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AITA for telling my husband what his mom said about me?
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my husband and i are staying with his mom for a couple weeks due to being illegally evicted. mil and i haven't had the best relationship, but she was actually pissed on our behalf and offered to help us with legal fees. for the record we were paying our rent on time, but our landlord wanted to sell the house to his nephew.
like i said mil and i have had a pretty bad relationship in the past. it is civil now but very uncomfortable. she is no longer close to her son as a result. there is a huge divide in the family with people taking sides, so living here has been uncomfortable but i'm grateful because we needed a few weeks to get stuff together.
i went downstairs yesterday and heard mil's boyfriend asking her if she wanted to go friday or saturday (he was ordering tickets to something). she said saturday because it is my anniversary and she knows i can't afford to do anything so it will make me sad.
i was annoyed and told my husband when he came home. he confronted mil and they got into a screaming match. when she saw me in the kitchen she accused me of intentionally starting drama and said if i overhear something in her house i shouldn't repeat it and i'm making the living situation uncomfortable.
eta because some people were confused. she said the words "i want to make her sad"
| 2,564 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ryi63v/aita_for_telling_my_husband_what_his_mom_said/
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2022-01-07 21:16:24
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nta
let me give you some marriage advice - always tell your husband these things. it is much more important for him to know what is going on than it is for you to "protect" his relationship with his mother. this kind of thing wouldn't happen if your mil didn't say or do hurtful things. it isn't your fault and anyone telling you so is gaslighting you.
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nta
you are living in her house, you can't help but overhear her mean comments. i'm sorry she is being so toxic towards you.
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wow. nta. how incredibly cruel of her. i hope you get out soon.
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nta
she took her chances at being overheard by both of you.
but you can't stay there; surely there must be somewhere else you can go!
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nta but you and your husband need to work hard on your poker faces. you could have sat on that info until mil/bf announced their awesome saturday plans. then you could have squeezed each other’s hands and started cooing about how much “fun” you’d be having with the whole house to yourselves, and thanked them for being so considerate about giving you privacy on your anniversary.
she wanted to upset you, and you gave her that victory. when people are trying to make you angry or sad, the best payback is indifference or (when possible) focusing on the silver linings. it will annoy the snot out of them and eventually they’ll stop using you as a chew toy because it’s not fun anymore.
and fwiw: there’s something truly ridiculous about a woman who deliberately tries to make her dil sad without realizing it will also make her son sad.
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nta.
your mil sounds petty, and it's probably best to get out of this living situation as soon as possible.
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nta. how could you even possibly be in this situation? i tell my husband about everything that happens in my day.
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tell her that her actively trying to sabotage your happiness is what's making things uncomfortable. for the record, i literally would've laughed if she'd had the gall to say that to me (about you "starting drama"). she is, it sounds like, the very definition of drama. in fact, you might want to suggest that she get counseling over her obsession with you... planning one's own events based upon how they'll make another, uninvolved party, feel? that's...uh...really creepy. get out of there asap! oh, and nta. obviously.
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question. did your mother in law pick the date to match your anniversary to purposely make you sad? i'm confused by the date/perceived offense.
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nta part of being married or in a relationship is you are allowed to tell your partner anything. if she doesn’t want you repeating something to him that you heard than she needs to say it where you can’t hear it. simple as that. if she wants a better relationship with her son then she needs to stop disrespecting you. otherwise he is just going to keep sticking up for you, as he should.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i are staying with his mom for a couple weeks due to being illegally evicted. mil and i haven't had the best relationship, but she was actually pissed on our behalf and offered to help us with legal fees. for the record we were paying our rent on time, but our landlord wanted to sell the house to his nephew. like i said mil and i have had a pretty bad relationship in the past. it is civil now but very uncomfortable. she is no longer close to her son as a result. there is a huge divide in the family with people taking sides, so living here has been uncomfortable but i'm grateful because we needed a few weeks to get stuff together. i went downstairs yesterday and heard mil's boyfriend asking her if she wanted to go friday or saturday (he was ordering tickets to something). she said saturday because it is my anniversary and she knows i can't afford to do anything so it will make me sad. i was annoyed and told my husband when he came home. he confronted mil and they got into a screaming match. when she saw me in the kitchen she accused me of intentionally starting drama and said if i overhear something in her house i shouldn't repeat it and i'm making the living situation uncomfortable. eta because some people were confused. she said the words "i want to make her sad"
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i are staying with his mom for a couple weeks due to being illegally evicted. mil and i haven't had the best relationship, but she was actually pissed on our behalf and offered to help us with legal fees. for the record we were paying our rent on time, but our landlord wanted to sell the house to his nephew. like i said mil and i have had a pretty bad relationship in the past. it is civil now but very uncomfortable. she is no longer close to her son as a result. there is a huge divide in the family with people taking sides, so living here has been uncomfortable but i'm grateful because we needed a few weeks to get stuff together. i went downstairs yesterday and heard mil's boyfriend asking her if she wanted to go friday or saturday (he was ordering tickets to something). she said saturday because it is my anniversary and she knows i can't afford to do anything so it will make me sad. i was annoyed and told my husband when he came home. he confronted mil and they got into a screaming match. when she saw me in the kitchen she accused me of intentionally starting drama and said if i overhear something in her house i shouldn't repeat it and i'm making the living situation uncomfortable. eta because some people were confused. she said the words "i want to make her sad" [/INST] nta let me give you some marriage advice - always tell your husband these things. it is much more important for him to know what is going on than it is for you to "protect" his relationship with his mother. this kind of thing wouldn't happen if your mil didn't say or do hurtful things. it isn't your fault and anyone telling you so is gaslighting you. </s>
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AITA for ghosting my hospitalized grandma?
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today, i (f19) gave my grandma (f85) a call for her birthday. but, the conversation went sour and i am considering not talking to as much anymore. the conversation goes as followed:
me: happy birthday!
gm: thank you.
me: what plans do you have going on?
gm: nothing, i am stuck in the hospital.
*gm is in the hospital because she had an accident that broke her ribs.
me: are you going to ask uncle to buy you a cake?
*my uncle is the only one that visits her at the hospital everyday, because both of her daughters (including my mom) and their families (including me) lives in the us while she lives in korea.
gm: a cake? this morning? nooooo.
me: aha you should ask him to bring you one later.
gm: your aunt in law came to visit me yesterday!
me: oh really? which one?
-this is when she started to yell at me-
gm: why do you care who visits me? why do you care which one came? this is none of your business to ask. this is adult business and you should not insert yourself.
me: what...?
gm: i get that you are caring but this is none of your business. you need to stop and act like a child you are.
me: grandma, you're the one who brought aunt in law visiting you. i simply asked which one came.
gm: well that is none of your business. stop inserting yourself into other business.
me:ok, i have to go. bye.
i ended the conversation and i cried. i was hurt and shocked. i could not believe that i was attacked. i felt like the last person she should’ve been mad at. i’m the only out of her seven grandchildren to give her a call on her birthday. i’m the only one of her grandchildren to call her at least three times a week since she's been in the hospital to check up on her, because i know she is very lonely. i have always called once a week prior to her hospitalization. i feel like i am the one who shows that she cares for my grandma. hell, my own mom doesn't call her own mom because she doesn’t want to send gm money. i feel like i was unfairly treated. i understand that my grandma is obviously feeling lonely because the only person who visits her is my uncle and my grandma is stuck in the hospital on her birthday. but, i am truly hurt.
so, i told my mom what had happened and i started to cry again because i am deeply hurt. my mom got annoyed at me for crying and said that even though i did nothing wrong, i am inconsiderate granddaughter because a good granddaughter would understand where gm is coming from and why she is upset. she said that i would have tolerated her bullshit. my mom then gave me the silent treatment. my mom thinks i am being brat for being hurt and not being understanding. but, i feel like that is an unfair assessment. i feel quite alone in this situation. i came to my mother for emotional support but she turns me away and says i am not understanding. yet, my mom hasn’t called her mom to give her a happy birthday. my gm called me after the incident and i ghosted her because my wound is too fresh. aita?
| 163 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dp360h/aita_for_ghosting_my_hospitalized_grandma/
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2019-10-30 06:57:42
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nta - but please try to mend things with her, she probably called to apologize. as you said, almost none of her own children or grandchildren ever see her, and she was probably in a bad place and needed to vent somehow. it was wrong that she took out her anger on you, but i think that she realised that and called you back.
i hope things work out for you op. do please keep us posted on what happens.
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nta, your grandmas response to a simple question was really aggressive and weird, does she have dementia or anything like that? also your moms response is very hurtful. you're one of the few that keeps in contact with your grandma, your mother doesn't even keep in contact yet she feels like she can judge you like that...that's not right.
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info: are you sure your grandma is in perfect mental health? elderly people, even if they seem fine in their day to day life, often get disoriented, confused, moody etc when they go to hospital because it completely messes with their routine and they are often put on meds that mess with their heads.
hospital delirium is a broad term that describes some aspects of this but also the elderly are often given various meds (unfortunately whether or not they really need it at times) to calm them or help with other things which can sometimes have an opposite effect or cause an unexpected reaction. also pain and discomfort distorts character and can lead to mood swings and general grumpiness, rudeness etc.
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now you know why the other grandchildren don't bother anymore with her. nta obviously.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.027063 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: today, i (f19) gave my grandma (f85) a call for her birthday. but, the conversation went sour and i am considering not talking to as much anymore. the conversation goes as followed: me: happy birthday! gm: thank you. me: what plans do you have going on? gm: nothing, i am stuck in the hospital. *gm is in the hospital because she had an accident that broke her ribs. me: are you going to ask uncle to buy you a cake? *my uncle is the only one that visits her at the hospital everyday, because both of her daughters (including my mom) and their families (including me) lives in the us while she lives in korea. gm: a cake? this morning? nooooo. me: aha you should ask him to bring you one later. gm: your aunt in law came to visit me yesterday! me: oh really? which one? -this is when she started to yell at me- gm: why do you care who visits me? why do you care which one came? this is none of your business to ask. this is adult business and you should not insert yourself. me: what...? gm: i get that you are caring but this is none of your business. you need to stop and act like a child you are. me: grandma, you're the one who brought aunt in law visiting you. i simply asked which one came. gm: well that is none of your business. stop inserting yourself into other business. me:ok, i have to go. bye. i ended the conversation and i cried. i was hurt and shocked. i could not believe that i was attacked. i felt like the last person she should’ve been mad at. i’m the only out of her seven grandchildren to give her a call on her birthday. i’m the only one of her grandchildren to call her at least three times a week since she's been in the hospital to check up on her, because i know she is very lonely. i have always called once a week prior to her hospitalization. i feel like i am the one who shows that she cares for my grandma. hell, my own mom doesn't call her own mom because she doesn’t want to send gm money. i feel like i was unfairly treated. i understand that my grandma is obviously feeling lonely because the only person who visits her is my uncle and my grandma is stuck in the hospital on her birthday. but, i am truly hurt. so, i told my mom what had happened and i started to cry again because i am deeply hurt. my mom got annoyed at me for crying and said that even though i did nothing wrong, i am inconsiderate granddaughter because a good granddaughter would understand where gm is coming from and why she is upset. she said that i would have tolerated her bullshit. my mom then gave me the silent treatment. my mom thinks i am being brat for being hurt and not being understanding. but, i feel like that is an unfair assessment. i feel quite alone in this situation. i came to my mother for emotional support but she turns me away and says i am not understanding. yet, my mom hasn’t called her mom to give her a happy birthday. my gm called me after the incident and i ghosted her because my wound is too fresh. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
today, i (f19) gave my grandma (f85) a call for her birthday. but, the conversation went sour and i am considering not talking to as much anymore. the conversation goes as followed: me: happy birthday! gm: thank you. me: what plans do you have going on? gm: nothing, i am stuck in the hospital. *gm is in the hospital because she had an accident that broke her ribs. me: are you going to ask uncle to buy you a cake? *my uncle is the only one that visits her at the hospital everyday, because both of her daughters (including my mom) and their families (including me) lives in the us while she lives in korea. gm: a cake? this morning? nooooo. me: aha you should ask him to bring you one later. gm: your aunt in law came to visit me yesterday! me: oh really? which one? -this is when she started to yell at me- gm: why do you care who visits me? why do you care which one came? this is none of your business to ask. this is adult business and you should not insert yourself. me: what...? gm: i get that you are caring but this is none of your business. you need to stop and act like a child you are. me: grandma, you're the one who brought aunt in law visiting you. i simply asked which one came. gm: well that is none of your business. stop inserting yourself into other business. me:ok, i have to go. bye. i ended the conversation and i cried. i was hurt and shocked. i could not believe that i was attacked. i felt like the last person she should’ve been mad at. i’m the only out of her seven grandchildren to give her a call on her birthday. i’m the only one of her grandchildren to call her at least three times a week since she's been in the hospital to check up on her, because i know she is very lonely. i have always called once a week prior to her hospitalization. i feel like i am the one who shows that she cares for my grandma. hell, my own mom doesn't call her own mom because she doesn’t want to send gm money. i feel like i was unfairly treated. i understand that my grandma is obviously feeling lonely because the only person who visits her is my uncle and my grandma is stuck in the hospital on her birthday. but, i am truly hurt. so, i told my mom what had happened and i started to cry again because i am deeply hurt. my mom got annoyed at me for crying and said that even though i did nothing wrong, i am inconsiderate granddaughter because a good granddaughter would understand where gm is coming from and why she is upset. she said that i would have tolerated her bullshit. my mom then gave me the silent treatment. my mom thinks i am being brat for being hurt and not being understanding. but, i feel like that is an unfair assessment. i feel quite alone in this situation. i came to my mother for emotional support but she turns me away and says i am not understanding. yet, my mom hasn’t called her mom to give her a happy birthday. my gm called me after the incident and i ghosted her because my wound is too fresh. aita? [/INST] nta - but please try to mend things with her, she probably called to apologize. as you said, almost none of her own children or grandchildren ever see her, and she was probably in a bad place and needed to vent somehow. it was wrong that she took out her anger on you, but i think that she realised that and called you back. i hope things work out for you op. do please keep us posted on what happens. </s>
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AITA for still showering with my boyfriend after my roommate requested we stop
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i (22f) have four other roommates and we only have two bathrooms, both are usually occupied in the morning. my boyfriend and i usually shower together when he comes over and stays the night. one of my roommates recently requested
we stopped taking showers together. she says it makes her uncomfortable while she's showering because of what she thinks we do in there. she’s just making assumptions we aren’t doing anything sexual in there, we’re literally just showering. this isn’t the first time she has requested something i’ve considered unreasonable. she makes it a habit to ask us to meet her needs but never does what we ask. i did talk to my other roommates and she seems to be the only one bothered by it. so i let her know that my
boyfriend and i will continue to shower together regardless of if she likes it or not. she says i’m being a bad roommate by making it a uncomfortable living situation for her.
| 260 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z7cnah/aita_for_still_showering_with_my_boyfriend_after/
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2022-11-28 23:37:19
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nta, tell her she's making you uncomfortable by sexualizing your shower.
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nta
it's perfectly reasonable to ask your roommates to not screw in the shower you all share, but if you're not...then she's got to accept the answer.
seems like she should also consider using the the other shower, the one people only masturbate in.
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nta. that's not a reasonable request. as long as you're not leaving behind any "evidence" (and let's not forget that people can produce sexual fluids when they're alone in the shower too), she's got no grounds to care.
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info how often is your boyfriend over? more then 3 nights a week, he needs to pay rent.
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nta regarding the showering together. that saves water and your roommate can’t claim he’s upping the water bill. however, if your bf is there everyday, that can be annoying. i’m speaking from experience, had a roommate whose bf never left and basically became another roommate without paying rent. but if he just comes over some nights and isn’t there all of the time then i see no issue.
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you are nta. your roommate needs to respect your boundaries. she certainly spends a lot of time thinking about what others do in the shower! if she's really uncomfortable, she could start looking for a new apartment. she has choices other than playing the martyr.
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nta. there is nothing innately sexual about two people showering at the same time. it's an intimate thing, yes, but not necessarily sexual. as long as you are not having sex in the common areas, she has nothing to complain about.
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info - how often are you having your boyfriend stay over ?
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nta. your roommates reasoning is creepy.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| null | 0.02053 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (22f) have four other roommates and we only have two bathrooms, both are usually occupied in the morning. my boyfriend and i usually shower together when he comes over and stays the night. one of my roommates recently requested we stopped taking showers together. she says it makes her uncomfortable while she's showering because of what she thinks we do in there. she’s just making assumptions we aren’t doing anything sexual in there, we’re literally just showering. this isn’t the first time she has requested something i’ve considered unreasonable. she makes it a habit to ask us to meet her needs but never does what we ask. i did talk to my other roommates and she seems to be the only one bothered by it. so i let her know that my boyfriend and i will continue to shower together regardless of if she likes it or not. she says i’m being a bad roommate by making it a uncomfortable living situation for her.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (22f) have four other roommates and we only have two bathrooms, both are usually occupied in the morning. my boyfriend and i usually shower together when he comes over and stays the night. one of my roommates recently requested we stopped taking showers together. she says it makes her uncomfortable while she's showering because of what she thinks we do in there. she’s just making assumptions we aren’t doing anything sexual in there, we’re literally just showering. this isn’t the first time she has requested something i’ve considered unreasonable. she makes it a habit to ask us to meet her needs but never does what we ask. i did talk to my other roommates and she seems to be the only one bothered by it. so i let her know that my boyfriend and i will continue to shower together regardless of if she likes it or not. she says i’m being a bad roommate by making it a uncomfortable living situation for her. [/INST] nta, tell her she's making you uncomfortable by sexualizing your shower. </s>
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AITA for not backing up for a car that was going the wrong in a one way lane in a parking lot, resulting in them hitting a car?
|
i went to the mall over the weekend and was looking for a parking spot. i was half way down a one way aisle and watched as someone backed out of their spot the wrong way and started coming towards me.
they kept motioning at me to back up and i kept motioning at them no, they needed to back up. they finally got the hint and tried to back up back into their parking space. but, in the process they hit another car.
as they pulled out again they stop and then got out of their car and came towards my car. they began yelling that what happened was my fault and yelling explicit words at me. when they realised they were starting to make a scene, they got back into their car and and drove off. aita for not backing up?
| 437 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qq9gvs/aita_for_not_backing_up_for_a_car_that_was_going/
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2021-11-09 18:04:45
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nta they hit the car. but they drove off??
hope you got the license
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nta, if you backed up you could have been the one to hit another car. i know i wouldn't trust my driving skills to backup half an aisle, specially if other cars could come behind me at any time.
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nta. hope you got their plate number and reported to police.
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nta
even if it were possible to let them out without you hitting someone else, you're not obligated to break traffic law/markings so they can continue to break traffic law/markings. the other driver should know how parking lots work and shouldn't have felt entitled to their decision to drive the wrong way.
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nta. they were going the wrong way and you were not the one who hit the car.
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info: were they backed into a dead end? or was there space for them to back up?
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null | null | null | null | 0.010352 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i went to the mall over the weekend and was looking for a parking spot. i was half way down a one way aisle and watched as someone backed out of their spot the wrong way and started coming towards me. they kept motioning at me to back up and i kept motioning at them no, they needed to back up. they finally got the hint and tried to back up back into their parking space. but, in the process they hit another car. as they pulled out again they stop and then got out of their car and came towards my car. they began yelling that what happened was my fault and yelling explicit words at me. when they realised they were starting to make a scene, they got back into their car and and drove off. aita for not backing up?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i went to the mall over the weekend and was looking for a parking spot. i was half way down a one way aisle and watched as someone backed out of their spot the wrong way and started coming towards me. they kept motioning at me to back up and i kept motioning at them no, they needed to back up. they finally got the hint and tried to back up back into their parking space. but, in the process they hit another car. as they pulled out again they stop and then got out of their car and came towards my car. they began yelling that what happened was my fault and yelling explicit words at me. when they realised they were starting to make a scene, they got back into their car and and drove off. aita for not backing up? [/INST] nta they hit the car. but they drove off?? hope you got the license </s>
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AITA for accusing my fiancée of using my weed?
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my fiancée is pretty anti-weed. she said that she never does it and never will. so, to compromise, whenever i use weed i use it outside or when she’s not there.
the thing is, almost 1 oz of weed is missing from my stash. that’s almost $200! i first thought that our dog ate it, but that’s impossible. i keep my stash in a locked box. the only person other than me who knows the code to unlock the box is my fiancée. also, she’s the only other person in the house.
i never misplace it because i never take my entire stash out at once. so, i just asked her if she took my weed. she looked annoyed and said no. i searched around our bedroom, and i searched around my room. it’s nowhere. then, i go back to my safe, and it’s magically there. the thing is, it’s slightly lighter than what i would expect. 26 g instead of 28 g. that’s also impossible because i carefully measure everything.
so, i ask my wife to take a drug test. she denies that she smoked and starts blaming me for not trusting her. i keep on pestering until she finally admits that she did try to smoke a bit, and she feels a bit ashamed that i would “be right”.
the thing is, she lied to my face and gaslighted me. i feel like i lost a lot of trust in her. but, she says that i was being way too harsh on her.
so, aita?
| 2,272 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hxnxo8/aita_for_accusing_my_fiancée_of_using_my_weed/
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2020-07-25 14:50:43
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nta. there was no reason for her to lie like that, i'm sure you would have smoked her up no problem if she'd asked. and the gaslighting. yeesh. hope she apologizes and you guys can talk it through.
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nta
she took it and lied to your face.
i’d be harsh too. had she told you she wanted to try it i doubt you would have said no.
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nta. why wouldn’t she just ask first? it could’ve been a fun activity to do together.
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yta - i just noticed that the woman goes from fiancee to wife in this post. try to get your story straight, fella.
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nta. it would concern me that someone would actually lie to me so that i would not “be right.” lying is my personal dealbreaker, but lying for that particular reason is even more disgusting. that being said, check your own ass to see if you might have a habit of being condescending or obnoxious if you do happen to be right....
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nta, your fiancé stole from you, lied about stealing, gaslit you for asking if she had stolen from you, and did so likely knowing she would get caught ($200 of weed doesn’t just disappear, and if she is truly the only other person who knows how to get into the locked box, she 100% knew what was going to happen). i also have no doubt that if she wanted to smoke with you one day that you would’ve happily provided it for her (could be wrong, but speaking as a fellow stoner). two full grams is also a lot for a non-smoker to have gone through alone in one sitting. she lied to you about stealing from you to preserve her own pride and arrogance, and there is no reason she won’t do it again. to me, this is worth calling off the engagement, if not just ending the whole relationship. if she’s willing to steal drugs from you, there’s no reason she won’t be pulling from your bank account once she has access. you were not “too harsh” on her, she manipulated and stole from you.
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is she your fiancee or wife? lol. yta because i think you're making shit up
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yta because i think this is fake as hell
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i'd like to know what kind of relationship you guys have as a married couple that she didn't feel comfortable asking to try it with you. i'm a license holder and my husband can't smoke but if he wanted to he would have zero problem just telling me.
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this isn't about the weed. this is about the fact that you/she have trust issues that apparently are bad enough that she was afraid to tell the truth over something so trivial. sit down with her calmly and talk about that.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | null | 0.544638 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my fiancée is pretty anti-weed. she said that she never does it and never will. so, to compromise, whenever i use weed i use it outside or when she’s not there. the thing is, almost 1 oz of weed is missing from my stash. that’s almost $200! i first thought that our dog ate it, but that’s impossible. i keep my stash in a locked box. the only person other than me who knows the code to unlock the box is my fiancée. also, she’s the only other person in the house. i never misplace it because i never take my entire stash out at once. so, i just asked her if she took my weed. she looked annoyed and said no. i searched around our bedroom, and i searched around my room. it’s nowhere. then, i go back to my safe, and it’s magically there. the thing is, it’s slightly lighter than what i would expect. 26 g instead of 28 g. that’s also impossible because i carefully measure everything. so, i ask my wife to take a drug test. she denies that she smoked and starts blaming me for not trusting her. i keep on pestering until she finally admits that she did try to smoke a bit, and she feels a bit ashamed that i would “be right”. the thing is, she lied to my face and gaslighted me. i feel like i lost a lot of trust in her. but, she says that i was being way too harsh on her. so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my fiancée is pretty anti-weed. she said that she never does it and never will. so, to compromise, whenever i use weed i use it outside or when she’s not there. the thing is, almost 1 oz of weed is missing from my stash. that’s almost $200! i first thought that our dog ate it, but that’s impossible. i keep my stash in a locked box. the only person other than me who knows the code to unlock the box is my fiancée. also, she’s the only other person in the house. i never misplace it because i never take my entire stash out at once. so, i just asked her if she took my weed. she looked annoyed and said no. i searched around our bedroom, and i searched around my room. it’s nowhere. then, i go back to my safe, and it’s magically there. the thing is, it’s slightly lighter than what i would expect. 26 g instead of 28 g. that’s also impossible because i carefully measure everything. so, i ask my wife to take a drug test. she denies that she smoked and starts blaming me for not trusting her. i keep on pestering until she finally admits that she did try to smoke a bit, and she feels a bit ashamed that i would “be right”. the thing is, she lied to my face and gaslighted me. i feel like i lost a lot of trust in her. but, she says that i was being way too harsh on her. so, aita? [/INST] nta. there was no reason for her to lie like that, i'm sure you would have smoked her up no problem if she'd asked. and the gaslighting. yeesh. hope she apologizes and you guys can talk it through. </s>
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AITA for getting frustrated at my SO's eating habits?
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so my so is an extremely picky eater. he only likes to eat chicken, rice, fries, and carrots which has a pretty big impact on my own diet considering we live together. i'm extremely adventurous when it comes to food, and having had the privilege to travel to various parts of the world with my family i've also been lucky enough to have eaten a lot of unique and weird things not found where i live. 90% of the time i don't mind shaping what we eat at home around my so's preferences, though sometimes when it comes to restaurants we have disagreements on where to go but it never becomes a big issue.
here's where the problem is; we have a trip planned to go to spain, specifically madrid, barcelona, and bilbao. as food is naturally part of visiting another country, my so began to bring up his concerns and asked we go to places that offered stuff he liked to eat, which i found out was way more difficult than i thought and turned up mostly fast food joints. i told him that this trip was something that we should use as an opportunity to explore other cultures as in-depth as possible, and part of that includes trying new foods that he may end up loving or hating and never having to try again. my so said he refuses to try things he is unfamiliar with and was worried that he'd be unable to eat at all during the 2 weeks we'd be in spain, which i said was a silly concern if he'd be a little more open to eating other foods; nothing wild like barnacles or cow tongue, but maybe paella, jamon iberico, stuff that wasn't crazy but also cuisine that was generally attributed to spain and not easily found where we live. he didn't budge from his position, and in fact said that if it comes down to it we would simply eat separately at different restaurants to compromise. i told him i'd prefer it not come to that, as i want the trip to be a shared experience and having to eat alone because of my so's pickiness makes me sad and would kinda kill the vibe of the trip in general.
aita for encouraging him to eat new things in a foreign country?
| 261 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/do9m6f/aita_for_getting_frustrated_at_my_sos_eating/
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2019-10-28 14:31:19
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nta. my so is picky too and we go to “adventurous” eating spots. they end up getting a meal with a lot taken off. your trip shouldn’t be compromised because he can’t eat spanish food...in spain. you can go to the same places and he can get food with extra things taken off.
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nta.
your so sounds immature, stubborn and selfish. is there a reason for his pickiness other than "just doesn't want to"? that level of pickiness would ruin majority of meals for me. the thought that they are going to another country and refusing to adapt is astonishing. its really selfish only eating a few things and refusing to accomodate your partners taste when it comes to sharing meals together.
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i'm going to go against the grain here. it sounds as though your so has a pretty serious eating disorder. my so does too. he only eats a very limited selection of things. so when we go on holiday, we look up menus beforehand to see if a place has something he can eat. or, he'll pick up something from a supermarket and eat it in the hotel room. then he'll keep me company while i eat a meal out and he has a coke.
you (and he) might find it helpful to look at r/arfid.
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nta. i genuinely think he needs therapy for his eating habits. they're not just picky, they're extremely restricted and not at all normal. aside from enjoyment, he probably isn't getting the vitamins and minerals he needs.
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nta. however spain is probably one of the worst countries to go to if all you're prepared to eat is chicken & chips, carrots and rice. also you need to consider whether your are in the right relationship if it's got to the point that you can't even eat in the same restaurant.
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nta. is your so a toddler?
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nah. bias: i'm just like you. it's been a real pleasure to me that over the time i've been with my husband, he has opened up and become a more adventurous eater. however, he was never as tightly restricted as your boyfriend is.
i'm not trying to run an armchair diagnosis on your boyfriend, but i want you to consider that this may be more than just a matter of interest or joie de vivre. like you, i'm an adventurous eater, and i will confess that in the past i have often seen very picky eaters as being childish and ridiculous. (sorry, guys.) however, i have come to accept that not everyone experiences life as i do and that some people have very good reasons for their dietary limitations. some people experience flavors and textures very intensely and cannot enjoy strong differences any more than i could enjoy raw kidney. some people have social anxieties and feel deeply uncomfortable sitting in a restaurant trying not to feel stupid while figuring out how to eat a new food. some people have food sensitivities like ibs and never know what is going to give them agonizing stomach cramps.
your boyfriend 's diet is so extremely limited that i think it is fairest to assume that something pretty substantial is stopping him from eating a wider range of foods. talk to him about this. ask him what it's like for him when he eats unfamiliar foods. try to learn what it's like to be him as well as asking him to understand what you want.
from there, come up with a game plan. if he mostly wants fast food, it won't put too much of a dent in your plans to just sit with him while he eats and let him sit with you while you eat. or call ahead to the restaurant to arrange something he can eat, or ask for something off-menu that's simple (i would guess chicken, rice, and carrots would be pretty easy to find at most places). just take that first big step of looking at this not as a silly whim on your boyfriend's part, but as a limitation so severe that it's probably not.something that feels like a choice to him.
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nta, also stop giving this dude and arm and a leg to make him comfortable, the concern isnt reciprocated it seems
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nah. sounds to me like your so has a textbook case of arfid. it’s a pretty unknown eating disorder where a person’s diet becomes extremely restricted due to fear/anxiety around trying new food and/or the tastes of certain foods. i’m not a medical professional, but that diet sounds a lot like the diet of someone with arfid.
when i went on holiday in italy, i passed out from malnutrition (i’ve had arfid since childhood) because there was so little food i could eat there. i’ve had a lot of health problems because of my disorder, but not everyone does. it’s not like i can just “choose” to try new foods. lots of things physically make me gag and i know people who vomit when eating certain foods. it really breaks my heart that i’m missing out on a big part of culture and of life, but no treatment program has ever helped me. it’s just something i have to accept and live with at this point.
it sounds to me like it’s not immaturity or stubbornness that’s limiting your so’s diet, it’s an eating disorder that’s out of their control. i would research it a bit if i were you, r/arfid is a great place to start.
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nta.
this is a major dealbreaker for me in relationships. being with somebody who refuses to try anything other than their bland half dozen pre-approved foods is not somebody i am compatible with, so read my advice knowing that bias.
it sounds like you are much more flexible and willing to compromise than me, and kudos to you for that. it’s unreasonable when traveling to expect that all of your favorite foods will be readily available. he should be willing to have something at a fast food restaurant, and then sit with you for meals. a huge part of traveling is trying new foods, and you shouldn’t be denied that because he is absurd with food choices, and let’s be real, eating like that as an adult is absurd if you have no allergies/sensitivities/etc.
bottom line is: he should be the one accommodating others, not the other way around.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| 0.002566 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my so is an extremely picky eater. he only likes to eat chicken, rice, fries, and carrots which has a pretty big impact on my own diet considering we live together. i'm extremely adventurous when it comes to food, and having had the privilege to travel to various parts of the world with my family i've also been lucky enough to have eaten a lot of unique and weird things not found where i live. 90% of the time i don't mind shaping what we eat at home around my so's preferences, though sometimes when it comes to restaurants we have disagreements on where to go but it never becomes a big issue. here's where the problem is; we have a trip planned to go to spain, specifically madrid, barcelona, and bilbao. as food is naturally part of visiting another country, my so began to bring up his concerns and asked we go to places that offered stuff he liked to eat, which i found out was way more difficult than i thought and turned up mostly fast food joints. i told him that this trip was something that we should use as an opportunity to explore other cultures as in-depth as possible, and part of that includes trying new foods that he may end up loving or hating and never having to try again. my so said he refuses to try things he is unfamiliar with and was worried that he'd be unable to eat at all during the 2 weeks we'd be in spain, which i said was a silly concern if he'd be a little more open to eating other foods; nothing wild like barnacles or cow tongue, but maybe paella, jamon iberico, stuff that wasn't crazy but also cuisine that was generally attributed to spain and not easily found where we live. he didn't budge from his position, and in fact said that if it comes down to it we would simply eat separately at different restaurants to compromise. i told him i'd prefer it not come to that, as i want the trip to be a shared experience and having to eat alone because of my so's pickiness makes me sad and would kinda kill the vibe of the trip in general. aita for encouraging him to eat new things in a foreign country?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my so is an extremely picky eater. he only likes to eat chicken, rice, fries, and carrots which has a pretty big impact on my own diet considering we live together. i'm extremely adventurous when it comes to food, and having had the privilege to travel to various parts of the world with my family i've also been lucky enough to have eaten a lot of unique and weird things not found where i live. 90% of the time i don't mind shaping what we eat at home around my so's preferences, though sometimes when it comes to restaurants we have disagreements on where to go but it never becomes a big issue. here's where the problem is; we have a trip planned to go to spain, specifically madrid, barcelona, and bilbao. as food is naturally part of visiting another country, my so began to bring up his concerns and asked we go to places that offered stuff he liked to eat, which i found out was way more difficult than i thought and turned up mostly fast food joints. i told him that this trip was something that we should use as an opportunity to explore other cultures as in-depth as possible, and part of that includes trying new foods that he may end up loving or hating and never having to try again. my so said he refuses to try things he is unfamiliar with and was worried that he'd be unable to eat at all during the 2 weeks we'd be in spain, which i said was a silly concern if he'd be a little more open to eating other foods; nothing wild like barnacles or cow tongue, but maybe paella, jamon iberico, stuff that wasn't crazy but also cuisine that was generally attributed to spain and not easily found where we live. he didn't budge from his position, and in fact said that if it comes down to it we would simply eat separately at different restaurants to compromise. i told him i'd prefer it not come to that, as i want the trip to be a shared experience and having to eat alone because of my so's pickiness makes me sad and would kinda kill the vibe of the trip in general. aita for encouraging him to eat new things in a foreign country? [/INST] nta. my so is picky too and we go to “adventurous” eating spots. they end up getting a meal with a lot taken off. your trip shouldn’t be compromised because he can’t eat spanish food...in spain. you can go to the same places and he can get food with extra things taken off. </s>
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AITA for refusing to pay for my ex-wife's plastic surgery?
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we were married for about six years and have three kids. she had a nice body before having kids and quickly got back into shape up post-pregnancy until our last son. people did not believe she had two kids. a lot of it was genetics, her diet and being very athletic. the pregnancy with our last son was a nightmare. long story short, she went from 110 to 145. her body took a lot of damage. she's 39 and can't get back into the same shape that she was 10 years ago.
she went to a plastic surgeon for lipo and "contouring" consult. she wants to do it and can't afford it. she asked me to pay 50% of everything (or $7000) since it's "half" my fault that her body was ruined from our kids and i owe that much to her. she also through in facial treatments that would smooth out her skin because her skin was ruined by the "pregnancy hormones."
| 3,143 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j74fjc/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_my_exwifes_plastic/
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2020-10-08 02:06:50
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nta. dude if i was you i would be more inclined to offer to pay half for her therapy.
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nta. ex husbands aren’t responsible for footing their bill for elective surgeries. absolutely not.
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wow, that’s a stretch - pregnancy changes ones body. sometimes not in ways that we like and of course if there is something we would like to change that is always our right.
but that cost does not fall to you! in any way shape or form, nta
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nta and that took some balls to ask.
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nta.
i'm failing to see how the pregnancy is solely responsible for "wrecking her body". 35 lbs is not a lot of weight at all and while she may not be 110 lbs again (because she's a few years away from menopause and that fucks your metabolism), losing 10 or 20 lbs is pretty manageable if she is otherwise healthy.
tbh it seems like your wife is conflating "being pregnant" with naturally aging. even if she got all those procedures, she's still going to look 39, not 29.
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this one is a little tricky, and it hits close to home too, my mother went through the same thing and fought with my dad about this for a while. that’s one of the main reasons why my parents are getting a divorce actually, but nonetheless cosmetics does play part towards mental health. negative body image is a horrible thing and shouldn’t be treated through cosmetic surgery in my opinion. nta, you shouldn’t have to pay for your wifes surgery if it’s a mainly cosmetic one. and paying half would be a large amount of money. what i would recommend though is counselling. my mother is currently getting counselling and she realised that her body negativity came from body dysmorphia. it might not be the same thing in your case but i recommend giving it a try at least, and who knows it might be cheaper too.
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nta.
ex or current, you do not owe anything in a cosmetic surgery unless you suggest / propose / warrant it. she seems to be more insecure.
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nta - ummm, no. she wants the surgery, she pays for it. this isn't life-saving surgery. it's vanity.
plus, she's your ex wife. your only tie to her is your children. you don't "owe" her plastic surgery. she's deluded.
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info - most of these surgeries are done for actual health issues like diastasis recti, and the lipo/contouring is a part of the procedure. does she have diastasis recti or a hernia of any kind?
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nta. that lady has got nerve. wow.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we were married for about six years and have three kids. she had a nice body before having kids and quickly got back into shape up post-pregnancy until our last son. people did not believe she had two kids. a lot of it was genetics, her diet and being very athletic. the pregnancy with our last son was a nightmare. long story short, she went from 110 to 145. her body took a lot of damage. she's 39 and can't get back into the same shape that she was 10 years ago. she went to a plastic surgeon for lipo and "contouring" consult. she wants to do it and can't afford it. she asked me to pay 50% of everything (or $7000) since it's "half" my fault that her body was ruined from our kids and i owe that much to her. she also through in facial treatments that would smooth out her skin because her skin was ruined by the "pregnancy hormones."
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we were married for about six years and have three kids. she had a nice body before having kids and quickly got back into shape up post-pregnancy until our last son. people did not believe she had two kids. a lot of it was genetics, her diet and being very athletic. the pregnancy with our last son was a nightmare. long story short, she went from 110 to 145. her body took a lot of damage. she's 39 and can't get back into the same shape that she was 10 years ago. she went to a plastic surgeon for lipo and "contouring" consult. she wants to do it and can't afford it. she asked me to pay 50% of everything (or $7000) since it's "half" my fault that her body was ruined from our kids and i owe that much to her. she also through in facial treatments that would smooth out her skin because her skin was ruined by the "pregnancy hormones." [/INST] nta. dude if i was you i would be more inclined to offer to pay half for her therapy. </s>
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AITA for not teaching or helping a child learn how to swim?
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for context, i am a 14-year-old girl who is pretty small and could look 12. i go to a private pool with a friend (a 13-year-old boy) a lot due to the hot weather where i am. all the lifeguards know us and it's pretty fun, when i go, more of our friends and their siblings are there most of the time. it's not very crowded but, still pretty big with a 2ft side and the deep-end, 8ft. i went a couple of days ago with my friend. when we got there his sister and her friends were there too. it was just us as it was sunday, and most people here are christian. we did our normal thing like playing games etc.
this is where the story starts, all of us are really strong swimmers, so we like playing a called alligator basically, all you do is someone stands on the edge, and everyone else is on one side, and if the person looks back and see someone swimming they jump in and chase the person who started and the people who had to go by force. there are more rules but, that's the basic rules. we did a few rounds, until when a lady who was in her mid-40's with her two kids, one 12 and one 6. she signs in and see's us playing.
she put's her 6-year-old in the shallow end alone. and tells her 12-year-old something i didn't hear. i make it to the side they're on and the lady looks at me. she tells me to watch her 12-year-old and tells me her daughter will be playing the game with us. i thought that was a little bold of her but, i was fine with someone playing with us. note i had no clue who there were. the girl was pretty scared of the water. i thought it was odd but, she might have been was worried about the coldness of the water. she got in and stood on the latter you use to get in. by that time everyone was on the side, the round started and the girl didn't go, i asked if she okay and she started right when i asked her that. she fell to the bottom. she didn't know how to swim. she was panicking underwater and the lifeguard jumped in to pull her up. we all stopped in our tracks, the lifeguard talked to the lady. after that, the lady came up to me and said that i needed to ask her child if she could swim and teach her. and we should be doing it in the shallow end because the deep end to dangerous. i told her she should not be letting her child into a pool in the deep end knowing she can't swim. she called me a bad person and left with her kids. there's way more to the story but, that's the basics.
am i the a-hole?
| 1,705 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o50vz9/aita_for_not_teaching_or_helping_a_child_learn/
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2021-06-21 17:44:32
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nta what is wrong with that mom, it's not your responsibility to teach a random child to swim, she was way outta line for all of it. youn dont even have to play with strangers kids
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nta. that mother is an idiot. it's not a child's job to teach another child how to swim. come to think of it, even though i know how to swim, especially a stranger. waht is she thinking? she's lucky you're good kids and not a bunch of bullies or this could have gone really bad even with a lifeguard there.
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[deleted]
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so... let me get this straight...
a woman you don't know, have never met, and have no reason to trust ( or vice versa) walks up to you at the pool.
she (metaphorically) shoves her kid at you - a self-confessed small/scrawny/undeveloped preteen with no obvious babysitting/childcare credentials - and basically demands you not just watch her but include her in your game, all while presumably knowing ('cause how could she not, right?) that the poor 12-year old couldn't swim.
when an unfortunate (but, sadly, predictable) result comes to pass, she has the temerity, the absolute gall, to not only blame you, but get mad that you wouldn't drop everything, inconvenience your friends, and rearrange the whole groups' afternoon to accommodate her maniac demands?
have i got this right? did i miss anything?
first of all, you don't leave your kid alone in the company of complete strangers. i'd rather *shoot myself* than become a parent, and even i know that. you don't just automatically presume others are prepared - or even able - to care for your children.
second, why was this even an issue? if mom had to run an errand or have a private conversation or something, why could the 12-year-old not look after herself? she's \*12\*, not - idk, 3?
third, how were you supposed to know she couldn't swim? \*can\* you teach people to swim? do you even know cpr?
no, honey. nta. the only thing you did wrong was not telling \[mom\] to \*f\* off.
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nta and you need to make the lifeguards and pool management aware of this woman and her willful endangerment of her kids and her expecting other children to assume responsibility for her child while they are at the pool.
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nta. you met a dangerous creep with two kids.
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nta. parents and lifeguards are responsible for the safety of swimmers. not random untrained 14 year olds. as long as you and your friends are playing safely and obeying pool rules nothing else is your responsibility.
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nta. even if you were a fully grown adult playing this game with say your younger kids/nieces/nephews/etc, it would not have been your responsibility to either watch her kids, or teach them to swim, or even ask them about this. the mother was incredibly negligent here and she's lucky nothing worse happened. if you see her again at the pool and she makes similar demands of you, say no, and go to the lifeguard, and tell them about this, and what happened previously.
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most definitely nta. that lady put you in a really terrible position. the lifeguard and/or pool manager should have stepped in and spoke to her about how inappropriate all this was.
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nta
you are not a babysitter. it was extremely irresponsible from that woman to just leave her daughter with you (and rude too). glad the lifeguards saved the kid on time!
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for context, i am a 14-year-old girl who is pretty small and could look 12. i go to a private pool with a friend (a 13-year-old boy) a lot due to the hot weather where i am. all the lifeguards know us and it's pretty fun, when i go, more of our friends and their siblings are there most of the time. it's not very crowded but, still pretty big with a 2ft side and the deep-end, 8ft. i went a couple of days ago with my friend. when we got there his sister and her friends were there too. it was just us as it was sunday, and most people here are christian. we did our normal thing like playing games etc. this is where the story starts, all of us are really strong swimmers, so we like playing a called alligator basically, all you do is someone stands on the edge, and everyone else is on one side, and if the person looks back and see someone swimming they jump in and chase the person who started and the people who had to go by force. there are more rules but, that's the basic rules. we did a few rounds, until when a lady who was in her mid-40's with her two kids, one 12 and one 6. she signs in and see's us playing. she put's her 6-year-old in the shallow end alone. and tells her 12-year-old something i didn't hear. i make it to the side they're on and the lady looks at me. she tells me to watch her 12-year-old and tells me her daughter will be playing the game with us. i thought that was a little bold of her but, i was fine with someone playing with us. note i had no clue who there were. the girl was pretty scared of the water. i thought it was odd but, she might have been was worried about the coldness of the water. she got in and stood on the latter you use to get in. by that time everyone was on the side, the round started and the girl didn't go, i asked if she okay and she started right when i asked her that. she fell to the bottom. she didn't know how to swim. she was panicking underwater and the lifeguard jumped in to pull her up. we all stopped in our tracks, the lifeguard talked to the lady. after that, the lady came up to me and said that i needed to ask her child if she could swim and teach her. and we should be doing it in the shallow end because the deep end to dangerous. i told her she should not be letting her child into a pool in the deep end knowing she can't swim. she called me a bad person and left with her kids. there's way more to the story but, that's the basics. am i the a-hole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for context, i am a 14-year-old girl who is pretty small and could look 12. i go to a private pool with a friend (a 13-year-old boy) a lot due to the hot weather where i am. all the lifeguards know us and it's pretty fun, when i go, more of our friends and their siblings are there most of the time. it's not very crowded but, still pretty big with a 2ft side and the deep-end, 8ft. i went a couple of days ago with my friend. when we got there his sister and her friends were there too. it was just us as it was sunday, and most people here are christian. we did our normal thing like playing games etc. this is where the story starts, all of us are really strong swimmers, so we like playing a called alligator basically, all you do is someone stands on the edge, and everyone else is on one side, and if the person looks back and see someone swimming they jump in and chase the person who started and the people who had to go by force. there are more rules but, that's the basic rules. we did a few rounds, until when a lady who was in her mid-40's with her two kids, one 12 and one 6. she signs in and see's us playing. she put's her 6-year-old in the shallow end alone. and tells her 12-year-old something i didn't hear. i make it to the side they're on and the lady looks at me. she tells me to watch her 12-year-old and tells me her daughter will be playing the game with us. i thought that was a little bold of her but, i was fine with someone playing with us. note i had no clue who there were. the girl was pretty scared of the water. i thought it was odd but, she might have been was worried about the coldness of the water. she got in and stood on the latter you use to get in. by that time everyone was on the side, the round started and the girl didn't go, i asked if she okay and she started right when i asked her that. she fell to the bottom. she didn't know how to swim. she was panicking underwater and the lifeguard jumped in to pull her up. we all stopped in our tracks, the lifeguard talked to the lady. after that, the lady came up to me and said that i needed to ask her child if she could swim and teach her. and we should be doing it in the shallow end because the deep end to dangerous. i told her she should not be letting her child into a pool in the deep end knowing she can't swim. she called me a bad person and left with her kids. there's way more to the story but, that's the basics. am i the a-hole? [/INST] nta what is wrong with that mom, it's not your responsibility to teach a random child to swim, she was way outta line for all of it. youn dont even have to play with strangers kids </s>
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WIBTAH for giving away my Cat?
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i want to start off saying i love my cat, he is my first cat. however we never really had a bond. i (24f) have tried everything to get him to be my best friend. after about 2 years i discovered he just tends to like males more. i really don't know why. i got him as a kitten, and has never been abused. (just putting that out there).
i moved in with roommates about 6 months ago, and ever since then he has become attached to one of my roommates (21m). i asked him how he did it, and he did literally nothing to ask for his attention. but they now have that normal cat bond. i am not jealous, in fact i'm super happy my cat found his person. sadly that person wasn't me, but its out of my control.
me and my roommate made an agreement. he would still be "my" cat while we are living at this place, and things are going awesome, so we will probably be living together for years. when he moves out, (or me) the cat will be given to him and the cat will official be "his" cat.
now the issue. i was talking to one of my close friends about this and she said i was cruel to the cat because i was giving up on him, and showing everybody that pets are throwaway objects. i disagreed and said that i am doing what is in the cats best interest, and that isn't me. that conversation ended not so good, and she ended up blowing up the friends group chat. now my friends are divided, and i don't know if i messed up, i think as long as me and the roommate are on board who gives a f\*ck. i really don't want to loose friends over this. am i the asshole? (sorry for any spelling/grammar errors, i'm dyslexic af)
| 543 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/grur0v/wibtah_for_giving_away_my_cat/
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2020-05-27 23:22:24
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nta, we don't choose cats, cats choose us.
in all seriousness, the agreement you have made is awesome, your cat gets to be with someone it's bonded with and you know your cat will be looked after, plus you had the cat for 2 years and didn't give up on it.
your friend sounds like a preachy, judgemental asshole.
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nta. i read the title and thought “asshole”, read the post and thought “good person”.
why would you be the asshole for giving your cat to the person he obviously prefers? cats choose us, we don’t choose them. now you can adopt yourself a cat after :)
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nta: you don't pick cats. cats pick you.
you love this animal, and have his best interests in mind. he likes your roommate, and you are pretty much just "the person who gives me food sometimes" in his eyes. he is a cat. i promise he will not be personally offended if you give him to your roommate someday.
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nta. you're still taking care of the cat. as long as the cat is happy and taken care of, it's no one else's business what arrangement you made.
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nta. if you're ensuring that the cat is going to good home where it will be loved by a good owner, then you've got 0% to apologize for. your friend sounds hysterical.
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nta. it's not like you're throwing the cat outside and locking door. you're also not bringing it to a shelter. you're also not puting it down.
i see nothing wrong with giving it a good home. your friends need to relax a little bit.
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nta- your cat isn’t being rehomed in a traditional sense. it is staying with its person (your roomie). your friends need to find somewhere else to put their energy.
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nta - you are doing a kind, generous, and selfless thing. you are putting the cat’s emotional needs above your own wants. do your friends also think that placing human children for adoption is giving up on them? putting another before yourself is commendable, whether that other be human or animal. i hope your next cat chooses you, you deserve it.
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nta- in january a grey cat appeared in my garden and looked slightly underweight and unlooked after with a tick on him. me and my family gave him food took pictures and tried to find his family. after a month there was still no one claiming him. so we tried to build his trust to let us near him to try take him to the vets to see if he was chipped, he was very nervous and after some attempts we decided to leave it a bit longer. he disappeared for a few weeks so we assumed he had found his way home. but he then reappeared not long after and the weather went bad and it was raining a lot and this is when he decided to move in. any window open he found he would climb into the house and sleep next to our cats. after three months we managed to take him to the vets to see if he was chipped. by this point we cared for him and had decided he would become part of the family if he had no owner. however the vets said he was microchipped and had been missing for 6months after speaking to his owner we found out they had only had him for less than a day when he went missing and that we could keep him as he had settled into our home and was very happy. this was because at theirs he was very agitated and scared at the first chance he made an escape. they decided because he’d settled and been with us 4 months we could keep him. this was in the cats best interest if your cats happy with them why cause them stress and pain to keep others happy. as pet owners are biggest responsibility is to make sure our pets are looked after and happy and you are making sure this is the case. my cat has now been in our family for just under a month and we love him unconditionally already.
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nta. it doesn't sound like you were ever abusive or unkind to the cat, and not everyone will bond with every animal. animals are like people, they do have personalities, and you can't force a friendship even with a cat. from the sound of things, you found the best possible solution!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i want to start off saying i love my cat, he is my first cat. however we never really had a bond. i (24f) have tried everything to get him to be my best friend. after about 2 years i discovered he just tends to like males more. i really don't know why. i got him as a kitten, and has never been abused. (just putting that out there). i moved in with roommates about 6 months ago, and ever since then he has become attached to one of my roommates (21m). i asked him how he did it, and he did literally nothing to ask for his attention. but they now have that normal cat bond. i am not jealous, in fact i'm super happy my cat found his person. sadly that person wasn't me, but its out of my control. me and my roommate made an agreement. he would still be "my" cat while we are living at this place, and things are going awesome, so we will probably be living together for years. when he moves out, (or me) the cat will be given to him and the cat will official be "his" cat. now the issue. i was talking to one of my close friends about this and she said i was cruel to the cat because i was giving up on him, and showing everybody that pets are throwaway objects. i disagreed and said that i am doing what is in the cats best interest, and that isn't me. that conversation ended not so good, and she ended up blowing up the friends group chat. now my friends are divided, and i don't know if i messed up, i think as long as me and the roommate are on board who gives a f\*ck. i really don't want to loose friends over this. am i the asshole? (sorry for any spelling/grammar errors, i'm dyslexic af)
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i want to start off saying i love my cat, he is my first cat. however we never really had a bond. i (24f) have tried everything to get him to be my best friend. after about 2 years i discovered he just tends to like males more. i really don't know why. i got him as a kitten, and has never been abused. (just putting that out there). i moved in with roommates about 6 months ago, and ever since then he has become attached to one of my roommates (21m). i asked him how he did it, and he did literally nothing to ask for his attention. but they now have that normal cat bond. i am not jealous, in fact i'm super happy my cat found his person. sadly that person wasn't me, but its out of my control. me and my roommate made an agreement. he would still be "my" cat while we are living at this place, and things are going awesome, so we will probably be living together for years. when he moves out, (or me) the cat will be given to him and the cat will official be "his" cat. now the issue. i was talking to one of my close friends about this and she said i was cruel to the cat because i was giving up on him, and showing everybody that pets are throwaway objects. i disagreed and said that i am doing what is in the cats best interest, and that isn't me. that conversation ended not so good, and she ended up blowing up the friends group chat. now my friends are divided, and i don't know if i messed up, i think as long as me and the roommate are on board who gives a f\*ck. i really don't want to loose friends over this. am i the asshole? (sorry for any spelling/grammar errors, i'm dyslexic af) [/INST] nta, we don't choose cats, cats choose us. in all seriousness, the agreement you have made is awesome, your cat gets to be with someone it's bonded with and you know your cat will be looked after, plus you had the cat for 2 years and didn't give up on it. your friend sounds like a preachy, judgemental asshole. </s>
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WIBTA for reporting my electrician for hitting on our nanny?
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we had some renovations going on in our home over the course of the last couple of months. often times there would be workers in the home at the same time that our nanny was there watching our two young kids. the last time i spoke to the electrician he had just finished his work and he brought up that his daughter was looking for a nanny for his two young kids on the weekends and would it be possible for him to get our nanny's contact information. he showed me pictures of his grandkids and everything. i asked her about it and she said sure, so i sent him her info.
&#x200b;
the work is now finished and a couple of weeks later it turns out that the electrician's only motivation was to ask her out. i don't have full details of exactly what he said, but it just came across as kind of creepy. she is much younger than him (late 30s while he could be easily 60+) and is married with kids. to be fair he probably did not know about that. beyond being creepy, he deceived me in my own home. this is really where my main issue lies. had he just been truthful with me in the first place i could have put a stop to it and everyone could have gone on their merry way.
&#x200b;
so, wibta for taking it to the next level and reporting him to our contractor that hired him, potentially getting him in trouble or losing work over this? i feel like it was very unprofessional of him. at a minimum he won't be welcome back in our home. so far he has not pushed things beyond her original rejection, but if he gets persistent or starts harassing her then i would definitely be more likely to say something.
&#x200b;
| 287 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c238br/wibta_for_reporting_my_electrician_for_hitting_on/
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2019-06-18 14:56:19
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nta, this was wildly unprofessional, he should understand that doing something like that may cause him to lose work, and the contractor should know that he's working with somebody who made one of his clients uncomfortable.
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you wntba because he should be held accountable for his professionalism. he asked you for your nanny’s phone number under the pretense that he was going to possibly hire her to watch his grandchildren. however, he didn’t utilize her phone number for that purpose whatsoever. i would approach the situation with his boss that the contractor has been harassing your nanny and this is something his boss should address.
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nta. shes your employee and deserves a respectful harassment free environment. report him and be done with it. he buried himself tbh.
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nta
that's very predatory and unsettling:
"can i have her info for professional purposes, but im actually just gonna try and get in her pants huehuehue"
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i'm a pretty young nanny and i know my current employer would be on him like a hyena on a carcass. i probably would not tell her to report him or anything just cuz i would feel weird making waves, but i'd feel a bit ... i don't know ... let down if she just shrugged it off. i'd certainly want her to call and make sure he's never sent out to her house again.
if she *knew* he had done that and let him work in the house again i'd be very uncomfortable.
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nta as an electrician myself i find this behavior highly inappropriate at a customers home.
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nta. that was unprofessional of him and very creepy and he lied to get the info so... he should face the consequences.
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nta. this was incredibly inappropriate of him. as a woman i am always a little nervous when i’m going to be home alone when a man i don’t know is coming to do work on my house, and i’m fortunate that none of them have crossed boundaries like this. to hit on a woman who is in a vulnerable position like that, home taking care of children, is inexcusable, whether he does it in the moment or calls her later. and the fact that he sneakily got the number from you is even worse.
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nta, but i would probably send a message to the electrician directly saying you know they lied to you about the reason for requesting the number. tell them that it was unprofessional and they will not be doing any more business with you and if you hear that he contacts her again you will file a formal complaint.
at that point you've given him a chance to get a reality check and can show the company you tried to resolve this properly before escalating it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we had some renovations going on in our home over the course of the last couple of months. often times there would be workers in the home at the same time that our nanny was there watching our two young kids. the last time i spoke to the electrician he had just finished his work and he brought up that his daughter was looking for a nanny for his two young kids on the weekends and would it be possible for him to get our nanny's contact information. he showed me pictures of his grandkids and everything. i asked her about it and she said sure, so i sent him her info. &#x200b; the work is now finished and a couple of weeks later it turns out that the electrician's only motivation was to ask her out. i don't have full details of exactly what he said, but it just came across as kind of creepy. she is much younger than him (late 30s while he could be easily 60+) and is married with kids. to be fair he probably did not know about that. beyond being creepy, he deceived me in my own home. this is really where my main issue lies. had he just been truthful with me in the first place i could have put a stop to it and everyone could have gone on their merry way. &#x200b; so, wibta for taking it to the next level and reporting him to our contractor that hired him, potentially getting him in trouble or losing work over this? i feel like it was very unprofessional of him. at a minimum he won't be welcome back in our home. so far he has not pushed things beyond her original rejection, but if he gets persistent or starts harassing her then i would definitely be more likely to say something. &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we had some renovations going on in our home over the course of the last couple of months. often times there would be workers in the home at the same time that our nanny was there watching our two young kids. the last time i spoke to the electrician he had just finished his work and he brought up that his daughter was looking for a nanny for his two young kids on the weekends and would it be possible for him to get our nanny's contact information. he showed me pictures of his grandkids and everything. i asked her about it and she said sure, so i sent him her info. &#x200b; the work is now finished and a couple of weeks later it turns out that the electrician's only motivation was to ask her out. i don't have full details of exactly what he said, but it just came across as kind of creepy. she is much younger than him (late 30s while he could be easily 60+) and is married with kids. to be fair he probably did not know about that. beyond being creepy, he deceived me in my own home. this is really where my main issue lies. had he just been truthful with me in the first place i could have put a stop to it and everyone could have gone on their merry way. &#x200b; so, wibta for taking it to the next level and reporting him to our contractor that hired him, potentially getting him in trouble or losing work over this? i feel like it was very unprofessional of him. at a minimum he won't be welcome back in our home. so far he has not pushed things beyond her original rejection, but if he gets persistent or starts harassing her then i would definitely be more likely to say something. &#x200b; [/INST] nta, this was wildly unprofessional, he should understand that doing something like that may cause him to lose work, and the contractor should know that he's working with somebody who made one of his clients uncomfortable. </s>
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AITA for taking away my unborn child's chance at having a father?
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first reddit post ever. just felt like i needed some unbiased advice from complete and utter strangers i guess.
so i'm 29, single and i've fallen pregnant to the man i've been casually seeing for the past 2yrs. neither of us ever wanted to pursue a relationship. fast forward to conception the morning after pill didn't work. so a single shot in the dark (no pun intended) has resulted in the greatest gift the universe has ever provided me. and don't get me wrong, this baby is a gift to me as i never thought i'd have the chance to be a mother. regardless of the circumstances this baby has been conceived, it's a miracle to me.
i sat down with him a couple weeks after i found out and explained to him our situation. all he could really say was that he never wanted his first child. who's 3 years old so this isn't his first rodeo.
i've watched the women in my family battle with their baby daddies my entire life and i'm not ready to do that. so for the sake of my sanity i gave him the option to terminate his parental rights.i have not placed any pressure on him. i've given him space and time to decide what he wants to do. my reasoning was always that if i had the choice i felt that he deserved a choice too.
fast forward to my first scan i updated him on the baby and he responded that he still thinks this is a mistake and that he thinks that i think he'll change his mind when he won't. he hadn't given me an answer as to what he wanted to do so i felt that in case he did want to be a part of this he had the right to see the first scan.
he again didn't say that he planned to terminate his rights. and i still didn't push it as i wanted him to make the right decision for all of us. whether that meant he would be there for us or not.
today, knowing that my next scan is coming up, i messaged him and asked him if the two of us could sit down and discuss his options, again not asking for a decision. i added that i was just trying to make the entire process easier on the both of us and that i wanted to make this as stress free as possible.
he said that he would be 100% relinquishing his parental rights to me. i advised that this would mean that i would need to speak with a lawyer to have this processed through family court. that way he would have no financial obligation to us and no rights concerning my child moving forward.
he's agreed to this and also agreed to cover all legal costs involved with terminating his rights, a wave of sadness hit me and i've not stopped crying since. i just wanted to make the right decision for all three of us but i can't help feeling that my first decision that i've made for our future was selfish.
aita for taking away my unborn child's chance at having a father? am i selfish for wanting to avoid a life of bitterness with a man who never wanted us? now that he's made his decision i can't help but feel like i've messed up and that my child may resent me for this.
| 272 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h820pc/aita_for_taking_away_my_unborn_childs_chance_at/
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2020-06-13 06:19:03
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nta.
it's better to have no dad than a dad that doesn't want to be there. you gave him every option and every chance. i've been exactly where you are, and if he one day wakes up and changes his mind do not let him tell you you robbed him of any chances. he did that himself.
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nah
going to court, going after child support and custody battles to force him to be in the kids life would be selfish. it’s better to not have you’re biological father there at all than to have him kinda and know you’re unwanted. kids will pick up on that kinda thing.
he gave up his rights. you just be the best parent you can be. and years from now, when the kid asks, don’t lie. even kids deserve to know the truth.
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nta. sounds like he needs to get the snip though, if he keeps having kids and doesnt want them.
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nah i will say i think you handled the situation maturely. tbh the tears may be hormones. but it's better than a long term battle.
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nah
you appear to have given him the choice. he seems like he truly just wants nothing to do with your child and is willing to terminate that right and even pay for it.
i think you can move forward knowing he made the choice with all the information possible. it’s not like you just met, you’ve known him for 2 years. he is choosing what’s best for him and you are choosing what you think is best for you.
you weren’t expecting to be pregnant so there isn’t more you can do
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nah - i imagine that growing up with a father who resents your very existence is probably more difficult than growing up with no father at all. please do make sure everything is clarified in the legal paperwork though. not all places allow for voluntary termination of parental rights, and in the places where that is possible, it doesn’t necessarily include an automatic release from financial responsibility. it is possible, that even if he signs away his parental rights, that should you be in a position to apply for government help, that they will force you to apply for child support at the same time and he will be held financially responsible if that happens. so again, make sure all of those points are clarified in the legal paperwork.
what you are offering him is something women already have a right to. the ability to say no to parenthood after conception. it is kind and generous to offer this, and i hope your child will one day see the wisdom in your choice. i also hope that you’ll make sure to get a complete medical history with the legal paperwork, and hold on to it in case your child chooses to one day attempt to track down their biological father.
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nta. my oldest dad's refuses to give away his rights, but hasn't seen his daughter in 2 years and refuses to pay child support. he throws her a bone about once a month to text her hi. she's in counseling and her therapist has said that the less she sees or hears from him the better. if he isn't fully committed your doing your child a favor because they won't be constantly taunted with maybe being wanted. congrats on being a mom and i wish you a safe delivery.
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info: can you support this kid on your own?
if yes nta, its better to have 1 loving stable parent than 2 of which 1 is shitty and resentful. but make sure that this child also has some healthy male role models in their life, be it if you get a son or daughter.
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nta. you put the power in his hands as to whether or not he wanted to be involved, and he took the option to not be involved at all. you did not take your child's father away. he removed himself from the equation. there's a big difference.
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nah - but if you're in the us, a guy can't simply sign away his rights. there are petitions and hearings and it's up to a judge to allow. without a super good reason most aren't going to do that.
it's probably easier for everyone to just leave him off the birth certificate.
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.039219 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: first reddit post ever. just felt like i needed some unbiased advice from complete and utter strangers i guess. so i'm 29, single and i've fallen pregnant to the man i've been casually seeing for the past 2yrs. neither of us ever wanted to pursue a relationship. fast forward to conception the morning after pill didn't work. so a single shot in the dark (no pun intended) has resulted in the greatest gift the universe has ever provided me. and don't get me wrong, this baby is a gift to me as i never thought i'd have the chance to be a mother. regardless of the circumstances this baby has been conceived, it's a miracle to me. i sat down with him a couple weeks after i found out and explained to him our situation. all he could really say was that he never wanted his first child. who's 3 years old so this isn't his first rodeo. i've watched the women in my family battle with their baby daddies my entire life and i'm not ready to do that. so for the sake of my sanity i gave him the option to terminate his parental rights.i have not placed any pressure on him. i've given him space and time to decide what he wants to do. my reasoning was always that if i had the choice i felt that he deserved a choice too. fast forward to my first scan i updated him on the baby and he responded that he still thinks this is a mistake and that he thinks that i think he'll change his mind when he won't. he hadn't given me an answer as to what he wanted to do so i felt that in case he did want to be a part of this he had the right to see the first scan. he again didn't say that he planned to terminate his rights. and i still didn't push it as i wanted him to make the right decision for all of us. whether that meant he would be there for us or not. today, knowing that my next scan is coming up, i messaged him and asked him if the two of us could sit down and discuss his options, again not asking for a decision. i added that i was just trying to make the entire process easier on the both of us and that i wanted to make this as stress free as possible. he said that he would be 100% relinquishing his parental rights to me. i advised that this would mean that i would need to speak with a lawyer to have this processed through family court. that way he would have no financial obligation to us and no rights concerning my child moving forward. he's agreed to this and also agreed to cover all legal costs involved with terminating his rights, a wave of sadness hit me and i've not stopped crying since. i just wanted to make the right decision for all three of us but i can't help feeling that my first decision that i've made for our future was selfish. aita for taking away my unborn child's chance at having a father? am i selfish for wanting to avoid a life of bitterness with a man who never wanted us? now that he's made his decision i can't help but feel like i've messed up and that my child may resent me for this.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
first reddit post ever. just felt like i needed some unbiased advice from complete and utter strangers i guess. so i'm 29, single and i've fallen pregnant to the man i've been casually seeing for the past 2yrs. neither of us ever wanted to pursue a relationship. fast forward to conception the morning after pill didn't work. so a single shot in the dark (no pun intended) has resulted in the greatest gift the universe has ever provided me. and don't get me wrong, this baby is a gift to me as i never thought i'd have the chance to be a mother. regardless of the circumstances this baby has been conceived, it's a miracle to me. i sat down with him a couple weeks after i found out and explained to him our situation. all he could really say was that he never wanted his first child. who's 3 years old so this isn't his first rodeo. i've watched the women in my family battle with their baby daddies my entire life and i'm not ready to do that. so for the sake of my sanity i gave him the option to terminate his parental rights.i have not placed any pressure on him. i've given him space and time to decide what he wants to do. my reasoning was always that if i had the choice i felt that he deserved a choice too. fast forward to my first scan i updated him on the baby and he responded that he still thinks this is a mistake and that he thinks that i think he'll change his mind when he won't. he hadn't given me an answer as to what he wanted to do so i felt that in case he did want to be a part of this he had the right to see the first scan. he again didn't say that he planned to terminate his rights. and i still didn't push it as i wanted him to make the right decision for all of us. whether that meant he would be there for us or not. today, knowing that my next scan is coming up, i messaged him and asked him if the two of us could sit down and discuss his options, again not asking for a decision. i added that i was just trying to make the entire process easier on the both of us and that i wanted to make this as stress free as possible. he said that he would be 100% relinquishing his parental rights to me. i advised that this would mean that i would need to speak with a lawyer to have this processed through family court. that way he would have no financial obligation to us and no rights concerning my child moving forward. he's agreed to this and also agreed to cover all legal costs involved with terminating his rights, a wave of sadness hit me and i've not stopped crying since. i just wanted to make the right decision for all three of us but i can't help feeling that my first decision that i've made for our future was selfish. aita for taking away my unborn child's chance at having a father? am i selfish for wanting to avoid a life of bitterness with a man who never wanted us? now that he's made his decision i can't help but feel like i've messed up and that my child may resent me for this. [/INST] nta. it's better to have no dad than a dad that doesn't want to be there. you gave him every option and every chance. i've been exactly where you are, and if he one day wakes up and changes his mind do not let him tell you you robbed him of any chances. he did that himself. </s>
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AITA for 'nagging' a restaurant on their new policy?
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because i (29f) worked in fast food/restaurants during high school and early adulthood, i put in my best effort to be courteous to the worker. usually, when i'm with friends or family and we have a split order (they pay for their food, i pay for mine) i make sure we go inside instead of drive thru to avoid extra hassle for them.
i was out with my friend (24f) when we decided to stop for dinner. we check the times to make sure the lobby is still open. online it says it is. we get there and only drive thru is open.
in the past my family has ordered separate orders through drive thru, so while i don't like it, i know we can do it.
nope! we get to the order box and apologize right away saying we needed separate orders. immediately they say they can't do that. i'm a little taken back and but am still polite and just ask if they changed that due to everything going on. no reply, until a minute later when they yell out are you going to order. they tell us we can either get one order now and pull back around for the second, or put them on the same order. seeing as 6 cars are now behind us my friend just pays for us.
at the window i ask the cashier when did the policy change. she tell me a while ago, pretty shortly, and they have their reasons. i'll admit i'm a little confused and ask what those reasons were. she snaps and says just for safety and slams the window. she throws us are food and tells me i don't need to badger them on a policy they have no control over. my friend and i left in shock.
now i'm feeling like a karen. was i over the line?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/igep72/aita_for_nagging_a_restaurant_on_their_new_policy/
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2020-08-25 15:46:41
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yta - it’s a pandemic, lots of things are changing that make no sense.
you badgered her for a policy she had no control over, you’re correct. you are probably not the first and won’t be the last person she has to deal with. the swing back around is stupid as shit but how can she control it. she most likely needs that job for above mentioned reason.
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yta. it's a drive-thru, where people wait in line to get their orders. i think it is entitled of you to want to spend time splitting up orders, and then wasting more time questioning their policy. just pay the bill and figure out later who owes what. that's what atms are for.
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yta. you were sitting at the drive through causing a big line to form because you felt you were owed an explanation for their policies. you aren't. you had the information you needed to place your order. and seriously, is it that hard to venmo someone for your part of a food order?
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esh
they were rude.
however, it’s a pandemic. rules are constantly changing towards food.
as you said, there were 6 cars behind you — so haggling over the policy change at that point was holding up the line and inconsiderate of you.
you can contact the manager during the next business day if you want an explanation.
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yta she should’ve been nicer but splitting orders in the drive thru is extremely annoying, you should know that as a former fast food worker and that’s what venmo is for.
you doubled down at the window after holding up the line and kept bothering them about it, they have no control over it and their manager probably just told them to not split orders anymore
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esh.... she was being rude, but the same time if you’ve worked in the service industry, you should understand that the person working the drive thru window is the last person to have any kind of call over the store’s policy, and likely didn’t get an explanation for the management’s decision either, if they even worked there when the rule got changed. if you really wanted to discuss the rule you should’ve asked for corporate, general manager or district manager’s card (depending on size of company). plus it’s also definitely an ah move to have a particularly large order or order spilt multiple ways instead of just cashapping each other when there’s 6 people behind you in a line. plus drive thru workers are usually timed per car and expected to keep up a particular average time or they actually get in trouble so you were holding them up with requesting the spilt checks and having a discussion about it with likely a minimum wage worker...
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yta it's a drive through, you can pass money around to each other instead of expecting them to wrangle however many transactions on your behalf.
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yta you sound really annoying
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as someone who has worked in a drive thru, you are the worst type of person lol. it’s your friend and you’re 29 not 17 (when everyone’s broke), don’t you have a “i’ll get you now, you buy next time” kinda thing? or etransfer?
it’s also a pandemic i’m sure the staff is overworked, i bet it was a newer employee and they weren’t sure how to split up the order. it’s not hard, but it’s not something you get shown how to do right away. that’s just my guess, unless it really is policy now because drive thrus have been busier since covid and you delay the line when you do that.
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yta
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.002566 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: because i (29f) worked in fast food/restaurants during high school and early adulthood, i put in my best effort to be courteous to the worker. usually, when i'm with friends or family and we have a split order (they pay for their food, i pay for mine) i make sure we go inside instead of drive thru to avoid extra hassle for them. i was out with my friend (24f) when we decided to stop for dinner. we check the times to make sure the lobby is still open. online it says it is. we get there and only drive thru is open. in the past my family has ordered separate orders through drive thru, so while i don't like it, i know we can do it. nope! we get to the order box and apologize right away saying we needed separate orders. immediately they say they can't do that. i'm a little taken back and but am still polite and just ask if they changed that due to everything going on. no reply, until a minute later when they yell out are you going to order. they tell us we can either get one order now and pull back around for the second, or put them on the same order. seeing as 6 cars are now behind us my friend just pays for us. at the window i ask the cashier when did the policy change. she tell me a while ago, pretty shortly, and they have their reasons. i'll admit i'm a little confused and ask what those reasons were. she snaps and says just for safety and slams the window. she throws us are food and tells me i don't need to badger them on a policy they have no control over. my friend and i left in shock. now i'm feeling like a karen. was i over the line?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
because i (29f) worked in fast food/restaurants during high school and early adulthood, i put in my best effort to be courteous to the worker. usually, when i'm with friends or family and we have a split order (they pay for their food, i pay for mine) i make sure we go inside instead of drive thru to avoid extra hassle for them. i was out with my friend (24f) when we decided to stop for dinner. we check the times to make sure the lobby is still open. online it says it is. we get there and only drive thru is open. in the past my family has ordered separate orders through drive thru, so while i don't like it, i know we can do it. nope! we get to the order box and apologize right away saying we needed separate orders. immediately they say they can't do that. i'm a little taken back and but am still polite and just ask if they changed that due to everything going on. no reply, until a minute later when they yell out are you going to order. they tell us we can either get one order now and pull back around for the second, or put them on the same order. seeing as 6 cars are now behind us my friend just pays for us. at the window i ask the cashier when did the policy change. she tell me a while ago, pretty shortly, and they have their reasons. i'll admit i'm a little confused and ask what those reasons were. she snaps and says just for safety and slams the window. she throws us are food and tells me i don't need to badger them on a policy they have no control over. my friend and i left in shock. now i'm feeling like a karen. was i over the line? [/INST] yta - it’s a pandemic, lots of things are changing that make no sense. you badgered her for a policy she had no control over, you’re correct. you are probably not the first and won’t be the last person she has to deal with. the swing back around is stupid as shit but how can she control it. she most likely needs that job for above mentioned reason. </s>
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AITA for telling my friend that I don't come to her to talk about my problems because she's self centered?
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so i've been going to a therapist for a few months now for depression and ed. one of the things we've talked about as of recent is that i need to open up more to my friends and family, as their support would be detrimental to my improvement. with this in mind, i reached out to one of my childhood friends and we had a touching conversation (he's been through some real shit in his life too) in which we both supported each other and made it known that we could vent to each other anytime.
a few days ago, this came up while talking to one of my other friends that we'll call amy. i don't remember exactly how the conversation turned to it, but it ended with me essentially saying that i had reached out to one of my friends about my mental health issues. she seemed a little taken back, and asked why i hadn't come to her if it was that bad. i kind of skirted the question, just saying that he was a good friend i've known for a really long time and it felt right to talk to him about it.
i thought that that would be it, but over the next few days amy kept making little back hand comments about how she didn't understand why i wouldn't talk to her about it. she said her feelings were hurt, and she wanted to know the real reason why i hadn't spoken to her about it. i shrugged it off for a while, repeating my previous answer, but eventually grew tired of the questioning and told her the truth.
the truth was that i had attempted to speak to her about it in the past, but everytime she immediately turned it around to be about her. i couldn't mention anything i was going through without it turning into a half an hour rant about her life. i tried to be supportive of her problems too, but it isn't easy for me to open up like that and being shut down again and again just made me realize that she wasn't really someone to talk to about that kind of stuff.
she got super offended, asking me if i was calling her self centered to which i replied "yeah, kind of." and that the fact she doesn't even remember me trying to reach out to her was pretty telling. she got all huffy and refused to speak to me the rest of the day, and i've been getting one word response texts ever since.
i do feel bad about calling her self centered, but she kept badgering me about an answer that i knew would hurt her. aita?
| 485 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pdsaha/aita_for_telling_my_friend_that_i_dont_come_to/
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2021-08-29 09:36:31
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nta. you can choose who you open up to. you do not need to open up to someone if they're acting self centered.
i will, however, say this; some people will tell you their experience on with a similar situation because they don't know how else to tell you they understand. i know i do it sometimes, and it's because i feel like i can relate more to who's venting to me and help them better if they also understand i've been there.
that does not excuse it tho. that's smth she gotta work on.
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nta. and true to form, amy made the conversation about her yet again.
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nta. her level of self-centred is astounding. even during the convo where she’s asking you why you weren’t comfortable opening up to her… she makes it about her own feelings. the convo on her side should have been, “oh wow i’m so sorry. how can i support you now and be a friend you’re comfortable talking to?” and not her response of but what about how i feel. newsflash, it doesn’t matter right now!
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nta. friend is just upset because you’re right.
ps. you said family/friend support would be detrimental to your improvement, detrimental means harmful and i don’t think that’s what you’re trying to say
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nta.
we all have friends that we open to and others that we don’t. that doesn’t make you an asshole for opening up to one friend and not the other. it’s your life - who you tell about your life is completely up to you.
especially if you’ve had less than an ideal experience opening up to that friend in the past.
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nta
you choose who gets to know about *your* issues. she has to respect that.
that being said, you should have been upfront about it at once. it’s not worth it to shield other peoples feelings in these types of situations, plus, it could be a much needed wake up call for her (that wake up call is not your responsibility to give her, though, just so that’s clear).
it’s easy to lose track of the convo, and a small «hey, i relate to this» comment, can spiral into changing the subjects over to the other person. so it isn’t necessarily with bad intentions. but the ifs and mabies is only something you need to think about when judging how seriously you take this, and *not* something you need to take into account when deciding who to open up to.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i've been going to a therapist for a few months now for depression and ed. one of the things we've talked about as of recent is that i need to open up more to my friends and family, as their support would be detrimental to my improvement. with this in mind, i reached out to one of my childhood friends and we had a touching conversation (he's been through some real shit in his life too) in which we both supported each other and made it known that we could vent to each other anytime. a few days ago, this came up while talking to one of my other friends that we'll call amy. i don't remember exactly how the conversation turned to it, but it ended with me essentially saying that i had reached out to one of my friends about my mental health issues. she seemed a little taken back, and asked why i hadn't come to her if it was that bad. i kind of skirted the question, just saying that he was a good friend i've known for a really long time and it felt right to talk to him about it. i thought that that would be it, but over the next few days amy kept making little back hand comments about how she didn't understand why i wouldn't talk to her about it. she said her feelings were hurt, and she wanted to know the real reason why i hadn't spoken to her about it. i shrugged it off for a while, repeating my previous answer, but eventually grew tired of the questioning and told her the truth. the truth was that i had attempted to speak to her about it in the past, but everytime she immediately turned it around to be about her. i couldn't mention anything i was going through without it turning into a half an hour rant about her life. i tried to be supportive of her problems too, but it isn't easy for me to open up like that and being shut down again and again just made me realize that she wasn't really someone to talk to about that kind of stuff. she got super offended, asking me if i was calling her self centered to which i replied "yeah, kind of." and that the fact she doesn't even remember me trying to reach out to her was pretty telling. she got all huffy and refused to speak to me the rest of the day, and i've been getting one word response texts ever since. i do feel bad about calling her self centered, but she kept badgering me about an answer that i knew would hurt her. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i've been going to a therapist for a few months now for depression and ed. one of the things we've talked about as of recent is that i need to open up more to my friends and family, as their support would be detrimental to my improvement. with this in mind, i reached out to one of my childhood friends and we had a touching conversation (he's been through some real shit in his life too) in which we both supported each other and made it known that we could vent to each other anytime. a few days ago, this came up while talking to one of my other friends that we'll call amy. i don't remember exactly how the conversation turned to it, but it ended with me essentially saying that i had reached out to one of my friends about my mental health issues. she seemed a little taken back, and asked why i hadn't come to her if it was that bad. i kind of skirted the question, just saying that he was a good friend i've known for a really long time and it felt right to talk to him about it. i thought that that would be it, but over the next few days amy kept making little back hand comments about how she didn't understand why i wouldn't talk to her about it. she said her feelings were hurt, and she wanted to know the real reason why i hadn't spoken to her about it. i shrugged it off for a while, repeating my previous answer, but eventually grew tired of the questioning and told her the truth. the truth was that i had attempted to speak to her about it in the past, but everytime she immediately turned it around to be about her. i couldn't mention anything i was going through without it turning into a half an hour rant about her life. i tried to be supportive of her problems too, but it isn't easy for me to open up like that and being shut down again and again just made me realize that she wasn't really someone to talk to about that kind of stuff. she got super offended, asking me if i was calling her self centered to which i replied "yeah, kind of." and that the fact she doesn't even remember me trying to reach out to her was pretty telling. she got all huffy and refused to speak to me the rest of the day, and i've been getting one word response texts ever since. i do feel bad about calling her self centered, but she kept badgering me about an answer that i knew would hurt her. aita? [/INST] nta. you can choose who you open up to. you do not need to open up to someone if they're acting self centered. i will, however, say this; some people will tell you their experience on with a similar situation because they don't know how else to tell you they understand. i know i do it sometimes, and it's because i feel like i can relate more to who's venting to me and help them better if they also understand i've been there. that does not excuse it tho. that's smth she gotta work on. </s>
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AITA For telling my dad's family he is stealing the property we bought together.
