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AITA I bought a washing machine and dishwasher for my mom.
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my(24m) mom has diabetes because of which, she has extremely rough feet. she takes her meds regularly and even keeps her sugar levels in check but her feet are always cracked and cause her pain and bleeding. even the skin on her palms peel off easily because she washes all the dishes on her own. my dad is paralyzed and she takes care of him all on her own because they cannot afford a nurse.
the doctor advised her to wear socks and apply an ointment but because she does all the housework on her own, neither can she wear socks nor can she apply the ointment(it will get washed off).
a month ago, i got a high paying job(6 figures edited to add that the unit is rupees). i had expressed to my wife when i got the job that i really want to help my mom with my first salary so that her hands and feet get time to heal. i had explained my plan to buy a dishwasher and washing machine so that my mom doesn't have to get her hands wet so often. my wife had agreed and she even said that my mom would be really happy with this gift. when i got my salary i immediately ordered a dishwasher and washing machine for my mom. when i told my wife that i'd placed the order, she got mad and said that i should've rechecked with her because she had seen a necklace online and had wanted me to buy it for her for christmas. i told her that our anniversary is next month so i'll buy it for her when i get my next salary. she got really mad and said that i should prioritize her and not my mom. now she's not speaking to me.
aita?
| 532 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rkho7q/aita_i_bought_a_washing_machine_and_dishwasher/
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2021-12-20 07:34:10
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nta
your wife had already agreed, why should you have to recheck with her? she sounds selfish and entitled.
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nta. dude is your wife a little kid? cause she sure is acting like one.
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nta. your wife sounds like…yeah.
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nta throw the whole wife away lol. why cant she buy the necklace with her own money ?
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nta. you already agreed with your wife that you were going to buy your mum some appliances. she is the one that went back on the agreement and made an unnecessary drama.
i hope your mum is able to benefit from the new appliances. your wife can just wait her turn. she has her own means.
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nta, but your wife sure as shit is.
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nta, but i’m having a hard time imagining how doing housework keeps your mother from wearing socks.
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nta. might even be worth looking into a cleaner to come once a week to help out aswell.
dishwasher and washing machine was lovely for you and will hopefully help your mum a lot.
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nta!! your wife thinks her desire for a new necklace is more important than helping your ill mum, who is also nursing your father?!!! is she serious?!! sorry, but your wife is a selfish ah and needs to grow a heart!!
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your wife is a child. not the asshole, not by a mile.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my(24m) mom has diabetes because of which, she has extremely rough feet. she takes her meds regularly and even keeps her sugar levels in check but her feet are always cracked and cause her pain and bleeding. even the skin on her palms peel off easily because she washes all the dishes on her own. my dad is paralyzed and she takes care of him all on her own because they cannot afford a nurse. the doctor advised her to wear socks and apply an ointment but because she does all the housework on her own, neither can she wear socks nor can she apply the ointment(it will get washed off). a month ago, i got a high paying job(6 figures edited to add that the unit is rupees). i had expressed to my wife when i got the job that i really want to help my mom with my first salary so that her hands and feet get time to heal. i had explained my plan to buy a dishwasher and washing machine so that my mom doesn't have to get her hands wet so often. my wife had agreed and she even said that my mom would be really happy with this gift. when i got my salary i immediately ordered a dishwasher and washing machine for my mom. when i told my wife that i'd placed the order, she got mad and said that i should've rechecked with her because she had seen a necklace online and had wanted me to buy it for her for christmas. i told her that our anniversary is next month so i'll buy it for her when i get my next salary. she got really mad and said that i should prioritize her and not my mom. now she's not speaking to me. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my(24m) mom has diabetes because of which, she has extremely rough feet. she takes her meds regularly and even keeps her sugar levels in check but her feet are always cracked and cause her pain and bleeding. even the skin on her palms peel off easily because she washes all the dishes on her own. my dad is paralyzed and she takes care of him all on her own because they cannot afford a nurse. the doctor advised her to wear socks and apply an ointment but because she does all the housework on her own, neither can she wear socks nor can she apply the ointment(it will get washed off). a month ago, i got a high paying job(6 figures edited to add that the unit is rupees). i had expressed to my wife when i got the job that i really want to help my mom with my first salary so that her hands and feet get time to heal. i had explained my plan to buy a dishwasher and washing machine so that my mom doesn't have to get her hands wet so often. my wife had agreed and she even said that my mom would be really happy with this gift. when i got my salary i immediately ordered a dishwasher and washing machine for my mom. when i told my wife that i'd placed the order, she got mad and said that i should've rechecked with her because she had seen a necklace online and had wanted me to buy it for her for christmas. i told her that our anniversary is next month so i'll buy it for her when i get my next salary. she got really mad and said that i should prioritize her and not my mom. now she's not speaking to me. aita? [/INST] nta your wife had already agreed, why should you have to recheck with her? she sounds selfish and entitled. </s>
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AITA For Refusing to Accept My Grandmother's Ring
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earlier this month, my (45m) grandmother (98f) passed away without a will. the family has never had a lot of money, so there's not really anything to fight over, except my grandmother's ring.
&#x200b;
the ring is special, made from rings and other jewelry my grandparents and great-grandparents were able to sneak out of the soviet union on the eve of the nazi invasion. it has some material value, being gold and diamond, but its real value is in what it means to the family.
&#x200b;
i was speaking to my mom (72f) about it when my wife (44f) overheard me telling my mom that i didn't think that it would be right for me to take the ring. my wife and i don't have kids together, and physically can't have biological children, so i thought it wasn't right for me to take the ring; it should go to one of my sisters or cousins who do have kids and can keep the ring in the family.
&#x200b;
my wife went ballistic. she has a son, my stepson, who is 17. his father died when he was a year old. i've been his stepfather now for the last five years. i call him my son and treat him as such. my wife is upset because i told her the reason that i refused the ring is that i could never pass it to our son. i told her that he isn't a blood relative of my grandparents and it wouldn't be right, considering there are a dozen others who have a better claim.
&#x200b;
my wife said that i'm an asshole because my words make it clear that i have never considered him my son and will never accept him as my child. my perspective is that he never really knew my grandmother (she's had dementia the last several years and he only ever met her once) and that he is not part of the history that the ring represents.
&#x200b;
so, aita?
| 1,118 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uqfuco/aita_for_refusing_to_accept_my_grandmothers_ring/
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2022-05-15 21:20:19
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nta its not about you, its about your bloodline.
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nta
i get it that your wife might be upset, but i'm honestly on the same boat with you on this one. he ain't blood related to your grandparents and does not feel any sentiment to it outside of it being gold.
your kid is 17, old enough for a serious talk. skip your wife and speak to him like a man with a man. besides, rings should remain with the women of the family. get him proper watch, something worth it that he can pass onto his kid.
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nta. i get why your wife is upset, though. your stepson is your son in every way you want him to be. however, he is not the blood descendant of your grandparents. if the ring had monetary value, then it would be lovely for him to be included in inheritance. however, just as he does not have your ancestor’s nose or chin, this isn’t his family’s history. my stepfather’s family, who embraced me as their own was jewish, while my mother was not. that makes me not jewish although i grew up within the culture. drawing the distinctions between blood family and chosen family is fraught with difficulty, but your stepson is your *chosen* son but not your genetic son. please try to let your wife know that having chosen this boy as your son is in many ways more special than a genetic son since many a genetic father is no father at all. i would ask her to try and see that you view the ring as a blood inheritance since it carries little monetary value, it’s value is in the escape from nazis in order to safely carry on that genetic inheritance, therefore you feel it should be passed on to those descendants. i suspect she just needs reassurance that when it comes to your own estate you’d never consider not treating him as your son, as you will continue to do until that time.
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nta. since it was your grandmother's ring, it should go to a female anyway. it should also go to a blood relative of your grandmother. your wife is out of line and trying to make her son a victim. she needs to get over it.
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i don't think this has anything to do with the ring. joining a blended family is tough. 5 years of being a family still probably feels very fragile to your wife and i bet she saw this as a sign that your family still hasn't quite assimilated yet. you compared other descendants in the family and quantified that your son wasn't as worthy as the others.
on the other had, you do have a point. you just have some damage control to do is all.
nta
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nta. i think giving it to someone else in the family was a good choice. sorry this blew up so bad for you. i can’t imagine the all out war that would of happened if it went to a person who your grandmother didn’t even know as opposed to her other grandchildren. oof
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nta - your wife blew the thing way out of proportion, it's your choice.
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nta. and here is why i think this. this child has been in the family since he was only 12 years old. this woman who the ring belongs to is not someone that he feels a deep bond with. the ring has no significance to him. and while the op and the son have a deep bond and one day the op will give his stepson belongings of his own to give to his children, that ring should be given to daughters or sons who are related to the woman that the ring belonged to. i was adopted at 5 days old, i was given my grandmother's engagement ring, i gave it to my oldest son when he became engaged when that fell through i asked my ex-husband to please put it in a safe deposit box and trust for our firstborn granddaughter. family isn't necessarily about blood, it's also about bonds. and this young man doesn't have a bond with the grandmother. but i had a very deep bond with mine, my son had one with his great-grandmother. so of course this is an heirloom that i want my granddaughter to have.
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nta but it’s a delicate situation. i understand why your wife is hurt with the way you worded it but agree that the ring should go to others in the family.
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nta you have a very good reason for not accepting it wanting to pass it on to other family for sentimental reasons. plus your son didn't really know her as well fully agree with your decision 👏
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: earlier this month, my (45m) grandmother (98f) passed away without a will. the family has never had a lot of money, so there's not really anything to fight over, except my grandmother's ring. &#x200b; the ring is special, made from rings and other jewelry my grandparents and great-grandparents were able to sneak out of the soviet union on the eve of the nazi invasion. it has some material value, being gold and diamond, but its real value is in what it means to the family. &#x200b; i was speaking to my mom (72f) about it when my wife (44f) overheard me telling my mom that i didn't think that it would be right for me to take the ring. my wife and i don't have kids together, and physically can't have biological children, so i thought it wasn't right for me to take the ring; it should go to one of my sisters or cousins who do have kids and can keep the ring in the family. &#x200b; my wife went ballistic. she has a son, my stepson, who is 17. his father died when he was a year old. i've been his stepfather now for the last five years. i call him my son and treat him as such. my wife is upset because i told her the reason that i refused the ring is that i could never pass it to our son. i told her that he isn't a blood relative of my grandparents and it wouldn't be right, considering there are a dozen others who have a better claim. &#x200b; my wife said that i'm an asshole because my words make it clear that i have never considered him my son and will never accept him as my child. my perspective is that he never really knew my grandmother (she's had dementia the last several years and he only ever met her once) and that he is not part of the history that the ring represents. &#x200b; so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
earlier this month, my (45m) grandmother (98f) passed away without a will. the family has never had a lot of money, so there's not really anything to fight over, except my grandmother's ring. &#x200b; the ring is special, made from rings and other jewelry my grandparents and great-grandparents were able to sneak out of the soviet union on the eve of the nazi invasion. it has some material value, being gold and diamond, but its real value is in what it means to the family. &#x200b; i was speaking to my mom (72f) about it when my wife (44f) overheard me telling my mom that i didn't think that it would be right for me to take the ring. my wife and i don't have kids together, and physically can't have biological children, so i thought it wasn't right for me to take the ring; it should go to one of my sisters or cousins who do have kids and can keep the ring in the family. &#x200b; my wife went ballistic. she has a son, my stepson, who is 17. his father died when he was a year old. i've been his stepfather now for the last five years. i call him my son and treat him as such. my wife is upset because i told her the reason that i refused the ring is that i could never pass it to our son. i told her that he isn't a blood relative of my grandparents and it wouldn't be right, considering there are a dozen others who have a better claim. &#x200b; my wife said that i'm an asshole because my words make it clear that i have never considered him my son and will never accept him as my child. my perspective is that he never really knew my grandmother (she's had dementia the last several years and he only ever met her once) and that he is not part of the history that the ring represents. &#x200b; so, aita? [/INST] nta its not about you, its about your bloodline. </s>
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AITA for not tapping into my kids’ private high school money to help pay for my sister’s college tuition
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i come from a poor family and had to work hard to put myself through college and get into a good law school. my parents had my sister(18f) much later than me(32m) but we still have a good relationship and i’m happy to see her during the holidays. my wife and i both want our three kids, who are all in elementary school, to go to a good private school in our area for high school. it costs approx. 10k a year so we’ve started saving up for it early and have about 50k in it now.
my parents called me recently and said my sister really wanted to go a state college but with room and board and everything, it was almost 30k a year. they asked if i could help cover some of her tuition since we already had money saved away for it. my wife and i said absolutely not and my sister and my parents have been angry at us over it. i told them my sister could just take out loans like everyone else or go to cc, but they think college tuition is more important than private high school tuition. i love my sister but my kids will always come first to me. aita?
| 4,109 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lpm5fo/aita_for_not_tapping_into_my_kids_private_high/
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2021-02-22 11:48:17
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nta. help yourself here to avoid future discord. the only way your parents would know that you've saved $50k for your kids' school tuition is if you told them. stop telling them these financial details. they obviously don't agree with you on appropriate financial boundaries, so remove temptation by not dangling this carrot. iow, if you don't want your family to try to access your money, don't tempt them by telling them about the money in the first place. start the boundary by not oversharing your personal financial situation.
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nta. take care of your own children, always. your parents knew they had a child, it wasn't a surprise when she grew up and wanted to go to college. your parents should have already been working with your sister/their daughter for years now about college expenses and expectations.
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> they asked if i could help cover some of her tuition since we already had money saved away for it
no, you don't have money saved for **that**.
you have money saved for *your* kids because as a parent you realised that your children needed financial support for their education. i understand that parents are poor but they should have had that conversation with you in the earlies, not when she's just about to go off to uni. sister should also have been working and saving for herself, as she would see first hand that her parents don't have the money to support her. nta.
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nta
your children and their education is your first and biggest priority. your parents have no saying is how you and your wife use your money.
your sister's education is your parents responsibility, not yours, and if they cannot pay her college, then she goes to cheaper college or takes out student loans. like everyone else. she will live.
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nta: it's mind boggling how your parents and sister feel that they're entitled to your money! don't even continue to engage with them on this. no is a complete sentence. hanging up the phone or not responding to texts are good ways to reinforce that.
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nta in any way shape or form.. you saved it for your kids and it's there for your kids.
willing to bet your folks and sister will want you to put the majority of that 30k every year too.
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nta.
your kids come first. whether you want to put them in a private school or a public one is a decision you made based on your experience and what's good for your kids.
your parents should've saved up for your sister. the burden of taking on your sister's college expenses does not fall on you.
and yes. she can take up a loan too. not the most ideal way to finance your education, but everyone else does it around the world.
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damn. what's going on with families digging elbow deep in the kids college fund pocket, like it was earmarked as free for all?
nta
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nta. this is easy. you don’t need to give anyone anything. you worked hard for your position in life & so can she. by saving for your children’s future education, you are breaking the cycle your parents started.
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nta, but maybe help your sister with financial aid forms? or scholarship applications? you can help and be supportive without spending your money.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i come from a poor family and had to work hard to put myself through college and get into a good law school. my parents had my sister(18f) much later than me(32m) but we still have a good relationship and i’m happy to see her during the holidays. my wife and i both want our three kids, who are all in elementary school, to go to a good private school in our area for high school. it costs approx. 10k a year so we’ve started saving up for it early and have about 50k in it now. my parents called me recently and said my sister really wanted to go a state college but with room and board and everything, it was almost 30k a year. they asked if i could help cover some of her tuition since we already had money saved away for it. my wife and i said absolutely not and my sister and my parents have been angry at us over it. i told them my sister could just take out loans like everyone else or go to cc, but they think college tuition is more important than private high school tuition. i love my sister but my kids will always come first to me. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i come from a poor family and had to work hard to put myself through college and get into a good law school. my parents had my sister(18f) much later than me(32m) but we still have a good relationship and i’m happy to see her during the holidays. my wife and i both want our three kids, who are all in elementary school, to go to a good private school in our area for high school. it costs approx. 10k a year so we’ve started saving up for it early and have about 50k in it now. my parents called me recently and said my sister really wanted to go a state college but with room and board and everything, it was almost 30k a year. they asked if i could help cover some of her tuition since we already had money saved away for it. my wife and i said absolutely not and my sister and my parents have been angry at us over it. i told them my sister could just take out loans like everyone else or go to cc, but they think college tuition is more important than private high school tuition. i love my sister but my kids will always come first to me. aita? [/INST] nta. help yourself here to avoid future discord. the only way your parents would know that you've saved $50k for your kids' school tuition is if you told them. stop telling them these financial details. they obviously don't agree with you on appropriate financial boundaries, so remove temptation by not dangling this carrot. iow, if you don't want your family to try to access your money, don't tempt them by telling them about the money in the first place. start the boundary by not oversharing your personal financial situation. </s>
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AITA for letting my kid play in the mud?
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i (34f) live in a small neighborhood with my husband (35m) and our 2 boys (10m and almost 2m). our neighborhood has a little public playground. since our back yard is a postage stamp, we are there a lot. last weekend my husband and older boy were at a baseball tournament (my husband coaches his travel team) and since it was an hour away me and the little stayed home. after breakfast i thought it would be good to get out, so off to the park we went. now the park sits in a depression and it had been raining pretty steady that week, so i went prepared. little guy was wearing clothes i didn’t care about that much and his boots. there are few things in the world this kid loves more than stomping in puddles. herein lies the problem: we had been there about 10 minutes when another mom shows up with her kid (maybe 4 or 5?) decked out in khaki shorts and a yellow polo. he goes off and plays and mom sits at a table on her phone. my little guy was happily stomping in the mud, and we are minding our own business when i hear the other mom shriek out “[kids name] don’t you dare! i just bought you those shoes.” i turn and see the other kid stop in his tracks, but he was clearly making a bee line for the puddle. the kid drops his head and goes to mope on the swings. his mom stomps over to me and basically rips into me for upsetting her chil. she demands i take him out of the mud or leave. she tells me i am a bad mom for letting my kid play in filth. i have always been of the opinion kids getting dirty is no big deal. it is part of playing and exploring his world and it’s what he should be doing. he loves playing in the mud and it doesn’t hurt anything. i told her to mind her business and leave us alone. her kid kept whining and saying he wanted to play in the mud, asking why my kid gets to and he doesn’t. mom sat at the table talking trash about me to someone on her phone, but i didn’t engage. i just focused on my kid. eventually we left because it was getting close to lunch time, but since then her and her little posse of neon clad power walkers sneer and whisper when they pass our house. i feel that it is not my fault she came unprepared. she has lived in this neighborhood at least as long as i have, and that puddle is an almost constant fixture at the park. at the same time, i feel bad for not showing mom solidarity. in thinking about it again i can see how i might have made things harder on her. am i the asshole?
| 1,442 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oqt44l/aita_for_letting_my_kid_play_in_the_mud/
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2021-07-24 16:18:46
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nta, sounds like you dressed your kid for play and she didn’t.
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nta
kids play and they get dirty, it’s a fact, plain and simple. you are awesome that you let your kid be a kid and you don’t care if he gets dirty while playing!
the other mom was just stupid for decking her son out in new clothes to play in, in an area that’s known to be muddy.
something along the lines of don’t play stupid games if you don’t want stupid prizes.
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nta the mom practically tried to enforce her parenting on you. let the kids play in the mud lol, they're not going to get sick, it's also good for their immune system to be exposed to this
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isn’t that what puddles are for? stomping and splashing. i would not have been polite. i would have told her to pound sand then i would have joined my kid in the puddle. that’s what bath time is for. cleaning away all the day’s fun.
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you are the best mom ever, i wish my mom would be like that when i was growing up! nta, obvs
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nta.
you're a great mum for letting him explore and enjoy nature. it's not your fault if she's not prepared. mom solidarity? she was trash talking you while you could hear at the park in front of both your kids. she does not deserve your solidarity when she's already shown you that she wouldn't do the same for you.
also..***.her little posse of neon clad power walkers*** made me laugh out loud. for a brief second i thought you should put mud on the sidewalk outside your house just so she gets her shoes filthy. but the then i realized that you are raising a happy child, which is way more rewarding.
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nta- i’ll be the first to admit that when my daughter was young i had no idea what i was doing. i have a huge family and we had to move out of state for my husbands job. cue the weekly deliveries of nice girl clothes. i was a major tomboy and so is my daughter, but she’s always loved to dress up in nice clothes.
it didn’t take long for me to learn that nice clothes should only be worn on nice occasions. i started dressing her in older clothes that could get dirty and get dirty she did! she learned to explore more and her confidence soared. she would dig in our yard for worms and line them up on her arms, lol.
play dates at our house were always interesting. i would make sure to tell whoever was coming to dress their kid in clothes that could get very messy and bring a spare set to wear home. there were definitely moms who didn’t come back for a second play date, but that’s okay. most were a little surprised that she would use the hose to make her own mud puddles, but once they saw how much fun was had they were on board.
it always seemed like when she was dressed nice and couldn’t play the way she wanted to, i would have to be a lot more engaged. it’s not like i let her run wild, but not having to come up with a “clean” game or activity every 15 minutes was awesome!
the only mom i ever had trouble with is my sil. my niece wasn’t even allowed to finger paint. they stopped visiting after their 2nd or 3rd weekend visit and i’m pretty sure that’s why. i don’t understand moms who want their kids to look nice 24/7, but don’t put in any effort to engage with their kids while playing. my niece is now a teenager and has been raised by the internet for the last 10 years. she never leaves the house, only gets to see friends at school, and has 0 confidence.
my daughter will be 9 in a couple weeks and she’s awesome, but totally different than she was back then. she isn’t into mud puddles anymore, and only likes messy play on occasion. she’s such an explorer though! she’ll catch bugs in a jar then ask me what it is. i usually play dumb and say idk. she will then go online and figure it out. she’ll tell me all about the bug! she also loves to dig for rocks and learn about them too. we live in western pa, so yards here are full of them.
you’re doing great mama! you’re teaching him to explore and actually experience the world around him. you only get one childhood, and you’re helping to make your sons awesome!!
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nta. i was the mud pie princess back in my day!
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nta. but her reaction is wildly unhinged and bizarre. if someone literally stomps over to you and rips into you, they are completely insane. get your children and yourself out of the park. immediately.
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nta - let your kid stop in the mud! she can repress her child’s fun all she wants. it’s not your problem
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (34f) live in a small neighborhood with my husband (35m) and our 2 boys (10m and almost 2m). our neighborhood has a little public playground. since our back yard is a postage stamp, we are there a lot. last weekend my husband and older boy were at a baseball tournament (my husband coaches his travel team) and since it was an hour away me and the little stayed home. after breakfast i thought it would be good to get out, so off to the park we went. now the park sits in a depression and it had been raining pretty steady that week, so i went prepared. little guy was wearing clothes i didn’t care about that much and his boots. there are few things in the world this kid loves more than stomping in puddles. herein lies the problem: we had been there about 10 minutes when another mom shows up with her kid (maybe 4 or 5?) decked out in khaki shorts and a yellow polo. he goes off and plays and mom sits at a table on her phone. my little guy was happily stomping in the mud, and we are minding our own business when i hear the other mom shriek out “[kids name] don’t you dare! i just bought you those shoes.” i turn and see the other kid stop in his tracks, but he was clearly making a bee line for the puddle. the kid drops his head and goes to mope on the swings. his mom stomps over to me and basically rips into me for upsetting her chil. she demands i take him out of the mud or leave. she tells me i am a bad mom for letting my kid play in filth. i have always been of the opinion kids getting dirty is no big deal. it is part of playing and exploring his world and it’s what he should be doing. he loves playing in the mud and it doesn’t hurt anything. i told her to mind her business and leave us alone. her kid kept whining and saying he wanted to play in the mud, asking why my kid gets to and he doesn’t. mom sat at the table talking trash about me to someone on her phone, but i didn’t engage. i just focused on my kid. eventually we left because it was getting close to lunch time, but since then her and her little posse of neon clad power walkers sneer and whisper when they pass our house. i feel that it is not my fault she came unprepared. she has lived in this neighborhood at least as long as i have, and that puddle is an almost constant fixture at the park. at the same time, i feel bad for not showing mom solidarity. in thinking about it again i can see how i might have made things harder on her. am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (34f) live in a small neighborhood with my husband (35m) and our 2 boys (10m and almost 2m). our neighborhood has a little public playground. since our back yard is a postage stamp, we are there a lot. last weekend my husband and older boy were at a baseball tournament (my husband coaches his travel team) and since it was an hour away me and the little stayed home. after breakfast i thought it would be good to get out, so off to the park we went. now the park sits in a depression and it had been raining pretty steady that week, so i went prepared. little guy was wearing clothes i didn’t care about that much and his boots. there are few things in the world this kid loves more than stomping in puddles. herein lies the problem: we had been there about 10 minutes when another mom shows up with her kid (maybe 4 or 5?) decked out in khaki shorts and a yellow polo. he goes off and plays and mom sits at a table on her phone. my little guy was happily stomping in the mud, and we are minding our own business when i hear the other mom shriek out “[kids name] don’t you dare! i just bought you those shoes.” i turn and see the other kid stop in his tracks, but he was clearly making a bee line for the puddle. the kid drops his head and goes to mope on the swings. his mom stomps over to me and basically rips into me for upsetting her chil. she demands i take him out of the mud or leave. she tells me i am a bad mom for letting my kid play in filth. i have always been of the opinion kids getting dirty is no big deal. it is part of playing and exploring his world and it’s what he should be doing. he loves playing in the mud and it doesn’t hurt anything. i told her to mind her business and leave us alone. her kid kept whining and saying he wanted to play in the mud, asking why my kid gets to and he doesn’t. mom sat at the table talking trash about me to someone on her phone, but i didn’t engage. i just focused on my kid. eventually we left because it was getting close to lunch time, but since then her and her little posse of neon clad power walkers sneer and whisper when they pass our house. i feel that it is not my fault she came unprepared. she has lived in this neighborhood at least as long as i have, and that puddle is an almost constant fixture at the park. at the same time, i feel bad for not showing mom solidarity. in thinking about it again i can see how i might have made things harder on her. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta, sounds like you dressed your kid for play and she didn’t. </s>
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AITA for not telling my brother about an opportunity at University until the deadline passed?
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for context, my twin and i are currently studying abroad in the same university in the same faculty, and living in the same rented apartment.
this semester, i started taking modules towards a minor in a subject that i've an interest in (parks management :)) and he absolutely blew his lid when he found out because i didn't give him "the opportunity to even think through about what we were going to take".
the thing is, i /didn't/ tell him that i was applying for approval from our home faculty to take the minor because i knew he would try to guilt me out of it or try to persuade me to switch to another minor that he could take too (he has thus far been the one making the call for the major decisions in our lives). but i could have given him time to process the information and an opportunity to also apply.
i kinda feel bad now, but not bad enough to be the first to apologize. aita here? i'll suck it up and say sorry if so.
| 205 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jx2sj1/aita_for_not_telling_my_brother_about_an/
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2020-11-19 13:36:21
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nta- what? you're twins. not married. get the hell away from each other. what, does he think you'll be together forever? unless you have remarkably similar interests, you are not the same person and your brother has zero say in what you study. don't apologize. tell him that you are both adults and need to have your own lives and this whole thing is a non-issue that is frankly toxic and disturbing.
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nta. just because you’re twins doesn’t mean you don’t have your own individual identities and interests separate from one another. you took a minor that seemed interesting to you that you knew he would likely have found boring. so what?
sounds like he has been the “dominant” twin and was shocked that you actually took a step into establishing your own individuality and it made him uncomfortable. but that’s his problem to deal with.
you have every right to want to do something for yourself and that won’t always involve your twin. your identity, your life, is yours to do with as you choose. you aren’t here to be his carbon copy nor are you his subordinate or to be treated like his carpet.
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>think through about what we were going to take
we? *we*? **we?!**
op, you have your own life. he has his. do not let him make decisions for the both of you.
nta.
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even if you're identical twins, you're still separate people, otherwise the embryo wouldn't have split into two.
he sounds controlling and needy tbh. you're nta.
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[deleted]
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nta - you’re twins, studying in the same faculty of the same university and living together - presumably, therefore, you have access to the same information about what opportunities are available. he could have taken the same modules if that’s what he had an interest in, you weren’t stopping him. what’s the next step, you can’t go to the toilet unless you consult with him first, in case he also wants to go? sound like he needs to grow up a bit.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for context, my twin and i are currently studying abroad in the same university in the same faculty, and living in the same rented apartment. this semester, i started taking modules towards a minor in a subject that i've an interest in (parks management :)) and he absolutely blew his lid when he found out because i didn't give him "the opportunity to even think through about what we were going to take". the thing is, i /didn't/ tell him that i was applying for approval from our home faculty to take the minor because i knew he would try to guilt me out of it or try to persuade me to switch to another minor that he could take too (he has thus far been the one making the call for the major decisions in our lives). but i could have given him time to process the information and an opportunity to also apply. i kinda feel bad now, but not bad enough to be the first to apologize. aita here? i'll suck it up and say sorry if so.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for context, my twin and i are currently studying abroad in the same university in the same faculty, and living in the same rented apartment. this semester, i started taking modules towards a minor in a subject that i've an interest in (parks management :)) and he absolutely blew his lid when he found out because i didn't give him "the opportunity to even think through about what we were going to take". the thing is, i /didn't/ tell him that i was applying for approval from our home faculty to take the minor because i knew he would try to guilt me out of it or try to persuade me to switch to another minor that he could take too (he has thus far been the one making the call for the major decisions in our lives). but i could have given him time to process the information and an opportunity to also apply. i kinda feel bad now, but not bad enough to be the first to apologize. aita here? i'll suck it up and say sorry if so. [/INST] nta- what? you're twins. not married. get the hell away from each other. what, does he think you'll be together forever? unless you have remarkably similar interests, you are not the same person and your brother has zero say in what you study. don't apologize. tell him that you are both adults and need to have your own lives and this whole thing is a non-issue that is frankly toxic and disturbing. </s>
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AITA for calling the police on my ex-girlfriend?
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hi reddit,
i know the title sounds crazy but i just want to know if i’m in the right or wrong.
a couple of months ago, my ex girlfriend came to visit me while i was sick at home. we had been in the breaking up stage for months, with no end in sight <she did not want to let go>. i had moved on emotionally and really wanted nothing to do with her. ex girlfriend comes to my house, without notice, and proceeds to talk about nonsense and why do i want to leave her, and me being sick and not wanting any drama, asks her to leave. she refuses to leave and i let her know that if she doesn’t leave i will call the police. after that she locks herself in my room, and i proceeded to call. cops arrive and remove her, but she claims she came to pick up some items (false).
reddit, aita?
| 364 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gj622d/aita_for_calling_the_police_on_my_exgirlfriend/
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2020-05-13 19:39:05
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nta. but don't let her into the home, man. stay healthy!
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nta. you just set down some clear boundaries, and that's good.
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nta. you warned her that if she didnt leave youd call the police. actually doing it let her know you're serious for the future if she tries something again.
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nta. let her know if she comes around again you'll get her for harassment and now you need to keep documentation of all contact and if she shows up dont even open the door. girls who lie to cops are scary. next step is to accuse you of shit.
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nta. clear violation of your boundaries, perhaps even stalking depending on your situation.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi reddit, i know the title sounds crazy but i just want to know if i’m in the right or wrong. a couple of months ago, my ex girlfriend came to visit me while i was sick at home. we had been in the breaking up stage for months, with no end in sight <she did not want to let go>. i had moved on emotionally and really wanted nothing to do with her. ex girlfriend comes to my house, without notice, and proceeds to talk about nonsense and why do i want to leave her, and me being sick and not wanting any drama, asks her to leave. she refuses to leave and i let her know that if she doesn’t leave i will call the police. after that she locks herself in my room, and i proceeded to call. cops arrive and remove her, but she claims she came to pick up some items (false). reddit, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi reddit, i know the title sounds crazy but i just want to know if i’m in the right or wrong. a couple of months ago, my ex girlfriend came to visit me while i was sick at home. we had been in the breaking up stage for months, with no end in sight <she did not want to let go>. i had moved on emotionally and really wanted nothing to do with her. ex girlfriend comes to my house, without notice, and proceeds to talk about nonsense and why do i want to leave her, and me being sick and not wanting any drama, asks her to leave. she refuses to leave and i let her know that if she doesn’t leave i will call the police. after that she locks herself in my room, and i proceeded to call. cops arrive and remove her, but she claims she came to pick up some items (false). reddit, aita? [/INST] nta. but don't let her into the home, man. stay healthy! </s>
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AITA for not giving my wife drugs.
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me (m23) and my wife (f23) have been married for four months now. she moved 100 miles away from her family and friends to live in my city, we have a three bedroom home and i provide everything for us.
my wife and i before we got married we used to partake regularly in smoking weed. it was enjoyable but now we’re married i told her that it was not going to be a thing.. ever.
anyways i come to learn she used to smoke every day, she’s done well to not have any cravings... until now.
i left earlier to go spend time with my friends and she was home alone, she is a housewife while she studies law. i guess the boredom really got to her today and she called me and started to beg me to buy her some weed just this one time.
i stood my ground then she starting crying saying how she has no one and how she’s all alone and she’s miserable being so far away from her family and friends and if i got her some weed it would help her a lot. anyways i told her there’s absolutely no way i will ever give her drugs and that’s in the past.
she pretty much had a breakdown tonight, thinking back i’m not sure whether i’ve been the asshole to not give in esp since we have entered another lockdown and she hasn’t seen her friends since we have gotten married?
so aita for refusing to give my wife drugs?
| 207 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jq45dk/aita_for_not_giving_my_wife_drugs/
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2020-11-08 02:55:22
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yta for deciding all on your own that *both* of you would give up weed. and yta for not recognizing your wife is struggling.
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>it was enjoyable but now we’re married i told her that it was not going to be a thing.. ever.
you can't just....*tell her that* she's no longer allowed to do something. she's her own person, she can do whatever she wants. this should be a mutually agreed-upon decision. so yta for telling her she can't do something.
you don't have to actively participate or be on the hook for physically getting it, but you can't tell her she can't smoke.
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yta. who died and made you ruler of your wife’s life?
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yta.
i hope she leaves before you become even more of a controlling arse.
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yta. you're married, that doesn't mean you own her. you said you said since you're married no more weed, she didn't get a say in that? she hasn't seen her friends in months and had moved 100 miles away from her friends and family and you're in lockdown but you get to go set friends? how on earth could you not be the ahole?
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29 f. i'm an honors student, about to graduate with a degree that will land me a top job in 5 companies in my area. i pack a bowl and smoke almost every morning when i wake up and enjoy my tea, on my way home from work, and right before bed. usually this is all the same previously packed bowl for the whole day. if she wants 5 blunts a day you have a problem.
your wife is a grown woman who can decide to put what she wants into her body, and if you've ever been drunk around her you're a hypocrite. you also smoked previously, which means you know that some people basically drool on the floor and another can write an a+ paper on the same cannabis. also you moved her to a place where she is 100% alone and went to "hang out with friends". no wonder why she wants to smoke. why the hell isn't she part of your friend group many months in?
"she's a housewife and she studies law" means shes trying to better both of your financial futures but she has zero control over finances. this is financial abuse. the fact that she is totally dependent on you and doesn't even have $25 to her name to buy a pipe and dime bag shows that. when she's hungry and you're at work can she even order a simple sandwich from a nearby pub or does she have to make do while you can go out with your friends?
this doesn't seem like it's just about the "drugs" to me, considering marijuana is becoming legalized more frequently basically everywhere. you're mad your wife wants an escape when she's been forced into a role of either clean, study, or wait for me to come home- alone- with no friends of your own or 0 escape from the loneliness.
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you fucking suck
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>my wife and i before we got married we used to partake regularly in smoking weed. it was enjoyable but now we’re married i told her that it was not going to be a thing.. ever.
yeah, yta.
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yta. hold up you told her that was how her life was going to be? excuse me did you get married or did you buy her?
maybe you should start smoking again. might get rid of that abusive attitude you have there thinking you own her and her life choices. damn i feel sorry for her. imagine leaving your friends and family to be stuck in an abusive and controlling relationship like that... she should be on here getting the resources to get her out of there.
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yta. when your wife is single, can you slide me her number?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me (m23) and my wife (f23) have been married for four months now. she moved 100 miles away from her family and friends to live in my city, we have a three bedroom home and i provide everything for us. my wife and i before we got married we used to partake regularly in smoking weed. it was enjoyable but now we’re married i told her that it was not going to be a thing.. ever. anyways i come to learn she used to smoke every day, she’s done well to not have any cravings... until now. i left earlier to go spend time with my friends and she was home alone, she is a housewife while she studies law. i guess the boredom really got to her today and she called me and started to beg me to buy her some weed just this one time. i stood my ground then she starting crying saying how she has no one and how she’s all alone and she’s miserable being so far away from her family and friends and if i got her some weed it would help her a lot. anyways i told her there’s absolutely no way i will ever give her drugs and that’s in the past. she pretty much had a breakdown tonight, thinking back i’m not sure whether i’ve been the asshole to not give in esp since we have entered another lockdown and she hasn’t seen her friends since we have gotten married? so aita for refusing to give my wife drugs?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me (m23) and my wife (f23) have been married for four months now. she moved 100 miles away from her family and friends to live in my city, we have a three bedroom home and i provide everything for us. my wife and i before we got married we used to partake regularly in smoking weed. it was enjoyable but now we’re married i told her that it was not going to be a thing.. ever. anyways i come to learn she used to smoke every day, she’s done well to not have any cravings... until now. i left earlier to go spend time with my friends and she was home alone, she is a housewife while she studies law. i guess the boredom really got to her today and she called me and started to beg me to buy her some weed just this one time. i stood my ground then she starting crying saying how she has no one and how she’s all alone and she’s miserable being so far away from her family and friends and if i got her some weed it would help her a lot. anyways i told her there’s absolutely no way i will ever give her drugs and that’s in the past. she pretty much had a breakdown tonight, thinking back i’m not sure whether i’ve been the asshole to not give in esp since we have entered another lockdown and she hasn’t seen her friends since we have gotten married? so aita for refusing to give my wife drugs? [/INST] yta for deciding all on your own that *both* of you would give up weed. and yta for not recognizing your wife is struggling. </s>
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AITA I told him I'm sick of hearing about D&D
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my husband (30m) just started playing d&d around the beginning of last year. at first, i (30f) figured that his obsession with the game would slowly dwindle with more experience and time.
i was **fucking wrong**.
literally everything he does now revolves around d&d. when we talk, we either talk about stuff we have to get done or d&d. he is constantly cornering me around the house to tell me about some new rule he found or a new character he developed or what's happening in his d&d groups. my relatives are even annoyed by him because that's all he wants to talk about with anyone.
all of the gifts for him for every holiday this last year were all d&d related(his request). that includes gifts from me and his family. he is now dabbling in making his own dice. he constantly makes stupid d&d jokes that i don't get and don't make me laugh. he drinks from d&d mugs, wears d&d shirts, and watches d&d shows all.night.long. he's part of every possible d&d chat, and group online that he can be.
because he's so into it, i tried it out, because i wanted to be a good wife and support him in his new hobby. i played for awhile and just never got into it. i'm not into role playing and without role play, the entire thing is incredibly monotonous. it's just **so damn boring** to me. i'm sure it doesn't help that all i hear about or see now from my husband, is fucking d&d.
the other day we were on a 5 day streak of him literally only talking to me about d&d and i couldn't take it anymore. i told him i couldn't take it and that i didn't want to talk about it for awhile. i told him i was happy that he found something he really loves and is interested in, but that i'm not into it and though i don't mind hearing about it every now and then, i'm sick of it being the only thing we talk about.
he said he understood but now he's upset and i feel like a bad partner. it sucks hating something that your partner loves, i guess the only reason i like it at all is because he likes it. and i also feel bad because it's really his only outlet. he lost a really close relationship last year and i've been really sick so **reality** is very stressful for him. he also works and goes to school.
i want him to have this outlet because it's keeping him somewhat sane. but i seriously can't take it anymore. it's all i see it hear about and it gets bad enough that i don't want to be around him or talk to him.
| 426 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ept3bo/aita_i_told_him_im_sick_of_hearing_about_dd/
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2020-01-17 01:19:37
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nta - he should learn to read the room. unless you're actively engaged in bantering with him about his newfound passion, he could try to dial the intensity back down from an 11.
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nah - hey op, just a random question, no judgement here, but use it possible you fh has adhd and he is hyper focusing on d&d?
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nta. it sounds like he has no ability to gauge other people’s interest in a conversation.
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nah is there something the two of you could do together that might help dial it back to 8 for him?
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i'd argue nah. he's obviously very passionate about dnd, great for him. he needs to realize that not everyone will love it, and i think he has. you were great about it and survived about as long as anyone can.
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nta you're a saint for trying to play. his singular obsession is a problem, obviously, but i have to know ... is he like this to his co-workers? friends? does he get on the phone with his parents and speak like this to them? if he is solely badgering you i think you have bigger problem than d&d, girl.
this said, you're hilarious and i am rooting for you.
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is your husband on the autistic spectrum? it comes off that way, given his hyperfocus down the rabbit-hole of a particular interest and his ability to talk about it nonstop without being able to "read the room".
either way, you're nta. i tend to jump from one obsession to the other, but i don't talk my boyfriend's ear off about it. you're not a bad partner; your mental health is important too.
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nah i do suggest introducing him to other games out there. there's so many being played in card shops that could possibly expose him to new people. try to find some shops that sell these things (magic the gathering, yugioh, pokemon, etc.) and maybe even attend some conventions! this year i took my so to an anime con where we learned this neat board game and even won one from a tournament. i wish you luck op
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nah - something in your relationship was really starting to bug you, you told him, he agreed to tone it down. that's good isn't it? maybe you both feel a little sensitive over it, but now it's out in the open.
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nah - it sounds like he could use some help. has he ever gotten so obsessed with something before? if not it could just be an unhealthy coping mechanism.
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| 0.022045 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband (30m) just started playing d&d around the beginning of last year. at first, i (30f) figured that his obsession with the game would slowly dwindle with more experience and time. i was **fucking wrong**. literally everything he does now revolves around d&d. when we talk, we either talk about stuff we have to get done or d&d. he is constantly cornering me around the house to tell me about some new rule he found or a new character he developed or what's happening in his d&d groups. my relatives are even annoyed by him because that's all he wants to talk about with anyone. all of the gifts for him for every holiday this last year were all d&d related(his request). that includes gifts from me and his family. he is now dabbling in making his own dice. he constantly makes stupid d&d jokes that i don't get and don't make me laugh. he drinks from d&d mugs, wears d&d shirts, and watches d&d shows all.night.long. he's part of every possible d&d chat, and group online that he can be. because he's so into it, i tried it out, because i wanted to be a good wife and support him in his new hobby. i played for awhile and just never got into it. i'm not into role playing and without role play, the entire thing is incredibly monotonous. it's just **so damn boring** to me. i'm sure it doesn't help that all i hear about or see now from my husband, is fucking d&d. the other day we were on a 5 day streak of him literally only talking to me about d&d and i couldn't take it anymore. i told him i couldn't take it and that i didn't want to talk about it for awhile. i told him i was happy that he found something he really loves and is interested in, but that i'm not into it and though i don't mind hearing about it every now and then, i'm sick of it being the only thing we talk about. he said he understood but now he's upset and i feel like a bad partner. it sucks hating something that your partner loves, i guess the only reason i like it at all is because he likes it. and i also feel bad because it's really his only outlet. he lost a really close relationship last year and i've been really sick so **reality** is very stressful for him. he also works and goes to school. i want him to have this outlet because it's keeping him somewhat sane. but i seriously can't take it anymore. it's all i see it hear about and it gets bad enough that i don't want to be around him or talk to him.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband (30m) just started playing d&d around the beginning of last year. at first, i (30f) figured that his obsession with the game would slowly dwindle with more experience and time. i was **fucking wrong**. literally everything he does now revolves around d&d. when we talk, we either talk about stuff we have to get done or d&d. he is constantly cornering me around the house to tell me about some new rule he found or a new character he developed or what's happening in his d&d groups. my relatives are even annoyed by him because that's all he wants to talk about with anyone. all of the gifts for him for every holiday this last year were all d&d related(his request). that includes gifts from me and his family. he is now dabbling in making his own dice. he constantly makes stupid d&d jokes that i don't get and don't make me laugh. he drinks from d&d mugs, wears d&d shirts, and watches d&d shows all.night.long. he's part of every possible d&d chat, and group online that he can be. because he's so into it, i tried it out, because i wanted to be a good wife and support him in his new hobby. i played for awhile and just never got into it. i'm not into role playing and without role play, the entire thing is incredibly monotonous. it's just **so damn boring** to me. i'm sure it doesn't help that all i hear about or see now from my husband, is fucking d&d. the other day we were on a 5 day streak of him literally only talking to me about d&d and i couldn't take it anymore. i told him i couldn't take it and that i didn't want to talk about it for awhile. i told him i was happy that he found something he really loves and is interested in, but that i'm not into it and though i don't mind hearing about it every now and then, i'm sick of it being the only thing we talk about. he said he understood but now he's upset and i feel like a bad partner. it sucks hating something that your partner loves, i guess the only reason i like it at all is because he likes it. and i also feel bad because it's really his only outlet. he lost a really close relationship last year and i've been really sick so **reality** is very stressful for him. he also works and goes to school. i want him to have this outlet because it's keeping him somewhat sane. but i seriously can't take it anymore. it's all i see it hear about and it gets bad enough that i don't want to be around him or talk to him. [/INST] nta - he should learn to read the room. unless you're actively engaged in bantering with him about his newfound passion, he could try to dial the intensity back down from an 11. </s>
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AITA for turning in 6 h.s. freshmen for underage drinking in my backyard?
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i was leaving my house this afternoon and as i pulled into my alleyway there were 6 high school freshman drinking beer in my alleyway. they had about 24 beers between them, most all of them gone. i took pics of them as they were running off. i saw a few minutes later that they went into the high school so i called the counselor and let her know and she handed it off to the resource officer, including their photos.
these kids looked like they were 12. they have no business drinking and no business drinking and trespassing during school hours.
so...aita?
edit to add further updates:
1- so, my son just came home with a flyer from www.underagedrinking.samhsa.gov
2- also got a call from the resource officer saying they’re handling it internally at school and not with the city police.
| 381 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dpceal/aita_for_turning_in_6_hs_freshmen_for_underage/
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2019-10-30 20:33:38
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nta. they were on your property. if they are going to break the law they need to be a lot smarter about it than that.
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nta. but don't expect the kids to agree with you and don't be surprised when they egg your house.
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pardon me for using language that makes people think i don’t own it. they we’re sitting on my steps next to my garage on property i own.
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nta, sounds like you did the right thing. the kids should learn from this and not do it again
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nta. young kids knew they had no business drinking alcohol. plus how did they get it? either one of the kid stole the case from the parent or a store somewhere got sloppy with id check.
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own it. i have garages on two sides, and street access from both, but the alleyway is my property. and they were sitting on my steps next to my garage that lead to my garden.
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nta. at all. the kids are putting themselves at risk of legal and health issues that could follow them for the rest of their lives.
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nta if this was on your property. op could possibly get in trouble for allowing it to happen there.
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nta. public nuisance laws fucking suck but if one of them drank too much or eventually od'd on harder drugs in your alleyway, you could be sued. you might win the case but it would be time-consuming and expensive.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was leaving my house this afternoon and as i pulled into my alleyway there were 6 high school freshman drinking beer in my alleyway. they had about 24 beers between them, most all of them gone. i took pics of them as they were running off. i saw a few minutes later that they went into the high school so i called the counselor and let her know and she handed it off to the resource officer, including their photos. these kids looked like they were 12. they have no business drinking and no business drinking and trespassing during school hours. so...aita? edit to add further updates: 1- so, my son just came home with a flyer from www.underagedrinking.samhsa.gov 2- also got a call from the resource officer saying they’re handling it internally at school and not with the city police.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i was leaving my house this afternoon and as i pulled into my alleyway there were 6 high school freshman drinking beer in my alleyway. they had about 24 beers between them, most all of them gone. i took pics of them as they were running off. i saw a few minutes later that they went into the high school so i called the counselor and let her know and she handed it off to the resource officer, including their photos. these kids looked like they were 12. they have no business drinking and no business drinking and trespassing during school hours. so...aita? edit to add further updates: 1- so, my son just came home with a flyer from www.underagedrinking.samhsa.gov 2- also got a call from the resource officer saying they’re handling it internally at school and not with the city police. [/INST] nta. they were on your property. if they are going to break the law they need to be a lot smarter about it than that. </s>
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AITA for not paying my brother interest on money I stole from him?
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i (25f) have 2 (half) brothers, a 21 year old and a 19 year old.
our grandparents left us a large amount of money. it was all in my name, meant for me to access when i was 21, as i was the only living grandchild when they passed, but they said if i had any younger siblings, they should all get the same amount when they turn 21. for the purposes of this post, i'm going to say the number was an even 300k, meaning my siblings and i got 100k each. the real number was just over that but i don't remember the exact figure.
when i got access to the full fund i decided to buy my own place outright. i found a house i loved, but it was just under 130k.
i was going to get a mortgage, but my application was rejected. dad then suggested that i borrow 30k from the fund, and pay it back. at the time, my brothers were 17 and 15, meaning i had up to 6 years to repay it, which i figured was more than manageable, so i did it. dad presented it as borrowing, but i'm not denying that it was stealing, and i do feel bad about that.
present day, the account has 195k in it. about 8k came from interest, so i've repaid around 17-18k.
the 21 year old has just gotten his 100k out of the fund, and he noticed there was only 95k left. i had to come clean, but i explained that i will repay that last 5k by this summer, and that the 19 year old will have no issues whatsoever getting his 100k when he turns 21.
21 told 19. they're both furious with me. they say that that was their money and i had no right to take it, which i agreed with and i apologised profusely and explained it'll be fully repaid by this summer.
however, they feel this isn't good enough. they say that given the account was accruing interest this whole time, the interest the account created shouldn't be counted as me repaying them, and i should also pay them the extra interest they lost out on. the number they've come up with is 10k on top of the 5k i'm already repaying, so they want 15k total and they want it by this summer.
i told them to get fucked. i said i've apologised, i've almost entirely repaid the money, and that they can't reasonably expect me to tack 10 thousand more when i only took out 30k to begin with. they insist that this is what they're owed and that i'm an a-hole for not wanting to repay them the full 15k.
aita for not wanting to repay the interest?
| 394 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kuf11e/aita_for_not_paying_my_brother_interest_on_money/
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2021-01-10 14:06:56
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yta, and your math doesn’t work. you borrowed 30,000 but have only repaid 17,000 or 18,000. the interest on the money should be split 3 ways also, not all going to make up for your theft. you owe them what you borrowed plus the interest they didn’t receive because the money was going to your house instead.
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yta. if you hadn't taken the money it would've been earning interest from investments. presumably your house is gaining in value because of your theft.
i am quite surprised at your attitude that 30k is no big deal. it's not like you took a $20 to buy a pizza and paid them back the next day; it was a large sum of money and it took you years to replace it.
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yta
you stole the entire value of the money you took at the moment they were eligible to collect.
you've also saved a shit load on interest on commercial mortgage. you were willing to take his out before the idea of stealing the money came into your head.
so you do have the money, in the interest saved on the mortgage you were rejected from.
you should pay them back as though you took the mortgage from them at a favourable rate to the lender, instead of burning bridges with your siblings.
p. s. if i was your sibling i'd loom into suing you and your father for theft and breaching their duty as a trustee. then you would owe the money immediately and would probably have to morgage the property you bought to pay them back. and it would serve you right.
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yta.
>i told them to get fucked.
i hope you didn't put it so offensively after taking their money without asking them.
they have lost the interest that was accruing on their money, so technically they're right, and you should pay interest.
if you had taken out a loan, you would have paid interest on that anyway.
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yta. if you borrowed $30,000 you need to repay $30,000. you're saying you repaied $17-18,000, plus another $5000. that adds up to $23,000. so where's the other $7-8000? you don't get to use the interest to pay back what you took. **if you borrowed $30,000 you need to repay $30,000!** i don't get how op is struggling with this.
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yta - not for taking the money, but for not replacing the value of it.
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yta. 8k interest in like 6 years is not negligible, and it’s completely unfair you get a house with no mortgage and a $8k discount just cause you stole from your brothers inheritance.
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yta- it wasn’t your money to take to begin with and you didn’t tell them about it so you know it was messed up. just because you had to rights atm to it, you knew it was for them. it could have been collecting interest. regardless of you paid it back, you took it without ever consulting them. your dad is also an asshole.
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you've repaid 18 k of the 30k you borrowed and will repay the final 5k? so you're repaying 23k of the 30k you borrowed. you still owe an additional 7k (minimum!). and that should be split between your brothers. that's before ever factoring in additional interest.
their 100k is already worth less than your 100k because of inflation. pay the goddamned interest.
yes, yta.
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yta. the money would have made interest in the account. you stole and lost your sibling the interest.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (25f) have 2 (half) brothers, a 21 year old and a 19 year old. our grandparents left us a large amount of money. it was all in my name, meant for me to access when i was 21, as i was the only living grandchild when they passed, but they said if i had any younger siblings, they should all get the same amount when they turn 21. for the purposes of this post, i'm going to say the number was an even 300k, meaning my siblings and i got 100k each. the real number was just over that but i don't remember the exact figure. when i got access to the full fund i decided to buy my own place outright. i found a house i loved, but it was just under 130k. i was going to get a mortgage, but my application was rejected. dad then suggested that i borrow 30k from the fund, and pay it back. at the time, my brothers were 17 and 15, meaning i had up to 6 years to repay it, which i figured was more than manageable, so i did it. dad presented it as borrowing, but i'm not denying that it was stealing, and i do feel bad about that. present day, the account has 195k in it. about 8k came from interest, so i've repaid around 17-18k. the 21 year old has just gotten his 100k out of the fund, and he noticed there was only 95k left. i had to come clean, but i explained that i will repay that last 5k by this summer, and that the 19 year old will have no issues whatsoever getting his 100k when he turns 21. 21 told 19. they're both furious with me. they say that that was their money and i had no right to take it, which i agreed with and i apologised profusely and explained it'll be fully repaid by this summer. however, they feel this isn't good enough. they say that given the account was accruing interest this whole time, the interest the account created shouldn't be counted as me repaying them, and i should also pay them the extra interest they lost out on. the number they've come up with is 10k on top of the 5k i'm already repaying, so they want 15k total and they want it by this summer. i told them to get fucked. i said i've apologised, i've almost entirely repaid the money, and that they can't reasonably expect me to tack 10 thousand more when i only took out 30k to begin with. they insist that this is what they're owed and that i'm an a-hole for not wanting to repay them the full 15k. aita for not wanting to repay the interest?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (25f) have 2 (half) brothers, a 21 year old and a 19 year old. our grandparents left us a large amount of money. it was all in my name, meant for me to access when i was 21, as i was the only living grandchild when they passed, but they said if i had any younger siblings, they should all get the same amount when they turn 21. for the purposes of this post, i'm going to say the number was an even 300k, meaning my siblings and i got 100k each. the real number was just over that but i don't remember the exact figure. when i got access to the full fund i decided to buy my own place outright. i found a house i loved, but it was just under 130k. i was going to get a mortgage, but my application was rejected. dad then suggested that i borrow 30k from the fund, and pay it back. at the time, my brothers were 17 and 15, meaning i had up to 6 years to repay it, which i figured was more than manageable, so i did it. dad presented it as borrowing, but i'm not denying that it was stealing, and i do feel bad about that. present day, the account has 195k in it. about 8k came from interest, so i've repaid around 17-18k. the 21 year old has just gotten his 100k out of the fund, and he noticed there was only 95k left. i had to come clean, but i explained that i will repay that last 5k by this summer, and that the 19 year old will have no issues whatsoever getting his 100k when he turns 21. 21 told 19. they're both furious with me. they say that that was their money and i had no right to take it, which i agreed with and i apologised profusely and explained it'll be fully repaid by this summer. however, they feel this isn't good enough. they say that given the account was accruing interest this whole time, the interest the account created shouldn't be counted as me repaying them, and i should also pay them the extra interest they lost out on. the number they've come up with is 10k on top of the 5k i'm already repaying, so they want 15k total and they want it by this summer. i told them to get fucked. i said i've apologised, i've almost entirely repaid the money, and that they can't reasonably expect me to tack 10 thousand more when i only took out 30k to begin with. they insist that this is what they're owed and that i'm an a-hole for not wanting to repay them the full 15k. aita for not wanting to repay the interest? [/INST] yta, and your math doesn’t work. you borrowed 30,000 but have only repaid 17,000 or 18,000. the interest on the money should be split 3 ways also, not all going to make up for your theft. you owe them what you borrowed plus the interest they didn’t receive because the money was going to your house instead. </s>
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AITA for not telling my family that I’m terminally ill?
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it’s a really complicated situation, so forgive me if i have to leave some vague stuff for space. to preface, this is a definite when not if situation, i’m working things out with an end of life counselor and such, it is what it is.
i(28f) have been nc with my family for most of my adult years. my dad died when i was 9 (ironically of the same condition) and my mom remarried pretty quickly and tried to force a blended family situation complete with trying to make me call my step-dad dad and making all the kids mad with that “we don’t do step in this family, you’re all just siblings” thing and other bullshit. it backfired spectacularly, i got the brunt of it because i was the oldest and the most vocal about pushing back, so my teen years were one giant argument and i went nc as soon as i could move out. i agreed to lc a year ago after my mom apologized for trying to force me to accept my step-dad as my dad and started trying to repair the relationship, but i keep my distance. most of my step-siblings also went lc with them, so i think my mom and step-dad have realized how badly they messed up and are trying not to be lonely old people now.
since my diagnosis was confirmed, i’ve been thinking about what i want my last year or two max to look like and honestly, i don’t see my family being a part of that. i don’t want to deal with them trying to process rapidly all the old bullshit before i go and there’s no loose ends i want to wrap up with them. i also want people to remember me like i am now and not what i’m going to be like at the end. so my plan is to just not tell them, enjoy what time i have left to be active, and then let my poa person handle who gets to know what and when afterward. ideally, my family will find out after i’m gone to avoid an irritating deathbed scene. i also don’t want them interfering in my end of life care, because my mom has very different religious opinions on things than i do.
i mentioned this to some friends recently and they were really disturbed by it because i would be robbing my family of the chance for closure and making amends while it’s still possible, and it will probably hurt them to know i kept something this big from them in a way that will make the grieving worse. one friend in particular found it really upsetting and told me how awful it was finding out that her brother died suddenly instead of being able to deal with it ahead of time.
so, i feel like a bit of an ah now for maybe making things harder after i’m gone, but also, i still kind of don’t want the hassle.
| 724 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z1xons/aita_for_not_telling_my_family_that_im_terminally/
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2022-11-22 16:18:46
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nta. you don't owe your family to tie their loose ends. they made a mess. you don't have to clean it up.
you deserve to live your lasts years on your own term. don't accept any bullshit. your focus should be yourself, and what makes you happy. be selfish. you deserve to be.
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i wouldn't tell them.
my mom and yours sound scarily alike. mine tried to force me to change my last name to her new husband, who would scream expletives at me and call me vulgar names. came as a shock to her when i said no, which was wild, but here we are. because i was the oldest also, and my brother followed my lead, i was the heathen who "forced" him into complying with my wishes.
i'm currently pregnant through ivf. i told my mom about it, and she told everyone how hard it was for me, and how awful everything is, which is completely on brand for her, but not her business to go to person to person to person to tell them how i feel, which she doesn't know because she didn't ask me.
i just think, for someone you are already lc with, and who doesn't seem to put your needs above hers, i would just keep it to myself.
i'm sorry you're going through not only a terminal illness, but the burden of dealing with a tumultuous family.
good luck, nta
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nta, but i have my doubts about your condition remaining a secret till after its over.
if it isn't already set up, i'd just make sure its in writing who gets to make medical decisions for you in the final days, and that that person is not your mom/ step dad.
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nta. you should enjoy whatever time you have left in whatever way is best for you. you have not had much contact with your family, so i don't think letting them know is needed. i'm guessing the people that are horrified do not have family they aren't close to, so they really don't understand.
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nobody should have to get a diagnosis like this. your strength and clarity right now are amazing.
i believe you make your own family throughout your life and that blood is not necessarily a tie that binds. you are more than justified in your decision. if your feelings change at any time, you can change course. please yourself - you are not in control of their feelings or reactions.
nta
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nta but write them a kind letter explaining that you made the decision to spend the end of your life living, not dying, and therefore limited that information to keep it from taking over what was left of your life. if you want to be extra generous, tell them what you know they would have wanted to hear on your deathbed. (whether you mean it or not; it’s not like it’s going to make any difference to you once you’re gone.) that offers them a measure of closure, but you won’t have to deal with the emotional ramifications. and perhaps more importantly, save you from regrets or second thoughts in the interim.
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this is complicated and probably above reddits pay grade. your feelings are valid and your nta for wanting to see your remaining time out as you see fit. but there's no escaping the fact that this will hurt your family after your gone. is there possibly a way to find a good boundaries way to let them know what's happening without letting them interfere with how you want to spend your time?
i'm very sorry to hear that you went through all that and that you will be leaving us soon. i hope you can find ways to make your remaining time beautiful.
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nta if you need peace before you go and you know how your family are there’s nothing wrong with not telling them, just in case i’d put stuff in place, make sure you have it in writing and a lawyer sign off that it’s legally binding and make sure you have it that your family can’t visit you at all if in hospital and that they can’t make any arrangements (how the end goes,funeral,etc) my cousin went through the same thing but his friend went to his family behind his back and he didn’t have any of that in place and his wants went unheeded he was gonna donate his body to science but since there was no paper trail his parents had him buried in a catholic cemetery he was an atheist and never wanted that.
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nah
if you want to get closer to your family members in your last year without explaining anything, you can.
you are already going through a lot, you do not need more stress. you also do not need someone to be nice to you out of pity.
they had 28 years to make things better.
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nta, godspeed
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: it’s a really complicated situation, so forgive me if i have to leave some vague stuff for space. to preface, this is a definite when not if situation, i’m working things out with an end of life counselor and such, it is what it is. i(28f) have been nc with my family for most of my adult years. my dad died when i was 9 (ironically of the same condition) and my mom remarried pretty quickly and tried to force a blended family situation complete with trying to make me call my step-dad dad and making all the kids mad with that “we don’t do step in this family, you’re all just siblings” thing and other bullshit. it backfired spectacularly, i got the brunt of it because i was the oldest and the most vocal about pushing back, so my teen years were one giant argument and i went nc as soon as i could move out. i agreed to lc a year ago after my mom apologized for trying to force me to accept my step-dad as my dad and started trying to repair the relationship, but i keep my distance. most of my step-siblings also went lc with them, so i think my mom and step-dad have realized how badly they messed up and are trying not to be lonely old people now. since my diagnosis was confirmed, i’ve been thinking about what i want my last year or two max to look like and honestly, i don’t see my family being a part of that. i don’t want to deal with them trying to process rapidly all the old bullshit before i go and there’s no loose ends i want to wrap up with them. i also want people to remember me like i am now and not what i’m going to be like at the end. so my plan is to just not tell them, enjoy what time i have left to be active, and then let my poa person handle who gets to know what and when afterward. ideally, my family will find out after i’m gone to avoid an irritating deathbed scene. i also don’t want them interfering in my end of life care, because my mom has very different religious opinions on things than i do. i mentioned this to some friends recently and they were really disturbed by it because i would be robbing my family of the chance for closure and making amends while it’s still possible, and it will probably hurt them to know i kept something this big from them in a way that will make the grieving worse. one friend in particular found it really upsetting and told me how awful it was finding out that her brother died suddenly instead of being able to deal with it ahead of time. so, i feel like a bit of an ah now for maybe making things harder after i’m gone, but also, i still kind of don’t want the hassle.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
it’s a really complicated situation, so forgive me if i have to leave some vague stuff for space. to preface, this is a definite when not if situation, i’m working things out with an end of life counselor and such, it is what it is. i(28f) have been nc with my family for most of my adult years. my dad died when i was 9 (ironically of the same condition) and my mom remarried pretty quickly and tried to force a blended family situation complete with trying to make me call my step-dad dad and making all the kids mad with that “we don’t do step in this family, you’re all just siblings” thing and other bullshit. it backfired spectacularly, i got the brunt of it because i was the oldest and the most vocal about pushing back, so my teen years were one giant argument and i went nc as soon as i could move out. i agreed to lc a year ago after my mom apologized for trying to force me to accept my step-dad as my dad and started trying to repair the relationship, but i keep my distance. most of my step-siblings also went lc with them, so i think my mom and step-dad have realized how badly they messed up and are trying not to be lonely old people now. since my diagnosis was confirmed, i’ve been thinking about what i want my last year or two max to look like and honestly, i don’t see my family being a part of that. i don’t want to deal with them trying to process rapidly all the old bullshit before i go and there’s no loose ends i want to wrap up with them. i also want people to remember me like i am now and not what i’m going to be like at the end. so my plan is to just not tell them, enjoy what time i have left to be active, and then let my poa person handle who gets to know what and when afterward. ideally, my family will find out after i’m gone to avoid an irritating deathbed scene. i also don’t want them interfering in my end of life care, because my mom has very different religious opinions on things than i do. i mentioned this to some friends recently and they were really disturbed by it because i would be robbing my family of the chance for closure and making amends while it’s still possible, and it will probably hurt them to know i kept something this big from them in a way that will make the grieving worse. one friend in particular found it really upsetting and told me how awful it was finding out that her brother died suddenly instead of being able to deal with it ahead of time. so, i feel like a bit of an ah now for maybe making things harder after i’m gone, but also, i still kind of don’t want the hassle. [/INST] nta. you don't owe your family to tie their loose ends. they made a mess. you don't have to clean it up. you deserve to live your lasts years on your own term. don't accept any bullshit. your focus should be yourself, and what makes you happy. be selfish. you deserve to be. </s>
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AITA for stepping down as a bridesmaid for my friend who has no one else
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aita for telling my friend i would no longer be her bridesmaid even though it means she will have no one else to step in and do things like organise the hen?
for context, friend was proposed to at my wedding - this isn’t their fault but is important info. after the proposal i was surprised to be asked to be a bridesmaid
i have never liked friend’s partner and recently their behaviour got so bad that i, along with another friend, felt that we had to check everything was alright and that our friend was safe (we felt that the way he treated her could hint at emotional abuse for example, constantly belittling her, calling her a stupid effing bitch). our friend maintains that all is fine but the problem is that we don’t see both of them enough.
my friend has been acting differently for the last 10 or so months - including being rude and mean to my partner and other friends. my friend’s fiancée has also been really rude.
as our conversation about my feelings towards the partner predictably ended badly, i felt that i had to drop out of being a bridesmaid. but my friend has spoken to other friends about how upset she is about my decision and i’m wondering whether i did the right thing? she’s now left with no other friends to help
| 226 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wj8t7c/aita_for_stepping_down_as_a_bridesmaid_for_my/
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2022-08-08 13:25:01
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nta
so she's been rude to your partner but still thinks you owe her something?
you never think you'll see 'play stupid games, win stupid prizes ' so clearly. i love it.
sounds like the lack of other friends is her own fault.
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nta, it’s sad that she doesn’t have any other friends left but that’s probably due to her abusive partner. don’t be a bridesmaid for a wedding you can’t support. make sure she knows she can come to you when she finds the strength to leave him.
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gee, i wonder why she doesn't have any other friends. nta
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nta - you get to choose who you engage and participate with. you're her bridesmaid, but it's their wedding and if her partner doesn't treat you well, and you don't want to be there, you're totally within your right to step down.
lets face it... the fact that you want to step away and now she has no-one else says a lot more about them than it does about you.
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nta - but i wonder why these people were even at your wedding?
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nta - your not obligated to be a bridesmaid for people that treat you poorly.
also if she has other friends to complain to, why aren’t they stepping up?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: aita for telling my friend i would no longer be her bridesmaid even though it means she will have no one else to step in and do things like organise the hen? for context, friend was proposed to at my wedding - this isn’t their fault but is important info. after the proposal i was surprised to be asked to be a bridesmaid i have never liked friend’s partner and recently their behaviour got so bad that i, along with another friend, felt that we had to check everything was alright and that our friend was safe (we felt that the way he treated her could hint at emotional abuse for example, constantly belittling her, calling her a stupid effing bitch). our friend maintains that all is fine but the problem is that we don’t see both of them enough. my friend has been acting differently for the last 10 or so months - including being rude and mean to my partner and other friends. my friend’s fiancée has also been really rude. as our conversation about my feelings towards the partner predictably ended badly, i felt that i had to drop out of being a bridesmaid. but my friend has spoken to other friends about how upset she is about my decision and i’m wondering whether i did the right thing? she’s now left with no other friends to help
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
aita for telling my friend i would no longer be her bridesmaid even though it means she will have no one else to step in and do things like organise the hen? for context, friend was proposed to at my wedding - this isn’t their fault but is important info. after the proposal i was surprised to be asked to be a bridesmaid i have never liked friend’s partner and recently their behaviour got so bad that i, along with another friend, felt that we had to check everything was alright and that our friend was safe (we felt that the way he treated her could hint at emotional abuse for example, constantly belittling her, calling her a stupid effing bitch). our friend maintains that all is fine but the problem is that we don’t see both of them enough. my friend has been acting differently for the last 10 or so months - including being rude and mean to my partner and other friends. my friend’s fiancée has also been really rude. as our conversation about my feelings towards the partner predictably ended badly, i felt that i had to drop out of being a bridesmaid. but my friend has spoken to other friends about how upset she is about my decision and i’m wondering whether i did the right thing? she’s now left with no other friends to help [/INST] nta so she's been rude to your partner but still thinks you owe her something? you never think you'll see 'play stupid games, win stupid prizes ' so clearly. i love it. sounds like the lack of other friends is her own fault. </s>
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AITA for threatening to call the cops on my ex?
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i (22f) have a 6 year old daughter, bella, with my ex-boyfriend (22m). for context: ex's family was always super strict and religious and raised him the same way, mine has always been way more relaxed and so i'm pretty lenient with bella.
bella is like a little mini-me. she's the sweetest kid and our taste in almost everything is about the same. obviously, she's into little kid stuff like vampirina and frozen, but one major thing she takes after me in is my music taste. most of the stuff i listen to is metal or rock, but that's never seemed to bother bella. she gets really into anything i put on. i gave her my old (disconnected) iphone x for her most recent birthday, just for games and music. she asked me to put some of the songs that i listen to on it. it's not really heavy stuff, it's mainly three days grace with one korn song. if i had thought any of the music was inappropriate, i wouldn't have shown it to her or put it on her device.
bella's dad and i have never seen eye to eye on the stuff that she's allowed to watch/read/listen to. she's not allowed to watch anything with "supernatural" themes at his house (including stuff with talking animals so... most things), i can't send over any books/movies that her dad and grandparents (he lives with them) haven't approved when she goes over there.
i normally don't send bella over with anything against those rules or anything that might get lost, but she asked if she could bring her phone to her dad's this week and i decided to let her. bella comes back this afternoon with no phone. i thought that she lost it, because she told me at first that she did, but she eventually told me that her dad had taken it away. i called my ex and sure enough, he did take it. he said that he took it because his parents went through it and saw that she had 'inappropriate' music on it and it's his job as a dad to keep 'his kid' away from stuff like that.
i told him that i'll come by sometime during the week to pick up the phone. he asked me if i was going to give it back to bella and i told him yes. he said he wasn't going to give me back the phone then. i tried reasoning with him, but i told him it's either he gives me back the phone or i call the cops on him for stolen property. her dad went on a whole rant about how i'm getting in the way of him trying to parent 'his kid' and that i can't do that to him and i'm ruining his relationship with bella and trying to ruin his life over a phone (he has had trouble with cops before). i feel like i might have gone straight to the nuclear option, but a) it's *my* property and b) he can't just do whatever he wants with *our* kid. aita?
| 1,681 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pqf6gb/aita_for_threatening_to_call_the_cops_on_my_ex/
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2021-09-18 03:47:11
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nta. so, a 22 year old guy who already has a criminal history with police and a child out of wedlock from a teen pregnancy…but this “good religious upbringing” does not allow…talking animal movies?
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nta. he can't just decide to keep your property because be disagrees with you on a parenting thing. and parenting your kid your way on your time is not "interfering" with his parenting. it's just....parenting.
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nta and call the cops. it was not his property and he had no right to take it from her. also, do not allow her to take it with her to his house anymore. it is a shame that he and his parents are so strict that she can't even watch shows like dora the explorer, rapunzel, arthur or ducktales or the like because they consider them "supernatural" and thus ... evil, i guess? wow... just wow... they are going to have no one but themselves to blame when she grows up and goes nc with these zealots. but you are doing good by trying to follow their rules for her when she is in their house (i.e. not sending over books and movies and such that they wouldn't approve of) and by trying to keep things civil all around. that is about the only thing you can do to keep the peace.
but this phone thing? yeah, that you need to call the cops on. plain and simple.
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why is it that all the super religious families have kids that have problems with cops? it seems like they all do!
anyway, call the cops if you need to. also your parenting time your rules so he needs to not interfer with your parenting either. (at least by his logic).
nta.
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nta
if this uber-religious upbringing of theirs was "so great", then your ex wouldn't have had trouble with the law before. just sounds obnoxious.
should clap back to the grandfather with - "oh i'm sorry, here i was trying to parent *my* child by teaching her that stealing other people's property is wrong." at the end of the day, it sounds like they not only stole from a 6yo, but initially tried to convincer her to lie to you so that you would drop it, and think she had just lost it.
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nta
since he refused to return your property that he stole from your daughter. le is your next obvious step.
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nta
obviously your baby daddy didn’t turn out the best with those rules, but you seem pretty ok- keep raising bella with your rules & acceptance and she’ll turn out ok.
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nta?
he stole the phone that you paid for and isn't giving it back. what other option do you have?
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he was raised super religious and strict and he had premarital sex and got you pregnant at 16? i’m seeing some major hypocrisy there! nta.
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nta drop the nuke
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (22f) have a 6 year old daughter, bella, with my ex-boyfriend (22m). for context: ex's family was always super strict and religious and raised him the same way, mine has always been way more relaxed and so i'm pretty lenient with bella. bella is like a little mini-me. she's the sweetest kid and our taste in almost everything is about the same. obviously, she's into little kid stuff like vampirina and frozen, but one major thing she takes after me in is my music taste. most of the stuff i listen to is metal or rock, but that's never seemed to bother bella. she gets really into anything i put on. i gave her my old (disconnected) iphone x for her most recent birthday, just for games and music. she asked me to put some of the songs that i listen to on it. it's not really heavy stuff, it's mainly three days grace with one korn song. if i had thought any of the music was inappropriate, i wouldn't have shown it to her or put it on her device. bella's dad and i have never seen eye to eye on the stuff that she's allowed to watch/read/listen to. she's not allowed to watch anything with "supernatural" themes at his house (including stuff with talking animals so... most things), i can't send over any books/movies that her dad and grandparents (he lives with them) haven't approved when she goes over there. i normally don't send bella over with anything against those rules or anything that might get lost, but she asked if she could bring her phone to her dad's this week and i decided to let her. bella comes back this afternoon with no phone. i thought that she lost it, because she told me at first that she did, but she eventually told me that her dad had taken it away. i called my ex and sure enough, he did take it. he said that he took it because his parents went through it and saw that she had 'inappropriate' music on it and it's his job as a dad to keep 'his kid' away from stuff like that. i told him that i'll come by sometime during the week to pick up the phone. he asked me if i was going to give it back to bella and i told him yes. he said he wasn't going to give me back the phone then. i tried reasoning with him, but i told him it's either he gives me back the phone or i call the cops on him for stolen property. her dad went on a whole rant about how i'm getting in the way of him trying to parent 'his kid' and that i can't do that to him and i'm ruining his relationship with bella and trying to ruin his life over a phone (he has had trouble with cops before). i feel like i might have gone straight to the nuclear option, but a) it's *my* property and b) he can't just do whatever he wants with *our* kid. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (22f) have a 6 year old daughter, bella, with my ex-boyfriend (22m). for context: ex's family was always super strict and religious and raised him the same way, mine has always been way more relaxed and so i'm pretty lenient with bella. bella is like a little mini-me. she's the sweetest kid and our taste in almost everything is about the same. obviously, she's into little kid stuff like vampirina and frozen, but one major thing she takes after me in is my music taste. most of the stuff i listen to is metal or rock, but that's never seemed to bother bella. she gets really into anything i put on. i gave her my old (disconnected) iphone x for her most recent birthday, just for games and music. she asked me to put some of the songs that i listen to on it. it's not really heavy stuff, it's mainly three days grace with one korn song. if i had thought any of the music was inappropriate, i wouldn't have shown it to her or put it on her device. bella's dad and i have never seen eye to eye on the stuff that she's allowed to watch/read/listen to. she's not allowed to watch anything with "supernatural" themes at his house (including stuff with talking animals so... most things), i can't send over any books/movies that her dad and grandparents (he lives with them) haven't approved when she goes over there. i normally don't send bella over with anything against those rules or anything that might get lost, but she asked if she could bring her phone to her dad's this week and i decided to let her. bella comes back this afternoon with no phone. i thought that she lost it, because she told me at first that she did, but she eventually told me that her dad had taken it away. i called my ex and sure enough, he did take it. he said that he took it because his parents went through it and saw that she had 'inappropriate' music on it and it's his job as a dad to keep 'his kid' away from stuff like that. i told him that i'll come by sometime during the week to pick up the phone. he asked me if i was going to give it back to bella and i told him yes. he said he wasn't going to give me back the phone then. i tried reasoning with him, but i told him it's either he gives me back the phone or i call the cops on him for stolen property. her dad went on a whole rant about how i'm getting in the way of him trying to parent 'his kid' and that i can't do that to him and i'm ruining his relationship with bella and trying to ruin his life over a phone (he has had trouble with cops before). i feel like i might have gone straight to the nuclear option, but a) it's *my* property and b) he can't just do whatever he wants with *our* kid. aita? [/INST] nta. so, a 22 year old guy who already has a criminal history with police and a child out of wedlock from a teen pregnancy…but this “good religious upbringing” does not allow…talking animal movies? </s>
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AITA for catching my cousin stealing in front of our entire family.
