submission_title
stringlengths 15
304
| submission_text
stringlengths 0
3.4k
| submission_score
int64 145
70.8k
| submission_url
stringlengths 70
106
| submission_date
stringdate 2019-01-01 03:28:42
2022-12-31 22:11:01
| top_comment_1
stringlengths 3
788
| top_comment_2
stringlengths 0
5.07k
⌀ | top_comment_3
stringlengths 0
7.01k
⌀ | top_comment_4
stringlengths 0
8.67k
⌀ | top_comment_5
stringlengths 0
6.19k
⌀ | top_comment_6
stringlengths 0
6.82k
⌀ | top_comment_7
stringlengths 0
4.75k
⌀ | top_comment_8
stringlengths 0
9.25k
⌀ | top_comment_9
stringlengths 0
9.74k
⌀ | top_comment_10
stringlengths 0
8.27k
⌀ | top_comment_1_classification
stringclasses 2
values | top_comment_2_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_3_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_4_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_5_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_6_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_7_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_8_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_9_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_10_classification
stringclasses 5
values | ambiguity_score
float64 0
1
| flanT5_instruction
stringlengths 242
3.63k
| llama2_instruction
stringlengths 284
4.1k
|
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
AITA For cutting my mother out of my life after she tried to have an intervention to "Save" my relationship?
|
i know this sounds really strange, but there is more to the story that leads me to doubt whether i made the correct decision.
now for a little backstory, it all started when i was 15, she was a class lower then i was, we hit it off and about a month later we started dating and have been inseparable since, as a result she met my family, they adore her, i met hers, they adore me, we have mutual friends etc. this all changed last month however when we had a huge fight when i caught her kissing a good friend of hers, this friend of hers is a lesbian where as my girlfriend is straight, but we were all aware this friend always had a thing for her, so when i caught them they were both tipsy and i think her friend was taking advantage of that in order to kiss her, well this was at a party in full sight of multiple people as they were making out, which is when i walked in. to make a long story short i felt humiliated and beyond angry, split them up, said some nasty shit to her friend and went home. shortly after my girlfriend arrived, to talk to me, it devolved in a huge fight where she could not see the big deal since she was tipsy and she was just kissing a girl so it doesn't count, where as i saw it as her cheating, well after 3 years and a few months i broke up with her there and then, she was stunned, said nothing else and i told her to get out before allowing her another word in.
well i ended up getting over a hundred messages from mutual friends, from her, from her family, from my family so i ended up having to block some friends, her family, told my family to mind their own business and of course i blocked my now ex-girlfriend, but my girlfriend would make new accounts, would stop by my house etc just to talk to me, to a level where it resembled stalking.
well it finally stopped until, i entered my mom's house and there she was, with her dad and one of my previous friends(one of the people i blocked former mutual friend) and the friend she was kissing, alongside my mom.
well this is where it took a turn to insane territory, my mom said my now ex girlfriend had been talking to her all this time and begging her to get me to talk to her and she said she agreed and we should make up, the friend she was kissing apologized etc and i was just stunned, i told her, this was beyond insane, to mind her own business and that i would no longer be speaking to her. well some crying and yelling later where my ex followed me around the house begging to talk to me, i grabbed the essentials from my room, put it in my car, called my dad to let him know i was staying with him and left. i have not spoken to my mom in over 3 weeks and i have been ignoring my friends who even bring my ex up, where as my ex still periodically tries to get in touch with me.
where i am doubting whether i am being too harsh is because it is obvious my ex roped my mom in to doing this, so aita?
​
| 4,662 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dwqrhk/aita_for_cutting_my_mother_out_of_my_life_after/
|
2019-11-15 13:27:03
|
nta cheating is cheating and even if it magically “didn’t count” you don’t need a reason to break up with someone and absolutely no one has the right to go sticking themselves into your relationships. stick to your guns.
|
nta your mom doesnt have an appropriate sense of boundaries and failed to prioritize or respect you. obviously you will want to talk to her calmly and hope she can see why you view her disregard for your agency over your own life as inappropriate. even if she can't, over time as this relationship fades into the past and your ex moves on you will be able to repair things with your family and never see hers again.
|
nta
and if the ex won't stop trying to contact you maybe you need a restraining order
|
nta, seems everyone is more concerned about her feelings than yours.
|
nta - your ex is not entitled to a relationship with you at all, for any reason, let alone in the face of cheating. and yes it still couns as cheating when it’s another girl and yes it still counts when she’s drunk.
the idea of your family staging an “intervention” to address this is ludicrous and offensive. you have done nothing wrong here. you can break up for your own reasons at any time. you have personal agency in this, and you have done nothing that requires redirecting. breaking up with an idiot who steps outside the relationship is normal and common.
your ex is apparently a skilled manipulator, to get so many people on her side.
|
nta - she cheated on you and you were smart enough to end the relationship. your mother should stay out of your business.
|
nta. your mom is enabling your ex to stalk you.
|
nta. she cheated and you ended it. why did they all feel the need to intervene?
|
nta, obviously.
anyone else getting a homophobia vibe, not from op, but from everyone else being all "it was another girl so it doesn't count" ?
turn the tables, op publically makes out with a dude. what's the result? i'm thinking either the same break up for cheating or that creepy fetishisation where his ex squees over how cute it is.
i mean wtf, are gay relationships just not as worthytm? op just treated it equally, good on you dude.
as for your mom... i'm guessing there's some "oh but i like this one, you're so good together, why spoil a good thing" going on there. or she's projecting her failed relationship with your dad on to you.
all around, eugh
|
esh - i know i'm going to get a ton of downvotes for this, but here's my perspective. as to whether a heterosexual girl making out with another girl (yes i know the other girl was a lesbian) is "cheating" i think that's a bit of a grey area. personally, i would not consider this to be cheating if my so did so (i have dated a few girls in the past that would get drunk and make out with other girls mostly for the fun of it, and i was never particularly bothered by it). your ex clearly did not think she was "cheating" on you and did not think you would consider it to be "cheating" either. if you want to break up with her, that's your choice, but straight up refusing to even talk to her about it and cutting off/blocking multiple friends and family because you refuse to even have a conversation about it strikes me as just being extremely immature/emotional. you don't state your age in your post (perhaps you have in your comments), but you strike me as someone that is very young (like a teenager). i don't think the world is quite as black and white as you seem to think it is, but i know younger people without much life/relationship experience tend to see it that way. the advice from this internet stranger is to break up if you feel you must, but at least talk to the girl and explain your position and stop going scorched earth on anyone that has the audacity to even mention your ex. it seems pretty clear that almost everyone in your life disagrees with your position on this, which should maybe tell you something about your reaction....
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
| 0.010125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i know this sounds really strange, but there is more to the story that leads me to doubt whether i made the correct decision. now for a little backstory, it all started when i was 15, she was a class lower then i was, we hit it off and about a month later we started dating and have been inseparable since, as a result she met my family, they adore her, i met hers, they adore me, we have mutual friends etc. this all changed last month however when we had a huge fight when i caught her kissing a good friend of hers, this friend of hers is a lesbian where as my girlfriend is straight, but we were all aware this friend always had a thing for her, so when i caught them they were both tipsy and i think her friend was taking advantage of that in order to kiss her, well this was at a party in full sight of multiple people as they were making out, which is when i walked in. to make a long story short i felt humiliated and beyond angry, split them up, said some nasty shit to her friend and went home. shortly after my girlfriend arrived, to talk to me, it devolved in a huge fight where she could not see the big deal since she was tipsy and she was just kissing a girl so it doesn't count, where as i saw it as her cheating, well after 3 years and a few months i broke up with her there and then, she was stunned, said nothing else and i told her to get out before allowing her another word in. well i ended up getting over a hundred messages from mutual friends, from her, from her family, from my family so i ended up having to block some friends, her family, told my family to mind their own business and of course i blocked my now ex-girlfriend, but my girlfriend would make new accounts, would stop by my house etc just to talk to me, to a level where it resembled stalking. well it finally stopped until, i entered my mom's house and there she was, with her dad and one of my previous friends(one of the people i blocked former mutual friend) and the friend she was kissing, alongside my mom. well this is where it took a turn to insane territory, my mom said my now ex girlfriend had been talking to her all this time and begging her to get me to talk to her and she said she agreed and we should make up, the friend she was kissing apologized etc and i was just stunned, i told her, this was beyond insane, to mind her own business and that i would no longer be speaking to her. well some crying and yelling later where my ex followed me around the house begging to talk to me, i grabbed the essentials from my room, put it in my car, called my dad to let him know i was staying with him and left. i have not spoken to my mom in over 3 weeks and i have been ignoring my friends who even bring my ex up, where as my ex still periodically tries to get in touch with me. where i am doubting whether i am being too harsh is because it is obvious my ex roped my mom in to doing this, so aita? ​
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i know this sounds really strange, but there is more to the story that leads me to doubt whether i made the correct decision. now for a little backstory, it all started when i was 15, she was a class lower then i was, we hit it off and about a month later we started dating and have been inseparable since, as a result she met my family, they adore her, i met hers, they adore me, we have mutual friends etc. this all changed last month however when we had a huge fight when i caught her kissing a good friend of hers, this friend of hers is a lesbian where as my girlfriend is straight, but we were all aware this friend always had a thing for her, so when i caught them they were both tipsy and i think her friend was taking advantage of that in order to kiss her, well this was at a party in full sight of multiple people as they were making out, which is when i walked in. to make a long story short i felt humiliated and beyond angry, split them up, said some nasty shit to her friend and went home. shortly after my girlfriend arrived, to talk to me, it devolved in a huge fight where she could not see the big deal since she was tipsy and she was just kissing a girl so it doesn't count, where as i saw it as her cheating, well after 3 years and a few months i broke up with her there and then, she was stunned, said nothing else and i told her to get out before allowing her another word in. well i ended up getting over a hundred messages from mutual friends, from her, from her family, from my family so i ended up having to block some friends, her family, told my family to mind their own business and of course i blocked my now ex-girlfriend, but my girlfriend would make new accounts, would stop by my house etc just to talk to me, to a level where it resembled stalking. well it finally stopped until, i entered my mom's house and there she was, with her dad and one of my previous friends(one of the people i blocked former mutual friend) and the friend she was kissing, alongside my mom. well this is where it took a turn to insane territory, my mom said my now ex girlfriend had been talking to her all this time and begging her to get me to talk to her and she said she agreed and we should make up, the friend she was kissing apologized etc and i was just stunned, i told her, this was beyond insane, to mind her own business and that i would no longer be speaking to her. well some crying and yelling later where my ex followed me around the house begging to talk to me, i grabbed the essentials from my room, put it in my car, called my dad to let him know i was staying with him and left. i have not spoken to my mom in over 3 weeks and i have been ignoring my friends who even bring my ex up, where as my ex still periodically tries to get in touch with me. where i am doubting whether i am being too harsh is because it is obvious my ex roped my mom in to doing this, so aita? &#x200b; [/INST] nta cheating is cheating and even if it magically “didn’t count” you don’t need a reason to break up with someone and absolutely no one has the right to go sticking themselves into your relationships. stick to your guns. </s>
|
AITA for not helping my wife after she didn't help me.
|
this is a throwaway account
so for clarification.
i (25f) had an unwanted pregnancy from my ex. when i found out it was too late to abort. so i kept the child.
when i met my wife (23f) she said she doesn't want kids.
she ended up loving me and accepting my kid.
so to the story.
my wife and i love gaming and a few days ago a new game got released. we always play together when my kid (5 year old) is already asleep.
last thursday she was playing and i needed to go to work. the daycare was closed because of one caretaker having corona so my child was supposed to stay home. i asked my wife if she can take care of him while i'm at work and she agreed.
while i was at work my mom called me that my dad got into an accident at work and he was getting admitted into a hospital 1 and a half hours from me. it wasn't anything serious but because of the specific injury he needed to go to that hospital. i told my boss and he said i should go. i called my wife and told her about it and said that i will drive there. i asked if she wanted to come see my dad too so we could go see my dad together.
she declined and said she would like to continue her game. i drove home to get my child so we could visit my dad together. but my kid didn't want to go. he doesn't like hospitals and i always him there isn't anything to be scared about. he still doesn't like going except if he really needed to or if all of us are going. so i asked my wife if she could continue to watch him while i visit my dad. she said no because i said she would just need to watch him while i was at work.
i got upset and begged her because i really wanted to see if my dad is okay. i feel like this is a good reason for wanting my wife to watch him. she still declined and told me to take him with me.
i just wanted to see my dad so my kid and i left. i called my friend and asked her. she understood and said he will watch him for a bit.
i drive him to my friend and she said she can watch him for the whole weekend if she needed to.
i went to my dad and then stayed the weekend at my parents house.
i called my friend over facetime every day at least 3 times to talk to my son and see his face.
on sunday my wife called me and asked when i will be coming back because she was stuck at a part of the game and needed my help.
i said i'm not coming home because i want to be with my dad.my kid wants to see my dad too so i picked him up today to see him.
then we went home. my wife tried to get me to play the game for her but i decline.
now she's mad at me for not helping her. i see it as if we're even now. she didn't help me when i needed her and now i didn't help her when she needed it.
we had similar fights before but i always just sucked it up and helped her. now i don't feel like doing that.
| 7,831 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tq6yjl/aita_for_not_helping_my_wife_after_she_didnt_help/
|
2022-03-28 11:16:32
|
nta but are you sure your wife is mature enough to be married?
|
hello everyone. i would like to thank you all. in this short amount of time a lot of people already commented. i have decided that when i get home from work with my child i will talk to my wife and show her the comments. and tell her if she values us both me and my kid we might be able to save this and go to family therapy. if not then she can move out and we will file for divorce. i'm not sure if i can update here because of the rules so i will post updates on my account until everything is resolved
|
there is no parity between a child (let alone a child in need who is part of your household) and a game. if your wife cannot tell the difference then she is remarkably immature. unless you get family or couples therapy soon this is not going to last. and no, nta.
|
nta for not helping her with a video game after she didn't help you during a semi-emergency.
kids deserve more than someone who doesn't want kids and only begrudgingly accepts them cause they wanna be with their parent, though. yta for picking someone like that. this kinda stuff is the fallout, and you should probably expect more of it, sadly.
|
yta for marrying someone who doesn’t want to be a parent. your poor kid.
|
jesus, your wife is unbelievably selfish not being able to put down the game to help you out here. absolutely nta, but your wife needs to get her priorities straight.
|
why are you married to a person who doesn't love your child the way they would their own child?
you're a single mom even though you're married. although he's only 5, your son will definitely feel the fallout from this.
|
you’re nta. i’m sorry to be harsh, but your wife didn’t really accept your child, either. she sounds incredibly selfish and immature. if someone pulled that crap with me, on top of being a “when i feel like it” step-parent, there wouldn’t be any coming back from it. a video game never takes precedence over real life emergencies and responsibilities.
|
nta - you don't have a partner, you have a gaming buddy. this was a family emergency and she left you and your family high and dry
|
nta and she is so wrong for that. is she always playing games? she's either addicted and/or an asshole for putting a video game above you and your son.
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.04134 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this is a throwaway account so for clarification. i (25f) had an unwanted pregnancy from my ex. when i found out it was too late to abort. so i kept the child. when i met my wife (23f) she said she doesn't want kids. she ended up loving me and accepting my kid. so to the story. my wife and i love gaming and a few days ago a new game got released. we always play together when my kid (5 year old) is already asleep. last thursday she was playing and i needed to go to work. the daycare was closed because of one caretaker having corona so my child was supposed to stay home. i asked my wife if she can take care of him while i'm at work and she agreed. while i was at work my mom called me that my dad got into an accident at work and he was getting admitted into a hospital 1 and a half hours from me. it wasn't anything serious but because of the specific injury he needed to go to that hospital. i told my boss and he said i should go. i called my wife and told her about it and said that i will drive there. i asked if she wanted to come see my dad too so we could go see my dad together. she declined and said she would like to continue her game. i drove home to get my child so we could visit my dad together. but my kid didn't want to go. he doesn't like hospitals and i always him there isn't anything to be scared about. he still doesn't like going except if he really needed to or if all of us are going. so i asked my wife if she could continue to watch him while i visit my dad. she said no because i said she would just need to watch him while i was at work. i got upset and begged her because i really wanted to see if my dad is okay. i feel like this is a good reason for wanting my wife to watch him. she still declined and told me to take him with me. i just wanted to see my dad so my kid and i left. i called my friend and asked her. she understood and said he will watch him for a bit. i drive him to my friend and she said she can watch him for the whole weekend if she needed to. i went to my dad and then stayed the weekend at my parents house. i called my friend over facetime every day at least 3 times to talk to my son and see his face. on sunday my wife called me and asked when i will be coming back because she was stuck at a part of the game and needed my help. i said i'm not coming home because i want to be with my dad.my kid wants to see my dad too so i picked him up today to see him. then we went home. my wife tried to get me to play the game for her but i decline. now she's mad at me for not helping her. i see it as if we're even now. she didn't help me when i needed her and now i didn't help her when she needed it. we had similar fights before but i always just sucked it up and helped her. now i don't feel like doing that.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this is a throwaway account so for clarification. i (25f) had an unwanted pregnancy from my ex. when i found out it was too late to abort. so i kept the child. when i met my wife (23f) she said she doesn't want kids. she ended up loving me and accepting my kid. so to the story. my wife and i love gaming and a few days ago a new game got released. we always play together when my kid (5 year old) is already asleep. last thursday she was playing and i needed to go to work. the daycare was closed because of one caretaker having corona so my child was supposed to stay home. i asked my wife if she can take care of him while i'm at work and she agreed. while i was at work my mom called me that my dad got into an accident at work and he was getting admitted into a hospital 1 and a half hours from me. it wasn't anything serious but because of the specific injury he needed to go to that hospital. i told my boss and he said i should go. i called my wife and told her about it and said that i will drive there. i asked if she wanted to come see my dad too so we could go see my dad together. she declined and said she would like to continue her game. i drove home to get my child so we could visit my dad together. but my kid didn't want to go. he doesn't like hospitals and i always him there isn't anything to be scared about. he still doesn't like going except if he really needed to or if all of us are going. so i asked my wife if she could continue to watch him while i visit my dad. she said no because i said she would just need to watch him while i was at work. i got upset and begged her because i really wanted to see if my dad is okay. i feel like this is a good reason for wanting my wife to watch him. she still declined and told me to take him with me. i just wanted to see my dad so my kid and i left. i called my friend and asked her. she understood and said he will watch him for a bit. i drive him to my friend and she said she can watch him for the whole weekend if she needed to. i went to my dad and then stayed the weekend at my parents house. i called my friend over facetime every day at least 3 times to talk to my son and see his face. on sunday my wife called me and asked when i will be coming back because she was stuck at a part of the game and needed my help. i said i'm not coming home because i want to be with my dad.my kid wants to see my dad too so i picked him up today to see him. then we went home. my wife tried to get me to play the game for her but i decline. now she's mad at me for not helping her. i see it as if we're even now. she didn't help me when i needed her and now i didn't help her when she needed it. we had similar fights before but i always just sucked it up and helped her. now i don't feel like doing that. [/INST] nta but are you sure your wife is mature enough to be married? </s>
|
AITA for not letting my brother and friends use my pickup truck?
|
i(24m) work for a roadside assistance / towing company and have a special license that permits me to drive emergency vehicles ranging from ambulances and firetrucks to tow trucks and escort vehicles. with the summer months here more and more people have been taking to the road and business is booming for us. while working i usually alternate between the company’s flatbed truck and my pickup. i use my pickup for simple roadside calls like running out of gas or cyclist assistance as my company offers assistance/relocation services. as part of my deal with the company they pay my maintenance fees and gas however, i must have company window vinyls and an amber light bar. on the legal side of things, i did have to re-register my vehicle as it went from a standard automobile to an emergency/ service vehicle due to the light bar.
&#x200b;
my problems started four days ago when i along with my brother and two friends were invited up to another friend's cottage for the weekend. due to exhaustion from work, i decided to not make the trip as it was a 2 hr drive and we usually go up several times a year. this led to my brother asking if he could take my truck as our two other friends don’t own a car and my brother’s one does not have enough space. due to my truck's configuration, i said no because they did not have the licenses needed and they can be immature at times. the last thing i wanted was for them to start messing around with the lights as they come with special road rights/privileges and are a crime to use frivolously.
after realizing that they would not be able to use my truck they canned the weekend trip and since then have been calling me an elitist asshole for not driving them or letting them borrow it.
am i the asshole here?
| 699 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v4w790/aita_for_not_letting_my_brother_and_friends_use/
|
2022-06-04 19:29:16
|
nta at all.
there were *legal* reasons you said no. you were protecting not just your vehicle and reputation, but also your brother and friends from potentially getting in trouble.
|
nta, your vehicle is not his vehicle and you had genuine reasons for saying no. not that you need a reason for saying no anyway.
|
nta, there are actual legal reasons you said no. they don't need to jump for joy over it, but the do need to accept it and stop being aholes about it. you could've gotten in trouble—it's a big part of your job to have this truck in good working condition.
not to mention that even without the legalities, you have every right to say no to such a request. it's your car, not theirs. they're not entitled to your property.
|
really? an elitist asshole for owning a car that they cant borrow? my lord. nta. you might have understated the degree of their immaturity.
|
nta. draw healthy boundaries; this means separating work from friends. truck = work, not play.
|
nta but they are ta for reacting this way! this is a work vehicle and not a rental car! their transport is not your responsibility and they shouldn’t be trying to shame you about it.
|
absolutely nta. if they don't understand the legal side of this, they're too stupid to be on the road, anyway.
you might, actually should, come right out and say you know you can't trust them. make sure your keys are always hidden, locked up or on your person. if they take the truck, immediately report it stolen. there's nothing as dangerous as a bunch of good ole' boys.
|
definitely nta.
thank you for being so considerate and taking care of yourself.
you have been very clear and reasonable. your friends should understand this.
expressing their hurt is understandable, but don't let that make yourself feel uncomfortable.
|
nta. it would be illegal for them to drive it, so it's a no. their reaction just tells you how right you were to refuse.
|
nta, trucks are expensive. also if anything happened to it it would affect your work.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(24m) work for a roadside assistance / towing company and have a special license that permits me to drive emergency vehicles ranging from ambulances and firetrucks to tow trucks and escort vehicles. with the summer months here more and more people have been taking to the road and business is booming for us. while working i usually alternate between the company’s flatbed truck and my pickup. i use my pickup for simple roadside calls like running out of gas or cyclist assistance as my company offers assistance/relocation services. as part of my deal with the company they pay my maintenance fees and gas however, i must have company window vinyls and an amber light bar. on the legal side of things, i did have to re-register my vehicle as it went from a standard automobile to an emergency/ service vehicle due to the light bar. &#x200b; my problems started four days ago when i along with my brother and two friends were invited up to another friend's cottage for the weekend. due to exhaustion from work, i decided to not make the trip as it was a 2 hr drive and we usually go up several times a year. this led to my brother asking if he could take my truck as our two other friends don’t own a car and my brother’s one does not have enough space. due to my truck's configuration, i said no because they did not have the licenses needed and they can be immature at times. the last thing i wanted was for them to start messing around with the lights as they come with special road rights/privileges and are a crime to use frivolously. after realizing that they would not be able to use my truck they canned the weekend trip and since then have been calling me an elitist asshole for not driving them or letting them borrow it. am i the asshole here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i(24m) work for a roadside assistance / towing company and have a special license that permits me to drive emergency vehicles ranging from ambulances and firetrucks to tow trucks and escort vehicles. with the summer months here more and more people have been taking to the road and business is booming for us. while working i usually alternate between the company’s flatbed truck and my pickup. i use my pickup for simple roadside calls like running out of gas or cyclist assistance as my company offers assistance/relocation services. as part of my deal with the company they pay my maintenance fees and gas however, i must have company window vinyls and an amber light bar. on the legal side of things, i did have to re-register my vehicle as it went from a standard automobile to an emergency/ service vehicle due to the light bar. &#x200b; my problems started four days ago when i along with my brother and two friends were invited up to another friend's cottage for the weekend. due to exhaustion from work, i decided to not make the trip as it was a 2 hr drive and we usually go up several times a year. this led to my brother asking if he could take my truck as our two other friends don’t own a car and my brother’s one does not have enough space. due to my truck's configuration, i said no because they did not have the licenses needed and they can be immature at times. the last thing i wanted was for them to start messing around with the lights as they come with special road rights/privileges and are a crime to use frivolously. after realizing that they would not be able to use my truck they canned the weekend trip and since then have been calling me an elitist asshole for not driving them or letting them borrow it. am i the asshole here? [/INST] nta at all. there were *legal* reasons you said no. you were protecting not just your vehicle and reputation, but also your brother and friends from potentially getting in trouble. </s>
|
AITA for firing someone who is the breadwinner in their family with a 3 year old?
|
throwaway for obvious reasons.
i(35f) opened a restaurant in my small town a few years ago. basically one of two in town and so it gets a decent amount of business.
i have several employees that work for me long term, and then in the summer there's usually high schoolers looking for a summer job.
around christmas i was needing another worker and i hired jess. jess has a child that is 3 that she is raising with her husband.
for the first few months she was great. no problems at all.
a couple months ago we started having problems. she was working in the morning, when i was making breakfast food and getting the restaurant ready.
she would constantly not show up until about 10/15 minutes before we were supposed to open(at least half an hour late).
after a week and a half i had a talk with her and she said morning didn't work, so i found someone else to cover and she got a different shift.
she starts coming in half an hour late, so i either had to be short staffed or hope one of the other waitresses could take her spot and stay for a couple minutes.
it's gotten bad so i told her a week ago that i was firing her because it wasn't the right fit.
she got really upset and has been texting me, saying that she needs the money, that she has a three year old needing to be raised, and that she was the only one working.
i understand if it was once in a while but she was consistently late.
one of her friends that works for me is saying jess needs the job and that she can't find a new job that will pay as much as i was for her experience.
i basically said jess was fired because of her work, and if she wants a well paying job she needs to be on time.
they're both making me think twice about my decision, aita?
| 824 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pnpn89/aita_for_firing_someone_who_is_the_breadwinner_in/
|
2021-09-13 22:10:23
|
nta. you run a business not a charity. jess has no one but herself to blame.
|
nta if she can not show up to work on time, even after you switch her to the second shift. if neither shift works then it probably won’t improve over more time
|
nta jess should have taken the job seriously 😐
|
nta
you gave jess multiple opportunities to fix the circumstance as well as tried to accommodate her needs with the shift change.
her family circumstance is her own. empathy gives her extra opportunities doesn't negate not doing her job.
make sure you talk with her friend so that her friend understands this, or expect to turn over her friend as well.
|
nta, but why tell her it’s because of “fit” instead of just saying it’s about performance/tardiness?
additionally, id recommend against discussing your hiring/firing decisions too in-depth with other employees
|
nta
if the job was as important as she claims, she would not be taking advantage of your kindness.
if there were real reasons for her tardiness, she could have perhaps worked out some kind of deal where she stays a little later, or does some extra grunt work.
whatever the case may be...she was on thin ice and did nothing to help her situation, and in fact, got worse at being on time.
jobs are not charities. you have to do what you say you are going to do or they stop paying you
|
nta its not your responsibility as an employer to give someone a job because they "need it" regardless of their story.
|
nta. if an employee is late on a morning shift and tells you mornings are hard, fine, change their shift. if you do, and they're still late, then it's not the time of day that's the issue - it's their worth ethic, or lack thereof.
|
nta it's ridiculous you even have to ask. if her kid is so important the least she can do is be on time to work.
|
nta. at my workplace we’re desperate for people - but only the ones who show up on time.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway for obvious reasons. i(35f) opened a restaurant in my small town a few years ago. basically one of two in town and so it gets a decent amount of business. i have several employees that work for me long term, and then in the summer there's usually high schoolers looking for a summer job. around christmas i was needing another worker and i hired jess. jess has a child that is 3 that she is raising with her husband. for the first few months she was great. no problems at all. a couple months ago we started having problems. she was working in the morning, when i was making breakfast food and getting the restaurant ready. she would constantly not show up until about 10/15 minutes before we were supposed to open(at least half an hour late). after a week and a half i had a talk with her and she said morning didn't work, so i found someone else to cover and she got a different shift. she starts coming in half an hour late, so i either had to be short staffed or hope one of the other waitresses could take her spot and stay for a couple minutes. it's gotten bad so i told her a week ago that i was firing her because it wasn't the right fit. she got really upset and has been texting me, saying that she needs the money, that she has a three year old needing to be raised, and that she was the only one working. i understand if it was once in a while but she was consistently late. one of her friends that works for me is saying jess needs the job and that she can't find a new job that will pay as much as i was for her experience. i basically said jess was fired because of her work, and if she wants a well paying job she needs to be on time. they're both making me think twice about my decision, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway for obvious reasons. i(35f) opened a restaurant in my small town a few years ago. basically one of two in town and so it gets a decent amount of business. i have several employees that work for me long term, and then in the summer there's usually high schoolers looking for a summer job. around christmas i was needing another worker and i hired jess. jess has a child that is 3 that she is raising with her husband. for the first few months she was great. no problems at all. a couple months ago we started having problems. she was working in the morning, when i was making breakfast food and getting the restaurant ready. she would constantly not show up until about 10/15 minutes before we were supposed to open(at least half an hour late). after a week and a half i had a talk with her and she said morning didn't work, so i found someone else to cover and she got a different shift. she starts coming in half an hour late, so i either had to be short staffed or hope one of the other waitresses could take her spot and stay for a couple minutes. it's gotten bad so i told her a week ago that i was firing her because it wasn't the right fit. she got really upset and has been texting me, saying that she needs the money, that she has a three year old needing to be raised, and that she was the only one working. i understand if it was once in a while but she was consistently late. one of her friends that works for me is saying jess needs the job and that she can't find a new job that will pay as much as i was for her experience. i basically said jess was fired because of her work, and if she wants a well paying job she needs to be on time. they're both making me think twice about my decision, aita? [/INST] nta. you run a business not a charity. jess has no one but herself to blame. </s>
|
AITA cause I won’t let my daughter visit my mom without my son.
|
so i (26f) have two kids l (2m) and a (4f). from the start my mom has always favored a more than l. well i’m moving back home in a month after 8 years in the marines so lots of plans are being put in place. my mother straight said that she only wanted my daughter to come visit (for about a week or 2) but not my son. she said that my son is “a lot of work” (well yeah he is 2) but she took my daughter all the time at that age and younger for much longer stretches of time than she proposed for this visit. i told her that if she wasn’t going to treat the kids fairly and spend time with them both then my daughter wouldn’t be going to visit. now she is saying i’m ta cause i won’t let my daughter spend time with her.
editing to add: my kids have different dads and her excuse was that she was “leaving” my son to spend time with his dads family, but i’m still with my sons dad and his family treats my daughter the exact same as my son.
| 1,608 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gbhc4r/aita_cause_i_wont_let_my_daughter_visit_my_mom/
|
2020-05-01 12:38:35
|
nta
demanding equal treatment of your children is the right thing to do.
"mom, you can take [daughter] for x amount of time, but then you have to do the same for son. no favoritism."
|
nta. playing favorites is something my grandmother has always done (to a lesser extent than you are describing) and i always wish my mom had stood up for her children in the way you are. she cannot expect to choose convenience over having a relationship with both her grandchildren.
|
nta, she needs to treat them fairly. i get that children of different ages have different needs but she can’t just ignore him.
one way to compromise- can she spend time with both separately? a few days with your son and then a few days with your daughter? i’d also make sure she starts with your son, so she doesn’t back out on seeing him if she sees your daughter first. even if she spends a little less time with your son (because he is, after all, younger and more needy) then i think that would be a good way to ensure both kids get some special time with her.
|
nah, but i've been in this exact situation with nieces - the younger one is a handful, and the older has always been much easier. they just have very different temperaments.
i think your mom is just being honest about what she can handle. instead of sticking to your guns, you both need to compromise here.
|
slight yta depending on if your mum is older. my mil struggles to keep up with a boisterous 2 year old but is fine with the 5 year old because she is easier to handle and reason with. she's scared she won't be able to catch him if 2yo makes a break for it etc. she isn't getting any younger so handling both isn't possible. so she sees both when we're all together and the older one on her own so they can keep their special bond. we know she loves them all the same but she is being practical
|
info: is your mom old enough or struggling with anything medically that might mean that she sort of has a point about only taking your daughter that this stage? accounting for personalities, there can be a big energy difference between a two year old boy and a four year old girl, i'm wondering if that's maybe part of the issue for her?
when she's with the children, does she treat them differently? could she be trying to give the oldest a bit of a break from the youngest in a clumsy way, or is it definitely pure favouritism?
if it's pure favouritism, you're definitely n-ta, but otherwise i think maybe you should let it slide for now.
|
nta- your mom will cause some issues with your son by doing this.
|
nta. that’s an incredibly messed up request!
|
do not do separate, but equal visits. they don't work. that was only tried once in our family. mil took son for the night, bowling, dinner out, and bookstore with 4 hardbacks purchased. daughter got cold chicken nuggets at home, tv and told she couldn't have her books because she would outgrow them. here you can have these $1.99 books. excuse was she was tired after doing all that with son. never again. btw, husband said she could do what she wanted with her money. husband is the gc. i put my foot down.
|
nta - he's probably too young to remember now if he went to his mum or not, but if this continues when he's older, he'll definitely feel left out and that will have an effect on him. of course going to his mum and then being completely left out of things or being made to feel less than his sister is just as damaging.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.099413 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i (26f) have two kids l (2m) and a (4f). from the start my mom has always favored a more than l. well i’m moving back home in a month after 8 years in the marines so lots of plans are being put in place. my mother straight said that she only wanted my daughter to come visit (for about a week or 2) but not my son. she said that my son is “a lot of work” (well yeah he is 2) but she took my daughter all the time at that age and younger for much longer stretches of time than she proposed for this visit. i told her that if she wasn’t going to treat the kids fairly and spend time with them both then my daughter wouldn’t be going to visit. now she is saying i’m ta cause i won’t let my daughter spend time with her. editing to add: my kids have different dads and her excuse was that she was “leaving” my son to spend time with his dads family, but i’m still with my sons dad and his family treats my daughter the exact same as my son.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i (26f) have two kids l (2m) and a (4f). from the start my mom has always favored a more than l. well i’m moving back home in a month after 8 years in the marines so lots of plans are being put in place. my mother straight said that she only wanted my daughter to come visit (for about a week or 2) but not my son. she said that my son is “a lot of work” (well yeah he is 2) but she took my daughter all the time at that age and younger for much longer stretches of time than she proposed for this visit. i told her that if she wasn’t going to treat the kids fairly and spend time with them both then my daughter wouldn’t be going to visit. now she is saying i’m ta cause i won’t let my daughter spend time with her. editing to add: my kids have different dads and her excuse was that she was “leaving” my son to spend time with his dads family, but i’m still with my sons dad and his family treats my daughter the exact same as my son. [/INST] nta demanding equal treatment of your children is the right thing to do. "mom, you can take [daughter] for x amount of time, but then you have to do the same for son. no favoritism." </s>
|
AITA for thinking my GF has a super weird relationship with her younger (adopted) brother
|
i’ve been dating this girl for 4 months. she’s pretty cool overall but i did notice early on that she was really close to her younger brother. he is 3 years younger than her and still in high school. weirds things they do:
1.she facetimes him nearly every day. like we could be hanging out or at a party and she’ll be like “oh i haven’t’ facetimed my brother yet”
2. on instagram nearly all her pictures are of the 2 of them (to be fair she only has maybe 20 pictures on instagram in all but still i would say she has maybe 3 or 4 pictures that he isn’t in). he's comments on all her insta pictures stuff like "love you"
she tried to explain it away by saying her brother was autistic and they were just really close. that made it a bit less weird to me but i soon started to realized her brother is a very high functioning autistic person and probably just has asperger’s. talking to him you wouldn’t think he had autism.
it got even weirder recently. she’s doing summer classes at our university so this summer she isn’t going home. her brother apparently missed her and so she invited him to stay with in her dorm for a couple days. like in the same room. she claimed he was bored and had a small break before the summer activities he was doing started up and he wanted to check out the city and campus since he might come to the school next year and he had a friend in the area. she acted like it was completely normal.
my logic is if he wanted to check out the city, why didn’t her 16-year-old brother come with her parents and stay in a hotel or airbnb or whatever? staying in the same tiny room as your older sister is just weird to me. while he was here she and her brother made a plan to go to this popular local amusement. i wasn’t doing anything so i asked if i could come along. she seemed hesitant as if she didn’t want me to come but then agreed. the whole time were were there i honestly felt like a third wheel the whole time. she and her brother spent most of the time talking to each other. she occasionally would lean in to kiss me or hold my hand but she was focused on her brother most of the time. i have to admit the whole thing really annoyed me and after we got back i confronted her about it and said that he ignored me the whole time i was at the park and how weird the relationship between her and her brother is and it’s borderline incestuous (i was kinda kidding about the incestuous thing) but she got super offended and accused me of being a million things, creepy, , pervy, assholish, racist (her brother is biracial). i apologized many times for offending her but she stayed angry and a day later she broke up with me.
aita here? honestly despite apologizing i still feel the relationship she has with her brother is weird. i talked to some of my friends who agree with me but my sister thinks that i was being judgmental and people have different relationships.
| 295 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c9xm88/aita_for_thinking_my_gf_has_a_super_weird/
|
2019-07-06 19:33:17
|
yta. their relationship seems really positive and the only thing inappropriate in this whole story was you calling it incestuous.
|
yta. it isn’t unusual for a sibling to visit in a college dorm. the amusement park trip was about your gf spending time with her brother, not about you.
|
yta, nothing you’ve said screams weird to me, and if you’re telling her that she has a strange relationship with her brother and then ‘joking’ about it being incestuous, she’s not going to take it well
|
yta. you're super fucking weird for making her relationship with her brother out to be anything more than it is. she's close with her sibling and the first thing that your mind jumps to is incest? would you feel the same if this was her sister?
|
yta there is zero wrong with their relationship and it was fucked up to call it incest like. i was very close with my siblings at that age and we did very similar things. i don’t blame her for being mad and dumping you. honestly she wanted a day out with her brother who she hadn’t seen in a while you buggered in on it even though she didn’t want you to and then got mad she spent most her time with him? grow the fuck up.
|
yta. they have a closer relationship than most siblings, but it’s probably due to the adoption and autism. staying in her dorm room saves a lot of food and hotel expenses.
|
yta. they are close. there’s nothing weird or “incestuous” about it. you are even *more* ta for emphasizing that he’s adopted (as if that’s relevant) and being all dismissive about how he “probably just has” aspergers. btw - aspergers is autism and the high/low functioning labels aren’t helpful for exactly this reason.
|
yta. they’re really close, that’s all. nothing you’ve described is weird at all. she wanted a day with just her brother and you butted in on it, then got all salty that she didn’t pay enough attention to you on it, then basically accused her of incest. you’re lucky you still have a girlfriend to call you all those names.
|
yta yes her brother came from out of town so he is going to get priority over you. he’s autistic so of course he’s not going to socialize much with you. you somehow managed to blow up your relationship over your girlfriend being hospitable to her autistic brother and focusing on him. you’re just screaming insecurity and it’s not attractive. maybe you can smooth this over but i doubt it since you basically said you kinda think she wants to fuck her brother.
|
yta for accusing her “jokingly” of incest. sounds like, from the rest of your rant here, that you realized what an asshole move that was and tried to back down from it by claiming it was a joke, but you still mention the “love you” comment, feeling like a third wheel, them sleeping in the same room, etc. so you obviously still think that any level of affection between people *has* to be sexual but felt defensive when she got angry/ aka asshole squared. the asshole trifecta.
you gatekeeping how autistic this kid is in order to be jealous of your girlfriends **brother** is also really shitty.
dude, you’re a mess. you don’t need a relationship right now; you need to grow up.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’ve been dating this girl for 4 months. she’s pretty cool overall but i did notice early on that she was really close to her younger brother. he is 3 years younger than her and still in high school. weirds things they do: 1.she facetimes him nearly every day. like we could be hanging out or at a party and she’ll be like “oh i haven’t’ facetimed my brother yet” 2. on instagram nearly all her pictures are of the 2 of them (to be fair she only has maybe 20 pictures on instagram in all but still i would say she has maybe 3 or 4 pictures that he isn’t in). he's comments on all her insta pictures stuff like "love you" she tried to explain it away by saying her brother was autistic and they were just really close. that made it a bit less weird to me but i soon started to realized her brother is a very high functioning autistic person and probably just has asperger’s. talking to him you wouldn’t think he had autism. it got even weirder recently. she’s doing summer classes at our university so this summer she isn’t going home. her brother apparently missed her and so she invited him to stay with in her dorm for a couple days. like in the same room. she claimed he was bored and had a small break before the summer activities he was doing started up and he wanted to check out the city and campus since he might come to the school next year and he had a friend in the area. she acted like it was completely normal. my logic is if he wanted to check out the city, why didn’t her 16-year-old brother come with her parents and stay in a hotel or airbnb or whatever? staying in the same tiny room as your older sister is just weird to me. while he was here she and her brother made a plan to go to this popular local amusement. i wasn’t doing anything so i asked if i could come along. she seemed hesitant as if she didn’t want me to come but then agreed. the whole time were were there i honestly felt like a third wheel the whole time. she and her brother spent most of the time talking to each other. she occasionally would lean in to kiss me or hold my hand but she was focused on her brother most of the time. i have to admit the whole thing really annoyed me and after we got back i confronted her about it and said that he ignored me the whole time i was at the park and how weird the relationship between her and her brother is and it’s borderline incestuous (i was kinda kidding about the incestuous thing) but she got super offended and accused me of being a million things, creepy, , pervy, assholish, racist (her brother is biracial). i apologized many times for offending her but she stayed angry and a day later she broke up with me. aita here? honestly despite apologizing i still feel the relationship she has with her brother is weird. i talked to some of my friends who agree with me but my sister thinks that i was being judgmental and people have different relationships.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’ve been dating this girl for 4 months. she’s pretty cool overall but i did notice early on that she was really close to her younger brother. he is 3 years younger than her and still in high school. weirds things they do: 1.she facetimes him nearly every day. like we could be hanging out or at a party and she’ll be like “oh i haven’t’ facetimed my brother yet” 2. on instagram nearly all her pictures are of the 2 of them (to be fair she only has maybe 20 pictures on instagram in all but still i would say she has maybe 3 or 4 pictures that he isn’t in). he's comments on all her insta pictures stuff like "love you" she tried to explain it away by saying her brother was autistic and they were just really close. that made it a bit less weird to me but i soon started to realized her brother is a very high functioning autistic person and probably just has asperger’s. talking to him you wouldn’t think he had autism. it got even weirder recently. she’s doing summer classes at our university so this summer she isn’t going home. her brother apparently missed her and so she invited him to stay with in her dorm for a couple days. like in the same room. she claimed he was bored and had a small break before the summer activities he was doing started up and he wanted to check out the city and campus since he might come to the school next year and he had a friend in the area. she acted like it was completely normal. my logic is if he wanted to check out the city, why didn’t her 16-year-old brother come with her parents and stay in a hotel or airbnb or whatever? staying in the same tiny room as your older sister is just weird to me. while he was here she and her brother made a plan to go to this popular local amusement. i wasn’t doing anything so i asked if i could come along. she seemed hesitant as if she didn’t want me to come but then agreed. the whole time were were there i honestly felt like a third wheel the whole time. she and her brother spent most of the time talking to each other. she occasionally would lean in to kiss me or hold my hand but she was focused on her brother most of the time. i have to admit the whole thing really annoyed me and after we got back i confronted her about it and said that he ignored me the whole time i was at the park and how weird the relationship between her and her brother is and it’s borderline incestuous (i was kinda kidding about the incestuous thing) but she got super offended and accused me of being a million things, creepy, , pervy, assholish, racist (her brother is biracial). i apologized many times for offending her but she stayed angry and a day later she broke up with me. aita here? honestly despite apologizing i still feel the relationship she has with her brother is weird. i talked to some of my friends who agree with me but my sister thinks that i was being judgmental and people have different relationships. [/INST] yta. their relationship seems really positive and the only thing inappropriate in this whole story was you calling it incestuous. </s>
|
AITA for admitting I'm pissed at my husband for getting arrested?
|
last week my husband got arrested for endangering the welfare of a child. our child. our six month old son, little dude. ld doesn't sleep well and when does sleep we tend to stop living so he gets a good sleep. last monday i was at work and my husband was home with ld when he decided to run to the gas station for a snack. on the way ld fell asleep.
my husband waited for a minute at the gas station but ld didn't wake up so my husband left the car locked and running with ld inside. he ended up taking twenty minutes in the gas station due to many customers. when he came out the police were holding ld and our car window was broken. he was arrested for the aforementioned crime and child services took ld.
i was called at work and had to firstly go and collect ld and then go bail my husband out of jail. he wasn't even remotely sorry about anything. i told him what he had done was absolutely stupid. i did not call him stupid, i called his actions stupid. i asked him how he could have done this when it seems every month we hear about a baby dying in a hot car and parents getting arrested.
we're now being reviewed by cps until such time as they deem us fit parents. this being a small town the local news called us. i answered them honestly, "im glad my son and husband are okay but i'm frankly very upset with my husband for being so reckless with our child and i hope in time i can forgive him."
ld was fine, he had the ac running but it was a hot day, 94 degrees and sunny. my husband is pissed that i'm not publicly defending him and says i'm a bad wife because of this. frankly i think he's a dumb ass for what he did and he doesn't deserve my defense. i'm mostly just thankful that we were allowed to take ld home. they could have easily jerked our rights over this. it's happened.
aita for telling the public that i'm pissed at my husbsnd?
| 11,751 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/icg2q4/aita_for_admitting_im_pissed_at_my_husband_for/
|
2020-08-19 03:26:16
|
nta - the terrifying fact here is that your husband does not accept that what he did was dangerous.
what else does he think is okay...
|
nta. your husband endangered your helpless infant. i can’t imagine what was so important at the gas station.
|
nta. i’m a dad of a 2 year old and a 5 month old. i don’t give a damn who’s sleeping; mine aren’t getting left in a running car for 1 second out of my sight. 20 mins? your husband is kinda a dipshit.
|
nta. you sound like a fit parent. i’m on the fence about your husband because anything could have happened in twenty minutes — leaving the car running doesn’t make this situation better.
hope this works out in your favor.
|
nta
you can leave your baby in the car while you do certain things. checking the trunk, changing a tire, talking to someone right by the door. basically, things that do not take you away from the vehicle.
your husband left the car, went inside a store and did not pay any attention to your child. your car could have been stolen, it could have stalled and over heated. your child could have been seriously hurt so easily.
it might be forgivable if he could admit what he did was wrong and learn from it, but he seems to be doubling down on his shit actions.
|
absolutely nta. what he did was reckless, foolish, selfish and put your infant at risk. he seemingly has no remorse for this, doesn’t understand the gravity of the potential situation he caused, and now in addition to the risk to your infant, **cps will be investigating your home.**
if it takes you not backing him publicly for him to feel *something*, so be it.
*”my husband is pissed that i’m not publicly defending him.”* **this statement should concern you.**
he is more worried about taking steps to guard his reputation in the media than protecting his child. your criticism is fair, deserved, and maybe a little publicity will help him realize how reckless he was since nothing other than public attention seems to be phasing him, here.
infant deaths from hot vehicles lead to heartbreaking, horrible body trauma before they pass. whatever cigarettes or bullshit he was getting from the store should never take priority over his child.
|
nta your husband could have killed your child. any number of things could have happened while he was gone you are lucky it was only the police breaking the window and getting him out.
i’m truly disturbed by the fact that your husband doesn’t think he did anything wrong.
|
yta for not having the sense to say 'no comment' to the news when they called. this is not a therapist you're sharing your feelings with it's a public news outlet. not to mention admitting your husband is guilty. very foolish. your husband of course is also an ah for leaving a 6 mos old child in the car. you two need to get it together before this kid grows up enough to realize who his parents are.
|
esh
"no comment" would be a perfectly acceptable response to the media while still being pissed privately.
|
&#x200b;
> my husband is pissed that i'm not publicly defending him and says i'm a bad wife because of this.
there was no way you could publicly defend him without the cps thinking you're as risky as your husband too and therefore earning both of you 'demerits.' so lol at your husband for thinking there is an actual public defense or excuse for him on this. does everybody have to be ding-a-lings and say crazy sh\*\* just to make him look good? lol...
i think, next time, maybe "sorry, no comment at this time" to the news media might have been better, but honestly, how could one not be upset by this?
and for anybody else (not including your parents/immediate family), maybe "i can't say anything at this time while there's an investigation going on."
but if you let your husband have an earful, i wouldn't say anything against that.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
| null | 0.111464 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: last week my husband got arrested for endangering the welfare of a child. our child. our six month old son, little dude. ld doesn't sleep well and when does sleep we tend to stop living so he gets a good sleep. last monday i was at work and my husband was home with ld when he decided to run to the gas station for a snack. on the way ld fell asleep. my husband waited for a minute at the gas station but ld didn't wake up so my husband left the car locked and running with ld inside. he ended up taking twenty minutes in the gas station due to many customers. when he came out the police were holding ld and our car window was broken. he was arrested for the aforementioned crime and child services took ld. i was called at work and had to firstly go and collect ld and then go bail my husband out of jail. he wasn't even remotely sorry about anything. i told him what he had done was absolutely stupid. i did not call him stupid, i called his actions stupid. i asked him how he could have done this when it seems every month we hear about a baby dying in a hot car and parents getting arrested. we're now being reviewed by cps until such time as they deem us fit parents. this being a small town the local news called us. i answered them honestly, "im glad my son and husband are okay but i'm frankly very upset with my husband for being so reckless with our child and i hope in time i can forgive him." ld was fine, he had the ac running but it was a hot day, 94 degrees and sunny. my husband is pissed that i'm not publicly defending him and says i'm a bad wife because of this. frankly i think he's a dumb ass for what he did and he doesn't deserve my defense. i'm mostly just thankful that we were allowed to take ld home. they could have easily jerked our rights over this. it's happened. aita for telling the public that i'm pissed at my husbsnd?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
last week my husband got arrested for endangering the welfare of a child. our child. our six month old son, little dude. ld doesn't sleep well and when does sleep we tend to stop living so he gets a good sleep. last monday i was at work and my husband was home with ld when he decided to run to the gas station for a snack. on the way ld fell asleep. my husband waited for a minute at the gas station but ld didn't wake up so my husband left the car locked and running with ld inside. he ended up taking twenty minutes in the gas station due to many customers. when he came out the police were holding ld and our car window was broken. he was arrested for the aforementioned crime and child services took ld. i was called at work and had to firstly go and collect ld and then go bail my husband out of jail. he wasn't even remotely sorry about anything. i told him what he had done was absolutely stupid. i did not call him stupid, i called his actions stupid. i asked him how he could have done this when it seems every month we hear about a baby dying in a hot car and parents getting arrested. we're now being reviewed by cps until such time as they deem us fit parents. this being a small town the local news called us. i answered them honestly, "im glad my son and husband are okay but i'm frankly very upset with my husband for being so reckless with our child and i hope in time i can forgive him." ld was fine, he had the ac running but it was a hot day, 94 degrees and sunny. my husband is pissed that i'm not publicly defending him and says i'm a bad wife because of this. frankly i think he's a dumb ass for what he did and he doesn't deserve my defense. i'm mostly just thankful that we were allowed to take ld home. they could have easily jerked our rights over this. it's happened. aita for telling the public that i'm pissed at my husbsnd? [/INST] nta - the terrifying fact here is that your husband does not accept that what he did was dangerous. what else does he think is okay... </s>
|
AITA For saying no to helping out at work because I was refused a raise?
|
when i say i was refused a raise, i mean it's been four years since i've gotten one and every time i've asked they've had a different lame excuse. their newest one is that they're not offering raises at this time. this is despite constantly increasing our workload and me always being available to help when needed.
i finally snapped today though and when asked if i could take some extra work for a few people who were out i said "sorry, i'm not able to take anything else today". this isn't the part i'm wondering about being an asshole though, i know that's justified. my concern is that since i said no it's going to be dumped on the only other person who can handle it and i know he's already overwhelmed as it is so i've just doomed him to a ton of extra work.
i'm not a manager or in any position where i should be picking up anyone's slack but i've always done it and i think they were used to it so now they're scrambling. i don't care if i made them work more but am i an asshole for making a co-worker do more out of spite for my employer? to be clear i'm doing all of my regularly assigned work and not dropping the ball on that in any way, i'm just closed for business when it comes to helping out until this raise bs is dealt with, which is unlikely so i'm basically done helping anyone.
and in case anyone asks, yes i'm looking for a new job. it's just tough because i've built up five weeks of vacation and i really don't want to lose that. there are other reasons too but i won't go into them because they're not relevant.
thank you to everyone who has replied so far and who will in the future. i feel better already.
| 716 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cr7c3n/aita_for_saying_no_to_helping_out_at_work_because/
|
2019-08-16 14:44:42
|
nta. your co-worker can also say "no, i can't do anything more." if they aren't willing to pay for the help that they've got, then they need to realize that the help they've got will either a.) quit caring and helping out because they obviously don't care for their help or b.) just plain quit.
btw, i'm not sure if you just plain lose your vacation pay when you quit. they may have to actually pay you out. (they would in canada. it's been so long since i've lived in the states that i'm not sure anymore.)
|
nta
you're not the one making your co-worker do more, the workplace is. they need to look after their staff better if they want such a high level of commitment from them. your co-worker should say no too.
|
short answer: nta
info: are you hourly or salaried? it would be shitty enough to keep giving a salaried person more work without giving any kind of pay increase in four years, but it would be even worse if you're hourly.
|
nta. people don't quit jobs, they quit bosses.
|
nta - it's okay to say no. you don't have to justify yourself, just say no.
|
nta. take the five weeks' vacation. that'll give you time to clear your head and give them time to decide whether it might be worth giving you a hefty raise to make up for the four years when you didn't get one.
|
nta you stood up for yourself and your colleagues should do the same. it's not your responsibility to continually take on more to cover for a shitty employer.
i hope you find a new job soon.
|
nta - one time, years and years ago at an old job, i was denied a raise.
i started doing about 20-30% of my work load and just leaving the rest. evenutally the boss called me in, we discussed, and i got a raise.
then i went back to doing my old job.
food for thought.
|
**always give 75%. that way when you give less, it’s seen as you being sick or stressed, etc. when you give more, then they will likely give you a raise or promote you. but never give 100%. it’s only downhill from there.**
|
nta. neither of you should be made to do so much extra work without any compensation. your boss is ta here. it's unfortunate for your co-worker but it's not your responsibility to begin with.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: when i say i was refused a raise, i mean it's been four years since i've gotten one and every time i've asked they've had a different lame excuse. their newest one is that they're not offering raises at this time. this is despite constantly increasing our workload and me always being available to help when needed. i finally snapped today though and when asked if i could take some extra work for a few people who were out i said "sorry, i'm not able to take anything else today". this isn't the part i'm wondering about being an asshole though, i know that's justified. my concern is that since i said no it's going to be dumped on the only other person who can handle it and i know he's already overwhelmed as it is so i've just doomed him to a ton of extra work. i'm not a manager or in any position where i should be picking up anyone's slack but i've always done it and i think they were used to it so now they're scrambling. i don't care if i made them work more but am i an asshole for making a co-worker do more out of spite for my employer? to be clear i'm doing all of my regularly assigned work and not dropping the ball on that in any way, i'm just closed for business when it comes to helping out until this raise bs is dealt with, which is unlikely so i'm basically done helping anyone. and in case anyone asks, yes i'm looking for a new job. it's just tough because i've built up five weeks of vacation and i really don't want to lose that. there are other reasons too but i won't go into them because they're not relevant. thank you to everyone who has replied so far and who will in the future. i feel better already.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
when i say i was refused a raise, i mean it's been four years since i've gotten one and every time i've asked they've had a different lame excuse. their newest one is that they're not offering raises at this time. this is despite constantly increasing our workload and me always being available to help when needed. i finally snapped today though and when asked if i could take some extra work for a few people who were out i said "sorry, i'm not able to take anything else today". this isn't the part i'm wondering about being an asshole though, i know that's justified. my concern is that since i said no it's going to be dumped on the only other person who can handle it and i know he's already overwhelmed as it is so i've just doomed him to a ton of extra work. i'm not a manager or in any position where i should be picking up anyone's slack but i've always done it and i think they were used to it so now they're scrambling. i don't care if i made them work more but am i an asshole for making a co-worker do more out of spite for my employer? to be clear i'm doing all of my regularly assigned work and not dropping the ball on that in any way, i'm just closed for business when it comes to helping out until this raise bs is dealt with, which is unlikely so i'm basically done helping anyone. and in case anyone asks, yes i'm looking for a new job. it's just tough because i've built up five weeks of vacation and i really don't want to lose that. there are other reasons too but i won't go into them because they're not relevant. thank you to everyone who has replied so far and who will in the future. i feel better already. [/INST] nta. your co-worker can also say "no, i can't do anything more." if they aren't willing to pay for the help that they've got, then they need to realize that the help they've got will either a.) quit caring and helping out because they obviously don't care for their help or b.) just plain quit. btw, i'm not sure if you just plain lose your vacation pay when you quit. they may have to actually pay you out. (they would in canada. it's been so long since i've lived in the states that i'm not sure anymore.) </s>
|
AITA for planning a trip with my daughter?
|
my daughter(16f) has friends who graduated and are going on trips with their families to celebrate. my daughter wants to do this only with me, which i feel happy about if i'm being honest, i haven't been able to spend time with her that's just us since she was five because of my other kids, my strp-kids, her going to her dads place and work. everytime i try to make time my husband says to take the other girls and my daughter says forget it before i can tell him that it would just be me and my daughter. she doesn't have a job but she's getting one and she's going to help out neighbors over the summer as well since she's determined to reach her goal and i'm so proud of her. last night i was doing some research and planning with her when my husband asked what we were doing. i told him we were planning the trip and he said to take his girls as well. i told him no and that it was just going to be me and my daughter.
&#x200b;
my daughter is grateful that i said something but my husband is giving me the silent treatment and, apparently, has already told the girls to guilt-trip me.
&#x200b;
aita for wanting to spend time with just my daughter?
| 393 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nhypcj/aita_for_planning_a_trip_with_my_daughter/
|
2021-05-21 17:57:33
|
nta. your husband is an ah for that last little paragraph. i hope you and your daughter have a good time!
|
nta tell him that for making the situation worse, you're both going for 2 weeks now
|
nta. you dont always have to spend time with your step daughters. it's absolutely fine to spend quality, one-on-one time with your daughter. and by your post it sounds like she wants that mom daughter time as well.
your husband on the other hand is ta for asking the girls to guilt trip you and for not understanding the need for some private time with your own daughter. stand your ground op and have fun!
|
i find it strange your husband isn’t suggesting to make it a family trip. he just wants you to take the whole family on a trip and leave him at home alone? lazy and entitled and then getting his girls worked over it too is passive aggressive - i hope you are happy otherwise.
enjoy your trip for two!
|
**nta.** sounds like your husband doesn't want to parent his daughters while you are gone so he wants to dump all the kids on you. why doesn't he plan a trip for himself and his daughters? is he one of those men that expects women to do all the planning and taking care of the kids?
if his girls try to guilt-trip you, tell them they should ask their dad to take them somewhere
|
info- what's his problem?
|
nta
it is okay to sometimes do something special with just one of your kids. this of course assumes you aren't playing favorites or neglecting the others. sometimes, a kid just needs the attention for a moment.
you will have to think about how to make it up to all the others.
as for your husband. he needs to grow up. the silent treatment? really? what is he 12. (actually, my 12 yo doesn't even do that.)
|
nta you want to spend some one on one time with your daughter. stand your ground on with your husband. he is ta for even saying anything to his daughters.
|
nta for going only with your daughter. it’s really sad that you haven’t spent time alone with her for **eleven** years. your husband *always* telling you to take the other girls and trying to guilt you and your daughter *himself* is bad enough, but enlisting *the other girls* to guilt trip you is atrocious. this post does not paint your husband in a good light and i *hope* that the guilt tripping isn’t a typical thing for him but i doubt it.
keep standing up for your daughter.
edit based on op’s response.
|
nta. asking if his daughters can go with you is understandable, especially if you leave them out of activities a lot. but asking them to guilt trip you? geez. that’s a red flag for me.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter(16f) has friends who graduated and are going on trips with their families to celebrate. my daughter wants to do this only with me, which i feel happy about if i'm being honest, i haven't been able to spend time with her that's just us since she was five because of my other kids, my strp-kids, her going to her dads place and work. everytime i try to make time my husband says to take the other girls and my daughter says forget it before i can tell him that it would just be me and my daughter. she doesn't have a job but she's getting one and she's going to help out neighbors over the summer as well since she's determined to reach her goal and i'm so proud of her. last night i was doing some research and planning with her when my husband asked what we were doing. i told him we were planning the trip and he said to take his girls as well. i told him no and that it was just going to be me and my daughter. &#x200b; my daughter is grateful that i said something but my husband is giving me the silent treatment and, apparently, has already told the girls to guilt-trip me. &#x200b; aita for wanting to spend time with just my daughter?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter(16f) has friends who graduated and are going on trips with their families to celebrate. my daughter wants to do this only with me, which i feel happy about if i'm being honest, i haven't been able to spend time with her that's just us since she was five because of my other kids, my strp-kids, her going to her dads place and work. everytime i try to make time my husband says to take the other girls and my daughter says forget it before i can tell him that it would just be me and my daughter. she doesn't have a job but she's getting one and she's going to help out neighbors over the summer as well since she's determined to reach her goal and i'm so proud of her. last night i was doing some research and planning with her when my husband asked what we were doing. i told him we were planning the trip and he said to take his girls as well. i told him no and that it was just going to be me and my daughter. &#x200b; my daughter is grateful that i said something but my husband is giving me the silent treatment and, apparently, has already told the girls to guilt-trip me. &#x200b; aita for wanting to spend time with just my daughter? [/INST] nta. your husband is an ah for that last little paragraph. i hope you and your daughter have a good time! </s>
|
AITA that I now refuse to transport my sisters belongings after she’s accused me of stealing her things on multiple occasions?
|
long story short - my sister (29) moved out of our family home probably 2 years ago, where i (f21) used to share a room with her. she is very materialistic and dated men who can afford to buy her expensive things. that being said, she has probably 10 luxury bags and multiple clothing from luxury brands.
when she moved out out the house she didn’t take everything with herself and left some of the expensive things in my room still. so about a month ago she comes into my room at 1am and the first thing she is looking for are her luxury pants. she couldn’t find them and accused the whole family of having something to do with it. not only that but also accused my boyfriend of having something to do with it. this makes no sense to me because i literally have cash laying around my room and my own bags, why would i need her things? she always ends up finding her things afterwards but never apologised for her behaviour.
so she trashed my entire room just to find her pants in another closet where she “hid” it. now recently a week ago she came over to the house when i was away in vacation and couldn’t find her expensive bag and accused me of having something to do with it again. i’m completely disappointed and frustrated cuz i never touch her things, i’m not that desperate.
she has completely ruined our relationship and still continues to. she texted today to help her bring some of her things i’ve tried her house and i refused to and now she’s acting sarcastic with me like it’s my fault even though she’s the one who jeopardised our relationship.
tldr: sister accused me and my entire family, my boyfriend (mostly me as i share the room with her) of stealing her luxury things after she moved out (always ends up finding it somewhere afterwards cuz she misplaced them but never apologises) and now i refuse to help her with any of her belongings. she is now mad and sarcastic saying i’m not a real sister.
| 390 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zgstol/aita_that_i_now_refuse_to_transport_my_sisters/
|
2022-12-09 09:49:17
|
nta. she sounds insufferable. i would simply state "why would you allow someone who apparently steals from you to touch your things? apologise and don't accuse ever again if dare want any help in the future"
|
nta
i suggest that you keep a record of such incidents. she may even try to report you to the police. as such, this will be useful for you.
|
nta ... your sister sounds like a piece of work.
|
nta.
she accused you for stealing. you have every right to say no after something like that.
|
whatever she asks for just say : "can't find it, someone must've stolen it!"
cheers and nta
|
nta
as you get older you will get less inclined to deal with her bs. she’s sounds horrible good luck with however you decide to deal this relationship.
|
nta. she sounds absolutely miserable. if your sister keeps going this way, i wouldn’t be surprised if op decides to go no contact one day. i hope i’m wrong for op’s sake but this doesn’t bode well
|
nta good lord she sounds like a drama queen plus she was a gold digger dating men who could buy her stuff. sorry that you have her as a sister
|
nta you'd think if she doesn't trust you with her stuff she wouldn't want to ask you to transport more of her stuff for her..
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: long story short - my sister (29) moved out of our family home probably 2 years ago, where i (f21) used to share a room with her. she is very materialistic and dated men who can afford to buy her expensive things. that being said, she has probably 10 luxury bags and multiple clothing from luxury brands. when she moved out out the house she didn’t take everything with herself and left some of the expensive things in my room still. so about a month ago she comes into my room at 1am and the first thing she is looking for are her luxury pants. she couldn’t find them and accused the whole family of having something to do with it. not only that but also accused my boyfriend of having something to do with it. this makes no sense to me because i literally have cash laying around my room and my own bags, why would i need her things? she always ends up finding her things afterwards but never apologised for her behaviour. so she trashed my entire room just to find her pants in another closet where she “hid” it. now recently a week ago she came over to the house when i was away in vacation and couldn’t find her expensive bag and accused me of having something to do with it again. i’m completely disappointed and frustrated cuz i never touch her things, i’m not that desperate. she has completely ruined our relationship and still continues to. she texted today to help her bring some of her things i’ve tried her house and i refused to and now she’s acting sarcastic with me like it’s my fault even though she’s the one who jeopardised our relationship. tldr: sister accused me and my entire family, my boyfriend (mostly me as i share the room with her) of stealing her luxury things after she moved out (always ends up finding it somewhere afterwards cuz she misplaced them but never apologises) and now i refuse to help her with any of her belongings. she is now mad and sarcastic saying i’m not a real sister.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
long story short - my sister (29) moved out of our family home probably 2 years ago, where i (f21) used to share a room with her. she is very materialistic and dated men who can afford to buy her expensive things. that being said, she has probably 10 luxury bags and multiple clothing from luxury brands. when she moved out out the house she didn’t take everything with herself and left some of the expensive things in my room still. so about a month ago she comes into my room at 1am and the first thing she is looking for are her luxury pants. she couldn’t find them and accused the whole family of having something to do with it. not only that but also accused my boyfriend of having something to do with it. this makes no sense to me because i literally have cash laying around my room and my own bags, why would i need her things? she always ends up finding her things afterwards but never apologised for her behaviour. so she trashed my entire room just to find her pants in another closet where she “hid” it. now recently a week ago she came over to the house when i was away in vacation and couldn’t find her expensive bag and accused me of having something to do with it again. i’m completely disappointed and frustrated cuz i never touch her things, i’m not that desperate. she has completely ruined our relationship and still continues to. she texted today to help her bring some of her things i’ve tried her house and i refused to and now she’s acting sarcastic with me like it’s my fault even though she’s the one who jeopardised our relationship. tldr: sister accused me and my entire family, my boyfriend (mostly me as i share the room with her) of stealing her luxury things after she moved out (always ends up finding it somewhere afterwards cuz she misplaced them but never apologises) and now i refuse to help her with any of her belongings. she is now mad and sarcastic saying i’m not a real sister. [/INST] nta. she sounds insufferable. i would simply state "why would you allow someone who apparently steals from you to touch your things? apologise and don't accuse ever again if dare want any help in the future" </s>
|
AITA for not giving my sister my house and kicking her out of hers?
|
long story, will try to shorten it as much as possible but let me know if something doesn't make sense. throwaway because my nephew uses reddit.
i have 1 younger sister who has 3 kids in their early-late teens. she has horrible financial sense and a ton of debt.
about 6 years ago our parents passed away, they left my sister some investments in a managed fund which are worth over 300k but she can only access a small amount(around 20k), once every 6 months. i think this was an excellent idea as it the past when she has gotten large lump sums she has blown through it rapidly without paying off debt.
case in point, about six months after our parents deaths my sisters husband passed away and she got a life insurance payout of almost 250k and she spent it within a year without paying down her mortgage, paying off student/credit card debt and then got behind on her mortgage and the bank foreclosed on her house.
our parents left me their house, i had specifically asked for it so i could rent it and use it as collateral to buy a house of my own. it was only worth around 250k at the time and was recently valued at 320k. after my sister ran out of her husband's life insurance i let her move into my parents house in what was supposed to be a temporary arrangement while she found a job(she was a sahm). i let her stay for free excluding expenses. the house is relatively small(only 3bdrm) and she has been complaining since she met her new boyfriend that its not big enough, especially since she is now pregnant. i have given up on trying to get her to move out.
i have recently bought my first home. i had a decent deposit but will still have a mortgage of around $250/week. it is a 5bdrm, 2 bathroom place so that my fiancee and her daughter can move in with me and i will convert the extra bedrooms into a studio for my fiancee and a work room for me.
my sister has found out about the new place this weekend and immediately asked when they would be moving in. this shocked me considering i had never suggested she could live there. obviously i refused and she's now blowing up my phone, calling me selfish and that her growing family need the space more than i and my f***ot gf and her bastard daughter.
i flipped my shit when she started insulting my partner and daughter and told her that i would be contacting a lawyer on monday to arrange evicting her and that she had been living off my generosity for 5 years and i was sick of being there for her. she's obviously beside herself and her bf has been sending me angry abusive emails about how dare i kick out a pregnant woman. aita here?
| 6,492 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kblyrn/aita_for_not_giving_my_sister_my_house_and/
|
2020-12-12 08:53:33
|
nta i'm shocked you let her move in in the first place. good for you for helping, but you've done more than enough.
|
nta. i wouldn't have let her move in for free. i would have made her pay at least something, i always fear squatters rights happening.
|
nta. your sister is an adult woman who chose to flush her money down the toilet when she could have paid off her house.
also, as an adult she can look for her own place with her boyfriend. your sister seems to have gotten a lot of help and doesn't appreciate it.
|
nta.
> a life insurance payout of almost 250k and she spent it within a year without paying down her mortgage, paying off student/credit card debt and then got behind on her mortgage and the bank foreclosed on her house.
i'm actually impressed, this takes real talent.
|
nta, i mean shes unlucky in losing her husband and your parents. looks like she lost her only remaining family now. from the information provided, she sounds entitled and needs to do some growing up.
|
nta.
you're a literal saint for putting up with this for 5 years. i would have had her out after 2, max. evict her and don't look back.
congrats on your new house!
|
nta, also if she is taking out 40k a year from that fund she will run out in about 2 years and you do not want to be anywhere near her when that happens.
|
nta. op, if your sister spent the $250,000 of life insurance proceeds within a year or so after husband's death without paying off any debt, investing it or having "anything" to show where the money went then there is something very serious going on in your sister's life. you are very wise to get a lawyer & evict her from your homeplace but i would time the eviction as to when she is eligible to receive another payout from your parents "set aside" investment funds. doing it this way will show the courts that she absolutely funds to move & would not suffer any financial hardships due to lack of funds especially many states have stopped evictions. as far as moving into your home, hell no. with life comes choices, with choices comes consequences, let her suffer own lousy & sucky life consequences. good luck.
|
obviously nta, she has been taking advantage of you.
|
nta her boyfriend is the one that got her pregnant he's the one that can take care of her. 5 years is a really long time to get on your feet!
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: long story, will try to shorten it as much as possible but let me know if something doesn't make sense. throwaway because my nephew uses reddit. i have 1 younger sister who has 3 kids in their early-late teens. she has horrible financial sense and a ton of debt. about 6 years ago our parents passed away, they left my sister some investments in a managed fund which are worth over 300k but she can only access a small amount(around 20k), once every 6 months. i think this was an excellent idea as it the past when she has gotten large lump sums she has blown through it rapidly without paying off debt. case in point, about six months after our parents deaths my sisters husband passed away and she got a life insurance payout of almost 250k and she spent it within a year without paying down her mortgage, paying off student/credit card debt and then got behind on her mortgage and the bank foreclosed on her house. our parents left me their house, i had specifically asked for it so i could rent it and use it as collateral to buy a house of my own. it was only worth around 250k at the time and was recently valued at 320k. after my sister ran out of her husband's life insurance i let her move into my parents house in what was supposed to be a temporary arrangement while she found a job(she was a sahm). i let her stay for free excluding expenses. the house is relatively small(only 3bdrm) and she has been complaining since she met her new boyfriend that its not big enough, especially since she is now pregnant. i have given up on trying to get her to move out. i have recently bought my first home. i had a decent deposit but will still have a mortgage of around $250/week. it is a 5bdrm, 2 bathroom place so that my fiancee and her daughter can move in with me and i will convert the extra bedrooms into a studio for my fiancee and a work room for me. my sister has found out about the new place this weekend and immediately asked when they would be moving in. this shocked me considering i had never suggested she could live there. obviously i refused and she's now blowing up my phone, calling me selfish and that her growing family need the space more than i and my f***ot gf and her bastard daughter. i flipped my shit when she started insulting my partner and daughter and told her that i would be contacting a lawyer on monday to arrange evicting her and that she had been living off my generosity for 5 years and i was sick of being there for her. she's obviously beside herself and her bf has been sending me angry abusive emails about how dare i kick out a pregnant woman. aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
long story, will try to shorten it as much as possible but let me know if something doesn't make sense. throwaway because my nephew uses reddit. i have 1 younger sister who has 3 kids in their early-late teens. she has horrible financial sense and a ton of debt. about 6 years ago our parents passed away, they left my sister some investments in a managed fund which are worth over 300k but she can only access a small amount(around 20k), once every 6 months. i think this was an excellent idea as it the past when she has gotten large lump sums she has blown through it rapidly without paying off debt. case in point, about six months after our parents deaths my sisters husband passed away and she got a life insurance payout of almost 250k and she spent it within a year without paying down her mortgage, paying off student/credit card debt and then got behind on her mortgage and the bank foreclosed on her house. our parents left me their house, i had specifically asked for it so i could rent it and use it as collateral to buy a house of my own. it was only worth around 250k at the time and was recently valued at 320k. after my sister ran out of her husband's life insurance i let her move into my parents house in what was supposed to be a temporary arrangement while she found a job(she was a sahm). i let her stay for free excluding expenses. the house is relatively small(only 3bdrm) and she has been complaining since she met her new boyfriend that its not big enough, especially since she is now pregnant. i have given up on trying to get her to move out. i have recently bought my first home. i had a decent deposit but will still have a mortgage of around $250/week. it is a 5bdrm, 2 bathroom place so that my fiancee and her daughter can move in with me and i will convert the extra bedrooms into a studio for my fiancee and a work room for me. my sister has found out about the new place this weekend and immediately asked when they would be moving in. this shocked me considering i had never suggested she could live there. obviously i refused and she's now blowing up my phone, calling me selfish and that her growing family need the space more than i and my f***ot gf and her bastard daughter. i flipped my shit when she started insulting my partner and daughter and told her that i would be contacting a lawyer on monday to arrange evicting her and that she had been living off my generosity for 5 years and i was sick of being there for her. she's obviously beside herself and her bf has been sending me angry abusive emails about how dare i kick out a pregnant woman. aita here? [/INST] nta i'm shocked you let her move in in the first place. good for you for helping, but you've done more than enough. </s>
|
AITA for not telling my friend her ex was dating someone
|
my (20f) friend (21f, lets call her d) and her ex-boyfriend (20m, lets call him s) broke up a bit over 7 months ago after dating on and off for about a year. it wasn't really on bad terms, but i think d expected to get back together with him afterwards, and that clearly didn't happen. now, s and i were friends way before the two of them started dating, and continued to be friends after the breakup, which d was aware of and said she was fully okay with.
a couple of weeks ago, s calls me and is like "hey, you're gay right?" (i am, yeah) and he told me he thought he might be bisexual and we had this like really long talk about growing up lgbt and stuff like that. then he tells me that he met this guy and is thinking about asking him out and i tell him to go for it if that's what he wants. afterwards he just kind of kept me updated on all that, told me the guy had yes and that their date went well. we're friends, and this is clearly something that's new to him and i get it to some degree so it made sense to me that he'd wanna talk about it with me.
i didn't tell d about it. to be honest, it didn't even cross my mind to tell her. i think about s as my friend before as d's ex but even if i didn't, given that this was a guy he was dating, i wasn't about to share that with anyone unless he said it was cool. i don't know who he's out to and am not about to out him.
he made it public on instagram recently now that him and the other guy are official with a selfie of the two of them, and i commented on his post like "he's as cute as you said he was!". so d calls me and is like "how could you not tell me?" and i tell her that it wasn't my place to be telling her, and she's like "you could've just told me he was seeing someone without saying it was a guy" and, yeah, maybe i could have, but i also don't think i *had* to. it's been 7 months, and it's not like she ever even asked about him. but she's still mad at me and says i betrayed her trust. aita?
| 1,520 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m3l4ye/aita_for_not_telling_my_friend_her_ex_was_dating/
|
2021-03-12 16:26:24
|
nta
it's not for you to out someone as you said, and she's an adult, if she wanted to know she should have asked, you're not a mind reader.
i think her real issue is that he's with someone and it's not her.
|
nta - i think you handled this situation well, your friend didn't ask and you were right by not wanting to accidentally out your other friend.
|
nta. you didn't betray her trust, you kept his. being her spy into his private life is not a requirement of a friendship, and it's not something a good friend would expect you to do.
|
nta. you handled this perfectly, couldn't have been better imo. your friend needs to move on, clearly she's still harboring feelings for s. furthermore, it isn't your friend's business at all.
|
nta. it sounds like d was very hurt that her dreams were broken and lashed out at the first person against whom she could convince herself she had a grievance. you just drew the short straw.
now, if she had been confiding in you about her hopes and dreams about reuniting with s and you indulged her or even encouraged her in her hopes, then you would be the ah.
still, i recommend you be generous to d and be sympathetic and let her rant a bit as you have already established that you don't consider yourself to blame.
|
"i didn't betray your trust, i respected s's privacy. you aren't priveledge to information just because you are his ex. he still gets to live his life without being reported on."
nta.
|
nta -- because it sounds like there is no world in which you could have said he was dating someone new without her asking for details. who is she? what does she look like? is she prettier than me? it would have crossed into lying real quick, and then she would have been pissed at you for not telling her the truth. you didn't want to out him to his ex. that is a perfectly reasonable reason for not telling her.
|
nta. it isn't on you to tell your friend that her ex is dating someone else - he's her ex, and she isn't entitled to any information about how he lives his life after their breakup. he made the information public when he was ready to.
|
nta. you're not obligated to gossip to your friends about your other friends. quite the opposite. you're a good friend, and if d can't appreciate that, then maybe she's just not worthy of this friendship.
|
turn it around. would she be okay with you telling him about a new partner without her consent? i doubt it.
nta
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (20f) friend (21f, lets call her d) and her ex-boyfriend (20m, lets call him s) broke up a bit over 7 months ago after dating on and off for about a year. it wasn't really on bad terms, but i think d expected to get back together with him afterwards, and that clearly didn't happen. now, s and i were friends way before the two of them started dating, and continued to be friends after the breakup, which d was aware of and said she was fully okay with. a couple of weeks ago, s calls me and is like "hey, you're gay right?" (i am, yeah) and he told me he thought he might be bisexual and we had this like really long talk about growing up lgbt and stuff like that. then he tells me that he met this guy and is thinking about asking him out and i tell him to go for it if that's what he wants. afterwards he just kind of kept me updated on all that, told me the guy had yes and that their date went well. we're friends, and this is clearly something that's new to him and i get it to some degree so it made sense to me that he'd wanna talk about it with me. i didn't tell d about it. to be honest, it didn't even cross my mind to tell her. i think about s as my friend before as d's ex but even if i didn't, given that this was a guy he was dating, i wasn't about to share that with anyone unless he said it was cool. i don't know who he's out to and am not about to out him. he made it public on instagram recently now that him and the other guy are official with a selfie of the two of them, and i commented on his post like "he's as cute as you said he was!". so d calls me and is like "how could you not tell me?" and i tell her that it wasn't my place to be telling her, and she's like "you could've just told me he was seeing someone without saying it was a guy" and, yeah, maybe i could have, but i also don't think i *had* to. it's been 7 months, and it's not like she ever even asked about him. but she's still mad at me and says i betrayed her trust. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (20f) friend (21f, lets call her d) and her ex-boyfriend (20m, lets call him s) broke up a bit over 7 months ago after dating on and off for about a year. it wasn't really on bad terms, but i think d expected to get back together with him afterwards, and that clearly didn't happen. now, s and i were friends way before the two of them started dating, and continued to be friends after the breakup, which d was aware of and said she was fully okay with. a couple of weeks ago, s calls me and is like "hey, you're gay right?" (i am, yeah) and he told me he thought he might be bisexual and we had this like really long talk about growing up lgbt and stuff like that. then he tells me that he met this guy and is thinking about asking him out and i tell him to go for it if that's what he wants. afterwards he just kind of kept me updated on all that, told me the guy had yes and that their date went well. we're friends, and this is clearly something that's new to him and i get it to some degree so it made sense to me that he'd wanna talk about it with me. i didn't tell d about it. to be honest, it didn't even cross my mind to tell her. i think about s as my friend before as d's ex but even if i didn't, given that this was a guy he was dating, i wasn't about to share that with anyone unless he said it was cool. i don't know who he's out to and am not about to out him. he made it public on instagram recently now that him and the other guy are official with a selfie of the two of them, and i commented on his post like "he's as cute as you said he was!". so d calls me and is like "how could you not tell me?" and i tell her that it wasn't my place to be telling her, and she's like "you could've just told me he was seeing someone without saying it was a guy" and, yeah, maybe i could have, but i also don't think i *had* to. it's been 7 months, and it's not like she ever even asked about him. but she's still mad at me and says i betrayed her trust. aita? [/INST] nta it's not for you to out someone as you said, and she's an adult, if she wanted to know she should have asked, you're not a mind reader. i think her real issue is that he's with someone and it's not her. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting my baby to go to another country without me?
|
our baby is 4 months old and my child’s father is planning on going to jamaica in may & wants to take our son without me. i am not comfortable with that at all & he’s saying how he has a right to take him because he’s his father etc… i understand he wants his family to see our baby and i’m willing to go as well so that our baby can meet his family. him and i are cordial even though we’re not in a relationship. this isn’t a case where i’m being bitter and petty. i simply cannot stomach the thought of my baby being so far away. aita?
| 192 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xrd4zc/aita_for_not_wanting_my_baby_to_go_to_another/
|
2022-09-29 17:04:16
|
nta. the fact that you’re willing to go, and he wants to leave the country alone with your child, is a huge red flag. do not allow him to go. go to court if you have to. do not give him access to your child’s passport (assuming the baby had one).
|
nta do not like him take your baby. he could get kidnapped
|
nta
in my country a child cannot legally exit the country without both parents. it's also accepted a written, notarized consent from the other parent that's not joining.
it's normal for you to want to join in this trip. if all your ex husband wants is for the child to meet his family, he shouldn't have any issues with you also joining.
|
hell no, your child is way too young to be going somewhere without you.
nta. trust your mom instincts.
|
nta he's 4 months. i'm childless but i couldn't imagine being separated from a child that young across town much less another country.
|
i am gonna say nta, but legally i have no idea what he is allowed to do and not do. if the courts are involved you may want to reach out to a lawyer and see what the official laws are.
but i applaud your willingness to travel out of the country with a man you are not in a relationship with in order to allow your child to meet his family. that is co-parenting done right in my book.
|
he has a right to see his child, he does not have a right to take the child away from his mother for an amount of time that he chooses.
no more than you would have a right to say "you can't see your child for 4 weeks because that's what i decided"
if he wants his family to see the baby, he should take you along on the trip, or bring his family to where the baby is.
nta
|
nta. but if you don’t have custody orders in place that also addresses international travel, i would handle that before letting a minor travel or even get a passport.
|
nta. a baby that young probably shouldn't be away from you that long tbh. i'd be uncomfortable with it too.
|
nta
there's no way in hell i would do that and i let my 14 and 15 year old travel throughout many countries without any family with them. (there was an adult chaperone from their school but one kid called at 3 a.m. drunk in ireland because he couldn't find his passport. funny story now.)
