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AITA for posting a picture of my baby?
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me 28f and my ex husband 29m ben got divorced at the beginning of last year. after we got divorced i found out i was pregnant. i decided to keep the baby and in november
of last year my son christopher was born. chris lives with me sunday-friday and on saturdays he stays with ben. my husband’s new fiancé jenevieve (yes with a “j”) is acting like chris is her son. she is trying to teach chris to call her mommy even though that is what he calls me. she criticizes my purchases in baby products and calls me cheap and even tells me she should have part custody even though she and ben aren’t even married.
what pushed me too far was when i posted a picture of my baby. jenevieve had the audacity to tell me i can’t take a picture of my baby without her permission. i gave birth to the baby and i take care of him for most of the week. the worst part is that she posts pictures of the baby and when she does, she makes it seem like he is her son.
after this instance i couldn’t handle her anymore. i gave her and ben an ultimatum about how she was treating chris like he is her son when he only sees her once a week and she isn’t even his official stepmom. ben said i am being an ass and jen is just being nice. aita?
| 8,707 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/piiam9/aita_for_posting_a_picture_of_my_baby/
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2021-09-05 18:20:50
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nta! i would also check your state laws on parental alienation, it’s one thing to want to love the child of your partner/spouse, it’s another to pretend to be mom when mom is in the picture and you are the main caretaker.
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nta, but stop letting her get you riled up. just tell her you're not interested in her opinion on baby products, that you're not discussing sharing custody with her, that you will take whatever pictures you want of your son. don't dignify her nonsense with the emotional reaction she's clearly trying to provoke. just say "i'm not discussing this with you."
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nta- you should get a lawyer involved in your custody agreement. if this woman remains in your son’s life, you are going to have to set clear boundaries. your ex doesn’t seem to understand how confusing this will be in the future.
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wtf? nta
i was waiting for you to say your ex didn't want you to post pics of the baby but itbwas his girlfriend? how is that her decision in any way, shape, or form?
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nta. next time she posts a pic of chris i would leave the comment "please do not post pictures of chris without permission from ben or myself *since we are his* ***actual*** *parents.*" that should quiet her false narrative and take her down a peg or two.
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nta. please document all these conversations and talk with your lawyer.
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nta. she’s acting like she has more rights than you. even if she marries ben that’s not true. does ben really not see the hypocrisy over the photos???
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nta and beware. after they get married they can try to modify the custody agreement because they'd become a "real" family, especially if they make more money than you.
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nta
she has crossed the line at trying to teach the child to call her mommy. the other stuff isn't great but not really bad. like not clarifying this isn't your actual son.
however, the most likely thing that will happen from here on out is that she will try to convince the child she is the only mother and that lady you stay with during the week isn't your real mom. you have to nip this bs in the bud.
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nta sounds like you need to lawyer up again
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me 28f and my ex husband 29m ben got divorced at the beginning of last year. after we got divorced i found out i was pregnant. i decided to keep the baby and in november of last year my son christopher was born. chris lives with me sunday-friday and on saturdays he stays with ben. my husband’s new fiancé jenevieve (yes with a “j”) is acting like chris is her son. she is trying to teach chris to call her mommy even though that is what he calls me. she criticizes my purchases in baby products and calls me cheap and even tells me she should have part custody even though she and ben aren’t even married. what pushed me too far was when i posted a picture of my baby. jenevieve had the audacity to tell me i can’t take a picture of my baby without her permission. i gave birth to the baby and i take care of him for most of the week. the worst part is that she posts pictures of the baby and when she does, she makes it seem like he is her son. after this instance i couldn’t handle her anymore. i gave her and ben an ultimatum about how she was treating chris like he is her son when he only sees her once a week and she isn’t even his official stepmom. ben said i am being an ass and jen is just being nice. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me 28f and my ex husband 29m ben got divorced at the beginning of last year. after we got divorced i found out i was pregnant. i decided to keep the baby and in november of last year my son christopher was born. chris lives with me sunday-friday and on saturdays he stays with ben. my husband’s new fiancé jenevieve (yes with a “j”) is acting like chris is her son. she is trying to teach chris to call her mommy even though that is what he calls me. she criticizes my purchases in baby products and calls me cheap and even tells me she should have part custody even though she and ben aren’t even married. what pushed me too far was when i posted a picture of my baby. jenevieve had the audacity to tell me i can’t take a picture of my baby without her permission. i gave birth to the baby and i take care of him for most of the week. the worst part is that she posts pictures of the baby and when she does, she makes it seem like he is her son. after this instance i couldn’t handle her anymore. i gave her and ben an ultimatum about how she was treating chris like he is her son when he only sees her once a week and she isn’t even his official stepmom. ben said i am being an ass and jen is just being nice. aita? [/INST] nta! i would also check your state laws on parental alienation, it’s one thing to want to love the child of your partner/spouse, it’s another to pretend to be mom when mom is in the picture and you are the main caretaker. </s>
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AITA for telling my FIL that I'm not my wife's babysitter?
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i (30m) am married to my wife (26f). she gave birth to our twins on halloween. in both of our cultures, after a woman gives birth, both sides of the family are heavily involved to ensured that the mother is well taken care of. our front door is basically revolving with different people coming in to bring food, help out with housework or to give my wife a break from the kids while i'm at work. naturally, my wife's parents are at our home almost everyday.
now, i'm the first to admit that my wife is a bit of maniac. temperature change does not affect her **at all**. she can wear a t-shirt and leggings outside all year round and she'll be totally fine but her then her hands and feet will be ice cold which isn't good. right now, we're experiencing some pretty heavy snowfall and i have to remind her to wear a jacket when she goes outside.
yesterday, my fil dropped in while my wife was out. she had gone to the local store to get some chocolate. my fil is the type of fil who thinks no man is good enough for his daughter. i can understand to a certain extent because she's his only daughter and youngest child but he's pretty hostile to me a lot, claiming that i don't take care of her well enough. she always defends me and has gone lc a few times.
when he came over, he asked where she was and i said that she had gone to the store. after receiving an earful about how horrible i am for not going to get the chocolate for her (i offered, she wanted to go herself), my wife got back and she only had a t-shirt on. she was red-faced and her fingers had turned pink but she was totally fine, like she always is. he took one look at her and asked me why i 'let' her leave without a jacket on pretty rudely. i rolled my eyes and told him i wasn't her babysitter.
we got into an argument and he said i was mocking him and being disrespectful and he's calling me an asshole. he's now demanding that i apologize but i genuinely don't see what i've done wrong here. other family members are telling me to just give in and apologize. aita?
| 668 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsvif5/aita_for_telling_my_fil_that_im_not_my_wifes/
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2022-12-22 20:08:38
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nta. you should ask him how he failed to teach her to dress properly for the weather conditions.
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nta. it's nice that you remind her, but no you are not her keeper/father/babysitter, whatever have you. she doesn't ask your permission to do things because she is her own individual person. you are her partner. sounds like fil has some antiquated views of relationships/marriage. i'd be holding your ground on this. how he perceived it is on him.
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all the posts saying apologize to keep the peace are dead wrong, in my experience. op, never apologize to anyone just to sweep things under the rug. if you give in on this, your fil will take it as permission to stomp all over any boundaries you and your wife set. you aren't responsible for policing your wife, nor for how your fil feels. stick to your guns. nta.
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very much nta. she’s a grownup and gets to make her own decisions. and that’s how it should be. controlling when someone puts on a jacket or if they can go to a store by themself is only for small children or folks with developmental delays. her dad is the asshole here. next time, i’d ask him why he raised such a helpless person. clearly he was in charge for years after all.
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“fil, i am very sorry you never taught your daughter to wear a coat while you were raising her.”
nta.
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[deleted]
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i'd be drawing a firm boundary and letting your wife know that you will not tolerate his micro-managing, and he can no longer be welcomed in to your home if it doesn't stop. he will walk all over you the rest of his life if you let him. nta.
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fil is a relic and clearly doesn’t see his adult daughter as a human being with agency and the ability to make her own decisions. you’re nta, but your fil certainly is.
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nta
don't appologize. your already patient enough and he's overreacting.
i walk my dogs in a tank top, boxers and boot when it's freezing sometimes and my bf is wearing full on winter gear and crampons trying to keep up.
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nta.
his daughter is your wife and an adult. none of his damn business
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (30m) am married to my wife (26f). she gave birth to our twins on halloween. in both of our cultures, after a woman gives birth, both sides of the family are heavily involved to ensured that the mother is well taken care of. our front door is basically revolving with different people coming in to bring food, help out with housework or to give my wife a break from the kids while i'm at work. naturally, my wife's parents are at our home almost everyday. now, i'm the first to admit that my wife is a bit of maniac. temperature change does not affect her **at all**. she can wear a t-shirt and leggings outside all year round and she'll be totally fine but her then her hands and feet will be ice cold which isn't good. right now, we're experiencing some pretty heavy snowfall and i have to remind her to wear a jacket when she goes outside. yesterday, my fil dropped in while my wife was out. she had gone to the local store to get some chocolate. my fil is the type of fil who thinks no man is good enough for his daughter. i can understand to a certain extent because she's his only daughter and youngest child but he's pretty hostile to me a lot, claiming that i don't take care of her well enough. she always defends me and has gone lc a few times. when he came over, he asked where she was and i said that she had gone to the store. after receiving an earful about how horrible i am for not going to get the chocolate for her (i offered, she wanted to go herself), my wife got back and she only had a t-shirt on. she was red-faced and her fingers had turned pink but she was totally fine, like she always is. he took one look at her and asked me why i 'let' her leave without a jacket on pretty rudely. i rolled my eyes and told him i wasn't her babysitter. we got into an argument and he said i was mocking him and being disrespectful and he's calling me an asshole. he's now demanding that i apologize but i genuinely don't see what i've done wrong here. other family members are telling me to just give in and apologize. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (30m) am married to my wife (26f). she gave birth to our twins on halloween. in both of our cultures, after a woman gives birth, both sides of the family are heavily involved to ensured that the mother is well taken care of. our front door is basically revolving with different people coming in to bring food, help out with housework or to give my wife a break from the kids while i'm at work. naturally, my wife's parents are at our home almost everyday. now, i'm the first to admit that my wife is a bit of maniac. temperature change does not affect her **at all**. she can wear a t-shirt and leggings outside all year round and she'll be totally fine but her then her hands and feet will be ice cold which isn't good. right now, we're experiencing some pretty heavy snowfall and i have to remind her to wear a jacket when she goes outside. yesterday, my fil dropped in while my wife was out. she had gone to the local store to get some chocolate. my fil is the type of fil who thinks no man is good enough for his daughter. i can understand to a certain extent because she's his only daughter and youngest child but he's pretty hostile to me a lot, claiming that i don't take care of her well enough. she always defends me and has gone lc a few times. when he came over, he asked where she was and i said that she had gone to the store. after receiving an earful about how horrible i am for not going to get the chocolate for her (i offered, she wanted to go herself), my wife got back and she only had a t-shirt on. she was red-faced and her fingers had turned pink but she was totally fine, like she always is. he took one look at her and asked me why i 'let' her leave without a jacket on pretty rudely. i rolled my eyes and told him i wasn't her babysitter. we got into an argument and he said i was mocking him and being disrespectful and he's calling me an asshole. he's now demanding that i apologize but i genuinely don't see what i've done wrong here. other family members are telling me to just give in and apologize. aita? [/INST] nta. you should ask him how he failed to teach her to dress properly for the weather conditions. </s>
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AITA for telling my mom to forget about helping us with our newborn?
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using a throwaway for some anonymity. a bit of backstory, i'm in my mid 30s and my mom, has been asking when i am going to have a baby ever since i got married 5yrs ago. for the longest time, i had no desire to have children, i didn't feel i was mentally or financially ready to bring a new person in the world when i felt like i could hardly sustain myself. i expressed this to my mom and she assured me that she will help in any way possible and not to worry, that she would even move cities to help until our baby would be old enough for school as she did for my sibling. regardless, i stood my ground any my husband supported my decision to not have any children until i was ready. fast forward a bit. my husband and i have solid careers, a home and are financially in a good place. after a year or so of trying to conceive, i'm finally pregnant! my mom has known i had been trying and has been very emotionally supportive. i had been letting my mom know, ever since we started tying to conceive that we would be needing help with the newborn until my next promotion in about 2 years. she assured me that she would look for a home in our city and was super happy about the news. fast forward to now. my mom is still living in the same city as my sibling, and still helping with their kids and my mom is now saying that she may not be able to move immediately because my siblings don't have the proper work schedule and don't have anyone to take care of the kids. it may be 3 more years before she could help. i told her that we had been planning this for over a year and were counting on her to help with our baby. my sibling even knew and did absolutely nothing to change their work schedule. my mom had told my sibling that she would help with their kids until they were old enough to go to school, it has been over 10 yrs now! i told her to just forget the whole thing and that we would just have to start looking for a baby sitter. she was visibly hurt by me saying that but i was hurt too. my sibling then texts me saying that i shouldn't be freaking out and referred me to a website where i could find a baby sitter that specializes in newborns. i was livid. i couldn't believe that my sibling would just glaze over the fact that they are keeping my mom because they didn't get their sh\*\* together. i haven't responded to my siblings texts. my says that they will find a way to make it work, i say that i doubt anything will change in a few months when they had several years- a decade and nothing has changed. and now every time its brought up i just change the topic. so, aita for giving up on my mom's help and telling her to just forget about it and to stay living in my siblings city? she wants to continue discussing it but i just want to move on from the idea. i feel like i am ta because i'm not entitled to my mom's help, and making it seem like i'm making her choose between her kids.
| 671 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o4i0it/aita_for_telling_my_mom_to_forget_about_helping/
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2021-06-20 23:38:10
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nta. you were promised help, and when you asked for the promised help you were told it wasn't going to happen in the time frame you had said you would need it.
you aren't throwing a tantrum, you are simply finding a babysitter.
your mom is also not ta here, she seems to be just trying to help her kids and a little overwhelmed.
your sibling is pretty clearly ta here.
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nta, your sibling had a free live in nanny. why would you think they'd change anything about their life to help you when that means losing their free help? i'd even count on your sibling announcing they have a new baby on the way to completely forestall the '3 years' your mom had tried to negotiate.
mom had no right to be upset either, she made a promise she's now trying to change the terms of because she feels that 13 years being with sibling is enough to raise their kids for them. she's either a pushover with your sibling controlling her or your mom doesn't really want to help you. the second would probably be because your sibling gave her grandchildren before you got around to being comfortable (on your terms, not your mom's timeline of need) and she's punishing you for that.
you're being truthful, your mom has let you down, no point arguing about it, so you need to make other arrangements
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esh - you are not entitled to your mother's assistance in child rearing, your sister is not entitled either and should not have over extended the assistance she received, and your mother is an ah for not managing expectations or keeping promises.
no one is responsible for the baby but it's parents/legal guardians. while it sucks that your mother fell through on a promise, you should never have relied on her promise of assistance to make a decision to have your baby now.
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esh. you’re all exhausting.
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nta. she harassed you about having kids and said that she would move and assist you with your child, until they were ready for school, as she has done with your sibling. she's been informed during the whole process, and now that it's time to make good on that promise, she's saying she's not in a position to. you didn't request her help, she said that she would provide it. if she had offered this to your sibling and didn't make good on it, or typically doesn't keep her word, you'd be differently prepared for this situation.
make other arrangements and let her cry her tears. even if she later decides that she can work things out, don't budge. you don't want to do your search for reliable kidcare twice, because you didn't learn not to trust her word the first time.
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esh for you and your sister. your last sentence is key here. neither of you are entitled to your mother raising your kids for free and expecting her to be moved around between your cities at her expense i’m guessing, to accommodate both of you. you’re talking about her like she is your slave or object.
however i would say nta for the situation. that does suck. i can see why you’re upset and feel like your sister is getting priority. but process it and stop punishing your mum for being a really selfless person.
*updated to sister being ta and op nta. below commenter was adamant i changed my first comment to reflect my judgement instead of just in below comments.
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esh you and your sister cause like why should your mom have to uplift her life to take care of your newborn ya know? like imo you’re mother raised her kids and it’s messed up that both of hers expect her to drop everything for theirs and practically raise em
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esh.
"i couldn't believe that my sibling would just glaze over the fact that they are keeping my mom because they didn't get their sh\*\* together." lol keeping your mom??
also...your sh\*\* is the same level of "not together" if you need your mom to help raise your kid as well, isn't it? your mom sucks for going back on her word and then making a shocked pikachu face that you'll need to make other plans, but if the literal only reason you felt able to have a child was specifically that your mom would come help raise it you probably shouldn't have done it. get the babysitter and hopefully grandma will be able to spend enough time with your child growing up to have a good relationship together.
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nta, because you pretty much have to find other help because of your mom's prior commitment. however, how you did/said it matters a lot. i mean, your mom isn't required to watch any of your kids, and it's nice that she wants to. but obviously she can't be in two places at once. i am curious why she'd make plans like that knowing she was committed to her other grandkids. it sounds like her excitement about new grnadbabies overrode better sense.
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nta - congratulations on the new baby!
your mother said she would be there for you but now decided other things are more important. you are a bit miffed as she assured you she would be there, but you are looking for other solutions. what does your mother expect you to do, keep you legs crossed for 3 years? the critical time for extra care is that first year. at 3 it is time to socialize in preschool.
has your mother always been there for your sibling over you?
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.421875 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: using a throwaway for some anonymity. a bit of backstory, i'm in my mid 30s and my mom, has been asking when i am going to have a baby ever since i got married 5yrs ago. for the longest time, i had no desire to have children, i didn't feel i was mentally or financially ready to bring a new person in the world when i felt like i could hardly sustain myself. i expressed this to my mom and she assured me that she will help in any way possible and not to worry, that she would even move cities to help until our baby would be old enough for school as she did for my sibling. regardless, i stood my ground any my husband supported my decision to not have any children until i was ready. fast forward a bit. my husband and i have solid careers, a home and are financially in a good place. after a year or so of trying to conceive, i'm finally pregnant! my mom has known i had been trying and has been very emotionally supportive. i had been letting my mom know, ever since we started tying to conceive that we would be needing help with the newborn until my next promotion in about 2 years. she assured me that she would look for a home in our city and was super happy about the news. fast forward to now. my mom is still living in the same city as my sibling, and still helping with their kids and my mom is now saying that she may not be able to move immediately because my siblings don't have the proper work schedule and don't have anyone to take care of the kids. it may be 3 more years before she could help. i told her that we had been planning this for over a year and were counting on her to help with our baby. my sibling even knew and did absolutely nothing to change their work schedule. my mom had told my sibling that she would help with their kids until they were old enough to go to school, it has been over 10 yrs now! i told her to just forget the whole thing and that we would just have to start looking for a baby sitter. she was visibly hurt by me saying that but i was hurt too. my sibling then texts me saying that i shouldn't be freaking out and referred me to a website where i could find a baby sitter that specializes in newborns. i was livid. i couldn't believe that my sibling would just glaze over the fact that they are keeping my mom because they didn't get their sh\*\* together. i haven't responded to my siblings texts. my says that they will find a way to make it work, i say that i doubt anything will change in a few months when they had several years- a decade and nothing has changed. and now every time its brought up i just change the topic. so, aita for giving up on my mom's help and telling her to just forget about it and to stay living in my siblings city? she wants to continue discussing it but i just want to move on from the idea. i feel like i am ta because i'm not entitled to my mom's help, and making it seem like i'm making her choose between her kids.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
using a throwaway for some anonymity. a bit of backstory, i'm in my mid 30s and my mom, has been asking when i am going to have a baby ever since i got married 5yrs ago. for the longest time, i had no desire to have children, i didn't feel i was mentally or financially ready to bring a new person in the world when i felt like i could hardly sustain myself. i expressed this to my mom and she assured me that she will help in any way possible and not to worry, that she would even move cities to help until our baby would be old enough for school as she did for my sibling. regardless, i stood my ground any my husband supported my decision to not have any children until i was ready. fast forward a bit. my husband and i have solid careers, a home and are financially in a good place. after a year or so of trying to conceive, i'm finally pregnant! my mom has known i had been trying and has been very emotionally supportive. i had been letting my mom know, ever since we started tying to conceive that we would be needing help with the newborn until my next promotion in about 2 years. she assured me that she would look for a home in our city and was super happy about the news. fast forward to now. my mom is still living in the same city as my sibling, and still helping with their kids and my mom is now saying that she may not be able to move immediately because my siblings don't have the proper work schedule and don't have anyone to take care of the kids. it may be 3 more years before she could help. i told her that we had been planning this for over a year and were counting on her to help with our baby. my sibling even knew and did absolutely nothing to change their work schedule. my mom had told my sibling that she would help with their kids until they were old enough to go to school, it has been over 10 yrs now! i told her to just forget the whole thing and that we would just have to start looking for a baby sitter. she was visibly hurt by me saying that but i was hurt too. my sibling then texts me saying that i shouldn't be freaking out and referred me to a website where i could find a baby sitter that specializes in newborns. i was livid. i couldn't believe that my sibling would just glaze over the fact that they are keeping my mom because they didn't get their sh\*\* together. i haven't responded to my siblings texts. my says that they will find a way to make it work, i say that i doubt anything will change in a few months when they had several years- a decade and nothing has changed. and now every time its brought up i just change the topic. so, aita for giving up on my mom's help and telling her to just forget about it and to stay living in my siblings city? she wants to continue discussing it but i just want to move on from the idea. i feel like i am ta because i'm not entitled to my mom's help, and making it seem like i'm making her choose between her kids. [/INST] nta. you were promised help, and when you asked for the promised help you were told it wasn't going to happen in the time frame you had said you would need it. you aren't throwing a tantrum, you are simply finding a babysitter. your mom is also not ta here, she seems to be just trying to help her kids and a little overwhelmed. your sibling is pretty clearly ta here. </s>
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AITA for refusing to wear a dress to my sisters wedding?
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i(26) am trans. i was born a woman but i'm in the process of transitioning to male. i've been on hormones since i was a teen and i was supposed to have transition surgery this year but it has been postponed by a year due to the virus.
my sister(28f) is getting married in january. originally we had picked out a tux for me to wear to the wedding since i would've been post surgery(surgery was supposed to be in march). however now she is pressuring me to wear a dress instead since i won't have had surgery yet and we argued and she said "can't you just act like a normal girl for once?!". aita for saying no?
our parents are nagging me to just wear it since ill still have boobs and will "look better" in a dress than a tux, i feel like i'd rather wear a binder and a tux but i also know that this is my sisters special day and feel bad for detracting attention from her.
*we are in nz so little risk of covid now.
*apart from this my sister has been super supportive of my transitioning, i think a large part of her outburst was frustration over her wedding being delayed once already and losing a decent amount of money from non refundable deposits(the wedding was supposed to be in oct).
| 283 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jt7o11/aita_for_refusing_to_wear_a_dress_to_my_sisters/
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2020-11-13 01:16:48
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nta.
how could you act like a “normal girl” when you are a man?
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nta. the surgery doesn't define what you're allowed to wear. if you identify as male then wear the tux if that's what suits you best. if she supports you she should understand this.
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nta. i’m sorry your family is so unsupportive of your transition. even if you were a woman, there’s nothing wrong with wearing a tux. women can rock tuxes as formalwear too.
but you’re not a woman. wear what you want, that fits within dress code, and i’m sure you will rock it. your family can pound sand.
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nta
you can't/shouldn't have to act like a 'normal girl', because you are not a 'normal girl' - you are a man. she was alright with the tux plan before, and t's not a massive job to have a tux altered to accommodate your chest.
does your sister really think people will be looking at someone wearing a suit more than they will be looking at her being all happy in a fabulous dress, getting married?
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nta
you aren't a woman; you are a man who has to put up with boobs until you can have your top surgery. you say they are supportive otherwise, but trying to force you to wear a dress and "act like a normal girl for once" doesn't sound very supportive to me. wear your tux. binder or no binder, you should be able to dress to reflect who you are.
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absolutely nta, thats disgusting that your family is even saying this shit
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>she said "can't you just act like a normal girl for once?!"
you're absolutely nta. she misgendered you and disrespected you. besides, since it sounds like you're been on hormones for quite a while, so presumably you also came out a long time ago, it would probably be more distracting if you did wear a dress to the wedding.
besides, i don't get the big deal about people with breasts not wearing dresses. afab people (trans and cis alike) can and do wear suits. just get one that fits and it'll be fine. (additionally, if you're wearing a binder, your chest - which never should have been an issue for this - is even less of an issue.)
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nta - you are not obligated to wear a dress - regardless of your gender.
but her stance is even more horrifying because she *knows* you are not female.
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nta. thats hella transphobic. if she keeps pressing dont go
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[deleted]
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(26) am trans. i was born a woman but i'm in the process of transitioning to male. i've been on hormones since i was a teen and i was supposed to have transition surgery this year but it has been postponed by a year due to the virus. my sister(28f) is getting married in january. originally we had picked out a tux for me to wear to the wedding since i would've been post surgery(surgery was supposed to be in march). however now she is pressuring me to wear a dress instead since i won't have had surgery yet and we argued and she said "can't you just act like a normal girl for once?!". aita for saying no? our parents are nagging me to just wear it since ill still have boobs and will "look better" in a dress than a tux, i feel like i'd rather wear a binder and a tux but i also know that this is my sisters special day and feel bad for detracting attention from her. *we are in nz so little risk of covid now. *apart from this my sister has been super supportive of my transitioning, i think a large part of her outburst was frustration over her wedding being delayed once already and losing a decent amount of money from non refundable deposits(the wedding was supposed to be in oct).
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i(26) am trans. i was born a woman but i'm in the process of transitioning to male. i've been on hormones since i was a teen and i was supposed to have transition surgery this year but it has been postponed by a year due to the virus. my sister(28f) is getting married in january. originally we had picked out a tux for me to wear to the wedding since i would've been post surgery(surgery was supposed to be in march). however now she is pressuring me to wear a dress instead since i won't have had surgery yet and we argued and she said "can't you just act like a normal girl for once?!". aita for saying no? our parents are nagging me to just wear it since ill still have boobs and will "look better" in a dress than a tux, i feel like i'd rather wear a binder and a tux but i also know that this is my sisters special day and feel bad for detracting attention from her. *we are in nz so little risk of covid now. *apart from this my sister has been super supportive of my transitioning, i think a large part of her outburst was frustration over her wedding being delayed once already and losing a decent amount of money from non refundable deposits(the wedding was supposed to be in oct). [/INST] nta. how could you act like a “normal girl” when you are a man? </s>
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AITA for refusing to let me homeless mother stay at my house?
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i (22f) grew up poor with my single mother. i turned to drugs when i was 14 and was in and out of rehab until i was 18. it was an extremely hard time and most of it was a blur. the one thing i know for sure was that my mum did nothing for me except fuel my addiction. she only sent me to rehab because it meant she didn’t have to ‘look after’ me when i was gone. i was lucky enough to meet a guy who helped me to finally get sober, and back on my feet. i lived with him for a bit while i got a job and saved up enough to finally rent a place of my own. it’s a modest apartment, but i have a steady income and have even started doing an online course to get a degree. it’s not an amazing situation, but considering the state i was in four years ago its the best i could have hoped for.
around a week ago my mum turned up at my house. i hadn’t spoken to her since i finished school and never planned to. honestly, i’d half thought she died over the years. apparently she got my address from some friends. she told me that she was homeless, and needed a place to stay until she found somewhere else. it was clear she was still using. i asked her about it, and she made it very clear she had no interest in getting clean. on top of all of that, she tried to bribe me with some pills she had. and yes, she knows that i am clean.
i told her even if i wanted her there, having an active addict in the same house with a recovering one is setting me up for failure. i am not prepared to go down that road again. it took me so long to fix my life, i’m not throwing it away for some women who neglected me my whole childhood. she started screaming at me, saying i was selfish and stuck up and that since she was my mum, i owed her my life. i shut the door on her and threatened to call the police when she didn’t go. she eventually did, and i haven’t heard from her since.
i want to have a good relationship with her, but i just don’t think i can possibly live with the very person who almost destroyed my life, and i’m not going to risk my recovery for her. so, aita for refusing to let me homeless mother stay at my house?
| 2,371 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ukwa5r/aita_for_refusing_to_let_me_homeless_mother_stay/
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2022-05-08 07:06:53
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nta. first off, i am so proud of you on your recovery. second, you did the right thing, in my opinion. you’re sobriety and sanity is most important. keep up the good job.
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nta
there are resources out there to help her. don’t put yourself in a situation where you could relapse. you are still having to work at being sober.
also, congratulations on how far you’ve come! this internet stranger is proud of you.
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nta.
you hold on to your recovery like a winning lottery ticket.
it’s admirable that you want to have a good relationship with your mother, but you’ve got to keep working on you right now.
stay strong.
stay amazing!
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nta, you had a rough childhood, that wasn't your fault, and you've pulled yourself up and gotten yourself together and are on a good path, i hope you know how proud of yourself you should be. everything you said to her was true -the fact that she turned on you so quickly is proof that your mom is not thinking of your best interests, honestly she's not thinking of her own best interests either - she's lost in drugs and thats not something you can fix. it's a sad situation but keep moving forward and live your best life.
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what you are is an inspiration. what you are not is an ah.
when it comes to maintaining sobriety, you have every right to protect what you fought so hard to get. and you know it was a fight.
she wasn’t prepared to help you stay clean. worse, she was poised to destroy the life you have.
you do whatever it takes to keep what you have. you deserve to. you’ve earned it.
nta
(*virtual hug*)
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nta
you know what my children owe me?? nothing. but, if they really ever did want to "pay me back", they can do that by living the best life they can. whatever that looks like for them. since your mother is lost in addiction right now and can't figure out what she's supposed to do or say, i'll say it: my wish for you is that you thrive in life, and i'm proud of you for your recovery. it's not easy and you've done amazing.
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nta.
you’ve worked hard to get where you are. don’t throw it away! you’re absolutely right, having her in your home would be a terrible idea.
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absolutely nta. proud of you for getting clean and working your butt off to be better. i’m so sorry your mom doesn’t want to get clean but you need to take care of yourself.
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nta, i’ve been in a similar situation and if you felt like there was hope, i’d say that you’d be there for them if they set their intentions on getting clean. either way you have to choose you first especially with how hard you’ve worked to get to this point. anything else is second
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nta- you are not obligated to take care of your mother. you are allowed to initiate or terminate contact with people who are not healthy for you to set boundaries. i would personally suggest not trying to have a relationship with her until she gets clean. my brother was a homeless addict and sadly died of an overdose. his drugs were laced. i didn't see him for many years before he passed. i grieved hard but i know i did the right things for myself. i had to protect myself and set boundaries. we can love people from afar but we cannot help them unless they want the help.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (22f) grew up poor with my single mother. i turned to drugs when i was 14 and was in and out of rehab until i was 18. it was an extremely hard time and most of it was a blur. the one thing i know for sure was that my mum did nothing for me except fuel my addiction. she only sent me to rehab because it meant she didn’t have to ‘look after’ me when i was gone. i was lucky enough to meet a guy who helped me to finally get sober, and back on my feet. i lived with him for a bit while i got a job and saved up enough to finally rent a place of my own. it’s a modest apartment, but i have a steady income and have even started doing an online course to get a degree. it’s not an amazing situation, but considering the state i was in four years ago its the best i could have hoped for. around a week ago my mum turned up at my house. i hadn’t spoken to her since i finished school and never planned to. honestly, i’d half thought she died over the years. apparently she got my address from some friends. she told me that she was homeless, and needed a place to stay until she found somewhere else. it was clear she was still using. i asked her about it, and she made it very clear she had no interest in getting clean. on top of all of that, she tried to bribe me with some pills she had. and yes, she knows that i am clean. i told her even if i wanted her there, having an active addict in the same house with a recovering one is setting me up for failure. i am not prepared to go down that road again. it took me so long to fix my life, i’m not throwing it away for some women who neglected me my whole childhood. she started screaming at me, saying i was selfish and stuck up and that since she was my mum, i owed her my life. i shut the door on her and threatened to call the police when she didn’t go. she eventually did, and i haven’t heard from her since. i want to have a good relationship with her, but i just don’t think i can possibly live with the very person who almost destroyed my life, and i’m not going to risk my recovery for her. so, aita for refusing to let me homeless mother stay at my house?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (22f) grew up poor with my single mother. i turned to drugs when i was 14 and was in and out of rehab until i was 18. it was an extremely hard time and most of it was a blur. the one thing i know for sure was that my mum did nothing for me except fuel my addiction. she only sent me to rehab because it meant she didn’t have to ‘look after’ me when i was gone. i was lucky enough to meet a guy who helped me to finally get sober, and back on my feet. i lived with him for a bit while i got a job and saved up enough to finally rent a place of my own. it’s a modest apartment, but i have a steady income and have even started doing an online course to get a degree. it’s not an amazing situation, but considering the state i was in four years ago its the best i could have hoped for. around a week ago my mum turned up at my house. i hadn’t spoken to her since i finished school and never planned to. honestly, i’d half thought she died over the years. apparently she got my address from some friends. she told me that she was homeless, and needed a place to stay until she found somewhere else. it was clear she was still using. i asked her about it, and she made it very clear she had no interest in getting clean. on top of all of that, she tried to bribe me with some pills she had. and yes, she knows that i am clean. i told her even if i wanted her there, having an active addict in the same house with a recovering one is setting me up for failure. i am not prepared to go down that road again. it took me so long to fix my life, i’m not throwing it away for some women who neglected me my whole childhood. she started screaming at me, saying i was selfish and stuck up and that since she was my mum, i owed her my life. i shut the door on her and threatened to call the police when she didn’t go. she eventually did, and i haven’t heard from her since. i want to have a good relationship with her, but i just don’t think i can possibly live with the very person who almost destroyed my life, and i’m not going to risk my recovery for her. so, aita for refusing to let me homeless mother stay at my house? [/INST] nta. first off, i am so proud of you on your recovery. second, you did the right thing, in my opinion. you’re sobriety and sanity is most important. keep up the good job. </s>
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AITA for eating without my husband?
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am i the asshole for eating without my husband?
i had the day off today, and didn’t feel like cooking dinner so i asked my husband to pick up an order i placed at a local steakhouse, while on his way home. he calls and says he’s on the way, so i set the table, and got our drinks ready as the steakhouse is just a couple of miles away. he gets home and says “oh, i can’t eat yet. i have to wait on the neighbor so we can smoke, or else he’ll cry about it since it’s tradition to smoke after work.” i said “well, he doesn’t normally get home until after 6 pm.” (it was 5:25 when my husband got here) i did get annoyed because my husband always complains about our neighbor, how he’s needy and a whiner. i told him “i’ve been looking forward to this all day, i got everything out of the way so we could just chill so yeah, i am kind of annoyed that i have to wait until the neighbor gets here.” and also, i ordered a burger and fries and i didn’t want to eat cold food!!! if he had told me before, i would’ve waited to place the order for a later dinner. for what it’s worth, i do know they smoke after work, it’s never a set time but i didn’t consider it a “tradition.” the neighbor shows up at 6:18pm, and my husband stepped outside. i just ended up eating in the kitchen by myself, which i do think was kind of immature of me. he comes in after smoking and he says “ok, i’m ready let’s eat.” i just rolled my eyes and said well i ate already, and he says “really, you couldn’t have waited?” i just asked for space and he said i was being ugly and rude. i’m annoyed at myself because i’m bothered by it but he’s not, so maybe i should’ve just waited. am i the asshole?
| 2,145 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mzb0mh/aita_for_eating_without_my_husband/
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2021-04-26 23:25:46
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nta. he had an hour to eat the hot dinner that he picked up on his way home before going for his smoke.
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nta.
he could have eaten in the time it took for the neighbor to get there. burgers, and especially fries, don't reheat well at all, even in the oven.
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nta. you don’t need to schedule your meals around some random dude, even if your husband does.
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nta. your husband could have told the friend he couldn’t make it tonight. it doesn’t sound like it’s an actual tradition, and i may be jumping to conclusions, but it sounds like your husband is blaming your neighbor whining about it because he doesn’t want to admit that he actually really wants to himself. badly enough that he’s going to make his wife but off dinner so he can smoke with this supposedly whiny neighbor.
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nta. yeah, that’s some bullshit.
on the one hand, there was hot food on the table - tasty steakhouse food no less, which isn’t going to keep well very long - plus a wife who was eager to share that meal with him. that sounds pretty awesome.
on the other, a loose arrangement with a neighbor to smoke together at maybe some undetermined time.
that shouldn’t have even be a close race, if for no other reason than you guys had *plenty* of time eat first, and he could have still done *both*.
yet he inexplicably chose to prioritize the loose plans with the neighbor!? and he chose....poorly. there needs to be some serious follow-up discussions about priorities and courtesy and communication. and about not using lofty-sounding words like “tradition” as an excuse to be an inconsiderate jackass to your spouse.
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nta
he could have easily made an exception and told his neighbor he wasn’t available as he’s having dinner with his wife. i mean, what is so special that he wouldn’t skip one day?? nope nta. your husband is being a baby.
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nta. the neighbour didn't get home until 6. he had half an hour to sit down with you and eat. he might be okay with cold food, but you weren't and you made it clear to him that you wanted to eat then.
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nta. why should you let your food get cold so your husband can go do something with someone else? why wouldn't he tell the neighbor that he's going to eat dinner with his wife first? why make both of you wait?
if my partner did that i would flat tell him that he can wait if he wants but i'm eating my dinner while its hot. it's a big dick move on your husbands part to turn it on you afterwards. i don't think you were immature for eating the food that you ordered. he prioritized the whiney neighbor over his wife. he's the asshole.
thinking about that poor burger getting cold is legitimately upsetting. it's not like it can just be microwaved!
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nta.
> my husband always complains about our neighbor, how he’s needy and a whiner
are you sure your husband is not the needy and whiny one? he just has to smoke with the neighbour before dinner even though he's not back for another half hour at least, and he has to eat with you and not alone, and now he's whining about you being ugly and rude.
you should have started eating at 5.30 though. i can see why he asked why you couldn't have waited since you didn't eat until he went to smoke.
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nta i would’ve eaten without him also. take out is not good reheated. it’s barely passingly decent reheated. and i get he wanted to hang out with his friend. but that should have had zero to do with you eating. you were hungry so you ate. end of story.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: am i the asshole for eating without my husband? i had the day off today, and didn’t feel like cooking dinner so i asked my husband to pick up an order i placed at a local steakhouse, while on his way home. he calls and says he’s on the way, so i set the table, and got our drinks ready as the steakhouse is just a couple of miles away. he gets home and says “oh, i can’t eat yet. i have to wait on the neighbor so we can smoke, or else he’ll cry about it since it’s tradition to smoke after work.” i said “well, he doesn’t normally get home until after 6 pm.” (it was 5:25 when my husband got here) i did get annoyed because my husband always complains about our neighbor, how he’s needy and a whiner. i told him “i’ve been looking forward to this all day, i got everything out of the way so we could just chill so yeah, i am kind of annoyed that i have to wait until the neighbor gets here.” and also, i ordered a burger and fries and i didn’t want to eat cold food!!! if he had told me before, i would’ve waited to place the order for a later dinner. for what it’s worth, i do know they smoke after work, it’s never a set time but i didn’t consider it a “tradition.” the neighbor shows up at 6:18pm, and my husband stepped outside. i just ended up eating in the kitchen by myself, which i do think was kind of immature of me. he comes in after smoking and he says “ok, i’m ready let’s eat.” i just rolled my eyes and said well i ate already, and he says “really, you couldn’t have waited?” i just asked for space and he said i was being ugly and rude. i’m annoyed at myself because i’m bothered by it but he’s not, so maybe i should’ve just waited. am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
am i the asshole for eating without my husband? i had the day off today, and didn’t feel like cooking dinner so i asked my husband to pick up an order i placed at a local steakhouse, while on his way home. he calls and says he’s on the way, so i set the table, and got our drinks ready as the steakhouse is just a couple of miles away. he gets home and says “oh, i can’t eat yet. i have to wait on the neighbor so we can smoke, or else he’ll cry about it since it’s tradition to smoke after work.” i said “well, he doesn’t normally get home until after 6 pm.” (it was 5:25 when my husband got here) i did get annoyed because my husband always complains about our neighbor, how he’s needy and a whiner. i told him “i’ve been looking forward to this all day, i got everything out of the way so we could just chill so yeah, i am kind of annoyed that i have to wait until the neighbor gets here.” and also, i ordered a burger and fries and i didn’t want to eat cold food!!! if he had told me before, i would’ve waited to place the order for a later dinner. for what it’s worth, i do know they smoke after work, it’s never a set time but i didn’t consider it a “tradition.” the neighbor shows up at 6:18pm, and my husband stepped outside. i just ended up eating in the kitchen by myself, which i do think was kind of immature of me. he comes in after smoking and he says “ok, i’m ready let’s eat.” i just rolled my eyes and said well i ate already, and he says “really, you couldn’t have waited?” i just asked for space and he said i was being ugly and rude. i’m annoyed at myself because i’m bothered by it but he’s not, so maybe i should’ve just waited. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. he had an hour to eat the hot dinner that he picked up on his way home before going for his smoke. </s>
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AITA For lying to my daughter about meat and not letting her cousin see her?
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i'm going to try and be quick. my daughter, seven, has autism and severe sensory disorder. one of the only foods she will eat is cheese stuffed chicken breast with boiled egg. she eats it literally every single day.
a few day ago she had a meltdown and refused to eat her food. i was panicking and thought she could no longer eat it, turns out her cousin has just explained that chicken meat comes from real chickens and eggs are the babies.
she was distraught and i wound up telling her that the animals were different and the eggs werent actually babies (on guidance from her dietitian and therapist) and shes eating them again. we will be tackling this issue in therapy when i can finally get her in.
i was pretty pissed with my niece. i called her up and she essentially called me a bitch and i shoudnt be lying to my daughter. i disagree, this is literally one of the only foods she will eat.
my sister got into the argument and said she agreed, but i'm still not sure that i'm in the wrong. she shouldn't of butted in, and i wouldnt of needed to lie if it wasnt for her. i'd like to note that my daughter didnt ask about the meat, my niece told her off her own back.
so, am i the asshole?
| 3,706 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nmh0sy/aita_for_lying_to_my_daughter_about_meat_and_not/
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2021-05-27 20:38:26
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nta
to be fair, the eggs aren't babies. they're unfertilized so it's not like you killed unborn baby chickens to feed your daughter.
when my kid was little, he was convinced he didn't like cheese but would eat mac n cheese like any good red blooded american toddler. i told him there was no cheese in it. yep, i lied to him. nope, i don't regret it. sometimes you have to do weird shit to get your kids to eat.
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nta. if her support team of mental health and nutrition practitioners recommended this approach, you’re doing the best you can. from one asd mom to another.
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why is your niece, who you say in another comment is **19**, going out of her way to tell your **7** year old where meat comes from?? it seems very clear that she did this intentionally to make your daughter stop eating chicken / eggs, does she know about the sensory issues? this just seems almost malicious from your niece.
lying to your kid is usually a bad idea, but you say her therapist was on board. if she has sensory issues to the extent that she *literally* cannot / will not eat anything else, i don’t see what other choice you had, force feed her??
nta
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nta your niece clearly has no idea what you’re going through or how difficult it is to find something your daughter will eat. she was totally out of place. if she had concerns, she should have gone to you with them first rather than going behind your back.
it sounds like your niece is the kind of person who hates santa.
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nta
i am vegan, and would never dream of doing this! any form of food shaming is wrong, but even more so when dealing with a situation such as yours.
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nta. i am autistic and have severe sensory issues. you told her a white lie so she wouldn't starve.
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nta.
your niece sounds like she's at her 'woke' stage, she sees the world in black and white and doesn't care your child won't eat other things. good time to tell her the world is not always perfect.
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nta. in a way your sister is right, you shouldn't be lying to your daughter, but the harm caused by lying to her is less than the harm caused by her not eating. your daughter's therapist and dietician have agreed with that. it's really none of your niece's business.
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this is literally a life vs death situation.
i'm autistic (aspergers), and even with my very black and white thinking on right and wrong, and my hatred of lies.. i think the cousin is an asshole.
an autistic child with food issues, is not the kid that you're honest with about exactly what their food is, and where it comes from. you just need them to actually eat enough to stay alive and develop properly.
nta. anyone that says you are, has zero understanding of autistic and sensory processing disordered food issues.
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nta
your niece seriously cost you some hard won ground here and her response was to call you a b?! she needs to fall on her sword and acknowledge that what she said wasn't necessary or even entirely correct (eggs absolutely are not babies). she wanted to say something provocative to a 7 y.o. and now she needs to stand there in her wrongness and accept it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm going to try and be quick. my daughter, seven, has autism and severe sensory disorder. one of the only foods she will eat is cheese stuffed chicken breast with boiled egg. she eats it literally every single day. a few day ago she had a meltdown and refused to eat her food. i was panicking and thought she could no longer eat it, turns out her cousin has just explained that chicken meat comes from real chickens and eggs are the babies. she was distraught and i wound up telling her that the animals were different and the eggs werent actually babies (on guidance from her dietitian and therapist) and shes eating them again. we will be tackling this issue in therapy when i can finally get her in. i was pretty pissed with my niece. i called her up and she essentially called me a bitch and i shoudnt be lying to my daughter. i disagree, this is literally one of the only foods she will eat. my sister got into the argument and said she agreed, but i'm still not sure that i'm in the wrong. she shouldn't of butted in, and i wouldnt of needed to lie if it wasnt for her. i'd like to note that my daughter didnt ask about the meat, my niece told her off her own back. so, am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm going to try and be quick. my daughter, seven, has autism and severe sensory disorder. one of the only foods she will eat is cheese stuffed chicken breast with boiled egg. she eats it literally every single day. a few day ago she had a meltdown and refused to eat her food. i was panicking and thought she could no longer eat it, turns out her cousin has just explained that chicken meat comes from real chickens and eggs are the babies. she was distraught and i wound up telling her that the animals were different and the eggs werent actually babies (on guidance from her dietitian and therapist) and shes eating them again. we will be tackling this issue in therapy when i can finally get her in. i was pretty pissed with my niece. i called her up and she essentially called me a bitch and i shoudnt be lying to my daughter. i disagree, this is literally one of the only foods she will eat. my sister got into the argument and said she agreed, but i'm still not sure that i'm in the wrong. she shouldn't of butted in, and i wouldnt of needed to lie if it wasnt for her. i'd like to note that my daughter didnt ask about the meat, my niece told her off her own back. so, am i the asshole? [/INST] nta to be fair, the eggs aren't babies. they're unfertilized so it's not like you killed unborn baby chickens to feed your daughter. when my kid was little, he was convinced he didn't like cheese but would eat mac n cheese like any good red blooded american toddler. i told him there was no cheese in it. yep, i lied to him. nope, i don't regret it. sometimes you have to do weird shit to get your kids to eat. </s>
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AITA for buying my wife a weightloss kit for her birthday?
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i’m a 25 year old guy and i’m married to my wife who is 24. okay so recently i’ve noticed that she’s gained a bit of weight, not crazy or anything ridiculous, but a bit. i’m into fitness myself so i like to stay active and healthy in general. well her birthday was a couple days ago and along with some other gifts, i got her a weightloss/workout bundle kit. immediately she became upset with me about it and was thinking i was mad at her or saying she’s fat, which i wasn’t. i tried explaining to her why i did it, but she didn’t wanna hear me. it’s been a couple days now and she’s still pissed about it. aita?
| 3,030 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hefehv/aita_for_buying_my_wife_a_weightloss_kit_for_her/
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2020-06-23 14:17:46
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yta that's not a gift, that's an accusation that she's not good enough in your eyes.
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yta. you weren't *just* calling her fat. you were also telling her to stop being fat. on her birthday.
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this is a troll right? no one's this obtuse? due to a fundamental need to believe in humanity, i'm choosing to believe so, but on the off chance, yes 100% yta
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yeah yta. putting the “woman and her weight” thing aside, what you basically did here is get her a birthday gift that was something either *you* wanted or you decided she *should* want. it wasn’t at all related to her interests or values. that’s not a gift—it’s an expectation, or a request.
tbh any self improvement type of thing that your partner hasn’t explicitly expressed interest in is a bit of a no go—it feels like a passive aggressive way to start a conversation about you and your partners diverging values. if you wanted her to care about fitness with you, then talking to her about it and making it an invitation to share something would have been a better start.
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yta. did she ask for things to aid in losing weight? why use her birthday as a time to introduce this subject?!
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could you not afford a peloton?
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of course you were saying she's fat, that's exactly why you gave her the kit. it's a shitty thing to do and an even shittier thing to do in the guise of a "gift".
happy birthday, honey! use this to get back down to fighting weight so i don't have to look at your flab!
yta
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you’re not very good at being married are you? 😂
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yta... how will you feel if she gets a "how not to be a shitty partner" book for your birthday? it was her birthday and that gift was rude!
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yta...do you not love your wife? because that's a present for you, not her.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m a 25 year old guy and i’m married to my wife who is 24. okay so recently i’ve noticed that she’s gained a bit of weight, not crazy or anything ridiculous, but a bit. i’m into fitness myself so i like to stay active and healthy in general. well her birthday was a couple days ago and along with some other gifts, i got her a weightloss/workout bundle kit. immediately she became upset with me about it and was thinking i was mad at her or saying she’s fat, which i wasn’t. i tried explaining to her why i did it, but she didn’t wanna hear me. it’s been a couple days now and she’s still pissed about it. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m a 25 year old guy and i’m married to my wife who is 24. okay so recently i’ve noticed that she’s gained a bit of weight, not crazy or anything ridiculous, but a bit. i’m into fitness myself so i like to stay active and healthy in general. well her birthday was a couple days ago and along with some other gifts, i got her a weightloss/workout bundle kit. immediately she became upset with me about it and was thinking i was mad at her or saying she’s fat, which i wasn’t. i tried explaining to her why i did it, but she didn’t wanna hear me. it’s been a couple days now and she’s still pissed about it. aita? [/INST] yta that's not a gift, that's an accusation that she's not good enough in your eyes. </s>
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AITA for being pissed at the babysitter bringing in her bf
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tonight was my wedding anniversary. my husband and i never get to go out alone. ever. last year we hired the neighbors (also landlady's) daughter to babysit our 3 kids. she did great. they loved her and we felt safe leaving. so we hired her again this year. we were gone for 3 hours and came home to her boyfriend in our house. my husband thinks it's all cool but i was pissed and i said so as nicely as i could force myself to. i don't know anything about this guy never seen him before and he was in my home around my kids without us knowing. she said she couldn't handle the kids and needed help and he'd not been here long but .... just no! my husband is mad at me for being mad at her. she could have called us and said hey i can't handle this can you come home. but she didn't. when i checked in while on our date she said everything was fine. i told my husband i won't hire her again.
am i the asshole?
| 762 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s528gn/aita_for_being_pissed_at_the_babysitter_bringing/
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2022-01-16 03:24:39
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nta, i would have been wild, a complete stranger having private access to my children? she shouldn’t have accepted the job if she couldn’t handle it.
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nta. she had no right to bring a stranger into your home without talking to you. a simple phone call could have avoided this. you have every right to be wary of her.
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one of the first rules of babysitting is "no boyfriends". a stranger in your home, with your children, nevermind what him and the babysitter could have been doing. extremely huge nta
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nta
you never agreed to that and it’s a stranger in your home with your kids. absolutely not. if she “can’t handle the kids” then she shouldn’t be a babysitter.
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nta. these are your kids and your home. the babysitter invited a complete stranger without permission. i can’t believe she would think this is ok and shows a real lack of maturity.
growing up, inviting anyone over to a babysitting job without the parents’ explicit permission was a major no-no. i wouldn’t hire her again.
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nta. having another person there without your knowledge is a major breach of trust.
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nta, she concealed this during your check-in call. there was a non-consensual male stranger looking after your kids when you got home, hell to the no no no!
and the way i'm reading it, have you not been able to get out of the house for a random romantic date in the past year?😲. i really hope you can find some better childcare and take more dates
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nta. when i was a very young child - 4 year old - i was sexually assaulted by the bf of a babysitter that my parents trusted completely.
what your babysitter did was utterly wrong, and her judgement is not trustworthy. i realize that i am not objective on this matter, but by god, this does happen.
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nta. most people i knew who babysat knew this wasn't okay. you have every right to be uncomfortable and upset. if she was having trouble handling the kids, she could have called you or maybe her mother (if she was available).
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nta , wanting to know who is watching your kids is a very fair thing to want. this guy could’ve been a major creep or something (i’m assuming he wasn’t) but you are absolutely nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: tonight was my wedding anniversary. my husband and i never get to go out alone. ever. last year we hired the neighbors (also landlady's) daughter to babysit our 3 kids. she did great. they loved her and we felt safe leaving. so we hired her again this year. we were gone for 3 hours and came home to her boyfriend in our house. my husband thinks it's all cool but i was pissed and i said so as nicely as i could force myself to. i don't know anything about this guy never seen him before and he was in my home around my kids without us knowing. she said she couldn't handle the kids and needed help and he'd not been here long but .... just no! my husband is mad at me for being mad at her. she could have called us and said hey i can't handle this can you come home. but she didn't. when i checked in while on our date she said everything was fine. i told my husband i won't hire her again. am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
tonight was my wedding anniversary. my husband and i never get to go out alone. ever. last year we hired the neighbors (also landlady's) daughter to babysit our 3 kids. she did great. they loved her and we felt safe leaving. so we hired her again this year. we were gone for 3 hours and came home to her boyfriend in our house. my husband thinks it's all cool but i was pissed and i said so as nicely as i could force myself to. i don't know anything about this guy never seen him before and he was in my home around my kids without us knowing. she said she couldn't handle the kids and needed help and he'd not been here long but .... just no! my husband is mad at me for being mad at her. she could have called us and said hey i can't handle this can you come home. but she didn't. when i checked in while on our date she said everything was fine. i told my husband i won't hire her again. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta, i would have been wild, a complete stranger having private access to my children? she shouldn’t have accepted the job if she couldn’t handle it. </s>
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AITA for being obnoxious when my MIL showed me pictures of my husband's exes? Pretending we were playing "Smash or Pass"
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my mil doesn't like me much, i don't think. i was visiting her for the holidays and she was showing me a photo book of pictures of my husband.
i feel like she doesn't care for me and purposely looks for things to make me insecure.
she showed me a page with a couple pictures of my husband and other girls. all very coupley photos, a prom photo, a picture of him kissing a lady, and a picture of him on a boat with a different lady in his lap.
and she made a comment saying that his first girlfriend was so pretty and also a christian.
as a joke, i said "smash" pointing at one of the pictures. then at another "pass" and at another "smash"
and she was like "what?"
and i was like "wait what was the game? smash or pass?"
and she again goes "what" all confused.
i said "oh were we not playing smash or pass?"
she asks what that is, and i said "oh, it's a game where you decide if people are hot! like if you think they're hot enough you'd sleep with them, you say "smash" and otherwise you say "pass". i figured that's what you were going for talking about how hot this chick is!"
she said that she didn't understand, and i was like "come on, it's fun!"
she said that it was really inappropriate of me, and i said it was just a bit of fun.
she got frustrated and asked if i was serious. i said 'oh not literally, like i'm not trying to actually sleep with anyone! i thought we were just talking about who's hottest!"
she said that was really wrong of me and i said that i thought she was trying to gossip about which of his exes were hot and which are not, from what she said.
she slammed the photo book shut and called me childish.
which is fair, like i'd kinda stolen the joke from a tik tok after all...
aita for being obnoxious about my mil showing me pictures of his exes?
| 9,405 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sieizx/aita_for_being_obnoxious_when_my_mil_showed_me/
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2022-02-02 03:42:59
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nta - next time bring a photo album of your exes and go through them with her. “oh here’s mark. you know what was great about him? he didn’t have a mother showing me photos of his exes.”
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lol, seems like a super awesome response to passive aggressive behavior. nta
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nta - what a fantastic way to take the wind right out of her sails and wind her up, instead of letting her get to you.
let's be honest, she was only doing this to be an absolute ah and try to make you feel like you weren't good enough for her son. fantastic response.
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nta - she tried to make you jealous and humiliate you and you turned it back on her. well done.
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nta - this is actually a fantastic approach.
either mil is forced to admit to what she's actually doing, has to come up with a bs excuse on the fly that a blind bat will be able to look through, or has to go along with you. win-win all the way for you!
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nta. how the turntables.
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nta
petty and funny. especially for the "and she's also a christian" comment. and a much better response then just cussing her out for passively saying they were better.
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nta. and a hilarious comeback to her trying to compare you to the exes. if she wasn’t trying to compare she would have glossed over the photos, not pointed them out and commented on them. i would think she’s trying to make you jealous and it didn’t work. that’s gold!
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nta. that was hilarious.
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nta
she was trying to be a witch and make you feel insecure and jealous over your boy friends exs.
what a petty and gross person.
honestly what you did was pretty funny, she's just mad that you wouldn't play her game.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mil doesn't like me much, i don't think. i was visiting her for the holidays and she was showing me a photo book of pictures of my husband. i feel like she doesn't care for me and purposely looks for things to make me insecure. she showed me a page with a couple pictures of my husband and other girls. all very coupley photos, a prom photo, a picture of him kissing a lady, and a picture of him on a boat with a different lady in his lap. and she made a comment saying that his first girlfriend was so pretty and also a christian. as a joke, i said "smash" pointing at one of the pictures. then at another "pass" and at another "smash" and she was like "what?" and i was like "wait what was the game? smash or pass?" and she again goes "what" all confused. i said "oh were we not playing smash or pass?" she asks what that is, and i said "oh, it's a game where you decide if people are hot! like if you think they're hot enough you'd sleep with them, you say "smash" and otherwise you say "pass". i figured that's what you were going for talking about how hot this chick is!" she said that she didn't understand, and i was like "come on, it's fun!" she said that it was really inappropriate of me, and i said it was just a bit of fun. she got frustrated and asked if i was serious. i said 'oh not literally, like i'm not trying to actually sleep with anyone! i thought we were just talking about who's hottest!" she said that was really wrong of me and i said that i thought she was trying to gossip about which of his exes were hot and which are not, from what she said. she slammed the photo book shut and called me childish. which is fair, like i'd kinda stolen the joke from a tik tok after all... aita for being obnoxious about my mil showing me pictures of his exes?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my mil doesn't like me much, i don't think. i was visiting her for the holidays and she was showing me a photo book of pictures of my husband. i feel like she doesn't care for me and purposely looks for things to make me insecure. she showed me a page with a couple pictures of my husband and other girls. all very coupley photos, a prom photo, a picture of him kissing a lady, and a picture of him on a boat with a different lady in his lap. and she made a comment saying that his first girlfriend was so pretty and also a christian. as a joke, i said "smash" pointing at one of the pictures. then at another "pass" and at another "smash" and she was like "what?" and i was like "wait what was the game? smash or pass?" and she again goes "what" all confused. i said "oh were we not playing smash or pass?" she asks what that is, and i said "oh, it's a game where you decide if people are hot! like if you think they're hot enough you'd sleep with them, you say "smash" and otherwise you say "pass". i figured that's what you were going for talking about how hot this chick is!" she said that she didn't understand, and i was like "come on, it's fun!" she said that it was really inappropriate of me, and i said it was just a bit of fun. she got frustrated and asked if i was serious. i said 'oh not literally, like i'm not trying to actually sleep with anyone! i thought we were just talking about who's hottest!" she said that was really wrong of me and i said that i thought she was trying to gossip about which of his exes were hot and which are not, from what she said. she slammed the photo book shut and called me childish. which is fair, like i'd kinda stolen the joke from a tik tok after all... aita for being obnoxious about my mil showing me pictures of his exes? [/INST] nta - next time bring a photo album of your exes and go through them with her. “oh here’s mark. you know what was great about him? he didn’t have a mother showing me photos of his exes.” </s>
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AITA for calling my fiancé a d*ck?
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so last night we were sleeping when his sister's baby (she is our roommate and is in the bedroom next to ours) started crying. she has been trying to wean him and stop nursing him back to sleep when he wakes up at night. its been really hard for her and she is not in a great place mentally.
anyway the baby cries for what felt like forever but was really only crying for a few minutes. we start tossing and turning, clearly both awake. he huffs and pulls open his phone.
our interaction goes something like this:
i say "do not text her."
him- "what? why not?"
me- "do not text her."
him- "i have a right to sleep in my own house."
me- "do not text her. that would be a dick move."
him- "what how? you're being a dick to me" he mumbles more about rights and sleeping.
me- "you think she wants to be dealing with a crying baby right now? do not text her. she's doing what she can and you texting her will only make her feel worse."
| 755 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kb1agn/aita_for_calling_my_fiancé_a_dck/
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2020-12-11 11:47:41
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nta, that wouldn’t help at all, is she gonna show the text to the baby and the baby will be like “oh, right, my bad, didn’t mean to disrupt your sleep” and quiet down? i’m sure it’s really stressful for her especially because she’s doing it alone. good looking out for his sister.
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nta. don’t have kids with him
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nta. babies cry. if he doesn’t want to get woken up by a crying baby, he shouldn’t live with a baby. harassing the mom about baby crying will only further stress the mom.
this age will pass though. the child won’t be a baby forever.
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not only wouldn't help, but it would probably stress her out more, and babies respond to their mother's stress. so if it's already crying and she's struggling, texting her will up her stress level, and up the baby's, thereby making it cry harder and longer.
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nta, he was indeed being a dick.
i understand his frustration, but this is part of living with a baby.
> she's doing what she can and you texting her will only make her feel worse.
this is absolutely right, she is probably feeling incredibly guilty for both leaving her baby crying and it keeping you two awake, but quieting him for one night isn't going to help anyone.
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nta .. you said it's a dick move not that he's a dick.
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nta, you didn't call your fiancé a dick, but if you had, you wouldn't be wrong..
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i'm laughing at this, but only because i've been there! hearing my kids cry...ugh...i suppose it's an instinct thing? it literally makes my heart ache.
nta, and make sure someone does a mental health check with sis occasionally. not saying she has it but ppd is a bitch! i never had it until my youngest. i didn't even realize i had it. it was my fiancé who mentioned it talking to my dr.
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info: this depends on how your living arrangements came to be. did he knowingly decide to live with an infant?
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nta. weaning a baby is (from my understanding) often a test of stamina. it's just a part of having an infant in the house, and it will pass.
you're right - texting her won't change anything. she's not trying to cause him to be awake, but this is what happens when there's a baby in the house and he should have been aware of it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so last night we were sleeping when his sister's baby (she is our roommate and is in the bedroom next to ours) started crying. she has been trying to wean him and stop nursing him back to sleep when he wakes up at night. its been really hard for her and she is not in a great place mentally. anyway the baby cries for what felt like forever but was really only crying for a few minutes. we start tossing and turning, clearly both awake. he huffs and pulls open his phone. our interaction goes something like this: i say "do not text her." him- "what? why not?" me- "do not text her." him- "i have a right to sleep in my own house." me- "do not text her. that would be a dick move." him- "what how? you're being a dick to me" he mumbles more about rights and sleeping. me- "you think she wants to be dealing with a crying baby right now? do not text her. she's doing what she can and you texting her will only make her feel worse."
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so last night we were sleeping when his sister's baby (she is our roommate and is in the bedroom next to ours) started crying. she has been trying to wean him and stop nursing him back to sleep when he wakes up at night. its been really hard for her and she is not in a great place mentally. anyway the baby cries for what felt like forever but was really only crying for a few minutes. we start tossing and turning, clearly both awake. he huffs and pulls open his phone. our interaction goes something like this: i say "do not text her." him- "what? why not?" me- "do not text her." him- "i have a right to sleep in my own house." me- "do not text her. that would be a dick move." him- "what how? you're being a dick to me" he mumbles more about rights and sleeping. me- "you think she wants to be dealing with a crying baby right now? do not text her. she's doing what she can and you texting her will only make her feel worse." [/INST] nta, that wouldn’t help at all, is she gonna show the text to the baby and the baby will be like “oh, right, my bad, didn’t mean to disrupt your sleep” and quiet down? i’m sure it’s really stressful for her especially because she’s doing it alone. good looking out for his sister. </s>
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AITA for teaching my female housemate a lesson that was moreso embarrassing to me?
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i have five housemates, 2 male and 3 female. i'm male. we are all between 19 and 22 and go to college together but don't really know each other too well.
anyways i have a female roommate that has a horrible habit of never knocking and assuming people will always lock doors. she opened the bathroom one time while i was showering and yelled at me for not locking the door and then asked to brush her teeth. another time she opened my fucking bedroom door to ask me a question which is a huge invasion. i regularly see her try to open locked bathroom doors when someone is clearly showering.
anyways today i got out of the shower and heard her bedroom door slam, which meant she was coming to the bathroom and definitely wasn't knocking. anyways i actually forgot to lock the door and thought on the spot "i bet if i stand here nude when she opens the door she'll never not knock again." anyways i just remained standing naked and she opens the door, her jaw drops and she slams the door.
after i got out i saw she was waiting in the hallway. she says "you didn't lock the fucking door. i literally saw your penis dude, not cool." and i said "maybe you should start knocking," and she says "how about you lock the door? you made no effort to cover your penis when i opened the door. you're lucky i'm not reporting you for sexual harassment."
am i really the asshole here?
| 266 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/al310i/aita_for_teaching_my_female_housemate_a_lesson/
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2019-01-29 18:32:01
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nta
she has just as much obligation to respect other people’s privacy as she expects them to oblige her and lock the doors to keep her entitlement in check.
tell her you might report her for sexual harassment for walking in on you during your shower.... repeatedly. she’s the serial offender here.
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nta.
she has a serious lack of respect for privacy. it is common decency to knock on a private door before entering.
...but, if you don't want her to barge in your room or the bathroom, lock the damn door. that's what it's for.
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esh— you should be locking the bathroom door, nobody expects to have to knock every time they take a piss, that’s fucking ridiculous. however, you should have a reasonable expectation of privacy in your bedroom, locked or not. it is reasonable to expect a knock before entering someone’s private bedroom. general rule: shared area, knocking not necessary.
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nta you have the right to privacy in your own home. if you opened the bathroom door and she had forgotten to lock it, she would likely be upset at you and not herself for forgetting. can you have a house meeting to (hopefully) once and for all put an end to her behavior on the basis that *you* had your privacy invaded because of *her*?
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esh.
she’s an asshole for not knocking - common courtesy before you enter a room.
you’re the asshole for the way you went about it - there’s different ways to resolve the issue at hand.
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she's the asshole for not knocking on your bedroom door, but who the fucks knocks on a bathroom. lock the door mate.
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nta.
you could be real petty and put up signs on your door and bathroom that say "knock before entering". now she has no excuse not to do the thing and if she doesn't knock, it's because she literally has zero respect (and not because she forgot). at which point, she's a big asshole.
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nta. but aside from that, what shade of blue is her hair?
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nta like jesus christ, do i have to explain why?
also, sexual harassment is for the workplace only. she'd be charging you with indecent exposure. she's also get laughed out of the police station.
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esh. she needs to learn to knock, but what you did was pretty uncalled for.
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.176777 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have five housemates, 2 male and 3 female. i'm male. we are all between 19 and 22 and go to college together but don't really know each other too well. anyways i have a female roommate that has a horrible habit of never knocking and assuming people will always lock doors. she opened the bathroom one time while i was showering and yelled at me for not locking the door and then asked to brush her teeth. another time she opened my fucking bedroom door to ask me a question which is a huge invasion. i regularly see her try to open locked bathroom doors when someone is clearly showering. anyways today i got out of the shower and heard her bedroom door slam, which meant she was coming to the bathroom and definitely wasn't knocking. anyways i actually forgot to lock the door and thought on the spot "i bet if i stand here nude when she opens the door she'll never not knock again." anyways i just remained standing naked and she opens the door, her jaw drops and she slams the door. after i got out i saw she was waiting in the hallway. she says "you didn't lock the fucking door. i literally saw your penis dude, not cool." and i said "maybe you should start knocking," and she says "how about you lock the door? you made no effort to cover your penis when i opened the door. you're lucky i'm not reporting you for sexual harassment." am i really the asshole here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have five housemates, 2 male and 3 female. i'm male. we are all between 19 and 22 and go to college together but don't really know each other too well. anyways i have a female roommate that has a horrible habit of never knocking and assuming people will always lock doors. she opened the bathroom one time while i was showering and yelled at me for not locking the door and then asked to brush her teeth. another time she opened my fucking bedroom door to ask me a question which is a huge invasion. i regularly see her try to open locked bathroom doors when someone is clearly showering. anyways today i got out of the shower and heard her bedroom door slam, which meant she was coming to the bathroom and definitely wasn't knocking. anyways i actually forgot to lock the door and thought on the spot "i bet if i stand here nude when she opens the door she'll never not knock again." anyways i just remained standing naked and she opens the door, her jaw drops and she slams the door. after i got out i saw she was waiting in the hallway. she says "you didn't lock the fucking door. i literally saw your penis dude, not cool." and i said "maybe you should start knocking," and she says "how about you lock the door? you made no effort to cover your penis when i opened the door. you're lucky i'm not reporting you for sexual harassment." am i really the asshole here? [/INST] nta she has just as much obligation to respect other people’s privacy as she expects them to oblige her and lock the doors to keep her entitlement in check. tell her you might report her for sexual harassment for walking in on you during your shower.... repeatedly. she’s the serial offender here. </s>
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AITA for putting headphones in while someone was talking to me?
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some people are really bad at taking cues. nothing is wrong with trying to make conversation with someone, but if they keep giving you one word answers, they probably aren't in the mood to talk.
this guy on the bus yesterday kept trying to make conversation with me. he was a nice guy, but i was really tired and not in the mood to talk.
"how's your evening going"
"good"
"so, are you a student here?"
"yeah"
"what are you studying?"
"bio."
"oh wow, my niece studies bio on the east coast."
*nod*
"what do you want to do with that after you graduate?"
"sorry i'm going to listen to a podcast now."
i took out my headphones, connected them to my phone, and the conversation was successfully aborted.
| 873 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dylfp7/aita_for_putting_headphones_in_while_someone_was/
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2019-11-19 14:54:54
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nta - you actually said what you were going to do in a nice way.
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nta
i absolutely *loathe* when random dudes start talking to me on public transportation. a good general tip is that if someone can't easily extricate themselves from the conversation, leave them alone. it's uncomfortable to be trapped on a bus or train until whatever stop is yours while stuck in a conversation with a stranger that you don't want to be having. if you simply must say hello to someone, at the very least pay attention to their body language and nonverbal cues and back off if they are not actively engaged. you are not entitled to a stranger's time and attention just because you want it.
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nta
too many dickhead dudes trying to talk to people on public transport that can't take a hint.
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nah, he was nice by trying to open up the conversation and you just want to rest so it's cool.
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nah tbh u were nice enough to tell the other person before putting on your headphones.
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nah, they were interested in student life, you politely declined conversation. end of story.
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nah, he wanted to chat and you declined politely. this was quite a common occurrence for me at my last place of work (taco bell). customers will try to keep your ear a little too long but when you’re in slam city, you need to do upkeep, or you just wanna sit in the break room in the back it is best to say, “i really need to get going” or “i need to listen to this biology podcast” in your case. very polite and very easy to do in practice.
i’ve also noticed that some people say the conversationist is crossing a boundary and that’s false. no boundary is crossed by starting polite conversation and none is crossed by ending it
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nta. you don’t know each other and while he may just be making innocent conversation, you already gave him enough information to narrow down some of your habits e.g. a student at that school, what program you’re in, the fact that you take public transportation at that time, presumably after class. i’m just paranoid but i also work in the criminal justice field. just nta. fuck politeness in these situations.
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nta but it probably feels like an a thing to do. sunglasses and headphones are mandatory public attire for me to try and avoid these situations in the first place.
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nta if you stated in a nice way you were done with the conversation and then put them in, asshole if you just did it in the middle of them talking.
this is why on public transit and the gym my headphones are always on even if they are not playing.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.009798 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: some people are really bad at taking cues. nothing is wrong with trying to make conversation with someone, but if they keep giving you one word answers, they probably aren't in the mood to talk. this guy on the bus yesterday kept trying to make conversation with me. he was a nice guy, but i was really tired and not in the mood to talk. "how's your evening going" "good" "so, are you a student here?" "yeah" "what are you studying?" "bio." "oh wow, my niece studies bio on the east coast." *nod* "what do you want to do with that after you graduate?" "sorry i'm going to listen to a podcast now." i took out my headphones, connected them to my phone, and the conversation was successfully aborted.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
some people are really bad at taking cues. nothing is wrong with trying to make conversation with someone, but if they keep giving you one word answers, they probably aren't in the mood to talk. this guy on the bus yesterday kept trying to make conversation with me. he was a nice guy, but i was really tired and not in the mood to talk. "how's your evening going" "good" "so, are you a student here?" "yeah" "what are you studying?" "bio." "oh wow, my niece studies bio on the east coast." *nod* "what do you want to do with that after you graduate?" "sorry i'm going to listen to a podcast now." i took out my headphones, connected them to my phone, and the conversation was successfully aborted. [/INST] nta - you actually said what you were going to do in a nice way. </s>
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AITA for being rude when people ask when I’m going to have kids?
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obviously it’s a little more complicated than it sounds.
i (31f) looooove children. i’ve always loved children. i’ve always wanted children. i was very vocal about this even as a teenager. i had names picked out for my future children by the time i was 15. if i sound like i was insufferable, i can assure you i was. in my defense, i grew up mormon and that’s just part of the culture. i have since left the church.
i married my high school boyfriend and we are still very happy together. we waited to start trying to have children until we were financially stable, which was about five years ago.
it turns out i am infertile. i’ve had six miscarriages. many tests have been performed and we still don’t know why this is happening. i don’t even want to get into how devastating this has been.
my issue is that people who i haven’t seen recently almost immediately bring up “so where are all those kids you wanted so badly?” or (upon finding out i work with kids) “don’t you still want kids of your own?” variations on this theme, you get the idea.
part of me thinks i made my bed as a teenager and now i’m having to lie in it, but another part of me is like...if someone told me they wanted kids more than anything at one point and now doesn’t have any, i’d assume something went wrong and wouldn’t ask?
normally i try to change the topic because i don’t like confrontation, but if pressed i just straight up go “yeah, i’ve had six miscarriages so...” obviously this makes people really uncomfortable. my answers get progressively more rude and sarcastic if they continue with “what about adoption” and “my friend thought she was infertile until she tried *insert holistic bs* and then blah blah blah” until they get the hint and stop.
what i want to know is if i’m ta for making things awkward.
| 3,950 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eyw7jk/aita_for_being_rude_when_people_ask_when_im_going/
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2020-02-04 20:11:41
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nta - that's such a fucking obnoxious question which should be answered obnoxiously with something like, "dunno, but we're sure practicing a lot and enjoying it too much to worry about it"
your miscarriages are \*exactly\* why this questions (unless between close friends who know the history and have that relationship) should never be asked. there are a millions reasons why couples do or do not expand their families and it's no one's business as to why
don't apologize for making people uncomfortable...they did that to you
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nta. you are not the one making it awkward, particularly when people have the gall to press. that's an intrusive question no matter what, but particularly for someone you haven't seen in a long time. you owe people nothing on this, and if you are gracious enough to respond with something like "it hasn't worked out for us" and they don't leave it alone, you are free to drop the conversation or say anything you like in response.
i am very sorry that you are dealing with all of this. just remember it is no one else's business, and it's okay for you to say whatever you do or don't want to.
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nta.
you try to deflect and diffuse first. when that doesn't work, you try the truth.
people are getting up into your painful business and cannot seem to read the room and back off.
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nta. if they’re going to pry into your sex life and medical profile, give them what they ask for. what, now they’re getting squeamish since you’re giving them answers?
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nta.
such is life for any female who doesn't match the assumed place friends and family have carved for her, especially those without kids. it's none of their business, and they should know that if you'd wanted to make it their business, you would have already brought it up to them.
i'm sorry you've had so many struggles, and that the people who should be supporting you have made it worse.
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nta
people asking once about kids is not an asshole move (although the phrasing you mentioned does sound rude right off the bat, almost like a challenge of some sort). however, if you don't answer the question the first time, that should be an obvious clue to anyone to drop it. kids/fertility is a sensitive subject and tact dictates that you don't force someone to continue talking about it when they're obviously not interested.
continuing to press on after you've brought up multiple miscarriages is just ridiculous. i can't believe people would not be embarrassed to be so rude.
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nta - i honestly don't get how people think this is remotely an ok question to ask anyone, especially someone in your situation. you've been up front about wanting children. you don't have any. it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out something is up and if you want to share that info you will and if you don't you won't. it's not that hard.
these types of things always make me think of a former co-worker of mine "anne" and her response to this asinine question. she didn't have children, never wanted children and had partner of 20+ years who also never wanted children. they had no children and were as happy as could be, but it *never* stopped people from saying "so, anne, when are you going to have kids?''
anne became so tired of it that she decided to go nuclear in her response. when people would ask, she'd cast her eyes down, sniffle a bit and go, "oh, didn't you know? i have no uterus, none at all. there will be no children for me, ever" and would actually start to fake cry. anne was quite the actress. the uterus thing was totally untrue - but it got the max shock value to people who deserved shocking.
people were generally horrified in response. they turned 20 shades of red and usually mumbled something along the lines of "so sorry, i didn't know" and quickly changed the subject, never to bring it up again. she kept in character at the time, but usually laughed about it afterward. she thought she was just doing her part to keep people from asking that horrible question to people it might actually upset...
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it sounds like you live in utah county. lol that is as much of a joke as i will make. but. you are certainly nta.
people generally mean well, but anybody who has known you well enough to press you, should be smart enough not to. especially when you drop clear indicators such as abruptly changing subjects.
they can't understand what it is you are dealing with emotionally, but you shouldn't have to cater to their ignorance.
don't be hard on yourself over getting frustrated at these people, you probably have enough you are trying to process anyways.
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start collecting cats. for some reason people ask this question less when you have feline companions. doesn't work with dogs, goldfish or hamsters, i'm afraid.
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info: how rude are we talking?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: obviously it’s a little more complicated than it sounds. i (31f) looooove children. i’ve always loved children. i’ve always wanted children. i was very vocal about this even as a teenager. i had names picked out for my future children by the time i was 15. if i sound like i was insufferable, i can assure you i was. in my defense, i grew up mormon and that’s just part of the culture. i have since left the church. i married my high school boyfriend and we are still very happy together. we waited to start trying to have children until we were financially stable, which was about five years ago. it turns out i am infertile. i’ve had six miscarriages. many tests have been performed and we still don’t know why this is happening. i don’t even want to get into how devastating this has been. my issue is that people who i haven’t seen recently almost immediately bring up “so where are all those kids you wanted so badly?” or (upon finding out i work with kids) “don’t you still want kids of your own?” variations on this theme, you get the idea. part of me thinks i made my bed as a teenager and now i’m having to lie in it, but another part of me is like...if someone told me they wanted kids more than anything at one point and now doesn’t have any, i’d assume something went wrong and wouldn’t ask? normally i try to change the topic because i don’t like confrontation, but if pressed i just straight up go “yeah, i’ve had six miscarriages so...” obviously this makes people really uncomfortable. my answers get progressively more rude and sarcastic if they continue with “what about adoption” and “my friend thought she was infertile until she tried *insert holistic bs* and then blah blah blah” until they get the hint and stop. what i want to know is if i’m ta for making things awkward.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
obviously it’s a little more complicated than it sounds. i (31f) looooove children. i’ve always loved children. i’ve always wanted children. i was very vocal about this even as a teenager. i had names picked out for my future children by the time i was 15. if i sound like i was insufferable, i can assure you i was. in my defense, i grew up mormon and that’s just part of the culture. i have since left the church. i married my high school boyfriend and we are still very happy together. we waited to start trying to have children until we were financially stable, which was about five years ago. it turns out i am infertile. i’ve had six miscarriages. many tests have been performed and we still don’t know why this is happening. i don’t even want to get into how devastating this has been. my issue is that people who i haven’t seen recently almost immediately bring up “so where are all those kids you wanted so badly?” or (upon finding out i work with kids) “don’t you still want kids of your own?” variations on this theme, you get the idea. part of me thinks i made my bed as a teenager and now i’m having to lie in it, but another part of me is like...if someone told me they wanted kids more than anything at one point and now doesn’t have any, i’d assume something went wrong and wouldn’t ask? normally i try to change the topic because i don’t like confrontation, but if pressed i just straight up go “yeah, i’ve had six miscarriages so...” obviously this makes people really uncomfortable. my answers get progressively more rude and sarcastic if they continue with “what about adoption” and “my friend thought she was infertile until she tried *insert holistic bs* and then blah blah blah” until they get the hint and stop. what i want to know is if i’m ta for making things awkward. [/INST] nta - that's such a fucking obnoxious question which should be answered obnoxiously with something like, "dunno, but we're sure practicing a lot and enjoying it too much to worry about it" your miscarriages are \*exactly\* why this questions (unless between close friends who know the history and have that relationship) should never be asked. there are a millions reasons why couples do or do not expand their families and it's no one's business as to why don't apologize for making people uncomfortable...they did that to you </s>
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AITA To Expect My GF to Cook & Clean at home?
|
i'm m27, she's f24. been together for 2 years and living together for about 3 months now. before we moved in we agreed that she would do all of the cooking/cleaning and taking care of my place since she doesn't work and is trying to get an online business started from home. because she isn't bringing in an income i agreed to pay the entire rent while she gets her business up and running. she thought this was a good idea and agreed to do all the cooking, and cleaning. i don't really eat breakfast, so i usually just get coffee or some fruit but she did pack me a lunch daily and had dinner ready when i got home at around 6ish. we'd usually eat out like once or twice a week so she's not cooking every single day, but most i guess.
about 3 weeks ago she said she didn't want to cook anymore and said i was treating her like a slave making her cook and clean all day. i just said well you live here rent free and you only clean maybe once a week and cooking doesn't take up all of your day and she got super mad and called me an asshole. she asked me to start cooking but i'm so tired/stressed from work i don't want to after and she's at home all day.
aita?
| 454 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/atlhsz/aita_to_expect_my_gf_to_cook_clean_at_home/
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2019-02-22 19:08:57
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nta. nobody likes a leech. it's not like she's taking care of a child or cleaning a big house every day. tell her if she doesn't want to do what she offered to do (cooking & cleaning) then ask her for her half of the rent/bills.
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yta. this is hard to explain but i’m going to try. i was in a similar situation once.
i was happily doing everything for a while. what made me not want to do 100% of everything anymore was his attitude. all i needed was a little help. like, gather up your garbage from all your late night snacks when you get up to go to the bathroom. put away the groceries after she does the shopping. put the dishes in the sink. do enough to make her feel like you’re not treating her like a servant. it’s the little gestures that count. i’m talking one minute gestures that you would probably even do for a hotel maid but i am just picturing you, like my ex, sitting back and expecting to be waited on like you think you’re a sultan or something. do you ask her to get you another drink when she gets up but never ask her if she wants one when you get up? it’s not about balance of work, it’s about balance of courtesy.
my ex couldn’t figure that out despite multiple explanations and guess what, i’m fine without him. his was an indication of a larger problem.
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nta if that is what you agreed to to start with. either she gets a job, starts her business, or is in charge of the house work. you shouldn’t be opposed to helping her out when you are not at work though. don’t just sit there while she does the dishes, for example. before i get flamed, if the situation were reversed and the guy was at home, yes i would say the exact same thing.
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uh if she’s actually trying to start a business at home, yta.
she has two full time jobs that she doesn’t get paid for and apparently doesn’t get any appreciation for either. that’s not how couples support each other, dude.
the “you’re treating me like a slave” comment probably doesn’t have anything to do with the cooking or cleaning, but rather the way you’re speaking to her. even if someone is doing something for you, providing you a service, you should be kind and respectful to them.
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yta. i can’t believe how many people are just ignoring the fact that his girlfriend spends 4-5 hours a day on her business (his words in a comment) she isn’t sah , she is part time. my judgement would have been nah because it’s still reasonable to expect her to do the majority but op has been attacking people for suggesting he help even a litlle and has been saying nasty things about his gf all over the comments. let’s face it, op thinks he’s the only human being who’s ever worked a 60 hour week and obviously thinks that because his gf isn’t financially contributing, she’s basically a servant.
