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AITA for not wanting to honor my mother’s dying wish to give the house that my husband and I bought for her to my sister?
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my husband and i bought a house for my mother in 2013 so she can move closer to me and our family. she lived there until a year ago when she was diagnosed with cancer. i took her in and she stayed with my family until she passed away two months ago.
before she passed, my mother told me that she is worried about my younger sister because she doesn’t seem to have any direction in life, and she is easily influenced by other people (especially romantic partners) who often take advantage of her. my mother asked that when she dies i and my husband give the house we bought for her to my sister to make sure that there will always be a roof above her head. my sister is currently renting an apartment with her girlfriend, who i have a strained relationship with.
i am hesitant to do this because i think that if i give her ownership of the house, there’s a very probable chance that she will eventually lose it. there have been multiple instances in the past where her girlfriends (past and present) convinced her to make foolish decisions in order to get money quickly, and she never even questioned them (withdrawing from a time deposit account, selling heirloom jewelry, signing on as co-borrower to loans which proceeds she didn’t use). that’s just the kind of person that she is, when she loves someone she trusts them completely and has a hard time seeing when they might be asking her to do things that are not to her best interests.
my husband thinks that we should just give my sister the house since we can afford to gift it to her and it’s more important to honor my mother’s dying wish. if she loses the house then that’s on her but at least we did what my mother wanted.
thoughts?
| 3,566 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cuswxa/aita_for_not_wanting_to_honor_my_mothers_dying/
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2019-08-24 12:40:57
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nta, let her live there but don't give it to her. you own the house, so rent it to her for $0 a month. or however you want to look at it, but i wouldn't sign it into her name or give her any sort of decision making power over the house
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nta. your sister has a pattern of making horrible decisions. why knowingly go into something knowing the outcome wont be good? if anything, tell her she can live in the house (rent free, if you decide) but keep the house in your name. your moms wish was that your sister always have a roof over her head. by keeping the house in your name, you ensure that her wish comes true. your sister has a place to live and she doesnt have the option to sell it/lose it as a result of girlfriend induced bad decisions.
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nta - enabling never helps. don't do it
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nah. i think the spirit of your mother's wish is more important than the letter of it, in this case. if you're concerned your sister may do something foolish and lose the house, there are ways to make sure she always has a place to stay without actually giving her ownership of the house. consult a lawyer to discuss your options.
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nta. this is a really sad situation but the house wasn’t your mothers to give. you know your sister better than anyone here so if you feel like it’d be a mistake to let her live there then go with your gut.
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nta. (your mother isn't either. the sister and girlfriend sound like they are).
absolutely 100% do not do this. you've invested in this property for your mother, but it is your property, not a free-for-all to be handed off to those who can but won't take care of their own issues.
your mother couldn't. your sister does not have the same excuse.
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info: is the house in your name or your mother's? if it's in yours, your mom can't have a dying wish for something that isn't hers anyway.
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nta you still own it so you can do what you want with it and your sister doesn't sound terribly reliable. can she even afford to maintain it and pay taxes?
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nah. let her say there for free or rent it to her for $100/month or something like that. your mom’s real concern was providing stability and a place to live for you sister, and this sort of an arrangement is more likely to provide that long-term than just giving her the house.
you can also give her the house offer to let her buy it at a greatly reduced price later on if the situation changes.
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nah
your mother wanted to ensure the success of her children. that's completely understandable.
but, no, you shouldn't give your sister the house you and your husband bought for your mother's use.
firstly, it wasn't your mother's property to give away. while it's understandable for her to have wanted to do something for her youngest daughter, she presumed too much in planning to give your house to your sister. imagine for a moment that instead of a house, it was a pile of money. would you honor your mother's wish to give your sister $100k of your own money? or would you invest your $100k for the betterment of your own family?
secondly, you know that your sister will either lose the house or sell it, either of which would negate the intentions behind your mother's wish.
sell or rent out the house. set aside a bit of money to help your sister if she's ever in a financial bind, later in life.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
| 0.020963 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i bought a house for my mother in 2013 so she can move closer to me and our family. she lived there until a year ago when she was diagnosed with cancer. i took her in and she stayed with my family until she passed away two months ago. before she passed, my mother told me that she is worried about my younger sister because she doesn’t seem to have any direction in life, and she is easily influenced by other people (especially romantic partners) who often take advantage of her. my mother asked that when she dies i and my husband give the house we bought for her to my sister to make sure that there will always be a roof above her head. my sister is currently renting an apartment with her girlfriend, who i have a strained relationship with. i am hesitant to do this because i think that if i give her ownership of the house, there’s a very probable chance that she will eventually lose it. there have been multiple instances in the past where her girlfriends (past and present) convinced her to make foolish decisions in order to get money quickly, and she never even questioned them (withdrawing from a time deposit account, selling heirloom jewelry, signing on as co-borrower to loans which proceeds she didn’t use). that’s just the kind of person that she is, when she loves someone she trusts them completely and has a hard time seeing when they might be asking her to do things that are not to her best interests. my husband thinks that we should just give my sister the house since we can afford to gift it to her and it’s more important to honor my mother’s dying wish. if she loses the house then that’s on her but at least we did what my mother wanted. thoughts?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i bought a house for my mother in 2013 so she can move closer to me and our family. she lived there until a year ago when she was diagnosed with cancer. i took her in and she stayed with my family until she passed away two months ago. before she passed, my mother told me that she is worried about my younger sister because she doesn’t seem to have any direction in life, and she is easily influenced by other people (especially romantic partners) who often take advantage of her. my mother asked that when she dies i and my husband give the house we bought for her to my sister to make sure that there will always be a roof above her head. my sister is currently renting an apartment with her girlfriend, who i have a strained relationship with. i am hesitant to do this because i think that if i give her ownership of the house, there’s a very probable chance that she will eventually lose it. there have been multiple instances in the past where her girlfriends (past and present) convinced her to make foolish decisions in order to get money quickly, and she never even questioned them (withdrawing from a time deposit account, selling heirloom jewelry, signing on as co-borrower to loans which proceeds she didn’t use). that’s just the kind of person that she is, when she loves someone she trusts them completely and has a hard time seeing when they might be asking her to do things that are not to her best interests. my husband thinks that we should just give my sister the house since we can afford to gift it to her and it’s more important to honor my mother’s dying wish. if she loses the house then that’s on her but at least we did what my mother wanted. thoughts? [/INST] nta, let her live there but don't give it to her. you own the house, so rent it to her for $0 a month. or however you want to look at it, but i wouldn't sign it into her name or give her any sort of decision making power over the house </s>
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AITA for not paying for my old dog’s vet bills?
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last year i bought a puppy soon after moving into a new house. i was new to the area and didn’t realize how bad that neighborhood was until after my car got broken into. i decided to move about 5 months after getting my puppy.
| 634 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n2i0mo/aita_for_not_paying_for_my_old_dogs_vet_bills/
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2021-05-01 13:08:45
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nta. joe wanted the dog. joe now owns the dog. joe has to pay for the dog. end of.
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nta
1. puppy support is not a thing.
2. he is the dog's primary care-giver. you are not responsible for the dog
3. don't patronise me that the dog was your best friend - nobody gives up their best friend based on a few texts. i'd fight for my dog and i would have thanked joe for his input and taken it onboard and taken my dog with me. nearly yta territory tbh for this
did you properly transfer ownership to joe? if you did - tell him the dog is his, end of story and live with your decision to give up your best friend. if you didn't, get the dog back.
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esh for being lousy pet owners. why did you get a dog that you didn’t have time to care for? and why is joe adopting a dog he can’t afford to pay for?
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...i'm going to go with esh. not because you're currently refusing to pay bills for an animal that is no longer your pet, but because you got a puppy and then, when a supposed friend was weird and mean, gave up the puppy without a fight. your friend is an ah for pulling every single shenanigan starting with deciding to manipulate you into giving up your dog.
please don't get another puppy. not until you're prepared to be a better advocate on behalf of yourself and your animal.
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nta. if joe asked to keep him and told you you weren't a good pet owner, then the bills became his responsibility.
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nta- this person guilted you into giving up your dog. it is now his dog. if he couldn’t take care of it then why did he so heavily imply that he could provide a better life? i think it’s time to find better friends
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nta. that's joe's dog now. which means it's joe's vet bills, food bills, toy bills etc. the nerve expecting you to pay for a dog you don't own anymore. if he wants you to pay, he should hand the dog back to you. if he keeps it, he pays for it.
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nta. he guilt tripped you to make you give up your dog and now wants you to pay for it. wtf. i feel sorry for the dog but you are not liable in any way for a dog who is not even yours at this point.
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nta as others pointed out. i’d just make sure whatever you choose to do, it’s all the way. don’t agree to pay for certain things or just this one time, it’ll never end. be prepared to lose this friend completely.
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> he’s been hounding me
heh
nta.
he wanted a dog, he can pay for the dog. wanting a dog but not being able to afford a dog means you shouldn't have a dog.
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.054 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: last year i bought a puppy soon after moving into a new house. i was new to the area and didn’t realize how bad that neighborhood was until after my car got broken into. i decided to move about 5 months after getting my puppy.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
last year i bought a puppy soon after moving into a new house. i was new to the area and didn’t realize how bad that neighborhood was until after my car got broken into. i decided to move about 5 months after getting my puppy. [/INST] nta. joe wanted the dog. joe now owns the dog. joe has to pay for the dog. end of. </s>
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AITA for being honest about why I don't want to go on vacation
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my friend lisa and i have been friends for 7-8 years. for the most part she's a good friend and we get along really well. except around her birthday. and i learned not to go on vacation with her.
in 2018 4 of us went on a roadtrip for her birthday and stayed at a resort with a pool and a bunch of other activities. it was me, our friend emily, and lisa's friend trish. we were there 3 nights and her birthday was the day after we got there. everyone paid their own way obviously.
several things bothered me about that trip:
we celebrated her birthday the day of but lisa acted like she was in charge the entire weekend and we had to do whatever her and trish wanted. at one point we went to the game room, emily and i got kinda bored after a hour or so and trish and lisa were really into it. i said "lisa emily and i will just meet you guys at the pool". she snapped "no you won't! we won't be that much longer anyway" (they were).
anytime there was an activity we we had to pay for trish couldn't afford it or something and lisa acted like emily or i were supposed to pay. we didn't, we split and lisa ended up covering trish. this was stuff that was their idea.
our last night there emily and i wanted to get dinner at one of the restaurants and maybe go to one of the bars after. lisa was like "well trish wants to stay in and watch movies so i think we'll do that". i didn't feel like getting yelled at again so i just agreed and called it an early night.
so lisa wants to go on vacation for her birthday again but this time to another state. her birthday is still 5 months away. she mentioned it a while back and i said i'd see. i really thought about it and i don't want to spend probably at least a grand on a trip where i'll have to do everything someone else wants and probably not enjoy myself as much.
she asked about it yesterday and i said that i wouldn't be able to. she asked why not. i said that i didn't really like how some stuff went down a couple years ago. she asked what i meant.
i said that i didn't like being bossed around the whole time, we all paid for and took time off for the trip but it was always what her and trish wanted to do and that she acted offended when i suggested splitting up.
she said "well it was my birthday trip, when you go on a vacation to celebrate something you do what that person wants, it's like their party but several days. if you go on a trip for bachelor/bachelorette party you do whatever the bride or groom wants to do the whole time that's the point. it's not a normal vacation, you're going for that person ".
i said "well i can't do the trip but i'll take you to dinner or something when you get back".
she said "you can you just don't want to, whatever i guess we're not as close as i thought".
aita
| 622 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uw46kb/aita_for_being_honest_about_why_i_dont_want_to_go/
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2022-05-23 16:29:03
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nta. you were truthful yet diplomatic in making your point.
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nta and i'd honestly significantly downgrade her in your friends hierarchy.
she is completely unreasonable, and you should under no circumstances go to this trip with her.
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nta you’re not obligated to celebrate someone’s birthday. especially with something as expensive as a vacation that also cuts a chunk into your pto days at work. you didn’t mention anything about what you do for your birthday? has lisa ever done something nice for you for your bday or gone on a trip that you planned? i hate people that make a big deal out of their birthday and forget everyone else’s.
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nta
you were honest but kind in your response. if you don‘t want to go on a trip you have to pay for and do stuff you do not want to do you can simply refuse.
to me she seems kinda entitled in her way of thinking.
so it is fine to simply reject that „invitation“ and tell the truth why you don‘t want to go. especially since she told you it would be the same procedure again.
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nta your birthday doesn't give you the right to boss your friends around. this is the birthday equivalent of a bridezilla
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**nta.** fade the "friendship" . this woman doesn't see you as a friend, she says you as an atm.
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nta. she asked, you answered. and then she tried some casual emotional blackmail because she didn’t like the answer. that’s not how high-quality friends behave.
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nta - sorry, i don't want to spend $1000 to celebrate your birthday.
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nta. lisa acts like she's turning 5 and you're not the boss of me. wish her a happy birthday and bon voyage, and make your own travel plans.
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nta
i have a friend like this.
she decided to rent the most expensive villa at a resort for her birthday as well as a bunch of add ons for 3 nights. she expected everyone else to pay for this. she of course got the master suite. so everyone spent about a grand, but had to do what she wanted, when she wanted it was all about her and she expected gifts from everyone.
ummmmm, if everyone had to pay i’m sorry it’s equally their trip. we’ll sing you happy birthday but the rest of the time everyone gets to decide what they want to do your highness.
also her sister literally went broke and had to eat ramen for a month to afford it because she had to get “the best” and you can’t tell her no because she’ll pitch a fit.
fyi i said no. i can’t afford it plus it’s 20 min from my house i’ll just stop by (i live 3 hours away from her) she kept begging me to just come don’t worry about it it’s paid for anyways and then sent me a bill afterward 😂
i stopped speaking to her until she apologized. i was willing to die on that hill.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my friend lisa and i have been friends for 7-8 years. for the most part she's a good friend and we get along really well. except around her birthday. and i learned not to go on vacation with her. in 2018 4 of us went on a roadtrip for her birthday and stayed at a resort with a pool and a bunch of other activities. it was me, our friend emily, and lisa's friend trish. we were there 3 nights and her birthday was the day after we got there. everyone paid their own way obviously. several things bothered me about that trip: we celebrated her birthday the day of but lisa acted like she was in charge the entire weekend and we had to do whatever her and trish wanted. at one point we went to the game room, emily and i got kinda bored after a hour or so and trish and lisa were really into it. i said "lisa emily and i will just meet you guys at the pool". she snapped "no you won't! we won't be that much longer anyway" (they were). anytime there was an activity we we had to pay for trish couldn't afford it or something and lisa acted like emily or i were supposed to pay. we didn't, we split and lisa ended up covering trish. this was stuff that was their idea. our last night there emily and i wanted to get dinner at one of the restaurants and maybe go to one of the bars after. lisa was like "well trish wants to stay in and watch movies so i think we'll do that". i didn't feel like getting yelled at again so i just agreed and called it an early night. so lisa wants to go on vacation for her birthday again but this time to another state. her birthday is still 5 months away. she mentioned it a while back and i said i'd see. i really thought about it and i don't want to spend probably at least a grand on a trip where i'll have to do everything someone else wants and probably not enjoy myself as much. she asked about it yesterday and i said that i wouldn't be able to. she asked why not. i said that i didn't really like how some stuff went down a couple years ago. she asked what i meant. i said that i didn't like being bossed around the whole time, we all paid for and took time off for the trip but it was always what her and trish wanted to do and that she acted offended when i suggested splitting up. she said "well it was my birthday trip, when you go on a vacation to celebrate something you do what that person wants, it's like their party but several days. if you go on a trip for bachelor/bachelorette party you do whatever the bride or groom wants to do the whole time that's the point. it's not a normal vacation, you're going for that person ". i said "well i can't do the trip but i'll take you to dinner or something when you get back". she said "you can you just don't want to, whatever i guess we're not as close as i thought". aita
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my friend lisa and i have been friends for 7-8 years. for the most part she's a good friend and we get along really well. except around her birthday. and i learned not to go on vacation with her. in 2018 4 of us went on a roadtrip for her birthday and stayed at a resort with a pool and a bunch of other activities. it was me, our friend emily, and lisa's friend trish. we were there 3 nights and her birthday was the day after we got there. everyone paid their own way obviously. several things bothered me about that trip: we celebrated her birthday the day of but lisa acted like she was in charge the entire weekend and we had to do whatever her and trish wanted. at one point we went to the game room, emily and i got kinda bored after a hour or so and trish and lisa were really into it. i said "lisa emily and i will just meet you guys at the pool". she snapped "no you won't! we won't be that much longer anyway" (they were). anytime there was an activity we we had to pay for trish couldn't afford it or something and lisa acted like emily or i were supposed to pay. we didn't, we split and lisa ended up covering trish. this was stuff that was their idea. our last night there emily and i wanted to get dinner at one of the restaurants and maybe go to one of the bars after. lisa was like "well trish wants to stay in and watch movies so i think we'll do that". i didn't feel like getting yelled at again so i just agreed and called it an early night. so lisa wants to go on vacation for her birthday again but this time to another state. her birthday is still 5 months away. she mentioned it a while back and i said i'd see. i really thought about it and i don't want to spend probably at least a grand on a trip where i'll have to do everything someone else wants and probably not enjoy myself as much. she asked about it yesterday and i said that i wouldn't be able to. she asked why not. i said that i didn't really like how some stuff went down a couple years ago. she asked what i meant. i said that i didn't like being bossed around the whole time, we all paid for and took time off for the trip but it was always what her and trish wanted to do and that she acted offended when i suggested splitting up. she said "well it was my birthday trip, when you go on a vacation to celebrate something you do what that person wants, it's like their party but several days. if you go on a trip for bachelor/bachelorette party you do whatever the bride or groom wants to do the whole time that's the point. it's not a normal vacation, you're going for that person ". i said "well i can't do the trip but i'll take you to dinner or something when you get back". she said "you can you just don't want to, whatever i guess we're not as close as i thought". aita [/INST] nta. you were truthful yet diplomatic in making your point. </s>
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AITA for using God in vain and telling my husband to use common sense?
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my husband isn’t super religious but he grew up in a christian home and hates when people use god in vain, like goddamnit. out of respect for him i have cut that out of my language but i have caught myself slip before when i’m alone. this is important.
well he came home from work on friday and i felt like i was in a freaking circus. we have a two year old and a four month old. i am back at work and work 7:30-4 on most days unless overtime is required. we are lucky enough that my mil watches our kids while we are work and we are beyond thankful for that, but when i come home i’m the one who does most of the cleaning, feeding and putting them to bed. i am also still breastfeeding and try to spend any free time that i have pumping.
on friday he came home after work and was whinier than usual. he was complaining about work, traffic, being hungry. he asked me once, “soooo babe, what are plans for dinner?” i told him i didn’t have tile to think about it. 5 minutes later after i put our two year old down for a quick nap and he asks “any ideas?” and i told him that i came straight home from work to pick the kids up from his mothers and that the two year old has been a nightmare and i have not had time. he rolled his eyes and i fucking snapped. i feel like i blacked out when i snapped, but i told him that he needed to get some goddamn fucking common sense and offer to cook or bring home whatever the hell he wants for dinner.
i haven’t apologized (yet) but i don’t fully regret what i said because i’ve explained to him a million times that i am exhausted and worn down. i wonder how many fucking times i can explain to a fully grown, competent human being that i need help around the house and with the children. why do i have to tell someone that maybe they should fucking choose dinner and offer to bring it home? i think i’m more wrong for the god in vain part then the second half
aita for telling him this?
sorry for all of the cussing
| 183 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dkqpcj/aita_for_using_god_in_vain_and_telling_my_husband/
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2019-10-20 22:07:12
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nta. and look, i get that you want to be respectful of your husband's upbringing but listen... if there is a god they don't give a shit if someone says "goddamn"
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nta
story says he asked twice and neither are asking for what you want for dinner rather passively asking what dinner will happen to him. if he was more offended about taking the lord's name in vain then ask him how offended you should be that you have to care for him as well.
he isn't a child and you are not his keeper.
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nta- two year olds are fucking terrorists and i would go “no asshole here” if your husband had helped with either task (dinner or terrorist takedown) but it sounds like you guys are having stress that the use of the “god damn” are not the center of at all, but rather the roles and expectations around your house are the real source of much of your issues. good luck.
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nta
been through that stage with my husband and kids and it took me blowing up at my husband 3 times for him to realize *he's their dad too and if he wants some goddamn food he needs to fucking help out.* don't apologize. especially not for the goddamn part.
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nta
whats wrong with him? does he even know where the kitchen is?
with you both working chores need to be shared 50-50, if he's hungry get off of his arse and cook a meal for both of you.
for god sake he needs to stop being so goddamned upset, jesus christ
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nta. he's an adult - he can come up with some goddamn ideas himself instead of rolling his eyes at you.
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nta. defintely try to have a calm conversation with him about this when you've cooled down, but i don't blame you for snapping. sounds like you've got a lot on your plate and could use a glass of wine and a bubble bath. but you guys need to strategize together.
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nta. you snapped, and if that language is a big deal for you guys then it might be worth an apology, but this is utter frustration talking and that is the way bigger problem that needs dealing with. marriage is meant to be a partnership, but it sounds like you're doing way more than your fair share right now. this stuff eats away at you and causes resentment if you don't address it, and if not dealt with it can be the stuff that ends marriages.
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nta. he sounds like another kid, not a husband.
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nta. he’s being disrespectful, and completely ignorant to your everyday routine.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband isn’t super religious but he grew up in a christian home and hates when people use god in vain, like goddamnit. out of respect for him i have cut that out of my language but i have caught myself slip before when i’m alone. this is important. well he came home from work on friday and i felt like i was in a freaking circus. we have a two year old and a four month old. i am back at work and work 7:30-4 on most days unless overtime is required. we are lucky enough that my mil watches our kids while we are work and we are beyond thankful for that, but when i come home i’m the one who does most of the cleaning, feeding and putting them to bed. i am also still breastfeeding and try to spend any free time that i have pumping. on friday he came home after work and was whinier than usual. he was complaining about work, traffic, being hungry. he asked me once, “soooo babe, what are plans for dinner?” i told him i didn’t have tile to think about it. 5 minutes later after i put our two year old down for a quick nap and he asks “any ideas?” and i told him that i came straight home from work to pick the kids up from his mothers and that the two year old has been a nightmare and i have not had time. he rolled his eyes and i fucking snapped. i feel like i blacked out when i snapped, but i told him that he needed to get some goddamn fucking common sense and offer to cook or bring home whatever the hell he wants for dinner. i haven’t apologized (yet) but i don’t fully regret what i said because i’ve explained to him a million times that i am exhausted and worn down. i wonder how many fucking times i can explain to a fully grown, competent human being that i need help around the house and with the children. why do i have to tell someone that maybe they should fucking choose dinner and offer to bring it home? i think i’m more wrong for the god in vain part then the second half aita for telling him this? sorry for all of the cussing
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband isn’t super religious but he grew up in a christian home and hates when people use god in vain, like goddamnit. out of respect for him i have cut that out of my language but i have caught myself slip before when i’m alone. this is important. well he came home from work on friday and i felt like i was in a freaking circus. we have a two year old and a four month old. i am back at work and work 7:30-4 on most days unless overtime is required. we are lucky enough that my mil watches our kids while we are work and we are beyond thankful for that, but when i come home i’m the one who does most of the cleaning, feeding and putting them to bed. i am also still breastfeeding and try to spend any free time that i have pumping. on friday he came home after work and was whinier than usual. he was complaining about work, traffic, being hungry. he asked me once, “soooo babe, what are plans for dinner?” i told him i didn’t have tile to think about it. 5 minutes later after i put our two year old down for a quick nap and he asks “any ideas?” and i told him that i came straight home from work to pick the kids up from his mothers and that the two year old has been a nightmare and i have not had time. he rolled his eyes and i fucking snapped. i feel like i blacked out when i snapped, but i told him that he needed to get some goddamn fucking common sense and offer to cook or bring home whatever the hell he wants for dinner. i haven’t apologized (yet) but i don’t fully regret what i said because i’ve explained to him a million times that i am exhausted and worn down. i wonder how many fucking times i can explain to a fully grown, competent human being that i need help around the house and with the children. why do i have to tell someone that maybe they should fucking choose dinner and offer to bring it home? i think i’m more wrong for the god in vain part then the second half aita for telling him this? sorry for all of the cussing [/INST] nta. and look, i get that you want to be respectful of your husband's upbringing but listen... if there is a god they don't give a shit if someone says "goddamn" </s>
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AITA for calling my boyfriends parents racist?
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i don't know where to start but, i'm a mixed race (black and hispanic) woman while my boyfriend is white. my mom is hispanic and black and my dad is black. my boyfriend is so sweet but his parents are the most rude and racist people i've ever met. we're living with them right now and they've been rude to me the whole fucking time.
i wear my hair in protective styles or i let it out. my hair is very curly/coily and it's very big to say the least. his parents simply fucking hate my hair. if i wear it braided they say "why don't you just wear your real hair?". if i wear my natural hair they say i'm "looking for attention" or ask "why is your hair curly/frizzy like that?" i've tried to explain that this is just the way my hair grows but i've realised their problem isn't my hair, it's me being black. his mom knows why my hair is curly because her hair is literally almost as curly as mine.
we were outside for a couple of hours and my skin got slightly darker. his mother told me that my skin looked "dirty".
i've always grown up around white people. his parents fucking accuse me of "trying to act white". this is just my personality. i can't change the way i speak or act. i wore high waisted jeans and i overheard them saying that those type of jeans are for white girls. his mom said that she hopes her grandkids are born white.
the only time my boyfriend calls them out is if they use the n word. my name starts with "sa" and his dad thinks calling me "san\*gger" is the peak of comedy.
we were all watching beyond scared straight and his dad said that a white kid was "just going through a phase" and then called a black kid "a thug". his dad kept looking over at me for an reaction so i gave him one. i asked him why he's excusing the white kids behaviour while name calling a black child. he dismissed what i said and said "it's so sad that some kids throw their lives away so fast" i said "it's sad that some people are in their 40's but are still biased based off of skin color." his dad got really mad and stormed out with his mom. my boyfriend got mad at me and asked why the hell i said that. i told him that i'm not going to just sit here and let his parents be racist for no reason.
i'm not a sjw. i'm pretty chill but his parents were purposely being rude and offensive. i've been dealing with shit like this for a month now. my boyfriend said i overreacted and disrespected his parents. i don't think i have any obligation to be nice or respectful to people who won't do the same for me.
am i the asshole? i have trouble with feelings of worthlessness and i'm kind of used to being treated poorly for my race. i know i'm being treated badly but i don't know if it was my place to call them out. my low self esteem (bpd) makes it hard to believe that i don't deserve this. i know it's stupid.
| 13,554 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gcefa0/aita_for_calling_my_boyfriends_parents_racist/
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2020-05-02 21:34:28
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nta. if it looks like a racist and quacks like a racist...
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nta but your bf should be stepping up. if he isn’t i think you should seriously consider if this kind of energy is what you want to be in for the rest of your life. your bf is telling you that he does not defend you when someone is being blatantly rude and racist. listen to him.
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nta and your boyfriend is not sweet and caring. he's a toolbag and you need to get rid of him. he is enabling and effectively supporting this treatment of you by not ever standing up for you.
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nta wait... the only time he calls them out is when they use the n-word?! so they actually used the n-word around you?! wtf?! the parents are obviously the ah. it sucks that you have to stay with them, isn't there another place you could stay?
tbh your boyfriend is also the ah. he downplays their racism, he doesn't take your feelings seriously, even though they seem absolutely justified and honestly, the way he doesn't see their actions and statement as racist makes me think he has some of the same racist views. just because he's dating a black girl doesn't mean he cant be racist.
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nta dump your boyfriend
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info: when can you move out of this shitty-ass house?
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[deleted]
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nta. this is a not a good relationship for you. you are seeing how things will go. this is a small glimpse of things to come.
he draws the line at the “n” word? cute. he should be stopping it before it even gets there.
make plans to move out as soon as you are able to.
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why have you been putting up with this??? how old are you? you need to get out of there asap. that environment is not good for your mental well being. nta by a long shot. and your boyfriend sucks.
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nta.
but! if you're going to be staying there you definitely have to find a different way to get that energy out.
old racist white folk very rarely if ever change their points of view.
i don't want to sound like i'm defending them, but it's just ignorance combined with time.
i love cutting through tension with humor irl.
you already spoke up so going backwards is not an option you should continue to speak up but maybe start doing it in a more jokingly way..
i've always found it very efficient getting across extremely serious messages with a smile or with a joke.
you are not the ass but you can't keep snapping(probably how they viewed it) out at them and living there because you're going to end up fucking up your own energy.
next time they say something racist shit "innocently" make sure you make jokes about them being racist.. with a smile of course..
i'm not saying this fixes them this is just one small experiment to try to handle your own energy a little better..
they assholes, but that doesn't have to affect you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i don't know where to start but, i'm a mixed race (black and hispanic) woman while my boyfriend is white. my mom is hispanic and black and my dad is black. my boyfriend is so sweet but his parents are the most rude and racist people i've ever met. we're living with them right now and they've been rude to me the whole fucking time. i wear my hair in protective styles or i let it out. my hair is very curly/coily and it's very big to say the least. his parents simply fucking hate my hair. if i wear it braided they say "why don't you just wear your real hair?". if i wear my natural hair they say i'm "looking for attention" or ask "why is your hair curly/frizzy like that?" i've tried to explain that this is just the way my hair grows but i've realised their problem isn't my hair, it's me being black. his mom knows why my hair is curly because her hair is literally almost as curly as mine. we were outside for a couple of hours and my skin got slightly darker. his mother told me that my skin looked "dirty". i've always grown up around white people. his parents fucking accuse me of "trying to act white". this is just my personality. i can't change the way i speak or act. i wore high waisted jeans and i overheard them saying that those type of jeans are for white girls. his mom said that she hopes her grandkids are born white. the only time my boyfriend calls them out is if they use the n word. my name starts with "sa" and his dad thinks calling me "san\*gger" is the peak of comedy. we were all watching beyond scared straight and his dad said that a white kid was "just going through a phase" and then called a black kid "a thug". his dad kept looking over at me for an reaction so i gave him one. i asked him why he's excusing the white kids behaviour while name calling a black child. he dismissed what i said and said "it's so sad that some kids throw their lives away so fast" i said "it's sad that some people are in their 40's but are still biased based off of skin color." his dad got really mad and stormed out with his mom. my boyfriend got mad at me and asked why the hell i said that. i told him that i'm not going to just sit here and let his parents be racist for no reason. i'm not a sjw. i'm pretty chill but his parents were purposely being rude and offensive. i've been dealing with shit like this for a month now. my boyfriend said i overreacted and disrespected his parents. i don't think i have any obligation to be nice or respectful to people who won't do the same for me. am i the asshole? i have trouble with feelings of worthlessness and i'm kind of used to being treated poorly for my race. i know i'm being treated badly but i don't know if it was my place to call them out. my low self esteem (bpd) makes it hard to believe that i don't deserve this. i know it's stupid.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i don't know where to start but, i'm a mixed race (black and hispanic) woman while my boyfriend is white. my mom is hispanic and black and my dad is black. my boyfriend is so sweet but his parents are the most rude and racist people i've ever met. we're living with them right now and they've been rude to me the whole fucking time. i wear my hair in protective styles or i let it out. my hair is very curly/coily and it's very big to say the least. his parents simply fucking hate my hair. if i wear it braided they say "why don't you just wear your real hair?". if i wear my natural hair they say i'm "looking for attention" or ask "why is your hair curly/frizzy like that?" i've tried to explain that this is just the way my hair grows but i've realised their problem isn't my hair, it's me being black. his mom knows why my hair is curly because her hair is literally almost as curly as mine. we were outside for a couple of hours and my skin got slightly darker. his mother told me that my skin looked "dirty". i've always grown up around white people. his parents fucking accuse me of "trying to act white". this is just my personality. i can't change the way i speak or act. i wore high waisted jeans and i overheard them saying that those type of jeans are for white girls. his mom said that she hopes her grandkids are born white. the only time my boyfriend calls them out is if they use the n word. my name starts with "sa" and his dad thinks calling me "san\*gger" is the peak of comedy. we were all watching beyond scared straight and his dad said that a white kid was "just going through a phase" and then called a black kid "a thug". his dad kept looking over at me for an reaction so i gave him one. i asked him why he's excusing the white kids behaviour while name calling a black child. he dismissed what i said and said "it's so sad that some kids throw their lives away so fast" i said "it's sad that some people are in their 40's but are still biased based off of skin color." his dad got really mad and stormed out with his mom. my boyfriend got mad at me and asked why the hell i said that. i told him that i'm not going to just sit here and let his parents be racist for no reason. i'm not a sjw. i'm pretty chill but his parents were purposely being rude and offensive. i've been dealing with shit like this for a month now. my boyfriend said i overreacted and disrespected his parents. i don't think i have any obligation to be nice or respectful to people who won't do the same for me. am i the asshole? i have trouble with feelings of worthlessness and i'm kind of used to being treated poorly for my race. i know i'm being treated badly but i don't know if it was my place to call them out. my low self esteem (bpd) makes it hard to believe that i don't deserve this. i know it's stupid. [/INST] nta. if it looks like a racist and quacks like a racist... </s>
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AITA for not buying my friend's makeup?
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an acquaintance of mine started selling makeup from home with younique. when she was promoting her business i purchased a mascara from her. it was not a big deal for me to purchase and i was not expecting a miracle product, although her advertising claims it to be. when the makeup came in the mail, she sent me a message asking how i liked it. i answered honestly but not harshly in my opinion. i told her that i didn't like it as much as another brand that i use. i told her that it clumps when i applied it and it seemed like there was too much product on the brush. she seemed immediately defensive. instead of investigating the product, she suggested that i was applying it incorrectly. which i'm not insulted by but i did not agree that i was using it incorrectly. i told her that i would probably still use it, it was about $40 worth of mascara. she replied with "mmmkay". i thought that was rude. i decided then that i would not buy any more makeup from her. today, she messaged me about a refill on my mascara. i told her no thank you and i was polite. but, i always feel an insane amount of guilt. am i the asshole for not supporting my friend's business?
| 969 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lxvc5q/aita_for_not_buying_my_friends_makeup/
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2021-03-04 21:02:03
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nta. you weren't supporting your "friend's business", you supported an *mlm*.
and that's probably **not** your friend. she just seems to consider you like a client.
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nta. not at all. mlms sell a subpar product at a ridiculously high cost. these big companies rely on their “independent consultants” to lie through their teeth about the “amazing” products. and who could blame your friend for exaggerating the truth? she’s trying to make some money at the end of the day. it’s too bad she chose the mlm route. she’ll figure it all out for herself at some point and admit defeat. hopefully then she can apologize to you for making you feel guilty.
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nta younique is trash.
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nta - r/antimlm — shes engaged in a predatory scheme - don’t feel guilty.
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nta
it isn’t your friends business. it’s an mlm. they make “consultants” sell trash products at a ridiculous markup to make them money. my friend is doing the doing the same crap, and i had to put my foot down with them pushing this crap. and the past year has been horrible with people doing this, thinking they have “their own business” and can “work from home”.
you are not required to buy subpar products simply because someone you know is selling them.
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as a former younique-er, nta op.
you were already generous in buying the mascara and you told her you weren't satisfied with it. she shouldn't be hitting you up for refill of something you said you aren't happy with and prefer to use something else.
if she persists, just gently tell her that. you want to stick to your usual. if she keeps badgering then don't be afraid to get short with her, many of the mlm-huns need it
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nta
mlms are awful.
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nta. from what my wife tells me that’s crappy makeup sold by people who are being taken advantage of.
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younique is a pyramid scheme. there's plenty of videos showing why you should never buy from/work there. they pressure the sales people to push products on their friends and family. nta
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you are not required to fund her mlm. nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: an acquaintance of mine started selling makeup from home with younique. when she was promoting her business i purchased a mascara from her. it was not a big deal for me to purchase and i was not expecting a miracle product, although her advertising claims it to be. when the makeup came in the mail, she sent me a message asking how i liked it. i answered honestly but not harshly in my opinion. i told her that i didn't like it as much as another brand that i use. i told her that it clumps when i applied it and it seemed like there was too much product on the brush. she seemed immediately defensive. instead of investigating the product, she suggested that i was applying it incorrectly. which i'm not insulted by but i did not agree that i was using it incorrectly. i told her that i would probably still use it, it was about $40 worth of mascara. she replied with "mmmkay". i thought that was rude. i decided then that i would not buy any more makeup from her. today, she messaged me about a refill on my mascara. i told her no thank you and i was polite. but, i always feel an insane amount of guilt. am i the asshole for not supporting my friend's business?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
an acquaintance of mine started selling makeup from home with younique. when she was promoting her business i purchased a mascara from her. it was not a big deal for me to purchase and i was not expecting a miracle product, although her advertising claims it to be. when the makeup came in the mail, she sent me a message asking how i liked it. i answered honestly but not harshly in my opinion. i told her that i didn't like it as much as another brand that i use. i told her that it clumps when i applied it and it seemed like there was too much product on the brush. she seemed immediately defensive. instead of investigating the product, she suggested that i was applying it incorrectly. which i'm not insulted by but i did not agree that i was using it incorrectly. i told her that i would probably still use it, it was about $40 worth of mascara. she replied with "mmmkay". i thought that was rude. i decided then that i would not buy any more makeup from her. today, she messaged me about a refill on my mascara. i told her no thank you and i was polite. but, i always feel an insane amount of guilt. am i the asshole for not supporting my friend's business? [/INST] nta. you weren't supporting your "friend's business", you supported an *mlm*. and that's probably **not** your friend. she just seems to consider you like a client. </s>
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AITA for thinking it's inappropriate to bring a tinderdate to a family dinner after a funeral?
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went to my grandfather's (mother's father) funeral last friday in my hometown. when the funeral and everything was done me, my three brothers and our mom decided that we should get together at my oldest brother's house and have dinner and hang out together since it was so long ago that we last met (i live 11 hours away from the hometown and my family almost never meet with each other if i'm not home). before the dinner me and my younger brother and my five year older brother (m) drive to m:s house to chill out a bit. me and my younger brother sits down and starts talking about grandpa and memories and stuff that we have of him growing up, while our older brother m is just sitting in a chair with his phone in his hand. during the whole conversation m keeps interrupting just to show pictures of a girl he just met three days earlier and just go on and on about how amazing she is and won't stop talking about her. he then proceeds popping the question if he should bring her to the dinner at my oldest brother's house in a few hours. both me and my younger brother then tries to convince him that it's probably not the best idea since all of us there probably will be a bit gloomy, especially mom since she just lost her father, but that it would be nice to meet her in another setting. he then tries to convince us that it's a good idea by making some ridiculous arguments but after a while we manage to change his mind.
a few hours later we arrive at our oldest brother's house and his wife and children, our mom and her husband is there also. we have a lovely time even though we just put grandpa in the ground. it was great seeing the family together since it was long ago i last met them. after an hour m whispers to me that he's going to drive and pick up the tinder date and bring her to the dinner. i tell him i think it's a idiotic idea but he's a grown man so he can make his own decisions. this girl then later arrives, fully aware of the situation but still decides to come, when the dinner is ready and we all sit down to eat. she gets seated next to our mother and m. seeing my mother trying to acquaint with this new girl while holding her tears back, since just loosing her father, made me super furious. i got even more irritated seeing m all cheerio and wanting to make a good impression of our family to new girl by making some shitty jokes and being some kind of an alpha-type character. i continue to get more and more irritated during the dinner but tried not to visibly show my frustration. i replied to questions very short and did not show any interest in chit chatting with neither new girl or m for the rest of the night. i took the early train the next day and now i'm considering about calling m and tell him how i feel about his idiocy.
am i the asshole for thinking this was very inappropriate and reacting by being angrily silent?
| 222 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/be8nqr/aita_for_thinking_its_inappropriate_to_bring_a/
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2019-04-17 14:47:13
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nta, holy moly. if he really wanted to go on a date, he should have left and not come back.
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nta
i don't know what's crazier. m for thinking this was ok, or the girl for agreeing to come. it was really a girl he just matched on tinder a few days ago, and not his girlfriend?
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nta
your brother asked if it was appropriate because he wasn't sure - he was told no by a large portion of the family and choose to bring her anyway. not only is it awkward for your family who is now trying to grieve after a funeral but also having to meet a new addition but it was also probably super awkward for this girl who very likely did not want to go to such an event to meet new people.
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nta
not that you shouldn't try to be cheery in a gloomy situation, but he was doing so just to impress his date and i find that very inappropriate.
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nta. i know that everyone both grieves and deals with their grief differently, but that doesn't excuse this kind of inappropriate, insensitive, and selfish behavior. and as inappropriate as it was for m to bring the girl to the dinner especially in light of you and your brother spelling out why he shouldn't, i'm surprised that you seem to be more upset about that than the way he ignored and interrupted your younger brother with pictures of his tinder hookup as your brother was trying to share memories of your grandfather after the funeral.
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nta, thats a real shitty move by the brother... although it might cause some stife in the short term, i would tell your brother how you felt and try to get him to see how wrong that was. otherwise thats just gonna fester. cause thats some inconsiderate bullshit...1
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nta
like....dude what the actual hell?
at least he didn't bring her to the funeral
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: went to my grandfather's (mother's father) funeral last friday in my hometown. when the funeral and everything was done me, my three brothers and our mom decided that we should get together at my oldest brother's house and have dinner and hang out together since it was so long ago that we last met (i live 11 hours away from the hometown and my family almost never meet with each other if i'm not home). before the dinner me and my younger brother and my five year older brother (m) drive to m:s house to chill out a bit. me and my younger brother sits down and starts talking about grandpa and memories and stuff that we have of him growing up, while our older brother m is just sitting in a chair with his phone in his hand. during the whole conversation m keeps interrupting just to show pictures of a girl he just met three days earlier and just go on and on about how amazing she is and won't stop talking about her. he then proceeds popping the question if he should bring her to the dinner at my oldest brother's house in a few hours. both me and my younger brother then tries to convince him that it's probably not the best idea since all of us there probably will be a bit gloomy, especially mom since she just lost her father, but that it would be nice to meet her in another setting. he then tries to convince us that it's a good idea by making some ridiculous arguments but after a while we manage to change his mind. a few hours later we arrive at our oldest brother's house and his wife and children, our mom and her husband is there also. we have a lovely time even though we just put grandpa in the ground. it was great seeing the family together since it was long ago i last met them. after an hour m whispers to me that he's going to drive and pick up the tinder date and bring her to the dinner. i tell him i think it's a idiotic idea but he's a grown man so he can make his own decisions. this girl then later arrives, fully aware of the situation but still decides to come, when the dinner is ready and we all sit down to eat. she gets seated next to our mother and m. seeing my mother trying to acquaint with this new girl while holding her tears back, since just loosing her father, made me super furious. i got even more irritated seeing m all cheerio and wanting to make a good impression of our family to new girl by making some shitty jokes and being some kind of an alpha-type character. i continue to get more and more irritated during the dinner but tried not to visibly show my frustration. i replied to questions very short and did not show any interest in chit chatting with neither new girl or m for the rest of the night. i took the early train the next day and now i'm considering about calling m and tell him how i feel about his idiocy. am i the asshole for thinking this was very inappropriate and reacting by being angrily silent?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
went to my grandfather's (mother's father) funeral last friday in my hometown. when the funeral and everything was done me, my three brothers and our mom decided that we should get together at my oldest brother's house and have dinner and hang out together since it was so long ago that we last met (i live 11 hours away from the hometown and my family almost never meet with each other if i'm not home). before the dinner me and my younger brother and my five year older brother (m) drive to m:s house to chill out a bit. me and my younger brother sits down and starts talking about grandpa and memories and stuff that we have of him growing up, while our older brother m is just sitting in a chair with his phone in his hand. during the whole conversation m keeps interrupting just to show pictures of a girl he just met three days earlier and just go on and on about how amazing she is and won't stop talking about her. he then proceeds popping the question if he should bring her to the dinner at my oldest brother's house in a few hours. both me and my younger brother then tries to convince him that it's probably not the best idea since all of us there probably will be a bit gloomy, especially mom since she just lost her father, but that it would be nice to meet her in another setting. he then tries to convince us that it's a good idea by making some ridiculous arguments but after a while we manage to change his mind. a few hours later we arrive at our oldest brother's house and his wife and children, our mom and her husband is there also. we have a lovely time even though we just put grandpa in the ground. it was great seeing the family together since it was long ago i last met them. after an hour m whispers to me that he's going to drive and pick up the tinder date and bring her to the dinner. i tell him i think it's a idiotic idea but he's a grown man so he can make his own decisions. this girl then later arrives, fully aware of the situation but still decides to come, when the dinner is ready and we all sit down to eat. she gets seated next to our mother and m. seeing my mother trying to acquaint with this new girl while holding her tears back, since just loosing her father, made me super furious. i got even more irritated seeing m all cheerio and wanting to make a good impression of our family to new girl by making some shitty jokes and being some kind of an alpha-type character. i continue to get more and more irritated during the dinner but tried not to visibly show my frustration. i replied to questions very short and did not show any interest in chit chatting with neither new girl or m for the rest of the night. i took the early train the next day and now i'm considering about calling m and tell him how i feel about his idiocy. am i the asshole for thinking this was very inappropriate and reacting by being angrily silent? [/INST] nta, holy moly. if he really wanted to go on a date, he should have left and not come back. </s>
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WIBTA for selling a ridiculously expensive coat I was given as a gift?
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so basically it was my birthday recently and i was celebrating at home with my family. my aunt and uncle (who are very wealthy) were round my house and they gave me a canada goose coat that cost like £600. i am in desperate need of a new coat and this is obviously a really nice one but honestly i cannot think of a bigger waste of money. i'm not very into fashion at all and to be the honest the very idea of walking around wearing something so expensive is making me a bit nervous. i really want to sell it and use the money to buy a normal priced coat and then save the rest. however i can't tell if this is an asshole move or not.
so wibta if i did this?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fdbqxw/wibta_for_selling_a_ridiculously_expensive_coat_i/
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2020-03-04 11:37:08
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yta, i’m afraid. i’m very sympathetic to your situation, but gifts aren’t a monetary transaction. your aunt and uncle knew you needed a coat, so they bought you a really lovely coat. selling it would be rejecting the gift they thoughtfully selected for you (presumably in exchange for significantly less money than they bought it for). it’s also liable to cause awkward situations in the future when they ask why you aren’t wearing your canada goose jacket rather than the much cheaper jacket you have on.
for future birthdays, you can always say that your budget is tight and you’d like cash as a gift. this time round, though, you’re stuck with the jacket.
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yta because you could keep that coat and unless you put it through a shredder or set it on fire, it will last you for decades.
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ywbta, although i understand where you're coming from. such a nice, high-quality coat may last you a long time and may keep you warmer than a cheaply made one. it's rude to look a gift horse in the mouth. your aunt and uncle were in the position to give you such a luxurious gift and they obviously love you, so there's no need to feel guilty about the price tag. if you like the coat, keep it. it'll be worth it.
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yta
trust me, the canada goose coat will keep you warm longer than any h&m or other cheap brand could. it will last for ages.
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info: why does it make you nervous? plenty of people have a canada goose coat, and it's not as if you spent the money on it yourself.
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yta. those coats are for durability and warmth, not fashion. keep it in your closet for when you need it. but yeah, selling it and pocketing the cash is a dick move. they spent $600 to keep your ass warm.
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yta. it's rude to return gifts for the money.
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info - what do you consider a normal priced coat? having a canada goose coat myself i will say they are very durable, will last for years and if anything breaks they will mend/replace for free for at least 5 years (how long i’ve had mine)
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yta
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ywbta in my opinion. while you may not be into fashion, they did take the time, thought, and money to get you a very nice coat when they knew you were in need of one. reselling or giving away gifts is something i was always taught was rude, though, so that may just be me.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so basically it was my birthday recently and i was celebrating at home with my family. my aunt and uncle (who are very wealthy) were round my house and they gave me a canada goose coat that cost like £600. i am in desperate need of a new coat and this is obviously a really nice one but honestly i cannot think of a bigger waste of money. i'm not very into fashion at all and to be the honest the very idea of walking around wearing something so expensive is making me a bit nervous. i really want to sell it and use the money to buy a normal priced coat and then save the rest. however i can't tell if this is an asshole move or not. so wibta if i did this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so basically it was my birthday recently and i was celebrating at home with my family. my aunt and uncle (who are very wealthy) were round my house and they gave me a canada goose coat that cost like £600. i am in desperate need of a new coat and this is obviously a really nice one but honestly i cannot think of a bigger waste of money. i'm not very into fashion at all and to be the honest the very idea of walking around wearing something so expensive is making me a bit nervous. i really want to sell it and use the money to buy a normal priced coat and then save the rest. however i can't tell if this is an asshole move or not. so wibta if i did this? [/INST] yta, i’m afraid. i’m very sympathetic to your situation, but gifts aren’t a monetary transaction. your aunt and uncle knew you needed a coat, so they bought you a really lovely coat. selling it would be rejecting the gift they thoughtfully selected for you (presumably in exchange for significantly less money than they bought it for). it’s also liable to cause awkward situations in the future when they ask why you aren’t wearing your canada goose jacket rather than the much cheaper jacket you have on. for future birthdays, you can always say that your budget is tight and you’d like cash as a gift. this time round, though, you’re stuck with the jacket. </s>
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AITA for not letting my parents see my daughter.
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on the title alone you're probably thinking yes you ah but hear me out. also on phone so forgive formatting errors ect.
i 25 m have a daughter 8m and don't let my parents vist her under very strict conditions, these being that they should shower, brush their teeth and wear clean clothes before they visit. this is because my mother smokes like a chimney. she has all my life and i used to get terrible chest infections ect but have been mostly fine since i moved out a few years.
i dont want my parents to come round or to take my daughter to their house because of third hand smoke, a fairly recent discovery but obvious if you think about it. this is where when you smoke the chemicals in the smoke settle on furniture and carpets ect.
with my baby putting objects in her mouth, i don't think this is particularly a safe environment for her.
my mum is understandably upset but is saying i don't love her and that i'm just making excuses so she doesn't get to see her only granddaughter.
| 963 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iosuci/aita_for_not_letting_my_parents_see_my_daughter/
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2020-09-08 12:42:39
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nta- my cousin use to have respiratory infections every other week because of smoking.
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nta. your child, your choice. i understand that you mom is upset but at the end of the day, you are looking out for your child’s health. you are a concerned but realistic mother and you shouldn’t feel bad about your parenting choices.
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nta. the person "preventing" your mom and dad from seeing your baby is your mom and dad. your reasonable precautions are not so burdensome that time or money or emotional energy would be sapped by following them.
they value control and blameshifting above a relationship with your child, and must now own that decision as their own.
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nta. she's your daughter so you can make whatever decision you see fit. babies are especially fragile and it definitely makes sense to not want her around heavy smokers.
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nta. you're keeping your baby healthy.
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actually i came in thinking nta is regardless of the reason. didn’t even read the whole thing to confirm it. it’s your child, do what you want. it could be for any reason.
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nta. asking someone to shower, brush teeth and wear clean clothes isn't exactly an extreme request. it's just basic personal hygiene. something they should be doing anyway and not too much to comply with to see their only grandchild.
it's not like you demanded that they quit smoking!
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nta. your kid, your rules.
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after seeing some of the horror stories on this app, no, y t a is not the first thing that popped into my mind when i read the title; "omg what did they do?!", is.
nta btw
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nta - i gave up smoking when my daughter was born for this very reason (never smoked in the house though)
12 weeks going strong
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.024 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: on the title alone you're probably thinking yes you ah but hear me out. also on phone so forgive formatting errors ect. i 25 m have a daughter 8m and don't let my parents vist her under very strict conditions, these being that they should shower, brush their teeth and wear clean clothes before they visit. this is because my mother smokes like a chimney. she has all my life and i used to get terrible chest infections ect but have been mostly fine since i moved out a few years. i dont want my parents to come round or to take my daughter to their house because of third hand smoke, a fairly recent discovery but obvious if you think about it. this is where when you smoke the chemicals in the smoke settle on furniture and carpets ect. with my baby putting objects in her mouth, i don't think this is particularly a safe environment for her. my mum is understandably upset but is saying i don't love her and that i'm just making excuses so she doesn't get to see her only granddaughter.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
on the title alone you're probably thinking yes you ah but hear me out. also on phone so forgive formatting errors ect. i 25 m have a daughter 8m and don't let my parents vist her under very strict conditions, these being that they should shower, brush their teeth and wear clean clothes before they visit. this is because my mother smokes like a chimney. she has all my life and i used to get terrible chest infections ect but have been mostly fine since i moved out a few years. i dont want my parents to come round or to take my daughter to their house because of third hand smoke, a fairly recent discovery but obvious if you think about it. this is where when you smoke the chemicals in the smoke settle on furniture and carpets ect. with my baby putting objects in her mouth, i don't think this is particularly a safe environment for her. my mum is understandably upset but is saying i don't love her and that i'm just making excuses so she doesn't get to see her only granddaughter. [/INST] nta- my cousin use to have respiratory infections every other week because of smoking. </s>
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AITA for refusing to open presents with my roommate’s cat?
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i know, this sounds dumb. one of my roommates, r1, got a cat during the pandemic, something she’s wanted from her whole life, from what she rants about. however, she and our other roommate, r2, are both allergic to cats. this initially caused huge upset when r1 stated that she would be bringing a cat into the house we rent together, with r1 stating that r2 is “stealing my happiness” due to being upset that r1 wants to bring a cat into the house when said cat will negatively affect r2’s health. r1 melted down and steamrolled everyone and brought the cat into the house. r2 relented under the agreement that the cat be trained to stay upstairs at all times, as r2’s bedroom is downstairs.
well, for the past several months, the cat has been keeping me up at night. he sings the song of his people at 3:00 am. he knocks her giant christmas tree that’s in the loft over. he bangs against my door, apparently practicing parkour. the only thing she ever talks about is this cat, and i don’t want to hear about him after he’s ruined an entire night of sleep for me. she won’t hear or respect this though, and regales me with such interesting stories as the time he touched her face with his paw or her amusement of him trying to get downstairs when he knows he’s not allowed. r1 refuses to allow her cat to sleep in her room with her, so he acts up all night in the commons areas, and sneaks downstairs to steal things to destroy. (he stole decorations of mine from the kitchen and shredded them, as well as r2’s underwear and feathered robe from her bedroom, brought them upstairs and chewed them, ruining the sleeves of a $75 bathrobe with r1 doing nothing to make up for this.) she aggressively forces him on us even when i’m clear she needs to stop.
r1 tried telling me “we’re opening christmas presents upstairs. i’m not excluding my cat from christmas.” no. i’m not spending my holiday that i already can’t spend with people i love and miss in what’s become her cat’s bedroom when my mood and well being are so negatively affected by him. i will not sit there and watch her open presents that she bought her cat since obviously he can’t/won’t. as it is, she’s angry that i won’t put the presents i’ve wrapped in plastic bins under her christmas tree; i put them under my tree, downstairs. r1 has been scream crying at r2, and has not respected r2’s boundaries regarding not involving her.
r1 is screaming because she’s demanding that “there are literally no cons”, and is insisting that i hate her cat when he just annoys me frequently because he continues to affect my sleep negatively. she rants that it’s not fair that my small dog will be able to be there for presents being opened, (she doesn’t care about christmas because she is a dog,) and i’m not going to be opening presents for my dog for my roommates to partake in, because well, yeah. no.
aita for not wanting to sit in a room w/ a destructive cat that keeps me up and who has taken over much of the common areas in the house?
| 1,413 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kcwjsa/aita_for_refusing_to_open_presents_with_my/
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2020-12-14 12:14:28
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nta. her cat doesn't care about christmas.
she should never have brought a cat into the home without everyone's consent. the poor cat is just being a cat - they don't usually sleep all night, especially when they're young.
that said, the actual 'christmas morning' thing seems like the least troubling aspect of this complex problem. are you sure this is the hill you want to die on?
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oh gosh so much nta!
r1 is behaving like an irresponsible, antisocial, egocentric, toxic and overly dramatic lunatic. i'm sorry you have to deal with her. i'm also surprised you still want to spend christmas with her, even though i get you don't have much of a choice. if you don't want to celebrate with the stupid cat (and btw i love cats, but also respect people who don't) then you don't need to.
stay strong!
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"he sings the song of his people..." literally made me laugh out loud.
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nta, your roommate sounds mental. when you have a pet you take responsibility for what it does, so she's not only responsible for things like keeping you up, but even if she had the capability of training her cat i doubt she would if she doesn't even care about boundaries when it comes to someone that's literally allergic.
&#x200b;
also, even if she was a lovely roommate with a lovely cat, you'd be more than justified to say "no, i don't want to spend time with someone opening presents for their cat". r1 has absolutely no self-awareness, and i really hope that cat helps with her problems because i can't imagine anyone actually wanting to be around someone like this.
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nta.
cats need toys and attention which will help with their crazy temperament.. your roommate sounds like the ah and especially considering the situation she should have a cat bed in her room at least. i feel sorry for the cat who's probably bored and going crazy being left alone all night.
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are you aware that r1 is a terrible person and you should not care about her opinions on anything?
nta
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the cat should be staying in the roommate's bedroom at night and not left to wander the common areas and get into stuff. he'd probably be more secure (calm and mellow) if he was near his caretaker and maybe even quieter overnight?
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so, let me get this straight...
she loves the cat and wants to include it in christmas but won’t let it sleep in the bedroom with her? as a vet tech student, cat behavior is one of my specialities. i’d say the “acting up” at night is directly related to the cat not being allowed in the bedroom, which would be a very significant place for the cat as it’s where the owner spends a lot of time. she needs to be a better cat mom.
as for the aita part, idk. she shouldn’t have brought a cat into the household at all if anyone has allergies and especially is she’s not going to share all her space with it. nta since you have allergies, a legit reason to stay away from cat. if you didn’t, i’d probably say “of course you must open presents with the cat, it’s family!” 😆
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nta r1 should respect you guys but the cat is kind of funny
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can you folks get r1 out of the lease any time soon? because frankly, if a strict and honest talk doesn't set her behavior out of "entitled pet parents" route, i would stop being her housemate.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i know, this sounds dumb. one of my roommates, r1, got a cat during the pandemic, something she’s wanted from her whole life, from what she rants about. however, she and our other roommate, r2, are both allergic to cats. this initially caused huge upset when r1 stated that she would be bringing a cat into the house we rent together, with r1 stating that r2 is “stealing my happiness” due to being upset that r1 wants to bring a cat into the house when said cat will negatively affect r2’s health. r1 melted down and steamrolled everyone and brought the cat into the house. r2 relented under the agreement that the cat be trained to stay upstairs at all times, as r2’s bedroom is downstairs. well, for the past several months, the cat has been keeping me up at night. he sings the song of his people at 3:00 am. he knocks her giant christmas tree that’s in the loft over. he bangs against my door, apparently practicing parkour. the only thing she ever talks about is this cat, and i don’t want to hear about him after he’s ruined an entire night of sleep for me. she won’t hear or respect this though, and regales me with such interesting stories as the time he touched her face with his paw or her amusement of him trying to get downstairs when he knows he’s not allowed. r1 refuses to allow her cat to sleep in her room with her, so he acts up all night in the commons areas, and sneaks downstairs to steal things to destroy. (he stole decorations of mine from the kitchen and shredded them, as well as r2’s underwear and feathered robe from her bedroom, brought them upstairs and chewed them, ruining the sleeves of a $75 bathrobe with r1 doing nothing to make up for this.) she aggressively forces him on us even when i’m clear she needs to stop. r1 tried telling me “we’re opening christmas presents upstairs. i’m not excluding my cat from christmas.” no. i’m not spending my holiday that i already can’t spend with people i love and miss in what’s become her cat’s bedroom when my mood and well being are so negatively affected by him. i will not sit there and watch her open presents that she bought her cat since obviously he can’t/won’t. as it is, she’s angry that i won’t put the presents i’ve wrapped in plastic bins under her christmas tree; i put them under my tree, downstairs. r1 has been scream crying at r2, and has not respected r2’s boundaries regarding not involving her. r1 is screaming because she’s demanding that “there are literally no cons”, and is insisting that i hate her cat when he just annoys me frequently because he continues to affect my sleep negatively. she rants that it’s not fair that my small dog will be able to be there for presents being opened, (she doesn’t care about christmas because she is a dog,) and i’m not going to be opening presents for my dog for my roommates to partake in, because well, yeah. no. aita for not wanting to sit in a room w/ a destructive cat that keeps me up and who has taken over much of the common areas in the house?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i know, this sounds dumb. one of my roommates, r1, got a cat during the pandemic, something she’s wanted from her whole life, from what she rants about. however, she and our other roommate, r2, are both allergic to cats. this initially caused huge upset when r1 stated that she would be bringing a cat into the house we rent together, with r1 stating that r2 is “stealing my happiness” due to being upset that r1 wants to bring a cat into the house when said cat will negatively affect r2’s health. r1 melted down and steamrolled everyone and brought the cat into the house. r2 relented under the agreement that the cat be trained to stay upstairs at all times, as r2’s bedroom is downstairs. well, for the past several months, the cat has been keeping me up at night. he sings the song of his people at 3:00 am. he knocks her giant christmas tree that’s in the loft over. he bangs against my door, apparently practicing parkour. the only thing she ever talks about is this cat, and i don’t want to hear about him after he’s ruined an entire night of sleep for me. she won’t hear or respect this though, and regales me with such interesting stories as the time he touched her face with his paw or her amusement of him trying to get downstairs when he knows he’s not allowed. r1 refuses to allow her cat to sleep in her room with her, so he acts up all night in the commons areas, and sneaks downstairs to steal things to destroy. (he stole decorations of mine from the kitchen and shredded them, as well as r2’s underwear and feathered robe from her bedroom, brought them upstairs and chewed them, ruining the sleeves of a $75 bathrobe with r1 doing nothing to make up for this.) she aggressively forces him on us even when i’m clear she needs to stop. r1 tried telling me “we’re opening christmas presents upstairs. i’m not excluding my cat from christmas.” no. i’m not spending my holiday that i already can’t spend with people i love and miss in what’s become her cat’s bedroom when my mood and well being are so negatively affected by him. i will not sit there and watch her open presents that she bought her cat since obviously he can’t/won’t. as it is, she’s angry that i won’t put the presents i’ve wrapped in plastic bins under her christmas tree; i put them under my tree, downstairs. r1 has been scream crying at r2, and has not respected r2’s boundaries regarding not involving her. r1 is screaming because she’s demanding that “there are literally no cons”, and is insisting that i hate her cat when he just annoys me frequently because he continues to affect my sleep negatively. she rants that it’s not fair that my small dog will be able to be there for presents being opened, (she doesn’t care about christmas because she is a dog,) and i’m not going to be opening presents for my dog for my roommates to partake in, because well, yeah. no. aita for not wanting to sit in a room w/ a destructive cat that keeps me up and who has taken over much of the common areas in the house? [/INST] nta. her cat doesn't care about christmas. she should never have brought a cat into the home without everyone's consent. the poor cat is just being a cat - they don't usually sleep all night, especially when they're young. that said, the actual 'christmas morning' thing seems like the least troubling aspect of this complex problem. are you sure this is the hill you want to die on? </s>
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Aita if I told my mom I have a life too?
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i (f22) have a difficult relationship with my mother (f48). she's jealous and very possessive, overall a toxic parent.
the past year i had to live with her due to the pandemic and after 10 and a half months i was left mentally drained.
i made it back to the city where i study (that is far from hers) and i'm in so much peace.
my youngest brother (m13) did not pass his english class and here's where the drama began.
she "invited" me to help him with it (she left me no choice or it would lead to an argument and she calling me multiple names). also i'm not getting paid it's just helping out my family.
for context english is not my first language and i'm fluent in it.
so last week i gave him a class in the morning and i told him that today will be the next class but i didn't told him the time of it (that's my bad). i didn't tell him that because my dad is in town and is leaving today and i knew she would get mad at me for having my dad and his wife in the back as she's jealous of everyone.
i get a call from her at 9:50 telling me that she already woke up my brother and that he was ready for the class. i told her i wasn't available that it had to be later (i gave her multiple options she just wouldn't take them) and that i didn't said the specific time. then she started demanding that i have to drop everything and give my brother the class because she has a lot to do (she is not needed in our class, she just use that to get what she wants).
i'm done with her and i told her that i have a life and things to do, that my dad was leaving and that i was going to have lunch with him before that and that i'm not going to drop everything because of her throwing a fit. she called me a bitch and some other stuff. then my brother got on the phone and told me that tomorrow morning is ok to reschedule our class.
she texted me after telling me that i was rude at her for saying that i had stuff to do and that she only meant to help.
(my brother has a phone and is able to text me anytime, it's just her being a over controlling mother).
so aita?
| 789 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lke8qt/aita_if_i_told_my_mom_i_have_a_life_too/
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2021-02-15 14:02:03
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nta
why do you bother maintaining a relationship with her? you can arrange classes with your brother if you choose, but don't involve her. you hold the power here.
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nta. holy shit. tutoring him is something you do for money or taking time out of your day because you feel like it. not because your mom feels like it.
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nta. block your mom’s phone number. you can skype your brother for english lessons
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how dare you be a normal independent adult, you should be ashamed.
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nta like you said your mom is toxic and controlling
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nta
>she left me no choice or it would lead to an argument and she calling me multiple names
the appropriate response to this is to refuse, and to allow her argue and call you names. it just makes her look even worse.
unless you are financially dependent on your mother (which would greatly complicate matters), you need to learn to stand up for yourself and tell her "no".
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nta but you really should have just refused in the first place
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f22) have a difficult relationship with my mother (f48). she's jealous and very possessive, overall a toxic parent. the past year i had to live with her due to the pandemic and after 10 and a half months i was left mentally drained. i made it back to the city where i study (that is far from hers) and i'm in so much peace. my youngest brother (m13) did not pass his english class and here's where the drama began. she "invited" me to help him with it (she left me no choice or it would lead to an argument and she calling me multiple names). also i'm not getting paid it's just helping out my family. for context english is not my first language and i'm fluent in it. so last week i gave him a class in the morning and i told him that today will be the next class but i didn't told him the time of it (that's my bad). i didn't tell him that because my dad is in town and is leaving today and i knew she would get mad at me for having my dad and his wife in the back as she's jealous of everyone. i get a call from her at 9:50 telling me that she already woke up my brother and that he was ready for the class. i told her i wasn't available that it had to be later (i gave her multiple options she just wouldn't take them) and that i didn't said the specific time. then she started demanding that i have to drop everything and give my brother the class because she has a lot to do (she is not needed in our class, she just use that to get what she wants). i'm done with her and i told her that i have a life and things to do, that my dad was leaving and that i was going to have lunch with him before that and that i'm not going to drop everything because of her throwing a fit. she called me a bitch and some other stuff. then my brother got on the phone and told me that tomorrow morning is ok to reschedule our class. she texted me after telling me that i was rude at her for saying that i had stuff to do and that she only meant to help. (my brother has a phone and is able to text me anytime, it's just her being a over controlling mother). so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (f22) have a difficult relationship with my mother (f48). she's jealous and very possessive, overall a toxic parent. the past year i had to live with her due to the pandemic and after 10 and a half months i was left mentally drained. i made it back to the city where i study (that is far from hers) and i'm in so much peace. my youngest brother (m13) did not pass his english class and here's where the drama began. she "invited" me to help him with it (she left me no choice or it would lead to an argument and she calling me multiple names). also i'm not getting paid it's just helping out my family. for context english is not my first language and i'm fluent in it. so last week i gave him a class in the morning and i told him that today will be the next class but i didn't told him the time of it (that's my bad). i didn't tell him that because my dad is in town and is leaving today and i knew she would get mad at me for having my dad and his wife in the back as she's jealous of everyone. i get a call from her at 9:50 telling me that she already woke up my brother and that he was ready for the class. i told her i wasn't available that it had to be later (i gave her multiple options she just wouldn't take them) and that i didn't said the specific time. then she started demanding that i have to drop everything and give my brother the class because she has a lot to do (she is not needed in our class, she just use that to get what she wants). i'm done with her and i told her that i have a life and things to do, that my dad was leaving and that i was going to have lunch with him before that and that i'm not going to drop everything because of her throwing a fit. she called me a bitch and some other stuff. then my brother got on the phone and told me that tomorrow morning is ok to reschedule our class. she texted me after telling me that i was rude at her for saying that i had stuff to do and that she only meant to help. (my brother has a phone and is able to text me anytime, it's just her being a over controlling mother). so aita? [/INST] nta why do you bother maintaining a relationship with her? you can arrange classes with your brother if you choose, but don't involve her. you hold the power here. </s>
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AITA for not talking to my dad after he cheated and got exposed on Facebook?
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my sister (22f) and i (19m) were staying together at our flat then she woke me up suddenly to tell me that my father got exposed on facebook for cheating.
both of us got dms from my dad's fling saying that he wanted a "prettier girl to fuck" and that he was tired of my mom. the fling also posted several screenshots of my father messaging his fling to come to my parent's room at our beach house to do it while my mom is out. my dad cheating is not really news to us anymore. there were a lot of instances where in my mom caught him cheating but she forgives him bc she says that "men will always be men." however, this time his cheating was exposed in social media. the issue reached to his workplace, my sister's and my friends.
and once he knew that we knew, he called us and told us not to do anything about it. i would've let it go but i won't let go of someone who dissed my mom so i called the girl and it was a full 10 minutes of me just saying shit about her. the slut told my dad and he got pissed at me. i also got mad at him for defending his fling. the day after tomorrow, we would be having our weekly family sunday dinner. the whole time, i didn't even speak to him. he didn't even say sorry about the cheating incident and just acted like everything is normal. i continued to not talk to him and even missed a few dinners bc he was there.
around 7 weeks later, he went to our flat, drunk and unannounced, then proceeded to tell me that i'm an ungrateful son for not talking to him. he was telling shit about how he didn't raise me to be a "sensitive bitch" and i should thank him for even being born. basically he was going off on all unrelated stuff that boosts his ego and justifying that he has nothing to be sorry about. the confrontation thing reached to my mom and she was asking me to be the one to say sorry so this whole thing would be over. i told her i'm not gonna put up with his shit anymore since he often does this whenever he feels cornered and i'm the one who always backs down. i know i'm not enrirely unreasonable but aita for not talking to him and not taking the high road.
| 1,429 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s5nzy8/aita_for_not_talking_to_my_dad_after_he_cheated/
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2022-01-16 22:54:50
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nta. blood doesn’t entitle them to a relationship with you. you’re an adult and it’s your decision.
however, calling the mistress and screaming at her for 10 minutes and calling her a slut is a little bit of an ah move. your dad is the guilty party here, she’s the one that outed him.
*edit* def nta at all, misread the post and thought the mistress was just contacting you, not rubbing it in. fuck her
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nta - i wouldnt talk to him either. plus him showing drunk to your house is unacceptable.
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nta
your father clearly has issues and your mother is likely in an abusive relationship. you should urge her to get some therapy so she can see her worth and leave his ass.
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nta
the fact your father put you in a position where you got involved is appalling to begin with
tell your mom does she really believe all men cheat? because the actual fact is we don’t
she sounds like she has self esteem issues and may need some extra encouragement from you and your sister to divorce him
as for you dad tell him you need some time to think and don’t get involved in his drama, tell any future “ladies” who approach you that you want no part of it and they need to sort out their issues with him (guarantee you he has a few on the go)
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nta.. anybody would be pissed especially if the fling messaged you personally about it
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nta
you should be calling the police on your dad when he comes over drunk and introducing your mom to divorce lawyers
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nta - your dad is a cheater, drunk and verbally abusive. what is there to talk to him about?
your mom needs to get a divorce and stop letting him treat her like shit.
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nta. respect is earned and worked for, even if they are your parents. you are allowed to decide who you communicate despite what their title may be to you. your dad crossed a line that should’ve never been crossed.
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nta … *ish*. she isn’t a slut. technically your dads the slut as he’s the one sleeping around. she’s unattached. he’s the one married. sending your vitriol to her and ignoring your dad is pretty assholish. your dads the bad guy.
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nta. he fucked around and found out what happens when he's caught. you're absolutely entitled to be angry at how disrespectful he is to your mother.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister (22f) and i (19m) were staying together at our flat then she woke me up suddenly to tell me that my father got exposed on facebook for cheating. both of us got dms from my dad's fling saying that he wanted a "prettier girl to fuck" and that he was tired of my mom. the fling also posted several screenshots of my father messaging his fling to come to my parent's room at our beach house to do it while my mom is out. my dad cheating is not really news to us anymore. there were a lot of instances where in my mom caught him cheating but she forgives him bc she says that "men will always be men." however, this time his cheating was exposed in social media. the issue reached to his workplace, my sister's and my friends. and once he knew that we knew, he called us and told us not to do anything about it. i would've let it go but i won't let go of someone who dissed my mom so i called the girl and it was a full 10 minutes of me just saying shit about her. the slut told my dad and he got pissed at me. i also got mad at him for defending his fling. the day after tomorrow, we would be having our weekly family sunday dinner. the whole time, i didn't even speak to him. he didn't even say sorry about the cheating incident and just acted like everything is normal. i continued to not talk to him and even missed a few dinners bc he was there. around 7 weeks later, he went to our flat, drunk and unannounced, then proceeded to tell me that i'm an ungrateful son for not talking to him. he was telling shit about how he didn't raise me to be a "sensitive bitch" and i should thank him for even being born. basically he was going off on all unrelated stuff that boosts his ego and justifying that he has nothing to be sorry about. the confrontation thing reached to my mom and she was asking me to be the one to say sorry so this whole thing would be over. i told her i'm not gonna put up with his shit anymore since he often does this whenever he feels cornered and i'm the one who always backs down. i know i'm not enrirely unreasonable but aita for not talking to him and not taking the high road.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister (22f) and i (19m) were staying together at our flat then she woke me up suddenly to tell me that my father got exposed on facebook for cheating. both of us got dms from my dad's fling saying that he wanted a "prettier girl to fuck" and that he was tired of my mom. the fling also posted several screenshots of my father messaging his fling to come to my parent's room at our beach house to do it while my mom is out. my dad cheating is not really news to us anymore. there were a lot of instances where in my mom caught him cheating but she forgives him bc she says that "men will always be men." however, this time his cheating was exposed in social media. the issue reached to his workplace, my sister's and my friends. and once he knew that we knew, he called us and told us not to do anything about it. i would've let it go but i won't let go of someone who dissed my mom so i called the girl and it was a full 10 minutes of me just saying shit about her. the slut told my dad and he got pissed at me. i also got mad at him for defending his fling. the day after tomorrow, we would be having our weekly family sunday dinner. the whole time, i didn't even speak to him. he didn't even say sorry about the cheating incident and just acted like everything is normal. i continued to not talk to him and even missed a few dinners bc he was there. around 7 weeks later, he went to our flat, drunk and unannounced, then proceeded to tell me that i'm an ungrateful son for not talking to him. he was telling shit about how he didn't raise me to be a "sensitive bitch" and i should thank him for even being born. basically he was going off on all unrelated stuff that boosts his ego and justifying that he has nothing to be sorry about. the confrontation thing reached to my mom and she was asking me to be the one to say sorry so this whole thing would be over. i told her i'm not gonna put up with his shit anymore since he often does this whenever he feels cornered and i'm the one who always backs down. i know i'm not enrirely unreasonable but aita for not talking to him and not taking the high road. [/INST] nta. blood doesn’t entitle them to a relationship with you. you’re an adult and it’s your decision. however, calling the mistress and screaming at her for 10 minutes and calling her a slut is a little bit of an ah move. your dad is the guilty party here, she’s the one that outed him. *edit* def nta at all, misread the post and thought the mistress was just contacting you, not rubbing it in. fuck her </s>
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AITA for getting someone fired because they pretended to know the language?
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english is not my first language.
i (27f) decided to apply for my dream job. i have met all the criteria and one of them was to be proficient in my native language (russian) , which i am, since i've grown up in the country speaking and writing in it and have finished school and university where obviously all the subjects are taught in russian, except english and french/german language classes.
i ended up securing the interview with this place and needed to demonstrate the knowledge of russian, so the person who did the interview started asking me questions in it. however i could barely understand her, not only the accent made it incredibly difficult but the fact that she couldn't build a sentence, but also used incorrect forms of the words and the pronunciation was totally wrong too. in short it sounded as if she was randomly putting the words in google translate and was trying to repeat them over. i have answered all her questions, however i've also noticed she barely made any notes. i decided to let it pass and wait for a verdict.
after about 3 months of chasing and silence, i got an email saying i wasn't successful and the reason was that they believed my knowledge of russian language was poor and insufficient for the job and not up to their "standards" according to the interviewer. of course i was confused, since the lady who interviewed me could barely speak the language herself. so i have decided to leave feedback about my experience on one of the job sites, which was made to share info about working at the job and interview process. my review received a fair amount of traction and last week monday i ended up getting a call from the higher ups, who listened to my feedback and opened the investigation.
on friday i have found out the lady who interviewed me was dismissed. she and her friends were messaging me on social media calling an asshole, because this job was her only source of income and was struggling. i am now feeling guilty about this and feel like i was an asshole for writing about my experience.
aita?
| 17,138 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y6b7nn/aita_for_getting_someone_fired_because_they/
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2022-10-17 13:24:03
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nta - she is scamming her company by pretending to speak a language that she has minimal fluency in. imagine how many other people she’s turned down for jobs.
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nta. you were denied a job based on a lie that wasn’t yours. that’s not on you. it could have been your only source of income too.
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nta, she shouldn’t have pretended to know a language she wasn’t fluent in, and it’s her own fault for being sacked. she could’ve easily had avoided this by not pretending and having someone else do the interview that did know russian
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nta- you missed out on a wonderful sounding job, due to a person who clearly wasn’t up to scratch and had no business interviewing someone fluent in the language.
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nta. she isn’t qualified to do her job, and lied about the results of the interview. the business that employs her requires a knowledge of the language and she’s pulling the wool over their eyes. not your concern, and i hope you’re able to interview again.
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nta
she took a job she shouldn’t have, and the consequence of that is that the team suffers. she would have been found out eventually.
not only that but she specifically is the reason you didn’t get the job *because she was afraid she would have been found out had you been hired.* she was trying to keep a job she didn’t deserve leaving other *more qualified* people to suffer the consequences.
i hope they reconsider your application.
and don’t feel bad about her. i’m sure she’ll find another scam soon enough.
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nta
>she and her friends were messaging me on social media calling an asshole, because this job was her only source of income and was struggling.
and there were probably struggling people who could've used that job who she denied.
if he job was really so important to her, and she absolutely had to lie to keep her source of income, then in her spare time after getting this new job responsibility, she should've been getting language lessons (rosetta stone or something else online), instead of relying on whatever translate thing she was using.
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nta. she was being dishonest and threw you under the bus to save herself. she got what she deserved. i’m sorry you lost out on the job.
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nta. her poor language skills made you miss out on your dream job. that’s not on you, you were simply being honest. op you might wanna email that same higher up to see if you can re-interview seeing as this wasn’t your fault. good luck
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nta. it sounds to me like she denied you a job opportunity because she was afraid that you would know that she cannot speak russian. and for that, she is a bad person and deserves to be fired.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: english is not my first language. i (27f) decided to apply for my dream job. i have met all the criteria and one of them was to be proficient in my native language (russian) , which i am, since i've grown up in the country speaking and writing in it and have finished school and university where obviously all the subjects are taught in russian, except english and french/german language classes. i ended up securing the interview with this place and needed to demonstrate the knowledge of russian, so the person who did the interview started asking me questions in it. however i could barely understand her, not only the accent made it incredibly difficult but the fact that she couldn't build a sentence, but also used incorrect forms of the words and the pronunciation was totally wrong too. in short it sounded as if she was randomly putting the words in google translate and was trying to repeat them over. i have answered all her questions, however i've also noticed she barely made any notes. i decided to let it pass and wait for a verdict. after about 3 months of chasing and silence, i got an email saying i wasn't successful and the reason was that they believed my knowledge of russian language was poor and insufficient for the job and not up to their "standards" according to the interviewer. of course i was confused, since the lady who interviewed me could barely speak the language herself. so i have decided to leave feedback about my experience on one of the job sites, which was made to share info about working at the job and interview process. my review received a fair amount of traction and last week monday i ended up getting a call from the higher ups, who listened to my feedback and opened the investigation. on friday i have found out the lady who interviewed me was dismissed. she and her friends were messaging me on social media calling an asshole, because this job was her only source of income and was struggling. i am now feeling guilty about this and feel like i was an asshole for writing about my experience. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
english is not my first language. i (27f) decided to apply for my dream job. i have met all the criteria and one of them was to be proficient in my native language (russian) , which i am, since i've grown up in the country speaking and writing in it and have finished school and university where obviously all the subjects are taught in russian, except english and french/german language classes. i ended up securing the interview with this place and needed to demonstrate the knowledge of russian, so the person who did the interview started asking me questions in it. however i could barely understand her, not only the accent made it incredibly difficult but the fact that she couldn't build a sentence, but also used incorrect forms of the words and the pronunciation was totally wrong too. in short it sounded as if she was randomly putting the words in google translate and was trying to repeat them over. i have answered all her questions, however i've also noticed she barely made any notes. i decided to let it pass and wait for a verdict. after about 3 months of chasing and silence, i got an email saying i wasn't successful and the reason was that they believed my knowledge of russian language was poor and insufficient for the job and not up to their "standards" according to the interviewer. of course i was confused, since the lady who interviewed me could barely speak the language herself. so i have decided to leave feedback about my experience on one of the job sites, which was made to share info about working at the job and interview process. my review received a fair amount of traction and last week monday i ended up getting a call from the higher ups, who listened to my feedback and opened the investigation. on friday i have found out the lady who interviewed me was dismissed. she and her friends were messaging me on social media calling an asshole, because this job was her only source of income and was struggling. i am now feeling guilty about this and feel like i was an asshole for writing about my experience. aita? [/INST] nta - she is scamming her company by pretending to speak a language that she has minimal fluency in. imagine how many other people she’s turned down for jobs. </s>
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AITA for "ignoring" a child in the grocery store?