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: our baby is 4 months old and my child’s father is planning on going to jamaica in may & wants to take our son without me. i am not comfortable with that at all & he’s saying how he has a right to take him because he’s his father etc… i understand he wants his family to see our baby and i’m willing to go as well so that our baby can meet his family. him and i are cordial even though we’re not in a relationship. this isn’t a case where i’m being bitter and petty. i simply cannot stomach the thought of my baby being so far away. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
our baby is 4 months old and my child’s father is planning on going to jamaica in may & wants to take our son without me. i am not comfortable with that at all & he’s saying how he has a right to take him because he’s his father etc… i understand he wants his family to see our baby and i’m willing to go as well so that our baby can meet his family. him and i are cordial even though we’re not in a relationship. this isn’t a case where i’m being bitter and petty. i simply cannot stomach the thought of my baby being so far away. aita? [/INST] nta. the fact that you’re willing to go, and he wants to leave the country alone with your child, is a huge red flag. do not allow him to go. go to court if you have to. do not give him access to your child’s passport (assuming the baby had one). </s>
|
AITA if I get upset over my Christmas gifts?
|
before i say anything, i want to make it clear that i have everything i need.
i have 3 siblings. my older sister had a ~$4,000 trip to africa completely paid off. my younger brother got a new phone, tickets to a post malone concert, and a bunch other gifts (clothes, games, etc). my youngest sister got several pairs of uggs, an ipad, and come clothes. i got 3 pairs of socks, and a box of ferrero rochers.
i believe my parents reasoning is that my oldest sister is in college, so she doesn’t have money for trips, my younger brother isn’t employed so he can’t buy himself nice things, and my youngest sister isn’t old enough to have a job.
i run a small business out of my room, (i’m 19) and i make a decent amount of money doing so. i’m able to buy things that i like, but rarely do as i would much rather put all of my money back into my business.
i don’t feel entitled to anything. i have all the material goods that i need, and realistically, i’m only upset because the entirety of my family received really nice things. i got socks, lol.
i never showed that i was upset, and i won’t. i don’t ask for anything for christmas, because i don’t want to feel like a burden to my parents. i just feel a bit down because it seems like they took time to buy nice things for everyone except myself, and nobody seems to think that’s a bit sucky.
if i’m being unreasonable or privileged, please let me know. happy holidays everyone.
| 340 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/efo998/aita_if_i_get_upset_over_my_christmas_gifts/
|
2019-12-26 00:36:04
|
nta why should you get so much less just because you have a job? doesn't seem fair to me.
|
nta.
to me it sounds like what hurts is not the amount of money that was spent but the actual thought and effort. it sucks to feel like you are less important. it’s not the stuff- it’s the meaning behind it.
|
your sister got a trip to africa and you got a box of ferrero rochers??? nta
|
nta. seems like your parents dont like you
|
unless you aren’t telling the whole truth, nta
their reasoning sounds logical. the others just can’t afford nice things. but that doesn’t mean just socks is great for christmas. they should have seen how unfair this appeared.
that said, if you don’t want anything, don’t need anything and buy whatever you want... what exactly were they supposed to get you?
|
nta no, this is really unfair. like you said, your parents seemed to have taken so much time getting your siblings nice things, but just because you have a job that means you don’t deserve nice things like that too?
|
so they think you have the money to buy your own phones and games and holidays, but you are unable to buy socks and chocolates, is that their reasoning?
|
[removed]
|
nta. i don't think you are acting entitled, i think you are hurt at being taken for granted.
i went through something similar with my father. he said i was,smart and would always be fine, didn't need help but that my sister had married an idiot and wasn't all that bright (which was bs) and thus needed his financial help.
that seems to be the reasoning here only your parents have taken it to extremes and i wonder wtf is wrong with them. their thinking is so off base, i doubt having a heart to heart about how they have hurt you would penetrate.
|
nta - you’re not being unreasonable at all and it is extremely unfair. the least they could have done is gotten you something that you have used for your business because you clearly care about it, and even if it wasn’t as financially big as a $4000 trip or a new iphone or ipad, it would have at least shown that they care about you and thought about what you might like. socks and chocolate just seem so impersonal and like it was an afterthought.
i know you said you weren’t going to say anything to your parents but i don’t think it would hurt to maybe make a group chat with just you and both parents and send them a text stating that you were a bit hurt that the best gifts that they could have thought of for you were socks and chocolate. that it’s not about the financial value but more of the sentiment of knowing that your parents care about you and pay attention to you, something more than just acknowledge your presence.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: before i say anything, i want to make it clear that i have everything i need. i have 3 siblings. my older sister had a ~$4,000 trip to africa completely paid off. my younger brother got a new phone, tickets to a post malone concert, and a bunch other gifts (clothes, games, etc). my youngest sister got several pairs of uggs, an ipad, and come clothes. i got 3 pairs of socks, and a box of ferrero rochers. i believe my parents reasoning is that my oldest sister is in college, so she doesn’t have money for trips, my younger brother isn’t employed so he can’t buy himself nice things, and my youngest sister isn’t old enough to have a job. i run a small business out of my room, (i’m 19) and i make a decent amount of money doing so. i’m able to buy things that i like, but rarely do as i would much rather put all of my money back into my business. i don’t feel entitled to anything. i have all the material goods that i need, and realistically, i’m only upset because the entirety of my family received really nice things. i got socks, lol. i never showed that i was upset, and i won’t. i don’t ask for anything for christmas, because i don’t want to feel like a burden to my parents. i just feel a bit down because it seems like they took time to buy nice things for everyone except myself, and nobody seems to think that’s a bit sucky. if i’m being unreasonable or privileged, please let me know. happy holidays everyone.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
before i say anything, i want to make it clear that i have everything i need. i have 3 siblings. my older sister had a ~$4,000 trip to africa completely paid off. my younger brother got a new phone, tickets to a post malone concert, and a bunch other gifts (clothes, games, etc). my youngest sister got several pairs of uggs, an ipad, and come clothes. i got 3 pairs of socks, and a box of ferrero rochers. i believe my parents reasoning is that my oldest sister is in college, so she doesn’t have money for trips, my younger brother isn’t employed so he can’t buy himself nice things, and my youngest sister isn’t old enough to have a job. i run a small business out of my room, (i’m 19) and i make a decent amount of money doing so. i’m able to buy things that i like, but rarely do as i would much rather put all of my money back into my business. i don’t feel entitled to anything. i have all the material goods that i need, and realistically, i’m only upset because the entirety of my family received really nice things. i got socks, lol. i never showed that i was upset, and i won’t. i don’t ask for anything for christmas, because i don’t want to feel like a burden to my parents. i just feel a bit down because it seems like they took time to buy nice things for everyone except myself, and nobody seems to think that’s a bit sucky. if i’m being unreasonable or privileged, please let me know. happy holidays everyone. [/INST] nta why should you get so much less just because you have a job? doesn't seem fair to me. </s>
|
Aita for being upset with my mom for telling my sick grandparents that they aren’t her real parents?
|
my(20f) mom(56f) recently took a dna test out of curiosity and it was traced back to a random man that lives in san francisco, where my mom was born. it basically said that this man was her biological father.
backstory: in the 60’s , my grandparents were both hippies and my grandmother ended up becoming pregnant very soon after she started dating my grandpa. my grandpa stepped up and married her and they’ve been very in love since. my grandpa is a great man and still loves my grandma like it was the first day they met. they have 4 daughters together. now they are about 80 years old and both very bad in health. my grandma is on an oxygen tank and she can’t get up without getting winded. my grandpa has had 2 strokes in the past year and has recently been diagnosed with depression .
so now after the dna test has shown my mom that her biological dad isn’t my grandpa, she reached out to the man and confirmed the relationship between him and my grandma. he basically said they were together right before she met my grandpa . my mom has went and told every single person in the family and basically everyone told her that she shouldn’t tell my grandparents because of their health. she agreed she wouldn’t say anything to them, but obviously she turned right around and did just that. she really stressed out my grandparents. now my grandpa feels like he was lied to and he started crying in front of me. my grandma is just really upset/embarrassed because the whole family knew something about her life before she even really knew it. she had really thought that my mom was my grandfathers baby. my mom is claiming that the man that raised her isn’t her real dad and now she’s seeking a relationship with this stranger because of their dna.
i’m really upset with my mom about how she’s handling it all and i expressed my opinion to her. she just thinks that i’m basically being a prude and that i was trying to force her to sweep all of the family secrets under the rug and hide it from others.
so reddit, aita?
| 207 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i4hg4j/aita_for_being_upset_with_my_mom_for_telling_my/
|
2020-08-06 00:31:11
|
nta- your mom sounds like a trash person. it takes more than dna to make a parent. that guy was a sperm donor not a dad. your grandparents should've never been informed of this and the fact that she went around and told everyone is disgusting.
|
nah - i don't think the family should have been pushing her to keep everything a secret when she clearly wasn't handling it well. better advice would have been to recommend therapy, it could have made the conversation a lot less traumatizing for everyone. great that you're handling it well but it wasn't a revelation that turned your life upside down so maybe have some more compassion for your mother. and push her to get into therapy if you can so she can mend bridges with the parents who raised her while there's still time.
|
[removed]
|
nah even if it caused distress, your mom has a right to her biological information. she isn't obligated to keep the secret about her own origin and she has the right to seek a relationship with the biological father. though, her calling her father not her father was rather cold, but emotions seem to be kinda rampant right now.
the details about what your grandparents knew but didn't know about the pregnancy are fuzzy. you said grandpa "stepped up and married [grandma]" which means he knew she was already pregnant, but paragraphs later you say your grandpa "feels like he was lied to" so... did he or didn't he know this wasn't his kid?
if there were doubts about paternity, that could have been addressed (later when the technology developed) or if it was definitely another man's child, they could have introduced that information to your mom at some point. i acknowledge that probably bucks the traditions they may have been raised in during their era though (shame, guilt, family values, etc).
your mom didn't handle things well, but she isn't an ah for not wanting to remain a family secret. she may feel betrayed. again, i'm not defending her stance about her grandfather, who raised and loves her as his own. just trying to contrast some sympathy. this kind of revelation is a huge shock.
|
nta. your mom is being cruel and completely ungrateful to the people that spent decades of their life raising her. her bs is the last thing they should have to deal with at the end of their lives, when they are already dealing with their own problems.
i mean her dad is *already* dealing with depression on top of serious medical issues. her mom is completely bedridden by the sound of things, and not in any condition to have to explain all this to her husband who would obviously be distraught upon hearing all this information.
having their whole lives pulled out from under them like this is the last thing they need. and make no mistake, your grandpa *is* her father. he is the man that spent decades of his life raising her, not her bio dad.
she is not ta for pursuing a relationship with her bio dad. she is ta for being cruel by essentially saying your grandfather's years of fathering her count for nothing. she is also ta because she went around telling the entire family *extremely* personal information about her parents' marriage before she even told them.
|
nta. your mom is. speaking as someone who was adopted, my mom and dad are the people that raised me. no, we don't share a drop of blood, but they were (they are now both deceased) my parents through and through.
yes, i always knew i was adopted. yes, i knew both my biological mother and father. i've spent considerable time with them while they were alive. but to me, my mom and dad were, again, the ones that raised me.
your mother's "dad" is the man that raised her.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NAH
| null |
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0.009798 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my(20f) mom(56f) recently took a dna test out of curiosity and it was traced back to a random man that lives in san francisco, where my mom was born. it basically said that this man was her biological father. backstory: in the 60’s , my grandparents were both hippies and my grandmother ended up becoming pregnant very soon after she started dating my grandpa. my grandpa stepped up and married her and they’ve been very in love since. my grandpa is a great man and still loves my grandma like it was the first day they met. they have 4 daughters together. now they are about 80 years old and both very bad in health. my grandma is on an oxygen tank and she can’t get up without getting winded. my grandpa has had 2 strokes in the past year and has recently been diagnosed with depression . so now after the dna test has shown my mom that her biological dad isn’t my grandpa, she reached out to the man and confirmed the relationship between him and my grandma. he basically said they were together right before she met my grandpa . my mom has went and told every single person in the family and basically everyone told her that she shouldn’t tell my grandparents because of their health. she agreed she wouldn’t say anything to them, but obviously she turned right around and did just that. she really stressed out my grandparents. now my grandpa feels like he was lied to and he started crying in front of me. my grandma is just really upset/embarrassed because the whole family knew something about her life before she even really knew it. she had really thought that my mom was my grandfathers baby. my mom is claiming that the man that raised her isn’t her real dad and now she’s seeking a relationship with this stranger because of their dna. i’m really upset with my mom about how she’s handling it all and i expressed my opinion to her. she just thinks that i’m basically being a prude and that i was trying to force her to sweep all of the family secrets under the rug and hide it from others. so reddit, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my(20f) mom(56f) recently took a dna test out of curiosity and it was traced back to a random man that lives in san francisco, where my mom was born. it basically said that this man was her biological father. backstory: in the 60’s , my grandparents were both hippies and my grandmother ended up becoming pregnant very soon after she started dating my grandpa. my grandpa stepped up and married her and they’ve been very in love since. my grandpa is a great man and still loves my grandma like it was the first day they met. they have 4 daughters together. now they are about 80 years old and both very bad in health. my grandma is on an oxygen tank and she can’t get up without getting winded. my grandpa has had 2 strokes in the past year and has recently been diagnosed with depression . so now after the dna test has shown my mom that her biological dad isn’t my grandpa, she reached out to the man and confirmed the relationship between him and my grandma. he basically said they were together right before she met my grandpa . my mom has went and told every single person in the family and basically everyone told her that she shouldn’t tell my grandparents because of their health. she agreed she wouldn’t say anything to them, but obviously she turned right around and did just that. she really stressed out my grandparents. now my grandpa feels like he was lied to and he started crying in front of me. my grandma is just really upset/embarrassed because the whole family knew something about her life before she even really knew it. she had really thought that my mom was my grandfathers baby. my mom is claiming that the man that raised her isn’t her real dad and now she’s seeking a relationship with this stranger because of their dna. i’m really upset with my mom about how she’s handling it all and i expressed my opinion to her. she just thinks that i’m basically being a prude and that i was trying to force her to sweep all of the family secrets under the rug and hide it from others. so reddit, aita? [/INST] nta- your mom sounds like a trash person. it takes more than dna to make a parent. that guy was a sperm donor not a dad. your grandparents should've never been informed of this and the fact that she went around and told everyone is disgusting. </s>
|
AITA for being disgusted with my wife and threatening a divorce because she won’t stop smoking weed?
|
i’ve been married to my wife for 2 years (dated for 5). she was always a casual smoker but i’ve seen her quit a few times throughout her relationship (for example, when she was applying to jobs) so i had no doubt that she could quit if she needed.
we’ve been trying to get pregnant for a year now and we just had our first positive pregnancy test 3 weeks ago. we have a discussion on what we were going to do (obviously weed was off the table); we decided we’re both going to take the opportunity to eat better as well as well as me taking up a bit more of the household chores as she focuses on herself.
well yesterday i came home early and i saw her clear as day vaping (weed) from our front porch. i got out my car and i asked her what the hell did she think she was doing. she told me not to talk to her like that and i tried to calm down and asked her why the hell was she using weed; that it’s horrendous for the baby, and she was supposed to quit weeks ago. she said she’s vaping so it’s “not that bad” and that she can do whatever she wants. i tried to calm down but at this point, i blasted her for being a huge hypocrite (small back story, but not even a month ago, she was making fun of her best friend behind her back because she was smoking cigarettes while pregnant) and said if she was having trouble quitting, we can see a therapist or something but she’s not going to sit here and continue to smoke without even *trying* to stop. she told me she has no intention of trying to quit so make of that as i will. i told her she had three options; get an abortion (i’m perfectly content with being childfree; she was the one who really wanted kids), stop smoking, or do neither in which case she does not respect me and we will be divorcing.
she got **really** pissed. she said i was acting like i controlling asshole and went inside and i told her i was disgusted at her for prioritizing weed over me and our baby. she said she’s been nauseous all week and is using weed to feel better and she thinks she’ll need her for the duration of her pregnancy because her mom had rough pregnancies. she’s also pissed that i threw divorce around “so flippantly” and she packed her bag and is currently staying with a friend. i’m still seething right now and needed to come see if i was in the wrong.
| 808 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bns4br/aita_for_being_disgusted_with_my_wife_and/
|
2019-05-12 18:17:23
|
nta. if she was genuinely experiencing side effects, she could come to you and you two could discuss options as a team. why is weed her first choice? why not schedule a doctor’s appointment and see what they think? as someone who smokes often, using weed while pregnant is **unacceptable**. i don’t think the divorce threat was too much, assuming you would’ve actually followed through.
|
nta, correct me if i'm wrong, but most hospitals do drug tests on newborns so if they find anything in their system they take them away. that just may be where i'm at though.
|
nta, if my wife was willing to smoke while having my kid that would be a deal breaker for me on the spot.
|
nta. it sounds like this is something you previously agreed on.
|
nta. not only is she risking the health of the child, she told you she would stop and now says she has no intention- she could have told you that in the first place instead of trying to hide it.
this sounds like a tough situation for everyone, including your unborn child.
|
nta. social worker here! if she smokes marijuana throughout her pregnancy and tests positive at birth, that’s an automatic cps call. if child tests positive as well, that’s an allegation of physical abuse (in my state at least) on top of an allegation for mom testing positive. the whole nauseous thing is real but it’s bullshit to smoke a drug to “fix” it. she’s harming that fetus with her drug use.
|
nta she should prioritize at very least the baby, or remove it from the equation.
|
nta [https://www.cdc.gov/marijuana/factsheets/pregnancy.htm](https://www.cdc.gov/marijuana/factsheets/pregnancy.htm) i love me my weed but its not good to be using it while pregnant it can cause learning disabilities in the child. she needs to put the child first
|
nta. don’t do drugs when you’re pregnant. full stop. and i say this as a chronic dope fiend.
|
info; have you guys talked to your doctor about options she has for treating nausea? i don't know very much about weed and pregnancy, what does your doctor think?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’ve been married to my wife for 2 years (dated for 5). she was always a casual smoker but i’ve seen her quit a few times throughout her relationship (for example, when she was applying to jobs) so i had no doubt that she could quit if she needed. we’ve been trying to get pregnant for a year now and we just had our first positive pregnancy test 3 weeks ago. we have a discussion on what we were going to do (obviously weed was off the table); we decided we’re both going to take the opportunity to eat better as well as well as me taking up a bit more of the household chores as she focuses on herself. well yesterday i came home early and i saw her clear as day vaping (weed) from our front porch. i got out my car and i asked her what the hell did she think she was doing. she told me not to talk to her like that and i tried to calm down and asked her why the hell was she using weed; that it’s horrendous for the baby, and she was supposed to quit weeks ago. she said she’s vaping so it’s “not that bad” and that she can do whatever she wants. i tried to calm down but at this point, i blasted her for being a huge hypocrite (small back story, but not even a month ago, she was making fun of her best friend behind her back because she was smoking cigarettes while pregnant) and said if she was having trouble quitting, we can see a therapist or something but she’s not going to sit here and continue to smoke without even *trying* to stop. she told me she has no intention of trying to quit so make of that as i will. i told her she had three options; get an abortion (i’m perfectly content with being childfree; she was the one who really wanted kids), stop smoking, or do neither in which case she does not respect me and we will be divorcing. she got **really** pissed. she said i was acting like i controlling asshole and went inside and i told her i was disgusted at her for prioritizing weed over me and our baby. she said she’s been nauseous all week and is using weed to feel better and she thinks she’ll need her for the duration of her pregnancy because her mom had rough pregnancies. she’s also pissed that i threw divorce around “so flippantly” and she packed her bag and is currently staying with a friend. i’m still seething right now and needed to come see if i was in the wrong.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’ve been married to my wife for 2 years (dated for 5). she was always a casual smoker but i’ve seen her quit a few times throughout her relationship (for example, when she was applying to jobs) so i had no doubt that she could quit if she needed. we’ve been trying to get pregnant for a year now and we just had our first positive pregnancy test 3 weeks ago. we have a discussion on what we were going to do (obviously weed was off the table); we decided we’re both going to take the opportunity to eat better as well as well as me taking up a bit more of the household chores as she focuses on herself. well yesterday i came home early and i saw her clear as day vaping (weed) from our front porch. i got out my car and i asked her what the hell did she think she was doing. she told me not to talk to her like that and i tried to calm down and asked her why the hell was she using weed; that it’s horrendous for the baby, and she was supposed to quit weeks ago. she said she’s vaping so it’s “not that bad” and that she can do whatever she wants. i tried to calm down but at this point, i blasted her for being a huge hypocrite (small back story, but not even a month ago, she was making fun of her best friend behind her back because she was smoking cigarettes while pregnant) and said if she was having trouble quitting, we can see a therapist or something but she’s not going to sit here and continue to smoke without even *trying* to stop. she told me she has no intention of trying to quit so make of that as i will. i told her she had three options; get an abortion (i’m perfectly content with being childfree; she was the one who really wanted kids), stop smoking, or do neither in which case she does not respect me and we will be divorcing. she got **really** pissed. she said i was acting like i controlling asshole and went inside and i told her i was disgusted at her for prioritizing weed over me and our baby. she said she’s been nauseous all week and is using weed to feel better and she thinks she’ll need her for the duration of her pregnancy because her mom had rough pregnancies. she’s also pissed that i threw divorce around “so flippantly” and she packed her bag and is currently staying with a friend. i’m still seething right now and needed to come see if i was in the wrong. [/INST] nta. if she was genuinely experiencing side effects, she could come to you and you two could discuss options as a team. why is weed her first choice? why not schedule a doctor’s appointment and see what they think? as someone who smokes often, using weed while pregnant is **unacceptable**. i don’t think the divorce threat was too much, assuming you would’ve actually followed through. </s>
|
AITA for hurting my mom?
|
i(25f) have a 4 year old son, max. i was not raised by my mom, but she was a big part of my life after the age of 13. she lost custody of me when i was a baby due to drugs and i was adopted and raised by my grandparents.
mt mom and i are decently close but i have had a problem with her ever since my son was born. he was in the nicu for a month and i look young so people, and doctors, thought i was max's sister and my mom was his mother. i was constantly having to fight with my mom about her overstepping such as talking over me to the doctors. ever since, it's been a power struggle over how i am raising max. she let's him get away with everything and will yell at me infant of max when i have to get on to him. we have talked about this many times.
everything came to a head a few days ago. mom was visiting with us and i had to keep getting on to max about throwing a ball in the house. finally he knocked over a lamp. i got up, took the ball away(again), and put him in time out.he started throwing a tantrum so i took him to his room and told him he was to stay in there until he calmed down and then we would talk.
my mom started on her usual getting angry with me for being too hard on her baby. i told her i wasn't discussing my son's punishment with her. she got angier and told me i was being a bad mom. i snapped on her and told her she didn't raise her kids so don't tell me how to raise mine, that parenting is easy when you aren't the one doing it. she started screaming that she was calling cps. i told her to get out of my house and to not come back.
since then, i have gotten calls from my grandparents and aunt saying i was cruel and i should have never said that to her. they are demanding i apologize. i'm starting to doubt myself and i know what i said was wrong but i was so angry with her.
aita?
| 1,560 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qx5jd8/aita_for_hurting_my_mom/
|
2021-11-19 02:03:01
|
nta - you are 100% right you do not need parenting advice from a woman who chose drugs over you and didn't raise her own children, who stomps your boundaries and who threatened child services when she didn't get her way. **\*never\*** let this woman in your house again. protect yourself and your son at all costs.
|
nta - she overstepped. you gave her ample warnings. she threatened to called cps beause you're daring to parent your own son.
there shouldn't have to be a power struggle with raising your son.
time to go lc/nc.
|
nta.
fuck her and the horse she rode in on. i think you had every right to stand your ground.
i find it pretty disgusting of her to call you a bad mother and threaten to call cps over your son getting a simple time out.
she is not your son's mother, you are.
grandma can either stay in her lane or get cut off.
|
nta.
your mother is a toxic individual and does not need to be any part of your or max’s lives. it’s time to cut her out.
|
nta. she’s being overbearing and can’t handle the truth about her behaviour.
|
nta.
she was out of line for repeatedly chastising you for your parenting (especially in front of your son) so it’s understandable that you snapped.
admittedly throwing her own bad parenting in her face wouldn’t have been your finest moment i’m sure but telling her to leave your home after she threatened to call cps was absolutely warranted.
i don’t see why you’d be expected to apologise here, she should. for so many things, not just for today’s episode.
|
nta and you are right. she didn't raise kids and she doesn't get to tell you how to parent.
|
nta it sounds like your mom is trying to get back what she missed out on with you by taking over and she should probably speak to a therapist about it. i would say "i know the truth hurts, and i'm sorry you felt like i hurt you, but you need to realize that this is my son, not yours. you cannot get back what you missed out on with me. right now i think we should spend time apart. please see a therapist about these issues, and when you have we can start visits again." of course word it the way you feel is right, just making a suggestion
|
nta she was majorly over stepping!
|
nta- even if you're mom was present your whole life, was the world's leader in child rearing and had a phd child psychology, had several best selling books on it she would still be the ah in this situation.
in your house if your child is not in any danger she doesn't get to tell you how to raise or punish your child.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(25f) have a 4 year old son, max. i was not raised by my mom, but she was a big part of my life after the age of 13. she lost custody of me when i was a baby due to drugs and i was adopted and raised by my grandparents. mt mom and i are decently close but i have had a problem with her ever since my son was born. he was in the nicu for a month and i look young so people, and doctors, thought i was max's sister and my mom was his mother. i was constantly having to fight with my mom about her overstepping such as talking over me to the doctors. ever since, it's been a power struggle over how i am raising max. she let's him get away with everything and will yell at me infant of max when i have to get on to him. we have talked about this many times. everything came to a head a few days ago. mom was visiting with us and i had to keep getting on to max about throwing a ball in the house. finally he knocked over a lamp. i got up, took the ball away(again), and put him in time out.he started throwing a tantrum so i took him to his room and told him he was to stay in there until he calmed down and then we would talk. my mom started on her usual getting angry with me for being too hard on her baby. i told her i wasn't discussing my son's punishment with her. she got angier and told me i was being a bad mom. i snapped on her and told her she didn't raise her kids so don't tell me how to raise mine, that parenting is easy when you aren't the one doing it. she started screaming that she was calling cps. i told her to get out of my house and to not come back. since then, i have gotten calls from my grandparents and aunt saying i was cruel and i should have never said that to her. they are demanding i apologize. i'm starting to doubt myself and i know what i said was wrong but i was so angry with her. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i(25f) have a 4 year old son, max. i was not raised by my mom, but she was a big part of my life after the age of 13. she lost custody of me when i was a baby due to drugs and i was adopted and raised by my grandparents. mt mom and i are decently close but i have had a problem with her ever since my son was born. he was in the nicu for a month and i look young so people, and doctors, thought i was max's sister and my mom was his mother. i was constantly having to fight with my mom about her overstepping such as talking over me to the doctors. ever since, it's been a power struggle over how i am raising max. she let's him get away with everything and will yell at me infant of max when i have to get on to him. we have talked about this many times. everything came to a head a few days ago. mom was visiting with us and i had to keep getting on to max about throwing a ball in the house. finally he knocked over a lamp. i got up, took the ball away(again), and put him in time out.he started throwing a tantrum so i took him to his room and told him he was to stay in there until he calmed down and then we would talk. my mom started on her usual getting angry with me for being too hard on her baby. i told her i wasn't discussing my son's punishment with her. she got angier and told me i was being a bad mom. i snapped on her and told her she didn't raise her kids so don't tell me how to raise mine, that parenting is easy when you aren't the one doing it. she started screaming that she was calling cps. i told her to get out of my house and to not come back. since then, i have gotten calls from my grandparents and aunt saying i was cruel and i should have never said that to her. they are demanding i apologize. i'm starting to doubt myself and i know what i said was wrong but i was so angry with her. aita? [/INST] nta - you are 100% right you do not need parenting advice from a woman who chose drugs over you and didn't raise her own children, who stomps your boundaries and who threatened child services when she didn't get her way. **\*never\*** let this woman in your house again. protect yourself and your son at all costs. </s>
|
AITA for taking my daughter to our apartment complexes pool?
|
i live in a high rise apartment building. the rent is a more than other 2 bedroom apartments in the area but it has a lot amenities. (24/7 concierge, gym, party room, movie room, pool etc). this is honestly why i chose this building. i have a 3 year old daughter and thought that this would be perfect because we live in toronto so it gets pretty cold outside so i thought the pool would be nice to have during the winter months and just to generally help her learn to swim.
we’ve been here 5 weeks and i’ve noticed that the other residents don’t really take advantage of these amenities. i work out 5x a week and have only seen someone else in the gym twice (our complex has 700+ units.). i figured it’s because most of the residents are pretty wealthy and go to the gym else’s as it’s a pretty well off neighbourhood.
twice a week (or whenever we need some physical activity) i’ll take my daughter to the pool and we’ll work on learning to swim. there’s also a sauna and a hot tub that is in the same area but separated by a glass wall and door. people definitely use those more often than the pool but it still isn’t really often in use.
i know that we can be loud in the pool so i try to only go during the day that way it doesn’t disrupt people after work who want to swim. for context my daughter is deaf, she wears a cochlear implant but the processor can’t be worn in the pool so i clap for my daughter to know where i am if i’m behind her. because she also can’t hear herself she doesn’t know when she’s being too loud and sometimes when she gets over excited she screams but i try to correct her.
so the today we were in the pool around noon and doing our normal practicing and she would jump in the pool and i’d catch her.
about 20 minutes in an older lady (probably 60s) came into the pool area from the hot tub and pretty much said « i’ve been trying all week to come here and relax and that’s pretty hard to do with kids screeching and splashing » and then she said we were essentially abusing our pool privileges and how she’d report us to management.
this really shocked me and i was taken aback so i wasn’t as assertive as i should have been and at first i thought she thought we weren’t residents. so i pretty much just stuttered over myself saying that we live here too and then quickly dried off and went back to our unit.
i don’t know if she actually reported us (i don’t even know how she’d know what unit were from). but i’ve been really angry thinking about it all day. i’m not sorry that i use the pool in the building that i live in and i refuse to apologize for my daughters disability. maybe i was inconsiderate so if i am but me in my place. but i am more angry than anything
| 286 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vwsqot/aita_for_taking_my_daughter_to_our_apartment/
|
2022-07-11 20:50:01
|
nta, you pay for the pool, too. if quiet was an issue for her, she could have politely asked how long you'd be and worked around it.
|
nta. you have just as much right to use the pool as anyone else there, and it's a pool not a library... kids are going to be kids and splash and yell.
|
nta
kids get loud in pools, l have never seen a group of kids in a pool calmly swimming laps in silence. with your daughters age and disability there is really no way for her to understand the issue, in a couple more years it may get easier. must be tough as a parent, that lady really shouldn’t have been giving you a hard time.
|
nta. it's a pool, not a library. people have no reasonable expectation of peace at a pool unless that pool is at a retirement center where no one has a relationship with their grandkids.
|
nta, and actually, report her. give a detailed description to the desk that your deaf toddler was harassed by this woman, and that you do not appreciate being treated poorly and discriminated against in your own home.
that mean lady was out of line.
i say this as a resident of a building with a pool i never use because it’s filled w kids. i don’t go yell at them or their parents, because they also have the same right to use the pool that i do, and i can either put up or shut up.
|
nta. you paid for the amenities do they expect you to just not use it?
sidenote as another toronto apartment dweller, rent is going insane nowadays so i would absolutely get every dollar out of all the amenities i paid for
|
nta
like you said, your daughter has special needs. people who assume things end up making an ass out of themselves like this woman. if she were told your daughter couldn't hear herself i'm sure she'd be embarrassed at least internally. some people are just miserable, selfish, dislike kids, and like to complain. this isn't an adult only pool and her special need of having a quiet place to swim isn't more important than your daughter's needs of being able to swim. you have a right to be upset with that lady. the way she said it wasn't appropriate either. i'm sure the manager will be on your side, i can't imagine them telling you you can't come.
|
absolutely nta you pay for the pool, just like her. if she wants quiet she can go back to her apartment and sit in her tub.
|
nta you're not abusing the pool, you're using the pool
i don't know why anyone would assume that a communal pool area would be relaxing in the middle of the day, you and your daughter have the right to be in there and making a reasonable amount of noise
|
nta. grandma can wear ear plugs if she doesn't like noise.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i live in a high rise apartment building. the rent is a more than other 2 bedroom apartments in the area but it has a lot amenities. (24/7 concierge, gym, party room, movie room, pool etc). this is honestly why i chose this building. i have a 3 year old daughter and thought that this would be perfect because we live in toronto so it gets pretty cold outside so i thought the pool would be nice to have during the winter months and just to generally help her learn to swim. we’ve been here 5 weeks and i’ve noticed that the other residents don’t really take advantage of these amenities. i work out 5x a week and have only seen someone else in the gym twice (our complex has 700+ units.). i figured it’s because most of the residents are pretty wealthy and go to the gym else’s as it’s a pretty well off neighbourhood. twice a week (or whenever we need some physical activity) i’ll take my daughter to the pool and we’ll work on learning to swim. there’s also a sauna and a hot tub that is in the same area but separated by a glass wall and door. people definitely use those more often than the pool but it still isn’t really often in use. i know that we can be loud in the pool so i try to only go during the day that way it doesn’t disrupt people after work who want to swim. for context my daughter is deaf, she wears a cochlear implant but the processor can’t be worn in the pool so i clap for my daughter to know where i am if i’m behind her. because she also can’t hear herself she doesn’t know when she’s being too loud and sometimes when she gets over excited she screams but i try to correct her. so the today we were in the pool around noon and doing our normal practicing and she would jump in the pool and i’d catch her. about 20 minutes in an older lady (probably 60s) came into the pool area from the hot tub and pretty much said « i’ve been trying all week to come here and relax and that’s pretty hard to do with kids screeching and splashing » and then she said we were essentially abusing our pool privileges and how she’d report us to management. this really shocked me and i was taken aback so i wasn’t as assertive as i should have been and at first i thought she thought we weren’t residents. so i pretty much just stuttered over myself saying that we live here too and then quickly dried off and went back to our unit. i don’t know if she actually reported us (i don’t even know how she’d know what unit were from). but i’ve been really angry thinking about it all day. i’m not sorry that i use the pool in the building that i live in and i refuse to apologize for my daughters disability. maybe i was inconsiderate so if i am but me in my place. but i am more angry than anything
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i live in a high rise apartment building. the rent is a more than other 2 bedroom apartments in the area but it has a lot amenities. (24/7 concierge, gym, party room, movie room, pool etc). this is honestly why i chose this building. i have a 3 year old daughter and thought that this would be perfect because we live in toronto so it gets pretty cold outside so i thought the pool would be nice to have during the winter months and just to generally help her learn to swim. we’ve been here 5 weeks and i’ve noticed that the other residents don’t really take advantage of these amenities. i work out 5x a week and have only seen someone else in the gym twice (our complex has 700+ units.). i figured it’s because most of the residents are pretty wealthy and go to the gym else’s as it’s a pretty well off neighbourhood. twice a week (or whenever we need some physical activity) i’ll take my daughter to the pool and we’ll work on learning to swim. there’s also a sauna and a hot tub that is in the same area but separated by a glass wall and door. people definitely use those more often than the pool but it still isn’t really often in use. i know that we can be loud in the pool so i try to only go during the day that way it doesn’t disrupt people after work who want to swim. for context my daughter is deaf, she wears a cochlear implant but the processor can’t be worn in the pool so i clap for my daughter to know where i am if i’m behind her. because she also can’t hear herself she doesn’t know when she’s being too loud and sometimes when she gets over excited she screams but i try to correct her. so the today we were in the pool around noon and doing our normal practicing and she would jump in the pool and i’d catch her. about 20 minutes in an older lady (probably 60s) came into the pool area from the hot tub and pretty much said « i’ve been trying all week to come here and relax and that’s pretty hard to do with kids screeching and splashing » and then she said we were essentially abusing our pool privileges and how she’d report us to management. this really shocked me and i was taken aback so i wasn’t as assertive as i should have been and at first i thought she thought we weren’t residents. so i pretty much just stuttered over myself saying that we live here too and then quickly dried off and went back to our unit. i don’t know if she actually reported us (i don’t even know how she’d know what unit were from). but i’ve been really angry thinking about it all day. i’m not sorry that i use the pool in the building that i live in and i refuse to apologize for my daughters disability. maybe i was inconsiderate so if i am but me in my place. but i am more angry than anything [/INST] nta, you pay for the pool, too. if quiet was an issue for her, she could have politely asked how long you'd be and worked around it. </s>
|
AITA for telling my mother that she and her stepgrandchildren are not part of my family and are not owed money?
|
my mother had me with a sperm donor. he was someone she knew who was willing to let her have a child to raise herself. when i was 12 mom met her husband. her husband had a 17 year old daughter at the time. her husband and his daughter were dicks and mom threw me in at the deep end and she thought i'd see this dude as my dad because i never had one before. even at 12 i knew a guy who commented on how i didn't smile like a girl should and who commented on my weird interests for a girl was never going to be worthy of being called my parent, let alone my dad. his daughter taunted me for having no dad and for not being cute enough when my donor didn't fall in love with me and decide to be my dad. i asked her if she understood what a sperm donor was. she told me someone who makes freaks.
when i was 16 her husband's daughter moved back in with her boyfriend and their kids. i was then forced to babysit after school and sometimes on the weekends because they either couldn't be bothered or nobody wanted to pay. i did the bare minimum of babysitting and i did not grow attached to those children in the twoish years i babysat them. i wanted nothing to do with babysitting them but figured i could at least game when home with them rather than being grounded.
i moved out and cut my mom off because she chose a husband who was a dick to me and kept me around him and his daughter who was also a dick to me.
i have nothing to do with any of them.
a few months ago my sperm donor died and i learned he left all his assets to me. it was a lot of money and a house that i sold, which got me a lot of money. my mom learned about this via mutual friends and she reached out and told me how much they have struggled financially since their house burned down two years ago (i had heard about that at the time) and how her step grandkids are looking at a really bad christmas and how great it would be if i, as their aunt, her daughter and part of the family bought gifts for the kids. i told her she and her stepgrandkids are not my family and were not owed any money from me and that i would like it if she did not make me change another number (she called me on a business number i have). she asked me how i could be so cold and even if i resent her, how could i say that about the niece and nephew i spent every day with for two years and who looked up to and adored me.
aita?
| 4,330 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zh0de9/aita_for_telling_my_mother_that_she_and_her/
|
2022-12-09 15:35:57
|
nta and of course you don't owe them anything.
if she ever contacts you again ask her why she never stood up for you when you was bullied by her husband's daughter.
|
nta. you were clear that your step family abused you psychologically and that your biological mother never protected or supported you. i can see why you'd feel absolutely zero connections and even less responsibility for them.
on another note: i hope that your sperm donor left a note or something to help you understand why he didn't so much as ever reach out to you.
|
nta
she asked how you could be so cold?
easy, she allowed her child to be abused and used by people she chose to allow into your life. she chose them over you.
you are more than right to stay nc with them. try just blocking her number on your business phone, as it sucks to have to try to change those. move on, and enjoy your inheritance...yourself.
|
nta
now i wonder if sperm donor had wanted to be in your life, at least a little, and mom refused. it's just quite odd for someone who genuinely felt no attachment to you to leave such a substantial inheritance.
i'm sorry your childhood ended up as it did. enjoy your inheritance.
|
nta. you're an adult now and have the right to distance yourself from those who wrong you. blood doesn't earn someone the right to abuse you or subject you to abuse.
|
en even nicer is if th n't made your childhota. it sht thmas. what woem christ uld've beey hadnod misure would be nice if you bougerable.
|
nta
it seemed your mother only reach out to you after knowing that you inherited some money. that alone makes her the a-hole and not you.
she failed you as a parent. she neglected you as a child. you were right cutting her off your life and all the horrible people she surrounded herself with. i feel bad for the kids as they are kids but they are pretty much strangers to you at this point.
|
nta, just keep a record of all interactions and block her when she becomes aggressive or file a restraining order.
i mean you can forgive her for choosing the family she did, but never forget. she has her family and they can help each other out.
|
nta
wow, i'm sorry to hear about this upbringing and how you were treated by your mother, her husband, and his daughter. you do not owe them anything. it seems that they are coming back around not because they care about you or your life, but because they want something from you.
it is not your responsibility to finance the christmas of the children of a person that terrorized you and never apologized (i assume none of them ever apologized and tried to make amends with you).
|
nta - isn't it amazing how people who treat you the worst suddenly become such devoted family members when they want your money? i'm very glad your dad remembered you and left you a legacy and i hope you made solid arrangements with it for your future. one hint: if you haven't yet, please get a will written immediately. if you don't your mom may qualify as next of kin and be able to take it all if anything happens to you. build your own future and family of choice and have a great life!!
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mother had me with a sperm donor. he was someone she knew who was willing to let her have a child to raise herself. when i was 12 mom met her husband. her husband had a 17 year old daughter at the time. her husband and his daughter were dicks and mom threw me in at the deep end and she thought i'd see this dude as my dad because i never had one before. even at 12 i knew a guy who commented on how i didn't smile like a girl should and who commented on my weird interests for a girl was never going to be worthy of being called my parent, let alone my dad. his daughter taunted me for having no dad and for not being cute enough when my donor didn't fall in love with me and decide to be my dad. i asked her if she understood what a sperm donor was. she told me someone who makes freaks. when i was 16 her husband's daughter moved back in with her boyfriend and their kids. i was then forced to babysit after school and sometimes on the weekends because they either couldn't be bothered or nobody wanted to pay. i did the bare minimum of babysitting and i did not grow attached to those children in the twoish years i babysat them. i wanted nothing to do with babysitting them but figured i could at least game when home with them rather than being grounded. i moved out and cut my mom off because she chose a husband who was a dick to me and kept me around him and his daughter who was also a dick to me. i have nothing to do with any of them. a few months ago my sperm donor died and i learned he left all his assets to me. it was a lot of money and a house that i sold, which got me a lot of money. my mom learned about this via mutual friends and she reached out and told me how much they have struggled financially since their house burned down two years ago (i had heard about that at the time) and how her step grandkids are looking at a really bad christmas and how great it would be if i, as their aunt, her daughter and part of the family bought gifts for the kids. i told her she and her stepgrandkids are not my family and were not owed any money from me and that i would like it if she did not make me change another number (she called me on a business number i have). she asked me how i could be so cold and even if i resent her, how could i say that about the niece and nephew i spent every day with for two years and who looked up to and adored me. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my mother had me with a sperm donor. he was someone she knew who was willing to let her have a child to raise herself. when i was 12 mom met her husband. her husband had a 17 year old daughter at the time. her husband and his daughter were dicks and mom threw me in at the deep end and she thought i'd see this dude as my dad because i never had one before. even at 12 i knew a guy who commented on how i didn't smile like a girl should and who commented on my weird interests for a girl was never going to be worthy of being called my parent, let alone my dad. his daughter taunted me for having no dad and for not being cute enough when my donor didn't fall in love with me and decide to be my dad. i asked her if she understood what a sperm donor was. she told me someone who makes freaks. when i was 16 her husband's daughter moved back in with her boyfriend and their kids. i was then forced to babysit after school and sometimes on the weekends because they either couldn't be bothered or nobody wanted to pay. i did the bare minimum of babysitting and i did not grow attached to those children in the twoish years i babysat them. i wanted nothing to do with babysitting them but figured i could at least game when home with them rather than being grounded. i moved out and cut my mom off because she chose a husband who was a dick to me and kept me around him and his daughter who was also a dick to me. i have nothing to do with any of them. a few months ago my sperm donor died and i learned he left all his assets to me. it was a lot of money and a house that i sold, which got me a lot of money. my mom learned about this via mutual friends and she reached out and told me how much they have struggled financially since their house burned down two years ago (i had heard about that at the time) and how her step grandkids are looking at a really bad christmas and how great it would be if i, as their aunt, her daughter and part of the family bought gifts for the kids. i told her she and her stepgrandkids are not my family and were not owed any money from me and that i would like it if she did not make me change another number (she called me on a business number i have). she asked me how i could be so cold and even if i resent her, how could i say that about the niece and nephew i spent every day with for two years and who looked up to and adored me. aita? [/INST] nta and of course you don't owe them anything. if she ever contacts you again ask her why she never stood up for you when you was bullied by her husband's daughter. </s>
|
AITA for relapsing back into anorexia because my coworker had a miscarriage?
| 1,731 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g5fsyl/aita_for_relapsing_back_into_anorexia_because_my/
|
2020-04-21 14:04:45
|
nta--who thinks they get a four month monopoly on suffering in a hospital in the middle of a pandemic? she's delusional.
|
nta
hannah is both wrong **and** a verbally-abusive asshole.
**wrong:** nobody gets a monopoly on grief. not right now. i understand her grief over a miscarriage but she doesn't get to use it against other people like it's the fucking grief olympics. your problems are valid too and i hope you get the help you need, and some actual friends you can confide in.
if hannah was just wrong, and a little stressed, i can see her friends' arguments. however, hannah took it way too far and showed her true (vile) character.
**verbally-abusive asshole:** too much to list here. you don't "choose" eating disorders and she should know this as a healthcare professional -- she said it on purpose to fuck with you. calling you a disgrace, accusing you of malicious motives for sharing your problems -- this is all textbook manipulation. she treated you like shit and she deserves everything she got for it.
if she treats other coworkers like this, hr probably already had a file on her. you didn't do this, op -- she did it to herself.
|
nta.
just because hannah's pain was huge doesn't mean others aren't allowed to go through their own hardships. it doesn't mean yours is not important. she berated you and your illness. she made you feel like you were doing it to steal her "limelight". then she called you a disgrace as a nurse which is disgusting. you worked your *ass* off to get to where you are.
i get that hannah is in a lot of pain with what happened but her reaction was over the top.
|
nta. the title is just a little misleading. you didn’t relapse because of your coworker. you relapsed due to an increased workload that then affected your eating times. that coworker does not get to tell you that you are not allowed to suffer a mental health condition.
|
nta
you have suffered from anorexia way before she was pregnant, and i am pretty sure she wouldn't enjoy if you told her something like "you have no right to feel bad right now, i have been struggling with this for years and now that you had a miscarriage everyone's attention will go to you, you are an ah, it wasn't you the one that died get over it"
no matter how much you suffer that doesn't entitle you to be like that to others around you, and you didn't just decide to suffer an ed, just like many people don't chose to have depression and anxiety
your feelings aren't less than hers and she went the extra mile to insult you
"how dare you suffer while i am doing so" that's simoly entitled mentality she needs to get her stuff together
|
nta. you have an illness that is potentially dangerous and you are allowed to talk about it. the ah in this story is clearly your coworker. her pain, extreme as it may be, is in no way an excuse for the way she treated you. especially since you trusted her so much that you opened up to her. she doesnt deserve that trust. she is not entitled to any/all the sympathy of your other coworkers!
it is good that you reported her, behaviour like this is inexcusable in the work place, especially in crisis like this!
p.s.: thank you for service in the health care system, especially now. you have my outmost respect! get well soon and stay safe!
|
she sounds like a self important arsehole. yes it’s terrible what happened to her but i’m more judging this on her reaction. the way she reacted to you telling her about your current situation was absolute bang out of order. look at it this way. if she didn’t do anything wrong she wouldn’t have been suspended.
nta
|
nta
that was not fair for her to say.
of course she is hurting, thats understandable, but it doesn't mean that you cant hurt too.
i wish you the best and send you a lot of cheer and the best wishes from germany!
|
i am seriously concerned about a nurse who believes anyone could have chosen an illness. who else does she think has chosen illness? what if that view affects her behaviour towards patients?
nta
|
nta. i had my third miscarriage earlier this year, and i bring that up because that experience doesn't invalidate your current suffering. take care.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta--who thinks they get a four month monopoly on suffering in a hospital in the middle of a pandemic? she's delusional. </s>
|
|
AITA for expecting my friend to pay to get my car professionally cleaned?
|
i (f21) have a friend gemma (f21).
three days ago, gemma, another friend and i went out shopping in my car. we went through the mcdonald's drive thru before i dropped gemma and my other friend off home.
well, when i got home i noticed a weird smell in my car. i investigated the back seats (where gemma was sat) and found spilled milkshake all over the seats and floor.
i tried to salvage my car and soak up the milkshake with more paper towels than panic buyers in 2020 would buy, but a lot of it had already soaked into the seats and floor. i've tried to wash it out myself but nothing is doing the trick.
it smells absolutely disgusting and i know my only option is to get it professionally cleaned.
i'm really angry at gemma for not even telling me that she spilled her drink.
i text gemma a photo of it, and she responded with a laughing emoji and said she's "soooo clumsy". i told gemma that it's not funny and that my car smells like death. she said "it'll be fine". i told her that it's not fine and asked her to pay to get my car cleaned.
gemma told me i'm being ridiculous and told me to go suck an egg.
i talked to my other friends and showed them the car. they agree that gemma's response was childish but told me i'm being unreasonable for expecting her to pay to get it cleaned.
aita?
| 1,743 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xc74eg/aita_for_expecting_my_friend_to_pay_to_get_my_car/
|
2022-09-12 08:17:58
|
nta, but give her an (inevitably fruitless) attempt to come over and clean it up herself. she will fail. then you can say, "see, i told you, this is going to need to get detailed," and if she's a sane person worth keeping around, she will understand.
|
i am just wondering how it is possible to not notice a whole milkshake spilled over the seat and floor?
anyway your friend was very childish. and whatever you are gonna do, the friendship is over. your friend just does not care a little bit about you or the car...
accidents can happen, but if she was honest about it from the start there wouldn't have been such a problem.
nta.
|
nta.... seriously nta
but she won't pay obviously she has little care about it.....may i suggest
go to any box box store get baking soda and in pet area get stain remover ( i recommend resolve pet it has a built in brush on end) spray scrub scrub spray scrub let it sit a couple hours as is then sprinkle baking soda liberally over the area let sit, i always let it sit overnight. vacuum up..... the stain remover breaks down the enzyme and baking soda sucks up the smell...always worked with milk and sippy cups in cars lol ( mom hack)
good luck
|
nta. that's an expensive way to learn that gemma isn't a friend. you are not being unreasonable - she was unreasonable not to say anything and depriving you of the opportunity to clean it up (and for not offering to help clean it up).
|
nta....if gemma wants to act childish resort to her behavior and tell her parents
|
nta. she made a mess in your car that she didn't have the courtesy to clean or to tell you about. worse it was with a product that smells foul if left in the open for to long
|
nta, what random idiots are you friends with?
milkshakes are absolutely disgusting when spilled and the stench is dry heaving inducing once they seep in and dry up, ofc you should expect her to pay for a professional deep cleaning especially because she didn't have the spine to tell you straight away, which could have avoided the need for it in the first place. this is 100% on her. not only did she spill it, but she kept it secret so now you can't salvage it.
|
nta
not only does she not want to pay to clean up a mess that she made she also made a mess without telling you or owning up to it. she’s not a good friend in this instance and i don’t know how she is about her own home life but if she does that i would never wanna live with her or be around her! that is trifling she didn’t even try to clean it up is what gets me!
|
nta u shouldnt call these people ur friends. if they feel so bad for poor gemma for having to pay for a professional cleaning bc oh shes s clumsy they should contribute
|
[removed]
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f21) have a friend gemma (f21). three days ago, gemma, another friend and i went out shopping in my car. we went through the mcdonald's drive thru before i dropped gemma and my other friend off home. well, when i got home i noticed a weird smell in my car. i investigated the back seats (where gemma was sat) and found spilled milkshake all over the seats and floor. i tried to salvage my car and soak up the milkshake with more paper towels than panic buyers in 2020 would buy, but a lot of it had already soaked into the seats and floor. i've tried to wash it out myself but nothing is doing the trick. it smells absolutely disgusting and i know my only option is to get it professionally cleaned. i'm really angry at gemma for not even telling me that she spilled her drink. i text gemma a photo of it, and she responded with a laughing emoji and said she's "soooo clumsy". i told gemma that it's not funny and that my car smells like death. she said "it'll be fine". i told her that it's not fine and asked her to pay to get my car cleaned. gemma told me i'm being ridiculous and told me to go suck an egg. i talked to my other friends and showed them the car. they agree that gemma's response was childish but told me i'm being unreasonable for expecting her to pay to get it cleaned. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (f21) have a friend gemma (f21). three days ago, gemma, another friend and i went out shopping in my car. we went through the mcdonald's drive thru before i dropped gemma and my other friend off home. well, when i got home i noticed a weird smell in my car. i investigated the back seats (where gemma was sat) and found spilled milkshake all over the seats and floor. i tried to salvage my car and soak up the milkshake with more paper towels than panic buyers in 2020 would buy, but a lot of it had already soaked into the seats and floor. i've tried to wash it out myself but nothing is doing the trick. it smells absolutely disgusting and i know my only option is to get it professionally cleaned. i'm really angry at gemma for not even telling me that she spilled her drink. i text gemma a photo of it, and she responded with a laughing emoji and said she's "soooo clumsy". i told gemma that it's not funny and that my car smells like death. she said "it'll be fine". i told her that it's not fine and asked her to pay to get my car cleaned. gemma told me i'm being ridiculous and told me to go suck an egg. i talked to my other friends and showed them the car. they agree that gemma's response was childish but told me i'm being unreasonable for expecting her to pay to get it cleaned. aita? [/INST] nta, but give her an (inevitably fruitless) attempt to come over and clean it up herself. she will fail. then you can say, "see, i told you, this is going to need to get detailed," and if she's a sane person worth keeping around, she will understand. </s>
|
AITA for calling my brother an “insecure, testicle grabbing, chauvinist man-baby” over his comments about my wife’s makeup?
|
that’s the actual quote. i’m still pissed as hell but maybe i went too far here.
my brother and i are both late 30s. we get along fine most of the time, but my brother doesn’t do well in a lot of social situations. he says things that are inappropriate, gets overly opinionated, yells a lot etc. he just doesn’t seem to understand tact or when to let things go in a casual conversation.
our wives are best friends. they talk almost everyday on facetime.
my wife is an ex model/actress (local) and very good with makeup. she’s in her mid 30’s, we have 3 kids and she doesn’t wear much makeup anymore - but she got some as a gift for christmas and decided she wanted to get more. apparently she’s been buying cheap stuff and she wanted to splurge on some good shit.
anyway, she’s been testing it all out over the last month, buying more here and there and doing these crazy eyeshadow things - honestly i don’t know what i’m talking about. she looks great all the time. she’s gorgeous without makeup. she’s really talented with it though and she’s having a lot of fun. i tease her a little since she works from home and she’s wearing pajamas but her makeup looks like she’s at a nightclub. i think it’s cute and funny.
my brother thinks she’s doing it because she’s cheating or she wants to cheat. he called me this morning to say he’s concerned because he’s seen her on facetime and he’s decided she must be posting pictures or sending pics to some dude or multiple dudes. i tried to blow it off and explain that it wasn’t that way, but he got more aggressive about it so i ended up yelling at him and shouting the insecure testicle man baby thing.
he’s being ridiculous and needs to mind his own business. but i think i might be the asshole for blowing up and name calling when he’s probably well intentioned.
i want to add too (my mom and brother both asked, maybe other people will): no, i haven’t asked my wife why she’s recently starting wearing more makeup and i’m not going to because i think asking is fucking rude.
she’s spending her money on stuff for her face and it’s a creative hobby. i’m not going to be the dick that ruins someone’s creative outlet by asking them to justify it or by insinuating there’s a sinister motive behind it. it makes her happy so i assume that’s why she’s doing it. asking why is dumb and insulting in my opinion.
| 30,971 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l05log/aita_for_calling_my_brother_an_insecure_testicle/
|
2021-01-18 22:33:24
|
nta
when i wear makeup, i do it *for me*. no my husband or any other man. me. many women are the same way. your brother jumping to "she wants to cheat because she is wearing makeup again" is absolute misogynistic garbage and he needed a dressing down.
you sound great and seem to really love and appreciate your wife as well as understand what being supportive means. keep it up.
|
nta. your wife has a creative hobby she's enjoying. we're all just trying to survive this godawful pandemic...
|
nta it sounds like you truly love your wife and you appreciate her. make-up absolutely does not indicate she's cheating. it's probably an indication of boredom
|
i think you may have been a little sensitive to your brothers comments, but i do commend you for standing up for your wife. is there any possibility your brother may be on the autistic spectrum? i only ask as you said
>my brother doesn’t do well in a lot of social situations. he says things that are inappropriate, gets overly opinionated, yells a lot etc. he just doesn’t seem to understand tact or when to let things go in a casual conversation.
i'm no expert by any means, but this does remind me a little of my child.
.
|
nta. you’re a good person. i would guess your brother was well-intentioned, but for the wrong reasons. and maybe this name-calling didn’t quite convey to him _why_ what he was saying was wrong. you may need to have a calm heart-to-heart about him minding his own business once you have cooled down about it.
|
nta
that's just accurate. he absolutely is a misogynist with weirdo hangups.
|
just wanna say i love your attitude. reading your responses to comments saying how you know she does it for herself and not other people makes me so happy because so many men don’t seem to understand that. your brother is an asshole. and you’re a wonderful person :)
nta
|
nta at all, and good for you supporting your wife's hobby. we're all going a little nuts thanks to the current state of the world, so if this gives her something to do then... good for her. your brother is an asshole.
|
nta
i rarely wear makeup cause i’m a lazy pile of trash. however, for nye i went full glam (or at least what qualifies as full glam for _me_) for our zoom party. and you bet i wore sweatpants and my comfy crocs. but it was so nice to feel beautiful and bring back a little normalcy to life. and my boyfriend loved how i looked and gave me tons of compliments, but he knew it wasn’t for him. it was for me. him liking it is just a happy bonus in my opinion!!
especially after your comment of her doing a drag king with glitter beard look, uh, she’s definitely doing this for fun and to stay sane!! unless she’s ‘cheating’ with a secret lady lover who is into glitter beards? 😂
|
nta. i will be using this exact quotation on the next person that chews me out for the way i do my makeup and the stuff i buy.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: that’s the actual quote. i’m still pissed as hell but maybe i went too far here. my brother and i are both late 30s. we get along fine most of the time, but my brother doesn’t do well in a lot of social situations. he says things that are inappropriate, gets overly opinionated, yells a lot etc. he just doesn’t seem to understand tact or when to let things go in a casual conversation. our wives are best friends. they talk almost everyday on facetime. my wife is an ex model/actress (local) and very good with makeup. she’s in her mid 30’s, we have 3 kids and she doesn’t wear much makeup anymore - but she got some as a gift for christmas and decided she wanted to get more. apparently she’s been buying cheap stuff and she wanted to splurge on some good shit. anyway, she’s been testing it all out over the last month, buying more here and there and doing these crazy eyeshadow things - honestly i don’t know what i’m talking about. she looks great all the time. she’s gorgeous without makeup. she’s really talented with it though and she’s having a lot of fun. i tease her a little since she works from home and she’s wearing pajamas but her makeup looks like she’s at a nightclub. i think it’s cute and funny. my brother thinks she’s doing it because she’s cheating or she wants to cheat. he called me this morning to say he’s concerned because he’s seen her on facetime and he’s decided she must be posting pictures or sending pics to some dude or multiple dudes. i tried to blow it off and explain that it wasn’t that way, but he got more aggressive about it so i ended up yelling at him and shouting the insecure testicle man baby thing. he’s being ridiculous and needs to mind his own business. but i think i might be the asshole for blowing up and name calling when he’s probably well intentioned. i want to add too (my mom and brother both asked, maybe other people will): no, i haven’t asked my wife why she’s recently starting wearing more makeup and i’m not going to because i think asking is fucking rude. she’s spending her money on stuff for her face and it’s a creative hobby. i’m not going to be the dick that ruins someone’s creative outlet by asking them to justify it or by insinuating there’s a sinister motive behind it. it makes her happy so i assume that’s why she’s doing it. asking why is dumb and insulting in my opinion.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
that’s the actual quote. i’m still pissed as hell but maybe i went too far here. my brother and i are both late 30s. we get along fine most of the time, but my brother doesn’t do well in a lot of social situations. he says things that are inappropriate, gets overly opinionated, yells a lot etc. he just doesn’t seem to understand tact or when to let things go in a casual conversation. our wives are best friends. they talk almost everyday on facetime. my wife is an ex model/actress (local) and very good with makeup. she’s in her mid 30’s, we have 3 kids and she doesn’t wear much makeup anymore - but she got some as a gift for christmas and decided she wanted to get more. apparently she’s been buying cheap stuff and she wanted to splurge on some good shit. anyway, she’s been testing it all out over the last month, buying more here and there and doing these crazy eyeshadow things - honestly i don’t know what i’m talking about. she looks great all the time. she’s gorgeous without makeup. she’s really talented with it though and she’s having a lot of fun. i tease her a little since she works from home and she’s wearing pajamas but her makeup looks like she’s at a nightclub. i think it’s cute and funny. my brother thinks she’s doing it because she’s cheating or she wants to cheat. he called me this morning to say he’s concerned because he’s seen her on facetime and he’s decided she must be posting pictures or sending pics to some dude or multiple dudes. i tried to blow it off and explain that it wasn’t that way, but he got more aggressive about it so i ended up yelling at him and shouting the insecure testicle man baby thing. he’s being ridiculous and needs to mind his own business. but i think i might be the asshole for blowing up and name calling when he’s probably well intentioned. i want to add too (my mom and brother both asked, maybe other people will): no, i haven’t asked my wife why she’s recently starting wearing more makeup and i’m not going to because i think asking is fucking rude. she’s spending her money on stuff for her face and it’s a creative hobby. i’m not going to be the dick that ruins someone’s creative outlet by asking them to justify it or by insinuating there’s a sinister motive behind it. it makes her happy so i assume that’s why she’s doing it. asking why is dumb and insulting in my opinion. [/INST] nta when i wear makeup, i do it *for me*. no my husband or any other man. me. many women are the same way. your brother jumping to "she wants to cheat because she is wearing makeup again" is absolute misogynistic garbage and he needed a dressing down. you sound great and seem to really love and appreciate your wife as well as understand what being supportive means. keep it up. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to be the head of my family?
|
i know the title is weird but hear me out. i am the 4th of my moms 5 children, but i am her oldest daughter our ages are (32m, 30m, 28m, 19f (me) and 12f). my mom is a great mom and an amazing person, but sometimes her old southern ways of thinking clash with my own opinions. my mom was raised that the women in the family are essentially supposed to handle everyone's business and the men of the family are supposed to do whatever they want. my brothers are extremely capable men and have no problem doing things on their own, but more often than not if they so much as hint that they need help with something my mom will either do it herself or default the task to me. for instance my mom makes me keep a record of all my brothers passwords, id numbers, social security cards etc... in case i ever have to fill out any paperwork for them or they forget these things themselves. i've told her many times that my brothers are grown men and i, their significantly younger sister, should not be in charge of handling their lives. i'm also the first of my mothers kids to go to college and i work but she still tries to make me prioritize my brothers needs over mine. my brothers aren't supportive of the situation, but they dont hate it either. a lot of the time i feel like a personal assistant rather than a younger sibling. it's so bad that a running joke is im the only responsible sibling when the truth is im just the only one who's been trained to take care of things, and they all joke that when our mom gets older then all the responsibilities will fully fall on me. i've known how to pay bills, cook, clean, and do laundry from about age 9 when most of my brothers didnt know how to do half those things until their late teens. like i said they're all very capable men now and for the most part are completely independent it's really only our mom pushing for me to take on all these responsibilities. so reddit aita?
side note: sorry for any spelling or grammar issues this is my first post ever and i can't really see any issues on my phone screen.
| 200 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gk9ioi/aita_for_not_wanting_to_be_the_head_of_my_family/
|
2020-05-15 13:54:01
|
nta for not wanting to baby these adult men but ywbta if you continue to enable this infantilizing behaviour.
stop babying them and stop helping your mother baby them. 32, 30 and 28 year old men should be able to take care of themselves - so let them. if something goes wrong then let them solve the problem. it will be a good learning experience for everyone.
|
nta. i would move out and let the grown ass men be grown ass men and handle their own lives. this is baffling. if your mom chooses to live her life that way, that's her choice. it's not right for her to force that on you. if you don't take control now, your brothers will walk on you your whole life.
|
nta
if your mom wants those things done "for the boys", she can do them. hand the reins back to mom and tell her that you're done taking care of grown adult men.
|
[deleted]
|
nta. this is so ridiculous. this is not being helpful or kind or anything. it's enabling and pointless. your brothers aren't disabled and despite what you're saying that they are completely independent and it's really only your mom pushing this, if they're allowing your mother to make you be their pa, then no, they aren't completely independent. they should be the ones saying "no thanks mom, don't bother op, i'll take care of that myself." in the meantime, just push back and say "no, i won't be doing that for you. do it yourself." if the light bill doesn't get paid, that's on them, not you.
|
nta- you shouldn't be expected to basically baby full grown adults, regardless of their gender. i suggest you put your foot down and hold a family meeting telling them that you will no longer be facilitating this arrangement and if they don't like it, they can pound sand.
|
nta. if push back as much as possible now, knowing that once you're out of the house you're done with this
|
nta
next time your mom tells you to do something for your brother, maybe tell your brother that (1) you can’t do it for him and (2) to stop getting your mother involved in this way.
or whatever you’re most comfortable with. but this is neither normal nor okay.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i know the title is weird but hear me out. i am the 4th of my moms 5 children, but i am her oldest daughter our ages are (32m, 30m, 28m, 19f (me) and 12f). my mom is a great mom and an amazing person, but sometimes her old southern ways of thinking clash with my own opinions. my mom was raised that the women in the family are essentially supposed to handle everyone's business and the men of the family are supposed to do whatever they want. my brothers are extremely capable men and have no problem doing things on their own, but more often than not if they so much as hint that they need help with something my mom will either do it herself or default the task to me. for instance my mom makes me keep a record of all my brothers passwords, id numbers, social security cards etc... in case i ever have to fill out any paperwork for them or they forget these things themselves. i've told her many times that my brothers are grown men and i, their significantly younger sister, should not be in charge of handling their lives. i'm also the first of my mothers kids to go to college and i work but she still tries to make me prioritize my brothers needs over mine. my brothers aren't supportive of the situation, but they dont hate it either. a lot of the time i feel like a personal assistant rather than a younger sibling. it's so bad that a running joke is im the only responsible sibling when the truth is im just the only one who's been trained to take care of things, and they all joke that when our mom gets older then all the responsibilities will fully fall on me. i've known how to pay bills, cook, clean, and do laundry from about age 9 when most of my brothers didnt know how to do half those things until their late teens. like i said they're all very capable men now and for the most part are completely independent it's really only our mom pushing for me to take on all these responsibilities. so reddit aita? side note: sorry for any spelling or grammar issues this is my first post ever and i can't really see any issues on my phone screen.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i know the title is weird but hear me out. i am the 4th of my moms 5 children, but i am her oldest daughter our ages are (32m, 30m, 28m, 19f (me) and 12f). my mom is a great mom and an amazing person, but sometimes her old southern ways of thinking clash with my own opinions. my mom was raised that the women in the family are essentially supposed to handle everyone's business and the men of the family are supposed to do whatever they want. my brothers are extremely capable men and have no problem doing things on their own, but more often than not if they so much as hint that they need help with something my mom will either do it herself or default the task to me. for instance my mom makes me keep a record of all my brothers passwords, id numbers, social security cards etc... in case i ever have to fill out any paperwork for them or they forget these things themselves. i've told her many times that my brothers are grown men and i, their significantly younger sister, should not be in charge of handling their lives. i'm also the first of my mothers kids to go to college and i work but she still tries to make me prioritize my brothers needs over mine. my brothers aren't supportive of the situation, but they dont hate it either. a lot of the time i feel like a personal assistant rather than a younger sibling. it's so bad that a running joke is im the only responsible sibling when the truth is im just the only one who's been trained to take care of things, and they all joke that when our mom gets older then all the responsibilities will fully fall on me. i've known how to pay bills, cook, clean, and do laundry from about age 9 when most of my brothers didnt know how to do half those things until their late teens. like i said they're all very capable men now and for the most part are completely independent it's really only our mom pushing for me to take on all these responsibilities. so reddit aita? side note: sorry for any spelling or grammar issues this is my first post ever and i can't really see any issues on my phone screen. [/INST] nta for not wanting to baby these adult men but ywbta if you continue to enable this infantilizing behaviour. stop babying them and stop helping your mother baby them. 32, 30 and 28 year old men should be able to take care of themselves - so let them. if something goes wrong then let them solve the problem. it will be a good learning experience for everyone. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to change my hair for my sister's wedding after getting it dyed?
|
okay, so around late 2020 - early 2021, my older sister got engaged. she asked me to be a bridesmaid, and i said yes. wasn't till late 2021 i found out when the wedding is and what colour dress i was wearing. now that is the only thing my sister has ever said to me regarding her wedding.
now i have this thing where i dye my hair every 6 - 12 months. usually, i would dye my hair anywhere from bright red to crimson red until 2 days ago. i went to the hairdresser to get my hair trimmed and dyed as my hair was looking horrible. instead of going dark red, i decided to get my hair dyed magenta which is a purplish red to pinkish red. my hair had naturally gone quite light, so it looked more pinkish than purplish red. i video-called my sister to show her my hair, and she started blowing up at me cause it came out bright, and she thought it would be brighter than my dress on her wedding day. when i mentioned that i had purchased a special shampoo that would darken my hair to look more purplish red and she again went off at me cause her dress was going to be purple. she started saying that the bridal party's hair had to be all-natural, which was the first time she brought it up, and that i should have checked with her first about dying my hair. i stopped her there and said she hadn't mentioned anything about me having to have natural hair and that i don't need to get approval from my sister about my hair choice. she then went on about how her fiance's side of the family will whisper in her ear that i was trying to upstage her on her day for having bright hair, and i drew the line there. i told her that she should know i would never upstage her and that i don't give a damn what her in-laws have to think about as they don't know me. i said that if she is worried about them saying i am upstaging her, then she must think i will try and upstage her. before she hung up on me, i stated i wouldn't be changing my hair, and she then proceeded to kick me out of her bridal party. half an hour later, i was on the phone with my mother as my sister had called her to complain. my mum isn't taking either side and just said to give it a few days and talk to each other about it.
my partner doesn't think i am in the wrong, but i do wonder aita for refusing to change my hair.
&#x200b;
| 318 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xa24hg/aita_for_refusing_to_change_my_hair_for_my/
|
2022-09-09 17:59:46
|
nta. save us all from brides afraid of being "upstaged" at an event that is completely centered on them and the groom. you can't make her take you back as a bridesmaid and i don't think she should dictate what your hair color is.
i suggest saying no more, go to the wedding as a guest, and enjoy the fact that she can't try to boss you around because you're no longer playing a rigged game. who knows what other silly demands she might make because it's "her day"?
|
obviously nta.
you should not have to ask someone to change your own hair color. imo, your sister is being a huge brat. i literally have no idea why she’d care about people talking shit over her own sister’s feelings. you also told her it wouldn’t be as vibrant later on and she’s not even listening. maybe her kicking you out of the bridal party wouldn’t be such a bad thing if this is how she truly feels? do you even want to be her bridesmaid if she’s this disrespectful to you?
|
nta.
i'm sorry you're going through this op, your sister sounds like a bridezilla and it's not reasonable to ask someone to change their hair colour for a wedding. i think you're better off not being in her bridal party.
|
nta she had plenty of time to ask you nicely to have a natural hair color for the wedding, but she didn't. how could you have known?
sidebar: i see so many posts here about "upstaging" the bride at a wedding. that's just not a thing. people are there to see the bride and groom, and anyone with an ounce of maturity won't really give a shit what anyone else looks like as long as they aren't disrespectfully underdressed.
|
nta, sounds like you've been playing with your hair colour for years now and bright colour is "who you are".
if who you are isn't good enough for the wedding party...so be it. you just saved yourself a lot of fuss and expense by getting "demoted". run with it!
|
nta. this kind of thing pisses me off so much. if the offer to be a bridesmaid was conditional she should have said so. you’re a person, not a prop.
imo, let her kick you out of the wedding party and just go as a guest. she’s probably hoping you’ll be devastated by not being in the party and give in to her demands. it says way more about her that she’s concerned with the gossip from other people and not having her sister (as she is) by her side.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay, so around late 2020 - early 2021, my older sister got engaged. she asked me to be a bridesmaid, and i said yes. wasn't till late 2021 i found out when the wedding is and what colour dress i was wearing. now that is the only thing my sister has ever said to me regarding her wedding. now i have this thing where i dye my hair every 6 - 12 months. usually, i would dye my hair anywhere from bright red to crimson red until 2 days ago. i went to the hairdresser to get my hair trimmed and dyed as my hair was looking horrible. instead of going dark red, i decided to get my hair dyed magenta which is a purplish red to pinkish red. my hair had naturally gone quite light, so it looked more pinkish than purplish red. i video-called my sister to show her my hair, and she started blowing up at me cause it came out bright, and she thought it would be brighter than my dress on her wedding day. when i mentioned that i had purchased a special shampoo that would darken my hair to look more purplish red and she again went off at me cause her dress was going to be purple. she started saying that the bridal party's hair had to be all-natural, which was the first time she brought it up, and that i should have checked with her first about dying my hair. i stopped her there and said she hadn't mentioned anything about me having to have natural hair and that i don't need to get approval from my sister about my hair choice. she then went on about how her fiance's side of the family will whisper in her ear that i was trying to upstage her on her day for having bright hair, and i drew the line there. i told her that she should know i would never upstage her and that i don't give a damn what her in-laws have to think about as they don't know me. i said that if she is worried about them saying i am upstaging her, then she must think i will try and upstage her. before she hung up on me, i stated i wouldn't be changing my hair, and she then proceeded to kick me out of her bridal party. half an hour later, i was on the phone with my mother as my sister had called her to complain. my mum isn't taking either side and just said to give it a few days and talk to each other about it. my partner doesn't think i am in the wrong, but i do wonder aita for refusing to change my hair. &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay, so around late 2020 - early 2021, my older sister got engaged. she asked me to be a bridesmaid, and i said yes. wasn't till late 2021 i found out when the wedding is and what colour dress i was wearing. now that is the only thing my sister has ever said to me regarding her wedding. now i have this thing where i dye my hair every 6 - 12 months. usually, i would dye my hair anywhere from bright red to crimson red until 2 days ago. i went to the hairdresser to get my hair trimmed and dyed as my hair was looking horrible. instead of going dark red, i decided to get my hair dyed magenta which is a purplish red to pinkish red. my hair had naturally gone quite light, so it looked more pinkish than purplish red. i video-called my sister to show her my hair, and she started blowing up at me cause it came out bright, and she thought it would be brighter than my dress on her wedding day. when i mentioned that i had purchased a special shampoo that would darken my hair to look more purplish red and she again went off at me cause her dress was going to be purple. she started saying that the bridal party's hair had to be all-natural, which was the first time she brought it up, and that i should have checked with her first about dying my hair. i stopped her there and said she hadn't mentioned anything about me having to have natural hair and that i don't need to get approval from my sister about my hair choice. she then went on about how her fiance's side of the family will whisper in her ear that i was trying to upstage her on her day for having bright hair, and i drew the line there. i told her that she should know i would never upstage her and that i don't give a damn what her in-laws have to think about as they don't know me. i said that if she is worried about them saying i am upstaging her, then she must think i will try and upstage her. before she hung up on me, i stated i wouldn't be changing my hair, and she then proceeded to kick me out of her bridal party. half an hour later, i was on the phone with my mother as my sister had called her to complain. my mum isn't taking either side and just said to give it a few days and talk to each other about it. my partner doesn't think i am in the wrong, but i do wonder aita for refusing to change my hair. &#x200b; [/INST] nta. save us all from brides afraid of being "upstaged" at an event that is completely centered on them and the groom. you can't make her take you back as a bridesmaid and i don't think she should dictate what your hair color is. i suggest saying no more, go to the wedding as a guest, and enjoy the fact that she can't try to boss you around because you're no longer playing a rigged game. who knows what other silly demands she might make because it's "her day"? </s>
|
AITA for inviting my girlfriend to mother's day dinner?
|
for mothers day, i am planning to take my mother out to dinner with my family. my father told me not to invite my girlfriend because she isn't one of my mother's children.
my girlfriend is an orphan and doesn't have her own family to celebrate with. she is close to my family and always comes on special occasions.
i told my father it isn't his decision and booked a table with a seat for my girlfriend as well. he told me i was a prick and disrespectful to him and my mother for inviting someone outside of the family to a special family-only occasion.
am i the asshole here?
| 477 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n6si58/aita_for_inviting_my_girlfriend_to_mothers_day/
|
2021-05-07 06:58:09
|
nta, and i have some choice words regarding your father. i take it your mother likes your girlfriend? after all, it's your mother's opinion that counts for this, not that of the guy she married. he can always sit this one out. you might want to not include the girlfriend for father's day, though, as forewarning.
|
nta - geez, how can your dad not want a possible future daughter-in-law to join in? you could uninvite him and say it’s a kids and mom only meal, see how he feels being excluded.
|
nta - your dad sounds like an asshole though.
|
nta - your dad is the ah here. your girlfriend is family.
|
info: what does your mum say about it?
|
ntnta. dont peopke usually celebrate it with both families if theyre dating? thats how everyone i know does it.
|
i'm going to take a guess that the reason your parents divorced is due to unreasonable and controlling behaviour on the part of your dad. might be wrong but that's the impression i get here.
if so.. your dad is trying once again to control the situation and have everything his own way.
you've said in comments that your mum loves your gf and has said she's always welcome.. therefore, nta
|
nta and you've said elsewhere that your parents are divorced so his opinion on what she wants double doesn't matter and he should be the one not invited as he's not her family and they clearly at one point decided they just weren't eachother's biggest fans anymore
|
nta
> she isn’t one of my mother’s children
disinvite him on the grounds that he is not your mother’s child.
|
nta - if you’ve arranged it and are paying for it you get to decide the nature of the event!