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yta- but it's not totally your fault. yea, you guys had an agreement. but let's take a look at your phrasing: "my place", she lives there "rent free", etc. you really don't consider all of the daily maintenance of a household, as well as making sure you have lunch for work every day and dinner on the table a fair contribution? do you have any idea how lonely it is to be at home all day, every day? to do countless "little" things that consume your time and effort, but are never noticed or acknowledged? to feel like your existence is only for someone else's convenience?
i strongly suggest you surprise her with a weekend away, a romantic date, or even just call in sick and take over her duties for a day- treat her like she's a human. she told you how she feels, and you don't have the right to tell her she's wrong.
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yta— i’ve worked 60+ hours a week, while my partner was unemployed. your relationship goal should be to empower your partner, since that makes your life easier. your comments on this post demonstrate that you are more focused on feeling validated, instead of striving to develop a deeper understanding of your partner’s feelings. it sucks working 60+ hours, while trying to find ways to empower your partner, but the lack of empathy for your partner is only going to make your life harder. your attitude is literally making your life harder— it’s like you’re being an ass to yourself too.
|
esh
it’s pretentious of you to think you’re too tired from work, everyone in the house should always contribute some and it doesn’t sound like you’re to thrilled about that prospect. it’s also incredibly selfish of her to suddenly decide not to clean and cook when she’s out of a job and not supporting the house hold when she said she would during the process of starting up her business.
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yta
i wouldn't have voted that way on your post, but reading your comments sheds some light on your attitude.
you want to improve things? come home and help her make dinner. maybe set the table. start the dishes? you don't get brownie points for letting her live with you.
if she wasn't in the picture, you'd still be paying the same rent, same utilities, and a maid and dining out all the time.
|
info.
> is trying to get an online business started from home.
is she?
if she's treating her online business like a full-time job, then it's a full-time job, and you should split the chores and housework equitably - even if she doesn't have significant income yet.
does she have a business plan and marketing strategy? does she have a dedicated office space in the house and scheduled working hours? does she have a business license (and associated taxes, etc)? does she have any clients and income yet? is she actively growing the business so that it'll be self-sustaining in a reasonable timeframe?
**orrrrrrrrr**, is her "online business from home" some shitty scheme like itworks or lularoe, and she hangs out on the couch screwing around on her phone for 5 hours a day and pretending to be self-employed?
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.238668 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm m27, she's f24. been together for 2 years and living together for about 3 months now. before we moved in we agreed that she would do all of the cooking/cleaning and taking care of my place since she doesn't work and is trying to get an online business started from home. because she isn't bringing in an income i agreed to pay the entire rent while she gets her business up and running. she thought this was a good idea and agreed to do all the cooking, and cleaning. i don't really eat breakfast, so i usually just get coffee or some fruit but she did pack me a lunch daily and had dinner ready when i got home at around 6ish. we'd usually eat out like once or twice a week so she's not cooking every single day, but most i guess. about 3 weeks ago she said she didn't want to cook anymore and said i was treating her like a slave making her cook and clean all day. i just said well you live here rent free and you only clean maybe once a week and cooking doesn't take up all of your day and she got super mad and called me an asshole. she asked me to start cooking but i'm so tired/stressed from work i don't want to after and she's at home all day. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm m27, she's f24. been together for 2 years and living together for about 3 months now. before we moved in we agreed that she would do all of the cooking/cleaning and taking care of my place since she doesn't work and is trying to get an online business started from home. because she isn't bringing in an income i agreed to pay the entire rent while she gets her business up and running. she thought this was a good idea and agreed to do all the cooking, and cleaning. i don't really eat breakfast, so i usually just get coffee or some fruit but she did pack me a lunch daily and had dinner ready when i got home at around 6ish. we'd usually eat out like once or twice a week so she's not cooking every single day, but most i guess. about 3 weeks ago she said she didn't want to cook anymore and said i was treating her like a slave making her cook and clean all day. i just said well you live here rent free and you only clean maybe once a week and cooking doesn't take up all of your day and she got super mad and called me an asshole. she asked me to start cooking but i'm so tired/stressed from work i don't want to after and she's at home all day. aita? [/INST] nta. nobody likes a leech. it's not like she's taking care of a child or cleaning a big house every day. tell her if she doesn't want to do what she offered to do (cooking & cleaning) then ask her for her half of the rent/bills. </s>
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AITA for telling someone that we always stop talking when he walks in because we are afraid that he'll report us.
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i work at a family homeless shelter and get along with the majority of my coworkers. the only one i don't like is alex. one day i was talking to my supervisor (jane), my other coworker (josie), and alex about anti bullying campaigns because we work with the school aged kids. i said something along the lines of, "i am on board with covering bullying but these things never work. the kids will be nice to each other for the day and then go back to being mean if the parents aren't talking to their kids about this at home. i've worked in schools (i taught in a district for one year) and it happens there too." i made it clear that i was still on board with the anti bullying campaign but alex had big hopes that this would stop bullying. he didn't say anything to me but stormed out and wrote and email to my supervisor about how he felt like i was supporting bullying. my supervisor was there and realized it was so far off the mark so she told me about it and told me to be more careful because alex is known for this.
after talking to a few others he has written emails about a few people. one person for accidentally misgendering him (alex is trans) but it was an honest mistake. the person said "goodnight ladies" to me and josie without seeing alex sitting at the computer and alex wrote about how he felt attacked. he also wrote another guy (mike) up because mike is also trans and told alex that he needs to cool it with getting so upset with the kids for asking alex if he's a boy or a girl. they are both in the earlier stages of transitioning and mike was trying to share his experience but alex wrote an email about feeling like his experiences weren't being validated. he also once reported someone on my behalf even though i wasn't offended by what the person said. we also have a running joke where we all (not including alex but including the other guys and girls) ask each other "are you on your period?" whenever someone gets pissy about something small. josie said it to one of the guys (blake) and alex overheard and reported it for being trans phobic.
me, josie, mike and 3 other coworkers all take a big lunch together every friday. we sit apart and everything but we talk about a bunch of shit, some of it being offensive and/or very personal but we are all okay with it. we also all hang out outside of work. we get tested weekly for the job so we kind of made a small bubble together. alex isn't included in the lunches or the outings and asked about it today. i said, "honestly alex, we are just afraid of saying the wrong thing. you are too quick to write an email. you reported someone on my behalf without even talking to me about it. who does that? i don't want to feel like i am always walking on egg shells around you." alex got very upset and went back to his desk and said if we didn't say anything wrong we won't be reported. josie said i shouldn't have said anything because alex will probably write another email and one of the guys said it was kind of a dick move but it needed to be said. aita?
| 2,411 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jxgjoh/aita_for_telling_someone_that_we_always_stop/
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2020-11-20 02:14:23
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nta - he asked you a direct question and you gave him a straight answer. your response isn't mean, it was just honest, which is the right way to be. doesn't really matter if he writes another email, your boss already knows to ignore him. and when someone asks you why they're being excluded, the "dick move" is to lie about it or side step the question. the only way he'll ever have a chance to learn to change his behavior is honest people telling him what he's doing wrong.
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ugh nta he sounds like a little bit of a dick... tbh i am trans (trans male) and if you asked me if i was on my period i would probably say "probably" or laugh. i am always joking how my ovaries are killing me (tbh they kind of are gotta wait for insurance to get them out). maybe theres some language you guys could change but at the same time, it really seems he just wants to find a reason to complain and that isn't okay in any situation.
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nta he seems like hes looking for reasons to be mad.
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nta
alex is being hyper sensitive to things he does not need to be, and is making himself a problem child at work. while people are 100 percent allowed to be offended at jokes we take as just funny, alex is also not just flat out stating that it makes him uncomfortable and is instead actively trying to get people written up for something that likely could be solved by just a simple "please stop doing that". on top of that, he asked a question and you provided an answer. people are allowed to be offended, but you dont get to get mad at being excluded from social activities due to being petty or actively trying to get people in trouble.
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nta. honestly the system of reporting people should be for serious things. alex is abusing this and should be told about it.
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nta. people like alex are exhausting. not everything is a personal attack.
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nta. alex has made it clear that the behaviors you all enjoy are hurtful and offensive to him. so the best thing for everyone is if he is not exposed to it.
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'if you don't say anything wrong, you won't be reported' is a terrible attitude from someone who doesn't even make the effort to ascertain what was actually said.
i feel for people like alex, because he's obviously had a hard time and 'doing the right thing' is clearly part of his identity as a coping mechanism, and so any criticism feels like attack on his whole identity he's trying to build up in a transphobic world. but unfortunately, he doesn't exist in a vacuum. he's even doing this to other trans people. he needs help. he's made clear he won't accept it from you. you are nta, you handled this extremely maturely and you told him the issue to his face. he should learn how to handle things in this way.
i disagree with some commenters that reporting someone on your behalf was necessarily wrong. if someone said something transphobic, he was within his rights to report it no matter who said it and to whom. 'are you on your period' *would* be offensive if said to a trans man. but it wasn't said to a trans man, and alex needs to realise not everything is about him. just because he finds some behaviour distasteful doesn't mean it's grounds for disciplinary action.
to be honest, if not for his behaviour i would feel pretty sorry for alex. it sounds like you all bond over some pretty crass humour and some people don't like that. i don't like it, because i'm autistic, and i don't like 'punching down' humour, but i respect that others do. alex clearly can't relate to it because he's trans and all your topics for jokes are quite personal and upsetting to him. you could show some empathy for that, but he's shut himself off. he's throwing around serious words like 'attacked' like they're going out of style. this is offensive. if it had no consequence, it would be bad enough, and no one would blame you for not wanting to be the bigger people and try to accommodate him. but he's made it clear he's going to try to get you fired if you say something he doesn't like. this is horrible. he doesn't fit in and he hates everyone for it. the trans aspect is just a smokescreen for being insecure, hateful, and trigger-happy.
to be honest, your supervisor is a slight ah for just telling you all that alex is known for this. there needs to be an intervention. your manager should be sitting down with alex and showing empathy for his experience while making clear that he is effectively making colleagues feel threatened and on edge at their jobs and needs to stop this behaviour. he's berating homeless children. he shouldn't be in the job if he can't put his own victim status aside when dealing with people far more vulnerable than he is (which i'm sure he'd take as an insult too; oh you're a minor without a roof over your head? how dare you invalidate my experience and take attention from me). this is not the way to educate people and get them on your side. you are not all props for alex's self-validation and homeless children are certainly not. it must be super painful for him that he doesn't pass, but he can't take that pain out on other people. he needs help and him not receiving any has led to you all, reasonably, distancing yourself from him.
the direct answer he received from you is something he needs to receive from higher up, and if they are afraid to criticise him because he'll cry 'transphobia', that proves both that he's been let down and that you need to stay the hell away from him.
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nta.
alex sounds like the literal definition of a triggered meme.
the reality is that alex probably hasn't had it easy and has been the subject of a lot of abuse and self-confidence issues in his life, that can't be easy.
in the real world though, you are not trying to harm anyone. you can't spend your life on eggshells around people, it drives you crazy.
you were straight up and honest with him, he asked a question and you answered it. what more can you do?
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nta i don't understand why he's surprised that you don't want to hang out with him when he's literally tried to get all of you in trouble at work.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i work at a family homeless shelter and get along with the majority of my coworkers. the only one i don't like is alex. one day i was talking to my supervisor (jane), my other coworker (josie), and alex about anti bullying campaigns because we work with the school aged kids. i said something along the lines of, "i am on board with covering bullying but these things never work. the kids will be nice to each other for the day and then go back to being mean if the parents aren't talking to their kids about this at home. i've worked in schools (i taught in a district for one year) and it happens there too." i made it clear that i was still on board with the anti bullying campaign but alex had big hopes that this would stop bullying. he didn't say anything to me but stormed out and wrote and email to my supervisor about how he felt like i was supporting bullying. my supervisor was there and realized it was so far off the mark so she told me about it and told me to be more careful because alex is known for this. after talking to a few others he has written emails about a few people. one person for accidentally misgendering him (alex is trans) but it was an honest mistake. the person said "goodnight ladies" to me and josie without seeing alex sitting at the computer and alex wrote about how he felt attacked. he also wrote another guy (mike) up because mike is also trans and told alex that he needs to cool it with getting so upset with the kids for asking alex if he's a boy or a girl. they are both in the earlier stages of transitioning and mike was trying to share his experience but alex wrote an email about feeling like his experiences weren't being validated. he also once reported someone on my behalf even though i wasn't offended by what the person said. we also have a running joke where we all (not including alex but including the other guys and girls) ask each other "are you on your period?" whenever someone gets pissy about something small. josie said it to one of the guys (blake) and alex overheard and reported it for being trans phobic. me, josie, mike and 3 other coworkers all take a big lunch together every friday. we sit apart and everything but we talk about a bunch of shit, some of it being offensive and/or very personal but we are all okay with it. we also all hang out outside of work. we get tested weekly for the job so we kind of made a small bubble together. alex isn't included in the lunches or the outings and asked about it today. i said, "honestly alex, we are just afraid of saying the wrong thing. you are too quick to write an email. you reported someone on my behalf without even talking to me about it. who does that? i don't want to feel like i am always walking on egg shells around you." alex got very upset and went back to his desk and said if we didn't say anything wrong we won't be reported. josie said i shouldn't have said anything because alex will probably write another email and one of the guys said it was kind of a dick move but it needed to be said. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i work at a family homeless shelter and get along with the majority of my coworkers. the only one i don't like is alex. one day i was talking to my supervisor (jane), my other coworker (josie), and alex about anti bullying campaigns because we work with the school aged kids. i said something along the lines of, "i am on board with covering bullying but these things never work. the kids will be nice to each other for the day and then go back to being mean if the parents aren't talking to their kids about this at home. i've worked in schools (i taught in a district for one year) and it happens there too." i made it clear that i was still on board with the anti bullying campaign but alex had big hopes that this would stop bullying. he didn't say anything to me but stormed out and wrote and email to my supervisor about how he felt like i was supporting bullying. my supervisor was there and realized it was so far off the mark so she told me about it and told me to be more careful because alex is known for this. after talking to a few others he has written emails about a few people. one person for accidentally misgendering him (alex is trans) but it was an honest mistake. the person said "goodnight ladies" to me and josie without seeing alex sitting at the computer and alex wrote about how he felt attacked. he also wrote another guy (mike) up because mike is also trans and told alex that he needs to cool it with getting so upset with the kids for asking alex if he's a boy or a girl. they are both in the earlier stages of transitioning and mike was trying to share his experience but alex wrote an email about feeling like his experiences weren't being validated. he also once reported someone on my behalf even though i wasn't offended by what the person said. we also have a running joke where we all (not including alex but including the other guys and girls) ask each other "are you on your period?" whenever someone gets pissy about something small. josie said it to one of the guys (blake) and alex overheard and reported it for being trans phobic. me, josie, mike and 3 other coworkers all take a big lunch together every friday. we sit apart and everything but we talk about a bunch of shit, some of it being offensive and/or very personal but we are all okay with it. we also all hang out outside of work. we get tested weekly for the job so we kind of made a small bubble together. alex isn't included in the lunches or the outings and asked about it today. i said, "honestly alex, we are just afraid of saying the wrong thing. you are too quick to write an email. you reported someone on my behalf without even talking to me about it. who does that? i don't want to feel like i am always walking on egg shells around you." alex got very upset and went back to his desk and said if we didn't say anything wrong we won't be reported. josie said i shouldn't have said anything because alex will probably write another email and one of the guys said it was kind of a dick move but it needed to be said. aita? [/INST] nta - he asked you a direct question and you gave him a straight answer. your response isn't mean, it was just honest, which is the right way to be. doesn't really matter if he writes another email, your boss already knows to ignore him. and when someone asks you why they're being excluded, the "dick move" is to lie about it or side step the question. the only way he'll ever have a chance to learn to change his behavior is honest people telling him what he's doing wrong. </s>
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AITA for telling a friend that her tattoo is a shit idea. also having some friends involved.
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throwaway as this could turn bad.
i'm 20f friend is 21f
there are 2 other people who could also be assholes.
around 4 years ago i lost my mum in a car crash and was devastated, before mum passed she had this tattoo idea, it was a humming bird on a fig tree in certain colors.
i decided that on my 19th birthday i would get it, i even got it on the spot mum wanted it's my most prized tattoo and i love it.
everyone knows what the tattoo means and how much i love it.
my friend decided that she finally was ready to get a tattoo so i asked her to send me a photo of it. it is the exact tattoo, the only difference is the placement and some colors got changed around, but overall an exact copy of my memorial tattoo for my mum.
i was annoyed and so asked her where she got her inspiration for the tattoo and she refused to tell me, i asked her why she would take a memorial tattoo i got for my mum and butcher it, she told me i can't have dibs on the tattoo, i then told her that her tattoo idea is shit. she then went to some of our friends to get them on her side and they agreed with me, telling her that her idea is shit and she is stupid for wanting to ruin someone's memorial tattoo.
she has now blocked all of us on facebook and is refusing to talk to us.
| 502 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c201yw/aita_for_telling_a_friend_that_her_tattoo_is_a/
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2019-06-18 09:22:02
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nta
that’s pretty trashy of her to copy your memorial tattoo. those are incredibly personal and meaningful. not just some ‘oh it looks cute’ sort of thing.
if you wanted to be ‘petty’ for lack of a better phrase, you could call up the tattoo shops in your area and explain the situation. i’m sure many of them would be sympathetic to you and turn her away. (i don’t necessarily recommend this. it’s just a thought.)
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nta.. i don't even know why you needed clarification for this. shes wrong and it actually pissed me off that there's people who would do something like that. dont continue socializing with someone who would, not only steal a tattoo idea that has serious significance, she then went to try to turn your friends against you... that isnt a friend like at all. all of you ignore her... she'll realize how dumb she really is.
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nta
you lost your mom at 16yo and got the tattoo as a sign of your strong emotional bond, it's more then just a "cool design". your friend was dishonest with you and tried to turn your friends against you.
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nta some tattoos are timeless, and meant to be copied, i have one of norman collins' tattoos on my leg and these are copied all the time.
but yours is different, part of the point of it is its uniqueness, cause it's a memorial to somebody who you had a unique relationship with, which makes your friend really unfeeling here, to get a replica would be an arsehole move.
if she does get it, however, just remember that your tattoo is still unique and it's still special. and sounds really cool too tbh
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nta i think she’d come to regret getting a straight copy of someone else’s memorial tattoo, so you probably did her a favour in the long run.
if a memorial tattoo of mine was being copied by a friend, i’d feel that it was being trivialised so i totally understand your anger.
you can’t control what she does but you can certainly give your opinion when it so directly and obviously involves you.
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nta - even if it was something as generic as a jumping dolphin, copying your friend’s tattoo is kinda shitty. doubly so since she knows the meaning behind yours. the only time friends should have matching tattoos is when the design means something to their friendship.
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nta
stealing someone's tattoo is such a dick move, especially one that has emotional and sentimental value.
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nta, apologize to her, tell her you want to be there for her when she gets it, find out where she is getting it and then go show the artist your tattoo and let them know she is copying. tattoo copying is a huge thing and a big no-no in that community, if they have any integrity they will not do it
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nta
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway as this could turn bad. i'm 20f friend is 21f there are 2 other people who could also be assholes. around 4 years ago i lost my mum in a car crash and was devastated, before mum passed she had this tattoo idea, it was a humming bird on a fig tree in certain colors. i decided that on my 19th birthday i would get it, i even got it on the spot mum wanted it's my most prized tattoo and i love it. everyone knows what the tattoo means and how much i love it. my friend decided that she finally was ready to get a tattoo so i asked her to send me a photo of it. it is the exact tattoo, the only difference is the placement and some colors got changed around, but overall an exact copy of my memorial tattoo for my mum. i was annoyed and so asked her where she got her inspiration for the tattoo and she refused to tell me, i asked her why she would take a memorial tattoo i got for my mum and butcher it, she told me i can't have dibs on the tattoo, i then told her that her tattoo idea is shit. she then went to some of our friends to get them on her side and they agreed with me, telling her that her idea is shit and she is stupid for wanting to ruin someone's memorial tattoo. she has now blocked all of us on facebook and is refusing to talk to us.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway as this could turn bad. i'm 20f friend is 21f there are 2 other people who could also be assholes. around 4 years ago i lost my mum in a car crash and was devastated, before mum passed she had this tattoo idea, it was a humming bird on a fig tree in certain colors. i decided that on my 19th birthday i would get it, i even got it on the spot mum wanted it's my most prized tattoo and i love it. everyone knows what the tattoo means and how much i love it. my friend decided that she finally was ready to get a tattoo so i asked her to send me a photo of it. it is the exact tattoo, the only difference is the placement and some colors got changed around, but overall an exact copy of my memorial tattoo for my mum. i was annoyed and so asked her where she got her inspiration for the tattoo and she refused to tell me, i asked her why she would take a memorial tattoo i got for my mum and butcher it, she told me i can't have dibs on the tattoo, i then told her that her tattoo idea is shit. she then went to some of our friends to get them on her side and they agreed with me, telling her that her idea is shit and she is stupid for wanting to ruin someone's memorial tattoo. she has now blocked all of us on facebook and is refusing to talk to us. [/INST] nta that’s pretty trashy of her to copy your memorial tattoo. those are incredibly personal and meaningful. not just some ‘oh it looks cute’ sort of thing. if you wanted to be ‘petty’ for lack of a better phrase, you could call up the tattoo shops in your area and explain the situation. i’m sure many of them would be sympathetic to you and turn her away. (i don’t necessarily recommend this. it’s just a thought.) </s>
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AITA For asking to be re-seated in a restaraunt after the kid next to me kept screaming?
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so, today was my sister's birthday, and i took her out to eat at her favourite mexican place (honestly, kinda expensive but anything for her). when we were seated, we noticed a family of 5 right behind us, and a 7-ish year old child seated in a high-chair. i didnt think much of it, u til 5 minutes after we sat down, she began screaming. and i mean screaming. she's have these fits that would last for minutes on end and eventually she's just, like, shut down, until 10 minutes later when she began to scream again. after 2 or 3 times of this, i began to get kinda ticked off, as she was just yelling while her parents weren't doing anything to stop it. i asked them to quiet her down, but they just shrugged me off, so i asked a server to re-seat us (the restaurant was like really empty, and i tipped 25% to make up for the slight mess/inconvenience). as my sister and i stood up, the mom just looked at me and called me an "asshole for wanting to get away from a disabled kid so badly." (her words) now, honestly, even if i knew she was mentally ill, i still woulda asked to been moved, because i cant stand a dinner where the person behind me is screaming like a banshee. so, reddit, aita?
| 3,500 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f819gn/aita_for_asking_to_be_reseated_in_a_restaraunt/
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2020-02-22 23:59:39
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nta. you didn't move _because_ the kid was disabled. you moved (to another seat in an empty restaurant) so that both that family and yours could enjoy your meals in peace. you're a paying customer trying to treat your sister to something special. no one wants to eat near an incessant loud noise, whatever it is.
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nta. i get that disabled kids can't really help it, but for fucks sake, either don't bring them in public or get fucking used to your screaming child pissing people off
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nta. everyone deserves the right to enjoy a meal at a restaurant in relative peace and quiet. the audacity of that parent screams entitlement. the mother should have been a parent and tried to quiet her down or take her out of the restaurant
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nta. i have a child with complex needs and i rarely take him out in case he’s feeling stressed out and noisy which will disturb other people and when i do take him out and he’s upset or bored, i excuse us and take him for a walk so he’s not upset either. the kid’s parents should have been exercising a lot more consideration for other diners and care for their child.
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nta. those parents most likely deal with difficulties on a regular basis and have a hairline trigger, i feel like that’s probably where their comment was coming from. i feel for parents who struggle with disabled children, but you’re perfectly entitled to enjoy a meal in peace.
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definitely nta
i would have said "disability has nothing to do with it, i just don't want a noise related headache for the rest of the day."
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parent of special needs kid here. nta. i only take my kids to places that hey can handle with the minimum of fuss. if they start causing a disturbance, we take a walk to calm down or we leave. period. heck, i'd move if there was a screaming kid and i was out with my hubby. same if there was someone really loud and drunk at the next table!
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nta fwiw, i always ask host/esses for a "quiet table" and if they even try to put us near large groups or small kids, i turn back and re-iterate "a quiet table".
back in the day, when i worked as a hostess we were trained to seat families with kids in one room/same area so we could seat quieter tables (usually dates, two people, etc) in another room/area. nowadays, ugh - there just doesn't seem to be that sort of training anymore.
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nta. just because she’s learned to tune out her child’s screaming doesn’t mean everyone else has to be ok with having her scream next to them.
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nta. you're entitled to sit in a peaceful place when you are eating, especially when you are paying to do so. i love kids, i have a special place in my heart for disable kids, and i like to eat in peace. no one should judge you!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, today was my sister's birthday, and i took her out to eat at her favourite mexican place (honestly, kinda expensive but anything for her). when we were seated, we noticed a family of 5 right behind us, and a 7-ish year old child seated in a high-chair. i didnt think much of it, u til 5 minutes after we sat down, she began screaming. and i mean screaming. she's have these fits that would last for minutes on end and eventually she's just, like, shut down, until 10 minutes later when she began to scream again. after 2 or 3 times of this, i began to get kinda ticked off, as she was just yelling while her parents weren't doing anything to stop it. i asked them to quiet her down, but they just shrugged me off, so i asked a server to re-seat us (the restaurant was like really empty, and i tipped 25% to make up for the slight mess/inconvenience). as my sister and i stood up, the mom just looked at me and called me an "asshole for wanting to get away from a disabled kid so badly." (her words) now, honestly, even if i knew she was mentally ill, i still woulda asked to been moved, because i cant stand a dinner where the person behind me is screaming like a banshee. so, reddit, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so, today was my sister's birthday, and i took her out to eat at her favourite mexican place (honestly, kinda expensive but anything for her). when we were seated, we noticed a family of 5 right behind us, and a 7-ish year old child seated in a high-chair. i didnt think much of it, u til 5 minutes after we sat down, she began screaming. and i mean screaming. she's have these fits that would last for minutes on end and eventually she's just, like, shut down, until 10 minutes later when she began to scream again. after 2 or 3 times of this, i began to get kinda ticked off, as she was just yelling while her parents weren't doing anything to stop it. i asked them to quiet her down, but they just shrugged me off, so i asked a server to re-seat us (the restaurant was like really empty, and i tipped 25% to make up for the slight mess/inconvenience). as my sister and i stood up, the mom just looked at me and called me an "asshole for wanting to get away from a disabled kid so badly." (her words) now, honestly, even if i knew she was mentally ill, i still woulda asked to been moved, because i cant stand a dinner where the person behind me is screaming like a banshee. so, reddit, aita? [/INST] nta. you didn't move _because_ the kid was disabled. you moved (to another seat in an empty restaurant) so that both that family and yours could enjoy your meals in peace. you're a paying customer trying to treat your sister to something special. no one wants to eat near an incessant loud noise, whatever it is. </s>
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AITA Not Wanting To Babysit My Sister's Kids For Free?
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recently, my sister had a second baby. she also has a five year old daughter. she is in a relationship with the father. they live together, share finances, and decided together to have another baby.
i recently lost my job so i am home most of the time. i am viewing being home as much earned free time after working an impossible and exhausting job. while she was pregnant, i did tell my sister i would help with babysitting her children when she had work. she is a stylist. my mother lives with me and also agreed to help with babysitting.
the question of, am i the asshole, forms when this happens...
when i babysit her children, she spends 9 hours of the day at my house. i know if it is a day i'm babysitting, they'll be here.... all day. on saturdays, the father of her children is home from work. instead of him caring for his own children on this day, she prefers to bring them to my house. why you ask? because the father is not comfortable being alone with the baby.
i think this is ridiculous and the kids should be with their father on his day off. i have said this to my sister, but she insists he isn't comfortable, which in turn, makes her uncomfortable. and instead of thinking this is unreasonable, she tells me, she's glad he's honest with her. from my perspective, it's a father, who agreed to these kids, getting a free day without them.
am i the asshole because i don't want to watch them?
| 393 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tci4rw/aita_not_wanting_to_babysit_my_sisters_kids_for/
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2022-03-12 15:00:17
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nta. you offered to watch them while she's at work (which is very generous of you), and she's taking advantage to facilitate her husband's ridiculousness.
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nta - he will never get comfortable if he has a free out.you offered to help under the premise that she had no one else to watch them, dad is not a babysitter - he’s a parent.
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it’s ridiculous nta - to transition you could tell your sister that you will not watch them at your house. you are willing to go to hers and observe/help the father for a couple weeks. get him comfortable. i suspect he will complain about that. if that’s the case it’s a lost cause and you should simply refuse to help at all. that should motivate dad to step up. or if not, you’ll still be better off.
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nta you offered to watch them when both were working to help your sister out. if someone is able to be at home with the kids then the parent should. also imo if you're not comfortable taking care of your own children alone then you shouldn't have had them sooo
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nta. if the father feels uncomfortable about being with his child, he shouldn't have had a child.
tell your sister the terms you initially agreed to and that if she wants you to watch the kids beyond that you will require payment.
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nta
your sister is being ridiculous allowing her partner to avoid his job as a parent just because he feels ‘uncomfortable’.
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nta. also not your job. just tell her you need that day off and she needs to arrange something else or maybe pay someone. it sounds like you're getting taken advantage of.
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nta. the father needs to learn how to change a diaper and care for his children like fathers are supposed to do.
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nta. flat out refuse to babysit if he is home. he needs to step up his game. parents of newborns don't get to take a day off per week because they happen to have someone else to watch the kids. your sister is enabling him using you as the scapegoat.
he's on baby 2. the time to be uncomfortable was baby 1. if he hasn't figured it out yet, he's choosing not to figure it out.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: recently, my sister had a second baby. she also has a five year old daughter. she is in a relationship with the father. they live together, share finances, and decided together to have another baby. i recently lost my job so i am home most of the time. i am viewing being home as much earned free time after working an impossible and exhausting job. while she was pregnant, i did tell my sister i would help with babysitting her children when she had work. she is a stylist. my mother lives with me and also agreed to help with babysitting. the question of, am i the asshole, forms when this happens... when i babysit her children, she spends 9 hours of the day at my house. i know if it is a day i'm babysitting, they'll be here.... all day. on saturdays, the father of her children is home from work. instead of him caring for his own children on this day, she prefers to bring them to my house. why you ask? because the father is not comfortable being alone with the baby. i think this is ridiculous and the kids should be with their father on his day off. i have said this to my sister, but she insists he isn't comfortable, which in turn, makes her uncomfortable. and instead of thinking this is unreasonable, she tells me, she's glad he's honest with her. from my perspective, it's a father, who agreed to these kids, getting a free day without them. am i the asshole because i don't want to watch them?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
recently, my sister had a second baby. she also has a five year old daughter. she is in a relationship with the father. they live together, share finances, and decided together to have another baby. i recently lost my job so i am home most of the time. i am viewing being home as much earned free time after working an impossible and exhausting job. while she was pregnant, i did tell my sister i would help with babysitting her children when she had work. she is a stylist. my mother lives with me and also agreed to help with babysitting. the question of, am i the asshole, forms when this happens... when i babysit her children, she spends 9 hours of the day at my house. i know if it is a day i'm babysitting, they'll be here.... all day. on saturdays, the father of her children is home from work. instead of him caring for his own children on this day, she prefers to bring them to my house. why you ask? because the father is not comfortable being alone with the baby. i think this is ridiculous and the kids should be with their father on his day off. i have said this to my sister, but she insists he isn't comfortable, which in turn, makes her uncomfortable. and instead of thinking this is unreasonable, she tells me, she's glad he's honest with her. from my perspective, it's a father, who agreed to these kids, getting a free day without them. am i the asshole because i don't want to watch them? [/INST] nta. you offered to watch them while she's at work (which is very generous of you), and she's taking advantage to facilitate her husband's ridiculousness. </s>
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AITA for not telling my husband where his son was?
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i (27f) married my husband (37m) 4 years ago. he has three children from his previous marriage (16m twins, 13f). from the very beginning, i was super clear with them that while i’d love a relationship, i’d never try to force them into anything- especially not a parental one. and, for the most part, that’s been going about as well as you’d expect. i’m dad’s wife; nothing more. however, when the twins first started learning to drive last summer, i told them both that driving would give them new freedom and i knew the stuff teenagers got up to. i then said that while i get that’s part of growing up, their safety is the most important thing, so if they ever felt like they were in an unsafe situation and needed an out, don’t hesitate to call me. i would come get them no matter what- no questions asked and dad didn’t have to know (husband and his ex tend to be very liberal with punishments). they brushed me off at the time, and i thought very little of it. fast forward, last friday one of the boys (b from now on) was supposed to be staying at a friend’s house after prom. at 2:30am i’m up finishing a bit of grinding in my game when i get a call from him. b explains in a shaky and slurred voice that he was at a senior girl’s house party and the friend who drove had ditched him. and he had been drinking. a lot. and please don’t tell dad. i’ve already snuck out of the house and i just say “don’t worry, your father’s asleep and i’m on my way.” he texts me the address after some coaxing and within 30 minutes i’m discreetly shuffling a drunken, shaking boy into my passenger seat. he’s crying within 5 minutes of leaving. i did my best to comfort him. i drove through mcdonalds and got him a burger and ice cream. i get him home, sneak him back into his room and get him safe in bed. i don’t sleep from constantly checking on him to be sure he doesn’t show signs of alcohol poisoning. husband leaves for work early saturday morning so he doesn’t notice b is home. b is nursing a bit of a hangover but is fine. ever since, both the twins have warmed to me exponentially. i even heard b say “my dad and stepmom’s house” instead of “my dad’s house”. stepmom! but, yesterday, my husband put 2+2 together after some combination of local gossip and testimony from his daughter, what actually happened and it came out what i did. obviously he was mad that i knew and didn’t tell him. i told him i wouldn’t apologize for showing his son to ask for help in bad situations nor would i condone punishing him for doing exactly what he should have done to fix a mistake he clearly already learned from. husband says i undercut him in the role of his child’s father by going behind his back. the ex says i overstepped entirely. but i still think i did the right thing. aita?
| 8,395 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v1vvkq/aita_for_not_telling_my_husband_where_his_son_was/
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2022-05-31 17:46:23
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nta. it is so incredibly rare for a teenager to feel a strong enough connection with an adult that they would actually reach out when they don’t feel safe somewhere, you could have easily saved him a hospital visit or a slow death on a high school girl’s floor. you absolutely did the right thing, and you’re an amazing step mother.
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nta
teenagers need more people in their lives that are willing to say “let’s get you cleaned up” and not “you’re grounded forever.” the boy probably learned a lot more from that evening than he would have if dad had showed up yelling. he’s safe. that’s what matters.
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nta you did the right thing.
that’s what my mother teached me. and i did call her at 1h30 in the morning at 15 because i was in a similar situation. i never got scolded, because the fright itself was enough, and because i did the right thing.
trust is important.
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nta - authoritarian parents produce sneaky children, not obedient children. this kid could have easily gotten into a lot of trouble or foolishness because he thought he could not ask for help when he was in danger. 10/10 good step parenting. good parenting centers the needs of the child, not the needs of the parent. your husband has an emotional need to be obeyed, and that has been thwarted. that need is far less important than your step child’s need to go to people who are trustworthy for help.
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honestly... nta kids safe and knows he's got someone he can ask for help. i'd tell hubby exactly what happened. "he called me cuz he was stuck at a party, he knows he messed up and was being responsible, because i went and got him he's home safe with a hangover rather than ending up with a dui or mip/mic and i doubt he'll make this mistake again. also, he now trusts me. would you rather he not have had a safe option to get home and have ended up in jail, or the hospital?"
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nah because there are a lot of perspectives. you did the right thing for b. completely understandable that dad would be upset that he wasn't the one who was called, and he probably feels like you are against him in his own family. also understandable that b's mother isn't pleased. however, children need safe adults, and you played that role when it was needed. b might have made a bad decision without a safe adult to call. there's a reason he didn't call his father or his mother. they should reflect on that and be glad there was an adult their son trusted enough to call in a difficult situation.
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nah, while your husband and their mom are certainly entitled to feel undercut and angry, you did what you did with great intentions and execution. had you not made that deal, b wouldn’t have called you. who knows what would’ve happened to him.
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nta you we’re there for him when he could have gone with an teenager who might have been drinking too. better an angry spouse then a dead child.
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nta every teenager should have someone, other than their parent, to go to in these cases. most teens won’t contact their parents over fear of the consequences, therefore putting them into further danger.
your husband and his ex should be appreciative that you were there for their son period. what’s gonna happen the next time he finds himself in a troubling situation? get in a car with a drunk teen? drive drunk himself? there are numerous scenarios that he can find himself in.
you did the right thing op! hopefully they’ll see that once their anger subside.
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nta
the thought of being punished was worse than the risk of his natural consequences his behavior.
your husband and his wife don't want trust, they want obedience. so it's good that you do.
you aren't just given a job then told to get to it. you train and learn. life is the same way. they have to make mistakes firsthand. and they should understand that the thing to fear is actually *making* the mistake, not being punished for it.
if they grow up only fearing their parent's wrath, they won't grow into their own. they'll live either more deceptively or disproportionately conservative. do it despite the risk or do nothing at all.
a parent should want what you have. their child's trust. and your husband clearly doesn't. you are trying to help raise children to become adult, not obedience training pets.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.002 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (27f) married my husband (37m) 4 years ago. he has three children from his previous marriage (16m twins, 13f). from the very beginning, i was super clear with them that while i’d love a relationship, i’d never try to force them into anything- especially not a parental one. and, for the most part, that’s been going about as well as you’d expect. i’m dad’s wife; nothing more. however, when the twins first started learning to drive last summer, i told them both that driving would give them new freedom and i knew the stuff teenagers got up to. i then said that while i get that’s part of growing up, their safety is the most important thing, so if they ever felt like they were in an unsafe situation and needed an out, don’t hesitate to call me. i would come get them no matter what- no questions asked and dad didn’t have to know (husband and his ex tend to be very liberal with punishments). they brushed me off at the time, and i thought very little of it. fast forward, last friday one of the boys (b from now on) was supposed to be staying at a friend’s house after prom. at 2:30am i’m up finishing a bit of grinding in my game when i get a call from him. b explains in a shaky and slurred voice that he was at a senior girl’s house party and the friend who drove had ditched him. and he had been drinking. a lot. and please don’t tell dad. i’ve already snuck out of the house and i just say “don’t worry, your father’s asleep and i’m on my way.” he texts me the address after some coaxing and within 30 minutes i’m discreetly shuffling a drunken, shaking boy into my passenger seat. he’s crying within 5 minutes of leaving. i did my best to comfort him. i drove through mcdonalds and got him a burger and ice cream. i get him home, sneak him back into his room and get him safe in bed. i don’t sleep from constantly checking on him to be sure he doesn’t show signs of alcohol poisoning. husband leaves for work early saturday morning so he doesn’t notice b is home. b is nursing a bit of a hangover but is fine. ever since, both the twins have warmed to me exponentially. i even heard b say “my dad and stepmom’s house” instead of “my dad’s house”. stepmom! but, yesterday, my husband put 2+2 together after some combination of local gossip and testimony from his daughter, what actually happened and it came out what i did. obviously he was mad that i knew and didn’t tell him. i told him i wouldn’t apologize for showing his son to ask for help in bad situations nor would i condone punishing him for doing exactly what he should have done to fix a mistake he clearly already learned from. husband says i undercut him in the role of his child’s father by going behind his back. the ex says i overstepped entirely. but i still think i did the right thing. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (27f) married my husband (37m) 4 years ago. he has three children from his previous marriage (16m twins, 13f). from the very beginning, i was super clear with them that while i’d love a relationship, i’d never try to force them into anything- especially not a parental one. and, for the most part, that’s been going about as well as you’d expect. i’m dad’s wife; nothing more. however, when the twins first started learning to drive last summer, i told them both that driving would give them new freedom and i knew the stuff teenagers got up to. i then said that while i get that’s part of growing up, their safety is the most important thing, so if they ever felt like they were in an unsafe situation and needed an out, don’t hesitate to call me. i would come get them no matter what- no questions asked and dad didn’t have to know (husband and his ex tend to be very liberal with punishments). they brushed me off at the time, and i thought very little of it. fast forward, last friday one of the boys (b from now on) was supposed to be staying at a friend’s house after prom. at 2:30am i’m up finishing a bit of grinding in my game when i get a call from him. b explains in a shaky and slurred voice that he was at a senior girl’s house party and the friend who drove had ditched him. and he had been drinking. a lot. and please don’t tell dad. i’ve already snuck out of the house and i just say “don’t worry, your father’s asleep and i’m on my way.” he texts me the address after some coaxing and within 30 minutes i’m discreetly shuffling a drunken, shaking boy into my passenger seat. he’s crying within 5 minutes of leaving. i did my best to comfort him. i drove through mcdonalds and got him a burger and ice cream. i get him home, sneak him back into his room and get him safe in bed. i don’t sleep from constantly checking on him to be sure he doesn’t show signs of alcohol poisoning. husband leaves for work early saturday morning so he doesn’t notice b is home. b is nursing a bit of a hangover but is fine. ever since, both the twins have warmed to me exponentially. i even heard b say “my dad and stepmom’s house” instead of “my dad’s house”. stepmom! but, yesterday, my husband put 2+2 together after some combination of local gossip and testimony from his daughter, what actually happened and it came out what i did. obviously he was mad that i knew and didn’t tell him. i told him i wouldn’t apologize for showing his son to ask for help in bad situations nor would i condone punishing him for doing exactly what he should have done to fix a mistake he clearly already learned from. husband says i undercut him in the role of his child’s father by going behind his back. the ex says i overstepped entirely. but i still think i did the right thing. aita? [/INST] nta. it is so incredibly rare for a teenager to feel a strong enough connection with an adult that they would actually reach out when they don’t feel safe somewhere, you could have easily saved him a hospital visit or a slow death on a high school girl’s floor. you absolutely did the right thing, and you’re an amazing step mother. </s>
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AITA for helping my financially struggling friend and offering her to sign up with my company?
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my husband [m25], 3 kids [m4, f3, m2] and i [f24] live on base in a small but lovely house. i was meant to be sahm but times are difficult and to supplement our income, i started my own business and i am now a proud ceo of a small company based in my living room. dream come true.
one of my neighbors, kelly [f28], complained how difficult it is to budget with current prices and kids and at first i didn’t say anything but after hearing this a few time, i suggested that she signs up with my company. she can spend a few hundred bucks as an investment and multiply it in no time.
she said that she didn’t have the money and i said that she really should think about this as it’s great opportunity and she should just put it on her credit card. she said that her husband wouldn’t approve of that.
i was shocked, i said that’s financial abuse and she really shouldn’t have to ask her husband what she spends money on.
she said that she’d think about this and went home with her kids.
i messaged her a few days later and a couple more days later but she never replied which was incredibly rude. after my fourth message, she blocked me, which was incredibly childish, she could’ve just said that she wasn’t interested and i would’ve let it go. blocking me was hurtful but i moved on. you can’t force someone to accept your help.
i thought it was all done but the next day, my husband came back home from his shift and he was furious. kelly did speak with her husband and they decided not to sign up (which is fair) but she also complained to her husband that i was bothering her with messages despite blocking me (i did send one message from a new facebook account asking her why she blocked me and to tell me that in my face). she’s a grown woman, why is she going to her husband to tattle tell is beyond me. anyway, her husband told my husband and my husband is furious. he said it makes him look like an idiot and told me that i have to stop with my business because he’s not going to listen to complains from other husbands.
i told him that he can’t tell me what to do and he told me that he very much can and my business has to go. i met kelly outside the next day and told her i only tried to help her and she didn’t have to be a bitch about this and she said that her husband and her did some research and it was really low of me to try use her misery to get a bonus. she called me an asshole and worse.
i am currently sitting alone crying, devastated. everyone seems so against me but and i really the asshole here? i was only trying to help.
| 308 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yg0ag6/aita_for_helping_my_financially_struggling_friend/
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2022-10-28 20:54:20
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yta stop flogging your mlm scheme and trying to get people to buy into your pyramid scheme. i bet you get blocked on social media, a lot.
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yta- honestly, kinda sounds like you're trying to sign her up for a pyramid scheme and your persistence in bugging her is extremely sketchy.
i wouldn't have given you a penny either, especially when you're unsolicited telling your friend to spend money on a **credit card**, which makes it sound like you were asking for enough money that it should be a discussion between her and her husband.
100% yta.
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you harassed this woman into joining your mlm scheme? for just a few hundred dollars she too could make thousands of dollars as her own independent ceo.
no wonder you sent her several messages.
no means no. you were stalking this woman. what on earth gave you the idea it was okay to contact her repeatedly? if she was interested she would absolutely have let you know.
take the lesson here and try to grow from it before recruiting anyone else.
yta.
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(1) that’s not financial abuse
(2) it sounds like you’re trying to put your “friend” into interest accruing debt to be part of an mlm scheme.
yta.
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yta
mlms aren't your own business hun.
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god you have gone miles past yta into predatory stalker territory when you set up a fake facebook to harass the poor woman so you could make a few bucks off her. thanks for perfectly outlining how mlm’s prey on vulnerable stay at home moms though, accusing her husband of being an abuser is a disturbing new low of a sales pitch
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info:
> i started my own business and i am now a proud ceo of a small company based in my living room
which mlm did you sign up with?
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yta it's not financial abuse to discuss spending with your spouse..you are however the ah for trying to convince her to join mlm scheme
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and i get the husband forcing her to stop. if they live on base and she is peddling her mlm scheme to other wives and is this pushy (4 messages from one account?) then this is going to get back to him and reflect badly on his reputation. so he has every right to tell her either to stop the company or stop talking to the other wives.
of course she can’t do that since the only way to make money off of mlm schemes is to recruit since the products are either crap or over priced. so she needs to make back her investment by being a pest.
she is definitely yta. husband and neighbor are not.
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so was this some pyramid scheme you tried to hook her into? if so, yta.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband [m25], 3 kids [m4, f3, m2] and i [f24] live on base in a small but lovely house. i was meant to be sahm but times are difficult and to supplement our income, i started my own business and i am now a proud ceo of a small company based in my living room. dream come true. one of my neighbors, kelly [f28], complained how difficult it is to budget with current prices and kids and at first i didn’t say anything but after hearing this a few time, i suggested that she signs up with my company. she can spend a few hundred bucks as an investment and multiply it in no time. she said that she didn’t have the money and i said that she really should think about this as it’s great opportunity and she should just put it on her credit card. she said that her husband wouldn’t approve of that. i was shocked, i said that’s financial abuse and she really shouldn’t have to ask her husband what she spends money on. she said that she’d think about this and went home with her kids. i messaged her a few days later and a couple more days later but she never replied which was incredibly rude. after my fourth message, she blocked me, which was incredibly childish, she could’ve just said that she wasn’t interested and i would’ve let it go. blocking me was hurtful but i moved on. you can’t force someone to accept your help. i thought it was all done but the next day, my husband came back home from his shift and he was furious. kelly did speak with her husband and they decided not to sign up (which is fair) but she also complained to her husband that i was bothering her with messages despite blocking me (i did send one message from a new facebook account asking her why she blocked me and to tell me that in my face). she’s a grown woman, why is she going to her husband to tattle tell is beyond me. anyway, her husband told my husband and my husband is furious. he said it makes him look like an idiot and told me that i have to stop with my business because he’s not going to listen to complains from other husbands. i told him that he can’t tell me what to do and he told me that he very much can and my business has to go. i met kelly outside the next day and told her i only tried to help her and she didn’t have to be a bitch about this and she said that her husband and her did some research and it was really low of me to try use her misery to get a bonus. she called me an asshole and worse. i am currently sitting alone crying, devastated. everyone seems so against me but and i really the asshole here? i was only trying to help.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband [m25], 3 kids [m4, f3, m2] and i [f24] live on base in a small but lovely house. i was meant to be sahm but times are difficult and to supplement our income, i started my own business and i am now a proud ceo of a small company based in my living room. dream come true. one of my neighbors, kelly [f28], complained how difficult it is to budget with current prices and kids and at first i didn’t say anything but after hearing this a few time, i suggested that she signs up with my company. she can spend a few hundred bucks as an investment and multiply it in no time. she said that she didn’t have the money and i said that she really should think about this as it’s great opportunity and she should just put it on her credit card. she said that her husband wouldn’t approve of that. i was shocked, i said that’s financial abuse and she really shouldn’t have to ask her husband what she spends money on. she said that she’d think about this and went home with her kids. i messaged her a few days later and a couple more days later but she never replied which was incredibly rude. after my fourth message, she blocked me, which was incredibly childish, she could’ve just said that she wasn’t interested and i would’ve let it go. blocking me was hurtful but i moved on. you can’t force someone to accept your help. i thought it was all done but the next day, my husband came back home from his shift and he was furious. kelly did speak with her husband and they decided not to sign up (which is fair) but she also complained to her husband that i was bothering her with messages despite blocking me (i did send one message from a new facebook account asking her why she blocked me and to tell me that in my face). she’s a grown woman, why is she going to her husband to tattle tell is beyond me. anyway, her husband told my husband and my husband is furious. he said it makes him look like an idiot and told me that i have to stop with my business because he’s not going to listen to complains from other husbands. i told him that he can’t tell me what to do and he told me that he very much can and my business has to go. i met kelly outside the next day and told her i only tried to help her and she didn’t have to be a bitch about this and she said that her husband and her did some research and it was really low of me to try use her misery to get a bonus. she called me an asshole and worse. i am currently sitting alone crying, devastated. everyone seems so against me but and i really the asshole here? i was only trying to help. [/INST] yta stop flogging your mlm scheme and trying to get people to buy into your pyramid scheme. i bet you get blocked on social media, a lot. </s>
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AITA for having a wedding and not disclosing we were already legally married?
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about two months ago, my husband and i got “married” in a beautiful ceremony. it was so much fun. we went on a honeymoon after. the price tag makes me wheeze, but my parents were insistent on paying for 95% of it, saying it’s their only daughter’s wedding. as a result, the wedding was way more fancy than something my husband or i could afford! my husband and i paid the rest — his family did not contribute (which is fine!).
the wedding was lovely, but missing one piece - the marriage license. about a year and a half ago, i was going through some serious health issues (the issues are resolved now, thankfully!). i had recently graduated from school and didn’t have health insurance. my husband and i decided to get married so i could join his health insurance. it was a quick justice of the peace ceremony. we were always planning to have a ceremony at some point in the future. a few months after that, he “proposed” (something i didn’t see coming!), the wedding occurred, and here we are today, planning for kids.
very few people knew we got legally married about a year and a half ago. we weren’t trying to be deceptive. however, part of it was that i wasn’t comfortable revealing my health issues. my husband respected this. my parents knew about our legal marriage, but his mother did not. his mom (i’ll call her carol) and i aren’t close. she’s fine enough in low doses, but...
we’re currently in the process of moving. this past weekend, his mother came to help us pack up things. as we were packing files (birth certificate, social security cards, etc.), somehow our marriage license must’ve slipped out. carol picked it up and kept insisting we need to frame it. and then she noticed the date.
carol lost it. she insisted we lied to everyone. she said our wedding ceremony was just a “gift grab” (our wedding website stated that someone’s presence was gift enough— we still got many generous gifts and we are forever grateful). carol went and called her twin sister, my husband’s aunt, and the sister called and lashed out at us. she said we were sneaky and deceptive. she is saying she may want her gift back—something we are fine with giving her.
for me and my husband, the legal wedding was just so i could get insurance. a means to an end. our wedding date is what we will celebrate. are we assholes for not being more upfront? i’ve been really upset and confused and waffle back and forth. my husband insists we are not assholes.
| 30,757 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d9m02m/aita_for_having_a_wedding_and_not_disclosing_we/
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2019-09-26 16:27:42
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nta. there is a reason why you only take carol in small doses
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nta also keep in mind that gifts are just that. once somebody gifts you something, sole ownership of that thing goes to you.
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nta.
also, your husband deserves an extra shout out for backing your decision.
there's far, far too many feckless spouses out there who will side with "mommy and daddy" over their partner.
and those partners deserve better.
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i suspect she's just hurt she didn't know you'd already been married a year and a half. her son didn't tell her and i can see why she'd be upset.
lots of people have ceremonies after they're already married, it's not uncommon. older people sometimes don't get legally married force variety of reasons (like benefits from a deceased spouse) and just have a commitment ceremony.
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how is it a gift grab if you didn't have one a year and a half ago? like, if you'd done a real wedding back then, there would have been a reception anyway so...
nta. but if you haven't found away to explain things to her, figure out a way to tell her while leaving the unwanted specifics out and have your husband explain the situation. you won't wanna be on your mil's bad side from the proverbial gate.
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nta
being legally married unlocks certain powers that can make life better. y'all did that and that was wise.
the ceremony / reception is to celebrate the couple, and also a good way to see friends and relatives that aren't close by.
the fact that y'all were legally married doesn't diminish the celebration.
carol is being an asshole because she feels entitled to know every detail about you and her son, and her not knowing a socially irrelevant (but legally very relevant) detail wounds her little heart. this is a perfect application for the non-apology "i'm sorry you feel that way, but we made the right decision "
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nta.
i understand carol feeling hurt at her son not telling her he was married, but your health and legal relationship status are your business. nor should you be denied a big family affair just because your circumstances forced you to get a marriage license. she was way out of line.
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nta. your husband probably should've told his mum, but carol sounds ridiculous. give her gift back & be done with it.
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nta. op, my boyfriend (i guess legally husband) and i did the exact same thing. i had some health issues and his insurance was excellent. so we got legally married and didn't really tell anyone. my parents are extremely judgmental and would not be okay with this so i just don't tell them. i keep them on an information diet anyway. to us, it's not a marriage, just another legal document. when we have the actual proposal, ring, ceremony, etc., that to us is the real wedding, a public declaration of our love and commitment. we don't even call each other husband and wife because we don't see it like that. don't let people on this thread tell you otherwise. you did what you did and it benefited you in the end, that's all that matters. btw, the healthcare i received saved my life without breaking my bank. sometimes a rarity in the us!
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nah but people do get touchy about this and she's his mom, i can totally understand why she got upset not knowing you've actually been married almost 2 years ago.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: about two months ago, my husband and i got “married” in a beautiful ceremony. it was so much fun. we went on a honeymoon after. the price tag makes me wheeze, but my parents were insistent on paying for 95% of it, saying it’s their only daughter’s wedding. as a result, the wedding was way more fancy than something my husband or i could afford! my husband and i paid the rest — his family did not contribute (which is fine!). the wedding was lovely, but missing one piece - the marriage license. about a year and a half ago, i was going through some serious health issues (the issues are resolved now, thankfully!). i had recently graduated from school and didn’t have health insurance. my husband and i decided to get married so i could join his health insurance. it was a quick justice of the peace ceremony. we were always planning to have a ceremony at some point in the future. a few months after that, he “proposed” (something i didn’t see coming!), the wedding occurred, and here we are today, planning for kids. very few people knew we got legally married about a year and a half ago. we weren’t trying to be deceptive. however, part of it was that i wasn’t comfortable revealing my health issues. my husband respected this. my parents knew about our legal marriage, but his mother did not. his mom (i’ll call her carol) and i aren’t close. she’s fine enough in low doses, but... we’re currently in the process of moving. this past weekend, his mother came to help us pack up things. as we were packing files (birth certificate, social security cards, etc.), somehow our marriage license must’ve slipped out. carol picked it up and kept insisting we need to frame it. and then she noticed the date. carol lost it. she insisted we lied to everyone. she said our wedding ceremony was just a “gift grab” (our wedding website stated that someone’s presence was gift enough— we still got many generous gifts and we are forever grateful). carol went and called her twin sister, my husband’s aunt, and the sister called and lashed out at us. she said we were sneaky and deceptive. she is saying she may want her gift back—something we are fine with giving her. for me and my husband, the legal wedding was just so i could get insurance. a means to an end. our wedding date is what we will celebrate. are we assholes for not being more upfront? i’ve been really upset and confused and waffle back and forth. my husband insists we are not assholes.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
about two months ago, my husband and i got “married” in a beautiful ceremony. it was so much fun. we went on a honeymoon after. the price tag makes me wheeze, but my parents were insistent on paying for 95% of it, saying it’s their only daughter’s wedding. as a result, the wedding was way more fancy than something my husband or i could afford! my husband and i paid the rest — his family did not contribute (which is fine!). the wedding was lovely, but missing one piece - the marriage license. about a year and a half ago, i was going through some serious health issues (the issues are resolved now, thankfully!). i had recently graduated from school and didn’t have health insurance. my husband and i decided to get married so i could join his health insurance. it was a quick justice of the peace ceremony. we were always planning to have a ceremony at some point in the future. a few months after that, he “proposed” (something i didn’t see coming!), the wedding occurred, and here we are today, planning for kids. very few people knew we got legally married about a year and a half ago. we weren’t trying to be deceptive. however, part of it was that i wasn’t comfortable revealing my health issues. my husband respected this. my parents knew about our legal marriage, but his mother did not. his mom (i’ll call her carol) and i aren’t close. she’s fine enough in low doses, but... we’re currently in the process of moving. this past weekend, his mother came to help us pack up things. as we were packing files (birth certificate, social security cards, etc.), somehow our marriage license must’ve slipped out. carol picked it up and kept insisting we need to frame it. and then she noticed the date. carol lost it. she insisted we lied to everyone. she said our wedding ceremony was just a “gift grab” (our wedding website stated that someone’s presence was gift enough— we still got many generous gifts and we are forever grateful). carol went and called her twin sister, my husband’s aunt, and the sister called and lashed out at us. she said we were sneaky and deceptive. she is saying she may want her gift back—something we are fine with giving her. for me and my husband, the legal wedding was just so i could get insurance. a means to an end. our wedding date is what we will celebrate. are we assholes for not being more upfront? i’ve been really upset and confused and waffle back and forth. my husband insists we are not assholes. [/INST] nta. there is a reason why you only take carol in small doses </s>
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AITA for not blowing out a flaming dessert when the kid at the next table freaked out?
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sitting at a restaurant for my husband’s birthday this evening and ordered a flaming creme brûlée. waitress comes out and set its aflame, child sitting next to our table (appeared to be between 8 and 10 years old) freaked out, i mean legit screaming, crying & flailing. my husband surmised the flames were bothering the child and told me to blow them out which i didn’t do because one, they go out on their own and two, my sugar wasn’t caramelized yet. he then proceeded to call me an asshole which got me to thinking am i the asshole here for not blowing the flames out immediately?
| 3,552 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sfvycj/aita_for_not_blowing_out_a_flaming_dessert_when/
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2022-01-30 00:22:43
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nta. the kid's parents could have removed him from the situation, no?
it's not like you were starting a bonfire in a pediatrician's waiting room. you were doing something that was an available activity at this restaurant.
if the kid has certain sensitivites, it's on parents to manage the situation.
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nope nta. creme brulee without the brulee is pudding. they brought kids to what sounds like a white table cloth place, did they look at menu? bananas foster. cherries jubilee. they needed to control that kid and his trauma. like take a wailing baby out of a wedding or church service. and why hubby not blow it out himself?
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nta, you are not his parent, is their responsibility to take care of their kid not yours. also crème brûlée needs a perfect caramel on it and you paid for it.
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nta. like i said in another comment, kids need limits. i know it sounds harsh, but hear me out before you jump on me.
a few possible scenarios:
a) the kid was autistic (as someone stated in a different comment). in that case, and i base that on my work experience, the parents are at fault. low functioning kids are a stress hazard and need *a metric fuckton* of structure. anything out of the ordinary will trigger them. by necessity, i'd call it selfish to take the kid to a restaurant then, with strange smells, sounds, unfamiliar faces (a heavy trigger for many autistic kids). that scenario was a meltdown waiting to happen, and the parents should have taken the kid outside for a few minutes for it to calm down. or gotten a specialized babysitter.
b) the kid wasn't autistic. in that case, the kid could be traumatised, overly nervous, stupid, etc. ... so it was a reaction to get their way. when kids cry and flail, it's an extreme reaction because they know it gets them what they want. ever heard a kid cry and after a few seconds degrade into that state of "hünnnnnnn.....", that bored, yet nervous wailing? that's an automatic response to not immediately getting their way. crying demands a lot of energy and gets exhausting quickly. but they wanna try and do it anyway, because *maybe...*
to kids, everything is 100%. stubbed their toe? death is imminent. mom won't let them go to a concert 300km with some shady dude in his 30s? gosh mom, you're literally ruining my life, i hate you, don't talk to me ever again.
that's not just me talking out of my ass, that's literally three semesters of pedagogy and having what i learned in class be enforced by real life experience, having to work with kids.
so, knowing that, i'm admittedly gonna be kinda bold, but i'd assume that the extreme response is just a reaction to *mild discomfort.* in that case, that's not worth a sloppy creme brûleé.
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[removed]
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nta blowing on flaming sugar and alcohol could possibly spread and cause a bigger fire.
not all restaurants are appropriate for young children.
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nta, kid needs to be civilized and learn about the world, they'll get over it.
it takes a village to raise a child so they say.
and a burning crème brulée.🔥
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nta
their parents or the people they came with could have taken them out for a moment until it was ok or to at least calm them down away from the fire.
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nta - the kids not your responsibility. his parents should have explained what was happening.
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nta. ive seen kids freak out at restaurants because the food was the wrong colour. such as red tomatoes, because every one knows red means danger.
it's the parents responsibility not yours.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: sitting at a restaurant for my husband’s birthday this evening and ordered a flaming creme brûlée. waitress comes out and set its aflame, child sitting next to our table (appeared to be between 8 and 10 years old) freaked out, i mean legit screaming, crying & flailing. my husband surmised the flames were bothering the child and told me to blow them out which i didn’t do because one, they go out on their own and two, my sugar wasn’t caramelized yet. he then proceeded to call me an asshole which got me to thinking am i the asshole here for not blowing the flames out immediately?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
sitting at a restaurant for my husband’s birthday this evening and ordered a flaming creme brûlée. waitress comes out and set its aflame, child sitting next to our table (appeared to be between 8 and 10 years old) freaked out, i mean legit screaming, crying & flailing. my husband surmised the flames were bothering the child and told me to blow them out which i didn’t do because one, they go out on their own and two, my sugar wasn’t caramelized yet. he then proceeded to call me an asshole which got me to thinking am i the asshole here for not blowing the flames out immediately? [/INST] nta. the kid's parents could have removed him from the situation, no? it's not like you were starting a bonfire in a pediatrician's waiting room. you were doing something that was an available activity at this restaurant. if the kid has certain sensitivites, it's on parents to manage the situation. </s>
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AITA for calling the cops to do a wellness check on a house on Christmas day??
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some backstory:
my girlfriend and i recently just bought a house together 2 months ago, & we've been very happy living here with our dog in this little neighborhood.
there's only one issue:
one of our neighbors seems to be quite the trashy inhabitant. the first thing we noticed during the inspection period was that she has 8 dogs living in a 3 bed 1 bath house with about a 1/5 acre yard. the (thankfully fenced in) backyard doesn't grow grass from what i can tell, as it's littered with dog shit. there's junk all over the yard, both front and back. there's an above ground pool that is falling apart as it's (as i've learned from a neighbor) being held together by duct tape. the dogs bark incessantly, itch themselves constantly, and fight with one another nonstop. her solution? either to spray them with the hose or scream out the back window at them. it seems for the most part they live outside, until she decided to bring them in in the evening. which brings me to my next point.
before we actually moved our furniture in, we were at the house daily doing renovations. during breaks, i'd look out the backyard occasionally; a few times i noticed a toddler running around in a diaper during 30° days. it didn't seem, to my knowledge anyway, to happen often. but the few times i did notice, it seemed to be running around for a good couple of minutes.
talking to the neighbors around me, i've learned that the woman living there is unemployed, and it's her, her daughter, her daughter's boyfriend, and her grandchild. she's able to live here because the house is under a trust. during the summer, the area around the house reeks of dog poop. in the past, she's housed a fawn, several raccoons, & opossums. the neighborhood is under an hoa, yet the neighbors, one of whom was on the council for awhile, can't seem to be moved to do anything about it even though there is a bylaw that clearly states ahe is in violation.
to wrap it up; today after my workout (home gym ftw), i let my dog out the backyard, where he was met by a few of the dogs attempting to jump the fence, snarling and barking at him. for reference, my dog is a yellow lab, so there is a very small fraction of aggression in him. this is not an isolated incident, rather a common problem. full of preworkout, i finally snapped. i went inside and called the local county sheriff's department non-emergency number and requested a wellness check for the toddler, and left a message with the local animal shelter. to both i detailed the problem as i have here, & explained my concerns.
i'm not concerned if what i did was wrong, because i have had enough of waking up every morning to dogs fighting, but rather if doing it on christmas makes me an asshole?
| 1,212 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/efkz6z/aita_for_calling_the_cops_to_do_a_wellness_check/
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2019-12-25 19:57:10
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nta
that's an abuse situation for both the child and the dogs. it's best you called, most people turn a blind eye and move along. cheers.
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esh. i’m questioning your motives. you sound more upset that your dog was barked at than you were concerned that a small child was running around in a diaper in freezing weather through piles of poop. you probably should have called them a long time ago.
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you are slightly ta for not calling to do a wellness check on the kid sooner. it was fine a baby is running around nearly nude in the cold in a yard full of feces before your dog was barked at?
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nta. but your association is the asshole here
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nta. even though some other comments made a point about it being christmas i don’t think that poor toddler or those dogs are having any different of a day just because it’s christmas. you were patient, collected relevant evidence and made a rational decision about the safety of a child and animals that can’t help themselves.
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esh. you’re not wrong for calling with concerns about your neighbor, but it should’ve been done when you realized that there were issues (young child left unattended and dogs living in unsafe conditions). i get that you felt threatened by the dogs today but this sort of mentality where someone is afraid to speak up until they’re personally inconvenienced or made uncomfortable by a situation is the reason why situations of abuse go on for longer than necessary.
also, since you asked about being an asshole specifically since it’s christmas, i’ll confirm that you are! people who work in emergency services and have to work on holidays would prefer an easy day. this could’ve been handled weeks or maybe months ago, and it wasn’t. i guess better to call it in today than never, but again, this should’ve been handled sooner. you’re an adult who owns a home, so presumably are fairly adept at adulting. it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that a toddler shouldn’t be left alone outside in just a diaper in winter. your obvious disdain for these “trashy” people who are poorer than you makes me question your motives: are you actually worried about this child and the dogs, or do you just want your eyesore neighbors to go away?
neighbors are obviously the ah for not taking better care of their kiddo and dogs.
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esh why in the world would you wait this long and on christmas day? obviously this situation needed to be handled forever ago.
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nta. i think it was a bit of an impulsive move. but also there might be some (or rather a lot of) drug use in the house. child and animal neglect is usually because of that.
give us an update maybe?
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yta
being on christmas doesn't make you the asshole. if you think there is a danger to a child you won't be an asshole if you call that in. however, in this case, you didn't explain what you felt was a danger to the child. the poop in the backyard? the dogs acting violently toward your dog through a fence? the fact that the backyard smells like poop in the summer? that they are breaking hoa rules?
you called in a welfare check on a child not because you were worried about the child, but because you were annoyed by the dogs bugging your dog. this is why you are the asshole. the police are not your personal goons to punish those who annoy you.
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notices toddler multiple times in a diaper in 'freezing' conditions, does nothing. dogs bark at your dog, oh i'm calling in a wellness check cause you aren't raising your kids right. yta.
not saying this neighbor is a good mom or animal owner. you were jacked on preworkout (your words) and you did a wellness check over dogs barking, not when the kid was in actual danger. ever hear the story of the boy who cried wolf.
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NTA
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ESH
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
|
YTA
| 0.770882 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: some backstory: my girlfriend and i recently just bought a house together 2 months ago, & we've been very happy living here with our dog in this little neighborhood. there's only one issue: one of our neighbors seems to be quite the trashy inhabitant. the first thing we noticed during the inspection period was that she has 8 dogs living in a 3 bed 1 bath house with about a 1/5 acre yard. the (thankfully fenced in) backyard doesn't grow grass from what i can tell, as it's littered with dog shit. there's junk all over the yard, both front and back. there's an above ground pool that is falling apart as it's (as i've learned from a neighbor) being held together by duct tape. the dogs bark incessantly, itch themselves constantly, and fight with one another nonstop. her solution? either to spray them with the hose or scream out the back window at them. it seems for the most part they live outside, until she decided to bring them in in the evening. which brings me to my next point. before we actually moved our furniture in, we were at the house daily doing renovations. during breaks, i'd look out the backyard occasionally; a few times i noticed a toddler running around in a diaper during 30° days. it didn't seem, to my knowledge anyway, to happen often. but the few times i did notice, it seemed to be running around for a good couple of minutes. talking to the neighbors around me, i've learned that the woman living there is unemployed, and it's her, her daughter, her daughter's boyfriend, and her grandchild. she's able to live here because the house is under a trust. during the summer, the area around the house reeks of dog poop. in the past, she's housed a fawn, several raccoons, & opossums. the neighborhood is under an hoa, yet the neighbors, one of whom was on the council for awhile, can't seem to be moved to do anything about it even though there is a bylaw that clearly states ahe is in violation. to wrap it up; today after my workout (home gym ftw), i let my dog out the backyard, where he was met by a few of the dogs attempting to jump the fence, snarling and barking at him. for reference, my dog is a yellow lab, so there is a very small fraction of aggression in him. this is not an isolated incident, rather a common problem. full of preworkout, i finally snapped. i went inside and called the local county sheriff's department non-emergency number and requested a wellness check for the toddler, and left a message with the local animal shelter. to both i detailed the problem as i have here, & explained my concerns. i'm not concerned if what i did was wrong, because i have had enough of waking up every morning to dogs fighting, but rather if doing it on christmas makes me an asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
some backstory: my girlfriend and i recently just bought a house together 2 months ago, & we've been very happy living here with our dog in this little neighborhood. there's only one issue: one of our neighbors seems to be quite the trashy inhabitant. the first thing we noticed during the inspection period was that she has 8 dogs living in a 3 bed 1 bath house with about a 1/5 acre yard. the (thankfully fenced in) backyard doesn't grow grass from what i can tell, as it's littered with dog shit. there's junk all over the yard, both front and back. there's an above ground pool that is falling apart as it's (as i've learned from a neighbor) being held together by duct tape. the dogs bark incessantly, itch themselves constantly, and fight with one another nonstop. her solution? either to spray them with the hose or scream out the back window at them. it seems for the most part they live outside, until she decided to bring them in in the evening. which brings me to my next point. before we actually moved our furniture in, we were at the house daily doing renovations. during breaks, i'd look out the backyard occasionally; a few times i noticed a toddler running around in a diaper during 30° days. it didn't seem, to my knowledge anyway, to happen often. but the few times i did notice, it seemed to be running around for a good couple of minutes. talking to the neighbors around me, i've learned that the woman living there is unemployed, and it's her, her daughter, her daughter's boyfriend, and her grandchild. she's able to live here because the house is under a trust. during the summer, the area around the house reeks of dog poop. in the past, she's housed a fawn, several raccoons, & opossums. the neighborhood is under an hoa, yet the neighbors, one of whom was on the council for awhile, can't seem to be moved to do anything about it even though there is a bylaw that clearly states ahe is in violation. to wrap it up; today after my workout (home gym ftw), i let my dog out the backyard, where he was met by a few of the dogs attempting to jump the fence, snarling and barking at him. for reference, my dog is a yellow lab, so there is a very small fraction of aggression in him. this is not an isolated incident, rather a common problem. full of preworkout, i finally snapped. i went inside and called the local county sheriff's department non-emergency number and requested a wellness check for the toddler, and left a message with the local animal shelter. to both i detailed the problem as i have here, & explained my concerns. i'm not concerned if what i did was wrong, because i have had enough of waking up every morning to dogs fighting, but rather if doing it on christmas makes me an asshole? [/INST] nta that's an abuse situation for both the child and the dogs. it's best you called, most people turn a blind eye and move along. cheers. </s>
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AITA for not paying my fiancés daughters school tuition while paying for my daughters?
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me(39m) and my fiancé(35f) have been dating for 3 years, and both have children from our last partners. i have a daughter (16,) she also has a daughter (12.) now, a couple weeks ago i was given a pretty big pay raise at work, and decided to send my daughter to a private school in our city. after talking to my ex-wife, we decided that i would pay half and she would pay the other. she was excited as it was the school she herself attended when she was younger.
my fiancé though, was not happy. she said that we should let her daughter go to the same private school as well, and that i should pay half. i told her that i doubt that my stepdaughter would even want to go there in the first place (my daughter is more goal/work oriented while hers is a social butterfly who doesn't put much notice on school.) i said that knowing her daughter (we have a great relationship,) it would be very stressful for her to move schools and there really was no point. my daughter has dreams of becoming a surgeon and this specific school would allow her to explore that possibility more.
besides this, i said i could pay 1/3 of the tuition, while she and her ex payed the remaining amount. my stepdaughter goes to her dads house during the weekends and as far as i know, they're very close. judging by his house (i've been there a couple of times picking her up,) he and his wife are definitely well off and wouldn't face financial issues. my fiancé said she doesn't want to ask him and that i should be paying the full half since it was my idea.
i told her that we should ask the actual subject of discussion, aka her daughter. i called her in the room, asked, and as i though, she replied with "no." she has a lot of great friends in her current school, and is fully satisfied with her lifestyle. my fiancé asked her to think about it more, while glancing at me with an annoyed grimace.
even after this, my fiancé still wants to send her daughter to the school, while having me pay half. she says it would benefit her daughter more then she knows. now she is acting cold towards me around the house, and i'm not sure what to do.
aita?
| 226 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u413cx/aita_for_not_paying_my_fiancés_daughters_school/
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2022-04-15 05:43:35
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nta. you shouldn’t even be paying a third. it should be between her and her ex. you aren’t even married yet. and even after you are it should fall on them.
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nta, like a good soon to be step dad you asked for her opinion and she answered. you gave off valid reasons, dunno why your fiancé is pushing for her daughter to go too the same school that your kid is going to.
ask your fiancé why she's adamant on sending her kid to the school and for not asking her ex to pay for the school fees.
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nta. tell her your ex is paying half for your daughter, you never asked her (fiancée) to contribute, so the same should go for her daughter (bio parents pay half each) especially as bio dad seems to have the money. generous of you to offer to pay a third.
also please make sure you get a solid pre-nup!!
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nta. why even offer to pay 1/3 of this kids' tuition fee? this kid has a mother and a father. you are not even married to this woman yet and she's asking for too much already. op, do not give in and do not bow down whatever tantrum this woman shows you. you have a daughter to take care of. her daughter is her and her ex-husband's responsibility. i can already foresee how this woman will limit what you spend for your daughter when you get married, and ask that you spend the same amount for her own daughter. this is not fair. the kid has a father. pls make sure you get a prenup and not allow your finances to commingle when you get married. if you do not stand your ground now, you will have more problems like this when you get married. your woman needs to know where she should stand.
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nta. parents pay for their own kids tuition. that was the rule in our house. i had two daughters in school and paid for half tuition for each and their fathers paid for the other half.
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nta. your step daughter doesn’t even want to go there, your wife is being petty
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hard nta. both of your step daughter’s parents are in the picture and involved. her education expenses shouldn’t fall in your lap. i get that your fiancé wants to send her to a good school but that’s a conversation for her and her ex and it would be their responsibility to fund. it’s sweet that you’re questioning yourself but you’re good.
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[deleted]
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nta. your stepdaughter doesn't want to go, so that should be the end of the discussion. your fiancee is being unreasonable by expecting you to pay half while your stepdaughter's bio father pays nothing "because it was your idea.". it wasn't your idea it was your fiancee's because she's jealous about you spending more money on your bio daughter.
your offer to pay 1/3 was more than generous and your fiancee needs to grow up and accept that her daughter doesn't want to change schools and that she shouldn't expect you to pay for her kid's private education while her ex pays nothing.
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nta. your fiancé has jealousy issues. also if you were to split it it should be 1/4 since her ex also has a new partner who by your fiancés logic should chip in.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me(39m) and my fiancé(35f) have been dating for 3 years, and both have children from our last partners. i have a daughter (16,) she also has a daughter (12.) now, a couple weeks ago i was given a pretty big pay raise at work, and decided to send my daughter to a private school in our city. after talking to my ex-wife, we decided that i would pay half and she would pay the other. she was excited as it was the school she herself attended when she was younger. my fiancé though, was not happy. she said that we should let her daughter go to the same private school as well, and that i should pay half. i told her that i doubt that my stepdaughter would even want to go there in the first place (my daughter is more goal/work oriented while hers is a social butterfly who doesn't put much notice on school.) i said that knowing her daughter (we have a great relationship,) it would be very stressful for her to move schools and there really was no point. my daughter has dreams of becoming a surgeon and this specific school would allow her to explore that possibility more. besides this, i said i could pay 1/3 of the tuition, while she and her ex payed the remaining amount. my stepdaughter goes to her dads house during the weekends and as far as i know, they're very close. judging by his house (i've been there a couple of times picking her up,) he and his wife are definitely well off and wouldn't face financial issues. my fiancé said she doesn't want to ask him and that i should be paying the full half since it was my idea. i told her that we should ask the actual subject of discussion, aka her daughter. i called her in the room, asked, and as i though, she replied with "no." she has a lot of great friends in her current school, and is fully satisfied with her lifestyle. my fiancé asked her to think about it more, while glancing at me with an annoyed grimace. even after this, my fiancé still wants to send her daughter to the school, while having me pay half. she says it would benefit her daughter more then she knows. now she is acting cold towards me around the house, and i'm not sure what to do. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me(39m) and my fiancé(35f) have been dating for 3 years, and both have children from our last partners. i have a daughter (16,) she also has a daughter (12.) now, a couple weeks ago i was given a pretty big pay raise at work, and decided to send my daughter to a private school in our city. after talking to my ex-wife, we decided that i would pay half and she would pay the other. she was excited as it was the school she herself attended when she was younger. my fiancé though, was not happy. she said that we should let her daughter go to the same private school as well, and that i should pay half. i told her that i doubt that my stepdaughter would even want to go there in the first place (my daughter is more goal/work oriented while hers is a social butterfly who doesn't put much notice on school.) i said that knowing her daughter (we have a great relationship,) it would be very stressful for her to move schools and there really was no point. my daughter has dreams of becoming a surgeon and this specific school would allow her to explore that possibility more. besides this, i said i could pay 1/3 of the tuition, while she and her ex payed the remaining amount. my stepdaughter goes to her dads house during the weekends and as far as i know, they're very close. judging by his house (i've been there a couple of times picking her up,) he and his wife are definitely well off and wouldn't face financial issues. my fiancé said she doesn't want to ask him and that i should be paying the full half since it was my idea. i told her that we should ask the actual subject of discussion, aka her daughter. i called her in the room, asked, and as i though, she replied with "no." she has a lot of great friends in her current school, and is fully satisfied with her lifestyle. my fiancé asked her to think about it more, while glancing at me with an annoyed grimace. even after this, my fiancé still wants to send her daughter to the school, while having me pay half. she says it would benefit her daughter more then she knows. now she is acting cold towards me around the house, and i'm not sure what to do. aita? [/INST] nta. you shouldn’t even be paying a third. it should be between her and her ex. you aren’t even married yet. and even after you are it should fall on them. </s>
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AITA for not compromising my weekend for my boyfriend and his child?
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my (33f) has 3 kids. my boyfriend (34m) has on child. we have been dating for 2 years. our weekends where our kids were at the other parents aligned and we each got to spend one weekend with each other. we do not live with each other.
a few months ago my boyfriend’s child expressed that she missed him and would like to start spending more time with him. she asked if they could start seeing each other every weekend. he told her he’d have to talk to her mom. he mentioned it to me and i thought it was great, but i did tell him at this time that the weekends where i didn’t have kids i may not be around. i use that time to get stuff done, relax or take mini vacations. all of which we did together on “our weekends”. he said he understood.
fast forward a few months and she is now there every weekend. i’m very happy for him that he gets to spend more time with his kid. the first weekend i had no kids he asked me over for dinner with them and i happily agreed. the second weekend where i had no kids and i told him that i would not be around that weekend. i bought myself a plane ticket and i’m going to vegas. he got incredibly upset and called me selfish that i don’t want to spend time with him and his child. that’s not the case as i told him those are my free weekends and would like to do as i please. he then said that he feels left out now and that he’s angry because he can’t do things with me anymore, so i just do them myself.
so, aita because i didn’t want to compromise on my schedule and made plans to do something without him?
| 546 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t8e2e1/aita_for_not_compromising_my_weekend_for_my/
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2022-03-07 01:44:45
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nta. he's not asking you to compromise. he's demanding that you not do something that you want to, because he can't. a compromise is that some weekends you spend together and some weekends you spend apart, which is apparently what you are already doing.
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nta. his child is probably loving all of the one on one time with their dad. does he spend every weekend with your kids? doesn't seem like it.
maybe it's not traditional, but it seems nice to have time for yourself. if he wants to join in, maybe he could transition from having his child every weekend, to taking one weekend with you, and getting more time in the week.
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nta. you are selfish? you are entitled to your own time. you don't owe him your free weekends.
he is the one who made his child a priority which he should! he needs to put his big boy pants on and get over the resentment. he gave up his weekends for a good cause.
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nta. you aren't selfish for wanting and planning time for yourself. you aren't obligated to spend *every* weekend with your bf and his kid and you wouldn't be even if you were living together. as i'm sure you realize, having kids means that sometimes you can't always do exactly what you want to do.
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nta. you can plan your child free weekends as you please.
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absolutely nta!! being a parent (as you well know) is a double edge sword of sacrifice most of the time. living independent of the father of your children offers you some freedom that lots of us don't have. i pray that you enjoy every single moment of it because it to requires sacrifice. his sacrifices are his to make for his child and you should not feel guilty for living your life as freely as you can, while you can. who knows next year it could be you holding down your children while he finds himself with more free time. he's just jellie. hell i'm a lil jellie! enjoy your time while you can you aren't obligated to him for anything until you are. and in this strange, strange world we live in you just never know when you the "thing" you allow yourself to go do is the last "thing" you get to do.
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nta, and it’s not fair for him to try to guilt you about it. i’m fairly sure he’s just jealous you’re getting a fun little vacation.
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nta he’s mad that you aren’t letting him foist off his parenting duties on you. keep it up!
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nta ,he kind of is though. you have the right to enjoy kid free time. also good on you for being able to do that kind of stuff on your own. its been proven the most well minded brains are the ones that can do things like vacations and dinners alone. like an actual scientific study not just a university study but a peer reviewed study proved that it takes a very healthy brain to sit and be comfortable on your own. they also have more chance of success in life . so who the hell would let a man make them feel bad about that? i wish i had your self love and self-esteem. its not selfish to want to enjoy your time . you would end up hating him if you stopped . jealous or not its not ok to try to stop you.
