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AITA for not wanting to share room with step-brother anymore after he came out?
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my dad got married over a year ago. his wife moved in with her son who’s same age as me (16). it’s a two bedroom house so “steven” moved into my room too.
it didn’t bother me before because i was mostly with my mom and my dad only on weekends.
my mom got called out of state for work and she’s not gonna be back for months so i’m now with him full time. i’ve met steven a few times but now being here all the time i notice weird stuff.
there’s bathroom in my room and he literally gets out naked every single time even when i was already in the room before he went in.
i always tell him “what the f*ck” and he says sorry but always does it. now i just leave the room when he showers. when i play videogames he’ll come sit right next to me and we’re pressed right against eachother.
theres more space on the couch so it bothers me that he does that. other times he’ll be talking to me and put his hand right on my lap but like not move it.
idk it’s weird for me because i don’t like being touched but he’s always super touchy with me no matter how many times i tell him i hate it.
what’s made it really uncomfortable is when i change or something in the room. he straight up watches me and it creeps me out so now i go do that in the bathroom too.
it’s always weird when he’s around and i just don’t like it. and he always wants to be around me.
he came out 2 months ago and now some stuff makes sense. it’s more awkward because i feel like he’s into me or something.
still stares if he comes in when i’m changing my clothes but acts like he wasn’t, gets naked around me when he’s changing.
so i told my dad i don’t wanna share my room with him anymore and said why. my dad doesn’t think it’s wrong the way he is but let me turn the basement downstairs into my own room when i asked him.
it was a tv room we never used and it had lots of space for my bed and all my other stuff. steven’s mad now that i don’t wanna share room with him.
he says i’m being homophobic cause what a coincidence i’m only doing it now after he came out.
his mom is mad too and thinks i’m overreacting because boys change in locker rooms together all the time so that shouldn’t make me uncomfortable. she says too that i’m being weird only because he’s gay.
but idk i was always uncomfortable in locker rooms too. and plus he straight up walks around naked in front of me which i don’t like.
it’s tense at home with them both saying i’m being homophobic and steven says i’m hurting his feelings not wanting to share that space anymore.
i didn’t like any of the stuff he was doing even before he came out, but now i just to where i was fed up with it. knowing that he’s gay just made me start to wonder if it was all being done on purpose.
so idk am i being an asshole?
| 12,940 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lpei30/aita_for_not_wanting_to_share_room_with/
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2021-02-22 03:57:40
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nta and shouldn't have anything to do with him being gay. you've set your boundaries and he keeps knowingly and willingly crossing them. if your parents won't do anything about it, then start using the phrase "sexual harassment" because that is literally what it is. get a teacher or counselor involved too. you aren't being homophobic at all.
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nta.
you are uncomfortable with his behavior. it is better to allow you to have your own space than to try and make this a homophobia issue.
most everyone would be weirded out by someone just being openly nude in front of them, regardless.
the incompatibility in comfort levels is a reason in and of itself.
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nta
not wanting to be touched against your will, not wanting to see someone naked, not wanting to be watched while you dressed = perfectly reasonable, universal desires, not homophobia. if you were a girl, he'd be seen as a creep 100%. his behavior *is* creepy, and you've tolerated it way longer than you should have had to.
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nta. say very plainly, "i won't share a room because you won't stop being naked and touching my lap when i've asked you to stop. "
that should shut him up.
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nta.
​
the fact that he's gay is irrelevant. he's touching you and watching you change after you explicitly told him not to. you don't get freebees just because you're gay. i̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶w̶e̶i̶r̶d̶e̶r̶ ̶s̶i̶n̶c̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶'̶s̶ ̶r̶e̶l̶a̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶. :/
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i was gonna say y t a reading the title, but the way you described it, any sane person would feel something wrong is going on or at the very least feels uncomfortable about it.
if you were a girl whose brother shows up naked out of shower right in front of her and presses against her, despite being told not to do so, all hell would’ve broken loose. i don’t see why him being gay would make it an exception and this is coming from a gay guy myself.
this is not okay and they shouldn’t be using the homophobia card, because this is harassment.
nta in the slightest. perhaps tell him this, tell him and his mother in the presence of your father that he shows up naked and it made you uncomfortable and you called it out and it never changed long before he came out.
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if a straight guy acted that way to his stepsister, it wouldn’t be ok, so no it’s not ok now. it’s great that you got your own room. tell him it’s not because he’s gay, it’s because you’re not 8 years old and need a room to yourself. nta.
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nta- it sounds like he is crossing boundaries and it is perfectly normal for you not to be ok with how he is behaving around you
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nta. you’re uncomfortable because of his sexual harassment, not his sexuality. plus, you guys are old enough to be more comfortable in your own rooms. it’s completely inappropriate to do what he’s doing. imagine if you were a girl. i’m sure your parents would see the issue then. you deserve to feel comfortable in your own home.
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nta. he's sexually harassing you. anytime he dose any of those behaviors be loud. " no! i told you i don't want you touching me. respect that!" " no. i've asked that you not be naked around me. cover up." " do not look at me while i'm changing."
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.024 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my dad got married over a year ago. his wife moved in with her son who’s same age as me (16). it’s a two bedroom house so “steven” moved into my room too. it didn’t bother me before because i was mostly with my mom and my dad only on weekends. my mom got called out of state for work and she’s not gonna be back for months so i’m now with him full time. i’ve met steven a few times but now being here all the time i notice weird stuff. there’s bathroom in my room and he literally gets out naked every single time even when i was already in the room before he went in. i always tell him “what the f*ck” and he says sorry but always does it. now i just leave the room when he showers. when i play videogames he’ll come sit right next to me and we’re pressed right against eachother. theres more space on the couch so it bothers me that he does that. other times he’ll be talking to me and put his hand right on my lap but like not move it. idk it’s weird for me because i don’t like being touched but he’s always super touchy with me no matter how many times i tell him i hate it. what’s made it really uncomfortable is when i change or something in the room. he straight up watches me and it creeps me out so now i go do that in the bathroom too. it’s always weird when he’s around and i just don’t like it. and he always wants to be around me. he came out 2 months ago and now some stuff makes sense. it’s more awkward because i feel like he’s into me or something. still stares if he comes in when i’m changing my clothes but acts like he wasn’t, gets naked around me when he’s changing. so i told my dad i don’t wanna share my room with him anymore and said why. my dad doesn’t think it’s wrong the way he is but let me turn the basement downstairs into my own room when i asked him. it was a tv room we never used and it had lots of space for my bed and all my other stuff. steven’s mad now that i don’t wanna share room with him. he says i’m being homophobic cause what a coincidence i’m only doing it now after he came out. his mom is mad too and thinks i’m overreacting because boys change in locker rooms together all the time so that shouldn’t make me uncomfortable. she says too that i’m being weird only because he’s gay. but idk i was always uncomfortable in locker rooms too. and plus he straight up walks around naked in front of me which i don’t like. it’s tense at home with them both saying i’m being homophobic and steven says i’m hurting his feelings not wanting to share that space anymore. i didn’t like any of the stuff he was doing even before he came out, but now i just to where i was fed up with it. knowing that he’s gay just made me start to wonder if it was all being done on purpose. so idk am i being an asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my dad got married over a year ago. his wife moved in with her son who’s same age as me (16). it’s a two bedroom house so “steven” moved into my room too. it didn’t bother me before because i was mostly with my mom and my dad only on weekends. my mom got called out of state for work and she’s not gonna be back for months so i’m now with him full time. i’ve met steven a few times but now being here all the time i notice weird stuff. there’s bathroom in my room and he literally gets out naked every single time even when i was already in the room before he went in. i always tell him “what the f*ck” and he says sorry but always does it. now i just leave the room when he showers. when i play videogames he’ll come sit right next to me and we’re pressed right against eachother. theres more space on the couch so it bothers me that he does that. other times he’ll be talking to me and put his hand right on my lap but like not move it. idk it’s weird for me because i don’t like being touched but he’s always super touchy with me no matter how many times i tell him i hate it. what’s made it really uncomfortable is when i change or something in the room. he straight up watches me and it creeps me out so now i go do that in the bathroom too. it’s always weird when he’s around and i just don’t like it. and he always wants to be around me. he came out 2 months ago and now some stuff makes sense. it’s more awkward because i feel like he’s into me or something. still stares if he comes in when i’m changing my clothes but acts like he wasn’t, gets naked around me when he’s changing. so i told my dad i don’t wanna share my room with him anymore and said why. my dad doesn’t think it’s wrong the way he is but let me turn the basement downstairs into my own room when i asked him. it was a tv room we never used and it had lots of space for my bed and all my other stuff. steven’s mad now that i don’t wanna share room with him. he says i’m being homophobic cause what a coincidence i’m only doing it now after he came out. his mom is mad too and thinks i’m overreacting because boys change in locker rooms together all the time so that shouldn’t make me uncomfortable. she says too that i’m being weird only because he’s gay. but idk i was always uncomfortable in locker rooms too. and plus he straight up walks around naked in front of me which i don’t like. it’s tense at home with them both saying i’m being homophobic and steven says i’m hurting his feelings not wanting to share that space anymore. i didn’t like any of the stuff he was doing even before he came out, but now i just to where i was fed up with it. knowing that he’s gay just made me start to wonder if it was all being done on purpose. so idk am i being an asshole? [/INST] nta and shouldn't have anything to do with him being gay. you've set your boundaries and he keeps knowingly and willingly crossing them. if your parents won't do anything about it, then start using the phrase "sexual harassment" because that is literally what it is. get a teacher or counselor involved too. you aren't being homophobic at all. </s>
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AITA for telling my friends they can’t drink on my 21st birthday?