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so in the late 90s my father and i went in half on 18 acres. it's on the opposite side of the state from where i live.( 4 miles from his home.) we paid it off years ago. because i live 6 hours away and my step mom was working for the title company at the time my father put it in his name even though i was under the impression that my name was on it as well. i got tax statements to write off on my long form tax returns for years until my divorce in 2016. then i found out only my dad's name was on the property due to divorce negotiations.
since then i have been asking to have it put in my name as well with right of death like we had discussed when we purchased it. i have improved by paying for a well and several other things like gates i bought and installed. he has trashed the place due to never throwing anything away just piles of his garbage and my little brothers junk cars.
went to a family reunion with his family he didn't attend and i stopped keeping his secrets about abuse from my childhood and his refusing to put the property in my name. he is pissed at me for telling family business. i don't understand how he can ripe off his oldest son especially when he has maybe 15 years left. his health is poor and has no will. am i the asshole for refusing to pay property taxes untill my name is on the title?
| 411 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xwz80h/aita_for_telling_my_dads_family_he_is_stealing/
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2022-10-06 07:33:40
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nta
you should pretty much get a lawyer involved if you want the title. have all the relevant documents ready. stating that you paid for it too and your agreement with each other.
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nta. property taxes are paid by those who the property belongs to.
since your name isn't on the title, you don't need to pay. your father used you as an atm.
one more thing. be very cautions now as he might make a fake document claiming your name is on the title while it isn't and then him telling you to pay for the taxes again.
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nta you don't have to pay since your name isn't on it. if he doesn't chnage it consider suing him. if you have any proof that you did send him your "part" of tax money you can prove that he basically lied to you and took money out on false pretenses. see how much you payed him all together and get a lawyer. first tell him you will do this if he doesn't put your name on papers but i wouldn't believe him so even if he says yes take him and papers to lawyer and have it sighned there ao you know it's true and not him again lying to you.
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nta - get a property lawyer and find out your options here. you are not obligated to pay property tax on land you don’t own but if you’re hoping to get it once your dad passes you might risk the government taking it if taxes go unpaid.
since you have been paying taxes and upkeep on the property take everything to the lawyer that you can dig up regarding your agreement with your dad. any letters, texts, emails, cashed check copies, receipts for the well etc. as much as you can dating as far back as your purchase. it should help your lawyer with a claim. good luck. i know with married couples if one can show proof they paid to the mortgage and upkeep then the property becomes joint but i’m not sure how it works with father and son. i hope it’s resolved in your favor.
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nta. he took advantage of you. and it sounds like it's not the first time. he's making you feel like an asshole because that benefits him. it's time to dump dad.
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nta
get a lawyer
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[deleted]
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real estate attorney here—get a lawyer. nta
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nta
talk to a lawyer, and see if your stepmom is liable for professional misconduct and fraud, too.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so in the late 90s my father and i went in half on 18 acres. it's on the opposite side of the state from where i live.( 4 miles from his home.) we paid it off years ago. because i live 6 hours away and my step mom was working for the title company at the time my father put it in his name even though i was under the impression that my name was on it as well. i got tax statements to write off on my long form tax returns for years until my divorce in 2016. then i found out only my dad's name was on the property due to divorce negotiations. since then i have been asking to have it put in my name as well with right of death like we had discussed when we purchased it. i have improved by paying for a well and several other things like gates i bought and installed. he has trashed the place due to never throwing anything away just piles of his garbage and my little brothers junk cars. went to a family reunion with his family he didn't attend and i stopped keeping his secrets about abuse from my childhood and his refusing to put the property in my name. he is pissed at me for telling family business. i don't understand how he can ripe off his oldest son especially when he has maybe 15 years left. his health is poor and has no will. am i the asshole for refusing to pay property taxes untill my name is on the title?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so in the late 90s my father and i went in half on 18 acres. it's on the opposite side of the state from where i live.( 4 miles from his home.) we paid it off years ago. because i live 6 hours away and my step mom was working for the title company at the time my father put it in his name even though i was under the impression that my name was on it as well. i got tax statements to write off on my long form tax returns for years until my divorce in 2016. then i found out only my dad's name was on the property due to divorce negotiations. since then i have been asking to have it put in my name as well with right of death like we had discussed when we purchased it. i have improved by paying for a well and several other things like gates i bought and installed. he has trashed the place due to never throwing anything away just piles of his garbage and my little brothers junk cars. went to a family reunion with his family he didn't attend and i stopped keeping his secrets about abuse from my childhood and his refusing to put the property in my name. he is pissed at me for telling family business. i don't understand how he can ripe off his oldest son especially when he has maybe 15 years left. his health is poor and has no will. am i the asshole for refusing to pay property taxes untill my name is on the title? [/INST] nta you should pretty much get a lawyer involved if you want the title. have all the relevant documents ready. stating that you paid for it too and your agreement with each other. </s>
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AITA for snapping at a woman who kept insisting that I’m “British African American” ?
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i’m multiracial, born and raised in the uk. at the moment i live in the us with my bf. we live in a small town, 99.98% white, and therefore i tend to stand out. fortunately i never had any bad experiences.
so last week my bf and i were on the way to have brunch with a couple of friends. there was a queue outside the place and this middle aged woman was standing behind us. at one point she tapped on my shoulder and asked me where i’m from. i said uk and asked her where she’s from. she said “american of course” and then quickly added that she’s so happy there are “british african americans” in [area name]. then she started showering me with compliments out of nowhere and asked how i like the us.
i was confused and asked her what a “british african american” is. she **referred to me as a mulatto** and said that i have a uk accent so therefore i’m a british aa. i told the lady that she literally just made the term up and that i’m not even american. she insisted that there’s “nothing wrong” with who i am and that i should celebrate leaving america and successfully starting a life in the uk.
i told her again that i’m not american and then she gestured towards my bf and said he’s american. at this point my bf kindly told her to leave me alone but she said that this was a “conversation between ladies”. and she said that her son is marrying “someone like” me and that she’s fallen in love with “british african americans” ever since.
i finally snapped and told her that she should consider going back to europe since she’s an european american. and then i told her to stop bothering me and threatened to report her. she finally went quiet but looked mortified.
my bf was on my side but my friends were upset with me. they basically told me that this woman had obviously never left the state, let alone country and that she was understandably ignorant. they said that i should’ve just taken the compliments from her since she didn’t mean harm. they even said that she grew up in a racist, close minded society and that it’s actually a big step for people around here to have conversations like the one we had. one of them even said that i benefit from “pretty privilege” and that there are more serious issues poc face. in short they told me to stop making drama out of nothing (despite the fact she used a racial slur).
i said that although she was nice, her insistence that she knows my background better than i do was utterly ridiculous. my anger had nothing to do with any type of privilege but rather this crazy lady forcing me to accept a made up term. aita?
| 1,060 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/orh4qr/aita_for_snapping_at_a_woman_who_kept_insisting/
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2021-07-25 18:35:58
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nta. ignorance is no excuse to be an asshole, and she most definitely was.
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right. because all black people are african americans, no matter where they are from.
she is ignorant, but she was at least nice about it.
nta
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“they basically told me that this woman had obviously never left the state, let alone country and that she was understandably ignorant. they said that i should’ve just taken the compliments from her since she didn’t mean harm. they even said that she grew up in a racist, close minded society and that it’s actually a big step for people around here to have conversations like the one we had. one of them even said that i benefit from “pretty privilege” and that there are more serious issues poc face. in short they told me to stop making drama out of nothing (despite the fact she used a racial slur).”
jesus.
people are so tiring.
pretty privilege, my brown and biracial butt.
if that’s how your “friends” support you then they’re not actually your friends.
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nta.
lol. this is the result of political correctness gone overboard. people in the u.s. can't bring themselves to use the racial term "black," so they substitute the seeming cultural term "african american." welcome across the pond to this puzzle called america.
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as someone not involved this is a bit funny.
nta
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nta. people need to mind their own and your friends shouldn't give racists a pass.
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nta. at first she was a little ignorant but could have been coming from a good place (i’m white british so take take what i say with a pinch of salt, but i know some people wouldn’t have put up with her initial ignorance but i believe that people’s ignorance should be firstly given the benefit of the doubt and they should be educated, as snapping straight away would only cause them to be more racist - i grew up in a racist white area so while i don’t have experience of racism, i know how racists usually start off ignorant and have lower than average intelligence).
i will admit that when i was about 10 years old i thought that my school friend (boy i had a huge crush on) was african american (he was mixed race) despite him being as british as i am, because he looked like the african american’s i’d seen on tv.
i was brought up by a racist family, but luckily i had the intelligence to question things myself and listen to people.
but the problem here is that she didn’t accept what you were saying, she didn’t listen, and she decided that she knew more about your race than you. i know americans in general (ok so maybe white americans) can be very ignorant about anything outside of their country, so i can imagine her not realising that we have black and mixed race people in the uk (despite there surely being plenty of famous ones - i know there are famous ones here but i don’t know how well known they are in the states).
the mulatto comment was inappropriate - maybe she didn’t know it was racist, judging her ignorance (excuse my ignorance here but i don’t know the history of the word, but we have a lot of older people still refer to black people as coloured because that was socially acceptable when they were younger).
you’re definitely not the ah though, and she is, not for what she thought (it sounds like she was innocently ignorant and maybe trying to be nice) but for acting like she knew more about your race than you, and trying to tell you you’re wrong when you simply tried to educate her.
your friends are also ahs in this situation. yeah of course poc face bigger problems, but regular everyday minor things like this must be just as shitty as less occasional major things, and it’s attitudes of ignorant people that fuel the major racists, and it’s the ignorant people that end up listening to people like trump. but you tried to educate her, and she was disrespectful so you were absolutely justified in snapping at her.
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nta
1- your friends are ah. there comes a point where your buttons are pushed and you ask yourself why you have to be the patient one.
2- this lady is clearly ignorant. my ex’s mom kept calling me oriental for a while until i told her i wasn’t a rug. sweet as can be old white lady. but she stopped after i told her the difference.
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for those not sure if she's racist about the "british aa" insistence, the woman using the word "mulatto" is absolutely racist. linguistically, it has a racist history, but even if it didn't, we white people don't get to just label and "other" people with our fetishizing terms.
op, absolutely nta and i'm so sorry you have to deal with americans.
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nta - and i laughed at the "european american", what an excellent comeback. seriously, why do complete strangers feel the need to comment on someone's ethnicity? and what is up with your friends and "pretty privilege"? how judgmental is that?
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m multiracial, born and raised in the uk. at the moment i live in the us with my bf. we live in a small town, 99.98% white, and therefore i tend to stand out. fortunately i never had any bad experiences. so last week my bf and i were on the way to have brunch with a couple of friends. there was a queue outside the place and this middle aged woman was standing behind us. at one point she tapped on my shoulder and asked me where i’m from. i said uk and asked her where she’s from. she said “american of course” and then quickly added that she’s so happy there are “british african americans” in [area name]. then she started showering me with compliments out of nowhere and asked how i like the us. i was confused and asked her what a “british african american” is. she **referred to me as a mulatto** and said that i have a uk accent so therefore i’m a british aa. i told the lady that she literally just made the term up and that i’m not even american. she insisted that there’s “nothing wrong” with who i am and that i should celebrate leaving america and successfully starting a life in the uk. i told her again that i’m not american and then she gestured towards my bf and said he’s american. at this point my bf kindly told her to leave me alone but she said that this was a “conversation between ladies”. and she said that her son is marrying “someone like” me and that she’s fallen in love with “british african americans” ever since. i finally snapped and told her that she should consider going back to europe since she’s an european american. and then i told her to stop bothering me and threatened to report her. she finally went quiet but looked mortified. my bf was on my side but my friends were upset with me. they basically told me that this woman had obviously never left the state, let alone country and that she was understandably ignorant. they said that i should’ve just taken the compliments from her since she didn’t mean harm. they even said that she grew up in a racist, close minded society and that it’s actually a big step for people around here to have conversations like the one we had. one of them even said that i benefit from “pretty privilege” and that there are more serious issues poc face. in short they told me to stop making drama out of nothing (despite the fact she used a racial slur). i said that although she was nice, her insistence that she knows my background better than i do was utterly ridiculous. my anger had nothing to do with any type of privilege but rather this crazy lady forcing me to accept a made up term. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m multiracial, born and raised in the uk. at the moment i live in the us with my bf. we live in a small town, 99.98% white, and therefore i tend to stand out. fortunately i never had any bad experiences. so last week my bf and i were on the way to have brunch with a couple of friends. there was a queue outside the place and this middle aged woman was standing behind us. at one point she tapped on my shoulder and asked me where i’m from. i said uk and asked her where she’s from. she said “american of course” and then quickly added that she’s so happy there are “british african americans” in [area name]. then she started showering me with compliments out of nowhere and asked how i like the us. i was confused and asked her what a “british african american” is. she **referred to me as a mulatto** and said that i have a uk accent so therefore i’m a british aa. i told the lady that she literally just made the term up and that i’m not even american. she insisted that there’s “nothing wrong” with who i am and that i should celebrate leaving america and successfully starting a life in the uk. i told her again that i’m not american and then she gestured towards my bf and said he’s american. at this point my bf kindly told her to leave me alone but she said that this was a “conversation between ladies”. and she said that her son is marrying “someone like” me and that she’s fallen in love with “british african americans” ever since. i finally snapped and told her that she should consider going back to europe since she’s an european american. and then i told her to stop bothering me and threatened to report her. she finally went quiet but looked mortified. my bf was on my side but my friends were upset with me. they basically told me that this woman had obviously never left the state, let alone country and that she was understandably ignorant. they said that i should’ve just taken the compliments from her since she didn’t mean harm. they even said that she grew up in a racist, close minded society and that it’s actually a big step for people around here to have conversations like the one we had. one of them even said that i benefit from “pretty privilege” and that there are more serious issues poc face. in short they told me to stop making drama out of nothing (despite the fact she used a racial slur). i said that although she was nice, her insistence that she knows my background better than i do was utterly ridiculous. my anger had nothing to do with any type of privilege but rather this crazy lady forcing me to accept a made up term. aita? [/INST] nta. ignorance is no excuse to be an asshole, and she most definitely was. </s>
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WIBTA for telling my MIL that her grandchildren aren't gonna call her mama
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i'm not pregnant or trying to get pregnant at the moment, but my mil said recently in conversation that she doesn't want to be called 'grandma' or anything of the like when she has grandkids and instead insists on being called 'mama'. i personally find this odd and was taken aback by it, but did not say anything.
i'm afraid that this will likely come up again in the future since we do plan on having kids and since i'll be their mother i'll be expecting my kids to call me "mama". so wibta for saying that she'll have to pick another nickname like "nana" or something?
| 1,106 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jl0fh5/wibta_for_telling_my_mil_that_her_grandchildren/
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2020-10-30 16:50:26
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nta- she needs to accept the grandma name
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nta. you should shut mil right now before she gets worse with the nonsense. if she doesn't want to be called "grandma" she can be called "mrs. lastname".
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[deleted]
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nta, because i am in the exact same position but a slightly different name 'moma'. let me know how you do, i'm terrified of having this conversation again.
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nta. but maybe offer her a list of other words for grandma. oma, old ma, gran, granny, grammy, gam-gam, nana, nans, meemaw, etc. tell her if she doesn’t pick one, your kids will just call her by her first name.
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i don't think you can be an asshole for not wanting your children to call another woman their mother, so nta.
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nta. i think it’s a good idea to have the discussion now and tell her you will be “mama” and she can be “grandma, nana, glam-ma, nonna” or some other variation. but a word of advice, if she doesn’t pick a name to call herself your children will.
just an aside, my mil wanted to be called “grandmah” and my mother wanted to be called “grandma.” neither of them would change their mind. my son calls them by their hair color. “grey grandma” and “brown grandma.” he came up with his own way to differentiate between the two.
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mama is a common name for a grandma where i'm from. i called my grandmother mama and my mother mommy.
we also call grandfathers papa and fathers daddy.
info, is it such a strange request?
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nta. certain subs would say that this is your mil seeing your kids as her own. nip that in the bud now.
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nta you could suggest big mama... that should shut her up
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm not pregnant or trying to get pregnant at the moment, but my mil said recently in conversation that she doesn't want to be called 'grandma' or anything of the like when she has grandkids and instead insists on being called 'mama'. i personally find this odd and was taken aback by it, but did not say anything. i'm afraid that this will likely come up again in the future since we do plan on having kids and since i'll be their mother i'll be expecting my kids to call me "mama". so wibta for saying that she'll have to pick another nickname like "nana" or something?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm not pregnant or trying to get pregnant at the moment, but my mil said recently in conversation that she doesn't want to be called 'grandma' or anything of the like when she has grandkids and instead insists on being called 'mama'. i personally find this odd and was taken aback by it, but did not say anything. i'm afraid that this will likely come up again in the future since we do plan on having kids and since i'll be their mother i'll be expecting my kids to call me "mama". so wibta for saying that she'll have to pick another nickname like "nana" or something? [/INST] nta- she needs to accept the grandma name </s>
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AITA for ending my Christmas with my ex-step-kids early due to be offended by Photoshop
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disclaimer, this hasn’t erupted into a fight or dispute, i’m just really offended and want to know if it’s warranted.
background: i was with my ex-partner for 9 years, the last 7 living with her and helping raise her children as my own. we never married, and still lived as life partners. this relationship ended this year, and i moved out mid summer. it has been hard, and there are other details that already leave me feeling worse than i need to be to start.
i went over yesterday to give my gifts to the children. they are still very important to me and i’m trying to maintain a relationship with them. i was in their lives more than half of their lifetime after all, and them nearly a quarter of mine. things were going fine, we exchanged gifts, and it was going well. even had some exchange with my ex where we asked about various parts of our lives briefly.
then it happened. i walk by a photo and something caught my eye. i turn back to see a photo from a family vacation where i have been photoshopped out and replaced by a shitty parks and rec character. a tv show we used to all watch together and enjoyed some great laughs. i’m immediately offended. in my eyes, my 9 years of love, service, and dedication to a family i truly cared about was reduced down to nothingness by removing me from the memories of our lives together. if the photo is too hard to have up, then just replace it… don’t display a meaningless edited version of it.
i didn’t blow up, i simply said that it was time for me to leave. i did lean into my ex and say i was offended by the picture, and she responded it was a joke.
later, i received an “apology” text that was essentially the “i’m sorry you feel that way,” backhanded-apology that demonstrates no understanding of offensive action and resulting pain it caused. she said it was just a joke and that they photo as i was just couldn’t be up forever… again, i contend the you simply take it down and replace it rather than make it offensive.
… so, aita for being this upset and offended, and for leaving so abruptly? i’ve always thought i have a great sense of humor, and yet i do not find any humor in this at all.
| 1,008 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/koyk32/aita_for_ending_my_christmas_with_my_exstepkids/
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2021-01-02 14:45:07
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nta. this is just plain cruel and heartless. you are right to feel hurt by this. the way she responded to this makes it even worse. and even if you left early and cut things short, in that moment any person with some self respect would've been hurt enough to leave on the spot. i'm sorry you had to see that, op.
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nah. you’re allowed to feel your feelings, she’s allowed to photoshop you out of pictures. she doesn’t have to take down a picture she otherwise likes to protect your feelings.
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big nope, nta. that's not a joke. that shit would make me cry. i'm sorry that's happened to you, but it sounds like you took the high road by simply removing yourself from the situation instead of blowing up (which is what a lot of us might have done in your shoes).
she needed to just take the photo down. she knew that was gonna hurt, and that may be what she was going for.
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nta. it was insensitive af and they didn't need to have that up while you were there. also a lot of people are confused between the concepts "has the right" with "is an asshole."
she has the right to change the picture. doing so made her an asshole but she has the right. being offended doesn't make you an asshole.
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eh, soft yta?
your question has lots of parts but the title is asking about ending christmas with your children early over a photo that hurt your feelings. yes, that is a yta moment. i doubt the kids did that photoshop job or had much say in it going on the wall, and even if they found it funny to have ron swanson in their photo they don't sound old enough to make all the connections as to why it would hurt you. so, i think you should have sucked it up and spent the full amount of christmas time with these kids.
but you then ask if being hurt and offended makes you an asshole. for that one, nta. i would be deeply hurt, too. i assume it was supposed to be a joke. it doesn't sound like she put up 100 family photos with you deleted out as some sort of nasty power move before your visit, but it was a hurtful and unnecessary joke. she could have just taken the photo down for your visit. so no, i don't think being hurt makes you an asshole.
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do you realize that you are broken up with her? it's ok to feel what one feels, but you need to realize that she'll do things that are markers to her that signify the relationship is over for her too.
imo, you have to get a thicker skin. there's going to be years of symbolisms, words, actions, etc. that are related to this relationship being over with her.
also, you need to compartmentalize the relationship you have with her and with the kids. two different things.
imo, you should have stayed to spend more time with the kids. i get it that you might be ultra-touchy right now. but i suggest you don't get so triggered so easily, especially if the kids say anything about the breakup or relationship you had with their mother.
yta, because you don't get to tell somebody what photo they can have in their own home; you're the one who has to get over such things; you let this one photo get in the way of spending time with the kids; you put your feelings over the kids' feelings by just walking out of this xmas event; etc.
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nta it hurt your feelings and you didn’t blow up. you’re not an asshole for having hurt feelings. i’m sorry you’re going through a hard time. i hope you feel better soon.
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honestly, i think it really depending on who made the photo. you are operating under the assumption that your ex did the photoshop because you don't think the teens have the skills. but basically all the youths i know are pretty tech savvy and theres dozens of apps that they could use. this really sounds like a joke a teenager would do to try to cheer up their mom, especially since they used jean ralphio. if the kids did it, i think nah. you got offended but they were just trying to cheer up their mom
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kinda surprised that so many people went n t a on this one. i could understand n a h, but everyone’s judgment seems to imply that your ex is an ah for what she did.
my opinion is that yta, but a soft one. you broke up with this woman; she’s likely broken-hearted and doesn’t want to see pictures of you. replacing you with a parks & rec character is funny, and a way to salvage a picture she still likes. she clearly hasn’t done anything to alienate you from her children since you were there in christmas. i don’t blame you for being hurt by this, but i also don’t blame her for not wanting your face in her house and also not wanting to get rid of all the pictures you guys took as a family.
the thing that makes you the asshole is that you were unable to see this from your ex’s perspective, to the point where you cut christmas short over it.
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nta for being hurt and offended.
i understand why your ex might have done something like this temporarily after the breakup but to try to erase you out of their life as if your years together didn't happen, well that's just wrong.
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.193649 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: disclaimer, this hasn’t erupted into a fight or dispute, i’m just really offended and want to know if it’s warranted. background: i was with my ex-partner for 9 years, the last 7 living with her and helping raise her children as my own. we never married, and still lived as life partners. this relationship ended this year, and i moved out mid summer. it has been hard, and there are other details that already leave me feeling worse than i need to be to start. i went over yesterday to give my gifts to the children. they are still very important to me and i’m trying to maintain a relationship with them. i was in their lives more than half of their lifetime after all, and them nearly a quarter of mine. things were going fine, we exchanged gifts, and it was going well. even had some exchange with my ex where we asked about various parts of our lives briefly. then it happened. i walk by a photo and something caught my eye. i turn back to see a photo from a family vacation where i have been photoshopped out and replaced by a shitty parks and rec character. a tv show we used to all watch together and enjoyed some great laughs. i’m immediately offended. in my eyes, my 9 years of love, service, and dedication to a family i truly cared about was reduced down to nothingness by removing me from the memories of our lives together. if the photo is too hard to have up, then just replace it… don’t display a meaningless edited version of it. i didn’t blow up, i simply said that it was time for me to leave. i did lean into my ex and say i was offended by the picture, and she responded it was a joke. later, i received an “apology” text that was essentially the “i’m sorry you feel that way,” backhanded-apology that demonstrates no understanding of offensive action and resulting pain it caused. she said it was just a joke and that they photo as i was just couldn’t be up forever… again, i contend the you simply take it down and replace it rather than make it offensive. … so, aita for being this upset and offended, and for leaving so abruptly? i’ve always thought i have a great sense of humor, and yet i do not find any humor in this at all.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
disclaimer, this hasn’t erupted into a fight or dispute, i’m just really offended and want to know if it’s warranted. background: i was with my ex-partner for 9 years, the last 7 living with her and helping raise her children as my own. we never married, and still lived as life partners. this relationship ended this year, and i moved out mid summer. it has been hard, and there are other details that already leave me feeling worse than i need to be to start. i went over yesterday to give my gifts to the children. they are still very important to me and i’m trying to maintain a relationship with them. i was in their lives more than half of their lifetime after all, and them nearly a quarter of mine. things were going fine, we exchanged gifts, and it was going well. even had some exchange with my ex where we asked about various parts of our lives briefly. then it happened. i walk by a photo and something caught my eye. i turn back to see a photo from a family vacation where i have been photoshopped out and replaced by a shitty parks and rec character. a tv show we used to all watch together and enjoyed some great laughs. i’m immediately offended. in my eyes, my 9 years of love, service, and dedication to a family i truly cared about was reduced down to nothingness by removing me from the memories of our lives together. if the photo is too hard to have up, then just replace it… don’t display a meaningless edited version of it. i didn’t blow up, i simply said that it was time for me to leave. i did lean into my ex and say i was offended by the picture, and she responded it was a joke. later, i received an “apology” text that was essentially the “i’m sorry you feel that way,” backhanded-apology that demonstrates no understanding of offensive action and resulting pain it caused. she said it was just a joke and that they photo as i was just couldn’t be up forever… again, i contend the you simply take it down and replace it rather than make it offensive. … so, aita for being this upset and offended, and for leaving so abruptly? i’ve always thought i have a great sense of humor, and yet i do not find any humor in this at all. [/INST] nta. this is just plain cruel and heartless. you are right to feel hurt by this. the way she responded to this makes it even worse. and even if you left early and cut things short, in that moment any person with some self respect would've been hurt enough to leave on the spot. i'm sorry you had to see that, op. </s>
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AITA? My (31m) oldest brother (49m) is installing a deck on our parents house. It's obvious even to a kindergartner that the posts are crooked. And the entire deck is crooked. Almost a entire foot.
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my (31m) oldest brother (49m) is installing a deck on our parents house. it's obvious even to a kindergartner that the posts are crooked. and the entire deck is crooked. almost a entire foot.
i told both of our parents about it. showed them. neither will say anything to him.
i didnt help yesterday because i was busy and i helped all last weekend while he watched us unload all the lumber. he disagreed with me when i wanted to lay the lumber on a flat surface so it won't bow because it was 15 feet further to carry it. even though he wasnt carrying it at all.
after he left i went out to see everything and noticed the center poles are way crooked. i measured and found they are 10 inches difference between the front and the back. now when you look at even the basic framing you can tell it is crooked.
i waited for him to show up today and casually brought it up. he says it doesnt matter. i showed him the joist that is only 3" on the beam that he put in (it's hanging over the other beam 16 1/4")and he lost his shit. telling me it was my fault because i didnt help yesterday. when i checked to see what was going on around noon there were 5 people standing around.
he yelled at me after i told him to lower his voice over 4 times. telling to just go away. so i did. fuck it. he called me a "hot shot" because i was measuring things.
so be honest please. aita?
| 262 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gh7xd1/aita_my_31m_oldest_brother_49m_is_installing_a/
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2020-05-10 19:36:45
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nta hotshot with your fancy measuring tape and math skills.
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lol, no, you aren’t ta. your brothers pride is getting in the way of him realizing he’s doing a shitty job.
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nta. if he were hanging a picture crooked? fine, doesn't hurt anyone. but when you're literally building something on to the house? yeah, that should probably be done the right way.
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nta. unless there's been some power struggle thing between you two due to the age difference or unless you brought all this up in a way that made him look like an idiot in front of everybody who was there, i don't see why he'd blow up like this. but since your parents refuse to say anything about the obviously crappy job he's doing despite your objections, i'm guessing he's one of those people who think they're always right and get mad at the slightest insinuation that they made a mistake.
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nta - do let your parents know that you have concerns about his decisions and competence, that he's chosen not to take your advice on board, and has asked you to leave.
then with a clear coincidence you can step away and then let them all get on with it and deal with the consequences.
not your circus, not your monkeys.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (31m) oldest brother (49m) is installing a deck on our parents house. it's obvious even to a kindergartner that the posts are crooked. and the entire deck is crooked. almost a entire foot. i told both of our parents about it. showed them. neither will say anything to him. i didnt help yesterday because i was busy and i helped all last weekend while he watched us unload all the lumber. he disagreed with me when i wanted to lay the lumber on a flat surface so it won't bow because it was 15 feet further to carry it. even though he wasnt carrying it at all. after he left i went out to see everything and noticed the center poles are way crooked. i measured and found they are 10 inches difference between the front and the back. now when you look at even the basic framing you can tell it is crooked. i waited for him to show up today and casually brought it up. he says it doesnt matter. i showed him the joist that is only 3" on the beam that he put in (it's hanging over the other beam 16 1/4")and he lost his shit. telling me it was my fault because i didnt help yesterday. when i checked to see what was going on around noon there were 5 people standing around. he yelled at me after i told him to lower his voice over 4 times. telling to just go away. so i did. fuck it. he called me a "hot shot" because i was measuring things. so be honest please. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (31m) oldest brother (49m) is installing a deck on our parents house. it's obvious even to a kindergartner that the posts are crooked. and the entire deck is crooked. almost a entire foot. i told both of our parents about it. showed them. neither will say anything to him. i didnt help yesterday because i was busy and i helped all last weekend while he watched us unload all the lumber. he disagreed with me when i wanted to lay the lumber on a flat surface so it won't bow because it was 15 feet further to carry it. even though he wasnt carrying it at all. after he left i went out to see everything and noticed the center poles are way crooked. i measured and found they are 10 inches difference between the front and the back. now when you look at even the basic framing you can tell it is crooked. i waited for him to show up today and casually brought it up. he says it doesnt matter. i showed him the joist that is only 3" on the beam that he put in (it's hanging over the other beam 16 1/4")and he lost his shit. telling me it was my fault because i didnt help yesterday. when i checked to see what was going on around noon there were 5 people standing around. he yelled at me after i told him to lower his voice over 4 times. telling to just go away. so i did. fuck it. he called me a "hot shot" because i was measuring things. so be honest please. aita? [/INST] nta hotshot with your fancy measuring tape and math skills. </s>
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AITA for getting mad at my parents for not getting me a Christmas present?
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hi y'all,
using a throwaway for privacy. i'm feeling really confused and upset... to give some context, i (17f) recently got accepted to university. but yesterday during my family's christmas celebration, my parents didn't get me any presents for christmas. i did have an actual present to open, they wrapped a box with a card that had a message about them paying for my school and stuff, so essentially that my "present" was going to be paying for my tuition. the thing that bugged me was that my brother (13m) received a playstation 5 as a gift.
i understand that my tuition is a big financial responsibility for my parents and i'm grateful that they are able to support me in that way. but i can't help feeling jealous of my brother and upset that i didn't receive any presents. i feel like my parents promised me that they would pay for my tuition when i was younger, and now it feels like they're using it as an excuse not to get me anything. i told my mom that this year i wanted a watercolor paint set, because i like to paint as a hobby, and it seemed like she was listening and i really thought i was going to get something like that.
when i opened my "present" yesterday i was obviously really happy that they were going to help me, but when i saw my brother get his ps5 and some other stuff, i kind of grumbled that i didn't get any real presents to open myself. my mom noticed i was upset, and asked me what was wrong. i told her i was sad i didn't get any presents to open and my dad immediately jumped to my mom's defence and said my present is a lot more expensive than a ps5. so i said "if you're paying for my school now i feel like you'll pay for my brother's school eventually too, so why does he get something and i don't? i didn't ask for much i just thought i'd have something to open and enjoy today." my dad told me i was being really rude and ungrateful. my mom didn't say much and looked really upset, and then my brother started saying i was being an asshole but it seemed like he was trying to egg on the situation because he was kind of smirking. so i ran off to my room and i've been hiding since then.
so reddit am i the asshole for getting upset with my praents that they didn't get me anything? thanks. :)
| 583 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zvunyo/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_parents_for_not/
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2022-12-26 19:26:22
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nta. i get what your saying. even a $5 gift would be nice just to have something tangible esp compared to a ps5. you could've reacted a little better but yes you are 17. i know 27 yo who still are trying to control their feelings. i hope you apologize and just explain that you don't think they did wrong you just couldn't help how you felt in the moment.
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nta. paying your school tuition is a huge gift but you’re still a kid and your parents should have realized that it sucks not to have anything to open.
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nta. will your tuition be all your gifts for all things until you graduate?
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nta
food, housing and clothing are basic needs that parents provide for kids. tuition is a bit different as it's somewhat optional but still same category of non-fun life stuff.
you don't give a kid a bill for heating and water and groceries and tell them it's a christmas gift.
christmas gifts are for fun, optional bonus things. it's great your parents are paying your tuition. and it might make things a bit tight for them. but in that case, the kind thing to do is tell you, in advance, that they will be paying tuition and so it'll be a little tougher at christmas and you should expect a smaller gift than usual and smaller than your brother.
then they can get you some chocolate, a couple good books, fun craft, cute jewelry and maybe a book of photos of you from 0 to 17. that'll come in as a fraction of your brother's gift but gives you nice memories and a way to spend your day.
i'm sorry your parents did that.
however, it's worth telling yourself that overall, they might be a bit callous but you are in a much better position with paid tuition and no shiny gifts. think of it as your parents caring for you but not being great with affection. does that sound like them?
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nah. but hopefully when it's time to pay for your brother's tuition, you'll get a present and he won't! if that's not the case you might have reason to be upset.
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every christmas from now on get them the same card telling them someday you’ll be contributing to their retirement home/care and that is their gift.
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yta
i get the disapointment but college is a really big gift.
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at 17, i got sweaters and then had to pay my own college tuition. gentle yta
i'm sure if you wanted to pay your own college expenses, your parents could take that hundred grand and buy you a game system
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you got a present when you were 13. he deserves it too. he isnt at that stage of life yet. yta.
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100% yta. your brother might get his school paid for but did you get gifts at 13 and also get your school paid for.
life isn’t fair, most people don’t have their parents pay for their schooling.
i’d be thinking if i were them, fu*k it, here’s your water colours, pay for your own school.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.852562 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi y'all, using a throwaway for privacy. i'm feeling really confused and upset... to give some context, i (17f) recently got accepted to university. but yesterday during my family's christmas celebration, my parents didn't get me any presents for christmas. i did have an actual present to open, they wrapped a box with a card that had a message about them paying for my school and stuff, so essentially that my "present" was going to be paying for my tuition. the thing that bugged me was that my brother (13m) received a playstation 5 as a gift. i understand that my tuition is a big financial responsibility for my parents and i'm grateful that they are able to support me in that way. but i can't help feeling jealous of my brother and upset that i didn't receive any presents. i feel like my parents promised me that they would pay for my tuition when i was younger, and now it feels like they're using it as an excuse not to get me anything. i told my mom that this year i wanted a watercolor paint set, because i like to paint as a hobby, and it seemed like she was listening and i really thought i was going to get something like that. when i opened my "present" yesterday i was obviously really happy that they were going to help me, but when i saw my brother get his ps5 and some other stuff, i kind of grumbled that i didn't get any real presents to open myself. my mom noticed i was upset, and asked me what was wrong. i told her i was sad i didn't get any presents to open and my dad immediately jumped to my mom's defence and said my present is a lot more expensive than a ps5. so i said "if you're paying for my school now i feel like you'll pay for my brother's school eventually too, so why does he get something and i don't? i didn't ask for much i just thought i'd have something to open and enjoy today." my dad told me i was being really rude and ungrateful. my mom didn't say much and looked really upset, and then my brother started saying i was being an asshole but it seemed like he was trying to egg on the situation because he was kind of smirking. so i ran off to my room and i've been hiding since then. so reddit am i the asshole for getting upset with my praents that they didn't get me anything? thanks. :)
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi y'all, using a throwaway for privacy. i'm feeling really confused and upset... to give some context, i (17f) recently got accepted to university. but yesterday during my family's christmas celebration, my parents didn't get me any presents for christmas. i did have an actual present to open, they wrapped a box with a card that had a message about them paying for my school and stuff, so essentially that my "present" was going to be paying for my tuition. the thing that bugged me was that my brother (13m) received a playstation 5 as a gift. i understand that my tuition is a big financial responsibility for my parents and i'm grateful that they are able to support me in that way. but i can't help feeling jealous of my brother and upset that i didn't receive any presents. i feel like my parents promised me that they would pay for my tuition when i was younger, and now it feels like they're using it as an excuse not to get me anything. i told my mom that this year i wanted a watercolor paint set, because i like to paint as a hobby, and it seemed like she was listening and i really thought i was going to get something like that. when i opened my "present" yesterday i was obviously really happy that they were going to help me, but when i saw my brother get his ps5 and some other stuff, i kind of grumbled that i didn't get any real presents to open myself. my mom noticed i was upset, and asked me what was wrong. i told her i was sad i didn't get any presents to open and my dad immediately jumped to my mom's defence and said my present is a lot more expensive than a ps5. so i said "if you're paying for my school now i feel like you'll pay for my brother's school eventually too, so why does he get something and i don't? i didn't ask for much i just thought i'd have something to open and enjoy today." my dad told me i was being really rude and ungrateful. my mom didn't say much and looked really upset, and then my brother started saying i was being an asshole but it seemed like he was trying to egg on the situation because he was kind of smirking. so i ran off to my room and i've been hiding since then. so reddit am i the asshole for getting upset with my praents that they didn't get me anything? thanks. :) [/INST] nta. i get what your saying. even a $5 gift would be nice just to have something tangible esp compared to a ps5. you could've reacted a little better but yes you are 17. i know 27 yo who still are trying to control their feelings. i hope you apologize and just explain that you don't think they did wrong you just couldn't help how you felt in the moment. </s>
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AITA for slamming the door on my parents
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so today is my 19th birthday last year on my birthday my parents kicked me out and said they wanted nothing to do with me. when my older brother was getting ready for work and i was getting ready for class my parents stopped by the house and my brother tried to tell them to leave but called me to the door. when i saw them i felt the color drain from my body and all i wanted to do was slam the door, so i did that. when i told one of my friends about it because i was late picking her up, she told me i was a bitch for doing that and i should try to work things out with my parents because they might’ve change. for context on my 18th birthday i was pregnant and when i had a miscarriage later on and my brother told them they called me a whore and said i deserved it.
i feel conflicted like maybe they have changed but a better part of me knows they suck. i’m just confused if i’m in the wrong for not even hearing them out. so reddit aita?
| 586 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fcwahm/aita_for_slamming_the_door_on_my_parents/
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2020-03-03 15:36:16
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nta. your parents did a breathtakingly ugly thing to you. as the hurt person, you get to decide when (or if) you’re ready to give them another chance to be decent human beings. stand your ground.
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nta
they ambushed you on your territory.
if they've had a change of heart and are trying to reach out then they should have tried less aggressive ways of contacting you first, like text or a call or even a letter.
sorry for two ruined birthdays in a row, girl.
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nta. they abandoned you when you needed help. it's going to take time to heal and it's up to you when you're willing to forgive them or reconcile.
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nta - you slammed the door on them. maybe it was rude, but so was them showing up out of the blue after cutting ties with you and abandoning you when you likely needed them the most. honestly, you could have done/said worse, so i think you handled it well.
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nta.
parents don't get a "i can perpetually disrespect my child" card, they were extremely rude and you responded in kind.
treat people the way you want to be treated.
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nta. that old, 'blood is thicker than water,' saying is a bunch of crap. for what you say they've done, you shouldn't have to talk to them ever again if you don't want to.
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nta - you are never the asshole for cutting mean, negative people out of your life, even if they are family.
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nta your friend needs to mind her own business. there is absolute lot nothing wrong with cutting off toxic shitty family members.
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" i had a miscarriage later on and my brother told them they called me a whore and said i deserved it. "
people that say stuff like this don't change. nta
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nta, i would recommend r/raisedbynarcissists or r/insaneparents for some solid advice on how to deal with them
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so today is my 19th birthday last year on my birthday my parents kicked me out and said they wanted nothing to do with me. when my older brother was getting ready for work and i was getting ready for class my parents stopped by the house and my brother tried to tell them to leave but called me to the door. when i saw them i felt the color drain from my body and all i wanted to do was slam the door, so i did that. when i told one of my friends about it because i was late picking her up, she told me i was a bitch for doing that and i should try to work things out with my parents because they might’ve change. for context on my 18th birthday i was pregnant and when i had a miscarriage later on and my brother told them they called me a whore and said i deserved it. i feel conflicted like maybe they have changed but a better part of me knows they suck. i’m just confused if i’m in the wrong for not even hearing them out. so reddit aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so today is my 19th birthday last year on my birthday my parents kicked me out and said they wanted nothing to do with me. when my older brother was getting ready for work and i was getting ready for class my parents stopped by the house and my brother tried to tell them to leave but called me to the door. when i saw them i felt the color drain from my body and all i wanted to do was slam the door, so i did that. when i told one of my friends about it because i was late picking her up, she told me i was a bitch for doing that and i should try to work things out with my parents because they might’ve change. for context on my 18th birthday i was pregnant and when i had a miscarriage later on and my brother told them they called me a whore and said i deserved it. i feel conflicted like maybe they have changed but a better part of me knows they suck. i’m just confused if i’m in the wrong for not even hearing them out. so reddit aita? [/INST] nta. your parents did a breathtakingly ugly thing to you. as the hurt person, you get to decide when (or if) you’re ready to give them another chance to be decent human beings. stand your ground. </s>
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AITA for telling my Fiance to get over himself?
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i'm engaged to my fiance (sam/41) and we're getting married soon. i will say that he was married before and had a 13 year old son who passed away 4 years ago. let me tell you he is still pretty much grieving, not judging him for that but his grieving can and will cloud his thinking sometimes.
we're currently in the wedding planning phase, he asked that we "reserve" a chair at the venue for his deceased son. i was dumbfounded when i heard this but he said that he knows his son will be there for him spriritually and he'd like to reserve a seat for him out of respect and to make him feel "included", i tried to be gentle because this seemed insane and told him we can't do that because guests will be asking questions and will think he's mentally unstable. i asked him to let go of this idea but he offered a compromise by leaving the last chair (in the very back) empty so no one will notice. i felt uneasy and asked him to just let it go but he kept bringing it up saying he gets a say since it's his wedding and his son was and will always be family, i had a fight with him telling him it's my wedding too and i don't people to laugh at us. he said i have nothing to lose if i say yes and that i'm being selfish. i snapped and told him to get over himself and he got quiet suddenly and stopped arguing then shut down completely. i then heard him sob while he was smoking outside and refused to speak to me, didn't even let me sit with him. he has been like this eversince the fight and has been avoiding me. i could have blown this out of propotion but i thought his request will weird out many guests and make our wedding a laughing stock.
*editing to add that i didn't think that such thing was common. i admit that i should've handled the conversation better but the guests i was referring to are my male cousin, they're terrible and make fun of everything and take every opportunity to turn an event into a laughing stock. i can't keep them from attending because they're family but at the same time don't want to give them a chance to hurt sam's feelings or make rude comments. i love sam and sympathize with his struggle but i feel like he's being dismissive of my feelings and thoughts.*
| 14,235 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u4wb9h/aita_for_telling_my_fiance_to_get_over_himself/
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2022-04-16 12:00:35
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yta. a wedding is about both of you. he offered a comprise. you're putting your foot down...why? what he wants is harmless and also really sweet.
'guests will be asking questions and will think he's mentally unstable.'
'i don't people to laugh at us.'
so...don't invite ahs to your wedding?
i'm sorry but given how callous you're being i'd be surprised if there even is a wedding now.
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yta unequivocally. a huge gaping one. he lost his child. you don't get over that. you made him sob over a chair. think about that for a minute. the way you're approaching this is disgusting. you're the one that needs to get over yourself. if i were him i would be calling the whole wedding off. the disrespect is unreal.
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you are right about his grief clouding his thinking sometimes. he must've been totally clouded over when he agreed to marry you.
you come across as a very cold hearted, self obsessed person.
you don't deserve him.
yta
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yta - leaving a front row seat open at the ceremony and having an “in memory” table with some pictures of loved ones you wish could attend at the reception are both very common wedding practices for people who have lost close family members.
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yta. no one is going to think he's mentally unstable or insane, thats all in your head. its quite common to have emty chairs for this reason, if you place a photo on the chair its clear what you are doing. they are usually in the family section where they belong not as an afterthought in the back.
interestingly you felt only your fiance's age was relevant here.
given you care more about people laughing at you than your fiance's very valid feelings perhaps you shouldn't be marrying him. the only clouded judgement here is yours. you are the one who needs to get over yourself and stop caring about what other guests might think.
i'd be very surprised if he marries you after this. he deserves better.
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yta. a massive one. like....couldn't be more of one. he should not only get his empty seat at the very front, but there should be a photo of his son in that seat. he will always be a father and the fact that you're trying to erase his son from an important day in his life and belittling his feelings is a really big indicator of how the rest of his life with you will be. i hope he sees that before it's too late (for him).
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yta. that is a beautiful way to have his deceased child still included in the wedding and everyone who would laugh at that or think him 'mentally unstable' should not be someone you want at your wedding anyway
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yta. wow. never seen an easier one on this sub ever
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yta, majorly.
i''ve been at multiple weddings where an empty chair was reserved for a deceased loved one. there's no reason any guest will make fun of you or think he's unstable. it's not going to ruin the aesthetic of your wedding...cuz that's what you seem to be worried about.
secondly, how dare you try to invalidate his grieving. he lost a child for gosh sake. shame on you.
*edited formating*
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i have never seen anyone post on this site who was more of ta than this.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm engaged to my fiance (sam/41) and we're getting married soon. i will say that he was married before and had a 13 year old son who passed away 4 years ago. let me tell you he is still pretty much grieving, not judging him for that but his grieving can and will cloud his thinking sometimes. we're currently in the wedding planning phase, he asked that we "reserve" a chair at the venue for his deceased son. i was dumbfounded when i heard this but he said that he knows his son will be there for him spriritually and he'd like to reserve a seat for him out of respect and to make him feel "included", i tried to be gentle because this seemed insane and told him we can't do that because guests will be asking questions and will think he's mentally unstable. i asked him to let go of this idea but he offered a compromise by leaving the last chair (in the very back) empty so no one will notice. i felt uneasy and asked him to just let it go but he kept bringing it up saying he gets a say since it's his wedding and his son was and will always be family, i had a fight with him telling him it's my wedding too and i don't people to laugh at us. he said i have nothing to lose if i say yes and that i'm being selfish. i snapped and told him to get over himself and he got quiet suddenly and stopped arguing then shut down completely. i then heard him sob while he was smoking outside and refused to speak to me, didn't even let me sit with him. he has been like this eversince the fight and has been avoiding me. i could have blown this out of propotion but i thought his request will weird out many guests and make our wedding a laughing stock. *editing to add that i didn't think that such thing was common. i admit that i should've handled the conversation better but the guests i was referring to are my male cousin, they're terrible and make fun of everything and take every opportunity to turn an event into a laughing stock. i can't keep them from attending because they're family but at the same time don't want to give them a chance to hurt sam's feelings or make rude comments. i love sam and sympathize with his struggle but i feel like he's being dismissive of my feelings and thoughts.*
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm engaged to my fiance (sam/41) and we're getting married soon. i will say that he was married before and had a 13 year old son who passed away 4 years ago. let me tell you he is still pretty much grieving, not judging him for that but his grieving can and will cloud his thinking sometimes. we're currently in the wedding planning phase, he asked that we "reserve" a chair at the venue for his deceased son. i was dumbfounded when i heard this but he said that he knows his son will be there for him spriritually and he'd like to reserve a seat for him out of respect and to make him feel "included", i tried to be gentle because this seemed insane and told him we can't do that because guests will be asking questions and will think he's mentally unstable. i asked him to let go of this idea but he offered a compromise by leaving the last chair (in the very back) empty so no one will notice. i felt uneasy and asked him to just let it go but he kept bringing it up saying he gets a say since it's his wedding and his son was and will always be family, i had a fight with him telling him it's my wedding too and i don't people to laugh at us. he said i have nothing to lose if i say yes and that i'm being selfish. i snapped and told him to get over himself and he got quiet suddenly and stopped arguing then shut down completely. i then heard him sob while he was smoking outside and refused to speak to me, didn't even let me sit with him. he has been like this eversince the fight and has been avoiding me. i could have blown this out of propotion but i thought his request will weird out many guests and make our wedding a laughing stock. *editing to add that i didn't think that such thing was common. i admit that i should've handled the conversation better but the guests i was referring to are my male cousin, they're terrible and make fun of everything and take every opportunity to turn an event into a laughing stock. i can't keep them from attending because they're family but at the same time don't want to give them a chance to hurt sam's feelings or make rude comments. i love sam and sympathize with his struggle but i feel like he's being dismissive of my feelings and thoughts.* [/INST] yta. a wedding is about both of you. he offered a comprise. you're putting your foot down...why? what he wants is harmless and also really sweet. 'guests will be asking questions and will think he's mentally unstable.' 'i don't people to laugh at us.' so...don't invite ahs to your wedding? i'm sorry but given how callous you're being i'd be surprised if there even is a wedding now. </s>
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AITA for not pretending to accept an apology?
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my mil is very, kind, helpful and generous for 95% of whatever time i spend with her, but batshit crazy the other 5%. every time i see them (they live in a different city) it's like waiting for a ticking time bomb to go off, no matter how nice she's being or how well we're getting on.
my wife gave birth to our 2nd child 8 weeks ago and because of covid her parents weren't able to meet the baby. they finally got permission to travel and drove up here a week ago to stay with us. all was good as per usual for the first while until 2 nights ago.
mil and fil were watching the news about statue removals and making tsk-ing noises, talking to me and my wife trying to get us to agree that its ridiculous. i strongly disagreed and told them so but was very careful in arguing the facts as i saw them, rather than anything ad hominem. it seemed like we had gotten to the 'agree to disagree' part of the conversation and i left it at that. but an hour or two later when i went downstairs she jumped on me, accusing me of calling her a racist among some other terrible stuff and getting truly hysterical. i spent about 30 min staying very calm and trying to deescalate a ridiculous situation. i apologised if she inferred the above in any way from what i said, but i was adamant that i didn't say or do any of it. she got more and more worked up regardless and ended up screaming in my face.
eventually i could hold myself back no more and i started shouting too. insisted that this was my house and regardless of how she feels about my views she'll behave decently and show me some respect. it all culminated in my shouting 'i dont think you're a racist but i do think you're fucking insane'. i really, really wanted to throw them out at that point but i didn't.
anyway, she eventually calmed down and i think started to realise the shitshow she'd caused over absolutely nothing and thoroughly regretting it. yesterday she sheepishly came into my office and said 'i'm sorry if i misinterpreted anything you said', which to me is quite the half-assed apology. i told her we're gone through this cycle before, its unacceptable to verbally abuse me like that in my own home to the point i feel quite traumatized (completely true even if it makes me soft) and that while i appreciate her trying to apologize (literally the first i've ever heard from her) i would from now on only be polite for the sake of my wife and her relationship with my kids but that's where it ends. she said ok, and left the room, apparently to go cry.
my wife was fantastic throughout this whole thing, had my back and defended me to the hilt. but... she feels i should have just pretended to accept the apology and act like everything is fine for her sake and the sake of the tense current atmosphere. i feel like mil has never had to face any consequences for her outbursts and behavior and i don't feel like shredding my sanity and self-respect to enable her anymore.
so, aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hsvqg7/aita_for_not_pretending_to_accept_an_apology/
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2020-07-17 13:31:41
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nta
an apology needs to contain at a minimum: a statement of what you did, an acknowledgement of the harm that action caused, and a plan for making things right or preventing future harm.
> 'i'm sorry if i misinterpreted anything you said'
does not even say what the person did wrong.
you handled the non-apology about as adulty as possible.
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no, nta. how awful to have to walk on eggshells in your own home. she’s a guest.
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nta - you don’t have to pretend to even accept the apology. actions speak louder than words. furthermore, an “apology” containing the word if is not an apology as it tries to invalidate your feelings and reinforce the idea that the antagonist (your mil) did nothing wrong.
she did. and she did it in your home.
yes you shouted at her which ordinarily i would never do, however, it seems that your mil has demonstrated such behaviour previously and would continue to do so. being a mil does not mean you don’t get called out when you’re being erratic or disrespectful. particularly in another person’s home. i notice how fil has little mention here which likely means he recognises, from experience, this type of behaviour from his wife. your own wife likely wants to just keep the peace.
what you’ve done is set new boundaries which is commendable as it’s often difficult with mil and dil.
you articulated yourself on a raw topic incredibly well. she persisted in creating this conflict. she doesn’t get to antagonise or disrespect you and then play the victim. crocodile tears don’t work with me.
again, nta
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nta. you spoke the truth- she is insane. and that apology is lacking in both remorse and understanding what the issue is.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mil is very, kind, helpful and generous for 95% of whatever time i spend with her, but batshit crazy the other 5%. every time i see them (they live in a different city) it's like waiting for a ticking time bomb to go off, no matter how nice she's being or how well we're getting on. my wife gave birth to our 2nd child 8 weeks ago and because of covid her parents weren't able to meet the baby. they finally got permission to travel and drove up here a week ago to stay with us. all was good as per usual for the first while until 2 nights ago. mil and fil were watching the news about statue removals and making tsk-ing noises, talking to me and my wife trying to get us to agree that its ridiculous. i strongly disagreed and told them so but was very careful in arguing the facts as i saw them, rather than anything ad hominem. it seemed like we had gotten to the 'agree to disagree' part of the conversation and i left it at that. but an hour or two later when i went downstairs she jumped on me, accusing me of calling her a racist among some other terrible stuff and getting truly hysterical. i spent about 30 min staying very calm and trying to deescalate a ridiculous situation. i apologised if she inferred the above in any way from what i said, but i was adamant that i didn't say or do any of it. she got more and more worked up regardless and ended up screaming in my face. eventually i could hold myself back no more and i started shouting too. insisted that this was my house and regardless of how she feels about my views she'll behave decently and show me some respect. it all culminated in my shouting 'i dont think you're a racist but i do think you're fucking insane'. i really, really wanted to throw them out at that point but i didn't. anyway, she eventually calmed down and i think started to realise the shitshow she'd caused over absolutely nothing and thoroughly regretting it. yesterday she sheepishly came into my office and said 'i'm sorry if i misinterpreted anything you said', which to me is quite the half-assed apology. i told her we're gone through this cycle before, its unacceptable to verbally abuse me like that in my own home to the point i feel quite traumatized (completely true even if it makes me soft) and that while i appreciate her trying to apologize (literally the first i've ever heard from her) i would from now on only be polite for the sake of my wife and her relationship with my kids but that's where it ends. she said ok, and left the room, apparently to go cry. my wife was fantastic throughout this whole thing, had my back and defended me to the hilt. but... she feels i should have just pretended to accept the apology and act like everything is fine for her sake and the sake of the tense current atmosphere. i feel like mil has never had to face any consequences for her outbursts and behavior and i don't feel like shredding my sanity and self-respect to enable her anymore. so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my mil is very, kind, helpful and generous for 95% of whatever time i spend with her, but batshit crazy the other 5%. every time i see them (they live in a different city) it's like waiting for a ticking time bomb to go off, no matter how nice she's being or how well we're getting on. my wife gave birth to our 2nd child 8 weeks ago and because of covid her parents weren't able to meet the baby. they finally got permission to travel and drove up here a week ago to stay with us. all was good as per usual for the first while until 2 nights ago. mil and fil were watching the news about statue removals and making tsk-ing noises, talking to me and my wife trying to get us to agree that its ridiculous. i strongly disagreed and told them so but was very careful in arguing the facts as i saw them, rather than anything ad hominem. it seemed like we had gotten to the 'agree to disagree' part of the conversation and i left it at that. but an hour or two later when i went downstairs she jumped on me, accusing me of calling her a racist among some other terrible stuff and getting truly hysterical. i spent about 30 min staying very calm and trying to deescalate a ridiculous situation. i apologised if she inferred the above in any way from what i said, but i was adamant that i didn't say or do any of it. she got more and more worked up regardless and ended up screaming in my face. eventually i could hold myself back no more and i started shouting too. insisted that this was my house and regardless of how she feels about my views she'll behave decently and show me some respect. it all culminated in my shouting 'i dont think you're a racist but i do think you're fucking insane'. i really, really wanted to throw them out at that point but i didn't. anyway, she eventually calmed down and i think started to realise the shitshow she'd caused over absolutely nothing and thoroughly regretting it. yesterday she sheepishly came into my office and said 'i'm sorry if i misinterpreted anything you said', which to me is quite the half-assed apology. i told her we're gone through this cycle before, its unacceptable to verbally abuse me like that in my own home to the point i feel quite traumatized (completely true even if it makes me soft) and that while i appreciate her trying to apologize (literally the first i've ever heard from her) i would from now on only be polite for the sake of my wife and her relationship with my kids but that's where it ends. she said ok, and left the room, apparently to go cry. my wife was fantastic throughout this whole thing, had my back and defended me to the hilt. but... she feels i should have just pretended to accept the apology and act like everything is fine for her sake and the sake of the tense current atmosphere. i feel like mil has never had to face any consequences for her outbursts and behavior and i don't feel like shredding my sanity and self-respect to enable her anymore. so, aita? [/INST] nta an apology needs to contain at a minimum: a statement of what you did, an acknowledgement of the harm that action caused, and a plan for making things right or preventing future harm. > 'i'm sorry if i misinterpreted anything you said' does not even say what the person did wrong. you handled the non-apology about as adulty as possible. </s>
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AITA for reporting my sons risk taking behaviour to the medical council?
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one of my sons is in his mid twenties, a recently qualified doctor and has seemingly no regard for his own life. my other son showed me his youtube channel (fake name, face covered etc but it's without question his poorly hidden voice) where he's recorded himself doing idiotic things such as 100mph wheelies on his motorbike at an abandoned airfield 30 miles from my house (which i hated him getting in the first place), pull ups from 20 storey buildings, jumping gaps between buildings etc. i was obviously shocked and terrified for his health, brought it up with him at which point he told me it was none of his business what he did in his spared time and he's only risking his own health. we argued about it for months, which ended in me threatening to tell my countries medical council. he acted unphased by this and since nothing else was getting anywhere with him, i did in the end report him.
he's refused to speak to me since although according to brother it looks like he isn't going to face a permanent ban or anything, just a stern telling off (like i hoped would happen). wife is on my side but rest of family are staying out of, although i feel as if it goes without saying i'm in the right considering i reported when nothing would get through to him apart from the threat of losing his job. aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fvfd3w/aita_for_reporting_my_sons_risk_taking_behaviour/
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2020-04-05 15:19:46
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yta dude. did you really fail as a parent so badly you want the medical board to try and play babysitter to your grown adult, 20-something year old son? does this affect his job/work in any way? no, it doesn’t. you would rather risk his job than let him enjoy his life doing things he enjoys?
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yta
how does his actions on a motorcycle in his free time impact his ability to practice medicine?
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yta. your son is an adult with a high-pressured job. so he enjoys doing extreme sports. he isn't hurting anyone. it's none of your business and you crossed the line. you were unhappy with him so you called up his work and jeopardise his position. i am surprised if he ever wants to have anything to do with you again.
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lemme get this straight you reported him because he’s an adrenaline junkie? he’s out there doing crazy stuff that would injure himself but not injure his patients..
yta
his hobbies and thrill have nothing to do with his job. yes the stuff he does is intense but you risked his job what he worked for.
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yta. he may be an idiot for risking his life, but you had no right to do this as it doesnt affect his job performance. there's a good chance that you've made him even more determined to do this. you'll probably have to resign yourself to the fact that he'll die young, though.
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yta. what is reporting him going to acomplish? are they going to have a sit down with him and let him know that they care about his wellbeing and want him to take better care of himself? no? he'll lose his job possibly, he'll resent you, he will still have no reason to stop taking risks. what do you think this was going to accomplish?
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yta and please seek help for your controlling behavior. your adult son has high risk hobbies for sure but his behavior isn’t abnormal, yours on the other hand is very much abnormal. what would you have done if he had lost his job? he may not ever forgive you for this and i don’t blame him
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if he was screaming personal information about his patients in-between his *hardcore parkour* then you would be nta.
unfortunately that doesn't seem to be the case.... you did this knowing it could harm his profession **as a fucking doctor**.
yta.
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yta. and definitely way to much time on your hands and possibly way to controling of your adult son. when my mother freaked about me skydiving i amped up my love for it.. he could be doing way worse things get over it and mind your own business.
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yta.
everything you listed (aside from being dangerous and stupid) does not have any relation to his job.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.024 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: one of my sons is in his mid twenties, a recently qualified doctor and has seemingly no regard for his own life. my other son showed me his youtube channel (fake name, face covered etc but it's without question his poorly hidden voice) where he's recorded himself doing idiotic things such as 100mph wheelies on his motorbike at an abandoned airfield 30 miles from my house (which i hated him getting in the first place), pull ups from 20 storey buildings, jumping gaps between buildings etc. i was obviously shocked and terrified for his health, brought it up with him at which point he told me it was none of his business what he did in his spared time and he's only risking his own health. we argued about it for months, which ended in me threatening to tell my countries medical council. he acted unphased by this and since nothing else was getting anywhere with him, i did in the end report him. he's refused to speak to me since although according to brother it looks like he isn't going to face a permanent ban or anything, just a stern telling off (like i hoped would happen). wife is on my side but rest of family are staying out of, although i feel as if it goes without saying i'm in the right considering i reported when nothing would get through to him apart from the threat of losing his job. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
one of my sons is in his mid twenties, a recently qualified doctor and has seemingly no regard for his own life. my other son showed me his youtube channel (fake name, face covered etc but it's without question his poorly hidden voice) where he's recorded himself doing idiotic things such as 100mph wheelies on his motorbike at an abandoned airfield 30 miles from my house (which i hated him getting in the first place), pull ups from 20 storey buildings, jumping gaps between buildings etc. i was obviously shocked and terrified for his health, brought it up with him at which point he told me it was none of his business what he did in his spared time and he's only risking his own health. we argued about it for months, which ended in me threatening to tell my countries medical council. he acted unphased by this and since nothing else was getting anywhere with him, i did in the end report him. he's refused to speak to me since although according to brother it looks like he isn't going to face a permanent ban or anything, just a stern telling off (like i hoped would happen). wife is on my side but rest of family are staying out of, although i feel as if it goes without saying i'm in the right considering i reported when nothing would get through to him apart from the threat of losing his job. aita? [/INST] yta dude. did you really fail as a parent so badly you want the medical board to try and play babysitter to your grown adult, 20-something year old son? does this affect his job/work in any way? no, it doesn’t. you would rather risk his job than let him enjoy his life doing things he enjoys? </s>
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AITA for mistaking I was in the wrong bathroom?
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i [23m] was on my way to visit a friend and i had to stop at a mall to use the bathroom. i walk down this hallway into the bathroom and walk into the men's. when i came inside i saw someone putting on make-up in the mirror. i thought 'shit, did i enter the wrong bathroom?' and turn to walk out, but then realize that i did enter the men's bathroom and then heard "yeah, you entered the men's bathroom, men put on makeup too!" from this makeup guy [mg]. i say "oh alright sorry", and then i start to use the facilities. when i finish i go to wash my hands and mg leaves. on his way out he says, "i hoped you learned something today. that was very ignorant." i turn around and say 'im sorry, i really don't-' and mg says over me "that's just ignorant".
i really didn't mean anything by it. i just thought i had walked into the wrong bathroom. i'm bad at talking to people in situations like this so maybe he misunderstood something? or did i do something wrong? aita?
| 483 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dw4d5i/aita_for_mistaking_i_was_in_the_wrong_bathroom/
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2019-11-14 04:43:27
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nta - he was a dick, you simply misunderstood. i'd say that 99% of the time you walk into a bathroom and see someone putting on make, probably the girls bathroom.
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nta. this is him: "i'm subverting gender norms and if anyone is the least bit surprised or confused i will attack them!" he should have been more graceful.
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nta- you never implied that men couldn't wear makeup. your gut reaction in that situation was to leave, and that's perfectly fine, especially had you been in the wrong bathroom after all. he's just looking for reasons to be mad at everyone.
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nta there were no assholes until he called you ignorant. there was no need to be ta about it on his end. you apologized and that should have been enough. mc is ta not you.
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nta.
i have quite simply, never walked into a mens restroom in my life to a guy putting on makeup. i have on a few occasions, walked into the wrong gender restroom on accident, or even opened a mens bathroom door/stall that wasnt locked and had somebody in there. the natural reaction when you walk in somewhere that you suddenly think is wrong is to leave. you did what you thought was right based on 100% of your prior experiences.
can you imagine if it was the womens room and a woman and you just continued on and went into a stall? she wouldve been freaked out and if you responded "oh you couldve been a guy, guys wear makeup too", you wouldve been looked at like you're crazy.
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nta...too many people are just looking for a reason to be angry. you did nothing wrong.
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nta, 99% of men don’t wear make up
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nta. my girlfriend gets second glances all the time when we come out of the girls bathroom. she just says, "you're in the right bathroom" and reassures them. often times when the other person apologizes she tells them it's ok and just holds the door open or smiles and moves on.
he was the asshole in this situation. even if you did sound ignorant, but by the sounds of your side of the story i don't think so, he could educate without being a dick or sarcastic.
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nta society as a whole is still accepting and getting used to the fact that men wear makeup. i don't think you assuming that it was a woman was with malicious intent. i guess it is a little "ignorant" but i wouldn't call you an asshole if i had witnessed it.
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this hit close to home. i once walked into the women's bathrooms to see at first glance a dude in there and just turned and walked out. looked at the sign outside and was like... "errrrr..." and came back in without saying anything.
...turns out there was a dude in there, but pre-op ftm transgender dude and the company hadn't put in the whole bathroom policy yet at the time.
luckily he said he was pleased he passed and laughed about it, but it could have been super awkward.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i [23m] was on my way to visit a friend and i had to stop at a mall to use the bathroom. i walk down this hallway into the bathroom and walk into the men's. when i came inside i saw someone putting on make-up in the mirror. i thought 'shit, did i enter the wrong bathroom?' and turn to walk out, but then realize that i did enter the men's bathroom and then heard "yeah, you entered the men's bathroom, men put on makeup too!" from this makeup guy [mg]. i say "oh alright sorry", and then i start to use the facilities. when i finish i go to wash my hands and mg leaves. on his way out he says, "i hoped you learned something today. that was very ignorant." i turn around and say 'im sorry, i really don't-' and mg says over me "that's just ignorant". i really didn't mean anything by it. i just thought i had walked into the wrong bathroom. i'm bad at talking to people in situations like this so maybe he misunderstood something? or did i do something wrong? aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i [23m] was on my way to visit a friend and i had to stop at a mall to use the bathroom. i walk down this hallway into the bathroom and walk into the men's. when i came inside i saw someone putting on make-up in the mirror. i thought 'shit, did i enter the wrong bathroom?' and turn to walk out, but then realize that i did enter the men's bathroom and then heard "yeah, you entered the men's bathroom, men put on makeup too!" from this makeup guy [mg]. i say "oh alright sorry", and then i start to use the facilities. when i finish i go to wash my hands and mg leaves. on his way out he says, "i hoped you learned something today. that was very ignorant." i turn around and say 'im sorry, i really don't-' and mg says over me "that's just ignorant". i really didn't mean anything by it. i just thought i had walked into the wrong bathroom. i'm bad at talking to people in situations like this so maybe he misunderstood something? or did i do something wrong? aita? [/INST] nta - he was a dick, you simply misunderstood. i'd say that 99% of the time you walk into a bathroom and see someone putting on make, probably the girls bathroom. </s>
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AITA for telling my pregnant wife she drinks too much coffee?
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she does a ton around the house, she's a great wife, giving a lot of herself. having said that i pointed to the the research showing the effects of consuming over 200mg caffeine, she's fuming mad. she claimed a cup of coffee has at most 150mg, she consumes two a day. last ultrasound of the baby showed high pressure in the baby's veins. she has diabetes from pregnancy though it's under control. i doubt she has told doctors about the actual amount of caffeine she consumes, because if covid i can't be with her during those appointments.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gv3uln/aita_for_telling_my_pregnant_wife_she_drinks_too/
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2020-06-02 09:03:32
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yta. gestational diabetes is caused by the placenta, it has absolutely nothing to do with blood pressure. but controlling gd does require strict attention to your diet, which is incredibly draining, so stfu and let her enjoy the one indulgence she has that isn't going to affect her blood sugar. she can't drink, she can't even have fruit salad or potato chips let alone actual chocolate, let her have the damn coffee!
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urm two mugs is fine. that's the healthy amount my doctor recommended to me when i fell pregnant 🤷🏻♀️
yta, if you're that concerned, get some advice from an actual gp and not doctor google.
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yeah you need to calm your farm dude. yta. my doctor (i had two different ones for each kid as one was born in the us and the other is aus) and both said that 2 cups of coffee a day was within the healthy range.
talk to your wife and find out what is actually going on instead of making assumptions and for the love of christ attend a check up with her then you won’t have to assume what she hasn’t told to what doctor. you’re the dad you’re allowed to be there!
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>consuming over 200mg caffeine, she's fuming mad. she claimed a cup of coffee has at most 150mg, she consumes two a day.
i highly recommend you google the amount of caffeine a cup of coffee has. your wife said at most, not it has that much. google will kindly provide a number without you even having to click on any articles, and it will be... 94.8mg for a cup. so two cups are actually below 200mg. she even has 10.4mg left for some variation in caffeine concentration.
if you don't believe your wife when she says two cups are fine, why do you take her statement of maximum numbers as a fact? her doctor most likely told her two cups are fine, as many have already pointed out, yet she needs to argue with her husband about being allowed a second cup of coffee. yta
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i drank a large coffee about every day for half my pregnancy my doctor wasn’t concerned yta for getting facts offline and not trusting your wife. do you really think she would harm the baby intentionally over a cup of coffee
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yta
first if all, there is no link between gestational diabetes and caffeine intake. second, the "200 mg" is a conservative guideline, not a hard and fast rule. the risk for pregnancy is a very flimsy link to increased miscarriage rate. what you rarely hear is that there are confounding factors making the data even more difficult to interpret, specifically regarding nausea. women that experience morning sickness having lower risk of miscarriage (unclear as to why that is the case). women who are nauseous tend to drink less coffee. therefore women with lower rates of miscarriage tend to drink less coffee. it is fucking hard to interpret all the data, but maybe just let your wife listen to her doctor instead of policing her actions. i garuntee she has done more research into what is safe for her to consume during pregnancy than you have, and is not taking this shit lightly.
signed, a pretty pissed off pregnant lady that also does not take this shit lightly
and for anyone out there that would like a more measured, non-inflammatory, data driven look at pregnancy safety, i'd highly recommend emily oster's book "expecting better"
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>i doubt she has told doctors about the actual amount of caffeine she consumes
info: have you asked her what she's told the doctors?
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info: when you say two cups, do you mean two mugs of coffee or two venti starbucks cups?
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yta stop being controlling
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yta, plain and simple. i’m pregnant with my second child and my ob told me two cups would be fine (i drink one because i also love to eat a bit of chocolate daily). i did the same thing for my first pregnancy and everything was fine.
stop policing her like a child and talk to your wife’s doctor to get all the facts if you’re that concerned. google doesn’t count.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: she does a ton around the house, she's a great wife, giving a lot of herself. having said that i pointed to the the research showing the effects of consuming over 200mg caffeine, she's fuming mad. she claimed a cup of coffee has at most 150mg, she consumes two a day. last ultrasound of the baby showed high pressure in the baby's veins. she has diabetes from pregnancy though it's under control. i doubt she has told doctors about the actual amount of caffeine she consumes, because if covid i can't be with her during those appointments.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
she does a ton around the house, she's a great wife, giving a lot of herself. having said that i pointed to the the research showing the effects of consuming over 200mg caffeine, she's fuming mad. she claimed a cup of coffee has at most 150mg, she consumes two a day. last ultrasound of the baby showed high pressure in the baby's veins. she has diabetes from pregnancy though it's under control. i doubt she has told doctors about the actual amount of caffeine she consumes, because if covid i can't be with her during those appointments. [/INST] yta. gestational diabetes is caused by the placenta, it has absolutely nothing to do with blood pressure. but controlling gd does require strict attention to your diet, which is incredibly draining, so stfu and let her enjoy the one indulgence she has that isn't going to affect her blood sugar. she can't drink, she can't even have fruit salad or potato chips let alone actual chocolate, let her have the damn coffee! </s>
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AITA for "denying" my coworker her breakfast ?
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so the situation i am talking was pre-covid but because the topic still come-up (with quite animosity). i wanna have neutral opinions of the matter (also english is not my first language, sorry for any mistakes).
one of my co-workers (d) comes to the office quite late (+10am) and eat her breakfast at her desk. i have no problem with and it's not my business. one day, i was having a pretty bad stomach flu but i also had to finish some work so i kept coming to the office. d came late as usual, and a minute later the smell in the office was awful. it was so nasty that it made me run to the toilets and throw up. turns out, d was eating a toast with smoked salmon and camember, so combo wombo smell. other coworkers were very annoyed and were upset with my coworker because the office is quite small, we can't open the windows (company policy) and that week we had a problem with the ventilator. at some points, they complained that the smell was so bad that it made me throw up, and that she should've eaten her breakfast at home (her tardiness has caused work problems with a lot of people). i just responded that whether i was sick or not, the smell was annoying for everybody (honestly i said it without thinking much). my coworker didn't like it and told me that i was an asshole and that she is free to eat her breakfast whenever she want. at some point i was so sick i couldn't really think about it and just carried on with my work.
she may be right that i am the asshole for maybe insinuating that what she was eating was nasty smelling (i did not comment on what she ate because i love smoked salmon and camember). so am i the asshole in this situation ?
smoll edit : for the people who are saying how dare you come in sick and contaminate people and puke in the workplace and on my co workers (??) i will provide some context :
- i was mislead by my coworkers into believing that the manager was against taking sick leaves especially for “small coughing that will pass uwu”, and as a new hire i was afraid of taking them. turned out my manager was chill about it but i also got f***ed nicely on my bonus (because he didn’t feel my “engagement” in the work)
- at the time, i didn’t have a co worker cover for my work and i had deadlines to meet so it was this or risking losing clients. i did talk with my manager about it (especially with the current situation) and said he will work on it.
- i did leave the office after finishing my work. after 4 hours waiting in the hospital turned out it was stomach flu and i took my prescription.
for those who have a better healthcare system and better workplace conditions, good for you.
| 703 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/klshtb/aita_for_denying_my_coworker_her_breakfast/
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2020-12-28 15:28:32
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yta for coming into a shared workspace with a stomach flu and vomiting!
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esh
you for going to work sick and possibly infecting others
your colleague for eating strongly smelling stuff
your employer for not adressing the problems your colleagues tardiness has caused
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nta. everyone knows it's extremely rude to eat fish in an office environment because the smell alone. please tell me they didn't heat it up in the microwave. people like this don't seem to understand that fish is almost always an extremely smelly dish, especially when it's not fresh.
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esh. she absolutely should not be subjecting her co-workers to such strong smelling food, and you should not have been at work sick.
i hate being in an enclosed space with foul smelling food, but not as much as i hate getting sick because my co-workers insist on bringing their illness to the office.
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nta. office is place for work, not for eating fish. what is this? office space
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nta you do not bring smelly food to the office. that's office courtesy 101. that's also how you lose the ability to eat at your desk, when people complain about it, so management/hr start establishing policies to "fix" the problem, because they won't actually talk to the one person causing it.
just remind her, when everyone loses the privilege to eat at their desks, that it was her fault for not being considerate of others.
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nta. you didn't deliberately throw up, and you didn't say she did.
in an office setting where there are no private spaces or there are shared spaces, you have to be considerate of everyone. she doesn't have to eat fish for her meal- there are other options. if she's hellbent on eating fish, she can eat at home or eat outside. if she insists on eating inside, she can eat something less smelly.
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nta. she was ruining it for everybody. "she's free to eat breakfast whenever she wants". well couldn't she have had her smelly breakfast someplace else then?
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nta. last i checked, she should be working instead of coming in late to eat breakfast at work.
if she comes in so late, wth does she do at home before work?? does she at least stay late at the office to compensate?
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nta
where ever i have worked in my life, it was common sense to not eat smelly foods in an office. if people were not able to use common sense, it was a company policy shortly after.
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.193649 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so the situation i am talking was pre-covid but because the topic still come-up (with quite animosity). i wanna have neutral opinions of the matter (also english is not my first language, sorry for any mistakes). one of my co-workers (d) comes to the office quite late (+10am) and eat her breakfast at her desk. i have no problem with and it's not my business. one day, i was having a pretty bad stomach flu but i also had to finish some work so i kept coming to the office. d came late as usual, and a minute later the smell in the office was awful. it was so nasty that it made me run to the toilets and throw up. turns out, d was eating a toast with smoked salmon and camember, so combo wombo smell. other coworkers were very annoyed and were upset with my coworker because the office is quite small, we can't open the windows (company policy) and that week we had a problem with the ventilator. at some points, they complained that the smell was so bad that it made me throw up, and that she should've eaten her breakfast at home (her tardiness has caused work problems with a lot of people). i just responded that whether i was sick or not, the smell was annoying for everybody (honestly i said it without thinking much). my coworker didn't like it and told me that i was an asshole and that she is free to eat her breakfast whenever she want. at some point i was so sick i couldn't really think about it and just carried on with my work. she may be right that i am the asshole for maybe insinuating that what she was eating was nasty smelling (i did not comment on what she ate because i love smoked salmon and camember). so am i the asshole in this situation ? smoll edit : for the people who are saying how dare you come in sick and contaminate people and puke in the workplace and on my co workers (??) i will provide some context : - i was mislead by my coworkers into believing that the manager was against taking sick leaves especially for “small coughing that will pass uwu”, and as a new hire i was afraid of taking them. turned out my manager was chill about it but i also got f***ed nicely on my bonus (because he didn’t feel my “engagement” in the work) - at the time, i didn’t have a co worker cover for my work and i had deadlines to meet so it was this or risking losing clients. i did talk with my manager about it (especially with the current situation) and said he will work on it. - i did leave the office after finishing my work. after 4 hours waiting in the hospital turned out it was stomach flu and i took my prescription. for those who have a better healthcare system and better workplace conditions, good for you.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so the situation i am talking was pre-covid but because the topic still come-up (with quite animosity). i wanna have neutral opinions of the matter (also english is not my first language, sorry for any mistakes). one of my co-workers (d) comes to the office quite late (+10am) and eat her breakfast at her desk. i have no problem with and it's not my business. one day, i was having a pretty bad stomach flu but i also had to finish some work so i kept coming to the office. d came late as usual, and a minute later the smell in the office was awful. it was so nasty that it made me run to the toilets and throw up. turns out, d was eating a toast with smoked salmon and camember, so combo wombo smell. other coworkers were very annoyed and were upset with my coworker because the office is quite small, we can't open the windows (company policy) and that week we had a problem with the ventilator. at some points, they complained that the smell was so bad that it made me throw up, and that she should've eaten her breakfast at home (her tardiness has caused work problems with a lot of people). i just responded that whether i was sick or not, the smell was annoying for everybody (honestly i said it without thinking much). my coworker didn't like it and told me that i was an asshole and that she is free to eat her breakfast whenever she want. at some point i was so sick i couldn't really think about it and just carried on with my work. she may be right that i am the asshole for maybe insinuating that what she was eating was nasty smelling (i did not comment on what she ate because i love smoked salmon and camember). so am i the asshole in this situation ? smoll edit : for the people who are saying how dare you come in sick and contaminate people and puke in the workplace and on my co workers (??) i will provide some context : - i was mislead by my coworkers into believing that the manager was against taking sick leaves especially for “small coughing that will pass uwu”, and as a new hire i was afraid of taking them. turned out my manager was chill about it but i also got f***ed nicely on my bonus (because he didn’t feel my “engagement” in the work) - at the time, i didn’t have a co worker cover for my work and i had deadlines to meet so it was this or risking losing clients. i did talk with my manager about it (especially with the current situation) and said he will work on it. - i did leave the office after finishing my work. after 4 hours waiting in the hospital turned out it was stomach flu and i took my prescription. for those who have a better healthcare system and better workplace conditions, good for you. [/INST] yta for coming into a shared workspace with a stomach flu and vomiting! </s>
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AITA for letting my boyfriend come over even though my roomate wears a hijab?
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i live with 4 roommates and one of them is muslim and wears a hijab, and that's awesome, i wouldn't even dream of saying it isn't her choice. she doesn't wear it at home of course since we're all girls and one guy, and that guy is her boyfriend and he stays with her in their room. she wears it when she's going out or when men except for her boyfriend come over.
absolutely none of us have a problem with it. her boyfriend is a little messy and loud and sometimes sarcastic enough to irritate people, but it's okay it's nothing bad. he eats our food sometimes and although it's frustrating i'm not gonna pick a fight over it. i started dating someone a month ago and he's been coming over often. almost everyday. we usually stick to my room except for when we're cooking or sitting in the living room. my roomate is wearing a hijab at home since he's coming over and i didn't notice that until she and her boyfriend confronted me about it after my boyfriend left yesterday night.
they said it's very frustrating for my roomate to have to wear a hijab 24x7 when my boyfriend is home and that they want me to restrict him coming over to twice a week. i said that's ridiculous because her annoying ass boyfriend is here every single day and none of us complain. so why should my boyfriend not be allowed over? she said i'm disrespecting her and that it's wrong of me to expect her to wear a hijab 24x7. i told her i'll be bringing my boyfriend over whenever i want and she doesn't have a say in it.
they've been trying to convince me that what i'm doing is horrible and rude and idk what to think. am i being racist and wrong? it's not my fault she has to cover up, why should she be allowed to have her boyfriend with her but the rest of us have to suffer?
| 12,437 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t0e164/aita_for_letting_my_boyfriend_come_over_even/
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2022-02-24 15:43:51
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nta - setting boundaries for how often guests can be over is an important part of living in a roommate situation, and it's perfectly reasonable for you to assume that since she has her boyfriend over daily, you are all welcome to have guests daily. if she wants to change it, that's a conversation to be had: but it needs to apply to everyone, including her. so if guys can only come over twice a week, that applys to her partner too. she cannot expect you to conform to her religious beliefs in how you conduct your social life - she's welcome to wear her hijab or not, but you are under no obligation to work around her clothing requirements.
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nta. isn’t she violating her own rules by having her boyfriend see her without the hijab, let along having him in her bedroom? i’m pretty sure that most strict muslims would have a serious problem with what she’s doing, which is having relations with a man and not being married to him. in other words, she’s a hypocrite.
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nta at all!!
none practicing muslim here and the first thing that ticked me off is that her boyfriend is allowed in her house and she takes off her hijab for him? excuse me but as far as i know, until you are absolutely married under the eyes of god by a hoca (muslim priest) with the blessing of your father than her boyfriend is no different from yours and she should be wearing that hijab 24/7 when her boyfriend is in the house too. also i bet her family doesn't even know he comes over. so sin on top of sin. she is wrong to ask you not to bring your boyfriend over. as a general rule, if one is allowed then all should be and she should be respecting your lifestyle as you respect her hypocritical one... elhamdülillah!
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nta. this is called unreasonable expectations. she has the right to practice her beliefs. that doesn’t mean that she can control your actions. i don’t eat beef for religious reasons. that doesn’t mean that i will restrict someone that pays rent and is a roommate to cook beef at our place. she wears the hijab so it is her issue to deal with.