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nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (33f) has 3 kids. my boyfriend (34m) has on child. we have been dating for 2 years. our weekends where our kids were at the other parents aligned and we each got to spend one weekend with each other. we do not live with each other. a few months ago my boyfriend’s child expressed that she missed him and would like to start spending more time with him. she asked if they could start seeing each other every weekend. he told her he’d have to talk to her mom. he mentioned it to me and i thought it was great, but i did tell him at this time that the weekends where i didn’t have kids i may not be around. i use that time to get stuff done, relax or take mini vacations. all of which we did together on “our weekends”. he said he understood. fast forward a few months and she is now there every weekend. i’m very happy for him that he gets to spend more time with his kid. the first weekend i had no kids he asked me over for dinner with them and i happily agreed. the second weekend where i had no kids and i told him that i would not be around that weekend. i bought myself a plane ticket and i’m going to vegas. he got incredibly upset and called me selfish that i don’t want to spend time with him and his child. that’s not the case as i told him those are my free weekends and would like to do as i please. he then said that he feels left out now and that he’s angry because he can’t do things with me anymore, so i just do them myself. so, aita because i didn’t want to compromise on my schedule and made plans to do something without him?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (33f) has 3 kids. my boyfriend (34m) has on child. we have been dating for 2 years. our weekends where our kids were at the other parents aligned and we each got to spend one weekend with each other. we do not live with each other. a few months ago my boyfriend’s child expressed that she missed him and would like to start spending more time with him. she asked if they could start seeing each other every weekend. he told her he’d have to talk to her mom. he mentioned it to me and i thought it was great, but i did tell him at this time that the weekends where i didn’t have kids i may not be around. i use that time to get stuff done, relax or take mini vacations. all of which we did together on “our weekends”. he said he understood. fast forward a few months and she is now there every weekend. i’m very happy for him that he gets to spend more time with his kid. the first weekend i had no kids he asked me over for dinner with them and i happily agreed. the second weekend where i had no kids and i told him that i would not be around that weekend. i bought myself a plane ticket and i’m going to vegas. he got incredibly upset and called me selfish that i don’t want to spend time with him and his child. that’s not the case as i told him those are my free weekends and would like to do as i please. he then said that he feels left out now and that he’s angry because he can’t do things with me anymore, so i just do them myself. so, aita because i didn’t want to compromise on my schedule and made plans to do something without him? [/INST] nta. he's not asking you to compromise. he's demanding that you not do something that you want to, because he can't. a compromise is that some weekends you spend together and some weekends you spend apart, which is apparently what you are already doing. </s>
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AITA for storming out of a family gathering when partners dad calls me a p***y
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first time i’ve done this. sorry it’s a doozy. relevant details:
same sex couple of 2 years. partner’s dad is a conservative catholic. always suspected he disliked me, but was mostly okay with his son coming out, so w/e. has invited both of us to his house/cabin + multiple holidays as couple. on family christmas cards, have received gifts. enough to feel like we’re on good terms.
event:
the trouble began when my partner and i were leaving the memorial day family celebration early, saying our rounds of goodbyes. this is something his father already dislikes because we are usually the first to leave and this is something he gives us a hard time over. this visit was particularly short because we had an 8 week old puppy with us, one we’ve only had for two days, who i did not want to bring to the family cookout, but ended up caving on as a result of a compromise with my partner. (compromise being we leave early)
we get to dad, who is next to my partner, his wife, and the rest of their family. maybe 6 total. we say goodbye, and he asks me why i want to leave, and says we should “just fucking stay here a while.”
i’m already getting uncomfortable because i already know the buzzed semi aggressive dad routine. i answer that “our puppy needs to go home.” he then asks “is there something wrong with him?” i say no, and then he asks point blank “then why do you want to leave so early?”
finally, exhausted i tell him “because i’ve been awake with the dog since 4:00 am and we both need to sleep.”
then he says “it sounds like you’re being a pussy.”
at this point i was in shock, and shut down. i believe i said “no i’m not” but i honestly don’t remember. he realized pretty quickly that i was upset. so he said something to the effect of “you know i only tease you cause i love you.” he reached out an arm and perhaps this ways my mistake by sending a mixed signal, but with everyone watching, i reluctantly accepted the hug while he continued to explain that it was a joke.
this would be a good time to mention that i have ptsd, and have had to endure this sort of talk from paternal figures before as a kid. so by now i was literally one of those characters in film that kind of zones out and everything goes a little silent like when a explosion goes off. he was still giving his explanation that it was a joke, and i sort of well, walked away, grabbed the dog kennel and left the house. there were at least 4 other people inside the house that saw me silently storm out, so it likely became a scene by the time i was gone.
in the car i told my partner that i wished he defended me. on a previous visit his dad called us both “idiots.” and i was super upset and had a talk with my partner about it, so this isn’t an isolated incident.
a few hours after we get a text from my partners step mother saying she’s sorry i had “a bad day with the family,” and that my plane ticket to my partners brothers wedding were cancelled.
aita?
| 948 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/npknt0/aita_for_storming_out_of_a_family_gathering_when/
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2021-06-01 03:28:46
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nta. you didn’t even storm out. you walked out without making a scene. also why are the tickets cancelled to the wedding now? i’m sorry you had to endure this.
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nta but damn! that last sentence ("a few hours after we get a text from my partners step mother saying she’s sorry i had “a bad day with the family,” and that my plane ticket to my partners brothers wedding were cancelled.") shows exactly how awful both the dad and his wife are. that's throwing gasoline on a fire.
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nta. this wasn't the first time you've had to endure this, and it won't be the last. your partner may be used to it, but that doesn't mean you have to accept that kind of behavior. it's probably (definitely) homophobia, and you and your partner have to have a serious talk about boundaries with their family. you're allowed to leave early anytime, no matter the excuse, and that kind of talk isn't funny.
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nta
you have a partner problem. why was he silent?
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nta. your partner should have defended you or at least let helped explain to his parents. also, this isn’t a new issue and stems from your partner’s parents having issues.
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nta as someone with ptsd i told my partner family events are on my conditions only. best choice ever
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so you so's father insults you, tries to make a joke of it then has his wife text you to "apologize" but at the same time rescinds the plane ticket they purchased for you.
info: does your so still have a plane ticket to the wedding and is he planning on going without you?
nta. first off, you should stop worrying about so's dad and step-mother because they sound manipulative and nothing you do will make them happy. they expect you to let them insult you and smile.
the invite to the wedding was from the brother. unless you hear from him that you are not invited, i would discuss what you want to do with your so. if that means you buying a ticket, then buy a ticket. your so's parents sound horrible.
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nta. they suck, and your partner needs to not only stand up for you but also keep up his end of the agreement (leaving early). this sounds like a problem with your partner if this is happening more than once.
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nta. there was no reason for him to speak to you like that, and your partner should know you well enough to know when to defend you when his father gets crass. there's no reason you should have to stick around to a gathering for some set amount of time, you should be able to leave when you want regardless of early rising or having a puppy with you. he had no reason to 'call you out' for leaving when you want to, and after being triggered, leaving without saying goodbye to some people is not unacceptable.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: first time i’ve done this. sorry it’s a doozy. relevant details: same sex couple of 2 years. partner’s dad is a conservative catholic. always suspected he disliked me, but was mostly okay with his son coming out, so w/e. has invited both of us to his house/cabin + multiple holidays as couple. on family christmas cards, have received gifts. enough to feel like we’re on good terms. event: the trouble began when my partner and i were leaving the memorial day family celebration early, saying our rounds of goodbyes. this is something his father already dislikes because we are usually the first to leave and this is something he gives us a hard time over. this visit was particularly short because we had an 8 week old puppy with us, one we’ve only had for two days, who i did not want to bring to the family cookout, but ended up caving on as a result of a compromise with my partner. (compromise being we leave early) we get to dad, who is next to my partner, his wife, and the rest of their family. maybe 6 total. we say goodbye, and he asks me why i want to leave, and says we should “just fucking stay here a while.” i’m already getting uncomfortable because i already know the buzzed semi aggressive dad routine. i answer that “our puppy needs to go home.” he then asks “is there something wrong with him?” i say no, and then he asks point blank “then why do you want to leave so early?” finally, exhausted i tell him “because i’ve been awake with the dog since 4:00 am and we both need to sleep.” then he says “it sounds like you’re being a pussy.” at this point i was in shock, and shut down. i believe i said “no i’m not” but i honestly don’t remember. he realized pretty quickly that i was upset. so he said something to the effect of “you know i only tease you cause i love you.” he reached out an arm and perhaps this ways my mistake by sending a mixed signal, but with everyone watching, i reluctantly accepted the hug while he continued to explain that it was a joke. this would be a good time to mention that i have ptsd, and have had to endure this sort of talk from paternal figures before as a kid. so by now i was literally one of those characters in film that kind of zones out and everything goes a little silent like when a explosion goes off. he was still giving his explanation that it was a joke, and i sort of well, walked away, grabbed the dog kennel and left the house. there were at least 4 other people inside the house that saw me silently storm out, so it likely became a scene by the time i was gone. in the car i told my partner that i wished he defended me. on a previous visit his dad called us both “idiots.” and i was super upset and had a talk with my partner about it, so this isn’t an isolated incident. a few hours after we get a text from my partners step mother saying she’s sorry i had “a bad day with the family,” and that my plane ticket to my partners brothers wedding were cancelled. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
first time i’ve done this. sorry it’s a doozy. relevant details: same sex couple of 2 years. partner’s dad is a conservative catholic. always suspected he disliked me, but was mostly okay with his son coming out, so w/e. has invited both of us to his house/cabin + multiple holidays as couple. on family christmas cards, have received gifts. enough to feel like we’re on good terms. event: the trouble began when my partner and i were leaving the memorial day family celebration early, saying our rounds of goodbyes. this is something his father already dislikes because we are usually the first to leave and this is something he gives us a hard time over. this visit was particularly short because we had an 8 week old puppy with us, one we’ve only had for two days, who i did not want to bring to the family cookout, but ended up caving on as a result of a compromise with my partner. (compromise being we leave early) we get to dad, who is next to my partner, his wife, and the rest of their family. maybe 6 total. we say goodbye, and he asks me why i want to leave, and says we should “just fucking stay here a while.” i’m already getting uncomfortable because i already know the buzzed semi aggressive dad routine. i answer that “our puppy needs to go home.” he then asks “is there something wrong with him?” i say no, and then he asks point blank “then why do you want to leave so early?” finally, exhausted i tell him “because i’ve been awake with the dog since 4:00 am and we both need to sleep.” then he says “it sounds like you’re being a pussy.” at this point i was in shock, and shut down. i believe i said “no i’m not” but i honestly don’t remember. he realized pretty quickly that i was upset. so he said something to the effect of “you know i only tease you cause i love you.” he reached out an arm and perhaps this ways my mistake by sending a mixed signal, but with everyone watching, i reluctantly accepted the hug while he continued to explain that it was a joke. this would be a good time to mention that i have ptsd, and have had to endure this sort of talk from paternal figures before as a kid. so by now i was literally one of those characters in film that kind of zones out and everything goes a little silent like when a explosion goes off. he was still giving his explanation that it was a joke, and i sort of well, walked away, grabbed the dog kennel and left the house. there were at least 4 other people inside the house that saw me silently storm out, so it likely became a scene by the time i was gone. in the car i told my partner that i wished he defended me. on a previous visit his dad called us both “idiots.” and i was super upset and had a talk with my partner about it, so this isn’t an isolated incident. a few hours after we get a text from my partners step mother saying she’s sorry i had “a bad day with the family,” and that my plane ticket to my partners brothers wedding were cancelled. aita? [/INST] nta. you didn’t even storm out. you walked out without making a scene. also why are the tickets cancelled to the wedding now? i’m sorry you had to endure this. </s>
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AITA for "forgetting" to get my nephew a birthday present?
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my brother's son is 20, and he lives about 30 minutes drive away from our area. my brother and his wife separated about 3 years ago, and he moved out of the country, while my nephew stayed here with his mother and brother. when the breakup happened, all of our side of the family tried not to take sides, as there was infidelity involved - we didn't want to cut off my brother, but we also didn't want to see them stuck.
we(the extended family) helped them find a new house and gave them some furniture and such to get them restarted. personally i did a lot of driving back and forth to their area as well, dropping off people and bits to help them. since then, we haven't really seen much of them, but we bump into them from time to time at family functions.
last year we were at one such function (i can't remember what it was), and they were all there. since we'd last seen them, our daughter had been born, and the nephew came out with the observation "oh, i'd forgotten you guys had a baby". it wasn't anything offensive, but i was a little pissed off that he had forgotten the existence of my daughter - we had been there a lot for them in a tough time, and i don't think it was much to at least expect that.
fast forward to this week - his birthday had been earlier in the week. since all the kids in the extended family had gotten over the age of 16, we usually just tended to stick £50 in a card and that was usually the end of it. this year for said nephew, i decided not to send him a card, or indeed wish him a happy birthday. the next day i got a call from his mum asking why i hadn't sent a card - to which i replied "oh i forgot it was his birthday". she knew i was lying, and called me an asshole, saying that he was just a young boy. i retaliated, saying that he is old enough to know that he has a new cousin, and that i was offended that she had been completely forgotten.
so, aita?
| 270 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iax2ki/aita_for_forgetting_to_get_my_nephew_a_birthday/
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2020-08-16 18:02:39
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yta. that's just petty.
you send all the kids in the extended family a birthday remembrance, not based on your personal relationship but on the fact that you're related. but for this one, you base his gift on a different criteria. an offhand comment made over a year ago that wasn't even that offensive, considering that you rarely see each other.
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yta. he hadn’t even seen you guys since the kid was born. most of his knowledge of her existence will have stemmed from people telling him a couple of times she existed. his life does not revolve around you. maybe it was insensitive to say, but he probably said it without thinking. you even acknowledge it was nothing offensive. it is extremely petty and rude to just ignore someone’s birthday because they forgot about someone who didn’t exist the last time he saw you.
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let me get this straight, you used a child for revenge against your family? you just told that child who you were, and i hope they realize who you are at your core never talk to you again.
maybe next time, say “hey, the fact you said that you forgot i had baby hurt my feelings. it made me feel like you genuinely haven’t been interested in our friendship at all.” calling people on the carpet is the adult way. are you an adult?
but nah, you decided to hurt them just as bad. an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, kid.
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if him forgetting "wasn't anything offensive", then why were you so petty as to intentionally forget his birthday?
it would have annoyed me too if i were you, but the decent, mature thing to do is to continue to treat your nephew the way you want to be treated.
20 year olds can be like that sometimes. yta.
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dude yta.
i can see how a 20 year old that you dont see often, who hasn't met your baby, could forget.
you are taking offense to an honest oversight by a 20 year old guy.
you purposely didn't send a card to get revenge because he forgot you had a baby, because you hadn't seen them, how old are you? your mad at him but it wouldn't even be like this if your brother didn't go mia and ditch his family.
have some accountability
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what the duck? yta so hard. he’s a kid for gods sake. sometimes kids forgot things. and you just straight went petty. you’re so childish when you did that. you’re a adult yet you act like a kid. yta so hard.
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yta. who’s the adult here? you. your reaction was quite over the top for such a little mistake. actually when my sister was 2, i forgot she existed for most of a day-we are 10 years apart. i was never punished for forgetting this. he made an honest mistake, and your reaction was too much.
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yta. look, you never owe anyone a present ever, but if you're doing it for all the other nephews and nieces, even if they're adults, then you do it for him, too. (there's another discussion to be had about sending presents to everyone when they become adults, but that's another issue)
what you did here was petty and mean. it's easy enough in a family to lose track of who's doing what or who had a kid or who got divorced or what aunt jane's new husband's name is. even with the best of intentions, we can forget or not realize important life changes have happened. remember that what is ground shaking to you is not necessarily affecting them at all. and often out of sight is out of mind.
send the card with the $ and an apology.
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | null | 0.01744 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother's son is 20, and he lives about 30 minutes drive away from our area. my brother and his wife separated about 3 years ago, and he moved out of the country, while my nephew stayed here with his mother and brother. when the breakup happened, all of our side of the family tried not to take sides, as there was infidelity involved - we didn't want to cut off my brother, but we also didn't want to see them stuck. we(the extended family) helped them find a new house and gave them some furniture and such to get them restarted. personally i did a lot of driving back and forth to their area as well, dropping off people and bits to help them. since then, we haven't really seen much of them, but we bump into them from time to time at family functions. last year we were at one such function (i can't remember what it was), and they were all there. since we'd last seen them, our daughter had been born, and the nephew came out with the observation "oh, i'd forgotten you guys had a baby". it wasn't anything offensive, but i was a little pissed off that he had forgotten the existence of my daughter - we had been there a lot for them in a tough time, and i don't think it was much to at least expect that. fast forward to this week - his birthday had been earlier in the week. since all the kids in the extended family had gotten over the age of 16, we usually just tended to stick £50 in a card and that was usually the end of it. this year for said nephew, i decided not to send him a card, or indeed wish him a happy birthday. the next day i got a call from his mum asking why i hadn't sent a card - to which i replied "oh i forgot it was his birthday". she knew i was lying, and called me an asshole, saying that he was just a young boy. i retaliated, saying that he is old enough to know that he has a new cousin, and that i was offended that she had been completely forgotten. so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my brother's son is 20, and he lives about 30 minutes drive away from our area. my brother and his wife separated about 3 years ago, and he moved out of the country, while my nephew stayed here with his mother and brother. when the breakup happened, all of our side of the family tried not to take sides, as there was infidelity involved - we didn't want to cut off my brother, but we also didn't want to see them stuck. we(the extended family) helped them find a new house and gave them some furniture and such to get them restarted. personally i did a lot of driving back and forth to their area as well, dropping off people and bits to help them. since then, we haven't really seen much of them, but we bump into them from time to time at family functions. last year we were at one such function (i can't remember what it was), and they were all there. since we'd last seen them, our daughter had been born, and the nephew came out with the observation "oh, i'd forgotten you guys had a baby". it wasn't anything offensive, but i was a little pissed off that he had forgotten the existence of my daughter - we had been there a lot for them in a tough time, and i don't think it was much to at least expect that. fast forward to this week - his birthday had been earlier in the week. since all the kids in the extended family had gotten over the age of 16, we usually just tended to stick £50 in a card and that was usually the end of it. this year for said nephew, i decided not to send him a card, or indeed wish him a happy birthday. the next day i got a call from his mum asking why i hadn't sent a card - to which i replied "oh i forgot it was his birthday". she knew i was lying, and called me an asshole, saying that he was just a young boy. i retaliated, saying that he is old enough to know that he has a new cousin, and that i was offended that she had been completely forgotten. so, aita? [/INST] yta. that's just petty. you send all the kids in the extended family a birthday remembrance, not based on your personal relationship but on the fact that you're related. but for this one, you base his gift on a different criteria. an offhand comment made over a year ago that wasn't even that offensive, considering that you rarely see each other. </s>
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WIBTA if I told my husband he needs to tell his dad if he baby sits he better be changing diapers?
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so i (32f) have a 2 year old and a 3 month old. bother my husband (30m) have full time jobs so on rotating days our parents baby sit. my mom gets thursday, my dad gets mondays and wednesday. his parents get friday. thia is great because we save on day care and grandparents get to see the kids.
now the issue i have is that if my dh father ever babysits without his wife he never seems to change the diapers of either kid. i've picked them up after a dr appointment today and as soon as my 2 year old ran up to me i could smell the poop. my month old also was soaked. it's happened before and i'm tired of it. if someone agrees to babysit kids that small then i shouldnt have kids in blow out diapers..
wibta if i told dh to tell his dad to not let the kids sit in filthy diapers till his wife changes them or someone else picks up the kids?
edit : just to be clear my fil never has them alone for a full day. if i ask him to watch it's an hour, hour and a half at most. the days the kids go over he and my mil are both there the whole time. this only happens if i have a dr appointment and no other grandparents are available
update : so i've read everyone's comments and i appreciate them all. now i've talked to my husband who was pretty irritated since in his words "i thought he was better about it now" since unbeknownst to me the 1st time this happened my husband spoke to his mom and she told him she would handle it. had i known that i probably would have made the issue known today, but he says he will talk to his dad and let him know that we wont be using him to watch the kids alone again.
now because it keeps getting brought up i should say this has happened 3 times in 2 years. when i say i only go to him as a last resort it really is a last resort. my children only stay an hour to an hour and a half if i have to bring them there when he is alone. every other time my mil is there a 100 % of the time, and i know she makes every effort.
and last i really think it's because in his mind men don't do diapers and as i told my husband that shit doesn't fly so i guess he will only see them when mil is around from now on. i don't feel bad at all about it. thanks again everyone and have a great week ;)
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k4pm21/wibta_if_i_told_my_husband_he_needs_to_tell_his/
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2020-12-01 17:34:09
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nta, i could be wrong but i think that's considered child neglect.
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nta
**do not let your fil** watch the kids alone again.
"you have to change diapers when they are filthy, soaking, and *reeking*" is not something **anyone** caring for a baby needs to be **told**.
your fil knew what was needed and decided not to do it. too grossed out, not manly, whatever — the reason doesn't matter, only that he made the decision.
he showed you his priorities do not lie with the needs of your children, and you would be irresponsible to entrust your children to him.
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[deleted]
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nta - if he's babysitting for long enough that a diaper change is necessary then he needs to be prepared to change diapers. if he's not capable of changing diapers then he should only babysit for short periods or only with someone else who will change diapers, otherwise it's not fair on the kids.
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nta. changing nappies/diapers promptly is extremely important for child health. also, how is changing nappies *not* old hat for your fil?
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yta - not left sitting in feces and urine is minimum your kids deserve.
why the heck have you been letting your fil babysit period?
the first time, you should have spoken up and said something.
the second time should have been the last time.
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nta
this should have already been discussed with your husband the first time you noticed it happen. this puts the children in danger of rash and infection. speak to your husband about it and if he doesn't agree then tell him y'all need to get an actual babysitter who will care for your children (another family member or a paid sitter)
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...nta.. he is not safely watching the children? do you care more about someones feelings or your children's health? like come on. we all know the answer here
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ywnbta. i actually think you may not be addressing this as sternly as is necessary out of fear of being ta. you need to tell him directly that he cannot watch or care for your children if he is going to be neglectful, and that not changing their diapers is just as much of a health and safety issue as not feeding them would be. i would not leave them with him alone again for a while, for the sake of your children’s wellbeing and health.
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nta. if you babysit children in diapers, changing diapers is not optional.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i (32f) have a 2 year old and a 3 month old. bother my husband (30m) have full time jobs so on rotating days our parents baby sit. my mom gets thursday, my dad gets mondays and wednesday. his parents get friday. thia is great because we save on day care and grandparents get to see the kids. now the issue i have is that if my dh father ever babysits without his wife he never seems to change the diapers of either kid. i've picked them up after a dr appointment today and as soon as my 2 year old ran up to me i could smell the poop. my month old also was soaked. it's happened before and i'm tired of it. if someone agrees to babysit kids that small then i shouldnt have kids in blow out diapers.. wibta if i told dh to tell his dad to not let the kids sit in filthy diapers till his wife changes them or someone else picks up the kids? edit : just to be clear my fil never has them alone for a full day. if i ask him to watch it's an hour, hour and a half at most. the days the kids go over he and my mil are both there the whole time. this only happens if i have a dr appointment and no other grandparents are available update : so i've read everyone's comments and i appreciate them all. now i've talked to my husband who was pretty irritated since in his words "i thought he was better about it now" since unbeknownst to me the 1st time this happened my husband spoke to his mom and she told him she would handle it. had i known that i probably would have made the issue known today, but he says he will talk to his dad and let him know that we wont be using him to watch the kids alone again. now because it keeps getting brought up i should say this has happened 3 times in 2 years. when i say i only go to him as a last resort it really is a last resort. my children only stay an hour to an hour and a half if i have to bring them there when he is alone. every other time my mil is there a 100 % of the time, and i know she makes every effort. and last i really think it's because in his mind men don't do diapers and as i told my husband that shit doesn't fly so i guess he will only see them when mil is around from now on. i don't feel bad at all about it. thanks again everyone and have a great week ;)
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i (32f) have a 2 year old and a 3 month old. bother my husband (30m) have full time jobs so on rotating days our parents baby sit. my mom gets thursday, my dad gets mondays and wednesday. his parents get friday. thia is great because we save on day care and grandparents get to see the kids. now the issue i have is that if my dh father ever babysits without his wife he never seems to change the diapers of either kid. i've picked them up after a dr appointment today and as soon as my 2 year old ran up to me i could smell the poop. my month old also was soaked. it's happened before and i'm tired of it. if someone agrees to babysit kids that small then i shouldnt have kids in blow out diapers.. wibta if i told dh to tell his dad to not let the kids sit in filthy diapers till his wife changes them or someone else picks up the kids? edit : just to be clear my fil never has them alone for a full day. if i ask him to watch it's an hour, hour and a half at most. the days the kids go over he and my mil are both there the whole time. this only happens if i have a dr appointment and no other grandparents are available update : so i've read everyone's comments and i appreciate them all. now i've talked to my husband who was pretty irritated since in his words "i thought he was better about it now" since unbeknownst to me the 1st time this happened my husband spoke to his mom and she told him she would handle it. had i known that i probably would have made the issue known today, but he says he will talk to his dad and let him know that we wont be using him to watch the kids alone again. now because it keeps getting brought up i should say this has happened 3 times in 2 years. when i say i only go to him as a last resort it really is a last resort. my children only stay an hour to an hour and a half if i have to bring them there when he is alone. every other time my mil is there a 100 % of the time, and i know she makes every effort. and last i really think it's because in his mind men don't do diapers and as i told my husband that shit doesn't fly so i guess he will only see them when mil is around from now on. i don't feel bad at all about it. thanks again everyone and have a great week ;) [/INST] nta, i could be wrong but i think that's considered child neglect. </s>
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AITA for refusing to let my sister have my wedding dress?
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i (f26) was supposed to get married to my fiance (m30) on august 17th, 2021. but he passed away suddenly in a car accident a month before. it was so devastating and pain is pretty much raw for me. i moved back with my parents to get so familiarity and support. my parents have been so helpful but my twin sister and i aren't so close. she's engaged and getting married before the end of this year. she keeps ranting about her future inlaws expecting her to pay so much money for venue, and invite many guests. she and her fiance can't afford much and last week she and my mom asked if she could have my wedding dress to wear at her wedding. i was shocked by her request but didn't react intensly i just politely declined. she and mom started talking about financial struggles and how i have the potential to help but i refuse to and being negative. i explained to them how this dress has personal attachment and value after they said the wedding didn't happen anyway and i didn't get to make memories in it which was hard to hear. an argument ensued and my sister called me selfish and unsupportive, mom still sided with her and said i was wrong and that this dress will only stay hanging in the closet if i don't "do something" with it since my fiance isn't coming back and "i refuse" to move on even though it hasn't even been that long. dad is on my side but i started feeling like maybe i'm not being helpful seeing my sister struggling and needing help. mom said this might make or break our relationship for the years to come especially when i don't have many people around me after this loss.
am the assholefor refusing to let her have it? by the way the dress cost me $2200 that i'd saved up on my own. they claim i'm refusing because of its price and even went as far as to say that i must be planning on selling it or expect them to pay for it.
| 11,710 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vq25q2/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_sister_have_my/
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2022-07-02 21:52:51
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nta. jesus tap dancing christ. entitled mother and sister there. i can’t say anything that won’t get me into trouble on here. so will just reiterate you are nta. stick with dad, let mommy dearest and sister deal with sis wedding dress problems without you. it has been less than a year. i can’t
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nta
i suggest taking the dress to a close friend’s house to hang onto until this wedding is over.
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“i was called selfish and unsupportive by my sister” well isn’t that rich. truly some of the most self absorbed nonsense i’ve ever seen. you have a very good reason to not want to loan the dress. but you don’t even need one, no is a full sentence. nta
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nta. your sister doesn’t have a right to your dress, *and you’re still grieving*. you can use that dress for toilet paper if you want, it’s yours and you have no obligation to give it to anyone. i’m so sorry for your loss.
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nta. you paid for that dress and have no responsibility to put anything towards your twin sister's wedding. unless they are offering to pay the full price you did for the dress plus sentimental value you add it it, then your sister can suck it up and buy her own dress like hundreds of other brides do every single year.
edit because i forgot to type it i'm so mad on your behalf... i am truly and deeply sorry for your loss. words cannot convey the level of empathy and well intentioned hugs i'd love to give you. keep your dress for as long as you want and to heck with anyone else.
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nta. the dress is yours and while you may never have worn it to your wedding, you chose it and presumably had it fitted to wear to your wedding. you had dreams for that dress and the future it represented. your toxic sister and mother are 100% the ah. they don't get to dictate when, how and how long you grieve. sister is entitled to even ask for the dress. your mom sucks for supporting her after you said no.
i'm very sorry for your loss. if you are able, i'd move out of your parents and go low contact with your mom and no contact with your sister until they get over themselves.
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nta
i'm incredibly sorry for your loss, op.
your sister's financial issues are not your problem. your sister's inability to stand up to her future in-laws about the wedding they want her and their child to have is also not your problem. if your sister and mom want others to step in and help, they can go to the future in-laws and tell them to pony up or butt out. you are grieving, and that wedding gown is yours to do with as you please. if you decide to box it up and keep it forever, that's your prerogative. if you eventually decide to sell or donate it, that's your choice. they have no right to ask for it or try to dictate how long your grief process lasts. stand firm.
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nta
i'm so sorry for your loss. but just because your sister is struggling financially doesn't mean your obligated to give her anything. and it was *supposed* to be your dress before the day was tragically stolen from you. just because you didn't wear it, doesn't mean she gets to.
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nta but your mother and sister are..i can't believe what i've just read. its horrifying.
please do not leave that dress anywhere they can find it.
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nta at all.
they should never have asked you that!
the request was thoughtless and inconsiderate, i'm so sorry about your fiancé.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f26) was supposed to get married to my fiance (m30) on august 17th, 2021. but he passed away suddenly in a car accident a month before. it was so devastating and pain is pretty much raw for me. i moved back with my parents to get so familiarity and support. my parents have been so helpful but my twin sister and i aren't so close. she's engaged and getting married before the end of this year. she keeps ranting about her future inlaws expecting her to pay so much money for venue, and invite many guests. she and her fiance can't afford much and last week she and my mom asked if she could have my wedding dress to wear at her wedding. i was shocked by her request but didn't react intensly i just politely declined. she and mom started talking about financial struggles and how i have the potential to help but i refuse to and being negative. i explained to them how this dress has personal attachment and value after they said the wedding didn't happen anyway and i didn't get to make memories in it which was hard to hear. an argument ensued and my sister called me selfish and unsupportive, mom still sided with her and said i was wrong and that this dress will only stay hanging in the closet if i don't "do something" with it since my fiance isn't coming back and "i refuse" to move on even though it hasn't even been that long. dad is on my side but i started feeling like maybe i'm not being helpful seeing my sister struggling and needing help. mom said this might make or break our relationship for the years to come especially when i don't have many people around me after this loss. am the assholefor refusing to let her have it? by the way the dress cost me $2200 that i'd saved up on my own. they claim i'm refusing because of its price and even went as far as to say that i must be planning on selling it or expect them to pay for it.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (f26) was supposed to get married to my fiance (m30) on august 17th, 2021. but he passed away suddenly in a car accident a month before. it was so devastating and pain is pretty much raw for me. i moved back with my parents to get so familiarity and support. my parents have been so helpful but my twin sister and i aren't so close. she's engaged and getting married before the end of this year. she keeps ranting about her future inlaws expecting her to pay so much money for venue, and invite many guests. she and her fiance can't afford much and last week she and my mom asked if she could have my wedding dress to wear at her wedding. i was shocked by her request but didn't react intensly i just politely declined. she and mom started talking about financial struggles and how i have the potential to help but i refuse to and being negative. i explained to them how this dress has personal attachment and value after they said the wedding didn't happen anyway and i didn't get to make memories in it which was hard to hear. an argument ensued and my sister called me selfish and unsupportive, mom still sided with her and said i was wrong and that this dress will only stay hanging in the closet if i don't "do something" with it since my fiance isn't coming back and "i refuse" to move on even though it hasn't even been that long. dad is on my side but i started feeling like maybe i'm not being helpful seeing my sister struggling and needing help. mom said this might make or break our relationship for the years to come especially when i don't have many people around me after this loss. am the assholefor refusing to let her have it? by the way the dress cost me $2200 that i'd saved up on my own. they claim i'm refusing because of its price and even went as far as to say that i must be planning on selling it or expect them to pay for it. [/INST] nta. jesus tap dancing christ. entitled mother and sister there. i can’t say anything that won’t get me into trouble on here. so will just reiterate you are nta. stick with dad, let mommy dearest and sister deal with sis wedding dress problems without you. it has been less than a year. i can’t </s>
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AITA For telling my friend he isn't Irish?
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i lived and worked in ireland for a few years and made some good friend. one of them came to visit me in 2019. we'll call him rory. rory works in hospitality management in a chain of hotels that are popular with tourists. he is good at his job but often he would rant to me how much he hated it when americans came over called themselves irish, and would spew out all the typical stereotypes. i think he found it a bit insulting, he knows the country still relies on tourism, but it is still annoying.
anyway, he comes over for a visit and we had a great time going around in the mountains and seeing touristy stuff in the mountains, and taking some atv trails in my can am.
one night we went out for drinks with some friends of mine. one of them, doug, suggested we go to the local irish pub. rory didn't seem too into but i told him it genuinely was a good place and he trusted my judgment. the whole time there doug would shut up with the irish stereotypes about drinking and fighting, and kept whipping out his phone to play some irish folk song he thought was cool. "i knew you'd like it because i'm irish too"
i could see rory was getting annoyed, but was too polite to say anything. so finally i said, "doug, you're not irish. the only irish person here is rory. this stuff you are doing is strait up insulting" i explained why, but doug was still hurt. i didn't want to be mean, but he was being obnoxiously annoying.
aita?
| 191 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/paq17l/aita_for_telling_my_friend_he_isnt_irish/
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2021-08-24 15:51:18
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nta - americans listen up. it doesn't matter where your ancestors came from, you're a boring american now deal with it!
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nta. americans really need to get this: *our lucky charms and drunken st.patrick’s day notions of irish culture are gauche and pretty insulting and, understandably, annoying af to actual irish people.* we’re not irish. “irish-american” is fair, but irish-american culture is a very different thing than irish culture. believe me, acting like an ignorant ass about your perceived “irishness” is not creating the sense of brotherhood you’re going for.
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nta. some people have irish heritage, like i do. however, i’m far enough removed from that to know that i can’t claim to be irish myself.
i can say that my family has irish roots, but none of us are culturally irish enough to claim that we’re irish here and now.
hell, i’m living in ireland atm and i would never say that i was irish. i might be irish by heritage, but not by nationality or culture.
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info-i'm confused a bit, it sounds like doug was just saying stereotypes, but is he himself of actual irish decent?
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nta, you are a saint and as an irish person, thank you for noticing the huge difference between irish and irish american.
he was rude, ignorant and acting like a right eejit.
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nta
sounds like doug was being annoying. could have been a soft esh depending on how you put it but he should have been able to read the room.
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nta thank you. its really fucking annoying to us. americans are american, thats it.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0.007141 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i lived and worked in ireland for a few years and made some good friend. one of them came to visit me in 2019. we'll call him rory. rory works in hospitality management in a chain of hotels that are popular with tourists. he is good at his job but often he would rant to me how much he hated it when americans came over called themselves irish, and would spew out all the typical stereotypes. i think he found it a bit insulting, he knows the country still relies on tourism, but it is still annoying. anyway, he comes over for a visit and we had a great time going around in the mountains and seeing touristy stuff in the mountains, and taking some atv trails in my can am. one night we went out for drinks with some friends of mine. one of them, doug, suggested we go to the local irish pub. rory didn't seem too into but i told him it genuinely was a good place and he trusted my judgment. the whole time there doug would shut up with the irish stereotypes about drinking and fighting, and kept whipping out his phone to play some irish folk song he thought was cool. "i knew you'd like it because i'm irish too" i could see rory was getting annoyed, but was too polite to say anything. so finally i said, "doug, you're not irish. the only irish person here is rory. this stuff you are doing is strait up insulting" i explained why, but doug was still hurt. i didn't want to be mean, but he was being obnoxiously annoying. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i lived and worked in ireland for a few years and made some good friend. one of them came to visit me in 2019. we'll call him rory. rory works in hospitality management in a chain of hotels that are popular with tourists. he is good at his job but often he would rant to me how much he hated it when americans came over called themselves irish, and would spew out all the typical stereotypes. i think he found it a bit insulting, he knows the country still relies on tourism, but it is still annoying. anyway, he comes over for a visit and we had a great time going around in the mountains and seeing touristy stuff in the mountains, and taking some atv trails in my can am. one night we went out for drinks with some friends of mine. one of them, doug, suggested we go to the local irish pub. rory didn't seem too into but i told him it genuinely was a good place and he trusted my judgment. the whole time there doug would shut up with the irish stereotypes about drinking and fighting, and kept whipping out his phone to play some irish folk song he thought was cool. "i knew you'd like it because i'm irish too" i could see rory was getting annoyed, but was too polite to say anything. so finally i said, "doug, you're not irish. the only irish person here is rory. this stuff you are doing is strait up insulting" i explained why, but doug was still hurt. i didn't want to be mean, but he was being obnoxiously annoying. aita? [/INST] nta - americans listen up. it doesn't matter where your ancestors came from, you're a boring american now deal with it! </s>
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AITA for refusing my mother's dying wish
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33f, married, financially stable and happy with a couple cats and a senior dog
my mother (67 f) is a cancer survivor and was recently diagnosed with another, more aggressive form of tumor. considering her history with treatment, the prognosis isn't good.
she and i aren't close. she has untreated mental health issues (i suspect bpd) that made my life hell growing up, and even in my adult years she's often tried to control my life to make it more like hers. one thing we've always disagreed on is the topic of babies. my mother *loves* babies (but not children, who have opinions) and has desperately wanted to be a grandmother from the moment she found out she was having a daughter. unfortunately for her, i'm childfree. i like kids. i even work with babies, and i'm good with them. but i've never wanted one, and i'm an only child.
i called her after the diagnosis came in to check on her, and - in tears - she declared that now is the time that i *have* to give her a grandbaby. the doctor is giving her about a year to live, perfect timing if i get pregnant now apparently. she says this is the only thing that would make her feel better about dying.
as usual, i said no. i don't want a kid. my spouse doesn't want a kid. that's it.
now, several of my mother's friends, who in the past had supported my decision, are calling me up to say i'm ta for refusing her dying wish. they're pointing out that my spouse and i could afford a child (true) and that we already have more space in our home than we need (sort of true), and therefore the only thing that's stopping me from popping out an infant in 9 months is, in their opinion, that i'm a horrible selfish child.
to be clear, i'm not going to change my mind. a lot of factors have gone into my decision not to have babies, and a few old people calling me a self-absorbed bitch won't change that, but i'll admit that perhaps i am, in fact, a self-absorbed bitch.
what say you, reddit?
| 19,865 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fxsho6/aita_for_refusing_my_mothers_dying_wish/
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2020-04-09 13:33:11
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nta. you're really mature, responsible and smart to not have a child to appease another person. a child is not a toy that you can return once your mother got her few moments to coo over it. you'd be responsible for that child for at least two decades, and if you don't want a child, it would be crazy to take on that responsibility because your mother wants you to.
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nta
you absolutely cannot bring a human into the world to placate a dying woman. sorry, but that's just absurd.
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on top of the blunt fact that **you don't owe her anything**, especially creating a new human life for her personal fulfillment:
*"1 year to live" could mean 3 years or it could mean 1 month from now.*
this baby doesn't deserve to only be alive because a grandmother it never knew guilted you into having it.
maybe that argument will get through their insane troll logic.
nta
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nta but your mother and her friends sure are. you should never have a child because someone else wants you to. i’m sorry your mother is ill but to demand you have a child so she can be a grandmother is an incredibly selfish thing to do. you do you. don’t have kids or do based on what you and your partner want, everyone else can shove their opinion right up their arse.
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so she wants you to have a baby that she can love for her last few months of her life. and then, when she is gone, what is gonna happen with the baby that you didn't want in the first place? does her friends really want a child in this world that is not wanted? that is just plain bad. nta.
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nta.
look, normally i wouldn’t advocate this, but if you want to lie and tell her awful friends and her you and your husband are trying, or that you got checked and are infertile, no one would blame you. i know what it is like to have a complex relationship with a dying parent. sometimes? sometimes, you just gotta say what you can to get by.
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nta. your mum was essentially using emotional blackmail on you. the fact that she has also complained to the world about your refusal to be forced into making a baby for her makes her highly manipulative as well.
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come on, there is no way you think you are actually the asshole for this
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yta for coming here to post this. do you really have to ask whether or not you're the asshole for being in control of your own reproduction? come on, now. figure out another way to pick up karma.
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i don't understand this obsession with having kids and why other people are so concerned whether or not you have them. it's weird, it's personal and just doesn't make sense to me.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
YTA
| null | 0.04134 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: 33f, married, financially stable and happy with a couple cats and a senior dog my mother (67 f) is a cancer survivor and was recently diagnosed with another, more aggressive form of tumor. considering her history with treatment, the prognosis isn't good. she and i aren't close. she has untreated mental health issues (i suspect bpd) that made my life hell growing up, and even in my adult years she's often tried to control my life to make it more like hers. one thing we've always disagreed on is the topic of babies. my mother *loves* babies (but not children, who have opinions) and has desperately wanted to be a grandmother from the moment she found out she was having a daughter. unfortunately for her, i'm childfree. i like kids. i even work with babies, and i'm good with them. but i've never wanted one, and i'm an only child. i called her after the diagnosis came in to check on her, and - in tears - she declared that now is the time that i *have* to give her a grandbaby. the doctor is giving her about a year to live, perfect timing if i get pregnant now apparently. she says this is the only thing that would make her feel better about dying. as usual, i said no. i don't want a kid. my spouse doesn't want a kid. that's it. now, several of my mother's friends, who in the past had supported my decision, are calling me up to say i'm ta for refusing her dying wish. they're pointing out that my spouse and i could afford a child (true) and that we already have more space in our home than we need (sort of true), and therefore the only thing that's stopping me from popping out an infant in 9 months is, in their opinion, that i'm a horrible selfish child. to be clear, i'm not going to change my mind. a lot of factors have gone into my decision not to have babies, and a few old people calling me a self-absorbed bitch won't change that, but i'll admit that perhaps i am, in fact, a self-absorbed bitch. what say you, reddit?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
33f, married, financially stable and happy with a couple cats and a senior dog my mother (67 f) is a cancer survivor and was recently diagnosed with another, more aggressive form of tumor. considering her history with treatment, the prognosis isn't good. she and i aren't close. she has untreated mental health issues (i suspect bpd) that made my life hell growing up, and even in my adult years she's often tried to control my life to make it more like hers. one thing we've always disagreed on is the topic of babies. my mother *loves* babies (but not children, who have opinions) and has desperately wanted to be a grandmother from the moment she found out she was having a daughter. unfortunately for her, i'm childfree. i like kids. i even work with babies, and i'm good with them. but i've never wanted one, and i'm an only child. i called her after the diagnosis came in to check on her, and - in tears - she declared that now is the time that i *have* to give her a grandbaby. the doctor is giving her about a year to live, perfect timing if i get pregnant now apparently. she says this is the only thing that would make her feel better about dying. as usual, i said no. i don't want a kid. my spouse doesn't want a kid. that's it. now, several of my mother's friends, who in the past had supported my decision, are calling me up to say i'm ta for refusing her dying wish. they're pointing out that my spouse and i could afford a child (true) and that we already have more space in our home than we need (sort of true), and therefore the only thing that's stopping me from popping out an infant in 9 months is, in their opinion, that i'm a horrible selfish child. to be clear, i'm not going to change my mind. a lot of factors have gone into my decision not to have babies, and a few old people calling me a self-absorbed bitch won't change that, but i'll admit that perhaps i am, in fact, a self-absorbed bitch. what say you, reddit? [/INST] nta. you're really mature, responsible and smart to not have a child to appease another person. a child is not a toy that you can return once your mother got her few moments to coo over it. you'd be responsible for that child for at least two decades, and if you don't want a child, it would be crazy to take on that responsibility because your mother wants you to. </s>
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AITA for taking our child to see my mother?
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so three weeks ago, my wife and i had our firstborn child, a little boy i'll be calling n. n is the first grandchild in my family so my mother was very ecstatic about it. wife didn't want her visiting while at the hospital, which was disappointing for my mother but ultimately she was giving birth so it was fine.
after three days, we went home with n, and it's been around three weeks now but my wife is reluctant to let people into our house to see n. she doesn't want to deal with the stress of being a host while recovering. which i get, that's fine too. but my mother hasn't seen n yet in person.
my wife was taking an afternoon nap, so i took n with me for a short visit to my mother's place. i left my wife a text on her phone, and a note next to the bed. n is a healthy baby, i wouldn't have taken him out if he was sickly, i brought nappies and formula with me too just in case he was hungry.
but my wife didn't take it well. she blew up my phone, had her side of the family ring me non-stop to bring n back. now i'm in a fight with the missus because she thinks i had no right to take our child to see my mother while she was sleeping. i took advantage of her "vulnerable time" and went behind her back.
i don't get why she's so against letting n out into the world, and it's actually hurtful that she doesn't want my mother to see our child after three weeks.
so aita for taking my son out to see my mother while my wife was sleeping?
| 958 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f12gsf/aita_for_taking_our_child_to_see_my_mother/
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2020-02-09 02:56:00
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yta, and i think there is a part of this story you are leaving out. you wouldn’t have felt the need to sneak out if your wife didn’t have some sort of issue with your mom. but leaving that aside imagine waking up and discovering that your infant isn’t in the house with you. that’s horrific. you fucked up big by not communicating with your wife.
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yta.
you knew your wife wasn't comfortable with people coming to your house. so you purposefully went behind her back to take *your 3-week old infant* out of the house without the mother's knowledge. you let your wife wake up, alone, with no baby in the house. a 3-week old infant.
you completely broke your wife's trust.
you are such an asshole.
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100% yta. you took her 3 week old baby while she was sleeping. you have just ensured that your wife will not trust you with the baby again. you've shown her that you will not respect her wishes, and that you do not have her back. she's going to be scared anytime she needs to take a shower or get some sleep or do anything that she's going to come back and you'll have overridden her choice in favor of what you want. three weeks postpartum is so fresh, she's recovering, and her needs should be your only priority. if she's afraid of having your mother over because she'll have to play host, that's a failure on your part to not step up as host. there were so many other ways to go about this, and you chose the worst one. this was an awful thing for you to do.
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does your mom have her flu and tdap?
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info
1) is there existing tension between your wife and your mother/family?
2) whose been pushing for the baby meeting/ has your mother calling/texting you constantly you?
3) did you ever mention wanting to take baby out by yourself?
4) is baby exclusively breastfed
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yta
> i don't get why she's so against letting n out into the world, and it's actually hurtful that she doesn't want my mother to see our child after three weeks.
i think you are leaving out a lot of context here. how is your wife's relationship with your mother?
if she has a bad relationship with your mom and didn't want to see her or have her visit the baby for a while, you should have respected that.
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yta. how terrifying for your wife to wake up without her baby! and your account reads sneaky and evasive. do your mother and wife have existing conflict? did your mom try to force her way into the delivery room, or get upset about not being allowed in?
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yta everything you say leads to you purposefully leaving when she was asleep and choosing not to have a conversation. generally, of course you can take your child on trips. it seems like your wife is experiencing post-partum anxiety. her actions aren't malicious. yours were indignant.
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yta. at 3 weeks post partum, i couldnt be away from my baby longer than 2 hours without my hormones screaming at me : "where is the baby! why arent you with the baby? is the baby dead?????!!!!" and that was even knowing where the baby was.
seriously. my husband and i went to see a movie at 4 weeks post partum and when i went out to the lobby to buy snacks i almost walked out to the car and drove home (without my husband) the hormones were so strong. if my husband did what you did, we probably wouldnt be married anymore.
you might not like it, but you and your wife need to 100% have each others backs right now and present a united front. yes, she should lighten up on the visitors, but it sounds like she probably has a reason she doesn't't want to see your mom. you should ask her about it.
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yta completely 100% in this situation. you sneaked out whilst she was asleep, that's a massive betrayal of trust. she's just had a fucking baby, 3 weeks is not that much time. did you bother reading any books on pregnancy and post pregnancy. her hormones are all over the shop, for the next 6 month's she's healing, sleep deprived, producing milk for your baby and her hormones are fluctuating like crazy.
you didn't think at all, and you genuinely feel like you didn't make a mistake. and i can't believe your own family didn't tell you off either. you need to apologise, and seriously ready up on pregnancy. i feel so sorry for your poor wife, she handled this so well considering. you took advantage of her sleeping to take the baby away, how's she supposed to trust you now. it's a massive violation of trust, and how are you not sympathetic to her physical and mental state. were you not there when she gave birth? what was your thought process, clearly you knew you were doing something wrong because you didn't ask her you pulled a sneaky one.
you're not a child anymore, you're a father. you can't do this shit. i'm so ashamed that there are men out there who think this is ok, but worse your own mother didn't tell you you were wrong. your mother doesn't come first anymore your child and wife do, especially so close to the birth. later on, fine you can give your mum and your wife different spots in your life, but you can never do that with your child. you need to discuss things first.
you need to apologise, and hope she forgives you.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so three weeks ago, my wife and i had our firstborn child, a little boy i'll be calling n. n is the first grandchild in my family so my mother was very ecstatic about it. wife didn't want her visiting while at the hospital, which was disappointing for my mother but ultimately she was giving birth so it was fine. after three days, we went home with n, and it's been around three weeks now but my wife is reluctant to let people into our house to see n. she doesn't want to deal with the stress of being a host while recovering. which i get, that's fine too. but my mother hasn't seen n yet in person. my wife was taking an afternoon nap, so i took n with me for a short visit to my mother's place. i left my wife a text on her phone, and a note next to the bed. n is a healthy baby, i wouldn't have taken him out if he was sickly, i brought nappies and formula with me too just in case he was hungry. but my wife didn't take it well. she blew up my phone, had her side of the family ring me non-stop to bring n back. now i'm in a fight with the missus because she thinks i had no right to take our child to see my mother while she was sleeping. i took advantage of her "vulnerable time" and went behind her back. i don't get why she's so against letting n out into the world, and it's actually hurtful that she doesn't want my mother to see our child after three weeks. so aita for taking my son out to see my mother while my wife was sleeping?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so three weeks ago, my wife and i had our firstborn child, a little boy i'll be calling n. n is the first grandchild in my family so my mother was very ecstatic about it. wife didn't want her visiting while at the hospital, which was disappointing for my mother but ultimately she was giving birth so it was fine. after three days, we went home with n, and it's been around three weeks now but my wife is reluctant to let people into our house to see n. she doesn't want to deal with the stress of being a host while recovering. which i get, that's fine too. but my mother hasn't seen n yet in person. my wife was taking an afternoon nap, so i took n with me for a short visit to my mother's place. i left my wife a text on her phone, and a note next to the bed. n is a healthy baby, i wouldn't have taken him out if he was sickly, i brought nappies and formula with me too just in case he was hungry. but my wife didn't take it well. she blew up my phone, had her side of the family ring me non-stop to bring n back. now i'm in a fight with the missus because she thinks i had no right to take our child to see my mother while she was sleeping. i took advantage of her "vulnerable time" and went behind her back. i don't get why she's so against letting n out into the world, and it's actually hurtful that she doesn't want my mother to see our child after three weeks. so aita for taking my son out to see my mother while my wife was sleeping? [/INST] yta, and i think there is a part of this story you are leaving out. you wouldn’t have felt the need to sneak out if your wife didn’t have some sort of issue with your mom. but leaving that aside imagine waking up and discovering that your infant isn’t in the house with you. that’s horrific. you fucked up big by not communicating with your wife. </s>
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AITA for being upset that I was recorded in my own home?
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this is my first time using reddit i’m sorry if things are laid out weird. so i (18f) share a room with 3 younger siblings (important later on). so my bf (18m) and i were laying down on my bed cuddling. one of my sisters (11f) was playing at the edge of my bed then she got up and left. my bf and i were watching a movie at the time and he asked if he could kiss me, i said yes since no one was around. so we had a “long” kiss, it was for like five seconds no tongue or anything like that. we hear foot steps so we stop. the same younger sister walks back in and gets something then walks out, and we continue to watch our movie. about 20-30 minutes later my dad (39m) calls me into the kitchen, he proceeds to tell me that my sister had recorded me and he had watched it and saw me and my bf kissing (that’s why she was “playing” at the edge of my bed apparently, she was setting up her tablet to record us) and asked me why we were kissing. i told him he asked if he could kiss me and since no one was around i told him he could. my dad then tells me that i shouldn’t be kissing him that long with the girls running in and out of the room, i said ok. then he asks me “did he touch ur boob? in the video it looks like he did.” i told him no, his arm was around my waist a little bit under my boobs. he gave me a look and just said to stop doing stuff like that and i was free to go back to my room. obviously i told my bf, and we were both mad, idc that my sister or parents saw me kissing, i care that a video was taken of two grown adults doing nothing but kissing. i honestly feel violated in my own room, i told my parents that but they just said i shouldn’t be mad at her for playing spy. my mom (44f) has made some inappropriate comments like “no making out at school”, “it looks like he was trying to eat that sandwich and you” (i was eating something, i chewed swallowed and then kissed him)aita for being mad at my parents and sister?
| 256 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n0hn39/aita_for_being_upset_that_i_was_recorded_in_my/
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2021-04-28 15:41:13
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nta
you are 18, not children. i wouldn't blame your younger sister, who was probably manipulated by your parents, but for your parents to record their 18 year old daughter without her knowledge in her bedroom is beyond disturbing.
what is the age of consent where you live?
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nta...you didn’t do anything wrong and the kids should be sat down and a discussion around privacy should be had.
your dad sounds...weird...
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nta that’s really disturbing
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nta. this is horrible. you're an adult, and you deserve your privacy. i'd be looking at moving out after that and going very limited contact until an apology was issued. they clearly put your sister up to recording you, and that's even more disturbing.
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nta. this is... a weird sort of voyeuristic fetishism.
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your dads a hypocrite as if he’s 39 and your 18 then he was “doing that stuff “ at a young age too.
nta
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nta.
it is extremely disrespectful to record someone in their house.
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nta. when i started reading i was already annoyed with your parents but then your dad asked if your boyfriend grabbed your boob and i was disgusted. that is such a creepy thing to say coming from a parent. like why does he wanna know?? fucking weird i hope you can move out soon cuz this whole situation is not okay.
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nta. even though you share a bedroom, you were being respectful and responsible. this is a complete invasion of privacy and honestly just weird and creepy. i have a 10 year old brother and i’m 20. if he did this to me i would be very upset.
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nta but i can't help wondering if your father told your sister to record you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this is my first time using reddit i’m sorry if things are laid out weird. so i (18f) share a room with 3 younger siblings (important later on). so my bf (18m) and i were laying down on my bed cuddling. one of my sisters (11f) was playing at the edge of my bed then she got up and left. my bf and i were watching a movie at the time and he asked if he could kiss me, i said yes since no one was around. so we had a “long” kiss, it was for like five seconds no tongue or anything like that. we hear foot steps so we stop. the same younger sister walks back in and gets something then walks out, and we continue to watch our movie. about 20-30 minutes later my dad (39m) calls me into the kitchen, he proceeds to tell me that my sister had recorded me and he had watched it and saw me and my bf kissing (that’s why she was “playing” at the edge of my bed apparently, she was setting up her tablet to record us) and asked me why we were kissing. i told him he asked if he could kiss me and since no one was around i told him he could. my dad then tells me that i shouldn’t be kissing him that long with the girls running in and out of the room, i said ok. then he asks me “did he touch ur boob? in the video it looks like he did.” i told him no, his arm was around my waist a little bit under my boobs. he gave me a look and just said to stop doing stuff like that and i was free to go back to my room. obviously i told my bf, and we were both mad, idc that my sister or parents saw me kissing, i care that a video was taken of two grown adults doing nothing but kissing. i honestly feel violated in my own room, i told my parents that but they just said i shouldn’t be mad at her for playing spy. my mom (44f) has made some inappropriate comments like “no making out at school”, “it looks like he was trying to eat that sandwich and you” (i was eating something, i chewed swallowed and then kissed him)aita for being mad at my parents and sister?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this is my first time using reddit i’m sorry if things are laid out weird. so i (18f) share a room with 3 younger siblings (important later on). so my bf (18m) and i were laying down on my bed cuddling. one of my sisters (11f) was playing at the edge of my bed then she got up and left. my bf and i were watching a movie at the time and he asked if he could kiss me, i said yes since no one was around. so we had a “long” kiss, it was for like five seconds no tongue or anything like that. we hear foot steps so we stop. the same younger sister walks back in and gets something then walks out, and we continue to watch our movie. about 20-30 minutes later my dad (39m) calls me into the kitchen, he proceeds to tell me that my sister had recorded me and he had watched it and saw me and my bf kissing (that’s why she was “playing” at the edge of my bed apparently, she was setting up her tablet to record us) and asked me why we were kissing. i told him he asked if he could kiss me and since no one was around i told him he could. my dad then tells me that i shouldn’t be kissing him that long with the girls running in and out of the room, i said ok. then he asks me “did he touch ur boob? in the video it looks like he did.” i told him no, his arm was around my waist a little bit under my boobs. he gave me a look and just said to stop doing stuff like that and i was free to go back to my room. obviously i told my bf, and we were both mad, idc that my sister or parents saw me kissing, i care that a video was taken of two grown adults doing nothing but kissing. i honestly feel violated in my own room, i told my parents that but they just said i shouldn’t be mad at her for playing spy. my mom (44f) has made some inappropriate comments like “no making out at school”, “it looks like he was trying to eat that sandwich and you” (i was eating something, i chewed swallowed and then kissed him)aita for being mad at my parents and sister? [/INST] nta you are 18, not children. i wouldn't blame your younger sister, who was probably manipulated by your parents, but for your parents to record their 18 year old daughter without her knowledge in her bedroom is beyond disturbing. what is the age of consent where you live? </s>
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AITA for refusing to let my step-brother open my presents?
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before i start i’ll give some context
my (16f) parents got divorced pretty recently and my dad already has a new girlfriend (sofia). im sure they were a thing before my parents divorced so i strongly dislike sofia. sofia has two kids, ainsley (7m) and sierra (4f). ainsley is one of the most spoiled brats you will ever meet while sierra is way more toned down.
now that the backstories mainly over here’s why i’m posting this
yesterday was my birthday and while i didn’t have a giant sweet 16 i had a bigger than average party with my friends and family. when the party started it was super fun, but ainsley quickly started his complaints. i blinked for a second and he was on the floor crying and having a tantrum because he noticed the gifts i was receiving over the day. sofia tried calming him down but he was too far gone. for some reason sofia decided i should let him open my gifts and most likely just have them knowing her.
sofia: “could he just open your gifts?”
me: “what?”
sofia: “it’ll calm him down!”
me: “he’ll just beg for the gifts and cry when he realizes he can’t keep them.”
sofia: “do you really need all those gifts anyway?”
at this point i was pretty pissed because people bought these for me not a bratty 7 year old. i stood by my choice and the night went on as you could hear ainsley sobbing like his entire family was just found dead. sofia quickly told her whole family about what happened and most of them are saying i’m ta, including my dad, but i don’t think i am.
aita?
| 4,925 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wpga3z/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_stepbrother_open_my/
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2022-08-16 00:55:05
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nta. that child is headed towards misery if his mom keeps this up. plain and simple. your gifts. you get to decide. she is not family nor is he your brother. if your dad can’t support you as his daughter, i would try to stay with your mom more if possible. also, i would have a stern conversation with your dad, sofia and your mom all in one setting, putting boundaries in place. does sofia live with you?
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definitely nta. sofia needs to be teaching her son he shouldn't be doing that, not giving in to every demand and tantrum.
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nta - they're your presents. bought by friends and family *for you*. they're just mad because they actually have to deal with the brat they created. (dad, dealingwith gf, and his gf dealing with monster she created).
opening up someone else's presents is rude and a ridiculous expectation. if you had said yes, you'd be the ah to the people who spent time and effort to pick you out a present.
honestly, tell dad and his gf to suck it and they're horrible people that ruined a milestone birthday for you.
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quick 1am update because so much just happened so quickly
after my last update i got sick of sofia’s calls and texts so i answered a call and asked her what she wanted, she was in a room with my dad and i believe sierra (her other sweeter kid). she quickly told me i needed to talk with her which i turned down because i was tired which just made her more angry. she told me if i came back to their apartment she wouldn’t be mad (which is a total lie) but i told her i had no way of getting there, my mom takes sleeping pills so she can’t drive and i don’t have a license yet. she told me if i didn’t figure it out she was coming down to my house and hung up so i got my mom and we called her again a few times before she finally answered
this is where she officially went absolutely crazy.
she said she was driving to our house with my dad and her kids and that we were going to figure something out. my mom let her know that if she came here she would be calling the cops which sofia just told her to call them. after 5 more minutes sofia pulled into our driveway like she was in nascar and grabbed her kids out. sierra was crying and ainsley looked upset too. she ran up to us (we were waiting outside for them) and got into my face yelling about how entitled i was etc. the entire time she was yelling i could hear sierra sobbing to her mom about how she was tired and just wanted to go home which absolutely broke my heart. my mom got in between us luckily and told sofia if she didn’t leave now she was calling the cops. sofia was bright red and just yelled “fine!” before she shoved the kids back into her car and sped off. the entire time my dad just sat in the car looking like he was contemplating his life. i’m finally back in my bed but i’m not sure if i can sleep after that.
sofia has something wrong with her i swear, none of her logic works in the slightest. by the way for everyone asking yes i did bring as much of my things to my moms and i don’t plan on visiting my dad for as long as sofia is with him.
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nta and btw he's your dad's girlfriend's son not your step brother you don't have to claim him or her for that matter. sorry your birthday got jacked up.
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just wanted to give a tiny update real fast
around an hour after i posted this and read some comments i decided to talk to my dad after sofia left for groceries so we could be alone. i told him how ridiculous what happened was and that if he didn’t do something i would be leaving to go to my moms, this incident is one of many but if i mentioned all of them this post would be a mile long lol, anyways he said that he wanted to wait for sofia to come home to talk but i refused because that girl can be crazy when she’s genuinely mad. i had my friend pick me up and drop me off at my moms. i’m pretty sure my dad told sofia what happened because i’ve gotten a lot of calls/texts from her but i’ve just been ignoring her
i’ll update again if anything interesting happens
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big big nta. your dad and stepmom however, major ah vibes here. a really basic tenet of the social contract is you don’t steal. your dad and stepmom have taught this child that he gets what he wants by throwing a tantrum. at least, that’s the surface perspective.
it could be that the 7yo is developmentally disabled and cannot self regulate. if that’s the case you are still nta and stepmom and dad should have taken him elsewhere during the party.
either way, your father and your stepmom are failing this child and they are failing you.
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nta, sofia needs to learn how to properly parent her son as it seems the only thing he learned from her is that crying will get him everything he wants. it is your birthday, your gifts. i would be more understanding if it was the 4yo crying but 7? no. he is old enough to understand what a no means.
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nta, they were your presents. like you said, ainsley couldn't keep them and that would start another fight. don't worry about sofia's family, they're biased (and likely contribute to ainsley's bratty behavior).
after everyone's calmed down, try talking with your father that you don't appreciate him wanting to give away your presents to ainsley, noting also that age has nothing to do with it as sierra was able to behave. if your dad suggests they weren't "for real" going to let ainsley have them, ask him why opening your presents was acceptable and how it wouldn't send a confusing message to sierra? will you be able to pick through your dad's gifts? sofia's? if not, then why would sierra be able to open yours?
as long as you weren't violent or super insulting, you're 110% in the clear.
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nta
sounds like sofia created a monster by trying to reward bad behavior with a gift.
throwing a tantrum doesn't get a reward.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: before i start i’ll give some context my (16f) parents got divorced pretty recently and my dad already has a new girlfriend (sofia). im sure they were a thing before my parents divorced so i strongly dislike sofia. sofia has two kids, ainsley (7m) and sierra (4f). ainsley is one of the most spoiled brats you will ever meet while sierra is way more toned down. now that the backstories mainly over here’s why i’m posting this yesterday was my birthday and while i didn’t have a giant sweet 16 i had a bigger than average party with my friends and family. when the party started it was super fun, but ainsley quickly started his complaints. i blinked for a second and he was on the floor crying and having a tantrum because he noticed the gifts i was receiving over the day. sofia tried calming him down but he was too far gone. for some reason sofia decided i should let him open my gifts and most likely just have them knowing her. sofia: “could he just open your gifts?” me: “what?” sofia: “it’ll calm him down!” me: “he’ll just beg for the gifts and cry when he realizes he can’t keep them.” sofia: “do you really need all those gifts anyway?” at this point i was pretty pissed because people bought these for me not a bratty 7 year old. i stood by my choice and the night went on as you could hear ainsley sobbing like his entire family was just found dead. sofia quickly told her whole family about what happened and most of them are saying i’m ta, including my dad, but i don’t think i am. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
before i start i’ll give some context my (16f) parents got divorced pretty recently and my dad already has a new girlfriend (sofia). im sure they were a thing before my parents divorced so i strongly dislike sofia. sofia has two kids, ainsley (7m) and sierra (4f). ainsley is one of the most spoiled brats you will ever meet while sierra is way more toned down. now that the backstories mainly over here’s why i’m posting this yesterday was my birthday and while i didn’t have a giant sweet 16 i had a bigger than average party with my friends and family. when the party started it was super fun, but ainsley quickly started his complaints. i blinked for a second and he was on the floor crying and having a tantrum because he noticed the gifts i was receiving over the day. sofia tried calming him down but he was too far gone. for some reason sofia decided i should let him open my gifts and most likely just have them knowing her. sofia: “could he just open your gifts?” me: “what?” sofia: “it’ll calm him down!” me: “he’ll just beg for the gifts and cry when he realizes he can’t keep them.” sofia: “do you really need all those gifts anyway?” at this point i was pretty pissed because people bought these for me not a bratty 7 year old. i stood by my choice and the night went on as you could hear ainsley sobbing like his entire family was just found dead. sofia quickly told her whole family about what happened and most of them are saying i’m ta, including my dad, but i don’t think i am. aita? [/INST] nta. that child is headed towards misery if his mom keeps this up. plain and simple. your gifts. you get to decide. she is not family nor is he your brother. if your dad can’t support you as his daughter, i would try to stay with your mom more if possible. also, i would have a stern conversation with your dad, sofia and your mom all in one setting, putting boundaries in place. does sofia live with you? </s>
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AITA for refusing to eat meat even at my wife's family Christmas celebration.
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i ate meat when i was kid , but at approximately 16-17 years i decided to not eat meat as i felt disgusted by this, also because my mom didn't eat meat.
i am a hindu i married a cristian, and cristians apparently eat meat on festivals too.
so now she wants me to eat meat once with her mom and dad on christmas.
as she said her parents would mind i talked with them and they were absolutely fine with me not eating non vegetarian food , they also agreed to cook me vegiterian food.
but my wife says i am an asshole for not compromising atleast one day,she says that it's not religious for me to not eat that means i can compromise if i wish to, but won't and this makes me stubborn.
also she says that as i don't eat meat, we don't make met at our home which is completely her fault, as i never prohibited her from doing it , just that i wouldn't eat it or touch it , i will help cooking though . she says that now she gets a chance to finally eat meat at her home and i am stealing it away from her .
so am i the asshole?
edit :
she refuses to eat meat in front of me or when she is with me because i am her husband. not completely sure of she haven't eaten meat at all after marriage
weird i know but indian women are wierd
it's her way of showing love apparently. i really appreciate it , so she isn't that much of a bully of manipulative person as some here assumed, it's her own way of loving someone.
she apparantly want " to be completely mine" if that makes any sense to you.
different but yeah love is amazing shown in anyway
we have a god called krishna, these behaviours are result of following that god. she is a devotee of krishna.
i am more of an atheist but yeah little bit of a hindu.
she is a mixed person, she believes in both jesus and krishna.
| 409 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kfp4sl/aita_for_refusing_to_eat_meat_even_at_my_wifes/
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2020-12-18 17:10:20
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nta
might be worth reiterating to her that you're totally fine with her eating meat at home, just in case it is a genuine misunderstanding.
but if not, your wife is really strange for being this upset at you.
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nta - no one is stopping her from eating meat on christmas.
at my family’s yearly christmas eve dinner (on pause due to covid), we have ham, blood sausage, and meat jelly. and we also have vegetarian lasagna as well as meatless side dishes because my cousin has been a vegetarian (except for shrimp) for 10 years.
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nta - that’s not a compromise. what is holder her back from eating meat? she doesn’t feel like buying it? she can eat it at her parents house without you eating it too. it’s odd that she’s putting such a strong restriction on herself when she absolutely doesn’t need to. i’m assuming you haven’t eaten meat since you were a teen, be aware that eating meat suddenly will make you sick.
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nta - your wife is being crazy. first thing....if you have been off meat that long and decide to eat it (good shot you will get sick and puke because your body doesn’t know how to digest it anymore). also, why can’t she eat meat and you not (i don’t get her hold up). being christian doesn’t make you eat meat, lots of christians don’t. she should respect your wishes. let her know it is not up for negotiation.
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nta for you not eating meat with your in-laws,
but, "she gets a chance to finally eat meat at her home and i am stealing it away from her", how are you keeping her from eating meat with her parents. if you are insisting that she remain vegetarian at this meal, them my judgement would change.
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nta- you’re not stopping her from doing anything but she’s tryna force meat on you. i have dated someone who also abstains from meat for religious purposes and i would have never asked him to do this. she’s being rude.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i ate meat when i was kid , but at approximately 16-17 years i decided to not eat meat as i felt disgusted by this, also because my mom didn't eat meat. i am a hindu i married a cristian, and cristians apparently eat meat on festivals too. so now she wants me to eat meat once with her mom and dad on christmas. as she said her parents would mind i talked with them and they were absolutely fine with me not eating non vegetarian food , they also agreed to cook me vegiterian food. but my wife says i am an asshole for not compromising atleast one day,she says that it's not religious for me to not eat that means i can compromise if i wish to, but won't and this makes me stubborn. also she says that as i don't eat meat, we don't make met at our home which is completely her fault, as i never prohibited her from doing it , just that i wouldn't eat it or touch it , i will help cooking though . she says that now she gets a chance to finally eat meat at her home and i am stealing it away from her . so am i the asshole? edit : she refuses to eat meat in front of me or when she is with me because i am her husband. not completely sure of she haven't eaten meat at all after marriage weird i know but indian women are wierd it's her way of showing love apparently. i really appreciate it , so she isn't that much of a bully of manipulative person as some here assumed, it's her own way of loving someone. she apparantly want " to be completely mine" if that makes any sense to you. different but yeah love is amazing shown in anyway we have a god called krishna, these behaviours are result of following that god. she is a devotee of krishna. i am more of an atheist but yeah little bit of a hindu. she is a mixed person, she believes in both jesus and krishna.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i ate meat when i was kid , but at approximately 16-17 years i decided to not eat meat as i felt disgusted by this, also because my mom didn't eat meat. i am a hindu i married a cristian, and cristians apparently eat meat on festivals too. so now she wants me to eat meat once with her mom and dad on christmas. as she said her parents would mind i talked with them and they were absolutely fine with me not eating non vegetarian food , they also agreed to cook me vegiterian food. but my wife says i am an asshole for not compromising atleast one day,she says that it's not religious for me to not eat that means i can compromise if i wish to, but won't and this makes me stubborn. also she says that as i don't eat meat, we don't make met at our home which is completely her fault, as i never prohibited her from doing it , just that i wouldn't eat it or touch it , i will help cooking though . she says that now she gets a chance to finally eat meat at her home and i am stealing it away from her . so am i the asshole? edit : she refuses to eat meat in front of me or when she is with me because i am her husband. not completely sure of she haven't eaten meat at all after marriage weird i know but indian women are wierd it's her way of showing love apparently. i really appreciate it , so she isn't that much of a bully of manipulative person as some here assumed, it's her own way of loving someone. she apparantly want " to be completely mine" if that makes any sense to you. different but yeah love is amazing shown in anyway we have a god called krishna, these behaviours are result of following that god. she is a devotee of krishna. i am more of an atheist but yeah little bit of a hindu. she is a mixed person, she believes in both jesus and krishna. [/INST] nta might be worth reiterating to her that you're totally fine with her eating meat at home, just in case it is a genuine misunderstanding. but if not, your wife is really strange for being this upset at you. </s>
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AITA for laughing when my SO shared a secret?
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last night, my gf shared a personal secret about her body. now, i have known about this "issue" and she has never been embarrassed about it. it is not a visible issue. however, last night was the first time that we sat together and googled it to see if anyone else has this "issue". turns out, it is pretty common. for some reason though, i could not stop laughing when reading. i think it was just the wording of everyone's questions/answers online mixed with exhaustion after work.
at first she was laughing, but after i couldn't stop laughing for a few minutes, she got embarrassed. i really wasn't laughing at her or her situation. i don't really know why i laughed - i could not stop. once i stopped, i apologized but by that point she was upset, embarrassed, and mad. she got up, made dinner, and we sat in silence. even this am, she was acting cold. she says she isn't mad, but something is still off. i am going to talk to her after work today and apologize again, but i just need an outsider's perspective. aita?
| 192 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d38lw0/aita_for_laughing_when_my_so_shared_a_secret/
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2019-09-12 14:21:48
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yta
>"she has never been embarrassed about it."
guess what??? she's going be embarrassed about it now. having a small chuckle is one thing, but carrying for minutes is called being an asshole.
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yta. i understand some people's reactions to surprising, or even stressful things, is to laugh. you know it's not appropriate and that you can easily hurt someone's feelings, especially when it's regarding someone sharing a "secret" about their body, which should already give you enough clues that they're self-conscious about it. excuse yourself and go regain composure in another room. anything. be a grownup.
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yta. when someone shares something private, they're vulnerable. that's a time to show support, not derision. laughing was not just insensitive, it indicated you found her embarrassment funny. hope it's a good apology.
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yta. sounds like you really hurt her. she shared something she felt vulnerable about, and you just kept laughing. i suspect she feels 100 times more vulnerable now and doesn’t trust you as much as before.
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yta. you didn't mean to laugh so much, sure, but you still laughed when your gf shared a secret and was vulnerable. not a great move.
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yta, but i say that with the knowledge that you couldn't really control yourself. it's only been one day, she's upset and embarrassed that you spent hours laughing at her.
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yta. you made her uncomfortable about her body even though that isn't what you were laughing at.
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yta.
you were both laughing at idiots on the internet. then she stopped and got visibily annoyed by your reaction. at this point you should have made an excuse to leave the room and get yourself under control. it went from laughing together to you laughing at her, even if that's not how you intended it.
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info: whats the issue?
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yta, yes. she shared something personal and you gave her the impression you were laughing at her situation/issue/whatever. even if that wasn't really the case, you still gave her that perception and you should have been more careful around the issue, knowing it was probably sensitive to her.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: last night, my gf shared a personal secret about her body. now, i have known about this "issue" and she has never been embarrassed about it. it is not a visible issue. however, last night was the first time that we sat together and googled it to see if anyone else has this "issue". turns out, it is pretty common. for some reason though, i could not stop laughing when reading. i think it was just the wording of everyone's questions/answers online mixed with exhaustion after work. at first she was laughing, but after i couldn't stop laughing for a few minutes, she got embarrassed. i really wasn't laughing at her or her situation. i don't really know why i laughed - i could not stop. once i stopped, i apologized but by that point she was upset, embarrassed, and mad. she got up, made dinner, and we sat in silence. even this am, she was acting cold. she says she isn't mad, but something is still off. i am going to talk to her after work today and apologize again, but i just need an outsider's perspective. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
last night, my gf shared a personal secret about her body. now, i have known about this "issue" and she has never been embarrassed about it. it is not a visible issue. however, last night was the first time that we sat together and googled it to see if anyone else has this "issue". turns out, it is pretty common. for some reason though, i could not stop laughing when reading. i think it was just the wording of everyone's questions/answers online mixed with exhaustion after work. at first she was laughing, but after i couldn't stop laughing for a few minutes, she got embarrassed. i really wasn't laughing at her or her situation. i don't really know why i laughed - i could not stop. once i stopped, i apologized but by that point she was upset, embarrassed, and mad. she got up, made dinner, and we sat in silence. even this am, she was acting cold. she says she isn't mad, but something is still off. i am going to talk to her after work today and apologize again, but i just need an outsider's perspective. aita? [/INST] yta >"she has never been embarrassed about it." guess what??? she's going be embarrassed about it now. having a small chuckle is one thing, but carrying for minutes is called being an asshole. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to store my wedding dress at my in laws house because MIL previously destroyed someone's wedding dress?
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this might sound dumb, but i can be a bit paranoid.
i'm getting married soon and i invited my mil wedding dress shopping as an olive branch. we don't have a great relationship, but there is some blame on both sides and some cultural differences we both could have handled better.
i found the dress but it is big and i mentioned not having room for it in my closet, and not really wanting it in the house because i don't want my fiancé to see. mil said she could keep it for me and i guess i made a face, because she asked about it and i was honest.
mil and fil were separated at some point (about 15 years ago) and he was engaged to another woman. mil was in their bedroom and he left her alone for a moment, and she apparently found the dress, and he says she put it on, she denies that part, and then she ripped it on purpose and took lipstick to it. for some reason he liked that and asked her to remarry him.
i was honest that that story was very off putting to me, and i just don't feel comfortable letting her have the dress, when i know she doesn't like me and isn't thrilled about the wedding, and i know she did that. mil got very upset and said i humiliated her in front of the bridal party and my mom, and called me "ridiculously judgmental"
fil called my fiancé and said i was bullying her for something she did years ago, that it was a "crime of passion" and she doesn't care about me enough to do something like that. my fiancé is on my side, so that's good, but i don't know if i handled it wrong.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p57ra7/aita_for_not_wanting_to_store_my_wedding_dress_at/
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2021-08-16 03:08:06
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nta. she asked, you were honest. if she didn't want an honest answer, she should've kept her mouth shut
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nta for not keeping it at your mils. you say you took her as an olive branch so there's already stuff going on between you and she might have another moment of passion when you tell her she cant have/do something.
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nta. that being a “crime of passion” does not make it better! that just means that mil lacks any sort of impulse control. you say you already know she doesn’t like you, so you aren’t losing much by upsetting her.
your wedding dress is a one-time purchase that you sunk a lot of cash into where if she has another “passion” attack you are going to be scrambling at the last minute to replace. go with your gut on this one, especially since your fiancée is on your side.
also, the argument that “she doesn’t care enough about you to do something like that” is not reassuring. if she really doesn’t care enough, then it shouldn’t bother her that you aren’t keeping the dress there.
i gotta admit, there seems to be a whole lot of crazy going on at your in-law’s house.
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nta. after reading some of the stories on here i would understand your paranoia. you already have enough to worry about regarding your wedding. just put a dark trash bag or plastic over the hanger if you don’t want your fiancé to see it.
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nta for not giving her the dress but man, haven’t you ever heard of white lies or changing the subject? if ever there was a time to not give the actual reason, this was it. “oh thank you but i don’t think i can stand to let it out of my sight!” or “that’s so sweet of you, let me try it out and if i can’t figure it out, i’ll get in touch”. and then you do whatever you would have done with the dress had she never offered. unforced error on your part here.
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nta. that's a whole lot of crazy going on there.
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this story has definitely been posted here before
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nta - that's some story...and i don't blame you for not wanting her to hold on to your dress. you don't know if she'll have another "crime of passion" and damage your dress out of spite.
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just a few questions…. if the in-laws were separated why was she in his house? why was she shown the then-new partner’s dress? why did he have to leave the room? why were they in a bedroom? why did she put another woman’s dress on?! how long was this guy away for?! don’t wedding dresses usually take assistance to put on? (what the f*ck)
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oh, tough one- you could have handled it more discreetly, for sure but nta for storing it somewhere else- perhaps one of your bridal party? or the shop that will be doing your alterations might be able to keep it for you until the fittings are complete?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this might sound dumb, but i can be a bit paranoid. i'm getting married soon and i invited my mil wedding dress shopping as an olive branch. we don't have a great relationship, but there is some blame on both sides and some cultural differences we both could have handled better. i found the dress but it is big and i mentioned not having room for it in my closet, and not really wanting it in the house because i don't want my fiancé to see. mil said she could keep it for me and i guess i made a face, because she asked about it and i was honest. mil and fil were separated at some point (about 15 years ago) and he was engaged to another woman. mil was in their bedroom and he left her alone for a moment, and she apparently found the dress, and he says she put it on, she denies that part, and then she ripped it on purpose and took lipstick to it. for some reason he liked that and asked her to remarry him. i was honest that that story was very off putting to me, and i just don't feel comfortable letting her have the dress, when i know she doesn't like me and isn't thrilled about the wedding, and i know she did that. mil got very upset and said i humiliated her in front of the bridal party and my mom, and called me "ridiculously judgmental" fil called my fiancé and said i was bullying her for something she did years ago, that it was a "crime of passion" and she doesn't care about me enough to do something like that. my fiancé is on my side, so that's good, but i don't know if i handled it wrong.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this might sound dumb, but i can be a bit paranoid. i'm getting married soon and i invited my mil wedding dress shopping as an olive branch. we don't have a great relationship, but there is some blame on both sides and some cultural differences we both could have handled better. i found the dress but it is big and i mentioned not having room for it in my closet, and not really wanting it in the house because i don't want my fiancé to see. mil said she could keep it for me and i guess i made a face, because she asked about it and i was honest. mil and fil were separated at some point (about 15 years ago) and he was engaged to another woman. mil was in their bedroom and he left her alone for a moment, and she apparently found the dress, and he says she put it on, she denies that part, and then she ripped it on purpose and took lipstick to it. for some reason he liked that and asked her to remarry him. i was honest that that story was very off putting to me, and i just don't feel comfortable letting her have the dress, when i know she doesn't like me and isn't thrilled about the wedding, and i know she did that. mil got very upset and said i humiliated her in front of the bridal party and my mom, and called me "ridiculously judgmental" fil called my fiancé and said i was bullying her for something she did years ago, that it was a "crime of passion" and she doesn't care about me enough to do something like that. my fiancé is on my side, so that's good, but i don't know if i handled it wrong. [/INST] nta. she asked, you were honest. if she didn't want an honest answer, she should've kept her mouth shut </s>
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AITA for not letting 12 year old SIL crash my wedding in pajamas?
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this happened a while ago, but i am trying to reflect on a lot of stuff that happened the family, so i need opinions.
mil was not invited to our wedding because she sucks. fil and both sils were invited. the 12 year old said she wasn't coming, because we aren't her family and she isn't going to play family without her mom. she screamed at me for trying to talk to her and said until we make up with mil don't talk to her.
fil told her that he was not going to pressure her to come, but then she found out that fil and some other family members were having a little family vacation after our wedding (we got married out of state) and she didn't want to miss out (mil was in mexico with friends) we were getting married at a rental house, and he asked if she could come but stay in the room during the wedding. that was fine.
sil ended up coming down 3/4 of the way through in pajamas because she was bored. fil was an emotional wreck at the wedding, sitting in a corner getting drunk (he never drinks) and calling mil every hour to tell her that he loves her and he is sorry he came. mil was out partying and giving him one word answers, and by the time sil came down he was drunk to the point he could barely speak.
sil was hanging out with her aunt and uncle, still wearing pajamas. i send dh over to ask her to leave. she did not have anything appropriate to change into and the wedding was close to over so she was told to go to her room. she did, but the uncle gave me a dirty look.
we ate breakfast with them in the morning, before we left for our honeymoon, and fil was on the phone with mil again, telling her that he shouldn't have come and he wishes he could go back in time and stay with her. mil was laying on a beach, looking annoyed. sil took the phone and told her about being asked to go to her room, and mil started screaming at me that i am a bitch and why am i bullying her child. she said she is just a kid and called me a freak for caring. dh finally took the phone and hung it up. we are currently planning to see them after four months of no contact (not because of this) and i just wanted to know if i was in the wrong.
| 3,156 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lepdif/aita_for_not_letting_12_year_old_sil_crash_my/
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2021-02-07 16:12:04
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nta because it's your wedding and asking her to at least be dressed nicer than pjs if she wants to come isn't a huge ask. that said, not sure how it really would have ruined anything to have her wandering around in her pjs, given her dad was already having a drunken meltdown in the corner and the wedding was almost over.
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nta. but maybe staying away from them all is a good idea but the family sounds like a fucking nightmare. you didn't bully a child, the adult in her life caused it.
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info - we need more details about this entire charade. why does mil suck? why was fil wasted when he never drinks? why are you mad at the 12-year-old child instead of all the adults?
the whole thing sounds like an epic shit show.