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i(f18) noticed 6 months back that one of my lipsticks was missing and didn’t think much of it thinking “i’ll find it somewhere” and some time after a pair of my earrings go missing around the time my younger cousin(7f) comes around to play and it didn’t take long for me to realise that she steals something every time she comes over. yesterday, she came over again and just like i thought one of my expensive makeup items was missing, she was still at home playing while our parents were chatting, so i call her in the living room and ask sweetly if she can show me what’s in her bag. she freezes up and refuses, so i grab her bag and pull out what she stole, she starts weeping and crying and claims that i gave her that to keep it which i didn’t. to my surprise, her mother calls me a “spoiled bitch” for making “a poor child cry who doesn’t know wrong and right” and “even if she did steal that cheap thing you didn’t have to humiliate her in front of everybody.” and my mother agreed with her and let my cousin keep that lip gloss. my parents are calling me petty that i’m upset by a child, but i paid for it for my own money that’s not always easy to save as a college student. my dad says he’ll get me another one, but only if i apologise to my cousin.
should i apologise to her?
| 7,664 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/inuhal/aita_for_catching_my_cousin_stealing_in_front_of/
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2020-09-06 21:34:07
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nta - ask your parents if they remember how old you were the first time they told you not to steal shit?
seven is little bit too old to be pulling this crap.
sounds like you need to start putting everything up out-of-reach or locking your door when little miss five finger discount visits.
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nta. nope don't apologize. they are enabling entitled behavior. a 7yr old is old enough to know stealing vs a gift. i would lock your door from now on. also, if you haven't already, mention the previous times missing while she has been there.
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>making “a poor child cry who doesn’t know wrong and right”
i can't wrap my head around people who say this as a reason to let a child off on the consequences of their actions. if a child really *doesn't* know right from wrong, then we *teach* them better through discussion and logical consequences. we don't just excuse the behavior and do nothing, that won't help, it won't solve the problem of the child not knowing better.
plus, seven is old enough to have grasped the concept of "my stuff" and "not my stuff" and "i don't get to take stuff that isn't mine." also the fact that she hid it in her purse is indicitive that she *does* know better. a kid that didn't know better wouldn't bother to hide their actions.
nta.
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nta - the only thing you should maybe apologise for is grabbing her bag against her wishes (that may have been the point to get the grown ups involved instead). otherwise though, 7 is more than old enough to know that stealing is wrong. forcing you to let her keep items that she stole and forcing you to apologise to the thief is exactly the kind of parenting that has probably led to this child's confusion over right and wrong in the first place.
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nta
"now that i know you're ok with stealing, hope you got all your shit locked up."
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apologize. “i’m sorry your mother is raising a little thief. i’m sorry that your actions have made it so that i no longer trust you. i’m sorry that i no longer want you in my room or around my things. i’m sorry that you don’t care. i’m sorry for the type of person you’re becoming.” etc
nta
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nta and hell no i wouldn’t apologize.
my pride > lip gloss
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nta. if she didn't know it was wrong, why did she hide the items, started crying the second you showed you found your stuff in her bag and then proceeded to lie, telling everybody that you gave it to her? your parents and her mother handled this situation very badly.
also, you bought the lip gloss with your money, your parents shouldn't give away something that is not theirs.
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nta. they are enabling her bad behavior. hell they are rewarding it, by letting her keep you stuff.
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nta, your parents, the aunt, and possibly the child are. clearly the child knows what she is doing wrong but she is also not held accountable.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(f18) noticed 6 months back that one of my lipsticks was missing and didn’t think much of it thinking “i’ll find it somewhere” and some time after a pair of my earrings go missing around the time my younger cousin(7f) comes around to play and it didn’t take long for me to realise that she steals something every time she comes over. yesterday, she came over again and just like i thought one of my expensive makeup items was missing, she was still at home playing while our parents were chatting, so i call her in the living room and ask sweetly if she can show me what’s in her bag. she freezes up and refuses, so i grab her bag and pull out what she stole, she starts weeping and crying and claims that i gave her that to keep it which i didn’t. to my surprise, her mother calls me a “spoiled bitch” for making “a poor child cry who doesn’t know wrong and right” and “even if she did steal that cheap thing you didn’t have to humiliate her in front of everybody.” and my mother agreed with her and let my cousin keep that lip gloss. my parents are calling me petty that i’m upset by a child, but i paid for it for my own money that’s not always easy to save as a college student. my dad says he’ll get me another one, but only if i apologise to my cousin. should i apologise to her?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i(f18) noticed 6 months back that one of my lipsticks was missing and didn’t think much of it thinking “i’ll find it somewhere” and some time after a pair of my earrings go missing around the time my younger cousin(7f) comes around to play and it didn’t take long for me to realise that she steals something every time she comes over. yesterday, she came over again and just like i thought one of my expensive makeup items was missing, she was still at home playing while our parents were chatting, so i call her in the living room and ask sweetly if she can show me what’s in her bag. she freezes up and refuses, so i grab her bag and pull out what she stole, she starts weeping and crying and claims that i gave her that to keep it which i didn’t. to my surprise, her mother calls me a “spoiled bitch” for making “a poor child cry who doesn’t know wrong and right” and “even if she did steal that cheap thing you didn’t have to humiliate her in front of everybody.” and my mother agreed with her and let my cousin keep that lip gloss. my parents are calling me petty that i’m upset by a child, but i paid for it for my own money that’s not always easy to save as a college student. my dad says he’ll get me another one, but only if i apologise to my cousin. should i apologise to her? [/INST] nta - ask your parents if they remember how old you were the first time they told you not to steal shit? seven is little bit too old to be pulling this crap. sounds like you need to start putting everything up out-of-reach or locking your door when little miss five finger discount visits. </s>
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AITA for wanting to keep my cat indoors?
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so i’m (19f) home from college early amidst all this chaos. my roommate got a kitten before the campus closures were announced, but she couldn’t bring it home with her. when i heard she was going to dump her with an acquaintance, i offered to take the kitten. i asked my mom for permission before i did this.
now we’re back at my moms house, which has a dog and another cat already there. both of these animals are allowed outside. i have made it very clear i don’t want the kitten (~3 months old) to be let outside at all. both of my childhood cats were indoor/outdoor and they both eventually disappeared and are presumed dead. i don’t want that for this kitten. i want her to enjoy a long life. we have owls in this neighborhood as well as a 40mph road right behind our backyard.
my mom has a problem with this. she thinks it’s cruel to keep her inside, and has been “accidentally” letting her out with the other animals while i’m studying in my room. some of those times i found her in the front yard after she had jumped the fence. she brushes me off when i get angry at her.
today i found her outside again and got upset. i told her she was purposefully disrespecting my wishes and took the kitten to my room.
ten minutes later she comes in and says “you say i’m actively disrespecting your wishes? well, what about when you have sex with bf in the house? the disrespect goes both ways.” (i do have my bf over for the evening when she spends the night at her bf’s house. he doesn’t spend the night though). i didn’t really know what to say because it’s uncomfortable when your mom brings up your sex life. i just said “she’s my kitten and i’m not asking for much”. she said “well it’s my house. go to your dad’s if you want your own rules” and closed the door.
aita here? yes it’s her house, but the kitten is mine and i’ll be taking her with me once i lease an apartment for the fall.
| 258 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fp2c14/aita_for_wanting_to_keep_my_cat_indoors/
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2020-03-26 01:08:56
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nta. domesticated cats shouldn’t be let outside. it’s not safe for them and a recent study showed how incredibly damaging they are to the ecosystem.
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nta. your mom is comparing apples and basketballs here. on the one hand, you're trying to keep a kitten safe and respect the local bird habitat. on the other your mom has an issue with her adult daughter having her bf over to possibly have sex (not like she can confirm). you may be better off at your dad's op.
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average age of an outdoor cat is three years. average age of an indoor cat is 16 years. my vet used to tell people who complained about keeping their cats indoors "better indoors and fat than outside and flat." there is absolutely nothing good that can happen to your cat outdoors, and there's a hell of a lot that can be bad. if you never let them out, they won't miss being out. nta, and keep your kitten safe!
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nta. sounds like your mother has issues and is just looking for an excuse to get angry at you.
you have good reasons for wanting to keep the kitten indoors. your mother is just being difficult.
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nta. it is recommended that cats stay indoor. in an ideal world, a completely closed yard (like a huge bird cage) would be the best. cats can contract a fuckton of diseases like fiv, felv and even some zoonosis like toxoplasmosis from spending time in the streets (they get it from fights w/ stray cats and hunting). your kitty can have an amazing (and healthy) live indoor as long as it has toys, places to hide, climb, etc. i think your mom doesn't mean bad (related to your cat, what she said about your bf was just bs) maybe if you try to explain your side she will understand.
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chip that cat. while living there your mom won’t do what you ask, and it’s her house. you’re not the asshole, but your mom is being uncooperative because she considers it cruel. she thinks she doing for cat, so count on her doing it again. there are worse problems to have
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nta 1 there is no reason at all for a domestic cat to be outside. they live longer, happier, healthier lives when they are indoor only. 2 depending on where you are living there could be legal issues including fines if the cats leave your mother's property.
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nta. i've had too many cats hit by cars to ever allow one out again. my cat is allowed out on a leash and harness. if your mom truly feels its cruel to keep a cat in, maybe try harness training? shes a baby so she'll get used to it quick, and it means she'll be supervised while outdoors.
it also might be worth it to sit your mom down and ask her to talk about what's really bothering her. it sounds like shes sticking hard on this issue because shes frustrated about other things, and doesn't want to be upfront about it. try to be non confrontational, just "hey mom! we havent lived together in a while, and i know this is all taking some adjustment. i wanted to ask how you're feeling about everything?" and go from there.
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you're nta.
my black, polydactyl cat was murdered less than a month ago. he was 9 months old. he was neutered. he was wearing a collar.
someone swerved into the turn lane on a busy road, a 11 in the morning, to hit him, on purpose. there was no reason for them to kill him. but they did. because he was outside, where i couldnt protect him.
i loved him. he was just a baby. dont let cats outside. the world is so cruel to cats.
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it is absolutely not cruel to keep a kitten inside. especially at that age, they are typically perfectly happy to be inside. having cats outside is extremely dangerous for them. maybe give her some research on it or something. your mom is definitely ta for bringing up your sex life, it has zero relevance to the situation. she’s also ta for “accidentally” letting the cat out. op is nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i’m (19f) home from college early amidst all this chaos. my roommate got a kitten before the campus closures were announced, but she couldn’t bring it home with her. when i heard she was going to dump her with an acquaintance, i offered to take the kitten. i asked my mom for permission before i did this. now we’re back at my moms house, which has a dog and another cat already there. both of these animals are allowed outside. i have made it very clear i don’t want the kitten (~3 months old) to be let outside at all. both of my childhood cats were indoor/outdoor and they both eventually disappeared and are presumed dead. i don’t want that for this kitten. i want her to enjoy a long life. we have owls in this neighborhood as well as a 40mph road right behind our backyard. my mom has a problem with this. she thinks it’s cruel to keep her inside, and has been “accidentally” letting her out with the other animals while i’m studying in my room. some of those times i found her in the front yard after she had jumped the fence. she brushes me off when i get angry at her. today i found her outside again and got upset. i told her she was purposefully disrespecting my wishes and took the kitten to my room. ten minutes later she comes in and says “you say i’m actively disrespecting your wishes? well, what about when you have sex with bf in the house? the disrespect goes both ways.” (i do have my bf over for the evening when she spends the night at her bf’s house. he doesn’t spend the night though). i didn’t really know what to say because it’s uncomfortable when your mom brings up your sex life. i just said “she’s my kitten and i’m not asking for much”. she said “well it’s my house. go to your dad’s if you want your own rules” and closed the door. aita here? yes it’s her house, but the kitten is mine and i’ll be taking her with me once i lease an apartment for the fall.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i’m (19f) home from college early amidst all this chaos. my roommate got a kitten before the campus closures were announced, but she couldn’t bring it home with her. when i heard she was going to dump her with an acquaintance, i offered to take the kitten. i asked my mom for permission before i did this. now we’re back at my moms house, which has a dog and another cat already there. both of these animals are allowed outside. i have made it very clear i don’t want the kitten (~3 months old) to be let outside at all. both of my childhood cats were indoor/outdoor and they both eventually disappeared and are presumed dead. i don’t want that for this kitten. i want her to enjoy a long life. we have owls in this neighborhood as well as a 40mph road right behind our backyard. my mom has a problem with this. she thinks it’s cruel to keep her inside, and has been “accidentally” letting her out with the other animals while i’m studying in my room. some of those times i found her in the front yard after she had jumped the fence. she brushes me off when i get angry at her. today i found her outside again and got upset. i told her she was purposefully disrespecting my wishes and took the kitten to my room. ten minutes later she comes in and says “you say i’m actively disrespecting your wishes? well, what about when you have sex with bf in the house? the disrespect goes both ways.” (i do have my bf over for the evening when she spends the night at her bf’s house. he doesn’t spend the night though). i didn’t really know what to say because it’s uncomfortable when your mom brings up your sex life. i just said “she’s my kitten and i’m not asking for much”. she said “well it’s my house. go to your dad’s if you want your own rules” and closed the door. aita here? yes it’s her house, but the kitten is mine and i’ll be taking her with me once i lease an apartment for the fall. [/INST] nta. domesticated cats shouldn’t be let outside. it’s not safe for them and a recent study showed how incredibly damaging they are to the ecosystem. </s>
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AITA for not bringing a gift to my nieces gender reveal party?
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my niece is pregnant with her first baby and she threw a gender reveal party for family and close friends. she has a baby wish list filled with designer stuff, but a lot of that was added by my aunt (nieces mom).
i showed up with my mom, and we and 4 other people where the only ones without gifts. while no one really said anything, it was clear from their behaviour that they found it odd we came empty handed.
my aunt made a few weird comments, saying whe owed 1 additional big gift to niece either at the shower or after the birth. some of nieces friends agreed with her.
that’s why i started doubting myself.
i’ve never been to a gender reveal before, but i always believed it was expected to bring a gift to a baby shower party after people found out the gender at the reveal party. i have not spoken to my niece anymore, so i have no idea if we offended her.
we (mom and i) are planning on giving her a gift of €60 for her baby shower, and another gift when the baby is born which will also not be cheap.
so she will only get 1 gift less from us than from the rest of the family who will all be giving 3 gifts total.
i also think my aunt is already kind of mad at us because we will not be giving the designer baby things niece has on her item list and she knows that.
aita?
tldr; didn’t bring gift to gender reveal because i believed you bring gifts to baby showers after you find out the gender. aunt made weird comments about it. we also don’t want to buy baby gucci stuff aunt added to baby wish list.
| 291 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pgpu82/aita_for_not_bringing_a_gift_to_my_nieces_gender/
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2021-09-02 20:18:06
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nta. this is why gender reveal things annoy me. it's like a pre- baby shower where people expect extra gifts. it's too much.
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nta your joking, she expected gifts for a gender reveal? that's insane. that's just a gift grab. people need to stop with this nonsense.
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nta. gender reveal parties are such bs, imo. sounds like your family was using it for another sort of cash grab. you don't owe anyone a gift for anything ever, it's something you do because you want to.
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nta, they are demanding way too much if they’re expecting a gift for the gender reveal and baby shower. the way i view it is the gender reveal is just an additional thing to do with close family and friends… so wouldn’t ur presence be enough????
and i have a question, wouldn’t ur aunts daughter just be ur cousin not ur niece?
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nta. gender reveals and people who expect gifts are tacky.
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nta. i've been to a gender reveal party before. there were like 25-30 people there and no one brought gifts. i live in the us, so maybe expectations are different in the uk.
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nta. it's unbelievable and unconscionable that people are just adding nonsense events in order to get more gifts. you owe no one any gifts. that's why they're ***gifts*** and not *requirements*.
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nta personally i feel that so many of these sorts of events are basically cash grabs. and that is lame. no matter what happens in my life none of my friends or relatives should feel obligated to buy me stuff. if i want to throw a party to celebrate my own life events, that is on me.
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nta - people usually buy gendered gifts anyways (i'm not saying that things should be gendered) so they want to know the gender first
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my niece is pregnant with her first baby and she threw a gender reveal party for family and close friends. she has a baby wish list filled with designer stuff, but a lot of that was added by my aunt (nieces mom). i showed up with my mom, and we and 4 other people where the only ones without gifts. while no one really said anything, it was clear from their behaviour that they found it odd we came empty handed. my aunt made a few weird comments, saying whe owed 1 additional big gift to niece either at the shower or after the birth. some of nieces friends agreed with her. that’s why i started doubting myself. i’ve never been to a gender reveal before, but i always believed it was expected to bring a gift to a baby shower party after people found out the gender at the reveal party. i have not spoken to my niece anymore, so i have no idea if we offended her. we (mom and i) are planning on giving her a gift of €60 for her baby shower, and another gift when the baby is born which will also not be cheap. so she will only get 1 gift less from us than from the rest of the family who will all be giving 3 gifts total. i also think my aunt is already kind of mad at us because we will not be giving the designer baby things niece has on her item list and she knows that. aita? tldr; didn’t bring gift to gender reveal because i believed you bring gifts to baby showers after you find out the gender. aunt made weird comments about it. we also don’t want to buy baby gucci stuff aunt added to baby wish list.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my niece is pregnant with her first baby and she threw a gender reveal party for family and close friends. she has a baby wish list filled with designer stuff, but a lot of that was added by my aunt (nieces mom). i showed up with my mom, and we and 4 other people where the only ones without gifts. while no one really said anything, it was clear from their behaviour that they found it odd we came empty handed. my aunt made a few weird comments, saying whe owed 1 additional big gift to niece either at the shower or after the birth. some of nieces friends agreed with her. that’s why i started doubting myself. i’ve never been to a gender reveal before, but i always believed it was expected to bring a gift to a baby shower party after people found out the gender at the reveal party. i have not spoken to my niece anymore, so i have no idea if we offended her. we (mom and i) are planning on giving her a gift of €60 for her baby shower, and another gift when the baby is born which will also not be cheap. so she will only get 1 gift less from us than from the rest of the family who will all be giving 3 gifts total. i also think my aunt is already kind of mad at us because we will not be giving the designer baby things niece has on her item list and she knows that. aita? tldr; didn’t bring gift to gender reveal because i believed you bring gifts to baby showers after you find out the gender. aunt made weird comments about it. we also don’t want to buy baby gucci stuff aunt added to baby wish list. [/INST] nta. this is why gender reveal things annoy me. it's like a pre- baby shower where people expect extra gifts. it's too much. </s>
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AITA for sitting on this woman’s purse
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i’m on public transport and there’s no available seats except for this “one” that’s occupied by this lady’s purse. i asked her to move it politely but she says it’s too expensive to put on the floor. normally i don’t give a shit but i was tired from the gym and i think exhaustion made me impulsive so i just plopped myself right next to her, onto her purse. she starts freaking out and yelling and pulls her purse right under my sweaty butt and goes to complain to the driver. obviously, the driver doesn’t give a shit and the lady comes huffing and puffing back alone demanding i leave the seats. so i just plopped my gym bag right onto the other seat. i normally don’t stand up for myself but i think the obnoxious nature of this lady made me use her moves against her. do you think it’s an asshole move?
| 10,125 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c2ie01/aita_for_sitting_on_this_womans_purse/
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2019-06-19 15:21:43
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nta this is hilarious. maybe i'm biased because i hate entitled people, but she deserved to have her expensive purse sat on. "too expensive to put on the floor" there's people that are dying kim
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esh: however, you’re also my hero.
“it’s far to expensive to put on the floor”
“then how about on the street?” *yeets purse out the window*
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esh
you know you're an asshole for putting your bag in the seat she was using, but damn, what a power move. i totally endorse your assholery.
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nta
public seats are for people not things.
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nta she has a lap
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nta - her purse didn't have to go on the floor, she could have held it. no sympathy for entitled people like her.
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nta. one still usually has to pay for public transport, so unless that lady paid double so her purse could have a seat, she was ta for thinking her precious object was more important than a human being.
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nta: she is an asshole for taking seats for some stupid 'expensive' purse that she can just hold in her lap. but this whole thing is pretty hilarious.
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nta - i would have personally moved the purse before sitting on it. but her reasoning is way out of line. why does a purse get a seat over a person? she could have carried it on her lap
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esh. while they are a dick for placing their expensive purse there and i’m honestly a little happy you did what you did, you still sat on her expensive purse which to her was a dick move.
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.139196 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m on public transport and there’s no available seats except for this “one” that’s occupied by this lady’s purse. i asked her to move it politely but she says it’s too expensive to put on the floor. normally i don’t give a shit but i was tired from the gym and i think exhaustion made me impulsive so i just plopped myself right next to her, onto her purse. she starts freaking out and yelling and pulls her purse right under my sweaty butt and goes to complain to the driver. obviously, the driver doesn’t give a shit and the lady comes huffing and puffing back alone demanding i leave the seats. so i just plopped my gym bag right onto the other seat. i normally don’t stand up for myself but i think the obnoxious nature of this lady made me use her moves against her. do you think it’s an asshole move?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m on public transport and there’s no available seats except for this “one” that’s occupied by this lady’s purse. i asked her to move it politely but she says it’s too expensive to put on the floor. normally i don’t give a shit but i was tired from the gym and i think exhaustion made me impulsive so i just plopped myself right next to her, onto her purse. she starts freaking out and yelling and pulls her purse right under my sweaty butt and goes to complain to the driver. obviously, the driver doesn’t give a shit and the lady comes huffing and puffing back alone demanding i leave the seats. so i just plopped my gym bag right onto the other seat. i normally don’t stand up for myself but i think the obnoxious nature of this lady made me use her moves against her. do you think it’s an asshole move? [/INST] nta this is hilarious. maybe i'm biased because i hate entitled people, but she deserved to have her expensive purse sat on. "too expensive to put on the floor" there's people that are dying kim </s>
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AITA for refusing to cater to my girlfriend’s food preferences?
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i (28m) have been with my lovely gf (29f) for 3 years, we moved in together about a year ago. aside from this issue, our relationship is perfect. she’s a smart, compassionate, and successful woman and i love her very much.
i work part-time while my gf works full-time as a nurse. as such, i have taken up more of the chores around the house, including cooking. i love to cook so i have no issue doing it.
however, my gf’s food preferences are so insanely restrictive that it has sucked the joy out of cooking for me. she refuses to eat anything she deems “unhealthy” which means no spaghetti, no hamburgers, no sloppy joes, no chili, nothing. our go-to meal is grilled chicken with fresh veggies, which is delicious, but not “i’ll eat this 7 days a week” delicious.
i’m so bored of eating the same meals over and over. anything with “too many” carbs? no. anything greasy? no. a few times i’ve made my family’s lasagna, or grilled some hamburgers, stuff that i want to eat, and my gf would blow up at me and refuse to eat and guilt me about it.
i have reached my limit. i haven’t eaten something i like to eat in almost a year. i sat her down a few days ago and said i was going to start cooking things i want to eat. i would still incorporate her favorite meals during the week, but some days i would cook stuff that i liked too.
she was furious. she said that it was unfair of me to cook something she doesn’t like, especially when she works long shifts and looks forward to dinner. she said that we both eat the healthy meals, whereas she would not eat the unhealthy meals, so i’d be selfish for cooking something that only one of us could eat.
she asked me to make two meals. i said that it was unfair for her to expect me to cook two separate meals every night. i said she can eat the unhealthy meals, she chooses not to.
i told her sorry, but if i’m cooking, i want to make things i like sometimes too. she was so upset that she went to stay with her parents.
now she is calling me an ah as well as her family (they all eat only healthy meals). i just miss hot dogs and french fries!
aita?
| 2,618 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wugbms/aita_for_refusing_to_cater_to_my_girlfriends_food/
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2022-08-22 01:34:02
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nta and i think your girlfriend is being unreasonable. i saw in one of your comments that she works full time to slightly more than full time hours, so not 7 days a week. why can't she batch cook a couple of chicken breasts on a day off so you can enjoy your burger and she had something really available? relationships are about compromise and i couldn't imagine forcing my spouse to eat only what i want every day. that's unfair and that's why it makes her the ah, not the boring ass meal she chose.
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why on bob's green earth can't your gf eat a leftover dinner?
cook a bit more on one night so she can eat that again the next night and you can have your frozen pizza.
or why can't your gf cook for herself one or two days a week on her days off?
or why can't you have your hot dogs and chili for your solo meals since you work part-time?
nah. just two people who lack the conflict resolution skills necessary for a successful relationship.
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nta
geez she's rigid!
>i haven’t eaten something i like to eat in almost a year.
you are an infinitely patient person.
cook healthfully four days a week. then cook what you want three days. let her take care of her own dinner.
she being completely ridiculous with her demands that you cook two separate meals. she has days off, right? let her cook for you on those days.
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this kinda sounds like orthorexia - an eating disorder surrounding the obsession with eating healthy - more than entitlement. some warning signs:
compulsive checking of ingredient lists and nutritional labels
an increase in concern about the health of ingredients
cutting out an increasing number of food groups (all sugar, all carbs, all dairy, all meat, all animal products)
an inability to eat anything but a narrow group of foods that are deemed ‘healthy’ or ‘pure’
unusual interest in the health of what others are eating
spending hours per day thinking about what food might be served at upcoming events
showing high levels of distress when ‘safe’ or ‘healthy’ foods aren’t available
obsessive following of food and ‘healthy lifestyle’ blogs on twitter and instagram
body image concerns may or may not be present
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nta
she can cook for herself if she doesn't want to eat what you're cooking.
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nta but there is a balance, if you want a burger it's not hard to throw a chicken breast or mushroom burger on the grill. i know that doesn't solve all your problems at all, but sometimes 2 meals can be made out of similar stuff- you want greasy cheesey tacos? cool, she can make a light taco salad or rice/bean bowl out of essentially the same ingredients. you want steak and potatoes? rad, she can do a steak salad
neither of you should be completely bowing to the other's preferences. the fact that you have so long is admirable
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nta. sounds like your “compassionate” girlfriend needs to find some passion for cooking her own food.
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nta - but you wbta if you don’t look into eating disorders because that is exactly what it sounds like. demonizing food is not healthy. also, her inflexibility is very telling among other things
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nta. your girlfriend sounds like she has an eating disorder.
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[deleted]
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.000646 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (28m) have been with my lovely gf (29f) for 3 years, we moved in together about a year ago. aside from this issue, our relationship is perfect. she’s a smart, compassionate, and successful woman and i love her very much. i work part-time while my gf works full-time as a nurse. as such, i have taken up more of the chores around the house, including cooking. i love to cook so i have no issue doing it. however, my gf’s food preferences are so insanely restrictive that it has sucked the joy out of cooking for me. she refuses to eat anything she deems “unhealthy” which means no spaghetti, no hamburgers, no sloppy joes, no chili, nothing. our go-to meal is grilled chicken with fresh veggies, which is delicious, but not “i’ll eat this 7 days a week” delicious. i’m so bored of eating the same meals over and over. anything with “too many” carbs? no. anything greasy? no. a few times i’ve made my family’s lasagna, or grilled some hamburgers, stuff that i want to eat, and my gf would blow up at me and refuse to eat and guilt me about it. i have reached my limit. i haven’t eaten something i like to eat in almost a year. i sat her down a few days ago and said i was going to start cooking things i want to eat. i would still incorporate her favorite meals during the week, but some days i would cook stuff that i liked too. she was furious. she said that it was unfair of me to cook something she doesn’t like, especially when she works long shifts and looks forward to dinner. she said that we both eat the healthy meals, whereas she would not eat the unhealthy meals, so i’d be selfish for cooking something that only one of us could eat. she asked me to make two meals. i said that it was unfair for her to expect me to cook two separate meals every night. i said she can eat the unhealthy meals, she chooses not to. i told her sorry, but if i’m cooking, i want to make things i like sometimes too. she was so upset that she went to stay with her parents. now she is calling me an ah as well as her family (they all eat only healthy meals). i just miss hot dogs and french fries! aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (28m) have been with my lovely gf (29f) for 3 years, we moved in together about a year ago. aside from this issue, our relationship is perfect. she’s a smart, compassionate, and successful woman and i love her very much. i work part-time while my gf works full-time as a nurse. as such, i have taken up more of the chores around the house, including cooking. i love to cook so i have no issue doing it. however, my gf’s food preferences are so insanely restrictive that it has sucked the joy out of cooking for me. she refuses to eat anything she deems “unhealthy” which means no spaghetti, no hamburgers, no sloppy joes, no chili, nothing. our go-to meal is grilled chicken with fresh veggies, which is delicious, but not “i’ll eat this 7 days a week” delicious. i’m so bored of eating the same meals over and over. anything with “too many” carbs? no. anything greasy? no. a few times i’ve made my family’s lasagna, or grilled some hamburgers, stuff that i want to eat, and my gf would blow up at me and refuse to eat and guilt me about it. i have reached my limit. i haven’t eaten something i like to eat in almost a year. i sat her down a few days ago and said i was going to start cooking things i want to eat. i would still incorporate her favorite meals during the week, but some days i would cook stuff that i liked too. she was furious. she said that it was unfair of me to cook something she doesn’t like, especially when she works long shifts and looks forward to dinner. she said that we both eat the healthy meals, whereas she would not eat the unhealthy meals, so i’d be selfish for cooking something that only one of us could eat. she asked me to make two meals. i said that it was unfair for her to expect me to cook two separate meals every night. i said she can eat the unhealthy meals, she chooses not to. i told her sorry, but if i’m cooking, i want to make things i like sometimes too. she was so upset that she went to stay with her parents. now she is calling me an ah as well as her family (they all eat only healthy meals). i just miss hot dogs and french fries! aita? [/INST] nta and i think your girlfriend is being unreasonable. i saw in one of your comments that she works full time to slightly more than full time hours, so not 7 days a week. why can't she batch cook a couple of chicken breasts on a day off so you can enjoy your burger and she had something really available? relationships are about compromise and i couldn't imagine forcing my spouse to eat only what i want every day. that's unfair and that's why it makes her the ah, not the boring ass meal she chose. </s>
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AITA for scheduling a blow out and not telling them that I have long hair when I made the appt?
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the day of my rehearsal dinner my mom paid for me to get my hair styled at the salon we went to. i honestly just wanted a blow out with some curls. i booked the appt and was never asked about the length of my hair only the style i wanted. i have never gotten my hair styled professionally prior to this.
when i arrived, the stylist immediately started talking about how bad her wrists were hurting her. then she started playing with my hair making comments like, "omg you have way too much hair. this is way too much hair. you really should cut this." this is the day before my wedding and did not feel good to hear.
she proceeded to say she didn't think she could do my hair and went up to the front desk to talk to them. she returned and said, "i'm going to get you started and then someone else will finish you but you really should've told us how much hair you have when you booked this appointment."
is this something i should've done? they did not ask me how long my hair was when i called.
eta info: my hair is down to my chest and rather thick.
deleted picture for privacy reasons.
thank you everyone for responding to this. i can stop ruminating about the situation with your input
| 428 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wtn9aj/aita_for_scheduling_a_blow_out_and_not_telling/
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2022-08-21 01:37:52
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nta.
if they want that information up front, they need to be asking for it. i've had comments about how much hair i have and how quickly it grows from one appointment to the next, but it has never, ever been in the context of *this is too much, i don't want to do this. why do you even have so much? you should just cut it all off.* this stylist was incredibly rude.
and since you're relatively new to having your hair styled professionally, i promise, it's not the norm. most stylists are great. you didn't do anything wrong, you just ran into an ah.
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nta. this stylist was unprofessional. if length or thickness of hair mattered, they would ask. i’ve been to salons all over the us and have never been asked, and the only comments i get about my very thick hair are compliments.
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nta, especially since your hair is just averagely long based on your comments. that stylist was super unprofessional. i would suggest callingback and complaining about how she behaved, and i'm not one to really do that but this is absurd
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nta. you got a shitty stylist. i got a spiral perm when they were all the rage. i had so much hair that they ran out of curlers halfway through and another stylist had to run out to buy more. they never blamed me or complained about this, other than to say if anyone asks how much it cost, i should quote double what they charged me.
you did absolutely nothing wrong.
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nta…speaking as someone with short hair…why would someone with short hair need a blow out????
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nta, they were really unprofessional about it. i have long, thick hair and only once in my life has a stylist ever complained. i was 8 at the time and the woman kept complaining that i have too much hair. it really bothered me even at that age.
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nta. if your hair is past mid-back, maybe it would be helpful to them to mention it but long hair is not so rare that it should be a surprise. definitely not an ah that you didn't think to mention it.
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nta. it's a blow out, not a color. it takes almost no extra resources. the stylist just didn't want to work harder (and maybe her wrist did hurt).
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nta. sounds like she just didn’t want to do you hair, which she should have been upfront about.
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nta .. hair dressers are trained professionals (supposedly) and long hair is just another task.. yes, it may take longer, but that's why they took the job.. to do hair.
she's just lazy.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: the day of my rehearsal dinner my mom paid for me to get my hair styled at the salon we went to. i honestly just wanted a blow out with some curls. i booked the appt and was never asked about the length of my hair only the style i wanted. i have never gotten my hair styled professionally prior to this. when i arrived, the stylist immediately started talking about how bad her wrists were hurting her. then she started playing with my hair making comments like, "omg you have way too much hair. this is way too much hair. you really should cut this." this is the day before my wedding and did not feel good to hear. she proceeded to say she didn't think she could do my hair and went up to the front desk to talk to them. she returned and said, "i'm going to get you started and then someone else will finish you but you really should've told us how much hair you have when you booked this appointment." is this something i should've done? they did not ask me how long my hair was when i called. eta info: my hair is down to my chest and rather thick. deleted picture for privacy reasons. thank you everyone for responding to this. i can stop ruminating about the situation with your input
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
the day of my rehearsal dinner my mom paid for me to get my hair styled at the salon we went to. i honestly just wanted a blow out with some curls. i booked the appt and was never asked about the length of my hair only the style i wanted. i have never gotten my hair styled professionally prior to this. when i arrived, the stylist immediately started talking about how bad her wrists were hurting her. then she started playing with my hair making comments like, "omg you have way too much hair. this is way too much hair. you really should cut this." this is the day before my wedding and did not feel good to hear. she proceeded to say she didn't think she could do my hair and went up to the front desk to talk to them. she returned and said, "i'm going to get you started and then someone else will finish you but you really should've told us how much hair you have when you booked this appointment." is this something i should've done? they did not ask me how long my hair was when i called. eta info: my hair is down to my chest and rather thick. deleted picture for privacy reasons. thank you everyone for responding to this. i can stop ruminating about the situation with your input [/INST] nta. if they want that information up front, they need to be asking for it. i've had comments about how much hair i have and how quickly it grows from one appointment to the next, but it has never, ever been in the context of *this is too much, i don't want to do this. why do you even have so much? you should just cut it all off.* this stylist was incredibly rude. and since you're relatively new to having your hair styled professionally, i promise, it's not the norm. most stylists are great. you didn't do anything wrong, you just ran into an ah. </s>
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AITA for telling my brother he is the luckiest man in the world when his girlfriend had a miscarriage
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my brother(22m) got his girlfriend pregnant, he told me first. i ( 15m) did not really say anything because i was shocked. well when he told our parents they were off the rocker, they said they were going to kick him out if he was not in the child's life and could not provide for it . my brother begged his girlfriend to get an abortion. she was too stubborn and they broke up. well my brother has been sad for a few months. well, luck was kind of on his side and surprisingly his 22(f) girlfriend actually got a miscarriage. when my brother was told the news he was happy over the phone while he was talking with his ex. well my brother thought he was muted so he told me the news and i said he was the luckiest man in the world. well his ex heard and started screaming at me cussing me out and calling me an a hole. i told our parents and they agree with my brother's ex well reddit am the buthole? my brother believes it was just a misunderstanding.
| 1,444 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/juntoe/aita_for_telling_my_brother_he_is_the_luckiest/
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2020-11-15 15:44:21
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yta. miscarriages are traumatic. your brother gets off the hook for being irresponsible while she has to deal with losing her first pregnancy, and you basically rubbed it in her face.
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yta
you celebrated her baby dying.
i understand being excited for your brother not having to take responsibility for a child he didn't want, but man...c'mon. your niece/nephew just died and you cheered.
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yta that poor woman just lost her baby that is a very traumatic thing to go through and your brother is no better i think you both need to grow up and abstain from s#x until you can deal with the consequence of that act
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yta and so is your brother, if he didn't want a baby put something on the end of it.
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yta. i don’t really know what you expected.
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yta - im a female, i hate kids and don’t want any kids. however, ur brothers girlfriend clearly was on on board, preparing for a child. having a miscarriage is so heartbreaking and depressing for a woman who wants to keep her child.
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yikes. both you and your brother, complete and utter yta.
how horrible can you be. maybe it wasn't ideal that he got his ex pregnant but you should have kept your mouth shut when you found out about the miscarriage, clearly his ex was happy about the pregnancy and you calling your brother lucky because she lost it? shame on you. shame on both of you. if he didn't want kids, he should have taken precautionsand discussed it with his ex. i sincerely hope that you learn to grow up and realise how hurtful those words were.
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yta for saying it *while he was on the phone with his girlfriend.* let this be a lesson to you that you need to make sure a call has been disconnected before saying things that shouldn't be overheard.
edit to add: i don't agree at all that there's anything wrong with your brother feeling relieved or with your supporting his feelings, but that should have been done privately, not where his ex might have overheard.
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yes, yta. your response was not appropriate, regardless of the circumstances.
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y’all keep voting y t a saying he shouldn’t have said it to her, but he thought the mic was muted and said that in what he thought was confidence with his brother. i don’t think he’s the asshole for that and i don’t think the ex is either for being hurt. nah, it’s clear op’s brother and ex wanted different things and their feelings about that miscarriage would be different. those feelings came to the surface the way they did accidentally and the people involved need to deal with the other party feeling differently than themselves
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother(22m) got his girlfriend pregnant, he told me first. i ( 15m) did not really say anything because i was shocked. well when he told our parents they were off the rocker, they said they were going to kick him out if he was not in the child's life and could not provide for it . my brother begged his girlfriend to get an abortion. she was too stubborn and they broke up. well my brother has been sad for a few months. well, luck was kind of on his side and surprisingly his 22(f) girlfriend actually got a miscarriage. when my brother was told the news he was happy over the phone while he was talking with his ex. well my brother thought he was muted so he told me the news and i said he was the luckiest man in the world. well his ex heard and started screaming at me cussing me out and calling me an a hole. i told our parents and they agree with my brother's ex well reddit am the buthole? my brother believes it was just a misunderstanding.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my brother(22m) got his girlfriend pregnant, he told me first. i ( 15m) did not really say anything because i was shocked. well when he told our parents they were off the rocker, they said they were going to kick him out if he was not in the child's life and could not provide for it . my brother begged his girlfriend to get an abortion. she was too stubborn and they broke up. well my brother has been sad for a few months. well, luck was kind of on his side and surprisingly his 22(f) girlfriend actually got a miscarriage. when my brother was told the news he was happy over the phone while he was talking with his ex. well my brother thought he was muted so he told me the news and i said he was the luckiest man in the world. well his ex heard and started screaming at me cussing me out and calling me an a hole. i told our parents and they agree with my brother's ex well reddit am the buthole? my brother believes it was just a misunderstanding. [/INST] yta. miscarriages are traumatic. your brother gets off the hook for being irresponsible while she has to deal with losing her first pregnancy, and you basically rubbed it in her face. </s>
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AITA for getting my brother's girlfriend fired
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my family owns a restaurant. my dad, my younger brother, and i all work there, put a lot of time and effort into it. my brother(17m), in may, began dating this girl "tyra"(17f). my brother told us all about how tyra's folks didn't want her spending the summer just lounging by the pool doing nothing and argued with her constantly to get a job. she naturally asked my brother if there was an " easy" job at the restaurant she could do. my brother, to his credit did tell her she wasnt going to find an " easy" job and all but begged my dad to just hire her as a waitress. his whole pitch was, " she's pretty and thats why i think she'd be a great waitress".
my dad agreed to give her a shot. she's been at this since june basically and, it'd be one thing if she were making mistakes, but, apologizing, trying to learn, get better, but, with her, her whole attitude is, " i'm dating the owner's son, i'm teflon". she shows up late for shifts, just outright will skip shifts and then claim something like a bad cough or a sniffle. quick to blame everyone else for her mistakes.
i've tried a few times to just go to my brother and tell him that he needs to help her, but he's too deep in his rose-tinted pov of her that all he sees is, " isn't she so pretty and isn't her smile just wonderful?", and she knows that so any time she thinks one of her co-workers is upset with her, she runs to him and basically asks him to protect her.
a few nights ago, we weren't like packed, filled to the brim, but, we had enough people that it was keeping everyone doing something, and she decided to go off to a corner and just scroll on her phone. i told her that she needed to be doing something, she rolled her eyes. i reiterated she needed to go find something to do. she says, " maybe i need to go get your brother and you two can talk".
i left her alone after that and the next morning insisted to my dad that we fire her. he fired her, my brother is pissed at me and wants to make it seem like i was asking too much of her. my point to him was, everyone but him, basically saw her as like a lazy, spoiled, princess type. apparently she's mad at me because now her parents are angry with her.
aita?
| 2,500 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xi2ptu/aita_for_getting_my_brothers_girlfriend_fired/
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2022-09-19 05:16:00
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nta. but your brother is. it isn’t just tyra who is acting entitled here. your brother is trying to impress the pretty girl by being the owner’s son, just as much as she was trying to skate by on that same fact.
your brother needs a wake up call. he isn’t special enough to just pass his privilege onto random girls that he wants to impress
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nta, you did try multiple times to have your brother intervene and even asked her to do something. all she gave you and others was rudeness, of course she should be fired.
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nta
she could have done light effort and may have skated by. now she will find with next job how easy she had it.
tell bro you did him a big favor. she either develops a work ethic now, or she may grow up to be a leech all her life.
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nta. tyra got herself fired.
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n t a - at work she isn’t the owner’s girlfriend, she’s a regular employee who has to do the work like any other worker there. honestly the moment it got to her head, you should’ve fired her or at the minimum reprimanded her.
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nta, she got way more chances than any other employee would in her place. if she wanted to keep the job she should’ve worked to keep the job, you didn’t get her fired for being his gf, but for not doing the job she was hired to do.
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nta. and your dad should have kept an eye on her, so you didn't have to be the bad guy in this.
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the funny thing is she doesn't think about the op position. she's the owner's daughter. surely both have same level of influence with the dad/owner. unless son told her something else whilst bragging.
dad should have kept a closer eye and the bf got herself fired. life has a lot of shocks for this girl! hopefully the parents will straighten her out.
nta
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nta. her doing absolutely nothing basically meant she expected your dad to give her money every week for just being your brothers girlfriend.
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no, nta
since she had no work experience, i hope she was put on notice before getting fired. your dad should have sat both the brother and the girlfriend down and explained that while he welcomed her on staff, she wasn’t going to get a free pass.
she wasn’t doing her job, and it’s a family business. wherever she was gone or off-task everyone else was picking up the slack. you have to take care of the other workers. hopefully, your brother understands that a good waitress has to have more than a pretty face, and she now knows why it’s called “work.”
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my family owns a restaurant. my dad, my younger brother, and i all work there, put a lot of time and effort into it. my brother(17m), in may, began dating this girl "tyra"(17f). my brother told us all about how tyra's folks didn't want her spending the summer just lounging by the pool doing nothing and argued with her constantly to get a job. she naturally asked my brother if there was an " easy" job at the restaurant she could do. my brother, to his credit did tell her she wasnt going to find an " easy" job and all but begged my dad to just hire her as a waitress. his whole pitch was, " she's pretty and thats why i think she'd be a great waitress". my dad agreed to give her a shot. she's been at this since june basically and, it'd be one thing if she were making mistakes, but, apologizing, trying to learn, get better, but, with her, her whole attitude is, " i'm dating the owner's son, i'm teflon". she shows up late for shifts, just outright will skip shifts and then claim something like a bad cough or a sniffle. quick to blame everyone else for her mistakes. i've tried a few times to just go to my brother and tell him that he needs to help her, but he's too deep in his rose-tinted pov of her that all he sees is, " isn't she so pretty and isn't her smile just wonderful?", and she knows that so any time she thinks one of her co-workers is upset with her, she runs to him and basically asks him to protect her. a few nights ago, we weren't like packed, filled to the brim, but, we had enough people that it was keeping everyone doing something, and she decided to go off to a corner and just scroll on her phone. i told her that she needed to be doing something, she rolled her eyes. i reiterated she needed to go find something to do. she says, " maybe i need to go get your brother and you two can talk". i left her alone after that and the next morning insisted to my dad that we fire her. he fired her, my brother is pissed at me and wants to make it seem like i was asking too much of her. my point to him was, everyone but him, basically saw her as like a lazy, spoiled, princess type. apparently she's mad at me because now her parents are angry with her. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my family owns a restaurant. my dad, my younger brother, and i all work there, put a lot of time and effort into it. my brother(17m), in may, began dating this girl "tyra"(17f). my brother told us all about how tyra's folks didn't want her spending the summer just lounging by the pool doing nothing and argued with her constantly to get a job. she naturally asked my brother if there was an " easy" job at the restaurant she could do. my brother, to his credit did tell her she wasnt going to find an " easy" job and all but begged my dad to just hire her as a waitress. his whole pitch was, " she's pretty and thats why i think she'd be a great waitress". my dad agreed to give her a shot. she's been at this since june basically and, it'd be one thing if she were making mistakes, but, apologizing, trying to learn, get better, but, with her, her whole attitude is, " i'm dating the owner's son, i'm teflon". she shows up late for shifts, just outright will skip shifts and then claim something like a bad cough or a sniffle. quick to blame everyone else for her mistakes. i've tried a few times to just go to my brother and tell him that he needs to help her, but he's too deep in his rose-tinted pov of her that all he sees is, " isn't she so pretty and isn't her smile just wonderful?", and she knows that so any time she thinks one of her co-workers is upset with her, she runs to him and basically asks him to protect her. a few nights ago, we weren't like packed, filled to the brim, but, we had enough people that it was keeping everyone doing something, and she decided to go off to a corner and just scroll on her phone. i told her that she needed to be doing something, she rolled her eyes. i reiterated she needed to go find something to do. she says, " maybe i need to go get your brother and you two can talk". i left her alone after that and the next morning insisted to my dad that we fire her. he fired her, my brother is pissed at me and wants to make it seem like i was asking too much of her. my point to him was, everyone but him, basically saw her as like a lazy, spoiled, princess type. apparently she's mad at me because now her parents are angry with her. aita? [/INST] nta. but your brother is. it isn’t just tyra who is acting entitled here. your brother is trying to impress the pretty girl by being the owner’s son, just as much as she was trying to skate by on that same fact. your brother needs a wake up call. he isn’t special enough to just pass his privilege onto random girls that he wants to impress </s>
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WIBTA if I blew up on my BIL?
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to start, i’m(33f) anaphylacticly allergic to mushrooms. it sucks. i know it sucks. i also know it sounds like a lie. i’ve had two encounters with “friends” who tried to feed me mushrooms and sent me to the icu.
my husband(30m) knows this and takes this allergy incredibly serious. it’s nice. and i’m not a dick about it either. if we go out and he wants something with mushrooms, he can get it. we just can’t kiss until we’re home and he’s brushed his teeth.
but absolutely they cannot come in the house. and we’ve lived just the two of us since we got married and this was a nonissue until we moved to live with his brother(30m) and his girlfriend(26f). it’s the pandemic. it was a win win for everyone. and i was very upfront and very honest about my allergy. i compromised straight away. it can’t be in the common areas where i could accidentally interact with it. if you cook with it, you need to tell me straight away. it’s a life and death matter. blah blah blah. the works.
and it was fine until a couple of weeks ago when my bil asked me to grab his dinner from the microwave. i did without thinking and my hand started to instantly hive. i looked at what i was holding and it was mushroom stirfry and my thumb was touching it.
i went to get my prescription allergy medication while my husband talked to his brother about forgetting. bil apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again. and then it did. i was cleaning out the fridge and grabbed an opened container of portabellas. instant hives again. this time my husband was mean about it. told my bil and his gf that this is the last time. the next time we’re leaving.
and then, again, today. i found an unopened package of enoki. i dropped it, washed my hands just in case. and i started bawling. right on the kitchen floor because it’s now plainly clear that my bil and his gf don’t care and want us to leave.
but would i be the asshole if i went off on them for disregarding my allergies in a home that we share? we’re all renting so it’s not like the place is owned by either of us. but they were kind enough to allow us to move in so we could all save a bit more during the pandemic. yet, they were fine with it at the start and are now they’re just disregarding it. it feels like they want us gone.
my husband is telling me not to sweat it. that we’ll find a place for us soon, but living with his brother was the whole reason we uprooted our lives and moved across the country. to save money and be close to his family.
*
| 494 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mu4dme/wibta_if_i_blew_up_on_my_bil/
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2021-04-19 16:26:16
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nta. my daughter has a severe peanut allergy but i am the ah who hasn’t given up peanut butter. but i am insanely careful. peanut butter doesn’t touch any pots pans or cutting boards. dishes or utensils that have had any contact are not touched by sponges etc. it’s a whole system to accommodate my addiction.
so i get it. it’s a pain. but your life is more important and your bil could have straightforwardly said “this isn’t working out” not passively aggressively risked your health.
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nta, but if you already talked to them twice and are moving out, idk what blowing up on them would do at this point. i'd just move out and be done with them.
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nta. leave bil's apt asap, before he "accidentally" puts you in the hospital.
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nta-but leave the communicating with the bil to your husband. since your husband has been doing the communicating, let him continue. focus on getting out of there and surviving!
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esh them for not being careful and also you for not being careful. this starting with you sticking your thumb in someone's food is strange, and it evolving to you repeatedly blindly grabbing containers with mushrooms in them (in my experience mushroom containers are not opaque and are very obviously mushrooms) is you not taking care. yes they are rude for not being more careful but that doesn't make your carelessness okay
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nta, but blowing up on him won’t change anything. they probably don’t think you getting hives on your hands is that big of a deal, but obviously they don’t know anything about allergies. just move and cut contact, it’s not worth the risk.
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nta, they are endangering your health.
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nta, you're both on the lease, everyone okayed the rule, and, my perspective only, mushrooms are avoidable while cooking, maybe it's just me, but there are not a main ingredient in the dishes i make often (my wife love them, i cook with mushrooms from time to time), do you belong to a culture where mushrooms are very present in the culinary arts? i mean a deadly allergy to gluten or dairies would have much more impact in the cooking styles or the ready to eat meals for the whole household
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nta and i’m glad you’re getting out of that situation.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: to start, i’m(33f) anaphylacticly allergic to mushrooms. it sucks. i know it sucks. i also know it sounds like a lie. i’ve had two encounters with “friends” who tried to feed me mushrooms and sent me to the icu. my husband(30m) knows this and takes this allergy incredibly serious. it’s nice. and i’m not a dick about it either. if we go out and he wants something with mushrooms, he can get it. we just can’t kiss until we’re home and he’s brushed his teeth. but absolutely they cannot come in the house. and we’ve lived just the two of us since we got married and this was a nonissue until we moved to live with his brother(30m) and his girlfriend(26f). it’s the pandemic. it was a win win for everyone. and i was very upfront and very honest about my allergy. i compromised straight away. it can’t be in the common areas where i could accidentally interact with it. if you cook with it, you need to tell me straight away. it’s a life and death matter. blah blah blah. the works. and it was fine until a couple of weeks ago when my bil asked me to grab his dinner from the microwave. i did without thinking and my hand started to instantly hive. i looked at what i was holding and it was mushroom stirfry and my thumb was touching it. i went to get my prescription allergy medication while my husband talked to his brother about forgetting. bil apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again. and then it did. i was cleaning out the fridge and grabbed an opened container of portabellas. instant hives again. this time my husband was mean about it. told my bil and his gf that this is the last time. the next time we’re leaving. and then, again, today. i found an unopened package of enoki. i dropped it, washed my hands just in case. and i started bawling. right on the kitchen floor because it’s now plainly clear that my bil and his gf don’t care and want us to leave. but would i be the asshole if i went off on them for disregarding my allergies in a home that we share? we’re all renting so it’s not like the place is owned by either of us. but they were kind enough to allow us to move in so we could all save a bit more during the pandemic. yet, they were fine with it at the start and are now they’re just disregarding it. it feels like they want us gone. my husband is telling me not to sweat it. that we’ll find a place for us soon, but living with his brother was the whole reason we uprooted our lives and moved across the country. to save money and be close to his family. *
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
to start, i’m(33f) anaphylacticly allergic to mushrooms. it sucks. i know it sucks. i also know it sounds like a lie. i’ve had two encounters with “friends” who tried to feed me mushrooms and sent me to the icu. my husband(30m) knows this and takes this allergy incredibly serious. it’s nice. and i’m not a dick about it either. if we go out and he wants something with mushrooms, he can get it. we just can’t kiss until we’re home and he’s brushed his teeth. but absolutely they cannot come in the house. and we’ve lived just the two of us since we got married and this was a nonissue until we moved to live with his brother(30m) and his girlfriend(26f). it’s the pandemic. it was a win win for everyone. and i was very upfront and very honest about my allergy. i compromised straight away. it can’t be in the common areas where i could accidentally interact with it. if you cook with it, you need to tell me straight away. it’s a life and death matter. blah blah blah. the works. and it was fine until a couple of weeks ago when my bil asked me to grab his dinner from the microwave. i did without thinking and my hand started to instantly hive. i looked at what i was holding and it was mushroom stirfry and my thumb was touching it. i went to get my prescription allergy medication while my husband talked to his brother about forgetting. bil apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again. and then it did. i was cleaning out the fridge and grabbed an opened container of portabellas. instant hives again. this time my husband was mean about it. told my bil and his gf that this is the last time. the next time we’re leaving. and then, again, today. i found an unopened package of enoki. i dropped it, washed my hands just in case. and i started bawling. right on the kitchen floor because it’s now plainly clear that my bil and his gf don’t care and want us to leave. but would i be the asshole if i went off on them for disregarding my allergies in a home that we share? we’re all renting so it’s not like the place is owned by either of us. but they were kind enough to allow us to move in so we could all save a bit more during the pandemic. yet, they were fine with it at the start and are now they’re just disregarding it. it feels like they want us gone. my husband is telling me not to sweat it. that we’ll find a place for us soon, but living with his brother was the whole reason we uprooted our lives and moved across the country. to save money and be close to his family. * [/INST] nta. my daughter has a severe peanut allergy but i am the ah who hasn’t given up peanut butter. but i am insanely careful. peanut butter doesn’t touch any pots pans or cutting boards. dishes or utensils that have had any contact are not touched by sponges etc. it’s a whole system to accommodate my addiction. so i get it. it’s a pain. but your life is more important and your bil could have straightforwardly said “this isn’t working out” not passively aggressively risked your health. </s>
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AITA for storming into my roommate's room?
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we live in a house and we rent rooms. i (24f) share the house with alexa (23f), brit (21f), mark (21m) and paul (22m).
last year, we had already troubles with brit (p,m&a are new this year). she's a mess and also her boyfriend, who stays over like 6 times a week. now mark and paul are two big pigs too and won't clean either.
alexa and i have teamed and we share our own kitchen stuff. we have a key of each other's rooms.
this has been an issue and after a lot of long talks we have given up. i'm not asking for a spotless house, i'm just asking for basic stuff to be done, like brooming onion rests of the floor, not leaving the counter full of pepper seeds and tomato, not leaving the things in the sink for over a week...having a plate available when i go to make dinner...
they say 'they are studying' but i, and alexa, study, work part-time jobs and do a lot of stuff and still clean after ourselves.
recently i've purchased a roomba(r) for my room and i let alexa use it.
we use it in the common areas only when we are at home so we can take it back to my room when it finishes. the r stays in my room. i've not given permission to anyone besides alexa to touch it.
last sunday i was cleaning after breakfast and since the kitchen floor looked like a dirty pub's floor.i put the r on. my phone notifies me when the r is done. i was starting to get suspicious because it was taking way too long.
i went downstairs and the r noise was coming from mark's room.
i open the door and find my r there.i was super mad because mark and i can't see each other. he's the piggest of them all and we don't even say hi to each other.
he knows it's mine and he doesn't have permission also it's expensive and his room is a mess and it can damage my r by letting it get caught in his dirty socks and stuff. so i stormed inside and i got my r. he started yelling at me to get out that i was violating his space. i told him if he ever again touches my stuff i'm going to do the same.
he called me crazy and said it was just a robot. i told him it was my robot and that for someone who doesn't give two fucks about cleaning it was funny he decided to grab it and bring it into his pigpen. brit came and told me i was over reacting.
i told them i'm sick of them and i'm talking to the landlord about how they treat the house and the common areas.
| 3,987 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/syjqdf/aita_for_storming_into_my_roommates_room/
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2022-02-22 09:51:02
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nta. protecting your property.
i suggest keeping your own personal plates, bowls and utensils in your room.
let their dishes get disgusting until they don’t have any to use. they can waste money on paper plates if they want. then just have the owner come see the trash tenants in full glory.
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nta.
privacy???
you want privacy mark? don’t fucking steal someone’s stuff then.
also please ew op you need new roomies, i have no idea how you’ve made it this far.
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nta
he stole from you. he knew it was yours. he didn’t care. any normal person would have had this extremely typical reaction.
call the landlord asap. you deserve better.
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nta. that may be considered theft.
have you signed a contract? look at its clauses. if it is possible to be removed from it, leave. or take alexa with you and look for something to rent together. it is not worth your patience over staying with those slobs.
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nta, he should've asked if he could use the roomba instead of just taking it
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nta, taking something without permission is theft, and you had every right to take your robot back
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nta he went into ur room when u bought it and decided:
well i dont have to hand vacuum now because op bought it and im allowed to use it without asking
like, seriously?? that dont make no sense
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nta
he can’t get huffy about you violating his space while he violated your property.
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you and alexa need to get your own apt and leave these slobs to wallow in their own garbage.
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info: did you leave your room unlocked or did he break into it? if its the latter then this is a more serious issue.
either way, nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we live in a house and we rent rooms. i (24f) share the house with alexa (23f), brit (21f), mark (21m) and paul (22m). last year, we had already troubles with brit (p,m&a are new this year). she's a mess and also her boyfriend, who stays over like 6 times a week. now mark and paul are two big pigs too and won't clean either. alexa and i have teamed and we share our own kitchen stuff. we have a key of each other's rooms. this has been an issue and after a lot of long talks we have given up. i'm not asking for a spotless house, i'm just asking for basic stuff to be done, like brooming onion rests of the floor, not leaving the counter full of pepper seeds and tomato, not leaving the things in the sink for over a week...having a plate available when i go to make dinner... they say 'they are studying' but i, and alexa, study, work part-time jobs and do a lot of stuff and still clean after ourselves. recently i've purchased a roomba(r) for my room and i let alexa use it. we use it in the common areas only when we are at home so we can take it back to my room when it finishes. the r stays in my room. i've not given permission to anyone besides alexa to touch it. last sunday i was cleaning after breakfast and since the kitchen floor looked like a dirty pub's floor.i put the r on. my phone notifies me when the r is done. i was starting to get suspicious because it was taking way too long. i went downstairs and the r noise was coming from mark's room. i open the door and find my r there.i was super mad because mark and i can't see each other. he's the piggest of them all and we don't even say hi to each other. he knows it's mine and he doesn't have permission also it's expensive and his room is a mess and it can damage my r by letting it get caught in his dirty socks and stuff. so i stormed inside and i got my r. he started yelling at me to get out that i was violating his space. i told him if he ever again touches my stuff i'm going to do the same. he called me crazy and said it was just a robot. i told him it was my robot and that for someone who doesn't give two fucks about cleaning it was funny he decided to grab it and bring it into his pigpen. brit came and told me i was over reacting. i told them i'm sick of them and i'm talking to the landlord about how they treat the house and the common areas.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we live in a house and we rent rooms. i (24f) share the house with alexa (23f), brit (21f), mark (21m) and paul (22m). last year, we had already troubles with brit (p,m&a are new this year). she's a mess and also her boyfriend, who stays over like 6 times a week. now mark and paul are two big pigs too and won't clean either. alexa and i have teamed and we share our own kitchen stuff. we have a key of each other's rooms. this has been an issue and after a lot of long talks we have given up. i'm not asking for a spotless house, i'm just asking for basic stuff to be done, like brooming onion rests of the floor, not leaving the counter full of pepper seeds and tomato, not leaving the things in the sink for over a week...having a plate available when i go to make dinner... they say 'they are studying' but i, and alexa, study, work part-time jobs and do a lot of stuff and still clean after ourselves. recently i've purchased a roomba(r) for my room and i let alexa use it. we use it in the common areas only when we are at home so we can take it back to my room when it finishes. the r stays in my room. i've not given permission to anyone besides alexa to touch it. last sunday i was cleaning after breakfast and since the kitchen floor looked like a dirty pub's floor.i put the r on. my phone notifies me when the r is done. i was starting to get suspicious because it was taking way too long. i went downstairs and the r noise was coming from mark's room. i open the door and find my r there.i was super mad because mark and i can't see each other. he's the piggest of them all and we don't even say hi to each other. he knows it's mine and he doesn't have permission also it's expensive and his room is a mess and it can damage my r by letting it get caught in his dirty socks and stuff. so i stormed inside and i got my r. he started yelling at me to get out that i was violating his space. i told him if he ever again touches my stuff i'm going to do the same. he called me crazy and said it was just a robot. i told him it was my robot and that for someone who doesn't give two fucks about cleaning it was funny he decided to grab it and bring it into his pigpen. brit came and told me i was over reacting. i told them i'm sick of them and i'm talking to the landlord about how they treat the house and the common areas. [/INST] nta. protecting your property. i suggest keeping your own personal plates, bowls and utensils in your room. let their dishes get disgusting until they don’t have any to use. they can waste money on paper plates if they want. then just have the owner come see the trash tenants in full glory. </s>
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AITA for telling people why I stopped seeing our friend?
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a few years ago, i (23f) survived an accident that took my arm, my eye, and mangled half my face. i know i wasn’t particularly pretty to begin with, but it left me feeling at my lowest.
what hurt is that my now ex friend “luka” (24ftm) asked me to cover up my scars and the stump because it made him “feel nauseous” looking at me.
that day i went home crying. if he couldn’t stand to see me like that, how could i? after that, i cut off ties with him. not once did he see me in the hospital or call me up to see how i was doing. and the one time he sees me after the incident, it’s to ask that i do something about my scars.
well, i wish i could say that was the last time. but every time since then, every time where in the same room he’s always commenting on my face and how i look terrible. no shit, sherlock.
lukas is having a party next weekend and i found out when our mutual asked if i was going. i told them that i wasnt because of what happened and how my face grosses him out now.
he just called me to yell at me for telling everyone about it. apparently several people we know got wind of what happened and decided not to attend. he thinks i’m making him out to be an asshole even though he wants celebrate his surgery.
i feel for him, but i can’t forget what he said. what he said still hurts. aita for telling friends why i don’t hang out with lukas anymore?
| 7,137 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uubyqz/aita_for_telling_people_why_i_stopped_seeing_our/
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2022-05-21 00:48:39
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nta
you told the truth about someone's shitty behavior. if they didn't want people judging them for behaving badly, they shouldn't act that way.
you didn't ask people not to attend his party. that's not on you.
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he is the biggest fucking asshole! accidents can happen to anyone, as a friend i would just be so thankful you survived!
let him be seen for what he is!
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nta. i’m so sorry you went through that. your not the asshole for telling the truth and he’s the asshole for being so cruel to you. although your outwardly appearance may have changed your still you and no one deserves to be called gross for something outside of their control. if your mutual friends are mad at him, good.
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nta. he’s reaping what he’s sown.
i’m hoping you’re in an active therapy program as well. i have a very good friend that was similarly injured in iraq and was in a very bad place for a long time. his wife and i finally managed to get him into a pretty intensive program and he’s still with us today - and in a much better headspace.
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nta, oh my god op. i'm so sorry for both your accident and your terrible "friend". good riddance.
i get that body mutilation can be a very frightening or jarring thing to look at or see. that's understandable. what's not understandable is telling your friend, who's went through something traumatic to cause that to happen, that they're disgusting or gross or anything even remotely close to that. **he showed his true colors by not even bothering to check on you. you can call someone every day and never see them.**
you didn't cause your real friends to do anything. you just told the truth, and they're sticking up for you.
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nta. i am also ftm and i understand how it feels to be seen as ugly and nauseating by others. luka has either lived a very very sheltered life and has no point of reference, or he is taking his own insecurities out on you, which is frankly gross. good on you for getting this dude out of your life, and good on your mutuals for refusing to see him now that they know he was being awful to you.
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the icing for me is that he's having a party to celebrate his surgery, expects support for that, but is utterly cruel to his friend who just had a horrific accident. this person is not a friend to anyone.
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nope, nta. everyone should shun that creep. block him.
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nta.
he thinks you're making him out to be an asshole because you aren't *covering* for the fact that he *is* an asshole, that's all. not your problem.
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nta you told one person and they wanted to let others know the truth about their "friend", and they did need to know. sorry he's a duck op
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: a few years ago, i (23f) survived an accident that took my arm, my eye, and mangled half my face. i know i wasn’t particularly pretty to begin with, but it left me feeling at my lowest. what hurt is that my now ex friend “luka” (24ftm) asked me to cover up my scars and the stump because it made him “feel nauseous” looking at me. that day i went home crying. if he couldn’t stand to see me like that, how could i? after that, i cut off ties with him. not once did he see me in the hospital or call me up to see how i was doing. and the one time he sees me after the incident, it’s to ask that i do something about my scars. well, i wish i could say that was the last time. but every time since then, every time where in the same room he’s always commenting on my face and how i look terrible. no shit, sherlock. lukas is having a party next weekend and i found out when our mutual asked if i was going. i told them that i wasnt because of what happened and how my face grosses him out now. he just called me to yell at me for telling everyone about it. apparently several people we know got wind of what happened and decided not to attend. he thinks i’m making him out to be an asshole even though he wants celebrate his surgery. i feel for him, but i can’t forget what he said. what he said still hurts. aita for telling friends why i don’t hang out with lukas anymore?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
a few years ago, i (23f) survived an accident that took my arm, my eye, and mangled half my face. i know i wasn’t particularly pretty to begin with, but it left me feeling at my lowest. what hurt is that my now ex friend “luka” (24ftm) asked me to cover up my scars and the stump because it made him “feel nauseous” looking at me. that day i went home crying. if he couldn’t stand to see me like that, how could i? after that, i cut off ties with him. not once did he see me in the hospital or call me up to see how i was doing. and the one time he sees me after the incident, it’s to ask that i do something about my scars. well, i wish i could say that was the last time. but every time since then, every time where in the same room he’s always commenting on my face and how i look terrible. no shit, sherlock. lukas is having a party next weekend and i found out when our mutual asked if i was going. i told them that i wasnt because of what happened and how my face grosses him out now. he just called me to yell at me for telling everyone about it. apparently several people we know got wind of what happened and decided not to attend. he thinks i’m making him out to be an asshole even though he wants celebrate his surgery. i feel for him, but i can’t forget what he said. what he said still hurts. aita for telling friends why i don’t hang out with lukas anymore? [/INST] nta you told the truth about someone's shitty behavior. if they didn't want people judging them for behaving badly, they shouldn't act that way. you didn't ask people not to attend his party. that's not on you. </s>
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AITA for saying “no” to my sister?
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so a few months ago i got engaged to my very best friend and boyfriend of six years. we’re thrilled and are in the middle of planning. my two sisters are in my wedding party. one of my sisters really enjoys being the center of attention and has been that way since we were little, which i’m fine with. however, when i booked my very first dress consultation at david’s bridal, she immediately asked if we could look at bridesmaid dresses during the same time-slot. now, i’ve always been eager to please and do not want to become a bridezilla, but i kind of felt that the dress appointment was my time, especially since it was the very first one. i ended up telling her “no” and that i’d be happy to look at bridesmaid dresses another time. she seemed hurt when i said this and so i felt bad.
so, reddit, am i the asshole?
| 162 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b77oyb/aita_for_saying_no_to_my_sister/
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2019-03-30 05:41:23
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nta- there's a time and place for everything. this is time for you to pick your special dress. then you can focus of the bridesmaids. i wouldn't do it together.
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nta - although tbf, i’m 16, i don’t know all the nuances of weddings. but it seems like it’s your event and you should be able to schedule things however you like no questions asked
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nta, this isn’t about her wants and needs. it’s about the celebration for you and your fiancé. if she doesn’t get it, that’s on her.
also, be weary of david’s bridal, they have been through multiple bankruptcies that leave brides without their money or a dress.
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nah
although your sister may be an attention hog, that doesn't mean that's what she was doing here. sounds like she assumed you would be doing both types of dresses on the same day, realized she was mistaken, and was disappointed. she's still your sister and may be looking forward to your wedding as much as you are.
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nta. you're fine in not letting her make it about herself. plan a fun day for the bridesmaid stuff but you're not obliged to share the wedding dress fitting day for that.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.002 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so a few months ago i got engaged to my very best friend and boyfriend of six years. we’re thrilled and are in the middle of planning. my two sisters are in my wedding party. one of my sisters really enjoys being the center of attention and has been that way since we were little, which i’m fine with. however, when i booked my very first dress consultation at david’s bridal, she immediately asked if we could look at bridesmaid dresses during the same time-slot. now, i’ve always been eager to please and do not want to become a bridezilla, but i kind of felt that the dress appointment was my time, especially since it was the very first one. i ended up telling her “no” and that i’d be happy to look at bridesmaid dresses another time. she seemed hurt when i said this and so i felt bad. so, reddit, am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so a few months ago i got engaged to my very best friend and boyfriend of six years. we’re thrilled and are in the middle of planning. my two sisters are in my wedding party. one of my sisters really enjoys being the center of attention and has been that way since we were little, which i’m fine with. however, when i booked my very first dress consultation at david’s bridal, she immediately asked if we could look at bridesmaid dresses during the same time-slot. now, i’ve always been eager to please and do not want to become a bridezilla, but i kind of felt that the dress appointment was my time, especially since it was the very first one. i ended up telling her “no” and that i’d be happy to look at bridesmaid dresses another time. she seemed hurt when i said this and so i felt bad. so, reddit, am i the asshole? [/INST] nta- there's a time and place for everything. this is time for you to pick your special dress. then you can focus of the bridesmaids. i wouldn't do it together. </s>
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AITA for not hiring my brother in law?
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i needed some amendments done around the house, and called in a professional company. my brother in law (older sister's husband) who's a contractor is pissed because i didn't call him, even though this is above his pay grade. now other family members on his side are vague-posting on facebook saying how some people don't know that you always have to take care of your family first and so on.
am i the asshole in this situation?
| 199 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j624vi/aita_for_not_hiring_my_brother_in_law/
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2020-10-06 09:38:02
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nta. realistically it's probably better not to use family in this situation. especially considering his reaction.
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nta
let's go with a hypothetical of he was fully equipped to handle the job. with this outlook expressed by his family what if something wasn't done right? oh it's not that bad, you're exaggerating, well he gave you this discount.
keeping things in a professional realm is sometimes the right way to go. with this "outcry" you made the right decision even if he could have handled it. it sounds like their entire motivation was that he deserved the money.
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nta. nepotism doesn't work, especially when the person is under-qualified for the job.
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nta, you can't fire family. only time he should be doing stuff around home remodeling for you is when you and him do it together and you buy pizza and beer, no money exchanged, otherwise it can and will get messy.
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nta he sounds like a little kid
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i needed some amendments done around the house, and called in a professional company. my brother in law (older sister's husband) who's a contractor is pissed because i didn't call him, even though this is above his pay grade. now other family members on his side are vague-posting on facebook saying how some people don't know that you always have to take care of your family first and so on. am i the asshole in this situation?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i needed some amendments done around the house, and called in a professional company. my brother in law (older sister's husband) who's a contractor is pissed because i didn't call him, even though this is above his pay grade. now other family members on his side are vague-posting on facebook saying how some people don't know that you always have to take care of your family first and so on. am i the asshole in this situation? [/INST] nta. realistically it's probably better not to use family in this situation. especially considering his reaction. </s>
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AITA for refusing to measure things when I cook?
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as you probably guessed from the title, i don’t measure things when i cook, i always just eyeball it. it’s worked out fine for me, i don’t ruin dishes and i never put too much seasoning or too little of any ingredient. if i’m cooking something for the first time i usually follow the recipe but after that i put my own spin on it . it’s always bothered my girlfriend and she makes a big deal out of it and idk why. i asked her specifically:
1) do you think i overuse or underuse the ingredients
2) do you think my food is good
she answered no and yes respectively, so i asked her to quit being bothered by it since she has no reason to. we are visiting her parents this weekend, i offered to make eggs this am. she was telling her parents how i don’t measure anything and she was like *he can’t keep getting away with it* (the walking dead reference lol) because no matter what i do my food’s still good. i put in some eggs into the bowl and some milk and she says you’re supposed to use 1 cup milk. i nodded my head and said understood, and carried on with what i was doing. she tried to hand me the measuring cup and i said i don’t need it, thanks though. she got frustrated and asked why the f*ck i won’t measure things. i said why does it matter? she just stuttered and said i’m making her look bad in front of her parents. wtf?
fwiw the eggs turned out great but she’s been moody with me all afternoon. so am i the asshole for this ?
| 1,986 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gpvqev/aita_for_refusing_to_measure_things_when_i_cook/
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2020-05-24 19:29:30
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nta - that's the difference between baking and cooking. cooking is eyeballing it, tasting it and adjusting to the right flavour. your girlfriend is a bit of a control freak and shouldn't obsess so much about it
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a whole cup of milk in eggs?! were you making eggs for an army? my goodness, i only add a splash! you're nta, and i kind of wonder if your gf has ocd. baking is really the only kind of cooking that requires measuring, but even that is flexible.
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nta. it’s just her preference to measure things. guessing there might be deeper control issues here because as you’ve stated, she agrees the good still tastes good. maybe try watching cooking shows together on tv so she can understand that in cooking you don’t have to follow measurements as strictly as when baking.
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i don’t understand how that would be embarrassing for her parents to see ??? nta
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nta i grew up learning how to cook by just eyeballing it/tasting. i had a roommate once who thought i was literally insane for not measuring and would get on my case about it even though we didnt share food. your gf needs to mind her business, and if she cant let it go then tell her to make her own food.
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nta. get ready though, the first time you make a bad meal(not criticizing, the best cooks make something bad every once in a while) she is going to come in with an “i told you so!”
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info: is she currently tracking calories or macros? or trying to?
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nta.
exact measurements are important in baking. in other types of cooking not so much. my feeling is that most experienced home cooks do it your way.
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nta. i’d lose my shit if my husband was up my ass like that when i cook. i can’t fathom why anyone would care, unless you were trying to recreate something very specific maybe. even then though, unless you’re baking it doesn’t usually matter all that much if you’re a little over or under on something. does she cook? it sounds like she has some weird idea that that there’s only one way to make things and if you do it ‘wrong’ you’ll accidentally make a poison or something.
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nta you measure ingredients with your heart and your ancestors tell you when to take it from the oven and if you were a grandma nobody would question you
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: as you probably guessed from the title, i don’t measure things when i cook, i always just eyeball it. it’s worked out fine for me, i don’t ruin dishes and i never put too much seasoning or too little of any ingredient. if i’m cooking something for the first time i usually follow the recipe but after that i put my own spin on it . it’s always bothered my girlfriend and she makes a big deal out of it and idk why. i asked her specifically: 1) do you think i overuse or underuse the ingredients 2) do you think my food is good she answered no and yes respectively, so i asked her to quit being bothered by it since she has no reason to. we are visiting her parents this weekend, i offered to make eggs this am. she was telling her parents how i don’t measure anything and she was like *he can’t keep getting away with it* (the walking dead reference lol) because no matter what i do my food’s still good. i put in some eggs into the bowl and some milk and she says you’re supposed to use 1 cup milk. i nodded my head and said understood, and carried on with what i was doing. she tried to hand me the measuring cup and i said i don’t need it, thanks though. she got frustrated and asked why the f*ck i won’t measure things. i said why does it matter? she just stuttered and said i’m making her look bad in front of her parents. wtf? fwiw the eggs turned out great but she’s been moody with me all afternoon. so am i the asshole for this ?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
as you probably guessed from the title, i don’t measure things when i cook, i always just eyeball it. it’s worked out fine for me, i don’t ruin dishes and i never put too much seasoning or too little of any ingredient. if i’m cooking something for the first time i usually follow the recipe but after that i put my own spin on it . it’s always bothered my girlfriend and she makes a big deal out of it and idk why. i asked her specifically: 1) do you think i overuse or underuse the ingredients 2) do you think my food is good she answered no and yes respectively, so i asked her to quit being bothered by it since she has no reason to. we are visiting her parents this weekend, i offered to make eggs this am. she was telling her parents how i don’t measure anything and she was like *he can’t keep getting away with it* (the walking dead reference lol) because no matter what i do my food’s still good. i put in some eggs into the bowl and some milk and she says you’re supposed to use 1 cup milk. i nodded my head and said understood, and carried on with what i was doing. she tried to hand me the measuring cup and i said i don’t need it, thanks though. she got frustrated and asked why the f*ck i won’t measure things. i said why does it matter? she just stuttered and said i’m making her look bad in front of her parents. wtf? fwiw the eggs turned out great but she’s been moody with me all afternoon. so am i the asshole for this ? [/INST] nta - that's the difference between baking and cooking. cooking is eyeballing it, tasting it and adjusting to the right flavour. your girlfriend is a bit of a control freak and shouldn't obsess so much about it </s>
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AITA for giving the cashier a death stare when he made a comment about my purchase?