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mobile, throwaway, we all know the drill.
i’m turning 21 soon!! i’m super excited, but mostly just because i like birthdays, not for the drinking age - i had some problems in high school, and i’m now a little over 3 years sober. all of my friends know, i’m pretty open about it, and i don’t tend to go to big parties or clubs or anything that could potentially be hard for me. but i don’t have any problems with my friends drinking around me casually, like at small get-togethers or with dinner. if i’m worried about it, i just don’t go. it sucks being the only sober one at a party sometimes, but it goes with the territory.
we’re planning a tiny party to celebrate, and one of my friends said she’d bring the booze. i mentioned that i didn’t want any, and she said something along the lines of “oh i know, but it’s for everyone else.” my other friends agreed that they wanted beer or something. i said that it was a party for me, and i really didn’t want to be the only one not drinking on my own birthday, so there wasn’t going to be any at all.
they said that was selfish and self-centered, and just because i chose not to drink shouldn’t mean they can’t either.
i don’t really want to budge here. i feel like it’s not too much to ask for one night without alcohol, but am i wrong? aita?
| 1,077 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bb29bp/aita_for_telling_my_friends_they_cant_drink_on_my/
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2019-04-09 01:58:43
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nta, real friends would respect your very reasonable wishes not to have alcohol at your party.
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nta
it's *your* birthday. **they** are the selfish ones. they can't go one night withiut alcohol for their friend who is sober? that's pretty self-centered behavior right there.
in order to keep the drinking to a minimum you may want to plan some event that excludes drinking as a major option, like a movie or even a movie night as the party.
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nta- it’s your day and it’s a slap in the face of what you have dealt with in the past. crummy friends not to respect your wishes and decisions
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nta and it’s pretty fucked up if your friend can’t just not drink for one party. i’m not gonna lie- i have very little patience for adults who pull the “but it’s my birthday” card... but dude it’s your birthday and your party! have they never been the dd? it’s not exactly the time of your life when you’re the only sober one of the bunch. i would hope that your friends would realize that and not want you to feel that way at your own dang party. maybe try explaining it like that?
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nta.
it is your birthday, so they should respect your wishes. it makes them look more selfish than you for sure. they can drink when they want at other time periods.
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i’m gonna go against the grain and say nah.
i think you have to realize the unfortunate reality is that it’s not going be much fun for your friends to “party” without drinking at a 21st bday party.
making the choice to live sober is great, but you can’t expect other people to adhere to that in social settings and try to dictate it.
your friends probably should just suck it up for one night, but i don’t think they are aholes either for letting you know it kinda sucks for them.
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nta
first of all, congrats on your sobriety! making it as far as you have at your age is no joke- there are so many social situations that tend to revolve around drinking and it is not easy to withstand the peer pressure.
i think your friends are being selfish- they probably are thinking about how they’ve been able to drink around you before, but forgetting the fact that this is your birthday and especially forgetting the fact that this typically would be the big birthday where you really “let loose” and you are not able to do that and having your friends all around drinking on your birthday would make that 100x harder than it might already be. i think it’s ridiculous they can’t forgo drinking for one night out of 365. your party, your rules!
happy early birthday- i hope you are able to work something out with your friends!
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nta. what sort of shit ass friends insist on drinking at a party to celebrate a recovering alcoholic? it's your party, you make the rules based on your comfort. some of them might not come in response to your rules. these people are colossal, gaping, unwiped assholes.
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might be controversial but nah.
it's perfectly reasonable that you don't want alcohol at your party, especially considering the alcohol problem you previously had.
however, it's not unreasonable for them to want it, and while their wording makes them sound like assholes, they really just want to have fun too.
still i'd say to keep your birthday how you want it, and don't have alcohol there if you don't want it.
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nta. it's your party. you should be able to choose how you want it to be
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| 0.002 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: mobile, throwaway, we all know the drill. i’m turning 21 soon!! i’m super excited, but mostly just because i like birthdays, not for the drinking age - i had some problems in high school, and i’m now a little over 3 years sober. all of my friends know, i’m pretty open about it, and i don’t tend to go to big parties or clubs or anything that could potentially be hard for me. but i don’t have any problems with my friends drinking around me casually, like at small get-togethers or with dinner. if i’m worried about it, i just don’t go. it sucks being the only sober one at a party sometimes, but it goes with the territory. we’re planning a tiny party to celebrate, and one of my friends said she’d bring the booze. i mentioned that i didn’t want any, and she said something along the lines of “oh i know, but it’s for everyone else.” my other friends agreed that they wanted beer or something. i said that it was a party for me, and i really didn’t want to be the only one not drinking on my own birthday, so there wasn’t going to be any at all. they said that was selfish and self-centered, and just because i chose not to drink shouldn’t mean they can’t either. i don’t really want to budge here. i feel like it’s not too much to ask for one night without alcohol, but am i wrong? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
mobile, throwaway, we all know the drill. i’m turning 21 soon!! i’m super excited, but mostly just because i like birthdays, not for the drinking age - i had some problems in high school, and i’m now a little over 3 years sober. all of my friends know, i’m pretty open about it, and i don’t tend to go to big parties or clubs or anything that could potentially be hard for me. but i don’t have any problems with my friends drinking around me casually, like at small get-togethers or with dinner. if i’m worried about it, i just don’t go. it sucks being the only sober one at a party sometimes, but it goes with the territory. we’re planning a tiny party to celebrate, and one of my friends said she’d bring the booze. i mentioned that i didn’t want any, and she said something along the lines of “oh i know, but it’s for everyone else.” my other friends agreed that they wanted beer or something. i said that it was a party for me, and i really didn’t want to be the only one not drinking on my own birthday, so there wasn’t going to be any at all. they said that was selfish and self-centered, and just because i chose not to drink shouldn’t mean they can’t either. i don’t really want to budge here. i feel like it’s not too much to ask for one night without alcohol, but am i wrong? aita? [/INST] nta, real friends would respect your very reasonable wishes not to have alcohol at your party. </s>
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AITA for wanting to celebrate my birthday on Thanksgiving since our families will be present?
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my birthday is nov. 25 which means there are years it falls on or right around the holiday. whenever that happened my parents would just mix my birthday with the holiday and no one in my family minded. celebrating with my friends usually had to wait until the following week. my fiancée "tiffany" knows all about this. last year we moved in together and started to celebrate holidays together. she wanted to have thanksgiving at her parents' last year but, my birthday was also on thanksgiving. tiffany has this tradition with her mom, aunt, and cousin that they go to the closest city to do holiday shopping and have a girls' weekend the weekend after thanksgiving. i agreed we'd spend thanksgiving with her family, no birthday dinner until the following monday since we'd be at her parents and it was up to them how it was handled, she could do her weekend but this year we'd celebrate with my parents. tiffany was all on board with this compromise.
the plan has changed a bit. her family wanted us to go to their house again and see my family before or after but we said no because my family lives almost 4 hours away. we offered to have thanksgiving dinner at our house this year. both families agreed. tiffany and i agreed we'd do as my family did- we'd mix my birthday dinner with thanksgiving since my birthday is the day after thanksgiving this year. this way, i can celebrate with my family since they'd already be in town, no dealing with the friday crowds, and tiffany could still do her yearly girls' weekend with her family. my mom loved this idea and offered to come a day early to help us cook and add some of my favorite things to the menu and make a cake for me instead of extra pies.
we added nachos, homemade sushi, and a cake to the menu and took away some traditional turkey day stuff so it wouldn’t be an insane amount of food. the staples are still there. we sent a list of what we’d be serving to her family so they would know and her parents and aunts asked why there was ‘party food’ at a holiday dinner. we explained the situation and they raised a stink and said that thanksgiving isn’t about me or an appropriate time/place for a birthday.
tiffany is starting to agree with her family and thinks they’re right- the holiday should be about family and not making part of the holiday about me since my birthday is the following day and we should just celebrate my birthday the following week like last year. my view as i’ve told her- i agree but i can’t help when i was born. us being a couple and getting married means we should be finding a way to handle this that works for the two of us, not other people. tiffany and her parents are insisting it is a traditional thanksgiving dinner. i told her i was posting on here for some outside perspectives so reddit aita?
| 274 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yxv0d7/aita_for_wanting_to_celebrate_my_birthday_on/
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2022-11-17 16:45:23
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nta.
you're hosting dinner at your place? you do what you want. if they don't like it, they can stay home. you both need to stop caring what your parent's think too. you're both adults and you are your own nuclear family now.
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nta, my brother's birthday is the same day and that's how we did it with him too. everyone's forgetting that you're family too, and what better way to show thankfulness towards being with family than celebrating the birthday of one of them?
also, they should just deal with it or stay tf home and celebrate on their own.
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nta. it seems a reasonable thing to do since everyone was there and it's basically your family tradition. what traditional foods will you have? just curious what was cut out. maybe have a separate food table for them. they can have their traditional thanksgiving food and you and your family will get extras including your birthday cake. they can sit in the other room during singing and cake. i mean how ridiculous are they being.
them asking you to wait another week for your birthday is pretty rude actually. especially since you compromised last year.
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nta.
last year was your fiancée’s year to celebrate thanksgiving with her family. this year it’s your turn to celebrate how you normally would with your family. in this case, your family wants to include your birthday celebration. your fiancée’s family is invited, too, which is kind of you, but if they don’t like how *your* family wants to celebrate, they don’t have to come.
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my birthday is between christmas and new years. i got shafted many times throughout the years and gave up trying to celebrate it as either got little presents (when younger), they were split between christmas and birthday, or no one was around as everyone was on trips.
nta. celebrate it how you want. who gives a fuck if it's a day early when everyone else is there. also, you're hosting thanksgiving so do whatever food you want. you're the host.
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nta
combining two families means respecting both sets of traditions while creating new ones for your new family that you build together.
you are respecting her traditions regarding the weekend after thanksgiving and you compromised last year when you celebrated with her side of the family and postponed your birthday celebration.
they, however, are not respecting your side or your traditions. it’s your family’s year and her side tried to insist on changes so that they get you this year, while short-changing your family.
you generously offered another compromise by offering to host, while following your family’s tradition of jointly celebrating your birthday, and her family is, again, trying to steamroll over the holiday.
this is something that you and your fiancé need to discuss and set a plan on how to handle this as a couple. because these ‘turf wars’ over traditions and holiday time only escalate when you bring children into the mix.
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nta. as families grow combining holidays and birthdays make sense. otherwise there is a gathering every other week. my family celebrated my son's january bday at christmas, the spring birthdays at easter, summer birthdays at fathers day and fall birthdays on thanksgiving.