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no one who genuinely cares about hijab would have a boyfriend who they take it off in front of. that boyfriend is no different in the eyes of the religion than a stranger off the street. the only way i could understand her pov is if she is actually nikkah’d with him and they’ve chosen to just call him a boyfriend to avoid saying he is her husband. more likely thing is that she is an asshole and a hypocrite. nta
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lmao! having a boyfriend is haraam! no boys, yours or hers!
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nta.
exactly how religiously observant is she claiming to be if she's already letting a man who isn't her husband out a family member see her with her hijab off? that's quite the double standard.
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nta
first of one roommate wants to impose restrictions on male guests - the restrictions must apply to all male guests. no exceptions.
second - you are not forcing her to wear a hijab 24/7 her beliefs are.
she lives in a multi-belief setting which means unfortunately she can’t control what everyone else does. if she wants to live somewhere she can control things like this she needs to find a full muslim household that is required to follow her beliefs fully just the same as she (which however probably won’t work as my understanding is she’d still have to cover around their boyfriends and they hers)
if she wants fairness then she has to give it which means whatever limits she wants on your boyfriends visits will also apply to her boyfriends limits.
do not back down
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nta. it’s muslims like these that give us a bad name. next time she talks shit ask her why it’s ok for her to have a bf as having pre marital relationships is a big sin?
sis can’t cherry pick the quran verses to follow. if she wants to be progressive about having a bf she should shut up about your bf being there.
if she wants to adhere to islamic notions of modesty she should break up with her bf and stop going out without a mehram accompanying her.
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nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i live with 4 roommates and one of them is muslim and wears a hijab, and that's awesome, i wouldn't even dream of saying it isn't her choice. she doesn't wear it at home of course since we're all girls and one guy, and that guy is her boyfriend and he stays with her in their room. she wears it when she's going out or when men except for her boyfriend come over. absolutely none of us have a problem with it. her boyfriend is a little messy and loud and sometimes sarcastic enough to irritate people, but it's okay it's nothing bad. he eats our food sometimes and although it's frustrating i'm not gonna pick a fight over it. i started dating someone a month ago and he's been coming over often. almost everyday. we usually stick to my room except for when we're cooking or sitting in the living room. my roomate is wearing a hijab at home since he's coming over and i didn't notice that until she and her boyfriend confronted me about it after my boyfriend left yesterday night. they said it's very frustrating for my roomate to have to wear a hijab 24x7 when my boyfriend is home and that they want me to restrict him coming over to twice a week. i said that's ridiculous because her annoying ass boyfriend is here every single day and none of us complain. so why should my boyfriend not be allowed over? she said i'm disrespecting her and that it's wrong of me to expect her to wear a hijab 24x7. i told her i'll be bringing my boyfriend over whenever i want and she doesn't have a say in it. they've been trying to convince me that what i'm doing is horrible and rude and idk what to think. am i being racist and wrong? it's not my fault she has to cover up, why should she be allowed to have her boyfriend with her but the rest of us have to suffer?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i live with 4 roommates and one of them is muslim and wears a hijab, and that's awesome, i wouldn't even dream of saying it isn't her choice. she doesn't wear it at home of course since we're all girls and one guy, and that guy is her boyfriend and he stays with her in their room. she wears it when she's going out or when men except for her boyfriend come over. absolutely none of us have a problem with it. her boyfriend is a little messy and loud and sometimes sarcastic enough to irritate people, but it's okay it's nothing bad. he eats our food sometimes and although it's frustrating i'm not gonna pick a fight over it. i started dating someone a month ago and he's been coming over often. almost everyday. we usually stick to my room except for when we're cooking or sitting in the living room. my roomate is wearing a hijab at home since he's coming over and i didn't notice that until she and her boyfriend confronted me about it after my boyfriend left yesterday night. they said it's very frustrating for my roomate to have to wear a hijab 24x7 when my boyfriend is home and that they want me to restrict him coming over to twice a week. i said that's ridiculous because her annoying ass boyfriend is here every single day and none of us complain. so why should my boyfriend not be allowed over? she said i'm disrespecting her and that it's wrong of me to expect her to wear a hijab 24x7. i told her i'll be bringing my boyfriend over whenever i want and she doesn't have a say in it. they've been trying to convince me that what i'm doing is horrible and rude and idk what to think. am i being racist and wrong? it's not my fault she has to cover up, why should she be allowed to have her boyfriend with her but the rest of us have to suffer? [/INST] nta - setting boundaries for how often guests can be over is an important part of living in a roommate situation, and it's perfectly reasonable for you to assume that since she has her boyfriend over daily, you are all welcome to have guests daily. if she wants to change it, that's a conversation to be had: but it needs to apply to everyone, including her. so if guys can only come over twice a week, that applys to her partner too. she cannot expect you to conform to her religious beliefs in how you conduct your social life - she's welcome to wear her hijab or not, but you are under no obligation to work around her clothing requirements. </s>
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AITA - For refusing to help out Wife's friend
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so my wife and i (both 40's) have a friend who lives fairly close by to us, over the years we have helped out this friend numerous times with money, childcare, transport, advice, support and i have probably done more diy at her house than mine. now apart from possibly giving advice/support (idk) to my wife this has never been reciprocated, basically because we didn't ever need anything from her.
to the issue, mid-december my wife is planning a last minute trip home to her mother before xmas, i for once am unable to take her to the train station, so she face-timed friend to ask if she could take her, she asked and friend said 'no', nothing else, no further explanation at all, and wife moves onto other subjects. now i've been on reddit for a while, so i know that 'no' is a complete sentence, but this really rubbed me the wrong way. i'm a firm believer in treat people how you wish to be treated, but sometimes you just need to treat people how they treat you.
so i have, i've stopped offering help and refused any requests that have been passed on by my wife (5 so far). now my wife isn't stupid and knows why i'm doing this and says i'm an asshole because she was just trying to be assertive and has other people in her life who take advantage of her. i'm refusing to budge.
| 845 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rxi4wy/aita_for_refusing_to_help_out_wifes_friend/
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2022-01-06 16:09:51
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nta and you're trying to be assertive because she's taking advantage of you. works both ways.
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nta - you reap what you sow. next time she asks you for
> money, childcare, transport, advice, support and i have probably done more diy at her house than mine.
just say "no" and move on to the next subject.
friendship is a two-way street.
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nta
op, i love that you aren't even seeking out her answer. in the end, what's the point? you know what obligations you and the wife have moved around for her, and that's all that matters. keep your answers short and sweet. and it doesn't get any shorter or sweeter than 'no'.
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>she was just trying to be assertive and has other people in her life who take advantage of her
if she can't tell the difference between friends who help her and people who use her, she has a problem. if she felt the need to practice on "safe" people, then, i guess that's fine, but doesn't mean that she gets free pass back to usertown.
nta
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i want to know why she said no!
nta and that’s a complete sentence too.
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nta - but was the timeframe very short? was she possibly already doing something that couldn't be moved around? like bringing a kid to school or commuting herself?
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>she was just trying to be assertive and has other people in her life who take advantage of her.
and the same can be said for you. whats good for her is good for you. nta
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nta
could be a good reason she couldn't do it, you have no way of knowing.
as you say, "no is a complete sentence", she'll likely be hearing that sentence a lot in future. 😂
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[deleted]
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>she was just trying to be assertive and has other people in her life who take advantage of her.
but you aren't those people. she's refusing a small favor from someone who has done lots of things for her? she's flexing her assertiveness in the wrong direction. she needs an attitude adjustment.
nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my wife and i (both 40's) have a friend who lives fairly close by to us, over the years we have helped out this friend numerous times with money, childcare, transport, advice, support and i have probably done more diy at her house than mine. now apart from possibly giving advice/support (idk) to my wife this has never been reciprocated, basically because we didn't ever need anything from her. to the issue, mid-december my wife is planning a last minute trip home to her mother before xmas, i for once am unable to take her to the train station, so she face-timed friend to ask if she could take her, she asked and friend said 'no', nothing else, no further explanation at all, and wife moves onto other subjects. now i've been on reddit for a while, so i know that 'no' is a complete sentence, but this really rubbed me the wrong way. i'm a firm believer in treat people how you wish to be treated, but sometimes you just need to treat people how they treat you. so i have, i've stopped offering help and refused any requests that have been passed on by my wife (5 so far). now my wife isn't stupid and knows why i'm doing this and says i'm an asshole because she was just trying to be assertive and has other people in her life who take advantage of her. i'm refusing to budge.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my wife and i (both 40's) have a friend who lives fairly close by to us, over the years we have helped out this friend numerous times with money, childcare, transport, advice, support and i have probably done more diy at her house than mine. now apart from possibly giving advice/support (idk) to my wife this has never been reciprocated, basically because we didn't ever need anything from her. to the issue, mid-december my wife is planning a last minute trip home to her mother before xmas, i for once am unable to take her to the train station, so she face-timed friend to ask if she could take her, she asked and friend said 'no', nothing else, no further explanation at all, and wife moves onto other subjects. now i've been on reddit for a while, so i know that 'no' is a complete sentence, but this really rubbed me the wrong way. i'm a firm believer in treat people how you wish to be treated, but sometimes you just need to treat people how they treat you. so i have, i've stopped offering help and refused any requests that have been passed on by my wife (5 so far). now my wife isn't stupid and knows why i'm doing this and says i'm an asshole because she was just trying to be assertive and has other people in her life who take advantage of her. i'm refusing to budge. [/INST] nta and you're trying to be assertive because she's taking advantage of you. works both ways. </s>
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AITA for doing some things with my friends when my girlfriend says no?
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recently my girlfriend and i had a discussion because i told her i’d like her to come boating with my family once she’s comfortable enough around all of them (mind you, we’ve been together for almost two years but i still respect that she isn’t always the most comfortable around other people).
in response, she started telling me that every time she says no to doing something like that, i just turn around and find someone else to do it with. i agreed because yes, when she tells me she doesn’t want to do something i enjoy, i don’t feel as though i should refrain from doing it all together and i ask a friend.
she told me she felt like i was replacing her because we would have fun doing these things if she was comfortable, and she told me how much it hurt the first time i “replaced” her. there has never been any negative intention behind asking one of my friends if they’d like to do something my girlfriend refused to do with me previously. of course, i don’t mean romantic outings, but things such as going to a festival or going boating/tubing; just general enjoyable activities.
i apologized many times and didn’t try to argue, and she continued to tell me how i was in the wrong, and that it “isn’t fair to her” that i go and do these things with my friends after she says no to doing them with me. i’ve never been disloyal to her so i can’t assume it would be a trust problem. i just want some input here because i really don’t want to hurt her.
this is the first post i’ve made and i feel like it may not have been very clearly written so here’s an example if needed:
one time i asked her if she wanted to come over and go tubing with my family and i, and she refused, told me she wasn’t comfortable with my family. and i told her that was fine because i understood. i still wanted to go, so i called a good friend of mine and told them they were more than welcome to come if they wanted to, and they did. she was upset because after she refused, i asked someone else.
anyway, aita for doing things with my friends that my girlfriend doesn’t want to do?
i’d really like it to be known that i don’t go out much, but every time i do, i invite her first. she is always my first choice and she almost always says no. i would also like it to be known that i’m posting this here because i struggle with mild autism and sometimes i do things or say things that could be hurtful without realizing. i didn’t at all see how what i was doing was hurtful or disloyal towards her, and i very much appreciate outside and unbiased opinions on the situation.
| 672 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gqe565/aita_for_doing_some_things_with_my_friends_when/
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2020-05-25 16:32:24
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nta
if she doesn’t wanna do it with you, then go have fun with friends who want to
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nta she is manipulative if she's guilting you into not having fun with other people
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nta
dump your gf.
she basically wants you to not do anything she doesnt like to do. she is trying to control you, and is guilting you now to try to get you to stop doing things you enjoy.
my husband enjoys stuff that i don't, and he still does them with his friends. why would i want to keep him from enjoying things. i even suck it up sometimes and go.
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nta. i'm so sorry to be the one to tell you this but your girlfriend is manipulating you. whether it's intentional or not, though i seriously doubt that it's not intentional. what she is doing is not healthy. it is perfectly fine to ask your girlfriend to hang out and then if she says no for you to still have a social life. you are allowed to have friends and family members. a good partner would not want to separate you from your friends and family members or control you. what she is doing is a form of abuse.
personally, i'm not super social. big events can be exhausting for me. however, if my partner is going to something i don't want to go to, i tell them to have fun on the way out the door. as long as you're being safe, what you're doing isn't really her concern and she should be supportive.
also, cutting you off from your friends and family by trying to prevent you from hanging out with them and also not taking a vested interest in if not trying to be a part of their lives, at least being cordial to them, is also a form of manipulation and just all-around rude. by the way o p, i'm also on the spectrum. it took me a really long time to learn whenever people are being disingenuous and what i can do to help protect myself. my heart goes out to you.
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nta. if she doesn't want to do something, that's fine. what's not fine is expecting you to i guess just not spend time doing things with your family. you can't because she doesn't want to? sorry mate, might be time to cut your losses.
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nta. your girlfriend needs to stop acting like a child.
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nta.
in a healthy relationship people are able to enjoy their hobbies with their friends. that's a perfectly normal thing to do.
does she ever suggest fun things for you guys to do?
is there a difference in your income levels?
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nta she is just being a control freak
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nta sounds like she wants to control your life, and forbid you from doing anything she doesn't like with anyone she doesn't like. no true friend would demand such restrictions.
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nta.
relationships are about individuals coming together out of mutual love and/or respect for each other.
as much as you might love each other, you alone are responsible for your happiness. you can receive support from loved ones if they have the capacity to help, but they’re not entitled to make you happy above their well-being.
op, i don’t usually like to jump to this, but this feels abusive. like she’s trying to isolate you.
your gf sounds like she has issues she should really be getting help for. it’s not that big a deal. most of us have issues.
the problem however is her whole mindset of - well i don’t want to or can’t do this with you and i don’t think you should do it either. that’s horrible, unhealthy and incredibly selfish.
getting help for your problems also involves taking ownership over the impact your actions have on your loved ones. and she doesn’t seem to care.
what does she actually want? you to stay miserable with her and supress yourself because of her inadequacies? and for what reason? what is there to gain by you doing that? why should you forfeit your happiness?
seems like a classic case of misery loving company. and for your own mental health, i think you should at the very least ask for space until she heals. personally i’d bin the whole relationship.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: recently my girlfriend and i had a discussion because i told her i’d like her to come boating with my family once she’s comfortable enough around all of them (mind you, we’ve been together for almost two years but i still respect that she isn’t always the most comfortable around other people). in response, she started telling me that every time she says no to doing something like that, i just turn around and find someone else to do it with. i agreed because yes, when she tells me she doesn’t want to do something i enjoy, i don’t feel as though i should refrain from doing it all together and i ask a friend. she told me she felt like i was replacing her because we would have fun doing these things if she was comfortable, and she told me how much it hurt the first time i “replaced” her. there has never been any negative intention behind asking one of my friends if they’d like to do something my girlfriend refused to do with me previously. of course, i don’t mean romantic outings, but things such as going to a festival or going boating/tubing; just general enjoyable activities. i apologized many times and didn’t try to argue, and she continued to tell me how i was in the wrong, and that it “isn’t fair to her” that i go and do these things with my friends after she says no to doing them with me. i’ve never been disloyal to her so i can’t assume it would be a trust problem. i just want some input here because i really don’t want to hurt her. this is the first post i’ve made and i feel like it may not have been very clearly written so here’s an example if needed: one time i asked her if she wanted to come over and go tubing with my family and i, and she refused, told me she wasn’t comfortable with my family. and i told her that was fine because i understood. i still wanted to go, so i called a good friend of mine and told them they were more than welcome to come if they wanted to, and they did. she was upset because after she refused, i asked someone else. anyway, aita for doing things with my friends that my girlfriend doesn’t want to do? i’d really like it to be known that i don’t go out much, but every time i do, i invite her first. she is always my first choice and she almost always says no. i would also like it to be known that i’m posting this here because i struggle with mild autism and sometimes i do things or say things that could be hurtful without realizing. i didn’t at all see how what i was doing was hurtful or disloyal towards her, and i very much appreciate outside and unbiased opinions on the situation.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
recently my girlfriend and i had a discussion because i told her i’d like her to come boating with my family once she’s comfortable enough around all of them (mind you, we’ve been together for almost two years but i still respect that she isn’t always the most comfortable around other people). in response, she started telling me that every time she says no to doing something like that, i just turn around and find someone else to do it with. i agreed because yes, when she tells me she doesn’t want to do something i enjoy, i don’t feel as though i should refrain from doing it all together and i ask a friend. she told me she felt like i was replacing her because we would have fun doing these things if she was comfortable, and she told me how much it hurt the first time i “replaced” her. there has never been any negative intention behind asking one of my friends if they’d like to do something my girlfriend refused to do with me previously. of course, i don’t mean romantic outings, but things such as going to a festival or going boating/tubing; just general enjoyable activities. i apologized many times and didn’t try to argue, and she continued to tell me how i was in the wrong, and that it “isn’t fair to her” that i go and do these things with my friends after she says no to doing them with me. i’ve never been disloyal to her so i can’t assume it would be a trust problem. i just want some input here because i really don’t want to hurt her. this is the first post i’ve made and i feel like it may not have been very clearly written so here’s an example if needed: one time i asked her if she wanted to come over and go tubing with my family and i, and she refused, told me she wasn’t comfortable with my family. and i told her that was fine because i understood. i still wanted to go, so i called a good friend of mine and told them they were more than welcome to come if they wanted to, and they did. she was upset because after she refused, i asked someone else. anyway, aita for doing things with my friends that my girlfriend doesn’t want to do? i’d really like it to be known that i don’t go out much, but every time i do, i invite her first. she is always my first choice and she almost always says no. i would also like it to be known that i’m posting this here because i struggle with mild autism and sometimes i do things or say things that could be hurtful without realizing. i didn’t at all see how what i was doing was hurtful or disloyal towards her, and i very much appreciate outside and unbiased opinions on the situation. [/INST] nta if she doesn’t wanna do it with you, then go have fun with friends who want to </s>
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AITA for leaving and not speaking to my mom and sister
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i (f16) live with my mom, dad, and sister (14).
i genuinely hate my sister. not like i hate her but still love her because she’s family, like i can’t wait to move out so i’ll never have to see her/speak to her/hear about her ever again.
she’s the most rude person i know. she calls me a bitch and an asshole on a daily basis, shushes me or tells me to shut up every time i speak, and screams at me all the time. i was getting bullied at school and she used to laugh about it in my face because the girl was 6 months younger than me.
my mom will tell her to stop occasionally then say that she tried everything and that’s just how she is and i need to deal with it.
my mom asked us to play a board game and i said i’ll only play if my sister agrees to not scream the entire game (i have sensitive hearing so the screaming really hurts). my sister started shushing me again and i told her to stop so she smirked and said “shut up. is that better?”
i got up and yelled to my mom “i’m not playing because your kid’s a jackass” and i called my grandparents and asked them to pick me up. i locked myself in my room, packed my bag, and left.
my mom keeps texting me and it’s a mix between “you need to get over yourself”, “you shouldn’t have cursed at your sister”, “i love you”, and “why are you ignoring me? i didn’t do anything”.
i don’t want to go home. it’s always like this and the stress is too much for me. to make things worse, my mom keeps putting her in all the same activities as me and we’re in the same age group so it’s like i can’t escape her.
am i the asshole for leaving and ignoring my mom and sister?
| 180 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/la9wgg/aita_for_leaving_and_not_speaking_to_my_mom_and/
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2021-02-01 18:16:21
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nta. your mom has spent 14 years enabling your sister. it sounds like nobody has ever told this girl "no" and actually backed it up. it might not be too late for her, but your mom needs to grow a spine and actually punish her for being so smug and nasty to family. in the meantime it's perfectly reasonable for you to escape to a home where this doesn't happen to you.
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nta. “you shouldn’t have cursed at your sister”, really? really?
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nta
can you live with your grandparents?
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nta. your sister has learned there are no ramifications got tormenting you because your mother won't do anything (and no mention of your father). notice how your mother went to attacking you, love bombing and then playing the victim. pretty damming that she just doesn't care unless it's what she wants.
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nta. your sister is abusive, your mom is enabling it, and kind of gaslighting you into being supportive of your sister. stay with your grandparents; you have every right to cut ties until your sister gets her shit together. i’m so sorry you’re having to go through this; i’m so thankful you have grandparents who care for you. big hugs ❤️
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nta - your mom and sister are both ah. your sister is a major ah and your mom should take more responsibility as the parent in correcting your sister's behavior. your mom said "i didn't do anything" and that's the issue. she's making it about her rather than trying to understand your side and how this impacted you.
i hope things are better at your grandparent's house <3
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nta, overall bad parenting on your parents' part and bad human on your sister's part. i understand that you yelled because you hit a breaking point.
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‘why are you ignoring me, i haven’t done anything’
exactly. she hasn’t done anything. her job—as a parent.
nta
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nta your parents need to crack down on sister’s behaviour. saying that’s how she is deal with it is just enabling your sister
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nta. i'm sorry you're going through this, hon. eventually you'll need to speak to your mom, and i would recommend having a list of things you want to talk about before going into the conversation. tell her how your sister makes you feel, and how your mom has enabled her to behave that way toward you. tell her you want to do things on your own to see if that helps get some distance from your sister.
&#x200b;
also, as someone with anxiety, being a jackass isn't a symptom. mood swings are one thing, but consistently treating people like garbage is a symptom of being an asshole, not having anxiety.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f16) live with my mom, dad, and sister (14). i genuinely hate my sister. not like i hate her but still love her because she’s family, like i can’t wait to move out so i’ll never have to see her/speak to her/hear about her ever again. she’s the most rude person i know. she calls me a bitch and an asshole on a daily basis, shushes me or tells me to shut up every time i speak, and screams at me all the time. i was getting bullied at school and she used to laugh about it in my face because the girl was 6 months younger than me. my mom will tell her to stop occasionally then say that she tried everything and that’s just how she is and i need to deal with it. my mom asked us to play a board game and i said i’ll only play if my sister agrees to not scream the entire game (i have sensitive hearing so the screaming really hurts). my sister started shushing me again and i told her to stop so she smirked and said “shut up. is that better?” i got up and yelled to my mom “i’m not playing because your kid’s a jackass” and i called my grandparents and asked them to pick me up. i locked myself in my room, packed my bag, and left. my mom keeps texting me and it’s a mix between “you need to get over yourself”, “you shouldn’t have cursed at your sister”, “i love you”, and “why are you ignoring me? i didn’t do anything”. i don’t want to go home. it’s always like this and the stress is too much for me. to make things worse, my mom keeps putting her in all the same activities as me and we’re in the same age group so it’s like i can’t escape her. am i the asshole for leaving and ignoring my mom and sister?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (f16) live with my mom, dad, and sister (14). i genuinely hate my sister. not like i hate her but still love her because she’s family, like i can’t wait to move out so i’ll never have to see her/speak to her/hear about her ever again. she’s the most rude person i know. she calls me a bitch and an asshole on a daily basis, shushes me or tells me to shut up every time i speak, and screams at me all the time. i was getting bullied at school and she used to laugh about it in my face because the girl was 6 months younger than me. my mom will tell her to stop occasionally then say that she tried everything and that’s just how she is and i need to deal with it. my mom asked us to play a board game and i said i’ll only play if my sister agrees to not scream the entire game (i have sensitive hearing so the screaming really hurts). my sister started shushing me again and i told her to stop so she smirked and said “shut up. is that better?” i got up and yelled to my mom “i’m not playing because your kid’s a jackass” and i called my grandparents and asked them to pick me up. i locked myself in my room, packed my bag, and left. my mom keeps texting me and it’s a mix between “you need to get over yourself”, “you shouldn’t have cursed at your sister”, “i love you”, and “why are you ignoring me? i didn’t do anything”. i don’t want to go home. it’s always like this and the stress is too much for me. to make things worse, my mom keeps putting her in all the same activities as me and we’re in the same age group so it’s like i can’t escape her. am i the asshole for leaving and ignoring my mom and sister? [/INST] nta. your mom has spent 14 years enabling your sister. it sounds like nobody has ever told this girl "no" and actually backed it up. it might not be too late for her, but your mom needs to grow a spine and actually punish her for being so smug and nasty to family. in the meantime it's perfectly reasonable for you to escape to a home where this doesn't happen to you. </s>
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AITA for uninviting someone to my grad party?
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so about 5 months ago i ended a year long relationship, and without getting into too much detail, it was for a very serious and very valid reason. about 3 weeks ago, i went on my first date with someone since the break up, and i had an amazing time. we’ve continued to talk and are starting to get more serious, and he makes me incredibly happy. my ex, however, has been super bitter since the break up. one of our mutual friends (but who is much closer to my ex) has been hearing a lot of what my ex had to say and started spreading awful things about me to everyone he can. the one thing that really upset me was he told people i falsely accused my ex of the reason we broke up; which i absolutely did not do. my ex asked why we broke up, and i was upfront and told him i didn’t feel safe with him anymore. i never tried to get him in trouble or ruin his life, but i wanted him to know that what he was doing to me during our relationship was not ok and hopefully i’d save the next girl he dates.
i’m really fed up with how my mutual friend is acting, he’s really just taken the bare minimum of information and ran with it. i texted him this paragraph this morning:
hey so i’ve heard from a few different people now that you haven’t been saying the nicest things about me since (my ex) and i ended things. im not here to sit and defend myself or anything, but i think that if you truly feel this strongly about me that maybe it’s best you don’t come to my grad party next week. it’s not that i have anything against you really, but it’s super uncomfortable for me and everyone who’s heard about this through the grape vine for you to be around. i really would like to get along with you and be friends, but i guess right now isn’t the time for that. i’m wishing you the best at college, hope you have a good summer.
he then responded immediately apologizing and saying he had an awful week and he doesn’t know why he said what he said and he totally understood why i didn’t want him at my party. i then felt horrible for even texting that, but my new sorta boyfriend, who is also friends with him says this is his way of getting out of the consequences of his actions, and he still doesn’t think this kid deserves to come.
am i the asshole for uninviting him?
| 265 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nz2p5r/aita_for_uninviting_someone_to_my_grad_party/
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2021-06-13 18:32:08
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nta. actions have consequences. you are being nice to not cut the friendship off completely.
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your message was kind and a moderate response to what he did. he accepted that and apologized, and it seems he accepted the "uninvitation" as just. i would not second guess it at this point. nta
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nta and don't let his half-assed apology for spreading unfounded rumors about you convince you to re-invite him. he showed he doesn't like you by actively trying to destroy your reputation among your friends, why would he be welcome at a party to celebrate your accomplishments?
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nta one bit. he messed up and y’all need space. stay firm. maybe you can be friends again in future after some time has passed if he’s going to be mature.
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hell no. nta for sure.
the way he's apologizing now suggests he was fully aware that the rumours he started were not true. an apology *might* be something you can build on over time (although i'm pretty sure i wouldn't bother) but that trust is rightfully gone atm and you don't deserve having to see him when this is all so fresh.
hey, i've just had an idea. invite him, but make him wear a board that says "dear everyone, i lied about op" <insert evil grin here>
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nta
flimsy excuse on his part.
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nta - victim blaming is never cool
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nta
this person is friends with your ex. that doesn't mean he has the right to spread bs about you.
have a nice party \^\^
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nta , nor would ybta if you had broken up with your ex for no reason at all, or been more harsh. you never need a reason to break up with someone, you never need a reason to distance yourself from someone who makes you uncomfortable in any way, whatever keeps you safe and healthy is most important.
with that being said, the fact that you did break up with your ex for a reason, be it manipulation or violence, makes a world of difference. if he's born witness to this and is aware of it, he's plain a terrible person and is someone you should cut off entirely, if it's word of mouth and your word vs his he still shouldn't be spreading horrible rumors about you, considering you haven't even tried to ruin his life, something you suggest you could do.
there's always the option of messaging them to stop spreading lies before you spread the truth and hoping that works, although if it's not something you're willing to / comfortable with spreading then they might call your bluff.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so about 5 months ago i ended a year long relationship, and without getting into too much detail, it was for a very serious and very valid reason. about 3 weeks ago, i went on my first date with someone since the break up, and i had an amazing time. we’ve continued to talk and are starting to get more serious, and he makes me incredibly happy. my ex, however, has been super bitter since the break up. one of our mutual friends (but who is much closer to my ex) has been hearing a lot of what my ex had to say and started spreading awful things about me to everyone he can. the one thing that really upset me was he told people i falsely accused my ex of the reason we broke up; which i absolutely did not do. my ex asked why we broke up, and i was upfront and told him i didn’t feel safe with him anymore. i never tried to get him in trouble or ruin his life, but i wanted him to know that what he was doing to me during our relationship was not ok and hopefully i’d save the next girl he dates. i’m really fed up with how my mutual friend is acting, he’s really just taken the bare minimum of information and ran with it. i texted him this paragraph this morning: hey so i’ve heard from a few different people now that you haven’t been saying the nicest things about me since (my ex) and i ended things. im not here to sit and defend myself or anything, but i think that if you truly feel this strongly about me that maybe it’s best you don’t come to my grad party next week. it’s not that i have anything against you really, but it’s super uncomfortable for me and everyone who’s heard about this through the grape vine for you to be around. i really would like to get along with you and be friends, but i guess right now isn’t the time for that. i’m wishing you the best at college, hope you have a good summer. he then responded immediately apologizing and saying he had an awful week and he doesn’t know why he said what he said and he totally understood why i didn’t want him at my party. i then felt horrible for even texting that, but my new sorta boyfriend, who is also friends with him says this is his way of getting out of the consequences of his actions, and he still doesn’t think this kid deserves to come. am i the asshole for uninviting him?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so about 5 months ago i ended a year long relationship, and without getting into too much detail, it was for a very serious and very valid reason. about 3 weeks ago, i went on my first date with someone since the break up, and i had an amazing time. we’ve continued to talk and are starting to get more serious, and he makes me incredibly happy. my ex, however, has been super bitter since the break up. one of our mutual friends (but who is much closer to my ex) has been hearing a lot of what my ex had to say and started spreading awful things about me to everyone he can. the one thing that really upset me was he told people i falsely accused my ex of the reason we broke up; which i absolutely did not do. my ex asked why we broke up, and i was upfront and told him i didn’t feel safe with him anymore. i never tried to get him in trouble or ruin his life, but i wanted him to know that what he was doing to me during our relationship was not ok and hopefully i’d save the next girl he dates. i’m really fed up with how my mutual friend is acting, he’s really just taken the bare minimum of information and ran with it. i texted him this paragraph this morning: hey so i’ve heard from a few different people now that you haven’t been saying the nicest things about me since (my ex) and i ended things. im not here to sit and defend myself or anything, but i think that if you truly feel this strongly about me that maybe it’s best you don’t come to my grad party next week. it’s not that i have anything against you really, but it’s super uncomfortable for me and everyone who’s heard about this through the grape vine for you to be around. i really would like to get along with you and be friends, but i guess right now isn’t the time for that. i’m wishing you the best at college, hope you have a good summer. he then responded immediately apologizing and saying he had an awful week and he doesn’t know why he said what he said and he totally understood why i didn’t want him at my party. i then felt horrible for even texting that, but my new sorta boyfriend, who is also friends with him says this is his way of getting out of the consequences of his actions, and he still doesn’t think this kid deserves to come. am i the asshole for uninviting him? [/INST] nta. actions have consequences. you are being nice to not cut the friendship off completely. </s>
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AITA for not giving my computer away for free?
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my mom asked me how much i would sell my computer for. the original price of it is $500 and because it's used i'm selling it for $200. mom asked me if i would sell it to her for $100 and she got mad after i told her no, because it's way too underpriced if it was $100. she said because she's my mother i should be giving it to her for free, and that i'm being incredibly greedy. she called me a terrible person for selling it to her the same price i would a stranger, and saying i should always give family it for free or at least a discount. i refused but she continued to call me a greedy, terrible person. am i really being greedy and terrible??
| 188 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zpjprh/aita_for_not_giving_my_computer_away_for_free/
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2022-12-19 06:05:59
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nta. she asked how much you wanted for it and then complained when you actually wanted to be paid. the entitlement is strong with this one.
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note: they didn't buy the computer, either, my grandma got it for me for my birthday.
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nta, 200 is a discount. your mother just sounds entitled
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nta and from your other comments i gather that your mom is a narc, why the hell are you paying for your school at 15yo ??? that’s financial abuse, what’s her reason ? is that cause “she feed you, give you a roof and blah blah blah” ? it’s really alarming, that you have to pay for school and other things you might need. also she’s manipulating you, trying to guilt trip you by saying “it should be free we’re family” but she’s not even paying school for her own kid ? is your mom like that for a lot of things ? if yes, i’m sorry but you’re in an abusive household and if you have any way to get out of here it would be better for you…
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mom asked me how much i would sell my computer for. the original price of it is $500 and because it's used i'm selling it for $200. mom asked me if i would sell it to her for $100 and she got mad after i told her no, because it's way too underpriced if it was $100. she said because she's my mother i should be giving it to her for free, and that i'm being incredibly greedy. she called me a terrible person for selling it to her the same price i would a stranger, and saying i should always give family it for free or at least a discount. i refused but she continued to call me a greedy, terrible person. am i really being greedy and terrible??
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my mom asked me how much i would sell my computer for. the original price of it is $500 and because it's used i'm selling it for $200. mom asked me if i would sell it to her for $100 and she got mad after i told her no, because it's way too underpriced if it was $100. she said because she's my mother i should be giving it to her for free, and that i'm being incredibly greedy. she called me a terrible person for selling it to her the same price i would a stranger, and saying i should always give family it for free or at least a discount. i refused but she continued to call me a greedy, terrible person. am i really being greedy and terrible?? [/INST] nta. she asked how much you wanted for it and then complained when you actually wanted to be paid. the entitlement is strong with this one. </s>
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AITA for not caring that my ex-wife had baby?
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so i (31m) got married to emily (31f) when we were 20, we separated at 26 and our divorce was finally finalised at 28. it was incredibly drawn out and messy as there was infidelity on her part and she kept refusing to sign papers and wanting to work on our marriage even though she was still with the guy she was cheating with. i checked out as soon as she told me and just wanted to get divorced. it finally happened and i then started dating my current girlfriend sandy (30f) a few months later. i should add, this marriage produced no kids.
so about 6 months ago, i became a dad for the first time, yay! sandy and i had a little boy called theo. i didn’t tell emily this because frankly, why would i? i have no reason to have her in my life. my sister grace (29) still is on good terms with emily and i have no issue with that as long as i’m not involved. anyway, i get a random message one day from emily congratulating me on being a dad. i figured grace probably told her which was true and i found out grace even sent pictures of my son i’d sent to her to emily! i told grace it’s fine if she wants to be friends with emily but it’s not cool if she sends pictures of my newborn son to my ex wife. sandy was pissed too and grace apologised and hasn’t sent any more pictures or info i don’t want shared.
well, i thought i wouldn’t hear from emily again until she told me about a month after my son was born that she was pregnant with the guy she left me for. all i said was a generic “congratulations” and she got mad that was all i had to say. i just said to her we’re not in each other’s lives and that why would i really care? that kid was nothing to do with me. she tried messaging me again and i ignored her.
the other day, emily messages me again and tells me she had a girl called hayley. alright, that’s cool. i offered another congratulations and thought that’d be it. she then started trying talking to me about us both finding happiness and becoming first time parents within months of each other and i honestly was not interested in talking to her. she then started talking constantly and constantly about her baby and sent me pictures and i had no reaction. she then asked me why i wasn’t excited for her and i just decided to be totally honest. i just said to her “look, it’s great you’re excited about being a mom but we’ve been divorced for years. why are you sharing details about your baby with me? i don’t really care because you and me aren’t involved in each other’s lives anymore.”
i then finally blocked her from messaging me and i ended up getting a shitty message from my sister. she said i was an ah for putting down emily like that when she was trying to tell me all about her new baby. maybe my delivery was a bit harsh but am i really in the wrong for not caring my ex had a kid?
| 13,622 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gml9rh/aita_for_not_caring_that_my_exwife_had_baby/
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2020-05-19 09:25:56
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nta why would you care when she's an ex and it's not your kid!?
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nta, you’re actually more patient than i would be is my ex has cheated on me. your sister shouldn’t prioritize being a good friend to your ex over being a good sister to you. she should’ve just stayed out of it and keep the friendship separate from you.
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nta. this is emily's way of trying to feel less guilty for being a shitty wife. she wants you to be happy for her so she can rationalize her cheating into an "all's well that end's well".
grace needs to stay in her gd lane.
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nta. i don't know why your sister is so hung up on you celebrating the offspring with the guy she cheated on you with.
that's really weird behaviour, i have questions about how much your ex has actually moved on in the last 5 years, or if she still considers you as playing the part of involved bystander in her relationship that you had at the beginning of her affair.
block, and i would definitely reconsider your relationship with your sister who is enabling her fantasy where you care.
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nta.
she's just trying to convince you, and others, that because you're both now remarried and parents, what she did was inconsequential, and didn't matter, because everything ended well and turned out perfect, thus ignoring all the pain the cheating caused you.
i'm astounded you even bother communicating.
my ex got married 12 weeks ago and i'm a bit bitter and upset, but that's because we share a 10yo, and he didnt even bother to tell our son, let alone invite him.
people suck.
block her number and enjoy your wife and son.
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nta. emily has someone to talk to about her baby. the baby’s father. there is a real strain lately of people feeling like they have to stay friends with their ex and while that’s fine if it’s your choice, this is really weird. almost like emily is trying to validate her bad choices by saying “see, we both ended up fine.” i would also have much stronger language for your sister because her involvement in this is just super inappropriate.
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nta. it’s incredibly weird to share details of your new baby to someone you’re divorced from who you had no kids with. tbh you were quite nice and your sister is being really weird. focus on your kid.
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nta, why is your sister friends with her?
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nta
i can't imagine a scenario where i'd care that an ex is propagating with the person they left you for and expect you to be at all interested. doubly so if you've completely cut contact and moved on.
it sounds like your ex is upset that she couldn't twist your nipples with this and your sister just doesn't understand how much you don't want her in your life.
you should sit your sister down and be like...
"*hey, jen, look - emily and i ended because she ran off with todd. i got over it, and i don't want anything to do with her or todd. it's fine with me that you're friends with emily, because i don't care about her; she's a complete stranger to me now and i'm okay with that. you know i don't want to be in contact with her and know i don't want her to know what's going on in my life. if she can't move on and let me go, that's her problem. please don't try to make it my problem. i'm happier without her around or involved. that's why i was so cold and why i blocked her. if you can't understand that, i'm sorry. i wasn't trying to hurt* ***your friend*** *- i was trying to stop* ***my ex*** *from dragging me back into her drama.*"
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nta. what the hell is wrong with your sister? does she know about the cheating?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i (31m) got married to emily (31f) when we were 20, we separated at 26 and our divorce was finally finalised at 28. it was incredibly drawn out and messy as there was infidelity on her part and she kept refusing to sign papers and wanting to work on our marriage even though she was still with the guy she was cheating with. i checked out as soon as she told me and just wanted to get divorced. it finally happened and i then started dating my current girlfriend sandy (30f) a few months later. i should add, this marriage produced no kids. so about 6 months ago, i became a dad for the first time, yay! sandy and i had a little boy called theo. i didn’t tell emily this because frankly, why would i? i have no reason to have her in my life. my sister grace (29) still is on good terms with emily and i have no issue with that as long as i’m not involved. anyway, i get a random message one day from emily congratulating me on being a dad. i figured grace probably told her which was true and i found out grace even sent pictures of my son i’d sent to her to emily! i told grace it’s fine if she wants to be friends with emily but it’s not cool if she sends pictures of my newborn son to my ex wife. sandy was pissed too and grace apologised and hasn’t sent any more pictures or info i don’t want shared. well, i thought i wouldn’t hear from emily again until she told me about a month after my son was born that she was pregnant with the guy she left me for. all i said was a generic “congratulations” and she got mad that was all i had to say. i just said to her we’re not in each other’s lives and that why would i really care? that kid was nothing to do with me. she tried messaging me again and i ignored her. the other day, emily messages me again and tells me she had a girl called hayley. alright, that’s cool. i offered another congratulations and thought that’d be it. she then started trying talking to me about us both finding happiness and becoming first time parents within months of each other and i honestly was not interested in talking to her. she then started talking constantly and constantly about her baby and sent me pictures and i had no reaction. she then asked me why i wasn’t excited for her and i just decided to be totally honest. i just said to her “look, it’s great you’re excited about being a mom but we’ve been divorced for years. why are you sharing details about your baby with me? i don’t really care because you and me aren’t involved in each other’s lives anymore.” i then finally blocked her from messaging me and i ended up getting a shitty message from my sister. she said i was an ah for putting down emily like that when she was trying to tell me all about her new baby. maybe my delivery was a bit harsh but am i really in the wrong for not caring my ex had a kid?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i (31m) got married to emily (31f) when we were 20, we separated at 26 and our divorce was finally finalised at 28. it was incredibly drawn out and messy as there was infidelity on her part and she kept refusing to sign papers and wanting to work on our marriage even though she was still with the guy she was cheating with. i checked out as soon as she told me and just wanted to get divorced. it finally happened and i then started dating my current girlfriend sandy (30f) a few months later. i should add, this marriage produced no kids. so about 6 months ago, i became a dad for the first time, yay! sandy and i had a little boy called theo. i didn’t tell emily this because frankly, why would i? i have no reason to have her in my life. my sister grace (29) still is on good terms with emily and i have no issue with that as long as i’m not involved. anyway, i get a random message one day from emily congratulating me on being a dad. i figured grace probably told her which was true and i found out grace even sent pictures of my son i’d sent to her to emily! i told grace it’s fine if she wants to be friends with emily but it’s not cool if she sends pictures of my newborn son to my ex wife. sandy was pissed too and grace apologised and hasn’t sent any more pictures or info i don’t want shared. well, i thought i wouldn’t hear from emily again until she told me about a month after my son was born that she was pregnant with the guy she left me for. all i said was a generic “congratulations” and she got mad that was all i had to say. i just said to her we’re not in each other’s lives and that why would i really care? that kid was nothing to do with me. she tried messaging me again and i ignored her. the other day, emily messages me again and tells me she had a girl called hayley. alright, that’s cool. i offered another congratulations and thought that’d be it. she then started trying talking to me about us both finding happiness and becoming first time parents within months of each other and i honestly was not interested in talking to her. she then started talking constantly and constantly about her baby and sent me pictures and i had no reaction. she then asked me why i wasn’t excited for her and i just decided to be totally honest. i just said to her “look, it’s great you’re excited about being a mom but we’ve been divorced for years. why are you sharing details about your baby with me? i don’t really care because you and me aren’t involved in each other’s lives anymore.” i then finally blocked her from messaging me and i ended up getting a shitty message from my sister. she said i was an ah for putting down emily like that when she was trying to tell me all about her new baby. maybe my delivery was a bit harsh but am i really in the wrong for not caring my ex had a kid? [/INST] nta why would you care when she's an ex and it's not your kid!? </s>
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AITA for ruining my sisters vacation
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i'm 22 years old. my sister is 26 and has 2 children a 2 month old and a 2 year old. i always thought she should not have gotten another could because she can barely take care of the other one and most of the time asks other people to take care of them because she can't do it alone. our mom is one of the people who goes and helps allot. definitely now that the babys born.
now for the vacation part. i booked a vacation to the beach a year ago it was quite expensive. but this is something i really wanted so i saved up for it. i asked our mom if she wanted to go with me. she said yes i booked and payed for 2 people. a month before we left for the vacation. my mom said my sister was also coming with us because her boyfriend was away that same week on a bike vacation.
there wasn't really a question in it they just announced it. afterwards i went to our mom and said my concerns about how i was afraid i would have no time for myself and i would have to babysit all the time. ( something about me i'm high sensitive and i get overwhelmed very quickly by constant loud noice and being an introvert being around people mentally drained me to the point i can't do anything anymore but just sleep. they know this)
where now 4 days into the vacation. and everything i feared came true. i have to constantly keep my 2 year old busy while my mom and sister are on there phone or taking care of the baby. even when i go somewhere else to be alone for a second like lay on my bed or something he follows and keeps asking to play. i love him but it get to much for me. the only way they leave me alone is when im sleeping so i have been doing that allot. with makes that i wasn't able to do anything that i wanted.
my sisters told me today i'm ruining her vacation because i make a long face all the time. i don't know if that's an english expression but in dutch it mean i'm not happy all the time.
i was so annoyed i told her what do you mean ruining your vacation i paid for it. this is my vacation. she began yelling and said that just because i paid for everything doesn't mean i can sit here and ruin it for her. i said you invited yourself i didn't ask you to be here. and said that they promised i would not have to babysit. she began yelling louder and said i haven't touched the baby while we where here (that's a lie i have given him his bottle a few times and held him while he slept and cried plenty of times.) i told her who has been keeping the 2 year old busy. she got more angry and said isn't that normal for you to want to play with the 2 year old as his aunt. our mom was looking at me like i've kicked the children. because how could i complain about playing with my own nephew. they stormed out and yelled that there really something wrong with me and i should think about what i said.
i've been crying non stop and have no clue what to do anymore. they don't talk to me. and i'm stuck here with them until friday.
am i the asshole?
| 13,573 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/we6n12/aita_for_ruining_my_sisters_vacation/
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2022-08-02 08:57:15
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nta your sister sucks
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nta - your sister took advantage and your mum didn't give af about you or your feelings. go off on your own, enjoy the rest of your holiday! when you get back set boundaries and leave them to it! your sisters kids are not your responsibility, next time go away on your own or go with a friend or a solo travelers group. neither your mum or your sister have thought about you or your feelings, it's all about your sister, her needs and her kids. they'll probably call you an ah but they're so self-absorbed, your mum playing granny and reliving being a mum and your sister just being her by the sounds of it. just keep your boundaries, they will run to you again eventually for help, so make sure you say no.
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get the hell out of the room and go down to the beach. you don't have to take anyone with you.
just go! and stop sitting in the hotel room.
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nta, your sister and mother are the ones that ruining the vacation. you made these plans with your mother and then your mother just added your sister and kids without really talking to you (and that would have been an unfair discussion because how could you say no without being looked upon as selfish?). the main thing is, you paid for this vacation and you should be able to spend it how you intented. being the primary entertainer around the clock was not part of your plan. first of all your sister should pay half the cost for the vacation. she added three people and you should be compensated for it. second of all, you need to sit down with your mother and sister and talk to them, that this wasn't a part of the plans, you had things planned for this vacation and there's still time to do them. even if you love your niblings that doesn't mean you want to spend every minute with them on your vacation. so make a plan for the rest of the vacation, including a schedule for childcare and childfree-time. like you said, your stuck there until friday but that also still leaves a couple of day of vacation if you plan them well.
i've been both the childfree aunt that just gotten niblings pretty much dumped on me and now i have children of my own (which i don't just drop on someone else, they're after all my responsible first).
also, when you come home from the vacation, have a separate conversation with your mother about how you need to be a priority when it's your vacation. make it clear to her that you understand that she want's to help your sister but that can't dictate every situation.
good luck and i'll hope you can enjoy the last days of vacation.
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oh my, im a grandma to two small children who i love with all my heart. do i want to take my daughter and children on holiday with me and look after the kids? absolutely not!
you booked your holiday for you to relax, not look after kids. your sister is selfish af and your mum is just as bad. why doesnt your mum entertain the 2 year old since she was the one who invited them?
for the remainder of your holiday, get up on a morning and go somewhere for the day, a different beach, sightseeing, a museum, a water park. **anything that you want to do!**
you were initally going to go alone before asking your mum if she'd like to join you so just spend the rest of your time being on vacation and doing what you want.
nta
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nta. just get up each morning and leave them, find a nice cafe to have breakfast, go enjoy the beach or whatever other tourist activities you want. buy a book to read relax somewhere reading it. if you don't want to be outside, go see a movie, just stay out all day. do that each day until it's time to go home.
you do not have to entertain your nephew at all, your mother and sister are quite capable of doing that themselves. you are not ruining your sisters vacation, she is ruining yours. you paid for it, she invited herself along when she wasn't welcome.
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nta-they’re using you to give themselves a vacation.
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[deleted]
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nta. your sister is a selfish one. just go off and leave them. do stuff on your own. find somewhere else to stay if you can.
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nta, sounds like you’re being manipulated and taken advantage of in this situation. you fucked up not standing up for yourself regarding the kids sooner tho
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm 22 years old. my sister is 26 and has 2 children a 2 month old and a 2 year old. i always thought she should not have gotten another could because she can barely take care of the other one and most of the time asks other people to take care of them because she can't do it alone. our mom is one of the people who goes and helps allot. definitely now that the babys born. now for the vacation part. i booked a vacation to the beach a year ago it was quite expensive. but this is something i really wanted so i saved up for it. i asked our mom if she wanted to go with me. she said yes i booked and payed for 2 people. a month before we left for the vacation. my mom said my sister was also coming with us because her boyfriend was away that same week on a bike vacation. there wasn't really a question in it they just announced it. afterwards i went to our mom and said my concerns about how i was afraid i would have no time for myself and i would have to babysit all the time. ( something about me i'm high sensitive and i get overwhelmed very quickly by constant loud noice and being an introvert being around people mentally drained me to the point i can't do anything anymore but just sleep. they know this) where now 4 days into the vacation. and everything i feared came true. i have to constantly keep my 2 year old busy while my mom and sister are on there phone or taking care of the baby. even when i go somewhere else to be alone for a second like lay on my bed or something he follows and keeps asking to play. i love him but it get to much for me. the only way they leave me alone is when im sleeping so i have been doing that allot. with makes that i wasn't able to do anything that i wanted. my sisters told me today i'm ruining her vacation because i make a long face all the time. i don't know if that's an english expression but in dutch it mean i'm not happy all the time. i was so annoyed i told her what do you mean ruining your vacation i paid for it. this is my vacation. she began yelling and said that just because i paid for everything doesn't mean i can sit here and ruin it for her. i said you invited yourself i didn't ask you to be here. and said that they promised i would not have to babysit. she began yelling louder and said i haven't touched the baby while we where here (that's a lie i have given him his bottle a few times and held him while he slept and cried plenty of times.) i told her who has been keeping the 2 year old busy. she got more angry and said isn't that normal for you to want to play with the 2 year old as his aunt. our mom was looking at me like i've kicked the children. because how could i complain about playing with my own nephew. they stormed out and yelled that there really something wrong with me and i should think about what i said. i've been crying non stop and have no clue what to do anymore. they don't talk to me. and i'm stuck here with them until friday. am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm 22 years old. my sister is 26 and has 2 children a 2 month old and a 2 year old. i always thought she should not have gotten another could because she can barely take care of the other one and most of the time asks other people to take care of them because she can't do it alone. our mom is one of the people who goes and helps allot. definitely now that the babys born. now for the vacation part. i booked a vacation to the beach a year ago it was quite expensive. but this is something i really wanted so i saved up for it. i asked our mom if she wanted to go with me. she said yes i booked and payed for 2 people. a month before we left for the vacation. my mom said my sister was also coming with us because her boyfriend was away that same week on a bike vacation. there wasn't really a question in it they just announced it. afterwards i went to our mom and said my concerns about how i was afraid i would have no time for myself and i would have to babysit all the time. ( something about me i'm high sensitive and i get overwhelmed very quickly by constant loud noice and being an introvert being around people mentally drained me to the point i can't do anything anymore but just sleep. they know this) where now 4 days into the vacation. and everything i feared came true. i have to constantly keep my 2 year old busy while my mom and sister are on there phone or taking care of the baby. even when i go somewhere else to be alone for a second like lay on my bed or something he follows and keeps asking to play. i love him but it get to much for me. the only way they leave me alone is when im sleeping so i have been doing that allot. with makes that i wasn't able to do anything that i wanted. my sisters told me today i'm ruining her vacation because i make a long face all the time. i don't know if that's an english expression but in dutch it mean i'm not happy all the time. i was so annoyed i told her what do you mean ruining your vacation i paid for it. this is my vacation. she began yelling and said that just because i paid for everything doesn't mean i can sit here and ruin it for her. i said you invited yourself i didn't ask you to be here. and said that they promised i would not have to babysit. she began yelling louder and said i haven't touched the baby while we where here (that's a lie i have given him his bottle a few times and held him while he slept and cried plenty of times.) i told her who has been keeping the 2 year old busy. she got more angry and said isn't that normal for you to want to play with the 2 year old as his aunt. our mom was looking at me like i've kicked the children. because how could i complain about playing with my own nephew. they stormed out and yelled that there really something wrong with me and i should think about what i said. i've been crying non stop and have no clue what to do anymore. they don't talk to me. and i'm stuck here with them until friday. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta your sister sucks </s>
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AITA for how I commented on my cousin’s self-righteous facebook post?
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&#x200b;
my cousin is 19. i am 27. we’re not really that close and she kind of behaves like a brat but whatever. not really the point of the story lol.
she posts to facebook the other day about how she’s the only one in her family (including our small extended family!) who’s not a fuckup and a disappointment like others in her family (siblings and cousins included) and that she doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t have any mental health problems (as in inpatient hospitalization, etc.) or involvement with the law and how proud of herself she is that she works a part time job, gets as and bs in school (she’s a junior in hs and she’s 19) and has a car. her exact words were “glad i’m not a crackhead junkie or a psycho in the mental hospital like some family members i know. glad i can do the family proud” i knew the post was related to me because i’m in long term recovery from prescription painkillers and have been hospitalized for mental health in the past (i’ve never been in trouble with the law though so idk who she was referring to there, prob her brother who got two duis). i recently got into a phd program after struggling with substance use and mental health problems for years and her post just brought me down…anyway, my blood was boiling but i didn’t want to post an overly mean and petty comment. i wrote, “people don’t really have much control over mental illness and you never know why someone uses drugs, it could be used as a coping mechanism for trauma. you never always know what someone has gone through. people are always able to bounce back or get a second chance at life, sorry but it doesn’t make you better than anyone else.” she ended up telling her mom (my aunt) who called me and started screaming at me that i embarrassed my cousin and that i’m almost 30 and that i’m too old to be arguing with a teenager (she’s 19…?) or trying to put her in her place, and that i’m just jealous of my cousin. jealous of what exactly? i don’t know if it was wrong of me to make that comment or if i should have not made a comment at all.
| 348 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mi2u59/aita_for_how_i_commented_on_my_cousins/
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2021-04-01 19:21:56
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nta
you were very polite in my opinion and explained why her comment was hurtful and ignorant.
the fact she had to go cry about it to mommy, tells you all you need to know really.
also: hope you are doing better! don't let people like this bring you down.
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nta she is a brat and her mom is enabling her
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nta
at 19, she's an adult. that means she has to be able to take criticism from another adult. her original post was massively insulting to the whole family. she should not be surprised that there were repercussions. if all she gets in return was a politely-phrased reply from you, she's getting off easy.
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nta, but for your own sake stop viewing/block your niece and possibly your sister. a 19 year old who's barely experienced life doesn't get to judge others' experiences like this.
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hang on ... a 19 year old who's a junior? sounds like little miss perfect may have had her own screw ups in the past. nta
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nta, but at 27, you’re too old for facebook drama.
if you wanna argue with people, do it with strangers on /r/amitheasshole
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nta. you didn’t say anything snarky or rude. you told her that she can never know what someone is going through. sounds like she could use more of that in her life and her mom doesn’t help.
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nta, but come on, at 19 and 27, you’re both too young for facebook drama
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nta - she made a blanket statement, all you did was provide some much needed context. the fact she took it personal and then complained to her mother is on her!
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nta, you didn't say anything out of line. if her mom acts like that it's no wonder she acts like a brat.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: &#x200b; my cousin is 19. i am 27. we’re not really that close and she kind of behaves like a brat but whatever. not really the point of the story lol. she posts to facebook the other day about how she’s the only one in her family (including our small extended family!) who’s not a fuckup and a disappointment like others in her family (siblings and cousins included) and that she doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t have any mental health problems (as in inpatient hospitalization, etc.) or involvement with the law and how proud of herself she is that she works a part time job, gets as and bs in school (she’s a junior in hs and she’s 19) and has a car. her exact words were “glad i’m not a crackhead junkie or a psycho in the mental hospital like some family members i know. glad i can do the family proud” i knew the post was related to me because i’m in long term recovery from prescription painkillers and have been hospitalized for mental health in the past (i’ve never been in trouble with the law though so idk who she was referring to there, prob her brother who got two duis). i recently got into a phd program after struggling with substance use and mental health problems for years and her post just brought me down…anyway, my blood was boiling but i didn’t want to post an overly mean and petty comment. i wrote, “people don’t really have much control over mental illness and you never know why someone uses drugs, it could be used as a coping mechanism for trauma. you never always know what someone has gone through. people are always able to bounce back or get a second chance at life, sorry but it doesn’t make you better than anyone else.” she ended up telling her mom (my aunt) who called me and started screaming at me that i embarrassed my cousin and that i’m almost 30 and that i’m too old to be arguing with a teenager (she’s 19…?) or trying to put her in her place, and that i’m just jealous of my cousin. jealous of what exactly? i don’t know if it was wrong of me to make that comment or if i should have not made a comment at all.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
&#x200b; my cousin is 19. i am 27. we’re not really that close and she kind of behaves like a brat but whatever. not really the point of the story lol. she posts to facebook the other day about how she’s the only one in her family (including our small extended family!) who’s not a fuckup and a disappointment like others in her family (siblings and cousins included) and that she doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t have any mental health problems (as in inpatient hospitalization, etc.) or involvement with the law and how proud of herself she is that she works a part time job, gets as and bs in school (she’s a junior in hs and she’s 19) and has a car. her exact words were “glad i’m not a crackhead junkie or a psycho in the mental hospital like some family members i know. glad i can do the family proud” i knew the post was related to me because i’m in long term recovery from prescription painkillers and have been hospitalized for mental health in the past (i’ve never been in trouble with the law though so idk who she was referring to there, prob her brother who got two duis). i recently got into a phd program after struggling with substance use and mental health problems for years and her post just brought me down…anyway, my blood was boiling but i didn’t want to post an overly mean and petty comment. i wrote, “people don’t really have much control over mental illness and you never know why someone uses drugs, it could be used as a coping mechanism for trauma. you never always know what someone has gone through. people are always able to bounce back or get a second chance at life, sorry but it doesn’t make you better than anyone else.” she ended up telling her mom (my aunt) who called me and started screaming at me that i embarrassed my cousin and that i’m almost 30 and that i’m too old to be arguing with a teenager (she’s 19…?) or trying to put her in her place, and that i’m just jealous of my cousin. jealous of what exactly? i don’t know if it was wrong of me to make that comment or if i should have not made a comment at all. [/INST] nta you were very polite in my opinion and explained why her comment was hurtful and ignorant. the fact she had to go cry about it to mommy, tells you all you need to know really. also: hope you are doing better! don't let people like this bring you down. </s>
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AITA for not physically going to a parent-teacher meeting about my son?
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last week we got a call from one of my son's teachers asking to meet with us because he'd been disruptive and been getting bad grades in this particular class. i spoke to my son about this and he gave a believable version (where he wasn't necessarily innocent) of the events so i'm not that worried but i do want to have this meeting (because i still want to get the other side) . my ex wife organised the meeting and a particularly told her to choose any day this week except wednesday. what day did she choose? wednesday. this is my first day off in a long while and i had things i wanted to do, which i told my ex wife. i'd have to leave in the morning to get there in time. she said she heard me say i should choose wednesday and then argued its stupid and just an inconvenience for the teacher to move it now. she didn't want to seem unorganized or unprofessional since she could already be busy or made plans around this.
so i called the teacher myself and asked if she could move it and she said she in fact was available any day any time of the week for us as long as we warned her. could've even seen us today. i didn't want to just change it just in case my ex wife was busy so i asked if she (the teacher) minded if i just joined online through zoom or something. she jumped at this idea and said it was perfectly fine and she even had a webcam set up so it was fine. she even offered to just call me in case i didn't have wifi or connection. great. that was sorted. i called my ex wife back for this update and she first just said okay then hung up but then called again saying that i valued my day off more than my son's schooling and that i should be there for support. being there virtually is apparently not enough for a proper engagement. so she's mad now and i'm the bad guy. aita?
| 200 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j9wux9/aita_for_not_physically_going_to_a_parentteacher/
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2020-10-12 18:46:45
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nta - but hearing only your son's side and then saying, "i believe him, it's no big deal" is kind of checked out parenting. kids always downplay their bad behavior and you seem more than happy to get on that train, which is not great parenting. if it wasn't a big deal, there wouldn't be a conference required.
and your ex seems petty and spiteful. she definitely heard you, but chose to stick it to you for whatever reason.
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nta. it's a literal pandemic and virtual meetings of any kind should always be choice number one, personal dramas aside. sounds like she's just being a petty betty. i'd recommend scheduling any sort of meetings directly at the source to begin with since she sounds like a pain in the ass. get to the bush and get the worm first, or whatever that expression is
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nta. you’re fine with it, the teacher is fine with it, so the fact that the ex isn’t tends to indicate that she had an ulterior motive of inconveniencing you.
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nta gah! you showed up. your ex-wife intentionally made things difficult as possible for you & then was annoyed that you found a workaround
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nah. it is a viable option. don't be reassured too completely by a child's version of events. the travel day may still be necessary for you to go talk with your son. he will need your actual presence far more than the teacher will.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: last week we got a call from one of my son's teachers asking to meet with us because he'd been disruptive and been getting bad grades in this particular class. i spoke to my son about this and he gave a believable version (where he wasn't necessarily innocent) of the events so i'm not that worried but i do want to have this meeting (because i still want to get the other side) . my ex wife organised the meeting and a particularly told her to choose any day this week except wednesday. what day did she choose? wednesday. this is my first day off in a long while and i had things i wanted to do, which i told my ex wife. i'd have to leave in the morning to get there in time. she said she heard me say i should choose wednesday and then argued its stupid and just an inconvenience for the teacher to move it now. she didn't want to seem unorganized or unprofessional since she could already be busy or made plans around this. so i called the teacher myself and asked if she could move it and she said she in fact was available any day any time of the week for us as long as we warned her. could've even seen us today. i didn't want to just change it just in case my ex wife was busy so i asked if she (the teacher) minded if i just joined online through zoom or something. she jumped at this idea and said it was perfectly fine and she even had a webcam set up so it was fine. she even offered to just call me in case i didn't have wifi or connection. great. that was sorted. i called my ex wife back for this update and she first just said okay then hung up but then called again saying that i valued my day off more than my son's schooling and that i should be there for support. being there virtually is apparently not enough for a proper engagement. so she's mad now and i'm the bad guy. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
last week we got a call from one of my son's teachers asking to meet with us because he'd been disruptive and been getting bad grades in this particular class. i spoke to my son about this and he gave a believable version (where he wasn't necessarily innocent) of the events so i'm not that worried but i do want to have this meeting (because i still want to get the other side) . my ex wife organised the meeting and a particularly told her to choose any day this week except wednesday. what day did she choose? wednesday. this is my first day off in a long while and i had things i wanted to do, which i told my ex wife. i'd have to leave in the morning to get there in time. she said she heard me say i should choose wednesday and then argued its stupid and just an inconvenience for the teacher to move it now. she didn't want to seem unorganized or unprofessional since she could already be busy or made plans around this. so i called the teacher myself and asked if she could move it and she said she in fact was available any day any time of the week for us as long as we warned her. could've even seen us today. i didn't want to just change it just in case my ex wife was busy so i asked if she (the teacher) minded if i just joined online through zoom or something. she jumped at this idea and said it was perfectly fine and she even had a webcam set up so it was fine. she even offered to just call me in case i didn't have wifi or connection. great. that was sorted. i called my ex wife back for this update and she first just said okay then hung up but then called again saying that i valued my day off more than my son's schooling and that i should be there for support. being there virtually is apparently not enough for a proper engagement. so she's mad now and i'm the bad guy. aita? [/INST] nta - but hearing only your son's side and then saying, "i believe him, it's no big deal" is kind of checked out parenting. kids always downplay their bad behavior and you seem more than happy to get on that train, which is not great parenting. if it wasn't a big deal, there wouldn't be a conference required. and your ex seems petty and spiteful. she definitely heard you, but chose to stick it to you for whatever reason. </s>
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AITA for uninviting my best friend from my wife's birthday getaway?
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(i'm using a throwaway for this).
hi reddit, hope all is well.
my (f26) wife (f29) is turning 30 next week. we decided to find a large house on airbnb and have a bunch of friends come along for a 30th birthday celebration. my wife makes a solid income so we were able to afford a pretty big house for 5 days. it's a u-shaped 4 bedroom, 4 bathroom home and the master suite takes up the entire upstairs right side. it's the perfect house for this occasion.
so yesterday, me and the friends we decided to invite were all sitting in the kitchen when we told them they were coming. everyone was excited and pumped. my best friend (f27) was especially excited because i included her husband (m27) with us. they have a one-year-old together and haven't really had a break since he was born, so i figured some days off with friends would be nice. i told everyone about the house but i didn't show them or tell them too much because i want it to be a surprise.
well, i guess my best friend had her own plans because she straight up was like, "as long as we get the master suite." at first i thought she was joking but when we all laughed, she and her husband didn't. she had a dead serious look on her face. when i asked her if she was really serious, she said "well...yes. we've needed this since ethan was born, and since you're just celebrating a birthday, it shouldn't be that big of a deal to let us use the master suite."
you could hear a fucking pin drop. everyone's jaws were on the floor in disbelief. her husband agreed and went on about how hard a kid is and how new parents need all the luxury they can get. i couldn't believe what i was hearing. the only one that didn't hear it all was my wife and that's because she was at work. i told my best friend and her husband that i absolutely will not be letting them use the master suite, that i'm sorry it's been rough but it's my *wife's birthday*. literally the biggest birthday of your life next to your sweet 16th and your 18th. this is for her to be with me and all of our friends to celebrate, not for my best friend and her husband who need time away from their kid. i told both of them this and said that if they have an issue with it, then they're uninvited. they got up and left without saying anything.
when i told my wife about it later on, she sided with me (obviously). but i can't help but think that maybe i was too harsh. i still wouldn't want them thinking they can just have what they want just because they're tired parents. but then again that's just it, they're tired parents and need a break. was too harsh and went too far with uninviting them? aita?
| 287 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x8rjkw/aita_for_uninviting_my_best_friend_from_my_wifes/
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2022-09-08 05:25:56
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nta
that level of entitlement needs a solid boundary
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nta, and i’m really sick of entitled “parents” thinking the world needs to revolve around them because of an optional choice they made. if that’s the kind of break they need, they can plan a getaway themselves. ffs i hate your friends 🤦♀️
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nta at all
how entitled of your friend. she can have the master suite when she book a place like that and pay for it herself.
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nta. if they need to get away so badly they should rent their own place if they'd like to join the celebration. but it doesn't seem that they're thinking of sharing into your wife's birthday as much as they thought discounted personal vacation. continue your plans to celebrate how y'all want and let those entitled "friends" figure it out whether they will grow up or not. that's just so absurd for them to have the audacity to claim dibs on the master room of someone else's reservation. 🤦🏻♀️
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[deleted]
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nta but you forgot the other most important birthday.... the 21st!
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nta. they're getting free lodgings. as long as the acommodations are reasonable they should keep their mouth shut and be grateful or pay for their own lodgings.
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nta, but when did 30 get to be the biggest birthday of your life next to 18 & 21?
id say 10 is pretty big, also 50, 65 & 100.
😀
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ah, the biggest bedroom couple. i’ve been on vacation with them. once. nta
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nta. they can have the master bedroom if they pay for it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: (i'm using a throwaway for this). hi reddit, hope all is well. my (f26) wife (f29) is turning 30 next week. we decided to find a large house on airbnb and have a bunch of friends come along for a 30th birthday celebration. my wife makes a solid income so we were able to afford a pretty big house for 5 days. it's a u-shaped 4 bedroom, 4 bathroom home and the master suite takes up the entire upstairs right side. it's the perfect house for this occasion. so yesterday, me and the friends we decided to invite were all sitting in the kitchen when we told them they were coming. everyone was excited and pumped. my best friend (f27) was especially excited because i included her husband (m27) with us. they have a one-year-old together and haven't really had a break since he was born, so i figured some days off with friends would be nice. i told everyone about the house but i didn't show them or tell them too much because i want it to be a surprise. well, i guess my best friend had her own plans because she straight up was like, "as long as we get the master suite." at first i thought she was joking but when we all laughed, she and her husband didn't. she had a dead serious look on her face. when i asked her if she was really serious, she said "well...yes. we've needed this since ethan was born, and since you're just celebrating a birthday, it shouldn't be that big of a deal to let us use the master suite." you could hear a fucking pin drop. everyone's jaws were on the floor in disbelief. her husband agreed and went on about how hard a kid is and how new parents need all the luxury they can get. i couldn't believe what i was hearing. the only one that didn't hear it all was my wife and that's because she was at work. i told my best friend and her husband that i absolutely will not be letting them use the master suite, that i'm sorry it's been rough but it's my *wife's birthday*. literally the biggest birthday of your life next to your sweet 16th and your 18th. this is for her to be with me and all of our friends to celebrate, not for my best friend and her husband who need time away from their kid. i told both of them this and said that if they have an issue with it, then they're uninvited. they got up and left without saying anything. when i told my wife about it later on, she sided with me (obviously). but i can't help but think that maybe i was too harsh. i still wouldn't want them thinking they can just have what they want just because they're tired parents. but then again that's just it, they're tired parents and need a break. was too harsh and went too far with uninviting them? aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
(i'm using a throwaway for this). hi reddit, hope all is well. my (f26) wife (f29) is turning 30 next week. we decided to find a large house on airbnb and have a bunch of friends come along for a 30th birthday celebration. my wife makes a solid income so we were able to afford a pretty big house for 5 days. it's a u-shaped 4 bedroom, 4 bathroom home and the master suite takes up the entire upstairs right side. it's the perfect house for this occasion. so yesterday, me and the friends we decided to invite were all sitting in the kitchen when we told them they were coming. everyone was excited and pumped. my best friend (f27) was especially excited because i included her husband (m27) with us. they have a one-year-old together and haven't really had a break since he was born, so i figured some days off with friends would be nice. i told everyone about the house but i didn't show them or tell them too much because i want it to be a surprise. well, i guess my best friend had her own plans because she straight up was like, "as long as we get the master suite." at first i thought she was joking but when we all laughed, she and her husband didn't. she had a dead serious look on her face. when i asked her if she was really serious, she said "well...yes. we've needed this since ethan was born, and since you're just celebrating a birthday, it shouldn't be that big of a deal to let us use the master suite." you could hear a fucking pin drop. everyone's jaws were on the floor in disbelief. her husband agreed and went on about how hard a kid is and how new parents need all the luxury they can get. i couldn't believe what i was hearing. the only one that didn't hear it all was my wife and that's because she was at work. i told my best friend and her husband that i absolutely will not be letting them use the master suite, that i'm sorry it's been rough but it's my *wife's birthday*. literally the biggest birthday of your life next to your sweet 16th and your 18th. this is for her to be with me and all of our friends to celebrate, not for my best friend and her husband who need time away from their kid. i told both of them this and said that if they have an issue with it, then they're uninvited. they got up and left without saying anything. when i told my wife about it later on, she sided with me (obviously). but i can't help but think that maybe i was too harsh. i still wouldn't want them thinking they can just have what they want just because they're tired parents. but then again that's just it, they're tired parents and need a break. was too harsh and went too far with uninviting them? aita? [/INST] nta that level of entitlement needs a solid boundary </s>
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AITA for letting my boyfriend sleep over even though it inexplicably bothers my housemate?
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my housemate and i have been living together for about a year and a half. she suddenly has decided that she does not like my boyfriend sleeping over as often as he does (which admittedly is quite often). they are (were) friends as well, so he is not a stranger to her. she has told me that it is "disruptive" to her life, though she has never explained how, despite me asking each time this has been brought up.
my boyfriend is never in the common areas of the house. only in my room, behind a closed door, only at night when we are sleeping. we go out most evenings, and only come back to my place to sleep. she also is rarely home in the evenings (she is a barfly), and also only comes home to sleep. he does not leave anything in the rest of the house. they come face to face maybe once or twice a week for less than a minute in passing (now that my boyfriend knows she doesn't like him there, he avoids her as much as possible despite the fact we used to all be friends).
i could understand how he would be disruptive if he were hanging out on the couch or taking up the bathroom, etc. but he literally only stays in my room to sleep, and maybe take a piss in the morning before leaving. i don't think we are loud as that has never been brought up in the complaint.
when she initially brought it up, i told her that i don't think she has a right to dictate who is in my room or when, if they are not affecting her or getting in her way, and i would give her that same respect of her room as well.
when asking her how his presence behind a closed door of my room bothers her, she says i'm "arguing semantics" (?????). i have offered to compromise if she could explain what the issue is, but again, i haven't gotten a direct answer about that.
now, my boyfriend and i mostly avoid her, but she has just gone to the landlord and it has created this big drama, and she's telling me she wants me to move out because i am "not living civilly" with her by "brushing [her] off."
am i the asshole for thinking and telling her i should be allowed to have whomever i want in my own room whenever i want, especially when she won't explain why or how it is "disruptive" to her?? i don't think that the only way to "compromise" is to have to obey her...?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c40uyc/aita_for_letting_my_boyfriend_sleep_over_even/
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2019-06-23 08:02:27
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yta. had the same situation. she doesn’t want him there and you admit he’s there often. doesn’t matter that he “stays in the room the whole time”. she didn’t sign up to live with him. why can’t you go to his house?
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yta. sleeping over 4-5 nights a week isn’t okay. she signed up to only live with you-not you and your boyfriend. you sound like a pretty bad roommate. she pays rent and her level of comfort in her own home matters too and obviously having a dude around prevents her from doing the things she might wanna do in her own house (such as walking around in her underwear). i find it hard to believe that he stays over that often and doesn’t make use of the common areas-especially the bathroom. you’re obviously not giving the whole story here. and idt she has to give you anymore reason other than the fact that she’s uncomfortable. she’s paying to live there, he’s not. good for her for bringing this to the landlords attention.
and as a quick
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yta for making your compromising conditional.
she doesn't owe you an explanation for why 4-5 nights per week is too often for someone that isn't on the lease to stay over. you've significantly altered your shared living arrangements without consulting her.
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yta - if he stays 4-5 nights a week, he needs to be paying rent. even though he “just sleeps there”, if she only used it as a place to sleep she would still be paying rent.
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yta: if he is going to be there 4-5nights. he needs to be paying rent. its unfair to your housemate(s).
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yta.
something obviously bothers her about your boyfriend’s presence. while it would be courteous of her to say *what* exactly, the burden is not on her. you’ve changed her living arrangements by taking in another resident (effectively, given that he lives there most of the time) without her consent.
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yta. when you have guests over your house you have to act different. and if he's there 4-5 times a week that's excessive. just go move in with him some place. it could also very well be against the lease. i've had leases where it limited the number of nights guests could stay over in order to limit people from becoming defacto residents. also i'm very inclined to believe this is a very one sided story skewed in op's favor. we are missing crucial info i'm sure.
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yta. she didn’t “suddenly” decide she doesn’t want your boyfriend basically living there. she was probably always uncomfortable with it but finally decided to talk to you about it. you need to have him over less or move out.
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i have been the room mate in this situation, and it is super-shitty. if he is spending four nights a week and not paying rent that is not okay. it changes the comfort level in the home tremendously to have a dude there all the time. either he pays rent or both of you need to move out.
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yta. literally having this exact situation happen to me right now, where my roommate has basically moved their girlfriend into our apartnent, so maybe i'm a little biased. to all the people saying the roommate is being "cagey" by not saying why she doesn't want the boyfriend there it's possible she just can't articulate it, but it just feels off when you know another person is in your home. in the end she agreed to one roommate not two, even if they're "quiet" (you're probably louder than you think op).
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my housemate and i have been living together for about a year and a half. she suddenly has decided that she does not like my boyfriend sleeping over as often as he does (which admittedly is quite often). they are (were) friends as well, so he is not a stranger to her. she has told me that it is "disruptive" to her life, though she has never explained how, despite me asking each time this has been brought up. my boyfriend is never in the common areas of the house. only in my room, behind a closed door, only at night when we are sleeping. we go out most evenings, and only come back to my place to sleep. she also is rarely home in the evenings (she is a barfly), and also only comes home to sleep. he does not leave anything in the rest of the house. they come face to face maybe once or twice a week for less than a minute in passing (now that my boyfriend knows she doesn't like him there, he avoids her as much as possible despite the fact we used to all be friends). i could understand how he would be disruptive if he were hanging out on the couch or taking up the bathroom, etc. but he literally only stays in my room to sleep, and maybe take a piss in the morning before leaving. i don't think we are loud as that has never been brought up in the complaint. when she initially brought it up, i told her that i don't think she has a right to dictate who is in my room or when, if they are not affecting her or getting in her way, and i would give her that same respect of her room as well. when asking her how his presence behind a closed door of my room bothers her, she says i'm "arguing semantics" (?????). i have offered to compromise if she could explain what the issue is, but again, i haven't gotten a direct answer about that. now, my boyfriend and i mostly avoid her, but she has just gone to the landlord and it has created this big drama, and she's telling me she wants me to move out because i am "not living civilly" with her by "brushing [her] off." am i the asshole for thinking and telling her i should be allowed to have whomever i want in my own room whenever i want, especially when she won't explain why or how it is "disruptive" to her?? i don't think that the only way to "compromise" is to have to obey her...?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my housemate and i have been living together for about a year and a half. she suddenly has decided that she does not like my boyfriend sleeping over as often as he does (which admittedly is quite often). they are (were) friends as well, so he is not a stranger to her. she has told me that it is "disruptive" to her life, though she has never explained how, despite me asking each time this has been brought up. my boyfriend is never in the common areas of the house. only in my room, behind a closed door, only at night when we are sleeping. we go out most evenings, and only come back to my place to sleep. she also is rarely home in the evenings (she is a barfly), and also only comes home to sleep. he does not leave anything in the rest of the house. they come face to face maybe once or twice a week for less than a minute in passing (now that my boyfriend knows she doesn't like him there, he avoids her as much as possible despite the fact we used to all be friends). i could understand how he would be disruptive if he were hanging out on the couch or taking up the bathroom, etc. but he literally only stays in my room to sleep, and maybe take a piss in the morning before leaving. i don't think we are loud as that has never been brought up in the complaint. when she initially brought it up, i told her that i don't think she has a right to dictate who is in my room or when, if they are not affecting her or getting in her way, and i would give her that same respect of her room as well. when asking her how his presence behind a closed door of my room bothers her, she says i'm "arguing semantics" (?????). i have offered to compromise if she could explain what the issue is, but again, i haven't gotten a direct answer about that. now, my boyfriend and i mostly avoid her, but she has just gone to the landlord and it has created this big drama, and she's telling me she wants me to move out because i am "not living civilly" with her by "brushing [her] off." am i the asshole for thinking and telling her i should be allowed to have whomever i want in my own room whenever i want, especially when she won't explain why or how it is "disruptive" to her?? i don't think that the only way to "compromise" is to have to obey her...? [/INST] yta. had the same situation. she doesn’t want him there and you admit he’s there often. doesn’t matter that he “stays in the room the whole time”. she didn’t sign up to live with him. why can’t you go to his house? </s>
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AITA for excluding myself from my husband’s company?
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my husband started a business 3 years ago with just us two. he’d go do jobs and i’d basically be a secretary. my husband was getting more jobs than he could manage so he asked his brother to help. bil was going on jobs so often that he gave him a permanent spot in the business. this took some stress off my husband.
we also have twins (5f) that i’m with all day. i’m currently pregnant with our third child who will be due in 3 weeks. when i was about 7 months pregnant, i asked my husband if we could get his parents to take over my job from now until i recover. he was for it saying “do what’s best for you”. his parents agreed but still wanted me to feel included. so i was responsible for advertising and printing things if they needed it (the in laws don’t have a printer at their house, they also said they don’t know how to use one).
any time i would type up an ad or if i was printing something out, i would always show them before doing so in case they wanted to add something. well, fil always says “everything looks fine to me” but his mom found issues. one time i had to order more business cards and everyone told me to keep it simple. all i put was the business name, phone numbers, and the slogan. before i ordered them, my husband showed his family what they would look like. mil had a problem with the font, color, size of the words. another time i was supposed to print flyers for a festival. she, again, found issues with the size, font, she didn’t like the way i worded some things and asked me why i only put her husband’s number. basically anything that i came up with or any ads that i put together, she had a problem with it. i didn’t mind fixing it. what she’s saying isn’t really bad. it’s the way she says them.
the other day i made invoices and on one i forgot to put our return address. she made it a point to call me and ask “can you print me some blank invoices so i can write the address myself?”
last night my husband came home in an off mood. i asked him what was wrong and he said that him and his mom got into it because apparently she didn’t like the logo i made. my husband told her that i wasn’t going to change it, to which his mom responded “if she made it look good to begin with i wouldn’t have said anything”.
today i sat down with my husband to tell him that i won’t be involved anymore. i said he can take the printer and computer over to his parents house and that her constantly finding something wrong with everything i do was stressing me out. he said he understood and he would have a conversation with her.
mil called me berating me about starting an argument between her and her son. that i wasn’t helping anyone being a part of the company. “don’t bother asking for the job back because you just lost it.” i told her it wasn’t her decision to make, it was my husband’s.
my husband is upset. he keeps telling me it’s not my fault. but now i feel like an ass because i should have just dealt with it.
| 1,854 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uylbgy/aita_for_excluding_myself_from_my_husbands_company/
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2022-05-27 00:09:24
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nta. listen to your husband. he's right. it's mil's fault and mil's problem. keep yourself as stress-free as possible and congrats on the upcoming baby.
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so nta, and you should not have to deal with her at all. the fact that she called you after your husband talked to her shows what an absolute ass she is. you’re extremely pregnant and she thinks nothing of stressing you out on purpose. please block her number so she can’t call you. i’m extremely glad your husband is on your side, because there are many stories on here where that’s not the case. however, your husband needs to tell her in unequivocal terms that the business is his and yours; that she has no say in anything, that her opinion was asked for only as a courtesy. and that once you are ready, you will take your place in the company again. if she doesn’t like it, you can look for a temp and she can kick rocks. i’m sorry you have to deal with such an awful person.
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nta.
i'm happy to hear your husband has your back, and he gets points for being the "absorbent layer" between his crabby mom and his awesome and very pregnant wife who has more important stuff to focus on than fussing with in-laws.
best of luck with your new baby; i hope everything goes smoothly, and your in-laws figure things out well enough to hold things together with the business until it's a good time for you to return... or until your husband is able to hire someone.
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nope , nta. your mil likes to be in control and wants to just have you at her beck and call.
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nta. your mil is letting her "authority", i guess you can call it that, go to her head. she's being nasty to you for no real reason and you didn't do anything wrong; if she knows how to do everything better then let her. you didn't make an assignment between them, her weird ego trip did.
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nta since you're very pregnant and it's reasonable for you to want to take time off for the new baby anyway, but maaaaybe you guys should actually hire someone to replace you rather than bringing on family members who are just going to argue and nitpick. just because your husband works well with his brother doesn't mean *everyone* in his family needs to be involved.