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one day i went to rite aid to buy condoms and a morning after pill. there was a jovial black guy working there having a good time with his co-workers, making a lot of jokes.
it's always a little weird when you have to buy items like these, and there's always that elephant in the room when you go up to the register. i appreciate when cashiers don't make comments and keep it professional in these situations.
so anyway, i go up to the register to buy these items, and the jovial black guy says something like "well hello, looks like you'll be having a good time tonight!!"
he looks at me, i seem like a chill dude, and he expects me to laugh along with him. in the spur of the moment, i decided to give him a death stare and totally kill the mood for him.
i can tell that his failed attempt to make a joke really embarrassed him. he started to sulk and frown and stopped joking with his coworkers. then i thought to myself, damn it wasn't really that big a deal. i didn't want to ruin his mood or anything. in reality i wasn't as offended as my death stare let on. maybe a 2 out of 10 on the offended scale.
but then again, i don't want to live in a world where cashiers feel comfortable making comments about customers purchases.
so what's the verdict? am i the a****** for this?
| 174 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c0cfrb/aita_for_giving_the_cashier_a_death_stare_when_he/
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2019-06-13 22:35:09
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nta. such inappropriate behavior. your reaction was a completely predictable risk of making that joke. if he doesn't like it, there's an easy way to avoid it in the future.
although i'm a little curious why you felt the need to mention his race, which would seem to have zero to do with anything.
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nah, but why did you have to mention his race? am i missing something? lol
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nta i can't stand when cashiers comment on my purchases, even when they're not stereotypical "embarrassing" ones.
i once had a cashier go on this long rant about how he doesn't eat the thing i was buying anymore because it's so bad for you and he's literally gotten to the point that even the smell of it makes him vomit. i just stared at him.
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yta - why does it matter if he is black? does pointing that out make a y difference to the story?
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yta and this story sounds fake, the death stare, really, and why does him being black have anything to do with it
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yta you could tell there was no malice and he was trying to be friendly, you kinda over reacted
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esh or yta...you suck for making someone who is trying to be nice and have a good time with their work feel bad...and cashier dude is kinda a dick for broadcasting your business if he said it loudly. if he said it so just you two could hear it...i don't see why you're offended.
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shitpost. dude is trolling, hence the comments about race and making another aita from this post.
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yta
* no reason to react so harshly to what didn't even really offend you. seems like you're just playing the victim for no reason.
* depending where it was, sometimes companies have a friendliness policy of sorts.
* i'd much rather live in a world where the cashiers are friendly than where they have grumpy rbfs at the checkout. seems that would brighten people's day more and produce positive change (but i know this one is more opinion).
* genuine question, but were there not automated checkouts where you went?
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yta - he’s trying to be nice and lighthearted and make conversation. you’re just trying to be a dick.
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| 0.377705 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: one day i went to rite aid to buy condoms and a morning after pill. there was a jovial black guy working there having a good time with his co-workers, making a lot of jokes. it's always a little weird when you have to buy items like these, and there's always that elephant in the room when you go up to the register. i appreciate when cashiers don't make comments and keep it professional in these situations. so anyway, i go up to the register to buy these items, and the jovial black guy says something like "well hello, looks like you'll be having a good time tonight!!" he looks at me, i seem like a chill dude, and he expects me to laugh along with him. in the spur of the moment, i decided to give him a death stare and totally kill the mood for him. i can tell that his failed attempt to make a joke really embarrassed him. he started to sulk and frown and stopped joking with his coworkers. then i thought to myself, damn it wasn't really that big a deal. i didn't want to ruin his mood or anything. in reality i wasn't as offended as my death stare let on. maybe a 2 out of 10 on the offended scale. but then again, i don't want to live in a world where cashiers feel comfortable making comments about customers purchases. so what's the verdict? am i the a****** for this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
one day i went to rite aid to buy condoms and a morning after pill. there was a jovial black guy working there having a good time with his co-workers, making a lot of jokes. it's always a little weird when you have to buy items like these, and there's always that elephant in the room when you go up to the register. i appreciate when cashiers don't make comments and keep it professional in these situations. so anyway, i go up to the register to buy these items, and the jovial black guy says something like "well hello, looks like you'll be having a good time tonight!!" he looks at me, i seem like a chill dude, and he expects me to laugh along with him. in the spur of the moment, i decided to give him a death stare and totally kill the mood for him. i can tell that his failed attempt to make a joke really embarrassed him. he started to sulk and frown and stopped joking with his coworkers. then i thought to myself, damn it wasn't really that big a deal. i didn't want to ruin his mood or anything. in reality i wasn't as offended as my death stare let on. maybe a 2 out of 10 on the offended scale. but then again, i don't want to live in a world where cashiers feel comfortable making comments about customers purchases. so what's the verdict? am i the a****** for this? [/INST] nta. such inappropriate behavior. your reaction was a completely predictable risk of making that joke. if he doesn't like it, there's an easy way to avoid it in the future. although i'm a little curious why you felt the need to mention his race, which would seem to have zero to do with anything. </s>
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AITA for refusing to load a lady’s groceries into her car?
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i work in a grocery store and i am the closing manager. we have this one customer, who we call 10:59. we call her that because she won’t come to checkout until we announce that we’re closed at 11, occasionally walking past the checkout after we make the announcement exclaiming “i just need one more thing!”
she then takes a long time to get through checkout. typically i will unlock the door for her to leave at 11:10 ish.
she has asked me to help her out to her car once before. i did it, begrudgingly, and i informed her that the people who’s job it is to provide carry out service leave at 10 and she needs to come earlier if she wants help out.
so, when she asked me to help her out last night, i said “there isn’t anyone here to give you help out.” at that point i was supposed to be off 7 minutes before, and i was already gonna get an earful for having overtime because of her.
i didn’t want to reward her behavior when i had already told her she needed to come earlier if she wants help out to her car.
i mentioned to the closing manager for the front end that that happened, and she said “it’s customer service, how do you still have a job?” so, aita?
| 2,164 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cwvmf1/aita_for_refusing_to_load_a_ladys_groceries_into/
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2019-08-29 03:50:08
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nta but your bosses may not agree so if they say "take care of her" then you have to do so, but i know you may get contradictory instructions "help her"/"don't go past 11"
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nta. i hate hate hate last minute customers.
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nta. it kind of pisses me off that you guys often end up as the butt of all jokes, when in actuality, you guys are working in a place where everyone has to go to to buy the very supplies that's keeping them alive.
you told her what you needed to say in a respectful manner. she's clearly in the wrong here.
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nta want service? come when it's provided.
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nta, everyone who's saying it's your job? its not.. and the person who's job it is leaves at 10. you're not required to do more than that especially if she is already making you late!
and to everyone who's saying you dont know her circumstances.. that's true but still not your problem. if she can't shop till late go to a 24 hr walmart or go on your off day.... orrrrr load your own groceries into your car
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loading groceries into the car isn’t a necessary service, literally no one does it in australia. hell, aldi doesn’t even bag your things for you. and guaranteed 10.59 wasn’t going to tip. nta
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nta. she is wasting everyone's time and energy, and has been told what's wrong with what she's doing. deeefffinatlyy her fault.
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> “it’s customer service, how do you still have a job?”
because it's called customer service, not slave labor.
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nta - you helped before and told her the rules and she blatantly didn’t listen. speaking as a former customer service employee, at some point taking advantage of how respectful we’re supposed to be crosses a line. also, you shouldn’t need to take the heat from your boss because of her causing you to work overtime. put yourself first.
however, is there anything that prevents her from doing it herself? that would be a reason to do it anyways, but again, she knew the rules.
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nta
but next time maybe counter with it's against store policy to assist at customer vehicles at store closing due to employee safety concerns. then reiterate the assistance for loading cars ends at ten. polite and plausible.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i work in a grocery store and i am the closing manager. we have this one customer, who we call 10:59. we call her that because she won’t come to checkout until we announce that we’re closed at 11, occasionally walking past the checkout after we make the announcement exclaiming “i just need one more thing!” she then takes a long time to get through checkout. typically i will unlock the door for her to leave at 11:10 ish. she has asked me to help her out to her car once before. i did it, begrudgingly, and i informed her that the people who’s job it is to provide carry out service leave at 10 and she needs to come earlier if she wants help out. so, when she asked me to help her out last night, i said “there isn’t anyone here to give you help out.” at that point i was supposed to be off 7 minutes before, and i was already gonna get an earful for having overtime because of her. i didn’t want to reward her behavior when i had already told her she needed to come earlier if she wants help out to her car. i mentioned to the closing manager for the front end that that happened, and she said “it’s customer service, how do you still have a job?” so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i work in a grocery store and i am the closing manager. we have this one customer, who we call 10:59. we call her that because she won’t come to checkout until we announce that we’re closed at 11, occasionally walking past the checkout after we make the announcement exclaiming “i just need one more thing!” she then takes a long time to get through checkout. typically i will unlock the door for her to leave at 11:10 ish. she has asked me to help her out to her car once before. i did it, begrudgingly, and i informed her that the people who’s job it is to provide carry out service leave at 10 and she needs to come earlier if she wants help out. so, when she asked me to help her out last night, i said “there isn’t anyone here to give you help out.” at that point i was supposed to be off 7 minutes before, and i was already gonna get an earful for having overtime because of her. i didn’t want to reward her behavior when i had already told her she needed to come earlier if she wants help out to her car. i mentioned to the closing manager for the front end that that happened, and she said “it’s customer service, how do you still have a job?” so, aita? [/INST] nta but your bosses may not agree so if they say "take care of her" then you have to do so, but i know you may get contradictory instructions "help her"/"don't go past 11" </s>
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AITA for denying my co-worker’s request to take every Monday off all summer long?
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(edit; since many have asked, i’m asking about this on behalf of a friend. i’m neither the protagonist nor antagonist in this tale. rip inbox.)
a guy who reports to me scheduled 14 consecutive mondays off as pto. (personal time off.)
i’m not sure why he thinks that’s okay.
so all summer you will have 3-day weekends?
no, sir.
am i tripping?
| 1,211 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b6yla2/aita_for_denying_my_coworkers_request_to_take/
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2019-03-29 15:21:39
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yta. unless you can give me a good reason why this is a problem. if he has the time he’s earned the right to use it as he sees fit. he can’t have 3 day weekends just cause you dislike it?
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yta - if he has 14 days of pto accumulated you just sound bitter he will have 3 day weekends and you won't.
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yta - you seem like you're denying his request out of spite rather than a good reason.
is this going to affect workflow? does he have that time saved up? has he shown any sign of not being a worker that should be treated with respect?
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everybody knows pto is only offered to get you hired. you're not actually supposed to *use* it, and absolutely never use it in a way that makes sense to you! it's all about the business. work first, life second: true work-life balance.
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yta - how is this worse than any other way of spending nearly 3 weeks vacation?
would you you not also say
* "so, in july, you get to take the vast majority of the month off? no, sir."
* "so each month of the summer, you get take the first week off? no, sir."
if anything, doesn't his plan minimize disruption? like, isn't having someone there 80% of the time consistently less disruptive than them taking a huge chunk of time off at once?
&#x200b;
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info - does the guy have 14+ days of pto available to him?
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yta unless there's a valid reason to deny it. so info.
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yta unless your company has a specific policy against this kind of scheduling or unless there's some kind of mitigating circumstance that you haven't told us about yet that doesn't make the scheduling possible.
your personal preferences are not your job.
doing your job is your job.
do your job and stop taking it out on your coworkers.
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info: is there a reason why this is a problem (eg it means you’re short-staffed or that others can’t take their pto or it goes against some policy or something) or are you just being vindictive?
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yta. if he has the pto available, then how is this any different from him taking a week's vacation in july and another week in august? he let you know ahead of time and he isn't just calling in sick every monday.
unless there's something unique about mondays (specific task/meeting/etc that everyone has to do and everyone hates) that he's avoiding, why would this make him an ah?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
| 0.02053 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: (edit; since many have asked, i’m asking about this on behalf of a friend. i’m neither the protagonist nor antagonist in this tale. rip inbox.) a guy who reports to me scheduled 14 consecutive mondays off as pto. (personal time off.) i’m not sure why he thinks that’s okay. so all summer you will have 3-day weekends? no, sir. am i tripping?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
(edit; since many have asked, i’m asking about this on behalf of a friend. i’m neither the protagonist nor antagonist in this tale. rip inbox.) a guy who reports to me scheduled 14 consecutive mondays off as pto. (personal time off.) i’m not sure why he thinks that’s okay. so all summer you will have 3-day weekends? no, sir. am i tripping? [/INST] yta. unless you can give me a good reason why this is a problem. if he has the time he’s earned the right to use it as he sees fit. he can’t have 3 day weekends just cause you dislike it? </s>
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AITA for reacting "wrongly" to my mother coming out as gay to me?
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i know the title sounds bad but i just want everyone to know i am not homophobic, i support the lgbtq & always will be supportive & loving to anyone.
lets just get straight to it.
so my mother 50f said she wanted me to meet her "friend" randomly whilst i was supposed to be at hers for takeaway at her house. i 20m felt something off when she said "friend" because she knows i struggle with severe anxiety and can't handle meeting new people very well so i don't go out much & prefer to be on my own since i'm very introverted.
anyways, her "friend" comes over and my mother introduces her as her girlfriend. i don't really know why i got so mad because i don't really deal with emotions very well, let alone know what emotions i feel because i can't recognise a lot of emotions by how i feel or by the looks on people's faces.
the thing to know is, my parents got divorced when i was 13 and it really did affect me alot very negatively. however, the main reason why i was so mad to start with is because when i asked her how long she knew she was gay, she admitted to knowing since before she met my father but didn't have the confidence to come out then.
so i said, "so you wasted years of my father's life and used him for a child & money from your divorce?" her and her girlfriend looked shocked and there was an awkward silence so i left but not without telling my mother i hope she was happy that she used a man to get what she wanted in life whilst sitting on her ass and not being a good enough mother to begin with. i also mentioned that no matter how many times she apologises for the pain she caused me & my father, that i'll never be happy for her because in my opinion she doesn't deserve any happiness at all & mentioned that i absolutely will never, ever be around her girlfriend no matter what.
my "mother" seems to think i reacted "wrongly" to her coming out & i know i might of hurt her feelings and that's why i might be the asshole but aita?
| 530 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/slpgdu/aita_for_reacting_wrongly_to_my_mother_coming_out/
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2022-02-06 06:03:32
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yta and i am floored you have to ask.
- your severe anxiety is your issue. handle it like an adult and stop making other people curtail their lives to suit you.
- early 2000’s/late 1990’s was not an idyllic paradise for gay people, especially gay women. i am sure your mom was extremely scared of being outed and maybe had some conflicting feelings because she was attracted to your dad and also women. sexuality isn’t concrete for anyone.
- you absolutely need some therapy if you are so wound up by your parents divorce that the idea of your mother moving on and being her true self and happy with someone else makes you that angry. go get some help.
- apologize to your mother and her girlfriend.
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yta, fucking hell. your mother is 50? when she was young it was literally illegal to be gay. she pretty much had to marry a man to make it in life. you mentioned you “don’t really know why you got so mad”, it could still very likely be deeply internalized homophobia. yes, divorces are shitty, but that was 7 years ago. you’re a grown ass adult now, time to start acting like it.
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op, can i give you some perspective? i'm a woman, married to a man. i identify as bisexual, but i definitely prefer women. i'm head over heels in love with my husband and very attracted to him. i just never saw myself marrying a man.
sexuality is fluid and can shift over time. to say that your mom didn't ever feel anything for your dad may be untrue, and if you're curious, i'd suggest flat out asking her. your mom came up before gay marriage was legal in the us, when lesbians could legally be denied jobs for their sexuality, and had no legal recognition for their partner of 20 years, let alone the social climate. imagine that kind of pressure, combined with her probably having warm feelings towards your dad.
read the decision to obergefell v. hodges, and think about how your parents were 40 years old when gay people getting married became an option.
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yta.
you have no idea what it's like to come out, especially before this century. it was basically illegal in some places. gay people were abused, murdered, assaulted, refused jobs, refused healthcare, refused mortgages and loans.
like, dude, you won asshole of the day here.
you exploded on a person who loves you because you refused to take the time to understand her position.
and now you're coming here for validation and you aren't going to get much, because how you reacted was **wrong**.
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[deleted]
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going against the grain. nta. she sprung a huge piece of news on you without warning. telling someone something so life changing and expecting them to just accept everything as fine is presumptuous. she needed to sit you down and talk about this long before she had you meet her girlfriend. you seem to have a good deal of anger towards her divorcing your dad. perhaps counseling would help.
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she didn't do it well. should have told you in advance so you could be prepared. but she is living her truth now. while coming out as gay now is usually alot easier, that was over 20years ago. think about if she felt safe back then to come out? maybe she found your dad and he was a nice person and she figured she could make it work. it didn't work, and i don't know why, but maybe being gay was the main reason. yta for lashing out. you are allowed to feel pain but take time to understand and process.
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it honestly doesn't sound like this was about her being gay. it looks like you have major issues entirely separate from this you need to handle and projected them onto her coming out. basically blaming her gayness for all the other issues you have with her. esh
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esh - your mom handled it poorly and should have lowered you into the idea more gently, having said that your response was uncalled for, you need to sit down so she can explain herself and you need to be ready to listen
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as someone who's parents went through a very toxic and nasty divorce when i was 11, i completely understand how resentment for the parent responsible can fester over time. to this day i'm still a bit bitter towards my father for how absolutely shitty he acted at the time, but i would never go as far as to say that he never deserves happiness. parents are people, and people are flawed and make stupid choices sometimes. your mom sounds like she's had to hide a very important part of herself for a very long time, and people got hurt because of her fear. she definitely shouldn't have sprung that revelation on you so suddenly, and you have some valid feelings, but that doesn't mean she deserves to be treated like that.
esh. please get some therapy, i think it would help you.
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
NTA
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
| 0.12141 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i know the title sounds bad but i just want everyone to know i am not homophobic, i support the lgbtq & always will be supportive & loving to anyone. lets just get straight to it. so my mother 50f said she wanted me to meet her "friend" randomly whilst i was supposed to be at hers for takeaway at her house. i 20m felt something off when she said "friend" because she knows i struggle with severe anxiety and can't handle meeting new people very well so i don't go out much & prefer to be on my own since i'm very introverted. anyways, her "friend" comes over and my mother introduces her as her girlfriend. i don't really know why i got so mad because i don't really deal with emotions very well, let alone know what emotions i feel because i can't recognise a lot of emotions by how i feel or by the looks on people's faces. the thing to know is, my parents got divorced when i was 13 and it really did affect me alot very negatively. however, the main reason why i was so mad to start with is because when i asked her how long she knew she was gay, she admitted to knowing since before she met my father but didn't have the confidence to come out then. so i said, "so you wasted years of my father's life and used him for a child & money from your divorce?" her and her girlfriend looked shocked and there was an awkward silence so i left but not without telling my mother i hope she was happy that she used a man to get what she wanted in life whilst sitting on her ass and not being a good enough mother to begin with. i also mentioned that no matter how many times she apologises for the pain she caused me & my father, that i'll never be happy for her because in my opinion she doesn't deserve any happiness at all & mentioned that i absolutely will never, ever be around her girlfriend no matter what. my "mother" seems to think i reacted "wrongly" to her coming out & i know i might of hurt her feelings and that's why i might be the asshole but aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i know the title sounds bad but i just want everyone to know i am not homophobic, i support the lgbtq & always will be supportive & loving to anyone. lets just get straight to it. so my mother 50f said she wanted me to meet her "friend" randomly whilst i was supposed to be at hers for takeaway at her house. i 20m felt something off when she said "friend" because she knows i struggle with severe anxiety and can't handle meeting new people very well so i don't go out much & prefer to be on my own since i'm very introverted. anyways, her "friend" comes over and my mother introduces her as her girlfriend. i don't really know why i got so mad because i don't really deal with emotions very well, let alone know what emotions i feel because i can't recognise a lot of emotions by how i feel or by the looks on people's faces. the thing to know is, my parents got divorced when i was 13 and it really did affect me alot very negatively. however, the main reason why i was so mad to start with is because when i asked her how long she knew she was gay, she admitted to knowing since before she met my father but didn't have the confidence to come out then. so i said, "so you wasted years of my father's life and used him for a child & money from your divorce?" her and her girlfriend looked shocked and there was an awkward silence so i left but not without telling my mother i hope she was happy that she used a man to get what she wanted in life whilst sitting on her ass and not being a good enough mother to begin with. i also mentioned that no matter how many times she apologises for the pain she caused me & my father, that i'll never be happy for her because in my opinion she doesn't deserve any happiness at all & mentioned that i absolutely will never, ever be around her girlfriend no matter what. my "mother" seems to think i reacted "wrongly" to her coming out & i know i might of hurt her feelings and that's why i might be the asshole but aita? [/INST] yta and i am floored you have to ask. - your severe anxiety is your issue. handle it like an adult and stop making other people curtail their lives to suit you. - early 2000’s/late 1990’s was not an idyllic paradise for gay people, especially gay women. i am sure your mom was extremely scared of being outed and maybe had some conflicting feelings because she was attracted to your dad and also women. sexuality isn’t concrete for anyone. - you absolutely need some therapy if you are so wound up by your parents divorce that the idea of your mother moving on and being her true self and happy with someone else makes you that angry. go get some help. - apologize to your mother and her girlfriend. </s>
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AITA for not liking a homeless man sleeping on my couch?
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so, this is fairly straightforward. me (f35) and my fiancé (m38) have a house we live in with his mom (f65). we’re good friends with a neighbor (f37) and recently she asked if we could set up a homeless man she is friends with in our backyard in his tent. we said yes to this, because we have the space.
the plan was for us to meet on thanksgiving, get to know him, and then see if we were okay with him outback.
then last night, she called and asked us if we could help move his stuff because it was storming here and his camp got a bit messed up. we planned to set up his tent, but it got cold fast and dark faster, we set him up on the couch for the night. then the neighbor left and left him behind at our house all day.
we don’t know this man. we have never met him. she left him here and has no current plans to get him out. my fiancé feels bad about wanting to put him out in the tent when we’re in side.
so. aita for wanting this man off of my couch and wanting to put him back in a tent outside?
| 205 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jvaasg/aita_for_not_liking_a_homeless_man_sleeping_on_my/
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2020-11-16 16:58:35
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nta - as bad as it feels to make him leave, i think it's the wise thing to do if you don't feel comfortable with the situation. you essentially have a stranger in your home, and you didn't agree to this.
i am really curious as to why your neighbour has come up with this plan at all, and why you agreed to go along with it? to be honest having a stranger in your yard doesn't sound much better. why can't she help him herself?
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nta but why the heck would you agree for a homeless man to live in your back yard? it’s a terrible idea. where would he use the bathroom or shower. there are shelters for people in this situation. if you want to help him, donate your time tracking down resources to deal with the situation, it will be much more help than donating your back yard.
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nta. why on earth you agreed to this in the first place is beyond me. whose house are you actually living in, btw? does it belong to your fiance's mother or do you own it?
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nta there is no easy way around this, you can only refuse by clearly saying *no*. you can be nice and still say “no i am not agreeing to that”. if your neighbour wants to help get her to drive him to a shelter. a homeless man is sleeping on your couch because you can’t say no?? if a random homeless person appeared at your front door and asked to sleep on your couch would you have agreed? why does your relationship with your neighbour override your natural and reasonable reluctance to accept a homeless stranger into your house?
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nta. look up shelters near you and tell him you're giving this guy and his stuff a ride to there. the offer you agreed to was the backyard for a few nights, but the weather is too dangerous. the couch was one night.
you don't know him, so it's a bad idea to leave him on your territory. if he does something, you're liable. even worse, if you keep him in the house, he's a tenant in some time. why can't he live in your neighbour's backyard/ on her couch, btw?
she can help him, you don't have to be an option for the next round. this is her circus, get out of there.
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nta; what’s wrong with the neighbours couch?
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nta - you don’t know him or have any obligations to care for him. your neighbour is a d*ck. i’d get the man to go stay round hers seeing as it’s more her problem and not yours.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, this is fairly straightforward. me (f35) and my fiancé (m38) have a house we live in with his mom (f65). we’re good friends with a neighbor (f37) and recently she asked if we could set up a homeless man she is friends with in our backyard in his tent. we said yes to this, because we have the space. the plan was for us to meet on thanksgiving, get to know him, and then see if we were okay with him outback. then last night, she called and asked us if we could help move his stuff because it was storming here and his camp got a bit messed up. we planned to set up his tent, but it got cold fast and dark faster, we set him up on the couch for the night. then the neighbor left and left him behind at our house all day. we don’t know this man. we have never met him. she left him here and has no current plans to get him out. my fiancé feels bad about wanting to put him out in the tent when we’re in side. so. aita for wanting this man off of my couch and wanting to put him back in a tent outside?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so, this is fairly straightforward. me (f35) and my fiancé (m38) have a house we live in with his mom (f65). we’re good friends with a neighbor (f37) and recently she asked if we could set up a homeless man she is friends with in our backyard in his tent. we said yes to this, because we have the space. the plan was for us to meet on thanksgiving, get to know him, and then see if we were okay with him outback. then last night, she called and asked us if we could help move his stuff because it was storming here and his camp got a bit messed up. we planned to set up his tent, but it got cold fast and dark faster, we set him up on the couch for the night. then the neighbor left and left him behind at our house all day. we don’t know this man. we have never met him. she left him here and has no current plans to get him out. my fiancé feels bad about wanting to put him out in the tent when we’re in side. so. aita for wanting this man off of my couch and wanting to put him back in a tent outside? [/INST] nta - as bad as it feels to make him leave, i think it's the wise thing to do if you don't feel comfortable with the situation. you essentially have a stranger in your home, and you didn't agree to this. i am really curious as to why your neighbour has come up with this plan at all, and why you agreed to go along with it? to be honest having a stranger in your yard doesn't sound much better. why can't she help him herself? </s>
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AITA for not asking my ex-wifes opinion before I demolished the cottage and sold the land she inherited?
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me (31m) and my ex wife (36f) finalised our divorce 3 years ago and she got to keep my apartment in barcelona. i got a decent payout (since it’s barcelona real estate) and the 2 acres of land she had inherited near the pyrenees, france.
*let us be clear: i did not win that fight. even with land sale and the payout combined, the apartment is still worth well more than triple that sum.*
i had a job on the coast where i lived the last 4 years. my ex continued to “squat” the cottage for her holidays and getaways even though she knew i hated it, but i wasn’t living there so the cops weren’t gonna be useful.
my fiancée and i were sick of living in town, we’d been talking about moving into forest isolation for ages and the lockdown was the last straw. i told my ex i was moving to the cottage, to collect what she had left behind and say her final goodbyes.
the cottage wasn’t suited to my fiancées needs, and we needed more land to grow and build everything we wanted. so we found a bigger plot, and i sold mine to pay for it. the buyer offered more than asking price but he wanted no infrastructure on it. easy money i demolished and removed everything asap. (
| 1,695 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jdpfj8/aita_for_not_asking_my_exwifes_opinion_before_i/
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2020-10-18 22:08:29
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nta
>now she no longer had her safe place in france should spain get progressively more unstable like it’s currently evolving.
no she lost that when the divorce was finalised. just becsue she continued to stay there when she had no legal right dosent change the fact it was your land and your cottage, to do with as you wish.
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i gotta go nta. you already said it - if this land was that important to her, why didn’t she fight for it in the settlement?
once the divorce was final, it was yours. i feel for her, but it seems she made poor choices during the divorce, which isn’t your fault (unless there’s more to the story).
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sounds like the divorce settlements were a mess. you didn't owe her anything. that said, her being sad about losing something important to her doesn't make her an asshole. unless she harasses you or something, nah.
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nta, and i disagree with you when you say you should have told her you sold it. it's your property, what you do with it is none of her business.
would she tell you if she sold the property she got in the settlement?
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nta
she's almost acting like she got to keep everything in the divorce. she'll be fine.
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nta but wtf is with your countries laws? how did she get your inheritance and you get hers in the divorce? where i am from those are protected assets aside from the marital assets. also i would of done the same thing. she didn't deserve it. she gave it up and used it without your permission numerous times. if she cared that much about it then she should of fought for it in the divorce. i would not have sold it to her out of spite or only for an astronomical mark up.
second part, why the hell are you still talking to your ex wife? if you have children (which is the only reason you should still be talking to this woman) then you should redirect or hang up if she starts to discuss anything not related to the children.
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nta ... it sounds like you spend way to much time talking to and listening to your ex. is it because of kids or do you have a problem with boundaries like leti g he get away with staying there?
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nta - she screwed you in the divorce. she not only got the apartment but also the benefit of the cottage. her belief that she could use it indefinitely and have the apartment felt the cold stiff hand of reality across her face.
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nta - if she wanted it that badly, she should have taken it instead of the barcelona apartment, but she didn't. she relinquished her ownership of that property and, consequently, no longer had a say in what happened to it. how sad, too bad...
she was also very, very nervy in still using the cottage when it no longer belonged to her. i think in your shoes i would have done the same as you and just removed it and the land from my life entirely so i wouldn't have to deal with my ex and her entitled nature.
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nta. my mother did not consult my father when she sold the house years after the divorce. he had no say in that, only what happened to his kids. you were very nice to not change the locks and to let her stay there. cut contact and move on. build a beautiful place for your new to be wife.
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me (31m) and my ex wife (36f) finalised our divorce 3 years ago and she got to keep my apartment in barcelona. i got a decent payout (since it’s barcelona real estate) and the 2 acres of land she had inherited near the pyrenees, france. *let us be clear: i did not win that fight. even with land sale and the payout combined, the apartment is still worth well more than triple that sum.* i had a job on the coast where i lived the last 4 years. my ex continued to “squat” the cottage for her holidays and getaways even though she knew i hated it, but i wasn’t living there so the cops weren’t gonna be useful. my fiancée and i were sick of living in town, we’d been talking about moving into forest isolation for ages and the lockdown was the last straw. i told my ex i was moving to the cottage, to collect what she had left behind and say her final goodbyes. the cottage wasn’t suited to my fiancées needs, and we needed more land to grow and build everything we wanted. so we found a bigger plot, and i sold mine to pay for it. the buyer offered more than asking price but he wanted no infrastructure on it. easy money i demolished and removed everything asap. (
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me (31m) and my ex wife (36f) finalised our divorce 3 years ago and she got to keep my apartment in barcelona. i got a decent payout (since it’s barcelona real estate) and the 2 acres of land she had inherited near the pyrenees, france. *let us be clear: i did not win that fight. even with land sale and the payout combined, the apartment is still worth well more than triple that sum.* i had a job on the coast where i lived the last 4 years. my ex continued to “squat” the cottage for her holidays and getaways even though she knew i hated it, but i wasn’t living there so the cops weren’t gonna be useful. my fiancée and i were sick of living in town, we’d been talking about moving into forest isolation for ages and the lockdown was the last straw. i told my ex i was moving to the cottage, to collect what she had left behind and say her final goodbyes. the cottage wasn’t suited to my fiancées needs, and we needed more land to grow and build everything we wanted. so we found a bigger plot, and i sold mine to pay for it. the buyer offered more than asking price but he wanted no infrastructure on it. easy money i demolished and removed everything asap. ( [/INST] nta >now she no longer had her safe place in france should spain get progressively more unstable like it’s currently evolving. no she lost that when the divorce was finalised. just becsue she continued to stay there when she had no legal right dosent change the fact it was your land and your cottage, to do with as you wish. </s>
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AITA for not comforting my wife enough when she has nightmares?
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i’ve been married to my wife for about two years. known her for about six years.
i work long hours and never get any sleep.
i do night-shifts and i don’t get sleep in the day time because her nephews & nieces are loud.
her family has moved in with us. for the past two weeks, she’s been having nightmares. she usually just sits with me while i’m sleeping and then goes to her mother.
yesterday, i was only able to get two hours of sleep. when i was sleeping, my wife came sobbing because she had a bad dream.
i had asked her what happened and she wouldn’t tell what the dream was about.
she wouldn’t tell me so i told her, i love her and to go back to her mother. she said no and just layed in bed. she then woke me up again.
i asked her what was wrong and she then blew up at me. she yelled at me, telling me that i was useless as a husband. i asked her, how she wanted me to comfort her and she told me to stay awake with her. i told her that i don’t have the energy for that and went back to sleep.
i don’t know how to comfort people because i didn’t grow up in a nice household but i try my best.
aita? i went to work today and i came home, now she’s ignoring me.
| 994 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kv1kew/aita_for_not_comforting_my_wife_enough_when_she/
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2021-01-11 12:18:40
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nta - you need to talk to her about your needs as well as hers. you can't survive on 2 hours - this will kill you fairly quickly.
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ok... you really should do something about this very poor sleeping schedule you have! sleep deprivation can lead to a lot of health issues in the long run!
in fact, considering how poor your sleep is, i am surprised you were not the one latching out here. >.>
something definitely should be done about your wife suffering constant nightmares, definitely! and also some talk needs to be had here... she called you useless for working so much that you cant sleep, it shows your schedules are hurting your marriage it seems.
overall i would wager on nta, and the symptoms of a unhappy family are already showing... something should be done about this, since it will probably be a downhill spiral if ignored :(
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this is very abnormal, i suspect this family staying over is past of some dark shit. i'd get them out and your wife into therapy before it's too late, nta.
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nta. and you can't function on two hours sleep. seriously, you need to reevaluate the whole sleep/work/household/life situation. and don't operate heavy machinery.
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nta, she's being insensitive to the fact of you not getting much sleep. and i'd bet money that she'd say the sleep issue is your problem, to which she's not willing to meet you halfway. sleep is very important, because (*knocks on wood*) people do die from exhaustion, and i have to question if she'd even acknowledge that she contributed to your demise if something bad happened (*knocks really hard on wood*)
tbh, this was part of why i broke up with an ex. she didn't respect the boundaries of me sleeping and would get upset when i'd be cranky despite her always waking me up. it's a respect/boundary issue that may not get better unless you deal with this head on. if she can't see the issue, you definitely have a bigger problem on your hands.
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my opinion is nta. i work nights and know how rough that is physically and mentally. its rough on a relationship and social life.
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i often have nightmares, never ever woke up my boyfriend because of it... i stay up all night or cry myself back to bed if it's really bad, and talk about it in the morning but as an adult waking up someone (especially someone you know sleeps a little only) is just insane... nta
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i understand with what your wife wants makes total sense. the problem is that she doesn’t tells you what is wrong. she wants you to stay awake but why, if she doesn’t tell you, you can’t help her
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nta. nightmares can be very frightening. but that doesn't excuse her lashing out at you.
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info: are you the main contributer in your household? does anyone else work long hours on little sleep? it seems like you're at the bottom of the pecking order. the kids should be kept quiet during the day, they are living there by the grace of you and your wife. on the limited information you've provided i say nta and it's time to call a meeting of all the adults and set some ground rules. or leave them to it, get yourself a short term let for a few weeks and catch up on some sleep before you lose your sanity.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’ve been married to my wife for about two years. known her for about six years. i work long hours and never get any sleep. i do night-shifts and i don’t get sleep in the day time because her nephews & nieces are loud. her family has moved in with us. for the past two weeks, she’s been having nightmares. she usually just sits with me while i’m sleeping and then goes to her mother. yesterday, i was only able to get two hours of sleep. when i was sleeping, my wife came sobbing because she had a bad dream. i had asked her what happened and she wouldn’t tell what the dream was about. she wouldn’t tell me so i told her, i love her and to go back to her mother. she said no and just layed in bed. she then woke me up again. i asked her what was wrong and she then blew up at me. she yelled at me, telling me that i was useless as a husband. i asked her, how she wanted me to comfort her and she told me to stay awake with her. i told her that i don’t have the energy for that and went back to sleep. i don’t know how to comfort people because i didn’t grow up in a nice household but i try my best. aita? i went to work today and i came home, now she’s ignoring me.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’ve been married to my wife for about two years. known her for about six years. i work long hours and never get any sleep. i do night-shifts and i don’t get sleep in the day time because her nephews & nieces are loud. her family has moved in with us. for the past two weeks, she’s been having nightmares. she usually just sits with me while i’m sleeping and then goes to her mother. yesterday, i was only able to get two hours of sleep. when i was sleeping, my wife came sobbing because she had a bad dream. i had asked her what happened and she wouldn’t tell what the dream was about. she wouldn’t tell me so i told her, i love her and to go back to her mother. she said no and just layed in bed. she then woke me up again. i asked her what was wrong and she then blew up at me. she yelled at me, telling me that i was useless as a husband. i asked her, how she wanted me to comfort her and she told me to stay awake with her. i told her that i don’t have the energy for that and went back to sleep. i don’t know how to comfort people because i didn’t grow up in a nice household but i try my best. aita? i went to work today and i came home, now she’s ignoring me. [/INST] nta - you need to talk to her about your needs as well as hers. you can't survive on 2 hours - this will kill you fairly quickly. </s>
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WIBTA for forcing my daughter to give up her child?
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the last few months have just been crazy i don’t know how to process it all at this point.
just to give context, i have a single daughter who’s about to turn 17. she’s a junior in high school. it’s just me and her. no siblings and her mother passed away. i’m also struggling financially and barely support the two of us let alone another child.
i don’t think of myself as a strict dad. i trusted my daughter to be careful and not getting in trouble. the only thing i might’ve been strict on was about was sex, and that’s because it’s a risky thing for a teenager to be doing. i didn’t want her getting pregnant or worse a disease from it.
one day i was cleaning the bathroom and found a positive pregnancy test. i confronted her about it and she confessed that shes pregnant. she apparently only did it once with her friend’s brother.
i contracted the kid’s parents. they didn’t sound pleased about what he did but they made it clear they wanted nothing to do with the child. which left me in a bind. i didn’t want my daughter being a mother at this age. as a teenager, she might be smart but she is still not ready to be a parent. i want her do great things in life. being a teen parent will likely restrict that. from my experience most teen parents aren’t able to follow their dreams because of parental duties and i don’t want that happening to my daughter. so i told her i wanted the baby to be put on adoption.
the problem is that she got this idea that she wants to try being a parent, and was heavily upset at having to give it up. without going into detail we got into a screaming match and she eventually ran into her room and slammed the door shut.
simply put i tried laying out that being a parent is a ginormous burden and will hold her back at this stage in her life. she’s still being stubborn about it which honestly surprised me a little bit. maybe at this point i would consider it, but even if i was willing to let her keep the baby, it would financially destroy us. like i said, i barely make enough to support two people. keeping the baby would likely put us in poverty, which would not do it any good. that’s why i want to put it up through adoption where at least a caring family can take it in. they’d do much better than we can.
| 215 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ee0967/wibta_for_forcing_my_daughter_to_give_up_her_child/
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2019-12-22 04:09:32
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yta for thinking you have that kind of power at all in this.
it's the kid's decision and only her decision. you can tell her you won't support her, you can tell her it'll be difficult, you can tell her all sorts of shit.
but you don't get deciding power over whether she has a baby or whether she can parent it.
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i knew a couple of women, back in the day, and their parents forced them to put their babies up for adoption. believe me, there are life long consequences to these actions and i watched these women pine and yearn for there children. this is back when there were only closed adoptions. your daughter has to make this decision for herself because she has to live with the consequences.
i suggest you start looking into any help you can find for your daughter.
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nah. i get both sides. i would highly recommend taking her to some support/community groups to listen in on the conversations. make sure to do several sides. the teen mom side and have them give your daughter a hard look at her future. an adoptive parent group, so she can see the kind of future her kid could get, and an adoption agency to learn about her options and the process. a group for women who gave up thier child, so she can see that giving a child up isn't just throwing away a kid, it's a tough decision and completely normal to have a variety of emotions and reasons for it. and to round out the spectrum, a group for women who have had abortions. the decision about the pregnancy ultimately belongs to your daughter. your ultimate decision is whether or not you are going to let that decision destroy your relationship with her.
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i’m not going to use the term “asshole,” because this is such a gut-wrenching issue, but in the end, the decisions (and the consequences) have to be hers. forcing a young woman to give up a baby is horrific. if she decides adoption is the way to go, she will need a ton of emotional support—and it will have to be her choice.
also, it’s adorable that the baby’s father and his parents want nothing to do with the kid, but he will be on the hook for child support, so that might help you to some extent. what your daughter needs most is your support. she must be terrified.
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yta
your “strict on sex” attitude is probably at least partially to blame for this. did you really expect your 17 year old daughter to never have sex purely because you told her not to? if you were worried about diseases or a baby (which happened anyway, great job!) you should have just given her some fucking condoms.
additionally, you’ve massively overestimated how much power you have in this situation. you cannot compel your daughter to give up her baby for adoption.
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nta. is abortion not an option? how far along is she?
honestly, i would have been more traumatized as a teen to be pregnant and have to go though labor just to give my child away than taking a pill. may be religious reasons not to, just saying.
your case may be different with her mom being gone. she’s pronounced looking for some mother/child relationship that she thinks her life is lacking.
teens can be great parents, but having a kid will make things a million times harder.
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yta. i mean, as a parent i get where you're coming from, and i can only imagine the desperation/despair it must engender to ponder the financial burden of another child. still, if i were her and heard that i would think, "great. so i'm a ginormous burden and have ruined my dad's life? and if i keep this baby i ruin everything even more?"
when i was in my twenties i got a girl i was seeing pregnant, and we decided an abortion was best. don't get me wrong, it was absolutely the right choice (me a flake and her an alcoholic), but at fifty-one i still think about that kid that never was sometimes, and i'm not going to lie, it makes me a little sad. i cannot even fathom how difficult it would be to give up a full-term baby, especially as seventeen, especially having carried that baby as your daughter will have. a woman's relationship to her child starts while that child is still in her womb, and is very well-developed by the time he or she is born.
i have no idea how much legal leverage you have to force the issue, but i think you and your daughter have a lot more talking to do about this. hopefully with calmer heads. i get your financial concerns, i mean really get them, but you need to realize that you could irrevocably break your relationship with your daughter, and damage her in the process.
i really feel for you. this is a tough situation with no good solution. i wish you wisdom and luck in equal measure, brother.
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nta a lot of people seem to be forgetting at the end of the day it's going to be ***you*** taking care of another child not her. i'm sure the parent idea sounds great when she's not thinking about the fake her social life is over and she needs to get a job. sit down with her and explain to her in no way will you be a parent to her child. she will have to get a job and take care of all costs on her own. this reality will probably kill that idea immediately.
it may be her body her choice but it is unacceptable for kids to think it's ok to force their mistakes on their parents. looks like it's time to grow up.
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nta she can't possibly provide for a baby at 17. i'd offer to help her pick out a nice adoption family if she wishes to carry the baby to term.
my mom had me at 18 and she could just barely take care of me. she lived on her own, and my grandparents had to watch me during the day. we were on government aid of every kind. every sunday morning we were at a foodbank. i'm grateful for her sacrifices, but i wish sometimes she would have given me for adoption instead because i feel so guilty sometimes for existing and beinga burden. let her know that if she had a baby, they would struggle with her, or succeed with a more prepared couple.
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nah like you said in another reply, you probably didn’t say it the best way but you told her the cold hard reality of the situation. she could still be incredibly successful if she keeps the baby but it will be exponentially harder. best to hear it now from you than think everything is going to magically be okay.
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YTA
| null |
NAH
| null |
YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.683457 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: the last few months have just been crazy i don’t know how to process it all at this point. just to give context, i have a single daughter who’s about to turn 17. she’s a junior in high school. it’s just me and her. no siblings and her mother passed away. i’m also struggling financially and barely support the two of us let alone another child. i don’t think of myself as a strict dad. i trusted my daughter to be careful and not getting in trouble. the only thing i might’ve been strict on was about was sex, and that’s because it’s a risky thing for a teenager to be doing. i didn’t want her getting pregnant or worse a disease from it. one day i was cleaning the bathroom and found a positive pregnancy test. i confronted her about it and she confessed that shes pregnant. she apparently only did it once with her friend’s brother. i contracted the kid’s parents. they didn’t sound pleased about what he did but they made it clear they wanted nothing to do with the child. which left me in a bind. i didn’t want my daughter being a mother at this age. as a teenager, she might be smart but she is still not ready to be a parent. i want her do great things in life. being a teen parent will likely restrict that. from my experience most teen parents aren’t able to follow their dreams because of parental duties and i don’t want that happening to my daughter. so i told her i wanted the baby to be put on adoption. the problem is that she got this idea that she wants to try being a parent, and was heavily upset at having to give it up. without going into detail we got into a screaming match and she eventually ran into her room and slammed the door shut. simply put i tried laying out that being a parent is a ginormous burden and will hold her back at this stage in her life. she’s still being stubborn about it which honestly surprised me a little bit. maybe at this point i would consider it, but even if i was willing to let her keep the baby, it would financially destroy us. like i said, i barely make enough to support two people. keeping the baby would likely put us in poverty, which would not do it any good. that’s why i want to put it up through adoption where at least a caring family can take it in. they’d do much better than we can.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
the last few months have just been crazy i don’t know how to process it all at this point. just to give context, i have a single daughter who’s about to turn 17. she’s a junior in high school. it’s just me and her. no siblings and her mother passed away. i’m also struggling financially and barely support the two of us let alone another child. i don’t think of myself as a strict dad. i trusted my daughter to be careful and not getting in trouble. the only thing i might’ve been strict on was about was sex, and that’s because it’s a risky thing for a teenager to be doing. i didn’t want her getting pregnant or worse a disease from it. one day i was cleaning the bathroom and found a positive pregnancy test. i confronted her about it and she confessed that shes pregnant. she apparently only did it once with her friend’s brother. i contracted the kid’s parents. they didn’t sound pleased about what he did but they made it clear they wanted nothing to do with the child. which left me in a bind. i didn’t want my daughter being a mother at this age. as a teenager, she might be smart but she is still not ready to be a parent. i want her do great things in life. being a teen parent will likely restrict that. from my experience most teen parents aren’t able to follow their dreams because of parental duties and i don’t want that happening to my daughter. so i told her i wanted the baby to be put on adoption. the problem is that she got this idea that she wants to try being a parent, and was heavily upset at having to give it up. without going into detail we got into a screaming match and she eventually ran into her room and slammed the door shut. simply put i tried laying out that being a parent is a ginormous burden and will hold her back at this stage in her life. she’s still being stubborn about it which honestly surprised me a little bit. maybe at this point i would consider it, but even if i was willing to let her keep the baby, it would financially destroy us. like i said, i barely make enough to support two people. keeping the baby would likely put us in poverty, which would not do it any good. that’s why i want to put it up through adoption where at least a caring family can take it in. they’d do much better than we can. [/INST] yta for thinking you have that kind of power at all in this. it's the kid's decision and only her decision. you can tell her you won't support her, you can tell her it'll be difficult, you can tell her all sorts of shit. but you don't get deciding power over whether she has a baby or whether she can parent it. </s>
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AITA if I leave for an internship while my sister needs support as a new mom?
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i am a 21 y/o student, my sister is 33. we have no family around - parents have both passed. i moved out of state for college, then she moved here.
last year she decided to have a baby alone. she went through a clinic that counseled heavily before moving forward because she would be a single mom without a support network. she complained to me a lot about it - basically saying they didn't have any confidence in her, the counselor didn't have faith in her. honestly it sounded like they were just warning her that single parenting is hard.
last july i got an internship for this summer at my dream company that is still happening despite covid. shortly after, she went through with her plans. she gave birth 6 weeks ago, premature but baby was healthy.
she needed a lot of help. i stayed with her for the first week and a half, and then i was going over twice a day, running errands, taking them to appts. now it has gone down, but she still asks for daily help, to take the day off work to be with him so she can sleep, to go to the store for her at midnight because she needs diapers and doesn't want to take him out. i am running errands for her 5-6 times a week (and that's with saying no to a lot of them - she often asks twice a day) and have been babysitting nearly daily as well. meanwhile i'm a full-time student and working - i've cut down on hours at work to help.
i have been reminding her that i will be leaving for my internship and that she should hire someone. she has brushed it off because the baby will be sleeping better, or that she can just find a teenager looking to make easy money.
last week i was out of town getting my internship apartment. she called me crying a dozen times because she wasn't sleeping or needed things so she was having to take the take him with. she lives in a rural area where instacart and shipt won't help.
when i got back she told me she needs me to cancel my internship and stay here to help. i initially said no and she got upset and asked me why i agreed to help her raise a baby if i was going to flake. but it's not like she ever asked me beforehand. but my internship is not a surprise. i got it before she was pregnant, and i have been reminding her.
she says it's "not possible" to do it alone, and she has to go back to work soon. i got heated and said things reminding her that she complained when the clinic said this would be hard and she needs a good support system, and she decided to do it anyway - it's not like i got a choice. i feel chained to a commitment i had no choice in.
honestly i would probably be more sympathetic if she had a partner that didn't work out or she got pregnant accidentally but she chose to be a single parent. i've supported her but i'm crushed at the thought of canceling my internship, my last chance at it (i will graduate next year) where i have a really good shot for a future career if it goes well.
aita for not wanting to give this up?
| 4,731 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ghwfvf/aita_if_i_leave_for_an_internship_while_my_sister/
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2020-05-11 21:04:37
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nta. don't you dare throw away your future because of your sister's choices.
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nta. she’s putting the burden she should be able to handle on you, even after telling you it was okay (i’ll just find a teen ager looking to find some money)
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nta.
do not cancel. you can't "ruin" your life and waste opportunityes because she decided to have a child.
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*last year she decided to have a baby alone.*
this sums it up. not to be cruel but she decided to have a baby alone, not with you. she is not your responsibility. the baby is not your responsibility. please, please don't turn down that internship because your adult sister made an informed, if arguably bad, choice.
nta.
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nta
you should not give up your internship just because your sister is overwhelmed and hasn't gotten other help.
your sister is an informed adult who made an informed decision to have a child as a single adult, who chooses to live in a rural area, who has chosen not to find other childcare.
you can't give up your education and career because your sister is finding out that having a baby is hard.
tell her that you love her but you have to go. an set up a do not disturb on your phone so she isn't interrupting your work or sleep. (there was no reason she needed you to go on midnight diaper runs. really. she knew she was running low days earlier than that.)
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nta. dont put your life on hold due to your sisters choices.
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nta. sis do not give this up for her. this will help your career. she chose to be a single mom. this is her baby not your baby. she should be kissing your feet for helping not demanding you stay. she made her bed now she has to lie in it.
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nta.
please please please do not cancel your internship. this is your life for the rest of your life. you worked hard, you got your dream job, and are on your way to your dream career. do not throw that away.
your sister is 33, she’s had her 20s and chose to have a baby on her own. babies are hard. they don’t always sleep well and it’s a tired no counselling can prepare you for... but it will pass. and fairly quickly.
be strong. keep telling her you are going away soon, and that it was her choice to have a baby, not yours, you are not the other parent. she will work it out, and once she’s through this sleep fog she will realise she shouldn’t expect you to give up on your dream to support hers.
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nta. go do your internship. you get to make your own choices, too.
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nta
> she decided to have a baby alone
she made her decisions and she has to live with the consequences of those decisions, good and bad.
and, yes, it is absolutely possible to "do it alone." millions of women do every single day. it's not easy, it's not always fun, but it is definitely possible.
she made her choices in life and now you get to make yours. take that internship and feel not one ounce of guilt. she can hire help if she needs it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am a 21 y/o student, my sister is 33. we have no family around - parents have both passed. i moved out of state for college, then she moved here. last year she decided to have a baby alone. she went through a clinic that counseled heavily before moving forward because she would be a single mom without a support network. she complained to me a lot about it - basically saying they didn't have any confidence in her, the counselor didn't have faith in her. honestly it sounded like they were just warning her that single parenting is hard. last july i got an internship for this summer at my dream company that is still happening despite covid. shortly after, she went through with her plans. she gave birth 6 weeks ago, premature but baby was healthy. she needed a lot of help. i stayed with her for the first week and a half, and then i was going over twice a day, running errands, taking them to appts. now it has gone down, but she still asks for daily help, to take the day off work to be with him so she can sleep, to go to the store for her at midnight because she needs diapers and doesn't want to take him out. i am running errands for her 5-6 times a week (and that's with saying no to a lot of them - she often asks twice a day) and have been babysitting nearly daily as well. meanwhile i'm a full-time student and working - i've cut down on hours at work to help. i have been reminding her that i will be leaving for my internship and that she should hire someone. she has brushed it off because the baby will be sleeping better, or that she can just find a teenager looking to make easy money. last week i was out of town getting my internship apartment. she called me crying a dozen times because she wasn't sleeping or needed things so she was having to take the take him with. she lives in a rural area where instacart and shipt won't help. when i got back she told me she needs me to cancel my internship and stay here to help. i initially said no and she got upset and asked me why i agreed to help her raise a baby if i was going to flake. but it's not like she ever asked me beforehand. but my internship is not a surprise. i got it before she was pregnant, and i have been reminding her. she says it's "not possible" to do it alone, and she has to go back to work soon. i got heated and said things reminding her that she complained when the clinic said this would be hard and she needs a good support system, and she decided to do it anyway - it's not like i got a choice. i feel chained to a commitment i had no choice in. honestly i would probably be more sympathetic if she had a partner that didn't work out or she got pregnant accidentally but she chose to be a single parent. i've supported her but i'm crushed at the thought of canceling my internship, my last chance at it (i will graduate next year) where i have a really good shot for a future career if it goes well. aita for not wanting to give this up?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am a 21 y/o student, my sister is 33. we have no family around - parents have both passed. i moved out of state for college, then she moved here. last year she decided to have a baby alone. she went through a clinic that counseled heavily before moving forward because she would be a single mom without a support network. she complained to me a lot about it - basically saying they didn't have any confidence in her, the counselor didn't have faith in her. honestly it sounded like they were just warning her that single parenting is hard. last july i got an internship for this summer at my dream company that is still happening despite covid. shortly after, she went through with her plans. she gave birth 6 weeks ago, premature but baby was healthy. she needed a lot of help. i stayed with her for the first week and a half, and then i was going over twice a day, running errands, taking them to appts. now it has gone down, but she still asks for daily help, to take the day off work to be with him so she can sleep, to go to the store for her at midnight because she needs diapers and doesn't want to take him out. i am running errands for her 5-6 times a week (and that's with saying no to a lot of them - she often asks twice a day) and have been babysitting nearly daily as well. meanwhile i'm a full-time student and working - i've cut down on hours at work to help. i have been reminding her that i will be leaving for my internship and that she should hire someone. she has brushed it off because the baby will be sleeping better, or that she can just find a teenager looking to make easy money. last week i was out of town getting my internship apartment. she called me crying a dozen times because she wasn't sleeping or needed things so she was having to take the take him with. she lives in a rural area where instacart and shipt won't help. when i got back she told me she needs me to cancel my internship and stay here to help. i initially said no and she got upset and asked me why i agreed to help her raise a baby if i was going to flake. but it's not like she ever asked me beforehand. but my internship is not a surprise. i got it before she was pregnant, and i have been reminding her. she says it's "not possible" to do it alone, and she has to go back to work soon. i got heated and said things reminding her that she complained when the clinic said this would be hard and she needs a good support system, and she decided to do it anyway - it's not like i got a choice. i feel chained to a commitment i had no choice in. honestly i would probably be more sympathetic if she had a partner that didn't work out or she got pregnant accidentally but she chose to be a single parent. i've supported her but i'm crushed at the thought of canceling my internship, my last chance at it (i will graduate next year) where i have a really good shot for a future career if it goes well. aita for not wanting to give this up? [/INST] nta. don't you dare throw away your future because of your sister's choices. </s>
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AITA for refusing to help my wife babysit my nieces and nephew?
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my wife has a habit of agreeing to babysit my nieces and nephew without discussing it with me and then expecting me to help her.
we have had many arguments about this. she can't understand why i don't want to babysit them since they are family and we always have a good time even though i've told her the last thing i want to do with the little free time i have is babysit them. i love them, but i am not giving up my hobbies so i can babysit them.
i think it's fine if my wife wants to do this, but i should not be the bad guy if i choose not to help her.
&#x200b;
aita?
| 790 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e2qi5t/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_wife_babysit_my/
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2019-11-28 01:33:04
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nta. your wife doesn't get to volunteer you for shit.
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nta if she wants to volunteer herself, fine. she has no right to expect you to be available for stuff you did not volunteer for.
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nta, if you've had multiple arguments about this, then your wife clearly isn't listening to you. if your wife agrees to baby sit then that's on her, you weren't asked and you didn't agree.
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info: what kind of help is she asking for?
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[deleted]
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nta. she can volunteer her own time and effort but doesn't have the right to demand that you volunteer yours especially since you've told her you don't want to. maybe give her a maximum number of hours or days per month that you would be willing to help out with them, or tell her she has to ask you prior to committing to keeping them. anything outside of that is entirely on her.
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nta. the person who agrees to babysit gets to do the babysitting. it’s not fair to you that she is trying to decide for you and take away your free time. like the other commentators said, she may be getting the maternal itch. for sure have a convo about whether or not you guys are planning on having kids or when.
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reading your comments if the only help she’s asking for is for you to play games and such with them you might be ta. i try to have my husband play games with my siblings and i and he always says no and it’s very hurtful. she may just be trying to spend time and have fun with you. she’s not trying to rope you into helping out. maybe don’t instantly jump into the defensive position and just talk to her about it.
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nta. i'm exactly the same way.
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nah - clearly you don’t want to spend your free time looking after children this is fine. she wants to spend time with her family and wants to help look after them and be part of their life this is also fine.
maybe you should have a little chat with the wife, have yous got children of your own? maybe she is feeling maternal and this is her way of displaying that, also wanting you to be involved to try and judge wether yous are both ready for children?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.012234 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife has a habit of agreeing to babysit my nieces and nephew without discussing it with me and then expecting me to help her. we have had many arguments about this. she can't understand why i don't want to babysit them since they are family and we always have a good time even though i've told her the last thing i want to do with the little free time i have is babysit them. i love them, but i am not giving up my hobbies so i can babysit them. i think it's fine if my wife wants to do this, but i should not be the bad guy if i choose not to help her. &#x200b; aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife has a habit of agreeing to babysit my nieces and nephew without discussing it with me and then expecting me to help her. we have had many arguments about this. she can't understand why i don't want to babysit them since they are family and we always have a good time even though i've told her the last thing i want to do with the little free time i have is babysit them. i love them, but i am not giving up my hobbies so i can babysit them. i think it's fine if my wife wants to do this, but i should not be the bad guy if i choose not to help her. &#x200b; aita? [/INST] nta. your wife doesn't get to volunteer you for shit. </s>
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AITA for not wanting my fiancée to strip at my bachelor party?
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my fiancée and i are getting married in a couple months and my friends told me they are planning a bachelor party. they let me in on some of the details, basically a regular party at one of their houses but with extra booze. no strippers.
my fiancée was talking to me about what was happening at the party and i said nothing too exciting. she then takes the conversation in a completely weird direction and says she should strip at it. i thought she was joking but nope, she wants to strip, in front of my friends, at my bachelor party. weird as all hell, and i of course said no.
i thought that would be the end of it, but i guess once a conversation takes that strange a turn it might as well keep getting weirder. she the insisted she strip. she said that all bachelor parties have strippers(not really true at all) and that what’s better than your soon to be wife stripping. well i can think of a lot of things but whatever. i again said no, and said that she’s being really weird.
i don’t exactly know what’s gotten into her but she got upset and said that i’m ashamed of her body. i don’t know where that came from but okay. i said that was wrong, i just don’t want her stripping in front of my friends.
she’s still upset. i have truly no clue what i’m supposed to say here. was i rude in some way?
| 2,321 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eljkft/aita_for_not_wanting_my_fiancée_to_strip_at_my/
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2020-01-07 23:12:58
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nta. i think you forgot these 🚩🚩🚩🚩
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this is weird. you made reddit weird.
nta, but damn...wtf?
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she’s desperately trying to make sure that any tits you see that night are hers. you better make sure there really are no strippers dude or she’s gonna lose her shit and a sideways stripping request is gonna be the least of your problems.
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i wouldn't have wanted my soon to be wife stripping at my party either.
nta
you need to find out why she is wanting to strip at your party. is it some random fantasy she has? some people seem to think their opportunity for doing crazy things are over once they get married so maybe that is it?
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nta. the whole stripper thing at bachelor parties is fucking weird.
it's even weirder that she wants to subject herself to this and is upset at not being able to.
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my guess here is your wife doesnt trust you won't fuck a stripper at your party so she wants to do it you're nta but she's probably just insecure maybe just tell her you'll strip at her bachelorette party and see what she wants lol
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nta. this is a test. a fucked up, twisted, pointless test.
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nta, this would be probably be extremely weird for everyone except maybe her, because it seems like she's into it. she's the a in this situation for pushing an idea that you're not comfortable with.
you need to have a clear discussion with her as to why you don't want her naked in front of your friends, and why she does want to be naked in front of your friends. to put it mildly, you are not the one with the less common preference in this situation...
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nta
that's really super bizarre ...
maybe she's feeling insecure about marriage ...?
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my fiancée and i are getting married in a couple months and my friends told me they are planning a bachelor party. they let me in on some of the details, basically a regular party at one of their houses but with extra booze. no strippers. my fiancée was talking to me about what was happening at the party and i said nothing too exciting. she then takes the conversation in a completely weird direction and says she should strip at it. i thought she was joking but nope, she wants to strip, in front of my friends, at my bachelor party. weird as all hell, and i of course said no. i thought that would be the end of it, but i guess once a conversation takes that strange a turn it might as well keep getting weirder. she the insisted she strip. she said that all bachelor parties have strippers(not really true at all) and that what’s better than your soon to be wife stripping. well i can think of a lot of things but whatever. i again said no, and said that she’s being really weird. i don’t exactly know what’s gotten into her but she got upset and said that i’m ashamed of her body. i don’t know where that came from but okay. i said that was wrong, i just don’t want her stripping in front of my friends. she’s still upset. i have truly no clue what i’m supposed to say here. was i rude in some way?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my fiancée and i are getting married in a couple months and my friends told me they are planning a bachelor party. they let me in on some of the details, basically a regular party at one of their houses but with extra booze. no strippers. my fiancée was talking to me about what was happening at the party and i said nothing too exciting. she then takes the conversation in a completely weird direction and says she should strip at it. i thought she was joking but nope, she wants to strip, in front of my friends, at my bachelor party. weird as all hell, and i of course said no. i thought that would be the end of it, but i guess once a conversation takes that strange a turn it might as well keep getting weirder. she the insisted she strip. she said that all bachelor parties have strippers(not really true at all) and that what’s better than your soon to be wife stripping. well i can think of a lot of things but whatever. i again said no, and said that she’s being really weird. i don’t exactly know what’s gotten into her but she got upset and said that i’m ashamed of her body. i don’t know where that came from but okay. i said that was wrong, i just don’t want her stripping in front of my friends. she’s still upset. i have truly no clue what i’m supposed to say here. was i rude in some way? [/INST] nta. i think you forgot these 🚩🚩🚩🚩 </s>
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AITA for calling out someone for not flushing a public toilet?
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you know how when you go into a public bathroom and a lot of the time there is still piss and shit in the toilet? well i encountered someone doing that
me and my girlfriend were waiting in the bathroom (i’m a woman for context). a woman came out of the stall but didn’t flush, so i said “aren’t you going to flush so other people don’t have to get sick?” and she shot me a glare and ignored me. my girlfriend said i was an ass and shouldn’t have said anything
| 363 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bnsyzm/aita_for_calling_out_someone_for_not_flushing_a/
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2019-05-12 19:25:17
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nta. take care of your shit and flush it yourself.
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nta. some things deserve public shaming.
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nta, i mean what, does your girlfriend not think its gross? because it is, and you should flush everytime. leaving a toilet full of piss and shit is fucking rude and disgusting
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nta. that’s nasty as hell. did she at least wash her hands??
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nta at all. not even a bit. that is just disgusting. people like that get no sympathy from me.
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nta
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nta. why wouldn't someone when they're done? how does that possibly benefit them? germs from the handle? use your foot!
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nta... unless the toilet was broken
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nta. that's disgusting.
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nta lol that's gross and she deserved to get called out for doing something that nasty in my opinion
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: you know how when you go into a public bathroom and a lot of the time there is still piss and shit in the toilet? well i encountered someone doing that me and my girlfriend were waiting in the bathroom (i’m a woman for context). a woman came out of the stall but didn’t flush, so i said “aren’t you going to flush so other people don’t have to get sick?” and she shot me a glare and ignored me. my girlfriend said i was an ass and shouldn’t have said anything
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
you know how when you go into a public bathroom and a lot of the time there is still piss and shit in the toilet? well i encountered someone doing that me and my girlfriend were waiting in the bathroom (i’m a woman for context). a woman came out of the stall but didn’t flush, so i said “aren’t you going to flush so other people don’t have to get sick?” and she shot me a glare and ignored me. my girlfriend said i was an ass and shouldn’t have said anything [/INST] nta. take care of your shit and flush it yourself. </s>
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AITA for leaving work on time, despite no one being scheduled to close?
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so i work at walmart, in grocery home shopping, which is a whole different dimension compared to the rest of the store. to start off, about a week ago my manager pulled me into his office to bitch about wait times being too high, and that i'm not fast enough despite the fact that sometimes i'm literally the only one who is trying to work fast (or even at all). on some nights co workers just sit there and talk or look at their phone while i'm stuck having to explain to everyone in the parking lot why they had to wait 20 minutes. i later found out he didn't bother talking to the slackers. this pissed me off and kinda killed my motivation to do anything more than the bare minimum.
fast forward to today we had 4 dispensers for the entire day, but we found out that all of us were going to be leaving before 8:00 (our closing time) my shift ended at 5:00pm maria's at 4:00pm alexandra's at 5:30pm and jim at 3:30. we looked at the schedule to see if anyone was coming after we all left, and there was literally not a single associate scheduled after 6pm. soon, gabe (the manager) rose from the darkest,of hell (happens once a year) to ask maria if she wanted to cover the closing shift, to which she declined because she doesn't want to dispense anymore,
he turns to the rest of us, alexandra had dinner plans already made and jim had already disappeared at this point. so i was the only one without plans after work. going back to what i went over in the beginning, i was bitter towards gabe and not really looking forward for covering his ass considering he brought this on himself.
i knew he still had options, using one of the support managers, or pulling one or two cashiers off a register, but naturally he chose to just clock out on time and let someone else figure it out. so i let the support manager know what was going on and quietly left 15 minutes late. there really weren't that much orders for the night, we finished every pick by 3:00 which is an hour before it is supposed to be finished, and there were only 3 orders to be dispensed between 6-7 and 4 between 7-8, so whoever is covering me while i sit back, drink a beer, write this post is probably just sitting around, waiting for the clock to hit eight
the reason i think i may be ta here is that;
1. some support manager who has like a million things better to do is sitting in the ogp backroom waiting for that one customer to arrive at 7:59
2. gabe's precious "numbers"(wait times for groceries) that he bitched at me about might of taken a hit if there's no one there to dispense
3. i may of indirectly hurt alexandra because she told me she didn't want to just let gabe take the fall, and may of stayed past her shift (i don't know if she did or not)
reasons im nta:
1. i don't have to work overtime
2. gabe is a doo doo head
3. there wasn't that many orders, very slow night which is uncharacteristic for a saturday
at this point its up to you to decide, cause im kinda torn on whether or not i should've stayed
| 269 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d4ecw6/aita_for_leaving_work_on_time_despite_no_one/
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2019-09-15 01:53:11
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nta - it's the manager's responsibility to schedule correctly and it's also the manager's fault for not creating a "team" environment where people want to do their best. if you're not required to work overtime and you don't want to, there's no point in second guessing yourself - go enjoy your time off.
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nta. you’re not paid manager’s salary to care.
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nta. you aren’t obligated to work beyond scheduled time just to cover the managers ass.
also, just because you didn’t have plans to do something (dinner, movie, etc) doesn’t mean your off time isn’t valuable. i learned long ago that if asked to work extra and i don’t want to i reply that i ‘have plans’. i just don’t tell them those plans are to sit on my couch in my pjs, watching tv, and eating junk food.
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nta because gabe doo doo head
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nta. being reliable is a slippery slope, especially in a retail environment. if you prove yourself too reliable, you will be taken advantage of. in the end, it's just a job and if you're not in charge of scheduling or anything managerial, then do your time and go home.
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nta- not your fault there was no cover scheduled, not your job to schedule cover. also never work extra unless you get paid for it, 15 minutes is 15 minutes and people start taking liberties
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nta- gabe is a total doo doo head
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nta. it’s the manager’s job to deal with it and gabe didn’t even care so why should you?
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nta - you’ll learn with time that some issues are above your pay grade and you don’t have to give a single flying fuck about them. also the fact that whoever was in charge of scheduling fucked up, not you, you agreed to do a task from x time to x time, and you don’t have to do anything outside of that.
also, the reason you got shit on for being slow is because you’re good; your manager knows they can push you to do better, so they reprimand you when you try and go easy on yourself for a day. the reason they didn’t go after the others is because they know they can’t get anywhere with them, and it’s not worth the energy. you shouldn’t have to put up with this, and eventually you’ll be in a position where you aren’t putting up with it and might have the ability to stop someone else from being like that, and sincerely hope you remember what it feels like working your ass off at the bottom, only to get shit on.
you’re doing good work and you’ll always get rewarded for what you do, maybe not when you need it, but it’ll come, i promise
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[deleted]
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i work at walmart, in grocery home shopping, which is a whole different dimension compared to the rest of the store. to start off, about a week ago my manager pulled me into his office to bitch about wait times being too high, and that i'm not fast enough despite the fact that sometimes i'm literally the only one who is trying to work fast (or even at all). on some nights co workers just sit there and talk or look at their phone while i'm stuck having to explain to everyone in the parking lot why they had to wait 20 minutes. i later found out he didn't bother talking to the slackers. this pissed me off and kinda killed my motivation to do anything more than the bare minimum. fast forward to today we had 4 dispensers for the entire day, but we found out that all of us were going to be leaving before 8:00 (our closing time) my shift ended at 5:00pm maria's at 4:00pm alexandra's at 5:30pm and jim at 3:30. we looked at the schedule to see if anyone was coming after we all left, and there was literally not a single associate scheduled after 6pm. soon, gabe (the manager) rose from the darkest,of hell (happens once a year) to ask maria if she wanted to cover the closing shift, to which she declined because she doesn't want to dispense anymore, he turns to the rest of us, alexandra had dinner plans already made and jim had already disappeared at this point. so i was the only one without plans after work. going back to what i went over in the beginning, i was bitter towards gabe and not really looking forward for covering his ass considering he brought this on himself. i knew he still had options, using one of the support managers, or pulling one or two cashiers off a register, but naturally he chose to just clock out on time and let someone else figure it out. so i let the support manager know what was going on and quietly left 15 minutes late. there really weren't that much orders for the night, we finished every pick by 3:00 which is an hour before it is supposed to be finished, and there were only 3 orders to be dispensed between 6-7 and 4 between 7-8, so whoever is covering me while i sit back, drink a beer, write this post is probably just sitting around, waiting for the clock to hit eight the reason i think i may be ta here is that; 1. some support manager who has like a million things better to do is sitting in the ogp backroom waiting for that one customer to arrive at 7:59 2. gabe's precious "numbers"(wait times for groceries) that he bitched at me about might of taken a hit if there's no one there to dispense 3. i may of indirectly hurt alexandra because she told me she didn't want to just let gabe take the fall, and may of stayed past her shift (i don't know if she did or not) reasons im nta: 1. i don't have to work overtime 2. gabe is a doo doo head 3. there wasn't that many orders, very slow night which is uncharacteristic for a saturday at this point its up to you to decide, cause im kinda torn on whether or not i should've stayed
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i work at walmart, in grocery home shopping, which is a whole different dimension compared to the rest of the store. to start off, about a week ago my manager pulled me into his office to bitch about wait times being too high, and that i'm not fast enough despite the fact that sometimes i'm literally the only one who is trying to work fast (or even at all). on some nights co workers just sit there and talk or look at their phone while i'm stuck having to explain to everyone in the parking lot why they had to wait 20 minutes. i later found out he didn't bother talking to the slackers. this pissed me off and kinda killed my motivation to do anything more than the bare minimum. fast forward to today we had 4 dispensers for the entire day, but we found out that all of us were going to be leaving before 8:00 (our closing time) my shift ended at 5:00pm maria's at 4:00pm alexandra's at 5:30pm and jim at 3:30. we looked at the schedule to see if anyone was coming after we all left, and there was literally not a single associate scheduled after 6pm. soon, gabe (the manager) rose from the darkest,of hell (happens once a year) to ask maria if she wanted to cover the closing shift, to which she declined because she doesn't want to dispense anymore, he turns to the rest of us, alexandra had dinner plans already made and jim had already disappeared at this point. so i was the only one without plans after work. going back to what i went over in the beginning, i was bitter towards gabe and not really looking forward for covering his ass considering he brought this on himself. i knew he still had options, using one of the support managers, or pulling one or two cashiers off a register, but naturally he chose to just clock out on time and let someone else figure it out. so i let the support manager know what was going on and quietly left 15 minutes late. there really weren't that much orders for the night, we finished every pick by 3:00 which is an hour before it is supposed to be finished, and there were only 3 orders to be dispensed between 6-7 and 4 between 7-8, so whoever is covering me while i sit back, drink a beer, write this post is probably just sitting around, waiting for the clock to hit eight the reason i think i may be ta here is that; 1. some support manager who has like a million things better to do is sitting in the ogp backroom waiting for that one customer to arrive at 7:59 2. gabe's precious "numbers"(wait times for groceries) that he bitched at me about might of taken a hit if there's no one there to dispense 3. i may of indirectly hurt alexandra because she told me she didn't want to just let gabe take the fall, and may of stayed past her shift (i don't know if she did or not) reasons im nta: 1. i don't have to work overtime 2. gabe is a doo doo head 3. there wasn't that many orders, very slow night which is uncharacteristic for a saturday at this point its up to you to decide, cause im kinda torn on whether or not i should've stayed [/INST] nta - it's the manager's responsibility to schedule correctly and it's also the manager's fault for not creating a "team" environment where people want to do their best. if you're not required to work overtime and you don't want to, there's no point in second guessing yourself - go enjoy your time off. </s>
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AITA for saying that having kids while being young is not always the best?
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friends of my boyfriend have gotten the first child in his friendshipgroup. it was not planned. he (m26) works together with my boyfriend (m26) and she (f25) lives off the money from her parents while trying to study at a university for like the last 6 years. everybody was shocked but later very happy and this little girl got spoiled. they married soon after but it was all very „improvised“ because they only did it so that the baby would have married parents because that’s important for their religion. their child is now 2 years old.
he was over for dinner (the pandemic is very under control in my country and restrictions have been lifted for weeks). he asked when we want to have children and i (f22) said that i want to finish university first and work a few years in my job. (i always wanted to have the security to have a financial stable life before getting children but i didn’t said it that way). he then started saying how great it is to have children at a very young age and how good it is that she studies and doesn’t work so she has more time for their child. i agreed that i heard that some find it more relaxing. personally i’m very interested in the subject i study and spend a lot of time with reading and learning about the topic and i already work two times a week in the field i want to go after university so i don’t have much time.
he pushed this topic further and asked why - if we heard it already - don’t want to have children and i told that it just wasn’t the right time for me, that i do a lot of university because i don’t want to study too long. he kept pushing that i should take my time to study and have a kid because it would be the best experience, that it’s later in life not so relaxed and unique and i will regret it to have a child when i work - i had enough and said that i don’t want my parents to support my child and me. my boyfriend already works (- with him) but it would not be enough money to live a comfortable life and i also want to support myself and i can’t wait to do my dream job so i would just be unhappy to not work.
after i said this he got super angry. he screamed at me how i dare to call them parasites of her parents (i never said this) and that i try to bad mouthing their decision to have a child. he left. my boyfriend agreed that it was super awkward that he pushed this topic so much but he said i shouldn’t have said my reasons but it makes his friend feel not comfortable. since then his friend spreads rumours about us by other friends about how we talked bad about their child and decision and some friends don’t react to our texts/calls. i don’t know if it was to harsh to say something like this? was it an asshole-move?
| 1,589 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/li91b5/aita_for_saying_that_having_kids_while_being/
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2021-02-12 11:13:58
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nta. i'm guessing he might not be as happy with their situation as he pretends. there's some issues at play here that clearly have nothing to do with you. you were respectful and he was pushy. you're allowed to not want kids now (or ever) and for him to project on you like that is not ok. also i'm pretty sure if you were a guy this conversation would not have happened at all.
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nta- this guy pushed his insecurities on you. and was being super pushy. don't want an answer? then don't ask.
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nta, but this sort of conversation is something you can never win. people like this, who are insecure about the choices they made, or who wish deep down (so far down that they can't admit it) really don't want to see other people making different decisions.
this isn't on you, it's on him, but if there's a next time i recommend not actually discussing it. just say you're so glad he's found it a rewarding life choice, he must be so glad everything worked out for him, etc. any time you give him sensible reasons for what you're doing, he has to argue, he can't help it... so don't give him anything to argue lol.