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not that big of a deal, but i was grocery shopping and had an airpod in so i could listen to this book i'm really enjoying but also still hear if someone needed to get by or whatever. i had my list out and one of those little mini-carts because, tbh, i'm too short to use the big ones.
when i was going down an aisle, i heard someone say "hi" and just kept going about my business. it happened again and i glanced up really quickly and saw a kid in a cart waving and saying 'hi' to everyone who walked by. i ignored the kid and walked by so i could finish my shopping.
ignoring the kid was apparently the most offensive thing humanly possible, because (what i'm assuming was) the mom glanced up and saw me ignoring/walking by without responding 'hi' back, she said "excuse me."
i glanced up because i thought she was trying to get by or something, and i said "what?"
"my son just said hi to you."
"uh... okay." i continued down the aisle.
"when someone says hello to you, you usually say hello back! that's the polite thing to do!"
i said "yeah... sure, ok," and shook my head and continued down the aisle.
we crossed paths several times through the rest of the store and she glared at me super fierce, and said "hello" in a very weird, like... mocking voice? i don't know.
anyway when i got to the cashout lane she got to one nearby and kept loudly talking to the kid saying "some people just don't know how to be polite these days. it's okay, baby. everyone loves you."
i'd had enough of the weird behavior so i scooted around on my way out and got down to the kid's level and yelled "helllooooooo" and then looked at the woman and said "helllloooooo???? why aren't you paying attention to me????? helloooooooo?"
her cashier cracked up and so did the woman behind her but she looked like she was about to start crying. i feel kind of bad but also like... for fuck's sake lady, teach the kid that sometimes people don't want to fucking talk to you?
aita? (i'm sure everyone's going to be like omg you used a swear word or something).
**
| 7,169 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ijf4fq/aita_for_ignoring_a_child_in_the_grocery_store/
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2020-08-30 16:06:34
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nta
not everyone has to like kids or interact with them.
"it's okay, baby. everyone loves you." --> jeez, this kid is going to have issues some day.
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nta. as long as you’re not being rude you aren’t required to engage with a stranger
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esh. her more than you, though. i was with you up until this point:
> i'd had enough of the weird behavior so i scooted around on my way out and got down to the kid's level and yelled "helllooooooo" and then looked at the woman and said "helllloooooo???? why aren't you paying attention to me????? helloooooooo?"
i understand she was being rude you felt like you had to make a point, but reciprocating like that (yelling in a kids' face, and the kid hadn't even done anything wrong, it was the mom who was making it an issue) was rude too.
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esh, learn to move on and let people be assholes without (literally) stooping down to their level and... mocking a child, apparently? if i saw a grown person doing what you did i'd think they were a total jackass.
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nta, but funny as hell!! what a piece of work that lady is...that kid will be insufferable as an adult.
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[deleted]
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nta my 18 month old loves saying hi to strangers. sometimes she gets a hi back, and sometimes she doesn't. she is not entitled for everyone to respond back. i am not teaching her that she is owed a response. i tell her they are busy and we move on.
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esh. yeah, the mother of the child was overstepping her boundaries with a total stranger when she got onto you, op, but you didn’t “ignore” anybody. it doesn’t matter that you were 8 feet away—you purposely got down to the child’s level just to mock him and then did the same with the mother.
if you had just ignored them, you wouldn’t be an asshole, but you went out of your way to get even over something so incredibly petty there is no way your not an asshole in this situation.
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ehhh esh. she wasn't going about it the right way and you definitely didn't need to get in a kids face.
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esh.
wow, a lot of child haters here, calling op a hero for basically mocking a kid just for saying hi to strangers. yeah i get it, the mom was being an asshole about the whole thing, but you really didn't have to mock the kid, 8ft away or not doesn't matter. you could've just confronted the mom and be done with it.
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
| 0.517608 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: not that big of a deal, but i was grocery shopping and had an airpod in so i could listen to this book i'm really enjoying but also still hear if someone needed to get by or whatever. i had my list out and one of those little mini-carts because, tbh, i'm too short to use the big ones. when i was going down an aisle, i heard someone say "hi" and just kept going about my business. it happened again and i glanced up really quickly and saw a kid in a cart waving and saying 'hi' to everyone who walked by. i ignored the kid and walked by so i could finish my shopping. ignoring the kid was apparently the most offensive thing humanly possible, because (what i'm assuming was) the mom glanced up and saw me ignoring/walking by without responding 'hi' back, she said "excuse me." i glanced up because i thought she was trying to get by or something, and i said "what?" "my son just said hi to you." "uh... okay." i continued down the aisle. "when someone says hello to you, you usually say hello back! that's the polite thing to do!" i said "yeah... sure, ok," and shook my head and continued down the aisle. we crossed paths several times through the rest of the store and she glared at me super fierce, and said "hello" in a very weird, like... mocking voice? i don't know. anyway when i got to the cashout lane she got to one nearby and kept loudly talking to the kid saying "some people just don't know how to be polite these days. it's okay, baby. everyone loves you." i'd had enough of the weird behavior so i scooted around on my way out and got down to the kid's level and yelled "helllooooooo" and then looked at the woman and said "helllloooooo???? why aren't you paying attention to me????? helloooooooo?" her cashier cracked up and so did the woman behind her but she looked like she was about to start crying. i feel kind of bad but also like... for fuck's sake lady, teach the kid that sometimes people don't want to fucking talk to you? aita? (i'm sure everyone's going to be like omg you used a swear word or something). **
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
not that big of a deal, but i was grocery shopping and had an airpod in so i could listen to this book i'm really enjoying but also still hear if someone needed to get by or whatever. i had my list out and one of those little mini-carts because, tbh, i'm too short to use the big ones. when i was going down an aisle, i heard someone say "hi" and just kept going about my business. it happened again and i glanced up really quickly and saw a kid in a cart waving and saying 'hi' to everyone who walked by. i ignored the kid and walked by so i could finish my shopping. ignoring the kid was apparently the most offensive thing humanly possible, because (what i'm assuming was) the mom glanced up and saw me ignoring/walking by without responding 'hi' back, she said "excuse me." i glanced up because i thought she was trying to get by or something, and i said "what?" "my son just said hi to you." "uh... okay." i continued down the aisle. "when someone says hello to you, you usually say hello back! that's the polite thing to do!" i said "yeah... sure, ok," and shook my head and continued down the aisle. we crossed paths several times through the rest of the store and she glared at me super fierce, and said "hello" in a very weird, like... mocking voice? i don't know. anyway when i got to the cashout lane she got to one nearby and kept loudly talking to the kid saying "some people just don't know how to be polite these days. it's okay, baby. everyone loves you." i'd had enough of the weird behavior so i scooted around on my way out and got down to the kid's level and yelled "helllooooooo" and then looked at the woman and said "helllloooooo???? why aren't you paying attention to me????? helloooooooo?" her cashier cracked up and so did the woman behind her but she looked like she was about to start crying. i feel kind of bad but also like... for fuck's sake lady, teach the kid that sometimes people don't want to fucking talk to you? aita? (i'm sure everyone's going to be like omg you used a swear word or something). ** [/INST] nta not everyone has to like kids or interact with them. "it's okay, baby. everyone loves you." --> jeez, this kid is going to have issues some day. </s>
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AITA for talking about my heritage?
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so, i, 23 female, am native american. i do not look it. i have a white biological father, and my bio dad is not my siblings father.
my siblings, my mom, my grandparents, and the person i call my father are native, and they look it. my skin color is rather pale because of bio dads genes, and for a long time i was really self conscious about it, with many people not believing my heritage or telling me to “prove” that i’m native! (note, no native or other poc has asked me to prove myself or anything, it’s only ever been white people, lol)
as i’ve grown and gotten more in touch with my roots, i claim my heritage and i know that genetics being weird are not indicative of my true self, that blood quantum is an outdated and racist ideal, etc, and i speak openly about who i am, ignoring the ‘haters’.
recently, a man came into my work, who was quite obviously another native man, and told me that i have beautiful features and that i look like i have native blood. i almost cried, it isn’t often that someone looks past my skin color and notices my features, and it really made me feel validated:)
we talked about cultural stuff for a little bit while i rung up his items, and, when he left, i couldn’t stop smiling!
then, i noticed my coworker looking super uncomfortable. i asked them wheat was wrong, and they said “well, it just makes me uncomfortable to hear about your supposed ‘heritage’.”
i asked them what they meant, and they said “there’s no reason to talk about that stuff at work, and it makes me uncomfortable to hear about because i don’t have anything like that to talk about, so it’s unfair, too. you get to pretend you’re special and it’s annoying. you look white, just accept it and stop trying to be special all the time.”
i got really mad at them and said that just because they weren’t connected to their roots didn’t mean i couldn’t be proud of mine, and that maybe they should look into their ancestors and see if they could find something cool, they might be irish or eastern european or scandinavian or something, and those cultures have rich historical backgrounds, which they could learn about and then they could have something to talk about too!
they got really mad at me and said that i should just stop talking about it, and they called me a jerk for acting like i’m better than them :( i don’t think i do act like i’m better! if they were able to connect with someone and talk about their heritage, i would be so happy for them!
am i really ta???
| 3,979 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uvib5p/aita_for_talking_about_my_heritage/
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2022-05-22 19:33:27
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nta -- how wonderful that a customer saw something familiar in you - you should hold on to that. there is nothing wrong with any of us talking about and connecting with our roots. each and every one of us are the descendants of survivors, lovers, haters, and people from times and circumstances we cannot really imagine.
your co-worker needs to lighten up. it isn't like you started the conversation or rammed it down their throat. maybe they need to spend some time thinking about why that conversation made them uncomfortable.
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nta - they were racist and jealous and need to grow up.
if it happens again, make a complaint because it is not okay.
you absolutely embrace and be proud of your heritage and continue to ignore the haters! 💚
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nta- i get it. i’m half white and half mexican. i embrace my hispanic side and love the culture especially because my dad is full mexican and passed away in 2013 which made me feel the need to embrace it more for my kids as he’s not around. but i have been around people who downplay me being hispanic at all because i don’t “look” or “sound” like it. keep being you op!
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nta at all! you are right, just because they arent in touch with their roots doesnt mean you shouldn't be. native peeps have been told to suppress their culture since white america took over. fuck that noise boiiii!!! lol i say this as a half white half mexican who isnt in touch with their roots. you do you boo!
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nta.
>they said "[...] i don’t have anything like that to talk about, so it’s unfair, too. you get to pretend you’re special and it’s annoying. you look white, just accept it and stop trying to be special all the time.”
someone's pissed that they're part of the preferred demographic of the us because they're not "special"? when he doesn't have people talking down (or much worse) to then for their pasty skin? when people are more likely to listen to him for being white and male?
damn. talk about taking the piss.
your coworker's attitude is racist, and it also sounds like he's got some self-loathing and esteem issues.
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nta, and from one native to another - we can easily spot each other out. it doesn’t matter if you look white - you’ve got native blood, native heart and native pride - and we can see that.
your coworkers were being racist and they should be reported, they felt comfortable berating you at work - imagine what they do to customers. their jealousy is coming off very strongly as racism and they can cause some serious damage to the work space.
also, my grandmother was half scottish - she’s the one that caused a quarter of us grandchildren to be white passing lmfao. but you can sure tell they’re native as soon as they open their mouths tho.
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nta. i think we can all take something valuable away from our ancestry. idk about my family's national heritage, but my grandfather's personal story is harrowing and he helped a lot of people, which i find inspiring. my so on the other hand is german and although his fam was not in germany in the early 20th cen, his extended family is super racist. however instead of feeling ashamed of his background and jealous of others' ancestry, he's not racist and he takes his family's stupid attitudes as inspiration to never be that way.
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nta
you are correct for the reasons that you are stated.
their uncomfortablity brings two questions- are they jealous and want to be native or are they possibly racist about natives talking about their culture.
you are right and your co-worker is just weird.
coming from a person with an english - irish heritage. and yea, there are some really interesting aspects of those cultures too!
it is kind of cool to find out cool things about other people's heritage. my boss is czech and she told me about the christmas markets in her country and this hotel that she worked at. it sounds so cool. i have italian co-workers and when they talk about their stuff, it is interesting too. i love the diversity of people!
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nta at all. i’m mostly of irish and scottish descent with some first nations in there. i carry native and irish features on my face. i had a man ask me once if i had irish heritage because i have a high forehead which i guess is typical of parts of ireland, and it made me so happy to have my heritage recognized in the wild.
as far as my native ancestry goes, i’ve always felt like i was much too “white” to even claim it, let alone celebrate it. it was a sister of our local tribes chief and another chief in my home province that made me feel so validated about my heritage. i also made a friend in a white passing first nations girl who was trying to return to her roots. she told me that it didn’t matter how little or much native blood i had (cause you’re right about blood quantum), it’s my heritage to love and celebrate and if i felt called to do that, i had every right to.
your co workers white fragility is so obvious. while i can somewhat see where the comments might be coming from, it was entirely out of line, and pretty freaking racist.
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nta and your coworker needs to get over their insecurities.
i'm white. mostly a european mutt, with a teensy bit of native american which i only mention as trivia, it's not enough to claim as my identity. i think other people's heritage is cool, yes please tell me all about it!! someone else being special doesn't detract from my own special-ness. even if i didn't identify with my slovak ancestry, i still wouldn't have any problem with someone else talking about their heritage. (i don't know enough about my ancestry to really talk about it all that much, but that's my own fault for not putting forth the effort.)
also... i have a cousin who is white-passing. her mother is white, her dad is peruvian. her brother (same parents) definitely *looks* peruvian. female cousin has just as much a right to claim her non-white heritage as her brother does!
this is an incredibly silly thing for anyone to be insecure about. ignore your coworker. keep talking about your heritage when it's relevant to the conversation, stay proud of it!! don't hide, please!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, i, 23 female, am native american. i do not look it. i have a white biological father, and my bio dad is not my siblings father. my siblings, my mom, my grandparents, and the person i call my father are native, and they look it. my skin color is rather pale because of bio dads genes, and for a long time i was really self conscious about it, with many people not believing my heritage or telling me to “prove” that i’m native! (note, no native or other poc has asked me to prove myself or anything, it’s only ever been white people, lol) as i’ve grown and gotten more in touch with my roots, i claim my heritage and i know that genetics being weird are not indicative of my true self, that blood quantum is an outdated and racist ideal, etc, and i speak openly about who i am, ignoring the ‘haters’. recently, a man came into my work, who was quite obviously another native man, and told me that i have beautiful features and that i look like i have native blood. i almost cried, it isn’t often that someone looks past my skin color and notices my features, and it really made me feel validated:) we talked about cultural stuff for a little bit while i rung up his items, and, when he left, i couldn’t stop smiling! then, i noticed my coworker looking super uncomfortable. i asked them wheat was wrong, and they said “well, it just makes me uncomfortable to hear about your supposed ‘heritage’.” i asked them what they meant, and they said “there’s no reason to talk about that stuff at work, and it makes me uncomfortable to hear about because i don’t have anything like that to talk about, so it’s unfair, too. you get to pretend you’re special and it’s annoying. you look white, just accept it and stop trying to be special all the time.” i got really mad at them and said that just because they weren’t connected to their roots didn’t mean i couldn’t be proud of mine, and that maybe they should look into their ancestors and see if they could find something cool, they might be irish or eastern european or scandinavian or something, and those cultures have rich historical backgrounds, which they could learn about and then they could have something to talk about too! they got really mad at me and said that i should just stop talking about it, and they called me a jerk for acting like i’m better than them :( i don’t think i do act like i’m better! if they were able to connect with someone and talk about their heritage, i would be so happy for them! am i really ta???
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so, i, 23 female, am native american. i do not look it. i have a white biological father, and my bio dad is not my siblings father. my siblings, my mom, my grandparents, and the person i call my father are native, and they look it. my skin color is rather pale because of bio dads genes, and for a long time i was really self conscious about it, with many people not believing my heritage or telling me to “prove” that i’m native! (note, no native or other poc has asked me to prove myself or anything, it’s only ever been white people, lol) as i’ve grown and gotten more in touch with my roots, i claim my heritage and i know that genetics being weird are not indicative of my true self, that blood quantum is an outdated and racist ideal, etc, and i speak openly about who i am, ignoring the ‘haters’. recently, a man came into my work, who was quite obviously another native man, and told me that i have beautiful features and that i look like i have native blood. i almost cried, it isn’t often that someone looks past my skin color and notices my features, and it really made me feel validated:) we talked about cultural stuff for a little bit while i rung up his items, and, when he left, i couldn’t stop smiling! then, i noticed my coworker looking super uncomfortable. i asked them wheat was wrong, and they said “well, it just makes me uncomfortable to hear about your supposed ‘heritage’.” i asked them what they meant, and they said “there’s no reason to talk about that stuff at work, and it makes me uncomfortable to hear about because i don’t have anything like that to talk about, so it’s unfair, too. you get to pretend you’re special and it’s annoying. you look white, just accept it and stop trying to be special all the time.” i got really mad at them and said that just because they weren’t connected to their roots didn’t mean i couldn’t be proud of mine, and that maybe they should look into their ancestors and see if they could find something cool, they might be irish or eastern european or scandinavian or something, and those cultures have rich historical backgrounds, which they could learn about and then they could have something to talk about too! they got really mad at me and said that i should just stop talking about it, and they called me a jerk for acting like i’m better than them :( i don’t think i do act like i’m better! if they were able to connect with someone and talk about their heritage, i would be so happy for them! am i really ta??? [/INST] nta -- how wonderful that a customer saw something familiar in you - you should hold on to that. there is nothing wrong with any of us talking about and connecting with our roots. each and every one of us are the descendants of survivors, lovers, haters, and people from times and circumstances we cannot really imagine. your co-worker needs to lighten up. it isn't like you started the conversation or rammed it down their throat. maybe they need to spend some time thinking about why that conversation made them uncomfortable. </s>
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AITA for telling my sister to uninvite her friend to my son's destination wedding?
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my son's wedding will be at one of those "everything included" resorts in mexico end of may.
the hotel fee is per person so you aren't going to pay less if you have another person in your room.
my older sister invited one of her friends to go with her to mexico.
she wouldn't be invited to go to the actual wedding or the reception but will be hanging out during the rest of our "downtime" so if anyone wanted to spend time with my sister, we would also have to spend time with her friend.
my younger sister lives in australia and so we don't see her very often.
i was looking forward to the "sisters hanging out" and now it would be the sisters and this random friend.
yes, i have met her twice and younger sister has met her but that doesn't mean either of us want to hang out with her and what would we have to talk about with her?
she called my son's fiancee to "ask permission" and caught her off guard so of course, she said it was okay but my son called me and said that it "bothered him" that my sister would be bringing this person.
to top all of this off, my sister told me that their flight included an 8-hour layover in houston and her friend's sister lives there so they called her to let her know they could meet up for a few hours and her friend invited her sister and said they could "play wedding crashers"
that really pissed me off because it seemed like they might really try to crash the reception.
i told my sister she had to uninvite her friend and that i didn't want her friend there.
so now my older sisters "feelings are hurt" and my younger sister "doesn't see what my problem with is"
they both seem to think "the more the merrier"
my son's wedding, he isn't comfortable with this and equally isn't comfortable telling his aunts this.
my sisters think i am being "unreasonable"
| 1,159 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fav7eu/aita_for_telling_my_sister_to_uninvite_her_friend/
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2020-02-28 14:07:16
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nta. crashing weddings is an asshole move and for them to be flippant about it, is a concern. the fact that the groom has issues with this is valid and given that this is his wedding that should carry weight.
if your sisters want to have a vacation with or without their friend they should do it elsewhere. honestly, i would think they'd be thinking very differently if someone had tried to crash one of their weddings.
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nta - it’s your son and future dil wedding and this is what they want
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nah. i get why you're uncomfortable and would definitely be really clear that the friend isn't invited to the wedding, but resorts are available for everyone and weddings are one day events, the rest of the time everyone is free to do as they choose.
i don't know what your family dynamics are, and i don't have any siblings, but if i had to go to a family wedding and take time off and pay a bunch of money i would definitely want to make it into a vacation and invite a friend.
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yta
the wedding is one aspect to a week (it sounds like) long vacation. people are allowed to bring friends on vacation.
the friend isn't going to the wedding or participating in any wedding activities so what's the issue? should all the other guests at the resort leave as well since they're also not there for a wedding?
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yta if you invite people to a destination wedding they get to bring a guest. they’re expensive and a pain and no one wants to be alone. furthermore, this person isn’t even coming to wedding events. you have no business telling other people who’s allowed in their hotel room.
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yta. you seem to be overly invested in your son's wedding and its planning when in reality this event isn't about you! stop being a drama queen! similarly your various family members who seem to be opposed to this friend attending the event need to butt out! if your son (the groom) is opposed to this person attending then the onus is on him to deal with it. not you. i'm also in the camp of "the more the merrier." you're supposed to be celebrating your son's union to his betrothed. stop making his wedding a drama filled nightmare of bullshit over nothing!
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info: is she paying for her own travel and accommodations?
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yta.
she's flying from australia to mexico for your kid's wedding. as long as the friend doesn't *actually* crash the wedding and you/the bridal couple are not paying for her accommodations/travel, you get *zero* say about how she structures her vacation, which is really what this is, her vacation that she's paying for that she's kind enough to center around your kid's wedding.
your sister's obligation here is to attend the wedding she ostensibly rsvp'd yes to, and any other wedding events she responded yes to, sans uninvited guests. anything else she does is her business. if you wanted this to be a family reunion, you should've told her that before she made plans and bought tickets to bring a friend. you don't have to like it, but you kinda have to live with it.
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yta. the friend is not going to the wedding or the reception, and there definitely going to be other people in the hotel. i don't see the problem
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ywbta - i understand why you would have preferred to have her attend solo, that you want more time and attention from her, you can't help those feelings.but she's an adult, there's really nothing you can do or say to stop this from happening and you will probably alienate her by making it a big deal.
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.35412 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my son's wedding will be at one of those "everything included" resorts in mexico end of may. the hotel fee is per person so you aren't going to pay less if you have another person in your room. my older sister invited one of her friends to go with her to mexico. she wouldn't be invited to go to the actual wedding or the reception but will be hanging out during the rest of our "downtime" so if anyone wanted to spend time with my sister, we would also have to spend time with her friend. my younger sister lives in australia and so we don't see her very often. i was looking forward to the "sisters hanging out" and now it would be the sisters and this random friend. yes, i have met her twice and younger sister has met her but that doesn't mean either of us want to hang out with her and what would we have to talk about with her? she called my son's fiancee to "ask permission" and caught her off guard so of course, she said it was okay but my son called me and said that it "bothered him" that my sister would be bringing this person. to top all of this off, my sister told me that their flight included an 8-hour layover in houston and her friend's sister lives there so they called her to let her know they could meet up for a few hours and her friend invited her sister and said they could "play wedding crashers" that really pissed me off because it seemed like they might really try to crash the reception. i told my sister she had to uninvite her friend and that i didn't want her friend there. so now my older sisters "feelings are hurt" and my younger sister "doesn't see what my problem with is" they both seem to think "the more the merrier" my son's wedding, he isn't comfortable with this and equally isn't comfortable telling his aunts this. my sisters think i am being "unreasonable"
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my son's wedding will be at one of those "everything included" resorts in mexico end of may. the hotel fee is per person so you aren't going to pay less if you have another person in your room. my older sister invited one of her friends to go with her to mexico. she wouldn't be invited to go to the actual wedding or the reception but will be hanging out during the rest of our "downtime" so if anyone wanted to spend time with my sister, we would also have to spend time with her friend. my younger sister lives in australia and so we don't see her very often. i was looking forward to the "sisters hanging out" and now it would be the sisters and this random friend. yes, i have met her twice and younger sister has met her but that doesn't mean either of us want to hang out with her and what would we have to talk about with her? she called my son's fiancee to "ask permission" and caught her off guard so of course, she said it was okay but my son called me and said that it "bothered him" that my sister would be bringing this person. to top all of this off, my sister told me that their flight included an 8-hour layover in houston and her friend's sister lives there so they called her to let her know they could meet up for a few hours and her friend invited her sister and said they could "play wedding crashers" that really pissed me off because it seemed like they might really try to crash the reception. i told my sister she had to uninvite her friend and that i didn't want her friend there. so now my older sisters "feelings are hurt" and my younger sister "doesn't see what my problem with is" they both seem to think "the more the merrier" my son's wedding, he isn't comfortable with this and equally isn't comfortable telling his aunts this. my sisters think i am being "unreasonable" [/INST] nta. crashing weddings is an asshole move and for them to be flippant about it, is a concern. the fact that the groom has issues with this is valid and given that this is his wedding that should carry weight. if your sisters want to have a vacation with or without their friend they should do it elsewhere. honestly, i would think they'd be thinking very differently if someone had tried to crash one of their weddings. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife her dog isn't her baby?
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i've been married to my wife for about 2 years.
a year ago we lost our daughter, sarah at 5 months old.
we got a dog, samuel (or sam-i-am as she calls him) who my wife absolutely loves, we get into the house and she'll spend like 10 minutes talking to the dog saying things like "*mummy missed her baby*" etc
the dog loves her too, he literally follows her everywhere (*even to the bathroom*)
we recently went out to meal with friends and they bought up children, they're planning.
my wife said "we have enough on our hands right now with our baby!!"
i said "he isn't your baby" then to friends i bought up the fact that next year or the year after we're going to start trying for a baby again.
my wife now insists i was an asshole and should mind my business next time.
aita?
| 734 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eqnf9p/aita_for_telling_my_wife_her_dog_isnt_her_baby/
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2020-01-18 22:25:42
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yta. yes, your wife's treatment of the dog might be over the top, but it is probably in part a reaction to the loss of your actual baby, so you should definitely cut her some slack. what did you hope to accomplish by correcting her in front of your friends?
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yeah, kinda.
a lot of people talk about their dogs like that who haven’t lost a baby. she probably has some weird feelings about possibly trying for another and it might have been easier for her to say “we have enough on our hands with our fur baby” than “i’m still trying to emotionally process what happened last time and i’m not sure if we’re ready, especially if my parter isn’t being fully supportive, we think we might want to try again but i have some unresolved issues on my mind, etc” so she made a playful remark instead. you could’ve made one back “yeah but wouldn’t it be fun to try for a whole litter?” or something. instead the mood probably got killed for her and she felt uncomfortable.
now she feels on the spot with her friends and possibly feels that she doesn’t have support from you.
she didn’t do anything wrong, so i can’t say everyone sucks. yta
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yta i get that you're probably hurting that your child died, she is too.
maybe you dont have that emotional connection with the dog but she does that is her baby. she is i am sure still grieving but dismissing her love for sam is not the way to handle that.
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yta. it's one thing to be uncomfortable with how your wife seems to be "latching" on to the dog in the wake of a child passing away; it's another to do it abruptly, in a way that indicates frustration and disrespect, in front of your mutual friends.
you guys need to talk about what's going on in your heads, and what's going on in your house (preferably with a grief counselor to help translate) way before you start talking about what is or isn't going on in her uterus.
i'm so incredibly sorry for your loss.
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you were right but you were also an asshole. yta
let’s see:
out in public with friends, check
hits on an emotionally sore spot, check
dismissive, check
heartless, check
seriously dude
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yta, you don't need to publicly humiliate her for her way of coping, even then lots of people call their dog's things like this to start. this is between you and her anyway, and you probably just made a tense and awkward situation for everyone following what was probably her joking to make light of a sad situation.
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yta. what exactly did you want to happen when you humiliated her in public? this is something you two should talk about with a therapist. you both are still grieving obviously, but plenty of people call their pets their baby. im sure shes fully aware of the fact that she did not birth a dog.
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yta. it’s so so clear from just your first 2 paragraphs that she’s been through a lot. marriages are long and empathy goes a long way.
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yta. this is how she is dealing and grieving. and fyi alot of people do this who haven't been what you guys have. is it hurting you she does this??
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yta
you made a passive aggressive comment on an issue that you should have addressed in private at home.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i've been married to my wife for about 2 years. a year ago we lost our daughter, sarah at 5 months old. we got a dog, samuel (or sam-i-am as she calls him) who my wife absolutely loves, we get into the house and she'll spend like 10 minutes talking to the dog saying things like "*mummy missed her baby*" etc the dog loves her too, he literally follows her everywhere (*even to the bathroom*) we recently went out to meal with friends and they bought up children, they're planning. my wife said "we have enough on our hands right now with our baby!!" i said "he isn't your baby" then to friends i bought up the fact that next year or the year after we're going to start trying for a baby again. my wife now insists i was an asshole and should mind my business next time. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i've been married to my wife for about 2 years. a year ago we lost our daughter, sarah at 5 months old. we got a dog, samuel (or sam-i-am as she calls him) who my wife absolutely loves, we get into the house and she'll spend like 10 minutes talking to the dog saying things like "*mummy missed her baby*" etc the dog loves her too, he literally follows her everywhere (*even to the bathroom*) we recently went out to meal with friends and they bought up children, they're planning. my wife said "we have enough on our hands right now with our baby!!" i said "he isn't your baby" then to friends i bought up the fact that next year or the year after we're going to start trying for a baby again. my wife now insists i was an asshole and should mind my business next time. aita? [/INST] yta. yes, your wife's treatment of the dog might be over the top, but it is probably in part a reaction to the loss of your actual baby, so you should definitely cut her some slack. what did you hope to accomplish by correcting her in front of your friends? </s>
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AITA for going to school with my daughter to ensured she behaved?
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my daughter, 13, has been misbehaving quite frequently in class. her teacher, mrs simmons has been calling me and scheduling repeated meetings to discuss my daughters behavior. my daughter is constantly passing notes, doodling, using her phone in class, making obnoxious disruptive noises, and trying to be a class clown.
after hearing about this for the third time in a week i decided to go down there and join my daughter in class. her teacher said it was ok so i sat in the desk next to her in class. my daughter was mortified telling me not to. i told her she ran out of chances and i will be joining her until she behaves. all her classmates were of course laughing, i would be too if i were them.
when we got home my daughter said she hated me and i was the worst mom ever. she said she became a laughing stock and how what i did was so unbelievably cruel. i told her she deserved it for being so disruptive and i hoped she learned a valuable lesson from it.
my husband is quite upset about it and he skyped me from afghanistan saying how ridiculous this was and how i should’ve handled it differently before getting cut off. idk how he’s currently feeling about it. on the bright side though, teachers have said my daughter’s behavior has improved.
| 545 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jz4nhw/aita_for_going_to_school_with_my_daughter_to/
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2020-11-22 22:06:31
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nta if you’d tried to discipline her other ways first. 3 times in 1 week for continued bad behavior is terrible. she probably kept doing it because she didn’t think there would be more serious consequences for her actions.
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nta i’ll be downvoted all the way to mordor for this but tough love is an effective tool when raising teens. it keeps the snarky attitude to a manageable level.
you’re her parent, not her friend and you have shown your daughter that there are consequences to her actions. you shouldn’t have to baby a 13 year old, they know better.
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info: have you consulted a child therapist and gotten your daughter screened for adhd/add?
girls are usually underdiagnosed, particularly if they don't demonstrate hyperactivity. at least go through the checklists available online and see if she meets any other criteria.
i'm not a doctor, so i can't say. but, if she's having trouble because of a condition out of her control, it should be treated instead of punished. so, let's rule it out, at least.
(
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i wonder what would have happened a) had you told your daughter that this was a potential consequence or b) you had taken away her phone in the first place.
info: did you discuss the issue with your daughter first, like when the teacher called? what other consequences had you given her?
going to school with a middle schooler is an extreme step.
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**nta**
i am not sure how it started, but my school (less than 200 people) had "parental detentions." it was exactly what you did. they would require the parent come and follow the student around all day. when you have working parents, with jobs, this makes them mad. it also horrifies the kid.
so, what i think you did was perfect and worked great at my high school. i never had my mom come down for the day, because i didn't want to deal with that anger at home. but the kids who did have their parents come for the day shaped up pretty quickly.
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at the risk of being that guy on this post, yta
i'm just not here for here for i can't control my kid or talk to them so let's humiliate them.
everything you described is a symptom of adhd or another underlying problem. but making sure your kid just hates you will work too i'm sure.
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nta, not even a little bit.
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nta
shes bahaving now isnt she? she got the laughs she wanted.
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yta. public humiliation is a firm limit. discipline takes place out of public eye. if either of my parents had ever done that, i don’t know if i would ever have forgiven them. actually, i know i would not have. if your daughter is acting out, then address it like an adult. this was childish and petulant. frankly, damaging. you got joy out of other children laughing at her and that’s sick.
what you did was unforgivable, id really start trying to mend that relationship, i wouldn’t hope for the best though.
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have you talked to your doctor about your daughter's behavior? attention defect disorders are severely underdiagnosed in girls because they're behavior is seen as "chatty, annoying, distracting" and is brushed under the rug. i suggest you talk to your daughter and her pediatrician. esh. public humiliation never works.
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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INFO
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
| 0.457842 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter, 13, has been misbehaving quite frequently in class. her teacher, mrs simmons has been calling me and scheduling repeated meetings to discuss my daughters behavior. my daughter is constantly passing notes, doodling, using her phone in class, making obnoxious disruptive noises, and trying to be a class clown. after hearing about this for the third time in a week i decided to go down there and join my daughter in class. her teacher said it was ok so i sat in the desk next to her in class. my daughter was mortified telling me not to. i told her she ran out of chances and i will be joining her until she behaves. all her classmates were of course laughing, i would be too if i were them. when we got home my daughter said she hated me and i was the worst mom ever. she said she became a laughing stock and how what i did was so unbelievably cruel. i told her she deserved it for being so disruptive and i hoped she learned a valuable lesson from it. my husband is quite upset about it and he skyped me from afghanistan saying how ridiculous this was and how i should’ve handled it differently before getting cut off. idk how he’s currently feeling about it. on the bright side though, teachers have said my daughter’s behavior has improved.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter, 13, has been misbehaving quite frequently in class. her teacher, mrs simmons has been calling me and scheduling repeated meetings to discuss my daughters behavior. my daughter is constantly passing notes, doodling, using her phone in class, making obnoxious disruptive noises, and trying to be a class clown. after hearing about this for the third time in a week i decided to go down there and join my daughter in class. her teacher said it was ok so i sat in the desk next to her in class. my daughter was mortified telling me not to. i told her she ran out of chances and i will be joining her until she behaves. all her classmates were of course laughing, i would be too if i were them. when we got home my daughter said she hated me and i was the worst mom ever. she said she became a laughing stock and how what i did was so unbelievably cruel. i told her she deserved it for being so disruptive and i hoped she learned a valuable lesson from it. my husband is quite upset about it and he skyped me from afghanistan saying how ridiculous this was and how i should’ve handled it differently before getting cut off. idk how he’s currently feeling about it. on the bright side though, teachers have said my daughter’s behavior has improved. [/INST] nta if you’d tried to discipline her other ways first. 3 times in 1 week for continued bad behavior is terrible. she probably kept doing it because she didn’t think there would be more serious consequences for her actions. </s>
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WIBTA if I kicked out my mother?
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long story short, my mother spent money she didn't have, couldn't pay rent and is now living with me and my wife. she wanted to pay me rent while she lives with us, but i said she didn't have to so she could pay her debt and get a place of her own sooner. so she said she would be cleaning the house to compensate, i said she didn't need to as i've been doing it for years just fine. she insisted, i gave up trying to argue.
one of the reasons i didn't want her to clean the house is because she is too perfectionist when it comes to that, everything has to be shining. me and my wife don't mind a little mess every once in a while. another thing i hated while growing up living with my mother is that she has a habit of changing the furniture out of places, but that wasn't much more than a mild inconvenience then; but now it's just being an asshole, since my wife is blind.
even thought i expected it to be clear, i explicitly told my mother that she wasn't supposed to change anything out of place since my wife was used to things being where they were and that's how she navigated around the house.
it started with the trash can in the kitchen, then the sofa, then the fridge and finally yesterday she cause my wife to trip and bruise her knee by moving the dinner table a few inches.
i told my mother that i finally had enough and if she couldn't keep up with the rules at my house she would have to go. i talked to my wife later and she says i went too far and would be an asshole if i kicked out my mother. wife says she doesn't mind it as it was just a bruise. i think it was just a bruise now, next time could be a broken arm.
| 713 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hsw1pm/wibta_if_i_kicked_out_my_mother/
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2020-07-17 13:52:23
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nta. she's taking advantage of you and risking your wife's safety.
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nta. it was a very simple very important request. her behavior put your wife in danger. this time it's a bruised knee next time she could hit her head on the coffee table. what if she had hot coffee in her hands. it's unacceptable and your wife has every right to be safe in her own home.
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nta. kick her out. i can't tell if your mom is mean, forgetful, or stupid, but she's not a safe person to have in your home where your wife has very specific needs.
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nta- it’s your house. cleaning is one thing, but moving furniture when your wife is blind is dangerous. this could cause your wife great harm.
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nta. it really isn’t hard to refrain from moving furniture around. you are doing her a huge favor, and all she has to do in return is to not make your home unsafe for your wife. if she can’t even do that, she should absolutely get her own home to do with as she wishes.
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**nta** your wife is a people pleaser who enables your mom's boundary stomping. mom hasn't complied with anything you agreed and needs to go.
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nta, not only is your mother ignoring the fact she is possibly endangering someone that is letting her live with them for free, but it’s also rude to move peoples furniture it’s not her house.
you told her repeatedly to stop and she ignored you. she either feels entitled and you won’t do anything or she figures she’s “mom” and won’t be told what to do. either way what if it wasn’t your wife’s knee but she hit her head?
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nta good for you for protecting your wife
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nta
you don't accidentally or absentmindedly move a dining room table, its a conscious act. you definitely don't do it if you've been told specifically not to. she is treating your house as if it were hers, and if she can't keep basic boundaries then you will have to consider kicking her out.
if you feel as if the situation is salvageable then i'd suggest sitting your mother down and calmly, but firmly telling her that furniture will not be moved at all, and if anything is moved from this point on she will have to find other accommodation.
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nta. literally a safety hazard. if it involves life, limb or eye sight then your request shouldn't be that hard to follow. so if she can't follow that, then she can go, period. because best believe, if the shoe were on the other foot she'd be adamant you do it for her.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: long story short, my mother spent money she didn't have, couldn't pay rent and is now living with me and my wife. she wanted to pay me rent while she lives with us, but i said she didn't have to so she could pay her debt and get a place of her own sooner. so she said she would be cleaning the house to compensate, i said she didn't need to as i've been doing it for years just fine. she insisted, i gave up trying to argue. one of the reasons i didn't want her to clean the house is because she is too perfectionist when it comes to that, everything has to be shining. me and my wife don't mind a little mess every once in a while. another thing i hated while growing up living with my mother is that she has a habit of changing the furniture out of places, but that wasn't much more than a mild inconvenience then; but now it's just being an asshole, since my wife is blind. even thought i expected it to be clear, i explicitly told my mother that she wasn't supposed to change anything out of place since my wife was used to things being where they were and that's how she navigated around the house. it started with the trash can in the kitchen, then the sofa, then the fridge and finally yesterday she cause my wife to trip and bruise her knee by moving the dinner table a few inches. i told my mother that i finally had enough and if she couldn't keep up with the rules at my house she would have to go. i talked to my wife later and she says i went too far and would be an asshole if i kicked out my mother. wife says she doesn't mind it as it was just a bruise. i think it was just a bruise now, next time could be a broken arm.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
long story short, my mother spent money she didn't have, couldn't pay rent and is now living with me and my wife. she wanted to pay me rent while she lives with us, but i said she didn't have to so she could pay her debt and get a place of her own sooner. so she said she would be cleaning the house to compensate, i said she didn't need to as i've been doing it for years just fine. she insisted, i gave up trying to argue. one of the reasons i didn't want her to clean the house is because she is too perfectionist when it comes to that, everything has to be shining. me and my wife don't mind a little mess every once in a while. another thing i hated while growing up living with my mother is that she has a habit of changing the furniture out of places, but that wasn't much more than a mild inconvenience then; but now it's just being an asshole, since my wife is blind. even thought i expected it to be clear, i explicitly told my mother that she wasn't supposed to change anything out of place since my wife was used to things being where they were and that's how she navigated around the house. it started with the trash can in the kitchen, then the sofa, then the fridge and finally yesterday she cause my wife to trip and bruise her knee by moving the dinner table a few inches. i told my mother that i finally had enough and if she couldn't keep up with the rules at my house she would have to go. i talked to my wife later and she says i went too far and would be an asshole if i kicked out my mother. wife says she doesn't mind it as it was just a bruise. i think it was just a bruise now, next time could be a broken arm. [/INST] nta. she's taking advantage of you and risking your wife's safety. </s>
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AITA For not canceling an uber
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so this is stupid cause i feel pretty strongly that i was not in the wrong here but my friend who drives uber tells me i am.
i work overnights and was trying to get home from a saturday night shift -so it was technically sunday morning- it was around 6 am and the buses dont run until 8 am on sundays so uber was my only option to get home in time to eat relax and sleep to get back to work for 8pm that night.
i ordered my car and the guy got to the intersection to turn into the lot, pulled a uie went back up the road, turned up another major road and was on the road over 3/4s of the way to where i was going anyway then cancelled on me when i texted saying "um whats happening?". like he drove all the way to me and then left me there and got most of the way to my house then cancelled.
now the second driver is where i may have been ta. i ordered a new car and was accepted by a guy who was dropping someone off at the airport which is about 10/15 minutes down a main road from where i was.
he dropped that customer got on the highway and proceeded to drive past 4 seperate exits that would have gotten him on track to me. he got all the way to the glebe (part of the ottawa downtown) then messaged me telling me to cancel the ride. at this point i was out of patience hungry and very tired but i simply replied "no, if i cancel i'll be charged a fee."
he then called me to argue and lied abd said i wouldnt be charged anything and tried to whine about how he was "all the way downtown now" (by this point he was passing near the byward market) to which i said "well you were at the airport and im here on hunt club close to the airport so i dont see how thats my problem" he called me a bitch hung up and finally cancelled it himself.
luckily the third driver was one i had before getting home in the morning and is super great. i ended up contacting uber support with the screenshots i took of the first driver fucking off and the second driver telling me to cancel. my friend who drives uber told me i was a jerk and the guy probably just wanted to get home and i should have jsut taken the fee and disputed it later. but i think its the principal of the thing, if you dont want to make another trip then dont accept the trip and leave a customer waiting in the cold (this was mid february in fucking ottawa i was freezing) and certainly dont out the responsibility on the customer or insult them.
im pretty anxious by default though and my friend got in my head and now im second guessing if i was rude and if it was wrong for me to contact uber about it.
| 1,232 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fz1t2o/aita_for_not_canceling_an_uber/
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2020-04-11 10:09:49
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nta, this has happened to me too and it sucks.
if anyone who drives uber sees this comment, pls answer why do drivers beg us to be the ones to cancel (even though it charges us) when they're the ones that change their minds / can't complete the deal?
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nta. the driver was wrong. you are right. your friend expects you to take the hit when it’s not on you.
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to me, nta especially given how he had already accepted it and knew you'd be waiting for him. working overnights or graveyard is just killer and having to rely on a drive service makes it worse i'd imagine. (i usually got out by the time buses started to run before i got a car)
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yeah, f-that. the first two drivers was in the wrong. uber is a service business. learn to do the service or don’t do them at all. nta
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nta. why should you have to pay the fee and then contest it for a chance of getting it back?
the uber driver obviously has a penalty himself he's trying to avoid, his job is to know to navigate to his customer on time and he missed all the exits, went to a completely different direction and wanted you to be penalised for it? then proceeded to verbally assault you? unacceptable.
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nta
your friend is an idiot for blaming you and if he as an uber driver does the same to customers, then your friend is an asshole.
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nta if he wanted to just get home that’s his own problem and shouldn’t have accepted you. your friend and the driver are wrong. if you wanted to go home early in any other job you can’t just walk out. the least the driver could have done if he wanted to go home is cancel the trip himself without being an asshole to you and expecting you to pay a fee even if you’d get the money back.
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nta. uber drivers do this all the time if they don’t want to take a ride. understand how their system works: they don’t have to accept a ride if they don’t want it. these guys accepted your ride in order to screw you over and get a couple bucks without doing actual work.
i once had a driver do this to me and demand i cancel, i refused and just left the ride open, opened lyft and called a lyft driver, and played chicken with the first guy until he cancelled the ride. 🤷🏻♀️
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nta. he was 100% after the fee. as a driver i have been in the position where my app glitches out when i try to cancel and i was unable to so therefore requested the rider do it but a) that’s only happened twice in four years of ubering and b) i explained that that was the reason why on the phone.
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nta.
why do ottawa uber drivers seem to be... not good?
i literally have to call and walk every single one through how to get to our house. its the first left after turning off a major road. every. single. uber driver goes sailing right past us and fucks around in the subdivision.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so this is stupid cause i feel pretty strongly that i was not in the wrong here but my friend who drives uber tells me i am. i work overnights and was trying to get home from a saturday night shift -so it was technically sunday morning- it was around 6 am and the buses dont run until 8 am on sundays so uber was my only option to get home in time to eat relax and sleep to get back to work for 8pm that night. i ordered my car and the guy got to the intersection to turn into the lot, pulled a uie went back up the road, turned up another major road and was on the road over 3/4s of the way to where i was going anyway then cancelled on me when i texted saying "um whats happening?". like he drove all the way to me and then left me there and got most of the way to my house then cancelled. now the second driver is where i may have been ta. i ordered a new car and was accepted by a guy who was dropping someone off at the airport which is about 10/15 minutes down a main road from where i was. he dropped that customer got on the highway and proceeded to drive past 4 seperate exits that would have gotten him on track to me. he got all the way to the glebe (part of the ottawa downtown) then messaged me telling me to cancel the ride. at this point i was out of patience hungry and very tired but i simply replied "no, if i cancel i'll be charged a fee." he then called me to argue and lied abd said i wouldnt be charged anything and tried to whine about how he was "all the way downtown now" (by this point he was passing near the byward market) to which i said "well you were at the airport and im here on hunt club close to the airport so i dont see how thats my problem" he called me a bitch hung up and finally cancelled it himself. luckily the third driver was one i had before getting home in the morning and is super great. i ended up contacting uber support with the screenshots i took of the first driver fucking off and the second driver telling me to cancel. my friend who drives uber told me i was a jerk and the guy probably just wanted to get home and i should have jsut taken the fee and disputed it later. but i think its the principal of the thing, if you dont want to make another trip then dont accept the trip and leave a customer waiting in the cold (this was mid february in fucking ottawa i was freezing) and certainly dont out the responsibility on the customer or insult them. im pretty anxious by default though and my friend got in my head and now im second guessing if i was rude and if it was wrong for me to contact uber about it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so this is stupid cause i feel pretty strongly that i was not in the wrong here but my friend who drives uber tells me i am. i work overnights and was trying to get home from a saturday night shift -so it was technically sunday morning- it was around 6 am and the buses dont run until 8 am on sundays so uber was my only option to get home in time to eat relax and sleep to get back to work for 8pm that night. i ordered my car and the guy got to the intersection to turn into the lot, pulled a uie went back up the road, turned up another major road and was on the road over 3/4s of the way to where i was going anyway then cancelled on me when i texted saying "um whats happening?". like he drove all the way to me and then left me there and got most of the way to my house then cancelled. now the second driver is where i may have been ta. i ordered a new car and was accepted by a guy who was dropping someone off at the airport which is about 10/15 minutes down a main road from where i was. he dropped that customer got on the highway and proceeded to drive past 4 seperate exits that would have gotten him on track to me. he got all the way to the glebe (part of the ottawa downtown) then messaged me telling me to cancel the ride. at this point i was out of patience hungry and very tired but i simply replied "no, if i cancel i'll be charged a fee." he then called me to argue and lied abd said i wouldnt be charged anything and tried to whine about how he was "all the way downtown now" (by this point he was passing near the byward market) to which i said "well you were at the airport and im here on hunt club close to the airport so i dont see how thats my problem" he called me a bitch hung up and finally cancelled it himself. luckily the third driver was one i had before getting home in the morning and is super great. i ended up contacting uber support with the screenshots i took of the first driver fucking off and the second driver telling me to cancel. my friend who drives uber told me i was a jerk and the guy probably just wanted to get home and i should have jsut taken the fee and disputed it later. but i think its the principal of the thing, if you dont want to make another trip then dont accept the trip and leave a customer waiting in the cold (this was mid february in fucking ottawa i was freezing) and certainly dont out the responsibility on the customer or insult them. im pretty anxious by default though and my friend got in my head and now im second guessing if i was rude and if it was wrong for me to contact uber about it. [/INST] nta, this has happened to me too and it sucks. if anyone who drives uber sees this comment, pls answer why do drivers beg us to be the ones to cancel (even though it charges us) when they're the ones that change their minds / can't complete the deal? </s>
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AITA for kicking my son's wife out?
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so my son got married super early (18) and i supported him but also expressed my grievances. anyways his wife has always hated me for anything i do. i've tried to lead a olive branch but she always rejects it. him and his wife fell on quite hard times after my son lost his job. my son has been fine living with me but his wife wasn't. she complains about anything and everything i do, she hates my cooking but if my son heats her up a bowl it's the best thing ever, if i clean the whole house plus the room they are staying in i always miss a spot never a thank you or anything. yesterday decided i didn't want to be treated like this anymore and told her that i dont know where this hostility was coming from and if she doesn't at least try to get to know me then she can leave. she proceeded to call me the b word so i gave her 30 days to move out. my son said that was too harsh and to just deal with it, but i already have for a long time. so reddit, aita
eta i found why dil has been treating me like this. my son told her that i resent her for taking my son. i dont know why he told her that but it is what it is.
info: i am kicking my son out too
| 7,816 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pxuk1n/aita_for_kicking_my_sons_wife_out/
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2021-09-29 12:41:55
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nta. married adults acting like children. no one is entitled to your house. 30 days is generous. there is no reason why either of them cannot find work right now.
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nta. you're giving them a place to stay, food to eat and other living necessities. it is your house and you have a right to kick them out if they aren't pulling their weight. especially if she's disrespectful towards you at every corner.
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**nta**
nobody should have put up with this kind of disrespect and hostility in their own home.
you've welcomed this person into your home and shown them kindness in their time of need. i can't even begin to understand how she has the nerve to treat you and talk to you this way! any normal person would be thankful and do their best to be respectful and helpful around the house.
**info**: how does your son feel about the way she talks to you? has he actually heard the things she says to you / how does he react?
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nta
you are not responsible for cleaning up their room, or supplying them with meals. you are not even responsible for housing them. you choose to clean, feed and house them but instead of thanks, you receive insults.
her behavior towards you is horrible. sounds like an bad mannered teenager. it's not your job to raise her and teach her manners but, i'm afraid you will have to do that too.
i think you were right to kick her out, her behavior should not be tolerated. consider giving her a long list of behavioral guidelines for her future visits such as, never swear at me, always be respectful, always thank me for the meal, always clean up after yourself etc. and take away visit privileges or don't serve her meals if she violates the rules.
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nta - she’s an immature ungrateful asshole and you are already doing way too much for them.
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nta. if you are old enough to get married you are old enough to live on your own.
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info:
if you could guess why she hates you, what would it be?
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meh, nta. they wanna get married and act grown then they should live on their own and act grown.
it’s crazy how you clean and cook for a married couple too, they should be doing that if they’re in your space. what’s the wife’s problem, does she just resent you because expressed very valid concern over getting married at 18 🤨
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nta because it’s your house, but i also feel like there’s probably more to this story. you aired grievances about him getting married at 18 or about who he was marrying? either way, i’d say living together isn’t a good idea.
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nta - it's your home. your son better remind his wife that you don't have to "deal with it" in your house, and that you are helping them out.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my son got married super early (18) and i supported him but also expressed my grievances. anyways his wife has always hated me for anything i do. i've tried to lead a olive branch but she always rejects it. him and his wife fell on quite hard times after my son lost his job. my son has been fine living with me but his wife wasn't. she complains about anything and everything i do, she hates my cooking but if my son heats her up a bowl it's the best thing ever, if i clean the whole house plus the room they are staying in i always miss a spot never a thank you or anything. yesterday decided i didn't want to be treated like this anymore and told her that i dont know where this hostility was coming from and if she doesn't at least try to get to know me then she can leave. she proceeded to call me the b word so i gave her 30 days to move out. my son said that was too harsh and to just deal with it, but i already have for a long time. so reddit, aita eta i found why dil has been treating me like this. my son told her that i resent her for taking my son. i dont know why he told her that but it is what it is. info: i am kicking my son out too
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my son got married super early (18) and i supported him but also expressed my grievances. anyways his wife has always hated me for anything i do. i've tried to lead a olive branch but she always rejects it. him and his wife fell on quite hard times after my son lost his job. my son has been fine living with me but his wife wasn't. she complains about anything and everything i do, she hates my cooking but if my son heats her up a bowl it's the best thing ever, if i clean the whole house plus the room they are staying in i always miss a spot never a thank you or anything. yesterday decided i didn't want to be treated like this anymore and told her that i dont know where this hostility was coming from and if she doesn't at least try to get to know me then she can leave. she proceeded to call me the b word so i gave her 30 days to move out. my son said that was too harsh and to just deal with it, but i already have for a long time. so reddit, aita eta i found why dil has been treating me like this. my son told her that i resent her for taking my son. i dont know why he told her that but it is what it is. info: i am kicking my son out too [/INST] nta. married adults acting like children. no one is entitled to your house. 30 days is generous. there is no reason why either of them cannot find work right now. </s>
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AITA for getting residence permit in another country because my husband decided I should not be getting visit visa to his country
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i’m ukrainian, my husband is american. we reside in 3rd country, in middle east because of his work. its very expensive to live here, i am doing freelance work online and i live in rental house under his name and here is many stupid rules where wife need no objection to even open bank account etc and i’m under his visa here.
because he’s usa citizen residing abroad i’m not entitled for any immigration visa to usa.
i was about to have interview to get tourist visa to usa so we can go there to see his family. we got into argument because of something he did a day prior my interview and he took away supporting documents and said i don’t deserve visit visa to usa.
i didn’t like that he used this as power play of some sort so i applied for program to canada that allows me to live and work there for 3 years, i got approved. i want to go ahead and go for it.
now my husband says i’m ah for doing it behind his back.
aita?
| 4,905 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z6c7zl/aita_for_getting_residence_permit_in_another/
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2022-11-27 20:51:21
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nta
you are thinking ahead. his powerplay of taking away your documents is a warning sign and you need to pay attention to it and continue forward.
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nta
and i would suggest while you are at it, dump the husband as well.
taking away your supporting documents in an effort to keep you from getting a visa for the usa (and him deciding you dont deserve one) is atrocious.
what will he keep next? your citizenship documents? your children? your phone? your money? your ability to leave him?
nope. huge red flags. get out while you still can!
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nta. pulling your documents so you couldn’t get your visa is a huge red flag for further abuse. come to canada! there’s a large ukrainian community here :)
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nta - what the hell was he thinking? i'm mad at you so i am pulling the support documents for you to visit as my wife. i think you need to deliver your own support documents - they are called divorce papers.
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nta
he thought that you as an easterner will be a perfect "wifey" /s
that's what i mostly heard when i was living in western europe and being from south-east europe.
take your chances 👍👍👍👍
he lost his and should keep his stupid "i'm an american and everybody want to marry one"attitude.
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nta, welcome to canada! we love ukrainians.
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nta. what he did is abusive. go to canada, get a great job and live a beautiful life, without your controlling ex husband.
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nta - you're right, he made a power play. he doesn't seem uncomfortable with making you live in a country where you're treated as a second-class citizen. break up with him and enjoy canada!
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nta and go for it.
fwiw, it is highly likely that a tourist visa yo the usa would have been denied. uscis would address you intended to come and not leave. they do that to all spouses of americans. they want to see an immigrant visa application.
you husband is being controlling. you need to make a life in a situation where you can have some financial independence.
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nta
&#x200b;
"because of something he did a day prior my interview and he took away supporting documents and said i don’t deserve visit visa to usa. " ... break up with that abusive ah. end the relationship.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m ukrainian, my husband is american. we reside in 3rd country, in middle east because of his work. its very expensive to live here, i am doing freelance work online and i live in rental house under his name and here is many stupid rules where wife need no objection to even open bank account etc and i’m under his visa here. because he’s usa citizen residing abroad i’m not entitled for any immigration visa to usa. i was about to have interview to get tourist visa to usa so we can go there to see his family. we got into argument because of something he did a day prior my interview and he took away supporting documents and said i don’t deserve visit visa to usa. i didn’t like that he used this as power play of some sort so i applied for program to canada that allows me to live and work there for 3 years, i got approved. i want to go ahead and go for it. now my husband says i’m ah for doing it behind his back. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m ukrainian, my husband is american. we reside in 3rd country, in middle east because of his work. its very expensive to live here, i am doing freelance work online and i live in rental house under his name and here is many stupid rules where wife need no objection to even open bank account etc and i’m under his visa here. because he’s usa citizen residing abroad i’m not entitled for any immigration visa to usa. i was about to have interview to get tourist visa to usa so we can go there to see his family. we got into argument because of something he did a day prior my interview and he took away supporting documents and said i don’t deserve visit visa to usa. i didn’t like that he used this as power play of some sort so i applied for program to canada that allows me to live and work there for 3 years, i got approved. i want to go ahead and go for it. now my husband says i’m ah for doing it behind his back. aita? [/INST] nta you are thinking ahead. his powerplay of taking away your documents is a warning sign and you need to pay attention to it and continue forward. </s>
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AITA for telling my sister to stop being so miserable and bitter all the time and let people have fun?
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that is a very long title but yes. i’m m 24 my sister georgia is f 22 and we have a younger sister bri is f 15.
georgia used to be hardcore into fandoms and stuff when we were younger but now she’s in her i’m edgy and an adult and this is all dumb phase. she’s constantly putting bri down for her fandom interests, saying its cringy and she’ll “regret” it. she also makes edgy social media posts and fights people in fandoms minding their business. just real existential crisis shit. it makes bri feel like crap. me and bri stay out of georgia’s way mostly we don’t get along with her. we’re all living together for covid right now so it’s more apparent rn.
bri is currently in some musical fandom and she was streaming a song or something. it wasn’t excessive and she was just having a good time with her fandom i guess. georgia took this moment to go on her “this is so cringy i’m so glad i got past that phase ugh” rants and she went on such a spiel to bri’s face that i just told her we were all sick of her being miserable n bitter constantly and to please get a hobby. it escalated into an argument and now everyone’s upset. my parents said “you should’ve handled it better because that was rude” but was it?? they never say shit to georgia when she insults everything me and bri ever do because she’s so above it all. they want me to say sorry and i’m like ?
| 645 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ieov8h/aita_for_telling_my_sister_to_stop_being_so/
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2020-08-22 19:35:06
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nta. you were defending your younger sister and letting her be a teenager for a while longer. your sister georgia is ta for trying to ruin what bri enjoys for no good reason.
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nta you were just standing up for your younger sister.
i just want to say though that your parents might be right for you to apologize. georgia talks about disliking stuff that bri is doing or likes and thats alright. it's an opinion. but you though said that she's miserable and bitter which was in some way attacking her or it could seem that way to others.
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nta
you were defending the youngest sister. this georgia sounds like she can't let people just have fun.
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nta
message to georgia: *let people enjoy things*
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nta. georgia’s “i’m an adult and too cool for this” behavior displays her immaturity. someone should have stood up to her for bri. while your words were harsh, they must have been true for your parents to respond that way.
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nta. the irony that she is saying that being in a fandom is cringy all the while she’s going through an edge phase which into self is also cringy. looks to me that you’re defending your youngest sister.
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nta. i'm an adult who is still crazy active in fandom. a lot of books and series start out as fanfic! bbc sherlock and house are both just fanfic of the original. georgia must be so bored not being allowed to consume media of any kind seeing as she thinks enjoying things is cringey
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: that is a very long title but yes. i’m m 24 my sister georgia is f 22 and we have a younger sister bri is f 15. georgia used to be hardcore into fandoms and stuff when we were younger but now she’s in her i’m edgy and an adult and this is all dumb phase. she’s constantly putting bri down for her fandom interests, saying its cringy and she’ll “regret” it. she also makes edgy social media posts and fights people in fandoms minding their business. just real existential crisis shit. it makes bri feel like crap. me and bri stay out of georgia’s way mostly we don’t get along with her. we’re all living together for covid right now so it’s more apparent rn. bri is currently in some musical fandom and she was streaming a song or something. it wasn’t excessive and she was just having a good time with her fandom i guess. georgia took this moment to go on her “this is so cringy i’m so glad i got past that phase ugh” rants and she went on such a spiel to bri’s face that i just told her we were all sick of her being miserable n bitter constantly and to please get a hobby. it escalated into an argument and now everyone’s upset. my parents said “you should’ve handled it better because that was rude” but was it?? they never say shit to georgia when she insults everything me and bri ever do because she’s so above it all. they want me to say sorry and i’m like ?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
that is a very long title but yes. i’m m 24 my sister georgia is f 22 and we have a younger sister bri is f 15. georgia used to be hardcore into fandoms and stuff when we were younger but now she’s in her i’m edgy and an adult and this is all dumb phase. she’s constantly putting bri down for her fandom interests, saying its cringy and she’ll “regret” it. she also makes edgy social media posts and fights people in fandoms minding their business. just real existential crisis shit. it makes bri feel like crap. me and bri stay out of georgia’s way mostly we don’t get along with her. we’re all living together for covid right now so it’s more apparent rn. bri is currently in some musical fandom and she was streaming a song or something. it wasn’t excessive and she was just having a good time with her fandom i guess. georgia took this moment to go on her “this is so cringy i’m so glad i got past that phase ugh” rants and she went on such a spiel to bri’s face that i just told her we were all sick of her being miserable n bitter constantly and to please get a hobby. it escalated into an argument and now everyone’s upset. my parents said “you should’ve handled it better because that was rude” but was it?? they never say shit to georgia when she insults everything me and bri ever do because she’s so above it all. they want me to say sorry and i’m like ? [/INST] nta. you were defending your younger sister and letting her be a teenager for a while longer. your sister georgia is ta for trying to ruin what bri enjoys for no good reason. </s>
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AITA for not washing my butt with soap every time I poop?
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throwaway for obvious reasons. appropriate subreddit name...
my partner is a very clean person. as a reflection of that i now shower every day and wash my junk with water and sometimes soap on top of showering daily with soap and water.
i don't like to use soap too often as it's very drying on the sensitive areas and i have sensitive skin too.
after visiting the bathroom briefly before coming to bed my partner questioned. have i washed my butt? yes. with soap? well no, not this time but i did the time before.
apparently it's disgusting and disrespectful of me to sleep in our bed naked after only washing and scrubbing my butt with water after taking a tiny poop? and if i wash my hands with soap in that situation then i should also wash my butt with soap?
my butt is very clean. i just don't want it to get all dry and itchy from the soap.
said partner ranted and fought with me for 10+ minutes over this rule that i didn't know existed. partner stormed off over it and is now sleeping on the sofa.
partner has a long and busy day at work tomorrow and ignored me telling them not to lose sleep over something so ridiculous and to stop overreacting and behaving like a fucking child.
aita?
| 233 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k1q4di/aita_for_not_washing_my_butt_with_soap_every_time/
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2020-11-26 23:45:07
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nta. i personally find this super odd, as here in the uk we don’t even have bidets, we just use toilet roll.
could a compromise be that you use baby wipes? this will be better for your sensitive skin but also do an extra good job at cleaning you up.
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i don't think i've ever read something as odd as this, but nonetheless, nta.
your skin gets dry when you use soap and you find that discomforting. you... cleaned yourself that day anyway, and it isn't like there's shit everywhere on your ass. um. maybe wear loose underwear when this happens? i don't sleep naked but i know some people do because it's a sensory overload and constricting, but in my honest opinion, you sound like you take good care of your hygiene, so it really shouldn't be such a big issue if you don't use soap every now and then?
i hope this situation gets cleared up soon. best of luck to you!
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nta
this is like... extremely bizarre, i live in a latino country and we only use toilet paper, how the hell are you supposed to wash you butt with water and soap? do you just scrub your ass with the whole soap bar? that sounds disgusting, and just something that will waste your time if you did it.
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nta. this is bizarre. i can't imagine how vanilla your sex life must be.
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nta- your partner sounds insane
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info: how are you supposed to clean your butt every time? in the shower? just soap your hands and run them in there?
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nta, ubless she gives you a rimjob all the time
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nta
that is just... bizarre. i get washing daily, but every single time you have a bowel movement? ummm... no. just no. wiping and making sure you're clean is sufficient enough. use wet wipes, even.
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nta - i find this so bizarre, there’s a reason we don’t have bidets in the uk and it’s because they really are not that necessary. on a serious note is it possible your partner needs to seek help for this level of obsession over poop germs? could you compromise by using baby wipes? far more convenient and kinder to the skin!
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info: does your spouse have mental health problems? this would not be surprising for certain types of ocd.
obviously nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway for obvious reasons. appropriate subreddit name... my partner is a very clean person. as a reflection of that i now shower every day and wash my junk with water and sometimes soap on top of showering daily with soap and water. i don't like to use soap too often as it's very drying on the sensitive areas and i have sensitive skin too. after visiting the bathroom briefly before coming to bed my partner questioned. have i washed my butt? yes. with soap? well no, not this time but i did the time before. apparently it's disgusting and disrespectful of me to sleep in our bed naked after only washing and scrubbing my butt with water after taking a tiny poop? and if i wash my hands with soap in that situation then i should also wash my butt with soap? my butt is very clean. i just don't want it to get all dry and itchy from the soap. said partner ranted and fought with me for 10+ minutes over this rule that i didn't know existed. partner stormed off over it and is now sleeping on the sofa. partner has a long and busy day at work tomorrow and ignored me telling them not to lose sleep over something so ridiculous and to stop overreacting and behaving like a fucking child. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway for obvious reasons. appropriate subreddit name... my partner is a very clean person. as a reflection of that i now shower every day and wash my junk with water and sometimes soap on top of showering daily with soap and water. i don't like to use soap too often as it's very drying on the sensitive areas and i have sensitive skin too. after visiting the bathroom briefly before coming to bed my partner questioned. have i washed my butt? yes. with soap? well no, not this time but i did the time before. apparently it's disgusting and disrespectful of me to sleep in our bed naked after only washing and scrubbing my butt with water after taking a tiny poop? and if i wash my hands with soap in that situation then i should also wash my butt with soap? my butt is very clean. i just don't want it to get all dry and itchy from the soap. said partner ranted and fought with me for 10+ minutes over this rule that i didn't know existed. partner stormed off over it and is now sleeping on the sofa. partner has a long and busy day at work tomorrow and ignored me telling them not to lose sleep over something so ridiculous and to stop overreacting and behaving like a fucking child. aita? [/INST] nta. i personally find this super odd, as here in the uk we don’t even have bidets, we just use toilet roll. could a compromise be that you use baby wipes? this will be better for your sensitive skin but also do an extra good job at cleaning you up. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to visit SIL when their kid has hand foot and mouth disease?
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so we made plans with my fiance's sister to visit today (made on friday). yesterday we find out that friday night their youngest developed symptoms consistent with hand foot and mouth disease. today, she calls and tells us that the kids symptoms are gone except for the rash therefore it is "safe" to come out.
now context, my fiance and i do not have small kids but i work with a lot of coworkers who do have littles. am i the asshole and being unreasonable for not wanting to go out to visit a little (3 year old!!!) who is still going to be infectious? there is definitely some guilt trip happening because we haven't been out to visit for a bit (it's 1+ hour away) and they are "busy until september". i was actually really excited to go out and visit and play in the pool with them but i just don't want to be around a viral infection even if i am likely to not get sick from it ...
| 162 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/woaayv/aita_for_not_wanting_to_visit_sil_when_their_kid/
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2022-08-14 16:25:06
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nta and hfm absolutely can make adults sick. my husband got it from our kids and was covered in rashes and all of us had cold symptoms in my house.
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nta
it's common sense to avoid sick people - let it be an adult or a child.
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nta
i too would lean on the safe side and avoid to visit. even if it's just a cold, why should i be infected?
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nta a quick google search shows that people infected with hand foot and mouth disease can sometimes still spread the disease for weeks after all symptoms, including the rashes, have faded. additionally some people, especially adults, will spread the disease without showing any symptoms themselves. you are right to be concerned about getting infected, and possibly getting your coworkers children infected.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so we made plans with my fiance's sister to visit today (made on friday). yesterday we find out that friday night their youngest developed symptoms consistent with hand foot and mouth disease. today, she calls and tells us that the kids symptoms are gone except for the rash therefore it is "safe" to come out. now context, my fiance and i do not have small kids but i work with a lot of coworkers who do have littles. am i the asshole and being unreasonable for not wanting to go out to visit a little (3 year old!!!) who is still going to be infectious? there is definitely some guilt trip happening because we haven't been out to visit for a bit (it's 1+ hour away) and they are "busy until september". i was actually really excited to go out and visit and play in the pool with them but i just don't want to be around a viral infection even if i am likely to not get sick from it ...
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so we made plans with my fiance's sister to visit today (made on friday). yesterday we find out that friday night their youngest developed symptoms consistent with hand foot and mouth disease. today, she calls and tells us that the kids symptoms are gone except for the rash therefore it is "safe" to come out. now context, my fiance and i do not have small kids but i work with a lot of coworkers who do have littles. am i the asshole and being unreasonable for not wanting to go out to visit a little (3 year old!!!) who is still going to be infectious? there is definitely some guilt trip happening because we haven't been out to visit for a bit (it's 1+ hour away) and they are "busy until september". i was actually really excited to go out and visit and play in the pool with them but i just don't want to be around a viral infection even if i am likely to not get sick from it ... [/INST] nta and hfm absolutely can make adults sick. my husband got it from our kids and was covered in rashes and all of us had cold symptoms in my house. </s>
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AITA for eating my girlfriend’s ice cream?
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so my girlfriend has a horrible habit of eating my food even when we order the same thing she feels like she has to take a bit of mine because “it just tastes better”. she calls it “the girlfriend tax” and thinks it’s all one big joke but it pisses me off. whenever i try not to let her do that she gets all sad so of course i cave and let her have some. so near where we live there’s an ice cream shop that’s famous in our city for being real good. maybe like a ~15 minute walk away from our apartment. last week i wanted to go get some and she declined and i asked her one more time before i left and she declined again. when i came back with my ice cream i asked her to hold my cone for me while i took my jacket off and she took a big bite out of it (yes with teeth. yes i am as surprised as you are reddit).
that event obviously pissed me off and i didn’t forget about it. today i was going for some more ice cream. she said she doesn’t want any but i bought her some regardless because this happens every time, when i get food i ask her if she wants anything, she says no, then takes a big bite out of my food. i’m not gonna let this shit happen again. when i got back she got mad at me for not respecting her wishes and said she doesn’t want the ice cream cone. whatever, i put the ice cream cone in the freezer and saved it for later. i had it a couple hours ago &amp;amp; she just asked what happened to the ice cream i got for her and i said i ate it because you said you don’t want it. she got mad at me all over again for finishing her food and, i admit i may be the ah here, i laughed and told her not to be ridiculous, i heard with my own ears that she didn’t want it. what did she want me to do, throw it away? now she’s really mad at me lol i guess i’m sleeping on the couch tonight
| 1,085 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gfnv6g/aita_for_eating_my_girlfriends_ice_cream/
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2020-05-08 06:32:25
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nta.
you’re gf sounds like a child
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joey doesn’t share food
seriously though your girlfriend sounds insufferable. nta
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my boyfriend and i share each other’s food. but if he says that he wants his all to himself or i want mine all to myself, then we accept it and don’t even ask for a bite or anything. nta all the way, she had her chance and said she didn’t want it so it would’ve been wasted
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nta
your girlfriends behaviour around food in your relationship sounds controlling and disrespectful to you.
she has no reason for all these instances of getting mad at you, that you describe.
it sounds like she's playing a weird mind game with you.
i hope you enjoyed the ice cream.
info why are you with this woman?
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nta.
she bit the ice cream??
run
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'not respecting her wishes'... what a dramatic way of her putting the instance of you buying her an ice cream she didn't want. 🤦 nta
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nta. i never understood why people say they don't want food when they do.
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nta
i don’t even feel the need to explain how much you are not the asshole here.
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nta. she sounds exhausting.
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next time claim 'boyfriend tax' and take food off her plate. if she gets pissed tell her thats exactly how you feelnevery time she does it. for me it would be a deal breaker if it continued after i said to stop it.nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my girlfriend has a horrible habit of eating my food even when we order the same thing she feels like she has to take a bit of mine because “it just tastes better”. she calls it “the girlfriend tax” and thinks it’s all one big joke but it pisses me off. whenever i try not to let her do that she gets all sad so of course i cave and let her have some. so near where we live there’s an ice cream shop that’s famous in our city for being real good. maybe like a ~15 minute walk away from our apartment. last week i wanted to go get some and she declined and i asked her one more time before i left and she declined again. when i came back with my ice cream i asked her to hold my cone for me while i took my jacket off and she took a big bite out of it (yes with teeth. yes i am as surprised as you are reddit). that event obviously pissed me off and i didn’t forget about it. today i was going for some more ice cream. she said she doesn’t want any but i bought her some regardless because this happens every time, when i get food i ask her if she wants anything, she says no, then takes a big bite out of my food. i’m not gonna let this shit happen again. when i got back she got mad at me for not respecting her wishes and said she doesn’t want the ice cream cone. whatever, i put the ice cream cone in the freezer and saved it for later. i had it a couple hours ago &amp;amp; she just asked what happened to the ice cream i got for her and i said i ate it because you said you don’t want it. she got mad at me all over again for finishing her food and, i admit i may be the ah here, i laughed and told her not to be ridiculous, i heard with my own ears that she didn’t want it. what did she want me to do, throw it away? now she’s really mad at me lol i guess i’m sleeping on the couch tonight
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my girlfriend has a horrible habit of eating my food even when we order the same thing she feels like she has to take a bit of mine because “it just tastes better”. she calls it “the girlfriend tax” and thinks it’s all one big joke but it pisses me off. whenever i try not to let her do that she gets all sad so of course i cave and let her have some. so near where we live there’s an ice cream shop that’s famous in our city for being real good. maybe like a ~15 minute walk away from our apartment. last week i wanted to go get some and she declined and i asked her one more time before i left and she declined again. when i came back with my ice cream i asked her to hold my cone for me while i took my jacket off and she took a big bite out of it (yes with teeth. yes i am as surprised as you are reddit). that event obviously pissed me off and i didn’t forget about it. today i was going for some more ice cream. she said she doesn’t want any but i bought her some regardless because this happens every time, when i get food i ask her if she wants anything, she says no, then takes a big bite out of my food. i’m not gonna let this shit happen again. when i got back she got mad at me for not respecting her wishes and said she doesn’t want the ice cream cone. whatever, i put the ice cream cone in the freezer and saved it for later. i had it a couple hours ago &amp;amp; she just asked what happened to the ice cream i got for her and i said i ate it because you said you don’t want it. she got mad at me all over again for finishing her food and, i admit i may be the ah here, i laughed and told her not to be ridiculous, i heard with my own ears that she didn’t want it. what did she want me to do, throw it away? now she’s really mad at me lol i guess i’m sleeping on the couch tonight [/INST] nta. you’re gf sounds like a child </s>
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AITA for yelling at a grieving mother?
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i don't even know where to begin. i have a 2 year old daughter, let's call her annie. today annie and i were walking through walmart, doing our grocery shopping. we were having a great time, talking and playing in the produce section when a woman (probably in her mid 30's if that matters) came up and started smiling at annie. not a big deal, people smile at her all the time and she smiles back. this time she waved, the woman said she's adorable and i said thank you and gave her a smile. she lingered for a bit and then walked off and annie and i continued on. a few minutes later we see her again in a different isle and she just keeps staring at annie. then she walked up to us and explained to me that about a year ago, she had lost a daughter who was about annie's age and the two look very much alike. i gave her my sympathies and we talked about her daughter and she ended up asking if it would be okay to give annie a hug. i didn't really know how to respond and i felt for the woman, so i told her "if she's ok with it, sure". so she smiles at annie again and goes in to hug her and annie was uncomfortable right away, and started squirming. she then said "no" very clearly and wiggled her finger at the woman. (like, the "no-no" index finger motion) i asked the woman to back off, as annie was very clearly not liking this, but she didn't right away and kissed her cheek instead. at this point, annie is screaming "mommy! mommy!" so i snatched her from the woman's arms and put annie back in the cart. she then told me that i was being "unnecessarily cold to a grieving mother" and pushed me out of her way as she went to walk away. at that point something in me just snapped and i yelled "we were just trying to get groceries and you came up to us. you asked to hold my child and she didn't like it. a child that you don't even know doesn't want to be held by you and prefers her mother? what a shock! such a surprise! bye."
a bystander told me that i was being a bitch and should have just had my daughter deal with it to make the woman feel better. maybe i could have handled it better, but i don't think that my daughter should have to put up with anything just to make somebody feel better. am i the asshole/bitch here?
| 1,597 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bxjghg/aita_for_yelling_at_a_grieving_mother/
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2019-06-06 17:29:45
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nta. you were kind to even entertain her request. good on you for respecting your daughter’s boundaries/autonomy.
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watch out , this a tactic used to kidnap kids.
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nta wtf your 2yo doesn't have to feel uncomfortable because of some rando grieving. sucks for her but why is it annie's issue yknow.
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yta but not at all for the reason you think. you should have never put your daughter in that position with a stranger to begin with; it's frankly absurd to expect a two year old to be mature enough to decide if she wants to hug this stranger. you're her parent, it's your job to recognize this bad situation and put a stop to it. at best, you're forcing her to either be uncomfortable with a stranger or to somehow possess the capacity at 2 years old to tell an adult stranger "no". at worst, you're exposing to a potential kidnapper or somebody who gets off on having that kind of power over strange children.
i don't think you're a horrible parent or anything, but let it be a lesson learned. your daughter comes first, second and third.
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nta at all, that shit is not your problem. protect your baby
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nta. your daughter's a person, not a prop for this woman's counseling.
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nta because you need to teach your daughter that no means no
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nta. the world is full of crazy people. you allowed her to hug your child only if your child agreed. crazy lady ignored your daughters boundaries and kissed her as well.
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nta and i think you were conned. if this woman truly experienced what you say, her demeanor would have been different and not arrogant. i think she told you a sob story to get whatever gratification she wanted. avoid this nut and don't listen to any more sob stories. some people can be manipulative, creepy assholes. i think you just met one.
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you know, i met a woman -- a fully grown adult -- who looked a lot like a friend of mine who died in traumatic circumstances. my reaction was a little intense, but she took it very well, and after we'd talked for a few minutes and she was about to leave, i asked if i could hug her. if she had paused even in the *slightest* i would have backed off so hard i would have gotten whiplash. for two reasons: this woman was not my friend. she does not deserve to have to pay in discomfort for my pain. i'd already dumped a good deal of it onto her with very little warning and i knew that even by doing that i'd risked making someone uninvolved very uncomfortable. and secondly because in that moment, i won't lie, i was trying to hug my friend one more time. and if i'd got an awkward, stiff hug of a stranger uncomfortably trying to do the right thing/get through an awkward situation, it would have *broken my heart*. that woman ignored the comfort of your daughter, a child unrelated to the situation, for her own gratification. and although i can understand the compulsion to hug the lookalikes when they come along (see: my own slightly inappropriate behavior), i really don't understand how she could even be comfortable hugging someone giving off all the body language of a stranger uncomfortable with the situation. maybe i'm being unfair -- my friend was an adult and not my child, so i can't know how i'd react in that situation, but i think that woman was inappropriate on a number of fronts. nta.