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nta - mil is acting like she is in charge. it is the usual "my son runs the company so i can do what ever i want". so she is trying to bend what ever she can to "what she thinks is right" whether or not it is what dh wants or what is good for the company. she needs to set her ego aside and she is not doing that.
what dh needs to do is hire an admin and have them do all of that work. take it away from his mom who doesn't want to acknowledge that she isn't in charge. and take it off your hands because your hands are full right now with three kids.
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nta - you have small twins and you're pregnant; your husband can deal with his mother.
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nta. you do whatever you need to do. sounds like your mil needs to learn to voice her expectations before the fact. i am definitely glad to hear that in this story that it sounds like your husband has had your back the whole way. i've read too many about the husband/fiance still being stuck to their moms teat.
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nta, just because mil wants her time to shine and stand out doesn’t mean you can’t voice your opinion to your significant other.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband started a business 3 years ago with just us two. he’d go do jobs and i’d basically be a secretary. my husband was getting more jobs than he could manage so he asked his brother to help. bil was going on jobs so often that he gave him a permanent spot in the business. this took some stress off my husband. we also have twins (5f) that i’m with all day. i’m currently pregnant with our third child who will be due in 3 weeks. when i was about 7 months pregnant, i asked my husband if we could get his parents to take over my job from now until i recover. he was for it saying “do what’s best for you”. his parents agreed but still wanted me to feel included. so i was responsible for advertising and printing things if they needed it (the in laws don’t have a printer at their house, they also said they don’t know how to use one). any time i would type up an ad or if i was printing something out, i would always show them before doing so in case they wanted to add something. well, fil always says “everything looks fine to me” but his mom found issues. one time i had to order more business cards and everyone told me to keep it simple. all i put was the business name, phone numbers, and the slogan. before i ordered them, my husband showed his family what they would look like. mil had a problem with the font, color, size of the words. another time i was supposed to print flyers for a festival. she, again, found issues with the size, font, she didn’t like the way i worded some things and asked me why i only put her husband’s number. basically anything that i came up with or any ads that i put together, she had a problem with it. i didn’t mind fixing it. what she’s saying isn’t really bad. it’s the way she says them. the other day i made invoices and on one i forgot to put our return address. she made it a point to call me and ask “can you print me some blank invoices so i can write the address myself?” last night my husband came home in an off mood. i asked him what was wrong and he said that him and his mom got into it because apparently she didn’t like the logo i made. my husband told her that i wasn’t going to change it, to which his mom responded “if she made it look good to begin with i wouldn’t have said anything”. today i sat down with my husband to tell him that i won’t be involved anymore. i said he can take the printer and computer over to his parents house and that her constantly finding something wrong with everything i do was stressing me out. he said he understood and he would have a conversation with her. mil called me berating me about starting an argument between her and her son. that i wasn’t helping anyone being a part of the company. “don’t bother asking for the job back because you just lost it.” i told her it wasn’t her decision to make, it was my husband’s. my husband is upset. he keeps telling me it’s not my fault. but now i feel like an ass because i should have just dealt with it.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband started a business 3 years ago with just us two. he’d go do jobs and i’d basically be a secretary. my husband was getting more jobs than he could manage so he asked his brother to help. bil was going on jobs so often that he gave him a permanent spot in the business. this took some stress off my husband. we also have twins (5f) that i’m with all day. i’m currently pregnant with our third child who will be due in 3 weeks. when i was about 7 months pregnant, i asked my husband if we could get his parents to take over my job from now until i recover. he was for it saying “do what’s best for you”. his parents agreed but still wanted me to feel included. so i was responsible for advertising and printing things if they needed it (the in laws don’t have a printer at their house, they also said they don’t know how to use one). any time i would type up an ad or if i was printing something out, i would always show them before doing so in case they wanted to add something. well, fil always says “everything looks fine to me” but his mom found issues. one time i had to order more business cards and everyone told me to keep it simple. all i put was the business name, phone numbers, and the slogan. before i ordered them, my husband showed his family what they would look like. mil had a problem with the font, color, size of the words. another time i was supposed to print flyers for a festival. she, again, found issues with the size, font, she didn’t like the way i worded some things and asked me why i only put her husband’s number. basically anything that i came up with or any ads that i put together, she had a problem with it. i didn’t mind fixing it. what she’s saying isn’t really bad. it’s the way she says them. the other day i made invoices and on one i forgot to put our return address. she made it a point to call me and ask “can you print me some blank invoices so i can write the address myself?” last night my husband came home in an off mood. i asked him what was wrong and he said that him and his mom got into it because apparently she didn’t like the logo i made. my husband told her that i wasn’t going to change it, to which his mom responded “if she made it look good to begin with i wouldn’t have said anything”. today i sat down with my husband to tell him that i won’t be involved anymore. i said he can take the printer and computer over to his parents house and that her constantly finding something wrong with everything i do was stressing me out. he said he understood and he would have a conversation with her. mil called me berating me about starting an argument between her and her son. that i wasn’t helping anyone being a part of the company. “don’t bother asking for the job back because you just lost it.” i told her it wasn’t her decision to make, it was my husband’s. my husband is upset. he keeps telling me it’s not my fault. but now i feel like an ass because i should have just dealt with it. [/INST] nta. listen to your husband. he's right. it's mil's fault and mil's problem. keep yourself as stress-free as possible and congrats on the upcoming baby. </s>
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AITA for being a clock watcher?
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some context, i (18f) made the mistake of joining a company that one of my parents also works at. we work in different departments and despite my parent being an upper manager, they don’t technically have any control over my job. also key, they have shares in the company and i don’t (despite being promised).
the conflict: i start my day at exactly 9:00am and end it exactly at 5:00. i don’t work a minute over. i take my lunch from 12:30-1:30. i have in the last worked overtime, but this is very rare and only when there is an emergency situation so other people don’t have to fix the problem all by themselves.
my parents works all hours of the day, barely takes lunch. they get very stressed. today they called me both ‘stupid’ and ‘lazy’ for sticking to my contracted hours. lazy because i don’t work longer and stupid because they view the extra hours as integral to my career development (this is not my chosen career path fyi).
i don’t view the hours after 5:00pm as more important or better training the the 8 hours i worked before it.
so reddit aita? should i be more willing to work longer hours unpaid? would this actually help me develop skills quicker?
| 1,201 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t6iuu7/aita_for_being_a_clock_watcher/
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2022-03-04 13:21:51
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nta… take your lunch and work your hours. there is life outside of that job
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nta, especially if you’re a salaried employee.
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nta there’s no incentive for you to work more than your specified hours. that’s what you’re being paid for, anything more is you volunteering your time to the company. your parents, however, get additional money from their shares; the amount of effort and time they put into the jobs can directly impact how much money they bring home.
tell them if they think you should be working extra hours, you should be receiving extra financial compensation for it.
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nta.
it likely a generational thing. you’re not living in the same reality as your parents, economically speaking. it is far less common for someone your age to view a job the way earlier generations did. the “old” way of thinking about employment don’t hold water for the current and up coming generations.
this isn’t a career for you. you are working the hours that you are contracted for, and there is nothing wrong with that. they are career employees, and they still have the old “above and beyond” mentality. that may very well have worked out for them, but it isn’t that way now.
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i misread the title of this thread.
nta. the expectation that people work for free is part of the problem. if everyone took your approach, people in general would be happier.
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nta. at my job the expectation is that everyone works extra hours that we don’t get paid for. i only work my contracted hours. no more and no less. i prioritize me. i prioritize time with my family. when you die your job will forget about you. that extra time will mean nothing to them
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nta, and for the love of god don't let your parents convince you otherwise.
the world where the company rewards you for hard work doesn't exist anymore.
if the company is already breaking their promise of giving you stock in the company, then why should you believe that going the extra mile for them is going to be rewarded.
additionally, i'm going to assume that you have an hourly position and not a salaried one, which is even more reason why you should value your time.
if you're brave, you should even point out to them that you see them putting in all these extra hours and all they seem to get out of it is extra stress and that isn't appealing to you; especially if they are salaried and are in actuality taking pay cuts to work overtime.
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nta. if they're in different departments, what you do is none of their business, if the furthest your parent has made it by latching onto this company is middle management and some shares, newsflash, working themselves to the bone hasn't done anything for their career development either.
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nta
your parents are clearly more invested in the company than you are. have you talked to them about this? they clearly don’t have a work life balance if they’re working all the time but that’s ok too, it doesn’t make you ta just because work isn’t your whole life
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work to live, don’t live to work. nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: some context, i (18f) made the mistake of joining a company that one of my parents also works at. we work in different departments and despite my parent being an upper manager, they don’t technically have any control over my job. also key, they have shares in the company and i don’t (despite being promised). the conflict: i start my day at exactly 9:00am and end it exactly at 5:00. i don’t work a minute over. i take my lunch from 12:30-1:30. i have in the last worked overtime, but this is very rare and only when there is an emergency situation so other people don’t have to fix the problem all by themselves. my parents works all hours of the day, barely takes lunch. they get very stressed. today they called me both ‘stupid’ and ‘lazy’ for sticking to my contracted hours. lazy because i don’t work longer and stupid because they view the extra hours as integral to my career development (this is not my chosen career path fyi). i don’t view the hours after 5:00pm as more important or better training the the 8 hours i worked before it. so reddit aita? should i be more willing to work longer hours unpaid? would this actually help me develop skills quicker?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
some context, i (18f) made the mistake of joining a company that one of my parents also works at. we work in different departments and despite my parent being an upper manager, they don’t technically have any control over my job. also key, they have shares in the company and i don’t (despite being promised). the conflict: i start my day at exactly 9:00am and end it exactly at 5:00. i don’t work a minute over. i take my lunch from 12:30-1:30. i have in the last worked overtime, but this is very rare and only when there is an emergency situation so other people don’t have to fix the problem all by themselves. my parents works all hours of the day, barely takes lunch. they get very stressed. today they called me both ‘stupid’ and ‘lazy’ for sticking to my contracted hours. lazy because i don’t work longer and stupid because they view the extra hours as integral to my career development (this is not my chosen career path fyi). i don’t view the hours after 5:00pm as more important or better training the the 8 hours i worked before it. so reddit aita? should i be more willing to work longer hours unpaid? would this actually help me develop skills quicker? [/INST] nta… take your lunch and work your hours. there is life outside of that job </s>
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AITA For showing up to my exes house after our daughter sent me a concerning message?
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i and my ex split when our daughter (13) was about two, and have always had split custody, 50/50. my ex remarried when our daughter was five, and now has two younger kids. her husband also has a son our daughters age.
i pay for a phone for her so she can keep in contact with both of us, she's smart with it and its never been an issue before. when she's at her moms she texts me quite a bit, she has cats here she wants to be updated on mostly.
anyway, i dropped her off at school on monday, and her mom picked her up like usual. she texted me on and off through school, and once more when she was picked up, but i didnt hear from her again that day.
it was strange, she always messages me before bed - but i brushed it off, she's growing up. she'll stop texting me goodnight one day.
on tuesday no messages again, so i shoot a text to her mom, who doesnt reply. after school i finally get a text from my daughter, which literally reads, "daddy help". thats it, no response after i messaged her back. obviously i'm thinking a hundred and one things.
i text her mom and call her, no reply. so i hop in my car and drive over, and... she's fine. ish. she sees me, comes bolting out, asks if i can bring her home.
i have a lot of questions, but apparently so does her stepdad. he comes storming out, asks what i think i'm doing, etc. its their week, i shouldn't be picking her up yet.
i explain my issue, he gets all big guy, and yells at my daughter for scaring me, which was not taken lightly by me.
anyway, turns out they were on an "electronics detox" and all electronics have been locked away. my daughter got upset on monday night and her stepbrother made fun of her, which continued through to the next day at school. she snuck onto her phone when she got home to text me, but got caught and had it locked away further.
her mom got home a few minutes after the initial argument, and i told her she shouldnt be doing something like this with my daughter without my approval. that phone is my property, and i say she can use it to contact me if need be. lock it up during the day if you must, but let her say goodnight at least.
she apologised for that, but stuck by her husband in the fact that i shouldnt of just shown up.
i told her i texted her, she said her phone was also in lock up, so i should of tried the housephone or her work phone. personally i think calling her place of work to discuss our kid is absurd, and i dont have their house phones number.
i took my daughter home as she didnt want to stay, but its been tense. obviously they arent communicating because they're still on detox, but my parents have since agreed with her, claiming that she's the other parent and if anything happened to her i would of been told, i need to trust her judgement, etc.
which i get, but she wasnt responding, either.
so, aita? did i overreact?
| 12,774 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u3hc81/aita_for_showing_up_to_my_exes_house_after_our/
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2022-04-14 13:17:08
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nta. you litterally received a text that says "daddy help". checking in person was exactly what a father is supposed to do in this situation imho.
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nta the only acceptable reaction to receiving a "daddy help" text out of the blue is to immediately drop what you're doing to get to wherever she is, especially when you've tried to reach her other parent but got no response.
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nta
you get a text that reads "daddy help" and no response to any communication, you're going to come flying over. there are people who would have broken down the door to get to her.
should put the pressure on them about the shear irresponsibility here. they can't be reached in an emergency, but i bet if you didn't respond to them, they would be up in arms. there could have been any number of emergencies on either side and their just out of contact because they have some obsession with the idea of not using a phone.
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nta. "daddy help" - they are lucky you didn't call the police. they needed to give you a heads up that your daughter would be out of communication for a few days. when you're used to hearing from her daily it would raise a major red flag if she suddenly stopped. that one text you did receive would have sent me flying to their house!
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so they cut off all avenue's of communication without any warning and then are surprised when you jump into action when you get a single text saying 'daddy help'. you should let your lawyer know that they decided to cut off all communication with your daughter during their custody time.
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i too have a 13 year old daughter (and a 10 year old daughter, too). both have phones. if i got a "daddy help" text, god almighty wouldn't get in my fucking way until i found out exactly what the problem was and what it's resolution would be. fuck your ex and her husband! you did absolutely the right thing. nta.
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nta - you didn't overreact. they should have informed you of what they were doing with the "detox", which, to me sound incredibly stupid. especially for a 13 year old girl.
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nta
your ex was the asshole; who does something like this *without informing the other parent*? i think it would have been fine to enforce the "electronic detox" at her house, if she had *told* you about it in advance, so you didn't panic when your daughter didn't text you like normal. which is exactly what happened.
i can't *really* blame your daughter for the "daddy help" text. although the "obvious" thing to do would be to call you from the landline (or insist her mother do so) as soon as the phone was confiscated, not steal her phone and send you a 911 text, i'm not really surprised that a child didn't think of that.
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nope. nta. first of all, your ex should have let you know about this in case of emergencies. second, you never ignore actual “help” requests from your kids. and if you’re not sure if they need real help, you go investigate. kid is stuck at the top of a climbing structure? ok, don’t help them, but support them with your words as they climb down themselves. thrashing in the deep end of a swimming pool? absolutely go in and grab them. but you don’t know until you check it out so in this case, i think you did exactly the right thing.
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nta. after unusual silence, you got a text message that said 'daddy help' couldn't reach your child or her other parent? what else were you supposed to do? sure you could have contacted your ex at work but she hadn't answered your text so how were you to know she was even at work?
easy solution would have been for your ex to send you a message advising you of their digital detox. even then, you're likely to have a right to communicate with your child when she's not in your custody. your kid is 13, her wishes also matter especially since an argument between siblings, step or otherwise, does not justify the grounding of the victim of sibling bullying.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i and my ex split when our daughter (13) was about two, and have always had split custody, 50/50. my ex remarried when our daughter was five, and now has two younger kids. her husband also has a son our daughters age. i pay for a phone for her so she can keep in contact with both of us, she's smart with it and its never been an issue before. when she's at her moms she texts me quite a bit, she has cats here she wants to be updated on mostly. anyway, i dropped her off at school on monday, and her mom picked her up like usual. she texted me on and off through school, and once more when she was picked up, but i didnt hear from her again that day. it was strange, she always messages me before bed - but i brushed it off, she's growing up. she'll stop texting me goodnight one day. on tuesday no messages again, so i shoot a text to her mom, who doesnt reply. after school i finally get a text from my daughter, which literally reads, "daddy help". thats it, no response after i messaged her back. obviously i'm thinking a hundred and one things. i text her mom and call her, no reply. so i hop in my car and drive over, and... she's fine. ish. she sees me, comes bolting out, asks if i can bring her home. i have a lot of questions, but apparently so does her stepdad. he comes storming out, asks what i think i'm doing, etc. its their week, i shouldn't be picking her up yet. i explain my issue, he gets all big guy, and yells at my daughter for scaring me, which was not taken lightly by me. anyway, turns out they were on an "electronics detox" and all electronics have been locked away. my daughter got upset on monday night and her stepbrother made fun of her, which continued through to the next day at school. she snuck onto her phone when she got home to text me, but got caught and had it locked away further. her mom got home a few minutes after the initial argument, and i told her she shouldnt be doing something like this with my daughter without my approval. that phone is my property, and i say she can use it to contact me if need be. lock it up during the day if you must, but let her say goodnight at least. she apologised for that, but stuck by her husband in the fact that i shouldnt of just shown up. i told her i texted her, she said her phone was also in lock up, so i should of tried the housephone or her work phone. personally i think calling her place of work to discuss our kid is absurd, and i dont have their house phones number. i took my daughter home as she didnt want to stay, but its been tense. obviously they arent communicating because they're still on detox, but my parents have since agreed with her, claiming that she's the other parent and if anything happened to her i would of been told, i need to trust her judgement, etc. which i get, but she wasnt responding, either. so, aita? did i overreact?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i and my ex split when our daughter (13) was about two, and have always had split custody, 50/50. my ex remarried when our daughter was five, and now has two younger kids. her husband also has a son our daughters age. i pay for a phone for her so she can keep in contact with both of us, she's smart with it and its never been an issue before. when she's at her moms she texts me quite a bit, she has cats here she wants to be updated on mostly. anyway, i dropped her off at school on monday, and her mom picked her up like usual. she texted me on and off through school, and once more when she was picked up, but i didnt hear from her again that day. it was strange, she always messages me before bed - but i brushed it off, she's growing up. she'll stop texting me goodnight one day. on tuesday no messages again, so i shoot a text to her mom, who doesnt reply. after school i finally get a text from my daughter, which literally reads, "daddy help". thats it, no response after i messaged her back. obviously i'm thinking a hundred and one things. i text her mom and call her, no reply. so i hop in my car and drive over, and... she's fine. ish. she sees me, comes bolting out, asks if i can bring her home. i have a lot of questions, but apparently so does her stepdad. he comes storming out, asks what i think i'm doing, etc. its their week, i shouldn't be picking her up yet. i explain my issue, he gets all big guy, and yells at my daughter for scaring me, which was not taken lightly by me. anyway, turns out they were on an "electronics detox" and all electronics have been locked away. my daughter got upset on monday night and her stepbrother made fun of her, which continued through to the next day at school. she snuck onto her phone when she got home to text me, but got caught and had it locked away further. her mom got home a few minutes after the initial argument, and i told her she shouldnt be doing something like this with my daughter without my approval. that phone is my property, and i say she can use it to contact me if need be. lock it up during the day if you must, but let her say goodnight at least. she apologised for that, but stuck by her husband in the fact that i shouldnt of just shown up. i told her i texted her, she said her phone was also in lock up, so i should of tried the housephone or her work phone. personally i think calling her place of work to discuss our kid is absurd, and i dont have their house phones number. i took my daughter home as she didnt want to stay, but its been tense. obviously they arent communicating because they're still on detox, but my parents have since agreed with her, claiming that she's the other parent and if anything happened to her i would of been told, i need to trust her judgement, etc. which i get, but she wasnt responding, either. so, aita? did i overreact? [/INST] nta. you litterally received a text that says "daddy help". checking in person was exactly what a father is supposed to do in this situation imho. </s>
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AITA for telling my GF not to sing.
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my old high school friends and i met up last night. my gf was excited to meet them and repeatedly told me she wants to make a good impression because she knows we're still close even if we can't see each other often.
for context, my girlfriend is a terrible singer. i've heard her in the shower, and she's very bad. the bar we met up at had karaoke, and my girlfriend was immediately like, i want to sing. some of my friends were already there and rifling through the song book, so my girlfriend started looking too. i went and got us some drinks, and when i came back she'd written down the songs she was thinking about. she asked me which songs i thought she should sing.
she had edge of seventeen, cherry bomb and a couple other songs that require powerful vocals written down. i said i didn't think those songs were a good fit for her voice. she asked what i thought might be better, and i shrugged and said, maybe singing wasn't the best idea.
she looked upset but didn't say anything. she pouted the whole rest of the night, hardly interacting with my friends at all. at the end of the night, some of my friends asked me if she was ill or something, and i said it was her monthlies to make an excuse for her. she continued to pout in the car on the way home.
i apologized for telling her not to sing, but also pointed out she was rude to the friends she said she wanted to make a good impression on. i was just trying to keep her from embarrassing herself. she didn't respond and still isn't texting me back. aita?
| 5,635 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vk0ctt/aita_for_telling_my_gf_not_to_sing/
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2022-06-24 22:36:28
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yta and she wasn’t rude you were. most people who do karaoke can’t sing anyway. she just wanted to have a good time and i’m sure your friends wouldn’t care how she sounds
it comes off as you being embarrassed of her too
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i do feel like yta. karaoke is not only for good singers. you talking about runaways' cherry bomb? you can basically shout that song. it's karaoke, not open mic night!
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yta. for policing her, for telling your friends she was "on her monthly" for minimizing her reaction to you being controlling and calling it "pouting".
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yeah...yta. very few people who sing at karaoke are actually good it.. its just a laugh.
plus blaming her "monthlies"?? way to kick a gal while she's down.
i hope she wakes up and finds someone who will get on up and sing terrible karaoke with her one day because you are an ass.
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'i insulted my girlfriend publicly, told everyone she was on the rag and now she's upset. what did i do wrong?'
yta
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yta.
you weren't keeping her from embarrassing herself, she obviously doesn't care that she can't sing, she just wanted to have a good time.
you were keeping from embarrassing you in front of your friends. tell it like it is pal.
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yta
you weren't worried about her embarrassing herself, you were worried about her embarrassing you.
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holy shit yta. karaoke is fun. it’s not a fucking musical competition. you probably made her feel embarrassed and put down. how was she then supposed to feel comfortable interacting with a bunch of strangers she wanted to impress after you destroyed her confidence?
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“at the end of the night, some of my friends asked me if she was ill or something, and i said it was her monthlies to make an excuse for her.”
she didn’t need an excuse…you did. why didn’t you just tell your friends what you said to her?? umm…cuz your friends would have told you that was an asshole move!?
karaoke is for fun! it’s not “america’s got talent” or “the voice.” she wanted to join in on a fun time with your friends and you were a jerk.
yta
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yta
talked crap on her singing then said she was on her period.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my old high school friends and i met up last night. my gf was excited to meet them and repeatedly told me she wants to make a good impression because she knows we're still close even if we can't see each other often. for context, my girlfriend is a terrible singer. i've heard her in the shower, and she's very bad. the bar we met up at had karaoke, and my girlfriend was immediately like, i want to sing. some of my friends were already there and rifling through the song book, so my girlfriend started looking too. i went and got us some drinks, and when i came back she'd written down the songs she was thinking about. she asked me which songs i thought she should sing. she had edge of seventeen, cherry bomb and a couple other songs that require powerful vocals written down. i said i didn't think those songs were a good fit for her voice. she asked what i thought might be better, and i shrugged and said, maybe singing wasn't the best idea. she looked upset but didn't say anything. she pouted the whole rest of the night, hardly interacting with my friends at all. at the end of the night, some of my friends asked me if she was ill or something, and i said it was her monthlies to make an excuse for her. she continued to pout in the car on the way home. i apologized for telling her not to sing, but also pointed out she was rude to the friends she said she wanted to make a good impression on. i was just trying to keep her from embarrassing herself. she didn't respond and still isn't texting me back. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my old high school friends and i met up last night. my gf was excited to meet them and repeatedly told me she wants to make a good impression because she knows we're still close even if we can't see each other often. for context, my girlfriend is a terrible singer. i've heard her in the shower, and she's very bad. the bar we met up at had karaoke, and my girlfriend was immediately like, i want to sing. some of my friends were already there and rifling through the song book, so my girlfriend started looking too. i went and got us some drinks, and when i came back she'd written down the songs she was thinking about. she asked me which songs i thought she should sing. she had edge of seventeen, cherry bomb and a couple other songs that require powerful vocals written down. i said i didn't think those songs were a good fit for her voice. she asked what i thought might be better, and i shrugged and said, maybe singing wasn't the best idea. she looked upset but didn't say anything. she pouted the whole rest of the night, hardly interacting with my friends at all. at the end of the night, some of my friends asked me if she was ill or something, and i said it was her monthlies to make an excuse for her. she continued to pout in the car on the way home. i apologized for telling her not to sing, but also pointed out she was rude to the friends she said she wanted to make a good impression on. i was just trying to keep her from embarrassing herself. she didn't respond and still isn't texting me back. aita? [/INST] yta and she wasn’t rude you were. most people who do karaoke can’t sing anyway. she just wanted to have a good time and i’m sure your friends wouldn’t care how she sounds it comes off as you being embarrassed of her too </s>
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AITA for being inappropriate with my children?
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(throwaway, and while my english is good, it's not my first language and i struggle with writing)
my (39m) wife passed due to complications in the birth of my youngest daughter, i have been raising then since. i will be the first to admit what we had wasn't always enough for them, but i knew it was the best i could give them at the time and i got used to ignoring other people’s comments. at one point for about a year we all shared the same bed (they were around 10, 7 and 3 at the time), they would all go to bed and if there was room i would join them when i got back from work. i remember getting a lot of odd comments about it, saying it was inappropriate but i learned to ignore it.
we are doing a lot better now, my younger two do share a room but have their own beds, my oldest recently turned 18 and just got accepted into his first choice uni. i haven't had any negative comments about my parenting until recently, and for some reason, these ones are getting to me, and im thinking maybe im in the wrong this time
basically, my eldest two used to wear my clothes, my jeans, t-shirts, hoodies. when i started earning more they could have their own, my middle child got her own, but my eldest kept wanting to wear mine. they later confessed to me that it was because they were a boy (he is trans) but even when i told him i loved him and would go with him to get his own clothes from the men's section, he still said he preferred to wear mine, saying they just had a style to them that he liked. i didn't really see an issue with it, the worst part is just when im looking for a specific shirt i may find it in his room instead of mine, but that didn't really bother me.
the thing is that some of the parents i hang out with noticed that i would wear something then a week or so later my son would be wearing it. they asked and explained that we share clothes. they started telling me how inappropriate it was, how unhygienic it is (the clothes are washed between wears and it's not like we share underwear or anything) they also said how odd some things looked on my son because they didn't always fit properly. normally i wouldn't care but part of me is thinking that i maybe messed up here, so aita?
| 3,337 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sji38v/aita_for_being_inappropriate_with_my_children/
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2022-02-03 12:34:36
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nta
you are supporting your son in being comfortable in his own skin. ignore them. but maybe if your son likes your clothing and style so much when you get a new shirt for you get him one at the same time. start building his waredrobe as you replenish yours. yes you will have matching clothing but it will make your son more comfortable
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nta you love that boi and he love you fuck what everyone else think yall wear what ya want
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nta. i think you should keep encouraging him to get his own clothes, even if they are really similar to yours. a mother would likely do the same with a daughter, even if they're allowed to borrow clothes sometimes. but otherwise, you're not an asshole for making sure your kids are happy and comfortable.
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nta. this is a non issue. some people can't help but stick their noses in other peoples business. ignore them, roll your eyes, etc.
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nta - you seem to do well as a parent and children and teenagers are weird. especially (and i stereotype here as an lgbtq+ person myself) lgbtq+ people. we often have a different dress sense and if he likes it there is no harm done to anyone.
so many teens wear their parents old leather jackets these days, don't let the comments get to you.
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nta. it’s completely normal for family members to share clothes (parents and teens, or sibling to sibling, both are normal). if the fit isn’t quite right, there’s still nothing wrong with it. maybe talk to your son about shopping together for new clothing for the both of you? he’ll still get the input of your style, and you can make sure the fit is good for him.
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nta
go back to ignoring people, you were better off.
no, you wouldn't be ta for comforting your kids after you all lost your wife. kids sleep in their parents rooms all the time for all kinds of different reasons, it's weird that these people think it's weird.
as for the clothes; it's clothes. first you shared clothes because it's what you could afford.
then you shared clothes because your eldest liked your clothes.
women - moms/daughters do this crap all the time. mine doesn't even wear a size even close to me and i still find her in my clothes.
hoodies... 🤣 if we did not hide them, we'd have none, as she'd had stolen and worn them all. there is something wrong with the people around you...they focus on some really weird stuff.
the issues they are having, isn't really the clothes.
they can all fuck off and mind their own business.
find better people to spend your time with, these ones aren't worth yours.
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nta - this is a normal enough thing (my other half lives with her mum, and they often swap clothes; why would you go out and buy 'a pink skirt like that one', when someone you live with is willing to lend you that one?) and provided you're washing them none of these people commenting have a leg to stand on. your son is still growing into his style (aren't we all) and it's neat he wants to get some of that from you. if this was like, underwear, i'd understand where the comments were coming from; but their weirdness says more about them than it does about you!
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nta
there is absolutely nothing inappropriate about your son wanting to wear some of your clothes. i'm 38 and i still borrow some of my mom's shirts or sweaters, does that make me inappropriate?!
"they also said how odd some things looked on my son because they didn't always fit properly." lol, and so what. your son feels good in these particular clothes (which may or may not fit him?) that's all that matters.
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[deleted]
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: (throwaway, and while my english is good, it's not my first language and i struggle with writing) my (39m) wife passed due to complications in the birth of my youngest daughter, i have been raising then since. i will be the first to admit what we had wasn't always enough for them, but i knew it was the best i could give them at the time and i got used to ignoring other people’s comments. at one point for about a year we all shared the same bed (they were around 10, 7 and 3 at the time), they would all go to bed and if there was room i would join them when i got back from work. i remember getting a lot of odd comments about it, saying it was inappropriate but i learned to ignore it. we are doing a lot better now, my younger two do share a room but have their own beds, my oldest recently turned 18 and just got accepted into his first choice uni. i haven't had any negative comments about my parenting until recently, and for some reason, these ones are getting to me, and im thinking maybe im in the wrong this time basically, my eldest two used to wear my clothes, my jeans, t-shirts, hoodies. when i started earning more they could have their own, my middle child got her own, but my eldest kept wanting to wear mine. they later confessed to me that it was because they were a boy (he is trans) but even when i told him i loved him and would go with him to get his own clothes from the men's section, he still said he preferred to wear mine, saying they just had a style to them that he liked. i didn't really see an issue with it, the worst part is just when im looking for a specific shirt i may find it in his room instead of mine, but that didn't really bother me. the thing is that some of the parents i hang out with noticed that i would wear something then a week or so later my son would be wearing it. they asked and explained that we share clothes. they started telling me how inappropriate it was, how unhygienic it is (the clothes are washed between wears and it's not like we share underwear or anything) they also said how odd some things looked on my son because they didn't always fit properly. normally i wouldn't care but part of me is thinking that i maybe messed up here, so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
(throwaway, and while my english is good, it's not my first language and i struggle with writing) my (39m) wife passed due to complications in the birth of my youngest daughter, i have been raising then since. i will be the first to admit what we had wasn't always enough for them, but i knew it was the best i could give them at the time and i got used to ignoring other people’s comments. at one point for about a year we all shared the same bed (they were around 10, 7 and 3 at the time), they would all go to bed and if there was room i would join them when i got back from work. i remember getting a lot of odd comments about it, saying it was inappropriate but i learned to ignore it. we are doing a lot better now, my younger two do share a room but have their own beds, my oldest recently turned 18 and just got accepted into his first choice uni. i haven't had any negative comments about my parenting until recently, and for some reason, these ones are getting to me, and im thinking maybe im in the wrong this time basically, my eldest two used to wear my clothes, my jeans, t-shirts, hoodies. when i started earning more they could have their own, my middle child got her own, but my eldest kept wanting to wear mine. they later confessed to me that it was because they were a boy (he is trans) but even when i told him i loved him and would go with him to get his own clothes from the men's section, he still said he preferred to wear mine, saying they just had a style to them that he liked. i didn't really see an issue with it, the worst part is just when im looking for a specific shirt i may find it in his room instead of mine, but that didn't really bother me. the thing is that some of the parents i hang out with noticed that i would wear something then a week or so later my son would be wearing it. they asked and explained that we share clothes. they started telling me how inappropriate it was, how unhygienic it is (the clothes are washed between wears and it's not like we share underwear or anything) they also said how odd some things looked on my son because they didn't always fit properly. normally i wouldn't care but part of me is thinking that i maybe messed up here, so aita? [/INST] nta you are supporting your son in being comfortable in his own skin. ignore them. but maybe if your son likes your clothing and style so much when you get a new shirt for you get him one at the same time. start building his waredrobe as you replenish yours. yes you will have matching clothing but it will make your son more comfortable </s>
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AITA for not wanting to ask friends to stop drinking at a party we hosted when my husband's sister surprisingly arrived?
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my husband's sister has been struggling with alcohol, and in mid-june she had a wake-up call and started in aa. she hopes to eventually be able to be "around" alcohol again, but for now feels like it would be too triggering, so she has asked us not to drink alcohol around her.
the 4th of july was this past weekend, and we had something extra special to celebrate: a long-time friend of ours returned home after being overseas in the military, and on top of that celebrated his 30th birthday on the 5th. my husband and i usually have some friends over for the 4th, so we decided to make it a combo celebration of the 4th/friend's homecoming and birthday. with the special celebration, some extra friends who have moved away even came for the celebration, some driving several hours and a couple people flying in from other states, so we were pretty pumped for this.
disclaimer, we've hosted gatherings with this group before and while they typically involve some definite alcohol consumption, our group is not too rowdy and everyone crashes at our place after (no one drives home). i'm not talking about a rager of high school kids, just a bunch of adults of drinking age.
anyway, on the 4th while our gathering was well under-way, at about 9pm my husband's sister arrived. to be frank, we did not invite her to this party because we *knew* there would be drinking and she had asked us not to drink around her. but my husband had mentioned the gathering to his parents (he borrowed some coolers) and they apparently told her we were "having people over." she said she felt bored on the 4th because all her regular friends were drinking, so she decided to come over to our place.
upon arriving she was upset by the drinking, and asked us to ask everyone to stop drinking. two problems: (1) she didn't want anyone to know why (she wanted us to come up with an excuse) and (2) everyone had already had a few drinks. we live out in the country - so those who prefer to keep partying can't just walk to a bar; they're pretty much stranded at our house until they can drive.
since we invited them to our home specifically for this celebration, i didn't feel comfortable just asking everyone to drop the beer - especially since, again, we didn't actually invite my husband's sister - she showed up uninvited. under other circumstances i would have no issue with that, the more the merrier, but i wasn't comfortable with it when it means crashing a party in a friend's honor and asking us to get everyone to stop drinking but not be allowed to tell them why. (if we could tell them why most of our friends would probably be willing to oblige, but it's pretty hard to justify that request without stating a reason or raising more questions).
husband's sister ended up leaving in tears saying that we don't support her journey, and went to her parents' place (who are now upset with us also).
am i (are we?) assholes for this?
| 9,753 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ofiep8/aita_for_not_wanting_to_ask_friends_to_stop/
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2021-07-07 12:59:44
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nta: members of the aa fellowship are always active on holidays, meetings, get togethers, etc. that would have been the wise option for her to choose if she was bored, not crashing a party that she wasn’t invited to, wasn’t positive if there’d be alcohol or not, and then asking everyone at said party to change their plans for her.
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absolutely nta. like you said, you didn’t invite her for that very reason. it’s honestly a little ridiculous she would even ask that. even generally speaking, i think it’s a little silly to ask everyone to abstain from drinking just bc she’s in aa, but in this case, you did absolutely nothing wrong.
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nta - she came to a party she wasn’t invited to and demanded it change. her sobriety is her responsibility
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nta.
she has no right to ask others to stop drinking. this isnt her party. her alcoholism is something *she* has to deal with.
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nta. the entitlement here is insane.
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of course you're nta.
1. it was rude of her to crash the party (and thoughtless of her parents to tell her about it.)
2. i can't believe that she didn't know there would be alcohol.
3. unfortunately, this will be part of her struggle: maintaining a sober social life. she can ask family and friends to support her. she has no right to demand it, especially not from people who don't know her (or don't know her well enough to know she is a recovering alcoholic) and not in a situation where she arrived uninvited.
4. she really should reach out to her sponsor or fellow aa members. they might have had something planned for people in this situation.
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nta
your in-laws are being absurd.
your husband needs to tell his parents that it isn't their place to tell anyone about gatherings you are having. you didn't invite her for a reason. they massively over stepped, and rather than take responsibility for that, they are getting mad at y'all for not accommodating the situation they created. they need a reality / boundary check from him stat.
your sis-in-law showed up uninvited and unannounced. she didn't even call first to see what the event was and check if she could stop by. she also had a big misconception about how this sobriety journey works. she can make the choice to remove herself from situations with alcohol until she is further along and more confident in her ability to say no. but she does not get to force the world around her to stop because she did. she should have gone to a meeting or to her parents' house or something. your husband needs to address this with her "while you're in the beginnings of sobriety, you need to give us advanced notice if you'll be coming over. if you want us to accommodate your need to not be around alcohol, you can't show up with no notice and expect everything to change."
cuz here's the thing - even if you weren't having a party, just a romantic evening in with wine, she would still have been out of line to show up unannounced and demand you change your plans to accommodate her. utterly out of line.
your hubs needs to be having some frank convos with his family.
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nta she wasn't invited for a reason. she can't make up rules as she comes plus her parents shouldn't have mentioned anything to her.
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nta, how is this even a question? showing up to a party uninvited and then demanding people to not do something they expect to do at said party is just stupid imo. your husbands sister sounds very egocentrical and that's her problem, not yours.
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nta, and this is the behavior of someone who is setting up a relapse (subconsciously) because "no one supports her" and "everyone around her gets to drink." she should have gone to a meeting instead of a party with booze if she was having trouble with the holiday sober
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband's sister has been struggling with alcohol, and in mid-june she had a wake-up call and started in aa. she hopes to eventually be able to be "around" alcohol again, but for now feels like it would be too triggering, so she has asked us not to drink alcohol around her. the 4th of july was this past weekend, and we had something extra special to celebrate: a long-time friend of ours returned home after being overseas in the military, and on top of that celebrated his 30th birthday on the 5th. my husband and i usually have some friends over for the 4th, so we decided to make it a combo celebration of the 4th/friend's homecoming and birthday. with the special celebration, some extra friends who have moved away even came for the celebration, some driving several hours and a couple people flying in from other states, so we were pretty pumped for this. disclaimer, we've hosted gatherings with this group before and while they typically involve some definite alcohol consumption, our group is not too rowdy and everyone crashes at our place after (no one drives home). i'm not talking about a rager of high school kids, just a bunch of adults of drinking age. anyway, on the 4th while our gathering was well under-way, at about 9pm my husband's sister arrived. to be frank, we did not invite her to this party because we *knew* there would be drinking and she had asked us not to drink around her. but my husband had mentioned the gathering to his parents (he borrowed some coolers) and they apparently told her we were "having people over." she said she felt bored on the 4th because all her regular friends were drinking, so she decided to come over to our place. upon arriving she was upset by the drinking, and asked us to ask everyone to stop drinking. two problems: (1) she didn't want anyone to know why (she wanted us to come up with an excuse) and (2) everyone had already had a few drinks. we live out in the country - so those who prefer to keep partying can't just walk to a bar; they're pretty much stranded at our house until they can drive. since we invited them to our home specifically for this celebration, i didn't feel comfortable just asking everyone to drop the beer - especially since, again, we didn't actually invite my husband's sister - she showed up uninvited. under other circumstances i would have no issue with that, the more the merrier, but i wasn't comfortable with it when it means crashing a party in a friend's honor and asking us to get everyone to stop drinking but not be allowed to tell them why. (if we could tell them why most of our friends would probably be willing to oblige, but it's pretty hard to justify that request without stating a reason or raising more questions). husband's sister ended up leaving in tears saying that we don't support her journey, and went to her parents' place (who are now upset with us also). am i (are we?) assholes for this?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband's sister has been struggling with alcohol, and in mid-june she had a wake-up call and started in aa. she hopes to eventually be able to be "around" alcohol again, but for now feels like it would be too triggering, so she has asked us not to drink alcohol around her. the 4th of july was this past weekend, and we had something extra special to celebrate: a long-time friend of ours returned home after being overseas in the military, and on top of that celebrated his 30th birthday on the 5th. my husband and i usually have some friends over for the 4th, so we decided to make it a combo celebration of the 4th/friend's homecoming and birthday. with the special celebration, some extra friends who have moved away even came for the celebration, some driving several hours and a couple people flying in from other states, so we were pretty pumped for this. disclaimer, we've hosted gatherings with this group before and while they typically involve some definite alcohol consumption, our group is not too rowdy and everyone crashes at our place after (no one drives home). i'm not talking about a rager of high school kids, just a bunch of adults of drinking age. anyway, on the 4th while our gathering was well under-way, at about 9pm my husband's sister arrived. to be frank, we did not invite her to this party because we *knew* there would be drinking and she had asked us not to drink around her. but my husband had mentioned the gathering to his parents (he borrowed some coolers) and they apparently told her we were "having people over." she said she felt bored on the 4th because all her regular friends were drinking, so she decided to come over to our place. upon arriving she was upset by the drinking, and asked us to ask everyone to stop drinking. two problems: (1) she didn't want anyone to know why (she wanted us to come up with an excuse) and (2) everyone had already had a few drinks. we live out in the country - so those who prefer to keep partying can't just walk to a bar; they're pretty much stranded at our house until they can drive. since we invited them to our home specifically for this celebration, i didn't feel comfortable just asking everyone to drop the beer - especially since, again, we didn't actually invite my husband's sister - she showed up uninvited. under other circumstances i would have no issue with that, the more the merrier, but i wasn't comfortable with it when it means crashing a party in a friend's honor and asking us to get everyone to stop drinking but not be allowed to tell them why. (if we could tell them why most of our friends would probably be willing to oblige, but it's pretty hard to justify that request without stating a reason or raising more questions). husband's sister ended up leaving in tears saying that we don't support her journey, and went to her parents' place (who are now upset with us also). am i (are we?) assholes for this? [/INST] nta: members of the aa fellowship are always active on holidays, meetings, get togethers, etc. that would have been the wise option for her to choose if she was bored, not crashing a party that she wasn’t invited to, wasn’t positive if there’d be alcohol or not, and then asking everyone at said party to change their plans for her. </s>
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AITA for not paying for my nephew's room?
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i, a 3rd year student at university is really stuck in a pickle in regards to a family situation.
just for a bit of context in the uk, you can apply for student finance, which is a loan where you have to pay back x percentage of your income per year once you earn a certain threshold (£25,000). the loan is usually around 5-9k pay-out, in chunks of 1.5-3k per term. my last pay-out was yesterday.
because of the lockdown, i got to move back into my parents place in the city, and they are adamant about me not paying rent while staying there, so i've been fortunate enough to have this semi money buffer of 2.4ishk for when i graduate and find work.
my brother who did not go to uni, instead had a child with his girlfriend and are both currently not working, but have their own council house.
today, my brothers girlfriend contacted me asking if i could pay for their babies bedroom redecoration, as neither of them have any money after food and rent. she asked for £1,500 and said since i was an uncle, it would be such a great gift for my nephew and the whole family would really appreciate it since "you're not out partying every night, so you can put it towards something wholesome."
since i'm in uni to become a commercial solicitor, i blurted out (without asking for specifics-which is what i think makes me ta) "so what's the repayment plan on that?" and the line went really silent. after a few seconds she replied "you know what? don't bother, i know you've never cared about your nephew ammythewolf, so you do what you want too."
now my parents are saying its pretty standard behaviour from my brothers girlfriend, but a part of me see's investing into my nephew a way to bond with my brother. to be completely honest i never connected with my brother in a way that was meaningful growing up, but i care about him and tried to talk about what life would be like with a new baby (he had his child when he was 20) without a job, education or anything like that. and to his praise he recognised that, but still felt like he wanted to be a father, which i have to respect. aita for saying no?
so either i'm ta for shutting down my brother's girlfriend when asking for money immediately, without thinking about my nephew's wellbeing.
or
i'm not ta because its money that i have to pay back & its also my last payment.
| 489 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mrcrlq/aita_for_not_paying_for_my_nephews_room/
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2021-04-15 11:34:52
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nta. paying to redecorate a room is not an investment in your nephew - babies do not care if they have a fancy crib or pretty paint. buy the kid a set of board books and a few toys. spend time with him and babble to him a lot to boost his language capacity - that's the way to invest in a kid.
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nta
she's a manipulative little weasel, she is.
£1,500????
no luxury too great for their kid, especially when someone else is paying.
giving in to this won't improve your relationship with your brother. it will just set you up as an easy mark. you don't fix personal issues with money.
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>to be completely honest i never connected with my brother in a way that was meaningful growing up
the way to start that connection probably isn't by giving him more than half of the money that you have available. connections such as this should be made on an emotional level, not a financial one, or it has the potential to become something very different.
nta
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nta
not your kid, not your responsibility. why do they need to redecorate anyway? a bed and some toys certainly isn't worth that much, and if they can't afford it they shouldn't be considering it; let alone trying to guilt the money out of family.
probably could have said, i'm not comfortable doing that, but a repayment plan for a smaller amount might be negotiable.
either way, you're not the asshole here.
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£1500 is alot of money for a babies room, is she buying the furtniture from buckingham palace?
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nta,
it is not your money. you took out a loan.
allso, you warned your brother that going for a baby while both being unemployed and living in a counsel house is not a smart move.
it is not your kid! also just plain asking you for 1500bucks while you are still in college is entiteled as fuck.
the whole "you are not partying so just give us the money" is disgusting.
be a normal brother and when the kid is born give a gift that matches your income.
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nta and don't give that woman money for your nephew. anything you do for him either directly or through your bro would be my advice.
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nta. like you said, this is a loan you have to pay back, not just some money you have laying around. i think it was fine for your brother’s gf to ask for your help paying, but she crossed the line when she insulted you because you didn’t just give her the money. that isn’t an insignificant amount of money, especially for a student. admittedly, you could have been more diplomatic about it, but that is minor compared to her complete overreaction.
i think you ought to remember this - the gf is entitled and sounds like she holds a grudge when she doesn’t get what she wants.
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nta. how cool his nursery looks isn't part of his well being.
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it's really important not to let anyone manipulate you into giving them your money, especially as the line went silent when you even mentioned expecting to be paid back for the £1500(!!!) loan she wants from you. if you want to do something for your nephew then that's lovely, but it's *your* choice. your love for your family is not proportional to the money you spend on them, and i sincerely hope that your brother's girlfriend learns that one day. nta and do what you like with your maintenance loan! i'm in the same position as you right now and have been able to save money i never thought i'd have to help with moving out of home after i graduate!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i, a 3rd year student at university is really stuck in a pickle in regards to a family situation. just for a bit of context in the uk, you can apply for student finance, which is a loan where you have to pay back x percentage of your income per year once you earn a certain threshold (£25,000). the loan is usually around 5-9k pay-out, in chunks of 1.5-3k per term. my last pay-out was yesterday. because of the lockdown, i got to move back into my parents place in the city, and they are adamant about me not paying rent while staying there, so i've been fortunate enough to have this semi money buffer of 2.4ishk for when i graduate and find work. my brother who did not go to uni, instead had a child with his girlfriend and are both currently not working, but have their own council house. today, my brothers girlfriend contacted me asking if i could pay for their babies bedroom redecoration, as neither of them have any money after food and rent. she asked for £1,500 and said since i was an uncle, it would be such a great gift for my nephew and the whole family would really appreciate it since "you're not out partying every night, so you can put it towards something wholesome." since i'm in uni to become a commercial solicitor, i blurted out (without asking for specifics-which is what i think makes me ta) "so what's the repayment plan on that?" and the line went really silent. after a few seconds she replied "you know what? don't bother, i know you've never cared about your nephew ammythewolf, so you do what you want too." now my parents are saying its pretty standard behaviour from my brothers girlfriend, but a part of me see's investing into my nephew a way to bond with my brother. to be completely honest i never connected with my brother in a way that was meaningful growing up, but i care about him and tried to talk about what life would be like with a new baby (he had his child when he was 20) without a job, education or anything like that. and to his praise he recognised that, but still felt like he wanted to be a father, which i have to respect. aita for saying no? so either i'm ta for shutting down my brother's girlfriend when asking for money immediately, without thinking about my nephew's wellbeing. or i'm not ta because its money that i have to pay back & its also my last payment.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i, a 3rd year student at university is really stuck in a pickle in regards to a family situation. just for a bit of context in the uk, you can apply for student finance, which is a loan where you have to pay back x percentage of your income per year once you earn a certain threshold (£25,000). the loan is usually around 5-9k pay-out, in chunks of 1.5-3k per term. my last pay-out was yesterday. because of the lockdown, i got to move back into my parents place in the city, and they are adamant about me not paying rent while staying there, so i've been fortunate enough to have this semi money buffer of 2.4ishk for when i graduate and find work. my brother who did not go to uni, instead had a child with his girlfriend and are both currently not working, but have their own council house. today, my brothers girlfriend contacted me asking if i could pay for their babies bedroom redecoration, as neither of them have any money after food and rent. she asked for £1,500 and said since i was an uncle, it would be such a great gift for my nephew and the whole family would really appreciate it since "you're not out partying every night, so you can put it towards something wholesome." since i'm in uni to become a commercial solicitor, i blurted out (without asking for specifics-which is what i think makes me ta) "so what's the repayment plan on that?" and the line went really silent. after a few seconds she replied "you know what? don't bother, i know you've never cared about your nephew ammythewolf, so you do what you want too." now my parents are saying its pretty standard behaviour from my brothers girlfriend, but a part of me see's investing into my nephew a way to bond with my brother. to be completely honest i never connected with my brother in a way that was meaningful growing up, but i care about him and tried to talk about what life would be like with a new baby (he had his child when he was 20) without a job, education or anything like that. and to his praise he recognised that, but still felt like he wanted to be a father, which i have to respect. aita for saying no? so either i'm ta for shutting down my brother's girlfriend when asking for money immediately, without thinking about my nephew's wellbeing. or i'm not ta because its money that i have to pay back & its also my last payment. [/INST] nta. paying to redecorate a room is not an investment in your nephew - babies do not care if they have a fancy crib or pretty paint. buy the kid a set of board books and a few toys. spend time with him and babble to him a lot to boost his language capacity - that's the way to invest in a kid. </s>
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AITA For getting angry after my friend deleted my playlist?
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so for context i’ve had one playlist for the past 4 years with over like 500 songs on it. recently my gf let me use hers because she has spotify premium and i’ve been able to download my songs through her account because i’m broke.
a couple of days ago i made it collaborative so instead of taking notes for the songs i discover i could just put them in on the go. naturally my friends figured this out and started bombarding it with songs that i had no interest in and it first it was funny and i could get rid of them pretty easily on my pc.
flash forward to today and my pc is doing a long update and one of my friends adds 3000 songs to it. i was a bit pissed at first but i figured i could delete it when the update was done so admittedly i was a bit arsey about it but then he messages me 5 minutes later saying he deleted the songs. he had deleted all of my music without backing it up (bearing in mind this is 4 years worth music down the shitter) so as you can imagine i lost my mind at him and he responds saying i ‘should’ve backed it up’ like i was expecting him to delete all my music and then he tells me he felt a bit bad before making his own playlist making fun of it.
aita for being mad or is it really worth getting this annoyed over music that could be added to a new playlist?
| 332 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hzk5j9/aita_for_getting_angry_after_my_friend_deleted_my/
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2020-07-28 18:34:31
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nta because i’d be upset if someone deleted my playlists, but if i’m reading this correctly and it was on spotify, you can [recover deleted playlists](https://support.spotify.com/us/using_spotify/playlists/can-i-recover-a-deleted-playlist/).
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nta
it feels awful to work on something for so long and then have someone delete it from one day to the other. you have the right to be mad at your friend, because he actually did it on purpose.
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nta. if it was a mistake by the guy and there was no previous fuckery happening i’d say a playlist is not worth blowing up at a friend over, but that’s not the case.
your friend/s was messing with it beforehand and clearly trying to cause trouble. it just shows straight disrespect for you and now his fuckery (or theirs, i’m confused) have actually fucked you over.
you should be mad about the disrespect and not so much that the playlist itself is gone.
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nta nta nta this may not seem like a big deal to your friend but music comes with memories and deleting a playlist that you’ve had for over four years sucks.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so for context i’ve had one playlist for the past 4 years with over like 500 songs on it. recently my gf let me use hers because she has spotify premium and i’ve been able to download my songs through her account because i’m broke. a couple of days ago i made it collaborative so instead of taking notes for the songs i discover i could just put them in on the go. naturally my friends figured this out and started bombarding it with songs that i had no interest in and it first it was funny and i could get rid of them pretty easily on my pc. flash forward to today and my pc is doing a long update and one of my friends adds 3000 songs to it. i was a bit pissed at first but i figured i could delete it when the update was done so admittedly i was a bit arsey about it but then he messages me 5 minutes later saying he deleted the songs. he had deleted all of my music without backing it up (bearing in mind this is 4 years worth music down the shitter) so as you can imagine i lost my mind at him and he responds saying i ‘should’ve backed it up’ like i was expecting him to delete all my music and then he tells me he felt a bit bad before making his own playlist making fun of it. aita for being mad or is it really worth getting this annoyed over music that could be added to a new playlist?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so for context i’ve had one playlist for the past 4 years with over like 500 songs on it. recently my gf let me use hers because she has spotify premium and i’ve been able to download my songs through her account because i’m broke. a couple of days ago i made it collaborative so instead of taking notes for the songs i discover i could just put them in on the go. naturally my friends figured this out and started bombarding it with songs that i had no interest in and it first it was funny and i could get rid of them pretty easily on my pc. flash forward to today and my pc is doing a long update and one of my friends adds 3000 songs to it. i was a bit pissed at first but i figured i could delete it when the update was done so admittedly i was a bit arsey about it but then he messages me 5 minutes later saying he deleted the songs. he had deleted all of my music without backing it up (bearing in mind this is 4 years worth music down the shitter) so as you can imagine i lost my mind at him and he responds saying i ‘should’ve backed it up’ like i was expecting him to delete all my music and then he tells me he felt a bit bad before making his own playlist making fun of it. aita for being mad or is it really worth getting this annoyed over music that could be added to a new playlist? [/INST] nta because i’d be upset if someone deleted my playlists, but if i’m reading this correctly and it was on spotify, you can [recover deleted playlists](https://support.spotify.com/us/using_spotify/playlists/can-i-recover-a-deleted-playlist/). </s>
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AITA 82yo woman being forced into the garage...
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my great uncle passed last week at the age of 82, leaving my great aunt alone to find a new place to live. her kids had decided that moving her into one of their garages is the best option...
this garage is not attached to the house and requires stairs to access. my mother and i both think this is absurd. an 82 year old woman cannot be forced to live in an unfinished, unattached garage. my mom has offered to let my great aunt move into her first floor bedroom inside of our house to prevent this, but her kids want her closer to them.
i think she’d be better off in a nursing home than forced into a garage.
am i the asshole for contacting authorities to remove my great aunt from this situation, or are her kids in the wrong for forcing her to live in a garage right after her husband passed?
| 983 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lirgim/aita_82yo_woman_being_forced_into_the_garage/
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2021-02-13 02:46:44
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nta, and if they insist on this, please call whatever aps is in your country.
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that would def be elder abuse. seriously....shove her i to a garage like a dog? such disrespect. i say let her decide if she wants to go to a home close to the kids or in a nice bedroom where she is wanted. ill bet they will make her clean and cook for them etc as well.
nta make sure shes not shoved in garage.
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nta. check in with your great-aunt to see how she feels about it all before you act, though.
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info: is the garage heated? does it have a toilet?
if it's just a garage with no heating and toilet, then nta for contacting the authorities. this is elder abuse.
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nta.. who does this to their parents.
you are totally right to involve the authorities. is the aunt mentally fit to make her own decisions? is she being manipulated to stay there?
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nta. i have a strained relationship with my mom and even i cannot see myself putting her in the *garage*.
it’s a bloody garage! not even been suitably renovated to house an elderly person. does it at least have heating and a cooling system? and it can only be accessed by stairs?
there are more merciful and dignified ways to attempt to kill off your mother ffs. i cannot imagine why else they’d think this arrangement was fathomable.
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what kind of garage requires stairs to access? are you sure they weren't talking about an above-garage apartment? i agree neither sound appropriate for an 82 year-old widow, but above-garage apartments are pretty common and not horrible.
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nta
thank goodness. this is why they have elder services and agencies to help find resources
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info: are they planning on converting the garage into a studio type apartment (bathroom, kitchen, heating and air) before she moves in?
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info: does your aunt have all her mental faculties and is she able to live independently?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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INFO
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INFO
| 0.052378 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my great uncle passed last week at the age of 82, leaving my great aunt alone to find a new place to live. her kids had decided that moving her into one of their garages is the best option... this garage is not attached to the house and requires stairs to access. my mother and i both think this is absurd. an 82 year old woman cannot be forced to live in an unfinished, unattached garage. my mom has offered to let my great aunt move into her first floor bedroom inside of our house to prevent this, but her kids want her closer to them. i think she’d be better off in a nursing home than forced into a garage. am i the asshole for contacting authorities to remove my great aunt from this situation, or are her kids in the wrong for forcing her to live in a garage right after her husband passed?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my great uncle passed last week at the age of 82, leaving my great aunt alone to find a new place to live. her kids had decided that moving her into one of their garages is the best option... this garage is not attached to the house and requires stairs to access. my mother and i both think this is absurd. an 82 year old woman cannot be forced to live in an unfinished, unattached garage. my mom has offered to let my great aunt move into her first floor bedroom inside of our house to prevent this, but her kids want her closer to them. i think she’d be better off in a nursing home than forced into a garage. am i the asshole for contacting authorities to remove my great aunt from this situation, or are her kids in the wrong for forcing her to live in a garage right after her husband passed? [/INST] nta, and if they insist on this, please call whatever aps is in your country. </s>
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AITA for leaving our home while my husband was venting?
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my husband (33m) has always been a huge people pleaser and we have been to a therapist about the need for him to set better boundaries with people in his life. he’s constantly saying yes to too many things and getting overwhelmed. in one day, he’ll work his full time job, then fix his brother’s grill, log into a church zoom because an old friend is giving a big speech, and take a two hour class he didn’t want to take but one of his coworkers needs people to sign up.
this behavior has caused so much tension in our marriage. i love that my husband has a big heart. but he gets stressed and irritable with me nearly every day because he feels busy and overwhelmed. when i remind him about this when he’s about to say yes to something, he snaps at me and says i don’t understand.
last night, my husband came home from work grouchy (he’s an essential worker so he’s in person) and proceeded to take up his whole evening with the same usual stuff - friend and coworker events he didn’t want to do - before starting in on a vent session at 10:30 pm.
i was tired physically, but also emotionally tired from us having the same argument over and over. i don’t think it’s fair that he can keep signing up for stuff and then i have to bear the brunt of how stressed he is. he started to vent, i told him i didn’t have capacity to help him in the moment, he continued, and i went outside for a long walk to cool off and get space.
when i came back, he accused me of “not being there” for him and not supporting him. i explained my reasoning but he’s still mad today. reddit, aita for walking out?
| 1,223 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lsf6ww/aita_for_leaving_our_home_while_my_husband_was/
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2021-02-25 19:50:57
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nta, he's choosing to put himself in stressful situations and then takes his stress out on you. you deserve to handing and be comfortable in your own home.
i think this needs to be discussed in your next therapy session.
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nta, he's a people pleaser but unwilling to carve out time for and be kind to the most important person in his life. you did the right thing by leaving and cooling off instead of having the same fight for the millioneth time. when cooler heads prevail, tell him that the best way you can help him is not by being his sounding board when he gets burnt out, but by helping him manage his commitments so the burnout doesn't happen in the first place. you should have temporary veto power over non-work commitments, and he should have your permission to tell the person asking for such commitment "i'm sorry, i've promised my wife that's family time." it may seem unfair to bring you into it, but for over-committers, they often need a bad cop they can blame in order to be able to say no.
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nta. he’s causing his own problems, then taking it out on you. venting to your spouse is fine and dandy, but when the spouse flat out tells you they can’t handle your venting in that moment, you back down and find someone else to vent/something else to take out your frustration on.
next time he accuses you of “not being there” for him and not supporting him, just look him dead in the eye and tell him, “that’s right. and i told you i couldn’t help you as soon as you started, so why’d you keep going?”
don’t let him blame you for your emotional exhaustion that he caused.
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nta, but his reaction doesn't surprise me. if he can't set healthy boundaries in his own life how do you expect he is going to react when you do?
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nta he’s choosing to overwhelm himself instead of saying no. it’s not on you to always listen to him vent about it if he’s not gonna do anything to change it.
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nta
people pleasers do not prioritize others at their own expense....they prioritize their own need to appease their own ego by “helping” at the expense of those closest to them.
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nta so he hits himself with a big hammer and then whines that his thumb hurts and you need to fix it over and over. nope.
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nta. he's demanding that you do the emotional labor for his overcommitting and poor time management. getting up and leaving is more productive then being a punching bag.
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nta- partners must respect when one another need space. period.
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nta
you're not his damn therapist and his feelings are not more important than your own. he needs to respect your boundaries too.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband (33m) has always been a huge people pleaser and we have been to a therapist about the need for him to set better boundaries with people in his life. he’s constantly saying yes to too many things and getting overwhelmed. in one day, he’ll work his full time job, then fix his brother’s grill, log into a church zoom because an old friend is giving a big speech, and take a two hour class he didn’t want to take but one of his coworkers needs people to sign up. this behavior has caused so much tension in our marriage. i love that my husband has a big heart. but he gets stressed and irritable with me nearly every day because he feels busy and overwhelmed. when i remind him about this when he’s about to say yes to something, he snaps at me and says i don’t understand. last night, my husband came home from work grouchy (he’s an essential worker so he’s in person) and proceeded to take up his whole evening with the same usual stuff - friend and coworker events he didn’t want to do - before starting in on a vent session at 10:30 pm. i was tired physically, but also emotionally tired from us having the same argument over and over. i don’t think it’s fair that he can keep signing up for stuff and then i have to bear the brunt of how stressed he is. he started to vent, i told him i didn’t have capacity to help him in the moment, he continued, and i went outside for a long walk to cool off and get space. when i came back, he accused me of “not being there” for him and not supporting him. i explained my reasoning but he’s still mad today. reddit, aita for walking out?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband (33m) has always been a huge people pleaser and we have been to a therapist about the need for him to set better boundaries with people in his life. he’s constantly saying yes to too many things and getting overwhelmed. in one day, he’ll work his full time job, then fix his brother’s grill, log into a church zoom because an old friend is giving a big speech, and take a two hour class he didn’t want to take but one of his coworkers needs people to sign up. this behavior has caused so much tension in our marriage. i love that my husband has a big heart. but he gets stressed and irritable with me nearly every day because he feels busy and overwhelmed. when i remind him about this when he’s about to say yes to something, he snaps at me and says i don’t understand. last night, my husband came home from work grouchy (he’s an essential worker so he’s in person) and proceeded to take up his whole evening with the same usual stuff - friend and coworker events he didn’t want to do - before starting in on a vent session at 10:30 pm. i was tired physically, but also emotionally tired from us having the same argument over and over. i don’t think it’s fair that he can keep signing up for stuff and then i have to bear the brunt of how stressed he is. he started to vent, i told him i didn’t have capacity to help him in the moment, he continued, and i went outside for a long walk to cool off and get space. when i came back, he accused me of “not being there” for him and not supporting him. i explained my reasoning but he’s still mad today. reddit, aita for walking out? [/INST] nta, he's choosing to put himself in stressful situations and then takes his stress out on you. you deserve to handing and be comfortable in your own home. i think this needs to be discussed in your next therapy session. </s>
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AITA for not telling my ex that I have HIV
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i was recently diagnosed with hiv, after thinking i had the coronavirus. my doctor said i should get in contact with my previous sexual partners and inform them. it wasn't many, three in total, including a brief relationship. according to the time line it was probably one of the first two that i got it off, which i didn't like the sound of because one was a one-night thing with an ex and the other was a friend i briefly dated before falling out with her and cutting off contact. i don't think i used a condom with the first one but i definitely didn't with the "girlfriend". i did use a condom with the third one but there was a lot of unprotected oral sex.
i am trying not to reveal personal information but i had a terrible time with the brief gf, to the point where i've deleted her number and blocked her on everything. i'm using an alt because she knows my main and has admitted to stalking my main account. we were in college together and we were essentially best friends before she initiated sex one night. she had a boyfriend at the time but i was attracted to her and thinking with my dick so we were getting it on for a week or two before she left her boyfriend.
anyway, long story short, i am pretty sure my bff was cheating on me, from what mutual friends told me and from the vibe i got when we broke up. and sure enough, new bf on fb really quickly. my ex bff had to rip me a new one before dumping me which i thought was particularly cruel as she knows all about my struggle with stuff this sub apparently bans (?!). i had to briefly go back on meds because of how she crushed my self esteem.
fast forward to a month or so ago, i get flu like symptoms and have to self isolate. it gets bad enough for tests. the good news is that i don't have that virus. the awful news, you know from the title.
i got in contact with woman 1 who told me that she was tested not long ago and she's fine. i told her to get tested again, just to be sure. she accused me of implying things about her and blocked me. i don't know any more than that.
woman 3 was shocked but pretty calm. she got tested and she was ok but she will get tested again in 6 months just to be sure.
here's the rub, i don't want to contact woman 2, like ever again. i cannot understate how much i hate her. she got to know me and used that to do maximum damage. a lot of red flags became clearer after the fact. i do not like this woman. i think she is a self absorbed person pretending to be a good person. now i know it takes two to cheat but i was single and she literally beckoned me to bed. i broke off the thing with woman 1 when we started seeing each other.
there are more details but i had to cut them out for space.
so i throw myself at the mercy of the sub. am i the asshole for not telling my ex that i have hiv (and she might have it)?
| 380 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gv46fe/aita_for_not_telling_my_ex_that_i_have_hiv/
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2020-06-02 09:31:55
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yta so you would rather put someone's life at risk rather than messaging them
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yta if she has hiv she needs treatment, contact her asap
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yta and of course you know it. it doesnt matter if you hate her. she could have hiv. stop justifying this and step and do the right thing, the way you would want someome to do for you.
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yta. get a burner phone and let her know. if she's infected she could spread it to other people.
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yta
unsure where you are, but sometimes not informing a sexual partner about hiv is a crime.
she needs tested, which will also stop her potentially spreading the disease to folk unknowingly. doesn't have to be a long drawn out conversation, just a sentence or two
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yta- you don't have to contact her directly from you. you can send her an anonymous note to get tested because one of her previous sexual partners has hiv. you can have a third party contact her so that you do not give her your new contact information. you can get her the information a million different ways without the ex getting the information she needs to contact you or stalk you.
don't think of it as you contacting her for her benefit. you are contacting her for the benefit of all of the people she comes in contact with. whether it be her future sexual partners or the nurse at the emergency room that stitches her up after an accident.
if no one (including her) knows she has hiv, no one can make sure that they stay safe around her.
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yta if you don't tell her. if she has hiv she could die from it. even if she did horrible things to you, do you think she deserves to eventually die because of you?
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yta and borderline awfulbragging imo.
you have a potentially life-threatening disease you could have passed onto someone and let your personal feelings prevent you from possibly saving a life. that's... reprehensible.
if you don't tell her, you just continue the cycle of awful people possibly ruining poeple's lives instead of doing the right thing and saving people who had zero say in this.
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yta. why is this even a question?
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you do need to tell her. if she's infected she may be passing the virus onto other people, and that's not fair on them. they won't care about how you feel about her.
so you get a yta for not thinking about other people who could be inadvertently wrapped up in your problems
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was recently diagnosed with hiv, after thinking i had the coronavirus. my doctor said i should get in contact with my previous sexual partners and inform them. it wasn't many, three in total, including a brief relationship. according to the time line it was probably one of the first two that i got it off, which i didn't like the sound of because one was a one-night thing with an ex and the other was a friend i briefly dated before falling out with her and cutting off contact. i don't think i used a condom with the first one but i definitely didn't with the "girlfriend". i did use a condom with the third one but there was a lot of unprotected oral sex. i am trying not to reveal personal information but i had a terrible time with the brief gf, to the point where i've deleted her number and blocked her on everything. i'm using an alt because she knows my main and has admitted to stalking my main account. we were in college together and we were essentially best friends before she initiated sex one night. she had a boyfriend at the time but i was attracted to her and thinking with my dick so we were getting it on for a week or two before she left her boyfriend. anyway, long story short, i am pretty sure my bff was cheating on me, from what mutual friends told me and from the vibe i got when we broke up. and sure enough, new bf on fb really quickly. my ex bff had to rip me a new one before dumping me which i thought was particularly cruel as she knows all about my struggle with stuff this sub apparently bans (?!). i had to briefly go back on meds because of how she crushed my self esteem. fast forward to a month or so ago, i get flu like symptoms and have to self isolate. it gets bad enough for tests. the good news is that i don't have that virus. the awful news, you know from the title. i got in contact with woman 1 who told me that she was tested not long ago and she's fine. i told her to get tested again, just to be sure. she accused me of implying things about her and blocked me. i don't know any more than that. woman 3 was shocked but pretty calm. she got tested and she was ok but she will get tested again in 6 months just to be sure. here's the rub, i don't want to contact woman 2, like ever again. i cannot understate how much i hate her. she got to know me and used that to do maximum damage. a lot of red flags became clearer after the fact. i do not like this woman. i think she is a self absorbed person pretending to be a good person. now i know it takes two to cheat but i was single and she literally beckoned me to bed. i broke off the thing with woman 1 when we started seeing each other. there are more details but i had to cut them out for space. so i throw myself at the mercy of the sub. am i the asshole for not telling my ex that i have hiv (and she might have it)?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i was recently diagnosed with hiv, after thinking i had the coronavirus. my doctor said i should get in contact with my previous sexual partners and inform them. it wasn't many, three in total, including a brief relationship. according to the time line it was probably one of the first two that i got it off, which i didn't like the sound of because one was a one-night thing with an ex and the other was a friend i briefly dated before falling out with her and cutting off contact. i don't think i used a condom with the first one but i definitely didn't with the "girlfriend". i did use a condom with the third one but there was a lot of unprotected oral sex. i am trying not to reveal personal information but i had a terrible time with the brief gf, to the point where i've deleted her number and blocked her on everything. i'm using an alt because she knows my main and has admitted to stalking my main account. we were in college together and we were essentially best friends before she initiated sex one night. she had a boyfriend at the time but i was attracted to her and thinking with my dick so we were getting it on for a week or two before she left her boyfriend. anyway, long story short, i am pretty sure my bff was cheating on me, from what mutual friends told me and from the vibe i got when we broke up. and sure enough, new bf on fb really quickly. my ex bff had to rip me a new one before dumping me which i thought was particularly cruel as she knows all about my struggle with stuff this sub apparently bans (?!). i had to briefly go back on meds because of how she crushed my self esteem. fast forward to a month or so ago, i get flu like symptoms and have to self isolate. it gets bad enough for tests. the good news is that i don't have that virus. the awful news, you know from the title. i got in contact with woman 1 who told me that she was tested not long ago and she's fine. i told her to get tested again, just to be sure. she accused me of implying things about her and blocked me. i don't know any more than that. woman 3 was shocked but pretty calm. she got tested and she was ok but she will get tested again in 6 months just to be sure. here's the rub, i don't want to contact woman 2, like ever again. i cannot understate how much i hate her. she got to know me and used that to do maximum damage. a lot of red flags became clearer after the fact. i do not like this woman. i think she is a self absorbed person pretending to be a good person. now i know it takes two to cheat but i was single and she literally beckoned me to bed. i broke off the thing with woman 1 when we started seeing each other. there are more details but i had to cut them out for space. so i throw myself at the mercy of the sub. am i the asshole for not telling my ex that i have hiv (and she might have it)? [/INST] yta so you would rather put someone's life at risk rather than messaging them </s>
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AITA for being upset that my wife followed a stranger home?
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the wife (30f) and i (32m) recently moved to a new city for work. we're attempting to make new friends, but it can be slow going when you don't have any social networks. last night my wife got home around 2 hours later than she normally does, but i figured she was probably out doing some chore. when she got home she started telling me about a friend she made. "good for her", i initially thought, until i asked for more details. apparently she started talking to another passenger in an uber (let's call him tony"). they were stuck in traffic and had an sizable chunk of time to get to know each other. the uber driver goes to drop tony off at his place, at which point he invites my up to his place to "continue the conversation". to my horror, my wife accepted and spent the last hour and a half at his place.
she can tell i was annoyed as she recounted this and asked what was wrong. i was upset that she went into a strange mans house who was most likely trying to hit on her. she said i was being ridiculous and that she was just making a new friend. i brought up that if he did try something no one would know where she was at. she countered that she was a grown woman and could make her own choices.
things have been a little chilly since then. am i overreacting, or is this just too weird to be okay with?
| 1,790 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/byhfnt/aita_for_being_upset_that_my_wife_followed_a/
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2019-06-09 06:25:47
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nta. thats dangerous and sketchy behavior
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nta. that’s dangerous and if that was truly her thought process, dangerously naive. if she’s actually that naive i’d handle the situation gently but get it through her head just how stupid that was.
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nta, holy shit. your wife put herself in so much danger, she could have been raped or killed. she had every right to make the decision but she picked the wrong fuckin' one. if she wants to make a friend, she can get their number (not give hers. get theirs.) and arrange to hang out, i'm flabbergasted as a woman that she'd pull something like that!
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nta, your wife is either very naive or she fucked him
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nta.
at 30, she's way too old to be that naive and irresponsible.
her story strains credulity...
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would she be upset if the situation was swapped? as in, you were in the car and went to a woman's house that you just met for 1 1/2 hrs?
nta
she is lucky asf that he wasnt a creep. she maybe an adult, but doesn't mean she couldn't have altered her life drastically by being extremely stupid. she could have been killed.
or worse expelled...
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your wife fucked that guy homie
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nta. accepting the invite was kind of sketchy and dangerous though. she can make her own decisions but she followed him back to his house, who knows what could have happened. you have valid reasons to be upset, you’re looking out for your wife.
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nta there's just no other answer for this. so she meets a guy in an uber and decides to accept his invitation to his home so she may continue her conversation with him to create a friendship. im not one to jump on the infidelity train but it's a bit suspicious. in your shoes, this would definitely not be something i'd brush off and it sure as hell wouldn't fly with my girlfriend (in an opposite scenario). i can't even imagine getting into something like that and trying to explain it to her "babe i was on an uber home and i met this girl named emily so we started to chat. we got to her stop and she asked me to come in so we could continue our conversation. so that's where ive been for the past 1.5 hrs". haha i'd immediately cease to exist.
it really bothers me that she went inside this guy's home. i feel that she could've had the same conversation at a cafe or some other public space where her questionable safety isn't at as much jeopardy.
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did she move to this city from inside a paper bag? because that is stupid dangerous. nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: the wife (30f) and i (32m) recently moved to a new city for work. we're attempting to make new friends, but it can be slow going when you don't have any social networks. last night my wife got home around 2 hours later than she normally does, but i figured she was probably out doing some chore. when she got home she started telling me about a friend she made. "good for her", i initially thought, until i asked for more details. apparently she started talking to another passenger in an uber (let's call him tony"). they were stuck in traffic and had an sizable chunk of time to get to know each other. the uber driver goes to drop tony off at his place, at which point he invites my up to his place to "continue the conversation". to my horror, my wife accepted and spent the last hour and a half at his place. she can tell i was annoyed as she recounted this and asked what was wrong. i was upset that she went into a strange mans house who was most likely trying to hit on her. she said i was being ridiculous and that she was just making a new friend. i brought up that if he did try something no one would know where she was at. she countered that she was a grown woman and could make her own choices. things have been a little chilly since then. am i overreacting, or is this just too weird to be okay with?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
the wife (30f) and i (32m) recently moved to a new city for work. we're attempting to make new friends, but it can be slow going when you don't have any social networks. last night my wife got home around 2 hours later than she normally does, but i figured she was probably out doing some chore. when she got home she started telling me about a friend she made. "good for her", i initially thought, until i asked for more details. apparently she started talking to another passenger in an uber (let's call him tony"). they were stuck in traffic and had an sizable chunk of time to get to know each other. the uber driver goes to drop tony off at his place, at which point he invites my up to his place to "continue the conversation". to my horror, my wife accepted and spent the last hour and a half at his place. she can tell i was annoyed as she recounted this and asked what was wrong. i was upset that she went into a strange mans house who was most likely trying to hit on her. she said i was being ridiculous and that she was just making a new friend. i brought up that if he did try something no one would know where she was at. she countered that she was a grown woman and could make her own choices. things have been a little chilly since then. am i overreacting, or is this just too weird to be okay with? [/INST] nta. thats dangerous and sketchy behavior </s>
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AITA For having a family dinner after my sister’s wedding?
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my sister “jess” (30/f) got married on saturday morning, i (26/f) did not attend for a multitude of reasons, but primarily because i don’t care for her fiancé, “jay,” and we don’t get along, so i figured i would skip to allow for them to have a happy time without me being a debby downer and raining on their parade.
due to the wedding, several family members were in town, some that i hadn’t seen for quite a few years and may not get to see again before they get too old or pass away as they are older or live out of the country.
since i didn’t go to wedding, i figured that i would host a family dinner later in the evening from the wedding as most family members are scheduled to leave on sunday or monday and everyone would be split up.
the wedding began at 11 am and the dinner was scheduled to begin at 5pm. i do live about an hour from the venue, so i knew most people would be on the road by 4 pm but i figured that seeing as the wedding started at 11, 5 hours would be plenty of time for everyone to visit and mingle with jess at the actual wedding.
at around 4:30 jess called me, completely irate, yelling, swearing and just generally saying harsh things about how i’d stolen her guests and ruined her day in multiple ways, especially since i didn’t invite her and jay to the dinner (again, the fiancé that i don’t get along with).
i didn’t beg anyone to come to the dinner nor did i pressure anyone and left it open to them all about whether or not they wanted to come (which most of them did). i thought this was a fine compromise since it would decrease the tension for everyone involved and make for smoother sailing, but jess sent me an incredibly nasty message and has blocked me from her instagram and facebook. i’m unsure of whether or not she blocked my phone number or if she’s just not responding.
i didn’t think the dinner idea was so terrible, but my boyfriend feels like it was an a-hole move and that i should try and apologize to her, but i need more perspectives. so, aita?
| 6,061 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ndiyyo/aita_for_having_a_family_dinner_after_my_sisters/
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2021-05-16 07:26:43
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yta. that is a dick move to have a dinner the same night as her wedding without running it past her first.
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>allow for them to have a happy time without me being a debby downer and raining on their parade
no you didn’t rain on their parade you straight up stole it.
you couldn’t manage to get over yourself and put a smile on for a few hours to be at your sisters wedding and if that’s not bad enough you straight up stole her guests from the reception and you don’t think your ta? you are sorely mistaken.
this is absolutely awful and you should be ashamed of yourself for ruining your sister’s wedding.
yta
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yta. i’m having a hard time believing that you didn’t do this on purpose to spite them. you took a chunk of their big day. couldn’t you at least have waited until the next day for your dinner?
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such a dick move. no wonder your sister was cross with you. yta.
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yta here. her wedding isn't some sort of timed event that you get to pull people away from when you decide. they all came for her big day. key word there being "day" - these types of events last longer than the actual wedding.
you could have easily asked everyone to come on sunday for brunch before leaving, or have them come for a sunday dinner perhaps. you didn't. instead you chose to impose on her big day for no real reason.
she should be mad at you.
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yta
you should have gone to her wedding and wished her well. instead you refused to go and then invited her guests to a dinner with you knowing they would all have to leave her wedding.
that was not just thoughtless, it was nasty.
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yta.
you have such bad blood with your sister that you didn’t attend her wedding and then you poached her guests for your own event. and she didn’t even know about this plan in advance.
she was obviously looking forward to spending the evening with them (hence her complaint about not inviting her and her husband to the dinner).
i’d love to know the source of your tension with jay.
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omg, were you raised in a barn? have you ever been to a decent wedding before? do you have any semblance of social graces? you may not have attended your sister’s wedding but you sure managed to ruin it anyway. your sister is right, you stole her guests and cut her big day short. even if you hadn’t misjudged the usual time spent at a wedding, planning this on the same day is a huge ah move. your relatives probably felt obligated to come to your dinner for the reasons you mentioned about them being old and living far away. if they’re in town for the wedding i bet they were around for more than one night so i’m sure you could have done a dinner or something else at another time, and even if you couldn’t, this was still awful. very thoughtless of you.
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yes, yta. you couldn't just get along with the guy for one day? it's not like you even would have to talk to him all that much - and then at the wedding you would've gotten to see all the people.
why didn't you at least ask your sister when she thought the wedding would finish? that would really have been the absolute bare minimum in courtesy.