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for mothers day, i am planning to take my mother out to dinner with my family. my father told me not to invite my girlfriend because she isn't one of my mother's children. my girlfriend is an orphan and doesn't have her own family to celebrate with. she is close to my family and always comes on special occasions. i told my father it isn't his decision and booked a table with a seat for my girlfriend as well. he told me i was a prick and disrespectful to him and my mother for inviting someone outside of the family to a special family-only occasion. am i the asshole here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for mothers day, i am planning to take my mother out to dinner with my family. my father told me not to invite my girlfriend because she isn't one of my mother's children. my girlfriend is an orphan and doesn't have her own family to celebrate with. she is close to my family and always comes on special occasions. i told my father it isn't his decision and booked a table with a seat for my girlfriend as well. he told me i was a prick and disrespectful to him and my mother for inviting someone outside of the family to a special family-only occasion. am i the asshole here? [/INST] nta, and i have some choice words regarding your father. i take it your mother likes your girlfriend? after all, it's your mother's opinion that counts for this, not that of the guy she married. he can always sit this one out. you might want to not include the girlfriend for father's day, though, as forewarning. </s>
|
AITA for not letting my depressed sister move in with me(
|
i live in [big city west coast] and my sister lives in [rural town 1500 miles away midwest]. she visited me and my husband and loved it here, the ocean especially, and kept making comments about moving out here someday and finally living in a place where she can "be herself." she's 25 and hates living rent-free with my mom. since she's moved in with just my mom, she's been pretty depressed. mom obviously has rules at her place and sister feels limited. my sister works but doesn't make enough money for the cost of living out here west coast.
anyway, she flies back home and my mom immediately calls me and tells me to let my sister move in with us because it would be much better for her out here. that she would get to "find herself" and be happier. it feels like my mom thinks moving out here is a magical cure all for my sister's lack of direction in life and mental health. my mom and my sister fight a lot since my step-dad died and i think my mom is just tired of my sister living with her in her space and breaking her rules.
also, my husband and i are boring older-20s people. all we do is each other. my sister is single and beautiful and so loves to go out to bars till dawn, constant tinder dates, and such. normal stuff. she came out here and immediately wanted to go partying and bar hopping. i'm happy she has all of that energy but i don't at all. our lifestyles clash and i couldn't sleep well knowing she's out wandering around the much more dangerous (if cooler) city that i live in. i have to be up really early for work and it's not my place to watch my sister. but as an older sibling, i would naturally feel concerned. small town girl thrown into a big violent city and i just couldn't be like "well, whatever" about it.
also we get along so well because we live so far apart. i feel like living together would just be awkward. my husband and i are really close and you can't be as intimate casually when your sister is staying with you.
but mostly i feel like they are using my husband. before he got this really amazing job and relocated us from rural town to the city, my mom and my sister used to make snide, rude comments about him. pretty borderline racist because he has a different ethnic background than us (asian and we are white). now that he has a great paying job and connections out here, they magically respect him and i can't help but feel like they are using us. i do forgive them for all of that though as that happened in the past.
but at the same time my sister would definitely be much happier staying with me. she could be herself and this city fits her lifestyle much better. and i do have an extra room in my little way-to-expensive town house.
aita for saying no even if it would help my sister's mental health a lot to move away from my mom?
| 343 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/crqfql/aita_for_not_letting_my_depressed_sister_move_in/
|
2019-08-17 19:06:31
|
nta. she’s 25. she needs to get a job and save up enough money to move out there and set herself up with a roomie situation and have an emergency fund, and find a job. if she has no money and no job you’re never going to get rid of her
|
nta
don't do it! that is all.
|
nta. you need to look out for your own mental health. it leaves a really bad taste in my mouth that they're only now being respectful of your husband, and only because he's in now a position they can use to their advantage. which likely means they're only being respectful of him to your face, their private opinions are probably the same as they've always been.
you are not your sister's keeper. it would be long term detrimental to your relationship if you felt like you had to put your life on hold to take care of her mental health. she has a roof over her head and her basic needs are being met, so imo you can say no with no guilt.
|
nah. **you are under no obligation to provide for another's wellbeing.**
your sister's basic survival needs are being met. if they weren't - say your sister was homeless - i might have a harsher judgment. take care of you and yours, and worry about everyone else as your resources dictate.
|
nta - it’s your house, and couch surfers are notoriously hard to get rid of. why do you think your mom is trying to offload your sister on you? it’s the only way to get her out
what you should do is offer to let her visit while she’s looking at *jobs* and *apartments*, and tell her how you’d love for her to live *nearby*, but not in your house. any such visits should have a very clear time limit, and you should ask her to send her flight details in advance (tell her it’s so you can plan for the visit, but it’s also really so you can make sure it’s not a one-way flight). also make sure she has actual job interviews or at least scheduled networking meetings lined up before she comes
the reality of what rent costs, and her ability to afford it, should either inspire her to get her act together or decide to stay somewhere more affordable
|
nta
i know it's really hard when you are being pressured by people you love. you have several good reasons to say no.
but in reality, you don't need *any* reason to say no to someone moving in with you.
|
nta. you can offer her a place to sleep while she looks at her own apartments and searches for roommates and give her guidance about what to look for/avoid. there are also plenty of beautiful, cheaper coastal towns she can look at! why would you allow someone who's made racist comments about your ~husband~ to live with you? if i were your husband, i would feel like you are prioritizing your sister's happiness over mine and the marriage.
|
nah.
short answer: don't let her move in without a serious discussion and written agrrement on rent.
if you do, you'll never get her out, she'll claim tenant's rights in a few months and you'll be fucked.
long answer: don't want to be the bad guy? don't say 'no.' just make it very, very hard for her to meet your conditions.
oh, x and i talked about it and this is what we'd be comfortable with for you to live with us: $x amount of money for rent and utilities. you're getting the family discount sister! a room where we live would really be like 7k a month, but for you we'll make it 2.5k. plus the utilities would be an additional $500. we don't want to have problems with the food situation so you can be responsible for your own groceries (read: no access to free food). we're a married couple who have been used to living by ourselves for a while (hint hint) so we ask that you'd keep your overnight guest stays to once a week. also, we suggest you bring your own car so you can get around easily since public traspo sucks around here. finally, for everyone's peace of mind and so you know you're protected, we'll sign a 6 month contract and then go month-to-month. 30 day notification to vacate on both sides so we all have ample time to get used to any changes that could arise.
pad the numbers as much as you'd like.
|
nta. your mom called and *told you* to let her move in--that's not cool. asking your thoughts about a temporary timed-out stay of x months would be one thing. but she can't insist that you do this at all.
your sister doesn't appear to be pushing, so she's not an asshole for liking your city or having a different lifestyle than you. she could "find herself" by living in *any* city that's away from your mom with a roommate (or several). you say she's depressed but also that she's fun-loving and social so maybe living with other people her age is exactly what she needs.
the racist shit about your husband is of course reason enough to say no to doing either of them favors. but you can also just say no because you don't feel like living with her and that doesn't make you an asshole. this isn't really an emergency. it's not like she lost her house in a hurricane.
|
if sister did tele-interviews, got herself a job, had a plan to stay with you for 2 months (while agreeing live with you as distuptively/helpfully as possible) and then had an exit plan to be out on her own, that would be one thing.
this is not what they're saying. they're suggesting that you're responsible for your adult sister's happiness and well being by funding her food/home/party lifestyle for...literally ever. forever. let that sink in. in some places, sister living with you means you can't evict her without a legal process if things go badly. do you want stranger guys in your home overnights? do you want to get calls to pick sister up at 3 am, or otherwise help her out of jams? if you take responsibility for her, caring for her will become a big part of your planning and life. this is hard on a marriage when it's your own child, much less when it's someone you don't *actually have responsibility to parent* or provide for.
mom is in that situation and she's trying to shove it on you. mom needs to pull up her big-girl pants and set boundaries, but that's not on you. nta
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.002 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i live in [big city west coast] and my sister lives in [rural town 1500 miles away midwest]. she visited me and my husband and loved it here, the ocean especially, and kept making comments about moving out here someday and finally living in a place where she can "be herself." she's 25 and hates living rent-free with my mom. since she's moved in with just my mom, she's been pretty depressed. mom obviously has rules at her place and sister feels limited. my sister works but doesn't make enough money for the cost of living out here west coast. anyway, she flies back home and my mom immediately calls me and tells me to let my sister move in with us because it would be much better for her out here. that she would get to "find herself" and be happier. it feels like my mom thinks moving out here is a magical cure all for my sister's lack of direction in life and mental health. my mom and my sister fight a lot since my step-dad died and i think my mom is just tired of my sister living with her in her space and breaking her rules. also, my husband and i are boring older-20s people. all we do is each other. my sister is single and beautiful and so loves to go out to bars till dawn, constant tinder dates, and such. normal stuff. she came out here and immediately wanted to go partying and bar hopping. i'm happy she has all of that energy but i don't at all. our lifestyles clash and i couldn't sleep well knowing she's out wandering around the much more dangerous (if cooler) city that i live in. i have to be up really early for work and it's not my place to watch my sister. but as an older sibling, i would naturally feel concerned. small town girl thrown into a big violent city and i just couldn't be like "well, whatever" about it. also we get along so well because we live so far apart. i feel like living together would just be awkward. my husband and i are really close and you can't be as intimate casually when your sister is staying with you. but mostly i feel like they are using my husband. before he got this really amazing job and relocated us from rural town to the city, my mom and my sister used to make snide, rude comments about him. pretty borderline racist because he has a different ethnic background than us (asian and we are white). now that he has a great paying job and connections out here, they magically respect him and i can't help but feel like they are using us. i do forgive them for all of that though as that happened in the past. but at the same time my sister would definitely be much happier staying with me. she could be herself and this city fits her lifestyle much better. and i do have an extra room in my little way-to-expensive town house. aita for saying no even if it would help my sister's mental health a lot to move away from my mom?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i live in [big city west coast] and my sister lives in [rural town 1500 miles away midwest]. she visited me and my husband and loved it here, the ocean especially, and kept making comments about moving out here someday and finally living in a place where she can "be herself." she's 25 and hates living rent-free with my mom. since she's moved in with just my mom, she's been pretty depressed. mom obviously has rules at her place and sister feels limited. my sister works but doesn't make enough money for the cost of living out here west coast. anyway, she flies back home and my mom immediately calls me and tells me to let my sister move in with us because it would be much better for her out here. that she would get to "find herself" and be happier. it feels like my mom thinks moving out here is a magical cure all for my sister's lack of direction in life and mental health. my mom and my sister fight a lot since my step-dad died and i think my mom is just tired of my sister living with her in her space and breaking her rules. also, my husband and i are boring older-20s people. all we do is each other. my sister is single and beautiful and so loves to go out to bars till dawn, constant tinder dates, and such. normal stuff. she came out here and immediately wanted to go partying and bar hopping. i'm happy she has all of that energy but i don't at all. our lifestyles clash and i couldn't sleep well knowing she's out wandering around the much more dangerous (if cooler) city that i live in. i have to be up really early for work and it's not my place to watch my sister. but as an older sibling, i would naturally feel concerned. small town girl thrown into a big violent city and i just couldn't be like "well, whatever" about it. also we get along so well because we live so far apart. i feel like living together would just be awkward. my husband and i are really close and you can't be as intimate casually when your sister is staying with you. but mostly i feel like they are using my husband. before he got this really amazing job and relocated us from rural town to the city, my mom and my sister used to make snide, rude comments about him. pretty borderline racist because he has a different ethnic background than us (asian and we are white). now that he has a great paying job and connections out here, they magically respect him and i can't help but feel like they are using us. i do forgive them for all of that though as that happened in the past. but at the same time my sister would definitely be much happier staying with me. she could be herself and this city fits her lifestyle much better. and i do have an extra room in my little way-to-expensive town house. aita for saying no even if it would help my sister's mental health a lot to move away from my mom? [/INST] nta. she’s 25. she needs to get a job and save up enough money to move out there and set herself up with a roomie situation and have an emergency fund, and find a job. if she has no money and no job you’re never going to get rid of her </s>
|
AITA for telling my neighbor no?
|
my husband (20m) & i (20f) live next to another couple in their early 20s who just recently had a baby. we’ve lived next to them for the past six months and at first we were neighborly with them. about a month of being neighborly with them, they started asking us for favors every two weeks, and when we could we gladly obliged and helped them if we had the time. the favors ranged from taking them to the grocery store or dropping my pregnant neighbor off at her doctor appointments, because they don’t have a car. however, the week after her son was born it’s like she was demanding a favor every day, and again of course if i had the time i would happily oblige. i will admit i was getting frustrated because i have a life, a husband, a job, and i’m also currently in school. about a month ago, i was up to my witts end with the favor demanding it seemed like i was taking care of their three month old infant more than they were but i didn’t want to say anything to keep the peace. i tried to ignore her phone calls and text messages when i was busy at home but my neighbor just started knocking at my door if i didn’t answer in a 10 minute time frame. then my husband and i took a month long vacation to our home town because we had a death in the family. mid way through our vacation, my neighbor messages me asking when i’m going to be back to take her and her son to their weekly doctors appointments, and since they hadn’t been to their weekly doctors appointment in two weeks child protective services got involved. insinuating as if it was my fault, that’s when i completely lost it, i messaged her telling her if child protective services are involved it’s because she lacks good parental skills, i also went on with telling her that they had nine months to prepare for their baby, to get their finances in order, to save for a vehicle etc. i got so heated and reminded her that this was her baby that she birthed and taking care of him is not my responsibility, and she can’t dump her infant on me whenever she wants to go out and do something. my husband says i was a little too harsh in expressing myself, and i could of been nicer about it. my neighbors husband has asked me to apologize, but i don’t think i did anything wrong in telling her the truth. i will admit i messaged her this in a fit of rage but i felt as if all of this was building up in me for the past months. i feel like i finally set my boundaries with my neighbors and i personally don’t think i did anything wrong. so am i the asshole for finally standing up to my neighbor?
| 591 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xq2dr0/aita_for_telling_my_neighbor_no/
|
2022-09-28 04:11:28
|
nta, you have been a great neighbour so far but there’s a limit, yes maybe you went strong but clearly they weren’t getting the hints and you needed to be blunt. her implying your inability to take them to doctors meant child services got involved was the start of a slippery slope to guilt tripping blackmail, good for you, you nipped it in the bud- nta
|
nta. to insulate that it is your fault they couldn’t make it to their baby’s doctors appointments and that cps got involved, is outrageous. being used as their personal and free uber or baby sitter is not neighborly.
|
generally nta. you did put yourself in that position by holding off on drawing boundaries for too long. next time set them earlier and you can maintain tact and neighborhood peace.
|
nta, don't apologize and hold your boundaries as you please.
|
nta
she saw someone kind she could take advantage of and latched on to suck you dry. her tears are crocodile tears and apologizing will ensure she ramps it up again.
|
nta.
i would stop all favors this point forward. be polite and courteous nothing more.
i’m busy, i have work, my husband and i have plans or just straight up i will no longer do favors because of your entitlement.
|
nta! your neighbors are so lucky that you and your husband helped them as long as you both did; they should be grateful! it made my blood boil when you were on vacation and they blamed you that cps got involved, the entitlement. however, i must say, the fact that you both didn’t set boundaries early on has enabled them to be the way they are with you, still not your fault though. i hope they don’t bother you anymore and i hope that their baby is healthy and doing well.
|
nta. a favour is something you do once in a while and it's not something to be expected. it's definitely not your fault that they cannot handle parenthood. asking for help once in a while is one thing, but demanding it and also trying to blame cps checks on you is another whole ball game. you said what you had to say, done and dusted. if you want to keep the peace, say that you cannot be at their beck and call since you have a life, but in case of emergency, you're there for them. normal grocery shopping and scheduled doctor's appointments aren't emergencies, for the record.
|
[deleted]
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband (20m) & i (20f) live next to another couple in their early 20s who just recently had a baby. we’ve lived next to them for the past six months and at first we were neighborly with them. about a month of being neighborly with them, they started asking us for favors every two weeks, and when we could we gladly obliged and helped them if we had the time. the favors ranged from taking them to the grocery store or dropping my pregnant neighbor off at her doctor appointments, because they don’t have a car. however, the week after her son was born it’s like she was demanding a favor every day, and again of course if i had the time i would happily oblige. i will admit i was getting frustrated because i have a life, a husband, a job, and i’m also currently in school. about a month ago, i was up to my witts end with the favor demanding it seemed like i was taking care of their three month old infant more than they were but i didn’t want to say anything to keep the peace. i tried to ignore her phone calls and text messages when i was busy at home but my neighbor just started knocking at my door if i didn’t answer in a 10 minute time frame. then my husband and i took a month long vacation to our home town because we had a death in the family. mid way through our vacation, my neighbor messages me asking when i’m going to be back to take her and her son to their weekly doctors appointments, and since they hadn’t been to their weekly doctors appointment in two weeks child protective services got involved. insinuating as if it was my fault, that’s when i completely lost it, i messaged her telling her if child protective services are involved it’s because she lacks good parental skills, i also went on with telling her that they had nine months to prepare for their baby, to get their finances in order, to save for a vehicle etc. i got so heated and reminded her that this was her baby that she birthed and taking care of him is not my responsibility, and she can’t dump her infant on me whenever she wants to go out and do something. my husband says i was a little too harsh in expressing myself, and i could of been nicer about it. my neighbors husband has asked me to apologize, but i don’t think i did anything wrong in telling her the truth. i will admit i messaged her this in a fit of rage but i felt as if all of this was building up in me for the past months. i feel like i finally set my boundaries with my neighbors and i personally don’t think i did anything wrong. so am i the asshole for finally standing up to my neighbor?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband (20m) & i (20f) live next to another couple in their early 20s who just recently had a baby. we’ve lived next to them for the past six months and at first we were neighborly with them. about a month of being neighborly with them, they started asking us for favors every two weeks, and when we could we gladly obliged and helped them if we had the time. the favors ranged from taking them to the grocery store or dropping my pregnant neighbor off at her doctor appointments, because they don’t have a car. however, the week after her son was born it’s like she was demanding a favor every day, and again of course if i had the time i would happily oblige. i will admit i was getting frustrated because i have a life, a husband, a job, and i’m also currently in school. about a month ago, i was up to my witts end with the favor demanding it seemed like i was taking care of their three month old infant more than they were but i didn’t want to say anything to keep the peace. i tried to ignore her phone calls and text messages when i was busy at home but my neighbor just started knocking at my door if i didn’t answer in a 10 minute time frame. then my husband and i took a month long vacation to our home town because we had a death in the family. mid way through our vacation, my neighbor messages me asking when i’m going to be back to take her and her son to their weekly doctors appointments, and since they hadn’t been to their weekly doctors appointment in two weeks child protective services got involved. insinuating as if it was my fault, that’s when i completely lost it, i messaged her telling her if child protective services are involved it’s because she lacks good parental skills, i also went on with telling her that they had nine months to prepare for their baby, to get their finances in order, to save for a vehicle etc. i got so heated and reminded her that this was her baby that she birthed and taking care of him is not my responsibility, and she can’t dump her infant on me whenever she wants to go out and do something. my husband says i was a little too harsh in expressing myself, and i could of been nicer about it. my neighbors husband has asked me to apologize, but i don’t think i did anything wrong in telling her the truth. i will admit i messaged her this in a fit of rage but i felt as if all of this was building up in me for the past months. i feel like i finally set my boundaries with my neighbors and i personally don’t think i did anything wrong. so am i the asshole for finally standing up to my neighbor? [/INST] nta, you have been a great neighbour so far but there’s a limit, yes maybe you went strong but clearly they weren’t getting the hints and you needed to be blunt. her implying your inability to take them to doctors meant child services got involved was the start of a slippery slope to guilt tripping blackmail, good for you, you nipped it in the bud- nta </s>
|
AITA for not telling my family about my emergency surgery?
|
throwaway for obvious reasons.
29f
i've been in a committed relationship with a woman for a while now. we recently moved in together. i haven't told my parents that i moved my long term girlfriend into my apartment. i also haven't told them about the long term girlfriend. to make a long story short, my parents are religious and a bit homophobic. i've kept my dating life a secret forever. i haven't come out yet.
anyway i had to have an emergency appendectomy because of my appendicitis. i had no idea that it was that bad until i ended up in excruciating pain. my girlfriend was with me of course and she asked if i wanted to tell my family. i said it was ok to tell my sisters (they know about my gf) but not my parents. she obliged. my sisters confronted me and said that it's wrong to keep our parents out of the loop about such a serious surgery. tbh, the reason i didn't tell them was because they'd come to my home during my recovery and my gf now lives with me. i just can't deal with the extra stress of being in recovery and answering a million questions and hearing a sermon about why my relationship is wrong. in the meantime, i just want to have a smooth recovery with my girlfriend (she's a nurse so double bonus) because she's obviously more than willing to take care of me.
aita for not telling my parents about my emergency surgery?
| 821 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o2etar/aita_for_not_telling_my_family_about_my_emergency/
|
2021-06-18 02:50:17
|
nta. stress can hinder recovery, and why should you put yourself or gf through stupidity because you have homophobic parents? you deserve a smooth recovery and you deserve to come out when you feel comfortable and safe.
now if it was a dire situation and you may not make it, that would've been a you need to tell em yes but since this was a pretty routine surgery, granted it happened in a shitty manner (sudden pain etc) you've the right to keep it to yourself.
i get they dont like keeping secrets but this is a big thing you have to be mentally well to handle along with physically well. and right now you aren't either because recovery from surgery is hard!
|
nta coming out is something you do on your terms and your terms only.
|
nta. if your family is upset about you not disclosing personal details about your life, they should think harder about being the people you *want* to tell things to. burden is in no way on you to make yourself vulnerable to people who aren’t invested in caring for that vulnerability. get well soon!
|
[deleted]
|
nta but since your parents are as homophobic as you say, you may want to have a legal document drawn up to state that your gf has medical poa or an equivalent. there have been instances in which parents have completely cut off the so when things go bad medically. if you don’t feel comfortable with gf having this responsibility, perhaps consider a sibling or close friend who won’t remove your gf from your life.
hoping you recover quickly and feel better soon.
|
nta - your siblings are thinking about what they would do if they had surgery, but are being self-centered and not thinking about you and that your parents might not support you and your relationship.
|
nta parents are in debt to their children, not the other way around. its a courtesy to tell them, not a moral dilemma and you are entitled to a stress free recovery.
beware that your sisters dont tell them though, they wont be as concerned about the consequence as you are!
|
nta.
you are not obligated to tell anyone about your medical stuff, other than your girlfriend. maybe if your parents weren't so homophobic, then they would know about this and could support their daughter through this time.
perhaps, your sisters should be focusing more on the fact that their parents would think you two's relationship is something that will send you to hell, so much so that you feel like you can't tell them a serious medical emergency so that you won't to be judged.
i would cut your partners out, to be honest.
|
nta - you are an adult and you get to make all these choices for yourself.
|
nta.
> my sisters confronted me and said that it's wrong to keep our parents out of the loop about such a serious surgery.
what do they have to say about your parents homophobia? are they enablers?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway for obvious reasons. 29f i've been in a committed relationship with a woman for a while now. we recently moved in together. i haven't told my parents that i moved my long term girlfriend into my apartment. i also haven't told them about the long term girlfriend. to make a long story short, my parents are religious and a bit homophobic. i've kept my dating life a secret forever. i haven't come out yet. anyway i had to have an emergency appendectomy because of my appendicitis. i had no idea that it was that bad until i ended up in excruciating pain. my girlfriend was with me of course and she asked if i wanted to tell my family. i said it was ok to tell my sisters (they know about my gf) but not my parents. she obliged. my sisters confronted me and said that it's wrong to keep our parents out of the loop about such a serious surgery. tbh, the reason i didn't tell them was because they'd come to my home during my recovery and my gf now lives with me. i just can't deal with the extra stress of being in recovery and answering a million questions and hearing a sermon about why my relationship is wrong. in the meantime, i just want to have a smooth recovery with my girlfriend (she's a nurse so double bonus) because she's obviously more than willing to take care of me. aita for not telling my parents about my emergency surgery?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway for obvious reasons. 29f i've been in a committed relationship with a woman for a while now. we recently moved in together. i haven't told my parents that i moved my long term girlfriend into my apartment. i also haven't told them about the long term girlfriend. to make a long story short, my parents are religious and a bit homophobic. i've kept my dating life a secret forever. i haven't come out yet. anyway i had to have an emergency appendectomy because of my appendicitis. i had no idea that it was that bad until i ended up in excruciating pain. my girlfriend was with me of course and she asked if i wanted to tell my family. i said it was ok to tell my sisters (they know about my gf) but not my parents. she obliged. my sisters confronted me and said that it's wrong to keep our parents out of the loop about such a serious surgery. tbh, the reason i didn't tell them was because they'd come to my home during my recovery and my gf now lives with me. i just can't deal with the extra stress of being in recovery and answering a million questions and hearing a sermon about why my relationship is wrong. in the meantime, i just want to have a smooth recovery with my girlfriend (she's a nurse so double bonus) because she's obviously more than willing to take care of me. aita for not telling my parents about my emergency surgery? [/INST] nta. stress can hinder recovery, and why should you put yourself or gf through stupidity because you have homophobic parents? you deserve a smooth recovery and you deserve to come out when you feel comfortable and safe. now if it was a dire situation and you may not make it, that would've been a you need to tell em yes but since this was a pretty routine surgery, granted it happened in a shitty manner (sudden pain etc) you've the right to keep it to yourself. i get they dont like keeping secrets but this is a big thing you have to be mentally well to handle along with physically well. and right now you aren't either because recovery from surgery is hard! </s>
|
AITA for not driving my friend to the train station?
|
i live in chicago and attend a university here. my friend from out of state goes to school with me and is staying with me over spring break since he got a job downtown and has to stay here to work. he's staying at my house for no charge of any sort, of course.
he has to leave every morning at 10:30am to get to the train station to take him to the city. he thinks it's a dick move that i don't want to wake up every day and drive him there and that i'm making him uber.
from my perspective, he's already staying at my house and being fed which is already a huge favor. i don't think i should be expected to drive him there every day.
i understand that it's a minor inconvenience to me, but i wanna spend my spring break sleeping in. after being bent over and gorilla fucked by last quarter, this week of sleeping in is the one solace i have left.
am i being an asshole or would i be letting him walk on me if i drove him?
| 178 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b584vu/aita_for_not_driving_my_friend_to_the_train/
|
2019-03-25 08:52:08
|
nta. tbh he seems a bit spoiled.
|
nta he’s being an entitled prick. you are not his personal chauffeur in fact if he has a job why isn’t he paying rent or for food?
|
nta for sure. you’re not his mother. it’s not your responsibility and you’re already kind enough to let him stay at your house anyways. if you didn’t offer him your place and he would have had to find some place to stay, he still would have had to spend money on food and boarding so he should just look at the uber price as the money he would have spend anyways had you not opened your home to him
|
nta i would personally have a copy of the classifieds laying out for him to see the prices of rentals in the city. far too often people want everyone else to be their mommy and take care of them. they took the job, it's up to them to get there. time for them to grow up. you take care of you.
|
nta. at all. enjoy your sleep.
|
nta "can i crash at your place for a job" is not the same as visiting; where there is a reasonable expectation (not an obligation) that once the visit is done you'll take them to the airport/train station to get home. you're on vacation you didn't offer "i'll get up and drive you to work" i think you would have turned that favor down flat.
|
nta
any self respecting human over the age of 2 can see why.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i live in chicago and attend a university here. my friend from out of state goes to school with me and is staying with me over spring break since he got a job downtown and has to stay here to work. he's staying at my house for no charge of any sort, of course. he has to leave every morning at 10:30am to get to the train station to take him to the city. he thinks it's a dick move that i don't want to wake up every day and drive him there and that i'm making him uber. from my perspective, he's already staying at my house and being fed which is already a huge favor. i don't think i should be expected to drive him there every day. i understand that it's a minor inconvenience to me, but i wanna spend my spring break sleeping in. after being bent over and gorilla fucked by last quarter, this week of sleeping in is the one solace i have left. am i being an asshole or would i be letting him walk on me if i drove him?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i live in chicago and attend a university here. my friend from out of state goes to school with me and is staying with me over spring break since he got a job downtown and has to stay here to work. he's staying at my house for no charge of any sort, of course. he has to leave every morning at 10:30am to get to the train station to take him to the city. he thinks it's a dick move that i don't want to wake up every day and drive him there and that i'm making him uber. from my perspective, he's already staying at my house and being fed which is already a huge favor. i don't think i should be expected to drive him there every day. i understand that it's a minor inconvenience to me, but i wanna spend my spring break sleeping in. after being bent over and gorilla fucked by last quarter, this week of sleeping in is the one solace i have left. am i being an asshole or would i be letting him walk on me if i drove him? [/INST] nta. tbh he seems a bit spoiled. </s>
|
AITA for trying to get my boyfriend to make amends with his old schooltime "bully"?
|
a while ago i found out a person i work with knew my boyfriend. this person is very friendly and outgoing, always helps out. typical good dude. they went to school together and apparently were really close.
when i brought this up with my boyfriend, he explained how badly bullied he got. according to him the bullying from this coworker and friends made life "unbearable". some of what he said was honestly hard to swallow (don't want to break any rules here). like what school would allow someone to be targeted that badly and allow it to occur and not intervene for years? at my school if i got called a something like "slut" the bully would get an internal suspension. i believe that he feels/thinks that he got badly bullied.
i kind of wanted them to meet and clear the air. so put together friday after-work knock-off drinks with some of our life friends and work friends. boyfriend was up for it at the start but when he found out my coworker was going to be there, he cancelled last minute and left me a few angry and insulting messages. it was kind of childish of him to be honest.
we're in our mid/late 30s and high school was half our life ago. people grow up and change. i feel it's time to grow out of childish hangups, grudges and rivalries and actually act like an adult and recognise that it's possible for an former "asshole" to become decent.
| 788 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dgshw8/aita_for_trying_to_get_my_boyfriend_to_make/
|
2019-10-12 08:40:40
|
yta - that was an extraordinarily arrogant and patronising thing to do.
think of the worst thing anyone ever did to you. now imagine someone else patting you on the head and telling you you're being childish and unreasonable for not being over it.
are you this insensitive and pushy in other areas of your life?
|
yta. i can't even type anymore without breaking rule #1 so just going to leave it at that.
|
please tell me im misreading this. it sounds like your coworker used to bully your boyfriend and you decided that this bully is a good guy and the victim should grow up and get over it. have i misread? because if nit you are a huge gaping yta. and you think your bf is lying? wtf?
|
yta, and you are a disgusting person. you have no idea what he was bullied like. i know from personal experience, schools often turn a blind eye to bullying especially in middle school through high school. and for your to say you don’t believe him, and then try to get them to unknowingly meet, and call your bf childish, makes you a horrible person. what if your bf thought of suicide, and has trauma from seeing this dude. this is none of your concern, and to be honest i am totally shocked he hasn’t left you. you have no idea what bullying is like. please don’t try this again, and it is up to your bf if he wants to “clear the air” it’s not your right to force him into that.
|
yta. that guy bullied your boyfriend to what i can only infer is the brink of suicide and you now want him to just forgive him? think for a moment and ask yourself "would i forgive someone who made my life unbearable for years?"
|
yta. first, you discount your boyfriend’s account of his bullying because your school happened to be good about addressing it. good for you. i, along with the many other people who have been bullied, can tell you that there are hundreds of schools out there that are completely ineffective, and in some cases, only manage to increase the magnitude of the bullying.
second, you don’t get to decide how something that happened before you were even in his life affected him. it doesn’t matter if you think it “couldn’t have been that bad,” if he said his life was “unbearable” it’s incredibly asshole-ish of you to minimize that. regardless of the intensity of the event, what is traumatizing to someone is traumatizing full stop (and bullying is traumatizing).
third, why should your boyfriend have to clear the air with someone who made his life “unbearable?” relatedly/fourth, who are you to decide when and how your boyfriend associates with this person? imagine if he tried to get you to just “clear the air” with someone who made your life a living hell! your boyfriend, the victim, should get to decide when and if he ever wants to be on good terms with his bully. no quotations. bully.
fourth, you are completely invalidating your boyfriend’s feelings, decisions, and wants; tricking him into meeting with a person who has hurt him in the past is shitty no matter which way you frame it.
fifth, just because it happened years ago doesn’t mean it’s childish. bullying, irrespective of how intense, is something that can affect you for the rest of your life, especially in your (pre)teens as that’s when a great portion of your identity and social cognition develops.
sixth, even if you think people can change and become better people that doesn’t change the fact that he did some incredibly shitty things. the wronged don’t have to put aside their hurt just because the person who wronged them has decided to be better.
so yeah, you’re the asshole.
|
yta - you are belittling the way he feels and that is not on. i got bullied also for a few years and the teachers done nothing to stop it, i am also mid thirties and truly believe the bullying effecting me enough to still be influencing my thoughts and confidence level. don't dismiss the way he feels, if he doesn't want to meet up with a dickhead from his past then leave it at that, i don't blame him at all.
|
worst aita girlfriend of the month. what does he see in you? yta
|
yta
1) it sounds like you don't believe your partner about the bullying (not sure if you ment it to come across this way or not).
2) you tried to deceive your partner to meeting up with them because you think it's time.
3) you've completely ignored your partners feeling.
4) people can change i'm not disagreeing with you there but the way you've gone about this isn't the best.
|
yta
first, you're accusing a victim of being a liar. rape victims face these accusations *all the time* as do domestic abuse survivors.
second, you're forgetting that people have different faces they present in particular situations. i guarantee from personal experience that friendly, affable, and easy to get along with *does not* mean kind, honest, or trustworthy.
your boyfriend has shared his honest experiences and feelings with you. listen to his words and have a think about their meaning. decide which person is more important to you.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: a while ago i found out a person i work with knew my boyfriend. this person is very friendly and outgoing, always helps out. typical good dude. they went to school together and apparently were really close. when i brought this up with my boyfriend, he explained how badly bullied he got. according to him the bullying from this coworker and friends made life "unbearable". some of what he said was honestly hard to swallow (don't want to break any rules here). like what school would allow someone to be targeted that badly and allow it to occur and not intervene for years? at my school if i got called a something like "slut" the bully would get an internal suspension. i believe that he feels/thinks that he got badly bullied. i kind of wanted them to meet and clear the air. so put together friday after-work knock-off drinks with some of our life friends and work friends. boyfriend was up for it at the start but when he found out my coworker was going to be there, he cancelled last minute and left me a few angry and insulting messages. it was kind of childish of him to be honest. we're in our mid/late 30s and high school was half our life ago. people grow up and change. i feel it's time to grow out of childish hangups, grudges and rivalries and actually act like an adult and recognise that it's possible for an former "asshole" to become decent.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
a while ago i found out a person i work with knew my boyfriend. this person is very friendly and outgoing, always helps out. typical good dude. they went to school together and apparently were really close. when i brought this up with my boyfriend, he explained how badly bullied he got. according to him the bullying from this coworker and friends made life "unbearable". some of what he said was honestly hard to swallow (don't want to break any rules here). like what school would allow someone to be targeted that badly and allow it to occur and not intervene for years? at my school if i got called a something like "slut" the bully would get an internal suspension. i believe that he feels/thinks that he got badly bullied. i kind of wanted them to meet and clear the air. so put together friday after-work knock-off drinks with some of our life friends and work friends. boyfriend was up for it at the start but when he found out my coworker was going to be there, he cancelled last minute and left me a few angry and insulting messages. it was kind of childish of him to be honest. we're in our mid/late 30s and high school was half our life ago. people grow up and change. i feel it's time to grow out of childish hangups, grudges and rivalries and actually act like an adult and recognise that it's possible for an former "asshole" to become decent. [/INST] yta - that was an extraordinarily arrogant and patronising thing to do. think of the worst thing anyone ever did to you. now imagine someone else patting you on the head and telling you you're being childish and unreasonable for not being over it. are you this insensitive and pushy in other areas of your life? </s>
|
AITA for taking away a student’s whiteboard
|
i’m a substitute teacher. i’ve been subbing in a 4th grade classroom (9-10 years old) all month. there’s a little girl in the class, taylor, who has selective mutism (she doesn’t speak) and uses a whiteboard to communicate in class.
taylor is a smart girl but she’s constantly using her whiteboard to talk to her friends in class and drawing when she’s supposed to be doing her work.
taylor was extremely distracted today and wouldn’t stop “talking” to her friends in class so, after telling her to put the whiteboard down for the 50th time, i took the whiteboard away.
taylor started crying, packed her backpack, went to the office, and went home for the day and i got an email from her mom chewing me out for taking away taylor’s only method of communication. i tried explaining that taylor kept using it to talk to her friends in class but she said it didn’t matter and i still have no right to take it from her.
i told my husband about it and he said that while it’s understandable that i was frustrated, i shouldn’t have taken the whiteboard so i wanted to see if i was the asshole.
| 1,250 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n28il6/aita_for_taking_away_a_students_whiteboard/
|
2021-05-01 01:46:43
|
yta - you're well aware that the whiteboard is your student's primary mode of communication. by way of analogy, what do you do with other students who are talking in class, tape their mouths shut? taking away a white board may seem at the surface to be like taking away a cell phone from a student who keeps texting during class, but to your mute student it is so much more.
|
yta
(1) if this is an iep accommodation, then it is protected by the idea(b) law. in that case, her parents can sue the school district and win. i don't know if they can sue you personally...but the district is now in legal jeapardy.
(2) even if she had no iep, this was a really impulsive and poor way to handle her behavior. you should handle it the same way you handle a speaking child if they keep chatting, like sending them to sit alone somewhere in the room is what i would think of first.
|
yta. if a student doesn't stop talking in class, do you cut out their tongue to force them to stop talking? no. so don't do that to her. find another way to enforce the rules.
|
yta. if an able bodied student wouldn't stop talking do you superglue their mouth shut?
you did very similarly to what my elementary teacher did and she almost got herself fired.
my teacher confiscated both pairs of my glasses because i kept switching between my "regular use" and "fine print use" glasses which was "distracting". i cannot see my toes without glasses - i can only see vague colors and lights. i would be 100% dependent on someone to guide me to the bathroom or out the door in a fire drill. **i cannot see and have special accommodations to this day to have a front row seat and worksheets printed in size 32+ font.** my biggest fear in life, even as a college student, is losing my glasses while out in public because i would lose my independence and entirely rely on the kindness of strangers to help me find my way home.
it's as if you're alone in a dark room and someone broke the only lightbulb, so now you have to scramble around in darkness.
you broke that lightbulb for taylor and you took away her independence from her.
p.s. as someone who had special accommodations throughout school and taught special ed students for a while, you almost certainly violated an iep, and are risking your job. i would not be surprised if the school does not invite you back as a substitute teacher or at least gives you a very strong chewing out.
|
yta for sure
as a speech pathologist in the school system, i hate people like you. that whiteboard was her lifeline. do you realize how intense the anxiety associated with selective mutism is? or how it can take years and multiple professionals to treat? or how often it is a reaction to trauma?
you didn’t want to deal with a child misbehaving, so you were intentionally cruel. *if that child had been verbal, would you have just slapped some tape over her mouth?* because that’s effectively what you did by taking away her communication.
you’re a huge asshole and you probably should read up on how legally binding 504 plans and ieps are if you’re going to continue to sub, before you get the shit sued out of your school district.
|
so lemme get this straight....
you have a student who cannot speak and uses a whiteboard to communicate. she was essentially writing notes to friends and "talking" during class. your first instinct was to take her method of communication rather than, oh i dunno, move her freaking desk, change seats, get principle involved, or get on the other kids she was "talking" to? wow. you are terrible at your job.
yta
|
yta. you don't staple a kid's mouth shut if they don't stop talking, you don't take out a kid's hearing aids if they're listening to music too much. taking away someone's needed access aid is not okay. that's an act abuse of a disabled child.
|
yta there's no equivalent punishment for another child. you cant take away a voicebox, you're not ursula, and even she had to ask permission. you're ableist, disrespectful, and should absolutely not be allowed to teach in that room again.
|
yta
the equivalent to this would be cutting out a students tongue or voice box. the appropriate reaction would've been to send her to the office if she was distracting others.
also if this was in her iep what you just did was extremely illegal
|
yep yta. you’d be better off sending her to the office for not listening. if a kid in a wheelchair kept popping wheelies are you gonna take that away too?
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m a substitute teacher. i’ve been subbing in a 4th grade classroom (9-10 years old) all month. there’s a little girl in the class, taylor, who has selective mutism (she doesn’t speak) and uses a whiteboard to communicate in class. taylor is a smart girl but she’s constantly using her whiteboard to talk to her friends in class and drawing when she’s supposed to be doing her work. taylor was extremely distracted today and wouldn’t stop “talking” to her friends in class so, after telling her to put the whiteboard down for the 50th time, i took the whiteboard away. taylor started crying, packed her backpack, went to the office, and went home for the day and i got an email from her mom chewing me out for taking away taylor’s only method of communication. i tried explaining that taylor kept using it to talk to her friends in class but she said it didn’t matter and i still have no right to take it from her. i told my husband about it and he said that while it’s understandable that i was frustrated, i shouldn’t have taken the whiteboard so i wanted to see if i was the asshole.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m a substitute teacher. i’ve been subbing in a 4th grade classroom (9-10 years old) all month. there’s a little girl in the class, taylor, who has selective mutism (she doesn’t speak) and uses a whiteboard to communicate in class. taylor is a smart girl but she’s constantly using her whiteboard to talk to her friends in class and drawing when she’s supposed to be doing her work. taylor was extremely distracted today and wouldn’t stop “talking” to her friends in class so, after telling her to put the whiteboard down for the 50th time, i took the whiteboard away. taylor started crying, packed her backpack, went to the office, and went home for the day and i got an email from her mom chewing me out for taking away taylor’s only method of communication. i tried explaining that taylor kept using it to talk to her friends in class but she said it didn’t matter and i still have no right to take it from her. i told my husband about it and he said that while it’s understandable that i was frustrated, i shouldn’t have taken the whiteboard so i wanted to see if i was the asshole. [/INST] yta - you're well aware that the whiteboard is your student's primary mode of communication. by way of analogy, what do you do with other students who are talking in class, tape their mouths shut? taking away a white board may seem at the surface to be like taking away a cell phone from a student who keeps texting during class, but to your mute student it is so much more. </s>
|
AITA for allowing my kids to stay next to our daughters bed while she passed away?
|
our daughter who was seven years old died on november 28 as a result of her cancer (leukemia).
i would allow my two other kids (11 and 15) to stay with her overnight at the hospital if my wife or i were there.
on november 28 our daughter took her last breath. she had suffered a bleed in her brain and the doctors said that there was nothing they could (except cause her significant pain if they attempted surgery). so instead, we let our kids stay with her while she took her last breaths.
recently my extended family found out and said i was in the wrong. my sister (a lmsw) told me i could've traumautized our children and have life-lasting impacts on them as a result of them watching her passaway.
i need other peoples thoughts on this as it was an extremely difficult choice to make but one i thought was appropriate.
| 2,716 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e9gfnw/aita_for_allowing_my_kids_to_stay_next_to_our/
|
2019-12-12 01:10:00
|
nta-tell them to get fucked.
this is your daughter and her siblings. you, as the parent, really cant err here.
my siblings and i were all there when my mum died. it was horrific and i still hate the memory of losing her, but id hate it even more if i wasnt there for her in her final moments.
im so sorry for your loss, i hope you find comfort in your memories.
|
nta. up until very recently, people died at home surrounded by family, and people understood death. fuck your sister for even suggesting that your kids would be "traumatized". fuck her.
|
nta
your 11 year-old and 15 year-old are old enough to have made the choice to be with their sister.
i'm sorry for your loss.
|
nta. i think your kids are pretty traumatized by having a sibling die. your sister can get bent.
|
nta in any way, shape, or form. death is a real part of life. i’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️
|
definitely nta. 11 and 15 are usually middle school and high school ages, old enough to know about life and death. you said that you "would allow" your other two children to stay the night with their little sister, and that you "let" them stay with her while she took her last breaths, giving the impression they wanted to be there.
lord, i still remember one cousin of mine sobbing over her sister's bedside when she discovered that her sister had passed overnight, before she could return for the morning, and didn't get a chance to say goodbye. i don't know if you gave your other two children an option to leave because that isn't clear, but it sounds like they didn't want to leave either.
i'm so sorry for your guys' loss.
|
nta anyone who tells you otherwise is. this is their final chance to be with their sister and in some way probably comforted her in her last moments as well. you did nothing wrong, sorry for your loss.
|
nta. any trauma they have will certainly come from losing the sister they love. everyone processes grief differently, but the person in the best position to decide what your kids need is *you*, not an extended family member - no matter how many degrees they have.
|
nta, personally my grandmother died when i was 13. she passed while i was out of state with my other grandparents. i wanted to go back home, bit my parents felt it would be better if i stayed on vacation. i felt a lot of guilt, i felt i didn't get to say a proper goodbye and tell her i loved her. children are smart and have emotions and should not be brushed aside.
|
you also could have traumatized them by denying them those last moments. you are nta. you are a grieving parent doing their best.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: our daughter who was seven years old died on november 28 as a result of her cancer (leukemia). i would allow my two other kids (11 and 15) to stay with her overnight at the hospital if my wife or i were there. on november 28 our daughter took her last breath. she had suffered a bleed in her brain and the doctors said that there was nothing they could (except cause her significant pain if they attempted surgery). so instead, we let our kids stay with her while she took her last breaths. recently my extended family found out and said i was in the wrong. my sister (a lmsw) told me i could've traumautized our children and have life-lasting impacts on them as a result of them watching her passaway. i need other peoples thoughts on this as it was an extremely difficult choice to make but one i thought was appropriate.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
our daughter who was seven years old died on november 28 as a result of her cancer (leukemia). i would allow my two other kids (11 and 15) to stay with her overnight at the hospital if my wife or i were there. on november 28 our daughter took her last breath. she had suffered a bleed in her brain and the doctors said that there was nothing they could (except cause her significant pain if they attempted surgery). so instead, we let our kids stay with her while she took her last breaths. recently my extended family found out and said i was in the wrong. my sister (a lmsw) told me i could've traumautized our children and have life-lasting impacts on them as a result of them watching her passaway. i need other peoples thoughts on this as it was an extremely difficult choice to make but one i thought was appropriate. [/INST] nta-tell them to get fucked. this is your daughter and her siblings. you, as the parent, really cant err here. my siblings and i were all there when my mum died. it was horrific and i still hate the memory of losing her, but id hate it even more if i wasnt there for her in her final moments. im so sorry for your loss, i hope you find comfort in your memories. </s>
|
AITA for explaining to my boss why I can’t do more than two days a week
|
i (14m) am entering into hs and the school i’m attending offers work study during the summer. i just now recently got my schedule and i put down the days i’m available. i work out and practice for sports while taking care of my younger sibling monday and wednesday. i was pulled aside and my boss gave me a lecture about how i’m putting my interests before my job and i’m not allowed to do that since i’m now a working citizen. i tried explaining what i was comfortable with and they still would give me the same lecture. aita?
| 188 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vlkq0l/aita_for_explaining_to_my_boss_why_i_cant_do_more/
|
2022-06-27 02:25:54
|
nta. this is meant to be an educational experience, not a career move. yes, you are allowed to put your interests first. don't sacrifice your educational experiences for a job.
|
nta. your boss is trying to bulldoze you. you don't have to explain yourself to them, just repeat "those are the days i'm available." if they can't respect it, you need to find another place to work.
|
nta
you're only 14 and a high school student. your school, hobbies and family life comes first.
|
no you're not the asshole.
you're doing what you want/need to be doing.
your boss just sounds like he's jealous that you have a life outside of work.
|
nta. your availability is your availability.
you have an obligation to be available at the times you said you were available. why you are not available at other times is not your employer's business.
the only exception would be if there were a requirement for a certain amount of hours for the work study, and your availability didn't fulfill that requirement.
an employer is free not to hire you if your availability does not work for them, and usually to fire you, at least in the us, but they're not free to demand that you work hours that you are not available.
|
nta. “working citizen” is a nonsensical term, workers still have every right to set boundaries and have a personal life. as a minor there are also very limited hours you’re legally allowed to work. hold the line and don’t let your boss intimidate you into overworking.
|
nta its good to learn early how to set healthy boundaries at work.
|
nta bosses are, in general, horrible. they don't give a shit about their employees and try to squeeze as much out of them as they can for as little pay as they can. at your age, you should absolutely be putting your schooling, family, sports, and anything else important to you before work.
|
nta and check your state laws. you’re only 14 so there may be a limit as to how much you are legally allowed to work per week
|
you are fourteen. nta.
are there no child labour laws where you are? here you can’t even get a job that is more than delivering newspapers until you are 14 and 9 months old (yes it’s that specific)
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (14m) am entering into hs and the school i’m attending offers work study during the summer. i just now recently got my schedule and i put down the days i’m available. i work out and practice for sports while taking care of my younger sibling monday and wednesday. i was pulled aside and my boss gave me a lecture about how i’m putting my interests before my job and i’m not allowed to do that since i’m now a working citizen. i tried explaining what i was comfortable with and they still would give me the same lecture. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (14m) am entering into hs and the school i’m attending offers work study during the summer. i just now recently got my schedule and i put down the days i’m available. i work out and practice for sports while taking care of my younger sibling monday and wednesday. i was pulled aside and my boss gave me a lecture about how i’m putting my interests before my job and i’m not allowed to do that since i’m now a working citizen. i tried explaining what i was comfortable with and they still would give me the same lecture. aita? [/INST] nta. this is meant to be an educational experience, not a career move. yes, you are allowed to put your interests first. don't sacrifice your educational experiences for a job. </s>
|
AITA for saying my straight women friends that the D was overrated and they put up with too much for it?
|
my wife and i are both women and both 36f. we have 2 kids 5 and 2.
since we started dating 8 years my straight friends have always made snide little jokes about how we must be missing "d" once in awhile since both my wife and i are bisexual.
usually i've been able to just bat back with jokes about how the d ain't worth what they put up with etc. i've noticed these jokes crop up when they've finished complaining about their husbands and i don't have anything to say about my wife.
however lockdown has been hard been for my straight friends. it's been hard for my wife and i but it's been particularly hard for my friends because a lot of the online schooling and housework has fallen to them but it hasn't for us.
most of the time i keep my mouth shut and just sympathise. so then after one nighttime zoom call, everyone else finished venting and my and i were asked how our lockdown was going, i said it was tough but we are managing.
then one of my friends asked me if my wife was helping out, i said she was, we've never had problems on that front which is true. she then said her husband needed to work so she had to take over parenting. i just said that must be tough. then she said something weird, that because my wife has a phd and i have a masters, her work is more important, so i should be doing more. my wife then said that nothing was more important than our kids.
i think she took that as a criticism against her own husband because she started to talk about how important her husband was at work etc but then it again veered into how much she's doing at home while trying to wfh and the said how lucky we (my wife and i) were. my wife and i just agreed with that statement. and then of course: i'm so happy everything is great for you but don't you miss the d?
i was thinking "here we go again" so i bantered back like i usually do and said my we had plenty of d in different shapes and sizes at home with a shorter refractory period and that they put up with too much for the privilege of having one attached to a man. all my other friends on the call laughed and one even said that they should probably get themselves a wife with a penis. the friend who had a jab at me however, told me i was being crass and left the call. the rest of us stayed on but we were subjected to a flurry of texts about how she was in a fragile place and i needed to be more empathetic because some of us are having a harder lockdown than others. i pointed out that she was the one that made the d joke first but my friends reached out privately and told me that my friend was at the end of her rope and to drop it because it wasn't going to go anywhere.
i pushed the issue however and told my friend she wasn't allowed to bring up missing d ever again if i wasn't allowed to talk about it and i was subjected to several more paragraphs about how i was always evangelising lesbianism. i just typed back that we aren't lesbians and muted her chat.
aita?
| 12,109 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kbgv31/aita_for_saying_my_straight_women_friends_that/
|
2020-12-12 02:26:45
|
nta if you can’t take the heat dont dish it out 🤷🏻♀️
|
when your friends make those jokes, they are being ~~homophobic~~ biphobic. i would assume there is absolutely no way they would say the reverse to you if you previously dated women and were now married to a man. it is invalidating the relationship you have with your wife, and it is not ok. i’d seriously consider whether these are the sort of people you want in your life.
i mean yeah, you pushed back but don’t dish it out if you can’t take it. nta.
&#x200b;
edited to clarify: it is biphobic rather than homophobic, thanks for the correction :)
|
nta. i think crass to her means “you’re confronting me with truth and that hurts my built reality”.
|
emphatically nta.
your friends sound annoying - their joking about the d might be passable once depending on your relationship with them, but bringing it up constantly is disrespectful of you and your wife's relationship.
it's true that lockdown is harder on some people, and that some relationships ended up being more strained than others - but that's in no way your fault. lgbtqa+ relationships tend to be harder earned, and further away from toxic gender models, so on average, they fare better now - but the cheeky takeaway here is that straight people really need to start getting married to people they actually *like* :p (i'm writing this as a bi person in a straight relationship.)
you and your wife have that, and that's good for you. you weren't even flaunting it, you just sent their joke back at them. you did nothing wrong.
|
nta
seriously, bi or not, somebody asking of you miss d, even once, is crude and inappropriate. your friend can unwad her panties anytime now
|
nta-- if your friend didn't want you to talk about a subject she shouldn't have brought it up, and it's not your fault she's willing to take on more than her share of the domestic work.
|
nta
so that “friend” gets to bash you and your lifestyle but can’t take it ? i suggest telling her if she doesn’t like the content of a subject she needs to keep to subjects that are neutral.
also, maybe suggest to everyone that there is no more negative bs during these crazy times and only bring the positive for now on.
|
nta. invalidates you & your wife’s relationship and after years of it + friend’s weird-ass comments about masters vs phd, it sounds like it may have snapped the camel’s back? or maybe that’s me projecting since me & my girlfriend both have advanced degrees as well and were like “wtf???” at this comment.
sounds like she’s been trying to decide which one of you (you or your wife) is the knife and which of you is the fork for awhile when you’re both spoons. pandemic just brought it to light.
|
nta. the joke clearly gets made a lot. your friend made the joke and then had a fit when you pushed back. you’re not a mind reader. if she needs support she can ask for it directly and not through hanging up and then texting.
|
nta. she's bashing you and your relationship but the second you fire back she's "in a fragile place at the end of her rope :(". fuck that.
also
>i just typed back that we aren't lesbians and muted her chat.
royal shit right there, you love to see it. op really went "✨no✨"
if anything she should be glad you muted her because now she doesn't have to "deal" with you and your wife being "crass" aka pointing out the truth
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i are both women and both 36f. we have 2 kids 5 and 2. since we started dating 8 years my straight friends have always made snide little jokes about how we must be missing "d" once in awhile since both my wife and i are bisexual. usually i've been able to just bat back with jokes about how the d ain't worth what they put up with etc. i've noticed these jokes crop up when they've finished complaining about their husbands and i don't have anything to say about my wife. however lockdown has been hard been for my straight friends. it's been hard for my wife and i but it's been particularly hard for my friends because a lot of the online schooling and housework has fallen to them but it hasn't for us. most of the time i keep my mouth shut and just sympathise. so then after one nighttime zoom call, everyone else finished venting and my and i were asked how our lockdown was going, i said it was tough but we are managing. then one of my friends asked me if my wife was helping out, i said she was, we've never had problems on that front which is true. she then said her husband needed to work so she had to take over parenting. i just said that must be tough. then she said something weird, that because my wife has a phd and i have a masters, her work is more important, so i should be doing more. my wife then said that nothing was more important than our kids. i think she took that as a criticism against her own husband because she started to talk about how important her husband was at work etc but then it again veered into how much she's doing at home while trying to wfh and the said how lucky we (my wife and i) were. my wife and i just agreed with that statement. and then of course: i'm so happy everything is great for you but don't you miss the d? i was thinking "here we go again" so i bantered back like i usually do and said my we had plenty of d in different shapes and sizes at home with a shorter refractory period and that they put up with too much for the privilege of having one attached to a man. all my other friends on the call laughed and one even said that they should probably get themselves a wife with a penis. the friend who had a jab at me however, told me i was being crass and left the call. the rest of us stayed on but we were subjected to a flurry of texts about how she was in a fragile place and i needed to be more empathetic because some of us are having a harder lockdown than others. i pointed out that she was the one that made the d joke first but my friends reached out privately and told me that my friend was at the end of her rope and to drop it because it wasn't going to go anywhere. i pushed the issue however and told my friend she wasn't allowed to bring up missing d ever again if i wasn't allowed to talk about it and i was subjected to several more paragraphs about how i was always evangelising lesbianism. i just typed back that we aren't lesbians and muted her chat. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i are both women and both 36f. we have 2 kids 5 and 2. since we started dating 8 years my straight friends have always made snide little jokes about how we must be missing "d" once in awhile since both my wife and i are bisexual. usually i've been able to just bat back with jokes about how the d ain't worth what they put up with etc. i've noticed these jokes crop up when they've finished complaining about their husbands and i don't have anything to say about my wife. however lockdown has been hard been for my straight friends. it's been hard for my wife and i but it's been particularly hard for my friends because a lot of the online schooling and housework has fallen to them but it hasn't for us. most of the time i keep my mouth shut and just sympathise. so then after one nighttime zoom call, everyone else finished venting and my and i were asked how our lockdown was going, i said it was tough but we are managing. then one of my friends asked me if my wife was helping out, i said she was, we've never had problems on that front which is true. she then said her husband needed to work so she had to take over parenting. i just said that must be tough. then she said something weird, that because my wife has a phd and i have a masters, her work is more important, so i should be doing more. my wife then said that nothing was more important than our kids. i think she took that as a criticism against her own husband because she started to talk about how important her husband was at work etc but then it again veered into how much she's doing at home while trying to wfh and the said how lucky we (my wife and i) were. my wife and i just agreed with that statement. and then of course: i'm so happy everything is great for you but don't you miss the d? i was thinking "here we go again" so i bantered back like i usually do and said my we had plenty of d in different shapes and sizes at home with a shorter refractory period and that they put up with too much for the privilege of having one attached to a man. all my other friends on the call laughed and one even said that they should probably get themselves a wife with a penis. the friend who had a jab at me however, told me i was being crass and left the call. the rest of us stayed on but we were subjected to a flurry of texts about how she was in a fragile place and i needed to be more empathetic because some of us are having a harder lockdown than others. i pointed out that she was the one that made the d joke first but my friends reached out privately and told me that my friend was at the end of her rope and to drop it because it wasn't going to go anywhere. i pushed the issue however and told my friend she wasn't allowed to bring up missing d ever again if i wasn't allowed to talk about it and i was subjected to several more paragraphs about how i was always evangelising lesbianism. i just typed back that we aren't lesbians and muted her chat. aita? [/INST] nta if you can’t take the heat dont dish it out 🤷🏻♀️ </s>
|
AITA for still eating out even thought I couldn’t tip?
|
so i went out for lunch with my boyfriend’s mom. i was treating her out because her husband is out of town and i didn’t want her to be alone for valentines. everything was lovely until the bill came. i pay for everything with my cards. but according to this restaurant, they don’t accept tip until its cash. i don’t have cash so i didn’t tip. the sever told me i can run to the mall that is about a 10 mins away to get a tip out of the atm. i couldn’t possibly do that because i had to drive my boyfriend’s mom home and then go back to work. i said no thanks and didn’t tip. the server was a bit annoyed and my bf’s mom said we should have just went to the atm. she told my bf that she was embarrassed. my bf is a bit upset with me for doing that because he’s been a server before.
update update! i tried to remediate the situation by calling the place and asking if i can come back and tip the waitress. turns out, they do tip by credit but the waitress wanted cash tip so she skipped the tip screen on the machine and told me they didn’t accept credit tip.
| 546 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f419yf/aita_for_still_eating_out_even_thought_i_couldnt/
|
2020-02-15 00:03:32
|
nta that’s super sketchy, sounds like they may not be reporting their tip income
|
nta — my usual rule is “if you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to eat out”, but in this particular case you were fully in your right to leave. that is super sketchy and illegal.
|
normally this would be an automatic ah judgement. but what restaurant in this day and age will take a card for payment but not for a tip? nta.
|
nta
generally it's not cool to skip the tip, but the restaurant has created this problem and it's not your responsibility to fix it.
|
nta. based on the title i was gonna go in the other direction but they left you no choice but to not tip. a cash only tipping policy is ridiculous. who would possibly drive 10 minutes away to go to an atm and then go back to the restaurant to tip?
|
nta
i hate the idea of having to tip in america. in ireland, just like a normal fucking job, the employer is responsible for actually paying the workers a genuine good wage not minimum shit and the rest left for the consumer.
to date, living in ireland, i probably tipped a haircut person 2 euro and 5 euro to a waitress in the last 2 years.
i think its an absured idea that yous have to be pressured to tipping the employers in your country need to be enforced to pay better wages.
min wage isnt something we see alot in my country only in petrol stations and places like that but even then we don't tip them so it's a bullshit system
|
info: was there any signage indicating they don't accept credit card tips?
|
nta - if the restaurant don't accept tip from cards it's their own fault. i assume it's normal to use cards to pay where you live?
|
nta if you don't accept tips on the card you should say that before hand.
not everyone carries cash and it's super unprofessional to ask someone to drive to a third party store to use an atm and drive back to give you a tip.
like i almost think this is fake because that's crazy to think a waitress would suggest that
|
nta- seems like the restaurant set themselves up for failure on this one. its 2020, alot of people dont carry cash.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i went out for lunch with my boyfriend’s mom. i was treating her out because her husband is out of town and i didn’t want her to be alone for valentines. everything was lovely until the bill came. i pay for everything with my cards. but according to this restaurant, they don’t accept tip until its cash. i don’t have cash so i didn’t tip. the sever told me i can run to the mall that is about a 10 mins away to get a tip out of the atm. i couldn’t possibly do that because i had to drive my boyfriend’s mom home and then go back to work. i said no thanks and didn’t tip. the server was a bit annoyed and my bf’s mom said we should have just went to the atm. she told my bf that she was embarrassed. my bf is a bit upset with me for doing that because he’s been a server before. update update! i tried to remediate the situation by calling the place and asking if i can come back and tip the waitress. turns out, they do tip by credit but the waitress wanted cash tip so she skipped the tip screen on the machine and told me they didn’t accept credit tip.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i went out for lunch with my boyfriend’s mom. i was treating her out because her husband is out of town and i didn’t want her to be alone for valentines. everything was lovely until the bill came. i pay for everything with my cards. but according to this restaurant, they don’t accept tip until its cash. i don’t have cash so i didn’t tip. the sever told me i can run to the mall that is about a 10 mins away to get a tip out of the atm. i couldn’t possibly do that because i had to drive my boyfriend’s mom home and then go back to work. i said no thanks and didn’t tip. the server was a bit annoyed and my bf’s mom said we should have just went to the atm. she told my bf that she was embarrassed. my bf is a bit upset with me for doing that because he’s been a server before. update update! i tried to remediate the situation by calling the place and asking if i can come back and tip the waitress. turns out, they do tip by credit but the waitress wanted cash tip so she skipped the tip screen on the machine and told me they didn’t accept credit tip. [/INST] nta that’s super sketchy, sounds like they may not be reporting their tip income </s>
|
AITA for the way I reacted to my pets being neglected?
|
this past week i had to go on a business trip. it’s been planned since january and a good friend of mine agreed to stay at my place with my two dogs during the four days i’d be gone (i live alone; she lives with roommates, so it’d be a win-win. she escapes the roomies and has time to herself for a few days, my dogs don’t become attention starved.) i paid her the week before i left, because she and i have been longtime friends and i had full faith in her.
she texts me the next day and says she’s too sick to leave her house, which is really unfortunate but not ultimately her fault, so i had to scramble to get my neighbors to stop by the house at different intervals to let my dogs out / feed them.
anyway, my friend lets it slip that she spent that whole day with another friend of ours, hanging out and doing whatever. i immediately got upset, saying we had an agreement and she lied to me and bailed. she kept insisting she was really sick and only ended up at her friends house “for a quick chat” before “accidentally” spending a few hours hanging out with them.
when i got home my poor dogs had chewed on the furniture and gone to the bathroom around the house out of frustration and anxiety. they’ve been glued to my hip since i got back. i feel so bad for them. i ended up going off on my friend, telling her i didn’t believe her bullshit story about being sick, and ended the friendship over it. she kept saying “you’re literally ending our whole friendship because i caught the flu. wow.” aita? is there any chance she’s not lying?
| 1,560 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cffocu/aita_for_the_way_i_reacted_to_my_pets_being/
|
2019-07-20 00:45:55
|
nta
she lied about not being able to get out of the house clearly because she got out of the house for something else. the fact that you ended your friendship over this means it was either on thin ice or not very strong so it’s probably better for the both of you.
|
nta if she was well enough to visit a friend, she could have camped out on your couch with your dogs.
|
nta, not only did she agree to watch your dogs, you even *paid* her. she sounds very scummy and honestly this wasn't even a "friendship."
|
nta and i hope you ask for your money back. if she had the flu she couldn’t “accidentally” hang out with someone for a few hours.
|
nta. if she was so sick, she wouldn't have spent hours hanging out with her friend. especially if she had the flu, that's not what i would call a social illness. it's a pure misery. personally, i would have preferred to recuperate in your nice, quiet house with the pups than in a house full of roommates.
it's perfectly acceptable to end a friendship over lies.
|
depends but i'd say nta, her story sounds fake, if she was well enough to go to her friend's house she was well enough to care for your dogs
|
she needs to return your money. she could have stayed there on your couch. not that you needed it. nta.
|
nta this chick is totally lying. you don't go hang out with friends when you have the flu, and no friend would want you to because they'd catch it too.
|
nta. also not sure why her being sick would even stop her? go to your house bundle up in blankets and with dogs have some soup and sleep. in fact it might have been an even better environment since there are no roomies coming and going. unless op would be skeeved out by a sick person in their place that really should have been the no brainer option.
|
nta
she committed to looking after your dogs. those dogs depended on her and she bailed. if she was well enough to go visiting then she was well enough to look after the dogs.
personally i wouldn’t want to be friends with people who would think that it was ok to bail on someone who was dependent on them, especially if that someone was an animal.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this past week i had to go on a business trip. it’s been planned since january and a good friend of mine agreed to stay at my place with my two dogs during the four days i’d be gone (i live alone; she lives with roommates, so it’d be a win-win. she escapes the roomies and has time to herself for a few days, my dogs don’t become attention starved.) i paid her the week before i left, because she and i have been longtime friends and i had full faith in her. she texts me the next day and says she’s too sick to leave her house, which is really unfortunate but not ultimately her fault, so i had to scramble to get my neighbors to stop by the house at different intervals to let my dogs out / feed them. anyway, my friend lets it slip that she spent that whole day with another friend of ours, hanging out and doing whatever. i immediately got upset, saying we had an agreement and she lied to me and bailed. she kept insisting she was really sick and only ended up at her friends house “for a quick chat” before “accidentally” spending a few hours hanging out with them. when i got home my poor dogs had chewed on the furniture and gone to the bathroom around the house out of frustration and anxiety. they’ve been glued to my hip since i got back. i feel so bad for them. i ended up going off on my friend, telling her i didn’t believe her bullshit story about being sick, and ended the friendship over it. she kept saying “you’re literally ending our whole friendship because i caught the flu. wow.” aita? is there any chance she’s not lying?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this past week i had to go on a business trip. it’s been planned since january and a good friend of mine agreed to stay at my place with my two dogs during the four days i’d be gone (i live alone; she lives with roommates, so it’d be a win-win. she escapes the roomies and has time to herself for a few days, my dogs don’t become attention starved.) i paid her the week before i left, because she and i have been longtime friends and i had full faith in her. she texts me the next day and says she’s too sick to leave her house, which is really unfortunate but not ultimately her fault, so i had to scramble to get my neighbors to stop by the house at different intervals to let my dogs out / feed them. anyway, my friend lets it slip that she spent that whole day with another friend of ours, hanging out and doing whatever. i immediately got upset, saying we had an agreement and she lied to me and bailed. she kept insisting she was really sick and only ended up at her friends house “for a quick chat” before “accidentally” spending a few hours hanging out with them. when i got home my poor dogs had chewed on the furniture and gone to the bathroom around the house out of frustration and anxiety. they’ve been glued to my hip since i got back. i feel so bad for them. i ended up going off on my friend, telling her i didn’t believe her bullshit story about being sick, and ended the friendship over it. she kept saying “you’re literally ending our whole friendship because i caught the flu. wow.” aita? is there any chance she’s not lying? [/INST] nta she lied about not being able to get out of the house clearly because she got out of the house for something else. the fact that you ended your friendship over this means it was either on thin ice or not very strong so it’s probably better for the both of you. </s>
|
WIBTA if I didn’t let my dying mother move in with me?
|
my mom (62f) has about 5-10 years left to live. she asked to move in with me, and i said yes. i have a three bedroom house which is 1500 sq ft.
my mom lives alone in a 2000 sq ft home which she rents, but can’t afford anymore.
now the problem is that i use all three of my bedrooms. one is my room, one is my office (i work from home), and another is the kid’s room.
i cleaned out my office for her and moved it into the dining room, which is super overcrowded now. the house is already fully furnished btw.
my mom keeps complaining that she needs at least two bedrooms, one for her and one for her stuff, and that the rest of her stuff can go in the living room, my room, kitchen, etc. she wants her couch up and me to get rid of mine, all her kitchen utensils, all her paintings around the house, her armoire in the living room, her rugs instead of mine... basically get rid of all my furniture and put hers up.
on top of wanting that, like i mentioned, she wants another whole bedroom just for her stuff. she’s a bit of a hoarder while i’m a minimalist, she holds onto every paper she’s given, every “sentimental” object, etc. her house is just full of storage bins and she never even looks through them. she suggested that me and my kid share a room while she lives there.
i suggested maybe she’d want to spend her last years not surrounded by her stuff, and we could just enjoy our time together without it. that we could go outside in the fresh air, spend time with her family, her grandchildren, etc.
she completely snapped saying that i didn’t want her to be happy, that this was her dying wish and the only thing that makes her happy is being surrounded by her stuff.
i’m really torn up now, because she won’t compromise and i don’t want to put her in a nursing home (she’s still able bodied), but i also don’t want to give her my whole house, have to share a room with my kid, and get rid of all my furniture. it also irks me she’s constantly talking about how small and overpriced my home is, when space isn’t what really matters to me. i have a 6000 sq ft yard where me and my son spend most of our time.
i’m not really the type of person who likes collecting things and keeping things that i don’t look at/use, so i guess i’m not really able to understand her perspective.
wibta if i put her in a nursing home? i know she’d never forgive me. the only other option is let her figure it out herself, but she won’t settle for anything cheaper than her place now because “where will she put her stuff?”
i suggested storage too, but she says she needs to be surrounded by it.
| 303 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kiwv1z/wibta_if_i_didnt_let_my_dying_mother_move_in_with/
|
2020-12-23 17:07:54
|
nta. you don't get to play the " dying wish" card until you only have 6 months to live. the fact that your mom is doing it now with 10 years(?) to go just shows how selfish she is.
|
nta.
it's up to her: you already offered one room to her, she can accept or go to the nursing home.
also, how is she dying? 10 years left seem to me a difficult prediction...
|
nta.
you’re not talking 3 months. you’re talking possibly ten **years**. you don’t need to give up your *home* so that you can live in your mother’s home caring for her for ten years. that won’t be good for you or for your child.
there are plenty of solutions that do not involving you basically handing your mom control of your home. find her a small apartment nearby or something. it’s not uncommon for people to move a few times, downsizing more each time - it’s easier than doing one final move with a major downsizing.
|
nta
it’s your house. you’re helping her. don’t give up your room, don’t give up any furniture. if she wants to be surrounded by her stuff, she can get her own place.
you don’t need to put your life on hold for her. she asked for your help and now wants to rule your life. draw a strong boundary now or she’ll run all over you.
*edited to add*
your mother needs to figure out stuff doesn’t bring happiness.
this is about control.
|
nta. you offered up a spare bedroom. if thats not good enough then she doesnt want to move in. it sound like she may be better off in assisted living. stick to your boundaries, your house, your rules 🤷🏻♂️
|
she said it herself. “the only thing that makes her happy is being surrounded by her stuff.” not you or her family. so, nta. she can be happy in a nursing home with her “stuff.” she is the one making the choice.
|
i was going to call you out from the title but.. not to sound harsh but:
1. is she really dying- 5 to 10 years is a long time
2. why does she have to put you out to keep her stuff
3. it sounds like she's tired of renting and wants you to support her lifestyle
4. are you in the us, if so is she even claiming ssi or disability
5. can an able-bodied person go to a nursing home
6. what about assisted living
she sounds she only cares about herself and just wants your house and for you to pay her bills tbh
nta
|
nta. tbh - i think your mom suckered you with that ‘dying in maybe 10 years’ line.
|
nta. she can move in and have the single bedroom for her and her stuff or not move in at all. you will have to deal with all her stuff when she passes but that doesn't mean you should have to deal with it for the next 10 years. stand your ground and don't compromise.
|
this is emotional blackmail. i may only have 5 - 10 years, you may only have 5 years. i love my kids too much to want to impose on them that way. the last thing i want to be surrounded with would most definitely not be things (not anyone’s). i would hardly call a death in 5-10 years “impending” and she needs her own place.
i’ve lost many friends and relatives unexpectedly and if any of them came back it would not be to see their lamps.
nta
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mom (62f) has about 5-10 years left to live. she asked to move in with me, and i said yes. i have a three bedroom house which is 1500 sq ft. my mom lives alone in a 2000 sq ft home which she rents, but can’t afford anymore. now the problem is that i use all three of my bedrooms. one is my room, one is my office (i work from home), and another is the kid’s room. i cleaned out my office for her and moved it into the dining room, which is super overcrowded now. the house is already fully furnished btw. my mom keeps complaining that she needs at least two bedrooms, one for her and one for her stuff, and that the rest of her stuff can go in the living room, my room, kitchen, etc. she wants her couch up and me to get rid of mine, all her kitchen utensils, all her paintings around the house, her armoire in the living room, her rugs instead of mine... basically get rid of all my furniture and put hers up. on top of wanting that, like i mentioned, she wants another whole bedroom just for her stuff. she’s a bit of a hoarder while i’m a minimalist, she holds onto every paper she’s given, every “sentimental” object, etc. her house is just full of storage bins and she never even looks through them. she suggested that me and my kid share a room while she lives there. i suggested maybe she’d want to spend her last years not surrounded by her stuff, and we could just enjoy our time together without it. that we could go outside in the fresh air, spend time with her family, her grandchildren, etc. she completely snapped saying that i didn’t want her to be happy, that this was her dying wish and the only thing that makes her happy is being surrounded by her stuff. i’m really torn up now, because she won’t compromise and i don’t want to put her in a nursing home (she’s still able bodied), but i also don’t want to give her my whole house, have to share a room with my kid, and get rid of all my furniture. it also irks me she’s constantly talking about how small and overpriced my home is, when space isn’t what really matters to me. i have a 6000 sq ft yard where me and my son spend most of our time. i’m not really the type of person who likes collecting things and keeping things that i don’t look at/use, so i guess i’m not really able to understand her perspective. wibta if i put her in a nursing home? i know she’d never forgive me. the only other option is let her figure it out herself, but she won’t settle for anything cheaper than her place now because “where will she put her stuff?” i suggested storage too, but she says she needs to be surrounded by it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my mom (62f) has about 5-10 years left to live. she asked to move in with me, and i said yes. i have a three bedroom house which is 1500 sq ft. my mom lives alone in a 2000 sq ft home which she rents, but can’t afford anymore. now the problem is that i use all three of my bedrooms. one is my room, one is my office (i work from home), and another is the kid’s room. i cleaned out my office for her and moved it into the dining room, which is super overcrowded now. the house is already fully furnished btw. my mom keeps complaining that she needs at least two bedrooms, one for her and one for her stuff, and that the rest of her stuff can go in the living room, my room, kitchen, etc. she wants her couch up and me to get rid of mine, all her kitchen utensils, all her paintings around the house, her armoire in the living room, her rugs instead of mine... basically get rid of all my furniture and put hers up. on top of wanting that, like i mentioned, she wants another whole bedroom just for her stuff. she’s a bit of a hoarder while i’m a minimalist, she holds onto every paper she’s given, every “sentimental” object, etc. her house is just full of storage bins and she never even looks through them. she suggested that me and my kid share a room while she lives there. i suggested maybe she’d want to spend her last years not surrounded by her stuff, and we could just enjoy our time together without it. that we could go outside in the fresh air, spend time with her family, her grandchildren, etc. she completely snapped saying that i didn’t want her to be happy, that this was her dying wish and the only thing that makes her happy is being surrounded by her stuff. i’m really torn up now, because she won’t compromise and i don’t want to put her in a nursing home (she’s still able bodied), but i also don’t want to give her my whole house, have to share a room with my kid, and get rid of all my furniture. it also irks me she’s constantly talking about how small and overpriced my home is, when space isn’t what really matters to me. i have a 6000 sq ft yard where me and my son spend most of our time. i’m not really the type of person who likes collecting things and keeping things that i don’t look at/use, so i guess i’m not really able to understand her perspective. wibta if i put her in a nursing home? i know she’d never forgive me. the only other option is let her figure it out herself, but she won’t settle for anything cheaper than her place now because “where will she put her stuff?” i suggested storage too, but she says she needs to be surrounded by it. [/INST] nta. you don't get to play the " dying wish" card until you only have 6 months to live. the fact that your mom is doing it now with 10 years(?) to go just shows how selfish she is. </s>
|
AITA for how I respond to my coworkers' questions about having children?
|
i thought i was strictly childfree for a while but i changed my mind and now i'm on the fence, but leaning more towards "one day it'll happen, just not now". nobody really ever knew about my stance, then and now, because it's none of their business and frankly i think it's weird that people are so concerned about what i do with my uterus, but whatever.
i started at this job a few years ago and i work with a lot of different age ranges. the older generation of colleagues loves to know when i plan on starting a family and i'd always dodge the question, but eventually i started answering stuff like, "and give up sushi for 9 months? no thanks."
eventually i started to get more and more ridiculous with my replies to the dreaded question, "when are you having kids?"
"oh not for a while, i just had lunch."
"no thanks, i'd hate for it to grow up and become a magic: the gathering player." (i play mtg, don't come for me).
"but what if aliens take it? can babies wear tinfoil hats?"
"why would i make kids when i can just make a tuna sandwich?"
some of my answers don't even make sense. they're intentionally stupid and i thought i wasn't causing any harm until i was called up by hr last week because one of my colleagues (who i've never discussed this with, only ever to the older colleagues who ask when i'm having kids) who is struggling with her fertility filed a complaint. i instantly felt absolutely horrible because what is so silly and innocent to me has upset my colleague who i actually really like. hr told me that they would handle my older colleagues, but i couldn't joke around about not having kids anymore because it might upset people.
i didn't mean to upset anybody. i went home feeling absolutely devastated and told my husband who said that i'm not in the wrong. my friends think my comments were in poor taste though because it's natural for older people to see somebody my age and assume they're about to start a family.
editing to add: i did tell my colleagues in the beginning that i didn't want to talk about it but they are very persistent.
| 2,323 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nqqkn5/aita_for_how_i_respond_to_my_coworkers_questions/
|
2021-06-02 17:00:09
|
nta. sounds like your co-worker is having serious mental health issues if banter like that is upsetting her to the point she takes it to hr. and your older co-workers are huge ahs. what if instead of being on the fence you were seriously struggling like your infertile colleague? it is *so* not their business, and completely inappropriate work conversation.
edit to add, and if you *did* say you were trying to have kids, that can harm you in the workplace too. plenty of places won’t promote women who they think will get pregnant and take leave. it’s illegal, but i have seen it happen.
|
nta - it's inappropriate for people to be asking you about your personal life when you've said you don't want to talk about it. your comments would never have existed if they respected your wishes and stopped asking you about it.
|
nta. you are allowed to answer your co-workers’ highly personal and unprofessional questions however you want. a co-worker asked me when i’d be having kids on a group call two weeks after i experienced a loss, and i said very directly, “that’s a highly personal and inappropriate question to ask anyone.” older folks might think it’s okay to ask.... it’s not. people do not know the struggles or beliefs of others, and like you said, your uterus should not be on their minds. fertility questions are no longer consider appropriate.
your co-worker who filed the complaint should have come to you (either in person or email if she didn’t feel comfortable face-to-face) before going to hr. you sound like someone who would have been understanding and shifted tones to less humor and more “that’s not appropriate to ask.”
|
nta
honestly the woman who reported you is kind of an ah. she overheard something you said to someone else and got offended and then reported you to hr instead of just saying something to you herself; that’s such an entitled thing to do. i know she’s hurting but expecting everyone to cater to her needs is selfish to the extreme. and why did she even complain about? you making a joke about babies? you weren’t even making any commentary about being child free! you were literally just telling jokes!
|
nta
just say "i am not discussing this with you because last time we discussed this i got dragged into hr for a severe talking to, please drop this topic from out conversation list"
|
nta. go back to hr and tell them you've been thinking about how you feel somewhat harassed and bullied by people continually asking you about your childbearing plans, thus the silly answers. in other words, you felt trapped and harassed, but *they started it*. see if hr has advice on what you should say, since you feel you are being ***oppressed, harassed and bullied****.* use all the magic words. ask if you should *continue to* keep a written record of every time someone asks you about it.
|
nta
you didnt bring up the topic, would they be any happier if youd have been excited about the idea?
hr really shit the bed on that one, you're brushing off personal questions what else are you supposed to do.
|
nta... you don't owe them any explanation and its very unprofessional for them to ask you these types of questions. what if you were the one with infertility issues and that was your way of being light on the subject... honestly i think they're in the wrong and hr should make them apologize to you. their age doesn't exclude them from ramifications or give them excuse to behave like that.
secondly if your co worker is having infertility issues they should've sympathized and understood how uncomfortable it is to be asked that question.
|
nta. but i really don't understand the e s h or implications you did something wrong. literally yesterday there was a post about a person who hid a happy moment in their life for months because a friend/coworker had a tough time and the coworker still freaked out when the happy event came out (not even to them, just in the office). and everyone thought the coworker was an ah for expecting no one else to have a happy moment for the rest of her life because of her unhappy moment. so, why does this coworker get to complain about a conversation they weren't even involved in that was just a funny response to incredibly personal and inappropriate questions when it's tangentially related to their life?
ugh, your responses were funny. people need to get their heads out of their butts.
|
nta. ok this post cracked me up because of your creative ways of answering your coworkers. you are not the asshole. in reality, these questions were making you uncomfortable and you were trying to navigate the situation without being rude and closed off. while you need to be more sensitive now that the situation has been brought to your attention - i think it’s important to note that fertility issues can be super emotionally trying in itself and in my experience it can be a wide variety of subjects in relation to having a family that can upset someone with fertility issues (which is understandable). you were not randomly bringing this topic up on your own and while this situation can make you more aware of similar situations in the future, and you can feel compassion and empathy to your coworkers who’s feelings were hurt - you are not solely responsible for her response. her response/sensitivity to what you said has been exasperated by the immense pressure she is feeling as a result of her unfortunate situation.
be mindful of this in the future, and i would come up with a 1 sentence, polite response in case a coworker does ask you about this in the future. be direct and don’t tip toe around it.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i thought i was strictly childfree for a while but i changed my mind and now i'm on the fence, but leaning more towards "one day it'll happen, just not now". nobody really ever knew about my stance, then and now, because it's none of their business and frankly i think it's weird that people are so concerned about what i do with my uterus, but whatever. i started at this job a few years ago and i work with a lot of different age ranges. the older generation of colleagues loves to know when i plan on starting a family and i'd always dodge the question, but eventually i started answering stuff like, "and give up sushi for 9 months? no thanks." eventually i started to get more and more ridiculous with my replies to the dreaded question, "when are you having kids?" "oh not for a while, i just had lunch." "no thanks, i'd hate for it to grow up and become a magic: the gathering player." (i play mtg, don't come for me). "but what if aliens take it? can babies wear tinfoil hats?" "why would i make kids when i can just make a tuna sandwich?" some of my answers don't even make sense. they're intentionally stupid and i thought i wasn't causing any harm until i was called up by hr last week because one of my colleagues (who i've never discussed this with, only ever to the older colleagues who ask when i'm having kids) who is struggling with her fertility filed a complaint. i instantly felt absolutely horrible because what is so silly and innocent to me has upset my colleague who i actually really like. hr told me that they would handle my older colleagues, but i couldn't joke around about not having kids anymore because it might upset people. i didn't mean to upset anybody. i went home feeling absolutely devastated and told my husband who said that i'm not in the wrong. my friends think my comments were in poor taste though because it's natural for older people to see somebody my age and assume they're about to start a family. editing to add: i did tell my colleagues in the beginning that i didn't want to talk about it but they are very persistent.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i thought i was strictly childfree for a while but i changed my mind and now i'm on the fence, but leaning more towards "one day it'll happen, just not now". nobody really ever knew about my stance, then and now, because it's none of their business and frankly i think it's weird that people are so concerned about what i do with my uterus, but whatever. i started at this job a few years ago and i work with a lot of different age ranges. the older generation of colleagues loves to know when i plan on starting a family and i'd always dodge the question, but eventually i started answering stuff like, "and give up sushi for 9 months? no thanks." eventually i started to get more and more ridiculous with my replies to the dreaded question, "when are you having kids?" "oh not for a while, i just had lunch." "no thanks, i'd hate for it to grow up and become a magic: the gathering player." (i play mtg, don't come for me). "but what if aliens take it? can babies wear tinfoil hats?" "why would i make kids when i can just make a tuna sandwich?" some of my answers don't even make sense. they're intentionally stupid and i thought i wasn't causing any harm until i was called up by hr last week because one of my colleagues (who i've never discussed this with, only ever to the older colleagues who ask when i'm having kids) who is struggling with her fertility filed a complaint. i instantly felt absolutely horrible because what is so silly and innocent to me has upset my colleague who i actually really like. hr told me that they would handle my older colleagues, but i couldn't joke around about not having kids anymore because it might upset people. i didn't mean to upset anybody. i went home feeling absolutely devastated and told my husband who said that i'm not in the wrong. my friends think my comments were in poor taste though because it's natural for older people to see somebody my age and assume they're about to start a family. editing to add: i did tell my colleagues in the beginning that i didn't want to talk about it but they are very persistent. [/INST] nta. sounds like your co-worker is having serious mental health issues if banter like that is upsetting her to the point she takes it to hr. and your older co-workers are huge ahs. what if instead of being on the fence you were seriously struggling like your infertile colleague? it is *so* not their business, and completely inappropriate work conversation. edit to add, and if you *did* say you were trying to have kids, that can harm you in the workplace too. plenty of places won’t promote women who they think will get pregnant and take leave. it’s illegal, but i have seen it happen. </s>
|
AITA for telling another nurse that a full vial of Xylocaine was left unsupervised in my room as I was leaving?
|
this morning, i(23f) went to urgent care because i had an abscess that was bleeding and needed to be properly drained. the doctor used xylocaine as the numbing agent.
after everything was done and the doctor and nursing student left room, i got dressed. i noticed the vial of xylocaine sitting on the sink and they also left the small tub filled with the new needles and scalpels in the room as well while i was getting dressed.
i don’t know if xylocaine is like morphine or other drugs like that that need to be closely monitored. so as i left, i let a random nurse know that the medication and surgical tools were left in my room unsupervised, just in case those are things that can’t just be left anywhere.
when i was leaving to head out to the lobby, i saw that the nursing student was being, what appeared to be scolded. she saw me and was glaring at me while i was leaving. i feel bad because i wasn’t trying to get anyone yelled at or anything. but she looked like she was catching some heat and i really didn’t want that. i didn’t even say who was in the room during my procedure, just that it was left in there. i just feel bad i caused someone to get in some trouble. aita?
| 1,002 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mvk7gh/aita_for_telling_another_nurse_that_a_full_vial/
|
2021-04-21 17:03:49
|
nta. in fact your the responsible one here, if she got yelled at then you saved her and the hospital from a possible lawsuit. she should be apologizing to you and thanking you for what you did.
|
nta. nurse here, btw. xylocaine a numbing agent, nothing like morphine, but it is still a a prescription drug. we work hard to ensure pt safety and this includes not leaving drugs, needles, or sharps, or anything potentially harmful in a patient or visitor’s reach. the student should not have been scolded where patients or visitors could see as that is ridiculously unprofessional, but it is important that she be made aware of her error now, as opposed to later when the repercussions could be more dire. it’s important for our patients and their families to speak up about any concerns they might have because they need to be active members of their own healthcare team. thank you for being observant and communicative and please continue to do so in the future:)
|
nta, you did the right thing, if they don’t learn now then they’ll learn later in a moment that could possibly end their career
|
nta look at it this way. what do you think will be more damaging for that nurses career, being told off because stuff was left out and someone *could* have done something bad with it, or being told off because some sort of dangerous or illegal activity occurred because stuff was left out?
|
nta - better for a trainee to get a scolding now, than get fired or arrested later when someone ods on meds left in a room.
|
nurses and doctors are responsible for lives! there can't be any coddling so if she was the one who left stuff out she did deserve the heat she's got to learn for next time.
|
xylocaine/lidocaine isn't a dangerous drug, and you weren't disoriented or confused. there was no danger. it's still good practice to not leave that lying around because frankly, patients are idiots and will steal anything. leaving propofol out would be a big problem, and students should build good habits.
nta, all you did was ask, and with good intentions.
|
nta she should not have been berated in public, if that is what you were seeing.
whoever has been training her needs to relook at their training procedures to ensure that everyone is learning what they need to learn about proper procedures and controls.
|
nurse here: 1. xylocaine is just a numbing agent, not something that’s locked away or needing to be closely monitored, but since you didn’t know that it’s good that you let someone know just in case. there’s no reason to be ashamed about that by either you or her. 2. the needles and scalpels are a safety hazard and should definitely be stored more appropriately, so again, something that needs to be mentioned and addressed, so nothing to be ashamed of on your part. 3. it’s a teaching moment for that student. it was a couple mistakes and now’s the time to learn. if she was getting chewed out for these things it makes me think it’s not her first couple mistakes and she needs to be more careful. all in all, you’re nta, and that student was unprofessional for *glaring* at you.
|
i think it is obvious you are nta
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this morning, i(23f) went to urgent care because i had an abscess that was bleeding and needed to be properly drained. the doctor used xylocaine as the numbing agent. after everything was done and the doctor and nursing student left room, i got dressed. i noticed the vial of xylocaine sitting on the sink and they also left the small tub filled with the new needles and scalpels in the room as well while i was getting dressed. i don’t know if xylocaine is like morphine or other drugs like that that need to be closely monitored. so as i left, i let a random nurse know that the medication and surgical tools were left in my room unsupervised, just in case those are things that can’t just be left anywhere. when i was leaving to head out to the lobby, i saw that the nursing student was being, what appeared to be scolded. she saw me and was glaring at me while i was leaving. i feel bad because i wasn’t trying to get anyone yelled at or anything. but she looked like she was catching some heat and i really didn’t want that. i didn’t even say who was in the room during my procedure, just that it was left in there. i just feel bad i caused someone to get in some trouble. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this morning, i(23f) went to urgent care because i had an abscess that was bleeding and needed to be properly drained. the doctor used xylocaine as the numbing agent. after everything was done and the doctor and nursing student left room, i got dressed. i noticed the vial of xylocaine sitting on the sink and they also left the small tub filled with the new needles and scalpels in the room as well while i was getting dressed. i don’t know if xylocaine is like morphine or other drugs like that that need to be closely monitored. so as i left, i let a random nurse know that the medication and surgical tools were left in my room unsupervised, just in case those are things that can’t just be left anywhere. when i was leaving to head out to the lobby, i saw that the nursing student was being, what appeared to be scolded. she saw me and was glaring at me while i was leaving. i feel bad because i wasn’t trying to get anyone yelled at or anything. but she looked like she was catching some heat and i really didn’t want that. i didn’t even say who was in the room during my procedure, just that it was left in there. i just feel bad i caused someone to get in some trouble. aita? [/INST] nta. in fact your the responsible one here, if she got yelled at then you saved her and the hospital from a possible lawsuit. she should be apologizing to you and thanking you for what you did. </s>
|
WIBTA if I didn't give the wedding gift at the official gift receiving proccess because I think it's made to shame guests?
|
i have been friends with the bride for around 10 years, but we stopped talking regularly in the last 3 years when she moved out of the country. now she's back in her hometown, and we got to catch up right before her wedding, which is set to happen in less than a month. as we are neighbors, and the wedding is happening soon, i have been involved with planning and helping moh with some details. (i live in the capital city 10months, 2 months in the 'bride' city.)