(also for the record, my friend's doppelgänger gave me the biggest, warmest hug, and then another one when i teared up. in truth, a much warmer hug than my friend actually ever gave, because she was a bit of an awkward bird made mostly of angles. so it wasn't like hugging my friend again after all, but it still did help. thank you friend's doppelgänger, for being such a good sport about it! i hope you don't run into any more of us.)
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i don't even know where to begin. i have a 2 year old daughter, let's call her annie. today annie and i were walking through walmart, doing our grocery shopping. we were having a great time, talking and playing in the produce section when a woman (probably in her mid 30's if that matters) came up and started smiling at annie. not a big deal, people smile at her all the time and she smiles back. this time she waved, the woman said she's adorable and i said thank you and gave her a smile. she lingered for a bit and then walked off and annie and i continued on. a few minutes later we see her again in a different isle and she just keeps staring at annie. then she walked up to us and explained to me that about a year ago, she had lost a daughter who was about annie's age and the two look very much alike. i gave her my sympathies and we talked about her daughter and she ended up asking if it would be okay to give annie a hug. i didn't really know how to respond and i felt for the woman, so i told her "if she's ok with it, sure". so she smiles at annie again and goes in to hug her and annie was uncomfortable right away, and started squirming. she then said "no" very clearly and wiggled her finger at the woman. (like, the "no-no" index finger motion) i asked the woman to back off, as annie was very clearly not liking this, but she didn't right away and kissed her cheek instead. at this point, annie is screaming "mommy! mommy!" so i snatched her from the woman's arms and put annie back in the cart. she then told me that i was being "unnecessarily cold to a grieving mother" and pushed me out of her way as she went to walk away. at that point something in me just snapped and i yelled "we were just trying to get groceries and you came up to us. you asked to hold my child and she didn't like it. a child that you don't even know doesn't want to be held by you and prefers her mother? what a shock! such a surprise! bye." a bystander told me that i was being a bitch and should have just had my daughter deal with it to make the woman feel better. maybe i could have handled it better, but i don't think that my daughter should have to put up with anything just to make somebody feel better. am i the asshole/bitch here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i don't even know where to begin. i have a 2 year old daughter, let's call her annie. today annie and i were walking through walmart, doing our grocery shopping. we were having a great time, talking and playing in the produce section when a woman (probably in her mid 30's if that matters) came up and started smiling at annie. not a big deal, people smile at her all the time and she smiles back. this time she waved, the woman said she's adorable and i said thank you and gave her a smile. she lingered for a bit and then walked off and annie and i continued on. a few minutes later we see her again in a different isle and she just keeps staring at annie. then she walked up to us and explained to me that about a year ago, she had lost a daughter who was about annie's age and the two look very much alike. i gave her my sympathies and we talked about her daughter and she ended up asking if it would be okay to give annie a hug. i didn't really know how to respond and i felt for the woman, so i told her "if she's ok with it, sure". so she smiles at annie again and goes in to hug her and annie was uncomfortable right away, and started squirming. she then said "no" very clearly and wiggled her finger at the woman. (like, the "no-no" index finger motion) i asked the woman to back off, as annie was very clearly not liking this, but she didn't right away and kissed her cheek instead. at this point, annie is screaming "mommy! mommy!" so i snatched her from the woman's arms and put annie back in the cart. she then told me that i was being "unnecessarily cold to a grieving mother" and pushed me out of her way as she went to walk away. at that point something in me just snapped and i yelled "we were just trying to get groceries and you came up to us. you asked to hold my child and she didn't like it. a child that you don't even know doesn't want to be held by you and prefers her mother? what a shock! such a surprise! bye." a bystander told me that i was being a bitch and should have just had my daughter deal with it to make the woman feel better. maybe i could have handled it better, but i don't think that my daughter should have to put up with anything just to make somebody feel better. am i the asshole/bitch here? [/INST] nta. you were kind to even entertain her request. good on you for respecting your daughter’s boundaries/autonomy. </s>
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AITA for not asking people to give up their seat up for a woman with 2 kids?
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hi guys,
i'm a busdriver in the netherlands, and i had a bit of an argument with one of my passengers yesterday. this was the situation.
i was driving my bus during rush-hour, and my take off point is at one of the busiest bus/train stations in the country. during this time the bus is always crowded, and i try to take as many people as i safely can. we have rules in place for how many people can be seated in the bus and how many can stand during the drives.
when i arrived at the first stop, there were a lot of people waiting to get on so i knew i wouldn't be able to take everyone. at that point, it's first come first serve. people started crowding in and soon all the seats were taken, and there was very little room left to stand as well.
in comes a lady with two kids and immediately starts scanning their tickets to pay the fare. when she scanned the first one i started telling her that the bus was nearly full, and i couldn't let her kids stand in the path due to safety rules. her kids were around 8 years old i think. she asked me if i could please use my intercom to ask if people were willing to give up their seats for her kids so they could go home. i told her something along the lines of "i'm sorry, but i can't ask people to do that. it's busy and these people have a right to a seat as well. please take the next bus, it'll be here in ten minutes and make sure you stand at the right place to get in first." she asked me the same thing a few times more, but my answer remained the same and i asked her again to please exit the bus so i could go.
she then proceeded to scan the kids' tickets and moved into the bus while telling me i was being unreasonable and rude by not asking people to move and asking her to get out. i asked her again to leave, but she refused time and time again, stating that the kids would hold on and would be safe and that i was basically being a dick. this went on for about 5 minutes, and i had to call my supervisor who said that i was right, but should go anyway to not delay further. they would make note of it that if she would put in a complaint that they have my back.
so i started my route, and during the ride the woman started apologizing to other passengers for the delay and that it was all my fault and she did nothing wrong and would put in a complaint with the bus company. eventually a few people got up and let them sit, so safety wasn't my concern anymore at least.
so reddit, aita for not asking other people to leave their seats, while she could've waited 10 minutes for the next bus? i got the feeling she was starting to get some people on her side as well, but i was just following the safety regulations so i don't think i did anything wrong.
| 675 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dq6272/aita_for_not_asking_people_to_give_up_their_seat/
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2019-11-01 15:50:24
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nta. this might get some backlash but you’re just doing your job. health and safety regulations are there for a reason. everyone thinks it’s never going to happen to them till it does.
she was being unreasonable for asking others to do so, everyone has a right. because she is a mother it doesn’t mean she has more right.
for me, the thing was that it was against health and safety regulations. you had to enforce that.
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nta, r/entitledparents anyone lol
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nta, you made it clear what the rules were and yet she chose to be rude and ignore you! i bet the job can be challenging, good on you.
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nta -- you're in charge of the bus and need to follow regulations; you're not a party host.
i got on a bus in my city a bit back (all buses have ramps that will descend for wheelchair passengers, but they're only in the front), that had pulled to the stop at the only place available due to people illegally parking, by a hydrant and somewhat away from the curb. a wheelchair user came up to board, and the driver said sorry, the ramp couldn't go down where it was and would be blocked by the hydrant. by then a car had moved, so the person said to back up. she said she couldn't do that, was sorry, he'd have to wait for the next bus. he kept berating her.
half the damn bus full of people, many of whom could not hear the conversation in the front, started yelling at her for not letting the passenger on, and he was irate she wouldn't back up. she had to call a supervisor and kept trying to explain that she was not allowed to back up a city bus except for in very specific circumstance and yada. people just kept yelling at her for not letting someone in a wheelchair on.
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why do people think having kids entitles them to preferential treatment?
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nta.
entitled people always try to deflect blame. you were trying to keep her kids safe. she sounds awful.
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info: do you guys have priority seating? idk how it works in netherlands but across canada usually the elderly, disabled, kids, pregnant women are given priority for seating.
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ok so it seems i’m the only one who feels this way, but yta.
she (and her kids) have as much of a right to use the bus as anyone else ... if you won’t let them stand due to safety reasons, then at least try your best to let them get where they are going.
i find it extremely likely that someone would be willing to give up their seat (i know i would 90% of the time), and then everyone else ends up better. if elderly/disabled people get priority seating because it isn’t safe/possible for them to stand, these children should as well.
have some empathy
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nta, ze kon het ook zelf aan mensen vragen. je was alleen de regels aan het uitleggen. dat zij dat persoonlijk opvat en gelijk passief agressieve opmerkingen over jou gaat maken naar andere random passagiers zegt veel meer over haar karakter dan over die van jou. don’t worry, je chef was het ook met je eens 👍🏼
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if i was on that bus and heard you announce, "is anyone willing to give up their seat to a mom and 2 kids?" i would get up. so i go nah, you did well to follow the safety regulation, but unless you have a specific rule forbidding you to ask people to get up, her request wasn't out of line. her behavior after ward makes me lean n-t-a but i'm judging the initial request.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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INFO
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YTA
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.099413 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi guys, i'm a busdriver in the netherlands, and i had a bit of an argument with one of my passengers yesterday. this was the situation. i was driving my bus during rush-hour, and my take off point is at one of the busiest bus/train stations in the country. during this time the bus is always crowded, and i try to take as many people as i safely can. we have rules in place for how many people can be seated in the bus and how many can stand during the drives. when i arrived at the first stop, there were a lot of people waiting to get on so i knew i wouldn't be able to take everyone. at that point, it's first come first serve. people started crowding in and soon all the seats were taken, and there was very little room left to stand as well. in comes a lady with two kids and immediately starts scanning their tickets to pay the fare. when she scanned the first one i started telling her that the bus was nearly full, and i couldn't let her kids stand in the path due to safety rules. her kids were around 8 years old i think. she asked me if i could please use my intercom to ask if people were willing to give up their seats for her kids so they could go home. i told her something along the lines of "i'm sorry, but i can't ask people to do that. it's busy and these people have a right to a seat as well. please take the next bus, it'll be here in ten minutes and make sure you stand at the right place to get in first." she asked me the same thing a few times more, but my answer remained the same and i asked her again to please exit the bus so i could go. she then proceeded to scan the kids' tickets and moved into the bus while telling me i was being unreasonable and rude by not asking people to move and asking her to get out. i asked her again to leave, but she refused time and time again, stating that the kids would hold on and would be safe and that i was basically being a dick. this went on for about 5 minutes, and i had to call my supervisor who said that i was right, but should go anyway to not delay further. they would make note of it that if she would put in a complaint that they have my back. so i started my route, and during the ride the woman started apologizing to other passengers for the delay and that it was all my fault and she did nothing wrong and would put in a complaint with the bus company. eventually a few people got up and let them sit, so safety wasn't my concern anymore at least. so reddit, aita for not asking other people to leave their seats, while she could've waited 10 minutes for the next bus? i got the feeling she was starting to get some people on her side as well, but i was just following the safety regulations so i don't think i did anything wrong.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi guys, i'm a busdriver in the netherlands, and i had a bit of an argument with one of my passengers yesterday. this was the situation. i was driving my bus during rush-hour, and my take off point is at one of the busiest bus/train stations in the country. during this time the bus is always crowded, and i try to take as many people as i safely can. we have rules in place for how many people can be seated in the bus and how many can stand during the drives. when i arrived at the first stop, there were a lot of people waiting to get on so i knew i wouldn't be able to take everyone. at that point, it's first come first serve. people started crowding in and soon all the seats were taken, and there was very little room left to stand as well. in comes a lady with two kids and immediately starts scanning their tickets to pay the fare. when she scanned the first one i started telling her that the bus was nearly full, and i couldn't let her kids stand in the path due to safety rules. her kids were around 8 years old i think. she asked me if i could please use my intercom to ask if people were willing to give up their seats for her kids so they could go home. i told her something along the lines of "i'm sorry, but i can't ask people to do that. it's busy and these people have a right to a seat as well. please take the next bus, it'll be here in ten minutes and make sure you stand at the right place to get in first." she asked me the same thing a few times more, but my answer remained the same and i asked her again to please exit the bus so i could go. she then proceeded to scan the kids' tickets and moved into the bus while telling me i was being unreasonable and rude by not asking people to move and asking her to get out. i asked her again to leave, but she refused time and time again, stating that the kids would hold on and would be safe and that i was basically being a dick. this went on for about 5 minutes, and i had to call my supervisor who said that i was right, but should go anyway to not delay further. they would make note of it that if she would put in a complaint that they have my back. so i started my route, and during the ride the woman started apologizing to other passengers for the delay and that it was all my fault and she did nothing wrong and would put in a complaint with the bus company. eventually a few people got up and let them sit, so safety wasn't my concern anymore at least. so reddit, aita for not asking other people to leave their seats, while she could've waited 10 minutes for the next bus? i got the feeling she was starting to get some people on her side as well, but i was just following the safety regulations so i don't think i did anything wrong. [/INST] nta. this might get some backlash but you’re just doing your job. health and safety regulations are there for a reason. everyone thinks it’s never going to happen to them till it does. she was being unreasonable for asking others to do so, everyone has a right. because she is a mother it doesn’t mean she has more right. for me, the thing was that it was against health and safety regulations. you had to enforce that. </s>
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AITA for benching a 7 year old in soccer.
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i coach a youth soccer team (ages 7-8) and have a player who is below average but was on my team last year and has now come over to my team again this year. well he has missed the last five practices (the practice he came to before that he only practiced half the practice before asking to sit with his mom) and the game last week which was our only game so far this season prior to today. so i was a little surprised to see him arrive today for the game to say the least. i have 10 players and can only put 5 on the field at a time (4 players 1 keeper) the team we played today was very good so i mostly played our best guys but everyone got roughly equal time except for him. i only played him about 3 mins and during that time he was completely lost and constantly out of position. well the final whistle blows and as i expected here comes mom from across the field, she didn't complain or yell but she did want him to play and accused me of "punishing her son" for not coming to practice to which i responded it would be punishing to another player to play your son instead of him, but it is a youth league and the main goal is to get better and of course parents pay so they want to see their kids play and she said dad has to take off saturdays to come watch so he was very frustrated that he didnt. i've felt really conflicted about this since so am i the asshole?
| 474 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t7ikj9/aita_for_benching_a_7_year_old_in_soccer/
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2022-03-05 20:51:49
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nta. just keep in mind that this is not his fault. his parents control his schedule, so if he's missing practices/late/untrained, it's their fault. let him play as much as you can.
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info - were expectations set with players and parents beforehand?
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nta. when mom said you were punishing her son for missing practice you should have said, “i absolutely am. actions have consequences.” if he had been consistently coming to practice i would have a different answer bc they are 7. but man, you gotta put in the work to have the rewards.
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no practice = no game time. i understood that as a kid.
if mom wants the kid to play, mom can get the kid to practice. end of story.
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~~y-t-a.~~ not for benching the kid. but you're the asshole for not reaching out to the parents after the kid missed so many practices. figure out what's going on; try to get good playing time for the kid regardless.
edit to change vote to nta based on op's reply here.
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nta i saw this a lot when our son was in little league and youth football. there was always at least one kid on the team who rarely made it to practice so they didn't know what to do. then, on game day, their parents complained to the coach because their kid either didn't get much playing time or had none at all. coach always reminded them about what he told everyone at the parents meeting at the beginning of the season. that practice was more important than game day and if the kid doesn't show up for practice, they won't be spending much time on the field.
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nta. the mom is. what lesson on commitment and teamwork is her child going to learn if she never makes it a priority to get him to practice?
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at that age, i'd be pissed you're not rolling lines no matter how good the other team is.
it's one thing to hold players accountable for missing practice. but unless this is a high skill travel team with real tryouts and cuts, you are a major asshole and a horrible coach for not giving even playing time.
what big trophy you going for with 7 and 8 year olds there coach? get a grip dude. there's probably real reasons why you aren't coaching higher up. christ, you're not even coaching high school ages!
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you should really talk to the kid. there might be something that makes them avoid practice. insecurities, parents, bullies or something totally different. talk to them to make sure they are ok.
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nta have you had a chance to talk to the kid and explain how it's not his fault, etc? you made the right call, but they're so young he could internalize this if not handled right.
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| null |
YTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
| 0.133794 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i coach a youth soccer team (ages 7-8) and have a player who is below average but was on my team last year and has now come over to my team again this year. well he has missed the last five practices (the practice he came to before that he only practiced half the practice before asking to sit with his mom) and the game last week which was our only game so far this season prior to today. so i was a little surprised to see him arrive today for the game to say the least. i have 10 players and can only put 5 on the field at a time (4 players 1 keeper) the team we played today was very good so i mostly played our best guys but everyone got roughly equal time except for him. i only played him about 3 mins and during that time he was completely lost and constantly out of position. well the final whistle blows and as i expected here comes mom from across the field, she didn't complain or yell but she did want him to play and accused me of "punishing her son" for not coming to practice to which i responded it would be punishing to another player to play your son instead of him, but it is a youth league and the main goal is to get better and of course parents pay so they want to see their kids play and she said dad has to take off saturdays to come watch so he was very frustrated that he didnt. i've felt really conflicted about this since so am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i coach a youth soccer team (ages 7-8) and have a player who is below average but was on my team last year and has now come over to my team again this year. well he has missed the last five practices (the practice he came to before that he only practiced half the practice before asking to sit with his mom) and the game last week which was our only game so far this season prior to today. so i was a little surprised to see him arrive today for the game to say the least. i have 10 players and can only put 5 on the field at a time (4 players 1 keeper) the team we played today was very good so i mostly played our best guys but everyone got roughly equal time except for him. i only played him about 3 mins and during that time he was completely lost and constantly out of position. well the final whistle blows and as i expected here comes mom from across the field, she didn't complain or yell but she did want him to play and accused me of "punishing her son" for not coming to practice to which i responded it would be punishing to another player to play your son instead of him, but it is a youth league and the main goal is to get better and of course parents pay so they want to see their kids play and she said dad has to take off saturdays to come watch so he was very frustrated that he didnt. i've felt really conflicted about this since so am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. just keep in mind that this is not his fault. his parents control his schedule, so if he's missing practices/late/untrained, it's their fault. let him play as much as you can. </s>
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AITA for selling my late husband's restaurant against his wishes?
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i was married to my husband for 13 years, we got married at 19 and my husband passed away a few months ago. we didn't have children together.
i have a high paying job as an attorney and i'm currently moving to another state to start my own firm.
my husband passed away 4 months ago. it wasn't a pretty end to our marriage as i had just found out that he was cheating on me with one of the waitresses working for his restaurant. they had been having an affair which went on for 3 years. he told me he didn't love me anymore and left to be with her. he passed away due to a sudden cardiac arrest after 2 weeks of leaving our marital home. we weren't legally separated. it wasn't official.
as his wife, i inherited everything, including the restaurant as he started the restaurant after we got married. my parents helped him financially and i supported him after i got my first job.
after finding out about his infidelity, i had no interest in keeping the restaurant. it was doing really well, but i needed a fresh start.
my husband was emotionally attached to his restaurant and wanted his kids to take over after he died. he wanted it to be a family enterprise.
i didn't want any part of that. i made the decision to move to another state for better prospects, and decided to sell the restaurant.
2 days before i made my final move to sell it, his mistress showed up to my home begging me to not sell the restaurant because she was pregnant. she wanted her unborn child to take over the restaurant. she said that the child was morally entitled to the restaurant as his unborn child.
i simply asked her to leave and went ahead with my decision.
aita?
----
| 15,589 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h0398m/aita_for_selling_my_late_husbands_restaurant/
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2020-06-10 03:55:25
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nta. i don’t know any fetuses that are proven restaurant managers, although ymmv.
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he's been cheating for three years. he had more than enough time to leave and change his will if he wanted to. he didn't do any of that and it's all gone to you - she isn't owed any of it. you're entitled to do whatever you want with it. if that's selling the thing that reminds you of the infidelity, that's fine. nta.
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nta. this woman and her child aren’t entitled to anything, especially with no proof that she’s actually pregnant or that the child belongs to your late husband. sell the restaurant and move on with your life.
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nta, considering she was an employee of your husband and i'm guessing she knew you and he were married when they took up the affair, she has no place to talk about morals. it is your assest, do as you wish with it and start a fresh new life.
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nta. does she also believe that she was morally entitled to sleep with a married man?
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did you finalize the sale already? good for you! i'm in awe you awesome gal!
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nta girl, you are still young. sell the restaurant and take a trip. find a new husband (or don't) and live your best damned life! i hope you enjoy your new found freedom and your early to mid 30s should be great now that you can live your own life!
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nta
if she was pregnant with his kid, she should have made a claim against the estate. you shouldn't have altered your plans just on her say-so.
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nta, you don't owe him or his mistress anything and that's that. it was your property and if she wants it for her child so bad she can buy it or encourage said child to do so.
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nta. if she wants her unborn child to take over the restaurant then she can buy it from you. even if he hadn't cheated and you wanted to sell it, that's your right as the new owner of it. there's no rule that says you have to keep it just because your spouse loved it.
sorry about all you're dealing with and good luck with your new firm.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was married to my husband for 13 years, we got married at 19 and my husband passed away a few months ago. we didn't have children together. i have a high paying job as an attorney and i'm currently moving to another state to start my own firm. my husband passed away 4 months ago. it wasn't a pretty end to our marriage as i had just found out that he was cheating on me with one of the waitresses working for his restaurant. they had been having an affair which went on for 3 years. he told me he didn't love me anymore and left to be with her. he passed away due to a sudden cardiac arrest after 2 weeks of leaving our marital home. we weren't legally separated. it wasn't official. as his wife, i inherited everything, including the restaurant as he started the restaurant after we got married. my parents helped him financially and i supported him after i got my first job. after finding out about his infidelity, i had no interest in keeping the restaurant. it was doing really well, but i needed a fresh start. my husband was emotionally attached to his restaurant and wanted his kids to take over after he died. he wanted it to be a family enterprise. i didn't want any part of that. i made the decision to move to another state for better prospects, and decided to sell the restaurant. 2 days before i made my final move to sell it, his mistress showed up to my home begging me to not sell the restaurant because she was pregnant. she wanted her unborn child to take over the restaurant. she said that the child was morally entitled to the restaurant as his unborn child. i simply asked her to leave and went ahead with my decision. aita? ----
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i was married to my husband for 13 years, we got married at 19 and my husband passed away a few months ago. we didn't have children together. i have a high paying job as an attorney and i'm currently moving to another state to start my own firm. my husband passed away 4 months ago. it wasn't a pretty end to our marriage as i had just found out that he was cheating on me with one of the waitresses working for his restaurant. they had been having an affair which went on for 3 years. he told me he didn't love me anymore and left to be with her. he passed away due to a sudden cardiac arrest after 2 weeks of leaving our marital home. we weren't legally separated. it wasn't official. as his wife, i inherited everything, including the restaurant as he started the restaurant after we got married. my parents helped him financially and i supported him after i got my first job. after finding out about his infidelity, i had no interest in keeping the restaurant. it was doing really well, but i needed a fresh start. my husband was emotionally attached to his restaurant and wanted his kids to take over after he died. he wanted it to be a family enterprise. i didn't want any part of that. i made the decision to move to another state for better prospects, and decided to sell the restaurant. 2 days before i made my final move to sell it, his mistress showed up to my home begging me to not sell the restaurant because she was pregnant. she wanted her unborn child to take over the restaurant. she said that the child was morally entitled to the restaurant as his unborn child. i simply asked her to leave and went ahead with my decision. aita? ---- [/INST] nta. i don’t know any fetuses that are proven restaurant managers, although ymmv. </s>
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AITA for refusing to pay off my ex's phone bill when I move out?
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my ex-fiance and i broke up and i'm moving out in july with our son, so we're in the process of disentangling ourselves of certain financial obligations by the end of this month.
i want your judgement if i'm being unreasonable.
basically, we have a family car that's in my name only because he had trash credit when we needed a new car, and had a verbal agreement to split cost, but ex-fiance has made it clear that because we are separated he will no longer be making any financial contributions to it. i'm on my own for the remaining 9k, plus $167/mo insurance.
the phone bill, which includes the phone i've been using for almost a year, but also has his iphone, apple watch, plans, and whatever else he has on it (i have no access to the account) is entirely in his name. it's $264/mo.
i am only using his own logic when i refuse to keep paying or pay off "my" phone once i move out. i intend to leave the phone i've been using with him, since it technically belongs to him. refusing to pay and also keeping it would be theft, i'm not doing that.
he's angry and demands i pay, even if i leave the phone. i point out that i have no legal obligation to pay. i have to accept that the debts i incurred during the relationship are on me, even if it feels unfair, he should do the same. turnabout is fair play. he doesn't see that our situations are the same.
aren't they?
am i being an ah?
| 459 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o9097l/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_off_my_exs_phone_bill/
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2021-06-27 16:20:14
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nta, you keep the car, you pay for the car. he keeps the phones, he pays for the phones. if that's how he wants to play it then it seems perfectly fair to me. if he wants to come to a different arrangement in which you both help contribute towards joint financial obligations then leave that to him.
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nta
you said you would leave the phone so he can turn it back in if he wants to lower his payments. he can cancel your lines as well.
male sure you take him off your car insurance too.
not sure how petty he is but get na new bank account too of you two shared. take your money and name off the current one so you are not liable if the joint goes negative
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nta that’s cute of him to demand it but he isn’t owed it. and that’s smart of you to not take the phone since he owns it.
congrats on leaving him before you got married.
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nta and be sure to get the car title in your name before paying a cent off the loan.
it could happen that you pay off the remaining debt only for your ex to report it stolen and get it back from you.
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nta it seems like a fair trade off, you take over responsibility for the car, he takes responsibility for the phone bill. i buy an unlocked phone because i think the contracts are a total rip off so i don't know if he can return a phone that is partially paid for to the carrier. if he doesn't like the amount of the bill he can try and return the phone or take off some his gadgets if they can operate on wifi to reduce the bill.
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nta. play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
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nta and *scoff* ofcoooourse he doesn’t see it the same. he’ll leave you to pay for things in your name that are joint but expects you to pay the other way around? stick to telling him to take a hike.
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nta. he's getting off cheap. he's sticking you with an auto payment and insurance debt of thousands of dollars (because the car is in your name) but won't pay off the phone (which is in his name).
screw him. leave the phone. it's his anyway.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my ex-fiance and i broke up and i'm moving out in july with our son, so we're in the process of disentangling ourselves of certain financial obligations by the end of this month. i want your judgement if i'm being unreasonable. basically, we have a family car that's in my name only because he had trash credit when we needed a new car, and had a verbal agreement to split cost, but ex-fiance has made it clear that because we are separated he will no longer be making any financial contributions to it. i'm on my own for the remaining 9k, plus $167/mo insurance. the phone bill, which includes the phone i've been using for almost a year, but also has his iphone, apple watch, plans, and whatever else he has on it (i have no access to the account) is entirely in his name. it's $264/mo. i am only using his own logic when i refuse to keep paying or pay off "my" phone once i move out. i intend to leave the phone i've been using with him, since it technically belongs to him. refusing to pay and also keeping it would be theft, i'm not doing that. he's angry and demands i pay, even if i leave the phone. i point out that i have no legal obligation to pay. i have to accept that the debts i incurred during the relationship are on me, even if it feels unfair, he should do the same. turnabout is fair play. he doesn't see that our situations are the same. aren't they? am i being an ah?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my ex-fiance and i broke up and i'm moving out in july with our son, so we're in the process of disentangling ourselves of certain financial obligations by the end of this month. i want your judgement if i'm being unreasonable. basically, we have a family car that's in my name only because he had trash credit when we needed a new car, and had a verbal agreement to split cost, but ex-fiance has made it clear that because we are separated he will no longer be making any financial contributions to it. i'm on my own for the remaining 9k, plus $167/mo insurance. the phone bill, which includes the phone i've been using for almost a year, but also has his iphone, apple watch, plans, and whatever else he has on it (i have no access to the account) is entirely in his name. it's $264/mo. i am only using his own logic when i refuse to keep paying or pay off "my" phone once i move out. i intend to leave the phone i've been using with him, since it technically belongs to him. refusing to pay and also keeping it would be theft, i'm not doing that. he's angry and demands i pay, even if i leave the phone. i point out that i have no legal obligation to pay. i have to accept that the debts i incurred during the relationship are on me, even if it feels unfair, he should do the same. turnabout is fair play. he doesn't see that our situations are the same. aren't they? am i being an ah? [/INST] nta, you keep the car, you pay for the car. he keeps the phones, he pays for the phones. if that's how he wants to play it then it seems perfectly fair to me. if he wants to come to a different arrangement in which you both help contribute towards joint financial obligations then leave that to him. </s>
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AITA for not inviting my aunt to my birthday?
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i'm turning 22 tomorrow, and my entire family and i are all going to meet up at a restaurant for my birthday. my uncle j, aunt s (different aunt) and cousin c are coming up from down state for my birthday. my uncle j is my aunt c's sister, just for clarification.
my aunt c has never treated me well, she holds a grudge against me for various things that i have no control over. for instance, she found out a few years ago that i wound up smoking weed and that i still to this day smoke weed and she holds it against me.
she's like a overly sensitive car alarm, and will go off at random points, i am 90% sure she is either bipolar or manic depressive or both.
she has routinely singled me out amongst the 10 members of my family and will actively go after me and try and start confrontations just because she is in a bad mood.
i have decided to not invite her to my birthday dinner, my mother has asked me to allow her to come and i have declined and told my mother that "if no one else is going to give a shit with how she treats me then i guess i have to"
my mother and the rest of my family is in complete understanding of my feelings about her, i am not aware on whether or not she is aware of my feelings of her but that's irrelevant to the point.
basically am i an asshole for not inviting my aunt to my birthday?
| 202 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nmv4xz/aita_for_not_inviting_my_aunt_to_my_birthday/
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2021-05-28 10:50:04
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nta its your birthday and why would you want to invite someone who has a high likelihood of ruining it. if she asks your family can tell her that her past attitude towards you is the reason she wasn't invited and that on your special day you should not have to be attacked by someone elses dislike of your life choices.
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nta
your birthday, she's had plenty of opportunity to treat you nicely, and failed. worse, she goes out of her way to attack you and singles you out. people who have tried out those two behaviours on me have regretted it, and very quickly.
and i really like your line 'if no one else if going to \[care about\] how she treats me then i guess i have to'. might use it myself if the opportunity arises, minus my bowdlerisation.
go nc on the aunt. though she will probably pick a new target if you do - but that is her demented mind at fault, and not your responsibility. and it might clue your family in to the fact she's bad news.
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nta. you should invite only the people you want to your birthday and she treats you badly.
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nta, i’d never say you have to spend time with someone you don’t like or who treats you poorly. but i’m gonna say this, you do have control over whether you smoke weed or not. it’s none of her business, but that’s a choice you make, not something that happens to you. that’s not something “out of your control”, as you put it. perhaps there’s other things that you genuinely don’t have control over that she holds a grudge about, but that’s not one of them.
also, “manic depressive” is the outdated term for bipolar disorder, they’re not different diagnoses.
and she could have that or any number of things, including a genuine care for you that she just doesn’t know how to express clearly in a positive way. you’re young and rash, like everybody is at that age. don’t do something that you’ll regret later (i cut my uncle off last year and i’m in my 30s—sometimes it’s definitely warranted, but don’t cut off your nose to spite your face). maybe you could have a private, calm conversation with your aunt about how you feel and get some clarity from her before making your decision.
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nta. gotta cut toxic people out of your life! happy birthday!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm turning 22 tomorrow, and my entire family and i are all going to meet up at a restaurant for my birthday. my uncle j, aunt s (different aunt) and cousin c are coming up from down state for my birthday. my uncle j is my aunt c's sister, just for clarification. my aunt c has never treated me well, she holds a grudge against me for various things that i have no control over. for instance, she found out a few years ago that i wound up smoking weed and that i still to this day smoke weed and she holds it against me. she's like a overly sensitive car alarm, and will go off at random points, i am 90% sure she is either bipolar or manic depressive or both. she has routinely singled me out amongst the 10 members of my family and will actively go after me and try and start confrontations just because she is in a bad mood. i have decided to not invite her to my birthday dinner, my mother has asked me to allow her to come and i have declined and told my mother that "if no one else is going to give a shit with how she treats me then i guess i have to" my mother and the rest of my family is in complete understanding of my feelings about her, i am not aware on whether or not she is aware of my feelings of her but that's irrelevant to the point. basically am i an asshole for not inviting my aunt to my birthday?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm turning 22 tomorrow, and my entire family and i are all going to meet up at a restaurant for my birthday. my uncle j, aunt s (different aunt) and cousin c are coming up from down state for my birthday. my uncle j is my aunt c's sister, just for clarification. my aunt c has never treated me well, she holds a grudge against me for various things that i have no control over. for instance, she found out a few years ago that i wound up smoking weed and that i still to this day smoke weed and she holds it against me. she's like a overly sensitive car alarm, and will go off at random points, i am 90% sure she is either bipolar or manic depressive or both. she has routinely singled me out amongst the 10 members of my family and will actively go after me and try and start confrontations just because she is in a bad mood. i have decided to not invite her to my birthday dinner, my mother has asked me to allow her to come and i have declined and told my mother that "if no one else is going to give a shit with how she treats me then i guess i have to" my mother and the rest of my family is in complete understanding of my feelings about her, i am not aware on whether or not she is aware of my feelings of her but that's irrelevant to the point. basically am i an asshole for not inviting my aunt to my birthday? [/INST] nta its your birthday and why would you want to invite someone who has a high likelihood of ruining it. if she asks your family can tell her that her past attitude towards you is the reason she wasn't invited and that on your special day you should not have to be attacked by someone elses dislike of your life choices. </s>
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AITA for refusing to ground my son when he called my FIL pathetic?
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my husband and i have 2 kids, ryder (21m) and juliette (16f), both of them are close to both set of grandparents and visit them regularly, juliette is discovering her style and she's experimenting with clothes, hairstyles and make up, ryan gave her a sew machine last month and she kinda went nuts with this, doing a lot of pieces for fun. since juli is still a minor, we set a few rules because we believe that, even when she's expressing herself, there's still things she shouldn't wear; like no see through things, no large cleavage and no minis.
she's always mixing patterns, colors, prints and textures, pants under skirts, dresses as cardigans, big earrings and necklaces, etc sometimes it does feel too much, but that's just fashion isn't it? she seems happy and we don't think is fair to call her outfits ugly when she's just having fun and experimenting. she still tones it down when it comes to family gatherings because she's afraid people will say something. is important to add that ryder 100% supports and encourages his sister, most of the funny jewelry that juli owns are things ryder bought for her, and as i said, he gave her a sew machine recently. she also makes him shirts and is trying to make him a jacket.
yesterday was ryder's 21 bday and we decided to have a small party just with family, juli asked ryder what his ''theme'' was so she could dress accordingly, but he said she could dress however she wanted and i swear you could see juli's eye sparkling, she ended up wearing a weird combination, but looked happy and ryder said she looked pretty.
as soon as everyone starts to come, they eye juli but nobody says anything, i noticed my fil making a face and when he wants to give ryder a few words he says ''is time to address the elephant in the room. juliette looks awful, go change to normal clothes little girl'' ryder just rolls his eyes and say that a 70 yo man bullying a 16 yo is pathetic. they start to fight and my fil demands i punish my son but my husband and i refuse. he made juli cry.
| 8,300 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vawa6a/aita_for_refusing_to_ground_my_son_when_he_called/
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2022-06-12 21:44:17
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nta
1. how do you ground a 21 year old
2. your son is a boss for coming to his sister's defence
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nta. shame on your fil. it sounds like you’re doing everything right to me & your kids sound wonderful. keep doing what you’re doing!
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nta - your son was defending his sister. your fil was acting pathetic, and nothing that you said was wrong. not only that, but how does he expect you to “ground” or “punish” a 21 y/o man? he’s an adult. he can voice his opinions and grievances without worrying about being reprimanded. fil needs to grow up.
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nta how do you even punish a 21 year old, lock up the liquor cabinet? i mean if it was some fun light hearted ribbing about the clothes maybe he went too far calling him pathetic but if he was being mean there is nothing wrong with being mean back, this old bullshit of having to placate boomers when they are being dicks needs to end, if you’re big enough to talk shit you need to be ready to take it
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nta, but your fil absolutely is. and why didn't you say something to shut him up?
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nta. um...your son is 21? a legal adult! so "punishing" him should no longer be part of your relationship. period. (fil got what he deserved).
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lol @ fil thinking you can *punish* an adult
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maybe it's a cultural thing, but isn't 21 years old too old to ground them? he's an adult by any standards.
&#x200b;
nta
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nta, stopping bullies in the moment is always the right decision. i’m old enough to be a grandparent at this stage and my expectation of respect always begins with me respecting others. we need to set the example that will allow younger people to feel confident and comfortable in their environment, it’s the least we can do.
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nta. punish him for what? standing up for his sister? oh hell no! there are so many estranged siblings on these pages. it's positively delightful to read of such a supportive relationship. to hell with fil!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i have 2 kids, ryder (21m) and juliette (16f), both of them are close to both set of grandparents and visit them regularly, juliette is discovering her style and she's experimenting with clothes, hairstyles and make up, ryan gave her a sew machine last month and she kinda went nuts with this, doing a lot of pieces for fun. since juli is still a minor, we set a few rules because we believe that, even when she's expressing herself, there's still things she shouldn't wear; like no see through things, no large cleavage and no minis. she's always mixing patterns, colors, prints and textures, pants under skirts, dresses as cardigans, big earrings and necklaces, etc sometimes it does feel too much, but that's just fashion isn't it? she seems happy and we don't think is fair to call her outfits ugly when she's just having fun and experimenting. she still tones it down when it comes to family gatherings because she's afraid people will say something. is important to add that ryder 100% supports and encourages his sister, most of the funny jewelry that juli owns are things ryder bought for her, and as i said, he gave her a sew machine recently. she also makes him shirts and is trying to make him a jacket. yesterday was ryder's 21 bday and we decided to have a small party just with family, juli asked ryder what his ''theme'' was so she could dress accordingly, but he said she could dress however she wanted and i swear you could see juli's eye sparkling, she ended up wearing a weird combination, but looked happy and ryder said she looked pretty. as soon as everyone starts to come, they eye juli but nobody says anything, i noticed my fil making a face and when he wants to give ryder a few words he says ''is time to address the elephant in the room. juliette looks awful, go change to normal clothes little girl'' ryder just rolls his eyes and say that a 70 yo man bullying a 16 yo is pathetic. they start to fight and my fil demands i punish my son but my husband and i refuse. he made juli cry.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i have 2 kids, ryder (21m) and juliette (16f), both of them are close to both set of grandparents and visit them regularly, juliette is discovering her style and she's experimenting with clothes, hairstyles and make up, ryan gave her a sew machine last month and she kinda went nuts with this, doing a lot of pieces for fun. since juli is still a minor, we set a few rules because we believe that, even when she's expressing herself, there's still things she shouldn't wear; like no see through things, no large cleavage and no minis. she's always mixing patterns, colors, prints and textures, pants under skirts, dresses as cardigans, big earrings and necklaces, etc sometimes it does feel too much, but that's just fashion isn't it? she seems happy and we don't think is fair to call her outfits ugly when she's just having fun and experimenting. she still tones it down when it comes to family gatherings because she's afraid people will say something. is important to add that ryder 100% supports and encourages his sister, most of the funny jewelry that juli owns are things ryder bought for her, and as i said, he gave her a sew machine recently. she also makes him shirts and is trying to make him a jacket. yesterday was ryder's 21 bday and we decided to have a small party just with family, juli asked ryder what his ''theme'' was so she could dress accordingly, but he said she could dress however she wanted and i swear you could see juli's eye sparkling, she ended up wearing a weird combination, but looked happy and ryder said she looked pretty. as soon as everyone starts to come, they eye juli but nobody says anything, i noticed my fil making a face and when he wants to give ryder a few words he says ''is time to address the elephant in the room. juliette looks awful, go change to normal clothes little girl'' ryder just rolls his eyes and say that a 70 yo man bullying a 16 yo is pathetic. they start to fight and my fil demands i punish my son but my husband and i refuse. he made juli cry. [/INST] nta 1. how do you ground a 21 year old 2. your son is a boss for coming to his sister's defence </s>
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AITA for asking another cyclist in our group to pay me $10?
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for context, i'm in a cycling club that has wednesday rides after most people get off work. yesterday we were on one of our last rides of the season before it gets too dark. it was also a "drop" ride, which means you're on your own if you fall behind the main pack.
about four miles from the finish a guy near the front dropped back and yelled, "anyone got a tube?" nobody else acknowledged him, so i fell behind to see if he was okay. he had a flat tire, but he didn't have anything to fix it with. i always carry a spare inner tube, two co2 cartridges (for the air), a multi-tool, a patch kit, and tire levers. he had none of that (don't ask me why). i offered him my spare tube and basically changed it for him since he had never used a co2 inflator before. we finished the ride together, and the rest of the group was in the parking lot chatting.
that's when i asked for $10 to cover my cost of the tube and a co2 cartridge. he stared at me blankly for a moment but then got out his wallet, handed me a $10 bill, and said, "all right. if it's really that important to you." i asked him what his problem was, and he goes, "you ride a $6000 bike, and you're worried about losing 10 bucks to help someone out." here's the really messed up part: another guy in the group was actually on his side. he said i should give him a break since he's "just a kid" (he's 19) and that we all make dumb mistakes, so therefore i shouldn't make him pay for it. at that point i didn't want to get into a huge pissing contest, so i told the 19-year-old, "the next time this happens i'm not even gonna stop. you can call yourself an uber. bye."
since last night this incident has repeated in my head making me wonder if i was actually an a-hole. was i really being that unreasonable to ask for what those parts cost me?
| 343 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q85yr4/aita_for_asking_another_cyclist_in_our_group_to/
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2021-10-14 18:43:03
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nta - you didn't charge him for changing it you asked for money to replace what was used.
btw, the 19 year old's behavior is why so many people ignore others asking for help. next time he can uber.
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nta just because you have more money or a nicer bike doesn’t mean that the value of $10 to you isn’t $10.
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nta, the fucking entitlement of this rider. you did a good thing despite this bs.
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nta - flat tires happen, which is why a rider should be prepared. in the event that one is caught out without a spare, a reasonable, responsible person would be grateful for assistance and eager to repay the kindness by reimbursing the cost of the spare.
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weeeeell, in my cycling club, if someone is out a tube and you've got a spare we'd let them have it and wouldn't ask for money. however, everyone i've ever given a tube/ canister to has either offered the money or to replace it.
he should have offered, and i feel like you've burnt your bridges within your club should you ever get more punctures than you've got tubes.
so i'ma go with esh.
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nta but barely. i mean. on principle i don’t think it makes you an asshole, but i’ve never heard of a rider charging someone for this kind of thing, which is just standard camaraderie. i’m a cyclist myself and participate in multiple group rides weekly. i’ve given away a few tubes for free to folks who got flats mid-ride because i know someone would absolutely do the same for me, and i’m not hurting for money like a lot if my fellow cyclists. do i think it was petty of you? for sure. you could’ve just encouraged the kid to carry a spare and repair kit with him moving forward and advised him on where to pick ‘em up. a good bike shop. i’m sure the kid wasn’t thrilled to be caught with a flat and rely on a stranger for help. but yeah it’s $10 dude. c’mon now.
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nta your good deed was giving up your time and your enjoyment on the ride to help, now he’s entitled to your resources for free too?
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>"the next time this happens i'm not even gonna stop. you can call yourself an uber. bye."
do you owe him anything? absolutely not. but i hope we can all agree that this isn't nice behavior at all. why be in a club if helping out a fellow rider is too much?
he should have offered to pay as you did save his ass. esh.
(did he thank you btw? i sure hope so)
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nta. you didn't 'make' him pay for it, you *asked*. he could have said no, but he didn't, but he was apparently surprised by the request. what is the etiquette in cycling circles - if you stop to offer repair assistance is it automatically assumed to be free?
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nta, but i will say. not really sure how it works for roadies, but i’m a mountain biker, and i wouldn’t expect someone to pay me for giving them my spare tube. i have been on the giving and receiving end of a spare tube many times and have never expected to pay/be paid for it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.054 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for context, i'm in a cycling club that has wednesday rides after most people get off work. yesterday we were on one of our last rides of the season before it gets too dark. it was also a "drop" ride, which means you're on your own if you fall behind the main pack. about four miles from the finish a guy near the front dropped back and yelled, "anyone got a tube?" nobody else acknowledged him, so i fell behind to see if he was okay. he had a flat tire, but he didn't have anything to fix it with. i always carry a spare inner tube, two co2 cartridges (for the air), a multi-tool, a patch kit, and tire levers. he had none of that (don't ask me why). i offered him my spare tube and basically changed it for him since he had never used a co2 inflator before. we finished the ride together, and the rest of the group was in the parking lot chatting. that's when i asked for $10 to cover my cost of the tube and a co2 cartridge. he stared at me blankly for a moment but then got out his wallet, handed me a $10 bill, and said, "all right. if it's really that important to you." i asked him what his problem was, and he goes, "you ride a $6000 bike, and you're worried about losing 10 bucks to help someone out." here's the really messed up part: another guy in the group was actually on his side. he said i should give him a break since he's "just a kid" (he's 19) and that we all make dumb mistakes, so therefore i shouldn't make him pay for it. at that point i didn't want to get into a huge pissing contest, so i told the 19-year-old, "the next time this happens i'm not even gonna stop. you can call yourself an uber. bye." since last night this incident has repeated in my head making me wonder if i was actually an a-hole. was i really being that unreasonable to ask for what those parts cost me?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for context, i'm in a cycling club that has wednesday rides after most people get off work. yesterday we were on one of our last rides of the season before it gets too dark. it was also a "drop" ride, which means you're on your own if you fall behind the main pack. about four miles from the finish a guy near the front dropped back and yelled, "anyone got a tube?" nobody else acknowledged him, so i fell behind to see if he was okay. he had a flat tire, but he didn't have anything to fix it with. i always carry a spare inner tube, two co2 cartridges (for the air), a multi-tool, a patch kit, and tire levers. he had none of that (don't ask me why). i offered him my spare tube and basically changed it for him since he had never used a co2 inflator before. we finished the ride together, and the rest of the group was in the parking lot chatting. that's when i asked for $10 to cover my cost of the tube and a co2 cartridge. he stared at me blankly for a moment but then got out his wallet, handed me a $10 bill, and said, "all right. if it's really that important to you." i asked him what his problem was, and he goes, "you ride a $6000 bike, and you're worried about losing 10 bucks to help someone out." here's the really messed up part: another guy in the group was actually on his side. he said i should give him a break since he's "just a kid" (he's 19) and that we all make dumb mistakes, so therefore i shouldn't make him pay for it. at that point i didn't want to get into a huge pissing contest, so i told the 19-year-old, "the next time this happens i'm not even gonna stop. you can call yourself an uber. bye." since last night this incident has repeated in my head making me wonder if i was actually an a-hole. was i really being that unreasonable to ask for what those parts cost me? [/INST] nta - you didn't charge him for changing it you asked for money to replace what was used. btw, the 19 year old's behavior is why so many people ignore others asking for help. next time he can uber. </s>
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AITA for not carrying alcohol in my home?
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i (23f) suffer with mental health + addiction problems (sober now) & am on lots of medication for my own personal reason's, i decided to stop drinking even though it wasn't my substance of choice, i know how i am & that something becomes an addiction fast. i don't have any alcohol in my home & never think about having alcohol in my home for these reasons. i had some guests over for dinner & let them know beforehand i would not be providing alcohol, if they wish to have alcohol that they must bring it with them and take it when they leave. i also let them know not to bring alcohol as a gift as i will give it back.
well fast forward to the evening of the dinner, my friend & her fiance show up without any alcohol which is completely fine but it was odd since they're heavy drinkers. they sit down and ask me is i have any wine, i explained to them i sent out a message saying i wouldn't be providing alcohol but there's a liquor store down the road. my friends fiance said it was "bad manners" & i wasn't a "good host" for not providing any alcohol. i apologized and they left to get alcohol. when they came back and everyone was there. they brought me a bottle of wine, i politely declined and asked them to re read the text i sent out. they sat & complained for 2 hours to all the guests about them having to buy their own alcohol & that i didn't accept their gift. it made other guests uncomfortable.
i decided to take some space to decide what i wanted to say to my friend; when i finally decided to tell her it really hurt my feelings & made other people uncomfortable, she lost her absolute mind saying i was not only a bad host but bad friend for not providing alcohol & it shouldn't be her responsibility to buy her own for a dinner i was making and how i was rude for not taking the bottle of wine her and her fiance bought....
the other guests sided with me that she was being unreasonable but, i feel guilty and think maybe i'm in the wrong. aita?
| 262 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tc1jg6/aita_for_not_carrying_alcohol_in_my_home/
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2022-03-11 22:12:51
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nta.
honestly, even if you did drink, expecting to be provided booze is absurd.
i’d have just asked them to leave 🤷♂️ fuck that noise
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nta. these guests were told ahead of time to bring their own booze, and when they failed to do that they blamed you for being a bad host. news flash, dinner doesn't require alcohol. these people are clearly the ah's.
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nta. you don't have to have alcohol as a general rule, and you even went to the trouble of making that clear in your communications. there are plenty of good reasons not to keep alcohol at home, addiction problems being a particularly common one.
it was poor etiquette for them to call you a bad host, and it was just terrible manners to complain about the lack of alcohol to everyone at the party. this one friend sounds pretty unpleasant.
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nta and they're not your friends
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nta and wtf is wrong with people....
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nta you were clear with your boundaries and your expectations. that is what a good host does. they ignored the former and completely disregarded the latter which makes them poor guests.
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nta, it's rude of guests to demand a host provide alcohol. they were tacky and rude. i'd think twice before inviting them again. you are sober, you don't have alcohol in the house. that's just the way it is. you wouldn't go to a vegan's house and demand they provide you with a steak.
&#x200b;
btw, good on you for getting sober and taking care of yourself.
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nta. you're a fine host. you specified what to expect in the invitation. your friend and the fiance are incredibly rude guests.
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nta. when someone sends me a message like that or even politely refuses a drink that’s it. dropped, no discussion since it could be the reason you said no to it.
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nta.
you were clear with your instructions - their lack of reading comprehension is their problem, not yours.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (23f) suffer with mental health + addiction problems (sober now) & am on lots of medication for my own personal reason's, i decided to stop drinking even though it wasn't my substance of choice, i know how i am & that something becomes an addiction fast. i don't have any alcohol in my home & never think about having alcohol in my home for these reasons. i had some guests over for dinner & let them know beforehand i would not be providing alcohol, if they wish to have alcohol that they must bring it with them and take it when they leave. i also let them know not to bring alcohol as a gift as i will give it back. well fast forward to the evening of the dinner, my friend & her fiance show up without any alcohol which is completely fine but it was odd since they're heavy drinkers. they sit down and ask me is i have any wine, i explained to them i sent out a message saying i wouldn't be providing alcohol but there's a liquor store down the road. my friends fiance said it was "bad manners" & i wasn't a "good host" for not providing any alcohol. i apologized and they left to get alcohol. when they came back and everyone was there. they brought me a bottle of wine, i politely declined and asked them to re read the text i sent out. they sat & complained for 2 hours to all the guests about them having to buy their own alcohol & that i didn't accept their gift. it made other guests uncomfortable. i decided to take some space to decide what i wanted to say to my friend; when i finally decided to tell her it really hurt my feelings & made other people uncomfortable, she lost her absolute mind saying i was not only a bad host but bad friend for not providing alcohol & it shouldn't be her responsibility to buy her own for a dinner i was making and how i was rude for not taking the bottle of wine her and her fiance bought.... the other guests sided with me that she was being unreasonable but, i feel guilty and think maybe i'm in the wrong. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (23f) suffer with mental health + addiction problems (sober now) & am on lots of medication for my own personal reason's, i decided to stop drinking even though it wasn't my substance of choice, i know how i am & that something becomes an addiction fast. i don't have any alcohol in my home & never think about having alcohol in my home for these reasons. i had some guests over for dinner & let them know beforehand i would not be providing alcohol, if they wish to have alcohol that they must bring it with them and take it when they leave. i also let them know not to bring alcohol as a gift as i will give it back. well fast forward to the evening of the dinner, my friend & her fiance show up without any alcohol which is completely fine but it was odd since they're heavy drinkers. they sit down and ask me is i have any wine, i explained to them i sent out a message saying i wouldn't be providing alcohol but there's a liquor store down the road. my friends fiance said it was "bad manners" & i wasn't a "good host" for not providing any alcohol. i apologized and they left to get alcohol. when they came back and everyone was there. they brought me a bottle of wine, i politely declined and asked them to re read the text i sent out. they sat & complained for 2 hours to all the guests about them having to buy their own alcohol & that i didn't accept their gift. it made other guests uncomfortable. i decided to take some space to decide what i wanted to say to my friend; when i finally decided to tell her it really hurt my feelings & made other people uncomfortable, she lost her absolute mind saying i was not only a bad host but bad friend for not providing alcohol & it shouldn't be her responsibility to buy her own for a dinner i was making and how i was rude for not taking the bottle of wine her and her fiance bought.... the other guests sided with me that she was being unreasonable but, i feel guilty and think maybe i'm in the wrong. aita? [/INST] nta. honestly, even if you did drink, expecting to be provided booze is absurd. i’d have just asked them to leave 🤷♂️ fuck that noise </s>
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AITA for telling my female friend not to come to the bar I was at?
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i’m a 25 y/o male. a few days ago i went to a bar with a tinder date.
i texted a friend of mine what she was doing that night and she said she was going clubbing with our group of friends. about an hour later she texts me asking me if i was still going to the bar and what time i’d be there. she made it seem as if she wanted to come.
the convo went like this:
her: are you there yet?
me: yeah
her: do you have to pay to get in?
me: yeah but don’t come if it’s just you though.
(she replied before i could explain)
her: wow
me: i’m on a date and that might make it awkward lol
me: it’s not personal it would just be weird if i went on a date with her and brought a female coworker you know. a group would be fine but just us three would be weird.
she didn’t reply.
was i an asshole?
| 187 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d5kjw2/aita_for_telling_my_female_friend_not_to_come_to/
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2019-09-17 17:52:47
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nta.
i'm a woman, and fairly sensitive, so when i say "i wouldn't act like that towards a friend", i say it confidently. it was an overreaction, and it's probably because she has romantic feelings for you. just my opinion
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yta because often when someone texts a friend asking what they’re doing that night it is often in order to hang out. unclear why you texted to begin with. you should have said you were on a date when you first mentioned the bar
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yta-why are you texting her to ask what she’s doing? that’s a good indicator of wanting to hang out. are you that tied to your phone?
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why didn’t you say right away you were on a date and would talk later? i also find it strange you spent a good amount of time texting this out while on a date. also just rude. you also could have just said you were on a date instead of “yeah but don’t come if it’s just you.” yta you could have said it a million nicer ways.
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nta in theory. the isolated comment of “don’t come if it’s just you” could come off harsh if she didn’t realize what you meant at first but she should’ve understood once you explained. she definitely might dig ya.
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nta seems like she has a thing for you
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why would you text someone to ask what they're doing if you're busy? "what are you up to?" is usually understood as "what are you up to (and can i join?)"
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nah, i think you could have handled it with a bit more tact tho - "yeah i'm there but i'm on a date so i can't sit with you guys" isn't that hard and sounds a lot better.
if you ask someone what they're doing, sometimes it's a sign that you wanna hang out, so she may have misunderstood and then got mad. i feel like once she cools down it'll be ok.
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nta - i think she has a thing for you
| null |
NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NAH
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NTA
| null | 0.61614 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m a 25 y/o male. a few days ago i went to a bar with a tinder date. i texted a friend of mine what she was doing that night and she said she was going clubbing with our group of friends. about an hour later she texts me asking me if i was still going to the bar and what time i’d be there. she made it seem as if she wanted to come. the convo went like this: her: are you there yet? me: yeah her: do you have to pay to get in? me: yeah but don’t come if it’s just you though. (she replied before i could explain) her: wow me: i’m on a date and that might make it awkward lol me: it’s not personal it would just be weird if i went on a date with her and brought a female coworker you know. a group would be fine but just us three would be weird. she didn’t reply. was i an asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m a 25 y/o male. a few days ago i went to a bar with a tinder date. i texted a friend of mine what she was doing that night and she said she was going clubbing with our group of friends. about an hour later she texts me asking me if i was still going to the bar and what time i’d be there. she made it seem as if she wanted to come. the convo went like this: her: are you there yet? me: yeah her: do you have to pay to get in? me: yeah but don’t come if it’s just you though. (she replied before i could explain) her: wow me: i’m on a date and that might make it awkward lol me: it’s not personal it would just be weird if i went on a date with her and brought a female coworker you know. a group would be fine but just us three would be weird. she didn’t reply. was i an asshole? [/INST] nta. i'm a woman, and fairly sensitive, so when i say "i wouldn't act like that towards a friend", i say it confidently. it was an overreaction, and it's probably because she has romantic feelings for you. just my opinion </s>
|
AITA for resenting my parents based on how differently they treated my brother and I?
|
i (15m) always felt like my little brother (7m) got treated way better than i did as a kid. for starters, both my brother and i have autism and i feel like he got more help for his than i ever did mine.
he has level 2 autism (requires moderate help to navigate the world) and i have level 1 autism (requires minimal help to navigate the world). however, i feel like they severely downplay my autism while nearly exaggerating his.
my parents (42f and 43m) made sure to give my little brother all the help and support he needs and more and get angry at me when i point out that they never helped me like that. they got me diagnosed with adhd while i was 6, and put me on adderall when i was 8. aside from meds i hated and a simple iep at school, i never really got any other help. they're also only just now making efforts to get me my autism diagnosis.
they essentially let him do whatever he wants because of his autism. he wants to scream and run around the house despite it upsetting me because of my autism? yeah, sure he can. i should just go to my room and deal with it. he screams at my mom for 5 minutes because she said something that upset him? oh well, he's autistic. meanwhile, if i say something in a tone they don't like because i don't use/register tone, i get a 10 minute lecture on how rude and disrespectful i am.
i've tried pointing out several times that all they ever did for me was get me an iep and put me on meds i hated for 6 years while he gets a diagnosis immediately for his autism, he gets therapy and meds and a super complex iep and the house stocked with all of his favorite comfort foods. their response is always "well, the first kid is the one you experiment on and mess up with a little bit".
while i get it that our autism is very different from one another, i always feel cheated because he gets the support i so desperately needed and wanted and i'm treated as ungrateful for not being content with the bare minimum support i got.
however, i also understand that i am only 15 and still think of things through a very childish lens, due to me still being a child. i feel conflicted because i know that my parents tried to help me and i still love them very much.
so, reddit, aita?
| 159 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nksmf4/aita_for_resenting_my_parents_based_on_how/
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2021-05-25 15:36:53
|
nta. your parents are doing both you and your brother a disservice. with you, their lack of concern or care for your disability is likely going to lead to you having a strained-at-best relationship with them going forward. with your brother, they're all but ensuring that he's never going to be able to function in the world on his own, because they're going to teach him that everything can and should revolve around him.
is there any way you can speak to your doctor without your parents in the room to shout you down, and ask if you can talk to the doctor about your diagnosis and treatment plans? you're old enough that your doctor should be taking your feelings and opinions into account.
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this is one of the most well put together aita for a 15 year old that i've ever read. even acknowledging that you're only 15 and aren't mentally mature to maybe register the situation at the end. just, bravo op.
i would say, nta.
you're parents likely didn't have all the necessary resources while you were young to help you manage and cope with your autism. it's a completely different ball park in the medical field now than it was 15 years ago. a lot of children with autism were diagnosed as having add or adhd and medicated incorrectly and suffered as a result.
it's not to say your parents are at fault either. but, given that resources should be plenty now they should be doing everything to ensure you both get the best possible upbringing. but, it's quite possible they are over whelmed with your brother and indirectly neglecting your needs and not being attentive as they should.
you sound incredibly collected, well spoken and mature for someone of your age. if it's not too uncomfortable, i would try to have a civil discussion with them. try to reiterate that you feel as if they're neglecting your needs and you would like their help to access more resources in managing your autism so you can thrive into your adult years and try to kindly phrase that you feel sequestered from your parents time and attention.
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nah.
i think the differing treatment is just from your parents learning more about your conditions and being better prepared for the second child as a result. you have a right to feel frustrated about the situation, but it doesn’t sound like they are leaving it as it is and are trying to get you the help you need as well.
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nta it's normal to feel jealousy sometimes but try to remember that he is 7 and you are 15. it is normal that he gets a little bit more attention right now. also, your parents most likely were discovering how to navigate autism with you and had some knowledge about it when raising your brother that they didn't have while raising you (one of the perks of being the older sibling) however, don't hesitate to tell your parents that you feel left out and that you would like to see a therapist and/or spend more time just with them (not all the time but for exemple once a month doing a father/daughter or mother/daughter activity). it seems like your parents are trying their best so don't hesitate to talk with them about how you feel and what might help you feel better.
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nta you're feelings are valid and even if it's probably difficult to have two children with autism.
but it's also a part of growing up and realizing that your parents are human and not always great even if they mean well. and as someone with autism i know how hard is it to not let your feelings overwhelmed you.
have you tried to talk about it ? (when they had a good night, are not busy ...)
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.002 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (15m) always felt like my little brother (7m) got treated way better than i did as a kid. for starters, both my brother and i have autism and i feel like he got more help for his than i ever did mine. he has level 2 autism (requires moderate help to navigate the world) and i have level 1 autism (requires minimal help to navigate the world). however, i feel like they severely downplay my autism while nearly exaggerating his. my parents (42f and 43m) made sure to give my little brother all the help and support he needs and more and get angry at me when i point out that they never helped me like that. they got me diagnosed with adhd while i was 6, and put me on adderall when i was 8. aside from meds i hated and a simple iep at school, i never really got any other help. they're also only just now making efforts to get me my autism diagnosis. they essentially let him do whatever he wants because of his autism. he wants to scream and run around the house despite it upsetting me because of my autism? yeah, sure he can. i should just go to my room and deal with it. he screams at my mom for 5 minutes because she said something that upset him? oh well, he's autistic. meanwhile, if i say something in a tone they don't like because i don't use/register tone, i get a 10 minute lecture on how rude and disrespectful i am. i've tried pointing out several times that all they ever did for me was get me an iep and put me on meds i hated for 6 years while he gets a diagnosis immediately for his autism, he gets therapy and meds and a super complex iep and the house stocked with all of his favorite comfort foods. their response is always "well, the first kid is the one you experiment on and mess up with a little bit". while i get it that our autism is very different from one another, i always feel cheated because he gets the support i so desperately needed and wanted and i'm treated as ungrateful for not being content with the bare minimum support i got. however, i also understand that i am only 15 and still think of things through a very childish lens, due to me still being a child. i feel conflicted because i know that my parents tried to help me and i still love them very much. so, reddit, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (15m) always felt like my little brother (7m) got treated way better than i did as a kid. for starters, both my brother and i have autism and i feel like he got more help for his than i ever did mine. he has level 2 autism (requires moderate help to navigate the world) and i have level 1 autism (requires minimal help to navigate the world). however, i feel like they severely downplay my autism while nearly exaggerating his. my parents (42f and 43m) made sure to give my little brother all the help and support he needs and more and get angry at me when i point out that they never helped me like that. they got me diagnosed with adhd while i was 6, and put me on adderall when i was 8. aside from meds i hated and a simple iep at school, i never really got any other help. they're also only just now making efforts to get me my autism diagnosis. they essentially let him do whatever he wants because of his autism. he wants to scream and run around the house despite it upsetting me because of my autism? yeah, sure he can. i should just go to my room and deal with it. he screams at my mom for 5 minutes because she said something that upset him? oh well, he's autistic. meanwhile, if i say something in a tone they don't like because i don't use/register tone, i get a 10 minute lecture on how rude and disrespectful i am. i've tried pointing out several times that all they ever did for me was get me an iep and put me on meds i hated for 6 years while he gets a diagnosis immediately for his autism, he gets therapy and meds and a super complex iep and the house stocked with all of his favorite comfort foods. their response is always "well, the first kid is the one you experiment on and mess up with a little bit". while i get it that our autism is very different from one another, i always feel cheated because he gets the support i so desperately needed and wanted and i'm treated as ungrateful for not being content with the bare minimum support i got. however, i also understand that i am only 15 and still think of things through a very childish lens, due to me still being a child. i feel conflicted because i know that my parents tried to help me and i still love them very much. so, reddit, aita? [/INST] nta. your parents are doing both you and your brother a disservice. with you, their lack of concern or care for your disability is likely going to lead to you having a strained-at-best relationship with them going forward. with your brother, they're all but ensuring that he's never going to be able to function in the world on his own, because they're going to teach him that everything can and should revolve around him. is there any way you can speak to your doctor without your parents in the room to shout you down, and ask if you can talk to the doctor about your diagnosis and treatment plans? you're old enough that your doctor should be taking your feelings and opinions into account. </s>
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AITA for not letting my sister borrow my plow truck?
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my sister(42f) is not the best driver. when we were younger, she got into some accidents and scratched a few cars in parking lots. she now currently drives a car with a few dents and scratches in the doors. i(43m) let her recently borrow one of my cars while hers was in the shop and when she returned it, i saw some scratches on the driver's side.
i live in a small house with a large driveway. during the winter months, we get storms that are about 8-10'. i decided to purchase a plow truck to make clearing the driveway easier. i plow for my neighbors, friends and my parents. we recently got storm where the snow was about 10' and my sister reached out wanting to borrow the plow truck. i told her that i would be happy to plow her driveway but didn't trust her using the truck.
she got defensive about her driving skills and thought it was pathetic that i wouldn't let her borrow the truck. i explained to her that she hasn't shown me that her driving has improved as she hit someone while talking on the phone. my parents think that i should be nice and let her use the truck.
| 167 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tcp1e7/aita_for_not_letting_my_sister_borrow_my_plow/
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2022-03-12 19:37:47
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nta. this is none of your parents' business. this is between you and your sister.
this is your plow truck. you have no obligation to let anyone borrow it, including your sister. i think you are making a wise decision to not let her borrow it. you already went above and beyond by saying that you would plow her driveway. she needs to get over herself.
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nta. the proof is in the pudding. she has a bad driving history and has recently damaged one of your cars after borrowing it. offering to plow her drive way for her was a more then generous offer. nta.
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nta. she already damaged your property once. don’t let her do it again. you were nice to offer to plow her driveway for her. that should’ve been enough.
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your parents can mind their business. you're a grown adult and it's not their car she would be damaging.
nta. i'd stand my ground.
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nta. don't let her drive your truck!
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nta and advise your parents they will have to pay for the repairs to the truck if she does any damage to it and can't pay herself.
*my parents think that i should be nice and let her use the truck*
easy to say when it's not theirs!!
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nta, especially since you offered to plow for her! i get that it’s not the same as shoveling, but i would be thrilled to not have to clear my own driveway.
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nta. and if she hits someone with your truck, you’re responsible. imagine how much damage she can do with a plow truck!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister(42f) is not the best driver. when we were younger, she got into some accidents and scratched a few cars in parking lots. she now currently drives a car with a few dents and scratches in the doors. i(43m) let her recently borrow one of my cars while hers was in the shop and when she returned it, i saw some scratches on the driver's side. i live in a small house with a large driveway. during the winter months, we get storms that are about 8-10'. i decided to purchase a plow truck to make clearing the driveway easier. i plow for my neighbors, friends and my parents. we recently got storm where the snow was about 10' and my sister reached out wanting to borrow the plow truck. i told her that i would be happy to plow her driveway but didn't trust her using the truck. she got defensive about her driving skills and thought it was pathetic that i wouldn't let her borrow the truck. i explained to her that she hasn't shown me that her driving has improved as she hit someone while talking on the phone. my parents think that i should be nice and let her use the truck.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister(42f) is not the best driver. when we were younger, she got into some accidents and scratched a few cars in parking lots. she now currently drives a car with a few dents and scratches in the doors. i(43m) let her recently borrow one of my cars while hers was in the shop and when she returned it, i saw some scratches on the driver's side. i live in a small house with a large driveway. during the winter months, we get storms that are about 8-10'. i decided to purchase a plow truck to make clearing the driveway easier. i plow for my neighbors, friends and my parents. we recently got storm where the snow was about 10' and my sister reached out wanting to borrow the plow truck. i told her that i would be happy to plow her driveway but didn't trust her using the truck. she got defensive about her driving skills and thought it was pathetic that i wouldn't let her borrow the truck. i explained to her that she hasn't shown me that her driving has improved as she hit someone while talking on the phone. my parents think that i should be nice and let her use the truck. [/INST] nta. this is none of your parents' business. this is between you and your sister. this is your plow truck. you have no obligation to let anyone borrow it, including your sister. i think you are making a wise decision to not let her borrow it. you already went above and beyond by saying that you would plow her driveway. she needs to get over herself. </s>
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AITA for “showing to much skin” around the house?
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i live with my 2 brothers, sister, mother, and step dad. a while back my mom told me that i need to make sure i wear “pants instead of shorts, and a bra under my shirt”. but that sort of just passed i guess. i mean she has said things about me not wearing a bra (but i usually do).
her reasoning was that she felt it was making my step dad and brothers uncomfortable. i do not believe my brothers care. but i know for a fact that my step dad doesn’t like me walking around boy shorts, or *any* of my shorts since they’re all pretty short.
i didn’t feel like i was in the wrong. but recently my sister expressed a similar sentiment and now i’m not sure.
my sisters boyfriend is over a lot and she’s been catching him staring (i have too. but am not bothered by it). and she basically says she doesn’t want me walking around the house in, “booty shorts” anymore. but i swear i’ve only worn sweatpants around him. but since she’s now the second person who’s talked to me about, “showing to much skin”. and i’m wondering what others think?
| 390 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q96gfq/aita_for_showing_to_much_skin_around_the_house/
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2021-10-16 06:29:05
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nta. let's get the simple part out of the way. your sister blaming you for her bf staring is insane. the bf is a creep and that's it. now the fact that you walking around without a bra under your shirt makes your step dad uncomfortable, is a huge red flag.
telling you to "wear less revealing clothing" around the house when you're just being comfy isn't fair to you, and it sounds like your step dad and sisters bf are both creeps.
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nta- it's kinds weird your step dad and brother are looking at your body and getting "uncomfortable." really not normal.
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nta
they are shaming you for your body, but not teaching boys/men appropriate behaviour. you are wearing clothes. they need to grow up.
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nta. you deserve to be comfortable in your own house. if your brothers and step dad are uncomfortable then they should stop sexualising their sister/daughter rather than putting their problem on you. and your sister’s boyfriend needs dumping asap.
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it's not your job to take care of the self control of the other men in the house.
i don't wear bras and shorts in the summer. it's my friggin home. where when not there?
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nta. while you should be decent around people you live with, that doesn't mean you can wear clothes you like. shorts, or going braless is a perfectly normal way to dress at home. how other people feel about your body is their problem. i thinks its pretty disappointing to have a parent and a sister blame you for other people's reactions to your personal style at home. you didn't ask her boyfriend to stare, and you aren't asking your family members to look at you sexually. you should have the right to wear what you want in your won space, so long as its decent. do your brothers or step dad ever go shirtless in the hotter months? i feel like if they do, this is a huge double standard too.
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now what, cover your hair because it’s a temptation for men?
that shouldn’t be your problem
nta
(also as everyone already said: your stepdad is the definition of cringe)
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nta. you are never, ever responsible for the self control of others. if you have to wear a bra under your shirt in your own home, that’s a red flag and means some man/men are sexualizing you and that’s absolutely not okay. you are also not responsible for your sister’s bf’s distraction. she should talk to him and not you. he’s sexualizing you and that’s not cool at all. you can also tell him to stop staring. it’s rude.
you should be able to wear normal lounge clothes (shorts, shirts without bras, even short shorts) in your own home. if you can’t, then that’s a huge red flag and is a sign of an unsafe home environment. your step dad sounds creepy as fuck. please take care of yourself.
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you're in your own house. unless your butt or boobs are hanging out, you can dress for your comfort. i would be more concerned about how your stepdad claims to be 'uncomfortable' and your sister is blaming you for her boyfriend's wandering eye.
both your mother and sister have a problem, but it's not your clothes or your body. as calmly as possible, i would make that distinction clear. they need to sort their men out and not put the responsibility on you to fix it. because i have the feeling no matter what you do or wear, it's not going to resolve anything.
empathically nta.
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nta
when are we going to stop telling women how they should dress?! op, it’s creepy it makes your step dad uncomfortable, and that’s his problem. your mom should be worried about that. same with the brother’s. your sister should be calling out her boyfriend for staring. where what you want in your own home.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i live with my 2 brothers, sister, mother, and step dad. a while back my mom told me that i need to make sure i wear “pants instead of shorts, and a bra under my shirt”. but that sort of just passed i guess. i mean she has said things about me not wearing a bra (but i usually do). her reasoning was that she felt it was making my step dad and brothers uncomfortable. i do not believe my brothers care. but i know for a fact that my step dad doesn’t like me walking around boy shorts, or *any* of my shorts since they’re all pretty short. i didn’t feel like i was in the wrong. but recently my sister expressed a similar sentiment and now i’m not sure. my sisters boyfriend is over a lot and she’s been catching him staring (i have too. but am not bothered by it). and she basically says she doesn’t want me walking around the house in, “booty shorts” anymore. but i swear i’ve only worn sweatpants around him. but since she’s now the second person who’s talked to me about, “showing to much skin”. and i’m wondering what others think?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i live with my 2 brothers, sister, mother, and step dad. a while back my mom told me that i need to make sure i wear “pants instead of shorts, and a bra under my shirt”. but that sort of just passed i guess. i mean she has said things about me not wearing a bra (but i usually do). her reasoning was that she felt it was making my step dad and brothers uncomfortable. i do not believe my brothers care. but i know for a fact that my step dad doesn’t like me walking around boy shorts, or *any* of my shorts since they’re all pretty short. i didn’t feel like i was in the wrong. but recently my sister expressed a similar sentiment and now i’m not sure. my sisters boyfriend is over a lot and she’s been catching him staring (i have too. but am not bothered by it). and she basically says she doesn’t want me walking around the house in, “booty shorts” anymore. but i swear i’ve only worn sweatpants around him. but since she’s now the second person who’s talked to me about, “showing to much skin”. and i’m wondering what others think? [/INST] nta. let's get the simple part out of the way. your sister blaming you for her bf staring is insane. the bf is a creep and that's it. now the fact that you walking around without a bra under your shirt makes your step dad uncomfortable, is a huge red flag. telling you to "wear less revealing clothing" around the house when you're just being comfy isn't fair to you, and it sounds like your step dad and sisters bf are both creeps. </s>
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AITA for making her eat?
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i (m45) have a 17yo daughter who i've noticed is slowly beginning to starve herself. she is overweight; but obviously starving yourself is not the way to go about it. i'm back at work, but she is not back at school, and she openly admits that the only meal she eats is dinner because i 'force' her. she is open that she's lost 9 kilos in 3 weeks, and tells me that if it wasn't for me making her eat, she could be almost at her 'goal' by now. this started because my wife took her to the doctors, and her normal doctor wasn't in - so she was seen by a different doctor who told her that she was 'severely obese' and that she needed to lose 30 kilos or else she would die. (she at that point was 90kgs, and is now 80kgs). i called him about 2 weeks ago when i noticed this was how it first was, and he said "good! this will help her to lose the weight and then you can reevaluate her diet and exercise!" my wife is the one telling me i am the asshole because it's "her" right to lose weight how she sees fit and the doctor doesn't see any problem with this.
i'm now being considered the "a" as well because i've told my wife we are giving this one more week, until her regular doctor is back and then we are making an appointment with him because this is ridiculous. my daughter is depressed, she's sad when she eats, and i told her to have a handful of potato chips during a movie she was watching and she binged the whole bag in 10 minutes and then went to bed, feeling quite dejected and saying that she was 'a pig' who was 'fat, ugly, a loser, etc'. i've even heard her in the bathroom calling herself names, and telling herself "food is a privilege not a right". it's even worse because people are complimenting her on how much weight she's lost and how she looks 'so good' and i can see it spurring her on. my wife is also loving these compliments and is sure to tell my daughter how good she looks.
so - aita?
| 399 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gkndf0/aita_for_making_her_eat/
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2020-05-16 03:02:42
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nta.
my heart breaks for your daughter and my blood boils at your wife. this is how beginning of a slippery slope for ed. i absolutely think meeting with regular doctor is needed, but also think meeting with or asking for a referral to a registered dietician would be great. if your daughter wants to lose weight, an rd will help get her on the right path.
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nta. i went through anorexia when i was in my teenage years. in my case, my mom was exactly as concerned as you. and her actions, that at the time i thought were extreme and invasive, were the right ones and i thank her today.
my mom made sure i ate something every meal. she even went to school and secretly talked to a teacher she confided in so she would make sure i didn't throw away the food she'd sent me to school with. believe me, when i found out about this, i was embarrassed and angry because i thought she was being overly exaggerated. but today, i am a healthy young woman who has a healthy relationship with food, with my family and with myself.
you are doing the right thing to take her to a proper doctor who can prioritize both her losing weight and her own health. a parent who cares about their child's well-being is in their whole right of going above and beyond all measures to make sure their child is safe, even from what harm they can inflict on themselves.
have in mind this is not only a physiological issue but a psychological disorder too. so, with love, patience and understanding guide her to make the right decisions. :)
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nta but....
encouraging her to eat unhealthy foods is not acceptable.
she clearly has a bad relationship with food and neither you or your wife is helping.
my recommendation would be to sit her down and discuss her formed eating disorder. encourage her to eat healthy. if she is going to lose weight. ensure that she does it the right way. she might not know how.
if it is within budget, i would take her to a nutritionist and/or therapist.
i would sit with your wife separately and discuss how it is not okay to encourage this behavior. you guys need to work together to make sure she is healthy. that's on both ends of the spectrum.... no starving herself... no eating potato chips.
be active in her journey! look up healthy recipes.... cook healthy together. take walks together.
there are no shortcuts to health and your whole family would benefit to this change.
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nta. there’s nothing wrong with your daughter wanting to lose weight, but it doesn’t seem like she is going about it in a healthy way or with a healthy relationship with food. it sounds like a good idea to have her see her normal doctor, and perhaps consider therapy if your daughter is open to it. it could help her work through some of the negative self-talk and her relationship food.
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nta. i admire you for being concerned and making her eat, but please make her see a therapist and a nutritionist. your wife is terribly wrong and enabling your daughter's eating disorders, even though her intentions are good. if you can, offer to cook healthier meals for her and help her exercise. i've had eating disorders for 6 years now and the road to recovery is a very difficult one, but she can get out if you help her.
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esh. forcing her to eat (and encouraging her to eat potato chips) is counter productive. starvation is obviously counterproductive as well.
i recommend you have a conversation with your daughter and identify healthy foods she likes, and encourage her to cook.
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nah - it sounds like you all have some concerning attitudes towards food - both her starving herself and you “forcing” her to eat are going to lead her to developing concerning relationships to food, or an ed. you both have valid concerns but neither of you is inherently more knowledgeable than the other. you need a doctors appointment with a dietician or nutritionist who will put her on a specific plan of how much to eat and what and when, so she can lose weight safely and develop healthy habits.
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nta but actually forcing food down her throat isnt the way to go about it. she needs to see someone who specializes in eating disorders. try getting her to eat more healthier foods and exercising with her. intermittent fasting is a good alternative as long as you're making her eat a healthy amount of food in the window that she does eat. make your dinners healthier so she doesnt feel so bad about eating them. if she fasts from 9 pm to 1 pm every day she'll lose a substantial amount of weight while still remaining healthy just watch her and make sure it doesnt spiral
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uuuuhhhhh...... not a doctor and don't know much about eating disorders, so take my nta with a grain of salt.
this doctor told your daughter, a 17yo, to lose weight or she'll die, didn't give any guidelines, or refer her to a nutritionist or specialist to work on a plan? what the actual fuck? was his office in a back alley? this sounds like the type of thing that will lead to an eating disorder and a trip to the er for malnourishment. i mean, the fact that without you she wouldn't eat at all and feels guilty when she does already are red flags bigger than russia.
i wish i could be of more help, but i think you should call your doctor right away and explain the situation going on. i don't know how to talk to someone who has issues eating so don't know if what you're saying and how is best from her pov, but you have good intentions.
good luck to all of you and i hope this gets sorted out.