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yta.
you planned a dinner on your sisters wedding day
5 hours for a wedding. this things usually last well into the evening.
can't believe anyone actually showed up to your dinner.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister “jess” (30/f) got married on saturday morning, i (26/f) did not attend for a multitude of reasons, but primarily because i don’t care for her fiancé, “jay,” and we don’t get along, so i figured i would skip to allow for them to have a happy time without me being a debby downer and raining on their parade. due to the wedding, several family members were in town, some that i hadn’t seen for quite a few years and may not get to see again before they get too old or pass away as they are older or live out of the country. since i didn’t go to wedding, i figured that i would host a family dinner later in the evening from the wedding as most family members are scheduled to leave on sunday or monday and everyone would be split up. the wedding began at 11 am and the dinner was scheduled to begin at 5pm. i do live about an hour from the venue, so i knew most people would be on the road by 4 pm but i figured that seeing as the wedding started at 11, 5 hours would be plenty of time for everyone to visit and mingle with jess at the actual wedding. at around 4:30 jess called me, completely irate, yelling, swearing and just generally saying harsh things about how i’d stolen her guests and ruined her day in multiple ways, especially since i didn’t invite her and jay to the dinner (again, the fiancé that i don’t get along with). i didn’t beg anyone to come to the dinner nor did i pressure anyone and left it open to them all about whether or not they wanted to come (which most of them did). i thought this was a fine compromise since it would decrease the tension for everyone involved and make for smoother sailing, but jess sent me an incredibly nasty message and has blocked me from her instagram and facebook. i’m unsure of whether or not she blocked my phone number or if she’s just not responding. i didn’t think the dinner idea was so terrible, but my boyfriend feels like it was an a-hole move and that i should try and apologize to her, but i need more perspectives. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister “jess” (30/f) got married on saturday morning, i (26/f) did not attend for a multitude of reasons, but primarily because i don’t care for her fiancé, “jay,” and we don’t get along, so i figured i would skip to allow for them to have a happy time without me being a debby downer and raining on their parade. due to the wedding, several family members were in town, some that i hadn’t seen for quite a few years and may not get to see again before they get too old or pass away as they are older or live out of the country. since i didn’t go to wedding, i figured that i would host a family dinner later in the evening from the wedding as most family members are scheduled to leave on sunday or monday and everyone would be split up. the wedding began at 11 am and the dinner was scheduled to begin at 5pm. i do live about an hour from the venue, so i knew most people would be on the road by 4 pm but i figured that seeing as the wedding started at 11, 5 hours would be plenty of time for everyone to visit and mingle with jess at the actual wedding. at around 4:30 jess called me, completely irate, yelling, swearing and just generally saying harsh things about how i’d stolen her guests and ruined her day in multiple ways, especially since i didn’t invite her and jay to the dinner (again, the fiancé that i don’t get along with). i didn’t beg anyone to come to the dinner nor did i pressure anyone and left it open to them all about whether or not they wanted to come (which most of them did). i thought this was a fine compromise since it would decrease the tension for everyone involved and make for smoother sailing, but jess sent me an incredibly nasty message and has blocked me from her instagram and facebook. i’m unsure of whether or not she blocked my phone number or if she’s just not responding. i didn’t think the dinner idea was so terrible, but my boyfriend feels like it was an a-hole move and that i should try and apologize to her, but i need more perspectives. so, aita? [/INST] yta. that is a dick move to have a dinner the same night as her wedding without running it past her first. </s>
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AITA For refusing to let my husband go on his boy trip and leave me to care for my newborn alone?
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me f23 and my husband m26 had our baby girl 3 weeks ago, she's a blessing and she's been filling my time with joy even though it's been difficult for us since we never experienced this before.
my husband has been acting weird lately, he's been stressing out and worrying too much about doing something wrong when caring for our baby, he did a number of things that really got me concerned, he would walk out whenever our daughter starts to cry but that was in the first week and thank god he doesn't do it anymore, he wouldn't hold her fearing he'd drop her, he doesn't help with changing diapers saying he doesn't know, he always calls his mom for "advice" which she sees as an opportunity to step in and take my baby from me.
he'd get worried and starts panicking whenever she coughs and mention the hospital, this all has been affecting me as well, it's so exahusting and i started to be negatively affected by his behavior.
yesterday, he was talking to his buddy on the phone, his buddy told him that next week the group will be going on a trip for 5 days, my husband got excited and told him to count him in.
he came to tell me that he "decided" to go with the guys on the trip for five days as an opportunity to "get away from all this stress", i looked at him and told him he was being selfish to go on a trip and leave me to take care of our daughter alone, he said no problem, he'll just call his mom to come stay with me or i go stay at her place for just five days, he begged me saying this trip was necessary because he was on the verge of breaking down and complained about "how he didn't expect it to be like this" meaning having a baby, i was speechless, once his mom takes my daughter she refuses to give her back, would start taking pictures, inviting people to visit, trys to feed her with formula and criticizes my breastfeeding "it's not enough", it's a nightmare.
but he argued saying i was just jealous because he'd get to get fresh air while i'll be stuck at home, he said he won't waste this opportunity and is going with or without my consent.
i yelled at him because he was unreasonable, but he's sticking to his decision and is talking about how my post partum is making me say/do all of this.
| 9,959 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/istyfj/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_husband_go_on_his_boy/
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2020-09-14 20:57:46
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nta i'd seriously re evaluate your relationship if he just brushes of your concerns abour your mother in law having people around your baby during a pandemic is a serious red flaf. that's not cool. also leaving your for five days with her is something he seems to obviously understand would stress you out a lot. if he isnt willing to compromise and go for a shorter part of the trip or offer to let you then go on your own similar trip so you can also get away... i'd say it sounds like youre dealing with a child.
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nta your body is still healing. he is not doing diapers, or feedings if you are breast feeding. he should be able to take a break, maybe take a day, but 5 days is a lot when you have a newborn. can you go stay with your family if he goes?
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[removed]
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yikes , nta. your husband needs to grow up and quit depending on his mom.
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nta this is unreasonable, he has a newborn.
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absolutely nta. he sounds like he is coping poorly and needs therapy, but regardless absolutely needs to be helping more. any idiot can change a diaper, he just doesn’t want to do it. i would tell him if he goes that you will be leaving the day he gets back for a 5 day trip and he can take care of the baby alone (of course don’t actually do this). honestly this is a hill to die on, it is totally messed up for him to expect to leave you alone with a newborn, and it sounds like you have a mil problem too. he needs to understand that if he decides to go, you will be reevaluating your marriage as you clearly don’t have mutual respect or aligned values.
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my husband left for a week when our baby was about 4 months old. i didn't say anything until he was leaving, when it finally hit me and i cried. i never cry. he left. the baby and i both got the flu. i could barely get out of bed and there was no one there to help. it was brutal. "inconsiderate" doesn't cover it. i should have left him then.
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> he doesn't help with changing diapers saying he doesn't know
he doesn't know so his solution is to... just never learn how to do it? changing a diaper isn't rocket science. he'll know how to do it if he takes the time to learn how to do it.
nta. being a first time parent can be overwhelming, but his solution to every problem can't just be running away from it and letting someone else (you or his mom) deal with it.
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nta. this is not a reasonable request, and it's definitely unreasonable for him to present this to you as a fait accompli.
however....it sounds like your husband is really struggling. it's fairly common for new fathers to have surges of anxiety and depression following a birth- even without the swirl of post-birth hormones, having a newborn is a mental shock. i think it's very likely your husband should talk to a professional, so he can deal with this in a way that doesn't put unfair pressure on you.
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me f23 and my husband m26 had our baby girl 3 weeks ago, she's a blessing and she's been filling my time with joy even though it's been difficult for us since we never experienced this before. my husband has been acting weird lately, he's been stressing out and worrying too much about doing something wrong when caring for our baby, he did a number of things that really got me concerned, he would walk out whenever our daughter starts to cry but that was in the first week and thank god he doesn't do it anymore, he wouldn't hold her fearing he'd drop her, he doesn't help with changing diapers saying he doesn't know, he always calls his mom for "advice" which she sees as an opportunity to step in and take my baby from me. he'd get worried and starts panicking whenever she coughs and mention the hospital, this all has been affecting me as well, it's so exahusting and i started to be negatively affected by his behavior. yesterday, he was talking to his buddy on the phone, his buddy told him that next week the group will be going on a trip for 5 days, my husband got excited and told him to count him in. he came to tell me that he "decided" to go with the guys on the trip for five days as an opportunity to "get away from all this stress", i looked at him and told him he was being selfish to go on a trip and leave me to take care of our daughter alone, he said no problem, he'll just call his mom to come stay with me or i go stay at her place for just five days, he begged me saying this trip was necessary because he was on the verge of breaking down and complained about "how he didn't expect it to be like this" meaning having a baby, i was speechless, once his mom takes my daughter she refuses to give her back, would start taking pictures, inviting people to visit, trys to feed her with formula and criticizes my breastfeeding "it's not enough", it's a nightmare. but he argued saying i was just jealous because he'd get to get fresh air while i'll be stuck at home, he said he won't waste this opportunity and is going with or without my consent. i yelled at him because he was unreasonable, but he's sticking to his decision and is talking about how my post partum is making me say/do all of this.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me f23 and my husband m26 had our baby girl 3 weeks ago, she's a blessing and she's been filling my time with joy even though it's been difficult for us since we never experienced this before. my husband has been acting weird lately, he's been stressing out and worrying too much about doing something wrong when caring for our baby, he did a number of things that really got me concerned, he would walk out whenever our daughter starts to cry but that was in the first week and thank god he doesn't do it anymore, he wouldn't hold her fearing he'd drop her, he doesn't help with changing diapers saying he doesn't know, he always calls his mom for "advice" which she sees as an opportunity to step in and take my baby from me. he'd get worried and starts panicking whenever she coughs and mention the hospital, this all has been affecting me as well, it's so exahusting and i started to be negatively affected by his behavior. yesterday, he was talking to his buddy on the phone, his buddy told him that next week the group will be going on a trip for 5 days, my husband got excited and told him to count him in. he came to tell me that he "decided" to go with the guys on the trip for five days as an opportunity to "get away from all this stress", i looked at him and told him he was being selfish to go on a trip and leave me to take care of our daughter alone, he said no problem, he'll just call his mom to come stay with me or i go stay at her place for just five days, he begged me saying this trip was necessary because he was on the verge of breaking down and complained about "how he didn't expect it to be like this" meaning having a baby, i was speechless, once his mom takes my daughter she refuses to give her back, would start taking pictures, inviting people to visit, trys to feed her with formula and criticizes my breastfeeding "it's not enough", it's a nightmare. but he argued saying i was just jealous because he'd get to get fresh air while i'll be stuck at home, he said he won't waste this opportunity and is going with or without my consent. i yelled at him because he was unreasonable, but he's sticking to his decision and is talking about how my post partum is making me say/do all of this. [/INST] nta i'd seriously re evaluate your relationship if he just brushes of your concerns abour your mother in law having people around your baby during a pandemic is a serious red flaf. that's not cool. also leaving your for five days with her is something he seems to obviously understand would stress you out a lot. if he isnt willing to compromise and go for a shorter part of the trip or offer to let you then go on your own similar trip so you can also get away... i'd say it sounds like youre dealing with a child. </s>
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AITA for not letting my gf move in with me cause my roommate said he didn’t want that?
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my (24m) girlfriend (20f) has been staying the night every night for about the last month. she’s got her own apartment that she’s in contract for til july; however, it’s more convenient for her to stay at my place cause my apartment is closer to her job and to school, and i enjoy having her around.
the only issue is one of my roommates doesn’t like her. i live with 3 other guys for context, and while 2/3 are friends with her and have told me verbatim they don’t mind if she moved in, the one roommate that i share a bathroom with said he had a problem with it. he said he didn’t want her living here every night even if she started paying rent. this wasn’t surprising to me cause for the nearly two years i’ve known my gf, he’s never liked her, and he nearly stopped being friends with me when we got together officially.
i decided that if it was gonna make a problem between me and my roommates, that maybe we should alternate living between my apartment and hers, but my gf doesn’t want that. she said she hates it there, and now she’s mad that i took my roommate’s side over hers, especially when he’s the roommate that has said nothing but disparaging things about both of us for the last few months and i haven’t confronted him about it. this whole issue is putting a real strain on my relationship. am i the asshole for trying to avoid conflict?
| 168 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ylys73/aita_for_not_letting_my_gf_move_in_with_me_cause/
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2022-11-04 13:16:24
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nta. it’s not like you guys are married. i’m confused why she’d want to live there knowing this guy doesn’t like her. and honestly the thought of living with three bachelors is not appealing in any way. lol. if you want her to live with you, why not just get a place for the two of you only?
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yta for having your gf around so much (and without paying rent!).
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nta
she's living there for free, cluttering up your and his bathroom, no shit he's annoyed. i too would be annoyed if someone slept over always without paying and cluttered up my shared bathroom. especially since nothing was spoken about.
your girlfriend sounds entitled.. sure she doesn't "like" her apartment and all that, then why the hell does she live it to begin with?
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yta, he pays rent, she doesn't and she doesn't live there. and he can say that he doesn't want her to move in. you should maybe look into getting an apartment for you and you gf. also, it is incredible rude of you and your gf to let her sleep there every day. the max is usually 2-3 a week if it is okay with everyone. poor roommate, especially that he has to share the bathroom with you and gf.
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nta - if one of your roommates doesn’t want her to move in, then that’s that. you’re doing the right thing.
though to add, with her already staying every night she should have already been contributing to the rent
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nta. he pays rent. she doesn't. i say move to her place even though she hates it (wtf? excuse to stay at yours) or find one together.
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your girlfriend didn't sign a lease so she gets no say on who lives there.
also if i were your roommates i would be more than annoyed she is always underfoot.
they signed up to live with three guys not three guys and girl.
you guys need to have a discussion about boundaries. if her living closer is so important find a new place to live
esh because you crossed boundaries in the first place. and she is for her entitled behavior to a place not even hers.
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yta. what if all 4 room mates had their partners move in this past month (without paying rent and expenses) that would not cause hardships, noise, over-crowding, utility increases? seems the **only 2 people who don't understand boundaries are you and your gf**.
okay, you enjoy having her around, understood. **you** enjoy having her around. **you**. your apartment is closer to her work, her school? so it is all about her needs? maybe gf hates her apartment coz her room mates won't put up with her attitude??
maybe the one room mate who did speak up (he never liked her, hmmm, i can see a few reasons right away) can see that the gf acts a bit entitled (perhaps you can't see it coz she is your gf) by staying there every frigging night as if she had already moved in?
you suggested swapping nights at each apartment, gf shot you down. she shot you down, she told you "no". she got mad coz you didn't take her side? so no matter what, you have to side with her? smh.
when tension/conflict did arise, your room mate talked to you, the room mate. that is the way to do it. yet your gf said “if he has a problem with me, he can talk to me about it,”. no, she isn't a room mate. the guy did it right. your gf sounds like she just wants to argue with the guy and have you stand there and defend her.
i'm glad you are considering moving out in july when your contract ends. i wish you good luck, coz it sounds like you got a mess on your hands with that one.
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yta because this conflict wouldn't exist if you hadn't already basically moved her in. your girlfriend is pretty entitled to think she can just barge in just because she suddenly dislikes her own apartment. an entire month without prior agreement or paying rent, i'm surprised your roommate didn't blow up earlier. have you zero awareness?
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.852562 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (24m) girlfriend (20f) has been staying the night every night for about the last month. she’s got her own apartment that she’s in contract for til july; however, it’s more convenient for her to stay at my place cause my apartment is closer to her job and to school, and i enjoy having her around. the only issue is one of my roommates doesn’t like her. i live with 3 other guys for context, and while 2/3 are friends with her and have told me verbatim they don’t mind if she moved in, the one roommate that i share a bathroom with said he had a problem with it. he said he didn’t want her living here every night even if she started paying rent. this wasn’t surprising to me cause for the nearly two years i’ve known my gf, he’s never liked her, and he nearly stopped being friends with me when we got together officially. i decided that if it was gonna make a problem between me and my roommates, that maybe we should alternate living between my apartment and hers, but my gf doesn’t want that. she said she hates it there, and now she’s mad that i took my roommate’s side over hers, especially when he’s the roommate that has said nothing but disparaging things about both of us for the last few months and i haven’t confronted him about it. this whole issue is putting a real strain on my relationship. am i the asshole for trying to avoid conflict?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (24m) girlfriend (20f) has been staying the night every night for about the last month. she’s got her own apartment that she’s in contract for til july; however, it’s more convenient for her to stay at my place cause my apartment is closer to her job and to school, and i enjoy having her around. the only issue is one of my roommates doesn’t like her. i live with 3 other guys for context, and while 2/3 are friends with her and have told me verbatim they don’t mind if she moved in, the one roommate that i share a bathroom with said he had a problem with it. he said he didn’t want her living here every night even if she started paying rent. this wasn’t surprising to me cause for the nearly two years i’ve known my gf, he’s never liked her, and he nearly stopped being friends with me when we got together officially. i decided that if it was gonna make a problem between me and my roommates, that maybe we should alternate living between my apartment and hers, but my gf doesn’t want that. she said she hates it there, and now she’s mad that i took my roommate’s side over hers, especially when he’s the roommate that has said nothing but disparaging things about both of us for the last few months and i haven’t confronted him about it. this whole issue is putting a real strain on my relationship. am i the asshole for trying to avoid conflict? [/INST] nta. it’s not like you guys are married. i’m confused why she’d want to live there knowing this guy doesn’t like her. and honestly the thought of living with three bachelors is not appealing in any way. lol. if you want her to live with you, why not just get a place for the two of you only? </s>
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AITA for snapping at my friend after she revealed she had outed me
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everyone in this story is 16f
&#x200b;
last year during covid lockdown in my country, i started to question whether i even found men attractive, and i came to the conclusion that i'm a lesbian. the whole process was really difficult for me as my parents are lowkey homophobic lol. anyway so a couple of months after i realised this, i told a very close friend of mine that i was lesbian. she was very accepting, if a little confused. i wasn't ready to tell the rest of my friend group as they are quite christian (they go to church n stuff). for the next month or so we didn't really discuss it and just continued on with life (we were still in lockdown).
&#x200b;
okay so fast forward to 2 weeks ago, this friend dms me on instagram and says something along the lines of "it's really time you come out to the rest of the group, im getting quite impatient". i was quite shocked by this so i told her that i would soon when i felt more ready. she replied with something like "it's been a long time since you told me, so you should be ready". she really was very kind about it!!! the problem was that she just kept on bringing it up. she would drop hints in the group chat and irl, which made me quite uncomfortable but i was too scared to say anything because i didnt want to be mean. the hints were like when one of the girls were talking about their celebrity crushes she would say "helpme\_findthissong isnt really into them" and just that sort of thing. anyway a few days later i check my phone and she says that if i dont tell them she will. this kinda freaked me out and i sorta had a panic attack (it made me have an asthma attack lmao). but i really wanted to be the one to tell them, not her so i just awkwardly put it on the group chat (it was so awkward haha). she was so happy and dmed me congratulating me and stuff but i just didn't feel happy about it because i really wanted to feel ready. i had been pretending to be okay with how it happened until last friday when she revealed to me that she had actually told 2 of the girls in the group before i had even had the chance to. (all the girls were really accepting and lovely). i found out she also told her parents?? very strange :( anyway i said that she didnt understand what it was like and that what she had done was really mean, and she started to cry. she hasn't spoken to me for 4 days now. also some of my friends have been saying i overreacted.
&#x200b;
reasons why i might be the asshole:
the way which i responded to her was very strong, and i did snap without previously making it absolutely clear that it upset me, seeing as i only ever said it made me uncomfortable and didnt directly tell her to stop.
| 894 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ml6bi9/aita_for_snapping_at_my_friend_after_she_revealed/
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2021-04-06 07:38:59
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nta
you specifically told her that you wanted to wait and that you didnt want her to say anything. instead of listening to your wishes, she forced you to come forward with it. that's not what real friends do.
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nta. who doesn't know yet that you don't out people? anyone? anyone at all? no?
she pressured you into coming out to your friend group when you told her repeatedly that you weren't ready. she gave you an ultimatum to force you to tell people (if you don't, i will). and she had already outed you to friends and her parents! and now she's upset that you find her actions hurtful? boo hoo, poor little girl. she wants to be an ah, then she shouldn't be surprised when she's treated like an ah.
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nta!!!!!
1. you don't out anyone.
2. you don't force anyone out of closet until they are ready to do so.
3. she was a trusted person and that's why you told her. she should have never pressured you into shit.
and the people claiming you overreacted aren't in your shoes. they don't deal with homophobic parents, majority of their religion is against those in the lbgtqa+ community. they can't imagine what you could've gone through. or the danger she put you in by forcing you to come out.
i'd done more than just snap a little. that was a baby verbal snapping. i would've went full out adult verbal snapping and i don't condone said behavior! it's normally not healthy.
but she's a major ass and a really shitty friend for pressuring you to do what she wanted you to do so she felt comfortable finally. you coming out as anything except straight is about you not anyone else.
she needs to apologize and educate herself on why this mind of behavior is disgusting.
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nta
it's never okay to out someone without their permission.
it's also awful that she was pressuring you to do something you weren't comfortable with doing.
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nta. she doesn't get to go against your wishes on telling other people about *your* sexuality and then hide behind being upset. you're the one who have been wronged, and she needs to recognize that. it seems like she's been gossiping about this event and fishing for emotional support/casting herself in a good light, so people side with her. this is wrong.
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nta hugs sweety. shes not a freind a true freind would never out there freinds. if your parents carnt deal with it i'm sure there will be support groups near you just google it. uou are amazing kind an brave just rember that
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nta
outing someone against their wishes is a huge nono. you told her you weren't ready or comfortable and she should have respected that. you had every right to snap at her.
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she is not your friend.
she has proven that she is not a safe person.
she sacrificed your privacy, your autonomy, hell, your safety all so she could stir up some drama.
she ... never mind. don’t want to expend any more energy on this sad waste of a human being.
you are so nta.
(virtual hug)
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nta
she wanted you to come out to cover up her mistake. the longer you waited, the more anxious she likely was.
she won't really ever understand why this made you uncomfortable. don't expect her to. the best you can do is let her know it hurt you, and forgive her if she ever genuinely apologizes. otherwise, this is entirely her mistake.
you'll be coming out to people the rest of your life. it's good to set clear boundaries, and it's important you pick and choose carefully who you trust. it does get easier, even if it isn't always recieved well. i hope the people you love love you back unconditionally!
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nta. outing someone is never okay and i’m so sorry that happened to you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: everyone in this story is 16f &#x200b; last year during covid lockdown in my country, i started to question whether i even found men attractive, and i came to the conclusion that i'm a lesbian. the whole process was really difficult for me as my parents are lowkey homophobic lol. anyway so a couple of months after i realised this, i told a very close friend of mine that i was lesbian. she was very accepting, if a little confused. i wasn't ready to tell the rest of my friend group as they are quite christian (they go to church n stuff). for the next month or so we didn't really discuss it and just continued on with life (we were still in lockdown). &#x200b; okay so fast forward to 2 weeks ago, this friend dms me on instagram and says something along the lines of "it's really time you come out to the rest of the group, im getting quite impatient". i was quite shocked by this so i told her that i would soon when i felt more ready. she replied with something like "it's been a long time since you told me, so you should be ready". she really was very kind about it!!! the problem was that she just kept on bringing it up. she would drop hints in the group chat and irl, which made me quite uncomfortable but i was too scared to say anything because i didnt want to be mean. the hints were like when one of the girls were talking about their celebrity crushes she would say "helpme\_findthissong isnt really into them" and just that sort of thing. anyway a few days later i check my phone and she says that if i dont tell them she will. this kinda freaked me out and i sorta had a panic attack (it made me have an asthma attack lmao). but i really wanted to be the one to tell them, not her so i just awkwardly put it on the group chat (it was so awkward haha). she was so happy and dmed me congratulating me and stuff but i just didn't feel happy about it because i really wanted to feel ready. i had been pretending to be okay with how it happened until last friday when she revealed to me that she had actually told 2 of the girls in the group before i had even had the chance to. (all the girls were really accepting and lovely). i found out she also told her parents?? very strange :( anyway i said that she didnt understand what it was like and that what she had done was really mean, and she started to cry. she hasn't spoken to me for 4 days now. also some of my friends have been saying i overreacted. &#x200b; reasons why i might be the asshole: the way which i responded to her was very strong, and i did snap without previously making it absolutely clear that it upset me, seeing as i only ever said it made me uncomfortable and didnt directly tell her to stop.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
everyone in this story is 16f &#x200b; last year during covid lockdown in my country, i started to question whether i even found men attractive, and i came to the conclusion that i'm a lesbian. the whole process was really difficult for me as my parents are lowkey homophobic lol. anyway so a couple of months after i realised this, i told a very close friend of mine that i was lesbian. she was very accepting, if a little confused. i wasn't ready to tell the rest of my friend group as they are quite christian (they go to church n stuff). for the next month or so we didn't really discuss it and just continued on with life (we were still in lockdown). &#x200b; okay so fast forward to 2 weeks ago, this friend dms me on instagram and says something along the lines of "it's really time you come out to the rest of the group, im getting quite impatient". i was quite shocked by this so i told her that i would soon when i felt more ready. she replied with something like "it's been a long time since you told me, so you should be ready". she really was very kind about it!!! the problem was that she just kept on bringing it up. she would drop hints in the group chat and irl, which made me quite uncomfortable but i was too scared to say anything because i didnt want to be mean. the hints were like when one of the girls were talking about their celebrity crushes she would say "helpme\_findthissong isnt really into them" and just that sort of thing. anyway a few days later i check my phone and she says that if i dont tell them she will. this kinda freaked me out and i sorta had a panic attack (it made me have an asthma attack lmao). but i really wanted to be the one to tell them, not her so i just awkwardly put it on the group chat (it was so awkward haha). she was so happy and dmed me congratulating me and stuff but i just didn't feel happy about it because i really wanted to feel ready. i had been pretending to be okay with how it happened until last friday when she revealed to me that she had actually told 2 of the girls in the group before i had even had the chance to. (all the girls were really accepting and lovely). i found out she also told her parents?? very strange :( anyway i said that she didnt understand what it was like and that what she had done was really mean, and she started to cry. she hasn't spoken to me for 4 days now. also some of my friends have been saying i overreacted. &#x200b; reasons why i might be the asshole: the way which i responded to her was very strong, and i did snap without previously making it absolutely clear that it upset me, seeing as i only ever said it made me uncomfortable and didnt directly tell her to stop. [/INST] nta you specifically told her that you wanted to wait and that you didnt want her to say anything. instead of listening to your wishes, she forced you to come forward with it. that's not what real friends do. </s>
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AITA for not letting my 8 year old nephew play with my $825 lightsaber
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first time posting here so forgive any improper etiquette. about a week ago my sister and her 8 year old son came over for lunch. i have a very good relationship with her and my nephew, so they come over here quite often. lately he's been getting into star wars, which i think is great because i'm a huge star wars fan. throughout the past few weeks i've made sure to keep him interested, and usually have a star wars themed gift for him when they come over. for this particular visit, i had bought him a star wars lego set. not a particularly big one, but nonetheless with lego's prices it was still $50. anyway, my sister and i are talking at the table while he's building the lego set in the living room. he runs back to the table incredibly excited and barely speaking coherently. by the time we stand up from the table he's already ran to my bedroom. (i usually keep the door closed but i guess i forgot) when we get there he's jumping up and down and pointing at my lightsaber that's hanging on the wall. naturally he then proceeds to ask, "can i see it?" even i play with it sometimes so i can see how an eight year old couldn't resist. i tell him no and then go to steer him out of my bedroom when my sister asks "why can't he play with it?" i try to explain to her that it's very expensive, at which point she asks how much. when i reluctantly tell her that it cost me $825 she looks appalled, but still insists that he would be careful and wouldn't break it. at this point she's rather upset and we get in an argument because "i don't want to share my toys". they both left shortly after that. we're not really fighting anymore, but she's still very much annoyed and thinks that i'm wrong to not let her son play with my lightsaber regardless of how much it costs. aita?
[this is the lightsaber in question](https://vadersvault.com/the-revanchist/)
| 1,694 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fw45j1/aita_for_not_letting_my_8_year_old_nephew_play/
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2020-04-06 18:32:34
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nta - your sister didn't have the right to force you to let your nephew play with it. some things are off limits and mostly, kids are pretty good at understanding and appreciating that, so she should have backed you on it. hopefully she realises and apologises!
also: wicked cool light saber op
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tell her: "ok, i'll let him play with it: if he breaks it, you'll repay me the $825. deal?"
nta.
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nta
even though he doesn't want to, he can easily break it. he's too small, his fine motor skills are not fully developed yet so he can easily drop it by accident while trying to be careful with it. and he's too small to understand the value of such things.
you can maybe get him and yourself some cheaper toy lightsabers and play with those, i'm sure he would be just as excited about that too :)
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nta kids are walking accidents. its your and you have every right to deny them. she needs to explain ti her kid somethings aren't toys.
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nta parents can be very unreasonable when it comes to their kids.
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nta i love my nephew but am very wary of leaving him play with any of my expensive collectables
i do have a cheap lightsaber i’ve left him use in the past.
also yours is beautiful!
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nta, you're not obligated to share your belongings, certainly not expensive ones with a child who might damage it. your sister sounds like an entitled parent. i'd physically lock up the bedroom/hide the lightsaber next time they visit.
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no, that’s expensive. if u didn’t want it broken u did the right thing
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nta clearly it wasn't out in plain sight and a toy like that isn't made to play with but for a collector's item. your sister was the ah in this.
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nta. it's your stuff and your choice
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: first time posting here so forgive any improper etiquette. about a week ago my sister and her 8 year old son came over for lunch. i have a very good relationship with her and my nephew, so they come over here quite often. lately he's been getting into star wars, which i think is great because i'm a huge star wars fan. throughout the past few weeks i've made sure to keep him interested, and usually have a star wars themed gift for him when they come over. for this particular visit, i had bought him a star wars lego set. not a particularly big one, but nonetheless with lego's prices it was still $50. anyway, my sister and i are talking at the table while he's building the lego set in the living room. he runs back to the table incredibly excited and barely speaking coherently. by the time we stand up from the table he's already ran to my bedroom. (i usually keep the door closed but i guess i forgot) when we get there he's jumping up and down and pointing at my lightsaber that's hanging on the wall. naturally he then proceeds to ask, "can i see it?" even i play with it sometimes so i can see how an eight year old couldn't resist. i tell him no and then go to steer him out of my bedroom when my sister asks "why can't he play with it?" i try to explain to her that it's very expensive, at which point she asks how much. when i reluctantly tell her that it cost me $825 she looks appalled, but still insists that he would be careful and wouldn't break it. at this point she's rather upset and we get in an argument because "i don't want to share my toys". they both left shortly after that. we're not really fighting anymore, but she's still very much annoyed and thinks that i'm wrong to not let her son play with my lightsaber regardless of how much it costs. aita? [this is the lightsaber in question](https://vadersvault.com/the-revanchist/)
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
first time posting here so forgive any improper etiquette. about a week ago my sister and her 8 year old son came over for lunch. i have a very good relationship with her and my nephew, so they come over here quite often. lately he's been getting into star wars, which i think is great because i'm a huge star wars fan. throughout the past few weeks i've made sure to keep him interested, and usually have a star wars themed gift for him when they come over. for this particular visit, i had bought him a star wars lego set. not a particularly big one, but nonetheless with lego's prices it was still $50. anyway, my sister and i are talking at the table while he's building the lego set in the living room. he runs back to the table incredibly excited and barely speaking coherently. by the time we stand up from the table he's already ran to my bedroom. (i usually keep the door closed but i guess i forgot) when we get there he's jumping up and down and pointing at my lightsaber that's hanging on the wall. naturally he then proceeds to ask, "can i see it?" even i play with it sometimes so i can see how an eight year old couldn't resist. i tell him no and then go to steer him out of my bedroom when my sister asks "why can't he play with it?" i try to explain to her that it's very expensive, at which point she asks how much. when i reluctantly tell her that it cost me $825 she looks appalled, but still insists that he would be careful and wouldn't break it. at this point she's rather upset and we get in an argument because "i don't want to share my toys". they both left shortly after that. we're not really fighting anymore, but she's still very much annoyed and thinks that i'm wrong to not let her son play with my lightsaber regardless of how much it costs. aita? [this is the lightsaber in question](https://vadersvault.com/the-revanchist/) [/INST] nta - your sister didn't have the right to force you to let your nephew play with it. some things are off limits and mostly, kids are pretty good at understanding and appreciating that, so she should have backed you on it. hopefully she realises and apologises! also: wicked cool light saber op </s>
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AITA for getting upset at my husband for not picking me up from the airport?
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background first, i come from a family where you would just always pick up your friends and family from the airport if you could, regardless of the time of day. my husband does not. he also doesn't sleep well if woken up so we made a compromise that he will take me /pick me up if it's between the hours of 6 am and 11pm. for me, i would always pick him up in general.
anyway, i had a flight (redeye) that was scheduled to land at 9:35am. he had something he needed to do online at 10am so the plan was for him to drive there, get me, and i would drive home while he did his thing on the phone (it would cause no issues to do it on mobile). i usually text him when i land and he leaves then since we live pretty close to the airport. well my flight ended being 20minutes delayed in the air and when i landed at 9:55 he hadn't left the house and said he could no longer do so because he had to do that thing at 10. i asked why he hadn't come earlier and waited for me in the cell phone lot and he said he was waiting for my text; i said that might make sense up until 940 (it's about 15 minute drive to the airport) but then he should have just left. he said he didn't know what had happened to my flight and didn't know my flight information. i pointed out he knew where i was flying from and my airline so it would have been easy to check and he could have also gone into my email to find the info if he forgot that. (my computer is right next to his and my email is always open) he apologized but said i was making a big deal out of nothing.
anyway i ended up taking an uber home and was upset for a few hours but then moved on. i was curious though, was i being unreasonable? was he? thanks.
| 1,288 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nh05l7/aita_for_getting_upset_at_my_husband_for_not/
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2021-05-20 13:25:11
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yta. in general i agree that it's nice to pick your partner up from the airport, but in this case your flight was late and you knew he had a thing at 10:00. i think you need to let it go this time.
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yta. is this really a hill you want to die on? you knew he had a thing, your flight was delayed, you live close to the airport so uber can't have been terribly expensive. in the grand scheme of life, ubering home one time should really not be argument worthy when the situation changed unexpectedly
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you’re reading too much into this, as if not picking you up/not magically knowing what you would’ve wanted him to do means if he doesn’t love you.
you knew he had a thing at 10am (this was not a surprise) and he was doing the exact thing he said he would be doing (waiting for your text).
you’re getting mad because of something you think he “should’ve done” (i.e. what you would’ve done) even though this was not the agreement.
save your anger for when he doesn’t do something that he said he would (a broken promise) instead of the opposite.
choose your battles. let it go, or yta.
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yta but softly. personally i think you were being selfish when you knew he had something he had to do at 10am and your flight will land at the earliest at 9:30, but you still decided that he should pick you up anyway. even with the “compromises”, it made his morning more complicated than it needed to be. you’re wanting him to be thoughtful toward you, but you’re not being very thoughtful toward him.
that’s not to say he shouldn’t pick you up when he is available, but in this case you kind of set yourself up for disappointment. there are so many unforeseen delays with air travel, this plan with a 20-min window was probably not going to work out.
but i don’t necessarily think you’re just being unreasonable, there could be something else that made this feel bigger for you. you may want to reflect on why the airport pickup is so significant for you? is it just a romantic movie image that stuck, which case you should work on it, or is this incidence a symptom of a larger pattern when you feel like your partner never takes initiative to be thoughtful toward you?
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yta. even if it was scheduled to land at 9:35am that is still cutting it close. just happens the flight was late, oh well.
my husband travels for work so i often take him to the airport or pick up him. but if it falls into a time when i am working/or close too (i work from home) he takes a cab or other transportation home. its not that big of a deal to make your own arrangements especially when the other person has to work or has other obligations. yes its nice to pick people up and so on but sometimes it just doesn't work out. uber/taxi from the airport to our house is approx. $26 dollars too. sometimes you need to spend the money, its not a big deal.
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nta i honestly can’t figure out all of these y t a comments. i travel a decent amount for work and i sometimes have delays or weird arrivals. my partner picks me up if we agreed on that. any in air delays are usually +\- 30min. if i’m early i wait, if i’m late he waits. he knows how to track the flight and has the ability to adjust accordingly. was it a bit of a conflict? sure. but the husband made that conflict not op. he scheduled his meeting after agreeing to pick them up and didn’t feel it was worth the inconvenience to adjust it so they agreed on a solution. that’s the crux of the issue. his boundaries revolve around his inconvenience and sitting in a cell phone waiting lot, which the majority of airports have, is a freaking mild inconvenience. especially for a partner. could op have taken uber? sure. but they agreed on the pick up and it isn’t an asshole thing to expect a little more consideration than him just not showing up because of 20min. it doesn’t sound like he even let them know with a text that he couldn’t make it. op was on a plane, what was his excuse for zero communication? everyone is going on about how op change the agreement, but he has already done that to them multiple times. i’d try to talk with your husband about why this bothered you because i think it’s less about the not being picked up and more about not feeling like you’re a priority.
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was a 20min uber ride that big of a deal
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yta if you landed at 9:55 then he'd have been trying to negotiate getting from the cell lot to the curb and getting you and your belongings into the car and switching drivers during his 10:00 work call.
yeah it's nice to have someone waiting for you and not have to navigate getting a taxi, uber, or shared shuttle after a flight, but it is also selfish to expect someone to be waiting on you during their work day, no matter how flexible their job is. "oh just leave at 9:40 and hang out waiting for my plane to arrive" is pretty self centered too. what if your plane had been further delayed and landed (or not been able to get a gate) until 11? he's stuck sitting in the car that whole time being a whole lot less productive at his work.
if you insist on him waiting on you for flights in the future, then you both need to sign up for something like flightaware (it is free) and make sure that your flight info and alerts are added prior to the trip.
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nta. not only did your husband not drive to the airport at your original arrival time and just wait for you, but he didn't even bother to let you know that he wouldn't be able to make it there to pick you up after all, until *you* called *him.* so, basically, he just left you stranded at the airport and didn't care how you got home. total ah move on his part.
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he told you he would do something and then he didn’t do it. of course you have a right to be upset, that’s just plain rude. you were expecting a ride because he said he would give you one and then he left you hanging. brutal. you’re nta, but he is. i hope this is not a common theme in your relationship
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
| null |
YTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.419026 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: background first, i come from a family where you would just always pick up your friends and family from the airport if you could, regardless of the time of day. my husband does not. he also doesn't sleep well if woken up so we made a compromise that he will take me /pick me up if it's between the hours of 6 am and 11pm. for me, i would always pick him up in general. anyway, i had a flight (redeye) that was scheduled to land at 9:35am. he had something he needed to do online at 10am so the plan was for him to drive there, get me, and i would drive home while he did his thing on the phone (it would cause no issues to do it on mobile). i usually text him when i land and he leaves then since we live pretty close to the airport. well my flight ended being 20minutes delayed in the air and when i landed at 9:55 he hadn't left the house and said he could no longer do so because he had to do that thing at 10. i asked why he hadn't come earlier and waited for me in the cell phone lot and he said he was waiting for my text; i said that might make sense up until 940 (it's about 15 minute drive to the airport) but then he should have just left. he said he didn't know what had happened to my flight and didn't know my flight information. i pointed out he knew where i was flying from and my airline so it would have been easy to check and he could have also gone into my email to find the info if he forgot that. (my computer is right next to his and my email is always open) he apologized but said i was making a big deal out of nothing. anyway i ended up taking an uber home and was upset for a few hours but then moved on. i was curious though, was i being unreasonable? was he? thanks.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
background first, i come from a family where you would just always pick up your friends and family from the airport if you could, regardless of the time of day. my husband does not. he also doesn't sleep well if woken up so we made a compromise that he will take me /pick me up if it's between the hours of 6 am and 11pm. for me, i would always pick him up in general. anyway, i had a flight (redeye) that was scheduled to land at 9:35am. he had something he needed to do online at 10am so the plan was for him to drive there, get me, and i would drive home while he did his thing on the phone (it would cause no issues to do it on mobile). i usually text him when i land and he leaves then since we live pretty close to the airport. well my flight ended being 20minutes delayed in the air and when i landed at 9:55 he hadn't left the house and said he could no longer do so because he had to do that thing at 10. i asked why he hadn't come earlier and waited for me in the cell phone lot and he said he was waiting for my text; i said that might make sense up until 940 (it's about 15 minute drive to the airport) but then he should have just left. he said he didn't know what had happened to my flight and didn't know my flight information. i pointed out he knew where i was flying from and my airline so it would have been easy to check and he could have also gone into my email to find the info if he forgot that. (my computer is right next to his and my email is always open) he apologized but said i was making a big deal out of nothing. anyway i ended up taking an uber home and was upset for a few hours but then moved on. i was curious though, was i being unreasonable? was he? thanks. [/INST] yta. in general i agree that it's nice to pick your partner up from the airport, but in this case your flight was late and you knew he had a thing at 10:00. i think you need to let it go this time. </s>
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AITA for wanting my home to be my home
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had to repost, exceed the limit
(m33) just moved in with gf (27f) of 7months. her mortgage is cheaper than my rent so seemed like a good idea.
she won’t let me have equal say in the house. she doesn’t want my furniture in the living room as her furniture is “better” and fits the rest of the house more. she was pretty snobby about my furniture because it’s from ikea. i put her stuff on fbook market place to show her if we used my furniture and sold her we could go on a holiday or something.
her dad wants her lawyer to make a contract so i can’t claim half her house if we break up. which is rude. she agrees with him and got pissy when i said the house should be split 50:50. the deposit was inheritance money from her grand parents so it’s not even her money. she just got given it. plus she’s only lived in the house for a year.
her sister found my fbook post about the furniture so freaked out which made my gf freak out and she sent me to stay with my mum and won’t talk to me while she thinks things through. her friends keep raging her in “white male apartment” memes which is petty and immature.
my mum has taken her side and i’m so frustrated that no one thinks i’m entitled to my fair share. i feel like gf is taking advantage of me. aita for wanting what’s mine by rights?
tldr gf won’t let me have my fair share of the house even though i’m going to pay half of the mortgage
| 280 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/irf25k/aita_for_wanting_my_home_to_be_my_home/
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2020-09-12 15:54:43
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yta
what fair share? it’s her house. her inheritance is her money, it was given to her which makes it hers. you posted her belongings for sale without her permission. did you really think that was going to over well?
if she’s smart she will not only get a lawyer to make sure she doesn’t lose anything but she’ll also get a new boyfriend.
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yta- "i want what's mine". you aren't entitled to anything just because you're dating this girl. she has a right to be cautious financially, and by the way it sounds she should be with you. you don't own half of that apartment just because you guys are dating, so dont act like it. if you want a new apartment that badly then buy it yourself.
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yta. 7 months and you already feel entitled to half of her house? telling her to sell her furniture so you can go on a trip? wow, sir, wow. you're a true class act.
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yta. your behavior would concern me of she was my friend or relative. it's her house, and it's a red flag that just after you moved in you're wanting to claim half of it of you split. she should 100% safe guard herself with a contract, and you sound grasping. why would you try and sell her furniture, that she picked out for that house, within her permission? again just seems like you're trying to benefit yourself by selling her possessions so you get a holiday. not gonna lie, if i was her i'd change the locks and break up.
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yta... and a bit entitled. it’s not your house. you are just living there. your gf paid the deposit, regardless of whether it was inheritance or not. if you really want an equal share then talk to her about reimbursing half of the deposit
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yta. inheritance is still her money, no matter its source. she got the mortgage and holds it. it belongs to her. you don't say what country/state you're in, but it sounds like, legally, you're a renter. that your rent pays half the mortgage is irrelevant. and showing her stuff on fb marketplace is a dick move. it wasn't your stuff to show.
edited to clarify
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yta. you aren't married to this girl. the house is in her name, the debt is in her name, and it all predates you by years. you are entitled to nothing. you are a tenant in her house until you are married and even then the house would still 100 percent belong to her of you divorced because it would predate your marriage. if you want a house buy one yourself. your girlfriends shit does not belong to you just because you are fucking her. if you move in you pay rent because it's not free to live anywhere. your girlfriend is your landlord. you are her tenant. paying rent to any other landlord doesn't mean you get partial ownership of an apartment. why should it be any different in someone else's home?
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>her mortgage is cheaper than my rent so seemed like a good idea.
ah, yes, saving money is definitely a great reason to move in together! /s
>she was pretty snobby about my furniture because it’s from ikea. i put her stuff on fbook market place to show her if we used my furniture and sold her we could go on a holiday or something.
again, the $$$! of course, you should list *her* furniture on facebook without her permission! that's totally normal and not an asshole thing to do!/s
i'm completely amazed she wasn't grateful for your inconsiderate, selfish, and rude behaviour! wow! some people, amirite?!/s
>her dad wants her lawyer to make a contract so i can’t claim half her house if we break up. which is rude. she agrees with him and got pissy when i said the house should be split 50:50.
oh, she doesn't want to *give you half of the house you paid absolutely nothing for?!* huh. it's almost like it's her fucking house, and she owes you nothing. no, wait, it is her fucking house and she owes you absolutely nothing!!!
the only rude one here is you, and your ridiculously entitled attitude.
>the deposit was inheritance money from her grand parents so it’s not even her money.
it *was* her money. that's what an inheritance is.
>she just got given it.
yeah, that's how an inheritance works.
>plus she’s only lived in the house for a year.
what's your point? it's *her* house she bought with *her* money. you sound unhinged.
>her sister found my fbook post about the furniture so freaked out which made my gf freak out and she sent me to stay with my mum and won’t talk to me while she thinks things through. her friends keep raging her in “white male apartment” memes which is petty and immature.
you *listed her furniture* on facebook *without permission* so you could spend her money on a vacation!!!
the only immature person in this entire scenario is you!
>my mum has taken her side and i’m so frustrated that no one thinks i’m entitled to my fair share. i feel like gf is taking advantage of me. aita for wanting what’s mine by rights?
your *fair share?* fair share of what?! a house you didn't pay a dime for? furniture you don't own yet tried to sell?
yta
and most likely soon to be single. because who wants to be with someone who is so far from reality as to think they deserve a *fair share* of someone else's belongings?!
*eta*
>final
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yta. it's her house in her name, you're a tenant. you aren't entitled to any portion of the value of the home if you break up because you don't own it. even your mother knows you aren't entitled to anything.
as for the furniture, that's something you and your girlfriend need to sort out. i wouldn't be in a rush to sell it in case she kicks you out.
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if your name is not on the actual mortgage, it's not half yours. also, you don't get to decide she has to sell her furniture or post it on facebook marketplace. yta
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: had to repost, exceed the limit (m33) just moved in with gf (27f) of 7months. her mortgage is cheaper than my rent so seemed like a good idea. she won’t let me have equal say in the house. she doesn’t want my furniture in the living room as her furniture is “better” and fits the rest of the house more. she was pretty snobby about my furniture because it’s from ikea. i put her stuff on fbook market place to show her if we used my furniture and sold her we could go on a holiday or something. her dad wants her lawyer to make a contract so i can’t claim half her house if we break up. which is rude. she agrees with him and got pissy when i said the house should be split 50:50. the deposit was inheritance money from her grand parents so it’s not even her money. she just got given it. plus she’s only lived in the house for a year. her sister found my fbook post about the furniture so freaked out which made my gf freak out and she sent me to stay with my mum and won’t talk to me while she thinks things through. her friends keep raging her in “white male apartment” memes which is petty and immature. my mum has taken her side and i’m so frustrated that no one thinks i’m entitled to my fair share. i feel like gf is taking advantage of me. aita for wanting what’s mine by rights? tldr gf won’t let me have my fair share of the house even though i’m going to pay half of the mortgage
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
had to repost, exceed the limit (m33) just moved in with gf (27f) of 7months. her mortgage is cheaper than my rent so seemed like a good idea. she won’t let me have equal say in the house. she doesn’t want my furniture in the living room as her furniture is “better” and fits the rest of the house more. she was pretty snobby about my furniture because it’s from ikea. i put her stuff on fbook market place to show her if we used my furniture and sold her we could go on a holiday or something. her dad wants her lawyer to make a contract so i can’t claim half her house if we break up. which is rude. she agrees with him and got pissy when i said the house should be split 50:50. the deposit was inheritance money from her grand parents so it’s not even her money. she just got given it. plus she’s only lived in the house for a year. her sister found my fbook post about the furniture so freaked out which made my gf freak out and she sent me to stay with my mum and won’t talk to me while she thinks things through. her friends keep raging her in “white male apartment” memes which is petty and immature. my mum has taken her side and i’m so frustrated that no one thinks i’m entitled to my fair share. i feel like gf is taking advantage of me. aita for wanting what’s mine by rights? tldr gf won’t let me have my fair share of the house even though i’m going to pay half of the mortgage [/INST] yta what fair share? it’s her house. her inheritance is her money, it was given to her which makes it hers. you posted her belongings for sale without her permission. did you really think that was going to over well? if she’s smart she will not only get a lawyer to make sure she doesn’t lose anything but she’ll also get a new boyfriend. </s>
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AITA for planning on restricting MIL from meeting my unborn child?
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26f 31 weeks pregnant with my 1st. 5 weeks ago i went to visit my mil with husband. she's never cared about my pregnancy, never offered any support or offered to cook on my ill days or asking about appointments or my wellbeing etc.
so as i was sat there surprisingly she asked me about my appintments, scans etc, was saying all this to build up to the moment where she could finally say what she wanted. which was, after my baby is born i need to move in with her so she can "look" after me and her 1st grandchild, and that i shouldn't go to my mums as its her 1st grandchild and her 1st happiness. she wants me to move in with her so it's convenient for her to be in the comfort of her own home and nothing for my comfort.
she obviously doesn't give a shit about me, her whole purpose was just so she can have my baby her grandchild with her. well i told her no. i said my mum has been looking after me during my pregnancy and i feel more comfortable with her, she then went all loud and rude infront of my husband and his 3 siblings saying youre married to our family now, i'm your new mum, you need to stay here.
i couldn't sit there any longer so 5 minutes later i left with my husband, on the way back home my sister texted me saying my mil had rang my mum and she could hear her over the phone being very loud, which really upset my mum as this had nothing to do with her. she was ringing my mum up to complain over me as though i was a primary school kid.
that got me really angry, due to the whole situation my bp shot up and the next day i had a growth scan which showed baby was distressed due to my raised bp levels. i had to be monitored for 4 hours.
that evening @10pm she rang and asked if she should come over, i said no. i was in bed with a headache, and who in their right mind would want the lady who caused them that much stress to come visit them whilst they have a headache and in bed ready to sleep.
5 weeks have gone by,she hasn't rang me or my mum to apologise,she's sulking at home saying i spoke to her very rudely and she's made it out as though she is the victim in this whole situation.
she humiliated me infront of my husband and his 3 siblings, she then rang my mum the minute i left to vent her anger out on her. she raised my bp and put my baby in distress, but apparently i spoke to her rudely on the phone telling her not to come over at 10pm as i was in bed with a headache. so the overgrown child expects me to pick up my phone and apologise for hurting her small feelings and made herself into a victim.
so i've decided if she's like this with me during my pregnancy she can take the backseat after my baby is born & not act like shes the grandma of the year. my husband said that were both upset and we should both sort it out together. am i the asshole in keeping my distance completely and holding this against her?
| 1,737 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qbo3ya/aita_for_planning_on_restricting_mil_from_meeting/
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2021-10-19 23:47:01
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nta
and your husband needs to back you up aswell.
she literally caused you so much stress it impacted your unborn child.
i would stay with your mother post birth indefinitely at this point
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"i'm your new mum"?!?!?! helllllll no. your partner needs to get on the same page as you and set some boundaries immediately.
nta at all.
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nta.
>my husband said that were both upset and we should both sort it out together.
no, he should be protecting you from his overbearing invasive mom who is causing you and his child health issues.
you aren't *holding this against her.* you are protecting yourself.
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nta. time to draw hard boundaries with creepy mil *and* with husband, who is clearly not getting it.
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nta. tell your husband there is nothing to sort out with his overbearing mil. she overstepped her bounds and refuses to apologize so she will not be involved in the babies life. after the "im your new mum" comment she sounds like she would be the type to run off with the baby if given the chance
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nta, it sounds like a controlling narcissist. wtf do you have to move in with her??? i am guessing it is because it is her house therefore her rules. nope, stay at home and have your mother help you. your mil can have controlled visits only when your husband is home.
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nta.. tell your husband that you have sorted things out. mil is not seeing the new baby without an apology. and i would hope that she refuses to apologize so you can have a peaceful time at the delivery and pp.
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nta. and please tell your husband that under no circumstance is he to let her know when you go into labor! because i’m pretty sure she will show up at the hospital, and no one needs that level of hell!
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you have a (spineless) husband problem as well as mil problem. your husband should have your back 100% on this and be the one to tell his mother to back off.
he's got to fix this now or everything will get worse after your baby is born.
nta
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nta-your mil is making this all about her at your expense. not even getting into the actual list of demands she had, the way she's handling your rejection of them, and her reaction to the physical stress she gave you, is insane.
i think that, in light of all this, talking to your husband about both of your expectations regarding your mil after the baby is born would help a lot. a united front against an over-intense family member helps tons.
best of luck throughout the rest of your pregnancy, and with figuring this out!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: 26f 31 weeks pregnant with my 1st. 5 weeks ago i went to visit my mil with husband. she's never cared about my pregnancy, never offered any support or offered to cook on my ill days or asking about appointments or my wellbeing etc. so as i was sat there surprisingly she asked me about my appintments, scans etc, was saying all this to build up to the moment where she could finally say what she wanted. which was, after my baby is born i need to move in with her so she can "look" after me and her 1st grandchild, and that i shouldn't go to my mums as its her 1st grandchild and her 1st happiness. she wants me to move in with her so it's convenient for her to be in the comfort of her own home and nothing for my comfort. she obviously doesn't give a shit about me, her whole purpose was just so she can have my baby her grandchild with her. well i told her no. i said my mum has been looking after me during my pregnancy and i feel more comfortable with her, she then went all loud and rude infront of my husband and his 3 siblings saying youre married to our family now, i'm your new mum, you need to stay here. i couldn't sit there any longer so 5 minutes later i left with my husband, on the way back home my sister texted me saying my mil had rang my mum and she could hear her over the phone being very loud, which really upset my mum as this had nothing to do with her. she was ringing my mum up to complain over me as though i was a primary school kid. that got me really angry, due to the whole situation my bp shot up and the next day i had a growth scan which showed baby was distressed due to my raised bp levels. i had to be monitored for 4 hours. that evening @10pm she rang and asked if she should come over, i said no. i was in bed with a headache, and who in their right mind would want the lady who caused them that much stress to come visit them whilst they have a headache and in bed ready to sleep. 5 weeks have gone by,she hasn't rang me or my mum to apologise,she's sulking at home saying i spoke to her very rudely and she's made it out as though she is the victim in this whole situation. she humiliated me infront of my husband and his 3 siblings, she then rang my mum the minute i left to vent her anger out on her. she raised my bp and put my baby in distress, but apparently i spoke to her rudely on the phone telling her not to come over at 10pm as i was in bed with a headache. so the overgrown child expects me to pick up my phone and apologise for hurting her small feelings and made herself into a victim. so i've decided if she's like this with me during my pregnancy she can take the backseat after my baby is born & not act like shes the grandma of the year. my husband said that were both upset and we should both sort it out together. am i the asshole in keeping my distance completely and holding this against her?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
26f 31 weeks pregnant with my 1st. 5 weeks ago i went to visit my mil with husband. she's never cared about my pregnancy, never offered any support or offered to cook on my ill days or asking about appointments or my wellbeing etc. so as i was sat there surprisingly she asked me about my appintments, scans etc, was saying all this to build up to the moment where she could finally say what she wanted. which was, after my baby is born i need to move in with her so she can "look" after me and her 1st grandchild, and that i shouldn't go to my mums as its her 1st grandchild and her 1st happiness. she wants me to move in with her so it's convenient for her to be in the comfort of her own home and nothing for my comfort. she obviously doesn't give a shit about me, her whole purpose was just so she can have my baby her grandchild with her. well i told her no. i said my mum has been looking after me during my pregnancy and i feel more comfortable with her, she then went all loud and rude infront of my husband and his 3 siblings saying youre married to our family now, i'm your new mum, you need to stay here. i couldn't sit there any longer so 5 minutes later i left with my husband, on the way back home my sister texted me saying my mil had rang my mum and she could hear her over the phone being very loud, which really upset my mum as this had nothing to do with her. she was ringing my mum up to complain over me as though i was a primary school kid. that got me really angry, due to the whole situation my bp shot up and the next day i had a growth scan which showed baby was distressed due to my raised bp levels. i had to be monitored for 4 hours. that evening @10pm she rang and asked if she should come over, i said no. i was in bed with a headache, and who in their right mind would want the lady who caused them that much stress to come visit them whilst they have a headache and in bed ready to sleep. 5 weeks have gone by,she hasn't rang me or my mum to apologise,she's sulking at home saying i spoke to her very rudely and she's made it out as though she is the victim in this whole situation. she humiliated me infront of my husband and his 3 siblings, she then rang my mum the minute i left to vent her anger out on her. she raised my bp and put my baby in distress, but apparently i spoke to her rudely on the phone telling her not to come over at 10pm as i was in bed with a headache. so the overgrown child expects me to pick up my phone and apologise for hurting her small feelings and made herself into a victim. so i've decided if she's like this with me during my pregnancy she can take the backseat after my baby is born & not act like shes the grandma of the year. my husband said that were both upset and we should both sort it out together. am i the asshole in keeping my distance completely and holding this against her? [/INST] nta and your husband needs to back you up aswell. she literally caused you so much stress it impacted your unborn child. i would stay with your mother post birth indefinitely at this point </s>
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AITA for grounding my 17 year old son for the summer for drinking and smoking pot?
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this happened two years ago but it really caused a rift among us which, in some ways, still exists today. i grew up very sheltered and to me, kids who partied were bad kids. like pot and alcohol were bad to me, really bad. only the worst kids \*actually\* did that stuff. so i will admit i was very ignorant to reality in that regard.
&#x200b;
my son, during the beginning of summer, went to a friends house and their mother came home and caught them with beers and pot in the backyard. she told me about it and said she felt an obligation to tell the other parents. i was distraught and upset, i had no idea he was smoking and drinking, and hes been at that friends house a bunch. i grounded him for the entire summer, up until his college (local, so he was staying home) started. at the time i honestly thought it wasn't enough of a punishment. he was really upset, like crying and depressed kind of upset. we fought a lot during the first few days, and then he just spent most of his time in his room.
&#x200b;
honestly, that was kind of a turning point for our entire relationship and i feel like he hasn't really been the same with me since. he hadn't ever really misbehaved much before so this was the first real punishment i've doled out in that sense, and he took it badly. he sometimes treats me like i'm the enemy, and he rarely tells me about his life since that. am i the asshole for doing that? that isn't that extreme of a punishment right?
| 787 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i3typb/aita_for_grounding_my_17_year_old_son_for_the/
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2020-08-04 23:07:03
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yta actions have consequences. you drove that wedge in your relationship yourself.
you should have talked to him and educated him on what he was already doing. because, i would bet my house he still smokes and drinks.
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yta. he spent 2 months grounded? that's an insane overreaction.
i'm going to assume that you were very strict with him growing up, and this is just the worst example of your disproportionate punishments. i wouldn't trust you with any details if my life either, for fear that you would kick me out for failing to look both ways before crossing the street.
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> i grounded him for the entire summer, up until his college (local, so he was staying home) started.
you're not serious. you took his entire final summer before college? 2-weeks, no car, max. you do not steal his final chance at making memories with the friends moving off around the country or beyond.
&#x200b;
>at the time i honestly thought it wasn't enough of a punishment.
tell me you're a troll. no actual parent would believe this. you went nuclear on an antbed.
&#x200b;
>he was really upset, like crying and depressed kind of upset. we fought a lot during the first few days, and then he just spent most of his time in his room.
you broke his heart, and betrayed him, and you are very, very fortunate he even listened. most kids wouldn't have. he's out of high school. he's emancipated. you get no say in his actions anymore.
>honestly, that was kind of a turning point for our entire relationship and i feel like he hasn't really been the same with me since.
can't imagine why...
>he hadn't ever really misbehaved much before so this was the first real punishment i've doled out in that sense, and he took it badly.
because you went crazy. protecting your kid is one thing, but you went way off the map.
&#x200b;
>he sometimes treats me like i'm the enemy,
you are.
&#x200b;
>and he rarely tells me about his life since that.
he can't trust you.
>am i the asshole for doing that? that isn't that extreme of a punishment right?
yta.
y are so ta.
y are so ta that he'll likely move out asap and not look back. you ground your son under your heel, and he won't forget that.
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info
what do you actually *want* from your son? do you just not want drugs and alcohol in your house, but he’s free to do them elsewhere? or do you want him to stop doing drugs and alcohol altogether? because the latter’s fine if that’s your goal (you’re the parent), but your way of doing it is pretty ineffective.
do you really think grounding him at 17 is somehow gonna keep him from pot and alcohol for all time? obviously not. what he *is* going to learn is that he needs to be sneakier and tell you less (which he’s already doing!) so what you’ve effectively done is pushed him away because you’ve shown no tolerance for dialogue, just irrational, knee-jerk panic.
but if you’re really concerned, talk to him. discuss your fears and listen to what he has to say in return. make it a conscientious discussion of both your worries and his wishes. make sure you both listen to *each other*. otherwise all you’re teaching him is that your household is a prison he needs to escape as soon as possible and then he’s free to binge with 0 repercussions.
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yta. the whole summer? just for weed and beer? those are such normal things for a teenager to do, grounding him for that long was a bit unnecessary especially if he’s generally a good kid and doesn’t get in trouble a lot. i can understand why you punished him but i do think that was a bit excessive. he’s just living his youth and experimenting! & he’s not telling you anything anymore out of fear that you’ll react badly and punish him again. your child should feel like they can be open and honest with you, which clearly isn’t the case here. and i’m sure he still smokes and drinks, he’s just learnt to be sneaky with it.
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yta. your son actually seemed semi-responsible considering he was drinking safely at a friends place and not driving? the “bad” kids are getting hard drugs. don’t crucify your child for doing normal things that teenagers do. ive seen it first hand that parents who are extremely strict breed kids who are intentionally rebellious and it only makes the problem worse. your kid should be able to talk to you and trust you- not feel the need to walk on eggshells. it’ll create a lot of resentment.
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yta
grounded for 3 months for drinking and smoking? yikes. you took away the last summer of being a kid he'll ever have i would understand if this had been an ongoing issue, but you said he was well behaved for the most part which makes this punishment seem extremely harsh.
not saying he shouldn't have had some kind of punishment (couple weeks? take his phone away?) but i feel educating on the effects on these substances would be more beneficial .
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yta - he was pretty much an adult and was hanging around with his friends doing something the majority of teens his age did and you grounded him for an entire summer instead of having a conversation about it with him explaining your thoughts? no wonder he doesn’t update you on his life that often
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yta. it was incredibly over the top. teens drink, they smoke. its fine, as long as they're responsible about it.
i had my first drink and smoke at 16. my parents found out and took me to aa meetings. all i learned was how little i could trust them.
i'm now 38. i graduated hs and college with honors. i'm happily married, gainfully employed at a fulfilling job, and a daily pot smoker- its the only thing keeping my anxiety in check these days.
i also only speak to my dad when i have to. (once a month, maybe? when he asks to talk to my 7 yr old daughter)
apologize to him. go to therapy together. you may yet have hope.
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yta but i wont drag you.
your raising really marks you, as it marks anyone in this earth, but you have to understand two things, especially:
**1- you can't force your moral compass on your children.**
this first item is very hard to do and will take you a lot of self-criticism, but essentially, you can't force on your kid to never "smoke or drink" again, you have to explain your point of view, tell him he is still a minor and any mistake he does is going to fall on your head and harm you, you grounding him wasn't a mistake, at all, i'd ground my own child for those reasons, but never for an entire summer and without making it loud and clear my reasons, and of course, always listening to them.
**2- your son is almost an adult, have you ever thought he could have something on his mind?**
this part is a complement to the first one. have you ever thought he could have something disturbing him? i say that 'cause sometimes some people have reasons to start using drugs and, despite not being bad at all, it could turn into a snowball. talking to him was definitely the best option for him and it seems you still haven't done that.
this hole essay could be shortened by me saying: **have a convo with your son**, but i wanted to make some additional points. i hope this helps you someway.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this happened two years ago but it really caused a rift among us which, in some ways, still exists today. i grew up very sheltered and to me, kids who partied were bad kids. like pot and alcohol were bad to me, really bad. only the worst kids \*actually\* did that stuff. so i will admit i was very ignorant to reality in that regard. &#x200b; my son, during the beginning of summer, went to a friends house and their mother came home and caught them with beers and pot in the backyard. she told me about it and said she felt an obligation to tell the other parents. i was distraught and upset, i had no idea he was smoking and drinking, and hes been at that friends house a bunch. i grounded him for the entire summer, up until his college (local, so he was staying home) started. at the time i honestly thought it wasn't enough of a punishment. he was really upset, like crying and depressed kind of upset. we fought a lot during the first few days, and then he just spent most of his time in his room. &#x200b; honestly, that was kind of a turning point for our entire relationship and i feel like he hasn't really been the same with me since. he hadn't ever really misbehaved much before so this was the first real punishment i've doled out in that sense, and he took it badly. he sometimes treats me like i'm the enemy, and he rarely tells me about his life since that. am i the asshole for doing that? that isn't that extreme of a punishment right?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this happened two years ago but it really caused a rift among us which, in some ways, still exists today. i grew up very sheltered and to me, kids who partied were bad kids. like pot and alcohol were bad to me, really bad. only the worst kids \*actually\* did that stuff. so i will admit i was very ignorant to reality in that regard. &#x200b; my son, during the beginning of summer, went to a friends house and their mother came home and caught them with beers and pot in the backyard. she told me about it and said she felt an obligation to tell the other parents. i was distraught and upset, i had no idea he was smoking and drinking, and hes been at that friends house a bunch. i grounded him for the entire summer, up until his college (local, so he was staying home) started. at the time i honestly thought it wasn't enough of a punishment. he was really upset, like crying and depressed kind of upset. we fought a lot during the first few days, and then he just spent most of his time in his room. &#x200b; honestly, that was kind of a turning point for our entire relationship and i feel like he hasn't really been the same with me since. he hadn't ever really misbehaved much before so this was the first real punishment i've doled out in that sense, and he took it badly. he sometimes treats me like i'm the enemy, and he rarely tells me about his life since that. am i the asshole for doing that? that isn't that extreme of a punishment right? [/INST] yta actions have consequences. you drove that wedge in your relationship yourself. you should have talked to him and educated him on what he was already doing. because, i would bet my house he still smokes and drinks. </s>
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WIBTA if I stopped sharing anything about my pregnancy to SO?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ran6mp/wibta_if_i_stopped_sharing_anything_about_my/
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2021-12-07 01:26:17
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nta. why are you staying in an abusive relationship?
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nta.
please uncouple yourself from this person.
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absolutely nta. was he like this before? abuse often starts or worsens during pregnancy. he should be supporting you right now and instead he’s belittling you, insulting you, and making everything about himself. if i were in your shoes i would be reconsidering whether i want him in my child’s life at all…
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nta - why would you stay with someone like that? he sounds like a toxic child.
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nta. he is more of a baby than your unborn child. he calls you greedy for eating??? wtf. don't share anything else with r, especially the new phone number you should get.
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this is abuse. i would be very concerned if i were you.
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nta. sheesh. sorry about your luck. my only regret in life is staying with my bayside ex and not leaving right after my youngest was borne. it. does. not. get. better…… it gets worse. leave babe, leave.
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info: wtf is going on here? so much is unclear. what is he jealous of? the fact that he’s not pregnant? the fact that he’s not at ultrasounds?
besides that he sounds toxic af. get out of this relationship.
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info: i was a little unclear what exactly is he jealous of? is it that you 'get' to be pregnant? is it something else?
not that it really matters as no matter how you spin it he's being an ah
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nta
but if you want a healthy relationship with your so, there is a lot of talking the two of you need to do. i honestly don't see how this relationship survives if you don't both commit to couples counseling.
just what you need, an additional time sink, right? and yet is you want your so to remain your so, it's a must. there is a lot that he is doing that is very unhealthy to you. if he doesn't learn to be a mature adult, i don't see how this continues. unfortunately, cutting him out may make your life more peaceful, but it is essentially admitting that he can not be a part of your life.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.02053 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta. why are you staying in an abusive relationship? </s>
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WIBTA if I don’t tell my best friend about her baby’s first steps?
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using a side account for this because she knows my main reddit, but not this one.
so, as the title suggests, i’m babysitting my friend’s son - we’ll call him phil - he’s 11 months old, been looking like he’s going to try and walk for about a week now. my friend - we’ll call her lil - has been very excited about this.
as fate would have it, it happened when i was looking after him. phil made a few little unaided wobbly steps, and my heart burst. then it immediately filled with guilt, when i realised this is the first time he’s ever done it. i didn’t film it, my hands were full - i was preparing his food and he was playing on his little mat.
now, the real reason for my guilt is because lil is a young single mother who has sacrificed so much to raise phil to the best of her abilities. he is her world, she’s his, their bond is strong and beautiful, and honestly? i feel as though his first steps would be something sacred she’d like to experience, not his auntie angelica.
she’s due back in a couple of hours. i’m sat here typing this out whilst that sly little bastard is giving me side-eye and beaming from his cot. he knows what he’s done, and he’s loving it. he can’t exactly tell her, can he?
so, reddit, wibta if i didn’t tell her, and let her experience what are technically his second steps as if they were his first to make her happy?
| 773 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cn6i8e/wibta_if_i_dont_tell_my_best_friend_about_her/
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2019-08-07 14:29:24
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nta. lie.
the truth gains nothing. honestly first steps that she will see are whats important. so she has a nice surprise coming to her.
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nta. been a nanny for a long time now, you always save the firsts for the parents.
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nah, i think this would be a fine white lie. it'll make her really happy! just hope she doesn't find this lol
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nta. people watching my kids have always let me have those "firsts" even if they aren't actually the first (that part usually comes out much later), and it has always meant the world to me to feel like i was there for those big moments.
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nah don't tell her. first real steps are for the mum. lets call what he did today ehmm practice steps. ;-)
let her enjoy it when it happens again.
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you seem like a geniunely good friend. this is so innocent i don't see why you wbta if you didn't tell her.
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nta (phil is the a) /s
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nta. i also was a single mom when my daughter was very little and had to work full time. her caregiver never said anything about firsts. once i asked her about it and she said, "luv, the first time your baby does something in front of you, it is the first time." so, i very probably missed the first time she walked or talked or any number of things, but i never knew it.
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nah
you should, however, tell her you think he's really close like he was standing like it he was going to do it and be with her to encourage him to do it again and record it.
anecdote: i extended my maternity leave because my girls were preemie and hadn't walked by 12m (and didn't until 15m) and i had an innate fear this would happen while i was at work with the nanny.
as it is, when my girls "firsts" aren't with me it's heartbreaking. i still haven't gotten a real i love you from them and i heard the nanny trying to get them to say it to her and i became a green monster. i'd rather not know if it does happen.
edited to: rearrange my written thoughts.
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nta
there's no harm in letting her think his 4th step is his first. consider it a kindness to let her have that "first step" experience.
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| 0.006547 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: using a side account for this because she knows my main reddit, but not this one. so, as the title suggests, i’m babysitting my friend’s son - we’ll call him phil - he’s 11 months old, been looking like he’s going to try and walk for about a week now. my friend - we’ll call her lil - has been very excited about this. as fate would have it, it happened when i was looking after him. phil made a few little unaided wobbly steps, and my heart burst. then it immediately filled with guilt, when i realised this is the first time he’s ever done it. i didn’t film it, my hands were full - i was preparing his food and he was playing on his little mat. now, the real reason for my guilt is because lil is a young single mother who has sacrificed so much to raise phil to the best of her abilities. he is her world, she’s his, their bond is strong and beautiful, and honestly? i feel as though his first steps would be something sacred she’d like to experience, not his auntie angelica. she’s due back in a couple of hours. i’m sat here typing this out whilst that sly little bastard is giving me side-eye and beaming from his cot. he knows what he’s done, and he’s loving it. he can’t exactly tell her, can he? so, reddit, wibta if i didn’t tell her, and let her experience what are technically his second steps as if they were his first to make her happy?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
using a side account for this because she knows my main reddit, but not this one. so, as the title suggests, i’m babysitting my friend’s son - we’ll call him phil - he’s 11 months old, been looking like he’s going to try and walk for about a week now. my friend - we’ll call her lil - has been very excited about this. as fate would have it, it happened when i was looking after him. phil made a few little unaided wobbly steps, and my heart burst. then it immediately filled with guilt, when i realised this is the first time he’s ever done it. i didn’t film it, my hands were full - i was preparing his food and he was playing on his little mat. now, the real reason for my guilt is because lil is a young single mother who has sacrificed so much to raise phil to the best of her abilities. he is her world, she’s his, their bond is strong and beautiful, and honestly? i feel as though his first steps would be something sacred she’d like to experience, not his auntie angelica. she’s due back in a couple of hours. i’m sat here typing this out whilst that sly little bastard is giving me side-eye and beaming from his cot. he knows what he’s done, and he’s loving it. he can’t exactly tell her, can he? so, reddit, wibta if i didn’t tell her, and let her experience what are technically his second steps as if they were his first to make her happy? [/INST] nta. lie. the truth gains nothing. honestly first steps that she will see are whats important. so she has a nice surprise coming to her. </s>
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AITA for telling my son to drop his fake Yorkshire accent?
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i know how this sounds but please hear me out. my wife (38f) and i (42m) have been living in a town in hampshire for fifteen years and our 8 year old son was born there. he went to a nice school and had good friends but my wife was offered a new job in the north. we moved home and schools and we are now living in a village in yorkshire. it’s nice enough but run down in parts, apparently it used to be a mining village. the people are friendly but over familiar.
my son came home from school a few weeks ago with a broad yorkshire accent and seemed to be pronouncing his words incorrectly. for example, he would say “reyt” rather than “right” and he dropped the ‘h’ from words that started with that letter. there were other typical yorkshire words and phrases too like “summat” and, even more annoying, “nar” when he meant “now”.
i told him to start speaking properly again but my wife said that he was probably trying to fit in at school. i explained to him that people would be his friend no matter how he spoke and he seemed to fall back into his natural accent again for a few weeks until it started all over again. his yorkshire accent seems quite forced anyway so i told him to drop it and he was quiet for the rest of the night. it’s for his own good really because people aren’t taken seriously if they have accents like that, they sound coarse and it’s as if they lack intelligence in my opinion. they are nice enough people in yorkshire but the accent is grating.
my wife has accused me of being a snob but we’ve always been complimented on our son’s politeness and how well spoken he is before. aita?
| 756 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iqsh5j/aita_for_telling_my_son_to_drop_his_fake/
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2020-09-11 15:18:37
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yta. i know there's a lot of class tension around northern accents but projecting that onto your son will make that worse, not better. you are being a snob.
furthermore, he's eight years old, and he's surrounded by these accents all day, every day. it's only natural that he's going to pick it up. my internal voice was irish for a while after i binged derry girls, you're influenced by your surroundings.
honestly, rereading- 'the people are nice but overfamiliar' - this sounds like a troll's parody of southerners.
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yta. you’re wife is right. you’re a snob.
also, do you know how easy it is for young kids to pick up the accents? my family moved from one country to another and me and my siblings all picked up the new accent almost immediately.
when you’re the only one in the room that speaks differently, you find yourself trying to sound like everyone else.
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yta. don’t want to hear yorkshire accents? don’t move to fucking yorkshire. he’ll be perfectly capable of code switching when it might benefit him to do so, but you’re wildly off-base and a massive fucking snob if you think a regional accent will disadvantage him professionally in the vast majority of roles.
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yta. you are a snob, judging people as less intelligent or polite because of their accent. ridiculous.
also "people aren't taken seriously with accents like that"... how extremely rude and offensive. get off your high horse.
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yta, you uprooted him from all his friends and familiarity and you get upset when he tries to cope? you're a dogshit parent
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lack of intelligence?? wow!! i think it shows you have a 'lack of intelligence' for thinking all of us who come from mining villages are uneducated. from a broad yorkshire lass who is proper proud of her accent, who happens to have a phd, ya can fook off ya pillock!!!
yta ya bleedin ass'ole.
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yta and your wife is right, you are a snob. your kid is trying to fit in and will be picking up the accent anyway, people from yorkshire might sound like they lack intelligence to you but its better to be “nice enough” than an asshole like you are.
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yta. go to hell, you contemptible snob. why did you come here? we don’t need sneering home counties prigs who sniff that yorkshire people are “over familiar”. why don’t you go back to hampshire and take your vulgar standoffishness with you?
your son we’ll happily keep, he sounds like a sweet pea ❤️
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yta, he’s 8, of course he wants to speak the way the people around him do. your wife is right, you’re a snob. if you don’t want your son to have the local accent, move.
have you considered just telling him that people from different places speak with different accents and it’s fine to speak the way his friends do at school, but you’d like him to practice your accent at home?
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yta. also, idk if anyone else has mentioned this yet but your implication that having an accent isn’t “proper” is pretty gross too.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i know how this sounds but please hear me out. my wife (38f) and i (42m) have been living in a town in hampshire for fifteen years and our 8 year old son was born there. he went to a nice school and had good friends but my wife was offered a new job in the north. we moved home and schools and we are now living in a village in yorkshire. it’s nice enough but run down in parts, apparently it used to be a mining village. the people are friendly but over familiar. my son came home from school a few weeks ago with a broad yorkshire accent and seemed to be pronouncing his words incorrectly. for example, he would say “reyt” rather than “right” and he dropped the ‘h’ from words that started with that letter. there were other typical yorkshire words and phrases too like “summat” and, even more annoying, “nar” when he meant “now”. i told him to start speaking properly again but my wife said that he was probably trying to fit in at school. i explained to him that people would be his friend no matter how he spoke and he seemed to fall back into his natural accent again for a few weeks until it started all over again. his yorkshire accent seems quite forced anyway so i told him to drop it and he was quiet for the rest of the night. it’s for his own good really because people aren’t taken seriously if they have accents like that, they sound coarse and it’s as if they lack intelligence in my opinion. they are nice enough people in yorkshire but the accent is grating. my wife has accused me of being a snob but we’ve always been complimented on our son’s politeness and how well spoken he is before. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i know how this sounds but please hear me out. my wife (38f) and i (42m) have been living in a town in hampshire for fifteen years and our 8 year old son was born there. he went to a nice school and had good friends but my wife was offered a new job in the north. we moved home and schools and we are now living in a village in yorkshire. it’s nice enough but run down in parts, apparently it used to be a mining village. the people are friendly but over familiar. my son came home from school a few weeks ago with a broad yorkshire accent and seemed to be pronouncing his words incorrectly. for example, he would say “reyt” rather than “right” and he dropped the ‘h’ from words that started with that letter. there were other typical yorkshire words and phrases too like “summat” and, even more annoying, “nar” when he meant “now”. i told him to start speaking properly again but my wife said that he was probably trying to fit in at school. i explained to him that people would be his friend no matter how he spoke and he seemed to fall back into his natural accent again for a few weeks until it started all over again. his yorkshire accent seems quite forced anyway so i told him to drop it and he was quiet for the rest of the night. it’s for his own good really because people aren’t taken seriously if they have accents like that, they sound coarse and it’s as if they lack intelligence in my opinion. they are nice enough people in yorkshire but the accent is grating. my wife has accused me of being a snob but we’ve always been complimented on our son’s politeness and how well spoken he is before. aita? [/INST] yta. i know there's a lot of class tension around northern accents but projecting that onto your son will make that worse, not better. you are being a snob. furthermore, he's eight years old, and he's surrounded by these accents all day, every day. it's only natural that he's going to pick it up. my internal voice was irish for a while after i binged derry girls, you're influenced by your surroundings. honestly, rereading- 'the people are nice but overfamiliar' - this sounds like a troll's parody of southerners. </s>
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AITA for being upset with a mentally disabled person?
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i work at a grocery store and we have this mom and son who shop there regularly. the son is about 20 years old, and mentally disabled (he’s non-verbal i guess? he makes sounds, but it’s not discernible). his mom doesn’t make really any attempts at controlling his behavior; he gets very excited in the store and likes to run up to people, grab groceries off the belt, etc. she apologizes sometimes but that’s about it.
anyway, today he came running at me, arms up like he was asking for a hug. i was cornered at my register and tried saying “no no thank you” but he kept coming up to me and planted a kiss on my shoulder, full of chocolate-stained drool (which left a nasty spot on my uniform). i felt really uncomfortable about this, almost violated. i feel like i had no power to do anything to stop him.
to add to that, a few years ago, he lifted up his shirt and i saw his penis, which obviously was uncomfortable and unwanted.
so i guess what i’m asking is, am i the asshole for feeling upset/mad at him? i know he’s mentally challenged and maybe doesn’t understand what’s going on, but i also feel like i shouldn’t compromise my personal space/comfort because of that.
| 188 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bwu9ix/aita_for_being_upset_with_a_mentally_disabled/
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2019-06-04 21:21:45
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nta, but i think it's his mother you should be more mad at. he made you uncomfortable and crossed your boundaries, even if he didn't know better. it sounds like you know it's not his fault, though, and also sound like you blame his mother for not looking out for him more.
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nta a few years ago, i worked in a doctor's office that had a disabled family (both parents in wheelchairs, son mentally handicapped) come in on a weekly basis. the son developed a crush on me and would constantly try to kiss me. i made a game out of it where i would kiss the back of his hand instead, if he behaved. one day they came in and he was in a really bad mood. he legit chased me all over the office until he finally corned me and forced kisses on me. he was both much larger and much stronger than me and i couldn't fend him off. no one did anything to help me. his parents ignored it, and the doctor i worked for looked disgusted but said nothing. i felt violated. being pinned into a corner and forcefully kissed but someone who towers over you and outweighs you by a good 150 pounds is *terrifying*, period. i had been a good sport about it for months, but the doc acted like i was being ridiculous for getting upset, which made me so fucking angry. i left that job shortly after.
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nta.
his behavior is bizarre and you didn’t press charges or overreacted.
you held yourself better than i would because i wouldn’t know how i would’ve reacted after seeing a stranger’s penis or being bear hugged by him.
speak with your manager about the regular customer to find what’re your options because this customer is a regular
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nta- their disability is not a free pass to behave that way. you have every right to not be hugged, kissed on the shoulder, or be the son's face cloth. you especially have the right to not see his penis. feeling angry at being touched or seeing the penis is an appropriate response. you should be congratulated for going the extra mile and not calling the authorities over the flashing incident. you seem to be a caring person.
the mom is a little ta, because she can't seem to handle the son's needs effectively enough to bring him to the store. i'm inclined to be forgiving to the mom because i can't imagine the amount of effort it would require to care for her son.
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nta, people who are mentally disabled can still do things to make you upset. the mother should be watching him closer/keeping somewhat control on him if he’s bothering others.
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nta. this is 100% on the mother.
&#x200b;
i've worked in special ed and can tell you that special ed kids are like any other kids: they test boundaries to see what they can get away with. unfortunately, a number of parents who have kids with disabilities just say 'oh he doesn't know any better, because he has a condition,' without realizing that *it is their responsibility to teach the kid better*. there are plenty of things that people born with certain disabilities can't do, but there's plenty that they can do; trouble like this arises when a parent assumes from day 1 that such a child can't be held to any standard.
&#x200b;
you are justifiably upset because he should not be acting that way in the grocery store. however, your anger shouldn't be directed towards him because it sounds like he genuinely wouldn't know any better. there's no way he could if his mother has always let him get away with anything.
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nta - your manager should be dealing with this type of issue. just because a person has a disability doesn't mean they get to touch you.
as for the flashing, well.... it's uncomfortable, but also a case of developmental disability roulette. while it was awkward, unwanted, and unwarranted it really didn't hurt you.
a simple conversation with your store manager about how you want to make it clear that the next time you are touched unwanted by a customer, regardless of their disability, you will call the police. your manager will undoubtedly tell you that everything will be fine they will get right on this, apologize and tell you that you won't have to deal with it anymore, because they don't want to be sued (this btw is a hr/legal department nightmare scenario).
sadly, there is a greater than 50% chance that this will happen again, so you will have to hold firm to your need to file a police report. your manager will begrudgingly do this because it covers the company from the liability of a hostile workplace complaint (by you) and more than likely the company will ask the customer not to come back at this point (although it should have been back at the flashing episode).
just remember, in the immortal words of eric cartman, "it's my hot body and i can do what i want". in this case it is not being touched by someone you've told to no.
p.s. while i feel for the mom, this is a really terrible way to handle your developmentally disabled son.