&#x200b;
i was talking with the moh (who i met a few days ago) and she told me she is worried about not being able to handle the alcohol during the gift recieving proccess. apparently, there is a particular way the gifts are being recieved at the weddings here, and i was shocked to learn about it. around 3 in the morning, the guests usually form a line at the venue, come up to the moh and best man one by one, and announce on the mic who is giving what kind of gift to the newelyweds, and then the guest and the moh or bm take a shot. thing is, it is tradition to give money in the envelope, and there is not a set amount we are supposed to give, but it's usually around 200-300 euros (from my experience) or more (if the person can afford/wants to give more).
&#x200b;
i asked the moh if she was sure they had to read the amount of money that is given, and she said yes, and even asked why not when she saw the look on my face. now, i didn't want to say it was incredibly rude to put your guests on the spot like that, but the more i think about it, the more i'm annoyed. i don't want the amount of money me and my family are gifting to be read in front of 250 people. we are not rich by any means and even though i won't be giving less than the usual amount of money, i still feel it is disrespectful to put anyone on the blast like that. it's our gift for the bride and groom, not a gossip piece for people to talk about later.
&#x200b;
&#x200b;
because my sister is incredibly shy, and only me and her are going to the wedding, i will certainly have to be the one to do the wedding gift proccess. i was wondering if i could simply ask the bride or the moh to give them the gift before or after, but also i don't want to put more preassure on the bride because she is already stressed out and the moh seems to like the idea of that kind of gift proccess.
&#x200b;
wibta if i asked to give the gift privately, before or after the wedding (or after the wedding reception/gift giving proccess)?
| 639 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d2n64e/wibta_if_i_didnt_give_the_wedding_gift_at_the/
|
2019-09-11 09:00:56
|
nta, this is *horrifying.* poor bm and moh are totally gonna get alcohol poisoning, for one, and you’re right about it being a way for them to shame their guests into outdoing each other’s generosity.
if i were you, i’d claim a stomach bug or a migraine or something and dip out a while before it begins. 3am is late as hell anyway.
|
nta, i think its rude to put people on the spot like that and to make it a big thing too, if everyone is giving a gift and it's like over 250 people, at three in the morning, you're going to be there for forever.
|
nta
i agree that moh and bm should be worried about that procedure, lol. at 3am, after hours of wedding party, they are supposed to have (with 250 guests, say 2.5 guests per gift on average = 250/2.5 = \~100 shots) 50 shots each? good luck with that ...).
i would make sure you and your sister present separate gifts, if only to further increase the number of envelopes/shots at that idiotic event :-)
|
nta that shit is weird af.
|
nta, if it makes you feel uncomfortable? are these people ethnically from wenzhou (china)? i tend to avoid these weddings because they have the exact same tradition, but those red envelopes tend to go in the thousands of euros. equivalent to who's dick is longer...
|
nta. by far most people would have the same reaction as you did. this does seems to be the norm for a small amount of people, as i've seen this (similar) story on this sub before. consensus then was nta. you would not be the asshole for wanting to give the gift privately.
let's face it: it's weird. it puts pressure on guests to give more so they won't be embarrassed. people that don't have a lot of money shouldn't be put on the spot like that. heck, nobody should be put on the spot like that if they don't want to, even if they do have money and give a big gift.
|
nta i'd be in bed by 3 am anyway
|
info is the money announcement a cultural thing for this family’s wedding?
|
nta, that process sounds like a bad shout all around
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
| null | 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have been friends with the bride for around 10 years, but we stopped talking regularly in the last 3 years when she moved out of the country. now she's back in her hometown, and we got to catch up right before her wedding, which is set to happen in less than a month. as we are neighbors, and the wedding is happening soon, i have been involved with planning and helping moh with some details. (i live in the capital city 10months, 2 months in the 'bride' city.) &#x200b; i was talking with the moh (who i met a few days ago) and she told me she is worried about not being able to handle the alcohol during the gift recieving proccess. apparently, there is a particular way the gifts are being recieved at the weddings here, and i was shocked to learn about it. around 3 in the morning, the guests usually form a line at the venue, come up to the moh and best man one by one, and announce on the mic who is giving what kind of gift to the newelyweds, and then the guest and the moh or bm take a shot. thing is, it is tradition to give money in the envelope, and there is not a set amount we are supposed to give, but it's usually around 200-300 euros (from my experience) or more (if the person can afford/wants to give more). &#x200b; i asked the moh if she was sure they had to read the amount of money that is given, and she said yes, and even asked why not when she saw the look on my face. now, i didn't want to say it was incredibly rude to put your guests on the spot like that, but the more i think about it, the more i'm annoyed. i don't want the amount of money me and my family are gifting to be read in front of 250 people. we are not rich by any means and even though i won't be giving less than the usual amount of money, i still feel it is disrespectful to put anyone on the blast like that. it's our gift for the bride and groom, not a gossip piece for people to talk about later. &#x200b; &#x200b; because my sister is incredibly shy, and only me and her are going to the wedding, i will certainly have to be the one to do the wedding gift proccess. i was wondering if i could simply ask the bride or the moh to give them the gift before or after, but also i don't want to put more preassure on the bride because she is already stressed out and the moh seems to like the idea of that kind of gift proccess. &#x200b; wibta if i asked to give the gift privately, before or after the wedding (or after the wedding reception/gift giving proccess)?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have been friends with the bride for around 10 years, but we stopped talking regularly in the last 3 years when she moved out of the country. now she's back in her hometown, and we got to catch up right before her wedding, which is set to happen in less than a month. as we are neighbors, and the wedding is happening soon, i have been involved with planning and helping moh with some details. (i live in the capital city 10months, 2 months in the 'bride' city.) &#x200b; i was talking with the moh (who i met a few days ago) and she told me she is worried about not being able to handle the alcohol during the gift recieving proccess. apparently, there is a particular way the gifts are being recieved at the weddings here, and i was shocked to learn about it. around 3 in the morning, the guests usually form a line at the venue, come up to the moh and best man one by one, and announce on the mic who is giving what kind of gift to the newelyweds, and then the guest and the moh or bm take a shot. thing is, it is tradition to give money in the envelope, and there is not a set amount we are supposed to give, but it's usually around 200-300 euros (from my experience) or more (if the person can afford/wants to give more). &#x200b; i asked the moh if she was sure they had to read the amount of money that is given, and she said yes, and even asked why not when she saw the look on my face. now, i didn't want to say it was incredibly rude to put your guests on the spot like that, but the more i think about it, the more i'm annoyed. i don't want the amount of money me and my family are gifting to be read in front of 250 people. we are not rich by any means and even though i won't be giving less than the usual amount of money, i still feel it is disrespectful to put anyone on the blast like that. it's our gift for the bride and groom, not a gossip piece for people to talk about later. &#x200b; &#x200b; because my sister is incredibly shy, and only me and her are going to the wedding, i will certainly have to be the one to do the wedding gift proccess. i was wondering if i could simply ask the bride or the moh to give them the gift before or after, but also i don't want to put more preassure on the bride because she is already stressed out and the moh seems to like the idea of that kind of gift proccess. &#x200b; wibta if i asked to give the gift privately, before or after the wedding (or after the wedding reception/gift giving proccess)? [/INST] nta, this is *horrifying.* poor bm and moh are totally gonna get alcohol poisoning, for one, and you’re right about it being a way for them to shame their guests into outdoing each other’s generosity. if i were you, i’d claim a stomach bug or a migraine or something and dip out a while before it begins. 3am is late as hell anyway. </s>
|
AITA For not wanting to "share" my small business plan with my boyfriend?
|
** he responded to the post and he knows he messed up. we're talking about it and i am not leaving him. yes, he was being an asshole, but he was an asshole with good intentions. please stop telling me to leave him. he is so sweet and kind and other than this everything with him is perfect. **
hi reddit. this feels so stupid but i feel so frustrated every time this comes up.
so i am plant crazy. i love taking care of them, and researching their needs. i got into them to help with my anxiety and depression and it has really helped. my dream is to open a tiny little plant nursery as a side business in the future. i have a whole notebook dedicated to this dream and nothing else. i have almost every detail and work towards it all the time.
my boyfriend knows about my plan and is very supportive, but not for the same reason i am. i want this to make me happy and make others happy. he sees money and nothing else. when i talk about small details i want (for example, using compostable pots instead of plastic) he jumps to how it'll be more expensive so i should do the alternative he likes. i just want to dream and have my happy little shop.
what i feel like really crossed a line was when he not only said that i would open it under his llc (which he doesn't even have yet), but he decided to "test it out" and started selling some plants on facebook marketplace and starting acting like he knew it all.
i told him that i absolutely will not be opening this under anything but my name because this is my baby, and i don't want him in this for the wrong reasons and nothing else. his response was "how will you get the money for it than" which i felt was more condescending than helpful.
when he started selling the plants he acted like he knew everything and wouldn't listen to anything i said. he ended up selling some dead plants and even gave one to me. i told him it was dead and all he would say is "no it's not" and "we'll see" and refused to admit that maybe he didn't know how to tell.
i feel like he's overstepping into my dream and trying to take over. where i see happiness he sees an extra source of income and nothing else.
am i overreacting here? or is he trying to take over?
tldr; i feel like my boyfriend is trying to take over my dream and change it, but i can't tell.
| 1,109 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mkxeh8/aita_for_not_wanting_to_share_my_small_business/
|
2021-04-05 23:03:31
|
nta he is showing you who he is and what he believes in. believe him.
|
nta. he sounds incredibly controlling. i would consider his reaction to something as important to you as this is, because that's certainly indicative of how he would react to other events in the future as a partner.
i am loathe to buy into the "dump him" mentality of this sub, but if he's being like this now, i can't imagine how he would be in the future with marriage, buying a house, raising a child, or whatever your plans may be.
|
[removed]
|
how would compostable pots be more expensive you can literally make them out of old newspapers! nta! i hope you get your dream and that you get it all by and all to yourself! having a supportive partner is great but if he is overstepping and bringing you down then he's not supporting you. maybe time to have a calm word and tell him how you feel. if he dismisses your feelings i would call that a deal breaker!
|
he is trying to take over. you don’t need him to either fund it or organize it. small business loans exist. he does not need to be involved.
|
nta but the fact that you "can't tell" is extremely worrying. your partner sounds like a greedy pile of that good fertiliser and if you can't see that then maybe you should step back and examine the whole relationship for why you are doubting yourself
|
nta
he doesn’t sound supportive. it sounds like you guys want very different things out of life. maybe you should reevaluate if this is the right relationship for you.
|
nta. your boyfriend needs to back off. he is trying to take over and turn this into something it was never meant to be. the fact that he's selling dead plants shows he's not only incompetent in this area, but also pretty unprofessional if he's willing to rip off his customers. that he won't even listen to you as the expert on the subject is really problematic. his ego will get in the way of you having success with this. are you sure this guy is worth your time and energy? because he sounds exhausting.
|
there is a line between being enthusiastic and supportive of your dream-and trying to *steal* it, and your bf *passed* that line some time ago, and lapped it when *he started selling dead plants.* wtf and, you are nta, and good luck with your dream :)
|
info - was the dead plant a norwegian blue?
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ** he responded to the post and he knows he messed up. we're talking about it and i am not leaving him. yes, he was being an asshole, but he was an asshole with good intentions. please stop telling me to leave him. he is so sweet and kind and other than this everything with him is perfect. ** hi reddit. this feels so stupid but i feel so frustrated every time this comes up. so i am plant crazy. i love taking care of them, and researching their needs. i got into them to help with my anxiety and depression and it has really helped. my dream is to open a tiny little plant nursery as a side business in the future. i have a whole notebook dedicated to this dream and nothing else. i have almost every detail and work towards it all the time. my boyfriend knows about my plan and is very supportive, but not for the same reason i am. i want this to make me happy and make others happy. he sees money and nothing else. when i talk about small details i want (for example, using compostable pots instead of plastic) he jumps to how it'll be more expensive so i should do the alternative he likes. i just want to dream and have my happy little shop. what i feel like really crossed a line was when he not only said that i would open it under his llc (which he doesn't even have yet), but he decided to "test it out" and started selling some plants on facebook marketplace and starting acting like he knew it all. i told him that i absolutely will not be opening this under anything but my name because this is my baby, and i don't want him in this for the wrong reasons and nothing else. his response was "how will you get the money for it than" which i felt was more condescending than helpful. when he started selling the plants he acted like he knew everything and wouldn't listen to anything i said. he ended up selling some dead plants and even gave one to me. i told him it was dead and all he would say is "no it's not" and "we'll see" and refused to admit that maybe he didn't know how to tell. i feel like he's overstepping into my dream and trying to take over. where i see happiness he sees an extra source of income and nothing else. am i overreacting here? or is he trying to take over? tldr; i feel like my boyfriend is trying to take over my dream and change it, but i can't tell.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
** he responded to the post and he knows he messed up. we're talking about it and i am not leaving him. yes, he was being an asshole, but he was an asshole with good intentions. please stop telling me to leave him. he is so sweet and kind and other than this everything with him is perfect. ** hi reddit. this feels so stupid but i feel so frustrated every time this comes up. so i am plant crazy. i love taking care of them, and researching their needs. i got into them to help with my anxiety and depression and it has really helped. my dream is to open a tiny little plant nursery as a side business in the future. i have a whole notebook dedicated to this dream and nothing else. i have almost every detail and work towards it all the time. my boyfriend knows about my plan and is very supportive, but not for the same reason i am. i want this to make me happy and make others happy. he sees money and nothing else. when i talk about small details i want (for example, using compostable pots instead of plastic) he jumps to how it'll be more expensive so i should do the alternative he likes. i just want to dream and have my happy little shop. what i feel like really crossed a line was when he not only said that i would open it under his llc (which he doesn't even have yet), but he decided to "test it out" and started selling some plants on facebook marketplace and starting acting like he knew it all. i told him that i absolutely will not be opening this under anything but my name because this is my baby, and i don't want him in this for the wrong reasons and nothing else. his response was "how will you get the money for it than" which i felt was more condescending than helpful. when he started selling the plants he acted like he knew everything and wouldn't listen to anything i said. he ended up selling some dead plants and even gave one to me. i told him it was dead and all he would say is "no it's not" and "we'll see" and refused to admit that maybe he didn't know how to tell. i feel like he's overstepping into my dream and trying to take over. where i see happiness he sees an extra source of income and nothing else. am i overreacting here? or is he trying to take over? tldr; i feel like my boyfriend is trying to take over my dream and change it, but i can't tell. [/INST] nta he is showing you who he is and what he believes in. believe him. </s>
|
AITA for not giving any of my winnings to my sister and BIL?
|
i(24f) went to celebrate my birthday at a local casino with a few friends and my boyfriend. i ended up winning a large amount. everyone was super excited and we all went out to dinner to celebrate. we went back home the next day and went to my parents house for a nice dinner.
my sister(26f) and her husband(28m) were at the celebration dinner. my sister and i dropped contact when she met her husband and become an addict. my parents did try and help them, but they told them to back off. i could tell when i walked in that my sister was not herself. i did my best to ignore any comments and it ended up being a nice time.
my parents asked how we did at the casino and we told them in private my winnings. my mom does have a big mouth and shouted the amount to everyone present. my sister walks over and asks if she and bil can have half to use for a new place. she was begging me to help her and i told her no, because i know what you will use the money on.
my boyfriend stepped in and told her to leave me alone. she looked me in the eyes and said i was trying to re-build our relationship, i guess you feel differently. she left with bil and have not heard anything. my parents think i should not have been so harsh.
aita?
| 10,276 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qibhwv/aita_for_not_giving_any_of_my_winnings_to_my/
|
2021-10-29 12:16:55
|
nta you don't rebuild a relationship by asking for money.
|
nta. your mother screwed up, and your sister and bil are delusional to ask for half your winnings. so suddenly she is "trying to rebuild your relationship" when you have something she wants. don't give her the money, and don't let this spoil your happiness about your win. congratulations, op! enjoy your winnings!
|
nta. not even remotely.
convenient that she wants to “rebuild your relationship” when you won money, though.
|
nta. "i'm trying to rebuild our relationship by allowing you to give me money" is a non-starter even if she weren't likely going to spend it on drugs. y'know, the stuff that messed up your relationship in the first place.
|
nta. hey op, i've never met you but i'd love to build a relationship with you. how about you give me a large chunk of money to buy a car. every time i drive that car i will think of you and that will bring us closer. no? well that's harsh, i guess you feel differently about our relationship you hateful troll. /s
|
nta
&#x200b;
your mom was the ah here. never trust her with anything again.
and obviously your sister - she was just after your money.
|
nta, what a convenient time to try to rebuild her relationship w you /s
|
nta.
looks like it’s time to keep your mom on a stricter information diet.
op, make sure you have the money in an account that your family can’t access. (others on this forum have made the mistake of keeping their checking account from their childhood for years, and their parents had full access to the funds.)
|
no. rebuilding a relationship is not predicated on you giving up your winnings. that is some manipulative junkie mental gymnastics. congrats on your win. your boyfriend sounds like he has your back. double win.
|
nta. your winnings to do with as you please.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(24f) went to celebrate my birthday at a local casino with a few friends and my boyfriend. i ended up winning a large amount. everyone was super excited and we all went out to dinner to celebrate. we went back home the next day and went to my parents house for a nice dinner. my sister(26f) and her husband(28m) were at the celebration dinner. my sister and i dropped contact when she met her husband and become an addict. my parents did try and help them, but they told them to back off. i could tell when i walked in that my sister was not herself. i did my best to ignore any comments and it ended up being a nice time. my parents asked how we did at the casino and we told them in private my winnings. my mom does have a big mouth and shouted the amount to everyone present. my sister walks over and asks if she and bil can have half to use for a new place. she was begging me to help her and i told her no, because i know what you will use the money on. my boyfriend stepped in and told her to leave me alone. she looked me in the eyes and said i was trying to re-build our relationship, i guess you feel differently. she left with bil and have not heard anything. my parents think i should not have been so harsh. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i(24f) went to celebrate my birthday at a local casino with a few friends and my boyfriend. i ended up winning a large amount. everyone was super excited and we all went out to dinner to celebrate. we went back home the next day and went to my parents house for a nice dinner. my sister(26f) and her husband(28m) were at the celebration dinner. my sister and i dropped contact when she met her husband and become an addict. my parents did try and help them, but they told them to back off. i could tell when i walked in that my sister was not herself. i did my best to ignore any comments and it ended up being a nice time. my parents asked how we did at the casino and we told them in private my winnings. my mom does have a big mouth and shouted the amount to everyone present. my sister walks over and asks if she and bil can have half to use for a new place. she was begging me to help her and i told her no, because i know what you will use the money on. my boyfriend stepped in and told her to leave me alone. she looked me in the eyes and said i was trying to re-build our relationship, i guess you feel differently. she left with bil and have not heard anything. my parents think i should not have been so harsh. aita? [/INST] nta you don't rebuild a relationship by asking for money. </s>
|
AITA for not giving my step-sisters access to my hygiene drawer?
|
i'll began by saying that both families are mostly girls, mom has 2 step-daughters (17f and 15f) and my dad has 3 step-daughters and 1 bio-son (18f, 15f, 12f and 5m), and there's me 16f). since my mom has only girls, my dad don't know anything about girl products and i'm not comfortable telling those things to my step-mom, my mom takes care of my hygiene products (mostly pads, skincare, makeup wipes, etc), at her house, she was a small cabinet full of these things (like tiktok restocking vids) that she restocks every month or every 6 weeks, i take some of these things to my dad's because i spend 2-3 weeks there.
i began to have problems when my step-sisters from my dad's side entered my room and took my things without asking, they wore my clothes, my accessories, my shoes and then took the things my mom bought for me, i complained to my dad, but he didn't do anything, he also didn't allow me to put a lock in my room so my mom bought me two tall lockers to put my fave things there, my dad and step-mom didn't like this, but didn't say anything either when my step-dad installed them in my room. since i keep most of my hygiene products in my bathroom the lockers didn't stop my step-sisters from taking my pads, skincare and stuff, it was annoying because when i needed or wanted to use my things, they're gone, so my step-dad bought me a small cabined with locked drawers to keep it. they complained at this because my dad is aware that my mom has a cabinet stocked with these kind of products and doesn't know why ''we can't share'', apparently, they stopped buying these things to my sisters because they knew i had them at home.
yesterday, my step-sister (15f) came to my room and asked me for a pad, i was annoyed, yes, but you never say no to a pad, so i went to my bathroom and unlocked the drawer, when i grabbed the bag to take one, she snatched it from my hands and say ''thanks'', i say ''wait'' and snatched it back, i gave her only one and then tossed the rest to my drawer and locked it, she said she needed more for her period and i said that she should hurry up and ask her mom for a bag because i won't share more, she called me and ah and went to accuse me with my dad who demanded i share my drawer with my sisters but i just say no, he grounded me and i'm not allowed to get out of my room now. maybe i took it to far?
| 5,250 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vd5cks/aita_for_not_giving_my_stepsisters_access_to_my/
|
2022-06-15 21:35:21
|
nta. your mother is not responsible for seeing to the hygiene needs of children who aren’t her own. maybe it’s time to spend less time at dad’s place.
|
nta. and let your mom and step dad know that you are being punished for your dad and stepmom not providing the necessary items to their minor children.
|
nta , you cannot be expected to supply personal care products for your three step sisters.
i suggest you spend less time at your dad’s house because he seems to comfortable with letting your step sisters take advantage of you.
|
nta. your dad has four teenage girls and isn't taking responsibility for their needs. i would have a conversation with your mom and let her know how he is acting. from there i would suggest that you don't bring any more hygiene products from your mom's to your dad's. tell him that you need him to take you shopping for this stuff the next time you're over, and do it in front of your step sisters-maybe even encourage them to come along. they shouldn't be in a position where they need to borrow things from you either. have a stock of pads, skin care items etc. that lives there and that he pays for. if he complains ask him if he thought your mom was getting all of this stuff for you for free. if he's uncomfortable, let him know that everything could have been avoided if they took care of your step sisters' needs instead of making you fulfill that parenting role.
|
nta. your dad and stepmom are trying to save money on your mom's dime. they're responsible for buying sanitary supplies for their own kids, and you 100% are not obligated to share.
|
it's one thing for your step-sisters to be able to ask you *occasionally* for an emergency.
but with 18, 15, and 12 year old girls... how the *hell* are they not keeping stocks of required hygiene items already? what were they doing before you were around?
and why on earth would they expect you to suddenly be the supplier of all those?
you're not being in the least unreasonable; their idea of sharing appears to be astoundingly one sided.
nta. stepsisters are for so arrogantly taking your things without even asking at times; dad is for enabling them and for refusing to help with simple things like a lock for your room.
your mom and stepdad rock.
|
nta- this is where you ask dad and step mom why they insist that your mother provide the hygiene products for their children. to your dad- just say- be very clear that what you are teaching me is how i do not matter enough to warrant basic respect from step siblings. i do not take their things or demand that they give me things that come from their other parent and yet i am expected to just look the other way when my things disappear. how about we all just start taking your things, is that going to be ok? why am i the only one who is expected to endure this and again... why do you refuse to buy necessary products for you children?
|
nta.
dear dad of this teenager,
take your lazy ass to the fucking store and stock up on feminine hygiene products, you gigantic ah.
signed,
…
|
nta, tell your dad and step mom to be adults and provide for their own children instead of leeching on your mom's generosity. and tell your dad to grow up and learn about women's products. if he's mature enough to have children he's mature enough to learn about basic bodily functions.
|
nta
question: are you getting any positive experience from these visits? at 16, you are quite close to fledging. a near-adult should begin to expect more of a peer relationship from parents, not a childish, toxic, controlling setting.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'll began by saying that both families are mostly girls, mom has 2 step-daughters (17f and 15f) and my dad has 3 step-daughters and 1 bio-son (18f, 15f, 12f and 5m), and there's me 16f). since my mom has only girls, my dad don't know anything about girl products and i'm not comfortable telling those things to my step-mom, my mom takes care of my hygiene products (mostly pads, skincare, makeup wipes, etc), at her house, she was a small cabinet full of these things (like tiktok restocking vids) that she restocks every month or every 6 weeks, i take some of these things to my dad's because i spend 2-3 weeks there. i began to have problems when my step-sisters from my dad's side entered my room and took my things without asking, they wore my clothes, my accessories, my shoes and then took the things my mom bought for me, i complained to my dad, but he didn't do anything, he also didn't allow me to put a lock in my room so my mom bought me two tall lockers to put my fave things there, my dad and step-mom didn't like this, but didn't say anything either when my step-dad installed them in my room. since i keep most of my hygiene products in my bathroom the lockers didn't stop my step-sisters from taking my pads, skincare and stuff, it was annoying because when i needed or wanted to use my things, they're gone, so my step-dad bought me a small cabined with locked drawers to keep it. they complained at this because my dad is aware that my mom has a cabinet stocked with these kind of products and doesn't know why ''we can't share'', apparently, they stopped buying these things to my sisters because they knew i had them at home. yesterday, my step-sister (15f) came to my room and asked me for a pad, i was annoyed, yes, but you never say no to a pad, so i went to my bathroom and unlocked the drawer, when i grabbed the bag to take one, she snatched it from my hands and say ''thanks'', i say ''wait'' and snatched it back, i gave her only one and then tossed the rest to my drawer and locked it, she said she needed more for her period and i said that she should hurry up and ask her mom for a bag because i won't share more, she called me and ah and went to accuse me with my dad who demanded i share my drawer with my sisters but i just say no, he grounded me and i'm not allowed to get out of my room now. maybe i took it to far?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'll began by saying that both families are mostly girls, mom has 2 step-daughters (17f and 15f) and my dad has 3 step-daughters and 1 bio-son (18f, 15f, 12f and 5m), and there's me 16f). since my mom has only girls, my dad don't know anything about girl products and i'm not comfortable telling those things to my step-mom, my mom takes care of my hygiene products (mostly pads, skincare, makeup wipes, etc), at her house, she was a small cabinet full of these things (like tiktok restocking vids) that she restocks every month or every 6 weeks, i take some of these things to my dad's because i spend 2-3 weeks there. i began to have problems when my step-sisters from my dad's side entered my room and took my things without asking, they wore my clothes, my accessories, my shoes and then took the things my mom bought for me, i complained to my dad, but he didn't do anything, he also didn't allow me to put a lock in my room so my mom bought me two tall lockers to put my fave things there, my dad and step-mom didn't like this, but didn't say anything either when my step-dad installed them in my room. since i keep most of my hygiene products in my bathroom the lockers didn't stop my step-sisters from taking my pads, skincare and stuff, it was annoying because when i needed or wanted to use my things, they're gone, so my step-dad bought me a small cabined with locked drawers to keep it. they complained at this because my dad is aware that my mom has a cabinet stocked with these kind of products and doesn't know why ''we can't share'', apparently, they stopped buying these things to my sisters because they knew i had them at home. yesterday, my step-sister (15f) came to my room and asked me for a pad, i was annoyed, yes, but you never say no to a pad, so i went to my bathroom and unlocked the drawer, when i grabbed the bag to take one, she snatched it from my hands and say ''thanks'', i say ''wait'' and snatched it back, i gave her only one and then tossed the rest to my drawer and locked it, she said she needed more for her period and i said that she should hurry up and ask her mom for a bag because i won't share more, she called me and ah and went to accuse me with my dad who demanded i share my drawer with my sisters but i just say no, he grounded me and i'm not allowed to get out of my room now. maybe i took it to far? [/INST] nta. your mother is not responsible for seeing to the hygiene needs of children who aren’t her own. maybe it’s time to spend less time at dad’s place. </s>
|
AITA For not deleting or moving photos of my daughter from my phone?
|
in 2020 i(m25) had my second daughter extremely early with my now ex-wife. my baby was in the nicu for four months, and it was very touch and go for a while. i took a lot of pictures of my daughter both before and after she was released, but most of them from that time period have my ex-wife in them.
my current girlfriend(f20) is currently very upset that i still have pictures of my ex-wife, and says that even though they photos of my daughter from a very scary point in my life that it’s not normal. she wants me to delete them all, but said she would be happy with me hiding them away on my computer or someplace i can’t look at them every day.
aita for wanting to keep these photos of my daughter on my phone even though they also have my ex in them?
| 5,107 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xs1nmb/aita_for_not_deleting_or_moving_photos_of_my/
|
2022-09-30 13:40:33
|
nta. but please keep at least a 2 layer password on your phone. i can see them being deleted accidentally.......
|
&#x200b;
nta.
how does a 20-year-old, know whats normal about family photos?
|
nta. absolutely don't delete the pictures. not just because you want them, but because your daughter may want them in the future.
this is an unreasonable amount of jealousy, and is a decent reason to look hard at your current relationship. has she shown other super controlling behaviors?
|
oh boy. your gf is immature. even if she's your ex, you still have a connection with this woman because you have had a child together.
nta
|
nta imagine being jealous of a woman holding her vulnerable newborn baby in a life threatening situation
|
nta. the fact someone would ask a parent to remove photos of their nicu baby from their phone is a huge red flag. who cares that your ex is in them. that’s your baby who was fighting for their life!
|
nta. your new gf sound controlling and extremely immature. keep the pix, reconsider the gf.
|
nta. she’s not even 21. don’t let her be making life decisions for you.
|
nta.
your child is always the priority.
thus your ex wife is part of your life to some extent.
that is something your partner needs to accept or gtfo.
|
…sorry you’ve had a baby in 2020, got divorced, and you’re dating, by 2022
and she’s 20
nta i suppose but this is all a bit immature and not just her
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: in 2020 i(m25) had my second daughter extremely early with my now ex-wife. my baby was in the nicu for four months, and it was very touch and go for a while. i took a lot of pictures of my daughter both before and after she was released, but most of them from that time period have my ex-wife in them. my current girlfriend(f20) is currently very upset that i still have pictures of my ex-wife, and says that even though they photos of my daughter from a very scary point in my life that it’s not normal. she wants me to delete them all, but said she would be happy with me hiding them away on my computer or someplace i can’t look at them every day. aita for wanting to keep these photos of my daughter on my phone even though they also have my ex in them?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
in 2020 i(m25) had my second daughter extremely early with my now ex-wife. my baby was in the nicu for four months, and it was very touch and go for a while. i took a lot of pictures of my daughter both before and after she was released, but most of them from that time period have my ex-wife in them. my current girlfriend(f20) is currently very upset that i still have pictures of my ex-wife, and says that even though they photos of my daughter from a very scary point in my life that it’s not normal. she wants me to delete them all, but said she would be happy with me hiding them away on my computer or someplace i can’t look at them every day. aita for wanting to keep these photos of my daughter on my phone even though they also have my ex in them? [/INST] nta. but please keep at least a 2 layer password on your phone. i can see them being deleted accidentally....... </s>
|
AITA for refusing to rehome my cat after future roommate found out he is VERY allergic
|
throwaway because i have friends on here but i'm pretty sure they aren't on this sub.
me and 3 friends are all college students, and we are moving into an off-campus 4 bedroom apartment. the apartment is leased by bedroom, so we all pay a separate rent to the complex but split utilities. we signed the lease in january for fall 2020 (yes early but that is just how it is in my area- any later and spots start filling up very fast, especially if you want a 4 bedroom with people you know).
i have had my cat punchy for 4 years. he is about 12, goimg based off what the shelter said when i got him. it has always been a known fact i'm bringing my cat with me in the new apartment. i got all 3 roommates approval, and if any had said no cats, i wouldn't have signed that lease. additionally, the roommate with allergies has been my friend since senior year of highschool, so he's always known about punchy.
apparently in his 20 years of life, he has never been around a cat for long enough to realize he has allergies. but he does, and i won't lie, they are bad. definitely bad enough i understand why he would not want to live with one. i offered to pay for allergy medication for him, keep up with daily cleaning of cat fur, and try my best to keep the cat away from his stuff. that's the best i can come up with.
the thing is, he expects me to get rid of my cat, or if not, somehow get out of my binding lease which would definitely tank my credit score and put a bad mark on my apartment rental history. i'm just not gonna do that. he can either leave or....i don't know. find a subleaser (which also costs a fee as far as i know for this complex) and get over it.
botrom line is, i'm staying and my cat is coming with me. i'm not going to be the one who has to jump through hoops because he has a bad allergy. he's had 20 years to have figured this out, and while i get that it isn't his fault, that's just tough.
so yea, not gonna get rid of punchy, not gonna find some other random people to room with, just wondering if that makes me the asshole.
| 759 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g7rzrp/aita_for_refusing_to_rehome_my_cat_after_future/
|
2020-04-25 11:25:50
|
nta. he needs to find another place to live then. the deal was the cat would come with you. end of story. do not rehome your cat.
|
nah. this is tough for both of you and you need to work out a solution that works for everyone, but rehoming your cat is not that solution.
|
nah - your friend didn't intend to become allergic, and he didn't object to living with a cat previously so i don't think he's really an ah.
but you haven't changed anything on your side - you checked with all your roommates before signing that they were ok with you having a cat, and now your friend has changed his mind, therefore he should be the one to find a new home.
have you any other friends living nearby that he could switch with? maybe other students in nearby apartments?
|
immediately forgiven because you named your cat punchy
|
yta not because you don’t want to rehome but because of your shitty attitude. i’ve worked at a no-kill animal shelter for over a decade and love animals with every fiber of my being. you’re admitting that his allergies are bad but are being really flippant about your roommates position. he’s a person who is physically, visibly suffering *because of you*. find a better solution that stops this problem and be a better friend to him. don’t just “try your best” to keep the cat away, when you know that cats have the stickiest dander of any domestic pet. that means you keep the cat in your room at all times, **no exceptions**, and you make sure the common areas are properly ventilated. vacuum every single day. don’t leave your clothes and shoes in common areas because they will carry the dander with them. make sure your room is the furthest away from his. your roommate paid to live there too, and his credit score isn’t going to go in the shitter because of your cat. just like you don’t want your credit score to tank, he doesn’t want his to tank, either. it’s absurd that you would treat your friend this way. holy shit. i know this is reddit and pets are above all, but holy shit dude, you suck as a friend.
|
the cat was part of the deal when he signed on. he is the one with the issue, he needs to resolve it or adapt. nta.
|
yta. there's really no question for me after seeing so many of these comments. yes, everyone signed a lease and agreed to the cat being there, but things changed when your roommate found out that they had a severe cat allergy. for one, you're rude as hell, because it isn't this person's fault they didn't know they had an allergy, how could they have known without coming into contact with a cat? you've described the allergy in the comments and from what i can tell it's severely uncomfortable and when you said they had trouble breathing i was really done with your attitude. yes, making a commitment to a pet is life-long, but your refusal to find solutions for a friend that you've had for years is just astonishing! this person is paying to live somewhere, and although these complications couldn't have been predicted, it seems like you would try your best to make concessions so that they can be comfortable in a place they pay to live in. but instead you won't even agree to keeping your cat in the room (i understand that the cat would be depressed but it seems a little irrelevant when someone can't breathe well or stop from itching in their own home). i think that you should think critically about solutions, because you've got a good amount of time before you move in to this apartment. how unreasonable is it to ask someone to break the lease or deal with a potentially undependable sub-letter (which you refuse to do) because of a medical issue that they can't control, vs. you who just refuses to rehome your cat.
and for all the commenters framing this as an issue of "the roommate has a problem with the cat" and the "commitment to an animal" and the cat's wellbeing, i promise that if you really brainstorm on this you can find an aunt, a friend, a fosterer, etc. who could take your cat for a year and you could visit. or find ways for your cat to be okay in your room, or find a sub-letter that's more reliable. it's unreasonable for you to ask this friend to break a lease or live somewhere else, while you refuse to do so, when he has a legitimate medical problem that would make living with a cat uncomfortable or even painful. you won't even consider the possibility of doing the same, or even just giving your cat to someone else, even just temporarily. the attitude in this post is what makes you the asshole, i understand your defensiveness, and that your cat is functionally your baby, and i might be cyberbullied for this but i dont care
c a t s a r e. n o t. p e o p l e !
they have feelings and can feel discomfort and pain and everything, but this is literally about a cat's feelings, vs. a person's physical needs and pain in an apartment he pays to live in. there's no contest. (this note is specifically about the possibility of keeping the cat in the room). there's no reality where it is okay to want your cat to roam the entire apartment when this person has a severe allergy. it's basically telling a person who pays rent for an entire space that they would be sequestered to their room for an entire year, vs. a goddamn cat.
|
reddit has a hardon for pets, but rest assured, yta. you have zero sympathy for someone who has a medical problem.
\> i'm not going to be the one who has to jump through hoops because he has a bad allergy. he's had 20 years to have figured this out, and while i get that it isn't his fault, that's just tough.
this is exactly what an asshole would say. you're in violation of the ada standards and if he complains to your landlord you will have to get rid of the cat. if the cat is important enough for you to risk someone's life over (given how severe you've described his reaction to it, the dude can't breath ffs), then it is important enough to take a financial hit and break the lease over.
i strongly suggest you either break the lease or find somewhere for the cat to stay asap, before the decision is made for you (and it will be) and you have no choice but to turn the cat into a shelter.
|
yta, you’ve stated elsewhere that he can sometimes have trouble breathing. i’m sorry but i don’t understand how you can care more about an animal than the livelihood of your friend. as someone with many allergies, i would not wish a reaction on my worst enemy. your attitude is really shitty by the way, “he had 20 years to figure it out”
|
yta. you shouldn’t rehome your cat, obviously. but your entire attitude in this post, especially the last two paragraphs, makes you come across as very entitled. there are so many other compromises, why does he need to be the one to give everything when you’re the one who’s bringing the animal someone is allergic to?
fall 2020 is three months. there’s no way your cat can stay with your parents for three months? there’s no way you can keep your cat in your own room for three months? there’s no way you can find someone else to take your spot on the lease?
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NAH
| null |
YTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.535618 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway because i have friends on here but i'm pretty sure they aren't on this sub. me and 3 friends are all college students, and we are moving into an off-campus 4 bedroom apartment. the apartment is leased by bedroom, so we all pay a separate rent to the complex but split utilities. we signed the lease in january for fall 2020 (yes early but that is just how it is in my area- any later and spots start filling up very fast, especially if you want a 4 bedroom with people you know). i have had my cat punchy for 4 years. he is about 12, goimg based off what the shelter said when i got him. it has always been a known fact i'm bringing my cat with me in the new apartment. i got all 3 roommates approval, and if any had said no cats, i wouldn't have signed that lease. additionally, the roommate with allergies has been my friend since senior year of highschool, so he's always known about punchy. apparently in his 20 years of life, he has never been around a cat for long enough to realize he has allergies. but he does, and i won't lie, they are bad. definitely bad enough i understand why he would not want to live with one. i offered to pay for allergy medication for him, keep up with daily cleaning of cat fur, and try my best to keep the cat away from his stuff. that's the best i can come up with. the thing is, he expects me to get rid of my cat, or if not, somehow get out of my binding lease which would definitely tank my credit score and put a bad mark on my apartment rental history. i'm just not gonna do that. he can either leave or....i don't know. find a subleaser (which also costs a fee as far as i know for this complex) and get over it. botrom line is, i'm staying and my cat is coming with me. i'm not going to be the one who has to jump through hoops because he has a bad allergy. he's had 20 years to have figured this out, and while i get that it isn't his fault, that's just tough. so yea, not gonna get rid of punchy, not gonna find some other random people to room with, just wondering if that makes me the asshole.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because i have friends on here but i'm pretty sure they aren't on this sub. me and 3 friends are all college students, and we are moving into an off-campus 4 bedroom apartment. the apartment is leased by bedroom, so we all pay a separate rent to the complex but split utilities. we signed the lease in january for fall 2020 (yes early but that is just how it is in my area- any later and spots start filling up very fast, especially if you want a 4 bedroom with people you know). i have had my cat punchy for 4 years. he is about 12, goimg based off what the shelter said when i got him. it has always been a known fact i'm bringing my cat with me in the new apartment. i got all 3 roommates approval, and if any had said no cats, i wouldn't have signed that lease. additionally, the roommate with allergies has been my friend since senior year of highschool, so he's always known about punchy. apparently in his 20 years of life, he has never been around a cat for long enough to realize he has allergies. but he does, and i won't lie, they are bad. definitely bad enough i understand why he would not want to live with one. i offered to pay for allergy medication for him, keep up with daily cleaning of cat fur, and try my best to keep the cat away from his stuff. that's the best i can come up with. the thing is, he expects me to get rid of my cat, or if not, somehow get out of my binding lease which would definitely tank my credit score and put a bad mark on my apartment rental history. i'm just not gonna do that. he can either leave or....i don't know. find a subleaser (which also costs a fee as far as i know for this complex) and get over it. botrom line is, i'm staying and my cat is coming with me. i'm not going to be the one who has to jump through hoops because he has a bad allergy. he's had 20 years to have figured this out, and while i get that it isn't his fault, that's just tough. so yea, not gonna get rid of punchy, not gonna find some other random people to room with, just wondering if that makes me the asshole. [/INST] nta. he needs to find another place to live then. the deal was the cat would come with you. end of story. do not rehome your cat. </s>
|
AITA for calling my husband's mom out on spraying weird stuff on my furniture?
|
hear me out pleas!!!
so my husband and i bought a new home 2 months ago, his mom offered some of her furniture to be put there but we ended up getting new furniture as a way to start new.
she avoided me for it for a whole months, she refused to even visit but finally came around and started coming over.
now this is where the issue began, i started noticing bad smell on my furniture that gets i tense afterevery visit from her. especially when my husband and i are away from home. the smell is just god-awful, decays into a urine smell on the fabric and surfaces. it gets worse when i clean up. i had suspicions that she has been causing this since she's into
essential oils and stuff. but didn't wanna say anything. til yesterday, where it all came to head.
i found out (using my own resources) that she has been the one causing this smell by coming over and spraying my furniture with this ...substance whenever my husband and i are out.
i called her out on it infront of everybody, she refused to explain why, so i took the copy of the key my husband gave her, and told her she's no longer welcome into my home if she keeps doing this and ruining my furniture that i paid for myself, not her son, but me!. she rushed inside the kitchen crying and my husband told me to knock it off and stop accusing his mom of vindictive shit just because...he said she's welcome to visit anytime and demanded i give the key back to her and say sorry, but i said no. we got into a fight and the family basically told me off for throwing around accusations and blaming them for my "stincky furniture" that i'm too busy to clean.
i went home feeling like an absolute idiot, don't know if i did the right thing everyone is pissed at me now, including my husband. he went out this morning and isn't returning my calls.
aita?
| 4,368 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ta6tvh/aita_for_calling_my_husbands_mom_out_on_spraying/
|
2022-03-09 12:34:19
|
nta - you should have put up a camera first. don’t make the same mistake again.. you need evidence.
|
info: what were your "resources" to confirm she has been spraying your furniture?
|
info: when you say, you found out using your own resources, what do you mean? did you put up a hidden camera?
|
if true, then esh.
you for the way you confronted her and not getting your husband (the son) on side first, and for not presenting your evidence so everyone could understand your position.
your mil for what she was doing.
your husband for not sticking up for you if you had the evidence you claim you have.
|
i n f o: how did you “find out”? if you have solid proof then nta- although your husband is the real problem because he should be fighting this battle not you.
if you don’t have proof then you all suck. there are lots of reasons weird smells arrive in a house. for example a “fish” smell can often be an electrical issue.
i hope you have video footage or something because being a self declared nostril-damus might not end well for you.
|
nta bordering on esh - you should have played the clever game and got evidence first, possibly by getting a hidden camera for your home. calling her out in front of everybody without definitive proof was not that smart a move.
good luck!
|
info: i’m torn because i get it and it’s likely her but you also had no proof and accused her in front of everyone. did you say something to your husband beforehand about your thoughts?
|
info did you mention it to your husband before confronting her? how did you catch her? what is she spraying on the furniture?
|
well a big part about having these types of conversation is choosing when and how to have them.. you definitely failed in that category. what evidence did you have to accuse? how were you sure?
|
info: how did you find out? was the proof undeniable?
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
INFO
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
INFO
| null |
INFO
| 0.277948 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hear me out pleas!!! so my husband and i bought a new home 2 months ago, his mom offered some of her furniture to be put there but we ended up getting new furniture as a way to start new. she avoided me for it for a whole months, she refused to even visit but finally came around and started coming over. now this is where the issue began, i started noticing bad smell on my furniture that gets i tense afterevery visit from her. especially when my husband and i are away from home. the smell is just god-awful, decays into a urine smell on the fabric and surfaces. it gets worse when i clean up. i had suspicions that she has been causing this since she's into essential oils and stuff. but didn't wanna say anything. til yesterday, where it all came to head. i found out (using my own resources) that she has been the one causing this smell by coming over and spraying my furniture with this ...substance whenever my husband and i are out. i called her out on it infront of everybody, she refused to explain why, so i took the copy of the key my husband gave her, and told her she's no longer welcome into my home if she keeps doing this and ruining my furniture that i paid for myself, not her son, but me!. she rushed inside the kitchen crying and my husband told me to knock it off and stop accusing his mom of vindictive shit just because...he said she's welcome to visit anytime and demanded i give the key back to her and say sorry, but i said no. we got into a fight and the family basically told me off for throwing around accusations and blaming them for my "stincky furniture" that i'm too busy to clean. i went home feeling like an absolute idiot, don't know if i did the right thing everyone is pissed at me now, including my husband. he went out this morning and isn't returning my calls. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hear me out pleas!!! so my husband and i bought a new home 2 months ago, his mom offered some of her furniture to be put there but we ended up getting new furniture as a way to start new. she avoided me for it for a whole months, she refused to even visit but finally came around and started coming over. now this is where the issue began, i started noticing bad smell on my furniture that gets i tense afterevery visit from her. especially when my husband and i are away from home. the smell is just god-awful, decays into a urine smell on the fabric and surfaces. it gets worse when i clean up. i had suspicions that she has been causing this since she's into essential oils and stuff. but didn't wanna say anything. til yesterday, where it all came to head. i found out (using my own resources) that she has been the one causing this smell by coming over and spraying my furniture with this ...substance whenever my husband and i are out. i called her out on it infront of everybody, she refused to explain why, so i took the copy of the key my husband gave her, and told her she's no longer welcome into my home if she keeps doing this and ruining my furniture that i paid for myself, not her son, but me!. she rushed inside the kitchen crying and my husband told me to knock it off and stop accusing his mom of vindictive shit just because...he said she's welcome to visit anytime and demanded i give the key back to her and say sorry, but i said no. we got into a fight and the family basically told me off for throwing around accusations and blaming them for my "stincky furniture" that i'm too busy to clean. i went home feeling like an absolute idiot, don't know if i did the right thing everyone is pissed at me now, including my husband. he went out this morning and isn't returning my calls. aita? [/INST] nta - you should have put up a camera first. don’t make the same mistake again.. you need evidence. </s>
|
AITA for telling my half siblings I won't come home for Christmas?
|
i (18f) moved out of my father's house a few months ago. i then cut my father off. i currently live with my sister (27f) and will be spending christmas with her and my brother (26m). my siblings and i are full siblings but they haven't had anything to do with our father in a long time. they cut him off while our mom was still alive and they were older. i had to keep going. then mom died and i was sent to live with him. my siblings were still young but my sister and brother stuck together to get through. they stayed in touch with me while i was with my father.
my father got married to someone while i was living with him and he had two kids with her. my half siblings are 6 and 5. they adore me though i never bonded with them very well. they used to love trying to spend time with me when i lived there. i have not made an effort to see them since moving out because i don't want the contact with my father (or his wife). but she will let them call me using her phone.
they asked me to come for christmas. they were saying how they miss me and want to spend time with me and how they wanted to give me gifts. i told them clearly, but also making sure i was kind, that i wouldn't be coming home for christmas or at all. they cried and told me they missed me and that i would be alone. i told them i would be with my brother and sister. that upset them even more.
afterward my father called me using another number and told me i was evil for crushing the kids like that and he started to say other stuff but i ended the call and blocked the number.
they did call me a few days later and begged me but i kept my no. this led to them asking why i didn't love them enough to see them for christmas. i feel bad even though i don't feel close to them or even consider them my true siblings. they are kids and i know my father isn't a great person and his wife isn't great either...
aita?
| 1,085 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yt7zt2/aita_for_telling_my_half_siblings_i_wont_come/
|
2022-11-12 14:06:29
|
nta.
kids that age rarely initiate that kind of request or badgering about it. their parents are likely fueling their demands. it's about control by their parents.
their feelings are not your responsibility.
an adult sibling not attending a holiday event with relatives is hardly unusual.
|
nta it feels to me like the parents are manipulating them to make it into a bigger deal than it is. telling them they don't love you if you don't go etc.
if you go they will be used to manipulate you every time the parents want you to do something you don't want to do.
yes i feel sorry for the kids but in the long run you will be showing the parents they can't use their kids as tools to manipulate you which will benefit them in future.
i would go to your siblings as planned.
|
nta. i had to do the same thing to my half-siblings last year and it was not fun for any of us.
i feel for the children, of course, because they are not to blame for the awkward situation so it is a shame that they are upset, but i don’t see any justifiable reason why you should subject yourself to an unhealthy environment for them.
you could keep caving and going back to see them, but that’s really only delaying the inevitable and prolonging the hurt.
however - and this depends on more variables than you’ve shared - if your father and stepmother are really problematic, chances are the kids will realise this as they’re older and want out just like you did, and it may be good to try to maintain some relationship with them, if you can bear it, so they have outside support if they ever also want to leave. also, while i don’t think this should be your responsibility, i fear for the resentment that may build because of their sister effectively abandoning them. (i say this with the utmost sympathy, of course, but i imagine that’s basically how they view it.) just food for thought.
|
nta it's very unusual for kids to question how much somebody loves them based on their actions- i think that idea was put in their heads.
i was in a really bad situation when i was 18, spent xmas with my dad who was really fucking up, and it wasn't a safe place for me. i'm still traumatised by the chaos and neglect that went on that xmas. not to say it would be that bad but i would advise you at your age to stay as emotionally safe as you can and to spend time with people who support you (actively) to be you. i hope you can spend time with just the kids some times but as has happened to me that could become toxic if parents are willing to put bad opinions in their heads. it's quite upsetting when you hear kids getting older and starting to believe the shit they are told.
|
nta - it’s not your job to make children feel safe and secure. that’s the parents job.
|
nta. just your dad's response to that would be reason enough not to come home. he sounds manipulative and demanding.
|
nta, given their ages, i highly doubt that they initiated that contact. like there were people behind them getting them hyped to do this.
yeah you didn't say it plainly enough that their mother and father are villains and that's why you didn't want to see them at christmas, but the only reason this issue occurred is because of your father and his wife
|
nta if they call again just say "ask your father" and hang up.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (18f) moved out of my father's house a few months ago. i then cut my father off. i currently live with my sister (27f) and will be spending christmas with her and my brother (26m). my siblings and i are full siblings but they haven't had anything to do with our father in a long time. they cut him off while our mom was still alive and they were older. i had to keep going. then mom died and i was sent to live with him. my siblings were still young but my sister and brother stuck together to get through. they stayed in touch with me while i was with my father. my father got married to someone while i was living with him and he had two kids with her. my half siblings are 6 and 5. they adore me though i never bonded with them very well. they used to love trying to spend time with me when i lived there. i have not made an effort to see them since moving out because i don't want the contact with my father (or his wife). but she will let them call me using her phone. they asked me to come for christmas. they were saying how they miss me and want to spend time with me and how they wanted to give me gifts. i told them clearly, but also making sure i was kind, that i wouldn't be coming home for christmas or at all. they cried and told me they missed me and that i would be alone. i told them i would be with my brother and sister. that upset them even more. afterward my father called me using another number and told me i was evil for crushing the kids like that and he started to say other stuff but i ended the call and blocked the number. they did call me a few days later and begged me but i kept my no. this led to them asking why i didn't love them enough to see them for christmas. i feel bad even though i don't feel close to them or even consider them my true siblings. they are kids and i know my father isn't a great person and his wife isn't great either... aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (18f) moved out of my father's house a few months ago. i then cut my father off. i currently live with my sister (27f) and will be spending christmas with her and my brother (26m). my siblings and i are full siblings but they haven't had anything to do with our father in a long time. they cut him off while our mom was still alive and they were older. i had to keep going. then mom died and i was sent to live with him. my siblings were still young but my sister and brother stuck together to get through. they stayed in touch with me while i was with my father. my father got married to someone while i was living with him and he had two kids with her. my half siblings are 6 and 5. they adore me though i never bonded with them very well. they used to love trying to spend time with me when i lived there. i have not made an effort to see them since moving out because i don't want the contact with my father (or his wife). but she will let them call me using her phone. they asked me to come for christmas. they were saying how they miss me and want to spend time with me and how they wanted to give me gifts. i told them clearly, but also making sure i was kind, that i wouldn't be coming home for christmas or at all. they cried and told me they missed me and that i would be alone. i told them i would be with my brother and sister. that upset them even more. afterward my father called me using another number and told me i was evil for crushing the kids like that and he started to say other stuff but i ended the call and blocked the number. they did call me a few days later and begged me but i kept my no. this led to them asking why i didn't love them enough to see them for christmas. i feel bad even though i don't feel close to them or even consider them my true siblings. they are kids and i know my father isn't a great person and his wife isn't great either... aita? [/INST] nta. kids that age rarely initiate that kind of request or badgering about it. their parents are likely fueling their demands. it's about control by their parents. their feelings are not your responsibility. an adult sibling not attending a holiday event with relatives is hardly unusual. </s>
|
AITA for telling my dad he went on vacation, I didn’t.
|
my mom and dad months ago were like we’re going on an anniversary trip and you’re going to do a sister bonding visit to your half-sister \[20f\] and her family. she mostly lives with her mom (my dad’s first/ex-wife), her stepdad, and their family, so i was kind of excited. i don't see much of her
then i get there and it’s just not fun at all. first of all, she had work and stuff, so i was spending more time with her stepsister whose my age and her other mostly younger siblings. second of all, they live on a farm with like animals, but like not in a cute cottage core way like in an animal smells and chores kind of way. my half-sister was like blatantly preferring her stepsister who lives there and she knows more of course, like they took me horseback riding and i asked to go back after like 10 minutes because they were riding ahead laughing and chatting and i didn’t even know what i was doing and they acted like i was an idiot for it. also my dad didn’t tell me that the wifi/lte barely worked at their house, maybe i could have brought books or something if i’d known but i didn’t so i didn’t have much to do when my half-sister was at work or whatever. and the mom was like you’re part of the family now haha so i had to help half-sister and her stepsister with all of these different chores. they have little little kids who were annoying, i'm not into kids. and even my bonding time with half-sister like i thought we’d be doing activities and it was like me going with her to the grocery store. the whole thing was just awkward and weird, i had to share a bedroom with the step-sister and she clearly didn’t even like me there and we had different habits like i was using my phone in bed and she complained it was keeping her up, she’d wake me up in the morning. halfway through they decided "i'd be more comfortable" on an air mattress in my half-sister's room instead of the extra bed in stepsister's room. but that sucked too. i was glad to leave. their family was all very weird too.
but now my parents are so refreshed and happy from their vacation and upset that i’m not happy. also i guess after they got back, the mom (my dad’s ex-wife) complained about me, idk what she said but my dad is now saying he's going to take away “another” vacation i had (visiting my friend’s family) as a punishment for being a bad guest and ungrateful for the "experience." i said this wasn’t a vacation, i hadn’t gone on vacation, they had. we had a fight about it and now i'm grounded temporarily while they "talk."
| 1,725 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wr17bc/aita_for_telling_my_dad_he_went_on_vacation_i/
|
2022-08-17 21:48:51
|
nta. they dropped you off at a relative's so they could have fun. a relative who made you work. that's not cool.
|
nta. parents who go on vacation without their kid and don’t set up actual accommodations for said kid while they’re gone are ta.
|
nta. they dumped you with a half-sister you barely know, your dad's ex-wife, and a load of complete strangers.
|
nta.
your parents sent you out to work - to people who didn’t seem to actually want you and didn’t know what to do with you.
they were working, had no time for you, shunted you around, didn’t warn you to bring books or something to do.
where’s your mom? or her parents and family? can you ask them to intercede with your dad? your dad is being selfish and an ah.
nta.
|
nta. it sounds like this was your dad and his ex wife trading your labor for free accommodations for you without telling you. even more, i feel like they both know what they did was wrong, and when they saw how unhappy you were because of it, they lashed out. it sounds like you didn’t even know they lived on a farm, let alone that you’d be expected to help. being thrown into that without even a warning wasn’t fair to you. it seems like the whole time you were expected to do chores and then occupy yourself because everyone else was too busy/not interested. that isn’t a vacation, and you shouldn’t have to be grateful for it, especially when you were led to believe you would have a much different experience!
|
nta guests don't do farm work. you don't ship your kid off to a stranger so that you can go on vacation and then punish your child because that stranger makes your child miserable. your half-sister clearly didn't want to spend time with you or bond with you and your father claiming that was the reason for your trip makes both of them assholes.
|
nta it sounds like you were left with people you didn’t really know who didn’t really try to get to know you. how old are you?
|
info...how old are you? and also....did you expect a farm to have nonsmelly animals? and what kind of chores?
|
nta because it really doesn't sound like anyone at the farm tried very hard to make you feel comfortable or even welcome, the mom complaining to your parents is just extra unnecessary. and taking away another vacation is a dick move, also dick move that no one warned you to bring a book, that's the least they could have done.
|
nta you were told you would be having "a sister bonding trip", instead you had a "life on a working farm ft. many strangers". there was no bonding and very little time with your sister.
you sound like you like, or at least liked, your sister, have no experience on farms and very little exposure to living in a large family 24/7 so i don't know what your parents were thinking by throwing you in the deep end like that or what your father's ex wife thought would happen hosting a young person when she was understandably too busy to host a kid before complaining to your dad that you didn't react well to a stressful situation. no one would do well in your boots except another country kid.
your dad knew in advance you wouldn't like it, otherwise he would not have lied about it. he should not have introduced it as sister bonding time without his 20yo daughters agreement and involvement. it does not sound like he spoke to her or set anything up to make sure you two had time together and that is very unfair to her.
your mother should have checked out the situation before hand and made sure you knew what you being sent into. stays like that can be great fun but are awful for people who are not expecting them, do not know about or enjoy farm life and both of your parents should know that you are not into or prepared for staying on a farm with many small children.
you might have been a ratbag child but the mother there should have been prepared for that because anyone in that situation would be stressed, confused, socially isolated and turn into a ratbag kid. i'm from the country and adults too turn into ratbag kids when they find themselves unexpectedly stranded away from friends with unspoken expectations they have no idea how to reach combined with domestic work.
your dad owes you and his other daughter an apology as does your mother. they both lied to you, they can't be shocked you didn't have fun and they can do babysit in their spare time for hostile strangers on a farm if they think it's so fun.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mom and dad months ago were like we’re going on an anniversary trip and you’re going to do a sister bonding visit to your half-sister \[20f\] and her family. she mostly lives with her mom (my dad’s first/ex-wife), her stepdad, and their family, so i was kind of excited. i don't see much of her then i get there and it’s just not fun at all. first of all, she had work and stuff, so i was spending more time with her stepsister whose my age and her other mostly younger siblings. second of all, they live on a farm with like animals, but like not in a cute cottage core way like in an animal smells and chores kind of way. my half-sister was like blatantly preferring her stepsister who lives there and she knows more of course, like they took me horseback riding and i asked to go back after like 10 minutes because they were riding ahead laughing and chatting and i didn’t even know what i was doing and they acted like i was an idiot for it. also my dad didn’t tell me that the wifi/lte barely worked at their house, maybe i could have brought books or something if i’d known but i didn’t so i didn’t have much to do when my half-sister was at work or whatever. and the mom was like you’re part of the family now haha so i had to help half-sister and her stepsister with all of these different chores. they have little little kids who were annoying, i'm not into kids. and even my bonding time with half-sister like i thought we’d be doing activities and it was like me going with her to the grocery store. the whole thing was just awkward and weird, i had to share a bedroom with the step-sister and she clearly didn’t even like me there and we had different habits like i was using my phone in bed and she complained it was keeping her up, she’d wake me up in the morning. halfway through they decided "i'd be more comfortable" on an air mattress in my half-sister's room instead of the extra bed in stepsister's room. but that sucked too. i was glad to leave. their family was all very weird too. but now my parents are so refreshed and happy from their vacation and upset that i’m not happy. also i guess after they got back, the mom (my dad’s ex-wife) complained about me, idk what she said but my dad is now saying he's going to take away “another” vacation i had (visiting my friend’s family) as a punishment for being a bad guest and ungrateful for the "experience." i said this wasn’t a vacation, i hadn’t gone on vacation, they had. we had a fight about it and now i'm grounded temporarily while they "talk."
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my mom and dad months ago were like we’re going on an anniversary trip and you’re going to do a sister bonding visit to your half-sister \[20f\] and her family. she mostly lives with her mom (my dad’s first/ex-wife), her stepdad, and their family, so i was kind of excited. i don't see much of her then i get there and it’s just not fun at all. first of all, she had work and stuff, so i was spending more time with her stepsister whose my age and her other mostly younger siblings. second of all, they live on a farm with like animals, but like not in a cute cottage core way like in an animal smells and chores kind of way. my half-sister was like blatantly preferring her stepsister who lives there and she knows more of course, like they took me horseback riding and i asked to go back after like 10 minutes because they were riding ahead laughing and chatting and i didn’t even know what i was doing and they acted like i was an idiot for it. also my dad didn’t tell me that the wifi/lte barely worked at their house, maybe i could have brought books or something if i’d known but i didn’t so i didn’t have much to do when my half-sister was at work or whatever. and the mom was like you’re part of the family now haha so i had to help half-sister and her stepsister with all of these different chores. they have little little kids who were annoying, i'm not into kids. and even my bonding time with half-sister like i thought we’d be doing activities and it was like me going with her to the grocery store. the whole thing was just awkward and weird, i had to share a bedroom with the step-sister and she clearly didn’t even like me there and we had different habits like i was using my phone in bed and she complained it was keeping her up, she’d wake me up in the morning. halfway through they decided "i'd be more comfortable" on an air mattress in my half-sister's room instead of the extra bed in stepsister's room. but that sucked too. i was glad to leave. their family was all very weird too. but now my parents are so refreshed and happy from their vacation and upset that i’m not happy. also i guess after they got back, the mom (my dad’s ex-wife) complained about me, idk what she said but my dad is now saying he's going to take away “another” vacation i had (visiting my friend’s family) as a punishment for being a bad guest and ungrateful for the "experience." i said this wasn’t a vacation, i hadn’t gone on vacation, they had. we had a fight about it and now i'm grounded temporarily while they "talk." [/INST] nta. they dropped you off at a relative's so they could have fun. a relative who made you work. that's not cool. </s>
|
AITA 2hrs, per person, per day internet limit = horrible step mom
|
i manage the house bills and i got an alert that the home internet is about to hit its 1tb limit. told husband for the remainder of the week there's a 2hrs per day, per person limit on only devices connected to the home internet/wifi, so we don't go over & pay fees.
we have unlimited wifi on their phone/tablet so they have access to those as it's a different service. i asked him to communicate this to his 2 teenage sons that live w/us full time.
he says "that sucks" and "they're not feeling it because they can't use their tv, xbox or computer with the limit."
they were on winter break & left the house 3 times the entire time the rest of the time they were awake they were on their devices which is how they used so much before the cycle is over.
this has happened before & i didn't have alerts setup, paid double the monthly bill in fees. i'm not doing that again, i personally do not agree at all how much they use devices/internet/wifi but they were raised without limitations on them. so i leave them alone with regard to that... they are all acting like i'm terrible for limiting them. i think its ridiculous how dramatic my husband and his kids are reacting. my thoughts are they already used the data... so it's not taking it away its capping it because i'm not paying overage fees.
aita for this temporary and necessary adjustment to the household internet usage? btw i'm using my phone for this post.
| 261 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ekoapn/aita_2hrs_per_person_per_day_internet_limit/
|
2020-01-06 03:45:19
|
nta. if they want to go over, tell them they can pay the extra for going over the limit.
|
it is terrible to teach children responsibility - both with digital devices and with budgeting and money management.
what kind of a person are you?
don’t you know that children are meant to be children - at least until the age of 18, maybe even 21.
don’t shatter their innocence. don’t make think about bills and money and limited resources.
you must make sacrifices. you must get another job or withhold food or clothing from yourself.
do you eat breakfast and lunch every day?
that lunch money is probably enough to buy another tb each month.
what kind of person are you?
oh. wait. i just realised. you’re the only adult in the entire fucking house.
|
nta.
your request is completely reasonable. these are adult men, that are not working and not contributing. so since dad doesn't want to limit their usage, he can pay the difference or go nuclear and shut it off entirely until they go back to school.
depending on your isp you can block certain devices or just allow your stuff and block everything else.
|
your problem is transfer volume, not time. these are not strictly correlated.
discuss with them and try to figure out what's using the bandwidth. maybe it's xbox updates, maybe movie streaming, maybe one of them is torrenting. online gaming is probably not the biggest contributor.
1 tb / 60 hours (the monthly allotment per person) = 5 mb/s = 40 mbps. if your connection is faster than 40 mbps one person can blow through the tb in the 2 hours/day, and limiting time may cause people to optimize for the wrong thing (if i got a 2h/day limit *without explanation*, the overall bandwidth usage would probably go up, not down, as i'd be hoarding movies as fast as the connection allows - not out of malice, simply optimizing for the given constraints).
**communicate.** explain the problem. if they're at least somewhat knowledgeable about technology, they'll probably be able to suggest a better solution. for example, disabling automatic updates on the consoled, tethering to the phone (if possible/allowed), etc.
also figure out what your billing situation is. if you have 10 gb left (i.e. you're most likely going to go over) and you pay a fixed fee for going over, it may make more sense to make them pay the overage fee and let them use what they want.
|
nta but it stinks that you’re not getting supper from your husband on this.
|
nta. your partner and you need to get on the same page about money and the kids. you are a team. they should also be a responsible adult and see you are doing this for a reason, this isn’t about control or anything.
they are a couple of teens, a few days without their xbox is gonna be fine. if they can’t handle some simple rules then maybe they don’t need wifi at all. it’s not free, fees are no joke that jack up the bill a lot.
|
where do you live that has unlimited wireless plans but not unlimited home internet?
|
info: how do you and your husband handle finances? is money tight? it sounds like he's okay with paying for the extra data, especially since it's apparently a temporary issue until the holiday is over.
|
nta if youre paying for it, it's your internet. you just let them use it
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
INFO
|
NTA
| null | 0.010352 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i manage the house bills and i got an alert that the home internet is about to hit its 1tb limit. told husband for the remainder of the week there's a 2hrs per day, per person limit on only devices connected to the home internet/wifi, so we don't go over & pay fees. we have unlimited wifi on their phone/tablet so they have access to those as it's a different service. i asked him to communicate this to his 2 teenage sons that live w/us full time. he says "that sucks" and "they're not feeling it because they can't use their tv, xbox or computer with the limit." they were on winter break & left the house 3 times the entire time the rest of the time they were awake they were on their devices which is how they used so much before the cycle is over. this has happened before & i didn't have alerts setup, paid double the monthly bill in fees. i'm not doing that again, i personally do not agree at all how much they use devices/internet/wifi but they were raised without limitations on them. so i leave them alone with regard to that... they are all acting like i'm terrible for limiting them. i think its ridiculous how dramatic my husband and his kids are reacting. my thoughts are they already used the data... so it's not taking it away its capping it because i'm not paying overage fees. aita for this temporary and necessary adjustment to the household internet usage? btw i'm using my phone for this post.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i manage the house bills and i got an alert that the home internet is about to hit its 1tb limit. told husband for the remainder of the week there's a 2hrs per day, per person limit on only devices connected to the home internet/wifi, so we don't go over & pay fees. we have unlimited wifi on their phone/tablet so they have access to those as it's a different service. i asked him to communicate this to his 2 teenage sons that live w/us full time. he says "that sucks" and "they're not feeling it because they can't use their tv, xbox or computer with the limit." they were on winter break & left the house 3 times the entire time the rest of the time they were awake they were on their devices which is how they used so much before the cycle is over. this has happened before & i didn't have alerts setup, paid double the monthly bill in fees. i'm not doing that again, i personally do not agree at all how much they use devices/internet/wifi but they were raised without limitations on them. so i leave them alone with regard to that... they are all acting like i'm terrible for limiting them. i think its ridiculous how dramatic my husband and his kids are reacting. my thoughts are they already used the data... so it's not taking it away its capping it because i'm not paying overage fees. aita for this temporary and necessary adjustment to the household internet usage? btw i'm using my phone for this post. [/INST] nta. if they want to go over, tell them they can pay the extra for going over the limit. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to bring my son’s half brothers on a trip with us?
|
my ex wife and i already have a complicated history so this has made the situation a little worse. during our first year of marriage i found out i fathered a son (who was 6 at the time) from an ex that i briefly went out with back in college. my ex wife was currently pregnant with our son so we tried to make things work while i tried building a relationship with my son. she was crushed by the fact that my first child wasn’t with her and that made her very depressed. the co-parenting with my ex and having around my son was still too much, we just started having problems. we divorced when our son was 2.
our son is 7, my oldest is now 13. my fiancée and i have a 2 year old girl together, and she’s currently 6 months pregnant.
my ex wife found a new partner shortly after our divorce and they had twin sons together less than a year after. her sons are 4 and unfortunately she’s been on her own raising them after her boyfriend decided to take off when the kids were 10 months old. life hasn’t been easy i know that for sure.
so i have equal time with my kids and since they’re gonna be on summer vacation next week i usually take them out on a trip to santa barbara for a week. it something we do few times a year.
my ex wife has asked me if her sons can tag along with us because she’s been needing a break. i’m already going to have my hands full with our son, my oldest and my daughter who’s very hyperactive. my fiancée can only do so much and she’s probably going to be spending most of the time in the hotel room. i just don’t want the added stress of taking on 2 extra kids who’re just as active as my youngest. this has been a constant argument everytime we talk because she thinks i’m being unfair.
and again, brings up the fact that she’s struggling right now because of how things ended between us (getting with her partner because she was trying to get over me then winding up pregnant). something she does a lot and mentioning that my life is more stable than hers so to please do her one favor so she can have some peace for a week. as it’s the least i can do for her after turning her life upside down.
i have still said no and that’s why she’s acting like i’m being an asshole for not wanting to take in her sons as well. it’s just too much for one trip.
| 1,742 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nt1bys/aita_for_not_wanting_to_bring_my_sons_half/
|
2021-06-05 17:53:21
|
nta
you already having a son must have been a huge shock. it isn’t your fault that any of this happened particularly. it’s completely reasonable if you want to say no
those children aren’t yours so they aren’t your obligation. just because she’s struggling doesn’t mean she can ask for such a favor if your not comfortable with it.
|
nta. it is completely reasonable to say no to bringing your ex’s kids on a vacation when you already have three children *and* your fiancée is pregnant.
you are absolutely not responsible for her decision to get pregnant by some guy who was clearly a bad choice. do not let her guilt you into this.
|
nta - she’s projecting her own problems onto you. she can find a sitter, daycare, rely on family or friends. she doesn’t get to dump her children on someone else and get upset when they don’t want to.
it’s also not your fault that she moved on and got pregnant. she had options regarding bc/abortion
|
nta.
these are not your children.
would it be great if you could do it? yeah, it would. does it make you horrible or ta for not being able to do it? absolutely not
it’s also not fair that she is trying to blame her situation on you for decisions she made. i get that breakups suck. but these are not your kids nor are they your fault.
if you want to be nice. offer to take the kids for a day later on. heck. offer a few days (but they stay at home at night).
things are opening back up, so the zoo, aquariums, museums, kids shows. heck, just a movie. some day trips would still give mom a break (if you want to do so) and not be overwhelming. 100% up to you? and still nta if you choose not to do those things either.
|
nta. the trip should be a fun time and not a reenactment of cheaper by the dozen.
|
nta
it was definitely a huge shock for her to learn you already had a son. it's also understandable her situation is not exactly the best now.
however, it's not your fault that her new partner has left her with two children. taking care of more kids at once is way more difficult, so she can't blame you for not willing to bring her kids with you.
|
nta- you are only responsible for your own children. if i were your current fiancée, i would be pissed if you brought 2 four year olds along for her to watch. it’s sad your ex is overwhelmed but she is responsible for her own decisions.
|
i’m gonna go nta. you’re right in already having your hands full, and that should be the end of it. her trying to pin her stress on you/ even her new kids existing, as your fault is manipulative and misguided. she’s an adult who made adult decisions. if she needs a break she can try her family or hire a babysitter, you’re just a convenient option and she’s trying to guilt trip you into it. nta and not your problem.
|
nta. it sounds like you're pretty involved in caring for the kids you helped create, and that's what you need to do. i feel for her, twins are rough even when you have help, but... they're not your babies. that wasn't your choice.
|
nta at all. you can empathize with her but still not want to take on the additional work of twin 4 year olds on a vacation! it’s not your fault her life went upside down- she couldn’t deal with something outside of both of your control and let it consume her ability to be in a relationship with you. that’s not your fault.
if you are at all friendly and your fiancée were on board you could suggest that she and her kids also go and get a separate room- but that’s also sticky because she may still try to stick you with her kids.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my ex wife and i already have a complicated history so this has made the situation a little worse. during our first year of marriage i found out i fathered a son (who was 6 at the time) from an ex that i briefly went out with back in college. my ex wife was currently pregnant with our son so we tried to make things work while i tried building a relationship with my son. she was crushed by the fact that my first child wasn’t with her and that made her very depressed. the co-parenting with my ex and having around my son was still too much, we just started having problems. we divorced when our son was 2. our son is 7, my oldest is now 13. my fiancée and i have a 2 year old girl together, and she’s currently 6 months pregnant. my ex wife found a new partner shortly after our divorce and they had twin sons together less than a year after. her sons are 4 and unfortunately she’s been on her own raising them after her boyfriend decided to take off when the kids were 10 months old. life hasn’t been easy i know that for sure. so i have equal time with my kids and since they’re gonna be on summer vacation next week i usually take them out on a trip to santa barbara for a week. it something we do few times a year. my ex wife has asked me if her sons can tag along with us because she’s been needing a break. i’m already going to have my hands full with our son, my oldest and my daughter who’s very hyperactive. my fiancée can only do so much and she’s probably going to be spending most of the time in the hotel room. i just don’t want the added stress of taking on 2 extra kids who’re just as active as my youngest. this has been a constant argument everytime we talk because she thinks i’m being unfair. and again, brings up the fact that she’s struggling right now because of how things ended between us (getting with her partner because she was trying to get over me then winding up pregnant). something she does a lot and mentioning that my life is more stable than hers so to please do her one favor so she can have some peace for a week. as it’s the least i can do for her after turning her life upside down. i have still said no and that’s why she’s acting like i’m being an asshole for not wanting to take in her sons as well. it’s just too much for one trip.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my ex wife and i already have a complicated history so this has made the situation a little worse. during our first year of marriage i found out i fathered a son (who was 6 at the time) from an ex that i briefly went out with back in college. my ex wife was currently pregnant with our son so we tried to make things work while i tried building a relationship with my son. she was crushed by the fact that my first child wasn’t with her and that made her very depressed. the co-parenting with my ex and having around my son was still too much, we just started having problems. we divorced when our son was 2. our son is 7, my oldest is now 13. my fiancée and i have a 2 year old girl together, and she’s currently 6 months pregnant. my ex wife found a new partner shortly after our divorce and they had twin sons together less than a year after. her sons are 4 and unfortunately she’s been on her own raising them after her boyfriend decided to take off when the kids were 10 months old. life hasn’t been easy i know that for sure. so i have equal time with my kids and since they’re gonna be on summer vacation next week i usually take them out on a trip to santa barbara for a week. it something we do few times a year. my ex wife has asked me if her sons can tag along with us because she’s been needing a break. i’m already going to have my hands full with our son, my oldest and my daughter who’s very hyperactive. my fiancée can only do so much and she’s probably going to be spending most of the time in the hotel room. i just don’t want the added stress of taking on 2 extra kids who’re just as active as my youngest. this has been a constant argument everytime we talk because she thinks i’m being unfair. and again, brings up the fact that she’s struggling right now because of how things ended between us (getting with her partner because she was trying to get over me then winding up pregnant). something she does a lot and mentioning that my life is more stable than hers so to please do her one favor so she can have some peace for a week. as it’s the least i can do for her after turning her life upside down. i have still said no and that’s why she’s acting like i’m being an asshole for not wanting to take in her sons as well. it’s just too much for one trip. [/INST] nta you already having a son must have been a huge shock. it isn’t your fault that any of this happened particularly. it’s completely reasonable if you want to say no those children aren’t yours so they aren’t your obligation. just because she’s struggling doesn’t mean she can ask for such a favor if your not comfortable with it. </s>
|
WIBTA for not wanting to switch parking spots with my disabled neighbour?
|
today i received a letter in my mailbox that said this:
“hello 305 resident,
i live downstairs in apt. 104 and i was wondering if we could switch our assigned parking spots as mine is difficult for me to use. i usually use a walker or a cane and i would really appreciate it if you could. thank you very much either way.
-jeff (name is changed)”
my parking spot, which i pay $30/month extra for saves me from parking on the street. it is literally right outside the back door and one of the better spots in the lot.
my problem with switching is that her spot is all the way at the far end of the lot and a hike to get to a door. with winter coming, and having to run out in -40°c/f every morning to warm the car up, it’s more of an annoyance if anything. i don’t really want to switch but it seems like a selfish move. aita?
edit 1 for clarification:
-there is no handicap parking at my building which i now realize is an issue i’ve never noticed. i have nothing to do tomorrow so i’ll go down and ask about that on neighbours behalf
-neighbour is in fact handicapped and i’ve seen her and said hello multiple times
-my parking spot costs me $30/month hers is $10. i haven’t heard anything more about how they wanted to proceed. all i’ve heard is in the letter i received today.
edit 2 results:
-i politely declined to switch spots with my neighbour. i went to my property managements office today and put in a complaint/suggestion to add an accessible spot to the lot for her. property manager agreed with me and tomorrow a crew will be on its way to convert a visitor parking spot into an accessible parking spot. long term wise she told me they’ll be looking at moving my neighbours spot closer to the door.
-i’d like to point out that the real assholes are the multiple city employees who did everything in their power to redirect my calls to anyone else just so they didn’t have to field my questions or put in work. i shouldn’t have to drive across the city to have this conversation but i’m glad my neighbour’s life will be a little easier this winter
wholesome edit 3: someone said i should let my neighbour know. i stopped by on my way to work and neighbour thanked me and gave me a hug.
i made this feeling like an asshole but now i feel like a good dude. thanks for the input everyone :)
| 966 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xoy3lz/wibta_for_not_wanting_to_switch_parking_spots/
|
2022-09-26 22:28:55
|
nta
i'm going to suspect that there are lots of spots that are much closer, not just yours. if your neighbor needs a better spot due to their handicapped they need to work with the apartment management, not ask you individually to switch with them.
yes, they have a very valid reason to want a better spot. that doesn't mean you should be the one to give up your spot.
|
nah - they can ask, you can say no. it sounds like you are paying $30 for the convenience, and they are paying $10...it sounds like they could park closer, if they were willing to pay $30? and they are basically asking you to subsidize them, by continuing to pay $30 for a $10 spot...in that case n t a
|
nah. the lack of disability-friendly parking is something the neighbor needs to take up with the landlord, not you.
|
this is a hard one. you’re not obligated to switch spots, but all those reasons that her spot would be a nuisance for you are a nuisance for her significantly more due to her disability. so i think i’ll say nah, because by not switching you are just neutral in my opinion, but if you switch that’s a very kind and positive thing to do. obviously you shouldn’t feel forced to do something that you really don’t want to do, but take into consideration how much harder that spot is for her than it is for you. does her spot cost $30 extra too, or does it cost less/nothing. that’s just something else to consider.
|
nta. she needs to ask the landlord for a disabled spot.
|
nah you don't have to do anything, and their request was reasonable and politely made.
it would be a nice thing to help them, since you recognize what a chore it must be for them to get out to their spot with limited mobility, but you aren't obligated.
you should give them an answer, though, and be willing to accept the consequences either way.
|
nta
you have a lease for your parking spot. if your neighbor is disabled, he needs to talk to the leasing office about getting a disabled spot.
|
nta. the ah is the complex for not providing disabled parking. this is not your problem to solve; it needs to be resolved by management. this probably isn't the first time this problem has come up and it certainly won't be thr last. they need to have a solution in place for disabled tenants.
|
nta but it would be really nice if you did and i personally would. whatever inconvenience it would be to you it is to her x10
|
info: your complex doesn’t have disabled parking?