(they don't want a conversation, they want validation)
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nta. first of all, they're both a bit older than you, so it makes sense that you wouldn't have children yet, you're so young yourself. second, it sounds to me like he's the one who thinks that they're parasites off her parents, since you never said it. sounds like he's super sensitive about his own life choices. third, people really need to stop pressuring others into having children. you never know what someone's situation is - you could have been trying to have a child and not succeeding because of fertility issues, and his needling you about it would be completely inappropriate.
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nta, sounds like he wanted confirmation he made the right choices and instead you confirmed his own feelings instead. him pushing was wrong and his anger might not gave anything to do with you. and they don't sound like great friends for spreading rumors.
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nta - no one else gets to tell you what you can do with your body and your life, much less your boyfriend's friend.
you get to chose how you want to live your life, that should be everyone's right as a human being.
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nta. he shouldn’t have pushed it, if you annoy someone like that and don’t drop it after getting your answer, you can’t be surprised that they’ll snap at some point. also i find it pretty rude anyway to ask why a couple doesn’t have kids yet. yeah it can be a reason like yours, which isn’t anyone’s business except yours and your partners, but it can also be a more private reason that might hurt and embarrass a couple.
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nta. he has no business pushing such a personal conversation to start with. its between only you and your partner if and when you have children. (btw first child at 30. and that was the right time for our circumstances)
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nta
he was the one forcing the argument, and forcing you into wanting a child at a young age. and now he is even badmouthing you to your friends, telling them things that you never said or intended.
you just told him that you don't want kids at this moment of your life, your answers where respectful and appropriate, he was the one trying to impose his life choices on you, he sure is ta.
oh and good luck following your dreams, keep doing what you love.♥️
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nta.
having kids young is never a good idea. people who do try to convince others is so they won't be alone in the situation. they also only say having children young is good only when something good happens and that they can "live their life and relax early in life (early to mid 30s) since their kids will be adults then. unfortunately, i've seen the consequences of that mind set. they think time stops when they have kids and their the same age as before and try to act like their in their 20s when they're in their late 30s, early 40s. it is not flattering because "you're too old to be acting like that." and by "that" i mean a "fool" drugs, drinking (excessively), clubbing, etc.
even my (26f) older cousin (27f) regrets having kids so young. she has a 10m, 7m, 5m, and 2f. and she can't find time for herself or get up and go. she even told me "you're so lucky you don't have any kids. you can just get up and go anywhere you want and do what ever you want, without worrying about finding a babysitter or anything"
an acquaintance tried to get me to watch his kid while i was in class virtually, because it wasn't the same as going into class physically and could keep an eye on him. um, no sir it's not. your mind is concentrating on something else not a 3 year old running and getting into everything.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: friends of my boyfriend have gotten the first child in his friendshipgroup. it was not planned. he (m26) works together with my boyfriend (m26) and she (f25) lives off the money from her parents while trying to study at a university for like the last 6 years. everybody was shocked but later very happy and this little girl got spoiled. they married soon after but it was all very „improvised“ because they only did it so that the baby would have married parents because that’s important for their religion. their child is now 2 years old. he was over for dinner (the pandemic is very under control in my country and restrictions have been lifted for weeks). he asked when we want to have children and i (f22) said that i want to finish university first and work a few years in my job. (i always wanted to have the security to have a financial stable life before getting children but i didn’t said it that way). he then started saying how great it is to have children at a very young age and how good it is that she studies and doesn’t work so she has more time for their child. i agreed that i heard that some find it more relaxing. personally i’m very interested in the subject i study and spend a lot of time with reading and learning about the topic and i already work two times a week in the field i want to go after university so i don’t have much time. he pushed this topic further and asked why - if we heard it already - don’t want to have children and i told that it just wasn’t the right time for me, that i do a lot of university because i don’t want to study too long. he kept pushing that i should take my time to study and have a kid because it would be the best experience, that it’s later in life not so relaxed and unique and i will regret it to have a child when i work - i had enough and said that i don’t want my parents to support my child and me. my boyfriend already works (- with him) but it would not be enough money to live a comfortable life and i also want to support myself and i can’t wait to do my dream job so i would just be unhappy to not work. after i said this he got super angry. he screamed at me how i dare to call them parasites of her parents (i never said this) and that i try to bad mouthing their decision to have a child. he left. my boyfriend agreed that it was super awkward that he pushed this topic so much but he said i shouldn’t have said my reasons but it makes his friend feel not comfortable. since then his friend spreads rumours about us by other friends about how we talked bad about their child and decision and some friends don’t react to our texts/calls. i don’t know if it was to harsh to say something like this? was it an asshole-move?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
friends of my boyfriend have gotten the first child in his friendshipgroup. it was not planned. he (m26) works together with my boyfriend (m26) and she (f25) lives off the money from her parents while trying to study at a university for like the last 6 years. everybody was shocked but later very happy and this little girl got spoiled. they married soon after but it was all very „improvised“ because they only did it so that the baby would have married parents because that’s important for their religion. their child is now 2 years old. he was over for dinner (the pandemic is very under control in my country and restrictions have been lifted for weeks). he asked when we want to have children and i (f22) said that i want to finish university first and work a few years in my job. (i always wanted to have the security to have a financial stable life before getting children but i didn’t said it that way). he then started saying how great it is to have children at a very young age and how good it is that she studies and doesn’t work so she has more time for their child. i agreed that i heard that some find it more relaxing. personally i’m very interested in the subject i study and spend a lot of time with reading and learning about the topic and i already work two times a week in the field i want to go after university so i don’t have much time. he pushed this topic further and asked why - if we heard it already - don’t want to have children and i told that it just wasn’t the right time for me, that i do a lot of university because i don’t want to study too long. he kept pushing that i should take my time to study and have a kid because it would be the best experience, that it’s later in life not so relaxed and unique and i will regret it to have a child when i work - i had enough and said that i don’t want my parents to support my child and me. my boyfriend already works (- with him) but it would not be enough money to live a comfortable life and i also want to support myself and i can’t wait to do my dream job so i would just be unhappy to not work. after i said this he got super angry. he screamed at me how i dare to call them parasites of her parents (i never said this) and that i try to bad mouthing their decision to have a child. he left. my boyfriend agreed that it was super awkward that he pushed this topic so much but he said i shouldn’t have said my reasons but it makes his friend feel not comfortable. since then his friend spreads rumours about us by other friends about how we talked bad about their child and decision and some friends don’t react to our texts/calls. i don’t know if it was to harsh to say something like this? was it an asshole-move? [/INST] nta. i'm guessing he might not be as happy with their situation as he pretends. there's some issues at play here that clearly have nothing to do with you. you were respectful and he was pushy. you're allowed to not want kids now (or ever) and for him to project on you like that is not ok. also i'm pretty sure if you were a guy this conversation would not have happened at all. </s>
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AITA for not letting my friend ''borrow my life''?
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my friend and i (both 25f) met in our freshman year of university, however 2 years into it she decided that she wanted to be a dancer and law school wasn't it for her, so she dropped out. nobody in her family wanted her to study law because in our country being a lawyer is a pretty dangerous career if the wrong people hire you and you fail their cases, but she wanted it and so her family pretty much stopped talking to her after that, when she dropped out i asked her if she was gonna tell her family and she said that she wasn't since being a dancer wasn't something they'd approve too anyway.
i consider her my best friend, however my husband (25m) doesn't like her and says that she only causes drama and unsolicited problems. she says that he's too frugal for her liking but they're civil towards each other, and after a few beers they get along just fine.
three days ago she came to my house and told me that she had something to ask, said that after so many years she started to long her family, her parents mostly and she wanted to reconnect with them, when she called them her parents answered well, but that they had too many expectations, a good career, a house, a husband and out of panic, she said yes to all of them and that she wanted to ''borrow'' my life for a day or two, she wants to invite her parents, show them that life was treating her well and start something from there, my friend wanted to use my house, dogs and husband and that during those 2 days i could stay in her apartment or she'll pay for a hotel.
i was shocked at first, i told her that the sole idea didn't sound good and that if she wants to get her family back, maybe being honest was the best choice and that she could explain them that she answered out of panic about ''that perfect life'', she told me that i didn't knew her family and to please help her out, i said that as much as i wanted, i couldn't do it because my dogs and mostly my husband wasn't some kind of objects to move and give as i pleased, that she could use the house as a safe place for the dinner, but she had to tell them that it wasn't hers. she called me unreasonable and left.
now some of our friends (all females) told me that letting her do this for a day or two was harmless, that she knew her family better than anyone and she could fix the things along the way, i told them that even if i do that she had to take some \*fake\* photos with my husband, buy some things to make the house ''hers'' and that being honest would be much cheaper, they called me an ah for not helping her and that if she asked them, they would do it without hesitation. my friends asked for \*my\* life because at the end of the day my husband knows her and it'll be easier, she can't have her gf do it because her parents don't know she's gay.
| 2,338 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pp6xvk/aita_for_not_letting_my_friend_borrow_my_life/
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2021-09-16 05:09:59
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nta
your best friend is insane. this won't end well, and helping her lie to her family is going to blow up on you and anyone else within the blast radius.
don't do this.
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nta
so let's play the scenario out
- she borrows your house, and you have to stay somewhere else
- she "borrows" your husband, with whom she is barley civil
- your husband gets upset about being treated like an object
- she has to take over your household duties, i somehow doubt she would
- your husband becomes responsible for the entire house for 2-3 days, which is not fair to him
- you stress for 2-3 days about how things are going, while not being allowed back home
and that's just for the actual time she is borrowing your life. afterwards is going to be an even bigger shit show because:
- what if her parents arrive at your house unannounced?
- what if you run into any of her family when out with your husband?
- what happens during the holidays? does your husband have to go with her?
- birthdays and family events? is she going to need to borrow your husband again?
- what about family pictures? arguably the leafy problematic, but i really doubt that your husband will be willing to be s part of her faux family photos
- is she just going to keep this lie going til she dies?
- what about marriage? is she going to say she is already married? is she going to change her last name?
- what happens if she wants a baby? is your husband going to be volunteered again
she has not thought this situation through. basically unless you were really willing to just give her your entire life, and your husband went along with it for some reason, there is no way this will work long term. your 'friend' needs to come clean to her family, or at the very least stop involving you in her deception. if your other friends feel so strongly, then one of them can volunteer their life.
two side notes:
1. i cannot imagine that your husband would be okay with any of this. you have a responsibility to help ensure that he feels safe in his own home, by not indulging this friend.
2. all of your friends suck, and don't seem like great friends if they are trying to pressure you into this.
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woah. are you guys making a comedy movie?
despite that, nta. it’s not up to you to deal with the consequences of another’s lies.
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nta. asking to take over your life for a few days, share a bedroom with your husband, dinner at your table, all because she panicked and lied to her parents is way beyond the red line. you do not know her parents, you do not know what they will do, if they will come around at random, and just the idea of giving your life over to someone for this con is insane.
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[deleted]
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nta.
your friend is creepy as hell. she needs to be honest and stop lying to everyone.
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nta. this is absolutely not harmless and i’m sure there are tv episodes where stuff like this happens, hilarity ensue and you see exactly why it’s a terrible idea. if she reconnects with her family after this how is she supposed to carry on this lie? rent your house and family for christmas and the odd weekend? this is one of those lies that has a 99% chance of spiralling out of control.
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[deleted]
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[deleted]
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nta
she started digging a hole for herself and by lying to her parents she decided to throw away the shovel and use the excavator instead…
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my friend and i (both 25f) met in our freshman year of university, however 2 years into it she decided that she wanted to be a dancer and law school wasn't it for her, so she dropped out. nobody in her family wanted her to study law because in our country being a lawyer is a pretty dangerous career if the wrong people hire you and you fail their cases, but she wanted it and so her family pretty much stopped talking to her after that, when she dropped out i asked her if she was gonna tell her family and she said that she wasn't since being a dancer wasn't something they'd approve too anyway. i consider her my best friend, however my husband (25m) doesn't like her and says that she only causes drama and unsolicited problems. she says that he's too frugal for her liking but they're civil towards each other, and after a few beers they get along just fine. three days ago she came to my house and told me that she had something to ask, said that after so many years she started to long her family, her parents mostly and she wanted to reconnect with them, when she called them her parents answered well, but that they had too many expectations, a good career, a house, a husband and out of panic, she said yes to all of them and that she wanted to ''borrow'' my life for a day or two, she wants to invite her parents, show them that life was treating her well and start something from there, my friend wanted to use my house, dogs and husband and that during those 2 days i could stay in her apartment or she'll pay for a hotel. i was shocked at first, i told her that the sole idea didn't sound good and that if she wants to get her family back, maybe being honest was the best choice and that she could explain them that she answered out of panic about ''that perfect life'', she told me that i didn't knew her family and to please help her out, i said that as much as i wanted, i couldn't do it because my dogs and mostly my husband wasn't some kind of objects to move and give as i pleased, that she could use the house as a safe place for the dinner, but she had to tell them that it wasn't hers. she called me unreasonable and left. now some of our friends (all females) told me that letting her do this for a day or two was harmless, that she knew her family better than anyone and she could fix the things along the way, i told them that even if i do that she had to take some \*fake\* photos with my husband, buy some things to make the house ''hers'' and that being honest would be much cheaper, they called me an ah for not helping her and that if she asked them, they would do it without hesitation. my friends asked for \*my\* life because at the end of the day my husband knows her and it'll be easier, she can't have her gf do it because her parents don't know she's gay.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my friend and i (both 25f) met in our freshman year of university, however 2 years into it she decided that she wanted to be a dancer and law school wasn't it for her, so she dropped out. nobody in her family wanted her to study law because in our country being a lawyer is a pretty dangerous career if the wrong people hire you and you fail their cases, but she wanted it and so her family pretty much stopped talking to her after that, when she dropped out i asked her if she was gonna tell her family and she said that she wasn't since being a dancer wasn't something they'd approve too anyway. i consider her my best friend, however my husband (25m) doesn't like her and says that she only causes drama and unsolicited problems. she says that he's too frugal for her liking but they're civil towards each other, and after a few beers they get along just fine. three days ago she came to my house and told me that she had something to ask, said that after so many years she started to long her family, her parents mostly and she wanted to reconnect with them, when she called them her parents answered well, but that they had too many expectations, a good career, a house, a husband and out of panic, she said yes to all of them and that she wanted to ''borrow'' my life for a day or two, she wants to invite her parents, show them that life was treating her well and start something from there, my friend wanted to use my house, dogs and husband and that during those 2 days i could stay in her apartment or she'll pay for a hotel. i was shocked at first, i told her that the sole idea didn't sound good and that if she wants to get her family back, maybe being honest was the best choice and that she could explain them that she answered out of panic about ''that perfect life'', she told me that i didn't knew her family and to please help her out, i said that as much as i wanted, i couldn't do it because my dogs and mostly my husband wasn't some kind of objects to move and give as i pleased, that she could use the house as a safe place for the dinner, but she had to tell them that it wasn't hers. she called me unreasonable and left. now some of our friends (all females) told me that letting her do this for a day or two was harmless, that she knew her family better than anyone and she could fix the things along the way, i told them that even if i do that she had to take some \*fake\* photos with my husband, buy some things to make the house ''hers'' and that being honest would be much cheaper, they called me an ah for not helping her and that if she asked them, they would do it without hesitation. my friends asked for \*my\* life because at the end of the day my husband knows her and it'll be easier, she can't have her gf do it because her parents don't know she's gay. [/INST] nta your best friend is insane. this won't end well, and helping her lie to her family is going to blow up on you and anyone else within the blast radius. don't do this. </s>
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AITA for not telling my parents i started t
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so back in late october i decided to finally start medically transitioning (18, ftm) now that im in college and away from my parents. ive been out for almost 6 years and they are not okay with it.
my insurance explicitly denies trans healthcare and so i went with another healthcare service (shout out to plume!) and paid out of pocket for their membership and used goodrx for the actual prescription testosterone. i had the prescription sent to a pharmacy down the road.
when my mom texted me i had a prescription ready, i thought she meant my anti-depressants had been refilled (she would notify my psychiatrist when i was low) so i asked which pharmacy. when she said she didn’t know because she thought *i* called in the prescription, i realized the pharmacy notified my mom of my t prescription.
this happened because even though it’s a different location, all my info is on file and my mom’s number was the contact. i was unaware of that.
i panicked and told her it was a uti prescription and i was just double checking the location because i wasnt familiar with the location im living in.
a few days later my dad starts blowing up my phone telling me to call him while i’m at lunch and i had that gut feeling of “they know” so i stepped out and my dad asked why i lied. i said i was just trying to live my life. i didnt tell them because i knew this would be the reaction.
aita for not telling them? because i know they were blindsided. i haven’t the slighest idea *how* they found out, my dad didn’t tell me.
ive since been kicked out and collected all my belongings without interacting with my family:/
| 220 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rfnc9o/aita_for_not_telling_my_parents_i_started_t/
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2021-12-13 19:06:45
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nta. i'm sorry your parents are such terrible people. i hope you find a safe place to live and be your true self.
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god no op, you are nta. you feared how they’d act and they acted it perfectly to the t. congratulations op, i hope your transition doesn’t hurt your body too much! my moms husband is in the process of transitioning from woman to man and he’s been getting some bad side effects
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nta. you're an adult, and they're being horribly transphobic and bigoted. also, the pharmacy notifying your mother is super upsetting, i'm so sorry. not to mention they kicked you out?! i'm so sorry, op
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absolutely nta!
sending vibrations of strength, healing, and peace 💛
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nta. the fact that they decided to kick you out show’s exactly why you didn’t tell them. i’m sorry this happened and i hope you have people who support you. family isn’t always the people you’re related to, and i hope you can find a good family to lean on.
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[deleted]
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baby no. nta. ever.
you deserve to live your life as your true authentic self!! i know it's rough but if they don't support you they don't deserve you. take a day and make sure to get their contact info off of your prescriptuons and other possible things, and look towards the future. you're going to be so much happier in skin you love, with an appearance that reflects who you truly are. you're very strong and your parents are horrible. my 10 year old daughter has started commenting on liking girls, and sometimes wishes she was a boy. i'm very careful to say i love her no matter what and if she truly wants to transition one day, i'll celebrate the birth of my son. i don't think it's likely (she isn't very feminine in the standard sense and kids are cruel and tease her about it so i think it may be that rather than feeling not at home with her gender). it is very confusing to think of, i'm not going to lie. but no parent should ever make their child feel unworthy or unloved. i just keep reassuring my child that they aren't weird, or strange, or anything else - they are just themself.
sorry i went on a bit of a rant - i just want you to see what a parent should be like. i'm so sorry yours have failed.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so back in late october i decided to finally start medically transitioning (18, ftm) now that im in college and away from my parents. ive been out for almost 6 years and they are not okay with it. my insurance explicitly denies trans healthcare and so i went with another healthcare service (shout out to plume!) and paid out of pocket for their membership and used goodrx for the actual prescription testosterone. i had the prescription sent to a pharmacy down the road. when my mom texted me i had a prescription ready, i thought she meant my anti-depressants had been refilled (she would notify my psychiatrist when i was low) so i asked which pharmacy. when she said she didn’t know because she thought *i* called in the prescription, i realized the pharmacy notified my mom of my t prescription. this happened because even though it’s a different location, all my info is on file and my mom’s number was the contact. i was unaware of that. i panicked and told her it was a uti prescription and i was just double checking the location because i wasnt familiar with the location im living in. a few days later my dad starts blowing up my phone telling me to call him while i’m at lunch and i had that gut feeling of “they know” so i stepped out and my dad asked why i lied. i said i was just trying to live my life. i didnt tell them because i knew this would be the reaction. aita for not telling them? because i know they were blindsided. i haven’t the slighest idea *how* they found out, my dad didn’t tell me. ive since been kicked out and collected all my belongings without interacting with my family:/
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so back in late october i decided to finally start medically transitioning (18, ftm) now that im in college and away from my parents. ive been out for almost 6 years and they are not okay with it. my insurance explicitly denies trans healthcare and so i went with another healthcare service (shout out to plume!) and paid out of pocket for their membership and used goodrx for the actual prescription testosterone. i had the prescription sent to a pharmacy down the road. when my mom texted me i had a prescription ready, i thought she meant my anti-depressants had been refilled (she would notify my psychiatrist when i was low) so i asked which pharmacy. when she said she didn’t know because she thought *i* called in the prescription, i realized the pharmacy notified my mom of my t prescription. this happened because even though it’s a different location, all my info is on file and my mom’s number was the contact. i was unaware of that. i panicked and told her it was a uti prescription and i was just double checking the location because i wasnt familiar with the location im living in. a few days later my dad starts blowing up my phone telling me to call him while i’m at lunch and i had that gut feeling of “they know” so i stepped out and my dad asked why i lied. i said i was just trying to live my life. i didnt tell them because i knew this would be the reaction. aita for not telling them? because i know they were blindsided. i haven’t the slighest idea *how* they found out, my dad didn’t tell me. ive since been kicked out and collected all my belongings without interacting with my family:/ [/INST] nta. i'm sorry your parents are such terrible people. i hope you find a safe place to live and be your true self. </s>
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AITA for not making a great first impression with my wife's new boss?
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my wife and i have a son(13m)" elliot". he is such a sweet kid and has been having trouble at school recently. we transferred him from private school to public and he has a nice group of friends. i picked him up from school this past week and he told me that a few kids were picking on him. i did intervene and had a meeting with the principal. the bullying stopped and elliot was happy to attend school.
my wife has been looking for a new job since last year after her company closed. she got an offer and started her new job last week. she talked the entire week about her new job, new boss, new coworkers and i am so happy for her. she told me that her boss had a son "tyler" elliot's age and was hoping that they could become friends. she came home on friday and asked elliot if he wanted to attend a birthday party for tyler. elliot quickly declined and told wife that he and tyler were never going to be friends.
my wife was not thrilled hearing that he did not want to attend the party and told elliot that it would look bad on her if he did not go. i spoke to my wife privately and told her that it was elliot's choice. i took elliot out for a nice dinner and movie while wife was at the party. when she came home, she was upset with me that i didn't talk elliot into attending the party. she blames me for not making the best first impression with her new job.
aita for not making a great first impression with my wife's new boss?
| 984 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sy9ad2/aita_for_not_making_a_great_first_impression_with/
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2022-02-22 00:29:07
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nta. if elliot was so quick to say that he and tyler wouldn't be friends, i'm guessing tyler is one of the bullies.
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uh, nta at all. it is messed up to try to use your kid to curry favors with your boss. clearly tyler makes your son uncomfortable in some way and they should not be forced together.
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nta, your wife’s boss is weird if they care that deeply about your child not attending their child’s birthday party.
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nta, but i have to ask. why would anyone expect a new hire employee to attend a birthday party for their kid?
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<<
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nta at all. you did the right thing in standing up for your son’s best wishes. your wife is ta for trying to pry him into going and getting upset. there’s so many other ways she can make a good impression on her boss without using her child.
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nta
protect your kid
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nta. your son is not a pawn to play. he had no obligation to attend a party to impress her boss.
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nta. if her boss cares that much, i can see where his son learned his bullying behavior from. its not you or your son's job to bolster her worklife. you need to have a long hard talk with your wife about the fact you're not going to force or agree to forcing your son to cozy up to her boss' kid, aka one of the kids who was bullying him.
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nta- your wife is for conflating her personal life with her professional life.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i have a son(13m)" elliot". he is such a sweet kid and has been having trouble at school recently. we transferred him from private school to public and he has a nice group of friends. i picked him up from school this past week and he told me that a few kids were picking on him. i did intervene and had a meeting with the principal. the bullying stopped and elliot was happy to attend school. my wife has been looking for a new job since last year after her company closed. she got an offer and started her new job last week. she talked the entire week about her new job, new boss, new coworkers and i am so happy for her. she told me that her boss had a son "tyler" elliot's age and was hoping that they could become friends. she came home on friday and asked elliot if he wanted to attend a birthday party for tyler. elliot quickly declined and told wife that he and tyler were never going to be friends. my wife was not thrilled hearing that he did not want to attend the party and told elliot that it would look bad on her if he did not go. i spoke to my wife privately and told her that it was elliot's choice. i took elliot out for a nice dinner and movie while wife was at the party. when she came home, she was upset with me that i didn't talk elliot into attending the party. she blames me for not making the best first impression with her new job. aita for not making a great first impression with my wife's new boss?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i have a son(13m)" elliot". he is such a sweet kid and has been having trouble at school recently. we transferred him from private school to public and he has a nice group of friends. i picked him up from school this past week and he told me that a few kids were picking on him. i did intervene and had a meeting with the principal. the bullying stopped and elliot was happy to attend school. my wife has been looking for a new job since last year after her company closed. she got an offer and started her new job last week. she talked the entire week about her new job, new boss, new coworkers and i am so happy for her. she told me that her boss had a son "tyler" elliot's age and was hoping that they could become friends. she came home on friday and asked elliot if he wanted to attend a birthday party for tyler. elliot quickly declined and told wife that he and tyler were never going to be friends. my wife was not thrilled hearing that he did not want to attend the party and told elliot that it would look bad on her if he did not go. i spoke to my wife privately and told her that it was elliot's choice. i took elliot out for a nice dinner and movie while wife was at the party. when she came home, she was upset with me that i didn't talk elliot into attending the party. she blames me for not making the best first impression with her new job. aita for not making a great first impression with my wife's new boss? [/INST] nta. if elliot was so quick to say that he and tyler wouldn't be friends, i'm guessing tyler is one of the bullies. </s>
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AITA for making light of my grandpa's unpleasant experience with horses?
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i (18f) took some horseback riding lessons and went riding for the first time this past week, and my parents and grandma went with me.
i was surprised grandma came but not grandpa. usually if one comes so does the other. i was told grandpa supports me but never wants to see a horse again.
i assume it had something to do with a story i'd heard about his military service that my dad told me a couple years back when i'd asked. i guess he served in a cavalry unit in an african conflict in the 60s/70s (they all left africa after the war), and apparently he must have done something wrong or disobeyed his superior officer at one point - he was spared any serious punishment but was disciplined by riding "under-tail" in the return journey, and then discharged.
i had asked what that means and it sounds like just being made to ride sort of upside down and backwards - facing backwards with some of your weight on the horse's lower back, a little more sprwaled than usual riding, but with your neck/head bent off the back of the horse and tucked around under the horse's tail. with a bind to keep you that way. i guess the horse still had no problem going back since it was surrounded by other riders in the normal upright position.
i never thought much of it, it sounded like a funny pose but i guess i could see how it's unpleasant when all your fellow servicemen arrive back proud and upright and you're in that position.
but when i was riding, at one point i sort of mimicked that position (the horse was standing still) and turned around on it and practiced balancing as my upper half was sort of bent down and around off its back for a second, and said "look i'm grandpa!" it was just meant to be a joke
but my grandma, who's usually hard to anger, got more angry than i've ever seen and said that's nothing to joke about and was a very serious thing.
i was kind of perplexed. compared to what can happen in a military this sounded very mild and the mental image is sort of funny. i guess maybe i could have known better since he wouldn't even come watch me ride, but how could just that have been enough to make him never want to see a horse again when he liked them before?
i said sorry and it was just a joke but i can tell she's still angry at me.
aita?
tl;dr mimicked a pose on a horse that my grandpa was apparently traumatized by, grandma thinks it crossed a line
| 1,026 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wgufu6/aita_for_making_light_of_my_grandpas_unpleasant/
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2022-08-05 12:38:55
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yta - now stay in the position, with your face on the horse's ass for several hours, while it continues to defecate and urinate. still a funny pose then? regardless, making a joke about somebody's traumatic experience is always an asshole move.
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you **do** understand it's a euphemism right?
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yta you don't need to understand why your grandfather was traumatized by being forced to ride like that to know that he *was* traumatized. it was really rude and thoughtless of you to mock his experience in front of your grandmother. you might try asking your grandmother to tell you the story again since you didn't grasp what was traumatizing about it from the first description you heard. my guess is that it was a form of torture that was intended to be both horrifically painful and deeply humiliating.
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> grandpa never wants to see a horse again.
end of story, right there -- ya shoulda known better.
> this sounded very mild and the mental image is sort of funny. i guess maybe i could have known better since he wouldn't even come watch me ride, but how could just that have been enough to make him never want to see a horse again when he liked them before?
1) don't assume you know the whole story of what happened, and 2) one man's task is another man's trauma. life hits us all differently and it's mean to mock someone's past like that, just because you think it sounds funny. read the room -- the one your grandpa wasn't standing in.
did you see [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/w5mnum/aita_for_yelling_at_my_husband_because_he_scared/?utm_medium=usertext&utm_source=reddit&utm_name=amitheasshole&utm_content=t3_wgpw8k) about the op traumatized by fire, and her husband who teased her with a lighter? replace "fire" for "horses" and you can see why grandma was mad: you're mocking her traumatized husband.
yep yta
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yta. i’m shocked that i haven’t seen the word “torture” in the comments because that’s literally what this was. being tied up in an uncomfortable position for hours while having your face defecated on is not a little “punishment” that caused some “embarrassment”.
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hahah trauma so funny
yta
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the poor guy was literally traumatised to the point of never wanting to be anywhere near a horse, and you decide to take the piss out of him, behind his back, to his wife. i’m pissed off for him. show some fucking respect.
yta
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yta... obviously the incident caused your grandpa trauma. by mimicking the position you were mocking his trauma. put yourself in his shoes for a moment. if you have had a traumatic experience how would you feel if someone mocked that trauma? sometimes even when we don't understand why something caused another person pain, the best route is compassion and sensitivity.
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grandma doesn’t *think* you crossed a line, she knows it. congratulations on upsetting your grandma you ah. yta and a jerk
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he didn't pose. he was bound. if you really want to get the full effect have someone bind you with your head next to a horse's butt. and then they can ignore you while the horse does it's business on your face. no matter how hard you try, you can't untie yourself. no matter how much you plead, no one else will help you. you might be in the position for hours, maybe even days. and all anyone ever does is laugh at you. do that, then maybe you will understand why yta
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (18f) took some horseback riding lessons and went riding for the first time this past week, and my parents and grandma went with me. i was surprised grandma came but not grandpa. usually if one comes so does the other. i was told grandpa supports me but never wants to see a horse again. i assume it had something to do with a story i'd heard about his military service that my dad told me a couple years back when i'd asked. i guess he served in a cavalry unit in an african conflict in the 60s/70s (they all left africa after the war), and apparently he must have done something wrong or disobeyed his superior officer at one point - he was spared any serious punishment but was disciplined by riding "under-tail" in the return journey, and then discharged. i had asked what that means and it sounds like just being made to ride sort of upside down and backwards - facing backwards with some of your weight on the horse's lower back, a little more sprwaled than usual riding, but with your neck/head bent off the back of the horse and tucked around under the horse's tail. with a bind to keep you that way. i guess the horse still had no problem going back since it was surrounded by other riders in the normal upright position. i never thought much of it, it sounded like a funny pose but i guess i could see how it's unpleasant when all your fellow servicemen arrive back proud and upright and you're in that position. but when i was riding, at one point i sort of mimicked that position (the horse was standing still) and turned around on it and practiced balancing as my upper half was sort of bent down and around off its back for a second, and said "look i'm grandpa!" it was just meant to be a joke but my grandma, who's usually hard to anger, got more angry than i've ever seen and said that's nothing to joke about and was a very serious thing. i was kind of perplexed. compared to what can happen in a military this sounded very mild and the mental image is sort of funny. i guess maybe i could have known better since he wouldn't even come watch me ride, but how could just that have been enough to make him never want to see a horse again when he liked them before? i said sorry and it was just a joke but i can tell she's still angry at me. aita? tl;dr mimicked a pose on a horse that my grandpa was apparently traumatized by, grandma thinks it crossed a line
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (18f) took some horseback riding lessons and went riding for the first time this past week, and my parents and grandma went with me. i was surprised grandma came but not grandpa. usually if one comes so does the other. i was told grandpa supports me but never wants to see a horse again. i assume it had something to do with a story i'd heard about his military service that my dad told me a couple years back when i'd asked. i guess he served in a cavalry unit in an african conflict in the 60s/70s (they all left africa after the war), and apparently he must have done something wrong or disobeyed his superior officer at one point - he was spared any serious punishment but was disciplined by riding "under-tail" in the return journey, and then discharged. i had asked what that means and it sounds like just being made to ride sort of upside down and backwards - facing backwards with some of your weight on the horse's lower back, a little more sprwaled than usual riding, but with your neck/head bent off the back of the horse and tucked around under the horse's tail. with a bind to keep you that way. i guess the horse still had no problem going back since it was surrounded by other riders in the normal upright position. i never thought much of it, it sounded like a funny pose but i guess i could see how it's unpleasant when all your fellow servicemen arrive back proud and upright and you're in that position. but when i was riding, at one point i sort of mimicked that position (the horse was standing still) and turned around on it and practiced balancing as my upper half was sort of bent down and around off its back for a second, and said "look i'm grandpa!" it was just meant to be a joke but my grandma, who's usually hard to anger, got more angry than i've ever seen and said that's nothing to joke about and was a very serious thing. i was kind of perplexed. compared to what can happen in a military this sounded very mild and the mental image is sort of funny. i guess maybe i could have known better since he wouldn't even come watch me ride, but how could just that have been enough to make him never want to see a horse again when he liked them before? i said sorry and it was just a joke but i can tell she's still angry at me. aita? tl;dr mimicked a pose on a horse that my grandpa was apparently traumatized by, grandma thinks it crossed a line [/INST] yta - now stay in the position, with your face on the horse's ass for several hours, while it continues to defecate and urinate. still a funny pose then? regardless, making a joke about somebody's traumatic experience is always an asshole move. </s>
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AITA for exposing my little brother's offensive TikTok videos to our parents?
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i (17) have a little brother (13) who has a tiktok (like all kids these days i guess). my parents gave him his own phone when he was 11, but he's only just been allowed to have his own social media that isn't monitored by our parents, meaning that they don't have his account passwords anymore (they did from 11-13) or his phone password, but he is expected to let them in if there's reason for them to.
i have been following my little brother on tiktok since he made his account. he asked me to make an account to follow him to get more attention, so i did. i occasionally check in on his account to make sure he's all good. i thought he was, but he's recently started making offensive and dumb content.
my brother used to be obsessed with a youtuber called jaystation, who uploads videos to scare kids where he pretends to contact dead celebrities, pretends to do dumb 3am challenges, etc. my brother realised these videos were fake, but he's also figured out that this is a good way to get followers.
he's been making videos where he pretends to contact dead celebrities, such as mac miller, michael jackson, and a bunch of other high profile deaths. i think this is really disgusting and immoral. i told him he needs to stop, and he basically laughed in my face. so i told our parents. they demanded he showed them his phone, and he didn't, so they demanded i showed them the videos on my phone, which i did. they were horrified and have made him delete his account (he had like 8k followers) and he's been banned from having his phone for two weeks.
my brother know isn't talking to me at all. he's furious and he thinks i did something dramatic because he is just scaring kids for clout. i told him it's still disrespectful and gross, but we're not getting anywhere. aita?
| 2,847 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f1blky/aita_for_exposing_my_little_brothers_offensive/
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2020-02-09 17:13:34
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nta but your parents need to talk to your brother instead of just shutting him down without a conversation. they're taking the easy way out if they don't put in the effort to educate him.
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yta. just because it's dumb and unfunny doesn't make it "immoral." when your title said "offensive" i was assuming he was tossing the n-bomb all over the place or something. it's tasteless, but most 13 year olds are tasteless. do you think he doesn't make similar jokes with his friends? he'll grow out of it, and making fun of specific dead celebrities isn't so wrongheaded that there's a need to intervene.
hell, i'm still 27 and i like to make a good david carradine joke, or tell my gf "if i'm not out of the bathroom in 15 minutes, assume i pulled an elvis"
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nta
your parents really should've kept track of what he was doing online, but that's a whole other can of worms.
i think you did the right thing informing your parents of your little brother's questionable videos. even if the videos we're ultimately fine (i'm very unsure about that, but hypothetically), you would be right to bring it up with your parents.
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yta. what was he really hurting? you got him banned from doing something he liked just because you found the humor to be tasteless....he's a teenage boy and i as an adult woman frankly find what he was going to be funny....i feel bad for him.
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info. why is this "offensive"? i think you are using that term rather loosely. when i think offensive i think of the kids saying racial slurs or posting videos of fights. stuff like that. am i not understanding something?
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yta, he really wasn't causing anyone harm. if the videos were bigoted then yea, tell them. but these videos sounded very harmless.
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yta. it's stupid and juvenile, but he wasn't hurting anyone.
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yta. so what, he pretends to be talking on the phone to dead celebrities? or conducting a seyance? not really seeing what the issue is.
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yta, some people here are acting like they didn't do anything stupid when they were 13. hell i even made stupid jokes when i was 13, i have two younger siblings (12 and 13) who do dumb stuff but in the end are ultimately harmless. unless he was doing something bigoted, what he's doing is not really hurting anyone, and just like everyone else, he'll probably grow out of it. you didn't get anything out of this situation except maybe make him resent you for something. it would've be fine if you had just voiced your opinion to him, but you've told on him to your parents and now you've gotten his phone taken away from him.
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yta
people who've responded n t a, can you please explain what was wrong with the videos he was making?
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.201556 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (17) have a little brother (13) who has a tiktok (like all kids these days i guess). my parents gave him his own phone when he was 11, but he's only just been allowed to have his own social media that isn't monitored by our parents, meaning that they don't have his account passwords anymore (they did from 11-13) or his phone password, but he is expected to let them in if there's reason for them to. i have been following my little brother on tiktok since he made his account. he asked me to make an account to follow him to get more attention, so i did. i occasionally check in on his account to make sure he's all good. i thought he was, but he's recently started making offensive and dumb content. my brother used to be obsessed with a youtuber called jaystation, who uploads videos to scare kids where he pretends to contact dead celebrities, pretends to do dumb 3am challenges, etc. my brother realised these videos were fake, but he's also figured out that this is a good way to get followers. he's been making videos where he pretends to contact dead celebrities, such as mac miller, michael jackson, and a bunch of other high profile deaths. i think this is really disgusting and immoral. i told him he needs to stop, and he basically laughed in my face. so i told our parents. they demanded he showed them his phone, and he didn't, so they demanded i showed them the videos on my phone, which i did. they were horrified and have made him delete his account (he had like 8k followers) and he's been banned from having his phone for two weeks. my brother know isn't talking to me at all. he's furious and he thinks i did something dramatic because he is just scaring kids for clout. i told him it's still disrespectful and gross, but we're not getting anywhere. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (17) have a little brother (13) who has a tiktok (like all kids these days i guess). my parents gave him his own phone when he was 11, but he's only just been allowed to have his own social media that isn't monitored by our parents, meaning that they don't have his account passwords anymore (they did from 11-13) or his phone password, but he is expected to let them in if there's reason for them to. i have been following my little brother on tiktok since he made his account. he asked me to make an account to follow him to get more attention, so i did. i occasionally check in on his account to make sure he's all good. i thought he was, but he's recently started making offensive and dumb content. my brother used to be obsessed with a youtuber called jaystation, who uploads videos to scare kids where he pretends to contact dead celebrities, pretends to do dumb 3am challenges, etc. my brother realised these videos were fake, but he's also figured out that this is a good way to get followers. he's been making videos where he pretends to contact dead celebrities, such as mac miller, michael jackson, and a bunch of other high profile deaths. i think this is really disgusting and immoral. i told him he needs to stop, and he basically laughed in my face. so i told our parents. they demanded he showed them his phone, and he didn't, so they demanded i showed them the videos on my phone, which i did. they were horrified and have made him delete his account (he had like 8k followers) and he's been banned from having his phone for two weeks. my brother know isn't talking to me at all. he's furious and he thinks i did something dramatic because he is just scaring kids for clout. i told him it's still disrespectful and gross, but we're not getting anywhere. aita? [/INST] nta but your parents need to talk to your brother instead of just shutting him down without a conversation. they're taking the easy way out if they don't put in the effort to educate him. </s>
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AITA for asking my father to change his wedding date?
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me (24f) and my husband (28m) got married 3 weeks ago. of course, my parents attended the weeding and while they are divorced from a few years ago, they accepted to both sit at the honor table with us and my hubby's parents. the ceremony was fantastic, took pictures and all was just fine, reception dinner started and everyone is having a blast and are smiling and then my father stands up for a speech (which is planned and fine).around the end of his speech, he says: "and i have a big announcement to share with you today...my wonderful girlfriend and i are getting married next year at the same date! so my daughter and i can share this very special date as a day to cherish and remember" ....what the ???? he never even asked me if it was ok to make his announcement during my wedding dinner...but that's not the only issue... issue really is that: he cheated on my mother with this woman he's going to marry. for months, if not years. my mother is sitting right beside him at my wedding (and she was classy enough to let us invite the gf at the wedding...). all my mother's family (my uncles/aunts/cousins) are attending our wedding...of course he created a commotion. my mother left the table, i was in shock to be honest as i couldn't believe he would announce that at this specific moment and thinks it was a good idea?! and my 2 brothers were not happy either. needless to say the mood was somehow ruined for the rest of the reception...i didn't talked to my father right away and didn't return his calls until a few days ago. he asked if i "got over it" and will stop being so childish and can be happy for them. and then asked if i could be moh. i said no as we planned to go on a trip for our first wedding anniversary (just decided that lol) and said that i want him to change the wedding date as i don't want to share my wedding anniversary with them. that it was supposed to be our very special day to my husband and i and that he already ruined it enough without having to get married on the exact same date. i also said that i will attend their wedding only if it's on any other day than my wedding anniversary date. then he said he was very disappointed and he thought i would be mature enough to just be happy about him being happy with his fiancee...clearly he thinks i ata...but really, aita here?!
| 230 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/opk0j2/aita_for_asking_my_father_to_change_his_wedding/
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2021-07-22 18:33:54
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nta. he can have his wedding any date he wants. you do not have to attend or celebrate it. you can go on vacation whenever you want.
he cheated on your mother. strike 1
he stole your thunder by announcing his marriage at your wedding. strike 2
he called you selfish and childish. strike 3
he's out
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nta. that was such a tacky, shitty thing to do at your wedding.
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good heavens, nta. your father is a real piece of work. everyone with an ounce of respect and class knows that you don't make any big announcements at someone else's event without their express permission. the details of this one make it even worse!
i definitely think you should boycott his wedding if he insists on having it the same day as yours. that's just tacky and narcissistic.
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nta
let me let you off the hook here. you don’t need to attend his wedding at all.
“dear dad,
due to your attention-seeking and tacky announcement at my wedding, i’m going to take some space to think about what kind of relationship i want with you, if at all. if and when i’m prepared to have a relationship with you, i’ll let you know.
also, since i will never be able to attend your wedding without reliving that awful moment at my own wedding when you caused an unnecessary scene and ruined everyone’s evening, please consider this my rsvp of no, regardless of the date.”
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nta what a selfish dad. made the day about him. and hurt your mom as well. i’d be livid. did he even apologize? it doesn’t sound like he’s at all remorseful.
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nta. wow, your dad is a real piece of work. if i was in your shoes, i would stop having any contact with him until he apologized. and i would most definitely not go to the wedding if he keeps it on the same day (or even the same week). that's some serious fucked up shit he pulled.
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sounds like someone is a narcissist....
nta.
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nta
i’d be tempted to attend his wedding and make some huge disruptive announcement at their reception. although it would be tough to top the doozy he pulled.
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so nta.
your father is so selfish... how could possibly think that it would ne okay to announce his wedding at yours, to get the same wedding date, to ask you to be the moh.... ?
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nta. but can i recommend you attend and give one hell of a toast at his wedding? if i could offer the following opening line....
“i remember when i found out gf was sleeping with my married father and my mom kicked him out so he settled down with gf......”
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me (24f) and my husband (28m) got married 3 weeks ago. of course, my parents attended the weeding and while they are divorced from a few years ago, they accepted to both sit at the honor table with us and my hubby's parents. the ceremony was fantastic, took pictures and all was just fine, reception dinner started and everyone is having a blast and are smiling and then my father stands up for a speech (which is planned and fine).around the end of his speech, he says: "and i have a big announcement to share with you today...my wonderful girlfriend and i are getting married next year at the same date! so my daughter and i can share this very special date as a day to cherish and remember" ....what the ???? he never even asked me if it was ok to make his announcement during my wedding dinner...but that's not the only issue... issue really is that: he cheated on my mother with this woman he's going to marry. for months, if not years. my mother is sitting right beside him at my wedding (and she was classy enough to let us invite the gf at the wedding...). all my mother's family (my uncles/aunts/cousins) are attending our wedding...of course he created a commotion. my mother left the table, i was in shock to be honest as i couldn't believe he would announce that at this specific moment and thinks it was a good idea?! and my 2 brothers were not happy either. needless to say the mood was somehow ruined for the rest of the reception...i didn't talked to my father right away and didn't return his calls until a few days ago. he asked if i "got over it" and will stop being so childish and can be happy for them. and then asked if i could be moh. i said no as we planned to go on a trip for our first wedding anniversary (just decided that lol) and said that i want him to change the wedding date as i don't want to share my wedding anniversary with them. that it was supposed to be our very special day to my husband and i and that he already ruined it enough without having to get married on the exact same date. i also said that i will attend their wedding only if it's on any other day than my wedding anniversary date. then he said he was very disappointed and he thought i would be mature enough to just be happy about him being happy with his fiancee...clearly he thinks i ata...but really, aita here?!
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me (24f) and my husband (28m) got married 3 weeks ago. of course, my parents attended the weeding and while they are divorced from a few years ago, they accepted to both sit at the honor table with us and my hubby's parents. the ceremony was fantastic, took pictures and all was just fine, reception dinner started and everyone is having a blast and are smiling and then my father stands up for a speech (which is planned and fine).around the end of his speech, he says: "and i have a big announcement to share with you today...my wonderful girlfriend and i are getting married next year at the same date! so my daughter and i can share this very special date as a day to cherish and remember" ....what the ???? he never even asked me if it was ok to make his announcement during my wedding dinner...but that's not the only issue... issue really is that: he cheated on my mother with this woman he's going to marry. for months, if not years. my mother is sitting right beside him at my wedding (and she was classy enough to let us invite the gf at the wedding...). all my mother's family (my uncles/aunts/cousins) are attending our wedding...of course he created a commotion. my mother left the table, i was in shock to be honest as i couldn't believe he would announce that at this specific moment and thinks it was a good idea?! and my 2 brothers were not happy either. needless to say the mood was somehow ruined for the rest of the reception...i didn't talked to my father right away and didn't return his calls until a few days ago. he asked if i "got over it" and will stop being so childish and can be happy for them. and then asked if i could be moh. i said no as we planned to go on a trip for our first wedding anniversary (just decided that lol) and said that i want him to change the wedding date as i don't want to share my wedding anniversary with them. that it was supposed to be our very special day to my husband and i and that he already ruined it enough without having to get married on the exact same date. i also said that i will attend their wedding only if it's on any other day than my wedding anniversary date. then he said he was very disappointed and he thought i would be mature enough to just be happy about him being happy with his fiancee...clearly he thinks i ata...but really, aita here?! [/INST] nta. he can have his wedding any date he wants. you do not have to attend or celebrate it. you can go on vacation whenever you want. he cheated on your mother. strike 1 he stole your thunder by announcing his marriage at your wedding. strike 2 he called you selfish and childish. strike 3 he's out </s>
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AITA for buying a dog to keep sister away?
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i want to preface this by saying i love my sister, but being around her constantly can be very draining. growing up, my sister was the smarter one, something my parents always reminded me of. she always got better grades, went to an ivy league school, and recently became a doctor. i'm happy with my life (i have a career teaching biology), but my dream career was to be a doctor too, something i unfortunately couldn't realise due to failing to get into medical school.
whenever my sister visits my house, she always talks about her job. i've tried to tell her that i don't appreciate her gloating about a career that i wish i had, but she never seems to listen.
i've always wanted a dog growing up, but i haven't been able to, due to my sisters fear of dogs. so after closing on a place of my own with my partner, we decided to buy a boxer, since we both love the breed. part of my motivation for buying a boxer was also to keep my sister away, due to her fear. my sister hasn't been able to visit due to this, and says that i'm a jealous person for doing what i did.
aita?
| 1,179 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/omv02z/aita_for_buying_a_dog_to_keep_sister_away/
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2021-07-18 17:23:50
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nta. you’re an adult. you wanted a dog. you bought a dog. not your fault if there is an added benefit
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this is close for me, but i’m gonna say nta. dogs are living things, and a big commitment, not a tool to get back at family members, even if your relationship sucks (and it sounds like it does). but it also sounds like you and your partner legit wanted a dog apart from your feelings about your sister, and you definitely don’t need to plan your life around her- she’s an adult and can deal with it.
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you might be ta for this jn some small way but i'm loving it. your sister sounds like she thinks very highly of herself with little to no self awareness because she almost gloats about her own accomplishments. and why shouldn't you have a dog if you've always wanted one? she may be a doctor but at least you're not irrationally terrified of dogs. 🤷♀️
nta, keep living a great life.
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nta
you wanted a dog and got a bonus. consider it a double win.
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nta you and your partner want a dog and you got a dog. your sister assumes it's all about her because she thinks everything is all about her! enjoy your dog, enjoy your life and let your sister pound sand.
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info: does your sister actually gloat about being a doctor and rub it in your face that you failed, or is she just talking about her job like a normal person?
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why did she call you jealous for using the dog to keep her out? how did she know that you were using the dog for that purpose?
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leaning yta. it sucks your sister was, or perhaps is the favorite, but it's not her fault that your parents pitted you against her. it sucks that she is scared of dogs so you couldn't have one as a kid, but it's not her fault because she didn't chose to have that fear. it sucks that she works your dream job, but it's not her fault that you weren't cut out for it or stopped striving for it. you wouldn't have been an asshole for getting a dog, but knowingly and intentionally choosing the breed she is most scared of as some sort of f-u to her because you've always envied her is asshole behavior.
you spent time talking about some of the wrongs your sister and her existence has caused you, but are light on the actual details of your relationship and the conversations that bother you. you also say she is gloating, but you don't actually include an example or further details for people to make their own judgment. for me, those lack of details make me hesitant to automatically declare your sister is also an asshole. she might be gloating or she might not be and your perception is off because you resent her.
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esh. you because one of your motivations for getting a dog was to "keep your sister away" and cause you 100% are jealous. sister sucks cause she was told her talking about work bothered you and she keeps doing it.
for clarification, is your sister really gloating about the job, or is she talking about work and you're so jealous that you just don't want to hear it? there's a big difference between the two.
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did your sister really expected you not to have a dog just because her visits?
she can invite you.
you can meet in a cafe.
etc.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
YTA
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ESH
| null | 0.243004 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i want to preface this by saying i love my sister, but being around her constantly can be very draining. growing up, my sister was the smarter one, something my parents always reminded me of. she always got better grades, went to an ivy league school, and recently became a doctor. i'm happy with my life (i have a career teaching biology), but my dream career was to be a doctor too, something i unfortunately couldn't realise due to failing to get into medical school. whenever my sister visits my house, she always talks about her job. i've tried to tell her that i don't appreciate her gloating about a career that i wish i had, but she never seems to listen. i've always wanted a dog growing up, but i haven't been able to, due to my sisters fear of dogs. so after closing on a place of my own with my partner, we decided to buy a boxer, since we both love the breed. part of my motivation for buying a boxer was also to keep my sister away, due to her fear. my sister hasn't been able to visit due to this, and says that i'm a jealous person for doing what i did. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i want to preface this by saying i love my sister, but being around her constantly can be very draining. growing up, my sister was the smarter one, something my parents always reminded me of. she always got better grades, went to an ivy league school, and recently became a doctor. i'm happy with my life (i have a career teaching biology), but my dream career was to be a doctor too, something i unfortunately couldn't realise due to failing to get into medical school. whenever my sister visits my house, she always talks about her job. i've tried to tell her that i don't appreciate her gloating about a career that i wish i had, but she never seems to listen. i've always wanted a dog growing up, but i haven't been able to, due to my sisters fear of dogs. so after closing on a place of my own with my partner, we decided to buy a boxer, since we both love the breed. part of my motivation for buying a boxer was also to keep my sister away, due to her fear. my sister hasn't been able to visit due to this, and says that i'm a jealous person for doing what i did. aita? [/INST] nta. you’re an adult. you wanted a dog. you bought a dog. not your fault if there is an added benefit </s>
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AITA for using a plumber my brother asked me not to use?
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on mobile.
i come from a family of real estate investors. between my mother, brother, and two sisters, we own 11 properties in our area; some are our primary residences and some are rentals. i own my primary residence and one rental property.
the other night, my brother texted our group chat to not use a specific plumber that we’ve all been using for years. i think the plumber is somehow related to my sil, think like her mother’s cousin’s ex husband. anyway, he’s always been great to use because of the relationship or that we have so many properties that he makes a good deal of money from our family. all my brother said was that he was on bad terms with the plumber at the moment and didn’t want it taken out on us.
yesterday (saturday), my tenant had a plumbing emergency. my tenant is a sweet, older lady who often keeps her grandkids. she’s never once been late on rent and is the ideal tenant. the house only has one bathroom, and this plumbing emergency took it out off commission.
i made a few phone calls, one of which was to the plumber my brother asked us not to use. that plumber was able to get there the quickest on a weekend and didn’t charge me his normal “weekend/emergency” rate. he fixed the problem and sent me the invoice.
it came up at a family brunch today and my brother was upset that i didn’t listen to him. i said his concern was valid that whatever bad blood is between him and the plumber could blow back on me, but it didn’t and it was more important to me for there to be a functioning bathroom in my rental than wait until a normal business day or pay an exorbitant amount for a weekend fix.
i don’t really think i did anything wrong, but my family says i should have listened to my brother. for extra context, he’s the oldest and ‘golden child’ and our father has passed away, amping his role as ‘man of the family.’
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uqhv3g/aita_for_using_a_plumber_my_brother_asked_me_not/
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2022-05-15 23:00:51
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nta. and i really want to know what happened between the plumber and your brother.
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nta, your brother wasn't clear in his communication. he tried to portray it as though he was looking out for you while in reality he was trying to restrict business from your family to the plumber because of his personal feud. additionally, it was an emergency and you had to do what you had to do.
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nta
it sounds like you did everything right.
your main priority was fixing the actual problem - so thanks for not being an ah landlord.
it sounds like your brother ought to elaborate on the nature of the bad blood between he and the plumber.
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[deleted]
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nta. it's your rental property, it's your decision. unless your brother cares to elaborate further on *why exactly* you shouldn't do business with him, then there's no real reason to do as he asks.
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my guess is that he told the plumber that your family would never do business with him again if he did not get his way on something.
unless he gives you a good reason you do not need to heed his advice.
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nta-
you're running a business, it is your own. your brother does not get to decide with which vendors you choose to contract.
absolutely nta
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nta. your brother seems to forget that you have a responsibility to your tenants first. he’s more focused on a grudge rather than ensuring a sweetold lady has working plumbing.
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nta
your brother's reason "we're on bad terms don't want it taken out on you" doesn't seem to apply to your relationship with this plumber.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: on mobile. i come from a family of real estate investors. between my mother, brother, and two sisters, we own 11 properties in our area; some are our primary residences and some are rentals. i own my primary residence and one rental property. the other night, my brother texted our group chat to not use a specific plumber that we’ve all been using for years. i think the plumber is somehow related to my sil, think like her mother’s cousin’s ex husband. anyway, he’s always been great to use because of the relationship or that we have so many properties that he makes a good deal of money from our family. all my brother said was that he was on bad terms with the plumber at the moment and didn’t want it taken out on us. yesterday (saturday), my tenant had a plumbing emergency. my tenant is a sweet, older lady who often keeps her grandkids. she’s never once been late on rent and is the ideal tenant. the house only has one bathroom, and this plumbing emergency took it out off commission. i made a few phone calls, one of which was to the plumber my brother asked us not to use. that plumber was able to get there the quickest on a weekend and didn’t charge me his normal “weekend/emergency” rate. he fixed the problem and sent me the invoice. it came up at a family brunch today and my brother was upset that i didn’t listen to him. i said his concern was valid that whatever bad blood is between him and the plumber could blow back on me, but it didn’t and it was more important to me for there to be a functioning bathroom in my rental than wait until a normal business day or pay an exorbitant amount for a weekend fix. i don’t really think i did anything wrong, but my family says i should have listened to my brother. for extra context, he’s the oldest and ‘golden child’ and our father has passed away, amping his role as ‘man of the family.’
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
on mobile. i come from a family of real estate investors. between my mother, brother, and two sisters, we own 11 properties in our area; some are our primary residences and some are rentals. i own my primary residence and one rental property. the other night, my brother texted our group chat to not use a specific plumber that we’ve all been using for years. i think the plumber is somehow related to my sil, think like her mother’s cousin’s ex husband. anyway, he’s always been great to use because of the relationship or that we have so many properties that he makes a good deal of money from our family. all my brother said was that he was on bad terms with the plumber at the moment and didn’t want it taken out on us. yesterday (saturday), my tenant had a plumbing emergency. my tenant is a sweet, older lady who often keeps her grandkids. she’s never once been late on rent and is the ideal tenant. the house only has one bathroom, and this plumbing emergency took it out off commission. i made a few phone calls, one of which was to the plumber my brother asked us not to use. that plumber was able to get there the quickest on a weekend and didn’t charge me his normal “weekend/emergency” rate. he fixed the problem and sent me the invoice. it came up at a family brunch today and my brother was upset that i didn’t listen to him. i said his concern was valid that whatever bad blood is between him and the plumber could blow back on me, but it didn’t and it was more important to me for there to be a functioning bathroom in my rental than wait until a normal business day or pay an exorbitant amount for a weekend fix. i don’t really think i did anything wrong, but my family says i should have listened to my brother. for extra context, he’s the oldest and ‘golden child’ and our father has passed away, amping his role as ‘man of the family.’ [/INST] nta. and i really want to know what happened between the plumber and your brother. </s>
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AITA for yelling at my neighbors for taking my dog out of my gated property
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hello reddit, i just made this account and made it just to ask this so get ready.
so i am a 26m and my wife is 24 and we have a 8 month old german shepard. he is the sweetest dog ever. but has a lot of drive. he is going to be a guard dog for our house and is in training for it. his name is cash and that’s what i will call him for the rest of this. so cash loves water, and apparently it could be bad how much he drinks. our trainers said to give him not as much water as it could affect training.
now that you ave a backstory let me tell you about wha happened last week. so we have close neighbors since we live in a neighborhood. don’t get me wrong i love our neighbors but sometimes they get on my nerves, they love cash which is fine since he doesn’t bite people he knows. last week i got off a long shift at work and really wanted to go to bed so i let my dog out onto the fenced area of my yard and took a nap knowing my wife would be home soon to take him on a walk. so i took a nap and when my wife got home she asked where the dog was so i aid the backyard. which she the said that the dog was gone. instantly i started to freak out but this dog is so important to me and i love him. so i went out to ask my neighbors if they have seen him which they replied with “oh he’s in our house it was hot out and he just loves the cool air.” relieved but mad i ask how much water they gave him (knowing that they have gave him lots of water before) they say “like two bottles not much.” as soon as i heard that i went off. saying that this was my dog and they don’t have the right to take him from my yard. and other stuff like that. when i brought cash back my wife was pissed saying that i embarrassed her. i feel terrible for making my wife feel bad but not fo what i said to my neighbors aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iomocb/aita_for_yelling_at_my_neighbors_for_taking_my/
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2020-09-08 03:55:16
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nta. if they were concerned, they should have knocked on your door. if you didn’t answer, a note saying where cash is for when you get home was the next step.
they had no right to just take him without some kind of notice to you.
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nta. you don't touch another person's dog.
entire movies have been written on this subject.
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nta but make sure your dog doesn't die of thirst...
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nta, just say your wife what they have done is ilegal, from stealing property (if you consider a animal a thing) or can even be see as kidnapping since your dog is part of your family (at least to me).
i'm sorry the other part of your family doesn't see this and is more worry of how she see herself in society.
also, a lot of bad people poison pet in some part of the world, so i would never let anyone feed my dog.
sorry if is bad redacted i'm not native english blob.
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nta they shouldn't be taking your dog without asking. i would go back and talk to them when you cool down. remind them that what they did was trespassing and warn them that if they do it again you'll be contacting the authorities.
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info - how hot was it outside? and did he have access to come indoors?
i ask as if they were genuinely concerned by his appearance thinking he was overheating plus the lack of available water (which is a reasonable assumption given they didn’t know about his water issue) they maybe thought they were doing a good deed. similar to when people see dogs in a hot car and smash the glass to get it out its genuinely accepted that this is the right course of action. i think depending on how feasible their concerns were makes a difference in your asshole status
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nta— your neighbors need to learn some boundaries.
on a side note: german shepherds already have the “guard dog” instinct; the most important thing is to train him not to be that dog 24/7. not doubting you or your trainer (or your pup), but i’ve worked at multiple vet clinics and have seen so many “guard” dog breeds (rottweilers, german shepherds, etc) that were trained too much to be guard dogs and not enough to not be aggressive.
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info: to be clear, they went onto your property and took your dog?
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while i think you are nta i do think you will regret your reaction. i would apologize for getting loud/angry with them but emphasize you were upset. let them know that waking up to being told your dog you love was missing upset and scared you hence your reaction. let them know you appreciate their concern but explain the fear it caused in you and the training.
again you don't have to do this but if you don't you will have damaged a relationship over a misunderstanding. they obviously care about your dog and they feel close to you and your wife. it is fair to establish boundaries but in the end if they can follow them you want them on your side. they will let you know when cash breaks out, will walk or feed him when you guys go on trips, you know nice neighbor things.
or they can say "fuck that guy" when they see cash trotting down the road after having escaped.
again, nta but you may regret the fallout.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hello reddit, i just made this account and made it just to ask this so get ready. so i am a 26m and my wife is 24 and we have a 8 month old german shepard. he is the sweetest dog ever. but has a lot of drive. he is going to be a guard dog for our house and is in training for it. his name is cash and that’s what i will call him for the rest of this. so cash loves water, and apparently it could be bad how much he drinks. our trainers said to give him not as much water as it could affect training. now that you ave a backstory let me tell you about wha happened last week. so we have close neighbors since we live in a neighborhood. don’t get me wrong i love our neighbors but sometimes they get on my nerves, they love cash which is fine since he doesn’t bite people he knows. last week i got off a long shift at work and really wanted to go to bed so i let my dog out onto the fenced area of my yard and took a nap knowing my wife would be home soon to take him on a walk. so i took a nap and when my wife got home she asked where the dog was so i aid the backyard. which she the said that the dog was gone. instantly i started to freak out but this dog is so important to me and i love him. so i went out to ask my neighbors if they have seen him which they replied with “oh he’s in our house it was hot out and he just loves the cool air.” relieved but mad i ask how much water they gave him (knowing that they have gave him lots of water before) they say “like two bottles not much.” as soon as i heard that i went off. saying that this was my dog and they don’t have the right to take him from my yard. and other stuff like that. when i brought cash back my wife was pissed saying that i embarrassed her. i feel terrible for making my wife feel bad but not fo what i said to my neighbors aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hello reddit, i just made this account and made it just to ask this so get ready. so i am a 26m and my wife is 24 and we have a 8 month old german shepard. he is the sweetest dog ever. but has a lot of drive. he is going to be a guard dog for our house and is in training for it. his name is cash and that’s what i will call him for the rest of this. so cash loves water, and apparently it could be bad how much he drinks. our trainers said to give him not as much water as it could affect training. now that you ave a backstory let me tell you about wha happened last week. so we have close neighbors since we live in a neighborhood. don’t get me wrong i love our neighbors but sometimes they get on my nerves, they love cash which is fine since he doesn’t bite people he knows. last week i got off a long shift at work and really wanted to go to bed so i let my dog out onto the fenced area of my yard and took a nap knowing my wife would be home soon to take him on a walk. so i took a nap and when my wife got home she asked where the dog was so i aid the backyard. which she the said that the dog was gone. instantly i started to freak out but this dog is so important to me and i love him. so i went out to ask my neighbors if they have seen him which they replied with “oh he’s in our house it was hot out and he just loves the cool air.” relieved but mad i ask how much water they gave him (knowing that they have gave him lots of water before) they say “like two bottles not much.” as soon as i heard that i went off. saying that this was my dog and they don’t have the right to take him from my yard. and other stuff like that. when i brought cash back my wife was pissed saying that i embarrassed her. i feel terrible for making my wife feel bad but not fo what i said to my neighbors aita? [/INST] nta. if they were concerned, they should have knocked on your door. if you didn’t answer, a note saying where cash is for when you get home was the next step. they had no right to just take him without some kind of notice to you. </s>
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AITA for calling my mom condescending and walking out of a family dinner over my thesis
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i (21m) have been working on my college thesis for the past few months and stress is starting to build up in me since there's only a month left until it is due. i've been really struggling with the research and due to covid, was not able to get help from the school's library. when march finally dawned on me, the stress and anxiety hit me like a freight train and i'm starting to not be able to sleep at nights due to the massive deadline gleaming over my shoulders.
&#x200b;
during dinner tonight, my dad brought up the fact that i'm in the middle of finalising my thesis, to which i reply that i'm still working on it. my mom on the other hand, starts reminding me the fact that the deadline is only 3 weeks away and there's still 4 chapters of quality writing that i have to write and so on. it's gotten so bad that i just asked her to not talk about it.
&#x200b;
my mom then starts shouting at me for not understanding what stress is and how its all psychologically made up and how she and my dad has the authority to know my progress and demand that i inform them of where i'm currently at. she then continues shouting at me about how i'm being heavily spoilt for having the audacity to tell them to not ask me about a project in college that she's funding me to go to. i then ask her if she could just be a bit nicer and having a more caring attitude instead of being a condescending asshole and thats when i feel like iata. she then continued to shout at me for only looking at my own self while she was the one funding my higher education. i then walked out and locked my bedroom to only hear shouting outside my door and how she called me a lunatic and easily stressed spoilt child to my dad.
&#x200b;
aita for calling her a condescending asshole and consequently ruining the family dinner?
| 4,171 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lwu0ge/aita_for_calling_my_mom_condescending_and_walking/
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2021-03-03 13:35:39
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nta/
she needs to talk to a professional or something, you need to move out, and really? obviously you're looking out for yourself when it comes to your education? just because they paid for college, they're not entitled to know everything you do or every detail of your project. it's not high school. you're an adult.
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nta but as someone who lectures at a university there are a couple of things you can do.
you could ask for an extension due to covid, and/or ask for a meeting with your supervisor. i supervise undergraduate dissertations and am offering extra support this year because, well **gestures broadly at everything**
you could get in touch with the library to ask if they can post or scan any books you need. google scholar will find a decent range of articles and you can use standard google search operators to narrow down the results returned (much less complicated than it might sound): https://support.google.com/websearch/answer/2466433?hl=en. in order to access some of these, you might need to log in using your institutional credentials.
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dinner was ruined the moment your mom started berating you. whether she has enough self-awareness to realize this or not, her attitude is only adding to your overall stress level. i’m not sure *how* she thought lecturing, belittling and using her financial power to beat you into submission would be helpful in this situation, but now here you are, on reddit, worrying if you *ruined family dinner* instead of, you know, focusing on your thesis. maybe you shouldn’t have called her an asshole, but you definitely were right to remove yourself from the situation. good luck with your paper! nta.
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she sounds emotionally out of control. nta
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nta your mom has some serious issues and should not take them out on you.
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nta
while i can understanding that she wants to be kept in the loop due to her investment in your education, she was overbearing and out of line. she has absolutely no right to berate you, and obvious no understanding or empathy towards the stress you're under.
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nta. fundamental rule of parenting; unconditional love.
if someones going to leer over your shoulder constantly reminding you that you owe them, human nature will automatically make you rebel.
best of luck with your thesis though, you got this!!!
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definitely nta.
i understand she wants to be clued in, but asking to talk about it later was not out of line. she's being waaay overbearing and needs to chill. if you asked politely, i feel she should have respected your wishes. though, i will admit there are two sides to every story.
parents: please recognize that your spawn grow up and that trying to parent them like they're children when they are young adults will only end with resentment. there is a point where your word is no longer law. disagreement is not disrespect. and privacy needs to be respected.
i feel you bro, i also have an overbearing mother. good luck.
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how horrible. i hope you're able to move out soon and not rely on them anymore. if their money comes with all this grief, you're better off on your own.
nta.
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holy shit bro, that is straight up financial/emotional abuse. sounds like your mother is trying to control you using finances, narcissistic qualities. so sorry you're going through this. you've definitely got a lot on your plate right now. does your dad stick up for you when she goes off like that? for now, just try to focus on your studies the best you can. i remember being in college and the workload was intense, and i never wanted to talk about any work i was doing until after it was finished.
this was an easy one. nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (21m) have been working on my college thesis for the past few months and stress is starting to build up in me since there's only a month left until it is due. i've been really struggling with the research and due to covid, was not able to get help from the school's library. when march finally dawned on me, the stress and anxiety hit me like a freight train and i'm starting to not be able to sleep at nights due to the massive deadline gleaming over my shoulders. &#x200b; during dinner tonight, my dad brought up the fact that i'm in the middle of finalising my thesis, to which i reply that i'm still working on it. my mom on the other hand, starts reminding me the fact that the deadline is only 3 weeks away and there's still 4 chapters of quality writing that i have to write and so on. it's gotten so bad that i just asked her to not talk about it. &#x200b; my mom then starts shouting at me for not understanding what stress is and how its all psychologically made up and how she and my dad has the authority to know my progress and demand that i inform them of where i'm currently at. she then continues shouting at me about how i'm being heavily spoilt for having the audacity to tell them to not ask me about a project in college that she's funding me to go to. i then ask her if she could just be a bit nicer and having a more caring attitude instead of being a condescending asshole and thats when i feel like iata. she then continued to shout at me for only looking at my own self while she was the one funding my higher education. i then walked out and locked my bedroom to only hear shouting outside my door and how she called me a lunatic and easily stressed spoilt child to my dad. &#x200b; aita for calling her a condescending asshole and consequently ruining the family dinner?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (21m) have been working on my college thesis for the past few months and stress is starting to build up in me since there's only a month left until it is due. i've been really struggling with the research and due to covid, was not able to get help from the school's library. when march finally dawned on me, the stress and anxiety hit me like a freight train and i'm starting to not be able to sleep at nights due to the massive deadline gleaming over my shoulders. &#x200b; during dinner tonight, my dad brought up the fact that i'm in the middle of finalising my thesis, to which i reply that i'm still working on it. my mom on the other hand, starts reminding me the fact that the deadline is only 3 weeks away and there's still 4 chapters of quality writing that i have to write and so on. it's gotten so bad that i just asked her to not talk about it. &#x200b; my mom then starts shouting at me for not understanding what stress is and how its all psychologically made up and how she and my dad has the authority to know my progress and demand that i inform them of where i'm currently at. she then continues shouting at me about how i'm being heavily spoilt for having the audacity to tell them to not ask me about a project in college that she's funding me to go to. i then ask her if she could just be a bit nicer and having a more caring attitude instead of being a condescending asshole and thats when i feel like iata. she then continued to shout at me for only looking at my own self while she was the one funding my higher education. i then walked out and locked my bedroom to only hear shouting outside my door and how she called me a lunatic and easily stressed spoilt child to my dad. &#x200b; aita for calling her a condescending asshole and consequently ruining the family dinner? [/INST] nta/ she needs to talk to a professional or something, you need to move out, and really? obviously you're looking out for yourself when it comes to your education? just because they paid for college, they're not entitled to know everything you do or every detail of your project. it's not high school. you're an adult. </s>
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AITA for causing my college neighbor to underperform on an exam and lose her scholarship?
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i live in college hall and we have individual rooms along a corridor that share a wall, and sound travels through that wall quite well. this semester my next door neighbor started dating this guy and they have very loud, expressive sex on a frequent basis which was very uncomfortable for me to have to listen to.
so i’ve started by trying to subtly hint that i can hear them by complaining about being able to hear other people and how bad soundproofing is in the building and all i’ve gotten is “hmm we didn’t notice that, it seems to be fine for us.” so then i figured they didn’t get the hint so i then i outright addressed the problem with them trying to be as tactful and respectful as i could but expressing my discomfort. they immediately sprung into discrediting me and saying they can never hear me or anyone through their wall and that i was making it up and accused me of fantasizing about their sex life (ew).
which led me to my next approach which is your standard blasting music as loud as possible for days on end. i live at the end of the corridor so there’s no one on the other side, so i know i’m only targeting them. i never do it past midnight since they never wake me up with their sex (i’m a heavy sleeper) so i didn’t want to go as far as disturbing their rest either, but during the day i pretty much constantly have it on. a few days in and i notice i’m getting glares from them when we run into each other in the communal space but they never addressed it and the sex continued (if anything worse than before i suspect in retaliation) so i continued.
well yesterday the guy stopped me in the hall and angrily confronted me saying his gf, my neighbor just messed up an exam (because of covid we take these online in our rooms) because she couldn’t concentrate with my music and thing is she’s on this scholarship program that requires her to get consistently high grades and with this blunder she got hers revoked for the rest of the year and possibly the next and she has been having a mental breakdown the whole day. i replied with a “sorry i thought it was okay since you guys said you never had a problem with soundproofing” and he called me petty demanded that i apologize but i refused.
privately i feel a little guilty about it, the noises they make are disturbing and inappropriate but it’s never affected my studies, and i know my neighbor has adhd so she’s probably already struggling quite a bit with concentration already and it’ll take her more to keep her grades up at such an impressive level but she was managing really well up until this. but i had no idea she had this exam on and if she had told me i would have backed off but i suspect she didn’t because that requires them actually acknowledging they can hear me and soundproofing is indeed a problem, so i’m still reluctant to make an apology.
| 1,626 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tf7zgl/aita_for_causing_my_college_neighbor_to/
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2022-03-16 03:15:34
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nta.
you summed it up perfectly - she didn’t ask for you to stop because it’d require acknowledging she was wrong for the loud sex. kind of makes me wonder if her bf is pushing her to continue the loud sex but of course we have no way of knowing this.
if anything they are the petty ones for not admitting they were wrong, apologizing and putting and end to the whole thing.
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nta. a bad exam doesn’t revoke a scholarship. she was in jeopardy long before your music started playing. you were also playing the music for days before she supposedly failed. all she had to do was ask you to turn it off before she took the test.
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nta, they gambled and lost. as they say, play stupid games win stupid prizes
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nta. they told you the soundproofing was fine.
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nta. if they had asked you, even once, to turn off your music i would give a different ruling. but they were too petty to admit they were wrong about the soundproofing. that's on them.
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nta. she caused herself to do poorly. she could have sucked it up, and asked you to turn it down while she took her exam.
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nta. you tried to reason with them. they wouldn't see reason. they didn't think to ask you to be quiet. they are victims of their own lack of consideration and pride.
it's also good that you feel bad. you didn't intend this outcome and are moved by the suffering of others. that's a mark for you not against. but don't feel too bad, they did this to themselves at the end of the day.
if someone runs up to punch you and breaks their hand do you apologize for being in the way of their fist? even if it didn't hurt you? you could but, i wouldn't.
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nta
they are just using you as a scapegoat for her poor performance in the exam.
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petty, but not an ahole. one exam shouldn't be enough to lose a scholarship, especially for just one class, assuming she's taking a full load. unless she was close to falling below the minimum required already and the one exam was enough to drop the average below that level. i suspect the girl was already close to falling below the standard and wants a scapegoat to blame for her failure. maybe she should have been studying instead of boinking her boyfriend.