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no, op.
this is as serious problem. mental disability isn't actually an excuse for tolerating sexual abuse.
the mom is a huge asshole who doesn't care about her son or the people around her.
i would talk to your boss about this - and then mom.
this is not acceptable.
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i work at a grocery store and we have this mom and son who shop there regularly. the son is about 20 years old, and mentally disabled (he’s non-verbal i guess? he makes sounds, but it’s not discernible). his mom doesn’t make really any attempts at controlling his behavior; he gets very excited in the store and likes to run up to people, grab groceries off the belt, etc. she apologizes sometimes but that’s about it. anyway, today he came running at me, arms up like he was asking for a hug. i was cornered at my register and tried saying “no no thank you” but he kept coming up to me and planted a kiss on my shoulder, full of chocolate-stained drool (which left a nasty spot on my uniform). i felt really uncomfortable about this, almost violated. i feel like i had no power to do anything to stop him. to add to that, a few years ago, he lifted up his shirt and i saw his penis, which obviously was uncomfortable and unwanted. so i guess what i’m asking is, am i the asshole for feeling upset/mad at him? i know he’s mentally challenged and maybe doesn’t understand what’s going on, but i also feel like i shouldn’t compromise my personal space/comfort because of that.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i work at a grocery store and we have this mom and son who shop there regularly. the son is about 20 years old, and mentally disabled (he’s non-verbal i guess? he makes sounds, but it’s not discernible). his mom doesn’t make really any attempts at controlling his behavior; he gets very excited in the store and likes to run up to people, grab groceries off the belt, etc. she apologizes sometimes but that’s about it. anyway, today he came running at me, arms up like he was asking for a hug. i was cornered at my register and tried saying “no no thank you” but he kept coming up to me and planted a kiss on my shoulder, full of chocolate-stained drool (which left a nasty spot on my uniform). i felt really uncomfortable about this, almost violated. i feel like i had no power to do anything to stop him. to add to that, a few years ago, he lifted up his shirt and i saw his penis, which obviously was uncomfortable and unwanted. so i guess what i’m asking is, am i the asshole for feeling upset/mad at him? i know he’s mentally challenged and maybe doesn’t understand what’s going on, but i also feel like i shouldn’t compromise my personal space/comfort because of that. [/INST] nta, but i think it's his mother you should be more mad at. he made you uncomfortable and crossed your boundaries, even if he didn't know better. it sounds like you know it's not his fault, though, and also sound like you blame his mother for not looking out for him more. </s>
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AITA for helping my little sister with her first period because I thought my mom wouldn't do a good job?
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so i(15f) started my period 2 years ago. when it happened my mom said very little about it and gave me a box of tampons which i still have never opened. i had to get pads from my guidance counselor the next day because i was too embarrassed to ask my mom about it.
&#x200b;
i've since learned a lot about how bad america's public schools are with puberty and sex edu stuff, i had to learn about a lot through the internet and even convinced my friend that her cramps making her cry meant something really bad could be happening and she needed to tell her parents and she ended up having ovarian cysts.
&#x200b;
because of all that i went to my now-12 sister "may" a while ago and explained everything about menstruating so she would know. i even gave her some pads to keep in a pencil case in her bacjkpack because she was worried about it happening at school.
&#x200b;
recently she told me it happened after she got back from a sleepover at her friends. she had her backpack because they went straight from school and she was almost proud she was ready lol. and it did make me feel like a good big sister to have helped her.
&#x200b;
when i asked my mom the next day to buy more pads when she was at the store since we'd be going through them faster because may was using them now she looked totally in shock. she asked me how i knew and i told her i gave her stuff and told her a long time ago how it would happen so that's probably why she told me. i kinda thought she'd be happy i'd dealt with it.
&#x200b;
she said the first time you get your period marked an important point in a girl's life and it's important for it to be a bonding moment for her and a mother. i kind of laughed and joked that at least with me helping may actually learned what menstruation was. my mom made a face and said that i've never been very "girly", so i wouldn't understand and it's just different with may. i am a tomboy and i think it disappoints my mom a lot as i turn her down for things like getting our nails done or am distsinterested in talking about stuff like dresses but my mom also said i shouldn't have said anything and i wouldn't understand because im not a mother, i shouldn't act like may's mother and it hurt her to have this taken from her.
&#x200b;
my mom missed my point that this would have never happened if i wasn't worried about may not knowing what to do. but maybe she would have done a better job since it wouldn't be awkward to talk about with someone girlier. if not knowing the second your kid starts their period is a big deal i just don't get and you guys think i'm ta i'll apologize.
| 940 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uapn6i/aita_for_helping_my_little_sister_with_her_first/
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2022-04-24 07:49:31
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nta. i am just super disturbed by how your mom is taking it so personally… your sister will have her period every month for the rest of her life; that is enough awkward “bonding” moments for your mom.
you did the right thing helping your sister. no clue how that makes you any less “girly”. your mom is very odd.
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nta. a period has absolutely nothing to do with being “girly” or not, it’s a bodily function that you need to be prepared to handle. you didn’t do anything to stop your mom from preparing may; your mom chose not to, and if you hadn’t stepped in, may would have been caught totally off guard at that sleepover. your mom made your first period something to be ashamed of; you made may’s feel normal and natural to her.
plus, if your mom loves to share this “moment” so much, then why blow you off when it happened to you? sounds like she just has a favorite.
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nta - if your mum wanted to make it special she’s had plenty of opportunity to talk to your sister and prepare her for this time. instead she said nothing leaving your sister the potential to be traumatised and embarrassed when she started bleeding at a friends house. what a horrible bonding moment that would have been.
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nta, your mom gave you tampons as a 15 year old, she knows very little about periods and you're a good big sis op.
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so your mom biffed it when dealing with your first period, but was somehow going to pull a "moon party" out of her a** for your sister?
i call bullsh*t.
does your mom often play the victim when her questionable actions come to light?
nta
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…your mom skipped an in-depth period-talk with you cause she doesn’t think you’re girly enough? what does levels of girly to tomboy have anything to do with periods?!
nothing.
your mother chose to neglect you for silly reasons. so obviously you didn’t want the same to happen to your sister, so you took care of it like any other sane person would after what your mother did. nta.
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nta. you did the right thing for your sister and your mom honestly would have done a worse job than you.
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nta. your mother didn't handle it well with you and you had to figure out the stuff yourself. you wanted to make it better for your sister. first period isn't just for girly girls. being a tomboy makes no difference. you sister is lucky to have you. your mother let you down so if she's unhappy she only has herself to blame.
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nta. your mom totally wasn’t there for you when you had your period, didn’t treat it like a special bonding moment—essentially, by not caring, she taught you that it was unimportant.
also, was your mom planning to explain menstruation to her after she had her period? from one girl to another, you did the right thing by having her hang on to those pads and teaching her how to use them. you totally saved her from embarrassing herself in front of her friends, and also probably saved whatever pants she was wearing. the fact your mom didn’t talk to her about periods beforehand shows you’re a lot more competent when it comes to this issue.
i get that she feels like something was taken from her, but at the end of the day this is your sisters moment, not hers, and your sisters wellbeing is whats most important. major red flag that your mom made your sisters first period all about herself …
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your sister is 12. your mother, who insists she wanted to discuss this with your sister, has waited an awfully long time to do so. if you hadn’t told your sister, she would have had an accident and been unprepared.
nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i(15f) started my period 2 years ago. when it happened my mom said very little about it and gave me a box of tampons which i still have never opened. i had to get pads from my guidance counselor the next day because i was too embarrassed to ask my mom about it. &#x200b; i've since learned a lot about how bad america's public schools are with puberty and sex edu stuff, i had to learn about a lot through the internet and even convinced my friend that her cramps making her cry meant something really bad could be happening and she needed to tell her parents and she ended up having ovarian cysts. &#x200b; because of all that i went to my now-12 sister "may" a while ago and explained everything about menstruating so she would know. i even gave her some pads to keep in a pencil case in her bacjkpack because she was worried about it happening at school. &#x200b; recently she told me it happened after she got back from a sleepover at her friends. she had her backpack because they went straight from school and she was almost proud she was ready lol. and it did make me feel like a good big sister to have helped her. &#x200b; when i asked my mom the next day to buy more pads when she was at the store since we'd be going through them faster because may was using them now she looked totally in shock. she asked me how i knew and i told her i gave her stuff and told her a long time ago how it would happen so that's probably why she told me. i kinda thought she'd be happy i'd dealt with it. &#x200b; she said the first time you get your period marked an important point in a girl's life and it's important for it to be a bonding moment for her and a mother. i kind of laughed and joked that at least with me helping may actually learned what menstruation was. my mom made a face and said that i've never been very "girly", so i wouldn't understand and it's just different with may. i am a tomboy and i think it disappoints my mom a lot as i turn her down for things like getting our nails done or am distsinterested in talking about stuff like dresses but my mom also said i shouldn't have said anything and i wouldn't understand because im not a mother, i shouldn't act like may's mother and it hurt her to have this taken from her. &#x200b; my mom missed my point that this would have never happened if i wasn't worried about may not knowing what to do. but maybe she would have done a better job since it wouldn't be awkward to talk about with someone girlier. if not knowing the second your kid starts their period is a big deal i just don't get and you guys think i'm ta i'll apologize.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i(15f) started my period 2 years ago. when it happened my mom said very little about it and gave me a box of tampons which i still have never opened. i had to get pads from my guidance counselor the next day because i was too embarrassed to ask my mom about it. &#x200b; i've since learned a lot about how bad america's public schools are with puberty and sex edu stuff, i had to learn about a lot through the internet and even convinced my friend that her cramps making her cry meant something really bad could be happening and she needed to tell her parents and she ended up having ovarian cysts. &#x200b; because of all that i went to my now-12 sister "may" a while ago and explained everything about menstruating so she would know. i even gave her some pads to keep in a pencil case in her bacjkpack because she was worried about it happening at school. &#x200b; recently she told me it happened after she got back from a sleepover at her friends. she had her backpack because they went straight from school and she was almost proud she was ready lol. and it did make me feel like a good big sister to have helped her. &#x200b; when i asked my mom the next day to buy more pads when she was at the store since we'd be going through them faster because may was using them now she looked totally in shock. she asked me how i knew and i told her i gave her stuff and told her a long time ago how it would happen so that's probably why she told me. i kinda thought she'd be happy i'd dealt with it. &#x200b; she said the first time you get your period marked an important point in a girl's life and it's important for it to be a bonding moment for her and a mother. i kind of laughed and joked that at least with me helping may actually learned what menstruation was. my mom made a face and said that i've never been very "girly", so i wouldn't understand and it's just different with may. i am a tomboy and i think it disappoints my mom a lot as i turn her down for things like getting our nails done or am distsinterested in talking about stuff like dresses but my mom also said i shouldn't have said anything and i wouldn't understand because im not a mother, i shouldn't act like may's mother and it hurt her to have this taken from her. &#x200b; my mom missed my point that this would have never happened if i wasn't worried about may not knowing what to do. but maybe she would have done a better job since it wouldn't be awkward to talk about with someone girlier. if not knowing the second your kid starts their period is a big deal i just don't get and you guys think i'm ta i'll apologize. [/INST] nta. i am just super disturbed by how your mom is taking it so personally… your sister will have her period every month for the rest of her life; that is enough awkward “bonding” moments for your mom. you did the right thing helping your sister. no clue how that makes you any less “girly”. your mom is very odd. </s>
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AITA, I had my MIL trespassed after she entered my home and fired my babysitter.
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i am a widower. i lost my wife (anne 34) just minutes after she gave birth to our first baby (sammy). she had a difficult pregnancy so i took an indefinite leave 3 months before she was due. sammy's 4 months old now and before i went back to work, i told my mil (sandra 56) about my plans and if she can recommend a nanny to take care of my daughter when i work. she offered to do it (nanny) for free. i told her she's free to come by anytime during the day if she feels uncomfortable with a nanny looking after sammy but she insisted on doing it herself. so i said yes and gave her a copy of the house keys. she comes 30 mins. before i leave for work, and when i come home, she stays for dinner and leaves after putting sammy to sleep.
everything was fine for the first couple of weeks until i noticed that sammy's not feeding as much. her formula's barely touched. i asked sandra about it and why sammy's not feeding well. she said she's trying to breastfeed my daughter. at first i thought she was joking then i realized she wasn't. she said sammy needs to latch for a few minutes everyday to "activate" her milk production. i almost lost it, i told her she cannot do that, and she needs to stop. she said she will but i caught her again when i walked in my daughter's room and she was forcing sammy to latch. i confronted her and told her she's no longer my baby's nanny. i didn't ask for the key back as she is still welcome to come visit anytime.
i asked for a 1 week leave from work to care for my daughter and find a nanny. i found one but two days after she never returned. i called her and she said my "mother" fired her the day before. i asked her to describe the woman and i was livid when i realized it was sandra. she came in my house using her key and fired my nanny. i was about to call her when she showed up and said a convoluted story like how i hired an incompetent nanny, etc. etc. i told her to leave but she refused and told me she's calling cps because i am endangering my child. we argued back and forth before i called the police and she was charged with trespassing.
i know my mil is grieving the loss of her daughter, i am too. but she crossed the line when she disregarded my wishes. she is very upset with me. my sil and bil are calling me ruthless and i am now second guessing myself. have i taken it too far by calling the police? aita?
| 12,088 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uc0t2z/aita_i_had_my_mil_trespassed_after_she_entered_my/
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2022-04-26 01:18:36
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nta. her trying to breastfeed your daughter without your permission is gross and completely wrong. beyond that she fired your nanny? i’d ask for your key back and set some serious boundaries.
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nta
babies need to be fed.
what you're mil did isn't a small thing. babies need to be fed. if you don't feed a baby, it will die.
this comes firmly under "danger to yourself or others." your mil is an active danger to your daughter.
maybe call the mental health or crisis services program in your area, and find out what can be done. mil may be having some type of mental health breakdown. if that is the case, there needs to be intervention, involuntary if necessary, but the police and legal system may be less appropriate than the mental health system.
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get a restraining order on this woman.
move.
change the locks
grief doesn't mean any of this.
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oh.... my.... god... nta. keep that crazy person away from your child, who cares f it's their grandparent. not only was that so disgusting but she was also starving your child.
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nta. your mil is not right in the head. a woman can not just spontaneously produce milk if she hasn't been pregnant. she would have to have been on some pretty strong hormones for several months in addition to multiple times a day pumping in-order to even start production.
she needs to stay away from your child until she has gotten some grief counseling and started to get a grip on her loss.
change your locks and go limited contact to protect your child.
my heart goes out to you for your loss. good luck op
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dude yta in two different ways. first, for not going nc with mother in law for trying to breastfeed her granddaughter! ick, that made my skin crawl just reading that!!! and then if that wasn't cringey enough, you allowed her to keep a house key?! that mistake is completely on you, the breastfeeding was an absolute barring of access to her grandchild, you can't trust her with your daughter after that, full stop. get a lawyer (you'll need one) and replace all locks on your house, along with cameras to cover 360 degrees around the outside if your house. sorry for your loss. best wishes and good luck.
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holy cow. wow. nta obviously, but wow. this woman was trying to nurse your daughter, and then not feeding her when she is not producing milk? that is absolutely bizarre and harmful to the baby. then she fired your nanny? then threatened cps? she is unstable and should not be left alone with your child.
i’m so sorry for your loss, and i hope you can convince bil and sil to get this woman the help she needs. but protect your daughter from her. good luck and all best
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nta
grieving for the loss of anne is understandable, and is going to take time. but your mil was not hired to be your baby’s wet nurse. i think you were incredibly understanding and kind by not taking back her key after everything that happened and allowing her to continue to come over whenever she wanted.
her firing your nanny and then threatening to call cps on you because she is forcing her breast into the mouth of a child that is not hers, and not feeding him enough to try to endure her body to produce milk. that sounds like several felonies to me. they made a movie about a crazy woman doing this kind of stuff “the hand that rocks the cradle”.
you did not go too far. the rest of your in-laws most likely do not know the whole story. she should not be allowed near your house without you there.
protect yourself and your baby.
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nta!! wow! please tell your bil and sil what she did, specifically trying to breastfeed your child. that is beyond inappropriate
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nta. mil's grief is going in a dangerous direction. you needed to take drastic action, and mil should not have access to your daughter until she has been in therapy for some time. also, change your locks.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am a widower. i lost my wife (anne 34) just minutes after she gave birth to our first baby (sammy). she had a difficult pregnancy so i took an indefinite leave 3 months before she was due. sammy's 4 months old now and before i went back to work, i told my mil (sandra 56) about my plans and if she can recommend a nanny to take care of my daughter when i work. she offered to do it (nanny) for free. i told her she's free to come by anytime during the day if she feels uncomfortable with a nanny looking after sammy but she insisted on doing it herself. so i said yes and gave her a copy of the house keys. she comes 30 mins. before i leave for work, and when i come home, she stays for dinner and leaves after putting sammy to sleep. everything was fine for the first couple of weeks until i noticed that sammy's not feeding as much. her formula's barely touched. i asked sandra about it and why sammy's not feeding well. she said she's trying to breastfeed my daughter. at first i thought she was joking then i realized she wasn't. she said sammy needs to latch for a few minutes everyday to "activate" her milk production. i almost lost it, i told her she cannot do that, and she needs to stop. she said she will but i caught her again when i walked in my daughter's room and she was forcing sammy to latch. i confronted her and told her she's no longer my baby's nanny. i didn't ask for the key back as she is still welcome to come visit anytime. i asked for a 1 week leave from work to care for my daughter and find a nanny. i found one but two days after she never returned. i called her and she said my "mother" fired her the day before. i asked her to describe the woman and i was livid when i realized it was sandra. she came in my house using her key and fired my nanny. i was about to call her when she showed up and said a convoluted story like how i hired an incompetent nanny, etc. etc. i told her to leave but she refused and told me she's calling cps because i am endangering my child. we argued back and forth before i called the police and she was charged with trespassing. i know my mil is grieving the loss of her daughter, i am too. but she crossed the line when she disregarded my wishes. she is very upset with me. my sil and bil are calling me ruthless and i am now second guessing myself. have i taken it too far by calling the police? aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am a widower. i lost my wife (anne 34) just minutes after she gave birth to our first baby (sammy). she had a difficult pregnancy so i took an indefinite leave 3 months before she was due. sammy's 4 months old now and before i went back to work, i told my mil (sandra 56) about my plans and if she can recommend a nanny to take care of my daughter when i work. she offered to do it (nanny) for free. i told her she's free to come by anytime during the day if she feels uncomfortable with a nanny looking after sammy but she insisted on doing it herself. so i said yes and gave her a copy of the house keys. she comes 30 mins. before i leave for work, and when i come home, she stays for dinner and leaves after putting sammy to sleep. everything was fine for the first couple of weeks until i noticed that sammy's not feeding as much. her formula's barely touched. i asked sandra about it and why sammy's not feeding well. she said she's trying to breastfeed my daughter. at first i thought she was joking then i realized she wasn't. she said sammy needs to latch for a few minutes everyday to "activate" her milk production. i almost lost it, i told her she cannot do that, and she needs to stop. she said she will but i caught her again when i walked in my daughter's room and she was forcing sammy to latch. i confronted her and told her she's no longer my baby's nanny. i didn't ask for the key back as she is still welcome to come visit anytime. i asked for a 1 week leave from work to care for my daughter and find a nanny. i found one but two days after she never returned. i called her and she said my "mother" fired her the day before. i asked her to describe the woman and i was livid when i realized it was sandra. she came in my house using her key and fired my nanny. i was about to call her when she showed up and said a convoluted story like how i hired an incompetent nanny, etc. etc. i told her to leave but she refused and told me she's calling cps because i am endangering my child. we argued back and forth before i called the police and she was charged with trespassing. i know my mil is grieving the loss of her daughter, i am too. but she crossed the line when she disregarded my wishes. she is very upset with me. my sil and bil are calling me ruthless and i am now second guessing myself. have i taken it too far by calling the police? aita? [/INST] nta. her trying to breastfeed your daughter without your permission is gross and completely wrong. beyond that she fired your nanny? i’d ask for your key back and set some serious boundaries. </s>
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AITA For Keeping A Gifted Car My Mom Wanted
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so my (19f) dad (39m) gifted me my uncle's used car as an early birthday present 2 months ago.
my parents are split and i live with my mom (39f).
so 3 months ago she came into some money and wanted to buy a better car. my dad said to call my uncle because he was selling his car.
she didn't, but got info through dad and decided it was too expensive.
i asked her to reconsider periodically, but she stuck with her decision.
visiting my dad one day, he surprised me and handed me the car's keys, and said "its yours," with two rules: never let anyone else drive it and never ask for anything again. then, sent me home.
i assumed my mom knew as he never did anything without her permission before. but i was so very wrong.
i pulled up just as my mom got home and her jaw dropped. she asked me wtf was this. i explained and she was so angry and said to stop smiling and get out of her sight.
she later told me to stop throwing it in her face by smiling and yelled at me on how i could accept the car when i knew she wanted to buy it. she screamed at how i didn't question about her when my dad handed it to me.
i apologized for everything several times over.
she became petty and tensions were high. at one point she said something about me and i broke. i got up, left, and drove around. i started crying and called my dad right then and there and begged him to take the car back. he was confused, so i explained everything and how it wasn't worth losing my relationship with my mom. he hung up on me.
he spoke with mom, called back, and said to give it a couple more days. so i did. and i made a mistake.
my mom insisted we use my car everywhere ("hers isn't safe")and that she drive ("carsick" otherwise). i uncomfortably agreed, desperate to get back on my mom's good side. at some point she was not so jokingly talking about taking it to work and started driving without me. i'd have to hide my keys to convince her not to.
she laughs when i tell her that it's my car and i ask not to use it unless it's an emergency. she says i'm too spoiled and that she'll do what she wants.
i want to sell it now. i just really need to know, was ita by keeping the car? was it truly inconsiderate of me? because i sure do feel guilty.
edit 1: my dad is no saint. i don't like him. he tends to buy my love e.g. car.
edit 2: not welcomed at my dad's and only talk to him once a year usually
| 2,698 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/igbr5s/aita_for_keeping_a_gifted_car_my_mom_wanted/
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2020-08-25 13:03:16
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nta.
it's a gift from your dad and your mom was an asshole.
you shouldn't have let her drive, because you promised your dad you wouldn't.
your mom is being abusive toward you op. open your eyes.
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nta. your mom is taking advantage of your guilt. talk to your dad; he can help you discuss how to set boundaries and reassert your ownership.
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nta. your mum is petty. if it’s possible i’d try live somewhere else
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nta. what the heck is wrong with your petty ass mom? she was too cheap to buy the car from someone and too broke to buy it off the lot. so then she takes advantage of you for being lucky enough to receive it. you shouldn’t have to hide your keys to your own car. hope you get out of that situation and keep the car for many years to come.
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i have a bit of a different opinion on this one. both parents are the ah here. your mom for taking advantage of you and your car. and your dad for buying you the car the knew your mom wanted when he likely knew this would set her off and cause a rift. it puts you in an impossible position too, because if you sell it, you come off as ungrateful. sorry that you're as stuck in this situation.
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nta
do not let her drive it anywhere ever again.
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omg, you were nta. your mom is a terror and is acting like spoiled child having a tantrum. is there any way you can go live with your dad? you need to get out of there. and there comes a time when you have to stop letting her steamroll you and stand up to her over keeping the peace. if you have no other option but to keep living with her, tell her it is not her car, she will not be driving it to work and she is not allowed to take it, period. hide the keys, too.
walk away if she starts having a tantrum and let her wear herself out like you would do with any riled up child, but do not give in on this. she passed on buying the car, she had no intention to do so and there are unlimited cars out there she could buy if she had intended on actually getting one.
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nta op. you tried to get your mom to but it several times according to your post. it’s yours. not hers. she’s acting petty and you need to put your foot down and tell her that it’s not hers, and that she is not allowed to drive it whatsoever
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nta. you are an adult and (presuming the car is actually registered in your name) its your car.
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nta and the problem here isn’t just your mom but most definitely also your dad, who is using you as a pawn in some sick game with your mom. they’re both playing you.
the only way to not keep being used this way is to not play. you can keep the car, but tell your mother that since it’s yours, you won’t allow her to drive it and that if she does, you’ll call the police to report it stolen. if you’re going to use this option, i hope that you can afford the full insurance yourself. you also better be prepared to move out because the way your mom is going, she’s probably going to kick you out.
you can sell the car and either save the money in a secret account so you can save to move out. but be prepared for your mother to try to claim the money somehow or start charging you rent. again, be ready to move out.
you can give the car back to your dad and tell him this gift put you in a shitty situation, and you have no options to move out right now, which is what this is escalating into. tell him thanks but. i thanks, as this gift is more about him sticking it to your mom than it is about your needs and wants. you should also tell him you definitely don’t ever ask him for a crumb ever again because what kind of father says to their child they never want to be asked for anything?
no matter which road you take, i suggest that road lead firmly away from these two dysfunctional and abusive jerks.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my (19f) dad (39m) gifted me my uncle's used car as an early birthday present 2 months ago. my parents are split and i live with my mom (39f). so 3 months ago she came into some money and wanted to buy a better car. my dad said to call my uncle because he was selling his car. she didn't, but got info through dad and decided it was too expensive. i asked her to reconsider periodically, but she stuck with her decision. visiting my dad one day, he surprised me and handed me the car's keys, and said "its yours," with two rules: never let anyone else drive it and never ask for anything again. then, sent me home. i assumed my mom knew as he never did anything without her permission before. but i was so very wrong. i pulled up just as my mom got home and her jaw dropped. she asked me wtf was this. i explained and she was so angry and said to stop smiling and get out of her sight. she later told me to stop throwing it in her face by smiling and yelled at me on how i could accept the car when i knew she wanted to buy it. she screamed at how i didn't question about her when my dad handed it to me. i apologized for everything several times over. she became petty and tensions were high. at one point she said something about me and i broke. i got up, left, and drove around. i started crying and called my dad right then and there and begged him to take the car back. he was confused, so i explained everything and how it wasn't worth losing my relationship with my mom. he hung up on me. he spoke with mom, called back, and said to give it a couple more days. so i did. and i made a mistake. my mom insisted we use my car everywhere ("hers isn't safe")and that she drive ("carsick" otherwise). i uncomfortably agreed, desperate to get back on my mom's good side. at some point she was not so jokingly talking about taking it to work and started driving without me. i'd have to hide my keys to convince her not to. she laughs when i tell her that it's my car and i ask not to use it unless it's an emergency. she says i'm too spoiled and that she'll do what she wants. i want to sell it now. i just really need to know, was ita by keeping the car? was it truly inconsiderate of me? because i sure do feel guilty. edit 1: my dad is no saint. i don't like him. he tends to buy my love e.g. car. edit 2: not welcomed at my dad's and only talk to him once a year usually
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my (19f) dad (39m) gifted me my uncle's used car as an early birthday present 2 months ago. my parents are split and i live with my mom (39f). so 3 months ago she came into some money and wanted to buy a better car. my dad said to call my uncle because he was selling his car. she didn't, but got info through dad and decided it was too expensive. i asked her to reconsider periodically, but she stuck with her decision. visiting my dad one day, he surprised me and handed me the car's keys, and said "its yours," with two rules: never let anyone else drive it and never ask for anything again. then, sent me home. i assumed my mom knew as he never did anything without her permission before. but i was so very wrong. i pulled up just as my mom got home and her jaw dropped. she asked me wtf was this. i explained and she was so angry and said to stop smiling and get out of her sight. she later told me to stop throwing it in her face by smiling and yelled at me on how i could accept the car when i knew she wanted to buy it. she screamed at how i didn't question about her when my dad handed it to me. i apologized for everything several times over. she became petty and tensions were high. at one point she said something about me and i broke. i got up, left, and drove around. i started crying and called my dad right then and there and begged him to take the car back. he was confused, so i explained everything and how it wasn't worth losing my relationship with my mom. he hung up on me. he spoke with mom, called back, and said to give it a couple more days. so i did. and i made a mistake. my mom insisted we use my car everywhere ("hers isn't safe")and that she drive ("carsick" otherwise). i uncomfortably agreed, desperate to get back on my mom's good side. at some point she was not so jokingly talking about taking it to work and started driving without me. i'd have to hide my keys to convince her not to. she laughs when i tell her that it's my car and i ask not to use it unless it's an emergency. she says i'm too spoiled and that she'll do what she wants. i want to sell it now. i just really need to know, was ita by keeping the car? was it truly inconsiderate of me? because i sure do feel guilty. edit 1: my dad is no saint. i don't like him. he tends to buy my love e.g. car. edit 2: not welcomed at my dad's and only talk to him once a year usually [/INST] nta. it's a gift from your dad and your mom was an asshole. you shouldn't have let her drive, because you promised your dad you wouldn't. your mom is being abusive toward you op. open your eyes. </s>
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AITA for refusing to wear a bra around my step dad?
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i have been living with my mom(43f) temporarily since getting kicked out of my rental apartment (the owners are turning it into their office). i also pay rent against my mother's insistence to live rent free because it doesn't feel right. my mom shares the home with her husband(38m) of 5 years and their toddler.
my mom has some residual guilt about being a young mother and giving me an unstable childhood. she wants me to live like a family member.
now, i'm sure my mom means well, she wants to give me the family experience. but i'm grown. i'm 25. i'm over it. at the end of the day, after a long day at my very hectic job as an attorney, i just want to get rid of my work clothes and unwind in my room.
i've struggled with weight my entire life, and have struggled with being bustier than normal. getting rid of the extra weight and getting to normal bmi hasn't helped with downsizing my chest though, and i am self conscious about that. however wearing a bra all day is painful and i get rid of it once i'm home. i live in humid climatic conditions, so it's really unbearable for me.
the first night i came down to have dinner with the family i was braless, but i was wearing a very baggy oversized shirt. that next day my mom pulled me aside to chide me for not wearing a bra and said that i made her husband uncomfortable.
i stopped joining them for dinner. i have my dinner in my own room now and don't really interact with anyone outside of the bare minimum when i'm in my "home clothes"
my mom is now blaming me for neglecting the family and not coming to a compromise (wear a bra around them)
aita?
| 3,992 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/py10r1/aita_for_refusing_to_wear_a_bra_around_my_step_dad/
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2021-09-29 18:03:30
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nta
your 25 you can wear what you want. your step dad is uncomfortable because he can't help but look at your chest and sexualize you.
he's afraid someone is going to catch his eyes lingering so instead he wants you to wear a bra and be uncomfortable. instead of him, you know. not sexualizing you.
that said i'm sure you will get a lot of people here saying you suck and he sucks. they i'll say you suck because it's your mom's house and their rules not yours.
but check it out, it's your body no matter where you are or live. you are not wrong, he's a pervert.
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nta why the fuck is he looking at your chest
op, given that it sounds like you can afford to, its probably best in the long run for you to move out sooner rather than later
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nta - tell him to stop staring at your chest if it makes him uncomfortable.
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nta why is your stepdad staring at your tits? that’s what i would ask my mother. it’s seems like he needs to exercise some self control and stop being a perv. and you need to move out.
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nta. why is he staring at your breasts what the actual fuck. you’re his step daughter.
he shouldn’t be uncomfortable if he respects you… god forbid he sees the outline of your ankles he just might not be able to control himself
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if you’re an attorney, and getting paid like an attorney, just find a new place to live. i could also suggest a bralette or a cami top that has a (useless) bra for us bustier gals but i’m sure someone will downvote it. i personally find it uncomfortable to be completely braless when i’m not just in bed chillin because my boobs are so big and i prefer they’re a little more controlled. end of the day, when you move in with your parents, you deal with your parents bullshit as an adult. i don’t think you’re an ah but this does seem like mountain/molehill territory.
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nta.
if a grown man is uncomfortable with his grown step-daughter being braless, the problem is *him.* you’re both adults. he should not be looking at your braless chest long enough for it to make him “uncomfortable” in the first place.
the fact that your mom isn’t stopping to think, hm, *isn’t it a little odd that my husband is staring at my daughter’s chest?* is kinda wild to me.
you’re a grown woman. bras can be painful, especially when what’s inside them is bigger than normal. my mother and sister share your fate and bras make them so uncomfortable and cause them so much unnecessary back pain. if you want to be braless in the comfort of your own home, be braless. your step-father is out of line and your mom is wrong for defending him and not you.
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nah, you should be comfortable where you live, but it’s also not unreasonable for your mother to set a minimum standard of personal dress for family dinners.
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nta - either your mum is feeling insecure or you step dad is being a perv. at home you should be able to be comfortable and walk around in a comfortable way. you have compromised by not being around them so they need to realise that you are trying to respect their wishes while keeping yourself comfortable!
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i'm going against the grain here, but yta but at least a sympathetic asshole lol. as a busty woman myself, i'd never think to show up to dinner without a bra, regardless of who it is, cause it's kinda trashy not to. i mean, yeah, i get it, bras are uncomfortable and i also lived in a hot, humid, beach area so i know it can feel rough, but like come on, dinner is like what? 30 minutes, maybe an hour? throw on a sports bra, no one is asking for a deluxe push up bra, just some kinda of minimal effort at modesty. i know you said a baggy shirt, but if you're busty like i am, there's no way they're completely hidden, you can still see size, nipple, everything, all it does is camouflage the bottom of your boobs. why should everyone else be subjected to knowing what your tits look like while trying to enjoy dinner just because you're tired? i don't want to look at my own mother's nipples when i'm trying to eat, it's gross, she's my mom and i don't want any knowledge of my mother's naked bod even as a fellow woman, so why is it so bad that your step father's also doesn't want to know what you look like naked? having had a step father who tried to peek and eventually molested me, i'd say your blessed to have a step dad who *doesn't want* to see you naked. before anyone tries to suggest me being sexist against other women, i think it's equally as gross for men to come underdressed, like shirtless or in their boxers. it's just classier to come to dinner dressed and i'm really confused as to why this would be a hill you'd choose to die on and lose valuable time with your family. family members die, and when you look back, you'll be disappointed that you didn't spend the time you had with them because wearing a bra for an extra 30 minutes a day is asking too much of you.
edit to add note:
just reread it and realized you're a 25 yo attorney? then surely you've seen the multiple comments saying how immature this is. *you need to really sit with that for awhile*. most of the top comments validating you and calling your dad a perv are from r/teenager ....you're a 25 yo woman who is being "validated" by mostly children who can't drive yet. is that really the validation or advice you want?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.048498 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have been living with my mom(43f) temporarily since getting kicked out of my rental apartment (the owners are turning it into their office). i also pay rent against my mother's insistence to live rent free because it doesn't feel right. my mom shares the home with her husband(38m) of 5 years and their toddler. my mom has some residual guilt about being a young mother and giving me an unstable childhood. she wants me to live like a family member. now, i'm sure my mom means well, she wants to give me the family experience. but i'm grown. i'm 25. i'm over it. at the end of the day, after a long day at my very hectic job as an attorney, i just want to get rid of my work clothes and unwind in my room. i've struggled with weight my entire life, and have struggled with being bustier than normal. getting rid of the extra weight and getting to normal bmi hasn't helped with downsizing my chest though, and i am self conscious about that. however wearing a bra all day is painful and i get rid of it once i'm home. i live in humid climatic conditions, so it's really unbearable for me. the first night i came down to have dinner with the family i was braless, but i was wearing a very baggy oversized shirt. that next day my mom pulled me aside to chide me for not wearing a bra and said that i made her husband uncomfortable. i stopped joining them for dinner. i have my dinner in my own room now and don't really interact with anyone outside of the bare minimum when i'm in my "home clothes" my mom is now blaming me for neglecting the family and not coming to a compromise (wear a bra around them) aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have been living with my mom(43f) temporarily since getting kicked out of my rental apartment (the owners are turning it into their office). i also pay rent against my mother's insistence to live rent free because it doesn't feel right. my mom shares the home with her husband(38m) of 5 years and their toddler. my mom has some residual guilt about being a young mother and giving me an unstable childhood. she wants me to live like a family member. now, i'm sure my mom means well, she wants to give me the family experience. but i'm grown. i'm 25. i'm over it. at the end of the day, after a long day at my very hectic job as an attorney, i just want to get rid of my work clothes and unwind in my room. i've struggled with weight my entire life, and have struggled with being bustier than normal. getting rid of the extra weight and getting to normal bmi hasn't helped with downsizing my chest though, and i am self conscious about that. however wearing a bra all day is painful and i get rid of it once i'm home. i live in humid climatic conditions, so it's really unbearable for me. the first night i came down to have dinner with the family i was braless, but i was wearing a very baggy oversized shirt. that next day my mom pulled me aside to chide me for not wearing a bra and said that i made her husband uncomfortable. i stopped joining them for dinner. i have my dinner in my own room now and don't really interact with anyone outside of the bare minimum when i'm in my "home clothes" my mom is now blaming me for neglecting the family and not coming to a compromise (wear a bra around them) aita? [/INST] nta your 25 you can wear what you want. your step dad is uncomfortable because he can't help but look at your chest and sexualize you. he's afraid someone is going to catch his eyes lingering so instead he wants you to wear a bra and be uncomfortable. instead of him, you know. not sexualizing you. that said i'm sure you will get a lot of people here saying you suck and he sucks. they i'll say you suck because it's your mom's house and their rules not yours. but check it out, it's your body no matter where you are or live. you are not wrong, he's a pervert. </s>
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AITA for not feeling guilty for giving someone herpes?`
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so i (22f) slept with someone about a year ago. they gave me genital herpes. i later learnt that they knew they had herpes but didn't think it was important to tell their partners.
so fast forward to a few weeks ago. i met a guy (25m) and we start talking, we flirt over text a bit and we decide to meet up. before anything happens i tell him i have herpes and give him something information on it, i also give him a couple of websites so he can do his own research if he wants to. i'm on anti-virals, always use protection and never have sex curing/immediately after an outbreak.
as you can guess, he catches herpes. this was always a risk, i told him this more than once, i even gave him a few days between telling him and us hooking up so he could research/let it sink in. i also told him explicitly that it was cool if he didn't want to have sex anymore.
anyway, he calls me up and tells me, well he shouts it at me. i understand he's upset but he's saying really awful things about me, blaming me for what happened. i try and calm him down 'cause i know they actual worst thing about herpes is when you first have it and you suddenly feel very dirty.
he calls me up multiple times to shout at me and call me names. at one point he asks me how is he going to tell his family (why???). after he calls me a diseased whore i tell him that i'm going to block his number if he doesn't stop and he says i should take responsibility for what i've done. i hang up, send him some forums for people with herpes so he can have people to talk to and block him.
i spoke to a friend (she doesn't know him, didn't give her any details about him) and she says i should be more sympathetic 'cause it was kind of my fault?
i feel like i did everything in my power to keep him informed and that ultimately it was his choice, the only other thing i can really do is not have sex with anyone unless they know their status which like 90% of people don't.
aita?
| 1,552 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/awwfj6/aita_for_not_feeling_guilty_for_giving_someone/
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2019-03-03 17:53:26
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nta. you informed him, a risk was taken. you tried to be sympathetic but he started bring threatening. sucks, sure. but. he had all the necessary information, and he is an adult.
good you cut contact.
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nta you gave him every opportunity to know what the situation is. he risked it and got the biscuit. hes just a horrible human.
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nta. you went out of your way to give him information and the ability to make an educated decision. his reaction is his fault and this is his to deal with now. you did nothing wrong. kudos for being upfront with potential partners.
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nta because you told him, provided info, and at the end of the day he still choose to sleep with you. that's how it works lol. also, there is a great podcast called sawbones that has an entire episode on herpes. basically it wasn't seen as any type of stigma (because literally everyone has type 1) until antiviral medications came out and big pharma launched a huge shame campaign to sell more antivirals because at the time no one cared. literally big pharma made millions of people feel dirty, depressed, angry, etc so they can make more money
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nta. as you've said, you did everything you could do.
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nta. you went above and beyond just telling him you had it ans he still wanted to have sex. this is on him, he could have said no.
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nta. i'm sorry someone gave you herpes. that person is an asshole. but you're not one. you informed this guy of the risks and gave him time to consider them. it's unfortunate this guy got herpes, but it's not your fault, and he's being incredibly hurtful.
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nta. you did everything you should have done. and i understand that he’s upset but that doesn’t give him the right to harass you like that.
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nta. you disclosed your medical history, and he made the decision to keep seeing you. he's an adult responsible for his own decisions, you didn't deceive him.
block him if he won't stop calling you to insult you.
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nta. were you two exclusive? if not there’s a good chance he got it from someone else with all the precautions you were taking.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i (22f) slept with someone about a year ago. they gave me genital herpes. i later learnt that they knew they had herpes but didn't think it was important to tell their partners. so fast forward to a few weeks ago. i met a guy (25m) and we start talking, we flirt over text a bit and we decide to meet up. before anything happens i tell him i have herpes and give him something information on it, i also give him a couple of websites so he can do his own research if he wants to. i'm on anti-virals, always use protection and never have sex curing/immediately after an outbreak. as you can guess, he catches herpes. this was always a risk, i told him this more than once, i even gave him a few days between telling him and us hooking up so he could research/let it sink in. i also told him explicitly that it was cool if he didn't want to have sex anymore. anyway, he calls me up and tells me, well he shouts it at me. i understand he's upset but he's saying really awful things about me, blaming me for what happened. i try and calm him down 'cause i know they actual worst thing about herpes is when you first have it and you suddenly feel very dirty. he calls me up multiple times to shout at me and call me names. at one point he asks me how is he going to tell his family (why???). after he calls me a diseased whore i tell him that i'm going to block his number if he doesn't stop and he says i should take responsibility for what i've done. i hang up, send him some forums for people with herpes so he can have people to talk to and block him. i spoke to a friend (she doesn't know him, didn't give her any details about him) and she says i should be more sympathetic 'cause it was kind of my fault? i feel like i did everything in my power to keep him informed and that ultimately it was his choice, the only other thing i can really do is not have sex with anyone unless they know their status which like 90% of people don't. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i (22f) slept with someone about a year ago. they gave me genital herpes. i later learnt that they knew they had herpes but didn't think it was important to tell their partners. so fast forward to a few weeks ago. i met a guy (25m) and we start talking, we flirt over text a bit and we decide to meet up. before anything happens i tell him i have herpes and give him something information on it, i also give him a couple of websites so he can do his own research if he wants to. i'm on anti-virals, always use protection and never have sex curing/immediately after an outbreak. as you can guess, he catches herpes. this was always a risk, i told him this more than once, i even gave him a few days between telling him and us hooking up so he could research/let it sink in. i also told him explicitly that it was cool if he didn't want to have sex anymore. anyway, he calls me up and tells me, well he shouts it at me. i understand he's upset but he's saying really awful things about me, blaming me for what happened. i try and calm him down 'cause i know they actual worst thing about herpes is when you first have it and you suddenly feel very dirty. he calls me up multiple times to shout at me and call me names. at one point he asks me how is he going to tell his family (why???). after he calls me a diseased whore i tell him that i'm going to block his number if he doesn't stop and he says i should take responsibility for what i've done. i hang up, send him some forums for people with herpes so he can have people to talk to and block him. i spoke to a friend (she doesn't know him, didn't give her any details about him) and she says i should be more sympathetic 'cause it was kind of my fault? i feel like i did everything in my power to keep him informed and that ultimately it was his choice, the only other thing i can really do is not have sex with anyone unless they know their status which like 90% of people don't. aita? [/INST] nta. you informed him, a risk was taken. you tried to be sympathetic but he started bring threatening. sucks, sure. but. he had all the necessary information, and he is an adult. good you cut contact. </s>
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AITA for leaving the house after my boyfriend and his friends came home drunk?
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my boyfriend and i have recently moved in together. we decided to set some ground rules and it was just some little stuff but i did put down one big one which was no drinking in the house and stay at a hotel or friends house if you are gonna drink. he complained a little about it but after i reminded him why i won’t allow it and he seemed okay with it. i grew up with two alcoholic parents who were very ab*sive and now that i’m older and can choose to live my life now i want to, i avoid being near drunk people at all costs.
we’ve been staying in for the past few weekends but yesterday my bf told me he was gonna out to a bar with his friends. i said okay and told him that he can use my card for hotel if none of his friends let him stay at their house. he seemed confused but he nodded his head and went out. it was around 2 am when i heard our front door being opened, i walked out and saw not only my drunk boyfriend but also his two even more drunk looking friends. i asked him why he was here and not at hotel and he just laughed at me saying he didn’t think i was being serious about that “stupid rule”. i was still half asleep and didn’t feel like fighting so i packed a small bag and went to go stay at my friends house.
he kept calling me throughout the night but i ignored them and tried to sleep off my anger. when i woke up this morning i had a bunch of texts from him and one of our mutual friends at first they were just him apologizing but then they started to get angrier and he was blaming me for making such a dumbass rule and thinking he was gonna follow it. he said i was being a baby and i embarrassed him in front of my friends. i showed it to my friend and she said that he was being ridiculous but her girlfriend said she could see why he’d be upset.
honestly i’m a little bit torn. i understand that some people might not be comfortable enough to follow this rule but the thing is my boyfriend said he was okay with it. before we even moved in together he would never go to my apartment while drunk because he knew how uncomfortable i was with it. i also do think it’s very disrespectful of him to not follow the one simple thing i asked him to do even after i offered to pay for the hotel. i’ve asked a few of friends and it’s spilt between them too so what do you guys think?
| 1,444 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xeen6l/aita_for_leaving_the_house_after_my_boyfriend_and/
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2022-09-14 22:00:06
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nta
>i understand that some people might not be comfortable enough to follow this rule but the thing is my boyfriend said he was okay with it.
this. this right here. if he had spoke his objections when he should have, this wouldn't have happened. but he deliberately let you think he was agreeing, was reminded of the rule right before he was planning on breaking the rule, and gets upset that you're mad he broke the rule?
he's straight up lied and manipulated you, in a very disrespectful way.
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nta.
it's not a stupid rule, it's just one you need and not others, due to your life experience. if he didn't want to follow it, he needed to say so. lying, charging ahead despite your trauma based boundaries, and then blaming and attacking you, is completely unacceptable.
he's the asshole and how he responded is even worse than what he did, which was pretty bad.
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info: why is it that your friends are torn? like what is their way of seeing things? just curious, but:
nta.
the rule is not dumb, even if you don't have a "logic" reason for your rule it is still your rule that you want at your house. it's not only his house and he seemed to agree so that's just straight up lying.
but.. you do have a logic reason, a really good one that he should understand. you should be his priority, not his drunk friends or how you "made him look in front of them".
i'm not saying break up with him on the spot, but someone who loves you would understand and not call you a baby for something like this.
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**nta**
it's not a stupid rule, and you didn't make it for arbitrary reasons. the rule is there to make you feel safe, because you have legitimate trauma from having grown up with abusive, alcoholic parents, and while the word "trigger" may get thrown around a lot these days inappropriately, this is a very real trigger for you in the most meaningful and legitimate psychiatric sense. drunk people are upsetting and scary for you, and you have every right to feel that way because of the way you grew up.
you aren't even asking your boyfriend not to drink, or even not to get drunk. you're only asking him not to come into your shared home in that state, because of your traumatic past and the fact that it makes you feel unsafe. that's not "stupid" it's entirely reasonable.
what isn't reasonable is his not only refusing to take this seriously, but not even taking the time to comprehend and care about an issue that affects his partner this way. you are nta, and you deserve better from him.
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nta
* you had a traumatic experience. * you're receiving professional help for same.
* your condition for moving in was "please don't come home drunk."
* he agreed.
* he respected the rule before co-habitation, and did not come to your apt. while drunk.
* he still had his own apt. available to him.
* you reminded him before he went out, and provided your card to pay for a hotel if he needed one.
* he shows up drunk, with drunk friends.
* instead of arguing with him, or making a scene, you go to a friend's.
* he, and a mutual friend(?) start blowing up your phone.
* instead of sleeping it off, or taking reponsibility, he blames you. it's *your* fault for making this "stupid rule".
* then he goes to name calling, and says you embarrassed him. darvo much?
your friends really shouldn't be weighing in. he's an adult, and agreed to the request. going to guess that once he was drunk, his friends teased him, and he decided to show them that he's the boss.
and it backfired on him.
he may not get drunk often, but it seems like he is not a "nice drunk".
there are agreements people make in different siuations; work, cohabitation, parenting, marriage, etc.
is he able to keep his promises while drunk, and sober? or will you be blamed for "stupid rules", like "don't drive drunk", or "don't sleep with other people"?
is he going to share your relationship issues with other people, so they will text you to comply with him?
*
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nta. he voluntarily agreed. i'd give some serious thought before continuing the relationship.
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nta.
i can see why he would be upset too, but being upset doesn’t all of a sudden negate any assholery you’ve been a part of. he’s definitely the asshole here, and honestly this is something that should make you rethink your relationship together. not that he’s a bad guy (i can’t possibly make that assumption off so little information), but he obviously enjoys something that you completely hate, and it will continue to be a point of tension. for this to work, he basically has to give up drinking. him staying with a friend and never being around you drunk isn’t an option if you’re married. it also doesn’t sound like he has any intention or willingness to stop drinking altogether. not saying you should end it, but i would put some heavy thought and consideration into your compatibility and what problems could arise in the future with this area of disagreement
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nta - so we’ve established he’s a drunk and a liar - what is the appeal?
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nta but it sounds to me like you guys are not compatible.
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nta - you made it clear : you are uncomfortable, he know it. the fact he cross boundaries rn is a red flag.
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my boyfriend and i have recently moved in together. we decided to set some ground rules and it was just some little stuff but i did put down one big one which was no drinking in the house and stay at a hotel or friends house if you are gonna drink. he complained a little about it but after i reminded him why i won’t allow it and he seemed okay with it. i grew up with two alcoholic parents who were very ab*sive and now that i’m older and can choose to live my life now i want to, i avoid being near drunk people at all costs. we’ve been staying in for the past few weekends but yesterday my bf told me he was gonna out to a bar with his friends. i said okay and told him that he can use my card for hotel if none of his friends let him stay at their house. he seemed confused but he nodded his head and went out. it was around 2 am when i heard our front door being opened, i walked out and saw not only my drunk boyfriend but also his two even more drunk looking friends. i asked him why he was here and not at hotel and he just laughed at me saying he didn’t think i was being serious about that “stupid rule”. i was still half asleep and didn’t feel like fighting so i packed a small bag and went to go stay at my friends house. he kept calling me throughout the night but i ignored them and tried to sleep off my anger. when i woke up this morning i had a bunch of texts from him and one of our mutual friends at first they were just him apologizing but then they started to get angrier and he was blaming me for making such a dumbass rule and thinking he was gonna follow it. he said i was being a baby and i embarrassed him in front of my friends. i showed it to my friend and she said that he was being ridiculous but her girlfriend said she could see why he’d be upset. honestly i’m a little bit torn. i understand that some people might not be comfortable enough to follow this rule but the thing is my boyfriend said he was okay with it. before we even moved in together he would never go to my apartment while drunk because he knew how uncomfortable i was with it. i also do think it’s very disrespectful of him to not follow the one simple thing i asked him to do even after i offered to pay for the hotel. i’ve asked a few of friends and it’s spilt between them too so what do you guys think?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my boyfriend and i have recently moved in together. we decided to set some ground rules and it was just some little stuff but i did put down one big one which was no drinking in the house and stay at a hotel or friends house if you are gonna drink. he complained a little about it but after i reminded him why i won’t allow it and he seemed okay with it. i grew up with two alcoholic parents who were very ab*sive and now that i’m older and can choose to live my life now i want to, i avoid being near drunk people at all costs. we’ve been staying in for the past few weekends but yesterday my bf told me he was gonna out to a bar with his friends. i said okay and told him that he can use my card for hotel if none of his friends let him stay at their house. he seemed confused but he nodded his head and went out. it was around 2 am when i heard our front door being opened, i walked out and saw not only my drunk boyfriend but also his two even more drunk looking friends. i asked him why he was here and not at hotel and he just laughed at me saying he didn’t think i was being serious about that “stupid rule”. i was still half asleep and didn’t feel like fighting so i packed a small bag and went to go stay at my friends house. he kept calling me throughout the night but i ignored them and tried to sleep off my anger. when i woke up this morning i had a bunch of texts from him and one of our mutual friends at first they were just him apologizing but then they started to get angrier and he was blaming me for making such a dumbass rule and thinking he was gonna follow it. he said i was being a baby and i embarrassed him in front of my friends. i showed it to my friend and she said that he was being ridiculous but her girlfriend said she could see why he’d be upset. honestly i’m a little bit torn. i understand that some people might not be comfortable enough to follow this rule but the thing is my boyfriend said he was okay with it. before we even moved in together he would never go to my apartment while drunk because he knew how uncomfortable i was with it. i also do think it’s very disrespectful of him to not follow the one simple thing i asked him to do even after i offered to pay for the hotel. i’ve asked a few of friends and it’s spilt between them too so what do you guys think? [/INST] nta >i understand that some people might not be comfortable enough to follow this rule but the thing is my boyfriend said he was okay with it. this. this right here. if he had spoke his objections when he should have, this wouldn't have happened. but he deliberately let you think he was agreeing, was reminded of the rule right before he was planning on breaking the rule, and gets upset that you're mad he broke the rule? he's straight up lied and manipulated you, in a very disrespectful way. </s>
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AITA for telling at my sisters and calling them immature and insecure?
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i (26f) have 2 half sisters jo(24) and rae(23). jo is on my dad's side and rae is on my mom's side. so usually we don't all hang out, that being said rae and jo are more like each other than i am similar to either of them.
the biggest issue i have with them is the fact they both think they are in contest competition with me and each other. when we were kids i would ignore them and just let them do their thing but now that we are adults i thought they would stop with their childish competition but no they haven't. their thing is they feel the need to be the "pretty" sister.
i don't put any effort in my appearance regularly and i am insecure about the way i look but i try not be because i am married and my husband loves me and thinks i'm beautiful so that's all that matters to me. so despite my insecurities i am happy and feel loved and that's more important to me than being attractive to others.
well rae and jo have gone out their way knowing i feeling insecure to let me know i'm the ugly sister. they talk about it all the time and have often taken unflattering pictures of me and compare them to their pictures and posted them on social media to get their friends to also call me ugly and call them pretty. and if anyone tries to defend me they delete the post or delete the comments. this "competition" has gone on since we were kids and before their was social media they used to just introduce me to their friends and then say things like "see i told she was the ugly one".
i don't let this get to me and often ignore them, but this weekend they took it too far. my son had a birthday party and i invited them to the party. while there they noticed i was dressed up and had on light make up, and then spent most of the part showing unflattering pictures of me to the other people and talking about how i needed to put in more effort if i wanted to the pretty sister.
after the party when all guests left and it was just family there to clean. i told them i thought they were being inappropriate. they told me i was jealous of them and that they didn't do anything wrong. this really set me off and i yelled at them they are both insecure and immature assholes and i never want them around me again. well they both started sobbing and saying i was mean and that i have everything in life so i don't understand their struggles. i told them to just leave and they are not welcome at my other son's birthday party next month.
well both sides of my family are now pissed of and think i should be the one to apologize because they are "young girls who didn't mean any harm". my husband says i was right to stand up to them especially since i do a lot for them and they always treat me this way. my family says i'm an asshole though. so aita? should i just not have said anything and ignored them like always?
| 240 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xbi1ka/aita_for_telling_at_my_sisters_and_calling_them/
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2022-09-11 13:04:09
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nta. they aren't "young girls" they are 23 an 24. far too old for childish nonsense like caring about being the "pretty" sister. they can grow up or be cut out. and i say the same for anyone that defends them. they can either grow up and address the inappropriate behavior or they can be cut out. there is nothing wrong with sticking up for yourself.
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nta
they have bullied you for years...and then when they saw you went to an effort, they bullied you more.
they are not young girls...they are full adult women ffs
they owe you an apology...if they don't want to be told they acted like arseholes, they need to stop being arseholes!
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nta - but they and both sides of your family are. they're "just girls"? they're two and three years younger than you are, and just as much grown women as you are. you don't need that poison in your life. my opinion is that you should go nc with them and anyone who supports them. love your self, your husband and your children, and be happy for your family. your half sisters are like the evil queen in snow white. her beauty hid her true self - an ugly old witch. have a good life.
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“young girls who didn’t mean any harm”
they are 23 and 24. adults. they are not that much younger than you, op. this is childish high school behavior that needed to die out a long time ago. you were right to tell them off and right to disinvite them from your other son’s birthday. they need to grow up.
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nta.
okay, i'm not entirely sure why since i've never cared much for how people look, but this pissed me off on so many levels!
your sisters were not inappropriate. they were beyond rude! you have every right to be furious with them. they've been undermining your self-confidence for years, bullying you left and right, and it's time they start owning up to their crappy behavior. to be fair, you did not help by "ignoring" it for so long. you should have spoken up much sooner. but late is better then never, and now is the time to stick to your guns.
and your family? you have every right to be livid at them too. they need to stop infantilizing your half-sisters, treating them like they're five years old, and thereby enabling their crappy behavior. so, a list of questions for your family. not to put words in your mouth, but to hopefully help you realize that your family is gaslighting you.
dear family;
* do you acknowledge that my half-sisters have caused harm, regardless of whether they intended or not?
* do you think that their intent truly matters? if you have trouble answering this question, consider this: if a mother beats her daughter to teach her obedience, will this 'good intent' magically whisk away her daughters life-long trauma?
* are you aware that my sisters' bullying has been going on for a long, long time now? and if not, can you enlighten me as to how you missed all their facebook posts where they post a ton of pictures of me and them, going out of their way to compare our looks and label me 'ugly'? a nasty hobby they spread among their friends?
* how old do you believe a person needs to be to be old enough to know that that kind of behavior is \*\*\*\*\*\*\* rude and unacceptable?
* and if that age is anywhere above eight, would you care to read these awesome books on parenting i've got lying around, because, oh boy, you are in for a surprise!
* you claim i should apologize because i finally decided to teach my sisters the valuable life lesson: that fact that they shouldn't bully people. do you realize that you expecting me to apologize for correcting their bad behavior rather than you expecting them to apologize for said bad behavior, will once again rob them of this really awesome opportunity to finally learn said lesson? again, a severely overdue lesson?
* will you take responsibility for when my sisters still won't have learned said lesson by age forty?
okay. sorry. the snark came out full force =\_=. please don't actually ask these questions to your family. at least not like this. i'll go hide in a corner.
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nta. they honest to god remind me of the sisters in the original beauty and the beast story. vain and always trying to one up you. you stood your ground and not only defended yourself, but your kids as well. really scummy to go to a kids birthday and tell all the guests you think their mom is ugly.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (26f) have 2 half sisters jo(24) and rae(23). jo is on my dad's side and rae is on my mom's side. so usually we don't all hang out, that being said rae and jo are more like each other than i am similar to either of them. the biggest issue i have with them is the fact they both think they are in contest competition with me and each other. when we were kids i would ignore them and just let them do their thing but now that we are adults i thought they would stop with their childish competition but no they haven't. their thing is they feel the need to be the "pretty" sister. i don't put any effort in my appearance regularly and i am insecure about the way i look but i try not be because i am married and my husband loves me and thinks i'm beautiful so that's all that matters to me. so despite my insecurities i am happy and feel loved and that's more important to me than being attractive to others. well rae and jo have gone out their way knowing i feeling insecure to let me know i'm the ugly sister. they talk about it all the time and have often taken unflattering pictures of me and compare them to their pictures and posted them on social media to get their friends to also call me ugly and call them pretty. and if anyone tries to defend me they delete the post or delete the comments. this "competition" has gone on since we were kids and before their was social media they used to just introduce me to their friends and then say things like "see i told she was the ugly one". i don't let this get to me and often ignore them, but this weekend they took it too far. my son had a birthday party and i invited them to the party. while there they noticed i was dressed up and had on light make up, and then spent most of the part showing unflattering pictures of me to the other people and talking about how i needed to put in more effort if i wanted to the pretty sister. after the party when all guests left and it was just family there to clean. i told them i thought they were being inappropriate. they told me i was jealous of them and that they didn't do anything wrong. this really set me off and i yelled at them they are both insecure and immature assholes and i never want them around me again. well they both started sobbing and saying i was mean and that i have everything in life so i don't understand their struggles. i told them to just leave and they are not welcome at my other son's birthday party next month. well both sides of my family are now pissed of and think i should be the one to apologize because they are "young girls who didn't mean any harm". my husband says i was right to stand up to them especially since i do a lot for them and they always treat me this way. my family says i'm an asshole though. so aita? should i just not have said anything and ignored them like always?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (26f) have 2 half sisters jo(24) and rae(23). jo is on my dad's side and rae is on my mom's side. so usually we don't all hang out, that being said rae and jo are more like each other than i am similar to either of them. the biggest issue i have with them is the fact they both think they are in contest competition with me and each other. when we were kids i would ignore them and just let them do their thing but now that we are adults i thought they would stop with their childish competition but no they haven't. their thing is they feel the need to be the "pretty" sister. i don't put any effort in my appearance regularly and i am insecure about the way i look but i try not be because i am married and my husband loves me and thinks i'm beautiful so that's all that matters to me. so despite my insecurities i am happy and feel loved and that's more important to me than being attractive to others. well rae and jo have gone out their way knowing i feeling insecure to let me know i'm the ugly sister. they talk about it all the time and have often taken unflattering pictures of me and compare them to their pictures and posted them on social media to get their friends to also call me ugly and call them pretty. and if anyone tries to defend me they delete the post or delete the comments. this "competition" has gone on since we were kids and before their was social media they used to just introduce me to their friends and then say things like "see i told she was the ugly one". i don't let this get to me and often ignore them, but this weekend they took it too far. my son had a birthday party and i invited them to the party. while there they noticed i was dressed up and had on light make up, and then spent most of the part showing unflattering pictures of me to the other people and talking about how i needed to put in more effort if i wanted to the pretty sister. after the party when all guests left and it was just family there to clean. i told them i thought they were being inappropriate. they told me i was jealous of them and that they didn't do anything wrong. this really set me off and i yelled at them they are both insecure and immature assholes and i never want them around me again. well they both started sobbing and saying i was mean and that i have everything in life so i don't understand their struggles. i told them to just leave and they are not welcome at my other son's birthday party next month. well both sides of my family are now pissed of and think i should be the one to apologize because they are "young girls who didn't mean any harm". my husband says i was right to stand up to them especially since i do a lot for them and they always treat me this way. my family says i'm an asshole though. so aita? should i just not have said anything and ignored them like always? [/INST] nta. they aren't "young girls" they are 23 an 24. far too old for childish nonsense like caring about being the "pretty" sister. they can grow up or be cut out. and i say the same for anyone that defends them. they can either grow up and address the inappropriate behavior or they can be cut out. there is nothing wrong with sticking up for yourself. </s>
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AiTA for photoshopping a picture of my girlfriend.
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so about a month ago i was talking to guy in work. hes a pretty fit guy like myself and we were talking about gym routines.
id seem a picture of him on facebook and he has almost perfect physic and i was asking his secrets.
he explained to me that it wasnt all him and showed me an app on his phone that he used to edit his pictures and give him that extra boost. the app was free so i downloaded it.
it was pretty good and i showed my gf the pics and she thought they we pretty good too. over the coming weeks i got a bit obsessed about editing pics of myself and then got bored with it, never shared a picture with anyone other then her and the guy in work. one day i was again bored watching some program i eith the gf so started to play with it again. edited myself, the cat and a few pictures of my gf.
even though she is also in good shape ( we gym or so oyher activity ever other day) i gave her a flatter stomach, pinched waste and bigger boobs. after a while id thought i'd done a good job and showed it to her, she was not impressed at all asked why id done it. i explained i was bored with the tv programme and wonder what she would look like with bigger boobs.
she got annoyed tunned of the programme and went upstairs to watch it.
am i the arsehole?
edit.
fristly i think my girlfriend is beautiful. this wasnt for me wanting to change her. i also did other pictures like long arms and making my cat super fat.
we spoke about 30 minutes later and i apologised as i never intended to upset her. we are cool and she knows i think shes beautiful.
i accept it was a bit tastless. i will stick to funny ones in future and only edit myself in "serious" edits.
| 9,503 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/datrrz/aita_for_photoshopping_a_picture_of_my_girlfriend/
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2019-09-29 11:05:49
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yta
if you don't know why you need more help than we can provide.
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yta can you honestly not see why this might hurt her feelings?
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i mean it's kind of yta.
it's like saying "look it's you but i fixed your flaws" or "you're fat" or "you need bigger boobs".
if it was really a bit of fun you might have made a genuinely funny edit, but this just seems a little rude/ insensitive.
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yta. she should've photoshopped a bigger dick on you and told you she was just bored and wanted to see what you'd look like with a bigger dick.
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yta - this is one of those things that women fight against tier whole lives, being compared to impossible and inhuman standards.
no matter what you said, what you did told her
"i don't really love you as you are and wish you were thinner and had bigger boobs. if i do find someone with these features, i'd love them instead of you"
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yeah, yta. despite all your protestations, you seem really unhappy with your own and your girlfriend's physical shape.
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dude.
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yta photoshop these days is a pain in the arse. stick to reality and tell you gf that she is beautiful just the way she is
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yta for not seeing how insulting that would be to your gf. “hey i wish you had bigger boobs so i photoshopped you” is definitely an asshole move. i would apologize for not thinking how it would hurt her.
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yta.
unless you’re completely oblivious, you must know women are constantly bombarded with media about how they could look “better” (aka bigger boobs, round ass, flat stomach, thigh gap, etc.). it’s no wonder she got upset when her own bf did it to her too.
and based on your replies, you’re just justifying your actions rather than accepting peoples judgement. apologize to your girlfriend, man.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so about a month ago i was talking to guy in work. hes a pretty fit guy like myself and we were talking about gym routines. id seem a picture of him on facebook and he has almost perfect physic and i was asking his secrets. he explained to me that it wasnt all him and showed me an app on his phone that he used to edit his pictures and give him that extra boost. the app was free so i downloaded it. it was pretty good and i showed my gf the pics and she thought they we pretty good too. over the coming weeks i got a bit obsessed about editing pics of myself and then got bored with it, never shared a picture with anyone other then her and the guy in work. one day i was again bored watching some program i eith the gf so started to play with it again. edited myself, the cat and a few pictures of my gf. even though she is also in good shape ( we gym or so oyher activity ever other day) i gave her a flatter stomach, pinched waste and bigger boobs. after a while id thought i'd done a good job and showed it to her, she was not impressed at all asked why id done it. i explained i was bored with the tv programme and wonder what she would look like with bigger boobs. she got annoyed tunned of the programme and went upstairs to watch it. am i the arsehole? edit. fristly i think my girlfriend is beautiful. this wasnt for me wanting to change her. i also did other pictures like long arms and making my cat super fat. we spoke about 30 minutes later and i apologised as i never intended to upset her. we are cool and she knows i think shes beautiful. i accept it was a bit tastless. i will stick to funny ones in future and only edit myself in "serious" edits.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so about a month ago i was talking to guy in work. hes a pretty fit guy like myself and we were talking about gym routines. id seem a picture of him on facebook and he has almost perfect physic and i was asking his secrets. he explained to me that it wasnt all him and showed me an app on his phone that he used to edit his pictures and give him that extra boost. the app was free so i downloaded it. it was pretty good and i showed my gf the pics and she thought they we pretty good too. over the coming weeks i got a bit obsessed about editing pics of myself and then got bored with it, never shared a picture with anyone other then her and the guy in work. one day i was again bored watching some program i eith the gf so started to play with it again. edited myself, the cat and a few pictures of my gf. even though she is also in good shape ( we gym or so oyher activity ever other day) i gave her a flatter stomach, pinched waste and bigger boobs. after a while id thought i'd done a good job and showed it to her, she was not impressed at all asked why id done it. i explained i was bored with the tv programme and wonder what she would look like with bigger boobs. she got annoyed tunned of the programme and went upstairs to watch it. am i the arsehole? edit. fristly i think my girlfriend is beautiful. this wasnt for me wanting to change her. i also did other pictures like long arms and making my cat super fat. we spoke about 30 minutes later and i apologised as i never intended to upset her. we are cool and she knows i think shes beautiful. i accept it was a bit tastless. i will stick to funny ones in future and only edit myself in "serious" edits. [/INST] yta if you don't know why you need more help than we can provide. </s>
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AITA for banning my brother in law from my house?
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it all started when my partner (24m) and i (18f) met a few months ago, we met and after two months i got pregnant, we decided to stay together and start a family and fortunately things are going great, but my bil (35m) hates me for that. he used to think that i ruined my partner's life with a child, because now he (my partner) cant live the life he always dreamed of because he's playing "happy family".
even knowing that he hates me i never said anything because when our daughter was born he changed a *bit*, he adores her to be honest. but the other day was my partner's birthday and he sent him a whole ass paragraph telling him that he was no longer a child and that he should think about what to do with his life, that he spoke with my partner's ex-girlfriend and that she told him that she still loves him and that if he gave her a "second chance" she would take it, and he even sent him her new phone number so he could contact her again.
i read the text because my partner was bathing our baby and he told me to read the birthday messages his family and friends sent him for him, so i did and when he heard what i was reading he got so mad because this is not the first time his brother does something like that, when i was pregnant he always made "innocent" comments about how good his ex-girlfriend was, and how much his family adored her. my partner called him and told him that he should shut his mouth and let him live his life, and he basically took my side, i told him that since that day his brother was banned from our house until he learns to behave and he agreed, but for his family i'm the bitch that forced him to make that decision.
they didn't attend his birthday party because if his brother is not welcome in our house neither are they, and i can't even count the amount of texts i've received from his older sisters telling me that i'm an asshole for wanting to control their little brother's life and for banning their other brother from my house, they justified everything he said by saying that he was only trying to "advise his younger brother", that he had no bad intentions.
but i don't care, i don't want my daughter to grow up surrounded by these toxic people, aita?
| 271 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pqz0c4/aita_for_banning_my_brother_in_law_from_my_house/
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2021-09-19 01:48:50
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nta. your partner can think for himself, but they're not crediting him. instead they're blaming you. stay strong together as a couple, it's the only way to keep these toxic people from ruining your lives.
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nta removing the toxic people from your, his, and your daughter's life as early in her life as possible is a good thing.
maybe they'll grow up eventually. if not, it's their loss, not yours.
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i think i would start sending bils partner contact info for some guys that would be a good match for her.
anyone ok with him advising his brother....well, their sos are also on the list.
don't worry about being surreptitious....go up to the sister and her bf/husband and say, hey, you really need to think about how your life is going...i have this friend who is newly single, and she's really hot, soon to start med school...let me give you her number because at this point you should be considering your options....
see how that goes over....
nta
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esh were you a minor when you got pregnant? your bil is an ah and your bf is an ah for knocking up a teenager.
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the age difference is creepy. esh.
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nta
i like how the brother keeps telling a 24 year old that he's not a kid yet is treating the teen mom like trash. what a winner your bil is.
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info:
> my partner (24m) and i (18f) met a few months ago … i got pregnant
> when our daughter was born he changed a bit
what species are you that you have a gestation of a couple of weeks?
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[deleted]
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nta. your partner is lucky that he got out of that house. it sounds like his entire family is just a bunch of as.
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i stopped reading after paragraph 2. fuck him.
nta:
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0.198488 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: it all started when my partner (24m) and i (18f) met a few months ago, we met and after two months i got pregnant, we decided to stay together and start a family and fortunately things are going great, but my bil (35m) hates me for that. he used to think that i ruined my partner's life with a child, because now he (my partner) cant live the life he always dreamed of because he's playing "happy family". even knowing that he hates me i never said anything because when our daughter was born he changed a *bit*, he adores her to be honest. but the other day was my partner's birthday and he sent him a whole ass paragraph telling him that he was no longer a child and that he should think about what to do with his life, that he spoke with my partner's ex-girlfriend and that she told him that she still loves him and that if he gave her a "second chance" she would take it, and he even sent him her new phone number so he could contact her again. i read the text because my partner was bathing our baby and he told me to read the birthday messages his family and friends sent him for him, so i did and when he heard what i was reading he got so mad because this is not the first time his brother does something like that, when i was pregnant he always made "innocent" comments about how good his ex-girlfriend was, and how much his family adored her. my partner called him and told him that he should shut his mouth and let him live his life, and he basically took my side, i told him that since that day his brother was banned from our house until he learns to behave and he agreed, but for his family i'm the bitch that forced him to make that decision. they didn't attend his birthday party because if his brother is not welcome in our house neither are they, and i can't even count the amount of texts i've received from his older sisters telling me that i'm an asshole for wanting to control their little brother's life and for banning their other brother from my house, they justified everything he said by saying that he was only trying to "advise his younger brother", that he had no bad intentions. but i don't care, i don't want my daughter to grow up surrounded by these toxic people, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
it all started when my partner (24m) and i (18f) met a few months ago, we met and after two months i got pregnant, we decided to stay together and start a family and fortunately things are going great, but my bil (35m) hates me for that. he used to think that i ruined my partner's life with a child, because now he (my partner) cant live the life he always dreamed of because he's playing "happy family". even knowing that he hates me i never said anything because when our daughter was born he changed a *bit*, he adores her to be honest. but the other day was my partner's birthday and he sent him a whole ass paragraph telling him that he was no longer a child and that he should think about what to do with his life, that he spoke with my partner's ex-girlfriend and that she told him that she still loves him and that if he gave her a "second chance" she would take it, and he even sent him her new phone number so he could contact her again. i read the text because my partner was bathing our baby and he told me to read the birthday messages his family and friends sent him for him, so i did and when he heard what i was reading he got so mad because this is not the first time his brother does something like that, when i was pregnant he always made "innocent" comments about how good his ex-girlfriend was, and how much his family adored her. my partner called him and told him that he should shut his mouth and let him live his life, and he basically took my side, i told him that since that day his brother was banned from our house until he learns to behave and he agreed, but for his family i'm the bitch that forced him to make that decision. they didn't attend his birthday party because if his brother is not welcome in our house neither are they, and i can't even count the amount of texts i've received from his older sisters telling me that i'm an asshole for wanting to control their little brother's life and for banning their other brother from my house, they justified everything he said by saying that he was only trying to "advise his younger brother", that he had no bad intentions. but i don't care, i don't want my daughter to grow up surrounded by these toxic people, aita? [/INST] nta. your partner can think for himself, but they're not crediting him. instead they're blaming you. stay strong together as a couple, it's the only way to keep these toxic people from ruining your lives. </s>
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AITA for refusing to pay for a lawyer for my legal adult daughter?
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my daughter(18 and a high school senior) exasperates me and my ex husband because of her absent minded nature.
case in point: when she shops and has her hands full she puts items in her purse and expects to remember them at checkout.
her “ luck” with that finally ran out when she got arrested at sephora for shoplifting.
she was charged and let go. now she’s back at my house and because she was arrested in the middle of a plaza that a lot of our friends hang out or do business around, me and her stepfather are exceptionally embarrassed.
her father (my ex husband) also called and said he’s furious that she got herself arrested and he’s also mad because she admitted to mouthing off to the store people who apprehended her, claiming she was in a bad mood.
he told me straight up he wasn’t going to pay for her mistakes ( lawyer rates start at $350 an hour in our area) and that she was “ six feet under” as far as he was concerned.
my current husband is also very annoyed and is not willing to pay. i work freelance as a graphic designer and haven’t been taking many jobs lately, so i can’t afford it on my small project earnings.
i’m also mad that my daughter is blaming her anxiety on why she was belligerent to people who could have decided not to press charges.
i doubt she’s going to spend any time in jail, so i told her that if she wanted a lawyer she was going to have to pay for it herself.
she’s now angry at me, claiming that high school is a full time job. aita?
our part of town is one where everybody seems to know everybody else’s business and i’m pretty sure everybody we know probably will hear about this. i’m sick of her making mistakes that affect all of us and still expecting us to be responsible for her.
| 611 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/im3f71/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_a_lawyer_for_my/
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2020-09-03 22:10:28
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nta, but you should fully expect this to fuck up your kids life if you don’t help her get a decent lawyer. colleges don’t love applicants with criminal records.
also, your daughter was shoplifting. you need to know that. she didn’t forget to pay.
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nta
your daughter has a habit of stealing. that's not absent-minded. she's a thief.
if you buy her way out of this, she won't learn anything. don't pay for her lawyer.
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nta but you’re naive af if you think she hasn’t been purposely stealing , let her face the consequences don’t bail her out
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esh. not so much the actions as the attitudes.
first off, your daughter is legally an adult, but she is also dependent on you and is in high school. you are being pretty flip and insensitive toward her when you tell her she can pay for the lawyer herself.
second off, it sounds like your daughter is a shoplifter. i don't buy that excuse about her putting stuff in her purse and expecting to remember to pay for it later. she should know that doesn't work.
third, you, your ex, and your husband are real pieces of work. you, your husband, and your ex are variously annoyed, embarrassed, and angry because your daughter made you look bad in front of the community and because she mouthed off to a store clerk. oh, and you are mad she blames that on anxiety.
nowhere in your post do i see a single iota of concern for your daughter's future. nowhere in your post do i see even a scintilla of compassion for your daughter facing first arrest, and now a trial. nowhere in your post do i see a single indication that you are trying to turn this into a learning experience for your daughter. nowhere in your post do you express one bit of concern for why your daughter might be acting out. all i see is the three of you concerned about how this affects your reputation at the country club. nowhere do you give her even a little parental guidance. you just tell her she is on her own because she embarrassed you.
your daughter is legally an adult. she also committed a crime -- a misdemeanor. and she is also on a situation that is probably very frightening and unfamiliar for her. hell, it would be frightening and disorienting for a lot of experienced adults. and no, she did not handle it well. she needs parents right now -- people who could make any of a wide range of decisions here, but who would do so with her welfare and her needs in mind.
instead, she has you, your husband, and your ex.
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nta. all the stuff about how "everybody seems to know everybody else's business" is irrelevant. your daughter is old enough to know better and old enough to face the consequences of her own actions. if she wants to hire a lawyer, she can get a job to save up for one. she can always roll the dice with a public defender, too.
it sounds like you've been way too gullible, too. i don't buy for a second that she "puts items in her purse and expects to remember them at checkout." every single store i've been to has baskets that are there explicitly for that purpose. these aren't new developments, either. they've been around since at least the 1980s, twenty years before she was even born. there is no reason for her to be putting anything in her purse at the store. i wish her luck with any defender, private or public, if that's the best alibi that she can come up with.
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esh -
why she sucks: she made bratty, immature decisions that now gave her a police record and legal fees.
why you suck: she might be 18 but she's pretty clearly still a child. your job is still to be a parent unless this incident was enough to cause you to want to disown her.
assist her (not do it for her, assist) in getting through this then levy punishments. grounding, make her get a job to pay you back, confiscate her phone, some sort of punishment.
this sort of thing sounds like the sentence would be community service so she'll get plenty embarrassed there.
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nta but if you don't pay this is going to cause issues for her much further down the line, and if she can't get a job due to a criminal record you're gonna be paying her bills for a lot longer than paying for the lawyer.
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info - i’m confused with this post. half of your post makes it sound like, while really stupid, this was an accident but the other half (sick of her making mistakes that affect you) sounds like she has a legit habit of shoplifting.
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nta. consider it tough love.
her shoplifting was a habit. maybe this is what it will are for her to learn not to do stupid things with predictable results.
i’m calling it shoplifting because i’m not convinced that she wouldn’t consider it a nice bonus if she conveniently forgot to pay, and it’s just not something most people do. you just don’t put unpurchased merchandise in your pockets or purse.
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nta
she put herself in this situation on her own. such a minor incident will very likely not result in any serious consequences for her.
furthermore, she is an adult and can more than likely get a court appointed lawyer free of charge.
let her sort this out on her own it will be good for her
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
|
INFO
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NTA
|
NTA
| 0.09992 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter(18 and a high school senior) exasperates me and my ex husband because of her absent minded nature. case in point: when she shops and has her hands full she puts items in her purse and expects to remember them at checkout. her “ luck” with that finally ran out when she got arrested at sephora for shoplifting. she was charged and let go. now she’s back at my house and because she was arrested in the middle of a plaza that a lot of our friends hang out or do business around, me and her stepfather are exceptionally embarrassed. her father (my ex husband) also called and said he’s furious that she got herself arrested and he’s also mad because she admitted to mouthing off to the store people who apprehended her, claiming she was in a bad mood. he told me straight up he wasn’t going to pay for her mistakes ( lawyer rates start at $350 an hour in our area) and that she was “ six feet under” as far as he was concerned. my current husband is also very annoyed and is not willing to pay. i work freelance as a graphic designer and haven’t been taking many jobs lately, so i can’t afford it on my small project earnings. i’m also mad that my daughter is blaming her anxiety on why she was belligerent to people who could have decided not to press charges. i doubt she’s going to spend any time in jail, so i told her that if she wanted a lawyer she was going to have to pay for it herself. she’s now angry at me, claiming that high school is a full time job. aita? our part of town is one where everybody seems to know everybody else’s business and i’m pretty sure everybody we know probably will hear about this. i’m sick of her making mistakes that affect all of us and still expecting us to be responsible for her.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter(18 and a high school senior) exasperates me and my ex husband because of her absent minded nature. case in point: when she shops and has her hands full she puts items in her purse and expects to remember them at checkout. her “ luck” with that finally ran out when she got arrested at sephora for shoplifting. she was charged and let go. now she’s back at my house and because she was arrested in the middle of a plaza that a lot of our friends hang out or do business around, me and her stepfather are exceptionally embarrassed. her father (my ex husband) also called and said he’s furious that she got herself arrested and he’s also mad because she admitted to mouthing off to the store people who apprehended her, claiming she was in a bad mood. he told me straight up he wasn’t going to pay for her mistakes ( lawyer rates start at $350 an hour in our area) and that she was “ six feet under” as far as he was concerned. my current husband is also very annoyed and is not willing to pay. i work freelance as a graphic designer and haven’t been taking many jobs lately, so i can’t afford it on my small project earnings. i’m also mad that my daughter is blaming her anxiety on why she was belligerent to people who could have decided not to press charges. i doubt she’s going to spend any time in jail, so i told her that if she wanted a lawyer she was going to have to pay for it herself. she’s now angry at me, claiming that high school is a full time job. aita? our part of town is one where everybody seems to know everybody else’s business and i’m pretty sure everybody we know probably will hear about this. i’m sick of her making mistakes that affect all of us and still expecting us to be responsible for her. [/INST] nta, but you should fully expect this to fuck up your kids life if you don’t help her get a decent lawyer. colleges don’t love applicants with criminal records. also, your daughter was shoplifting. you need to know that. she didn’t forget to pay. </s>
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AITA for demanding a woman to pick her dog's shit off my lawn.