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nta. my boyfriend’s birthday is christmas day and my brother’s birthday is the day after christmas. no one has ever questioned why we combine holiday with birthday. it just makes sense to celebrate both on the same day especially if the family is all in one place
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nta. why does it matter to them that there is party food? it’s not offensive, and they don’t even have to eat it. they can just have some of the more standard fare easily.
why does her family feel it’s right to tell you how to celebrate anything?? and why does your fiancée so easily side with them, breaking her word in the process? i think that’s what is a bit concerning here…
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nta. it's your birthday. you get to celebrate it whenever you want.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my birthday is nov. 25 which means there are years it falls on or right around the holiday. whenever that happened my parents would just mix my birthday with the holiday and no one in my family minded. celebrating with my friends usually had to wait until the following week. my fiancée "tiffany" knows all about this. last year we moved in together and started to celebrate holidays together. she wanted to have thanksgiving at her parents' last year but, my birthday was also on thanksgiving. tiffany has this tradition with her mom, aunt, and cousin that they go to the closest city to do holiday shopping and have a girls' weekend the weekend after thanksgiving. i agreed we'd spend thanksgiving with her family, no birthday dinner until the following monday since we'd be at her parents and it was up to them how it was handled, she could do her weekend but this year we'd celebrate with my parents. tiffany was all on board with this compromise. the plan has changed a bit. her family wanted us to go to their house again and see my family before or after but we said no because my family lives almost 4 hours away. we offered to have thanksgiving dinner at our house this year. both families agreed. tiffany and i agreed we'd do as my family did- we'd mix my birthday dinner with thanksgiving since my birthday is the day after thanksgiving this year. this way, i can celebrate with my family since they'd already be in town, no dealing with the friday crowds, and tiffany could still do her yearly girls' weekend with her family. my mom loved this idea and offered to come a day early to help us cook and add some of my favorite things to the menu and make a cake for me instead of extra pies. we added nachos, homemade sushi, and a cake to the menu and took away some traditional turkey day stuff so it wouldn’t be an insane amount of food. the staples are still there. we sent a list of what we’d be serving to her family so they would know and her parents and aunts asked why there was ‘party food’ at a holiday dinner. we explained the situation and they raised a stink and said that thanksgiving isn’t about me or an appropriate time/place for a birthday. tiffany is starting to agree with her family and thinks they’re right- the holiday should be about family and not making part of the holiday about me since my birthday is the following day and we should just celebrate my birthday the following week like last year. my view as i’ve told her- i agree but i can’t help when i was born. us being a couple and getting married means we should be finding a way to handle this that works for the two of us, not other people. tiffany and her parents are insisting it is a traditional thanksgiving dinner. i told her i was posting on here for some outside perspectives so reddit aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my birthday is nov. 25 which means there are years it falls on or right around the holiday. whenever that happened my parents would just mix my birthday with the holiday and no one in my family minded. celebrating with my friends usually had to wait until the following week. my fiancée "tiffany" knows all about this. last year we moved in together and started to celebrate holidays together. she wanted to have thanksgiving at her parents' last year but, my birthday was also on thanksgiving. tiffany has this tradition with her mom, aunt, and cousin that they go to the closest city to do holiday shopping and have a girls' weekend the weekend after thanksgiving. i agreed we'd spend thanksgiving with her family, no birthday dinner until the following monday since we'd be at her parents and it was up to them how it was handled, she could do her weekend but this year we'd celebrate with my parents. tiffany was all on board with this compromise. the plan has changed a bit. her family wanted us to go to their house again and see my family before or after but we said no because my family lives almost 4 hours away. we offered to have thanksgiving dinner at our house this year. both families agreed. tiffany and i agreed we'd do as my family did- we'd mix my birthday dinner with thanksgiving since my birthday is the day after thanksgiving this year. this way, i can celebrate with my family since they'd already be in town, no dealing with the friday crowds, and tiffany could still do her yearly girls' weekend with her family. my mom loved this idea and offered to come a day early to help us cook and add some of my favorite things to the menu and make a cake for me instead of extra pies. we added nachos, homemade sushi, and a cake to the menu and took away some traditional turkey day stuff so it wouldn’t be an insane amount of food. the staples are still there. we sent a list of what we’d be serving to her family so they would know and her parents and aunts asked why there was ‘party food’ at a holiday dinner. we explained the situation and they raised a stink and said that thanksgiving isn’t about me or an appropriate time/place for a birthday. tiffany is starting to agree with her family and thinks they’re right- the holiday should be about family and not making part of the holiday about me since my birthday is the following day and we should just celebrate my birthday the following week like last year. my view as i’ve told her- i agree but i can’t help when i was born. us being a couple and getting married means we should be finding a way to handle this that works for the two of us, not other people. tiffany and her parents are insisting it is a traditional thanksgiving dinner. i told her i was posting on here for some outside perspectives so reddit aita? [/INST] nta. you're hosting dinner at your place? you do what you want. if they don't like it, they can stay home. you both need to stop caring what your parent's think too. you're both adults and you are your own nuclear family now. </s>
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AITA for telling my girlfriend that her actions are the result of mental illness, not empathy
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my girlfriend claims to be an empathetic person but i genuinely believe she is mentally ill and should discuss this with her therapist. here me out:
she cries whenever other people are crying. it doesn’t matter why, if she sees someone crying, she starts tearing up. she won’t watch sports because she tears up if the other team loses too badly. she won’t watch movies that aren’t comedies or children’s movies.
she also laughs when other people laugh. not out of social obligation like a polite chuckle but like a full on laugh and sometimes she can’t stop even when it wasn’t that funny and others have stopped. she says she does it even when she didn’t think it was funny but she just did because other people were and she can’t help it.
these behaviors drive me nuts and i think she should tell her therapist about these compulsions but she refuses. she says i’m an asshole for trying to change her but i’m trying to help her. am i an asshole for telling her this is a mental illness and not just “empathy”?
| 859 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bw5hym/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_her_actions/
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2019-06-03 02:26:54
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yta. life tip: diagnosing someone as mentally ill because you don’t understand their behavior makes you a gigantic dick.
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yta
i get it, it’s a little bit weird. but i don’t really see how this is a huge problem. some people just have really hardcore reactions to other people’s emotions. reminds me of that guy who’s wife couldn’t stop crying because she found out geese could be gay and thought that was “really sweet”.
if you can’t deal with it, get out. it’s not your job to change who she is.
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yta.
* you're not a psychologist.
* you're not her psychologist.
* her reactions aren't harming anyone.
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yta - you’re not a doctor yet you’re diagnosing someone because you’re annoyed
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yta.
she’s weird. everyone is weird in some way. it honestly does sound like she’s a highly empathetic person. but she sounds fine.
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yta. the crying over the sports teams is a bit much, but being an empath means you actually feel the emotions of others. if they cry, you cry, if they laugh you laugh. you’re not a doctor, don’t diagnose.
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yta. you're playing an armchair psychologist, which in it of itself, pisses people off.
let her be. she's who she is.
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yta. it would be highly unethical for you to diagnose a loved one or partner if you were a therapist, but you're trying to get her to either seek therapy or pressuring her to make her therapy sessions about your armchair diagnosis of her. it's not unusual for people to tear up when others cry or to laugh when others laugh because of empathy, and certainly not enough on its own to be the diagnostic criteria for anything. it sounds like you may know that she sees a therapist, so you want to categorize anything you don't get as pathological, which is incredibly stigmatizing. it strikes me as a bit controlling that you want her to make therapy sessions about resolving things you have diagnosed her with as well.
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[deleted]
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nah i get that it's not nice to suggest that someone in mentally ill, but her behavior is very very abnormal. if someone close to you was having very strange *physical* symptoms would it be assholish to suggest they are ill and should see a doctor? one the one hand, we want mental illness to have no stigma, but on the other, it's not nice/appropriate to tell a person we think they're mentally ill and to get checked out.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
| 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my girlfriend claims to be an empathetic person but i genuinely believe she is mentally ill and should discuss this with her therapist. here me out: she cries whenever other people are crying. it doesn’t matter why, if she sees someone crying, she starts tearing up. she won’t watch sports because she tears up if the other team loses too badly. she won’t watch movies that aren’t comedies or children’s movies. she also laughs when other people laugh. not out of social obligation like a polite chuckle but like a full on laugh and sometimes she can’t stop even when it wasn’t that funny and others have stopped. she says she does it even when she didn’t think it was funny but she just did because other people were and she can’t help it. these behaviors drive me nuts and i think she should tell her therapist about these compulsions but she refuses. she says i’m an asshole for trying to change her but i’m trying to help her. am i an asshole for telling her this is a mental illness and not just “empathy”?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriend claims to be an empathetic person but i genuinely believe she is mentally ill and should discuss this with her therapist. here me out: she cries whenever other people are crying. it doesn’t matter why, if she sees someone crying, she starts tearing up. she won’t watch sports because she tears up if the other team loses too badly. she won’t watch movies that aren’t comedies or children’s movies. she also laughs when other people laugh. not out of social obligation like a polite chuckle but like a full on laugh and sometimes she can’t stop even when it wasn’t that funny and others have stopped. she says she does it even when she didn’t think it was funny but she just did because other people were and she can’t help it. these behaviors drive me nuts and i think she should tell her therapist about these compulsions but she refuses. she says i’m an asshole for trying to change her but i’m trying to help her. am i an asshole for telling her this is a mental illness and not just “empathy”? [/INST] yta. life tip: diagnosing someone as mentally ill because you don’t understand their behavior makes you a gigantic dick. </s>
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AITA for refusing to comply to my roommate's request?
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(repost since the last one got removed)
so my roommate (22m) and i (22m) have very different sleep schedules. he likes to go to bed quite early (9 pm) and also wakes up very early. i, on the other hand, usually go to sleep later and also wake up much later.
usually when i'm awake after he has gone to sleep i try to be as quiet as possible. i don't hang around in our shared living room/kitchen and i take showers earlier than i normally would. however, sometimes i stay out late with my friends (not crazy late, more like 11 pm to 12 am) and me coming home and opening the door wakes him up. i don't think i'm slamming it or anything but i also obviously can't open it completely silently.
so my roommate asked me if i could start coming home before he goes to sleep and i said no. my friend has also offered that i could come and sleep on his couch if i'm staying out late but i feel like i should be allowed to go to my own home and not bother my friend.
i would prefer that my roommate and i got along and he wouldn't view me as the noisy roommate but i also feel like he is being unreasonable. aita?
| 8,198 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/skk4lw/aita_for_refusing_to_comply_to_my_roommates/
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2022-02-04 18:11:27
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nta. you pay rent, you can come and go as you please. you're not throwing parties or anything. you can request he keeps his door closed or if he wants, he can wear earplugs. if he wants total silence he should live alone.