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nta. that doctor who told her that is however ta. there are ways to go about loosing weight in a healthy way, this is not it. hopefully she can get a healthy regimen going that will make her feel better instead of putting so much pressure on herself.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.01833 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (m45) have a 17yo daughter who i've noticed is slowly beginning to starve herself. she is overweight; but obviously starving yourself is not the way to go about it. i'm back at work, but she is not back at school, and she openly admits that the only meal she eats is dinner because i 'force' her. she is open that she's lost 9 kilos in 3 weeks, and tells me that if it wasn't for me making her eat, she could be almost at her 'goal' by now. this started because my wife took her to the doctors, and her normal doctor wasn't in - so she was seen by a different doctor who told her that she was 'severely obese' and that she needed to lose 30 kilos or else she would die. (she at that point was 90kgs, and is now 80kgs). i called him about 2 weeks ago when i noticed this was how it first was, and he said "good! this will help her to lose the weight and then you can reevaluate her diet and exercise!" my wife is the one telling me i am the asshole because it's "her" right to lose weight how she sees fit and the doctor doesn't see any problem with this. i'm now being considered the "a" as well because i've told my wife we are giving this one more week, until her regular doctor is back and then we are making an appointment with him because this is ridiculous. my daughter is depressed, she's sad when she eats, and i told her to have a handful of potato chips during a movie she was watching and she binged the whole bag in 10 minutes and then went to bed, feeling quite dejected and saying that she was 'a pig' who was 'fat, ugly, a loser, etc'. i've even heard her in the bathroom calling herself names, and telling herself "food is a privilege not a right". it's even worse because people are complimenting her on how much weight she's lost and how she looks 'so good' and i can see it spurring her on. my wife is also loving these compliments and is sure to tell my daughter how good she looks. so - aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (m45) have a 17yo daughter who i've noticed is slowly beginning to starve herself. she is overweight; but obviously starving yourself is not the way to go about it. i'm back at work, but she is not back at school, and she openly admits that the only meal she eats is dinner because i 'force' her. she is open that she's lost 9 kilos in 3 weeks, and tells me that if it wasn't for me making her eat, she could be almost at her 'goal' by now. this started because my wife took her to the doctors, and her normal doctor wasn't in - so she was seen by a different doctor who told her that she was 'severely obese' and that she needed to lose 30 kilos or else she would die. (she at that point was 90kgs, and is now 80kgs). i called him about 2 weeks ago when i noticed this was how it first was, and he said "good! this will help her to lose the weight and then you can reevaluate her diet and exercise!" my wife is the one telling me i am the asshole because it's "her" right to lose weight how she sees fit and the doctor doesn't see any problem with this. i'm now being considered the "a" as well because i've told my wife we are giving this one more week, until her regular doctor is back and then we are making an appointment with him because this is ridiculous. my daughter is depressed, she's sad when she eats, and i told her to have a handful of potato chips during a movie she was watching and she binged the whole bag in 10 minutes and then went to bed, feeling quite dejected and saying that she was 'a pig' who was 'fat, ugly, a loser, etc'. i've even heard her in the bathroom calling herself names, and telling herself "food is a privilege not a right". it's even worse because people are complimenting her on how much weight she's lost and how she looks 'so good' and i can see it spurring her on. my wife is also loving these compliments and is sure to tell my daughter how good she looks. so - aita? [/INST] nta. my heart breaks for your daughter and my blood boils at your wife. this is how beginning of a slippery slope for ed. i absolutely think meeting with regular doctor is needed, but also think meeting with or asking for a referral to a registered dietician would be great. if your daughter wants to lose weight, an rd will help get her on the right path. </s>
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AITA for not backing my friends up when it came to a 'perverted teacher'
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at school we gotta do 10 minutes of reading at the start of every class. there's one teacher that makes anyone \[either gender\] do push ups or a plank for the 10 minutes if you don't bring your reading book. my friends \[we're all females\] say he's a pervert and reported him to the school because of this but i know they've only done it because they hate the physical activity and want an excuse to get out of it/not do it and get away with not reading at the same time.
the co-ordinator interviewed the class and a few excess students and because of me telling the truth the school put the case to rest. at this moment i'm not friends with them anymore because they figured out it was me who snitched.
aita for being honest?
| 575 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e2r821/aita_for_not_backing_my_friends_up_when_it_came/
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2019-11-28 02:28:20
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nta
false allegations of sexual impropriety can ruin a person's career and their whole life even after they are debunked.
those girls are huge ahs for playing around with that, and you did a good thing.
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nta.
you are *never* the asshole for reporting honestly something that happened. in this case, it was possible your teacher could have lost his job--which he very well needs to pay the bills, keep food on his table, and keep a roof over his head.
worse, an allegation like that could destroy his life.
your "friends" are not worth being friends with, and the fact they no longer want to talk to you just saves you the trouble of getting rid of them.
i know that sucks. it sucks losing friends. but remaining friends with people like that will ruin your life in the long run.
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[deleted]
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wait he makes you do a plank for 10 minutes? that's... incredibly difficult
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info
are you really certain he isn't a pervert? is it possible your friends have noticed things you haven't?
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he might not be a pervert, but he's a psycho for expecting a student to do a plank for 10 minutes. and i literally climb mountains but am incapable of doing a pushup. what a terrible teacher.
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info - does he make the students do this physical activity right there in class, in front of the class?
additional info: did your classmates say he did other perverted things? or did they just say that he made them do physical activity on display to him and others, and that it made them uncomfortable? because i don't know what country or state you are in, but forcing kids to do physical activity outside of a physical education context is not acceptable in many districts.
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it really depends on how you "told the truth". did you just tell them you haven't noticed any perversion of the sort, or did you slam your friends, saying that they're just saying that because they want to get out of reading and the punishment?
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holy fuck. nta! are you saying that your bratty little friends were trying to report this teacher as a pervert because he made you do push ups? quite frankly i think that's a wildly inappropriate punishment, but to falsely claim the man is a sexual predator is beyond horrible. they could not only ruin that man's career but his entire life. you did the right thing telling the truth. it's always right to tell the truth, and you protected the person in danger (the teacher). i hope your former friends get suspended. if i was their mother i'd ground them for months. horrible people like them are why so many victims of sexual abuse aren't believed.
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esh, but the teacher making people do that **is** really weird.
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
INFO
| null |
INFO
| null |
NTA
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ESH
| 0.206438 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: at school we gotta do 10 minutes of reading at the start of every class. there's one teacher that makes anyone \[either gender\] do push ups or a plank for the 10 minutes if you don't bring your reading book. my friends \[we're all females\] say he's a pervert and reported him to the school because of this but i know they've only done it because they hate the physical activity and want an excuse to get out of it/not do it and get away with not reading at the same time. the co-ordinator interviewed the class and a few excess students and because of me telling the truth the school put the case to rest. at this moment i'm not friends with them anymore because they figured out it was me who snitched. aita for being honest?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
at school we gotta do 10 minutes of reading at the start of every class. there's one teacher that makes anyone \[either gender\] do push ups or a plank for the 10 minutes if you don't bring your reading book. my friends \[we're all females\] say he's a pervert and reported him to the school because of this but i know they've only done it because they hate the physical activity and want an excuse to get out of it/not do it and get away with not reading at the same time. the co-ordinator interviewed the class and a few excess students and because of me telling the truth the school put the case to rest. at this moment i'm not friends with them anymore because they figured out it was me who snitched. aita for being honest? [/INST] nta false allegations of sexual impropriety can ruin a person's career and their whole life even after they are debunked. those girls are huge ahs for playing around with that, and you did a good thing. </s>
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WIBTA if I told my tennis partner to stop bringing his daughter down to our tennis sessions?
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i play tennis around once a month with a friend from college. we were both part of the same college team, and since then we've settled down with families. we each live in residences with shared tennis facilities, and alternate playing at his place and at my place, since we stay quite far apart from each other (1.5 hour round trip by car).
when we play at his place, we have the tennis court for one hour only because it's quite a popular sport amongst his neighbours. lately my friend has been bringing his daughter down from his apartment to sort of goof around while we play tennis. she runs around the court, takes her father's spare racket to try to play, picks up balls to juggle etc. apart from the fact that it is dangerous (i've already accidentally hit her with a ball once, fortunately it wasn't serious), her being on the court also reduces our total playing time to around 40 minutes. essentially, i drive for 1.5 hours to play 40 minutes of tennis, when we play at my friend's place.
my friend has also started to "coach" his daughter at tennis while i am on the court, and i've had to "feed" balls to her in order to play along / be socially acceptable. i've been wondering whether to raise this issue with my friend, as i'd like to get a solid hour of tennis practice in at minimum when i travel to his place. but i am worried that i might be an ah if i do so.
| 485 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wu0epl/wibta_if_i_told_my_tennis_partner_to_stop/
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2022-08-21 14:05:05
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nta if you bring it up right to him. it's all going to be in the delivery. but realistically, no matter how you do it - he may not react well to it.
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nta. i would be really annoyed too. you should speak up and let him know that it bothers you. it just doesn’t make sense to drive 1.5 hours to play 40 mins of tennis. he should get that but apparently doesn’t so i would just politely bring it up. hopefully he will understand but if not then maybe you need to find a new tennis partner.
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nta. but be prepared for them to be offended or not have time for monthly meet ups anymore. some parents get nasty over their kids.
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op, you need to evaluate why you are still spending time with your former teammate. is it the level of play or the person? this will help determine how you proceed.
if it is all about the level of play …. you will only be frustrated, but if it is the company you may have to adjust your thinking every other month. if you continue your friendship and play you might simply think of his month as a time to help shape a new generation. this might decrease your frustration and increase your enjoyment.
friends are important and relationships evolve you have to decide how important and how much you are willing to evolve. new tennis partners can be found closer to your home base. the choice is yours.
best of luck, op.
agape💕💕
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nta- his priorities have shifted.. find a new partner
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nta, so long as you raise it in a respectful way. there must be other times when your partner can coach their daughter, and it's not wrong for you to want your full hour of practice.
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nah - if driving down to see him is purely about the tennis it's time to find another partner. i'm sure you can find someone closer than a 1.5 hour drive for that.
if it's about catching up, he has a daughter interested in the sport too. you risk suggesting you don't care about anything else about him if you tell him to keep it purely about the game.
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nta but find a new partner and a closer court.
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nah - i think you want an hour of hard practice and play with your friend. he originally did that and i guess his expectations are morphing with having kids and he sees this more as a hang out time instead of practice? idk it would bother me too if i were you.
could you maybe say i’d really like if we could play an hour just us and catch up without little ears around. then afterwards maybe you could include his daughter for a bit or get lunch?
it’s really going to be all in the delivery and phrasing.
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nah-i know you want that full hour of practice, but it’s just once a month every other month at your friend’s. 20 minutes less of practice once a month isn’t going to make a difference in your personal game. find a pro club to practice in if it’s your goal to become professional again or something of that nature. look at these 6 sessions a year as more of building up a passion for the next generation of your sport.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
| 0.006547 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i play tennis around once a month with a friend from college. we were both part of the same college team, and since then we've settled down with families. we each live in residences with shared tennis facilities, and alternate playing at his place and at my place, since we stay quite far apart from each other (1.5 hour round trip by car). when we play at his place, we have the tennis court for one hour only because it's quite a popular sport amongst his neighbours. lately my friend has been bringing his daughter down from his apartment to sort of goof around while we play tennis. she runs around the court, takes her father's spare racket to try to play, picks up balls to juggle etc. apart from the fact that it is dangerous (i've already accidentally hit her with a ball once, fortunately it wasn't serious), her being on the court also reduces our total playing time to around 40 minutes. essentially, i drive for 1.5 hours to play 40 minutes of tennis, when we play at my friend's place. my friend has also started to "coach" his daughter at tennis while i am on the court, and i've had to "feed" balls to her in order to play along / be socially acceptable. i've been wondering whether to raise this issue with my friend, as i'd like to get a solid hour of tennis practice in at minimum when i travel to his place. but i am worried that i might be an ah if i do so.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i play tennis around once a month with a friend from college. we were both part of the same college team, and since then we've settled down with families. we each live in residences with shared tennis facilities, and alternate playing at his place and at my place, since we stay quite far apart from each other (1.5 hour round trip by car). when we play at his place, we have the tennis court for one hour only because it's quite a popular sport amongst his neighbours. lately my friend has been bringing his daughter down from his apartment to sort of goof around while we play tennis. she runs around the court, takes her father's spare racket to try to play, picks up balls to juggle etc. apart from the fact that it is dangerous (i've already accidentally hit her with a ball once, fortunately it wasn't serious), her being on the court also reduces our total playing time to around 40 minutes. essentially, i drive for 1.5 hours to play 40 minutes of tennis, when we play at my friend's place. my friend has also started to "coach" his daughter at tennis while i am on the court, and i've had to "feed" balls to her in order to play along / be socially acceptable. i've been wondering whether to raise this issue with my friend, as i'd like to get a solid hour of tennis practice in at minimum when i travel to his place. but i am worried that i might be an ah if i do so. [/INST] nta if you bring it up right to him. it's all going to be in the delivery. but realistically, no matter how you do it - he may not react well to it. </s>
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AITA For Not Giving My Father The Passcode For My IPad
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i \[17m\] live primarily with my mother and usually visit my father during the school holidays, although recently i had to stay over while my mother was at a wedding. i have a half-sister \[5f\] and a half brother \[9m\] who is rude, aggressive, and a sore loser. my father bought him an xbox when he was 7 and he spends most of his time using that, although he has taken a particular interest in my ipad. my father bought me the ipad for my thirteenth birthday, but for the past year or so he has been trying to convince me to leave it at his house so my half-siblings can use it when i am not there. i don’t like this idea as i know he wants to download a bunch of kids games for my half-brother and that it will be hard if not impossible to get it back whenever i visit next. this time was no different and as i was getting ready to leave my father and i argued over the ipad and whether or not i should leave it there. he threatened to tell my grandparents to stop paying for my driving lessons if i didn’t, so i gave up and gave him the ipad.
i was on the bus back to my mother’s house when i got a message from him explaining that they were unable to actually use the ipad as i had not given them the passcode and he asked me to give it to him. i ignored him. about twenty minutes later he rang me and left a voicemail asking for the same thing. when i did return to my mother’s, i found that he had also rung the house, so i messaged him back and told him that i had reluctantly agreed to give him the ipad, but never the passcode. he and my stepmother think i am being unnecessarily petty as i can’t use it either considering it’s at their house so now nobody wins. aita here?
| 1,173 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nnz3q1/aita_for_not_giving_my_father_the_passcode_for_my/
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2021-05-29 23:45:26
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nta. why are parents so hell-bent on younger siblings having access to everything that belongs to older siblings? it's maddening, and it spoils the children. older kids are entitled to have their own things without sharing. jeez.
i hope you can talk to your mom about this. and from now on, leave the ipad at your mom's.
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nta. this is your ipad. i’d speak to your grandparents though. and your dad might just try resetting your ipad back to factory settings.
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parent here so giving it from that perspective; nta. that is your ipad. it was given to you as a gift. you did as he asked (which was very kind of you). you left the ipad. nothing was said about giving the passcode.
if he wants his other children to have an ipad, he can go purchase them one.
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nta.
it was a gift. from years ago. demanding / taking it back is theft. threatening to call the grandparents is extortion. the fact that you are a minor / his son is irrelevant. tell your mom everything. his thread regarding your driving lessons affects her, too. if / when spermy makes the call to the grandparents and they really cancel the payments it will be your mother who would be forced to take up paying them. **if** she is able to.
ask her if she thinks you should tell the grandparents yourself what happened so spermy can't use this threat anymore.
btw, imo this is a perfect example to never use face-recognition or a fingerprint to gain access to a device. always use a real password and do not forget to clean the screen daily so they can't use the prints on the screen to try to figure out your password.
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your father doesn’t seem to understand what it means to give something as a gift. nta.
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nta. we all keep things on our personal electronic devices that are not intended for anyone else's eyes. your father needs to decide if you are your half-siblings' equal or not.
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nta, talk to your grandparents. your dad sucks.
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nta and you are old enough to decide not to go back to your dad's home for visits anymore.
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nta. it’s your ipad. i wouldn’t leave it there next time though. one of you siblings might break it. speak to you grandparents and explain the situation before your next visit so your dad can’t twist everything around.
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nta.
your level of petty is champion level. that ipad was your birthday gift from your dad. it's yours and yours only. you are absolutely right that dad intends the ipad to be for games for the kids at his house. it would stay there and when you do visit, you will never get to use it. don't ever give him the password. you should demand the ipad back since it was a gift and your dad has no right to it. he probably won't do that because he's the ah her. now he has a useless lump of tech. serves him right.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i \[17m\] live primarily with my mother and usually visit my father during the school holidays, although recently i had to stay over while my mother was at a wedding. i have a half-sister \[5f\] and a half brother \[9m\] who is rude, aggressive, and a sore loser. my father bought him an xbox when he was 7 and he spends most of his time using that, although he has taken a particular interest in my ipad. my father bought me the ipad for my thirteenth birthday, but for the past year or so he has been trying to convince me to leave it at his house so my half-siblings can use it when i am not there. i don’t like this idea as i know he wants to download a bunch of kids games for my half-brother and that it will be hard if not impossible to get it back whenever i visit next. this time was no different and as i was getting ready to leave my father and i argued over the ipad and whether or not i should leave it there. he threatened to tell my grandparents to stop paying for my driving lessons if i didn’t, so i gave up and gave him the ipad. i was on the bus back to my mother’s house when i got a message from him explaining that they were unable to actually use the ipad as i had not given them the passcode and he asked me to give it to him. i ignored him. about twenty minutes later he rang me and left a voicemail asking for the same thing. when i did return to my mother’s, i found that he had also rung the house, so i messaged him back and told him that i had reluctantly agreed to give him the ipad, but never the passcode. he and my stepmother think i am being unnecessarily petty as i can’t use it either considering it’s at their house so now nobody wins. aita here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i \[17m\] live primarily with my mother and usually visit my father during the school holidays, although recently i had to stay over while my mother was at a wedding. i have a half-sister \[5f\] and a half brother \[9m\] who is rude, aggressive, and a sore loser. my father bought him an xbox when he was 7 and he spends most of his time using that, although he has taken a particular interest in my ipad. my father bought me the ipad for my thirteenth birthday, but for the past year or so he has been trying to convince me to leave it at his house so my half-siblings can use it when i am not there. i don’t like this idea as i know he wants to download a bunch of kids games for my half-brother and that it will be hard if not impossible to get it back whenever i visit next. this time was no different and as i was getting ready to leave my father and i argued over the ipad and whether or not i should leave it there. he threatened to tell my grandparents to stop paying for my driving lessons if i didn’t, so i gave up and gave him the ipad. i was on the bus back to my mother’s house when i got a message from him explaining that they were unable to actually use the ipad as i had not given them the passcode and he asked me to give it to him. i ignored him. about twenty minutes later he rang me and left a voicemail asking for the same thing. when i did return to my mother’s, i found that he had also rung the house, so i messaged him back and told him that i had reluctantly agreed to give him the ipad, but never the passcode. he and my stepmother think i am being unnecessarily petty as i can’t use it either considering it’s at their house so now nobody wins. aita here? [/INST] nta. why are parents so hell-bent on younger siblings having access to everything that belongs to older siblings? it's maddening, and it spoils the children. older kids are entitled to have their own things without sharing. jeez. i hope you can talk to your mom about this. and from now on, leave the ipad at your mom's. </s>
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AITA for joking about making sure that my female coworker and I (a guy) would share a room when I book our hotel for our team outing?
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i’ve been working with my colleague mika for five years and we are good friends. a few years ago our team went on a weekend outing, and on the first night someone suggested that all eleven of us sleep in our cabin’s living room. i don’t know why my boss thought this was a great idea, but since he seemed enthusiastic about it, everyone went along. i was tired from our hike that afternoon and apparently i snored loudly the whole night.
most of my coworkers slept through my snoring but mika couldn’t, and she’s never let me live it down. whenever we have to stay somewhere overnight she always brings up how i snored like a wounded whale during that vacation and jokingly warns my would-be roommates about bringing ear muffs or noise cancelling headsets.
last month our team was planning our summer outing (summer is april/may where i live) and i was in charge of booking our hotel. i told mika in front of some of our coworkers that i'll make sure that she and i are staying in the same room. she laughed and said that she’ll sleep in the lobby if she has to but she will never sleep in the same room as me again because she doesn’t want to pass out the next day from sleep deprivation.
after that my coworker james approached me and told me that i shouldn’t joke about booking the same room for me and mika because it’s disrespectful to her and to my wife. i didn’t think it was a bad joke, but i didn’t want to have that conversation with james so i just told him ok.
i still think my joke wasn’t disrespectful and is appropriate given the friendly relationship i have with mika, but i want to know what you guys think.
| 1,620 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g31s0q/aita_for_joking_about_making_sure_that_my_female/
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2020-04-17 13:14:32
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nta
i definitely pre judged before reading this and was ready to say ah.
this was 100% harmless, and in no way meant in a sexual nature.
james is a "white knight," and needs to mind his own business.
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nah. james completely misunderstood the joke, but i can see how it sounded to him, and i actually think it's kinda nice that he stepped up and let you know he didn't feel it was appropriate. don't be angry with him over this - just explain what you meant, and maybe be careful in future not to make jokes in front of multiple colleagues at work that are so easily taken out of context.
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nah— he wasn’t wrong. we have to treat coworkers differently than friends and in that moment, she was a coworker and your comment looked to him like sexual harassment. he wasn’t wrong to correct you. but i believe you that you didn’t mean it as sexual harassment and that she didn’t see it that way, either. but that doesn’t make him wrong to try to keep the workplace free of the appearance of sexual harassment. even couples should avoid flirting and teasing at work. just save it for when you’re off the clock or sure you’re alone.
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nah
look, your joke wasn't disrespectful. and it would be appropriate with a friend. but "friendly" with a coworker is not the same as friendly with friends. i don't think joking about forcing a woman to share a room overnight with you against her will in a work environment is the kind of thing that will be well understood. just. think about that. think about the people who do not have context for that. james did you a favor here, because this isn't really okay in a workplace. if you have to explain why your joke is appropriate, you are going to have other people who overhear without context and assume things about you. that's not good for you or mika or your workplace in general.
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nah. he is looking from the outside in and doesn't understand the dynamic. he's being overly sensitive but it's great that he brought it directly to your attention instead of gossiping about it behind your back.
you may want to check in with mika about it though, just to make sure you didn't make her feel uncomfortable. it doesn't sound like you did, but checking in can't hurt.
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nah
the one thing i'd say would be if you made that joke in front of people who didn't know the back story, make sure the back story is clear. that the joke is about snoring, not about you trying to sleep with her. one is "funny" and one is creepy.
but it sounds like that became clear after mika's response, so i'd say you're in the clear.
i can't blame james for suggesting you err on the side of caution. so i can't call him the asshole either though. from reading your post, it doesn't sound he made a huge deal out of it, just made a comment. if my impression is wrong, i'd possibly change my vote.
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nah especially mika who provided excellent context with her never again comment which basically said 'been there, done that, never again, was funny, we still friends, all good'
you should room with james and then he will ruefully be in on the joke. :-)
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nah it wasn't a great joke, but if you and mika have that kind of relationship i don't think there's any harm done. just make sure you don't take the joke too far in a work environment so that she doesn't feel uncomfortable. in terms of disrespecting your wife, i'm sure you know her better than he does. the joke wasn't about sleeping together, it was about your snoring anyway.
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nah it sounds like he was trying to be helpful and based on the title alone i would have assumed you were a total ah. obviously there are extenuating conditions that make the joke harmless but it can be rough for women and sometimes they are the only ones who face backlash on these sorts of jokes so i don't think james is at all an ah for saying something to you.
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NTA
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NAH
| null |
NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’ve been working with my colleague mika for five years and we are good friends. a few years ago our team went on a weekend outing, and on the first night someone suggested that all eleven of us sleep in our cabin’s living room. i don’t know why my boss thought this was a great idea, but since he seemed enthusiastic about it, everyone went along. i was tired from our hike that afternoon and apparently i snored loudly the whole night. most of my coworkers slept through my snoring but mika couldn’t, and she’s never let me live it down. whenever we have to stay somewhere overnight she always brings up how i snored like a wounded whale during that vacation and jokingly warns my would-be roommates about bringing ear muffs or noise cancelling headsets. last month our team was planning our summer outing (summer is april/may where i live) and i was in charge of booking our hotel. i told mika in front of some of our coworkers that i'll make sure that she and i are staying in the same room. she laughed and said that she’ll sleep in the lobby if she has to but she will never sleep in the same room as me again because she doesn’t want to pass out the next day from sleep deprivation. after that my coworker james approached me and told me that i shouldn’t joke about booking the same room for me and mika because it’s disrespectful to her and to my wife. i didn’t think it was a bad joke, but i didn’t want to have that conversation with james so i just told him ok. i still think my joke wasn’t disrespectful and is appropriate given the friendly relationship i have with mika, but i want to know what you guys think.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’ve been working with my colleague mika for five years and we are good friends. a few years ago our team went on a weekend outing, and on the first night someone suggested that all eleven of us sleep in our cabin’s living room. i don’t know why my boss thought this was a great idea, but since he seemed enthusiastic about it, everyone went along. i was tired from our hike that afternoon and apparently i snored loudly the whole night. most of my coworkers slept through my snoring but mika couldn’t, and she’s never let me live it down. whenever we have to stay somewhere overnight she always brings up how i snored like a wounded whale during that vacation and jokingly warns my would-be roommates about bringing ear muffs or noise cancelling headsets. last month our team was planning our summer outing (summer is april/may where i live) and i was in charge of booking our hotel. i told mika in front of some of our coworkers that i'll make sure that she and i are staying in the same room. she laughed and said that she’ll sleep in the lobby if she has to but she will never sleep in the same room as me again because she doesn’t want to pass out the next day from sleep deprivation. after that my coworker james approached me and told me that i shouldn’t joke about booking the same room for me and mika because it’s disrespectful to her and to my wife. i didn’t think it was a bad joke, but i didn’t want to have that conversation with james so i just told him ok. i still think my joke wasn’t disrespectful and is appropriate given the friendly relationship i have with mika, but i want to know what you guys think. [/INST] nta i definitely pre judged before reading this and was ready to say ah. this was 100% harmless, and in no way meant in a sexual nature. james is a "white knight," and needs to mind his own business. </s>
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AITA for saying maybe my friends parents should die?
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throwaway account. i (25f) lost both my parents within the last two years, less than a year apart from each other. i am an only child, with no partner or kids. recently it was my mother’s two year anniversary. a few friends reached out to me but one of my closest friends didn’t. i spoke to her the next day to see how she was because she had recently had a minor injury (dislocated toe). we spoke for a bit and she asked how i had been and i said pretty rough because it had recently been both dads and mums anniversaries, with my mums been the most recent. she didn’t ask anything about it or give support either way. she started talking about her own issues & then asked me after a while if many friends had reached out to me about mums anniversary. i said a few close friends but not too many, but didn’t think much about it. she then said people didn’t reach out because they feel as if i should’ve moved on by now seeing as it’s the two year anniversary for my mum. i asked her what she meant and she said that by this point in time, most people would have grieved and moved on, and less people were interested now that it’s been longer. i was taken aback, because i’ve been there for her a lot recently. i said to her that it had only been two years since my mum died and just over a year since my dad died, so it’s still fresh in terms of grief. and she said that anyone would be better at dealing with it than me, and that i’m just talking about it now due to sympathy. the only time i’ve posted about them within the last year was on both of their birthdays and for their recent anniversaries. i then said to her that i feel like that’s an awful thing to say, and that if she hadn’t gone through it herself, she didn’t get to say how other people should feel. she said that she knew for a fact she would deal better than i would, and that she thinks i should stop speaking about it now because i’m just milking my grief for attention. i got annoyed and said to her, maybe your parents can die less than a year apart, then you can let me know how you feel. i understand this probably wasn’t the best thing to say, but i was so angry. she then went off at me and blocked me, and told all our friends that i told her that i hoped her parents died (which i didn’t). i’ve spoken to a few friends and all of the ones i’ve spoken to are on my side, except for two of our mutual friends who think i should’ve agreed with her and left it.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u3byvx/aita_for_saying_maybe_my_friends_parents_should/
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2022-04-14 07:47:45
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nta. jesus christ, what a cruel thing to say someone who’s grieving.
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nta!!! i'm so sorry that you lost both your parents in such a short amount of time. i lost my mom ten years ago and anniversaries still hit so hard. i don't think it's a loss that you ever just "move on" from, although it does get much easier with time.
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so, she is clearly not your friend.
grief is not something that you do for a while and that's over.
she was being a shitty friend and you responded accordingly. nta.
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what the fuck. nta. i'd be glad she blocked me, if i were you those would have been friendship ending words, and i'd be tempted to blast the friends who say "agree and move on!"
my dad died when i was very young, but i was an only child with no so or kids when my mom died about 2 years ago. i'm 29. she was the only person in my life i knew i could always count on. she and i were very close. i'm tearing up right now!! who tf did that "friend" think she is? "you lost both your parents in the last 2 years, but your mom died 2 years ago and your dad like 1 year, so stop milking it." even for an instance of not losing them both so close together, that kind of thing takes years!
your so called friend is disgusting and narcissistic. the friends who didn't take your side are also pretty sketchy. iiiiick.
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holy shit. i am so sorry. you are nta. no one, and, honey, i mean **no one,** gets to tell others how to grieve.
i am so sorry for your loss.
my father died when i was 15 and my mother died one month later. even at such a young age, my friends were smart enough to not put a meter on my grief. this was freaking *decades* ago and sometimes *even* today i can be suddenly hit by a wave of grief in the middle of some other activity. grief has no schedule. give yourself a mental hug and sit down and let it happen. it is ok.
sad to say but you have to let this so-called friend of yours go. no need to explain shit to her. she imagines things in a tv show way. that is detrimental to you both.
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nta, she sounds straight up evil. you need to stop being her friend, she's not a friend.
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nta - my mom died twenty years ago and it still hits me like a sack of bricks some days. that person is going to be very, very alone some day.
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nta
friend clearly has never had a death in the family, much less their parents. they seem to think grief is just being a bit down for a bit then business as usual. in reality that kind of thing never leaves you and i doubt theyll truly understand until something similar happens to them, as blunt as you were about it nonwithstanding.
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she sounds rather mean. there is no timeline on grief. people mourn loved ones, people and animals, for the rest of their lives if they were close. maybe you need to close the book on the less empathetic “friends” in your life.
also, it’s random, but i got the confused look regarding “dislocated toe”. i’ll have to see if that’s real. i know i broke my big toe. i don’t think i told anyone about it & i certainly didn’t have friends come visit me regarding my broken toe. perhaps she’s the one milking it.
i know i didn’t give a yta or nta right off the bat. you wisely made the subject line sound worse, lol. you basically said iirc, have both your parents die within a year of each and then get back to me. you didn’t say you hoped they died or i’m putting a hex on your family or anything crazy. plus she might have siblings. more family than you do.
you are nta. she is.
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nta
she's in the wrong as she treated you like crap and lied about what you have told. you should get screenshots and show them to your friends
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway account. i (25f) lost both my parents within the last two years, less than a year apart from each other. i am an only child, with no partner or kids. recently it was my mother’s two year anniversary. a few friends reached out to me but one of my closest friends didn’t. i spoke to her the next day to see how she was because she had recently had a minor injury (dislocated toe). we spoke for a bit and she asked how i had been and i said pretty rough because it had recently been both dads and mums anniversaries, with my mums been the most recent. she didn’t ask anything about it or give support either way. she started talking about her own issues & then asked me after a while if many friends had reached out to me about mums anniversary. i said a few close friends but not too many, but didn’t think much about it. she then said people didn’t reach out because they feel as if i should’ve moved on by now seeing as it’s the two year anniversary for my mum. i asked her what she meant and she said that by this point in time, most people would have grieved and moved on, and less people were interested now that it’s been longer. i was taken aback, because i’ve been there for her a lot recently. i said to her that it had only been two years since my mum died and just over a year since my dad died, so it’s still fresh in terms of grief. and she said that anyone would be better at dealing with it than me, and that i’m just talking about it now due to sympathy. the only time i’ve posted about them within the last year was on both of their birthdays and for their recent anniversaries. i then said to her that i feel like that’s an awful thing to say, and that if she hadn’t gone through it herself, she didn’t get to say how other people should feel. she said that she knew for a fact she would deal better than i would, and that she thinks i should stop speaking about it now because i’m just milking my grief for attention. i got annoyed and said to her, maybe your parents can die less than a year apart, then you can let me know how you feel. i understand this probably wasn’t the best thing to say, but i was so angry. she then went off at me and blocked me, and told all our friends that i told her that i hoped her parents died (which i didn’t). i’ve spoken to a few friends and all of the ones i’ve spoken to are on my side, except for two of our mutual friends who think i should’ve agreed with her and left it.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account. i (25f) lost both my parents within the last two years, less than a year apart from each other. i am an only child, with no partner or kids. recently it was my mother’s two year anniversary. a few friends reached out to me but one of my closest friends didn’t. i spoke to her the next day to see how she was because she had recently had a minor injury (dislocated toe). we spoke for a bit and she asked how i had been and i said pretty rough because it had recently been both dads and mums anniversaries, with my mums been the most recent. she didn’t ask anything about it or give support either way. she started talking about her own issues & then asked me after a while if many friends had reached out to me about mums anniversary. i said a few close friends but not too many, but didn’t think much about it. she then said people didn’t reach out because they feel as if i should’ve moved on by now seeing as it’s the two year anniversary for my mum. i asked her what she meant and she said that by this point in time, most people would have grieved and moved on, and less people were interested now that it’s been longer. i was taken aback, because i’ve been there for her a lot recently. i said to her that it had only been two years since my mum died and just over a year since my dad died, so it’s still fresh in terms of grief. and she said that anyone would be better at dealing with it than me, and that i’m just talking about it now due to sympathy. the only time i’ve posted about them within the last year was on both of their birthdays and for their recent anniversaries. i then said to her that i feel like that’s an awful thing to say, and that if she hadn’t gone through it herself, she didn’t get to say how other people should feel. she said that she knew for a fact she would deal better than i would, and that she thinks i should stop speaking about it now because i’m just milking my grief for attention. i got annoyed and said to her, maybe your parents can die less than a year apart, then you can let me know how you feel. i understand this probably wasn’t the best thing to say, but i was so angry. she then went off at me and blocked me, and told all our friends that i told her that i hoped her parents died (which i didn’t). i’ve spoken to a few friends and all of the ones i’ve spoken to are on my side, except for two of our mutual friends who think i should’ve agreed with her and left it. [/INST] nta. jesus christ, what a cruel thing to say someone who’s grieving. </s>
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AITA for wanting to be buried my own way
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i go to church every sunday with the wife and always wear my suit. i hate wearing a dress shirt and tie bc i feel i am being choked. while discussing my funeral (no, i don't plan on dying anytime soon) my wife told me she is going to bury me in my suit against my wishes. i realize that i won't actually be there for it, but i want to go out my way. hell, the mortician can fill my body up with peanut butter and tie my body to a tree and have squirrels feed out of my asshole for eternity, it really doesn't matter. i just don't want that damn shirt and tie
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/co4fwb/aita_for_wanting_to_be_buried_my_own_way/
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2019-08-09 16:06:12
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nta, donate your body to science, boom, no body to bury.
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nta write it in your will with a clause indicating no one gets shit if you go down in that monkey suit
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nta. your wife should respect your wishes - it's not like you're going to be there to stand up for yourself.
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if this is real, then i expect you are wearing the wrong size shirt. for your own comfort, try a shirt with a larger neck. if the shirt then seems baggy, look for a slim fit shirt in the larger size. this will give you a bigger neck without a noticeably larger torso.
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nah, but this is a really stupid thing to argue with your wife about.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i go to church every sunday with the wife and always wear my suit. i hate wearing a dress shirt and tie bc i feel i am being choked. while discussing my funeral (no, i don't plan on dying anytime soon) my wife told me she is going to bury me in my suit against my wishes. i realize that i won't actually be there for it, but i want to go out my way. hell, the mortician can fill my body up with peanut butter and tie my body to a tree and have squirrels feed out of my asshole for eternity, it really doesn't matter. i just don't want that damn shirt and tie
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i go to church every sunday with the wife and always wear my suit. i hate wearing a dress shirt and tie bc i feel i am being choked. while discussing my funeral (no, i don't plan on dying anytime soon) my wife told me she is going to bury me in my suit against my wishes. i realize that i won't actually be there for it, but i want to go out my way. hell, the mortician can fill my body up with peanut butter and tie my body to a tree and have squirrels feed out of my asshole for eternity, it really doesn't matter. i just don't want that damn shirt and tie [/INST] nta, donate your body to science, boom, no body to bury. </s>
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AITA for donating baby shower gifts that I told people not to bring
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my husband and i didn’t want a bunch of gifts for our baby shower. we are very much minimalists and are going heavy on gender neutral stuff(to re use for other kids). we don’t want a bunch of random stuff we may or may not use.
we put on the invitations that we are only requesting books as gifts but if anyone would still like to buy something else, it will be donated to a local charity.
i again clarified this in the facebook event page. i wasn’t rude about it. i said that while i appreciate how fun gift giving can be, we really just want to focus on our library collection and the baby is well taken care of already.
of course some people still bought non book gifts. almost everyone who bought a gift did so understanding that it would be donated. there is always one though.
i posted the donation lot on the event page the next day saying thank you and how the charity was so happy with what they were getting. the one person commented “nooo my gift was for baby a!!” i didn’t respond because i didn’t know what to say. she knew the deal.
then she messaged me asking if i really gave it away. i said yes and reminded her about the invites and post i made. and there was a sign saying donation gifts at the shower. her gift sat in the donation pile the whole time without her saying a word.
she then starts guilt tripping me about her fertility situation(that it was unaware of until that point) and financial situation.
finally she says to make it right i need to reimburse her or go get the gift back from the charity. i hadn’t given it to them yet so i said i’d just give her the gift back. after a week of us trying to coordinate a pick up time, she starts leaving me on read and never follows up.
i talk to her sister and her sister is like “oh she’s big mad. y’all aren’t friends right now”
did i do something wrong??
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ue9or8/aita_for_donating_baby_shower_gifts_that_i_told/
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2022-04-29 00:44:27
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nta
you were very open about what would happen to the non-book gifts from the get-go, and communicated it in multiple different ways.
it’s sad that your friend is experiencing fertility and financial issues…but that doesn’t change the above.
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nta
you were very clear about the situation. if this "friend" thought that her gift might be an exception for some reason she should have discussed it with you. her fertility situation has nothing to do with this at all. and if she couldn't afford the gift she shouldn't have given it in the first place.
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nta, she can’t read and her bringing up the fertility issues was straight manipulation tactic
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nta.
everyone was fully informed about what you were going to do and what you wanted re: baby shower gifts. your baby is fully taken care of, the rest (ie baby shower gifts) are icing on the cake, and you want it toward books which is smart, space-saving, and shows good priorities.
you're pregnant and have better things to be thinking about. you also don't need this drama from someone who sounds like they're trying to make your baby shower about them, somehow.
set a final day/time to give the gift back. tell her sister. and make clear, if friend wants the gift back so bad this is the last chance because your next stop will be dropping it off at the charity after which point you never want to hear about it again.
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nta. she has issues. i have seen book only showers before; it is just as much fun to shop for those.
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nta - her cheese done slid off her cracker. you were clear.
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nta you were very clear all along. just give the gift to her sister to be returned or you could still donate it (and would not be an ass).
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nta
she was fully aware of the plan.
either a.) she thought her gift was going to be so good you would make an exception for it
or
b.) just needs to paint herself as a victim to bring meaning to her life.
whichever you and your family are better off without her.
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nta she either didn't read the invitation or event page or thought her gift was so special that you couldn't give it away. you had no idea about her fertility issues and that has nothing to do with your choices for your baby.
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nta. here’s why…
op: you’re invited. please don’t do that thing though.
guest: i’m gonna do the thing!
op: no seriously, please don’t do that thing. it’s not necessary. if you do, we’re gonna do the other thing.
guest: i did the thing!
op: i did the other thing, thank you for the generous donation.
guest: whyyyyyyyyyyy???
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i didn’t want a bunch of gifts for our baby shower. we are very much minimalists and are going heavy on gender neutral stuff(to re use for other kids). we don’t want a bunch of random stuff we may or may not use. we put on the invitations that we are only requesting books as gifts but if anyone would still like to buy something else, it will be donated to a local charity. i again clarified this in the facebook event page. i wasn’t rude about it. i said that while i appreciate how fun gift giving can be, we really just want to focus on our library collection and the baby is well taken care of already. of course some people still bought non book gifts. almost everyone who bought a gift did so understanding that it would be donated. there is always one though. i posted the donation lot on the event page the next day saying thank you and how the charity was so happy with what they were getting. the one person commented “nooo my gift was for baby a!!” i didn’t respond because i didn’t know what to say. she knew the deal. then she messaged me asking if i really gave it away. i said yes and reminded her about the invites and post i made. and there was a sign saying donation gifts at the shower. her gift sat in the donation pile the whole time without her saying a word. she then starts guilt tripping me about her fertility situation(that it was unaware of until that point) and financial situation. finally she says to make it right i need to reimburse her or go get the gift back from the charity. i hadn’t given it to them yet so i said i’d just give her the gift back. after a week of us trying to coordinate a pick up time, she starts leaving me on read and never follows up. i talk to her sister and her sister is like “oh she’s big mad. y’all aren’t friends right now” did i do something wrong??
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i didn’t want a bunch of gifts for our baby shower. we are very much minimalists and are going heavy on gender neutral stuff(to re use for other kids). we don’t want a bunch of random stuff we may or may not use. we put on the invitations that we are only requesting books as gifts but if anyone would still like to buy something else, it will be donated to a local charity. i again clarified this in the facebook event page. i wasn’t rude about it. i said that while i appreciate how fun gift giving can be, we really just want to focus on our library collection and the baby is well taken care of already. of course some people still bought non book gifts. almost everyone who bought a gift did so understanding that it would be donated. there is always one though. i posted the donation lot on the event page the next day saying thank you and how the charity was so happy with what they were getting. the one person commented “nooo my gift was for baby a!!” i didn’t respond because i didn’t know what to say. she knew the deal. then she messaged me asking if i really gave it away. i said yes and reminded her about the invites and post i made. and there was a sign saying donation gifts at the shower. her gift sat in the donation pile the whole time without her saying a word. she then starts guilt tripping me about her fertility situation(that it was unaware of until that point) and financial situation. finally she says to make it right i need to reimburse her or go get the gift back from the charity. i hadn’t given it to them yet so i said i’d just give her the gift back. after a week of us trying to coordinate a pick up time, she starts leaving me on read and never follows up. i talk to her sister and her sister is like “oh she’s big mad. y’all aren’t friends right now” did i do something wrong?? [/INST] nta you were very open about what would happen to the non-book gifts from the get-go, and communicated it in multiple different ways. it’s sad that your friend is experiencing fertility and financial issues…but that doesn’t change the above. </s>
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AITA for refusing to forgive my uncle after he took a video of my mom technically dead?
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i’m writing this for both myself (34f) and my sister (21f) as this has been a huge source of contention in our family.
our mom has always had serious mental health issues which came to a head two years ago when she made an attempt on her life. she was almost successful too if my uncle (her brother), hadn’t have found her. when he did find her, he called multiple people other than 911 asking what he should do. he eventually called 911 and when the paramedics arrived, she was technically gone but he filmed them reviving her. i’m not sure why that was his instinct and he’s never given a reason. the issue with us is what happened next. while the family was at the hospital he ended up driving to my fathers house and showed him the video essentially bragging about taking it. as a side note my parents have been divorced for 20 years and aren’t friends. my father and my uncle aren’t friends either but my dad said he felt bad when my uncle called him wanting to smoke and invited him over. after my dad watched the video, he of course told all of us that it existed so we also had that hanging over our heads wondering how many people he showed it too and if he would post it on social media since he was so proud of himself. our grandmother talked to him and he truly doesn’t think he did anything wrong. my sister and i have refused to be around him since and it’s starting to become a serious issue because we avoid events when we know he is there. our grandmother thinks we just need to forgive him and move on but we truly have no desire to be around someone that does something like that. so, are we the assholes here?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i9xxl5/aita_for_refusing_to_forgive_my_uncle_after_he/
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2020-08-15 00:37:43
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nta - he almost kills her by not calling 911 first, films the emts, and that night shows the video because he thinks that makes him a hero. i don't have words to express how i feel. your family has a choice - invite the uncle or invite you and your sister. i don't know if anyone is looking into whether he committed a crime in filming without the permission of your mother and the emts. if you family wants to do the right thing, their love and support should go to your mother, your sister and you.
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nta
it sounds as though your uncle might have some mental health issues as well? proceed with caution where he is concerned.
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absolutely nta. he didn’t call 911 right away, took a video and was bragging about it. then says he hasn’t done anything wrong?? he took a video of something traumatic that happened and did not take it seriously from the looks of it. he should apologize, and delete the video.
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nta - until he shows remorse for what he did, you have no reason to forgive him.
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nta and if my uncle did that to my mom i would have probably attacked him. your being super chill in your response to his atrocious behavior
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nta. he took a video of her without her consent and of her almost dead. your uncle needs to be cut off instantly.
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nta. that is really creepy and weird, and i wouldn't blame you for not being able to get over it. especially because i'm sure this was a very traumatic incident for you, so your uncle filming it like it was entertainment must feel awful.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m writing this for both myself (34f) and my sister (21f) as this has been a huge source of contention in our family. our mom has always had serious mental health issues which came to a head two years ago when she made an attempt on her life. she was almost successful too if my uncle (her brother), hadn’t have found her. when he did find her, he called multiple people other than 911 asking what he should do. he eventually called 911 and when the paramedics arrived, she was technically gone but he filmed them reviving her. i’m not sure why that was his instinct and he’s never given a reason. the issue with us is what happened next. while the family was at the hospital he ended up driving to my fathers house and showed him the video essentially bragging about taking it. as a side note my parents have been divorced for 20 years and aren’t friends. my father and my uncle aren’t friends either but my dad said he felt bad when my uncle called him wanting to smoke and invited him over. after my dad watched the video, he of course told all of us that it existed so we also had that hanging over our heads wondering how many people he showed it too and if he would post it on social media since he was so proud of himself. our grandmother talked to him and he truly doesn’t think he did anything wrong. my sister and i have refused to be around him since and it’s starting to become a serious issue because we avoid events when we know he is there. our grandmother thinks we just need to forgive him and move on but we truly have no desire to be around someone that does something like that. so, are we the assholes here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m writing this for both myself (34f) and my sister (21f) as this has been a huge source of contention in our family. our mom has always had serious mental health issues which came to a head two years ago when she made an attempt on her life. she was almost successful too if my uncle (her brother), hadn’t have found her. when he did find her, he called multiple people other than 911 asking what he should do. he eventually called 911 and when the paramedics arrived, she was technically gone but he filmed them reviving her. i’m not sure why that was his instinct and he’s never given a reason. the issue with us is what happened next. while the family was at the hospital he ended up driving to my fathers house and showed him the video essentially bragging about taking it. as a side note my parents have been divorced for 20 years and aren’t friends. my father and my uncle aren’t friends either but my dad said he felt bad when my uncle called him wanting to smoke and invited him over. after my dad watched the video, he of course told all of us that it existed so we also had that hanging over our heads wondering how many people he showed it too and if he would post it on social media since he was so proud of himself. our grandmother talked to him and he truly doesn’t think he did anything wrong. my sister and i have refused to be around him since and it’s starting to become a serious issue because we avoid events when we know he is there. our grandmother thinks we just need to forgive him and move on but we truly have no desire to be around someone that does something like that. so, are we the assholes here? [/INST] nta - he almost kills her by not calling 911 first, films the emts, and that night shows the video because he thinks that makes him a hero. i don't have words to express how i feel. your family has a choice - invite the uncle or invite you and your sister. i don't know if anyone is looking into whether he committed a crime in filming without the permission of your mother and the emts. if you family wants to do the right thing, their love and support should go to your mother, your sister and you. </s>
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AITA for telling my roommate's parents that she's been lying about how much our rent is?
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tl;dr: roommate lied about having a job and how much our rent was to her parents by saying it was $300 more than it actually was. they ended up cutting her off because of this. i told her that she still has to pay the rent or move out.
i’ve lived with my roommate for about a year and a half now. she’s alright but we’re not really friends, just friendly. her parents send her money for the rent and she sends me her portion because i’m the one who e-transfers the landlord.
yesterday i got a message from her mom (she has my number in case of emergencies) asking me if she can be a little late with my roommate’s rent because her husband and she have been really struggling since they cut his hours at work because of covid. she tried to get in touch with my roommate but was unable to. i said of course as long as they send me the money before december. she thanked me and said she would have the $900 to me asap. that confused the hell out of me because my roommate’s rent is only $600/month. i asked her why she would send me $900 and she responded that was what my roommate had told her the rent was. i told her how much the rent actually was and she immediately called me concerned. she asked me why my roommate would lie to her. was she not getting enough hours at work? to which i responded that she didn’t even have a job nor had she ever had a job the entire time we’ve lived together. her mom went from concerned to pissed.
shortly after, i get a call from my hysterical roommate saying that because of what i said, her parents cut her off because the extra $5000 they gave her should be enough to cover a few months' rent while she gets a job. she said that it wasn’t my place to tell them and that the matter didn’t concern me. i think it does concern me because i would be the one covering her rent. after going back and forth a bit, i basically told her that she gives me the rent money before november or she finds a new place before december to which she responded that she didn’t have any money or a place to go and i said “tough shit”.
i know it seems kinda harsh to just kinda dump this ultimatum on her, especially given the fact i was prepared to help out her parents, but i don’t have any sympathy for her. like how could you con your own parents out of $5000? i don’t know, maybe i’m in the wrong and i shouldn’t have said anything. am i the asshole?
| 4,366 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ji6fu5/aita_for_telling_my_roommates_parents_that_shes/
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2020-10-26 02:23:39
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nta. if you'd gone out of your way to inform on her, maybe you'd be one of the ah's in this conflict, but you just responded honestly in a conversation about how much money was owed you.
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nta you didn't even reveal it on purpose, it came out naturally. and if her parents are paying the rent anyway, your financial arrangement is more with them than it is with her. you are also in the right to give her that time limit. if she won't work therefore can't afford the apartment, she can't live there anymore. it's absurd to expect you to help her cheat her parents.
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nta. liars always get caught out.
but i think you're going to be stuck with her for a while, even if she's not paying rent. if the lease is in only your name, you'll have to evict her, and it will take several months.
if both of you are in the lease, your best bet will be to move out when the lease is up.
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nta. you didn't go out of your way to tell them although even if you did you still wouldn't be the asshole. it came up and you told the truth the same way she should have. and good on you for not covering it, either. she made the mess and now she has to clean it up.
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nta
especially because her poor parents are in a tough spot themselves.
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nta she was scamming her own parents. how heartless do you have to be to scam your own parents like wtf?
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nta. you answered a question. i assume your roommate gave her mother your contact information, or at least *knew* that you were (or could be) communicating.
you’d be ta if you had gotten the number behind your roommates back and called her mother, with the singular intention of snitching. i’d say you’d probably still be ta if your roommate had told you about her scam, and you’d said you were on board. but you didn’t. you had no prior knowledge. you had no malicious intent. you corrected someone on cost of rent. if you *hadn’t*, you would’ve been complicit (both legally and morally). what was your alternative? take the money? keep it? give it to your roommate? let the mum give it to the landlord, and let *them* set her straight?
telling the truth was the best option - for you, for your roommates parents, heck, probably even for your roommate (gal’s gotta get a job asap or her resume is going to look *pitiful*). you didn’t ‘snitch’, you reacted with confusion and told the truth. that doesn’t make you ta.
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nta. you didnt seek them out and she was stealing from them
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nta. she is deceitful and took a risk. it didn’t work out. you were as confused by it as her parents were. she needed to be outed. what a bad persons taking advantage of her parents like that while they were struggling
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nta but your going to have a hard time paying all that rent
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: tl;dr: roommate lied about having a job and how much our rent was to her parents by saying it was $300 more than it actually was. they ended up cutting her off because of this. i told her that she still has to pay the rent or move out. i’ve lived with my roommate for about a year and a half now. she’s alright but we’re not really friends, just friendly. her parents send her money for the rent and she sends me her portion because i’m the one who e-transfers the landlord. yesterday i got a message from her mom (she has my number in case of emergencies) asking me if she can be a little late with my roommate’s rent because her husband and she have been really struggling since they cut his hours at work because of covid. she tried to get in touch with my roommate but was unable to. i said of course as long as they send me the money before december. she thanked me and said she would have the $900 to me asap. that confused the hell out of me because my roommate’s rent is only $600/month. i asked her why she would send me $900 and she responded that was what my roommate had told her the rent was. i told her how much the rent actually was and she immediately called me concerned. she asked me why my roommate would lie to her. was she not getting enough hours at work? to which i responded that she didn’t even have a job nor had she ever had a job the entire time we’ve lived together. her mom went from concerned to pissed. shortly after, i get a call from my hysterical roommate saying that because of what i said, her parents cut her off because the extra $5000 they gave her should be enough to cover a few months' rent while she gets a job. she said that it wasn’t my place to tell them and that the matter didn’t concern me. i think it does concern me because i would be the one covering her rent. after going back and forth a bit, i basically told her that she gives me the rent money before november or she finds a new place before december to which she responded that she didn’t have any money or a place to go and i said “tough shit”. i know it seems kinda harsh to just kinda dump this ultimatum on her, especially given the fact i was prepared to help out her parents, but i don’t have any sympathy for her. like how could you con your own parents out of $5000? i don’t know, maybe i’m in the wrong and i shouldn’t have said anything. am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
tl;dr: roommate lied about having a job and how much our rent was to her parents by saying it was $300 more than it actually was. they ended up cutting her off because of this. i told her that she still has to pay the rent or move out. i’ve lived with my roommate for about a year and a half now. she’s alright but we’re not really friends, just friendly. her parents send her money for the rent and she sends me her portion because i’m the one who e-transfers the landlord. yesterday i got a message from her mom (she has my number in case of emergencies) asking me if she can be a little late with my roommate’s rent because her husband and she have been really struggling since they cut his hours at work because of covid. she tried to get in touch with my roommate but was unable to. i said of course as long as they send me the money before december. she thanked me and said she would have the $900 to me asap. that confused the hell out of me because my roommate’s rent is only $600/month. i asked her why she would send me $900 and she responded that was what my roommate had told her the rent was. i told her how much the rent actually was and she immediately called me concerned. she asked me why my roommate would lie to her. was she not getting enough hours at work? to which i responded that she didn’t even have a job nor had she ever had a job the entire time we’ve lived together. her mom went from concerned to pissed. shortly after, i get a call from my hysterical roommate saying that because of what i said, her parents cut her off because the extra $5000 they gave her should be enough to cover a few months' rent while she gets a job. she said that it wasn’t my place to tell them and that the matter didn’t concern me. i think it does concern me because i would be the one covering her rent. after going back and forth a bit, i basically told her that she gives me the rent money before november or she finds a new place before december to which she responded that she didn’t have any money or a place to go and i said “tough shit”. i know it seems kinda harsh to just kinda dump this ultimatum on her, especially given the fact i was prepared to help out her parents, but i don’t have any sympathy for her. like how could you con your own parents out of $5000? i don’t know, maybe i’m in the wrong and i shouldn’t have said anything. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. if you'd gone out of your way to inform on her, maybe you'd be one of the ah's in this conflict, but you just responded honestly in a conversation about how much money was owed you. </s>
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AITA for ending a 6month relationship because of my name
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first of all, i am from asia and recently moved in america. my name isnt really common like everyone here. i met this girl and we clicked together. we've gone out and like casual boyfriend and girlfriends. the worse part of our dates is when she tries to pronounce my name or spell it. i mean, i understand it would be difficult at first because as i said my name isnt common and she just calls me 'babe' or 'baby' just to avoid saying it. this went on for months and i have been teaching her how to say it, how to spell it but it just wont work, as if she cant put it in her head how it sounds or spell. last week, i dont know what happened but i just blew off when i asked her "how do you spell my name again?" and yet she spelled it wrong... i argued with her because its been 6months that we have dated and still she cant say my name right and spell right!
i told her, how it has always bothered me and i just kept it silent because i didnt want something like that to ruin our relationship but it feels like she isnt putting any effort or she doesnt care. am i the asshole for ending the relationship?
| 324 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cb2da0/aita_for_ending_a_6month_relationship_because_of/
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2019-07-09 15:30:15
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nta. if you can’t learn a name in 6 months you’re not making enough effort.
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nta. it’s your name ! she should be able to spell/pronounce it. i can imagine how that’s very annoying.
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info: do you know literally anyone in your new country who doesn’t speak your native language yet can pronounce your name correctly?
foreign sounds are legitimately hard for people. our brains are wired from an early age to basically not be able to even *recognize* sounds that aren’t used in our native language(s).
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nta. barring some type of learning disability, the only reason she hasn’t learned how to say and spell your name correctly at this point is because she isn’t making it a priority. i would feel really disrespected if this was happening to me, and i don’t blame you for leaving.
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as someone who also has an unusual name that gets mispronounced or even changed into different names all the time, i'd say nta. having to correct people a few times, sure. having to correct people you don't see a lot or aren't close to a lot of times, sure. but someone you're dating? 6 months is more than enough time to give them to get it right.
there comes point where it is just absurd that she hasn't learned to say or even spell your name. and after 6 months that just looks like she didn't care enough to get it right.
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info: is your name from a tonal language, and are you trying to get her to pronounce it with the tones?
the reason i ask this is because, for people who didn't grow up speaking a tonal language, getting adequately precise on the tones can be *literally* impossible (depending on the person) because they don't hear tone the same way you do. some people can, of course--plenty of people learn cantonese or vietnamese or other tonal languages as adults--but a decent-sized fraction of the population simply cannot hear it in the same way that a certain fraction of the population who grew up speaking certain asian languages will never be able to hear the difference between the english "law" and "raw". as an example, i had a friend whose name pronunciation was (to the best of my ability to put into characters available on my keyboard) "rŏ", and it took me the better part of two years *with routine practice* to get it perfect.
all this said, i think it's a perfectly valid requirement to have for an so that they be able to pronounce your name, no matter how difficult it is to pronounce (i.e. you are not the asshole for wanting your partner to be able to say and spell your name correctly). it just might narrow your range of dating possibilities in the future if your name contains highly unusual sounds (i.e. she might not be the asshole, and you might be the asshole *if* you are mean or cruel about an arbitrary future date's inability to get the sounds precisely right).
---
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info first off, i think this really helps if you tell us what your name, or at least what the origin of your name is. i'd say it's more inexcusable to not be able to pronounce your name as an english-speaker if it's nepal vs china.
i'm also interested if when you say she can't say your name, does she just give up saying it halfway or are you just upset she's pronouncing it incorrectly? is she making a genuine effort to pronounce it and just can't? or is she not even trying.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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INFO
| null | null | null | 0.090895 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: first of all, i am from asia and recently moved in america. my name isnt really common like everyone here. i met this girl and we clicked together. we've gone out and like casual boyfriend and girlfriends. the worse part of our dates is when she tries to pronounce my name or spell it. i mean, i understand it would be difficult at first because as i said my name isnt common and she just calls me 'babe' or 'baby' just to avoid saying it. this went on for months and i have been teaching her how to say it, how to spell it but it just wont work, as if she cant put it in her head how it sounds or spell. last week, i dont know what happened but i just blew off when i asked her "how do you spell my name again?" and yet she spelled it wrong... i argued with her because its been 6months that we have dated and still she cant say my name right and spell right! i told her, how it has always bothered me and i just kept it silent because i didnt want something like that to ruin our relationship but it feels like she isnt putting any effort or she doesnt care. am i the asshole for ending the relationship?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
first of all, i am from asia and recently moved in america. my name isnt really common like everyone here. i met this girl and we clicked together. we've gone out and like casual boyfriend and girlfriends. the worse part of our dates is when she tries to pronounce my name or spell it. i mean, i understand it would be difficult at first because as i said my name isnt common and she just calls me 'babe' or 'baby' just to avoid saying it. this went on for months and i have been teaching her how to say it, how to spell it but it just wont work, as if she cant put it in her head how it sounds or spell. last week, i dont know what happened but i just blew off when i asked her "how do you spell my name again?" and yet she spelled it wrong... i argued with her because its been 6months that we have dated and still she cant say my name right and spell right! i told her, how it has always bothered me and i just kept it silent because i didnt want something like that to ruin our relationship but it feels like she isnt putting any effort or she doesnt care. am i the asshole for ending the relationship? [/INST] nta. if you can’t learn a name in 6 months you’re not making enough effort. </s>
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AITA for being frustrated with my two day old daughter?
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wife and i are currently in the hospital, she's recovering from a c section surgery and we've welcomed our third child into the world. she's a beautiful healthy baby girl who, of course, requires near constant care. i haven't left my wife's side since we arrived two days ago, except for about an hour or so when i went for a walk. i jump up and help the moment i hear the baby fuss. my wife can't do much as she recovers so i'm really trying to step up my game for her. then at about 545 am after getting a total of 45 minutes sleep baby starts going again. wife has had a few hours of sleep as she works through the meds. baby is very gassy and needs a lot of walking and burping. walking over to pick her up i deep sigh and say i'm getting frustrated, not in an angry way, just in a tired and defeated way. she got very upset at me, saying how i shouldn't get so frustrated and i'm not being a good dad. i told her she should cut me some slack, that i've been here helping my absolute best. she has since called me an asshole, said to stop talking to her and is threatening to change our post hospital plans. i'm trying to be very patient but i'm also struggling with some recent mental health issues of my own. now even though we're arguing, i'm still doing the baby tasks just the same and haven't left. i've gotten her everything she's asked, taken care of 90% of diapers and post-feeding burps, and been as sweet as possible to her (saying how proud i am and what a great mother she is ... all very true, but she doesn't reciprocate). i think i've earned a bit of slack and patience from her? she thinks i should keep my deep sighs and comments of frustration to myself, and has straight up called me an asshole for getting frustrated, once.
aita?
| 611 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/estcud/aita_for_being_frustrated_with_my_two_day_old/
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2020-01-23 13:49:09
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yta. she has just had major surgery, her hormones are in hyperdrive and you're complaining that she's not blowing smoke up your butt for doing bare minimum parenting whilst she is recovering from major surgery.
eta needed to fix the spelling
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you’re not “stepping up your game for her.” you’re doing it because you decided to have a baby, you know?
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nah for being frustrated, but yta for treating it like you're doing your wife some grand favor. it's your baby too dude.
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>i should keep my deep sighs and comments of frustration to myself
you probably should. you can feel tired and defeated, you should be cognizant of who you vent to about those feelings. your wife who is recovering from surgery is not the person to vent to or release those feelings around, because she is similarly overwhelmed and probably very stressed about not being able to care for the baby more.
>i'm really trying to step up my game for her
then step up the emotional aspects of your support too. the sighing or expressions of frustration are likely increasing your wife's tension and stress.
>i think i've earned a bit of slack and patience from her?
not so much, no. you're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing here. doing less than this would be crappy, & you don't get a gold star for being a partner and parent. do take time for yourself, because caretaker fatigue is real, and babies are stressful. but not having time for yourself is not an excuse to ooze negativity or frustration in this situation.
nah yet, but you're approaching being ta.
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"i'm still doing the baby tasks and haven't left"
jesus christ do you want a cookie for not abandoning your child and wife?
you're not the asshole for being frustrated or sleepy or tired or exhausted but you need to reevaluate how you're approaching this whole taking care of baby thing. you're not helping out, you're being a parent and a partner to your spouse.
nah i guess
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kinda yta. your wife just pushed another human out of her body, probably wishes she wasn’t so incapacitated so she could do more, and as you stated is medicated. and hormonal. this is one instance where you do need to do more than her. that may involve extra patience for both baby and momma. i know you’re sleep deprived and doing your best but right now she’s got a tad more on her plate. she needs more sleep than you, she’s healing. it’s not a competition. support your wife, don’t get your panties in a bunch over this. and congrats on your new addition!!
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yta! you’re getting pissy and worried about yourself for caring for your 2 day old baby? what the fuck?
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yta. holy shit dude. she's two days old. your wife is in recovery from major surgery. grow up.
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yta, not for being frustrated but for who you vented to and when. your wife is recovering from major surgery. instead of sulking and huffing around her, wait til you get out in the hall or text one of your friends. you don't 'vent' to people who are in more pain or are being affected more deeply by something than you, just as a common courtesy.
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yta
i think this is a great example of the ring theory of support. imagine of bunch of concentric circles. your wife is at the very middle of it because she is the most affected. as her husband and the father, you're the next circle out, and so on. when something major happens, support should go in but not out. your wife is the one that just carried a baby for 9 months and had a major surgery at the end - all support should be going in to her and she shouldn't be expected to provide support out (at least not 2 days after the event). if you want to vent, then go to your parents or siblings or friends - but not your wife.
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YTA
| null |
NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.246103 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: wife and i are currently in the hospital, she's recovering from a c section surgery and we've welcomed our third child into the world. she's a beautiful healthy baby girl who, of course, requires near constant care. i haven't left my wife's side since we arrived two days ago, except for about an hour or so when i went for a walk. i jump up and help the moment i hear the baby fuss. my wife can't do much as she recovers so i'm really trying to step up my game for her. then at about 545 am after getting a total of 45 minutes sleep baby starts going again. wife has had a few hours of sleep as she works through the meds. baby is very gassy and needs a lot of walking and burping. walking over to pick her up i deep sigh and say i'm getting frustrated, not in an angry way, just in a tired and defeated way. she got very upset at me, saying how i shouldn't get so frustrated and i'm not being a good dad. i told her she should cut me some slack, that i've been here helping my absolute best. she has since called me an asshole, said to stop talking to her and is threatening to change our post hospital plans. i'm trying to be very patient but i'm also struggling with some recent mental health issues of my own. now even though we're arguing, i'm still doing the baby tasks just the same and haven't left. i've gotten her everything she's asked, taken care of 90% of diapers and post-feeding burps, and been as sweet as possible to her (saying how proud i am and what a great mother she is ... all very true, but she doesn't reciprocate). i think i've earned a bit of slack and patience from her? she thinks i should keep my deep sighs and comments of frustration to myself, and has straight up called me an asshole for getting frustrated, once. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
wife and i are currently in the hospital, she's recovering from a c section surgery and we've welcomed our third child into the world. she's a beautiful healthy baby girl who, of course, requires near constant care. i haven't left my wife's side since we arrived two days ago, except for about an hour or so when i went for a walk. i jump up and help the moment i hear the baby fuss. my wife can't do much as she recovers so i'm really trying to step up my game for her. then at about 545 am after getting a total of 45 minutes sleep baby starts going again. wife has had a few hours of sleep as she works through the meds. baby is very gassy and needs a lot of walking and burping. walking over to pick her up i deep sigh and say i'm getting frustrated, not in an angry way, just in a tired and defeated way. she got very upset at me, saying how i shouldn't get so frustrated and i'm not being a good dad. i told her she should cut me some slack, that i've been here helping my absolute best. she has since called me an asshole, said to stop talking to her and is threatening to change our post hospital plans. i'm trying to be very patient but i'm also struggling with some recent mental health issues of my own. now even though we're arguing, i'm still doing the baby tasks just the same and haven't left. i've gotten her everything she's asked, taken care of 90% of diapers and post-feeding burps, and been as sweet as possible to her (saying how proud i am and what a great mother she is ... all very true, but she doesn't reciprocate). i think i've earned a bit of slack and patience from her? she thinks i should keep my deep sighs and comments of frustration to myself, and has straight up called me an asshole for getting frustrated, once. aita? [/INST] yta. she has just had major surgery, her hormones are in hyperdrive and you're complaining that she's not blowing smoke up your butt for doing bare minimum parenting whilst she is recovering from major surgery. eta needed to fix the spelling </s>
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AITA for getting angry with my parents for "stealing" student loans?
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i'm a student, and have been for three years now. when my student loans come in, there is generally a refund amount of a few thousand dollars, plus my school gives out a "stipend". i never see a dime of this. i brought it up during a family gathering the other day and everyone blew up at me and said i was being ungrateful, that it's not my money, etc etc. i guess i'm just kind of confused, because it seems as though if it's my loan, i should get the refund amount from it?
for background, my parents are extremely shady. they like to do whatever they can for extra money, bordering on illegal, but never quite crossing the line. they're not poor, they both make over $90,000 a year, but they love to give the illusion of wealth, so they're drowning in debt and scrambling for any pennies they can get. very bad money management, essentially.
| 167 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hlabv7/aita_for_getting_angry_with_my_parents_for/
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2020-07-04 20:43:22
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nta. it’s your loan, so naturally, it’s your refund. there’s no reason for you to put stealing in quotation marks, because that’s what they’re literally doing.
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if you’re over 18 and the loan is in your name you should be finding a lawyer and not asking reddit. nta.
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nta - if it's your loan, wouldn't you get an accounting of any refunds? maybe you can check into this and report the refund money missing to the school or loan holder.
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nta. get your own bank account at a separate bank and see if your loan refund can be direct deposited. they are stealing your loan
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nta and yes, you should have seen some money from all of it.
i wish you the best t\_t
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wrong subreddit. go to r/legaladvice
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm a student, and have been for three years now. when my student loans come in, there is generally a refund amount of a few thousand dollars, plus my school gives out a "stipend". i never see a dime of this. i brought it up during a family gathering the other day and everyone blew up at me and said i was being ungrateful, that it's not my money, etc etc. i guess i'm just kind of confused, because it seems as though if it's my loan, i should get the refund amount from it? for background, my parents are extremely shady. they like to do whatever they can for extra money, bordering on illegal, but never quite crossing the line. they're not poor, they both make over $90,000 a year, but they love to give the illusion of wealth, so they're drowning in debt and scrambling for any pennies they can get. very bad money management, essentially.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm a student, and have been for three years now. when my student loans come in, there is generally a refund amount of a few thousand dollars, plus my school gives out a "stipend". i never see a dime of this. i brought it up during a family gathering the other day and everyone blew up at me and said i was being ungrateful, that it's not my money, etc etc. i guess i'm just kind of confused, because it seems as though if it's my loan, i should get the refund amount from it? for background, my parents are extremely shady. they like to do whatever they can for extra money, bordering on illegal, but never quite crossing the line. they're not poor, they both make over $90,000 a year, but they love to give the illusion of wealth, so they're drowning in debt and scrambling for any pennies they can get. very bad money management, essentially. [/INST] nta. it’s your loan, so naturally, it’s your refund. there’s no reason for you to put stealing in quotation marks, because that’s what they’re literally doing. </s>
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AITA for refusing to talk to my mom after she gave my stepsister my wedding fund?
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my stepsister was going to get married this summer but due to covid she had to postpone. unfortunately, she ended up losing a lot of her deposits and now her budget is less than half of what it used to be. she also has to buy a new dress/bridesmaids’ outfits because she’s now decided to have a winter wedding instead. i am also engaged but we’re still in the early stages of planning and recently decided to try to figure out what our potential budget would look like.
my mom and stepdad have saved wedding funds for each of us which are $10k each. this is money we’ve always known we’d receive for our weddings and my siblings have already all received theirs.
i was facetiming my mom and she asked me about the wedding planning, and i mentioned that my fiancé and i had opened a separate bank account for our wedding funds. i asked her if she could directly transfer the wedding fund into it when she was free, and she started acting weird and avoided the question and changed the subject. i got upset and asked her again and she told me that they couldn’t help with the wedding. i asked her what she meant, and she admitted my stepdad had given the money to my stepsister. i asked her why he would do that, and she mentioned how my stepsister had lost so much of her original budget due to the pandemic and she would have to dramatically downsize her wedding. she came to them and begged to have my wedding fund and my stepdad agreed, as my stepsister and her fiancé both work low paying jobs and wouldn’t be able to save the money up themselves in time. my stepdad’s justification is that my fiancé comes from a “filthy rich” (his words) family and that his family could make up the difference for what they would no longer be contributing. apparently, he made a nasty joke about how fiancé’s dad was going to throw money at our wedding anyways and that maybe they should ask him to pay for stepsister’s too.
i was upset and so i ended the call. my mom has been calling me nonstop since and has even asked my other sister to call me and tell me to answer her calls. when i told my sister what happened she was angry but not surprised because my stepdad has done similar things in the past (e.g. given part of my college fund to this same stepsister because she wasted her monthly allowance partying).
my mom and stepdad have also sent me texts telling i have no right to be upset over what they chose to do with their money. my stepdad even said that since i’m so petty he’s glad he never gave me a cent for my wedding.
the more i calm down, i’m starting to wonder if i am being a childish asshole. it’s not like i’ve booked anything yet and now will have to change plans. my dad also contributed to my sister’s wedding and i’m sure he’ll offer to do the same for me. but then the other part of me wonders if had it been my stepbrother’s wedding fund would my stepdad be so quick to give it to my stepsister.
aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ibha5o/aita_for_refusing_to_talk_to_my_mom_after_she/
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2020-08-17 16:23:07
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nta. it sucks that your sister's wedding didn't work out as planned, but it's not fair to punish you to make it "even". you were promised 10k towards your wedding and the gift is being stolen from you in the same way your college fund was stolen.
she doesn't have to buy new dresses. she could wait until next summer or ask her wedding party to find a mutual color in their closets. she's wasting money that she shouldn't have in the first place.
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nta!
those ‘jokes’ your stepdad was making are disgusting and you’re absolutely right that he definitely wouldn’t have given his son’s fund to his daughter. lets say your future in law’s decide not to contribute to your wedding, then what? your mom is an ah for not telling your stepdad no when he gave your fund away, that’s partly her money too! also, they never should’ve told you about the wedding fund if they didn’t plan to follow through.
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nta. you've learned, quite starkly, that your mother is more interested in keeping her husband happy than in protecting your interests. that's a jarring thing to learn, even if you're in a situation that it will not drastically damage your financial future.
being upset sounds entirely reasonable to me, and wanting your mother, at least, to acknowledge the hurt that you feel is also understandable.
if you think you can have a productive conversation with her about it-- if you think she can respond in a validating, non-defensive way to something like "mom, if you had talked to me about this in advance, i would have at least known you cared what i thought. but you didn't; you valued my stepsister and stepfather's feelings over mine, and that really hurts" --maybe reach out and have that conversation with her.
if you think your mother is just going to defend her actions and the stepfather's and deny that you should have any feelings on the matter whatsoever, do not engage with her.
and do not engage with your stepfather on this or any other matter for as long as he is exerting pressure like this over how your mother spends her money. big red flag to my mind.
(
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i'm gonna say nta
you were basically promised this money, all your other siblings were given this money, so your parents taking this money back - while within there rights - without even talking to you first, was definitely a dick move
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nta
this sucks on so many levels. i hate that your stepdad gaslighted you and almost immediately blamed you for his shitty behavior to defend his actions.
would you consider not inviting them (or at least your stepdad and stepsister) to your wedding that they clearly have little value for?
&#x200b;
i almost feel sorry for your mom who seems to be stuck between a rock and a hard place, but you’ve pointed out that your step family has a long history of pulling this kind of shit and it’s very ah-y that she hasn’t stood up for you guys and let this happen to her own kids.
i hope you’ll post an update after you’ve had an amazing wedding. congratulations on your engagement.
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nta
your stepdad is technically correct, you aren’t legally entitled to that money.
you were however, morally entitled to that money and stepdad can fuck off along with the horse he rode in on.
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nta...cut her out of your life like the cancer she and her husband are... nc and walk away, that’s some callous behavior on step dads part. hopefully karma catches up to him in a drastic and life altering manner...
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nta
what happened here is reprehensible. it's not as though you went begging with your hand out, you been promised throughout your life time that this money would be available for your wedding. all of your other siblings and step siblings have received the same. your stepfather is absolutely out of his mind to somehow consider you entitled.
quite frankly i would reach out directly to your mother one last time to explain to her in a painful, stark terms how this decision means that not only will she not be invited to your wedding but that she will not be a part of your life moving forward nor part of the lives of any children you may have in the future. this is absolutely grounds for cutting her out of your life for good. she is made this decision to stand by her horrible husband at your expense. she's going to have to own that period
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nta. they were open about giving the same amount to each kid and did so, to all but you. you are penalized because you are not replanning your wedding. why on earth does she have to buy a new dress and bridemaid's dresses just because the season changed? add a jacket or wrap, and ready for cooler temps. really a horrible waste of money. can you say entitled? i mean your stepsister. she should not have lost her deposits, they should transfer to a new date as long as she postponed the wedding. if she told all her vendors it was cancelled that is different and she would lose the deposits. i am going thru this myself, dd was to get married in july, postponed to october, we had to postpone again to next summer. fiance is in service and cannot get leave to come home, plus out of the country (so who knows about travel), so no groom, no wedding can happen. not one vendor has given us any issue. so they just picked a new date, and all deposits go to new date/time, have not lost one dime. i find it hard to believe she lost all that money, i'd be skeptical on that. your stepdad is an ass, and obviously would favor his daughter over you any day, but it was an agreed upon plan and that is just not cool.
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nta but your stepsister is for asking, your stepfather is for giving it, and your mother is for allowing it. on the bright side, since they aren't contributing to your wedding, they aren't allowed any input for the plans. definitely don't invite your stepfather or stepsister to the wedding. personally, i wouldn't allow the mom either.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my stepsister was going to get married this summer but due to covid she had to postpone. unfortunately, she ended up losing a lot of her deposits and now her budget is less than half of what it used to be. she also has to buy a new dress/bridesmaids’ outfits because she’s now decided to have a winter wedding instead. i am also engaged but we’re still in the early stages of planning and recently decided to try to figure out what our potential budget would look like. my mom and stepdad have saved wedding funds for each of us which are $10k each. this is money we’ve always known we’d receive for our weddings and my siblings have already all received theirs. i was facetiming my mom and she asked me about the wedding planning, and i mentioned that my fiancé and i had opened a separate bank account for our wedding funds. i asked her if she could directly transfer the wedding fund into it when she was free, and she started acting weird and avoided the question and changed the subject. i got upset and asked her again and she told me that they couldn’t help with the wedding. i asked her what she meant, and she admitted my stepdad had given the money to my stepsister. i asked her why he would do that, and she mentioned how my stepsister had lost so much of her original budget due to the pandemic and she would have to dramatically downsize her wedding. she came to them and begged to have my wedding fund and my stepdad agreed, as my stepsister and her fiancé both work low paying jobs and wouldn’t be able to save the money up themselves in time. my stepdad’s justification is that my fiancé comes from a “filthy rich” (his words) family and that his family could make up the difference for what they would no longer be contributing. apparently, he made a nasty joke about how fiancé’s dad was going to throw money at our wedding anyways and that maybe they should ask him to pay for stepsister’s too. i was upset and so i ended the call. my mom has been calling me nonstop since and has even asked my other sister to call me and tell me to answer her calls. when i told my sister what happened she was angry but not surprised because my stepdad has done similar things in the past (e.g. given part of my college fund to this same stepsister because she wasted her monthly allowance partying). my mom and stepdad have also sent me texts telling i have no right to be upset over what they chose to do with their money. my stepdad even said that since i’m so petty he’s glad he never gave me a cent for my wedding. the more i calm down, i’m starting to wonder if i am being a childish asshole. it’s not like i’ve booked anything yet and now will have to change plans. my dad also contributed to my sister’s wedding and i’m sure he’ll offer to do the same for me. but then the other part of me wonders if had it been my stepbrother’s wedding fund would my stepdad be so quick to give it to my stepsister. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my stepsister was going to get married this summer but due to covid she had to postpone. unfortunately, she ended up losing a lot of her deposits and now her budget is less than half of what it used to be. she also has to buy a new dress/bridesmaids’ outfits because she’s now decided to have a winter wedding instead. i am also engaged but we’re still in the early stages of planning and recently decided to try to figure out what our potential budget would look like. my mom and stepdad have saved wedding funds for each of us which are $10k each. this is money we’ve always known we’d receive for our weddings and my siblings have already all received theirs. i was facetiming my mom and she asked me about the wedding planning, and i mentioned that my fiancé and i had opened a separate bank account for our wedding funds. i asked her if she could directly transfer the wedding fund into it when she was free, and she started acting weird and avoided the question and changed the subject. i got upset and asked her again and she told me that they couldn’t help with the wedding. i asked her what she meant, and she admitted my stepdad had given the money to my stepsister. i asked her why he would do that, and she mentioned how my stepsister had lost so much of her original budget due to the pandemic and she would have to dramatically downsize her wedding. she came to them and begged to have my wedding fund and my stepdad agreed, as my stepsister and her fiancé both work low paying jobs and wouldn’t be able to save the money up themselves in time. my stepdad’s justification is that my fiancé comes from a “filthy rich” (his words) family and that his family could make up the difference for what they would no longer be contributing. apparently, he made a nasty joke about how fiancé’s dad was going to throw money at our wedding anyways and that maybe they should ask him to pay for stepsister’s too. i was upset and so i ended the call. my mom has been calling me nonstop since and has even asked my other sister to call me and tell me to answer her calls. when i told my sister what happened she was angry but not surprised because my stepdad has done similar things in the past (e.g. given part of my college fund to this same stepsister because she wasted her monthly allowance partying). my mom and stepdad have also sent me texts telling i have no right to be upset over what they chose to do with their money. my stepdad even said that since i’m so petty he’s glad he never gave me a cent for my wedding. the more i calm down, i’m starting to wonder if i am being a childish asshole. it’s not like i’ve booked anything yet and now will have to change plans. my dad also contributed to my sister’s wedding and i’m sure he’ll offer to do the same for me. but then the other part of me wonders if had it been my stepbrother’s wedding fund would my stepdad be so quick to give it to my stepsister. aita? [/INST] nta. it sucks that your sister's wedding didn't work out as planned, but it's not fair to punish you to make it "even". you were promised 10k towards your wedding and the gift is being stolen from you in the same way your college fund was stolen. she doesn't have to buy new dresses. she could wait until next summer or ask her wedding party to find a mutual color in their closets. she's wasting money that she shouldn't have in the first place. </s>
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AITA for lying to my mother?