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just like the title says. so i'm walking to my car for work and out of the corner of my eye i see a woman coming down the street with her german shepherd. nothing weird, nothing new. it didn't bother me, people walk their dogs all the time.
so, i get to my car and just sit for a bit to warm up. while i do this, i see the woman has reached my yard and for some reason she stopped. i didn't think to much of it and just assumed she was on her phone, but she was just there standing for too long so i just waited in my car for a bit longer, wanting to make sure she wouldn't try anything weird.
soon she walks off and i'm like, okay everything's fine. i start the car and i start to pull out, but suddenly i see a pile of shit on my yard. honestly i was stunned. i get doing it in random bushes, but on someone's lawn??? that's so disrespectful in my opinion. so, i lean out of my car and call out for her (she wasn't far) and i'm like "excuse me!"
she turns around all confused and i just look at the shit and back at her saying, "are you going to pick that up?"
she laughed and tried to play it off saying "oh i didn't know" but i didn't believe that shit for a second. i just remained silent and she just kept staring as if she didn't know what i had ask her. so i repeated "are you going to pick that up?"
her little excuse was that she didn't have a bag so i pulled one out (i always have them from the grocery store) and just held it out for her. the look she gave me was comical, as if she was upset that i was asking her to pick shit up from my lawn?
i don't know, this really bugged me. is it so hard to do it? if so, don't be surprised if people call you out on it.
| 925 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kawjm5/aita_for_demanding_a_woman_to_pick_her_dogs_shit/
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2020-12-11 05:23:30
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nta.
any responsible dog owner will carry waste bags to pick up after their dog. hell, they make some small bag dispensers that clip to a leash. i’m not a dog owner, and even i know this. she knew exactly what she was doing.
if you want to be petty next time, pick it up and bring the filled bag to her house, letting her know she dropped something on your lawn.
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nta
and pretty darned nice of you to provide a baggy for her. although i am sad to imagine that being the type to not bother to carry a bag when walking a dog, she may have just dropped litter on someone else's property.
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i had a neighbor that refused to clean up after their dog. we had words many times. one day nice as can be i offered to pick it up for him. he laughed and walked away. i cleaned it up walked to his car called out to him and let him watch me smear it all over his windshield.
i let him know that i would return his crap to him this way from now on. i never saw his dog crap again.
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nta you’re fucking awesome
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nta
get dog lawn mace, it's a safe thing you can dump in your grass that discourages dogs using your yard for a push.
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nta. i once forgot to bring a bag, went home and walked back 6 blocks to pick the shit up, feeling horrible the entire time. it’s what responsible dog owners do. pick up the doo.
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preface, i didnt read your post.
nta. your question answers itself. it's not your dog, but it is your lawn. it's the woman's responsibility to pick up after her own dog's shit.
my uncle had this problem once... or twice... or a few dozen times. he put bacon grease on the dog poop. the next time the lady walked her dog, the dog ate it's own poop. the lady lost it and never walked in front of his house ever again.
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nta.
i will admit to *occasionally* allowing my dog to poop on someone’s lawn. i don’t have a yard and sometimes the sidewalk planters nearby are glass-strewn or tiny. and frankly sometimes they go when you weren’t expecting it. but when i (rarely) do i restrict it to, like, un-manicured side lawns and always, always pick it up in full.
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nta. i can't imagine having a dog and not bringing bags with on walks. they make the bag dispensed that attack to leashes pretty cheap and i think everyone has spare plastic shopping bags at home.
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nta!!!
i am legally blind and have a guide dog. i use an elbow crutch. i literally do not have a free hand and can't bend easily/without pain. if my guide dog happens to relieve while we're out i clean it up, as does every other guide handler i know. if people who are blind and/or broken can manage it... irresponsible dog owners are the worst. absolutely call her out on it.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: just like the title says. so i'm walking to my car for work and out of the corner of my eye i see a woman coming down the street with her german shepherd. nothing weird, nothing new. it didn't bother me, people walk their dogs all the time. so, i get to my car and just sit for a bit to warm up. while i do this, i see the woman has reached my yard and for some reason she stopped. i didn't think to much of it and just assumed she was on her phone, but she was just there standing for too long so i just waited in my car for a bit longer, wanting to make sure she wouldn't try anything weird. soon she walks off and i'm like, okay everything's fine. i start the car and i start to pull out, but suddenly i see a pile of shit on my yard. honestly i was stunned. i get doing it in random bushes, but on someone's lawn??? that's so disrespectful in my opinion. so, i lean out of my car and call out for her (she wasn't far) and i'm like "excuse me!" she turns around all confused and i just look at the shit and back at her saying, "are you going to pick that up?" she laughed and tried to play it off saying "oh i didn't know" but i didn't believe that shit for a second. i just remained silent and she just kept staring as if she didn't know what i had ask her. so i repeated "are you going to pick that up?" her little excuse was that she didn't have a bag so i pulled one out (i always have them from the grocery store) and just held it out for her. the look she gave me was comical, as if she was upset that i was asking her to pick shit up from my lawn? i don't know, this really bugged me. is it so hard to do it? if so, don't be surprised if people call you out on it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
just like the title says. so i'm walking to my car for work and out of the corner of my eye i see a woman coming down the street with her german shepherd. nothing weird, nothing new. it didn't bother me, people walk their dogs all the time. so, i get to my car and just sit for a bit to warm up. while i do this, i see the woman has reached my yard and for some reason she stopped. i didn't think to much of it and just assumed she was on her phone, but she was just there standing for too long so i just waited in my car for a bit longer, wanting to make sure she wouldn't try anything weird. soon she walks off and i'm like, okay everything's fine. i start the car and i start to pull out, but suddenly i see a pile of shit on my yard. honestly i was stunned. i get doing it in random bushes, but on someone's lawn??? that's so disrespectful in my opinion. so, i lean out of my car and call out for her (she wasn't far) and i'm like "excuse me!" she turns around all confused and i just look at the shit and back at her saying, "are you going to pick that up?" she laughed and tried to play it off saying "oh i didn't know" but i didn't believe that shit for a second. i just remained silent and she just kept staring as if she didn't know what i had ask her. so i repeated "are you going to pick that up?" her little excuse was that she didn't have a bag so i pulled one out (i always have them from the grocery store) and just held it out for her. the look she gave me was comical, as if she was upset that i was asking her to pick shit up from my lawn? i don't know, this really bugged me. is it so hard to do it? if so, don't be surprised if people call you out on it. [/INST] nta. any responsible dog owner will carry waste bags to pick up after their dog. hell, they make some small bag dispensers that clip to a leash. i’m not a dog owner, and even i know this. she knew exactly what she was doing. if you want to be petty next time, pick it up and bring the filled bag to her house, letting her know she dropped something on your lawn. </s>
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AITA For refusing to give my landlord's wife money when she was begging me?
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im20 rent from a hispanic couple in their 30s i guess. my current situation is very bad especially money wise. i pay for my college myself and work is too much still i can not afford to pay rent and i struggled so much to find the cheapest place to rent.
i met "rodrigo" who's my landlord and i've been renting a room for about 3 months. he made it perfectly clear that every month when my rent is due i directly pay to him. (i pay in cash) i of course agreed since this is a basic rule with tenants/landlord agreements.
but i found out why he insisted that i pay him directly. his wife would come to me on random days of the week telling me to give her xyz money now so at the end of the month i pay less.
for example if i gave her 50$. then i only have to pay 100 at the end of the month (total is 150) for example.
i gave her the money but that got me in huge trouble.
rodrigo did not like it and he warned me to not continue to give his wife any money no matter what she says because i'll still have to pay rent in full at the end of the month.
i said okay i'll stop but yesterday she was at my door asking me to give her money because she needed it for an emergency. i told her what rodrigo said and she said she'll talk to him later and this was an emergency. i felt uneasy so i told her to wait so i can call rodrigo but he didn't pick up. she stood outside yelling after i said sorry i won't give her any money. she insisted that it was an emergency and was begging me but i refused.
in the evening, rodrigo came to talk to me and he was pretty pissed saying his wife had an emergency and needed money and i should've given it to her. i argued with him about his rule of only giving the money to him but he argued back that it was an emergency but didn't say what it was. i loudly told him that he was being a hypocrite and this is not how it supposed to work. he reminded me of how generous he was with the amount of money i pay and dared me to find a cheaper place to rent which is true. i have my reasons for not being able to move out and one of them is money.
he told me that i should've given his wife the money since it was an emergency and i told him i was sorry but i didn't know. the argument got resolved but then again. he told me not to give his wife any money if she asks from now on since the issue was resolved. i was confused. dude like what?.
i'm at a loss and think that i was ta for not giving her the money since there was an emergency but now he's telling me to not give her money when she asks.
aita? or is he!?
| 1,373 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nbqrgl/aita_for_refusing_to_give_my_landlords_wife_money/
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2021-05-13 20:36:23
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nta, next time there's an emergency just say "sorry, broke til payday" and then that's the end of it. your landlords sound like shit lords
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nta
i understand your situation means you are stuck here but i can't see this situation getting better.
try and ask that he puts it in writing and gives you receipts for the rent when paid.
next time she asks tell her you have no money or could husband call you to tell you what to do.
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he told you not to give his wife any money, and then got pissed when you didn't give his wife any money? nta
and, i don't know where you live op, but if it's in the us do some looking into your state & local tenancy laws. the wife trying to demand money from you at a time other than the due date sounds like it could be considered breach of contract by the landlord. if they take any action against you (raising your rent or changing the due date without notice, refusing to make repairs, etc) for not giving them this money make sure you document everything and always save written communication from them. could save your bacon if their shenanigans ever wind up causing you to have to appear in court.
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this is a scam!!!
op. he is making you agree not to pay the wife because you will have to pay in full at the end of the month.
the wife then comes begging for money. she says it will come off the total, it’s a real emergency, blah blah blah. you refuse because you remember what the landlord says.
he is mad at you for not giving the wife money. it was a real emergency, you should give money for real emergencies. but insists still it will not come off the total from now on...
she is not crazy. they are not desperate. this is a scam.
he was mad because he wanted to come home to his wife having been given the $50, so he could say ‘op! i told you not to pay my wife! you still owe me rent!’ and they could pocket your rent + $50.
he’s then told you to always pay an emergency, but has a verbal agreement that you should not pay his wife. he’s doubled down to try and force you into the scam he set up.
nta but be wary because these people are going to keep trying to extort you.
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nta
&#x200b;
he literally has no reason to be mad at you. you were doing your best to be a good tenant.
&#x200b;
it sounds like his wife is crazy and he's enabling that behavior. it is unfair and unreasonable to you, the tenant, to have to deal with their marriage dynamics - no matter how low your rent is.
&#x200b;
also - your obligation is to pay your rent on time. your obligation is *not* to give them money throughout the month whenever they feel like asking you for it. he would still be ta even if he picked up and said "yes - give her the money"
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nta, i think maybe they're trying to scam you. get you to give her money now, and still owe the whole rent at the end of the month? no way.
if she asks again, tell her you do not keep cash on hand, and only get it at the end of the month for rent. i'd also see if there's a way to record the rent payments, with some kind of receipt or acknowledgement from them, keeping track of what you have paid.
and in the meantime, start looking for a new place!
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mta. but why was it necessary to mention that the landlord and his wife are hispanic? that was not relevant.
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nta, hopefully you can find new affordable accommodations soon, they sound crazzzzzzy
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nta that’s crazy! how were you supposed to know after the last incident! if you have a written agreement with the date and someone comes to you early just default back to the contract. if not i’d get something either in text or paper saying that this is the date you’re going to pay, not before period.
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nta.
do you have a signed rental agreement? you should be paying rent once a month on the designated day only. i realize they are giving you a "good deal" but it honestly sounds like they're trying to take advantage of you. i recommend you start looking for an apartment/room elsewhere.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: im20 rent from a hispanic couple in their 30s i guess. my current situation is very bad especially money wise. i pay for my college myself and work is too much still i can not afford to pay rent and i struggled so much to find the cheapest place to rent. i met "rodrigo" who's my landlord and i've been renting a room for about 3 months. he made it perfectly clear that every month when my rent is due i directly pay to him. (i pay in cash) i of course agreed since this is a basic rule with tenants/landlord agreements. but i found out why he insisted that i pay him directly. his wife would come to me on random days of the week telling me to give her xyz money now so at the end of the month i pay less. for example if i gave her 50$. then i only have to pay 100 at the end of the month (total is 150) for example. i gave her the money but that got me in huge trouble. rodrigo did not like it and he warned me to not continue to give his wife any money no matter what she says because i'll still have to pay rent in full at the end of the month. i said okay i'll stop but yesterday she was at my door asking me to give her money because she needed it for an emergency. i told her what rodrigo said and she said she'll talk to him later and this was an emergency. i felt uneasy so i told her to wait so i can call rodrigo but he didn't pick up. she stood outside yelling after i said sorry i won't give her any money. she insisted that it was an emergency and was begging me but i refused. in the evening, rodrigo came to talk to me and he was pretty pissed saying his wife had an emergency and needed money and i should've given it to her. i argued with him about his rule of only giving the money to him but he argued back that it was an emergency but didn't say what it was. i loudly told him that he was being a hypocrite and this is not how it supposed to work. he reminded me of how generous he was with the amount of money i pay and dared me to find a cheaper place to rent which is true. i have my reasons for not being able to move out and one of them is money. he told me that i should've given his wife the money since it was an emergency and i told him i was sorry but i didn't know. the argument got resolved but then again. he told me not to give his wife any money if she asks from now on since the issue was resolved. i was confused. dude like what?. i'm at a loss and think that i was ta for not giving her the money since there was an emergency but now he's telling me to not give her money when she asks. aita? or is he!?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
im20 rent from a hispanic couple in their 30s i guess. my current situation is very bad especially money wise. i pay for my college myself and work is too much still i can not afford to pay rent and i struggled so much to find the cheapest place to rent. i met "rodrigo" who's my landlord and i've been renting a room for about 3 months. he made it perfectly clear that every month when my rent is due i directly pay to him. (i pay in cash) i of course agreed since this is a basic rule with tenants/landlord agreements. but i found out why he insisted that i pay him directly. his wife would come to me on random days of the week telling me to give her xyz money now so at the end of the month i pay less. for example if i gave her 50$. then i only have to pay 100 at the end of the month (total is 150) for example. i gave her the money but that got me in huge trouble. rodrigo did not like it and he warned me to not continue to give his wife any money no matter what she says because i'll still have to pay rent in full at the end of the month. i said okay i'll stop but yesterday she was at my door asking me to give her money because she needed it for an emergency. i told her what rodrigo said and she said she'll talk to him later and this was an emergency. i felt uneasy so i told her to wait so i can call rodrigo but he didn't pick up. she stood outside yelling after i said sorry i won't give her any money. she insisted that it was an emergency and was begging me but i refused. in the evening, rodrigo came to talk to me and he was pretty pissed saying his wife had an emergency and needed money and i should've given it to her. i argued with him about his rule of only giving the money to him but he argued back that it was an emergency but didn't say what it was. i loudly told him that he was being a hypocrite and this is not how it supposed to work. he reminded me of how generous he was with the amount of money i pay and dared me to find a cheaper place to rent which is true. i have my reasons for not being able to move out and one of them is money. he told me that i should've given his wife the money since it was an emergency and i told him i was sorry but i didn't know. the argument got resolved but then again. he told me not to give his wife any money if she asks from now on since the issue was resolved. i was confused. dude like what?. i'm at a loss and think that i was ta for not giving her the money since there was an emergency but now he's telling me to not give her money when she asks. aita? or is he!? [/INST] nta, next time there's an emergency just say "sorry, broke til payday" and then that's the end of it. your landlords sound like shit lords </s>
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AITA for bailing on my bf while the house is under construction?
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we're in our early 30s, and we've been dating for 3 years. i moved in in nov. we have a leasing agreement that establishes that i'm a tenant and he's ll, which specifically states that renovations and maintenance are his responsibility- he has a crazy ex that attempted to sue him for the deed on similar grounds, and he's a little paranoid of that ever happening again (went nowhere, but it was a lot of legal fees). he works outside of the house, i'm home all day looking for a job, doing an online cert program in my field, and driving for doordash when i can.
there's been some issues with the septic that require digging up the backyard completely... there's been a rash of additional issues, and a 2-day estimate has turned into a "we're going to try to have this done by hopefully next week". this means that:
a) no drains. we have to use the neighbors to shower and use the toilet.
b) no internet. the contractor accidentally clipped the cable yesterday.
c) construction noise from 7am to 7pm.
d) his previously indoor/outdoor animals (1 dog, 3 cats... used to use a dog door) are now trapped inside, destroying things because they are anxious about the people in the yard and the general inability to go outside.
e) neither of us are getting any sleep, because his animals still have lots of energy at 2am and keep jumping all over us/jingling all over the house (the cats have those anti-bird-murder bell collars).
yesterday, i hit the limit. i woke up to the sound of a backloader, went to the neighbor's to wash cat pee off of me (a cat somehow managed to pee *on* me in the two hours i did sleep), and came back to find that the dog had torn all of the stuffing out of the couch and won't be working on anything this week. this is after this weekend, when a cat ate my sweater, another knocked my laptop off a desk, and another peed in my hamper of clean laundry. a friend offered to let us stay with her until this is done, provided bf can relocate the animals (his dog and her dog don't get along), so i asked him about it.
bf was livid. he brought up that "he's totally fine on this little sleep" and "there's nothing \[i'm\] doing that i need to be awake for" and "need to have more emotional investment in the house and his pets if \[i'm\] going to be living here". i told him i was gong to at least take a nap before we reconvene (dog can go in her crate for a few hours, though it's not ideal), but woke up to a text telling me not to bother coming back until it's done, and bf was given permission to work from home until this is fixed (he can tether his laptop from his work phone).
friend said it was a jerk move to bail on him. i disagree because this isn't my house, they aren't my pets (all were adopted long before meeting me), and the contractor recommended we find a different place to live while this is going on. can't tell if i'm being an asshole about this.
| 655 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lg4qe9/aita_for_bailing_on_my_bf_while_the_house_is/
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2021-02-09 14:42:57
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nta. i’d be out of there too, the situation with the building work and animals sounds crazy. nobody wants to live in a construction zone when you can go elsewhere. your boyfriend and friend that called you a jerk are completely unreasonable here.
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nta - it’s crappy that he’s made it clear it’s his house and you rent from him but then says “you need to have more of an emotional investment in the house” which sounds like he’s trying to guilt trip you.
not cool.
also like... if he is fine with no showers, no flushing toilets and cat pee everywhere and no internet that’s fine for him... it doesn’t mean you have to be.
your friend even extended the offer to both of you. he should be thankful and instead he’s seeing it as a betrayal and making you out to be the bad buy cause you’re not “emotionally invested” enough.
like... any reasonable person would want to go stay with friends / family in that situation. he’s being ridiculous
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nta. if he wants to live in this madhouse, fine. he doesn't get to demand that you suffer alongside him when you have an alternative. and frankly, the fact that he can't seem to distinguish liking his pets from wanting them to be well-behaved (although to be fair, they're probably stressed out by all the chaos right now, too) should have you thinking long and hard about whether you should come back.
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nta
>the contractor recommended we find a different place to live while this is going on
you are not the ah for leaving! the person working on your house recommended that you do! no plumbing, no internet, animals tearing up furniture and peeing everywhere — it sounds chaotic and awful!
your boyfriend is being pigheaded as well as cheap (it’s in the best interest of the pets that he pays for them to kept elsewhere as being cooped up at home is causing them distress). it’s good that you have left. you are seeing what your bf is like under stress with the house and because he owns it, he feels it’s his way or the highway; he won’t listen to outside feedback and disregards your feelings. not cool.
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what a raging douche this guy is! how are you supposed to look for a job or do your online certification with no internet, next to no sleep and this level of disruption from contractors and his pets?! btw, he literally made you his tenant, meaning you have fewer rights than him around your shared space. yet he expects you to have an ‘emotional investment’ in his house and his pets? and he gets upset and insults you just because you stated that you need an absolute human minimum of rest, peace and quiet to pursue your own goals? this guy wants a house- and pet-sitter, not a girlfriend! if he is acting like such an a due to the sleep deprivation, that is one thing. but if he generally treats your needs and boundaries with so little respect, then maaaybe you should be staying at your friend’s for ‘a few more weeks’ (aka indefinitely). in any case please stay there long enough to recover from the hell you are describing in your post! nta
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nta. he's the homeowner, and made it clear that you have no skin in the game other than you giving him money for a house that you'll never own.
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you have the "emotional investment" of a tenant. as you bloody well should. he's been "burned" (yeah, right) so he wants to keep the house away from you? well, you're entitled to keep away from his house. and yes, don't bother. his mess is his responsibility.
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nta. as a tenant you have rights here and you have a right to have running water in your home. you also have the right to a peaceful environment. you signed an agreement, at this point he is in violation of that. if your boyfriend wants to stay there that is on him but you don’t have to.
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i know how it feels to be sleep deprived, how i can be foggy and emotional, my physical abilities like being able to hold something without dropping it go right out the window, things like driving seem terrifying and overall i feel like i shouldn't make big decisions and my perception of things is skewed. i am so sympathetic. i just very gently ask you to, when you've had a few good night's sleep, consider that your bf is trying to make you feel unreasonable about not wanting to live in a place with no working toilets or showers, where stressed out animals are peeing on you and your belongings, where you can't sleep or use the internet.
very gently: the things you want are more than normal: they're critical to your wellbeing and safety. the way your bf is trying to make you doubt yourself over wanting a toilet is. not. normal. it's not what a good guy does. further, as your landlord, asking you to live in these conditions is illegal. you do not ask someone you love to live without a toilet or shower when there are other options available. when you're able, please think long and hard about if you want someone like this. you might not go through another home remodel, but i promise that this lack of concern for your wellbeing is not a one-off. again: he's trying to make you feel unreasonable for wanting a toilet. this is how abuse begins.
nta.
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nta, after a few days of working from home your boyfriend will probably change his tune. it’s very reasonable to want to stay somewhere with internet, a working shower and toilets.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we're in our early 30s, and we've been dating for 3 years. i moved in in nov. we have a leasing agreement that establishes that i'm a tenant and he's ll, which specifically states that renovations and maintenance are his responsibility- he has a crazy ex that attempted to sue him for the deed on similar grounds, and he's a little paranoid of that ever happening again (went nowhere, but it was a lot of legal fees). he works outside of the house, i'm home all day looking for a job, doing an online cert program in my field, and driving for doordash when i can. there's been some issues with the septic that require digging up the backyard completely... there's been a rash of additional issues, and a 2-day estimate has turned into a "we're going to try to have this done by hopefully next week". this means that: a) no drains. we have to use the neighbors to shower and use the toilet. b) no internet. the contractor accidentally clipped the cable yesterday. c) construction noise from 7am to 7pm. d) his previously indoor/outdoor animals (1 dog, 3 cats... used to use a dog door) are now trapped inside, destroying things because they are anxious about the people in the yard and the general inability to go outside. e) neither of us are getting any sleep, because his animals still have lots of energy at 2am and keep jumping all over us/jingling all over the house (the cats have those anti-bird-murder bell collars). yesterday, i hit the limit. i woke up to the sound of a backloader, went to the neighbor's to wash cat pee off of me (a cat somehow managed to pee *on* me in the two hours i did sleep), and came back to find that the dog had torn all of the stuffing out of the couch and won't be working on anything this week. this is after this weekend, when a cat ate my sweater, another knocked my laptop off a desk, and another peed in my hamper of clean laundry. a friend offered to let us stay with her until this is done, provided bf can relocate the animals (his dog and her dog don't get along), so i asked him about it. bf was livid. he brought up that "he's totally fine on this little sleep" and "there's nothing \[i'm\] doing that i need to be awake for" and "need to have more emotional investment in the house and his pets if \[i'm\] going to be living here". i told him i was gong to at least take a nap before we reconvene (dog can go in her crate for a few hours, though it's not ideal), but woke up to a text telling me not to bother coming back until it's done, and bf was given permission to work from home until this is fixed (he can tether his laptop from his work phone). friend said it was a jerk move to bail on him. i disagree because this isn't my house, they aren't my pets (all were adopted long before meeting me), and the contractor recommended we find a different place to live while this is going on. can't tell if i'm being an asshole about this.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we're in our early 30s, and we've been dating for 3 years. i moved in in nov. we have a leasing agreement that establishes that i'm a tenant and he's ll, which specifically states that renovations and maintenance are his responsibility- he has a crazy ex that attempted to sue him for the deed on similar grounds, and he's a little paranoid of that ever happening again (went nowhere, but it was a lot of legal fees). he works outside of the house, i'm home all day looking for a job, doing an online cert program in my field, and driving for doordash when i can. there's been some issues with the septic that require digging up the backyard completely... there's been a rash of additional issues, and a 2-day estimate has turned into a "we're going to try to have this done by hopefully next week". this means that: a) no drains. we have to use the neighbors to shower and use the toilet. b) no internet. the contractor accidentally clipped the cable yesterday. c) construction noise from 7am to 7pm. d) his previously indoor/outdoor animals (1 dog, 3 cats... used to use a dog door) are now trapped inside, destroying things because they are anxious about the people in the yard and the general inability to go outside. e) neither of us are getting any sleep, because his animals still have lots of energy at 2am and keep jumping all over us/jingling all over the house (the cats have those anti-bird-murder bell collars). yesterday, i hit the limit. i woke up to the sound of a backloader, went to the neighbor's to wash cat pee off of me (a cat somehow managed to pee *on* me in the two hours i did sleep), and came back to find that the dog had torn all of the stuffing out of the couch and won't be working on anything this week. this is after this weekend, when a cat ate my sweater, another knocked my laptop off a desk, and another peed in my hamper of clean laundry. a friend offered to let us stay with her until this is done, provided bf can relocate the animals (his dog and her dog don't get along), so i asked him about it. bf was livid. he brought up that "he's totally fine on this little sleep" and "there's nothing \[i'm\] doing that i need to be awake for" and "need to have more emotional investment in the house and his pets if \[i'm\] going to be living here". i told him i was gong to at least take a nap before we reconvene (dog can go in her crate for a few hours, though it's not ideal), but woke up to a text telling me not to bother coming back until it's done, and bf was given permission to work from home until this is fixed (he can tether his laptop from his work phone). friend said it was a jerk move to bail on him. i disagree because this isn't my house, they aren't my pets (all were adopted long before meeting me), and the contractor recommended we find a different place to live while this is going on. can't tell if i'm being an asshole about this. [/INST] nta. i’d be out of there too, the situation with the building work and animals sounds crazy. nobody wants to live in a construction zone when you can go elsewhere. your boyfriend and friend that called you a jerk are completely unreasonable here. </s>
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AITA for calling my ex out after he told his new GF that I have an "obsession" with overweight guys?
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this is going to seem all over the place. i'm a first time poster. bare with me. so, i'm 27f, my ex is 26m and his current gf is 23. we split up 4 years ago and we have 2 kids together. my current boyfriend is slightly overweight and 27m.
anyways, my ex came over to pick the kids up for a visit 2 weeks ago. my bf was at work when he and his gf showed up. i get along with this woman really well and i'm actually the one who "hooked them up".
i dont know what started this conversation but he brought up the fact that over the course of the 7 years that we were together, when we would split up i would always run to an overweight guy. he then said "so clearly this time it is no different because she is obsessed with fat dudes." my ex is super scrawny. he weighs 110lbs at 6'1". my current boyfriend weighs 220lbs at 5'10". the guy he was referring to in the beginning was a good friend of mine who i actually never dated but since we hung out when my ex and i split, he automatically thought something was going on. my friend is slightly overweight.
as i said, he brought it up. i dont know why it was even mentioned but i do know that he holds some sort of resentment over my boyfriend for reasons unknown, which could have sparked this. so, i turned to his girlfriend and said "yes, i go for bigger guys because they dont try to limit my food intake and make me feel like me weighing 125lbs is me being fat. i also dont enjoy cuddling up with a 2x4 and walking up with bruises because their bones are protruding and sharp."
my ex instantly became offended and said something like "you didnt complain when we were together". so i told him "no, i didnt, because i wasnt about to body shame you. however, the fact that can openly body shame my bf who treats me like fucking gold unlike you did goes to prove that i shouldnt have shown you the luxery of not calling you out."
i didnt think that what i said was really all that bad at all but since then, his mother and his best friend have gotten ahold of me on facebook asking why i felt it was necessary to make him feel like shit for being under the weight he should be. they said i called him out on something beyond his control and that he cant gain weight, whereas my boyfriend can lose weight, which makes me an asshole apparently.
my friend (who was here when i happened) told me what i said was 100% justified but the others who know say i'm an ah and should have kept my mouth shut.
aita?
| 653 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iv67xa/aita_for_calling_my_ex_out_after_he_told_his_new/
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2020-09-18 13:37:43
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nta don’t dish it if you can’t take it
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[deleted]
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nta. he shouldn’t have been saying anything about anyone’s body, your past relationship, or anything else.
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your ex sounds like he needs to lay off the amphetamines. at 6'1 a healthy male is nearing 200 lbs, a weight as low as 110 can not be explained by a fast metabolism. just saying
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nta - completely uncalled for on his part especially if there's a history of body shaming there - you stood up for yourself most of all and you did it without insults not related to the situation he brought up. about all you can ask for
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info
is there evidence of your ex having an eating disorder? those stats are concerning. the fact that he also body shamed anybody bigger than him is a red flag as well.
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nta. you were sticking up for your bf. if your ex is happy to bitch about people behind their backs, he should be happy enough to take a bitching back.
also, why we even talking about people's bodies like it's anyone else's business? 🤦🏻♀️
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nta.
>110lbs at 6’1”
god damn.
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nta and honestly if that bit was true and not you just making it up combined with what you said bellow - keep a close on on your kids' weights and eating habits. especially if he hasn't gotten a handle on his shit(doesn't sound like it) then the projection won't stop at you. or his current gf.
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nta dont dish it out if you can’t take it back
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this is going to seem all over the place. i'm a first time poster. bare with me. so, i'm 27f, my ex is 26m and his current gf is 23. we split up 4 years ago and we have 2 kids together. my current boyfriend is slightly overweight and 27m. anyways, my ex came over to pick the kids up for a visit 2 weeks ago. my bf was at work when he and his gf showed up. i get along with this woman really well and i'm actually the one who "hooked them up". i dont know what started this conversation but he brought up the fact that over the course of the 7 years that we were together, when we would split up i would always run to an overweight guy. he then said "so clearly this time it is no different because she is obsessed with fat dudes." my ex is super scrawny. he weighs 110lbs at 6'1". my current boyfriend weighs 220lbs at 5'10". the guy he was referring to in the beginning was a good friend of mine who i actually never dated but since we hung out when my ex and i split, he automatically thought something was going on. my friend is slightly overweight. as i said, he brought it up. i dont know why it was even mentioned but i do know that he holds some sort of resentment over my boyfriend for reasons unknown, which could have sparked this. so, i turned to his girlfriend and said "yes, i go for bigger guys because they dont try to limit my food intake and make me feel like me weighing 125lbs is me being fat. i also dont enjoy cuddling up with a 2x4 and walking up with bruises because their bones are protruding and sharp." my ex instantly became offended and said something like "you didnt complain when we were together". so i told him "no, i didnt, because i wasnt about to body shame you. however, the fact that can openly body shame my bf who treats me like fucking gold unlike you did goes to prove that i shouldnt have shown you the luxery of not calling you out." i didnt think that what i said was really all that bad at all but since then, his mother and his best friend have gotten ahold of me on facebook asking why i felt it was necessary to make him feel like shit for being under the weight he should be. they said i called him out on something beyond his control and that he cant gain weight, whereas my boyfriend can lose weight, which makes me an asshole apparently. my friend (who was here when i happened) told me what i said was 100% justified but the others who know say i'm an ah and should have kept my mouth shut. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this is going to seem all over the place. i'm a first time poster. bare with me. so, i'm 27f, my ex is 26m and his current gf is 23. we split up 4 years ago and we have 2 kids together. my current boyfriend is slightly overweight and 27m. anyways, my ex came over to pick the kids up for a visit 2 weeks ago. my bf was at work when he and his gf showed up. i get along with this woman really well and i'm actually the one who "hooked them up". i dont know what started this conversation but he brought up the fact that over the course of the 7 years that we were together, when we would split up i would always run to an overweight guy. he then said "so clearly this time it is no different because she is obsessed with fat dudes." my ex is super scrawny. he weighs 110lbs at 6'1". my current boyfriend weighs 220lbs at 5'10". the guy he was referring to in the beginning was a good friend of mine who i actually never dated but since we hung out when my ex and i split, he automatically thought something was going on. my friend is slightly overweight. as i said, he brought it up. i dont know why it was even mentioned but i do know that he holds some sort of resentment over my boyfriend for reasons unknown, which could have sparked this. so, i turned to his girlfriend and said "yes, i go for bigger guys because they dont try to limit my food intake and make me feel like me weighing 125lbs is me being fat. i also dont enjoy cuddling up with a 2x4 and walking up with bruises because their bones are protruding and sharp." my ex instantly became offended and said something like "you didnt complain when we were together". so i told him "no, i didnt, because i wasnt about to body shame you. however, the fact that can openly body shame my bf who treats me like fucking gold unlike you did goes to prove that i shouldnt have shown you the luxery of not calling you out." i didnt think that what i said was really all that bad at all but since then, his mother and his best friend have gotten ahold of me on facebook asking why i felt it was necessary to make him feel like shit for being under the weight he should be. they said i called him out on something beyond his control and that he cant gain weight, whereas my boyfriend can lose weight, which makes me an asshole apparently. my friend (who was here when i happened) told me what i said was 100% justified but the others who know say i'm an ah and should have kept my mouth shut. aita? [/INST] nta don’t dish it if you can’t take it </s>
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AITA because I do not want to go on holiday with my MIL because I do not forgive her for the past?
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me and my husband have been together since we were children. when he was young (legally a child/ under 18) he was in a life changing accident and due to this, he lost his apprenticeship with a world famous company. the month he got his last pay check from his work his mother kicked him out. this women was a terrible mother, neglectful (leaving him to get himself and his younger siblings ready for school most mornings because she was too drunk to get up) abusive (physical and emotional) and an alcoholic. she lived in a 4 bedroom house and 3 kids. she had the room for him. she left him sofa surfing for weeks (my family took him in some nights but i found out years later that he felt awful for letting my family do that and spend any weeks sleeping outside).
because of his age he was lucky and got a spot in social housing after 3 months of sleeping rough and worked his way up through and out that system. i won't go into how bad that was, as it was just awful. but doing all this while with a physical disability and ptsd.
we found out later that the reason she kicked him out was she could make money renting out his room to foreign exchange students. bare in mind this women has barely worked in her life (because of her disabilities / all fake) and gets housing and living benefits from the government so it's highly illegal to earn money from renting out the house she does not own.
some years have past, he has made almost 100% recovery and we are very happy now. my husband has forgiven her. i can not forgive her. i understand and accept that my husband has forgiven her and wants a relationship but for me i just can't. my personal issue is not that she kicked him out but that she failed at her job as a mother which put so much pressure on me as a child to look after the wellbeing of my boyfriend of 3 years at the time. it was hard because his mental health was so awful. i feel like i had to be his mother, sister, family, friend, girlfriend, and that was so hard on us as a couple.
we are going on holiday soon, and i have made myself clear i don't want her to come on holiday with us but my husband says he still wants her to come. aita for not forgiving her even though he has? aita for asking him to uninvite her?
| 1,129 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p639ds/aita_because_i_do_not_want_to_go_on_holiday_with/
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2021-08-17 12:57:53
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nta. it’s your holiday, too. he can have a relationship with his mother that is in no way involves you. he has no right to force her on you after what she’s done.
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nta. tell him to have fun and stay home. or take a separate trip alone or w friends.
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nta
my wife had to make similar decisions. my mother was akin to your mil minus the drinking but everything else is pretty much spot on.
needless to say my wife hates her and never talks to her. that’s her choice. your husband needs to come to his own conclusion.
i eventually cut my mom off and it has been one of the best decisions i could make as an adult.
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nta
but if your husband wants her to go and has asked her,she seems like the sort of person to stir drama if she finds out you dont want her there so watch your self
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nta. it is not seeing each other occasionally to family gatherings. joined vacations can be stressful and there is no escape if the things go south. perhaps this woman changed, but there is no sign of it in your story. children often forgive their parents for whatever reasons. but your feelings are legit and there is a real danger of escalating things on vacations.
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nta and your husband is being unreasonable to expect to take his mother in holiday with you.
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nta. has mil made changes? has she stopped drinking? has she made amends, or tried to? or is dh's forgiveness more an expression of his wish that things had been/were different?
it's your vacation too. idt i would be willing to share it with her.
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therapy. and r/justnomil are good places to start.
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nta but this is going to be a long term issue so you and your husband need to address it fully
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me and my husband have been together since we were children. when he was young (legally a child/ under 18) he was in a life changing accident and due to this, he lost his apprenticeship with a world famous company. the month he got his last pay check from his work his mother kicked him out. this women was a terrible mother, neglectful (leaving him to get himself and his younger siblings ready for school most mornings because she was too drunk to get up) abusive (physical and emotional) and an alcoholic. she lived in a 4 bedroom house and 3 kids. she had the room for him. she left him sofa surfing for weeks (my family took him in some nights but i found out years later that he felt awful for letting my family do that and spend any weeks sleeping outside). because of his age he was lucky and got a spot in social housing after 3 months of sleeping rough and worked his way up through and out that system. i won't go into how bad that was, as it was just awful. but doing all this while with a physical disability and ptsd. we found out later that the reason she kicked him out was she could make money renting out his room to foreign exchange students. bare in mind this women has barely worked in her life (because of her disabilities / all fake) and gets housing and living benefits from the government so it's highly illegal to earn money from renting out the house she does not own. some years have past, he has made almost 100% recovery and we are very happy now. my husband has forgiven her. i can not forgive her. i understand and accept that my husband has forgiven her and wants a relationship but for me i just can't. my personal issue is not that she kicked him out but that she failed at her job as a mother which put so much pressure on me as a child to look after the wellbeing of my boyfriend of 3 years at the time. it was hard because his mental health was so awful. i feel like i had to be his mother, sister, family, friend, girlfriend, and that was so hard on us as a couple. we are going on holiday soon, and i have made myself clear i don't want her to come on holiday with us but my husband says he still wants her to come. aita for not forgiving her even though he has? aita for asking him to uninvite her?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me and my husband have been together since we were children. when he was young (legally a child/ under 18) he was in a life changing accident and due to this, he lost his apprenticeship with a world famous company. the month he got his last pay check from his work his mother kicked him out. this women was a terrible mother, neglectful (leaving him to get himself and his younger siblings ready for school most mornings because she was too drunk to get up) abusive (physical and emotional) and an alcoholic. she lived in a 4 bedroom house and 3 kids. she had the room for him. she left him sofa surfing for weeks (my family took him in some nights but i found out years later that he felt awful for letting my family do that and spend any weeks sleeping outside). because of his age he was lucky and got a spot in social housing after 3 months of sleeping rough and worked his way up through and out that system. i won't go into how bad that was, as it was just awful. but doing all this while with a physical disability and ptsd. we found out later that the reason she kicked him out was she could make money renting out his room to foreign exchange students. bare in mind this women has barely worked in her life (because of her disabilities / all fake) and gets housing and living benefits from the government so it's highly illegal to earn money from renting out the house she does not own. some years have past, he has made almost 100% recovery and we are very happy now. my husband has forgiven her. i can not forgive her. i understand and accept that my husband has forgiven her and wants a relationship but for me i just can't. my personal issue is not that she kicked him out but that she failed at her job as a mother which put so much pressure on me as a child to look after the wellbeing of my boyfriend of 3 years at the time. it was hard because his mental health was so awful. i feel like i had to be his mother, sister, family, friend, girlfriend, and that was so hard on us as a couple. we are going on holiday soon, and i have made myself clear i don't want her to come on holiday with us but my husband says he still wants her to come. aita for not forgiving her even though he has? aita for asking him to uninvite her? [/INST] nta. it’s your holiday, too. he can have a relationship with his mother that is in no way involves you. he has no right to force her on you after what she’s done. </s>
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WIBTA for calling out therapist
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so i have therapy through betterhelp. i do phone sessions every week for an hour. my therapist has been eating during our sessions. i can clearly tell she’s chewing over the phone. she will talk as she’s eating and it is a super distraction for me. i feel like it is a distraction for her too honestly. i thought maybe she just doesn’t have time and is super busy and booked. how rude of me for getting upset at someone for trying to squeeze a meal in! well then i got super annoyed. it happened to be easter and i said “oh it’s 3 o clock i hope i’m your last client and you get to enjoy the rest of the day with family” she says as shes eating “oh you’re my first client of the day”. so you had all freaking day to eat and you wait until you’re in a session?! so wibta if i said something? should i just switch therapists? am i being overly dramatic about this?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mmaeg6/wibta_for_calling_out_therapist/
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2021-04-07 19:52:27
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nta call her out what she's doing is unprofessional. if she tries to justify it tell her so. if she continues look for a different therapists. this hour is your time and you should feel comfortable and listened to.
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nta. you should say something.
you’re paying for their time and their focus should be on you. if these sessions were in person i can’t imagine they would sit their eating a sandwich in front of you.
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nah. betterhelp therapists are super hit or miss. i loved my therapist but then my husband tried it for another topic and his first assigned therapist was just kind of overall bad and not working. he felt really bad for requesting another but i eventually convinced him to and he loved his next one! unless you’re making amazing progress with the actual style and content of your sessions i’d recommend switching. you don’t even have to tell the current therapist, that’s a perk of betterhelp. i hope you find someone who works for you. you’re paying a lot and deserve someone who you love and really helps you!
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nta, thats super unprofessional. she needs to take better care of her time, and also talking while shes chewing?! thats rude for anybody. deffinatly call her out.
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nta if she can eat while she works and you don’t notice great but noticeably chewing while she’s talking blech 🤢
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nta talk about unprofessional behavior
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nta you're paying for her time. obviously don't be rude when you bring it up but that's super unprofessional. also on a side note i remember a few years back there was a scandal with better help not actually having licensed therapists i assume that changed but it made me distrustful of the company.
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just get a different therapist.
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i have therapy through betterhelp. i do phone sessions every week for an hour. my therapist has been eating during our sessions. i can clearly tell she’s chewing over the phone. she will talk as she’s eating and it is a super distraction for me. i feel like it is a distraction for her too honestly. i thought maybe she just doesn’t have time and is super busy and booked. how rude of me for getting upset at someone for trying to squeeze a meal in! well then i got super annoyed. it happened to be easter and i said “oh it’s 3 o clock i hope i’m your last client and you get to enjoy the rest of the day with family” she says as shes eating “oh you’re my first client of the day”. so you had all freaking day to eat and you wait until you’re in a session?! so wibta if i said something? should i just switch therapists? am i being overly dramatic about this?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i have therapy through betterhelp. i do phone sessions every week for an hour. my therapist has been eating during our sessions. i can clearly tell she’s chewing over the phone. she will talk as she’s eating and it is a super distraction for me. i feel like it is a distraction for her too honestly. i thought maybe she just doesn’t have time and is super busy and booked. how rude of me for getting upset at someone for trying to squeeze a meal in! well then i got super annoyed. it happened to be easter and i said “oh it’s 3 o clock i hope i’m your last client and you get to enjoy the rest of the day with family” she says as shes eating “oh you’re my first client of the day”. so you had all freaking day to eat and you wait until you’re in a session?! so wibta if i said something? should i just switch therapists? am i being overly dramatic about this? [/INST] nta call her out what she's doing is unprofessional. if she tries to justify it tell her so. if she continues look for a different therapists. this hour is your time and you should feel comfortable and listened to. </s>
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AITA for 'bailing" on my sister?
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so, a little backstory.. i (22f) have been working since i was 14 and living out of home since i was 16, i stopped working last year due to some personal issues and being in a toxic work environment, which my whole family was aware of and the personal issues were serious, not something easily fixed.
my sister (16) has only gotten her first job in the last year and is still living at home paying no board. since shes not 18 she asked me if i would consider putting a phone for her on my phone plan, which i said was fine and i did it.
with covid, not working, my issues, xmas, my 22nd bday and a suprise 2k vet bill, you can imagine financially i am struggling, and by god i've applied for so many jobs its just frustrating lmao
anyways on 3 occasions in a row my sister has said 'yeah i'll pay you on this date' and then not come through or give me any updates about her not doing that.
the most recent was about a week ago, where she said she would pay me on the 7th, and to that i said it was fine. because she said she was gonna pay me, i put what i had left on the phone bill to just get ahead, which left me with less for my food shopping
and i know i could've just waited until she paid me to pay the phone bill but i was tryna be smart yanno?
so i messaged her today as she hadnt said a word since telling me she'd paid me and her response was 'yeah i just kept it' to which i was like '?!?!?!'
we then got into an argument about how she kinda screwed me over and if she had communicated with me, itd be fine. she didnt apologise once infact she told me to 'get a damn job'
due to this i cancelled the phone plan, is only a month to month so there was no cancellation fees. but now shes pissy bc as of next month (cancellation isnt immediate) shes gonna be left without data and texting, but if shes gonna be like this idk why i should be expected to help her.
so yeah, i may have over reacted a little bit but idk, aita?
| 542 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kx148b/aita_for_bailing_on_my_sister/
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2021-01-14 07:42:12
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nta, you can't not pay your bill and expect to keep your service. that's not how that works and you aren't her parent, so you have absolutely no obligation to pay for anything for her.
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nta. she should have forked over the cash. can’t be that hard.
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yeah definitely nta. she should try opening her own phone plan and not paying the company, they'll cancel her plan and ruin her credit. the entitlement like wtf. and telling you to get a job like there isnt a pandemic going on?
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a little confused-- when did you put her on your plan, how much did she cost additionally per month, and how long has she stiff-armed you about payment?
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nta but please start using punctuation. this was barely possible to read.
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nta. as a matter of fact you are being too nice since she still owes you for the months that she’s missed if i understand you correctly. i would send her the invoice for what she owes in back payments.
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nta. also, you’re not “bailing” on her. you’ve literally given her months to get her act together and pay you. she’s taking advantage of your generosity and reeks of entitlement.
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cut her off. if it makes you feel better, you’re helping her in the long run. you aren’t enabling her and letting her get away with bullshit. i’m also around your age and taking on life’s responsibilities is rough. i wish you the best of luck.
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nta
you had an agreement that she would pay you back. she didn't, so you cancelled.
side note: you had an agreement that was not legally binding, as she's a minor. that's part of the reason why she can't get a plan herself with the company. so let her be annoyed. she will learn the hard way not to mess up other people's credit. get your parents/whoever has parental responsability get her the phone plan.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, a little backstory.. i (22f) have been working since i was 14 and living out of home since i was 16, i stopped working last year due to some personal issues and being in a toxic work environment, which my whole family was aware of and the personal issues were serious, not something easily fixed. my sister (16) has only gotten her first job in the last year and is still living at home paying no board. since shes not 18 she asked me if i would consider putting a phone for her on my phone plan, which i said was fine and i did it. with covid, not working, my issues, xmas, my 22nd bday and a suprise 2k vet bill, you can imagine financially i am struggling, and by god i've applied for so many jobs its just frustrating lmao anyways on 3 occasions in a row my sister has said 'yeah i'll pay you on this date' and then not come through or give me any updates about her not doing that. the most recent was about a week ago, where she said she would pay me on the 7th, and to that i said it was fine. because she said she was gonna pay me, i put what i had left on the phone bill to just get ahead, which left me with less for my food shopping and i know i could've just waited until she paid me to pay the phone bill but i was tryna be smart yanno? so i messaged her today as she hadnt said a word since telling me she'd paid me and her response was 'yeah i just kept it' to which i was like '?!?!?!' we then got into an argument about how she kinda screwed me over and if she had communicated with me, itd be fine. she didnt apologise once infact she told me to 'get a damn job' due to this i cancelled the phone plan, is only a month to month so there was no cancellation fees. but now shes pissy bc as of next month (cancellation isnt immediate) shes gonna be left without data and texting, but if shes gonna be like this idk why i should be expected to help her. so yeah, i may have over reacted a little bit but idk, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so, a little backstory.. i (22f) have been working since i was 14 and living out of home since i was 16, i stopped working last year due to some personal issues and being in a toxic work environment, which my whole family was aware of and the personal issues were serious, not something easily fixed. my sister (16) has only gotten her first job in the last year and is still living at home paying no board. since shes not 18 she asked me if i would consider putting a phone for her on my phone plan, which i said was fine and i did it. with covid, not working, my issues, xmas, my 22nd bday and a suprise 2k vet bill, you can imagine financially i am struggling, and by god i've applied for so many jobs its just frustrating lmao anyways on 3 occasions in a row my sister has said 'yeah i'll pay you on this date' and then not come through or give me any updates about her not doing that. the most recent was about a week ago, where she said she would pay me on the 7th, and to that i said it was fine. because she said she was gonna pay me, i put what i had left on the phone bill to just get ahead, which left me with less for my food shopping and i know i could've just waited until she paid me to pay the phone bill but i was tryna be smart yanno? so i messaged her today as she hadnt said a word since telling me she'd paid me and her response was 'yeah i just kept it' to which i was like '?!?!?!' we then got into an argument about how she kinda screwed me over and if she had communicated with me, itd be fine. she didnt apologise once infact she told me to 'get a damn job' due to this i cancelled the phone plan, is only a month to month so there was no cancellation fees. but now shes pissy bc as of next month (cancellation isnt immediate) shes gonna be left without data and texting, but if shes gonna be like this idk why i should be expected to help her. so yeah, i may have over reacted a little bit but idk, aita? [/INST] nta, you can't not pay your bill and expect to keep your service. that's not how that works and you aren't her parent, so you have absolutely no obligation to pay for anything for her. </s>
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AITA for refusing to answer my mom's calls after finding out I was having a miscarriage
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at my ultrasound i found out my baby no longer has a heartbeat, and had stopped growing. the only plan from there was to check again in a week to make a final decision on surgery and a care plan. i was feeling really sad but also angry to have to wait a week, so i just kind of went silent and zoned out. i forgot my phone was on silent anyway. my boyfriend was at this ultrasound with me and he was able to handle the rest of what was needed at the appointment.
my mom knew the appointment time, as well. she and i live in the same city and i work for her company, so we speak every day. we have a mostly good relationship. however, i am generally skeptical of what/how/when i tell her anything at all because she has always been dramatic with "big" reactions. i am an emotionally private person, so this part of her has always made my blood boil. additionally, i had already expressed to her my disappointment that she told some coworkers, work-related associates, and friends of my pregnancy back when it was still **very** early. all those people knew before i'd even told my dad and my siblings. i understand she was excited to spread the news about her first grandchild, but this miscarriage is exactly why i was fine waiting until 5 months along to announce anything.
my mom started calling my and my boyfriend's phones 2 hours after the ultrasound. we didn't answer since we were still at the doctor. over the next few hours she started texting and would call me 7 or 8 times back to back, and i continued to hit ignore. i don't have the frame of mind to explain it or discuss it yet, and especially not to hear anything of it in a dramatized reaction.
i thought the ignored phone calls and texts would speak for themselves and she would understand "not right now". i understand why she would also be upset and sad, and bothered that i'm not sharing my feelings with her. after my boyfriend told her later tonight, i was getting texts from her about how she's very upset about the news, but definitely upset that i could leave her hanging emotionally like that. she said she spent hours of her day feeling physically sick over it. that made me roll my eyes because i have no way of knowing if that's how she really felt or if that's the exaggerated reactions again. those texts made me angry all over again and i refused to answer her the rest of today.
aita for not informing her, and ignoring her after?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdbobj/aita_for_refusing_to_answer_my_moms_calls_after/
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2021-10-22 07:27:27
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nta. you have every right to feel what you feel. screw her feelings. i completely shut down when it happened to me. i ran on autopilot. hubs handled all the phone calls.
you grieve how you need to and ignore her. if she says anything to you, "mom this whole pregnancy you have thought of only yourself. i am grieving and need to be left alone."
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definitely nta. her saying she “spent hours of her day feeling physically sick” is very selfish of her. she wants you to feel bad for her even after what you just went through. she should understand that she needs to give you time to grieve and heal without adding more stress for you. i’m so very sorry for your loss :(
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nta
we found out at 13wks pregnant that our son had severe chromosomal abnormalities and would not likely make it to term. when the bottom fell out of our world i kinda shut down and my communication skills went out the window. i did update my parents with this news but did not "share" our pain or discuss it with them. we terminated the pregnancy at 17 weeks. our parents were told.
after the abortion i spiraled significantly. the whole experience was traumatic, and emotionally devastating. i stopped answering the phone and avoided friends and family for a long time.
your mother should have been able to "read" the lack of communication from you better than she did. the fact she then flipped your loss to make it about her is also inappropriate. yes she is allowed to be upset, but she needs to take that somewhere else, not put it on you.
she also broke your trust by sharing your pregnancy news with multiple people when you asked her not to. broken trust has consequences, one of which may be a reluctance to include her in emotional events, especially when you are a private person.
you get to choose how you deal with your miscarriage. i am sorry for your loss.
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it sounds like you were worried that your mom would make your miscarriage all about her. and that's exactly what she did. clearly you're nta.
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“mum, right now it’s not about you.”
nta
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nta
&#x200b;
she tattles about your secrets, and instead of being supportive she makes your pain about herself.
&#x200b;
considering her history you should generally talk much less and inform her much later about your relevant live events - **she has shown you that you can not trust her** with your personal information.
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nta i am so sorry you are going through, please make sure that you and oh are ok before anything else.
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nta she's taking your miscarriage and making it all about her and her feelings.
im very sorry for your loss.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: at my ultrasound i found out my baby no longer has a heartbeat, and had stopped growing. the only plan from there was to check again in a week to make a final decision on surgery and a care plan. i was feeling really sad but also angry to have to wait a week, so i just kind of went silent and zoned out. i forgot my phone was on silent anyway. my boyfriend was at this ultrasound with me and he was able to handle the rest of what was needed at the appointment. my mom knew the appointment time, as well. she and i live in the same city and i work for her company, so we speak every day. we have a mostly good relationship. however, i am generally skeptical of what/how/when i tell her anything at all because she has always been dramatic with "big" reactions. i am an emotionally private person, so this part of her has always made my blood boil. additionally, i had already expressed to her my disappointment that she told some coworkers, work-related associates, and friends of my pregnancy back when it was still **very** early. all those people knew before i'd even told my dad and my siblings. i understand she was excited to spread the news about her first grandchild, but this miscarriage is exactly why i was fine waiting until 5 months along to announce anything. my mom started calling my and my boyfriend's phones 2 hours after the ultrasound. we didn't answer since we were still at the doctor. over the next few hours she started texting and would call me 7 or 8 times back to back, and i continued to hit ignore. i don't have the frame of mind to explain it or discuss it yet, and especially not to hear anything of it in a dramatized reaction. i thought the ignored phone calls and texts would speak for themselves and she would understand "not right now". i understand why she would also be upset and sad, and bothered that i'm not sharing my feelings with her. after my boyfriend told her later tonight, i was getting texts from her about how she's very upset about the news, but definitely upset that i could leave her hanging emotionally like that. she said she spent hours of her day feeling physically sick over it. that made me roll my eyes because i have no way of knowing if that's how she really felt or if that's the exaggerated reactions again. those texts made me angry all over again and i refused to answer her the rest of today. aita for not informing her, and ignoring her after?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
at my ultrasound i found out my baby no longer has a heartbeat, and had stopped growing. the only plan from there was to check again in a week to make a final decision on surgery and a care plan. i was feeling really sad but also angry to have to wait a week, so i just kind of went silent and zoned out. i forgot my phone was on silent anyway. my boyfriend was at this ultrasound with me and he was able to handle the rest of what was needed at the appointment. my mom knew the appointment time, as well. she and i live in the same city and i work for her company, so we speak every day. we have a mostly good relationship. however, i am generally skeptical of what/how/when i tell her anything at all because she has always been dramatic with "big" reactions. i am an emotionally private person, so this part of her has always made my blood boil. additionally, i had already expressed to her my disappointment that she told some coworkers, work-related associates, and friends of my pregnancy back when it was still **very** early. all those people knew before i'd even told my dad and my siblings. i understand she was excited to spread the news about her first grandchild, but this miscarriage is exactly why i was fine waiting until 5 months along to announce anything. my mom started calling my and my boyfriend's phones 2 hours after the ultrasound. we didn't answer since we were still at the doctor. over the next few hours she started texting and would call me 7 or 8 times back to back, and i continued to hit ignore. i don't have the frame of mind to explain it or discuss it yet, and especially not to hear anything of it in a dramatized reaction. i thought the ignored phone calls and texts would speak for themselves and she would understand "not right now". i understand why she would also be upset and sad, and bothered that i'm not sharing my feelings with her. after my boyfriend told her later tonight, i was getting texts from her about how she's very upset about the news, but definitely upset that i could leave her hanging emotionally like that. she said she spent hours of her day feeling physically sick over it. that made me roll my eyes because i have no way of knowing if that's how she really felt or if that's the exaggerated reactions again. those texts made me angry all over again and i refused to answer her the rest of today. aita for not informing her, and ignoring her after? [/INST] nta. you have every right to feel what you feel. screw her feelings. i completely shut down when it happened to me. i ran on autopilot. hubs handled all the phone calls. you grieve how you need to and ignore her. if she says anything to you, "mom this whole pregnancy you have thought of only yourself. i am grieving and need to be left alone." </s>
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AITA for shaming my son after posting a lie?
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long story short, my 17yo son wrote on his fb page that he was glad that his graduation got cancelled because i probably wasn't going to show and couldn't afford his cap and gown. both are lies. he and his siblings live between my ex and i. i saw him the day he wrote it. and i had actually just bought him a $450 worth of clothes whereas his cap and gown cost $20.
people left nasty comments about me being an asshole and a bad parent. some included extended family. i did ask my son why he posted such a lie and he said he thought it was funny and wanted people to feel sorry for him.
so i posted a retraction on his page and labeled him a spoiled brat. then i changed his password so he couldn't take it down.
| 6,232 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gxdiva/aita_for_shaming_my_son_after_posting_a_lie/
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2020-06-05 21:29:33
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nta play stupid games, win stupid prizes, dude.
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nta
but tbh that kids a brat
no offense op
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nta. he posted it "because he thought it was funny" without thinking about the consequences of it and now you are getting nasty comments about yourself. honestly, i would try and talk to him and tell him that it hurt you etc.
i would appreciate it if you did that as a child. let him learn a lesson but teach him about impact. this also included extended family so definitely have a talk. also, see things from his side, sometimes kids get angry and post things. i know i do.
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not gonna pass judgement.
why do i feel like there’s something we’re missing here? why would a 17-year-old post an easily-debunked lie like that? why does he want people to feel sorry for him? why is he willing to throw his parent under the bus to get attention? how did your son become a “spoiled brat” in the first place?
maybe those are the hard questions you should be asking yourself, instead of seeking validation on reddit.
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nta i have to admit that i laughed out loud when i read your last paragraph! normally, i wouldn't approve of changing his password, but although it may not be a popular opinion, i don't have a problem with you changing the password for the reason you stated. it is highly likely that he would have deleted it. you can always give him the new password in a week or so when everyone has had the chance to see the retraction.
a phrase that is often used on reddit: he played a stupid game and won a stupid prize!
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nta. i freaking love how you handled this lmfao
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esh. you’re nta for speaking up on this. your son is a huge asshole for putting this kind of shit on facebook for attention. but you changing his password is a little too far imo.
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esh. he shouldn’t have lied publicly for attention, you shouldn’t have shamed him publicly or changed his password. he’s a teenager, you’re the parent and you should be able to parent privately. i’d suggest some form of family counseling...
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nta. if he's just doing it for attention, he's ta.
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esh, i would say nta but calling your child a spoiled brat publicly breaks any kind of safety he may have felt with you ever. obviously he has some issues, he should have a public retraction, and i have no problem with sm being taken away and having restricted access. but to publicly shame your child will backfire in ways that will cause repercussions for years to come. any level of trust and safety you may have had between the two of you is now fractured wholly and like it or not, you’re the parent. it’s on you to model how to create trust.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.176777 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: long story short, my 17yo son wrote on his fb page that he was glad that his graduation got cancelled because i probably wasn't going to show and couldn't afford his cap and gown. both are lies. he and his siblings live between my ex and i. i saw him the day he wrote it. and i had actually just bought him a $450 worth of clothes whereas his cap and gown cost $20. people left nasty comments about me being an asshole and a bad parent. some included extended family. i did ask my son why he posted such a lie and he said he thought it was funny and wanted people to feel sorry for him. so i posted a retraction on his page and labeled him a spoiled brat. then i changed his password so he couldn't take it down.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
long story short, my 17yo son wrote on his fb page that he was glad that his graduation got cancelled because i probably wasn't going to show and couldn't afford his cap and gown. both are lies. he and his siblings live between my ex and i. i saw him the day he wrote it. and i had actually just bought him a $450 worth of clothes whereas his cap and gown cost $20. people left nasty comments about me being an asshole and a bad parent. some included extended family. i did ask my son why he posted such a lie and he said he thought it was funny and wanted people to feel sorry for him. so i posted a retraction on his page and labeled him a spoiled brat. then i changed his password so he couldn't take it down. [/INST] nta play stupid games, win stupid prizes, dude. </s>
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AITA for not telling my girlfriend that I used to play Division 1 basketball
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apologies for any formatting, i’m on mobile.
i used to play basketball at a fairly well known college. i never made the nba or anything so most people don’t really know me outside of some college basketball circles. my career ended unfortunately and while i’m grateful of everything basketball did for me i don’t really have much connection with basketball or my alma mater anymore besides a few connections i use for my job.
i started dating my girlfriend in january and she knows absolutely nothing about sports. we went to her parent’s house for thanksgiving today and i met her family for the first time. apparently her brothers are huge college basketball fans and asked me tons of questions about my time playing basketball. my girlfriend was pretty confused and asked what they were talking about so i told her that i used to play college basketball. she was pretty embarrassed and after we left got very angry at me for not telling her. i told her that i tend to avoid talking about it as it’s in the past, but that i never hid it from her and if she had put my name into google it would come up on the first few results. obviously she’s still mad that i never told her about it.
so, aita?
| 213 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k1sbil/aita_for_not_telling_my_girlfriend_that_i_used_to/
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2020-11-27 02:09:09
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nta
you haven’t been together that long, and if it genuinely isn’t a big part of your life anymore, it makes sense that you wouldn’t make a big deal out of it.
i don’t understand her anger, though. it’s not like you were arrested for indecent exposure. also, she never google’d you when you first started dating? suspect.
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after ten months together it's borderline, but leaning towards nah.
i totally understand why she's upset: that *other people knew more about you than she did* \- that can be embarrassing and humiliating - and that feeling is on you. and you clearly do still talk about basketball if you're answering her family's questions.
whether or not it makes you an ah, i'm leaning towards no, but recognise that it's still because of you that she feels this way, humiliated in front of her family, and it's on you to convince her that she can still trust you.
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sounds like what she’s really angry about is you not sharing things about yourself with her. how long have you been a couple?
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**nah**. you've moved on and it's understandable you don't want to tell everyone about it or make it part of your identity.
but, she is your gf and so it is also understandable that she felt upset that she was completely unaware about a big part of your past life, made a *lot* worse by her family knowing and fawning over you.
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lol that's a weird thing to get mad about. nta dude.
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mild yta. ultimately it's not a huge deal, but i struggle to see how you could be dating someone for almost a year and not have told them about such a significant part of your past. basketball might not be that important to you these days, but let's be real, your girlfriend probably just found out that she's dating the most famous person she knows.
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nta with a heavy lean toward nah depending on how exactly she handled her upset. i think i would have been amused more than anything as long as this wasn’t a bigger issue in the relationship. if you’re often withholding info about yourself / your past in more areas than this, then i could understand her being upset.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NAH
| null |
NAH
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0.176777 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: apologies for any formatting, i’m on mobile. i used to play basketball at a fairly well known college. i never made the nba or anything so most people don’t really know me outside of some college basketball circles. my career ended unfortunately and while i’m grateful of everything basketball did for me i don’t really have much connection with basketball or my alma mater anymore besides a few connections i use for my job. i started dating my girlfriend in january and she knows absolutely nothing about sports. we went to her parent’s house for thanksgiving today and i met her family for the first time. apparently her brothers are huge college basketball fans and asked me tons of questions about my time playing basketball. my girlfriend was pretty confused and asked what they were talking about so i told her that i used to play college basketball. she was pretty embarrassed and after we left got very angry at me for not telling her. i told her that i tend to avoid talking about it as it’s in the past, but that i never hid it from her and if she had put my name into google it would come up on the first few results. obviously she’s still mad that i never told her about it. so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
apologies for any formatting, i’m on mobile. i used to play basketball at a fairly well known college. i never made the nba or anything so most people don’t really know me outside of some college basketball circles. my career ended unfortunately and while i’m grateful of everything basketball did for me i don’t really have much connection with basketball or my alma mater anymore besides a few connections i use for my job. i started dating my girlfriend in january and she knows absolutely nothing about sports. we went to her parent’s house for thanksgiving today and i met her family for the first time. apparently her brothers are huge college basketball fans and asked me tons of questions about my time playing basketball. my girlfriend was pretty confused and asked what they were talking about so i told her that i used to play college basketball. she was pretty embarrassed and after we left got very angry at me for not telling her. i told her that i tend to avoid talking about it as it’s in the past, but that i never hid it from her and if she had put my name into google it would come up on the first few results. obviously she’s still mad that i never told her about it. so, aita? [/INST] nta you haven’t been together that long, and if it genuinely isn’t a big part of your life anymore, it makes sense that you wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. i don’t understand her anger, though. it’s not like you were arrested for indecent exposure. also, she never google’d you when you first started dating? suspect. </s>
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AITA dorm mate tried to starve herself, fainted, hurt, and blame it on me
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background first. i am not an expert on genetics and health but in our family, we are capable of fasting for a very long period without getting sick. i can go up to 3 days drinking only water, eat a huge meal fit for 3 days, then fast for 3 days again without any side effects.
i normally stick to 2-3 meals a day but when there is a dinner event, like buffet, i would fast 2-3 days before and surprise everybody when i eat big amounts of food later(i am rather small 156cm and 51kg).
we were going to hold a small party in our dorm to celebrate the release of lockdown(yes, it is legal to gather in my country now). we ordered lots of food, and i was going to fast again before the party.
before the party, a dorm mate of mine asked how i could always eat so much without getting fat. i explained to her that i would simply eat nothing for 2-3 days and eat everything on the day of event. i did warn her that not to do that, not everyone could and it could be dangerous.
turned out she only listened to the first part of the conversation, starved herself for 2 days and fainted right before the party. she hurt her hips and had to be absent resting in the campus nurse office during the party.
she was and is still angry at me for my "shitty suggestion", but i simply answered her question, i did not suggest for her to starve herself and even specifically told her not to. her friends are also siding her and blaming me for making her starve and not even bother to give her an apology. i am not apologising for her stupid actions.
aita?
| 6,978 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gsqvfa/aita_dorm_mate_tried_to_starve_herself_fainted/
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2020-05-29 11:03:27
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nta but starving yourself for three days then binging is a pretty bad eating disorder so take care of yourself
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nta, but i just wanted to say that i do the same thing. my dr diagnosed me as having an eating disorder. she calls it binging and restricting.
i now fast intermittently. if i know i’m going out for a big dinner i’ll skip breakfast and lunch, but just for that day. most day’s i’ll only eat between the hours of 12pm and 5pm.
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nta but... that's not a healthy habit. i understand skipping a meal to build appetite - that would be intermittent fasting - but fasting 3 days? it's not genetics and you are not gifted, you have trained your body to do that. it's an eating disorder. your friend fainted because her body wasn't used to it, not because she was born without a talent for fasting. evidently it doesn't weigh on you as much as others, but it's unhealthy. maybe consider picking up a workout routine and simply workout a little more (but within reason!) when you want to build up appetite or stay in shape - or just... eat a normal amount of food at events. it's okay, you know. take care.
source: a recovered anorexic.
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starving and bingeing is not fasting - that's an eating disorder. i hope you and the dorm friend find the help and support you need. nta.
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esh - you both fall under the category of “just because you can, doesn’t mean you should”. yes, she’s an asshole (and an idiot) for doing that. however, you could be malnourishing yourself without any symptoms. you should go to a specialist to make sure you’re not harming yourself unintentionally.
you’re not being ta towards her. you’re being ta to *you*.
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nta but you have very disordered eating habits.
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i’m very concerned about how dismissive everyone is towards your roommate. i’m reserving judgement, but if she’s so willing to go hungry even if she’s unwell, this is cause for serious concern. if you get to the point of feeling unwell and almost passing out, that is not a good sign. suggesting a liquid diet is never a good idea- there may be many impressionable and vulnerable people around you who may be listening. please don’t spread this misinformation and please please see your doctor about your behaviour and make sure your roommate gets help.
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nta but jfc stop supporting op’s eating disorder in the comments ffs
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hey just wanted to say that’s not normal at all, and it sounds like you and other members of your family have eating disorders. please take care of yourself, reach out to a medical professional of some kind
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esh, you probably could have explained that you have a severe eating disorder before you told her how you can eat so much rather than after, and she shouldn’t be silly enough to do something like that.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
ESH
| 0.091339 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: background first. i am not an expert on genetics and health but in our family, we are capable of fasting for a very long period without getting sick. i can go up to 3 days drinking only water, eat a huge meal fit for 3 days, then fast for 3 days again without any side effects. i normally stick to 2-3 meals a day but when there is a dinner event, like buffet, i would fast 2-3 days before and surprise everybody when i eat big amounts of food later(i am rather small 156cm and 51kg). we were going to hold a small party in our dorm to celebrate the release of lockdown(yes, it is legal to gather in my country now). we ordered lots of food, and i was going to fast again before the party. before the party, a dorm mate of mine asked how i could always eat so much without getting fat. i explained to her that i would simply eat nothing for 2-3 days and eat everything on the day of event. i did warn her that not to do that, not everyone could and it could be dangerous. turned out she only listened to the first part of the conversation, starved herself for 2 days and fainted right before the party. she hurt her hips and had to be absent resting in the campus nurse office during the party. she was and is still angry at me for my "shitty suggestion", but i simply answered her question, i did not suggest for her to starve herself and even specifically told her not to. her friends are also siding her and blaming me for making her starve and not even bother to give her an apology. i am not apologising for her stupid actions. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
background first. i am not an expert on genetics and health but in our family, we are capable of fasting for a very long period without getting sick. i can go up to 3 days drinking only water, eat a huge meal fit for 3 days, then fast for 3 days again without any side effects. i normally stick to 2-3 meals a day but when there is a dinner event, like buffet, i would fast 2-3 days before and surprise everybody when i eat big amounts of food later(i am rather small 156cm and 51kg). we were going to hold a small party in our dorm to celebrate the release of lockdown(yes, it is legal to gather in my country now). we ordered lots of food, and i was going to fast again before the party. before the party, a dorm mate of mine asked how i could always eat so much without getting fat. i explained to her that i would simply eat nothing for 2-3 days and eat everything on the day of event. i did warn her that not to do that, not everyone could and it could be dangerous. turned out she only listened to the first part of the conversation, starved herself for 2 days and fainted right before the party. she hurt her hips and had to be absent resting in the campus nurse office during the party. she was and is still angry at me for my "shitty suggestion", but i simply answered her question, i did not suggest for her to starve herself and even specifically told her not to. her friends are also siding her and blaming me for making her starve and not even bother to give her an apology. i am not apologising for her stupid actions. aita? [/INST] nta but starving yourself for three days then binging is a pretty bad eating disorder so take care of yourself </s>
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WIBTA if I excluded my family from my birthday?
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i’ve found myself in a situation that the mid-western in me would like to kindly just skirt around and avoid until i die – but alas, i am now stuck and need to face the music.
i moved from my home state in 2014, and while i live five hours away i have made a massive attempt at still keeping in touch and remaining close to my family. alas, 2020 hit – and the dynamic changed quite a bit, becoming zoom oriented.
october 2020 hits, and my aunt confides she has bed bugs. we aren’t talking about, whoa – i found a bed bug – we are talking about, let’s burn everything and cleanse the earth with more fire. how she got to this point is a story in itself, but in short it has to do with her allowing her younger son to remain upstairs and live in literally hoarder style trash and grime.
at the end of october the family confronts my aunt and her wonderful older son offered to pay for heat treatments and a place for her to stay, but that required kicking the younger son out. so she insists on dealing with the problem herself, allowing the younger son to remain as is. she has had several spray treatments, but with the amount of garbage still around there has been improvement opposed to eradication. literally yesterday my aunt told me she has anemia and the doctors are running tests to find out why – i suggested the bugs and she adamantly denied that it could be that. i stress that her problem is out of control, and something i’m attempting to navigate all on its own.
then, this month, april 2021 – my parents (whom i'm an only child) got the bugs and my heart absolutely sunk. my mom will not stop driving her sister, my aunt, around to different doctor’s appointments, going to lunch, etc. and then all of a sudden they’re infected. my parent’s informed me, though, that “it was just a few” and “nothing like your aunt’s” – thanks? my parent’s solution was to get a spray treatment done, and then go out to eat with my aunt and uncle at a restaurant a week or so later. (my parent’s also believe my uncle has the bugs, as on easter they saw one on his sleeve when he came to pick up food.) whenever i inquire when the bug spray guy will come back to make sure that they are gone, my dad just tirades off on how he is keeping track of how many they’re finding; he check’s the bed every day; he moves things around and looks, etc. basically, he devalues my question and skirts around it. then my mom goes on about how she still goes to work and her employer doesn’t have them – as if that comforts me somehow?
here’s where this finally cumulates enough for me to have to deal with the situation full on. my 30th birthday is in a month and i am celebrating it, however as things stand i am not going to invite my family.
i know my family loves me and it will really hurt them to exclude them, but wibta if i didn’t see any of them for my birthday because i could potentially gain the bugs as well?
| 193 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n23b5l/wibta_if_i_excluded_my_family_from_my_birthday/
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2021-04-30 21:00:19
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nta... your family really needs to get it together, especially your aunt. i wonder how many other people she’s given bed bugs to considering that she’s going to all kinds of appointments.
there’s nothing unreasonable about not wanting bed bugs and i wonder if they don’t understand how bed bug transmission happens and that seeing family members/people regularly who have bed bugs can just keep bringing back the problem..?
definitely do not see them, the last thing you want is a bed bug issue. stand your ground and if they get upset, kindly explain to them that there would be a high risk of bed bug transmission considering the whole family seems to have them now.
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no, nta in any way, shape, or form. bed bugs are an absolute nightmare to deal with, emotionally, practically, and financially. you’re opening yourself up to having a major stress that’s not worth it and absolutely disgusting. do not let your family anywhere near your property or yourself until this is sorted, because bed bug infestations are so easy to spread between people in close contact. keep them away until they’re gone.
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nta bed bugs are nasty little shits, don’t let them anywhere near you! maybe say you’re doing your birthday on zoom to your family and only have people in person that you’re friends with?
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nta.
despite being southern, your opening paragraph there was also something i could immediately identify with so hard that it made me laugh out loud.
i would say if you wanted to be very, very, exceedingly generous, lay down the law one more time. perhaps even throw in some casual heartstrings-tugging by saying that the thing you really want for your birthday is to know that all of them are absolutely no longer dealing with bedbugs, so please take any money they have set aside for a gift for you and apply it to professional bedbug pest control. all you want is to know your family is no longer suffering, and that is greater than any gift they could give. (especially if they're going to give you physical gifts they've kept at home. that may have bedbugs in there.)
but if your aunt has *lost her fucking job* over refusing to show that she is no longer infested with bedbugs, that may be an entirely lost cause.
expect them to be majorly upset, but this is a type of situation where they can go be upset at this entirely reasonable boundary and you are completely in the right to make and hold said boundary.
i also admit i'm the type of person that my ultimate response to "what would i do if i got bedbugs" is definitely "insurance fraud, because a house that's burned down can't have bedbugs in it", so there's also that lmao,
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nta. i once had to throw out two mattresses due to visitors who thought their bedbug problem wasn’t a big deal so they didn’t mention it before coming.
just have to say really enjoyed a “setting boundaries because my family will infect me” question that’s not politically adjacent.
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nta. bed bugs is a big nope for me
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bed bugs are considered a public health issue. if they do not get this under control properly, and are spreading them to other people/homes, it might be time to contact your local health department and file a report (you should be able to do so anonymously, but since they know your stance i’m thinking they’ll know who called).
regardless, you are completely nta if you refuse to include them in your birthday celebration. and imo you should exclude them. i’m all itchy just thinking about this... do what is best for you in the long run.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’ve found myself in a situation that the mid-western in me would like to kindly just skirt around and avoid until i die – but alas, i am now stuck and need to face the music. i moved from my home state in 2014, and while i live five hours away i have made a massive attempt at still keeping in touch and remaining close to my family. alas, 2020 hit – and the dynamic changed quite a bit, becoming zoom oriented. october 2020 hits, and my aunt confides she has bed bugs. we aren’t talking about, whoa – i found a bed bug – we are talking about, let’s burn everything and cleanse the earth with more fire. how she got to this point is a story in itself, but in short it has to do with her allowing her younger son to remain upstairs and live in literally hoarder style trash and grime. at the end of october the family confronts my aunt and her wonderful older son offered to pay for heat treatments and a place for her to stay, but that required kicking the younger son out. so she insists on dealing with the problem herself, allowing the younger son to remain as is. she has had several spray treatments, but with the amount of garbage still around there has been improvement opposed to eradication. literally yesterday my aunt told me she has anemia and the doctors are running tests to find out why – i suggested the bugs and she adamantly denied that it could be that. i stress that her problem is out of control, and something i’m attempting to navigate all on its own. then, this month, april 2021 – my parents (whom i'm an only child) got the bugs and my heart absolutely sunk. my mom will not stop driving her sister, my aunt, around to different doctor’s appointments, going to lunch, etc. and then all of a sudden they’re infected. my parent’s informed me, though, that “it was just a few” and “nothing like your aunt’s” – thanks? my parent’s solution was to get a spray treatment done, and then go out to eat with my aunt and uncle at a restaurant a week or so later. (my parent’s also believe my uncle has the bugs, as on easter they saw one on his sleeve when he came to pick up food.) whenever i inquire when the bug spray guy will come back to make sure that they are gone, my dad just tirades off on how he is keeping track of how many they’re finding; he check’s the bed every day; he moves things around and looks, etc. basically, he devalues my question and skirts around it. then my mom goes on about how she still goes to work and her employer doesn’t have them – as if that comforts me somehow? here’s where this finally cumulates enough for me to have to deal with the situation full on. my 30th birthday is in a month and i am celebrating it, however as things stand i am not going to invite my family. i know my family loves me and it will really hurt them to exclude them, but wibta if i didn’t see any of them for my birthday because i could potentially gain the bugs as well?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’ve found myself in a situation that the mid-western in me would like to kindly just skirt around and avoid until i die – but alas, i am now stuck and need to face the music. i moved from my home state in 2014, and while i live five hours away i have made a massive attempt at still keeping in touch and remaining close to my family. alas, 2020 hit – and the dynamic changed quite a bit, becoming zoom oriented. october 2020 hits, and my aunt confides she has bed bugs. we aren’t talking about, whoa – i found a bed bug – we are talking about, let’s burn everything and cleanse the earth with more fire. how she got to this point is a story in itself, but in short it has to do with her allowing her younger son to remain upstairs and live in literally hoarder style trash and grime. at the end of october the family confronts my aunt and her wonderful older son offered to pay for heat treatments and a place for her to stay, but that required kicking the younger son out. so she insists on dealing with the problem herself, allowing the younger son to remain as is. she has had several spray treatments, but with the amount of garbage still around there has been improvement opposed to eradication. literally yesterday my aunt told me she has anemia and the doctors are running tests to find out why – i suggested the bugs and she adamantly denied that it could be that. i stress that her problem is out of control, and something i’m attempting to navigate all on its own. then, this month, april 2021 – my parents (whom i'm an only child) got the bugs and my heart absolutely sunk. my mom will not stop driving her sister, my aunt, around to different doctor’s appointments, going to lunch, etc. and then all of a sudden they’re infected. my parent’s informed me, though, that “it was just a few” and “nothing like your aunt’s” – thanks? my parent’s solution was to get a spray treatment done, and then go out to eat with my aunt and uncle at a restaurant a week or so later. (my parent’s also believe my uncle has the bugs, as on easter they saw one on his sleeve when he came to pick up food.) whenever i inquire when the bug spray guy will come back to make sure that they are gone, my dad just tirades off on how he is keeping track of how many they’re finding; he check’s the bed every day; he moves things around and looks, etc. basically, he devalues my question and skirts around it. then my mom goes on about how she still goes to work and her employer doesn’t have them – as if that comforts me somehow? here’s where this finally cumulates enough for me to have to deal with the situation full on. my 30th birthday is in a month and i am celebrating it, however as things stand i am not going to invite my family. i know my family loves me and it will really hurt them to exclude them, but wibta if i didn’t see any of them for my birthday because i could potentially gain the bugs as well? [/INST] nta... your family really needs to get it together, especially your aunt. i wonder how many other people she’s given bed bugs to considering that she’s going to all kinds of appointments. there’s nothing unreasonable about not wanting bed bugs and i wonder if they don’t understand how bed bug transmission happens and that seeing family members/people regularly who have bed bugs can just keep bringing back the problem..? definitely do not see them, the last thing you want is a bed bug issue. stand your ground and if they get upset, kindly explain to them that there would be a high risk of bed bug transmission considering the whole family seems to have them now. </s>
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WIBTA for cutting someone off for pulling off my wig in public?
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backstory: so i'm black, and i have really thick 4c hair that's just too stressful for me to maintain sometimes, so i just braid my hair in cornrows and wear wigs sometimes. it's simple, fast and convenient. not many people can tell it's a wig so they always ask questions about how i get my hair like that. i usually just explain that it's not my real hair.
now to the meat of the story. today, i was hanging out with one of my white friends in the library (finals week), studying together. we're making jokes on a break and just chilling. he starts to play with my hair but he's a very touchy feely person so i don't think much of it. all of a sudden, he pulls the hair and it falls off my head. in a room full of people. i was in shock. for like 5 seconds i didn't move. i put the wig back on in shame and guess what he does? laugh. he doesn't even apologize at first he just laughs. i packed up my stuff and left. he's been texting and calling me all afternoon apologizing and saying that i have no reason to be this upset with him, that, "most girls have fake hair, no one cares". well i care, and i think its stupid that the first thing he did was laugh.
i'm not sure if cutting him off and never speaking to him again is overreacting/will make me an asshole, but i am boiling over with rage.
&#x200b;
also, if i do cut him off, this would be the second person i'm getting rid of in 3 weeks. seems a bit excessive and i wonder if i'm the problem.
&#x200b;
aita?
| 7,335 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e9suzr/wibta_for_cutting_someone_off_for_pulling_off_my/
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2019-12-12 20:09:38
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nta. he played a very stupid prank. if he apologized and was sincerely remorseful about it that's one thing. instead he blames you for over-reacting meaning he accepts none of the blame for basically treating a friend poorly. he's a big ah and you don't need that in your life. feel free to tell all your mutual friends about how he was a huge jerk.