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esh except the kid, who i am really worried for. this 12 year old is a child. she's being brought up by a couple of maniacs in what is clearly an unsafe environment.
if her father was at your wedding and then going on a vacation and her mother was away in mexico she could hardly stay home by herself. perhaps it was just her best option. assuming she came because she 'didnt want to miss out' is likely unfair.
at your wedding she was alone unsupervised in a hotel. her only guardian was an irresponsible messy drunk.
you then stopped her from being with her aunt and uncle and made her go back to the hotel room alone.
i hate to think what her life is like and i can see that she is very vulnerable to bad things happening because her parents are so irresponsible. yes her mother is a psycho who screamed at you, yes her father is an asshole who was rude to you.
but i do think you were unnecessarily dickish to a child, and lacking compassion.
i know most people will disagree with me because weddings are sacred but the kid didnt burst in during the vows or anything like that. it would not have ruined your wedding. its the father who should be sent upstairs lol.
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i think deep down you know that yta and it wouldn’t have cost anything, or done any harm to have a 12 year old in pjs hanging out quietly as your wedding was winding down.
at the end of the day all the backstory isn’t that necessary, the 12 year old is being pushed and pulled around by all the adults in her life, she’s not done anything wrong really, she didn’t try and spoil anything or cause a scene, you were past the point of decorum, you had people sobbing in corners. a girl in pjs is minor compared to all that. she didn’t interrupt your ceremony or main reception. i can’t imagine caring about this, i wouldn’t call you a freak but i think it’s very bridezilla to focus on her attire so late in the day, at what sounds like a small informal wedding in a rental home.
i had a big formal wedding in a museum & my cousins kid came in a superhero costume & my cousin was all apologies (he had a little suit on underneath and she thought she’d be able to convince him to take it off but he was being so stubborn) but i think me in my dress with a little superhero is the cutest, looking back not everyone dressed to the dress code but i was just grateful that they could be there. i didn’t even notice, i was just filled with the happiness of the day. i later realised two women had worn white, didn’t cross my mind at all.
you obviously have big issues with your in laws and who could blame you, your mil sounds like a nightmare, but your sil is a kid. a kid who loves her mom and her brother and her dad and doesn’t know what’s what. a little kindness to her wouldn’t have gone amiss.
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info. why on earth would you have contact again with that bunch of self obsessed arsewipes?
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nta. they kinda ruined your wedding.
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can we just talk about how this happened at 1am like ofc the child's in her jammies it's the middle of the night ! she probs wanted to sleep but gave up and came to see what was up. yta for expecting her to wear normal clothes just to go downstairs at 1 am oh and for not doing anything about your fil drunkenly grovelling in the corner cause trust me that was what really messed up the wedding
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info: tell us more about the setting. this was the reception after the wedding right? what time was it & how many non-family guests were still there? was it in the hotel lobby?
did you tell your stepsister she had to go and change if she wanted to join in, or did you just tell her she had to leave?
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yta it’s almost over and she was a 12 yr old child. what’s with people and their fairy tale picture perfect wedding desires ? ffs
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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ESH
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YTA
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INFO
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NTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
| 0.71206 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this happened a while ago, but i am trying to reflect on a lot of stuff that happened the family, so i need opinions. mil was not invited to our wedding because she sucks. fil and both sils were invited. the 12 year old said she wasn't coming, because we aren't her family and she isn't going to play family without her mom. she screamed at me for trying to talk to her and said until we make up with mil don't talk to her. fil told her that he was not going to pressure her to come, but then she found out that fil and some other family members were having a little family vacation after our wedding (we got married out of state) and she didn't want to miss out (mil was in mexico with friends) we were getting married at a rental house, and he asked if she could come but stay in the room during the wedding. that was fine. sil ended up coming down 3/4 of the way through in pajamas because she was bored. fil was an emotional wreck at the wedding, sitting in a corner getting drunk (he never drinks) and calling mil every hour to tell her that he loves her and he is sorry he came. mil was out partying and giving him one word answers, and by the time sil came down he was drunk to the point he could barely speak. sil was hanging out with her aunt and uncle, still wearing pajamas. i send dh over to ask her to leave. she did not have anything appropriate to change into and the wedding was close to over so she was told to go to her room. she did, but the uncle gave me a dirty look. we ate breakfast with them in the morning, before we left for our honeymoon, and fil was on the phone with mil again, telling her that he shouldn't have come and he wishes he could go back in time and stay with her. mil was laying on a beach, looking annoyed. sil took the phone and told her about being asked to go to her room, and mil started screaming at me that i am a bitch and why am i bullying her child. she said she is just a kid and called me a freak for caring. dh finally took the phone and hung it up. we are currently planning to see them after four months of no contact (not because of this) and i just wanted to know if i was in the wrong.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this happened a while ago, but i am trying to reflect on a lot of stuff that happened the family, so i need opinions. mil was not invited to our wedding because she sucks. fil and both sils were invited. the 12 year old said she wasn't coming, because we aren't her family and she isn't going to play family without her mom. she screamed at me for trying to talk to her and said until we make up with mil don't talk to her. fil told her that he was not going to pressure her to come, but then she found out that fil and some other family members were having a little family vacation after our wedding (we got married out of state) and she didn't want to miss out (mil was in mexico with friends) we were getting married at a rental house, and he asked if she could come but stay in the room during the wedding. that was fine. sil ended up coming down 3/4 of the way through in pajamas because she was bored. fil was an emotional wreck at the wedding, sitting in a corner getting drunk (he never drinks) and calling mil every hour to tell her that he loves her and he is sorry he came. mil was out partying and giving him one word answers, and by the time sil came down he was drunk to the point he could barely speak. sil was hanging out with her aunt and uncle, still wearing pajamas. i send dh over to ask her to leave. she did not have anything appropriate to change into and the wedding was close to over so she was told to go to her room. she did, but the uncle gave me a dirty look. we ate breakfast with them in the morning, before we left for our honeymoon, and fil was on the phone with mil again, telling her that he shouldn't have come and he wishes he could go back in time and stay with her. mil was laying on a beach, looking annoyed. sil took the phone and told her about being asked to go to her room, and mil started screaming at me that i am a bitch and why am i bullying her child. she said she is just a kid and called me a freak for caring. dh finally took the phone and hung it up. we are currently planning to see them after four months of no contact (not because of this) and i just wanted to know if i was in the wrong. [/INST] nta because it's your wedding and asking her to at least be dressed nicer than pjs if she wants to come isn't a huge ask. that said, not sure how it really would have ruined anything to have her wandering around in her pjs, given her dad was already having a drunken meltdown in the corner and the wedding was almost over. </s>
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AITA for barring my mother in law from my husbands funeral?
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my husband passed away 10 years ago at 27 from a motor vehicle accident.
at the time of his death, he had not spoken to his mother or step father in 4 years. by his account, he never intended to speak with them again and didn’t want our children around them, communicating with them, receiving gifts or cards, nothing. he had a whole story made up that he planned on telling the kids when they asked about his parents, about how sometimes there are bad people etc. they were abusive to him growing up (not to mention raging bigots), there was always tension between them. at the time i met him, he wasn’t close to his parents at all, barely spoke, saw them once a year if that, but no drama as neither side invested that much effort in the relationship.
the final falling out had a lot to do with me. his mother was very overbearing and disrespectful to me while i was pregnant with our first child. my husband tried to put a handle on it, her reaction to him trying to establish boundaries is what killed the relationship. his mother refused to acknowledge or modify her behavior, to the point that she seemed psychotic. his step father joined in my spewing hateful words to my husband. he cut them off and we never looked back. the decision to end all communication was his and he took it seriously, he sent a cease and desist to her at one point when she kept sending packages to our house.
after the accident, his mother reached out to me trying to basically plan the funeral. i told her that she would neither have a hand in planning the funeral or be in attendance. i told them they could have their own service if they felt so inclined, but they wouldn’t be at the one i was having for him. my brother told them both that they would be removed if they were to show up. she tried demanding some of his remains which i refused.
our babies were only 3 and 1 at the time of his death. my decision about his parents attending was based on the fact that he himself said they were dead to him, and he never wanted them to be around his own children. my babies were at their fathers funeral, i didn’t want two strangers to all of us there.
my now 13 year old daughter asks a lot of questions about her dad, naturally. she just recently learned that she has another grandmother who she hasn’t met, she had a lot of questions. the subject of his funeral came up last night. she learned that i did not allow her dads mother to attend last night. she is very angry with me and told me i should have put my own feelings aside. i tried explaining that i did it to honor her dad. she slammed her bedroom door, yelled some things at the door, i heard the words immature and petty several times.
at the time, i was certain i made the right call. now, 10 years later, i can see why my daughter feels that way. aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b2zoy6/aita_for_barring_my_mother_in_law_from_my/
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2019-03-19 16:44:02
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nta, your daughter doesn't understand what a justnomil is and why we need to cut toxic people from our lives. she probably feels a gap with not having her father and doesn't understand why one would exclude family that could fill the gap.
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nah. you were following your husband's wishes of not having the children in contact with his parents. from the account you've given of their past behavior, i can understand your husbands point of view. i also see why your daughter is acting this way.
she hasn't met this side of the family ever and hasn't dealt with any of the prior behavior. she thought that the funeral may have been a "neutral zone" where everyone could pay respects. i do agree that it was petty though to not allow his mom to have any of the remains for her own ceremony. in the end though, i feel you made the right decision and i think this will come to pass in time.
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nta
your 13 year old does not yet understand the gravity of the situation and thus cant judge you for it. i think you did the right thing.
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nta. oh my god you are nta. if his mom is truly that bad then she does not deserve to be in attendance. im sure your daughter will realise this.
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nah - i totally understand why you did it. i can also understand her point of view. i can also understand your mother in law.
funerals are for the living to grieve, not the dead. it’s a shitty situation though, and i can’t think of an easy solution for anyone involved
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nah. your daughter, understandably having not been there, doesn't fully understand the context, but you absolutely did the right thing. i think/hope that over time, as you tell her about what they were like, she will grow to understand and appreciate why you did what you did.
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nah. i agree that you should have honored your husband's wishes given how they treated him and you. i also can see why your daughter feels like she does: her father has passed away and her paternal grandparents are a link to him. i'm guessing she probably thinks grandparents are awesome, and doesn't know about their whole backstory of abuse/controlling behavior.
there's something to be said for setting aside the past and moving on. if your fmil was interested in doing so after your husband passed away, that might've been a good opportunity. but i don't think you have to do that.
i think you are probably going to need to fill your daughter in on some of the details to get her to come around to your thinking. ultimately, though, she might want a relationship with them anyway.
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nah except for the mil and stepfather in law of course.
i would be concerned, given your daughter’s overreaction, that she may be in contact with someone in your husband’s family and they are influencing her. of course, she may just be a teenager having to grieve the death of her father before she really got to know him. children have to grieve in stages since their brain development is staggered. she naturally understands death differently now than as a young child.
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nta (you and your daughter are fine, your in-laws are not). your daughter is thirteen and doesn't know what a bullet she missed out on and doesn't appreciate how complicated things were between her dad and his parents.
my dad had an atrocious stepmom we were kept away from, and we were slowly fed the truth over the course of our childhoods. it did require several talks about how she'd neglected my dad and my uncle, which wasn't comfortable for either of us, but eventually we understood. this is going to take a lot of talking and explaining, and it's not abnormal that your daughter is mourning a relationship she could never have had.
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nah
normally, i'd say that decisions should be made for the living, and that the parents should be able to get closure despite the deceased wishes.
but
>they were abusive to him growing up
to be honest this changes a lot for me. i don't in-depth know what was going on between them.
but abusive parents, in my eyes, lose any rights they had.
>he cut them off and we never looked back. the decision to end all communication was his and he took it seriously
i think it's also important to note that there was no communication for 3 (?) years before his death.
therefore his wish wasn't based on a recent (stupid) fight nor a hasty action.
so i don't consider it to be an asshole-move to do as your deceased husband asked, and therefore not letting his abusive parents attend the funeral.
however, it's natural for them to want to and ask. and since we're not judging your deceased husband's past, they're neither the asshole.
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.022045 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband passed away 10 years ago at 27 from a motor vehicle accident. at the time of his death, he had not spoken to his mother or step father in 4 years. by his account, he never intended to speak with them again and didn’t want our children around them, communicating with them, receiving gifts or cards, nothing. he had a whole story made up that he planned on telling the kids when they asked about his parents, about how sometimes there are bad people etc. they were abusive to him growing up (not to mention raging bigots), there was always tension between them. at the time i met him, he wasn’t close to his parents at all, barely spoke, saw them once a year if that, but no drama as neither side invested that much effort in the relationship. the final falling out had a lot to do with me. his mother was very overbearing and disrespectful to me while i was pregnant with our first child. my husband tried to put a handle on it, her reaction to him trying to establish boundaries is what killed the relationship. his mother refused to acknowledge or modify her behavior, to the point that she seemed psychotic. his step father joined in my spewing hateful words to my husband. he cut them off and we never looked back. the decision to end all communication was his and he took it seriously, he sent a cease and desist to her at one point when she kept sending packages to our house. after the accident, his mother reached out to me trying to basically plan the funeral. i told her that she would neither have a hand in planning the funeral or be in attendance. i told them they could have their own service if they felt so inclined, but they wouldn’t be at the one i was having for him. my brother told them both that they would be removed if they were to show up. she tried demanding some of his remains which i refused. our babies were only 3 and 1 at the time of his death. my decision about his parents attending was based on the fact that he himself said they were dead to him, and he never wanted them to be around his own children. my babies were at their fathers funeral, i didn’t want two strangers to all of us there. my now 13 year old daughter asks a lot of questions about her dad, naturally. she just recently learned that she has another grandmother who she hasn’t met, she had a lot of questions. the subject of his funeral came up last night. she learned that i did not allow her dads mother to attend last night. she is very angry with me and told me i should have put my own feelings aside. i tried explaining that i did it to honor her dad. she slammed her bedroom door, yelled some things at the door, i heard the words immature and petty several times. at the time, i was certain i made the right call. now, 10 years later, i can see why my daughter feels that way. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband passed away 10 years ago at 27 from a motor vehicle accident. at the time of his death, he had not spoken to his mother or step father in 4 years. by his account, he never intended to speak with them again and didn’t want our children around them, communicating with them, receiving gifts or cards, nothing. he had a whole story made up that he planned on telling the kids when they asked about his parents, about how sometimes there are bad people etc. they were abusive to him growing up (not to mention raging bigots), there was always tension between them. at the time i met him, he wasn’t close to his parents at all, barely spoke, saw them once a year if that, but no drama as neither side invested that much effort in the relationship. the final falling out had a lot to do with me. his mother was very overbearing and disrespectful to me while i was pregnant with our first child. my husband tried to put a handle on it, her reaction to him trying to establish boundaries is what killed the relationship. his mother refused to acknowledge or modify her behavior, to the point that she seemed psychotic. his step father joined in my spewing hateful words to my husband. he cut them off and we never looked back. the decision to end all communication was his and he took it seriously, he sent a cease and desist to her at one point when she kept sending packages to our house. after the accident, his mother reached out to me trying to basically plan the funeral. i told her that she would neither have a hand in planning the funeral or be in attendance. i told them they could have their own service if they felt so inclined, but they wouldn’t be at the one i was having for him. my brother told them both that they would be removed if they were to show up. she tried demanding some of his remains which i refused. our babies were only 3 and 1 at the time of his death. my decision about his parents attending was based on the fact that he himself said they were dead to him, and he never wanted them to be around his own children. my babies were at their fathers funeral, i didn’t want two strangers to all of us there. my now 13 year old daughter asks a lot of questions about her dad, naturally. she just recently learned that she has another grandmother who she hasn’t met, she had a lot of questions. the subject of his funeral came up last night. she learned that i did not allow her dads mother to attend last night. she is very angry with me and told me i should have put my own feelings aside. i tried explaining that i did it to honor her dad. she slammed her bedroom door, yelled some things at the door, i heard the words immature and petty several times. at the time, i was certain i made the right call. now, 10 years later, i can see why my daughter feels that way. aita? [/INST] nta, your daughter doesn't understand what a justnomil is and why we need to cut toxic people from our lives. she probably feels a gap with not having her father and doesn't understand why one would exclude family that could fill the gap. </s>
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AITA for not going into work even though we’re understaffed?
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so i work at a pizza place, i don’t want to drop names but it’s a chain exclusive to indiana. we are severely understaffed, there’s only 3 of us pizza makers, 2 of us being in high school and one in college. we all have tight schedules. i have always been on time, cover everyone’s shifts, and stay extra to make sure everything is finished. i am a high schooler and honestly it’s probably illegal how much overtime i work.
i recently got a better paying job + some other things factored in and i decided to put my two weeks in. i have about a week left as of when i wrote this.
i have became fed up with how much extra i do for this place and yet i get nothing back. i had to close christmas eve because i was the only pizza maker scheduled for the entire week, and then the next week i was scheduled to close new year’s eve and new year’s day even though the other two were definitely available and worked earlier shifts those days. i find it unreasonable i had to close all three days.
so on new year’s day i called off and lied and said i had a family emergency. in reality i went and spent some time with my boyfriends family. i haven’t been able to be with anyone during the holidays since work has been in the way.
today the owner of the place called me 3 time back to back begging me to come in. one of which was from his personal phone which he isn’t even legally allowed to contact me from, but that’s another story. today is the first saturday i’ve probably ever even had off and i was sick of covering shifts so i told him i was out of town. this yet again was a lie, i could have come in if i really wanted to. he told me the other two pizza makers where unable to come in, and today is a saturday so we’re veryyyy busy.
i later get a text from my other manager (who can legally contact me via personal phones lol) telling me that not being there is ruining the store. i apologized to her, but i don’t feel like i’m in the wrong. i just don’t care enough anymore, and i’m sick of giving my all to make pizzas at a minimum wage job. aita for flaking out during my last weeks?
| 665 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kp6ghq/aita_for_not_going_into_work_even_though_were/
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2021-01-02 21:44:07
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nta. you're not in the wrong. if they were concerned about their business, they'd raise wages, hire more people, and try to provide an environment that people want to work at. trying to blame you for their garbage management is beyond shitty, and if that's how they run their business, then their business deserves to fail.
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mostly nta with a little esh - your managers are selfish idiots who need to hire more people. they have clearly taken advantage of your reliability and have burnt you out. this isn't your business to keep afloat. what are they going to do in a week when you've left??you're not the asshole for not covering other people's shifts last minute. that's on them to figure out. you are the asshole (a bit) for new year's day. you should have said something when they were making the schedule or when it first came out. you already have another job, so there was nothing for you to lose by doing it. it's important to learn to stand up for yourself in any work place, but what you did was passive aggressive and a bit immature. i get why you did it, but just something to think about as you move into the new job.
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the owner or the manager have three choices: work those shifts themselves, hire more staff so the place runs properly, or close when they don’t have staff. this is on them. you are being overworked for minimum wage and don’t need to feel guilty for it. don’t set yourself on fire to keep them warm.
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nta. if anything is “ruining the store,” it’s their own mismanagement of staffing/resource levels and scheduling. that’s *not* your fault, and *not* your problem to solve.
and next time, don’t lie. you’re not doing anything wrong by simply having time off, and lying isn’t necessary regardless. either don’t answer the phone, or tell them “no, i’m not available.” no more, no less. then politely hang up. they aren’t entitled to personal details of your life, and you aren’t required to supply them with the opportunity to badger or guilt trip you.
besides, the worst thing they’re empowered to do is fire you, and you’re leaving in a week anyway, right?
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nta
you had the day off. it's the manager's responsibility to do the work if no one is available.
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nta, it's not your responsibility to keep the business afloat. plus, you giving 2 weeks notice is a courtesy, you can nope out at any time if you choose. now, is it shitty to do that? yes, but it's completely up to you dude.
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nta!!!!!! lack of planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on your part. they know the stores severely under-staffed, and they're doing nothing about it. it's their problem, not yours.
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nta. it's not your responsibility to keep the business running. you're not the pizza king. if you're not scheduled to work on saturday then that's that. spend the day doing whatever you want, read a book, go on a hike or hot box in your car. you can't hold the world on your shoulders like a greek's god.
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nta
their understaffing is not your fault, and covering for it not your responsibility
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nta. classic example of business owners overworking and underpaying minimum wage workers. you weren’t obligated to go above showing up for your shifts and doing your job. you have the right to dictate how many hours per week you want to work; they can’t force you to do overtime. but perhaps next time you need to stick up for yourself and tell them in advance that you want a particular holiday off. it’s not professional to call off on a holiday.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i work at a pizza place, i don’t want to drop names but it’s a chain exclusive to indiana. we are severely understaffed, there’s only 3 of us pizza makers, 2 of us being in high school and one in college. we all have tight schedules. i have always been on time, cover everyone’s shifts, and stay extra to make sure everything is finished. i am a high schooler and honestly it’s probably illegal how much overtime i work. i recently got a better paying job + some other things factored in and i decided to put my two weeks in. i have about a week left as of when i wrote this. i have became fed up with how much extra i do for this place and yet i get nothing back. i had to close christmas eve because i was the only pizza maker scheduled for the entire week, and then the next week i was scheduled to close new year’s eve and new year’s day even though the other two were definitely available and worked earlier shifts those days. i find it unreasonable i had to close all three days. so on new year’s day i called off and lied and said i had a family emergency. in reality i went and spent some time with my boyfriends family. i haven’t been able to be with anyone during the holidays since work has been in the way. today the owner of the place called me 3 time back to back begging me to come in. one of which was from his personal phone which he isn’t even legally allowed to contact me from, but that’s another story. today is the first saturday i’ve probably ever even had off and i was sick of covering shifts so i told him i was out of town. this yet again was a lie, i could have come in if i really wanted to. he told me the other two pizza makers where unable to come in, and today is a saturday so we’re veryyyy busy. i later get a text from my other manager (who can legally contact me via personal phones lol) telling me that not being there is ruining the store. i apologized to her, but i don’t feel like i’m in the wrong. i just don’t care enough anymore, and i’m sick of giving my all to make pizzas at a minimum wage job. aita for flaking out during my last weeks?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i work at a pizza place, i don’t want to drop names but it’s a chain exclusive to indiana. we are severely understaffed, there’s only 3 of us pizza makers, 2 of us being in high school and one in college. we all have tight schedules. i have always been on time, cover everyone’s shifts, and stay extra to make sure everything is finished. i am a high schooler and honestly it’s probably illegal how much overtime i work. i recently got a better paying job + some other things factored in and i decided to put my two weeks in. i have about a week left as of when i wrote this. i have became fed up with how much extra i do for this place and yet i get nothing back. i had to close christmas eve because i was the only pizza maker scheduled for the entire week, and then the next week i was scheduled to close new year’s eve and new year’s day even though the other two were definitely available and worked earlier shifts those days. i find it unreasonable i had to close all three days. so on new year’s day i called off and lied and said i had a family emergency. in reality i went and spent some time with my boyfriends family. i haven’t been able to be with anyone during the holidays since work has been in the way. today the owner of the place called me 3 time back to back begging me to come in. one of which was from his personal phone which he isn’t even legally allowed to contact me from, but that’s another story. today is the first saturday i’ve probably ever even had off and i was sick of covering shifts so i told him i was out of town. this yet again was a lie, i could have come in if i really wanted to. he told me the other two pizza makers where unable to come in, and today is a saturday so we’re veryyyy busy. i later get a text from my other manager (who can legally contact me via personal phones lol) telling me that not being there is ruining the store. i apologized to her, but i don’t feel like i’m in the wrong. i just don’t care enough anymore, and i’m sick of giving my all to make pizzas at a minimum wage job. aita for flaking out during my last weeks? [/INST] nta. you're not in the wrong. if they were concerned about their business, they'd raise wages, hire more people, and try to provide an environment that people want to work at. trying to blame you for their garbage management is beyond shitty, and if that's how they run their business, then their business deserves to fail. </s>
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AITA for telling my friends 4 year old the anatomically correct term for genitalia?
| 611 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pm8gcc/aita_for_telling_my_friends_4_year_old_the/
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2021-09-11 14:31:04
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nta, you answered honestly! and it’s actually highly advised that children know the correct terminology for their body parts as a safeguarding practice.
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nta, at all. you answered in a correct, brief and straightforward way and redirected. it's the perfect textbook way to handle a situation like that.
it's actually damaging to use pet names for genitalia with kids.
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/8-reasons-not-to-call-your-childs-genitals-pet-names_b_58743186e4b0eb9e49bfbec3
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nta there's been cases where molestation isn't taken seriously because the kids don't know the right words, and it's not like you taught her about sex or got graphic.
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nta. using anatomically correct terminology is the right way to talk to children about bodies. the words are not inherently dirty, they simply describe body parts. using euphemisms invites the idea that some body parts are shameful. it is also detrimental when trying to teach consent to children.
if your friend didn’t say “we don’t name body parts in this household” then you have done nothing wrong. your friend needs to lighten up.
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>my friend was mad i didn’t use a different term that’s more kid friendly.
teaching kids that things about their genitals are secret and never should be discussed unless with codenames you decide on with an adult is basically doing a child-molesters work for them.
i fail to understand how proper clinical terms aren't "kid friendly". kids have penises and vaginas too. using weird kidsy words for them does nothing to protect them of anything.
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nta, body part names are not dirty words. you know what’s not kid-friendly? using made up words when kids are learning basic information.
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nta
what were you supposed to say? boys have a magic wand and girls have a flower? cause that’s what my cousin told her kids and there was a huge confusion, although very funny, at day care when the assistant teacher got flower from her boyfriend and my little cousin asked if she got them from inside her pants because they were pretty and she wanted to know how to get the flowers out of her pants so she could have some too.
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nta. as much as the words aren’t always deemed “kid friendly”, it’s the correct terminology. i always think back to the story of the little girl who was being abused by her uncle and told her teachers that her uncle kept touching her cookie. took them a while to find out what was really going on because they didn’t think anything of it. at the same time, it’s the parents responsibility, but you did nothing wrong.
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nta - using proper terminology for body parts and treating the 4 year old like a human being was absolutely the right thing to do.
my children both were always taught the anatomical words for body parts. i hate when i hear boys going "my wee wee!" or something equally as ridiculous. it's a p*nis. call it what it is.
if the mother didn't want her daughter exposed to something like that, she shouldn't have let her daughter watch you change your son. kids are naturally inquisitive, and we should embrace that and not shelter them from things we as adults feel is "icky", because being ashamed of body parts and giving them nicknames to make them "okay" is not healthy.
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nta. what is more kid friendly than using the correct terms? how can someone know to take a kid seriously that is trying to report abuse when all she says is that her uncle touched her cookie? i personally feel it is an extreme disservice to kids to not use correct terminology for private parts.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta, you answered honestly! and it’s actually highly advised that children know the correct terminology for their body parts as a safeguarding practice. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to teach my kid about Santa?
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with the holidays coming up everyone is asking my daughter about what santa is going to bring her whatnot and i typically reply with we don’t do santa in this house and i always get an extremely shocked “what! why?” and after explaining my many reasons like not bribing my child to behave so a magic man will bring her stuff, i work very hard for my money and what i can get for her and i don’t want her to think these things just magically appear, it’s completely unfair to some children who might have gotten socks or some shit from santa while others get big fancy gifts and it all ends up making children feel like they weren’t good enough or something, and the whole santa thing is just a lie that might be fun sometimes but seems pretty exhausting. after this i usually get told that i’m taking the magic/fun out of christmas, and i’m an asshole 🤷♀️
| 685 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e2jd0o/aita_for_not_wanting_to_teach_my_kid_about_santa/
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2019-11-27 17:28:07
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nta. you are allowed to celebrate the holiday however you see fit. it is not their place to determine what is best for your child. however, i have a good alternative that we use in my home:
we tell our children they are receiving gifts from both santa and ourselves. generally, the ones from santa are socks/clothes/necessary items. then we give the 'big' items as from us. this way, those who are less fortunate can relate to our child's gifts from santa and our child realizes the big items were from us.
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nah. as a kid, i felt like shit when other kids said santa brought them a wii and i didn't get one even when i asked for one.
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nta. you don't have to get your kid to believe in santa if you don't want to. you are still celebrating christmas with her and getting her presents.
that said i feel like you make way to big a deal out of the whole "santa is a lie" thing.
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this ones a really tricky one for me, you do have the right to teach your kid whatever you want, but you should expect to face some social backlash for it. other parents, teachers, etc. will assume you will “do santa” because it’s normative to, and your kid will eventually ask you why santa goes to so many other kids’ houses and not yours.
i think it really depends on how you handle that conversation, and your motivations. the “i work hard for my money” and “it’s exhausting” thing doesn’t sit super well with me, that’s kind of a selfish reason not to do it. i’m going to say yta because your intentions seem more about you than lessons you want to reach your daughter.
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nah. you’re allowed to celebrate the holidays however you want, and i don’t think not doing santa would make you a bad parent or anything. that being said, you seem a little aggressively anti-santa that it’s a bit off putting.
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nta for not teaching about santa, but you do sound like you need to lighten up and let your kid enjoy her childhood.
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perhaps it's a cultural thing, but i can't really relate with some of the stuff mentioned.
i never took the bad-good kids thing serious as a child, because santa came across so nice and cheerful. i didn't seem him as a potential punishing figure and songs and verses i didn't take literal. i think it was partly due to, again, it was never sung or recited with a serious, foreboding tone. it was all smiles and tradition. i guess it also helped that it never emphasized by anyone to me that santa would punish naughty children, beyond an obvious joke.
i also don't recall really comparing santa presents with other kids or vice versa. not even within family. it might be mentioned a present or a few presents they got if it came up, but it was not a "let's name all our presents" or "who got the best". and santa would always get me things i liked or would possibly have an interest in. how big or how many things there were didn't matter. but i also didn't have a grip on money or the value of things.
but real life santa's in person did nothing for me. i still have a photo where i was almost crying while getting off his lap.
as kid i really didn't give it that much thought as adults give it.
now i might say something unpopular. i feel that for you op, it is more about what you want for yourself. i don't think believing in santa is essential, but it was for me a fun, imaginative experience. a bit disney like, i suppose.
it also takes place in just a small frame of time within a whole year. the believe in santa generally also doesn't survive for that long; maybe until they are 6. after that, they will know it's their family who bought it all this time. and even if they don't believe early on and you brought them gifts, they could potentially still compare it with others and think that santa/other parents) got those kids better gifts.
i also don't think that a young child will really look at the presents and go, "mom/dad has worked very hard for the money to get these gifts for me" and truly understand it beyond parroting what the adults have told them.
perhaps you could give it your own twist; something about that long ago you told santa that you wanted to buy your own kids gifts because you really like to do that for your daughter and he thinks that is a great idea because it brings you so much joy.
i am more a fan of letting kids just experience the kids stuff. the magical harry potter like believe is something you can only experience and enjoy as a kid after all. it shouldn't always be about what feels good or is convenient to the adults. but at the same time, you're the parent and it is your kid. your child will miss out on an experience, but i don't think it is that important either.
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nta
let me give you a nice idea.
you can teach her about the real historical figure st nicholas. and tell her that he did exist in the past, and some people believe this and that about him but you don't.
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nta i think santa’s a nice tradition but you gotta do it right. we never wrote lists to santa - he just knew - we would write lists to my parents. santa mainly did stockings so we’d get candy pjs and other fun things. all the bigger gifts were from my parents. i’m 20 now and all my siblings are older too but we still do santa, we all know, but in our family santa’s real and i really enjoy that it adds magic to this dreary world.
certainly don’t do it but you might have some difficult convos with your kid when they get to an age where all the kids around them believe in santa and why they get gifts from him and not her. even if you explain it to her.
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nta - my kids are 14,12 & 6. we have never done santa, easter bunny or tooth fairy. i have gotten those same horrified looks from strangers and rude comments from family as well. at first i used to explain. i don't anymore. when they ask why, i just say, because we don't. don't waste your time trying to explain your parenting choices to people that don't matter.
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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YTA
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NAH
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.06929 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: with the holidays coming up everyone is asking my daughter about what santa is going to bring her whatnot and i typically reply with we don’t do santa in this house and i always get an extremely shocked “what! why?” and after explaining my many reasons like not bribing my child to behave so a magic man will bring her stuff, i work very hard for my money and what i can get for her and i don’t want her to think these things just magically appear, it’s completely unfair to some children who might have gotten socks or some shit from santa while others get big fancy gifts and it all ends up making children feel like they weren’t good enough or something, and the whole santa thing is just a lie that might be fun sometimes but seems pretty exhausting. after this i usually get told that i’m taking the magic/fun out of christmas, and i’m an asshole 🤷♀️
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
with the holidays coming up everyone is asking my daughter about what santa is going to bring her whatnot and i typically reply with we don’t do santa in this house and i always get an extremely shocked “what! why?” and after explaining my many reasons like not bribing my child to behave so a magic man will bring her stuff, i work very hard for my money and what i can get for her and i don’t want her to think these things just magically appear, it’s completely unfair to some children who might have gotten socks or some shit from santa while others get big fancy gifts and it all ends up making children feel like they weren’t good enough or something, and the whole santa thing is just a lie that might be fun sometimes but seems pretty exhausting. after this i usually get told that i’m taking the magic/fun out of christmas, and i’m an asshole 🤷♀️ [/INST] nta. you are allowed to celebrate the holiday however you see fit. it is not their place to determine what is best for your child. however, i have a good alternative that we use in my home: we tell our children they are receiving gifts from both santa and ourselves. generally, the ones from santa are socks/clothes/necessary items. then we give the 'big' items as from us. this way, those who are less fortunate can relate to our child's gifts from santa and our child realizes the big items were from us. </s>
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AITA for unintentionally stopping birthday celebrations at my workplace?
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i(31m) have been working at a company for the past 4 years. i'm part of a team that includes around nine people. our team leader is a great guy who insists on celebrating everyone's birthday, and he usually pays for them from his own pocket (he rarely ever attends the celebration himself). now there are two issues with this: 1. i'm not really close to my co-workers, and therefore, i don't feel like staying back after work to spend time with them on my birthday. 2. i'm a vegetarian, and usually at these parties (even if it is my birthday), 1 or 2 vegetarian dishes are ordered and everything else has some kind of meat in it. i always leave the restaurant hungry.
so yesterday was my birthday and i told my boss i was leaving early as i had plans with my family (which i did) but also because i wanted to leave before i got dragged to a celebration i did not want and was only happening because someone else was paying for it. he asked me if something was wrong because he noticed i do this every year (unsuccessfully), and he wouldn't let me leave until i gave him an answer, so i decided to be honest with him. he said he understood and let me leave.
today i got a lot of texts from my coworkers who told me that after i left, our boss announced that he was going to put a stop to these celebrations and everyone put two and two together, obviously (and rightfully) blaming me.
if i'm being honest, i'm glad i don't have to force myself to attend these events anymore, but i do feel bad that because of me, no one else gets to enjoy them either. i really couldn't see any way out of it.
aita for having them stopped? more so cause i don't actually feel bad about it?
| 359 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xt3fl0/aita_for_unintentionally_stopping_birthday/
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2022-10-01 19:06:13
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nta. you’re birthday time belongs to you, that was so obnoxious. let him throw a party during work hours.
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nta. if your boss wants to do something where everyone needs to attend, do it during work hours. when you're off the clock, that's your time to do with as you see fit. your boss ultimately isn't ta either because it seems like he's trying to do something good for the team, he just took it too far in trying to keep you out of an uncomfortable situation. your coworkers are the ultimate assholes here, as your boss' decision isn't your fault
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wow, your boss really hung you out to dry by making that announcement on your birthday. was he deliberately making you the scapegoat so he could shed the responsibility of time and expense he'd put on himself? or is he just insensitive to how that would play out within the team? either way, booooo boss.
it wasn't your choice to stop the celebrations, you simply opted out of your own.
nta
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nta
if the birthday celebrations are that important to your coworkers, then they can still go out and celebrate the birthdays of those who want to participate after the work day ends. the only difference is that the boss won’t be covering the tab.
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this was posted last month. getting a lot of things posted twice lately. some change it a tiny bit some are verbatim. this one is verbatim.
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nta
maybe you weren't the first person that he seemed reluctant to join these celebrations, but you were the first that had the guts to tell him the truth.
it's enough if he realized this makes you (and possibly few others) uncomfortable, so he used this moment to put an end to it.
usually office birthdays are casual and they happen during office-hours. the bday person brings something (candy/cake/pizza etc - there really is no rule to it), and everyone hangs out for 15-20 minutes. hopefully you're heading this way.
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nta. this feels similar to alcoholics who don’t attend company happy hours at the bar. you put in your time at work and do your job. you simply elect not to partake in after work festivities and that’s totally your right. the fact that he decided to end all celebrations sounds like a bruised ego
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nta. i'm not sure what your boss' reasoning was, but this is not on you. you are allowed to set boundaries on how you want to celebrate your own birthday. if your coworkers are that upset, they can appeal to the boss
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legend. nta. i have a boss that lile to do the same thing. i hate it. i see these people more than my own family do you think i'd hang out with them when i'm not getting paid to do so? he'll no. i peace out of every work thing that is after work hours.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(31m) have been working at a company for the past 4 years. i'm part of a team that includes around nine people. our team leader is a great guy who insists on celebrating everyone's birthday, and he usually pays for them from his own pocket (he rarely ever attends the celebration himself). now there are two issues with this: 1. i'm not really close to my co-workers, and therefore, i don't feel like staying back after work to spend time with them on my birthday. 2. i'm a vegetarian, and usually at these parties (even if it is my birthday), 1 or 2 vegetarian dishes are ordered and everything else has some kind of meat in it. i always leave the restaurant hungry. so yesterday was my birthday and i told my boss i was leaving early as i had plans with my family (which i did) but also because i wanted to leave before i got dragged to a celebration i did not want and was only happening because someone else was paying for it. he asked me if something was wrong because he noticed i do this every year (unsuccessfully), and he wouldn't let me leave until i gave him an answer, so i decided to be honest with him. he said he understood and let me leave. today i got a lot of texts from my coworkers who told me that after i left, our boss announced that he was going to put a stop to these celebrations and everyone put two and two together, obviously (and rightfully) blaming me. if i'm being honest, i'm glad i don't have to force myself to attend these events anymore, but i do feel bad that because of me, no one else gets to enjoy them either. i really couldn't see any way out of it. aita for having them stopped? more so cause i don't actually feel bad about it?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i(31m) have been working at a company for the past 4 years. i'm part of a team that includes around nine people. our team leader is a great guy who insists on celebrating everyone's birthday, and he usually pays for them from his own pocket (he rarely ever attends the celebration himself). now there are two issues with this: 1. i'm not really close to my co-workers, and therefore, i don't feel like staying back after work to spend time with them on my birthday. 2. i'm a vegetarian, and usually at these parties (even if it is my birthday), 1 or 2 vegetarian dishes are ordered and everything else has some kind of meat in it. i always leave the restaurant hungry. so yesterday was my birthday and i told my boss i was leaving early as i had plans with my family (which i did) but also because i wanted to leave before i got dragged to a celebration i did not want and was only happening because someone else was paying for it. he asked me if something was wrong because he noticed i do this every year (unsuccessfully), and he wouldn't let me leave until i gave him an answer, so i decided to be honest with him. he said he understood and let me leave. today i got a lot of texts from my coworkers who told me that after i left, our boss announced that he was going to put a stop to these celebrations and everyone put two and two together, obviously (and rightfully) blaming me. if i'm being honest, i'm glad i don't have to force myself to attend these events anymore, but i do feel bad that because of me, no one else gets to enjoy them either. i really couldn't see any way out of it. aita for having them stopped? more so cause i don't actually feel bad about it? [/INST] nta. you’re birthday time belongs to you, that was so obnoxious. let him throw a party during work hours. </s>
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AITA For criticizing my MIL's life choices and telling my wife her mom can't live with us long-term
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my wife (36f) and i (37m) have been married for 10 years and have 2 kids (7 & 4). my mil (62f) has been separated from her husband (wife's stepdad) for about 2 years. as far as i know, there have been no moves towards divorce, she's just not living with him anymore. she doesn't have a place of her own so she kind of just moves from one family member to another every few weeks or months. she's stayed with us a handful of times, her longest stay being almost 2 months.
my wife and kids enjoy having mil there because she spoils our kids and they enjoy grandma time. me however, i hate it. i don't like people in my space. it's the same way with my own family when they visit. a long weekend is fine. but anything longer than a week and i want you out of my house asap, i don't care who you are. so mil's extended stays wear me extremely thin.
i've talked with my wife about this because she notices changes in my behavior when mil is visiting. i have less patience, my stress level increases, i withdraw from family time and instead find ways to spend time alone much more often. i've explained how much i dislike having mil stay with us, but my wife makes excuses that mil is going through a hard time with her marriage and that she feels like a burden on family so that's why she moves from place to place.
the other day my wife mentioned that mil asked about coming to stay with us again soon. i had a less-than enthusiastic response. i asked how long mil intends to stay and my wife didn't have an answer. i asked how long her family is going to tolerate mil being a nomad and being a burden on everyone else and my wife got pissed.
she told me her mom is not a burden and that she is just going through a hard time. i told her that she's been separated from sd for 2-years and has spent that entire time moving from place to place, not working, not making any effort towards building a life for herself, and constantly expecting other people to put up with it. i told her i'm tired of it and i don't want her to stay with us because i'm worried that one of these times mil won't leave and we'll be the ones stuck supporting her.
my wife got mad at me and told me it's not my place to criticize mil's life because i've never walked a mile in her shoes. she told me that no one else in her family has a problem with what mil is doing and that i'm the only one in our house who has a problem with it. i told her that if no one else in her family has a problem with it, then mil can stay with someone else for as long as she wants, but i don't want her here.
my wife said she and our kids like having mil at our house and that since i am the only one who has a problem with it, i am going to have to learn to live with it because it's short-term and there has never been any discussion about mil living with us permanently. she told me i'm being a jerk to be so harsh on mil and that i need to be more understanding in case i ever need help from family like mil currently does.
| 944 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wm01m0/aita_for_criticizing_my_mils_life_choices_and/
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2022-08-11 19:32:28
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nta. your wife is prioritizing your mil over you in your home. does your mil help to pay the bills at the places she is staying? does she help pay for extra food/water/electricity? if no, she’s using you guys hidden behind the word “family.” if this was a much more dire situation where she was kicked out with no time to search for a job, i would say you are the asshole, but your mil has been out of her home for two years, plenty of time to search for a job, and a new place to live.
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nta. it's awful when a partner just expects their so to 'deal' with the consequences of a decision they made unilaterally. this is not what family does.
is there a way to stay someplace for a couple of weeks/month while your mil 'visits'? it may put things into perspective for your wife so she starts taking into consideration your wellbeing, needs, and wants in this relationship.
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nta
the say about guests smelling after three days is true. it's your family house and a guest is always disrupting, because you can't do many things you usually do... idk, like wandering around the house in boxers. besides, being your mil, she would probably intrude in many aspects, like children education or even you and your wife discussions.
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nta. your wife and her siblings need to put an end to this cycle and get her divorced and settled either in her own place or with one of her kids (not your wife).
it sounds like this is unlikely though, so i think you need to set a boundary that any future stays can only last 1 week.
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nta- and it's like this.. it's not my place to judge until i'm the one bearing the burden. i tell wife, yes, she is a burden and you've admitted that she knows it by saying that's why she moves around. i am simply agreeing with her, but i'm telling you that it severely affects me and i'm asking you to acknowledge that. by refusing to do that you are creating a tension in our home and marriage. if you choose to allow something that i am firmly against, then this is no longer a partnership. so where does that leave us?
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nta - for the first 6 months this was understandable, especially if she was married a long time. two years? nope.
could you and your wife sit down with her, calmly, and just ask her what her long term plans are? she can't be happy with no place to call her own. does she think she and hubby are getting back together or divorcing?
i understand you wife's feelings, that's her mom, but this has gone on too long.
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nta, mainly because i'm side-eyeing the fact that no one has thought let's get mil an apartment. i'm assuming that this lady is my grandma's age and while i would love to help out from time to time, she's been a nomad for 2 years. like someone needs to get her an apartment or something because i wouldnt want someone who is presumably my grandma's age to keep doing this with no change. i would get pretty tired of this too.
now onto you, i'd say nta because you have discussed this with your wife before. and unfortunately for her, this isnt a "just deal with it" situation. you live in this house too, so proper discussion concerning mil's stay should be talked about when you have a problem with it. and again, why has no one talked about having mil have her own place? just think of the luggage she has to move constantly because she doesnt stay longterm anyway.
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nta. i saw another wise reddit commenter that once said, in cases like these it should require 2 people for a yes, but only 1 for a no. it’s not fair that you are repeatedly feeling uncomfortable in your home. you did not agree to repeatedly house your mil for indefinite periods of time, and you’re right, it’s ridiculous that there has been two years of this. it’s a pretty sweet deal for mil, she’s essentially on vacation all the time: no job, no bills, all family and grandkids. but that’s not fair or kind and if it’s a burden on you, it doesn’t matter if it’s not a burden on your wife of kids (also if it impacts your engagement with your family and your mood, it obviously does impact them also).
i think you need to have a much more serious conversation about boundaries here with your wife. i hope you can find a resolution or a compromise, and that you will consider an outside mediator like a counselor if you can’t come to that between just the two of you.
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nta- i really like my mil and i'd not want her there for 2 months either. and 2 years is a long time to be couch surfing around family. i'd set it in place that your boundary is no more then one week every 4 months. gives abit of compromise . thing is your wife isnt seeing this like you do, she was raised by her mom so knows what it's like and its familiar to her. how would she tolerate your mom staying 2 months solid and she gets no say in it at all.
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this is the kind of prolonged conflict that is hard to resolve and warrants therapy. nta for expressing your feelings in an adult and reasonable manner, and for needing boundaries. at a minimum start out by seeing if you can get your wife to compromise to no more than a week for any visit, and at least 3 months between visits. meanwhile, do you have a garage where you can build a small apartment?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife (36f) and i (37m) have been married for 10 years and have 2 kids (7 & 4). my mil (62f) has been separated from her husband (wife's stepdad) for about 2 years. as far as i know, there have been no moves towards divorce, she's just not living with him anymore. she doesn't have a place of her own so she kind of just moves from one family member to another every few weeks or months. she's stayed with us a handful of times, her longest stay being almost 2 months. my wife and kids enjoy having mil there because she spoils our kids and they enjoy grandma time. me however, i hate it. i don't like people in my space. it's the same way with my own family when they visit. a long weekend is fine. but anything longer than a week and i want you out of my house asap, i don't care who you are. so mil's extended stays wear me extremely thin. i've talked with my wife about this because she notices changes in my behavior when mil is visiting. i have less patience, my stress level increases, i withdraw from family time and instead find ways to spend time alone much more often. i've explained how much i dislike having mil stay with us, but my wife makes excuses that mil is going through a hard time with her marriage and that she feels like a burden on family so that's why she moves from place to place. the other day my wife mentioned that mil asked about coming to stay with us again soon. i had a less-than enthusiastic response. i asked how long mil intends to stay and my wife didn't have an answer. i asked how long her family is going to tolerate mil being a nomad and being a burden on everyone else and my wife got pissed. she told me her mom is not a burden and that she is just going through a hard time. i told her that she's been separated from sd for 2-years and has spent that entire time moving from place to place, not working, not making any effort towards building a life for herself, and constantly expecting other people to put up with it. i told her i'm tired of it and i don't want her to stay with us because i'm worried that one of these times mil won't leave and we'll be the ones stuck supporting her. my wife got mad at me and told me it's not my place to criticize mil's life because i've never walked a mile in her shoes. she told me that no one else in her family has a problem with what mil is doing and that i'm the only one in our house who has a problem with it. i told her that if no one else in her family has a problem with it, then mil can stay with someone else for as long as she wants, but i don't want her here. my wife said she and our kids like having mil at our house and that since i am the only one who has a problem with it, i am going to have to learn to live with it because it's short-term and there has never been any discussion about mil living with us permanently. she told me i'm being a jerk to be so harsh on mil and that i need to be more understanding in case i ever need help from family like mil currently does.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife (36f) and i (37m) have been married for 10 years and have 2 kids (7 & 4). my mil (62f) has been separated from her husband (wife's stepdad) for about 2 years. as far as i know, there have been no moves towards divorce, she's just not living with him anymore. she doesn't have a place of her own so she kind of just moves from one family member to another every few weeks or months. she's stayed with us a handful of times, her longest stay being almost 2 months. my wife and kids enjoy having mil there because she spoils our kids and they enjoy grandma time. me however, i hate it. i don't like people in my space. it's the same way with my own family when they visit. a long weekend is fine. but anything longer than a week and i want you out of my house asap, i don't care who you are. so mil's extended stays wear me extremely thin. i've talked with my wife about this because she notices changes in my behavior when mil is visiting. i have less patience, my stress level increases, i withdraw from family time and instead find ways to spend time alone much more often. i've explained how much i dislike having mil stay with us, but my wife makes excuses that mil is going through a hard time with her marriage and that she feels like a burden on family so that's why she moves from place to place. the other day my wife mentioned that mil asked about coming to stay with us again soon. i had a less-than enthusiastic response. i asked how long mil intends to stay and my wife didn't have an answer. i asked how long her family is going to tolerate mil being a nomad and being a burden on everyone else and my wife got pissed. she told me her mom is not a burden and that she is just going through a hard time. i told her that she's been separated from sd for 2-years and has spent that entire time moving from place to place, not working, not making any effort towards building a life for herself, and constantly expecting other people to put up with it. i told her i'm tired of it and i don't want her to stay with us because i'm worried that one of these times mil won't leave and we'll be the ones stuck supporting her. my wife got mad at me and told me it's not my place to criticize mil's life because i've never walked a mile in her shoes. she told me that no one else in her family has a problem with what mil is doing and that i'm the only one in our house who has a problem with it. i told her that if no one else in her family has a problem with it, then mil can stay with someone else for as long as she wants, but i don't want her here. my wife said she and our kids like having mil at our house and that since i am the only one who has a problem with it, i am going to have to learn to live with it because it's short-term and there has never been any discussion about mil living with us permanently. she told me i'm being a jerk to be so harsh on mil and that i need to be more understanding in case i ever need help from family like mil currently does. [/INST] nta. your wife is prioritizing your mil over you in your home. does your mil help to pay the bills at the places she is staying? does she help pay for extra food/water/electricity? if no, she’s using you guys hidden behind the word “family.” if this was a much more dire situation where she was kicked out with no time to search for a job, i would say you are the asshole, but your mil has been out of her home for two years, plenty of time to search for a job, and a new place to live. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife her friends need to stop coming over so much?
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for the past few years my wife has had her friends over our house almost daily between 5pm to midnight or later, and if they aren’t here she’s on the phone with them. i have known most of them for 20 years so i don’t dislike them or mind company being over occasionally/weekends, but now that we are in our early 40s i feel we need to focus mainly on the kids, us and the future. i see my friends rarely because they are all like me; they have wives, kids, jobs, and are being entrepreneurs so we don’t have hours to sit and chill like we used to. i don’t remember the last time me and my 2 best friends from college were all together and the last ufc fight was the first time i have been out anywhere since july.
now to be fair, before we had the last 2 kids we did a lot of entertaining at our house because it is quite large and in our late 20s and early 30s we were the only homeowners. but unlike her friends we are married and have 4 under 18, 2 who are under 6. last year i took a promotion that pays more money, but now i don’t get off until midnight. we both work from home, but the issue has been the house schedule and dinner/bath/homework/bedtime being used as her personal entertainment window. i get off work, and i’m looking at two small children who are wide awake plus an 11 year old. now i’m not in my office hiding from house duties like a useless tv husband. i do most of the cooking, the grocery runs, i clean up, etc.
the last time i said something to her along the lines of “maybe we need to focus on the nighttime routine and stop having drinks on the porch/deck till 1am” i was told “you’re trying to isolate me.” 😳 come again? my wife has been out with her friends regularly, even overnight as recently as 2 weeks ago when one came to town. last time i was gone overnight was 4 years ago when i sold an out of state rental property. i got left with 2 little kids, my oldest went to the grandparents. one of my friends called me and said he was invited out with them and when i didn’t appear he felt weird for even being there and left. how is she “isolated?” am i the asshole for saying to her that the nightly routine is more important than drinking casamigos every day, watching social media videos and talking about people and events? that maybe we need to focus on getting another income stream since we are about to add a third child to the private school and activities bill so we are not slaving through our 50s while welcoming grandkids and having to work all though our 60s to retire comfortably? does that make me an asshole?
| 1,326 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mdz7db/aita_for_telling_my_wife_her_friends_need_to_stop/
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2021-03-26 21:42:55
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nta partying until midnight every night is something a college kid does, not a 40-something mom of 4. isolating her would be telling her no more friends over, ever. you're asking her to scale back and focus more on her family.
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nta. years of daily visitors from 5-midnight and you have kids? that’s insupportable....don’t let her give you the ‘you’re trying to isolate me’ routine. not even close.
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thank fuck you are there for your kids. they have homework and their own lives, they don't need random 40 something women drinking on the porch for 6+ hours a night while their dad works extremely hard. what the hell!! that is neglect!!
huge nta and if your wife does not fold she needs counselling because she clearly wants to be young again or something. she is acting like some 16 year olds i know.
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nta. this may be better on r/relationshipadvice (i have a feeling something is fishy)
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nta: those children deserve better.
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nta
but i think you know that already. it sounds like you guys are not on the same page. or like not even the same book at this point
i know therapy gets tossed around a lot in this sub but it really sounds like you and your wife could benefit from some real conversations and perhaps an outside perspective
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she's too old for this type of behavior. you say goodbye to partying when you decide to start a family. i don't know, i can see going out on saturday nights if she's arranged a babysitter but on the weekdays that type of thing really interferes with a child's routine. part of me deep down wonders if she's having an affair or looking to have one. take care of your kids as it does not sound like they are being looked after the way they should be. nta
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nta so is she an alcoholic and they all enable each other’s alcoholism behind the guise of “socializing”? seems like it. she is running from her own life whilst still being in the same house. i am heartbroken for your children and yourself op. i think marriage counselling is non negotiable or you will be divorced soon.
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nta - your wife sounds like she just wants to party and now you're the bad guy for bringing her back down to earth. of course we'd all love to party and shirk responsibilities, but this is the kind of attitude i'd expect from one of your kids, not their mother.
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nta. i feel bad for your kids, their stuck in the middle.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for the past few years my wife has had her friends over our house almost daily between 5pm to midnight or later, and if they aren’t here she’s on the phone with them. i have known most of them for 20 years so i don’t dislike them or mind company being over occasionally/weekends, but now that we are in our early 40s i feel we need to focus mainly on the kids, us and the future. i see my friends rarely because they are all like me; they have wives, kids, jobs, and are being entrepreneurs so we don’t have hours to sit and chill like we used to. i don’t remember the last time me and my 2 best friends from college were all together and the last ufc fight was the first time i have been out anywhere since july. now to be fair, before we had the last 2 kids we did a lot of entertaining at our house because it is quite large and in our late 20s and early 30s we were the only homeowners. but unlike her friends we are married and have 4 under 18, 2 who are under 6. last year i took a promotion that pays more money, but now i don’t get off until midnight. we both work from home, but the issue has been the house schedule and dinner/bath/homework/bedtime being used as her personal entertainment window. i get off work, and i’m looking at two small children who are wide awake plus an 11 year old. now i’m not in my office hiding from house duties like a useless tv husband. i do most of the cooking, the grocery runs, i clean up, etc. the last time i said something to her along the lines of “maybe we need to focus on the nighttime routine and stop having drinks on the porch/deck till 1am” i was told “you’re trying to isolate me.” 😳 come again? my wife has been out with her friends regularly, even overnight as recently as 2 weeks ago when one came to town. last time i was gone overnight was 4 years ago when i sold an out of state rental property. i got left with 2 little kids, my oldest went to the grandparents. one of my friends called me and said he was invited out with them and when i didn’t appear he felt weird for even being there and left. how is she “isolated?” am i the asshole for saying to her that the nightly routine is more important than drinking casamigos every day, watching social media videos and talking about people and events? that maybe we need to focus on getting another income stream since we are about to add a third child to the private school and activities bill so we are not slaving through our 50s while welcoming grandkids and having to work all though our 60s to retire comfortably? does that make me an asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for the past few years my wife has had her friends over our house almost daily between 5pm to midnight or later, and if they aren’t here she’s on the phone with them. i have known most of them for 20 years so i don’t dislike them or mind company being over occasionally/weekends, but now that we are in our early 40s i feel we need to focus mainly on the kids, us and the future. i see my friends rarely because they are all like me; they have wives, kids, jobs, and are being entrepreneurs so we don’t have hours to sit and chill like we used to. i don’t remember the last time me and my 2 best friends from college were all together and the last ufc fight was the first time i have been out anywhere since july. now to be fair, before we had the last 2 kids we did a lot of entertaining at our house because it is quite large and in our late 20s and early 30s we were the only homeowners. but unlike her friends we are married and have 4 under 18, 2 who are under 6. last year i took a promotion that pays more money, but now i don’t get off until midnight. we both work from home, but the issue has been the house schedule and dinner/bath/homework/bedtime being used as her personal entertainment window. i get off work, and i’m looking at two small children who are wide awake plus an 11 year old. now i’m not in my office hiding from house duties like a useless tv husband. i do most of the cooking, the grocery runs, i clean up, etc. the last time i said something to her along the lines of “maybe we need to focus on the nighttime routine and stop having drinks on the porch/deck till 1am” i was told “you’re trying to isolate me.” 😳 come again? my wife has been out with her friends regularly, even overnight as recently as 2 weeks ago when one came to town. last time i was gone overnight was 4 years ago when i sold an out of state rental property. i got left with 2 little kids, my oldest went to the grandparents. one of my friends called me and said he was invited out with them and when i didn’t appear he felt weird for even being there and left. how is she “isolated?” am i the asshole for saying to her that the nightly routine is more important than drinking casamigos every day, watching social media videos and talking about people and events? that maybe we need to focus on getting another income stream since we are about to add a third child to the private school and activities bill so we are not slaving through our 50s while welcoming grandkids and having to work all though our 60s to retire comfortably? does that make me an asshole? [/INST] nta partying until midnight every night is something a college kid does, not a 40-something mom of 4. isolating her would be telling her no more friends over, ever. you're asking her to scale back and focus more on her family. </s>
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AITA for saying it’s not my problem if my step siblings has a sad christmas this year?
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my (19) parents divorced 3 years ago. my mom remarried soon after to her husband who has 5 kids (7, 10, 12, 15, and 18). i have 3 biological siblings, (10, 13, and 15). my siblings spend more time with my dad because there’s a lot more room and less chaos.
anyways, my mom and her husband has been really tight on money since moving in together and because of that they can never afford to buy the kids presents for their birthdays and christmas. last year, my dad spoiled my siblings and bought a ton of gifts and when they went back to my mom’s house my step siblings were upset that they didn’t get the same things.
the same thing with birthdays, my dad got me a car when i turned 18 and my step brother (18 but was 17 at the time) was pissed off when i wouldn’t let him use it. anyways, my dad took my siblings to a late back to school shopping since my mom couldn’t afford to take them and i later drove them back to my moms house.
the same thing happened, the other kids were mad (even though my mom took them back to school shopping already) and my mom got pissed off etc etc the usual. my mom later pulled me aside and asked since i’m making more money now if i could pitch in with christmas gifts as it’s lookin like they won’t have enough saved up for 5 kids in time. i told told her i straight up was not pitching in. she got pissed and said they’ll have a sad christmas this year by seeing my siblings get all good/expensive gifts because they won’t get the same. i said no again and them having a sad christmas was not my problem. she called me heartless and selfish for only thinking of myself. aita here?
| 3,699 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q7py4y/aita_for_saying_its_not_my_problem_if_my_step/
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2021-10-14 02:00:17
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nta. you didn’t decide to get divorced and make a family with 9 kids you cannot adequately provide for to your liking. christmas gifts are nice but it’s not food or shelter.
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nta they're her kids not yours. sounds like your bio siblings have to start keeping all their nice stuff at your father's place to prevent stepkids from complaining or destroying/stealing out of jealousy. or perhaps get you, your siblings, and your dad together to revisit the custody plan, if your mom won't stop pestering you for money.
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nta. it's not fair of your mom to ask you to support her step children. she made the decision to marry a man with 5 kids. it is on them to provided for their children not the other way around. i would suggest advising your bio siblings to keep the gifts your dad gives them at his place. if your mom feels comfortable asking you to use your money to help buy her step kids presents i wouldn't put it past her to try to guilt your younger siblings into giving away the things your dad buys them to their step siblings.
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nta
but keep your dad’s gifts to yourself. don’t remind the step family you are getting nice stuff
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nta your mom and step dad are doing a banged up job at this, and where are the step siblings grandparents, or even their mother. i feel like this dude is bootleg future, all the kids none of the funds.
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nta you are 19 and did nothing to create this situation. this is not your problem to solve.
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nta
i think it would be kind for you to get your step-siblings each a small gift, which is clearly from you. it would probably mean a great deal to them. however, it's not your responsibility to cover your mom & stepdad's expenses.
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i would say nta it’s just a super uncomfortable situation. you shouldn’t have to buy your step siblings gifts for your mom and step dad. you also shouldn’t feel bad because your dad got you things and theirs isn’t. that’s kinda life someone else has something i wish i had so i’m upset that i don’t have those things.
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nta. your mom’s behavior is appalling to expect you & your siblings to supplement step siblings gifts. i feel bad for your step siblings as it is unfair for them to see you & your siblings get better gifts and no one chooses the circumstances that they’re born into.
how is the living situation otherwise for your siblings? i can’t imagine that it is great for them. can they opt to live with your dad more and just visit your mom and leave their nice stuff at your dad’s?
this is the reason that big families went out of style as people realized that it was easier to provide for small families.
also, what about the child tax credit that went into effect this year? in theory your parents should be able to use that to provide a better xmas.
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nta. they are not your kids. they are not even your siblings. you barely know them. this is the responsibility of your mom and her husband
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (19) parents divorced 3 years ago. my mom remarried soon after to her husband who has 5 kids (7, 10, 12, 15, and 18). i have 3 biological siblings, (10, 13, and 15). my siblings spend more time with my dad because there’s a lot more room and less chaos. anyways, my mom and her husband has been really tight on money since moving in together and because of that they can never afford to buy the kids presents for their birthdays and christmas. last year, my dad spoiled my siblings and bought a ton of gifts and when they went back to my mom’s house my step siblings were upset that they didn’t get the same things. the same thing with birthdays, my dad got me a car when i turned 18 and my step brother (18 but was 17 at the time) was pissed off when i wouldn’t let him use it. anyways, my dad took my siblings to a late back to school shopping since my mom couldn’t afford to take them and i later drove them back to my moms house. the same thing happened, the other kids were mad (even though my mom took them back to school shopping already) and my mom got pissed off etc etc the usual. my mom later pulled me aside and asked since i’m making more money now if i could pitch in with christmas gifts as it’s lookin like they won’t have enough saved up for 5 kids in time. i told told her i straight up was not pitching in. she got pissed and said they’ll have a sad christmas this year by seeing my siblings get all good/expensive gifts because they won’t get the same. i said no again and them having a sad christmas was not my problem. she called me heartless and selfish for only thinking of myself. aita here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (19) parents divorced 3 years ago. my mom remarried soon after to her husband who has 5 kids (7, 10, 12, 15, and 18). i have 3 biological siblings, (10, 13, and 15). my siblings spend more time with my dad because there’s a lot more room and less chaos. anyways, my mom and her husband has been really tight on money since moving in together and because of that they can never afford to buy the kids presents for their birthdays and christmas. last year, my dad spoiled my siblings and bought a ton of gifts and when they went back to my mom’s house my step siblings were upset that they didn’t get the same things. the same thing with birthdays, my dad got me a car when i turned 18 and my step brother (18 but was 17 at the time) was pissed off when i wouldn’t let him use it. anyways, my dad took my siblings to a late back to school shopping since my mom couldn’t afford to take them and i later drove them back to my moms house. the same thing happened, the other kids were mad (even though my mom took them back to school shopping already) and my mom got pissed off etc etc the usual. my mom later pulled me aside and asked since i’m making more money now if i could pitch in with christmas gifts as it’s lookin like they won’t have enough saved up for 5 kids in time. i told told her i straight up was not pitching in. she got pissed and said they’ll have a sad christmas this year by seeing my siblings get all good/expensive gifts because they won’t get the same. i said no again and them having a sad christmas was not my problem. she called me heartless and selfish for only thinking of myself. aita here? [/INST] nta. you didn’t decide to get divorced and make a family with 9 kids you cannot adequately provide for to your liking. christmas gifts are nice but it’s not food or shelter. </s>
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AITA for being annoyed at my girlfriend following her reaction to me not having a full erection during a long period of foreplay?
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hey,
my recent girlfriend of 2 months was round last night. we had already had sex twice (just mentioning as i also think this contributed to what i’m about to explain) it was late, and i decided to go down on her. to begin with when we were kissing and i started giving her head i was fully hard. thing is, i was giving her head for about 20 minutes, and i was lying down so my body weight was on my penis also. now i was really enjoying it and really aroused, but after that length of time and the fact my penis wasn’t being touched and it was essentially squashed between myself and the bed, it wasn’t the ripe old police truncheon it was 20 minutes before. it was just semi-erect. like i was clearly turned on but it just needed a tiny bit of attention etc before penetration.
i thought that was reasonably normal, i didn’t think it means i have erectile dysfunction or anything. i mean any other time we have sex i don’t have any problems.
what the issue was, is the way she reacted. when i came up and kissed her, she grabbed my penis and saw it wasn’t fully erect. then she just kind of slapped me gently and rolled over in a mood like “never mind then you’re not even hard”. i told her i was turned on i was just down there for a while, and it’d be fine after some foreplay. but she said i was selfish and basically left and slept on the sofa.
today i’ve been in a foul mood because honestly it just upset me, like i feel like maybe my dick just isn’t working right. she said it should just be hard.
so basically my question is, although i have a suspicion that i’m not an asshole in this situation, i still wanted to get second opinions; am i an asshole for not keeping an erection in that situation? or rather, is it normal or should i actually be concerned about ed? and lastly, am i wrong for being in a mood with her and telling her i’m upset about it?
sorry this is a bit crude. thanks anyway.
| 1,039 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b9aqs5/aita_for_being_annoyed_at_my_girlfriend_following/
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2019-04-04 09:52:09
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nta
how in the hell are you selfish?!? you went down on her for 20 minutes, and made sure to put her pleasure first.
no, you don't need to be worried about ed, without stimulation it is normal to go soft. she's being so fucking ridiculous, entitled, and rude. i'm pissed off on your behalf.
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nta. gf has been miseducated by the myths perpetuated by media and culture that men are always hard, hot and ready for sex.
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nta - your suspicion is correct, it doesn't take long to regain an erection either way
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nta. you don’t have ed and you have nothing to worry about if you were going towards round 3 for the day. personally i think your gf ita reacting like that.
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nta.
sounds like your gf isnt fully aware how the male body works. or she is very naive about it. doesnt matter if its the first or second round a man most likely wont stay fully erect throughout foreplay, specially if you take some good turns onto her without direct stimulation.
i hope that its not getting that bad between you two.
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nta, nothing wrong there brother. don’t even think about it again as you’ll fall down an anxiety spiral worrying about your old boy, which will then actually lead to issues.
you did well, if i’ve already gone twice on the bounce, you could throw beyoncé and katie perry at me and id either go and make a sandwich or fall asleep
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nta
your gf is a massive arsehole for that reaction though.
on the odd few times i haven't been hard, i've felt all sorts of self conscious and like there's something wrong with me. guys are just expected to be ready to go on command, and if we aren't we "clearly don't find them attractive" it's a bad double standard.
there isn't anything wrong. when you consistently can't get it up or keep it up over a matter of weeks then consider asking a doctor. even stints of bad sleep and fatigue can mess with you.
already going two rounds is definitely going to put a damper on it. you're all good bud.
girls have this idea that guys should simply be ready to go. but we're all pretty much the same. difference is it's blatantly obvious when we are horny, but it isn't always the indicator they take it for.
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nta no way no how. i'd be flattered if my hubby was semihard after 2 rounds.
some girls have no idea how penises work and just assume you get hard at the sight of a naked girl.
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definetly nta!
i can relate to this. i don't know if it's the same for all men, but i can't have an erection for a long time either without 'it' getting touched.
maybe she needs to educate herself on the topic a little so she knows how that thing works.
>and lastly, am i wrong for being in a mood with her and telling her i’m upset about it?
you're not in the wrong. i would be upset too. but maybe reassure her next time, that it's not because of her and that it is not her fault. and that you do indeed find her very attractive, i am assuming that that's the case. ( my ex would get very self conscious about this too )
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nta what a fucking brat lol.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hey, my recent girlfriend of 2 months was round last night. we had already had sex twice (just mentioning as i also think this contributed to what i’m about to explain) it was late, and i decided to go down on her. to begin with when we were kissing and i started giving her head i was fully hard. thing is, i was giving her head for about 20 minutes, and i was lying down so my body weight was on my penis also. now i was really enjoying it and really aroused, but after that length of time and the fact my penis wasn’t being touched and it was essentially squashed between myself and the bed, it wasn’t the ripe old police truncheon it was 20 minutes before. it was just semi-erect. like i was clearly turned on but it just needed a tiny bit of attention etc before penetration. i thought that was reasonably normal, i didn’t think it means i have erectile dysfunction or anything. i mean any other time we have sex i don’t have any problems. what the issue was, is the way she reacted. when i came up and kissed her, she grabbed my penis and saw it wasn’t fully erect. then she just kind of slapped me gently and rolled over in a mood like “never mind then you’re not even hard”. i told her i was turned on i was just down there for a while, and it’d be fine after some foreplay. but she said i was selfish and basically left and slept on the sofa. today i’ve been in a foul mood because honestly it just upset me, like i feel like maybe my dick just isn’t working right. she said it should just be hard. so basically my question is, although i have a suspicion that i’m not an asshole in this situation, i still wanted to get second opinions; am i an asshole for not keeping an erection in that situation? or rather, is it normal or should i actually be concerned about ed? and lastly, am i wrong for being in a mood with her and telling her i’m upset about it? sorry this is a bit crude. thanks anyway.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hey, my recent girlfriend of 2 months was round last night. we had already had sex twice (just mentioning as i also think this contributed to what i’m about to explain) it was late, and i decided to go down on her. to begin with when we were kissing and i started giving her head i was fully hard. thing is, i was giving her head for about 20 minutes, and i was lying down so my body weight was on my penis also. now i was really enjoying it and really aroused, but after that length of time and the fact my penis wasn’t being touched and it was essentially squashed between myself and the bed, it wasn’t the ripe old police truncheon it was 20 minutes before. it was just semi-erect. like i was clearly turned on but it just needed a tiny bit of attention etc before penetration. i thought that was reasonably normal, i didn’t think it means i have erectile dysfunction or anything. i mean any other time we have sex i don’t have any problems. what the issue was, is the way she reacted. when i came up and kissed her, she grabbed my penis and saw it wasn’t fully erect. then she just kind of slapped me gently and rolled over in a mood like “never mind then you’re not even hard”. i told her i was turned on i was just down there for a while, and it’d be fine after some foreplay. but she said i was selfish and basically left and slept on the sofa. today i’ve been in a foul mood because honestly it just upset me, like i feel like maybe my dick just isn’t working right. she said it should just be hard. so basically my question is, although i have a suspicion that i’m not an asshole in this situation, i still wanted to get second opinions; am i an asshole for not keeping an erection in that situation? or rather, is it normal or should i actually be concerned about ed? and lastly, am i wrong for being in a mood with her and telling her i’m upset about it? sorry this is a bit crude. thanks anyway. [/INST] nta how in the hell are you selfish?!? you went down on her for 20 minutes, and made sure to put her pleasure first. no, you don't need to be worried about ed, without stimulation it is normal to go soft. she's being so fucking ridiculous, entitled, and rude. i'm pissed off on your behalf. </s>
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AITA For encouraging a kid to kick over another kid's block castle?
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for some background, i work at a science center and today i am stationed in a gallery meant for the little ones. in this gallery we have big foam blocks that kids can build with, they're quite big so i've seen mini houses that many kids can fit into.
anyways for the story, while sitting in the gallery i was watching these two girls build a rather impressive arch. after awhile they began to build a house behind it. while they had their backs turned a boy about the same age as them ran over, screaming, and kicked the arch and unfinished house over. the girls were quite upset. one of them was crying to her mother who also seemed upset. the kid who kicked it has a history. his family have season passes and he is notoriously misbehaved. today alone i've had to tell him multiple times not to run, he has tinkered with broken exhibits, and in general tests the boundaries set. (his parents are also questionable, they mostly sit on their phones and let him do as he wants, they never reprimand him after many times of me politely reminding them and him of the rules.)
after a little while of him thrashing around in the blocks he starts to build, and his castle begins to take shape. i am standing near the bench and overhear the two girls talking to the adult with them, they ask if they can destroy it and she says it's against the rules. at this point i lean in and say "i wont say anything" the mom nods at me and the two girls go off and do exactly what he did. he screams and runs off, and he and his parents leave.
so reddit, aita?
| 181 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bkzn0u/aita_for_encouraging_a_kid_to_kick_over_another/
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2019-05-05 16:22:30
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nta it's probably good for the little shit.
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nta (his parents are). the kid is just being a kid.
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nta
this is just some r/supernovarevenge
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nta this story is funny as hell. i would have done the same thing. this also sounds like a great post for r/entitledparents or r/pettyrevenge. i love it
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nta
i would have done the same thing.
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nta. i love this deep down in my soul. sometimes, retaliatory actions are justified.
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nta
i work so hard at raising well mannered kids, only to take them out for a treat, and have it ruined by phone zombie parents, that let their kids do whatever.
it could be a local park, or a trip we saved months for, there is an 80% chance you are going to see a mom or dad that only pays attention to their kid when they are getting a selfie to undoubtedly post on fb.
imo if you have kids your one job is to try to raise them so they are not asshats.
thank you for that little bit of justice.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for some background, i work at a science center and today i am stationed in a gallery meant for the little ones. in this gallery we have big foam blocks that kids can build with, they're quite big so i've seen mini houses that many kids can fit into. anyways for the story, while sitting in the gallery i was watching these two girls build a rather impressive arch. after awhile they began to build a house behind it. while they had their backs turned a boy about the same age as them ran over, screaming, and kicked the arch and unfinished house over. the girls were quite upset. one of them was crying to her mother who also seemed upset. the kid who kicked it has a history. his family have season passes and he is notoriously misbehaved. today alone i've had to tell him multiple times not to run, he has tinkered with broken exhibits, and in general tests the boundaries set. (his parents are also questionable, they mostly sit on their phones and let him do as he wants, they never reprimand him after many times of me politely reminding them and him of the rules.) after a little while of him thrashing around in the blocks he starts to build, and his castle begins to take shape. i am standing near the bench and overhear the two girls talking to the adult with them, they ask if they can destroy it and she says it's against the rules. at this point i lean in and say "i wont say anything" the mom nods at me and the two girls go off and do exactly what he did. he screams and runs off, and he and his parents leave. so reddit, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for some background, i work at a science center and today i am stationed in a gallery meant for the little ones. in this gallery we have big foam blocks that kids can build with, they're quite big so i've seen mini houses that many kids can fit into. anyways for the story, while sitting in the gallery i was watching these two girls build a rather impressive arch. after awhile they began to build a house behind it. while they had their backs turned a boy about the same age as them ran over, screaming, and kicked the arch and unfinished house over. the girls were quite upset. one of them was crying to her mother who also seemed upset. the kid who kicked it has a history. his family have season passes and he is notoriously misbehaved. today alone i've had to tell him multiple times not to run, he has tinkered with broken exhibits, and in general tests the boundaries set. (his parents are also questionable, they mostly sit on their phones and let him do as he wants, they never reprimand him after many times of me politely reminding them and him of the rules.) after a little while of him thrashing around in the blocks he starts to build, and his castle begins to take shape. i am standing near the bench and overhear the two girls talking to the adult with them, they ask if they can destroy it and she says it's against the rules. at this point i lean in and say "i wont say anything" the mom nods at me and the two girls go off and do exactly what he did. he screams and runs off, and he and his parents leave. so reddit, aita? [/INST] nta it's probably good for the little shit. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to wear a dress to prom?
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so basically, i don’t want to wear a dress to prom because i don’t feel comfortable nor confident in wearing one. instead, i want to wear a suit because i feel like i’d look better in it and it’s way more comfortable. my mom wants to force me to wear a dress and get my hair done and basically be all glammed up for prom.
i told her no, the prom this year is being held at a public park so there was no need to go all out so long as you wear something formal. she didn’t take it very kindly and said some very not nice things and told me that if i didn’t wear a dress, i would be the ugliest one there and therefore, wouldn’t be going.
she then threw around some more unkind words and yelled at me to get out of her sight, saying that i wasn’t her daughter and i was so disobedient. my twin brother comforted her as she started to cry, talking about how i’m very mean to her and how she wished she never had me. overall mean, hurtful things.
my brother stared at me judgmentally as she complained how i’m making it harder for her to not be healthier. i feel like the asshole because she’s getting surgery done at some point in these upcoming months and if she gets upset (usually from something i do), she starts feeling pain on her sides. it’s gotten up to the point where she’s sending me away for a month just so she doesn’t have to deal with me.
so, am i the asshole for not wanting to wear a dress to prom?
| 417 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nhfd4k/aita_for_not_wanting_to_wear_a_dress_to_prom/
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2021-05-21 00:09:47
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nta
her surgery has nothing to do with this.
why is she so fixated on you wearing a dress??
has this been a thing for other events you guys have been to in the past?
is there a possibility she might have. . . prejudices? or is this just her wanting the event to go the way she had imagined it in the past?
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nta. this is your prom and this should be your decision. you should wear what you are going to feel good in. if your mom wants a do over for her own prom, let her find it somewhere else. i am sorry that she is hurting but it is unfair of her to put that on you.
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nta. your body, your choice. seems like your mother only sees you as a barbie doll and not a real person. she is being manipulative and maybe also the reason why you don't feel confident in a dress.
it doesn't matter what you wear to prom, as long as you are happy and feel confident with it. feminity does not necessarily mean beauty.
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nta-
it’s your body. your prom. you get to dress however you feel most comfortable.
your mother sounds to be very controlling which is not healthy. you’re a human being not a dress up doll. your emotions and feelings about the situation matter most. your mom having surgery or being in pain is completely irrelevant to the situation. it sounds more like she hides behind that to manipulate you into feeling bad and doing what she wants instead. op you’re not doing anything wrong. you do you.
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nta, i went through the exact same situation. amazon has suits for around $70 that fit lovely. wear what you want, it's your event.
if she doesnt relent, then you make a change at the prom event place. have supplies to style hair/makeup if you want it, it's not her decision. nothing is wrong with wanting to wear clothes that you are comfortable in.
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nta. there is nothing wrong with not wearing a dress if you don’t want to. the only one being mean here is your mother. she is an awful mother, saying those things to you and blaming you for her health problems. she should want you to be happy and comfortable, instead of saying you’ll look ugly and treating you like a dog she kicks around. she has recruited your brother as her accomplice in scapegoating you, and that is sad. don’t let her manipulative behavior get you down. she is wrong, what she says to you is not only not true, it is monstrous for a mother to say that to her child. she should be ashamed.
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nta your mother is very manipulative, has got your brother well sucked in
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it sounds very much like you are going to have a glorious month free from the passive aggression and guilt tripping. and your brother can get his fill of being the supportive martyr. without her favourite scapegoat there he may find himself on the receiving end of it by week 4.
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so basically, i don’t want to wear a dress to prom because i don’t feel comfortable nor confident in wearing one. instead, i want to wear a suit because i feel like i’d look better in it and it’s way more comfortable. my mom wants to force me to wear a dress and get my hair done and basically be all glammed up for prom. i told her no, the prom this year is being held at a public park so there was no need to go all out so long as you wear something formal. she didn’t take it very kindly and said some very not nice things and told me that if i didn’t wear a dress, i would be the ugliest one there and therefore, wouldn’t be going. she then threw around some more unkind words and yelled at me to get out of her sight, saying that i wasn’t her daughter and i was so disobedient. my twin brother comforted her as she started to cry, talking about how i’m very mean to her and how she wished she never had me. overall mean, hurtful things. my brother stared at me judgmentally as she complained how i’m making it harder for her to not be healthier. i feel like the asshole because she’s getting surgery done at some point in these upcoming months and if she gets upset (usually from something i do), she starts feeling pain on her sides. it’s gotten up to the point where she’s sending me away for a month just so she doesn’t have to deal with me. so, am i the asshole for not wanting to wear a dress to prom?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so basically, i don’t want to wear a dress to prom because i don’t feel comfortable nor confident in wearing one. instead, i want to wear a suit because i feel like i’d look better in it and it’s way more comfortable. my mom wants to force me to wear a dress and get my hair done and basically be all glammed up for prom. i told her no, the prom this year is being held at a public park so there was no need to go all out so long as you wear something formal. she didn’t take it very kindly and said some very not nice things and told me that if i didn’t wear a dress, i would be the ugliest one there and therefore, wouldn’t be going. she then threw around some more unkind words and yelled at me to get out of her sight, saying that i wasn’t her daughter and i was so disobedient. my twin brother comforted her as she started to cry, talking about how i’m very mean to her and how she wished she never had me. overall mean, hurtful things. my brother stared at me judgmentally as she complained how i’m making it harder for her to not be healthier. i feel like the asshole because she’s getting surgery done at some point in these upcoming months and if she gets upset (usually from something i do), she starts feeling pain on her sides. it’s gotten up to the point where she’s sending me away for a month just so she doesn’t have to deal with me. so, am i the asshole for not wanting to wear a dress to prom? [/INST] nta her surgery has nothing to do with this. why is she so fixated on you wearing a dress?? has this been a thing for other events you guys have been to in the past? is there a possibility she might have. . . prejudices? or is this just her wanting the event to go the way she had imagined it in the past? </s>
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AITA for contacting my aunt's EX when she wouldn't pay me for the damages their son did?
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my(16) aunt and her husband just got divorced, i don't know the full details but my father mentioned that he cheated, actually, non of my business. they have a son(9) who is currently living with my aunt.
my parents invited my aunt and cousin over to our place for a short stay because they have been under stress. i was supposed to play with my cousin as the adults have their conversations but we have nothing much in common, so i let him play on my laptop instead.
he was playing some web games as i surfed on my phone nearby and he suddenly lost it. he slammed on the keyboards hard and swiped the laptop off the desk. when i picked it up the screen was broken, it was pixilated all over with a white crack across the middle. i yelled at him a little before my parents stopped me, telling me to be nice as he is just upset because of recent events. my aunt just kept telling him "it's all right. " and din't even look at me.
i had the screen and keyboard fixed. the warranty covered the keyboard but not the screen, so it cost around $400. my parents gave me $100 to cover part of it but the rest was "my fault", which i didn't agree, i never asked to babysit an angry kid nor ask him to destroy my laptop. they made it sure that they were not going to give me more, so i asked my aunt instead, and got a scolding from them for being insensitive.
insensitive or not, $300 isn't a small sum for me and since i figured nobody would pay me, i decided to contact my aunt's ex husband instead. after all, my cousin is his son too, so it's worth a try.
in short, he did pay me the full bill, in which i returned the $100 back to my parents, but they were all fuming when they found out about it. it was like a great humiliation to my aunt, unhealthy for my cousin or something like that. maybe its bad but i don't really have much empathy for them, so aita?
| 20,826 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ib7t37/aita_for_contacting_my_aunts_ex_when_she_wouldnt/
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2020-08-17 04:57:09
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nta, you're pretty resourceful, especially for a 16 year old. good job recovering what was yours.
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nta!!! he broke your laptop, he’s 9 but he is the parents responsibility. if my child broke something of someone’s, no matter what the cost, i know i would have to pay for it. no shame in asking for what is yours. in fact, they should be ashamed for making you pay for it. insensitive? absolutely not! what i think is insensitive is making you pay for something their son broke. good for you for contacting the father, they can cry about it all they want. you got your laptop fixed and you didn’t have to pay a dime. that’s how it should be, you break it, you buy it.
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nta - everybody except you and your aunt's ex are ta. hate to break it to you, but your parents might be idiots if they think this was your fault at all. it's good that your aunt's ex stepped up. the real humiliation is your aunt's behavior.