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nta. if he is that light of a sleeper, he needs to consider his options (white noise, ear plugs, etc) or live alone. honestly 😂
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info: have you tried asking him to stay in his room until you wake up in the morning?
unfortunately people who are early to bed and early to rise often assume a weird sense of moral superiority over people who are awake for exactly the same length of time but later in the day. such a request might help him realise what an ass he is being.
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nta. "try not to make too much noise when you get in" is reasonable. "be back home by 9 pm) is not.
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nta. expecting you to be home before 9 is incredibly unreasonable. as long as you do your best to be quiet and aren't stumbling around drunk slamming things, this is his problem to deal with. he needs to try earplugs, a white noise machine, etc.
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nta, roommate needs earplugs or a sound machine. telling you to be home before 9pm is like having a parent with a curfew, forget that.
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nta
you have a roomate, not a landlord/parent. you pay rent just like he does, so you get to come home when you are ready to come home. as long as you are trying not to be super loud, you are fine.
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nta. it's fine to make reasonable accommodations (like you reduce your noise), but this guy needs to try and find a compromise like ear plugs or a white noise machine.
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nta.
he is being unreasonable. he has a roommate.. he can't expect a silent house all the time. thats pretty early to go to bed too. you are obviously allowed to live your life and you're trying to be silent. he should get a noise machine, use earplugs.. whatever works for him. its a him problem tho and he needs to find a way to fix it.
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absolutely nta.
your roommate sounds like they have led a very sheltered life but the big wide world isn't a place where you can command a complete absence of noise after you decide to go to sleep.
there are social norms that we all generally adhere to and it sounds like you are trying to minimise your noise.
your roommate has no right to impose his sleep habits on you. he should be learning to cope. presumably at some point they will have a family - believe me, there's no such thing as absolute silence at night when you have children in the house.
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: (repost since the last one got removed) so my roommate (22m) and i (22m) have very different sleep schedules. he likes to go to bed quite early (9 pm) and also wakes up very early. i, on the other hand, usually go to sleep later and also wake up much later. usually when i'm awake after he has gone to sleep i try to be as quiet as possible. i don't hang around in our shared living room/kitchen and i take showers earlier than i normally would. however, sometimes i stay out late with my friends (not crazy late, more like 11 pm to 12 am) and me coming home and opening the door wakes him up. i don't think i'm slamming it or anything but i also obviously can't open it completely silently. so my roommate asked me if i could start coming home before he goes to sleep and i said no. my friend has also offered that i could come and sleep on his couch if i'm staying out late but i feel like i should be allowed to go to my own home and not bother my friend. i would prefer that my roommate and i got along and he wouldn't view me as the noisy roommate but i also feel like he is being unreasonable. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
(repost since the last one got removed) so my roommate (22m) and i (22m) have very different sleep schedules. he likes to go to bed quite early (9 pm) and also wakes up very early. i, on the other hand, usually go to sleep later and also wake up much later. usually when i'm awake after he has gone to sleep i try to be as quiet as possible. i don't hang around in our shared living room/kitchen and i take showers earlier than i normally would. however, sometimes i stay out late with my friends (not crazy late, more like 11 pm to 12 am) and me coming home and opening the door wakes him up. i don't think i'm slamming it or anything but i also obviously can't open it completely silently. so my roommate asked me if i could start coming home before he goes to sleep and i said no. my friend has also offered that i could come and sleep on his couch if i'm staying out late but i feel like i should be allowed to go to my own home and not bother my friend. i would prefer that my roommate and i got along and he wouldn't view me as the noisy roommate but i also feel like he is being unreasonable. aita? [/INST] nta. you pay rent, you can come and go as you please. you're not throwing parties or anything. you can request he keeps his door closed or if he wants, he can wear earplugs. if he wants total silence he should live alone. </s>
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AITA for asking my boyfriend to leave the bathroom while I take a shit?
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my boyfriend and i live in a small one bedroom apartment with one bathroom. every time he takes a shower in the morning he likes to lay in the bathtub on his phone for as long as possible "relaxing" before work. this is already mildly obnoxious because he always says he doesn't have time for things before work, but he will spend as much time as possible in the bathtub. sometimes while he is in the bathtub i will have to use the toilet. this is not exactly on a schedule for me as i have anxiety-related ibs, so if i have a panic attack or get super stressed i won't shit for 3 days. this also means if i have to shit, but then i get into a fight with my boyfriend about it, i may not be able to any more because my body goes into "fight mode". he claims that it is manipulative that i can force him to take shorter showers whenever i want by claiming i have to shit, and i should learn to do that when it is my bathroom time. aita for asking my boyfriend to wrap it up in the bathroom when i have to shit?
edited because he found this post and would like to say: "well did you tell the internet i work doubles, and this happens all the time?!"
| 950 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jybq0p/aita_for_asking_my_boyfriend_to_leave_the/
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2020-11-21 14:36:04
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nta. ngl...this would be a deal breaker for me. i’m not interested in having anyone in the bathroom while i’m taking a shit, period, regardless. and if he’s not bathing just...lying there in the tub on his phone...he needs to get up and vacate so you can do your business. was he raised by wild animals?
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wait, so you have to learn to shit when it's your bathroom time but his bathroom time is pretty much all morning long as long as he feels like it? hmmm.
nta
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nta. a person can control when and for how long he showers. while defecation is a natural process that a person cannot force to reschedule.
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did he just say because he works doubles he gets to be a hog all the time?
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nta. if his bath time is more important to him than your health, it may be time to part ways.
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nta: you have ibs! there is no scheduled pooping time! he needs to be less ofa bathroom hog, especially if he has no time for anything else but plenty of time to lounge in the tub on his phone.
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nta. does your boyfriend know you have ibs? because if he does he’s a giant asshole.
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nta.
don't really care if he's working doubles. you can't schedule a shit, especially with ibs. he can absolutely help that he's lying in the bathtub doing nothing except being on his phone and "relaxing". really, dude? really? toilet needs *definitely* trump his desire to chill in the only bathroom you guys have for an excessive amount of time in the morning.
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nta.
btw, your boyfriend has a big redflag saying you're manipulative because he spends too much in the shower.
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> edited because he found this post and would like to say: "well did you tell the internet i work doubles, and this happens all the time?!"
lol. to boyfriend—
no shit! you know you have one ducking bathroom. what, are you a mermaid? when your girlfriend asks for using, get yourself up and clean fast. she needs to let her shit go. c’mon. you have to know that she has ibs.
no one want to inhale gross stinky and all that shit. you high?
thanks,
a stranger on internet.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my boyfriend and i live in a small one bedroom apartment with one bathroom. every time he takes a shower in the morning he likes to lay in the bathtub on his phone for as long as possible "relaxing" before work. this is already mildly obnoxious because he always says he doesn't have time for things before work, but he will spend as much time as possible in the bathtub. sometimes while he is in the bathtub i will have to use the toilet. this is not exactly on a schedule for me as i have anxiety-related ibs, so if i have a panic attack or get super stressed i won't shit for 3 days. this also means if i have to shit, but then i get into a fight with my boyfriend about it, i may not be able to any more because my body goes into "fight mode". he claims that it is manipulative that i can force him to take shorter showers whenever i want by claiming i have to shit, and i should learn to do that when it is my bathroom time. aita for asking my boyfriend to wrap it up in the bathroom when i have to shit? edited because he found this post and would like to say: "well did you tell the internet i work doubles, and this happens all the time?!"
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my boyfriend and i live in a small one bedroom apartment with one bathroom. every time he takes a shower in the morning he likes to lay in the bathtub on his phone for as long as possible "relaxing" before work. this is already mildly obnoxious because he always says he doesn't have time for things before work, but he will spend as much time as possible in the bathtub. sometimes while he is in the bathtub i will have to use the toilet. this is not exactly on a schedule for me as i have anxiety-related ibs, so if i have a panic attack or get super stressed i won't shit for 3 days. this also means if i have to shit, but then i get into a fight with my boyfriend about it, i may not be able to any more because my body goes into "fight mode". he claims that it is manipulative that i can force him to take shorter showers whenever i want by claiming i have to shit, and i should learn to do that when it is my bathroom time. aita for asking my boyfriend to wrap it up in the bathroom when i have to shit? edited because he found this post and would like to say: "well did you tell the internet i work doubles, and this happens all the time?!" [/INST] nta. ngl...this would be a deal breaker for me. i’m not interested in having anyone in the bathroom while i’m taking a shit, period, regardless. and if he’s not bathing just...lying there in the tub on his phone...he needs to get up and vacate so you can do your business. was he raised by wild animals? </s>
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AITA for letting my SIL live with me while she and my sister are separated?
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my sil and my sister have been married for five years. my sil was a man (i'm sorry if this is bad phrasing) at the time, and started transitioning a few months into the marriage. my sister's not into women, so they considered divorce, but decided they would stay together, anyway.
now that sil has done reassignment surgery, my sister is not attracted to her at all, and my sil admitted that that was okay as she's realized she's not into women either.
my sister has been going through a lot of emotional turmoil for the past five years, so even though sil originally contributed most of the money towards buying their house, my sister is the one living in it with their cat and dog. i think that's only fair.
the only trouble is, sil lost her job because of covid, and all her family is in her home country, so i offered to let her stay at my place. i've always gotten on well with her, and although i believe she's put my sister through a lot of pain, it's a bad situation and i generally try to lend a hand when i can.
my sister is now livid. she's told the rest of the family, and they all agree it seems like i'm picking sides...honestly, i'm on my sister's side, but i just don't hate my sil for it. i can see where this seems like i'm picking sides, though, as their divorce process hasn't exactly been cordial. my sister has also been implying i'm taking favours from sil in exchange for her living there, which is so ridiculous, but my parents have been telling me that as a young man, the arrangement is pretty inappropriate considering sil likes men and still hasn't had a relationship with one. aita?
| 204 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ksivaf/aita_for_letting_my_sil_live_with_me_while_she/
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2021-01-07 18:08:20
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nta. i usually think that you should support your blood relation in a breakup/divorce. but this is a really tricky situation and coupled with a global pandemic and her having no other local support system, i think it’s lovely you’re stepping in to help her.
i would make clear to your sister you’re on her side though.