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info: why did you put music on all day instead of just when you heard them have sex to mask the sound?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i live in college hall and we have individual rooms along a corridor that share a wall, and sound travels through that wall quite well. this semester my next door neighbor started dating this guy and they have very loud, expressive sex on a frequent basis which was very uncomfortable for me to have to listen to. so i’ve started by trying to subtly hint that i can hear them by complaining about being able to hear other people and how bad soundproofing is in the building and all i’ve gotten is “hmm we didn’t notice that, it seems to be fine for us.” so then i figured they didn’t get the hint so i then i outright addressed the problem with them trying to be as tactful and respectful as i could but expressing my discomfort. they immediately sprung into discrediting me and saying they can never hear me or anyone through their wall and that i was making it up and accused me of fantasizing about their sex life (ew). which led me to my next approach which is your standard blasting music as loud as possible for days on end. i live at the end of the corridor so there’s no one on the other side, so i know i’m only targeting them. i never do it past midnight since they never wake me up with their sex (i’m a heavy sleeper) so i didn’t want to go as far as disturbing their rest either, but during the day i pretty much constantly have it on. a few days in and i notice i’m getting glares from them when we run into each other in the communal space but they never addressed it and the sex continued (if anything worse than before i suspect in retaliation) so i continued. well yesterday the guy stopped me in the hall and angrily confronted me saying his gf, my neighbor just messed up an exam (because of covid we take these online in our rooms) because she couldn’t concentrate with my music and thing is she’s on this scholarship program that requires her to get consistently high grades and with this blunder she got hers revoked for the rest of the year and possibly the next and she has been having a mental breakdown the whole day. i replied with a “sorry i thought it was okay since you guys said you never had a problem with soundproofing” and he called me petty demanded that i apologize but i refused. privately i feel a little guilty about it, the noises they make are disturbing and inappropriate but it’s never affected my studies, and i know my neighbor has adhd so she’s probably already struggling quite a bit with concentration already and it’ll take her more to keep her grades up at such an impressive level but she was managing really well up until this. but i had no idea she had this exam on and if she had told me i would have backed off but i suspect she didn’t because that requires them actually acknowledging they can hear me and soundproofing is indeed a problem, so i’m still reluctant to make an apology.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i live in college hall and we have individual rooms along a corridor that share a wall, and sound travels through that wall quite well. this semester my next door neighbor started dating this guy and they have very loud, expressive sex on a frequent basis which was very uncomfortable for me to have to listen to. so i’ve started by trying to subtly hint that i can hear them by complaining about being able to hear other people and how bad soundproofing is in the building and all i’ve gotten is “hmm we didn’t notice that, it seems to be fine for us.” so then i figured they didn’t get the hint so i then i outright addressed the problem with them trying to be as tactful and respectful as i could but expressing my discomfort. they immediately sprung into discrediting me and saying they can never hear me or anyone through their wall and that i was making it up and accused me of fantasizing about their sex life (ew). which led me to my next approach which is your standard blasting music as loud as possible for days on end. i live at the end of the corridor so there’s no one on the other side, so i know i’m only targeting them. i never do it past midnight since they never wake me up with their sex (i’m a heavy sleeper) so i didn’t want to go as far as disturbing their rest either, but during the day i pretty much constantly have it on. a few days in and i notice i’m getting glares from them when we run into each other in the communal space but they never addressed it and the sex continued (if anything worse than before i suspect in retaliation) so i continued. well yesterday the guy stopped me in the hall and angrily confronted me saying his gf, my neighbor just messed up an exam (because of covid we take these online in our rooms) because she couldn’t concentrate with my music and thing is she’s on this scholarship program that requires her to get consistently high grades and with this blunder she got hers revoked for the rest of the year and possibly the next and she has been having a mental breakdown the whole day. i replied with a “sorry i thought it was okay since you guys said you never had a problem with soundproofing” and he called me petty demanded that i apologize but i refused. privately i feel a little guilty about it, the noises they make are disturbing and inappropriate but it’s never affected my studies, and i know my neighbor has adhd so she’s probably already struggling quite a bit with concentration already and it’ll take her more to keep her grades up at such an impressive level but she was managing really well up until this. but i had no idea she had this exam on and if she had told me i would have backed off but i suspect she didn’t because that requires them actually acknowledging they can hear me and soundproofing is indeed a problem, so i’m still reluctant to make an apology. [/INST] nta. you summed it up perfectly - she didn’t ask for you to stop because it’d require acknowledging she was wrong for the loud sex. kind of makes me wonder if her bf is pushing her to continue the loud sex but of course we have no way of knowing this. if anything they are the petty ones for not admitting they were wrong, apologizing and putting and end to the whole thing. </s>
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AITA for putting a ponytail in one of my baby’s hair whenever he would ask?
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im 17f and work at a daycare. theres this little boy tommy (either 2 or 3) that likes it when i put his hair in a ponytail. it all started when i took him to the potty after nap time and his hair was all in his face. i pinched it up with my fingers and said “oh no your hair is all in your face, you look silly!” when i let go of his hair he said “no i want my hair not in my eyes.” so i told him i cant keep holding his hair up but i can put a little hair tie in it. he said ok and for like 3 weeks hes been wanting me to put a hair tie in his hair, even though he got a haircut and his hair isn’t in his eyes anymore. i never ask him if he wants his hair up anymore, he tells me he “wants pony hair”
so tommy’s dad came in yesterday to pick him up and said “alright, who is doing this to his hair?” i said it was me and he always asks me to do it. he didnt really yell at me but he said aggressively “it was funny the first time but now its not. stop putting his hair up, he’s a boy and doesn’t need his hair tied. i don’t want him to start thinking its ok for boys to do this stuff.”
my heart dropped to my tummy and i felt so bad. i felt like i did something horrible. tommy started crying when his dad pulled the tie out of his hair and tossed it to my feet. once he left i started crying a bit because i felt so bad. i feel like i was just being sensitive but aita for doing this?
tommys mom is the one who usually comes to pick tommy up, and she never had a problem with it. she thought it was adorable.
| 369 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/su22kl/aita_for_putting_a_ponytail_in_one_of_my_babys/
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2022-02-16 17:55:31
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nta. dad is a bit of a misogynistic jerk. “oh no my boy has a slightly feminine aspect which means he’s never gonna be macho and that’s bad because that’s the only way i personally know how to self identify!”
even if having a pony tail in some way meant a biological boy was trans (it’s doesn’t) there’s nothing wrong with that.
jesus, this isn’t fragile masculinity, this is brittle masculinity.
i feel sorry for this kid as he grows up.
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umm... maybe his dad should take him for a haircut then. lots of little boys with long hair wear ponytails. nta. dad is a sexist ah for his comment and response. i'd just make sure to take it down before pick up time.
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**of course you're nta. tommy's father is a massive one, though, not only for his ridiculous belief that ponytails are gendered (i'm assuming that was his objection), but for being inappropriately aggressive and intimidating with a daycare teacher over a freaking ponytail meant to keep his child's hair out of his eyes.**
all else aside, you fixed tommy's hair for entirely practical reasons. if he didn't want you to pin his kid's hair back, he should get him a shorter haircut so it doesn't get in his eyes in the first place. i could argue all day about long hair and ponytails not being gendered (i have orthodox jews in my family who don't cut their sons' hair until they turn 3, and every one of those little boys, being raised with strict religious gender norms, runs around with tiny boy buns and ponytails, and no one thinks twice about it, lol); but the reality is that that's not even the central issue here. **this little boy was uncomfortable and asked for your help, and you fixed the situation. period.** if the fahter doesn't like it, he needs to find another solution so his kid can play and see comfortably.
furthermore, i would report him to your supervisor. no parent should be intimidating you like that. you were not "sensitive". you did your job, and he was aggressive with you. not okay.
you're nta, but he was, and very inappropriate in his behaviour towards you.
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nta tommy’s dad has some issues over gender identity. of course you have to respect his wishes but i feel bad for the kid and what he’ll have to go through if he wants to do other things his dad thinks aren’t appropriate for boys.
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nta and next time mom comes to get him make sure to apologize for putting his hair in a ponytail. that you were sorry for doing that and you knew he was a boy so you should have left his hair the way it is. i am willing to bet the mom will probably be very confused and try to find out what happened for you to say that considering you said she thought it was adorable.
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nta. you did something nice for a kid and sadly the kid's dad is a jerk.
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nta. tommy's body. tommy's hair. tommy's say.
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nta: you didn’t do it to be malicious or harmful. if you kept doing it against the fathers wishes that would be a different story. also, since when did tying your hair up become a gay thing ?
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nta.
you made the kid happy and the father has over reacted to something completely innocent. if the mom's never had an issue with it before hand whilst you've done it well i don't see how it's so bad.
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100% you’re nta; dad’s ta. periodt.
1) dad sounds unaccepting of the gender spectrum and needs to work on his own crap.
2) even if tommy isn’t fluid, plenty of str8 doodz have long hair. 🤷🏽♀️
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: im 17f and work at a daycare. theres this little boy tommy (either 2 or 3) that likes it when i put his hair in a ponytail. it all started when i took him to the potty after nap time and his hair was all in his face. i pinched it up with my fingers and said “oh no your hair is all in your face, you look silly!” when i let go of his hair he said “no i want my hair not in my eyes.” so i told him i cant keep holding his hair up but i can put a little hair tie in it. he said ok and for like 3 weeks hes been wanting me to put a hair tie in his hair, even though he got a haircut and his hair isn’t in his eyes anymore. i never ask him if he wants his hair up anymore, he tells me he “wants pony hair” so tommy’s dad came in yesterday to pick him up and said “alright, who is doing this to his hair?” i said it was me and he always asks me to do it. he didnt really yell at me but he said aggressively “it was funny the first time but now its not. stop putting his hair up, he’s a boy and doesn’t need his hair tied. i don’t want him to start thinking its ok for boys to do this stuff.” my heart dropped to my tummy and i felt so bad. i felt like i did something horrible. tommy started crying when his dad pulled the tie out of his hair and tossed it to my feet. once he left i started crying a bit because i felt so bad. i feel like i was just being sensitive but aita for doing this? tommys mom is the one who usually comes to pick tommy up, and she never had a problem with it. she thought it was adorable.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
im 17f and work at a daycare. theres this little boy tommy (either 2 or 3) that likes it when i put his hair in a ponytail. it all started when i took him to the potty after nap time and his hair was all in his face. i pinched it up with my fingers and said “oh no your hair is all in your face, you look silly!” when i let go of his hair he said “no i want my hair not in my eyes.” so i told him i cant keep holding his hair up but i can put a little hair tie in it. he said ok and for like 3 weeks hes been wanting me to put a hair tie in his hair, even though he got a haircut and his hair isn’t in his eyes anymore. i never ask him if he wants his hair up anymore, he tells me he “wants pony hair” so tommy’s dad came in yesterday to pick him up and said “alright, who is doing this to his hair?” i said it was me and he always asks me to do it. he didnt really yell at me but he said aggressively “it was funny the first time but now its not. stop putting his hair up, he’s a boy and doesn’t need his hair tied. i don’t want him to start thinking its ok for boys to do this stuff.” my heart dropped to my tummy and i felt so bad. i felt like i did something horrible. tommy started crying when his dad pulled the tie out of his hair and tossed it to my feet. once he left i started crying a bit because i felt so bad. i feel like i was just being sensitive but aita for doing this? tommys mom is the one who usually comes to pick tommy up, and she never had a problem with it. she thought it was adorable. [/INST] nta. dad is a bit of a misogynistic jerk. “oh no my boy has a slightly feminine aspect which means he’s never gonna be macho and that’s bad because that’s the only way i personally know how to self identify!” even if having a pony tail in some way meant a biological boy was trans (it’s doesn’t) there’s nothing wrong with that. jesus, this isn’t fragile masculinity, this is brittle masculinity. i feel sorry for this kid as he grows up. </s>
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AITA for storming to my room leaving the guests unattended and embarrassing my mom?
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background information:
i (15f) have a twin sister (15f). our personalities are very different, i am an introvert and really shy. my sister has this bubbly personality, an extrovert. we have an okay bond i guess… my mother always blames everything on my shyness and that it’s ruining my whole life. she also calls me lazy like my dad because i don’t have the personality from her (russian) family side. my father is very calm but he isn’t lazy at all. however my mother thinks calm = lazy. i am definitely not lazy either. i have good grades, high level gymnast and i also help my father a lot around the house, a lot more than my mother and my siblings but she always denies that. my sister gets above average grades. she is also really talented, is good at ice skating and is stronger than me.
aita situation:
yesterday evening my aunt (64f) and uncle (50m) came over. they are pretty distant family. it went well and i was having a good time until my uncle asked: “since you’re 15 now, do you have a job?” my mom spoke before me and said “no of course not op is so lazy, her sister luckily got my motivation and isn’t lazy”. i got like really mad, i told my mom how i am smarter and more athletic (i take more sports) than my sister. this was the first time i put my sister down. she however commented “i am already searching for a job unlike op who will always be shy and miserable”. i just ignored her because i had to give the guests some drinks. when i came back with the drinks my mom went on about how my sister helps her so much and is such a good daughter and babysitter. i went to my room at that point leaving the guests “unattended” because my sister didn’t want to anything, my mom forced her tho. i just cried in my room and maybe i overreacted but i was just so done with my mothers treatment and her just brushing it of as me being over sensitive. after 40 minutes i went back to have a good time with my family even though i was still really mad. my mom asked in russian (her native language) if i wanted to make her some tea, i told her in the language everyone understand that since my sister is so good at helping her, my sister can do it because i am not doing it. she got mad and forced me to make her tea which i eventually did.
after the guests left she got mad at me for embarrassing (?) her, leaving the guests unattended and that i am only thinking about myself. i told her that i am not going to help her until she starts appreciating my help because i do a lot (2/3 hours a day in vacation for only chores).
i am here because i want to make sure whether i am (not) the asshole.
| 1,468 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wa6156/aita_for_storming_to_my_room_leaving_the_guests/
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2022-07-28 10:15:10
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nta. it sounds like you're the family's scapegoat. maybe to show how much you really do for chores, go on a strike for chores. your mum obviously won't know because 'you don't help around the house.'
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a little bit for the comments about your sister.
your mother is the one insulting you, it's not your sisters fault that you mother is comparing you both.
your mother is ruining you and your sisters relationship for no reason, please don't let her.
leaving the guests was definitely fine and i'm quite shocked that your mother was more bothered that you embarrassed her and not bothered that you basically called your sister stupid in front of everyone. makes me think she's just mean and doesn't really have a favourite.
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so wait what? the lazy daughter went and got drinks, whilst the not lazy mother and not lazy daughter had to argue about who will tend to the guests after the lazy daughter left? maybe you should buy your mom a dictionary there seems to be a misunderstanding about the meaning of words. nta
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nta. your mother faced the natural consequence for cutting you down: embarrassment. she should have been embarrassed about her behaviour, but that doesn’t sound like it’s going to happen anytime soon. removing yourself from an abusive event shows strength.
it’s important to stop enabling the comparisons between you and your sister, both in your own mind and out loud to others. “when you call me names like that, you hurt my feelings. please stop.” —all about your reactions here.
also, unless you were physically forced to make tea, you might want to reconsider reinforcing her dominance over you at moments like this. she’s your mom, but it’s not her right to mistreat you.
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nta. you are not being appreciated.
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oh dear,
it's upsetting when loud, outgoing, annoying people think they're better than quite, thoughtful, introspective people.
also comparing two children never works well. it's normally hard on the one being talked up too.
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info: it seems like it could be a culture thing but why is "attending" to the guests your responsibility?
shes talking crap about how lazy you are while you're literally serving her guests for her... wtf
nta but your mum kinda is
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nta. your mother sounds like she belongs in a fairytale… as the villain.
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nta op but you need to stand your ground. you're very young and if this attitude isn't curbed from the very beginning, it'll only get worse with time. it seems like your twin is the golden child and you are the scapegoat. it's not fair on you. if i were you, i would start to secure myself and pave a way out towards independence once i became an adult.
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nta
that tea could have burned her. she is lucky that you aren't so lazy that it dropped in het lap. that would have been such a terrible accident.
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: background information: i (15f) have a twin sister (15f). our personalities are very different, i am an introvert and really shy. my sister has this bubbly personality, an extrovert. we have an okay bond i guess… my mother always blames everything on my shyness and that it’s ruining my whole life. she also calls me lazy like my dad because i don’t have the personality from her (russian) family side. my father is very calm but he isn’t lazy at all. however my mother thinks calm = lazy. i am definitely not lazy either. i have good grades, high level gymnast and i also help my father a lot around the house, a lot more than my mother and my siblings but she always denies that. my sister gets above average grades. she is also really talented, is good at ice skating and is stronger than me. aita situation: yesterday evening my aunt (64f) and uncle (50m) came over. they are pretty distant family. it went well and i was having a good time until my uncle asked: “since you’re 15 now, do you have a job?” my mom spoke before me and said “no of course not op is so lazy, her sister luckily got my motivation and isn’t lazy”. i got like really mad, i told my mom how i am smarter and more athletic (i take more sports) than my sister. this was the first time i put my sister down. she however commented “i am already searching for a job unlike op who will always be shy and miserable”. i just ignored her because i had to give the guests some drinks. when i came back with the drinks my mom went on about how my sister helps her so much and is such a good daughter and babysitter. i went to my room at that point leaving the guests “unattended” because my sister didn’t want to anything, my mom forced her tho. i just cried in my room and maybe i overreacted but i was just so done with my mothers treatment and her just brushing it of as me being over sensitive. after 40 minutes i went back to have a good time with my family even though i was still really mad. my mom asked in russian (her native language) if i wanted to make her some tea, i told her in the language everyone understand that since my sister is so good at helping her, my sister can do it because i am not doing it. she got mad and forced me to make her tea which i eventually did. after the guests left she got mad at me for embarrassing (?) her, leaving the guests unattended and that i am only thinking about myself. i told her that i am not going to help her until she starts appreciating my help because i do a lot (2/3 hours a day in vacation for only chores). i am here because i want to make sure whether i am (not) the asshole.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
background information: i (15f) have a twin sister (15f). our personalities are very different, i am an introvert and really shy. my sister has this bubbly personality, an extrovert. we have an okay bond i guess… my mother always blames everything on my shyness and that it’s ruining my whole life. she also calls me lazy like my dad because i don’t have the personality from her (russian) family side. my father is very calm but he isn’t lazy at all. however my mother thinks calm = lazy. i am definitely not lazy either. i have good grades, high level gymnast and i also help my father a lot around the house, a lot more than my mother and my siblings but she always denies that. my sister gets above average grades. she is also really talented, is good at ice skating and is stronger than me. aita situation: yesterday evening my aunt (64f) and uncle (50m) came over. they are pretty distant family. it went well and i was having a good time until my uncle asked: “since you’re 15 now, do you have a job?” my mom spoke before me and said “no of course not op is so lazy, her sister luckily got my motivation and isn’t lazy”. i got like really mad, i told my mom how i am smarter and more athletic (i take more sports) than my sister. this was the first time i put my sister down. she however commented “i am already searching for a job unlike op who will always be shy and miserable”. i just ignored her because i had to give the guests some drinks. when i came back with the drinks my mom went on about how my sister helps her so much and is such a good daughter and babysitter. i went to my room at that point leaving the guests “unattended” because my sister didn’t want to anything, my mom forced her tho. i just cried in my room and maybe i overreacted but i was just so done with my mothers treatment and her just brushing it of as me being over sensitive. after 40 minutes i went back to have a good time with my family even though i was still really mad. my mom asked in russian (her native language) if i wanted to make her some tea, i told her in the language everyone understand that since my sister is so good at helping her, my sister can do it because i am not doing it. she got mad and forced me to make her tea which i eventually did. after the guests left she got mad at me for embarrassing (?) her, leaving the guests unattended and that i am only thinking about myself. i told her that i am not going to help her until she starts appreciating my help because i do a lot (2/3 hours a day in vacation for only chores). i am here because i want to make sure whether i am (not) the asshole. [/INST] nta. it sounds like you're the family's scapegoat. maybe to show how much you really do for chores, go on a strike for chores. your mum obviously won't know because 'you don't help around the house.' </s>
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AITA for not inviting my parents and my brother to my wedding?
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hi everyone. i'll be using a throwaway here.
so i (23f) am getting married to my fiance (23m), who i met in college. most of his immediate and extended family will be there, as well most of my extended. however, i am only planning on inviting my younger (19f) sister to the wedding. this means that my mum (45), dad (47) and brother (25) will not be coming.
the reason for this is when i was younger (around 9) my parents rescued a golden retriever puppy from the shelter, named harry. my family quickly fell in love with harry, however, i feel as though my bond with him was extra special. this changed when my older brother began complaining about allergies, which we later found out was due to harry. my parents told us that we'd have to rehome harry, but assured us that he'd be going to a good home. i tried to convince them to give my brother medication for his allergy, but they told me that medication for dog allergies can have long lasting side effects. harry did go to a good home, but to say that i resented them for it would be an understatement, which was part of the reason for me going to college in the us (i am from the uk originally).
needless to say, my family didn't take the news lightly. when they asked me why, i explained to them that i hadn't forgiven them for rehoming harry, and that their presence would make things awkward for me. my parents are apparently really upset about this according to my older brother, who called me "evil" for doing what i'm doing, since my parents paid for my college tuition, as well as helping me pay the rent for my current apartment. my fiance says that it's up to me, and that if i don't want my family at my wedding, then he isn't going to disagree with me.
aita here?
| 1,030 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pjo0lw/aita_for_not_inviting_my_parents_and_my_brother/
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2021-09-07 14:21:18
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yta. go see someone. a 14 year grudge bc your brother was allergic?
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yta. normally i am 100% it’s your decision who to have at your wedding and it is still your choice but this is ridiculous. your reasoning is crap.
your brother was allergic to the dog and they rehomed him. they had to choose between the health and comfort of their literal child and keeping a dog in the house. staying mad that they chose the child is absurd. and you’re not inviting your brother to your wedding because he’s allergic to dogs aka something that’s entirely out of his control. the whole thing is just incredibly petty.
not to mention you were happy enough to take your parents money for tuition and rent but now that you’re getting married suddenly the grudge is back?
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yta. you are destroying your relationship because they needed to ensure that your brother wasn't sick in his own home. get over yourself. 🙄
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well. there is a lesson to be learned for op’s future husband. op doesn’t forgive and she doesn’t forget, and she will hold a grudge for years. annnnd she will *blame* people for things that are beyond their control.
there are some red flags here. too bad the intended seems to be wearing rose colored glasses.
yta. go get you a dog now that you are a grownup.
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yta. it’s not lost on me that you feel just enough antipathy toward them to not invite them to your wedding, but apparently it was never quite enough to prevent you accepting their money.
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yta
you're parents chose your brothers health over an adopted dog and you have a problem with that? there's so many people who havnt seen or talked to their parents in years because of childhood trauma and your issue is they gave away a dog because if made your brother sick.
you dont seem to have resentment problems when they keep writing checks for you. pay for your home and education. but all of a sudden you can't stand to see them.
your brothers right. you're evil.
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yta - allergies are not to be fucked around with. medication doesn’t always work, and people often find that it stops working later on because they get too used to it.
it’s weird that you think it’s okay to for your family to pay for your college tuition and apartment but you hate them enough to not bring them to the wedding. if you don’t want them at the wedding, that’s fine but you shouldn’t accept their financial help if you’re so upset about your dog being rehomed to a good family so your brother’s health wasn’t at risk.
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as someone with allergies, i'm gonna tell you now the meds take the edge off, and the more allergens there are the less they work. i am allergic to cats, so couldn't live with one.
when finding your brother had allergies, your parents had to choose between their child and the dog. they would be awful parents had they chosen the dog. instead they did the right thing and made sure the dog went to a good and loving home.
that said, it's your wedding and feelings don't follow logic, so you can invite anyone you want. in my opinion though, yta here i'm sorry. you don't have to invite them, but you're burning a bridge here and it doesn't sound like your family has done anything to deserve it.
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big yta i was expecting you to have a big falling out with them but they still support you financially. loosing a dog is shitty but your about to loose you mom dad and brother.
also your fiancé probably just agreeing with you because he doesn’t want to pay for disagreeing with you 14 years from now
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi everyone. i'll be using a throwaway here. so i (23f) am getting married to my fiance (23m), who i met in college. most of his immediate and extended family will be there, as well most of my extended. however, i am only planning on inviting my younger (19f) sister to the wedding. this means that my mum (45), dad (47) and brother (25) will not be coming. the reason for this is when i was younger (around 9) my parents rescued a golden retriever puppy from the shelter, named harry. my family quickly fell in love with harry, however, i feel as though my bond with him was extra special. this changed when my older brother began complaining about allergies, which we later found out was due to harry. my parents told us that we'd have to rehome harry, but assured us that he'd be going to a good home. i tried to convince them to give my brother medication for his allergy, but they told me that medication for dog allergies can have long lasting side effects. harry did go to a good home, but to say that i resented them for it would be an understatement, which was part of the reason for me going to college in the us (i am from the uk originally). needless to say, my family didn't take the news lightly. when they asked me why, i explained to them that i hadn't forgiven them for rehoming harry, and that their presence would make things awkward for me. my parents are apparently really upset about this according to my older brother, who called me "evil" for doing what i'm doing, since my parents paid for my college tuition, as well as helping me pay the rent for my current apartment. my fiance says that it's up to me, and that if i don't want my family at my wedding, then he isn't going to disagree with me. aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi everyone. i'll be using a throwaway here. so i (23f) am getting married to my fiance (23m), who i met in college. most of his immediate and extended family will be there, as well most of my extended. however, i am only planning on inviting my younger (19f) sister to the wedding. this means that my mum (45), dad (47) and brother (25) will not be coming. the reason for this is when i was younger (around 9) my parents rescued a golden retriever puppy from the shelter, named harry. my family quickly fell in love with harry, however, i feel as though my bond with him was extra special. this changed when my older brother began complaining about allergies, which we later found out was due to harry. my parents told us that we'd have to rehome harry, but assured us that he'd be going to a good home. i tried to convince them to give my brother medication for his allergy, but they told me that medication for dog allergies can have long lasting side effects. harry did go to a good home, but to say that i resented them for it would be an understatement, which was part of the reason for me going to college in the us (i am from the uk originally). needless to say, my family didn't take the news lightly. when they asked me why, i explained to them that i hadn't forgiven them for rehoming harry, and that their presence would make things awkward for me. my parents are apparently really upset about this according to my older brother, who called me "evil" for doing what i'm doing, since my parents paid for my college tuition, as well as helping me pay the rent for my current apartment. my fiance says that it's up to me, and that if i don't want my family at my wedding, then he isn't going to disagree with me. aita here? [/INST] yta. go see someone. a 14 year grudge bc your brother was allergic? </s>
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AITA for banning my mom from coming to my games anymore?
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my mom is gonna make me (15m)play baseball again and i hate it but what i hate more is the way she is @ my games.
i had to play baseball every season since i was 9 cause they wanted me in a sport. she goes to every game and fucking loses it. my mom screaming the whole time louder than other parents when it’s my turn to bat and if i get a strike or something i can just hear her screaming at me from the bleachers.
if i strike out she’ll literally come to the fence and we straight up argue and it’s embarrassing. every game she got me stressed cause i kno she gonna be yelling at me the whole time and it gives me stomach aches. i don’t wanna play nxt season if she gonna be going to my games.
my dad has said she gets excited and she promises she won’t tell me nothing but then at the actual games she screaming again. not cheering but screaming at me if i fuck up on something.
that’s what i told them if they’re gonna make me play then i don’t want her at my games. my mom got really mad at me and she can’t believe that i’m banning her. now she’s got all serious and quiet. my dad says i can’t punish her for being too enthusiastic abt my games n she only like that cause she loves watching me play and wants me to do better.
so idk i don’t trust she’s gonna keep her cool it’s like she becomes a different person at my games and i’m sick of it already. does that make me ta?
| 433 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mq529o/aita_for_banning_my_mom_from_coming_to_my_games/
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2021-04-13 15:52:03
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nta. your mom is one of those parents that we officials hate seeing at any sporting event. it's a shame that no one at the games has pulled her aside to have the talk. if your mom can't behave then banning is your only option.
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nta. talk to your coach about getting her banned. once an official bans her, she can't argue against that. i am sure that all of the other team members and parents will be glad to not see her there.
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nta. involve your coach if it's that bad. let them ban her instead of you. that's poor crowd sportsmanship and should not be tolerated.
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nta. i can absolutely see how embarrassing this is for you, especially coupled with the fact that you don’t even like baseball.
first off, if you don’t like baseball— you don’t need to continue playing to appease someone else. there’s plenty of other sports and activities out there that you may like better.
secondly, mom does sound like she’s overexcited and wants you to succeed but is going about it in entirely the wrong way and it’s obviously affecting you.
it seems you have two solid options here. option 1 is you don’t play baseball anymore and find something you do enjoy. option two is sitting down with mom and dad and explaining that her behavior embarrasses you (and the team likely) and as much as she thinks she’s helping, she’s simply not. so she can either contain herself at the games, or you’ll ask her not to attend.
if you’re going the conversation route, don’t do it when you’re already discussing baseball and you playing and tensions are high. bring it up at an entirely different time where everyone is relaxed and willing to listen to each other.
best of luck.
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nta at all. your mom needs to grow up and stop acting like a child. it's a sport. she shouldnt be forcing you to play either.
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nta
it may be worth remembering that while your mother can sign you up, and can make you show up, she can't make you cooperate or participate. you don't have to swing the bat at the ball. you don't have to run if you don't want to. you don't have to try to catch anything. you can tell the coach "no thanks, i don't want to play." control of your level of participation in baseball is ultimately yours, not your mother's.
you can also set consequences for her. "if you yell at me when it is my turn to bat, then the next time it is my turn to bat, i will not swing, but will let them strike me out. your bad behavior when i try but don't meet your standards will result in me not trying."
because your mother clearly *won't* behave if you ask, since *she never has before*. and banning her from the games may not be something that it is in your power to control - if she won't behave when asked, then why would she not show up because you asked? *you asking* is not something that changes her behavior. perhaps some other result from her behavior will change the situation.
if she loves baseball so much, she should find an adult amateur's team and play herself, not try to live through you playing. because she sounds like a lot of parents i've known, who loved an activity when they were young, no longer participate, and then express their frustration at loosing a beloved activity by trying to experience it through their child.
***"you clearly love baseball, and i don't. rather than you being frustrated because my baseball playing doesn't meet your standards, why don't you join a team, and i will go and cheer you on"*** may make both of you happier.
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nta. this is my dad to a t, my mom was loud but she was always positive and cheering for the team. my dad was always yelling at the refs, yelling at me, yelling just to yell just being an asshole, it was so embarrassing. once i was in a rec league that got mixed age ranges so i was 16 playing against 9 year olds it was a rec league for fun and he came in screaming his head off cause i wasnt playing hard defence on a kid and was giving them pointers. that was the last straw, i ended up making a huge scene throwing my jersey at his feet and telling him i quit basketball all together. i ended up picking up tennis, a sport he knows nothing about and never invited him to any of my matches. its been a while and its still a soar spot. parents like ours, suck all of the joy out of competing.
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nta.
i would just say you don't want to play any more. if they continue to force you, express how this makes you feel. you may even need to speak to you parents about how your mother makes you feel when she's at your games and what she does.
some people are good at sports and enjoy playing them, others don't. but what you're mother is doing is making it a worse experience.
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nta. is there a way for the coaches to actually ban her from the games? maybe then it would be less on you and more so, "you cause a disturbance to the other players and the other parents."
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mom is gonna make me (15m)play baseball again and i hate it but what i hate more is the way she is @ my games. i had to play baseball every season since i was 9 cause they wanted me in a sport. she goes to every game and fucking loses it. my mom screaming the whole time louder than other parents when it’s my turn to bat and if i get a strike or something i can just hear her screaming at me from the bleachers. if i strike out she’ll literally come to the fence and we straight up argue and it’s embarrassing. every game she got me stressed cause i kno she gonna be yelling at me the whole time and it gives me stomach aches. i don’t wanna play nxt season if she gonna be going to my games. my dad has said she gets excited and she promises she won’t tell me nothing but then at the actual games she screaming again. not cheering but screaming at me if i fuck up on something. that’s what i told them if they’re gonna make me play then i don’t want her at my games. my mom got really mad at me and she can’t believe that i’m banning her. now she’s got all serious and quiet. my dad says i can’t punish her for being too enthusiastic abt my games n she only like that cause she loves watching me play and wants me to do better. so idk i don’t trust she’s gonna keep her cool it’s like she becomes a different person at my games and i’m sick of it already. does that make me ta?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my mom is gonna make me (15m)play baseball again and i hate it but what i hate more is the way she is @ my games. i had to play baseball every season since i was 9 cause they wanted me in a sport. she goes to every game and fucking loses it. my mom screaming the whole time louder than other parents when it’s my turn to bat and if i get a strike or something i can just hear her screaming at me from the bleachers. if i strike out she’ll literally come to the fence and we straight up argue and it’s embarrassing. every game she got me stressed cause i kno she gonna be yelling at me the whole time and it gives me stomach aches. i don’t wanna play nxt season if she gonna be going to my games. my dad has said she gets excited and she promises she won’t tell me nothing but then at the actual games she screaming again. not cheering but screaming at me if i fuck up on something. that’s what i told them if they’re gonna make me play then i don’t want her at my games. my mom got really mad at me and she can’t believe that i’m banning her. now she’s got all serious and quiet. my dad says i can’t punish her for being too enthusiastic abt my games n she only like that cause she loves watching me play and wants me to do better. so idk i don’t trust she’s gonna keep her cool it’s like she becomes a different person at my games and i’m sick of it already. does that make me ta? [/INST] nta. your mom is one of those parents that we officials hate seeing at any sporting event. it's a shame that no one at the games has pulled her aside to have the talk. if your mom can't behave then banning is your only option. </s>
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AITA for telling my gf she was ruining other people’s flight?
| 974 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x24fxz/aita_for_telling_my_gf_she_was_ruining_other/
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2022-08-31 04:41:57
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yta
> we can smell it throughout the whole plane
but lasagna doesn't smell bad?
how is this a problem? she'll be done before you finish taxiing.
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yta
you have assumed the flight attendant was making a passive aggressive comment. i worked my way through college as a flight attendant. we don't make passive aggressive comments, we make assertive comments. "ma'am, i'm sorry but your food is making passengers ill throughout the plane. "
if the flight attendant wanted that food put away she would have said so. most likely two fas were preparing drinks and one said "omg i'm so hungry and do you smell that lasagna? i may go rip right out of the passenger's hands and eat it with my fingers."
don't be passive aggressive to the people you supposedly love and don't be mean to them either. frankly i'd have looked at you and chewed with my mouth open, then said "too bad".
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yta, where was she supposed to put it where it wouldn’t smell? eating it was the fastest way of removing the issue.
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"*ruining* everyone else's flight" was a dramatic way to put it, it's not like lasagna is an "infamously bad-smelling food" or anything, but it was still a pretty bad/dumb decision on her part. lasagna is kind of messy to eat, and i have no idea why she thought it would be a good "grab it at the last minute before boarding" item. when you're in a rush, you grab something quick, finger food, like a sandwich, wrap, (small, easy to eat) burger, etc. who tf orders *lasagna* to carry onto a plane?
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i’m going to say yta, softly. airlines no longer serve meals on most flights, so many passengers have to bring their own food on board. lasagna, pizza, or tacos are way better than fish in the “strong smell” category. i don’t think the flight attendant was being passive aggressive at all…she was just making an observation.
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yta. airlines constantly serve pasta or lasagna on flights (well, on those big international flights, if you’re lucky). it’s fine and you’re over reacting
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now i would never order airport lasagna but yta the flight attendant didn't say to put it away then it was fine, plus there are way worse smells that could be on that plane.
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yta!
how does lasagna ruin someone’s flight? maybe they were jealous they didn’t have any.
now seafood may be a different story.
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yta. people are allowed to bring food on a plane, especially now that they don’t provide any. if people are perturbed by the delicious smell of lasagna, because they didn’t get any, that’s their gd problem.
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i haven't flown on a trip long enough to warrant meals. but don't meals exist on planes all the time? i don't think lasagna is like fish or something in this scenario.
nah, you were just being considerate and she was hungry. but forreal don't people have full meals and alcohol on planes?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
| 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] yta > we can smell it throughout the whole plane but lasagna doesn't smell bad? how is this a problem? she'll be done before you finish taxiing. </s>
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AITA for accidentally seeing my neighbor change and asking them to close the window?
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context:
just beside my house is a small road, about the width of one and half cars. exactly opposite my house across the small road, is our neighbour's house. both houses are bungalows of 2 and a half storeys.
along the small road, there are multiple houses and a couple of empty plots. one empty plot is right beside the neighbour's house.
my bedroom balcony overlooks the small road. every night i smoke a cigarette and throw the butt across into the empty plot.
in our house there are two small landings on the stairs halfway between the ground and first floors, and the first and second floors. both these landings have large windows, which directly overlook our neighbour's house entrance, and two windows exactly above it on the first and second floors, one on each floor.
my neighbor has a few tenants. the first floor has a group of 20-25 aged people living, one guy and three girls. the window on the first floor, facing my house is one of their bedroom's windows.
incident:
my bedroom is on the second floor. so i go up and down the stairs all the time. most of the time the curtains on the staircase windows are closed, but recently there has been a rise in temperature, and the curtains were open for ventilation.
yesterday evening while climbing the stairs, i happened to glance outside the landing window, and saw one of the female tenants in the opposite house changing her clothes. as luck may have it, she glanced in my direction at the same moment. it was so unexpected, that i kind of missed a step. immediately i turned around and climbed the remaining stairs.
all of us family members use the stairs, and i closed the curtains later on, and informed my aunt and mother to not open the window curtains. when they asked me why i told them what had happened.
today morning, the neighbour ladies came over to complain to my mother and aunt about me. i happened to hear their fight and went down.
i told them that it was a mistake, and that i apologise for what happened. they wouldn't listen, and even told my mother that i smoke every night on my balcony, and try to peep into their bedroom. which is not true at all. i smoke late at night, when all lights have been switched off and stare into my phone the whole time. i guess they might have seen me some time.
my mother was expectedly very angry at me. i got angry at the whole situation, and said that if they were so worried, they should close the window before changing clothes. they said that it was their home, and they had the right to do what they want. it was a long argument.
so aita?
| 513 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pkevbf/aita_for_accidentally_seeing_my_neighbor_change/
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2021-09-08 17:17:53
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yta for tossing your butts into the empty yard. clean up after yourself ah. plus it’s a fire hazard. smokers don’t get a free littering pass. disgusting.
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yta
>every night i smoke a cigarette and throw the butt across into the empty plot.
put it in the bin asshole.
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nta- it happened once and your mom thinks your a serial peeping tom by her reaction. looking out a window while walking around your home is normal and not like you were lurking around waiting for action to happen.
they invented curtains for this reason and she needs to use them.
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yta
stop tossing cigarette butts asshole.
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nta for this scenario (you're definitely one for littering, it being an unused lot doesn't make it okay).
i'm a woman living in a 1 bedroom apartment at sidewalk level. the bedroom has the only large window and it's also the only window at all that's positioned in a way that allows much sun in.... but unfortunately it's the room adjacent to the sidewalk, so if i don't have the curtains closed, anyone walking by can see in. i have the right to do what i want in my own home, and i'd like to have privacy and not need curtains! but it's just not possible with the way the place is set up. your neighbors are in the same situation and, just like i've had to, they need to decide which is more important to them.
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>every night i smoke a cigarette and throw the butt across into the empty plot.
yta for littering and causing a fire hazard. i don't care if you think you put it out. you can't be sure unless you have **soaked** the butt in water. as someone whose neighborhood burned down due to wildfires caused by some asshole throwing a cigarette butt out of a car window, i can't even begin to tell you how much you suck right now. the asshole who started that wildfire thought he stubbed his butt out too. wasn't good enough. knock it off before you burn your house down.
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nta. if you don't want people seeing you undressed.....draw the blinds.....it's not rocket science.
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nta - if they don't want to be seen they should close the curtains.
side note, why don't you put your butts in a plant pot or something then throw them in the bin when they're cold rather than throwing them in the empty plot?
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yta don’t litter
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nta - if you don’t want to be seen when changing, close your curtains! 🤷♀️
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
| 1 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: context: just beside my house is a small road, about the width of one and half cars. exactly opposite my house across the small road, is our neighbour's house. both houses are bungalows of 2 and a half storeys. along the small road, there are multiple houses and a couple of empty plots. one empty plot is right beside the neighbour's house. my bedroom balcony overlooks the small road. every night i smoke a cigarette and throw the butt across into the empty plot. in our house there are two small landings on the stairs halfway between the ground and first floors, and the first and second floors. both these landings have large windows, which directly overlook our neighbour's house entrance, and two windows exactly above it on the first and second floors, one on each floor. my neighbor has a few tenants. the first floor has a group of 20-25 aged people living, one guy and three girls. the window on the first floor, facing my house is one of their bedroom's windows. incident: my bedroom is on the second floor. so i go up and down the stairs all the time. most of the time the curtains on the staircase windows are closed, but recently there has been a rise in temperature, and the curtains were open for ventilation. yesterday evening while climbing the stairs, i happened to glance outside the landing window, and saw one of the female tenants in the opposite house changing her clothes. as luck may have it, she glanced in my direction at the same moment. it was so unexpected, that i kind of missed a step. immediately i turned around and climbed the remaining stairs. all of us family members use the stairs, and i closed the curtains later on, and informed my aunt and mother to not open the window curtains. when they asked me why i told them what had happened. today morning, the neighbour ladies came over to complain to my mother and aunt about me. i happened to hear their fight and went down. i told them that it was a mistake, and that i apologise for what happened. they wouldn't listen, and even told my mother that i smoke every night on my balcony, and try to peep into their bedroom. which is not true at all. i smoke late at night, when all lights have been switched off and stare into my phone the whole time. i guess they might have seen me some time. my mother was expectedly very angry at me. i got angry at the whole situation, and said that if they were so worried, they should close the window before changing clothes. they said that it was their home, and they had the right to do what they want. it was a long argument. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
context: just beside my house is a small road, about the width of one and half cars. exactly opposite my house across the small road, is our neighbour's house. both houses are bungalows of 2 and a half storeys. along the small road, there are multiple houses and a couple of empty plots. one empty plot is right beside the neighbour's house. my bedroom balcony overlooks the small road. every night i smoke a cigarette and throw the butt across into the empty plot. in our house there are two small landings on the stairs halfway between the ground and first floors, and the first and second floors. both these landings have large windows, which directly overlook our neighbour's house entrance, and two windows exactly above it on the first and second floors, one on each floor. my neighbor has a few tenants. the first floor has a group of 20-25 aged people living, one guy and three girls. the window on the first floor, facing my house is one of their bedroom's windows. incident: my bedroom is on the second floor. so i go up and down the stairs all the time. most of the time the curtains on the staircase windows are closed, but recently there has been a rise in temperature, and the curtains were open for ventilation. yesterday evening while climbing the stairs, i happened to glance outside the landing window, and saw one of the female tenants in the opposite house changing her clothes. as luck may have it, she glanced in my direction at the same moment. it was so unexpected, that i kind of missed a step. immediately i turned around and climbed the remaining stairs. all of us family members use the stairs, and i closed the curtains later on, and informed my aunt and mother to not open the window curtains. when they asked me why i told them what had happened. today morning, the neighbour ladies came over to complain to my mother and aunt about me. i happened to hear their fight and went down. i told them that it was a mistake, and that i apologise for what happened. they wouldn't listen, and even told my mother that i smoke every night on my balcony, and try to peep into their bedroom. which is not true at all. i smoke late at night, when all lights have been switched off and stare into my phone the whole time. i guess they might have seen me some time. my mother was expectedly very angry at me. i got angry at the whole situation, and said that if they were so worried, they should close the window before changing clothes. they said that it was their home, and they had the right to do what they want. it was a long argument. so aita? [/INST] yta for tossing your butts into the empty yard. clean up after yourself ah. plus it’s a fire hazard. smokers don’t get a free littering pass. disgusting. </s>
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AITA for being mad at my BF for not telling me we’re having guests come over?
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i get home, i shower, i change into my comfy pj-like clothes and don’t put a bra on because i’m in the comfort of my own home. i’m chilling on the couch watching the new episode of my show. we never have guests over after work so i didn’t bother tidying up. all of the sudden, out of nowhere, the door opens and my bfs father and sister come running in to pet my dogs. i typically like to be dressed with at least a bra on so i can go greet my guests but i couldn’t get off the couch cauz i was covered in my blanket so these people don’t have to see me in that state, let alone my tits all over the place. i was livid so i confront my boyfriend in the vicinity of them but not directly in front of them (since i didn’t want them to see me like this). he thinks i’m the asshole for reacting the way i did. i think he’s the asshole for not giving me a quick heads up so i can get things in order before they got there. who’s the actual asshole here?
| 2,185 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c665b2/aita_for_being_mad_at_my_bf_for_not_telling_me/
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2019-06-27 14:25:16
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nta- common courtesy dictates a heads up.
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nta. your boyfriend is totally in the wrong here.
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nta- always give a heads up when people are coming over.
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nta — it was inconsiderate of him not to let you know prior to them visiting. is it really so hard?
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nta i would have felt like you.
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nta. common courtesy is a thing. you should tell people if you've invited someone to their home (whether you share that home or not)
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nta - of course he should have given you a heads up that there were people coming over. never mind the fact that you weren't dressed or that you didn't have a chance to neaten up, it's just common courtesy. i would be livid if my husband did this.
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[removed]
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nta-
he should’ve at least warned you so you could put a bra on
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nta and please show so this thread. i'd *love* to hear why he thinks it's unreasonable for you to be upset, because the opposite being true is **literally** one of the most common unwritten rules of courtesy.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i get home, i shower, i change into my comfy pj-like clothes and don’t put a bra on because i’m in the comfort of my own home. i’m chilling on the couch watching the new episode of my show. we never have guests over after work so i didn’t bother tidying up. all of the sudden, out of nowhere, the door opens and my bfs father and sister come running in to pet my dogs. i typically like to be dressed with at least a bra on so i can go greet my guests but i couldn’t get off the couch cauz i was covered in my blanket so these people don’t have to see me in that state, let alone my tits all over the place. i was livid so i confront my boyfriend in the vicinity of them but not directly in front of them (since i didn’t want them to see me like this). he thinks i’m the asshole for reacting the way i did. i think he’s the asshole for not giving me a quick heads up so i can get things in order before they got there. who’s the actual asshole here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i get home, i shower, i change into my comfy pj-like clothes and don’t put a bra on because i’m in the comfort of my own home. i’m chilling on the couch watching the new episode of my show. we never have guests over after work so i didn’t bother tidying up. all of the sudden, out of nowhere, the door opens and my bfs father and sister come running in to pet my dogs. i typically like to be dressed with at least a bra on so i can go greet my guests but i couldn’t get off the couch cauz i was covered in my blanket so these people don’t have to see me in that state, let alone my tits all over the place. i was livid so i confront my boyfriend in the vicinity of them but not directly in front of them (since i didn’t want them to see me like this). he thinks i’m the asshole for reacting the way i did. i think he’s the asshole for not giving me a quick heads up so i can get things in order before they got there. who’s the actual asshole here? [/INST] nta- common courtesy dictates a heads up. </s>
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AITA for telling my family they can't borrow my things anymore?
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for my whole life, when my family borrow things from me, they will always either return whatever they borrowed in worse condition, or i won't get it back at all. i hadn't confronted them on it because when they did it as a kid, it was stuff that was bought for me because obviously i didn't earn money as a kid. but as i grew older and started earning my own money to buy my stuff myself, it obviously has made me much more angrier. they have broken books, dvds, cds, mugs, my laptop, my tv, the list goes on and on. they haven't apologised for any of it, nor have they compensated me either.
the final straw is now that i have my own car, they use it when they are unable to use their own cars, and they do not take care of my car at all. they've taken one of the keys, broken the other key, broken part of my seat, popped two of my tyres, and it runs much worse every time after they use it. i cracked it and told them they aren't allowed to use any of my things anymore, especially my car. now, they are very pissed off at me, telling me i'm ungrateful because they do more chores than i do, telling me i'm an asshole, etc. and it's gotten to the point that they won't even look or talk to me. i know they are very manipulative and they are probably trying to make me feel like i'm the villain, but i need to know from outside sources, am i the asshole in this situation?
| 326 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rzlvbf/aita_for_telling_my_family_they_cant_borrow_my/
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2022-01-09 07:02:47
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nta.
this is *your* money *your* car and *your* things.
the entitlement few people have is insane.
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nta. lean into them not talking to you. if they’re ignoring you, they can’t ask about borrowing stuff.
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nta. in my belief system, if you borrow something, you just return it in the same or better condition. their behavior is disrespectful.
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nta. they're ruining all your possesions and you have every right to keep it to yourself
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[deleted]
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nta
how could you possibly be ta? they're *your* things. your family are completely in the wrong. even if there *were* a discussion to be had about chores, they can't unilaterally decide that you pay for you lack of chores with access to your belongings. that's madness.
move out as soon as you're able. rent is gonna be cheaper than it'll be fixing all the damage they do. yikes.
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hell nah you ain't the ah in this situation they blatantly disrespected your belongings and obviously have no regards for anyone but themselves. if you are old enough to move out i would suggest getting out asap.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NAH
| null | null | null | 0.001294 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for my whole life, when my family borrow things from me, they will always either return whatever they borrowed in worse condition, or i won't get it back at all. i hadn't confronted them on it because when they did it as a kid, it was stuff that was bought for me because obviously i didn't earn money as a kid. but as i grew older and started earning my own money to buy my stuff myself, it obviously has made me much more angrier. they have broken books, dvds, cds, mugs, my laptop, my tv, the list goes on and on. they haven't apologised for any of it, nor have they compensated me either. the final straw is now that i have my own car, they use it when they are unable to use their own cars, and they do not take care of my car at all. they've taken one of the keys, broken the other key, broken part of my seat, popped two of my tyres, and it runs much worse every time after they use it. i cracked it and told them they aren't allowed to use any of my things anymore, especially my car. now, they are very pissed off at me, telling me i'm ungrateful because they do more chores than i do, telling me i'm an asshole, etc. and it's gotten to the point that they won't even look or talk to me. i know they are very manipulative and they are probably trying to make me feel like i'm the villain, but i need to know from outside sources, am i the asshole in this situation?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for my whole life, when my family borrow things from me, they will always either return whatever they borrowed in worse condition, or i won't get it back at all. i hadn't confronted them on it because when they did it as a kid, it was stuff that was bought for me because obviously i didn't earn money as a kid. but as i grew older and started earning my own money to buy my stuff myself, it obviously has made me much more angrier. they have broken books, dvds, cds, mugs, my laptop, my tv, the list goes on and on. they haven't apologised for any of it, nor have they compensated me either. the final straw is now that i have my own car, they use it when they are unable to use their own cars, and they do not take care of my car at all. they've taken one of the keys, broken the other key, broken part of my seat, popped two of my tyres, and it runs much worse every time after they use it. i cracked it and told them they aren't allowed to use any of my things anymore, especially my car. now, they are very pissed off at me, telling me i'm ungrateful because they do more chores than i do, telling me i'm an asshole, etc. and it's gotten to the point that they won't even look or talk to me. i know they are very manipulative and they are probably trying to make me feel like i'm the villain, but i need to know from outside sources, am i the asshole in this situation? [/INST] nta. this is *your* money *your* car and *your* things. the entitlement few people have is insane. </s>
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WIBTA if I wore a suit at my own wedding
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i (32m) and my fiancé (31f) are getting married this winter in a couple days. we decided to have a nice snow-themed fun wedding where our kid (3m) and other children could play. we have decided to have a little wedding (50-100) so that it can be an extra special event that we only celebrate with family and close friends.
here is where the problem starts. my best friend is a professional suit-maker (or at least that is what he calls himself) and made me a perfectly fitting high-quality outfit for the wedding. my fiancé has a the most beautiful wedding gown i have ever seen. we look amazing together and are extremely excited for the wedding.
recently, my best friend (the suit maker) sadly passed two days ago, and his family is really sad. my suit was the last suit that he made, and his family wanted it so that he could have it buried with him. the wedding at this point is coming up and the suit already is my dream suit (and i already spent a lot of money buying it). i already feel stressed due to all the complications that come with having a wedding. i said to his family that i would be wearing the suit to the wedding but would return the suit after it is over.
his family are calling me an a-hole because it is apparently disrespectful to wear it to the party. they also said that the burial is before the wedding and that it wouldn't work.
so, wibta if i wore the suit?
| 333 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zawnou/wibta_if_i_wore_a_suit_at_my_own_wedding/
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2022-12-02 20:28:12
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nta. his family sounds...odd. it makes sense to honor your friend and his art by wearing something he crafted especially for you
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nta - your friend made you the suit for your wedding, not himself. i cannot imagine a better way to celebrate and honor his skill and friendship than to wear it to your wedding. i think returning the suit is a fair compromise after the wedding. the family is obviously dealing with a tragic loss, but he made it for you. i'd be hard pressed to think he didn't make himself a suit along the way that he would rather be buried in anyway.
|
ywnbta
why would they want him buried in a suit that he made to fit someone else? doesn't he have a suit he made for himself? this is so odd. it's your suit. keep it and wear it in his honor-- you're showing off his talent one last time.
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nta
it is not disrespectful for you to wear it. it is an honor for you and him as well. they are being selfish which is maybe understandable in their grief, but still, not right.
you wear it and you keep it afterward if you want to. he was your best friend. this is just my opinion because who am i to know this but, he would want you to have it forever.
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nta - it's your suit and you paid for it. let them be angry. you made a heartwarming gesture by even allowing them to have it when you're done. i'm so sorry for your loss. congratulations on your upcoming nuptials.
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hold the phone!!! you bought the suit and his fam just want you to give it to them???? you honour your friend by wearing his creation for your wedding. nta
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nta
it's your suit. it was in very bad taste for them to even ask.
you are honoring your friend by wearing it for you wedding. he made it just for you and you paid for it.
don't give it to them afterwards. they are disrespecting this man and his legacy. shame on them.
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nta- he made it for you! he would want want you to wear it!
his parents are grieveing and want to hold on to anything tangeable that reminds them of their son. if he was asuit maker, wouldn't he have more suits??? i mean he literally made it for you!
it would be a damn shame for you not to wear it and honor him at your wedding.
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nta, the suit-maker's family is way out of line here. that's your suit. it may be the last one he made, but *it's your suit.* do not cave into their emotional blackmail, do not let it ruin your wedding and respectfully tell them they are ruining his memory by acting this way. if he was a tailor, he likely has some very choice suits he made for himself. best of luck.
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nta. his family is bonkers to even suggest it. wear the suit to your wedding.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (32m) and my fiancé (31f) are getting married this winter in a couple days. we decided to have a nice snow-themed fun wedding where our kid (3m) and other children could play. we have decided to have a little wedding (50-100) so that it can be an extra special event that we only celebrate with family and close friends. here is where the problem starts. my best friend is a professional suit-maker (or at least that is what he calls himself) and made me a perfectly fitting high-quality outfit for the wedding. my fiancé has a the most beautiful wedding gown i have ever seen. we look amazing together and are extremely excited for the wedding. recently, my best friend (the suit maker) sadly passed two days ago, and his family is really sad. my suit was the last suit that he made, and his family wanted it so that he could have it buried with him. the wedding at this point is coming up and the suit already is my dream suit (and i already spent a lot of money buying it). i already feel stressed due to all the complications that come with having a wedding. i said to his family that i would be wearing the suit to the wedding but would return the suit after it is over. his family are calling me an a-hole because it is apparently disrespectful to wear it to the party. they also said that the burial is before the wedding and that it wouldn't work. so, wibta if i wore the suit?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (32m) and my fiancé (31f) are getting married this winter in a couple days. we decided to have a nice snow-themed fun wedding where our kid (3m) and other children could play. we have decided to have a little wedding (50-100) so that it can be an extra special event that we only celebrate with family and close friends. here is where the problem starts. my best friend is a professional suit-maker (or at least that is what he calls himself) and made me a perfectly fitting high-quality outfit for the wedding. my fiancé has a the most beautiful wedding gown i have ever seen. we look amazing together and are extremely excited for the wedding. recently, my best friend (the suit maker) sadly passed two days ago, and his family is really sad. my suit was the last suit that he made, and his family wanted it so that he could have it buried with him. the wedding at this point is coming up and the suit already is my dream suit (and i already spent a lot of money buying it). i already feel stressed due to all the complications that come with having a wedding. i said to his family that i would be wearing the suit to the wedding but would return the suit after it is over. his family are calling me an a-hole because it is apparently disrespectful to wear it to the party. they also said that the burial is before the wedding and that it wouldn't work. so, wibta if i wore the suit? [/INST] nta. his family sounds...odd. it makes sense to honor your friend and his art by wearing something he crafted especially for you </s>
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AITA for “excluding” the autistic kid from my birthday party?
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so my birthday party was this last weekend and i (now 18m) decided to invite my entire grade to the party except this annoying autistic kid named peter, here’s what i’ll say about him: he doesn’t understand basic social cues, he can’t control his voice and he talks extremely loud specially when he gets excited, he's extremely bright. he was in the gifted and talented at drawing in elementary and middle and took the maximum ap courses in freshman year, it doesn't affect him intellectually but it does socially, that’s about as well as i can speak about him, he’s an annoying unbearable douchebag and he’s been a pain in my goddamn ass for as long as i’ve known him, he used to steal my shit in middle school and cry when the teacher told him to give it back, up until a couple years ago he used to run around school singing in a high pitched voice, plus the dude looks like a tiger went ballistic on his face as a baby, the rule at the school goes that you have to invite the entire grade if you’re inviting most people but idc i invited everyone except him, the issue is my girlfriend and her brother understand where i’m coming from, but my other friend is calling me an asshole and saying thay i should have invited him and that’s bullying and we got into a fight over this.
| 164 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yskkvk/aita_for_excluding_the_autistic_kid_from_my/
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2022-11-11 19:35:11
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yta. if you want the entire class there...you have to invite the entire class. full stop. it’s not minus one just bc they annoy you. if it were a group of a few friends and the person wanted to tag along i’d say n t a. but you literally excluded him due to a disability he has no control over while inviting every other single person.
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yta. maybe small group one kid annoys you? sure, don’t invite him. but full grade, huge party, you more or less won’t need to interact with him much. plus excluding someone due to disability, and actions he can’t control, is incredibly ableist. the fact you even had to mention how he looks is gross, he’s just a teenager like you are.
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you don’t have to invite anyone you don’t want at your party. that is not what makes yta, the way you talked about this kid with an issue outside of his control and insulted his appearance, again, something he can’t control makes you ta. i hope age and experience teaches you empathy. you sound like a bully.
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yta. it seems you need an education on autism and neurodiversity. you don’t seem to care at all about his feelings but only that others may see you as an ah as well they should because excluding only him is an ah move and why the school literally has a policy against it
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yup. yta. i appreciate that you’re young but you sound a bit of an entitled bully. i can tell you straight off that navigating school as an autistic person truly sucks. it’s stressful and hideous. it’s like playing a game where you’re the only person who doesn’t understand the rules. and no, you can’t just learn them because they seem to keep changing. that stress can lead to all sorts of behaviours but tbh he seems to annoy you just by being different. please educate yourself and learn a bit of patience and empathy. i guarantee his life is significantly harder than yours. the world is a shitty enough place without any of us adding to it.
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yta
> so my birthday party was this last weekend and i (now 18m) decided to invite my entire grade to the party except this annoying autistic kid named peter, here’s what i’ll say about him: **he’s autistic.** ~~he doesn’t understand basic social cues, he can’t control his voice and he talks extremely loud specially when he gets excited, he's extremely bright. he was in the gifted and talented at drawing in elementary and middle and took the maximum ap courses in freshman year, it doesn't affect him intellectually but it does socially, that’s about as well as i can speak about him, he’s an annoying unbearable douchebag and he’s been a pain in my goddamn ass for as long as i’ve known him, he used to steal my shit in middle school and cry when the teacher told him to give it back, up until a couple years ago he used to run around school singing in a high pitched voice,~~
seriously, the crossed out part is literally a paragraph describing symptoms of autism. you didn’t invite him because he’s autistic. that’s all there is to it. and this part…
> plus the dude looks like a tiger went ballistic on his face as a baby
… just seals your fate. you’re just being mean. you wanted the clout of being the cool kid who had the whole grade at his birthday party without the inconvenience of actually being inclusive. i’m sure peter isn’t the only person in your grade you don’t particularly like, but they got invited. peter’s disability is what you didn’t invite.
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as an autistic myself, and someone with two autistic cousins, this hurts my heart. unless he’s a jerk he shouldn’t be excluded for being autistic.
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kinda off topic but
>i (now 18m)
&#x200b;
> the rule at the school goes that you have to invite the entire grade if you’re inviting most people
are you serious they implement this rule at 18 years of age?? how do they enforce this? who gets to decide what constitutes "most" people? i simply cannot imagine this being a legit rule in secondary school even, let alone when you are literally entering adulthood.
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the fuck is that tiger comment about? yta all day, kiddo.
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yta. are you really trying to say that you like all 49 other people except him enough to have them at a party? why not just... have a smaller party with just your friends? instead, you made a point of inviting everyone else.
he can't help his disability. singling him out like this is a massive ah move, especially the way you talk about him. the comments about his appearance are just cruel.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | null |
YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my birthday party was this last weekend and i (now 18m) decided to invite my entire grade to the party except this annoying autistic kid named peter, here’s what i’ll say about him: he doesn’t understand basic social cues, he can’t control his voice and he talks extremely loud specially when he gets excited, he's extremely bright. he was in the gifted and talented at drawing in elementary and middle and took the maximum ap courses in freshman year, it doesn't affect him intellectually but it does socially, that’s about as well as i can speak about him, he’s an annoying unbearable douchebag and he’s been a pain in my goddamn ass for as long as i’ve known him, he used to steal my shit in middle school and cry when the teacher told him to give it back, up until a couple years ago he used to run around school singing in a high pitched voice, plus the dude looks like a tiger went ballistic on his face as a baby, the rule at the school goes that you have to invite the entire grade if you’re inviting most people but idc i invited everyone except him, the issue is my girlfriend and her brother understand where i’m coming from, but my other friend is calling me an asshole and saying thay i should have invited him and that’s bullying and we got into a fight over this.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my birthday party was this last weekend and i (now 18m) decided to invite my entire grade to the party except this annoying autistic kid named peter, here’s what i’ll say about him: he doesn’t understand basic social cues, he can’t control his voice and he talks extremely loud specially when he gets excited, he's extremely bright. he was in the gifted and talented at drawing in elementary and middle and took the maximum ap courses in freshman year, it doesn't affect him intellectually but it does socially, that’s about as well as i can speak about him, he’s an annoying unbearable douchebag and he’s been a pain in my goddamn ass for as long as i’ve known him, he used to steal my shit in middle school and cry when the teacher told him to give it back, up until a couple years ago he used to run around school singing in a high pitched voice, plus the dude looks like a tiger went ballistic on his face as a baby, the rule at the school goes that you have to invite the entire grade if you’re inviting most people but idc i invited everyone except him, the issue is my girlfriend and her brother understand where i’m coming from, but my other friend is calling me an asshole and saying thay i should have invited him and that’s bullying and we got into a fight over this. [/INST] yta. if you want the entire class there...you have to invite the entire class. full stop. it’s not minus one just bc they annoy you. if it were a group of a few friends and the person wanted to tag along i’d say n t a. but you literally excluded him due to a disability he has no control over while inviting every other single person. </s>
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AITA for sleeping on the couch?
|
recently i (39f) was sleeping over at my bf’s (39m) home. his daughter (2f) was also spending the night with us. bf comes from a culture where co-sleeping is normal. on nights when he has his daughter, she sleeps with us.
on this particular evening a few weeks ago, daughter was a little wound up and was sleeping restlessly. in her sleep, she was continuously kicking an incision i have that is healed but still sore from a recent surgery. instead of waking the sleeping and innocent child or her father, i took my pillow and went to sleep on the couch. i figured it was the only way i could get a few hours of decent sleep and still be useful the next day.
here is the issue, when bf found me on the couch he was upset. i explained the reasoning and at first he seemed to accept and understand why i moved. a week or so later, the bf threw the event back in my face saying i moved because i dislike his daughter. that even mentioning that i was being kicked shows that i have negative intentions towards her now.
i am completely befuddled, as i was a kicker myself when i was little. my parents constantly moved themselves or me, when i was small and sleeping, so they wouldn’t wake up with bruises.
tl;dr aita for sleeping on the couch when my bf’s daughter was kicking my incision in her sleep?
| 1,304 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kynrv7/aita_for_sleeping_on_the_couch/
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2021-01-16 18:01:19
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nta. also, whats up with your bf?
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nta, makes perfect sense not to disturb her, him, nor putting up with pain? weird to bring it back up as something to verbally beat you up with, wth.
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not a chance of you being the asshole here.
the asshole move would have been for you to move the little girl and then bitch at your partner about it the next day, and demand that she sleep elsewhere from now on.
your reasoning for moving shows a hell of a lot of empathy and understanding.. shame your partner isn't extending the same kindness to you right now.
absolutely nta.
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nta. tell your bf that the fact that he doesn’t care about you having surgery incision pain means that he dislikes you.
when he looks at you and says “that doesn’t make sense,” respond with “neither do you.”
and leave.
he’s being a manipulative ass.
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nta and wtf? how does a person go from "she was kicking me in her sleep" to "you dislike her"? that's a bizarre inference.
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nta. your bf is being manipulative- big red flag. is this the first time he’s used your completely rational actions against you to get you to do what he wants?
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nta. i've moved to the sofa or spare room for a ton of reasons like i was sick, he was sick, he started snoring, i couldn't sleep, etc. i'm curious if he's mad about something else.
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nta, that sounds painful.
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yeah nta ever for doing something that you need, especially when it’s not hurting anyone. you removed yourself from a situation where you were not only being hurt but one that wasn’t helping you in any way. and that you didn’t wake him or his daughter shows that you’re compassionate and didn’t want to bother either of them when it was unnecessary. the fact that he got upset with you to begin with and then threw it back in your face are two red flags and you should be concerned. he should want you to be comfortable when you sleep, especially since he knows you had surgery recently. the fact that he wanted you to be uncomfortable for his and his daughters sake is super concerning because it shows that he doesn’t care about your needs.
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nta.
why is it that he accepted your explanation at first, but then turned around a week later and accused you of hating his daughter? something isn't right here. is someone trying to convince him that you're a bad person? maybe his ex? maybe even his family or friends. it wouldn't be the first time i hear about family/friends turning someone against their partner.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: recently i (39f) was sleeping over at my bf’s (39m) home. his daughter (2f) was also spending the night with us. bf comes from a culture where co-sleeping is normal. on nights when he has his daughter, she sleeps with us. on this particular evening a few weeks ago, daughter was a little wound up and was sleeping restlessly. in her sleep, she was continuously kicking an incision i have that is healed but still sore from a recent surgery. instead of waking the sleeping and innocent child or her father, i took my pillow and went to sleep on the couch. i figured it was the only way i could get a few hours of decent sleep and still be useful the next day. here is the issue, when bf found me on the couch he was upset. i explained the reasoning and at first he seemed to accept and understand why i moved. a week or so later, the bf threw the event back in my face saying i moved because i dislike his daughter. that even mentioning that i was being kicked shows that i have negative intentions towards her now. i am completely befuddled, as i was a kicker myself when i was little. my parents constantly moved themselves or me, when i was small and sleeping, so they wouldn’t wake up with bruises. tl;dr aita for sleeping on the couch when my bf’s daughter was kicking my incision in her sleep?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
recently i (39f) was sleeping over at my bf’s (39m) home. his daughter (2f) was also spending the night with us. bf comes from a culture where co-sleeping is normal. on nights when he has his daughter, she sleeps with us. on this particular evening a few weeks ago, daughter was a little wound up and was sleeping restlessly. in her sleep, she was continuously kicking an incision i have that is healed but still sore from a recent surgery. instead of waking the sleeping and innocent child or her father, i took my pillow and went to sleep on the couch. i figured it was the only way i could get a few hours of decent sleep and still be useful the next day. here is the issue, when bf found me on the couch he was upset. i explained the reasoning and at first he seemed to accept and understand why i moved. a week or so later, the bf threw the event back in my face saying i moved because i dislike his daughter. that even mentioning that i was being kicked shows that i have negative intentions towards her now. i am completely befuddled, as i was a kicker myself when i was little. my parents constantly moved themselves or me, when i was small and sleeping, so they wouldn’t wake up with bruises. tl;dr aita for sleeping on the couch when my bf’s daughter was kicking my incision in her sleep? [/INST] nta. also, whats up with your bf? </s>
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AITA for wanting to keep my dog even though the people dog sitting for me can give her a backyard and large house to run around in and more stability than I can
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my (now ex) girlfriend (26f) and i (27m) rescued a stray dog, roo, when we were living together, and trying to be reasonable, had a discussion about what would happen with her if we did end up breaking up. we both decided that it would be best if i kept her and when we did break up i kept her. i also plan on moving around, but most places i want to live would be great for a dog.
roo, is extremely energetic, but overall a really good dog. i was really excited to have her because i absolutely love dogs, and also because i have anxiety and overall motivation issues, and its been really good at forcing me to get out of the house and exercise and socialize where i normally wouldn't. i do live in an apartment and have a full-time job that requires leaving her alone for 6-8 hours a day, which obviously isn't the ideal situation for a dog, but many people make it work. she does really well with staying home.
due to covid, my job is on hold, but i was lucky enough to get offered a seasonal position as a commercial fisherman in alaska for the summer. i needed to find someone to watch roo while im up here, my ex said that she would be happy to watch her while i am in alaska.
my ex is back with at her parents house until she leaves for italy, and they have a relatively large 3 bedroom house with a decent sized backyard and another dog already there, though the other dog is much older and getting pretty slow. roo is unsurprisingly having a great time there with all the room to run around and use up all that energy.
my ex started off suggesting that her parents would be happy to keep roo until i moved back to hawaii, and when i said that she would do really well with me on the island too, she started saying that maybe her parents should just keep roo. when i said that i wasn't ok with that, she started going off and telling me that roo deserves a stable life where she can run around a backyard and go on walks and not move around or travel or be left in apartment while im at work, and then went as far as saying that she would take me to court over it if she had to.
i will admit that roo will undoubtedly have a better life overall at my ex's parents house, but i can still give her a damn good life. she's my best friend and my only family that isn't 2500+ miles away from me. i love this dog. also, when we took her in she looked like she was very mistreated, she was rail thin with scars all over, i am definitely giving her a better life than the one we rescued her from.
my first thought is that, telling me that i should give her up because her parents can afford to have the big house and backyard for her while i can't is akin to telling a single parent working full time that they should give their child up for adoption because a richer family can provide more than they can.
is this just me projecting?
| 1,001 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hi73p0/aita_for_wanting_to_keep_my_dog_even_though_the/
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2020-06-29 19:44:09
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nta. if you're the one who owns and raised her and loves her, that's worth more to an animal than a big house and backyard, provided you're diligent in getting her out walking and to the dog park for play outdoors. lots of apartment-dwellers raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted dogs (even some astonishingly big ones!)
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nta. that’s great that roo is currently being taken care of, it was really generous of them to do that, but she’s *your* dog. you and your ex agreed that in the event of your breakup, you would keep the dog. if she didn’t think that was a good idea, she shouldn’t have agreed to it.
now that her parents have taken the dog temporarily and gotten attached they feel entitled to it. but it’s still *your* dog. personally i would be concerned about them claiming ownership of the dog. make sure that you have all your papers in order and i really, *really* hope you have her microchipped with her info, because if your ex is threatening to take you to court then you could have a fight on your hands.
take screenshots of all your conversations with your ex, especially if she was stupid enough to say her parents should keep the dog. keep records of call logs to/from her and length of time, and keep records of all your care of roo: vet visits, records of anyone taking the dog for walks during the day (if you do that), as well as any pictures/videos you have of you and the dog together to prove ownership. have all your ducks in a row asap. also maybe consider getting someone else to watch her until you get back from alaska. good luck.
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nta there’s plenty of other ways to let your dog exercise/play outside besides having a backyard. if roo is happy & healthy in the current situation, why change it?
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nta. so now we have the post-breakup custody battle over the dog. (not that uncommon, really.)
it would have made more sense to hire dogsitters that had no relationship to your ex.
i don't know what to tell you to do at this point. by prior agreement, you got the dog in the event of a breakup. but, i bet you don't have that in writing.
go ahead and fight it in court if it comes to that. in the event that you lose, get yourself another dog but possibly a less energetic breed. size and breed characteristics matter a lot in how much free running a dog needs (of course, age does too). you're completely right in your observation that the dog has been for your physical and mental health.
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[deleted]
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i’m a little concerned by your statement that you plan to move around, but “most places” will be great for a dog. what about the ones that aren’t? will someone else have to take roo for an extended time each time you move to a place (like where you are now) that isn’t suitable for a dog?
imo, you need to either commit to only moving to places that will be good for your dog along with yourself, or let your ex’s parents keep her. it wouldn’t be good for roo to be bouncing around to foster homes while you satisfy your urge to wander.
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nah
sounds like you and ex both want the dog to have a happy and healthy life. if the dog gets plenty of exercise and enrichment with you it is still a good life in an apartment. potentially have someone drop in on the dog during 8 hour days to walk or play for a minute to let out pent up energy.
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info: when you're at work for 6-8 hours does she stay in the house alone? or do you have someone come walk her/do you take her to a dog daycare or something?
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yta for leaving a high-energy dog alone in an apartment for 6-8 hours a day.
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yta
you state yourself roo would have an overall better life with them.
do what’s best for the dog not you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NAH
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.390791 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (now ex) girlfriend (26f) and i (27m) rescued a stray dog, roo, when we were living together, and trying to be reasonable, had a discussion about what would happen with her if we did end up breaking up. we both decided that it would be best if i kept her and when we did break up i kept her. i also plan on moving around, but most places i want to live would be great for a dog. roo, is extremely energetic, but overall a really good dog. i was really excited to have her because i absolutely love dogs, and also because i have anxiety and overall motivation issues, and its been really good at forcing me to get out of the house and exercise and socialize where i normally wouldn't. i do live in an apartment and have a full-time job that requires leaving her alone for 6-8 hours a day, which obviously isn't the ideal situation for a dog, but many people make it work. she does really well with staying home. due to covid, my job is on hold, but i was lucky enough to get offered a seasonal position as a commercial fisherman in alaska for the summer. i needed to find someone to watch roo while im up here, my ex said that she would be happy to watch her while i am in alaska. my ex is back with at her parents house until she leaves for italy, and they have a relatively large 3 bedroom house with a decent sized backyard and another dog already there, though the other dog is much older and getting pretty slow. roo is unsurprisingly having a great time there with all the room to run around and use up all that energy. my ex started off suggesting that her parents would be happy to keep roo until i moved back to hawaii, and when i said that she would do really well with me on the island too, she started saying that maybe her parents should just keep roo. when i said that i wasn't ok with that, she started going off and telling me that roo deserves a stable life where she can run around a backyard and go on walks and not move around or travel or be left in apartment while im at work, and then went as far as saying that she would take me to court over it if she had to. i will admit that roo will undoubtedly have a better life overall at my ex's parents house, but i can still give her a damn good life. she's my best friend and my only family that isn't 2500+ miles away from me. i love this dog. also, when we took her in she looked like she was very mistreated, she was rail thin with scars all over, i am definitely giving her a better life than the one we rescued her from. my first thought is that, telling me that i should give her up because her parents can afford to have the big house and backyard for her while i can't is akin to telling a single parent working full time that they should give their child up for adoption because a richer family can provide more than they can. is this just me projecting?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (now ex) girlfriend (26f) and i (27m) rescued a stray dog, roo, when we were living together, and trying to be reasonable, had a discussion about what would happen with her if we did end up breaking up. we both decided that it would be best if i kept her and when we did break up i kept her. i also plan on moving around, but most places i want to live would be great for a dog. roo, is extremely energetic, but overall a really good dog. i was really excited to have her because i absolutely love dogs, and also because i have anxiety and overall motivation issues, and its been really good at forcing me to get out of the house and exercise and socialize where i normally wouldn't. i do live in an apartment and have a full-time job that requires leaving her alone for 6-8 hours a day, which obviously isn't the ideal situation for a dog, but many people make it work. she does really well with staying home. due to covid, my job is on hold, but i was lucky enough to get offered a seasonal position as a commercial fisherman in alaska for the summer. i needed to find someone to watch roo while im up here, my ex said that she would be happy to watch her while i am in alaska. my ex is back with at her parents house until she leaves for italy, and they have a relatively large 3 bedroom house with a decent sized backyard and another dog already there, though the other dog is much older and getting pretty slow. roo is unsurprisingly having a great time there with all the room to run around and use up all that energy. my ex started off suggesting that her parents would be happy to keep roo until i moved back to hawaii, and when i said that she would do really well with me on the island too, she started saying that maybe her parents should just keep roo. when i said that i wasn't ok with that, she started going off and telling me that roo deserves a stable life where she can run around a backyard and go on walks and not move around or travel or be left in apartment while im at work, and then went as far as saying that she would take me to court over it if she had to. i will admit that roo will undoubtedly have a better life overall at my ex's parents house, but i can still give her a damn good life. she's my best friend and my only family that isn't 2500+ miles away from me. i love this dog. also, when we took her in she looked like she was very mistreated, she was rail thin with scars all over, i am definitely giving her a better life than the one we rescued her from. my first thought is that, telling me that i should give her up because her parents can afford to have the big house and backyard for her while i can't is akin to telling a single parent working full time that they should give their child up for adoption because a richer family can provide more than they can. is this just me projecting? [/INST] nta. if you're the one who owns and raised her and loves her, that's worth more to an animal than a big house and backyard, provided you're diligent in getting her out walking and to the dog park for play outdoors. lots of apartment-dwellers raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted dogs (even some astonishingly big ones!) </s>
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AITA for not letting my step mum be buried with my dad?
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when i(24m) was very young my dad was diagnosed with cancer. he survived but it was very close and my mum bought a 3 person burial site in our local cemetery just in case he died so that one day we could be buried together.
about 5 years after his cancer scare my mum died in an accident at work. pretty much immediately after my step mum came into the picture. it was pretty clear from the get go that she was only interested in dad because of mum life insurance plus the accidental death payout. she had 2 kids from prior marriages(dad was her third). my dad was devastated from losing mum and i think he just saw my step mum as an easy person to comfort him. i absolutely do not blame his for the shit she put me through.
my preteen and teen years sucked because of her, i was continuously bullied by her kids and her, i wasn't allowed to join sports teams or socialize after school. if i wasn't studying then i was cleaning and if i protested then i would go without meals.
my dad died about 8 years after mum did and my step mum immediately kicked me out. i was only 15 at the time. there was a huge fight over my dads assets because he left almost everything to me.
long story short she has just died. her children have approached me and asked that she be buried next to dad and mum. i have refused. they're now lambasting me all over sm and to mutual friends accusing me of being mean and that she was dads wife and should be buried next to him. aita here?
| 15,005 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jy1a9u/aita_for_not_letting_my_step_mum_be_buried_with/
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2020-11-21 00:45:33
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nta. she made it clear by kicking you out as a child that you are not her family. why should she be buried next to yours?
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nta
that's your plot. they have no right to demand it and should have no expectation you would give it to a woman who kicked you out as a 15 year-old orphan.
my guess is they just don't want to buy their mother a plot.