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nta-when an underage kid does damage to someone's property it is always the parent who is responsible. you're right, you didn't ask to babysit this kid, you were kind enough to let him play with your computer, how could you have known he got all ragey. if they didn't want to feel humiliated, your aunt should have taken up responsibility for her son's actions and paid for the fix.
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nta - your parents on the other hand are tas. they told you to play with your cousin and when he had a temper tantrum, they blamed you... you need to talk to your parents and have a serious conversation with them about this.
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nta your aunt feels embarrassed because she refused to take accountability for her child’s actions and now everyone knows it. let her bask in it.
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nta. the 9 year-old should be taught to control his emotions and respect other’s property. i understand they’re going through a lot, but actions still have consequences. it was her responsibility to pay, and have her son ‘pay’ her back through chores and the like. since the mom did not step up and parent, you went to the dad. it is unhealthy for your cousin to be destructive without consequences.
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nta - parents need to learn to take responsibility for anything their underage kids do, especially when family’s involved. at least her ex recognised the kid was in the wrong and payed you back
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i'm surprised how nobody is suggesting that op would even partially be to blame for taking the responsibility of looking after the 9-year-old but relegating it to the laptop instead and apparently not paying much more attention. the 9-year-old was under the supervision of op. i wouldn't go on this angle if op had strongly established that he was not acting as the overseer in this situation, but he, to me, seemed to establish the polar opposite.
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nta. it's a sad situation all around, but it's not fair to ask you to eat $300 in damages to make it better. they can handle the child's emotional needs with tact and empathy without refusing to help you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my(16) aunt and her husband just got divorced, i don't know the full details but my father mentioned that he cheated, actually, non of my business. they have a son(9) who is currently living with my aunt. my parents invited my aunt and cousin over to our place for a short stay because they have been under stress. i was supposed to play with my cousin as the adults have their conversations but we have nothing much in common, so i let him play on my laptop instead. he was playing some web games as i surfed on my phone nearby and he suddenly lost it. he slammed on the keyboards hard and swiped the laptop off the desk. when i picked it up the screen was broken, it was pixilated all over with a white crack across the middle. i yelled at him a little before my parents stopped me, telling me to be nice as he is just upset because of recent events. my aunt just kept telling him "it's all right. " and din't even look at me. i had the screen and keyboard fixed. the warranty covered the keyboard but not the screen, so it cost around $400. my parents gave me $100 to cover part of it but the rest was "my fault", which i didn't agree, i never asked to babysit an angry kid nor ask him to destroy my laptop. they made it sure that they were not going to give me more, so i asked my aunt instead, and got a scolding from them for being insensitive. insensitive or not, $300 isn't a small sum for me and since i figured nobody would pay me, i decided to contact my aunt's ex husband instead. after all, my cousin is his son too, so it's worth a try. in short, he did pay me the full bill, in which i returned the $100 back to my parents, but they were all fuming when they found out about it. it was like a great humiliation to my aunt, unhealthy for my cousin or something like that. maybe its bad but i don't really have much empathy for them, so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my(16) aunt and her husband just got divorced, i don't know the full details but my father mentioned that he cheated, actually, non of my business. they have a son(9) who is currently living with my aunt. my parents invited my aunt and cousin over to our place for a short stay because they have been under stress. i was supposed to play with my cousin as the adults have their conversations but we have nothing much in common, so i let him play on my laptop instead. he was playing some web games as i surfed on my phone nearby and he suddenly lost it. he slammed on the keyboards hard and swiped the laptop off the desk. when i picked it up the screen was broken, it was pixilated all over with a white crack across the middle. i yelled at him a little before my parents stopped me, telling me to be nice as he is just upset because of recent events. my aunt just kept telling him "it's all right. " and din't even look at me. i had the screen and keyboard fixed. the warranty covered the keyboard but not the screen, so it cost around $400. my parents gave me $100 to cover part of it but the rest was "my fault", which i didn't agree, i never asked to babysit an angry kid nor ask him to destroy my laptop. they made it sure that they were not going to give me more, so i asked my aunt instead, and got a scolding from them for being insensitive. insensitive or not, $300 isn't a small sum for me and since i figured nobody would pay me, i decided to contact my aunt's ex husband instead. after all, my cousin is his son too, so it's worth a try. in short, he did pay me the full bill, in which i returned the $100 back to my parents, but they were all fuming when they found out about it. it was like a great humiliation to my aunt, unhealthy for my cousin or something like that. maybe its bad but i don't really have much empathy for them, so aita? [/INST] nta, you're pretty resourceful, especially for a 16 year old. good job recovering what was yours. </s>
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AITA for telling my mom that I am uncomfortable to call my step-father dad?
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throw away account.
let me give a little background story. my(15f) father passed away when i was 7, he wasn't a great father or a great husband. he was alcohol*c and slept around. and there were many other problems that's a different story.
so my mother met my current step-father a few years later and after dating for quite a while they got married 3 years ago. so since i was 9 he's the one who became the father that i honestly never had.
we are okay with eachother. and he's literally a great person. he's fun, considerate and nice.
now the problem is i've seen my own father being a huge ah for almost all of my life, i've seen his mistr*sses, i've seen him fighting with my mother and many other things that i would like to not remember.
i've been calling him "dad" for 7 years of my life so now whenever my mom asks me to call my step-father "dad" i get those flashbacks and if i were to be completely honest after seeing my biological father the word "dad" disgusts me. it really disgusts me. i've tried to call my step-father "dad" for the past 2 years but i think he too understands i am very uncomfortable.
a few days ago i tried to talk to my mom, i told her everything i am telling here and she told me "you are just making excuses that's not a reason for not calling him dad"
i've tried to talk to her but she just doesn't understand and thinks that i don't want her to be happy. and she told me even if i am uncomfortable i should calling him "dad" cause it makes him happy. when i tried to reason with her she called me an ah for not understanding her.
so now i am feeling like it's really my fault. maybe i should make myself comfortable with the term. i rely don't want to be an inconvenience to their relationship because my mother is finally happy and i don't want to ruin it because of my own problems.
so aita?
| 436 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nmvzhi/aita_for_telling_my_mom_that_i_am_uncomfortable/
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2021-05-28 11:41:30
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nta i'm sorry your mom is not being understanding about this. she's making this all about her even though this really has to do with how much you are comfortable with.
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nta. she is invalidating your feelings on the matter and not acknowledging the real problem. have you tried talking to your step-father about it? maybe he can be more understanding than your mother.
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nta. is there another father type name like pop or pops that you might be more comfortable with calling him?
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nta
what is it with parents thinking they’re the ones who make that call?? your mom is trying to invalidate your feelings to get what she wants. that’s a precious word and words have power. you don’t get to pick and choose how they make you feel.
maybe someday you’ll be able to call him that, and maybe you won’t. and both are fine. your emotions are valid and people don’t get to tell you how you feel. she should be more focused on the fact that you both get along and have a good relationship and not harp on this bullshit. unless she wants you to start having a negative connotation with the word ‘mom’ too...
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nta. that's valid.
can you try papa maybe? if this is something you want but the word dad repulses you?
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nta.
it sounds like he understands the situation. you don't want to call him "dad" because that has bad connotations in your mind so it's almost like calling him "dad" would be more of an insult than calling him something else. it's not that you're deliberately refusing to call him dad because you don't like or respect him. at 15, you should be able to make your own choice anyway. perhaps your mom feels bad that she exposed you to such a terrible father figure early in your life and now she feels that if you call your stepfather dad it might make up for that? but ultimately, it should be your decision what you call him (so long as it's respectful).
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throw away account. let me give a little background story. my(15f) father passed away when i was 7, he wasn't a great father or a great husband. he was alcohol*c and slept around. and there were many other problems that's a different story. so my mother met my current step-father a few years later and after dating for quite a while they got married 3 years ago. so since i was 9 he's the one who became the father that i honestly never had. we are okay with eachother. and he's literally a great person. he's fun, considerate and nice. now the problem is i've seen my own father being a huge ah for almost all of my life, i've seen his mistr*sses, i've seen him fighting with my mother and many other things that i would like to not remember. i've been calling him "dad" for 7 years of my life so now whenever my mom asks me to call my step-father "dad" i get those flashbacks and if i were to be completely honest after seeing my biological father the word "dad" disgusts me. it really disgusts me. i've tried to call my step-father "dad" for the past 2 years but i think he too understands i am very uncomfortable. a few days ago i tried to talk to my mom, i told her everything i am telling here and she told me "you are just making excuses that's not a reason for not calling him dad" i've tried to talk to her but she just doesn't understand and thinks that i don't want her to be happy. and she told me even if i am uncomfortable i should calling him "dad" cause it makes him happy. when i tried to reason with her she called me an ah for not understanding her. so now i am feeling like it's really my fault. maybe i should make myself comfortable with the term. i rely don't want to be an inconvenience to their relationship because my mother is finally happy and i don't want to ruin it because of my own problems. so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throw away account. let me give a little background story. my(15f) father passed away when i was 7, he wasn't a great father or a great husband. he was alcohol*c and slept around. and there were many other problems that's a different story. so my mother met my current step-father a few years later and after dating for quite a while they got married 3 years ago. so since i was 9 he's the one who became the father that i honestly never had. we are okay with eachother. and he's literally a great person. he's fun, considerate and nice. now the problem is i've seen my own father being a huge ah for almost all of my life, i've seen his mistr*sses, i've seen him fighting with my mother and many other things that i would like to not remember. i've been calling him "dad" for 7 years of my life so now whenever my mom asks me to call my step-father "dad" i get those flashbacks and if i were to be completely honest after seeing my biological father the word "dad" disgusts me. it really disgusts me. i've tried to call my step-father "dad" for the past 2 years but i think he too understands i am very uncomfortable. a few days ago i tried to talk to my mom, i told her everything i am telling here and she told me "you are just making excuses that's not a reason for not calling him dad" i've tried to talk to her but she just doesn't understand and thinks that i don't want her to be happy. and she told me even if i am uncomfortable i should calling him "dad" cause it makes him happy. when i tried to reason with her she called me an ah for not understanding her. so now i am feeling like it's really my fault. maybe i should make myself comfortable with the term. i rely don't want to be an inconvenience to their relationship because my mother is finally happy and i don't want to ruin it because of my own problems. so aita? [/INST] nta i'm sorry your mom is not being understanding about this. she's making this all about her even though this really has to do with how much you are comfortable with. </s>
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AITA for not doing anything on my boyfriend's birthday?
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my birthday was last november i'd call it an alright one. i spent time with my family, my friends took me out, i had a lovely time except for one thing: my boyfriend did nothing for me. i got a happy birthday text but other than that no presents or plans of any kind. this did bother me so i brought it up with him and he told me birthdays aren't his thing, he doesn't even celibrate his own. i was disappointed but accepted that that's just the kind of guy he is, it's not like i had a bad birthday anyway. i made a metal note that he doesn't do birthdays left it at that. i feel the need to point out that this is a newish relationship, we've been together since last summer so we're still learning little things like that about eachother.
fast forward to last weekend and saturday was my boyfriend's birthday. we had a quiet night in, watched a movie, ordered take out and hung out. we were cuddling when he asked me what i got for him. i was surprised, said i didn't get anything and reminded of the conversation we had after my birthday. he pouted about it and asked why i didn't bother doing anything. i reminded him that he did nothing for mine, but he insisted it was different because i'm, in his words, "a birthday person". this honestly made me mad because this seems like a bullshit double standard. he does nothing for my birthday and that's okay, i do nothing for his and that's not okay? seems like nonsense to me.
so my question here today is am i the asshole here? my boyfriend insists i am but i really don't think so.
| 3,492 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b5h2us/aita_for_not_doing_anything_on_my_boyfriends/
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2019-03-25 21:59:03
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nta - sounds like he doesn’t do *other people’s birthdays*
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nta if he doesn't care about birthdays but you do then he should celebrate yours not get mad when you don't celebrate his? his thinking is so backwards
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nta - i'm surprised you even need to ask. this is hilarious.
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nta. my husband is the exact same as your bf. not a birthday person. he prefers to ignore it. but he knows i am a birthday person so he goes out of his way for mine. and he's even come around to letting me do little things for his because it makes me happy.
for yours to ignore your bday cuz he's not into bdays and then expect something from you is so fucking ridiculous and immature and selfish, i would honestly consider leaving. this is a huge red flag.
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nta you can’t claim you don’t celebrate birthdays then expect people to get something for you.
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nta - i think he has it backwards. if you are a birthday person, you should be celebrated on your birthday.
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nta
that's not how that works. he has the whole "not being a birthday person" completely backwards.
for example: my boyfriend, not a birthday person. doesn't like to make a big deal, doesn't think it's a big deal, doesn't need a big fuss. whereas i am absolutely a birthday person, i love to celebrate both my birthday and other people's birthdays and i like making them a big deal.
now, the way this works out is that on his birthday, i only take it as far as he'd like me to. so i usually cook a special meal and dessert of his choice, we do a special activity of his choice, and i get him one or two gifts, if i can manage to surprise him with a second one (any more and he insists it's too much). no party, no big celebration, maybe he hangs out with friends. on my birthday though, while i do admit to taking the reigns and planning a party or celebration of some kind around my birthday, he does put in the effort to spoil me on the actual day, he takes me out to eat, he has gifts for me, if i haven't baked a cake for myself he has picked up some kind of sweet from the bakery, and very much makes it my special day where we do what i want like play games, maybe go to the beach or the zoo, because he knows it means a lot to me, even if it wouldn't to him on his birthday.
your boyfriend just doesn't want to put in the effort. he's selfish and a hypocrite.
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nta
he doesn't get to not do anything for yours but turn around and expect you to celebrate his.
you two should discuss what to do going forward.
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nta in pretty much every conceivable way. it’s not your job to second guess what he says when it’s about something as trivial as birthdays, he already made it clear that he wasn’t a birthday person, so you took that at face value. he has no place to be mad about you being conscious of his preferences. and that’s even if he had got something for you on your birthday. once we add in that it’s just ridiculous, because he’s also expecting you to do something he never did. if anything his logic should be totally reversed, he should be the one considering that you clearly care about birthdays, even though he might not be a birthday person.
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nta- your boyfriends a dick..
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my birthday was last november i'd call it an alright one. i spent time with my family, my friends took me out, i had a lovely time except for one thing: my boyfriend did nothing for me. i got a happy birthday text but other than that no presents or plans of any kind. this did bother me so i brought it up with him and he told me birthdays aren't his thing, he doesn't even celibrate his own. i was disappointed but accepted that that's just the kind of guy he is, it's not like i had a bad birthday anyway. i made a metal note that he doesn't do birthdays left it at that. i feel the need to point out that this is a newish relationship, we've been together since last summer so we're still learning little things like that about eachother. fast forward to last weekend and saturday was my boyfriend's birthday. we had a quiet night in, watched a movie, ordered take out and hung out. we were cuddling when he asked me what i got for him. i was surprised, said i didn't get anything and reminded of the conversation we had after my birthday. he pouted about it and asked why i didn't bother doing anything. i reminded him that he did nothing for mine, but he insisted it was different because i'm, in his words, "a birthday person". this honestly made me mad because this seems like a bullshit double standard. he does nothing for my birthday and that's okay, i do nothing for his and that's not okay? seems like nonsense to me. so my question here today is am i the asshole here? my boyfriend insists i am but i really don't think so.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my birthday was last november i'd call it an alright one. i spent time with my family, my friends took me out, i had a lovely time except for one thing: my boyfriend did nothing for me. i got a happy birthday text but other than that no presents or plans of any kind. this did bother me so i brought it up with him and he told me birthdays aren't his thing, he doesn't even celibrate his own. i was disappointed but accepted that that's just the kind of guy he is, it's not like i had a bad birthday anyway. i made a metal note that he doesn't do birthdays left it at that. i feel the need to point out that this is a newish relationship, we've been together since last summer so we're still learning little things like that about eachother. fast forward to last weekend and saturday was my boyfriend's birthday. we had a quiet night in, watched a movie, ordered take out and hung out. we were cuddling when he asked me what i got for him. i was surprised, said i didn't get anything and reminded of the conversation we had after my birthday. he pouted about it and asked why i didn't bother doing anything. i reminded him that he did nothing for mine, but he insisted it was different because i'm, in his words, "a birthday person". this honestly made me mad because this seems like a bullshit double standard. he does nothing for my birthday and that's okay, i do nothing for his and that's not okay? seems like nonsense to me. so my question here today is am i the asshole here? my boyfriend insists i am but i really don't think so. [/INST] nta - sounds like he doesn’t do *other people’s birthdays* </s>
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AITA for not allowing my kids to get baptized?
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i (33f) have two kids (12m and 10f). i have always had a rough relationship with my in-laws. they are the typical "extreme evangelical pastors" and didn't approve of me since i wasn't christian. i am and have always been an atheist. i met my husband in college and while dating found out i got pregnant which caused more issues. they forced my husband to propose to me since they didn't want their grandkid to be born out of marriage. they tried to make us have a religious wedding and tried to make us go to church with them but i always refused.
they calmed down a little when our second came and we allow them to have the kids over every now and then but still tried to push their religion into us. we're trying to raise our kids religion-free and let them decide once they are older and can understand better.
now to the issue, as i mentioned our kids go to stay at their home at least one weekend a month but recently we've been dropping them over every weekend because of time constrains my husband and i have been having. well, last week they came to me and asked me if we could take them on sunday to church to get baptized.
i was dumbfounded, it was clear they had heard about this from my in-laws. i asked them why they wanted that and they explained that they had been going to baptism classes with my in-laws and decided to get baptized. i explained to them that they weren't ready to make that decision and to tell me honestly if their grandma told them to say that. they denied it but i suspected there was more to the story.
i later called my mil and asked her about it, she didn't deny it and said they had been taking our kids to sunday school and baptism classes since they had to be there as pastors and wouldn't leave them at home by themselves. i asked her why couldn't skip one day for taking care of their grandkids but she said the kids actually enjoyed it and asked to go. i called her out on her lies and to stop trying to brainwash my kids but she said i was holding them away. i got very mad and told her to stay away from my kids and hanged up.
i told my husband, he tried to defend his mom but eventually saw my point and agreed with me. i had to explain our kids that they couldn't go but they started begging to let them go.
well, the baptism was supposed to happen this past sunday and they are mad at me, won't talk to me and have asked my husband to let them go stay at their grandparent's. i've been trying to explain why this is the best for them now and we can revisit the idea when they are older but they refuse to listed and i'm starting to feel guilty.
tl;dr, i didn't allow my kids to get baptized since my mil has always tried to push religion into them and now they are mad at me, aita?
| 295 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ywegc1/aita_for_not_allowing_my_kids_to_get_baptized/
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2022-11-16 00:26:19
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yta
>i (33f) have two kids (12m and 10f). i have always had a rough relationship with my in-laws. they are the typical "extreme evangelical pastors"
>recently we've been dropping them over every weekend because of time constrains my husband and i have been having.
why in the name of what you dont believe in would you leave your kids with evangelical pastors on the weekend and not think church/sunday scool would happen?
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esh
in laws for doing this behind your back and pushing their views on you
you for expecting your in laws to drop their responsibilities now “every weekend” for your free child care
you and your husband for not having an honest conversation with your kids. they’re 10 and 12. not babies.
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yta you’re dumping your kids off at someone’s house every weekend, you knew they went to church. you knew their beliefs and expect them to not go to church and change their entire routine because you have ‘time constraints’. you’ve really proven that you are really only interested if your kids believe like you do.
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yta
they’re 10 and 12 and they want to do it. it’s not like your in-laws baptised them behind your back.
you know they’re pastors, what did you think was happening when you dropped them off every weekend?
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yta
more than anything, it sounds like you’re trying to force atheism on your kids whether they like it or not.
they want to go see their grandparents.
they want to go to baptism class.
they want to be baptized.
“we’re trying to raise our kids religion-free and let them decide once they are older” no, you’re not. you’re doing everything you can to raise them atheist, including keeping them away from church and their own grandparents, so that the only opinion they have is the one you approve of.
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yta. you violated your own hypocritical plans. you lied to yourself and us. you were not raising the kids without religion and going to let them decide. you were raising them non-christian as long as they were in your control.
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yta. let’s be honest, your not atheist you’re anti organized religion. i’m an atheist myself but what you’re doing is not protecting your children you’re forcing your belief system on them and keeping them from learning about religion.
if you truly wanted them to make up their own minds like you say you do, you would let them do this if they want and continue to talk to them about why you’re an atheist and possibly discuss other belief systems around the world.
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yta, for every reason listed in the comments.
since your kids are now extremely exposed to religion, now would be the time for you and your husband to sit with your kids and explain to them that their grandparents' path isn't the only path and look into different religions with them.
and tell them when they will be "old enough" to decide to get baptized, that way it doesn't look like you're just going to brush it off and never let it happen, i remember being young and being told "when you're older" and i never believed them. i never believed that one day would come, i expected my parents to keep pushing things off until they just never happened when their response was "you're not old enough to decide yet"
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ok, i need some info. are they actually evangelicals, or are they just christian? i have never run into an evangelical church that allowed women to be pastors or even to preach in the church outside of a testimony. and i grew up in a heavily southern baptist household. if you know, you know...
as a former christan, i actually have to wonder how much of this is you expressing religious trauma and your distaste for christians, and how much is actually them. because i'm seeing a lot of what looks like projection. i certainly see your point, but it doesn't sound like you actually want your kids to choose any views other than your own. and 12 and 10 are definitely old enough to start wanting to make those kinds of decisions, up to and including baptism. they might not even end up staying christian since free will is a thing.
and just based on the information provided, i also have to say yta for assuming that they could just skip going to church to watch your kids. being pastors is a literal job. like they do get paid to do that. and just like any other job, they can call in, but not all the time. if you can't afford child care, and they are your only options, then yes, they will take them with them to a place that they can be supervised and will probably learn about christianity.
if you are really worried about the kids getting baptized, then you need to be making an effort to expose them to other religions so they can learn and actually make an informed choice. it doesn't sound like you are doing that. christianity is being presented to them and they are learning. otherwise, you are doing exactly what you are accusing your inlaws of doing.
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nta.
set them down and explain that there are other religions or you don't have to be religious.
give them the information for all the other religions as well. tell them you will support their decision once they turn 16/17 if they choose to be religious but they must do the work and decide which one they want.
not just fall blindly into their grandparents religion.
trying to force one religion because your grandparents does that religion is a load of crock
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.077718 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (33f) have two kids (12m and 10f). i have always had a rough relationship with my in-laws. they are the typical "extreme evangelical pastors" and didn't approve of me since i wasn't christian. i am and have always been an atheist. i met my husband in college and while dating found out i got pregnant which caused more issues. they forced my husband to propose to me since they didn't want their grandkid to be born out of marriage. they tried to make us have a religious wedding and tried to make us go to church with them but i always refused. they calmed down a little when our second came and we allow them to have the kids over every now and then but still tried to push their religion into us. we're trying to raise our kids religion-free and let them decide once they are older and can understand better. now to the issue, as i mentioned our kids go to stay at their home at least one weekend a month but recently we've been dropping them over every weekend because of time constrains my husband and i have been having. well, last week they came to me and asked me if we could take them on sunday to church to get baptized. i was dumbfounded, it was clear they had heard about this from my in-laws. i asked them why they wanted that and they explained that they had been going to baptism classes with my in-laws and decided to get baptized. i explained to them that they weren't ready to make that decision and to tell me honestly if their grandma told them to say that. they denied it but i suspected there was more to the story. i later called my mil and asked her about it, she didn't deny it and said they had been taking our kids to sunday school and baptism classes since they had to be there as pastors and wouldn't leave them at home by themselves. i asked her why couldn't skip one day for taking care of their grandkids but she said the kids actually enjoyed it and asked to go. i called her out on her lies and to stop trying to brainwash my kids but she said i was holding them away. i got very mad and told her to stay away from my kids and hanged up. i told my husband, he tried to defend his mom but eventually saw my point and agreed with me. i had to explain our kids that they couldn't go but they started begging to let them go. well, the baptism was supposed to happen this past sunday and they are mad at me, won't talk to me and have asked my husband to let them go stay at their grandparent's. i've been trying to explain why this is the best for them now and we can revisit the idea when they are older but they refuse to listed and i'm starting to feel guilty. tl;dr, i didn't allow my kids to get baptized since my mil has always tried to push religion into them and now they are mad at me, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (33f) have two kids (12m and 10f). i have always had a rough relationship with my in-laws. they are the typical "extreme evangelical pastors" and didn't approve of me since i wasn't christian. i am and have always been an atheist. i met my husband in college and while dating found out i got pregnant which caused more issues. they forced my husband to propose to me since they didn't want their grandkid to be born out of marriage. they tried to make us have a religious wedding and tried to make us go to church with them but i always refused. they calmed down a little when our second came and we allow them to have the kids over every now and then but still tried to push their religion into us. we're trying to raise our kids religion-free and let them decide once they are older and can understand better. now to the issue, as i mentioned our kids go to stay at their home at least one weekend a month but recently we've been dropping them over every weekend because of time constrains my husband and i have been having. well, last week they came to me and asked me if we could take them on sunday to church to get baptized. i was dumbfounded, it was clear they had heard about this from my in-laws. i asked them why they wanted that and they explained that they had been going to baptism classes with my in-laws and decided to get baptized. i explained to them that they weren't ready to make that decision and to tell me honestly if their grandma told them to say that. they denied it but i suspected there was more to the story. i later called my mil and asked her about it, she didn't deny it and said they had been taking our kids to sunday school and baptism classes since they had to be there as pastors and wouldn't leave them at home by themselves. i asked her why couldn't skip one day for taking care of their grandkids but she said the kids actually enjoyed it and asked to go. i called her out on her lies and to stop trying to brainwash my kids but she said i was holding them away. i got very mad and told her to stay away from my kids and hanged up. i told my husband, he tried to defend his mom but eventually saw my point and agreed with me. i had to explain our kids that they couldn't go but they started begging to let them go. well, the baptism was supposed to happen this past sunday and they are mad at me, won't talk to me and have asked my husband to let them go stay at their grandparent's. i've been trying to explain why this is the best for them now and we can revisit the idea when they are older but they refuse to listed and i'm starting to feel guilty. tl;dr, i didn't allow my kids to get baptized since my mil has always tried to push religion into them and now they are mad at me, aita? [/INST] yta >i (33f) have two kids (12m and 10f). i have always had a rough relationship with my in-laws. they are the typical "extreme evangelical pastors" >recently we've been dropping them over every weekend because of time constrains my husband and i have been having. why in the name of what you dont believe in would you leave your kids with evangelical pastors on the weekend and not think church/sunday scool would happen? </s>
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AITA for not sewing a matching holiday dress for my sister, and sewing her a different one instead because of my skill level?
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i’m a total novice when it comes to sewing but i’ve sewn a few things for myself that have come out okay and that i’m proud to wear in public. i decided to make myself an easy, cheesy holiday dress with quilting cotton. people who like to sew might recognize the butterick 6453 dress that’s really popular for fun fabrics and my sister asked for one too.
i can mostly make a dress like that easily with some minor adjustments to fit me. my sister on the other hand has a very bodacious body. she’s a lot taller and bigger than me (i’m like 5’2, she’s 5’10!) overall, she’s a size 16 which in sewing sizes means she’s out of the size range of the pattern envelope i have, but moreover she has a really big bust in comparison.
suffice to say i don’t know how to sew something with so much adjusting, and i’m not a very fast sewer so learning all the skills and having to do multiple fittings and getting the bigger pattern wasn’t going to happen.
what i ended up doing was finding an easy pattern from a popular fb/blog company where most of their stuff is made out of knits instead of wovens, so it’s stretchy and way more forgiving of mistakes. i picked out the dress and fabric and showed her and she got really upset at me.
she accused me of telling her the dress wasn’t right for her body type and fat shaming her, and i told her it’s not true at all, she would look so good in it but i just can’t do it in time. i told her that if i ever get those skills down i’ll make something for her but she told me to save my time and energy for “some other little manic pixie dream girl”
i told her to fuck off and ended up grabbing the pattern and fabric and just shoved it to her and told her if she wants a dress so bad to learn how to sew herself and if she’s so upset about her size, do something about it instead of claiming to be the victim. aita?!
| 206 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qvesxs/aita_for_not_sewing_a_matching_holiday_dress_for/
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2021-11-16 18:42:06
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nta. you realized you didn't have the skills to do what she wanted and tried to come up with a solution that still gave her something you thought she'd like but was within your skill set. there's nothing wrong with admitting you have limits. she reacted unreasonably and you were hurt and defensive. she should have listened better and really, if she can't appreciate how much work is involved in sewing a dress, you're right and she should give it a go herself.
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as a bigger person, i can *kinda* understand how she is disappointed, because she had her mind set to **this** dress. i can also understand that she feels hurt (only that the hurt is not caused by you but her own insecurities she is projecting on you) but it's not your fault. she is projecting and lashing out at the wrong person.
i guess if you had sewn the exact same dress and it had been too small or ill-fitting in another way she would have been mad at you either way and told you that you did it on purpose to spite her...
nta, absolutely!
instead of saying "no can do!" you invested time, money and work in finding a cute alternative. that makes her double ta.
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esh - you should have mentioned that before buying a new pattern and dress. you could have mentioned that her bust was an issue and you weren't good at tailoring so would need to find something you both could agree on. you could have even made it a sister’ day at the fabric store.
she needs to realize that patterns are size specific and runs super small and that you weren't calling her fat. her blowing up was out of line.
as someone who has to buy size 16 patterns for the bust and alter for a size 8 waist i really get what you’re saying though. patterns are not very forgiving of those of us who have larger bust sizes. lol
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nta
you just don't have the skills and offered a different solution that you could do. if she has a problem it is her problem, not yours.
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esh. the communication level between the two of you is lacking and you're both letting emotion get out of hand here. you're both making a lot of assumptions and then getting nasty.
in regards to you: you need to learn to say "no". if you can't handle a certain level of sewing, there's no shame in it. same for not being able to meet a deadline, or just flat out not wanting to deal with the stress. "no" is important. if somebody can't respect "no", the problem is on them. that being said, you shouldn't have just assumed she'd be fine with you sewing another dress, and you shouldn't have just gone ahead and bought a different pattern and fabric until she gave you a go-ahead. you should have explained that you don't have the pattern in her size (i believe they are now selling it as simplicity s9291, fyi), and you can't just modify your current pattern to fit her. it'd be like her trying on some of your clothing and wondering why it absolutely didn't fit.
in regards to your sister: people who don't sew do not understand just what goes into fitting things. most mass-produced patterns are designed for somebody who's approximately 5'4" with a b-cup bra, with very specific body ratios. if you do not exactly fit that shape, you will likely need to tweak the pattern to make things fit appropriately. this is one of those unfortunate sides to using mass-produced patterns, they fit very few people if the pattern is followed exactly. this is one of the downsides to being curvy or sewing/designing clothes for somebody who is curvy: it is a lot more difficult to fit those curves than it is for somebody who's built more like a cylinder. curves are a lot more unique to individuals (no two people tend to have the exact same curves) and offer a lot more areas and directions to take into consideration when fitting. she's taking it very personally when ultimately this isn't a "your body sucks" issue, it's a "patterns suck" issue.
i'm approximately your sister's height and a titch heavier, with similar bust issues. i also do a lot of sewing (and thanks to my unusual size, i spend a lot of time tweaking patterns). in the particular case of this pattern, you'd have to completely redo the princess seams to take into consideration her bust, as well as lengthening the torso and skirt because she's about six inches taller than what the pattern is designed for. that's a major drafting redo of the bodice, not a minor tweak. the dress seams have to follow the contours of her body exactly, so it really would take a lot of work. if you're going to sew things for her, you might be better off making a duct tape form of her body (google it) and then use it for the inevitable multiple fittings (expect to go through a lot of muslin).
good rule of thumb for sewing: don't ever sew for anyone who doesn't have an understanding of what goes into it.
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info: did you purchase the fabric and pattern before telling her that hers would be different?
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nta. you might have been better off telling her no from the beginning if you knew your sewing skills weren't up to the task of making her the thing she asked for, but at the end of the day, you were willing to put time, money, and a whole lot of effort into something nice for her, and she threw that kindness in your face. she clearly doesn't appreciate how much work goes into making a dress by hand like this, no matter what its made of, and sounds like a brat, honestly. let her kick rocks.
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esh- you should’ve told her as soon as she asked that you simply don’t have the skill yet to make it for her. she shouldn’t have gone off on you but telling her “do something about it instead of claiming to be the victim” was uncalled for. there’s a pretty common saying that you shouldn’t comment on anyones looks if it’s something they can’t easily change in five minutes.
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esh because of comments made
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nta. she is a choosey beggar. you would have been better off explaining to her before buying stuff that your sewing skills are extremely limited and the difference in your height, etc. makes fitting her way beyond your abilities. the outcome probably would have been the same with her getting mad, but you would not have been out the time and money. you were not fat shaming her with the pattern size, but her ignorance of the process may have played a part in this. for future reference, always say no when someone asks you to sew something. it will only being you grief.
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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INFO
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.34993 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m a total novice when it comes to sewing but i’ve sewn a few things for myself that have come out okay and that i’m proud to wear in public. i decided to make myself an easy, cheesy holiday dress with quilting cotton. people who like to sew might recognize the butterick 6453 dress that’s really popular for fun fabrics and my sister asked for one too. i can mostly make a dress like that easily with some minor adjustments to fit me. my sister on the other hand has a very bodacious body. she’s a lot taller and bigger than me (i’m like 5’2, she’s 5’10!) overall, she’s a size 16 which in sewing sizes means she’s out of the size range of the pattern envelope i have, but moreover she has a really big bust in comparison. suffice to say i don’t know how to sew something with so much adjusting, and i’m not a very fast sewer so learning all the skills and having to do multiple fittings and getting the bigger pattern wasn’t going to happen. what i ended up doing was finding an easy pattern from a popular fb/blog company where most of their stuff is made out of knits instead of wovens, so it’s stretchy and way more forgiving of mistakes. i picked out the dress and fabric and showed her and she got really upset at me. she accused me of telling her the dress wasn’t right for her body type and fat shaming her, and i told her it’s not true at all, she would look so good in it but i just can’t do it in time. i told her that if i ever get those skills down i’ll make something for her but she told me to save my time and energy for “some other little manic pixie dream girl” i told her to fuck off and ended up grabbing the pattern and fabric and just shoved it to her and told her if she wants a dress so bad to learn how to sew herself and if she’s so upset about her size, do something about it instead of claiming to be the victim. aita?!
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m a total novice when it comes to sewing but i’ve sewn a few things for myself that have come out okay and that i’m proud to wear in public. i decided to make myself an easy, cheesy holiday dress with quilting cotton. people who like to sew might recognize the butterick 6453 dress that’s really popular for fun fabrics and my sister asked for one too. i can mostly make a dress like that easily with some minor adjustments to fit me. my sister on the other hand has a very bodacious body. she’s a lot taller and bigger than me (i’m like 5’2, she’s 5’10!) overall, she’s a size 16 which in sewing sizes means she’s out of the size range of the pattern envelope i have, but moreover she has a really big bust in comparison. suffice to say i don’t know how to sew something with so much adjusting, and i’m not a very fast sewer so learning all the skills and having to do multiple fittings and getting the bigger pattern wasn’t going to happen. what i ended up doing was finding an easy pattern from a popular fb/blog company where most of their stuff is made out of knits instead of wovens, so it’s stretchy and way more forgiving of mistakes. i picked out the dress and fabric and showed her and she got really upset at me. she accused me of telling her the dress wasn’t right for her body type and fat shaming her, and i told her it’s not true at all, she would look so good in it but i just can’t do it in time. i told her that if i ever get those skills down i’ll make something for her but she told me to save my time and energy for “some other little manic pixie dream girl” i told her to fuck off and ended up grabbing the pattern and fabric and just shoved it to her and told her if she wants a dress so bad to learn how to sew herself and if she’s so upset about her size, do something about it instead of claiming to be the victim. aita?! [/INST] nta. you realized you didn't have the skills to do what she wanted and tried to come up with a solution that still gave her something you thought she'd like but was within your skill set. there's nothing wrong with admitting you have limits. she reacted unreasonably and you were hurt and defensive. she should have listened better and really, if she can't appreciate how much work is involved in sewing a dress, you're right and she should give it a go herself. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to make the wedding cake as a present for my sister’s wedding?
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sorry if this doesn’t make sense, i’m kind of mad.
my sister came over for christmas eve yesterday and i had made a really fancy cake for christmas. while we were cutting the cake she said, “you can make the cake for our wedding, that can be your gift to us.” i said not even with any doubt no, i do not want to make a wedding cake, making and decorating a three layer cake is hard enough. she got offended by this like, “don’t you care enough about us having a nice cake for our wedding?” of course i care about her i said, but i work full time and i don’t want to spend time baking a wedding cake for a destination wedding that is already set out to be a pain.
her fiancé jumped in at this point and accused me of being mad that it was a destination wedding. mistake here probably, i said that having a destination wedding in an expensive area and expecting the whole family to pay a lot of money to come (and make the goddamn wedding cake!!) is kind of selfish. i would come to the wedding and buy her a really nice gift just like all the other guests, i’d participate in the wedding party if she wanted me to, i’d even help plan the wedding and help find a person to bake the cake, i just don’t want to spend days baking a cake that will probably taste like shit after being shipped 2000 miles anyway! i know she probably wants me to bake the cake because the kind of cake she wants (with very expensive ingredients) would cost like 700 dollars to feed so many people and she isn’t asking any of her other guests to spend 700 dollars on a gift.
this was christmas eve of course so the whole family started getting involved, sort of a split between “sister is getting married and you shouldn’t be so selfish and you should bake her a cake because it would mean so much to everybody” and my other family members “she doesn’t have to bake an entire wedding cake if she doesn’t want to.” and suddenly i was the one who’d ruined christmas by being so unreasonable, why couldn’t i leave the argument to another time? but what was i supposed to do, say “sure i want to bake your cake” and then after christmas go around and say “actually no”?
i’m feeling pissed off, family is split, sister is pissed. aita?
| 425 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/efyvo7/aita_for_not_wanting_to_make_the_wedding_cake_as/
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2019-12-26 18:22:59
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nta. when you ask for a gift, it no longer becomes a gift. giving suggestions is fine, but demanding something specific takes it out of "gift" territory imo.
i also think that in the case of destination weddings, your attendance is the gift if you have to foot the bill. being asked to spend several hundred dollars and then donate several hundred dollars in the form of the cake is crazy. this belongs in /r/choosingbeggars
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nta.
your sister clearly didn't think her request through.
firstly, the fact, that it's a destination wedding makes it 100% impossible for you to make the cake. where would you bake it? where would you get the ingredients and materials needed? it would be impossible for you to bake it at home and bring it with you, and baking at the destination would be impossible.
the cost of the cake would be very high. it was rude of her to even expect for you to spend all that money on her cake.
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nta
that's a huge financial burden for you, and imo, really tacky of them to even ask. that is some manipulative shit, all "ohhh if you loved me you'd do it" gtfo with that. you're already spending enough $$$ on the destination wedding.
your sister ruined xmas by having the gall to make such an unreasonable request. she's basically asking you for a $700 wedding gift.
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nta
your sister is nuts if she thinks a wedding cake can be successfully shipped 2000 miles.
don't make any plans to attend this wedding too quickly. leave yourself the ability to change your mind about attending.
fyi... the cake may not be the only thing she's being cheap about. with many destination weddings, the invited guests who pay through the travel coordinator pay a rate that gives the wedding couple significant discounts on their wedding and/or travel costs. the guests book at $x and the bridal couple get discounts or freebies for so many guests paying the (inflated) prices. in other words, the guests end up paying for part of the wedding or bridal couple's costs. look into the costs of booking on your own, if you plan to attend.
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nta
how does she expect you to travel with the cake? does she expect you to make it at the destination? i mean there are a lot of things i think make her the ah for asking but getting the damn cake to the destination is a pretty big one.
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what you should have done was buy a grocery store cake and ship it to the wedding in a bubble mailer. what she wants sounds extremely difficult and costly even if you wanted to do it. nta
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nta. some brides are delusional. your sister and her fiancé are insane to think this is a reasonable request.
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nta, that's ridiculous
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nta it's a lot of work, and with getting it done and then moved to destination there's a lot of risk of it getting damaged. all in all, you'd be putting in more value than other guests (if you compare time to money) with higher chance of it going wrong just because you're capable of baking. that doesn't sound even remotely fair to me.
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nta. it was my understanding that going to the destination for the destination wedding functioned as the bulk of the gift, tbh.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: sorry if this doesn’t make sense, i’m kind of mad. my sister came over for christmas eve yesterday and i had made a really fancy cake for christmas. while we were cutting the cake she said, “you can make the cake for our wedding, that can be your gift to us.” i said not even with any doubt no, i do not want to make a wedding cake, making and decorating a three layer cake is hard enough. she got offended by this like, “don’t you care enough about us having a nice cake for our wedding?” of course i care about her i said, but i work full time and i don’t want to spend time baking a wedding cake for a destination wedding that is already set out to be a pain. her fiancé jumped in at this point and accused me of being mad that it was a destination wedding. mistake here probably, i said that having a destination wedding in an expensive area and expecting the whole family to pay a lot of money to come (and make the goddamn wedding cake!!) is kind of selfish. i would come to the wedding and buy her a really nice gift just like all the other guests, i’d participate in the wedding party if she wanted me to, i’d even help plan the wedding and help find a person to bake the cake, i just don’t want to spend days baking a cake that will probably taste like shit after being shipped 2000 miles anyway! i know she probably wants me to bake the cake because the kind of cake she wants (with very expensive ingredients) would cost like 700 dollars to feed so many people and she isn’t asking any of her other guests to spend 700 dollars on a gift. this was christmas eve of course so the whole family started getting involved, sort of a split between “sister is getting married and you shouldn’t be so selfish and you should bake her a cake because it would mean so much to everybody” and my other family members “she doesn’t have to bake an entire wedding cake if she doesn’t want to.” and suddenly i was the one who’d ruined christmas by being so unreasonable, why couldn’t i leave the argument to another time? but what was i supposed to do, say “sure i want to bake your cake” and then after christmas go around and say “actually no”? i’m feeling pissed off, family is split, sister is pissed. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
sorry if this doesn’t make sense, i’m kind of mad. my sister came over for christmas eve yesterday and i had made a really fancy cake for christmas. while we were cutting the cake she said, “you can make the cake for our wedding, that can be your gift to us.” i said not even with any doubt no, i do not want to make a wedding cake, making and decorating a three layer cake is hard enough. she got offended by this like, “don’t you care enough about us having a nice cake for our wedding?” of course i care about her i said, but i work full time and i don’t want to spend time baking a wedding cake for a destination wedding that is already set out to be a pain. her fiancé jumped in at this point and accused me of being mad that it was a destination wedding. mistake here probably, i said that having a destination wedding in an expensive area and expecting the whole family to pay a lot of money to come (and make the goddamn wedding cake!!) is kind of selfish. i would come to the wedding and buy her a really nice gift just like all the other guests, i’d participate in the wedding party if she wanted me to, i’d even help plan the wedding and help find a person to bake the cake, i just don’t want to spend days baking a cake that will probably taste like shit after being shipped 2000 miles anyway! i know she probably wants me to bake the cake because the kind of cake she wants (with very expensive ingredients) would cost like 700 dollars to feed so many people and she isn’t asking any of her other guests to spend 700 dollars on a gift. this was christmas eve of course so the whole family started getting involved, sort of a split between “sister is getting married and you shouldn’t be so selfish and you should bake her a cake because it would mean so much to everybody” and my other family members “she doesn’t have to bake an entire wedding cake if she doesn’t want to.” and suddenly i was the one who’d ruined christmas by being so unreasonable, why couldn’t i leave the argument to another time? but what was i supposed to do, say “sure i want to bake your cake” and then after christmas go around and say “actually no”? i’m feeling pissed off, family is split, sister is pissed. aita? [/INST] nta. when you ask for a gift, it no longer becomes a gift. giving suggestions is fine, but demanding something specific takes it out of "gift" territory imo. i also think that in the case of destination weddings, your attendance is the gift if you have to foot the bill. being asked to spend several hundred dollars and then donate several hundred dollars in the form of the cake is crazy. this belongs in /r/choosingbeggars </s>
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AITA for ruining a year of my sisters life ?
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hi guys first post here i need to know cuz i feel really bad right now.
my sister (20 f) and i (17 m) both live in france. i'm starting uni this year so i asked my mum if i could apply and try to do all the paperwork myself because i need practice for when i live on my own (france is well known for its hellish amounts of paperwork for anything). i managed to do most of it by myself and so my sister asked (she was in england at the time working) if i could re-apply her for her third and final year in uni since she didn't have a computer.
since i was going to england too visiting family, i told her that we could do it together at our grandparents. so i go over there and ask her when she should do it but she was also dealing with some health issues at that time and unfortunately the deadline to fill out her re-inscription was only a few days ahead. so i told her i'll try and do it by myself, this was the day before the deadline. i thought i had managed to do all of it well but when unfortunately i mistakenly ticked one wrong box and applied her to a completely different town than the one she had her student living accomodation (1h30 apart from both towns).
i sent loads of emails, tried calling the university that evening and the next morning (deadline was at 12 a.m) but nothing went through. i told her and she panicked but i told her that in a few weeks they re-open applications (like a sort of second time round) and that we can try again then.
she's been screaming at me and blaming me for the past few weeks and i understand that i messed up but i told her that she has to deal with it now because 1) im moving myself to a different town for the first time so i've also got a load on my plate and 2) she had like 1-2 months to re-apply before hand.
today was the re-opening date so i got my sister up this morning with a cup of cocoa, gave her the numbers she had to call and told her they open at 10.
she's tried like 5 times and they keep redirecting her to different people and nothing is getting done about it. so she won't talk to me now and blames me for everything, says its my duty to sort it all out and that now she's gonna lose her student accomodation and have to move back in with our parents and lose a year of her life doing nothing.
tommorow we are going to said town because i need to buy stuff for my new place and at the same time we're going to go to the university since it might be easier sorting things out in person.
i feel really bad about it now, my sister has been through a lot (suffers from anxiety and depression), am i the asshole here ? i tried my best to fix things up but i got my own shit to worry about now.
tl;dr : sister has to study in a different town than the one she needs to live in because i messed up and she blames me for everything.
| 358 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ctulhp/aita_for_ruining_a_year_of_my_sisters_life/
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2019-08-22 08:45:25
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nta - really simple mistake anyone can make don't beat yourself up over it. as you said your sister had months to do this why was it all thrown on your shoulders to rush it
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nta, you fucked up, you're trying to make it right. keep trying and good luck.
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nta her mental health is not her fault, but it is her responsibility. her life is still on her and she shouldn’t be blaming you when she let something important slip to the last minute.
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nta- from that title i was thinking you were a horrible person, but after reading no, it’s just a simple mistake.
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i'm going to say esh.
yes, your sister had the time to re-apply on her own, and the fact that she didn't clearly makes her part of the issue.
that said.
i get that you're moving and have a lot on your plate. however, at that point, if someone asks you for help with something as major as your sister did, *you say no.*
you said yes, and i know it was motivated by a desire to help your sister, and that you didn't mean to make a mistake.
but the fact is, you did make a mistake with a responsibility you agreed to take on. and it wasn't a responsibility your sister twisted your arm to make you take on either, based on the wording in your post.
and you made a mistake, which people do. the problem is, that mistake potentially affects her for a year.
if you get it sorted out, no harm, no foul. but as it stands right now, your teenage sister is staring down the possibility of a 3 hour travel *every day* to make her classes. it's that or find new student accommodation, which might not be possible due to lack of availability or late, or could come with serious financial setbacks. that combined with her age, of course she feels like the sky is falling.
so, esh - both of you need to be more responsible in the future, imo. and if this is a pattern w/ your sister - leaving important things to the last moment and then asking you to do it - you need to learn to say no to her *when she asks,* instead of putting yourself in a position where you're stuck putting out an emergency that you played a hand in, like in the post.
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nta. your sister should have taken care of her own paper work months ago rather than wait a week before the deadline ask you to do it for her.
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nta. it was her job to do in the first place, she knows the details better than you could have. she was unable to do it, which is fine, but it was her choice to leave it up to you without checking first.
she should have looked over it at least if she wanted it to be perfect. she cant expect you to know all the inns and outs.
you tried and made a mistake. you're even trying to correct it. she has a right to be annoyed, but not to be angry as she left you to do all of the work.
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nta, you tried man. it sounds like a confusing mistake anyone could’ve made, and you truly tried to fix it as best as you could. i get her being upset but it seems like she’s pretty out of control to the point of being ta. after all, it’s her application, not yours, and should’ve been her responsibility to begin with. this whole situation sucks though, i hope everything turns out ok for your sister.
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nta. she had months to sort this out and threw it on you with a day or two to spare. that’s completely unfair. you made a mistake, it happens. she’s being very unreasonable here.
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nta. i also live in france and have applied (and been accepted to) french universities twice... each time was after the deadline and a real mess because i'm international and don't fit in the usual categories. each time, i found them extremely flexible and accommodating. really willing to bend the rules. once they literally put the entire 'applications' section of the website back online after it had been shut down, just so that i could sign up through it. i found it wasn't so much about the official rules and more about human connection. i think the trick is to find the one specific person who has their hand on things. with me, it was usually the secretariat of the specific formation i wanted to enroll in. i would honestly be surprised if your sister isn't ok in the end.
one trick is if the person directs you away to someone else, and then that second person can't help you either, go back to the first person and say what happened. if they redirect you again and that path doesn't work out either, go back to them again and tell them it didn't work. on and on. essentially, put them in the role of 'adviser' by continually going back to them when the other paths don't work out. if you don't allow them to shuffle you off and forget about you, then they'll likely just take care of it for you.
good luck. oh, and also, if you plead being anglophone and having misunderstood as a result of language barriers, sometimes they take pity on you and it helps.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.010125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi guys first post here i need to know cuz i feel really bad right now. my sister (20 f) and i (17 m) both live in france. i'm starting uni this year so i asked my mum if i could apply and try to do all the paperwork myself because i need practice for when i live on my own (france is well known for its hellish amounts of paperwork for anything). i managed to do most of it by myself and so my sister asked (she was in england at the time working) if i could re-apply her for her third and final year in uni since she didn't have a computer. since i was going to england too visiting family, i told her that we could do it together at our grandparents. so i go over there and ask her when she should do it but she was also dealing with some health issues at that time and unfortunately the deadline to fill out her re-inscription was only a few days ahead. so i told her i'll try and do it by myself, this was the day before the deadline. i thought i had managed to do all of it well but when unfortunately i mistakenly ticked one wrong box and applied her to a completely different town than the one she had her student living accomodation (1h30 apart from both towns). i sent loads of emails, tried calling the university that evening and the next morning (deadline was at 12 a.m) but nothing went through. i told her and she panicked but i told her that in a few weeks they re-open applications (like a sort of second time round) and that we can try again then. she's been screaming at me and blaming me for the past few weeks and i understand that i messed up but i told her that she has to deal with it now because 1) im moving myself to a different town for the first time so i've also got a load on my plate and 2) she had like 1-2 months to re-apply before hand. today was the re-opening date so i got my sister up this morning with a cup of cocoa, gave her the numbers she had to call and told her they open at 10. she's tried like 5 times and they keep redirecting her to different people and nothing is getting done about it. so she won't talk to me now and blames me for everything, says its my duty to sort it all out and that now she's gonna lose her student accomodation and have to move back in with our parents and lose a year of her life doing nothing. tommorow we are going to said town because i need to buy stuff for my new place and at the same time we're going to go to the university since it might be easier sorting things out in person. i feel really bad about it now, my sister has been through a lot (suffers from anxiety and depression), am i the asshole here ? i tried my best to fix things up but i got my own shit to worry about now. tl;dr : sister has to study in a different town than the one she needs to live in because i messed up and she blames me for everything.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi guys first post here i need to know cuz i feel really bad right now. my sister (20 f) and i (17 m) both live in france. i'm starting uni this year so i asked my mum if i could apply and try to do all the paperwork myself because i need practice for when i live on my own (france is well known for its hellish amounts of paperwork for anything). i managed to do most of it by myself and so my sister asked (she was in england at the time working) if i could re-apply her for her third and final year in uni since she didn't have a computer. since i was going to england too visiting family, i told her that we could do it together at our grandparents. so i go over there and ask her when she should do it but she was also dealing with some health issues at that time and unfortunately the deadline to fill out her re-inscription was only a few days ahead. so i told her i'll try and do it by myself, this was the day before the deadline. i thought i had managed to do all of it well but when unfortunately i mistakenly ticked one wrong box and applied her to a completely different town than the one she had her student living accomodation (1h30 apart from both towns). i sent loads of emails, tried calling the university that evening and the next morning (deadline was at 12 a.m) but nothing went through. i told her and she panicked but i told her that in a few weeks they re-open applications (like a sort of second time round) and that we can try again then. she's been screaming at me and blaming me for the past few weeks and i understand that i messed up but i told her that she has to deal with it now because 1) im moving myself to a different town for the first time so i've also got a load on my plate and 2) she had like 1-2 months to re-apply before hand. today was the re-opening date so i got my sister up this morning with a cup of cocoa, gave her the numbers she had to call and told her they open at 10. she's tried like 5 times and they keep redirecting her to different people and nothing is getting done about it. so she won't talk to me now and blames me for everything, says its my duty to sort it all out and that now she's gonna lose her student accomodation and have to move back in with our parents and lose a year of her life doing nothing. tommorow we are going to said town because i need to buy stuff for my new place and at the same time we're going to go to the university since it might be easier sorting things out in person. i feel really bad about it now, my sister has been through a lot (suffers from anxiety and depression), am i the asshole here ? i tried my best to fix things up but i got my own shit to worry about now. tl;dr : sister has to study in a different town than the one she needs to live in because i messed up and she blames me for everything. [/INST] nta - really simple mistake anyone can make don't beat yourself up over it. as you said your sister had months to do this why was it all thrown on your shoulders to rush it </s>
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AITA for not giving my classmate rides anymore?
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i (22f) am a dental assistant student. i live in a big city with a lot of traffic. there are only 6 of us total in my class. my classmate “g” (23f) was always ubering to class which was costing about 45$ to and from just to get home and to school. i offered her the option of carpooling and she can just pay me gas for the rides. she agreed. at first, g was really nice and pretty talkative. i’m pretty quiet myself so i thought nothing of it. she always made her life seem so busy and grand. that she made money and took care of her family. as time progressed, i began to notice the lying. i come from a messy background so money means nothing to me. i’m not rich or poor but i couldn’t care less about someone’s financial situations. another one of my classmates informed me that she lives nearby my house and asked if i could also take her to school. she would pay me gas money of course. so i agreed and i would carpool with these 2 girls.
g began to lie again and say she got in american idol because her mom forced her and then said she was on the voice mexico at age 6. she’s only a year older than me so i did the math and 2005 she would’ve been 6. the voice mexico came out in 2011. i thought maybe she’s got something that makes her lie about everything and shrugged it off. we all began to notice how perfect her grades online were but she had no knowledge of dental assisting in class. she admitted to cheating on big exams on the computer. we all kind of got mad at that. we’re all busting asses to pass our classes and she’s just cheating her way through.
we began to have class twice a week so i asked for an extra 10$ from each of them for the week and they agreed. g began to ask more often when i would get a new car and how embarrassing it was having to ride with someone in a crappy car. so i began to ignore her messages and not pick her up anymore. i was over it. she began to give me dirty looks and then blew up my phone on the weekends while i was at work.
i began to notice in our schoolwork online, she began to copy and paste my exact words into her own posts for the assignment. she would steal my responses to my other classmates and pass them off as her own. i confronted her about this and she plays dumb, telling everyone i was accusing her of cheating. luckily my classmates compiled screenshots of this and we reported her. nothing was done and she never knew about the report. my classmate says she feels bad about her having to uber to class but i don’t feel bad. last week she announced to the class that she had to take the bus to school but my classmate said she saw her get out of an uber. i think she was saying it to manipulate me or something. i don’t know anymore. aita?
| 1,808 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xls9k7/aita_for_not_giving_my_classmate_rides_anymore/
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2022-09-23 09:02:15
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nta. this girl sounds unhinged. you don't have to give a lift to anyone who put you down, lies, cheats and steals from you. i'd continue reporting her everytime she cheats or copies your work though.
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nta you offer to carpool and they have the nerve to insult your car among other things, that's like asking to be kicked out. (just by insulting the vehicle that they happen to be riding in, is just so disrespectful. then still expecting rides afterwards. they got their last ride when they decided to insult your car.)
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nta. also, i personally wouldn’t care if the person is cheating on the tests if it’s something random that they are studying - after all, it’s her problem if she doesn’t know. but her cheating on tests while learning this proffession is potentially dangerous to others!!! if there is a way to prove it, you should report this.
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nta. she is taking advantage of you in multiple ways. she doesn't want to sit in your crappy car? that's her choice, her problem. the lying also seems to be a problematic pattern. the cheating is academic fraud, i don't understand why nothing would be done about that.
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nta. you’re doing her a favor and then she wants to complain about the quality of the favor?? no. not to mention the cheating. i wouldn’t wanna drive a lying, whiny cheat to class either.
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definitely nta. op as someone who has a pathological liar for a best friend, i understand the lies are frustrating. but that is not even remotely the problem here. she's rude and entitled. she's a liar and a cheater and on top of that she's treated you badly, stealing your work and messages, talking badly about your car and then being prissy cause you wouldn't let her ride in it one she'd done so. girl can make her own way to class. she'll deal. she's not your responsibility.
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nta- she doesn't seem like a nice person & you're under no obligation to give her a ride too and from school
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nta, she digged her own grave with her lies
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (22f) am a dental assistant student. i live in a big city with a lot of traffic. there are only 6 of us total in my class. my classmate “g” (23f) was always ubering to class which was costing about 45$ to and from just to get home and to school. i offered her the option of carpooling and she can just pay me gas for the rides. she agreed. at first, g was really nice and pretty talkative. i’m pretty quiet myself so i thought nothing of it. she always made her life seem so busy and grand. that she made money and took care of her family. as time progressed, i began to notice the lying. i come from a messy background so money means nothing to me. i’m not rich or poor but i couldn’t care less about someone’s financial situations. another one of my classmates informed me that she lives nearby my house and asked if i could also take her to school. she would pay me gas money of course. so i agreed and i would carpool with these 2 girls. g began to lie again and say she got in american idol because her mom forced her and then said she was on the voice mexico at age 6. she’s only a year older than me so i did the math and 2005 she would’ve been 6. the voice mexico came out in 2011. i thought maybe she’s got something that makes her lie about everything and shrugged it off. we all began to notice how perfect her grades online were but she had no knowledge of dental assisting in class. she admitted to cheating on big exams on the computer. we all kind of got mad at that. we’re all busting asses to pass our classes and she’s just cheating her way through. we began to have class twice a week so i asked for an extra 10$ from each of them for the week and they agreed. g began to ask more often when i would get a new car and how embarrassing it was having to ride with someone in a crappy car. so i began to ignore her messages and not pick her up anymore. i was over it. she began to give me dirty looks and then blew up my phone on the weekends while i was at work. i began to notice in our schoolwork online, she began to copy and paste my exact words into her own posts for the assignment. she would steal my responses to my other classmates and pass them off as her own. i confronted her about this and she plays dumb, telling everyone i was accusing her of cheating. luckily my classmates compiled screenshots of this and we reported her. nothing was done and she never knew about the report. my classmate says she feels bad about her having to uber to class but i don’t feel bad. last week she announced to the class that she had to take the bus to school but my classmate said she saw her get out of an uber. i think she was saying it to manipulate me or something. i don’t know anymore. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (22f) am a dental assistant student. i live in a big city with a lot of traffic. there are only 6 of us total in my class. my classmate “g” (23f) was always ubering to class which was costing about 45$ to and from just to get home and to school. i offered her the option of carpooling and she can just pay me gas for the rides. she agreed. at first, g was really nice and pretty talkative. i’m pretty quiet myself so i thought nothing of it. she always made her life seem so busy and grand. that she made money and took care of her family. as time progressed, i began to notice the lying. i come from a messy background so money means nothing to me. i’m not rich or poor but i couldn’t care less about someone’s financial situations. another one of my classmates informed me that she lives nearby my house and asked if i could also take her to school. she would pay me gas money of course. so i agreed and i would carpool with these 2 girls. g began to lie again and say she got in american idol because her mom forced her and then said she was on the voice mexico at age 6. she’s only a year older than me so i did the math and 2005 she would’ve been 6. the voice mexico came out in 2011. i thought maybe she’s got something that makes her lie about everything and shrugged it off. we all began to notice how perfect her grades online were but she had no knowledge of dental assisting in class. she admitted to cheating on big exams on the computer. we all kind of got mad at that. we’re all busting asses to pass our classes and she’s just cheating her way through. we began to have class twice a week so i asked for an extra 10$ from each of them for the week and they agreed. g began to ask more often when i would get a new car and how embarrassing it was having to ride with someone in a crappy car. so i began to ignore her messages and not pick her up anymore. i was over it. she began to give me dirty looks and then blew up my phone on the weekends while i was at work. i began to notice in our schoolwork online, she began to copy and paste my exact words into her own posts for the assignment. she would steal my responses to my other classmates and pass them off as her own. i confronted her about this and she plays dumb, telling everyone i was accusing her of cheating. luckily my classmates compiled screenshots of this and we reported her. nothing was done and she never knew about the report. my classmate says she feels bad about her having to uber to class but i don’t feel bad. last week she announced to the class that she had to take the bus to school but my classmate said she saw her get out of an uber. i think she was saying it to manipulate me or something. i don’t know anymore. aita? [/INST] nta. this girl sounds unhinged. you don't have to give a lift to anyone who put you down, lies, cheats and steals from you. i'd continue reporting her everytime she cheats or copies your work though. </s>
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AITA for not giving my roommate her portion of the security deposit?
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for some context: we had to be out of the apartment by the end of may and ready for the walk through by the 1st of june. i hired some movers to come on the 28th and she started moving out on the 21st.
she said she would have all her stuff out by when the movers came so it would be easier for them and quicker bc i was paying people to move my stuff and with hers still there it would take more time and make it harder for them. she didn’t get her stuff out by then and it took my movers more time to navigate the big furniture out bc of it and costed me more money.
i started cleaning the apartment on the 28th and kept her updated on what i had done. on the 30th i’d cleaned 75% of the apartment (am i mean deep clean) i scrubbed baseboards and walls like crazy, the place looked amazing where i cleaned. she then told me she would clean the rest. i showed up at 10am for the walk through on the and my roommate didn’t show up. while doing the walk through i realized she never cleaned the rest of what she was supposed to, she still had her stuff everywhere, and dirtied things i already cleaned. she even threw the stuff that was in our backyard over the fence instead of putting it in the dumpster. i told my roommate what the property manager said still needed to be done and turned in my key because at that point i didn’t feel like it was my responsibility anymore.
now here’s what really pissed me off: because of a clause in our lease we both had to email them an agreed adress for where the check would be sent. for a month and a half the property people could not get ahold of her and neither could i and she refused to send the email so we could get our money. so when i finally got the check and saw all the deductions she caused i kept it.
it’s mid august and she’s only now asking for the money. aita for not giving it to her?
| 421 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pbe5zg/aita_for_not_giving_my_roommate_her_portion_of/
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2021-08-25 15:58:11
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nta
all deductions due to her actions should be removed from the half of her security deposit that you owe her back. if the deduction s cost more than her half, she owes you money. if there is money left over from you half after the deductions, you should give her that amount.
message her to show her the math and send a copy of the statement from the landlord.
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[deleted]
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based on other comments:
$400 deposit, so $200 each due.
$280 was actually returned, thanks to deductions which are as far as /u/kegalsintheolypmics can tell are entirely due to the roommate. so it feels fair that it's now $200 / $80 shares.
op then spent three days deep cleaning, while roommate *claimed* she'd do a share and then did nothing.
so i'd be inclined to say it'd be fair to charge her some cleaning costs too; wouldn't surprise me if a day and a half at minimum wage covered off the $80...
nta. she had ample opportunities to do what she said she'd do and to send her email to get the check. if she wasn't interested in that, well... tough?
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nta. document all of the extra expenses she incurred for failing to do her share of the cleaning and failing to finish moving out. keep all of your records in case, she is foolish enough to try and take you to small claims court. although it sounds like she is too disorganized to pursue it.
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nta- if she really wanted the check she would have handed over an email address. not to mention all the other opportunities she had before that.
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nta.
from the sound of it, it doesn't sound like you're good friends or anything, so it wouldn't worry about losing a friendship.
put down a log of everything that was agreed upon, when you agreed upon it, and then a log of what happened (or didn't happen) and when, as well as the financial repercussions of each event.
with that documented, you can just present her with that and say, "if you have an issue with this, you can take the issue to small-claims court"
that should put it to rest pretty quickly.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for some context: we had to be out of the apartment by the end of may and ready for the walk through by the 1st of june. i hired some movers to come on the 28th and she started moving out on the 21st. she said she would have all her stuff out by when the movers came so it would be easier for them and quicker bc i was paying people to move my stuff and with hers still there it would take more time and make it harder for them. she didn’t get her stuff out by then and it took my movers more time to navigate the big furniture out bc of it and costed me more money. i started cleaning the apartment on the 28th and kept her updated on what i had done. on the 30th i’d cleaned 75% of the apartment (am i mean deep clean) i scrubbed baseboards and walls like crazy, the place looked amazing where i cleaned. she then told me she would clean the rest. i showed up at 10am for the walk through on the and my roommate didn’t show up. while doing the walk through i realized she never cleaned the rest of what she was supposed to, she still had her stuff everywhere, and dirtied things i already cleaned. she even threw the stuff that was in our backyard over the fence instead of putting it in the dumpster. i told my roommate what the property manager said still needed to be done and turned in my key because at that point i didn’t feel like it was my responsibility anymore. now here’s what really pissed me off: because of a clause in our lease we both had to email them an agreed adress for where the check would be sent. for a month and a half the property people could not get ahold of her and neither could i and she refused to send the email so we could get our money. so when i finally got the check and saw all the deductions she caused i kept it. it’s mid august and she’s only now asking for the money. aita for not giving it to her?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for some context: we had to be out of the apartment by the end of may and ready for the walk through by the 1st of june. i hired some movers to come on the 28th and she started moving out on the 21st. she said she would have all her stuff out by when the movers came so it would be easier for them and quicker bc i was paying people to move my stuff and with hers still there it would take more time and make it harder for them. she didn’t get her stuff out by then and it took my movers more time to navigate the big furniture out bc of it and costed me more money. i started cleaning the apartment on the 28th and kept her updated on what i had done. on the 30th i’d cleaned 75% of the apartment (am i mean deep clean) i scrubbed baseboards and walls like crazy, the place looked amazing where i cleaned. she then told me she would clean the rest. i showed up at 10am for the walk through on the and my roommate didn’t show up. while doing the walk through i realized she never cleaned the rest of what she was supposed to, she still had her stuff everywhere, and dirtied things i already cleaned. she even threw the stuff that was in our backyard over the fence instead of putting it in the dumpster. i told my roommate what the property manager said still needed to be done and turned in my key because at that point i didn’t feel like it was my responsibility anymore. now here’s what really pissed me off: because of a clause in our lease we both had to email them an agreed adress for where the check would be sent. for a month and a half the property people could not get ahold of her and neither could i and she refused to send the email so we could get our money. so when i finally got the check and saw all the deductions she caused i kept it. it’s mid august and she’s only now asking for the money. aita for not giving it to her? [/INST] nta all deductions due to her actions should be removed from the half of her security deposit that you owe her back. if the deduction s cost more than her half, she owes you money. if there is money left over from you half after the deductions, you should give her that amount. message her to show her the math and send a copy of the statement from the landlord. </s>
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AITA For phoning the 'police' on my neighbours children?
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i live in a semi-poverty stricken area in the uk on a street where there are a lot of families. these families have children from the ages of 8-15. there are approx 30(ish) children on my street and the majority are all incredibly rude and destructive. most of them are still being 'home schooled' but instead of being inside learning, they are out playing in the street. all day long. i mean from 9am til 11pm they are outside.
they are constantly screaming, shouting and swearing. i'm no prude but hearing an eight year old screaming at her brother that he is "a fucking useless piece of shit" is a bit much. they enjoy playing 'chicken' with the traffic, throwing stones at passing and parked cars, laying in the middle of the road, trying to open car doors, playing with windshield wipers until they break and playing 'knock-door-run'. this is all day long, 7 days a week.
many neighbours have complained and told them off but nothing seems to work. we've spoken to the parents but they just look at you blankly and say "so what?" in the end we decided to contact our local community police. i didn't expect much from them, but they actually came out and spoke to the children and their parents. it was basically a slap on the wrist, but the parents are pissed because 'no one warned them first'.
nothing really has changed, except when the kids start screaming and swearing, the parents go out and shout at them.
i was talking about it to my sister and she said that i was the asshole for not respecting the parents position and raising kids is harder than working from home, which i suppose is true but not the point. however i do feel a little bad about it now, because maybe i should've warned the parents? aita for this?
| 490 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s8o3yo/aita_for_phoning_the_police_on_my_neighbours/
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2022-01-20 17:25:16
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nta lockdown is tough but not an excuse to not parent one's children. they have small children who are playing chicken with traffic, which is more than enough reason to instantly call the authorities. the damaging of other people's property doesn't help.
for whatever reason - laziness, immaturity, mental issues, whatever - some parents can't live up to their responsibility to their own children, and the surrounding community should respond to that.
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if the kids are causing property damage, and no one was doing anything about it, it's justified. i hope someone starts a club in your area for the kids. it would be good for them to have some place to go to channel their destructive tendencies. even just a basketball court or a football field has been shown to be beneficial. nta.
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nta
but please learn from this situation
you did not need to discuss this with your sister or anyone. people who aren't in your shoes are not going to understand your perspective.
for the life of me i don't know why people feel the need to discuss things they know will probably generate drama in their lives
as for the parents of the bad kids, they did get a warning by way of their neighbors complaining to them. they did nothing, and now the police are involved.
if the kids continue to act up, continue to involve the authorities.
just don't tell anyone you did this time ok
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nta. it sounds like you tried talking to the parents and reaching out, and the children were putting themselves at risk playing chicken in traffic. throwing rocks at cars can get someone seriously hurt!
imagine how you would have felt if one of the kids lying in the street (?!) had been run over a car and you hadn’t at least attempted to get the authorities involved.
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nta. the children were damaging property, risking getting killed, and disturbing the peace. especially the risking getting killed part. how long before a car hits one of them? will the parents realize the issues then?
also, i love a lot of parts of the uk, but knock door run always gets me. in the us we call it ding dong ditch, and knock door run always makes me smile.
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nta if you had spoken to these parents, they would have probably put a target on your back. their kids are destructive, using fowl language, etc - they're learning this behavior from the adults. aka, not parents that are going to be receptive to any conversation and now you're in neighborhood drama with adults. if they're causing property damage, the nonemergency line is justified.
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i'm leaning nta because you mentioned some destructive and possibly-harmful behaviors, like chucking rocks at cars and running in front of traffic. if it was just the kids being annoying, i wouldn't be so sure, but yeah, one day either one of those kids or someone passing through the neighborhood is going to be hurt.
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nta
unless you want your house and your car to be the target you shouldn't warn them you called the police on them. your sister has a moral standpoint of someone far removed from the situation. she's not the one having to live with it and isnt the one who would be put in danger.
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i mean, the parents aren't oblivious to their children's behaviour, and if they are, then they need to be more proactive parents.
as someone without kids, i try to not talk with parents regarding their parenting because they always tend to fall back on the notion that not having kids equals me not being able to gauge anything.
one time i was on the train home. it was a friday, long weekend and i got off a few hours early. the people on my train were all people who seemed to be enjoying the early train home, until two women and a stroller roll in.
the baby in the stroller is wailing, imagine scream-crying times a hundred. the women clearly do not give one shit and seem like the type who tell you to fuck off if anyone said anything, so no one did.
a long minute goes by before some says, "i think your baby needs you." i couldn't see the person, but the women speaking ignore her. so she says it louder and stands up. i notice an older woman, who no one would question if she was a mother. this time, the women stopped speaking and turned towards her. the apparent mother told the older lady that her baby was fine and that she is interrupting her conversation.
the woman tells her that her baby is not fine and maybe she should choose parenting over speaking with her friend. she said a few more brilliant one-liners before the women were seething with embarrassment and got off at the next stop, which clearly was not the stop they needed.
this was magical, and 100% not the outcome you were going to get. if calling the police is the only way to resolve the situation, i would have done so. clearly it's become an overwhelming situation, especially since the kids have escalated their debauchery by hurling more than just words at each other. going as far as using stones and their bodies (wtf) at vehicles.
nta
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nta.
“we’ve spoken to the parents, but they just look at you blankly and say ‘so what’”
sounds like plenty of people addressed the parents first, and the parents didn’t care. the parents had every chance to take control of their kids before things escalated, and they chose not to.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i live in a semi-poverty stricken area in the uk on a street where there are a lot of families. these families have children from the ages of 8-15. there are approx 30(ish) children on my street and the majority are all incredibly rude and destructive. most of them are still being 'home schooled' but instead of being inside learning, they are out playing in the street. all day long. i mean from 9am til 11pm they are outside. they are constantly screaming, shouting and swearing. i'm no prude but hearing an eight year old screaming at her brother that he is "a fucking useless piece of shit" is a bit much. they enjoy playing 'chicken' with the traffic, throwing stones at passing and parked cars, laying in the middle of the road, trying to open car doors, playing with windshield wipers until they break and playing 'knock-door-run'. this is all day long, 7 days a week. many neighbours have complained and told them off but nothing seems to work. we've spoken to the parents but they just look at you blankly and say "so what?" in the end we decided to contact our local community police. i didn't expect much from them, but they actually came out and spoke to the children and their parents. it was basically a slap on the wrist, but the parents are pissed because 'no one warned them first'. nothing really has changed, except when the kids start screaming and swearing, the parents go out and shout at them. i was talking about it to my sister and she said that i was the asshole for not respecting the parents position and raising kids is harder than working from home, which i suppose is true but not the point. however i do feel a little bad about it now, because maybe i should've warned the parents? aita for this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i live in a semi-poverty stricken area in the uk on a street where there are a lot of families. these families have children from the ages of 8-15. there are approx 30(ish) children on my street and the majority are all incredibly rude and destructive. most of them are still being 'home schooled' but instead of being inside learning, they are out playing in the street. all day long. i mean from 9am til 11pm they are outside. they are constantly screaming, shouting and swearing. i'm no prude but hearing an eight year old screaming at her brother that he is "a fucking useless piece of shit" is a bit much. they enjoy playing 'chicken' with the traffic, throwing stones at passing and parked cars, laying in the middle of the road, trying to open car doors, playing with windshield wipers until they break and playing 'knock-door-run'. this is all day long, 7 days a week. many neighbours have complained and told them off but nothing seems to work. we've spoken to the parents but they just look at you blankly and say "so what?" in the end we decided to contact our local community police. i didn't expect much from them, but they actually came out and spoke to the children and their parents. it was basically a slap on the wrist, but the parents are pissed because 'no one warned them first'. nothing really has changed, except when the kids start screaming and swearing, the parents go out and shout at them. i was talking about it to my sister and she said that i was the asshole for not respecting the parents position and raising kids is harder than working from home, which i suppose is true but not the point. however i do feel a little bad about it now, because maybe i should've warned the parents? aita for this? [/INST] nta lockdown is tough but not an excuse to not parent one's children. they have small children who are playing chicken with traffic, which is more than enough reason to instantly call the authorities. the damaging of other people's property doesn't help. for whatever reason - laziness, immaturity, mental issues, whatever - some parents can't live up to their responsibility to their own children, and the surrounding community should respond to that. </s>
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AITA for telling my MIL that the leftover food she gives us goes into the trash?
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my mil likes to cook a big meal once a week and gift us a portion of that which on the surface sounds really nice and the bonus is that she’s a great cook. however, since we eat with dh’s parents once a week, she sends us home with leftovers.
one issue i have with this, although it’s minor is that dh hates leftovers, even of his favorite meals. he likes a variety throughout the week so nine times out of ten, they get tossed out.
*my* primary issue is that the dishes she sends them home in are gross. especially in the rims of lids, there will be crusted food from previous meals and sometimes black patches that i think are mold.
i’ve tried to remind her that dh doesn’t care for leftovers, i’ve brought my own (clean) empty containers (bad idea; she found that offensive even though i presented it as “hey now we won’t have to worry about getting storage containers back and forth!”).
last week she asked if we’d enjoyed what she sent home and i told her (one on one) that the leftovers go in the trash because one, we very rarely eat them, and two, because the containers she puts them in make me uneasy about safely eating the food because they aren’t clean.
she made a remark about me being ungrateful and left the room and avoided me the rest of the day. she hasn’t been texting which she usually does daily, and hasn’t answered dh’s facetime calls.
i sent a text apologizing for hurting her feelings; no response although i can see it’s been read. so, reddit, aita?
| 1,885 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s5hrzs/aita_for_telling_my_mil_that_the_leftover_food/
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2022-01-16 18:16:05
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nta.
as a chef, your description of the food containers made my skin crawl. that being said… here’s some unsolicited marriage advice from a married couple where both sets of parents suck: he deals with his side of the family, you deal with yours. you will always be an outsider because you married in, it’s nothing personal. so if you say anything that rocks the boat even a little, you will be the bad guy forever. if he rocks the boat, there will be a storm but it’ll pass. your hubby needs to set boundaries with his mom, not you. do this going forward. i wish you the best.
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info: did you ever full out decline the leftovers? a quick: "thank you so much, but we don't usually eat leftovers, we wouldn't want the food to go to waste" and not giving in when she insisted would have saved you quite a bit of trouble. i see you say that you reminded her dh didn't like leftovers, but i wanted to ask if it was a quick comment or a series of full out refusals. and did your husband talk to her previously about this?
you went one day with your own containers so that gives an idea that you at least wanted to eat leftovers, so for you to suddenly say you threw them away it was quite a bait and switch.
also, maybe making a comment when they were being packed as "oh, hold up, i think the dishwasher didn't do a good job on this container, i'm going to scrub it quickly before packing" is usually a polite way to help people notice without truly pointing out that it's a pattern in the house.
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dh is the ah for making you the point of contact on this issue at all.
if your household doesn't want leftovers, then your husband should be less of...excuse me...a pussy, and tell his own mother that.
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nta but i probably would've avoided the hurt feelings and not mentioned the dirty dishes. the fact that no one wants to eat it and you've told her that in the past should be enough
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nta
"i am sorry i hurt your feelings for not lying about enjoying this thing you force on us though i told you a million times how we feel."
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nta, wtf is wrong with her, using dirty containers?
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ex mil used to force the results of hunting/fishing trips on us when i was a veggie householder. it didnt matter how many times i told her i literally didnt know what to do with it, she sneaked it in bags, the car, etc
then one day i got pissed off at finding an 18inch intact fish, cold eye staring at me from my kitchen surface, dripping liquid yuck everywhere, so i wrapped it & put it up high until i decided what to do - & a cat found it. one of the little ones must have told mil, because she went *bananas* that i would 'throw her gifts to an animal' she stopped sending the stuff though, and i wish id known half a freezer ago that all i had to do was offend her just the once (even though she offended me every single time she tried to control what i eat)
id suggest leaving her with her thoughts, you've tried tact, she knows dh doesnt like what she's doing, so she's clearly doing it for her own reasons not out of concern for your needs
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[deleted]
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has anyone tried to get to the bottom of the dirty containers issue? because if this is chronic problem, what else is happening in that kitchen would be concerning. my mom was the no expiration date queen. and not just like a little passed the expire date but like months and years. and my sils and i would regularly throw stuff out when we could get away with it. we also had weekly meals when my mom was alive. and my mom would be annoyed and probably yelled at us, but we would always replace it the next time or offer to run out to the store right then. and we all stuck together and assured her it was for her benefit too.
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nta. the people who are saying just lie and take the food are baffling. honesty is always the best policy and pushy parents need boundaries. your husband needs to tell his mom to stop it. period. you should not be the point of contact for this. you did nothing wrong. you both have told her no thank you multiple times and she has ignored you. now she is playing victim. she needs to stop over stepping. no thank means no. not that we don't know what we want but you do.
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null |
NTA
| 0.010352 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mil likes to cook a big meal once a week and gift us a portion of that which on the surface sounds really nice and the bonus is that she’s a great cook. however, since we eat with dh’s parents once a week, she sends us home with leftovers. one issue i have with this, although it’s minor is that dh hates leftovers, even of his favorite meals. he likes a variety throughout the week so nine times out of ten, they get tossed out. *my* primary issue is that the dishes she sends them home in are gross. especially in the rims of lids, there will be crusted food from previous meals and sometimes black patches that i think are mold. i’ve tried to remind her that dh doesn’t care for leftovers, i’ve brought my own (clean) empty containers (bad idea; she found that offensive even though i presented it as “hey now we won’t have to worry about getting storage containers back and forth!”). last week she asked if we’d enjoyed what she sent home and i told her (one on one) that the leftovers go in the trash because one, we very rarely eat them, and two, because the containers she puts them in make me uneasy about safely eating the food because they aren’t clean. she made a remark about me being ungrateful and left the room and avoided me the rest of the day. she hasn’t been texting which she usually does daily, and hasn’t answered dh’s facetime calls. i sent a text apologizing for hurting her feelings; no response although i can see it’s been read. so, reddit, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my mil likes to cook a big meal once a week and gift us a portion of that which on the surface sounds really nice and the bonus is that she’s a great cook. however, since we eat with dh’s parents once a week, she sends us home with leftovers. one issue i have with this, although it’s minor is that dh hates leftovers, even of his favorite meals. he likes a variety throughout the week so nine times out of ten, they get tossed out. *my* primary issue is that the dishes she sends them home in are gross. especially in the rims of lids, there will be crusted food from previous meals and sometimes black patches that i think are mold. i’ve tried to remind her that dh doesn’t care for leftovers, i’ve brought my own (clean) empty containers (bad idea; she found that offensive even though i presented it as “hey now we won’t have to worry about getting storage containers back and forth!”). last week she asked if we’d enjoyed what she sent home and i told her (one on one) that the leftovers go in the trash because one, we very rarely eat them, and two, because the containers she puts them in make me uneasy about safely eating the food because they aren’t clean. she made a remark about me being ungrateful and left the room and avoided me the rest of the day. she hasn’t been texting which she usually does daily, and hasn’t answered dh’s facetime calls. i sent a text apologizing for hurting her feelings; no response although i can see it’s been read. so, reddit, aita? [/INST] nta. as a chef, your description of the food containers made my skin crawl. that being said… here’s some unsolicited marriage advice from a married couple where both sets of parents suck: he deals with his side of the family, you deal with yours. you will always be an outsider because you married in, it’s nothing personal. so if you say anything that rocks the boat even a little, you will be the bad guy forever. if he rocks the boat, there will be a storm but it’ll pass. your hubby needs to set boundaries with his mom, not you. do this going forward. i wish you the best. </s>
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AITA for calling my sister a fake vegan?
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my sister and i are both vegan, though she has been for much longer. she recently made the assertion that it's fine to not ask if something has dairy/eggs/etc. if there isn't any other possible vegan option to eat when traveling. i thought that was irresponsible as a vegan, and that she was being lazy. her response was that i was being too militant and enforcing my ideas on her. i'm not budging from my position of 100% veganism being the goal, and she is not budging from the position of not bothering to find out if something is vegan when she isn't sure.
| 628 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b7txyk/aita_for_calling_my_sister_a_fake_vegan/
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2019-03-31 22:54:31
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yta, this is why nobody likes vegans. even other vegans are annoyed by how in your face vegan you are. it's a ~~diet~~ lifestyle, not a personality.
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yta
ive been a vegetarian for more than a 1/3 of my life and sometimes you either make compromises or you dont eat
shes being practical, you're being an ass.
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r/gatekeeping
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good god yta you sound insufferable.
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yta, it’s her life. also as a vegan myself and after meeting many other ones over the last 5ish years i’ve done it, there’s a grey area to veganism in this day and age. some people only eat the vegan life. if you buy leather shoes, use certain beeswax, hell even partake in some food dyes that are made out of beetles for food coloring then you’re technically not a true vegan. being a vegan is about doing the best you can to help and save these animals and reduce your waste. plus she could easily say tomorrow she’s just a vegetarian and be just as ok with that choice. your opinion is moot to her, and trying to shove it down her throat doesn’t get it across any easier.