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my brother (38m) passed away a few months ago. it was unexpected and happened very quickly. he had no life insurance as he was a full time caregiver for our father (67m) who had a stroke last year.
my parents are divorced and have been since i was 2. at the funeral home making arrangements, my husband (28m) and i (32f) knew we would be covering my father's portion of the burial costs. my husband and i had just had our second child 5 months before my brother passed, so money was still a little tight, but would be manageable if we kept costs as low as possible. my brother did not have many friends, so the ceremony would mainly be just for family.
when i asked to just have a grave-side service, my mother (59f) started crying and said "you always have a showing!" the caretaker also asked about cremation or burial. we personally are not huge fans of the idea of cremation, but my brother wouldn't have cared. dad agreed with cremation. mother started crying and giving us horribly dirty looks.
after that, we readdressed the showing. since my mother already had the caretaker embalm my brother, we settled on a 2 hour showing.
the obituary was another big conflict. my brother gamed. a lot. that was basically his life. final fantasy xi and xiv all day, every day for almost 20 years. the few friends he had outside of family were made through those games. my father was very adamant that we included gaming as a hobby. my mother very loudly exclaimed "i don't want any of that gaming crap in the paper!" i was pretty fed up at that point and asked the caretaker to please include gaming. by this point, the caretaker was very uncomfortable by the tension between my mother and everyone else in the room.
when the final total was tallied up, my husband asked if we could make payments. the caretakers said no. i asked my mother if she had anything she could contribute. she said she couldn’t because she already had a loan from her 401k. that left my husband and me to foot the entire bill.
2 weeks later, my dad asked my husband and i to sell my brother's sxs (side by side) to make up for his half of the funeral cost. we sold the sxs for about $1000 more than half of my dad's amount. dad tells us to keep it since we also had to take care of the lawyer fees and all the other legal issues. my mother kept telling me she would pay me back for the entire funeral, to which i told her multiple times that we only wanted half, if any at all. when she found out we sold my bother's sxs, she asked me multiple times how much we got for it and if it was more than half. i lied and told her no. i also told her that we used the money to pay medical bills for dad. she promptly got shitty and selfish by responding with "your dad should have money now for those things since he doesn't have to feed your brother anymore!"
a month after that, my mother wrote me a check for her half of the funeral costs. aita for lying about how much we got for the sxs?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xd3kqt/aita_for_lying_to_my_mother/
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2022-09-13 10:08:30
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nta — especially because you footed the bill and she made changes to the funeral, and didn’t pay until after.
deepest condolences, you’re an amazing sister for stepping up and doing this for your brother ❤️
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nta. your dad is right, there were other fees involved that aren't covered on that initial bill. she isn't offering half of that now, is she?
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unfortunately with people who are like your mother, sometimes the best thing to do is to just lie to them in order to keep the peace.
normally honesty is my policy, but when it comes to parents who are potentially toxic, well, they don't respond well to the truth and you have to take care of yourself. your mother deserves the same amount of respect that she gives to others, and she really doesn't sound like she's doing all that great in that department. nta
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nta...you stepped up and saved the day for everyone. that's priceless. i'm sorry for your loss.
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nta. sounds like your mom, while grieving, made a difficult time, even more difficult. you can't blame her, right? i'm sorry for your loss.
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i'm not big on lying, but sometimes it's the most practical and least disruptive way of making people behave halfway reasonably. this seems like a case of that, so nta.
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oh boy ... no offense, but your mother sounds like one of the most unpleasant people i've read about in this sub, this sentence alone "your dad should have money now for those things since he doesn't have to feed your brother anymore!" would warrant a few bonks in some people's books
nta for me and sorry for your loss.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother (38m) passed away a few months ago. it was unexpected and happened very quickly. he had no life insurance as he was a full time caregiver for our father (67m) who had a stroke last year. my parents are divorced and have been since i was 2. at the funeral home making arrangements, my husband (28m) and i (32f) knew we would be covering my father's portion of the burial costs. my husband and i had just had our second child 5 months before my brother passed, so money was still a little tight, but would be manageable if we kept costs as low as possible. my brother did not have many friends, so the ceremony would mainly be just for family. when i asked to just have a grave-side service, my mother (59f) started crying and said "you always have a showing!" the caretaker also asked about cremation or burial. we personally are not huge fans of the idea of cremation, but my brother wouldn't have cared. dad agreed with cremation. mother started crying and giving us horribly dirty looks. after that, we readdressed the showing. since my mother already had the caretaker embalm my brother, we settled on a 2 hour showing. the obituary was another big conflict. my brother gamed. a lot. that was basically his life. final fantasy xi and xiv all day, every day for almost 20 years. the few friends he had outside of family were made through those games. my father was very adamant that we included gaming as a hobby. my mother very loudly exclaimed "i don't want any of that gaming crap in the paper!" i was pretty fed up at that point and asked the caretaker to please include gaming. by this point, the caretaker was very uncomfortable by the tension between my mother and everyone else in the room. when the final total was tallied up, my husband asked if we could make payments. the caretakers said no. i asked my mother if she had anything she could contribute. she said she couldn’t because she already had a loan from her 401k. that left my husband and me to foot the entire bill. 2 weeks later, my dad asked my husband and i to sell my brother's sxs (side by side) to make up for his half of the funeral cost. we sold the sxs for about $1000 more than half of my dad's amount. dad tells us to keep it since we also had to take care of the lawyer fees and all the other legal issues. my mother kept telling me she would pay me back for the entire funeral, to which i told her multiple times that we only wanted half, if any at all. when she found out we sold my bother's sxs, she asked me multiple times how much we got for it and if it was more than half. i lied and told her no. i also told her that we used the money to pay medical bills for dad. she promptly got shitty and selfish by responding with "your dad should have money now for those things since he doesn't have to feed your brother anymore!" a month after that, my mother wrote me a check for her half of the funeral costs. aita for lying about how much we got for the sxs?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my brother (38m) passed away a few months ago. it was unexpected and happened very quickly. he had no life insurance as he was a full time caregiver for our father (67m) who had a stroke last year. my parents are divorced and have been since i was 2. at the funeral home making arrangements, my husband (28m) and i (32f) knew we would be covering my father's portion of the burial costs. my husband and i had just had our second child 5 months before my brother passed, so money was still a little tight, but would be manageable if we kept costs as low as possible. my brother did not have many friends, so the ceremony would mainly be just for family. when i asked to just have a grave-side service, my mother (59f) started crying and said "you always have a showing!" the caretaker also asked about cremation or burial. we personally are not huge fans of the idea of cremation, but my brother wouldn't have cared. dad agreed with cremation. mother started crying and giving us horribly dirty looks. after that, we readdressed the showing. since my mother already had the caretaker embalm my brother, we settled on a 2 hour showing. the obituary was another big conflict. my brother gamed. a lot. that was basically his life. final fantasy xi and xiv all day, every day for almost 20 years. the few friends he had outside of family were made through those games. my father was very adamant that we included gaming as a hobby. my mother very loudly exclaimed "i don't want any of that gaming crap in the paper!" i was pretty fed up at that point and asked the caretaker to please include gaming. by this point, the caretaker was very uncomfortable by the tension between my mother and everyone else in the room. when the final total was tallied up, my husband asked if we could make payments. the caretakers said no. i asked my mother if she had anything she could contribute. she said she couldn’t because she already had a loan from her 401k. that left my husband and me to foot the entire bill. 2 weeks later, my dad asked my husband and i to sell my brother's sxs (side by side) to make up for his half of the funeral cost. we sold the sxs for about $1000 more than half of my dad's amount. dad tells us to keep it since we also had to take care of the lawyer fees and all the other legal issues. my mother kept telling me she would pay me back for the entire funeral, to which i told her multiple times that we only wanted half, if any at all. when she found out we sold my bother's sxs, she asked me multiple times how much we got for it and if it was more than half. i lied and told her no. i also told her that we used the money to pay medical bills for dad. she promptly got shitty and selfish by responding with "your dad should have money now for those things since he doesn't have to feed your brother anymore!" a month after that, my mother wrote me a check for her half of the funeral costs. aita for lying about how much we got for the sxs? [/INST] nta — especially because you footed the bill and she made changes to the funeral, and didn’t pay until after. deepest condolences, you’re an amazing sister for stepping up and doing this for your brother ❤️ </s>
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AITA for suggesting a charity feeds people with a very basic diet?
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i'm involved with a charity that prepares around 3000 free daily meals for people that can't afford it. this year was hard because of the pandemic, many donors retired and demand has increased sharply
on the last meeting we were discussing ways to adress the increased demand and i suggested we switch from "normal" food to very basic stuff so the budget can stretch longer and more people can get help.
as an example: current food includes a variety of meat and chicken stews, fruit juice and even desserts such as chocolate cake. i suggested we switch to rice and beans with mostly fried egg whites for protein, plain water for drinks and no desserts. luckily fresh vegetables are dirt cheap here so those wouldn't be cut.
i was called a heartless asshole and a hypocrite for expecting people to survive like that while i'm rich and eat way better. (which is true). they also said the charity aims to keep some sense of normalcy and dignity for people that have fallen in hard times and my idea of survival food goes against that .
my point is: it's better to help 5000 people with very basic yet nutritious food than help only 3000 and have the other 2000 go without a meal.
aita for thinking life this?
&#x200b;
edit 1: some clarification\_ i don't work at this charity, the founder is my childhood friend and i've been a significant donor since it opened around 10 years ago. i also helped bring some other donors from my family.
that's why i'm routinely invited to these board meetings, but i guess after this i won't be invited any longer.
&#x200b;
edit 2: i'm not anwsering any abusive private messages so you are wasting your time. you know who you are.
also, why do so many of you assume i'm an american white woman? i'm a hispanic man living in south america.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kkuobh/aita_for_suggesting_a_charity_feeds_people_with_a/
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2020-12-27 01:45:52
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yta big time
1. fried egg whites are revolting, and why would you take away the yolks (the most nutritious part)?
2. fresh chicken and beef are expensive so not a regular thing in a poverty diet, would be terrible to take them entirely away
3. these types of meals are an opportunity to enjoy the dignity of a healthy home cooked meal. rice and beans with egg whites and water isn't quite the same
bottom line, your concern isn't about feeding more people, it's about what how little you think they deserve, which apparently doesn't include chocolate cake.
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yta. hi, as a person who lived off charity meals, i can assure you that "basic" cheap foods are already part of those people's lives, and that people deserve more than to just get by even with their food, but to be able to enjoy a variety of foods. try living on rice, beans, canned veggies and instant ramen for a few years, then try a cup of juice. it's a balm to the soul.
poor people shouldn't forfeit enjoying life's small things just because it's 'less efficient'. if you're so worried about the budget, pour your own money into it, since you're apparently rich. take your food budget, live only on the cheapest rice and beans, and put the savings towards charity.
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hear me out first. i can understand why they would be upset with you. many people will look to certain things to find comfort in their time of need; that feeling of normalcy when bad things happen is something most people strive for. however, i don't believe you deserve all the negative things being said here, just my opinion.
most of my life, i grew up mostly on the poor side. my mom would struggle to pay for everything and there were times we had to decide between food or somewhere to live. every month was a constant worry of how we would survive. she would exhaust herself trying to provide for us. there were days she wouldn't eat so that we did ( 3 children). as the oldest, there were days i wouldn't eat to make sure my siblings did. i dont know how rice and beans became "undignified" or synonymous with "poor and terrible" the cheapest foods went much further than any piece of cake. sure it is delicious, but at the end of the day i would rather we all eat instead of me eating that piece of cake. also, so many different dishes can be made with cheaper ingredients like rice and beans and they can be very delicious.
also, you never said that because they are poor they don't deserve the cake, so i'm not understanding where that came from. i think your suggestion was more about, "if we change the food options we can feed many more than just these." plus you mentioned nutritious which would be good.
i do understand their arguments on why this was callous because they felt that people would be denied the different food. but honestly, as someone who had to experience those hard times, if someone is really struggling and hungry, needing that help and food, doesn't it sound a bit entitled to expect certain expensive foods. i know i wouldn't. i would be happy just to have a meal. but thats where people often forget that this is help, not something you are entitled to. people came together to prepare food. and if you turn that away just because of the type of meal, then did you really need it?
how is rice and beans terrible? how is not getting cake equal to the "poor people don't deserve cake?" in a better world, without hunger, then someone can argue the need of cake. but we don't live in a better world. there are many people who just need to eat. taking it a day at a time. it's a free meal which i would have been happy to have on the days i went without. even if it was rice and beans.
i can understand their anger at you but i also see the logic and want to help more people survive another day. you said you have donated and have brought others to do so as well and i appreciate the assistance as that has made it possible for people to receive a meal that they may not have had otherwise. with the pandemic, many people are hurting and needing this help. i would have cried at the chance to not have my mom go without on christmas when i was younger. nah.
btw, i still enjoy rice and beans today. i can afford more now, but like i said. many a delicious dish can be made with those ingredients or others that are cheap. enjoy your holiday!
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i’m honestly baffled by the number of y t a judgements here. maybe i’ll get downvoted to hell - but there’s nothing in your post that indicates you’re an ah. maybe a little misguided but the intent isn’t malicious. you are a donor for a charity and on the board for said charity so at least you’re attempting to help people. which is possibly more than the rest of people judging you here right now.
i have combed through the judgements and your responses and i cannot see anything that indicates truly ah behavior. i think your intent was good but perhaps there is a middle ground that doesn’t reduce the quality of the food down to the bare minimum while allowing for a larger demand. maybe swap the dessert out for something less expensive or keep the dessert but only on certain days. i don’t have dessert everyday, not by a long-shot.
you can add some rice and beans and keep some amount of stew with meat in it. there are tons of recipes i’m sure that will not compromise quality and flavor but will last longer with the addition of rice and beans. there has to be some reasonable middle ground but seriously i really don’t understand all these negative judgements. as far as i can tell (and maybe i’ve missed something???) but it just seems like op is trying to help as many people as possible within limited funds and a larger than usual demand.
my judgement for op’s post is nah. but there definitely are some major ah’s in the comments and judgements here i feel a lot of people are being totally unfair to op.
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i avidly believe you are nta here. you are being pragmatic. people are being turned away hungry. basic, nutritious food like beans and rice might not be "normal" (it is for me) - but people have to eat. and shit - maybe this is a louisiana boy in me, but beans and rice can be tasty. oatmeal is cheap, filling, and nutritious. chopped veggie and egg fried rice fed me through years on a student budget.
i also want to add that, many volunteers i have worked with really believe in upholding human dignity wherever possible. it's part of what makes them such excellent people. pure empathy.
but i also think this viewpoint can, *in rare cases*, be idealistic to the point of actually hurting people. here, focus on 'normal' food sets an arbitrary bar that clashes with reality - people are going hungry and are here to be fed. even the people who are lucky enough to receive meals surely would rather eat basic food than risk missing the opportunity to eat on a given day.
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i don't think you were being malicious, but i do think yta. going from "normal" meals with meat and dessert to rice and beans and water would be quite a demoralizing shift for your customers.
i would imagine that type of food is what they're basically eating when they are able to cook for themselves or on days they don't come to your charity. when they make the effort to come to you, they're provably hoping for something better. i'd imagine it's hard to take time out of their lives to come to the charity, so i wonder if you'd have fewer people bother coming if you switched to these rations.
(obviously you're not obligated to serve something "better" because they're hoping for it. i'm not sure how to word it. i hope my point comes across though.)
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nta. of course it's better to feed more people and turn fewer people away.
chocolate cake is not a food group.
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i can see both sides of this, and, for the record, i don't think they should have called you heartless. you are being logical: all people *need* to survive is calories and nutrients. apart from a little salt, no seasoning is required even. but it sounds like it's important to the vision of the charity to help people with more than just survival--a quality hot meal once in a while can go a long way toward making people feel better, even at a difficult time.
on a smaller scale, i have to find a similar balance. as a part of my work at my church, i shop and fill standard packages of groceries for families who ask for food. each package is worth around $30 and is a mix of canned goods (different kinds of vegetables, evaporated milk, fruit, beans, tuna, tuna helper, and chicken) and other shelf-stable food (dry rice and beans, pasta, pasta sauce, cereal, mac n' cheese, pancake mix, syrup, peanut butter, and jelly).
for the most part, it's not stuff i want to eat or have to eat--i eat mostly fresh vegetables and those can get pricey--but it is at least enough for a family to have several "normal" meals, including meals kids will eat without a fuss.
i'm going to go with nta, with caveats.
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seems i gonna buck the trend.
nta, i think there is a kernel of an idea on what you suggested. i'm not well off and covid had me spending 5 months without an income. i parred down to basics but basics do not have to be bland. i make a heck of a good vegetarian chili and pair that with a baked potato yum and my black beans and rice is super tasty and i am always up for spaghetti and marinara with a chunk of garlic bread. i think a mix of well prepared variety of basics and a small treat at meal time would be a way to still give a varied and interesting diet but be able to stretch the budget. something in between your basic meal and whats being offered now.
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nta
as someone who grew up sometimes eating at food shelters. i was grateful for the food. yes. it would've have been nice to have better food. but i was grateful for what i got. if i got chocolate cake i was grateful if i didn't well we didn't have the money for it and i had no right to blame anyone. it was my parents duty to take care of me. not the volunteers.
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.686375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm involved with a charity that prepares around 3000 free daily meals for people that can't afford it. this year was hard because of the pandemic, many donors retired and demand has increased sharply on the last meeting we were discussing ways to adress the increased demand and i suggested we switch from "normal" food to very basic stuff so the budget can stretch longer and more people can get help. as an example: current food includes a variety of meat and chicken stews, fruit juice and even desserts such as chocolate cake. i suggested we switch to rice and beans with mostly fried egg whites for protein, plain water for drinks and no desserts. luckily fresh vegetables are dirt cheap here so those wouldn't be cut. i was called a heartless asshole and a hypocrite for expecting people to survive like that while i'm rich and eat way better. (which is true). they also said the charity aims to keep some sense of normalcy and dignity for people that have fallen in hard times and my idea of survival food goes against that . my point is: it's better to help 5000 people with very basic yet nutritious food than help only 3000 and have the other 2000 go without a meal. aita for thinking life this? &#x200b; edit 1: some clarification\_ i don't work at this charity, the founder is my childhood friend and i've been a significant donor since it opened around 10 years ago. i also helped bring some other donors from my family. that's why i'm routinely invited to these board meetings, but i guess after this i won't be invited any longer. &#x200b; edit 2: i'm not anwsering any abusive private messages so you are wasting your time. you know who you are. also, why do so many of you assume i'm an american white woman? i'm a hispanic man living in south america.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm involved with a charity that prepares around 3000 free daily meals for people that can't afford it. this year was hard because of the pandemic, many donors retired and demand has increased sharply on the last meeting we were discussing ways to adress the increased demand and i suggested we switch from "normal" food to very basic stuff so the budget can stretch longer and more people can get help. as an example: current food includes a variety of meat and chicken stews, fruit juice and even desserts such as chocolate cake. i suggested we switch to rice and beans with mostly fried egg whites for protein, plain water for drinks and no desserts. luckily fresh vegetables are dirt cheap here so those wouldn't be cut. i was called a heartless asshole and a hypocrite for expecting people to survive like that while i'm rich and eat way better. (which is true). they also said the charity aims to keep some sense of normalcy and dignity for people that have fallen in hard times and my idea of survival food goes against that . my point is: it's better to help 5000 people with very basic yet nutritious food than help only 3000 and have the other 2000 go without a meal. aita for thinking life this? &#x200b; edit 1: some clarification\_ i don't work at this charity, the founder is my childhood friend and i've been a significant donor since it opened around 10 years ago. i also helped bring some other donors from my family. that's why i'm routinely invited to these board meetings, but i guess after this i won't be invited any longer. &#x200b; edit 2: i'm not anwsering any abusive private messages so you are wasting your time. you know who you are. also, why do so many of you assume i'm an american white woman? i'm a hispanic man living in south america. [/INST] yta big time 1. fried egg whites are revolting, and why would you take away the yolks (the most nutritious part)? 2. fresh chicken and beef are expensive so not a regular thing in a poverty diet, would be terrible to take them entirely away 3. these types of meals are an opportunity to enjoy the dignity of a healthy home cooked meal. rice and beans with egg whites and water isn't quite the same bottom line, your concern isn't about feeding more people, it's about what how little you think they deserve, which apparently doesn't include chocolate cake. </s>
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AITA for continuing to give my former nanny a bad reference?
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i used a nanny for almost a year. during that time, she was super unprofessional and not great at her job. she was consistently late and always on her phone. i don’t have an issue with a nanny being on her phone a bit and would never say “no phones on the clock”, but literally all day she’d sit on the couch and look at her phone. she only got off it when i got home. the kids told me this and i had nanny cams (she knew about them) and would view them after hearing this. i only kept her on so long because it was hard to find a replacement (we live in an area where not many people have a need for a nanny) and i worked a lot of hours, plus my kids were never in danger and did like her. i talked to her often about the phone issue and it just never resolved. she’d occasionally take them outside, but even then, she wasn’t interacting with them and was still glued to her phone. i eventually got a new nanny and told her i needed someone who could drive (she didn’t and while that wasn’t a huge issue, it was a plus that the new one could). this new nanny has been with me ever since and i adore her.
it’s been 2 years since and about six times, i’ve gotten calls from other families. my old nanny put me down as a reference. each time, i was honest. she was nice to my kids, but she never did anything with them that i requested and was always on her phone. they always thanked me and i assumed either they’d ask her about it or she wouldn’t get the job. i also always said in my reference “maybe she’s improved since then, but with me, she was pretty young (21) and this was her first nannying job. this was my experience. ask any other references for something more current.”
i got another reference call as recent as new years day. i gave my same spiel. they thanked me and point blank said they probably were going to go with another candidate. a few days later, i got a call from my former nanny. she said that she had been using me as a reference and had yet to get another nanny job. i just said “okay”. she said that she finally asked her most recent family why they had passed her over and they were honest. she asked me why i didn’t just tell her that i was going to give her a bad review. i told her exactly how i word these things and she was still upset. she said she hasn’t been out of work, but that nannying is her passion and she feels like she hasn’t gotten another chance to do it. i told her that if she kept putting me as a reference, i’d continue to be honest, and that she didn’t have to put me as a reference. she asked how she was supposed to improve on being a nanny and i said i didn’t know, consult an agency.
my husband thinks i was cold. aita?
| 1,293 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l0wf48/aita_for_continuing_to_give_my_former_nanny_a_bad/
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2021-01-19 23:39:11
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nta. nannying is her passion? you mean she liked getting paid to hang out on her phone and barely watch someone's kids.
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nta. as a parent i’d appreciate your honesty. i’ve always contacted my references prior to putting them down as a reference.
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gonna go against the grain here. i think you’re nta but do think you’ve been a bit of a jerk (not enough to rise to ah status).
you’re never an ah for being honest with someone who’s looking out for their children. but i mean, when you fired her, you told her you were hiring someone who could drive. that reads more like a lay-off than a termination for poor employment, and you weren’t honest with her. even though you’d talked to her about the phone issue, she never improved and kept her employment for a long time after that, so she probably really didn’t know that that’s what lost her the position. so she didn’t really get an opportunity to take a look at herself and reevaluate, like most of us do after getting fired for poor performance.
she thought you were happy with her performance, so she listed you as a reference. and you’ve been giving her a bad reference for *two years* at this point without her knowing. it didn’t occur to you to reach out to her and tell her to stop listing you? i think that would’ve been the fair thing to do. she was 21 when she worked for you and she’s really never gotten an opportunity to grow as a nanny. i just think that’s kind of unfair and shitty of you.
again, i don’t think you’re an ah. but i also don’t think it’s as one-sided as everyone else seems to be suggesting.
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nta - you have been honest and polite with the people that are calling, and i don't see why you should be expected to lie, nor why she would think that you would be the ideal candidate for improving her career options.
don't know what's up your husband's ass on this though, because you're being very reasonable here.
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nta. she knew that there were issues because you raised them with her repeatedly. you should probably have told her why you were letting her go, and you should probably also have told her when you got approached as a referee the first time that you were not likely to be a very positive reference, so she could have decided whether or not to use you.
however, you were being honest, and she should have asked before using you as a reference.
i'm completely reliant on caregivers and therefore on their previous references and i would always want to know if someone was going to get a bad reference (and if they don't mention their previous employer as a reference i am usually very suspicious)
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nta: did she ask you before putting you as a reference?
i’ve been listed as a reference by a number of employees, all of which asked before they did. had it been someone i would not recommend i would have told them not to list me.
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nta. if she wanted a better reference, she should have done a better job. it's one thing to be inexperienced, but not making any apparent effort to improve in all the time she worked for you?
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nta.
explain it to your husband this way, if you gave her a glowing reference, and then whilst in a new position she was on her phone and a child in her care came to harm, how would you feel then?
you are being truthful and factual as (and especially when it comes to a child’s wellbeing) you absolutely should be.
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nta
but why on earth did you keep her for a year?
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yta. you should have told the nanny after the 1st reference call that you weren’t impressed with her and couldn’t give a good reference. she may have been unemployed for years because of you.
you knew exactly what you were doing; a negative reference is death and you go to 0 chance to get the job. basically you were just wasting her time.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.024 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i used a nanny for almost a year. during that time, she was super unprofessional and not great at her job. she was consistently late and always on her phone. i don’t have an issue with a nanny being on her phone a bit and would never say “no phones on the clock”, but literally all day she’d sit on the couch and look at her phone. she only got off it when i got home. the kids told me this and i had nanny cams (she knew about them) and would view them after hearing this. i only kept her on so long because it was hard to find a replacement (we live in an area where not many people have a need for a nanny) and i worked a lot of hours, plus my kids were never in danger and did like her. i talked to her often about the phone issue and it just never resolved. she’d occasionally take them outside, but even then, she wasn’t interacting with them and was still glued to her phone. i eventually got a new nanny and told her i needed someone who could drive (she didn’t and while that wasn’t a huge issue, it was a plus that the new one could). this new nanny has been with me ever since and i adore her. it’s been 2 years since and about six times, i’ve gotten calls from other families. my old nanny put me down as a reference. each time, i was honest. she was nice to my kids, but she never did anything with them that i requested and was always on her phone. they always thanked me and i assumed either they’d ask her about it or she wouldn’t get the job. i also always said in my reference “maybe she’s improved since then, but with me, she was pretty young (21) and this was her first nannying job. this was my experience. ask any other references for something more current.” i got another reference call as recent as new years day. i gave my same spiel. they thanked me and point blank said they probably were going to go with another candidate. a few days later, i got a call from my former nanny. she said that she had been using me as a reference and had yet to get another nanny job. i just said “okay”. she said that she finally asked her most recent family why they had passed her over and they were honest. she asked me why i didn’t just tell her that i was going to give her a bad review. i told her exactly how i word these things and she was still upset. she said she hasn’t been out of work, but that nannying is her passion and she feels like she hasn’t gotten another chance to do it. i told her that if she kept putting me as a reference, i’d continue to be honest, and that she didn’t have to put me as a reference. she asked how she was supposed to improve on being a nanny and i said i didn’t know, consult an agency. my husband thinks i was cold. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i used a nanny for almost a year. during that time, she was super unprofessional and not great at her job. she was consistently late and always on her phone. i don’t have an issue with a nanny being on her phone a bit and would never say “no phones on the clock”, but literally all day she’d sit on the couch and look at her phone. she only got off it when i got home. the kids told me this and i had nanny cams (she knew about them) and would view them after hearing this. i only kept her on so long because it was hard to find a replacement (we live in an area where not many people have a need for a nanny) and i worked a lot of hours, plus my kids were never in danger and did like her. i talked to her often about the phone issue and it just never resolved. she’d occasionally take them outside, but even then, she wasn’t interacting with them and was still glued to her phone. i eventually got a new nanny and told her i needed someone who could drive (she didn’t and while that wasn’t a huge issue, it was a plus that the new one could). this new nanny has been with me ever since and i adore her. it’s been 2 years since and about six times, i’ve gotten calls from other families. my old nanny put me down as a reference. each time, i was honest. she was nice to my kids, but she never did anything with them that i requested and was always on her phone. they always thanked me and i assumed either they’d ask her about it or she wouldn’t get the job. i also always said in my reference “maybe she’s improved since then, but with me, she was pretty young (21) and this was her first nannying job. this was my experience. ask any other references for something more current.” i got another reference call as recent as new years day. i gave my same spiel. they thanked me and point blank said they probably were going to go with another candidate. a few days later, i got a call from my former nanny. she said that she had been using me as a reference and had yet to get another nanny job. i just said “okay”. she said that she finally asked her most recent family why they had passed her over and they were honest. she asked me why i didn’t just tell her that i was going to give her a bad review. i told her exactly how i word these things and she was still upset. she said she hasn’t been out of work, but that nannying is her passion and she feels like she hasn’t gotten another chance to do it. i told her that if she kept putting me as a reference, i’d continue to be honest, and that she didn’t have to put me as a reference. she asked how she was supposed to improve on being a nanny and i said i didn’t know, consult an agency. my husband thinks i was cold. aita? [/INST] nta. nannying is her passion? you mean she liked getting paid to hang out on her phone and barely watch someone's kids. </s>
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AITA for "cockslapping" my GF?
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i'll start off by saying this relationship story is pretty old, so the "break up" reactions aren't necessary. just curious what the internet thinks since i thought of the story recently.
&#x200b;
basically, we were in bed, naked for funtimes. she was turned away from me and was on her phone, doing the texting. i gave her a kiss on the neck and playfully, imo, hit her bum with the joystick and asked if she was almost ready.
&#x200b;
she flipped and told me that i cockslapped her, that this was real life and not porn, got dressed and left angrily.
&#x200b;
what does the hivemind think of the whole thing?
| 399 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bn4t5d/aita_for_cockslapping_my_gf/
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2019-05-10 22:35:12
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nta but very close to the asshole :o
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lmao! nta.
that seems innocent enough in your situation.
it’s not like you grabbed her by her hair and smashed your dick across her face.
which could be fun too, if you’re both into that.
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nta huge overreaction. she’s obviously got something on her mind though and you should ask her what’s going on.
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nta - but my husband and i are gay men and we both agree cockslaps are the best.
*caveat* - if she ever told you she doesn’t like it or not to do it before this then maybe a bit of an ass. i’m more curious if she ever explained the reasoning behind her reaction to you.
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well to enter you have to knock🤣🤣
nta.
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nah. i can't believe people are saying she's the asshole; she's allowed to have boundaries and stuff she isn't comfortable with.
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nta but if she said that makes her uncomfortable and you continued to do it then yta.
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it’s not something that i think is attractive at all but if it was just her butt... like did you have other issues at the time? possibly with sex? otherwise that seems like a crazy reaction
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nta and i can't help but laugh
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nah - context is everything. if she’s not comfortable with it, don’t do it. simple as that.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NAH
| 0.002566 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'll start off by saying this relationship story is pretty old, so the "break up" reactions aren't necessary. just curious what the internet thinks since i thought of the story recently. &#x200b; basically, we were in bed, naked for funtimes. she was turned away from me and was on her phone, doing the texting. i gave her a kiss on the neck and playfully, imo, hit her bum with the joystick and asked if she was almost ready. &#x200b; she flipped and told me that i cockslapped her, that this was real life and not porn, got dressed and left angrily. &#x200b; what does the hivemind think of the whole thing?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'll start off by saying this relationship story is pretty old, so the "break up" reactions aren't necessary. just curious what the internet thinks since i thought of the story recently. &#x200b; basically, we were in bed, naked for funtimes. she was turned away from me and was on her phone, doing the texting. i gave her a kiss on the neck and playfully, imo, hit her bum with the joystick and asked if she was almost ready. &#x200b; she flipped and told me that i cockslapped her, that this was real life and not porn, got dressed and left angrily. &#x200b; what does the hivemind think of the whole thing? [/INST] nta but very close to the asshole :o </s>
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WIBTA if I don't allow kids at my wedding?
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so i thought i was being reasonable but i guess not?
my so and i are getting married early next year and i cant wait to spend the rest of my life with them. after talking about it with so we both decided that we didn't want kids to be there for multiple reasons but my main point was i didn't want a crying kid at the ceremony or reception.
another big reason is my cousin and his wife will be having a baby around september and i just don't want to share my wedding day with their new baby.
anyway, i was talking to my cousin and i brought up to him, "hey, so and i are thinking about not having kids at the wedding."
he immediately responded with, "well i'm bringing my kid, don't be a bitch about ut just let them come."
i told him, so and i don't want crying kids and we want the day to be about us. he called me a bitch again and told me babies cry that's what they do and you're just going to have to get over yourself.
now my family is drawn down the line with this issue and it's just stressing me out more. half of them say this is your day your choice and the other half are mad at me for denying them the opportunity to see my cousin's baby for the first time. now on to a hopefully unbiased opinion from outside sources.
so reddit, wibta?
| 507 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/caqv0a/wibta_if_i_dont_allow_kids_at_my_wedding/
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2019-07-08 20:59:54
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nta. it's super common to have a no-kids rule at weddings.
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nta
don’t cave on this! i didn’t want kids at my wedding and i got guilt tripped and pressured into allowing them. and the *exact* shit i didn’t want to happen, that people promised me they would make sure didn’t happen? fucking happened. i had to stop my own wedding ceremony because of a three year old throwing a tantrum that everyone else was just letting happen because “oh isnt she *so cute*?” the older kids broke the handmade glass table decorations, smeared chocolate on peoples clothing, interrupted speeches and dances, ruined photos...ugh.
don’t let them badger you into having babies or kids at your wedding if you don’t want them there.
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nta. is your cousin paying for your wedding? no? then it's your day. your cousin can skip and your family can meet the new baby another time.
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>he called me a bitch
how the hell was he not uninvited at this point? why are you still considering that he intend after this? nta for wanting a child-free wedding.
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nta - your wedding, your rules.
i also had a no-kids wedding - no flower girl, no ring bearers, no junior bridesmaids. 18+ only. no regrets and would do it all over again.
i had a few salty people and people who said "if i can't bring my kids, i'm not coming." i just said "ok" and they didn't come. that's fine.
my only beef with this sort of thing is if some kids can come and not others. i think that's rude and crappy, but it doesn't sound like that's the case here.
if your cousin doesn't like it, he doesn't have to attend. your relatives can make their own arrangements to visit the baby. the wedding isn't the place for that.
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nta and you definitely shouldn't have been called a bitch over it. i'm sorry they aren't respecting your decision
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nta it’s your wedding that you’re paying for. it’s your day about you. you get to call the shots. it’s not at all uncommon for weddings to be be kid free. your cousin is being the asshole and so are the family members that are trying to say you’re ruining their first visit with the baby. go see the baby on your own damn time!
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nta - child-free weddings are pretty common. tell your cousin if he insists on bringing a child, he won't be invited. if your family wants to see the new baby, they should be scheduling visits with the parents, not using your wedding day.
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nta and who the hell does he think he is to talk to you like that? don't let him bring his kid.
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nta. i had a no kids rule at my wedding and everyone was really respectful. i'm sorry your cousin isn't more understanding.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i thought i was being reasonable but i guess not? my so and i are getting married early next year and i cant wait to spend the rest of my life with them. after talking about it with so we both decided that we didn't want kids to be there for multiple reasons but my main point was i didn't want a crying kid at the ceremony or reception. another big reason is my cousin and his wife will be having a baby around september and i just don't want to share my wedding day with their new baby. anyway, i was talking to my cousin and i brought up to him, "hey, so and i are thinking about not having kids at the wedding." he immediately responded with, "well i'm bringing my kid, don't be a bitch about ut just let them come." i told him, so and i don't want crying kids and we want the day to be about us. he called me a bitch again and told me babies cry that's what they do and you're just going to have to get over yourself. now my family is drawn down the line with this issue and it's just stressing me out more. half of them say this is your day your choice and the other half are mad at me for denying them the opportunity to see my cousin's baby for the first time. now on to a hopefully unbiased opinion from outside sources. so reddit, wibta?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i thought i was being reasonable but i guess not? my so and i are getting married early next year and i cant wait to spend the rest of my life with them. after talking about it with so we both decided that we didn't want kids to be there for multiple reasons but my main point was i didn't want a crying kid at the ceremony or reception. another big reason is my cousin and his wife will be having a baby around september and i just don't want to share my wedding day with their new baby. anyway, i was talking to my cousin and i brought up to him, "hey, so and i are thinking about not having kids at the wedding." he immediately responded with, "well i'm bringing my kid, don't be a bitch about ut just let them come." i told him, so and i don't want crying kids and we want the day to be about us. he called me a bitch again and told me babies cry that's what they do and you're just going to have to get over yourself. now my family is drawn down the line with this issue and it's just stressing me out more. half of them say this is your day your choice and the other half are mad at me for denying them the opportunity to see my cousin's baby for the first time. now on to a hopefully unbiased opinion from outside sources. so reddit, wibta? [/INST] nta. it's super common to have a no-kids rule at weddings. </s>
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AITA for telling a woman off that was in the men's room?
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my wife and i were doing a small pub crawl with some friends. we were about to leave one bar when i had to rip a piss. there were single occupancy mens and women's bathrooms. (a stall and sink so no lock on the door and the mens room had a urinal) there was a big line for the women's room. i went into the men's room and there was a woman washing her hands. she yells "oh my get out im in here!" i leave quickly. her friends then tell me to get to the end of the line because they are all waiting to use the bathroom. they were rude so i told them to fuck off im using the mens room. i went in when the other lady came out. am i in the wrong here? i mean i wouldn't have gone into the women's room if the mens room had a line. that's just etiquette.
| 2,647 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u72puo/aita_for_telling_a_woman_off_that_was_in_the_mens/
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2022-04-19 11:17:04
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nta, she has to accept that if she uses the *men's* room in order to skip the women's queue, she may encounter *men.*
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nta. that said, i see no problem with women using the men’s if it's empty and there's a line. however, the women need to not be assholes when using it.
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nta. everyone calling op the asshole is missing that *these are not single occupancy bathrooms.* they're single stall bathrooms, which is not at all the same. they're designed that way for the express purpose of more than one person being able to use it at a time - one person on the pisser and one at the sink. the men's room especially isn't single-occupancy, as it has both a urinal and a stall. girls are wrong, op is right, except about what he called this setup in the post.
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nta, but almost nah. it’s pretty widely accepted that in a situation like this, women can and do use the men’s room. that being said, if i were the next woman in line here, i would have let you use the men’s room. it’s more of an “if a man isn’t using it, women can” than a “next woman in line gets to use whichever room is free” deal, in my opinion.
it think it’s fine for them to have used the men’s room, but the woman can’t be surprised when a guy walks in, and the other women shouldn’t be upset when a man wants to use the men’s room next. would be the same the opposite direction, though that almost never happens.
should we have gendered bathrooms? maybe not. but i believe this is pretty widely known etiquette given that we do.
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nta
if she didn't want anyone in there with her, she should have locked the outside door. your assumption that there would be no women in there should have been correct.
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nta
it's not your fault that the bathroom aren't unisex and they should take it up with management.
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nta. while it's fair for women to use the men's room when the line at the women's is long, they can't expect to block off use of the urinals while they do. that's unreasonable.
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this is exactly why single occupancy stalls don't need to be gendered. such nonsense.
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nta it's fine they were using the men's room but they should have expected to find men in it
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nta
they were rude and you dished it back to them. i think that's just typical of drunken bar people.
it's true that businesses should stop gendering single stall restrooms, but in this case they were gendered and that isn't your doing or your fault.
also as you said there was a urinal and a stall which means two guys could use the room at once. some comment said that is irrelevant, but it isn't.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i were doing a small pub crawl with some friends. we were about to leave one bar when i had to rip a piss. there were single occupancy mens and women's bathrooms. (a stall and sink so no lock on the door and the mens room had a urinal) there was a big line for the women's room. i went into the men's room and there was a woman washing her hands. she yells "oh my get out im in here!" i leave quickly. her friends then tell me to get to the end of the line because they are all waiting to use the bathroom. they were rude so i told them to fuck off im using the mens room. i went in when the other lady came out. am i in the wrong here? i mean i wouldn't have gone into the women's room if the mens room had a line. that's just etiquette.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i were doing a small pub crawl with some friends. we were about to leave one bar when i had to rip a piss. there were single occupancy mens and women's bathrooms. (a stall and sink so no lock on the door and the mens room had a urinal) there was a big line for the women's room. i went into the men's room and there was a woman washing her hands. she yells "oh my get out im in here!" i leave quickly. her friends then tell me to get to the end of the line because they are all waiting to use the bathroom. they were rude so i told them to fuck off im using the mens room. i went in when the other lady came out. am i in the wrong here? i mean i wouldn't have gone into the women's room if the mens room had a line. that's just etiquette. [/INST] nta, she has to accept that if she uses the *men's* room in order to skip the women's queue, she may encounter *men.* </s>
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AITA Mom wants to take part of my paycheck?
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hey reddit im new but came from r/slash and others to find this subreddit.
apologies for bad grammer or so on so fourth writing on a phone.
i'm a 17 year old living with my mom who normally doesn't get out much. my mom got me a job over the summer working under a contractor who buys and sells houses. apparently when i had asked her before she was under the assumption this would be a unpaid internship which i was not too excited about. although at the end of the first week surprise surprise my boss hands me a paycheck of 150$ for 3 days of work he tells me he dislikes unpaid internships and i should have some pocket money for the summer. after working out a 60$ per day contract i leave and head back to my mom's. this is where the am i the asshole comes in my mom after hearing that i would be paid starts to do the "i'm really low on money right now. it's so hard paying for you and your brother..." and so on, after she then asks for 25% of my paycheck, be aware i'm working 7 days a week so it's about 105 dollars from the paycheck. am i the asshole for being annoyed and not wanting to do this? she is unemployed but haven't been actively looking for work just doing "freelance" jobs as she calls it.
| 274 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bwbkoj/aita_mom_wants_to_take_part_of_my_paycheck/
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2019-06-03 14:55:31
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nta - you are currently a child living at home. it's your mom's job to provide for you until you leave education, or come of age.
if you leave education, or come of age, then it might be more appropriate for you to pay a little board, as another adult living in the home.
however, as it is, you are a child (even if you're an older child!) and it's your money you earned by working hard - not your mom's.
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nah. unless you think your mom is just trying to use you. it seems like she is just struggling and asking for help.
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nta
don't lend/give your mom money. if possible, find another adult who is trustworthy to help you set up a bank account and deposit your money in a savings account.
also, if you're in the us, your mom has to cover your basic necessities until you're 18. don't let her tell you that you "owe" her for your care.
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just to play devil's advocate here let me ask you for some info. you're probably happy to hear so many people on your side saying that you're a minor so you're not obligated to give her your money. but do you plan on moving out as soon as you turn eighteen, or do you plan on continuing to live at home rent free?
think about this before you get hung up on your mom's obligations. she's not obligated to house you or give you food after you turn 18. if you plan on staying home for a few more years then yeah, you need to chip in. what's the difference if you do it now or when you turn 18?
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yta - if your parents need help to shelter and feed you then you should kick in.
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my mother use to do the same thing to me but would take it a step further and began stealing from me when i was waitressing and had a child of my own to provide for.
&#x200b;
only you know how honest your mother is being, if you think she really is just trying to take your money, buy groceries. don't give it to her just buy some of the necessities for the house. given if she really is just trying to take your money she is still going to complain but that's a whole other conversation.
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nta - it is your mother's responsibility to provide you with food, clothing, and shelter. she can ask that you start buying some of your own clothes, etc. but asking for a flat 25% of your income is an asshole move. she has no right to that.
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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INFO
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YTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hey reddit im new but came from r/slash and others to find this subreddit. apologies for bad grammer or so on so fourth writing on a phone. i'm a 17 year old living with my mom who normally doesn't get out much. my mom got me a job over the summer working under a contractor who buys and sells houses. apparently when i had asked her before she was under the assumption this would be a unpaid internship which i was not too excited about. although at the end of the first week surprise surprise my boss hands me a paycheck of 150$ for 3 days of work he tells me he dislikes unpaid internships and i should have some pocket money for the summer. after working out a 60$ per day contract i leave and head back to my mom's. this is where the am i the asshole comes in my mom after hearing that i would be paid starts to do the "i'm really low on money right now. it's so hard paying for you and your brother..." and so on, after she then asks for 25% of my paycheck, be aware i'm working 7 days a week so it's about 105 dollars from the paycheck. am i the asshole for being annoyed and not wanting to do this? she is unemployed but haven't been actively looking for work just doing "freelance" jobs as she calls it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hey reddit im new but came from r/slash and others to find this subreddit. apologies for bad grammer or so on so fourth writing on a phone. i'm a 17 year old living with my mom who normally doesn't get out much. my mom got me a job over the summer working under a contractor who buys and sells houses. apparently when i had asked her before she was under the assumption this would be a unpaid internship which i was not too excited about. although at the end of the first week surprise surprise my boss hands me a paycheck of 150$ for 3 days of work he tells me he dislikes unpaid internships and i should have some pocket money for the summer. after working out a 60$ per day contract i leave and head back to my mom's. this is where the am i the asshole comes in my mom after hearing that i would be paid starts to do the "i'm really low on money right now. it's so hard paying for you and your brother..." and so on, after she then asks for 25% of my paycheck, be aware i'm working 7 days a week so it's about 105 dollars from the paycheck. am i the asshole for being annoyed and not wanting to do this? she is unemployed but haven't been actively looking for work just doing "freelance" jobs as she calls it. [/INST] nta - you are currently a child living at home. it's your mom's job to provide for you until you leave education, or come of age. if you leave education, or come of age, then it might be more appropriate for you to pay a little board, as another adult living in the home. however, as it is, you are a child (even if you're an older child!) and it's your money you earned by working hard - not your mom's. </s>
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AITA for giving a baby shower gift that only cost $13?
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one of my boyfriend's close friends from high school is having a baby. (we're in our late 30s, so this is a long friendship). we were at her wedding last year, and we live in the same city so we periodically see her and her husband for dinner, board game nights, etc every few months or so. that said i am not particularly close with this person and have only met her a handful of times.
she had a virtual baby shower and invited both my boyfriend and me. i was unable to make it due to another commitment, but he signed on and participated. because he has been out of work for some time and money is tight, i bought a gift on behalf of both of us: a $13 pack of infant socks which i selected off the registry. (to be clear, i am not out of work and make good money. the friend and her husband are also both employed and make good money.) normally for something like a wedding or another in person event i would buy something that helps make up my individual per head cost of the event (meal expense, venue rental, etc) but since this was a virtual event there wasn't much expense to cover and i didn't feel the need to get something very lavish. the socks seemed cute and practical.
a few days after the shower, this woman called my boyfriend upset, saying that she was hurt that he only gave her $13 socks despite their long friendship. she was unaware that he had been out of work and in a tight financial situation, but even if he had been working, is it appropriate behavior to chew someone out for giving a less expensive gift?
are we the assholes for only spending $13 on a baby shower gift?
| 533 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rdljy1/aita_for_giving_a_baby_shower_gift_that_only_cost/
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2021-12-10 23:19:26
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nta
frankly, it's **tacky af** to solicit baby shower gifts when you're financially secure.
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nta it was on her registry. and who calls someone to tell them their gift wasn't expensive enough?
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nta - but she put this on her registry?? like how ungrateful??
i really don’t like people who are very picky like that over gifts. like i’m confused. she put it on there and you picked it. so what’s her problem? did she expect you to buy the crib or stroller? like girl get a grip. it’s your baby. people are supposed to buy you cute clothes or small items for your baby. the amount of money doesn’t matter.
but again, she put the $13 dollar socks on the list. like am i missing something??
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nta. a gift is a gift. it was on the registry, if the friend wanted something more expensive she should have only had the higher priced items on it. it’s one thing to be disappointed, but to take it out on someone when they didn’t even have to get anything is a dick move imo.
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i've said this before and i'm sure i'll say it again. adults whining about gifts are always ta.
nta.
but in the future, when going low-end for a gift, don't buy from the registry. just get diapers when they're on sale so the recipient won't have an exact dollar figure to complain about.
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definitely nta. when my wife had her baby shower we got gifts ranging from hand made blankets and a box of wipes to gifts in the $1000s. we thanked each person the same and appreciated everything.
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nta regardless of financial situation you're not obligated to buy an expensive gift. you bought something off the registry. i wish people would have bought a $12 cloth diaper from my registry rather than $20+ on clothes i didn't ask for.
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my word, a thousand times nta!
she, however, is an entitled ahole all the way. you can never complain about gifts!
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ehhhh nta, but you probably could have done a little better. it is extremely ignorant for a recipient of a gift to ever complain to the giver about said gift. she needs to have some couth; instead she was a major ah. that being said, $13 is definitely a little on a skimpy side of a gift. i am on a single income, and i think $20 is pretty standard for a cheap gift. your bf is out of work, so only you guys understand your finances. you shouldn’t have have been made to feel guilty. sorry they hassled you like that! next time i’d just rsvp no, because they don’t deserve a thing.
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nta. that’s the epitome of being ungrateful.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: one of my boyfriend's close friends from high school is having a baby. (we're in our late 30s, so this is a long friendship). we were at her wedding last year, and we live in the same city so we periodically see her and her husband for dinner, board game nights, etc every few months or so. that said i am not particularly close with this person and have only met her a handful of times. she had a virtual baby shower and invited both my boyfriend and me. i was unable to make it due to another commitment, but he signed on and participated. because he has been out of work for some time and money is tight, i bought a gift on behalf of both of us: a $13 pack of infant socks which i selected off the registry. (to be clear, i am not out of work and make good money. the friend and her husband are also both employed and make good money.) normally for something like a wedding or another in person event i would buy something that helps make up my individual per head cost of the event (meal expense, venue rental, etc) but since this was a virtual event there wasn't much expense to cover and i didn't feel the need to get something very lavish. the socks seemed cute and practical. a few days after the shower, this woman called my boyfriend upset, saying that she was hurt that he only gave her $13 socks despite their long friendship. she was unaware that he had been out of work and in a tight financial situation, but even if he had been working, is it appropriate behavior to chew someone out for giving a less expensive gift? are we the assholes for only spending $13 on a baby shower gift?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
one of my boyfriend's close friends from high school is having a baby. (we're in our late 30s, so this is a long friendship). we were at her wedding last year, and we live in the same city so we periodically see her and her husband for dinner, board game nights, etc every few months or so. that said i am not particularly close with this person and have only met her a handful of times. she had a virtual baby shower and invited both my boyfriend and me. i was unable to make it due to another commitment, but he signed on and participated. because he has been out of work for some time and money is tight, i bought a gift on behalf of both of us: a $13 pack of infant socks which i selected off the registry. (to be clear, i am not out of work and make good money. the friend and her husband are also both employed and make good money.) normally for something like a wedding or another in person event i would buy something that helps make up my individual per head cost of the event (meal expense, venue rental, etc) but since this was a virtual event there wasn't much expense to cover and i didn't feel the need to get something very lavish. the socks seemed cute and practical. a few days after the shower, this woman called my boyfriend upset, saying that she was hurt that he only gave her $13 socks despite their long friendship. she was unaware that he had been out of work and in a tight financial situation, but even if he had been working, is it appropriate behavior to chew someone out for giving a less expensive gift? are we the assholes for only spending $13 on a baby shower gift? [/INST] nta frankly, it's **tacky af** to solicit baby shower gifts when you're financially secure. </s>
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AITA for blowing off 4th of July with my in laws and making my husband go alone?
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my husband and i have been married a year. in this time he frequently has invited my mom and sister to events at his parents house but doesn’t check in with his parents first which means plans change or we end up not going.
this 4th of july he invited my mom and sister to his parents house to a bbq, which they turned down other plans with friends to attend. then three days ago i find out that his parents are not hosting a bbq and are going to another family members house to celebrate which is 2 hours away and my mom and sister were clearly not invited there. i expected him to speak with his family about it and have everyone on the same page or inform his other family member that his mother and sister in law would be coming to their house as well.
this morning i found out that nobody knew my mom and sister were coming and my husband agreed it would be awkward to show up with them. so i skipped the bbq all together and stood home with my mom and sister.
my husband is calling me the ah because i ruined his day and made him look bad by not bringing his wife or having his wife stay home. i think it was rude of him to not communicate with his family and last minute say it was awkward if they came so i should basically ditch them and come with him. he said i should have communicated things because im super close with my in laws but i feel like something like inviting my fam to an event should be coordinated by him because this way it was coming from him wanting to unite both families and not making me look like im imposing my family on anyone and inserting ourselves into an intimate gathering.
should i have gone?
he believes it is the womens job to coordinate these events together but i think its just a matter of taking responsibility for your actions ex: inviting ppl places and not being able to follow through with plans
| 285 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vrkihu/aita_for_blowing_off_4th_of_july_with_my_in_laws/
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2022-07-04 23:40:27
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nta. he ruined his own day. he makes promises he can’t keep, and now he’s blaming you because you tried to make things better for your family, who is disappointed and left out because he lied to them. this is just his chickens coming home to roost. if he wants to extend invitations, he needs to coordinate with his parents to make sure that folks get to actually go to events they’re invited to.
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nta. it’s the woman’s job to coordinate events? oh. ok. so you’re not inviting him to christmas, right?
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nta. this is wrong on so many levels, but for brevity… anytime a man thinks something is “a woman’s job”, he’s the problem.
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nta, honestly i would have done the same. he should have communicated with the other family and tell you the truth. it would be an embarrassment going to a party uninvited.
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wth, is your husband a drunk toddler? that's some freaking entitlement!
nta in any way, jesus christ
your husband is a misogynistic trainwreck and i feel for you :/
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nta he should not organize anything if he is not capable.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i have been married a year. in this time he frequently has invited my mom and sister to events at his parents house but doesn’t check in with his parents first which means plans change or we end up not going. this 4th of july he invited my mom and sister to his parents house to a bbq, which they turned down other plans with friends to attend. then three days ago i find out that his parents are not hosting a bbq and are going to another family members house to celebrate which is 2 hours away and my mom and sister were clearly not invited there. i expected him to speak with his family about it and have everyone on the same page or inform his other family member that his mother and sister in law would be coming to their house as well. this morning i found out that nobody knew my mom and sister were coming and my husband agreed it would be awkward to show up with them. so i skipped the bbq all together and stood home with my mom and sister. my husband is calling me the ah because i ruined his day and made him look bad by not bringing his wife or having his wife stay home. i think it was rude of him to not communicate with his family and last minute say it was awkward if they came so i should basically ditch them and come with him. he said i should have communicated things because im super close with my in laws but i feel like something like inviting my fam to an event should be coordinated by him because this way it was coming from him wanting to unite both families and not making me look like im imposing my family on anyone and inserting ourselves into an intimate gathering. should i have gone? he believes it is the womens job to coordinate these events together but i think its just a matter of taking responsibility for your actions ex: inviting ppl places and not being able to follow through with plans
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i have been married a year. in this time he frequently has invited my mom and sister to events at his parents house but doesn’t check in with his parents first which means plans change or we end up not going. this 4th of july he invited my mom and sister to his parents house to a bbq, which they turned down other plans with friends to attend. then three days ago i find out that his parents are not hosting a bbq and are going to another family members house to celebrate which is 2 hours away and my mom and sister were clearly not invited there. i expected him to speak with his family about it and have everyone on the same page or inform his other family member that his mother and sister in law would be coming to their house as well. this morning i found out that nobody knew my mom and sister were coming and my husband agreed it would be awkward to show up with them. so i skipped the bbq all together and stood home with my mom and sister. my husband is calling me the ah because i ruined his day and made him look bad by not bringing his wife or having his wife stay home. i think it was rude of him to not communicate with his family and last minute say it was awkward if they came so i should basically ditch them and come with him. he said i should have communicated things because im super close with my in laws but i feel like something like inviting my fam to an event should be coordinated by him because this way it was coming from him wanting to unite both families and not making me look like im imposing my family on anyone and inserting ourselves into an intimate gathering. should i have gone? he believes it is the womens job to coordinate these events together but i think its just a matter of taking responsibility for your actions ex: inviting ppl places and not being able to follow through with plans [/INST] nta. he ruined his own day. he makes promises he can’t keep, and now he’s blaming you because you tried to make things better for your family, who is disappointed and left out because he lied to them. this is just his chickens coming home to roost. if he wants to extend invitations, he needs to coordinate with his parents to make sure that folks get to actually go to events they’re invited to. </s>
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AITA for using credit cards for small purchases?
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so, one disagreement i (18m) have with my mom and grandma occasionally is that i use credit for everything. now, i pay my bill in full every month. so that’s not the problem here. my mom gets on me for putting a $2 candy bar on credit because i’m causing the merchants to pay a processing fee of about a $1 and consequently i’m costing them money rather than causing them to make any and that i should carry some cash ( i normally never have my dad (who has finance experience) says that card processing fees are just part of the cost of doing business and using credit cards this way is perfectly fine. what do y’all think?
| 677 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cuf38w/aita_for_using_credit_cards_for_small_purchases/
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2019-08-23 15:03:33
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nta - your mom’s mind is just stuck in the past of 15-20 years ago when merchants used to be hostile to the use of cards for small transactions
these days, it’s just an accepted cost of doing business, and if a place really cares, they’ll be cash only or give you a discount for cash
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nta. the processing fee is not your problem. they put prices on goods based on the total cost of doing business. i have a rewards card that gives me 1% back on all purchases and up to 3% back on certain, rotating purchases. you better believe i use it for everything, even a 75 cent pack of gum.
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nah.
it's a cost of doing business. the merchant can refuse the sale if they care that much.
i'm the same. i live in a city where i can protect myself if my card is stolen, but i'll never see cash again.
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any merchant that will accept the card for small purchases is fair game.
lots of merchants have a minimum, and you have to respect that, but if they don't have a minimum, purchase without guilt.
also, i don't think 1$ for a 2$ purchase is correct. i think it's actually closer to about 15 cents for a 2$ purchase, but it depends on the credit card.
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nah, your mom and dad are both right and just coming at it from different angles. if i'm in a small business, i'll try to be considerate and use cash to help them out. but when it comes to big franchises, walmart, costco, etc. i could care less.
plus, i've seen some small businesses have a policy, "no cards accepted for purchases less than $x" so if it is a problem for them they can always enact a policy like this.
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nta - since your paying in full every month this is just helping your credit. your building good standing credit history too.
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nta. your card, your business. why they care about how you choose to leverage your own credit is beyond me. but they frankly just need to meet their own business. if the merchants didn’t want to accept cards for small transactions, they could prohibit it themselves.
it is truly bizarre to me that your mother and grandmother would give a shit about this
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merchant here. swipe away, nta! credit card processing fees average 3% per transaction. that’s .06 for your $2 candy bar. we love having people buy from us, bring your plastic or cash!
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nta, if the store loses so much money just out restrictions on credit, it's one of a lot of things people in stores have to put up with. it's not like you will bankrupt a store for paying in credit
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, one disagreement i (18m) have with my mom and grandma occasionally is that i use credit for everything. now, i pay my bill in full every month. so that’s not the problem here. my mom gets on me for putting a $2 candy bar on credit because i’m causing the merchants to pay a processing fee of about a $1 and consequently i’m costing them money rather than causing them to make any and that i should carry some cash ( i normally never have my dad (who has finance experience) says that card processing fees are just part of the cost of doing business and using credit cards this way is perfectly fine. what do y’all think?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so, one disagreement i (18m) have with my mom and grandma occasionally is that i use credit for everything. now, i pay my bill in full every month. so that’s not the problem here. my mom gets on me for putting a $2 candy bar on credit because i’m causing the merchants to pay a processing fee of about a $1 and consequently i’m costing them money rather than causing them to make any and that i should carry some cash ( i normally never have my dad (who has finance experience) says that card processing fees are just part of the cost of doing business and using credit cards this way is perfectly fine. what do y’all think? [/INST] nta - your mom’s mind is just stuck in the past of 15-20 years ago when merchants used to be hostile to the use of cards for small transactions these days, it’s just an accepted cost of doing business, and if a place really cares, they’ll be cash only or give you a discount for cash </s>
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AITA for telling my roommate with health issues that I can’t babysit her?
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so i have two roommates, jen (early 30s like me) and sue (mid 60s). pretty much as long as i’ve lived here, sue has had health issues. a month after i moved in she experienced a period of disturbing dementia-like confusion followed by her getting carted away by an ambulance and having emergency surgery to remove her gallbladder. i told her my father had his gallbladder removed too, and she asked me what he did to manage it. i said that he made big changes to his diet and started exercising, and she looked me dead in the eye and said “oh, i’m not going to do that.” and she sure hasn’t. she’s made 0 effort to improve her health or accommodate her missing organ.
since then, she’s always been low key experiencing the symptoms of not having a gallbladder- constant painful-sounding belches, loud dumps that stink up the house, rancid farts that stink up the house. and she moans. a lot. like she’s in pain. jen shares a wall with her and says that it keeps her up at night when she does it. i’ve tried bringing up concerns a few times- she gets defensive.
about a month ago, sue was wandering around the house, confused, naked and moaning. i ended up corralling her and keeping her from wandering out of the house while waiting for the ambulance, and in the process missed a big meeting for work. i get paid hourly, so those hours are money i won’t ever get back (and times are tight y’all!). beyond the money aspect, it was pretty harrowing. she was in the hospital a week, and came back for 2 days, during which she kept moaning. we were scared that she was going to have another crisis, and we called the ambulance which pretty quickly and she got taken to the hospital for 3 more days.
after she came back the second time i had a conversation with sue and here’s the information summed up: the doctors said that she had a uti which caused the confusion, they thought she had a seizure, she shouldn’t be driving and that she should be on disability. i asked “isnt a uti was usually caused by poor hygiene?”, and she said yes, and i asked if she was having issues with hygiene or cleaning herself and she said no, but that she had shit her pants and that was why. i didn’t really know what to say at that point, but i just got frustrated. at this point i’m concerned that this is going to happen again, because none of these experiences with hospitalization seem to trigger any type of desire to change her health, and if nothing changes these sorts of things are going to keep happening. so i told sue that it stings that i ended up losing time and money over something that’s ultimately a hygiene issue, and that my responsibility is with work (me being at home on a zoom call was a fluke- most of the time i’m needed on site) and that if this happens again, that i’m not going to be available to babysit her. since then things have been tense.
aita for speaking bluntly?
| 575 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/itmvzk/aita_for_telling_my_roommate_with_health_issues/
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2020-09-16 02:22:33
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nta but in elders utis are common regardless of hygiene. they are also the number one thing we check for if an older person has confusion.
call adult protective services and tell them that she has demonstrated she needs a caretaker. tell them the number of times and severity of her illnesses, and inform them that you are not her caretaker and cannot provide her care, and that she does not have a caretaker available as far as you know. also make sure you tell them about her housing situation and that it’s inappropriate for her as well as for you and your roommate.
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nta.
get in touch with the elder care or social services system in your city and let them know you have an elderly roommate who needs help, and that you are not able to provide it. hopefully they can set her up with a social worker and nurse or something.
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> so i have two roommates, jen (early 30s like me)
okay.
>and sue (mid 60s).
...okay. that's unique.
> she’s made 0 effort to improve her health or accommodate her missing organ.
boy oh boy. i am dying of curiosity regarding how you ended up in this living situation in the first place, but regardless, this lady really ought to be, y'know...taking care of herself. does she have any family? anyone else in her life at all?
come to think of it, how long have you been living with her?
> i’ve tried bringing up concerns a few times- she gets defensive.
of course she does. she's aging, vulnerable, and has significant health problems that come with embarrassing symptoms. that doesn't absolve her of seriously needing to get her act in gear.
> beyond the money aspect, it was pretty harrowing.
of course it has, and it should not be your responsibility *at all*. again: who else does she have in her life, if anyone?
> none of these experiences with hospitalization seem to trigger any type of desire to change her health, and if nothing changes these sorts of things are going to keep happening.
yes they are, and at this point (and i'm sure this is the conclusion you've come to) your number one customer needs to be yourself. you can't protect her from herself and you shouldn't try. instead, you should probably be considering alternative living arrangements, because you're setting yourself up to be roped into the role of caregiver for sue, and that should not fall on you at all.
> aita for speaking bluntly?
no, and in fact, you should have been speaking bluntly to her a long time ago. it would be one thing if this were, i don't know, a family member or spouse or something - but this is literally a roommate. you have no obligation to her, and she should not be foisting her care on you in the first place by insisting on absolute inaction. you have your own life to live, and just because she's apparently given up on prolonging hers does not mean she gets to occupy a significant portion of yours.
**nta**, but lord love a duck, get out of there.
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ummmmm......obviously nta. but i have several questions...why are you roommates with a 60 yr old? how did that happen? why aren’t you telling the landlord((i’m assuming that’s how you ended up with these roommates))?? can’t you move out?? adult social services exist you should probably contact them. just wtf man. this is a weird situation
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for a roommate? i think it's ok to set boundaries. because your responsibility is to pay whatever of the rent and bills and whatever chores.
and extending some kindness at times, getting meds for a sick roommate for instance is understandable.
but you're not a medical professional, having to deal with complex emergency situations is not your role.
i don't think the roomie can help it. even though it seems preventable, and technically it is, mentally she's not able to properly take care of herself. even so, it's not up to you to baby her, it can sound cold, but you need to survive yourself, so it's ok to state what you will or won't do. and that lady needs to sort it out.
on a side note...i had my gallbladder out a year ago, and i was like....what is she eating to have those results?? goodness. there are things that don't agree with me now, and so i avoid those things because i don't want to be miserable later...and i guess that's not what she does.
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nta, but you and jen need to find other living arrangements. and utis are not usually caused by hygiene issues, although sue’s sounds like it might be a contributing factor. my mother had confusion/dementia-like issues when she was in her late 70s/early 80’s and it’s a very common thing for elderly people. for someone her age there’s more going on.
i understand it’s expensive where you live, but really you need to look for another place because it’s going to keep happening.
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nta! honestly the fact that you even try to help her at this point is amazing.
does she have any family she can live with because it seems that she is putting a strain on you and your other roommates personal and work lives.
i would sit down as a group and talk with her about your concerns and how you are feeling. if it comes to it you may need to look at getting a new roommate.
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nta she maybe an elderly lady but you are not her caretaker. you had told her how to improve herself so these things didn’t happen and she basically ignored everything. now she has all these problems and isn’t doing anything to help herself.
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i have two roommates, jen (early 30s like me) and sue (mid 60s). pretty much as long as i’ve lived here, sue has had health issues. a month after i moved in she experienced a period of disturbing dementia-like confusion followed by her getting carted away by an ambulance and having emergency surgery to remove her gallbladder. i told her my father had his gallbladder removed too, and she asked me what he did to manage it. i said that he made big changes to his diet and started exercising, and she looked me dead in the eye and said “oh, i’m not going to do that.” and she sure hasn’t. she’s made 0 effort to improve her health or accommodate her missing organ. since then, she’s always been low key experiencing the symptoms of not having a gallbladder- constant painful-sounding belches, loud dumps that stink up the house, rancid farts that stink up the house. and she moans. a lot. like she’s in pain. jen shares a wall with her and says that it keeps her up at night when she does it. i’ve tried bringing up concerns a few times- she gets defensive. about a month ago, sue was wandering around the house, confused, naked and moaning. i ended up corralling her and keeping her from wandering out of the house while waiting for the ambulance, and in the process missed a big meeting for work. i get paid hourly, so those hours are money i won’t ever get back (and times are tight y’all!). beyond the money aspect, it was pretty harrowing. she was in the hospital a week, and came back for 2 days, during which she kept moaning. we were scared that she was going to have another crisis, and we called the ambulance which pretty quickly and she got taken to the hospital for 3 more days. after she came back the second time i had a conversation with sue and here’s the information summed up: the doctors said that she had a uti which caused the confusion, they thought she had a seizure, she shouldn’t be driving and that she should be on disability. i asked “isnt a uti was usually caused by poor hygiene?”, and she said yes, and i asked if she was having issues with hygiene or cleaning herself and she said no, but that she had shit her pants and that was why. i didn’t really know what to say at that point, but i just got frustrated. at this point i’m concerned that this is going to happen again, because none of these experiences with hospitalization seem to trigger any type of desire to change her health, and if nothing changes these sorts of things are going to keep happening. so i told sue that it stings that i ended up losing time and money over something that’s ultimately a hygiene issue, and that my responsibility is with work (me being at home on a zoom call was a fluke- most of the time i’m needed on site) and that if this happens again, that i’m not going to be available to babysit her. since then things have been tense. aita for speaking bluntly?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i have two roommates, jen (early 30s like me) and sue (mid 60s). pretty much as long as i’ve lived here, sue has had health issues. a month after i moved in she experienced a period of disturbing dementia-like confusion followed by her getting carted away by an ambulance and having emergency surgery to remove her gallbladder. i told her my father had his gallbladder removed too, and she asked me what he did to manage it. i said that he made big changes to his diet and started exercising, and she looked me dead in the eye and said “oh, i’m not going to do that.” and she sure hasn’t. she’s made 0 effort to improve her health or accommodate her missing organ. since then, she’s always been low key experiencing the symptoms of not having a gallbladder- constant painful-sounding belches, loud dumps that stink up the house, rancid farts that stink up the house. and she moans. a lot. like she’s in pain. jen shares a wall with her and says that it keeps her up at night when she does it. i’ve tried bringing up concerns a few times- she gets defensive. about a month ago, sue was wandering around the house, confused, naked and moaning. i ended up corralling her and keeping her from wandering out of the house while waiting for the ambulance, and in the process missed a big meeting for work. i get paid hourly, so those hours are money i won’t ever get back (and times are tight y’all!). beyond the money aspect, it was pretty harrowing. she was in the hospital a week, and came back for 2 days, during which she kept moaning. we were scared that she was going to have another crisis, and we called the ambulance which pretty quickly and she got taken to the hospital for 3 more days. after she came back the second time i had a conversation with sue and here’s the information summed up: the doctors said that she had a uti which caused the confusion, they thought she had a seizure, she shouldn’t be driving and that she should be on disability. i asked “isnt a uti was usually caused by poor hygiene?”, and she said yes, and i asked if she was having issues with hygiene or cleaning herself and she said no, but that she had shit her pants and that was why. i didn’t really know what to say at that point, but i just got frustrated. at this point i’m concerned that this is going to happen again, because none of these experiences with hospitalization seem to trigger any type of desire to change her health, and if nothing changes these sorts of things are going to keep happening. so i told sue that it stings that i ended up losing time and money over something that’s ultimately a hygiene issue, and that my responsibility is with work (me being at home on a zoom call was a fluke- most of the time i’m needed on site) and that if this happens again, that i’m not going to be available to babysit her. since then things have been tense. aita for speaking bluntly? [/INST] nta but in elders utis are common regardless of hygiene. they are also the number one thing we check for if an older person has confusion. call adult protective services and tell them that she has demonstrated she needs a caretaker. tell them the number of times and severity of her illnesses, and inform them that you are not her caretaker and cannot provide her care, and that she does not have a caretaker available as far as you know. also make sure you tell them about her housing situation and that it’s inappropriate for her as well as for you and your roommate. </s>
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WIBTA if I confront a bar that over served my SO?
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basically wibta if i confront a bar that over served my so [32m] too many alcohol last night?
basically he went to an irish pub with some co-workers and somehow got completely wasted but had driven his own car there. now, i'm not excusing his behavior of drinking so much knowing that he was the driver and still drank as much as he did and thank god one of his friends took his keys away and babysat him until i got to the parking lot at 5am to pick him up after i realized he wasn't home and rightfully panicked until i got ahold of him.
i honestly feel that if the friend who didn't take his keys away and babysit him, he probably would've been a total idiot and tried to drive home. he couldn't keep his balance at all when his remaining friend handed him off to me.
now in no way shape or form am i excusing his negligence in this situation for not keeping himself in check but at 5am he was clearly 100% still wasted. you could see it from a mile away. where i live bars have to stop serving at 2am so 3 hours had passed and he was still in no shape to do anything at all so i just don't see how a bar who is following correct laws about serving someone could have possibly let someone with a car drink that much. what if no friends were around to take away his keys and sit there and wait with him? what if he got behind the wheel because he was in absolutely no condition to do so.
when he sobers up we have to go back and get his car but i'm just wondering wibta if i confronted the establishment about how they clearly over served someone that could've resulted in casualties if they had driven home?
| 179 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cfzeoa/wibta_if_i_confront_a_bar_that_over_served_my_so/
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2019-07-21 14:12:50
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yta. you have no way of knowing if his friends provided him with the beer, or if he went to different bartenders, or if he brought his own booze in his jacket, or something else.
i’m glad your so has good friends. you should have a long and serious conversation with him about alcohol use.
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ywbta. sure, they over-served him and that’s a mistake, but i’m a big fan of personal responsibility. you’ll get further by addressing his behavior with him, instead of lobbing the blame at the bar,
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yta. you’re assuming that every bartender should assume that everyone is driving. just because your husband was an idiot and drank too much to drive doesn’t mean he was acting in a way that would alarm a bartender. do you even know if he was directly ordering drinks or was the group ordering rounds? bartenders are too busy to watch every person that orders a round of shots and keep a tally of who consumes what. they can only really tell if your husband wasn’t functioning and still was trying to order. if he was just being a happy funny drunk how were they supposed to know he even had a car there or wasn’t getting a ride home? your husband sucks if he gets behind the wheel and that would be on him. you are an asshole for blaming anyone but him.
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ywbta
your so is a grown adult who can make his own decisions. and he chose to get drunk and almost chose to drive drunk.
the establishment is not responsible for those decisions. they are responsible for the amount of alcohol he consumed since they could have turned him away at any point, but i don't think that they were expecting him to want to drive home. they are not responsible for your grown up so and his wasted drunk decisions.
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yta, it was your boyfriend's job to make sure he didn't get wasted to that point, not the bartenders.
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[deleted]
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yta, or would be. despite training, it’s not always easy to see if someone is drunk. in a crowded bar it’s even harder and if he was with a group he may not have ordered every drink for themself.
you would be right if you had been with him and said something at the time. the next day they might not even remember him or the staff is different and they would probably think dude can’t handle his booze and got in trouble with the so.
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yta. its not the bars fault your boyfriend cant handle liquor. and if he was in a party/group of friends its not the bars duty to babysit your intoxicated boyfriend. they arent a babysitting service. had he been there alone, most bartenders pick up on that, they most likely wouodnt have let him leave. stop blaming your boyfriends inability to hold liquor on the bar. they did their job.
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yta - if he was the “designated” driver, or planning to drive himself home at the end of the evening, it is his responsibility to stop at one drink. you could even argue if he was planning to drive he shouldn’t have drunk at all....
think of the amount of customers a typical busy bar serves every evening - the ratio of customers to bar staff - it’d be hard to keep track of individual customers. he may not even have gone up to the bar himself, someone may have been buying drinks for the group/some of his friends giving him drinks.
if you start behaving inappropriately, from my experience, staff generally do remove you and tell you/your friends to get a cab home get some food and sober up. but they cannot physically monitor how every person gets home/prevent them leaving the bar and getting in their car.
he’s kinda gotta own up to his decisions here a bit and admit he was really irresponsible and not just blame the bar. there are several drinks between “tipsy” and “blackout drunk”...he himself made the decision to have more than one drink, likely leading him to have several more.
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seems like a passive aggressive way of addressing your so's potential drinking problem. you're alluding to the fact a 30+ y/o adult is incapable of moderating his consumption, but rather than confront that head on you're choosing to bring the bar into your relationship woes.
yta.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: basically wibta if i confront a bar that over served my so [32m] too many alcohol last night? basically he went to an irish pub with some co-workers and somehow got completely wasted but had driven his own car there. now, i'm not excusing his behavior of drinking so much knowing that he was the driver and still drank as much as he did and thank god one of his friends took his keys away and babysat him until i got to the parking lot at 5am to pick him up after i realized he wasn't home and rightfully panicked until i got ahold of him. i honestly feel that if the friend who didn't take his keys away and babysit him, he probably would've been a total idiot and tried to drive home. he couldn't keep his balance at all when his remaining friend handed him off to me. now in no way shape or form am i excusing his negligence in this situation for not keeping himself in check but at 5am he was clearly 100% still wasted. you could see it from a mile away. where i live bars have to stop serving at 2am so 3 hours had passed and he was still in no shape to do anything at all so i just don't see how a bar who is following correct laws about serving someone could have possibly let someone with a car drink that much. what if no friends were around to take away his keys and sit there and wait with him? what if he got behind the wheel because he was in absolutely no condition to do so. when he sobers up we have to go back and get his car but i'm just wondering wibta if i confronted the establishment about how they clearly over served someone that could've resulted in casualties if they had driven home?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
basically wibta if i confront a bar that over served my so [32m] too many alcohol last night? basically he went to an irish pub with some co-workers and somehow got completely wasted but had driven his own car there. now, i'm not excusing his behavior of drinking so much knowing that he was the driver and still drank as much as he did and thank god one of his friends took his keys away and babysat him until i got to the parking lot at 5am to pick him up after i realized he wasn't home and rightfully panicked until i got ahold of him. i honestly feel that if the friend who didn't take his keys away and babysit him, he probably would've been a total idiot and tried to drive home. he couldn't keep his balance at all when his remaining friend handed him off to me. now in no way shape or form am i excusing his negligence in this situation for not keeping himself in check but at 5am he was clearly 100% still wasted. you could see it from a mile away. where i live bars have to stop serving at 2am so 3 hours had passed and he was still in no shape to do anything at all so i just don't see how a bar who is following correct laws about serving someone could have possibly let someone with a car drink that much. what if no friends were around to take away his keys and sit there and wait with him? what if he got behind the wheel because he was in absolutely no condition to do so. when he sobers up we have to go back and get his car but i'm just wondering wibta if i confronted the establishment about how they clearly over served someone that could've resulted in casualties if they had driven home? [/INST] yta. you have no way of knowing if his friends provided him with the beer, or if he went to different bartenders, or if he brought his own booze in his jacket, or something else. i’m glad your so has good friends. you should have a long and serious conversation with him about alcohol use. </s>
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AITA for telling my mom I don't feel like I have sisters when she asked why I didn't invite my sisters to my birthday?
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i (23f) have two older half sisters (26f) (27f). my mom was married to their dad, divorced just after 26f was born and met my dad soon after and they had me. my mom shared custody of my sisters, my parents are still together. growing up they were always so close with each other. they would hang out, do fun stuff together, and it didn't include me unless my mom insisted on it and sometimes it wasn't a fight. just a thing of oh, you're going to the park? well little sister can come. outside of stuff like that i was always left out and when we all did stuff as a family i felt very much like an only child. i was never included in the jokes, they'd want to sit with each other, they would sometimes not even talk to me which wasn't always a bad thing lol, especially when they/we were teenagers.
as adults nothing much has changed. i have often asked them if they wanted to do things and they're either too busy or they forget to show up and just never bother following up when they do. and they have done plenty of stuff without me. my oldest sister got married and had our middle sister in her wedding as her bridesmaid and didn't include me in any of it. i was a regular guest. which again, is fine, but it just sets the relationship. i didn't actually get to talk to either of my sisters the whole wedding. not sure if it was deliberate but yeah.
a few years ago they got matching sister tattoos and the tattoos in question reference having only one sister. for me that was when i kind of stopped caring, or started working on not caring. i had never known how to feel about it before but i realized what it was. for years they treated me not as a sister but as my parent's child. their mom's child but not their sister. and i feel like i have gotten to the point where i'm okay with that so long as i can treat them the same.
so my 23rd birthday i had some people over for snacks and stuff. friends and family. but i didn't invite my sisters (i haven't been invited to their birthdays in years either). my mom questioned me on it and i said i hadn't thought of it. she told me that wasn't possible. she told me she thought we had all moved past that stuff that we're sisters. i told her it doesn't feel like i have any, it never did. they have each other and i'm on the outside, her kid, but not their sister, and that it was fine and after all these years i would rather just move on. she told me it was horrible to say it feels like i have no sisters and i told her that technically we are, but we do not have a close sibling relationship and i have never felt like their sister. my mom is mad at me for what i said to her. she's also mad at them for treating me how they did for so long. she went off on how she had talked to them so many times about this.
but she is so pissed at me for saying what i did.
aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nu55ki/aita_for_telling_my_mom_i_dont_feel_like_i_have/
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2021-06-07 05:47:42
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nta
simply tell her (your mother) to read their 'sister' tattoos. that says it all and it is recent.