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nta tell your sister to let her wife live in the house then, and she can live with you.
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nah, your sister is hurt and even though its no ones fault she has a right to be hurt and go through emotions. your trying to help someone who has no support system who yes, broke a heart but they are trying to be true to themselves. its going to creat *"bumps"* in your family dynamics but imo your doing the right thing.
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shit. that’s crazy.
i’d say esh. you’re choosing to help a person that has caused your sister a lot of pain by being a good person.
there’s no right or wrong answer here.
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yta light. i think your family insinuating that you’re doing something sexual are the bigger assholes.
it’s a sticky situation. first and foremost, your sister and sil are getting divorced. which means sil absolutely should not be living with you, regardless of your friendship with her. it would be one thing to extend your friendship and support to sil while maintaining an amount of distance, but inviting her into your home is unfortunately inappropriate in the situation.
kudos to sil for figuring out who she is, but if she wasn’t clear on it at the time, she shouldn’t have pursued a marriage to your sister either. your sister has gone through the ringer in her marriage, at this person’s hands. intentionally or not, your sil caused her a great deal of harm and emotional distress.
but, at the end of the day, it has nothing to do with your sil transitioning- those are extraneous details. the bare bones of it are that your sil and sister are getting divorced, and even if you’re emotionally on your sister’s side, you’re not representing that by living with the person who she is getting divorced from.
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wow. nta. just because you two are attracted to the opposite gender doesn’t mean you two are doing anything sexual. your family doesn’t seem to understand the situation or the stress you sil is in for discovering her identity late. people are more likely to be on the side of a cis woman realizing she is gay years into marriage than this.
if there wasn’t any malicious intentions from your sil you are doing a wonderful thing for a person struggling in life and i wish you both the absolute best. i know it sucks for your sister, and maybe to some extent your family, but it’s about everyone and how they handle it individually and together.
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nah. it sounds like she's put your sister through a lot of pain and while i don't necessarily think you're an a hole for helping your sil of 5 years. i also don't think your sister is either, she's in pain. i would caution you though that if your sister feels betrayed by you then your relationship with her is unlikely to recover.
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not sure how to judge. the fact that your sister in law started actual tansitioning a "few months" into the marriage means its something she was aware of at the time she married your sister. that seems like an ah move to me. however, you hear from people that sometimes it's difficult to actually realize things and it's not unheard of that the social pressure can confuse, so i would say if she truly didn't realize it until after marriage then maybe not ah.
i think you're trying to be a good person and it seems like you're helping out a friend which is not an ah move, but your sister has been blindsided by this person and probably doesn't need them around right now. you housing them could seem like you're choosing this person's side. which is kind of an ah move.
i guess, in the end, i would need more info to judge this.
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[deleted]
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yes and no. 🤷🏼♂️
you’re being a great friend to the sil for being there and not forcing this person to be sol. but you prob should have communicated your thoughts to your sister beforehand. simple conversation about wanting to help the sister get out of this mess, while also helping the sil. shitty situation but you’re not wrong for being there for the sil.
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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ESH
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YTA
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NTA
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NAH
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INFO
| null | null | 0.33291 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sil and my sister have been married for five years. my sil was a man (i'm sorry if this is bad phrasing) at the time, and started transitioning a few months into the marriage. my sister's not into women, so they considered divorce, but decided they would stay together, anyway. now that sil has done reassignment surgery, my sister is not attracted to her at all, and my sil admitted that that was okay as she's realized she's not into women either. my sister has been going through a lot of emotional turmoil for the past five years, so even though sil originally contributed most of the money towards buying their house, my sister is the one living in it with their cat and dog. i think that's only fair. the only trouble is, sil lost her job because of covid, and all her family is in her home country, so i offered to let her stay at my place. i've always gotten on well with her, and although i believe she's put my sister through a lot of pain, it's a bad situation and i generally try to lend a hand when i can. my sister is now livid. she's told the rest of the family, and they all agree it seems like i'm picking sides...honestly, i'm on my sister's side, but i just don't hate my sil for it. i can see where this seems like i'm picking sides, though, as their divorce process hasn't exactly been cordial. my sister has also been implying i'm taking favours from sil in exchange for her living there, which is so ridiculous, but my parents have been telling me that as a young man, the arrangement is pretty inappropriate considering sil likes men and still hasn't had a relationship with one. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sil and my sister have been married for five years. my sil was a man (i'm sorry if this is bad phrasing) at the time, and started transitioning a few months into the marriage. my sister's not into women, so they considered divorce, but decided they would stay together, anyway. now that sil has done reassignment surgery, my sister is not attracted to her at all, and my sil admitted that that was okay as she's realized she's not into women either. my sister has been going through a lot of emotional turmoil for the past five years, so even though sil originally contributed most of the money towards buying their house, my sister is the one living in it with their cat and dog. i think that's only fair. the only trouble is, sil lost her job because of covid, and all her family is in her home country, so i offered to let her stay at my place. i've always gotten on well with her, and although i believe she's put my sister through a lot of pain, it's a bad situation and i generally try to lend a hand when i can. my sister is now livid. she's told the rest of the family, and they all agree it seems like i'm picking sides...honestly, i'm on my sister's side, but i just don't hate my sil for it. i can see where this seems like i'm picking sides, though, as their divorce process hasn't exactly been cordial. my sister has also been implying i'm taking favours from sil in exchange for her living there, which is so ridiculous, but my parents have been telling me that as a young man, the arrangement is pretty inappropriate considering sil likes men and still hasn't had a relationship with one. aita? [/INST] nta. i usually think that you should support your blood relation in a breakup/divorce. but this is a really tricky situation and coupled with a global pandemic and her having no other local support system, i think it’s lovely you’re stepping in to help her. i would make clear to your sister you’re on her side though. </s>
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AITA for saying "OK Boomer" to my brother?
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i'm 58 and my brother's 67. mentally i feel about 30, and he's always been the serious type. there's nothing more for him to love than complaining about millennials. i don't think some of his complaints are wrong. but, they're not exclusive to the millennials. we've always been entitled, not just our young people, and our generation's the one at fault for dumbing down our country's educational system. and the rest of his complaints can be applied to any young people throughout history... i know this because we were considered the me, me, me generation growing up, the one before that, and so on.
today, my brother was eating dinner with me and my wife. he started with "these entitled fucking millennials are trying to make the law cater to them now." i asked him what happened, and it was something a young politician said that actually made sense. he continued on and on about millennials, to which i said "ok boomer." he sat there, yelled at me to grow up, and walked out. my wife took me aside and said it was childish and that he has the right to an opinion. i do think it was childish; i should've told him i didn't want to hear it. my wife said she was trying not to laugh because she hates him, but it was still the wrong thing to. aita?
| 486 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/emk9ah/aita_for_saying_ok_boomer_to_my_brother/
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2020-01-10 02:17:31
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nta - a bit of humour is good, your brother is a grumpy guy get him somenpot.
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nta jesus. he sounds like he needs like a slice of cake. or a millennial friend to show him a good time.
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nta but the thought of a 58 year old using the phrase "ok boomer" to refer to someone slightly older than them is hilarious. thank you for being aware of memes
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nta. however, you used the hard r version. the appropriate response would've been "ok booma". "booma" has a friendlier connotation and comes across less hostile. such a small change makes a huge difference.
thanks for sticking up for us mah booma!
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why is he offended by two words? also he's the one that "stormed out" essentially and asked you to grow up, to which i say. nah bro, you ought to
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he got upset just over "ok, boomer"? sorry but i can't help laugh a little. no judgement just thanks for the laugh lol
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nta-eh seems like a trivial sibling spat that will go on until we're in our graves. at his age, he just showed his double standards or his hypocrisy he's complaint about.
i think what you said was alright and if he can't take that type of joke..he's got some growing up to do haha.
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so, he admitted that boomers have set up the system to cater them? and he's mad millenials want the same? boomer in a nutshell right there.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| null |
NTA
| null | null | null | 0.001294 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm 58 and my brother's 67. mentally i feel about 30, and he's always been the serious type. there's nothing more for him to love than complaining about millennials. i don't think some of his complaints are wrong. but, they're not exclusive to the millennials. we've always been entitled, not just our young people, and our generation's the one at fault for dumbing down our country's educational system. and the rest of his complaints can be applied to any young people throughout history... i know this because we were considered the me, me, me generation growing up, the one before that, and so on. today, my brother was eating dinner with me and my wife. he started with "these entitled fucking millennials are trying to make the law cater to them now." i asked him what happened, and it was something a young politician said that actually made sense. he continued on and on about millennials, to which i said "ok boomer." he sat there, yelled at me to grow up, and walked out. my wife took me aside and said it was childish and that he has the right to an opinion. i do think it was childish; i should've told him i didn't want to hear it. my wife said she was trying not to laugh because she hates him, but it was still the wrong thing to. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm 58 and my brother's 67. mentally i feel about 30, and he's always been the serious type. there's nothing more for him to love than complaining about millennials. i don't think some of his complaints are wrong. but, they're not exclusive to the millennials. we've always been entitled, not just our young people, and our generation's the one at fault for dumbing down our country's educational system. and the rest of his complaints can be applied to any young people throughout history... i know this because we were considered the me, me, me generation growing up, the one before that, and so on. today, my brother was eating dinner with me and my wife. he started with "these entitled fucking millennials are trying to make the law cater to them now." i asked him what happened, and it was something a young politician said that actually made sense. he continued on and on about millennials, to which i said "ok boomer." he sat there, yelled at me to grow up, and walked out. my wife took me aside and said it was childish and that he has the right to an opinion. i do think it was childish; i should've told him i didn't want to hear it. my wife said she was trying not to laugh because she hates him, but it was still the wrong thing to. aita? [/INST] nta - a bit of humour is good, your brother is a grumpy guy get him somenpot. </s>
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WIBTA if I told a coworker to stop pressing about “healthy treats”?