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yta. its her life, not yours.
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yta
you make it sound like being a vegan is a contest. she can eat whatever she likes.
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yta, like you didnt need to say shit bit you did to her
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yta. she can eat whatever she wants.
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yta and also a prime example of an obnoxious militant vegan. your sister's opinion is absolutely practical--if there's no obvious animal product in the food and you have literally no other vegan option, it's better to not ask questions and just eat it rather than go hungry, especially while traveling. i feel like your behavior in this situation is based more on your own ego and a need to feel like you have the moral high ground than any actual concern for animals.
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister and i are both vegan, though she has been for much longer. she recently made the assertion that it's fine to not ask if something has dairy/eggs/etc. if there isn't any other possible vegan option to eat when traveling. i thought that was irresponsible as a vegan, and that she was being lazy. her response was that i was being too militant and enforcing my ideas on her. i'm not budging from my position of 100% veganism being the goal, and she is not budging from the position of not bothering to find out if something is vegan when she isn't sure.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister and i are both vegan, though she has been for much longer. she recently made the assertion that it's fine to not ask if something has dairy/eggs/etc. if there isn't any other possible vegan option to eat when traveling. i thought that was irresponsible as a vegan, and that she was being lazy. her response was that i was being too militant and enforcing my ideas on her. i'm not budging from my position of 100% veganism being the goal, and she is not budging from the position of not bothering to find out if something is vegan when she isn't sure. [/INST] yta, this is why nobody likes vegans. even other vegans are annoyed by how in your face vegan you are. it's a ~~diet~~ lifestyle, not a personality. </s>
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AITA for keeping upon my terms with my son?
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i (44m) live in a country where grading system in schools is like (a1(best) a2, b1, b2, c1, c2, d and f(fail)). my son is in 7th grade and absolutely killing it in his studies. last month he demanded a pair of roller skates (they are pretty costly), i put a condition that i will buy it for him only when he gets a1 in all his subject's half yearly test.
fast forward his half yearly test results came in and voila! he got a1 in ( english, math , science(overall), (regional language) and german.) but a2 in social studies. the cutoff for a1 was 37/40 but he got 35 in it. he was heartbroken, and i could see it. he knew that couldn't fulfill the the requirement/condition(i guess?). tbh, i was a bit delighted that i saved that money.
now my wife says, that we should give those roller skates him anyway, because he studied really hard for this exam and none got a1 in sst in his class( all sections). but i think this would alter his mentality about competition and winning.
my wife says she will gift him those skates on his birthday in dec, i said i'll not pay for it.
(sorry for any grammatical mistakes(if any))
aita?
| 924 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jiysv8/aita_for_keeping_upon_my_terms_with_my_son/
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2020-10-27 10:43:51
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yta - like i could understand if he got a bunch of c’s or d’s
but he barely cut under the score
he did fantastic
give him the skates, make it a lesson
he didn’t reach the terms but he still did amazing and his effort deserves to be rewarded
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yta.
your incentive had the intended effect: encouraging good studying and success at school.
you set an exceedingly high standard, and he almost got there. rewarding him for this effort shows an appreciation for his hard work. you can use the fact that noone got a1s in that class to give a little on the high standards you have set.
it sounds like you are excited for your son to fail so that you could save the money, and that makes you an ah. you should not be rooting against your son, and setting him up to fail is not a good life lesson.
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yta the kid just wanted some skates, worked extremely hard for it, and now is just left hanging because of 2 points on a quiz? that’s shitty. you disincentivize your kid trying when there is no reward.
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yta, one you set the bar way too high. come on you want him to get only all a1. second, you were happy about him failing because you saved money. you wanted him to do well in school and he has. third, if no one got a a1 in the sst in his class that means he got the best grade. the teacher made it so they were not giving out a1, some teachers take a perverse pride in not giving out the highest grade. he should be able to get a reward. fourth, your wife made a great compromise where he will not get the rollerblades for his grades but a gift for his birthday. how can you not want to get your kid what he wants for his birthday?
i am really hoping you are just trolling for no one should be happy about saving money when their kid did hold up his end of the bargain as best as possible.
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yta.
i mean seriously, 2 points? he's in 7th grade, he clearly worked hard. what a great way to diminish his accomplishment and destroy his self-esteem. you're legit saying you won't even get him this item as a birthday present because of 2 points!? i mean, i understand not buying an expensive item for "un-met" terms on a random wednesday, but wtf.
if he had simply asked for the skates as a birthday gift originally and not made this deal with you, would you still have purchased them? i'm willing to bet that answer is probably a yes. buy your kid some damn skates for his birthday.
so, just to clarify- you are the asshole!
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yta
my grandmother had this attitude raising me and my siblings and two of us are competitive in unhealthy ways and perfectionist who constantly stress and the other literally gave up trying anything because what’s the point when it’s never quite good enough?
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yta
look, he succeeded in 5 out of 6. if you *really* want to lay down the law, then he has to contribute a sixth of the price.
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yta - if no one scored an a1, then his a2 is technically the best grade available. stop being cheap and reward his hard work.
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yes, yta.
your wife has a valid point - he worked his butt off and missed by a small margin - but still got an a.
showing your son hard work is rewarded is more important to his mental health and positive outlook, long-term than teaching him that slavish adherence to the letter of the law is required. also, you look really, really petty.
do you want your son to think you're petty and unforgiving?
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yta
are you saying that literally no one got an a1 in the class he got an a2 in? that says more about the teacher than the kids.
also, you are basically saying "oh, if you can't be perfect, might as well not out in any effort at all." he's getting the same stuff for all a1s except one a2 as he would for getting all fs".
i understand the importance of terms, but even in life, there's room for negotiation.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (44m) live in a country where grading system in schools is like (a1(best) a2, b1, b2, c1, c2, d and f(fail)). my son is in 7th grade and absolutely killing it in his studies. last month he demanded a pair of roller skates (they are pretty costly), i put a condition that i will buy it for him only when he gets a1 in all his subject's half yearly test. fast forward his half yearly test results came in and voila! he got a1 in ( english, math , science(overall), (regional language) and german.) but a2 in social studies. the cutoff for a1 was 37/40 but he got 35 in it. he was heartbroken, and i could see it. he knew that couldn't fulfill the the requirement/condition(i guess?). tbh, i was a bit delighted that i saved that money. now my wife says, that we should give those roller skates him anyway, because he studied really hard for this exam and none got a1 in sst in his class( all sections). but i think this would alter his mentality about competition and winning. my wife says she will gift him those skates on his birthday in dec, i said i'll not pay for it. (sorry for any grammatical mistakes(if any)) aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (44m) live in a country where grading system in schools is like (a1(best) a2, b1, b2, c1, c2, d and f(fail)). my son is in 7th grade and absolutely killing it in his studies. last month he demanded a pair of roller skates (they are pretty costly), i put a condition that i will buy it for him only when he gets a1 in all his subject's half yearly test. fast forward his half yearly test results came in and voila! he got a1 in ( english, math , science(overall), (regional language) and german.) but a2 in social studies. the cutoff for a1 was 37/40 but he got 35 in it. he was heartbroken, and i could see it. he knew that couldn't fulfill the the requirement/condition(i guess?). tbh, i was a bit delighted that i saved that money. now my wife says, that we should give those roller skates him anyway, because he studied really hard for this exam and none got a1 in sst in his class( all sections). but i think this would alter his mentality about competition and winning. my wife says she will gift him those skates on his birthday in dec, i said i'll not pay for it. (sorry for any grammatical mistakes(if any)) aita? [/INST] yta - like i could understand if he got a bunch of c’s or d’s but he barely cut under the score he did fantastic give him the skates, make it a lesson he didn’t reach the terms but he still did amazing and his effort deserves to be rewarded </s>
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AITA for calling my brother a piss baby?
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my brother (27m) lives with my parents and i (16m). my brother is a nice guy/incel. he’s constantly ranting about how girls won’t go out with him, and how apparently they’re all dirty whores for not liking him. my parents seem to only encourage his behavior. what’s worse is he’s a gym teacher, so his female students (some of whom are my classmates) are exposed to his nasty ass attitude.
last night, my brother went on another long rant about the latest girl who managed to resist his ‘nice guy charm.’ he kept going on about it, and i got annoyed because of it. i told him, ‘maybe if you weren’t such a piss baby someone would want to date you.’ (piss baby was said because my parents have forbidden the term incel in our house. because my brother gets upset over it. also, it was the first thing i could come up with other than incel)
surprise, my brother gets upset about it. my dad tells me to apologize to my brother, and i tell him i wasn’t going to apologize to a nasty ass piss baby who goes around treating people (mainly women) like shit just because he’s a ‘nice guy.’ things escalate to where my dad, brother and i are all screaming at each other at the dinner table. it ends with me being told to find a friend to stay with for the night, because my parents (and brother) are sooo disappointed in me. i got a long voice mail telling me how disappointing i was. i got told i went too far, and should regret my actions. i don’t regret my actions, and i don’t think i went too far, but whatever.
aita for calling my brother a piss baby?
| 20,333 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gw2p4i/aita_for_calling_my_brother_a_piss_baby/
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2020-06-03 21:07:47
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nta.
let me get this straight:
your parents defended your 27 year old brother from you, 16, to the point that they threw you out of the house?
hell no, you are not the asshole. but it is entirely possible that you live with 3 of them.
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[removed]
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[removed]
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nta.
and your parents are wretched for encouraging his behavior. most people don’t want incels because they’re psychopaths
also, you could get the law involved for them kicking you out since you’re a minor
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nta. also since you were *kicked out of your house* i would say this is the perfect opportunity to contact your guidance counselor or someone else at the school about how awfully your older brother treats you. go in with tears about how you’re bullied at home and then make sure they know this is all done by your brother that teaches gym at your school. might be petty but honestly you’d be saving the girls that have to deal with his attitude in gym. he shouldn’t be a teacher and you can bring it up without seeming vindictive because you got kicked out of the house so it’s your schools responsibility to do something. good luck.
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[removed]
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nta.
you told your brother he’s the problem and of course he’s going to get upset because he doesn’t want to face it. he would rather blame women for his dating problems instead of fix himself
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nta - keep finding new phrases. piss baby is a great start, you got this!
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nta. calling out someone for their mistreatment of women is not wrong. like he should figure out that if no one is wanting to date him that he is the problem. your parents should stop supporting this behavior bc if he continues to believe that he’s the “nice guy” and all the girls are “dirty whores” he’s never gonna be able to stay in a long term relationship.
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[removed]
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother (27m) lives with my parents and i (16m). my brother is a nice guy/incel. he’s constantly ranting about how girls won’t go out with him, and how apparently they’re all dirty whores for not liking him. my parents seem to only encourage his behavior. what’s worse is he’s a gym teacher, so his female students (some of whom are my classmates) are exposed to his nasty ass attitude. last night, my brother went on another long rant about the latest girl who managed to resist his ‘nice guy charm.’ he kept going on about it, and i got annoyed because of it. i told him, ‘maybe if you weren’t such a piss baby someone would want to date you.’ (piss baby was said because my parents have forbidden the term incel in our house. because my brother gets upset over it. also, it was the first thing i could come up with other than incel) surprise, my brother gets upset about it. my dad tells me to apologize to my brother, and i tell him i wasn’t going to apologize to a nasty ass piss baby who goes around treating people (mainly women) like shit just because he’s a ‘nice guy.’ things escalate to where my dad, brother and i are all screaming at each other at the dinner table. it ends with me being told to find a friend to stay with for the night, because my parents (and brother) are sooo disappointed in me. i got a long voice mail telling me how disappointing i was. i got told i went too far, and should regret my actions. i don’t regret my actions, and i don’t think i went too far, but whatever. aita for calling my brother a piss baby?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my brother (27m) lives with my parents and i (16m). my brother is a nice guy/incel. he’s constantly ranting about how girls won’t go out with him, and how apparently they’re all dirty whores for not liking him. my parents seem to only encourage his behavior. what’s worse is he’s a gym teacher, so his female students (some of whom are my classmates) are exposed to his nasty ass attitude. last night, my brother went on another long rant about the latest girl who managed to resist his ‘nice guy charm.’ he kept going on about it, and i got annoyed because of it. i told him, ‘maybe if you weren’t such a piss baby someone would want to date you.’ (piss baby was said because my parents have forbidden the term incel in our house. because my brother gets upset over it. also, it was the first thing i could come up with other than incel) surprise, my brother gets upset about it. my dad tells me to apologize to my brother, and i tell him i wasn’t going to apologize to a nasty ass piss baby who goes around treating people (mainly women) like shit just because he’s a ‘nice guy.’ things escalate to where my dad, brother and i are all screaming at each other at the dinner table. it ends with me being told to find a friend to stay with for the night, because my parents (and brother) are sooo disappointed in me. i got a long voice mail telling me how disappointing i was. i got told i went too far, and should regret my actions. i don’t regret my actions, and i don’t think i went too far, but whatever. aita for calling my brother a piss baby? [/INST] nta. let me get this straight: your parents defended your 27 year old brother from you, 16, to the point that they threw you out of the house? hell no, you are not the asshole. but it is entirely possible that you live with 3 of them. </s>
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AITA for pointing out my colleague is divorced during discussion
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so i was recently dragged into a conversation at work.
a male and female coworker were talking across from me and i'm not sure how they got to this topic because i wasn't paying attention, but the male coworker asked if we thought it was okay for women to become a single mom through a sperm donor.
before i could say anything, my female coworker said she thought it was a bad idea since children need a mom and a dad.
i asked her if she then also thought same-sex couples shouldn't have kids, to which she immediately replied they shouldn't and went on a rampage to defend her point.
now, i have multiple friends that are in a same-sex couple and some of them do have kids and they are amazing parents!
so i pointed out that by her logic, she should not have kids either since she is newly divorced and that means her kids don't have a mom and dad available at all times either.
needless to say, this brought the discussion to a speedy halt.
some coworkers said iata because she had a very bad divorce and still suffers from it, so i shouldn't have brought it up.
i didn't mean to shame her because of getting divorced at all. sometimes there is simply no other solution.
i was just trying to point out that you could easily turn around her arguments against single parents or same-sex parents to reflect on her situation.
so aita?
| 18,674 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kbmzh9/aita_for_pointing_out_my_colleague_is_divorced/
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2020-12-12 10:27:36
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nta
all you did was turn her awful logic on her. if she was hurt by having her own beliefs applied to her, then she should really reevaluate those beliefs.
what she said was wrong and bigoted, going through a tough divorce doesn't excuse her of that.
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esh
these kind of discussions are incredibly unprofessional for a work environment. it shouldn't have started to begin with.
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nta
she's a bigot and a hypocrite. calling her out and thinking her own skewed logic through is not an ah move at all. she made her bed by saying stupid stuff.
you never know who's in the closet and hears her bigotry, so the fact that she says stuff that's not only factually wrong but really hurtful means she doesn't give a damn about others.
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nta. you gave her the rope, she hanged herself with it.
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here’s my “devils advocate” play of the situation:
on one hand, it sounds like you were pulled into a personal discussion where this female coworker was an active and willing participant. the information you shared was relevant, and e did make what could be considered a hurtful comment herself (e.g., for all she knows, someone in the office is gay and hopes to adopt one day). what you said was a relevant and fair argument.
on the other hand, you mentioned the divorce was “very bad” and that could mean all sorts of things. do you mean very bad as in an unfortunate situation by virtue of being a divorce? or very bad like abusive? you also say you don’t mean to shame her but then say “sometimes there is simply no other solution” which leads me to believe you said that knowing it would hurt her.
your female coworker is absolutely an asshole in this situation. as for you, i honestly think you kinda maybe also are an asshole. i’m not saying it wasn’t called for, but at the end of the day intentionally shaming someone is technically an asshole thing to do. esh.
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esh (leaning nta given new info from op mentioned in edit below)
your coworker is a bigot, but it doesn’t say anywhere that they invited you into that conversation.
also, you could have made your point more gently, but just as effectively, by asking “what about people who become single parents after a divorce” rather than shoving her own divorce in her face.
did she deserve that compassion? maybe not. were you ultimately correct? yes, but her ah comments weren’t directed at you in any way and it sounds like you weren’t even involved in the conversation until you decided to shame her.
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nta
people who live in glass houses shouldnt throw stones. you pointed out her logic flaw and its not your issue that she's had a bad divorce.
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nta - don’t fan the fire if you don’t wanna get burned.
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nta
she's a bigot. not going to defend a bigot. she didn't know the status of anyone else around her when she chose to open her mouth at work and spread bigotry. she got hurt in the discussion? she's someone trying to propagate hurt, to actively belittle, denigrate, and discriminate against others, by her very arguments. she went on the attack with her statements, and she got checked...getting hurt was a consequence of that attack. i have little sympathy for her.
with that being said, this seems like a situation where you were right, you did the right thing, and it was the wrong time. this whole conversation shouldn't have started at work, and it can have blowback for all concerned. it's unprofessional for a workplace, and people do have to work together (even if it means working with a bigot).
i don't know how you feel or trust the hr at your place. mine is very good....but yours could be anything. i will say that it's probably worth a chat with your hr before she does, to protect yourself. nothing is as fragile as a bigot called out on their shit, and she could lodge a complaint. so, go to your hr first and apologize and say that you overheard this conversation and it made you very upset. talk about how it made you feel and how you didn't like being at work and hearing that discussion. then say that it led to you speaking up, and that she didn't like it. you can say what you did say and your reasoning in saying it.
end it by saying that next time instead of engaging, you'll report to hr. (that would have been the better course to start with.)
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honestly the whole conversation should have been shut down, because what the fuck. “hey, let’s pass judgement on whether we think other people’s life and family choices are valid” is not really a topic of conversation for work. it’s none of this dude’s business whether women become single moms by choice. if someone asked him to be a donor he can work that out with his actual friends or a therapist.
play stupid games, win stupid prizes. commenting on the ways other people are living their lives wrong opens you up to criticism on your own choices so i think it’s a low blow but fair. but honestly would’ve been better to tell them all to shut it
nta
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.139196 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i was recently dragged into a conversation at work. a male and female coworker were talking across from me and i'm not sure how they got to this topic because i wasn't paying attention, but the male coworker asked if we thought it was okay for women to become a single mom through a sperm donor. before i could say anything, my female coworker said she thought it was a bad idea since children need a mom and a dad. i asked her if she then also thought same-sex couples shouldn't have kids, to which she immediately replied they shouldn't and went on a rampage to defend her point. now, i have multiple friends that are in a same-sex couple and some of them do have kids and they are amazing parents! so i pointed out that by her logic, she should not have kids either since she is newly divorced and that means her kids don't have a mom and dad available at all times either. needless to say, this brought the discussion to a speedy halt. some coworkers said iata because she had a very bad divorce and still suffers from it, so i shouldn't have brought it up. i didn't mean to shame her because of getting divorced at all. sometimes there is simply no other solution. i was just trying to point out that you could easily turn around her arguments against single parents or same-sex parents to reflect on her situation. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i was recently dragged into a conversation at work. a male and female coworker were talking across from me and i'm not sure how they got to this topic because i wasn't paying attention, but the male coworker asked if we thought it was okay for women to become a single mom through a sperm donor. before i could say anything, my female coworker said she thought it was a bad idea since children need a mom and a dad. i asked her if she then also thought same-sex couples shouldn't have kids, to which she immediately replied they shouldn't and went on a rampage to defend her point. now, i have multiple friends that are in a same-sex couple and some of them do have kids and they are amazing parents! so i pointed out that by her logic, she should not have kids either since she is newly divorced and that means her kids don't have a mom and dad available at all times either. needless to say, this brought the discussion to a speedy halt. some coworkers said iata because she had a very bad divorce and still suffers from it, so i shouldn't have brought it up. i didn't mean to shame her because of getting divorced at all. sometimes there is simply no other solution. i was just trying to point out that you could easily turn around her arguments against single parents or same-sex parents to reflect on her situation. so aita? [/INST] nta all you did was turn her awful logic on her. if she was hurt by having her own beliefs applied to her, then she should really reevaluate those beliefs. what she said was wrong and bigoted, going through a tough divorce doesn't excuse her of that. </s>
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AITA for not giving my dad the chance to explain himself because he said I was a waste of space after finding out that I was gay
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two days ago my(22f) dad (52) accidentally found out that i‘m gay. i was listening to music and was on tinder and didn’t notice that he was in the room. he came up behind me and saw what i was doing. there was no point in denying it (he knows how the app works) and i thought that this might be the time to finally get the truth out.
judging by the title you can already guess that it didn’t go well. he started yelling that i was throwing my life away, how disgusting same-sex relationships are and the list goes on. he didn’t let me explain myself at all and left me crying in the room but not before calling me a waste of space. that hurt so much i can‘t even explain it. he had made a few homophobic comments before and i wasn’t sure how he would take my coming out. but i guess i’ve always thought he would be somewhat supportive of his own daughter. i called a friend who picked me up that night and she lets me stay at her place for as long as i need. he reached out yesterday and said he wanted to talk and apologized saying he said all that on the spur of the moment. i haven’t answered yet and don’t really feel like talking. my friends say i don’t owe him anything but he‘s practically all the family i have left and maybe he will come around.
| 5,229 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gdk2kg/aita_for_not_giving_my_dad_the_chance_to_explain/
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2020-05-04 21:01:09
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nta.
he said some pretty horrible things to you. take as much time as you need to think it through. there's no reason to rush. if you're not ready, you're not ready. maybe he does want to sincerely apologize, but that doesn't mean you have to hear him out just yet. take care of yourself first.
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edited because some suggested that i was excusing op's father's bad behavior. that was not my intention.
nta but i wouldn't throw the relationship away (based on this alone, different if there is a pattern of abuse or belittling). dont speak to him until you're ready, if he starts to use that same language with you, leave immediately. protect yourself first and foremost.
his reaction was horrible ~~but i think people forget that you've had years to deal with your sexuality and the change of expectations having to do with that.~~ obviously in a perfect world no one would feel that it was wrong, but in the world we live in i have seen many people change their opinion on this subject after i came out.
my parents are very religious, and we now have an incredible relationship, and it's because i gave them the time and space to deal with it. i think people who say "they're awful people, i cant imagine... blah blah blah" are being naive. people have different upbringings and different beliefs, and they had never had their beliefs challenged in this area. that is never an easy thing. though, for context they never blew up at me in the same way. but they did try to convince me to change, tell me it was unnatural, ect.
tldr: dont let him use hurtful language anymore, dont do anything that will hurt your mental health, but if you love and trust him enough to try to pursue a relationship then show him a little grace about his initial reaction if he apologizes
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nta. even if you choose to repair this relationship it will be on your terms, not his.
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nta. wait until you're ready.
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my pastor said that when people tell their family she recommends that they put a moratorium on questions for a year. in that year the are asked to do some research. after the year has passed they can ask three questions. this boils down all the anxiety to the essentials.
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nta take all the time you need. he's the one who screwed up, you have the power in this situation. keep him on ice until he can accept you for who you are.
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nta having someone you care about brutally attack you for nothing is a terrible thing. coming out not on your terms also sucks.
if he’s reaching out then there’s a chance he regrets what he said and has started to come around but take your time.
do what you need to process, but i would consider giving him another chance.
when i came out, what i did with the people who didn’t accept me was using the three strikes you’re out method.
strike 1 was if they didn’t accept me immediately
strike 2 was if they still couldn’t respect me after regretting what they had said during strike 1 and i had spoken to them again
strike 3 comes well after strike 2 and is if they reach out again in a way that is respectful only to be disrespectful again
after strike 3, contact is cut completely (sometimes strike 2 is enough for complete cut contact)
i’m sorry you’re going through this and the best advice i can give is to take your time in this. let yourself settle before going to speak with him if you choose to.
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nta
if he means what he says about being sorry, you can take your time. if he is sorry and does want your forgiveness, he will understand that he said awful things to you that damaged your trust and relationship.
if you feel comfortable doing so, reach out (or have a friend reach out through your phone) to say you're safe, okay, and that you need time to think, but talking will be on the table when you feel up to it. i'd recommend at least letting him know you're safe (again, a friend can do this part) so he doesn't panic out of fear.
don't tell him where you are, though. even if he only wants to talk to apologize on hands and knees, you should be in control of when that happens. he chose when to hurt you, and you chose when you're ready to forgive.
i'm so sorry you went through all that, too. you're not a waste of space. you're clearly loved and valued by your friends, and you're a welcome part of the big rainbow family. on top of all that, you're a person--you have intrinsic value, and deserve respect and kindness no less than anyone else.
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nta. take a bit of time and both of you can reflect on what the next steps should be. your dad is insensitive to who you are and giving him a chance to explain you should wait a while till he realizes what he could loose
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nta. what he said wasn't an accident. he knew what he was saying. it's your choice if you want to contact him or not but you are absolutely not an asshole if you don't contact him.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: two days ago my(22f) dad (52) accidentally found out that i‘m gay. i was listening to music and was on tinder and didn’t notice that he was in the room. he came up behind me and saw what i was doing. there was no point in denying it (he knows how the app works) and i thought that this might be the time to finally get the truth out. judging by the title you can already guess that it didn’t go well. he started yelling that i was throwing my life away, how disgusting same-sex relationships are and the list goes on. he didn’t let me explain myself at all and left me crying in the room but not before calling me a waste of space. that hurt so much i can‘t even explain it. he had made a few homophobic comments before and i wasn’t sure how he would take my coming out. but i guess i’ve always thought he would be somewhat supportive of his own daughter. i called a friend who picked me up that night and she lets me stay at her place for as long as i need. he reached out yesterday and said he wanted to talk and apologized saying he said all that on the spur of the moment. i haven’t answered yet and don’t really feel like talking. my friends say i don’t owe him anything but he‘s practically all the family i have left and maybe he will come around.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
two days ago my(22f) dad (52) accidentally found out that i‘m gay. i was listening to music and was on tinder and didn’t notice that he was in the room. he came up behind me and saw what i was doing. there was no point in denying it (he knows how the app works) and i thought that this might be the time to finally get the truth out. judging by the title you can already guess that it didn’t go well. he started yelling that i was throwing my life away, how disgusting same-sex relationships are and the list goes on. he didn’t let me explain myself at all and left me crying in the room but not before calling me a waste of space. that hurt so much i can‘t even explain it. he had made a few homophobic comments before and i wasn’t sure how he would take my coming out. but i guess i’ve always thought he would be somewhat supportive of his own daughter. i called a friend who picked me up that night and she lets me stay at her place for as long as i need. he reached out yesterday and said he wanted to talk and apologized saying he said all that on the spur of the moment. i haven’t answered yet and don’t really feel like talking. my friends say i don’t owe him anything but he‘s practically all the family i have left and maybe he will come around. [/INST] nta. he said some pretty horrible things to you. take as much time as you need to think it through. there's no reason to rush. if you're not ready, you're not ready. maybe he does want to sincerely apologize, but that doesn't mean you have to hear him out just yet. take care of yourself first. </s>
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AITA for not letting my pregnant ex move in with me?
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my ex (25f) and i (26f) were together for 6 years, she was always someone i envisioned having a future with. at the beginning of my final semester i realized i would have to make graduating my top priority, and was so buried under work/stress that i told her i needed a break and to take a step back from the relationship. we would meet once/twice month, enabling me to focus on work, my research, and my mental health. she knew that a reason i took finishing school so seriously was so we could start having serious conversations about our future, because i would no longer just be a poor student and could actually bring something to the table in a serious relationship. three/four months after i initiated the break she became distant, and then a few weeks later she suddenly ended things via text. i never really had a chance to process this because i was just focused on graduating, so things just quietly ended and i moved away.
fast-forward to now, over a year since we have last spoken. i have a house, job, and cuddly dogs, so pandemic aside life is good. she reached out to me wanting to meet up and i agreed. i flew her in and immediately noticed she looked pregnant, but i kept my mouth shut because she didn't mention anything. i spent that week showing her around my city, taking her to nice restaurants, doing fun things, etc.
she kept finding reasons to delay her leaving, but we set saturday as the definite last day before she goes home. now she's insisting that she can't go back because, surprise, she is pregnant and needs someone she trusts to help her with the child. apparently this happened after a fling with an ex, but he has drug problems and serious mental health issues, and her other friends/family don't have the means to help. she was already struggling before this after being laid-off due to covid. she claims that she still loves me and wants to be with me, but this feels off. from what i understand i am the only financially stable person who could help, and if i don't she will end up seriously struggling for the next 18+ years because she's not equipped to parent. i told her i can help buy some initial things for the baby, but i won't support her for an extended period of time and she can't stay with me. i'm not destitute, which i'm sure she picked up on during her stay, but i have worked so hard for what i have and i don't want to spend it on a child i don't want.
she hasn't gone a day without telling me that i'm a selfish asshole, i never really loved her, i'm a fake friend, etc. i know she will go back and tell our old friends in my hometown what a monster i am, cementing my reputation as hedonistic, child hating lesbian, but at this point i don't see a way to stay on good terms with everyone in a way that doesn't involve me becoming a caretaker for this child. i understand that becoming a single mother in the middle of a pandemic has to be terrifying, but am i the asshole for deciding to not support her despite having the means to?
| 219 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/heuna6/aita_for_not_letting_my_pregnant_ex_move_in_with/
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2020-06-24 04:58:59
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nta - this is an ex. this is not your responsibility. your initial logic (break up so that you can focus on school and get back later) was pretty flawed, but that doesn't change the fact that this isn't your child and you're not in a relationship with her. you do not owe a duty of care to every child anyone you've ever dated in the past may have at some point now or in the future.
she should be leaving now. it's unreasonable for her to threaten you in your own home. she's overstayed her welcome.
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nta. kick her out. your offer was more than generous, and she's trying to emotionally manipulate you into being her personal atm and security blanket. pack her things and take her to the airport tomorrow.
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nta. she is using you and trying to gas light you into supporting her and the mistake she made.
run.
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nta get away from her, have her go home now. yes, she must be afraid and using you as a post in the wind. i feel for her but she has options. she could give it up, for one. call home now and tell them how she is manipulating you. and she is trying to manipulate you. don't let her. you don't deserve someone staying in your house for the next few days calling you names and being selfish. it doesn't matter what she thinks or what she tells people. if they know you they will know she is lying. anyone else doesn't matter. i am sorry she is putting you in this situation. you don't deserve it. see her as she is, the person who left you, maybe cheated on you, and know if she is that bad off, she can give the child a better life by giving it up. it is not your choice or your problem. if you wanted to do something nice, send her a check in care of her family for some of the things you were talking about. that's it. good luck
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nta - not your circus, not your monkeys. she realizes she's in some deep shit right now and is grasping for some kind of support. she's the a-hole here for insisting on keeping a baby she's ill equipped to raise.
and, honestly, i'd draw a line in the sand. i get the feeling that your "little bit of support" will only set the stage for expectations of more. best to make a clean break here and not get drawn into her drama.
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nta. your financial stability doesn’t obligate you to support someone just because you were once in a relationship with them. your ex is an adult and needs to figure out a way to take care of herself.
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nta, don't give her anything and get her out of your house as soon as possible. i don't know where you are located but some places have ridiculously easy standards for getting established as a "resident" in someone's place and something as simple as staying for a weekend could make them a resident that requires legal eviction if they want to refuse to leave (locations are different, some only require staying overnight, some a few days to a month or just getting a piece of mail or package delivered while they're visiting). based on what you've written she's trying to manipulate you, don't fall for it, get rid ofbher and block off all contact with her.
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nta.
wow.... i’m honestly in shock. send her home.
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nta and don't buy her anything. you don't need to start that dynamic.
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nta. you don't owe her anything. she's your ex, was evasive about her pregnancy, tried to hide why she was there, and immediately became abusive when you refused to help her raise a child it seems like there was never a discussion about. if you're worried about your friends be the one to give them the heads up that she came for a handout, because it sounds like she was going to use you to get on her feet and then bounce
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my ex (25f) and i (26f) were together for 6 years, she was always someone i envisioned having a future with. at the beginning of my final semester i realized i would have to make graduating my top priority, and was so buried under work/stress that i told her i needed a break and to take a step back from the relationship. we would meet once/twice month, enabling me to focus on work, my research, and my mental health. she knew that a reason i took finishing school so seriously was so we could start having serious conversations about our future, because i would no longer just be a poor student and could actually bring something to the table in a serious relationship. three/four months after i initiated the break she became distant, and then a few weeks later she suddenly ended things via text. i never really had a chance to process this because i was just focused on graduating, so things just quietly ended and i moved away. fast-forward to now, over a year since we have last spoken. i have a house, job, and cuddly dogs, so pandemic aside life is good. she reached out to me wanting to meet up and i agreed. i flew her in and immediately noticed she looked pregnant, but i kept my mouth shut because she didn't mention anything. i spent that week showing her around my city, taking her to nice restaurants, doing fun things, etc. she kept finding reasons to delay her leaving, but we set saturday as the definite last day before she goes home. now she's insisting that she can't go back because, surprise, she is pregnant and needs someone she trusts to help her with the child. apparently this happened after a fling with an ex, but he has drug problems and serious mental health issues, and her other friends/family don't have the means to help. she was already struggling before this after being laid-off due to covid. she claims that she still loves me and wants to be with me, but this feels off. from what i understand i am the only financially stable person who could help, and if i don't she will end up seriously struggling for the next 18+ years because she's not equipped to parent. i told her i can help buy some initial things for the baby, but i won't support her for an extended period of time and she can't stay with me. i'm not destitute, which i'm sure she picked up on during her stay, but i have worked so hard for what i have and i don't want to spend it on a child i don't want. she hasn't gone a day without telling me that i'm a selfish asshole, i never really loved her, i'm a fake friend, etc. i know she will go back and tell our old friends in my hometown what a monster i am, cementing my reputation as hedonistic, child hating lesbian, but at this point i don't see a way to stay on good terms with everyone in a way that doesn't involve me becoming a caretaker for this child. i understand that becoming a single mother in the middle of a pandemic has to be terrifying, but am i the asshole for deciding to not support her despite having the means to?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my ex (25f) and i (26f) were together for 6 years, she was always someone i envisioned having a future with. at the beginning of my final semester i realized i would have to make graduating my top priority, and was so buried under work/stress that i told her i needed a break and to take a step back from the relationship. we would meet once/twice month, enabling me to focus on work, my research, and my mental health. she knew that a reason i took finishing school so seriously was so we could start having serious conversations about our future, because i would no longer just be a poor student and could actually bring something to the table in a serious relationship. three/four months after i initiated the break she became distant, and then a few weeks later she suddenly ended things via text. i never really had a chance to process this because i was just focused on graduating, so things just quietly ended and i moved away. fast-forward to now, over a year since we have last spoken. i have a house, job, and cuddly dogs, so pandemic aside life is good. she reached out to me wanting to meet up and i agreed. i flew her in and immediately noticed she looked pregnant, but i kept my mouth shut because she didn't mention anything. i spent that week showing her around my city, taking her to nice restaurants, doing fun things, etc. she kept finding reasons to delay her leaving, but we set saturday as the definite last day before she goes home. now she's insisting that she can't go back because, surprise, she is pregnant and needs someone she trusts to help her with the child. apparently this happened after a fling with an ex, but he has drug problems and serious mental health issues, and her other friends/family don't have the means to help. she was already struggling before this after being laid-off due to covid. she claims that she still loves me and wants to be with me, but this feels off. from what i understand i am the only financially stable person who could help, and if i don't she will end up seriously struggling for the next 18+ years because she's not equipped to parent. i told her i can help buy some initial things for the baby, but i won't support her for an extended period of time and she can't stay with me. i'm not destitute, which i'm sure she picked up on during her stay, but i have worked so hard for what i have and i don't want to spend it on a child i don't want. she hasn't gone a day without telling me that i'm a selfish asshole, i never really loved her, i'm a fake friend, etc. i know she will go back and tell our old friends in my hometown what a monster i am, cementing my reputation as hedonistic, child hating lesbian, but at this point i don't see a way to stay on good terms with everyone in a way that doesn't involve me becoming a caretaker for this child. i understand that becoming a single mother in the middle of a pandemic has to be terrifying, but am i the asshole for deciding to not support her despite having the means to? [/INST] nta - this is an ex. this is not your responsibility. your initial logic (break up so that you can focus on school and get back later) was pretty flawed, but that doesn't change the fact that this isn't your child and you're not in a relationship with her. you do not owe a duty of care to every child anyone you've ever dated in the past may have at some point now or in the future. she should be leaving now. it's unreasonable for her to threaten you in your own home. she's overstayed her welcome. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife "there's nothing such as your house"
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ok, this might be a long story, so let's get some stuff out the way, also, im not a native english speaker, so please excuse any writing errors
1) this is my 2nd wife, first wife passed away a bit over 3 years ago
2) i had 3 kids with my past wife, 2 of which are now in college in our home country (egypt), i had no kids with my current wife
3) i don't live in egypt, im working in ksa, my wife and 3rd child live in ksa with me, we do go to egypt on vacations
4) our house in egypt is big, 2 living rooms, 2 doors, etc. it sort of looks like 2 houses, with a small hallway between the 2 living rooms, however, we usually have the hallway room open as we do move between the 2 living rooms alot (houses are not separated)
5) people involved : m - me
w - wife
sil - sister in law
c - children (ones in egypt)
so, w needed to get some papers from our room back in egypt, she had left the keys with sil when we last went, so sil took the keys and went to house (sil does not live near us), c were sitting at home, and heard movement in the other living room, which scared them, but they decided to check it out, it was sil, she got the papers and decided to stay for 2 days as her home is far, no problem, house is big, besides she's my sil, so there's no issue w her staying
now during those 2 days, she was going around like there's no one in the house, refusing to eat with c, (always bought/made her own food), barely talked to them, and most of the time kept the hallway door closed (locked w a key)
naturally, c got annoyed by that, when i talked to w about it, and told her that sil should have informed c that she was coming instead of just getting in without anyone's knowledge, and shouldn't have locked the hallway door, as c sometimes go to the other living room (honestly didn't care if she didn't wanna interact w c, if she doesn't want to, it's wrong to force an interaction)
w took it really personal, her main point was "why should my sister ask your kids for permission to get into my house, or lock a door in it"
to which i responded to with "there's nothing such as your house! this is everyone's house, your sister should've respected that there are people in that house, she should inform them, not ask for permission, and she shouldn't lock doors for no reason, as it's a really gesture"
she didn't even respond, she just said "i need a break" and left
am i being an a-hole here
was i wrong for getting upset at what sil did??
| 991 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cxy1k2/aita_for_telling_my_wife_theres_nothing_such_as/
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2019-08-31 17:25:38
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nta-everything you said was right. your sil has no right to lock a door in someone else’s home and to restrict access of the occupants. that is a terrible way to treat family.
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you stripped her from an illusion that she owns the place. if you were polite such as you quoted i think nta. you didn't say it's yours, you said it's everyones' and that means she has to share just as the rest of you.
i don't think anyone is a certified asshole though, besides your sil. don't lock doors in a place you have to share with others. your wife's reaction seem immature but not an asshole move. if i were you, though, i'd keep an eye out about how they react to each others' negative actions because if they support those, they might wanna rip you off.
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nta, fist you are right about it being everyone’s house, hopefully you have a prenup so the house goes to your children. what the sil has done is rude and just wrong. also the fact that your wife said that it was her house is a red flag to me.
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nta, your wife seems a little too possessive, and disregarded your children in favor of her sister. incidentally, why did your sil have to go for the papers if the children were there?
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i love that you said "there is no your house, its everyone's"
you are nta at all. you sound like a really great man, i hope the people in your life realize how silly this is and calm down. good luck!
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nta. go home to egypt, rekey all the locks and give your wife instructions that the sil is not allowed to come over without your consent and she is not allowed to take any keys.
nip this in the bud, sounds like the sil has ulterior motive.
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nta, your correct, it’s your family’s house, not one individuals house, sil overstepped by first inviting herself to stay in someone’s house and second by locking the door to a shared room of the house making her ta, your wife is also ta for her reaction and basically taking her sisters side in this
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nta, your wife and sil sounds entitled. set some ground rules, or else your sil will continue to walk all over your kids.
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i'd go nta but honestly you're ta for adding 7 different acronyms and names. i can't tell what the fuck is going on.
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nta - the title made me think you were going to be ta, but what you actually meant was not that it's not your wife's house, but that it's everyone's house. that's cool.
"there's no such thing as 'your house' " i think is what you meant to say.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok, this might be a long story, so let's get some stuff out the way, also, im not a native english speaker, so please excuse any writing errors 1) this is my 2nd wife, first wife passed away a bit over 3 years ago 2) i had 3 kids with my past wife, 2 of which are now in college in our home country (egypt), i had no kids with my current wife 3) i don't live in egypt, im working in ksa, my wife and 3rd child live in ksa with me, we do go to egypt on vacations 4) our house in egypt is big, 2 living rooms, 2 doors, etc. it sort of looks like 2 houses, with a small hallway between the 2 living rooms, however, we usually have the hallway room open as we do move between the 2 living rooms alot (houses are not separated) 5) people involved : m - me w - wife sil - sister in law c - children (ones in egypt) so, w needed to get some papers from our room back in egypt, she had left the keys with sil when we last went, so sil took the keys and went to house (sil does not live near us), c were sitting at home, and heard movement in the other living room, which scared them, but they decided to check it out, it was sil, she got the papers and decided to stay for 2 days as her home is far, no problem, house is big, besides she's my sil, so there's no issue w her staying now during those 2 days, she was going around like there's no one in the house, refusing to eat with c, (always bought/made her own food), barely talked to them, and most of the time kept the hallway door closed (locked w a key) naturally, c got annoyed by that, when i talked to w about it, and told her that sil should have informed c that she was coming instead of just getting in without anyone's knowledge, and shouldn't have locked the hallway door, as c sometimes go to the other living room (honestly didn't care if she didn't wanna interact w c, if she doesn't want to, it's wrong to force an interaction) w took it really personal, her main point was "why should my sister ask your kids for permission to get into my house, or lock a door in it" to which i responded to with "there's nothing such as your house! this is everyone's house, your sister should've respected that there are people in that house, she should inform them, not ask for permission, and she shouldn't lock doors for no reason, as it's a really gesture" she didn't even respond, she just said "i need a break" and left am i being an a-hole here was i wrong for getting upset at what sil did??
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ok, this might be a long story, so let's get some stuff out the way, also, im not a native english speaker, so please excuse any writing errors 1) this is my 2nd wife, first wife passed away a bit over 3 years ago 2) i had 3 kids with my past wife, 2 of which are now in college in our home country (egypt), i had no kids with my current wife 3) i don't live in egypt, im working in ksa, my wife and 3rd child live in ksa with me, we do go to egypt on vacations 4) our house in egypt is big, 2 living rooms, 2 doors, etc. it sort of looks like 2 houses, with a small hallway between the 2 living rooms, however, we usually have the hallway room open as we do move between the 2 living rooms alot (houses are not separated) 5) people involved : m - me w - wife sil - sister in law c - children (ones in egypt) so, w needed to get some papers from our room back in egypt, she had left the keys with sil when we last went, so sil took the keys and went to house (sil does not live near us), c were sitting at home, and heard movement in the other living room, which scared them, but they decided to check it out, it was sil, she got the papers and decided to stay for 2 days as her home is far, no problem, house is big, besides she's my sil, so there's no issue w her staying now during those 2 days, she was going around like there's no one in the house, refusing to eat with c, (always bought/made her own food), barely talked to them, and most of the time kept the hallway door closed (locked w a key) naturally, c got annoyed by that, when i talked to w about it, and told her that sil should have informed c that she was coming instead of just getting in without anyone's knowledge, and shouldn't have locked the hallway door, as c sometimes go to the other living room (honestly didn't care if she didn't wanna interact w c, if she doesn't want to, it's wrong to force an interaction) w took it really personal, her main point was "why should my sister ask your kids for permission to get into my house, or lock a door in it" to which i responded to with "there's nothing such as your house! this is everyone's house, your sister should've respected that there are people in that house, she should inform them, not ask for permission, and she shouldn't lock doors for no reason, as it's a really gesture" she didn't even respond, she just said "i need a break" and left am i being an a-hole here was i wrong for getting upset at what sil did?? [/INST] nta-everything you said was right. your sil has no right to lock a door in someone else’s home and to restrict access of the occupants. that is a terrible way to treat family. </s>
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AITA for not letting my family use my boyfriend's Disney+ account?
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so my boyfriend got disney+ a few months ago and only shared it with me, so it's just the two of us using his account and he's paying for it. i live with my mom so once in a while she'd watch disney+ with me too on the same tv.
now my mom wants me to give his password over to our relatives in a different country (aunts, uncles, in-laws) so they could use it, and i told her no because it's not my account, then she started calling me selfish, "they're our family" etc. and how my aunt's mom died so her having disney+ would make her happy.
for the record, this side of the family is rich and makes a lot more money than my boyfriend's. am i an asshole for not sharing the account considering my aunt's mom died and stuff?
| 890 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ld8tiw/aita_for_not_letting_my_family_use_my_boyfriends/
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2021-02-05 14:56:57
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nta
you're never the asshole for refusing to share someone else's account information.
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nta. having accounts being used in different countries at the same time sounds like a dandy way to piss off a streaming company enough that they refuse your subscription altogether.
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nta. your mom wants to make herself look generous on your boyfriend’s dime. her wealthy extended family probably already have disney of they were at all interested in it.
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nta when someone is generous enough to share their account, you protect that information and don’t abuse it. you are doing exactly that.
this is a good opportunity to work on your resistance to your mom’s guilt-tripping. consider her arguments:
•they’re our family
all well and good but they aren’t your boyfriend’s family so this argument carries no weight.
•aunt will be ‘happy’ to have disney+ after losing her mom.
nope. when my mom died, i couldn’t give a hairy horse fart what was on the television and if anyone suggested the key to quelling my grief was a free streaming service, i would have damn near lost my mind.
guilt is an appropriate emotion when we screw up. don’t let your mom weaponize it against you. next time a simple, “if that’s how you feel, i’m sure our family would appreciate you paying for them to have an account!” and see what she says. hell, you can even throw her arguments back at her, just do it in an upbeat and almost unaware way. “yes, they are family and it would be nice. you should definitely suggest paying for disney+ for a year. wow, you’re so kind, mom,” in your most innocent voice.
good on you for showing your boyfriend that his trust in you was not misplaced.
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nta. it’s not your password to share out
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nta
its not your password to share.
also, sharing across countries would probably end up with his account getting banned.
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nta, when family pull this type of shit it is so gross. it is his account, why the hell should it be shared with random relatives. they suck for thinking this way, suck even harder for having the nerve to ask.
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nta - if your mom isn't willing to spend $8 us dollars a month on her revered family members, your bf absolutely has no obligation. plus, there's a screen limit on each account, too. spreading the password around wouldn't be beneficial if it keeps the account owner from watching it.
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nta. it’s not your password to give out.
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nta...not even close to it.
not your account details to give out. you did the right thing.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my boyfriend got disney+ a few months ago and only shared it with me, so it's just the two of us using his account and he's paying for it. i live with my mom so once in a while she'd watch disney+ with me too on the same tv. now my mom wants me to give his password over to our relatives in a different country (aunts, uncles, in-laws) so they could use it, and i told her no because it's not my account, then she started calling me selfish, "they're our family" etc. and how my aunt's mom died so her having disney+ would make her happy. for the record, this side of the family is rich and makes a lot more money than my boyfriend's. am i an asshole for not sharing the account considering my aunt's mom died and stuff?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my boyfriend got disney+ a few months ago and only shared it with me, so it's just the two of us using his account and he's paying for it. i live with my mom so once in a while she'd watch disney+ with me too on the same tv. now my mom wants me to give his password over to our relatives in a different country (aunts, uncles, in-laws) so they could use it, and i told her no because it's not my account, then she started calling me selfish, "they're our family" etc. and how my aunt's mom died so her having disney+ would make her happy. for the record, this side of the family is rich and makes a lot more money than my boyfriend's. am i an asshole for not sharing the account considering my aunt's mom died and stuff? [/INST] nta you're never the asshole for refusing to share someone else's account information. </s>
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AITA for telling my coworker that I won't come to the rescue if her job gets put on the chopping block?
|
i've been with this firm for almost four years and largely work in my own team since i'm the only executive assistant. there two other assistants whose sole job is to keep the office running and operational. my job is to micromanage the bosses as their ea.
to be honest, the only reason why one of the admins still has her job is because of me. every year before reviews, our bosses express great concern for her usefulness and productivity. they ask for my insight and i've always been honest on her positive traits while purposely avoiding on her short comings.
i try to be the coworker tha i'd like to be so i gave this admin the head's up that i looked out for her and never asked for anything in return. all i ask is do not make more work for me.
well, this year she's made a lot of work for me. it's more like i'm overwhelmed and she has way too much down time which she prefers. i get stuff done so she tries to push her work on me. that pissed me off.
it led to some conflicts and her response was to report me for bullying yet still asking me for favors. i think she thought that i could be bullied into picking up her slack and if i pushed back, then she'd complain that i was mean to her.
i don't need her to do my job and told her so. she's there to back me up, not the other way around.
reviews and next year's staffing budget is being worked on . our firm does well but we are starting to feel the recession and the powers that be are looking to trim payroll. they've already let go of a few people who either had too much free time and/or were not impressing the bosses and/or no one wanted to work with them. those former employees would have slide a year ago.
i have no doubt that when our bosses start to look at their admin team that i will be asked about my coworker. for better or worse, i'm going to be honest that she doesn't do much and is no use to me because it's more work for me to work with her.
had my coworker been better to me, then i'd say something different and positive.
my coworker is very concerned about reviews because she has nothing to show since she didn't do much except collect a check. she asked me about it and it dawned on me that if the roles were reversed, then she'd be campaigning to get me fired.
i told her that her work is going to speak for itself and i will not run interference for her review. that means she's all on her own.
| 548 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y4jjc8/aita_for_telling_my_coworker_that_i_wont_come_to/
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2022-10-15 09:34:41
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nta- she made her bed, now she can sleep in it. you are under no obligation to carry her weight in the job or in reviews.
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nta. but if i were you i'd be cautious though with saying negative things about her to the bosses. it could be viewed by the bosses as retaliation or you being petty after her recent complaints about you 'bullying' her (supposing they know about it). especially since you've never had anything negative to say about her in previous years, but now you suddenly do. if you're not careful you may end up with some damage to your own image and your opinion being seen as less objective and trustworthy by the bosses in the future.
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nta, sounds like she's a squeaky cog and a different person could be more efficient, i'd use the opportunity to prove to the higher ups that you have the ability to weed out the issue if they're looking to trim the fat
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nta, however given that she's already leaning towards complaining about you bullying her i worry that you're opening yoursef up to problems by being so honest with her. she can now try to angle it as you trying to get her fired because you don't like her and you're a nasty bully, not because she's useless.
i would recommend that you instead take more of a two-pronged approach:
1. when she goes "i'm worried about my review" then just go blank and respond with things like "i don't think it's appropriate for me to get involved, your work should be between you and \[line manager\], or "that's for you to discuss with \[line manager\]."
2. if she keeps trying to palm work off on you then reply with "i'm sorry i don't have resource to take on extra work right now". make sure you're keeping a to-do list of tasks for yourself so that if she complains about it you can then pull out the list and go "these are things i've been doing recently, i would need to deprioritise some of them in order to take her work on too". if she tries to do it in person rather than email then email her with something like "following on from our conversation this morning, i just want to reiterate that i don't currently have resource to take on these tasks. but i do understand that you're struggling so maybe you should speak to \[line manager\] so they can help you identify what's a priority and what can be left." you need to appear to be supportive but non-commital.
ultimately you just need to keep pushing her onto to people that are actually supposed to be managing her and her work. she'll either realise she needs to start pulling her weight as she'll be embarassed to raise it with management, or they'll become more aware of how little she's doing and will start to watch her more closely.
that being said, this is all dependent on bosses being decent and the company being decent too. if they're not then i'm afraid you're a bit stuffed.
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nta
however, i'd say in the past esh, as you covered for her, which prevented her from being held accountable for her poor work ethic and output.
you enabled her up until this year.
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op, my take is that this absolutely does not belong here. the average redditor is college aged and many of those who do work tend toward fields like it where interpersonal relations count for a lot less than it would at your job. there is good advice here, but a lot of people are saying “tell your bosses everything, be the one to bring attention to this,” which even if you are reading the situation 100% correctly (and you might not be—her managers might know things you don’t), can backfire as you will be seen as a troublemaker and a tattletale.
the website ask a manager probably had a post with a similar situation to this, and i am sure there are workplace advice subs that are better equipped to ask the correct questions about the dynamics described here.
i’ve had times where i have been completely in the right but pushed an issue and it made the workplace more negative in general. i like the advice @nannyoggsknickers gave, but the proper sub for this would have qualified people weighing in. yta if you go off the advice of a bunch of teenagers.
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nta
not only is she lazy, but she’s actively making your job harder and when she doesn’t get her way trying to get you in trouble.
telling the truth doesn’t make you the a h
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i've been with this firm for almost four years and largely work in my own team since i'm the only executive assistant. there two other assistants whose sole job is to keep the office running and operational. my job is to micromanage the bosses as their ea. to be honest, the only reason why one of the admins still has her job is because of me. every year before reviews, our bosses express great concern for her usefulness and productivity. they ask for my insight and i've always been honest on her positive traits while purposely avoiding on her short comings. i try to be the coworker tha i'd like to be so i gave this admin the head's up that i looked out for her and never asked for anything in return. all i ask is do not make more work for me. well, this year she's made a lot of work for me. it's more like i'm overwhelmed and she has way too much down time which she prefers. i get stuff done so she tries to push her work on me. that pissed me off. it led to some conflicts and her response was to report me for bullying yet still asking me for favors. i think she thought that i could be bullied into picking up her slack and if i pushed back, then she'd complain that i was mean to her. i don't need her to do my job and told her so. she's there to back me up, not the other way around. reviews and next year's staffing budget is being worked on . our firm does well but we are starting to feel the recession and the powers that be are looking to trim payroll. they've already let go of a few people who either had too much free time and/or were not impressing the bosses and/or no one wanted to work with them. those former employees would have slide a year ago. i have no doubt that when our bosses start to look at their admin team that i will be asked about my coworker. for better or worse, i'm going to be honest that she doesn't do much and is no use to me because it's more work for me to work with her. had my coworker been better to me, then i'd say something different and positive. my coworker is very concerned about reviews because she has nothing to show since she didn't do much except collect a check. she asked me about it and it dawned on me that if the roles were reversed, then she'd be campaigning to get me fired. i told her that her work is going to speak for itself and i will not run interference for her review. that means she's all on her own.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i've been with this firm for almost four years and largely work in my own team since i'm the only executive assistant. there two other assistants whose sole job is to keep the office running and operational. my job is to micromanage the bosses as their ea. to be honest, the only reason why one of the admins still has her job is because of me. every year before reviews, our bosses express great concern for her usefulness and productivity. they ask for my insight and i've always been honest on her positive traits while purposely avoiding on her short comings. i try to be the coworker tha i'd like to be so i gave this admin the head's up that i looked out for her and never asked for anything in return. all i ask is do not make more work for me. well, this year she's made a lot of work for me. it's more like i'm overwhelmed and she has way too much down time which she prefers. i get stuff done so she tries to push her work on me. that pissed me off. it led to some conflicts and her response was to report me for bullying yet still asking me for favors. i think she thought that i could be bullied into picking up her slack and if i pushed back, then she'd complain that i was mean to her. i don't need her to do my job and told her so. she's there to back me up, not the other way around. reviews and next year's staffing budget is being worked on . our firm does well but we are starting to feel the recession and the powers that be are looking to trim payroll. they've already let go of a few people who either had too much free time and/or were not impressing the bosses and/or no one wanted to work with them. those former employees would have slide a year ago. i have no doubt that when our bosses start to look at their admin team that i will be asked about my coworker. for better or worse, i'm going to be honest that she doesn't do much and is no use to me because it's more work for me to work with her. had my coworker been better to me, then i'd say something different and positive. my coworker is very concerned about reviews because she has nothing to show since she didn't do much except collect a check. she asked me about it and it dawned on me that if the roles were reversed, then she'd be campaigning to get me fired. i told her that her work is going to speak for itself and i will not run interference for her review. that means she's all on her own. [/INST] nta- she made her bed, now she can sleep in it. you are under no obligation to carry her weight in the job or in reviews. </s>
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AITA for judging my bf for what he said while drunk and not helping him home?
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my bf and i went out for drinks on sat and it’s been months since we drank so he got pretty drunk. i was tipsy but still ok and then we were walking in the mall and he saw a lady breast feeding. she was covering herself and the baby with a blanket but it was pretty obvious what she was doing. he said (paraphrased) “ew she’s not hot enough to be showing herself off like that”. i shoved his arm because that was insanely rude and he said it loud enough for her to hear and she did look up from what she was doing. he got annoyed and said “it’s true no one wants to see a saggy fat woman’s tits out.”
i was pretty shocked and walked away as fast of possible since some people were starting to record him because i didn’t want to be seen with him or deal with him any longer. i decided to walk home and texted bf’s friend to pick him up since he lived farther away. the friend picked him up and i got home and went to sleep. he called me the next day angry that i had left him behind and i told him what he said and he claims he doesn’t remember any of it and is mad at me for not helping him home. i’m still pretty pissed at what he said and i don’t know if it’s just him being drunk or it’s what he actually thinks and just hasn’t said out loud before.
| 3,790 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xv7gqa/aita_for_judging_my_bf_for_what_he_said_while/
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2022-10-04 06:26:56
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nta. when someone shows you who they are, believe them.
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nta! drunk words are sober thoughts. you should def think about leaving him, cuz imagine in the long run you body changes and he says ignorant and degrading things about you. save yourself from the trouble of dealing with people like him!
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nta. why are you dating this person? he sounds insufferable.
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unless blackout drunk misogynistic assholes are your type, you should consider ending this relationship. not sure if you see a long term future involving children with this man, but try to envision him calling you “fat and saggy” and shaming you as you try to feed your child into the fantasy and see how you feel about it. you’re nta for leaving him last night and ywnbta for leaving the whole relationship.
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nta. he is still responsible for his actions when he is drunk. just because he doesn’t remember it doesn’t take back that he possibly ruined that poor woman’s day.
imagine being a new mom: struggling to get a good nights rest, no time to yourself, your body undergoing insane changes to support a tiny human. finally you try to go out and enjoy what little free time you can steal for yourself— you have to bring the baby with, though— and now some drunk guy stumbles past you and calls you a “saggy fat woman” and “not hot enough” to feed your own child in public— even though you were concealing the feeding under a blanket! and it doesn’t sound like anyone even told her “sorry”.
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nta - your bf is a jerk. being drunk doesn’t excuse it, it explains why he said it, he’s a jerk for thinking like that. you want him thinking about you that way? ditch him.
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nta but please end this relationship. not only did he sexualise a woman feeding her child, by saying only hot women should be allowed to do this in public (therefore we only exist for his enjoyment); but he has shown you that he is too immature to understand that women's bodies are more than sexual objects, and change with time. do you really want to be with someone who is openly nasty to a mother in public? i bet she felt humiliated and small, and if you say with him, you're co-signing for his behaviour.
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his reaction to you telling him what happened is important here. instead of being mortified by what he said and embarrassing you and insulting the poor new mother, he got defensive and attacked you for not helping him. he believes the only victim here is him. nta
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nta. being drunk lowers inhibitions and shows what’s under the surface and people tend to speak their mind more. are you sure you want to be dating someone who thinks what he was saying?
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nta. and you can do better, sis. he didn't think those things because of the alcohol. he already thought of women as objects for him to look at, otherwise those thoughts sexualizing amd insulting a breastfeeding mother would never have crossed his mind drunk or sober. the only thing the alcohol did was make his voice his thoughts. this really the kind of guy you want in your life? he seem like a dependable life partner to you?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my bf and i went out for drinks on sat and it’s been months since we drank so he got pretty drunk. i was tipsy but still ok and then we were walking in the mall and he saw a lady breast feeding. she was covering herself and the baby with a blanket but it was pretty obvious what she was doing. he said (paraphrased) “ew she’s not hot enough to be showing herself off like that”. i shoved his arm because that was insanely rude and he said it loud enough for her to hear and she did look up from what she was doing. he got annoyed and said “it’s true no one wants to see a saggy fat woman’s tits out.” i was pretty shocked and walked away as fast of possible since some people were starting to record him because i didn’t want to be seen with him or deal with him any longer. i decided to walk home and texted bf’s friend to pick him up since he lived farther away. the friend picked him up and i got home and went to sleep. he called me the next day angry that i had left him behind and i told him what he said and he claims he doesn’t remember any of it and is mad at me for not helping him home. i’m still pretty pissed at what he said and i don’t know if it’s just him being drunk or it’s what he actually thinks and just hasn’t said out loud before.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my bf and i went out for drinks on sat and it’s been months since we drank so he got pretty drunk. i was tipsy but still ok and then we were walking in the mall and he saw a lady breast feeding. she was covering herself and the baby with a blanket but it was pretty obvious what she was doing. he said (paraphrased) “ew she’s not hot enough to be showing herself off like that”. i shoved his arm because that was insanely rude and he said it loud enough for her to hear and she did look up from what she was doing. he got annoyed and said “it’s true no one wants to see a saggy fat woman’s tits out.” i was pretty shocked and walked away as fast of possible since some people were starting to record him because i didn’t want to be seen with him or deal with him any longer. i decided to walk home and texted bf’s friend to pick him up since he lived farther away. the friend picked him up and i got home and went to sleep. he called me the next day angry that i had left him behind and i told him what he said and he claims he doesn’t remember any of it and is mad at me for not helping him home. i’m still pretty pissed at what he said and i don’t know if it’s just him being drunk or it’s what he actually thinks and just hasn’t said out loud before. [/INST] nta. when someone shows you who they are, believe them. </s>
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AITA for being honest with MIL's ex's wife and ruining Christmas?
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my husband and i currently live with mil to save money. i do appreciate it but she is a lot.
mil and her ex have five year old twin girls. we will call her ex "derek" derek is married to a very sweet young woman who i think is lovely and i feel bad for her for having derek in her life. we will call her "annie" for some background derek is absolutely in love with mil. she is always going to be the one that got away in his mind.
mil called derek pissed last night as he did some prank on the twins with an elf on the shelf and they wouldn't sleep. she demanded he come over and deal with what he did, so derek did come over and try to help her get them to sleep, but derek is an idiot so when i went to bed at like 1 am the kids were running and jumping on furniture.
well i woke up at seven and the kids were looking for their gifts and pissed about santa being late, so i went and knocked on mil's door and she said to come in. she was in bed with derek. i told her the twins were up, she thanked me, and i went back to what i was doing.
then i got a social media message from annie saying she had been contacting derek for hours and was worried. she called my phone right after and i was honest and said he was in mil's room and i would go and get him. well annie flipped shit and came over.
she tried coming in to confront mil but mil wouldn't let her in. derek went outside and they were screaming in the yard while the twins were trying to open gifts. both kids kept getting distracted. then annie was banging on the door. derek finally got back in the house and was an emotional wreck. mil got mad at him for ruining christmas and grabbed the twins and locked herself in her bedroom. derek proceeded to sit on the couch and drink.
well mil found out that i told annie the in bed part and blew up on me about how i'm a self righteous bitch, i have more pity for annie than the woman housing me, and i ruined her kids christmas. she is threatening to evict us and derek screamed at me, but idk if i'm the asshole. i think she had the right to know.
| 379 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zv2f1w/aita_for_being_honest_with_mils_exs_wife_and/
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2022-12-25 17:29:49
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nta but jesus what did you marry into? i hope annie has the self esteem to leave that derek and that your husband has fallen very very far from the tree.
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lol i wish i had popcorn while reading this.
your mil is an ah. derek is an ah.
i feel bad for annie- why string her along then if you’re going to be sleeping in bed with your ex? wtf is that about?
i don’t think you’re the ah per se…..but you did release some wild tea there🤣
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nta
they ruined everyone's christmas - literally everyone's - by cheating. i feel terrible for annie finding out her husband is cheating on her with his ex on christmas but at least she knows now. not sure saving money is worth this drama though.
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nta why is derek married to annie if he still has a relationship with mil? this is so weird
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the jerry springer of it all! nta. it’s their own fault, not yours for telling, and i have no sympathy for cheaters. get out of there as soon as you can.
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i n f o why did mil and derek get divorced? i want the tea lol she clearly is still sleeping with him so i wanna know
you clearly were nta.
annie deserved to know so she can divorce derek's butt and he can continue to sleep with mil lol.
as far as everyone else goes i feel bad for their kids. they are in for one dysfunctional childhood it sounds like.
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did you do the right thing? yes. did you ruin christmas? no. can you keep living there and are you going to ever have a good relationship with your mil again? nope and nope.
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nta. jesus wept.
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you're nta for telling annie the truth, as someone that has been cheated on and had everyone that knew keep quiet i thank you on behalf of annie, i wish someone told me.
with that said i don't think today was the day to let her in on it, i personally would have ignored her call, gone and told derek that if he didn't talk to his wife you would and you wouldn't be lying for them. let him deal with that for the day, let the kids have a calm christmas, then blow shit up tomorrow. but no matter what you could never be ta for outing a lying cheater.
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nta but i would’ve waited to tell her for the kid’s sake. i’ve had family fight on christmas like that and it really stays with you and taints the holiday
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i currently live with mil to save money. i do appreciate it but she is a lot. mil and her ex have five year old twin girls. we will call her ex "derek" derek is married to a very sweet young woman who i think is lovely and i feel bad for her for having derek in her life. we will call her "annie" for some background derek is absolutely in love with mil. she is always going to be the one that got away in his mind. mil called derek pissed last night as he did some prank on the twins with an elf on the shelf and they wouldn't sleep. she demanded he come over and deal with what he did, so derek did come over and try to help her get them to sleep, but derek is an idiot so when i went to bed at like 1 am the kids were running and jumping on furniture. well i woke up at seven and the kids were looking for their gifts and pissed about santa being late, so i went and knocked on mil's door and she said to come in. she was in bed with derek. i told her the twins were up, she thanked me, and i went back to what i was doing. then i got a social media message from annie saying she had been contacting derek for hours and was worried. she called my phone right after and i was honest and said he was in mil's room and i would go and get him. well annie flipped shit and came over. she tried coming in to confront mil but mil wouldn't let her in. derek went outside and they were screaming in the yard while the twins were trying to open gifts. both kids kept getting distracted. then annie was banging on the door. derek finally got back in the house and was an emotional wreck. mil got mad at him for ruining christmas and grabbed the twins and locked herself in her bedroom. derek proceeded to sit on the couch and drink. well mil found out that i told annie the in bed part and blew up on me about how i'm a self righteous bitch, i have more pity for annie than the woman housing me, and i ruined her kids christmas. she is threatening to evict us and derek screamed at me, but idk if i'm the asshole. i think she had the right to know.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i currently live with mil to save money. i do appreciate it but she is a lot. mil and her ex have five year old twin girls. we will call her ex "derek" derek is married to a very sweet young woman who i think is lovely and i feel bad for her for having derek in her life. we will call her "annie" for some background derek is absolutely in love with mil. she is always going to be the one that got away in his mind. mil called derek pissed last night as he did some prank on the twins with an elf on the shelf and they wouldn't sleep. she demanded he come over and deal with what he did, so derek did come over and try to help her get them to sleep, but derek is an idiot so when i went to bed at like 1 am the kids were running and jumping on furniture. well i woke up at seven and the kids were looking for their gifts and pissed about santa being late, so i went and knocked on mil's door and she said to come in. she was in bed with derek. i told her the twins were up, she thanked me, and i went back to what i was doing. then i got a social media message from annie saying she had been contacting derek for hours and was worried. she called my phone right after and i was honest and said he was in mil's room and i would go and get him. well annie flipped shit and came over. she tried coming in to confront mil but mil wouldn't let her in. derek went outside and they were screaming in the yard while the twins were trying to open gifts. both kids kept getting distracted. then annie was banging on the door. derek finally got back in the house and was an emotional wreck. mil got mad at him for ruining christmas and grabbed the twins and locked herself in her bedroom. derek proceeded to sit on the couch and drink. well mil found out that i told annie the in bed part and blew up on me about how i'm a self righteous bitch, i have more pity for annie than the woman housing me, and i ruined her kids christmas. she is threatening to evict us and derek screamed at me, but idk if i'm the asshole. i think she had the right to know. [/INST] nta but jesus what did you marry into? i hope annie has the self esteem to leave that derek and that your husband has fallen very very far from the tree. </s>
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AITA for refusing to change my wedding date because my brother has a final exam?
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throwaway in case my family (?) sees this.
i (25f) am marrying the love of my life ali (26f) on april 11th; we've been planning it since november, which is a quick compared to most weddings, but the perfect venue just happened to have an opening since it's out of season, we got a deal, so we jumped on it. it's absolutely perfect. it will be a mid-sized wedding, about 60-65 people.
my brother (30m) went back to college a couple years ago and is taking classes part-time to get his diploma. he is in his last semester taking 1 class. his final exam was tbd when he signed up for his courses for this semester in december. well, he just found out a few days ago it's the morning of april 13th, 2 days after my wedding.
i didn't think this was an issue, until he told me i would either have to move my wedding date or he wouldn't be able to come because he'd have to study for his exam. i was so confused. i asked him why he couldn't study on the sunday. he said he would probably be too hungover and tired after my wedding to study. i told him then maybe he shouldn't get drunk and leave the wedding shortly after dinner rather than party all night.
he said i was being selfish and he's been working so hard for his diploma and didn't want to ruin it, and besides my wedding wasn't a 'real wedding' either since we're both girls and planned this in such short order. he said it 'shouldn't be a big deal to at least ask the venue to push it back a week or two' because he has no idea how venues work.
i'm so angry about his insulting comments and i have no intention of moving my wedding. i told him if that's his attitude about my marriage i don't want him there anyways.
today, i got a phone call from my mom saying she was 'sure he'd apologize' and i shouldn't 'stop him from coming to my wedding.' i said he was free to make his own choices, but if he showed up to my wedding, i wouldn't talk to him, and if he didn't show up, clearly he's made his decision. she said i need to understand his pov. this was a cheap shot i admit, but i said 'it's not my fault he waited until he was 28 to go to college. i'm not putting my life on hold for him."
so reddit, aita? i don't think any of this shit is fair to me, but i'm willing to hear more rational people out. i think i may already be in stress mode from all this planning, and my fiancée broke her ankle so this was just like one more fucking thing.
edit i am reviewing all the responses. thank you.
| 213 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fcpt8o/aita_for_refusing_to_change_my_wedding_date/
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2020-03-03 05:21:24
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nta. if your brother doesn’t view this as a real wedding, why would you even want him there?
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nta.
i'm around your brother's age going back to college as well. he can miss one day of study (study earlier), and if it's such a huge issue he can ask his professor to take the test early and have it done with before your wedding.
i think it's pretty crazy for him to ask you to move your wedding to accommodate his study. who thinks this is a reasonable ask?
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nta, what the hell? i would understand him being upset if the wedding was on the same day, but what’s keeping him from studying in advance? and then he’s homophobic to top it off? cut him out of your life right now.
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definitely nta. your brother, on the other hand, would qualify as an asshole. he sounds selfish, lazy, and homophobic. i’m glad you’re sticking to your guns!
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nta. it isn’t until april; he has plenty of time to figure out a study schedule. also, “not a real wedding” wtf?!?
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this some bullshit. he can study the next 5 weeks before your wedding. nta, and obviously don't attempt to move your wedding, but you also don't need to escalate the implosion of the relationship with your brother by ignoring him at your wedding reception. give him a chance to make peace.
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nta - has your brother considered perhaps studying ahead of time for the final, or maybe speaking to his professor about taking the final earlier?
knowing all the planning and choreography that goes into a wedding it's completely unreasonable to ask you to change the entire event just to accommodate one person, *especially since the final is not even on that day and there are other alternatives for your brother to attend and still do well on the final.*
i think he needs to put his big boy pants on and figure out how to pass a final 2 days after attending a wedding.
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nta
it’s 2 days later. tell him to man up for once in his gd life and quit bitching about a degree that obviously hasn’t made him any smarter and is a decade late.
or whatever... it’s your bag, man.
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nta he’s definitely ta
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nta. blatant homophobia aside, he is taking literally only one class. if he doesn't know the material for the only class he is taking well enough by your wedding, those two days of studying won't be able to save him. you've done as much as you can, now it's up to him to (first apologize) prioritize and manage his own time.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway in case my family (?) sees this. i (25f) am marrying the love of my life ali (26f) on april 11th; we've been planning it since november, which is a quick compared to most weddings, but the perfect venue just happened to have an opening since it's out of season, we got a deal, so we jumped on it. it's absolutely perfect. it will be a mid-sized wedding, about 60-65 people. my brother (30m) went back to college a couple years ago and is taking classes part-time to get his diploma. he is in his last semester taking 1 class. his final exam was tbd when he signed up for his courses for this semester in december. well, he just found out a few days ago it's the morning of april 13th, 2 days after my wedding. i didn't think this was an issue, until he told me i would either have to move my wedding date or he wouldn't be able to come because he'd have to study for his exam. i was so confused. i asked him why he couldn't study on the sunday. he said he would probably be too hungover and tired after my wedding to study. i told him then maybe he shouldn't get drunk and leave the wedding shortly after dinner rather than party all night. he said i was being selfish and he's been working so hard for his diploma and didn't want to ruin it, and besides my wedding wasn't a 'real wedding' either since we're both girls and planned this in such short order. he said it 'shouldn't be a big deal to at least ask the venue to push it back a week or two' because he has no idea how venues work. i'm so angry about his insulting comments and i have no intention of moving my wedding. i told him if that's his attitude about my marriage i don't want him there anyways. today, i got a phone call from my mom saying she was 'sure he'd apologize' and i shouldn't 'stop him from coming to my wedding.' i said he was free to make his own choices, but if he showed up to my wedding, i wouldn't talk to him, and if he didn't show up, clearly he's made his decision. she said i need to understand his pov. this was a cheap shot i admit, but i said 'it's not my fault he waited until he was 28 to go to college. i'm not putting my life on hold for him." so reddit, aita? i don't think any of this shit is fair to me, but i'm willing to hear more rational people out. i think i may already be in stress mode from all this planning, and my fiancée broke her ankle so this was just like one more fucking thing. edit i am reviewing all the responses. thank you.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway in case my family (?) sees this. i (25f) am marrying the love of my life ali (26f) on april 11th; we've been planning it since november, which is a quick compared to most weddings, but the perfect venue just happened to have an opening since it's out of season, we got a deal, so we jumped on it. it's absolutely perfect. it will be a mid-sized wedding, about 60-65 people. my brother (30m) went back to college a couple years ago and is taking classes part-time to get his diploma. he is in his last semester taking 1 class. his final exam was tbd when he signed up for his courses for this semester in december. well, he just found out a few days ago it's the morning of april 13th, 2 days after my wedding. i didn't think this was an issue, until he told me i would either have to move my wedding date or he wouldn't be able to come because he'd have to study for his exam. i was so confused. i asked him why he couldn't study on the sunday. he said he would probably be too hungover and tired after my wedding to study. i told him then maybe he shouldn't get drunk and leave the wedding shortly after dinner rather than party all night. he said i was being selfish and he's been working so hard for his diploma and didn't want to ruin it, and besides my wedding wasn't a 'real wedding' either since we're both girls and planned this in such short order. he said it 'shouldn't be a big deal to at least ask the venue to push it back a week or two' because he has no idea how venues work. i'm so angry about his insulting comments and i have no intention of moving my wedding. i told him if that's his attitude about my marriage i don't want him there anyways. today, i got a phone call from my mom saying she was 'sure he'd apologize' and i shouldn't 'stop him from coming to my wedding.' i said he was free to make his own choices, but if he showed up to my wedding, i wouldn't talk to him, and if he didn't show up, clearly he's made his decision. she said i need to understand his pov. this was a cheap shot i admit, but i said 'it's not my fault he waited until he was 28 to go to college. i'm not putting my life on hold for him." so reddit, aita? i don't think any of this shit is fair to me, but i'm willing to hear more rational people out. i think i may already be in stress mode from all this planning, and my fiancée broke her ankle so this was just like one more fucking thing. edit i am reviewing all the responses. thank you. [/INST] nta. if your brother doesn’t view this as a real wedding, why would you even want him there? </s>
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AITA for getting upset at my BF's answer to a question HE asked?
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**context:** my bf and i have been dating for 1 year. at the beginning of our relationship, he broke my heart multiple times because he went back to his ex, had unresolved issues and couldn't decide between me or her. i decided to stay anyway, he went to therapy, now we are happy and live together. he always said he wanted to leave the city we live in right now. i lost my job because of covid, couldn't find anything here in this city, asked him if he would be willing to move together elsewhere. he said yes. i managed to find a great opportunity abroad. he decided in the end he wanted to stay here. at first he didn't want long distance, in the end he said he would try because i am worth it but he thinks it will be too hard for him. (my idea is to move abroad for 6months all the while looking for a job in our current city, hoping companies start hiring again, so i can come back here).
**the issue:** yesterday he said he wanted to ask me a question, and to be honest. he said "knowing what we have now, and all the suffering we endured at the beginning of our relationship, would you choose to do it again?". i said "yes". then i asked him, "how about you?" . he said "if you'd asked me 1 month ago, i would've said yes. now that i know that you're going to move away, i'm not so sure". i was kinda hurt, he said he's just saying that he's afraid i'm going to make him suffer, we stopped talking about it. this morning i was thinking about it again and it still hurt. he saw i was crying and he got mad, he said his question was just for fun when he asked it but when i asked it i was trying to trap him, to "test" him if i loved him enough, and only one answer was possible for me. he said it was a hypothetical question that could never come true and "it's impossible to talk to me".
i don't think i trapped him, i just asked him "and you?" to a question he asked me, and the answer he gave was not very nice. aita for getting upset?
tldr: bf asked if i could go back, would i still go out with him. i said yes and asked him the same question, he said he wasn't so sure, the got mad because his answer upset me. aita?
| 171 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hv5m7l/aita_for_getting_upset_at_my_bfs_answer_to_a/
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2020-07-21 11:20:28
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nta. only one year in, it shouldn’t be that hard. he is being manipulative trying to get you to give up an opportunity. dtmfa.
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what? no! you're nta. he is though. for everything. the back and forthing, the committing to moving abroad, then changing his mind, then asking you a question, then changing his mind about wanting to hear the answer.
i'm sorry, op, but i think your bf doesn't know what he wants and therapy hasn't made it better. consider very carefully if you still want to commit yourself to him, knowing that he will likely change his mind about you, work, idk his underwear, etc.
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nta, he basically set up a rope trap to catch his dinner, walked away but then did a complete 180 and got strung up on a tree on the very trap he just setup.
&#x200b;
how did he not expect to get asked the question back? he probably just didn't expect his answer to hurt you this much and is trying to finagle his way out of taking responsibility for what he said.
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nta so, it's "fun" when he asks, and a "trap" when you ask the same? wow - that's a double standard!
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nta.
this isn't going to work long term.
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ugh. first, playing off a confrontation like that as a “joke” is a bullshit tactic to make you feel like you’re upset over nothing and wrong for having gotten upset. don’t fall for that shit. he asked what he asked and then used his answer to the same question to make you feel bad for making a decision that in previous discussions, he seemingly supported. this is all sounding highly manipulative on his part. given his inability to make a choice between you and his ex early on, and current inability to make a decision about your future together without becoming resentful immediately shows that the therapy you went through didn’t stick on his end. think about what you want for your future. is this job abroad just a lark? a possibility for you to have work until something local opens up? or is it what you actually want for yourself? take him out of the equation for a moment and ask yourself what you want. if you find that the two of you want different futures, or he’s unwilling to actually be honest about what he wants to happen in the future, it might be time to reconsider the relationship altogether. are there are other problems? does he consistently make you feel like you’re the one who has to make the compromises? is indecision a character trait he displays consistently, to the extent that you’re never sure how he really feels? it can be hard to see a relationship from within, especially when you’re in love. but when it comes to making huge life decisions, you have to consider the relationship alongside the other life decisions.
nta, and good luck.
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nta. it sounds like he wants to break up with you. sorry.
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so, he couldn’t stay faithful for the beginning of your relationship and he doesn’t respond well to your concerns/feelings. you’re not the ah, but none of this bodes well for your future together. communication is key. if you can’t communicate well, everything isn’t actually as great as you think.
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: **context:** my bf and i have been dating for 1 year. at the beginning of our relationship, he broke my heart multiple times because he went back to his ex, had unresolved issues and couldn't decide between me or her. i decided to stay anyway, he went to therapy, now we are happy and live together. he always said he wanted to leave the city we live in right now. i lost my job because of covid, couldn't find anything here in this city, asked him if he would be willing to move together elsewhere. he said yes. i managed to find a great opportunity abroad. he decided in the end he wanted to stay here. at first he didn't want long distance, in the end he said he would try because i am worth it but he thinks it will be too hard for him. (my idea is to move abroad for 6months all the while looking for a job in our current city, hoping companies start hiring again, so i can come back here). **the issue:** yesterday he said he wanted to ask me a question, and to be honest. he said "knowing what we have now, and all the suffering we endured at the beginning of our relationship, would you choose to do it again?". i said "yes". then i asked him, "how about you?" . he said "if you'd asked me 1 month ago, i would've said yes. now that i know that you're going to move away, i'm not so sure". i was kinda hurt, he said he's just saying that he's afraid i'm going to make him suffer, we stopped talking about it. this morning i was thinking about it again and it still hurt. he saw i was crying and he got mad, he said his question was just for fun when he asked it but when i asked it i was trying to trap him, to "test" him if i loved him enough, and only one answer was possible for me. he said it was a hypothetical question that could never come true and "it's impossible to talk to me". i don't think i trapped him, i just asked him "and you?" to a question he asked me, and the answer he gave was not very nice. aita for getting upset? tldr: bf asked if i could go back, would i still go out with him. i said yes and asked him the same question, he said he wasn't so sure, the got mad because his answer upset me. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
**context:** my bf and i have been dating for 1 year. at the beginning of our relationship, he broke my heart multiple times because he went back to his ex, had unresolved issues and couldn't decide between me or her. i decided to stay anyway, he went to therapy, now we are happy and live together. he always said he wanted to leave the city we live in right now. i lost my job because of covid, couldn't find anything here in this city, asked him if he would be willing to move together elsewhere. he said yes. i managed to find a great opportunity abroad. he decided in the end he wanted to stay here. at first he didn't want long distance, in the end he said he would try because i am worth it but he thinks it will be too hard for him. (my idea is to move abroad for 6months all the while looking for a job in our current city, hoping companies start hiring again, so i can come back here). **the issue:** yesterday he said he wanted to ask me a question, and to be honest. he said "knowing what we have now, and all the suffering we endured at the beginning of our relationship, would you choose to do it again?". i said "yes". then i asked him, "how about you?" . he said "if you'd asked me 1 month ago, i would've said yes. now that i know that you're going to move away, i'm not so sure". i was kinda hurt, he said he's just saying that he's afraid i'm going to make him suffer, we stopped talking about it. this morning i was thinking about it again and it still hurt. he saw i was crying and he got mad, he said his question was just for fun when he asked it but when i asked it i was trying to trap him, to "test" him if i loved him enough, and only one answer was possible for me. he said it was a hypothetical question that could never come true and "it's impossible to talk to me". i don't think i trapped him, i just asked him "and you?" to a question he asked me, and the answer he gave was not very nice. aita for getting upset? tldr: bf asked if i could go back, would i still go out with him. i said yes and asked him the same question, he said he wasn't so sure, the got mad because his answer upset me. aita? [/INST] nta. only one year in, it shouldn’t be that hard. he is being manipulative trying to get you to give up an opportunity. dtmfa. </s>
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AITA for inviting me ex-wife on a family vacation?