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nta - even if it was an accident, he should have apologized immediately. he handled it poorly.
that said, people do mess up and do handle things poorly, and if you immediately cut them off with no mercy, you will find yourself very lonely. i'd at least tell your friend how you feel and give him a chance to make it right.
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that's elementary school tier of "boys mess with your clothes because they like you teehee, dont discipline them for it". why. if you're an adult, you know not to do those things. seems he never learned as a kid. also, all i could think of when i read this post was this gif of a woman whose wig got taken off and she had another one prepped underneath. i can't find the video, but the wig on top removed was long and black, and the one she revealed under it was platinum blonde.
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nta. it's disrespectful! point blank. any one who has more than one bouncing brain cell knows not to mess up someone's appearance in public. it's crude, and the fact that he saw it as a joke was even worse. imo, it's something you should know if you have basic manners - do not touch people without their permission, do not remove articles of clothing/wigs/hats/whatever without their permission. in what world is that funny; it's just disrespectful at best and a public embarrassment at worst!
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[removed]
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\[as i'm reading this:\]
"no."
"*no!!"*
**"no."**
nta at all. he laughed instead of apologizing, then tried to gaslight you by saying "no one cares," as if the problem is you being upset and not him yanking at your wig then fully *laughing at you*. it seems like the trash took itself out for you.
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nta. i’m so sorry this happened to you. he clearly does not understand how awful what he did was and i doubt he ever will
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unbweaveable
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nta. someone who publicly embarrasses you and then laughs isn't a friend, so you're not cutting off a friend. you're simply realizing someone in your life is a thoughtless or downright mean acquaintance and deciding you no longer need that in your life.
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nta. he did something bad and then gave you a fake apology. maybe never talking to him again is excessive but that's up to you.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: backstory: so i'm black, and i have really thick 4c hair that's just too stressful for me to maintain sometimes, so i just braid my hair in cornrows and wear wigs sometimes. it's simple, fast and convenient. not many people can tell it's a wig so they always ask questions about how i get my hair like that. i usually just explain that it's not my real hair. now to the meat of the story. today, i was hanging out with one of my white friends in the library (finals week), studying together. we're making jokes on a break and just chilling. he starts to play with my hair but he's a very touchy feely person so i don't think much of it. all of a sudden, he pulls the hair and it falls off my head. in a room full of people. i was in shock. for like 5 seconds i didn't move. i put the wig back on in shame and guess what he does? laugh. he doesn't even apologize at first he just laughs. i packed up my stuff and left. he's been texting and calling me all afternoon apologizing and saying that i have no reason to be this upset with him, that, "most girls have fake hair, no one cares". well i care, and i think its stupid that the first thing he did was laugh. i'm not sure if cutting him off and never speaking to him again is overreacting/will make me an asshole, but i am boiling over with rage. &#x200b; also, if i do cut him off, this would be the second person i'm getting rid of in 3 weeks. seems a bit excessive and i wonder if i'm the problem. &#x200b; aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
backstory: so i'm black, and i have really thick 4c hair that's just too stressful for me to maintain sometimes, so i just braid my hair in cornrows and wear wigs sometimes. it's simple, fast and convenient. not many people can tell it's a wig so they always ask questions about how i get my hair like that. i usually just explain that it's not my real hair. now to the meat of the story. today, i was hanging out with one of my white friends in the library (finals week), studying together. we're making jokes on a break and just chilling. he starts to play with my hair but he's a very touchy feely person so i don't think much of it. all of a sudden, he pulls the hair and it falls off my head. in a room full of people. i was in shock. for like 5 seconds i didn't move. i put the wig back on in shame and guess what he does? laugh. he doesn't even apologize at first he just laughs. i packed up my stuff and left. he's been texting and calling me all afternoon apologizing and saying that i have no reason to be this upset with him, that, "most girls have fake hair, no one cares". well i care, and i think its stupid that the first thing he did was laugh. i'm not sure if cutting him off and never speaking to him again is overreacting/will make me an asshole, but i am boiling over with rage. &#x200b; also, if i do cut him off, this would be the second person i'm getting rid of in 3 weeks. seems a bit excessive and i wonder if i'm the problem. &#x200b; aita? [/INST] nta. he played a very stupid prank. if he apologized and was sincerely remorseful about it that's one thing. instead he blames you for over-reacting meaning he accepts none of the blame for basically treating a friend poorly. he's a big ah and you don't need that in your life. feel free to tell all your mutual friends about how he was a huge jerk. </s>
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AITA for not accommodating the puppy my sister is raising to be a service dog at Christmas?
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my sister, lily, and her husband, dan, raise service dogs for an organization. they've raised at least 3 dogs in the past that have gone on to be successful service dogs, and a couple more that didn't. they almost always have a puppy they're taking care of, and like to bring the puppies wherever they go. the organization they raise them for has strict rules about the dog interacting with other dogs. these rules are understandable, of course.
a few months ago lily and dan got a new puppy, pepper.
i hosted christmas this year. my general policy on dogs in my house is that if they are friendly and well behaved they are welcome, just don't cause an issue.
this year there were already 3 dogs i had said could come, as well as my own. that was when dan reached out to me, saying that they wanted to bring pepper. they said that they didn't want to board her and thought it would be a good experience with her. i asked if she was able to be around other dogs, including 3 large dogs.
he asked if she would have to be around them and i said that the dogs would be in the house so unless he kept pepper in their bedroom she would need to be able to be around them. he asked if there was any way i could tell the other people not to bring their dogs and find somewhere to board my dog. i told him unfortunately this wasn't possible, especially with such short notice.
dan said that he couldn't bring pepper if there were other dogs. i told him that was unfortunate but at this point the other dogs were coming. he asked what i would do if it was a person that was allergic to dogs, and i told him that was different.
he asked why it was different, which i just said you know why. lily then messaged me saying that they weren't able to leave pepper behind and that i should understand how hard it is for them to raise puppies for service dogs, and how it's even harder than regular dogs. she said that since this dog will help someone medically one day the least i can do is make simple accommodations.
i told her it wasn't possible at this point. she said she wouldn't be going if pepper wasn't able to come. i told her that was unfortunate but if she needed no dogs there i would need to know much sooner so people could find somewhere else to board their dogs.
lily and dan both were upset at me and stayed home. when people asked why they weren't at christmas, i tried to avoid the question.
one of them must have reached out to lily, though, because yesterday i got a message saying i should have accommodated pepper and i shouldn't have made lily and dan stay at home on christmas, and that i “ruined” the holidays.
i don't think it was reasonable of them to expect me to change everyone's plans so late, but also maybe i should have because pepper is training to be someone's service dog. i'm honestly torn here.
aita?
| 934 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rt4a3o/aita_for_not_accommodating_the_puppy_my_sister_is/
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2021-12-31 21:56:19
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nta, idc if you’re raising a dog for jesus christ himself i would call you just to laugh at you for thinking i’d board my own dog so you could bring yours to my house lol
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so they wanted you to board your dog and 2 other dogs last minute? absolutely not. nta. "lack of planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on mine" this is a case of too bad so sad.
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nta. in my city all the places to board dogs are booked up weeks in advance of holidays and they tried asking you to board your own dog last minute? no just no
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nta while raising service dogs i a great thing, it is not the same as requiring medical accommodation. they could have found a solution for christmas, they chose not to. they wanted you to board your dogs so they wouldn't be in your home so they didn't have to board pepper (who while being raised as a service dog is not garunteed to be one so arguments of the good she will do one day is moot). they could have decided that they cannot board her nor have her around other dogs and asked you to help set up a virtual meeting so they could see people and chat at least for a little bit, but instead they threw a tantrum bc their demands were not met.
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nta at all, your family is massively entitled
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nta. yes, you could have asked the other guests if they minded leaving their dogs home. but you were under no obligation to do so.
you probably should have explained why they were not there, however. leaving it meant that lilly controlled the story, and she probably spun it to her advantage, maybe saying that they reached out much earlier than actually happened.
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nta. lily and dan aren’t above the rules you set for your own home. they chose to stay home rather than making arrangements for their dog - that’s on them.
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>she said that since this dog will help someone medically one day the least i can do is make simple accommodations.
expecting you and your guests to board your dogs at the last minute, over christmas no less, are *not* "simple accommodations".
your sister and bil were being completely unreasonable. it would not have been fair on your guests for you to mess them around for any reason other than a genuine emergency, and this was nowhere near an emergency. this was a case of two people who decided at the last minute that their dog was more important the everyone else's plans and you were right not to bend to their wishes.
they ruined the holidays this year, not you. you're nta.
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nta you gave her options that she could have brought the dog, and she wanted to be difficult.
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**nta**
it was already crowded and you really didn't even say "don't bring pepper." you asked if the puppy could be around other dogs and then *they* said no. thats not your fault.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister, lily, and her husband, dan, raise service dogs for an organization. they've raised at least 3 dogs in the past that have gone on to be successful service dogs, and a couple more that didn't. they almost always have a puppy they're taking care of, and like to bring the puppies wherever they go. the organization they raise them for has strict rules about the dog interacting with other dogs. these rules are understandable, of course. a few months ago lily and dan got a new puppy, pepper. i hosted christmas this year. my general policy on dogs in my house is that if they are friendly and well behaved they are welcome, just don't cause an issue. this year there were already 3 dogs i had said could come, as well as my own. that was when dan reached out to me, saying that they wanted to bring pepper. they said that they didn't want to board her and thought it would be a good experience with her. i asked if she was able to be around other dogs, including 3 large dogs. he asked if she would have to be around them and i said that the dogs would be in the house so unless he kept pepper in their bedroom she would need to be able to be around them. he asked if there was any way i could tell the other people not to bring their dogs and find somewhere to board my dog. i told him unfortunately this wasn't possible, especially with such short notice. dan said that he couldn't bring pepper if there were other dogs. i told him that was unfortunate but at this point the other dogs were coming. he asked what i would do if it was a person that was allergic to dogs, and i told him that was different. he asked why it was different, which i just said you know why. lily then messaged me saying that they weren't able to leave pepper behind and that i should understand how hard it is for them to raise puppies for service dogs, and how it's even harder than regular dogs. she said that since this dog will help someone medically one day the least i can do is make simple accommodations. i told her it wasn't possible at this point. she said she wouldn't be going if pepper wasn't able to come. i told her that was unfortunate but if she needed no dogs there i would need to know much sooner so people could find somewhere else to board their dogs. lily and dan both were upset at me and stayed home. when people asked why they weren't at christmas, i tried to avoid the question. one of them must have reached out to lily, though, because yesterday i got a message saying i should have accommodated pepper and i shouldn't have made lily and dan stay at home on christmas, and that i “ruined” the holidays. i don't think it was reasonable of them to expect me to change everyone's plans so late, but also maybe i should have because pepper is training to be someone's service dog. i'm honestly torn here. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister, lily, and her husband, dan, raise service dogs for an organization. they've raised at least 3 dogs in the past that have gone on to be successful service dogs, and a couple more that didn't. they almost always have a puppy they're taking care of, and like to bring the puppies wherever they go. the organization they raise them for has strict rules about the dog interacting with other dogs. these rules are understandable, of course. a few months ago lily and dan got a new puppy, pepper. i hosted christmas this year. my general policy on dogs in my house is that if they are friendly and well behaved they are welcome, just don't cause an issue. this year there were already 3 dogs i had said could come, as well as my own. that was when dan reached out to me, saying that they wanted to bring pepper. they said that they didn't want to board her and thought it would be a good experience with her. i asked if she was able to be around other dogs, including 3 large dogs. he asked if she would have to be around them and i said that the dogs would be in the house so unless he kept pepper in their bedroom she would need to be able to be around them. he asked if there was any way i could tell the other people not to bring their dogs and find somewhere to board my dog. i told him unfortunately this wasn't possible, especially with such short notice. dan said that he couldn't bring pepper if there were other dogs. i told him that was unfortunate but at this point the other dogs were coming. he asked what i would do if it was a person that was allergic to dogs, and i told him that was different. he asked why it was different, which i just said you know why. lily then messaged me saying that they weren't able to leave pepper behind and that i should understand how hard it is for them to raise puppies for service dogs, and how it's even harder than regular dogs. she said that since this dog will help someone medically one day the least i can do is make simple accommodations. i told her it wasn't possible at this point. she said she wouldn't be going if pepper wasn't able to come. i told her that was unfortunate but if she needed no dogs there i would need to know much sooner so people could find somewhere else to board their dogs. lily and dan both were upset at me and stayed home. when people asked why they weren't at christmas, i tried to avoid the question. one of them must have reached out to lily, though, because yesterday i got a message saying i should have accommodated pepper and i shouldn't have made lily and dan stay at home on christmas, and that i “ruined” the holidays. i don't think it was reasonable of them to expect me to change everyone's plans so late, but also maybe i should have because pepper is training to be someone's service dog. i'm honestly torn here. aita? [/INST] nta, idc if you’re raising a dog for jesus christ himself i would call you just to laugh at you for thinking i’d board my own dog so you could bring yours to my house lol </s>
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AITA For flushing the toilet
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so let me explain i work from 7 am to 4:30 pm monday - friday. i take 10 minutes breaks during the day and usually at bathrooms breaks.
this happen yesterday and now i’m getting told by my friends that i was an asshole for the incident.
yesterday i was in a bathroom break minding my bussines usually checking facebook or reddit. i honestly didn’t hear anyone enter the restroom or talking i was really entertained reading a choosing beggars story. i finish did my thing and flush the toilet. this toilets are not like the ones at home this are industrial type of things when you flush is really really loud and they last a really long time. i buckle up and open my stall and this girl starts yelling at me.
it took me a second to realize with this girl was bashee screaming at me.
i told her to back off in a really angry tone.
she starts telling me how much of an asshole i am and how much i embarrassed her by flushing the toilet! how could i not hear that she was on her phone with her crush. i humiliated her by the guy finding out that she was talking to him and using the restroom.
i wanted to laugh but i move to the sink and told her that i didn’t embarrassed her, that she put her self in that position by going to the bathroom while talking to her crush! if she had any respect for the person she should of said hey i will call you in 5 or something like that. i also said that she can not expect to go in a bathroom and no one to be there or that no one to flush. that next time have some common sense and take her calls in the break room or out side.
she started again screaming that i should have waited cause i clearly heard her going in the bathroom and talking on the phone.
i cut her off and said that it wasn’t any of my bussines and that i didn’t hear her enter. i started to move to the exit and she was almost at tears by this point and she just screamed at me that i was a bitch!
i left and went to my desk told my co worker and he was laughing with me.
but today some other people found out and told me that i was in fact an asshole by doing it on purpose and then not apologizing to her.
so reddit aita??
| 411 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/am2mp7/aita_for_flushing_the_toilet/
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2019-02-01 14:38:45
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nta obviously... did your friends actually think youre an asshole for this? thats so silly. i feel like the bigger asshole move would be to not flush and leave a huge dump or something lol. it's a damn bathroom! her fault for being stupid
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shp. literally haha
on a serious note, nta. who comes into a washroom to talk, and expects people to wait around for her to finish her conversation before flushing? that's absolutely absurd.
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nta, you're co-worker is batshit. even if you did hear her were you expected to stay in the stall until her conversation ended? then would you have been screamed at for being nosey?
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nta. anyone who talks on the phone while in the bathroom is ta, however.
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lol, one of my favorite things to do is use the bathroom loudly when some douche is on the phone. this typically happens with business types in airport bathrooms. once there was suit talking to what i assume was his admin assistant on a bluetooth headset while using the urinal. i proceeded to take the loudest piss ever, leaning my head back saying "oh man i really need to drain the vain" and how my "bladder was about to explode".
another time i was in a stall and the guy next to me sheepishly answers his phone "hello" so i yell "sorry i can't talk now i'm on the shitter!" the whole bathroom erupted in laughter.
anyone talking on the phone while using the bathroom is an asshole.
next time flush ten times and yell about how your asshole is burning from bad tacos.
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nta - you gotta go, you gotta go. and if you take phone calls in the bathroom, you should expect some particular noises (flushing isn't the worst one).
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nta, you didn't do it on purpose. you're right not eavesdropping on personal conversations and just minding your own business. the girl is a total asshole for expecting people not to flush in the restroom, and thinking her conversations are important enough for others to follow. if she wanted her crush not to know she was calling from the bathroom, she should not have called from there.
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nta.
&#x200b;
you flushed the toilet, as you're supposed to. you're supposed to put your day on hold until this twat has finished on the phone and gives you permission to flush?
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of course you're nta. bathrooms are for bathroom business, and you're supposed to flush when you use the toilet. it's not your responsibility to check and see if it's ok when you flush.
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nta - people who take calls in the bathroom are assholes.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so let me explain i work from 7 am to 4:30 pm monday - friday. i take 10 minutes breaks during the day and usually at bathrooms breaks. this happen yesterday and now i’m getting told by my friends that i was an asshole for the incident. yesterday i was in a bathroom break minding my bussines usually checking facebook or reddit. i honestly didn’t hear anyone enter the restroom or talking i was really entertained reading a choosing beggars story. i finish did my thing and flush the toilet. this toilets are not like the ones at home this are industrial type of things when you flush is really really loud and they last a really long time. i buckle up and open my stall and this girl starts yelling at me. it took me a second to realize with this girl was bashee screaming at me. i told her to back off in a really angry tone. she starts telling me how much of an asshole i am and how much i embarrassed her by flushing the toilet! how could i not hear that she was on her phone with her crush. i humiliated her by the guy finding out that she was talking to him and using the restroom. i wanted to laugh but i move to the sink and told her that i didn’t embarrassed her, that she put her self in that position by going to the bathroom while talking to her crush! if she had any respect for the person she should of said hey i will call you in 5 or something like that. i also said that she can not expect to go in a bathroom and no one to be there or that no one to flush. that next time have some common sense and take her calls in the break room or out side. she started again screaming that i should have waited cause i clearly heard her going in the bathroom and talking on the phone. i cut her off and said that it wasn’t any of my bussines and that i didn’t hear her enter. i started to move to the exit and she was almost at tears by this point and she just screamed at me that i was a bitch! i left and went to my desk told my co worker and he was laughing with me. but today some other people found out and told me that i was in fact an asshole by doing it on purpose and then not apologizing to her. so reddit aita??
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so let me explain i work from 7 am to 4:30 pm monday - friday. i take 10 minutes breaks during the day and usually at bathrooms breaks. this happen yesterday and now i’m getting told by my friends that i was an asshole for the incident. yesterday i was in a bathroom break minding my bussines usually checking facebook or reddit. i honestly didn’t hear anyone enter the restroom or talking i was really entertained reading a choosing beggars story. i finish did my thing and flush the toilet. this toilets are not like the ones at home this are industrial type of things when you flush is really really loud and they last a really long time. i buckle up and open my stall and this girl starts yelling at me. it took me a second to realize with this girl was bashee screaming at me. i told her to back off in a really angry tone. she starts telling me how much of an asshole i am and how much i embarrassed her by flushing the toilet! how could i not hear that she was on her phone with her crush. i humiliated her by the guy finding out that she was talking to him and using the restroom. i wanted to laugh but i move to the sink and told her that i didn’t embarrassed her, that she put her self in that position by going to the bathroom while talking to her crush! if she had any respect for the person she should of said hey i will call you in 5 or something like that. i also said that she can not expect to go in a bathroom and no one to be there or that no one to flush. that next time have some common sense and take her calls in the break room or out side. she started again screaming that i should have waited cause i clearly heard her going in the bathroom and talking on the phone. i cut her off and said that it wasn’t any of my bussines and that i didn’t hear her enter. i started to move to the exit and she was almost at tears by this point and she just screamed at me that i was a bitch! i left and went to my desk told my co worker and he was laughing with me. but today some other people found out and told me that i was in fact an asshole by doing it on purpose and then not apologizing to her. so reddit aita?? [/INST] nta obviously... did your friends actually think youre an asshole for this? thats so silly. i feel like the bigger asshole move would be to not flush and leave a huge dump or something lol. it's a damn bathroom! her fault for being stupid </s>
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AITA for not letting my baby's dad have a say in her daily care?
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i had a baby in december and the father and i have never been married nor living together. he has two kids from a previous marriage and he's a great dad so he's present in her life, but he chose not to live with us. right now i have sole legal and physical custody (no legal advice please, i assure you we have it under control but i just don't think it's necessary to this story).
we came up with a parenting time schedule 4 months ago where, for the time being, he comes over 3 evenings a week and spends 3 hours during the day with her on saturday. he gets off work anywhere between 4 and 6 pm and he stays until 8 or 9 depending on what time he gets here (he likes to stay after she falls asleep just in case she wakes up so he can help her fall back asleep or spend more time with her).
we wake up at 6 am because i work at 8, i have to take her to daycare and then come back home to get ready for work. through trial and error a few months ago i have found at a 6 or 7pm bedtime is best for her (time shifts based on when her last nap of the day ends). her father keeps bringing this up because it's inconvenient for him on the days he gets off work later. he bitches about it and wants her to stay awake later despite how it causes obvious problems with her wake up and naps.
that and other similar issues caused a rift and i told him, look, you don't live with her and it doesn't make sense for you to have a say in her day to day care. he says he's her father so regardless of how much time he spends with her, he should have a say in everything.
bigger decisions sure, but daily routine? if i'm the one making a routine with our daughter in my home 90% of the time, it doesn't make any sense to me for him to have a say in how i handle our day to day life when he isn't around. aita?
| 616 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/op2xl8/aita_for_not_letting_my_babys_dad_have_a_say_in/
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2021-07-22 00:37:38
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nta. you are responding to the scheduled she is setting, which is thoroughly reasonable for her. and for you. if he wants more time with her while she's conscious, he will need to be there different days and times.
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nta - a bedtime of between 6-7 is developmentally appropriate for kids under 2
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nta. what works for baby is what goes, a baby should never fit in your life you should fit in there’s. meaning there should be a discussion on what he can do to get those extra hours with her.
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so, what i've gathered from your post history (a one month old account with about half a dozen posts, every single one about your baby daddy drama), you think you're the victim and baby daddy is wrong. and most posts prove that - he abandoned you to get back with his ex wife, after all. but then i read yesterday's aita post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/onrlmy/aita_for_giving_my_ex_a_list_of_demands_before_we/
>my ex and i have been on and off for years. we met when he was separated from his now ex-wife (divorced in 2017) and he's flipped back and forth about who he wants to be with like 8 times.
you knew what you were getting into if you got pregnant by this man. you should have ended the relationship the first time he told you he wanted to be with his ex wife again, not let him do that seven more times. you let him abandon you and your child instead of removing yourself from the situation.
and a week ago, you were wondering if you should fight to reduce custody - so it's not under control like you say.
https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/ojvnx7/wibta_for_fighting_to_lower_my_baby_daddys_custody/
maybe spend less time on aita getting validation and seek therapy instead.
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nta. you’re right, he isn’t there day in and out and during the thick of so no, he doesn’t get a say in her sleep schedule.
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nta, but if you argue with him too much about it he can take you to court and, judging by what you said about him as a parent, he very well may win some of his own physical time and certainly shared legal custody. so if you’re not looking for that battle you might need to be more flexible.
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nta. unless he is coming over in the morning to deal with it, bed time is bed time. it’s important for kids that age to have a set schedule anyways but sucks he may not get to see the kid if he gets off late, but that’s life
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nta but my soon-to-be-but-not-soon-enough-ex-husband motioned the court because we couldn't agree on parenting time for our newborn infant and the judge awarded my toddler-slapping, throwing-a-plate-at-his-wife-in-front-of-his-children dh parenting time twice during the week of 5pm to 9pm at his home 25 minutes away from my home (and one less inconvenient 4.5 hour slot on the weekend) so we are lucky to be asleep by 11pm. so if he tries to go the legal route, you may want to compromise.
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nta- your kid needs proper sleep. he chose not to have a more intimate home life with you and the child , therefore he also chose to sacrifice a lot of time with her. he can’t throw a fit about his own choices. and you don’t need to inconvenience yourself or your baby for a man that made those choices in the first place. you have sole custody, you know what your child needs and you set the schedule. you’re not withholding her from him, which is great. he can choose to make it work or he can fuck right off.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i had a baby in december and the father and i have never been married nor living together. he has two kids from a previous marriage and he's a great dad so he's present in her life, but he chose not to live with us. right now i have sole legal and physical custody (no legal advice please, i assure you we have it under control but i just don't think it's necessary to this story). we came up with a parenting time schedule 4 months ago where, for the time being, he comes over 3 evenings a week and spends 3 hours during the day with her on saturday. he gets off work anywhere between 4 and 6 pm and he stays until 8 or 9 depending on what time he gets here (he likes to stay after she falls asleep just in case she wakes up so he can help her fall back asleep or spend more time with her). we wake up at 6 am because i work at 8, i have to take her to daycare and then come back home to get ready for work. through trial and error a few months ago i have found at a 6 or 7pm bedtime is best for her (time shifts based on when her last nap of the day ends). her father keeps bringing this up because it's inconvenient for him on the days he gets off work later. he bitches about it and wants her to stay awake later despite how it causes obvious problems with her wake up and naps. that and other similar issues caused a rift and i told him, look, you don't live with her and it doesn't make sense for you to have a say in her day to day care. he says he's her father so regardless of how much time he spends with her, he should have a say in everything. bigger decisions sure, but daily routine? if i'm the one making a routine with our daughter in my home 90% of the time, it doesn't make any sense to me for him to have a say in how i handle our day to day life when he isn't around. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i had a baby in december and the father and i have never been married nor living together. he has two kids from a previous marriage and he's a great dad so he's present in her life, but he chose not to live with us. right now i have sole legal and physical custody (no legal advice please, i assure you we have it under control but i just don't think it's necessary to this story). we came up with a parenting time schedule 4 months ago where, for the time being, he comes over 3 evenings a week and spends 3 hours during the day with her on saturday. he gets off work anywhere between 4 and 6 pm and he stays until 8 or 9 depending on what time he gets here (he likes to stay after she falls asleep just in case she wakes up so he can help her fall back asleep or spend more time with her). we wake up at 6 am because i work at 8, i have to take her to daycare and then come back home to get ready for work. through trial and error a few months ago i have found at a 6 or 7pm bedtime is best for her (time shifts based on when her last nap of the day ends). her father keeps bringing this up because it's inconvenient for him on the days he gets off work later. he bitches about it and wants her to stay awake later despite how it causes obvious problems with her wake up and naps. that and other similar issues caused a rift and i told him, look, you don't live with her and it doesn't make sense for you to have a say in her day to day care. he says he's her father so regardless of how much time he spends with her, he should have a say in everything. bigger decisions sure, but daily routine? if i'm the one making a routine with our daughter in my home 90% of the time, it doesn't make any sense to me for him to have a say in how i handle our day to day life when he isn't around. aita? [/INST] nta. you are responding to the scheduled she is setting, which is thoroughly reasonable for her. and for you. if he wants more time with her while she's conscious, he will need to be there different days and times. </s>
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AITA for yelling at my sister in law?
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context here: i'm an ex heroin addict. the why and how isn't important, but i got hooked at 15, tried to get clean at 17 but relapsed hard, finally got my act together and got off it for good at 21. i'm 26 now and completely clean. i don't even drink, except for on special occasions where i'll have two or three drinks at most.
now, my older brother and his wife have been together since shortly before i had my bad relapse, and she's convinced that i'm just a ticking time bomb waiting to relapse again. the first year or so, i understood her concerns and she wasn't the only person who had them. however, it's been almost six years since i was anywhere near the stuff and she *still* won't have that i'm gonna stay clean.
she's very vocal about these concerns, too. if i get sick, she tells our entire family that she thinks i've relapsed again and i'm having withdrawals. she made a huge scene on christmas day two years ago because i had a cold and was a bit sniffly and she decided that i must have been doing a ton of coke. if anything goes missing from any of the family's houses, she accuses me of having stolen it for drug money. i mostly just grin and bear it so as not to make waves, but recently she took it a step too far.
i went away recently with some friends. on the first day of my trip, i dropped and broke my phone. because she and my brother were unable to get ahold of me for a few days, she became convinced i had gone on a massive dope bender, and began telling my family and friends that she knew this to be the case. when i got home, i found myself being given an intervention and told how disappointed people were. it was kinda the straw that broke the camel's back, and i sort of flipped at my sister in law. i yelled at her, asking why the fuck she doesn't trust me and why she's so hellbent on undermining my success and believing that i'm incapable of staying clean. she got upset and told me she was only concerned for my wellbeing, but i said imo that's bullshit; at this point it's absolutely about her not having faith in me and if she feels that way she should stay the fuck out of my business. at that point she started crying and she and my brother left. i'm being told left and right that i'm an asshole and ungrateful because she's only looking out for me and i need to apologise, but i'm still upset that she evidently believes i'm incapable of doing this. aita?
| 21,865 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cb10pv/aita_for_yelling_at_my_sister_in_law/
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2019-07-09 13:40:37
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nta. not only do you have to keep a straight head because you’re being mindful that you did in fact have a drug problem before, but you also have to deal with someone constantly accusing you of something you worked so hard to overcome? you have every right to be angry and annoyed.
also i don’t think she doesn’t trust you; i think she likes to be the center of attention and wants you to fail so she can say i told you so
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nta first off congrats on staying clean for nearly 6 years! second like you said it’s been six years since you went near it and she is still not capable to accept that you are clean, the fact that she still gossips about “being right” is just sickening
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nta. my sister is a recovering addict. your sil is endangering your sobriety by undermining you and refusing to let you flourish. piss in a cup, prove you're clean and tell your family they better have more to go on if they ever stage an intervention on her whims again.
congratulations on making it this far. you're kicking ass.
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nta -
your sil needs to reevaluate her feelings towards you, and keep her trap shut. there’s absolutely no reason to try to undermine you and put your own family against you.
i’m so proud of you for getting and staying clean, i know it’s hard on a person to stay in recovery. keep doing you and be healthy and maybe she will finally see straight and get over herself.
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nta.
listen, addiction is a really difficult subject. it effects the family as well. and technically once an addict always an addict.
with that being said: congratulations!! being straight that long is amazing. i've heard day 1 is just as hard as day 1000 but it sounds like you're not getting complacent, which is super important. "i can handle one hit" always turns into a bender.
i can see your family being concerned but the fact that it's her go to, that you're automatically thought to be at fault when anything is "missing" or that you can't go a few days without talking to people without them worried is probably really hard since you're an adult and they're treating you like a child.
i feel like she'll never be satistifed. you could do drug tests every 3 months and she'd ask for monthly. hell, you could do them monthly and she'd say you must have bought clean urine.
there's, unfortunately, no really good solution here. make it clear that you don't ever want to go back to that behaviors and that you understand where she's coming from but that she needs to respect that if something happens and you relapse you'll let them know (because things happen) but that you're really happy with your life right now and constantly being reminded of your past issues and it sort of being expected that it'll happen again is really making it hard to live your life the way you need to.
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nta. “you are incapable of staying clean, you junkie! but i only care about your well being” lol what a load of bs. people like our family always fall for that.
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nta: trust has to happen at some point. she is just watching and hoping you fail so she's "right" about you. what a wretched witch.
&#x200b;
addicts need support for success. all she's doing is tearing you down at every opportunity.
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nta.
organizing an intervention because you were out of contact while on a trip with friends? telling people you relapse every time you get sick? sounds like she might have some issues going on that she doesn't want a light pointed on.
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nta. what is this woman, junkie javert? does she at least call you by your name, or does she stick with 24601?
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nta, if it’s as you say it is she should fuck off. imo it would be very therapeutic and probably good for everyone else involved if op started sticking up for themselves more with her. if your family is staging an intervention, it’s because they believe these same things. you put her on blast, they will think you have nothing left to hide from. sometimes you have to have your own back before anyone else is going to have it for you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: context here: i'm an ex heroin addict. the why and how isn't important, but i got hooked at 15, tried to get clean at 17 but relapsed hard, finally got my act together and got off it for good at 21. i'm 26 now and completely clean. i don't even drink, except for on special occasions where i'll have two or three drinks at most. now, my older brother and his wife have been together since shortly before i had my bad relapse, and she's convinced that i'm just a ticking time bomb waiting to relapse again. the first year or so, i understood her concerns and she wasn't the only person who had them. however, it's been almost six years since i was anywhere near the stuff and she *still* won't have that i'm gonna stay clean. she's very vocal about these concerns, too. if i get sick, she tells our entire family that she thinks i've relapsed again and i'm having withdrawals. she made a huge scene on christmas day two years ago because i had a cold and was a bit sniffly and she decided that i must have been doing a ton of coke. if anything goes missing from any of the family's houses, she accuses me of having stolen it for drug money. i mostly just grin and bear it so as not to make waves, but recently she took it a step too far. i went away recently with some friends. on the first day of my trip, i dropped and broke my phone. because she and my brother were unable to get ahold of me for a few days, she became convinced i had gone on a massive dope bender, and began telling my family and friends that she knew this to be the case. when i got home, i found myself being given an intervention and told how disappointed people were. it was kinda the straw that broke the camel's back, and i sort of flipped at my sister in law. i yelled at her, asking why the fuck she doesn't trust me and why she's so hellbent on undermining my success and believing that i'm incapable of staying clean. she got upset and told me she was only concerned for my wellbeing, but i said imo that's bullshit; at this point it's absolutely about her not having faith in me and if she feels that way she should stay the fuck out of my business. at that point she started crying and she and my brother left. i'm being told left and right that i'm an asshole and ungrateful because she's only looking out for me and i need to apologise, but i'm still upset that she evidently believes i'm incapable of doing this. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
context here: i'm an ex heroin addict. the why and how isn't important, but i got hooked at 15, tried to get clean at 17 but relapsed hard, finally got my act together and got off it for good at 21. i'm 26 now and completely clean. i don't even drink, except for on special occasions where i'll have two or three drinks at most. now, my older brother and his wife have been together since shortly before i had my bad relapse, and she's convinced that i'm just a ticking time bomb waiting to relapse again. the first year or so, i understood her concerns and she wasn't the only person who had them. however, it's been almost six years since i was anywhere near the stuff and she *still* won't have that i'm gonna stay clean. she's very vocal about these concerns, too. if i get sick, she tells our entire family that she thinks i've relapsed again and i'm having withdrawals. she made a huge scene on christmas day two years ago because i had a cold and was a bit sniffly and she decided that i must have been doing a ton of coke. if anything goes missing from any of the family's houses, she accuses me of having stolen it for drug money. i mostly just grin and bear it so as not to make waves, but recently she took it a step too far. i went away recently with some friends. on the first day of my trip, i dropped and broke my phone. because she and my brother were unable to get ahold of me for a few days, she became convinced i had gone on a massive dope bender, and began telling my family and friends that she knew this to be the case. when i got home, i found myself being given an intervention and told how disappointed people were. it was kinda the straw that broke the camel's back, and i sort of flipped at my sister in law. i yelled at her, asking why the fuck she doesn't trust me and why she's so hellbent on undermining my success and believing that i'm incapable of staying clean. she got upset and told me she was only concerned for my wellbeing, but i said imo that's bullshit; at this point it's absolutely about her not having faith in me and if she feels that way she should stay the fuck out of my business. at that point she started crying and she and my brother left. i'm being told left and right that i'm an asshole and ungrateful because she's only looking out for me and i need to apologise, but i'm still upset that she evidently believes i'm incapable of doing this. aita? [/INST] nta. not only do you have to keep a straight head because you’re being mindful that you did in fact have a drug problem before, but you also have to deal with someone constantly accusing you of something you worked so hard to overcome? you have every right to be angry and annoyed. also i don’t think she doesn’t trust you; i think she likes to be the center of attention and wants you to fail so she can say i told you so </s>
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AITA For coming home and disturbing my partner in the middle of the night?
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i live with my partner. it was midnight, and i needed to come home after a party i was at. i was sober, it was a 2 hour drive, but was having a small(!) mental health crisis and just needed to come home.
my partner has not been sleeping well lately. she was looking forward to having the bed to herself. she goes to sleep early.
i arrive at 2am. i quietly try to enter the house, but my partner has left the key in the lock, and when you do this, you cannot unlock it from outside. i'm forced to call and wake her up, as there is no other way in. she lets me in, goes up stairs, kicks me out of the bedroom and i have to sleep in the spare room. again i would like to point out that i was quiet, sober, and just wanted my bed.
in the morning, i'm a little annoyed at the key being left in the door (i'm constantly asking her not to do that), and miffed cause i just wanted a hug! i come down stairs and she's furious with me that i woke her up at 2am. i try to tell her that i messaged her when i left, and just needed to come home, but she thinks you don't just turn up in the middle of the night , even if it's your home that you share.
aita for turning up at 2pm and waking my partner because she locked me out?
| 196 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r8nhbo/aita_for_coming_home_and_disturbing_my_partner_in/
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2021-12-04 11:08:37
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nta. your partner left the key in the lock, so you couldn't enter without waking her up. that's on her, not you.
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nta
i get why she was annoyed, no one likes to be woken up at 2am but damn if my partner turned up in the middle of the night i'd be worried and definitely not pissed to the point i'd kick them out of our bedroom and then continue to be angry the next morning. especially since all of this could've been avoided if she didn't leave the key in the door which you have told her before not to do. did you tell her the reason why you came home this late?
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nta.
she’s free to be annoyed by the change in plans if she feels that way, but you’re free to come home to your own space without getting permission. like you were having a rough time. would she have been as upset if you had gotten sick and needed to come home?
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nah. she is frustrated because she isn't sleeping well. you wanted to come home. give each other some space.
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esh everyone keeps saying she "locked you out of your house" but that's not exactly true. she was a woman staying alone and took extra precautions to feel safe. it's weird to me that people are acting as if it were petty or in ill will. even the reasons she was upset with you seem to come from safety-she's right that if you have been able to let yourself in and woken her up it would have been *terrifying.* you definitely should have called when you changed your plans.
however, i don't get the whole kicking you out of bed thing, it seems unnecessary. i just really want everyone in this thread to think about *why* she would make it harder to enter the house when she's staying in it alone. as someone with similar fears as her, i would probably be pretty irrational too! it's still a little extra though.
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nta, she locked you out of your own bloody house, that’s her own fault. why does she leave the key in the door? is she scared someone’s gonna break in? or is it just convenient for her? maybe replace the door-handle with a type that you can lock by pressing a button without needing a key? that way she won’t forget the key in the lock
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nta but your partner is nta too. i think there has been a miscommunication about you coming home. if she thought you wouldn't come home, it is understandable she locked the door (she might be afraid of burglars) and you can't really be mad for it. i think maybe next time tell her that you plan to come home in the middle of the night and if she has trouble sleeping it is a great idea that one of you sleep in the guest room (maybe try alternating who is sleeping there). it is equally important that she gets her sleep and that you get a bed to sleep on. (but you can't really be mad at her for not wanting a hug when you wake her up at 2...)
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info: what is her mental health like?
everyone is asking why she's so angry like they've never been irrational after long periods of time without sleep. is she not sleeping because of her own mental health issues or because of random choices (staying out late with friends/playing games late/etc)?
(does having the key in the lock make her feel safer when you're gone since nobody can open or unlock the door?).
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nta: it's your home. sometimes things happen when you're out and you need to come home. it's not like you were wasted or belligerent--you just wanted to sleep. it's as much your home as it is hers and you deserve a safe place that you can come to when you need it.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| null | 0.058561 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i live with my partner. it was midnight, and i needed to come home after a party i was at. i was sober, it was a 2 hour drive, but was having a small(!) mental health crisis and just needed to come home. my partner has not been sleeping well lately. she was looking forward to having the bed to herself. she goes to sleep early. i arrive at 2am. i quietly try to enter the house, but my partner has left the key in the lock, and when you do this, you cannot unlock it from outside. i'm forced to call and wake her up, as there is no other way in. she lets me in, goes up stairs, kicks me out of the bedroom and i have to sleep in the spare room. again i would like to point out that i was quiet, sober, and just wanted my bed. in the morning, i'm a little annoyed at the key being left in the door (i'm constantly asking her not to do that), and miffed cause i just wanted a hug! i come down stairs and she's furious with me that i woke her up at 2am. i try to tell her that i messaged her when i left, and just needed to come home, but she thinks you don't just turn up in the middle of the night , even if it's your home that you share. aita for turning up at 2pm and waking my partner because she locked me out?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i live with my partner. it was midnight, and i needed to come home after a party i was at. i was sober, it was a 2 hour drive, but was having a small(!) mental health crisis and just needed to come home. my partner has not been sleeping well lately. she was looking forward to having the bed to herself. she goes to sleep early. i arrive at 2am. i quietly try to enter the house, but my partner has left the key in the lock, and when you do this, you cannot unlock it from outside. i'm forced to call and wake her up, as there is no other way in. she lets me in, goes up stairs, kicks me out of the bedroom and i have to sleep in the spare room. again i would like to point out that i was quiet, sober, and just wanted my bed. in the morning, i'm a little annoyed at the key being left in the door (i'm constantly asking her not to do that), and miffed cause i just wanted a hug! i come down stairs and she's furious with me that i woke her up at 2am. i try to tell her that i messaged her when i left, and just needed to come home, but she thinks you don't just turn up in the middle of the night , even if it's your home that you share. aita for turning up at 2pm and waking my partner because she locked me out? [/INST] nta. your partner left the key in the lock, so you couldn't enter without waking her up. that's on her, not you. </s>
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AITA for refusing to pay a “late move-out fee,” and for getting a lawyer involved when the complex wouldn’t consider negotiating with me?
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this happened a few years ago when i was a broke college student, but i still wonder about it. after seeing a similar post on here i figured i’d settle it once and for all.
i lived in an apartment complex that, prior to this, wasn’t terrible. they helped me solve a roommate issue and didn’t charge me for damages said roommate caused when he had a bit of a mental break at the end of the semester. so, when i moved out in august, i didn’t regret living there. until october of that year, when i got a call from them regarding an “outstanding balance” that they were going to submit to collections.
figuring they may have gotten their paperwork confused and were trying to get me to pay for my roommate’s damages, i went down to the complex with the paperwork releasing me from those damages in hand. however, they then told me that i owed $200 for a “late move-out.” i was not informed of any such charge when i dropped off my key. they showed me records stating that i dropped off my key at 3pm on move-out day, while it was due at 1pm. as such, they could now charge me a “week of extended rent” due to “inability to fill the vacancy immediately.”
i understand why this rule was in place, but $200 for 2 hours seemed ridiculous to me. i offered to pay an extra day or two of rent, but i did not believe that i really delayed move-in by a week by dropping my key off 2 hours late. i honestly don’t think i delayed it at all, as move-in was scheduled for a week after move-out and i dropped the key off on the same day while the office was still open. they refused and demanded the $200 in full. i basically told them to screw off and that they could send it to collections. part of this was me being petty, and part of it was me literally not having $200 spare after paying for classes, textbooks, and copious amounts of ramen.
i then called my dad about the issue. he is about as petty as me, and said he would get his lawyer involved (i know, stereotypical college kid who’s dad is calling his lawyer). long story short, he managed to find some issues with the contract and the payment was reduced to $50, which i did not mind paying.
anyway, i know that, contractually, the complex was technically correct, as i did drop off my key “late.” however, i maintain that $100/hour is highway robbery. so, aita for making waves over a $200 late fee?
| 171 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ju6dc6/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_a_late_moveout_fee_and/
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2020-11-14 18:13:47
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nta
you weren't being pretty, you were fighting it. $200 is absolutely insane for 2 hours. the fact someone tried to push it after being confronted is even worse and i hope that karma finds the responsible party.
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nta a lot of these places exploit college students' lack of experience with bullshit like this, counting on you not to fight it. given that the lawyer found something wrong with the contract, it couldn't have all been on the up and up.
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nta. im surprised so many comments argue that y t a because you signed a contract and then went through your options with a lawyer. thats part of the purpose of having a contract, that both parties can use both the law and whats written in it to defend their own interests.
i dont understand either why so many people seem to think your father spent a lot of money to get a lawyer to look at a rental contract for his son. i know many that do small, non time consuming favors for friends or to improve business relationships with good clients.
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nta
context matters.
when people talk about college kids getting bailed out by daddy's lawyer, they're talking about hedge fund kids who've never had to work a day in their life. kids who coast through college because they expect to get a job at daddy's office the moment they graduate and don't actually care about learning or improving themselves as human beings, and who never have to face the consequences of their actions which have very real negative effects on other people and which teaches them that they are above other people and they can do whatever they want without ever having to worry about how it effects others.
context matters for contracts too. some people are under the misconception that just because two people write words down on a piece of paper that those two people are now legally bound to commit to whatever the piece of paper says, no matter what it says. that's not the case. contracts need to be reasonable and legally enforceable and adhere to the law.
obviously what that means is going to depend on where you live and what the laws are, but often when it comes to fines, reasonable means "not more than the amount of money the other party lost." no matter what they claim, they did not lose $200 as they already had a tenant lined up to move in.
a $200 late fee for dropping the key off 2 hours late is not reasonable. the $50 fee is much more reasonable.
and, as you detailed in another response:
> \[the contract said\] "$200/extra day of rent outside of the lease,” and since i vacated the apartment on the same day as move-out, they settled on $50 rather than risk getting nothing.
this is even more proof that they were being predatory and that you actually did not break the lease. they were not awarded $50. they settled for $50 because they realized their own lease was working against them in this situation.
you weren't using daddy's lawyer to escape the consequences of your actions. you were using daddy's lawyer to protect yourself from being taken advantage of by a predatory contract.
having access to a lawyer doesn't make you a spoiled little rich kid avoiding your problems. it does make you privileged, but that it not a bad thing. a lot of people do not have the privilege of a lawyer to protect themselves from predatory contracts or landlords like you did in this case and they would likely have been on the hook for collections of the $200 without a way to fight or contest it. you're not an asshole. you're lucky.
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nta. fuck those guys, hoping to make a quick buck with no work
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nta because alab
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nta it’s seems obvious that it wasn’t an issue for the landlord/company if they were able to drop the charge from $200 to $50. no harm done, and fuck landlords
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this happened a few years ago when i was a broke college student, but i still wonder about it. after seeing a similar post on here i figured i’d settle it once and for all. i lived in an apartment complex that, prior to this, wasn’t terrible. they helped me solve a roommate issue and didn’t charge me for damages said roommate caused when he had a bit of a mental break at the end of the semester. so, when i moved out in august, i didn’t regret living there. until october of that year, when i got a call from them regarding an “outstanding balance” that they were going to submit to collections. figuring they may have gotten their paperwork confused and were trying to get me to pay for my roommate’s damages, i went down to the complex with the paperwork releasing me from those damages in hand. however, they then told me that i owed $200 for a “late move-out.” i was not informed of any such charge when i dropped off my key. they showed me records stating that i dropped off my key at 3pm on move-out day, while it was due at 1pm. as such, they could now charge me a “week of extended rent” due to “inability to fill the vacancy immediately.” i understand why this rule was in place, but $200 for 2 hours seemed ridiculous to me. i offered to pay an extra day or two of rent, but i did not believe that i really delayed move-in by a week by dropping my key off 2 hours late. i honestly don’t think i delayed it at all, as move-in was scheduled for a week after move-out and i dropped the key off on the same day while the office was still open. they refused and demanded the $200 in full. i basically told them to screw off and that they could send it to collections. part of this was me being petty, and part of it was me literally not having $200 spare after paying for classes, textbooks, and copious amounts of ramen. i then called my dad about the issue. he is about as petty as me, and said he would get his lawyer involved (i know, stereotypical college kid who’s dad is calling his lawyer). long story short, he managed to find some issues with the contract and the payment was reduced to $50, which i did not mind paying. anyway, i know that, contractually, the complex was technically correct, as i did drop off my key “late.” however, i maintain that $100/hour is highway robbery. so, aita for making waves over a $200 late fee?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this happened a few years ago when i was a broke college student, but i still wonder about it. after seeing a similar post on here i figured i’d settle it once and for all. i lived in an apartment complex that, prior to this, wasn’t terrible. they helped me solve a roommate issue and didn’t charge me for damages said roommate caused when he had a bit of a mental break at the end of the semester. so, when i moved out in august, i didn’t regret living there. until october of that year, when i got a call from them regarding an “outstanding balance” that they were going to submit to collections. figuring they may have gotten their paperwork confused and were trying to get me to pay for my roommate’s damages, i went down to the complex with the paperwork releasing me from those damages in hand. however, they then told me that i owed $200 for a “late move-out.” i was not informed of any such charge when i dropped off my key. they showed me records stating that i dropped off my key at 3pm on move-out day, while it was due at 1pm. as such, they could now charge me a “week of extended rent” due to “inability to fill the vacancy immediately.” i understand why this rule was in place, but $200 for 2 hours seemed ridiculous to me. i offered to pay an extra day or two of rent, but i did not believe that i really delayed move-in by a week by dropping my key off 2 hours late. i honestly don’t think i delayed it at all, as move-in was scheduled for a week after move-out and i dropped the key off on the same day while the office was still open. they refused and demanded the $200 in full. i basically told them to screw off and that they could send it to collections. part of this was me being petty, and part of it was me literally not having $200 spare after paying for classes, textbooks, and copious amounts of ramen. i then called my dad about the issue. he is about as petty as me, and said he would get his lawyer involved (i know, stereotypical college kid who’s dad is calling his lawyer). long story short, he managed to find some issues with the contract and the payment was reduced to $50, which i did not mind paying. anyway, i know that, contractually, the complex was technically correct, as i did drop off my key “late.” however, i maintain that $100/hour is highway robbery. so, aita for making waves over a $200 late fee? [/INST] nta you weren't being pretty, you were fighting it. $200 is absolutely insane for 2 hours. the fact someone tried to push it after being confronted is even worse and i hope that karma finds the responsible party. </s>
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AITA for lying to my husband about going to the gym?
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ok so here's the basics, i (27 f) have been married to my husband (34m) for two years. we have two kids (11m, he's adopted and 1m). and he's a super fit guy. he likes to go camping, hiking swimming etc with our adopted son, i think that's why he wanted to adopt a kid tbh.
i am not overweight or anything, but i'm not exactly in good shape. we tried to go on a family camping trip last fall but after about an hour i was just destroyed and we had to go back to the car. i hate working out, i hate being sweaty and working hard. but he was really upset with me. he thought that i was keeping in shape during the day because i'm a stay at home mom, he doesn't understand how much work a baby is. he works in it so he spends all day sitting, not on his feet.
now, i promised to get in better shape, so he started paying for a professional child career to come over and look after the baby for two hours a day to give me a break, and signed me up for a gym. but after a month he came home angry and told me he talked to the gym and they hadn't seen me come in once. i told him it was a mixed gym and i'm not comfortable working out around men. i promised him i'd join curves and actually work out, and offered him he could track my phone to prove i was going. he already insists on tracking our older son's phone, and lets me and our son track him. but ive always made excuses. i just think it's creepy and controlling.
so i drive to the gym and i think... i hate the gym. i hate working out, and i'm an adult god damn it! so i just waited in my car. sometimes i wait in the café next to the gym or something. but i just haven't gone to the gym at al for the last two months. and he keeps asking me how i'm feeling and i keep saying it's great and i'm enjoying it. but yesterday he was waiting for me when i came home. he asked me how the gym was and i said it was great. he asked if i have any problems and i said no. asked me if i showered at the gym and i said yeah,. then he pulled out my gym bag. he took it out of my car two days ago. he realized i never washed my gym clothes .
he's pissed, says i lied to him . i told him he kept pressuring me and it's making me really uncomfortable. he' been sleeping in his home office for the last week. i don't get the big deal, i told him i'll go to the gym for real but he says he doesn't care anymore and walks away.
| 5,448 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/se23f4/aita_for_lying_to_my_husband_about_going_to_the/
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2022-01-27 16:19:48
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yta...to yourself. you're in a relationship where you have to lie. you're in a relationship with a man who calls a gym to check up on you. you're in a relationship with someone who is not respecting your wishes and your contributions. be better to yourself by standing up for yourself.
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esh. your husband sounds controlling but that doesn't make it ok that you straight up lied to him about it. if you didn't want to go to the gym you should have told him that. you guys have issues you need to work out asap.
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esh.
you, for lying and not standing up for yourself. allowing him to pay for childcare and a gym, and then repeatedly making up reasons for not going. you could have had a simple conversation with him in regards to why you didn’t want to go or work out and that you hate it.
him, for displaying controlling behavior and treating you like a child. which, if my partner was lying and hiding stuff…i would want to find out as well and i’d probably do the same thing.
the trust in your relationship has been fundamentally broken.
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yta. you're not "an adult, god damn it." you're a tweenager promising to brush your teeth and are throwing a tantrum because you got caught with a bone-dry toothbrush. actually talk to your husband, explain your feelings towards exercise, and don't be surprised when your 2 hour breaks disappear. it's not a healthy relationship if he continues to pressure you to get in better shape after an honest heart to heart, but i don't think asking for you to last longer than an hour on a hike is a terribly burdensome request. you either care enough about joining him in his favorite hobbies or you don't. conversely he either accepts your current refusal to be honest, and your apparent future refusal to put effort into the activities he enjoys, or he doesn't..
either way you slice it you both have important decisions to make regarding this relationship.
(i personally dislike tracking family for technological and privacy reasons, but at least it was reciprocal and up front)
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yta, definitely. you made a promise, your husband paid money to allow you to keep it; you broke your promise, then you lied about it. you've had two months to "be an adult" and state your case, but you just lied over and over and over.
i do not blame your husband for walking away. you have established a pattern of being untrustworthy; no-one wants that in a partner. *especially* if that duplicity comes bundled with throwing away money that could have been used for something else; eg. something for you to actually do during your daily break.
(as for the "creepy and controlling" bit: both of you *offered* to let the other track your phone, and in both cases the other *declined*. he called the first gym... why? if it was to check up on your attendance, that could be considered controlling. but you don't say, so i have to assume that he was trying to set up payment for the next month, a completely innocent act.)
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yta.
i was going to say e s h but then i read some of your comments and changed my mind.
i think you are a compulsive liar. it is fine if you do not want to work out, but you lied repeatedly to your husband and used fictitious reasoning to perpetuate that lie. in the comments you said you were a "single mother", which doesn't make sense according to your post talking about your *husband* and that you were a stay at home mom. that is not the type of thing someone who is married with kids would say, but it's definitely the sort of thing a compulsive liar would say who accidentally revealed something important when they were getting called out on their lies.
so i don't believe anything you say, because you appear to have such a complicated relationship with the truth that it is too hard to figure out what is real and what is a lie. you are probably more out of shape than you said in this post, but really who knows. you are not reliable and not believable in any way if you say one thing in your post and something else in the comments.
i do not believe your relationship is going to get better until you can address your love of lying.
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esh.
he shouldn’t be pressuring you about the gym if you don’t want to go, but that doesn’t excuse you lying to him. you guys sound like you have much bigger problems than a gym bro and a sahm who doesn’t want to work out.
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yta. you're "an adult god damn it," so act like it and tell your husband that you're not interested in going to the gym, and while you support him doing his thing, you're not doing it. if you want a compromise, invest in a treadmill so you can get used to basic hikes.
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yta
1. you lied repeatedly to him - while he was paying for services.
2. your lack of communication skills - "you are an adult" then act like it and tell him no you don't want to.
3. you don't get the big deal? if your partner was to repeatedly lie to your face about things involving your time/spending would you not be concerned?
4. is it pressuring you if you said you were up for it and wanted to go and gave false reasons as to why you hadn't? i'd say probably not.
at the end of the day you are a liar, he might have some weird/obsessive body ideals but i know which one is more likely to wreck your relationship.
once the trust is broken it is very hard to get back. i wouldn't blame him for walking away.
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honestly yta for lying and after reading this and your comments you're coming off as bratty and entitled. your husband is being controlling and he sucks too. but i'd also be genuinely concerned if my partner wasn't healthy enough to make it an hour into a hike. that doesn't give him the right to track your phone and check up on the gym, but he does have a place to be concerned about your health. and the lying isn't acceptable either.
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.005155 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok so here's the basics, i (27 f) have been married to my husband (34m) for two years. we have two kids (11m, he's adopted and 1m). and he's a super fit guy. he likes to go camping, hiking swimming etc with our adopted son, i think that's why he wanted to adopt a kid tbh. i am not overweight or anything, but i'm not exactly in good shape. we tried to go on a family camping trip last fall but after about an hour i was just destroyed and we had to go back to the car. i hate working out, i hate being sweaty and working hard. but he was really upset with me. he thought that i was keeping in shape during the day because i'm a stay at home mom, he doesn't understand how much work a baby is. he works in it so he spends all day sitting, not on his feet. now, i promised to get in better shape, so he started paying for a professional child career to come over and look after the baby for two hours a day to give me a break, and signed me up for a gym. but after a month he came home angry and told me he talked to the gym and they hadn't seen me come in once. i told him it was a mixed gym and i'm not comfortable working out around men. i promised him i'd join curves and actually work out, and offered him he could track my phone to prove i was going. he already insists on tracking our older son's phone, and lets me and our son track him. but ive always made excuses. i just think it's creepy and controlling. so i drive to the gym and i think... i hate the gym. i hate working out, and i'm an adult god damn it! so i just waited in my car. sometimes i wait in the café next to the gym or something. but i just haven't gone to the gym at al for the last two months. and he keeps asking me how i'm feeling and i keep saying it's great and i'm enjoying it. but yesterday he was waiting for me when i came home. he asked me how the gym was and i said it was great. he asked if i have any problems and i said no. asked me if i showered at the gym and i said yeah,. then he pulled out my gym bag. he took it out of my car two days ago. he realized i never washed my gym clothes . he's pissed, says i lied to him . i told him he kept pressuring me and it's making me really uncomfortable. he' been sleeping in his home office for the last week. i don't get the big deal, i told him i'll go to the gym for real but he says he doesn't care anymore and walks away.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ok so here's the basics, i (27 f) have been married to my husband (34m) for two years. we have two kids (11m, he's adopted and 1m). and he's a super fit guy. he likes to go camping, hiking swimming etc with our adopted son, i think that's why he wanted to adopt a kid tbh. i am not overweight or anything, but i'm not exactly in good shape. we tried to go on a family camping trip last fall but after about an hour i was just destroyed and we had to go back to the car. i hate working out, i hate being sweaty and working hard. but he was really upset with me. he thought that i was keeping in shape during the day because i'm a stay at home mom, he doesn't understand how much work a baby is. he works in it so he spends all day sitting, not on his feet. now, i promised to get in better shape, so he started paying for a professional child career to come over and look after the baby for two hours a day to give me a break, and signed me up for a gym. but after a month he came home angry and told me he talked to the gym and they hadn't seen me come in once. i told him it was a mixed gym and i'm not comfortable working out around men. i promised him i'd join curves and actually work out, and offered him he could track my phone to prove i was going. he already insists on tracking our older son's phone, and lets me and our son track him. but ive always made excuses. i just think it's creepy and controlling. so i drive to the gym and i think... i hate the gym. i hate working out, and i'm an adult god damn it! so i just waited in my car. sometimes i wait in the café next to the gym or something. but i just haven't gone to the gym at al for the last two months. and he keeps asking me how i'm feeling and i keep saying it's great and i'm enjoying it. but yesterday he was waiting for me when i came home. he asked me how the gym was and i said it was great. he asked if i have any problems and i said no. asked me if i showered at the gym and i said yeah,. then he pulled out my gym bag. he took it out of my car two days ago. he realized i never washed my gym clothes . he's pissed, says i lied to him . i told him he kept pressuring me and it's making me really uncomfortable. he' been sleeping in his home office for the last week. i don't get the big deal, i told him i'll go to the gym for real but he says he doesn't care anymore and walks away. [/INST] yta...to yourself. you're in a relationship where you have to lie. you're in a relationship with a man who calls a gym to check up on you. you're in a relationship with someone who is not respecting your wishes and your contributions. be better to yourself by standing up for yourself. </s>
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AITA for telling my sister my oldest daughter will not be in her wedding?
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my sister (35f) is getting married this summer. for the sake of total transparency i am considering not attending because we had a fight, which led to mostly non-contact (with the exception of seeing her once and then her reaching out to me regarding the topic of this post), a couple of years ago and i don't expect anything to change. despite us not being close she reached out and asked for our oldest daughter to be in her wedding as a junior bridesmaid come older flower girl. just the oldest girl. we have five kids.
her relationship with my kids, specifically my two daughters, is part of the reason we fought in the first place. she was all about how cute, pretty, sweet and adorable the oldest is and just generally fawned all over her, while never ever paying that kind of attention to my younger daughter or my boys. i asked her to stop. i reminded her that the other kids could hear, and so could my oldest, and i didn't want her to place all her value in how she looked, but my sister refused to stop. my final straw and what led to our fight was my youngest straight up asked her if she looked as pretty and my sister ignored her entirely and kept saying how pretty my oldest was. i took her aside and told her she was not being kind with all those comments. she argued back that my oldest is the one who'll be admired for her looks her whole life and we need to learn to accept that. i told her she had used her last chance and to leave my family alone until she can realize how wrong she was.
this is the reason i'm not even sure we'll go. but her asking for my oldest to be in the wedding set off alarm bells that she will pull the same crap, and might even go more overboard because she'll get to decide how she dresses and what her hair would look like. i said no without considering it. to me it feels icky given the context.
my sister is mad and my parents think it's wrong to deprive my oldest of the choice, because i never asked her if she'd like to. my sister said her wedding day would be perfect with my daughter there and i'm spoiling it and punishing her for petty reasons.
aita?
| 4,651 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v8e1ki/aita_for_telling_my_sister_my_oldest_daughter/
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2022-06-09 10:47:27
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nta. your sister is ruining the self-image of your children. you are completely justified in going no contact. your oldest daughter might be mad now, but it’s time to defend your youngest children.
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nta. i honestly struggle to understand why you would even consider going, or letting your oldest go (ofc i know why, toxic family can warp reality in all kinds of wild ways, but from the outside it seems like a clear-cut run for the hills situation). this behavior would be so easy for your sister to just not do if she had the tiniest scrap of respect for you and your children. it absolutely can screw up your kids (including your oldest) to be treated like this, and your gut feeling is right.
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she just wants the reflected glory of the decorative effect of your daughter. she doesn’t genuinely care about her as a human being.
you’re doing the right thing keeping all of your family away from her. nta
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nta. your sister has even said she only cares about the oldest, i fear for her own children if/when she has them. i would vote not going to the wedding at all, send a gift and take all your beautiful children to something fun. it might seem petty for some people but your kids' happiness is more important than her special day.
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>my sister said her wedding day would be perfect with my daughter there and i'm spoiling it and punishing her for petty reasons.
she spoiled her own wedding by being such an asshole weirdo about your oldest child. if she does have kids, i pity them deeply if their mother is so shameless about favoritism already.
also, your parents suck for siding with your sister. let me guess... she might have learned the favoritism from dear old mom and dad?
either way, nta.
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nta i think you need to protect your kids from your sister’s obsession with appearance
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nta. fwiw, you are the biggest influence in your children’s lives. it is very hard for an external force to instil a value in your child when you are providing an excellent example.
which you are. refusing to send just your “pretty” daughter to a wedding to be a showpiece is *showing* your daughters - both of them - how to behave. it’s directly teaching them not to associate with people who value looks over everything, not to allow people to be excluded based on looks, and not to accept a role from someone who is actively harming a person you care about.
this is an excellent parenting moment. good work, op.
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nta. you're the parent -- you're under no obligation to ask your daughter if she wants to be in the wedding. it's your job to protect your children from toxic people like this.
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nta sister can get a real doll to play dress up games
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nta - i don’t know how old your daughter is, but you’re her mother so it’s absolutely fine for you to decide for her. if this is junior bridesmaid/older flower girl age, she’s young.
young people might like to do all kinds of things they’d be better off not doing, and being turned into a barbie doll by your rather odd and annoying sounding sister fits firmly under that umbrella.
society fucks us up enough about beauty standards without our immediate family going out of their way to contribute.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister (35f) is getting married this summer. for the sake of total transparency i am considering not attending because we had a fight, which led to mostly non-contact (with the exception of seeing her once and then her reaching out to me regarding the topic of this post), a couple of years ago and i don't expect anything to change. despite us not being close she reached out and asked for our oldest daughter to be in her wedding as a junior bridesmaid come older flower girl. just the oldest girl. we have five kids. her relationship with my kids, specifically my two daughters, is part of the reason we fought in the first place. she was all about how cute, pretty, sweet and adorable the oldest is and just generally fawned all over her, while never ever paying that kind of attention to my younger daughter or my boys. i asked her to stop. i reminded her that the other kids could hear, and so could my oldest, and i didn't want her to place all her value in how she looked, but my sister refused to stop. my final straw and what led to our fight was my youngest straight up asked her if she looked as pretty and my sister ignored her entirely and kept saying how pretty my oldest was. i took her aside and told her she was not being kind with all those comments. she argued back that my oldest is the one who'll be admired for her looks her whole life and we need to learn to accept that. i told her she had used her last chance and to leave my family alone until she can realize how wrong she was. this is the reason i'm not even sure we'll go. but her asking for my oldest to be in the wedding set off alarm bells that she will pull the same crap, and might even go more overboard because she'll get to decide how she dresses and what her hair would look like. i said no without considering it. to me it feels icky given the context. my sister is mad and my parents think it's wrong to deprive my oldest of the choice, because i never asked her if she'd like to. my sister said her wedding day would be perfect with my daughter there and i'm spoiling it and punishing her for petty reasons. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister (35f) is getting married this summer. for the sake of total transparency i am considering not attending because we had a fight, which led to mostly non-contact (with the exception of seeing her once and then her reaching out to me regarding the topic of this post), a couple of years ago and i don't expect anything to change. despite us not being close she reached out and asked for our oldest daughter to be in her wedding as a junior bridesmaid come older flower girl. just the oldest girl. we have five kids. her relationship with my kids, specifically my two daughters, is part of the reason we fought in the first place. she was all about how cute, pretty, sweet and adorable the oldest is and just generally fawned all over her, while never ever paying that kind of attention to my younger daughter or my boys. i asked her to stop. i reminded her that the other kids could hear, and so could my oldest, and i didn't want her to place all her value in how she looked, but my sister refused to stop. my final straw and what led to our fight was my youngest straight up asked her if she looked as pretty and my sister ignored her entirely and kept saying how pretty my oldest was. i took her aside and told her she was not being kind with all those comments. she argued back that my oldest is the one who'll be admired for her looks her whole life and we need to learn to accept that. i told her she had used her last chance and to leave my family alone until she can realize how wrong she was. this is the reason i'm not even sure we'll go. but her asking for my oldest to be in the wedding set off alarm bells that she will pull the same crap, and might even go more overboard because she'll get to decide how she dresses and what her hair would look like. i said no without considering it. to me it feels icky given the context. my sister is mad and my parents think it's wrong to deprive my oldest of the choice, because i never asked her if she'd like to. my sister said her wedding day would be perfect with my daughter there and i'm spoiling it and punishing her for petty reasons. aita? [/INST] nta. your sister is ruining the self-image of your children. you are completely justified in going no contact. your oldest daughter might be mad now, but it’s time to defend your youngest children. </s>
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AITA for yelling at my mom to get out of my room?
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i (24f) am currently working from home due to heightened covid restrictions and i live with my parents. my mom (50f) is working from home as well and my dad (60m) is a retiree. working from home is not the easiest as my clients tend to use this opportunity to contact me after hours or in the wee morning expecting me to get work done for them etc
so after having 2 consecutive bad days of constantly dealing with mean and nasty clients, i was looking forward to the end of work (7pm) on friday. however, due to unforeseen circumstances i ended up ending work at 9pm instead. at that point in time, i've literally worked for 11hrs and all i wanted to do is to hop into a warm shower, to be left alone to destress/deflate and generally internalized what had been going on for the past week.
welps, my mom had other plans. she came into my room at exactly 9.40pm and the moment she came into my room, i told her politely that i had a really bad day and i want to be left alone for the rest of the night today. she not only refused to acknowledge what i had wanted, but proceed to lie on my bed and talk to me, touching the unopened/half-opened items that i've bought online i had in my room and asking me what they were. i told her repeatedly to get out of my room and leave me alone cause i had a bad day and i really do not want to have any human interactions with anyone. i just wanted to be alone. this commotion then caused my sister (22f) to see it as an opportunity to come in my room cause why wouldn't she? my mom is in my room so she is "entitled" to be in it as well.
my mom proceeded to say that since she is not making any noise in my room, i can just pretend that she isn't around and continue with what i'm doing and just ignore her. i told her this is not how wanting to be left alone works. anyways, this progressed from me politely tell her to leave me alone for the night -> me being frustrated at her and telling her to just leave me room and i will talk to her tomorrow -> me yelling at her and my sister to get out and leave me alone.
after a painful 30min, she finally went out of my room and since there's no drama to watch anymore, my sister automatically leaves. that all happened last night.
today, my mom is refusing to talk to me cause she's being salty over what had happened last night. she said i was being rude to her and now she is having a cold war with me over this situation. aita?
| 569 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nswswk/aita_for_yelling_at_my_mom_to_get_out_of_my_room/
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2021-06-05 14:22:07
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nta.
you asked politely several damned times. that should have been enough.
they only have themselves to blame.
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she's trying to manipulate you into apologizing to her. don't fall for it.
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nta it was your mom and sister that didn't listen. since you work, can't you move put though?
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nta. you tried politely many times to get them to leave. they were being so incredibly rude. i read your comment, maybe it's it's time to say fu to cultural norms and start on a moving out plan
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nta. mother and sister were being entitled. sort of daily occurrence in my home. also are you from india??
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info: do you pay your parents rent?
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nta she intentionally ignored your boundaries and feelings, because she thought, as your mother, she has that right. it’s completely reasonable for you to eventually get emotional in your efforts to make a completely reasonable request for privacy. she drove you to that point, by ignoring you when you asked calmly. i have a parent that does this too (ignores everything i say until i’m driven to tears.) realizing it has been very helpful. you shouldn’t be forced into that state in order to have basic boundaries respected.
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nta.
get a rubber wedge or two for your door and use it when you need alone time. when mom knocks to get in, tell her you are too tired to visit. then do your thing. if she bangs on the door, wear earplugs or noise cancelling headphones to drown out the sound. you are an adult and have a right to privacy in your room. it might be a good idea to make a plan now to move out as soon as the pandemic is finally lessening in a lot of areas. you weren't rude to your mom until she refused to leave your room after multiple polite requests. she was the rude one but since it's her house, she feels entitled.
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get a lock for your door. nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (24f) am currently working from home due to heightened covid restrictions and i live with my parents. my mom (50f) is working from home as well and my dad (60m) is a retiree. working from home is not the easiest as my clients tend to use this opportunity to contact me after hours or in the wee morning expecting me to get work done for them etc so after having 2 consecutive bad days of constantly dealing with mean and nasty clients, i was looking forward to the end of work (7pm) on friday. however, due to unforeseen circumstances i ended up ending work at 9pm instead. at that point in time, i've literally worked for 11hrs and all i wanted to do is to hop into a warm shower, to be left alone to destress/deflate and generally internalized what had been going on for the past week. welps, my mom had other plans. she came into my room at exactly 9.40pm and the moment she came into my room, i told her politely that i had a really bad day and i want to be left alone for the rest of the night today. she not only refused to acknowledge what i had wanted, but proceed to lie on my bed and talk to me, touching the unopened/half-opened items that i've bought online i had in my room and asking me what they were. i told her repeatedly to get out of my room and leave me alone cause i had a bad day and i really do not want to have any human interactions with anyone. i just wanted to be alone. this commotion then caused my sister (22f) to see it as an opportunity to come in my room cause why wouldn't she? my mom is in my room so she is "entitled" to be in it as well. my mom proceeded to say that since she is not making any noise in my room, i can just pretend that she isn't around and continue with what i'm doing and just ignore her. i told her this is not how wanting to be left alone works. anyways, this progressed from me politely tell her to leave me alone for the night -> me being frustrated at her and telling her to just leave me room and i will talk to her tomorrow -> me yelling at her and my sister to get out and leave me alone. after a painful 30min, she finally went out of my room and since there's no drama to watch anymore, my sister automatically leaves. that all happened last night. today, my mom is refusing to talk to me cause she's being salty over what had happened last night. she said i was being rude to her and now she is having a cold war with me over this situation. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (24f) am currently working from home due to heightened covid restrictions and i live with my parents. my mom (50f) is working from home as well and my dad (60m) is a retiree. working from home is not the easiest as my clients tend to use this opportunity to contact me after hours or in the wee morning expecting me to get work done for them etc so after having 2 consecutive bad days of constantly dealing with mean and nasty clients, i was looking forward to the end of work (7pm) on friday. however, due to unforeseen circumstances i ended up ending work at 9pm instead. at that point in time, i've literally worked for 11hrs and all i wanted to do is to hop into a warm shower, to be left alone to destress/deflate and generally internalized what had been going on for the past week. welps, my mom had other plans. she came into my room at exactly 9.40pm and the moment she came into my room, i told her politely that i had a really bad day and i want to be left alone for the rest of the night today. she not only refused to acknowledge what i had wanted, but proceed to lie on my bed and talk to me, touching the unopened/half-opened items that i've bought online i had in my room and asking me what they were. i told her repeatedly to get out of my room and leave me alone cause i had a bad day and i really do not want to have any human interactions with anyone. i just wanted to be alone. this commotion then caused my sister (22f) to see it as an opportunity to come in my room cause why wouldn't she? my mom is in my room so she is "entitled" to be in it as well. my mom proceeded to say that since she is not making any noise in my room, i can just pretend that she isn't around and continue with what i'm doing and just ignore her. i told her this is not how wanting to be left alone works. anyways, this progressed from me politely tell her to leave me alone for the night -> me being frustrated at her and telling her to just leave me room and i will talk to her tomorrow -> me yelling at her and my sister to get out and leave me alone. after a painful 30min, she finally went out of my room and since there's no drama to watch anymore, my sister automatically leaves. that all happened last night. today, my mom is refusing to talk to me cause she's being salty over what had happened last night. she said i was being rude to her and now she is having a cold war with me over this situation. aita? [/INST] nta. you asked politely several damned times. that should have been enough. they only have themselves to blame. </s>
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WIBTA if I asked for a different vet, after the first made disparaging remarks about us owning a purebred?
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i'm torn about this, because i don't want to endanger someone's career just because i'm being overly sensitive, so before i do anything i'd like to try my case in the court of public opinion.
so, we took our puppy (white german shepherd) to the vet to get his first round of vaccinations, as you do. ghost is the goodest boy, so he was very happy to go to the vet and meet all the new people. unfortunately, the experience soured pretty quickly after the vet started looking ghost over. i guess she didn't recognize what he was at first, because gsd puppies look kind of ambiguous before their ears come up, so i said "oh, he's a white shepherd." to which the vet replied "how do you know?"
i was kind of thrown by this, so i said "well, we got him from a reputable breeder, and he's registered with the akc, so...?"
the vet very quickly said "that doesn't mean anything." and i honestly had no idea how to respond, so i just went quiet until she started asking questions about ghost's diet, energy levels, etc.
i said "oh, he's a handful, the house has been pretty chaotic since we adopted this little monster into the family, but we've only ever had shepherds, so we're used to it."
i barely finished speaking before the vet chimed in with "you didn't adopt, you bought."
again, i had absolutely no idea how to respond to that, so the rest of the visit was incredibly tense and awkward.
i understand that a lot of people, vets especially, are passionate about rescuing dogs as opposed to buying them, but i felt like it was unnecessary for her to be so aggressive about her stance. she wasn't at all cruel or callous in her handling of ghost, but she was just so damning and judgemental towards us for having him in the first place that i don't feel comfortable going back to that clinic.
wiba if i asked for a different vet the next time we go in, or switch to a different petcare provider entirely and tell the clinic why i'm no longer interested in their service?
| 2,479 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/it3xi9/wibta_if_i_asked_for_a_different_vet_after_the/
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2020-09-15 07:16:15
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nta. the vet made you uncomfortable. you're well within your rights to ask for a different vet. if you're worried about harming the vet's career by complaining or something, you could offer your reasons only if they ask why you want to switch. that way, they asked for feedback and they got it. i mean, i'm definitely on the kennel adoption side of this discussion, but it's not ok to make you feel bad about your choice in a professional setting like that.
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nta - adopt don't shop is good and all but it's not for everyone. if you're being a responsible dog owner (i.e. getting the pup fixed when it's older) then do what is best for you. if you're looking to be a backyard breeder and be awful then i'd agree with the vet but i'm guessing you're not. responsible dog owners are not the ones increasing the number of animals in shelters.
i'm also a lifelong owner of gsds and all gsd owners are aware of the dreaded hip dysplasia. reputable breeders know a line's history and give you a little peace of mind for your dog. of course that isn't 100% but you don't get anything similar with an adopted dog.
i would look for a different vet. clearly the vet already has a bias against you and while they might try to treat the dog properly, that bias may influence how they treat the dog.
&#x200b;
the only place you may be the a is the fact that you're posting about a gsd pup without paying the puppy tax
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sounds like the vet was a bit rude but i'm guessing that she probably sees hundreds of pups a year whose owners have answered an ad online and bought their "purebred husky/gsd/pug" from what they assumed was a reputable breeder, without realising that it was clearly a puppy mill. i'm not saying that's you, but i can guess vets get jaded fast.
the comment about adopting was maybe a bit snappy, but i can also guess it might rub her the wrong way to hear you describe buying a dog as though you had nobly taken in an abandoned animal. i've had to bite my tongue when friends of mine who bought two kittens from what was clearly and obviously a kitten mill described them as "rescued", since "the seller would probably have killed them when they got too old to sell".
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nta, for three very good reasons:
1) it's unprofessional, and outright rude;
2) while i understand all the "adopt don't shop" thing, you may never know (nor are entitled to an explanation whatsoever) how and why someone got a purebred: is it because it was surrendered by someone? or because of special needs within the family? you may never know, and honestly, it wasn't her fucking business in the first place, as it has nothing to do with the pup's health;
3) you are entitled to change vet just like you are entitled to change a doctor if you think their diagnosis is incorrect or dismissive
so no, don't even feel guilty about it, she doesn't deserve your guilt.
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nah. what they said is true, although they could have said it in a nicer tone. you’re not an asshole for wanting a vet with better “bedside manner” however, that’s a perfectly fine preference.
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nta - but to be clear, you did not adopt, you bought. it’s better than going to a
pet store but in a lot of locations akc registration is easy to obtain (referenced by your vet) and sometimes the kennels are certified but very gross and inhumane. you as a shopper would only know what you saw when getting your specific doggo and i’m sure you used good judgement. i don’t think you’re an asshole for wanting a different vet after that super awkward and accusatory conversation.
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there is no way you bought an akc registered white german shepherd dog, because the akc doesn't recognize german shepherd dogs with a color flaw in their coat. they are not considered "purebred" dogs. and literally any veterinarian who is handed a gsd that is pure white will immediately be able to tell what it is, no question.
nice piece of fiction though, it's gotten you a lot of awards. the "picture" was a great idea.
source: white gsd owner for 20 years with a veterinarian girlfriend of 2 years
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nta. but from what ive heard, reputable breeders do not typically breed white gsds due to the colour disqualifying the dog from shows. they are also considered a different breed to a gsd in some areas.
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mild yta if you try to blow her up by saying you felt judged or she was mean to you or whatever. totally fine to go to a different place or ask for a different vet, but i don’t think what she said was all that bad. the first statement doesn’t seem aimed specifically at you but indicates your vet doesn’t have the best bedside manner. the second statement was a bit snappy, but i don’t understand why people say “adopt” when they know it has a special meaning in the pet context. is it at all possible that your sensitive about being judged and may have put more meaning to her words then was there? i would just ask for a different vet when you schedule and say it was a bad fit personality wise if they ask.
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nah
you're right to be uncomfortable but i'm assuming this vet knows what they're talking about
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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YTA
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NAH
| 0.091339 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm torn about this, because i don't want to endanger someone's career just because i'm being overly sensitive, so before i do anything i'd like to try my case in the court of public opinion. so, we took our puppy (white german shepherd) to the vet to get his first round of vaccinations, as you do. ghost is the goodest boy, so he was very happy to go to the vet and meet all the new people. unfortunately, the experience soured pretty quickly after the vet started looking ghost over. i guess she didn't recognize what he was at first, because gsd puppies look kind of ambiguous before their ears come up, so i said "oh, he's a white shepherd." to which the vet replied "how do you know?" i was kind of thrown by this, so i said "well, we got him from a reputable breeder, and he's registered with the akc, so...?" the vet very quickly said "that doesn't mean anything." and i honestly had no idea how to respond, so i just went quiet until she started asking questions about ghost's diet, energy levels, etc. i said "oh, he's a handful, the house has been pretty chaotic since we adopted this little monster into the family, but we've only ever had shepherds, so we're used to it." i barely finished speaking before the vet chimed in with "you didn't adopt, you bought." again, i had absolutely no idea how to respond to that, so the rest of the visit was incredibly tense and awkward. i understand that a lot of people, vets especially, are passionate about rescuing dogs as opposed to buying them, but i felt like it was unnecessary for her to be so aggressive about her stance. she wasn't at all cruel or callous in her handling of ghost, but she was just so damning and judgemental towards us for having him in the first place that i don't feel comfortable going back to that clinic. wiba if i asked for a different vet the next time we go in, or switch to a different petcare provider entirely and tell the clinic why i'm no longer interested in their service?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm torn about this, because i don't want to endanger someone's career just because i'm being overly sensitive, so before i do anything i'd like to try my case in the court of public opinion. so, we took our puppy (white german shepherd) to the vet to get his first round of vaccinations, as you do. ghost is the goodest boy, so he was very happy to go to the vet and meet all the new people. unfortunately, the experience soured pretty quickly after the vet started looking ghost over. i guess she didn't recognize what he was at first, because gsd puppies look kind of ambiguous before their ears come up, so i said "oh, he's a white shepherd." to which the vet replied "how do you know?" i was kind of thrown by this, so i said "well, we got him from a reputable breeder, and he's registered with the akc, so...?" the vet very quickly said "that doesn't mean anything." and i honestly had no idea how to respond, so i just went quiet until she started asking questions about ghost's diet, energy levels, etc. i said "oh, he's a handful, the house has been pretty chaotic since we adopted this little monster into the family, but we've only ever had shepherds, so we're used to it." i barely finished speaking before the vet chimed in with "you didn't adopt, you bought." again, i had absolutely no idea how to respond to that, so the rest of the visit was incredibly tense and awkward. i understand that a lot of people, vets especially, are passionate about rescuing dogs as opposed to buying them, but i felt like it was unnecessary for her to be so aggressive about her stance. she wasn't at all cruel or callous in her handling of ghost, but she was just so damning and judgemental towards us for having him in the first place that i don't feel comfortable going back to that clinic. wiba if i asked for a different vet the next time we go in, or switch to a different petcare provider entirely and tell the clinic why i'm no longer interested in their service? [/INST] nta. the vet made you uncomfortable. you're well within your rights to ask for a different vet. if you're worried about harming the vet's career by complaining or something, you could offer your reasons only if they ask why you want to switch. that way, they asked for feedback and they got it. i mean, i'm definitely on the kennel adoption side of this discussion, but it's not ok to make you feel bad about your choice in a professional setting like that. </s>
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