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at my work i (31f) am the head of a department of 6 other people. we have official meetings every 3-ish weeks. and each time someone brings treats. we’ve never had restrictions on what people can bring - apart from one person’s allergies - and have had some people who love to bake or those who just pick something up from the grocery store, everyone happy to take their turn. and it’s always been a nice thing. but lately it’s gotten to be more of a headache.
i have a coworker (40s f) who has been on a very restrictive diet for the last year. it’s the same diet that i had been on twice before - medication/doctor-assisted, 1200 calorie per day, heavily tracking-based. it is some incredibly disordered stuff. this coworker is also a friend of mine and she has talked to me a lot about her diet and its ups and downs and she is very militant about sticking to her tracking/goals. to the point that *everyone* has to hear about it and it impacts any social event with food. she’s one of those “oh i can’t eat that” people. as i said, i’ve done it twice, i know how obsessive this can be.
so anytime the topic of someone bringing treats to the next meeting gets brought up she always has to make some comment/plea/harp about “healthy treats please.” and it is really getting on my nerves. i can’t tell if the rest of the department gets annoyed by it or if i’m the only one who notices because i know what she is going through with this diet.
i’m totally ok with her bringing healthy treats. one time she brought stuff for greek yogurt and fruit parfaits. love that. but i don’t think she should limit other people just because she’s on a diet.
so wibta if i politely but firmly shut her down next time she brings up “healthy treats please”?
| 572 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pu8c7s/wibta_if_i_told_a_coworker_to_stop_pressing_about/
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2021-09-24 00:21:49
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nta. your friend/coworker is trying to make her diet everyone else's problem. no one is obligated to bring "treats" that comply with her restrictive diet. her behavior is obsessive, entitled and unreasonable. you can only control your own behavior. there is nothing stopping her from either not eating the "unhealthy" treats or from bringing her own "healthy" treats during this meeting.
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nta. when it’s her turn, she’s free to bring only healthy options. if her dietary choices—not allergies—keep her from eating the things other people bring, then she is free to bring her own food for herself.
she doesn’t get to insist on what others bring. in fact, i’d go so far as to say that allergies are the *only* dietary restrictions that should be put forth in this sort of situation, and that’s because cross contamination could endanger someone with a severe allergy even if they don’t partake in the treats with their allergen.
she can’t gain weight from cross contamination and should therefore bring her own snacks or do without.
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nta. asking everyone else to follow a restrictive diet is an unreasonable request. you would not be the asshole for not choosing to enforce it.
that said, i would also offer her the chance to not bring snacks. if she can't eat the snacks most of the time it would only be fair.
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nta,
her ability to control herself is her problem. not yours. this diet is not a medical necessity, it is a choice. therefore, not your problem.
at work we had a center table on console, the rule of the table was if food is put on it, it's fair game. so we would bring in treats for the console, usually cookies. one person was on a diet who didn't work on console, he was back office. that person would come up and get irritated and say that we needed to stop bringing this shit in cuz he couldn't control himself. that was his problem. not ours.
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nta. none of you have to change what you bring in to accommodate her diet. you still can, but it's all up to you.
if she wants food for her diet, she should be the one bringing it.
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nta
she can just ignore the unhealthy treats. she will need to ignore unsuitable choices 100 times a day outside the meeting room. she can always bring a bag of celery sticks to munch on....and i do not say that lightly. i have done that in the past.
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nta - but don't bother because honestly it'll just start drama and you don't need more drama at work.
it sounds like most people are bringing whatever the hell they want to anyways, and all she's doing is making more and more people sick of her whinging.
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nta, but, like, why? what are you going to do other than manufacture drama? everyone there is an adult and can decide whether or not to humor her for themselves, saying something is not going to get any sort of "good" reaction, just bring the snacks you want and let it go.
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nta - i would be more casual about it, after she asks for healthy treats i would just say that you look forward to the treat of the week healthy or otherwise. if she questions you about it, then you can have that discussion since she brought it up.
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i’m going to be the odd one out and say nah, idk as someone with food allergies i get wanting to be included and i also understand not wanting to limit yourself to what they can eat.
what about bringing a single alternative along with the other treats just for her so she doesn’t have to be left out? nothing major, maybe a single granola bar or a small thing of yogurt so you aren’t limiting others to her diet but still including her
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: at my work i (31f) am the head of a department of 6 other people. we have official meetings every 3-ish weeks. and each time someone brings treats. we’ve never had restrictions on what people can bring - apart from one person’s allergies - and have had some people who love to bake or those who just pick something up from the grocery store, everyone happy to take their turn. and it’s always been a nice thing. but lately it’s gotten to be more of a headache. i have a coworker (40s f) who has been on a very restrictive diet for the last year. it’s the same diet that i had been on twice before - medication/doctor-assisted, 1200 calorie per day, heavily tracking-based. it is some incredibly disordered stuff. this coworker is also a friend of mine and she has talked to me a lot about her diet and its ups and downs and she is very militant about sticking to her tracking/goals. to the point that *everyone* has to hear about it and it impacts any social event with food. she’s one of those “oh i can’t eat that” people. as i said, i’ve done it twice, i know how obsessive this can be. so anytime the topic of someone bringing treats to the next meeting gets brought up she always has to make some comment/plea/harp about “healthy treats please.” and it is really getting on my nerves. i can’t tell if the rest of the department gets annoyed by it or if i’m the only one who notices because i know what she is going through with this diet. i’m totally ok with her bringing healthy treats. one time she brought stuff for greek yogurt and fruit parfaits. love that. but i don’t think she should limit other people just because she’s on a diet. so wibta if i politely but firmly shut her down next time she brings up “healthy treats please”?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
at my work i (31f) am the head of a department of 6 other people. we have official meetings every 3-ish weeks. and each time someone brings treats. we’ve never had restrictions on what people can bring - apart from one person’s allergies - and have had some people who love to bake or those who just pick something up from the grocery store, everyone happy to take their turn. and it’s always been a nice thing. but lately it’s gotten to be more of a headache. i have a coworker (40s f) who has been on a very restrictive diet for the last year. it’s the same diet that i had been on twice before - medication/doctor-assisted, 1200 calorie per day, heavily tracking-based. it is some incredibly disordered stuff. this coworker is also a friend of mine and she has talked to me a lot about her diet and its ups and downs and she is very militant about sticking to her tracking/goals. to the point that *everyone* has to hear about it and it impacts any social event with food. she’s one of those “oh i can’t eat that” people. as i said, i’ve done it twice, i know how obsessive this can be. so anytime the topic of someone bringing treats to the next meeting gets brought up she always has to make some comment/plea/harp about “healthy treats please.” and it is really getting on my nerves. i can’t tell if the rest of the department gets annoyed by it or if i’m the only one who notices because i know what she is going through with this diet. i’m totally ok with her bringing healthy treats. one time she brought stuff for greek yogurt and fruit parfaits. love that. but i don’t think she should limit other people just because she’s on a diet. so wibta if i politely but firmly shut her down next time she brings up “healthy treats please”? [/INST] nta. your friend/coworker is trying to make her diet everyone else's problem. no one is obligated to bring "treats" that comply with her restrictive diet. her behavior is obsessive, entitled and unreasonable. you can only control your own behavior. there is nothing stopping her from either not eating the "unhealthy" treats or from bringing her own "healthy" treats during this meeting. </s>
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AITA for kicking my parents out of the house after they make mean comments about my work?
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i have a freelance job. i also work with onlyfans and escort (which is my biggest source of income). don't worry community moderators, i won't say anything nsfw, my audience is very specific and they are not for that. and i'm not american.
after 3 years working like this, i bought a 3bd/2ba house with my own effort and it's great for me as i'm single and i don't have kids.
my parents, after several irresponsible and financially dumb decisions, were no longer able to pay the rent on the house they lived in.
my parents and i aren't close, as they disagreed and were very judgmental about my life decisions, as were my brothers. but i welcomed them at home until they were able to stabilize, since my brothers couldn't receive them because they didn't have space.
they've been living with me for 3 months. my work is inside my office and it has always been said that no one could enter that place, even to clean.
my brothers came to visit us on wednesday and started talking.
in one of the conversations that was taking place, my brother talked about being facing financial difficulties and my mother said the following sentence.
"oh, do like your sister, take bitch pictures and post them on the internet, she got a house because she's pretty. you're pretty too, maybe you can" and laughed.
she also started to say that she was afraid of my office, as it was frighteningly creepy. i asked how she knew what my office was like and she said she peeked in after seeing i accidentally left the door unlocked one day.
after this, my parents made some salty comments and i, angry, said in a not too serious tone "oh, at least i don't live at my kids' house."
my parents were embarrassed and i confirmed it again, seriously this time "i'm serious, the door is open for you to leave".
dinner is obviously over and again when my brothers were leaving, i with the door open still asked if my parents weren't leaving too.
my parents packed their things and went to a hotel.
they sent a message saying that i shouldn't be so sensitive with comments about my work and that i shouldn't be surprised that people think so. and that i had overreacted by kicking them out of my house for silly comments. my whole family is on their side and that at the very least i should help pay for the hotel they are staying in, because they are there because of me.
i don't know if i overreacted and went too far, but i don't tolerate being disrespected.
aita?
| 6,387 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u9eim4/aita_for_kicking_my_parents_out_of_the_house/
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2022-04-22 13:19:52
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nta, sounds like you are the only one with your shit together. you are absolutely right, they need to leave if they can't handle how you make the money to keep a roof over their heads.
>my parents were embarrassed and i confirmed it again, seriously this time "i'm serious, the door is open for you to leave".
you are a goddess for standing up for yourself like this.
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nta.
if they are happy to live off your earnings, they have no right to judge or make sparky comments.
well done for what you have achieved for yourself.
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nta
your parents feel like they are entitled to both talk down about your work **and** the fruits of your labor. in no world to they get to talk shit about what you do while reaping the benefits of your work.
they can either accept your profession and the support that can come along with it or neither, but they can't reject what you do with their hands out for the money you make doing it
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nta. your parents aren't in a hotel because of you. they are in a hotel because they lost their home due to their own financial missteps. they were also bad guests when you offered them shelter. if any of your family blame you for their situation, remind them that they could take your parents in to solve their problems. it can't be only your fault if no one else is helping them.