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| 0.02985 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: today i received a letter in my mailbox that said this: “hello 305 resident, i live downstairs in apt. 104 and i was wondering if we could switch our assigned parking spots as mine is difficult for me to use. i usually use a walker or a cane and i would really appreciate it if you could. thank you very much either way. -jeff (name is changed)” my parking spot, which i pay $30/month extra for saves me from parking on the street. it is literally right outside the back door and one of the better spots in the lot. my problem with switching is that her spot is all the way at the far end of the lot and a hike to get to a door. with winter coming, and having to run out in -40°c/f every morning to warm the car up, it’s more of an annoyance if anything. i don’t really want to switch but it seems like a selfish move. aita? edit 1 for clarification: -there is no handicap parking at my building which i now realize is an issue i’ve never noticed. i have nothing to do tomorrow so i’ll go down and ask about that on neighbours behalf -neighbour is in fact handicapped and i’ve seen her and said hello multiple times -my parking spot costs me $30/month hers is $10. i haven’t heard anything more about how they wanted to proceed. all i’ve heard is in the letter i received today. edit 2 results: -i politely declined to switch spots with my neighbour. i went to my property managements office today and put in a complaint/suggestion to add an accessible spot to the lot for her. property manager agreed with me and tomorrow a crew will be on its way to convert a visitor parking spot into an accessible parking spot. long term wise she told me they’ll be looking at moving my neighbours spot closer to the door. -i’d like to point out that the real assholes are the multiple city employees who did everything in their power to redirect my calls to anyone else just so they didn’t have to field my questions or put in work. i shouldn’t have to drive across the city to have this conversation but i’m glad my neighbour’s life will be a little easier this winter wholesome edit 3: someone said i should let my neighbour know. i stopped by on my way to work and neighbour thanked me and gave me a hug. i made this feeling like an asshole but now i feel like a good dude. thanks for the input everyone :)
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
today i received a letter in my mailbox that said this: “hello 305 resident, i live downstairs in apt. 104 and i was wondering if we could switch our assigned parking spots as mine is difficult for me to use. i usually use a walker or a cane and i would really appreciate it if you could. thank you very much either way. -jeff (name is changed)” my parking spot, which i pay $30/month extra for saves me from parking on the street. it is literally right outside the back door and one of the better spots in the lot. my problem with switching is that her spot is all the way at the far end of the lot and a hike to get to a door. with winter coming, and having to run out in -40°c/f every morning to warm the car up, it’s more of an annoyance if anything. i don’t really want to switch but it seems like a selfish move. aita? edit 1 for clarification: -there is no handicap parking at my building which i now realize is an issue i’ve never noticed. i have nothing to do tomorrow so i’ll go down and ask about that on neighbours behalf -neighbour is in fact handicapped and i’ve seen her and said hello multiple times -my parking spot costs me $30/month hers is $10. i haven’t heard anything more about how they wanted to proceed. all i’ve heard is in the letter i received today. edit 2 results: -i politely declined to switch spots with my neighbour. i went to my property managements office today and put in a complaint/suggestion to add an accessible spot to the lot for her. property manager agreed with me and tomorrow a crew will be on its way to convert a visitor parking spot into an accessible parking spot. long term wise she told me they’ll be looking at moving my neighbours spot closer to the door. -i’d like to point out that the real assholes are the multiple city employees who did everything in their power to redirect my calls to anyone else just so they didn’t have to field my questions or put in work. i shouldn’t have to drive across the city to have this conversation but i’m glad my neighbour’s life will be a little easier this winter wholesome edit 3: someone said i should let my neighbour know. i stopped by on my way to work and neighbour thanked me and gave me a hug. i made this feeling like an asshole but now i feel like a good dude. thanks for the input everyone :) [/INST] nta i'm going to suspect that there are lots of spots that are much closer, not just yours. if your neighbor needs a better spot due to their handicapped they need to work with the apartment management, not ask you individually to switch with them. yes, they have a very valid reason to want a better spot. that doesn't mean you should be the one to give up your spot. </s>
|
AITA for clicking a malicious email at work?
|
i got a weird email yesterday and immediately forwarded to our it team. the it team lead responds and says there is nothing to worry about, and that it is a legitimate email.
so after he said it appears legitimate, i clicked it and used my credentials to log in and view the whatever the external sender was trying to send me. incidentally, i work in a department where it's very common to get external emails, often from senders who we've never emailed with before.
this morning my account was locked. turns out it was a malicious email, and luckily there was no breach because of our 2 factor authentication.
i got chewed out by our chief it officer because i "should have recognized it was malicious because of all our training and not relied on the it team."
i was fucking outraged and borderline yelled at him that i did recognize it as suspicious because of our training, which is why i sent it to it to evaluate.
he didn't care. basically said it doesn't matter, and "security is everyone's responsibility." but guess what, i followed through with my responsibility: i identified something as suspicious and per our training forwarded it to it for evaluation.
anyway, i need to know.... aita?
| 1,104 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vzgdgn/aita_for_clicking_a_malicious_email_at_work/
|
2022-07-15 05:09:23
|
nta. as an it worker, i have no expectation whatsoever that the end users in my company will be able to *definitively* tell if an odd email is malicious or not. that's my team's job, not theirs.
you did exactly what you were supposed to do. the chief it officer's team fucked up. he's probably just pissed because someone above him is bitching at him now.
|
nta - you realised you weren't experienced enough to make the decision that it was malicious so you went to the people hired to help in this department.
the cheif of it is upset because probably someone he hired made the silly mistake of not realising it was malicious.
you should read a few things on how to properly identify phishing links and emails.
|
nta. i got hit for opening phishing emails that came from within the company as a test. i'm like why the fuck are y'all testing us with fake ones instead of stopping real ones from coming in?
|
nta, it chief is salty because he knows it would have been his ass if this became a bigger problem. tell him to go train his staff better.
|
nta, you were just following directions and did your part in recognizing potentially harmful material. if the it team cleared it... are you not supposed to trust them? they're the ones who are supposed to have the best eye on this kind of stuff.
|
nta
i would say you did your part. if it say its fine, then i would trust that they have a relevant and more education on the subject, and know what they are talking about.
|
nta. you followed protocol. company needs a new it team.
|
nta - the onus for this security flaw is obviously the it guy who "checked" the email first.
moving forward i'd check directly with that chief officer in it anytime you get an unanticipated external email, just to be sure.
|
nta - i'm a sysadmin, we get questions like this all the time (although our filter is usually rather zealous at holding external emails). this is definitely on the worker you talked to.
given the severity of the situation and how it slipped through *them*, i would definitely encourage you to escalate it to *someone*. it is literally there to pre-empt these problems as well as acting on anything like this.
|
nta. you flagged it as suspicious and were told it was legitimate. you need to access legitimate emails to do your job. you were told by people whose job it is to know that the email was safe.
of course, your boss sounds like a jackass so it won’t matter if you’re in the right. he will probably hold it against you regardless. you should email yourself a memo about this incident in case they fire you over it and you need to provide evidence about the circumstances.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i got a weird email yesterday and immediately forwarded to our it team. the it team lead responds and says there is nothing to worry about, and that it is a legitimate email. so after he said it appears legitimate, i clicked it and used my credentials to log in and view the whatever the external sender was trying to send me. incidentally, i work in a department where it's very common to get external emails, often from senders who we've never emailed with before. this morning my account was locked. turns out it was a malicious email, and luckily there was no breach because of our 2 factor authentication. i got chewed out by our chief it officer because i "should have recognized it was malicious because of all our training and not relied on the it team." i was fucking outraged and borderline yelled at him that i did recognize it as suspicious because of our training, which is why i sent it to it to evaluate. he didn't care. basically said it doesn't matter, and "security is everyone's responsibility." but guess what, i followed through with my responsibility: i identified something as suspicious and per our training forwarded it to it for evaluation. anyway, i need to know.... aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i got a weird email yesterday and immediately forwarded to our it team. the it team lead responds and says there is nothing to worry about, and that it is a legitimate email. so after he said it appears legitimate, i clicked it and used my credentials to log in and view the whatever the external sender was trying to send me. incidentally, i work in a department where it's very common to get external emails, often from senders who we've never emailed with before. this morning my account was locked. turns out it was a malicious email, and luckily there was no breach because of our 2 factor authentication. i got chewed out by our chief it officer because i "should have recognized it was malicious because of all our training and not relied on the it team." i was fucking outraged and borderline yelled at him that i did recognize it as suspicious because of our training, which is why i sent it to it to evaluate. he didn't care. basically said it doesn't matter, and "security is everyone's responsibility." but guess what, i followed through with my responsibility: i identified something as suspicious and per our training forwarded it to it for evaluation. anyway, i need to know.... aita? [/INST] nta. as an it worker, i have no expectation whatsoever that the end users in my company will be able to *definitively* tell if an odd email is malicious or not. that's my team's job, not theirs. you did exactly what you were supposed to do. the chief it officer's team fucked up. he's probably just pissed because someone above him is bitching at him now. </s>
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend that her child's father or her should pay for her child's medical bills?
|
i (35m) am dating an amazing woman (28f). she has a 3 year old from her previous relationship. because of the unforeseen medical event of the child, my gf is struggling now.
we have been in relationship for about 6 months and i have never met her daughter.
she mentioned that she's struggling to meet her needs because of the unforeseen medical event. i could afford to help her. however, in my mind, the child's father should take the responsibility of the medical bills and i said to her what i was thinking.
she was shocked to hear me say that and she's thinking that i'm not sympathizing with her. she's saying i didn't care for her struggle and i'm not considering her daughter as part of my family. aita for being detatched with a child that i haven't connected with and telling her that her or the child's father should take care of that problem?
edit : based on comments below, she didn't ask money. but she said, since she's struggling, i'm welcome to help
| 1,601 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eve96v/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_her_childs/
|
2020-01-28 23:58:41
|
nta. why would you consider a child you've never met family? she crazy.
|
nta you haven't even met this child. which i think is perfectly fine, as she wants to get to know you first....meaning she doesn't view you as family yet either!!!
|
nta. why would you consider her daughter your family? you've never met the child. she sounds delusional.
|
nta.. but i would get more info.. can the father afford it? is she just trying to get money from you?
|
nta. her daughter is not part of your family. she could be if your relationship progresses to that point, but you haven’t even met the kid yet.
|
info: was she asking for money? or just compassion and emotional support? just because she is stressed about money doesn't mean you need to pay her bills, but as a boyfriend you should be understanding of her struggles and the stress she is under. (and this includes either planning less expensive dates or picking up the tab if you go more expensive places.)
|
nta
you shouldn't be expected to pay for a child you've never seen.
|
nta
she wants you to pay bills for a kid youve never even met?
nta.
|
nta. this isn’t your child, you’re not married to your significant other. your girlfriend is expecting too much from you to help with medicinal bills for her child after just six months... six months is not a long time. it’s literally not your responsibility it’s hers and the father’s.
|
nta
>she's saying i didn't care for her struggle and i'm not considering her daughter as part of my family.
this response makes it obvious what she was trying.
not your kid, not your problem.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (35m) am dating an amazing woman (28f). she has a 3 year old from her previous relationship. because of the unforeseen medical event of the child, my gf is struggling now. we have been in relationship for about 6 months and i have never met her daughter. she mentioned that she's struggling to meet her needs because of the unforeseen medical event. i could afford to help her. however, in my mind, the child's father should take the responsibility of the medical bills and i said to her what i was thinking. she was shocked to hear me say that and she's thinking that i'm not sympathizing with her. she's saying i didn't care for her struggle and i'm not considering her daughter as part of my family. aita for being detatched with a child that i haven't connected with and telling her that her or the child's father should take care of that problem? edit : based on comments below, she didn't ask money. but she said, since she's struggling, i'm welcome to help
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (35m) am dating an amazing woman (28f). she has a 3 year old from her previous relationship. because of the unforeseen medical event of the child, my gf is struggling now. we have been in relationship for about 6 months and i have never met her daughter. she mentioned that she's struggling to meet her needs because of the unforeseen medical event. i could afford to help her. however, in my mind, the child's father should take the responsibility of the medical bills and i said to her what i was thinking. she was shocked to hear me say that and she's thinking that i'm not sympathizing with her. she's saying i didn't care for her struggle and i'm not considering her daughter as part of my family. aita for being detatched with a child that i haven't connected with and telling her that her or the child's father should take care of that problem? edit : based on comments below, she didn't ask money. but she said, since she's struggling, i'm welcome to help [/INST] nta. why would you consider a child you've never met family? she crazy. </s>
|
AITA for celebrating Hanukkah w/o being Jewish?
|
backstory: growing up (f26) i lived in a household that was super religious (christian) and it put a big strain on my relationship with family as i’m sure we’ve all heard the horror stories of uber religious families. and my wife (f27) grew up in a similar situation except her family was jewish, not ethnically but religiously. we met in our late teens and once we were old enough we cut ties with all of our family, started our own lives, got married, etc. once we started to do our own thing we had to decide how to celebrate the holidays bc i celebrated christmas and she hanukkah. so we’d flip flop, this went on for about four years, until i just said “hey hanukkah is cool let’s to this” and so that’s what we celebrate now in winter. since we don’t have a super good relationship with religion we kinda took all of the religious aspect and just use it as a time to appreciate one another during the month and to partake in all of the fun traditions.
story: so i was talking to one of my coworkers, who is jewish, about plans for the holidays and i bring up celebrating hanukkah. so he starts to ask me about it and i tell him some of the things we do and how it came about and then he started going into how i was appropriating his culture and that i shouldn’t celebrate if i’m not jewish/don’t take it seriously. and so now i’m sort of considering bringing it up with my wife because while it’s something personal to us that we both respect and enjoy, it might be seen as offensive to people who’re actually celebrating it as a religious holiday. but at the same time there has to be other people who aren’t devoutly religious that celebrate hanukkah right? so aita for celebrating hanukkah?
| 165 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kju6fc/aita_for_celebrating_hanukkah_wo_being_jewish/
|
2020-12-25 06:01:05
|
nta, and this is a misuse of the word appropriation. you are in no way profiting from hanukah at the expense of jewish people. your private celebration in no way contributes to the marginalization of jewish people. you're observation of hanukah has no negative impact on jewish people whatsoever, and in no way interfere with the cultural practices of judaism. your coworker wouldn't have even known you celebrated hanukah if you hadn't had this conversation.
|
nta: does he know how many people celebrate christmas without being devout christians? i am sure there are plenty of case for hanukkah for this too.
honestly, do what makes you and your wife happy because religion can so easily ruin a relationship just as much as it can help build one. i don't think it is appropriation either. people need to stop throwing around that word to justify them being angry at people who genuinely enjoy aspects of other cultures.
|
from a person who celebrates chanukkah but it's only jew*ish* i can say that i've never met anyone who's offended by this. i always celebrated both growing up, and was raised by two non-religious people. nta. celebrate the holidays how you want to.
|
i’m jewish and grew up kinda lazily religious (i had a bat-mitzvah/went to hebrew school and my parents took us to high holiday services, but we weren’t there every friday and definitely didn’t keep kosher).
honestly, as long as you’re not hurting anyone or trying to twist the origins/story/traditions of chanukah into something else... i’m fine with it.
then again, i’m usually not offended by the stuff in the media that could be interpreted as anti-semitic (and usually is deemed such, just not by me), like the one yiddish comment in the umbrella academy, or the “jew face” of gentiles playing jews on tv/in movies.
i think intent plays a big part. you want to celebrate something in the winter and it’s just you and your wife. your doing so isn’t harming anyone. maybe if you market it as just “our winter holiday celebration” instead of chanukah? or, if you’re calling it chanukah, maybe read up on the actual story and its significance so you can share your interest in it next time with your coworker.
the thing is, chanukah isn’t even a religious holiday, per se. we pray as we light the candles, but it’s a largely secular holiday otherwise. the big ones are passover, rosh hashanah, yom kippur, and a few others...
you’re nta... your coworker overreacted a little; but even if you were celebrating it more traditionally, it would still be fine. your wife grew up jewish and it’s perfectly reasonable to enjoy those aspects of her upbringing (even with a twist).
|
nta that’s ridiculous, your so grew up jewish, are you supposed to lock yourself in the attic so she can celebrate hanukkah?
also just out of pure curiosity, why did you guys flip flop each year instead of just doing both?
|
her family are "not ethnically but religiously" jewish? what? so they're converts? or messianics? it makes a difference
you're nta i just fine this very weird
|
nta at all, celebrating things from others is not appropriation, it is appreciation
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: backstory: growing up (f26) i lived in a household that was super religious (christian) and it put a big strain on my relationship with family as i’m sure we’ve all heard the horror stories of uber religious families. and my wife (f27) grew up in a similar situation except her family was jewish, not ethnically but religiously. we met in our late teens and once we were old enough we cut ties with all of our family, started our own lives, got married, etc. once we started to do our own thing we had to decide how to celebrate the holidays bc i celebrated christmas and she hanukkah. so we’d flip flop, this went on for about four years, until i just said “hey hanukkah is cool let’s to this” and so that’s what we celebrate now in winter. since we don’t have a super good relationship with religion we kinda took all of the religious aspect and just use it as a time to appreciate one another during the month and to partake in all of the fun traditions. story: so i was talking to one of my coworkers, who is jewish, about plans for the holidays and i bring up celebrating hanukkah. so he starts to ask me about it and i tell him some of the things we do and how it came about and then he started going into how i was appropriating his culture and that i shouldn’t celebrate if i’m not jewish/don’t take it seriously. and so now i’m sort of considering bringing it up with my wife because while it’s something personal to us that we both respect and enjoy, it might be seen as offensive to people who’re actually celebrating it as a religious holiday. but at the same time there has to be other people who aren’t devoutly religious that celebrate hanukkah right? so aita for celebrating hanukkah?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
backstory: growing up (f26) i lived in a household that was super religious (christian) and it put a big strain on my relationship with family as i’m sure we’ve all heard the horror stories of uber religious families. and my wife (f27) grew up in a similar situation except her family was jewish, not ethnically but religiously. we met in our late teens and once we were old enough we cut ties with all of our family, started our own lives, got married, etc. once we started to do our own thing we had to decide how to celebrate the holidays bc i celebrated christmas and she hanukkah. so we’d flip flop, this went on for about four years, until i just said “hey hanukkah is cool let’s to this” and so that’s what we celebrate now in winter. since we don’t have a super good relationship with religion we kinda took all of the religious aspect and just use it as a time to appreciate one another during the month and to partake in all of the fun traditions. story: so i was talking to one of my coworkers, who is jewish, about plans for the holidays and i bring up celebrating hanukkah. so he starts to ask me about it and i tell him some of the things we do and how it came about and then he started going into how i was appropriating his culture and that i shouldn’t celebrate if i’m not jewish/don’t take it seriously. and so now i’m sort of considering bringing it up with my wife because while it’s something personal to us that we both respect and enjoy, it might be seen as offensive to people who’re actually celebrating it as a religious holiday. but at the same time there has to be other people who aren’t devoutly religious that celebrate hanukkah right? so aita for celebrating hanukkah? [/INST] nta, and this is a misuse of the word appropriation. you are in no way profiting from hanukah at the expense of jewish people. your private celebration in no way contributes to the marginalization of jewish people. you're observation of hanukah has no negative impact on jewish people whatsoever, and in no way interfere with the cultural practices of judaism. your coworker wouldn't have even known you celebrated hanukah if you hadn't had this conversation. </s>
|
AITA for requesting a tip before service?
|
i own a small diner and i have a small staff. we open at 10 a.m. and close at 10 p.m. i have a small staff and we all work hard everyday. yesterday was a pretty quiet day, it wasn't slow but it wasn't busy either. it was friday night, the weather is nice and people want to go home after a 12-hour shift.
at 9:40 p.m. 20 minutes before we close, a party at 15 comes walking through the door expecting service. i approached two of the gentleman and told them we was about to close in 20 minutes and if they wanted their food they needed to get it to go. the one guy looked at me with a snarky look, and pointed at his watch to symbol we was still open for 20 minutes. i tried to explain it by the time i was finished cooking their food it would already be past 10 and i didn't want to rush them through their meal. i told him the only way i would allow them to sit down and eat, is if they prepaid with a 25% gratuity to make it worth it for my servers to stay late.
after my request, the whole party got all pissy and left. seriously though they expect us to stay late, because they came 20 minutes before we closed!
| 3,820 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bvlr7i/aita_for_requesting_a_tip_before_service/
|
2019-06-01 15:07:43
|
nta
**in most cases** i honestly think that it's rude to request a tip up front **but** i think that the way you went about doing it was probably the best way this situation could be handled. by staying open later your payroll increases and it can cause issues for you and potentially your staff who may have later night plans. basically you told them you were charging them for causing you to have to keep the lights on longer and gave a reasonable alternative of take out food.
|
you need to change your signage.
ie. closes at 10pm last orders for food 9pm (or whatever time is acceptable to you)
|
nta
i'm not a tipping guy. all you have to do is see my post history.
buuut.. this time i'll make an exception. you were willing to stay open just for them. i think that deserves a tip.
i would have just kicked them out.
|
this is going to be a wildly unpopular opinion, but it needs to be said. despite what everyone else here things, yes, you are the ass hole. i'm saying this as a professional chef, second generation, with almost 20 years in the industry. i've done everything from busser and dishwasher to executive chef.
yes, late night walk ins are awful. nobody likes them. and yes, they are usually ass holes, because what kind of douche bag shows up at that hour? and especially with 14 of their friends. yes they are also ass holes. but so are you.
how much money would they have spent? a party of 15 is going to fork over some serious cash. and you don't need to tell them to tip up front, just auto-grat the check. it's an extremely common practice. almost every place i've worked in has had a policy of any table over 8 gets auto-grat. that's in 4 different states in different regions of the us, so it's by no means unique.
and while it may be a dick move, you *were* still open. if you didn't want to have any tables you should have closed. but you didn't. you stayed open. why? in order to make money. well, guess-fucking-what? money walked right in your front door. and you chased it out.
you're not just an ass hole, but wildly unprofessional, too. and when you manage to run your place into the ground by doing things like this, everyone is going to be out of a job.
oh yeah. one last thing. if they were all on 12 hour days, that's on you too. learn how to schedule.
|
nta. when any other business says they close at ten, that means everyone needs to get the fuck out at ten.
|
nta. i used to work retail and i hated it when people come in 1 minute before closing and look around forever.
i even had this guy one time when i was half way done closing the metal sliding door and he jumped into the store and said "made it!" like fuck off. i told him the store was closed and he was like, "but i'm inside" like he won. so i just went ahead and closed the metal sliding door and locked it up and walked away. he had to contact mall security to let him out. haha.
|
service industry veteran (3 years manager 10+server), probably will get some downvotes but meh...
yta- if your hours say "open until 10" that typically implies people can walk in until this time. you kind of shot yourself in the foot as some of these people will undoubtedly write bad yelp reviews. if you don't stick to your hours, you will stop getting walk-ins late at night which i assume is what you would want as a business operator. if you wanted to close early, you should have locked the doors and avoided the whole situation.
as for the tip, a better move would have been to add automatic gratuity onto their check. i've worked in the industry over 10 years and i've never heard of a pre-tip, i'm not surprised they were caught off-guard and upset. some states allow parties to opt-out of auto-grat but it's industry standard for parties over 8 and most people accept it or even tip on top.
i would recommend keeping an eye on yelp so you can respond to the bad reviews.
|
yta - but a mild one. if your sign says "open" you need to be prepared to serve customers that come in. how is a customer supposed to know when your cut-off time is unless you tell them? is it 45 mins before close? 30? 15?
i agree a group of 15 is a lot, but that's why most restaurants do an auto-grat on groups of 10+. it's simply understood that if you have a large group, you will be charged the gratuity on the bill.
the way you approached this is very unprofessional imho. "pay up your tip now and you can stay" was a shitty way to handle it. either serve them or don't.
you need to get your policies in order to prevent these things. something like "open to 10, kitchen closes at 9:30". or, say open to 10, but schedule your staff for a bit later.
|
esh. they suck for coming in that late and expecting full service for a large party. you suck for not having something posted about closing your kitchen 30 minutes before close. you can't expect someone to pay extra for unexpected cost like that.
|
nta. i'd be pissed if a group of 15 came in 20 minutes before close without any sort of warning or reservation.
it's common sense to know you're not supposed to show up to a restaurant at the last minute, let alone with a huge group like that. the fact that they got upset at paying gratuity up front is ridiculous.
you handled it about as well as possible.
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
| 0.425021 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i own a small diner and i have a small staff. we open at 10 a.m. and close at 10 p.m. i have a small staff and we all work hard everyday. yesterday was a pretty quiet day, it wasn't slow but it wasn't busy either. it was friday night, the weather is nice and people want to go home after a 12-hour shift. at 9:40 p.m. 20 minutes before we close, a party at 15 comes walking through the door expecting service. i approached two of the gentleman and told them we was about to close in 20 minutes and if they wanted their food they needed to get it to go. the one guy looked at me with a snarky look, and pointed at his watch to symbol we was still open for 20 minutes. i tried to explain it by the time i was finished cooking their food it would already be past 10 and i didn't want to rush them through their meal. i told him the only way i would allow them to sit down and eat, is if they prepaid with a 25% gratuity to make it worth it for my servers to stay late. after my request, the whole party got all pissy and left. seriously though they expect us to stay late, because they came 20 minutes before we closed!
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i own a small diner and i have a small staff. we open at 10 a.m. and close at 10 p.m. i have a small staff and we all work hard everyday. yesterday was a pretty quiet day, it wasn't slow but it wasn't busy either. it was friday night, the weather is nice and people want to go home after a 12-hour shift. at 9:40 p.m. 20 minutes before we close, a party at 15 comes walking through the door expecting service. i approached two of the gentleman and told them we was about to close in 20 minutes and if they wanted their food they needed to get it to go. the one guy looked at me with a snarky look, and pointed at his watch to symbol we was still open for 20 minutes. i tried to explain it by the time i was finished cooking their food it would already be past 10 and i didn't want to rush them through their meal. i told him the only way i would allow them to sit down and eat, is if they prepaid with a 25% gratuity to make it worth it for my servers to stay late. after my request, the whole party got all pissy and left. seriously though they expect us to stay late, because they came 20 minutes before we closed! [/INST] nta **in most cases** i honestly think that it's rude to request a tip up front **but** i think that the way you went about doing it was probably the best way this situation could be handled. by staying open later your payroll increases and it can cause issues for you and potentially your staff who may have later night plans. basically you told them you were charging them for causing you to have to keep the lights on longer and gave a reasonable alternative of take out food. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to bring my son to my in laws place until they get their dog trained
|
so my in laws got a dog from the shelter about a year and a half ago. it was very nervous around everyone but they still wanted it. the dog has warmed up to them but only them. she barks at everyone that enters the house and when they leave she runs up to the window and barks at them as they walk away.
so a couple of weeks ago we're there for mother's day and the dog seems extra aggressive towards me, the dog has never liked me. we all had dinner in the backyard and as i'm walking inside the dog starts barking at me and charges me while my back is turned, while i'm sitting on the sofa she'll come out of the room see me and just start barking, something she's never done before.
my wife and i had our first kid about 3 months ago. i was talking to my wife and telling her that if her parents don't get that dog some training we're not bringing our son to their place anymore. i'm more concerned about when my son is more mobile and the dog attacking him. i don't feel like i'm wrong in this but i just want to make sure.
| 245 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bs16h9/aita_for_not_wanting_to_bring_my_son_to_my_in/
|
2019-05-23 10:19:11
|
nta, you've gotta look out for your kid.
to keep the peace, perhaps they can put the dog in the backyard or a closed room while you're visiting?
|
nta.
kids safety comes first. period.
the dog is giving them warning signs that it is on guard/uncomfortable/nervous. which isn’t the dogs fault. i’m assuming they don’t know its history. they need to bring in a professional. they don’t want to just shush the dog when it barks, because that’s a warning sign. if they just train the dog not to give a warning sign, it could snap at or bite someone without warning.
|
nta - do you know how people get a fear of dogs? by being bitten as a kid with no warning signs. if the parents just shut the dog up without adressing the problem, he could bite at any moment without a warning sign. and the dog won't understand that your son is too little to pose a threat.
|
nta here’s how i’d sell it: the safest thing for that dog is for you to not bring over your child. a dog that hurts a child is usually put down for good reason. keep everyone safe by keeping them separate.
|
[deleted]
|
nta - your son is just a wee baby :( no need to put him in any danger, perceived or otherwise. also, all dogs should be trained. clearly this one needs behavioral training, it’s probably not happy being angry/scared all the time either. also, your kid your rules ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ultimatums suck but you’re in the right.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my in laws got a dog from the shelter about a year and a half ago. it was very nervous around everyone but they still wanted it. the dog has warmed up to them but only them. she barks at everyone that enters the house and when they leave she runs up to the window and barks at them as they walk away. so a couple of weeks ago we're there for mother's day and the dog seems extra aggressive towards me, the dog has never liked me. we all had dinner in the backyard and as i'm walking inside the dog starts barking at me and charges me while my back is turned, while i'm sitting on the sofa she'll come out of the room see me and just start barking, something she's never done before. my wife and i had our first kid about 3 months ago. i was talking to my wife and telling her that if her parents don't get that dog some training we're not bringing our son to their place anymore. i'm more concerned about when my son is more mobile and the dog attacking him. i don't feel like i'm wrong in this but i just want to make sure.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my in laws got a dog from the shelter about a year and a half ago. it was very nervous around everyone but they still wanted it. the dog has warmed up to them but only them. she barks at everyone that enters the house and when they leave she runs up to the window and barks at them as they walk away. so a couple of weeks ago we're there for mother's day and the dog seems extra aggressive towards me, the dog has never liked me. we all had dinner in the backyard and as i'm walking inside the dog starts barking at me and charges me while my back is turned, while i'm sitting on the sofa she'll come out of the room see me and just start barking, something she's never done before. my wife and i had our first kid about 3 months ago. i was talking to my wife and telling her that if her parents don't get that dog some training we're not bringing our son to their place anymore. i'm more concerned about when my son is more mobile and the dog attacking him. i don't feel like i'm wrong in this but i just want to make sure. [/INST] nta, you've gotta look out for your kid. to keep the peace, perhaps they can put the dog in the backyard or a closed room while you're visiting? </s>
|
AITA for calling my wife's proclaimed "favorite show of all time" cheesy and cringy?
|
my wife has some real niche interests most of which i don't understand but they're hers not mine so we haven't had a problem. she been into foreign dramas most of her life, and she found some chinese drama that she can't get over whatsoever. seriously, it's been almost a year. she started running a twitter account dedicated to it, has made friends in the community, and will tell me stuff about it sometimes. whatever, i don't mind.
yesterday she asked me to watch it with her, which is strange because she usually doesn't say this to me (i don't like tv shows in general, no attention span). i reminded her of this, and she asked me to try one episode anyway because it's her, as she said directly "favorite show of all time". i was feeling a little cranky and put off that she would insist instead of just leaving me alone, but i said yes anyway.
the episode was horrible and confusing, the sfx were pathetic and i don't know if i was generally cranky or what, but i just started laughing at a very serious thing (or meant to be serious). she asked me what was up and i just said something like "this is so cheesy and cringy, why do you like this."
we didn't argue per se but she kept saying "oh this is just the first episode" but it just wasn't good? anyway we watched maybe 30 or so minutes before i couldnt take it anymore. problem is, now she's acting hurt. i don't get it. i don't have to like everything she likes. i don't feel like apologising or anything, but if i fucked up maybe i might so she'll stop being so down i guess.
| 317 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hzieaa/aita_for_calling_my_wifes_proclaimed_favorite/
|
2020-07-28 17:02:19
|
yta
she wanted to share something she enjoyed with you and basically you told her you thought she was an idiot.
"not my thing, but i'm glad you enjoy it." would have sufficed.
|
yta. she wanted you to watch one episode of a show she likes. knowing that it is her favorite show, you still laughed at it and made fun of it.
|
yta. you could've just been polite and tactful- you know how much it means to her.
|
yta
you couldn’t feign interest for an hour or so for your wife who obviously is very passionate? first, if you were in a cranky mood i would communicated that and said you should watch it when you’re feeling better. i understand why you maybe didn’t like it, but you didn’t have to mean about it. you could have told her at the end you understand why she likes it but it’s just not quite for you.
|
yta, not for disliking the show, but for how you expressed it. alternatives to "cheesy and cringy" are:
- i'm glad you found something you enjoy, but this isn't for me.
- this isn't my cup of tea.
- i don't enjoy this type of show, but i can see that you like it.
- this isn't the kind of content i enjoy. i see that you like it, so can you tell me what it is you love about it so much? perhaps we can find something we both enjoy that has similar elements to this.
- thank you for sharing something you enjoy so much with me. i can see it makes you happy.
|
yta - stop making people feel bad for harmless little things they enjoy. you don’t have to like it, but then say “i don’t like it.” don’t say “this is crap.” there’s a difference, ya know.
|
yta. it is one thing to make a good faith effort to get into a show, or anything else your partner is interested in and then determine you don't care for it. it appears you went into this unwilling to really even try and then bailed out halfway through the first episode. that's just rude and it shouldn't surprise you that she is hurt that you didn't even make and effort for something she cared about.
|
hey, some people like k-pop and korean dramas, some people love masterpiece theater and some people like spongebob, that aside, you could have been tactful, i bet you have stupid interests and hobbies too. you don't have to like the show, fine, but your an asshole for the way you spoke to your wife.
|
yta, you don’t have to like it and saying “sorry i don’t think this is for me” would have been fine. but actively insulting something that you know means a lot to her wife and being hostile towards her enjoyment of it is pretty shitty.
|
the show i’d bet is the untamed and man you have no joy in your heart if you can’t find humour in that batshit crazy show. yta
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife has some real niche interests most of which i don't understand but they're hers not mine so we haven't had a problem. she been into foreign dramas most of her life, and she found some chinese drama that she can't get over whatsoever. seriously, it's been almost a year. she started running a twitter account dedicated to it, has made friends in the community, and will tell me stuff about it sometimes. whatever, i don't mind. yesterday she asked me to watch it with her, which is strange because she usually doesn't say this to me (i don't like tv shows in general, no attention span). i reminded her of this, and she asked me to try one episode anyway because it's her, as she said directly "favorite show of all time". i was feeling a little cranky and put off that she would insist instead of just leaving me alone, but i said yes anyway. the episode was horrible and confusing, the sfx were pathetic and i don't know if i was generally cranky or what, but i just started laughing at a very serious thing (or meant to be serious). she asked me what was up and i just said something like "this is so cheesy and cringy, why do you like this." we didn't argue per se but she kept saying "oh this is just the first episode" but it just wasn't good? anyway we watched maybe 30 or so minutes before i couldnt take it anymore. problem is, now she's acting hurt. i don't get it. i don't have to like everything she likes. i don't feel like apologising or anything, but if i fucked up maybe i might so she'll stop being so down i guess.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife has some real niche interests most of which i don't understand but they're hers not mine so we haven't had a problem. she been into foreign dramas most of her life, and she found some chinese drama that she can't get over whatsoever. seriously, it's been almost a year. she started running a twitter account dedicated to it, has made friends in the community, and will tell me stuff about it sometimes. whatever, i don't mind. yesterday she asked me to watch it with her, which is strange because she usually doesn't say this to me (i don't like tv shows in general, no attention span). i reminded her of this, and she asked me to try one episode anyway because it's her, as she said directly "favorite show of all time". i was feeling a little cranky and put off that she would insist instead of just leaving me alone, but i said yes anyway. the episode was horrible and confusing, the sfx were pathetic and i don't know if i was generally cranky or what, but i just started laughing at a very serious thing (or meant to be serious). she asked me what was up and i just said something like "this is so cheesy and cringy, why do you like this." we didn't argue per se but she kept saying "oh this is just the first episode" but it just wasn't good? anyway we watched maybe 30 or so minutes before i couldnt take it anymore. problem is, now she's acting hurt. i don't get it. i don't have to like everything she likes. i don't feel like apologising or anything, but if i fucked up maybe i might so she'll stop being so down i guess. [/INST] yta she wanted to share something she enjoyed with you and basically you told her you thought she was an idiot. "not my thing, but i'm glad you enjoy it." would have sufficed. </s>
|
AITA for cooking food my roommate is allergic to?
|
my roommate has a shellfish allergy and i do sometimes cook shrimp with my meals. now i always clean up my mess. dishes are washed immediately after cooking, and i wipe down the counters with clorox wipes to make sure there are no contaminants.
my roommate still complains when i do, though she has made it clear that she is in no danger of an allergic reaction as long as i do clean up after myself. should i just stop cooking shrimp entirely? i try not to cook when she's in the apartment so she doesn't have to smell it but i feel kind of bad. she won't say **why** she doesn't want me cooking shrimp, just that i should stop. i am very careful when i do cook, i make sure of that, and i'd feel awful if i accidentally triggered an allergic reaction.
i also take her allergies into consideration when i cook for the whole apartment, i would never purposefully cook something that not everyone could eat if i am indeed cooking for everyone.
so am an asshole for continuing to cook shrimp? should i stop?
| 357 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e16wdy/aita_for_cooking_food_my_roommate_is_allergic_to/
|
2019-11-24 23:31:49
|
nta at all. the key things that doesn’t make you an asshole is she can be around it but can’t ingest it and the fact you thoroughly clean everything afterwards. i have a tree nut allergy that acts up when ingested (even if it touches something) and couldn’t imagine demanding someone to not cook with tree nuts or eat them in my vicinity.
|
yta - it’s not your fault she’s allergic to shellfish, so only light yta. shellfish allergies are typically very bad. cooking it while she’s home may trigger hers just because it’s in the air. it only takes missing a square inch on the counter or improperly cleaning a pan to send her to the hospital, so it’s a pretty big deal to cook it where she lives. do her a favor, and eat your shellfish elsewhere— at a nice restaurant or grab a shrimp cocktail ring from the grocery store and take it on a picnic.
|
yta. the potential consequences for your housemate far outweigh the advantages to you. stop cooking an (her) anaphylactic allergen in your shared kitchen.
|
yta there are plenty of other foods you can eat, and i see from other replies that she could possibly die from a reaction. just because you think you are being careful doesn't mean you always will be. we're humans, we mess up. please be more considerate to her
|
yta - this allergy could kill her and while it's nice to think you'll always be careful and clean really well it's not like you'll die without eating shellfish. my brother is so allergic that we simply couldn't cook it because if one of us didn't wash our hands and touched him he could get an allergic reaction. also, can you imagine how scary this is for her?? to know you're literally putting something that could kill her in your house when you dont need to?
|
yta, people with shellfish allergies that are anaphylactic can go into shock just by breathing in the protein.
|
people have died from anaphalaxis just being adjacent to a plate of shellfish. she’s playing it safe.
|
yta. that’s a serious allergy and one mistake could result in death or hospitalization. why risk it? is it that big of a sacrifice? (well, it might be if you really like shrimp lol)
|
yta. considering some people with shellfish allergies can get an allergic reaction just from say, breathing in steam from someone cooking shellfish, you are putting her at risk.
|
nah. you are doing your due diligence in cleaning up. she's keeping herself safe.
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
NAH
| 0.111464 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my roommate has a shellfish allergy and i do sometimes cook shrimp with my meals. now i always clean up my mess. dishes are washed immediately after cooking, and i wipe down the counters with clorox wipes to make sure there are no contaminants. my roommate still complains when i do, though she has made it clear that she is in no danger of an allergic reaction as long as i do clean up after myself. should i just stop cooking shrimp entirely? i try not to cook when she's in the apartment so she doesn't have to smell it but i feel kind of bad. she won't say **why** she doesn't want me cooking shrimp, just that i should stop. i am very careful when i do cook, i make sure of that, and i'd feel awful if i accidentally triggered an allergic reaction. i also take her allergies into consideration when i cook for the whole apartment, i would never purposefully cook something that not everyone could eat if i am indeed cooking for everyone. so am an asshole for continuing to cook shrimp? should i stop?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my roommate has a shellfish allergy and i do sometimes cook shrimp with my meals. now i always clean up my mess. dishes are washed immediately after cooking, and i wipe down the counters with clorox wipes to make sure there are no contaminants. my roommate still complains when i do, though she has made it clear that she is in no danger of an allergic reaction as long as i do clean up after myself. should i just stop cooking shrimp entirely? i try not to cook when she's in the apartment so she doesn't have to smell it but i feel kind of bad. she won't say **why** she doesn't want me cooking shrimp, just that i should stop. i am very careful when i do cook, i make sure of that, and i'd feel awful if i accidentally triggered an allergic reaction. i also take her allergies into consideration when i cook for the whole apartment, i would never purposefully cook something that not everyone could eat if i am indeed cooking for everyone. so am an asshole for continuing to cook shrimp? should i stop? [/INST] nta at all. the key things that doesn’t make you an asshole is she can be around it but can’t ingest it and the fact you thoroughly clean everything afterwards. i have a tree nut allergy that acts up when ingested (even if it touches something) and couldn’t imagine demanding someone to not cook with tree nuts or eat them in my vicinity. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to cook a vegan dinner for my brother's GF
|
christmas is coming up, and i'm (23f) hosting it this year for the first time. this means, of course, that i'm doing most of the cooking. my older brother (25m) is making dessert but the rest is on me.
now, my younger brother (21m) is currently dating a girl (20f) that's vegan and the menu i prepared is very much not a vegan one. i honestly didn't think he was gonna bring her since they haven't been dating for that long but he called earlier today to "remind" me to make a vegan variation of the menu for her as if he'd told me this in the first place. and i was like, okay, sure, i know how to make some vegan foods and i'll cook that for her. but no, apparently he meant to recreate the stuff i already planned to cook but like, in a vegan way. i told him no way am i learning how to cook vegan versions of this stuff three days before the dinner. i've actually looked up recipes for this stuff but it looks completely different and i am not one to usually get food right on the first try.
so i told him i could make the vegan stuff i know how to do and she could take it or leave it. and he's said that that's just going to make her feel left out and like an outsider during a dinner where she's meeting a couple of people for the first time and that i could at least *try* to accomodate her. my mother has called to tell me to not be difficult. but i don't see how her eating food that looks different will be that big of a deal.
&#x200b;
edit/
| 603 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rl6mrz/aita_for_refusing_to_cook_a_vegan_dinner_for_my/
|
2021-12-21 04:56:34
|
nta.
tell bro and mom that if it’s so damn easy, they are welcome to do vegan versions of your dinner.
|
nta
my brother is a vegan and when he comes to visit he brings his own food. my mum might make him a vegan dinner for the day arrives but that's about it.
|
nta. you are offering a reasonable accommodation. send your brother and mother the recipes and let them know since it’s so important to them, you will ensure that there is space for their contributions to the meal.
|
nta. i've been vegan for over 6 years and that fact that you're accommodating like that is amazing tbh. often what happens is a host will make their meal like normal and then point to a few dishes i can eat (like mashed potatoes and veggies), but there isn't a full meal. i'm aware trying to cook most of that would include some obscure ingredients and such which can be hard to find- even harder to make taste good lol, so if you can find a dish that you're more confident in, it 10000% makes sense to go with that.
|
[deleted]
|
nta. if your mother and brother are this concerned about it, there’s nothing stopping them from whipping up a couple vegan dishes themselves.
|
nta especially without more advanced notice. you offered to make her something that would work. it’s pretty weird that everyone thinks you can just make a vegan version of the dinner you already have planned, without having done it before. not sure why that’s the expectation anyway. maybe your brother or your mom can make her something then?
|
nta. it's not a reasonable accommodation to make exactly the same dish twice...and many vegans don't even like meat. (we have some vegetarians in the family and at our family meals, they replace chicken soup with matzo balls with a tomato-based veggie soup and put matzo balls in that. we offered to try to find them mock chicken soup and they refused saying theirs was better)
your brother and mother are free to make replacement dishes for her but they're being incredibly rude and criticizing your perfectly acceptable plan.
|
nta. this is a classic case of veganism lost in translation. if gf is a real vegan, she doesn't want to eat some vital wheat gluten version of your traditional meaty dishes to feel included, she will be happy with the stuff you know how to make. it's your brother and your mom that can't imagine going without the meat and think there needs to be an exact replica.
|
nta
it sounds like you are willing to ensure that the meal includes things she can enjoy. your brother is insane to think you need to revamp the entire meal to accommodate her....and if she's a decent human being, she'd be mortified by his making such a demand.
if it's so important to him that this first meeting involves everyone eating the same food, he should have arranged a nice vegan meal sometime between thanksgiving and now, 5 days before christmas.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: christmas is coming up, and i'm (23f) hosting it this year for the first time. this means, of course, that i'm doing most of the cooking. my older brother (25m) is making dessert but the rest is on me. now, my younger brother (21m) is currently dating a girl (20f) that's vegan and the menu i prepared is very much not a vegan one. i honestly didn't think he was gonna bring her since they haven't been dating for that long but he called earlier today to "remind" me to make a vegan variation of the menu for her as if he'd told me this in the first place. and i was like, okay, sure, i know how to make some vegan foods and i'll cook that for her. but no, apparently he meant to recreate the stuff i already planned to cook but like, in a vegan way. i told him no way am i learning how to cook vegan versions of this stuff three days before the dinner. i've actually looked up recipes for this stuff but it looks completely different and i am not one to usually get food right on the first try. so i told him i could make the vegan stuff i know how to do and she could take it or leave it. and he's said that that's just going to make her feel left out and like an outsider during a dinner where she's meeting a couple of people for the first time and that i could at least *try* to accomodate her. my mother has called to tell me to not be difficult. but i don't see how her eating food that looks different will be that big of a deal. &#x200b; edit/
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
christmas is coming up, and i'm (23f) hosting it this year for the first time. this means, of course, that i'm doing most of the cooking. my older brother (25m) is making dessert but the rest is on me. now, my younger brother (21m) is currently dating a girl (20f) that's vegan and the menu i prepared is very much not a vegan one. i honestly didn't think he was gonna bring her since they haven't been dating for that long but he called earlier today to "remind" me to make a vegan variation of the menu for her as if he'd told me this in the first place. and i was like, okay, sure, i know how to make some vegan foods and i'll cook that for her. but no, apparently he meant to recreate the stuff i already planned to cook but like, in a vegan way. i told him no way am i learning how to cook vegan versions of this stuff three days before the dinner. i've actually looked up recipes for this stuff but it looks completely different and i am not one to usually get food right on the first try. so i told him i could make the vegan stuff i know how to do and she could take it or leave it. and he's said that that's just going to make her feel left out and like an outsider during a dinner where she's meeting a couple of people for the first time and that i could at least *try* to accomodate her. my mother has called to tell me to not be difficult. but i don't see how her eating food that looks different will be that big of a deal. &#x200b; edit/ [/INST] nta. tell bro and mom that if it’s so damn easy, they are welcome to do vegan versions of your dinner. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to ''see other options'' for a girl and pressing charges for what she did to my son's car?
|
my (39m) son (17m) bryce dated our neighbor lana (17f) for a year, they broke up mid jan for reasons i don't know. i won't sugarcoat this, i never liked lana, she always seem a little unhinged, controlling and aggressive, she's always demanding bryce's attention and there were quite a few times when she showed up on our house our of nowhere (whether it was 7am or 11pm) because bryce wasn't answering his phone, screaming and calling him a cheater when it wasn't like that. the thought of our son getting abused by his gf made us worried so much.
my wife and i tried to talk him out of that relationship, we said how that it wasn't normal nor healthy, we didn't want to force the break up because we feared lana would lash out to him so we tried to do it in an sneaky way, we don't know if it worked but they ended up breaking up.
he said that after he broke up with her lana didn't contacted him which was weird because he expected her to go nuts but i told him that if fate didn't gave him shit he better not tease it. now the problem is that we bought my son a car for christmas, nothing fancy but enough to get him to school, his job and eventually college, he parks it in our driveway outside our home. ever since the month began we had been founding scratches all over the car, we know lana was doing it but since it was minimal my son decided to not do anything even if we could prove that it was her (we've cctv). still, something smell bad for me so i decided to switch one of the cameras facing his car directly just in case.
well, two weeks ago we got up and we found my son's car covered in a lot of shit: paint, glue, feathers, confetti, the door handles were wrecked, flat tires, paint all over the windows, you get the picture, bryce and my wife were so distraught. we called the police and i handled them the cctv that showed lana and her brother (23m) destroying my son's car. we pressed charges and needles to say, lana's brother went straight to jail, but since she's still a minor her parents want to make a deal but i refused. i don't think she should get a way out, before the police was here she was laughing her ass off and she tried to play it cool, if she thought this was funny then she's old enough to face the consequences. my wife and i want to stand our ground, they said they'll buy my son a better car and put lana on therapy but is not enough. aita?
| 32,973 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t2z9oa/aita_for_refusing_to_see_other_options_for_a_girl/
|
2022-02-27 22:12:02
|
nta. this is the wake up call she needs
|
nta
if you cave, you’re literally teaching lana that no matter what criminal or sociopathic acts she does in the future, her parents will buy her way out of trouble.
she needs to learn early there are consequences to criminal actions.
|
nta and tell a lawyer they tried to bribe you. pretty sure that’s illegal
|
lana needs therapy. and press charges. possibly since she is minor with mental health issues she may get steered in the right direction. but if you drop this, she gets a free pass and could go worse next time. physical violence against an object (car) could escalate to
physical violence against your son. i wouldn’t want to take that chance.
|
[removed]
|
nta! you need to stay the course. this girl needs to know her actions have serious consequences. and more than that, i’m happy your son has such supportive parents
|
nta
she's old enough to learn lessons on actions and consequences. in fact, now is a good age before things get a lot more serious and she is actually liable for jail time.
|
nta. depending on where you live and that the girl is only 17 i'm guessing her parents will end up buying your son a car anyway. be sure to press civil charges for the destruction of his vehicle. she needs to learn there are consequences for her actions. play stupid games win stupid prizes as they say.
|
nta. this is a golden opportunity for her to learn that actions have consequences.
why are the parents ok with their son being punished more than their daughter who instigated the whole thing. that's the ah move!
|
nta. therapy isn't going to help her if she hasn't accepted that she's in the wrong and her behaviour needs to change. it will be entirely meaningless for her, especially as her family is just reinforcing the behaviour by helping trash the car, and bailing her out.
consequences for said behaviour are the only way she will see it as needing to change, and eventually accept help. and it's well past time she received some.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (39m) son (17m) bryce dated our neighbor lana (17f) for a year, they broke up mid jan for reasons i don't know. i won't sugarcoat this, i never liked lana, she always seem a little unhinged, controlling and aggressive, she's always demanding bryce's attention and there were quite a few times when she showed up on our house our of nowhere (whether it was 7am or 11pm) because bryce wasn't answering his phone, screaming and calling him a cheater when it wasn't like that. the thought of our son getting abused by his gf made us worried so much. my wife and i tried to talk him out of that relationship, we said how that it wasn't normal nor healthy, we didn't want to force the break up because we feared lana would lash out to him so we tried to do it in an sneaky way, we don't know if it worked but they ended up breaking up. he said that after he broke up with her lana didn't contacted him which was weird because he expected her to go nuts but i told him that if fate didn't gave him shit he better not tease it. now the problem is that we bought my son a car for christmas, nothing fancy but enough to get him to school, his job and eventually college, he parks it in our driveway outside our home. ever since the month began we had been founding scratches all over the car, we know lana was doing it but since it was minimal my son decided to not do anything even if we could prove that it was her (we've cctv). still, something smell bad for me so i decided to switch one of the cameras facing his car directly just in case. well, two weeks ago we got up and we found my son's car covered in a lot of shit: paint, glue, feathers, confetti, the door handles were wrecked, flat tires, paint all over the windows, you get the picture, bryce and my wife were so distraught. we called the police and i handled them the cctv that showed lana and her brother (23m) destroying my son's car. we pressed charges and needles to say, lana's brother went straight to jail, but since she's still a minor her parents want to make a deal but i refused. i don't think she should get a way out, before the police was here she was laughing her ass off and she tried to play it cool, if she thought this was funny then she's old enough to face the consequences. my wife and i want to stand our ground, they said they'll buy my son a better car and put lana on therapy but is not enough. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (39m) son (17m) bryce dated our neighbor lana (17f) for a year, they broke up mid jan for reasons i don't know. i won't sugarcoat this, i never liked lana, she always seem a little unhinged, controlling and aggressive, she's always demanding bryce's attention and there were quite a few times when she showed up on our house our of nowhere (whether it was 7am or 11pm) because bryce wasn't answering his phone, screaming and calling him a cheater when it wasn't like that. the thought of our son getting abused by his gf made us worried so much. my wife and i tried to talk him out of that relationship, we said how that it wasn't normal nor healthy, we didn't want to force the break up because we feared lana would lash out to him so we tried to do it in an sneaky way, we don't know if it worked but they ended up breaking up. he said that after he broke up with her lana didn't contacted him which was weird because he expected her to go nuts but i told him that if fate didn't gave him shit he better not tease it. now the problem is that we bought my son a car for christmas, nothing fancy but enough to get him to school, his job and eventually college, he parks it in our driveway outside our home. ever since the month began we had been founding scratches all over the car, we know lana was doing it but since it was minimal my son decided to not do anything even if we could prove that it was her (we've cctv). still, something smell bad for me so i decided to switch one of the cameras facing his car directly just in case. well, two weeks ago we got up and we found my son's car covered in a lot of shit: paint, glue, feathers, confetti, the door handles were wrecked, flat tires, paint all over the windows, you get the picture, bryce and my wife were so distraught. we called the police and i handled them the cctv that showed lana and her brother (23m) destroying my son's car. we pressed charges and needles to say, lana's brother went straight to jail, but since she's still a minor her parents want to make a deal but i refused. i don't think she should get a way out, before the police was here she was laughing her ass off and she tried to play it cool, if she thought this was funny then she's old enough to face the consequences. my wife and i want to stand our ground, they said they'll buy my son a better car and put lana on therapy but is not enough. aita? [/INST] nta. this is the wake up call she needs </s>
|
AITA for blackmailing my cousins into not telling an embarrassing story at my little sister's wedding.
|
obviously a throwaway.
my 35m little sister was born when i was ten. my parents expected me to help with her and i tried my best. when she was about three months of i was told to change her diaper. i tried but i ended up puking on the poor baby. it was so gross. my older cousin 38 was there and he loves to tell that story.
well we are talking about my sister's wedding and he says that he is going to tell the story. i say it's gross and not appropriate and that it is embarrassing to me and my sister. he said it's part of family legend and everyone will think it's funny.
so fine i agree. then i mentioned the time that he almost threw his baby son over a picnic table. he was holding his son and making himself a sandwich when he noticed that he had mustard on his arm. so he licked it off. it wasn't mustard. baby poop is weird. i had to take the baby because he literally was looking like he was going to chuck the kid. then he went over to a tree and threw up for about five minutes. we told everyone there that it was food poisoning.
he started yelling and saying that it wasn't the same and that i am an ass for threatening to bring that up and that lots of people don't know. yeah lots of people don't know because i kept my mouth shut.
so am i the asshole for threatening reciprocity?
| 6,897 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yym0re/aita_for_blackmailing_my_cousins_into_not_telling/
|
2022-11-18 14:55:31
|
nta. oh how the baby poop turn tables for your older cousin.
i love how both stories are baby poop related. so perfect. 🤌
|
embarrassing stories are not the same, when you become the main character.
he is a hypocrite.
nta.
|
nta. ask your cousin what the harm is in adding a bit to family legend that everyone will think is funny?
|
nta. turn about is always fair play. always.
|
nta. that’s perfect that he has baby+poop=puke story of his own that he’s embarrassed by (and he wasn’t 10). well played.
|
nta but tell your sister now so she's aware of his plan. she may opt to just uninvite him. he sounds like an inconsiderate ah.
|
nta
i have a deep fury for people who insist on telling embarrassing stories they've been told not to tell.
my sister has one that she hates, and it's not even embarrassing. something that happened 20 years ago, or more, where she was the "victim" of someone else's mistake (nothing serious or criminal). personally, i wouldn't be embarrassed by it at all. but she is, and i never tell it, because she asked me not to. but to this day, my parents insist on telling it, despite her visible discomfort and her having asked them multiple times to stop. i do my best to deflect/interrupt, but it doesn't always help.
i was her "man of honor" at her wedding, and her only request for my speech was "please don't be mean." i felt so bad about that, not because i was planning on being mean (funny, yes, mean, no), but that she was clearly thinking of that, and other times when people insisted on telling stories she hated.
|
nta - don’t dish it if you can’t take it!
|
nta but why is no one talking about the parents who forced their 10 yo child to change a diaper?
|
nta and obvs a genuine, loving brother.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: obviously a throwaway. my 35m little sister was born when i was ten. my parents expected me to help with her and i tried my best. when she was about three months of i was told to change her diaper. i tried but i ended up puking on the poor baby. it was so gross. my older cousin 38 was there and he loves to tell that story. well we are talking about my sister's wedding and he says that he is going to tell the story. i say it's gross and not appropriate and that it is embarrassing to me and my sister. he said it's part of family legend and everyone will think it's funny. so fine i agree. then i mentioned the time that he almost threw his baby son over a picnic table. he was holding his son and making himself a sandwich when he noticed that he had mustard on his arm. so he licked it off. it wasn't mustard. baby poop is weird. i had to take the baby because he literally was looking like he was going to chuck the kid. then he went over to a tree and threw up for about five minutes. we told everyone there that it was food poisoning. he started yelling and saying that it wasn't the same and that i am an ass for threatening to bring that up and that lots of people don't know. yeah lots of people don't know because i kept my mouth shut. so am i the asshole for threatening reciprocity?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
obviously a throwaway. my 35m little sister was born when i was ten. my parents expected me to help with her and i tried my best. when she was about three months of i was told to change her diaper. i tried but i ended up puking on the poor baby. it was so gross. my older cousin 38 was there and he loves to tell that story. well we are talking about my sister's wedding and he says that he is going to tell the story. i say it's gross and not appropriate and that it is embarrassing to me and my sister. he said it's part of family legend and everyone will think it's funny. so fine i agree. then i mentioned the time that he almost threw his baby son over a picnic table. he was holding his son and making himself a sandwich when he noticed that he had mustard on his arm. so he licked it off. it wasn't mustard. baby poop is weird. i had to take the baby because he literally was looking like he was going to chuck the kid. then he went over to a tree and threw up for about five minutes. we told everyone there that it was food poisoning. he started yelling and saying that it wasn't the same and that i am an ass for threatening to bring that up and that lots of people don't know. yeah lots of people don't know because i kept my mouth shut. so am i the asshole for threatening reciprocity? [/INST] nta. oh how the baby poop turn tables for your older cousin. i love how both stories are baby poop related. so perfect. 🤌 </s>
|
AITA for giving my daughter the period talk because my wife is away for business?
|
my wife and i have twins, a son and a daughter. my wife said that she wanted to do the period talk with my daughter, and i happily said okay at the time(around when they were born).
the issue is that today my daughter got her period, and it was around 3am in korea. i figured i shouldn’t call and wake her, and that the talk over the phone would be difficult.
so i sat her down and explained what she should do and got her one of my wife’s pads. she seemed okay, and so about an hour ago my wife called like she has for the past few days when she woke up.
i told her what happened and she flipped out and said that i agreed she could do it, and that i stole an experience from her. i told her i would have let her do it if she was here or it was a reasonable time in korea, but that a phone call when she’s half asleep seemed like a bad idea.
she hung up and said we’d talk about it when she gets back. aita here?
| 261 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eufi73/aita_for_giving_my_daughter_the_period_talk/
|
2020-01-27 00:02:39
|
nta. but the talk should have been had *before* she has her first period. i can't believe you left it this late – that was definitely irresponsible of you both; and your wife has only herself to blame for not doing it on time.
also, you should educate your son about periods too, so that he understands what his sister, friends and possible girlfriends go through, and knows that it's nothing embarrassing, weird or gross.
|
nta. your wife had years to do it. she didn’t and the time came. you stepped up and made sure your daughter was ok.
|
nta
you daughter had an immediate need, you took care of it, because you were there and could do it. your wife wasn't.
your wife has to remember that your daughters needs trump any romanticized notions of experiences.
you done good. your wife needs to relax.
|
your daughter *got* her period, *then* got the talk? esh (as in both you and your wife). this talk is years late.
in fact that is being presented as a singular talk makes you both suck. i have 3 daughters, 6yrs and younger. i have been having age appropriate mini talks with them for years. as they mature, so does the information i give them (and the questions they ask). menstruation is a monthly occurrence that continues for many decades; most women will experience several hundred periods in her life. this deserves *attention* and being *normalized*.
|
nta. what was the alternative, let your daughter think she broke her vagina for a few days until your wife returns?
|
nta. you sound like an awesome dad.
|
nta...you didn’t have a choice. i will say that both of you are dumb as hell though. you don’t wait until the period starts to have the talk...you do that years before so it’s normalized and expected. i started talking to my daughter about it at 7 or 8. she’s 10 and still hasn’t started, but she’s very prepared for when it does. please learn from this and discuss things with your kids before it becomes an issue...things like sex, drugs, bullying, harassment, etc.
|
nta - she should have had the talk with her from a much younger age. having a follow up conversation is a good idea too.
|
nta - when your kid approaches you bleeding from somewhere unexpected and presumably in pain, you deal with it, right then and there. you don’t brush them off til hours later for the sake of someone else laying claim to a supposedly treasured experience. you help the person who needs help, _when_ they need help.
|
nta. sounds like your wife is just resentful that she has to be away—maybe not even mad at you. honestly, i’d be relieved if my husband had to explain and help with that and he took the reins like you did.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.010125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i have twins, a son and a daughter. my wife said that she wanted to do the period talk with my daughter, and i happily said okay at the time(around when they were born). the issue is that today my daughter got her period, and it was around 3am in korea. i figured i shouldn’t call and wake her, and that the talk over the phone would be difficult. so i sat her down and explained what she should do and got her one of my wife’s pads. she seemed okay, and so about an hour ago my wife called like she has for the past few days when she woke up. i told her what happened and she flipped out and said that i agreed she could do it, and that i stole an experience from her. i told her i would have let her do it if she was here or it was a reasonable time in korea, but that a phone call when she’s half asleep seemed like a bad idea. she hung up and said we’d talk about it when she gets back. aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i have twins, a son and a daughter. my wife said that she wanted to do the period talk with my daughter, and i happily said okay at the time(around when they were born). the issue is that today my daughter got her period, and it was around 3am in korea. i figured i shouldn’t call and wake her, and that the talk over the phone would be difficult. so i sat her down and explained what she should do and got her one of my wife’s pads. she seemed okay, and so about an hour ago my wife called like she has for the past few days when she woke up. i told her what happened and she flipped out and said that i agreed she could do it, and that i stole an experience from her. i told her i would have let her do it if she was here or it was a reasonable time in korea, but that a phone call when she’s half asleep seemed like a bad idea. she hung up and said we’d talk about it when she gets back. aita here? [/INST] nta. but the talk should have been had *before* she has her first period. i can't believe you left it this late – that was definitely irresponsible of you both; and your wife has only herself to blame for not doing it on time. also, you should educate your son about periods too, so that he understands what his sister, friends and possible girlfriends go through, and knows that it's nothing embarrassing, weird or gross. </s>
|
AITA for eating what I want to eat instead of conforming to my family
|
i am 18 years old and in college, but i do still live at my dads house as it saves me money and i’m still around my family. sometimes my classes run super late and i’m getting home at extremely late hours (around 9-10) and often i decide to just grab some fast food because i couldn’t be dammed to cook anything that late
normally it wouldn’t be a big deal, but recently my stepbrother, who is extremely overweight (5’1 and 160 lbs and in 6th grade) just started a very strict diet and his mom has him eating meal preps consisting of things that definitely don’t come through a window.
one night i come home with two taco bell burritos (i’m 6’6 and 225 lbs, i get hungry pretty fast) and i go to sit down at the table to eat them while aforementioned stepbrother is finishing up some homework. as i start eating and helping him out with his last few homework questions, his mom walks downstairs and asks why i’m “taunting” her kid by eating food that he can’t eat. i look at her confused and ask what she’s talking about, and yells at me that i’m intentionally bullying her kid by eating junk food in front of him. i tell her that i can eat what i want as i’m not on a diet, and she gets upset with me and tells me to stop bullying him
sorry for the bad grammar and formatting
tldr: stepmom upset that i’m eating junk food in-front of dieting child and that i’m “taunting” him, tell her i can eat what i want and she yells at me for being disrespectful
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d2dvus/aita_for_eating_what_i_want_to_eat_instead_of/
|
2019-09-10 20:28:15
|
nta. it’s not your fault her kid is overweight and has to go on a strict diet at such a young age. however, out of courtesy, maybe try eating junk/fast food somewhere private or maybe when he’s not in the room. at least for now. it really does take a village sometimes.
|
nta i'm overweight and unless the entire planet is going to get on my diet plan i'm going to confronted with unhealthy food. learning to control myself and make heathy choices every day is part of the process. definitely don't rub it in and definitely be supportive.
|
nta. you can eat what you want and if you want to complete a diet then you must beat your ‘demons’ and temptation. and if you fail early then you have failed completely. as long as you aren’t waving it around his face and taking large bites while staring at him with a mocking look then i think you are nta.
|
nta. if he's going to succeed with any diet or healthy lifestyle he needs to learn how to resist temptation regardless. staying out of sight of anything tempting is not the way to help him. teaching him discipline is key. you've done nothing wrong, she's just babying him. and for what it's worth, it sounds like he didn't even have an issue with it, just her.
|
esh.
the kid's in 6th grade--his eating habits are the only ones he knows about, and he's in no position to suddenly start exercising self control overnight. he won't be able to until his new diet becomes a habit.
in the meantime, it's entirely counterproductive for you to openly eat that kind of thing next to him when he can't have it.
with that said, his mom sucks too--she could ask you to not do so like a normal person instead of going full petunia dursley and demanding that everyone bow down before her child's new diet.
|
esh. you can eat what you want, but he’s just a little kid. eat at the taco bell or in your car, maybe.
|
nta, i don’t know the situation but i think your stepmom sounds like a piece of work and probably embarrassed your little brother by getting at mad at you.
you’re well within your rights but would it really impact you that much to support your brother? i mean, it’s certainly not as crucial as your stepmom is making it out to be. you can still do little things for that little guy to show your support like you could have eaten at taco bell. but also, restricting food to the point that he can’t even be around people eating junk food is super unhealthy and could lead to issues with food in the future. he’s gotta learn those healthy habits, not just lose weight.
|
nta.
stepmonster is an idiot.
|
nta
part of a diet is learning self control. if you just set about eating and there was no teasing you're good
|
nta and boy is that yo yo diet gonna fuck his shit up in future.
if he finds it difficult then maybe try to be mindful of it but also, food is food. she can chill. this is like when dudley dursley got out on a diet and harry had to eat stale cake or whatever.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.054 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am 18 years old and in college, but i do still live at my dads house as it saves me money and i’m still around my family. sometimes my classes run super late and i’m getting home at extremely late hours (around 9-10) and often i decide to just grab some fast food because i couldn’t be dammed to cook anything that late normally it wouldn’t be a big deal, but recently my stepbrother, who is extremely overweight (5’1 and 160 lbs and in 6th grade) just started a very strict diet and his mom has him eating meal preps consisting of things that definitely don’t come through a window. one night i come home with two taco bell burritos (i’m 6’6 and 225 lbs, i get hungry pretty fast) and i go to sit down at the table to eat them while aforementioned stepbrother is finishing up some homework. as i start eating and helping him out with his last few homework questions, his mom walks downstairs and asks why i’m “taunting” her kid by eating food that he can’t eat. i look at her confused and ask what she’s talking about, and yells at me that i’m intentionally bullying her kid by eating junk food in front of him. i tell her that i can eat what i want as i’m not on a diet, and she gets upset with me and tells me to stop bullying him sorry for the bad grammar and formatting tldr: stepmom upset that i’m eating junk food in-front of dieting child and that i’m “taunting” him, tell her i can eat what i want and she yells at me for being disrespectful
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am 18 years old and in college, but i do still live at my dads house as it saves me money and i’m still around my family. sometimes my classes run super late and i’m getting home at extremely late hours (around 9-10) and often i decide to just grab some fast food because i couldn’t be dammed to cook anything that late normally it wouldn’t be a big deal, but recently my stepbrother, who is extremely overweight (5’1 and 160 lbs and in 6th grade) just started a very strict diet and his mom has him eating meal preps consisting of things that definitely don’t come through a window. one night i come home with two taco bell burritos (i’m 6’6 and 225 lbs, i get hungry pretty fast) and i go to sit down at the table to eat them while aforementioned stepbrother is finishing up some homework. as i start eating and helping him out with his last few homework questions, his mom walks downstairs and asks why i’m “taunting” her kid by eating food that he can’t eat. i look at her confused and ask what she’s talking about, and yells at me that i’m intentionally bullying her kid by eating junk food in front of him. i tell her that i can eat what i want as i’m not on a diet, and she gets upset with me and tells me to stop bullying him sorry for the bad grammar and formatting tldr: stepmom upset that i’m eating junk food in-front of dieting child and that i’m “taunting” him, tell her i can eat what i want and she yells at me for being disrespectful [/INST] nta. it’s not your fault her kid is overweight and has to go on a strict diet at such a young age. however, out of courtesy, maybe try eating junk/fast food somewhere private or maybe when he’s not in the room. at least for now. it really does take a village sometimes. </s>
|
AITA for saying that having a period really isn't necessarily all that bad?
|
i (24f) was at a socially distanced family reunion with my cousin (35f) and her daughter (12f) the other day. i'll call my cousin annie and her daughter margot.
so margot is at the age where she's just starting puberty and with that, her parents gave her "the talk" about reproductive systems, sex, relationships, and most relevant to this post, menstruating. we're pretty close and she has asked me for advice on boys, school, etc. before so she's comfortable sharing a lot with me and i try to help her as best i can. to note, margot told me that she hasn't had her first period yet, but a lot of girls start around that age.
anyway, margot came up to me and quietly told me she was dreading getting her period soon. i asked her why, and she said that she's terrified of all the stuff her mom told her and that she doesn't want to be a woman if she has to have a period. i asked her what she was talking about. apparently annie told margot that margot will be in incredible pain for every one of her periods for the rest of her life and won't be able to do anything about it, that she'll be out of control of her emotions with mood swings, that she'll ruin all her clothes and bedsheets from bleeding, that she'll have terrible headaches all the time, etc., but that's "just the price you pay" to be a "real woman." margot looked like she was on the verge of tears.
i know that all of these things do happen to a great number of women, but that is not how periods are supposed to be for the rest of your life and honestly, those things may not even happen to margot if she is lucky. i personally have never really had any cramps or problems from having a period at all and i told her as much - sure, periods can suck sometimes, but they're not going to ruin your life and you shouldn't expect to suffer just to be a "real woman," whatever that means. i also told her that if she is in terrible pain when her periods start, there's probably something wrong and she should go see a doctor. she perked up significantly after that, and the rest of the night went by uneventfully.
well, today i got a call from annie and she is pissed that i told margot that periods aren't necessarily all that bad (i guess margot mentioned it to annie later). she accused me of lying about my own experience with menstruating (which is crazy, because why would i possibly do that?) and told me that she's just telling margot "the facts." she told me not to interfere with her parenting ever again and that it was inappropriate of me to even talk about periods with margot in the first place.
i strongly disagree - margot asked me for advice as a close family member and older woman who has already gone through the things she's about to go through. i also think that acting like any discussions around periods are taboo will only reinforce the shame over her reproductive system that margot already seems to have picked up from her mother. but i'm not sure if others see it that way. aita?
| 3,804 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hveqni/aita_for_saying_that_having_a_period_really_isnt/
|
2020-07-21 20:06:56
|
nta. if your cousin is going through unbelievable pain each month, she should really get checked out before scaring the next generation.
|
nta. i'm about your cousin's age, and the number of women my age i know who had "terrible periods" when they were younger that they were taught just to suffer through wound up ignoring what were actually symptoms of serious conditions like endometriosis, cysts, or uterine fibroids. thinking excruciating pain was part of being a woman cost one of my friends an ovary when she was in her forties. if your niece is primed to think it's normal to be in absolute agony once a month she won't seek medical care. what your aunt is teaching her is dangerous.
|
nta. from your title i was all set to go a different way. periods can be brutal for some women and nothing for others. even for the same woman, some are worse than others.
|
nta your cousin is not telling her daughter the facts. i have periods, and lots of my friends have periods. do you want to know which friends have debilitating periods? the ones with endometriosis and other complications that require medical diagnosis and care. sure, periods suck. i'm childfree so if i could sell my ovaries for 10 cents, i would just to get rid of periods. but i can still easily function on my periods. if margo only gets the information your cousin is trying to give her, then if she has periods that she should talk to a doctor about she won't, but if she has completely normal periods she might freak out that something's wrong with her.
|
nta - annie sounds like a very strange person. what could possibly be the rationale for telling your pubescent daughter that she's going to experience nightmare periods once a month for the next 40 years?
|
nta. i do think maybe you've given her a little too much hope, as most people do experience cramps and the like, but sounds like mom went way overkill.
|
nah- you’re not wrong for giving a differing account and reassuring her that not all people have issues like her mom.
but her mom may not know that her experience is anything other than normal. i realize this is odd to consider but i have endometriosis and i was in my 20’s before i learned that it’s not debilitating for every woman because my mother never took me seriously.
also, depending on how margot relayed the message it may have come across as you minimizing her issues or even implying she’s a liar or indulging w the truth.
|
nta. why does her mother want her living in fear? it was good to give the girl some peace of mind (piece of mind?) and take some of her worries away.
|
nta. hopefully you've planted some seeds of thought so when your second cousin (first cousin once removed? i'm bad at this stuff . . . ) gets old enough she will think to talk to a doctor and avoid as much pain as she can.
(curious to know if this is a religious thing and that's why your first cousin is upset? i know that can be a thing but it's really foreign to me as a concept.)
|
nta. you did a good thing. this is why i hate the term “real women.” i have wondered if i’m not a real woman bc like you, my periods aren’t all that bad- i don’t get debilitating cramps or back pain, etc, and people treat it like it’s this universal experience when it’s not. and if you are in that much pain with your period it may be endometriosis or something like that which is not normal, and i think it’s really important for your younger relative to know that.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (24f) was at a socially distanced family reunion with my cousin (35f) and her daughter (12f) the other day. i'll call my cousin annie and her daughter margot. so margot is at the age where she's just starting puberty and with that, her parents gave her "the talk" about reproductive systems, sex, relationships, and most relevant to this post, menstruating. we're pretty close and she has asked me for advice on boys, school, etc. before so she's comfortable sharing a lot with me and i try to help her as best i can. to note, margot told me that she hasn't had her first period yet, but a lot of girls start around that age. anyway, margot came up to me and quietly told me she was dreading getting her period soon. i asked her why, and she said that she's terrified of all the stuff her mom told her and that she doesn't want to be a woman if she has to have a period. i asked her what she was talking about. apparently annie told margot that margot will be in incredible pain for every one of her periods for the rest of her life and won't be able to do anything about it, that she'll be out of control of her emotions with mood swings, that she'll ruin all her clothes and bedsheets from bleeding, that she'll have terrible headaches all the time, etc., but that's "just the price you pay" to be a "real woman." margot looked like she was on the verge of tears. i know that all of these things do happen to a great number of women, but that is not how periods are supposed to be for the rest of your life and honestly, those things may not even happen to margot if she is lucky. i personally have never really had any cramps or problems from having a period at all and i told her as much - sure, periods can suck sometimes, but they're not going to ruin your life and you shouldn't expect to suffer just to be a "real woman," whatever that means. i also told her that if she is in terrible pain when her periods start, there's probably something wrong and she should go see a doctor. she perked up significantly after that, and the rest of the night went by uneventfully. well, today i got a call from annie and she is pissed that i told margot that periods aren't necessarily all that bad (i guess margot mentioned it to annie later). she accused me of lying about my own experience with menstruating (which is crazy, because why would i possibly do that?) and told me that she's just telling margot "the facts." she told me not to interfere with her parenting ever again and that it was inappropriate of me to even talk about periods with margot in the first place. i strongly disagree - margot asked me for advice as a close family member and older woman who has already gone through the things she's about to go through. i also think that acting like any discussions around periods are taboo will only reinforce the shame over her reproductive system that margot already seems to have picked up from her mother. but i'm not sure if others see it that way. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (24f) was at a socially distanced family reunion with my cousin (35f) and her daughter (12f) the other day. i'll call my cousin annie and her daughter margot. so margot is at the age where she's just starting puberty and with that, her parents gave her "the talk" about reproductive systems, sex, relationships, and most relevant to this post, menstruating. we're pretty close and she has asked me for advice on boys, school, etc. before so she's comfortable sharing a lot with me and i try to help her as best i can. to note, margot told me that she hasn't had her first period yet, but a lot of girls start around that age. anyway, margot came up to me and quietly told me she was dreading getting her period soon. i asked her why, and she said that she's terrified of all the stuff her mom told her and that she doesn't want to be a woman if she has to have a period. i asked her what she was talking about. apparently annie told margot that margot will be in incredible pain for every one of her periods for the rest of her life and won't be able to do anything about it, that she'll be out of control of her emotions with mood swings, that she'll ruin all her clothes and bedsheets from bleeding, that she'll have terrible headaches all the time, etc., but that's "just the price you pay" to be a "real woman." margot looked like she was on the verge of tears. i know that all of these things do happen to a great number of women, but that is not how periods are supposed to be for the rest of your life and honestly, those things may not even happen to margot if she is lucky. i personally have never really had any cramps or problems from having a period at all and i told her as much - sure, periods can suck sometimes, but they're not going to ruin your life and you shouldn't expect to suffer just to be a "real woman," whatever that means. i also told her that if she is in terrible pain when her periods start, there's probably something wrong and she should go see a doctor. she perked up significantly after that, and the rest of the night went by uneventfully. well, today i got a call from annie and she is pissed that i told margot that periods aren't necessarily all that bad (i guess margot mentioned it to annie later). she accused me of lying about my own experience with menstruating (which is crazy, because why would i possibly do that?) and told me that she's just telling margot "the facts." she told me not to interfere with her parenting ever again and that it was inappropriate of me to even talk about periods with margot in the first place. i strongly disagree - margot asked me for advice as a close family member and older woman who has already gone through the things she's about to go through. i also think that acting like any discussions around periods are taboo will only reinforce the shame over her reproductive system that margot already seems to have picked up from her mother. but i'm not sure if others see it that way. aita? [/INST] nta. if your cousin is going through unbelievable pain each month, she should really get checked out before scaring the next generation. </s>
|
AITA for wanting to go out with my friends even though Im a married mom?
|
i (f 34) have been married to hubby (m 38) for 15 years. we have 4 kids, ages 7-17. we used to go out to the bar regularly when we were younger. for the past ten years hubby has not wanted to go out socially and feels that its not appropriate for a married woman to go out with out her husband. background- neither of have any issues with alcoholism. i don't expect to go out with friends every week or even once a month. i would just like to do something fun once in a while. he does take me on a dinner date once a week and wants to spend as much time with me, one on one or in a family setting, as he can.
his reasoning is that its not fair for him to sit home and be alone and that its not normal for a married woman to do these types of things. i am responsible and bring in 80% or more of the family income. if i did put my foot down and go, despite his protests, he might track me down and make me come home or cause a scene or keep me up all night discussing it when i get home.
he is not physically abusive but has a lot of control over me and can be very insistent that he's normal and he's just trying to protect me from people and situations that arent good for me. he also doesnt trust people and can be clingy to me.
i dont come from a normal family and i honestly dont know sometimes whether he is right. he can be very convincing and we've been together since i was 16 so i have nothing to compare it to.
i just want to get some input from other people about what is normal in a marriage regarding socializing without the spouse. aita for thinking its ok to go without him?
eta i clarified a bit more down thread. prob should have put it here but this is my first post in reddit. my bad.
| 208 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b6z7ft/aita_for_wanting_to_go_out_with_my_friends_even/
|
2019-03-29 16:13:18
|
nta!
>he might track me down and make me come home or cause a scene or keep me up all night discussing it when i get home
this would be emotional abuse.
op, lots of married women have friends and maintain social relationships outside of their marriage. it's normal and healthy to keep friendships up. now that your kids are older you finally have a little more free time to enjoy your friendships - how exciting!
i'm very concerned for you. it sounds as if you come from an abusive history and may have normalized being controlled. it sounds as if you are being emotionally abused. you may want to consider talking to a counselor and maybe check out /r/raisedbynarcissists
|
nta.
him telling you that it’s inappropriate for a married woman to be out without her husband is backwards. you’re not property.
him keeping you up all night because of whatever damage he has about his feelings about you being social is manipulative as fuck.
tell him to go get a hobby. he probably (judging from your account of his views on women) feels emasculated by you earning more than him while also maintaining a social life.
he should get his own friends and hobbies and do stuff too and fuck off with his nonsense.
|
> for the past ten years hubby has not wanted to go out socially and feels that its not appropriate for a married woman to go out with out her husband.
red flag #1
> his reasoning is that its not fair for him to sit home and be alone and that its not normal for a married woman to do these types of things.
red flag #2
> he might track me down and make me come home or cause a scene or keep me up all night discussing it when i get home. he is not physically abusive but has a lot of control over me and can be very insistent that he's normal and he's just trying to protect me from people and situations that arent good for me. he also doesnt trust people and can be clingy to me
holy shit crimson flags all over this.
> he can be very convincing and we've been together since i was 16 so i have nothing to compare it to.
from your post, and without the context of the rest of your relationship, he sounds super manipulative and controlling. definitely nta, you should maybe step back and try to see things from a fresh perspective. do you have friends you can discuss your relationship with? because this doesn't sound normal.
&#x200b;
&#x200b;
|
nta
my wife and i have been married for 40+ years.
it is very normal to go out with people of your own gender without your spouse. my experience is that women love going out with other women.
my wife has been going out once a week since our kids were 5. my wife once a week with her friends for "ladies night out" or to play games (pokeno, bridge, etc.) she also usually has a luncheon once week with some of her friends. she usually leaves around 6:30pm and comes home around 10:30pm. no big deal
i know the women and their husbands. i've never heard of any husband complaining much.
i'm sure there are neighborhood women-only groups in your area.
your husband is not acting normal.
|
i have tried to talk to him and i don't think he would physically stop me from going but i know that it would be more stress than it is worth to deal with him once i got home. i love him. i've never cheated. i just want to get out and be with other people once in awhile.
i have been standing up for myself more and went shopping with a friend for the first time, even though he wasn't happy about it. i just want to be treated like an adult. he has abandonment and control issues and i've asked him to take meds for his bipolar but he didnt like the way they made him feel. i am trying to slowly work up to this and things have gotten a lot better since i told him i cant live this way a month or two ago. he's beem nicer than he ever has before but i havent really done anything to make him upset. there are still lots of freedoms i feel like i need but i dont want to ruin the peace in our marriage if i push any further.
|
nta. your husband sounds controlling and suspicious. you’re allowed to have a life outside of the family life. you’re allowed to see your friends. you’re a wife and a mom, but you’re also a 34y/o woman with friends and a right to independence.
|
nta
jesus christ. his behaviour is not normal or rational at all. of course you should be able to go out with your friends, even as a married woman.
>if i did put my foot down and go, despite his protests, he might track me down and make me come home or cause a scene or keep me up all night discussing it when i get home.
he might not be physically abusive, but this shit is very controlling!
|
the way you describe your husband makes him sound abusive even if it isn't physical, and the fact you specify that tells me you know that. i think you should really not be in a relationship like that.
|
nta - it's inappropriate for a man to decide what another adult does or doesn't. it's inappropriate for him to not trust you, it's inappropriate for him to not be grown up enough to survive a few hours without you. even if he was your father, it is inappropriate to tell a grown woman she can't have fun with her friends. it is inappropriate for him to decide you only get to have fun when he is around.
|
nta. also, red flags! red flags! red flags! you're concerned he might physically track you down and make a scene? make you do things you don't want to do? he determines what's good for you want what isn't?
none of this is ok, and none of this is normal. it sounds to me like he is, at a bare minimum, psychologically and emotionally abusive. i know it's currently frowned upon to encourage ops to leave relationships, but good lord, sister, please take care of yourself. this is a fucked up marriage, for sure.