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nta - your half sisters have shown that they don't acknowledge you as their sister, so you have a right to feel that way. your mom is an ah for making it seem like that's your fault you don't feel that way. they have been ahs to you, so i'm glad that you have grown to not care about the exclusion they have done to you.
i'm sorry your mother tried to make your birthday about them.
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'course not. speaking your truth isn't wrong. and your mom is aware of the issues and probably feels guilt about not being able to make it different, but she still shouldn't shut you down for saying it.
your sisters seem to have had plenty of chances to make a relationship with you. i imagine it's possible things will change in the future, but i think your goal of getting okay with how things are is probably the best thing you can do about it for yourself right now. pretending it's not how things are won't help anything.
nta (neither is your mom, but she does need to give you space to feel how you feel about it.)
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nta - as your mother she should've picked up on the dynamic years ago, she doesn't get to be 'mad' about it now.
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nta. i think your mom is (unfortunately) taking it out on you for her failing, whether failing to notice how bad things actually were or failing to fix things. the truth stings and the fact that you're kinda ok with it kinda just makes it worse for her.
she shouldn't be taking it out on you and you have a right to be upset about her reaction... but be ready to have another real conversation about it with her, possibly with your sisters involved.
with the information provided, none of this seems like your fault. you tried as much as can be expected and now you're done. that's fine.
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[deleted]
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nta
my siblings were similar. they were best friends with each other but they showed me nothing but contempt. my whole life i worked to gain just a small bit of respect from them but then realised it was never going to happen and tried to move on ptried to move on.
you don't owe your family anything just because you're related.
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nta. what did your mother say to them when they got the tattoos? when they didn't invite you their birthday parties? you, as the youngest and the 'single' child of the group, could do the least in this situation, so why hasn't your mother questioned their exclusion of you? i'm not a fan of forced family-making, and your solution of treating them as who they are--related, but not close--is the right one. go forward and enjoy your life, let your mother deal with her own issues.
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nta - the truth hurts and she doesn’t want to acknowledge the real problem. it is impossible for her not to have seen how they treated you. saying that she “talked to them” isn’t the same as fixing the problem. my guess - your mom is feeling guilt on how they treated you and she was never accepted as the step-mom.
happy belated birthday - and glad you enjoyed it without the step-siblings.
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last week we had a post from the older sib point of view that was indifferent to step sub and half sib and they were nta then. you are more nta. you were younger and did nothing wrong. mom dropped the ball, big time.
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (23f) have two older half sisters (26f) (27f). my mom was married to their dad, divorced just after 26f was born and met my dad soon after and they had me. my mom shared custody of my sisters, my parents are still together. growing up they were always so close with each other. they would hang out, do fun stuff together, and it didn't include me unless my mom insisted on it and sometimes it wasn't a fight. just a thing of oh, you're going to the park? well little sister can come. outside of stuff like that i was always left out and when we all did stuff as a family i felt very much like an only child. i was never included in the jokes, they'd want to sit with each other, they would sometimes not even talk to me which wasn't always a bad thing lol, especially when they/we were teenagers. as adults nothing much has changed. i have often asked them if they wanted to do things and they're either too busy or they forget to show up and just never bother following up when they do. and they have done plenty of stuff without me. my oldest sister got married and had our middle sister in her wedding as her bridesmaid and didn't include me in any of it. i was a regular guest. which again, is fine, but it just sets the relationship. i didn't actually get to talk to either of my sisters the whole wedding. not sure if it was deliberate but yeah. a few years ago they got matching sister tattoos and the tattoos in question reference having only one sister. for me that was when i kind of stopped caring, or started working on not caring. i had never known how to feel about it before but i realized what it was. for years they treated me not as a sister but as my parent's child. their mom's child but not their sister. and i feel like i have gotten to the point where i'm okay with that so long as i can treat them the same. so my 23rd birthday i had some people over for snacks and stuff. friends and family. but i didn't invite my sisters (i haven't been invited to their birthdays in years either). my mom questioned me on it and i said i hadn't thought of it. she told me that wasn't possible. she told me she thought we had all moved past that stuff that we're sisters. i told her it doesn't feel like i have any, it never did. they have each other and i'm on the outside, her kid, but not their sister, and that it was fine and after all these years i would rather just move on. she told me it was horrible to say it feels like i have no sisters and i told her that technically we are, but we do not have a close sibling relationship and i have never felt like their sister. my mom is mad at me for what i said to her. she's also mad at them for treating me how they did for so long. she went off on how she had talked to them so many times about this. but she is so pissed at me for saying what i did. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (23f) have two older half sisters (26f) (27f). my mom was married to their dad, divorced just after 26f was born and met my dad soon after and they had me. my mom shared custody of my sisters, my parents are still together. growing up they were always so close with each other. they would hang out, do fun stuff together, and it didn't include me unless my mom insisted on it and sometimes it wasn't a fight. just a thing of oh, you're going to the park? well little sister can come. outside of stuff like that i was always left out and when we all did stuff as a family i felt very much like an only child. i was never included in the jokes, they'd want to sit with each other, they would sometimes not even talk to me which wasn't always a bad thing lol, especially when they/we were teenagers. as adults nothing much has changed. i have often asked them if they wanted to do things and they're either too busy or they forget to show up and just never bother following up when they do. and they have done plenty of stuff without me. my oldest sister got married and had our middle sister in her wedding as her bridesmaid and didn't include me in any of it. i was a regular guest. which again, is fine, but it just sets the relationship. i didn't actually get to talk to either of my sisters the whole wedding. not sure if it was deliberate but yeah. a few years ago they got matching sister tattoos and the tattoos in question reference having only one sister. for me that was when i kind of stopped caring, or started working on not caring. i had never known how to feel about it before but i realized what it was. for years they treated me not as a sister but as my parent's child. their mom's child but not their sister. and i feel like i have gotten to the point where i'm okay with that so long as i can treat them the same. so my 23rd birthday i had some people over for snacks and stuff. friends and family. but i didn't invite my sisters (i haven't been invited to their birthdays in years either). my mom questioned me on it and i said i hadn't thought of it. she told me that wasn't possible. she told me she thought we had all moved past that stuff that we're sisters. i told her it doesn't feel like i have any, it never did. they have each other and i'm on the outside, her kid, but not their sister, and that it was fine and after all these years i would rather just move on. she told me it was horrible to say it feels like i have no sisters and i told her that technically we are, but we do not have a close sibling relationship and i have never felt like their sister. my mom is mad at me for what i said to her. she's also mad at them for treating me how they did for so long. she went off on how she had talked to them so many times about this. but she is so pissed at me for saying what i did. aita? [/INST] nta simply tell her (your mother) to read their 'sister' tattoos. that says it all and it is recent. </s>
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AITA for going home because my gf wanted me to eat leftovers?
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we (25m, 26f) have separate places, but she always wants me to come and stay with her. i do most times, even though my place is actually closer to where my job is.
when i was getting off work, she called me and asked me to come over, and i asked her what she had cooked. she said she hadn't made anything and she was too tired to cook, but she had some leftovers. 😑
so i said, "nevermind, don't worry about it, i'ma just head home."
and then she got mad and said, "oh, so you'll only come over because i cook for you? you don't want to spend time with me?"
and i said, "i do, but i'm hungry and my place is closer. i don't want to waste gas and money driving all the way over there just to eat leftovers."
am i right? if i'm going to eat leftovers, i might as well just do it at my place. and i did. but then she kept sending me screenshots of her group chat bashing me.
those her friends, so i'm not taking them seriously, but i want to hear what you guys think. objectively.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lfsrqz/aita_for_going_home_because_my_gf_wanted_me_to/
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2021-02-09 02:47:42
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yta. is she only worth hanging out with if she has a meal prepared for you? you were going to eat leftovers anyway. either you want to spend time with her or you don't. what kind of food she has available should have no bearing on that.
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>if i’m going to eat leftovers, i might as well do it at my place.
if i’m going to eat leftovers, i may as well have good company. you very clearly *do* only want to spend time with her you’re getting something out of besides her company. yta, and frankly you don’t deserve ever having a fresh cooked meal from her again.
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i don't like how you said "i asked her what she had cooked." like it was her job. and i don't like the emoji you chose because she didn't have freshly made dinner for you.
her friends wouldn't bash you if this was a one-time thing. yta.
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yta
solutions: grab food from your place, then go to see her. invite her to your place. ask if she wants something from a drive-through or grocery store. eat the leftovers.
you just decided that because you weren't getting a fresh cooked meal, that your gf wasn't worth seeing.
it's just...strange. and left overs are often delicious...there were many solutions and you decided to be a jerk instead.
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i mean, yes, yta. you told your girlfriend the only reason you would spend time with her is if she cooks for you, essentially...
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you told her that her company isn’t a good enough reason for you to visit her, but better food would be. yta
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yta: “you’re only worth spending time with if you cook for me” like—how is that not offensive?
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yta.
you're not an asshole for not wanting leftovers, you're an asshole for expecting a home cooked meal and rejecting her for not cooking it for you.
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"i don't want to waste gas and money driving all the way over there just to eat leftovers."
yta. you view spending time with your partner a waste unless she cooks for you.
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yta. you told her you didn't want to "waste time" seeing her unless she cooked food for you. how would you like it if she told you she didn't want to waste time with you unless you chopped wood/dug a trench/lifted really heavy things?
if she doesn't like going to your place, there's a good chance that your place is not comfortable for her in some way and if you want her to come to your place, find out what the reason she avoids it is and remedy that if possible.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we (25m, 26f) have separate places, but she always wants me to come and stay with her. i do most times, even though my place is actually closer to where my job is. when i was getting off work, she called me and asked me to come over, and i asked her what she had cooked. she said she hadn't made anything and she was too tired to cook, but she had some leftovers. 😑 so i said, "nevermind, don't worry about it, i'ma just head home." and then she got mad and said, "oh, so you'll only come over because i cook for you? you don't want to spend time with me?" and i said, "i do, but i'm hungry and my place is closer. i don't want to waste gas and money driving all the way over there just to eat leftovers." am i right? if i'm going to eat leftovers, i might as well just do it at my place. and i did. but then she kept sending me screenshots of her group chat bashing me. those her friends, so i'm not taking them seriously, but i want to hear what you guys think. objectively.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we (25m, 26f) have separate places, but she always wants me to come and stay with her. i do most times, even though my place is actually closer to where my job is. when i was getting off work, she called me and asked me to come over, and i asked her what she had cooked. she said she hadn't made anything and she was too tired to cook, but she had some leftovers. 😑 so i said, "nevermind, don't worry about it, i'ma just head home." and then she got mad and said, "oh, so you'll only come over because i cook for you? you don't want to spend time with me?" and i said, "i do, but i'm hungry and my place is closer. i don't want to waste gas and money driving all the way over there just to eat leftovers." am i right? if i'm going to eat leftovers, i might as well just do it at my place. and i did. but then she kept sending me screenshots of her group chat bashing me. those her friends, so i'm not taking them seriously, but i want to hear what you guys think. objectively. [/INST] yta. is she only worth hanging out with if she has a meal prepared for you? you were going to eat leftovers anyway. either you want to spend time with her or you don't. what kind of food she has available should have no bearing on that. </s>
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AITA for treating my child free cousin differently because of the fact she doesnt have kids at Christmas?
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please hear me out.
i just moved to a foriegn country and have children of my own.
this year, for financial reasons, i'm only getting gifts for the kids in my family back home. i'm hoping next year i can save enough to get everyone a little something from where i'm living because that's how i normally like to do christmas.
i talked to my grandma about this and she mentioned my childfree older cousin (i'm not close to) absolutely loves the country i moved to and asked me if i would get her something for christmas, too since she doesnt have kids. this seemed reasonable to me and i agreed to get her a gift as well.
i guess my grandma told my brother about it because he called me up to ask for a specific gift for himself and his wife. i told him, again, i was only getting gifts for the kids. he threw in my face he knows i'm getting our cousin a gift and he knows i don't even like her. which is not exactly true, we're just not close and she really hates children so she avoids me by default so she can avoid my kids. i scolded him and said he'll get to enjoy the novelties i send for his kids when they open and she and her husband will enjoy what i get them, i'm sure. she's still my cousin and my grandma asked me to.
my brother said that cousin wont even know she didnt get anything since they're not meeting up at the grandparent's house this year for reasons.
that doesnt make a difference to me. i would know and i'm sure grandma would find out. but he's still really jealous and hurt because he also has a special interest in the country i live in and there's something he would really like he can't exactly get online.
now i'm not sure if this is really fair or not. logically, sticking to what i decided to do is what i'd do before my grandma stepped in. i'm not getting anything for my parents, even my grandma or aunts and uncles, just sending them cards. so is it really not fair to any of them to not send any of them anything because they dont have minor children in their houses but to send something to my cousin?
| 400 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k94gcv/aita_for_treating_my_child_free_cousin/
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2020-12-08 13:48:32
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nta. i've been in a similar situation. i'll never *not* think an adult is an ah when they demand a gift for themselves from an adult relative.
>there's something he would really like he can't exactly get online.
so offer to get it for his birthday, or to buy it for him if he sends the money.
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nta - your brother is being an entitled jerk by demanding he gets something from you. the present for your cousin is more of a gift/kindness for your grandmother/at your grandmother’s request than anything.
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nta. how does your brother think it's ok to put in his request for his christmas gift?! you're not a vending machine...though at least then he'd be putting money in before expecting a gift to pop back out.
you don't have to get anything for the cousin either, just because your grandma pressured you. i wouldn't get her anything unless she 1) gives gifts to my kids, 2) gives gifts to me or 3) shows gratitude for what you do send. that's how i've begun structuring my gift giving at least. if you don't do one of those 3 things, i'm definitely going to ignore the link you sent to your kids' amazon wishlists, *cough cough* sister dearest.
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nta. speaking as the child-free family
member, thanks for including her, thinking about her, etc. we tend to get left out because we don’t have kids, and it’s very nice to be reminded that your family cares.
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nta
you get to pick who gets gifts from you. doesn’t sound like your brother deserves any for himself with that entitled attitude
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imo, it's ok to get your cousin something since it's a special favor for your grandmother. and it's ok that you're not getting all the other adults a gift.
your brother sounds like a spoiled brat. if he wants that special something that can't be bought online, he can send you the money for the cost and shipping, then you can pick it up at the shop and send it to him. he shouldn't be demanding gifts from anybody. he's a grown up. he needs to stop thinking like a tantrum-throwing child.
nta if you carry out your original plan and treat your brother like the grown up he should be.
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: please hear me out. i just moved to a foriegn country and have children of my own. this year, for financial reasons, i'm only getting gifts for the kids in my family back home. i'm hoping next year i can save enough to get everyone a little something from where i'm living because that's how i normally like to do christmas. i talked to my grandma about this and she mentioned my childfree older cousin (i'm not close to) absolutely loves the country i moved to and asked me if i would get her something for christmas, too since she doesnt have kids. this seemed reasonable to me and i agreed to get her a gift as well. i guess my grandma told my brother about it because he called me up to ask for a specific gift for himself and his wife. i told him, again, i was only getting gifts for the kids. he threw in my face he knows i'm getting our cousin a gift and he knows i don't even like her. which is not exactly true, we're just not close and she really hates children so she avoids me by default so she can avoid my kids. i scolded him and said he'll get to enjoy the novelties i send for his kids when they open and she and her husband will enjoy what i get them, i'm sure. she's still my cousin and my grandma asked me to. my brother said that cousin wont even know she didnt get anything since they're not meeting up at the grandparent's house this year for reasons. that doesnt make a difference to me. i would know and i'm sure grandma would find out. but he's still really jealous and hurt because he also has a special interest in the country i live in and there's something he would really like he can't exactly get online. now i'm not sure if this is really fair or not. logically, sticking to what i decided to do is what i'd do before my grandma stepped in. i'm not getting anything for my parents, even my grandma or aunts and uncles, just sending them cards. so is it really not fair to any of them to not send any of them anything because they dont have minor children in their houses but to send something to my cousin?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
please hear me out. i just moved to a foriegn country and have children of my own. this year, for financial reasons, i'm only getting gifts for the kids in my family back home. i'm hoping next year i can save enough to get everyone a little something from where i'm living because that's how i normally like to do christmas. i talked to my grandma about this and she mentioned my childfree older cousin (i'm not close to) absolutely loves the country i moved to and asked me if i would get her something for christmas, too since she doesnt have kids. this seemed reasonable to me and i agreed to get her a gift as well. i guess my grandma told my brother about it because he called me up to ask for a specific gift for himself and his wife. i told him, again, i was only getting gifts for the kids. he threw in my face he knows i'm getting our cousin a gift and he knows i don't even like her. which is not exactly true, we're just not close and she really hates children so she avoids me by default so she can avoid my kids. i scolded him and said he'll get to enjoy the novelties i send for his kids when they open and she and her husband will enjoy what i get them, i'm sure. she's still my cousin and my grandma asked me to. my brother said that cousin wont even know she didnt get anything since they're not meeting up at the grandparent's house this year for reasons. that doesnt make a difference to me. i would know and i'm sure grandma would find out. but he's still really jealous and hurt because he also has a special interest in the country i live in and there's something he would really like he can't exactly get online. now i'm not sure if this is really fair or not. logically, sticking to what i decided to do is what i'd do before my grandma stepped in. i'm not getting anything for my parents, even my grandma or aunts and uncles, just sending them cards. so is it really not fair to any of them to not send any of them anything because they dont have minor children in their houses but to send something to my cousin? [/INST] nta. i've been in a similar situation. i'll never *not* think an adult is an ah when they demand a gift for themselves from an adult relative. >there's something he would really like he can't exactly get online. so offer to get it for his birthday, or to buy it for him if he sends the money. </s>
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AITA for making my boyfriend flush the toilet after himself.
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for context i 20f work in a restaurant where one if my jobs is to keep the bathrooms clean. my boyfriend 22m used to have a habit of not flushing the toilet when he was home because before his parents would do it. when we first moved in i told him to flush or i wouldn't talk to him. its actually so gross. anyways between dealing with work toilets never being flushed and home never being flushed i lost it. he was good for months after that about flushing. now this morning is his birthday. i get up to use the toilet and a mess of piss and shit where there to greet me. i woke him up and told him to flush his mess and he claimed it wasnt him because he flushed. i told him i dont care and he needed to flush. when he was getting up he called me an asshole for making him get up to do this. i know this is silly but i feel like i'm justified for making him get up and taking care of his mess but if i'm not i wanna know to apologize.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vfvlfp/aita_for_making_my_boyfriend_flush_the_toilet/
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2022-06-19 13:48:57
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nta it is gross and is it too much to speculate this is a guy who doesn't clean and will need you to mother him on every step of the way? why do people put in so much time with such early loud warning signs?
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nta. seriously, at 22, this man should not have to be asked or told to flush the toilet that he's sharing with his girlfriend. it's disgusting and childish. get it together, dude.
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nta but you need to flush the bf and find one who doesn't need mommy or daddy to do it.
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nta. flushing the toilet is part of using the toilet. your adult bf is not toilet trained. he does not see a problem with this. i would maybe have one more serious talk where you tell him not being housebroken is a deal breaker, but honestly this is probably not the only thing his parents didn't teach him to do that you'll have to deal with.
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i cannot believe a grown-ass man has to be told to flush the toilet. his parents are the ahs, he’s an ah, you are nta.
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nta
this is a 22 year old man and his parents have flushed his shit down the toilet his whole life??? am i reading this correctly? if my adult son didn't flush and i'd find his shit and piss just sitting in the toilet, i'd literally faint and die from the embarrassment of what an idiot i have given birth to
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nta. but why are you still with this guy? even my 8 year old nephew flushes and cleans up after himself.
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nta. wtf did i just read?
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girl i would not date a man who needed to be told to flush. nopetty nope nope noperino. blughhhhhhh
nta but like .. you know there are other guys out there right?
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nta.
one question though, why the fuck are you still with the guy who is literally asking you to clean his shit?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for context i 20f work in a restaurant where one if my jobs is to keep the bathrooms clean. my boyfriend 22m used to have a habit of not flushing the toilet when he was home because before his parents would do it. when we first moved in i told him to flush or i wouldn't talk to him. its actually so gross. anyways between dealing with work toilets never being flushed and home never being flushed i lost it. he was good for months after that about flushing. now this morning is his birthday. i get up to use the toilet and a mess of piss and shit where there to greet me. i woke him up and told him to flush his mess and he claimed it wasnt him because he flushed. i told him i dont care and he needed to flush. when he was getting up he called me an asshole for making him get up to do this. i know this is silly but i feel like i'm justified for making him get up and taking care of his mess but if i'm not i wanna know to apologize.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for context i 20f work in a restaurant where one if my jobs is to keep the bathrooms clean. my boyfriend 22m used to have a habit of not flushing the toilet when he was home because before his parents would do it. when we first moved in i told him to flush or i wouldn't talk to him. its actually so gross. anyways between dealing with work toilets never being flushed and home never being flushed i lost it. he was good for months after that about flushing. now this morning is his birthday. i get up to use the toilet and a mess of piss and shit where there to greet me. i woke him up and told him to flush his mess and he claimed it wasnt him because he flushed. i told him i dont care and he needed to flush. when he was getting up he called me an asshole for making him get up to do this. i know this is silly but i feel like i'm justified for making him get up and taking care of his mess but if i'm not i wanna know to apologize. [/INST] nta it is gross and is it too much to speculate this is a guy who doesn't clean and will need you to mother him on every step of the way? why do people put in so much time with such early loud warning signs? </s>
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AITA for saying I could never live with my sister after she and my parents suggested she could live with me while she settles into the city?
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my (26f) younger sister (23f) got her first job after graduating college. it's in my city. she's never been here before and she's got a month left to find a place but it's proving hard as someone with no connections and not enough money to rent on her own. my parents did a zoom call with us last week and we were talking about her struggle. i made a few suggestions to her but then she said this would all be solved if she could live with me for a while and pay me rent while she settles in. my parents were like oh that's a wonderful idea! think of how nice it would be for you girls to live together again, etc. how my fiancé could get to know my sister better (since they met once and don't know each other that well) and how nice it would be to have some extra money coming in with the wedding coming up. i said it wasn't a great idea but i could try and find more suggestions. my sister asked why not. we're family. it's perfect. i told her it wouldn't work for me and my fiancé. she asked why. i said i could never live with her again, that we're too different and she doesn't like following other people's rules. this was actually an issue twice. one time we were both visiting our parents for christmas. we were meant to stay in our childhood bedrooms but hers got mold so she slept in mine with me. the room was such a mess the whole time. she threw stuff around, brought food into the room and ate in the pull out bed and left bowls around the room to stink. when i asked her to tidy up she ignored me.
the next time we were both staying with a cousin and my cousin told her to tidy up after herself, to stop bringing food into the room but she refused and ended up getting kicked out after three days (we were there for a family wedding and ended up extending our stay for a funeral).
i won't go through that. despite us being sisters i don't consider us close. she drives me crazy and i could not live with her again. not even for a day. which is why i always make sure that if i visit my parents and she might be too i stay in a hotel. cuts back on any drama that could happen. also makes it easier to not want to shake her.
my reaction as well as the rejection of her living with me have pissed them all off. they say i was harsh and what i said was uncalled for.
aita?
| 4,704 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/otfv09/aita_for_saying_i_could_never_live_with_my_sister/
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2021-07-28 18:27:36
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nta
‘being family’ doesn’t give her any privileges. and this is not just your house, it’s also your fiancé’s. and i think it’s actually quite rude of your sister to just kind of invite herself to stay with you? she can find a place on her own.
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nta. you never offered for her to live with you. you tried to be nice about it and they are the ones that pushed the issue. boundaries are healthy and your relationship with her will likely be better in the long run if you don't live together.
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nta
this sounds weirdly like a set up. were your parents almost suspiciously quick to jump on the idea?
look after yourself and your fiancé, there’s not much can cause a nightmare like an unwelcome house guest.
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nta. you set boundaries, and explained only when pressed why it wouldn’t work - because of previous boundary violations. it’s their job to manage their feelings after you’ve stated yours.
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nta.
not sure how “i don’t think that is a great idea but i will continue trying to help in your search” was misconstrued as something harsh and uncalled for.
if sister or parents push on the reason behind it, express what you did here. based on prior history, and on multiple occasions, you have enough evidence to effectively prove that this is, in fact, *not* a “great idea”.
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"how my fiancé could get to know my sister better (since they met once and don't know each other that well) and how nice it would be to have some extra money coming in with the wedding coming up"
for some reason i'm 100% sure that they planned this as some kind of ambush and prepared some arguments (money, fiancé finally gets to know her better) in advance to steamroll over you, because they know she won't get her living situation sorted out otherwise.
also fantastic idea to move in with someone who you've met once and whose habits you don't know and who's also family on top of that, so you can't really kick him out. i'm pretty sure that are all things they took into consideration, especially your parents since they know hos she is (messy and unable to follow rules), so you pretty much seem like the only option that might give her enoug leeway to not get kicked out after a month or so. don't let them guilt you into anything here. nta.
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nta, it's your place your rules and you don't have to have anyone living with you that you don't want to. no is an acceptable answer
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nta - being a live-in landlord to a relative who you know is going to be a bad tenant/roommate is a fantastic way to torpedo your relationship with her and cause a rift in the family.
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nta she needed to hear the truth because your reasons will be the same reasons why she will have problems with her future roommates.
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nta. you’re under no obligation to take on tenants in your own home even if they’re family.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (26f) younger sister (23f) got her first job after graduating college. it's in my city. she's never been here before and she's got a month left to find a place but it's proving hard as someone with no connections and not enough money to rent on her own. my parents did a zoom call with us last week and we were talking about her struggle. i made a few suggestions to her but then she said this would all be solved if she could live with me for a while and pay me rent while she settles in. my parents were like oh that's a wonderful idea! think of how nice it would be for you girls to live together again, etc. how my fiancé could get to know my sister better (since they met once and don't know each other that well) and how nice it would be to have some extra money coming in with the wedding coming up. i said it wasn't a great idea but i could try and find more suggestions. my sister asked why not. we're family. it's perfect. i told her it wouldn't work for me and my fiancé. she asked why. i said i could never live with her again, that we're too different and she doesn't like following other people's rules. this was actually an issue twice. one time we were both visiting our parents for christmas. we were meant to stay in our childhood bedrooms but hers got mold so she slept in mine with me. the room was such a mess the whole time. she threw stuff around, brought food into the room and ate in the pull out bed and left bowls around the room to stink. when i asked her to tidy up she ignored me. the next time we were both staying with a cousin and my cousin told her to tidy up after herself, to stop bringing food into the room but she refused and ended up getting kicked out after three days (we were there for a family wedding and ended up extending our stay for a funeral). i won't go through that. despite us being sisters i don't consider us close. she drives me crazy and i could not live with her again. not even for a day. which is why i always make sure that if i visit my parents and she might be too i stay in a hotel. cuts back on any drama that could happen. also makes it easier to not want to shake her. my reaction as well as the rejection of her living with me have pissed them all off. they say i was harsh and what i said was uncalled for. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (26f) younger sister (23f) got her first job after graduating college. it's in my city. she's never been here before and she's got a month left to find a place but it's proving hard as someone with no connections and not enough money to rent on her own. my parents did a zoom call with us last week and we were talking about her struggle. i made a few suggestions to her but then she said this would all be solved if she could live with me for a while and pay me rent while she settles in. my parents were like oh that's a wonderful idea! think of how nice it would be for you girls to live together again, etc. how my fiancé could get to know my sister better (since they met once and don't know each other that well) and how nice it would be to have some extra money coming in with the wedding coming up. i said it wasn't a great idea but i could try and find more suggestions. my sister asked why not. we're family. it's perfect. i told her it wouldn't work for me and my fiancé. she asked why. i said i could never live with her again, that we're too different and she doesn't like following other people's rules. this was actually an issue twice. one time we were both visiting our parents for christmas. we were meant to stay in our childhood bedrooms but hers got mold so she slept in mine with me. the room was such a mess the whole time. she threw stuff around, brought food into the room and ate in the pull out bed and left bowls around the room to stink. when i asked her to tidy up she ignored me. the next time we were both staying with a cousin and my cousin told her to tidy up after herself, to stop bringing food into the room but she refused and ended up getting kicked out after three days (we were there for a family wedding and ended up extending our stay for a funeral). i won't go through that. despite us being sisters i don't consider us close. she drives me crazy and i could not live with her again. not even for a day. which is why i always make sure that if i visit my parents and she might be too i stay in a hotel. cuts back on any drama that could happen. also makes it easier to not want to shake her. my reaction as well as the rejection of her living with me have pissed them all off. they say i was harsh and what i said was uncalled for. aita? [/INST] nta ‘being family’ doesn’t give her any privileges. and this is not just your house, it’s also your fiancé’s. and i think it’s actually quite rude of your sister to just kind of invite herself to stay with you? she can find a place on her own. </s>
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AITA for not babysitting my granddaughter?
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my daughter is 17 years old and just gave birth to her first child last month. all in all, she’s a good mother. she takes care of the baby and while i do lend a hand, she does a lot of the work on her own. the one thing my husband and i pay for, is daycare as there’s no way she could afford it on her own in this area, though we only pay for it when she has to work. she’s on her own finding childcare if she wants to go out with friends or something like that.
she starts school in a month and will be starting off her senior year. per our agreement, we will pay for the baby to go to daycare while she goes to school as well. we also watch her if she has to work outside of daycare hours, but we won’t watch her outside of that. (also, while my daughter provides mostly everything for her daughter, we provide everything for our daughter.) her friends came by to visit the baby. they were all discussing homecoming and all of that stuff. one of her friends was asking if she’d even be able to go. my daughter off handedly said “yeah, my mom will watch her.”
when my daughter got pregnant, we discussed this stuff. i told her specifically that while we will pay for daycare and babysit for free outside of daycare hours, along with helping her out, she is on her own in terms of childcare when it comes to hanging out with friends or fun activities like homecoming, prom or stuff like this. i don’t bring this up in front of her friends, but i do when they leave. she asks if myself and my husband (her step-dad) could please just watch her. it’s her last one. she works so hard. i said, yes, she does, but she’s a mom and that baby is her responsibility. it’s her job to find childcare. i didn’t let it turn into a fight and stayed firm.
eventually, she gets her dad (my ex) to agree to watch her when these times come up. my ex is upset with me for staying firm on this-even though he was in agreement when she got pregnant and didn’t even want her to keep our granddaughter. he says i’m an asshole and i’m stealing the last years of her youth.
am i in the wrong here?
&#x200b;
| 284 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cawg7o/aita_for_not_babysitting_my_granddaughter/
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2019-07-09 05:20:11
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nta. she got pregnant and needs to realize that a child isn't something that can be thrown aside. she can be an adult and find a babysitter.
you play stupid games, you get stupid prizes.
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nta. your daughter made choices that led to her becoming a mom at a young age. it sounds like you’re doing a lot to help her, and asking her to be responsible for her child is not being an asshole. your ex is obviously not contributing at the same level as you, and has no right to say that. it won’t hurt him to help out. the worst thing that you could do would be to allow your daughter to continue as though she can skirt her responsibility to her child when she wants to go be a kid. that went out the window when she had a baby, and is not your fault. you sound like a great mom - hang in there!
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nah.
my mom put it this way to me when i had struggles as a new mom:
"i got to wait until i finished college to become a grown up, but you went and had sex and had a baby. you don't get to be a kid anymore, you have to be a grown up, and being a grown up sucks."
although i was 20 and married before getting pregnant, i was still in college and it's been very hard. it sucks even more to be a teen, but like my mom said, becoming a parent means that you aren't a kid anymore.
your daughter is taking it hard, and i can understand that wholeheartedly. she's not an asshole either, but while she's made a lot of progress in being a grown up, she is still not getting that being a parent doesn't just mean having to work and pay for things - it means having to stay in with your kid when you'd rather be out with friends. she doesn't even realize yet that without your help on childcare she would be struggling to work at all.
your ex is the closest to being an asshole here. he is trying to back out on a deal here, but if you and your husband, with whom your daughter lives, back out on it too, she will be taking a step toward handing her baby off to you so you can be substitute parents. even so, it is important for her to have some remaining youthful experiences.
if you want to work things out better, i would suggest arranging with your ex that she can have him babysit on certain *meaningful* occasions. this does not include movie nights with friends or going out on dates. those are sacrifices that all parents have to make at all ages. but the homecoming dance, prom, and graduation are days that it makes some sense for her to enjoy some. she is taking a lot of responsibility remarkably well, so it would be good for you to acknowledge that and let her have your ex babysit a couple times. if she can reasonably have her baby with her, you can debate it, but a couple times won't hurt.
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nta. you're already going above and beyond by paying for the child's daycare. your daughter chose to keep the baby and unfortunately for her, she doesn't get to choose which parts of the responsibility that comes with parenthood apply. i'd say this is simply good parenting from your end. what would she do if you *weren't around* to help with the baby at all?
your ex is ta for trying to make you feel bad about this, especially since he was pushing for an abortion.
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nah. although i don’t agree on everything. a person who is older and married and has a child still enjoys things outside of school/work. my mom watches my children all the time for date night and outings. so agreeing sometimes to watch your daughter’s child outside of work and school is a nice grandparent like gesture. if you can’t or don’t want to, then you can let her know she’s on her own to find someone else, but if you’re not watching the baby only because you’re trying to teach your daughter she has to have more difficulty in finding time to go out as a mother then that’s not right.
if you say no and your husband agrees, that shouldn’t be a problem unless he then relies on you for the care taking part...she has found someone besides you to watch the baby, which is what you were trying to have her do.
another option would be to have her pay you as a babysitter if she can’t find someone else, that way she still can go out and also learn the cost of going out while being a mom. (you could hold the money and gift it back in a savings account for the granddaughter in the future)
you’re an awesome parent by the way for paying for childcare so she can work and go to school. that’s an amazing gift! regardless of whether you watch her or not for “fun” things, you’re a good mom and teaching your daughter to be one too.
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i’m going to say nta. your daughter did agree to find child care for these types of things and it doesn’t sound like she ever even asked if you would watch the baby before she told her friends she could go.
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nta
i know exactly where you are coming from and why. i had my first child at 16 & if i wanted to go out with friends i had to find a babysitter. my mother watched the baby while i was at work or school, but nothing else.
did i miss out on stuff, yes, but it taught me that my child came before my wants. i became a good parent because of this.
i also knew about birth control, but never spoke to my mother about it. it was my decision to have unprotected sex & my parents shouldn't have had to pay for that decision.
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a mild yta on this one. even an adult parent needs some down time away from work and child rearing. it sounds like she’s doing her best and taking on a lot of responsibility. agreeing to watch the baby while she goes to homecoming/prom, etc would give her something to look forward to when things get hard.
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nah - you aren't "stealing the last years of her youth" the baby took care of that. she presumably chose to keep it rather than have an abortion, correct? that's the opproutunity cost of being a mom so early: responsibility. she's a newly minted mom and is just not figuring that out, so she's not an asshole yet. she just hasn't wrapped her head around what she's lost. just remind her that, "no, i won't automatically watch her for homecoming."
it is fine for her to *ask* if you'd mind watching the kid for one-off annual event, and fine for you to accept or refuse depending on your own interests and schedule. assuming consensual sex made this child, when you say no, it would also be fine for her to ask others: the baby's father, the baby's paternal grandparents, etc. you might suggest that if those are acceptable people. he should be shouldering some of this burden as well, unless it is in the best interest of the child to keep the bio dad out of the picture. what's he doing for homecoming?
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nah - i think the assumption that you will watch her child whenever she wants you to is the real issue here, the assumption and casual giving up of responsibility is what would bug me.
she's young and still figuring out where her new boundaries are so i'd make an arrangement in which she never gets to assume that you'll watch the baby but has to ask you and make sure it works for you first.
then you can decide if it's a yes or no.
i think there is a need to be a little flexible depending on the circumstances but if you both agree that she comes to you and asks for these circumstances like she would if she lived on her own and that she has to accept it if the answer if its a no then fair enough.
she absolutely has to learn to be responsible and plan ahead and deal with the consequences of life choices but there are some life events she might not ever get a chance to repeat at this stage in her life and if i was in your position i'd still want her to be able to do some of them.
&#x200b;
best wishes to you all.
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NAH
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NAH
| 0.093295 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter is 17 years old and just gave birth to her first child last month. all in all, she’s a good mother. she takes care of the baby and while i do lend a hand, she does a lot of the work on her own. the one thing my husband and i pay for, is daycare as there’s no way she could afford it on her own in this area, though we only pay for it when she has to work. she’s on her own finding childcare if she wants to go out with friends or something like that. she starts school in a month and will be starting off her senior year. per our agreement, we will pay for the baby to go to daycare while she goes to school as well. we also watch her if she has to work outside of daycare hours, but we won’t watch her outside of that. (also, while my daughter provides mostly everything for her daughter, we provide everything for our daughter.) her friends came by to visit the baby. they were all discussing homecoming and all of that stuff. one of her friends was asking if she’d even be able to go. my daughter off handedly said “yeah, my mom will watch her.” when my daughter got pregnant, we discussed this stuff. i told her specifically that while we will pay for daycare and babysit for free outside of daycare hours, along with helping her out, she is on her own in terms of childcare when it comes to hanging out with friends or fun activities like homecoming, prom or stuff like this. i don’t bring this up in front of her friends, but i do when they leave. she asks if myself and my husband (her step-dad) could please just watch her. it’s her last one. she works so hard. i said, yes, she does, but she’s a mom and that baby is her responsibility. it’s her job to find childcare. i didn’t let it turn into a fight and stayed firm. eventually, she gets her dad (my ex) to agree to watch her when these times come up. my ex is upset with me for staying firm on this-even though he was in agreement when she got pregnant and didn’t even want her to keep our granddaughter. he says i’m an asshole and i’m stealing the last years of her youth. am i in the wrong here? &#x200b;
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter is 17 years old and just gave birth to her first child last month. all in all, she’s a good mother. she takes care of the baby and while i do lend a hand, she does a lot of the work on her own. the one thing my husband and i pay for, is daycare as there’s no way she could afford it on her own in this area, though we only pay for it when she has to work. she’s on her own finding childcare if she wants to go out with friends or something like that. she starts school in a month and will be starting off her senior year. per our agreement, we will pay for the baby to go to daycare while she goes to school as well. we also watch her if she has to work outside of daycare hours, but we won’t watch her outside of that. (also, while my daughter provides mostly everything for her daughter, we provide everything for our daughter.) her friends came by to visit the baby. they were all discussing homecoming and all of that stuff. one of her friends was asking if she’d even be able to go. my daughter off handedly said “yeah, my mom will watch her.” when my daughter got pregnant, we discussed this stuff. i told her specifically that while we will pay for daycare and babysit for free outside of daycare hours, along with helping her out, she is on her own in terms of childcare when it comes to hanging out with friends or fun activities like homecoming, prom or stuff like this. i don’t bring this up in front of her friends, but i do when they leave. she asks if myself and my husband (her step-dad) could please just watch her. it’s her last one. she works so hard. i said, yes, she does, but she’s a mom and that baby is her responsibility. it’s her job to find childcare. i didn’t let it turn into a fight and stayed firm. eventually, she gets her dad (my ex) to agree to watch her when these times come up. my ex is upset with me for staying firm on this-even though he was in agreement when she got pregnant and didn’t even want her to keep our granddaughter. he says i’m an asshole and i’m stealing the last years of her youth. am i in the wrong here? &#x200b; [/INST] nta. she got pregnant and needs to realize that a child isn't something that can be thrown aside. she can be an adult and find a babysitter. you play stupid games, you get stupid prizes. </s>
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AITA for not letting my niece go home for christmas eventhough I said I would?
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my brother passed away when his only child (14f) was 1 years old. i know we should have been more involved in her life but since we live in different cities we didn't have much contact with her specially because she is shy and doesn't like talking on the phone. however a few months ago her mom called and asked for our help since she was pregnant again(her 4th child) and said it was a very difficult pregnancy and asked if we would help her and take our niece for a while and we agreed. she has been staying with me and my siblings and only goes home a few days each month
the problem is, while she misses her mom and siblings and wants to go home, every time she goes home she comes back upset. i asked her what it is and it was always about how her mom was treating her compared to her siblings. the baby has been born for a few weeks now and it's only got worse for my niece. i suggested we keep our niece with us and made some excuses about how i don't want her to change school and told her mom it's probably better so that she can focus on the new baby and she agreed but we had an agreement that she has to go home for christmas.
the problem is, i don't want to send her home for christmas. i know she is going to miss her siblings but i don't want her to end up upset again and from what i've heard her last christmases weren't good either.
so i made a suggestion she couldn't resist. i told her if she stays for christmas we'll buy her a gaming system of her choice. she agreed to stay. her mom has been calling and texting me and my siblings, calling us all assholes
| 2,567 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z1r83z/aita_for_not_letting_my_niece_go_home_for/
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2022-11-22 11:29:02
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yta for bribing her, but it does seem like her mom’s is a bad environment. have you tried to talk with mom to remedy this? ultimately 14 is old enough to decide for herself, but it’s incredibly immature of you to bribe her into staying away from family.
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so she wanted to go home, her family wanted her to go home and you bought her to stay with you over christmas for a gaming system ?
your intentions are good, you don’t want to see her suffer, no question. but yes, yta. your niece is upset over favouritism and i do not condone her mother’s behaviour, but taking away christmas preventively doesn’t sound like a great solution. she still loves her siblings. it would be the first christmas of her new sibling too. if she feels like an outsider now, imagine after big holidays are spent without her.
it’s better to compensate in this case. send her out for christmas, make it known that she’s free to come back anytime she wants if it doesn’t go well and plan your own christmas celebration for when she comes back. and if it goes wrong, don’t let her go next big event.
it really depends on the treatment she receives though. if it’s to abuse level, don’t let her go of course. but from your post, it doesn’t sound like it.
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yta. wow. did you really just bribe her into staying with you, just because you selfishly didn't want her to go see her own mom?
don't you think at 14 she's old enough to make her own decisions?
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info: at any point did you speak to her mom and tell her the concern’s of your niece?
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nta... i think.
honestly my opinion is completely dependant on how the neice feels about all this. i get that going home upsets her, but if she wants to see her family regardless i think it's important to let her decide and just be a supportive safe place to come home to when it goes to shit.
i love that you got her something she really wanted for christmas, and i get you're trying to protect her (hence nta) - but i dont think it should have been a bribe. i think it should be a gift of love with no conditions.
either way, i wish her the best.
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yta. you’re very vague about her mistreatment. for all we know, she’s upset that there’s a new baby at home and the attention is less on her. that’s normal and not mistreatment.
unless there is actual abuse in the household, the decision where she stays for christmas is up to her mother. you cannot just make decisions about where she stays as if you are her legal guardian.
if you’re so concerned that she’ll have a terrible christmas with her family, why not celebrate christmas with her early? let her have two christmases. buy her that gaming system with no strings attached. don’t use bribery to get her to stay with you.
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nta having been in the situation myself, i only wanted to go home because i continuously held onto hope that seeing me after x amount of time would change the way i was treated. it didn’t. oh there were hugs and smiles the first few minutes (for show imo) but as soon as the initial welcome “home” was over, i was the maid and the punching bag.
thank you for caring about this young lady whom i feel definitely needs a strong support system and i feel you’re doing all you can to support her.
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info: is she upset after going home because she’s treated poorly or because there is a new baby and dynamics have changed?
i gotta ask because a new baby often means the older siblings get less attention for awhile and the parents are stressed but that does not make them bad or mean parents.
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yta
you should have given her the option and let her decide, she’s old enough to know what she wants. bribing her isn’t the answer, are you going to do it every time she’s supposed to go home?
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soft yta. it seems to me that you’re trying to protect this girl and that you really care about her well-being, but you made a deal with her mother and you should honor it. it’s clear that your heart is in in the right place, but you bribed her and that’s pretty manipulative.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
|
INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.288 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother passed away when his only child (14f) was 1 years old. i know we should have been more involved in her life but since we live in different cities we didn't have much contact with her specially because she is shy and doesn't like talking on the phone. however a few months ago her mom called and asked for our help since she was pregnant again(her 4th child) and said it was a very difficult pregnancy and asked if we would help her and take our niece for a while and we agreed. she has been staying with me and my siblings and only goes home a few days each month the problem is, while she misses her mom and siblings and wants to go home, every time she goes home she comes back upset. i asked her what it is and it was always about how her mom was treating her compared to her siblings. the baby has been born for a few weeks now and it's only got worse for my niece. i suggested we keep our niece with us and made some excuses about how i don't want her to change school and told her mom it's probably better so that she can focus on the new baby and she agreed but we had an agreement that she has to go home for christmas. the problem is, i don't want to send her home for christmas. i know she is going to miss her siblings but i don't want her to end up upset again and from what i've heard her last christmases weren't good either. so i made a suggestion she couldn't resist. i told her if she stays for christmas we'll buy her a gaming system of her choice. she agreed to stay. her mom has been calling and texting me and my siblings, calling us all assholes
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my brother passed away when his only child (14f) was 1 years old. i know we should have been more involved in her life but since we live in different cities we didn't have much contact with her specially because she is shy and doesn't like talking on the phone. however a few months ago her mom called and asked for our help since she was pregnant again(her 4th child) and said it was a very difficult pregnancy and asked if we would help her and take our niece for a while and we agreed. she has been staying with me and my siblings and only goes home a few days each month the problem is, while she misses her mom and siblings and wants to go home, every time she goes home she comes back upset. i asked her what it is and it was always about how her mom was treating her compared to her siblings. the baby has been born for a few weeks now and it's only got worse for my niece. i suggested we keep our niece with us and made some excuses about how i don't want her to change school and told her mom it's probably better so that she can focus on the new baby and she agreed but we had an agreement that she has to go home for christmas. the problem is, i don't want to send her home for christmas. i know she is going to miss her siblings but i don't want her to end up upset again and from what i've heard her last christmases weren't good either. so i made a suggestion she couldn't resist. i told her if she stays for christmas we'll buy her a gaming system of her choice. she agreed to stay. her mom has been calling and texting me and my siblings, calling us all assholes [/INST] yta for bribing her, but it does seem like her mom’s is a bad environment. have you tried to talk with mom to remedy this? ultimately 14 is old enough to decide for herself, but it’s incredibly immature of you to bribe her into staying away from family. </s>
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AITA for saying I regret having children?
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i have three children, 4,2,8months.
their father left when i was pregnant with the youngest.
i work long shifts and have to do everything by myself.
their father is unemployed so we don't get any support from him meaning i have to work longer hours.
i love my children but lately i've just found myself so emotionally drained and tired.
my sister is thinking of having children and asked me my opinion and i said "having children is great, if you have the patience, i was pressured into having my three and i regret it every day, don't get me wrong i absolutely love my children but you have to be a certain type of person"
i was never motherly, i only had children because it was seen as the "*right*" thing to do.
***i love my children, they're well cared for.***
my sister looked at me like i kicked a puppy, apparently i'm an asshole for even thinking what i did.
aita?
| 5,130 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/esd1z8/aita_for_saying_i_regret_having_children/
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2020-01-22 14:53:57
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nta
people love to pretend like children are the one true blessing, and for some people they are. but they are also expensive, time consuming, emotionally and physically draining, and sometimes isolating.
and it's okay to love your children while still wishing you had made different choices. it's an uncomfortable reality of parenthood and, likewise, just being a human being.
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nta, she's being naive for not recognising how difficult it is to be a single mum to multiple kids with no financial support....
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nta people need to stop pretending that having kids is always happy shiny brady bunch stuff. admitting that you were pressured and you have regrets is a great deterrent to people who might be waffling over whether to make the same decisions you did. and saying you have regrets is not tantamount to abuse.
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nta as long as you never let your kids know that.
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nta, you're not the first person to have children because it seemed like the thing to do and wind up loving your children but hating the whole lifestyle.
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nta at all. it's taboo to admit it, but the age of anonymity on the internet has revealed just how many hundreds of people rush into parenthood because it's what is expected and then deeply regret it. you are not alone, wrong or an asshole. everyone telling you that those thoughts are best kept to yourself is part of the problem. everyone wants to hide what an absolute horror parenthood can be, so all that's left is the gooey hallmark romantic portrayal of what it's like to have kids and that...is not the reality. just like it's not true that "it's different when it's your own" or "you can't help but love your own kid" or "it's just instinct!" keeping the dirty details of pregnancy, child birth and parenthood hush hush is exactly why we have so many people who are miserable because they regret having kids.
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nta. people need to be more honest about the reality of having children. it’s not for everyone and the more people who speak up about that, the better. for those on the fence about kids or who don’t want them, but feel like they are supposed to, stories like yours are so important.
i’m sorry you had kids and don’t have the support you need to raise them. i applaud you doing the work to give them good lives and i hope that sometime in the near future, you can bring some focus back to your own needs and wants and dreams.
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nah. people don't like to admit that they regret having kids, i think it's far more common that people make out, but that degree of honesty is obviously kinda shocking to most people.
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nta. unpopular opinions are often ill received, but no less true.
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nta.
the real ah is your ex that pressured you into having them and then abandoning you all.
when having kids, it has to be a "fuck yeah!" or "fuck no" sort of situation. people can't be wishy washy about having kids as once they are out of the body, bam! there's a financial and emotional responsibility for 18+ years. **you were right to express your honest opinion to your sister,** as kids are not like the kodak photos.
it takes time, effort, money, and determination to be a decent parent. if a person is not willing to sacrifice everything for their kids, then maybe they should not be parents.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have three children, 4,2,8months. their father left when i was pregnant with the youngest. i work long shifts and have to do everything by myself. their father is unemployed so we don't get any support from him meaning i have to work longer hours. i love my children but lately i've just found myself so emotionally drained and tired. my sister is thinking of having children and asked me my opinion and i said "having children is great, if you have the patience, i was pressured into having my three and i regret it every day, don't get me wrong i absolutely love my children but you have to be a certain type of person" i was never motherly, i only had children because it was seen as the "*right*" thing to do. ***i love my children, they're well cared for.*** my sister looked at me like i kicked a puppy, apparently i'm an asshole for even thinking what i did. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have three children, 4,2,8months. their father left when i was pregnant with the youngest. i work long shifts and have to do everything by myself. their father is unemployed so we don't get any support from him meaning i have to work longer hours. i love my children but lately i've just found myself so emotionally drained and tired. my sister is thinking of having children and asked me my opinion and i said "having children is great, if you have the patience, i was pressured into having my three and i regret it every day, don't get me wrong i absolutely love my children but you have to be a certain type of person" i was never motherly, i only had children because it was seen as the "*right*" thing to do. ***i love my children, they're well cared for.*** my sister looked at me like i kicked a puppy, apparently i'm an asshole for even thinking what i did. aita? [/INST] nta people love to pretend like children are the one true blessing, and for some people they are. but they are also expensive, time consuming, emotionally and physically draining, and sometimes isolating. and it's okay to love your children while still wishing you had made different choices. it's an uncomfortable reality of parenthood and, likewise, just being a human being. </s>
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AITA for not wanting my bf to open other people’s packages?
|
basically this. my bf of 4 years gets excited when i get packages from online shopping and he wants to see what they are. at first i was kind of bummed, but eventually led to him ruining his own birthday or anniversary gifts so i eventually had to give him a “heads up” whenever i had a gift for him in the mail. to me, it’s super frustrating because it takes away any element of surprise if i ever want to get him something just because, and also because i like to open up stuff that i get. his reasoning for this is that he gets excited when packages come, and that it feels like he’s a kid opening a present on christmas or his birthday. i told him that he can order his own stuff online then, and that it was selfish because when he opened up my stuff that meant that his happy moment takes away from mine when i get home and see that he already opened it and the package is ripped up and the stuff i ordered out of the box already. we recently moved in with his grandparents while we finish up school, and his mom gets her mail here too. now he started opening her packages to see what she gets, and i told him to stop. sometimes she facetimes him to open it for her, and i told him that only in those moments is he to open her packages because he has permission.
well, i got my sister in law (my brothers wife) a cute little music box for her birthday and i was excited for it. i asked him to get the mail because i had that in the mailbox and i don’t want it to get warped bu the heat, and he was upset that i didn’t tell him about it when i got it??? i didn’t think it was a big deal because it was like $10 and i’m usually the one who takes care of gifts for peoples birthdays or christmas anyways that was already weird but whatever???? so he brings it to me and automatically almost rips it open when i told him to wait because i wanted to see if the package alone was cute enough to not wrap it and just give it to her like that. it wasn’t, so i said go ahead but just the top wrapping. he gets excited and says “omg can i see it?!!” and i got furious as i told him,”see this is why i don’t tell you anything. no. this is hers and you shouldn’t be opening the box. how shitty is it that she opens her gift to see that it’s already been opened??” he got so mad at me that he stayed quiet and left the room. he hasn’t talked to me since and it’s been about an hour. am i the asshole for yelling at him or for telling him not to open other people’s packages? am i overreacting on this and it’s normal for people to do that??? i’m so upset that i want to cry but i feel like i might be overreacting.
| 503 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pis3nd/aita_for_not_wanting_my_bf_to_open_other_peoples/
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2021-09-06 04:15:44
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nta and a part of me is really petty and thinks you should get a glitter bomb. let him learn the hard way not to open someone else’s package.
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nta
is your boyfriend 4 years old? i ask because my kindergarten age nephew has better self control than he does.
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nta i feel like you need to scar him for life about opening things that aren’t his. get the biggest dildo you can find. lol
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[deleted]
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nta. your bf is acting like a child. opening other peoples mail is a crime in most places.
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nta. get a p.o. box and have all your packages delivered there. you have told him repeatedly to stop doing something you dislike and that you find disrespectful and he won't because he likes doing it. he is the asshole.
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nta dude seriously needs some self control
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nta. and it is illegal to open other people's mail. he's a jackass.
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nta. you are exactly right. he needs to respect your property which he does not nor your sense of privacy and is behaving like a child.
i get lots of packages and my partner is curious but never opens it. he may sit down next to me to see what it is but if i say it’s something for him or a surprise he walks away because it’s a moment for us as a couple when it’s time to celebrate that he can see how much i appreciate him
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nta and i would consider this behavior a red flag for future issues if you are planning a long term relationship here. it's not just about a lack of self control, but also about a lack of respect for other people's privacy, and the biggest issue is a lack of understanding and accepting the word no.
if he gets this "upset" at being told no over that, then what will happen next time when it's something more important?
i think you really need to take a step back and really reevaluate the situation.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: basically this. my bf of 4 years gets excited when i get packages from online shopping and he wants to see what they are. at first i was kind of bummed, but eventually led to him ruining his own birthday or anniversary gifts so i eventually had to give him a “heads up” whenever i had a gift for him in the mail. to me, it’s super frustrating because it takes away any element of surprise if i ever want to get him something just because, and also because i like to open up stuff that i get. his reasoning for this is that he gets excited when packages come, and that it feels like he’s a kid opening a present on christmas or his birthday. i told him that he can order his own stuff online then, and that it was selfish because when he opened up my stuff that meant that his happy moment takes away from mine when i get home and see that he already opened it and the package is ripped up and the stuff i ordered out of the box already. we recently moved in with his grandparents while we finish up school, and his mom gets her mail here too. now he started opening her packages to see what she gets, and i told him to stop. sometimes she facetimes him to open it for her, and i told him that only in those moments is he to open her packages because he has permission. well, i got my sister in law (my brothers wife) a cute little music box for her birthday and i was excited for it. i asked him to get the mail because i had that in the mailbox and i don’t want it to get warped bu the heat, and he was upset that i didn’t tell him about it when i got it??? i didn’t think it was a big deal because it was like $10 and i’m usually the one who takes care of gifts for peoples birthdays or christmas anyways that was already weird but whatever???? so he brings it to me and automatically almost rips it open when i told him to wait because i wanted to see if the package alone was cute enough to not wrap it and just give it to her like that. it wasn’t, so i said go ahead but just the top wrapping. he gets excited and says “omg can i see it?!!” and i got furious as i told him,”see this is why i don’t tell you anything. no. this is hers and you shouldn’t be opening the box. how shitty is it that she opens her gift to see that it’s already been opened??” he got so mad at me that he stayed quiet and left the room. he hasn’t talked to me since and it’s been about an hour. am i the asshole for yelling at him or for telling him not to open other people’s packages? am i overreacting on this and it’s normal for people to do that??? i’m so upset that i want to cry but i feel like i might be overreacting.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
basically this. my bf of 4 years gets excited when i get packages from online shopping and he wants to see what they are. at first i was kind of bummed, but eventually led to him ruining his own birthday or anniversary gifts so i eventually had to give him a “heads up” whenever i had a gift for him in the mail. to me, it’s super frustrating because it takes away any element of surprise if i ever want to get him something just because, and also because i like to open up stuff that i get. his reasoning for this is that he gets excited when packages come, and that it feels like he’s a kid opening a present on christmas or his birthday. i told him that he can order his own stuff online then, and that it was selfish because when he opened up my stuff that meant that his happy moment takes away from mine when i get home and see that he already opened it and the package is ripped up and the stuff i ordered out of the box already. we recently moved in with his grandparents while we finish up school, and his mom gets her mail here too. now he started opening her packages to see what she gets, and i told him to stop. sometimes she facetimes him to open it for her, and i told him that only in those moments is he to open her packages because he has permission. well, i got my sister in law (my brothers wife) a cute little music box for her birthday and i was excited for it. i asked him to get the mail because i had that in the mailbox and i don’t want it to get warped bu the heat, and he was upset that i didn’t tell him about it when i got it??? i didn’t think it was a big deal because it was like $10 and i’m usually the one who takes care of gifts for peoples birthdays or christmas anyways that was already weird but whatever???? so he brings it to me and automatically almost rips it open when i told him to wait because i wanted to see if the package alone was cute enough to not wrap it and just give it to her like that. it wasn’t, so i said go ahead but just the top wrapping. he gets excited and says “omg can i see it?!!” and i got furious as i told him,”see this is why i don’t tell you anything. no. this is hers and you shouldn’t be opening the box. how shitty is it that she opens her gift to see that it’s already been opened??” he got so mad at me that he stayed quiet and left the room. he hasn’t talked to me since and it’s been about an hour. am i the asshole for yelling at him or for telling him not to open other people’s packages? am i overreacting on this and it’s normal for people to do that??? i’m so upset that i want to cry but i feel like i might be overreacting. [/INST] nta and a part of me is really petty and thinks you should get a glitter bomb. let him learn the hard way not to open someone else’s package. </s>
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AITA for pointing out that I’ve had more sex than my friend?
|
sorry, mobile
so i have had a boyfriend for 2 years, my friend has had 5 one night stands with different guys over the last few years. she also lost her virginity before i did. she is very open with her sex life and will talk with anyone about sex. no big deal, i don’t care what she does.
but with this for some reason, everyone thinks she is super good at sex, while i’ve always been labeled the vanilla one of the group as i don’t discuss my sex life much. again, not a huge deal.
but the other day i was facetiming my friend and she’s talking about sex, we both know everything about each other’s sex lives because we’re pretty close and don’t mind talking about it with each other. but then, she starts talking about how she could give me pointers. i’m immediately confused, because i’m talking to someone who has only had sex a total of 5 times, meanwhile i’ve been having sex with my boyfriend consistently for the last two years.
so i stop her and remind her that at this point i’ve had more sex than her and that i didn’t really need pointers.
she got really offended and said that i didn’t have to bring that up and i was an asshole. she hung up and i’m wondering if i’m somehow in the wrong for pointing that out? aita?
| 582 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gh7b69/aita_for_pointing_out_that_ive_had_more_sex_than/
|
2020-05-10 19:02:58
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nta. who tries to give pointers without being asked first?
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nta. i don't even know what this shit is. unless you've been complaining about how your sex life sucks, then she's got no reason to assume that you need pointers.
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nta -she brought it up and was bein condescending. plus it's not like there's smn wrong w having less sex than someone else. and if it was a touchy topic, she shouldn't have mentioned it. i dont understand how she's thinking youre an a.
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[deleted]
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nta. no idea why she would be upset. she was being presumptuous thinking you'd want tips from her anyway, and all you did was point out that she's not necessarily qualified to be giving pointers out. she's jealous you're in a committed relationship
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nta. it’s common sense that you have had a sexual partner longer than she has. if she is so insecure about it, possibly could be jealous about not having a bf, who knows.
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nta. she's gotten so used to her fake persona that she tried to bs you as if you didn't know her for real, and then got pissy because you called her out on it. she's the ah here for both being condescending to you with her remarks about how she could teach you to be better in bed and then again for getting faux-offended when you called her out on her bs, insulting you and hanging up on you. that's a pretty crappy friend.
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nta. i’m 27 and i have a much younger cousin (18) who still thinks the amount of people you have had sex with = experience.
so she asked once how many people i had been with. i said 7, she said “wow i’ve been with 13 already and i’m way younger than you”
meanwhile i was in an 8 year relationship before, then single for a year, and am currently engaged to my bf of 3 years. and i’m not trying to be judgy but generally people in relationships are more experimental whereas several of hers have been one night stands where she likely only experiences missionary and even less likely, actual orgasms.
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nta at all.
maybe she took it as a dig at her dating history?
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nta
she really shouldn't have offered pointers if she wasn't willing to have her sex life discussed.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: sorry, mobile so i have had a boyfriend for 2 years, my friend has had 5 one night stands with different guys over the last few years. she also lost her virginity before i did. she is very open with her sex life and will talk with anyone about sex. no big deal, i don’t care what she does. but with this for some reason, everyone thinks she is super good at sex, while i’ve always been labeled the vanilla one of the group as i don’t discuss my sex life much. again, not a huge deal. but the other day i was facetiming my friend and she’s talking about sex, we both know everything about each other’s sex lives because we’re pretty close and don’t mind talking about it with each other. but then, she starts talking about how she could give me pointers. i’m immediately confused, because i’m talking to someone who has only had sex a total of 5 times, meanwhile i’ve been having sex with my boyfriend consistently for the last two years. so i stop her and remind her that at this point i’ve had more sex than her and that i didn’t really need pointers. she got really offended and said that i didn’t have to bring that up and i was an asshole. she hung up and i’m wondering if i’m somehow in the wrong for pointing that out? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
sorry, mobile so i have had a boyfriend for 2 years, my friend has had 5 one night stands with different guys over the last few years. she also lost her virginity before i did. she is very open with her sex life and will talk with anyone about sex. no big deal, i don’t care what she does. but with this for some reason, everyone thinks she is super good at sex, while i’ve always been labeled the vanilla one of the group as i don’t discuss my sex life much. again, not a huge deal. but the other day i was facetiming my friend and she’s talking about sex, we both know everything about each other’s sex lives because we’re pretty close and don’t mind talking about it with each other. but then, she starts talking about how she could give me pointers. i’m immediately confused, because i’m talking to someone who has only had sex a total of 5 times, meanwhile i’ve been having sex with my boyfriend consistently for the last two years. so i stop her and remind her that at this point i’ve had more sex than her and that i didn’t really need pointers. she got really offended and said that i didn’t have to bring that up and i was an asshole. she hung up and i’m wondering if i’m somehow in the wrong for pointing that out? aita? [/INST] nta. who tries to give pointers without being asked first? </s>
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AITA for snapping at my fiancée because she left our daughter alone with her alcoholic mom
|
i (28m) do not trust my fiancée’s (26f) mother. at all. this is due to the fact that she is an alcoholic and has been since my fiancée was a kid. my partner has told me numerous stories from her childhood that are horrible. her mom was severely neglectful and her dad ended up taking care of her and her sister full time. my fiancée stopped talking to her mom when she was a teenager but reconnected with her 5 years ago. her mom claims to be in recovery but she still drinks. i don’t have much respect for her whatsoever.
my fiancée and i have a 14 month old daughter. i made it clear from the start of her pregnancy that when our child is born i want her mother to have limited contact and is at no costs allowed to be around our kid unsupervised. my fiancée agreed to this and so far has abided.
that is until yesterday when i came home from work and found my fiancée’s mom and my daughter together, alone. i asked where my fiancée is and her mom said that she went to the grocery store. i’m immediately fired up but manage to keep my cool until my partner gets home and her mom leaves. i ask my partner what the fuck did she think she was doing leaving her mom and our daughter alone together. i told her it was a stupid and irresponsible thing to do. she tried to defend it by saying that she was only gone for 20 minutes. i snapped and said “what kind of mom leaves her kid by themselves with a drunk.” my fiancée called me an asshole and started crying. now she has barely spoken to me.
i guess i’m confused because after all that my fiancée has been through with her mom, i would have thought that she would know better. i just want to protect our daughter. aita?
| 3,424 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nrht6e/aita_for_snapping_at_my_fiancée_because_she_left/
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2021-06-03 16:39:36
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nta
i'm seeing a lot of "it was only twenty minutes", which, yeah, it was only twenty minutes which means there was zero reason for your fiancee to not wait til you got home to leave.
both parents need to agree on who gets to be alone with their child, and your fiancee did agree, and she broke that agreement over a very trivial situation. it was not ok.
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nta, she tripping
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nta, your concerned for your daughter the mother was an abuser and a drunk this should be treated as if something bad would happen. the mother needs to be supervised with her grandchild and your wife didn’t even talk to you about leaving their daughter alone maybe your wife leaves her child alone with others! your wife needs to reevaluate how to be a good mother.
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both you and your fiance want what's best for your daughter.
both you and your fiance have established that her mother's decisions have had a negative impact on her childhood.
info: is there anyone else stepping up to help with daughters care? how often does your wife get out alone?
i think it may be helpful to establish more nuanced guidelines for care. a grocery run is a far cry from overnight, for example.
i think assuring your wife that you think the world if her, that she's a good mom and you both are doing your best to not recreate bad experiences will be helpful. in this instance, she may feel shamed for your reaction because you implied that she directly put your daughter in danger without care. problem solve together how wife's needs can be met and harmonize with other resources for good care for daughter.
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info:
was her mom drunk when she was watching your daughter?
was there an urgent need to get grocery? was there a reason why you couldn’t go get it?
did you actually talked to your fiancée the way you word it?
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nta i don’t know all of the details, but you the parent made the boundary very clear that you did not trust her mom to watch your child. it takes very little time for a child to get hurt, which i say from experience. yes, you could have explained it better. but, if harsh words help your fiancée realize the severity of the risk, so be it. your fiancée may require work on herself to realize appropriate boundaries, particularly given the toxic relationship she had with her mom growing up.
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>my fiancée stopped talking to her mom when she was a teenager but reconnected with her 5 years ago.
parenthood is no place for a mother or father to hash out their own parental issues. your wife can be "supportive" without putting her daughter at risk.
>i made it clear from the start of her pregnancy that when our child is born i want her mother to have limited contact and is at no costs allowed to be around our kid unsupervised. my fiancée agreed to this and so far has abided.
man, i can already see the more stretch armed posters going after you for saying you didn't feel comfortable with a known active alcoholic watching your child, which will be interpreted by some as a "unilateral decision." however, you're reasonable for this and more than that your wife agreed to it.
>i ask my partner what the fuck did she think she was doing leaving her mom and our daughter alone together. i told her it was a stupid and irresponsible thing to do. she tried to defend it by saying that she was only gone for 20 minutes. i snapped and said “what kind of mom leaves her kid by themselves with a drunk.” my fiancée called me an asshole and started crying. now she has barely spoken to me.
you were admittedly harsh, but honestly fuck it nta.
your wife is **rationalizing.**
yeah, sure, it was "just twenty minutes," but a fuck load can happen in twenty minutes and trust me the path of history is paved by the corpses of dead children whose minders were for one reason or another not "paying attention" for even scant few minutes. it's not hard to find reports of toddlers getting out of the house and drowning themselves in the neighbors landscape pond or an inground pool while their grand parent had randomly zonked out on the couch for one reason or another. hell, my highschool had a recovering alcoholic tell us about how one of her children died because she was day drinking and exactly the above happened.
more than any of this it comes across like she was "testing" her mother for the sake of changing the order of things with you. after all, there's no reason her daughter or even her daughter and mother couldn't have come grocery shopping with her. no, she left her daughter with her mother deliberately.
i said above, "parenthood is no place for a mother or father to hash out their own parental issues," and i meant it. your wife cannot play these kind of tests or games with her mother. your wife needs to accept that the lack of trust people have in her mother isn't because they don't "see the real her" or haven't "given her a chance" it's because she is historically an untrustworthy mother and therefore an untrustworthy grandparent. furthermore, even if she has changed it is just straight up ludicrous to test that out with a living, breathing, human being. she is implying with her actions that she'd rather her mother have a chance to prove herself for the sake of your wifes own wishes of her mother than to have her child be safe and sound.
even if i'm wrong on your wifes motivations this shows a ludicrously skewed sense of priorities, which rather vindicates what you said to her.
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oof this is tough. nta for being angry but it sounds like you were kinda an ah in how you spoke to her. “what kind of mother does [xyz]” is not helpful communication. apologize for how you spoke to her and then emphasize why you were so upset and clarify the necessary boundaries.
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hi, abused daughter of an alcoholic mother here. this is going to be an unpopular opinion, but i think a little bit of compassion goes a long way. esh, your fiancé for leaving your daughter with her mom and you for your reaction to this, plus for how you approached the situation regarding grandma's level of contact with your daughter.
your fiancé is the one who went through the trauma with her mother, not you. she's the best judge of her own mother's character. the way you said "my fiancé agreed to this and so far has abided" makes me wonder how you talked to her about it. did you have an actual conversation with her where the both of you came to a mutual conclusion, where both of you are active participants, or did you just put forth your demands while she was pregnant with your child? if the latter, she opened up to you about her traumatic experiences, and you used them to put her in the adversarial position when you really didn't need to. was she planning on using her mom as a live-in nanny or something? if my fiancé did this to me, it would cause a lot of resentment and spite on my end. it wouldn't exactly motivate me to enforce the executive decision made in this conversation.
the comment you made about her being a bad mother was too far and uncompassionate, and a great way to foster resentment in your relationship.
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nta - you and your wife agreed on something, and she completely broke that trust. if you are uncomfortable with something, she needs to respect that. it's scary to think what could've happened to your child, and the amount of time she was gone doesn't matter. you need to talk together and make sure your wife understands that this is a hard boundary for you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.067375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (28m) do not trust my fiancée’s (26f) mother. at all. this is due to the fact that she is an alcoholic and has been since my fiancée was a kid. my partner has told me numerous stories from her childhood that are horrible. her mom was severely neglectful and her dad ended up taking care of her and her sister full time. my fiancée stopped talking to her mom when she was a teenager but reconnected with her 5 years ago. her mom claims to be in recovery but she still drinks. i don’t have much respect for her whatsoever. my fiancée and i have a 14 month old daughter. i made it clear from the start of her pregnancy that when our child is born i want her mother to have limited contact and is at no costs allowed to be around our kid unsupervised. my fiancée agreed to this and so far has abided. that is until yesterday when i came home from work and found my fiancée’s mom and my daughter together, alone. i asked where my fiancée is and her mom said that she went to the grocery store. i’m immediately fired up but manage to keep my cool until my partner gets home and her mom leaves. i ask my partner what the fuck did she think she was doing leaving her mom and our daughter alone together. i told her it was a stupid and irresponsible thing to do. she tried to defend it by saying that she was only gone for 20 minutes. i snapped and said “what kind of mom leaves her kid by themselves with a drunk.” my fiancée called me an asshole and started crying. now she has barely spoken to me. i guess i’m confused because after all that my fiancée has been through with her mom, i would have thought that she would know better. i just want to protect our daughter. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (28m) do not trust my fiancée’s (26f) mother. at all. this is due to the fact that she is an alcoholic and has been since my fiancée was a kid. my partner has told me numerous stories from her childhood that are horrible. her mom was severely neglectful and her dad ended up taking care of her and her sister full time. my fiancée stopped talking to her mom when she was a teenager but reconnected with her 5 years ago. her mom claims to be in recovery but she still drinks. i don’t have much respect for her whatsoever. my fiancée and i have a 14 month old daughter. i made it clear from the start of her pregnancy that when our child is born i want her mother to have limited contact and is at no costs allowed to be around our kid unsupervised. my fiancée agreed to this and so far has abided. that is until yesterday when i came home from work and found my fiancée’s mom and my daughter together, alone. i asked where my fiancée is and her mom said that she went to the grocery store. i’m immediately fired up but manage to keep my cool until my partner gets home and her mom leaves. i ask my partner what the fuck did she think she was doing leaving her mom and our daughter alone together. i told her it was a stupid and irresponsible thing to do. she tried to defend it by saying that she was only gone for 20 minutes. i snapped and said “what kind of mom leaves her kid by themselves with a drunk.” my fiancée called me an asshole and started crying. now she has barely spoken to me. i guess i’m confused because after all that my fiancée has been through with her mom, i would have thought that she would know better. i just want to protect our daughter. aita? [/INST] nta i'm seeing a lot of "it was only twenty minutes", which, yeah, it was only twenty minutes which means there was zero reason for your fiancee to not wait til you got home to leave. both parents need to agree on who gets to be alone with their child, and your fiancee did agree, and she broke that agreement over a very trivial situation. it was not ok. </s>
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AITA for telling my friend's gf that she did ruin the night when asked?
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i(25f) have a close friend group of 4 (including me) 2 men and another girl, all of us are in committed relationships and live in the same city, this problem is about axl(25m) and his gf, jess (23f). she lives 3 hours away because she's finishing college, we're friendly and everything, no super close, but chill. this happened last week btw.
axl recently won an award on his field and we were pretty excited for him, his family already celebrated him, but jess was unable to attend because she was getting settled in her new apartment, they rotate weekends to see each other and so, jess was supposed to come that one, but said she had so much homework and was unable to, so we(my friends and i) thought it was a good time to celebrate axl alone, i'll admit, we did do it because jess wasn't coming, we rarely go out alone anymore because we're busy on week-days and then he's busy on weekends, we wanted to have something without out partners, like the old times, so we went ahead and decorated one of the guys apartments, bought food, drinks and a cake, axl thought it was a normal hangout, but was so happy and excited when he realized it was for him.
we began early (like 6-7pm) because we all had to see our families next day, we weren't planning on getting drunk, but we had a couple of drinks, around 8-8:30, jess calls axl and tell him she was able to come and she's at his apartment, but he's not there, he tells her she's with us at \[friend's\] apt celebrating him and we can hear her say ''cool! i'm on my way'' and then hangs up. we all get quiet, because we all knew it was supposed to be a no-partner thing, and we were only planning on staying around 9:00 to 9:30 and with jess here, we would have to stay a little more so she wouldn't think we cut it short because of her. nobody said anything to axl, but he knew.
when jess arrived we kept socializing and the other girl did leave at 9:30 because she had to do baby night routine with her husband. i was at the kitchen washing some dishes when jess comes to me and ''jokingly'' says that she feels she ruined the mood and i don't say anything, 5 minutes later she says ''be honest \[op\] did i ruin the mood?'' and i just said ''well.. you kind of did, you're the only partner here and we wanted to have some fun time with him, but no biggie'', she looks offended like she hoped i'd say no?? but anyway, we all leave and axl texted us next morning that she went to stay with her parents because we made her feel ''unwelcome''. my friend and i were talking about that today and we were wondering if i did wrong for saying what i said.
| 5,607 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wtjmwk/aita_for_telling_my_friends_gf_that_she_did_ruin/
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2022-08-20 22:43:48
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yta. she made a joke to cut the tension because you all were being weird and cold to her for no reason. you said nothing instead of the obvious ‘of course not! we’re just a little tired’ or whatever. you had time to hang out with no partners, was it really such a big deal to hang out with jess for an hour? you make it sound like you have no problem with her but it really seems like you don’t like her.
and like...you could have had your friend tell her the gathering was wrapping up and he’d meet her at home if that was actually the case? the whole thing was so weird and passive aggressive.
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nobody told her he had other plans by the sound of her turning up to do their usual thing. nobody asked her to wait at the apartment and let axl meet her there. nobody said she could come but you were already planning on ending it at whatever time so she knew it was the end of the celebration.
i get wanting time with your friends without partners, but nobody said anything to this poor girl and you're expecting her to be psychic. she won't have even known no other partners were there for sure as she didn't know it was going on.
yta for not speaking up sooner if you had a preference and also for being rude when she obviously asked to cut some tension with you all clearing up. anyone with an ounce of empathy would know your answer would hurt, you had the perfect chance to say, "not at all, we were all planning an early finish anyway!" but instead, chose to be unnecessarily hurtful.
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i'm going to say nta for a couple reasons.
first, she told him she couldn't make it, and didn't let him know her plans changed. she knew that he had won something, and should have known that he *might* have made other plans because she couldn't come. she should have at least texted, and said "hey, plans changed, mind if i still come out?"
second, when she did call him, and he said he was out with friends, she *invited herself over* rather than asking whether she could join, or saying "okay, i'll see you when you're done" or whatever. don't just invite yourself places like that. it's rude.
third, she *asked* if she ruined the mood. i am a *firm* believer in "don't ask questions you don't want the answer to". if you had just said "hey, fuck you, you're not welcome here", it would be different, but you didn't.
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yta. did you speak up and tell axl that she wasn’t welcome? you said axl knew that she wasn’t welcome (how do you know - you said no one told him?) and he didn’t say anything either. how could she have known in advance that she wasn’t welcome? she’s not a mind reader. it sounds like the night was winding down anyway and one of the people had to leave. the mood had already changed, she didn’t do that. any mood change that was specifically attributed to her was caused by everyone who didn’t bother to just simply let her know it was a quiet hangout that was winding down. yes she asked a specific question, but everyone but her made crappy choices that created the situation. this is one of those situations where a social nicety is appropriate because the person didn’t cause the problem.
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yta - it was no one's fault that this happened and you were making her feel unwelcome for no reason. i get that you wanted to plan something just for "the old gang" but it doesn't sound like that was made clear to jess.
yes it was a bit pushy of her to invite herself over but not completely unreasonable seeing as it was a celebration for her partner with his friends.
the night may not have gone as you planned because jess managed to finish her work early but that isn't her fault and it's unfair to take your disappointment out on her.
sure she did ask for an honest opinion but come on, read between the lines a little bit.
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yta
for your friend's sake.. you don't tell his girlfriend that she ruined your night. this will hurt her no matter how you put it. then, it will hurt him, or his relationship with her. he may really love the girl, and you just put him in an incredible uncomfortable situation.
next time, do what any friend would do, and answer the polite way "no, it's no problem, maybe we're a little tired, it's getting late".
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yta the problem isnt that you answered a question honestly after being asked, its the weird set up of an awkward situation that pushed her out and made her unwelcome.
having a gathering just the three of you is fair but why didnt you just say that?? scheduling it around when she wasnt able to attend instead of just saying "oh shall we do a lil party for just us?" is snakey and insulting.
>we would have to stay a little more so she wouldn't think we cut it short because of her.
or, again, you could just use your words and say "we're only staying till about 9" and she could have just met axl at his, or not come or whatever. its fairly standard that if someone is joining later you tell them how long you plan to be out (tbf its also standard to ask before joining she also loses some communication points here).
>she looks offended like she hoped i'd say no??
of course she was offended. tbh i hate this idea that if you ask a question you cant be offended by the answer. just because she would rather know that you didn't want her there than carry on with you all being silently annoyed, doesnt mean she won't be insulted by the original fact that you didnt want her there and no one told her. it would be weird to subsequently get offended that you said it to her face but the fact in itself is unchanged by the question.
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yta
is the "no partners" things really as serious as this woman driving 3 hours to see her so? sometimes the truth is rude.
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yta. that was a hurtful and unnecessary thing to say. it's weird that you all were so bothered by her presence, and i don't understand why no one could be honest with her either. axl could've let her know this was an "old friends catching up" thing, or you all could've let her know that the evening had a planned end time. jess didn't do anything wrong, so why do you think it's okay to be mean to her?
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yta- get your head out of high school mode, he loves her that is all that should matter to a good friend. stop acting like she is the problem when clearly you are the one with the problem. growup.