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[removed]
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nta. that is a family plot allocated prior to their marriage. had he any intention of being buried with her, your dad would have taken the means to do so. ignore them, block them, whatever. you have done nothing wrong. it's not her resting place.
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even cinderella’s stepmother didn’t kick her out of the house. nta. i’m sorry for everything you went through growing up.
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nta. your mom purchased the plots specifically for the three of you. you don’t owe your stepmom anything.
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nta - i’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with so much by 24. i can’t imagine how difficult it’s been.
no, you aren’t t a. those plots are for you, your mum and your dad.
there’s not a fourth available.
did you manage to protect all the assets rightfully left to you?
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nta your bio-parents made their requests pretty clear when they got the three of you plots together. your dad had years to update his wishes if he had wanted to. at this point the decision is yours and you are allowed to make it however you want. given how things went between all of you, i agree with your sentiment and encourage you to stay strong.
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nta - the plot next to your parents is already taken
if she wanted to be buried next to him, she could have bought a spot next to him years ago. she didn’t, so apparently she didn’t really care
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nta. your mother bought the gravesites. she would not have felt the need to supply a gravesite to a woman who mistreated her child.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: when i(24m) was very young my dad was diagnosed with cancer. he survived but it was very close and my mum bought a 3 person burial site in our local cemetery just in case he died so that one day we could be buried together. about 5 years after his cancer scare my mum died in an accident at work. pretty much immediately after my step mum came into the picture. it was pretty clear from the get go that she was only interested in dad because of mum life insurance plus the accidental death payout. she had 2 kids from prior marriages(dad was her third). my dad was devastated from losing mum and i think he just saw my step mum as an easy person to comfort him. i absolutely do not blame his for the shit she put me through. my preteen and teen years sucked because of her, i was continuously bullied by her kids and her, i wasn't allowed to join sports teams or socialize after school. if i wasn't studying then i was cleaning and if i protested then i would go without meals. my dad died about 8 years after mum did and my step mum immediately kicked me out. i was only 15 at the time. there was a huge fight over my dads assets because he left almost everything to me. long story short she has just died. her children have approached me and asked that she be buried next to dad and mum. i have refused. they're now lambasting me all over sm and to mutual friends accusing me of being mean and that she was dads wife and should be buried next to him. aita here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
when i(24m) was very young my dad was diagnosed with cancer. he survived but it was very close and my mum bought a 3 person burial site in our local cemetery just in case he died so that one day we could be buried together. about 5 years after his cancer scare my mum died in an accident at work. pretty much immediately after my step mum came into the picture. it was pretty clear from the get go that she was only interested in dad because of mum life insurance plus the accidental death payout. she had 2 kids from prior marriages(dad was her third). my dad was devastated from losing mum and i think he just saw my step mum as an easy person to comfort him. i absolutely do not blame his for the shit she put me through. my preteen and teen years sucked because of her, i was continuously bullied by her kids and her, i wasn't allowed to join sports teams or socialize after school. if i wasn't studying then i was cleaning and if i protested then i would go without meals. my dad died about 8 years after mum did and my step mum immediately kicked me out. i was only 15 at the time. there was a huge fight over my dads assets because he left almost everything to me. long story short she has just died. her children have approached me and asked that she be buried next to dad and mum. i have refused. they're now lambasting me all over sm and to mutual friends accusing me of being mean and that she was dads wife and should be buried next to him. aita here? [/INST] nta. she made it clear by kicking you out as a child that you are not her family. why should she be buried next to yours? </s>
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AITA For asking my professor to fix my grade?
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i'm in college and everyone in my major has to take an art course.
art isn't everyone's forte and about everyone but me in the class hates art. i took art all in hs and even took ap art and passed the ap exam. im not the best artist, but im good enough and know all the vocab and rules.
we recently got back our grades for our 2nd project of the course. art is graded fairly subjectively so you never know what grade your exactly going to get. i barely got an a, but as i was reading through my grades i noticed she took off 5 points she shouldn't have (submitting an idea/inspiration sheet, which i did).
i wanted to get this fixed because on the next project if i don't do as well, these points can save me from a grade drop. plus i did the work, so in my mind i deserve the points. it was just an honest grading mistake.
so i took it to the teacher at the end of the class and she noticed and recognized the mistake. but instead of changing it she told me i was doing much better than anyone else in the class. apparently everyone has cs and lower. like 70 is the average grade or something ridiculous. while that sucks, i don't see how that's relevant to my grade. she basically told me to suck it up and not worry about it. i tried reasoning with her, but her conclusion was that in comparison to my class i was fine.
my classmates found out i asked her, someone probably overheard, and are calling me an a-hole because i don't need the points and im just trying to be a dick. but like, it's a grade that matters to me and it will effect my gpa so why shouldn't i care about getting the grade i deserve. the teacher won't even change it for some reason, but i think that's ridiculous. my friends are saying it's my right to correct the wrong grading because the professor did make a mistake. my boyfriend says im being selfish and that an a is an a who cares. i care :(
i'm not trying to be a dick, but i just want the grade i deserve. what do you all think?
| 946 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fbna8y/aita_for_asking_my_professor_to_fix_my_grade/
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2020-03-01 02:14:52
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nta
i don't see how it is relevant what other people in the class are making. if the professor made a mistake she should fix it.
that said, this isn't a hill to die on. i wouldn't try to go over her head, just try to keep up your standard of work.
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> the teacher won't even change it for some reason, but i think that's ridiculous.
go to the dean with the syllabus and requirements and any proof that you have that you turned this in.
nta. let your classmates whine. they're perfectly capable of going to the same teacher about their grades, and unless your entire class is graded on a curve, the marks you get don't even affect theirs.
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nta but....i'd drop it. from what you wrote of your experience plus the comments from the teacher, it seems you'll be fine in terms of your grade. just keep doing the work and you should be fine.
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nta, your professor has made a simple error and you’re not really in the wrong here. you’re not an asshole for trying to prevent your grade dropping due to someone else’s mistake.
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nta. i hate teachers like this. had a prof like this last semester. she refused to give out 100 points but also wouldn't give reasons for taking 2 points off my grades for thing half the time. it was infuriating. i disputed her remark once and asked her to fix the grade because of it and she said it was just a learning opportunity and not why i lost the points. but there were no other remarks.
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nta. you deserve the points you worked for. if the prof acknowledged the mistake, they should fix the grade. your classmates are just pissed that you're blowing the curve.
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nta however you might want to find out if this professor is one who grades on a curve. if so standard practice is to bump the highest grade in the class to a 100% and adjust the rest of the classes grades accordingly. so if you get say a 90 and are bumped up 10% to a 100 someone who would be failing at a 60 would now have a passing grade of 70.
if the professor does not grade on a curve take the problem to the dean and get the credit you deserve.
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nah. you're not wrong for wanting the grade you deserve and earned. but the professor was trying to tell you it's all getting curved in the end, and you're setting that curve. this means you're getting an a no matter what and giving you 5 points now would not help you get further ahead but it would put others further behind. the other students are mad because they want to get decent grades after the curve.
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nta i’m both an illustrator and a teacher and i would never, ever do this to a student.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| null | 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm in college and everyone in my major has to take an art course. art isn't everyone's forte and about everyone but me in the class hates art. i took art all in hs and even took ap art and passed the ap exam. im not the best artist, but im good enough and know all the vocab and rules. we recently got back our grades for our 2nd project of the course. art is graded fairly subjectively so you never know what grade your exactly going to get. i barely got an a, but as i was reading through my grades i noticed she took off 5 points she shouldn't have (submitting an idea/inspiration sheet, which i did). i wanted to get this fixed because on the next project if i don't do as well, these points can save me from a grade drop. plus i did the work, so in my mind i deserve the points. it was just an honest grading mistake. so i took it to the teacher at the end of the class and she noticed and recognized the mistake. but instead of changing it she told me i was doing much better than anyone else in the class. apparently everyone has cs and lower. like 70 is the average grade or something ridiculous. while that sucks, i don't see how that's relevant to my grade. she basically told me to suck it up and not worry about it. i tried reasoning with her, but her conclusion was that in comparison to my class i was fine. my classmates found out i asked her, someone probably overheard, and are calling me an a-hole because i don't need the points and im just trying to be a dick. but like, it's a grade that matters to me and it will effect my gpa so why shouldn't i care about getting the grade i deserve. the teacher won't even change it for some reason, but i think that's ridiculous. my friends are saying it's my right to correct the wrong grading because the professor did make a mistake. my boyfriend says im being selfish and that an a is an a who cares. i care :( i'm not trying to be a dick, but i just want the grade i deserve. what do you all think?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm in college and everyone in my major has to take an art course. art isn't everyone's forte and about everyone but me in the class hates art. i took art all in hs and even took ap art and passed the ap exam. im not the best artist, but im good enough and know all the vocab and rules. we recently got back our grades for our 2nd project of the course. art is graded fairly subjectively so you never know what grade your exactly going to get. i barely got an a, but as i was reading through my grades i noticed she took off 5 points she shouldn't have (submitting an idea/inspiration sheet, which i did). i wanted to get this fixed because on the next project if i don't do as well, these points can save me from a grade drop. plus i did the work, so in my mind i deserve the points. it was just an honest grading mistake. so i took it to the teacher at the end of the class and she noticed and recognized the mistake. but instead of changing it she told me i was doing much better than anyone else in the class. apparently everyone has cs and lower. like 70 is the average grade or something ridiculous. while that sucks, i don't see how that's relevant to my grade. she basically told me to suck it up and not worry about it. i tried reasoning with her, but her conclusion was that in comparison to my class i was fine. my classmates found out i asked her, someone probably overheard, and are calling me an a-hole because i don't need the points and im just trying to be a dick. but like, it's a grade that matters to me and it will effect my gpa so why shouldn't i care about getting the grade i deserve. the teacher won't even change it for some reason, but i think that's ridiculous. my friends are saying it's my right to correct the wrong grading because the professor did make a mistake. my boyfriend says im being selfish and that an a is an a who cares. i care :( i'm not trying to be a dick, but i just want the grade i deserve. what do you all think? [/INST] nta i don't see how it is relevant what other people in the class are making. if the professor made a mistake she should fix it. that said, this isn't a hill to die on. i wouldn't try to go over her head, just try to keep up your standard of work. </s>
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AITA for not telling my LIFETIME friend that I had proposed to my girlfriend, and making her feel betrayed?
| 1,269 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oldjy4/aita_for_not_telling_my_lifetime_friend_that_i/
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2021-07-16 09:39:00
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nta you're free to tell people your news whenever you're ready (especially if it's the next day). major overreaction from bell
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nta
i (30s brown man) think your friend is overstepping. you don't have to include her in your proposal, that's ridiculous.
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you’re nta. bell sounds super toxic. did you at least shut her down when she was talking shit about your fiance? if you didn’t then you are an ah. i wouldn’t let anyone talk shit about my partner no matter who they were.
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you're nta, but i fail to see how any of your races play into this story in the slightest
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nta. ask bell if it's cold at the center of the universe. you made your proposal about you and your intended and not about bell, so she threw a tantrum and then blocked you on social media. bell is a wildly entitled and self centered person. you have done nothing wrong here.
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nta, op. bell sounds like a toxic person.
there's something i'm curious about, though. you mentioned you and bell are white, while your fiancée is black. is this somehow relevant? i mean, you also mentioned bell "ended up talking a lot of shit about your fiancée", so i was wondering if this "shit" actually means "racism".
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nta
your proposal wasn't about belle. you never needed her permission or involvement. belle is toxic and not your friend.
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i’m trying to understand why bell so desperately needed to be a third party in every aspect of your proposal, then threw an epic tantrum. *you did nothing wrong*. she needs a serious boundary-check. nta.
*and she talked crap about your fiancé?* she’s behaving like a major-league ah.
congrats, by the way!
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info: was there a reason you mentioned race in this post? it doesn't seem relevant to me at all. do you think race was a factor and is that why you mentioned it?
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[deleted]
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null | 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta you're free to tell people your news whenever you're ready (especially if it's the next day). major overreaction from bell </s>
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AITA for having my girlfriend leave for “helping” my daughter
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my daughter is 16 and has been really struggling with ed . it’s more managed now but before it wasn’t, once i knew i took her to the doctor, a therapist etc etc.
the doctor has told us multiple times to, yes eat what’s needed for nutrition but it’s best to monitor quietly so it’s not like *im* forcing her to eat and she’s eating because she *wants* to, not being forced, also because it won’t last if you force so i’m doing it that way.
ive been with my girlfriend for abt a year and met my daughter a little while ago and i guess they got close and my daughter told her that she had an ed but from what i know nothing more nothing less.
my girlfriend has been trying to help with this, and it would have to be affective helping if it wasn’t not *forceful* helping. you know when you kind of force your helpfulness onto other people but not really in the way they need.
i do know when my daughter eats, she has meals that either she or i make and she eats those so when they are gone i can see.
the point being not to *ask* if she ate or not, because as the doctor said it’s a reminder and she doesn’t need to be reminded of what she has, and emotional support will do, asking her if she ate won’t.
the other day my girlfriend continued to go to my daughter and ask her if she ate, at what time and what she ate, this is bad but the worst is asking how many calories it was.
i pulled her aside and told her that she cannot ask those questions to her and if she wants to help to please try to do it a different way, take her out, socialize, they both like movies, books, *shopping* bowling, etc etc. they have a lot of the same interests. she seemed like she understood.
until i overheard her asking the same question again, she went into my daughters room and asked her “did you eat” my daughter said yea, then proceeded to bombard her with questions about what she ate the calories, at one point she asked to see the food bowl so she could see if it was good in there.
i brought her out of the room and told her that she either needed to stop asking those questions or leave because those are in no way appropriate, kind, or helpful, and i shouldn’t have to ask you multiple times, when she knows it’s not helping.
she got mad saying that i was neglecting her needs because she should know if she ate, i said i know she ate, there’s a reason she has meals in there. even if she didn’t she has no right to ask her that, i explained how i knew before this so she was aware.
she started getting upset saying i was kicking her out for helping, she didn’t realize she wasn’t, but then still said it was just helping my daughter, and it was clear she was not even close to even *trying* to understand that she was not helping that’s why i told her she needed to go.
i’ve told this to some family but they said that she didn’t know and i just needed to be patient. but how many times do i have to explain the same thing until she knows?
| 3,617 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yplg7r/aita_for_having_my_girlfriend_leave_for_helping/
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2022-11-08 12:58:26
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nta. you've explained to her several times that her "helping" isn't actually helping, i'd personally sit her down and say these are boundaries you can not cross. she's not her mother, she hasn't spoken to the doctors with you or your daughter.
if she can't respect you or you daughters boundaries then i suggest you call it a day, because all that's going to happen is she will make your daughters condition worse.
your a good dad and your daughter needs you, so step up and put your foot down.
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nta
she knew she wasn’t helping when you told her to stop the first time, she just thinks she knows better than you.
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nta.
you are prioritising your daughter as you should be doing. and as someone who has struggled with an ed / currently working through it, such intrusive questions are very uncomfortable and might make one spiral.
your girlfriend needs to respect boundaries. and mentioning calories? it sounds like she doesn't respect you nor your daughter, and instead is trying to make it about herself so she can feel better.
some people need to get told a few times to make themselves realise that what they are doing isn't helping, but it seems like she doesn't care.
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nta and your girlfriend is a danger to your daughter. you never ever bring up calories to someone with an ed. ever.
even if she didn't know, you told her, and she still went against your wishes.
your girlfriend is triggering to your daughter and may be getting some gross satisfaction over the fact she is triggering her.
if you don't cut her contact with your daughter, you would be the ah here.
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nta. please don’t go the “just be patient” route with your girlfriend. you’ve told her more than once and this is your daughter’s physical and mental health on the line so you don’t have the luxury of being patient. set firm rules and boundaries with your gf and if she crosses/breaks then, you know what you have to do.
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nta, you're doing the right thing. you explained it already to your girlfriend, yet she continues to dismiss it. she is actively risking the progress your daughter has made. if she does not understand that, she has to go.
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nta
she absolutely did know...because you told her.
she thinks she knows better than your daughters health care team. she thinks she knows better than you.
she either needs to respect the boundaries or you need to keep her away from your daughter.
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nta - you did the right thing. eating disorders are complex and trying to apply simple solutions, however well meaning, will likely exacerbate the problem, not fix it.
you've tried to tell her, she clearly hasn't taken it in, and you've set a very reasonable boundary.
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nta.
> i was kicking her out for helping, she didn’t realize she wasn’t
yeah, no. even if you hadn’t already freaking **told her** in no uncertain terms that she wasn’t, it shouldn’t take explicit instructions from a doctor to realize that encouraging someone with an ed to *calorie count* is a really, *really*, **really** bad idea. do you really want to continue dating someone who’s not only not equipped to handle this, but doubling down on their ignorance?
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the 'i didn't know' doesn't work when she has been told *repeatedly* not to do what she is doing.
shes not being helpful, she is being intrusive. just because your daughter told her about her ed doesn't mean she's welcome or qualified to treat it.
nta. your obligation as a parent is to protect your child. that is what your doing. i'd be keeping them at a distance at the very least, but ultimately this would be the nail in the coffin for me.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter is 16 and has been really struggling with ed . it’s more managed now but before it wasn’t, once i knew i took her to the doctor, a therapist etc etc. the doctor has told us multiple times to, yes eat what’s needed for nutrition but it’s best to monitor quietly so it’s not like *im* forcing her to eat and she’s eating because she *wants* to, not being forced, also because it won’t last if you force so i’m doing it that way. ive been with my girlfriend for abt a year and met my daughter a little while ago and i guess they got close and my daughter told her that she had an ed but from what i know nothing more nothing less. my girlfriend has been trying to help with this, and it would have to be affective helping if it wasn’t not *forceful* helping. you know when you kind of force your helpfulness onto other people but not really in the way they need. i do know when my daughter eats, she has meals that either she or i make and she eats those so when they are gone i can see. the point being not to *ask* if she ate or not, because as the doctor said it’s a reminder and she doesn’t need to be reminded of what she has, and emotional support will do, asking her if she ate won’t. the other day my girlfriend continued to go to my daughter and ask her if she ate, at what time and what she ate, this is bad but the worst is asking how many calories it was. i pulled her aside and told her that she cannot ask those questions to her and if she wants to help to please try to do it a different way, take her out, socialize, they both like movies, books, *shopping* bowling, etc etc. they have a lot of the same interests. she seemed like she understood. until i overheard her asking the same question again, she went into my daughters room and asked her “did you eat” my daughter said yea, then proceeded to bombard her with questions about what she ate the calories, at one point she asked to see the food bowl so she could see if it was good in there. i brought her out of the room and told her that she either needed to stop asking those questions or leave because those are in no way appropriate, kind, or helpful, and i shouldn’t have to ask you multiple times, when she knows it’s not helping. she got mad saying that i was neglecting her needs because she should know if she ate, i said i know she ate, there’s a reason she has meals in there. even if she didn’t she has no right to ask her that, i explained how i knew before this so she was aware. she started getting upset saying i was kicking her out for helping, she didn’t realize she wasn’t, but then still said it was just helping my daughter, and it was clear she was not even close to even *trying* to understand that she was not helping that’s why i told her she needed to go. i’ve told this to some family but they said that she didn’t know and i just needed to be patient. but how many times do i have to explain the same thing until she knows?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter is 16 and has been really struggling with ed . it’s more managed now but before it wasn’t, once i knew i took her to the doctor, a therapist etc etc. the doctor has told us multiple times to, yes eat what’s needed for nutrition but it’s best to monitor quietly so it’s not like *im* forcing her to eat and she’s eating because she *wants* to, not being forced, also because it won’t last if you force so i’m doing it that way. ive been with my girlfriend for abt a year and met my daughter a little while ago and i guess they got close and my daughter told her that she had an ed but from what i know nothing more nothing less. my girlfriend has been trying to help with this, and it would have to be affective helping if it wasn’t not *forceful* helping. you know when you kind of force your helpfulness onto other people but not really in the way they need. i do know when my daughter eats, she has meals that either she or i make and she eats those so when they are gone i can see. the point being not to *ask* if she ate or not, because as the doctor said it’s a reminder and she doesn’t need to be reminded of what she has, and emotional support will do, asking her if she ate won’t. the other day my girlfriend continued to go to my daughter and ask her if she ate, at what time and what she ate, this is bad but the worst is asking how many calories it was. i pulled her aside and told her that she cannot ask those questions to her and if she wants to help to please try to do it a different way, take her out, socialize, they both like movies, books, *shopping* bowling, etc etc. they have a lot of the same interests. she seemed like she understood. until i overheard her asking the same question again, she went into my daughters room and asked her “did you eat” my daughter said yea, then proceeded to bombard her with questions about what she ate the calories, at one point she asked to see the food bowl so she could see if it was good in there. i brought her out of the room and told her that she either needed to stop asking those questions or leave because those are in no way appropriate, kind, or helpful, and i shouldn’t have to ask you multiple times, when she knows it’s not helping. she got mad saying that i was neglecting her needs because she should know if she ate, i said i know she ate, there’s a reason she has meals in there. even if she didn’t she has no right to ask her that, i explained how i knew before this so she was aware. she started getting upset saying i was kicking her out for helping, she didn’t realize she wasn’t, but then still said it was just helping my daughter, and it was clear she was not even close to even *trying* to understand that she was not helping that’s why i told her she needed to go. i’ve told this to some family but they said that she didn’t know and i just needed to be patient. but how many times do i have to explain the same thing until she knows? [/INST] nta. you've explained to her several times that her "helping" isn't actually helping, i'd personally sit her down and say these are boundaries you can not cross. she's not her mother, she hasn't spoken to the doctors with you or your daughter. if she can't respect you or you daughters boundaries then i suggest you call it a day, because all that's going to happen is she will make your daughters condition worse. your a good dad and your daughter needs you, so step up and put your foot down. </s>
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AITA for making my own take-away?
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tonight my wife and i walked down to our local restaurant to order a take-away pizza. when we got there they told us that they no longer do take-away on the weekend.
we decided to sit at a table (they were relatively quiet by the time we got there) and order dine in, then get take-away containers and leave. when the food got to our table we ate one slice of the pizza each then i asked for take away containers so that we could eat at home as we had intended.
as we were leaving we saw the manager, who had told us they no longer do take away, and she very abruptly said “just a reminder that we don’t to take-away.”
my wife felt bad but i feel like we did nothing wrong at all.
extra info: we live in australia where tipping isn't a thing, so i don't think that is part of the issue.
| 589 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ylxzc7/aita_for_making_my_own_takeaway/
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2022-11-04 12:40:36
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nta - what a strange place to stop doing take away. especially if they serve pizza! idk why the manager said that as you left, you ate a piece there and left. furthermore, if they have the takeaway boxes there's no reason for them to be so stringent.
honestly, i'd almost go with nah. however, unless you guys know this manager it rubs me the wrong way that she would say that. like you two could've just taken your business else where, they're the ones being inconvenient not offering the choice anymore.
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nta. what do they mean the don't do take-away? you bought the pizza, you can definitely take it with you.
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nta at all. they have take away containers so clearly they do take away. you were nicer than i would have been tbh, i wouldn’t have even eaten one slice at all, just packed it all up whilst staring at whoever told me i couldn’t haha
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nta. you paid for product. you took your product. the only places that i've even heard of these rules is at a buffet. what a rude manager. in the middle of a global recession with skyrocketing food prices, this is surprising to hear of such treatment.
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nta and it is very weird that she felt she needed to confront you like that.
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is it common to eat pizza in a restaurant in australia? the only time i have done that in the us is for special occasions (bday parties, graduations, etc). if i was told that by a pizza place, i would find a new one. that place would not last long. i agree with other posters, if they are short staffed, they should be cutting dine in and pushing take away orders.
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what you did isn't even take-away. i've worked at many a restaurant, that's just a quick turnover table in a mostly empty place. basically nice, i would not be annoyed at such an easy table if i were your server. nta the manager was being weird. do not eat there again lmao
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nta but you should be sure to tip your server as if you were eating in, not taking away.
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: tonight my wife and i walked down to our local restaurant to order a take-away pizza. when we got there they told us that they no longer do take-away on the weekend. we decided to sit at a table (they were relatively quiet by the time we got there) and order dine in, then get take-away containers and leave. when the food got to our table we ate one slice of the pizza each then i asked for take away containers so that we could eat at home as we had intended. as we were leaving we saw the manager, who had told us they no longer do take away, and she very abruptly said “just a reminder that we don’t to take-away.” my wife felt bad but i feel like we did nothing wrong at all. extra info: we live in australia where tipping isn't a thing, so i don't think that is part of the issue.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
tonight my wife and i walked down to our local restaurant to order a take-away pizza. when we got there they told us that they no longer do take-away on the weekend. we decided to sit at a table (they were relatively quiet by the time we got there) and order dine in, then get take-away containers and leave. when the food got to our table we ate one slice of the pizza each then i asked for take away containers so that we could eat at home as we had intended. as we were leaving we saw the manager, who had told us they no longer do take away, and she very abruptly said “just a reminder that we don’t to take-away.” my wife felt bad but i feel like we did nothing wrong at all. extra info: we live in australia where tipping isn't a thing, so i don't think that is part of the issue. [/INST] nta - what a strange place to stop doing take away. especially if they serve pizza! idk why the manager said that as you left, you ate a piece there and left. furthermore, if they have the takeaway boxes there's no reason for them to be so stringent. honestly, i'd almost go with nah. however, unless you guys know this manager it rubs me the wrong way that she would say that. like you two could've just taken your business else where, they're the ones being inconvenient not offering the choice anymore. </s>
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WIBTA for calling CPS on my sister because I disagree with how she's raising her daughter?
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making a long story short here: the day after christmas, my 16 year old niece, emma, called me sobbing, begging to come live with me. she said her house was a prison and her parents wouldn’t let her be happy anymore. we talked for a while and what she told me was confirmed as true by my sister when i talked to her.
emma has always had lopsided grades, with as in english and history but cs and ds in math and science. this time last year, she was diagnosed with adhd, which i knew because i was diagnosed a few years ago and my sister called me to ask my opinion on how well non-medication treatments worked, since her husband was adamantly opposed to letting emma take what her doctor prescribed for fear of her becoming addicted. medication and intuitive living has always worked best for me, but when i was pregnant with my kids and couldn’t take meds i got by with the recommended adhd diet and exercise regime and a good routine.
it turns out my bil has taken that into hyperdrive and gone full prison guard on emma’s life in order to get her grades up. she has a strict routine that only includes school/studying, exercise, and family meal times. she is not allowed any contact with friends outside of school, and eats a special diet that doesn’t include dairy, caffeine, or sweets of any kind. everything “distracting” has been taken out of her room, including all of her books and beloved paintings by my late mother. her science and math grades have come up to bs, which my bil insists means the routine is working but still can’t be eased up on yet, since she hasn’t come to her “full potential”. the incident that triggered her phone call (she stole her brother’s phone while he was sleeping because she’s not allowed a phone or unsupervised computer time) was her being banned from celebrating christmas with the family, since it would be a deviation from her routine.
i feel like this has fallen into awful territory and has only gone on so long due to the current craziness. i got my sister on the phone, and she broke down crying, saying that she’s begged her husband to ease up but that openly instituting a lighter set of rules or telling emma to ignore him will absolutely lead to a divorce. she says she’s weighed the options and since her husband would definitely get 50-50 custody of the kids, spurring a divorce to get emma out of bil’s rules ½ the time for the next 2.5 years of highschool isn’t worth the kids being in a broken home and losing her kids ½ the time, especially with the other two still just 13 and 10. she said she'd "work on him", but according to my nephew, my bil has been even harder on emma since he found out we talked. i think cps and the school need to be aware of this, but my dad says "it's not against the law to be strict" and my husband says i would be wasting resources calling them since it's "not serious enough" for the courts to get involved. i just don't know what else to do. i feel like cps could at least get emma real treatment.
| 17,601 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lg8f0y/wibta_for_calling_cps_on_my_sister_because_i/
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2021-02-09 17:28:15
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nta - but don’t be surprised if cps doesn’t do much. yeah, this is hyper strict but i don’t know if you can call it abusive.
i think you can expect that your niece will flee the house the first moment she gets when she turns 18.
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why would her husband *definitely* get 50/50 custody? surely most judges would take the preferences of a 16 year old teen into account, especially if she was very emphatic that she was miserable with her dad and his awful treatment of her was literally the entire reason for the divorce.
i don't think you'd be an asshole for calling cps, so nta, i just doubt it would result in anything changing. worst case, the family eliminates contact with you.
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nta. this does feel abusive to me, but i'm unsure cps can or will do anything. can emma talk to a therapist or a guidance counselor? it may take third party non family intervention by a "specialist" for your bil to see what he's doing here as actually harmful.
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nta - ***full disclosure: i am stubborn and not above nuclear options when i feel it’s warranted***
if i were emma, i would just stop. stop doing anything. what is he going to do about it? he’s already taken everything from her that he can. he can’t take away her basic necessities (food, water, clothing, shelter), or he would be squarely be in the abuse/neglect category and would be more actionable by cps. the reason he’s so forceful is because it’s working, so he feels justified and empowered to do more to push her to perform. if she takes that from him, he has no power and no results to hide behind.
another option is to anonymously call cps for isolation abuse and have it documented. cps will investigate and interview both your sister and bil as well as the kids, at which point your sister and niece can voice their concerns openly to the case worker and see what the case worker can do to help. at the very least, maybe it will lay the groundwork in case bil does go for a divorce. your sister should talk to a lawyer before convincing herself to stay because she feels he would “definitely get 50/50 custody”. with your niblings being older, they would likely get a say in where they live and how often they visit, so 50/50 custody is not guaranteed.
i wish your family the best of luck in this. please let us know how it turns out.
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nta for thinking that urgent intervention is needed...but yeah, unfortunately, i suspect cps isn't going to be able to do anything, especially if your sister and the rest of the family are prepared to cover for her husband. your focus likely needs to be on what you can do to make sure emma can maintain contact with the outside world and that she knows she has somewhere to go if need be.
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nta- but i doubt they'll do anything. being she's over 13, she should have the say on whether or not to go with her father in case of divorce, though. also, 50% freedom is better than none, and the mom and dad are going in the right direction for a no contact adult daughter. if the mom doesn't put her foot down, and now, this is her future. she needs to make the choice.
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nta
your bil doesn’t understand anything at all about adhd. this dude is transparently abusive. what he’s subjecting your niece to is barely a life.
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>isn’t worth the kids being in a broken home
sounds like that home is already cracked at least.
your sister needs to sort that shit out with her husband.
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i think your sister needs a huge reality check. she's more worried about her marriage than the well being of her children. when is enough going to be enough for her? if bil is willing to do this to one child, can't she see that he is fully capable of doing this to all the children? she knows her child needs therapy but goes along with her husband firing the therapists because they are acting in the best interests of their patient? she knows her child's doctor recommends medication but goes along with not letting her have access to it?
encourage your sister to seek her own therapist who can hopefully illustrate how much damage she is allowing to happen to her own daughter. get her some books to read about recognizing signs of emotional abuse.
one quick google and this gets brought up.
https://www.healthline.com/health/signs-of-mental-abuse
situations like this are exactly why children will cut contact with their parents as soon as they are able to. she better get used to not having her daughter around for christmas because that will be the new normal.
and seriously ask her what she thinks will happen if she doesn't stand up for her daughter. her husband is going to divorce her? so what. why would you want to be married to someone who is willing to abuse their child? she is afraid he will get some custody of the younger children? she needs to fight tooth and nail to ensure their well-being. get them (all the kids) into therapy to help them process their emotions and to understand the whys of what is happening. the damage has already been done. it's now up to her to minimize the effects.
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nta.
what a great way to ruin your child's high school experience.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: making a long story short here: the day after christmas, my 16 year old niece, emma, called me sobbing, begging to come live with me. she said her house was a prison and her parents wouldn’t let her be happy anymore. we talked for a while and what she told me was confirmed as true by my sister when i talked to her. emma has always had lopsided grades, with as in english and history but cs and ds in math and science. this time last year, she was diagnosed with adhd, which i knew because i was diagnosed a few years ago and my sister called me to ask my opinion on how well non-medication treatments worked, since her husband was adamantly opposed to letting emma take what her doctor prescribed for fear of her becoming addicted. medication and intuitive living has always worked best for me, but when i was pregnant with my kids and couldn’t take meds i got by with the recommended adhd diet and exercise regime and a good routine. it turns out my bil has taken that into hyperdrive and gone full prison guard on emma’s life in order to get her grades up. she has a strict routine that only includes school/studying, exercise, and family meal times. she is not allowed any contact with friends outside of school, and eats a special diet that doesn’t include dairy, caffeine, or sweets of any kind. everything “distracting” has been taken out of her room, including all of her books and beloved paintings by my late mother. her science and math grades have come up to bs, which my bil insists means the routine is working but still can’t be eased up on yet, since she hasn’t come to her “full potential”. the incident that triggered her phone call (she stole her brother’s phone while he was sleeping because she’s not allowed a phone or unsupervised computer time) was her being banned from celebrating christmas with the family, since it would be a deviation from her routine. i feel like this has fallen into awful territory and has only gone on so long due to the current craziness. i got my sister on the phone, and she broke down crying, saying that she’s begged her husband to ease up but that openly instituting a lighter set of rules or telling emma to ignore him will absolutely lead to a divorce. she says she’s weighed the options and since her husband would definitely get 50-50 custody of the kids, spurring a divorce to get emma out of bil’s rules ½ the time for the next 2.5 years of highschool isn’t worth the kids being in a broken home and losing her kids ½ the time, especially with the other two still just 13 and 10. she said she'd "work on him", but according to my nephew, my bil has been even harder on emma since he found out we talked. i think cps and the school need to be aware of this, but my dad says "it's not against the law to be strict" and my husband says i would be wasting resources calling them since it's "not serious enough" for the courts to get involved. i just don't know what else to do. i feel like cps could at least get emma real treatment.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
making a long story short here: the day after christmas, my 16 year old niece, emma, called me sobbing, begging to come live with me. she said her house was a prison and her parents wouldn’t let her be happy anymore. we talked for a while and what she told me was confirmed as true by my sister when i talked to her. emma has always had lopsided grades, with as in english and history but cs and ds in math and science. this time last year, she was diagnosed with adhd, which i knew because i was diagnosed a few years ago and my sister called me to ask my opinion on how well non-medication treatments worked, since her husband was adamantly opposed to letting emma take what her doctor prescribed for fear of her becoming addicted. medication and intuitive living has always worked best for me, but when i was pregnant with my kids and couldn’t take meds i got by with the recommended adhd diet and exercise regime and a good routine. it turns out my bil has taken that into hyperdrive and gone full prison guard on emma’s life in order to get her grades up. she has a strict routine that only includes school/studying, exercise, and family meal times. she is not allowed any contact with friends outside of school, and eats a special diet that doesn’t include dairy, caffeine, or sweets of any kind. everything “distracting” has been taken out of her room, including all of her books and beloved paintings by my late mother. her science and math grades have come up to bs, which my bil insists means the routine is working but still can’t be eased up on yet, since she hasn’t come to her “full potential”. the incident that triggered her phone call (she stole her brother’s phone while he was sleeping because she’s not allowed a phone or unsupervised computer time) was her being banned from celebrating christmas with the family, since it would be a deviation from her routine. i feel like this has fallen into awful territory and has only gone on so long due to the current craziness. i got my sister on the phone, and she broke down crying, saying that she’s begged her husband to ease up but that openly instituting a lighter set of rules or telling emma to ignore him will absolutely lead to a divorce. she says she’s weighed the options and since her husband would definitely get 50-50 custody of the kids, spurring a divorce to get emma out of bil’s rules ½ the time for the next 2.5 years of highschool isn’t worth the kids being in a broken home and losing her kids ½ the time, especially with the other two still just 13 and 10. she said she'd "work on him", but according to my nephew, my bil has been even harder on emma since he found out we talked. i think cps and the school need to be aware of this, but my dad says "it's not against the law to be strict" and my husband says i would be wasting resources calling them since it's "not serious enough" for the courts to get involved. i just don't know what else to do. i feel like cps could at least get emma real treatment. [/INST] nta - but don’t be surprised if cps doesn’t do much. yeah, this is hyper strict but i don’t know if you can call it abusive. i think you can expect that your niece will flee the house the first moment she gets when she turns 18. </s>
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AITA Am I The Karen?
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so little backstory, i (21f) am a midwestern transplant to the deep south of georgia. now i'm not of the the midwestern vein that inherited canadian niceness, but rather the nyc-meets-redneck region where quite frankly, no one gives a shit. as such, i am quite blunt and very different from the southern women around here. i try not to be rude, but it comes out that way from time to time when i dont say it with a smile, because i have no need to do so at the time. but i've developed some skills to fit in a little better and can usually slap a 'i'm-not-mad-but-fix-it' grin on when i need to.
i'm in a restaurant with my friend, who consistently makes jokes that i'm karen. so at said restaurant, we're having lunch and it is a sloooow day for this place. now i normally have absolutely zero issue with food coming out slow, it happens, i get it. but being one of 4 tables on an uncharacteristically slow day with a full staff, i shouldn't expect to wait 45 minutes for two sandwiches that seemed like they'd been done for quite some time. the food was cold, soggy, unseasoned, and their new portion control ideas were taken way too far. i realize that the staff working flat doesn't care to do things right that day and don't even bother sending it back because there would be no point; i want to pay for my food that i've pushed away and go.
waitress returns and asks "everything tasting good?" to which i reply with aforementioned grin, "no it really kind of sucked, can i just get the check?" because she asked. she got a little flustered and went to go get the manager, to my protest because i really didn't care, it was one meal and i still got to hang out with my friend, who is embarrassed on the other side of the table because i seem to have his offended his polite sensibilities.
waitress and manager return, he asks what the problem was, and i tell him all the things i mentioned because, again, he asked. i wasn't angry, i never raised my voice, i never cursed, i just didn't apologize for not liking the food, which here is customary. he rolled his eyes so far back into his head i'm pretty convinced he saw the secret to life, and told me they could comp it if i wanted. i said no because the food is usually decent and didn't want to be hated, and my friend asked "then why make a fuss?" because they asked! and still every time we go somewhere he asks me not to be karen.
mind you there have been other instances of such thing happening in different contexts. one such brief example is when i made a guy step away from his own birthday party because his car was blocking me in and i wanted to go home. did my grin but didn't apologize for making him step away because it's not my fault he parks like shit. friend didn't like that one either and he thought it was important to mention this event to provide context of my "karenness"
am i the asshole for being too blunt? rather, am i the karen?
| 709 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dmam2p/aita_am_i_the_karen/
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2019-10-24 03:22:37
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yta. i’m a blunt new yorker and saying ‘no it kind of sucks’ still strikes me as insanely rude. you don’t have to apologize to be polite; you could say ‘honestly, it’s pretty soggy and doesn’t taste as good as the food usually does here’ or something else honest but not so rude.
don’t decide that being a jerk to people is ‘just how i am’, it’s a bad path.
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99% of the time, when people say “i’m just a blunt person!”, what they really mean is “i would rather allow every unfiltered thought that graces my brain to exit through my mouth than spend a single moment in consideration of other people’s feelings”. you do not appear to be in the minority.
not only are you the karen, but you’re well on your way to becoming the final karen boss that hapless servers and retail workers have to defeat five minutes before close, after clearing a full day’s worth of lesser karens. yta. your assholery isn’t a fun regional quirk and you get precisely zero points for slapping on an insincere grin and saying rude shit through your teeth.
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yta. you put the server in a really awkward position by complaining about the food but not letting them do anything to address it. you say you're blunt but i actually think pushing the food away and not accepting a comp on the meal because you "don't want to be hated" is super passive aggressive.
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ytk. you’re “i’m not mad but fix it” grin sounds like it’s probably condescending af lmao
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yta but you seem proud of it so this may be a validation post so double yta?
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honestly, if people around you constantly point out (even as a joke) that you’re the karen, you’re probably the karen. yta.
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you keep excusing this on "because they asked".. are you not familiar with how waiters handle tables in restaurants? in many restaurants it's part of their operating procedure for the waiter to check on the guests after the food comes out. its just part of the routine.
you complained because you wanted to complain. take ownership for your behavior. blaming it on other people is definitely a karen move.
that said, if the food sucked i think you had every right to complain, so i'm not going to call you ta for that.
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yta
i’m from philly and i hate to say this, but i agree with the new yorker.
you’re just being a rude dick for no reason. there are better ways to phrase things that convey the same message. you don’t have to load up with niceties, but being sweet and gracious usually does get you better results than being an asshole.
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you are the embodiment of karen. there's not one paragraph in this post where you're not describing what a karen you are. all of your rationalisations are karen rationalisations:
what you perceive:
\>but i've developed some skills to fit in a little better and can usually slap a 'i'm-not-mad-but-fix-it' grin on when i need to.
what the rest of the world sees:
resting bitch face over here cannot smile, has no manners and finds fault with every little thing
yta, big time.
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yta. saying “no it kind of sucked” is a rude way to put it. just because the waitress asked doesn’t mean you have to be rude, you could have worded it more kindly. and yes, that is totally a karen thing to do.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so little backstory, i (21f) am a midwestern transplant to the deep south of georgia. now i'm not of the the midwestern vein that inherited canadian niceness, but rather the nyc-meets-redneck region where quite frankly, no one gives a shit. as such, i am quite blunt and very different from the southern women around here. i try not to be rude, but it comes out that way from time to time when i dont say it with a smile, because i have no need to do so at the time. but i've developed some skills to fit in a little better and can usually slap a 'i'm-not-mad-but-fix-it' grin on when i need to. i'm in a restaurant with my friend, who consistently makes jokes that i'm karen. so at said restaurant, we're having lunch and it is a sloooow day for this place. now i normally have absolutely zero issue with food coming out slow, it happens, i get it. but being one of 4 tables on an uncharacteristically slow day with a full staff, i shouldn't expect to wait 45 minutes for two sandwiches that seemed like they'd been done for quite some time. the food was cold, soggy, unseasoned, and their new portion control ideas were taken way too far. i realize that the staff working flat doesn't care to do things right that day and don't even bother sending it back because there would be no point; i want to pay for my food that i've pushed away and go. waitress returns and asks "everything tasting good?" to which i reply with aforementioned grin, "no it really kind of sucked, can i just get the check?" because she asked. she got a little flustered and went to go get the manager, to my protest because i really didn't care, it was one meal and i still got to hang out with my friend, who is embarrassed on the other side of the table because i seem to have his offended his polite sensibilities. waitress and manager return, he asks what the problem was, and i tell him all the things i mentioned because, again, he asked. i wasn't angry, i never raised my voice, i never cursed, i just didn't apologize for not liking the food, which here is customary. he rolled his eyes so far back into his head i'm pretty convinced he saw the secret to life, and told me they could comp it if i wanted. i said no because the food is usually decent and didn't want to be hated, and my friend asked "then why make a fuss?" because they asked! and still every time we go somewhere he asks me not to be karen. mind you there have been other instances of such thing happening in different contexts. one such brief example is when i made a guy step away from his own birthday party because his car was blocking me in and i wanted to go home. did my grin but didn't apologize for making him step away because it's not my fault he parks like shit. friend didn't like that one either and he thought it was important to mention this event to provide context of my "karenness" am i the asshole for being too blunt? rather, am i the karen?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so little backstory, i (21f) am a midwestern transplant to the deep south of georgia. now i'm not of the the midwestern vein that inherited canadian niceness, but rather the nyc-meets-redneck region where quite frankly, no one gives a shit. as such, i am quite blunt and very different from the southern women around here. i try not to be rude, but it comes out that way from time to time when i dont say it with a smile, because i have no need to do so at the time. but i've developed some skills to fit in a little better and can usually slap a 'i'm-not-mad-but-fix-it' grin on when i need to. i'm in a restaurant with my friend, who consistently makes jokes that i'm karen. so at said restaurant, we're having lunch and it is a sloooow day for this place. now i normally have absolutely zero issue with food coming out slow, it happens, i get it. but being one of 4 tables on an uncharacteristically slow day with a full staff, i shouldn't expect to wait 45 minutes for two sandwiches that seemed like they'd been done for quite some time. the food was cold, soggy, unseasoned, and their new portion control ideas were taken way too far. i realize that the staff working flat doesn't care to do things right that day and don't even bother sending it back because there would be no point; i want to pay for my food that i've pushed away and go. waitress returns and asks "everything tasting good?" to which i reply with aforementioned grin, "no it really kind of sucked, can i just get the check?" because she asked. she got a little flustered and went to go get the manager, to my protest because i really didn't care, it was one meal and i still got to hang out with my friend, who is embarrassed on the other side of the table because i seem to have his offended his polite sensibilities. waitress and manager return, he asks what the problem was, and i tell him all the things i mentioned because, again, he asked. i wasn't angry, i never raised my voice, i never cursed, i just didn't apologize for not liking the food, which here is customary. he rolled his eyes so far back into his head i'm pretty convinced he saw the secret to life, and told me they could comp it if i wanted. i said no because the food is usually decent and didn't want to be hated, and my friend asked "then why make a fuss?" because they asked! and still every time we go somewhere he asks me not to be karen. mind you there have been other instances of such thing happening in different contexts. one such brief example is when i made a guy step away from his own birthday party because his car was blocking me in and i wanted to go home. did my grin but didn't apologize for making him step away because it's not my fault he parks like shit. friend didn't like that one either and he thought it was important to mention this event to provide context of my "karenness" am i the asshole for being too blunt? rather, am i the karen? [/INST] yta. i’m a blunt new yorker and saying ‘no it kind of sucks’ still strikes me as insanely rude. you don’t have to apologize to be polite; you could say ‘honestly, it’s pretty soggy and doesn’t taste as good as the food usually does here’ or something else honest but not so rude. don’t decide that being a jerk to people is ‘just how i am’, it’s a bad path. </s>
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AITA for "making" my husband start drinking again?
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we met 5 years ago (i was 22, he was 29) and back then he was going through a nasty divorce. when we met he said that his ex had an issue with him drinking so he originally stopped to get her back and then he stayed sober after he knew it was for sure over because he became a gym buff and he was just trying to be healthy. he explained to me that he liked to drink after work and it bothered his wife because she hated drinking herself. definitely downplayed how bad he really was.
when we met i was moderately into drinking. just did it socially. when we started hanging out i *didn't* drink around him but i said it would be cool if we could (i wasn't used to dating non-drinkers) but i did *not* push him. then one day before i went to hang out with him he said "you know what, just pick up some drinks for us." and i did. we drank that night, and 5 years later he drinks every single day, heavily, and cannot sleep without it. i do not and did not ever do that. i do not like to drink daily, again i was a *social* drinker. i'm a lightweight. i have been trying to help him and guide him back to sobriety since then. because of *his* issues, i don't drink at all. i don't like it. i have made him doctors appointments to help him, he will only go if i go, but he stops taking the meds. and am trying to get him into therapy and aa but he refuses.
it really got bad the last 2 years after we had some serious tragedies and major shakeups in our lives. tonight, stone sober, he got mad when i said i didn't want to drink and said "how did the woman who made me start drinking again become so boring?"
and i asked him if he was serious? he said he was. "you made me lose all my progress in sobriety because you wouldn't stop pushing me to drink."
and i kind of lost it. i told him "well since i have all this control over you and can make you drink, i can make you stop right?" and right now i'm really considering separation because i have been trying to help him for 5 years now but i guess he just blames me for "making" him drink 5 years ago when i had only known him 2 weeks.
| 1,201 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ir1fhk/aita_for_making_my_husband_start_drinking_again/
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2020-09-11 23:08:41
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nta - some things to know about alcoholics:
nobody *makes* them drink, they make the choice then find the most convenient person or event to blame for their choice.
you can not help an alcoholic until they admit they have a problem and ask for/are ready to receive it.
sobriety is something they have to want and work for every day for the rest of their lives.
there are support groups for friends/loved ones of alcoholics. if you make the decision to stay, look for a local al-anon group.
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recovering alcoholic here: you didn’t make your husband do shit. 5 years sober yesterday. nta
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nta who wants to bet that he had this conversation with his first wife?
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[deleted]
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nta you didn't make him drink and you can't make him stop. i'm 33 years sober and have found so many excuses to drink, so many times that i wanted to. the difference between me and your husband is that i didn't, no matter how many excuses that i made or how many times i was offered i didn't pick up the first drink. you are not the reason he started drinking you are his excuse
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nta. his actions are his responsibility. it’s unfair to blame you. if it was really such a big deal to drink again, he shouldn’t have suggested getting drinks that night. he’s the one who suggested it; *he* gave in to addiction, you didn’t make him.
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nta. it was his choice to drink. would he blame a waitress for offering a drink special if that's how he started drinking? his addiction is his to work through. unfortunately you cant help him if he doesnt want help. if it's starting to affect your mental health and self esteem then a separation is something to consider. dont get dragged down into addiction with him. if you cant help him, focus on helping you because hes just hurting everyone at this point.
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nta. he may or may not have been an alcoholic back then, but if he was you definitely didn't know.
i don't much about alcoholism, but people will always look try to blame others for their problems when they're not ready to face up to them
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i’m sorry. you didn’t make him drink. and from what it sounds like, he wasn’t honest with you about his history with alcohol. so you couldn’t know that drinking around him would cause such a big problem.
it isn’t your job to fix him. it isn’t your job to make him get sober. and is not your fault that he’s drinking again.
nta
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this is going to sound harsh, i don’t mean it to. first of all, nta. secondly, i’m the daughter of an alcoholic. my father was an alcoholic. he died a few years back, aged only 54. it was horrific.
i cannot even begin to tell you the heartache it caused, the mental abuse, the emotional uncertainty, the hope, the after math... it was torture. i wouldn’t wish that life of my worst enemy.
what was even worse was, sober, he was amazing!!!!! that’s what was so difficult.
you’re young, you can leave and save yourself from a lifetime of hurt, manipulation, lies, not being able to relax at events where there is alcohol...
you’ve said that after “serious tragedies”, he reaches for the bottle.
that was the worst part of my alcoholic father. when something bad happened, we then had to worry about him going off the rails too, which of course he did.
while i have all the empathy in the world for alcoholics, i wouldn’t ever consider dating one.
you can’t help him, and he won’t help himself.
save yourself and your future kids the heart ache. i’m in my 30s and i’m still f**ked up from it all.
sending you love x
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we met 5 years ago (i was 22, he was 29) and back then he was going through a nasty divorce. when we met he said that his ex had an issue with him drinking so he originally stopped to get her back and then he stayed sober after he knew it was for sure over because he became a gym buff and he was just trying to be healthy. he explained to me that he liked to drink after work and it bothered his wife because she hated drinking herself. definitely downplayed how bad he really was. when we met i was moderately into drinking. just did it socially. when we started hanging out i *didn't* drink around him but i said it would be cool if we could (i wasn't used to dating non-drinkers) but i did *not* push him. then one day before i went to hang out with him he said "you know what, just pick up some drinks for us." and i did. we drank that night, and 5 years later he drinks every single day, heavily, and cannot sleep without it. i do not and did not ever do that. i do not like to drink daily, again i was a *social* drinker. i'm a lightweight. i have been trying to help him and guide him back to sobriety since then. because of *his* issues, i don't drink at all. i don't like it. i have made him doctors appointments to help him, he will only go if i go, but he stops taking the meds. and am trying to get him into therapy and aa but he refuses. it really got bad the last 2 years after we had some serious tragedies and major shakeups in our lives. tonight, stone sober, he got mad when i said i didn't want to drink and said "how did the woman who made me start drinking again become so boring?" and i asked him if he was serious? he said he was. "you made me lose all my progress in sobriety because you wouldn't stop pushing me to drink." and i kind of lost it. i told him "well since i have all this control over you and can make you drink, i can make you stop right?" and right now i'm really considering separation because i have been trying to help him for 5 years now but i guess he just blames me for "making" him drink 5 years ago when i had only known him 2 weeks.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we met 5 years ago (i was 22, he was 29) and back then he was going through a nasty divorce. when we met he said that his ex had an issue with him drinking so he originally stopped to get her back and then he stayed sober after he knew it was for sure over because he became a gym buff and he was just trying to be healthy. he explained to me that he liked to drink after work and it bothered his wife because she hated drinking herself. definitely downplayed how bad he really was. when we met i was moderately into drinking. just did it socially. when we started hanging out i *didn't* drink around him but i said it would be cool if we could (i wasn't used to dating non-drinkers) but i did *not* push him. then one day before i went to hang out with him he said "you know what, just pick up some drinks for us." and i did. we drank that night, and 5 years later he drinks every single day, heavily, and cannot sleep without it. i do not and did not ever do that. i do not like to drink daily, again i was a *social* drinker. i'm a lightweight. i have been trying to help him and guide him back to sobriety since then. because of *his* issues, i don't drink at all. i don't like it. i have made him doctors appointments to help him, he will only go if i go, but he stops taking the meds. and am trying to get him into therapy and aa but he refuses. it really got bad the last 2 years after we had some serious tragedies and major shakeups in our lives. tonight, stone sober, he got mad when i said i didn't want to drink and said "how did the woman who made me start drinking again become so boring?" and i asked him if he was serious? he said he was. "you made me lose all my progress in sobriety because you wouldn't stop pushing me to drink." and i kind of lost it. i told him "well since i have all this control over you and can make you drink, i can make you stop right?" and right now i'm really considering separation because i have been trying to help him for 5 years now but i guess he just blames me for "making" him drink 5 years ago when i had only known him 2 weeks. [/INST] nta - some things to know about alcoholics: nobody *makes* them drink, they make the choice then find the most convenient person or event to blame for their choice. you can not help an alcoholic until they admit they have a problem and ask for/are ready to receive it. sobriety is something they have to want and work for every day for the rest of their lives. there are support groups for friends/loved ones of alcoholics. if you make the decision to stay, look for a local al-anon group. </s>
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WIBTA for returning my sons Christmas gifts after he wrecked his cousins brand new TV?
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so my son (14 m) and i were at the family christmas party last night which was being hosted by my sister, my sister has a couple of children but the one that matters to this story is my nephew (16 m), his main gift was a brand new tv as his old one was on its last legs.
while the boys were upstairs during the party playing videogames apparently things got a bit heated and they ended up throwing some hurtful words at each other, and my son ended up throwing a game controller hitting the tv by accident and wrecking the screen....i know he feels bad about this but the fact is he should never reacted like that and at 14 there is no other way he can get the money to buy a new one, would it be wrong of me to make him have his own gifts returned or should i try and find another way to sort things?
| 2,417 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rovrze/wibta_for_returning_my_sons_christmas_gifts_after/
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2021-12-26 12:10:42
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nta - you’re teaching your son that his actions have consequences and that he needs to be more careful with other people’s property. it may be a hard lesson, but hopefully that means he’ll think about it next time before he damages other people’s things in anger.
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are you returning the gifts to get cash repay the cousin for his tv? because no, that doesn’t make you an asshole. the main priority is getting the cousin his tv back and it comes out of your sons pocket. that’s how consequences work.
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nta - this was not an accident. he lost his temper and, due to that, there should absolutely be consequences. as he destroyed an expensive item, he will need to find a way to pay for it. one way is to return his gifts and use that money to replace the tv. tell him he has two weeks to find another way to come up with the money (at 14, legally, in the us, he can work) or he can return each of his gifts and present the funds to his cousin with an apology. also, no more video games until he can prove he has better control over his emotions.
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nta but don’t return - withhold - his christmas gifts until he’s worked off what he owes to replace the tv. you need leverage.
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you could replace the tv yourself and then have him do chores etc to work it off for you.
i would try and find another way before returning his gifts.
involve him in how to do this.
like "he son, you need to get 500$ somehow to replace that tv you broke. now i'm going to front it for you, but you'll have to pay me back. what do you think you can do to earn money?"
help him learn the value of the money and how to take responsibility. this is a much more effective way than just taking back his gifts so he's all done at once. this teaches him work ethic, responsibility and the value of money.
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nta sounds like he screwed up here. given that he's 14 i'm assuming that he has no other way to pay for what he's done so returning his presents totally reasonable. if i was in that situation yes i'd be annoyed about losing my gifts but i'd also recognise that i'd messed up and needed to fix things. if your son has any respect for you or his cousin then he'll act accordingly.
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nta. this sounds like the perfect opportunity for him to learn that actions have consequences. if it’s possible, maybe make him earn the money instead of returning his gifts. he will most likely resent you for taking away all of his xmas gifts.
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nta your idea is right. you still should discuss and explain to him in a clear way why his actions have consequences.
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nta, but yta if you don't find a way to replace the tv.
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nta. he needs to learn actions have consequences. at 14 he should not be having a tantrum and throwing things around.
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my son (14 m) and i were at the family christmas party last night which was being hosted by my sister, my sister has a couple of children but the one that matters to this story is my nephew (16 m), his main gift was a brand new tv as his old one was on its last legs. while the boys were upstairs during the party playing videogames apparently things got a bit heated and they ended up throwing some hurtful words at each other, and my son ended up throwing a game controller hitting the tv by accident and wrecking the screen....i know he feels bad about this but the fact is he should never reacted like that and at 14 there is no other way he can get the money to buy a new one, would it be wrong of me to make him have his own gifts returned or should i try and find another way to sort things?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my son (14 m) and i were at the family christmas party last night which was being hosted by my sister, my sister has a couple of children but the one that matters to this story is my nephew (16 m), his main gift was a brand new tv as his old one was on its last legs. while the boys were upstairs during the party playing videogames apparently things got a bit heated and they ended up throwing some hurtful words at each other, and my son ended up throwing a game controller hitting the tv by accident and wrecking the screen....i know he feels bad about this but the fact is he should never reacted like that and at 14 there is no other way he can get the money to buy a new one, would it be wrong of me to make him have his own gifts returned or should i try and find another way to sort things? [/INST] nta - you’re teaching your son that his actions have consequences and that he needs to be more careful with other people’s property. it may be a hard lesson, but hopefully that means he’ll think about it next time before he damages other people’s things in anger. </s>
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AITA for throwing up in front of the kids when forced to babysit?
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throwaway because this is embarrassing af. hopefully nobody breath a word of it outside except for this post.
i(18f) live in a rather small house with 8 other members, my parents, my younger sister, older sister, her husband and 3 kids(5f, 4m and 2m).
babysitting my little niece and nephews when my sister and bil work is one of our common duties, besides housework. it is usually me and sometimes my younger sister. it's not so bad once you're used to it.
last week, i was feeling terrible. nausea, dry throat and stuffy nose. i took a day leave from my school and kept to my room.
however, in the afternoon my mother woke me up from nap and asked me to watch the kids while she go out and buy something. i told her that i was feeling terrible but she insisted, saying that i have been sleeping the whole morning and should get up for some fresh air.
unwillingly i had to pick up my youngest nephew and tried to encourage him to play toys while the other 2 play with themselves nearby. my head was still spinning but i thought i'd just go back to bed when my mother comes back. it was fine for a while until i accidentally let my nose too near his head... his head has this terrible smell for some reason despite looking very clean.
anyway, the smell triggered a gag reflex and after a brief blackout i threw up all over the toys. the older 2 started shireking, and the youngest one, amused by the contents a little, kicked the toys so they spread even further and splashed a little.
i was busy giving the youngest one a shower when my mother came home with my father, sister and bil. everyone saw what went on, and the 2 older kids were throwing up themselves for some reason. anyway i don't really remember much details of the later parts, besides passing the toddler to my sister, took a shower myself and went back to bed. somebody other than me cleaned up the mess.
my mother was convinced that i did this on purpose to spite her for babysitting. my sister and father were more horrified that i passed germs and virus to the kids by being sick. my younger sister blames me too because after that incident all babysitting jobs went to her instead.
all i could use to defend myself was, hey i never asked to babysit, which apparently was the wrong answer too because it means i don't like my niece and nephews, which aren't true. anyway aita? i really hope not but please remind me otherwise.
| 2,619 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hvsnjp/aita_for_throwing_up_in_front_of_the_kids_when/
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2020-07-22 12:11:13
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nta but i am appalled your mom (and family) were ok about you being sick and still being around kids especially considering the current umm happenings.
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nta. you said clearly you were not feeling well. tbh, if i were sick, i would want someone to babysit me, not to be a babysitter
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where are you? please, please, please! move out and away from such toxic assholes. your mum knew you weren't feeling good, and yet left. your sister and bil are deciding to live at your house with 3 young kids and expect them to be cared for while they do what exactly?
i'm sorry but your family are horrible, genuinely horrible. obviously nta, you poor thing.
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nta
how the hell do you ask a sick person to babysit and get angry that they possibly spread germs to them?
your parents are out of their minds.
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nta, not even a little bit. they aren’t your responsibility and you warned your mother you were sick. stand up for yourself and let them know.
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nta. in my opinion the rest of your family are being ta. mother for forcing you to look after the kids while you are clearly sick (and contagious). your sister and her husband for blaming you for obeying your mother. your younger sister for blaming you for the extra babysitting work.
i hope you are feeling better. if not, i wouldn't address this event with your family until you are.
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how is this real? why would a person blame you for "purposely" vomiting?
edited to add nta.
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definitely nta. you took the day off from school due to illness and were forced to babysit regardless.
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oh my god op, this is the most cut and dry case of nta i have ever seen. you were ill. it’s not like you stuck your fingers down your throat to puke over their toys on purpose.
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nta you were sick, that is never your fault.
also, why the heck is babysitting one if your duties anyway? chores include household, but expecting you and your younger sister to take care of kids you never had a say in getting is ridiculous.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway because this is embarrassing af. hopefully nobody breath a word of it outside except for this post. i(18f) live in a rather small house with 8 other members, my parents, my younger sister, older sister, her husband and 3 kids(5f, 4m and 2m). babysitting my little niece and nephews when my sister and bil work is one of our common duties, besides housework. it is usually me and sometimes my younger sister. it's not so bad once you're used to it. last week, i was feeling terrible. nausea, dry throat and stuffy nose. i took a day leave from my school and kept to my room. however, in the afternoon my mother woke me up from nap and asked me to watch the kids while she go out and buy something. i told her that i was feeling terrible but she insisted, saying that i have been sleeping the whole morning and should get up for some fresh air. unwillingly i had to pick up my youngest nephew and tried to encourage him to play toys while the other 2 play with themselves nearby. my head was still spinning but i thought i'd just go back to bed when my mother comes back. it was fine for a while until i accidentally let my nose too near his head... his head has this terrible smell for some reason despite looking very clean. anyway, the smell triggered a gag reflex and after a brief blackout i threw up all over the toys. the older 2 started shireking, and the youngest one, amused by the contents a little, kicked the toys so they spread even further and splashed a little. i was busy giving the youngest one a shower when my mother came home with my father, sister and bil. everyone saw what went on, and the 2 older kids were throwing up themselves for some reason. anyway i don't really remember much details of the later parts, besides passing the toddler to my sister, took a shower myself and went back to bed. somebody other than me cleaned up the mess. my mother was convinced that i did this on purpose to spite her for babysitting. my sister and father were more horrified that i passed germs and virus to the kids by being sick. my younger sister blames me too because after that incident all babysitting jobs went to her instead. all i could use to defend myself was, hey i never asked to babysit, which apparently was the wrong answer too because it means i don't like my niece and nephews, which aren't true. anyway aita? i really hope not but please remind me otherwise.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because this is embarrassing af. hopefully nobody breath a word of it outside except for this post. i(18f) live in a rather small house with 8 other members, my parents, my younger sister, older sister, her husband and 3 kids(5f, 4m and 2m). babysitting my little niece and nephews when my sister and bil work is one of our common duties, besides housework. it is usually me and sometimes my younger sister. it's not so bad once you're used to it. last week, i was feeling terrible. nausea, dry throat and stuffy nose. i took a day leave from my school and kept to my room. however, in the afternoon my mother woke me up from nap and asked me to watch the kids while she go out and buy something. i told her that i was feeling terrible but she insisted, saying that i have been sleeping the whole morning and should get up for some fresh air. unwillingly i had to pick up my youngest nephew and tried to encourage him to play toys while the other 2 play with themselves nearby. my head was still spinning but i thought i'd just go back to bed when my mother comes back. it was fine for a while until i accidentally let my nose too near his head... his head has this terrible smell for some reason despite looking very clean. anyway, the smell triggered a gag reflex and after a brief blackout i threw up all over the toys. the older 2 started shireking, and the youngest one, amused by the contents a little, kicked the toys so they spread even further and splashed a little. i was busy giving the youngest one a shower when my mother came home with my father, sister and bil. everyone saw what went on, and the 2 older kids were throwing up themselves for some reason. anyway i don't really remember much details of the later parts, besides passing the toddler to my sister, took a shower myself and went back to bed. somebody other than me cleaned up the mess. my mother was convinced that i did this on purpose to spite her for babysitting. my sister and father were more horrified that i passed germs and virus to the kids by being sick. my younger sister blames me too because after that incident all babysitting jobs went to her instead. all i could use to defend myself was, hey i never asked to babysit, which apparently was the wrong answer too because it means i don't like my niece and nephews, which aren't true. anyway aita? i really hope not but please remind me otherwise. [/INST] nta but i am appalled your mom (and family) were ok about you being sick and still being around kids especially considering the current umm happenings. </s>
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AITA for not following the tradition of naming my son from my husband's family?
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me and my husband are pregnant with twins (yey!).
my husband's family, all the first men in the family have the same name and surname.
example: my husband's grandfather was called john will smith, my father-in-law john w. smith ii and my husband john w. smith iii and it's something taken only for the firstborn's families (so brothers, cousins don't have that name). this "i", "ii" and "iii" is what would correspond in english, but in my language it is much more tacky.
my husband was almost convincing me if one of the twins was a boy to follow that line, but when we found out they are 2 boys...
we both agree that this tradition gets to be tacky, but it's something familiar and yes, there's pressure from his family, but let's get to the points:
1. i want my last name in the name, so it was already a problem before we found out the sex of the babies, because they only have the great-grandfather's last name.
2. i don't want our other baby to feel bad about being born later and not being able to participate.
3. the bizarre resemblance to the monarchical system.
4. i gave examples of names, but the real ones are very long and the last name is very difficult to even write (29 letters total), so i think it's a difficult for a child to learn it.
5. my second child "couldn't" ave the same name.
so i said i didn't want to follow the tradition, because we won't have any other children besides the twins and i think it's ok to create new traditions or just let people go free. but i said that he could choose any other name, but this is something that despite that we're bothparents, we also have to protect our children and i don't think it's healthy to do that.
my husband is angry with me, saying that he is also a father and should be able to choose a name and that it was his desire/dream to follow tradition.
i won't even comment on his family's reaction, but my husband told them to stop pressuring me because of the pregnancy (high risk).
aita?
#extra: guys, these options of the names, i already suggested, but he wants the tradition, john will smith not ryan will smith or john caleb smith (example). that's our issue, he doesn't want to compromise on this way. yes, we talked before we had children, before marriage. the biggest problem is being twin boys. if it was a girl and a boy, i probably would have agreed. there's no way to predict that you'll have twins (exactly the amount you want to stop) and both will be boys. there are no cases of twins in the two families and no ivf.
| 875 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yaoc2v/aita_for_not_following_the_tradition_of_naming_my/
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2022-10-22 13:52:02
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nta. it’s an old, stupid tradition and he and his family need to get over themselves.
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nta.
tell him you are not not crying your kids name during sexy time.
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nta. i think both parents should agree on a name and both parents should have veto rights as well.
there was a name i loved, but my husband had a behavior problem student with that name and he immediately vetoed it. so we found another name.
i have cousins that have the firstborn male tradition like yours and now the son is just called "five". he is now 8 years old. he hates his name and has vowed to not keep up with the tradition. his father insists the tradition will continue because it is a tradition.
my husband didn't want any of our kids to be named after him, but he was okay with names that are similar. noah and nolan, for instance.
as for a 29 letter last name? yikes. i had 13 letters and it is cumbersome. people shorten it, it doesn't always fit onto legal documents and papers, it is often misspelled, no one makes an effort to learn it, it gets shortened without permission...
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nta. you are right in all your reasons. both parents must agree with the names, not just one parent.
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nta tell him yes he has say but you have an equal one. so that means you both have the power of veto and you need two yes's to agree on a name.
you have vetoed it - not just on grounds of tackiness but because this is a unique situation of twins and its not fair one is more special than the other. you cant do that to twins, its not fair based on one being born 2-3 mins later.
second when he married he chose to make a family with you - you both have the chance to make your own traditions for your own family
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nta. what a dumb fucking tradition.
do you ever wonder why there are no women named jennifer, jr.
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nta your husband is not entitled to follow this tradition against your will. his family for damn sure is not entitled to a say in **your** child's name.
for reasons unrelated to any family tradition, my wife and i had very different ideas about the name of a child. we had to create a compromise that worked for us both. we now love the names of our kids. hopefully you all can come up with something as well.
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nta. kids should have their own names, not be a i, ii, iii, etc. i think this is especially true in your case since the boys are twins. it would be weird to make one of them iv and no acknowledgement of tradition for the other. maybe part of the traditional name can be used as part of each child's name? ex. one has the middle name of john and the other will. ultimately you will have to find something both can agree on.
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nta. children deserve to have their own names. period.
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nta
it's tacky and if you name one after this tradition the other will feel second best
he still gets to have input on names, just not the tradition
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me and my husband are pregnant with twins (yey!). my husband's family, all the first men in the family have the same name and surname. example: my husband's grandfather was called john will smith, my father-in-law john w. smith ii and my husband john w. smith iii and it's something taken only for the firstborn's families (so brothers, cousins don't have that name). this "i", "ii" and "iii" is what would correspond in english, but in my language it is much more tacky. my husband was almost convincing me if one of the twins was a boy to follow that line, but when we found out they are 2 boys... we both agree that this tradition gets to be tacky, but it's something familiar and yes, there's pressure from his family, but let's get to the points: 1. i want my last name in the name, so it was already a problem before we found out the sex of the babies, because they only have the great-grandfather's last name. 2. i don't want our other baby to feel bad about being born later and not being able to participate. 3. the bizarre resemblance to the monarchical system. 4. i gave examples of names, but the real ones are very long and the last name is very difficult to even write (29 letters total), so i think it's a difficult for a child to learn it. 5. my second child "couldn't" ave the same name. so i said i didn't want to follow the tradition, because we won't have any other children besides the twins and i think it's ok to create new traditions or just let people go free. but i said that he could choose any other name, but this is something that despite that we're bothparents, we also have to protect our children and i don't think it's healthy to do that. my husband is angry with me, saying that he is also a father and should be able to choose a name and that it was his desire/dream to follow tradition. i won't even comment on his family's reaction, but my husband told them to stop pressuring me because of the pregnancy (high risk). aita? #extra: guys, these options of the names, i already suggested, but he wants the tradition, john will smith not ryan will smith or john caleb smith (example). that's our issue, he doesn't want to compromise on this way. yes, we talked before we had children, before marriage. the biggest problem is being twin boys. if it was a girl and a boy, i probably would have agreed. there's no way to predict that you'll have twins (exactly the amount you want to stop) and both will be boys. there are no cases of twins in the two families and no ivf.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me and my husband are pregnant with twins (yey!). my husband's family, all the first men in the family have the same name and surname. example: my husband's grandfather was called john will smith, my father-in-law john w. smith ii and my husband john w. smith iii and it's something taken only for the firstborn's families (so brothers, cousins don't have that name). this "i", "ii" and "iii" is what would correspond in english, but in my language it is much more tacky. my husband was almost convincing me if one of the twins was a boy to follow that line, but when we found out they are 2 boys... we both agree that this tradition gets to be tacky, but it's something familiar and yes, there's pressure from his family, but let's get to the points: 1. i want my last name in the name, so it was already a problem before we found out the sex of the babies, because they only have the great-grandfather's last name. 2. i don't want our other baby to feel bad about being born later and not being able to participate. 3. the bizarre resemblance to the monarchical system. 4. i gave examples of names, but the real ones are very long and the last name is very difficult to even write (29 letters total), so i think it's a difficult for a child to learn it. 5. my second child "couldn't" ave the same name. so i said i didn't want to follow the tradition, because we won't have any other children besides the twins and i think it's ok to create new traditions or just let people go free. but i said that he could choose any other name, but this is something that despite that we're bothparents, we also have to protect our children and i don't think it's healthy to do that. my husband is angry with me, saying that he is also a father and should be able to choose a name and that it was his desire/dream to follow tradition. i won't even comment on his family's reaction, but my husband told them to stop pressuring me because of the pregnancy (high risk). aita? #extra: guys, these options of the names, i already suggested, but he wants the tradition, john will smith not ryan will smith or john caleb smith (example). that's our issue, he doesn't want to compromise on this way. yes, we talked before we had children, before marriage. the biggest problem is being twin boys. if it was a girl and a boy, i probably would have agreed. there's no way to predict that you'll have twins (exactly the amount you want to stop) and both will be boys. there are no cases of twins in the two families and no ivf. [/INST] nta. it’s an old, stupid tradition and he and his family need to get over themselves. </s>
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AITA for not letting my son visit his father overnight
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ok so first off my son is a little over a year old and was born @ 22 weeks. he has a few health problems and sensory issues. his father lives in a halfway house with at least 5 other people. my son barely knows his father as he is barely around and blames everyone but himself for not being around. he cries everytime i pass him to his dad he has a melt down. i told him he can come over and spend time getting to know him so that maybe when he is older they can have sleep overs when he gets his own place. he even has permission to come and spend nights here till he is ready to transition to taking him for the night. the problem is he thinks that since it's his son he shouldn't have to follow my suggestions on how to keep the baby comfortable and from crying all day. he says that he can just break my son's sensory issues after just one day of spending daddy son bonding time and that's concerning cause the specialist my son sees say it will take time and management to get him over it if possible. he threatened to take him away several times because i'm "spoiling him and turning him into a bitch." i have had my friends and family say that it would be better if i just let my son spend the night with his father and maybe he will break his bad habits. he doesn't have any bad habits though. he is 1. but i have lots of people telling me to just let him watch him cause a boy needs a father. i'm starting to feel like maybe i should be more lenient on him and let him take my son but every time i even think of doing it i get a bad feeling. there is a lot of other things that make me feel uncomfortable with him taking him but this is just why people say i'm being petty. am i justified in not letting him go or aita.
| 278 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s6bcmg/aita_for_not_letting_my_son_visit_his_father/
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2022-01-17 18:43:08
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nta.your son’s father is delusional. a) he lives in a halfway house. b) there’s a pandemic. can you really be sure everyone in that house is vaccinated/willing to mask up when the baby is there? c) most importantly, your baby’s dad is not willing to follow the doctor’s advice regarding sensory issues.
the man is simply not willing to put the needs of the child first. do not listen to anyone telling you to just let him take him for overnights. if he is not willing to listen to you about how to handle the child, he should not have unsupervised visits. you may want to contact a family law attorney to confirm your rights and his.
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op.
1. please go to family court and get 100% sole physical custody
get dad a visitation schedule with rules to follow.
the first rule is if he wants to spend time with his son, he has to do it at your place. not a halfway house.
2. friends & family:
what bad habits can a 1 year old have.
these people are not medical experts nor do they have education or training on your son's health problems
do not let these people talk you into ddoing anything you feel uncomfortable doing.
3. he says that he can **just break my son's sensory issues** **after just one day** of spending daddy son bonding time
please ask him how?
ask him what type of training or education does he have concerning your child
this does not feel right and do not trust him with that statement.
omg.. this scared me
4. he threatened to take him away several times
empty threats.
he does not have stable housing
no type of knowledge of your child's health problems
does he even know about your child dr's appointment or what he is supposed to do in case of a medical crisis
does he even know how to tend to a child with health issues
5. you are not being petty when it comes to protecting your child
these same people will not be there for you if he hurts/harm your child
they will turn on you saying you should have known better.
6. document everything.
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are all of the people in your life insane?? your son's father lives in a halfway house. that's no place for young children! if your ex is genuinely trying to get his life back on track then i commend him for his efforts, but there shouldn't be any overnight visits with your son until he's back on his feet and has a home of his own that is fit for a child to live in.
nta. if your ex is mad about it then tough, making sure your baby is safe is *your* job. his dad can use that anger to fuel his determination in straightening his life out, and if/when he does he can say "i told you i'd do it" all he wants. until then, protect your son without compromise, even if it makes other people angry. they'll survive.
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nta.
you had me at halfway house.
fuck no.
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nta. do not leave your son alone with his dad. what is the custody agreement? it sound like dad's situation would warrent supervised visits only and parenting classes to learn how to care for his special needs son. lawyer up if you haven't done so already.
your mom instincts are spot on. he is not fit to care for your son unsupervised and do not allow him to sleep over, he could wisk you son away while you sleep.
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nta but this is way over reddit’s pay grade. you need to talk to your lawyer about restricting his visitation to only supervised time because the father is refusing to follow medical advice. and a halfway house is no place for a kid.
your ex has shown no faith healing abilities.
(if you can’t afford a lawyer, contact cps and tell them you need help with changing the visitation.)
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"a boy needs a father" is a misogynistic piece of bullshit. children (of any gender) need to be safe and warm and loved. it doesn't need to be a father specifically. but children do need someone to protect them from people who would harm them.
tell those people to pound sand. nta.
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please don’t allow your son to be alone with that man he’s totally clueless. you need to apply to the court for your ex to have supervised visits only. your ex has no idea & could do your son a lot of emotional damage. you need to let your solicitor know that he has threatened to run off with your child. you can’t just “break” sensory processing problems, it’s not a bad habit, it’s not bad behaviour, it’s a condition that needs very careful handling by professionals.
you need to advocate for your child, don’t let that man be alone with your child. if you’re afraid of your ex get a protection order .