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don't bite the hand that feeds you..
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if they're so hostile and embarrassed about your work, they shouldn't get to live in the house that was paid for by your work. nta.
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nta. imagine shaming someone’s job when that job is providing the safe, clean roof over their heads. you don’t owe them a cent.
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nta. they aren’t in the hotel bc of you. they are there bc they didn’t handle their finances
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nta. screw what other people might say about how you reacted 'cause they're your parents.
if they're happy to move in with you in a house you funded with your earnings then they should respect you in your home.
people might say "well if you're on onlyfans and an escort then you should take this stuff on a chin"
no, you don't. it's a job. escorting doesn't always result in sex and onlyfans is a voyeuristic venture and the people who pay for those things know exactly what they're paying for. if there wasn't a demand, you wouldn't have gotten enough money to buy your own house.
take the fact that they're your parents out of it. if it was a partner or a friend it would still be unacceptable. you don't owe them the money for their hotel room.
this is exactly a situation of people biting the hand that feeds them and in this case thinking it's fine cause they're your parents/family.
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nta
so they’re comfortable with your job paying for a roof over their head but simultaneously find it creepy? they’re rife with hypocrisy. if you - apparently shouldn’t be surprised that people would make such comments, then they shouldn’t be surprised that those comments will garner reactions. actio - reactio. throwing stones in a glass house that doesn’t belong to them…
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a freelance job. i also work with onlyfans and escort (which is my biggest source of income). don't worry community moderators, i won't say anything nsfw, my audience is very specific and they are not for that. and i'm not american. after 3 years working like this, i bought a 3bd/2ba house with my own effort and it's great for me as i'm single and i don't have kids. my parents, after several irresponsible and financially dumb decisions, were no longer able to pay the rent on the house they lived in. my parents and i aren't close, as they disagreed and were very judgmental about my life decisions, as were my brothers. but i welcomed them at home until they were able to stabilize, since my brothers couldn't receive them because they didn't have space. they've been living with me for 3 months. my work is inside my office and it has always been said that no one could enter that place, even to clean. my brothers came to visit us on wednesday and started talking. in one of the conversations that was taking place, my brother talked about being facing financial difficulties and my mother said the following sentence. "oh, do like your sister, take bitch pictures and post them on the internet, she got a house because she's pretty. you're pretty too, maybe you can" and laughed. she also started to say that she was afraid of my office, as it was frighteningly creepy. i asked how she knew what my office was like and she said she peeked in after seeing i accidentally left the door unlocked one day. after this, my parents made some salty comments and i, angry, said in a not too serious tone "oh, at least i don't live at my kids' house." my parents were embarrassed and i confirmed it again, seriously this time "i'm serious, the door is open for you to leave". dinner is obviously over and again when my brothers were leaving, i with the door open still asked if my parents weren't leaving too. my parents packed their things and went to a hotel. they sent a message saying that i shouldn't be so sensitive with comments about my work and that i shouldn't be surprised that people think so. and that i had overreacted by kicking them out of my house for silly comments. my whole family is on their side and that at the very least i should help pay for the hotel they are staying in, because they are there because of me. i don't know if i overreacted and went too far, but i don't tolerate being disrespected. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have a freelance job. i also work with onlyfans and escort (which is my biggest source of income). don't worry community moderators, i won't say anything nsfw, my audience is very specific and they are not for that. and i'm not american. after 3 years working like this, i bought a 3bd/2ba house with my own effort and it's great for me as i'm single and i don't have kids. my parents, after several irresponsible and financially dumb decisions, were no longer able to pay the rent on the house they lived in. my parents and i aren't close, as they disagreed and were very judgmental about my life decisions, as were my brothers. but i welcomed them at home until they were able to stabilize, since my brothers couldn't receive them because they didn't have space. they've been living with me for 3 months. my work is inside my office and it has always been said that no one could enter that place, even to clean. my brothers came to visit us on wednesday and started talking. in one of the conversations that was taking place, my brother talked about being facing financial difficulties and my mother said the following sentence. "oh, do like your sister, take bitch pictures and post them on the internet, she got a house because she's pretty. you're pretty too, maybe you can" and laughed. she also started to say that she was afraid of my office, as it was frighteningly creepy. i asked how she knew what my office was like and she said she peeked in after seeing i accidentally left the door unlocked one day. after this, my parents made some salty comments and i, angry, said in a not too serious tone "oh, at least i don't live at my kids' house." my parents were embarrassed and i confirmed it again, seriously this time "i'm serious, the door is open for you to leave". dinner is obviously over and again when my brothers were leaving, i with the door open still asked if my parents weren't leaving too. my parents packed their things and went to a hotel. they sent a message saying that i shouldn't be so sensitive with comments about my work and that i shouldn't be surprised that people think so. and that i had overreacted by kicking them out of my house for silly comments. my whole family is on their side and that at the very least i should help pay for the hotel they are staying in, because they are there because of me. i don't know if i overreacted and went too far, but i don't tolerate being disrespected. aita? [/INST] nta, sounds like you are the only one with your shit together. you are absolutely right, they need to leave if they can't handle how you make the money to keep a roof over their heads. >my parents were embarrassed and i confirmed it again, seriously this time "i'm serious, the door is open for you to leave". you are a goddess for standing up for yourself like this. </s>
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AITA for not refunding a customer when I made her the wrong drink?
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so i (22f) work in a coffee shop. one of our regular customers is a woman we'll call k. k works in a salon just down the road and she usually comes in every single morning, then during the day she usually sends her clients to pick up drinks before starting whatever service. k has a pretty specific coffee order (single shot skinny vanilla latte, no froth) and she always gets the same.
so a few weeks ago, k came into the store raging. she said that her last five drinks had been wrong and demanded a refund. i was confused because i remember k as her order is so specific and so it is quite rare for me to have to ask what she's getting, let alone make it wrong.
k explained the issues arose with drinks her clients were getting for her - and as she was at work she could not return them. i agreed to give her a refund this time, but explained as nicely as possible to k that i didn't think k's clients were always ordering correctly. we serve so many takeaway vanilla lattes during the day that if a woman who is not k orders "vanilla latte" with another drink and doesn't state the details k wants, we don't know to make it into k's drink. i suggested that it might be beneficial for k to ensure her clients write down her specific requests on their phone before they go order so they will definitely order the correct thing, or that she could text them the order.
a few weeks have passed and k came into the store again, raging. she announced she was fuming because another load of her drinks have been made wrong, including one having ginger which she never has. she accused us of being incredibly inconsistent, wanted her money back, and threatened to take her business elsewhere.
i had been on shift the day one the ginger latte had actually been ordered and remembered it as we don't sell many - it's unusual. i hadn't been on till but i'd overheard the client ask for a "ginger latte" with her drink, and other baristas backed me up saying that incorrect drinks have been asked for which at the time they didn't realise were for k. i tried to explain to k that although i was sorry and understood it was annoying for her, it is our job as workers to make the drink which is ordered. if her clients are not ordering the correct drink, it is important for her to make sure they're aware of her preferences. i told her i would not authorise another refund as she'd already been warned of the issue.
k went off on me saying how ridiculous it was for me not to refund her when she'd received an incorrect order. however, none of the errors in question were errors by the staff serving her and we'd tried to give her tips on how to sort the problem. it's incredibly detrimental to the business for us to keep giving huge refunds when she's not doing anything to sort the issue out herself (not giving clients clearer instructions or telling them to write the order down) so was i the ass for not giving the refund?
| 204 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vavl5s/aita_for_not_refunding_a_customer_when_i_made_her/
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2022-06-12 21:10:45
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nta. you're literally just fulfilling what people order. she can't expect you to somehow know that one drink should actually be another.
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nta. she's being unreasonable. you have no way of verifying whether the drink was right or wrong, and she's not given you any way of knowing. can her customers say "it's for k" when they order, or can she call and say "i'm having customer soandso buy my latte today"? if you're not the manager or owner, can you call them and ask how they would like you to proceed?
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nta
"you did not receive an incorrect order, you asked your client for the wrong drink. the drink you are asking for is not an *x*, its a *y* with *z* etc. if you ask for x, you get x."
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nta. she sounds incredibly entitled. you stick to your guns, let her go elsewhere. if my hairdresser tried to send me out for her coffee before doing my hair, i'd laugh at her and find and another salon. what a strange arrangement!
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nta. her request is laughable. when i was a batista, some employees from a nearby grocery store came in every morning. the "queen bee" of the group was a lot like k and wanted to use this morning activity to show her power and control to her fellow employees. she would do bizarre things like order mocha drinks, standard 4 pumps of mocha, then insist she couldn't taste any mocha. put in 4 pumps, no way to argue either side really. the thing is, she knew it was store policy to remake or adjust it till the customer was happy.
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nta. it sounds deliberate and as if she is using you as a source of cash…. did she pay for the ‘wrong orders’? or did her customers? i would not be using her hair salon!
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nta, if she wants it the right way she can always place the order on an app if you have one and have her client pick it up or she can call in her order so you know her client is picking it up for her. besides, is her client paying for her drink and then she's wanting you guys to refund her the money?