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my wife and i are going on a family vacation with her son, her parents, and her siblings to the greek islands. it’s a place my wife and i talked about visiting on our very first date and have saved up lots of money to go. my ex-wife and i are still very close, we had 3 kids together but sadly all 3 passed away. i still consider her my family and i’ve known her almost my whole life so after our divorce, there were no hard feelings. she is also like an aunt to my step-son and is also very good friends with my current wife and i.
my step-son asked me if we could bring my ex-wife on our family vacation with us since she’s family. i thought about it for a while and i decided why not ask her. her and her boyfriend had recently broken up and she’s been pretty beaten down the last few weeks so i thought a little vacation for her would help her out a lot and get somethings off her mind and relax for a bit.
i asked my wife and she said happy to have her come along. i asked my ex-wife if she would like to join us and she was hesitant at first because she didn’t want to intrude but she eventually agreed a was more than excited to come along. she offered to buy her own plane ticket and hotel room but my wife and i insisted that we would take care of it for her, she was incredibly great full and she’s started packing.
my wife’s mother had come over to our house and saw i had one extra plane ticket on the counter than what we were supposed to have and i told her that my ex-wife was coming. she blew up in my face and told me i’m making everyone very uncomfortable by inviting her and that nobody even knows her. also accused me of planning to cheat on my wife by the inviting her on this trip. she called me an asshole for being my ex-wife on a family trip. she also said that she’s no longer my family since were divorced and have no kids together, i yelled a whole bunch of shit in her face that i don’t even remember. she stormed out of my house and now everyone is calling to say they don’t want to go on the trip anymore and now my wife is very upset.
i was just trying to do something nice for someone who was struggling at the moment, i didn’t think inviting one person would cause everyone to pull out. they are literally going on a free vacation and the plane refundable.
i’m starting to feel like an asshole because now my wife is very upset that her family isn’t going and we’ve spend all this money on this trip. and to make things worse my ex-wife texts me saying she’s all packed for tomorrow and how excited and great full she is that we invited her.
so aita?
also wanted to mention, that i’m a female. i don’t think i mentioned that and i just didn’t want people thinking i was a man.
| 2,847 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/syc1oq/aita_for_inviting_me_exwife_on_a_family_vacation/
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2022-02-22 02:38:10
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nta. you ran it by your current wife who was happy to have her come along.
&#x200b;
your wife's mother on the other hand, she turned a molehill into a mountain for no reason.
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nta,
if the wife had no issue, the stepson didnt, why tf mil so pissed?
honestly, if i were you i'd be very cautious of her in the future, because i've seen mothers ruin their children's marriages due to their own paranoid thoughts.
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nta. your stepson asked if ex could come. you checked with your wife who was good with it.
mil was out of line to throw a hissy fit but your response was too extreme. you should have let mil have her child-like temper tantrum and let your wife handle her.
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so to be clear, you were paying for the vacation for everyone? if that's the case, then nta, your wife didn't mind and her family is complaining over a free international trip. that's pretty ballsy of them.
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nta
her you have no children with her comment is grounds to go absolute nuclear on her in my book.
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nta you had good intentions but… if you’re going to invite someone on a vacation you planned with a bunch of people - it’s probably best to check with everyone beforehand. that includes your in laws.
mil is being unreasonable and insulting af, still she should have been consulted beforehand, maybe the whole thing wouldn’t have blown up like that then.
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so let me get this straight: the idea to invite her came from your stepson in the first place, and (having checked with her before extending the invitation) your wife was totally fine with it, and in fact insisted on you two paying her way? then yeah, nta. assuming everything is as you’ve described, she’s part of your extended family unit. it’s not unreasonable for your wife’s family to perhaps feel a little awkward, but if your wife told them she’s comfortable with it, that should be the end of it. your mil was certainly way out of line with her intense overreaction.
(also as a queer person myself can i just say with the utmost affection and respect that your whole family situation is possibly the most lesbian thing i’ve ever heard of [complimentary]. i’m glad you and your ex are still friendly, i’m glad your ex and your wife are friends, and i’m glad your son has an aunt in her. found family is extremely good and real, and it sounds from this little snippet that you’ve assembled a good one)
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the only people that should be concerned about this is your immediate family, and if the person that would *probably* be the most uncomfortable with it (i.e. your wife) is fine with your ex coming, that is all that matters. your children are also fine with this too.
your wife's mother has absolutely no say regarding who you can invite and not invite. your immediate family is okay with this and she is completely out of line for acting the way she did.
nta
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nta your wife is the only one who stands to be hurt by you inviting your ex, and she’s cool with it, your mil has serious issues
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nta but those tickets were expensive so don't waste them. i will be happy to go with y'all!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i are going on a family vacation with her son, her parents, and her siblings to the greek islands. it’s a place my wife and i talked about visiting on our very first date and have saved up lots of money to go. my ex-wife and i are still very close, we had 3 kids together but sadly all 3 passed away. i still consider her my family and i’ve known her almost my whole life so after our divorce, there were no hard feelings. she is also like an aunt to my step-son and is also very good friends with my current wife and i. my step-son asked me if we could bring my ex-wife on our family vacation with us since she’s family. i thought about it for a while and i decided why not ask her. her and her boyfriend had recently broken up and she’s been pretty beaten down the last few weeks so i thought a little vacation for her would help her out a lot and get somethings off her mind and relax for a bit. i asked my wife and she said happy to have her come along. i asked my ex-wife if she would like to join us and she was hesitant at first because she didn’t want to intrude but she eventually agreed a was more than excited to come along. she offered to buy her own plane ticket and hotel room but my wife and i insisted that we would take care of it for her, she was incredibly great full and she’s started packing. my wife’s mother had come over to our house and saw i had one extra plane ticket on the counter than what we were supposed to have and i told her that my ex-wife was coming. she blew up in my face and told me i’m making everyone very uncomfortable by inviting her and that nobody even knows her. also accused me of planning to cheat on my wife by the inviting her on this trip. she called me an asshole for being my ex-wife on a family trip. she also said that she’s no longer my family since were divorced and have no kids together, i yelled a whole bunch of shit in her face that i don’t even remember. she stormed out of my house and now everyone is calling to say they don’t want to go on the trip anymore and now my wife is very upset. i was just trying to do something nice for someone who was struggling at the moment, i didn’t think inviting one person would cause everyone to pull out. they are literally going on a free vacation and the plane refundable. i’m starting to feel like an asshole because now my wife is very upset that her family isn’t going and we’ve spend all this money on this trip. and to make things worse my ex-wife texts me saying she’s all packed for tomorrow and how excited and great full she is that we invited her. so aita? also wanted to mention, that i’m a female. i don’t think i mentioned that and i just didn’t want people thinking i was a man.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i are going on a family vacation with her son, her parents, and her siblings to the greek islands. it’s a place my wife and i talked about visiting on our very first date and have saved up lots of money to go. my ex-wife and i are still very close, we had 3 kids together but sadly all 3 passed away. i still consider her my family and i’ve known her almost my whole life so after our divorce, there were no hard feelings. she is also like an aunt to my step-son and is also very good friends with my current wife and i. my step-son asked me if we could bring my ex-wife on our family vacation with us since she’s family. i thought about it for a while and i decided why not ask her. her and her boyfriend had recently broken up and she’s been pretty beaten down the last few weeks so i thought a little vacation for her would help her out a lot and get somethings off her mind and relax for a bit. i asked my wife and she said happy to have her come along. i asked my ex-wife if she would like to join us and she was hesitant at first because she didn’t want to intrude but she eventually agreed a was more than excited to come along. she offered to buy her own plane ticket and hotel room but my wife and i insisted that we would take care of it for her, she was incredibly great full and she’s started packing. my wife’s mother had come over to our house and saw i had one extra plane ticket on the counter than what we were supposed to have and i told her that my ex-wife was coming. she blew up in my face and told me i’m making everyone very uncomfortable by inviting her and that nobody even knows her. also accused me of planning to cheat on my wife by the inviting her on this trip. she called me an asshole for being my ex-wife on a family trip. she also said that she’s no longer my family since were divorced and have no kids together, i yelled a whole bunch of shit in her face that i don’t even remember. she stormed out of my house and now everyone is calling to say they don’t want to go on the trip anymore and now my wife is very upset. i was just trying to do something nice for someone who was struggling at the moment, i didn’t think inviting one person would cause everyone to pull out. they are literally going on a free vacation and the plane refundable. i’m starting to feel like an asshole because now my wife is very upset that her family isn’t going and we’ve spend all this money on this trip. and to make things worse my ex-wife texts me saying she’s all packed for tomorrow and how excited and great full she is that we invited her. so aita? also wanted to mention, that i’m a female. i don’t think i mentioned that and i just didn’t want people thinking i was a man. [/INST] nta. you ran it by your current wife who was happy to have her come along. &#x200b; your wife's mother on the other hand, she turned a molehill into a mountain for no reason. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to eat expired sauces at my MIL's house?
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my bf's mom will occasionally have us over for dinner. her food is awful, ngl. i put up with it cuz it's nice that she makes dinner but she will put out sauces/dressings on the table that literally expired as long ago as 2009. when we get grossed out or point out that they are extremely expired, she gets all offended and says how "they are still perfectly fine"
i just think it's definitely not okay to serve your guests products that expired over 10 years ago.
she also brings out the same expired crap when there are other people over too. i don't care if it's a couple months past due but years? how would anyone think that's okay?
| 195 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rz7qfl/aita_for_not_wanting_to_eat_expired_sauces_at_my/
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2022-01-08 19:27:17
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nta- those foods are health hazards and should be thrown out
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nta. that is gross and an endangerment to people. she should not be feeding anything expired to guests especially anything that is 10 years old. i’m surprised you were able to eat her food multiple times and i’m also surprised that you weren’t hospitalized.
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nta
enlist your bf and his other family members to help her clean out her fridge and dump the expired foods. consuming expired products can be lethal and make someone deathly ill.
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nta. but she’s probably cooking with expired food too.
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nta,
but also, if she’s stuck in her biohazard ways just avoid them.
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nta. you’re lucky to be alive lol.
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nta
i'm sorry but this post made me laugh. does she have some kind of hoarding problem maybe?
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nta. it isn’t unreasonable to refuse to eat expired food - no matter how much your mil tries to convince you otherwise.
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nta, that's nasty.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my bf's mom will occasionally have us over for dinner. her food is awful, ngl. i put up with it cuz it's nice that she makes dinner but she will put out sauces/dressings on the table that literally expired as long ago as 2009. when we get grossed out or point out that they are extremely expired, she gets all offended and says how "they are still perfectly fine" i just think it's definitely not okay to serve your guests products that expired over 10 years ago. she also brings out the same expired crap when there are other people over too. i don't care if it's a couple months past due but years? how would anyone think that's okay?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my bf's mom will occasionally have us over for dinner. her food is awful, ngl. i put up with it cuz it's nice that she makes dinner but she will put out sauces/dressings on the table that literally expired as long ago as 2009. when we get grossed out or point out that they are extremely expired, she gets all offended and says how "they are still perfectly fine" i just think it's definitely not okay to serve your guests products that expired over 10 years ago. she also brings out the same expired crap when there are other people over too. i don't care if it's a couple months past due but years? how would anyone think that's okay? [/INST] nta- those foods are health hazards and should be thrown out </s>
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AITA for telling my family to stop saying my stepmom is my mom
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my mom died when i was 5 years old. my dad met and married my stepmom when i was 8. at the time she asked if i wanted to be adopted and accepted my no. she did, however, bring up a few times over the next decade that if i wanted to call her mom she would love it. that's not something i ever wanted to do so i didn't. but i do think she's genuinely a great person and she makes my dad happy. i never minded her saying i was her son, or her first born or whatever. she and my dad had children together so i get her wanting to include me as well. but over the years my dad has stopped talking about my mom completely and calls my stepmom my mom. i have asked him not to and he has refused to listen.
now i'm 22 and i live with my amazing girlfriend. and she has been put in weird situations with my dad, half siblings and extended family all calling my stepmom my mom. her parents met my dad and stepmom for the first time recently and they were confused when my dad was saying stepmom was my mom. they knew my mom died, they also knew i had a stepmom. but my dad brought up stepmom as mom in a way that they were a little thrown off. not to mention him saying "when we had kdovers" and stuff like that.
my half siblings brought it up too. even calling me out for using her name over dinner. saying don't call mom "name" call her mom like you call him dad sort of thing.
after my girlfriends parents left i told them to stop. that my stepmom is not my mom and they need to stop saying that she is. i told them they had made things very awkward because my girlfriends parents knew the truth and having them behave the way they did made it seem weird and probably had them wondering if i was some crazy asshole who made up a story about my mom dying. my stepmom was pretty quiet during the whole thing.
my dad told me i stepped over the line trying to police them and he said whether i liked it or not she was more of a mom to me than my mom had ever been. he said i break her heart every day i put step in front of mom and don't show her the same kind of love my siblings show her. he told me i also had no right to tell my siblings what to do.
aita here?
i'm admittedly still so pissed that my dad threw it in my face that i didn't have mom for very long. it's not like it was a choice she or i made. i would give anything to have her alive and for her to be the one who raised me. again, i appreciate my stepmom and she's a good person, but i never loved or wanted her the way i love my mom.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uzj8rf/aita_for_telling_my_family_to_stop_saying_my/
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2022-05-28 08:46:29
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nta. you don’t have to call your stepmom mum, i don’t do it for my stepdad, simply because he isn’t my dad. what your dad said about her being a better mother than your actual mother is horrible. i think maybe you should sit your dad and stepmom down and explain that you will not call her anything but her name or stepmom and that if they overstep the boundary of trying to bully you to cal her mum in front of other people, then there will be consequences, whatever these consequences are you decide for yourself.
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nta
"dad, my mom died when i was five. don't try telling me that stepmother has been in my life longer, because it's not like my mother walked out on me. she died. she had no choice in the matter and neither did i. if i had the choice, i would 100% want my mom back.
but thats not going to happen. but i'm not going to let you shit on my mother's memory to save your wife's feelings, or yours for that matter. if stepmother really loved me, she'd be understanding of my needs as the child in this situation instead of demanding or manipulating me through others - like you and half-siblings.
to me, she will always be stepmother. if she cannot respect that, then it will be further lessened to "my dad's wife". because that's what this is pushing me towards and it is honestly making me resent her and you.
if you can't respect the fact i will always view my mom as mom and stepmother as stepmother, then i will need to cut you all off. keep that in mind the next time you'd rather prioritize your wife's feelings over your child's - because i'm sure of mom were here - she'd be seriously pissed off at your selfishness and coldness.
perhaps there's a lesson here dad. we dont always get what we want. i want my mom back. your wife wants to be my mom. guess we both will never get what we want."
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nta
i get the sense it’s less about the title for you and more the fact your dad is trying to erase your mum from ever existing.
maybe you could take your step mum out for lunch. just the 2 of you. explain that you love her, you appreciate everything she’s done and while you do see her in a motherly role, the name ‘mom’ is one of the only things you have left of the woman who gave you life.
you could also get her a necklace or a bracelet with a saying about family isn’t always blood, or titles, etc.
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nta. and your father was beyond cruel to say that "your stepmom was more of a mom than your real mother was". that comment made my heart hurt. he makes it sound as if your mother abandoned you.
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"my half siblings brought it up too. even calling me out for using her name over dinner. saying don't call mom "name" call her mom like you call him dad sort of thing."
but you're not allowed to tell them what to do?
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nta - your dad and step-family suck. everyone getting butt hurt over a biological truth. keep setting them straight for as long as it takes, and fuck anyone trying to diminish your mom or what she means to you.
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nta! i’m also a stepmom to children who lost their mother. they choose to call me mom and we have that relationship but if they didn’t want to call me mom anymore even today many years into being “mom” i would accept that because it’s not about making me comfortable. i’m not, and your stepmom is not, entitled to that title nor is anyone else. it was so wrong for your father to say that about your mother and i’m so terribly sorry for your loss.
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nta it's between you and your stepmother if you want to call her mom, stepmom or by her name. the way you choose to call her doesn't mean you love her more or less. your father and siblings stepped over the line for trying to dictate your words and feelings.
try talking to her, and her only, about this. the fact that she's your stepmom doesn't change that she saw you grow and loved you. maybe she will step in the next time and correct your family. also it seems that she had no say in the matter when the others were correcting you.
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nta
i understand her taking a motherly role in your life, but no amount of time can take away the pain you feel and how much you miss your mom. and 5 is certainly old enough to remember her for a lifetime.
sounds like your father replaced your mother with your step mom quickly as a way to cope and she never stopped him. it became their way of life and when you didn’t “get with the program” they tried to force those feelings on you by repeatedly ignoring your reservations and requests.
definitely get some therapy, and don’t be afraid to distance yourself from them.
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nta. were your parents still together when your mom died? i just can’t imagine trying to erase someone i love after they died. this is just so cruel from your father and step-family.
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mom died when i was 5 years old. my dad met and married my stepmom when i was 8. at the time she asked if i wanted to be adopted and accepted my no. she did, however, bring up a few times over the next decade that if i wanted to call her mom she would love it. that's not something i ever wanted to do so i didn't. but i do think she's genuinely a great person and she makes my dad happy. i never minded her saying i was her son, or her first born or whatever. she and my dad had children together so i get her wanting to include me as well. but over the years my dad has stopped talking about my mom completely and calls my stepmom my mom. i have asked him not to and he has refused to listen. now i'm 22 and i live with my amazing girlfriend. and she has been put in weird situations with my dad, half siblings and extended family all calling my stepmom my mom. her parents met my dad and stepmom for the first time recently and they were confused when my dad was saying stepmom was my mom. they knew my mom died, they also knew i had a stepmom. but my dad brought up stepmom as mom in a way that they were a little thrown off. not to mention him saying "when we had kdovers" and stuff like that. my half siblings brought it up too. even calling me out for using her name over dinner. saying don't call mom "name" call her mom like you call him dad sort of thing. after my girlfriends parents left i told them to stop. that my stepmom is not my mom and they need to stop saying that she is. i told them they had made things very awkward because my girlfriends parents knew the truth and having them behave the way they did made it seem weird and probably had them wondering if i was some crazy asshole who made up a story about my mom dying. my stepmom was pretty quiet during the whole thing. my dad told me i stepped over the line trying to police them and he said whether i liked it or not she was more of a mom to me than my mom had ever been. he said i break her heart every day i put step in front of mom and don't show her the same kind of love my siblings show her. he told me i also had no right to tell my siblings what to do. aita here? i'm admittedly still so pissed that my dad threw it in my face that i didn't have mom for very long. it's not like it was a choice she or i made. i would give anything to have her alive and for her to be the one who raised me. again, i appreciate my stepmom and she's a good person, but i never loved or wanted her the way i love my mom.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my mom died when i was 5 years old. my dad met and married my stepmom when i was 8. at the time she asked if i wanted to be adopted and accepted my no. she did, however, bring up a few times over the next decade that if i wanted to call her mom she would love it. that's not something i ever wanted to do so i didn't. but i do think she's genuinely a great person and she makes my dad happy. i never minded her saying i was her son, or her first born or whatever. she and my dad had children together so i get her wanting to include me as well. but over the years my dad has stopped talking about my mom completely and calls my stepmom my mom. i have asked him not to and he has refused to listen. now i'm 22 and i live with my amazing girlfriend. and she has been put in weird situations with my dad, half siblings and extended family all calling my stepmom my mom. her parents met my dad and stepmom for the first time recently and they were confused when my dad was saying stepmom was my mom. they knew my mom died, they also knew i had a stepmom. but my dad brought up stepmom as mom in a way that they were a little thrown off. not to mention him saying "when we had kdovers" and stuff like that. my half siblings brought it up too. even calling me out for using her name over dinner. saying don't call mom "name" call her mom like you call him dad sort of thing. after my girlfriends parents left i told them to stop. that my stepmom is not my mom and they need to stop saying that she is. i told them they had made things very awkward because my girlfriends parents knew the truth and having them behave the way they did made it seem weird and probably had them wondering if i was some crazy asshole who made up a story about my mom dying. my stepmom was pretty quiet during the whole thing. my dad told me i stepped over the line trying to police them and he said whether i liked it or not she was more of a mom to me than my mom had ever been. he said i break her heart every day i put step in front of mom and don't show her the same kind of love my siblings show her. he told me i also had no right to tell my siblings what to do. aita here? i'm admittedly still so pissed that my dad threw it in my face that i didn't have mom for very long. it's not like it was a choice she or i made. i would give anything to have her alive and for her to be the one who raised me. again, i appreciate my stepmom and she's a good person, but i never loved or wanted her the way i love my mom. [/INST] nta. you don’t have to call your stepmom mum, i don’t do it for my stepdad, simply because he isn’t my dad. what your dad said about her being a better mother than your actual mother is horrible. i think maybe you should sit your dad and stepmom down and explain that you will not call her anything but her name or stepmom and that if they overstep the boundary of trying to bully you to cal her mum in front of other people, then there will be consequences, whatever these consequences are you decide for yourself. </s>
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AITA for baking my niece a cake for her first birthday?
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yesterday was my niece's first birthday and originally the plan for the cake was for my father-in-law to buy a store-bought cake. when my father-in-law mentioned he was buying a store-bought cake for the party i asked if i could bake the birthday cake and smash cake instead. my father-in-law was thrilled at the idea and requested that it be a surprise to my sister and brother-in-law, i saw no issue and agreed. over the past week, i have spent countless hours on this cake, going in i had very high expectations for the cake and although i did not meet those high expectations i am still happy with the cake and 100% believe it is better than a store-bought cake.
&#x200b;
yesterday at the party when it was time to bring out the cake my father-in-law took the cake out of its hiding spot and brought it into the main area of the party. when my brother-in-law saw the cake he had a big smile and seemed really happy, however when my sister-in-law saw the cake she looked mortified. quickly my sister-in-law threw on a fake smile and asked my father-in-law about the cake, probably my father-in-law announced that i was the one who made the cake. my sister-in-law gritted her teeth the entire time we sang happy birthday and refused to even try the cake for the whole party.
&#x200b;
after i left i was bombarded with messages from my sister-in-law and brother-in-law. the messages were everything from i intentionally sabotaged her daughter‘s first birthday party to because of me all the photos of her daughter‘s first birthday are ruined by the stain of my trashy cake. i didn’t know what to say so i just screenshot all of the texts and sent them to my husband who is currently overseas for the military after i did that everything has just blown up. it feels like brother against brother and like my parents-in-law are just trying to play both sides.
&#x200b;
every saturday we usually do a family day, usually, we all eat a bunch of good food and do some kind of activity together but this morning my father-in-law asked me to sit out of this week's family day out and i’m crushed. honestly, i was just trying to be nice and make my niece's birthday even more memorable, i was not trying to take the day away from her but it feels like everyone’s against me and i think i might be the ass.
&#x200b;
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xgpaon/aita_for_baking_my_niece_a_cake_for_her_first/
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2022-09-17 15:22:14
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nta when i clicked on your profile my jaw dropped. that cake was amazing. your sil and bil should be extremely grateful. it’s clear you put a lot of time and effort into that cake.
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nta but your fil sure is. he should’ve accepted complete responsibility for all this drama, and never uninvited you to a family gathering. sounds like he’s afraid to “rock the boat” for fear of not seeing his grandkid, which is sad.
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i’ll be honest, while the cake is lovely, something is not sitting right with me. her behavior has not come out of nowhere according to you. she doesn’t like you, and gets upset with everything you do. so why did you go to your fil without her knowledge to change her plans for the birthday cake? if you were hoping to mend fences with sil, why didn’t you plan out the cake with her involvement? having had manipulative people in my family, i’m getting wiffs of you stirring the pot in a plausibly deniable way. i don’t have enough info yet to say y t a, but i’m by no means comfortable telling you that you’re not in this situation.
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they really should be grateful that you went out of the way to plan and make the cake.
also, fk your fil for going along with the idea for you to bake the cake, and then not backing you up after your inlaws threw a fit at the party. then fil having the nerve to disinvite you from family day, it seems like there is some deeper grudge being held here over something.
nta
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yta. i don't care how nice or tasty your cake was, it wasn't what your sil wanted. you volunteered to do it without telling her, instead springing a surprise on someone who you are well aware doesn't particularly like you.
frankly, it feels like you were grandstanding.
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based on the other comments, i know this is going to be an unpopular take here, but yta. i personally think your cake is beautiful. that said, it doesn’t matter what **i** think. what matters is what your **sil** thinks as the mom of the 1 yo who was planning the party. **she** is mom, and she was host… you circumvented her authority as the mom
and party host and don’t seem to see the problem with that.
your fil was asked to go the store and buy a cake. instead, you and he went behind your sil’s back and did your own thing. it clearly wasn’t what she wanted, as even before she knew you did the cake, you specifically state she looked mortified when she saw it. maybe she should have been more clear in her expectations, **but had you and your fil approached her with your suggested plan, this would have given her the opportunity to clarify what she wanted.** it’s her kid’s party and therefore her rules. you specifically used this opportunity to circumvent her request for a store-bought cake. this kind of boundary pushing isn’t okay, and if this is how you usually act, it probably explains your other comments mentioning that she doesn’t seem to like you.
i want to believe you have good intentions, so i’m going to give you some advice. stop pushing boundaries. stop trying to insert yourself. stop making her nuclear family moments somehow about you. even if you think you’re being helpful, you’re pissing her off and shoving your perspective/wants on her and her family, such as what you did in this big moment for her daughter. think about it:
**you** decided that a cake you made would be better than a store-bought cake.
**you** decided that there was no issue in not communicating this new plan of a homemade cake to your sil, who was hosting this party and had trusted your fil with purchasing a store-bought cake.
**you** decided that your actions were nice and would make your niece’s bday more memorable.
why do **your** perspectives matter more than your sil’s to the point that you don’t stop and go, “you know what… let me make sure that **she** thinks a homemade cake would be better than store bought? even if **i** would be okay with a surprise like this… i shouldn’t assume **she** will be okay with being surprised. let me verify that **she** thinks this is nice and will make my niece’s first birthday party more memorable.”
even after the fact, when she blew up on you, you escalated the situation by involving your husband bc you’re so convinced you’re the victim and she should appreciate your boundary pushing since you “did what you thought was a nice thing.” had you just showed up to the party and not inserted yourself and your opinions, things would have been fine.
i have a mil like you. she’s made my life very difficult over the years. here are some examples:
i wanted a child-free wedding party, and my mil thought it would be special for my sil’s son to be the ring bearer, so she circumvented me and went to my husband and said she thought it would be special if his nephew was the ring bearer. (this led to a ridiculous amount of conflict as i tried to untangle the mess she created with a fiancée who had initially agreed to go kid-free until his mom pushed and made him feel guilty.)
mil thought that natural childbirth was better than an epidural, so she tried sending me articles about the risks and when i pushed back and asked her to please stop inserting herself, accused me of “not wanting my child to be born healthy more than i wanted to avoid pain.”
mil decided that we weren’t doing a good job as parents, and proceeded to discipline our child and take her to task behind our backs. this has resulted in years of therapy for said child, as her version of “discipline” is abusive.
mil gave my children sweets without asking just before bed.
mil has circumvented my authority through the years via both overtly and passively aggressive methods. right now you’re passively being aggressive in the way you push boundaries. however, **you’re still pushing.** if you want to repair this relationship, start by apologizing. follow up with a commitment to respect your sil’s boundaries from now on. **then follow through and respect them.** i don’t care if every other person on this forum thinks you did a nice thing… if your sil didn’t think it was nice, it wasn’t nice to her and therefore it wasn’t nice. and since you didn’t communicate with her before doing “the thing” to make sure she thought it was nice, you clearly didn’t care enough about her feelings and are ta. the fact that you’re posting your photos all over and tooting your own horn on how good you did just makes it worse, bc rather than reflecting on where you went wrong, you’re doubling down and arrogantly saying she should be grateful for the thing you did **that she never asked for and that you never verified she wanted.**
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i'm going to go against a lot of people and say yta. in other comments you mention your sister having issues with everything you do. her child's first birthday party is not the time to get her to change her mind. she did not ask you to bake the cake, she clearly has an issue with you and did not want your involvement, and you "surprised" her with something and expected her to be grateful. it wasn't really the time or place to try to resolve whatever issue is between you two.
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info: the cake is beautiful, but this is clearly not about the cake. was father in-law given specific instructions about the cake? was it supposed to be a surprise what the cake looked like? do you normally get along with your in-laws?
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i’m going to say yta. you know you have a rocky relationship with sil, you never should have agreed to the surprise cake.
the cake is beautiful and in no way tacky! but i’m guessing sil feels like this was an attention grab on your part - now everyone at the party is commenting on the awesome cake that you just happened to whip up. a store bought cake wouldn’t have “upstaged” the party. and while it obviously wasn’t your intent, i’m sure it did basically ruin her daughters party for her, and when she thinks back on it this will always stand out.
i’d say fil is also an ah (maybe just a cluesless one?) but you never should have gone along with it.
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op several people have asked why you thought it was a good idea to make a cake for sil’s daughter when you know your sil doesn’t like you. it looks like you are only responding to n t a comments.
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: yesterday was my niece's first birthday and originally the plan for the cake was for my father-in-law to buy a store-bought cake. when my father-in-law mentioned he was buying a store-bought cake for the party i asked if i could bake the birthday cake and smash cake instead. my father-in-law was thrilled at the idea and requested that it be a surprise to my sister and brother-in-law, i saw no issue and agreed. over the past week, i have spent countless hours on this cake, going in i had very high expectations for the cake and although i did not meet those high expectations i am still happy with the cake and 100% believe it is better than a store-bought cake. &#x200b; yesterday at the party when it was time to bring out the cake my father-in-law took the cake out of its hiding spot and brought it into the main area of the party. when my brother-in-law saw the cake he had a big smile and seemed really happy, however when my sister-in-law saw the cake she looked mortified. quickly my sister-in-law threw on a fake smile and asked my father-in-law about the cake, probably my father-in-law announced that i was the one who made the cake. my sister-in-law gritted her teeth the entire time we sang happy birthday and refused to even try the cake for the whole party. &#x200b; after i left i was bombarded with messages from my sister-in-law and brother-in-law. the messages were everything from i intentionally sabotaged her daughter‘s first birthday party to because of me all the photos of her daughter‘s first birthday are ruined by the stain of my trashy cake. i didn’t know what to say so i just screenshot all of the texts and sent them to my husband who is currently overseas for the military after i did that everything has just blown up. it feels like brother against brother and like my parents-in-law are just trying to play both sides. &#x200b; every saturday we usually do a family day, usually, we all eat a bunch of good food and do some kind of activity together but this morning my father-in-law asked me to sit out of this week's family day out and i’m crushed. honestly, i was just trying to be nice and make my niece's birthday even more memorable, i was not trying to take the day away from her but it feels like everyone’s against me and i think i might be the ass. &#x200b;
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
yesterday was my niece's first birthday and originally the plan for the cake was for my father-in-law to buy a store-bought cake. when my father-in-law mentioned he was buying a store-bought cake for the party i asked if i could bake the birthday cake and smash cake instead. my father-in-law was thrilled at the idea and requested that it be a surprise to my sister and brother-in-law, i saw no issue and agreed. over the past week, i have spent countless hours on this cake, going in i had very high expectations for the cake and although i did not meet those high expectations i am still happy with the cake and 100% believe it is better than a store-bought cake. &#x200b; yesterday at the party when it was time to bring out the cake my father-in-law took the cake out of its hiding spot and brought it into the main area of the party. when my brother-in-law saw the cake he had a big smile and seemed really happy, however when my sister-in-law saw the cake she looked mortified. quickly my sister-in-law threw on a fake smile and asked my father-in-law about the cake, probably my father-in-law announced that i was the one who made the cake. my sister-in-law gritted her teeth the entire time we sang happy birthday and refused to even try the cake for the whole party. &#x200b; after i left i was bombarded with messages from my sister-in-law and brother-in-law. the messages were everything from i intentionally sabotaged her daughter‘s first birthday party to because of me all the photos of her daughter‘s first birthday are ruined by the stain of my trashy cake. i didn’t know what to say so i just screenshot all of the texts and sent them to my husband who is currently overseas for the military after i did that everything has just blown up. it feels like brother against brother and like my parents-in-law are just trying to play both sides. &#x200b; every saturday we usually do a family day, usually, we all eat a bunch of good food and do some kind of activity together but this morning my father-in-law asked me to sit out of this week's family day out and i’m crushed. honestly, i was just trying to be nice and make my niece's birthday even more memorable, i was not trying to take the day away from her but it feels like everyone’s against me and i think i might be the ass. &#x200b; [/INST] nta when i clicked on your profile my jaw dropped. that cake was amazing. your sil and bil should be extremely grateful. it’s clear you put a lot of time and effort into that cake. </s>
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AITA for not wanting children in my yard.
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i have three friendly dogs that the kids in my neighborhood love to play with. i live on a hill so one side of my deck is on ground level. the kids often come to that side of the deck to reach over and pet the dogs. i’m fine with this, but the other day i went into my backyard to find two of the children back there playing with the dogs (don’t know their exact ages, i would guess 4 and 8). i talked to them about not going back there unsupervised and asked them to have their parents call me. i’m friendly with my neighbors, but on the phone, their father seemed very standoffish when i asked him to talk to them about this. aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hbg5yu/aita_for_not_wanting_children_in_my_yard/
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2020-06-18 14:57:17
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nta - you just want them to be safe and in no way were shaming him as a parent.
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nta. children- or anyone for that matter should not be coming into your private property with no invitation. also you can have the friendliest dogs ever, but if a child is too rough, or starts being mean to them they might defend themselves and 100% the parents would blame you.
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nta you can bet if something happened because they weren't supervising their kids they would sue the pieces out of you.
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nta - you could be liable for anything that happens to them in your yard. not to freak you out but if there's ever a time where they are out of sight of their parents on your property you could be accused of anything in the future. i'd lock the gate if i were you.
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[deleted]
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nta you were polite to the dad and the kids by the sound of it and are concerned about their safety.
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nta at all, especially given that dogs are involved. doesn’t matter how friendly a dog is, they could lash out if treated inappropriately by children who don’t know boundaries. you’re protecting the kids by standing your ground (even though wanting your privacy is also a perfectly acceptable and nta reason to want them to stay out of your yard when you haven’t given permission).
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nta. anything could happen when they are left unsupervised.
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nta, it's your property and they are underage and need supervision. if anything goes wrong or they bring something for the dog that it shouldn't eat as a treat then it is going to be a big hassle for everyone. they should only enter with permission and their parental supervision
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have three friendly dogs that the kids in my neighborhood love to play with. i live on a hill so one side of my deck is on ground level. the kids often come to that side of the deck to reach over and pet the dogs. i’m fine with this, but the other day i went into my backyard to find two of the children back there playing with the dogs (don’t know their exact ages, i would guess 4 and 8). i talked to them about not going back there unsupervised and asked them to have their parents call me. i’m friendly with my neighbors, but on the phone, their father seemed very standoffish when i asked him to talk to them about this. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have three friendly dogs that the kids in my neighborhood love to play with. i live on a hill so one side of my deck is on ground level. the kids often come to that side of the deck to reach over and pet the dogs. i’m fine with this, but the other day i went into my backyard to find two of the children back there playing with the dogs (don’t know their exact ages, i would guess 4 and 8). i talked to them about not going back there unsupervised and asked them to have their parents call me. i’m friendly with my neighbors, but on the phone, their father seemed very standoffish when i asked him to talk to them about this. aita? [/INST] nta - you just want them to be safe and in no way were shaming him as a parent. </s>
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AITA for telling my cousin that i do not wish to look cachexic & making her mom cry?
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i(25,f) am currently at my parents house where my mom's brother, his wife and their daughter,my cousin(16,f) are also visiting. my cousin has been extremely obsessed with her body and looks since forever, she takes great pride in being tall and skinny. i feel like her parents also feed into her obsession and keep telling her she should be a model and how pretty she is. they tried to get her some modeling gigs but got rejected & after that they told everyone that she wanted to concentrate on her education first and that she could get a modeling gig anytime she wants.
so yesterday at dinner my mum brought out a cake she made for us, i said i didnt wanna have a slice at that time because i was full. at which point my cousin said "you are already so potbellied, skipping a slice wont make a difference" while her mother laughed.( for reference im 5'4" and a size 10uk/6us)
this is where i think i should have kept my mouth shut but i was so done with her that i snapped back and told her i had no interest in looking underfed & cachectic unlike some people. she made a shocked face while her mother screamed at me saying that this was no way to talk to a younger sibling. i think i fucked up even more here because i replied that she should have taught her daughter how to talk to other people. at this point both of them started crying saying im so disrespectful so i left the table.
i think i could be the asshole because my mum said i shouldn't have engaged with their argument. they are sulking around the house this morning. my dad and brother say i shouldn't pay them any attention & ignore them, which is what i have been doing. my uncle is behaving like nothing happened but hes trying not to talk to me when they are in the same room as us.
i really dont know what or if i should do anything.
| 636 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qvtm4x/aita_for_telling_my_cousin_that_i_do_not_wish_to/
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2021-11-17 07:09:40
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nta they came at you entirely unprompted to hold you to an unhealthy beauty standard, while being insulting abt it
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nta. i probably am though because i laughed at the part where you had both of them crying.
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nta, but what does that word even mean
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wtf is cachexic
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nta what’s with all the esh
the cousin started it
she defended herself
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nta, of course.
what you should do from now would be to carry that slice of cake with you around the house... just whiffing a smell every now and then.
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ask your mum why she allows for them to bully you
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nta ignore the esh they’d probably let her get away with saying it to you. those were crocodile tears.
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nta
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nta
everyone looks different and she chose to insult you. don't apologise and don't make a big thing out of it. just behave as normal
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(25,f) am currently at my parents house where my mom's brother, his wife and their daughter,my cousin(16,f) are also visiting. my cousin has been extremely obsessed with her body and looks since forever, she takes great pride in being tall and skinny. i feel like her parents also feed into her obsession and keep telling her she should be a model and how pretty she is. they tried to get her some modeling gigs but got rejected & after that they told everyone that she wanted to concentrate on her education first and that she could get a modeling gig anytime she wants. so yesterday at dinner my mum brought out a cake she made for us, i said i didnt wanna have a slice at that time because i was full. at which point my cousin said "you are already so potbellied, skipping a slice wont make a difference" while her mother laughed.( for reference im 5'4" and a size 10uk/6us) this is where i think i should have kept my mouth shut but i was so done with her that i snapped back and told her i had no interest in looking underfed & cachectic unlike some people. she made a shocked face while her mother screamed at me saying that this was no way to talk to a younger sibling. i think i fucked up even more here because i replied that she should have taught her daughter how to talk to other people. at this point both of them started crying saying im so disrespectful so i left the table. i think i could be the asshole because my mum said i shouldn't have engaged with their argument. they are sulking around the house this morning. my dad and brother say i shouldn't pay them any attention & ignore them, which is what i have been doing. my uncle is behaving like nothing happened but hes trying not to talk to me when they are in the same room as us. i really dont know what or if i should do anything.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i(25,f) am currently at my parents house where my mom's brother, his wife and their daughter,my cousin(16,f) are also visiting. my cousin has been extremely obsessed with her body and looks since forever, she takes great pride in being tall and skinny. i feel like her parents also feed into her obsession and keep telling her she should be a model and how pretty she is. they tried to get her some modeling gigs but got rejected & after that they told everyone that she wanted to concentrate on her education first and that she could get a modeling gig anytime she wants. so yesterday at dinner my mum brought out a cake she made for us, i said i didnt wanna have a slice at that time because i was full. at which point my cousin said "you are already so potbellied, skipping a slice wont make a difference" while her mother laughed.( for reference im 5'4" and a size 10uk/6us) this is where i think i should have kept my mouth shut but i was so done with her that i snapped back and told her i had no interest in looking underfed & cachectic unlike some people. she made a shocked face while her mother screamed at me saying that this was no way to talk to a younger sibling. i think i fucked up even more here because i replied that she should have taught her daughter how to talk to other people. at this point both of them started crying saying im so disrespectful so i left the table. i think i could be the asshole because my mum said i shouldn't have engaged with their argument. they are sulking around the house this morning. my dad and brother say i shouldn't pay them any attention & ignore them, which is what i have been doing. my uncle is behaving like nothing happened but hes trying not to talk to me when they are in the same room as us. i really dont know what or if i should do anything. [/INST] nta they came at you entirely unprompted to hold you to an unhealthy beauty standard, while being insulting abt it </s>
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AITA for banning my friends from my apartment
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i currently have my own place and live alone so i think i learned to adjust and love the solidarity. i’m young 20s f and most people my age don’t have their own place and still live with their families (this will be relevant later). i have a pretty decently sized friend group and most of them are/were understanding of the fact i’m pretty introverted. i can’t handle hanging out with people after 3-4 hours and start to feel drained and depleted.
anyways, i’ve begun to start allowing people over my place to hang out, which is huge, i’ve always been very nervous to allow company into my space because i’m not used to it. the thing is, my friends now constantly ask to come over. at first i said yes but i found out it’s much harder to organically end a hang out when the person is in your place. they will stay for hours on end and i live in a 1 bedroom so to say i feel drained by the end is an understatement.
another thing is i’m also very organized and particular with my apartment. i take my shoes off, i hate mess in my space, i don’t wear my outside clothes on my bed. my friends constantly forget to take their shoes off, sit on my bed, don’t clean up after themselves.
i used to cook for them whenever any of them would show up but they would leave such a huge mess i had to stop. which they were annoyed about.
i can’t stand it. i wouldn’t mind if they only stayed and hour to 3 hours tops but it always is difficult getting them out. recently i stopped allowing them over because the last few times they insisted on sleeping over and wouldn’t leave. i felt like my head was going to explode from how overwhelmed i was (btw i have explained this to them which i will elaborate on soon).
they are mad at me saying that they always invite me to their place and welcome me whenever. when i tried setting boundaries before banning them completely they would get mad and say that i live on my own and get enough space, and most of them live with 5+ people. i understand this but i worked very hard to have my own place and to be honest, i didn’t have a choice nor wanted to live alone originally, but it’s been years i’ve been on my own and adjusting to constantly having people around is overwhelming. ive just given them so many chances but each time i invite them over i always feel drained and stressed and it’s impacting me a lot.
| 890 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uvmwe0/aita_for_banning_my_friends_from_my_apartment/
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2022-05-22 23:22:19
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nta
it sounds like your "friends" want to use your place as their hangout, and in so doing are being rude house guests, and violating your boundaries.
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nta they are being bad guests and bad friends.
who tf refuses to leave when asked??? my head would explode.
stop inviting them. enjoy your space (i'm soooo envious). if they show up without an invitation say 'sorry, i can't have you over now.'
you don't owe them the space you work hard for that they don't respect.
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nta they should respect your boundaries
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its your home. your comfort in your home is more important than their wants.
nta
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nta. your place, your rules.
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nta
it doesn't sound as if they really enjoy your company as much as they are using your space to be free of their own crowded domains.
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nta
i was the same way. own apartment by 18.. in fact only one out of friends to have one.
it was aggravating as hell because people would expect me to host or ask to use my apartment for sleepovers with so's. got reallllly annoying.
i had a friend watch my hamster on a vacation. they made a copy of my key!!!! i had to change locks and buy new sheets, mattress and fumigate the apartment because they smoked in it. fully knowing i hate smoking!!!
so i get it 100%. it's also the reason at 46 yrs old that i don't have anyone come over now to my house.
i'm an introvert. i could live in a cabin in the mountains alone, never leave and be very happy.
❤️nta❤️
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redefine "friend" for yourself. people who push past your boundaries and get angry with you for having them are not, by definition, friends.
congrats on getting your own place. introverts needs that recharge space, and anyone you choose to invite must be a person who fits your life, not one who tramples it.
nta
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nta but for the sake of your friendships, i would try having a chat with them again to explain how you feel, it’s possible they don’t truly understand how this impacts you
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nta, normal people don't get mad that you have things to do after 4 hours of lounging around your apartment. you have extremely entitled friends, and for some reason, they feel they can walk all over you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i currently have my own place and live alone so i think i learned to adjust and love the solidarity. i’m young 20s f and most people my age don’t have their own place and still live with their families (this will be relevant later). i have a pretty decently sized friend group and most of them are/were understanding of the fact i’m pretty introverted. i can’t handle hanging out with people after 3-4 hours and start to feel drained and depleted. anyways, i’ve begun to start allowing people over my place to hang out, which is huge, i’ve always been very nervous to allow company into my space because i’m not used to it. the thing is, my friends now constantly ask to come over. at first i said yes but i found out it’s much harder to organically end a hang out when the person is in your place. they will stay for hours on end and i live in a 1 bedroom so to say i feel drained by the end is an understatement. another thing is i’m also very organized and particular with my apartment. i take my shoes off, i hate mess in my space, i don’t wear my outside clothes on my bed. my friends constantly forget to take their shoes off, sit on my bed, don’t clean up after themselves. i used to cook for them whenever any of them would show up but they would leave such a huge mess i had to stop. which they were annoyed about. i can’t stand it. i wouldn’t mind if they only stayed and hour to 3 hours tops but it always is difficult getting them out. recently i stopped allowing them over because the last few times they insisted on sleeping over and wouldn’t leave. i felt like my head was going to explode from how overwhelmed i was (btw i have explained this to them which i will elaborate on soon). they are mad at me saying that they always invite me to their place and welcome me whenever. when i tried setting boundaries before banning them completely they would get mad and say that i live on my own and get enough space, and most of them live with 5+ people. i understand this but i worked very hard to have my own place and to be honest, i didn’t have a choice nor wanted to live alone originally, but it’s been years i’ve been on my own and adjusting to constantly having people around is overwhelming. ive just given them so many chances but each time i invite them over i always feel drained and stressed and it’s impacting me a lot.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i currently have my own place and live alone so i think i learned to adjust and love the solidarity. i’m young 20s f and most people my age don’t have their own place and still live with their families (this will be relevant later). i have a pretty decently sized friend group and most of them are/were understanding of the fact i’m pretty introverted. i can’t handle hanging out with people after 3-4 hours and start to feel drained and depleted. anyways, i’ve begun to start allowing people over my place to hang out, which is huge, i’ve always been very nervous to allow company into my space because i’m not used to it. the thing is, my friends now constantly ask to come over. at first i said yes but i found out it’s much harder to organically end a hang out when the person is in your place. they will stay for hours on end and i live in a 1 bedroom so to say i feel drained by the end is an understatement. another thing is i’m also very organized and particular with my apartment. i take my shoes off, i hate mess in my space, i don’t wear my outside clothes on my bed. my friends constantly forget to take their shoes off, sit on my bed, don’t clean up after themselves. i used to cook for them whenever any of them would show up but they would leave such a huge mess i had to stop. which they were annoyed about. i can’t stand it. i wouldn’t mind if they only stayed and hour to 3 hours tops but it always is difficult getting them out. recently i stopped allowing them over because the last few times they insisted on sleeping over and wouldn’t leave. i felt like my head was going to explode from how overwhelmed i was (btw i have explained this to them which i will elaborate on soon). they are mad at me saying that they always invite me to their place and welcome me whenever. when i tried setting boundaries before banning them completely they would get mad and say that i live on my own and get enough space, and most of them live with 5+ people. i understand this but i worked very hard to have my own place and to be honest, i didn’t have a choice nor wanted to live alone originally, but it’s been years i’ve been on my own and adjusting to constantly having people around is overwhelming. ive just given them so many chances but each time i invite them over i always feel drained and stressed and it’s impacting me a lot. [/INST] nta it sounds like your "friends" want to use your place as their hangout, and in so doing are being rude house guests, and violating your boundaries. </s>
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AITA for talking like the queen?
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me and my boyfriend both live in essex. i'm originally from south shields, and i lived there until i was 18, so i'm a geordie, and i have a thick accent. for anyone unsure of what this accent is, look up geordie shore. my boyfriend is originally from essex, and has a slight accent, but it's barely there, and you wouldn't notice it if you weren't paying attention.
i don't remember how it came up but we were talking and i said "canny". he then stopped the conversation to take the mickey out of my saying canny. i asked him what was so funny, and he said that it just sounds funny when i talk and use slang sometimes. i said that this wasn't the nicest thing to hear, because i'm already self conscious of my accent, which he knew. he doubled down and said that he couldn't explain why he found it so funny, it just was, and said it was like i was talking another language sometimes.
i can, when needed, do a pretty bang on rp accent, where i talk like the queen or someone on the old bbc shows, with no accent at all. so i said "is this more to your liking, darling?" in the accent. he told me to come off it, but i kept it going, and i am planning on keeping it going until he apologizes. i am also refusing to use slang, and am using full versions of words and the royal "we" and "one". i told him this by saying "one will refrain from utilizing such language upon the reception of an expression of regret from the opposing party".
he made the comments at around half 7 and it's nearly half 9 now, and in this time i've either not spoken or only spoken in the accent with the dialect. he's getting more and more frustrated with me but still hasn't said he's sorry in this time. not only is this beginning to hurt my throat but i'm starting to regret picking a fight over it.
aita?
| 717 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d8sy3s/aita_for_talking_like_the_queen/
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2019-09-24 20:29:46
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nta. if he can't take it, he shouldn't tease you. just to be sure though, he doesn't seem to realize you're looking for an apology, i'd make it clear that you want one so that you both can move on.
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nah but it's incredibly petty and hilarious.
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lmfao i dunno who’s the arsehole but that’s hilarious!!! he’s got a right bloody cheek talking about accents when he’s from essiiiiiix (having grown up in essex myself, i often fall into the accent when i drink or am angry! haha). i think your response is hilarious! i think you’ve made your point. tell him to shuuuuh uuuuup abaaaa it now, go make up and have some great make up sex 😂
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nta. not only are you nta, you made the universe a better place by posting this ridiculous dilemma. kindly tell your gentleman caller one requires an apology.
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i am also a geordie married to an essex boy living in essex too. my partner constantlyyyyyyyy made fun of my accent especially words like ‘bus’ ‘book’ etc even his siblings joined in on it. it was all quite embarrassing... but i did it back with there accent. it was all bit petty but i eventually told him how it made me feel and he understood. i suggest you do the same and brush it under the carpet + live your life!!!! . :)
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nta - tell him (queen's voice) "we are not amused."
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nta since he knows you're insecure. question is have you made a point and how far do you want to take it?
probably time to just have a little talk with the guy.
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nah. i understand that making fun of accents can be a touchy subject. i doubt your bf was trying to make you feel as bad as you do. for the sake of your throat, just drop the rp and tell him what he said hurt, that for better or worse you're self conscious of people making fun of your accent and you'd prefer he didn't, and then move on.
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one does regret having read such an infantile query.
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nta. however
> look up geordie shore
i can't stress how much people need to not look up geordie shore.
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NTA
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NAH
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| null |
NTA
| 0.00461 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me and my boyfriend both live in essex. i'm originally from south shields, and i lived there until i was 18, so i'm a geordie, and i have a thick accent. for anyone unsure of what this accent is, look up geordie shore. my boyfriend is originally from essex, and has a slight accent, but it's barely there, and you wouldn't notice it if you weren't paying attention. i don't remember how it came up but we were talking and i said "canny". he then stopped the conversation to take the mickey out of my saying canny. i asked him what was so funny, and he said that it just sounds funny when i talk and use slang sometimes. i said that this wasn't the nicest thing to hear, because i'm already self conscious of my accent, which he knew. he doubled down and said that he couldn't explain why he found it so funny, it just was, and said it was like i was talking another language sometimes. i can, when needed, do a pretty bang on rp accent, where i talk like the queen or someone on the old bbc shows, with no accent at all. so i said "is this more to your liking, darling?" in the accent. he told me to come off it, but i kept it going, and i am planning on keeping it going until he apologizes. i am also refusing to use slang, and am using full versions of words and the royal "we" and "one". i told him this by saying "one will refrain from utilizing such language upon the reception of an expression of regret from the opposing party". he made the comments at around half 7 and it's nearly half 9 now, and in this time i've either not spoken or only spoken in the accent with the dialect. he's getting more and more frustrated with me but still hasn't said he's sorry in this time. not only is this beginning to hurt my throat but i'm starting to regret picking a fight over it. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me and my boyfriend both live in essex. i'm originally from south shields, and i lived there until i was 18, so i'm a geordie, and i have a thick accent. for anyone unsure of what this accent is, look up geordie shore. my boyfriend is originally from essex, and has a slight accent, but it's barely there, and you wouldn't notice it if you weren't paying attention. i don't remember how it came up but we were talking and i said "canny". he then stopped the conversation to take the mickey out of my saying canny. i asked him what was so funny, and he said that it just sounds funny when i talk and use slang sometimes. i said that this wasn't the nicest thing to hear, because i'm already self conscious of my accent, which he knew. he doubled down and said that he couldn't explain why he found it so funny, it just was, and said it was like i was talking another language sometimes. i can, when needed, do a pretty bang on rp accent, where i talk like the queen or someone on the old bbc shows, with no accent at all. so i said "is this more to your liking, darling?" in the accent. he told me to come off it, but i kept it going, and i am planning on keeping it going until he apologizes. i am also refusing to use slang, and am using full versions of words and the royal "we" and "one". i told him this by saying "one will refrain from utilizing such language upon the reception of an expression of regret from the opposing party". he made the comments at around half 7 and it's nearly half 9 now, and in this time i've either not spoken or only spoken in the accent with the dialect. he's getting more and more frustrated with me but still hasn't said he's sorry in this time. not only is this beginning to hurt my throat but i'm starting to regret picking a fight over it. aita? [/INST] nta. if he can't take it, he shouldn't tease you. just to be sure though, he doesn't seem to realize you're looking for an apology, i'd make it clear that you want one so that you both can move on. </s>
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AITA for expecting something that was leant to someone to be returned in the same condition or payed for?
|
two months ago a friend of my moms (50s f) asked to borrow the pack and play my mom has for my son at her house. my son has only slept in it a few times so the condition of the pack and play was like new. the reason she needed to borrow it was because her daughter had just gotten out of an abusive relationship and no longer had access to any of the items for her child (1m).
when she came to pick it up she said she would bring it back in a couple days once they got settled. my mom said don’t rush, i don’t need it back until thanksgiving. her friend said thank you so much and brought the pack and play to her daughter who is now staying with her dad (my moms friends ex husband).
last week my mom reached out to her friend asking about when the pack and play would be returned. friend said her daughter would return it within a week. today (the day before thanksgiving) my moms friends ex returned the pack and play to my mom without the cover and it’s filthy and banged up.
my mom then texted her friend “i know you aren’t the one who used it but your ex just brought it back without the cover and it’s filthy and battered. i’m upset”
her friend has not responded.
i think that my moms friend now owes my mom a new pack and play. as the person who borrowed it she was responsible for the condition upon return and since it’s in awful condition she needs to replace it.
my husband disagrees and thinks that as long as the baby is taken care of it’s fine and he will buy my mom a new pack play. however my parents are fully capable of buying their own new pack and play, i just think the principle of the matter is that if you borrow something it should be returned in the condition it was borrowed or a new one.
aita?
| 242 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z389za/aita_for_expecting_something_that_was_leant_to/
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2022-11-24 02:48:05
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nta. it’s 100% reasonable to expect it returned in same condition. otherwise you would have given it away. you wanted it back. this is why i don’t lend out my camping gear anymore, people don’t take care of things. if you wanted to buy her one, you would have done that before you lent out yours. nta. it’s tricky now because will say you’re the a h for not helping a mom in a tough situation, but that’s nonsense. you did help her.
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how do you return something all dirty and messy as a pack and play. seriously you wipe it down with a wet cloth but you have to do more and they're sleeping even as they get older you wipe up any problems doesn't make any sense to me. i agree with your husband if mom is good to you get her a new one but also your mother learned a lesson about letting people borrow things.
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nta-
it's not weird to be upset that someone mistreated a borrowed item... however, it's not your item to be upset about. it's apparently your mom's item that she uses for your baby...
and if your mom has the money to buy a new one or you just don't want your baby in the one she has (legit) than yeah someone is going to be buying a new one. that's just the logistics of the situation. doesn't matter if your mom's friend pays your mom back, or if your moms friend pays you and your husband back... or if your mom's friend buys a new one and you bring your own with you when baby is with your mom.
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nta
when you borrow something, you return in in better condition then you got it whenever possible. unfortunately i feel most people don't feel even remotely this way. as much as it pains kind people, it's best not to loan anything you actually want to get back.
i'd get a new pack n play and mail copies of the receipt to the friend, the daughter and the ex with a note that they can split the replacement cost. that way you are not without it but you aren't letting them off the hook. the likelihood of getting the money is low but you tried. and warn any other friends away from loaning their belongings to these people.
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of course it should be returned in the same condition. she was clowned.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: two months ago a friend of my moms (50s f) asked to borrow the pack and play my mom has for my son at her house. my son has only slept in it a few times so the condition of the pack and play was like new. the reason she needed to borrow it was because her daughter had just gotten out of an abusive relationship and no longer had access to any of the items for her child (1m). when she came to pick it up she said she would bring it back in a couple days once they got settled. my mom said don’t rush, i don’t need it back until thanksgiving. her friend said thank you so much and brought the pack and play to her daughter who is now staying with her dad (my moms friends ex husband). last week my mom reached out to her friend asking about when the pack and play would be returned. friend said her daughter would return it within a week. today (the day before thanksgiving) my moms friends ex returned the pack and play to my mom without the cover and it’s filthy and banged up. my mom then texted her friend “i know you aren’t the one who used it but your ex just brought it back without the cover and it’s filthy and battered. i’m upset” her friend has not responded. i think that my moms friend now owes my mom a new pack and play. as the person who borrowed it she was responsible for the condition upon return and since it’s in awful condition she needs to replace it. my husband disagrees and thinks that as long as the baby is taken care of it’s fine and he will buy my mom a new pack play. however my parents are fully capable of buying their own new pack and play, i just think the principle of the matter is that if you borrow something it should be returned in the condition it was borrowed or a new one. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
two months ago a friend of my moms (50s f) asked to borrow the pack and play my mom has for my son at her house. my son has only slept in it a few times so the condition of the pack and play was like new. the reason she needed to borrow it was because her daughter had just gotten out of an abusive relationship and no longer had access to any of the items for her child (1m). when she came to pick it up she said she would bring it back in a couple days once they got settled. my mom said don’t rush, i don’t need it back until thanksgiving. her friend said thank you so much and brought the pack and play to her daughter who is now staying with her dad (my moms friends ex husband). last week my mom reached out to her friend asking about when the pack and play would be returned. friend said her daughter would return it within a week. today (the day before thanksgiving) my moms friends ex returned the pack and play to my mom without the cover and it’s filthy and banged up. my mom then texted her friend “i know you aren’t the one who used it but your ex just brought it back without the cover and it’s filthy and battered. i’m upset” her friend has not responded. i think that my moms friend now owes my mom a new pack and play. as the person who borrowed it she was responsible for the condition upon return and since it’s in awful condition she needs to replace it. my husband disagrees and thinks that as long as the baby is taken care of it’s fine and he will buy my mom a new pack play. however my parents are fully capable of buying their own new pack and play, i just think the principle of the matter is that if you borrow something it should be returned in the condition it was borrowed or a new one. aita? [/INST] nta. it’s 100% reasonable to expect it returned in same condition. otherwise you would have given it away. you wanted it back. this is why i don’t lend out my camping gear anymore, people don’t take care of things. if you wanted to buy her one, you would have done that before you lent out yours. nta. it’s tricky now because will say you’re the a h for not helping a mom in a tough situation, but that’s nonsense. you did help her. </s>
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AITA for downgrading my family from first class?
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i (29f) live far away from my dad and stepmom and sister, in another country over an ocean, so visits (esp. with covid) have been infrequent. i’m ok with that as i struggle to get along with them, and a bit of distance helps.
recently i got engaged and my fiancé (28m) and i wanted to treat my family to a trip to visit us. when we first were planning it in all the engagement excitement i said something like “i will try to get you on first class!” not intending to be fully committed, but just i will if i can. later, i had the feeling they felt it was more certain, so i again said “if i can” when referring to the airline tickets. i wanted to be able to treat them to first class, but wanted to have them be flexible in case prices were way out of my budget.
well the time came to buy tickets and first class was crazy expensive, almost 3x the price of the normal seats. so i did the best i could a booked them on the class below first (can’t remember what it was called) so they got an upgrade out of coach at least. when i told my family about the tickets they were excited and said it looked great.
now the trip is over, and i have gotten the silent treatment from them. i finally got my sister to tell me why, and she said i was so rude to not follow through on my “promise” of first class. apparently my dad and stepmom feel the same and we’re expecting an apology from me during the trip.
having all of them think i’m the ahole makes me feel it might be true… but i can’t imagine being in their shoes with a fully funded trip/resort stay and be mad about not being in first class. so, aita?
| 1,080 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tqni3s/aita_for_downgrading_my_family_from_first_class/
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2022-03-29 00:32:38
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nta, they can upgrade themselves
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nta
maybe the distance is appropriate.
they are being choosing beggars.
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i'm sorry you bought them airline tickets to come see you. that's crazy generous. nta
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ahhhh. classic veruca salt syndrome.
seriously, they're being petty and super ungrateful.
nta.
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nta. but in all seriousness it wouldn't be a mystery what first price tickets would cost if you priced them. not sure why you brought it up before finding out.
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nta. it sounds like they didn't hear your "if i can" statement. i think the next step down from first class is business class which is also pretty comfortable. they were likely bragging to people that they were going first class and got upset that they didn't get that upgrade.
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nta. “i’m sorry that the flights i booked and paid for didn’t meet expectations and caused so much upset when i thought i was treating you to something nice. i promise that going forward i will leave it to you to book and pay for any future trips so that you aren’t disappointed”.
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nta. sooo nta. you made it clear that you were not promising first class, and you still gave them an upgrade that you didn’t need to. tell your family to get their heads out of their asses and be grateful to have had the chance of visiting.
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nta they're just being petty, they got free flights and should be grateful, best thing i've ever gotten for free when i've flown is a can of coke and some crackers.
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esh - why even bother suggesting that you would try to get first class if 3x as much as economy is too much? it is always 3x as much as economy.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.010125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (29f) live far away from my dad and stepmom and sister, in another country over an ocean, so visits (esp. with covid) have been infrequent. i’m ok with that as i struggle to get along with them, and a bit of distance helps. recently i got engaged and my fiancé (28m) and i wanted to treat my family to a trip to visit us. when we first were planning it in all the engagement excitement i said something like “i will try to get you on first class!” not intending to be fully committed, but just i will if i can. later, i had the feeling they felt it was more certain, so i again said “if i can” when referring to the airline tickets. i wanted to be able to treat them to first class, but wanted to have them be flexible in case prices were way out of my budget. well the time came to buy tickets and first class was crazy expensive, almost 3x the price of the normal seats. so i did the best i could a booked them on the class below first (can’t remember what it was called) so they got an upgrade out of coach at least. when i told my family about the tickets they were excited and said it looked great. now the trip is over, and i have gotten the silent treatment from them. i finally got my sister to tell me why, and she said i was so rude to not follow through on my “promise” of first class. apparently my dad and stepmom feel the same and we’re expecting an apology from me during the trip. having all of them think i’m the ahole makes me feel it might be true… but i can’t imagine being in their shoes with a fully funded trip/resort stay and be mad about not being in first class. so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (29f) live far away from my dad and stepmom and sister, in another country over an ocean, so visits (esp. with covid) have been infrequent. i’m ok with that as i struggle to get along with them, and a bit of distance helps. recently i got engaged and my fiancé (28m) and i wanted to treat my family to a trip to visit us. when we first were planning it in all the engagement excitement i said something like “i will try to get you on first class!” not intending to be fully committed, but just i will if i can. later, i had the feeling they felt it was more certain, so i again said “if i can” when referring to the airline tickets. i wanted to be able to treat them to first class, but wanted to have them be flexible in case prices were way out of my budget. well the time came to buy tickets and first class was crazy expensive, almost 3x the price of the normal seats. so i did the best i could a booked them on the class below first (can’t remember what it was called) so they got an upgrade out of coach at least. when i told my family about the tickets they were excited and said it looked great. now the trip is over, and i have gotten the silent treatment from them. i finally got my sister to tell me why, and she said i was so rude to not follow through on my “promise” of first class. apparently my dad and stepmom feel the same and we’re expecting an apology from me during the trip. having all of them think i’m the ahole makes me feel it might be true… but i can’t imagine being in their shoes with a fully funded trip/resort stay and be mad about not being in first class. so, aita? [/INST] nta, they can upgrade themselves </s>
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WIBTA for not paying my neighbor for mowing my lawn?
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hear me out, i never asked him to. i’m not part of a hoa where it has to be done. he took it upon himself to mow it. i just moved in last month, i’m 24 weeks pregnant, and i’ll be a single mom. i don’t exactly have the funds to spare. i was on the phone with my mom and she said i should pay him. then she called me an ah when i told her i couldn’t afford it. i was thinking of offering to do something like make him dinner or whatever in return, but i’ve never met him and i don’t know him like that. would i be the ah if i just said thank you and went on with my life?
| 1,224 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mq6mcb/wibta_for_not_paying_my_neighbor_for_mowing_my/
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2021-04-13 17:05:01
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nta i actually think it might be rude to pay him because he’s doing what he’s doing out of kindness, and paying him turns it transactional. but a small gesture of thanks would be nice. for example if you like to bake or cook, maybe make extra tray of cookies or dish to give to him. or some other small gift that you think is appropriate
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ywnbta. does... was there... did he ever ask for payment? i don't get it.
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nta what. if he wanted paying he shouldve made that clear from the start - and it sounds like he hasn't asked for money. making or taking him some baked goods or sth might be a nice thank you but idk.
just remember that he did it and if he needs a favour at any point, be ready to help out. just thanking him is fine. your mom can calm down and pay him herself if its that important to her!
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nta. she's being weird. that would make it awkward. a return kindness would be appropriate, if anything. like a baked good or even just a thank you note. even that is not required, imo.
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nta,
offering a neighbourly thing in return is te good way to go.
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thanks all for your replies! my brother and i don’t talk anymore but he’s the type of person that will do stuff for others expecting things in return (if you’re wondering why, take a look at my mom) and i felt like i owed him something i really couldn’t afford.
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nah - don't stress. there's no reason he would be expecting payment. just express gratitude and do something nice for him (that is within your budget) in return if you feel the need.
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nta—say “thank you so much, i really appreciate that you did this kind thing for me”. if he didn’t ask about payment ahead of time the he likely did this because he wanted to be kind. making it into a payment thing cheapens the gesture.
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nta - this may be harsh but what is wrong with your mom? how on earth would you be an ah for not giving money to someone for something they chose to do without being asked? he’s probably just being neighborly. that being said, why not bring him out a cold drink when he’s finished and drop some cookies by later as a “thanks, neighbor!” gesture? i’m not sure where you’re located, but stuff like this is pretty common here in the se usa.
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ywnbta even up to ignoring him forever and not even acknowledging him.
"you really didn't have to do that! thank you!" and close the door, would be totally fine.
if he were expecting money or homemade cookies he should have knocked on your door and made an offer that you could turn down without any hard feelings, or accept.
if he's doing it because he's just a helpful guy, for no other reason than noticed a very pregnant woman moved in without a man...i guess you get a free lawn mow, swell. maybe his wife or so can reach out and be neighborly and chat up or something so it's not awkward for you.
if he's doing it as like some passive "nice guy bank deposit" or something like that...still sounds like a him problem and nothing that's a you problem.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hear me out, i never asked him to. i’m not part of a hoa where it has to be done. he took it upon himself to mow it. i just moved in last month, i’m 24 weeks pregnant, and i’ll be a single mom. i don’t exactly have the funds to spare. i was on the phone with my mom and she said i should pay him. then she called me an ah when i told her i couldn’t afford it. i was thinking of offering to do something like make him dinner or whatever in return, but i’ve never met him and i don’t know him like that. would i be the ah if i just said thank you and went on with my life?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hear me out, i never asked him to. i’m not part of a hoa where it has to be done. he took it upon himself to mow it. i just moved in last month, i’m 24 weeks pregnant, and i’ll be a single mom. i don’t exactly have the funds to spare. i was on the phone with my mom and she said i should pay him. then she called me an ah when i told her i couldn’t afford it. i was thinking of offering to do something like make him dinner or whatever in return, but i’ve never met him and i don’t know him like that. would i be the ah if i just said thank you and went on with my life? [/INST] nta i actually think it might be rude to pay him because he’s doing what he’s doing out of kindness, and paying him turns it transactional. but a small gesture of thanks would be nice. for example if you like to bake or cook, maybe make extra tray of cookies or dish to give to him. or some other small gift that you think is appropriate </s>
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AITA for not wanting to rearrange my plans to accommodate my sis and BIL with a 1YO?
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my immediate family (all married adults) is planning a big family trip to disney and trying to figure out where we're going to stay. we want to stay on property for the convenience and full disney experience. we go every 2-3 years and have done both on and off property hotels and prefer staying on.
sis and bil want to share a room with someone to cut costs, but their 1yo is a challenging sleeper who goes to bed pretty early. whoever stayed with them would be pretty put out on a fun vacation by having to be super quiet in the room and potentially being woken up in the night if he's fussy, so no one is volunteering.
sis and bil are getting upset because they're saying they can't afford it if they have to pay for their own room on property. they're talking about not going because of it or at least staying at a different hotel off property. while we obviously want them to be able to go and would love for them to be able to stay with us, so we could spend more time together, if they can't make it work, they can't make it work.
either way the problem is that they're already playing the guilt card. they don't want to feel isolated by either not going or not staying near everyone else, and it's our fault because we wouldn't share a room.
are we the assholes for not going out of our way to accommodate them?
| 231 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c08tes/aita_for_not_wanting_to_rearrange_my_plans_to/
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2019-06-13 17:37:10
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nta
being a parent means sacrificing some things. the child is one, he won’t remember anything for another year or two yet. not going to disney this year isn’t going to kill them. they can save up more for the next time around (i believe you said 2-3 years) and the child will be old enough to participate and remember the experience.
it’s up to them to figure it out. you shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable or risk losing sleep because they want to bring their baby and want to share a room.
i chose nta because you said they are playing the guilt card. they need to accept some things, such as vacations, just won’t be as easy now that they’ve had a child.
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nta
if they're actually guilting people pretty bad than that's a dick move on their part.
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nta. screw that emotional manipulation shit. they had a kid, it's their responsibility to take care of it and not impose on other people's vacation that you all are spending a ton of money on and deserve to enjoy how you see fit.
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nta. nobody wants to share a room with a crying baby that isn't even theirs.
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nta. and if they had a kid and can't spring for their own hotel room...well, that's significant of much larger issues.
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nah
they made a choice to have a kid, that choice comes with both up and downsides. they're adults and are free to do what they want, same goes for you.
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nta - their kid is their problem, no one else deserves to have to tip-toe around a sleeping baby or miss out on *their* vacation fun so as to not disturb the baby. a very, very large part of parenting is having to make sacrifices for your kid and understanding that the rest of your family/the world is not required to make sacrifices too.
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nta, a vacation is for having fun and destressing. staying in a room with a one year is stressing and not fun, its not the baby's fault.
your mentality towards their situation is correct, if they can not afford to come they shouldnt. i can only imagine the car and plane rides with a baby taken in a new environment.
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nta. their child shouldn't inconvenience other people. the fact that they expect people to stay in a room with a 1 year old is pretty damn entitled imo, and then to guilt you for not wanting to is ridiculous. its not your problem that they can't afford to stay in their own room.
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nta - they can stay off the property with the annoying kid, or they can stay home since the baby is too young to give a shit anyway
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my immediate family (all married adults) is planning a big family trip to disney and trying to figure out where we're going to stay. we want to stay on property for the convenience and full disney experience. we go every 2-3 years and have done both on and off property hotels and prefer staying on. sis and bil want to share a room with someone to cut costs, but their 1yo is a challenging sleeper who goes to bed pretty early. whoever stayed with them would be pretty put out on a fun vacation by having to be super quiet in the room and potentially being woken up in the night if he's fussy, so no one is volunteering. sis and bil are getting upset because they're saying they can't afford it if they have to pay for their own room on property. they're talking about not going because of it or at least staying at a different hotel off property. while we obviously want them to be able to go and would love for them to be able to stay with us, so we could spend more time together, if they can't make it work, they can't make it work. either way the problem is that they're already playing the guilt card. they don't want to feel isolated by either not going or not staying near everyone else, and it's our fault because we wouldn't share a room. are we the assholes for not going out of our way to accommodate them?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my immediate family (all married adults) is planning a big family trip to disney and trying to figure out where we're going to stay. we want to stay on property for the convenience and full disney experience. we go every 2-3 years and have done both on and off property hotels and prefer staying on. sis and bil want to share a room with someone to cut costs, but their 1yo is a challenging sleeper who goes to bed pretty early. whoever stayed with them would be pretty put out on a fun vacation by having to be super quiet in the room and potentially being woken up in the night if he's fussy, so no one is volunteering. sis and bil are getting upset because they're saying they can't afford it if they have to pay for their own room on property. they're talking about not going because of it or at least staying at a different hotel off property. while we obviously want them to be able to go and would love for them to be able to stay with us, so we could spend more time together, if they can't make it work, they can't make it work. either way the problem is that they're already playing the guilt card. they don't want to feel isolated by either not going or not staying near everyone else, and it's our fault because we wouldn't share a room. are we the assholes for not going out of our way to accommodate them? [/INST] nta being a parent means sacrificing some things. the child is one, he won’t remember anything for another year or two yet. not going to disney this year isn’t going to kill them. they can save up more for the next time around (i believe you said 2-3 years) and the child will be old enough to participate and remember the experience. it’s up to them to figure it out. you shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable or risk losing sleep because they want to bring their baby and want to share a room. i chose nta because you said they are playing the guilt card. they need to accept some things, such as vacations, just won’t be as easy now that they’ve had a child. </s>
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AITA for telling my little brother that he needs to "stop being weird" because he's obsessed with death?
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i (17f) am the oldest of three siblings (13f and 9m).
as a little kid, my little brother had this imaginary friend called "law-nee." from what my brother said about him, law-nee was some sort of pirate.
two years ago, when my brother was 7, my brother came running into the living room one day, sobbing his head off, shouting that law-nee had "died." i remember my mom tried to say something like "oh, no, he's not dead, he's right there" (pointing at air, obviously), but my brother literally said "no, no, he's dead, his body's in my room." he brought us all into his bedroom, pointed at the floor, and made our dad "inspect the body." my dad wasn't sure what to do, so he just went "uh, yeah, he's dead." after that, my brother held a funeral for law-nee in our backyard.
it was all seriously uncomfortable, but my mom told my sister and i that it was probably our brother's way of growing up and moving past the world of imaginary friends, as well as a way for him to deal with the death of our great-uncle, who'd passed away a few months before. we all thought it was gonna be a short thing that he'd move on from.
but for the last two years, my brother has had a series of short-lived "imaginary friends." the first was law-nee's "son," and then there's been a bunch more since then. all of them have "died," and my brother has put on ever more elaborate funerals for them every time one passes away.
after the most recent "death," i refused to go outside for the funeral. all these fake funerals make me really uncomfortable, and this particular imaginary friend apparently died from "loneliness," which i think is a super messed up thing for a 9-year-old to make up. this really upset my brother, and he said that his friend "deserved to be mourned" and that i was messing everything up. eventually i snapped and told him to "stop being so freaking weird, jesus christ." then i went to my room.
my mom's really mad at me. she says that this is just a phase, and that we need to play along with my brother until he grows out of it. she told me to go apologize to him for calling him weird, and i refused.
thoughts?
| 548 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f2e40h/aita_for_telling_my_little_brother_that_he_needs/
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2020-02-11 20:08:35
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yta. i promise that your situation is not as weird or unusual as it sounds, and i mean that in the best way. i did the same thing as a kid, as did two of my cousins. my own mom was freaked when it was happening, but her mom group said that some of their own kids did it. it’s pretty normal, especially if you had a family member die. children have their own strange, unusual ways of dealing with not only death, but the concept of it. if he’s still doing it as a teenager, i would be concerned. but at 9? i wouldn’t worry about it. maybe not play along with it, sure, but don’t worry either. 🤷🏼♀️
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yta. some kids just have a morbid streak. at least he's acting it out with imaginary friends and not going full addams family. you don't have to play along, but don't be rude about it, let alone act like there's something wrong with him.
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[deleted]
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it sounds as if he's got some real anxieties that he's been trying to process. i'm a social worker, but i work with geriatrics, not children-- still from what i do know, it sounds as if he's either feeling alone or afraid of being left alone or abandoned. this could be routed in an incomplete or damaged attachment with your mom/parents. or perhaps the death or a grandparent or someone else he was close with.
is his pediatrician aware of these friends and their funerals? i know you're a sister and not a parent, so you don't necessarily have any say in how this might be handled. if someone, preferably with a background in child development, could get him to open up about what might be behind his obsession, he might outgrow this quicker.
please don't call him weird or snap at him, if you can help it. i won't say you're ta because he's your pesky brother and that's just the dynamic, but if you could avoid expressing that annoyance and try to be more understanding it would be better for him and the two of you might be able to be buddies!
i hope he's ok!
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yta. what your brother is doing isn't all that weird at all. kids process death in different ways--it's a pretty hard concept to wrap your mind around if you think about it. some kids have pretend graduations for their imaginary friends, and some kids have pretend funerals for them. my niece used to pretend she had a ghost twin that followed her around. i used to draw comic books about a monster who went around maiming people. kids do weird shit and you should give him a break.
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esh-light except the little brother. (he need "help")
is this kid followed by any specialist?
he's probably doing "rituals" because he needs it. funeral might just stuck with him because it's very serious.
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yta
you may be uncomfortable but your brother is young. he might be going through the grief of your great uncle dying, he might just be imagining his friends dying.
from the ages of 4-12 i had this 'imaginary friend' (recently found out it was a hallucination) who was super creepy to look at. he was pure black and had a creepy cartoon-y outline but had realistic eyes that bled constantly. i remember once i 'found him' hanging in the middle of my room and went crying to my mum. we held a fake funeral for him and he went away but i would still see shadow outlines in my room and would find them dead a few days later. my mum never enabled my behaviour but she sat me down and explained death to me and took me to the doctor. if she told me to grow up, i probably would have been worse off.
sorry for the long reply
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nah
i was similarly obsessed with death at your brother's age and it freaked my mum out. i know now i was clinically depressed even at 8/9 and it was my way of trying to figure out all those feelings. therapy is a good idea. i did art therapy and it helped, mostly because it was the only safe place i had to express myself.
he's projecting; i think it's safe to assume any feelings or thoughts the imaginary friends have are also ones that he has. all my imaginary friends were direct extensions of myself i couldn't articulate or were scared of.
just my thoughts, anyway. this is a delicate situation.
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nah (except your parents) you shouldn’t be forced to go outside and play along with it at 17. if your parents want it to continue instead of addressing the underlying issues that’s on them. that said it wouldn’t hurt to apologize and also explain to him why it’s weird if your parents refuse to do so.
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nta. all these people saying you are need to think back to being 17. i can tell you at 17 i would not have indulged this from my brother who is 7 years younger. i also probably would have been alot meaner about it. for what it's worth kids are weird and do weird stuff i'm sure you did too.
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YTA
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YTA
| null | null |
YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
| 0.372498 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (17f) am the oldest of three siblings (13f and 9m). as a little kid, my little brother had this imaginary friend called "law-nee." from what my brother said about him, law-nee was some sort of pirate. two years ago, when my brother was 7, my brother came running into the living room one day, sobbing his head off, shouting that law-nee had "died." i remember my mom tried to say something like "oh, no, he's not dead, he's right there" (pointing at air, obviously), but my brother literally said "no, no, he's dead, his body's in my room." he brought us all into his bedroom, pointed at the floor, and made our dad "inspect the body." my dad wasn't sure what to do, so he just went "uh, yeah, he's dead." after that, my brother held a funeral for law-nee in our backyard. it was all seriously uncomfortable, but my mom told my sister and i that it was probably our brother's way of growing up and moving past the world of imaginary friends, as well as a way for him to deal with the death of our great-uncle, who'd passed away a few months before. we all thought it was gonna be a short thing that he'd move on from. but for the last two years, my brother has had a series of short-lived "imaginary friends." the first was law-nee's "son," and then there's been a bunch more since then. all of them have "died," and my brother has put on ever more elaborate funerals for them every time one passes away. after the most recent "death," i refused to go outside for the funeral. all these fake funerals make me really uncomfortable, and this particular imaginary friend apparently died from "loneliness," which i think is a super messed up thing for a 9-year-old to make up. this really upset my brother, and he said that his friend "deserved to be mourned" and that i was messing everything up. eventually i snapped and told him to "stop being so freaking weird, jesus christ." then i went to my room. my mom's really mad at me. she says that this is just a phase, and that we need to play along with my brother until he grows out of it. she told me to go apologize to him for calling him weird, and i refused. thoughts?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (17f) am the oldest of three siblings (13f and 9m). as a little kid, my little brother had this imaginary friend called "law-nee." from what my brother said about him, law-nee was some sort of pirate. two years ago, when my brother was 7, my brother came running into the living room one day, sobbing his head off, shouting that law-nee had "died." i remember my mom tried to say something like "oh, no, he's not dead, he's right there" (pointing at air, obviously), but my brother literally said "no, no, he's dead, his body's in my room." he brought us all into his bedroom, pointed at the floor, and made our dad "inspect the body." my dad wasn't sure what to do, so he just went "uh, yeah, he's dead." after that, my brother held a funeral for law-nee in our backyard. it was all seriously uncomfortable, but my mom told my sister and i that it was probably our brother's way of growing up and moving past the world of imaginary friends, as well as a way for him to deal with the death of our great-uncle, who'd passed away a few months before. we all thought it was gonna be a short thing that he'd move on from. but for the last two years, my brother has had a series of short-lived "imaginary friends." the first was law-nee's "son," and then there's been a bunch more since then. all of them have "died," and my brother has put on ever more elaborate funerals for them every time one passes away. after the most recent "death," i refused to go outside for the funeral. all these fake funerals make me really uncomfortable, and this particular imaginary friend apparently died from "loneliness," which i think is a super messed up thing for a 9-year-old to make up. this really upset my brother, and he said that his friend "deserved to be mourned" and that i was messing everything up. eventually i snapped and told him to "stop being so freaking weird, jesus christ." then i went to my room. my mom's really mad at me. she says that this is just a phase, and that we need to play along with my brother until he grows out of it. she told me to go apologize to him for calling him weird, and i refused. thoughts? [/INST] yta. i promise that your situation is not as weird or unusual as it sounds, and i mean that in the best way. i did the same thing as a kid, as did two of my cousins. my own mom was freaked when it was happening, but her mom group said that some of their own kids did it. it’s pretty normal, especially if you had a family member die. children have their own strange, unusual ways of dealing with not only death, but the concept of it. if he’s still doing it as a teenager, i would be concerned. but at 9? i wouldn’t worry about it. maybe not play along with it, sure, but don’t worry either. 🤷🏼♀️ </s>
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AITA for saying my religion is the Flying Spaghetti Monster?
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so for a class discussion we had to do a short presentation on something we have a strong belief in. could be religion, politics, etc.
i (16m) am an atheist and chose pastafarianism, which is the church of the flying spaghetti monster 👾 as my religion.
the whole class was laughing except two students who were strict muslim and christian.
my teacher asked "are you just doing this as a joke or to prove some point?" so i admitted i was. i then calmly explained why i thought religions such as christianity and islam were dumb, which made the two students look even angrier at me.
teacher had a word with me after me class and said don't pull that shit again. i said okay, but it's still within my free speech to say all religion, especially monotheistic ones (islam, judaism and christianity) are evil. my teacher is a christian and he looked a bit pissed so said i need to stay on focus/topic.
as it stands, i already get good grades. his class is the one i don't take seriously tbh, mostly because of the nonsense subject matter on the module and partly because he's a christian but i calmly explained my points aita?
| 7,627 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b7lluf/aita_for_saying_my_religion_is_the_flying/
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2019-03-31 08:38:30
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yta - stop trying to be an edgy teenager, what other people believe in is their business.
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yta. not for saying you're pastafarian but because you insulted other people's religions to their faces. that's rude.