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.024 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(25f) have a close friend group of 4 (including me) 2 men and another girl, all of us are in committed relationships and live in the same city, this problem is about axl(25m) and his gf, jess (23f). she lives 3 hours away because she's finishing college, we're friendly and everything, no super close, but chill. this happened last week btw. axl recently won an award on his field and we were pretty excited for him, his family already celebrated him, but jess was unable to attend because she was getting settled in her new apartment, they rotate weekends to see each other and so, jess was supposed to come that one, but said she had so much homework and was unable to, so we(my friends and i) thought it was a good time to celebrate axl alone, i'll admit, we did do it because jess wasn't coming, we rarely go out alone anymore because we're busy on week-days and then he's busy on weekends, we wanted to have something without out partners, like the old times, so we went ahead and decorated one of the guys apartments, bought food, drinks and a cake, axl thought it was a normal hangout, but was so happy and excited when he realized it was for him. we began early (like 6-7pm) because we all had to see our families next day, we weren't planning on getting drunk, but we had a couple of drinks, around 8-8:30, jess calls axl and tell him she was able to come and she's at his apartment, but he's not there, he tells her she's with us at \[friend's\] apt celebrating him and we can hear her say ''cool! i'm on my way'' and then hangs up. we all get quiet, because we all knew it was supposed to be a no-partner thing, and we were only planning on staying around 9:00 to 9:30 and with jess here, we would have to stay a little more so she wouldn't think we cut it short because of her. nobody said anything to axl, but he knew. when jess arrived we kept socializing and the other girl did leave at 9:30 because she had to do baby night routine with her husband. i was at the kitchen washing some dishes when jess comes to me and ''jokingly'' says that she feels she ruined the mood and i don't say anything, 5 minutes later she says ''be honest \[op\] did i ruin the mood?'' and i just said ''well.. you kind of did, you're the only partner here and we wanted to have some fun time with him, but no biggie'', she looks offended like she hoped i'd say no?? but anyway, we all leave and axl texted us next morning that she went to stay with her parents because we made her feel ''unwelcome''. my friend and i were talking about that today and we were wondering if i did wrong for saying what i said.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i(25f) have a close friend group of 4 (including me) 2 men and another girl, all of us are in committed relationships and live in the same city, this problem is about axl(25m) and his gf, jess (23f). she lives 3 hours away because she's finishing college, we're friendly and everything, no super close, but chill. this happened last week btw. axl recently won an award on his field and we were pretty excited for him, his family already celebrated him, but jess was unable to attend because she was getting settled in her new apartment, they rotate weekends to see each other and so, jess was supposed to come that one, but said she had so much homework and was unable to, so we(my friends and i) thought it was a good time to celebrate axl alone, i'll admit, we did do it because jess wasn't coming, we rarely go out alone anymore because we're busy on week-days and then he's busy on weekends, we wanted to have something without out partners, like the old times, so we went ahead and decorated one of the guys apartments, bought food, drinks and a cake, axl thought it was a normal hangout, but was so happy and excited when he realized it was for him. we began early (like 6-7pm) because we all had to see our families next day, we weren't planning on getting drunk, but we had a couple of drinks, around 8-8:30, jess calls axl and tell him she was able to come and she's at his apartment, but he's not there, he tells her she's with us at \[friend's\] apt celebrating him and we can hear her say ''cool! i'm on my way'' and then hangs up. we all get quiet, because we all knew it was supposed to be a no-partner thing, and we were only planning on staying around 9:00 to 9:30 and with jess here, we would have to stay a little more so she wouldn't think we cut it short because of her. nobody said anything to axl, but he knew. when jess arrived we kept socializing and the other girl did leave at 9:30 because she had to do baby night routine with her husband. i was at the kitchen washing some dishes when jess comes to me and ''jokingly'' says that she feels she ruined the mood and i don't say anything, 5 minutes later she says ''be honest \[op\] did i ruin the mood?'' and i just said ''well.. you kind of did, you're the only partner here and we wanted to have some fun time with him, but no biggie'', she looks offended like she hoped i'd say no?? but anyway, we all leave and axl texted us next morning that she went to stay with her parents because we made her feel ''unwelcome''. my friend and i were talking about that today and we were wondering if i did wrong for saying what i said. [/INST] yta. she made a joke to cut the tension because you all were being weird and cold to her for no reason. you said nothing instead of the obvious ‘of course not! we’re just a little tired’ or whatever. you had time to hang out with no partners, was it really such a big deal to hang out with jess for an hour? you make it sound like you have no problem with her but it really seems like you don’t like her. and like...you could have had your friend tell her the gathering was wrapping up and he’d meet her at home if that was actually the case? the whole thing was so weird and passive aggressive. </s>
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AITA for not supporting my girlfriend's plan to cheat her way through college?
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this is a condensed account of an issue i previously posted on relationship advice.
my girlfriend has fairly severe adhd for which she is currently prescribed adderall, and she has previously stayed in a mental hospital for her anxiety and eating disorder. even with her medication, these conditions make it difficult for her to engage with her studies.
that being said, her struggles with school are not solely concentric with her mental health struggles. she seems to have a skewed perspective of the amount of work college demands of a student. to her, two hours of reading is "a lot of work," when in reality three to fours hours a day is the bare minimum for most college students. she has a similarly skewed perspective on research and intellectual pursuits in general; reading two or three articles rarely imparts even a rough understanding of an issue like the intrinsic racism and misogyny of sororities, despite what she might think.
late last week, my girlfriend was facing a big load of pressing work: a looming midnight deadline for a paper, finishing up an already-late assignment, and preparing a presentation for noon the next day. it quickly became clear none of this work could be done in the proper time frame, and she turned to me for help. she asked if i could "edit" her paper, which was soon clearly code for 'do it for her.' i told her there's no way i could write it in time - after all, i have no knowledge on the topic and haven't read any of her assigned articles - but i could certainly be happy to brainstorm with her and proofread her paper before she turns it in. she questioned why i wouldn't at least try to do it for her, to which i said i don't feel comfortable outright cheating and don't think that does anyone any good.
as you could guess by the title, she got upset and became very hostile. she began to craft her argument supporting cheating. here are some of the things she said:
"i know all the information, but sometimes my adhd means i can't just sit down and get it all on paper."
"it's not fair that some people just know how to write well." (of course, she took offense when i implied these assignments force her to work on her writing, which is part of what college is designed to teach.)
"i'm at a disadvantage because of my condition and the disability office doesn't give me enough accommodations. if i'm not given accommodations to make up for the extra difficulties i face, i need to find ways to even out those difficulties myself. sometimes this means someone needs to do my papers for me."
"all college is about is getting a degree to function in the world, so it really doesn't matter whether i do my own work or not."
before long, she said, "fuck you," and told me to "stop being mean to [her]". she said i'm "ableist" and "not as good a person as [she] thought" for not recognizing her 'need' to cheat and for suggesting that she simply might have to work harder than the average student due to her conditions.
am i the asshole?
| 1,373 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m1lipv/aita_for_not_supporting_my_girlfriends_plan_to/
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2021-03-10 01:08:52
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nta. it sounds like she's trying to use her adhd to legitimize cheating. which is never okay.
if she's really concerned she needs to talk to the school and a doctor to get accomodations if her adhd is causing issues, not shoving the work onto her romantic partner.
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[deleted]
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nta. adhd did not in any way prevent me from earning either of my bachelors degrees or my doctorate.
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after she said fuck you, you broke up with her scheming and cheating self, right?
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nta. she needs to talk to the college if she feels she requires more accomodations.
plus she needs to find other ways to manage her own work. if she doesn't like to write maybe she can download a text-to-speech app on her computer and narrate her paper to start with, and then use that as a place to edit from. if she is time blind and can't keep up with deadlines, she needs to learn to break down tasks into manageable chunks and set alarms for herself to stay on track. if she doesn't want to read her assignments, she can get them on audio and listen instead.
adhd is not an excuse to not try. she hasn't bothered to find ways to help herself.
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nta. mental health is not an excuse to cheat. the disability office should help her accordingly to how much help she needs. to top it all off she got hostile towards you, what? because she didn’t want to do *her* paper? please.
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nta and i would not stay in a relationship like this. she wants to use you to do her work and use her issues as an excuse as to why she should be avle to get away with it. notmsomeone i want to be around. ok, off my soap box. if you want to stay with her then help her go over to student counseling and get help and student/ada resources and help her file for necessary and approved accomodations for her disabilities.
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[deleted]
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nta i was going to say she should talk to the accommodations office... but she already has. what you told her is true. if she *needs* to cheat to pass then something’s gone wrong. she could take fewer courses, or test out some new management techniques to find what works for her (coming from someone else with adhd). university is designed to be hard, even for completely healthy neurotypicals. if it’s truly out of her range, maybe it’s time to consider alternate career paths within her desired field.
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nta. please dump her before she uses you more. having adhd is no excuse for being a lazy cheater. i have adhd, and that whole line of excuses is bull.
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this is a condensed account of an issue i previously posted on relationship advice. my girlfriend has fairly severe adhd for which she is currently prescribed adderall, and she has previously stayed in a mental hospital for her anxiety and eating disorder. even with her medication, these conditions make it difficult for her to engage with her studies. that being said, her struggles with school are not solely concentric with her mental health struggles. she seems to have a skewed perspective of the amount of work college demands of a student. to her, two hours of reading is "a lot of work," when in reality three to fours hours a day is the bare minimum for most college students. she has a similarly skewed perspective on research and intellectual pursuits in general; reading two or three articles rarely imparts even a rough understanding of an issue like the intrinsic racism and misogyny of sororities, despite what she might think. late last week, my girlfriend was facing a big load of pressing work: a looming midnight deadline for a paper, finishing up an already-late assignment, and preparing a presentation for noon the next day. it quickly became clear none of this work could be done in the proper time frame, and she turned to me for help. she asked if i could "edit" her paper, which was soon clearly code for 'do it for her.' i told her there's no way i could write it in time - after all, i have no knowledge on the topic and haven't read any of her assigned articles - but i could certainly be happy to brainstorm with her and proofread her paper before she turns it in. she questioned why i wouldn't at least try to do it for her, to which i said i don't feel comfortable outright cheating and don't think that does anyone any good. as you could guess by the title, she got upset and became very hostile. she began to craft her argument supporting cheating. here are some of the things she said: "i know all the information, but sometimes my adhd means i can't just sit down and get it all on paper." "it's not fair that some people just know how to write well." (of course, she took offense when i implied these assignments force her to work on her writing, which is part of what college is designed to teach.) "i'm at a disadvantage because of my condition and the disability office doesn't give me enough accommodations. if i'm not given accommodations to make up for the extra difficulties i face, i need to find ways to even out those difficulties myself. sometimes this means someone needs to do my papers for me." "all college is about is getting a degree to function in the world, so it really doesn't matter whether i do my own work or not." before long, she said, "fuck you," and told me to "stop being mean to [her]". she said i'm "ableist" and "not as good a person as [she] thought" for not recognizing her 'need' to cheat and for suggesting that she simply might have to work harder than the average student due to her conditions. am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this is a condensed account of an issue i previously posted on relationship advice. my girlfriend has fairly severe adhd for which she is currently prescribed adderall, and she has previously stayed in a mental hospital for her anxiety and eating disorder. even with her medication, these conditions make it difficult for her to engage with her studies. that being said, her struggles with school are not solely concentric with her mental health struggles. she seems to have a skewed perspective of the amount of work college demands of a student. to her, two hours of reading is "a lot of work," when in reality three to fours hours a day is the bare minimum for most college students. she has a similarly skewed perspective on research and intellectual pursuits in general; reading two or three articles rarely imparts even a rough understanding of an issue like the intrinsic racism and misogyny of sororities, despite what she might think. late last week, my girlfriend was facing a big load of pressing work: a looming midnight deadline for a paper, finishing up an already-late assignment, and preparing a presentation for noon the next day. it quickly became clear none of this work could be done in the proper time frame, and she turned to me for help. she asked if i could "edit" her paper, which was soon clearly code for 'do it for her.' i told her there's no way i could write it in time - after all, i have no knowledge on the topic and haven't read any of her assigned articles - but i could certainly be happy to brainstorm with her and proofread her paper before she turns it in. she questioned why i wouldn't at least try to do it for her, to which i said i don't feel comfortable outright cheating and don't think that does anyone any good. as you could guess by the title, she got upset and became very hostile. she began to craft her argument supporting cheating. here are some of the things she said: "i know all the information, but sometimes my adhd means i can't just sit down and get it all on paper." "it's not fair that some people just know how to write well." (of course, she took offense when i implied these assignments force her to work on her writing, which is part of what college is designed to teach.) "i'm at a disadvantage because of my condition and the disability office doesn't give me enough accommodations. if i'm not given accommodations to make up for the extra difficulties i face, i need to find ways to even out those difficulties myself. sometimes this means someone needs to do my papers for me." "all college is about is getting a degree to function in the world, so it really doesn't matter whether i do my own work or not." before long, she said, "fuck you," and told me to "stop being mean to [her]". she said i'm "ableist" and "not as good a person as [she] thought" for not recognizing her 'need' to cheat and for suggesting that she simply might have to work harder than the average student due to her conditions. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. it sounds like she's trying to use her adhd to legitimize cheating. which is never okay. if she's really concerned she needs to talk to the school and a doctor to get accomodations if her adhd is causing issues, not shoving the work onto her romantic partner. </s>
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AITA: for telling my boyfriend to return my Christmas gift and get me something more thoughtful?
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okay, so my boyfriend (22m) and i (21f) have been together for about 4-5 years, give or take a few months when we were broken up. we always give each other gifts during birthdays, christmas, etc. usually he gives me thoughtful gifts, but this year, i felt there was no effort whatsoever.
i had been hinting about how i’m really becoming obsessed with jewelry, i.e., necklaces, rings, bracelets, watches, earrings, and that’s all i’ve been constantly talking about. fast forward to yesterday, we went to the mall, and i got him to tell me what he got me (we haven’t had time to give each other our gifts bc we barely see each other due to covid, and we want to give them when we’re at his house, not when we’re rushing). he already knew what i got him, because i suck at keeping secrets especially when i’m excited. i got him a humidifier after slickly inquiring about what he needed/ wanted. i know that’s what he wants, and he confirmed it. that’s why i asked him to tell me what he got me, since i had told him his gift.
he told me money was super tight this year and i wasn’t bothered by that. he told me it’s something small etc, i thought it was gonna be jewelry. he said he got me an amazon gift card... i kinda got disappointed, because 1. he knows how i feel about gifting gift cards or cash (unless it is needed), and especially because i had been so so obvious about wanting jewelry. mind you, the jewelry i wanted costs $5-$50 with most in the $20-$30 range.
i told him thank you but that he should use the amazon gift card to get me something thoughtful, something he would be proud to give me. yes i shop on amazon, but it’s so casual for me and he knows that. i would rather he use it to buy me something thoughtful, from himself as opposed to giving me the gift card to get something for myself, which i do on the daily.
i told him again, it doesn’t have to be big; i don’t care about expensive gifts and will understand if he isn’t financially able to get me a gift as it’s not mandatory, but i just felt like there was 0 effort. absolutely none and i was disappointed and offended. mind you, he is a styling genius. he designs clothes and his sense of fashion is immaculate; he is actually helping me become more knowledgeable in that area and i love that. that’s also another reason i was so disappointed.
am i the asshole for suggesting he use the gift card to buy something actually thoughtful?
*tldr*: boyfriend of 5 years (22m designer) got me an amazon gift card for christmas because money was tight, even though i had expressed extreme interest in (affordable) jewelry that you can get on amazon. disappointed as i felt there was no effort, so i suggested he use it to buy me something thoughtful. aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ksir3x/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriend_to_return_my/
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2021-01-07 18:03:00
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yta. both gifts are practical gifts, trying to act like a humidifier is extremely thoughtful is banana land
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was his gift a zero effort affair? absolutely. does that make him an asshole? maybe. does your demand for a gift you deem acceptable make you an asshole? definitely. yta.
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i'm going with nta. maybe i dont have enough information, but after 5 years with someone, i would expect something a little more personal than a gift card. is he normally a bad gift giver? sometimes people drop "clues" as to what they want, but others dont pick up on it. next time give him a list of exactly what you want or similar items so he can choose (this is in case he doesn't want to buy the wrong style of jewelry).
i know i would be a little hurt if my fiance only got me a gift card. a couple christmases ago my partner got me random objects for christmas that didnt feel personal (two lamps like night lights sort of thing, penguin mug, and candy). i know it's not about the money, but the lamps weren't representative of me (like what i normally like) and i'm not a crazy fan of penguins, so these items did not feel personable. especially after i got them limited edition shoes (that they really wanted but were sold out), shirt from their fav tv show, and a new video game they were looking forward to. it honestly hurt because it felt like they didnt know me at all after 5 years relationship and a 10 year friendship. we had an honest conversation this past christmas because i was honestly hurt that others got more personal gifts and mine were not so much. normally they are a great gift giver, but that year they just didnt know what to get me. so i've been trying to be better at voicing "this is what i like" "this is what i dont like" because they never picked up on my cues.
i may get downvoted for my response, but i get it op. they say it's the thought that counts and it hurts when the gift looks like there is no thought to it. you may be a tiny bit of an ah to tell him to pick something more sentimental out with the gift card, but i think the impersonable gift is a conversation that needed to be discussed at some point.
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yta. you were "disappointed" and "offended" because he gave you a gift card to a place where he knows you like the jewelry they sell. that way you can get exactly what you want.
how is forcing him to buy you exactly what you want after you had a hissy fit going to be thoughtful?
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nta a gift card is an insanely impersonal gift, especially from a boyfriend. everyone saying yta is missing the point, you suggested he get another gift, you did not demand it.
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nta. with limited exceptions, gift cards are the low effort gifts you get in line on your way out of the grocery store because you forgot or don’t pay attention to other person enough to know what they want. gift cards are token gifts for co-workers and estranged family. you don’t give a gift card to an so unless they explicitly tell you they love gift cards or it’s in tandem with something else as a little bonus.
asking for thoughtful effort doesn’t make you the ah. he could have made you a macrame bracelet using $2 worth of string so his financial excuse is bogus.
it’s the thought that counts. he put no thought into it. he knew his gift sucked, which is why he told you money was tight to set you up for disappointment.
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nta - getting an so a generic gift card for christmas after 4-5 years? that’s cold.
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nta i truly don’t understand all these y-t-a comments. personally, i prefer very practical gifts so i love gift cards. however, you prefer gifts that are more personal/tailored to you and your boyfriend should know that after 5 years of being together. i don’t think you’re being at all unreasonable by gently suggesting that he use the money he put towards the gift card to get you something a little more thoughtful.
and, correct me if i’m wrong, but i get the sense that you would appreciate getting any piece of jewelry from him, even if it’s not exactly what you would have picked out yourself, because it’s more the thought that counts.
also time/effort does not equal money. i’ve spent hours making gifts or cards for people because i care about them and i know that they value sentiment over a purchased item. if money was tight, he could have devised another way to be thoughtful. this denotes a total lack of effort to me.
honestly, i think your response is an example of good and needed communication in a relationship. it sounds like you were polite (though of course tone matters) and it establishes healthy expectations for the future.
but have another conversation with your boyfriend—make sure you’re on the same page and that he wasn’t offended by your earlier conversation—and move forward from there.
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esh. yes. being together 5 years would give more insight to a person and gift cards/cash is close to a cop out unless directly asked for. nta part
yta for phrasing. it’s in the moment so you probably didn’t have time to think on this (mistake 1). had you gone home and thought of a batter way of doing this you probably could’ve come up with phrasing of “while i appreciate the effort, i was hoping for something more thoughtful. can you please use that gift card for something that shows more thought and care?”
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nta
i'm completely on your side here. i would be incredibly disappointed if my long term partner just got me a gift card. a gift card is a cop-out gift, everybody knows that. and it's not like you were passive-aggressive or nasty, you just asked him to be more thoughtful. reddit likes to get up in arms about women and presents because obviously, every woman unhappy with a gift is an ungrateful gold digger, don't worry about it too much.
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.522399 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay, so my boyfriend (22m) and i (21f) have been together for about 4-5 years, give or take a few months when we were broken up. we always give each other gifts during birthdays, christmas, etc. usually he gives me thoughtful gifts, but this year, i felt there was no effort whatsoever. i had been hinting about how i’m really becoming obsessed with jewelry, i.e., necklaces, rings, bracelets, watches, earrings, and that’s all i’ve been constantly talking about. fast forward to yesterday, we went to the mall, and i got him to tell me what he got me (we haven’t had time to give each other our gifts bc we barely see each other due to covid, and we want to give them when we’re at his house, not when we’re rushing). he already knew what i got him, because i suck at keeping secrets especially when i’m excited. i got him a humidifier after slickly inquiring about what he needed/ wanted. i know that’s what he wants, and he confirmed it. that’s why i asked him to tell me what he got me, since i had told him his gift. he told me money was super tight this year and i wasn’t bothered by that. he told me it’s something small etc, i thought it was gonna be jewelry. he said he got me an amazon gift card... i kinda got disappointed, because 1. he knows how i feel about gifting gift cards or cash (unless it is needed), and especially because i had been so so obvious about wanting jewelry. mind you, the jewelry i wanted costs $5-$50 with most in the $20-$30 range. i told him thank you but that he should use the amazon gift card to get me something thoughtful, something he would be proud to give me. yes i shop on amazon, but it’s so casual for me and he knows that. i would rather he use it to buy me something thoughtful, from himself as opposed to giving me the gift card to get something for myself, which i do on the daily. i told him again, it doesn’t have to be big; i don’t care about expensive gifts and will understand if he isn’t financially able to get me a gift as it’s not mandatory, but i just felt like there was 0 effort. absolutely none and i was disappointed and offended. mind you, he is a styling genius. he designs clothes and his sense of fashion is immaculate; he is actually helping me become more knowledgeable in that area and i love that. that’s also another reason i was so disappointed. am i the asshole for suggesting he use the gift card to buy something actually thoughtful? *tldr*: boyfriend of 5 years (22m designer) got me an amazon gift card for christmas because money was tight, even though i had expressed extreme interest in (affordable) jewelry that you can get on amazon. disappointed as i felt there was no effort, so i suggested he use it to buy me something thoughtful. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay, so my boyfriend (22m) and i (21f) have been together for about 4-5 years, give or take a few months when we were broken up. we always give each other gifts during birthdays, christmas, etc. usually he gives me thoughtful gifts, but this year, i felt there was no effort whatsoever. i had been hinting about how i’m really becoming obsessed with jewelry, i.e., necklaces, rings, bracelets, watches, earrings, and that’s all i’ve been constantly talking about. fast forward to yesterday, we went to the mall, and i got him to tell me what he got me (we haven’t had time to give each other our gifts bc we barely see each other due to covid, and we want to give them when we’re at his house, not when we’re rushing). he already knew what i got him, because i suck at keeping secrets especially when i’m excited. i got him a humidifier after slickly inquiring about what he needed/ wanted. i know that’s what he wants, and he confirmed it. that’s why i asked him to tell me what he got me, since i had told him his gift. he told me money was super tight this year and i wasn’t bothered by that. he told me it’s something small etc, i thought it was gonna be jewelry. he said he got me an amazon gift card... i kinda got disappointed, because 1. he knows how i feel about gifting gift cards or cash (unless it is needed), and especially because i had been so so obvious about wanting jewelry. mind you, the jewelry i wanted costs $5-$50 with most in the $20-$30 range. i told him thank you but that he should use the amazon gift card to get me something thoughtful, something he would be proud to give me. yes i shop on amazon, but it’s so casual for me and he knows that. i would rather he use it to buy me something thoughtful, from himself as opposed to giving me the gift card to get something for myself, which i do on the daily. i told him again, it doesn’t have to be big; i don’t care about expensive gifts and will understand if he isn’t financially able to get me a gift as it’s not mandatory, but i just felt like there was 0 effort. absolutely none and i was disappointed and offended. mind you, he is a styling genius. he designs clothes and his sense of fashion is immaculate; he is actually helping me become more knowledgeable in that area and i love that. that’s also another reason i was so disappointed. am i the asshole for suggesting he use the gift card to buy something actually thoughtful? *tldr*: boyfriend of 5 years (22m designer) got me an amazon gift card for christmas because money was tight, even though i had expressed extreme interest in (affordable) jewelry that you can get on amazon. disappointed as i felt there was no effort, so i suggested he use it to buy me something thoughtful. aita? [/INST] yta. both gifts are practical gifts, trying to act like a humidifier is extremely thoughtful is banana land </s>
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AITA for naming my dog a baby nickname
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so my friend,g, had a baby last year in june, little boy she named alistair. she often calls him by the nickname bug. g and i have been best friends sine we were about a month old, so almost 30 years now. i have a 7 year old german shorthaired pointer named rayne bug i'm sure you have an idea of where this is going.
the issue arouse last week when she brought her son over and was hanging out. the entire time she was here she referred to him solely as bug. my dog kept running to her and nudging her every time g said bug. the poor dog was visibly confused and upset over being shooed and scolded for simply coming to her name, she even started whining. g got really irritated and told me i needed to lock rayne bug up, i refused. i told g that it's rayne bugs house too and there wouldn't be any issues if sh just stopped using the nickname. g got really upset and said i was being inconsiderate & telling her how to parent. she quickly gathered up alistair and left . i was honestly pretty irritated.
a few hours later g texted me and said i should change my dogs name and train her not to respond to bug anymore, as it was her son's nickname. i told her that i absolutely was not going to change my dogs name, that she just needed to refrain from using the nickname around my dog .she responded alistair's nickname developed naturally and i was being selfish for prioritizing my dog over her son. that's when i lost it. i responded that she was the one who was being ridiculous, it's a freaking nickname and if she felt that strongly about it maybe it was best if she just didn't bring her son around to confuse my "actual legal rayne bug."
my fiance says i over reacted, that bug is a pretty common kids nickname and that my best friend is just a little "new mom frazzled". i maintain she crossed a line.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pujy4y/aita_for_naming_my_dog_a_baby_nickname/
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2021-09-24 13:37:46
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nta. uh your dog had the name first. and it’s not like you can just train her to not react to her own damn name. it’s too late. that’s her name. your friend could have at least just called her kid alistair while she was there and used the nickname at home but she had to go and make a big deal out of it. and i’m kind of upset she scolded your dog to the point of crying, that sucks.
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she expects you to prioritise her child over your pet? i'm guessing she knew your dog's name before she started calling her son that so no you're nta she is.
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nta and i'm really tired of new parents who think the entire world needs to stop because they had a baby.
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nta. it was your dogs name/nickname first and she knew that. she created this problem for herself. she can change the babies nickname if she finds it so irritating. asking you to change your dogs name, which they know and respond to, is super unreasonable.
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nta. i’m assuming you’ve had the dog for longer than she has had a kid, so if anything she has nicknamed her child after your dog
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nta. dog had the name first. after 7 years, it would be extremely confusing to change the dog's name. your friend is being ridiculous.
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nta and i've personally never heard a child's nickname being bug. your dog had the name first anyway and the child has a proper name to be called by instead
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nta
it is pretty entitled to use the name of a 7 year old dog for your infant, and then expect them to change the dog's name.
i am not even going to go into what a bad choice "bug" is for a child's nickname. it probably won't live on past pre-kindergaten anyway.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my friend,g, had a baby last year in june, little boy she named alistair. she often calls him by the nickname bug. g and i have been best friends sine we were about a month old, so almost 30 years now. i have a 7 year old german shorthaired pointer named rayne bug i'm sure you have an idea of where this is going. the issue arouse last week when she brought her son over and was hanging out. the entire time she was here she referred to him solely as bug. my dog kept running to her and nudging her every time g said bug. the poor dog was visibly confused and upset over being shooed and scolded for simply coming to her name, she even started whining. g got really irritated and told me i needed to lock rayne bug up, i refused. i told g that it's rayne bugs house too and there wouldn't be any issues if sh just stopped using the nickname. g got really upset and said i was being inconsiderate & telling her how to parent. she quickly gathered up alistair and left . i was honestly pretty irritated. a few hours later g texted me and said i should change my dogs name and train her not to respond to bug anymore, as it was her son's nickname. i told her that i absolutely was not going to change my dogs name, that she just needed to refrain from using the nickname around my dog .she responded alistair's nickname developed naturally and i was being selfish for prioritizing my dog over her son. that's when i lost it. i responded that she was the one who was being ridiculous, it's a freaking nickname and if she felt that strongly about it maybe it was best if she just didn't bring her son around to confuse my "actual legal rayne bug." my fiance says i over reacted, that bug is a pretty common kids nickname and that my best friend is just a little "new mom frazzled". i maintain she crossed a line.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my friend,g, had a baby last year in june, little boy she named alistair. she often calls him by the nickname bug. g and i have been best friends sine we were about a month old, so almost 30 years now. i have a 7 year old german shorthaired pointer named rayne bug i'm sure you have an idea of where this is going. the issue arouse last week when she brought her son over and was hanging out. the entire time she was here she referred to him solely as bug. my dog kept running to her and nudging her every time g said bug. the poor dog was visibly confused and upset over being shooed and scolded for simply coming to her name, she even started whining. g got really irritated and told me i needed to lock rayne bug up, i refused. i told g that it's rayne bugs house too and there wouldn't be any issues if sh just stopped using the nickname. g got really upset and said i was being inconsiderate & telling her how to parent. she quickly gathered up alistair and left . i was honestly pretty irritated. a few hours later g texted me and said i should change my dogs name and train her not to respond to bug anymore, as it was her son's nickname. i told her that i absolutely was not going to change my dogs name, that she just needed to refrain from using the nickname around my dog .she responded alistair's nickname developed naturally and i was being selfish for prioritizing my dog over her son. that's when i lost it. i responded that she was the one who was being ridiculous, it's a freaking nickname and if she felt that strongly about it maybe it was best if she just didn't bring her son around to confuse my "actual legal rayne bug." my fiance says i over reacted, that bug is a pretty common kids nickname and that my best friend is just a little "new mom frazzled". i maintain she crossed a line. [/INST] nta. uh your dog had the name first. and it’s not like you can just train her to not react to her own damn name. it’s too late. that’s her name. your friend could have at least just called her kid alistair while she was there and used the nickname at home but she had to go and make a big deal out of it. and i’m kind of upset she scolded your dog to the point of crying, that sucks. </s>
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AITA for not giving a kidney to my father
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my (23f) father (71m) has chronic kidney disease and needs a kidney transplant for survival. he has three older kids (half siblings) but none of them are compatible. i have the same blood type but haven't tested for compatibility yet. his blood type, coupled with comorbidities (fatty liver from alcohol consumption) make him an unlikely donor recipient in my country.
we met this year. my mom told me he was dead when i was a child because he didn't want to be in my life. she told me the truth when i was 18 and i found out he was still alive, had other kids, and where he lived. after pondering, i decided not to contact him. i always lived in the same city and house growing up, so he knew where to find me and never tried. his name is not on my birth certificate. my mom's bil has been my dad for everything that counts.
a few years ago i met my father's nephew (his wife's nephew, 28m), 'max'. we became friends without knowing about the link and eventually started dating. been together for two years. when we found out about the link, i told him i didn't want my dad knowing about me and he respected my decision. they are fairly close because max's dad died when he was a teen and my father became his main male role model.
i got pretty sick a few months ago and had to be hospitalized for three weeks. my father heard that max's gf (me) was very sick (she used the word 'dying') from my half sister so he went to offer support. figured who i was (he did know my name, plus i am copy of my mom) and lost it. he insulted me and my boyfriend. called me a gold digger and him an idiot for thinking i got close to him w/o knowing who he was. up to this point, i didn't even know they were rich. i knew they were well off, but max works his ass off, and never talks about money. we don't live together and both lived abroad before the pandemic. i recently graduated uni, studied with a full scholarship abroad, worked and saved enough to pay for my masters. even then, my mom's legacy is substantial so i'm not worried at all for my future financially.
max eventually forgave him and trusts i am not with him due to money. my father asked for forgiveness and i told him i was willing to be cordial with him for max's sake but that i would never see him as a dad figure and i wanted nothing from him. today he talked to max, said his kidneys were failing and he would be hospitalized until a kidney becomes available. max has asked me to test for compatibility before making a decision. i told him that it wasn't necessary cause i'm not giving away a kidney. he got angry and said that this was a life or death situation, and that i could at least think about it. i am extremely distressed that he would even asked that of me and told him to fuck off. i know people can live with one kidney, but every surgery comes with risks, and pregnancy does become higher risk. aita for not giving an organ to someone that's contributed nothing but his sperm to my life?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/piodzz/aita_for_not_giving_a_kidney_to_my_father/
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2021-09-06 00:06:49
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nta. but if you want to escape the pressure say you will get tested and tell the dr that your being pressured and you dont want to donate. the dr will then tell them you’re not compatible
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nta. and don’t do the test, nothing good can come of it if you’re set on not donating. but… honestly you and your bf aren’t set up for success here. there is soooo much baggage between you two. tbh, some therapy would be really recommended, and now rather than later.
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your boyfriend feels like you should give up a body part when you don’t want to???????
girl run.
nta.
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nta. donors often die from complications - live donation should never be entered into lightly. your father has lived a long life and has no right to your organs simply because he fathered you.
if you want to get around this sensitively - tell the doctor you’re being pressured to donate and they will simply say you’re incompatible.
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nope, nta.
do you think the realization of your shared genetics and possibility of being a donor had anything to do with his decision to apologize in the first place?
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hi!! living kidney donor here, who had a perfectly healthy pregnancy post donation! if you are healthy, you have nothing to worry about there. (
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nta. max should respect your decision regarding your body. as you said every surgery comes with a risk. i doubt your father would reciprocate if it was you in the situation. this man doesn't care about you. don't sacrifice apart of your body for him. if max can't understand that then he is not the right person for you.
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nta, and i am even suspicious if the father might have had some clue about his health when he made that statement about forgiving him. but, i can empathize with max and his thought process and he is your so, so i do think you need to sit him down and explain your feelings and decision process. he may not agree, but if you are going to build a great relationship long-term, you should be willing to share your feelings about things so at least he can respect that you are taking his feelings into account, etc. but in the end, it's your body.
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this is going to end your relationship with max, but you should not give your kidney to that man. nta
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i wouldn’t even test for compatibility. you’re a “gold digger”, remember? funny now that he (and your dude max) now want something even more valuable from you than money.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (23f) father (71m) has chronic kidney disease and needs a kidney transplant for survival. he has three older kids (half siblings) but none of them are compatible. i have the same blood type but haven't tested for compatibility yet. his blood type, coupled with comorbidities (fatty liver from alcohol consumption) make him an unlikely donor recipient in my country. we met this year. my mom told me he was dead when i was a child because he didn't want to be in my life. she told me the truth when i was 18 and i found out he was still alive, had other kids, and where he lived. after pondering, i decided not to contact him. i always lived in the same city and house growing up, so he knew where to find me and never tried. his name is not on my birth certificate. my mom's bil has been my dad for everything that counts. a few years ago i met my father's nephew (his wife's nephew, 28m), 'max'. we became friends without knowing about the link and eventually started dating. been together for two years. when we found out about the link, i told him i didn't want my dad knowing about me and he respected my decision. they are fairly close because max's dad died when he was a teen and my father became his main male role model. i got pretty sick a few months ago and had to be hospitalized for three weeks. my father heard that max's gf (me) was very sick (she used the word 'dying') from my half sister so he went to offer support. figured who i was (he did know my name, plus i am copy of my mom) and lost it. he insulted me and my boyfriend. called me a gold digger and him an idiot for thinking i got close to him w/o knowing who he was. up to this point, i didn't even know they were rich. i knew they were well off, but max works his ass off, and never talks about money. we don't live together and both lived abroad before the pandemic. i recently graduated uni, studied with a full scholarship abroad, worked and saved enough to pay for my masters. even then, my mom's legacy is substantial so i'm not worried at all for my future financially. max eventually forgave him and trusts i am not with him due to money. my father asked for forgiveness and i told him i was willing to be cordial with him for max's sake but that i would never see him as a dad figure and i wanted nothing from him. today he talked to max, said his kidneys were failing and he would be hospitalized until a kidney becomes available. max has asked me to test for compatibility before making a decision. i told him that it wasn't necessary cause i'm not giving away a kidney. he got angry and said that this was a life or death situation, and that i could at least think about it. i am extremely distressed that he would even asked that of me and told him to fuck off. i know people can live with one kidney, but every surgery comes with risks, and pregnancy does become higher risk. aita for not giving an organ to someone that's contributed nothing but his sperm to my life?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (23f) father (71m) has chronic kidney disease and needs a kidney transplant for survival. he has three older kids (half siblings) but none of them are compatible. i have the same blood type but haven't tested for compatibility yet. his blood type, coupled with comorbidities (fatty liver from alcohol consumption) make him an unlikely donor recipient in my country. we met this year. my mom told me he was dead when i was a child because he didn't want to be in my life. she told me the truth when i was 18 and i found out he was still alive, had other kids, and where he lived. after pondering, i decided not to contact him. i always lived in the same city and house growing up, so he knew where to find me and never tried. his name is not on my birth certificate. my mom's bil has been my dad for everything that counts. a few years ago i met my father's nephew (his wife's nephew, 28m), 'max'. we became friends without knowing about the link and eventually started dating. been together for two years. when we found out about the link, i told him i didn't want my dad knowing about me and he respected my decision. they are fairly close because max's dad died when he was a teen and my father became his main male role model. i got pretty sick a few months ago and had to be hospitalized for three weeks. my father heard that max's gf (me) was very sick (she used the word 'dying') from my half sister so he went to offer support. figured who i was (he did know my name, plus i am copy of my mom) and lost it. he insulted me and my boyfriend. called me a gold digger and him an idiot for thinking i got close to him w/o knowing who he was. up to this point, i didn't even know they were rich. i knew they were well off, but max works his ass off, and never talks about money. we don't live together and both lived abroad before the pandemic. i recently graduated uni, studied with a full scholarship abroad, worked and saved enough to pay for my masters. even then, my mom's legacy is substantial so i'm not worried at all for my future financially. max eventually forgave him and trusts i am not with him due to money. my father asked for forgiveness and i told him i was willing to be cordial with him for max's sake but that i would never see him as a dad figure and i wanted nothing from him. today he talked to max, said his kidneys were failing and he would be hospitalized until a kidney becomes available. max has asked me to test for compatibility before making a decision. i told him that it wasn't necessary cause i'm not giving away a kidney. he got angry and said that this was a life or death situation, and that i could at least think about it. i am extremely distressed that he would even asked that of me and told him to fuck off. i know people can live with one kidney, but every surgery comes with risks, and pregnancy does become higher risk. aita for not giving an organ to someone that's contributed nothing but his sperm to my life? [/INST] nta. but if you want to escape the pressure say you will get tested and tell the dr that your being pressured and you dont want to donate. the dr will then tell them you’re not compatible </s>
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AITA for saying we can send our dog to daycare?
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i (29f) was recently promoted and part of that means that now i have to travel for work every fortnight. i live with my partner (29m) and we have a dog that we adopted 7 months ago. i work from home most of the time but my toc are based on me being office based, but since the pandemic started my work has been fine with me wfh. partner sometimes has to visit site and his office, but the majority of the time he is wfh as well.
partner is pissed at me saying he can't guarantee he will be able to wfh the 4 days a month i won't be home. i suggested we try the doggy day care near us, see if that would work. he thinks ita for suggesting it. he thinks i should tell my manager i can't travel that often and that i have prior commitments. but in my mind they can turn around and say technically i should be in the office everyday and that i need to start doing that.
i might be ta because i've not tried going back to my manager about it, to me it shouldn't be that big of a deal for either him to wfh 4 days a month or for us to send doggo to daycare for 4 days a month. he thinks i'm not taking our family into consideration and i'm wondering if he's right.
aita?
| 676 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s1fur7/aita_for_saying_we_can_send_our_dog_to_daycare/
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2022-01-11 15:43:35
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nta. sending your dog to day care is a good way to socialize too if it's a good establishment.
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y t a until you pay the dog tax.
seriously, though, nta, and you should not talk to your manager about this unless you want to rescind the promotion. your partner is being ridiculous. 4 days/month isn't going to harm the doggo, and it sounds like it won't necessarily be *all* 4 days *every* month anyway.
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nta. lots of people, who don’t wfh, have dogs. those dogs stay home while we work…
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nta - this doesn’t sound like “the dog requires that you don’t travel.” it’s very possible this is your bf’s insecurity and he’s using the dog as the reason. do not tell your manager you need to travel less for the dog. don’t be that employee. it’s a dog. they have places to watch and walk your dog. ask your bf why he’s worried about your travel . . . the real reason. if he is that insecure, the dog isn’t the problem.
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nta. if those are the terms of your promotion then those are the terms. it seems rather unfair of your partner to put all this on you since he also has a job that requires him to be in the office at times, why can’t he go to work and ask for those particular days off? and what is his plan for the future when the two of you decide to go on holiday or have a weekend away or whatever? does he maybe have more of an issue with your new job rather than the daycare idea?
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well, can the dog just stay home while he is at work?
nta. work is work. you gotta dow hat you've got to do, and there is nothing wrong with doggie daycare.
he's upset at your over a problem that already has a fine solution.
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nta, but is there an acronym for i'm super confused? what does your partner have against daycare and, if he has a concern, why are you ta instead of him suggesting another course of action?
does your dog have separation anxiety or is it just that it would be too long alone for him to be comfortable?
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nta. does your partner seriously think that your manager will tell you to not travel because you have a dog at home. your dog will love doggy day care and it will be the highlight of their week.
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nta, sounds like doggy daycare is a viable option for 4 days out of the month. what happens when both of you are required to be in the office ft? sounds like he does not want the responsibility of taking care of the dog 4days a month, but also doesn't want other people to help. he's definitely the ah with the "you're not taking our family into consideration" which he's conveniently not applying to himself.
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oh hell no. you should tell your manager that you can't do your job instead of suggesting a loving and appropriate means of caring for your dog? it almost sounds like your bf is unconsciously holding you back. is he jealous that you got this promotion? or maybe upset that you won't be home with him as much anymore? it does kind of suck to be the one feeling left behind, so give him a pass, but do not go to your manager about this.
doggie daycares can be wonderful places when they have a good staff.
nta
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.024 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (29f) was recently promoted and part of that means that now i have to travel for work every fortnight. i live with my partner (29m) and we have a dog that we adopted 7 months ago. i work from home most of the time but my toc are based on me being office based, but since the pandemic started my work has been fine with me wfh. partner sometimes has to visit site and his office, but the majority of the time he is wfh as well. partner is pissed at me saying he can't guarantee he will be able to wfh the 4 days a month i won't be home. i suggested we try the doggy day care near us, see if that would work. he thinks ita for suggesting it. he thinks i should tell my manager i can't travel that often and that i have prior commitments. but in my mind they can turn around and say technically i should be in the office everyday and that i need to start doing that. i might be ta because i've not tried going back to my manager about it, to me it shouldn't be that big of a deal for either him to wfh 4 days a month or for us to send doggo to daycare for 4 days a month. he thinks i'm not taking our family into consideration and i'm wondering if he's right. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (29f) was recently promoted and part of that means that now i have to travel for work every fortnight. i live with my partner (29m) and we have a dog that we adopted 7 months ago. i work from home most of the time but my toc are based on me being office based, but since the pandemic started my work has been fine with me wfh. partner sometimes has to visit site and his office, but the majority of the time he is wfh as well. partner is pissed at me saying he can't guarantee he will be able to wfh the 4 days a month i won't be home. i suggested we try the doggy day care near us, see if that would work. he thinks ita for suggesting it. he thinks i should tell my manager i can't travel that often and that i have prior commitments. but in my mind they can turn around and say technically i should be in the office everyday and that i need to start doing that. i might be ta because i've not tried going back to my manager about it, to me it shouldn't be that big of a deal for either him to wfh 4 days a month or for us to send doggo to daycare for 4 days a month. he thinks i'm not taking our family into consideration and i'm wondering if he's right. aita? [/INST] nta. sending your dog to day care is a good way to socialize too if it's a good establishment. </s>
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AITA for being really crude to my nosy aunt about my sex life?
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for some reason, whenever my aunt calls and catches up with family she really picks on me. she sees me as the slutty one in the family with a steady stream of boyfriends. i've only had like half a dozen and i'm nearly 25, for heaven's sake!
still, compared to her 23 yr old pitch perfect valedictorian daughter, i guess i'm easy pickings.
this last week, she had the nerve on a family call with my cousin, my older sis, and my dad to bring up my dating life. something silly about how i'm getting along without meeting my bf that often. (you know, i'm hungry and thirsty for sex unlike her perfect little girl.)
she made a really bad comment about how i should be careful and that you never know when you can get pregnant (that's why her daughter's waiting to get engaged .. little did she know .. but my cousin and i are tight so i wouldn't rat on her). in the heat of the moment, i responded, don't worry, i make sure it's only on my face each time. no chance of pregnancy there.
my sis thought it was hilarious, my dad stifled a laugh, but my aunt got mortified. she huffed and puffed about how rude i was and how inappropriate it was to bring this up with family.
wait ... sex lives are inappropriate in family conversations? wouldn't know it from talking to her.
apparently my aunt and dad had a long call afterwards and she had the nerve to tell me to apologize to her and for setting a bad example for her perfect daughter.
sigh. i just did something lukewarm to ease off the family drama but aita here?
| 21,824 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jaq5yq/aita_for_being_really_crude_to_my_nosy_aunt_about/
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2020-10-14 00:32:50
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nta. the frigging hypocrisy. also, love how you didn’t throw your cousin under the bus. i know that would have been the bigger blow to your aunt (obvs nothing wrong having sex) but you didn’t go there.
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nta - might i suggest the following " dear aunt, i am sorry you were offended that i responded to your constant uncalled for, intrusive, and let's be honest - crude comments with a response in kind. i'm sorry you are upset and let me suggest if you don't like responses like that, that in the future you avoid commenting on my personal life. but if you want continue to make such comments i will take it as you wish me to keep making comments like i did."
maybe share with her - [another work around to pregnancy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ft5bbrjlgr8)
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we only do anal....mic drop.
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nta and that's hilarious
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nta my aunt is the same way with my sister, since she already got some smart remarks from me and doesn’t risk that anymore. every time we’re at a family gathering and she pulls that i tend to give her the death glare along with my parents and that shuts her up good.
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"if you don't want to hear about my sex life then you shouldn't ask about my sex life"
nta
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nta in fact well played but you might have added you should try it aunty its great for the skin it might get rid of those crows feet
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you're an adult in your mid-twenties and she has no business dragging your father into the matter. nor making this a topic of conversation at all.
btw if she ever brings up a subject like this again, tell her you won't be watching her next child if she has a surprise perimenopausal pregnancy.
nta and well played.
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nta. she was rude, you had a snappy comeback. no need to apologise, especially if it means you can skip calls with her in future.
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nta 10/10 bravo. don't apologize. let it hang. let her know that if she wants to talk shit about your life, you don't mind inviting her in with "tmi" true or not.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for some reason, whenever my aunt calls and catches up with family she really picks on me. she sees me as the slutty one in the family with a steady stream of boyfriends. i've only had like half a dozen and i'm nearly 25, for heaven's sake! still, compared to her 23 yr old pitch perfect valedictorian daughter, i guess i'm easy pickings. this last week, she had the nerve on a family call with my cousin, my older sis, and my dad to bring up my dating life. something silly about how i'm getting along without meeting my bf that often. (you know, i'm hungry and thirsty for sex unlike her perfect little girl.) she made a really bad comment about how i should be careful and that you never know when you can get pregnant (that's why her daughter's waiting to get engaged .. little did she know .. but my cousin and i are tight so i wouldn't rat on her). in the heat of the moment, i responded, don't worry, i make sure it's only on my face each time. no chance of pregnancy there. my sis thought it was hilarious, my dad stifled a laugh, but my aunt got mortified. she huffed and puffed about how rude i was and how inappropriate it was to bring this up with family. wait ... sex lives are inappropriate in family conversations? wouldn't know it from talking to her. apparently my aunt and dad had a long call afterwards and she had the nerve to tell me to apologize to her and for setting a bad example for her perfect daughter. sigh. i just did something lukewarm to ease off the family drama but aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for some reason, whenever my aunt calls and catches up with family she really picks on me. she sees me as the slutty one in the family with a steady stream of boyfriends. i've only had like half a dozen and i'm nearly 25, for heaven's sake! still, compared to her 23 yr old pitch perfect valedictorian daughter, i guess i'm easy pickings. this last week, she had the nerve on a family call with my cousin, my older sis, and my dad to bring up my dating life. something silly about how i'm getting along without meeting my bf that often. (you know, i'm hungry and thirsty for sex unlike her perfect little girl.) she made a really bad comment about how i should be careful and that you never know when you can get pregnant (that's why her daughter's waiting to get engaged .. little did she know .. but my cousin and i are tight so i wouldn't rat on her). in the heat of the moment, i responded, don't worry, i make sure it's only on my face each time. no chance of pregnancy there. my sis thought it was hilarious, my dad stifled a laugh, but my aunt got mortified. she huffed and puffed about how rude i was and how inappropriate it was to bring this up with family. wait ... sex lives are inappropriate in family conversations? wouldn't know it from talking to her. apparently my aunt and dad had a long call afterwards and she had the nerve to tell me to apologize to her and for setting a bad example for her perfect daughter. sigh. i just did something lukewarm to ease off the family drama but aita here? [/INST] nta. the frigging hypocrisy. also, love how you didn’t throw your cousin under the bus. i know that would have been the bigger blow to your aunt (obvs nothing wrong having sex) but you didn’t go there. </s>
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AITA - Had a dry wedding
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english is not my first language. so please be gentle on my grammar.
i (25f) just got married two weeks ago to the love of my life, felix (25m). and it was the happiest day of my life, aside from this little thing:
so i don’t drink alcohol at all. i don’t like it and more importantly i don’t like how most (not all but most) people act after consuming a little to much, it makes me uncomfortable.
my husband drinks occasionally a beer or a wine, but like on drink in half a year at best.
we have people in the family who like to drink to much and they get really weird and that makes me as uncomfortable as stated above. also they get impolite and disrespectful when drunk. and they are not good at managing their alcohol intake.
this and the fact we don’t really drink alcohol and that alcohol is hella expensive we decided together to have a dry wedding.
we served a lot of different beverages (cocktails, fruitpunsches, juices, alcohol free sect and alcohol free wine), so everybody could have something they liked.
we had delicious food and an amazing time until my one grandfather realised that it was alcohol free. he trough a hissy fit.
after he shut up, we still had an amazing time. but after we came back from our honeymoon, which was yesterday, we read some messages that we got during honeymoon. most of them from my grandfather, but a few from three friends complaining about the lack of alcohol and that they would not have come if they knew there wouldn’t be alcohol.
for clarification:
1. there was no cash bar.
2. everybody else wrote us that they loved the wedding. and at the wedding everyone (except my grandfather) seemed to have a good time. i went from 15o‘clock to 1o‘clock, where it ended after a midnight snack. and then 10 of our closest friends and family drove us to the airport so we could fly to our honeymoon. and everybody seemed happy.
so aita?
| 280 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zben6f/aita_had_a_dry_wedding/
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2022-12-03 11:57:09
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nta. it is your wedding. everyone else loved it and you even made an effort to have cocktails and wine which was alcohol free. you did your best to make everyone happy and why does having no alcohol at your wedding bother him so much?
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info - did you tell people in advance it would be a dry wedding?
i ask as, while i'd come either way, i would plan differently if it's a dry wedding, as i'd know i was legal to drive after, and that without alcohol, i'm likely to be happy to leave a bit earlier. if i know it's a dry wedding i'll come and enjoy it, but i'll save myself money on travel etc. if it's a wet wedding i'll pay to stay at the venue or get a taxi to whenever i'm staying, and i'll expect to stay later.
some people might choose not to come at all, as for them it would make it not worth coming - having been a bride, my take is that anyone who wouldn't enjoy what i've planned for my wedding shouldn't be there, so good.
so yeah, did you hide it? because that's the only ah aspect to me. they are still assholes either way - never whine at a bride on her wedding day.
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esh, not because you had a dry wedding but because you didn't tell guests in advance. (the guests who complained are still rude because they confronted you instead of politely gossiping behind your back.)
weddings aren't naturally fun for many of the attendees. for example, i've been to a wedding where i only knew the groom (who was obviously busy) and two guests i wasn't seated with. maybe someone more social than i am would have made friends with the bride's aunt twice removed or whoever else happened to be seated next to me, but i entertained myself by drinking until everything seemed funny and then dancing alone. i had a great time, but i would not have had a great time if there wasn't alcohol. there's a reason most people drink alcohol in situations like this and that's because alcohol *works*.
imo a wedding without alcohol is like a graduation - you spend 30 seconds watching the person you came to see walk across the stage and then hours bored. would i attend if, for example, my sister had a dry wedding? yeah, for the same reason i attended my sister's graduation. i wouldn't attend anyone else's dry wedding or graduation.
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meh, i mean, i just wouldn't go to a dry wedding.
nta
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nta. it's your wedding. you do you.
replace alcohol with cigarettes. or fish. your post sounds ridiculous - of course nta.
you probably should have warned people there'd be no alcohol, though. since alcohol's normal at events like that, it'd be reasonable to expect it. but your failure to provide it isn't a sin. i view objection there as similar to complaining about the decorations. it's fine if people don't like your decorations. it's an ah move to complain to you about them.
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you can have the kind of wedding you want. but when you don't communicate the menu ahead of time when people usually do, and when you say at the reception that you're serving cocktails, it comes off kinda weirdly deceptive.
clarity would have helped big time. letting people know in advance would have weeded out the guests that wouldn't have come otherwise. i wouldn't go to a dry wedding but nothing says you have to provide alcohol.
one of those times they should have kept their thoughts to themselves instead of confronting you. nta
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nta
no one is entitled to alcohol on any party
alcohol is not a requirement of a party
people who can't enjoy any event without alcohol are [alcoholics](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/alcoholism), if they want to accept that or not.
because if you can't live and enjoy yourself without it and can't limit or control your intake if it's available, then it's an addiction. if it's just recreational, it doesn't matter if it's not there, you might think it would be nice if it was but would not complain just because it wasn't, that's the difference of an [addiction ](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/addiction) vs an [affinity](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/affinity).
i would ask those people who are telling you that they wouldn't have come if they'd known it was a dry wedding if that means they didn't come to celebrate your wedding or enjoying your company but just for the booze?
because that's what those people are telling you, in no uncertain terms. that you don't matter to them, your marriage and happiness doesn't matter to them, they're just in it for free booze and getting their fix.
the ones who actually care for you are those who enjoyed the wedding because they had all they needed: being with you and a good time.
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info: did you tell people it would be a dry wedding?
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esh it should not have been a secret
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nta. it's your wedding. look, would i prefer to attend a wedding with alcohol? yes. but in my book, people who throw fits if there's no alcohol are in the same category with people who throw fits about vegetarian menus. you're not gonna die if you miss meat/alcohol at one meal. get over it.
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NTA
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INFO
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.158114 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: english is not my first language. so please be gentle on my grammar. i (25f) just got married two weeks ago to the love of my life, felix (25m). and it was the happiest day of my life, aside from this little thing: so i don’t drink alcohol at all. i don’t like it and more importantly i don’t like how most (not all but most) people act after consuming a little to much, it makes me uncomfortable. my husband drinks occasionally a beer or a wine, but like on drink in half a year at best. we have people in the family who like to drink to much and they get really weird and that makes me as uncomfortable as stated above. also they get impolite and disrespectful when drunk. and they are not good at managing their alcohol intake. this and the fact we don’t really drink alcohol and that alcohol is hella expensive we decided together to have a dry wedding. we served a lot of different beverages (cocktails, fruitpunsches, juices, alcohol free sect and alcohol free wine), so everybody could have something they liked. we had delicious food and an amazing time until my one grandfather realised that it was alcohol free. he trough a hissy fit. after he shut up, we still had an amazing time. but after we came back from our honeymoon, which was yesterday, we read some messages that we got during honeymoon. most of them from my grandfather, but a few from three friends complaining about the lack of alcohol and that they would not have come if they knew there wouldn’t be alcohol. for clarification: 1. there was no cash bar. 2. everybody else wrote us that they loved the wedding. and at the wedding everyone (except my grandfather) seemed to have a good time. i went from 15o‘clock to 1o‘clock, where it ended after a midnight snack. and then 10 of our closest friends and family drove us to the airport so we could fly to our honeymoon. and everybody seemed happy. so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
english is not my first language. so please be gentle on my grammar. i (25f) just got married two weeks ago to the love of my life, felix (25m). and it was the happiest day of my life, aside from this little thing: so i don’t drink alcohol at all. i don’t like it and more importantly i don’t like how most (not all but most) people act after consuming a little to much, it makes me uncomfortable. my husband drinks occasionally a beer or a wine, but like on drink in half a year at best. we have people in the family who like to drink to much and they get really weird and that makes me as uncomfortable as stated above. also they get impolite and disrespectful when drunk. and they are not good at managing their alcohol intake. this and the fact we don’t really drink alcohol and that alcohol is hella expensive we decided together to have a dry wedding. we served a lot of different beverages (cocktails, fruitpunsches, juices, alcohol free sect and alcohol free wine), so everybody could have something they liked. we had delicious food and an amazing time until my one grandfather realised that it was alcohol free. he trough a hissy fit. after he shut up, we still had an amazing time. but after we came back from our honeymoon, which was yesterday, we read some messages that we got during honeymoon. most of them from my grandfather, but a few from three friends complaining about the lack of alcohol and that they would not have come if they knew there wouldn’t be alcohol. for clarification: 1. there was no cash bar. 2. everybody else wrote us that they loved the wedding. and at the wedding everyone (except my grandfather) seemed to have a good time. i went from 15o‘clock to 1o‘clock, where it ended after a midnight snack. and then 10 of our closest friends and family drove us to the airport so we could fly to our honeymoon. and everybody seemed happy. so aita? [/INST] nta. it is your wedding. everyone else loved it and you even made an effort to have cocktails and wine which was alcohol free. you did your best to make everyone happy and why does having no alcohol at your wedding bother him so much? </s>
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WIBTA: If I refuse to get a flu shot to hang out with my GF's friends
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my gf wants to host a game night, but one of her friends has a newborn(4weeks old). the parents want everyone to have their flu shots before they bring the kid over. maybe it's because i(30yr m) grew up before flu shots were a thing, but i don't feel that i should be required to have a shot to hang out with them. if they are worried about their kid they should get a sitter and leave him at home.
my gf got pissed and said i was being unreasonable because the flu shot was inexpensive and you can easily get them at a cvs. i am all about vaccinations, but i am not a fan of being told i need to do something for someone else's peace of mind.
| 14,188 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/di4l1l/wibta_if_i_refuse_to_get_a_flu_shot_to_hang_out/
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2019-10-15 07:57:20
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yta.
>maybe it's because i(30yr m) grew up before flu shots were a thing
just no. flu vaccines have been around for more than 50 years. i'm a little bit older than you and have got one every year that i can remember.
and the vaccine is just as much for everyone else as it is for you.
get the fucking shot.
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yes, if you refuse, yta. that baby can't get vaccinated yet, and relies on herd immunity to keep from getting sick. without it, the baby could actually die from the flu. for real. so, either get the shot or stay home.
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yta.
______________________________________
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yta either don’t go or come up with a better excuse than you don’t want to be told to do something.
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yta. it's not just for someone peace of mind. the baby can get seriously sick from you. is it really hard to get a flu shot ? you either should take that flu shot or just stay home.
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yta- i'm 34 and get my flu shot, don't use your age as an excuse. there wasn't an hpv vaccine when we were growing up either but that doesn't mean you shouldn't get it. also, telling someone they should leave a newborn with a stranger because it's an inconvenience to you to get a damn shot is ridiculous. you're not just affecting the baby, you're potentially affecting everyone else you pass by.
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yta. get a flu shot, you wiener.
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yta. you're objecting on a stupid principle. you're not even against the vaccine (which would be stupid in itself), you're just choosing to be stubborn for no reason.
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yta. she wants her friends to meet the baby. it can be deadly if a baby gets the flu. why don’t you get over your ego or you stay somewhere else and get a babysitter for your childish self.
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yta, you say you're all about vaccinations, but won't get one because you say you're being told to.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my gf wants to host a game night, but one of her friends has a newborn(4weeks old). the parents want everyone to have their flu shots before they bring the kid over. maybe it's because i(30yr m) grew up before flu shots were a thing, but i don't feel that i should be required to have a shot to hang out with them. if they are worried about their kid they should get a sitter and leave him at home. my gf got pissed and said i was being unreasonable because the flu shot was inexpensive and you can easily get them at a cvs. i am all about vaccinations, but i am not a fan of being told i need to do something for someone else's peace of mind.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my gf wants to host a game night, but one of her friends has a newborn(4weeks old). the parents want everyone to have their flu shots before they bring the kid over. maybe it's because i(30yr m) grew up before flu shots were a thing, but i don't feel that i should be required to have a shot to hang out with them. if they are worried about their kid they should get a sitter and leave him at home. my gf got pissed and said i was being unreasonable because the flu shot was inexpensive and you can easily get them at a cvs. i am all about vaccinations, but i am not a fan of being told i need to do something for someone else's peace of mind. [/INST] yta. >maybe it's because i(30yr m) grew up before flu shots were a thing just no. flu vaccines have been around for more than 50 years. i'm a little bit older than you and have got one every year that i can remember. and the vaccine is just as much for everyone else as it is for you. get the fucking shot. </s>
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AITA For being thruthful about why I want to move in with my dad?
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my mom and stepdad are foster parents, but living with foster kids is kind of awful. nothing against them and i really hope they're getting the help they need, but it sucks. i was forced into the tiny room, which is fine, but i also cant really leave my room. i cant play music or video games, i always have to let them pick movies and tv shows. i feel like a prisoner in my own home and i cant speak up about it because then i'm being ungrateful. i know its nowhere near what most kids experience, but i still hate it.
for months i've been begging my dad to let me move in with him. i spend all my time there and it would just make more sense. logically i know i'll never be able to - he's working seventy hours a week living in a one bed apartment. but its fun to pretend.
my mom and stepdad dont seem to understand where i'm coming from. i should be grateful - i have clean clothes on my back and food in my stomach. whenever i try and explain they never listen and point out how much better i have it.
anyway, i was talking to my cousin on monday, and mentioned staying with my dad this weekend. she asked why, and i explained that i just dont like being at home. she asked why and if thats why i want to move in with my dad, and i said yes and explained how i felt. she eventually went home and told her mom (i guess?). yesterday my aunt pulled up and basically demanded to know what was going on.
i dont know what exactly happened but they got into an argument and my cousin came up to help me pack some clothes for a few days. when we went down my parents accused me of making things up, saying that i had no need to feel the way i do.
my aunt didnt really give me a chance to reply before we left. i went home today to grab some stuff, and they called me selfish, saying i'd created an aggressive atmosphere which wasnt good for he foster kids. i said, "i dont care about the foster kids right now. why do they matter more than me?"
my stepdad told me to get out and i did. a whole bunch of family has blocked me on socials and my foster sister has been posting about how i'm selfish and only care about my own feelings.
my dad is now clued in, and he and my aunt are both saying that i'm not in the wrong for feeling the way i do, but no one else seems to agree. so, aita?
edit; a few people have mentioned some things i should add. i'm fourteen, and my mom and sd are currently fostering two sibling sets; one set of three girls, and another set of two girls and four boys. totalling nine foster kids. and three of the kids are diagnosed with autism as some people have asked about that.
no they dont make any profit, they do love their kids, and fully intend on adopting them all. they're amazing parents, just not to me. and no, i will not be calling their social worker or whatever. i'm not doing that to my foster siblings.
i'm hoping to convince my mom that me moving out will be better bc it creates more room for any emergency fosters or something.
| 11,702 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oaupsx/aita_for_being_thruthful_about_why_i_want_to_move/
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2021-06-30 10:45:22
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nta. they shouldn’t be fostering if it’s at the expense of another child, and regardless you’re entitled to your feelings.
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nta. your feelings are valid and they don't stop being valid just because other people might have it worse. that is a really unhealthy mindset. you deserve to feel safe, happy and comfortable at home. if you don't experience that living at your mother's house, there's no shame in trying other living arrangements. sometimes you just have to do what's right for you.
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nta - have you ever had the opportunity to speak to the social worker that connects with your parents?
because you should have been interviewed about your comfort level with this.
you need to contact dhs and tell them that your parents are doing foster care and your stepdad told you to get out because you complained to your cousin about feeling uncomfortable in your own home.
this is a huge red flag.
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nta. it’s kinda fucked up that your feelings are being disregarded to such an extreme degree. make sure you’re calmly and clearly stating your points because it would be easy to sound like a brat in this situation, but your argument and feelings are completely valid.
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nta, your feelings matter too. it’s ok to be honest about how you are feeling. it’s not ok to be ignored and not listened too.
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nta. your parents are gaslighting you. their argument is a new version of the "there are starving kids in africa who would love that food, game, sweater, whatever".
you feel like a prisoner in your own home and are always put last. i think you mom and stepdad are mostly mad because this will reflect poorly on them if social services finds out.
glad your aunt and dad have you back. make friends with the block function on sm and your phone.
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nta. i’m so sorry you’re going through this. your feelings do matter and they are valid.
super props to your aunt who stood up for you.
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nta. this seems so unreasonable. especially family blocking you, the sd telling you to get out, etc.
q: how old are you? and i’m guessing your aunt is your dad’s sis?
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nta.
someday i hope to be a foster parent. i'm currently just 21 and single so it's not in the near future but i've done my research.
rule one of foster care is not to take on more than the family (as in parents and those already living with them) can handle. this includes not taking on a handful of foster children at once, but going one at a time - unless they're siblings - and giving everybody time to adjust before evaluating if it's going well and whether it's feasible to take a next step.
your parents have a responsibility for you, too. it sounds like they've been kinda neglecting you and now they're trying to guilt you and manipulate you to make you feel bad about yourself.
i think it's a good thing you left.
they chose to have foster children, you did not. now they have more time for the foster children, right, so how are you being selfish? no but seriously, your only responsibility at your age is yourself. you're doing the right thing.
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it’s different for them because they obviously made the choice to become foster parents. doesn’t sound like you were involved in that decision - and your feelings about how you are being treated and restricted are valid. i’m surprised the agency / social worker who placed the kids there didn’t ask about this stuff (you keeping your room, etc) but i don’t have any experience with fostering, but maybe they are desperate for foster parents.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mom and stepdad are foster parents, but living with foster kids is kind of awful. nothing against them and i really hope they're getting the help they need, but it sucks. i was forced into the tiny room, which is fine, but i also cant really leave my room. i cant play music or video games, i always have to let them pick movies and tv shows. i feel like a prisoner in my own home and i cant speak up about it because then i'm being ungrateful. i know its nowhere near what most kids experience, but i still hate it. for months i've been begging my dad to let me move in with him. i spend all my time there and it would just make more sense. logically i know i'll never be able to - he's working seventy hours a week living in a one bed apartment. but its fun to pretend. my mom and stepdad dont seem to understand where i'm coming from. i should be grateful - i have clean clothes on my back and food in my stomach. whenever i try and explain they never listen and point out how much better i have it. anyway, i was talking to my cousin on monday, and mentioned staying with my dad this weekend. she asked why, and i explained that i just dont like being at home. she asked why and if thats why i want to move in with my dad, and i said yes and explained how i felt. she eventually went home and told her mom (i guess?). yesterday my aunt pulled up and basically demanded to know what was going on. i dont know what exactly happened but they got into an argument and my cousin came up to help me pack some clothes for a few days. when we went down my parents accused me of making things up, saying that i had no need to feel the way i do. my aunt didnt really give me a chance to reply before we left. i went home today to grab some stuff, and they called me selfish, saying i'd created an aggressive atmosphere which wasnt good for he foster kids. i said, "i dont care about the foster kids right now. why do they matter more than me?" my stepdad told me to get out and i did. a whole bunch of family has blocked me on socials and my foster sister has been posting about how i'm selfish and only care about my own feelings. my dad is now clued in, and he and my aunt are both saying that i'm not in the wrong for feeling the way i do, but no one else seems to agree. so, aita? edit; a few people have mentioned some things i should add. i'm fourteen, and my mom and sd are currently fostering two sibling sets; one set of three girls, and another set of two girls and four boys. totalling nine foster kids. and three of the kids are diagnosed with autism as some people have asked about that. no they dont make any profit, they do love their kids, and fully intend on adopting them all. they're amazing parents, just not to me. and no, i will not be calling their social worker or whatever. i'm not doing that to my foster siblings. i'm hoping to convince my mom that me moving out will be better bc it creates more room for any emergency fosters or something.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my mom and stepdad are foster parents, but living with foster kids is kind of awful. nothing against them and i really hope they're getting the help they need, but it sucks. i was forced into the tiny room, which is fine, but i also cant really leave my room. i cant play music or video games, i always have to let them pick movies and tv shows. i feel like a prisoner in my own home and i cant speak up about it because then i'm being ungrateful. i know its nowhere near what most kids experience, but i still hate it. for months i've been begging my dad to let me move in with him. i spend all my time there and it would just make more sense. logically i know i'll never be able to - he's working seventy hours a week living in a one bed apartment. but its fun to pretend. my mom and stepdad dont seem to understand where i'm coming from. i should be grateful - i have clean clothes on my back and food in my stomach. whenever i try and explain they never listen and point out how much better i have it. anyway, i was talking to my cousin on monday, and mentioned staying with my dad this weekend. she asked why, and i explained that i just dont like being at home. she asked why and if thats why i want to move in with my dad, and i said yes and explained how i felt. she eventually went home and told her mom (i guess?). yesterday my aunt pulled up and basically demanded to know what was going on. i dont know what exactly happened but they got into an argument and my cousin came up to help me pack some clothes for a few days. when we went down my parents accused me of making things up, saying that i had no need to feel the way i do. my aunt didnt really give me a chance to reply before we left. i went home today to grab some stuff, and they called me selfish, saying i'd created an aggressive atmosphere which wasnt good for he foster kids. i said, "i dont care about the foster kids right now. why do they matter more than me?" my stepdad told me to get out and i did. a whole bunch of family has blocked me on socials and my foster sister has been posting about how i'm selfish and only care about my own feelings. my dad is now clued in, and he and my aunt are both saying that i'm not in the wrong for feeling the way i do, but no one else seems to agree. so, aita? edit; a few people have mentioned some things i should add. i'm fourteen, and my mom and sd are currently fostering two sibling sets; one set of three girls, and another set of two girls and four boys. totalling nine foster kids. and three of the kids are diagnosed with autism as some people have asked about that. no they dont make any profit, they do love their kids, and fully intend on adopting them all. they're amazing parents, just not to me. and no, i will not be calling their social worker or whatever. i'm not doing that to my foster siblings. i'm hoping to convince my mom that me moving out will be better bc it creates more room for any emergency fosters or something. [/INST] nta. they shouldn’t be fostering if it’s at the expense of another child, and regardless you’re entitled to your feelings. </s>
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AITA for putting a key lock on my bed room door
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hi i live with my parents and so does my eldest sliding with her young kid i’ll refer to my sister as t and her kid v. t and v decided to stay with us due to their family situation but after things calmed down they still “live “ here usually i don’t have a problem except that they occasionally steal my stuff for example v steals a lot from my room. my clothes, razors, and makeup belongings. while t stole something my cousin gave me and stole partially my birthday money.steals my beauty products and more this would all happen while i’m out. i was so sick of this behavior because all they do is deny that they barge in my room so i asked my parents for a lock because they know my situation. now that it’s installed they are now complaining about the lock of how i’m being dramatic aita??
| 1,306 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z8s0u0/aita_for_putting_a_key_lock_on_my_bed_room_door/
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2022-11-30 13:51:16
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nta. if they weren't going into your room they wouldn't be complaining about the lock. the complaint is because they can't steal stuff anymore.
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nta, clearly if your parents agreed with you enough to allow the lock then you already have your answer.
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nta - the only reason to complain about the lock is not having access to your room, but they shouldnt have any concern about access unless they're taking stuff from you to begin with.
this serves as both a solution to the problem and a way to get an admission of guilt directly from them.
that's two wins for you in my book.
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i would ask "why are you complaining about a lock on my door? it's my room, it's not like you need to go in there".
nta
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nta. have you told them that the kid steals
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they are complaining because they can’t steal anymore. nta
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nta and get a mini safe - available on amazon and not much money. perfect for money, jewellery etc
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nta
they have no reason to complain about the lock.
they may be complaining about you being dramatic for other reasons, though, like things you do or say, and the lock is just the easiest example to point to.
your problem is solved so stop dwelling on it. if you stop dwelling on it but they *keep* dwelling on it, they're the dramatic ones, not you.
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nta. they're complaining because you took away their free-shit atm. their "need 20 bucks? go steal that shit!" free pass. they are shitty people. i wouldn't be surprised if they started stealing from your parents, if they weren't already.
they sound really manipulative on top of the thieving and that they were likely in a toxic place prior to this or that the previous place didn't allow their bs.
i'm sorry you're stuck in this situation. it's hard when family turn out to be really crappy people. it's even harder to disown them. hopefully, by the time you're ready and able to make that decision, they'll have cleaned up their acts and are on the path to being decent humans. good luck.
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nta, i mean they are stealing from you
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi i live with my parents and so does my eldest sliding with her young kid i’ll refer to my sister as t and her kid v. t and v decided to stay with us due to their family situation but after things calmed down they still “live “ here usually i don’t have a problem except that they occasionally steal my stuff for example v steals a lot from my room. my clothes, razors, and makeup belongings. while t stole something my cousin gave me and stole partially my birthday money.steals my beauty products and more this would all happen while i’m out. i was so sick of this behavior because all they do is deny that they barge in my room so i asked my parents for a lock because they know my situation. now that it’s installed they are now complaining about the lock of how i’m being dramatic aita??
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi i live with my parents and so does my eldest sliding with her young kid i’ll refer to my sister as t and her kid v. t and v decided to stay with us due to their family situation but after things calmed down they still “live “ here usually i don’t have a problem except that they occasionally steal my stuff for example v steals a lot from my room. my clothes, razors, and makeup belongings. while t stole something my cousin gave me and stole partially my birthday money.steals my beauty products and more this would all happen while i’m out. i was so sick of this behavior because all they do is deny that they barge in my room so i asked my parents for a lock because they know my situation. now that it’s installed they are now complaining about the lock of how i’m being dramatic aita?? [/INST] nta. if they weren't going into your room they wouldn't be complaining about the lock. the complaint is because they can't steal stuff anymore. </s>
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AITA for asking someone to stop texting during a movie?
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the guy was sitting two seats down from me and was very visibly texting. i leaned over and whispered, "can you guys please put your phones away?"
the guy whispered back, "i'm texting my grandma"
this was absolutely baffling to me and i whispered, "i don't care, put the phone away."
he says again, "dude i'm texting my grandma"
i whisper again, aggressively, "i don't care, put your fucking phone away."
after the movie was over he came over and asked me, "i didn't hear what you said earlier. what did you say to me?"
to which i replied, "i said 'put your fucking phone away'"
i don't think he expected me to actually say anything back to him and he started saying something and just left.
am i an asshole for confronting someone texting during a movie or should i left the movie to get a manager? i try to do the latter, but i hate missing parts of the movie because some jackass is texting.
| 344 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/clh5y1/aita_for_asking_someone_to_stop_texting_during_a/
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2019-08-03 10:05:47
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nta,
love how his intimidation tactic failed
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nta lmao? you're literally not allowed to text in the theatre, and you should've gotten a worker. if he was so eager to talk to his "grandma" (he was probably sexting his gf or bf) then he could've left the theatre because he clearly wasn't paying attention to it.
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nta
people who text during movies are awful. i wish every theater were like that one in texas where they throw you out for that behavior.
there's something so funny to me that he was just like "i'm texting my grandpa!" as if that somehow changes everything.
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nta, good on you for standing your ground. i would have moved seats if possible after he refused so many times, to salvage my own enjoyment of the movie, then informed management about said asshole after the movie. enough complaints maybe he gets banned. a long shot, but someone's gotta act.
keep at it, asshats like him are making going to the cinema a chore.
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you know you’re nta, this is kind of a waste dude lol.
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how is that in this sub? its for r/vent
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: the guy was sitting two seats down from me and was very visibly texting. i leaned over and whispered, "can you guys please put your phones away?" the guy whispered back, "i'm texting my grandma" this was absolutely baffling to me and i whispered, "i don't care, put the phone away." he says again, "dude i'm texting my grandma" i whisper again, aggressively, "i don't care, put your fucking phone away." after the movie was over he came over and asked me, "i didn't hear what you said earlier. what did you say to me?" to which i replied, "i said 'put your fucking phone away'" i don't think he expected me to actually say anything back to him and he started saying something and just left. am i an asshole for confronting someone texting during a movie or should i left the movie to get a manager? i try to do the latter, but i hate missing parts of the movie because some jackass is texting.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
the guy was sitting two seats down from me and was very visibly texting. i leaned over and whispered, "can you guys please put your phones away?" the guy whispered back, "i'm texting my grandma" this was absolutely baffling to me and i whispered, "i don't care, put the phone away." he says again, "dude i'm texting my grandma" i whisper again, aggressively, "i don't care, put your fucking phone away." after the movie was over he came over and asked me, "i didn't hear what you said earlier. what did you say to me?" to which i replied, "i said 'put your fucking phone away'" i don't think he expected me to actually say anything back to him and he started saying something and just left. am i an asshole for confronting someone texting during a movie or should i left the movie to get a manager? i try to do the latter, but i hate missing parts of the movie because some jackass is texting. [/INST] nta, love how his intimidation tactic failed </s>
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AITA for cooking things I know my husband doesn't like?
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i do 100% of the cooking in our home. we share other household responsibilities and i don't really mind because i enjoy cooking. we both work full time and share pretty equally in expenses. we've been married for 15 years and it seems like the list of things he doesn't like just keeps getting longer. he also insists on giving all the meals i cook "grades" despite me repeatedly asking him to stop (a=he really likes it, f=he won't eat it). i know he doesn't like curry, anything with an indian or chinese flavor, brown rice, whole wheat pasta, most healthy grains, squash, any meal without "enough" carbs and meat... he also won't eat leftovers.
recently, i've decided that since he gives many of my "approved" meals grads of b- or c and doesn't seem to appreciate the time i put into preparing dinner each night that i will just cook what i like some nights. i've also been trying to cook healthier (low carb, low fat) meals some nights because we both need to eat better. some nights it something he likes, some nights it's something i know he doesn't like. i'll tell him what we are having and if he wants to order out or make himself something else that's fine.
the other night he ordered pizza instead of trying the chicken curry dish that i made and said that if i'm cooking something he doesn't like i need to pay for the food he orders. i told him he can eat whatever he wants to, but i'm not cooking him a special meal or paying for his takeout. he says i'm being an asshole and even got his mother involved. my mil said she would never cook something for dinner that she knew her husband didn't like - for the record, since my fil retired he does all of the cooking.
| 1,303 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zxlbqj/aita_for_cooking_things_i_know_my_husband_doesnt/
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2022-12-28 21:18:57
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nta. the menu at my house includes 2 options. "take it, or leave it".
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[removed]
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sounds like he wants a private chef, not a wife. nta.
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nta
he was an asshole when he decided to give your food letter grades. he's not your friggin' supervisor! but this really sealed the deal:
>and even got his mother involved.
there is no excuse for dragging mummy dearest into this argument. he sucks.
also. his "limited palate" does not give him carte blanche to demand that all food fit his preferences. it sucks when you don't get to eat good food because someone else refuses to try new things. tell him what i tell my kids: i'm making one healthy filling meal for all of us, and if you choose not to eat it, there's pb&j or cereal in the pantry and fruit in the bowl. if you want to be really accommodating, you can agree that you will cook the food he wants "n" days a week -- where "n" is a number that works for you.
and his "i don't eat leftovers" thing is nonsense. leftovers are efficient and they cut down on cost and work for the cook. demanding a from-scratch meal every single day is selfish as heck. if i were you, i'd be tempted to make a big batch of meat and potatoes (or whatever his thing is) one day a week and then cook what you want the other days. he can choose between leftovers of something he likes or the healthy food that you are eating.
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i would cook nothing but f dishes just to be petty.
nta
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>i do 100% of the cooking in our home.
i don't need to read any more. nta.
jk, i kept reading...
>he also insists on giving all the meals i cook "grades" despite me repeatedly asking him to stop (a=he really likes it, f=he won't eat it).
holy shit. i mean, sure, my partner and i will sometimes say "this was amazing!" or "yeah, i guess this didn't come out great" about each other's cooking, but grades for every meal????
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you are his partner not his mother or short order cook. nta he can say thank you or he can say nothing
edit to add
he can have mommy cook for him if she's so offended
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nta.
*stop cooking for this man.* i’d have stopped cooking for him the minute he decided to “grade” the food you make.
he can learn to cook for himself, buy takeout with his *own* money, or mommy can cook for him since she wants to meddle.
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nta. that’s pretty arrogant on his part… that you need to pay for his takeout?? he can make himself something else…. oh wait, he won’t, but that’s his choice. i would honestly just stop cooking for him altogether and wash your hands of it.
i don’t see him receiving grades for the quality of his share of housework, and offers to have a contractor do the work at his cost if it’s not up to your liking.