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nta, go with what you suggested, a halfway house is not a good place for a 1 year old that has health problems and sensory issues. the fact he refuses to even stay over at yours when he’s allowed to is a major red flag. also “he thinks he can break my sons sensory issues” sounds worrying af. my great uncle had that mentality about me (i’m autistic) i ended up being brought to the hospital (by his wife) at 3 with bruises and scrapes. not saying your ex will do this but i’d try to get sole custody with visitations until you know your baby is safe with him and he has a place.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok so first off my son is a little over a year old and was born @ 22 weeks. he has a few health problems and sensory issues. his father lives in a halfway house with at least 5 other people. my son barely knows his father as he is barely around and blames everyone but himself for not being around. he cries everytime i pass him to his dad he has a melt down. i told him he can come over and spend time getting to know him so that maybe when he is older they can have sleep overs when he gets his own place. he even has permission to come and spend nights here till he is ready to transition to taking him for the night. the problem is he thinks that since it's his son he shouldn't have to follow my suggestions on how to keep the baby comfortable and from crying all day. he says that he can just break my son's sensory issues after just one day of spending daddy son bonding time and that's concerning cause the specialist my son sees say it will take time and management to get him over it if possible. he threatened to take him away several times because i'm "spoiling him and turning him into a bitch." i have had my friends and family say that it would be better if i just let my son spend the night with his father and maybe he will break his bad habits. he doesn't have any bad habits though. he is 1. but i have lots of people telling me to just let him watch him cause a boy needs a father. i'm starting to feel like maybe i should be more lenient on him and let him take my son but every time i even think of doing it i get a bad feeling. there is a lot of other things that make me feel uncomfortable with him taking him but this is just why people say i'm being petty. am i justified in not letting him go or aita.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ok so first off my son is a little over a year old and was born @ 22 weeks. he has a few health problems and sensory issues. his father lives in a halfway house with at least 5 other people. my son barely knows his father as he is barely around and blames everyone but himself for not being around. he cries everytime i pass him to his dad he has a melt down. i told him he can come over and spend time getting to know him so that maybe when he is older they can have sleep overs when he gets his own place. he even has permission to come and spend nights here till he is ready to transition to taking him for the night. the problem is he thinks that since it's his son he shouldn't have to follow my suggestions on how to keep the baby comfortable and from crying all day. he says that he can just break my son's sensory issues after just one day of spending daddy son bonding time and that's concerning cause the specialist my son sees say it will take time and management to get him over it if possible. he threatened to take him away several times because i'm "spoiling him and turning him into a bitch." i have had my friends and family say that it would be better if i just let my son spend the night with his father and maybe he will break his bad habits. he doesn't have any bad habits though. he is 1. but i have lots of people telling me to just let him watch him cause a boy needs a father. i'm starting to feel like maybe i should be more lenient on him and let him take my son but every time i even think of doing it i get a bad feeling. there is a lot of other things that make me feel uncomfortable with him taking him but this is just why people say i'm being petty. am i justified in not letting him go or aita. [/INST] nta.your son’s father is delusional. a) he lives in a halfway house. b) there’s a pandemic. can you really be sure everyone in that house is vaccinated/willing to mask up when the baby is there? c) most importantly, your baby’s dad is not willing to follow the doctor’s advice regarding sensory issues. the man is simply not willing to put the needs of the child first. do not listen to anyone telling you to just let him take him for overnights. if he is not willing to listen to you about how to handle the child, he should not have unsupervised visits. you may want to contact a family law attorney to confirm your rights and his. </s>
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AITA for not remembering something told to me six months ago, and ruining my parents' reputation?
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before i start, i apologise if i make my family sound mean. my parents are amazing people who worked extremely hard to get where they are.
so, i'm 16. if you're english, you know about some exam results i got in august, which are extremely important for everything from university applications to jobs. in american perspectives, i got an a+, three as, two bs and two cs. i also got the highest grade in music.
my family is indian, so studying is like, extremely important for pride and reputations' sake. i was told to only say vaguely what grades i got when talking to family members. nobody asked me since like september, so i pretty much forgot.
i went to one of my family members' house today, and they asked me about my grades. so i say that i got some (no exact numbers) of all the grades i said, except the c grades.
my parents said nothing, and when we were in our car coming home, my dad said out of nowhere that i shouldn't have said that, and that i should have remembered what was said 6 months ago. i ask him what he meant and he supposedly told them i got straight as and that i embarrassed my parents and ruined their reputation. thing is, i didn't know he said that and i said that without knowing.
we got into an argument due to that, and he said that he wanted me to get good grades so he could show what he was. this really hurt me, but at the same time i don't know if i should be selfish about this. so aita?
| 176 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eubiwz/aita_for_not_remembering_something_told_to_me_six/
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2020-01-26 19:37:04
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nta. dad sounds ashamed of your grades, but that’s his problem, not yours.
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nta. your parents lied and expected you to cover for them. that's some pretty poor parenting example there. if they want to lie, that's on them; you shouldn't be expected to know and keep track of their lies.
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nta
your parents are being ridiculous. they lied about your grades for their own self aggrandizement, and you accidentally exposed their lies.
mig they don’t want to be embarrassed and look bad, they shouldn’t be lying about your accomplishments.
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nta. they should not have asked you to speak vaguely if they meant lie. and they shouldn’t have asked you to lie, either. you are not defined by your grades and i wish your parents could see this.
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i don't know indian culture and how strict it is in terms of obeying what was said..
i'm still calling nta, they should not have been bragging with your (upgraded) grades, especially without even telling you!
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nta. it sucks to feel used by your parents. you didn’t do anything wrong and can’t be expected to remember something they said 6 months ago.
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nta i don't care what culture you're from, your dad's behaviour is sucktacular. he lied and wanted you to back his lie up? that's not cultural,that's just wrong
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nta
the whole (mostly asian, whether yellow skinned or brown skinned) obsession with "saving face" is such a farce.
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: before i start, i apologise if i make my family sound mean. my parents are amazing people who worked extremely hard to get where they are. so, i'm 16. if you're english, you know about some exam results i got in august, which are extremely important for everything from university applications to jobs. in american perspectives, i got an a+, three as, two bs and two cs. i also got the highest grade in music. my family is indian, so studying is like, extremely important for pride and reputations' sake. i was told to only say vaguely what grades i got when talking to family members. nobody asked me since like september, so i pretty much forgot. i went to one of my family members' house today, and they asked me about my grades. so i say that i got some (no exact numbers) of all the grades i said, except the c grades. my parents said nothing, and when we were in our car coming home, my dad said out of nowhere that i shouldn't have said that, and that i should have remembered what was said 6 months ago. i ask him what he meant and he supposedly told them i got straight as and that i embarrassed my parents and ruined their reputation. thing is, i didn't know he said that and i said that without knowing. we got into an argument due to that, and he said that he wanted me to get good grades so he could show what he was. this really hurt me, but at the same time i don't know if i should be selfish about this. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
before i start, i apologise if i make my family sound mean. my parents are amazing people who worked extremely hard to get where they are. so, i'm 16. if you're english, you know about some exam results i got in august, which are extremely important for everything from university applications to jobs. in american perspectives, i got an a+, three as, two bs and two cs. i also got the highest grade in music. my family is indian, so studying is like, extremely important for pride and reputations' sake. i was told to only say vaguely what grades i got when talking to family members. nobody asked me since like september, so i pretty much forgot. i went to one of my family members' house today, and they asked me about my grades. so i say that i got some (no exact numbers) of all the grades i said, except the c grades. my parents said nothing, and when we were in our car coming home, my dad said out of nowhere that i shouldn't have said that, and that i should have remembered what was said 6 months ago. i ask him what he meant and he supposedly told them i got straight as and that i embarrassed my parents and ruined their reputation. thing is, i didn't know he said that and i said that without knowing. we got into an argument due to that, and he said that he wanted me to get good grades so he could show what he was. this really hurt me, but at the same time i don't know if i should be selfish about this. so aita? [/INST] nta. dad sounds ashamed of your grades, but that’s his problem, not yours. </s>
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AITA for not wanting my future MIL to move in with us?
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context: i (f,30) grew up in a traditional american household and independent from my parents once i started working and moved out. my partner (m,32) and his family emigrated when he was a toddler. his mother holds to traditional asian values, where filial piety is expected.
worsened by the pandemic loneliness,his mother wants to move with us into our new place when we settle down next year. i’m 100% against it. he isn’t thrilled with having to live with his mom but he thinks we have no choice because we can’t afford to rent her a place near us, nor are there relatives she can stay with as bil is studying at uni.
i don’t want to deal with ultimatums but i don’t think i can mentally take living with my mil. she’s lovely and we get on well, it’s just living together would expose too much of our differences and cause stress. aita for saying in our last discussion, if it came down to it he’d have to choose between living with his mom or me?
| 1,365 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nn2zdj/aita_for_not_wanting_my_future_mil_to_move_in/
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2021-05-28 17:30:00
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nta for not wanting to live with your future mother in law. but, if you make that ultimatum, be prepared to lose.
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[deleted]
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nah
everyone has their limits. if this is yours, and you’re ready to end the relationship over it, that’s your place to decide. you’re not wrong for knowing what’s best for you.
on the other hand, if this is important to him and he’s ready to end the relationship over it, he’s not wrong either.
sometimes people’s wants/needs just aren’t compatible.
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nah or esh. before living together or getting married (you said mil so i’m assuming) you talk about such stuff.
i’m indian and living with your parents or your parents living with you in their final years (or honestly most of your life especially if you’re a guy) is the norm for most generations. not as much for this generation, especially those who leave their asian country.
so he should’ve know before getting into a serious relationship, that this would be important to discuss. so this is something your partner and you should have discussed at some point or the other, and part of that blame (the bigger chunk) is on him.
but at the same time, wouldnt you discuss what your familial obligations would be like in case, god forbid, either of your parents/close elder relatives got older/sick and couldn’t live alone?
i respect you not wanting to live with your mil. that is a normal boundary, but really one that shouldve been discussed.
i think you guys need to figure out an amiable solution that suits you, your partner and your mil’s needs, someone makes a big compromise, or break up.
seriously a sucky situation, but i hope you all figure something out that works for all of you.
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nta - be prepared for him to choose his mother if it comes down to that. r/relationship_advice
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info:
is his mother financially dependent on your fiance for housing, bills, and money because she has no income or savings?
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nah however i wouldn't be surprised if this ends your relationship depending on the pressure from family and how your partner typically manages that.
are there 55 and over apartment complexes you could help her find? or depending on where you live and if you're buying is a place with an in-law apartment with more separation possible?
did your partner never mention this possibility to you early in your relationship? if not, he is ta as he should have known this might be suggested some day.
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nta for not wanting this, but expect that this will result in a lot of friction.
while we were dating (we are asian americans) we both said upfront that we were expected to care of our parents if the time came including living with one or all of them. twenty years later here we are, living with one of them in our home and planning on moving the other two in with us soon.
when we started dating, we talked about this extensively. and i would have had the conversation with anyone i dated. this was a non-negotiable for me and for my husband.
it has been nearly a decade since my mom moved in. she is largely disabled so we need to care for her. but i don't regret the choice and i don't regret it when his parents move in either. however, this is not for everyone and you both need to be on the same page.
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nah. you are not the asshole for not wanting to live with his mother. but he also isn’t the asshole for wanting to move his mother in and uphold his cultural practices. it’s up to you two to see if it’s a dealbreaker.
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nta but be ready for whatever side he chooses.
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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INFO
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| 0.037037 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: context: i (f,30) grew up in a traditional american household and independent from my parents once i started working and moved out. my partner (m,32) and his family emigrated when he was a toddler. his mother holds to traditional asian values, where filial piety is expected. worsened by the pandemic loneliness,his mother wants to move with us into our new place when we settle down next year. i’m 100% against it. he isn’t thrilled with having to live with his mom but he thinks we have no choice because we can’t afford to rent her a place near us, nor are there relatives she can stay with as bil is studying at uni. i don’t want to deal with ultimatums but i don’t think i can mentally take living with my mil. she’s lovely and we get on well, it’s just living together would expose too much of our differences and cause stress. aita for saying in our last discussion, if it came down to it he’d have to choose between living with his mom or me?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
context: i (f,30) grew up in a traditional american household and independent from my parents once i started working and moved out. my partner (m,32) and his family emigrated when he was a toddler. his mother holds to traditional asian values, where filial piety is expected. worsened by the pandemic loneliness,his mother wants to move with us into our new place when we settle down next year. i’m 100% against it. he isn’t thrilled with having to live with his mom but he thinks we have no choice because we can’t afford to rent her a place near us, nor are there relatives she can stay with as bil is studying at uni. i don’t want to deal with ultimatums but i don’t think i can mentally take living with my mil. she’s lovely and we get on well, it’s just living together would expose too much of our differences and cause stress. aita for saying in our last discussion, if it came down to it he’d have to choose between living with his mom or me? [/INST] nta for not wanting to live with your future mother in law. but, if you make that ultimatum, be prepared to lose. </s>
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AITA for bringing sparkling cider in wine-like bottles to a sober-guy’s party celebrating his sobriety?
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my good friend is in his early 50s and quit drinking four years ago because of a near-death experience that nearly cost not only his own life, but his entire family and possibly other innocent people (he was driving a car intoxicated with his family inside).
he went to therapy and now every year on a certain anniversary of going sober, he has a little party at his condo. i’m a little younger than most of his other friends as i only recently met him the past couple of years at work (we are in engineering), so this was the first such party of his i attended.
i usually bring a bottle of wine to dinners or a case of beer to a party because i don’t cook, but since i knew this was a sober party and that it would have about twenty people, i just brought several bottles of that non alcohol sparkling cider they sell, that comes in champagne style bottles and that is often served at high school proms and stuff.
the party was fun; lots of good talk about all sorts of things, we watched that new dc movie on hbo now as a group, ate pizza, the man’s kids were there too and some other parents brought their teenage children, and the kids all played playstation in another room.
i noticed that lots of guests brought non alcoholic beer, and people drank things (including the cider i brought) out of wine glasses or champagne flutes and beer steins.
i had a good time and other than a short, one minute long speech the guy made around midnight with his wife and two teenage kids beside him, thanking us all for coming and talking about the value of life, etcetera, he never really mentioned his sobriety.
i didn’t think much about the party afterward, until i received a message from an unknown number.
my friend had included lots of our numbers in a big group chat talking about the party earlier, to coordinate, so i saw several numbers i did not know on my phone. my friend actually identified me by name when i asked a question regarding driving directions, so this is probably how the mystery number knew who i was.
the message (outside of group chat) said, precisely and with the same capitalization:
it was so tacky of you to bring wine bottles to a guy who’s celebrating his new life without alcohol. good going, jackass.
i felt horrible, and replied to the number, “who is this?”
i never got a reply, and it’s been eating away at me ever since.
never approached my friend about it because i don’t want to cause drama.
the number can’t be from the man’s wife or kids, since the group chat was just about how to get to the house, what time, etc.
looking back at the night, i was enjoying everyone’s company and had no idea anyone was mad at me. at the same time, i feel awful, especially if i made a social faux-pas.
aita here? did i make a bad move?
| 231 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/miyqyt/aita_for_bringing_sparkling_cider_in_winelike/
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2021-04-03 01:43:36
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nta - i'm assuming you got like martinellis or something? that's a super well known drink (and very well known for being non-alcoholic). no one would mistake it for alcohol.
it sounds like that person was just fixing for a fight.
(btw, as a sober person, if you brought that sparkling cider to my party, you'd be my new best friend. that stuff is awesome, and it's my nye drink of choice!)
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nta, this person sounds like they just want to pick a fight.
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nta! your friend is probably very much aware of sparkling cider. in your place, i would have replied back to this individual that he should not assume, and should make himself aware as to what is sparkling cider.
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it's not like you were the only person bringing and/or using containers typically associated with alcohol. if the host didn't seem upset then i think you're nta. the person who sent the text, on the other hand...
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nta.
first, you didn't brought alcohol so you are all good.
then, if a wuss is unable to name itself while levelling accusations against you, you can discard them easily. grown adults can vent their disagreements in your face, not like anonymous cowards.
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[deleted]
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nta, but i'd ask mr sobriety all the same to make sure he's cool with it. i'm assuming he is, since no one complained about the near beer.
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nta - in my opinion sparking cider is a nothing drink for anyone alcoholic or otherwise. however non-alcoholic beer is way worse than cider any day. i’d call that number and put them right on the spot, and let them have it for being an asshole. people like that think they can do crap like that without consequence, so don’t hesitate to stand up for yourself and let the, have it.
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nta at all. based on the text it sounds like the person thought you brought actual wine.
info: is it possible they saw you arrive with the bottles without knowing what was actually in them? either way they are ta for calling you out like that. i think you should clarify that back to them.
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nta. the asshole is the guy who anonymously berated you about something that a ton of people were doing and the guy who was hosting the party seemed to have no issue with
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my good friend is in his early 50s and quit drinking four years ago because of a near-death experience that nearly cost not only his own life, but his entire family and possibly other innocent people (he was driving a car intoxicated with his family inside). he went to therapy and now every year on a certain anniversary of going sober, he has a little party at his condo. i’m a little younger than most of his other friends as i only recently met him the past couple of years at work (we are in engineering), so this was the first such party of his i attended. i usually bring a bottle of wine to dinners or a case of beer to a party because i don’t cook, but since i knew this was a sober party and that it would have about twenty people, i just brought several bottles of that non alcohol sparkling cider they sell, that comes in champagne style bottles and that is often served at high school proms and stuff. the party was fun; lots of good talk about all sorts of things, we watched that new dc movie on hbo now as a group, ate pizza, the man’s kids were there too and some other parents brought their teenage children, and the kids all played playstation in another room. i noticed that lots of guests brought non alcoholic beer, and people drank things (including the cider i brought) out of wine glasses or champagne flutes and beer steins. i had a good time and other than a short, one minute long speech the guy made around midnight with his wife and two teenage kids beside him, thanking us all for coming and talking about the value of life, etcetera, he never really mentioned his sobriety. i didn’t think much about the party afterward, until i received a message from an unknown number. my friend had included lots of our numbers in a big group chat talking about the party earlier, to coordinate, so i saw several numbers i did not know on my phone. my friend actually identified me by name when i asked a question regarding driving directions, so this is probably how the mystery number knew who i was. the message (outside of group chat) said, precisely and with the same capitalization: it was so tacky of you to bring wine bottles to a guy who’s celebrating his new life without alcohol. good going, jackass. i felt horrible, and replied to the number, “who is this?” i never got a reply, and it’s been eating away at me ever since. never approached my friend about it because i don’t want to cause drama. the number can’t be from the man’s wife or kids, since the group chat was just about how to get to the house, what time, etc. looking back at the night, i was enjoying everyone’s company and had no idea anyone was mad at me. at the same time, i feel awful, especially if i made a social faux-pas. aita here? did i make a bad move?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my good friend is in his early 50s and quit drinking four years ago because of a near-death experience that nearly cost not only his own life, but his entire family and possibly other innocent people (he was driving a car intoxicated with his family inside). he went to therapy and now every year on a certain anniversary of going sober, he has a little party at his condo. i’m a little younger than most of his other friends as i only recently met him the past couple of years at work (we are in engineering), so this was the first such party of his i attended. i usually bring a bottle of wine to dinners or a case of beer to a party because i don’t cook, but since i knew this was a sober party and that it would have about twenty people, i just brought several bottles of that non alcohol sparkling cider they sell, that comes in champagne style bottles and that is often served at high school proms and stuff. the party was fun; lots of good talk about all sorts of things, we watched that new dc movie on hbo now as a group, ate pizza, the man’s kids were there too and some other parents brought their teenage children, and the kids all played playstation in another room. i noticed that lots of guests brought non alcoholic beer, and people drank things (including the cider i brought) out of wine glasses or champagne flutes and beer steins. i had a good time and other than a short, one minute long speech the guy made around midnight with his wife and two teenage kids beside him, thanking us all for coming and talking about the value of life, etcetera, he never really mentioned his sobriety. i didn’t think much about the party afterward, until i received a message from an unknown number. my friend had included lots of our numbers in a big group chat talking about the party earlier, to coordinate, so i saw several numbers i did not know on my phone. my friend actually identified me by name when i asked a question regarding driving directions, so this is probably how the mystery number knew who i was. the message (outside of group chat) said, precisely and with the same capitalization: it was so tacky of you to bring wine bottles to a guy who’s celebrating his new life without alcohol. good going, jackass. i felt horrible, and replied to the number, “who is this?” i never got a reply, and it’s been eating away at me ever since. never approached my friend about it because i don’t want to cause drama. the number can’t be from the man’s wife or kids, since the group chat was just about how to get to the house, what time, etc. looking back at the night, i was enjoying everyone’s company and had no idea anyone was mad at me. at the same time, i feel awful, especially if i made a social faux-pas. aita here? did i make a bad move? [/INST] nta - i'm assuming you got like martinellis or something? that's a super well known drink (and very well known for being non-alcoholic). no one would mistake it for alcohol. it sounds like that person was just fixing for a fight. (btw, as a sober person, if you brought that sparkling cider to my party, you'd be my new best friend. that stuff is awesome, and it's my nye drink of choice!) </s>
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AITA for being "too explicit" while talking sex?
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full disclosure i'm not someone to talk sex casually, except with my closest friends. however i was recently hanging out with a group of colleagues and acquaintances from my old internship. we drank too much and the conversation was more open than normally.
basically two girls in the group started talking about some drama with a crazy guy from tinder. that's what got everyone interested in the relationship and sex topic.
someone else told a story about a friend's ex-gf who wouldn't talk dirty, get eaten out or be on top during sex, which led the couple to break up. so i mentioned my ex-bf (i'm also a guy, they know i'm gay) who was a jerk but really good in bed because he knew how to talk dirty well, pull hair and generally do the kinkier stuff.
the guy whose story i was responding to seemed embarrassed, while the others laughed awkwardly and basically said: okay man, we know you're gay, we don't need to know all the private details.
so i felt weird for the rest of the evening for apparently killing that part of the conversation and i've been wondering whether i'm ta for being "too explicit" (even though everyone else was talking sex life, though technically not directly their own) or if they were just being too squeamish about gay sex?
| 311 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cl0smx/aita_for_being_too_explicit_while_talking_sex/
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2019-08-02 07:14:17
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nta lol they were literally just discussing a girl not liking getting eaten out and dirty talking, now they're suddenly squeamish about similar acts being mentioned but with gay context? tell them to fuck off next time.
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nta, next time they do sex talk, chime in with a "jeez. we know you're straight. we get it."
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nta - it’s annoying that explicitly talking about straight sex is okay but you participating somehow isn’t. what you said was applicable to the conversation. shutting you down was bigoted.
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nta... sounds like they’re a little bit homophobic. you essentially repeated what the other guy said but with a gay couple. i don’t get their problem.
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clear double standard. nta
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nta.
&#x200b;
if i am giving them the benefit of the doubt i think maybe it was kinda weird because the guy that you were replying to was not talking about himself but instead about a friend. you replied with a story about you and how you like it in bed. i would have personally found that to be strange but not thought much of it.
&#x200b;
if i am being a cynic they are being unintentionally homophobic.
&#x200b;
in reality i think it is a mix of the two leaning more towards the former.
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nta
that group is likely homophobic - the fact that they were okay listening to stories involving sex and women but shamed you for your experience is enough to show you they’re probably not people you want to hang out with
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nta, that's very clear homophobia.
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i'm a gay guy, this is completely normal.
i wouldn't call it homophobia or anything, but to people who aren't used having these types of convos with gay people, it makes them really uncomfortable.
it doesn't matter the context, in conversations where they talk about detailed sexual actions, me talking about making out with my boyfriend can be too much for them.
its kinda shitty yeah, but it's not going to change any time soon.
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nta it sounds like they have categories of people whose participation is tmi, not topics that are tmi. they’re acting like someone’s grandma unexpectedly overheard and chimed in, but you aren’t an outsider and you didn’t intrude, you were part of the group all along.
i kinda feel like everyone discovered they had some latent homophobia they didn’t know about, and it got uncomfortable because they realized how they were ta as soon as they reacted differently to your story vs anyone else’s. if dude hadn’t said what he did, i’d be asking how weird ‘kinkier stuff’ might have been compared to the other stories shared (there’s always those people who want to launch into fetish monologuing like they’ve joined a mlm for it) but it doesn’t sound like it was that.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: full disclosure i'm not someone to talk sex casually, except with my closest friends. however i was recently hanging out with a group of colleagues and acquaintances from my old internship. we drank too much and the conversation was more open than normally. basically two girls in the group started talking about some drama with a crazy guy from tinder. that's what got everyone interested in the relationship and sex topic. someone else told a story about a friend's ex-gf who wouldn't talk dirty, get eaten out or be on top during sex, which led the couple to break up. so i mentioned my ex-bf (i'm also a guy, they know i'm gay) who was a jerk but really good in bed because he knew how to talk dirty well, pull hair and generally do the kinkier stuff. the guy whose story i was responding to seemed embarrassed, while the others laughed awkwardly and basically said: okay man, we know you're gay, we don't need to know all the private details. so i felt weird for the rest of the evening for apparently killing that part of the conversation and i've been wondering whether i'm ta for being "too explicit" (even though everyone else was talking sex life, though technically not directly their own) or if they were just being too squeamish about gay sex?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
full disclosure i'm not someone to talk sex casually, except with my closest friends. however i was recently hanging out with a group of colleagues and acquaintances from my old internship. we drank too much and the conversation was more open than normally. basically two girls in the group started talking about some drama with a crazy guy from tinder. that's what got everyone interested in the relationship and sex topic. someone else told a story about a friend's ex-gf who wouldn't talk dirty, get eaten out or be on top during sex, which led the couple to break up. so i mentioned my ex-bf (i'm also a guy, they know i'm gay) who was a jerk but really good in bed because he knew how to talk dirty well, pull hair and generally do the kinkier stuff. the guy whose story i was responding to seemed embarrassed, while the others laughed awkwardly and basically said: okay man, we know you're gay, we don't need to know all the private details. so i felt weird for the rest of the evening for apparently killing that part of the conversation and i've been wondering whether i'm ta for being "too explicit" (even though everyone else was talking sex life, though technically not directly their own) or if they were just being too squeamish about gay sex? [/INST] nta lol they were literally just discussing a girl not liking getting eaten out and dirty talking, now they're suddenly squeamish about similar acts being mentioned but with gay context? tell them to fuck off next time. </s>
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AITA for calling my boyfriend and his family selfish ad that I won't be spending the holidays with them?
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i, 25 f, have been dating my boyfriend, 22 m, for 3 years. i moved out of state to where he lived to make it work better and to get to know where he is from, in the process i left my mom, 18 year old sister, and grandmother behind along with my friends. in september my mom called saying that my grandmother, now 73, isn't doing too well health wise and that she wanted me to come back up there to spend some time with her just in case. i talked it over with my boyfriend, who then told his family (who told me that it wasn't fair for me to put others above my boyfriend and relationship.) we ended up coming to an agreement that i'd spend thanksgiving and christmas with my family, the first time in 3 years i might add, and i'd be back after.
a little background info. when i moved down there, i was pretty much made to feel like his family was my new family and that my own family was 2nd best. the only time i saw them was for 2 weeks in the summer and i even missed my sisters first day of high school and a lot of huge milestones. while i've bee gone i've kept my boyfriend in the loop and told him exactly what's going on and when as well as the fact that my grandmother will be having to go someplace that can give her round the clock care as she's starting to show signs of dementia.
now, he's saying that he no longer wants me to spend anymore time with them and if i decide to he's sending my stuff back and getting rid of my pets. his mother also called me to ask my side, but when i told her about the previous arrangement she said i needed to put my relationship first and not everyone else and that it will be my own fault if it doesn't work out between us. she is also aware of my grandmother's health and things like that. after that the 3 of us had a conference call and i once again was made to be the villain despite what we had agreed on. i ended up calling both of them selfish and told them i wouldn't want to spend the holidays with such hateful people knowing what they do. they went on to say that i was being selfish and putting everyone else before my relationship.
&#x200b;
aita?
&#x200b;
edit 1: i just got in touch with him, and as i'm out of state (pretty much the other side of the country right now) he's going to be sending up my things and one of my friends will be taking my pets to hold on to until i can get an area figured out for them where i'll be staying now. he's now saying that if i just come back down and apologize for causing drama we can move on but as far as i'm concerned we are done. thank you guys for your advice i'll keep you updated if anything else should happen.
| 298 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qu43s8/aita_for_calling_my_boyfriend_and_his_family/
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2021-11-15 00:55:25
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nta. go back, get your pets and your stuff and change your number. he's isolating you. run girl. run far and run fast.
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nta. this type of isolating behavior is very concerning. in a healthy relationship, you should be able to spend time with both families without being guilted.
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nta. have a friend pick up your pets and take him up on his offer to ship the rest of your stuff to your hometown. it is bizzaro that you are conference calling with his mom to negotiate relationship issues. you are young, get out now!
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nta dump the boyfriend and his family. it sounds like a cult where your value is determined by how much you please your bf and his family and if you don't follow the leaders rules (aka bf) you will be kicked out or punished.
a supportive partner doesn't do this. did he ever offer to come with you and support you while your family is going through a rough time? did he even ask how you were feeling? i bet the answer to those two questions is no. while i'm sure his expectations if this was his family is that you are there by him 24/7 and doing everything they ask.
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nta
also this is some major red flags.
i would understand if they wanted one holiday with you but the entire point of becoming partners is balancing and supporting each other. this whole situation is not ok.
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nta but your boyfriend is.
a long-term relationship blends families. partners support each other in their family relationships. this must not be one-sided. if your boyfriend thinks your family should be secondary to his, you need to reconsider being with him.
go get your pets and your belongings. go home. love your grandma while you can. i doubt you’ll regret it.
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nta
but your boyfriend and his family sure are.
i moved from new zealand to australia to live with my husband. when i tell him i'm gonna go visit my mum, who still lives in new zealand, he books my flight and his parents tell me to let them know if i need anything (he doesn't usually come cause mum doesn't have a lot of room, he has work and her house is a mess and i usually go for a month at a time.)
him and his family are supportive of me still visiting my family and they sure as shit don't try and make it seem like they are less important if i wanna spend time with my mum.
he is controlling and does not get to tell you who you can and can't spend time with. get your stuff, your pets and get away from him and his stupid family.
eta your edit makes me happy. do not apologise. he's not worth it.
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nta
this situation sounds like a cult, get your pets, get your stuff and get out!
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go back and get your pets asap they sound super toxic
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nta. wtf no! run...run like you're on fire from these people.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i, 25 f, have been dating my boyfriend, 22 m, for 3 years. i moved out of state to where he lived to make it work better and to get to know where he is from, in the process i left my mom, 18 year old sister, and grandmother behind along with my friends. in september my mom called saying that my grandmother, now 73, isn't doing too well health wise and that she wanted me to come back up there to spend some time with her just in case. i talked it over with my boyfriend, who then told his family (who told me that it wasn't fair for me to put others above my boyfriend and relationship.) we ended up coming to an agreement that i'd spend thanksgiving and christmas with my family, the first time in 3 years i might add, and i'd be back after. a little background info. when i moved down there, i was pretty much made to feel like his family was my new family and that my own family was 2nd best. the only time i saw them was for 2 weeks in the summer and i even missed my sisters first day of high school and a lot of huge milestones. while i've bee gone i've kept my boyfriend in the loop and told him exactly what's going on and when as well as the fact that my grandmother will be having to go someplace that can give her round the clock care as she's starting to show signs of dementia. now, he's saying that he no longer wants me to spend anymore time with them and if i decide to he's sending my stuff back and getting rid of my pets. his mother also called me to ask my side, but when i told her about the previous arrangement she said i needed to put my relationship first and not everyone else and that it will be my own fault if it doesn't work out between us. she is also aware of my grandmother's health and things like that. after that the 3 of us had a conference call and i once again was made to be the villain despite what we had agreed on. i ended up calling both of them selfish and told them i wouldn't want to spend the holidays with such hateful people knowing what they do. they went on to say that i was being selfish and putting everyone else before my relationship. &#x200b; aita? &#x200b; edit 1: i just got in touch with him, and as i'm out of state (pretty much the other side of the country right now) he's going to be sending up my things and one of my friends will be taking my pets to hold on to until i can get an area figured out for them where i'll be staying now. he's now saying that if i just come back down and apologize for causing drama we can move on but as far as i'm concerned we are done. thank you guys for your advice i'll keep you updated if anything else should happen.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i, 25 f, have been dating my boyfriend, 22 m, for 3 years. i moved out of state to where he lived to make it work better and to get to know where he is from, in the process i left my mom, 18 year old sister, and grandmother behind along with my friends. in september my mom called saying that my grandmother, now 73, isn't doing too well health wise and that she wanted me to come back up there to spend some time with her just in case. i talked it over with my boyfriend, who then told his family (who told me that it wasn't fair for me to put others above my boyfriend and relationship.) we ended up coming to an agreement that i'd spend thanksgiving and christmas with my family, the first time in 3 years i might add, and i'd be back after. a little background info. when i moved down there, i was pretty much made to feel like his family was my new family and that my own family was 2nd best. the only time i saw them was for 2 weeks in the summer and i even missed my sisters first day of high school and a lot of huge milestones. while i've bee gone i've kept my boyfriend in the loop and told him exactly what's going on and when as well as the fact that my grandmother will be having to go someplace that can give her round the clock care as she's starting to show signs of dementia. now, he's saying that he no longer wants me to spend anymore time with them and if i decide to he's sending my stuff back and getting rid of my pets. his mother also called me to ask my side, but when i told her about the previous arrangement she said i needed to put my relationship first and not everyone else and that it will be my own fault if it doesn't work out between us. she is also aware of my grandmother's health and things like that. after that the 3 of us had a conference call and i once again was made to be the villain despite what we had agreed on. i ended up calling both of them selfish and told them i wouldn't want to spend the holidays with such hateful people knowing what they do. they went on to say that i was being selfish and putting everyone else before my relationship. &#x200b; aita? &#x200b; edit 1: i just got in touch with him, and as i'm out of state (pretty much the other side of the country right now) he's going to be sending up my things and one of my friends will be taking my pets to hold on to until i can get an area figured out for them where i'll be staying now. he's now saying that if i just come back down and apologize for causing drama we can move on but as far as i'm concerned we are done. thank you guys for your advice i'll keep you updated if anything else should happen. [/INST] nta. go back, get your pets and your stuff and change your number. he's isolating you. run girl. run far and run fast. </s>
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AITA for ignoring my sister after she did the same thing to me?
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happy halloween!
about two days ago, i (19m) was talking about a movie i had just watched and noticed that my sister (21f) who was the person that i was talking to, wasn't really paying attention. i got angry because she never listens to me whenever i speak, we got into a minor argument, and finally, she said that she ignored me because i 'just wasn't worth her time'.
fast forward to now. my sister was talking about some jerk that she'd encountered while handing out candy (using this cardboard slide that she saw online), and i was still angry about the argument so i just drifted off and started reading my book and my sister snapped her fingers in my face and said, 'why aren't you paying attention? it's rude!' like the wonderful hypocrite she is.
so i said, 'well, you're just not worth my time.'
now, my mother is telling me that it was rude to say such a thing, and petty to still be angry about the argument after two days. aita? i accept whatever judgement comes my way.
| 448 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jlxw4i/aita_for_ignoring_my_sister_after_she_did_the/
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2020-11-01 06:25:33
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nta while yes it was rude, i personally think this was karma. if she had just zoned out and stopped paying attention and then you retaliated, you'd be the asshole, but with how insanely rude her little "just not worth my time" shit was, i think she 100% had it coming
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nta. this is the petty shit i love and would have done the exact same thing. good for you!
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nta. you're sister clearly had it coming, and i'm guessing for more reasons than just what happened a couple of days ago. there's a simple rule that all people should live by:
don't respect people who don't respect you.
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nta, tell her sister did it first you just repaid her in kind treat people as you would like to be treated.
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if i was in your position, i'd do the same.
nta
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nta same thing happened between me and my mom. i started talking to her and she just told me "i don't care" and when i did it to her later she was pisser
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i would consider snapping your fingers in someone's face way ruder than not paying attention to someone. nta. your sister also has a double standard.
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nta. my ex would say "i care less than butterfly fart in china about it" when i was talking about something. we were recently together renovating our old apartment, and he started on some long story about how painting was done when he was young. i gave his comment about butterfly farts back to him, and the irritated look on his face was priceless.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: happy halloween! about two days ago, i (19m) was talking about a movie i had just watched and noticed that my sister (21f) who was the person that i was talking to, wasn't really paying attention. i got angry because she never listens to me whenever i speak, we got into a minor argument, and finally, she said that she ignored me because i 'just wasn't worth her time'. fast forward to now. my sister was talking about some jerk that she'd encountered while handing out candy (using this cardboard slide that she saw online), and i was still angry about the argument so i just drifted off and started reading my book and my sister snapped her fingers in my face and said, 'why aren't you paying attention? it's rude!' like the wonderful hypocrite she is. so i said, 'well, you're just not worth my time.' now, my mother is telling me that it was rude to say such a thing, and petty to still be angry about the argument after two days. aita? i accept whatever judgement comes my way.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
happy halloween! about two days ago, i (19m) was talking about a movie i had just watched and noticed that my sister (21f) who was the person that i was talking to, wasn't really paying attention. i got angry because she never listens to me whenever i speak, we got into a minor argument, and finally, she said that she ignored me because i 'just wasn't worth her time'. fast forward to now. my sister was talking about some jerk that she'd encountered while handing out candy (using this cardboard slide that she saw online), and i was still angry about the argument so i just drifted off and started reading my book and my sister snapped her fingers in my face and said, 'why aren't you paying attention? it's rude!' like the wonderful hypocrite she is. so i said, 'well, you're just not worth my time.' now, my mother is telling me that it was rude to say such a thing, and petty to still be angry about the argument after two days. aita? i accept whatever judgement comes my way. [/INST] nta while yes it was rude, i personally think this was karma. if she had just zoned out and stopped paying attention and then you retaliated, you'd be the asshole, but with how insanely rude her little "just not worth my time" shit was, i think she 100% had it coming </s>
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AITA for being annoyed at my sister including my daughter in her daughters party?
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so i have 4 kids, we don’t celebrate birthdays this is really for cultural reasons. i was born and raised in the west but we never celebrated it as children, and then i never celebrated it for my kids. before anyone reports me for child abuse we have other celebrations so i am no scrooge, just it’s not something we have ever done or plan to do. i have several members of family who do celebrate birthdays and my kids go to their friends birthday parties, i don’t care, you do you baby (this is important)
my sister got married recently and had one precious little girl. as i have four kids her daughters birthday aligned with one of mine almost perfectly, just a few days apart. last year i sent her daughter a birthday present and was super excited for her. this year however, my sister decides to throw her daughter a birthday party and includes my daughter in it. she invites everyone from the family and tells them it’s for her daughter and mine. i told her in text don’t include my kid because we don’t do birthdays! everyone in the family chat said i was the ah and stop being such a b*tch. on the cake she writes her daughters name, my daughters and then happy birthday.
i really didn’t want to go, i was annoyed that she was including my kid knowing full well i have another 3 and that we have never thrown a birthday party. i was literally forced to go even though i made it clear she should just throw a party for her daughter and leave mine out.
i told my colleagues and whilst they made meaningful sounds of understanding they were more inclined with my sister. so aitah?
| 283 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/suqnuw/aita_for_being_annoyed_at_my_sister_including_my/
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2022-02-17 14:54:48
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yta: my parents not throwing birthdays just because they never had one always isolated me as a kid and made me feel bad. this is such a weird thing to do to your kids. get a cake at walmart. pick up some balloons and a small gift. cook their favorite meal (they have to eat anyway). your sister feeling weird making your daughter celebrate hers with no recognition is normal.
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i'm going to go with yta
what is the harm in your sister creating a fun day/memory for your daughter?
you are a grown adult , if you didn't want to go then you shouldn't have gone.
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info: at no point have you talked about how your kids feel. have you ever spoken to them about this
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yta
your children are all going to hate you as you grow older and ask wtf they never got birthday parties.
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yta, my parents didn't want to throw birthday party i hated it... i wanted to have them... basically you are forcing your opinion on your kid..you don't want to do the work or the inconveniences... so your kids can just look from the outside at other kids life..
dont get me wrong i know every year is a lot if you have multiple kids but every two years ... and this someone who saw your child need to be shown decency...big asshole
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info: as your children grow if they decide they want to celebrate their birthdays with parties, gifts, outings etc, are you willing to do so?
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do your kids have a say on whether or not they get a birthday party?
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if you’re in a country where birthday celebrations are a widely accepted thing, and your kids see that their friends have them, i think it’s very exclusionary of you to refuse to do the same for your kids. especially as you can’t even say that your family doesn’t celebrate birthdays!
is the kids father from the same culture as you? what does he think?
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info: does your daughter want a bday party?
if so
yta
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| null | null | null |
INFO
| 0.090895 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i have 4 kids, we don’t celebrate birthdays this is really for cultural reasons. i was born and raised in the west but we never celebrated it as children, and then i never celebrated it for my kids. before anyone reports me for child abuse we have other celebrations so i am no scrooge, just it’s not something we have ever done or plan to do. i have several members of family who do celebrate birthdays and my kids go to their friends birthday parties, i don’t care, you do you baby (this is important) my sister got married recently and had one precious little girl. as i have four kids her daughters birthday aligned with one of mine almost perfectly, just a few days apart. last year i sent her daughter a birthday present and was super excited for her. this year however, my sister decides to throw her daughter a birthday party and includes my daughter in it. she invites everyone from the family and tells them it’s for her daughter and mine. i told her in text don’t include my kid because we don’t do birthdays! everyone in the family chat said i was the ah and stop being such a b*tch. on the cake she writes her daughters name, my daughters and then happy birthday. i really didn’t want to go, i was annoyed that she was including my kid knowing full well i have another 3 and that we have never thrown a birthday party. i was literally forced to go even though i made it clear she should just throw a party for her daughter and leave mine out. i told my colleagues and whilst they made meaningful sounds of understanding they were more inclined with my sister. so aitah?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i have 4 kids, we don’t celebrate birthdays this is really for cultural reasons. i was born and raised in the west but we never celebrated it as children, and then i never celebrated it for my kids. before anyone reports me for child abuse we have other celebrations so i am no scrooge, just it’s not something we have ever done or plan to do. i have several members of family who do celebrate birthdays and my kids go to their friends birthday parties, i don’t care, you do you baby (this is important) my sister got married recently and had one precious little girl. as i have four kids her daughters birthday aligned with one of mine almost perfectly, just a few days apart. last year i sent her daughter a birthday present and was super excited for her. this year however, my sister decides to throw her daughter a birthday party and includes my daughter in it. she invites everyone from the family and tells them it’s for her daughter and mine. i told her in text don’t include my kid because we don’t do birthdays! everyone in the family chat said i was the ah and stop being such a b*tch. on the cake she writes her daughters name, my daughters and then happy birthday. i really didn’t want to go, i was annoyed that she was including my kid knowing full well i have another 3 and that we have never thrown a birthday party. i was literally forced to go even though i made it clear she should just throw a party for her daughter and leave mine out. i told my colleagues and whilst they made meaningful sounds of understanding they were more inclined with my sister. so aitah? [/INST] yta: my parents not throwing birthdays just because they never had one always isolated me as a kid and made me feel bad. this is such a weird thing to do to your kids. get a cake at walmart. pick up some balloons and a small gift. cook their favorite meal (they have to eat anyway). your sister feeling weird making your daughter celebrate hers with no recognition is normal. </s>
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WIBTA if I report my boyfriends exwife to CPS for letting a 12 year old babysit his children, 8,5,3yrs while swimming in their unsecured backyard pool?
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hi reddit,
as the title says... but background. my boyfriends exwife is remarried and she and her new husband live in a house with a pool that has no fence or cover. my boyfriend has repeatedly told her about the dangers of this. we also know that the 12 year old step sister is charged with babysitting them while they are at work, which includes swimming. i think this is a dangerous situation, especially knowing his kids swimming ability is not strong and drownings can happen quickly. he knows nothing of me contemplating this. i severely worry for the kids. i hear of other incidents of neglect, like the daughter being forgotten on the first say of school and not picked up, and the 5 year old getting lost at a halloween party and kind strangers ensured she made it back to her parents, putting the family on a strict "all-bacon" diet, the girls not having properly fitting shoes (too small) and other things. i respect that parenting is difficult and messy along with the fact that the girls may exaggerate to their dad about some things. my real worry is that pool.
but i do not want the mother to blame my boyfriend and make things worse for his daughters because they have to live with her half the time.
i keel thinking that i dont want to get invovled, but at the same time i know personally a child who drowned at the age of 7, and as its summertime, drowning are happening every week around the metropolitan area i live in. i cant help but think i am an asshole for reporting, but what if one of them gets hurts? am i an asshole for not reporting??
my bf and the mother do not have a good relationship as it is, which already hurts the kids because they dont even have an agreed upon bedtime. its very sad and a mess but i believe their lives could be in danger. my bf says he made the children promise not to swim when being babysat by the 12 year old but theyre just kids and i dont think thats enough to ensure safety. help me reddit!
| 165 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bynu54/wibta_if_i_report_my_boyfriends_exwife_to_cps_for/
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2019-06-09 19:12:19
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nta - you would 100% be in the right for reporting this to cps. this is a dangerous situtation, like you said and it needs to be dealt with. you might save a kids life.
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nta, a 12yo shouldn’t be forced to parent 3 little kids, especially on her own. report these shit stains asap.
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yta. a 12 year old is old enough to babysit. don't waste cps's time, they're overworked with cases of real neglect.
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yta. don't waste everyone's time just because you personal don't think it's proper parenting. cps is busy enough dealing with cases of actual abuse and neglect.
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nta this comes down to your own moral compass and how you will be able to cope with a tragedy, should it occur (since you obviously feel like you have some responsibility to protect those children) it’s not your responsibility to report this, although it could be justifiably argued otherwise. this is a tough situation that i believe you should speak to your boyfriend about. either route you choose, you are right for choosing it. i know it’s not much help but this one is all on you.
if it were me, i would probably report it after discussing it with both parents. cps is no joke and i believe that parents should at least have an opportunity to correct their mistakes, if the opportunity arises. in some cases, that right is waived due to severe safety concerns, but in this case, it may be able to be resolved with a serious discussion. i agree with you though. 12 isn’t old enough to be responsible for themselves and certainly not other children as young as 3. you are right for wanting to step in by my moral standards. cps should always be a last resort if it is possible.
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nta but i am not sure cps is who you should call tbh. look at their city's rule about pool safety. it's likely they should have it fenced and an inspector could be sent over. they may be more helpful.
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yta. at least where i live, 12 is legal to babysit for any ages. the only thing this call will change will be that she is nasty to your boyfriend, and possibly tries to keep you away from the children, which she might be able to do if they find you're making cps calls that are unsubstantiated. if you and your boyfriend are so concerned, then time to pony up and pay for a babysitter during that time.
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi reddit, as the title says... but background. my boyfriends exwife is remarried and she and her new husband live in a house with a pool that has no fence or cover. my boyfriend has repeatedly told her about the dangers of this. we also know that the 12 year old step sister is charged with babysitting them while they are at work, which includes swimming. i think this is a dangerous situation, especially knowing his kids swimming ability is not strong and drownings can happen quickly. he knows nothing of me contemplating this. i severely worry for the kids. i hear of other incidents of neglect, like the daughter being forgotten on the first say of school and not picked up, and the 5 year old getting lost at a halloween party and kind strangers ensured she made it back to her parents, putting the family on a strict "all-bacon" diet, the girls not having properly fitting shoes (too small) and other things. i respect that parenting is difficult and messy along with the fact that the girls may exaggerate to their dad about some things. my real worry is that pool. but i do not want the mother to blame my boyfriend and make things worse for his daughters because they have to live with her half the time. i keel thinking that i dont want to get invovled, but at the same time i know personally a child who drowned at the age of 7, and as its summertime, drowning are happening every week around the metropolitan area i live in. i cant help but think i am an asshole for reporting, but what if one of them gets hurts? am i an asshole for not reporting?? my bf and the mother do not have a good relationship as it is, which already hurts the kids because they dont even have an agreed upon bedtime. its very sad and a mess but i believe their lives could be in danger. my bf says he made the children promise not to swim when being babysat by the 12 year old but theyre just kids and i dont think thats enough to ensure safety. help me reddit!
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi reddit, as the title says... but background. my boyfriends exwife is remarried and she and her new husband live in a house with a pool that has no fence or cover. my boyfriend has repeatedly told her about the dangers of this. we also know that the 12 year old step sister is charged with babysitting them while they are at work, which includes swimming. i think this is a dangerous situation, especially knowing his kids swimming ability is not strong and drownings can happen quickly. he knows nothing of me contemplating this. i severely worry for the kids. i hear of other incidents of neglect, like the daughter being forgotten on the first say of school and not picked up, and the 5 year old getting lost at a halloween party and kind strangers ensured she made it back to her parents, putting the family on a strict "all-bacon" diet, the girls not having properly fitting shoes (too small) and other things. i respect that parenting is difficult and messy along with the fact that the girls may exaggerate to their dad about some things. my real worry is that pool. but i do not want the mother to blame my boyfriend and make things worse for his daughters because they have to live with her half the time. i keel thinking that i dont want to get invovled, but at the same time i know personally a child who drowned at the age of 7, and as its summertime, drowning are happening every week around the metropolitan area i live in. i cant help but think i am an asshole for reporting, but what if one of them gets hurts? am i an asshole for not reporting?? my bf and the mother do not have a good relationship as it is, which already hurts the kids because they dont even have an agreed upon bedtime. its very sad and a mess but i believe their lives could be in danger. my bf says he made the children promise not to swim when being babysat by the 12 year old but theyre just kids and i dont think thats enough to ensure safety. help me reddit! [/INST] nta - you would 100% be in the right for reporting this to cps. this is a dangerous situtation, like you said and it needs to be dealt with. you might save a kids life. </s>
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AITA For abandoning my Husband to the Yellow Jackets But Saving the Dog
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i am allergic to stings (and mosquito bites). it isn't anaphylactic shock level but according to my doctor it could escalate with no warning. i haven't been stung in several years because i do everything i can to avoid the damn things.
last weekend my husband was doing yardwork when i went out to tell him lunch was ready. as he was showing me his latest project he suddenly started yelling and slapping at his legs. i was all wtf and backpedaling as fast as i could while asking what was wrong. he said yellow jackets and i scooped up the chihuahua and ran. behind me i could hear him calling my name, but i was just nope and went inside as fast as i could, which was amazingly fast.
fortunately he escaped with only 3 stings which i treated as soon as he came in. however he's pretty salty i saved the dog and abandoned him. i reminded him of my allergy and said the chihuahua is 10 pounds a few stings could kill her and what in the hell could i have done against a yellow jacket swarm. he just glowered at me. this morning he was talking to him mom and being all dramatic about my running away. she of course took his side.
i told him we would leave it to the arbitrators of aita to decide. so, am i the asshole?
| 2,094 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ir43x6/aita_for_abandoning_my_husband_to_the_yellow/
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2020-09-12 02:04:38
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nta. person-with-allergy-to-bee-stings and tiny-big-headed-creature-with-stubby-legs-and-less-protection-against-bee-venom trump grown-ass-man every time.
plus, knowing you’re allergic and would need to run away anyway what did he want you to do? drop the dog as a sacrifice?
and look, you didn’t ask us about this but the bit about his mom is _weird_ dude. it’s not normal for husbands to cry to their mommy about their spouse. glowering? ick.
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nta i fail to see how you could have scooped up your husband and run away with him. he’s being illogical.... and a baby
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nta. always save the pupper first. a grown adult can take care of himself. if this was me and my partner and he saved me instead of the dog, i’d actually be angry at him. also you can carry the dog, you can’t carry your husband! how were you supposed to save him anyway, he has legs and should’ve run faster!
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what exactly did he expect you to do??? stay behind and swat at them? if you're both ambulatory adults, the reasonable thing is for you both to run away as fast as you can. he's being silly.
nta
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nta. if your husband wants to be treated the same as a chihuahua in a situation like that, he should also be expected to be treated like one in general. so, only speak in short, kind sentences, reward him with treats when he sits on command and take him for regular walks each day to make sure he gets enough exercise.
or he could continue to act and be treated like an adult man. up to him.
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nta. seriously? he wanted you to potentially go into anaphylactic shock... for what? to watch him swat away yellow jackets? i hope he’s not this inconsiderate all of the time.
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info what, exactly, is his side in this? what does he believe you should have done?
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lol. nta, op, and take my poor woman's gold: 🏅
i wish you and your husband a long, felicitious marriage, and may you always save yourself and the dog first.
(in all seriousness, though, you did the right thing - you're allergic and the dog is too small to handle much venom)
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nta. quick thinking scooping up the baby!!!
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nta. i have the same allergy. i've never gotten anaphylaxis, but the stings can swell to the size of a ping-pong ball within minutes, and they hurt like hell. you were right to grab the little dog and run inside.
by the way, keep an aloe plant in the house. it's great for treating stings.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am allergic to stings (and mosquito bites). it isn't anaphylactic shock level but according to my doctor it could escalate with no warning. i haven't been stung in several years because i do everything i can to avoid the damn things. last weekend my husband was doing yardwork when i went out to tell him lunch was ready. as he was showing me his latest project he suddenly started yelling and slapping at his legs. i was all wtf and backpedaling as fast as i could while asking what was wrong. he said yellow jackets and i scooped up the chihuahua and ran. behind me i could hear him calling my name, but i was just nope and went inside as fast as i could, which was amazingly fast. fortunately he escaped with only 3 stings which i treated as soon as he came in. however he's pretty salty i saved the dog and abandoned him. i reminded him of my allergy and said the chihuahua is 10 pounds a few stings could kill her and what in the hell could i have done against a yellow jacket swarm. he just glowered at me. this morning he was talking to him mom and being all dramatic about my running away. she of course took his side. i told him we would leave it to the arbitrators of aita to decide. so, am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am allergic to stings (and mosquito bites). it isn't anaphylactic shock level but according to my doctor it could escalate with no warning. i haven't been stung in several years because i do everything i can to avoid the damn things. last weekend my husband was doing yardwork when i went out to tell him lunch was ready. as he was showing me his latest project he suddenly started yelling and slapping at his legs. i was all wtf and backpedaling as fast as i could while asking what was wrong. he said yellow jackets and i scooped up the chihuahua and ran. behind me i could hear him calling my name, but i was just nope and went inside as fast as i could, which was amazingly fast. fortunately he escaped with only 3 stings which i treated as soon as he came in. however he's pretty salty i saved the dog and abandoned him. i reminded him of my allergy and said the chihuahua is 10 pounds a few stings could kill her and what in the hell could i have done against a yellow jacket swarm. he just glowered at me. this morning he was talking to him mom and being all dramatic about my running away. she of course took his side. i told him we would leave it to the arbitrators of aita to decide. so, am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. person-with-allergy-to-bee-stings and tiny-big-headed-creature-with-stubby-legs-and-less-protection-against-bee-venom trump grown-ass-man every time. plus, knowing you’re allergic and would need to run away anyway what did he want you to do? drop the dog as a sacrifice? and look, you didn’t ask us about this but the bit about his mom is _weird_ dude. it’s not normal for husbands to cry to their mommy about their spouse. glowering? ick. </s>
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AITA For asking my family to stop using my toothpaste?
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ok for context i (17 f) was prescribed medicated toothpaste about two or three years ago by my dentist for a number of different reasons. at the time i asked my mum to pick up my prescription for me because i was swamped with school work, she apparently took the that as you can also use it to.
flash forward to now and they have cut me from haveing the bigger tubes to the smaller ones (basically travel sized) because they notice i picked it up quite frequently and they’re starting to run short. i was confused cause i’ve only picked it up once or twice for the past few years. i called up and they told me that it was always collected on time each month each year!!! i was even more confused said thanks and hung up and went to talk to my mum about it.
turns out ever since i was prescribed it by the dentist she has been collecting it for every body to use. at this point i got upset (because up until recently i thought that i only got a 5 pack for every 3-4 months but nope! it was a five pack every month!) and said that we are not broke and toopaste isn’t that expensive, i also asked her for my remaining toothpaste and that she stop collecting it or i would blacklist her from picking up my prescriptions (she also picks up this cream that’s perception for me that my brother also uses because eczema and doesn’t get enough) it is at this point it went south and she called me selfish and that basically it was only plain toothpaste. i argued that i know have be on a special diet for this “plain toothpaste” and that was prescribed to me for a reason. she just said ok then went back to work.
we left it like that and now i’m starting to think back on it. i asked my brother about it and he said it’s kind of a dick move, then i asked my sister and she said that i had every right to confront my mum but i was a little harsh.
i guess i just want an outside opinion of this if i’m being honest.
am i the asshole?
| 168 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hak8cf/aita_for_asking_my_family_to_stop_using_my/
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2020-06-17 04:41:33
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nta. people shouldn't be using your medical toothpaste without a doctor's order. same thing with prescription drugs. why don't you take your toothpaste and hide it away from your family?
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nta
it’s not just regular toothpaste. this was prescribed to you by your dentist. it’s not asking too much for family to not use your prescription so that you don’t run out between refills.
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nta. it's medicated for your dental needs. they can pick up a bottle of crest.
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nta - it’s not plain toothpaste it’s your medicine and it’s a prescribed one at that. prescribed medicine is not meant to be passed around like free candy. i don’t know enough legalize to say for sure but things like this could end in serious problems other then making your mom go out of her way to get toothpaste.
also that. if it’s just toothpaste why is it so hard for your mother to just get their own.
i would be careful about letting your family pick up any prescriptions in the future. if your pharmacy puts it in a bag. make sure they know it’s supposed to stay in their. that way you’ll know if your mom went against your orders.
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what your mother is doing is called prescription fraud. you say it is free until you turn 18? that's why she's doing it, she sees free toothpaste! if you can arrange to pick it up yourself, simply tell your pharmacist to make a note that only you pick it up, and nobody else. don't allow fraud to be done in your name, by anybody, family or not.
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nta- i have prescribed acne medicine for my face and my family knows thats for me and for me only. we also have over the counter acne medicine for my chest and back, which my brother knows he can use since it's over the counter and we can get more any time we need too.
it's not prescribed to her, she should not be using it. it doesn't matter if it was a prescribed toothpick. it's illegal for her to use it. prescribed means there aren't as much just sitting around. so your mother is taking prescribed toothpase from other people who might need it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok for context i (17 f) was prescribed medicated toothpaste about two or three years ago by my dentist for a number of different reasons. at the time i asked my mum to pick up my prescription for me because i was swamped with school work, she apparently took the that as you can also use it to. flash forward to now and they have cut me from haveing the bigger tubes to the smaller ones (basically travel sized) because they notice i picked it up quite frequently and they’re starting to run short. i was confused cause i’ve only picked it up once or twice for the past few years. i called up and they told me that it was always collected on time each month each year!!! i was even more confused said thanks and hung up and went to talk to my mum about it. turns out ever since i was prescribed it by the dentist she has been collecting it for every body to use. at this point i got upset (because up until recently i thought that i only got a 5 pack for every 3-4 months but nope! it was a five pack every month!) and said that we are not broke and toopaste isn’t that expensive, i also asked her for my remaining toothpaste and that she stop collecting it or i would blacklist her from picking up my prescriptions (she also picks up this cream that’s perception for me that my brother also uses because eczema and doesn’t get enough) it is at this point it went south and she called me selfish and that basically it was only plain toothpaste. i argued that i know have be on a special diet for this “plain toothpaste” and that was prescribed to me for a reason. she just said ok then went back to work. we left it like that and now i’m starting to think back on it. i asked my brother about it and he said it’s kind of a dick move, then i asked my sister and she said that i had every right to confront my mum but i was a little harsh. i guess i just want an outside opinion of this if i’m being honest. am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ok for context i (17 f) was prescribed medicated toothpaste about two or three years ago by my dentist for a number of different reasons. at the time i asked my mum to pick up my prescription for me because i was swamped with school work, she apparently took the that as you can also use it to. flash forward to now and they have cut me from haveing the bigger tubes to the smaller ones (basically travel sized) because they notice i picked it up quite frequently and they’re starting to run short. i was confused cause i’ve only picked it up once or twice for the past few years. i called up and they told me that it was always collected on time each month each year!!! i was even more confused said thanks and hung up and went to talk to my mum about it. turns out ever since i was prescribed it by the dentist she has been collecting it for every body to use. at this point i got upset (because up until recently i thought that i only got a 5 pack for every 3-4 months but nope! it was a five pack every month!) and said that we are not broke and toopaste isn’t that expensive, i also asked her for my remaining toothpaste and that she stop collecting it or i would blacklist her from picking up my prescriptions (she also picks up this cream that’s perception for me that my brother also uses because eczema and doesn’t get enough) it is at this point it went south and she called me selfish and that basically it was only plain toothpaste. i argued that i know have be on a special diet for this “plain toothpaste” and that was prescribed to me for a reason. she just said ok then went back to work. we left it like that and now i’m starting to think back on it. i asked my brother about it and he said it’s kind of a dick move, then i asked my sister and she said that i had every right to confront my mum but i was a little harsh. i guess i just want an outside opinion of this if i’m being honest. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. people shouldn't be using your medical toothpaste without a doctor's order. same thing with prescription drugs. why don't you take your toothpaste and hide it away from your family? </s>
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AITA for telling my dad he’s a horrible father?
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my parents are divorced. my dad lives with his wife and my younger siblings all live with my mom. my oldest sister and i have our own homes and families. he tends to see my siblings once or twice a week. my mom is disabled and because of that she can’t drive. she doesn’t speak good english so i help her out with my siblings a lot with school, translations, appointments, etc.
my twin sisters (12yo) haven’t been to a physical in a while. i decided to call and make an appointment for them since it is important for their health to be seen, obviously. the appointment wasn’t supposed to be for two more months from when i called to schedule because they were fully booked at the office. when the appointment was coming up i asked my dad if he could pick them up from school for their appointment at 1pm since i wouldn’t be able to bring them that day due to having my son having his own appointment. he told me that he would do it.
the day of the appointment my dad texts me that the appointment was rescheduled. (“the nurse from the office called me to tell me the doctor is sick and wouldn’t be able to see them today so they rescheduled the appointment to three more months ahead.”)
i was honestly dumbfounded on how stupid my father thought i was. i knew that if a doctor is sick they would have a nurse or someone else in the office perform the physical, this happened to me before.
i called him out on lying to me and i was really angry. i did say some things that would be hurtful towards him like “you’re a shit father. you couldn’t take one hour of your day to take them to an appointment?” i told him that the doctors office didn’t even have his phone number since he has gotten a new one and it wasn’t possible for them to call him and let him know, they had my number. he kept trying to deny lying to me but then eventually gave up and told me a shit excuse like “it’s just a physical, i don’t want them to miss school.” their appointment was at 1pm. they could have gotten a note and been excused from the rest of the day.
i was full of anger and reminded him again that he abandoned his family for another woman and a horrible father to his kids. because of this, he won’t speak to me anymore. i recently gave birth to his first grandchild and i’m upset that he won’t even text me to ask about him.
aita for saying hurtful things to my father over this? do i apologize?
| 460 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pznrzc/aita_for_telling_my_dad_hes_a_horrible_father/
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2021-10-02 03:48:36
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nta
but why do you want this man in your life?
if he is such a shitty father to his own children, i can't imagine he will magically become better to his grandchildren, nor do i think he deserves it. perhaps this is too harsh, but based on what i read...
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nta. you are a great big sister, he's a horrible father, and he needs the kick in the pants from hearing it from you. don't want to be called a horrible father? don't neglect your kids' health. the fact that your mother, who is disabled and can't drive, got full custody means that the judge agreed with you. he is a horrible father. and the stunt he's pulling with the grandbaby just highlights that, underlines it, and then accents it with flashy red flags. go enjoy your baby and please try not to waste any of your time or thoughts on someone who couldn't think of his own daughters enough to take time to get them to an already-set-up doctor's appointment!
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info: are you sure you want him involved in your child’s life? you don’t seem close at all and he’s proven how unreliable and deceptive he is, not to mention how careless about the well-being of his children.
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it sounds like you have a lot of legitimate grievances against your father and the appointment was just the straw that broke the camel's back. i'll say nta on this one. a person can only be a shit father for so long before they get called on it
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nta, neglecting the medical health of minors is abuse.
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you are not in error. taking the twin sisters to a medical checkup would have shown he cared, that he could be depended on for such things, that he wanted to help out and be present in your life. instead he made up some lie. after agreeing to do it. this was his big chance to prove himself to you. he failed the test miserably and i think you were right to berate him for it.
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my parents are divorced. my dad lives with his wife and my younger siblings all live with my mom. my oldest sister and i have our own homes and families. he tends to see my siblings once or twice a week. my mom is disabled and because of that she can’t drive. she doesn’t speak good english so i help her out with my siblings a lot with school, translations, appointments, etc. my twin sisters (12yo) haven’t been to a physical in a while. i decided to call and make an appointment for them since it is important for their health to be seen, obviously. the appointment wasn’t supposed to be for two more months from when i called to schedule because they were fully booked at the office. when the appointment was coming up i asked my dad if he could pick them up from school for their appointment at 1pm since i wouldn’t be able to bring them that day due to having my son having his own appointment. he told me that he would do it. the day of the appointment my dad texts me that the appointment was rescheduled. (“the nurse from the office called me to tell me the doctor is sick and wouldn’t be able to see them today so they rescheduled the appointment to three more months ahead.”) i was honestly dumbfounded on how stupid my father thought i was. i knew that if a doctor is sick they would have a nurse or someone else in the office perform the physical, this happened to me before. i called him out on lying to me and i was really angry. i did say some things that would be hurtful towards him like “you’re a shit father. you couldn’t take one hour of your day to take them to an appointment?” i told him that the doctors office didn’t even have his phone number since he has gotten a new one and it wasn’t possible for them to call him and let him know, they had my number. he kept trying to deny lying to me but then eventually gave up and told me a shit excuse like “it’s just a physical, i don’t want them to miss school.” their appointment was at 1pm. they could have gotten a note and been excused from the rest of the day. i was full of anger and reminded him again that he abandoned his family for another woman and a horrible father to his kids. because of this, he won’t speak to me anymore. i recently gave birth to his first grandchild and i’m upset that he won’t even text me to ask about him. aita for saying hurtful things to my father over this? do i apologize?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my parents are divorced. my dad lives with his wife and my younger siblings all live with my mom. my oldest sister and i have our own homes and families. he tends to see my siblings once or twice a week. my mom is disabled and because of that she can’t drive. she doesn’t speak good english so i help her out with my siblings a lot with school, translations, appointments, etc. my twin sisters (12yo) haven’t been to a physical in a while. i decided to call and make an appointment for them since it is important for their health to be seen, obviously. the appointment wasn’t supposed to be for two more months from when i called to schedule because they were fully booked at the office. when the appointment was coming up i asked my dad if he could pick them up from school for their appointment at 1pm since i wouldn’t be able to bring them that day due to having my son having his own appointment. he told me that he would do it. the day of the appointment my dad texts me that the appointment was rescheduled. (“the nurse from the office called me to tell me the doctor is sick and wouldn’t be able to see them today so they rescheduled the appointment to three more months ahead.”) i was honestly dumbfounded on how stupid my father thought i was. i knew that if a doctor is sick they would have a nurse or someone else in the office perform the physical, this happened to me before. i called him out on lying to me and i was really angry. i did say some things that would be hurtful towards him like “you’re a shit father. you couldn’t take one hour of your day to take them to an appointment?” i told him that the doctors office didn’t even have his phone number since he has gotten a new one and it wasn’t possible for them to call him and let him know, they had my number. he kept trying to deny lying to me but then eventually gave up and told me a shit excuse like “it’s just a physical, i don’t want them to miss school.” their appointment was at 1pm. they could have gotten a note and been excused from the rest of the day. i was full of anger and reminded him again that he abandoned his family for another woman and a horrible father to his kids. because of this, he won’t speak to me anymore. i recently gave birth to his first grandchild and i’m upset that he won’t even text me to ask about him. aita for saying hurtful things to my father over this? do i apologize? [/INST] nta but why do you want this man in your life? if he is such a shitty father to his own children, i can't imagine he will magically become better to his grandchildren, nor do i think he deserves it. perhaps this is too harsh, but based on what i read... </s>
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AITA For Telling my Sister in Law to take down a facebook post
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my sisters son (my nephew) died very suddenly, everybody is fucked up about it. my brother and his fly fly in to support my sister. my brothers wife (sil) posts everything on her facebook about everything and turns it around so she can get sympathy. my brothers daughter does the same stuff (niece)
so, the day my brothers family is leaving sil makes a facebook post about their trip here and basically an obituary for my dead nephew, got a bunch of likes and i'm so sorry for sil's loss. thing is my sister has not put out an obituary herself or posted anything on facebook about this tragedy. she is not ready to do that yet and will get to it in her own time.
i saw sil's post, and i call my brother and tell him to ask her to take it down. one hour later it is still up so i call sil ask her to take it down. i was very polite and to the point, did not raise my voice just asked if she could take it down as my sister does not want it up. she says ok and deletes it. 5 minutes later my brother call's me up in a rage yelling at me that i was a dick to his wife and that she has a right to grieve. he ends the phone call calling me an asshole.
a few days go by (sister still has not done an obituary, still doesn't want anything on facebook) and my niece makes a post identical to sil's, so i call my brother ask him to get her to take it down, and i am called an asshole again.
now his whole family wont speak to me.
am i the asshole here?
| 1,978 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fwo2e1/aita_for_telling_my_sister_in_law_to_take_down_a/
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2020-04-07 16:58:33
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nta- in this type of situation you go off of what the immediate family wants- spouse, parents and siblings. if any one of those people ask others outside of that circle to please not post stuff you don’t post jack shit. it’s not right to do otherwise: both your sil and niece are in the wrong here. there’s grieving and then there’s attention seeking posts. you know which one they are posting for- they are being extremely disrespectful and for them to pull this kind of shit is disgusting. i’m sorry for your loss.
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nta these people and their grief need to follow your sister's lead. you're a good brother by my scorebook and nobody's ah.
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nta. there is such a thing as “circles of grief.” the innermost circle are the most immediate family- in this case your sister (the mother). the extended family are in the next circle- this includes your brother, his wife & children. every “circle” can grieve, of course, however the innermost circle gets first consideration of public & social media posts. period.
op, i’m so sorry for your family’s loss.
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info did your sister want them taken down?
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nta
it’s repugnant that they’re exploiting a death in the family for social media likes!
if the parents haven’t commented about it online yet, your sil and niece shouldn’t be either! they’re making the loss of your nephew about them.
you’re not the asshole — you are doing your sister a solid by looking out for her emotional well-being as she would be hurt to see her son’s twisted so her sil and teenage niece could get sympathy! they didn’t lose a child, she did! their grief takes a backseat to hers!
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nta because your sister wasn’t ready to have it on fb yet. they are allowed to grieve but they need to respect your sister’s wishes as it was her child
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nta and they need to stop hijacking your sisters grief for fucking likes. it is beyond disgusting.
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nta- not even a little bit.
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nta. everyone grieves differently but they are going against the mothers wishes. bad form.
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nta i'm sorry for your loss. your sil has no right to make a post like that if your sister didn't want it done. your brother and his wife are grieving also but that doesn't give them the right to make a public post. they can grieve without making public grievances on facebook.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sisters son (my nephew) died very suddenly, everybody is fucked up about it. my brother and his fly fly in to support my sister. my brothers wife (sil) posts everything on her facebook about everything and turns it around so she can get sympathy. my brothers daughter does the same stuff (niece) so, the day my brothers family is leaving sil makes a facebook post about their trip here and basically an obituary for my dead nephew, got a bunch of likes and i'm so sorry for sil's loss. thing is my sister has not put out an obituary herself or posted anything on facebook about this tragedy. she is not ready to do that yet and will get to it in her own time. i saw sil's post, and i call my brother and tell him to ask her to take it down. one hour later it is still up so i call sil ask her to take it down. i was very polite and to the point, did not raise my voice just asked if she could take it down as my sister does not want it up. she says ok and deletes it. 5 minutes later my brother call's me up in a rage yelling at me that i was a dick to his wife and that she has a right to grieve. he ends the phone call calling me an asshole. a few days go by (sister still has not done an obituary, still doesn't want anything on facebook) and my niece makes a post identical to sil's, so i call my brother ask him to get her to take it down, and i am called an asshole again. now his whole family wont speak to me. am i the asshole here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sisters son (my nephew) died very suddenly, everybody is fucked up about it. my brother and his fly fly in to support my sister. my brothers wife (sil) posts everything on her facebook about everything and turns it around so she can get sympathy. my brothers daughter does the same stuff (niece) so, the day my brothers family is leaving sil makes a facebook post about their trip here and basically an obituary for my dead nephew, got a bunch of likes and i'm so sorry for sil's loss. thing is my sister has not put out an obituary herself or posted anything on facebook about this tragedy. she is not ready to do that yet and will get to it in her own time. i saw sil's post, and i call my brother and tell him to ask her to take it down. one hour later it is still up so i call sil ask her to take it down. i was very polite and to the point, did not raise my voice just asked if she could take it down as my sister does not want it up. she says ok and deletes it. 5 minutes later my brother call's me up in a rage yelling at me that i was a dick to his wife and that she has a right to grieve. he ends the phone call calling me an asshole. a few days go by (sister still has not done an obituary, still doesn't want anything on facebook) and my niece makes a post identical to sil's, so i call my brother ask him to get her to take it down, and i am called an asshole again. now his whole family wont speak to me. am i the asshole here? [/INST] nta- in this type of situation you go off of what the immediate family wants- spouse, parents and siblings. if any one of those people ask others outside of that circle to please not post stuff you don’t post jack shit. it’s not right to do otherwise: both your sil and niece are in the wrong here. there’s grieving and then there’s attention seeking posts. you know which one they are posting for- they are being extremely disrespectful and for them to pull this kind of shit is disgusting. i’m sorry for your loss. </s>
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AITA for putting a parent in her place when she refused to parent her autistic son?
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i posted this on r/entitledparents but i have been receiving a lot of backlash because of it and now i am beginning to believe i might be the asshole in this situation.
&#x200b;
for some context, i live in a basement apartment with my husband and our dog who as well as being a service animal, loves kids and is very mild-mannered. we have been having issues with our upstairs neighbors since november in regards to loud stomping, furniture being slammed, and loud screaming. i have been up to talk to them about it several times and last night i reached my breaking point.
i went upstairs to ask them to please stop stomping as my husband works early mornings and was trying to sleep for work. when she opened the door i could see that the small two-bedroom apartment had no less than six adults and four kids inside of it. i calmly asked them to stop the stomping and since this is the third time i have had to ask in the last four months, the next time it got this bad i would be lodging a complaint with the property management company.
my neighbor had a friend over who has a 3-year-old who is on the spectrum and was the one stomping the hardest and causing the most amount of noise. her friend gets a sour look on her face and started chirping at me from across the room.
friend: you live in a basement apartment and he has autism, what the hell do you expect me to do there is going to be some noise.
me: ok, i get that i live in the basement but stomping until picture frames fall off my walls is a different story.
friend: well he has autism, what the hell do you expect me to do?
me: put some slippers on him, or maybe secure some pillows to his feet. if he absolutely hast to stomp his feet let him lay on the sofa and kick the back of it or let him kick the wall if it needs to be something hard.
friend: (exasperated sigh) well he likes dinosaurs and he gets excited when he sees them and when he gets excited he stomps his feet.
me: then don't show him a movie with dinosaurs.
friend: (another snort) you just don't get it, he has autism.
me: no, i get it, i worked with kids with needs for three years. i worked with a kid who loved to stomp and when he needed to i would wrap his feet in foam and let him go to town on a sound dampening mat i picked up for him to stomp on.
friend: oh. well, i guess he can quiet it down a bit.
&#x200b;
&#x200b;
aita in this situation? i never raised my voice, swore, or told her she wasn't parenting her child correctly. i feel like i handled myself in a professional and adult manner but i could be mistaken.
| 422 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/swg8fu/aita_for_putting_a_parent_in_her_place_when_she/
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2022-02-19 18:15:50
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nta.
parents can't just chuck 'he has autism' for everything their kids do. and i do have family members that are autistic.
you were perfectly reasonable with the way you spoke to them, maybe shouldn't have said don't show him a movie with dinosaurs cause that's unfair to the kid.
having a child with autism is allowing them to express their ways in their own way but when it comes to stomping feet there is plenty of other ways they can do that such as what you've suggested.
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i have autism, i think your suggestions were just fine. i also think she was using the childs autism as an excuse to simple not parent. yes, soem austitc children can be very noisy, many of us abore noise, the point is the parent should understand her childs needs and be aware of how disrupting they can be. especially since she doesn't even live there. nta
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she’s just using it as an excuse for her lack of parenting. you explained it well & even got a response that made her think twice. definitely nta.
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nta
the kid doesn't *need* to stomp so hard and loudly that it's shaking pictures. there are ways to let him pretend to be a dinosaur that are respectful of the fact that he's in an apartment with neighbors.
living in an apartment means dealing with reasonable noise from neighbors. this is not that and you were polite in how you spoke to them whereas they were dismissive and rude. solid nta.
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nta. people need to parent, special needs or not. their child having autism does not negate the needs of those around them, no does it absolve the child of any sense of community and consideration.
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nta - mother of autistic son, here. you handled that like a champ.
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nta, and you are nicer than i would have been. from your perspective, the kid's autism is utterly irrelevant. there is a person stomping on your ceiling hard enough to make pictures shake. this interferes with your ability to have a restful home.
figuring out how to stop the kid from stomping is their task, not yours.