&#x200b;
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f 34) have been married to hubby (m 38) for 15 years. we have 4 kids, ages 7-17. we used to go out to the bar regularly when we were younger. for the past ten years hubby has not wanted to go out socially and feels that its not appropriate for a married woman to go out with out her husband. background- neither of have any issues with alcoholism. i don't expect to go out with friends every week or even once a month. i would just like to do something fun once in a while. he does take me on a dinner date once a week and wants to spend as much time with me, one on one or in a family setting, as he can. his reasoning is that its not fair for him to sit home and be alone and that its not normal for a married woman to do these types of things. i am responsible and bring in 80% or more of the family income. if i did put my foot down and go, despite his protests, he might track me down and make me come home or cause a scene or keep me up all night discussing it when i get home. he is not physically abusive but has a lot of control over me and can be very insistent that he's normal and he's just trying to protect me from people and situations that arent good for me. he also doesnt trust people and can be clingy to me. i dont come from a normal family and i honestly dont know sometimes whether he is right. he can be very convincing and we've been together since i was 16 so i have nothing to compare it to. i just want to get some input from other people about what is normal in a marriage regarding socializing without the spouse. aita for thinking its ok to go without him? eta i clarified a bit more down thread. prob should have put it here but this is my first post in reddit. my bad.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (f 34) have been married to hubby (m 38) for 15 years. we have 4 kids, ages 7-17. we used to go out to the bar regularly when we were younger. for the past ten years hubby has not wanted to go out socially and feels that its not appropriate for a married woman to go out with out her husband. background- neither of have any issues with alcoholism. i don't expect to go out with friends every week or even once a month. i would just like to do something fun once in a while. he does take me on a dinner date once a week and wants to spend as much time with me, one on one or in a family setting, as he can. his reasoning is that its not fair for him to sit home and be alone and that its not normal for a married woman to do these types of things. i am responsible and bring in 80% or more of the family income. if i did put my foot down and go, despite his protests, he might track me down and make me come home or cause a scene or keep me up all night discussing it when i get home. he is not physically abusive but has a lot of control over me and can be very insistent that he's normal and he's just trying to protect me from people and situations that arent good for me. he also doesnt trust people and can be clingy to me. i dont come from a normal family and i honestly dont know sometimes whether he is right. he can be very convincing and we've been together since i was 16 so i have nothing to compare it to. i just want to get some input from other people about what is normal in a marriage regarding socializing without the spouse. aita for thinking its ok to go without him? eta i clarified a bit more down thread. prob should have put it here but this is my first post in reddit. my bad. [/INST] nta! >he might track me down and make me come home or cause a scene or keep me up all night discussing it when i get home this would be emotional abuse. op, lots of married women have friends and maintain social relationships outside of their marriage. it's normal and healthy to keep friendships up. now that your kids are older you finally have a little more free time to enjoy your friendships - how exciting! i'm very concerned for you. it sounds as if you come from an abusive history and may have normalized being controlled. it sounds as if you are being emotionally abused. you may want to consider talking to a counselor and maybe check out /r/raisedbynarcissists </s>
|
AITA for refusing to help out a pregnant coworker?
|
i know the title might sound bad but please hear me out. also on mobile so apologies for any formatting issues.
so a bit of background is that i work in childcare and am currently in the 1-2 year old room. as you can imagine there are a lot of nappies (diapers) that need to be changed every day. we have 10 kids a day and will change them at least every 3 hours, more if they’re soiled or extra wet. i work in this room with my lovely coworker bethany who is a few years older than me. now onto the issue at hand.
beth is currently 6 months pregnant and isn’t planning on going on her maternity leave for another 2 months if all goes well. this wouldn’t be a problem aside from the fact that with her pregnancy she has had a lot of problems picking up the children, bending down to do jobs, and the main issue at hand, changing nappies. she struggles with lifting the children up to the changing mat and will become nauseous when changing them. it’s gotten to the point where she has asked our supervisor if she could be exempt from nappies for the next two months. their “solution” was for me to cover her nappy shifts until she goes on maternity leave and the cover arrives. what this means is i am expected to do all the nappies (upwards of 30 a day) along with all of my other duties while she gets to do the more “fun jobs” such as planning and participating in activities with the children, as we do nappies and activities at the same time (always taking turns between the days).
when i heard that this was the plan i was really upset and voiced my displeasure to my supervisor who asked me to just put up with it to help beth until she goes on maternity leave and we can hire someone else. i told my boss that i would not accept this and would put in my notice if they expected me to do extra work for the same pay and that considering the worker shortage i would have no problem finding a new job. because of this my superior basically told beth to suck it up and now she’s really upset with me and saying i should’ve just taken one for the team.
so aita for refusing to do extra work for my pregnant coworker?
edit/update thing: i just wanted to say really quickly that while i really appreciate all the people defending me, the ones attacking beth are not right. she’s a lovely lovely person. i spoke to her about it today and we agreed that neither solution is fair on us and we’re going to talk to our boss again as a united front. we’re going to tell our boss that either we get additional help (which tbh we need outside of this issue) or beth gets switched to an older room with toilet trained children or we will be going to talk to the franchise director (technically my bosses boss but she’s not in the centre which makes her harder to get in contact with). if none of that works beth is going to start her leave earlier and i’m going to start looking for another job. i really appreciate all of your responses
| 6,682 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/srg0xn/aita_for_refusing_to_help_out_a_pregnant_coworker/
|
2022-02-13 10:45:56
|
nta. i feel for beth, but that's not fair to you. they could have at least offered to bump your pay while you're covering for her.
|
boss is the asshole.
they need to hire new help now, and tell beth to go on leave because she cannot perform her job. or at least pay for part time help to pick up some of the slack. it isn’t like this is an impossible situation. when you have more work than there are workers, you hire someone else.
|
nta. you were right to request extra pay and why weren't you given it?
|
boss is the ah - surely the obvious solution is to move the pregnant coworker to a different group or to give the pregnant coworker some of your non-smelly or non-heavy lifting duties?
|
[removed]
|
she’s still allowed to do that job?! in germany, pregnant women in childcare are send into paid maternity leave immediately because the risks for the pregnancy are too great with carrying weight, stress and sicknesses. this situation isn’t on any worker here!
so, you’re nta but your boss/ company certainly is. obviously, she can’t do it anymore and it’s not fair to just pile it on you!
|
nta. your employer is for not trying to find other solutions. most daycares include older, potty trained kids, could she swap with one of those employees temporarily or switch to the infants who are much easier to lift? i don’t think it’s reasonable for her to be excused from anything nausea-inducing, but an accommodation should be made for the heavy lifting that doesn’t involve you changing diapers literally all day
|
nah beth has the right to ask for an accommodation and probably should do so through official channels, you have the right to say no or ask for your own changes in pay if you want to, they have the right (generally) to fire you if they want, and to have asked you to do he extra work.
i’m not sure where you work, you said nappies which sounds like the uk, which i’m less familiar with, but if beth can’t perform the essential duties of her job then medically and legally she may have really just had to take leave early.
|
nta - whilst it’s unfortunate beth is starting to struggle if she can’t perform her work duties you and others shouldn’t have to suffer and pick up the extra work
this is poor management from your boss who should have worked out a strategy to please everyone
|
i just left the preschool i worked at last friday, i was in the threes room. we had a really similar situation but instead of pregnancy it was an injury. that teacher got switched into an older classroom so she wasn’t lifting the students and they put a different teacher in that classroom until the first teacher had healed. i’m not sure how your school is run or how old the kiddos are but maybe see if that’s a better option for her. if not, she needs to suck it up because diaper changes suck and you shouldn’t be doing all of them, i know i’d be pissed. hope the situation gets resolved soon!
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
| null | 0.001294 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i know the title might sound bad but please hear me out. also on mobile so apologies for any formatting issues. so a bit of background is that i work in childcare and am currently in the 1-2 year old room. as you can imagine there are a lot of nappies (diapers) that need to be changed every day. we have 10 kids a day and will change them at least every 3 hours, more if they’re soiled or extra wet. i work in this room with my lovely coworker bethany who is a few years older than me. now onto the issue at hand. beth is currently 6 months pregnant and isn’t planning on going on her maternity leave for another 2 months if all goes well. this wouldn’t be a problem aside from the fact that with her pregnancy she has had a lot of problems picking up the children, bending down to do jobs, and the main issue at hand, changing nappies. she struggles with lifting the children up to the changing mat and will become nauseous when changing them. it’s gotten to the point where she has asked our supervisor if she could be exempt from nappies for the next two months. their “solution” was for me to cover her nappy shifts until she goes on maternity leave and the cover arrives. what this means is i am expected to do all the nappies (upwards of 30 a day) along with all of my other duties while she gets to do the more “fun jobs” such as planning and participating in activities with the children, as we do nappies and activities at the same time (always taking turns between the days). when i heard that this was the plan i was really upset and voiced my displeasure to my supervisor who asked me to just put up with it to help beth until she goes on maternity leave and we can hire someone else. i told my boss that i would not accept this and would put in my notice if they expected me to do extra work for the same pay and that considering the worker shortage i would have no problem finding a new job. because of this my superior basically told beth to suck it up and now she’s really upset with me and saying i should’ve just taken one for the team. so aita for refusing to do extra work for my pregnant coworker? edit/update thing: i just wanted to say really quickly that while i really appreciate all the people defending me, the ones attacking beth are not right. she’s a lovely lovely person. i spoke to her about it today and we agreed that neither solution is fair on us and we’re going to talk to our boss again as a united front. we’re going to tell our boss that either we get additional help (which tbh we need outside of this issue) or beth gets switched to an older room with toilet trained children or we will be going to talk to the franchise director (technically my bosses boss but she’s not in the centre which makes her harder to get in contact with). if none of that works beth is going to start her leave earlier and i’m going to start looking for another job. i really appreciate all of your responses
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i know the title might sound bad but please hear me out. also on mobile so apologies for any formatting issues. so a bit of background is that i work in childcare and am currently in the 1-2 year old room. as you can imagine there are a lot of nappies (diapers) that need to be changed every day. we have 10 kids a day and will change them at least every 3 hours, more if they’re soiled or extra wet. i work in this room with my lovely coworker bethany who is a few years older than me. now onto the issue at hand. beth is currently 6 months pregnant and isn’t planning on going on her maternity leave for another 2 months if all goes well. this wouldn’t be a problem aside from the fact that with her pregnancy she has had a lot of problems picking up the children, bending down to do jobs, and the main issue at hand, changing nappies. she struggles with lifting the children up to the changing mat and will become nauseous when changing them. it’s gotten to the point where she has asked our supervisor if she could be exempt from nappies for the next two months. their “solution” was for me to cover her nappy shifts until she goes on maternity leave and the cover arrives. what this means is i am expected to do all the nappies (upwards of 30 a day) along with all of my other duties while she gets to do the more “fun jobs” such as planning and participating in activities with the children, as we do nappies and activities at the same time (always taking turns between the days). when i heard that this was the plan i was really upset and voiced my displeasure to my supervisor who asked me to just put up with it to help beth until she goes on maternity leave and we can hire someone else. i told my boss that i would not accept this and would put in my notice if they expected me to do extra work for the same pay and that considering the worker shortage i would have no problem finding a new job. because of this my superior basically told beth to suck it up and now she’s really upset with me and saying i should’ve just taken one for the team. so aita for refusing to do extra work for my pregnant coworker? edit/update thing: i just wanted to say really quickly that while i really appreciate all the people defending me, the ones attacking beth are not right. she’s a lovely lovely person. i spoke to her about it today and we agreed that neither solution is fair on us and we’re going to talk to our boss again as a united front. we’re going to tell our boss that either we get additional help (which tbh we need outside of this issue) or beth gets switched to an older room with toilet trained children or we will be going to talk to the franchise director (technically my bosses boss but she’s not in the centre which makes her harder to get in contact with). if none of that works beth is going to start her leave earlier and i’m going to start looking for another job. i really appreciate all of your responses [/INST] nta. i feel for beth, but that's not fair to you. they could have at least offered to bump your pay while you're covering for her. </s>
|
AITA for throwing a mini party for my ex causing him to miss the surprise party his girlfriend had planned?
|
for my ex’s birthday, our son asked me if we could make him a cake and buy balloons. i agreed because i let him do it for everyone else’s birthdays and i didn’t want him to think i was saying no because i didn’t like my ex.
when my ex came to pick our son up, he gave his dad the cake, present and balloons. i thought my ex would just take him wherever they were going, but they decided to have a mini party in my house. it started because my son insisted his dad open his present there and then told him he wanted to eat the cake. then all of my son’s toys needed to say happy birthday to his dad which led to them playing.
i noticed it was getting closer to the time of the party so i tried to get my ex to leave but my son insisted we make this specific dinner that my son eats on his birthday for him. usually, my ex doesn’t want to be around me any more than i want to be around him but he was acting weird and agreed with our son that he really wanted to eat that for his birthday. he also asked me in front of our son if i was trying to get rid of him on his birthday. i didn’t want to outright say yes so i suggested he go see his girlfriend.
i ended up making the dinner and he stayed here until our son went to bed. his phone kept ringing but he was ignoring it and then his girlfriend text me to ask me if he was with me. i explained the situation to her and she blamed me and thinks i intentionally threw him a mini party so that he would miss her surprise party as she had already mentioned it to me.
aita?
| 1,868 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/upe41i/aita_for_throwing_a_mini_party_for_my_ex_causing/
|
2022-05-14 10:04:51
|
nta
he chose to stay. and i actually have respect for him to stay because his son asked him to. which means that he puts him first.
it's his gf, so it's your ex problem to deal with it. you can explain the truth but of course, people will still think otherwise.
|
nta. it was his birthday, and he wanted to spend it with his son.
you didn't threw a party, your ex wanted to stay, even you telling him
>he also asked me in front of our son if i was trying to get rid of him on his birthday. i didn’t want to outright say yes so i suggested he go see his girlfriend
you gently told him to go. i don't get people here saying you should have done this or that to make him go to the party. he clearly wanted to be with the son, even if girlfriend was calling. it's not up to you to make him anything.
|
i’ve read your post a few times and despite some misgivings about whether you’re a reliable narrator i think nta because:
1) you suggested your exhusband go;
2) you suggested your exhusband call his girlfriend; and
3) your exhusband chose to repeatedly ignore his girlfriend when she called him.
it honestly seems like your ex-husband is ghosting the girlfriend or avoiding the (not so?) surprise party. either way, that’s not on you- especially as you did what you could.
|
\>usually, my ex doesn’t want to be around me any more than i want to be around him but he was acting weird and agreed with our son that he really wanted to eat that for his birthday.
am i the only one who read this and then got the vibe he knew something was up and was using this as an opportunity to miss the party/avoid his girlfriend?
\>his phone kept ringing but he was ignoring it
it's amazing that he gives his son undivided attention but if your phone is going off and it's your girlfriend you at least answer or send a quick text. he was ignoring her on purpose for a reason and i don't think that reason was just that he was spending time with his son. he was supposed to take the son so it wasn't like he had to be in ex's house ignoring his girlfriend.
i think something else that has nothing to do with op is going on here.
op didn't do anything wrong. she tried to get him to leave without ruining the surprise. nta.
|
he came to pick up his son then somehow stayed until his son went to bed... what?
|
nta. he chose to stay. he chose to ignore his gf. seems like he really didn’t want to go to the party. you’re not in control of his actions and it sounds like you didn’t plan this little party. your son wanted to celebrate his dad and it sounds like his dad was more than happy to stay and celebrate with his kid.
|
nta
&#x200b;
your ex did not answer the phone when his gf called on his birthday. he chose to spend his birthday with his son, and not with her and his son. he did this on purpose, it eas no accident. this is a clear indication of the state of their relationship.
&#x200b;
none of this has anything to do with you.
|
not really, but i would have told me, or hinted strongly, that there was something going on he didn’t want to miss.
|
nta.
she knows about how your son approached the situation and what he wanted, yes? even though she had planned the surprise party (which can be a lot of work), she should have realized that the son was a higher priority.
tell your ex about what his girlfriend is accusing you of. if she knew of the dynamics and still was upset, your ex should know about this, and should be given the opportunity to see this as the red flag that it is.
|
honestly i think esh.
it would have been better to just tell him there was a surprise waiting for him at home than have him miss the party.
he’s also an asshole for deliberately ignoring his phone and making you spend time with him. him asking if you’re kicking him out was a manipulation tactic and you fell for it.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
ESH
| 0.01744 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for my ex’s birthday, our son asked me if we could make him a cake and buy balloons. i agreed because i let him do it for everyone else’s birthdays and i didn’t want him to think i was saying no because i didn’t like my ex. when my ex came to pick our son up, he gave his dad the cake, present and balloons. i thought my ex would just take him wherever they were going, but they decided to have a mini party in my house. it started because my son insisted his dad open his present there and then told him he wanted to eat the cake. then all of my son’s toys needed to say happy birthday to his dad which led to them playing. i noticed it was getting closer to the time of the party so i tried to get my ex to leave but my son insisted we make this specific dinner that my son eats on his birthday for him. usually, my ex doesn’t want to be around me any more than i want to be around him but he was acting weird and agreed with our son that he really wanted to eat that for his birthday. he also asked me in front of our son if i was trying to get rid of him on his birthday. i didn’t want to outright say yes so i suggested he go see his girlfriend. i ended up making the dinner and he stayed here until our son went to bed. his phone kept ringing but he was ignoring it and then his girlfriend text me to ask me if he was with me. i explained the situation to her and she blamed me and thinks i intentionally threw him a mini party so that he would miss her surprise party as she had already mentioned it to me. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for my ex’s birthday, our son asked me if we could make him a cake and buy balloons. i agreed because i let him do it for everyone else’s birthdays and i didn’t want him to think i was saying no because i didn’t like my ex. when my ex came to pick our son up, he gave his dad the cake, present and balloons. i thought my ex would just take him wherever they were going, but they decided to have a mini party in my house. it started because my son insisted his dad open his present there and then told him he wanted to eat the cake. then all of my son’s toys needed to say happy birthday to his dad which led to them playing. i noticed it was getting closer to the time of the party so i tried to get my ex to leave but my son insisted we make this specific dinner that my son eats on his birthday for him. usually, my ex doesn’t want to be around me any more than i want to be around him but he was acting weird and agreed with our son that he really wanted to eat that for his birthday. he also asked me in front of our son if i was trying to get rid of him on his birthday. i didn’t want to outright say yes so i suggested he go see his girlfriend. i ended up making the dinner and he stayed here until our son went to bed. his phone kept ringing but he was ignoring it and then his girlfriend text me to ask me if he was with me. i explained the situation to her and she blamed me and thinks i intentionally threw him a mini party so that he would miss her surprise party as she had already mentioned it to me. aita? [/INST] nta he chose to stay. and i actually have respect for him to stay because his son asked him to. which means that he puts him first. it's his gf, so it's your ex problem to deal with it. you can explain the truth but of course, people will still think otherwise. </s>
|
AITA for asking my husband not to be naked while he cooks?
|
my husband (34m) and i (31f) have been married for a year this month. he has had this habit ever since i started dating him, so i might not have a right to complain.
my husband doesn't like clothes in general. when he's around the house, he usually won't wear anything at all.
he doesn't usually like to cook, but recently i have asked him to start trying since i feel like he doesn't do many chores around the house. whenever he does cook he makes a huge effort. the kind of meals that take hours of intensive labour to prepare. right before he begins cooking, he strips off so that he's naked.
he says that he does this so his clothes don't get cooking food stains on them. he doesn't like the thought of wearing clothes that smell of food, which is understandable.
my issue with this comes from the hygiene aspect. whenever he cooks, he's usually doing it for a long time. although he denies it, if i look over to watch what he's doing, he's usually subconsciously scratching and touching his naked body with his hands. sometimes he will adjust his crotch. i find it a bit gross that he'll use those hands to touch the food he's preparing over and over.
i've tried bringing this up to him. my husband maintains that i need to loosen up and that lots of people don't like wearing clothes in the comfort of their own home, and that he washes his hands once before he begins.
aita for asking him to put some clothes on here?
| 341 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hin0a7/aita_for_asking_my_husband_not_to_be_naked_while/
|
2020-06-30 13:07:23
|
nta this is so gross and unhygienic
i wash my hands like 5 times per meal i cook minimum. touching his dick and then touching food he's cooking is revolting. he needs to wash his hands every single time he touches any part of his body. and, also, just wear pants. it's not hard.
that's not even mentioning that it's dangerous, clothes act as a barrier in case you spill boiling food on yourself, he could give himself a nasty burn in a sensitive area if he is naked
|
nta:
if you want to be vague, get him a big apron and just say you don't want him to get food or hot grease, etc on his bits.
if you want to be more direct get him a box of food prep gloves.
if you want to be brutally honest, tell him the honeymoon is over and that's just plain nasty and/or disgusting.
|
nta does he not understand what aprons are? they protect your clothes and keep pubes out of food.
if he won’t comply, start requesting lots of fried food. a little hot grease spatter ought to change his mind.
|
nta. that seems (
|
nta. this is weird, like really weird, and really quite gross. what does he do when he's cooking things like bacon? get burnt?
i think he's just trying to get out of doing it.
|
yeah... that's a problem. people like that do exist, and i guess if everyone else is ok with it it's fine, but hygiene should be a priority when cooking.
nta - him washing his hands doesn't change the fact that if he's scratching his armpit, something is gonna fall into your soup
|
nta - i find this desire that people have to be buck naked in their homes at all times just bizarre. i mean sure, be comfortable in your own home but what if there is a fire or a home invasion or the god damn zombie apocalypse? do you really want to be standing there holding your dick when shit hits the fan? me personally? i'd at least want to be wearing some gym shorts at minimum.
regarding your husband, you should rediscover your love for fried foods. i imagine it wouldn't take a lot of pan fried bacon or chicken tenders to get your husband to at least put some pants on in the kitchen.
|
[deleted]
|
that's not "a bit" gross, that's totally gross that he's scratching and touching his junk while he cooks. gak.
nta for objecting to eating food cooked by a naked dude who's been touching himself. if he doesn't feel the need to put clothes on, you can probably do a self-help solution by just continually requesting he cook you some bacon. after one splatter burn in the wrong place, he will see the wisdom of at least some pants. good luck.
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband (34m) and i (31f) have been married for a year this month. he has had this habit ever since i started dating him, so i might not have a right to complain. my husband doesn't like clothes in general. when he's around the house, he usually won't wear anything at all. he doesn't usually like to cook, but recently i have asked him to start trying since i feel like he doesn't do many chores around the house. whenever he does cook he makes a huge effort. the kind of meals that take hours of intensive labour to prepare. right before he begins cooking, he strips off so that he's naked. he says that he does this so his clothes don't get cooking food stains on them. he doesn't like the thought of wearing clothes that smell of food, which is understandable. my issue with this comes from the hygiene aspect. whenever he cooks, he's usually doing it for a long time. although he denies it, if i look over to watch what he's doing, he's usually subconsciously scratching and touching his naked body with his hands. sometimes he will adjust his crotch. i find it a bit gross that he'll use those hands to touch the food he's preparing over and over. i've tried bringing this up to him. my husband maintains that i need to loosen up and that lots of people don't like wearing clothes in the comfort of their own home, and that he washes his hands once before he begins. aita for asking him to put some clothes on here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband (34m) and i (31f) have been married for a year this month. he has had this habit ever since i started dating him, so i might not have a right to complain. my husband doesn't like clothes in general. when he's around the house, he usually won't wear anything at all. he doesn't usually like to cook, but recently i have asked him to start trying since i feel like he doesn't do many chores around the house. whenever he does cook he makes a huge effort. the kind of meals that take hours of intensive labour to prepare. right before he begins cooking, he strips off so that he's naked. he says that he does this so his clothes don't get cooking food stains on them. he doesn't like the thought of wearing clothes that smell of food, which is understandable. my issue with this comes from the hygiene aspect. whenever he cooks, he's usually doing it for a long time. although he denies it, if i look over to watch what he's doing, he's usually subconsciously scratching and touching his naked body with his hands. sometimes he will adjust his crotch. i find it a bit gross that he'll use those hands to touch the food he's preparing over and over. i've tried bringing this up to him. my husband maintains that i need to loosen up and that lots of people don't like wearing clothes in the comfort of their own home, and that he washes his hands once before he begins. aita for asking him to put some clothes on here? [/INST] nta this is so gross and unhygienic i wash my hands like 5 times per meal i cook minimum. touching his dick and then touching food he's cooking is revolting. he needs to wash his hands every single time he touches any part of his body. and, also, just wear pants. it's not hard. that's not even mentioning that it's dangerous, clothes act as a barrier in case you spill boiling food on yourself, he could give himself a nasty burn in a sensitive area if he is naked </s>
|
AITA For moving out without much notice because my roommate moved his girlfriend in rentfree?
|
so i have been living with this dude for about 3 months and it has been a bumpy ride to say the least, but that is a story for another day.
now because of unrelated reasons i made an agreement with him regarding my rent so i could essentially move out on a whim as the rental agreement is monthly if that makes sense. but i assured him that it would be likely i'd stick around for at least a year unless shit happens.
well my roommate lost his job last month, i'll let you guess why, so he has been living of off his savings. his girlfriend also lost her job and has no savings so he moved her in.
now at first i had no real issue with this despite not even being asked, after all i felt bad for them both but my patience has been wearing thin.
while i have my issues with my roommate as is, his girlfriend is ten times worse. she showers so little she literally smells sour sometimes, she pretty much hogs the living room for herself laying on the couch watching tlc, she literally eats everything in the fridge and replies with "oh whoops, sorry dude" when i point out she has eaten my food again, she does absolutely nothing around the house despite obviously not working and so forth. long story short, it feels like a broke jabba the hut has moved in to our place.
so after yesterday which was the second time this week she ate everything(which was supposed to last me a week.) i lost my shit, called my parents, loaded everything i own in their van and moved out and i informed my roommate via text that i won't be renewing the rental agreement.
since then i have moved back home for the time being and my phone has been blowing up.
roommate was apparantly relying on my money next month as his savings are running out quicker than expected(guess why) and he is freaking the hell out saying shit like how i can't do this, hell even jabba herself has reached out with an apology alongside a promise to be better because obviously she is realizing their predicament.
so am i the asshole?
| 9,362 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gnbw2e/aita_for_moving_out_without_much_notice_because/
|
2020-05-20 14:03:06
|
nta for leaving, just make absolutely sure you are covered legally. regardless of whatever agreement you had made between each other you may still be legally required to give 30 days notice depending on state/local laws.
|
nta- they saw you as a free ride instead of taking responsibility for themselves and you are actually doing them a favour by giving them the space to sort themselves out and get on track.
and hopefully jabba will have a shower while she’s at it.
|
[deleted]
|
nta. it’s a shit situation for them but you owe nothing to strangers in this situation, especially when they show you their disregard for you as a person.
this whole jabba situation is not your monkey not your circus.
|
nta. some roommates are horrible. you were way more patient than i would have been.
|
nta, block those numbers and move on.
|
nta
you said you already had issues w your roommate, and then he brought in a new roommate without asking. that's rude as hell and considering she doesn't shower/eats food you've bought for yourself, it shows any lack of curiosity/self awareness. and since you're in a month by month lease, had a discussion that you would stay as long as shit didnt get sour (and it did), you have every right to leave and no obligation to take care of either of them. if you're concerned about what they're going to do now, you could always offer help in other ways, but you don't need to feel guilty about moving when they've made living there unbearable. if you do end up chatting more and decide to go back, just make sure you have clearer house rules and if they start on their bullshit again, you'll bounce again.
|
nta. they sound inconsiderate. why would you stay when you have a better option and your roommate didn't even consult you about a fundamental change in your living arrangements? he didn't give you notice about her moving in in the same way you didn't give him notice about you moving out. quid pro quo.
|
people who only care about upsetting someone when it starts to negatively affect *them*, are not good people. they are also not people who change long-term.
nta. that place sounds awful.
|
nta
so he doesn't discuss it with you, moves in his gf who has an all around negative effect on your life and then they are surprised that you leave when you get the chance? tough luck, i'm curious to see what they will do once they can't leech off of someone.
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i have been living with this dude for about 3 months and it has been a bumpy ride to say the least, but that is a story for another day. now because of unrelated reasons i made an agreement with him regarding my rent so i could essentially move out on a whim as the rental agreement is monthly if that makes sense. but i assured him that it would be likely i'd stick around for at least a year unless shit happens. well my roommate lost his job last month, i'll let you guess why, so he has been living of off his savings. his girlfriend also lost her job and has no savings so he moved her in. now at first i had no real issue with this despite not even being asked, after all i felt bad for them both but my patience has been wearing thin. while i have my issues with my roommate as is, his girlfriend is ten times worse. she showers so little she literally smells sour sometimes, she pretty much hogs the living room for herself laying on the couch watching tlc, she literally eats everything in the fridge and replies with "oh whoops, sorry dude" when i point out she has eaten my food again, she does absolutely nothing around the house despite obviously not working and so forth. long story short, it feels like a broke jabba the hut has moved in to our place. so after yesterday which was the second time this week she ate everything(which was supposed to last me a week.) i lost my shit, called my parents, loaded everything i own in their van and moved out and i informed my roommate via text that i won't be renewing the rental agreement. since then i have moved back home for the time being and my phone has been blowing up. roommate was apparantly relying on my money next month as his savings are running out quicker than expected(guess why) and he is freaking the hell out saying shit like how i can't do this, hell even jabba herself has reached out with an apology alongside a promise to be better because obviously she is realizing their predicament. so am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i have been living with this dude for about 3 months and it has been a bumpy ride to say the least, but that is a story for another day. now because of unrelated reasons i made an agreement with him regarding my rent so i could essentially move out on a whim as the rental agreement is monthly if that makes sense. but i assured him that it would be likely i'd stick around for at least a year unless shit happens. well my roommate lost his job last month, i'll let you guess why, so he has been living of off his savings. his girlfriend also lost her job and has no savings so he moved her in. now at first i had no real issue with this despite not even being asked, after all i felt bad for them both but my patience has been wearing thin. while i have my issues with my roommate as is, his girlfriend is ten times worse. she showers so little she literally smells sour sometimes, she pretty much hogs the living room for herself laying on the couch watching tlc, she literally eats everything in the fridge and replies with "oh whoops, sorry dude" when i point out she has eaten my food again, she does absolutely nothing around the house despite obviously not working and so forth. long story short, it feels like a broke jabba the hut has moved in to our place. so after yesterday which was the second time this week she ate everything(which was supposed to last me a week.) i lost my shit, called my parents, loaded everything i own in their van and moved out and i informed my roommate via text that i won't be renewing the rental agreement. since then i have moved back home for the time being and my phone has been blowing up. roommate was apparantly relying on my money next month as his savings are running out quicker than expected(guess why) and he is freaking the hell out saying shit like how i can't do this, hell even jabba herself has reached out with an apology alongside a promise to be better because obviously she is realizing their predicament. so am i the asshole? [/INST] nta for leaving, just make absolutely sure you are covered legally. regardless of whatever agreement you had made between each other you may still be legally required to give 30 days notice depending on state/local laws. </s>
|
AITA for excluding my husband from this tradition with my step daughter?
|
okay so i’m not sure if i worded this correctly in the title so let me try to spell this all out for you.
i (f28) have been married (to my husband, m35) for 6 years and have a step daughter who is 11. i have been packing school lunches for her every day since she was in kindergarten. yes, now she’s old enough to do it herself, but i enjoy it.
every day for as long as i can remember i have included a little note in the lunchbox for my step daughter.
something along the lines of:
“have a great day! love, jane.”
or on days where she would be going to her mom’s for the week something like “good luck with your math test! have fun with your new puppy! behave for your mom! miss you! love, jane.”
anyway you get the idea. i always added a little note on a post-it and tossed it in there. it is something that after a few years i did without thinking.
in all of these years, my husband has never packed lunch for her. he has never helped me pack lunch for her. so it never occurred to me if he knew what i was writing in the notes or not.
well this morning i was packing sd a lunch for her camp she’s been going to (we are essential). and my husband happened to be in the room while i did it. he saw me write the note and toss it in and asked if he could read it.
of course i said sure and asked him to make sure it got in there when he was done.
after reading it my husband got really mad at me.
he said that for all of these years he knew i was writing the notes but he had no idea i was putting my name on them. he thought and assumed that i was signing them from him, as he is her parent.
he is quite upset with me “crossing boundaries” and “alienating” him from his child by putting my name on the notes instead of his. and he feels that i should at the very least put “love dad and jane” but that the correct way would be for me to have been signing “love, dad.” as he believed i had been doing all along.
i will admit that her bio mom has asked that i strictly say “we love you” because she feels it’s inappropriate for me to say it directly to sd. but i have always ignored this request and my husband knows as much.
i will also add that i believe that my sd enjoys these notes as much as i do, as if i have ever failed to include one she always asks me about it.
so i have to ask reddit, how do you feel?
aita for excluding my husband from this tradition?
| 3,307 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gdpv1o/aita_for_excluding_my_husband_from_this_tradition/
|
2020-05-05 02:57:17
|
nta
i think what you’re doing for your stepdaughter is incredibly sweet and your husband should be happy that you have a caring relationship with her. she, for all intents and purposes, is your child to care for and nurture. please don’t let him spoil something that she’ll look back on so fondly as she gets older. maybe suggest your husband find something for them to do together that can be “their thing”. i will never understand bio parents who need to police love from step parents. surely more people who love a child the better, right?
|
so he knew you were doing all of this for years and never once took it upon himself to do it for himself and is mad that he didn't get any credit for all of the emotional labor he did not other doing? that's ridiculous and petty - and i think he knows deep down that he is emotionally neglecting his own daughter because this would not bother him otherwise.
this also struck me:
>her bio mom has asked that i strictly say “we love you” because she feels it’s inappropriate for me to say it directly to sd
honestly, i think family counseling needs to be involved here. this kid's bio parents have very fucked up views on love and are very much trying to exclude you from having a loving relationship with your sd.
nta. keep being awesome.
|
nta, and your husband has never been "excluded" from this tradition. he just hasn't bothered to be involved. the nerve of him expecting you to give him credit for acts of thoughtfulness that he contributed no thought to.
|
nta ... your husband has some deep seated psychological issues he needs to work out with a professional. it's entirely unnatural that he would try to deny you the right to have and express *your own* feelings towards *your* stepdaughter, and feel so threatened by it.
|
nta. he’s being ridiculous. if he wanted his name on the notes he should’ve made his daughter’s fucking lunches. also, he should be happy that you have such a nice relationship with your step daughter. he’s a big fat baby.
|
your stepdaughter is so lucky to have a step parent that is so hands on and caring. your stepdaughter’s parents are lucky to have someone in their lives that cares about their child so much.
unfortunately, your stepdaughters parents are assholes. it’s not unreasonable or inappropriate for you to tell your stepdaughter that you love her. if your husband was so invested in what the notes said, he could have, at any point in the past six years, offered to help with packing his own child’s lunches or write the notes. you are absolutely nta.
|
your work gets signed by your name. if he wants his name on a note he can write it himself. nta
|
nta. if he wants to write a note, he can make the lunch and write a note. who expects/demands credit for something they had no part in?
|
oh my god he’s so petty i can’t even. you’ve done something so sweet and so awesome for so long and he wants to swoop in and act like you’ve betrayed him? sure. go ahead. start adding his name to the notes. underline it. sd will know exactly what’s going on. nta.
|
nta
you haven't lied about the notes or hid them. he knew the notes were going in. you haven't done anything wrong.
once he's had a chance to calm down, i'd sit down and ask him why it bothers him that you tell your step daughter that you love her. does he feel you shouldn't love her, or just that you shouldn't tell her so? if he has traditions or activities that he bonds with her over, remind him of them, and that his bond with her is in no way threatened by yours. if he insists that you should always have been saying the notes were from him, ask him why he wanted you to lie to her. he never once offered input on the notes, so to say they are from him would have been a lie.
it might just be that he feels he has grown apart from his daughter and this triggered a far more extreme reaction than was warranted, but he needs to deal with whatever provoked this because it isn't healthy.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay so i’m not sure if i worded this correctly in the title so let me try to spell this all out for you. i (f28) have been married (to my husband, m35) for 6 years and have a step daughter who is 11. i have been packing school lunches for her every day since she was in kindergarten. yes, now she’s old enough to do it herself, but i enjoy it. every day for as long as i can remember i have included a little note in the lunchbox for my step daughter. something along the lines of: “have a great day! love, jane.” or on days where she would be going to her mom’s for the week something like “good luck with your math test! have fun with your new puppy! behave for your mom! miss you! love, jane.” anyway you get the idea. i always added a little note on a post-it and tossed it in there. it is something that after a few years i did without thinking. in all of these years, my husband has never packed lunch for her. he has never helped me pack lunch for her. so it never occurred to me if he knew what i was writing in the notes or not. well this morning i was packing sd a lunch for her camp she’s been going to (we are essential). and my husband happened to be in the room while i did it. he saw me write the note and toss it in and asked if he could read it. of course i said sure and asked him to make sure it got in there when he was done. after reading it my husband got really mad at me. he said that for all of these years he knew i was writing the notes but he had no idea i was putting my name on them. he thought and assumed that i was signing them from him, as he is her parent. he is quite upset with me “crossing boundaries” and “alienating” him from his child by putting my name on the notes instead of his. and he feels that i should at the very least put “love dad and jane” but that the correct way would be for me to have been signing “love, dad.” as he believed i had been doing all along. i will admit that her bio mom has asked that i strictly say “we love you” because she feels it’s inappropriate for me to say it directly to sd. but i have always ignored this request and my husband knows as much. i will also add that i believe that my sd enjoys these notes as much as i do, as if i have ever failed to include one she always asks me about it. so i have to ask reddit, how do you feel? aita for excluding my husband from this tradition?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay so i’m not sure if i worded this correctly in the title so let me try to spell this all out for you. i (f28) have been married (to my husband, m35) for 6 years and have a step daughter who is 11. i have been packing school lunches for her every day since she was in kindergarten. yes, now she’s old enough to do it herself, but i enjoy it. every day for as long as i can remember i have included a little note in the lunchbox for my step daughter. something along the lines of: “have a great day! love, jane.” or on days where she would be going to her mom’s for the week something like “good luck with your math test! have fun with your new puppy! behave for your mom! miss you! love, jane.” anyway you get the idea. i always added a little note on a post-it and tossed it in there. it is something that after a few years i did without thinking. in all of these years, my husband has never packed lunch for her. he has never helped me pack lunch for her. so it never occurred to me if he knew what i was writing in the notes or not. well this morning i was packing sd a lunch for her camp she’s been going to (we are essential). and my husband happened to be in the room while i did it. he saw me write the note and toss it in and asked if he could read it. of course i said sure and asked him to make sure it got in there when he was done. after reading it my husband got really mad at me. he said that for all of these years he knew i was writing the notes but he had no idea i was putting my name on them. he thought and assumed that i was signing them from him, as he is her parent. he is quite upset with me “crossing boundaries” and “alienating” him from his child by putting my name on the notes instead of his. and he feels that i should at the very least put “love dad and jane” but that the correct way would be for me to have been signing “love, dad.” as he believed i had been doing all along. i will admit that her bio mom has asked that i strictly say “we love you” because she feels it’s inappropriate for me to say it directly to sd. but i have always ignored this request and my husband knows as much. i will also add that i believe that my sd enjoys these notes as much as i do, as if i have ever failed to include one she always asks me about it. so i have to ask reddit, how do you feel? aita for excluding my husband from this tradition? [/INST] nta i think what you’re doing for your stepdaughter is incredibly sweet and your husband should be happy that you have a caring relationship with her. she, for all intents and purposes, is your child to care for and nurture. please don’t let him spoil something that she’ll look back on so fondly as she gets older. maybe suggest your husband find something for them to do together that can be “their thing”. i will never understand bio parents who need to police love from step parents. surely more people who love a child the better, right? </s>
|
AITA for banning my girlfriends mum from coming to our house.
|
so basically me and my girlfriend own a house. my girlfriends mother lives on her own about 2 hours away and she's getting old. she comes to visit us every 3 or 4 months.
the kicker is, she is a busy body and is damaging my house. at first it was things like re-arranging my cellar whilst we were both at work. but she stacked a load of boxes and tables on top of my mountain bike and damaged the derailer and cassette. it cost me £300 to replace it all. then she came again and broke my washing machine by overloading it. again it cost my £500 for a replacement.
at this point i asked my girlfriend to speak to her mum and tell her she doesn't need to do work around the house. she can just kick back and watch tv, walk round the town or whatever. my girlfriend thinks i'm being too harsh.
so to cut this short she's broken my dishwasher, kettle, kitchen cupboard door, and a few other things. and finally, she's cut threw a electric cable with the strimmer (still not sure how she's done this) and stripped the gloss / shine off my kitchen worktop by accidentally cleaning it with oven cleaner instead of all purpose cleaner. oh and i just discovered she's killed the shower unit.
i've just sat my girlfriend down and said if she can't respect what i'm asking her to do then she's not welcome in my house. but as youd imagine my girlfriend hasn't reacted well to this and is saying i'm not being fair and she doesn't mean to break stuff. she's elderly and shes a bit clumsy.
im 99% certain i'm being fair on this but i wanted to put this out there before i dig my heels in with her.
edit : i've spoken to my gf about her mum and she said shes already asked her to go see the doctor but she won't. she said she'd rather not know (she's typically like that. old person who won't visit the doctor). shes going to bring it up again with her soon.
edit2 : since people are asking. we both own the house (it's not uncommon for non married partners to buy houses in the uk. we have common law). we both earn decent money and buy stuff equally for the house. we have separate finances. it tends to be me who buys all the paints / tools ect as i'm the one who's diy inclined. but it's the time i've spent with all the stuff.
| 3,970 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cpd3c7/aita_for_banning_my_girlfriends_mum_from_coming/
|
2019-08-12 14:27:08
|
nta
just give your girlfriend the bill for everything her mum breaks or ruins, she'll soon see it your way.
|
nta
by the looks of everything she broke, im with the opinion that you've given her more than enough chances. put your foot down. lowkey it would be insane if this was her doing it on purpose to break u guys up
|
nta. what's your girlfriends reasoning behind refusing to ask her mom to stop working around the house? she's caused almost $1000 worth of damage from what, 6 or 7 instances? that's beyond clumsy and needs to be addressed. it's so weird that she's outright refusing to talk to her mom about this.
|
nta - these people saying esh are crazy. she's cost you over 1000 in damages and repairs. that's a nightmare. who comes to someones house and starts cleaning? so disrespectful.
you have no option but to ban her.
|
info: she keeps constantly breaking expensive stuff seemingly every time she's over in suspiciously odd ways.
are you sure she is not deliberately destroying your property? her behaviour sounds very deliberately malicious in your description. do you already have a troubled relationship.
|
nta. mother or not no one should be breaking anything with out paying for to them selfs. alot of the stuff you listed are big items that are pricey to replace. and it's always tough to hear your mom isn't welcome anymore. so i see both sides. it's a crappy situation for everyone here. but still nta.
|
nta - have her foot the bill. then maybe she'll talk to her mother. since it's her house too, you really can't just ban her.
|
nta your girlfriend is being unreasonable. her mother is causing hundreds of pounds of damage and nothing is being done to stop it. while it's her house too, that doesn't mean she can just let her mother destroy it.
|
it's not "your" house if your girlfriend also owns it. (you said "we" own a house.) if this is true, you have to agree on the rules, not just you deciding.
that being said, i would say nta because there are valid reasons, and you're not trying to ban her from the house, more just from doing chores or "helpful" things. maybe a compromise, where you allow specific projects that couldn't ruin things? (like tell her mom she can care for the flower garden in the back, or set a puzzle out so she has something to do.
|
nta. she is a danger to your property and possibly your safety. she should be banned from your house and literally anyone else’s home but her own.
she also must pay for the damages. good intentions don’t erase continuous bad results and it’s clear she doesn’t learn from her mistakes.
toxicity has more forms than just abuse and entitlement.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so basically me and my girlfriend own a house. my girlfriends mother lives on her own about 2 hours away and she's getting old. she comes to visit us every 3 or 4 months. the kicker is, she is a busy body and is damaging my house. at first it was things like re-arranging my cellar whilst we were both at work. but she stacked a load of boxes and tables on top of my mountain bike and damaged the derailer and cassette. it cost me £300 to replace it all. then she came again and broke my washing machine by overloading it. again it cost my £500 for a replacement. at this point i asked my girlfriend to speak to her mum and tell her she doesn't need to do work around the house. she can just kick back and watch tv, walk round the town or whatever. my girlfriend thinks i'm being too harsh. so to cut this short she's broken my dishwasher, kettle, kitchen cupboard door, and a few other things. and finally, she's cut threw a electric cable with the strimmer (still not sure how she's done this) and stripped the gloss / shine off my kitchen worktop by accidentally cleaning it with oven cleaner instead of all purpose cleaner. oh and i just discovered she's killed the shower unit. i've just sat my girlfriend down and said if she can't respect what i'm asking her to do then she's not welcome in my house. but as youd imagine my girlfriend hasn't reacted well to this and is saying i'm not being fair and she doesn't mean to break stuff. she's elderly and shes a bit clumsy. im 99% certain i'm being fair on this but i wanted to put this out there before i dig my heels in with her. edit : i've spoken to my gf about her mum and she said shes already asked her to go see the doctor but she won't. she said she'd rather not know (she's typically like that. old person who won't visit the doctor). shes going to bring it up again with her soon. edit2 : since people are asking. we both own the house (it's not uncommon for non married partners to buy houses in the uk. we have common law). we both earn decent money and buy stuff equally for the house. we have separate finances. it tends to be me who buys all the paints / tools ect as i'm the one who's diy inclined. but it's the time i've spent with all the stuff.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so basically me and my girlfriend own a house. my girlfriends mother lives on her own about 2 hours away and she's getting old. she comes to visit us every 3 or 4 months. the kicker is, she is a busy body and is damaging my house. at first it was things like re-arranging my cellar whilst we were both at work. but she stacked a load of boxes and tables on top of my mountain bike and damaged the derailer and cassette. it cost me £300 to replace it all. then she came again and broke my washing machine by overloading it. again it cost my £500 for a replacement. at this point i asked my girlfriend to speak to her mum and tell her she doesn't need to do work around the house. she can just kick back and watch tv, walk round the town or whatever. my girlfriend thinks i'm being too harsh. so to cut this short she's broken my dishwasher, kettle, kitchen cupboard door, and a few other things. and finally, she's cut threw a electric cable with the strimmer (still not sure how she's done this) and stripped the gloss / shine off my kitchen worktop by accidentally cleaning it with oven cleaner instead of all purpose cleaner. oh and i just discovered she's killed the shower unit. i've just sat my girlfriend down and said if she can't respect what i'm asking her to do then she's not welcome in my house. but as youd imagine my girlfriend hasn't reacted well to this and is saying i'm not being fair and she doesn't mean to break stuff. she's elderly and shes a bit clumsy. im 99% certain i'm being fair on this but i wanted to put this out there before i dig my heels in with her. edit : i've spoken to my gf about her mum and she said shes already asked her to go see the doctor but she won't. she said she'd rather not know (she's typically like that. old person who won't visit the doctor). shes going to bring it up again with her soon. edit2 : since people are asking. we both own the house (it's not uncommon for non married partners to buy houses in the uk. we have common law). we both earn decent money and buy stuff equally for the house. we have separate finances. it tends to be me who buys all the paints / tools ect as i'm the one who's diy inclined. but it's the time i've spent with all the stuff. [/INST] nta just give your girlfriend the bill for everything her mum breaks or ruins, she'll soon see it your way. </s>
|
AITA for telling my daughter to stop taking her marital issues out on my wife?
|
my 25 year old daughter recently moved in with my wife and i. she’s been married for two years and it’s already falling apart. i partially blame myself because i didn’t think it was going to work but i also didn’t think it was my place to tell her. her husband seems bored and checked out and i wish she would just cut her losses now but again i don’t think that is my place to say it.
she’s never really liked my wife. she doesn’t give a particular reason but they are pretty much polar opposites and admittedly i moved on very quickly after my divorce. she’s always acted like my wife was a fling but it’s been 13 years now.
she approached me the other day and asked if i could get my wife to wear more clothing. we have a pool and live by the ocean so she spends a lot of time in a bikini. she also exercises a lot and will hang out in shorts and a sports bra. i have noticed my son in law looking at her but it’s awkward as hell so i didn’t know what to say.
i told my daughter that her stepmom has a right to wear what she wants in her own house and that my wife is not responsible for a man who can’t keep his eyes to himself. she got mad but i told her that her marital issues are not my wife’s responsibility. now she is avoiding everyone and i kind of feel like an ass but it’s my wife’s house too and she would laugh in my face if i told her to put more clothes on.
| 8,832 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hkjn22/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_to_stop_taking_her/
|
2020-07-03 14:06:28
|
nta- but your daughter definitely isn't too much of an asshole, she needs help, i recommend talking to her about therapy, because her marriage is having a toll on her mental health. you've been a good father for not wanting to ruin what she had, but in the future you should tell her what you think more often. try to comfort her, don't tear her down for what she said, try to get her help.
|
your wife is wearing beach clothes in a beach house. your daughter is the one with the problem. nta.
|
nta- you are right. it’s her house and she can wear what she wants.
|
nta. i do think you should tell your daughter that you don’t think her marriage is salvageable and she should, as you said, cut her losses.
|
nta- tell your daughter to move out. problems alll solved. also i applaud you for sticking up for your wife. not all husbands are like you..
|
holy shit! the mil dil fanfic again!
|
wasn't there a post like a week or 2 ago from the sil point of view. he asks if he was their asshole because he hated his wife and was staring at his mil all day. he said he would fuck her if she was up to it i think. idk very coincidental.
|
[deleted]
|
look who's back!
this is your wank material, isn't it? so tacky to drag us all into it.
|
is this another one of those "i tie my husband's shoes for him and my dil thinks it's demeaning" posts?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my 25 year old daughter recently moved in with my wife and i. she’s been married for two years and it’s already falling apart. i partially blame myself because i didn’t think it was going to work but i also didn’t think it was my place to tell her. her husband seems bored and checked out and i wish she would just cut her losses now but again i don’t think that is my place to say it. she’s never really liked my wife. she doesn’t give a particular reason but they are pretty much polar opposites and admittedly i moved on very quickly after my divorce. she’s always acted like my wife was a fling but it’s been 13 years now. she approached me the other day and asked if i could get my wife to wear more clothing. we have a pool and live by the ocean so she spends a lot of time in a bikini. she also exercises a lot and will hang out in shorts and a sports bra. i have noticed my son in law looking at her but it’s awkward as hell so i didn’t know what to say. i told my daughter that her stepmom has a right to wear what she wants in her own house and that my wife is not responsible for a man who can’t keep his eyes to himself. she got mad but i told her that her marital issues are not my wife’s responsibility. now she is avoiding everyone and i kind of feel like an ass but it’s my wife’s house too and she would laugh in my face if i told her to put more clothes on.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my 25 year old daughter recently moved in with my wife and i. she’s been married for two years and it’s already falling apart. i partially blame myself because i didn’t think it was going to work but i also didn’t think it was my place to tell her. her husband seems bored and checked out and i wish she would just cut her losses now but again i don’t think that is my place to say it. she’s never really liked my wife. she doesn’t give a particular reason but they are pretty much polar opposites and admittedly i moved on very quickly after my divorce. she’s always acted like my wife was a fling but it’s been 13 years now. she approached me the other day and asked if i could get my wife to wear more clothing. we have a pool and live by the ocean so she spends a lot of time in a bikini. she also exercises a lot and will hang out in shorts and a sports bra. i have noticed my son in law looking at her but it’s awkward as hell so i didn’t know what to say. i told my daughter that her stepmom has a right to wear what she wants in her own house and that my wife is not responsible for a man who can’t keep his eyes to himself. she got mad but i told her that her marital issues are not my wife’s responsibility. now she is avoiding everyone and i kind of feel like an ass but it’s my wife’s house too and she would laugh in my face if i told her to put more clothes on. [/INST] nta- but your daughter definitely isn't too much of an asshole, she needs help, i recommend talking to her about therapy, because her marriage is having a toll on her mental health. you've been a good father for not wanting to ruin what she had, but in the future you should tell her what you think more often. try to comfort her, don't tear her down for what she said, try to get her help. </s>
|
AITA for calling a separate Uber for my girlfriend after a party
|
so my girlfriend had planned a surprise birthday party for me. she invited my friends and got me a gift too. i was out with my girlfriend in the afternoon while my friends setup the surprise for the evening. because my girlfriend does not have her drivers license, i am the one driving whenever we go out. so i end up driving us to the party.
fast forward a bit, we have food and drinks at the party. everyone's having a good time. and mind you it was a small party with less than 8 people. my friends hand me shot after shot while my girlfriend is sober throughout the party. later in the night, my friends decide to stay over at the place. my girlfriend and i decide to head home for the night. i remember that i drove to the party and say "let's uber home because i do not want to drive after drinking". i am able to handle alcohol quite well for previous experiences and my friends are aware of that as well. they just kept handing me drinks the whole night. my girlfriend didn't like the idea of ubering and insisted that i drive us home.
a side note: i do not live with my girlfriend. i lived pretty close to the place we had the party. my girlfriend on the other hand was around a 30 minute drive away.
although the last drink i had was around an hour or two ago, i did not feel safe myself driving 30 minutes to her place and another 30 minutes back to mine. (there are frequent police checkpoints at night on the road there and back). she then offers to drive me home (with my car)... but she does not even have her license. i say no to that idea. she tried asking her friend to come pick us up but they were busy and my friends were all drunk. eventually she agreed to uber. however it was cheaper to call two separate ubers. she got upset that i did not want to uber with her home first, which would've doubled or close to tripled the cost.
another side note: i was paying for the uber and taking separate uber saved time and money. my girlfriend does not work at the moment so i pay for most of the food we get.
aita?
| 186 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tt7qms/aita_for_calling_a_separate_uber_for_my/
|
2022-03-31 19:35:11
|
nta you’re trying to save money and be safe. thank you for being a responsible driver. i’ve lost two people i care about as a result of drunk driving.
|
nta. but she skirted being a ah by trying to insist on you driving when you had been drinking or wanting to drive without a license.
|
nta op as you made multiple responsible decisions despite being under the influence of alcohol while your gf couldn’t make even one responsible decision while being stone cold sober. suggesting you drive both of them home knowing you had been drinking lots of alcohol, expecting you to allow her to drive you home in your car knowing she doesn’t have her license, and then expecting you to pay double or triple the price of an uber with her to take her home first and then take you home are all very selfish and dumb decisions your gf was comfortable making.
|
nta good luck with that handful
|
nta glad you didn't drive, glad you didn't let her drive.
she was probably upset about ubering separately due to uber not always being safe for women late at night. i've always turned down other people's offers to call me an uber alone too because then i don't have the information or tracking on my phone, it's on the person who called the uber's phone. (
|
nta
you know your body better than anyone and you're telling her that you're not ok to drive. that she contests this amazes me.
she offers to drive without having her license. wtf?
and lastly she's upset you didn't spend 1h plus double the money to go with her in a 30 minute über drive. huh?
nta
|
nta. you may want to think about why she put herself first over you and your safety after drinking. you did right to not drive after drinking so much.
|
**do not ever drink and drive**
|
uhm, why did she want you to drive while drunk (or under the influence)? i don’t understand.
|
dude no, totally nta, you acted very responsibly and sensibly. this should not cause drama in any solid relationship, and she should never have asked you to drive while inebriated, or that she should drive unlicensed. i think if you're paying for everything, she may be a little bit of a gold digger, but you do you. just stay safe.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my girlfriend had planned a surprise birthday party for me. she invited my friends and got me a gift too. i was out with my girlfriend in the afternoon while my friends setup the surprise for the evening. because my girlfriend does not have her drivers license, i am the one driving whenever we go out. so i end up driving us to the party. fast forward a bit, we have food and drinks at the party. everyone's having a good time. and mind you it was a small party with less than 8 people. my friends hand me shot after shot while my girlfriend is sober throughout the party. later in the night, my friends decide to stay over at the place. my girlfriend and i decide to head home for the night. i remember that i drove to the party and say "let's uber home because i do not want to drive after drinking". i am able to handle alcohol quite well for previous experiences and my friends are aware of that as well. they just kept handing me drinks the whole night. my girlfriend didn't like the idea of ubering and insisted that i drive us home. a side note: i do not live with my girlfriend. i lived pretty close to the place we had the party. my girlfriend on the other hand was around a 30 minute drive away. although the last drink i had was around an hour or two ago, i did not feel safe myself driving 30 minutes to her place and another 30 minutes back to mine. (there are frequent police checkpoints at night on the road there and back). she then offers to drive me home (with my car)... but she does not even have her license. i say no to that idea. she tried asking her friend to come pick us up but they were busy and my friends were all drunk. eventually she agreed to uber. however it was cheaper to call two separate ubers. she got upset that i did not want to uber with her home first, which would've doubled or close to tripled the cost. another side note: i was paying for the uber and taking separate uber saved time and money. my girlfriend does not work at the moment so i pay for most of the food we get. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my girlfriend had planned a surprise birthday party for me. she invited my friends and got me a gift too. i was out with my girlfriend in the afternoon while my friends setup the surprise for the evening. because my girlfriend does not have her drivers license, i am the one driving whenever we go out. so i end up driving us to the party. fast forward a bit, we have food and drinks at the party. everyone's having a good time. and mind you it was a small party with less than 8 people. my friends hand me shot after shot while my girlfriend is sober throughout the party. later in the night, my friends decide to stay over at the place. my girlfriend and i decide to head home for the night. i remember that i drove to the party and say "let's uber home because i do not want to drive after drinking". i am able to handle alcohol quite well for previous experiences and my friends are aware of that as well. they just kept handing me drinks the whole night. my girlfriend didn't like the idea of ubering and insisted that i drive us home. a side note: i do not live with my girlfriend. i lived pretty close to the place we had the party. my girlfriend on the other hand was around a 30 minute drive away. although the last drink i had was around an hour or two ago, i did not feel safe myself driving 30 minutes to her place and another 30 minutes back to mine. (there are frequent police checkpoints at night on the road there and back). she then offers to drive me home (with my car)... but she does not even have her license. i say no to that idea. she tried asking her friend to come pick us up but they were busy and my friends were all drunk. eventually she agreed to uber. however it was cheaper to call two separate ubers. she got upset that i did not want to uber with her home first, which would've doubled or close to tripled the cost. another side note: i was paying for the uber and taking separate uber saved time and money. my girlfriend does not work at the moment so i pay for most of the food we get. aita? [/INST] nta you’re trying to save money and be safe. thank you for being a responsible driver. i’ve lost two people i care about as a result of drunk driving. </s>
|
AITA for not changing up my diet
|
a few years ago i suffered a tbi which removed most, but not all, of my sense of taste. after awhile of coming to terms with it i've settled into a diet based around what i *can* taste, or at least what is good for me and has textures i can tolerate without being able to taste it. long story short? it's limited, and based around spicy foods. heat is one of the few things i can still taste, so i've gotten to accepting and enjoying it i was partial to spicy foods before it.
&#x200b;
i started dating my current girlfriend a few months ago and she has been pushing me to try new things when we go out. i don't care if she wants to expand her palate, but i generally get a very limited range of options. we go for indian? she tries something new every time, i get their variation of one or two dishes. we go for italian? again, she gets something new and i tell them to load up a chicken alfredo with cayenne or crushed red pepper and call it good.
&#x200b;
personally i don't see the point. for 95% of dishes? i'm just trying maybe a new texture. she, on the other hand, is getting annoyed with my 'pickiness.' i don't view it as pickiness - i just want to be able to partially taste what i eat rather than paying for a texture. my at-home diet is the same - i have a few dishes i rotate out for lunch, a few more for dinner, and generally don't try something new unless i can see the recipe will have spices i can actually taste.
| 607 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/exka91/aita_for_not_changing_up_my_diet/
|
2020-02-02 06:25:31
|
nta, i could see trying a new dish and tasting nothing being very frustrating and depressing. you have a legitimate medical condition that caused a change in taste perception, you're not "picky."
your girlfriend's behavior is like nagging a mostly-deaf person who doesn't want to try to listen to your new favorite song. it's kind of unintentional gloating.
|
nta. it seems like you're eating the cuisine of the restaurant and there's nothing wrong with wanting to taste your meal. your food options seem limited, and she should really respect that. why does she want you to eat things you can't even taste?
|
nta it sounds like she enjoys discussing food and flavors, and either doesn’t understand, or cannot tolerate that you are unable to explore different flavor profiles.
she needs to chill out, or you need a new gf.
|
nta i have an abi (acquired brain injury) and if anyone was upset about my memory issues i would explain it but i don’t change my behavior unless it’s actually something i can work around (names are hard, putting reminders for dates is easy) i completely get it and i’m so sorry you went through that. also maybe you should try to approach it outside of a situation when you guys are eating. some people think this is a preference that they just don’t want to change that instant. if you approach her in say the early afternoon before dinner and sit down with her to talk about why this is what you feel, then maybe she’ll understand better
|
nta.
info: do you ever get cravings for food you know you can no longer taste?
|
nta. i lost most of my sense of smell a couple of years ago, and since smell makes up about 80% of taste, most of my taste is gone too, or is severely distorted. i've found that it's really difficult for people to understand because it's such a foreign concept; it's almost like they don't believe you. it may be best to tell her that unless she stops trying to make you try different foods that you won't be going out to eat with her anymore. good luck.
|
nta. your girlfriend, and i promise i'm not trying to be mean here, doesn't seem too intelligent. you literally *cannot*taste most things. does she not understand that most of the point of trying new dishes is taste? she's a few fries short of a happy meal and being a total dick for no reason.
|
nta. i can't imagine being in a position where i get to choose from *spicy dish that 'tastes' good* or *variously textured cardboard* and being expected to choose the latter.
|
nta. being picky and refusing to try new foods is one thing, but i don't see the point of you trying new things if you can't taste them anyway and would have to load them up with chilli flakes or whatever.
|
nah. you have a valid point, but i wonder if your gf thinks what i did reading your post, that you're picky in addition to the taste preferences. indian restaurants have a ton of dishes that are spicy or could be made spicy. there's no need to stick to a couple. alfredo is a non spicy meal that you're adding pepper to. why not try a new arrabiata or add spice to other non spicy meals, since you're clearly ok with that? it just sounds like you are being more picky than necessary but trying to deny you are a picky eater.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: a few years ago i suffered a tbi which removed most, but not all, of my sense of taste. after awhile of coming to terms with it i've settled into a diet based around what i *can* taste, or at least what is good for me and has textures i can tolerate without being able to taste it. long story short? it's limited, and based around spicy foods. heat is one of the few things i can still taste, so i've gotten to accepting and enjoying it i was partial to spicy foods before it. &#x200b; i started dating my current girlfriend a few months ago and she has been pushing me to try new things when we go out. i don't care if she wants to expand her palate, but i generally get a very limited range of options. we go for indian? she tries something new every time, i get their variation of one or two dishes. we go for italian? again, she gets something new and i tell them to load up a chicken alfredo with cayenne or crushed red pepper and call it good. &#x200b; personally i don't see the point. for 95% of dishes? i'm just trying maybe a new texture. she, on the other hand, is getting annoyed with my 'pickiness.' i don't view it as pickiness - i just want to be able to partially taste what i eat rather than paying for a texture. my at-home diet is the same - i have a few dishes i rotate out for lunch, a few more for dinner, and generally don't try something new unless i can see the recipe will have spices i can actually taste.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
a few years ago i suffered a tbi which removed most, but not all, of my sense of taste. after awhile of coming to terms with it i've settled into a diet based around what i *can* taste, or at least what is good for me and has textures i can tolerate without being able to taste it. long story short? it's limited, and based around spicy foods. heat is one of the few things i can still taste, so i've gotten to accepting and enjoying it i was partial to spicy foods before it. &#x200b; i started dating my current girlfriend a few months ago and she has been pushing me to try new things when we go out. i don't care if she wants to expand her palate, but i generally get a very limited range of options. we go for indian? she tries something new every time, i get their variation of one or two dishes. we go for italian? again, she gets something new and i tell them to load up a chicken alfredo with cayenne or crushed red pepper and call it good. &#x200b; personally i don't see the point. for 95% of dishes? i'm just trying maybe a new texture. she, on the other hand, is getting annoyed with my 'pickiness.' i don't view it as pickiness - i just want to be able to partially taste what i eat rather than paying for a texture. my at-home diet is the same - i have a few dishes i rotate out for lunch, a few more for dinner, and generally don't try something new unless i can see the recipe will have spices i can actually taste. [/INST] nta, i could see trying a new dish and tasting nothing being very frustrating and depressing. you have a legitimate medical condition that caused a change in taste perception, you're not "picky." your girlfriend's behavior is like nagging a mostly-deaf person who doesn't want to try to listen to your new favorite song. it's kind of unintentional gloating. </s>
|
AITA for telling my sister that now she's getting better I'm going to stop (essentially) being her carer?
|
over the last 5 years my older sister has had some health issues that meant she couldn't really look after herself.
i would go round to her house 4-5 days a week to clean, cook, do her laundry, sort her medications, etc. for this time my life has been on pause, as i've essentially been her carer (whilst also keeping up a full time job). over these 5 years she's also become quite rude with me (publicly jokes about me being her 'servant' etc). we're part of the same friendship group, and more and more of our friends have come forward to me to say that they don't feel comfortable with the way that she treats me, and that i should stick up for myself.
well, 4 months ago she had a surgery that should really, really improve her condition. i've been continuing to help her out since then, but i can see now that she's becoming more and more able to look after herself again, which is great!
last week, i told her that i was going to stop doing certain tasks, now that she's well enough to do them herself. i said that i'd be happy to come by if she needs help moving something heavy etc, but that there's no need for me to do the other stuff now that she's able to do that for herself. i suggested that instead, we use some of that time to do fun stuff together - maybe go to the pub, or go for a walk, or out for dinner instead?
i'm really excited to start my life again as it feels like it's been on pause since she got ill when i was 21, i'm excited to be able to start dating again, or go out for drinks after work, or have a lie in on a weekend - normal mid-twenties stuff!
she's reacted really badly to this. when i told her, she had, the only way to describe it is, a tantrum. she screamed at me, called me all names under the sun, and basically told me that i'm abandoning her in her time of need. she said a lot of really hurtful things about how i'm selfish and only look out for myself. she also made a lot of comments about her disability and how i'm not being understanding of it, even though her physical ability to do these tasks has now returned.
last night i found out that she contacted our (currently divorcing) parents to tell them that i've said i'm not going to help her any more. my dad was really angry, and doesn't see my side at all - he's very traditional and thinks it's my responsibility as the youngest child, to care for my 'elders'. my mum is more understanding of how i see the situation. but now i feel like i've split the family even more, because my sister and dad, won't speak to my mum or me. at the moment we're in a stalemate because my sister and dad have said that they won't engage with me or my mum until i get over myself and take on my old duties again, and i've said that i won't do the tasks she can now do for herself - if she wants someone to do her cleaning she should pay a cleaner.
however, it's all got me thinking - aita for sticking to my guns and saying that she has to do these things for herself?
*
| 10,200 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/evn128/aita_for_telling_my_sister_that_now_shes_getting/
|
2020-01-29 13:42:33
|
nta. sounds like your sister has become accustomed to having you take care of her and reluctant to lose that. it is probably somewhat intimidating to be responsible for herself again after so long. that being said it's not your job and you have your own life to live. she should be grateful you sacrificed so much for the past 5 years and that she now has her life back as well.
|
nta- you are not required to help her with these tasks, if anything your parents should be helping her.
>at the moment we're in a stalemate because my sister and dad have said that they won't engage with me or my mum until **i get over myself and take on my old duties** again
here's the thing. they're not "your duties", they are tasks your did to help your sister because she couldn't do them herself. now she can, the end. your duty is to yourself, to live a happy life and go and do the things you've put off doing.
|
nta
why not throw dad’s words back at him: he’s the elder, he can take care of her. tell them both that you gave up 5 years of your life and now that your sister has gotten better, there is no need for you to be there other than being a slave. you deserve your own life, even if it means having to go without dad and sister. it’s sad but cutting them out may be for the best.
might want to go to r/justnofamily for more advice
|
> my dad was really angry
the fuck is that, you didn't have to help at all. you should be angry at your dad that he's not the one stepping in. ffs.
> thinks it's my responsibility as the youngest child
it's his reponsibility as a parent.
> because my sister and dad, won't speak to my mum or me
which is not a bad thing considering their entitlement to your life.
nta, you did more than what you had to do (aka nothing), and considering their attitude, you should even stop helping her completely until she apologized.
you lost 5 years of your life on an ungrateful sister. your dad can go to hell.
|
nta. she got spoiled. she needed the help; i am not calling people who are ill/disabled lazy and spoiled, but a person like op's sister and like myself can become spoiled after a period of illness/disability. i myself had a (thankfully much, much shorter) spell of very poor health and surgeries, and during that time i got spoiled by relying upon my loved ones to do things for me. i was lazy when i got healthy again, and it took some time for me to unlearn that laziness.
just go through this unpleasantness; it's the price of freeodm. a lot of your friends should have your back, and also your mum does. you aren't the one splitting the family; your sister is. keep reminding yourself of that. she's the one tattling and complaining and demanding and also disrespecting you. you sound lovely and you deserve a life.
|
nta. like at all. that was actually a really nice story to read leading up to the temper tantrum. but it seems like shes scared of losing you once she doesn't need you anymore. maybe along with being a little lazy haha. and your father just seems to really care about your sister disability and that seems to be blinding him to everything else happening around it. they're definitely assholes and i wouldn't change my stance on the subject. don't take care of her if she doesnt need it. but definitely try and reconcile with them once it's all over. good luck!
|
nta. why weren't your parents helping your sister? isn't taking care of their young the job of parents? i don't think this was your duty at all in the first place.
|
nta, just saying but if you do go back to your old ways of caring for her, she’s gonna be even more demanding and rude since she felt like she won the argument by throwing the tantrums. so if you don’t take your stand, be prepared for more tantrums to come.
|
nta. there’s probably a reason why mom's divorcing dad. perhaps this is a part of it. as the eldest daughter i was expected to take care of my family. i’d still do it again, but now i appreciate my life. it’s all a kind of trap which falls primarily (but not always) on the women of the family.
you have given five years. you deserve to live your life. i suspect that your sister is hoping to continue having you do a lot of the dirty work. don’t give in. i’d be wary of a relapse too.
your sister has an obligation too. to look after herself and be an independent person without requiring her sister or family to do things that she can do for herself. it’s part of being an adult human.
|
[deleted]
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: over the last 5 years my older sister has had some health issues that meant she couldn't really look after herself. i would go round to her house 4-5 days a week to clean, cook, do her laundry, sort her medications, etc. for this time my life has been on pause, as i've essentially been her carer (whilst also keeping up a full time job). over these 5 years she's also become quite rude with me (publicly jokes about me being her 'servant' etc). we're part of the same friendship group, and more and more of our friends have come forward to me to say that they don't feel comfortable with the way that she treats me, and that i should stick up for myself. well, 4 months ago she had a surgery that should really, really improve her condition. i've been continuing to help her out since then, but i can see now that she's becoming more and more able to look after herself again, which is great! last week, i told her that i was going to stop doing certain tasks, now that she's well enough to do them herself. i said that i'd be happy to come by if she needs help moving something heavy etc, but that there's no need for me to do the other stuff now that she's able to do that for herself. i suggested that instead, we use some of that time to do fun stuff together - maybe go to the pub, or go for a walk, or out for dinner instead? i'm really excited to start my life again as it feels like it's been on pause since she got ill when i was 21, i'm excited to be able to start dating again, or go out for drinks after work, or have a lie in on a weekend - normal mid-twenties stuff! she's reacted really badly to this. when i told her, she had, the only way to describe it is, a tantrum. she screamed at me, called me all names under the sun, and basically told me that i'm abandoning her in her time of need. she said a lot of really hurtful things about how i'm selfish and only look out for myself. she also made a lot of comments about her disability and how i'm not being understanding of it, even though her physical ability to do these tasks has now returned. last night i found out that she contacted our (currently divorcing) parents to tell them that i've said i'm not going to help her any more. my dad was really angry, and doesn't see my side at all - he's very traditional and thinks it's my responsibility as the youngest child, to care for my 'elders'. my mum is more understanding of how i see the situation. but now i feel like i've split the family even more, because my sister and dad, won't speak to my mum or me. at the moment we're in a stalemate because my sister and dad have said that they won't engage with me or my mum until i get over myself and take on my old duties again, and i've said that i won't do the tasks she can now do for herself - if she wants someone to do her cleaning she should pay a cleaner. however, it's all got me thinking - aita for sticking to my guns and saying that she has to do these things for herself? *
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
over the last 5 years my older sister has had some health issues that meant she couldn't really look after herself. i would go round to her house 4-5 days a week to clean, cook, do her laundry, sort her medications, etc. for this time my life has been on pause, as i've essentially been her carer (whilst also keeping up a full time job). over these 5 years she's also become quite rude with me (publicly jokes about me being her 'servant' etc). we're part of the same friendship group, and more and more of our friends have come forward to me to say that they don't feel comfortable with the way that she treats me, and that i should stick up for myself. well, 4 months ago she had a surgery that should really, really improve her condition. i've been continuing to help her out since then, but i can see now that she's becoming more and more able to look after herself again, which is great! last week, i told her that i was going to stop doing certain tasks, now that she's well enough to do them herself. i said that i'd be happy to come by if she needs help moving something heavy etc, but that there's no need for me to do the other stuff now that she's able to do that for herself. i suggested that instead, we use some of that time to do fun stuff together - maybe go to the pub, or go for a walk, or out for dinner instead? i'm really excited to start my life again as it feels like it's been on pause since she got ill when i was 21, i'm excited to be able to start dating again, or go out for drinks after work, or have a lie in on a weekend - normal mid-twenties stuff! she's reacted really badly to this. when i told her, she had, the only way to describe it is, a tantrum. she screamed at me, called me all names under the sun, and basically told me that i'm abandoning her in her time of need. she said a lot of really hurtful things about how i'm selfish and only look out for myself. she also made a lot of comments about her disability and how i'm not being understanding of it, even though her physical ability to do these tasks has now returned. last night i found out that she contacted our (currently divorcing) parents to tell them that i've said i'm not going to help her any more. my dad was really angry, and doesn't see my side at all - he's very traditional and thinks it's my responsibility as the youngest child, to care for my 'elders'. my mum is more understanding of how i see the situation. but now i feel like i've split the family even more, because my sister and dad, won't speak to my mum or me. at the moment we're in a stalemate because my sister and dad have said that they won't engage with me or my mum until i get over myself and take on my old duties again, and i've said that i won't do the tasks she can now do for herself - if she wants someone to do her cleaning she should pay a cleaner. however, it's all got me thinking - aita for sticking to my guns and saying that she has to do these things for herself? * [/INST] nta. sounds like your sister has become accustomed to having you take care of her and reluctant to lose that. it is probably somewhat intimidating to be responsible for herself again after so long. that being said it's not your job and you have your own life to live. she should be grateful you sacrificed so much for the past 5 years and that she now has her life back as well. </s>
|
AITA for calling animal control on my brother's dog?
|
my brother mike (23m) has a dog he didn’t train at all. duchess (3f) is a saint bernard who i (29f) think is dangerous. mike has not trained her at all. she is food aggressive, she doesn't like other dogs, and she growls at children. mike has mentioned a few cats she has killed.
to make this short, mike went on vacation last friday. he begged me to come to feed duchess. i said no. mike informed me that he paid for tickets and that the kennel would not take his dog. i said he should cancel or hire someone. no one would watch the dog. no one.
i woke up friday morning to my husband screaming that there was a dog in our backyard. he had let the dogs out to pee and duchess was out there. he tried to get close to her and she growled at him.
i have a toddler and a kindergartener. i also have two older small dogs and a doxie puppy. duchess would have decimated any of them if they went outside before we noticed.
i tried to call my brother, but his phone was off. i left a message saying i was calling animal control, he knew better than this, and he needed to figure it out with the shelter.
he did not get back to me until saturday morning (my time) and was yelling that i got his dog killed. which might happen, since she is pretty aggressive. i did tell animal control why she was there, who she belonged to, and that she is small animal aggressive.
they asked if i would keep her since we don't have openings at the no-kill shelter. i said absolutely not, i wanted the dog gone. they let me know they would be in contact with my brother and i said i didn't want anything to do with it anymore. they should call him at \[number\] or his girlfriend \[number\]. mike and his girlfriend are on the trip together, so idk what will happen with that.
but mike says i got duchess killed. i said duchess is dangerous and he got her killed by doing absolutely nothing to train her.
aita?
| 248 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wkgrh7/aita_for_calling_animal_control_on_my_brothers_dog/
|
2022-08-09 22:33:17
|
nta
your brother shouldn't have raised an aggressive dog and left it in your yard.
|
nta. mike got duchess killed. when he decided not to train her. when he decided to dump her on someone who had a lot to lose to her agression and had explicitly said they did not want to care for the dog. there is no scenario in which this is your fault. you had to protect your family and either way, he asked, you said no, he should never have dropped her off anyway and without telling you. sounds to me like you probably saved a lot of innocent cat’s lives.
|
nta, this is properly dangerous, and also shows him to be so irresponsible and entitled. no wonder he never put in the work to train her.
it's not the dog's fault, and if he physically cannot train her, then he should have made every effort to find a rescue with large-breed experience. but that's not your responsibility, and you had no choice but to call animal control.
|
nta.
the dog is an admitted cat killer. your brother did this. he let the dog turn into a danger to **everyone**.
to be honest, even if he didn't toss this ticking time bomb into your yard, and you just called animal control anyway? i would still be on your side.
a baby is a lot easier for a vicious dog to kill then a clawed cat. your brother is not only an a'hole, he's a monster.
|
nta. i have rescued several difficult dogs from owners just like your brother. the ammount of work and effort needed to correct aggressive behavior like that is beyond most pet owners. he was neglegent as a pet owner and these are the consquences
|
>but i also feel like people don't just want their siblings' pets to be put down and that might make us (husband and myself) an asshole for telling people to not include us in what happens to the dog.
i don’t think people are ever going to not include you in what happened. don’t let that connection dissuade you from knowing that what you did was the right thing. as shitty as it was, i would have done the same with a dog that large and that violent and i too am a huge animal lover. nta.
|
nta, but your brother was an asshole for leaving the dog in your backyard without your knowledge. you are so right that at worst your children could have been attacked and your small animals could have been mauled. you told him no and he just left his dog with you anyway. wow, so nta.
|
nta. his poor choices and lack of boundaries have 100% created the situation duchess is in. if he expected to be able to manipulate you into taking responsibility for her when you’ve clearly communicated that you’re not willing to take that responsibility, he just found out you’re also not willing to be manipulated. if he doesn’t like the consequences, oh well. shitty choices? shitty outcomes. poor duchess. she deserved better from him.
|
what the hell is it with these people who actively do unreasonable things, and then blame someone else for the consequences?
you're absolutely right - your brother didn't train a large dog, then he put it in your yard and went on vacation after you clearly and distinctly told him you would not care for his dog. and he did this knowing his dog is dog aggressive and growls at kids, when you have small dogs and children.
he did something unreasonable that might have fatal consequences for his poor dog, and then blames you.
nta.
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother mike (23m) has a dog he didn’t train at all. duchess (3f) is a saint bernard who i (29f) think is dangerous. mike has not trained her at all. she is food aggressive, she doesn't like other dogs, and she growls at children. mike has mentioned a few cats she has killed. to make this short, mike went on vacation last friday. he begged me to come to feed duchess. i said no. mike informed me that he paid for tickets and that the kennel would not take his dog. i said he should cancel or hire someone. no one would watch the dog. no one. i woke up friday morning to my husband screaming that there was a dog in our backyard. he had let the dogs out to pee and duchess was out there. he tried to get close to her and she growled at him. i have a toddler and a kindergartener. i also have two older small dogs and a doxie puppy. duchess would have decimated any of them if they went outside before we noticed. i tried to call my brother, but his phone was off. i left a message saying i was calling animal control, he knew better than this, and he needed to figure it out with the shelter. he did not get back to me until saturday morning (my time) and was yelling that i got his dog killed. which might happen, since she is pretty aggressive. i did tell animal control why she was there, who she belonged to, and that she is small animal aggressive. they asked if i would keep her since we don't have openings at the no-kill shelter. i said absolutely not, i wanted the dog gone. they let me know they would be in contact with my brother and i said i didn't want anything to do with it anymore. they should call him at \[number\] or his girlfriend \[number\]. mike and his girlfriend are on the trip together, so idk what will happen with that. but mike says i got duchess killed. i said duchess is dangerous and he got her killed by doing absolutely nothing to train her. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my brother mike (23m) has a dog he didn’t train at all. duchess (3f) is a saint bernard who i (29f) think is dangerous. mike has not trained her at all. she is food aggressive, she doesn't like other dogs, and she growls at children. mike has mentioned a few cats she has killed. to make this short, mike went on vacation last friday. he begged me to come to feed duchess. i said no. mike informed me that he paid for tickets and that the kennel would not take his dog. i said he should cancel or hire someone. no one would watch the dog. no one. i woke up friday morning to my husband screaming that there was a dog in our backyard. he had let the dogs out to pee and duchess was out there. he tried to get close to her and she growled at him. i have a toddler and a kindergartener. i also have two older small dogs and a doxie puppy. duchess would have decimated any of them if they went outside before we noticed. i tried to call my brother, but his phone was off. i left a message saying i was calling animal control, he knew better than this, and he needed to figure it out with the shelter. he did not get back to me until saturday morning (my time) and was yelling that i got his dog killed. which might happen, since she is pretty aggressive. i did tell animal control why she was there, who she belonged to, and that she is small animal aggressive. they asked if i would keep her since we don't have openings at the no-kill shelter. i said absolutely not, i wanted the dog gone. they let me know they would be in contact with my brother and i said i didn't want anything to do with it anymore. they should call him at \[number\] or his girlfriend \[number\]. mike and his girlfriend are on the trip together, so idk what will happen with that. but mike says i got duchess killed. i said duchess is dangerous and he got her killed by doing absolutely nothing to train her. aita? [/INST] nta your brother shouldn't have raised an aggressive dog and left it in your yard. </s>
|
AITA for cancelling on a group of very out of shape women that hired me to train/guide their hikes?
|
first up please know i am trying my best to be kind in my wording. i run a small operation where i guide groups or help train them to be able to hike. i have served all kinds of clients.
i got an inquiry for a group called "womens+ adventures" and because it was during pride month, i thought maybe it was an lgbtq+ group. i chatted with the head of the group, collected the information (hiking levels, what have they done before, etc), and we exchanged money and i started the training plan.
the group wanted to work up to "a 14er" which if you do them, you know there's all kinds. going off what everyone reported, i decided gray's peak. one of the easiest and most rewarding because of the beautiful valley it's in.
when i arrived for our first group hike, i learned "womens+" meant plus-sized women rather than lgbtq+. no issue, their forms all said they were in good condition to start.
the first hike was... awful. it was a short 4 miles round trip, with 750ft elevation gain. several of them ignored my list of suggestions for attire, footwear, supplies, etc. when we got started hiking, it was very slow. one woman was upset we were starting with something so strenuous and asked for a break every 1/2 mile. one ate all of her snacks after the first break. lots of complaints of it being too hard, too long, etc.
after we got back (6 hours later) i pulled the head aside and asked if everyone was truthful on their abilities forms. she insisted it was all true and then got annoyed that i didn't believe them. when i suggested we aim for a smaller goal, she was obviously very offended. i gave them all "homework" which was to make sure to take a brisk 1 hour walk every day to prepare for the next hike. several of them laughed at me incredulously.
2nd hike went even worse. i had an 8-week plan in place, and it was obvious to me this wasn't going to work. so i called the head and told her that i thought it was best if i refund the cost pro-rated from the two hikes we did. well, she threw a huge tantrum and called me all kinds of names, and insinuated that i am fatphobic, i'm mocking them, etc.
please, please keep in mind that i have helped train several overweight people, including a pair of women in their 60s who send me pictures all the time of their great adventures. i consider myself to be very patient. one of them said they thought we would start with something like a walk in a local park to get us ready to hike in a few weeks. simply put, they weren't realistic with their expectations.
i refunded the money and ended contact only to find my social media bombarded by hate from all kinds of people. you can guess what i was called. i felt awful and in talking over this with people, several told me i was an asshole for not powering through, that i should have given them three chances, that i should have had more patience and understanding that not everyone is a natural athlete.
aita?
| 25,551 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/canwj2/aita_for_cancelling_on_a_group_of_very_out_of/
|
2019-07-08 17:18:25
|
nta - you gave them proper instructions and training exercises. you even tried to adjust the goals to fit the group you had yet these women would not budge
you can’t help a group like that unless they want it
|
nta its not your fault they lied on the form, then continued to lie about their abilities. it wouldn't be safe to continue to work with this group.
|
nta
you soulful trim this down to just being ;
aita for refunding a client group who set unrealistic goals, misinformed you about their current ability, ignored your advice multiple times and weren't willing up put in the effort needed.
doesn't matter that it's +sized women, it could be a bunch of muscular guys from the gym that lift all day but don't do cardio to take a hike like that the outcome is the same
|
nta but you should have language in your contract that allows you to remove any hiker from a group that is wearing inappropriate clothing/ shoes.
bad shoes for a serious hike is a bad idea and you should give yourself an out on it.
|
nta.