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is he forty, or four?
seriously. it's one thing to rationally talk with you and discuss preferred vs non-preferred dishes (and, hey, even offer to try cooking some stuff himself).
but it's the act of a petulant child to start 'grading' each meal and expect for you to fork out for take-out when he doesn't like what's been cooked.
maybe he could develop a little skill with the toaster and make himself some toast on evenings that he doesn't fancy the main meal. that's a thing that some kids do, after all...
nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i do 100% of the cooking in our home. we share other household responsibilities and i don't really mind because i enjoy cooking. we both work full time and share pretty equally in expenses. we've been married for 15 years and it seems like the list of things he doesn't like just keeps getting longer. he also insists on giving all the meals i cook "grades" despite me repeatedly asking him to stop (a=he really likes it, f=he won't eat it). i know he doesn't like curry, anything with an indian or chinese flavor, brown rice, whole wheat pasta, most healthy grains, squash, any meal without "enough" carbs and meat... he also won't eat leftovers. recently, i've decided that since he gives many of my "approved" meals grads of b- or c and doesn't seem to appreciate the time i put into preparing dinner each night that i will just cook what i like some nights. i've also been trying to cook healthier (low carb, low fat) meals some nights because we both need to eat better. some nights it something he likes, some nights it's something i know he doesn't like. i'll tell him what we are having and if he wants to order out or make himself something else that's fine. the other night he ordered pizza instead of trying the chicken curry dish that i made and said that if i'm cooking something he doesn't like i need to pay for the food he orders. i told him he can eat whatever he wants to, but i'm not cooking him a special meal or paying for his takeout. he says i'm being an asshole and even got his mother involved. my mil said she would never cook something for dinner that she knew her husband didn't like - for the record, since my fil retired he does all of the cooking.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i do 100% of the cooking in our home. we share other household responsibilities and i don't really mind because i enjoy cooking. we both work full time and share pretty equally in expenses. we've been married for 15 years and it seems like the list of things he doesn't like just keeps getting longer. he also insists on giving all the meals i cook "grades" despite me repeatedly asking him to stop (a=he really likes it, f=he won't eat it). i know he doesn't like curry, anything with an indian or chinese flavor, brown rice, whole wheat pasta, most healthy grains, squash, any meal without "enough" carbs and meat... he also won't eat leftovers. recently, i've decided that since he gives many of my "approved" meals grads of b- or c and doesn't seem to appreciate the time i put into preparing dinner each night that i will just cook what i like some nights. i've also been trying to cook healthier (low carb, low fat) meals some nights because we both need to eat better. some nights it something he likes, some nights it's something i know he doesn't like. i'll tell him what we are having and if he wants to order out or make himself something else that's fine. the other night he ordered pizza instead of trying the chicken curry dish that i made and said that if i'm cooking something he doesn't like i need to pay for the food he orders. i told him he can eat whatever he wants to, but i'm not cooking him a special meal or paying for his takeout. he says i'm being an asshole and even got his mother involved. my mil said she would never cook something for dinner that she knew her husband didn't like - for the record, since my fil retired he does all of the cooking. [/INST] nta. the menu at my house includes 2 options. "take it, or leave it". </s>
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AITA for locking my sister out of the house after she snuck out?
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so this happened last night, i overheard my sister tell her friend that they were gonna go meet up with her boyfriend and do god knows what. now she had just gotten into smoking weed and stuff like (which is illegal in my state).
so i after she left i noticed she left the house key and the door unlocked and that infuriated me because she was willing to risk the fact that someone random dude could just walk into hour house while we sleep.
so i locked the front door and the garage door. the next morning i woke up to like 10 missed calls and texts from my sister demanding me to unlock the door. so i called her back and when she picked up she started screaming at me, calling me asshole and every other name in the book.
she said she had to sleep at her friend's house and that our mom now knows she snuck out last night. my mom grounded her for 2 weeks and my sister gives me death glares. she told her friends what i did (some of them were my friends too) and they send me angry messages calling me a dick and stuff like that.
so am i the asshole?
| 1,624 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cylb2k/aita_for_locking_my_sister_out_of_the_house_after/
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2019-09-02 06:21:22
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yta
>infuriated me because she was willing to risk the fact that someone random dude could just walk into hour house while we sleep.
and you were willing to risk the fact that your sister couldn't get into her house to sleep. if you are trying to care for your sister that's not how to do it. i get what you're trying to do but it's not your job to be a cop to your sister, especially if it's not your house. was she wrong? yes. that doesn't mean you lock her out of the house at night, the fuck? you took it way too far.
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esh. although if she's old enough to sneak out she should be old enough to have her own key and lock the door when she leaves and then unlock it when she comes home. but you could have called her and told her to come home immediately or you'll lock her out because she was extremely irresponsible to leave the house unlocked.
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nta - locking up the house is a perfectly sensible thing to do. she didn't want to get locked out? should've taken keys.
i remember when i was 14 (and my sister was 18) it was absolutely throwing it down - like soaked in seconds - so a friend called her mum and took us down to hers to shelter. i called my dad to tell him where i was.
i got reamed into. why? my sister "didn't want to" have to take her keys everyday, and assumed i'd be home, so just didn't bother. then got stuck out in the pouring rain for like an hour.
sucks to be her. (still can't believe i got the blame for that though. like fuck off. we both had keys)
basically, your sister made that decision and should have been aware that there was a possibility someone would lock the door - even if it wasn't purposeful like you, what if one of your parents woke up and noticed the door was unlocked? she's a dumb dumb and she paid for it.
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yta, hard, if your sister not locking the front door and garage actually put your home at risk then what the fuck does locking her out over night do? you didn't tell her the door would be locked and had no way of knowing she'd secure a place to stay overnight. you wanted to be morally superior to her so you either dicked her over for no reason or put her life in legitimate risk. it's pretty evident that you weren't really concerned with her safety, just wanted to fuck her over. you're her sibling not her parent, it's not your place to try and teach her how to live, especially because it sounds like you're younger than her anyway.
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nta: she could have woken up your parents, but didn’t want to get into trouble.
her poor choices aren’t your fault.
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nta, she was in the wrong hopefully she learnt something from this, she could have at least snuck out with a key.
i'm not pro lying but you could just say that you check the doors before going to bed and locked it without realising she was out.
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nta
she chose to leave the house without her house key and leaving the door unlocked, and waited until a time i'm assuming she know everyone would be asleep to come back.
those were her mistakes. you locking up and going to bed (normal behavior) doesn't make you an asshole. her being mad at you for behaving normally, makes her the asshole.
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nta not getting comments about her safety, she could of easily knocked. she is responsible for her own actions and the consequences. you're justified in looking out for the safety of yourself and your family.
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nta - the stupid comments about compromising her safety are ludicrous. she could easily knock or ring the doorbell. the only reason for her not to do that is so your parents wouldn't find out.
if she's going to sneak out she should take a key.
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nta. perfectly logical thing to do
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.257125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so this happened last night, i overheard my sister tell her friend that they were gonna go meet up with her boyfriend and do god knows what. now she had just gotten into smoking weed and stuff like (which is illegal in my state). so i after she left i noticed she left the house key and the door unlocked and that infuriated me because she was willing to risk the fact that someone random dude could just walk into hour house while we sleep. so i locked the front door and the garage door. the next morning i woke up to like 10 missed calls and texts from my sister demanding me to unlock the door. so i called her back and when she picked up she started screaming at me, calling me asshole and every other name in the book. she said she had to sleep at her friend's house and that our mom now knows she snuck out last night. my mom grounded her for 2 weeks and my sister gives me death glares. she told her friends what i did (some of them were my friends too) and they send me angry messages calling me a dick and stuff like that. so am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so this happened last night, i overheard my sister tell her friend that they were gonna go meet up with her boyfriend and do god knows what. now she had just gotten into smoking weed and stuff like (which is illegal in my state). so i after she left i noticed she left the house key and the door unlocked and that infuriated me because she was willing to risk the fact that someone random dude could just walk into hour house while we sleep. so i locked the front door and the garage door. the next morning i woke up to like 10 missed calls and texts from my sister demanding me to unlock the door. so i called her back and when she picked up she started screaming at me, calling me asshole and every other name in the book. she said she had to sleep at her friend's house and that our mom now knows she snuck out last night. my mom grounded her for 2 weeks and my sister gives me death glares. she told her friends what i did (some of them were my friends too) and they send me angry messages calling me a dick and stuff like that. so am i the asshole? [/INST] yta >infuriated me because she was willing to risk the fact that someone random dude could just walk into hour house while we sleep. and you were willing to risk the fact that your sister couldn't get into her house to sleep. if you are trying to care for your sister that's not how to do it. i get what you're trying to do but it's not your job to be a cop to your sister, especially if it's not your house. was she wrong? yes. that doesn't mean you lock her out of the house at night, the fuck? you took it way too far. </s>
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AITA for not shaving my legs for work?
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so i’m a 21 year old female. i feel like i should say these thing about myself because these are usually what people ask or say when they find out i rarely shave my legs. i’m straight, i’m very feminine, and i just don’t like to waste my time or money on shaving my legs. also i’m not a hairy person at all! you can barley see my leg hair, arm hair or even my god damn eyebrows. the only time i shave is when i’m dating a new guy in my life and i’ve been with my current bf for 3 years now. also he doesn’t give a rats ass if i shave my legs.
so i work for a promotion company where i travel and work at event and festivals. but today i had to go into the office to grab some materials and my boss was there in his office so i stoped to say hi before i left out.
when i ducked in he awkwardly asked me if we could talk about something. i said sure and came in and he shut the door. he was so red and stuttering but finally he told me we needed to speak about hygiene. i was in literal shock. i was so embarrassed and asked him what he meant. my boss then proceeded to tell me that a few people complained i didn’t shave my legs and they said it went against company policy that i wasn’t being hygienic. i was even more shocked.
i told him i didn’t understand what that had to do with me shaving my legs and he was just absolutely quiet. i asked him if he shaved his legs and he still said nothing. i then stood up and said if we were gonna keep talking about this i’d prefer hr to be there and he just told me that we didn’t need to discuss it any further.
later today i just got an email from hr saying that they would like to set up a meeting for next week to talk further about the discussion that happened today. i’m freaking out and it’s making me so anxious.
aita for not shaving my legs for my job?
| 21,891 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ct8w0a/aita_for_not_shaving_my_legs_for_work/
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2019-08-21 00:21:08
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nta this is some sexist bullshit. wow. absolutely incredibly ridiculous. would they ask a male employee to shave his legs? how is it unhygienic for you but not for any man who has leg hair? i'm honestly aghast.
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nta. and don't freak out: hr probably wants to cover their ass. your boss probably told them what happened and they want to make sure you don't sue.
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nta. see this one to the end. dont be nervous about the meeting with hr, just be honest about what happened. this is a pretty righteous hill to die on imo.
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nta. i hope hr wants to talk with you to let you know that your boss’s comments were sexist and wrong. there’s no need to freak out because you’ve done nothing wrong.
the only thing i would do to prepare for your meeting with hr is to write an account of the meeting with your boss in your own words. if hr starts to agree with your boss, you could rhetorically ask if they’re planning on making the men shave as well.
it would also do you good to have the name of a good employment law attorney in your area.
r/legaladvice would love this post.
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i'm gonna go against the grain here and say **nah**.
do you have the right to not shave your legs? of course. anything otherwise would be stupid and sexist.
however based on your description, you work for a promotion company where you work at events and festivals, which means many meetings with (potential) clients. you mentioned in another comment that you are "the pretty girl", which means that your looks are used to sell a product/draw customers. if your unshaven legs discomfort your clients, hence effecting the (potential) company sales, then the company can choose to no longer employ you anymore. you would no longer be fulfilling a requirement for your job - even though current norms dictacte that you can't simply say "must be attractive to work here".
it's a nah because if i was in the bosses situation, and i had (presumably) received remarks and/or complaints from clients, i would be put in a very awkward position. on one hand i can't just tell the clients to "gtfo and adjust to 21st century", because... they are clients. on the other hand i can't fire you simply because you don't shave your legs. so i would try to mediate a conversation, to see how it goes. i'd have no idea how to make this conversation sound tackless. i'm just assuming things here, but your bosses remarks about it not being hygenic is probably not accurate. he just wanted to find a way to let you know that your choice of not shaving your legs is affecting the company. his word choice could have been better, i agree. however i think he basically gave you a heads up saying "hey listen, i don't want to outright fire you. but here is the situation...".
i wanted to present you the other side of the coin because too many people have already mentioned "omg sue the sexist pig" etc.
you can do anything you want in this world, but that doesn't mean you will not face the consequences. right now in 2019, the society thinks that women not shaving their legs is not nice. whether that is wrong or right is not relevant. you are going to have to make a decision;
* do i want to keep this job (and have to wear jeans/pants instead of skirts)?
or
* do i think not shaving my legs is more important than a job?
in an idealistic world everyone would be going with the second option. but you know your circumstances best, so you do you.
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nah, leaning towards yta
she works in at-will employment
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/at-will_employment
why isn’t your work an asshole?
1.) you don’t work in an office job or warehouse job where you don’t see customers. clients see you and it’s entirely possible someone external made a comment about you. this translates to erosion of the bottom line, your are impacting $.
2.) your job is largely focused on social skills and appearance since you travel and meet a variety of people for your work. very hairy legs on a woman, however justified, isn’t a social norm.
why aren’t you an asshole?
1.) women don’t have to shave their legs.
2.) you are right to feel comfortable and safe.
however this is a job.
you’re not entitled to it.
your boss and hr most likely has a complaint from an external source and you will be 100% boned.
this is a real corporate environment.
if you want to keep this job i suggest shaving.
if you want a place you can feel comfortable doing whatever you want, there are plenty of other places for you.
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i think everyone is too hung up on the word "hygiene". it sounds like the boss was flustered to have to have this talk and was looking for the right words. red in the face, stuttering, unprepared for how to respond to any pushback. this was not a conversation he was looking forward to. i'm wondering if he was asked to talk with you about it by the next person up the chain, and this only made it to hr after he reported the results of the conversation.
it sounds like you're in a public facing position and i think companies have a right to dictate how they want their employees to present themselves in public. there are all types of different dress codes for men and women, and they aren't always the same. an example might be a setting where a man is required to wear a jacket and tie, but a woman is able to wear a blouse. long pants vs shorter pants/skirt, men might have to shave their face or not be allowed to have long hair. i kind of feel like i would generally be looked down on as a man for letting shaving effect my career, while you'd be celebrated for taking a stand over your legs. if one of my friends quit their job over having to shave their face i would definitely question their decision making. just pointing out the reality that there are differences in expectations.
none of this is to say that you should shave. you're certainly free to do whatever you want, and you should do what you think is going to be the best for you. if you see something in your workplace that you think is unfair i definitely think you should stand up for yourself. nta - your coworkers that complained are ta. boss is getting a pass from me since it seems like this is an issue he's reluctant to pursue.
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your boss lifts up his pant leg "yes i do", revealing a leg so smooth you can see your reflection. "we all do". you suddenly realize no one has eyebrows.
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nta. his "company policy" sounds misogynistic, unless if it states that the men in the company should also shave their legs. try to search where in the policy does it state about hygiene to clear things up, and bring that up to hr on your meeting.
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nta this isn’t a hygiene problem it’s a sexist view women have to shave. personally, i do but i respect your right to make that decision. talk it over with hr, stand your ground. if they fire you publicize your story. that is unfair sexist business practices.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0.002566 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i’m a 21 year old female. i feel like i should say these thing about myself because these are usually what people ask or say when they find out i rarely shave my legs. i’m straight, i’m very feminine, and i just don’t like to waste my time or money on shaving my legs. also i’m not a hairy person at all! you can barley see my leg hair, arm hair or even my god damn eyebrows. the only time i shave is when i’m dating a new guy in my life and i’ve been with my current bf for 3 years now. also he doesn’t give a rats ass if i shave my legs. so i work for a promotion company where i travel and work at event and festivals. but today i had to go into the office to grab some materials and my boss was there in his office so i stoped to say hi before i left out. when i ducked in he awkwardly asked me if we could talk about something. i said sure and came in and he shut the door. he was so red and stuttering but finally he told me we needed to speak about hygiene. i was in literal shock. i was so embarrassed and asked him what he meant. my boss then proceeded to tell me that a few people complained i didn’t shave my legs and they said it went against company policy that i wasn’t being hygienic. i was even more shocked. i told him i didn’t understand what that had to do with me shaving my legs and he was just absolutely quiet. i asked him if he shaved his legs and he still said nothing. i then stood up and said if we were gonna keep talking about this i’d prefer hr to be there and he just told me that we didn’t need to discuss it any further. later today i just got an email from hr saying that they would like to set up a meeting for next week to talk further about the discussion that happened today. i’m freaking out and it’s making me so anxious. aita for not shaving my legs for my job?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i’m a 21 year old female. i feel like i should say these thing about myself because these are usually what people ask or say when they find out i rarely shave my legs. i’m straight, i’m very feminine, and i just don’t like to waste my time or money on shaving my legs. also i’m not a hairy person at all! you can barley see my leg hair, arm hair or even my god damn eyebrows. the only time i shave is when i’m dating a new guy in my life and i’ve been with my current bf for 3 years now. also he doesn’t give a rats ass if i shave my legs. so i work for a promotion company where i travel and work at event and festivals. but today i had to go into the office to grab some materials and my boss was there in his office so i stoped to say hi before i left out. when i ducked in he awkwardly asked me if we could talk about something. i said sure and came in and he shut the door. he was so red and stuttering but finally he told me we needed to speak about hygiene. i was in literal shock. i was so embarrassed and asked him what he meant. my boss then proceeded to tell me that a few people complained i didn’t shave my legs and they said it went against company policy that i wasn’t being hygienic. i was even more shocked. i told him i didn’t understand what that had to do with me shaving my legs and he was just absolutely quiet. i asked him if he shaved his legs and he still said nothing. i then stood up and said if we were gonna keep talking about this i’d prefer hr to be there and he just told me that we didn’t need to discuss it any further. later today i just got an email from hr saying that they would like to set up a meeting for next week to talk further about the discussion that happened today. i’m freaking out and it’s making me so anxious. aita for not shaving my legs for my job? [/INST] nta this is some sexist bullshit. wow. absolutely incredibly ridiculous. would they ask a male employee to shave his legs? how is it unhygienic for you but not for any man who has leg hair? i'm honestly aghast. </s>
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AITA for telling my niece she should wear deodorant?
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my niece is 12. she’s going through puberty.
i pick her up from school or dance practice sometimes when her parents are working.
i’ve noticed over the last few weeks she’s been smelling very ripe.
i was driving her home one day and said (this is abridged) “hey i know you’re going through a lot of bodily changes right now and you’re really growing up. i think it might be time to start wearing deodorant.”
she said “i smell?” and i said “yah, just a little. no big deal. just pick up some deodorant, your mom has some.”
her parents called and were furious saying she’s going through a difficult and sensitive time and how dare i make her insecure about her natural bodily functions.
i said “sorry, i thought if roles were reversed i’d want someone to tell me. are you really saying you didn’t notice her smelling like bo all the time?”
they said she had to come to them and ask for it because someone pushing the issue would make her insecure. and by circumventing her psychological timeline i’ve given her a complex for the rest of her adolescence, maybe beyond.
i didn’t think it was a big deal at all, but now my niece and her parents are so upset, i feel awful! i’m wondering what i missed here. aita?
| 21,731 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dssu4w/aita_for_telling_my_niece_she_should_wear/
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2019-11-07 05:05:21
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nta. not teaching your child proper hygiene is a major parenting fail. they should be embarrassed someone had to do this for them.
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> and by circumventing her psychological timeline i’ve given her a complex for the rest of her adolescence, maybe beyond.
what the what and what? better you saying something rather than kids at school - nta
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nta - you did her a solid. better you than some random kid
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nta. you're right. someone should tell her and you are family. she may be embarrassed, but you did her a favor and her parents are escalating the normal solution to body odor acting as if it's a personal attack.
good luck helping your niece out. she probably knows you are trying to help.
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nta
when i went through that phase, nobody said jack, so a girl in my class told me, i was horrified, next day she had to come tell me i should take it easy on the perfume, because i drenched myself in it.
pretty good friend to this day, but it was embarassing as hell.
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a massive nta. some teen/tweenagers need to be told that they smell bad, or they won't act on anything. if you're going through a 'tough time', bo is only going to make it worse. you tried to do the right thing by warning her. you were gentle, and speaking from experience as an adult.
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nta puberty is awkward but we all had to be told when to wear deodorant because it’s a part of life. it’s wrong to not teach a kid proper hygiene. i remember my friends and i liking wearing deodorant, we used the teen ones that smelled fruity and it made us feel grownup. this is just messed up.
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nta i wish i had a relative tell me about deodorant during puberty. nobody did and instead i had a completely humiliating meeting with my teacher and principal about it because other girls in my grade were teasing me for it when i wasn't around. when i have kids and they reach the typical puberty age i plan on giving them a little care package of essential hygiene stuff and talking with them about it so they'd never have to go through what i did. i'd rather have my kid be temporarily embarrassed by their mom in the privacy of their own home than bullied by peers at school.
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nta - my history teacher at the time actually told the class that she couldn’t handle the room smelling so bad after recess. she was old an a very scary grump so we weren’t surprised by her comment at all. but what did she do? she pulled out two giant bags of mini deodorants, one full of old spice for the boys and one of woman’s degree for the girls. walked around and made silly jokes about certain smells and the whole class just laughed, it wasn’t embarrassing at all. she showed us the proper way to put it on because the boys immediately were rubbing on their arms and being stupid with it, haha. came home and told my mom and she was so thankful! she wrote a thank you card and we picked up nice smelling flowers for me to take to her the next day. she started the difficult conversation for a lot of parents and after that we would routinely have a “reapply deodorant” break after recess to help start the habit.
thanks mrs. g, you were a crabby old woman but i always think of you whenever i see mini deodorants now, 18 yrs later. you’re the best.
so no your nta for talking to her about it. hygiene is hygiene. you did the right thing.
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nta
like it's... not a "pleasant" comment to make but it's about something she can easily change and it's better to hear from you than be bullied by some demonio middle schoolers
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my niece is 12. she’s going through puberty. i pick her up from school or dance practice sometimes when her parents are working. i’ve noticed over the last few weeks she’s been smelling very ripe. i was driving her home one day and said (this is abridged) “hey i know you’re going through a lot of bodily changes right now and you’re really growing up. i think it might be time to start wearing deodorant.” she said “i smell?” and i said “yah, just a little. no big deal. just pick up some deodorant, your mom has some.” her parents called and were furious saying she’s going through a difficult and sensitive time and how dare i make her insecure about her natural bodily functions. i said “sorry, i thought if roles were reversed i’d want someone to tell me. are you really saying you didn’t notice her smelling like bo all the time?” they said she had to come to them and ask for it because someone pushing the issue would make her insecure. and by circumventing her psychological timeline i’ve given her a complex for the rest of her adolescence, maybe beyond. i didn’t think it was a big deal at all, but now my niece and her parents are so upset, i feel awful! i’m wondering what i missed here. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my niece is 12. she’s going through puberty. i pick her up from school or dance practice sometimes when her parents are working. i’ve noticed over the last few weeks she’s been smelling very ripe. i was driving her home one day and said (this is abridged) “hey i know you’re going through a lot of bodily changes right now and you’re really growing up. i think it might be time to start wearing deodorant.” she said “i smell?” and i said “yah, just a little. no big deal. just pick up some deodorant, your mom has some.” her parents called and were furious saying she’s going through a difficult and sensitive time and how dare i make her insecure about her natural bodily functions. i said “sorry, i thought if roles were reversed i’d want someone to tell me. are you really saying you didn’t notice her smelling like bo all the time?” they said she had to come to them and ask for it because someone pushing the issue would make her insecure. and by circumventing her psychological timeline i’ve given her a complex for the rest of her adolescence, maybe beyond. i didn’t think it was a big deal at all, but now my niece and her parents are so upset, i feel awful! i’m wondering what i missed here. aita? [/INST] nta. not teaching your child proper hygiene is a major parenting fail. they should be embarrassed someone had to do this for them. </s>
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AITA for saying donations don't count as gifts?
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to clarify i'm not saying this can't be gift at all just this specific situation.
so this year a group of my friends got together and celebrated christmas as we hadn't been able to see one another due to the global situation. because we hadn't been able to get together as a group in close to 2 years we decided to get everyone a small gift with a $30 limit per gift.
everything was going fine until one of my friends handed out her gifts which were thank you cards for our donation to a charity that provides aid for disadvantaged families in africa. i didn't say anything at the time but the next day while talking to one my other friends who was there we agreed it was a shitty thing to do.
well the friend who made the donation found out we'd said that and called me upset and it lead to an argument where she called me selfish and greedy and i called her egotistical for using what was supposed to be a rare occasion where we actually give gifts to one another into a chance chance pat herself on the back.
i said if she wanted to donate money she could have asked us to make that our gift to her instead of making it out to be a gift to us. i also pointed out most of us would have probably made a donation ourselves because it's a good cause. i don't have a problem with what the money is being used for i just have a problem with how she gave the money.
she thinks i'm an asshole and my wife agrees with me but also thinks talking about it doesn't actually accomplish anything.
| 747 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rpd2b1/aita_for_saying_donations_dont_count_as_gifts/
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2021-12-27 03:05:20
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nta.
i agree with you. i don’t need a gift, but if someone insists on donating to a cause “for me” i should be the one to choose the cause.
and especially in a group setting like that, it’s ridiculous to know everyone will bring an actual gift for you, but you just made a donation to something “for them” and then will probably claim it on your taxes too.
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nta, if i’m gonna donate to charity i want to pick the charity because so many out there are absolutely scamming.
and i do agree that she was just patting herself on the back. when you donate to charity out of the goodness of your heart, you don’t turn it into a big deal, you just do it.
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nta
i agree with your point about your gift to her being a donation rather than vice versa. never heard of a donation being given to someone as a gift but it's more than reasonable to ask someone to donate instead of giving you a gift.
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nta, she should have asked for her gift to be the donation.
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nta
she made the donations in yall's name, so it should be for everyone's good karma but im reading it in your perspective i felt like ive been scammed lol
tbh just apologize and next time maybe at her bday or her celebration day of anything (getting promoted, married, etc) give her a donation in her name as well and see her reaction.
the question is how did she found out that you said it? its a bit sussy because you didnt say it in front of her and not like you were mocking on purpose
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nta, largely because
> i did actually ask her if she was going to claim the tax deduction ($210). she didn't answer that and kept changing the subject.
you know she totally claimed the tax deduction. if the answer was no, she'd say no. that is super shady. i have no problems with donations as gifts, but as others pointed out, the recipient should choose what organization to donate the money to due to the proliferation of charity-related scams. i'd also want to be sure the majority of the donation goes to people who are intended to receive it rather than "overhead", "marketing" or "administrative costs". unless your friend did her research, she may have just contributed to some ceo's second home fund rather than needy african children.
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nta theres a seinfeld episode about this
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nta: as others said she could have asked for her gift to be donated or ask where you support.
i’m always a bit wary of such gift-donations because well i have used them to be the ah so i deserve it :)
my dad married his third wife in my mid 20s. she is 9 years older than me. his second wife was 18 months older than me. he is a predator, was an abusive neglectful dad to me and at 25 i still desperately wanted him to care about me so i went to the wedding. i was a make up artist so i gifted the bride and bridal party the make up only for her to tell them all i was hired help not her ‘step daughter’ and i had been made to buy my own flight to my home country despite having been homeless a few months earlier.
so as my gift to the happy couple i sponsored them some goats in africa. gave them the little stuffed goats the charity send with like wedding toppers on and basically say that since they were not able to help me when in need as saving for their wedding i would pay it forward. funnily enough no one had realised they had not helped his homeless disabled daughter who was homeless and i’m not sure if it was that bombshell or the fact i had the goats named for their pet names for each other that caused such a reaction.
we no longer speak but just before i cut contact about a decade after the wedding i learned that the charity was not kidding when they said ‘goat for life’. they get a letter from the offspring of the original goats every single year on their wedding anniversary. it’s been 17 years and they are still getting goat mail.
i regret nothing but yeah i ruined charity gifts for myself by the weapons grade ah move i picked. most people do them to show off. but nope, i am my father’s daughter when it comes to being a petty pompous ah at times 😳
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nta.
now, my family gave donations as gifts this year. but i think it works better if:
1) everyone agrees to it in advance, and
2) the donation is given to whatever cause is the recipient’s choice- not given to the giver’s pet charity in the recipient’s name.
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nta
donating in someone else's name to a charity of your choosing and only telling them after the fact? that's not even a gift. it's meaningless, except to the charity and the gifter's ego.
and this is coming from someone who doesn't want gifts in the first place, so it's not an issue of materialism. i wouldn't even thank someone who did this because there's no thought behind it to be grateful for. it's just a meaningless little show.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: to clarify i'm not saying this can't be gift at all just this specific situation. so this year a group of my friends got together and celebrated christmas as we hadn't been able to see one another due to the global situation. because we hadn't been able to get together as a group in close to 2 years we decided to get everyone a small gift with a $30 limit per gift. everything was going fine until one of my friends handed out her gifts which were thank you cards for our donation to a charity that provides aid for disadvantaged families in africa. i didn't say anything at the time but the next day while talking to one my other friends who was there we agreed it was a shitty thing to do. well the friend who made the donation found out we'd said that and called me upset and it lead to an argument where she called me selfish and greedy and i called her egotistical for using what was supposed to be a rare occasion where we actually give gifts to one another into a chance chance pat herself on the back. i said if she wanted to donate money she could have asked us to make that our gift to her instead of making it out to be a gift to us. i also pointed out most of us would have probably made a donation ourselves because it's a good cause. i don't have a problem with what the money is being used for i just have a problem with how she gave the money. she thinks i'm an asshole and my wife agrees with me but also thinks talking about it doesn't actually accomplish anything.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
to clarify i'm not saying this can't be gift at all just this specific situation. so this year a group of my friends got together and celebrated christmas as we hadn't been able to see one another due to the global situation. because we hadn't been able to get together as a group in close to 2 years we decided to get everyone a small gift with a $30 limit per gift. everything was going fine until one of my friends handed out her gifts which were thank you cards for our donation to a charity that provides aid for disadvantaged families in africa. i didn't say anything at the time but the next day while talking to one my other friends who was there we agreed it was a shitty thing to do. well the friend who made the donation found out we'd said that and called me upset and it lead to an argument where she called me selfish and greedy and i called her egotistical for using what was supposed to be a rare occasion where we actually give gifts to one another into a chance chance pat herself on the back. i said if she wanted to donate money she could have asked us to make that our gift to her instead of making it out to be a gift to us. i also pointed out most of us would have probably made a donation ourselves because it's a good cause. i don't have a problem with what the money is being used for i just have a problem with how she gave the money. she thinks i'm an asshole and my wife agrees with me but also thinks talking about it doesn't actually accomplish anything. [/INST] nta. i agree with you. i don’t need a gift, but if someone insists on donating to a cause “for me” i should be the one to choose the cause. and especially in a group setting like that, it’s ridiculous to know everyone will bring an actual gift for you, but you just made a donation to something “for them” and then will probably claim it on your taxes too. </s>
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AITA for telling my 12 year old niece that I don't believe in god?
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the other day i was at my sisters house helping my brother-in-law build a deck. we all get along great and while they are religious and believe in a god, i don't at all. we all know this and it doesn't effect our relationship in the slightest nor has it ever been a problem.
well, i guess they have been teaching their 12 year old daughter (my niece) about religion and she kind of cornered me with a question. i went in the house to refill my water bottle and she said "hey, uncle bender750, you believe in god... right?". without really thinking about it i said "no, i don't" which immediately made her visibly confused. i then said "but it's okay to believe and i don't judge others for their beliefs. i just don't personally believe." she then said, "oh, you're weird!" and walked away. that was the full extent of the conversation.
next thing i know she's telling her mom (my sister) that i told her that i don't believe in god and my sister seemed irritated about it. i talked to my sister and told her that she asked me a specific question and i answered as honestly as i could. i explained what happened and my sister told me that i should have just avoided the question or told her to talk to them about it because they were teaching her about religion (which i didn't even know that at the time). now my sister is upset at me and thinks i'm an asshole for not keeping my beliefs, or lack thereof, to myself.
aita and should i have dealt with the question differently? i'm trying to see it from my sisters perspective but am having a really hard time rationalizing it.
edit 1: thank you everyone for your judgement, i guess i'm nta here.
edit 2: wow, so many comments which i didn't expect. i want to reply to so many but am overwhelmed with a completely different perspective that i'm trying to process right now. thank you all!
| 570 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cfni9e/aita_for_telling_my_12_year_old_niece_that_i_dont/
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2019-07-20 16:11:35
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nta. 12 years old is not too young to be aware of the existence of atheists. plus, she asked you point blank, it’s not as if you brought it up.
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nta. your sister should be teaching her daughter to be tolerant of the beliefs of others even if they differ from her own. atheism is nothing to be ashamed of and your niece needs to know that.
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nta. lying is a sin, the christian mother should know that.
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nta your sister is foolish if she thinks she’s going to hide alternate beliefs from her child at 12. it’s not on you to uphold her delusion. if it’s not you the kid could ask a friend’s parent or a teacher and get the exact same response.
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nta. nobody would blink an eye if you told a 12 year old that you did believe in god, so telling her the opposite is just fine
there’s nothing wrong with not believing in god, no need to hide it or feel uncomfortable with people knowing you don’t believe.
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nta
did the expect you to lie? they say your an asshole for not keeping your beliefs to yourself but they literally asked you what your beliefs were. and your answer about accepting people who do believe in god was a good answer.
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nta. she's 12, not 6. it's a great age for her to become more aware of differing beliefs. you didn't lecture or try to talk her out of her belief, you just answered.
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[deleted]
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nta. she asked you, and you have an honest answer. never ask questions you don’t want the answer to.
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nta. she asked for your personal beliefs, and you gave them. apparently your sister would rather the beliefs she's instilling in her daughter go unchallenged, which is honestly troubling and not really possible anyway.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: the other day i was at my sisters house helping my brother-in-law build a deck. we all get along great and while they are religious and believe in a god, i don't at all. we all know this and it doesn't effect our relationship in the slightest nor has it ever been a problem. well, i guess they have been teaching their 12 year old daughter (my niece) about religion and she kind of cornered me with a question. i went in the house to refill my water bottle and she said "hey, uncle bender750, you believe in god... right?". without really thinking about it i said "no, i don't" which immediately made her visibly confused. i then said "but it's okay to believe and i don't judge others for their beliefs. i just don't personally believe." she then said, "oh, you're weird!" and walked away. that was the full extent of the conversation. next thing i know she's telling her mom (my sister) that i told her that i don't believe in god and my sister seemed irritated about it. i talked to my sister and told her that she asked me a specific question and i answered as honestly as i could. i explained what happened and my sister told me that i should have just avoided the question or told her to talk to them about it because they were teaching her about religion (which i didn't even know that at the time). now my sister is upset at me and thinks i'm an asshole for not keeping my beliefs, or lack thereof, to myself. aita and should i have dealt with the question differently? i'm trying to see it from my sisters perspective but am having a really hard time rationalizing it. edit 1: thank you everyone for your judgement, i guess i'm nta here. edit 2: wow, so many comments which i didn't expect. i want to reply to so many but am overwhelmed with a completely different perspective that i'm trying to process right now. thank you all!
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
the other day i was at my sisters house helping my brother-in-law build a deck. we all get along great and while they are religious and believe in a god, i don't at all. we all know this and it doesn't effect our relationship in the slightest nor has it ever been a problem. well, i guess they have been teaching their 12 year old daughter (my niece) about religion and she kind of cornered me with a question. i went in the house to refill my water bottle and she said "hey, uncle bender750, you believe in god... right?". without really thinking about it i said "no, i don't" which immediately made her visibly confused. i then said "but it's okay to believe and i don't judge others for their beliefs. i just don't personally believe." she then said, "oh, you're weird!" and walked away. that was the full extent of the conversation. next thing i know she's telling her mom (my sister) that i told her that i don't believe in god and my sister seemed irritated about it. i talked to my sister and told her that she asked me a specific question and i answered as honestly as i could. i explained what happened and my sister told me that i should have just avoided the question or told her to talk to them about it because they were teaching her about religion (which i didn't even know that at the time). now my sister is upset at me and thinks i'm an asshole for not keeping my beliefs, or lack thereof, to myself. aita and should i have dealt with the question differently? i'm trying to see it from my sisters perspective but am having a really hard time rationalizing it. edit 1: thank you everyone for your judgement, i guess i'm nta here. edit 2: wow, so many comments which i didn't expect. i want to reply to so many but am overwhelmed with a completely different perspective that i'm trying to process right now. thank you all! [/INST] nta. 12 years old is not too young to be aware of the existence of atheists. plus, she asked you point blank, it’s not as if you brought it up. </s>
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AITA for getting a waiter fired because he accused me of being "unhygienic and uncivilized"
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throwaway
so i (32m) am an indian living in the us, i recently moved to this country and have just been settling in. two days ago i went to a restaurant owned by a friend of mine who is also indian. the restaurant serves authentic indian cuisine and i really needed that familiar meal since i've been feeling very homesick since i got here.
in the restaurant i ordered a rice dish called biryani and it looked and tasted exactly like the biryani i'd get back home, and it honestly made me a bit emotional that i had to eat it with just my hand (no spoon or other cutlery) exactly as i would do if i were in india. my hands were clean and sanitized and i was being neat and unhurried in the way i ate. i didnt think anyone noticed it since it is an indian restaurant with a lot of indians/desi people.
but few minutes into my meal a waiter walked upto me and asked me if my spoon was dirty and if i needed one, i said no, it's not, and then he sort of just stared at me, and i realized his question probably had something to do with me eating with my hand, i just kinda smiled and said
"where i come from they say eating with your hand makes the food tastier," and went back to eating.
he then said, "well where i come from that's unhygienic so please use a spoon for the rice."
i was very surprised and insulted, i told him that was incredibly rude and he should mind his own business. the waiter went away looking mad, and i didn't hear from him after that. i finished my meal with my hand, cleaned up and then thanked the waiter who was actually serving me, paid + tipped him and left.
yesterday my friend called me to ask how the food in his restaurant was and if i enjoyed it, i obviously told him i loved it, but then i couldn't help but mention the tiny incident that happened, my friend was appalled and said he was gonna fire him, he said the waiter was a very new hire too so he wasn't completely trained, but he couldn't afford hiring someone racist in a place where a lot of indians would come. i thought that's perfectly understandable and didn't really say anything else.
i told this whole story to one of my friends and he said while it was an insulting and rude thing to do, it's not something that should warrant firing and i shouldn't have mentioned it to my friend, the owner, since service workers have very hard jobs anyway and there’s no need to make their lives harder. so now i'm confused aita?
| 7,274 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uu0tav/aita_for_getting_a_waiter_fired_because_he/
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2022-05-20 16:14:48
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nta. all you did was tell your friend what happened. if the guy gets fired, thats on your friend, the restaurant owner.
and he should be fired imo. waiting staff that are rude to customers are a liability.
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nta - the client base will likely be indians, so he can't afford to alienate and offend them.
however, can't he just educate the waiter on cultural norms, since the waiter is new? if it grosses the guy out so much, he can find another job.
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nta. the restaurant owner knows what sort of atmosphere he wants, and who he wants to serve, and you really, really helped him to not have a rogue employee drive away exactly the customers he wants to attract.
there will always be people who tell you 'don't make a fuss' even if someone cuts your arm off. honest reporting isn't being an asshole and the server was already an asshole spoiling your nice meal for no reason.
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how you eat your food is 100% your business, as long as you're not being disruptive and/or causing anyone any harm. and it sounds like you definitely weren't doing either. he can mind his own business.
one would think a waiter at an indian restaurant would know better too. nta
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nta. the waiter said something pretty damn ignorant. i would say some teaching about cultural norms would be in order but india is pretty diverse; does the waiter have a year or two? haha as for the firing, that's the owner's prerogative. op didn't "get him fired."
but the real question/issue here.... where is this restaurant that makes such good food that it makes a man change the way he initially ate based only on the feels?! ... .asking for a friend...
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hi. white as hell westerner here! nta. like. in any way, shape or form. the waiter was ignorant and rude— there was a chance for redemption there when you explained why you were eating with your hands, but instead he decided to be judgmental and disrespect your culture.
as a bonus, you didn’t even tell your friend about it with the intention of getting him fired (and you were well in your right to complain and seek that consequence regardless) but your friend decided that they wouldn’t tolerate that behaviour. you did them a favour, honestly.
i’m disgusted every time i go to a non western takeout/restaurant and the entitled way westerners (specifically us white westerners) act and disrespect the people eating and serving. it’s awful and i’m glad you weren’t silent :) not the asshole <3
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nta. that waiter should be fired. his comment about the way you eat rice being "unhygienic" and "uncivilized" is ignorant and racist.
that waiter knows that people routinely eat food with their hands in the united states, as well, including sandwiches, fried chicken, hot dogs, tacos, burritos, nachos, french fries, potato chips, barbecued ribs, fruit, cookies, crackers, nuts, and on and on and on. we usually eat rice with a fork, spoon or chopsticks, but why not eat it with your hand?
you go on enjoying food, eating it by hand: it's the american way, too!
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nta. you didn't try to get him fired, you reported a possible staff problem to your friend. it was your friend's decision to fire him instead of training him to expect that some customers may prefer to eat in a traditional way.
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nta. it's an indian restaurant for pete's sake. how does he work at an indian restaurant and not understand that a lot of people from india eat with their hands? jeez.
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nta. i am a former waiter, so i was ready to be on the waiter's side. but a waiter should never insult a customer and should never tell a customer how to eat. i assume this waiter - in an indian restaurant - might not be aware of the customs of indian table manners, but the owner certainly can't afford to lose customers because of the waiter's ignorance. had you not told the boss, the waiter may have alienated many customers. those customers who are not friends of the owner would never come back.
whether the owner should have fired the waiter vs. train the waiter is another issue.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway so i (32m) am an indian living in the us, i recently moved to this country and have just been settling in. two days ago i went to a restaurant owned by a friend of mine who is also indian. the restaurant serves authentic indian cuisine and i really needed that familiar meal since i've been feeling very homesick since i got here. in the restaurant i ordered a rice dish called biryani and it looked and tasted exactly like the biryani i'd get back home, and it honestly made me a bit emotional that i had to eat it with just my hand (no spoon or other cutlery) exactly as i would do if i were in india. my hands were clean and sanitized and i was being neat and unhurried in the way i ate. i didnt think anyone noticed it since it is an indian restaurant with a lot of indians/desi people. but few minutes into my meal a waiter walked upto me and asked me if my spoon was dirty and if i needed one, i said no, it's not, and then he sort of just stared at me, and i realized his question probably had something to do with me eating with my hand, i just kinda smiled and said "where i come from they say eating with your hand makes the food tastier," and went back to eating. he then said, "well where i come from that's unhygienic so please use a spoon for the rice." i was very surprised and insulted, i told him that was incredibly rude and he should mind his own business. the waiter went away looking mad, and i didn't hear from him after that. i finished my meal with my hand, cleaned up and then thanked the waiter who was actually serving me, paid + tipped him and left. yesterday my friend called me to ask how the food in his restaurant was and if i enjoyed it, i obviously told him i loved it, but then i couldn't help but mention the tiny incident that happened, my friend was appalled and said he was gonna fire him, he said the waiter was a very new hire too so he wasn't completely trained, but he couldn't afford hiring someone racist in a place where a lot of indians would come. i thought that's perfectly understandable and didn't really say anything else. i told this whole story to one of my friends and he said while it was an insulting and rude thing to do, it's not something that should warrant firing and i shouldn't have mentioned it to my friend, the owner, since service workers have very hard jobs anyway and there’s no need to make their lives harder. so now i'm confused aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway so i (32m) am an indian living in the us, i recently moved to this country and have just been settling in. two days ago i went to a restaurant owned by a friend of mine who is also indian. the restaurant serves authentic indian cuisine and i really needed that familiar meal since i've been feeling very homesick since i got here. in the restaurant i ordered a rice dish called biryani and it looked and tasted exactly like the biryani i'd get back home, and it honestly made me a bit emotional that i had to eat it with just my hand (no spoon or other cutlery) exactly as i would do if i were in india. my hands were clean and sanitized and i was being neat and unhurried in the way i ate. i didnt think anyone noticed it since it is an indian restaurant with a lot of indians/desi people. but few minutes into my meal a waiter walked upto me and asked me if my spoon was dirty and if i needed one, i said no, it's not, and then he sort of just stared at me, and i realized his question probably had something to do with me eating with my hand, i just kinda smiled and said "where i come from they say eating with your hand makes the food tastier," and went back to eating. he then said, "well where i come from that's unhygienic so please use a spoon for the rice." i was very surprised and insulted, i told him that was incredibly rude and he should mind his own business. the waiter went away looking mad, and i didn't hear from him after that. i finished my meal with my hand, cleaned up and then thanked the waiter who was actually serving me, paid + tipped him and left. yesterday my friend called me to ask how the food in his restaurant was and if i enjoyed it, i obviously told him i loved it, but then i couldn't help but mention the tiny incident that happened, my friend was appalled and said he was gonna fire him, he said the waiter was a very new hire too so he wasn't completely trained, but he couldn't afford hiring someone racist in a place where a lot of indians would come. i thought that's perfectly understandable and didn't really say anything else. i told this whole story to one of my friends and he said while it was an insulting and rude thing to do, it's not something that should warrant firing and i shouldn't have mentioned it to my friend, the owner, since service workers have very hard jobs anyway and there’s no need to make their lives harder. so now i'm confused aita? [/INST] nta. all you did was tell your friend what happened. if the guy gets fired, thats on your friend, the restaurant owner. and he should be fired imo. waiting staff that are rude to customers are a liability. </s>
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AITA for watching a WWE pay per view (Money in the Bank) on my phone while at a wedding that was meaningless to me?
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so this goes back almost a month now to may 19th but my wife and mom are still so furious with me that my wife may divorce me and my mom may take her side over it. i need some honest feedback to help me go forward.
i'm a huge wwe fan and i pretty much get all the ppv. money in the bank, there was a ton i wanted to see but it also culminates several story lines into a ladder match that i really wanted to see. it was may 19th and i made it very clear i wanted to watch the event. on may 9th my wife announced that shed been invited to a coworkers wedding and i had to go with her (by a crazy coincidence that we didn't know until we got there, the grooms mom is my moms good friend). i assumed the wedding woukd be on saturday so i agreed. well saturday the 18th came and went and it wasn't until the 19th when my wife was pissed i wasn't getting ready that i was like oh shit, i can't go because of rhe ppv. she got so mad at me so i relented and went.
it was one of those events where there i didn't know a single person besides my wife and my mom and rhe groom was sort of a dick. so after he sort of blew me off when i tried to congratulate him i was like fuck this and i got out my phone, parked myself in the corner and bought the ppv. my wife and now mom kept trying to get me away and be social and finally i got pissed and told them both to leave me the fuck alone.
things honest to god haven't been the same since. she says i looked like such and asshole with my phone in my face in a semi-dark room while everyone else was having fun and dancing. my mom says her friends all noticed me and commented that i must have been autistic or retarded so she's massively embarrased.
to me i had plans, i did my part to attend and when i didn't know anyone i made the best of a bad situation to do what i wanted anyways.
was i the asshole?
| 13,341 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c1982x/aita_for_watching_a_wwe_pay_per_view_money_in_the/
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2019-06-16 12:09:47
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yta, obviously, assuming you are 5 years old or older.
sometimes not being ta means a few hours of delayed gratification.
also, spoiler alert: if your wife is thinking about divorce i suspect it isn’t just because of this one incident.
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yta. this is someone’s wedding, you were incredibly disrespectful to the couple getting married and likely caused some significant embarrassment to your wife and mom.
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> finally i got pissed and told them both to leave me the fuck alone.
yta. this would have been an everybody sucks here, but that line made it obvious that you're being oblivious. you told your **wife** to "leave me the fuck alone," and you actually think she wants to divorce you over the wedding incident. this is about how you treat people. not about what you did at a wedding.
if all of this had actually been about the wedding, the *only* reason they would have been minor assholes here is because you didn't do this during the ceremony. it is still rude as hell, but given that you didn't know anyone **and** if you were wearing earbuds, you didn't really disturb anyone.
> to me i had plans, i did my part to attend and when i didn't know anyone i made the best of a bad situation to do what i wanted anyways.
by the way, you didn't make the best of a bad situation. you didn't know anyone but you're an adult who can talk to strangers and introduce yourself. weddings are actually pretty great places to meet people. i've met quite a few friends through weddings. you actually just *made* this a bad situation by deciding not to care.
edit to add;
"i'm not social i would have done the same thing" then you're an asshole too.
i have bad anxiety, i'm extremely introverted, and being in crowds gives me really bad vomit inducing panic attacks. either you suck it up or you don't go to the *social* event. the whole point of these events is the *social* aspect. as an adult you have the ability to leave of things get bad for you. even if you don't drive (i don't, anxiety is too bad to drive), you can go for a walk or call a cab or catch a bus. you're an adult. you have options. this is what we call taking agency over your own mental health. don't mope in the corner like a child.
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yta - you spoiled this social occasion for your wife and mother and embarrassed them and yourself. you behaved like a spoilt little boy.
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yta-there are some things you just don’t do and this one of them. you should have just stayed home, but you don’t go and then sit on your phone the whole night. how selfish and incredibly rude.
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yta if you go to a wedding, you’re not just going for the ceremony, but the reception as well. in addition, i’m sure your wife wanted to spend time with you, but instead she probably had to explain to her friends why you were on your phone in the corner. wwe isn’t going anywhere, you could have waited until you got home.
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yta, sorry dude but that's some serious lack of social awareness. you openly disrespected everyone at the wedding - not just the groom, but the bride, and both sets of family and friends.
not only that, but you then disrespected your wife and your mother in front of everyone.
even though it probably shouldn't, your behaviour also reflected poorly on your family - your mother would have worried people thought she brought you up to think acting like that is somehow okay, and your wife would have worried people pitied her for choosing a husband who doesn't respect her and behaves rudely.
>i made the best of a bad situation
it would have been better to not go than to go and conspicuously act like that. either go to something and act like a mature adult, and watch your ppv later, or else stick to your guns and stay home.
the irony here is that it sounds like you thought you were standing up for yourself but by failing to take responsibility for your decision and actions you did the *opposite* of that and acted like a little kid in public. i think the bigger picture here is that you need a more constructive way to deal with your wife, with open communication not sulking and getting mad at each other. seriously consider counselling.
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yta clear and simple. other people laid it out nice and clearly, so i will say this:
you honestly don't sound like someone who wants to be married. marriage is compromise. marriage is doing things you don't want to do becuase it will make each other happy. you sound like a pure hedonist. only existing for your own pleasure.
i also saw a comment where you said you are trying to get on your feet, and wife said this could have been a networking opportunity. so does that mean, one top of telling your wife to fuck off (so disrespectful and un-manly!) that you couldn't put your hobby on hold for a few hours to make her happy while she's supporting your bum ass? if that's the case your bum ass should be going out of your wayyyyy to make her happy every day in any way you can!
yta yta yta.
ps it's also not her fault you got the date wrong. grow up, handle your calender and your life.
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this reads like you are a teenager and got stuck going with your mother, not your wife.
let that sink in.
yta
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yta - you couldn't just have a good time with your wife and mother for a few hours? you aren't a teenager (i imagine) and this is a little messed up.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so this goes back almost a month now to may 19th but my wife and mom are still so furious with me that my wife may divorce me and my mom may take her side over it. i need some honest feedback to help me go forward. i'm a huge wwe fan and i pretty much get all the ppv. money in the bank, there was a ton i wanted to see but it also culminates several story lines into a ladder match that i really wanted to see. it was may 19th and i made it very clear i wanted to watch the event. on may 9th my wife announced that shed been invited to a coworkers wedding and i had to go with her (by a crazy coincidence that we didn't know until we got there, the grooms mom is my moms good friend). i assumed the wedding woukd be on saturday so i agreed. well saturday the 18th came and went and it wasn't until the 19th when my wife was pissed i wasn't getting ready that i was like oh shit, i can't go because of rhe ppv. she got so mad at me so i relented and went. it was one of those events where there i didn't know a single person besides my wife and my mom and rhe groom was sort of a dick. so after he sort of blew me off when i tried to congratulate him i was like fuck this and i got out my phone, parked myself in the corner and bought the ppv. my wife and now mom kept trying to get me away and be social and finally i got pissed and told them both to leave me the fuck alone. things honest to god haven't been the same since. she says i looked like such and asshole with my phone in my face in a semi-dark room while everyone else was having fun and dancing. my mom says her friends all noticed me and commented that i must have been autistic or retarded so she's massively embarrased. to me i had plans, i did my part to attend and when i didn't know anyone i made the best of a bad situation to do what i wanted anyways. was i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so this goes back almost a month now to may 19th but my wife and mom are still so furious with me that my wife may divorce me and my mom may take her side over it. i need some honest feedback to help me go forward. i'm a huge wwe fan and i pretty much get all the ppv. money in the bank, there was a ton i wanted to see but it also culminates several story lines into a ladder match that i really wanted to see. it was may 19th and i made it very clear i wanted to watch the event. on may 9th my wife announced that shed been invited to a coworkers wedding and i had to go with her (by a crazy coincidence that we didn't know until we got there, the grooms mom is my moms good friend). i assumed the wedding woukd be on saturday so i agreed. well saturday the 18th came and went and it wasn't until the 19th when my wife was pissed i wasn't getting ready that i was like oh shit, i can't go because of rhe ppv. she got so mad at me so i relented and went. it was one of those events where there i didn't know a single person besides my wife and my mom and rhe groom was sort of a dick. so after he sort of blew me off when i tried to congratulate him i was like fuck this and i got out my phone, parked myself in the corner and bought the ppv. my wife and now mom kept trying to get me away and be social and finally i got pissed and told them both to leave me the fuck alone. things honest to god haven't been the same since. she says i looked like such and asshole with my phone in my face in a semi-dark room while everyone else was having fun and dancing. my mom says her friends all noticed me and commented that i must have been autistic or retarded so she's massively embarrased. to me i had plans, i did my part to attend and when i didn't know anyone i made the best of a bad situation to do what i wanted anyways. was i the asshole? [/INST] yta, obviously, assuming you are 5 years old or older. sometimes not being ta means a few hours of delayed gratification. also, spoiler alert: if your wife is thinking about divorce i suspect it isn’t just because of this one incident. </s>
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AITA for asking my gf to wear a tampon in bed?
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third night in a row where she has bled through my boxers and all over the sheets. i’m getting sick of stained boxers and stained sheets so i asked her to put a tampon in before bed. she usually doesn’t because she’s scared of toxic shock syndrome but i’ve done enough research and as long as she doesn’t sleep for 12 hours the risk is extremely low. i told her this and showed her the proof and now she’s mad at me and won’t speak to me. aita for asking her to use a tampon when she sleeps in my bed and underwear
| 2,820 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/njpjv2/aita_for_asking_my_gf_to_wear_a_tampon_in_bed/
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2021-05-24 04:31:17
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nta. being a woman i know damn well she could wear a pad if she’s worried about tss. she could also wear her own damn underwear , or put a towel on the bed where she’s sleeping, etc. if it only happened once that’d be fine but if it’s a reoccurring thing she needs to clean up after herself . that’s rude of her to be staining your things up and then get mad at you for asking her to not stain your things.
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come on people, this is a lack of common sense, how can you call him the ah? he's nta. she's not wearing pads, nothing. that's disgusting. and i'm a woman. she relies on him to wash her bloodstained sheets.
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nta at all. there are other ways to prevent period blood from getting all over the bed: pads, period cups, period panties. it's disrespectful for her to assume that you want to sleep in such a mess every night. don't demand she sleep with a tampon, but offer her those suggestions to see if she is open to them, and if not suggest that she sleep on a blow up mattress or spare mattress during her period. yeah it would suck, but it would be a solution to prevent you from having to sleep in blood so much. as a female, i would never subject my partner that discomfort.
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i'm going nta... however... not everyone is comfortable with tampons. tampons can also leak. your girlfriend is entitled to not wearing one.
she needs to do something about those leaks, though, so she's a *little* the ah (edit, based on additional info she is the ah for free bleeding in ops bed!!). they happen, but i feel like it's unusual to have them that regularly. is she using period underwear? those haven't been great for me. maybe she needs longer or more absorbent pads. wearing fitted bike shorts helps keep sanitary items in place, if her pads are displaced by her sleeping style.
don't push her to use a sanitary item she's not comfortable with, but you don't deserve regular bloodstains on your sheets or boxers. something needs to change.
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nta - she has options like menstrual cups as well, she doesn’t need to be free bleeding like this.
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nta.
omg. period stains are hard to get rid off, usually. your gf is unhygienic. i am not seeing stains as a taboo, but not getting stains, if there's an option available is insane. she can wear pads, if she's so afraid of tss.
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info
based on your other comments, it sounds like she isn't wearing anything at all when she's on her period and going to sleep for the night. you say in another post the only option is tampons and your boxers/the sheets. is the issue that she wears tampons in the day but at night she's afraid to because of tss, so the only thing you have around the house in terms of period products is a tampon?
i can see why you asked about her wearing tampons if she's not wearing anything. but also if that's the case, how has this not been a problem for her before?
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nta. not only is she bleeding on the bed but also in your underwears lmfao she has no right to be mad at your suggestion, shes being an asshole. if she keeps being a baby about it, maybe suggest a diaper next.. just kidding.. sort of..
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nta. is she cleaning up all that mess herself? is she wearing a pad to bed? if so, is it a night time one? she might need to invest in some of those period panties as backup. it's very inconsiderate for her to get mad over something that can easily be resolved. it's reasonable to ask her to try something else if what she's doing isn't working. 🤷🏻♀️ if it's a constant issue, maybe she should speak with a doctor since excessive bleeding could be a sign of a serious condition. talking about something that bothers you shouldn't cause an argument. remember to be tactful & if she's still upset for your concerns, that's definitely a red flag. you should be able to talk about your feelings without fear of a negative backlash.
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let me tell you a secret that i just found out after 40 years of being a woman and it's such a life saver. adult diapers! i never even would have come up with such an idea if not when i got pregnant and the aftermath of delivery and no one ever tells you that you'll be bleeding for weeks afterwards. no more ruined panties! or ruined bedsheets, bedding and mattress. why no one has told me these before, i'll never know. they make cute period panties now too but i find adult diapers cheaper.
anyway, nta. it's reasonable to not want your belongings to be covered in blood. i don't like blood on my stuff either.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: third night in a row where she has bled through my boxers and all over the sheets. i’m getting sick of stained boxers and stained sheets so i asked her to put a tampon in before bed. she usually doesn’t because she’s scared of toxic shock syndrome but i’ve done enough research and as long as she doesn’t sleep for 12 hours the risk is extremely low. i told her this and showed her the proof and now she’s mad at me and won’t speak to me. aita for asking her to use a tampon when she sleeps in my bed and underwear
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
third night in a row where she has bled through my boxers and all over the sheets. i’m getting sick of stained boxers and stained sheets so i asked her to put a tampon in before bed. she usually doesn’t because she’s scared of toxic shock syndrome but i’ve done enough research and as long as she doesn’t sleep for 12 hours the risk is extremely low. i told her this and showed her the proof and now she’s mad at me and won’t speak to me. aita for asking her to use a tampon when she sleeps in my bed and underwear [/INST] nta. being a woman i know damn well she could wear a pad if she’s worried about tss. she could also wear her own damn underwear , or put a towel on the bed where she’s sleeping, etc. if it only happened once that’d be fine but if it’s a reoccurring thing she needs to clean up after herself . that’s rude of her to be staining your things up and then get mad at you for asking her to not stain your things. </s>
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AITA if I tell my boyfriend he needs to pay the electric bill since he is the reason its so high?
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my boyfriend and i just recently moved in together. our rent is $1500. since he goes to school for engineering full time and only has time for a part time job we agreed that he will only pay $500 towards rent. i will pay the rest as well as utilities. when i lived by myself i only paid about $70 a month for electricity.
well this month i got a $230 electric bill and this new apartment has about the same square footage as my old one. i dont make that much money and dont want to keep paying that each month. ive always been pretty good about conserving energy but my boyfriend comes home and has to have every ceiling fan in every room on. i usually only had my ac on at night but he wants it on all day and thats fine. all i ask is that he turns it off when hes not home and he wont do that. he just wants to leave it on all day as well as the fans because he doesn't want to come home to a hot house. its not even that hot outside anymore. i always keep the hall light on at night because pitch black makes me anxious and he keeps bringing that up as justification for why he should be able to keep the ac and fan on when noones home. he leaves after i do in the morning so theres no real way for me to stop this.
i know we agreed to what we would each pay but i dont think its fair for me to have to pay that much for electric when he is being so wasteful.
| 243 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xr13na/aita_if_i_tell_my_boyfriend_he_needs_to_pay_the/
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2022-09-29 07:14:41
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nta
if he won't agree to pay for the overage in the electric bill, then he is taking advantage of you by not allowing the air conditioning to be turned off when you're working.
you deserve more respect than that.
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nta. he's taking the piss. if it was his bill permanently he might learn to be more conservative with energy. sounds like thats how it was in his parents house and he thinks he can continue his ways since he doesn't pay the bill.
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ceiling fans don't use much energy so i wouldn't worry about that but the ac is using a crapload so that would be my mountain to die on. however, what kind of ac does the place have? there are lots of internet apps/controllers now that can let you turn on and off the ac remotely and even schedule off/on at certain hours. you could either set it to turn off 15 minutes after he usually leaves the house or just manually shut it off each morning and then you or he could turn it on when you are on your way home so the house is "cool" when you get there.
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nta - be fair to yourself and split rent evenly. if he is using the electricity he is responsible for that too. split that fairly as well. if he refuses or plays victim (blames you etc etc), break it off.
he is taking advantage of you on multiple levels, just with this. if you start paying attention you will likely see this is a pattern in your relationship. he shows that he is the type of person to take advantage by this electricity bill. this is a red flag and it is hugely disrespectful.
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if he can't afford 50% of all expenses then he should be living with mommy and daddy
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i am struggling with this one because it sounds like you are comparing the usage between this new apartment and your old one and simply assuming that the increase is entirely your boyfriend's fault. while it may be similar square footage, the apartment itself may be the main reason for the spiked usage. there are so many different things that affect your energy usage such as they type of windows, the amount of windows, the types of doors, ac ducts, how airtight these all are as well, the size of the ac unit, the age of the ac unit, what the walls are made of, are there trees that shade the roof, etc. i live in an area where our ac has to run for about 6 months out of the year, so trust me when i say that it is not solely the ac usage itself.
also, fans use very little electricity and they actually help the ac circulate the cool air which helps its efficiency.
your suggestion of simply turning the ac unit off when you're not home can actually lead to higher electricity usage. this is because keeping a home cool all day actually uses less electricity than letting it heat up during the day and then running the ac to cool it back down. doing this can actually lead to the unit needing to be running for multiple hours without stopping just to lower the temperature by a few degrees. it would be a better idea to increase the temperature by a couple of degrees while you're gone instead if just turning it all the way off. some thermostats even allow you to set a schedule and have this done automatically.
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nta please be firm on your statement about him reducing his energy even though you told him about splitting the bills the way y’all agreed he is being extremely wasteful and careless.
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nta but it will be difficult to ask him to pay more towards it without knowing how much extra of the bill is down to his usage, all you can do atm is give him a guesstimate which could cause friction. you might be on a different electricity tariff than your old apartment which could have inflated the bill too. i'd get a smart meter installed so you can get a proper breakdown of what is used when and what it cost
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my boyfriend and i just recently moved in together. our rent is $1500. since he goes to school for engineering full time and only has time for a part time job we agreed that he will only pay $500 towards rent. i will pay the rest as well as utilities. when i lived by myself i only paid about $70 a month for electricity. well this month i got a $230 electric bill and this new apartment has about the same square footage as my old one. i dont make that much money and dont want to keep paying that each month. ive always been pretty good about conserving energy but my boyfriend comes home and has to have every ceiling fan in every room on. i usually only had my ac on at night but he wants it on all day and thats fine. all i ask is that he turns it off when hes not home and he wont do that. he just wants to leave it on all day as well as the fans because he doesn't want to come home to a hot house. its not even that hot outside anymore. i always keep the hall light on at night because pitch black makes me anxious and he keeps bringing that up as justification for why he should be able to keep the ac and fan on when noones home. he leaves after i do in the morning so theres no real way for me to stop this. i know we agreed to what we would each pay but i dont think its fair for me to have to pay that much for electric when he is being so wasteful.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my boyfriend and i just recently moved in together. our rent is $1500. since he goes to school for engineering full time and only has time for a part time job we agreed that he will only pay $500 towards rent. i will pay the rest as well as utilities. when i lived by myself i only paid about $70 a month for electricity. well this month i got a $230 electric bill and this new apartment has about the same square footage as my old one. i dont make that much money and dont want to keep paying that each month. ive always been pretty good about conserving energy but my boyfriend comes home and has to have every ceiling fan in every room on. i usually only had my ac on at night but he wants it on all day and thats fine. all i ask is that he turns it off when hes not home and he wont do that. he just wants to leave it on all day as well as the fans because he doesn't want to come home to a hot house. its not even that hot outside anymore. i always keep the hall light on at night because pitch black makes me anxious and he keeps bringing that up as justification for why he should be able to keep the ac and fan on when noones home. he leaves after i do in the morning so theres no real way for me to stop this. i know we agreed to what we would each pay but i dont think its fair for me to have to pay that much for electric when he is being so wasteful. [/INST] nta if he won't agree to pay for the overage in the electric bill, then he is taking advantage of you by not allowing the air conditioning to be turned off when you're working. you deserve more respect than that. </s>
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AITA for not handmaking cream cheese?
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throwaway account since i know my boss follows my main.
i (26f) work at a retail store. we’re all 25-30, except for the front manager (19m), brad, who is a baker and i know because he went to high school with my little brother. i do a little baking and a little cooking. i’m a better chef, and the only baked goods i can really do are croissants, a special type of bread my nona taught me, and cheesecakes. cheesecake is literally the only dessert i can make well.
brad and i talk a lot about cooking/baking. brad has started bringing some of his creations to work since a lot of times others bring snacks. i have yet to do this because 1) i don’t eat anything anyone else brings and 2) i make $12 an hour there and i’m working two full time jobs. besides brad, these people aren’t my friends. i’m not going to spend my money on them 🤷♀️
my store manager jack (30m) has made a few comments, but never pushed it since he’s even said we don’t get paid much. recently though, i mentioned to brad i was making a pumpkin cheesecake for my other coworkers and i got guilted into making one for my retail job.
so, i made it, and i brought it in this morning. everyone was talking about how good it looked/smelled and how they couldn’t wait for break time to try it. on the register (three registers are connected so brad, me and one other coworker were all standing by each other), brad asked about what kind of pie crust i used, and i told him that i made it from scratch, like i usually do. he mentioned that he makes his cream cheese from scratch but can’t make crusts that seem to not get hard. i laughed and said that we’re the opposite.
jack heard and came un*glued*. he started saying i was lying about making it from scratch (i never said that except about the crust), i just wanted the prestige of baking without the work, and even called me lazy. so i told him “okay”, went back to the break room, took my cake, and put it in my lunch box since that has freezer packs, and put it in my car. jack was screaming the whole time, but when i came in, i reminded him i’m entitled to two 15 minute paid breaks. that was one of them.
now my coworkers are upset because i’m not feeding them, and several are saying they assumed i made everything. bakers often use premade ingredients, and i only had *one day* to make this because i was guilted. i didn’t want to in the first place! i feel like if i’m doing them a favor, they should shut up and be happy. brad is the only one who agrees because he says he often uses premade components. aita?
| 2,659 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y2y17l/aita_for_not_handmaking_cream_cheese/
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2022-10-13 12:55:29
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nta. very few people make cream cheese from scratch so wth is his problem? jack sounds unhinged.
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nta. most of these people don't know shit about baking and the one that does is a little whack. who the hell makes their own cream cheese for cheesecake?? a rare bird that's who. which of these idiots has priced the ingredients for cheesecake before? who among them has spent the three hours babysitting one in a water bath? i'd play hardball with your manager -tell him if he mentions cooking to you again that's your magic code word for giving your two weeks notice. this job sucks. nta
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nta. i'm sorry, but i've never heard of "hand made cream cheese". ridicoulous, to say the least, to look a gift horse in the mouth like that. so jack should definately have none of your cake. i do feel sorry for your other co-workers, though, unless they back up jack in his ass-hattery.
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nta. who the hell makes their own cream cheese? thats like saying your chocolate chip cookies arent *really* homemade because you didnt make the chocolate chips from scratch
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nta
i'm wondering, though, if jack understands what making cream cheese means -- if he thought that meant "making the filling", of which cream cheese is only a component.
it also makes me wonder if any of the things he brings in are even home baked by him, because if he had made a pie crust before he would recognize that as legitimate effort (like brad clearly acknowledged).
he's an ah either way, you could have bought the dang thing from walmart and it would have been more than you "owed" but it boggles my mind him being upset you didn't make the cream cheese.
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nta were you supposed to churn the butter and make the graham crackers to make the crumbs for the crust too? only cream cheese i've ever used was bought in a store. talk about jack being entitled. wow
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nta who the heck complains about free food? am i wrong in assuming that what matters in cooking/baking is how it tastes and looks and not how it was made? (as long as it follows cleanliness practices) who the heck is like, “oh you didn’t grow the cow from foal stage and then milked it to obtains the purest of cream cheese?” lol
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nta who makes their own cream cheese for a cheese cake??? it's not like you bought the tub of cheesecake filling and dropped it in a crust. your coworkers are choosy beggars though.
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nta. i’d be impressed and also confused if someone made their own cream cheese because why would you. it’s not a “pre-made component” it’s an ingredient.
pettiness alert: i’m also confused how jack can repeatedly fuck up a cheesecake crust. it’s literally graham cracker crumbs and butter.
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nta at all. jack is ridiculous. were you supposed to milk the cow, too?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway account since i know my boss follows my main. i (26f) work at a retail store. we’re all 25-30, except for the front manager (19m), brad, who is a baker and i know because he went to high school with my little brother. i do a little baking and a little cooking. i’m a better chef, and the only baked goods i can really do are croissants, a special type of bread my nona taught me, and cheesecakes. cheesecake is literally the only dessert i can make well. brad and i talk a lot about cooking/baking. brad has started bringing some of his creations to work since a lot of times others bring snacks. i have yet to do this because 1) i don’t eat anything anyone else brings and 2) i make $12 an hour there and i’m working two full time jobs. besides brad, these people aren’t my friends. i’m not going to spend my money on them 🤷♀️ my store manager jack (30m) has made a few comments, but never pushed it since he’s even said we don’t get paid much. recently though, i mentioned to brad i was making a pumpkin cheesecake for my other coworkers and i got guilted into making one for my retail job. so, i made it, and i brought it in this morning. everyone was talking about how good it looked/smelled and how they couldn’t wait for break time to try it. on the register (three registers are connected so brad, me and one other coworker were all standing by each other), brad asked about what kind of pie crust i used, and i told him that i made it from scratch, like i usually do. he mentioned that he makes his cream cheese from scratch but can’t make crusts that seem to not get hard. i laughed and said that we’re the opposite. jack heard and came un*glued*. he started saying i was lying about making it from scratch (i never said that except about the crust), i just wanted the prestige of baking without the work, and even called me lazy. so i told him “okay”, went back to the break room, took my cake, and put it in my lunch box since that has freezer packs, and put it in my car. jack was screaming the whole time, but when i came in, i reminded him i’m entitled to two 15 minute paid breaks. that was one of them. now my coworkers are upset because i’m not feeding them, and several are saying they assumed i made everything. bakers often use premade ingredients, and i only had *one day* to make this because i was guilted. i didn’t want to in the first place! i feel like if i’m doing them a favor, they should shut up and be happy. brad is the only one who agrees because he says he often uses premade components. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account since i know my boss follows my main. i (26f) work at a retail store. we’re all 25-30, except for the front manager (19m), brad, who is a baker and i know because he went to high school with my little brother. i do a little baking and a little cooking. i’m a better chef, and the only baked goods i can really do are croissants, a special type of bread my nona taught me, and cheesecakes. cheesecake is literally the only dessert i can make well. brad and i talk a lot about cooking/baking. brad has started bringing some of his creations to work since a lot of times others bring snacks. i have yet to do this because 1) i don’t eat anything anyone else brings and 2) i make $12 an hour there and i’m working two full time jobs. besides brad, these people aren’t my friends. i’m not going to spend my money on them 🤷♀️ my store manager jack (30m) has made a few comments, but never pushed it since he’s even said we don’t get paid much. recently though, i mentioned to brad i was making a pumpkin cheesecake for my other coworkers and i got guilted into making one for my retail job. so, i made it, and i brought it in this morning. everyone was talking about how good it looked/smelled and how they couldn’t wait for break time to try it. on the register (three registers are connected so brad, me and one other coworker were all standing by each other), brad asked about what kind of pie crust i used, and i told him that i made it from scratch, like i usually do. he mentioned that he makes his cream cheese from scratch but can’t make crusts that seem to not get hard. i laughed and said that we’re the opposite. jack heard and came un*glued*. he started saying i was lying about making it from scratch (i never said that except about the crust), i just wanted the prestige of baking without the work, and even called me lazy. so i told him “okay”, went back to the break room, took my cake, and put it in my lunch box since that has freezer packs, and put it in my car. jack was screaming the whole time, but when i came in, i reminded him i’m entitled to two 15 minute paid breaks. that was one of them. now my coworkers are upset because i’m not feeding them, and several are saying they assumed i made everything. bakers often use premade ingredients, and i only had *one day* to make this because i was guilted. i didn’t want to in the first place! i feel like if i’m doing them a favor, they should shut up and be happy. brad is the only one who agrees because he says he often uses premade components. aita? [/INST] nta. very few people make cream cheese from scratch so wth is his problem? jack sounds unhinged. </s>
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AITA for not liking my husband’s friend and refusing to let him come over to our house?
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throwaway for obvious reasons…
my husband and his friend have been friends since college. my husband’s friend’s wife and i also close friends. i knew his wife since before their relationship and i knew him for a long time too. she is one of the nicest humans i’ve ever met, he wasn’t a bad person but secretly i felt like she was too good for him but i’d never say it. then she got diagnosed with breast cancer and she had to get a double mastectomy and go though chemo. her hair fell out and she lost a lot of weight and she became depressed which it was very hard to watch. this happened during the pandemic too so health care services especially counselling were hard to come by and often her appointment were delayed or cancelled. i had to drive her to appointments a lot because her husband would claim to be busy.
he would come to our house often and rant to my husband that she wasn’t having sex with him anymore and she wasn’t attractive anymore so he didn’t want to have sex with her. they talked in his man cave so they thought i couldn’t hear but often i listened in and i would feel sick to my stomach at him telling my husband how he thought of his wife as disgusting because she threw up all the time and she looked like a little boy with her hair gone. around 8 months after her diagnose he cheated on her(could have been earlier it’s when i found out) and she asked for a divorce. i had to hold and comfort her while remembering all the horrible things he said about her. they are going though a divorce now and i can’t even look at him anymore.
my husband still hangs out with him and invites him over and we have had multiple fights over it. i told him i listened in on what they said and he yelled at me that it was private and i was upset that he could listen to what his friend said still want to talk to him. he said while he disagrees with his friend he won’t judge his friend’s actions and i feel disgusted at him for continuing that friendship. this weekend he had a bbq party and wanted to invite his friend saying divorce is stressful and i lost my temper and we had a big fight over what he considers “his friend’s private matter”. i just feel life he is capable of being friends with his friend after what he did he probably doesn’t think what he did was that bad. honestly the more and more i think about it the more pissed off i am and he thinks i’m over reacting
| 3,715 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vgsoy4/aita_for_not_liking_my_husbands_friend_and/
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2022-06-20 18:47:32
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nta. it's telling, the company we keep...
>i just feel life he is capable of being friends with his friend after what he did he probably doesn’t think what he did was that bad.
i think you're right.
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[removed]
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nta and your husband is fine with this behaviour. you should keep that in mind.
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nta: your husband was ok with his pal insulting and slagging on his wife, without a single defense of said wife, because the poor woman got cancer. at a minimum he empathized and sympathized with this man, in your home while not pointing out…dude, you are a massive asshole, she has fucking cancer. and then he is condoning and supporting his buddy’s cheating on his sick wife. what if it happened to you? would he hang with his buddy and make the same comments? i think he would because he is perfectly ok with everything buddy said about his sick wife and thinks it is swell!
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nta. i would take into question the morality of your husband. you heard their conversations, how did your husband respond when his friend complained about his wife's appearance?
how is the wife doing? are you able to maintain a supportive relationship with her?
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regardless of what you have overheard, any person who leaves their partner while fighting cancer is not worthy. nta
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nta. sounds to me like this guy’s “private matter” wasn’t staying as private as it should have. that said, have you explained to your husband that him keeping in touch with this guy feels like he is condoning his friend’s behavior and makes you feel as though he could do the same to you should you ever get sick?
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nta. your husbands morals are questionable, he’s overlooking incredibly terrible things and sounds like he’s willing to defend them.
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nta. best case scenario, your husband is a spineless coward who is more worried about rocking the boat than having a moral code. worst case scenario, he would cheat on and leave you if you got sick without guilt.
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ya know what nta. you aren't preventing them from hanging out outside of the house and frankly your husband is kind of gross for continuing the friendship.
if the friend had constructively voiced his thoughts it would have been somewhat better. selfish but not as cruel. instead the friend really showed his true colors and your husband has no spine.
keep this friend from where you should always be comfortable. your home. yes its your husband's home too but best case scenario is : husband gets what he wants which isn't a need. worst case scenario : your need to be comfortable in your own place is bulldozed over while the friend is there.
stand your ground
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway for obvious reasons… my husband and his friend have been friends since college. my husband’s friend’s wife and i also close friends. i knew his wife since before their relationship and i knew him for a long time too. she is one of the nicest humans i’ve ever met, he wasn’t a bad person but secretly i felt like she was too good for him but i’d never say it. then she got diagnosed with breast cancer and she had to get a double mastectomy and go though chemo. her hair fell out and she lost a lot of weight and she became depressed which it was very hard to watch. this happened during the pandemic too so health care services especially counselling were hard to come by and often her appointment were delayed or cancelled. i had to drive her to appointments a lot because her husband would claim to be busy. he would come to our house often and rant to my husband that she wasn’t having sex with him anymore and she wasn’t attractive anymore so he didn’t want to have sex with her. they talked in his man cave so they thought i couldn’t hear but often i listened in and i would feel sick to my stomach at him telling my husband how he thought of his wife as disgusting because she threw up all the time and she looked like a little boy with her hair gone. around 8 months after her diagnose he cheated on her(could have been earlier it’s when i found out) and she asked for a divorce. i had to hold and comfort her while remembering all the horrible things he said about her. they are going though a divorce now and i can’t even look at him anymore. my husband still hangs out with him and invites him over and we have had multiple fights over it. i told him i listened in on what they said and he yelled at me that it was private and i was upset that he could listen to what his friend said still want to talk to him. he said while he disagrees with his friend he won’t judge his friend’s actions and i feel disgusted at him for continuing that friendship. this weekend he had a bbq party and wanted to invite his friend saying divorce is stressful and i lost my temper and we had a big fight over what he considers “his friend’s private matter”. i just feel life he is capable of being friends with his friend after what he did he probably doesn’t think what he did was that bad. honestly the more and more i think about it the more pissed off i am and he thinks i’m over reacting
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway for obvious reasons… my husband and his friend have been friends since college. my husband’s friend’s wife and i also close friends. i knew his wife since before their relationship and i knew him for a long time too. she is one of the nicest humans i’ve ever met, he wasn’t a bad person but secretly i felt like she was too good for him but i’d never say it. then she got diagnosed with breast cancer and she had to get a double mastectomy and go though chemo. her hair fell out and she lost a lot of weight and she became depressed which it was very hard to watch. this happened during the pandemic too so health care services especially counselling were hard to come by and often her appointment were delayed or cancelled. i had to drive her to appointments a lot because her husband would claim to be busy. he would come to our house often and rant to my husband that she wasn’t having sex with him anymore and she wasn’t attractive anymore so he didn’t want to have sex with her. they talked in his man cave so they thought i couldn’t hear but often i listened in and i would feel sick to my stomach at him telling my husband how he thought of his wife as disgusting because she threw up all the time and she looked like a little boy with her hair gone. around 8 months after her diagnose he cheated on her(could have been earlier it’s when i found out) and she asked for a divorce. i had to hold and comfort her while remembering all the horrible things he said about her. they are going though a divorce now and i can’t even look at him anymore. my husband still hangs out with him and invites him over and we have had multiple fights over it. i told him i listened in on what they said and he yelled at me that it was private and i was upset that he could listen to what his friend said still want to talk to him. he said while he disagrees with his friend he won’t judge his friend’s actions and i feel disgusted at him for continuing that friendship. this weekend he had a bbq party and wanted to invite his friend saying divorce is stressful and i lost my temper and we had a big fight over what he considers “his friend’s private matter”. i just feel life he is capable of being friends with his friend after what he did he probably doesn’t think what he did was that bad. honestly the more and more i think about it the more pissed off i am and he thinks i’m over reacting [/INST] nta. it's telling, the company we keep... >i just feel life he is capable of being friends with his friend after what he did he probably doesn’t think what he did was that bad. i think you're right. </s>
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