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nta
using your childs autism as an excuse to be rude to your friends neighbour reeks of 'autism speaks' moms.
you gave advice you have learned from your profession, it's very respectful imo. and you don't have to take exessive noise, make the complaint if you have to.
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nta - while it is hard to parent a child with autism, especially a toddler with autism, she should be more aware of ways to deal with something as simple as stomping. not showing the child dinosaurs isn't something hard to do. putting a child on a carpet, padded floor, or pillows is not a bad idea. hopefully she doesn't use the "he has autism" argument for long because that isn't going to go over well in public places.
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nta. autism is not an excuse for not parenting.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i posted this on r/entitledparents but i have been receiving a lot of backlash because of it and now i am beginning to believe i might be the asshole in this situation. &#x200b; for some context, i live in a basement apartment with my husband and our dog who as well as being a service animal, loves kids and is very mild-mannered. we have been having issues with our upstairs neighbors since november in regards to loud stomping, furniture being slammed, and loud screaming. i have been up to talk to them about it several times and last night i reached my breaking point. i went upstairs to ask them to please stop stomping as my husband works early mornings and was trying to sleep for work. when she opened the door i could see that the small two-bedroom apartment had no less than six adults and four kids inside of it. i calmly asked them to stop the stomping and since this is the third time i have had to ask in the last four months, the next time it got this bad i would be lodging a complaint with the property management company. my neighbor had a friend over who has a 3-year-old who is on the spectrum and was the one stomping the hardest and causing the most amount of noise. her friend gets a sour look on her face and started chirping at me from across the room. friend: you live in a basement apartment and he has autism, what the hell do you expect me to do there is going to be some noise. me: ok, i get that i live in the basement but stomping until picture frames fall off my walls is a different story. friend: well he has autism, what the hell do you expect me to do? me: put some slippers on him, or maybe secure some pillows to his feet. if he absolutely hast to stomp his feet let him lay on the sofa and kick the back of it or let him kick the wall if it needs to be something hard. friend: (exasperated sigh) well he likes dinosaurs and he gets excited when he sees them and when he gets excited he stomps his feet. me: then don't show him a movie with dinosaurs. friend: (another snort) you just don't get it, he has autism. me: no, i get it, i worked with kids with needs for three years. i worked with a kid who loved to stomp and when he needed to i would wrap his feet in foam and let him go to town on a sound dampening mat i picked up for him to stomp on. friend: oh. well, i guess he can quiet it down a bit. &#x200b; &#x200b; aita in this situation? i never raised my voice, swore, or told her she wasn't parenting her child correctly. i feel like i handled myself in a professional and adult manner but i could be mistaken.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i posted this on r/entitledparents but i have been receiving a lot of backlash because of it and now i am beginning to believe i might be the asshole in this situation. &#x200b; for some context, i live in a basement apartment with my husband and our dog who as well as being a service animal, loves kids and is very mild-mannered. we have been having issues with our upstairs neighbors since november in regards to loud stomping, furniture being slammed, and loud screaming. i have been up to talk to them about it several times and last night i reached my breaking point. i went upstairs to ask them to please stop stomping as my husband works early mornings and was trying to sleep for work. when she opened the door i could see that the small two-bedroom apartment had no less than six adults and four kids inside of it. i calmly asked them to stop the stomping and since this is the third time i have had to ask in the last four months, the next time it got this bad i would be lodging a complaint with the property management company. my neighbor had a friend over who has a 3-year-old who is on the spectrum and was the one stomping the hardest and causing the most amount of noise. her friend gets a sour look on her face and started chirping at me from across the room. friend: you live in a basement apartment and he has autism, what the hell do you expect me to do there is going to be some noise. me: ok, i get that i live in the basement but stomping until picture frames fall off my walls is a different story. friend: well he has autism, what the hell do you expect me to do? me: put some slippers on him, or maybe secure some pillows to his feet. if he absolutely hast to stomp his feet let him lay on the sofa and kick the back of it or let him kick the wall if it needs to be something hard. friend: (exasperated sigh) well he likes dinosaurs and he gets excited when he sees them and when he gets excited he stomps his feet. me: then don't show him a movie with dinosaurs. friend: (another snort) you just don't get it, he has autism. me: no, i get it, i worked with kids with needs for three years. i worked with a kid who loved to stomp and when he needed to i would wrap his feet in foam and let him go to town on a sound dampening mat i picked up for him to stomp on. friend: oh. well, i guess he can quiet it down a bit. &#x200b; &#x200b; aita in this situation? i never raised my voice, swore, or told her she wasn't parenting her child correctly. i feel like i handled myself in a professional and adult manner but i could be mistaken. [/INST] nta. parents can't just chuck 'he has autism' for everything their kids do. and i do have family members that are autistic. you were perfectly reasonable with the way you spoke to them, maybe shouldn't have said don't show him a movie with dinosaurs cause that's unfair to the kid. having a child with autism is allowing them to express their ways in their own way but when it comes to stomping feet there is plenty of other ways they can do that such as what you've suggested. </s>
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AITA For Telling My Father To Buy Me A Apartment (In A Dickish Manner)?
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this makes me sound entitled but please hear me out. maybe i am.
my father and mother divorced when i was three, and he makes a lot of money, because of the job he has. i (23) work a decent job, that makes okay money, and live with my mother. my father entered my life again when i was 17.
i’m planning to move out in a couple of months and move to a (relatively) expensive city, to continue onto further studies, and i’m looking at costs, etc., and figuring out how much i would be spending, rent, living costs, transportation all of these costs. it’s not going to be the easiest thing in the world but i’m excited! well. a few days ago, i was visiting my father at his house, and he asked me where i was planning to live. so i told him that honestly, i was still looking at cheap apartments to rent, because the housing there was sort of expensive. he asked me why i wasn’t buying an apartment.
i told him that honestly, if i spent every single dollar i had, i wouldn’t be able to afford an apartment, and i wasn’t interested in mortgage so early on in my life, and that i’m not sure if i’ll stay in that city for my entire life, so it wasn’t a sound investment for me.
that really bothered my father, and he told me that it was embarrassing for him to say to his friends that his son was living on rent, and that i should’ve made more fiscally responsible choices.
well, that seemed to be really unfair, so i told my father that if he really wanted me to buy an apartment, he could pay for it himself, because i did not have that much money on me, and that spawns a huge disagreement, where he keeps repeating the phrase “fiscally irresponsible,” saying that my attitude of expecting free things was the reason i was never going to get far ahead in my life.
eventually i’m like fine. bye. i’m going back to my mother, and he throws a dig that i’m as fiscally irresponsible as her, so i retort “if i had a dollar for every time you’ve called me fiscally irresponsible, it would make up for the child support you skimped on,” which aggravates him further and i fuck off before i say something i regret.
he’s left me a voice message saying that i greatly disappointed him, and that my remark was uncalled for, and that he wanted the best for me, and that i should seriously consider buying an apartment, and quit acting like a spoiled child, and that if i move out of that city, i could always resell my apartment.
my best mate says that my dad’s a prick, but i can’t help shake off the feeling that i am a spoiled child, so i await your judgement.
tl;dr: my dad expects me to buy an apartment that i cannot physically afford, and when i told him he can buy me one, an argument ensued, where he called me irresponsible with money and i pointed out that he skimps on child support.
| 2,012 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iqqe87/aita_for_telling_my_father_to_buy_me_a_apartment/
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2020-09-11 13:24:25
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nta. most 23 year olds don't have enough money to buy an apartment. hell, most 33 year olds don't have enough money to buy an apartment.
i hope he's embarrassed. he should be embarrassed for being an asshole father but i doubt that will happen.
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nta. your dad is a walking embodiment of the ok boomer meme. where does he get off blaming you for your “lack of fiscal responsibility” when he didn’t pay child support? you aren’t fiscally irresponsible if you don’t have money to buy an apartment. my goodness. what an ah.
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i was all ready to call you an asshole by the title but, yep you’re nta. very few 23 years olds no matter how fiscally responsible they are can afford to buy an apartment or house.
and he’s being a dick because it makes him look bad? like you said, if he had paid child support maybe you would behave the funds to buy an apartment now.
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nta. convenient that he only re-entered your life on the brink of you turning 18. what a tool. you said what any rational person would have said to him. if he’s so concerned, he can pony up the money himself.
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nta - he abandoned you and then decided to critic some specific life skills he didn’t actually teach you? you’d think he’d be more embarrassed being a failure of a father in his friends eyes than what his son is doing with his money
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nta you’re 23, which means if you graduated a year ago and have only been working for a year then it would be impossible for you to have enough money for a down payment in a major city. your dad is the one who needs a reality check.
you could tell him you’re taking his advice to be more “fiscally responsible” and that he should get you a 2 bedroom apt so then you can rent one out to help pay the mortgage, because if he doesn’t you and your mom will take him to court for back owed child support. 🙃
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nta.
your dad's either got a lot of nerve or absolutely no sense of self-awareness for calling you irresponsible in any way, when he abandoned you (emotionally, physically, and yes even fiscally) for 14+ years. and then to double-down and leave a message about how **you** disappointed **him**?
i'd tell him that maybe if he'd actually paid child support like he was supposed to, it would've allowed you make those "fiscally responsible" choices, but it's because of his irresponsibility that you can't do that.
and then i'd question whether or not i ever wanted to speak to him again.
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nta. was there by chance a child support order in place when your parents split? a lot of places require it and custody arrangements during a divorce.
the reason i ask is because, at least in most us states, when someone doesn't pay court-ordered child support, and then said child turns 18, the child support judgement doesn't poof into thin air. the person who was ordered to pay it, now owes it to the adult child. if there is any back child support due, he's still legally obligated to pay up.
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nta.
your dad left for a huge chunk of your life, then decides to come back now when youre basically done growing up? not only that but claims it would be embarrassing to tell his friends that his son pays rent/is renting?
you know whats embarrassing, being a dead beat father..
personally, i wouldnt take any of this to heart. keep doing what youre doing, it sounds like youve got a bright future ahead of you.
kudos to your mom as well. i can only imagine how hard it is being a single parent.
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nta if he doesn't want to be embarrassed he can buy it himself, like you said.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this makes me sound entitled but please hear me out. maybe i am. my father and mother divorced when i was three, and he makes a lot of money, because of the job he has. i (23) work a decent job, that makes okay money, and live with my mother. my father entered my life again when i was 17. i’m planning to move out in a couple of months and move to a (relatively) expensive city, to continue onto further studies, and i’m looking at costs, etc., and figuring out how much i would be spending, rent, living costs, transportation all of these costs. it’s not going to be the easiest thing in the world but i’m excited! well. a few days ago, i was visiting my father at his house, and he asked me where i was planning to live. so i told him that honestly, i was still looking at cheap apartments to rent, because the housing there was sort of expensive. he asked me why i wasn’t buying an apartment. i told him that honestly, if i spent every single dollar i had, i wouldn’t be able to afford an apartment, and i wasn’t interested in mortgage so early on in my life, and that i’m not sure if i’ll stay in that city for my entire life, so it wasn’t a sound investment for me. that really bothered my father, and he told me that it was embarrassing for him to say to his friends that his son was living on rent, and that i should’ve made more fiscally responsible choices. well, that seemed to be really unfair, so i told my father that if he really wanted me to buy an apartment, he could pay for it himself, because i did not have that much money on me, and that spawns a huge disagreement, where he keeps repeating the phrase “fiscally irresponsible,” saying that my attitude of expecting free things was the reason i was never going to get far ahead in my life. eventually i’m like fine. bye. i’m going back to my mother, and he throws a dig that i’m as fiscally irresponsible as her, so i retort “if i had a dollar for every time you’ve called me fiscally irresponsible, it would make up for the child support you skimped on,” which aggravates him further and i fuck off before i say something i regret. he’s left me a voice message saying that i greatly disappointed him, and that my remark was uncalled for, and that he wanted the best for me, and that i should seriously consider buying an apartment, and quit acting like a spoiled child, and that if i move out of that city, i could always resell my apartment. my best mate says that my dad’s a prick, but i can’t help shake off the feeling that i am a spoiled child, so i await your judgement. tl;dr: my dad expects me to buy an apartment that i cannot physically afford, and when i told him he can buy me one, an argument ensued, where he called me irresponsible with money and i pointed out that he skimps on child support.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this makes me sound entitled but please hear me out. maybe i am. my father and mother divorced when i was three, and he makes a lot of money, because of the job he has. i (23) work a decent job, that makes okay money, and live with my mother. my father entered my life again when i was 17. i’m planning to move out in a couple of months and move to a (relatively) expensive city, to continue onto further studies, and i’m looking at costs, etc., and figuring out how much i would be spending, rent, living costs, transportation all of these costs. it’s not going to be the easiest thing in the world but i’m excited! well. a few days ago, i was visiting my father at his house, and he asked me where i was planning to live. so i told him that honestly, i was still looking at cheap apartments to rent, because the housing there was sort of expensive. he asked me why i wasn’t buying an apartment. i told him that honestly, if i spent every single dollar i had, i wouldn’t be able to afford an apartment, and i wasn’t interested in mortgage so early on in my life, and that i’m not sure if i’ll stay in that city for my entire life, so it wasn’t a sound investment for me. that really bothered my father, and he told me that it was embarrassing for him to say to his friends that his son was living on rent, and that i should’ve made more fiscally responsible choices. well, that seemed to be really unfair, so i told my father that if he really wanted me to buy an apartment, he could pay for it himself, because i did not have that much money on me, and that spawns a huge disagreement, where he keeps repeating the phrase “fiscally irresponsible,” saying that my attitude of expecting free things was the reason i was never going to get far ahead in my life. eventually i’m like fine. bye. i’m going back to my mother, and he throws a dig that i’m as fiscally irresponsible as her, so i retort “if i had a dollar for every time you’ve called me fiscally irresponsible, it would make up for the child support you skimped on,” which aggravates him further and i fuck off before i say something i regret. he’s left me a voice message saying that i greatly disappointed him, and that my remark was uncalled for, and that he wanted the best for me, and that i should seriously consider buying an apartment, and quit acting like a spoiled child, and that if i move out of that city, i could always resell my apartment. my best mate says that my dad’s a prick, but i can’t help shake off the feeling that i am a spoiled child, so i await your judgement. tl;dr: my dad expects me to buy an apartment that i cannot physically afford, and when i told him he can buy me one, an argument ensued, where he called me irresponsible with money and i pointed out that he skimps on child support. [/INST] nta. most 23 year olds don't have enough money to buy an apartment. hell, most 33 year olds don't have enough money to buy an apartment. i hope he's embarrassed. he should be embarrassed for being an asshole father but i doubt that will happen. </s>
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AITA for telling my SIL that I feel bad for her unborn baby?
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my husband's family is pretty messed up. i (36) have two sils "jane" (40) and "abby" (25). mil (65) and jane do not get along at all and abby is her golden child, and spoiled as hell. mil has expressed a couple times in the previous year that she would like a better relationship with jane, but jane finally got to the point that she was ready to move forward. mil and jane were going to go shopping today, but honestly i think they are afraid to be alone together, so jane invited me, mil was not happy and said she is bringing abby.
abby can't stand that her mom and jane are possibly reconciling. she refers to herself as an only child, and is used to getting all of mil's attention. also she is like a month pregnant and thinks everything revolves around her baby. she keeps saying she is giving mil her first grandchild and when i point out that i have kids she says they dont count. anyway she acted ridiculous today. she kept grabbing onto mil, calling her mommy, talking in baby talk, and she would freak if she saw jane and mil talking at all. she literally attempted to sit on her at panera bread and when mil asked her to get off she was like "but mommyyy"
the final straw was when she screamed at mil in the middle of the store "why did you traffic me from the philippines if you already had a daughter?" she is adopted, but i have no idea wtf she was talking about, and people turned to stare. jane was getting frustrated, but mil can never say no to abby. i finally told abby that i feel bad for her baby because she is clearly on the mental level of a toddler, and i can't imagine her as a mother. abby stormed off and mil left with her. mil texted me that i am horrible, and i am just bitter over not getting her money. now the whole family is having drama and abby is literally grasping at straws (she is adopted, her baby is going to be biracial) and trying to make it sound like i insulted her for some horrible reason.
| 1,199 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k29zhq/aita_for_telling_my_sil_that_i_feel_bad_for_her/
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2020-11-27 21:23:37
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nta. this whole family sounds like a mess lol
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nta. if you know this group is bat$hit crazy, don’t fuel their fire. stay away and do not engage in their mess. sounds like that will keep you out of the line of fire. good luck!
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i think this is a justifiable ah but y’all..
esh
take a step back away from that family. just don’t. it’s not your circus. just sit in the stands with your popcorn and watch those clowns tumble around.
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eh, from an open mind, i see you trying to protect jane, and make mil wake up to abby’s stupidity, but at the same time, “abby” is the baby, and seeing how spoiled she is, she couldn’t possibly do no wrong, what you said was kinda mean, but its with good reason. she needs to grow up, and quick, because “mommy” isn’t going to be here forever, and “mommy” isn’t going to raise abby jr. so i get where you’re coming from. and i say esh. but i’m definitely not against you.
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wait, abby is saying that her own brother's children "don't count?" wow.
esh, though, this whole family sounds like a mess.
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esh
you know these people live for drama, so you joined them and upped the drama.
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esh. abby is obviously a freaking nightmare, but you just added fuel to a fire instead of being a mediator. even if you felt you had to call her out, you could have done it in a more productive way. “abby, you’re embarrassing your mom. let’s have a conversation without being mean.”
honestly, i see no path forward for jane and mil without heavy counseling, but you didn’t do jane any favors by saying something so below the belt. now mil has a justification for continuing to defend her poor picked on golden child instead of being focused on abby’s bad behavior.
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nta. i know what it's like to have family members who act like they are under age 5 despite being several times older.
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esh. this sounds like a clusterfuck of a family. but honestly, what you said was mean.
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nta - i can only imagine she's gonna get worse as the pregnancy progresses.
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.595226 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband's family is pretty messed up. i (36) have two sils "jane" (40) and "abby" (25). mil (65) and jane do not get along at all and abby is her golden child, and spoiled as hell. mil has expressed a couple times in the previous year that she would like a better relationship with jane, but jane finally got to the point that she was ready to move forward. mil and jane were going to go shopping today, but honestly i think they are afraid to be alone together, so jane invited me, mil was not happy and said she is bringing abby. abby can't stand that her mom and jane are possibly reconciling. she refers to herself as an only child, and is used to getting all of mil's attention. also she is like a month pregnant and thinks everything revolves around her baby. she keeps saying she is giving mil her first grandchild and when i point out that i have kids she says they dont count. anyway she acted ridiculous today. she kept grabbing onto mil, calling her mommy, talking in baby talk, and she would freak if she saw jane and mil talking at all. she literally attempted to sit on her at panera bread and when mil asked her to get off she was like "but mommyyy" the final straw was when she screamed at mil in the middle of the store "why did you traffic me from the philippines if you already had a daughter?" she is adopted, but i have no idea wtf she was talking about, and people turned to stare. jane was getting frustrated, but mil can never say no to abby. i finally told abby that i feel bad for her baby because she is clearly on the mental level of a toddler, and i can't imagine her as a mother. abby stormed off and mil left with her. mil texted me that i am horrible, and i am just bitter over not getting her money. now the whole family is having drama and abby is literally grasping at straws (she is adopted, her baby is going to be biracial) and trying to make it sound like i insulted her for some horrible reason.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband's family is pretty messed up. i (36) have two sils "jane" (40) and "abby" (25). mil (65) and jane do not get along at all and abby is her golden child, and spoiled as hell. mil has expressed a couple times in the previous year that she would like a better relationship with jane, but jane finally got to the point that she was ready to move forward. mil and jane were going to go shopping today, but honestly i think they are afraid to be alone together, so jane invited me, mil was not happy and said she is bringing abby. abby can't stand that her mom and jane are possibly reconciling. she refers to herself as an only child, and is used to getting all of mil's attention. also she is like a month pregnant and thinks everything revolves around her baby. she keeps saying she is giving mil her first grandchild and when i point out that i have kids she says they dont count. anyway she acted ridiculous today. she kept grabbing onto mil, calling her mommy, talking in baby talk, and she would freak if she saw jane and mil talking at all. she literally attempted to sit on her at panera bread and when mil asked her to get off she was like "but mommyyy" the final straw was when she screamed at mil in the middle of the store "why did you traffic me from the philippines if you already had a daughter?" she is adopted, but i have no idea wtf she was talking about, and people turned to stare. jane was getting frustrated, but mil can never say no to abby. i finally told abby that i feel bad for her baby because she is clearly on the mental level of a toddler, and i can't imagine her as a mother. abby stormed off and mil left with her. mil texted me that i am horrible, and i am just bitter over not getting her money. now the whole family is having drama and abby is literally grasping at straws (she is adopted, her baby is going to be biracial) and trying to make it sound like i insulted her for some horrible reason. [/INST] nta. this whole family sounds like a mess lol </s>
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AITA for refusing to pay for a trip for my sister and estranged mother?
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i (29f) have been raising my sister (18f) since she was born, if you ask me. she was born shortly after my 11th birthday and since my mom had been woefully unprepared and incapable of caring for even one child, i ended up taking on a lot of the responsibility for her. my mother has always been irresponsible and selfish at best, and downright neglectful at worst. when i was 17 and had been working for two years, i decided to move out with a friend from school and i asked my sister to come with me. i believed leaving her would have been cruel and dangerous, and i urged her to come. she did, and our mother never tried to get us to move back though she did attempt contact several times as if nothing had happened. i did not let her reach my sister.
over the last year, my sister has started longing for a relationship with our mother despite my best efforts over the years to give her any emotional and familial support she needed. they got in contact over social media, and my mother has convinced her of a narrative that i stole my sister away and she had always been wanted. my sister accused me of trying to hide her from her own mother and ruin the family, and since i did urge a young child to leave her mother and prevented further contact for years i felt guilty. though i'm still furious over the conditions we once had to live in because of this woman, i didn't stop them from meeting and i have been paying for them to go on dates of a sort, with meals and movies or even a day at a small amusement park once.
now she has graduated hs and is going into junior college, and for her graduation gift she wanted a trip to a national park in our state. i thought it was going to be us, or some of her friends, and i agreed and asked who all was going so i knew how much it would cost. she wants it to be just her and our mother, and she wants me to pay for it. i was astonished, and honestly hurt, that she didn't want to share such a milestone in her life and education with me, the person who has raised and loved her all her life. and i couldn't stomach the idea of paying for our mother to go in my place when she has done nothing to support this child she made. i agreed to pay for my sister's half so she could go, but i refuse to keep putting money in the bottomless well that is our mother. she agreed this was fair at first, but after talking to our mother about it she is convinced i am trying to separate them further and i am plotting to sabotage them since she can't afford to pay her own half. i just don't want to keep paying for the luxuries of a woman who couldn't even pay for all my necessities as a child.
aita for refusing to pay for both my sister and mother?
| 718 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wivgmi/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_a_trip_for_my_sister/
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2022-08-08 01:08:45
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nta. you offered to pay for your sister, so the argument that you are trying to separate them makes zero sense. if your mother wants to have this trip with your sister so badly, she can pay her own way. as for your sister, i fear she will have to learn a lesson the hard way that you have been the parent she needed this whole time, and your mother is not the person she wants her to be.
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do not foot the bill for your manipulative abusive mother, remember she's most definitely the adult here and she should pay her own way. honestly i wouldn't do anything to enable this relationship since she is appearing to only pop up to damage the sisterly bond.
your sister has been a minor this entire time maybe you need a reminder how the mother has never bothered to get custody of her. hopefully she'll quit being so naive eventually. nta
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nta. your sister is an adult and can now experience the joy of living with your mother. i suggest a gift of sending her to live with mom. my guess it will take a week or two for reality to sink in
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nta...but reading through this, it is pretty clear that you have built up a lot of (pretty justified) resentment against your sister for what feels like a betrayal. this is what your mother wants.
i think you need to take a very deep breath. tell your sister "i have deep-seated issues with our mother. i do not wish to become involved with her. you do. that is your right. i hope that she is a better mother now to you. but whatever happens, i will always be here for you." and...well, accept that your sister is now of an age to make a very regrettable decision.
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nta, if your mother wanted your sister back there are things she could have done to make that happen. stick to your guns and be ready for the fall out. at some point this woman is going to let your sister down. she will need support.
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nta your mom is manipulating her now. the moment you said she thought it was fair to only pay her since til she talked to her mother was when it was obvious. keep firm. tell her you’ll pay for her half but if she wants her mother to go tell her to either get her to fork up the money or get a job herself. your sister doesn’t seem to respect the fact you were hurt both by her mother when you did and her now by chooser her mother for this milestone. if she gives you complaints about wanting to spend this milestone with her mom for once, ask when did her mother actually try to get her to go back.
honestly this kinda reminds me of a mother and her daughter. her daughter uninvited her mom from her graduation because of her estranged father, and then got mad her mother refused to go after the dad was a no show. they talked it out and the girl said she’ll make the sacrifice of not having her mother there as long as there a chance her dad will. i think this situation may be familiar. this is only my opinion.
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nta - national parks can be pretty cheap; mom must be really broke - expect more handout requests
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nta you have done well by your sister, if you keep loving her and raising her as a mother like you have she will see it soon enough. she is rebelling against you as a mother right now not as a sister, stay strong, stay right, and stay loving. she will return to you in the end.
deep breaths will be your friend for the time being, if you lash out at her or even about your mother it will only serve your mother. just be true north.
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nta. other people have made some great comments already so i want to add something looking forward - you took on a parenting relationship and so that means sometimes you need to step back to make sure that a parent-adult child relationship doesn’t break. i understand how your sister feels. i didn’t have a relationship with my bio father and i longed for that, but eventually i saw what he did was crappy despite his excuses and no one needed to tell me. don’t feel bad about telling your sister your side, but don’t try to make her choose. your mom is manipulative and she is trying to make your sister choose between you two. when a rough spot comes your mom will drop her while you will be dependable. just let that naturally take it’s course. i’m assuming you raised your sister to be smart? trust that time and experience will catch up to her too.
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nta stick to your guns. do not let your sister emotionally blackmail you. you saved her all those years ago. when your mom finds out her free trips are over she will drop your sister.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (29f) have been raising my sister (18f) since she was born, if you ask me. she was born shortly after my 11th birthday and since my mom had been woefully unprepared and incapable of caring for even one child, i ended up taking on a lot of the responsibility for her. my mother has always been irresponsible and selfish at best, and downright neglectful at worst. when i was 17 and had been working for two years, i decided to move out with a friend from school and i asked my sister to come with me. i believed leaving her would have been cruel and dangerous, and i urged her to come. she did, and our mother never tried to get us to move back though she did attempt contact several times as if nothing had happened. i did not let her reach my sister. over the last year, my sister has started longing for a relationship with our mother despite my best efforts over the years to give her any emotional and familial support she needed. they got in contact over social media, and my mother has convinced her of a narrative that i stole my sister away and she had always been wanted. my sister accused me of trying to hide her from her own mother and ruin the family, and since i did urge a young child to leave her mother and prevented further contact for years i felt guilty. though i'm still furious over the conditions we once had to live in because of this woman, i didn't stop them from meeting and i have been paying for them to go on dates of a sort, with meals and movies or even a day at a small amusement park once. now she has graduated hs and is going into junior college, and for her graduation gift she wanted a trip to a national park in our state. i thought it was going to be us, or some of her friends, and i agreed and asked who all was going so i knew how much it would cost. she wants it to be just her and our mother, and she wants me to pay for it. i was astonished, and honestly hurt, that she didn't want to share such a milestone in her life and education with me, the person who has raised and loved her all her life. and i couldn't stomach the idea of paying for our mother to go in my place when she has done nothing to support this child she made. i agreed to pay for my sister's half so she could go, but i refuse to keep putting money in the bottomless well that is our mother. she agreed this was fair at first, but after talking to our mother about it she is convinced i am trying to separate them further and i am plotting to sabotage them since she can't afford to pay her own half. i just don't want to keep paying for the luxuries of a woman who couldn't even pay for all my necessities as a child. aita for refusing to pay for both my sister and mother?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (29f) have been raising my sister (18f) since she was born, if you ask me. she was born shortly after my 11th birthday and since my mom had been woefully unprepared and incapable of caring for even one child, i ended up taking on a lot of the responsibility for her. my mother has always been irresponsible and selfish at best, and downright neglectful at worst. when i was 17 and had been working for two years, i decided to move out with a friend from school and i asked my sister to come with me. i believed leaving her would have been cruel and dangerous, and i urged her to come. she did, and our mother never tried to get us to move back though she did attempt contact several times as if nothing had happened. i did not let her reach my sister. over the last year, my sister has started longing for a relationship with our mother despite my best efforts over the years to give her any emotional and familial support she needed. they got in contact over social media, and my mother has convinced her of a narrative that i stole my sister away and she had always been wanted. my sister accused me of trying to hide her from her own mother and ruin the family, and since i did urge a young child to leave her mother and prevented further contact for years i felt guilty. though i'm still furious over the conditions we once had to live in because of this woman, i didn't stop them from meeting and i have been paying for them to go on dates of a sort, with meals and movies or even a day at a small amusement park once. now she has graduated hs and is going into junior college, and for her graduation gift she wanted a trip to a national park in our state. i thought it was going to be us, or some of her friends, and i agreed and asked who all was going so i knew how much it would cost. she wants it to be just her and our mother, and she wants me to pay for it. i was astonished, and honestly hurt, that she didn't want to share such a milestone in her life and education with me, the person who has raised and loved her all her life. and i couldn't stomach the idea of paying for our mother to go in my place when she has done nothing to support this child she made. i agreed to pay for my sister's half so she could go, but i refuse to keep putting money in the bottomless well that is our mother. she agreed this was fair at first, but after talking to our mother about it she is convinced i am trying to separate them further and i am plotting to sabotage them since she can't afford to pay her own half. i just don't want to keep paying for the luxuries of a woman who couldn't even pay for all my necessities as a child. aita for refusing to pay for both my sister and mother? [/INST] nta. you offered to pay for your sister, so the argument that you are trying to separate them makes zero sense. if your mother wants to have this trip with your sister so badly, she can pay her own way. as for your sister, i fear she will have to learn a lesson the hard way that you have been the parent she needed this whole time, and your mother is not the person she wants her to be. </s>
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AITA for ruining a girl's scholarship after she called me a "bitch ass beaner"
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so im in an area where there's a lot of rednecks, latinos and blacks. the latinos and the blacks here don't really like each other and there's gang violence and usually the rednecks aren't too fond of them either but they mostly keep to them selves. unfortunately this spills out into school and everyone hangs out with people of the same race. i'm actually white (portuguese, italian, french) but a lot of people think i'm latino cuz of my dark skin and i like to speak spanish. anyways one day this group of black girls who i've never really liked walk up to me and say "what the fuck are you doing here you bitch ass beaner? the taco shop is down the street" and they all laugh and walk away. this girl got an athletic scholarship to a good university (she's very good at volleyball and she's got alright grades too) and she came from a poorer household. she was going to be the first person in her family to ever go to university. i remember she posted some drama online on a instagram account my friend is following and doesn't have her name explicitly in it so she screenshots all of that and find a post 3 years ago on facebook saying some racist stuff about latinos and white people. i screenshot that and send it to penn state and my school's admin. she got suspended from our school and lost her shit and posted it all on social media. her university at first was skeptical about my claims and evidence i sent them and apparently weren't even going to do anything until her reaction which then proved to the university that she did in fact say those racist things. not only did she lose her scholarship to the university with the scholarship but she got rejected by all the other top colleges and is now going to community college.
| 1,336 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b6qqjv/aita_for_ruining_a_girls_scholarship_after_she/
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2019-03-29 00:36:54
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nta on behalf of one of two latinas in a graduating class of around 200ish white people who enjoyed calling us beaner, spic, wetback, and got assaulted on camera at school where the admins shrugged it off.
thank you. this is how you be an ally.
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nta doesn’t matter where u came from, can’t treat others that way and expect to succeed
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nta
you didn't ruin her scholarship. she did that to herself.
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you're entire imaginary town sounds racist.
shp post, you've already posted here with another scenario. you knew making a black person the villain in a race related scenario would get you positive attention
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shp
why would top colleges reject her when they know nothing about this? if it was that well known, why wouldn’t community colleges reject her too?
who exactly did you send the screenshots to, and why would someone at penn give a fuck about an email from a high schooler that said “someone who got accepted to your uni made racist posts five years ago”?
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nta. she played her hand, and she has to live with that.
also, you should really consider posting this story to r/prorevenge, it would fit right in.
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i want to say this is a shp.
otherwise (and this may be unpopular), yta.
getting some revenge is fine, i can understand that. but the asshole scale is off the chart.
okay, she called you a nasty name and made a stupid joke.
you potentially ruined her entire future.
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yta
what is this fascination with ruining people’s lives for making a mean comment? seriously this has consequences she will feel for the rest of her life, does she deserve just because she made a mean comment? fuck get some perspective, i’m sure you’ve said mean shit to people before; should you be stripped of your scholarship? should you lose out in your future you put work into for years? does it really matter in the bigger picture of life if she called you a beaner?
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shp
did any of you go look at this account? 1 day old, with all sorts of contradictory posts. one says she's a 16f, another says she's got a daughter. mods let's drop the banhammer please.
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shp
you're just trying to race bait
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null | null | 0.419026 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so im in an area where there's a lot of rednecks, latinos and blacks. the latinos and the blacks here don't really like each other and there's gang violence and usually the rednecks aren't too fond of them either but they mostly keep to them selves. unfortunately this spills out into school and everyone hangs out with people of the same race. i'm actually white (portuguese, italian, french) but a lot of people think i'm latino cuz of my dark skin and i like to speak spanish. anyways one day this group of black girls who i've never really liked walk up to me and say "what the fuck are you doing here you bitch ass beaner? the taco shop is down the street" and they all laugh and walk away. this girl got an athletic scholarship to a good university (she's very good at volleyball and she's got alright grades too) and she came from a poorer household. she was going to be the first person in her family to ever go to university. i remember she posted some drama online on a instagram account my friend is following and doesn't have her name explicitly in it so she screenshots all of that and find a post 3 years ago on facebook saying some racist stuff about latinos and white people. i screenshot that and send it to penn state and my school's admin. she got suspended from our school and lost her shit and posted it all on social media. her university at first was skeptical about my claims and evidence i sent them and apparently weren't even going to do anything until her reaction which then proved to the university that she did in fact say those racist things. not only did she lose her scholarship to the university with the scholarship but she got rejected by all the other top colleges and is now going to community college.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so im in an area where there's a lot of rednecks, latinos and blacks. the latinos and the blacks here don't really like each other and there's gang violence and usually the rednecks aren't too fond of them either but they mostly keep to them selves. unfortunately this spills out into school and everyone hangs out with people of the same race. i'm actually white (portuguese, italian, french) but a lot of people think i'm latino cuz of my dark skin and i like to speak spanish. anyways one day this group of black girls who i've never really liked walk up to me and say "what the fuck are you doing here you bitch ass beaner? the taco shop is down the street" and they all laugh and walk away. this girl got an athletic scholarship to a good university (she's very good at volleyball and she's got alright grades too) and she came from a poorer household. she was going to be the first person in her family to ever go to university. i remember she posted some drama online on a instagram account my friend is following and doesn't have her name explicitly in it so she screenshots all of that and find a post 3 years ago on facebook saying some racist stuff about latinos and white people. i screenshot that and send it to penn state and my school's admin. she got suspended from our school and lost her shit and posted it all on social media. her university at first was skeptical about my claims and evidence i sent them and apparently weren't even going to do anything until her reaction which then proved to the university that she did in fact say those racist things. not only did she lose her scholarship to the university with the scholarship but she got rejected by all the other top colleges and is now going to community college. [/INST] nta on behalf of one of two latinas in a graduating class of around 200ish white people who enjoyed calling us beaner, spic, wetback, and got assaulted on camera at school where the admins shrugged it off. thank you. this is how you be an ally. </s>
|
AITA for accidentally locking my brother out of the house overnight?
|
i f16 was left home alone last night. it was a friday night, my parents went out drinking with friends and i underestimated how late they’d come home.
my brother, m14 went to play a football game at 7:30 and i also underestimated how late he’d come home. one thing about my brother is he never has his house keys because he always just assumes i’ll be home to open the door, but i often dispute this because if you have house keys there’s no reason you shouldn’t always have them on you.
i’m a very early sleeper these days, i usually sleep at 9:30 and wake up at 4 or 5, and all week i had been very busy with work, college apps, and a ton of studying and assignments so i honestly barely got any sleep since monday. so when friday came around, i didn’t even make it to 11pm, i knocked out.
at around 2am i woke up and saw like 15 missed calls and texts from my parents, half of them being my dad cursing me out for being irresponsible. there were only 2 texts from my brother, asking where i was and then telling me he was sleeping at his best friend’s house, which made me feel a bit better because this friend only lives a few houses down from us.
aita? i feel really awful about this mostly because of how annoyed my dad was at me. i realise i probably should have left the door open but i was watching something creepy and was a little bit scared lol
| 678 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yaas1r/aita_for_accidentally_locking_my_brother_out_of/
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2022-10-22 01:41:04
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nta
•it’s dangerous to leave a door unlocked, especially with a minor alone at home. i can’t believe your parents are mad at you for keeping the house safe by locking the door
•your brother needs to carry his keys. as you said, there’s no excuse for him to never carry his keys on him
i hope this is a life lesson to your brother
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nta
your parents should have made sure you were both home before going out drinking, they were the irresponsible ones.
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nta. your brother should’ve had his keys. hopefully he’ll keep his keys with him now.
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op is 16! she shouldn’t be her brother’s keeper. if the parents were so concerned about the brother, they could’ve come home earlier. the brother is also 14, he is totally capable of taking the keys with him and get himself in.
nta op. your brother didn’t seem to care much. your dad was probably annoyed that his fun time out got interrupted.
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nta. so your brother 100% intended to come home and wake you up because he didn't bother to take the house key??? what an entitled ah. nta.
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nta
your brother was able to text you, so he had his phone on him. a house key takes up less room in his pocket than a phone. this incident might just teach him to carry his house key.
also, this incident might just teach your parents that they could have come home themselves, rather than staying out until 4 am.
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nta at all. you are not your brother’s keeper. your parents are guilting you when they were the ones out drinking while their children are home alone. the irony is your brother was perfectly capable of finding an alternative and nothing bas happened.
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nta. you're 16, you were home alone. you got tired, you fell asleep. it isn't your fault that your brother didn't take his keys. if your parents knew he was outside without his keys, they could have came home and let him in. this whole thing where your dad calls you flipping out is uncalled for.
you are not the parent. they are.
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nta how are you the irresponsible one when your brother was the one who forgot his keys
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nta
i always carried my house key, otherwise i’d have to wait my ass outside until someone else got home.
if your dad is that concerned and doesn’t want to blame your brother for never bringing his house key, he can buy a lock with a keypad for your house. they aren’t expensive and easy to install, if your brother has his phone he could even unlock it that way. you should never leave your home unlocked especially when you are a minor home alone.
your dad is ta here, your bother needs to remember his damn key or they can find an alternative method.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i f16 was left home alone last night. it was a friday night, my parents went out drinking with friends and i underestimated how late they’d come home. my brother, m14 went to play a football game at 7:30 and i also underestimated how late he’d come home. one thing about my brother is he never has his house keys because he always just assumes i’ll be home to open the door, but i often dispute this because if you have house keys there’s no reason you shouldn’t always have them on you. i’m a very early sleeper these days, i usually sleep at 9:30 and wake up at 4 or 5, and all week i had been very busy with work, college apps, and a ton of studying and assignments so i honestly barely got any sleep since monday. so when friday came around, i didn’t even make it to 11pm, i knocked out. at around 2am i woke up and saw like 15 missed calls and texts from my parents, half of them being my dad cursing me out for being irresponsible. there were only 2 texts from my brother, asking where i was and then telling me he was sleeping at his best friend’s house, which made me feel a bit better because this friend only lives a few houses down from us. aita? i feel really awful about this mostly because of how annoyed my dad was at me. i realise i probably should have left the door open but i was watching something creepy and was a little bit scared lol
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i f16 was left home alone last night. it was a friday night, my parents went out drinking with friends and i underestimated how late they’d come home. my brother, m14 went to play a football game at 7:30 and i also underestimated how late he’d come home. one thing about my brother is he never has his house keys because he always just assumes i’ll be home to open the door, but i often dispute this because if you have house keys there’s no reason you shouldn’t always have them on you. i’m a very early sleeper these days, i usually sleep at 9:30 and wake up at 4 or 5, and all week i had been very busy with work, college apps, and a ton of studying and assignments so i honestly barely got any sleep since monday. so when friday came around, i didn’t even make it to 11pm, i knocked out. at around 2am i woke up and saw like 15 missed calls and texts from my parents, half of them being my dad cursing me out for being irresponsible. there were only 2 texts from my brother, asking where i was and then telling me he was sleeping at his best friend’s house, which made me feel a bit better because this friend only lives a few houses down from us. aita? i feel really awful about this mostly because of how annoyed my dad was at me. i realise i probably should have left the door open but i was watching something creepy and was a little bit scared lol [/INST] nta •it’s dangerous to leave a door unlocked, especially with a minor alone at home. i can’t believe your parents are mad at you for keeping the house safe by locking the door •your brother needs to carry his keys. as you said, there’s no excuse for him to never carry his keys on him i hope this is a life lesson to your brother </s>
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AITA for laughing and putting my head in my hands when my wife tried to make me take a testosterone test?
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i’m just so frustrated right now.
my (28m) wife (29f) continues to try to blame the fact that i’m not attracted to her on me factors. maybe it’s my work, or my family, my weight.
now it is my hormone levels.
so my wife gave birth to our twins a year ago and since then i haven’t been attracted to her.
she’s had huge stretch marks and is still about 70 pounds over her pre baby weight. her personal hygiene is also very low.
i’ve been trying to give subtle clues. like let’s get a healthy meal subscription or let’s walk around the trails after dinner. or i’d talk about what perfumes she would like to wear.
however today she asked if next time i went to the doctor i’d get a testosterone test. i looked at her in disbelief. then she said that there could be a medical reason for my lack of attraction and kept pushing it.
i couldn’t take it and started laughing and putting my head in my hands and shaking it.
my wife got extremely pissed and said that you didn’t have to be 60 to have erectile dysfunction.
i finally snapped and said that i did get hard in the right circumstances ( and it’s true- every time i go back to the college campus where i do research, i have felt intense attraction for a lot of the women there.)
now she’s saying i’ve devastated her beyond belief and that her body will never be the same.
aita? i can’t help how disgusted i am about stretch marks and i can’t help that my previously dead sense of attraction goes all the way to 100 when i see women where i work and i hate my wife for denying that i’m not the problem at all.
| 2,614 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ij4iwl/aita_for_laughing_and_putting_my_head_in_my_hands/
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2020-08-30 01:43:21
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yta, if you love her just for her body, you don't love her. she gave a birth, a human being. of course her body won't be the same. strech marks are common like if not all of humans, most of us have it. i have stretch marks on my knees and my ass and i'm 23 years old male. just look your body, i'm %99 sure you have them somewhere. if she gained weight as normal, she was pregnant, just work out with her, not because she's "fat", just for her health.
i hope she dumps you.
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yta. stop comparing your wife, whose body went through pregnancy and birth of twins, to young college students who make you horny.
it might not be a medical issue, but yes you are the problem in this equation.
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yta if you are disgusted by stretch marks, you should have told her before you got her pregnant. and dropping subtle hints about your issues while she keeps trying to solve a problem you are hiding from her is no way to run a good relationship.
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yta. oh, buddy. this not going to go well for you.
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why are you getting erections in college campuses?
dude. ew.
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[removed]
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yta. your wife carried two children inside her for 9 months and pushed them out of her. your children, by the way. please tell her about getting hard for the college women! i'm sure that'll go down a treat. of course her body will never be the same, what did you expect???
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you are obviously the asshole. sounds like you just think your wife is disgusting and want to fuck other people. as if carrying and birthing your twins wasn’t enough for you. a year ? grow the fuck up. she had twins. it is perfectly normal to be overweight a year after having twins. you have not a clue the trauma that can inflict on the body- and thanks to you now the mind ! i mean really, were you not aware that having a baby, especially twins will make any woman gain weight or have stretch marks? like what planet do you live on ? just say you want to cheat on your wife.
your wife would be lucky to find someone who appreciates her.
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yta for lying to your wife for so long. she's noticed you're not attracted to her and is trying to figure out why you're not attracted to her (which is a you problem). at least she's doing something. you've let her because you wouldn't be honest with her. and like someone else mentioned, if you're only attracted to her because of her body, why are you with her? was that the only reason?
i can't fault you for your preferences. but did you ever once worry that she's struggling, hence the poor hygiene (which i question; is she not showering, like, ever or just not every day?)? is she depressed? is she exhausted from caring for two tiny humans? are you helping?
your husband skills really are coming off as poor.
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yta big time. your wife carried twins and this is how you treat her??
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m just so frustrated right now. my (28m) wife (29f) continues to try to blame the fact that i’m not attracted to her on me factors. maybe it’s my work, or my family, my weight. now it is my hormone levels. so my wife gave birth to our twins a year ago and since then i haven’t been attracted to her. she’s had huge stretch marks and is still about 70 pounds over her pre baby weight. her personal hygiene is also very low. i’ve been trying to give subtle clues. like let’s get a healthy meal subscription or let’s walk around the trails after dinner. or i’d talk about what perfumes she would like to wear. however today she asked if next time i went to the doctor i’d get a testosterone test. i looked at her in disbelief. then she said that there could be a medical reason for my lack of attraction and kept pushing it. i couldn’t take it and started laughing and putting my head in my hands and shaking it. my wife got extremely pissed and said that you didn’t have to be 60 to have erectile dysfunction. i finally snapped and said that i did get hard in the right circumstances ( and it’s true- every time i go back to the college campus where i do research, i have felt intense attraction for a lot of the women there.) now she’s saying i’ve devastated her beyond belief and that her body will never be the same. aita? i can’t help how disgusted i am about stretch marks and i can’t help that my previously dead sense of attraction goes all the way to 100 when i see women where i work and i hate my wife for denying that i’m not the problem at all.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m just so frustrated right now. my (28m) wife (29f) continues to try to blame the fact that i’m not attracted to her on me factors. maybe it’s my work, or my family, my weight. now it is my hormone levels. so my wife gave birth to our twins a year ago and since then i haven’t been attracted to her. she’s had huge stretch marks and is still about 70 pounds over her pre baby weight. her personal hygiene is also very low. i’ve been trying to give subtle clues. like let’s get a healthy meal subscription or let’s walk around the trails after dinner. or i’d talk about what perfumes she would like to wear. however today she asked if next time i went to the doctor i’d get a testosterone test. i looked at her in disbelief. then she said that there could be a medical reason for my lack of attraction and kept pushing it. i couldn’t take it and started laughing and putting my head in my hands and shaking it. my wife got extremely pissed and said that you didn’t have to be 60 to have erectile dysfunction. i finally snapped and said that i did get hard in the right circumstances ( and it’s true- every time i go back to the college campus where i do research, i have felt intense attraction for a lot of the women there.) now she’s saying i’ve devastated her beyond belief and that her body will never be the same. aita? i can’t help how disgusted i am about stretch marks and i can’t help that my previously dead sense of attraction goes all the way to 100 when i see women where i work and i hate my wife for denying that i’m not the problem at all. [/INST] yta, if you love her just for her body, you don't love her. she gave a birth, a human being. of course her body won't be the same. strech marks are common like if not all of humans, most of us have it. i have stretch marks on my knees and my ass and i'm 23 years old male. just look your body, i'm %99 sure you have them somewhere. if she gained weight as normal, she was pregnant, just work out with her, not because she's "fat", just for her health. i hope she dumps you. </s>
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AITA for telling my son's wife to shut the fuck up? He is just mad because my grandson is now saying fuck.
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my son and dil needed a place to stay with their three children, 10, 9, and 7, my wife and i really didn't want them, but they had no other options. they have a set date of when they have to move out, but ultimately we weren't going to leave them homeless.
dil has been so ridiculously annoying. she keeps demanding my wife be happy. it isn't enough that we gave them shelter, she expects my wife to be grateful for their presence, and when my wife tells her to leave her alone, she harasses her.
my wife's nerves are frayed from having the kids in the house all the time (distance learning) so she has begun leaving the house during the day, because she just can't stand the noise. my dil picked up on this and is lecturing us that we should be enjoying having the kids. she complains that my wife won't cook for her, constantly asks with help with childcare, despite us being very clear when they moved in.
my wife told her yesterday she needs to do more to keep the kids quiet. dil proceeded to harass her for a good ten minutes, about why isn't she enjoying this, why doesn't she like having the kids, why can't she be like a normal grandmother. i finally couldn't take it anymore and screamed at her to shut the fuck up. i actually didn't realize that the 7 year old was in the room, so now he has a new favorite word.
dil got very emotional and said i'm abusing her, and that isn't how adults communicate (we have tried to communicate) my son tried to talk to me about how i couldn't talk to his wife like that, but i told him to fuck off because he has done nothing to diffuse the situation, or try to mediate between her and his mother. now they keep bringing up how hostile i am, and my son begged me to apologize to keep the peace.
| 1,890 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j27fvw/aita_for_telling_my_sons_wife_to_shut_the_fuck_up/
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2020-09-29 20:25:36
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nta. these two need to move out yesterday. you aren’t obligated to put your own happiness and mental health on the line to bail out two adults who are responsible for their own housing.
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info: you talk a lot about the conflict in terms of between your wife and your dil. while you say that your son should have tried to defuse the situation, you make no mention of having intervened yourself, other than this sudden outburst of shouting. what else have you done to correct this situation?
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need more info. i feel like there are a lot of missing details. for one you keep calling her annoying as if you have a personal beef with her. another thing is until this one shout you haven't technically mentioned any attempts to diffuse so blaming the son is a bit weird. and sure you are doing them a favor but you do seem a little weirdly high and mighty for giving your son and his family a shelter. and was your wife not consulted before they moved in? even though they have agreed to a move out date. like generally people aren't this annoyed about doing their family a favor. something is fishy here.
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info: how had their 7 year old never heard "fuck" before?
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esh dil sounds just horrible, your son enables her, and you and your wife have put up with the situation way too long. it was time to kick them out months ago. your home needs to be a peaceful place.
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info- do you and your wife even like your grandkids? did you like your son before they moved in? your post is just dripping with contempt.
how did your wife raise a kid if she can’t tolerate being around them?
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nta. they should be grateful that you allowed them to move in with you guys and should be doing as little as possible to disrupt your way of life. but im kinda curious why they couldn't find their own place...
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your dil seems like an awful person. but i wonder where your son is in this. you should have a talk with him so he can help you handle the situation. you should also try to set up some boundaries with your dil. but if the situation can not be resolved you should sit them down and tell them they need to move out asap. you are already giving them a place to stay and they should be grateful.
nta, but still slightly the ah because you should have stood up for your wife earlier.
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esh. not realizing the 7 year old was in the room does not mitigate screaming at someone to shut the fuck up, as screaming can presumably be heard outside the room, and really you'd be the asshole even if no kids were at home, you're all just assholes, being assholes about being assholes to one another.
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i have a feeling dil’s version of this story would be very different...
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NTA
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INFO
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INFO
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INFO
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ESH
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| null | 0.35248 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my son and dil needed a place to stay with their three children, 10, 9, and 7, my wife and i really didn't want them, but they had no other options. they have a set date of when they have to move out, but ultimately we weren't going to leave them homeless. dil has been so ridiculously annoying. she keeps demanding my wife be happy. it isn't enough that we gave them shelter, she expects my wife to be grateful for their presence, and when my wife tells her to leave her alone, she harasses her. my wife's nerves are frayed from having the kids in the house all the time (distance learning) so she has begun leaving the house during the day, because she just can't stand the noise. my dil picked up on this and is lecturing us that we should be enjoying having the kids. she complains that my wife won't cook for her, constantly asks with help with childcare, despite us being very clear when they moved in. my wife told her yesterday she needs to do more to keep the kids quiet. dil proceeded to harass her for a good ten minutes, about why isn't she enjoying this, why doesn't she like having the kids, why can't she be like a normal grandmother. i finally couldn't take it anymore and screamed at her to shut the fuck up. i actually didn't realize that the 7 year old was in the room, so now he has a new favorite word. dil got very emotional and said i'm abusing her, and that isn't how adults communicate (we have tried to communicate) my son tried to talk to me about how i couldn't talk to his wife like that, but i told him to fuck off because he has done nothing to diffuse the situation, or try to mediate between her and his mother. now they keep bringing up how hostile i am, and my son begged me to apologize to keep the peace.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my son and dil needed a place to stay with their three children, 10, 9, and 7, my wife and i really didn't want them, but they had no other options. they have a set date of when they have to move out, but ultimately we weren't going to leave them homeless. dil has been so ridiculously annoying. she keeps demanding my wife be happy. it isn't enough that we gave them shelter, she expects my wife to be grateful for their presence, and when my wife tells her to leave her alone, she harasses her. my wife's nerves are frayed from having the kids in the house all the time (distance learning) so she has begun leaving the house during the day, because she just can't stand the noise. my dil picked up on this and is lecturing us that we should be enjoying having the kids. she complains that my wife won't cook for her, constantly asks with help with childcare, despite us being very clear when they moved in. my wife told her yesterday she needs to do more to keep the kids quiet. dil proceeded to harass her for a good ten minutes, about why isn't she enjoying this, why doesn't she like having the kids, why can't she be like a normal grandmother. i finally couldn't take it anymore and screamed at her to shut the fuck up. i actually didn't realize that the 7 year old was in the room, so now he has a new favorite word. dil got very emotional and said i'm abusing her, and that isn't how adults communicate (we have tried to communicate) my son tried to talk to me about how i couldn't talk to his wife like that, but i told him to fuck off because he has done nothing to diffuse the situation, or try to mediate between her and his mother. now they keep bringing up how hostile i am, and my son begged me to apologize to keep the peace. [/INST] nta. these two need to move out yesterday. you aren’t obligated to put your own happiness and mental health on the line to bail out two adults who are responsible for their own housing. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to buy Christmas gifts for my husband’s entire family?
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i (32f) am an only child. my husband and i have been married 2 years (together for 4) and have no kids yet. before i met my husband, i only bought christmas gifts for my parents and my grandma.
my husband has three sisters, all of whom are married, and each couple currently has 3 kids. plus his mom, dad, and step-mom. before we were married, he would only buy his parents christmas gifts. he’s the only boy and the baby of the family so no one really expected gifts from him in his early 20’s.
for family christmas when i was growing up, the children (my cousins) would draw a name and the adults would draw a name for christmas gifts so each child had another child’s name and each adult had another adult’s name. from my understanding, this is pretty normal in families.
i was very surprised when we started dating and i found out we were expected to get gifts for his parents, step-parent, three sisters, three brothers-in-law, and all nine kids. his sisters started a group text after we had been dating awhile sending christmas lists for themselves, their spouses, and their kids. his sisters had even called each other (without my husband or i) and chose $30 per gift and informed me of this via text.
i mentioned we drew names in my family, and suggested this as an alternative, especially because we don’t have children and buying for the nine kids plus siblings and their spouses gets incredibly expensive. his sisters didn’t even entertain that as an idea. one sister just said that they have to buy for the same amount too (because they also buy gifts for their own kids.)
we don’t have huge salaries and we chose to live below our means so that we can make extra monthly mortgage payments and pay off our house more quickly. christmas is a huge source of anxiety for me, both because of the expense, and because i hate shopping and trying to find gifts for everyone. i’d prefer to either draw names or just give gifts to his parents. we end up with a list of around 25 people to buy for, which is insane. we also don’t get to pay extra on our mortgage in december due to the amount of money we’re spending on gifts.
so reddit, aita for not wanting to get gifts for my husband’s 3 sisters, 3 brothers-in-law, and 9 nieces and nephews? [to keep a decent relationship with my in-laws, we’re going to do it anyway, i’m just trying to justify my level of annoyance at how ridiculous this is.]
| 1,736 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k40s26/aita_for_not_wanting_to_buy_christmas_gifts_for/
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2020-11-30 17:43:24
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nta. you can't be expected to shell out for 25+ gifts every single christmas, that's insane.
some friendly advice? i wouldn't do it even this once, because then you set an expectation.
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nta. that's a lot of people.
maybe you could get gifts that are meant to be shared for each "family", like board games or something.
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easy to see both sides here. while you're right that many families do draw names, many other families do get gifts for everybody.
instead of letting this stress you out - from the amount of money to shopping and choosing - why not let your husband handle this since it's his family? yes, it might be that the funds come from a joint account, but there's no reason he shouldn't be the one doing the shopping, choosing, wrapping, etc.
nah - you'll just have to decide if this is a hill worth dying on or if you go with the flow for this holiday to keep the peace with the in laws.
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[deleted]
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nta. spending $750 to get gifts for 25 people is completely unrealistic to expect out of anyone. i agree with the /u/enterthebugbear here. i wouldn't even do this one time, because it sends the message that this is acceptable, and they will expect it again in the future.
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nta
in my large family the adults draw names and we all buy for the kids (yes, a lot of kids but we make it work).
you may need to get firm. “we can’t afford $30 per person. we’d rather spend our money for gifts on the kids. we are fine if no one buys gifts for us.”
actually. it’s your husband who should be saying this to his family.
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nta. did we marry into the same family? i've been trying to argue the point that we shouldn't buy presents for siblings, and set a max $30 limit on each kid with it only being one gift per kid, but apparently that's "insane and cruel and stealing christmas cheer for children." i don't buy gifts for my siblings, but apparently it's like starting ww3 if we don't buy his siblings and inlaws gifts. plus, and this could just be me being petty and overdramatic per usual, the gifts they get us in return are shit. we've gotten jenga 3 times in 5 years, and last year his sister "made" me a shirt (she's 31) that was honestly, just a hot hot mess and about 4 sizes too large for me but she had to throw in the old "well i assumed it would fit you!" jab. like really mary? don't start.
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nta but info: has your husband *ever* bought gifts for all (or any) of the 9 kids? if not, why did that expectation materialize once he got married?
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nta. no one should be forced to give gifts for everyone. a couple with no kids should not have to subsidize everyone else's christmas.
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nta. holy cow i got anxious from reading that. $30 per gift for the kids alone is $270 dollars. i'm in college making $10 an hour so that's about two paychecks for me, that's a huge amount of money that not everyone has. if your husband insists on getting that many gifts the price per person needs to be lower.
this isn't an advice sub but is there a way you can get a gift for the siblings to share? for example when we were little we had a wii so some family members who were short on cash would get us a game for me and my siblings to share.
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (32f) am an only child. my husband and i have been married 2 years (together for 4) and have no kids yet. before i met my husband, i only bought christmas gifts for my parents and my grandma. my husband has three sisters, all of whom are married, and each couple currently has 3 kids. plus his mom, dad, and step-mom. before we were married, he would only buy his parents christmas gifts. he’s the only boy and the baby of the family so no one really expected gifts from him in his early 20’s. for family christmas when i was growing up, the children (my cousins) would draw a name and the adults would draw a name for christmas gifts so each child had another child’s name and each adult had another adult’s name. from my understanding, this is pretty normal in families. i was very surprised when we started dating and i found out we were expected to get gifts for his parents, step-parent, three sisters, three brothers-in-law, and all nine kids. his sisters started a group text after we had been dating awhile sending christmas lists for themselves, their spouses, and their kids. his sisters had even called each other (without my husband or i) and chose $30 per gift and informed me of this via text. i mentioned we drew names in my family, and suggested this as an alternative, especially because we don’t have children and buying for the nine kids plus siblings and their spouses gets incredibly expensive. his sisters didn’t even entertain that as an idea. one sister just said that they have to buy for the same amount too (because they also buy gifts for their own kids.) we don’t have huge salaries and we chose to live below our means so that we can make extra monthly mortgage payments and pay off our house more quickly. christmas is a huge source of anxiety for me, both because of the expense, and because i hate shopping and trying to find gifts for everyone. i’d prefer to either draw names or just give gifts to his parents. we end up with a list of around 25 people to buy for, which is insane. we also don’t get to pay extra on our mortgage in december due to the amount of money we’re spending on gifts. so reddit, aita for not wanting to get gifts for my husband’s 3 sisters, 3 brothers-in-law, and 9 nieces and nephews? [to keep a decent relationship with my in-laws, we’re going to do it anyway, i’m just trying to justify my level of annoyance at how ridiculous this is.]
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (32f) am an only child. my husband and i have been married 2 years (together for 4) and have no kids yet. before i met my husband, i only bought christmas gifts for my parents and my grandma. my husband has three sisters, all of whom are married, and each couple currently has 3 kids. plus his mom, dad, and step-mom. before we were married, he would only buy his parents christmas gifts. he’s the only boy and the baby of the family so no one really expected gifts from him in his early 20’s. for family christmas when i was growing up, the children (my cousins) would draw a name and the adults would draw a name for christmas gifts so each child had another child’s name and each adult had another adult’s name. from my understanding, this is pretty normal in families. i was very surprised when we started dating and i found out we were expected to get gifts for his parents, step-parent, three sisters, three brothers-in-law, and all nine kids. his sisters started a group text after we had been dating awhile sending christmas lists for themselves, their spouses, and their kids. his sisters had even called each other (without my husband or i) and chose $30 per gift and informed me of this via text. i mentioned we drew names in my family, and suggested this as an alternative, especially because we don’t have children and buying for the nine kids plus siblings and their spouses gets incredibly expensive. his sisters didn’t even entertain that as an idea. one sister just said that they have to buy for the same amount too (because they also buy gifts for their own kids.) we don’t have huge salaries and we chose to live below our means so that we can make extra monthly mortgage payments and pay off our house more quickly. christmas is a huge source of anxiety for me, both because of the expense, and because i hate shopping and trying to find gifts for everyone. i’d prefer to either draw names or just give gifts to his parents. we end up with a list of around 25 people to buy for, which is insane. we also don’t get to pay extra on our mortgage in december due to the amount of money we’re spending on gifts. so reddit, aita for not wanting to get gifts for my husband’s 3 sisters, 3 brothers-in-law, and 9 nieces and nephews? [to keep a decent relationship with my in-laws, we’re going to do it anyway, i’m just trying to justify my level of annoyance at how ridiculous this is.] [/INST] nta. you can't be expected to shell out for 25+ gifts every single christmas, that's insane. some friendly advice? i wouldn't do it even this once, because then you set an expectation. </s>
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AITA for refusing to pay for my friends car cleaning after getting sick in it?
|
i had left to go to out to dinner with my two friends. i had a semi bad headache before i left, but figured i was overtired as i was fine otherwise. place was about half an hour away. 15 minutes in, my vision got a bit off, my head was throbbing and i started feeling incredibly carsick, which never happens. told my friend i was carsick and didn't feel good and asked if she could pull over for a second, as we were in a super easy area to do so. both of my friends started getting irritated like 'we're trying to get there before they get busy, it's only a couple minutes away, we want to get good parking, you're fine just sip some water', blatantly refusing to pull over. a minute or two later, i couldn't hold it anymore and uncontrollably barfed all over the passenger side. instead of asking if i was okay, they were like 'ew omg gross, etc.' and were pretty much mad that i ruined dinner. i told them i'd call my fiance to pick me up when we got there and i'd clean up as best i could, and she was like 'oh i'm going to get it cleaned too, i wanted to anyways because it's so dirty.' he got there, we cleaned up the car super well i'd say, even though i was sick as hell and later found out i was having my first ever migraine. the next day, she texts me wanting to talk 'about the car thing' and saying she wants 100.00 to have it cleaned. i said no; she said she wanted to do it anyways, and if she had pulled over instead of throwing a fit about parking spots, it wouldn't have happened. had we been stuck in traffic or something inevitable, i would have absolutely offered to pay, but they were more worried about going to dinner and not having to wait instead. i haven't talked to either of them in a couple of days, aita?
| 625 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nocb7k/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_my_friends_car/
|
2021-05-30 14:27:28
|
nta
i would suggest you pay half. yeah, you asked her to pull over and she didn't but the window was right there.
good news is that now i bet she will pull over if someone said they felt sick.
|
op: pull over, i'm feeling sick
friend: no, shan't!
op: \*barfs in car\*
friend: \*surprised pikachu face\*
nta. they should've pulled over.
|
no, but i would offer to pay 1/2 and then block her number. she isn’t a friend
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esh. this is primarily her fault, but i still think the decent thing would be to pay to have the car cleaned. sorry.
also, seriously, sorry you have migraines. they're the real ah's here.
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i'm going to say nta because you cleaned it once you guys stopped. it sounds like she wanted to use this situation to get a free full car cleaning service done. also just saying, but these people don't sound like good friends. they ignored you when you were feeling sick and when you finally were pushed over the limit and got even more sick, they decided to mock you/act with disgust other than worry. they cared more about dinner than your wellbeing and once that was done and over with, she cared more about getting her car detailed or some shit. i'd dump these friends tbh.
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info you say you told them you were feeling carsick and asked them to pull over. did you tell them you felt you were going to vomit? could they have thought you meant your headache?
but generally i'm leaning towards nta as you asked them to pull over and they should have done that.
|
nta. you warned them that you were going to get sick
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nta. someone says, “i’m sick, pull over” everyone knows the other option is vomit in the car. you did what you could to prevent it, you don’t owe her. they sound like awful friends, just leave them.
|
lol wtf with some of these comments. your friends are major ahs. you told them pull over ima puke. and then they get pikachu face when you actually puke in the car.
what were you supposed to do? it's not your fault you puked, that shit just decided to happen. i've puked in public three times in my life. 1) the flu, no warning 2) bad medicine combo, doc didn't warn me not to mix them 3) my blood pressure bottomed out, again, no warning. you can't just swallow the puke back down, and if there's enough pressure/reflux, you can't keep your mouth closed to keep it in.
nta. don't give them a dime, and get better friends.
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esh it was definitely on her not to take you seriously, so she is far more in the wrong. however you did hurl in someone’s car. as well as you cleaned it, it’s reasonable to want professionals to do it in order to prevent any lingering biohazards and the smell. i don’t think you should pay for the whole thing. but 50/50 seems reasonable.
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
ESH
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
| 0.127033 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i had left to go to out to dinner with my two friends. i had a semi bad headache before i left, but figured i was overtired as i was fine otherwise. place was about half an hour away. 15 minutes in, my vision got a bit off, my head was throbbing and i started feeling incredibly carsick, which never happens. told my friend i was carsick and didn't feel good and asked if she could pull over for a second, as we were in a super easy area to do so. both of my friends started getting irritated like 'we're trying to get there before they get busy, it's only a couple minutes away, we want to get good parking, you're fine just sip some water', blatantly refusing to pull over. a minute or two later, i couldn't hold it anymore and uncontrollably barfed all over the passenger side. instead of asking if i was okay, they were like 'ew omg gross, etc.' and were pretty much mad that i ruined dinner. i told them i'd call my fiance to pick me up when we got there and i'd clean up as best i could, and she was like 'oh i'm going to get it cleaned too, i wanted to anyways because it's so dirty.' he got there, we cleaned up the car super well i'd say, even though i was sick as hell and later found out i was having my first ever migraine. the next day, she texts me wanting to talk 'about the car thing' and saying she wants 100.00 to have it cleaned. i said no; she said she wanted to do it anyways, and if she had pulled over instead of throwing a fit about parking spots, it wouldn't have happened. had we been stuck in traffic or something inevitable, i would have absolutely offered to pay, but they were more worried about going to dinner and not having to wait instead. i haven't talked to either of them in a couple of days, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i had left to go to out to dinner with my two friends. i had a semi bad headache before i left, but figured i was overtired as i was fine otherwise. place was about half an hour away. 15 minutes in, my vision got a bit off, my head was throbbing and i started feeling incredibly carsick, which never happens. told my friend i was carsick and didn't feel good and asked if she could pull over for a second, as we were in a super easy area to do so. both of my friends started getting irritated like 'we're trying to get there before they get busy, it's only a couple minutes away, we want to get good parking, you're fine just sip some water', blatantly refusing to pull over. a minute or two later, i couldn't hold it anymore and uncontrollably barfed all over the passenger side. instead of asking if i was okay, they were like 'ew omg gross, etc.' and were pretty much mad that i ruined dinner. i told them i'd call my fiance to pick me up when we got there and i'd clean up as best i could, and she was like 'oh i'm going to get it cleaned too, i wanted to anyways because it's so dirty.' he got there, we cleaned up the car super well i'd say, even though i was sick as hell and later found out i was having my first ever migraine. the next day, she texts me wanting to talk 'about the car thing' and saying she wants 100.00 to have it cleaned. i said no; she said she wanted to do it anyways, and if she had pulled over instead of throwing a fit about parking spots, it wouldn't have happened. had we been stuck in traffic or something inevitable, i would have absolutely offered to pay, but they were more worried about going to dinner and not having to wait instead. i haven't talked to either of them in a couple of days, aita? [/INST] nta i would suggest you pay half. yeah, you asked her to pull over and she didn't but the window was right there. good news is that now i bet she will pull over if someone said they felt sick. </s>
|
AITA for lying to my parents about my girlfriend when she sleeps at my house?
|
ok so to preface this i'm a girl (16) still living at home with my parents and am a closeted bisexual because they are very religious/homophobic.
so anyway i've been seeing this girl for a little over 2 months and since i know they would absolutely never allow me to be in a same sex relationship, so i introduced her as my friend and frequently have her over to spend the night on the pretence that our relationship is completely platonic. i assure you there is nothing platonic about these sleep overs.
my parents are good people and i wouldn't want to hurt them by them finding out i've been lying to their faces and breaking there two biggest rules( no sex, no gay shit) in their own home.
i have a friend who is very insistent that this is very messed up and that i'm completely betraying my parents trust, but as it stands i have no intention of stopping.
aita?
| 456 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ci65lf/aita_for_lying_to_my_parents_about_my_girlfriend/
|
2019-07-26 17:56:20
|
nta. if your parents are homophobic, you shouldn’t have to come out to them because one of your friends think this is wrong. you arent required to tell your parents in general if you are doing sexual stuff with your partner.
i recommend sitting down with your friend and explain that your parents are homophobic and this could destroy your relationship/life. but honestly i would just drop that friend myself.
*
|
nta be gay, do crime
|
nta of course. that's what gay teens do! i'm gay and did shit like this all the time even though my parents are crazy catholics. if you're not ready to come out that's fine. you're not hurting anyone.
|
>no gay shit
wtf is this shit? fuck your parents.
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nta cause your parents are homophobes. you're sneaking around out of necessity. fuck all these esh responses
|
esh and no, no ones missing the point, your parents don’t want you to be having sex in their house, it’s just extra not ok with them because they’re homophobes (which makes them ta for sure) but you’re still knowingly lying to them which does make you an asshole too. and yes i do think this would make you an asshole as a straight person. be careful, this could be very bad for you if they find out (can you imagine how traumatizing it could be for all of you if they catch you guys and flip out?). maybe just figure out where to enjoy time with your girlfriend that isn’t risking a huge blowout with your family. when you don’t rely on their support as much, i hope you can come out to them when you’re ready and i hope it’s not as bad as you might expect.
|
nta. classic wlw move of "no boys at your sleepover" "oh :) no :) whatever :) shall :) we :) do :)" lol. you aren't the first in this situation & you aren't the last. make sure you're using protection even with girls tho!!
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nta. if you told your parents the truth, you probably would not be allowed to see her again (among the other issues that would probably arise). if you don't have her over, you guys probably won't have a place to hang out in private because you're young. your parents' homophobia has created an environment where you are forced to lie to them for your own safety and happiness. that is not your fault.
that being said, you should be very careful about what you do in your parents' house. if they catch you, you might have a lot more to worry about. this stuff tends to make people who are otherwise completely decent act very irrationally.
|
nta. i would do the same if i were you. just do not let them find out or walk in on you
|
this is tough but i blame the parents for creating a situation where their daughter does not feel safe being honest about herself. nta. you are lying - but lying doesn't necessarily make you an asshole. sometimes we must lie. i believe this is one of those times. on the bright side at least you can't get pregnant like a straight relationship lol.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok so to preface this i'm a girl (16) still living at home with my parents and am a closeted bisexual because they are very religious/homophobic. so anyway i've been seeing this girl for a little over 2 months and since i know they would absolutely never allow me to be in a same sex relationship, so i introduced her as my friend and frequently have her over to spend the night on the pretence that our relationship is completely platonic. i assure you there is nothing platonic about these sleep overs. my parents are good people and i wouldn't want to hurt them by them finding out i've been lying to their faces and breaking there two biggest rules( no sex, no gay shit) in their own home. i have a friend who is very insistent that this is very messed up and that i'm completely betraying my parents trust, but as it stands i have no intention of stopping. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ok so to preface this i'm a girl (16) still living at home with my parents and am a closeted bisexual because they are very religious/homophobic. so anyway i've been seeing this girl for a little over 2 months and since i know they would absolutely never allow me to be in a same sex relationship, so i introduced her as my friend and frequently have her over to spend the night on the pretence that our relationship is completely platonic. i assure you there is nothing platonic about these sleep overs. my parents are good people and i wouldn't want to hurt them by them finding out i've been lying to their faces and breaking there two biggest rules( no sex, no gay shit) in their own home. i have a friend who is very insistent that this is very messed up and that i'm completely betraying my parents trust, but as it stands i have no intention of stopping. aita? [/INST] nta. if your parents are homophobic, you shouldn’t have to come out to them because one of your friends think this is wrong. you arent required to tell your parents in general if you are doing sexual stuff with your partner. i recommend sitting down with your friend and explain that your parents are homophobic and this could destroy your relationship/life. but honestly i would just drop that friend myself. * </s>
|
AITA for telling my parents to make the cake themselves if they want it so badly?
|
so around a few weeks ago, my dad asked me to make a tiramisu cake ( i like making cakes, desserts, etc.) as he's bought mascarpone for it. note: it was late and i was really tired.
so i forgot about it.
today, my parents are going full on crazy mode, because the mascarpone has gone bad.
so they told me that they'll buy another mascarpone, but the cake won't be for me (only they, my brother and the guests coming tommorrow will eat it, not me).
that, of course, seemed unfair.
because how am i going to make a cake at 8:30 pm for them and the guests and not even get a slice of it? (side note: the cake is kind of easy to make, but really time consuming)
so i said "if you want the cake so badly, you can make it yourself" and went upstairs.
tell me reddit, am i in the wrong?
| 3,060 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kbw9nf/aita_for_telling_my_parents_to_make_the_cake/
|
2020-12-12 20:28:06
|
nta, i’ve made tiramisu and it isn’t a piece of cake (pun intended). not to mention people shouldn’t be coming over in the first place with covid. just tell them it shouldn’t be expected of you and if they want this time consuming cake so bad then they can make it.
|
nope. nta. only an asshole asks you to make a cake and not let you have a slice.
they're being pretty cause you forgot. i'd refuse to make anything for them ever again
|
are their arms broken? why can’t they bake? nta
|
wouldn't the mascarpone have gone bad regardless if it was made into tiramisu or not?
|
nta. they expected you to make a cake and punished you on top of it wtf
|
nta. it’s absolutely a dick move to make someone make food and then say they’re not allowed to eat it. it’s mascarpone not shredded gold, what’s the big deal with buying more?
|
nta, they're not entitled to your free labor
|
nta.
they profit off your skill by eating homemade treats, i don’t think they get to demand things of you while also trying to punish you.
i don’t think “bake it yourself” is too harsh considering that’s the only option after being rude to you.
|
info: is the reason they won't give you a slice of the cake they want you to make because they have to repurchase the ingredient or is it because you won't be at the event this is for/there may not be enough for guests?
|
if the mascarpone cream has already gone off it would have been bad whether you made the cake earlier anyway. you don't cook it when making tiramasu so the cream would have been bad in the cake instead and made everyone sick. if the guests have yet to arrive and the cream is bad really you not making it saved everyone some digestive discomfort. tell this to you ah parents! you are definitely nta.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so around a few weeks ago, my dad asked me to make a tiramisu cake ( i like making cakes, desserts, etc.) as he's bought mascarpone for it. note: it was late and i was really tired. so i forgot about it. today, my parents are going full on crazy mode, because the mascarpone has gone bad. so they told me that they'll buy another mascarpone, but the cake won't be for me (only they, my brother and the guests coming tommorrow will eat it, not me). that, of course, seemed unfair. because how am i going to make a cake at 8:30 pm for them and the guests and not even get a slice of it? (side note: the cake is kind of easy to make, but really time consuming) so i said "if you want the cake so badly, you can make it yourself" and went upstairs. tell me reddit, am i in the wrong?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so around a few weeks ago, my dad asked me to make a tiramisu cake ( i like making cakes, desserts, etc.) as he's bought mascarpone for it. note: it was late and i was really tired. so i forgot about it. today, my parents are going full on crazy mode, because the mascarpone has gone bad. so they told me that they'll buy another mascarpone, but the cake won't be for me (only they, my brother and the guests coming tommorrow will eat it, not me). that, of course, seemed unfair. because how am i going to make a cake at 8:30 pm for them and the guests and not even get a slice of it? (side note: the cake is kind of easy to make, but really time consuming) so i said "if you want the cake so badly, you can make it yourself" and went upstairs. tell me reddit, am i in the wrong? [/INST] nta, i’ve made tiramisu and it isn’t a piece of cake (pun intended). not to mention people shouldn’t be coming over in the first place with covid. just tell them it shouldn’t be expected of you and if they want this time consuming cake so bad then they can make it. </s>
|
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