> it was obvious to me this wasn't going to work.
my initial thought to this was along the lines of "well thats not your call, let them try" but guess what? you are the expert. nothing in what you said made it seem like you were biased in your decision. you are losing money out on the gig. i'm guessing you did everyone a favor. sucks that you got blasted for doing whats right.
|
nta
you tried to train them and give them exercises which they refused to do ("laughed incredulously").
they do not even have the discipline to eat resources (snacks) the proper way.
your decision is ok and the best to keep them safe : someone not trained correctly trying to hit a hike is on the way for troubles
|
nta - the head of the group was too stubborn to admit that her group was not truthful about their abilities. you have the right to choose which clients you take on and which ones you don't. as an overweight woman myself, i'd leave that group after that first hike. they sounded so annoying.
you are not obligated to give them three chances. if you had given them three chances to start with then that same person would have said you should have given them four. you are not an asshole at all. you didn't walk up, see they they were overweight and walk away. you tried to do what you were hired to do and they made your job very difficult. you did not have to "power through" any of that. truthfully, i wouldn't be surprised if someone got hurt on a future hike because they're too proud to take advice from an expert.
|
nta! what else could you do, stroll around parks for 8 weeks and set them up to fail their challenge?
|
nta. i'm overweight and did my 18th 14er yesterday (mt. yale! it was fun.). i started out hiking places i found on dayhikesneardenver and eventually learned i loved the thrill of peakbagging. i did my first 14er after a solid summer season building up, between long hikes, strenuous elevation gain, some trail running, etc etc. i had to put in the work in between hikes.
you *can do it* if you're fat. but you have to want to do it, put in the work, and change your goals to fit your progress. it sounds like they didn't, and you know how dangerous it can be when a storm rolls in and you're above treeline.
you made the right call.
|
nta, because they clearly lied on their forms, however, all you had to do to preserve your business was to make them take short walks in the park or cut hikes into smaller portions.
next time just ask them what they want and give it to them rather than insisting they can't meet your expectations based on their embellished claims.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: first up please know i am trying my best to be kind in my wording. i run a small operation where i guide groups or help train them to be able to hike. i have served all kinds of clients. i got an inquiry for a group called "womens+ adventures" and because it was during pride month, i thought maybe it was an lgbtq+ group. i chatted with the head of the group, collected the information (hiking levels, what have they done before, etc), and we exchanged money and i started the training plan. the group wanted to work up to "a 14er" which if you do them, you know there's all kinds. going off what everyone reported, i decided gray's peak. one of the easiest and most rewarding because of the beautiful valley it's in. when i arrived for our first group hike, i learned "womens+" meant plus-sized women rather than lgbtq+. no issue, their forms all said they were in good condition to start. the first hike was... awful. it was a short 4 miles round trip, with 750ft elevation gain. several of them ignored my list of suggestions for attire, footwear, supplies, etc. when we got started hiking, it was very slow. one woman was upset we were starting with something so strenuous and asked for a break every 1/2 mile. one ate all of her snacks after the first break. lots of complaints of it being too hard, too long, etc. after we got back (6 hours later) i pulled the head aside and asked if everyone was truthful on their abilities forms. she insisted it was all true and then got annoyed that i didn't believe them. when i suggested we aim for a smaller goal, she was obviously very offended. i gave them all "homework" which was to make sure to take a brisk 1 hour walk every day to prepare for the next hike. several of them laughed at me incredulously. 2nd hike went even worse. i had an 8-week plan in place, and it was obvious to me this wasn't going to work. so i called the head and told her that i thought it was best if i refund the cost pro-rated from the two hikes we did. well, she threw a huge tantrum and called me all kinds of names, and insinuated that i am fatphobic, i'm mocking them, etc. please, please keep in mind that i have helped train several overweight people, including a pair of women in their 60s who send me pictures all the time of their great adventures. i consider myself to be very patient. one of them said they thought we would start with something like a walk in a local park to get us ready to hike in a few weeks. simply put, they weren't realistic with their expectations. i refunded the money and ended contact only to find my social media bombarded by hate from all kinds of people. you can guess what i was called. i felt awful and in talking over this with people, several told me i was an asshole for not powering through, that i should have given them three chances, that i should have had more patience and understanding that not everyone is a natural athlete. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
first up please know i am trying my best to be kind in my wording. i run a small operation where i guide groups or help train them to be able to hike. i have served all kinds of clients. i got an inquiry for a group called "womens+ adventures" and because it was during pride month, i thought maybe it was an lgbtq+ group. i chatted with the head of the group, collected the information (hiking levels, what have they done before, etc), and we exchanged money and i started the training plan. the group wanted to work up to "a 14er" which if you do them, you know there's all kinds. going off what everyone reported, i decided gray's peak. one of the easiest and most rewarding because of the beautiful valley it's in. when i arrived for our first group hike, i learned "womens+" meant plus-sized women rather than lgbtq+. no issue, their forms all said they were in good condition to start. the first hike was... awful. it was a short 4 miles round trip, with 750ft elevation gain. several of them ignored my list of suggestions for attire, footwear, supplies, etc. when we got started hiking, it was very slow. one woman was upset we were starting with something so strenuous and asked for a break every 1/2 mile. one ate all of her snacks after the first break. lots of complaints of it being too hard, too long, etc. after we got back (6 hours later) i pulled the head aside and asked if everyone was truthful on their abilities forms. she insisted it was all true and then got annoyed that i didn't believe them. when i suggested we aim for a smaller goal, she was obviously very offended. i gave them all "homework" which was to make sure to take a brisk 1 hour walk every day to prepare for the next hike. several of them laughed at me incredulously. 2nd hike went even worse. i had an 8-week plan in place, and it was obvious to me this wasn't going to work. so i called the head and told her that i thought it was best if i refund the cost pro-rated from the two hikes we did. well, she threw a huge tantrum and called me all kinds of names, and insinuated that i am fatphobic, i'm mocking them, etc. please, please keep in mind that i have helped train several overweight people, including a pair of women in their 60s who send me pictures all the time of their great adventures. i consider myself to be very patient. one of them said they thought we would start with something like a walk in a local park to get us ready to hike in a few weeks. simply put, they weren't realistic with their expectations. i refunded the money and ended contact only to find my social media bombarded by hate from all kinds of people. you can guess what i was called. i felt awful and in talking over this with people, several told me i was an asshole for not powering through, that i should have given them three chances, that i should have had more patience and understanding that not everyone is a natural athlete. aita? [/INST] nta - you gave them proper instructions and training exercises. you even tried to adjust the goals to fit the group you had yet these women would not budge you can’t help a group like that unless they want it </s>
|
AITA for calling the cops about a car that was parked on my frozen lawn?
|
this past fall i spent \~$3000 to overhaul our lawn and spent tons of time, energy and effort obsessively caring for it in hopes the new seed would get fully established before the first frost.
this morning around 9:30 am my wife noticed there was an suv parked with all four of its tires up our lawn. needless to say i was pretty pissed as driving on a frozen law [has the potential to kill it](https://www.cardinallawns.com/2016/01/winter-lawn-care-tip-avoid-traffic/).
i went across the street and knocked on our neighbors door figuring it was someone visiting their place. all of their cars were there but no one answered the door. i waited a bit and tried again. this process repeated about 4 times over 20 minutes but no one answered so i called the police. they ran the plates, saw the car wasn't from around here and said they would come out and take a look.
about 10-15 after they arrived one of the neighbors (who we get along great with) came back from a walk and said the car belonged to a home health aide that had come to help out his wife. my neighbor apologized and the car was moved.
(***important note:*** *i wasn't irate/mad at the neighbors, the home health aide or police at any point. once my neighbor came back we had a very cordial conversation and everything was resolved quickly, politely and without any raised tempers.)*
when i came back inside and told my wife what had happened she was pretty upset that i brought the cops into it. she told me i should have just waited and watched out the window to see when the person came back to the car and then asked them not to do it again. she explained that 'the damage was already done' and that leaving the car there for another 30 minutes wasn't going to make anything drastically worse. i told her that i was upset because this person – beyond being careless/rude by parking on someone's lawn and then not being readily available to move their car if asked – could have killed the grass i had spent lots of time/energy/effort/money on.
i told my wife that yeah, if i knew what i know now i would probably have been fine waiting, but when i couldn't reach anyone across the street and had no idea whose car it was i made the decision to call the police (as, at the time, that felt like my best option).
another thing to add is that we live on a dead-end street and there were tons of places this person could have parked including the driveway of the home they were visiting (which had plenty of space to fit her entire suv). more than anything else i was just upset that of all the places they could have parked my newly-established lawn was deemed their best option.
was calling the cops in this situation an over-reaction on my part? am i the asshole?
| 449 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/esvkfp/aita_for_calling_the_cops_about_a_car_that_was/
|
2020-01-23 16:35:52
|
nta i want to meet this nurse who has the balls and lack of brain cells to park an entire vehicle on a lawn. but also info- does your lawn...look like a lawn? is there a curb and everything? i cant even imagine a scenario where a sober adult under the age of 80 would think that is a normal place to leave their car.
|
nta. i think your wife is looking at it from a "hindsight's 2020" pov, as neither of you had any idea that the matter was about to be resolved in 30 minutes. for all you knew in the moment, it could've been a total rando
|
nta
who the heck parks on somebody's yard? that's just bizarre. besides, if your neighbor went for a walk, he should have seen the health aid's car parked on your yard and gone in to say, "hey, your car is on my neighbor's yard. can you move it?"
|
nta the fact that they could have parked in a sensible place but chose your lawn is by itself suspicious to me. i would have been weirded out.
|
normally, i think people shouldn't resort to calling the cops on their neighbors, but in this case i would say nta because it's so extreme to park on someone's lawn, and you made a reasonable effort to reach out to the neighbor first. you can't just wait all day in hopes that you'll catch them at the right moment. it also sounds like you were able to resolve everything with your neighbors in the end without the police having to tow the car, and you still have a good relationship with them.
|
nta. who parks on someone else’s lawn when there is room in the driveway of the house that they are visiting?
|
nta call me karen all you want but i would have done the same thing. parking entirely in someone else's lawn? wow.
|
nta. you don’t owe anyone favors when they’ve parked on your lawn.
|
nta. i would do the same thing under those circumstances. who the hell parks on someone’s lawn? frozen or not that is incredibly rude.
|
info: the neighbor returning from the walk, did he know the sub was on your yard when he left for his walk? what i mean is, did he see it there and not immediately go back and tell his visitor to move their car? because that’s a pretty crappy move on his part.
nta for calling the cops. regardless of the condition of your lawn, there’s a car on your property with no sign of the owner. i’d call the cops on that too. you were already more than generous to try for 20 minutes to ask across the street.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this past fall i spent \~$3000 to overhaul our lawn and spent tons of time, energy and effort obsessively caring for it in hopes the new seed would get fully established before the first frost. this morning around 9:30 am my wife noticed there was an suv parked with all four of its tires up our lawn. needless to say i was pretty pissed as driving on a frozen law [has the potential to kill it](https://www.cardinallawns.com/2016/01/winter-lawn-care-tip-avoid-traffic/). i went across the street and knocked on our neighbors door figuring it was someone visiting their place. all of their cars were there but no one answered the door. i waited a bit and tried again. this process repeated about 4 times over 20 minutes but no one answered so i called the police. they ran the plates, saw the car wasn't from around here and said they would come out and take a look. about 10-15 after they arrived one of the neighbors (who we get along great with) came back from a walk and said the car belonged to a home health aide that had come to help out his wife. my neighbor apologized and the car was moved. (***important note:*** *i wasn't irate/mad at the neighbors, the home health aide or police at any point. once my neighbor came back we had a very cordial conversation and everything was resolved quickly, politely and without any raised tempers.)* when i came back inside and told my wife what had happened she was pretty upset that i brought the cops into it. she told me i should have just waited and watched out the window to see when the person came back to the car and then asked them not to do it again. she explained that 'the damage was already done' and that leaving the car there for another 30 minutes wasn't going to make anything drastically worse. i told her that i was upset because this person – beyond being careless/rude by parking on someone's lawn and then not being readily available to move their car if asked – could have killed the grass i had spent lots of time/energy/effort/money on. i told my wife that yeah, if i knew what i know now i would probably have been fine waiting, but when i couldn't reach anyone across the street and had no idea whose car it was i made the decision to call the police (as, at the time, that felt like my best option). another thing to add is that we live on a dead-end street and there were tons of places this person could have parked including the driveway of the home they were visiting (which had plenty of space to fit her entire suv). more than anything else i was just upset that of all the places they could have parked my newly-established lawn was deemed their best option. was calling the cops in this situation an over-reaction on my part? am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this past fall i spent \~$3000 to overhaul our lawn and spent tons of time, energy and effort obsessively caring for it in hopes the new seed would get fully established before the first frost. this morning around 9:30 am my wife noticed there was an suv parked with all four of its tires up our lawn. needless to say i was pretty pissed as driving on a frozen law [has the potential to kill it](https://www.cardinallawns.com/2016/01/winter-lawn-care-tip-avoid-traffic/). i went across the street and knocked on our neighbors door figuring it was someone visiting their place. all of their cars were there but no one answered the door. i waited a bit and tried again. this process repeated about 4 times over 20 minutes but no one answered so i called the police. they ran the plates, saw the car wasn't from around here and said they would come out and take a look. about 10-15 after they arrived one of the neighbors (who we get along great with) came back from a walk and said the car belonged to a home health aide that had come to help out his wife. my neighbor apologized and the car was moved. (***important note:*** *i wasn't irate/mad at the neighbors, the home health aide or police at any point. once my neighbor came back we had a very cordial conversation and everything was resolved quickly, politely and without any raised tempers.)* when i came back inside and told my wife what had happened she was pretty upset that i brought the cops into it. she told me i should have just waited and watched out the window to see when the person came back to the car and then asked them not to do it again. she explained that 'the damage was already done' and that leaving the car there for another 30 minutes wasn't going to make anything drastically worse. i told her that i was upset because this person – beyond being careless/rude by parking on someone's lawn and then not being readily available to move their car if asked – could have killed the grass i had spent lots of time/energy/effort/money on. i told my wife that yeah, if i knew what i know now i would probably have been fine waiting, but when i couldn't reach anyone across the street and had no idea whose car it was i made the decision to call the police (as, at the time, that felt like my best option). another thing to add is that we live on a dead-end street and there were tons of places this person could have parked including the driveway of the home they were visiting (which had plenty of space to fit her entire suv). more than anything else i was just upset that of all the places they could have parked my newly-established lawn was deemed their best option. was calling the cops in this situation an over-reaction on my part? am i the asshole? [/INST] nta i want to meet this nurse who has the balls and lack of brain cells to park an entire vehicle on a lawn. but also info- does your lawn...look like a lawn? is there a curb and everything? i cant even imagine a scenario where a sober adult under the age of 80 would think that is a normal place to leave their car. </s>
|
AITA for saying I don't consider my cousin my sister
|
my cousin has recently gotten married and she will be coming over to visit us today with her husband, my mum is very excited about this and she came into my room and said to get ready, cos we have a lot of stuff to do to prepare for my 'sister's arrival' i felt very weirded out by the fact that she called her my sister i said i only have one sister and then she said that my aunt would be quite unhappy if she heard me saying that but i replied that the cousin hasn't done anything to warrant her being called my sister and it should be my choice who i consider my sister. my mum was not happy about this.
i just want to mention that i don't hate my cousin, i have been annoyed with the fact that she has been quite manipulative to my biological sister in the past and we have never been close but i don't really have anything against her.
also just to add to this post i have a south asian background and in our culture people do sometimes refer to cousins as cousin sister or cousin brother and sometimes share a sibling type relationship with them but i have never really had that except in my childhood and even then i never called them my sisters or brothers.
i am just wondering if i am in the wrong here for what i said to my mum, should i have just stayed quiet? i feel bad that i may have offended her. aita?
| 345 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pcla4z/aita_for_saying_i_dont_consider_my_cousin_my/
|
2021-08-27 11:15:25
|
nta. i find it odd that your mother would refer to your cousin as your sister. if you don't consider her to be your sister that's your choice.
|
you’re not the asshole but really it is such a pointless argument, my advice is just don’t bother with it and let your mom say whatever she wants, you don’t have to ever call her that
|
"it should be my choice who i consider my sister..." a better argument might have been "by definition, she's not my sister."
if your cousin is of marrying age, there's more going on here that you aren't sharing, such as: is this a new expectation? were you super close in the past? are mom and her sister (or is it sister-in-law) super close? none of that would justify your mother's behavior but i actually suspect it's something i can't even guess at, and because of that, i refuse to judge without more information.
|
nta, and it seems really strange that your mom would be so upset over something like this.
|
[deleted]
|
nta. were you raised together?
i don't get the your aunt would be unhappy part unless she expects you to regard her as your mother rather than your own mother. or she thinks it's disrespecting your mom if your mom raised your cousin.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my cousin has recently gotten married and she will be coming over to visit us today with her husband, my mum is very excited about this and she came into my room and said to get ready, cos we have a lot of stuff to do to prepare for my 'sister's arrival' i felt very weirded out by the fact that she called her my sister i said i only have one sister and then she said that my aunt would be quite unhappy if she heard me saying that but i replied that the cousin hasn't done anything to warrant her being called my sister and it should be my choice who i consider my sister. my mum was not happy about this. i just want to mention that i don't hate my cousin, i have been annoyed with the fact that she has been quite manipulative to my biological sister in the past and we have never been close but i don't really have anything against her. also just to add to this post i have a south asian background and in our culture people do sometimes refer to cousins as cousin sister or cousin brother and sometimes share a sibling type relationship with them but i have never really had that except in my childhood and even then i never called them my sisters or brothers. i am just wondering if i am in the wrong here for what i said to my mum, should i have just stayed quiet? i feel bad that i may have offended her. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my cousin has recently gotten married and she will be coming over to visit us today with her husband, my mum is very excited about this and she came into my room and said to get ready, cos we have a lot of stuff to do to prepare for my 'sister's arrival' i felt very weirded out by the fact that she called her my sister i said i only have one sister and then she said that my aunt would be quite unhappy if she heard me saying that but i replied that the cousin hasn't done anything to warrant her being called my sister and it should be my choice who i consider my sister. my mum was not happy about this. i just want to mention that i don't hate my cousin, i have been annoyed with the fact that she has been quite manipulative to my biological sister in the past and we have never been close but i don't really have anything against her. also just to add to this post i have a south asian background and in our culture people do sometimes refer to cousins as cousin sister or cousin brother and sometimes share a sibling type relationship with them but i have never really had that except in my childhood and even then i never called them my sisters or brothers. i am just wondering if i am in the wrong here for what i said to my mum, should i have just stayed quiet? i feel bad that i may have offended her. aita? [/INST] nta. i find it odd that your mother would refer to your cousin as your sister. if you don't consider her to be your sister that's your choice. </s>
|
AITA for telling my sister to look after my nephew?
|
hoping to keep this as short as possible, i'm 13 and my sister had a baby a while back now, she had a nesting phase at 6 months pregnant where she'd yell if we left a door open and would call me a brat etc if i left a plate on my bed or in the dishwasher without cleaning it first (??), she never really left it and gives me the baby saying she's gonna change her sheets but then an hour and a half later i'm holding him telling her to take him back cause she hasnt fed him in ages, which in the end she tells me to piss off and she'll be in soon (an hour or so more)
she gave me him 2 hours ago to set off the dishwasher and i just went in and she says she's gonna do a deep clean, i said he needs a feed and he keeps crying no matter what i do and that i'm going out with friends for lunch for the first time in months (since before baby was even born) (also not allowed pacifier/dummy) . she told me to just give him a toy (which i did already) and that i shouldnt be okay living in a disgusting house and i would rather be gross than look after her child for her. i just said she should look after he son and the deep clean can wait 10 minutes while walking away and she yelled and said it couldn't, i just went to the living room and she came in and took him from me and said "if you're not gonna be a good person and just look after him then he can just go in his car seat"
i'm getting ready to go now, but i wanna know if i'm an asshole
| 163 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wxdbs9/aita_for_telling_my_sister_to_look_after_my_nephew/
|
2022-08-25 12:46:34
|
nta. could you please explain why you are questioning if you are doing something wrong? yes, he is your nephew. but he's her son. you phrased it as if it was your responsibilty.
|
nta and it's wildly unsafe for your nephew to be in a car seat while not in the car. that can literally kill him
if your sister is neglecting her child then you need to go to an adult in your life who is safe and trustworthy and get some fucking help
|
your sister is neglecting her baby. if she is not feeding him, that is more than concerning. tell her and your parents if this continues you will be forced to call child services. keep a written diary of all that is going on. nta.
this internet stranger is very concerned for you. are you being homeschooled to be kept in the position of being the babysitter? do the other siblings/kids go to a physical school?
you’re 13. you should not be the primary caregiver for a baby. or any other child.
|
it sounds like your sister might have post partum. it can manifest in an obsession with cleaning. where are your parents? do you live with your sister?
|
nta huge neglect from your sister. its her child not yours. i would never allow this to happen again. walk away and close your bedroom door. walk outside, just really anything away from her.
tell an adult too. the poor child is suffering. and so are you.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hoping to keep this as short as possible, i'm 13 and my sister had a baby a while back now, she had a nesting phase at 6 months pregnant where she'd yell if we left a door open and would call me a brat etc if i left a plate on my bed or in the dishwasher without cleaning it first (??), she never really left it and gives me the baby saying she's gonna change her sheets but then an hour and a half later i'm holding him telling her to take him back cause she hasnt fed him in ages, which in the end she tells me to piss off and she'll be in soon (an hour or so more) she gave me him 2 hours ago to set off the dishwasher and i just went in and she says she's gonna do a deep clean, i said he needs a feed and he keeps crying no matter what i do and that i'm going out with friends for lunch for the first time in months (since before baby was even born) (also not allowed pacifier/dummy) . she told me to just give him a toy (which i did already) and that i shouldnt be okay living in a disgusting house and i would rather be gross than look after her child for her. i just said she should look after he son and the deep clean can wait 10 minutes while walking away and she yelled and said it couldn't, i just went to the living room and she came in and took him from me and said "if you're not gonna be a good person and just look after him then he can just go in his car seat" i'm getting ready to go now, but i wanna know if i'm an asshole
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hoping to keep this as short as possible, i'm 13 and my sister had a baby a while back now, she had a nesting phase at 6 months pregnant where she'd yell if we left a door open and would call me a brat etc if i left a plate on my bed or in the dishwasher without cleaning it first (??), she never really left it and gives me the baby saying she's gonna change her sheets but then an hour and a half later i'm holding him telling her to take him back cause she hasnt fed him in ages, which in the end she tells me to piss off and she'll be in soon (an hour or so more) she gave me him 2 hours ago to set off the dishwasher and i just went in and she says she's gonna do a deep clean, i said he needs a feed and he keeps crying no matter what i do and that i'm going out with friends for lunch for the first time in months (since before baby was even born) (also not allowed pacifier/dummy) . she told me to just give him a toy (which i did already) and that i shouldnt be okay living in a disgusting house and i would rather be gross than look after her child for her. i just said she should look after he son and the deep clean can wait 10 minutes while walking away and she yelled and said it couldn't, i just went to the living room and she came in and took him from me and said "if you're not gonna be a good person and just look after him then he can just go in his car seat" i'm getting ready to go now, but i wanna know if i'm an asshole [/INST] nta. could you please explain why you are questioning if you are doing something wrong? yes, he is your nephew. but he's her son. you phrased it as if it was your responsibilty. </s>
|
AITA for firing an employee returning from maternity leave?
|
i feel like the devil right now, so i’ll accept whatever judgement you all have.
i run a team of about 6 people. our company offers a large amount of maternity leave, 10 months. one of my employees got pregnant recently, i’ll call her jess.
our team does project based work and in the period between her leaving for ml we finished up the project we were working on when she left, and started working on a project without her.
during this period, our team had to adapt to working without her expertise in certain matters. we adapted and eventually some of us developed the skills needed to do some of her workload.
the situation we have now is me, and 2 others split half the work that jess used to do, and we hired someone new to come in to the team to handle the other part of jess’s workload and then some.
this new employee came at significantly reduced cost, as he was straight out of uni and we pay him a fraction of what jess costs currently.
now jess has come back to the team, but there is another issue.
our firm has informed us that for some fucking reason we no longer have the budget for a 7 person team, and will have to let someone go. this news came about when i submitted the paperwork for jess’s return.
we are 5 months into a project that should take an estimated 10 months, and my decision came down to jess and the man we hired to replace her. the reason we hired a replacement, which is not normally what we do, is because we anticipated that for this project the workload would be far greater than our current capacity, which it is not.
as you can tell by the title, i chose the replacement. i did so for the following reasons:
* far cheaper, thus freeing up a lot more money than keeping jess on
* he was up to date with the project and we would be able to move forward seamlessly, whereas with jess we would have to take time catching her up to speed on half the project
* the clients already knew and liked working with him, whereas they didn’t know jess at all
* she has been out of the field for a prolonged period, whilst he has been here for the past 9 months, so she may, or may not, find it hard to adapt back to work life, whilst with him it isn’t a question
* he performed his work better than she did hers and interacted better with the team.
obviously, the ideal situation which i wanted was to keep both and not put a new single mother with no other job lined up out in the cold, but i had to do right by the team and firm. i told her i’d write her a brilliant letter of recommendation, and that in a few months she could try and apply for a job at our firm, hopefully we’ll have the budget, but she snapped at me and told me not to bother, and called me a cunt and left.
i know i sound cold and heartless but i had to be fair to both employees, not just jess, right?
aita?
| 15,070 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xp3733/aita_for_firing_an_employee_returning_from/
|
2022-09-27 02:00:42
|
yta. every single reason you mentioned was only true because she had been gone on maternity leave which legally cannot be a reason to terminate someone. yet it is the cause behind everyone reason you gave. be prepared for a lawsuit.
|
i’m going to go with yta. even though you listed your reasons, it won’t play that way in court.
will any woman feel safe in her job at your company if she gets pregnant now?
|
you're punishing her for having a baby and taking the maternity leave that your business offers. you knew she was coming back, why didn't you hire a temp replacement until that time? you're not going save money after she takes legal action for being fired because she's a mother. yta
|
what's the point of having a maternity leave policy if you just replace and fire the person taking maternity leave?
yta
|
yta precisely for this:
“she has been out of the field for a prolonged period.”
it’s called having a baby. this is is what women have to do to have a family; this is why laws protecting women on maternity leave exist in the first place.
i bet you call yourself a person who believes in equality; i bet you don’t think of yourself as a sexist at all. but you are one.
|
yta
underpay someone
increase everyone’s workload without increased pay
punish a woman for spending time with her baby
and you’re seriously questioning if you’re an ah? then again most in management are.
|
yta.
what is the point of the company maternity leave policy if the person offered the leave and guaranteed a job to return to is fired before her return? that isn't a maternity leave policy if you can just fire someone for using said leave. which in the end, is what you did.
also, the new guy is only doing part of the job. the other team members have taken on additional responsibilities that jess would have taken back upon her return. so they now have more work with the same pay.
and yes, your "fairness" is towards the actual employee. not the temp. the temp is just that, a temp. someone to gain some experience in part of a job. that's it. basically a substitute for the person who actually has the job.
good luck when she sues!
|
yta. instead of hiring a contract or temporary worker to take over for a staff member who was out on medical/maternity leave, you hired a full time employee. you found someone younger, with less experience, who would work for less money. so, you fired your long term employee, in favor of the cheaper one.
your budget was for a 6 person team before jess went on maternity leave, was for 6 people while she was out, and, gee what a shock, "for some reason" *still* only has a budget for 6 people when jess is ready to come back.
you're discriminating against a woman for getting pregnant. she should sue your rear end off.
|
yta. here's hoping jess finds this post for her wrongful termination suit, assuming you live in a place with fair laws about that kind of thing.
|
yta. you traded one person for someone else because the new guy is cheaper. if jess had been injured and was on sick leave for several months would you have hired a replacement? probably not. your reasoning is lame and you act like you care about nothing but money. jess has every reason to sue for wrongful termination and the only one to blame will be you.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i feel like the devil right now, so i’ll accept whatever judgement you all have. i run a team of about 6 people. our company offers a large amount of maternity leave, 10 months. one of my employees got pregnant recently, i’ll call her jess. our team does project based work and in the period between her leaving for ml we finished up the project we were working on when she left, and started working on a project without her. during this period, our team had to adapt to working without her expertise in certain matters. we adapted and eventually some of us developed the skills needed to do some of her workload. the situation we have now is me, and 2 others split half the work that jess used to do, and we hired someone new to come in to the team to handle the other part of jess’s workload and then some. this new employee came at significantly reduced cost, as he was straight out of uni and we pay him a fraction of what jess costs currently. now jess has come back to the team, but there is another issue. our firm has informed us that for some fucking reason we no longer have the budget for a 7 person team, and will have to let someone go. this news came about when i submitted the paperwork for jess’s return. we are 5 months into a project that should take an estimated 10 months, and my decision came down to jess and the man we hired to replace her. the reason we hired a replacement, which is not normally what we do, is because we anticipated that for this project the workload would be far greater than our current capacity, which it is not. as you can tell by the title, i chose the replacement. i did so for the following reasons: * far cheaper, thus freeing up a lot more money than keeping jess on * he was up to date with the project and we would be able to move forward seamlessly, whereas with jess we would have to take time catching her up to speed on half the project * the clients already knew and liked working with him, whereas they didn’t know jess at all * she has been out of the field for a prolonged period, whilst he has been here for the past 9 months, so she may, or may not, find it hard to adapt back to work life, whilst with him it isn’t a question * he performed his work better than she did hers and interacted better with the team. obviously, the ideal situation which i wanted was to keep both and not put a new single mother with no other job lined up out in the cold, but i had to do right by the team and firm. i told her i’d write her a brilliant letter of recommendation, and that in a few months she could try and apply for a job at our firm, hopefully we’ll have the budget, but she snapped at me and told me not to bother, and called me a cunt and left. i know i sound cold and heartless but i had to be fair to both employees, not just jess, right? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i feel like the devil right now, so i’ll accept whatever judgement you all have. i run a team of about 6 people. our company offers a large amount of maternity leave, 10 months. one of my employees got pregnant recently, i’ll call her jess. our team does project based work and in the period between her leaving for ml we finished up the project we were working on when she left, and started working on a project without her. during this period, our team had to adapt to working without her expertise in certain matters. we adapted and eventually some of us developed the skills needed to do some of her workload. the situation we have now is me, and 2 others split half the work that jess used to do, and we hired someone new to come in to the team to handle the other part of jess’s workload and then some. this new employee came at significantly reduced cost, as he was straight out of uni and we pay him a fraction of what jess costs currently. now jess has come back to the team, but there is another issue. our firm has informed us that for some fucking reason we no longer have the budget for a 7 person team, and will have to let someone go. this news came about when i submitted the paperwork for jess’s return. we are 5 months into a project that should take an estimated 10 months, and my decision came down to jess and the man we hired to replace her. the reason we hired a replacement, which is not normally what we do, is because we anticipated that for this project the workload would be far greater than our current capacity, which it is not. as you can tell by the title, i chose the replacement. i did so for the following reasons: * far cheaper, thus freeing up a lot more money than keeping jess on * he was up to date with the project and we would be able to move forward seamlessly, whereas with jess we would have to take time catching her up to speed on half the project * the clients already knew and liked working with him, whereas they didn’t know jess at all * she has been out of the field for a prolonged period, whilst he has been here for the past 9 months, so she may, or may not, find it hard to adapt back to work life, whilst with him it isn’t a question * he performed his work better than she did hers and interacted better with the team. obviously, the ideal situation which i wanted was to keep both and not put a new single mother with no other job lined up out in the cold, but i had to do right by the team and firm. i told her i’d write her a brilliant letter of recommendation, and that in a few months she could try and apply for a job at our firm, hopefully we’ll have the budget, but she snapped at me and told me not to bother, and called me a cunt and left. i know i sound cold and heartless but i had to be fair to both employees, not just jess, right? aita? [/INST] yta. every single reason you mentioned was only true because she had been gone on maternity leave which legally cannot be a reason to terminate someone. yet it is the cause behind everyone reason you gave. be prepared for a lawsuit. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to do chores?
|
my wife is a sahm but this was not a joint agreement, one day she unilaterally quit her job against my wishes because she said she was sick and tired of it. i was pissed for a while but eventually i relented and said that as long as you take care of the majority of the chores then i’m okay with it, and as long as you go back to work eventually. it’s been about 8 months now, we don’t live pay check to pay check but it’s still better to have that cushion from 2 people working imo
i obviously do all the common courtesy shit like wash my own dishes, do my own laundry (whenever she doesn’t get to it first) and i generally clean up after myself but she takes care of everything else like groceries and heavy duty cleaning and the like.
recently she came to me and said she wanted a more equal split of the chores and i refused because this should be her job as a sahm. we don’t even have any kids, so why is it so hard to do the chores? she got pissed and said that it’s only fair that we both split it, i replied by saying that it’s only fair that we both work and that you made this bed so you have to lie in it.
aita?
| 746 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f92c81/aita_for_refusing_to_do_chores/
|
2020-02-25 01:42:06
|
nta
sahm doesn’t mean what you think it means. you keep calling her a stay at home mom then state you have no children.
but yeah, if she is staying home, not working and there are no children to care for, she should be pulling her weight with the chores.
if she were a mother, you’d be the asshole. being a mother is work. 24/7, 365 including weekends and holidays. mommy never gets a break. she’s expected to get up with the kids and be on their schedule.
|
umm, that’s not a sahm, that’s a housewife. nta. if she’s home all day then it’s her duty.
|
nta
i say this as a woman. it’s concerning she did this without your agreement. she sounds lazy and entitled. you can tell her i think she’s an asshole
|
like what the fuck is this?
"i know that i'm not working. and i know that i have literally nothing to do all day besides the chores and watching t.v....but this is too much! i need you to keep your job and do half of the chores."
that's a hard pass. don't make chores needlessly difficult, but doing chores is the path that she chose for herself.
nta
|
nta
she’s not really a sahm if you don’t have kids, she’s a housewife. so the entirety of her job is taking care of the house, and i can’t blame you for not wanting to split that further.
|
nta. no kids and no job? she can do the majority of the chores then.
|
how is she a sahm if you don't have kids?
|
nta. cleaning is literally most of your job as a sahm and if she’s not doing that then she needs to get a job. especially seeing how you’ve got no kids. it surely can’t take that long to do chores for two people, what the hell is she doing all day?
|
you don’t have kids so she isn’t a stay at home mom she’s unemployed so yeah the least she can do is chores nta
|
nta if she's choosing chores instead of working then she can do chores instead of working.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife is a sahm but this was not a joint agreement, one day she unilaterally quit her job against my wishes because she said she was sick and tired of it. i was pissed for a while but eventually i relented and said that as long as you take care of the majority of the chores then i’m okay with it, and as long as you go back to work eventually. it’s been about 8 months now, we don’t live pay check to pay check but it’s still better to have that cushion from 2 people working imo i obviously do all the common courtesy shit like wash my own dishes, do my own laundry (whenever she doesn’t get to it first) and i generally clean up after myself but she takes care of everything else like groceries and heavy duty cleaning and the like. recently she came to me and said she wanted a more equal split of the chores and i refused because this should be her job as a sahm. we don’t even have any kids, so why is it so hard to do the chores? she got pissed and said that it’s only fair that we both split it, i replied by saying that it’s only fair that we both work and that you made this bed so you have to lie in it. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife is a sahm but this was not a joint agreement, one day she unilaterally quit her job against my wishes because she said she was sick and tired of it. i was pissed for a while but eventually i relented and said that as long as you take care of the majority of the chores then i’m okay with it, and as long as you go back to work eventually. it’s been about 8 months now, we don’t live pay check to pay check but it’s still better to have that cushion from 2 people working imo i obviously do all the common courtesy shit like wash my own dishes, do my own laundry (whenever she doesn’t get to it first) and i generally clean up after myself but she takes care of everything else like groceries and heavy duty cleaning and the like. recently she came to me and said she wanted a more equal split of the chores and i refused because this should be her job as a sahm. we don’t even have any kids, so why is it so hard to do the chores? she got pissed and said that it’s only fair that we both split it, i replied by saying that it’s only fair that we both work and that you made this bed so you have to lie in it. aita? [/INST] nta sahm doesn’t mean what you think it means. you keep calling her a stay at home mom then state you have no children. but yeah, if she is staying home, not working and there are no children to care for, she should be pulling her weight with the chores. if she were a mother, you’d be the asshole. being a mother is work. 24/7, 365 including weekends and holidays. mommy never gets a break. she’s expected to get up with the kids and be on their schedule. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to pay my uncle rent to stay in a cabin owned by the whole family?
|
my 92-year old grandfather has a cabin in the mountains that is owned in trust equally between my mother and her three brothers. it remains empty about 11 months a year, but is available for any family to go visit if they want, like during summer vacation, for example. all four siblings split the costs of the house, including property taxes, insurance, and maintenance. there is no mortgage. one uncle, who i'll call uncle stingy, has taken on the role of the caretaker, since he uses the cabin the most. he goes up a week in the spring and a week in the fall, and rents it out to his friends (and pockets the money), and takes care of any regular caretaking that needs to be done.
due to the owner of the house i've been renting for 11 years deciding to sell it, i find myself without a home, and i've decided to take this opportunity to inject some change into my life. i recognized that i have tremendous privilege to have access to an empty home during this time, and i decided to go stay there for the summer while i work on a novel.
i checked in with uncle stingy and he said he'd be up there until june 2nd, so i told him i'd come in that night. i told him to let me know what the utilities costs were while i was up there, and i'd be happy to pay those, as well as any percentage of maintenance or anything relevant while i'm there. he said okay, and i began to plan my trip.
out of the blue today, i get a call from him and he says he realized that i wanted to stay up there a bit longer than he expected. "a month is fine - you gotta get back on your feet. but any longer than that, and you know, i could be charging $130/night for this as an airbnb."
"you'd have to pay someone to manage it locally in that case, too," i said. none of my family is local to the cabin, the closest being 8 hours away. "and if you have someone who wants to rent it while i'm up there, just let me know. i'll leave for that period and come back when they're gone."
"i'm just saying that this house could be getting $3k a month in rental fees, so nobody should just be living up there for free enjoying this beautiful cabin in the mountains." he ended the conversation with telling me that if i wanted to stay longer than a month, he'd "have to" charge me.
i just ignored him and hung up. i'm planning on staying up there and occupying the empty home for 1-2 months. if he tries to insist i pay him anything (beyond the costs of normal bills and maintenance), i'll just ignore him. my mother (and directly, me, as her son) have equal right and access to this cabin. aita for refusing to pay my uncle to rent a cabin he doesn't own or have the right to charge rent?
| 3,207 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n2tbev/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_my_uncle_rent_to_stay_in/
|
2021-05-01 22:38:16
|
nta, but i would have your mom put in a call as well or perhaps one of your other uncles and put ol' scrooge in his place.
|
nta it's shared between 4 people, if anything it's him that's the arsehole for pocketing all the rent money and not dividing it out between the 4 owners.
|
nta
tell him you're paying rent to your mom.
|
info: what does the family think? he is apparently using co-owned property for income which he doesn’t share with anyone and so far no one has protested. either they just dont care because they wouldnt use it anyways and he is doing all the work or there is a reason why they think he is entitled to the money and control of the property. do you have the backing of the rest of the family to use the cabin long term?
|
nta. i'd tell him, "since your guests only pay rent to you and none of the 3 other owners see a penny of it, and i'm my mother's guest not yours, i'll let my mother decide if and how much rent she feels is appropriate and i'll pay it directly to her.
|
nta if the property is shared between 4 people, then 4people should agree on charging you rent and 4 people should pocket money not just your uncle. id reccomend clearing the whole mess up now than waiting until it blows up once youve been there over a month
|
the four people listed on the trust have direct right to the property.
those four people can grant and revoke access as they see fit.
you are not one of those four people. so you need to talk with the other three about where they stand with this fiasco. as it stands tho yta. you were given a time limit by one of the trustees and you just decide to ignore it because you feel like it.
|
esh
you because you are not a co-owner, your mother is. this gives you direct access but you don’t have a stake in the ownership and uncle stingy does supersede you in cabin decisions. you cannot unilaterally decide to move in for the entire summer unless all the owners agree, your mother may own 25% but it isn’t a “she gets 3 months whenever.” that said, it sounds like the entire situation is pretty relaxed with the exception of uncle stingy, who sucks for thinking he can demand you pay airbnb rates after a month. you need to talk to your mom, and she needs to clear the multi-month use of the shared cabin with her siblings. if everyone agrees then nta.
|
info
why are you the one discussing this with your uncle? you have zero ownership on the cabin, while your uncle owns a percentage of it.
your mother is also a partial owner, so if she wants to let you use it for some amount of time, *she* should be the one discussing this with the other owners.
|
yta
you just decided, without permission, to move in. even if your mom has 1/4 ownership, you would still need the approval of *all* four of the other owners. sounds like you don't.
it is shady af that you didn't mention your plan to your mother or others and asked if it's ok. if you know your uncle rents the place out, the other owners certainly know about it and don't care.
your uncle was fine with you staying for a transition, and was even ok with having an entire month free, which is the opposite of stingy, but is not ok with you completely moving in and pretending the cabin is your home.
you are a mooch and this will cause massive problems in your family, in which you will not come out on top. even if your mom decides to defend you on this, she will resent you for having to do so, and for making her look bad in the process.
take one free month at absolute max, and don't push your luck on this. you are already taking up an entire month of prime vacation time in the summer. do realize that if any relatives want to come up during your stay, you get zero say and will have to accommodate them.
and your uncle *does* own it, so your argument that he doesn't won't fly, and neither will your bizarre idea that ownership has a transitive property so what your mom owns is also yours. you get jack and have no rights until your mom is dead and leaves you her portion.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
INFO
|
YTA
| 0.457842 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my 92-year old grandfather has a cabin in the mountains that is owned in trust equally between my mother and her three brothers. it remains empty about 11 months a year, but is available for any family to go visit if they want, like during summer vacation, for example. all four siblings split the costs of the house, including property taxes, insurance, and maintenance. there is no mortgage. one uncle, who i'll call uncle stingy, has taken on the role of the caretaker, since he uses the cabin the most. he goes up a week in the spring and a week in the fall, and rents it out to his friends (and pockets the money), and takes care of any regular caretaking that needs to be done. due to the owner of the house i've been renting for 11 years deciding to sell it, i find myself without a home, and i've decided to take this opportunity to inject some change into my life. i recognized that i have tremendous privilege to have access to an empty home during this time, and i decided to go stay there for the summer while i work on a novel. i checked in with uncle stingy and he said he'd be up there until june 2nd, so i told him i'd come in that night. i told him to let me know what the utilities costs were while i was up there, and i'd be happy to pay those, as well as any percentage of maintenance or anything relevant while i'm there. he said okay, and i began to plan my trip. out of the blue today, i get a call from him and he says he realized that i wanted to stay up there a bit longer than he expected. "a month is fine - you gotta get back on your feet. but any longer than that, and you know, i could be charging $130/night for this as an airbnb." "you'd have to pay someone to manage it locally in that case, too," i said. none of my family is local to the cabin, the closest being 8 hours away. "and if you have someone who wants to rent it while i'm up there, just let me know. i'll leave for that period and come back when they're gone." "i'm just saying that this house could be getting $3k a month in rental fees, so nobody should just be living up there for free enjoying this beautiful cabin in the mountains." he ended the conversation with telling me that if i wanted to stay longer than a month, he'd "have to" charge me. i just ignored him and hung up. i'm planning on staying up there and occupying the empty home for 1-2 months. if he tries to insist i pay him anything (beyond the costs of normal bills and maintenance), i'll just ignore him. my mother (and directly, me, as her son) have equal right and access to this cabin. aita for refusing to pay my uncle to rent a cabin he doesn't own or have the right to charge rent?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my 92-year old grandfather has a cabin in the mountains that is owned in trust equally between my mother and her three brothers. it remains empty about 11 months a year, but is available for any family to go visit if they want, like during summer vacation, for example. all four siblings split the costs of the house, including property taxes, insurance, and maintenance. there is no mortgage. one uncle, who i'll call uncle stingy, has taken on the role of the caretaker, since he uses the cabin the most. he goes up a week in the spring and a week in the fall, and rents it out to his friends (and pockets the money), and takes care of any regular caretaking that needs to be done. due to the owner of the house i've been renting for 11 years deciding to sell it, i find myself without a home, and i've decided to take this opportunity to inject some change into my life. i recognized that i have tremendous privilege to have access to an empty home during this time, and i decided to go stay there for the summer while i work on a novel. i checked in with uncle stingy and he said he'd be up there until june 2nd, so i told him i'd come in that night. i told him to let me know what the utilities costs were while i was up there, and i'd be happy to pay those, as well as any percentage of maintenance or anything relevant while i'm there. he said okay, and i began to plan my trip. out of the blue today, i get a call from him and he says he realized that i wanted to stay up there a bit longer than he expected. "a month is fine - you gotta get back on your feet. but any longer than that, and you know, i could be charging $130/night for this as an airbnb." "you'd have to pay someone to manage it locally in that case, too," i said. none of my family is local to the cabin, the closest being 8 hours away. "and if you have someone who wants to rent it while i'm up there, just let me know. i'll leave for that period and come back when they're gone." "i'm just saying that this house could be getting $3k a month in rental fees, so nobody should just be living up there for free enjoying this beautiful cabin in the mountains." he ended the conversation with telling me that if i wanted to stay longer than a month, he'd "have to" charge me. i just ignored him and hung up. i'm planning on staying up there and occupying the empty home for 1-2 months. if he tries to insist i pay him anything (beyond the costs of normal bills and maintenance), i'll just ignore him. my mother (and directly, me, as her son) have equal right and access to this cabin. aita for refusing to pay my uncle to rent a cabin he doesn't own or have the right to charge rent? [/INST] nta, but i would have your mom put in a call as well or perhaps one of your other uncles and put ol' scrooge in his place. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to let my cousin live in my grandmas house?
|
i (25f) inherited my grandmas house after she died, we were incredibly close, i spent every weekend with her, and she heavily influenced me to study what i do now (forensics) as that was what she would've done had she the opportunity. she always told me that she was going to give me her house when she was gone (a 3 bedroom).
i have 4 other cousins on my grandmas side, from my uncle, but they don't live in my country. all of them got some amount of her money, but nothing material like i did. except for 'molly' (28f) who got nothing, as she never phoned my grandma, never thanked her for gifts, ignored her all together. didn't go to her funeral either.
i live in the house, as i don't have the money to rent and honestly it has a lot of good memories for me. i do live alone but i don't mind too much.
last week molly came to our city unexpectedly, no one else in my family knew except for maybe her siblings. she went to my great aunt originally to ask for good places to stay, and was then pointed over to me. she asked me if she could stay with me for the duration of her being in the city, and i refused.
i told her that she had audacity to come to me and ask to stay in our grandmas old house when she hadn't spoken to me in over 15 years, and when she hadn't even gone to the funeral. she told me i was being unreasonable, and that it wasn't right to hold the past against her when she wanted to regain a bond. (grandma died 6 years ago).
i told her that i had no interest in a bond with her, and sent her away.
issue is no one else in my family has room for her, and now i'm getting ganged up on my great aunt and her side, who all think i'm being petty and should let her stay just to see what happens. maybe something good. i don't agree, and molly has been staying in a hotel since she showed up.
they haven't stopped whining to me though, and one of my cousins (mollys brother) who i'm close to phoned me and asked me to give her a chance. i firmly refused.
i don't know, am i being unreasonable? aita?
| 2,477 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xr3jiy/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_cousin_live_in_my/
|
2022-09-29 09:48:36
|
nta. if the rest of the family is so excited about molly she can stay with them.
you know that if she gets her foot in your door you'll need the jaws of life to get her back out--right?
|
nta.
do not let her stay for a single day and check the mail religiously!
depending on where you live, one letter or bill, **just one,** with her name but your address is enough to establish tenancy and you have to do the whole eviction process, costing you time, nerves, money.
if possible inform the post office in registered writing that - at the moment - only you live there and any mail not for you is someone trying to commit a fraud, a crime?
if there is the slightest chance that anyone has a key (either you gave it to them or they had it since god knows when grandma gave it to them) change **all** locks! do not ask for the key back. why? \*aunt, i'm coming around to get my key -- sure honey, but i'm not at home right now, maybe in 3 hours 'puts on jacket and dashes to a locksmith to make a copy'\*
on second thought, change the locks nevertheless. better safe than sorry.
you come home from work and there molly is, entered the house with the copy and the police will not help you getting rid of her because it is a she said she said situation. 'get this squatter out of my house -- i am not a squatter, you gave me this key'. guess whose side your family will be on?
as for the families not having space to house her - great! since molly does not live with them they have the money to sponsor her in the hotel. her not being at their homes means she does not eat their food - increased grocery bills. she does not use electrics - no increased electrical bills. no increased water bills. no increased trash bill.
let them put their money where their mouths are.
it may not be much coming from one household alone but if you add all the harassing people, well, it adds up and molly is able to live 'rent free' in the hotel. since they are all paying their share.
&#x200b;
|
nta
she will never leave.
what if this is all a ruse? little by little, another member of the family or relative will come knocking on the door asking for a place to stay and next thing you know, you got squatters.
|
nta. if she really wanted to bond she would have reached out before she needed a place to stay.
|
nta. this is like if you let someone you barely know bully you into staying with you in your house. i’m sorry this sounds like a difficult position but to me it’s clear that she shouldn’t be allowed to stay. she’s not entitled to a place because you’re her cousin. hard. nope.
|
nta. next time someone complains, i'd simply ask them why she isn't at their house and had to pay for a hotel. i mean, where is their bond?
|
nta. you haven’t spoken to her in 15 years and now she thinks you’re obligated to let her stay? she could find someone else to stay with!
|
nta. family is not a good enough reason to help a person. you hate her and that's up to you. also it's your house. i know it's hard to stand your ground when people gang up on you but nta
|
nta. someone who knows molly and likes molly should volunteer to help her out. you hardly know her, and what you do know is not good. trust your gut.
|
nta
really, she didn't even come to a funeral but come unexpectedly and think she just can stay in a house? she's an adult, she can pay for a hotel.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (25f) inherited my grandmas house after she died, we were incredibly close, i spent every weekend with her, and she heavily influenced me to study what i do now (forensics) as that was what she would've done had she the opportunity. she always told me that she was going to give me her house when she was gone (a 3 bedroom). i have 4 other cousins on my grandmas side, from my uncle, but they don't live in my country. all of them got some amount of her money, but nothing material like i did. except for 'molly' (28f) who got nothing, as she never phoned my grandma, never thanked her for gifts, ignored her all together. didn't go to her funeral either. i live in the house, as i don't have the money to rent and honestly it has a lot of good memories for me. i do live alone but i don't mind too much. last week molly came to our city unexpectedly, no one else in my family knew except for maybe her siblings. she went to my great aunt originally to ask for good places to stay, and was then pointed over to me. she asked me if she could stay with me for the duration of her being in the city, and i refused. i told her that she had audacity to come to me and ask to stay in our grandmas old house when she hadn't spoken to me in over 15 years, and when she hadn't even gone to the funeral. she told me i was being unreasonable, and that it wasn't right to hold the past against her when she wanted to regain a bond. (grandma died 6 years ago). i told her that i had no interest in a bond with her, and sent her away. issue is no one else in my family has room for her, and now i'm getting ganged up on my great aunt and her side, who all think i'm being petty and should let her stay just to see what happens. maybe something good. i don't agree, and molly has been staying in a hotel since she showed up. they haven't stopped whining to me though, and one of my cousins (mollys brother) who i'm close to phoned me and asked me to give her a chance. i firmly refused. i don't know, am i being unreasonable? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (25f) inherited my grandmas house after she died, we were incredibly close, i spent every weekend with her, and she heavily influenced me to study what i do now (forensics) as that was what she would've done had she the opportunity. she always told me that she was going to give me her house when she was gone (a 3 bedroom). i have 4 other cousins on my grandmas side, from my uncle, but they don't live in my country. all of them got some amount of her money, but nothing material like i did. except for 'molly' (28f) who got nothing, as she never phoned my grandma, never thanked her for gifts, ignored her all together. didn't go to her funeral either. i live in the house, as i don't have the money to rent and honestly it has a lot of good memories for me. i do live alone but i don't mind too much. last week molly came to our city unexpectedly, no one else in my family knew except for maybe her siblings. she went to my great aunt originally to ask for good places to stay, and was then pointed over to me. she asked me if she could stay with me for the duration of her being in the city, and i refused. i told her that she had audacity to come to me and ask to stay in our grandmas old house when she hadn't spoken to me in over 15 years, and when she hadn't even gone to the funeral. she told me i was being unreasonable, and that it wasn't right to hold the past against her when she wanted to regain a bond. (grandma died 6 years ago). i told her that i had no interest in a bond with her, and sent her away. issue is no one else in my family has room for her, and now i'm getting ganged up on my great aunt and her side, who all think i'm being petty and should let her stay just to see what happens. maybe something good. i don't agree, and molly has been staying in a hotel since she showed up. they haven't stopped whining to me though, and one of my cousins (mollys brother) who i'm close to phoned me and asked me to give her a chance. i firmly refused. i don't know, am i being unreasonable? aita? [/INST] nta. if the rest of the family is so excited about molly she can stay with them. you know that if she gets her foot in your door you'll need the jaws of life to get her back out--right? </s>
|
AITA for using my ex-brother in law to see my daughter for an ear infection?
|
my sister is divorced, her ex-husband is a pediatrician we will call him steve.
my daughter woke up with an ear infection, she’s had 6 ear surgeries including grafts in both ears. ent issues for her are taken very seriously.
my daughter's ent doctor and regular pediatrician had no availability. my sister's ex-husband works in the same medical practice as both. when talking to the practice scheduler steve was the only pediatrician that had a same-day appointment. i took it.
back story, steve did epically cheat on my sister. i have no contact with steve besides when i get my nephew (sister's son) from him or see him at drop off/pick up (our kids go to the same school). i don’t like steve. i think he’s a vile person, but he was the only pediatrician in the practice that had an opening. it's been 6 years since the affair and they've been divorced for 5 of those years.
i told my sister that i went to steve bc he was the only provider that had an opening and she lost it on me. yelling, cursing, telling me how she never would have done that to me.
maybe i'm an a**hole, but i wouldn't give two f***s if my ex was a doctor and my nephew saw him. especially if it was something that was serious or could become serious. i would be fine with it bc honestly, the care would probably be better, and like it or not steve is still family.
my sister told me i should have taken my daughter to the er or urgent care. i told her she was out of her mind.
1. the er is not for ear infections. neither is urgent care when i can see a pediatrician that knows her medical/surgical history.
2. her resentment issues are not more important than her niece's healthcare.
she told me my daughter's ear infection was no excuse to do that to her. i said do what? get my kid proper treatment? i have no contact with steve and haven't talked to or seen him since the doctor's visit.
i have refused to go out with my sister, and have created space since her outburst. it was so over the top and frankly outrageous for her to be so offended. i don't understand how it's reasonable to expect me to let my daughter suffer due to her pettiness from my perspective.
she has not apologized and refuses to even address the incident bc she feels i am wrong and betrayed her.
am i the asshole for taking my daughter to steve for medical treatment?
| 353 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wbd6tr/aita_for_using_my_exbrother_in_law_to_see_my/
|
2022-07-29 19:14:24
|
nta your kid’s health is more important than your sister’s anger (even if she is justified in hating her ex). she needs to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around her.
eta i’m a grown-ass man that gets chronic sinus/ear infections every year. i would go see hitler if he could prescribe me antibiotics.
|
nta. but in the future you don't need to tell her, unless you think your child would tell her. steve can't say anything without violating hippa.
you need to take care of your kid, who is important. not your sisters feelings. she needs to get over herself.
|
nta i'm sorry, but i'd jump into a volcano to save my kids. who gives a sh\^% for your sister's feelings. your kid comes first and if that means seeing her cheating ex to get your kid to a doctor, so be it.
|
nta
you were with him for specifically professional help, not to do small talk or anything like that.
and, as you said, your daughter's health is way more important than any other thing (5 years have passed, if she can't get over it maybe she should get some counseling?)
|
oh, op, you know you are nta. but from now on, just never mention if you take your child to see this doc. sorry.
|
nta. you are exactly right in this situation, nothing else to it
|
nta and your daughters health always comes first. the reason er rooms are crowded are because people use them for things that should use a dr for. not to mention they charge a lot more for their services. your sister needs to get over herself. btw my first husband cheated and i am very friendly with my ex. i do not resent him or have any ill emotions for him. he is my kids father and deserves that respect. i love my kids more than i would ever hate him. life is too short to carry around that kind of hatred. my kids all know we can be in the same room and we will always do what is best for them first. i moved on, he moved on, life goes on. you can chose to be happy or filled with hatred. i chose happiness.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister is divorced, her ex-husband is a pediatrician we will call him steve. my daughter woke up with an ear infection, she’s had 6 ear surgeries including grafts in both ears. ent issues for her are taken very seriously. my daughter's ent doctor and regular pediatrician had no availability. my sister's ex-husband works in the same medical practice as both. when talking to the practice scheduler steve was the only pediatrician that had a same-day appointment. i took it. back story, steve did epically cheat on my sister. i have no contact with steve besides when i get my nephew (sister's son) from him or see him at drop off/pick up (our kids go to the same school). i don’t like steve. i think he’s a vile person, but he was the only pediatrician in the practice that had an opening. it's been 6 years since the affair and they've been divorced for 5 of those years. i told my sister that i went to steve bc he was the only provider that had an opening and she lost it on me. yelling, cursing, telling me how she never would have done that to me. maybe i'm an a**hole, but i wouldn't give two f***s if my ex was a doctor and my nephew saw him. especially if it was something that was serious or could become serious. i would be fine with it bc honestly, the care would probably be better, and like it or not steve is still family. my sister told me i should have taken my daughter to the er or urgent care. i told her she was out of her mind. 1. the er is not for ear infections. neither is urgent care when i can see a pediatrician that knows her medical/surgical history. 2. her resentment issues are not more important than her niece's healthcare. she told me my daughter's ear infection was no excuse to do that to her. i said do what? get my kid proper treatment? i have no contact with steve and haven't talked to or seen him since the doctor's visit. i have refused to go out with my sister, and have created space since her outburst. it was so over the top and frankly outrageous for her to be so offended. i don't understand how it's reasonable to expect me to let my daughter suffer due to her pettiness from my perspective. she has not apologized and refuses to even address the incident bc she feels i am wrong and betrayed her. am i the asshole for taking my daughter to steve for medical treatment?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister is divorced, her ex-husband is a pediatrician we will call him steve. my daughter woke up with an ear infection, she’s had 6 ear surgeries including grafts in both ears. ent issues for her are taken very seriously. my daughter's ent doctor and regular pediatrician had no availability. my sister's ex-husband works in the same medical practice as both. when talking to the practice scheduler steve was the only pediatrician that had a same-day appointment. i took it. back story, steve did epically cheat on my sister. i have no contact with steve besides when i get my nephew (sister's son) from him or see him at drop off/pick up (our kids go to the same school). i don’t like steve. i think he’s a vile person, but he was the only pediatrician in the practice that had an opening. it's been 6 years since the affair and they've been divorced for 5 of those years. i told my sister that i went to steve bc he was the only provider that had an opening and she lost it on me. yelling, cursing, telling me how she never would have done that to me. maybe i'm an a**hole, but i wouldn't give two f***s if my ex was a doctor and my nephew saw him. especially if it was something that was serious or could become serious. i would be fine with it bc honestly, the care would probably be better, and like it or not steve is still family. my sister told me i should have taken my daughter to the er or urgent care. i told her she was out of her mind. 1. the er is not for ear infections. neither is urgent care when i can see a pediatrician that knows her medical/surgical history. 2. her resentment issues are not more important than her niece's healthcare. she told me my daughter's ear infection was no excuse to do that to her. i said do what? get my kid proper treatment? i have no contact with steve and haven't talked to or seen him since the doctor's visit. i have refused to go out with my sister, and have created space since her outburst. it was so over the top and frankly outrageous for her to be so offended. i don't understand how it's reasonable to expect me to let my daughter suffer due to her pettiness from my perspective. she has not apologized and refuses to even address the incident bc she feels i am wrong and betrayed her. am i the asshole for taking my daughter to steve for medical treatment? [/INST] nta your kid’s health is more important than your sister’s anger (even if she is justified in hating her ex). she needs to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around her. eta i’m a grown-ass man that gets chronic sinus/ear infections every year. i would go see hitler if he could prescribe me antibiotics. </s>
|
AITA for not being able to comfort my (25F) boyfriend (29M) after he gets extremely angry?
|
my boyfriend of almost 4 years has anger issues that he has only recently begun to adequately address. this issue has happened several times and i always get made to feel so bad about it that i'm really not sure if i'm the asshole or at least inconsiderate.
my bf gets angry over really small things sometimes, like a restaurant making his food a bit wrong or a tiny rock flying into his windshield. sometimes his anger may be more reasonable than other times, but he yells a lot and sometimes pounds his fists and has thrown things around on at least two occasions. he doesn't yell directly at me very often and has never thrown anything at me but regardless, whenever this happens i get terrified. sometimes i'll say "hey, it'll be okay" and touch his arm to try to help but mostly i just shrink away and look down, especially when we're in a car.
he's told me that he doesn't appreciate that i just sort of ignore him when this happens and i should instead try to make him feel better. i always end up doing that when he stops yelling but while he's yelling i just freeze up. i can't help it. he hasn't directly said it but has essentially implied that i'm not a caring girlfriend because of this. i'm really starting to wonder if i should work on my reactions and try to be there for him more. he says anger is a normal emotion which i agree with but the yelling does not seem as normal. aita for being like this in these situations?
| 176 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hwohp3/aita_for_not_being_able_to_comfort_my_25f/
|
2020-07-23 21:28:35
|
nta
op this is a red flag and you need to take care of yourself. his anger management issues are not your problem to help him solve.
his level of anger is **not normal.** he is starting to slowly displace himself from the situation and subtly blame you for his dangerous emotions.
this is manipulation.
|
nta. he doesn’t yell at you *often*? fuck that. this guys anger is his issue and not one you’re obligated to put up with or coddle him through. he expects you to be supportive but he isn’t supportive enough to realize that when he starts acting like an asshole it makes you fear him and shut down?
|
nta.
get out now. this is abuse. he can’t control his anger and blames you for it.
|
i hate to be the one to tell you this, but it's actually not normal to get so angry when a rock hits the windshield. it's also not your job to calm him down, he needs therapy and anger management. nta.
|
nta. red flag. run away before its too late.
he is an adult. his behavior is unacceptable, then blaming you for not consoling him is very wrong. he needs to learn how to self sooth and not blow up in the first place.
only he can control how he reacts.
|
nta the uncontrolled anger is his issue not yours. the fact you're asking the question suggests you are a caring partner, but he can't expect you to be his magic therapist when he's terrifying you.
on that note, any relationship in which one person is terrified of the other, is not a healthy one. it's not on you to fix him. do you want to be in a relationship with someone who yells, sometimes at you, and then starts to imply it's your fault for not calming him down? that's very manipulative.
|
nta and you are in an abusive relationship.
you're not responsible for his anger. i bet he can control his anger at work, church, when getting pulled over by the police...
he's a grown man and should be able to not blame you for "not being able to calm him" as if that's your job.
you should look into the book "why does he do that?" on amazon.
|
nta. he has anger issues and needs to deal with them himself. that he reacts in this way, that you have expressed that you are scared, and then he essentially blames you? red flag. get outta there and please take care of yourself.
|
nta nta nta. his temper is not yours to control. he's an adult responsible for his own actions. it is not your job to try and calm him down. if he doesn't like that you shut down when he's in a rage, the answer is for him to control his temper, not for you to accommodate it. he is trying to offload the responsibility for his anger issues onto you - that plus implying that you're not being caring or not doing your part by not attempting to pacify him is straight into emotional abuse territory. i have experienced this with people before. yes, anger is a normal emotion. screaming, hitting, and throwing things is not.
|
nta nta nta
*feelings* such as anger are normal emotions that we have limited control over, especially in the moment. however, he get's to choose *what he does* with those feelings, and he is such a \bigg ah for the way he has chosen to deal with them.
it's totally appropriate and healthy to **walk away** when he does things like this, and to only return when he is calm. you don't have to sit there and deal with his outbursts, nor are you obliged to comfort him.
furthermore, if he yells at you, you get an apology. if he does that with any regularity, it's abusive.
nta, but i would go even further to say that if you left him, you'd still be nta, if you made a firm request 'you need anger management therapy' you'd be nta, and if you asked for couple's therapy, you'd be nta.
i highly recommend that you start talking to a counsellor regularly and build up your social support network & start confiding in them--you need people to know your story and remind you that you're nta here.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my boyfriend of almost 4 years has anger issues that he has only recently begun to adequately address. this issue has happened several times and i always get made to feel so bad about it that i'm really not sure if i'm the asshole or at least inconsiderate. my bf gets angry over really small things sometimes, like a restaurant making his food a bit wrong or a tiny rock flying into his windshield. sometimes his anger may be more reasonable than other times, but he yells a lot and sometimes pounds his fists and has thrown things around on at least two occasions. he doesn't yell directly at me very often and has never thrown anything at me but regardless, whenever this happens i get terrified. sometimes i'll say "hey, it'll be okay" and touch his arm to try to help but mostly i just shrink away and look down, especially when we're in a car. he's told me that he doesn't appreciate that i just sort of ignore him when this happens and i should instead try to make him feel better. i always end up doing that when he stops yelling but while he's yelling i just freeze up. i can't help it. he hasn't directly said it but has essentially implied that i'm not a caring girlfriend because of this. i'm really starting to wonder if i should work on my reactions and try to be there for him more. he says anger is a normal emotion which i agree with but the yelling does not seem as normal. aita for being like this in these situations?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my boyfriend of almost 4 years has anger issues that he has only recently begun to adequately address. this issue has happened several times and i always get made to feel so bad about it that i'm really not sure if i'm the asshole or at least inconsiderate. my bf gets angry over really small things sometimes, like a restaurant making his food a bit wrong or a tiny rock flying into his windshield. sometimes his anger may be more reasonable than other times, but he yells a lot and sometimes pounds his fists and has thrown things around on at least two occasions. he doesn't yell directly at me very often and has never thrown anything at me but regardless, whenever this happens i get terrified. sometimes i'll say "hey, it'll be okay" and touch his arm to try to help but mostly i just shrink away and look down, especially when we're in a car. he's told me that he doesn't appreciate that i just sort of ignore him when this happens and i should instead try to make him feel better. i always end up doing that when he stops yelling but while he's yelling i just freeze up. i can't help it. he hasn't directly said it but has essentially implied that i'm not a caring girlfriend because of this. i'm really starting to wonder if i should work on my reactions and try to be there for him more. he says anger is a normal emotion which i agree with but the yelling does not seem as normal. aita for being like this in these situations? [/INST] nta op this is a red flag and you need to take care of yourself. his anger management issues are not your problem to help him solve. his level of anger is **not normal.** he is starting to slowly displace himself from the situation and subtly blame you for his dangerous emotions. this is manipulation. </s>
|
AITA for making my coworker serve someone I originally was supposed to serve after seeing they had an SD?
|
i work as a waiter and i have a deathly allergy to dogs, i will go into anaphylactic shock if i have too much contact with a dog. i’ve discussed this with my boss and said that if i am to serve anyone with a service dog that i am to ask for another waiter to serve them, which my boss has agreed with and said i am allowed to do so. people with sd’s rarely come in so i rarely have to switch out.
recently, someone did come in with an sd and i told them due to my allergy i cannot serve them but i will get someone who can. the lady was understanding but when i went to ask a coworker to serve her, he was not. he said it’s only some dog fur and i need to get over myself. it wasn’t until i showed him my epipen that he understood enough, but he still seemed salty about it. was i really ta for making him take over for me?
| 655 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q9j9du/aita_for_making_my_coworker_serve_someone_i/
|
2021-10-16 19:53:31
|
nta
someone getting upset at you does not make you an ah.
for future peace of mind, learn that. it is not your job to prevent everyone from getting upset. that is impossible. it is your job to be reasonable. you were. he needs to get the fuck over himself.
|
is this really up for debate? you have an severe allergy to dogs, a dog came in, you asked someone else to serve that customer.
of course nta.
|
nta but you should have told your manager that there is a customer with a dog and you can not serve her because of your allergy. after that your manager himself should have ordered another waiter to do it. i do not know how the chain of command works at restaurants. my point is that the other waiter thought that you were dumping your work to him but if a superior were to tell him he would not be salty about it.
|
nta but, is this a real post?
i'm only asking because i feel like i have seen a lot of variations of the service dog but i'm allergic kind of questions lately lol
|
nta you're coworker needed to be shown an epipen before he agreed. what an ah
|
nta - it's a valid medical reason to swap out, your co-worker is the ah here
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i work as a waiter and i have a deathly allergy to dogs, i will go into anaphylactic shock if i have too much contact with a dog. i’ve discussed this with my boss and said that if i am to serve anyone with a service dog that i am to ask for another waiter to serve them, which my boss has agreed with and said i am allowed to do so. people with sd’s rarely come in so i rarely have to switch out. recently, someone did come in with an sd and i told them due to my allergy i cannot serve them but i will get someone who can. the lady was understanding but when i went to ask a coworker to serve her, he was not. he said it’s only some dog fur and i need to get over myself. it wasn’t until i showed him my epipen that he understood enough, but he still seemed salty about it. was i really ta for making him take over for me?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i work as a waiter and i have a deathly allergy to dogs, i will go into anaphylactic shock if i have too much contact with a dog. i’ve discussed this with my boss and said that if i am to serve anyone with a service dog that i am to ask for another waiter to serve them, which my boss has agreed with and said i am allowed to do so. people with sd’s rarely come in so i rarely have to switch out. recently, someone did come in with an sd and i told them due to my allergy i cannot serve them but i will get someone who can. the lady was understanding but when i went to ask a coworker to serve her, he was not. he said it’s only some dog fur and i need to get over myself. it wasn’t until i showed him my epipen that he understood enough, but he still seemed salty about it. was i really ta for making him take over for me? [/INST] nta someone getting upset at you does not make you an ah. for future peace of mind, learn that. it is not your job to prevent everyone from getting upset. that is impossible. it is your job to be reasonable. you were. he needs to get the fuck over himself. </s>
|
AITA For being a little upset that my parents didn't really get me anything for Christmas other than more debt?
|
so for context, my (19f) parents got me a really nice car when i turned 15. they said it was a gift for my birthday, that they wanted me to have the best of the best, and the car was priced around $35000. i was extremely appreciative, but as i was homeschooled and through covid, i didn't really have many places to go throughout the past two years, so they decided to sell the car when we moved states (but they only got around $24000 back from what they originally spent). i wasn't all too happy, since this was a great gift from my previous years, but they said that it was theirs to do with what they wanted.
this year, even though i'm a full-time student, my mom has been insisting that i get a full-time job in order to become more self-sufficient, and that i need to know what responsibility feels like. so she told me i needed to buy a car, and they would put in the $24000 that they got back from my old car. i picked out a car priced around $28000, so i'd only have to owe them around $4000, but my dad decided to get me another car, priced at $32000. this was not a car that i picked out, but he 'surprised' me with it, and he himself stated that he would only make me pay for what i was originally going to buy the $28000 car for.
fast forward to now, my mom is still under the impression that i should want to pay them the $8000 that they're owed for the car my dad picked out. and this has been a rocky topic, since i don't think it's fair that i was under the impression that they would forgive half the payment and i didn't want this upgraded car to begin with. my mom didn't get me anything this year, other than this and a $15 accessory for the car, and says that i should be 'grateful that i got a car this christmas'. even though i really don't feel like it's much of a present. aita?
| 690 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rns6m4/aita_for_being_a_little_upset_that_my_parents/
|
2021-12-24 18:41:01
|
nta - you never agreed to being $8000 in debt and sounds like you would have been appreciative of the $28,000 car. that's their bad, not yours.
|
so your parents sold a gift they already gave you and from that money buy the same thing as a new gift and your mother wants you to pay for part of without consulting you first?
nta
even though your father has been very generous your mother should not ask the extra 4000 from you.
|
surprised by the y t a responses. op never asked for an expensive car. would anyone be happy getting a “gift” of $8000 debt? i sure wouldn’t even if i get a nice car along with it. step one to gift-giving is you never give someone a gift that they are also obligated to pay into. it’s comparable to someone unexpectedly gifting you a week of disneyworld tickets when you weren’t planning a trip to disney. now you have to pay thousands for plane tickets, a hotel, food, and transportation that you hadn’t been budgeting for in order to actually use the gift. nta.
|
100% nta - erm, first off. if someone gets you a gift. the ownership is yours. not theirs. so they stole the car from you.
it sounds like your parents are terrible with money and boundaries.
take it from me : don’t accept the car. go and get a part time job and buy a $1000 car as your first car.
it’ll be trash. but it won’t come with any strings attached.
you need to cut the apron strings.
|
nta
since the car isn't titled in your name, you didn't get a car for christmas at all. you are being asked to pay to use their car.
and there's a good chance that your parents are carrying a little an on the car and haven't paid much at all on it. you could possibly go ve your parents $4-8k and have the car be repossessed in a few months for nonpayment. so, don't pay a large lump sum toward a car that isn't in your name.
if they want $4k (or even $8k), ask for the title first. if they don't like that, offer to pay them $100 for the use of their car. if they don't like that, we use your $4-8k to buy a car in your own name.
|
i’d say nta. i’ve seen comments saying that op is entitled but why? the car was a gift to begin with, the parents then told op the money they got back would go onto a new car for her, which is another gift, but told her she had to pay the extra amount, so op picked a car where she’d only have to pay back $4000, but her dad decided to get her a different car and told her she’d only have to pay $4000 but now the mother is going back on that and expecting $8000, which isn’t what was agreed when her dad brought the more expensive car. the parents clearly haven’t communicated this. that’s their problem. op didn’t want an upgrade to begin with.
are the prices mad, yes but the parents choose these cars not op.
|
obvious nta but damn they have a weird way of thinking
|
nta but do not pay those 8k. that's their debt, not yours unless you sign something.
if you give in with this, they'll know your boundaries can easily be trampled over with no consequences and this will not be the last time
|
so your parents gifted you a car, then took the car away for no good cause, and now insist on getting you a new car that you don’t want or need and are forcing you to pay an amount that suits them, because of reasons? holy friggin hell, run away and fast. they’re basically looking for something to hold over your head and they’re doing a very poor job of even hiding it.
are they always this manipulative or only with money?
also, nta.
|
nta is the car titled in your name or your parents? if it is in your parents name i wouldn’t be inclined to pay them anything.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.024 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so for context, my (19f) parents got me a really nice car when i turned 15. they said it was a gift for my birthday, that they wanted me to have the best of the best, and the car was priced around $35000. i was extremely appreciative, but as i was homeschooled and through covid, i didn't really have many places to go throughout the past two years, so they decided to sell the car when we moved states (but they only got around $24000 back from what they originally spent). i wasn't all too happy, since this was a great gift from my previous years, but they said that it was theirs to do with what they wanted. this year, even though i'm a full-time student, my mom has been insisting that i get a full-time job in order to become more self-sufficient, and that i need to know what responsibility feels like. so she told me i needed to buy a car, and they would put in the $24000 that they got back from my old car. i picked out a car priced around $28000, so i'd only have to owe them around $4000, but my dad decided to get me another car, priced at $32000. this was not a car that i picked out, but he 'surprised' me with it, and he himself stated that he would only make me pay for what i was originally going to buy the $28000 car for. fast forward to now, my mom is still under the impression that i should want to pay them the $8000 that they're owed for the car my dad picked out. and this has been a rocky topic, since i don't think it's fair that i was under the impression that they would forgive half the payment and i didn't want this upgraded car to begin with. my mom didn't get me anything this year, other than this and a $15 accessory for the car, and says that i should be 'grateful that i got a car this christmas'. even though i really don't feel like it's much of a present. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so for context, my (19f) parents got me a really nice car when i turned 15. they said it was a gift for my birthday, that they wanted me to have the best of the best, and the car was priced around $35000. i was extremely appreciative, but as i was homeschooled and through covid, i didn't really have many places to go throughout the past two years, so they decided to sell the car when we moved states (but they only got around $24000 back from what they originally spent). i wasn't all too happy, since this was a great gift from my previous years, but they said that it was theirs to do with what they wanted. this year, even though i'm a full-time student, my mom has been insisting that i get a full-time job in order to become more self-sufficient, and that i need to know what responsibility feels like. so she told me i needed to buy a car, and they would put in the $24000 that they got back from my old car. i picked out a car priced around $28000, so i'd only have to owe them around $4000, but my dad decided to get me another car, priced at $32000. this was not a car that i picked out, but he 'surprised' me with it, and he himself stated that he would only make me pay for what i was originally going to buy the $28000 car for. fast forward to now, my mom is still under the impression that i should want to pay them the $8000 that they're owed for the car my dad picked out. and this has been a rocky topic, since i don't think it's fair that i was under the impression that they would forgive half the payment and i didn't want this upgraded car to begin with. my mom didn't get me anything this year, other than this and a $15 accessory for the car, and says that i should be 'grateful that i got a car this christmas'. even though i really don't feel like it's much of a present. aita? [/INST] nta - you never agreed to being $8000 in debt and sounds like you would have been appreciative of the $28,000 car. that's their bad, not yours. </s>
|
AITA for not letting this mom send her younger son to my son's birthday party?
|
my son (10) made a pretty good friend (10) within the last schoolyear. they are pretty inseparable and do everything together. i would arrange playdates for the mom, saying i’d pick both boys up from school and when i’d get there, i’d find out the mom had also made me responsible to pick up the boy’s younger brother (5) too. she says that his feelings get hurt if he also doesn’t have a playdate. when the little boy comes over, my son and his friend tire of him quickly. they don’t want him to play with them and while i try to encourage group play, it’s just a lot on them. they want to play with different things with him. typically, the little boy ends up following me or my older daughter around.
this happened quite a few times throughout the school year. i thought it might stop in the summer, but when i went to pick up the 10-year-old, the 5-year-old was ready to go too and how could i say no to him, when he was all ready? he’s just a kid and it’s not his fault his mom is doing this.
if i try to talk to the mom, she just says that the little brother gets insanely jealous and that he loves coming to my house. my son overall doesn’t mind him coming, so long as he stays out of my hair and i can manage it.
now, my son is having his 11th birthday party. he’s having a simple birthday sleepover with a few friends, including the older brother of this 5-year-old. i talked to the mom and said that it was just for the “big boys”, and please don’t tell the 5-year-old he could come. i’d be too busy that night to play buffer. she got really offended and tried to say they were a packaged deal. i gently explained that it couldn’t continue. she finally relented, but said that her son was going to be very hurt.
am i being an ass here? i feel bad, but i feel she’s the only setting her son up for failure here. (not why i said he couldn’t come, my son doesn’t want him there and i just don’t have to watch him.)
| 8,560 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ck2aju/aita_for_not_letting_this_mom_send_her_younger/
|
2019-07-31 02:45:05
|
nta. you were polite about it and held your ground. sounds like she just was trying to get a free babysitter out of this situation tbh
|
nta, she's clearly manipulating you into i guess free babysitting? if you take one kid that doesn't give her free time, but both? free babysitter
|
nta.
besides the fact that children are widely different at those ages, it’s not her place to force her oldest son to share his social life with his younger brother. let alone the damage this can do to the younger son.
|
nta. she is using you for free daycare. it's nice that the 5 year-old likes your house. it is also not your problem. it is her job to help her son manage any feelings he has about not being included in big brother's friend group. make it clear to the mom that, unless specifically stated otherwise, all invitations that her older son receives from your household are for the older boy only. be very firm about holding this boundary with her. children are a package deal for the parents that made them, not for the families of their children's friends.
|
i'm really sorry that the kid your son became best friends with has a bad mother. this is really awkward for you and i feel bad for you. the mother needs to understand that just because the little brother isn't happy doesn't mean he gets whatever he wants. you should not let the little brother attend the party and if things blow up and there is drama just understand that it's the other mother's behaviour destroying the kid's friendship, not yours (with this type of person i predict she's going to try and guilt trip you when you stand up for yourself).
nta.
|
nta
sounds like lazy parenting. if the little one gets jealous she needs to explain to him that his brother gets some alone time with friends, that brothers do not always get the same thing/sometimes he gets things his brother doesn't, and arrange something else for him to look forward to.
also sending a 5 year old to a sleepover party just seems like a recipe for disaster.
|
nta
at some point the 5 year old is going to need to learn that he and his brother have separate lives, and they absolutely do not come as a package deal. having a tag-along 5 year old at every event is too much.
|
nta she literally needs to be fostering play dates for the 5 year old with kids his age instead of making him someone else's responsibility to entertain.
|
nta, plain and simple. she's using you as a baby sitting service, even though from what i see you are clearly are not.
|
nta.
i get that you feel bad for the younger kid because his mom is the one making this situation difficult but you absolutely have no obligation to this woman to provide what amounts to free child care. if he becomes insanely jealous as a result, it is her responsibility to actually parent him through the disappointment.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my son (10) made a pretty good friend (10) within the last schoolyear. they are pretty inseparable and do everything together. i would arrange playdates for the mom, saying i’d pick both boys up from school and when i’d get there, i’d find out the mom had also made me responsible to pick up the boy’s younger brother (5) too. she says that his feelings get hurt if he also doesn’t have a playdate. when the little boy comes over, my son and his friend tire of him quickly. they don’t want him to play with them and while i try to encourage group play, it’s just a lot on them. they want to play with different things with him. typically, the little boy ends up following me or my older daughter around. this happened quite a few times throughout the school year. i thought it might stop in the summer, but when i went to pick up the 10-year-old, the 5-year-old was ready to go too and how could i say no to him, when he was all ready? he’s just a kid and it’s not his fault his mom is doing this. if i try to talk to the mom, she just says that the little brother gets insanely jealous and that he loves coming to my house. my son overall doesn’t mind him coming, so long as he stays out of my hair and i can manage it. now, my son is having his 11th birthday party. he’s having a simple birthday sleepover with a few friends, including the older brother of this 5-year-old. i talked to the mom and said that it was just for the “big boys”, and please don’t tell the 5-year-old he could come. i’d be too busy that night to play buffer. she got really offended and tried to say they were a packaged deal. i gently explained that it couldn’t continue. she finally relented, but said that her son was going to be very hurt. am i being an ass here? i feel bad, but i feel she’s the only setting her son up for failure here. (not why i said he couldn’t come, my son doesn’t want him there and i just don’t have to watch him.)
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my son (10) made a pretty good friend (10) within the last schoolyear. they are pretty inseparable and do everything together. i would arrange playdates for the mom, saying i’d pick both boys up from school and when i’d get there, i’d find out the mom had also made me responsible to pick up the boy’s younger brother (5) too. she says that his feelings get hurt if he also doesn’t have a playdate. when the little boy comes over, my son and his friend tire of him quickly. they don’t want him to play with them and while i try to encourage group play, it’s just a lot on them. they want to play with different things with him. typically, the little boy ends up following me or my older daughter around. this happened quite a few times throughout the school year. i thought it might stop in the summer, but when i went to pick up the 10-year-old, the 5-year-old was ready to go too and how could i say no to him, when he was all ready? he’s just a kid and it’s not his fault his mom is doing this. if i try to talk to the mom, she just says that the little brother gets insanely jealous and that he loves coming to my house. my son overall doesn’t mind him coming, so long as he stays out of my hair and i can manage it. now, my son is having his 11th birthday party. he’s having a simple birthday sleepover with a few friends, including the older brother of this 5-year-old. i talked to the mom and said that it was just for the “big boys”, and please don’t tell the 5-year-old he could come. i’d be too busy that night to play buffer. she got really offended and tried to say they were a packaged deal. i gently explained that it couldn’t continue. she finally relented, but said that her son was going to be very hurt. am i being an ass here? i feel bad, but i feel she’s the only setting her son up for failure here. (not why i said he couldn’t come, my son doesn’t want him there and i just don’t have to watch him.) [/INST] nta. you were polite about it and held your ground. sounds like she just was trying to get a free babysitter out of this situation tbh </s>
|
AITA for telling my teacher about my medical condition?
|
for context, i’m 18f in senior year, i have a condition where my reproductive system is tilted back extremely far, it causes a lot of issues for me, the primary one being frequent uti’s that are caused very easily (such as having to hold it for too long, sex, eating a lot of spicy food, etc.). this also means that a lot of the time, either i don’t need to pee or i need to go right then otherwise i’m in extreme discomfort and could get a uti.
now onto the story, i got to class after lunch a little early so i could put my books down and use the bathroom in the building, but when i walk in my teacher is already waiting (we’ll call her ms t), i tell her that i’m gonna go to the bathroom before the rest of the class gets there, she tells me that i should of gone at lunch and to sit down. frankly, ms t is insufferable at the best of times, but especially when you disagree with her, so i just sit down and figure that i’ll ask her again in about 10 minutes because it wasn’t that bad yet.
keep in mind, ms t knows about my condition, i’ve had her for a class almost every school year since i was 13 (this developed when i was 14-15).
i get distracted by my work and about a half hour goes by when it starts getting unbearable. i ask again and she stops the whole class to lecture us about how we should go before class, the class turns and looks at me once she’s done and i just feel mortified. she says that unless we have a medical condition, we should be able to hold it.
she then tells me to go, but she doesn’t want to hear me ask to use the bathroom again in her class because i’m not a child. lo and behold, it feels like i’m pissing razor blades and my bladder is aching for the rest of the day.
i ask to talk to her after class and tell her that i do have a medical condition, and that we’ve discussed this before, i figured she had just forgotten. she rolls her eyes and asks what that would be, so i tell her, warning that it’s a little personal beforehand, but i’m open about it.
ms t stops me mid sentence and says that she didn’t need to hear about that and that i’ve violated her. she said that she not my doctor and doesn’t need do know about my bathroom habits.
i got an email from my student coordinator asking to have a meeting with me, apparently i made ms t extremely uncomfortable and i owe her an apology. i’m going to apologise to her in class today, to keep the peace if nothing else, but im not too sure what i did wrong, she did directly ask me.
reddit, aita?
| 6,164 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uygktq/aita_for_telling_my_teacher_about_my_medical/
|
2022-05-26 20:21:20
|
nta. i would talk with the principal and take this to the school board.
|
i would not apologize, she said, “unless you have a medical condition”. a lady who doesn’t understand what a uti is and how it can be harmful is just trying to play the victim bc she knows she messed up. sorry, keeping the peace doesn’t exist anymore after she humiliated you in front of the class.
edit***finishing my thought in the last sentence.
|
nta. high school is so stupid like this. you can walk out of college classes and work meetings to pee, high school should be no different.
|
nta. "i apologize ms. t, for trying to use the bathroom before class, at which time you stopped me. i also apologize that i have a medical condition, for which you are putting me in danger of an infection by making me ignore. i promise not to ask you anymore and just go to the bathroom when needed, your permission or not."
|
nta!!!! you have a medical condition! do not apologize, when you go to the meeting explain in detail about your condition and the pain you were caused by not being allowed to go promptly, tell them you were humiliated by this teacher in front of the class and she should giving you an apology. bring a letter from your doctor and any documentation you may have about your condition, how long you have known, and when you first informed this teacher.
if she wants to say you made her uncomfortable, then truly make her uncomfortable by shoving as much information you can in her face.
|
nta. and make sure an impartial third or fourth party sits in on this meeting. she has no right limiting bathroom breaks, chastising you for using the bathroom or gas lighting you because she wanted clarification and didn’t like what she heard. you don’t owe her an apology but you do owe her the time to tell her just how inconsiderate her behavior has been especially since she’s had you as a student for more than a long enough period of time.
she asked. you answered. period.
|
nta - op, are you in the us? if so, you should get a 504 plan for “other health condition” that makes it so that you no longer have to ask for these accommodations- they are given to you and your teachers must follow them. if not in the us, please look and see if there are any similar special education laws as it pertains to medical conditions. let the student coordinator know that ms t not only made you (and your urinary tract system) incredibly uncomfortable, but she knowingly contributed to your health condition flare up and she owes you an apology. send it in writing.
|
nta. turn the meeting around on them.