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yta
something you'll learn more intimately as you get older is that being right (or thinking you're right), doesn't *give you the right* to 'educate' other people you perceive to be wrong.
sometimes respect is more important and you're the asshole until you learn that.
people who have different religious or political beliefs than your own come from different backgrounds. you haven't walked in their shoes, you haven't seen the things they've seen. conversations regarding these topics require mutual respect and permission to be engaged in. it is only then that either participant can learn or grow. but you weren't interested in that. you chose to engage with no intention other than to mock your peers.
you're an asshole, kid. i hope you take this as a chance to take a deep look at yourself, because you should be embarrassed and ashamed.
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yta.
>16m
what a shock 🙄
god if i could go back in time to punch my edgy teenage self i would.
>his class is the one i don't take seriously tbh, mostly because of the nonsense subject matter on the module and partly because he's a christian
so you think you're superior to him because you're an atheist? you're a child. you know nothing.
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yta. you could have done a presentation on something you *actually* believe, but instead you took the opportunity to mock other people unprovoked. you can explain your opinion as "calmly" as you want, but if it comes from a place of condescension and assumed-superiority you're still the asshole.
ps: that's not how free speech works.
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so, let me recap: you're being invited to speak about something you believe strongly in, and you take that opportunity to make a mockery of all your classmates by turning your presentation into a joke, then upon questioning you can only express your ideas in the negative by getting into how much you hate religion?
is this a shitpost? you don't even have the guts to speak seriously about the things you believe in when you have an open mic and then you're going to shit on people that presumably do? it doesn't just sound like yta in this situation, it sounds like you are just an asshole generally. it's time to start growing up.
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yta. you insulted peoples religion. no one cares that you've just discovered edgy online atheism, keep it to yourself.
(also you do have a right to free speech, you can say what you want, but that doesn't mean other people interested have the right to be pissed off with you for it.)
|
yta
"his class is the one i don't take seriously tbh \[...\] , partly because he's a christian", that makes you the asshole. yes, i know it was mostly because of the other reason, but still. and also:
"explaining why the religions are dumb and evil" is extremely counter-producent. no one is gonna listen to you if you antagonize them and say "the thing you believe is the most important thing in the universe is evil and dumb". you are never gonna have a functional conversation with anyone speaking like that. trust me - when i was 16 i was exactly like that, and it never worked. instead, speaking about "why i chose to stop believing in god and religion" will net you much better conversations, less confrontation, and its gonna make you a lot less of an asshole. and more pleasant to be around just in general.
just imagine someone talking to you "hey - atheism is a flawed vision that only vile people, without morals, deeply corrupted and evil believe in. our jails are full of people just like you, who don't believe in any higher power and then commit murders and crimes. oh, also... would you mind listening to a point i wanna make?" yeah - you woulnd't listen to one word this person said after that. and that is kinda what you are doing, in their eyes.
i am an atheist just like you, but remember - that doesn't make us "superior human beings". or "smarter" than deists.
tbh you are 16 though - and maturity brings tolerance (usually)
if you wanna talk about that subject with someone who, 9 years ago, had a world view exactly like yours (25m), feel free to send me a pm
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info. why fsm? you’re a self-proclaimed atheist. why not atheism? agnosticism? separation of church and state?
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~~you're not an asshole, you're just an dumbass.~~
actually, after seeing how the comment thread is going, i'm changing my vote. yta. you weren't looking to make coherent or well-reasoned arguments about what all you think is dumb about religion, you *literally* went into this looking to ridicule people.
i get it, religion is dumb, and i, too, hold a variety of opinions on that topic that many people would find offensive.
but doing what you did isn't going to win you any brownie points with people, particularly your teacher who's the one assigning your grades, and you knew that going in. you did this *just* because you were curious to see who you could offend.
i say you're not an asshole because it's not like anybody is going to whither and die from the emotional damage of listening to someone with a conflicting viewpoint, no matter how douchy the delivery. it's just kinda cringe, you know?
> it's still within my free speech
dude, if the best thing that can be said for your comment is that it *wasn't technically illegal* for you to say it, you may want to re-think what you're even doing.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
|
YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so for a class discussion we had to do a short presentation on something we have a strong belief in. could be religion, politics, etc. i (16m) am an atheist and chose pastafarianism, which is the church of the flying spaghetti monster 👾 as my religion. the whole class was laughing except two students who were strict muslim and christian. my teacher asked "are you just doing this as a joke or to prove some point?" so i admitted i was. i then calmly explained why i thought religions such as christianity and islam were dumb, which made the two students look even angrier at me. teacher had a word with me after me class and said don't pull that shit again. i said okay, but it's still within my free speech to say all religion, especially monotheistic ones (islam, judaism and christianity) are evil. my teacher is a christian and he looked a bit pissed so said i need to stay on focus/topic. as it stands, i already get good grades. his class is the one i don't take seriously tbh, mostly because of the nonsense subject matter on the module and partly because he's a christian but i calmly explained my points aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so for a class discussion we had to do a short presentation on something we have a strong belief in. could be religion, politics, etc. i (16m) am an atheist and chose pastafarianism, which is the church of the flying spaghetti monster 👾 as my religion. the whole class was laughing except two students who were strict muslim and christian. my teacher asked "are you just doing this as a joke or to prove some point?" so i admitted i was. i then calmly explained why i thought religions such as christianity and islam were dumb, which made the two students look even angrier at me. teacher had a word with me after me class and said don't pull that shit again. i said okay, but it's still within my free speech to say all religion, especially monotheistic ones (islam, judaism and christianity) are evil. my teacher is a christian and he looked a bit pissed so said i need to stay on focus/topic. as it stands, i already get good grades. his class is the one i don't take seriously tbh, mostly because of the nonsense subject matter on the module and partly because he's a christian but i calmly explained my points aita? [/INST] yta - stop trying to be an edgy teenager, what other people believe in is their business. </s>
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AITA for making fun of my BIL after he lost a shit ton of money investing in crypto?
|
so my(27m) sil’s husband(31m) is a piece of work. he’s a bit of a braggart and gets off on boasting about his money and the things he’s bought with said money. me and my wife aren’t exactly struggling, but we’re not as well off as them.
every time we visit them, he’ll pull me aside to show off whatever new gadget he bought. whenever we go out to dinner with them, he’ll insist on paying in the most condescending way possible. he’ll also try to give me financial advice which is just annoying.
my wife doesn’t like him, but she puts up with it since she’s very close to her sister. i’m kinda close to my wife, so i put up with it for her.
so he got into crypto a year ago and shortly after nfts. i work in finance and have learned a decent amount about crypto. i’m not some expert, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see how it’s a ponzi scheme. when he brought me this advice we argued on it. he accused me of not wanting to give my wife the life she deserves.
he also said that he was going to make his family millionaires and called me naïve for not wanting to join in. idk if y’all have been watching the news lately but a lot of cryptos aren’t doing so hot. we hosted them for dinner with them last night. it was awkward. there was some tension there, but i really couldn’t tell why.
in a period of silence, i asked him, “so are y’all millionaires yet?” in that moment my wife’s sister put her head down into her hands and was in tears in seconds. her husband explained he bet money they couldn’t afford on various cryptos that crashed. he lost a shit ton of money and said unless they figure something out they won’t be able to stay in their house or pay for their 2 daughters’ preschool.
i was immediately met with a glare from him and my wife. i felt bad but i honestly didn’t know and i wouldn’t have mocked him. i knew he lost money but i didn’t know he was going to lose that much.
on when they left, my wife accused me of being in a dick measuring cons test against my him and said i took it too far. i tried to argue that he started it and she told me i was being a child.
aita?
| 6,726 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uod4l3/aita_for_making_fun_of_my_bil_after_he_lost_a/
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2022-05-12 22:33:04
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nta. first, you did not know. second, after him gloating so much, there had to be some schadenfreude going on for you which is understandable.
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nta-you did not know he was leveraged in crytpo and lost the home.
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the people who talk the most about their money are often the people who spend too much trying to project an image.
i'm down a ton in crypto too, but not like mortgage or retirement. the losses are all on paper til we sell; i have zero doubt my eth holdings will recover.
*i’m kinda close to my wife*
that's good!
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[removed]
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nta. crypto is a delicious ponzu scheme 😂
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[removed]
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nta.. just poor timing with a bad joke, which made you look like ah. i think you should though call your sil & bil an offer an apology that you didn't know the situation they are in and that it was a bad comment made at the wrong time.
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"i'm kinda close to my wife" lol.
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esh he sounds exhausting and annoying.
i dont get your "he started it" excuse though... from the way you describe it, things were quiet and tense, you could tell something was wrong, but didnt know what, and decided to break the silence by mocking him. after finding out what was wrong, you doubled down that you had to say it cause he started it. so im guessing you left out what happened just before you made that reply to start things.
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nta. he made his bed now he can lay on it
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
ESH
|
NTA
| 0.034939 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my(27m) sil’s husband(31m) is a piece of work. he’s a bit of a braggart and gets off on boasting about his money and the things he’s bought with said money. me and my wife aren’t exactly struggling, but we’re not as well off as them. every time we visit them, he’ll pull me aside to show off whatever new gadget he bought. whenever we go out to dinner with them, he’ll insist on paying in the most condescending way possible. he’ll also try to give me financial advice which is just annoying. my wife doesn’t like him, but she puts up with it since she’s very close to her sister. i’m kinda close to my wife, so i put up with it for her. so he got into crypto a year ago and shortly after nfts. i work in finance and have learned a decent amount about crypto. i’m not some expert, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see how it’s a ponzi scheme. when he brought me this advice we argued on it. he accused me of not wanting to give my wife the life she deserves. he also said that he was going to make his family millionaires and called me naïve for not wanting to join in. idk if y’all have been watching the news lately but a lot of cryptos aren’t doing so hot. we hosted them for dinner with them last night. it was awkward. there was some tension there, but i really couldn’t tell why. in a period of silence, i asked him, “so are y’all millionaires yet?” in that moment my wife’s sister put her head down into her hands and was in tears in seconds. her husband explained he bet money they couldn’t afford on various cryptos that crashed. he lost a shit ton of money and said unless they figure something out they won’t be able to stay in their house or pay for their 2 daughters’ preschool. i was immediately met with a glare from him and my wife. i felt bad but i honestly didn’t know and i wouldn’t have mocked him. i knew he lost money but i didn’t know he was going to lose that much. on when they left, my wife accused me of being in a dick measuring cons test against my him and said i took it too far. i tried to argue that he started it and she told me i was being a child. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my(27m) sil’s husband(31m) is a piece of work. he’s a bit of a braggart and gets off on boasting about his money and the things he’s bought with said money. me and my wife aren’t exactly struggling, but we’re not as well off as them. every time we visit them, he’ll pull me aside to show off whatever new gadget he bought. whenever we go out to dinner with them, he’ll insist on paying in the most condescending way possible. he’ll also try to give me financial advice which is just annoying. my wife doesn’t like him, but she puts up with it since she’s very close to her sister. i’m kinda close to my wife, so i put up with it for her. so he got into crypto a year ago and shortly after nfts. i work in finance and have learned a decent amount about crypto. i’m not some expert, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see how it’s a ponzi scheme. when he brought me this advice we argued on it. he accused me of not wanting to give my wife the life she deserves. he also said that he was going to make his family millionaires and called me naïve for not wanting to join in. idk if y’all have been watching the news lately but a lot of cryptos aren’t doing so hot. we hosted them for dinner with them last night. it was awkward. there was some tension there, but i really couldn’t tell why. in a period of silence, i asked him, “so are y’all millionaires yet?” in that moment my wife’s sister put her head down into her hands and was in tears in seconds. her husband explained he bet money they couldn’t afford on various cryptos that crashed. he lost a shit ton of money and said unless they figure something out they won’t be able to stay in their house or pay for their 2 daughters’ preschool. i was immediately met with a glare from him and my wife. i felt bad but i honestly didn’t know and i wouldn’t have mocked him. i knew he lost money but i didn’t know he was going to lose that much. on when they left, my wife accused me of being in a dick measuring cons test against my him and said i took it too far. i tried to argue that he started it and she told me i was being a child. aita? [/INST] nta. first, you did not know. second, after him gloating so much, there had to be some schadenfreude going on for you which is understandable. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to adopt all of my cousin's children if something were to happen to her?
|
i (26f) have a cousin (31f) who has six children, all between the ages of <1 and 12. she has sole custody of them all, and i believe she does a decent job providing for them all. the two of us and the rest of our family recently attended a socially-distanced family picnic where all the kids got together. i'm one of very few of my many cousins to not have children, and although there is the occasional bingo my family is becoming more accepting of the fact that i am childfree.
the day went on nicely with the kids playing in the park and the adults having drinks and playing cards and whatnot. soon, however, the topic somehow came up about life insurance being necessary when you have children. while i agreed that this was true, i also noted that one would need life insurance without children as well, and this would be best to take care of any final expenses/debts. my cousin chimed in saying that i have a good point, especially since i'll need whatever insurance any of the cousins with children had since i'll be taking their children should something happen to them.
y'all.
i could not catch the face i made before i stared her down like she'd lost her mind. i let her know that not only did i not agree to this, but that i won't be doing it. i could see if by some extraordinary circumstance their fathers or other close relatives could not care for them (there are 4 fathers between the six of her kids), then i might bite the bullet and take one or two in to keep them out of the system. however, there is no way i'm taking in 6 orphaned children at once. she was appalled that i wouldn't be willing to throw away my life to care for her platoon worth of kids, and called me selfish. the rest of my relatives chimed in that they "kinda" understood, but still felt that i should be willing to do it because "family." aita?
| 2,945 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iaakdz/aita_for_not_wanting_to_adopt_all_of_my_cousins/
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2020-08-15 16:38:51
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nta-
it wouldn't be your responsibility, a family court would make the decision and home them if required.
it'd be one of the next of kin first though, however that doesn't mean it needs to be you.
the family courts would take your income, your ability to care for these children and the fact of whether you'd even want to look after them.
*
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nta why did she think a woman who was childfree would willingly take in 6 kids when there are fathers, fathers families, and her immediate family?
its flattering she thinks you are the most capable when you have 0 child experience but she is living in a dream world.
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nta. you've made a choice for your own life. your cousin needs to make a choice regarding placement that fits her own life. she said this so much as a "done deal" that i wonder if she already named you as guardian in her will and insurance beneficiary desigation. you should ask her! she needs to make other plans.
i'll be honest, 6 kids by 4 fathers doesn't sound like good life choices have been made. so nothing she did would surprise me. in the event she did die and her will names you as guardian, you would be free to refuse, but of course it would be preferable that she pick someone more willing, anyway.
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nta. you don't want kids, you didn't agree to this, and hell...i *want* kids but wouldn't want to/be able to take in six orphaned children.
> the rest of my **relatives** chimed in that they "kinda" understood, but still felt that i should be willing to do it because "family."
oh, look at that. there's relatives, which means there's other family who can take them in. amazing how people are always so generous with others' time, money, and energy, but don't use that to step up.
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nta - she - and the others who agreed with her - are absolutely ahs for assuming that anyone *besides their fathers* are obligated to raise her children should she pass.
and for assuming that the fathers do not have rights, and for assuming the children would be best served growing up in a home with someone who does not even *want* children.
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>the rest of my relatives chimed in that they "kinda" understood, but still felt that i should be willing to do it because "family."
if anyone says that to you, then tell them they should take in all six kids if they feel that way about "family"
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nta. it’s a hypothetical situation that may never happen. now, if cousin was on the brink of death or something then it should be brought up. but, why randomly bring this up? it seems like she wanted to stir the pot and aggravate you a little bit, imo.
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nta.
i have kids and i have custody and i asked my brother if he would take my two kids if something happens to me.
key word: asked.
he agreed, and their father also agreed as long as he still gets to see them (he's not parent material and even he admits that).
you ask people if they'll take kids on. you don't expect them to or guilt them about it. it's up to you if you'd take any, how many, and on what terms.
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nta. if you are designating someone to take your children if you die that is definitely something you need to discuss before you write the will. especially six (6!??) children to a childfree 26-year-old when their fathers are still alive.
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nta
why would anyone have 6 fucking kids between 4 partners. i don’t feel like this woman has bothered with proper protection and will probably end up with more in the coming years.
which would mean she would want you to look after much more than 6 if she dies.
this is insane. at least maria from the sound of music had her husband to sorta of help. you are just one person.
one person who doesn’t even want children.
let the other relatives take in the kids if they want. this is not your responsibility
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (26f) have a cousin (31f) who has six children, all between the ages of <1 and 12. she has sole custody of them all, and i believe she does a decent job providing for them all. the two of us and the rest of our family recently attended a socially-distanced family picnic where all the kids got together. i'm one of very few of my many cousins to not have children, and although there is the occasional bingo my family is becoming more accepting of the fact that i am childfree. the day went on nicely with the kids playing in the park and the adults having drinks and playing cards and whatnot. soon, however, the topic somehow came up about life insurance being necessary when you have children. while i agreed that this was true, i also noted that one would need life insurance without children as well, and this would be best to take care of any final expenses/debts. my cousin chimed in saying that i have a good point, especially since i'll need whatever insurance any of the cousins with children had since i'll be taking their children should something happen to them. y'all. i could not catch the face i made before i stared her down like she'd lost her mind. i let her know that not only did i not agree to this, but that i won't be doing it. i could see if by some extraordinary circumstance their fathers or other close relatives could not care for them (there are 4 fathers between the six of her kids), then i might bite the bullet and take one or two in to keep them out of the system. however, there is no way i'm taking in 6 orphaned children at once. she was appalled that i wouldn't be willing to throw away my life to care for her platoon worth of kids, and called me selfish. the rest of my relatives chimed in that they "kinda" understood, but still felt that i should be willing to do it because "family." aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (26f) have a cousin (31f) who has six children, all between the ages of <1 and 12. she has sole custody of them all, and i believe she does a decent job providing for them all. the two of us and the rest of our family recently attended a socially-distanced family picnic where all the kids got together. i'm one of very few of my many cousins to not have children, and although there is the occasional bingo my family is becoming more accepting of the fact that i am childfree. the day went on nicely with the kids playing in the park and the adults having drinks and playing cards and whatnot. soon, however, the topic somehow came up about life insurance being necessary when you have children. while i agreed that this was true, i also noted that one would need life insurance without children as well, and this would be best to take care of any final expenses/debts. my cousin chimed in saying that i have a good point, especially since i'll need whatever insurance any of the cousins with children had since i'll be taking their children should something happen to them. y'all. i could not catch the face i made before i stared her down like she'd lost her mind. i let her know that not only did i not agree to this, but that i won't be doing it. i could see if by some extraordinary circumstance their fathers or other close relatives could not care for them (there are 4 fathers between the six of her kids), then i might bite the bullet and take one or two in to keep them out of the system. however, there is no way i'm taking in 6 orphaned children at once. she was appalled that i wouldn't be willing to throw away my life to care for her platoon worth of kids, and called me selfish. the rest of my relatives chimed in that they "kinda" understood, but still felt that i should be willing to do it because "family." aita? [/INST] nta- it wouldn't be your responsibility, a family court would make the decision and home them if required. it'd be one of the next of kin first though, however that doesn't mean it needs to be you. the family courts would take your income, your ability to care for these children and the fact of whether you'd even want to look after them. * </s>
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AITA for telling my sister to grow up?
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i am 28m and my sister is 25f. we did not get along as kids. she was the typical annoying little sister and i was the mean older brother. i teased her a lot growing up, but i did my best to make sure that if i did tease her or if we did have a fight that i said sorry or made her feel like i didn't mean any of it. i never wanted her to go to bed thinking we were not on good terms.
she moved out when i was 22 and she was 19, i went to her farewell party and i really thought we were good, i never apologized for what i did but i was proud of her for going to college. we stayed in contact about once a month just saying how our lives are going, we weren't close but we weren't pushing it and i enjoyed seeing her tell me whats going on in her life. she came back for thanksgiving when i was 23 and she was 20, and it went well. i saw her in person like one more time at christmas when i was 25 and she was 22. i didn't go to any family holidays on my side for like 3 years since i got really serious with my so (we got engaged 2 months ago). and i went to her families place for those holidays since we lived closer.
yesterday was my dad's birthday and i haven't seen him in person for a few years so i spent quite a bit of money to have me and my so fly down to their house and stay the week. my sister was there too, i was happy to see her in person again and have her meet my so. the whole party was fine and i know my parents were happy that both their kids were together in their house again. at night when my parents went to bed. i was having a drink with my sister, when my so was going to the store for breakfast material. the subject of our past years somehow came up, i told her i feel bad and i'm sorry for any troubles i gave her during that time. i could tell she was kinda miffed and idk if it was the alcohol talking but she basically said that once our parents die, she doesn't want much to do with me cause how much of an ass i was when we were kids. i was shocked when she said that, because i thought we both moved on from that and thought we had a loving/caring (yet distant) relationship. i didn't even know what to say, i was/am heart broken because i do love her and always wanted us to at least be caring towards each other but she basically said she has no desire to do much with me kinda hurt. i finally got it out and said "what we did as kids was years ago and if your still on about that then you just need to grow up, i'm sorry how i treated you but it shouldn't be the basis of why you hate me now."
she didn't say anything after that but "you done?" and then went to bed. the next day she talked to me like nothing happened, i was weirded out by that but didn't want to make a scene in front of our parents who still have the view of us being close.
so reddit i ask you aita for telling my sister to grow up after she's holding onto grudges that have to be like 10+ years old?
| 1,182 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dft68z/aita_for_telling_my_sister_to_grow_up/
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2019-10-10 05:02:58
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yta
- you were a dick to your sister for years
- your sister tells you she doesn’t want to be around you because you were such a dick
- you make a total dick comment to her immediately after that
- you post on reddit wondering if you were a dick
i bet there’s a lot more going on here that we don’t see. this story seems to try to write you off as the good guy but you sound like a complete dick
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yta: maybe you were more of a dick to her than you thought. my older brother routinely called me fat when we were kids up until i went crying to my parents about it. he was *floored* when he realised how much that was actually fucking with my head. he still calls me selfish and uncaring as a "joke" but it really screws with my self-esteem and while i don't want to cut him out of my life (yet) i do have some resentment towards him because...i told him to stop and he didn't. telling him repeatedly to stop should've don it but it didn't. why? he enjoyed the reaction. and that still pisses me off.
"it shouldn't be the basis of why you hate me now." why not? your apology, quite frankly, sucked as you basically told her that she was being a baby about this and that she needed to grow up. if she feels that you were such a douche when you were kids that she no longer wants to speak with you now...who are you to get defensive and tell her she's being a baby *while you apologise*. seriously, that's a bad apology.
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i mean, no one is obligated to like anyone else.
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yta. you can't be upset about experiencing the consequences of your actions.
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yta such a one that our sister has obviously decided that you aren't worth her time and she's obviously only polite to you for your parents sake. if my sister told me that i had upset her, even unintentionally i would say sorry and try to work it out not tell her to grow up. i think she may have a point.
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info: how bad was the teasing? did it ever get physical? did you embarrass her at school?
sure op you may have saw her as the annoying little sister but she could have looked up to you and felt bullied by her older brother her whole life if the teasing was constant.
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yta and i'm writing this as someone in the same position. my brother and i fought a lot when we were kids, i moved on, he didn't. that's up to them and minimising their feelings just makes you more the asshole.
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yta - you don’t get to decide how she feels about years of being tormented by you. honestly, how did you think years of bullying would be taken? it always amazes me when bully’s try to act like the victim.
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yta. i just read her post and it’s just clear that she’s never been important to you and she owes you nothing. truly nothing. it really sucks for her that she doesn’t have a brother who really makes an effort for her and puts an so (at literally every single holiday) over her. i wouldn’t want anything to do with you either.
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nah it sounds like you guys both have very different understandings of what happened when you were kids and your relationship now. you think you teased her, it was just dumb kid stuff and you grew out of it. she clearly takes it more seriously, and probably would have liked an apology 10 years ago. it sounds like she also doesn't think you're close at all.
it's impossible for me to tell which one you is right because kids remember their childhoods really differently.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
| 0.041117 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am 28m and my sister is 25f. we did not get along as kids. she was the typical annoying little sister and i was the mean older brother. i teased her a lot growing up, but i did my best to make sure that if i did tease her or if we did have a fight that i said sorry or made her feel like i didn't mean any of it. i never wanted her to go to bed thinking we were not on good terms. she moved out when i was 22 and she was 19, i went to her farewell party and i really thought we were good, i never apologized for what i did but i was proud of her for going to college. we stayed in contact about once a month just saying how our lives are going, we weren't close but we weren't pushing it and i enjoyed seeing her tell me whats going on in her life. she came back for thanksgiving when i was 23 and she was 20, and it went well. i saw her in person like one more time at christmas when i was 25 and she was 22. i didn't go to any family holidays on my side for like 3 years since i got really serious with my so (we got engaged 2 months ago). and i went to her families place for those holidays since we lived closer. yesterday was my dad's birthday and i haven't seen him in person for a few years so i spent quite a bit of money to have me and my so fly down to their house and stay the week. my sister was there too, i was happy to see her in person again and have her meet my so. the whole party was fine and i know my parents were happy that both their kids were together in their house again. at night when my parents went to bed. i was having a drink with my sister, when my so was going to the store for breakfast material. the subject of our past years somehow came up, i told her i feel bad and i'm sorry for any troubles i gave her during that time. i could tell she was kinda miffed and idk if it was the alcohol talking but she basically said that once our parents die, she doesn't want much to do with me cause how much of an ass i was when we were kids. i was shocked when she said that, because i thought we both moved on from that and thought we had a loving/caring (yet distant) relationship. i didn't even know what to say, i was/am heart broken because i do love her and always wanted us to at least be caring towards each other but she basically said she has no desire to do much with me kinda hurt. i finally got it out and said "what we did as kids was years ago and if your still on about that then you just need to grow up, i'm sorry how i treated you but it shouldn't be the basis of why you hate me now." she didn't say anything after that but "you done?" and then went to bed. the next day she talked to me like nothing happened, i was weirded out by that but didn't want to make a scene in front of our parents who still have the view of us being close. so reddit i ask you aita for telling my sister to grow up after she's holding onto grudges that have to be like 10+ years old?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am 28m and my sister is 25f. we did not get along as kids. she was the typical annoying little sister and i was the mean older brother. i teased her a lot growing up, but i did my best to make sure that if i did tease her or if we did have a fight that i said sorry or made her feel like i didn't mean any of it. i never wanted her to go to bed thinking we were not on good terms. she moved out when i was 22 and she was 19, i went to her farewell party and i really thought we were good, i never apologized for what i did but i was proud of her for going to college. we stayed in contact about once a month just saying how our lives are going, we weren't close but we weren't pushing it and i enjoyed seeing her tell me whats going on in her life. she came back for thanksgiving when i was 23 and she was 20, and it went well. i saw her in person like one more time at christmas when i was 25 and she was 22. i didn't go to any family holidays on my side for like 3 years since i got really serious with my so (we got engaged 2 months ago). and i went to her families place for those holidays since we lived closer. yesterday was my dad's birthday and i haven't seen him in person for a few years so i spent quite a bit of money to have me and my so fly down to their house and stay the week. my sister was there too, i was happy to see her in person again and have her meet my so. the whole party was fine and i know my parents were happy that both their kids were together in their house again. at night when my parents went to bed. i was having a drink with my sister, when my so was going to the store for breakfast material. the subject of our past years somehow came up, i told her i feel bad and i'm sorry for any troubles i gave her during that time. i could tell she was kinda miffed and idk if it was the alcohol talking but she basically said that once our parents die, she doesn't want much to do with me cause how much of an ass i was when we were kids. i was shocked when she said that, because i thought we both moved on from that and thought we had a loving/caring (yet distant) relationship. i didn't even know what to say, i was/am heart broken because i do love her and always wanted us to at least be caring towards each other but she basically said she has no desire to do much with me kinda hurt. i finally got it out and said "what we did as kids was years ago and if your still on about that then you just need to grow up, i'm sorry how i treated you but it shouldn't be the basis of why you hate me now." she didn't say anything after that but "you done?" and then went to bed. the next day she talked to me like nothing happened, i was weirded out by that but didn't want to make a scene in front of our parents who still have the view of us being close. so reddit i ask you aita for telling my sister to grow up after she's holding onto grudges that have to be like 10+ years old? [/INST] yta - you were a dick to your sister for years - your sister tells you she doesn’t want to be around you because you were such a dick - you make a total dick comment to her immediately after that - you post on reddit wondering if you were a dick i bet there’s a lot more going on here that we don’t see. this story seems to try to write you off as the good guy but you sound like a complete dick </s>
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AITA for reporting my DoorDash driver even after they apologized?
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i can't legally drive at night due to night blindness so i decided to doordash some food for myself and my husband. it was a large order but i was hungry and my husband had just gotten off work from a sixteen hour shift and was starving. after tax and fees the order was $20.00. i tipped $8.00, figuring a little more than the standard amount would be appropriate given the late hour (9:45pm) and the size of the order. i picked the option "leave at door".
when my dasher got to my house they rang the bell. i figured there was a problem so i answered the door. the dasher told me that i should give them a larger tip because of how long they'd had to wait at the restaurant, because the order was so big, and because of the lateness of the evening. i told the driver i wasn't going to tip anymore than i had and took my food. the dasher told me i should have just gone to get it myself instead of wasting their time.
i know i didn't owe anyone an explanation but i explained to them that due to my rapidly degenerative vision i can't legally or safely drive at night and door dash is a safer option. it was like someone flipped a switch because my dasher started backtracking and apologizing. tried telling me they were just having a bad night and they were sorry. i really didn't know what to say so i shut the door. at the end of the order you have the option to rate the delivery and order. the food was fine so i gave them a good review but i gave my dasher the lowest rating i could and then reported them for their attitude.
my husband told me i should have just given her the bad review and let it go. told me i was overreacting and if that interaction was so bad that i felt the need to report the driver then he hoped i never deal with the people he sees on a daily basis. now i feel like a dick. did i do the right thing?
| 2,754 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kphc9t/aita_for_reporting_my_doordash_driver_even_after/
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2021-01-03 08:56:16
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nta - $8 tip on a $20 order is a 40% tip. that’s double the standard 20%. there was no good reason to confront you like that.
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nta i would be so pissed if someone breached contactless delivery like that. they’re putting us both at risk and adding stress to what should be a nice thing. dashers do have a stressful job, but your tip was quite generous and they do get some choice about whether to take orders.
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nta and your husband’s response is weird. just because there might be bigger assholes out there (the people he works with) doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to call out bad behavior. you’d already left nearly a 50% tip, and your dasher knew it was a large order before accepting it. nice that they apologized, but this might be a good lesson for them... in professional environments you don’t always get second chances.
still hung up on your husband’s response. maybe he has trouble asserting himself and felt threatened that you were able to be so direct? idk, but please don’t feel guilty about this.
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nta
that driver absolutely deserves to be reported and to get a low rating for that stunt. demanding more tip because he had to wait and knocking on your door during a pandemic are both deserving of being reported for it if he had only done one of them.
maybe i just live in a more expensive part of the world, but $20 isn't a large order.
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nta. how can someone working for door dash even complain about the time? you choose to work whatever hours you want. $8.00 is a pretty generous tip imo. i can't imagine an order where you only paid $20 would be such a large order that they'd have a difficult time with it either, but even if it was that's still not any sort of justification.
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nta, she chose to lose her job. you haven't made her lose her job.
i'm from the uk so already think wtf about your tipping culture. it's not your job to pay her wages, it's door dashes poor business models fault.
even from this side of the world i know tips are normally between 15-30pc. you gave 40.
if i had the option to remove the tip after that chat i would of.
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are you sure you didn’t mean $200? because 20$ is ridiculously low for me. i live in ny and when i order for me and my boyfriend from chili’s or applebee’s or something the door dash order comes out to at least $40+, and that’s not usually a big order. just two entrees and that’s it. i just can’t imagine someone bitching over $8 for a $20 order. that’s nearly half. nta.
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i frequently use door dash and if that happened to me i would report the driver asap & withdraw the tip.
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nta. that's absolutely the appropriate action to take. his employer should be aware of that conduct so they can deal with it.
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info: how much food did $20 get you
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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INFO
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i can't legally drive at night due to night blindness so i decided to doordash some food for myself and my husband. it was a large order but i was hungry and my husband had just gotten off work from a sixteen hour shift and was starving. after tax and fees the order was $20.00. i tipped $8.00, figuring a little more than the standard amount would be appropriate given the late hour (9:45pm) and the size of the order. i picked the option "leave at door". when my dasher got to my house they rang the bell. i figured there was a problem so i answered the door. the dasher told me that i should give them a larger tip because of how long they'd had to wait at the restaurant, because the order was so big, and because of the lateness of the evening. i told the driver i wasn't going to tip anymore than i had and took my food. the dasher told me i should have just gone to get it myself instead of wasting their time. i know i didn't owe anyone an explanation but i explained to them that due to my rapidly degenerative vision i can't legally or safely drive at night and door dash is a safer option. it was like someone flipped a switch because my dasher started backtracking and apologizing. tried telling me they were just having a bad night and they were sorry. i really didn't know what to say so i shut the door. at the end of the order you have the option to rate the delivery and order. the food was fine so i gave them a good review but i gave my dasher the lowest rating i could and then reported them for their attitude. my husband told me i should have just given her the bad review and let it go. told me i was overreacting and if that interaction was so bad that i felt the need to report the driver then he hoped i never deal with the people he sees on a daily basis. now i feel like a dick. did i do the right thing?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i can't legally drive at night due to night blindness so i decided to doordash some food for myself and my husband. it was a large order but i was hungry and my husband had just gotten off work from a sixteen hour shift and was starving. after tax and fees the order was $20.00. i tipped $8.00, figuring a little more than the standard amount would be appropriate given the late hour (9:45pm) and the size of the order. i picked the option "leave at door". when my dasher got to my house they rang the bell. i figured there was a problem so i answered the door. the dasher told me that i should give them a larger tip because of how long they'd had to wait at the restaurant, because the order was so big, and because of the lateness of the evening. i told the driver i wasn't going to tip anymore than i had and took my food. the dasher told me i should have just gone to get it myself instead of wasting their time. i know i didn't owe anyone an explanation but i explained to them that due to my rapidly degenerative vision i can't legally or safely drive at night and door dash is a safer option. it was like someone flipped a switch because my dasher started backtracking and apologizing. tried telling me they were just having a bad night and they were sorry. i really didn't know what to say so i shut the door. at the end of the order you have the option to rate the delivery and order. the food was fine so i gave them a good review but i gave my dasher the lowest rating i could and then reported them for their attitude. my husband told me i should have just given her the bad review and let it go. told me i was overreacting and if that interaction was so bad that i felt the need to report the driver then he hoped i never deal with the people he sees on a daily basis. now i feel like a dick. did i do the right thing? [/INST] nta - $8 tip on a $20 order is a 40% tip. that’s double the standard 20%. there was no good reason to confront you like that. </s>
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AITA for refusing to let my sister use my PC for school work after she wet herself in my room?
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my sister (12f) is doing school online and my computer is the only machine in the house capable of doing this (we have a laptop but it's no more use than a paperweight). i agreed with her and my parents that she can do her work on my pc and use it for connect to her classes. i also let her use it so she can play some games on my pc after she has done her work, stuff like minecraft and fortnite.
today after she had done her work she was playing a game on the pc and when i walked in my room it was obvious she really needed to use the toilet. i told her to go to the bathroom but she said she couldn't until she had finished the game she was playing (it was something online that lasted ike 20 more minutes).
by the time she had finished the game someone else in the house had decided to go have a shower so she was waiting in my room. when i went to tell her the bathroom was free i found she was wetting herself all over my computer seat and the floor.
i've never been more furious and told her she was banned from using my computer again. my parents, although also angry at her, are now annoyed at me because she has no way of doing her work without them spending money they don't really have on a laptop for her. this has led to a debate tonight where they were accusing me of being unreasonable.
they said i should just ban her from playing games on the pc not school work but my argument was that she's 12 years old, not 6, and its unacceptable she should get to a state where she's pissing herself in my room so she can't be in here anymore.
| 7,421 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lx1lai/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_sister_use_my_pc_for/
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2021-03-03 19:02:31
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nta.
yeah, no excuse for a 12 year old to piss themselves because they didn't wanna go to the bathroom. it's her fault, and she gets punished for it. it's not your problem anymore.
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nta. 12 is far old enough to know to stop a video game to go to the bathroom instead of peeing at your sisters computer
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nta, the fact she cared more about playing than peeing means she isn't actually mature enough to be trusted with your things. and even when the game ended, she didn't leave your room (she had every opportunity to leave and pee literally anywhere else, she's 12 not 2.)
it's absolutely not unreasonable to expect her to be more respectful and responsible at 12. (seriously, even quitting an online game to use the toilet is a totally normal and adult decision to make, and i say this as someone with ibs - i've had to randomly leave games in the past, even if i didn't need to go when i started. she would have had significantly more warning, unless she has bladder issues.)
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nta
she pissed on your stuff because she couldn't just go to the bathroom.
now, you have the pissy seat and paranoia about her doing it again.
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nta. your sister's school very likely has devices available to loan out and she should be getting one of those.
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nta but i am dying of secondhand embarrassment here because this same exact thing happened to me at 12 - in front of my crush - while playing mario kart. if it's any consolation, she definitely won't make that mistake again. and she will probably still wake up at night cringing in 24 or so years.
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honestly nta
she peed in your room (and i assume you were the one who can to clean it) ofc you don’t want her there. i’m sorry but 12 years old is too old to be peeing yourself (unless you have an underlying medical issue but she clearly doesn’t).
i also read in another comment that the pc was bought and paid for by op and not their parents. i was going to say yta if the computer was payed for and own by their parents, but that’s not the case. it’s op’s property. op can do whatever they want with it.
if you really have to let her use your pc, then ban her from gaming. but when you leave for uni, your parents really have to figure something out for her.
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cant they get a laptop from her school?
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nta. your parents just not providing a way to do school shouldn't have been the decision in the first place. is the school not providing technology?
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nta
she is 12. not 2. it was not important for her to finish that game. it is her mistake and you are right to not let her use your computer. your parents need to ask the school for a laptop provided by them or they need to purchase one.
for a 12 year-old girl to be so irresponsible to do this is simply out of order. you now how to sanitize the seat and the floor where this occurred. she could have gone to another room instead of waiting and doing this in your room once the bathroom was occupied. your parents are wrong and she should know better.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister (12f) is doing school online and my computer is the only machine in the house capable of doing this (we have a laptop but it's no more use than a paperweight). i agreed with her and my parents that she can do her work on my pc and use it for connect to her classes. i also let her use it so she can play some games on my pc after she has done her work, stuff like minecraft and fortnite. today after she had done her work she was playing a game on the pc and when i walked in my room it was obvious she really needed to use the toilet. i told her to go to the bathroom but she said she couldn't until she had finished the game she was playing (it was something online that lasted ike 20 more minutes). by the time she had finished the game someone else in the house had decided to go have a shower so she was waiting in my room. when i went to tell her the bathroom was free i found she was wetting herself all over my computer seat and the floor. i've never been more furious and told her she was banned from using my computer again. my parents, although also angry at her, are now annoyed at me because she has no way of doing her work without them spending money they don't really have on a laptop for her. this has led to a debate tonight where they were accusing me of being unreasonable. they said i should just ban her from playing games on the pc not school work but my argument was that she's 12 years old, not 6, and its unacceptable she should get to a state where she's pissing herself in my room so she can't be in here anymore.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister (12f) is doing school online and my computer is the only machine in the house capable of doing this (we have a laptop but it's no more use than a paperweight). i agreed with her and my parents that she can do her work on my pc and use it for connect to her classes. i also let her use it so she can play some games on my pc after she has done her work, stuff like minecraft and fortnite. today after she had done her work she was playing a game on the pc and when i walked in my room it was obvious she really needed to use the toilet. i told her to go to the bathroom but she said she couldn't until she had finished the game she was playing (it was something online that lasted ike 20 more minutes). by the time she had finished the game someone else in the house had decided to go have a shower so she was waiting in my room. when i went to tell her the bathroom was free i found she was wetting herself all over my computer seat and the floor. i've never been more furious and told her she was banned from using my computer again. my parents, although also angry at her, are now annoyed at me because she has no way of doing her work without them spending money they don't really have on a laptop for her. this has led to a debate tonight where they were accusing me of being unreasonable. they said i should just ban her from playing games on the pc not school work but my argument was that she's 12 years old, not 6, and its unacceptable she should get to a state where she's pissing herself in my room so she can't be in here anymore. [/INST] nta. yeah, no excuse for a 12 year old to piss themselves because they didn't wanna go to the bathroom. it's her fault, and she gets punished for it. it's not your problem anymore. </s>
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AITA for asking my roommate (also friend) to move out because she adopted a dog?
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i (22f) am in my last year of college and i had the privilege of getting an apartment from my grandparents/parents for having attended a prestigious college (advantages of being the only granddaughter/daughter of the family).
my ap has 3bd/2ba, a suite, 2 normal bedrooms and a guest bathroom. i use one of the regular rooms as a study/work area and the bedroom suite, so i had a spare room.
a friend of mine, i'll call it lena (21f), was desperately trying to find somewhere to live, preferably close to the university (same as mine), but wasn't finding it because it was absurdly expensive and most republics were full (at that time of the year), the owner of her former republic did not want to renew the lease and gave the girls 30 days to move out.
i can cover my personal expenses with my work (freelance) and my parents help with some things.
i offered her the spare room and i just asked her to help pay for internet/water (giving a much lower price than other places). she accepted.
she's been living with me for 6 months and we've never had a serious disagreement, so it was pretty easy to have her as a roommate.
until two weeks ago.
lena knows i have a dog allergy (mild allergy).
i came back from my class and found a 6/7 month old puppy walking around the house and lena was all happy, saying she wanted to surprise me and it was bruno.
i wasn't extremely happy, she noticed and i explained that i had an allergy, but she managed to convince me that it was a mild allergy and it wouldn't be a problem, so i gave in.
well.. these days were horrible. bruno looks like he's fallen in love with me and cries all night to sleep with me (which i don't leave) and there's flue all over the house (lena cleans it, but still has it), so i'm having to take medication every day to keep from sneezing and stuffy nose.
i had my limit when my allergy got really bad in one day and i couldn't sleep.
i sat down to talk to lena and asked if she would give bruno to someone she knew or relatives so she wouldn't stay here, because i couldn't take it. she said no, so i kindly told her to move, as i didn't want a dog.
she was extremely angry, saying that she also has a voice in the house, because it helps and that it doesn't hurt to take medicine if my allergy is mild. i reiterated telling her to move and said that even though she helps, the house is still mine and i don't want to.
she's in the process of moving out, but she's telling friends that i kicked her out because of a dog.
aita?
| 321 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uo98u4/aita_for_asking_my_roommate_also_friend_to_move/
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2022-05-12 19:40:42
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nta
*you didn't kick her out because of a dog, she moved out to find a place that allowed dogs.*
when friends bring it up, just say that sentence, rinse and repeat.
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you did kick her out because of the dog. the dog she adopted without consulting you, the home owner. the dog she knew you would have an allergic reaction to. but you are nta. she is. you offered a friend a really great deal and she screwed that up.
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nta - it’s your house and you were nice and actually tried it out. that’s more than i would’ve done had i been you. i love my pups, but if i didn’t like dogs/was allergic, i would’ve told her no immediately. what she says is what she says. she’s acting like a child. oh well, move on.
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nta.
she should have checked with you first and no one with an allergy should be forced to live with that animal.
well you have kicked her out because she got the dog - and when she phrases it that way she looks like the victim.
if anyone comments about it just tell them the truth - you are allergic to dogs and she got the animal without any discussion or thought about you. if they want to take her side then let them - maybe they will be willing to deal with her and her dog.
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nta and she is right. you are kicking her out because of a dog. because your allergic to them and it has been causing you health issues. also, you are right, it is your place, not hers. she should have asked before adopting a puppy. i would like to pretend that i would kick her out the moment she pulled that maneuver on me, but i am too nice like you and hate conflict.
my roommates also like to think they can dictate things to me in my house that i own. they only live with me because they can't afford to live on their own. one even brought home a girl from the tavern during covid, after i explained to them that only they are allowed in my house unless they get prior consent from me (before they moved in). long term gfs are fine to come over if me and husband meet them first and feel we can accept them into our home for occasional nights. but tbh, we want our own house, we do them at least the favor of staying with us when they have nowhere else to go. they do like to push boundaries from time to time and we have to shut them down. if they want their own house rules to dictate, they can go get their own place.
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nta. she 1000% should have spoken to you before adopting the dog. you did her a huge solid offering to allow her to stay with you for only helping with water and internet (am i reading that right? no rent?? can i move in with you???) and your kindness came back to bite you unfortunately.
people should understand by now how relationships suffer when you don’t talk about bruno…
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nta - in the end it's your house, not hers and she should've discussed getting a dog beforehand.
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nta. your house your rules. you have an allergy that is more than mild if it’s keeping you up and she is disrespecting your health and home. she pushed her luck too far. enjoy having a 3rd bedroom back!
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>saying that she also has a voice in the house
no, it's your house and you have a medical condition. nta.
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nope! nta, she's living at a reduced rate in your apartment because you were being nice. bringing home an unwanted pet, allergy or not, when you are a guest is not acceptable. i know she's contributing, however it is still not her apartment. as for the others, if they ask give them an honest answer.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (22f) am in my last year of college and i had the privilege of getting an apartment from my grandparents/parents for having attended a prestigious college (advantages of being the only granddaughter/daughter of the family). my ap has 3bd/2ba, a suite, 2 normal bedrooms and a guest bathroom. i use one of the regular rooms as a study/work area and the bedroom suite, so i had a spare room. a friend of mine, i'll call it lena (21f), was desperately trying to find somewhere to live, preferably close to the university (same as mine), but wasn't finding it because it was absurdly expensive and most republics were full (at that time of the year), the owner of her former republic did not want to renew the lease and gave the girls 30 days to move out. i can cover my personal expenses with my work (freelance) and my parents help with some things. i offered her the spare room and i just asked her to help pay for internet/water (giving a much lower price than other places). she accepted. she's been living with me for 6 months and we've never had a serious disagreement, so it was pretty easy to have her as a roommate. until two weeks ago. lena knows i have a dog allergy (mild allergy). i came back from my class and found a 6/7 month old puppy walking around the house and lena was all happy, saying she wanted to surprise me and it was bruno. i wasn't extremely happy, she noticed and i explained that i had an allergy, but she managed to convince me that it was a mild allergy and it wouldn't be a problem, so i gave in. well.. these days were horrible. bruno looks like he's fallen in love with me and cries all night to sleep with me (which i don't leave) and there's flue all over the house (lena cleans it, but still has it), so i'm having to take medication every day to keep from sneezing and stuffy nose. i had my limit when my allergy got really bad in one day and i couldn't sleep. i sat down to talk to lena and asked if she would give bruno to someone she knew or relatives so she wouldn't stay here, because i couldn't take it. she said no, so i kindly told her to move, as i didn't want a dog. she was extremely angry, saying that she also has a voice in the house, because it helps and that it doesn't hurt to take medicine if my allergy is mild. i reiterated telling her to move and said that even though she helps, the house is still mine and i don't want to. she's in the process of moving out, but she's telling friends that i kicked her out because of a dog. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (22f) am in my last year of college and i had the privilege of getting an apartment from my grandparents/parents for having attended a prestigious college (advantages of being the only granddaughter/daughter of the family). my ap has 3bd/2ba, a suite, 2 normal bedrooms and a guest bathroom. i use one of the regular rooms as a study/work area and the bedroom suite, so i had a spare room. a friend of mine, i'll call it lena (21f), was desperately trying to find somewhere to live, preferably close to the university (same as mine), but wasn't finding it because it was absurdly expensive and most republics were full (at that time of the year), the owner of her former republic did not want to renew the lease and gave the girls 30 days to move out. i can cover my personal expenses with my work (freelance) and my parents help with some things. i offered her the spare room and i just asked her to help pay for internet/water (giving a much lower price than other places). she accepted. she's been living with me for 6 months and we've never had a serious disagreement, so it was pretty easy to have her as a roommate. until two weeks ago. lena knows i have a dog allergy (mild allergy). i came back from my class and found a 6/7 month old puppy walking around the house and lena was all happy, saying she wanted to surprise me and it was bruno. i wasn't extremely happy, she noticed and i explained that i had an allergy, but she managed to convince me that it was a mild allergy and it wouldn't be a problem, so i gave in. well.. these days were horrible. bruno looks like he's fallen in love with me and cries all night to sleep with me (which i don't leave) and there's flue all over the house (lena cleans it, but still has it), so i'm having to take medication every day to keep from sneezing and stuffy nose. i had my limit when my allergy got really bad in one day and i couldn't sleep. i sat down to talk to lena and asked if she would give bruno to someone she knew or relatives so she wouldn't stay here, because i couldn't take it. she said no, so i kindly told her to move, as i didn't want a dog. she was extremely angry, saying that she also has a voice in the house, because it helps and that it doesn't hurt to take medicine if my allergy is mild. i reiterated telling her to move and said that even though she helps, the house is still mine and i don't want to. she's in the process of moving out, but she's telling friends that i kicked her out because of a dog. aita? [/INST] nta *you didn't kick her out because of a dog, she moved out to find a place that allowed dogs.* when friends bring it up, just say that sentence, rinse and repeat. </s>
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AITA for demanding my money back and calling the police?
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two days ago there was an art festival that i attended with my girlfriend and two of her friends. artists had their different creations for display and some were for sale. i'm all for supporting local artistry so i bought two coasters from an artist. the coasters were four inch by four inch ceramic pieces with neat little drawings. each one was fifteen bucks, which is a little steep, but whatever.
&#x200b;
i'm a little bummed i lost out on thirty bucks but the rest of the festival was pretty fun. we walked around for an hour or so checking everything out. we stopped by a counter real quick to grab drinks and i placed the coasters down on the counter. i bought my drink and between putting my wallet back into my pocket, i knocked over the coasters and those piece of shits shattered into a million pieces. thirty freaking bucks and these things can't take the simplest fall, how would they even hold up for regular use??? i got angry and told my girlfriend i'd meet back with her in a moment as i was going to go and return the salvageable coaster pieces and get my money back. she asks me not to and tells me she'll just give me thirty bucks to cover it but no thanks. it's bot just about the money it's about the principal these things wouldn't have held up at all at home. she pleads with me and i tell her to just relax but she follows me anyways. i try to warn her to back off and she wont and we're beginning to cause a seen because she wont leave me alone.
&#x200b;
we finally get to the artist and i demand my money back and give him the pieces i could recover. he fucking chuckles at me and says no and basically tells me to fuck off. i throw one of the pieces at his foot so he can see his shanty coasters are crap. he tells me to leave, but not without my thirty. i end up calling the police because it's basically fraud. he knowingly sold me something defective. the cops asked if he could just give me my money and be done with it - which he did, because he knows he was in the wrong. my girlfriend has barely texted me these last couple days and i suspect it's because of this but i genuinely can't understand how i'm in the wrong here. aita?
| 701 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cdo5il/aita_for_demanding_my_money_back_and_calling_the/
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2019-07-15 22:01:14
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yta. they’re *ceramic*, of course they’re breakable! have you never heard ceramics before? your carelessness isn’t the artist’s problem, it’s yours. you sound like a karen.
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yta
do you also go to restaurants, order expensive bison steak and then refuse to pay the bill after you eat it because there wasn't enough of it and you think it was false advertising? because if there are *two* of you guys running around out there, i'm concerned.
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yta
this is a craft festival. these items are not guaranteed. the cost is based on labor, not quality.
and take better care of your stuff.
your gf was willing to pay you the money. there was no reason to make it into a scene.
i'd reconsider dating you.
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nta.
you did a good thing by showing your girlfriend your ugly side so she can get out now.
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yta — you bought it. you broke it. the artist isn’t gonna foot the expense for a mistake you made.
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holy crap yta.
no one forced you to buy the coasters. $15 a piece for someone’s handmade art is not expensive.
you broke one because you dropped something that is made out of fragile material and you demanded your money back?
i’m not surprised your girlfriend isn’t texting you.
ps how old are you? it seems like an adult would not react like this but maybe i’m wrong.
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can you link the artists page? i want to donate $60 to pay them their coasters and $30 for dealing with you.
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yta - it was your fault and you over reacted big time. not only that but you wasted the police's time.
fraud? get a grip. it wasn't defective. it would've taken the weight of a glass with liquid inside it. i have some really nice slate ones at home too. i know that if i drop them they'll probably break....so i don't fucking drop them.
i suggest you see someone about your anger issues, and your clumsy clumsy hands you silly billy.
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lol let me get this straight. you paid $30 for two ceramic coasters you didn’t have to buy but did. then broke them getting a drink. you made a scene with your girlfriend over this then harassed a small business, called the police, and demanded they give you your money back?
those coasters weren’t defective! they were perfectly curated working coasters that you broke by being careless.
i would be pissed if i was your girlfriend too you completely humiliated her with your tirade and i’m sure this wasn’t the first time. sounds like she knew the exact reaction that artist was about to see and she wanted to spare him. get a grip and just stay home next time.
edit to add - yta 100% hundo-p ain’t no doubt in my mind.
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sorry to break it to you but yta. anything ceramic will break if dropped. you were careless and broke them you should have eaten the loss. if i bought those in a shop and broke them 2 paces from the exit i would still not be entitled to a refund and much less involved the police. you also commited what could be termed as assault by throwing them at the vendor.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: two days ago there was an art festival that i attended with my girlfriend and two of her friends. artists had their different creations for display and some were for sale. i'm all for supporting local artistry so i bought two coasters from an artist. the coasters were four inch by four inch ceramic pieces with neat little drawings. each one was fifteen bucks, which is a little steep, but whatever. &#x200b; i'm a little bummed i lost out on thirty bucks but the rest of the festival was pretty fun. we walked around for an hour or so checking everything out. we stopped by a counter real quick to grab drinks and i placed the coasters down on the counter. i bought my drink and between putting my wallet back into my pocket, i knocked over the coasters and those piece of shits shattered into a million pieces. thirty freaking bucks and these things can't take the simplest fall, how would they even hold up for regular use??? i got angry and told my girlfriend i'd meet back with her in a moment as i was going to go and return the salvageable coaster pieces and get my money back. she asks me not to and tells me she'll just give me thirty bucks to cover it but no thanks. it's bot just about the money it's about the principal these things wouldn't have held up at all at home. she pleads with me and i tell her to just relax but she follows me anyways. i try to warn her to back off and she wont and we're beginning to cause a seen because she wont leave me alone. &#x200b; we finally get to the artist and i demand my money back and give him the pieces i could recover. he fucking chuckles at me and says no and basically tells me to fuck off. i throw one of the pieces at his foot so he can see his shanty coasters are crap. he tells me to leave, but not without my thirty. i end up calling the police because it's basically fraud. he knowingly sold me something defective. the cops asked if he could just give me my money and be done with it - which he did, because he knows he was in the wrong. my girlfriend has barely texted me these last couple days and i suspect it's because of this but i genuinely can't understand how i'm in the wrong here. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
two days ago there was an art festival that i attended with my girlfriend and two of her friends. artists had their different creations for display and some were for sale. i'm all for supporting local artistry so i bought two coasters from an artist. the coasters were four inch by four inch ceramic pieces with neat little drawings. each one was fifteen bucks, which is a little steep, but whatever. &#x200b; i'm a little bummed i lost out on thirty bucks but the rest of the festival was pretty fun. we walked around for an hour or so checking everything out. we stopped by a counter real quick to grab drinks and i placed the coasters down on the counter. i bought my drink and between putting my wallet back into my pocket, i knocked over the coasters and those piece of shits shattered into a million pieces. thirty freaking bucks and these things can't take the simplest fall, how would they even hold up for regular use??? i got angry and told my girlfriend i'd meet back with her in a moment as i was going to go and return the salvageable coaster pieces and get my money back. she asks me not to and tells me she'll just give me thirty bucks to cover it but no thanks. it's bot just about the money it's about the principal these things wouldn't have held up at all at home. she pleads with me and i tell her to just relax but she follows me anyways. i try to warn her to back off and she wont and we're beginning to cause a seen because she wont leave me alone. &#x200b; we finally get to the artist and i demand my money back and give him the pieces i could recover. he fucking chuckles at me and says no and basically tells me to fuck off. i throw one of the pieces at his foot so he can see his shanty coasters are crap. he tells me to leave, but not without my thirty. i end up calling the police because it's basically fraud. he knowingly sold me something defective. the cops asked if he could just give me my money and be done with it - which he did, because he knows he was in the wrong. my girlfriend has barely texted me these last couple days and i suspect it's because of this but i genuinely can't understand how i'm in the wrong here. aita? [/INST] yta. they’re *ceramic*, of course they’re breakable! have you never heard ceramics before? your carelessness isn’t the artist’s problem, it’s yours. you sound like a karen. </s>
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AITA for following European tipping traditions despite living in America?
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i'm a european so i'm used to paying for my food and tipping based on service. the issue is that i now live in the us, and have to follow all these "optional but not really optional" tipping rules. i know that a lot of these employees have lower wages and depend on tips, but i believe it's not my problem the entire system is broken. because of this, i tip based on service, often leaving a very small tip if i feel the service wasn't very good. aita?
| 370 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f7tsl3/aita_for_following_european_tipping_traditions/
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2020-02-22 15:16:07
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yta. the correct move is to follow the local custom, which is to tip.
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yes, yta, when in rome....
you're paying less for your food because the proprietor doesn't have to pay the wait staff a luving wage, therefore you are required to tip unless there are exceptional circumstances. have some sympathy ffs. do you really think these people should work for nothing just because you don't like the accepted system?
would you work for nothing?
fwiw, i think it's a shit system too but i wouldn't punish the poor workers just because i disapprove.
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yes, yta especially if you are in one of the many states where tips make the bulk of a wait staff income.
you may not like the concept—a lot of us americans don’t like it either—but until the law is changed (which we are working on), stay home if you’re not going to tip.
we talk about “stupid obnoxious americans” not even trying to observe cultural norms when vacationing abroad. you’re being an obnoxious european.
i don’t go to the grocery in denmark or holland expecting them to provide me a bag for my goods just because it’s common in the us. i take my own bags. that’s how it’s done.
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yta; being cheap as protest and claiming it's your "tradition" is still being cheap. if you are that upset about tipping culture and want to protest, then don't go to restaurants at all.
(considering your attitude toward tipping and the fact you posted this here, i'm presuming your "very small" tip is not something most people would consider "low, but reasonable" and is in fact *very* small. if you tip what is customary but *increase* in instances of good service, then you wouldn't be an asshole.)
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yta. i'm also a european who's lived in the us. you know what i did when i went out to eat the? i tipped! because that's what you do there, servers basically don't get paid. follow the customs of the country you're in, not the customs of the country you're from.
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yta. you should follow the customs wherever you live. i understand your grievance. i'm american and think it's an unfair system. but by doing what you're doing, the only pepple you're sticking it to are the waitstaff who make $2 or $3 an hour before tips.
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ah, yes, another asshole who doesn’t tip individual servers because “the entire system is broken, mannnn”
yta. you know that.
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yta because even though it's not your fault that their tipping system is like that, by not tipping you are essentially punishing the server.
servers tip out others on most places, so by not tipping, you're making the server pay others (ie kitchen, bussers etc) out of their own pocket.
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yta. i know i’m going to sound like one of those anti immigrant people that tell immigrants to “act american” but when it comes to tipping, you aren’t in europe so not adhering to the us culture is shitty.
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yta. people shouldn't have to get screwed over just because you can't be assed to follow a custom. don't wanna give a proper tip? simple. don't fucking go to places you have to tip.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm a european so i'm used to paying for my food and tipping based on service. the issue is that i now live in the us, and have to follow all these "optional but not really optional" tipping rules. i know that a lot of these employees have lower wages and depend on tips, but i believe it's not my problem the entire system is broken. because of this, i tip based on service, often leaving a very small tip if i feel the service wasn't very good. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm a european so i'm used to paying for my food and tipping based on service. the issue is that i now live in the us, and have to follow all these "optional but not really optional" tipping rules. i know that a lot of these employees have lower wages and depend on tips, but i believe it's not my problem the entire system is broken. because of this, i tip based on service, often leaving a very small tip if i feel the service wasn't very good. aita? [/INST] yta. the correct move is to follow the local custom, which is to tip. </s>
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AITA for being upset with my husband for getting his car cleaned by pubescent girls?
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yesterday there was a car wash drive in our city to fund for a family who lost their home in a gas explosion. my husband went to it. my issue is it was organized by a family friend of the affected family and i guess they had their three teenage daughters washing cars in bikinis and what-not. i don't know their ages but i know it's a set of twins and a third, maybe 15-17 years old each. am i the asshole for being royally upset with my husband for going?
he's said in the past he hates washing his car and full service car washes aren't so common. he works offroad a lot and his truck is always filthy. he says the automatic washes seldom work. that's fine, i get it, but why get teenage girls in bikinis to wash your car? i don't get the appeal whatsoever, it's downright disturbing/disgusting to me.
fwiw my husband and i are both mid-30s. we have a 4 year old daughter.
| 521 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bkpncw/aita_for_being_upset_with_my_husband_for_getting/
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2019-05-04 20:49:37
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yta. he wasn't going for the girls, he was going for the car wash. it wasn't as if he said "no no, i want the girls to wash the car." if the carwash was advertised as a "bikini carwash" then i would understand being like "wtf parents." but there isn't anything inherently sexual about swimwear unless you make it sexual. and, even if *you* make it sexual, that's not your husband's fault.
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yta. it was a car wash to raise money for a family in need, and your husband was trying to help. unless you have some reason to think he's into kids, or otherwise don't trust him, i don't get the hostility. and if the girls and their parents were ok with them washing cars in their bathing suits, it's not your problem. not everything is about sex.
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yta
he’s literally doing something to benefit a family in need. and you’re mad because the girls washing his car were in bathing suits? you’re mad at him for being around teenagers in bathing suits in public... at a charity event? you need to calm down and get over it.
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yta
have you ever been to the beach or a pool? teenage girls in bikinis are there. curse them for not wanting to get soaked and have to stand outside in wet clothes all day
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yta
i think you're focusing a bit too much on it being that there were teenage girls in bikinis rather than maybe he was trying to help a family who just lost everything to a gas explosion.
what reason do you have for not wanting him to go to this event, other than the teenage girls?
have there been other car wash events in the area that would have made it seem as though he was picking and choosing? even though he doesn't like washing his vehicle because he works off road, he at least saw where he could help out in a time of need.
you're focusing a bit too much on a small detail over the big picture.
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yta. you immediately went to the worst place for your husbands intentions.
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yta- why are you so caught up on the teenage girls? do you not trust your husband? why is it so horrible that he had his car washed and helped a family just because there were girls in swimming suits? if you went swimming at a lake or beach, would you be upset that there are girls in bikinis there and demonize him for it? if there were teenage boys wearing only speedos washing cars would you be upset as well? better yet, did your husband sexualize these girls or are you the one sexualizing them and then getting upset for it?
i feel like you may need to take a good long look into the mirror and have a talk with yourself about why you are so creeped out by this. why your mind is painting this car wash into a bad light and then getting upset at your husband for it. as far as i can tell from your post, he has done nothing wrong.
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yta. the family needed money. and what do you expect people to wear when they hose down a car?
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yta. you're sexualizing those girls and you weren't even there. they were raising money for a good cause, if you don't think that's appropriate for teen girls, go talk to their parents.
if you think your husband is a pig and wanted to ogle underage girls, than the issue is much bigger than just a carwash and you have to address it as such.
if you think your husband enabled an inappropriate objectification of those girls' bodies, tell him to send a check next time and skip the carwash, but being jealous because he saw some underage girls in a bikini means that you're implying some sexual undertones in those girls behavior and that's disgusting on your side.
if a female friend of yours went to have her lawn mowed by a shirtless teenage boy for a good cause, would you think about it in the same way and call her out?
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info
was it advertised as a bikini carwash? did your husband know it was that, before going over there?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: yesterday there was a car wash drive in our city to fund for a family who lost their home in a gas explosion. my husband went to it. my issue is it was organized by a family friend of the affected family and i guess they had their three teenage daughters washing cars in bikinis and what-not. i don't know their ages but i know it's a set of twins and a third, maybe 15-17 years old each. am i the asshole for being royally upset with my husband for going? he's said in the past he hates washing his car and full service car washes aren't so common. he works offroad a lot and his truck is always filthy. he says the automatic washes seldom work. that's fine, i get it, but why get teenage girls in bikinis to wash your car? i don't get the appeal whatsoever, it's downright disturbing/disgusting to me. fwiw my husband and i are both mid-30s. we have a 4 year old daughter.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
yesterday there was a car wash drive in our city to fund for a family who lost their home in a gas explosion. my husband went to it. my issue is it was organized by a family friend of the affected family and i guess they had their three teenage daughters washing cars in bikinis and what-not. i don't know their ages but i know it's a set of twins and a third, maybe 15-17 years old each. am i the asshole for being royally upset with my husband for going? he's said in the past he hates washing his car and full service car washes aren't so common. he works offroad a lot and his truck is always filthy. he says the automatic washes seldom work. that's fine, i get it, but why get teenage girls in bikinis to wash your car? i don't get the appeal whatsoever, it's downright disturbing/disgusting to me. fwiw my husband and i are both mid-30s. we have a 4 year old daughter. [/INST] yta. he wasn't going for the girls, he was going for the car wash. it wasn't as if he said "no no, i want the girls to wash the car." if the carwash was advertised as a "bikini carwash" then i would understand being like "wtf parents." but there isn't anything inherently sexual about swimwear unless you make it sexual. and, even if *you* make it sexual, that's not your husband's fault. </s>
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AITA for walking out of my job when things went south ?
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so a bit of context. i work as a dishwasher at a restaurant. i usually work 5 to 6 hour shifts, get paid minimum wage and it's a pretty good workplace. the people are nice, i got great co-workers. so i was starting my shift and maybe an hour in the dishwasher stopped working. there was no water coming out of it. i asked my manager for assistance and he couldn't figure out anything too. he then proceeded to tell me, "you gotta wash all those dishes and utensils by hand, you got no other choice".
this totally got me off guard. i did not expect him to say that. so we had a little back and forth, i was saying it is not possible to keep up with all the dishes even if i do it by hand. so i told him i could do it but i wanted an increase in pay just for that day because it was a lot of stuff to clean. not to mention the closing. he told me he can't increase my pay and said if i can't do it, he would find someone who will. so i clocked out and left the restaurant.
for some random reason i felt like i abandoned my co-workers. so am i the asshole ?
| 826 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tgc3b9/aita_for_walking_out_of_my_job_when_things_went/
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2022-03-17 14:56:49
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nta. he told you that he would find someone that can, you just took him up on his word.
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nta - i’ve been there and what was asked was literally impossible of you, if the restaurant was busy. the amount of dishes that fly at you from both the front and the back and the condition they come on is not something that can be kept up with by yourself by hand. there’s a reason they have those washing machines.
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nta but the restaurant needs to close if there isn’t a properly functioning sanitizer. by food service code, the dishwasher *person* washes the dishes with soap and water to clear the dishes and utensils of any food or other particles prior to loading the dishes into the dishwasher *machine* that *sanitizes*. without the dishwasher machine it’s not up to code and that’s unacceptable
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the issue isn't clean dishes, it's *sanitized* and clean dishes. i was a dishwasher like 35 years ago and it heats those dishes hot enough to kill anything (and burn you if you don't let them cool a bit). there's no way i could do that by hand and ensure no cross contamination.
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nta enjoy the liberty of freedom to choose your work place
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i work in a restaurant too, and if our dishwasher stopped working i guarantee our whole dishpit crew would walk. the manager's priority should have been getting someone in to fix the machine immediately. nta
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nta i had a similar issue wasnt same role but i quit due to my managers/boss wanted me to care more about their business then themselves and refused to increase my pay. and tbh best decision of my life i found another job a week later and my pay is basically triple what i used to make plus less labor. its capitalism if that business cant pay what u think ur worth find another one, know ur worth but dont be greedy
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nta! not even one bit! you're practicing capitalism, they just don't like when you turn it on them. put in as little effort as possible to get the most reward and if it ain't worth it, bail. your manager can step up and do the dishes. that's a managers job.
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nta, and honestly some of these comments are fucking sad. people have been whipped into such obedient doormats for their bosses that they truly thing you should do much more work for zero compensation. to the y t a commenters, have some self respect.
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nta. there's no way you could do all those dishes without help or a machine. your boss was foolish to give you an ultimatum. he should have given you combat pay. it's the hardest job in a restaurant.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so a bit of context. i work as a dishwasher at a restaurant. i usually work 5 to 6 hour shifts, get paid minimum wage and it's a pretty good workplace. the people are nice, i got great co-workers. so i was starting my shift and maybe an hour in the dishwasher stopped working. there was no water coming out of it. i asked my manager for assistance and he couldn't figure out anything too. he then proceeded to tell me, "you gotta wash all those dishes and utensils by hand, you got no other choice". this totally got me off guard. i did not expect him to say that. so we had a little back and forth, i was saying it is not possible to keep up with all the dishes even if i do it by hand. so i told him i could do it but i wanted an increase in pay just for that day because it was a lot of stuff to clean. not to mention the closing. he told me he can't increase my pay and said if i can't do it, he would find someone who will. so i clocked out and left the restaurant. for some random reason i felt like i abandoned my co-workers. so am i the asshole ?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so a bit of context. i work as a dishwasher at a restaurant. i usually work 5 to 6 hour shifts, get paid minimum wage and it's a pretty good workplace. the people are nice, i got great co-workers. so i was starting my shift and maybe an hour in the dishwasher stopped working. there was no water coming out of it. i asked my manager for assistance and he couldn't figure out anything too. he then proceeded to tell me, "you gotta wash all those dishes and utensils by hand, you got no other choice". this totally got me off guard. i did not expect him to say that. so we had a little back and forth, i was saying it is not possible to keep up with all the dishes even if i do it by hand. so i told him i could do it but i wanted an increase in pay just for that day because it was a lot of stuff to clean. not to mention the closing. he told me he can't increase my pay and said if i can't do it, he would find someone who will. so i clocked out and left the restaurant. for some random reason i felt like i abandoned my co-workers. so am i the asshole ? [/INST] nta. he told you that he would find someone that can, you just took him up on his word. </s>
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AITA for cutting off the utilities on my ex roommates when I moved out?
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i regret doing this to the roommates who got caught in the crossfire. i apologized to them afterwards. this happened a few months ago.
i’m (21f) in college, studying engineering and graduating early at the end of next semester. at the time, i worked 35 hours a week at an engineering firm, and had recently gotten with my now fiancé. those three things take up nearly all my time, and i like to prioritize them that way. 2 of my old roommates, who were my friends, were just starting their early education majors, have no jobs, and like to spend their time sitting around watching netflix and stuff.
our personal lives were once compatible long ago, but now they’re not. it seems like my roommates took it personally that i’ve moved on to a different stage in life. i didn’t prioritize spending time with them anymore. they spread rumors about me to our mutual friends, getting mad at me for leaving a couple plates in the sink over night (it was finals week), being upset that i’m wouldn’t join their last minute plans, etc. petty stuff.
i’d been through thick and thin for those roommates. held them when they cried over boys and gave reasonable advice on how to deal with them, advice that these roommates had come and asked for. i single-handedly dealt with our terrible landlady who totally screwed us over on a number of occasions. i’d cooked many meals for these girls, never asked for gas money when i drove them around on errands and i was the one who found our apartment for us. i never once got a thank you. i stuck my neck out for them and got nothing in return other than one time they bought me some chocolate.
the real thing that bothered me was a few days before i moved out. they sat on the opposite end of the couch from me so the 2 of them discuss a farewell party they were throwing for our other roommate, who we’d only known a couples months, scheduled for the night before i was leaving to move across the country for an internship. it wasn’t conversation that included me.
the apartment gas and electrical bills were in my name. it was a monthly battle of trying to get them to help pay the bill. i was fed up when i moved out, so, feeling totally used and mistreated, i texted the groupchat to say i wouldn’t keep handling utilities. the old plan was for me to keep the utilities and have them pay each month w/ venmo, but no one responded for 8 hours so i had them turned off the next morning. they woke up with no power. one of them finally texted me to ask how to sign up for the utilities, but i was asleep so i didn’t respond. 30 minutes later i woke up to a voicemail from her mom calling me tacky, saying she couldn’t believe i would dare make her daughter get up and get dressed to deal with such immature behavior.
needless to say, i haven’t talked to them since. after the voicemail from my roommates mom i feel like it was an asshole thing for me to do. aita?
tl;dr felt like my ex roommates stabbed me in the back, so i turned off the utilities when i moved out.
| 666 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x7iir6/aita_for_cutting_off_the_utilities_on_my_ex/
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2022-09-06 18:52:46
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nta - 1. no one responded when you told them you were going to change the utilities out of your name. i am sure if one of them responded and took responsibility you would not have done that 2. if you have kept it in your name you wpuld have been the legal party to pay their bills.
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nta.
>she couldn’t believe i would dare make her daughter get up and get dressed
quelle horreur.
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nta you were a good friend to people too selfish and immature to reciprocate. just the fact that one of your roommates--who no doubt considers herself to be an adult-+had her mommy call and criticize you for making her daughter deal with an adult situation of her own making proves this point.
unfortunately, this can happen when we remain friends out of habit rather than common values. if you weren't still roommates, you could have drifted off to the next stage in your life without any drama. under the circumstances, i don't see how else you could have handled it. if they were dragging their feet on paying utilities when you were living in the apartment, it's unlikely that they would have given paying you a second thought once you were on the other side of the country. even if you'd given them a month's notice, they still wouldn't have done anything about switching over the utilities until after they were cut off.
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nta
&#x200b;
" i texted the groupchat to say i wouldn’t keep handling utilities" ... but less than 24 hours info makes you slightly the ah. but thn again, they knew you wer moving out, what did they expect?
&#x200b;
and: next time one of their moms calls you to berate you, just voice a friendly "f\* off" and end the call.
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nta. when you lived there you had to chase them for money, that's a red flag that they wouldn't pay at all once you're gone. generally a 24-48 hour notice is normal, but they had plenty of time to at least reply and maybe ask for more time if they were too busy.
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nta
you don't live there anymore. simple enough.
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nta sometimes situation like this needs a petty moves like this. they were excluding and trashing you behind your back. they wouldnt even throw you a farewell party. instead of thanking you for everything you did for them this is how they repay you and after everything they still expect you to help them? i would do same as you and wouldnt even fell guilty.
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nta -- they or their mom could call up local providor
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nta. you told them. it's not your fault they didn't listen.
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kinda. they should’ve been given more than an 8hr notice, but i don’t blame you for not keeping the bills in your name.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i regret doing this to the roommates who got caught in the crossfire. i apologized to them afterwards. this happened a few months ago. i’m (21f) in college, studying engineering and graduating early at the end of next semester. at the time, i worked 35 hours a week at an engineering firm, and had recently gotten with my now fiancé. those three things take up nearly all my time, and i like to prioritize them that way. 2 of my old roommates, who were my friends, were just starting their early education majors, have no jobs, and like to spend their time sitting around watching netflix and stuff. our personal lives were once compatible long ago, but now they’re not. it seems like my roommates took it personally that i’ve moved on to a different stage in life. i didn’t prioritize spending time with them anymore. they spread rumors about me to our mutual friends, getting mad at me for leaving a couple plates in the sink over night (it was finals week), being upset that i’m wouldn’t join their last minute plans, etc. petty stuff. i’d been through thick and thin for those roommates. held them when they cried over boys and gave reasonable advice on how to deal with them, advice that these roommates had come and asked for. i single-handedly dealt with our terrible landlady who totally screwed us over on a number of occasions. i’d cooked many meals for these girls, never asked for gas money when i drove them around on errands and i was the one who found our apartment for us. i never once got a thank you. i stuck my neck out for them and got nothing in return other than one time they bought me some chocolate. the real thing that bothered me was a few days before i moved out. they sat on the opposite end of the couch from me so the 2 of them discuss a farewell party they were throwing for our other roommate, who we’d only known a couples months, scheduled for the night before i was leaving to move across the country for an internship. it wasn’t conversation that included me. the apartment gas and electrical bills were in my name. it was a monthly battle of trying to get them to help pay the bill. i was fed up when i moved out, so, feeling totally used and mistreated, i texted the groupchat to say i wouldn’t keep handling utilities. the old plan was for me to keep the utilities and have them pay each month w/ venmo, but no one responded for 8 hours so i had them turned off the next morning. they woke up with no power. one of them finally texted me to ask how to sign up for the utilities, but i was asleep so i didn’t respond. 30 minutes later i woke up to a voicemail from her mom calling me tacky, saying she couldn’t believe i would dare make her daughter get up and get dressed to deal with such immature behavior. needless to say, i haven’t talked to them since. after the voicemail from my roommates mom i feel like it was an asshole thing for me to do. aita? tl;dr felt like my ex roommates stabbed me in the back, so i turned off the utilities when i moved out.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i regret doing this to the roommates who got caught in the crossfire. i apologized to them afterwards. this happened a few months ago. i’m (21f) in college, studying engineering and graduating early at the end of next semester. at the time, i worked 35 hours a week at an engineering firm, and had recently gotten with my now fiancé. those three things take up nearly all my time, and i like to prioritize them that way. 2 of my old roommates, who were my friends, were just starting their early education majors, have no jobs, and like to spend their time sitting around watching netflix and stuff. our personal lives were once compatible long ago, but now they’re not. it seems like my roommates took it personally that i’ve moved on to a different stage in life. i didn’t prioritize spending time with them anymore. they spread rumors about me to our mutual friends, getting mad at me for leaving a couple plates in the sink over night (it was finals week), being upset that i’m wouldn’t join their last minute plans, etc. petty stuff. i’d been through thick and thin for those roommates. held them when they cried over boys and gave reasonable advice on how to deal with them, advice that these roommates had come and asked for. i single-handedly dealt with our terrible landlady who totally screwed us over on a number of occasions. i’d cooked many meals for these girls, never asked for gas money when i drove them around on errands and i was the one who found our apartment for us. i never once got a thank you. i stuck my neck out for them and got nothing in return other than one time they bought me some chocolate. the real thing that bothered me was a few days before i moved out. they sat on the opposite end of the couch from me so the 2 of them discuss a farewell party they were throwing for our other roommate, who we’d only known a couples months, scheduled for the night before i was leaving to move across the country for an internship. it wasn’t conversation that included me. the apartment gas and electrical bills were in my name. it was a monthly battle of trying to get them to help pay the bill. i was fed up when i moved out, so, feeling totally used and mistreated, i texted the groupchat to say i wouldn’t keep handling utilities. the old plan was for me to keep the utilities and have them pay each month w/ venmo, but no one responded for 8 hours so i had them turned off the next morning. they woke up with no power. one of them finally texted me to ask how to sign up for the utilities, but i was asleep so i didn’t respond. 30 minutes later i woke up to a voicemail from her mom calling me tacky, saying she couldn’t believe i would dare make her daughter get up and get dressed to deal with such immature behavior. needless to say, i haven’t talked to them since. after the voicemail from my roommates mom i feel like it was an asshole thing for me to do. aita? tl;dr felt like my ex roommates stabbed me in the back, so i turned off the utilities when i moved out. [/INST] nta - 1. no one responded when you told them you were going to change the utilities out of your name. i am sure if one of them responded and took responsibility you would not have done that 2. if you have kept it in your name you wpuld have been the legal party to pay their bills. </s>
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AITA for not letting smaller people in front of me at concerts?
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i’ve already tried to post this once and it was deleted before i actually managed to post it so this is gonna be straight to the point. i managed to get a great spot at a concert (centre stage and two people back) with my mum ( i’m 6’7 and she’s 5’11) and people who have arrived there later will ask us to let them go in front because “we’re tall” , we decline and apologise. other people will ask throughout the night and i see them giving us a death stare for declining.
| 188 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ao30q5/aita_for_not_letting_smaller_people_in_front_of/
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2019-02-07 11:59:56
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nta only because you were there first. i will say a but though. as a shorter girl, often i get a good spot, wait there a while up until the show starts, and at the last second a tall person squeezes in in front of me destroying my whole view. in my opinion, if you roll in right as the show starts it is on you to try to be considerate about it. but a short person has no right to walk up behind you and demand to be let in front. no harm in them asking, but the decline is allowed.
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nta. if they want better seats get their earlier. you shouldn’t be made to stand at the back because you’re tall.
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nta.
i'm 4'10.
i get to concerts hours early so that i can have the best chance at an accessible area for me. just like i cant control my height, neither can the 6'4 guy in front of me whose there for the same thing. why should he have to bend for me just because of biology?
when you're the short one, you figure out how to make it work. you dont expect others to do it for you.
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gonna go little against the other votes here and say nah
i'm just over 5' myself, and so i get where the others are coming from when they ask you to let them in front of you. asking to switch spots and being disappointed that you said no doesn't make them assholes, just like you declining doesn't make you an asshole. if they kept pestering you after you refused, they'd be assholes, but it doesn't sound like that's what happened.
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nta
you got there first, it’s your spot. if they don’t like it, they can go elsewhere.
you could simply reply, “well since you’re short and wouldn’t be able to see past taller people, you should get here earlier”.
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but, maybe.....have a heart?? imagine being 6'7 tall in the front row of a general standing concert? average height people to short people multiple "rows" behind you couldn't see. it's so shitty for so many people.
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yta. at every concert (metal) i go to people let others through. its just the right thing to do
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nta they can take two steps to the left or right if they’re having trouble seeing.
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nta.
you're never the asshole for utilizing the goods, services etc you paid for. you chose a specific airline seat then a family decided to book all around you? tough. you're tall and paid for front row concert tickets, not your problem. you got the last cab so the woman behind you has to wait in the rain, oh well.
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nta but that's because your mom is there with you. she's not tall enough to warrant shorter people telling in front of her. you, however, might be, in some select cases.
here's an example -- i'm 5'2" and got to a concert really early and stood in the front. but there was still a row of people in front of me, and a guy as tall as you with really broad shoulders directly in front of me. unfortunately i could not see anything at all. like, literally no part of the stage whatsoever. i'm a pretty small human, and this guy weighed 2x-3x as much as me. the show hadn't even started yet, and i offered to buy him a drink if he let me stand in front, but he said no and i should deal with it. it really sucked because it was my very favorite artist and i didn't get to see anything. if he had let me in front, we both would have been able to see. i really still see that guy as a huge asshole.
ever since that show, i now bring a collapsible stool that gives me a foot extra of height. it's a small stool with only enough room for my two feet. i can't move around or dance. if somebody knocks into me, i risk falling off. even on the stool there are still sometimes people who are taller than me. and yet, lots of people surrounding me get really mad at me for using this lifehack. i have definitely been called an asshole for using it. but i have been to hundreds of concerts where i couldn't see. it's just not fair.
so even though you're not really an asshole, i would really encourage you to let 1 or maybe 2 very short people in front of you each concert. i'm talking, so short that even on their top toes they can't even peek over your shoulder. you'll both be able to see and it will make their experience much, much better. you could even negotiate and say you'll let them come in front of you if they buy your drink. but don't let them stand in front of your mom.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| null |
YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.048498 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’ve already tried to post this once and it was deleted before i actually managed to post it so this is gonna be straight to the point. i managed to get a great spot at a concert (centre stage and two people back) with my mum ( i’m 6’7 and she’s 5’11) and people who have arrived there later will ask us to let them go in front because “we’re tall” , we decline and apologise. other people will ask throughout the night and i see them giving us a death stare for declining.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’ve already tried to post this once and it was deleted before i actually managed to post it so this is gonna be straight to the point. i managed to get a great spot at a concert (centre stage and two people back) with my mum ( i’m 6’7 and she’s 5’11) and people who have arrived there later will ask us to let them go in front because “we’re tall” , we decline and apologise. other people will ask throughout the night and i see them giving us a death stare for declining. [/INST] nta only because you were there first. i will say a but though. as a shorter girl, often i get a good spot, wait there a while up until the show starts, and at the last second a tall person squeezes in in front of me destroying my whole view. in my opinion, if you roll in right as the show starts it is on you to try to be considerate about it. but a short person has no right to walk up behind you and demand to be let in front. no harm in them asking, but the decline is allowed. </s>
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