“i really appreciate you taking the time to discuss how ms. t completely disregarded my medical exemptions [or iep if you have that or whatever documentation is filed with the school] by preventing me from using the restroom when i needed to go, thereby exacerbating my medical issues. i’d love to discuss what kind of action plan we can put into place so this does not happen again.”
also i would look into getting legal representation, especially if the administration is anything like ms. t.
|
nta talk to your parents /tutors and get someone above her involved right now. she's bullying you and playing victim. you don't owe her shit, she does
|
nta. she asked you, and you told her. not fair of her to get upset - please stick to your guns and stand up for yourself when you meet with the student coordinator. also, maybe ask one or two of your classmates to vouch for you when you explain if you can.
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for context, i’m 18f in senior year, i have a condition where my reproductive system is tilted back extremely far, it causes a lot of issues for me, the primary one being frequent uti’s that are caused very easily (such as having to hold it for too long, sex, eating a lot of spicy food, etc.). this also means that a lot of the time, either i don’t need to pee or i need to go right then otherwise i’m in extreme discomfort and could get a uti. now onto the story, i got to class after lunch a little early so i could put my books down and use the bathroom in the building, but when i walk in my teacher is already waiting (we’ll call her ms t), i tell her that i’m gonna go to the bathroom before the rest of the class gets there, she tells me that i should of gone at lunch and to sit down. frankly, ms t is insufferable at the best of times, but especially when you disagree with her, so i just sit down and figure that i’ll ask her again in about 10 minutes because it wasn’t that bad yet. keep in mind, ms t knows about my condition, i’ve had her for a class almost every school year since i was 13 (this developed when i was 14-15). i get distracted by my work and about a half hour goes by when it starts getting unbearable. i ask again and she stops the whole class to lecture us about how we should go before class, the class turns and looks at me once she’s done and i just feel mortified. she says that unless we have a medical condition, we should be able to hold it. she then tells me to go, but she doesn’t want to hear me ask to use the bathroom again in her class because i’m not a child. lo and behold, it feels like i’m pissing razor blades and my bladder is aching for the rest of the day. i ask to talk to her after class and tell her that i do have a medical condition, and that we’ve discussed this before, i figured she had just forgotten. she rolls her eyes and asks what that would be, so i tell her, warning that it’s a little personal beforehand, but i’m open about it. ms t stops me mid sentence and says that she didn’t need to hear about that and that i’ve violated her. she said that she not my doctor and doesn’t need do know about my bathroom habits. i got an email from my student coordinator asking to have a meeting with me, apparently i made ms t extremely uncomfortable and i owe her an apology. i’m going to apologise to her in class today, to keep the peace if nothing else, but im not too sure what i did wrong, she did directly ask me. reddit, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for context, i’m 18f in senior year, i have a condition where my reproductive system is tilted back extremely far, it causes a lot of issues for me, the primary one being frequent uti’s that are caused very easily (such as having to hold it for too long, sex, eating a lot of spicy food, etc.). this also means that a lot of the time, either i don’t need to pee or i need to go right then otherwise i’m in extreme discomfort and could get a uti. now onto the story, i got to class after lunch a little early so i could put my books down and use the bathroom in the building, but when i walk in my teacher is already waiting (we’ll call her ms t), i tell her that i’m gonna go to the bathroom before the rest of the class gets there, she tells me that i should of gone at lunch and to sit down. frankly, ms t is insufferable at the best of times, but especially when you disagree with her, so i just sit down and figure that i’ll ask her again in about 10 minutes because it wasn’t that bad yet. keep in mind, ms t knows about my condition, i’ve had her for a class almost every school year since i was 13 (this developed when i was 14-15). i get distracted by my work and about a half hour goes by when it starts getting unbearable. i ask again and she stops the whole class to lecture us about how we should go before class, the class turns and looks at me once she’s done and i just feel mortified. she says that unless we have a medical condition, we should be able to hold it. she then tells me to go, but she doesn’t want to hear me ask to use the bathroom again in her class because i’m not a child. lo and behold, it feels like i’m pissing razor blades and my bladder is aching for the rest of the day. i ask to talk to her after class and tell her that i do have a medical condition, and that we’ve discussed this before, i figured she had just forgotten. she rolls her eyes and asks what that would be, so i tell her, warning that it’s a little personal beforehand, but i’m open about it. ms t stops me mid sentence and says that she didn’t need to hear about that and that i’ve violated her. she said that she not my doctor and doesn’t need do know about my bathroom habits. i got an email from my student coordinator asking to have a meeting with me, apparently i made ms t extremely uncomfortable and i owe her an apology. i’m going to apologise to her in class today, to keep the peace if nothing else, but im not too sure what i did wrong, she did directly ask me. reddit, aita? [/INST] nta. i would talk with the principal and take this to the school board. </s>
|
WIBTA if i got a tattoo against my friend her wishes?
|
me (25f) and jill (24f) have been friends since we were 6 years old. around 12 years ago we formed a friendgroup through a mutual sport we shared. one of those friends was paul (30m). he passed away very unexpectedly in late last year. so unexpectedly that the hospital had to do an autopsy and we’re still waiting for results. jill and paul have been in a relationship for the past 6 years and got engaged in 2021. the way i deal with loss or memorable life moments is by getting a tattoo. i got my grandfathers favorite bird tattooed on me after he passed away. i got other big life event related tattoo’s.
at paul’s funeral i received a specific type of flower to throw into his grave. i want to get this specific flower tattooed on my body with potentially his birth and death year as a way to keep him with me and keep remembering him. i want this on the inside of my upper arm. i talked to jill about this and asked if she would be okay with me getting a tattoo in his memory. she said she would be okay with it as long as it’s not on my arms, because she’s scared it would hurt her if she saw it. please note that she wouldn’t even know the tattoo was for him if i hadn’t asked her opinion and didn’t check with her first because it’s a flower. i have more floral tattoo’s with different meanings. i just thought it was the good thing to do to ask her beforehand than just do it and then have her ask what the tattoo means after i already got it. i also see jill about once every 3 months due to us all having different schedules. i also hide my arms in the summer due to wanting to cover scars. so chances she would get confronted with it ‘’constantly’’ are small. i personally just want the tattoo in a space that’s visual for myself because that’s important to me. i hardly see the tattoo’s on my ankles so those also have no to less meaning.
would i be the asshole if i were to get it tattooed on my arm either way? or should i give her say over what i do with my body?
| 631 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s32m2l/wibta_if_i_got_a_tattoo_against_my_friend_her/
|
2022-01-13 15:57:08
|
yta because you made a point in asking if she would be ok with it and when she said that she would only be ok with it if you got it someplace less visible, you just want to ignore it. don't bother asking if you're not going to respect the answer.
|
yta you asked her and she told you what she thought about it and now because it wasn't what you wanted to hear, you want to discard what she said.
i am very sorry for the loss of your friend.
|
info: why did you ask her if it was okay if you intended on getting it anyway?
|
yta why even tell her then? asking someone for their blessing with the intend to ignore it anyways is shitty.
especially now she knows, so it will definitely trigger her.
since your friend was engaged to him and asked you not to, it would be kinda weird if you do it still.
|
soft ywbta (because you lost someone) you asked and she answered and added her comfort level. if you’re making up excuses, “oh i don’t see her often” and “oh i cover up my arms” then you already knew what you were going to do.
|
yta for asking her when you don’t really give a damn what she thinks and are doing what you please anyway.
|
info: why did you bother asking her if you were just going to do it anyway?
|
i’d say yes, you would be ta, you asked for her opinion on the matter and because her opinion is against what you want you’re considering it doing anyway. what was the point of asking her in the first place?
|
you should never ask a question, unless you're prepared to deal with the answer.
normally, i'd say your body, your choice. but you choose to give her that choice. and she made it. in my opinion, you'd be a bad friend to gp through with it. so a gentle, yta, but not yet.
|
ywbta
you say she wouldnt know if you hadnt told her, but the fact is, you did tell her, and she will know when she sees it.
you say you only see her about every 3 months, but that still is pretty often to be reminded of the loss of someone you love. not to mention, that reminder is going to become associated with you since its on you, so it would probably put a damper on whatever relationship you have with her—if you have any relationship at all after you ignored the one request she had about this.
and you say your arms are usually covered, but since you two have been friends for so long, i somehow doubt the location would be that much of a concern for her if she knew that, so clearly she sees your arms enough.
and the fact is, you are the one who asked her if she was okay with it. why would you ask her if you werent going to listen to what she said? if she had come to you with this concern unprompted, maybe i would have a different judgement. but asking for her okay and ignoring the one thing she asked of you if you did it is not very cool.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.02053 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me (25f) and jill (24f) have been friends since we were 6 years old. around 12 years ago we formed a friendgroup through a mutual sport we shared. one of those friends was paul (30m). he passed away very unexpectedly in late last year. so unexpectedly that the hospital had to do an autopsy and we’re still waiting for results. jill and paul have been in a relationship for the past 6 years and got engaged in 2021. the way i deal with loss or memorable life moments is by getting a tattoo. i got my grandfathers favorite bird tattooed on me after he passed away. i got other big life event related tattoo’s. at paul’s funeral i received a specific type of flower to throw into his grave. i want to get this specific flower tattooed on my body with potentially his birth and death year as a way to keep him with me and keep remembering him. i want this on the inside of my upper arm. i talked to jill about this and asked if she would be okay with me getting a tattoo in his memory. she said she would be okay with it as long as it’s not on my arms, because she’s scared it would hurt her if she saw it. please note that she wouldn’t even know the tattoo was for him if i hadn’t asked her opinion and didn’t check with her first because it’s a flower. i have more floral tattoo’s with different meanings. i just thought it was the good thing to do to ask her beforehand than just do it and then have her ask what the tattoo means after i already got it. i also see jill about once every 3 months due to us all having different schedules. i also hide my arms in the summer due to wanting to cover scars. so chances she would get confronted with it ‘’constantly’’ are small. i personally just want the tattoo in a space that’s visual for myself because that’s important to me. i hardly see the tattoo’s on my ankles so those also have no to less meaning. would i be the asshole if i were to get it tattooed on my arm either way? or should i give her say over what i do with my body?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me (25f) and jill (24f) have been friends since we were 6 years old. around 12 years ago we formed a friendgroup through a mutual sport we shared. one of those friends was paul (30m). he passed away very unexpectedly in late last year. so unexpectedly that the hospital had to do an autopsy and we’re still waiting for results. jill and paul have been in a relationship for the past 6 years and got engaged in 2021. the way i deal with loss or memorable life moments is by getting a tattoo. i got my grandfathers favorite bird tattooed on me after he passed away. i got other big life event related tattoo’s. at paul’s funeral i received a specific type of flower to throw into his grave. i want to get this specific flower tattooed on my body with potentially his birth and death year as a way to keep him with me and keep remembering him. i want this on the inside of my upper arm. i talked to jill about this and asked if she would be okay with me getting a tattoo in his memory. she said she would be okay with it as long as it’s not on my arms, because she’s scared it would hurt her if she saw it. please note that she wouldn’t even know the tattoo was for him if i hadn’t asked her opinion and didn’t check with her first because it’s a flower. i have more floral tattoo’s with different meanings. i just thought it was the good thing to do to ask her beforehand than just do it and then have her ask what the tattoo means after i already got it. i also see jill about once every 3 months due to us all having different schedules. i also hide my arms in the summer due to wanting to cover scars. so chances she would get confronted with it ‘’constantly’’ are small. i personally just want the tattoo in a space that’s visual for myself because that’s important to me. i hardly see the tattoo’s on my ankles so those also have no to less meaning. would i be the asshole if i were to get it tattooed on my arm either way? or should i give her say over what i do with my body? [/INST] yta because you made a point in asking if she would be ok with it and when she said that she would only be ok with it if you got it someplace less visible, you just want to ignore it. don't bother asking if you're not going to respect the answer. </s>
|
WIBTA If I don't lend my sister the last remaining of my savings so that she can deliver her baby?
|
hey guys, i feel so freaking guilty about this and i could use another point of view. (btw english is not my native language so sorry for any mistakes)
so long story short, because of covid-19 my family and i have are on the worst financial situation we've ever been in our entire lifes.
we all lost our jobs, and also had to cover several out of the blue expenses like burial services for an aunt that died of corona, so things are pretty tight right now. i have been able to do little odd jobs here and there (while job hunting) to cover my bills (i live by myself) meanwhile my pregnant sister has been plain struggling with her 3 kids and husband since the beginning of the crisis (both worked on hotels and their financial situation has never been outstanding and aisde from that's they now help their 3 kids with their online school situation).
here's the deal tho. my sister gives birth to her baby in 2 days, and unless she pays the remaining 1k that she owes to the hospital for her birth plan, they won't admit her to give birth. so, my whole family has been begging me nonstop 24/7 to give my sister the 1k that she so desperately needs for her birth. i obviously don't want to do that because the future is too uncertain atm, and i don't know how long will i be out of a stable income so the $1,008 bucks that i have on my bank account are the last sense of security i have left. however, i do feel way too bad for my sister as i am the only person she can turn into for money. my whole family is flat out broke, and her cards are maxed. my dad has been begging me to please help her out, and keeps telling me that he feels like a failure of a parent because he can't help her.
i have not been able to sleep or stop crying because i feel very bad about this situation, but i feel like this time i need to be a little selfish and look out for myself.
reddit, would i be the asshole if i don't give my sister the 1k she needs to give birth?
latest
| 1,083 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/guxt8b/wibta_if_i_dont_lend_my_sister_the_last_remaining/
|
2020-06-02 01:33:18
|
nta. it’s the last of your money. it’s all you have. i feel for your sister but you also have to look after yourself.
helping your sister would mean screwing yourself.
if you decide to help her at all, you can give her a much smaller amount, like 200-300 dollars. but look after yourself as much as you can. you never know what could happen to you tomorrow where you might need the $1000 yourself.
|
where do you live? are they allowed to turn away a woman giving birth?
|
nta
if your sister and her husband already have 3 kids, wtf are they doing having a 4th kid that they can't even afford to give birth to?!!?
seriously, there is a point in every adults life where they have to become adults and say no more children cause we can't afford the ones we already have.
no, you aren't the ah for not giving your sister the last of your money. no one in the family is going to come to your aid when you need your money back because they won't have it.
yeah its a terrible situation and so is having another kid that you can't afford.
|
i’m shocked by the lack of empathy in this post. i totally understand that you’re also struggling, but it doesn’t sound like the right time to snap back with a sassy comment about your sister affording the children she bears.
nah, because it’s your money and your choice. but i think a solution could be as simple as “hey sister, this is my last $1000 and i need to be paid back in two months. if you know that’s unreasonable then i can’t give it to you, if you agree let’s just get it in writing because i will only have $8 after this.”
it’s obviously not your fault that they’re in this situation, and it doesn’t sound like it’s theirs either. having a baby is expensive. try and be more mysterious about your finances in the future.
|
btw guys this is not in the usa. this is in a private hospital in a south american country.
|
you guys are all being ridiculous in this thread so far.
ywbta. in an emergency situation, with a global pandemic, you have the opportunity to ensure that your sister can deliver her baby safely. without your help, she can't. it sucks that that bit of money is the entirety of your safety net, but taking care of your family in an emergency situation is the sort of thing that a safety net is for.
everybody is suffering. putting your peace of mind above the safety of your soon-to-be neice or nephew and your sister is a terrible decision, and one that i expect will cost you heavily in the relationship with the rest of your family.
no, i have no fucking clue what you'll do after giving her the money. yes, i feel bad for you and your family in this situation. i sincerely hope you're all able to resolve this and get through it. but what you're about to do is, essentially, opting to ride out the emergency alone and leave your family behind. i don't think you'll feel good making that decision in the long term.
|
your sisters life could be in jeopardy if she doesn’t deliver someplace where she can get extra help if needed. maternal mortality rates go up exponentially when not in a hospital or with a trained midwife.
so. is your savings worth your sisters life? that’s the biggest question. i think you know the answer so i’m not going to make a judgement call because i believe you’ll do the right thing.
|
info: if you don’t give your sister the money, when and where would she have to deliver the baby?
|
the punishment for lack of financial planning should not be unsafe birthing conditions. it doesn't matter if it's her fault for not planning well enough. when you can help you do- that's what humans are supposed to do. like if i saw you on the side of the road, due to a car crash and i didn't help, i would be partially responsible for your death or injury- even if i didn't cause the car crash.
|
nah - it's not your job to give up your savings, especially when you're in such a tight, tight spot. would it be nice of you? absolutely, yeah. your family might get mad and upset, but if you really can't afford to help, that's not your fault.
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NAH
| null |
YTA
| null |
INFO
| null |
NAH
| 0.305415 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hey guys, i feel so freaking guilty about this and i could use another point of view. (btw english is not my native language so sorry for any mistakes) so long story short, because of covid-19 my family and i have are on the worst financial situation we've ever been in our entire lifes. we all lost our jobs, and also had to cover several out of the blue expenses like burial services for an aunt that died of corona, so things are pretty tight right now. i have been able to do little odd jobs here and there (while job hunting) to cover my bills (i live by myself) meanwhile my pregnant sister has been plain struggling with her 3 kids and husband since the beginning of the crisis (both worked on hotels and their financial situation has never been outstanding and aisde from that's they now help their 3 kids with their online school situation). here's the deal tho. my sister gives birth to her baby in 2 days, and unless she pays the remaining 1k that she owes to the hospital for her birth plan, they won't admit her to give birth. so, my whole family has been begging me nonstop 24/7 to give my sister the 1k that she so desperately needs for her birth. i obviously don't want to do that because the future is too uncertain atm, and i don't know how long will i be out of a stable income so the $1,008 bucks that i have on my bank account are the last sense of security i have left. however, i do feel way too bad for my sister as i am the only person she can turn into for money. my whole family is flat out broke, and her cards are maxed. my dad has been begging me to please help her out, and keeps telling me that he feels like a failure of a parent because he can't help her. i have not been able to sleep or stop crying because i feel very bad about this situation, but i feel like this time i need to be a little selfish and look out for myself. reddit, would i be the asshole if i don't give my sister the 1k she needs to give birth? latest
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hey guys, i feel so freaking guilty about this and i could use another point of view. (btw english is not my native language so sorry for any mistakes) so long story short, because of covid-19 my family and i have are on the worst financial situation we've ever been in our entire lifes. we all lost our jobs, and also had to cover several out of the blue expenses like burial services for an aunt that died of corona, so things are pretty tight right now. i have been able to do little odd jobs here and there (while job hunting) to cover my bills (i live by myself) meanwhile my pregnant sister has been plain struggling with her 3 kids and husband since the beginning of the crisis (both worked on hotels and their financial situation has never been outstanding and aisde from that's they now help their 3 kids with their online school situation). here's the deal tho. my sister gives birth to her baby in 2 days, and unless she pays the remaining 1k that she owes to the hospital for her birth plan, they won't admit her to give birth. so, my whole family has been begging me nonstop 24/7 to give my sister the 1k that she so desperately needs for her birth. i obviously don't want to do that because the future is too uncertain atm, and i don't know how long will i be out of a stable income so the $1,008 bucks that i have on my bank account are the last sense of security i have left. however, i do feel way too bad for my sister as i am the only person she can turn into for money. my whole family is flat out broke, and her cards are maxed. my dad has been begging me to please help her out, and keeps telling me that he feels like a failure of a parent because he can't help her. i have not been able to sleep or stop crying because i feel very bad about this situation, but i feel like this time i need to be a little selfish and look out for myself. reddit, would i be the asshole if i don't give my sister the 1k she needs to give birth? latest [/INST] nta. it’s the last of your money. it’s all you have. i feel for your sister but you also have to look after yourself. helping your sister would mean screwing yourself. if you decide to help her at all, you can give her a much smaller amount, like 200-300 dollars. but look after yourself as much as you can. you never know what could happen to you tomorrow where you might need the $1000 yourself. </s>
|
AITA for refusing a Christmas gift?
|
my brother has a long history of negative behavior towards me and my family. i endured a childhood of trauma because of him. there are times when he has tried to do better, and can be quite charming and generous when the mood lets him. i am uncertain if he was trying to reform or just was pretending to get back in our good graces. but inevitably his behavior changes back to his abusive ways. he can be quite charismatic when he wants, so when he asks for money or a favor, people are quite easily convinced by him. and if he does not get his way, he will bring up that one nice thing he recently did for you to guilt you into helping. and failing that, he will get aggressive and threatening. or he will just out and steal what he wants. for this reason, i have long since learned to keep him at a distance. i do not communicate or interact with him outside of family functions. i make sure he does not have my phone number and he is not allowed to know where i live. if he is in the same building with me i make sure to keep my wallet with me at all times and not leave it in my jacket pocket. i am very protective of my family and am constantly warning them to keep him at arm's length, and all too often they let him back in because "he said he has changed" and "we need to give him another chance," only to have him steal from them or manipulate them again.
at christmas, we had a family get together, and my brother got everyone of us really nice gifts. it appears he put a lot of effort into them, and a lot of them were personalized to what each person would like. as i said, he can be quite charming and generous when the mood lets him. he purchased me a beautiful sci fi poster. but like so many times before, i realized that his gifts often come with a cost. perhaps this time he was truly being generous, but it would not stop him from contacting me a few months down the road an use it to try to guilt me into lending him money which i would never get back. he handed me the gift and said "merry christmas," and i handed it back to him with a polite smile and said "i appreciate the thought, but no thank you." honestly, he first look confused and then a little hurt and i definitely hurt his fellings. he tried to give it to me again and again i declined, telling him "i do not want it." anyway, shortly after this, he left without saying goodbye to anyone. at the end of the night as we were all leaving, my sister came to me and said i forgot my gift, he had apparently left it behind. i told her that it was not mine, she can do whatever she wanted with it and she decided to keep it herself. there was no big blow up, although later a few of my family members said i should have just taken the gift gracefully.
aita for refusing a christmas gift?
| 175 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kou3f3/aita_for_refusing_a_christmas_gift/
|
2021-01-02 08:38:37
|
nta, i wouldn’t ever accept gifts from someone if i knew it typically came with a catch. he hasn’t proved yet that this isn’t the case, trust is earned etc. you weren’t rude, didn’t cause a scene.
it’s very well within reason to be guarded and trust your gut in these situations.
|
i'm curious why you don't set boundaries when he does something inappropriate, rather than in anticipation of something inappropriate? like if you take the gift and then he calls you in a month asking for money you can say "i'm not able to lend you money, i won't discuss this further" and hang up if necessary. you're not obligated to take the gift but it seems like you could set boundaries when these things actually occur instead of assuming they will. if he has a history of crossing boundaries i don't think refusing his gift is going to stop him from trying to get things from you in the future.
nta
|
nta. people can and do change, but with that kind of history you can't just accept somebody else's word that "they changed." if someone like that wants to be accepted back into your life they should start off by apologizing for their past actions. that's just the start though. they need to continue to live a decent life for however long until you deem they actually have changed. even if that is 1, 2,3 or 10 years.
|
info have you told him before that you won't be exchanging gifts with him? or was this the first he'd heard of you not wanting gifts from him?
|
nta.
this idea that we should always accept gifts unquestioningly with a thankful heart is wrong. it sometimes applies even to well-intentioned gifts from nice people.
your case is easier because of whom it’s coming from. don’t disregard years of experience and knowledge to be pressured to accept his gifts.
|
with the fact that you have to keep your wallet and other thing with you when he is around, plus the facts that you don't what your personal info getting to him, going nta. i have family members like this and well anything that could have a string attached to it does. only one out of a few have really tried to change.
|
nta. this wasn't handled in the most graceful way, but gifts should be given and received freely. just as you don't have a right to a present, he doesn't have a right to your acceptance. though it would have been more polite and graceful to tell him in advance that you don't want any further gifts from him rather than rejecting it in the moment.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0.036878 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother has a long history of negative behavior towards me and my family. i endured a childhood of trauma because of him. there are times when he has tried to do better, and can be quite charming and generous when the mood lets him. i am uncertain if he was trying to reform or just was pretending to get back in our good graces. but inevitably his behavior changes back to his abusive ways. he can be quite charismatic when he wants, so when he asks for money or a favor, people are quite easily convinced by him. and if he does not get his way, he will bring up that one nice thing he recently did for you to guilt you into helping. and failing that, he will get aggressive and threatening. or he will just out and steal what he wants. for this reason, i have long since learned to keep him at a distance. i do not communicate or interact with him outside of family functions. i make sure he does not have my phone number and he is not allowed to know where i live. if he is in the same building with me i make sure to keep my wallet with me at all times and not leave it in my jacket pocket. i am very protective of my family and am constantly warning them to keep him at arm's length, and all too often they let him back in because "he said he has changed" and "we need to give him another chance," only to have him steal from them or manipulate them again. at christmas, we had a family get together, and my brother got everyone of us really nice gifts. it appears he put a lot of effort into them, and a lot of them were personalized to what each person would like. as i said, he can be quite charming and generous when the mood lets him. he purchased me a beautiful sci fi poster. but like so many times before, i realized that his gifts often come with a cost. perhaps this time he was truly being generous, but it would not stop him from contacting me a few months down the road an use it to try to guilt me into lending him money which i would never get back. he handed me the gift and said "merry christmas," and i handed it back to him with a polite smile and said "i appreciate the thought, but no thank you." honestly, he first look confused and then a little hurt and i definitely hurt his fellings. he tried to give it to me again and again i declined, telling him "i do not want it." anyway, shortly after this, he left without saying goodbye to anyone. at the end of the night as we were all leaving, my sister came to me and said i forgot my gift, he had apparently left it behind. i told her that it was not mine, she can do whatever she wanted with it and she decided to keep it herself. there was no big blow up, although later a few of my family members said i should have just taken the gift gracefully. aita for refusing a christmas gift?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my brother has a long history of negative behavior towards me and my family. i endured a childhood of trauma because of him. there are times when he has tried to do better, and can be quite charming and generous when the mood lets him. i am uncertain if he was trying to reform or just was pretending to get back in our good graces. but inevitably his behavior changes back to his abusive ways. he can be quite charismatic when he wants, so when he asks for money or a favor, people are quite easily convinced by him. and if he does not get his way, he will bring up that one nice thing he recently did for you to guilt you into helping. and failing that, he will get aggressive and threatening. or he will just out and steal what he wants. for this reason, i have long since learned to keep him at a distance. i do not communicate or interact with him outside of family functions. i make sure he does not have my phone number and he is not allowed to know where i live. if he is in the same building with me i make sure to keep my wallet with me at all times and not leave it in my jacket pocket. i am very protective of my family and am constantly warning them to keep him at arm's length, and all too often they let him back in because "he said he has changed" and "we need to give him another chance," only to have him steal from them or manipulate them again. at christmas, we had a family get together, and my brother got everyone of us really nice gifts. it appears he put a lot of effort into them, and a lot of them were personalized to what each person would like. as i said, he can be quite charming and generous when the mood lets him. he purchased me a beautiful sci fi poster. but like so many times before, i realized that his gifts often come with a cost. perhaps this time he was truly being generous, but it would not stop him from contacting me a few months down the road an use it to try to guilt me into lending him money which i would never get back. he handed me the gift and said "merry christmas," and i handed it back to him with a polite smile and said "i appreciate the thought, but no thank you." honestly, he first look confused and then a little hurt and i definitely hurt his fellings. he tried to give it to me again and again i declined, telling him "i do not want it." anyway, shortly after this, he left without saying goodbye to anyone. at the end of the night as we were all leaving, my sister came to me and said i forgot my gift, he had apparently left it behind. i told her that it was not mine, she can do whatever she wanted with it and she decided to keep it herself. there was no big blow up, although later a few of my family members said i should have just taken the gift gracefully. aita for refusing a christmas gift? [/INST] nta, i wouldn’t ever accept gifts from someone if i knew it typically came with a catch. he hasn’t proved yet that this isn’t the case, trust is earned etc. you weren’t rude, didn’t cause a scene. it’s very well within reason to be guarded and trust your gut in these situations. </s>
|
AITA for having a “secret” tattoo?
|
background: i had a very tumultuous childhood due to my mother’s mental illness. at 15 my mother kicked me out for the last time because i chose to never come back. she begged, but i told her my reasons and she had no interest in fixing them. i got a job and my own place. i got my equivalency and put myself through college.
the issue: i am now in my late 20s and we still have a pretty awful relationship. a couple of years ago, before i went back to school, i got a tattoo of the number 15 on the back of my arm right below my elbow. i got it because i was exceedingly nervous to go to college and i wanted to have a reminder that i’m not that scared helpless 15 year old anymore, and that i have control over my life.
now, most people don’t ever notice the tattoo since it’s on the backside of my arm. hell, i even forget it’s there sometimes. but occasionally people notice it and will ask what it means. including my mother and some of her friends when i see them. i usually just say “it’s personal” and leave it at that. i get some weird looks for that response but usually people accept it and move on.
my mother and her friends do not. despite never discussing it with her, i know my mother knows what it means, it’s pretty obvious if you know our history (which her friends don’t because she’s a liar).
anyway: basically, my mom and her friends say that i’m an asshole because i got a tattoo that i’m not willing to discuss. i think they think i’m attention seeking with it or something? also, i think my mom finds it offensive because it’s a permanent representation of my shitty childhood which she is hellbent on erasing. i feel that it’s a very understated tattoo with an understated placement that i got as a visual reminder of my strength during a hard time in my life and that i don’t owe an explanation to anyone. so, aita?
| 3,290 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fxe9om/aita_for_having_a_secret_tattoo/
|
2020-04-08 20:33:37
|
nta. but honestly, op...if your mother is so upset about it, how about explaining to her pals what it means to you? i’m sure she’ll miss the old days of you keeping quiet about it.
|
nta. it’s your tattoo. you can discuss it if you want. plenty of people have personal tattoos and they’re dicks for not respecting your privacy.
|
nta. your mom very much so is.
|
nta. they’d be more pissed if you said the truth. you can’t win here. do what you want
|
nta. i have a tattoo of two witches riding one broom on my hip. it’s to represent my mother and me flying together, my mother died when i was seven but it was one of our little “things” that she always told me mummy was a witch, with witchy powers and one day when i was grown, i’d be a witch too.
if someone asks though and i don’t want to explain the whole dead mum thing i just say i like witches. you only need to explain your tattoos to people you want too.
|
nta, you're an adult, your body, your tattoo. tattoos dont exist for others to look at, they're your decision. you payed for it, you decide what to do with it
|
nta - tell her friends straight to their faces what the tattoo means and that will solve this problem. your mom should have to deal with what she did to you. period.
|
nta. your mother needs to take some responsibility for your tumultuous childhood and this tattoo should be a reminder of what an incredibly strong person you are to have gone out and looked after yourself at the age of 15.
honestly don't even question it, you've got this far in life when she abandoned you, and also... you're not obligated to have a relationship with her, just saying. some people are toxic and need cutting out of your life and if she's still behaving this way then she doesn't deserve you.
might sound harsh but i have experience with toxic family members and mental illness, which is not an excuse. if she has got over her mental illness then she should take responsibility or just be compassionate and try to understand what she caused you to go through.
look after yourself, your integrity is not in question here. and well done for pulling yourself through.
|
nta - she is trying to manipulate you emotionally and take away the power you gave yourself when you got that tattoo. her behavior has not really changed, has it? if she were hellbent on erasing what she did, part of that is giving the control back to you and feel loved and accepted.
i think i read a quote once that the opposite of hate is not love, it's apathy. if you let her bother you all these years later, it will be hard for you to move on. best wishes.
|
nta at all. you are an adult, any back story to a tattoo is yours to have and yours to share of you want to.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: background: i had a very tumultuous childhood due to my mother’s mental illness. at 15 my mother kicked me out for the last time because i chose to never come back. she begged, but i told her my reasons and she had no interest in fixing them. i got a job and my own place. i got my equivalency and put myself through college. the issue: i am now in my late 20s and we still have a pretty awful relationship. a couple of years ago, before i went back to school, i got a tattoo of the number 15 on the back of my arm right below my elbow. i got it because i was exceedingly nervous to go to college and i wanted to have a reminder that i’m not that scared helpless 15 year old anymore, and that i have control over my life. now, most people don’t ever notice the tattoo since it’s on the backside of my arm. hell, i even forget it’s there sometimes. but occasionally people notice it and will ask what it means. including my mother and some of her friends when i see them. i usually just say “it’s personal” and leave it at that. i get some weird looks for that response but usually people accept it and move on. my mother and her friends do not. despite never discussing it with her, i know my mother knows what it means, it’s pretty obvious if you know our history (which her friends don’t because she’s a liar). anyway: basically, my mom and her friends say that i’m an asshole because i got a tattoo that i’m not willing to discuss. i think they think i’m attention seeking with it or something? also, i think my mom finds it offensive because it’s a permanent representation of my shitty childhood which she is hellbent on erasing. i feel that it’s a very understated tattoo with an understated placement that i got as a visual reminder of my strength during a hard time in my life and that i don’t owe an explanation to anyone. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
background: i had a very tumultuous childhood due to my mother’s mental illness. at 15 my mother kicked me out for the last time because i chose to never come back. she begged, but i told her my reasons and she had no interest in fixing them. i got a job and my own place. i got my equivalency and put myself through college. the issue: i am now in my late 20s and we still have a pretty awful relationship. a couple of years ago, before i went back to school, i got a tattoo of the number 15 on the back of my arm right below my elbow. i got it because i was exceedingly nervous to go to college and i wanted to have a reminder that i’m not that scared helpless 15 year old anymore, and that i have control over my life. now, most people don’t ever notice the tattoo since it’s on the backside of my arm. hell, i even forget it’s there sometimes. but occasionally people notice it and will ask what it means. including my mother and some of her friends when i see them. i usually just say “it’s personal” and leave it at that. i get some weird looks for that response but usually people accept it and move on. my mother and her friends do not. despite never discussing it with her, i know my mother knows what it means, it’s pretty obvious if you know our history (which her friends don’t because she’s a liar). anyway: basically, my mom and her friends say that i’m an asshole because i got a tattoo that i’m not willing to discuss. i think they think i’m attention seeking with it or something? also, i think my mom finds it offensive because it’s a permanent representation of my shitty childhood which she is hellbent on erasing. i feel that it’s a very understated tattoo with an understated placement that i got as a visual reminder of my strength during a hard time in my life and that i don’t owe an explanation to anyone. so, aita? [/INST] nta. but honestly, op...if your mother is so upset about it, how about explaining to her pals what it means to you? i’m sure she’ll miss the old days of you keeping quiet about it. </s>
|
AITA For Telling My Mom I Hate My Stepdad?
|
i’m 18m and i live with my mom my stepdad and one of my stepsisters. my parents got divorced when i was little and since then i’ve bounced around a couple of different households with my mother. she’s always been there and been supportive. my mom and stepdad got together around when i was 12 and eventually moved in together around when i was 13.
my stepdad and i haven’t always had the closest relationship, we’re far from similar and often see differently on many topics. for example he would attempt to play catch with me when i was younger but i just wasn’t into baseball, small things. however this never translated into any problems until i was about 15. one day he picked me up from one of my friends house and out of nowhere said that he had something to get off his chest. he then proceeded to berate me with insults such as that i’m a selfish piece of shit and that i never help him around the house. he told me that if he didn’t know my mother he wouldn’t even bother speaking to me. i was very shy and unconfident at this age so i simply took it and said nothing.
from that day forward i never saw him the same, we would barely talk to each other and often it was awkward seeing him around the house. i couldn’t understand why he held such a disdain for me. well it didn’t stop there. one day i had a bright idea to throw a party at my house while my parents were gone. well they found out and as you could guess the reaction was less than pleasant. he told me he fucking hated me and that if he had his way i would be in a juvenile detention center.
after that incident the relationship went down the gutter , i developed a deep sense of resentment towards him, some things cannot be unheard. not once did he apologize for anything he ever said. my mom as supportive as she is doesn’t understand why we are so indifferent towards each other, so i finally told her everything. i told her that i don’t like him, that in fact i can’t wait to never see him again. she got very sad and pleaded with me to reconsider.
reddit aita?
| 796 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w6hlel/aita_for_telling_my_mom_i_hate_my_stepdad/
|
2022-07-23 23:44:12
|
nta. i will never understand people who marry people with children and then treat the children like garbage.
|
nta.
your stepdad has a lot of issues and i'm so sorry you went through that as a kid. it is completely inappropriate and disgusting for him to speak to you that way, and the way your mum has responded to being told it recently sounds like she isn't that surprised, which is also very sad for you.
i would ask your mum if she thinks your stepdad would've stayed with her if she had yelled at and treated his daughter how he yelled at and treats you.
|
nta. but i can't believe your mother doesn't know he does not like or even "hate" you as you said. i would sit with both of them and have the conversation about it. i don't know if can't get out the house for a couple of days to give them time to muster after the conversation but it's not fair to not feel welcome on your home.
|
op,
i hate to tell you that your mom isn't that supportive if she's woth someone who has said such awful things to her child.
|
christ, this one was hard to read. my heart goes out to you, op.
it sounds like a tension and disconnect developed between the two of you over time, going back to the beginning of your relationship. that isn’t necessarily on either one of you. even at the best of times and with the best of people, step parent and stepchild relationships are fraught with these kinds of weird dynamics that it’s very difficult to know how to navigate.
clearly, at some point he wound up feeling angry and resentful towards you. although taken in the context of the rest of your post i feel like this emotional response was probably largely down to him being messed up, i won’t even hold that against him. people don’t choose what emotions they feel.
the choice he did make, as an adult man who should have known better, and who should held himself to a higher standard, was to have a completely inappropriate meltdown on a child.
reading the things he said made me tear up and feel sick, imagining you at fifteen having to sit there and listen to that. saying those things to a fifteen year old kid was straight up emotional abuse. no excuse for that, no matter what you did, and based on your post you don’t mention doing anything that isn’t completely normal teenage behavior.
if i was trying to make the best case i could for your stepfathers side, i would say maybe that was a catastrophic lapse in judgement. but no. not only did he never apologize or take it back, and just allow you to feel awkward and unwelcome in your own house going forward, his reaction to you throwing a party - again, exactly the kind of thing you’d expect from a normal teenager - tells us beyond a doubt that what he said to you at fifteen accurately represents the “man” he really is.
you’re right to not want that ah in your life. if your mom is going to stay with him, the only way he should ever be a part of your life is if he takes responsibility for his appalling failure as a human being, and gives you reason to believe he truly has begun to take responsibility for his behavior and actions and emotions. but this is very unlikely at this point in his life. i think your best course of action, as you mentioned is to put as much distance between you and this failed human being as possible and come as close to never seeing him again as you can.
please, please, please don’t listen to people saying everyone sucks and it’s your fault too. nta, nta, nta.
good luck, op. you’re 18, and this situation is such a huge part of your world and life right now it’s hard to see past, but once you transition to independent adult life, you can put your stepfather so far behind you you can’t even see him in the rear view mirror.
|
nta but i would move out as soon as you can and go lc with your mom. just the fact that she basically defends him shows you that she’s not really as supportive of you as you think. actions speak louder than words. if you do see your mom, make sure it is without him or your stepsister. they are all assholes. as for the party, it’s normal teenage behavior.
|
nta what he said was hateful and unnecessary. if he had told you from the beginning that he knows you two are very different but he would be willing to find things you two could like to do together, i bet you guys would have a good relationship. but neither he nor your mom bothered to make the effort to make sure he was trying to bond with you. i’m sorry you’re going through this. i really think you should try and find a new home if possible because you deserve to live somewhere you feel safe and content.
|
nta
why is your mom still with a man who treats her kid like shit?
|
your mom moving you around from household to household and finally settling with a dude who abused you wasn’t “supportive”.
your mom letting this person tell you that he’d send you away the second he got the chance wasn’t “supportive”.
your mom being “supportive” wouldn’t have her begging her 18 year old son to reconsider his feelings…
nta. i’m sorry. hopefully your mom will see the light one day.
|
nta. as someone whose mother's second (ex)husband viewed me as a mild inconvenience and generally made my life miserable with his fucking rules, i feel you. nothing worse than having a stepparent imposed on you who has nothing but disdain for your existence. worse thing he ever said to me was that if my mother wants to hit me, i wasn't allowed to stop her. i told my father about this because the man doesn't bluff. that got me breathing space and taught me how to use his anger for my protection.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m 18m and i live with my mom my stepdad and one of my stepsisters. my parents got divorced when i was little and since then i’ve bounced around a couple of different households with my mother. she’s always been there and been supportive. my mom and stepdad got together around when i was 12 and eventually moved in together around when i was 13. my stepdad and i haven’t always had the closest relationship, we’re far from similar and often see differently on many topics. for example he would attempt to play catch with me when i was younger but i just wasn’t into baseball, small things. however this never translated into any problems until i was about 15. one day he picked me up from one of my friends house and out of nowhere said that he had something to get off his chest. he then proceeded to berate me with insults such as that i’m a selfish piece of shit and that i never help him around the house. he told me that if he didn’t know my mother he wouldn’t even bother speaking to me. i was very shy and unconfident at this age so i simply took it and said nothing. from that day forward i never saw him the same, we would barely talk to each other and often it was awkward seeing him around the house. i couldn’t understand why he held such a disdain for me. well it didn’t stop there. one day i had a bright idea to throw a party at my house while my parents were gone. well they found out and as you could guess the reaction was less than pleasant. he told me he fucking hated me and that if he had his way i would be in a juvenile detention center. after that incident the relationship went down the gutter , i developed a deep sense of resentment towards him, some things cannot be unheard. not once did he apologize for anything he ever said. my mom as supportive as she is doesn’t understand why we are so indifferent towards each other, so i finally told her everything. i told her that i don’t like him, that in fact i can’t wait to never see him again. she got very sad and pleaded with me to reconsider. reddit aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m 18m and i live with my mom my stepdad and one of my stepsisters. my parents got divorced when i was little and since then i’ve bounced around a couple of different households with my mother. she’s always been there and been supportive. my mom and stepdad got together around when i was 12 and eventually moved in together around when i was 13. my stepdad and i haven’t always had the closest relationship, we’re far from similar and often see differently on many topics. for example he would attempt to play catch with me when i was younger but i just wasn’t into baseball, small things. however this never translated into any problems until i was about 15. one day he picked me up from one of my friends house and out of nowhere said that he had something to get off his chest. he then proceeded to berate me with insults such as that i’m a selfish piece of shit and that i never help him around the house. he told me that if he didn’t know my mother he wouldn’t even bother speaking to me. i was very shy and unconfident at this age so i simply took it and said nothing. from that day forward i never saw him the same, we would barely talk to each other and often it was awkward seeing him around the house. i couldn’t understand why he held such a disdain for me. well it didn’t stop there. one day i had a bright idea to throw a party at my house while my parents were gone. well they found out and as you could guess the reaction was less than pleasant. he told me he fucking hated me and that if he had his way i would be in a juvenile detention center. after that incident the relationship went down the gutter , i developed a deep sense of resentment towards him, some things cannot be unheard. not once did he apologize for anything he ever said. my mom as supportive as she is doesn’t understand why we are so indifferent towards each other, so i finally told her everything. i told her that i don’t like him, that in fact i can’t wait to never see him again. she got very sad and pleaded with me to reconsider. reddit aita? [/INST] nta. i will never understand people who marry people with children and then treat the children like garbage. </s>
|
AITA for taking a shot at my professor?
|
i’ve never done anything to my professor ever. in a 8 week course i’ve never missed a class once, and we meet multiple times a week.
anyway i’m married and have a young son who has a medical issue.
basically let me explain the backstory first. i do not have a good relationship with this professor in general and don’t care for her. she doesn’t answer emails, answers a question with a question, isn’t helpful or understanding, hypocritical (you’ll see why in a minute).
i informed her a week ahead of time that i wouldn’t be attending class one day because no one is able to watch my son literally. usually my sister watches him or his grandparents. my sister had a doctors appointment that she can’t reschedule so she can’t.
i don’t trust him with not known to family babysitters, atleast not yet and would have to get used to it.
basically, i don’t like this professor. there is supplementary material that she was supposed to upload to blackboard and hasnt done it for weeks and has broken her promise to me multiple times.
anyway, i was talking about missing class because i would assume their would be a quiz. i could get the notes from someone but can’t do the quiz in class obviously.
she said too bad basically, and when i get in the real world i’ll have to be more professional. i tried to explain the situation, but to no avail. she said i couldn’t bring my son (ok). i said i would take it in the testing center a few hours later and she said no, no, no. i have to learn how to be professional.
so i didn’t really care, class is about to end since the course is accelerated. i said “yeah, i’m sure you know a ton about being a professional. taking weeks to grade assignments, not answering emails, breaking promises and going back on your word consistently, you’re the last person i’d want to get advice on being a professional from”
my husband said to be careful, she could be spiteful and mess with like my grade. i mean, why is she giving me a lecture about being a professional when she’s demonstrated she’s the furthest thing from one herself?
| 10,737 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dkcik7/aita_for_taking_a_shot_at_my_professor/
|
2019-10-20 00:50:32
|
nta and the teacher is the asshole for not understanding. but yeah be careful cause she can affect your grade.
|
there has to be a backstory. most professors of lower levels college classes literally do not give a shit as long as you have some sort of legitimate excuse about missing class.
|
esh - because she was such an asshole, you should have been the professional. i suggest you go to the dean of the department and seek advice.
|
info:
>and has broken her promise to me multiple times.
what are you referring to here? the supplementary materials, or something else?
further, how *exactly* did you approach your professor? what was your tone? and when you say...
>i said i would take it in the testing center a few hours later
did you *ask* if you could do this, or did you *tell* her you would do this? it's an important distinction.
|
yta. this is college. professors are not obligated to tailor the experience to your personal life. while i understand that kids can throw a monkey wrench in the best laid plans, that is not on her. quite honestly, your expectation that she bend the rules to cater you is really immature on your part.
|
info: what does the syllabus say about attendance and make up work? sorry, but most syllabi cover these things.
there’s an attitude dripping throughout your post—“basically” you don’t like your professor, you’ve “never” done anything to her, but you “told” her you would be making up the quiz. you absolutely sure you “haven’t done anything”?
|
esh. check your syllabus for missed classes and tests. if she has a policy of no make ups, no amount of arguing is going to benefit you. if nothing is in the syllabus then contact the head of the department to find out the general policy for make up exams and assignments.
|
yta - you sound entitled. most schools have attendance policies and lack of interest in hiring a babysitter is not an excused absence lol. she sounds difficult too but yeah, you’re the problem here.
|
info: is there backstory? profs are usually understanding unless fucked with incessantly.
|
esh you’re still an asshole for disrespecting your professor imo.
kids aren’t allowed in lecture halls in the first place anyways. on rare occasion as you’ll meet professions who will allow it as a one time thing, but it’s still not generally accepted. just saying.
you assumed she’d let you take the quiz by stating you’d take it at another time. that was a huge mistake assuming a professor would obviously put aside *their* time because *you* missed a quiz. if you miss a quiz, too bad. contrary to what others are saying, professors **don’t** have to compromise for **one** student. if they refuse to, then they *can* refuse to.
you also have no idea how many classes she’s teaching or if she has another job with this one that might be causing her delays.
you’ll meet many more professors who grade assignments late in college though. welcome to college?
but she should still be more on top of her work regardless, i’m not defending her regarding that. i also have absolutely no idea what being professional has to do with missing class because of your kid. that’s mainly why i’m saying she sucks too because i don’t understand?
|
NTA
| null |
ESH
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
ESH
| 0.303924 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’ve never done anything to my professor ever. in a 8 week course i’ve never missed a class once, and we meet multiple times a week. anyway i’m married and have a young son who has a medical issue. basically let me explain the backstory first. i do not have a good relationship with this professor in general and don’t care for her. she doesn’t answer emails, answers a question with a question, isn’t helpful or understanding, hypocritical (you’ll see why in a minute). i informed her a week ahead of time that i wouldn’t be attending class one day because no one is able to watch my son literally. usually my sister watches him or his grandparents. my sister had a doctors appointment that she can’t reschedule so she can’t. i don’t trust him with not known to family babysitters, atleast not yet and would have to get used to it. basically, i don’t like this professor. there is supplementary material that she was supposed to upload to blackboard and hasnt done it for weeks and has broken her promise to me multiple times. anyway, i was talking about missing class because i would assume their would be a quiz. i could get the notes from someone but can’t do the quiz in class obviously. she said too bad basically, and when i get in the real world i’ll have to be more professional. i tried to explain the situation, but to no avail. she said i couldn’t bring my son (ok). i said i would take it in the testing center a few hours later and she said no, no, no. i have to learn how to be professional. so i didn’t really care, class is about to end since the course is accelerated. i said “yeah, i’m sure you know a ton about being a professional. taking weeks to grade assignments, not answering emails, breaking promises and going back on your word consistently, you’re the last person i’d want to get advice on being a professional from” my husband said to be careful, she could be spiteful and mess with like my grade. i mean, why is she giving me a lecture about being a professional when she’s demonstrated she’s the furthest thing from one herself?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’ve never done anything to my professor ever. in a 8 week course i’ve never missed a class once, and we meet multiple times a week. anyway i’m married and have a young son who has a medical issue. basically let me explain the backstory first. i do not have a good relationship with this professor in general and don’t care for her. she doesn’t answer emails, answers a question with a question, isn’t helpful or understanding, hypocritical (you’ll see why in a minute). i informed her a week ahead of time that i wouldn’t be attending class one day because no one is able to watch my son literally. usually my sister watches him or his grandparents. my sister had a doctors appointment that she can’t reschedule so she can’t. i don’t trust him with not known to family babysitters, atleast not yet and would have to get used to it. basically, i don’t like this professor. there is supplementary material that she was supposed to upload to blackboard and hasnt done it for weeks and has broken her promise to me multiple times. anyway, i was talking about missing class because i would assume their would be a quiz. i could get the notes from someone but can’t do the quiz in class obviously. she said too bad basically, and when i get in the real world i’ll have to be more professional. i tried to explain the situation, but to no avail. she said i couldn’t bring my son (ok). i said i would take it in the testing center a few hours later and she said no, no, no. i have to learn how to be professional. so i didn’t really care, class is about to end since the course is accelerated. i said “yeah, i’m sure you know a ton about being a professional. taking weeks to grade assignments, not answering emails, breaking promises and going back on your word consistently, you’re the last person i’d want to get advice on being a professional from” my husband said to be careful, she could be spiteful and mess with like my grade. i mean, why is she giving me a lecture about being a professional when she’s demonstrated she’s the furthest thing from one herself? [/INST] nta and the teacher is the asshole for not understanding. but yeah be careful cause she can affect your grade. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to wait in the parking lot while my small child was in the doctor's office!?!
|
my son (6yo) recieves weekly therapy from a new provider we just began working with. the provider seems great based on the initial meeting & we set the next appointment. at the time, we knew our son would be meeting alone with the therapist and i thought that meant outside in the waiting room.
on the day of, my ex-husband/son's father brought him to the appointment and i planned to meet them right after work. i arrived 5 minutes early to find the father sitting in the car alone. i ask where our child is and he said inside, we have to sit in the car because the waiting room is closed due to covid.
my stomach clenched and i instantly freaked out. i think 6 is far too young to be in an office alone and found the policy to be unacceptable. for context, their waiting room is spacious and definitely has enough room to be 20 feet away from others, and everyone is masked. i said screw that and knocked on the door and kindly asked the receptionist to let me wait inside which she did, but she and the provider didnt seem happy with me. i explained how uncomfortable i was as this childs mother and that hes too young to be alone in a setting like this.
now, the father is pissed at me for insisting i be in the building and accusing me of trying to interfere with my son's treatment. i wont be returning so long as they expect us to wait in the lot. he's making me out to be some crazy helicopter mom. i think he's ridiculous for blindly accepting a rule that could potentially leave our child vulberable to harm. i give my son age appropriate space and range to do his thing, engage with friends, etc. but as a mother i cant allow my small child to be behind doors in an office complex with what essentially amounts to a stranger. i don't know these people like that. plus, who's to god forbid say some rando from another office or off the street doesn't come in to that space. my mom vibes say hell no and im standing firm, but aita?
| 2,039 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nhdmcy/aita_for_refusing_to_wait_in_the_parking_lot/
|
2021-05-20 22:40:45
|
nta. i'm a physician. when children come to our office for therapy the therapist will generally see the parent(s) and child first, and then the child individually, if necessary. this gives you the opportunity to scope out the practitioner.
staff will also want to be able to reach you easily if you they have questions or if your child needs something. my 6 year-olds just had a pediatrics follow-up and i was certainly allowed to attend with them.
&#x200b;
you hear about clinicians abusing children and this is how it happens.
|
nta. i appreciate the nature of the therapy may be such that you can't be in the room (although i would damn well expect there to be a good reason for that). but not even in the waiting room? if your child objects to something that happens in that session and wants to call for a parent it will take longer to find one and your son will be less protected. i've been in that situation once as a kid and i was so grateful my dad could just walk in from the waiting room and decline an inappropriate treatment i was being pressured to agree to on my behalf. if he'd been waiting outside in the car maybe the situation would have been different. yes i was too young to consent to the treatment at the time, no you can't always count on that situation to protect your kid.
i don't know why some of the other people commenting are comparing this to a school situation. in the school situation you have the opportunity to build a closer relationship with the service provider and i strongly doubt any school would allow a teacher to be alone with a six-year-old for the length of a therapy session. this is clearly not about interfering with the session as op was not even there for the duration of it, just horrified that the child's father was not within range. you all really want to make out op is a bad/crazy mother for not liking a situation where she's being pressured to leave her child alone in a situation where it's unclear who will be responsible for his safety when.
|
nta- 6 years old is too young to be left alone with strangers without knowing he can easily come get you if he feels unsafe. covid or not you have a right and a responsibility to see to his safety and well-being. if he’s in therapy obviously there are issues and he need to feel safe enough to open up but that doesn’t mean he should be left alone with multiple doors and people to stop him from telling you of any unusual or inappropriate behavior. young kids are often prey for people in positions of power and you 100% should go with your instincts on this.
|
nta. it’s not unreasonable to request to be with your small child at the doctors office, even with covid. and most places allow one person with the patient anyway.
also, how is a minor supposed to sign paperwork and comprehend what the doctor says? this is highly strange. and i wouldn’t let my kind there alone.
|
nta that is wild, i would not be comfortable at all with any of this situation. of course the therapy should be alone but not with you not in the building.
|
nta
i genuinely cant believe people are saying that it's okay for a child to be with adults they dont know by themselves, no matter if they're doctors or not, the people who harm the most children are in positions of power and who have easy access to children. not saying that every therapist is going to harm a child but it's better to be over cautious and safe.
i'm guessing this is in america because in the uk it is standard practice that even during the pandemic children are accompanied to appointments by a parent who as usual goes in with them, with therapy appointments you are asked to sit in the waiting room but never outside the building itself. take away the potential safeguarding issue (which is obviously worse case scenario and probably not what is happening here) but what if op's child gets distressed and needs them to calm down? if they're in the waiting room they can be fetched quickly for comfort. ignore anyone calling you a helicopter mum or saying you're being ridiculous asking for different rules during covid. it's your child and you are his best protector and the person who knows him best. listen to your instincts and do what you are comfortable with
|
nta. last time i checked, usually with new providers and usually all healthcare services, especially on a 6 year old, they will have some follow up paperwork they might want adults to do, or other scheduling. that might not be your new places policy, but it is not even remotely strange to believe so, even with covid. if they need you for something, do they know what car you’re in or will they ask the 6 year old to come get you. either way, the kid is 6 and the place is unfamiliar to you. your reaction was fair as a mother of a 6 year old.
|
nta this is completely reasonable train of thought. who besides the parent deals with the paperwork, post treatment plan, prescriptions etc? the kid is 6 not 16.
|
nta. there are way too many professionals finally getting done for abuse behind closed doors. good for you standing up to them.
|
nah. i understand your concern for wanting to be in the same building, but covid guidelines are covid guidelines. lots of people are having to wait in their cars while their loved ones are in appointments or even in the er... it's terrible and i wish nobody had to be in that position, but that doesn't mean the hospitals are ah for having those policies.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my son (6yo) recieves weekly therapy from a new provider we just began working with. the provider seems great based on the initial meeting & we set the next appointment. at the time, we knew our son would be meeting alone with the therapist and i thought that meant outside in the waiting room. on the day of, my ex-husband/son's father brought him to the appointment and i planned to meet them right after work. i arrived 5 minutes early to find the father sitting in the car alone. i ask where our child is and he said inside, we have to sit in the car because the waiting room is closed due to covid. my stomach clenched and i instantly freaked out. i think 6 is far too young to be in an office alone and found the policy to be unacceptable. for context, their waiting room is spacious and definitely has enough room to be 20 feet away from others, and everyone is masked. i said screw that and knocked on the door and kindly asked the receptionist to let me wait inside which she did, but she and the provider didnt seem happy with me. i explained how uncomfortable i was as this childs mother and that hes too young to be alone in a setting like this. now, the father is pissed at me for insisting i be in the building and accusing me of trying to interfere with my son's treatment. i wont be returning so long as they expect us to wait in the lot. he's making me out to be some crazy helicopter mom. i think he's ridiculous for blindly accepting a rule that could potentially leave our child vulberable to harm. i give my son age appropriate space and range to do his thing, engage with friends, etc. but as a mother i cant allow my small child to be behind doors in an office complex with what essentially amounts to a stranger. i don't know these people like that. plus, who's to god forbid say some rando from another office or off the street doesn't come in to that space. my mom vibes say hell no and im standing firm, but aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my son (6yo) recieves weekly therapy from a new provider we just began working with. the provider seems great based on the initial meeting & we set the next appointment. at the time, we knew our son would be meeting alone with the therapist and i thought that meant outside in the waiting room. on the day of, my ex-husband/son's father brought him to the appointment and i planned to meet them right after work. i arrived 5 minutes early to find the father sitting in the car alone. i ask where our child is and he said inside, we have to sit in the car because the waiting room is closed due to covid. my stomach clenched and i instantly freaked out. i think 6 is far too young to be in an office alone and found the policy to be unacceptable. for context, their waiting room is spacious and definitely has enough room to be 20 feet away from others, and everyone is masked. i said screw that and knocked on the door and kindly asked the receptionist to let me wait inside which she did, but she and the provider didnt seem happy with me. i explained how uncomfortable i was as this childs mother and that hes too young to be alone in a setting like this. now, the father is pissed at me for insisting i be in the building and accusing me of trying to interfere with my son's treatment. i wont be returning so long as they expect us to wait in the lot. he's making me out to be some crazy helicopter mom. i think he's ridiculous for blindly accepting a rule that could potentially leave our child vulberable to harm. i give my son age appropriate space and range to do his thing, engage with friends, etc. but as a mother i cant allow my small child to be behind doors in an office complex with what essentially amounts to a stranger. i don't know these people like that. plus, who's to god forbid say some rando from another office or off the street doesn't come in to that space. my mom vibes say hell no and im standing firm, but aita? [/INST] nta. i'm a physician. when children come to our office for therapy the therapist will generally see the parent(s) and child first, and then the child individually, if necessary. this gives you the opportunity to scope out the practitioner. staff will also want to be able to reach you easily if you they have questions or if your child needs something. my 6 year-olds just had a pediatrics follow-up and i was certainly allowed to attend with them. &#x200b; you hear about clinicians abusing children and this is how it happens. </s>
|
AITA for not letting my roommate use our living room as her home office?
|
disclaimer: throwaway account, repost due to exceeding character count
i (28f) live with two roommates, a (29f) and b (33f). we have lived together for 3 years in a two-story home and split the rent evenly. we share the living/dining/kitchen, but each have our own bedroom and bathroom. because my room is about half the size of the other bedrooms, i also get the small bonus room, which is open to the shared spaces below.
because of the pandemic, we all work from home. i use the bonus room as my work space, whereas roommates a and b originally worked from their rooms. at one point, roommate a moved her desk into the living room because she felt trapped in her room all day. roommate b and i were a little annoyed because neither of us were consulted, but we tried to be understanding about it.
over the past few months, roommate a has gotten comfortable in the living room and now treats it as her home office. she works in a sales position and is on the phone for at least 2-3 hours a day. she also attends a lot of virtual meetings and lets the sound play over her speakers.
it's loud all the time. i purchased a pair of noise-cancelling headphones and have to take work calls from my room. roommate b is largely unaffected because she works in her room, but told me that she can no longer watch tv or hang out in the living room because roommate a often works during lunch or late into the evenings.
recently, roommate a and i got into an argument over her using the living room as her office. it started with her complaint about my keyboard noise. i acknowledged that my mechanical keyboard is obnoxiously loud and bought a set of o-rings to dampen the noise, but the complaints continued. i wear noise-cancelling headphones all day to get through her noise and suggested she do the same.
she refused due to headphones being uncomfy, so i bought her a box of the highest decibel-blocking earplugs i could find. this was not an acceptable solution as her coworkers could still hear click-clack sounds on calls and that instead, she wanted me to move my desk into my room. this is not an option for me because my room barely fits my bed and wardrobe, so i told her i would get a quieter keyboard if we could split the cost. she refused and said i could pay for it myself or find a way to fit my work space into my room.
i have the right to the office space as part of our roommate agreement and if anyone is moving their desk into their room, it should be her. she wasn't budging on her position, so i made a low blow and told her she basically broadcasts all her work calls and i have absorbed enough information about her job to report her to her for breaking whatever company ndas she's under. and ultimately, she moved her desk back to her room.
she says i'm the ah because i have a dedicated home office and am not being compassionate about her situation, but i really have tried to be despite her being an inconsiderate roommate. aita for not letting her use the living room?
| 886 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kwpddr/aita_for_not_letting_my_roommate_use_our_living/
|
2021-01-13 20:40:28
|
nta
if she kept it to normal work hours and it didn't disturb you that much it might be ok, given the circumstances we are in. but once she starts monopolising it or preventing you from using it in the evening or at lunch then she becomes the asshole.
|
nta. unless she is paying extra to use the living room as office space, then she needs to treat it as shared space and be respectful. it's also not fair that others can't use that room for its intended purpose because of her.
|
lol nta. “you have a dedicated home office, so you should be more considerate of me not having one by working in your room instead, because obviously the only way this is fair is if i have a dedicated home office and you don’t.” puh-leaze. you all agreed to the spaces you would use, she started using a new space without talking to her other roommates, and then complained about your agreed upon space infringing on her not-agreed-upon space. roll your eyes and keep doing what you’re doing. you’re 100% not the ah, and even a really good person for trying to compromise repeatedly.
|
*you want my "dedicated home office"? fine, it comes with my bedroom. when would you like to switch rooms, a?*
nta.
|
nta. she's welcome to use the living room to work in if she'd like, but she needs to acknowledge it's still a common use space and her roommates are well within their rights to treat it accordingly. it sounds like you've been plenty accommodating already.
|
> it started with her complaint about my keyboard noise.
right about there is where there was no longer any question that she was in the wrong. she already took over the living area you all share **without asking**, which makes it a dick move. then refused to share with anybody, an ever dickier move. but then she decided that you couldn't use your own space because she can hear you all because she took over the common area. nta, she clearly needs the reminder about how living with roommates works.
|
nta. she didn’t consult with her roommates before moving into the living room, and she is preventing you and your other roommate from using the common areas with her extended hours.
|
nta.
you are letting her i use the living room. the problem is that she’s trying to stop you from using the living room and any other room which isn’t soundproofed.
that’s not what you all are paying for. shared space is shared space. if she needs peace and quiet, she has to figure that out. it’s not your responsibility to provide that for her.
|
nta you pay for a dedicated home office. her entitlement is out of control i’m glad you had leverage, not an ah for using it.
|
nta. if she wants a dedicated work space, she can move out into a 2 bedroom apartment. you all agreed you get the cubby hole for your office area and have had it since move in (i’m assuming).
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: disclaimer: throwaway account, repost due to exceeding character count i (28f) live with two roommates, a (29f) and b (33f). we have lived together for 3 years in a two-story home and split the rent evenly. we share the living/dining/kitchen, but each have our own bedroom and bathroom. because my room is about half the size of the other bedrooms, i also get the small bonus room, which is open to the shared spaces below. because of the pandemic, we all work from home. i use the bonus room as my work space, whereas roommates a and b originally worked from their rooms. at one point, roommate a moved her desk into the living room because she felt trapped in her room all day. roommate b and i were a little annoyed because neither of us were consulted, but we tried to be understanding about it. over the past few months, roommate a has gotten comfortable in the living room and now treats it as her home office. she works in a sales position and is on the phone for at least 2-3 hours a day. she also attends a lot of virtual meetings and lets the sound play over her speakers. it's loud all the time. i purchased a pair of noise-cancelling headphones and have to take work calls from my room. roommate b is largely unaffected because she works in her room, but told me that she can no longer watch tv or hang out in the living room because roommate a often works during lunch or late into the evenings. recently, roommate a and i got into an argument over her using the living room as her office. it started with her complaint about my keyboard noise. i acknowledged that my mechanical keyboard is obnoxiously loud and bought a set of o-rings to dampen the noise, but the complaints continued. i wear noise-cancelling headphones all day to get through her noise and suggested she do the same. she refused due to headphones being uncomfy, so i bought her a box of the highest decibel-blocking earplugs i could find. this was not an acceptable solution as her coworkers could still hear click-clack sounds on calls and that instead, she wanted me to move my desk into my room. this is not an option for me because my room barely fits my bed and wardrobe, so i told her i would get a quieter keyboard if we could split the cost. she refused and said i could pay for it myself or find a way to fit my work space into my room. i have the right to the office space as part of our roommate agreement and if anyone is moving their desk into their room, it should be her. she wasn't budging on her position, so i made a low blow and told her she basically broadcasts all her work calls and i have absorbed enough information about her job to report her to her for breaking whatever company ndas she's under. and ultimately, she moved her desk back to her room. she says i'm the ah because i have a dedicated home office and am not being compassionate about her situation, but i really have tried to be despite her being an inconsiderate roommate. aita for not letting her use the living room?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
disclaimer: throwaway account, repost due to exceeding character count i (28f) live with two roommates, a (29f) and b (33f). we have lived together for 3 years in a two-story home and split the rent evenly. we share the living/dining/kitchen, but each have our own bedroom and bathroom. because my room is about half the size of the other bedrooms, i also get the small bonus room, which is open to the shared spaces below. because of the pandemic, we all work from home. i use the bonus room as my work space, whereas roommates a and b originally worked from their rooms. at one point, roommate a moved her desk into the living room because she felt trapped in her room all day. roommate b and i were a little annoyed because neither of us were consulted, but we tried to be understanding about it. over the past few months, roommate a has gotten comfortable in the living room and now treats it as her home office. she works in a sales position and is on the phone for at least 2-3 hours a day. she also attends a lot of virtual meetings and lets the sound play over her speakers. it's loud all the time. i purchased a pair of noise-cancelling headphones and have to take work calls from my room. roommate b is largely unaffected because she works in her room, but told me that she can no longer watch tv or hang out in the living room because roommate a often works during lunch or late into the evenings. recently, roommate a and i got into an argument over her using the living room as her office. it started with her complaint about my keyboard noise. i acknowledged that my mechanical keyboard is obnoxiously loud and bought a set of o-rings to dampen the noise, but the complaints continued. i wear noise-cancelling headphones all day to get through her noise and suggested she do the same. she refused due to headphones being uncomfy, so i bought her a box of the highest decibel-blocking earplugs i could find. this was not an acceptable solution as her coworkers could still hear click-clack sounds on calls and that instead, she wanted me to move my desk into my room. this is not an option for me because my room barely fits my bed and wardrobe, so i told her i would get a quieter keyboard if we could split the cost. she refused and said i could pay for it myself or find a way to fit my work space into my room. i have the right to the office space as part of our roommate agreement and if anyone is moving their desk into their room, it should be her. she wasn't budging on her position, so i made a low blow and told her she basically broadcasts all her work calls and i have absorbed enough information about her job to report her to her for breaking whatever company ndas she's under. and ultimately, she moved her desk back to her room. she says i'm the ah because i have a dedicated home office and am not being compassionate about her situation, but i really have tried to be despite her being an inconsiderate roommate. aita for not letting her use the living room? [/INST] nta if she kept it to normal work hours and it didn't disturb you that much it might be ok, given the circumstances we are in. but once she starts monopolising it or preventing you from using it in the evening or at lunch then she becomes the asshole. </s>
|
AITA For telling my bio-mom that my real mom is dead
|
my (25m) biological mother (45f) has been trying to get back as a part of my life for the past few years now, my grandmother raised me until she passed away and i was put into foster care, because my bio-mom was an unfit mother and was extremely abusive. about 5 years ago she had begun to tell family that i hadn’t been in contact with for many years that i had died in a car accident and she needed money for the funeral, i only found this out when my grandfather called my adoptive parents in tears asking what happened. it turns out she got about $1000 out of him for travel and disappeared. i cut off contact with her until this year when i found out i was very sick, and she reached out to me wanting to make amends, so i went down to see her and my siblings for a week, however while i was there she took my car keys from my room while i was asleep and drove my car to another state and spent well over $500 on my credit card,( i had left my wallet locked in my car and she got it when she took my keys). when i confronted her about it, she began screaming about how i was her son and i owed her, and that she should have aborted me so i wouldn’t have grown into such a selfish man. that she was my mother and i needed to take care of her. i lost my temper and told her that my real mother(my grandmother, her mother) died 20 years ago, while she was off high on meth after abandoning me. i grabbed my things and left and haven’t spoken to her since. i feel really guilty for the things i said because i know i hurt her.
aita?
tl:dr- my bio mom stole from me and insulted me and i told her she wasn’t my mom and my real mom is dead
| 3,256 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q3absi/aita_for_telling_my_biomom_that_my_real_mom_is/
|
2021-10-07 14:29:44
|
nta - i know two wrongs don’t make a right, but she said some nasty things about you. don’t feel guilty. she is the ‘mother’ and you are the ‘child’ - has she apologised to you for saying she wished she aborted you? for stealing?
maybe it’s time to cease all contact forever
|
nta at all. she lied to you and robbed you. you owe her nothing and should keep a no contact relationship with her.
|
nta.
report the theft of car and cc fraud
|
nta
stay away from this woman. the only reason she's interested in "a relationship" with you is because she thinks she can get something from you.
contact your bank and file a fraud report.
hugs
|
nta
had she been genuinely attempting to make amends or redemption, that would be one thing. she clearly has not, nor has she bothered to even consider anyone but herself. the truth hurts, and all you did was give it to her.
|
bro there is no way you think you're the asshole
|
nta but she sure is. you should definitely write this toxicity out of your life. i'm very sorry you're having to deal with this.
|
nta. why didn't you report the theft of your car and money to the police? guilty for what? saying the truth!
|
nta
your biological mom clearly has severe mental health issues. it may be best to cut ties with her as best you can, though it sounds like you have decided this for yourself, too.
i'm sorry you're going through this.
|
i would say definitely nta. in my opinion, you don't deserve respect for giving birth to someone. respect is earned from your actions afterwards.
your biological mother's actions do not deserve a modicum of respect from you. not only did she steal from you, but she also told your grandfather you were dead to steal money from him too. i say this again, she doesn't deserve anything from you.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.024 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (25m) biological mother (45f) has been trying to get back as a part of my life for the past few years now, my grandmother raised me until she passed away and i was put into foster care, because my bio-mom was an unfit mother and was extremely abusive. about 5 years ago she had begun to tell family that i hadn’t been in contact with for many years that i had died in a car accident and she needed money for the funeral, i only found this out when my grandfather called my adoptive parents in tears asking what happened. it turns out she got about $1000 out of him for travel and disappeared. i cut off contact with her until this year when i found out i was very sick, and she reached out to me wanting to make amends, so i went down to see her and my siblings for a week, however while i was there she took my car keys from my room while i was asleep and drove my car to another state and spent well over $500 on my credit card,( i had left my wallet locked in my car and she got it when she took my keys). when i confronted her about it, she began screaming about how i was her son and i owed her, and that she should have aborted me so i wouldn’t have grown into such a selfish man. that she was my mother and i needed to take care of her. i lost my temper and told her that my real mother(my grandmother, her mother) died 20 years ago, while she was off high on meth after abandoning me. i grabbed my things and left and haven’t spoken to her since. i feel really guilty for the things i said because i know i hurt her. aita? tl:dr- my bio mom stole from me and insulted me and i told her she wasn’t my mom and my real mom is dead
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (25m) biological mother (45f) has been trying to get back as a part of my life for the past few years now, my grandmother raised me until she passed away and i was put into foster care, because my bio-mom was an unfit mother and was extremely abusive. about 5 years ago she had begun to tell family that i hadn’t been in contact with for many years that i had died in a car accident and she needed money for the funeral, i only found this out when my grandfather called my adoptive parents in tears asking what happened. it turns out she got about $1000 out of him for travel and disappeared. i cut off contact with her until this year when i found out i was very sick, and she reached out to me wanting to make amends, so i went down to see her and my siblings for a week, however while i was there she took my car keys from my room while i was asleep and drove my car to another state and spent well over $500 on my credit card,( i had left my wallet locked in my car and she got it when she took my keys). when i confronted her about it, she began screaming about how i was her son and i owed her, and that she should have aborted me so i wouldn’t have grown into such a selfish man. that she was my mother and i needed to take care of her. i lost my temper and told her that my real mother(my grandmother, her mother) died 20 years ago, while she was off high on meth after abandoning me. i grabbed my things and left and haven’t spoken to her since. i feel really guilty for the things i said because i know i hurt her. aita? tl:dr- my bio mom stole from me and insulted me and i told her she wasn’t my mom and my real mom is dead [/INST] nta - i know two wrongs don’t make a right, but she said some nasty things about you. don’t feel guilty. she is the ‘mother’ and you are the ‘child’ - has she apologised to you for saying she wished she aborted you? for stealing? maybe it’s time to cease all contact forever </s>
|
WIBTA to get child services involved because an aquintance is making her son pay rent?
|
i have a girlfriend whose sister this story this is about.
the sister - marnie- is a very weird woman.
we have a club activity with around 5 people and we meet at each other's houses.
marnie invited us to her place as she wanted to host.
we had our bi-weekly meeting and after we were just talking and stuff.
and somehow the talk about her son came up.
she told us that she makes her 16 year old son pay rent and pay for his share of food because he had a job now.
apparently it was her new husband's idea to "discipline" the boy.
i chimed in and told her that that was in fact, illegal. you have to legally provide shelter and nutrition for your kids till they are 18.
we fought and she called me a bitch because i have no business telling her how to be a good parent. i told that i wasn't telling her how to be good parent but how to do the bare minimum.
my girlfriend brought us apart and we left shortly after. i asked her if she was aware of it and she said yes, but she didn't know how much the box was paying. which, by the way is more than 200 euros.
she then said that she didn't agree with it either because the boy is a good kid, but that it was not her place to parent her nephew.
i just... got so mad. i also have a daughter from a previous relationship and i could never imagine making things so hostile in my house. sure show her responsibility by making her do chores and pay for some things like... leisure stuff. like half of a phone she wants, if she wants to go to a trip i will pay for the accommodation but the spending money she had to out in... those kinds of stuff. but rent and food??? that's so messed up.
i got mad at my girlfriend for her nit doing anything and went home. i have not talked to her but am considering involving child services. aita?
there is some more stiff to how the boy is treated but due to word limit i can't put in
eidit: please stop telling me that your parents made you do that so it's okay. no... no it's not. sorry but your parents were not right.
should i make my daughter parent my other child just because my parents made me do the same? no right? so that simply not valid. just because we went trough stiff does not mean our kids have to do the same. we as parents have the responsibility to make our children's life easier than our own
edit 2 : someone told me i should add this :
they show heavy favoritism towards his step siblings. the oldest step sibling is going to be 16 next months and does not pay. marnie has threatened to evict him if he fails to pay
| 8,990 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lswm2k/wibta_to_get_child_services_involved_because_an/
|
2021-02-26 12:19:32
|
nta. if you don't, who will? if it's nothing, child services will deem it as nothing
|
nta.
if you are honest with child services then it’s on them to decide if it’s child abuse (i definitely think it is really shitty). in general with maybe a few exceptions calling child protective services is not going to cause undeserved drama, as long as what you tell them is 100% true.
|
nta. honestly, they probably won't even investigate.
when my daughter was 16, i made her pay for her own phone bill because she wanted an iphone, and her bill was more expensive than my bill. when she got her driver's license she also had to pay her part of the insurance which was only like $30 since her insurance was on my insurance.
i agree that at 16 and a first job, kid should start learning to pay bills and have responsibility, but paying your half at the living expenses and paying rent is ridiculous. it's a parents job to support their kid until they're 18. this isn't the 1920s where kids were kicked out at 15.
|
saw your comment about how shes’s threatening to evict him if he doesn’t pay rent. absolutely report her. that is very illegal and just messed up. nta
|
if you know this kid is being mistreated then you should speak up. nta
|
nta at all. my parents did this to me. i ended up moving out at 16, getting my own place, and my own job. i figured why not? i was already paying rent and bills, they wanted me to grow up so badly right?
well it put a toll on the relationship between myself and my parents for nearly a decade. they didn’t understand why i eventually just got mad and left one day. i didn’t understand why they couldn’t see that they pushed me to do it while forcing adulthood on me while treating me as a child.
i would never. i’m with you. teach them responsibility. don’t teach them that they don’t need parents after all.
|
info: what is the "other stuff" you couldnt fit within the word limit?
|
nta.
had it been 50 eur or less i would agree it is a good money management opportunity for the kid.
but 200 eur for a teen to have to pay up??
how much can he earn?
in my neck if the woods average adults get paid 700-800 eur a month for a full time job.
rediculous.
|
nta she’ll probably know it’s you but if you feel that it’s right to involve child services then you should.
|
nta for getting mad at your girlfriend. you just saw what kind of a person she truly is. when people show you, believe them.
on a side note about the teen: i didn’t realize that kids didn’t do this once they got a job until my wife told me how messed up it was. (her words were much more colorful.) i started paying “rent” when i was around 10 years old and got a paper route. let me assure you, this was the least of the problems i was experiencing at home.
usually the abuse you can see from the outside is the tip of the iceberg. i wish someone had stood up for me (us as i had siblings) and called cps. that would have changed my life if i was removed. so many things could have been changed in my life if people hadn’t always protected my abusive parents.
if you see something, do something.
the teen shouldn’t be the one making the decision about their future either, they’re just a kid.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a girlfriend whose sister this story this is about. the sister - marnie- is a very weird woman. we have a club activity with around 5 people and we meet at each other's houses. marnie invited us to her place as she wanted to host. we had our bi-weekly meeting and after we were just talking and stuff. and somehow the talk about her son came up. she told us that she makes her 16 year old son pay rent and pay for his share of food because he had a job now. apparently it was her new husband's idea to "discipline" the boy. i chimed in and told her that that was in fact, illegal. you have to legally provide shelter and nutrition for your kids till they are 18. we fought and she called me a bitch because i have no business telling her how to be a good parent. i told that i wasn't telling her how to be good parent but how to do the bare minimum. my girlfriend brought us apart and we left shortly after. i asked her if she was aware of it and she said yes, but she didn't know how much the box was paying. which, by the way is more than 200 euros. she then said that she didn't agree with it either because the boy is a good kid, but that it was not her place to parent her nephew. i just... got so mad. i also have a daughter from a previous relationship and i could never imagine making things so hostile in my house. sure show her responsibility by making her do chores and pay for some things like... leisure stuff. like half of a phone she wants, if she wants to go to a trip i will pay for the accommodation but the spending money she had to out in... those kinds of stuff. but rent and food??? that's so messed up. i got mad at my girlfriend for her nit doing anything and went home. i have not talked to her but am considering involving child services. aita? there is some more stiff to how the boy is treated but due to word limit i can't put in eidit: please stop telling me that your parents made you do that so it's okay. no... no it's not. sorry but your parents were not right. should i make my daughter parent my other child just because my parents made me do the same? no right? so that simply not valid. just because we went trough stiff does not mean our kids have to do the same. we as parents have the responsibility to make our children's life easier than our own edit 2 : someone told me i should add this : they show heavy favoritism towards his step siblings. the oldest step sibling is going to be 16 next months and does not pay. marnie has threatened to evict him if he fails to pay
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have a girlfriend whose sister this story this is about. the sister - marnie- is a very weird woman. we have a club activity with around 5 people and we meet at each other's houses. marnie invited us to her place as she wanted to host. we had our bi-weekly meeting and after we were just talking and stuff. and somehow the talk about her son came up. she told us that she makes her 16 year old son pay rent and pay for his share of food because he had a job now. apparently it was her new husband's idea to "discipline" the boy. i chimed in and told her that that was in fact, illegal. you have to legally provide shelter and nutrition for your kids till they are 18. we fought and she called me a bitch because i have no business telling her how to be a good parent. i told that i wasn't telling her how to be good parent but how to do the bare minimum. my girlfriend brought us apart and we left shortly after. i asked her if she was aware of it and she said yes, but she didn't know how much the box was paying. which, by the way is more than 200 euros. she then said that she didn't agree with it either because the boy is a good kid, but that it was not her place to parent her nephew. i just... got so mad. i also have a daughter from a previous relationship and i could never imagine making things so hostile in my house. sure show her responsibility by making her do chores and pay for some things like... leisure stuff. like half of a phone she wants, if she wants to go to a trip i will pay for the accommodation but the spending money she had to out in... those kinds of stuff. but rent and food??? that's so messed up. i got mad at my girlfriend for her nit doing anything and went home. i have not talked to her but am considering involving child services. aita? there is some more stiff to how the boy is treated but due to word limit i can't put in eidit: please stop telling me that your parents made you do that so it's okay. no... no it's not. sorry but your parents were not right. should i make my daughter parent my other child just because my parents made me do the same? no right? so that simply not valid. just because we went trough stiff does not mean our kids have to do the same. we as parents have the responsibility to make our children's life easier than our own edit 2 : someone told me i should add this : they show heavy favoritism towards his step siblings. the oldest step sibling is going to be 16 next months and does not pay. marnie has threatened to evict him if he fails to pay [/INST] nta. if you don't, who will? if it's nothing, child services will deem it as nothing </s>
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.