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i (22f) work in a coffee shop. one of our regular customers is a woman we'll call k. k works in a salon just down the road and she usually comes in every single morning, then during the day she usually sends her clients to pick up drinks before starting whatever service. k has a pretty specific coffee order (single shot skinny vanilla latte, no froth) and she always gets the same. so a few weeks ago, k came into the store raging. she said that her last five drinks had been wrong and demanded a refund. i was confused because i remember k as her order is so specific and so it is quite rare for me to have to ask what she's getting, let alone make it wrong. k explained the issues arose with drinks her clients were getting for her - and as she was at work she could not return them. i agreed to give her a refund this time, but explained as nicely as possible to k that i didn't think k's clients were always ordering correctly. we serve so many takeaway vanilla lattes during the day that if a woman who is not k orders "vanilla latte" with another drink and doesn't state the details k wants, we don't know to make it into k's drink. i suggested that it might be beneficial for k to ensure her clients write down her specific requests on their phone before they go order so they will definitely order the correct thing, or that she could text them the order. a few weeks have passed and k came into the store again, raging. she announced she was fuming because another load of her drinks have been made wrong, including one having ginger which she never has. she accused us of being incredibly inconsistent, wanted her money back, and threatened to take her business elsewhere. i had been on shift the day one the ginger latte had actually been ordered and remembered it as we don't sell many - it's unusual. i hadn't been on till but i'd overheard the client ask for a "ginger latte" with her drink, and other baristas backed me up saying that incorrect drinks have been asked for which at the time they didn't realise were for k. i tried to explain to k that although i was sorry and understood it was annoying for her, it is our job as workers to make the drink which is ordered. if her clients are not ordering the correct drink, it is important for her to make sure they're aware of her preferences. i told her i would not authorise another refund as she'd already been warned of the issue. k went off on me saying how ridiculous it was for me not to refund her when she'd received an incorrect order. however, none of the errors in question were errors by the staff serving her and we'd tried to give her tips on how to sort the problem. it's incredibly detrimental to the business for us to keep giving huge refunds when she's not doing anything to sort the issue out herself (not giving clients clearer instructions or telling them to write the order down) so was i the ass for not giving the refund?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i (22f) work in a coffee shop. one of our regular customers is a woman we'll call k. k works in a salon just down the road and she usually comes in every single morning, then during the day she usually sends her clients to pick up drinks before starting whatever service. k has a pretty specific coffee order (single shot skinny vanilla latte, no froth) and she always gets the same. so a few weeks ago, k came into the store raging. she said that her last five drinks had been wrong and demanded a refund. i was confused because i remember k as her order is so specific and so it is quite rare for me to have to ask what she's getting, let alone make it wrong. k explained the issues arose with drinks her clients were getting for her - and as she was at work she could not return them. i agreed to give her a refund this time, but explained as nicely as possible to k that i didn't think k's clients were always ordering correctly. we serve so many takeaway vanilla lattes during the day that if a woman who is not k orders "vanilla latte" with another drink and doesn't state the details k wants, we don't know to make it into k's drink. i suggested that it might be beneficial for k to ensure her clients write down her specific requests on their phone before they go order so they will definitely order the correct thing, or that she could text them the order. a few weeks have passed and k came into the store again, raging. she announced she was fuming because another load of her drinks have been made wrong, including one having ginger which she never has. she accused us of being incredibly inconsistent, wanted her money back, and threatened to take her business elsewhere. i had been on shift the day one the ginger latte had actually been ordered and remembered it as we don't sell many - it's unusual. i hadn't been on till but i'd overheard the client ask for a "ginger latte" with her drink, and other baristas backed me up saying that incorrect drinks have been asked for which at the time they didn't realise were for k. i tried to explain to k that although i was sorry and understood it was annoying for her, it is our job as workers to make the drink which is ordered. if her clients are not ordering the correct drink, it is important for her to make sure they're aware of her preferences. i told her i would not authorise another refund as she'd already been warned of the issue. k went off on me saying how ridiculous it was for me not to refund her when she'd received an incorrect order. however, none of the errors in question were errors by the staff serving her and we'd tried to give her tips on how to sort the problem. it's incredibly detrimental to the business for us to keep giving huge refunds when she's not doing anything to sort the issue out herself (not giving clients clearer instructions or telling them to write the order down) so was i the ass for not giving the refund? [/INST] nta. you're literally just fulfilling what people order. she can't expect you to somehow know that one drink should actually be another. </s>
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AITA for causing my neighbor to be late for work?
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hello all!
so i guess i’ll start from the beginning. a few weeks ago, my neighbor came to my door at 7:30 in the morning asking if i could give them a ride to work. they said their car was having some problems and wasn’t starting. i don’t really know her, but we say hello when we see each other and i know she’s got a family to support so i tell her yeah, but that she has to wait for me to get my toddler ready to go (because i can’t leave a toddler at home, obviously) and she seemed a little bothered but agreed to wait in my car. it took me like, 5 minutes to get my kid in boots and a coat. this has happened 2 other times since then. this last time, i was about to make my daughter some breakfast when she came pounding at my door, about 8:00 this time. i tell her yeah, but that i was just starting to make my daughter some eggs, so she has to wait. she very flatly said “okay” and went to wait in my car. i cooked, fed, and clothed the little one and that probably took about 25 minutes. we start driving and my neighbor was silent the entire time. after pulling up to the entrance, i told her to have a good day and she fired back with “i won’t be now, i’m going to be written up for being late” and slammed my door and walked away.
aita?
| 3,006 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/estp7x/aita_for_causing_my_neighbor_to_be_late_for_work/
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2020-01-23 14:17:16
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nta. if you ask for a favor, especially a really inconvenient favor, you have to wait until the favor can be done. neighbor should get an uber.
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nta - this seems like a /r/choosingbeggars situation.
neighbor needs to fix her car or come up with a different plan to get to work, because it's not your responsibility to be at her beck and call.
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nta. she showed up 30 minutes later than the usual time, which had been established as on time, so really its her own fault she's late.
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nta
it may be appropriate to start setting some boundaries such as "from now on if you want me to drive you to work i'll need advanced notice and gas$". you don't deserve to be shit on for her irresponsibility
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nta and don’t answer the door anymore for that bullshit
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nope nta, she needs to plan better if she wants you to take her to work. it's not your fault that her car died and she is failing to make proper arrangements.
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nta
i think there's a choosing beggars thread on here you should put this on
its totally not your issue if she's late, she's lucky you're kind enough to even give her a lift.
next time, say no
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wow. nta. i doubt she is paying you for gas either? i would never give her a ride or do her a favor again. ungrateful cow.
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you know you’re nta op. come on.
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wow so nta here.
you don’t owe your neighbor anything and she should be grateful you are even giving her rides. there is that saying, beggars can’t be choosers. i would advise you to stop giving her rides because she obviously has an entitled attitude that would lead to a lot of drama you and your kids don’t need. when she asks again, tell her sorry but you’d only make her late and that it would be best to find someone else that can be on her schedule. i’m sure she’ll probably have a tantrum but better to cut this off before it goes any further. you aren’t responsible for your neighbor or when/if they get to work. not to mentioned she had the audacity to slam your car door, which is your property that she proceeded to treat like crap because of her mini tantrum. what else of yours will she have no issue treating like crap or even damaging?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hello all! so i guess i’ll start from the beginning. a few weeks ago, my neighbor came to my door at 7:30 in the morning asking if i could give them a ride to work. they said their car was having some problems and wasn’t starting. i don’t really know her, but we say hello when we see each other and i know she’s got a family to support so i tell her yeah, but that she has to wait for me to get my toddler ready to go (because i can’t leave a toddler at home, obviously) and she seemed a little bothered but agreed to wait in my car. it took me like, 5 minutes to get my kid in boots and a coat. this has happened 2 other times since then. this last time, i was about to make my daughter some breakfast when she came pounding at my door, about 8:00 this time. i tell her yeah, but that i was just starting to make my daughter some eggs, so she has to wait. she very flatly said “okay” and went to wait in my car. i cooked, fed, and clothed the little one and that probably took about 25 minutes. we start driving and my neighbor was silent the entire time. after pulling up to the entrance, i told her to have a good day and she fired back with “i won’t be now, i’m going to be written up for being late” and slammed my door and walked away. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hello all! so i guess i’ll start from the beginning. a few weeks ago, my neighbor came to my door at 7:30 in the morning asking if i could give them a ride to work. they said their car was having some problems and wasn’t starting. i don’t really know her, but we say hello when we see each other and i know she’s got a family to support so i tell her yeah, but that she has to wait for me to get my toddler ready to go (because i can’t leave a toddler at home, obviously) and she seemed a little bothered but agreed to wait in my car. it took me like, 5 minutes to get my kid in boots and a coat. this has happened 2 other times since then. this last time, i was about to make my daughter some breakfast when she came pounding at my door, about 8:00 this time. i tell her yeah, but that i was just starting to make my daughter some eggs, so she has to wait. she very flatly said “okay” and went to wait in my car. i cooked, fed, and clothed the little one and that probably took about 25 minutes. we start driving and my neighbor was silent the entire time. after pulling up to the entrance, i told her to have a good day and she fired back with “i won’t be now, i’m going to be written up for being late” and slammed my door and walked away. aita? [/INST] nta. if you ask for a favor, especially a really inconvenient favor, you have to wait until the favor can be done. neighbor should get an uber. </s>
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AITA for telling my pregnant cousin she is my sister and making her divorce her husband in doing so
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i (25f) and my cousin (25f) have been very close. adding to that we look **very much** alike, which is very obvious since most of our family has brown/red hair, while we both are blonde. me and my cousin got married at roughly the same time, both of our husbands are very close friends to each other (29 and 27).
in her pregnancy we found out that we are both rh-. after some time i found out that my uncle is rh+. which means the he cannot be the father. i told my parents who then told me that, she is actually my twin sister and that she was given to my uncle and aunt who raised her as their own since my aunt is infertile (or thought to be) after an accident. (it is fairly common in our culture to give a child to an infertile sibling)
i was very conflicted after finding this out and told my husband who then supposedly accidentally told my cousins husband.
well, last week after her doing some research on the rhesus factor ( her husband is rh+) she also found out that her parents can’t be her parents. she came to me crying and i told her everything. shocked at everyone knowing but her and hurt by the betrayal of her husband; she asked her husband for a divorce and has ceased any contact with me. i don’t know why i told her, i even had to promise my parents and my aunt and uncle to never tell her. (who also won’t talk to me). everyone is blaming me and my brother in law is absolutely devastated. so aita?
&#x200b;
| 2,831 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q47034/aita_for_telling_my_pregnant_cousin_she_is_my/
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2021-10-08 21:14:07
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nta.
her parents are, for not telling her as a child. so are your parents for not telling you either.
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nta and it’s almost laughable at how obvious this current outcome is. your parents had twins, blonde twins, and they all just thought no one would freaking notice the only two blonde girls in the family have the same birthday??? well thank god they also didn’t accidentally sign you up for the same american summer camp as kids.
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[deleted]
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esh because who the heck just gives away children? how does that go? i have two twin babies, but you don’t have any, so here have one of my children? how is that a thing???
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nah - however i don't get why you told other people and not her - i'm not convinced that this is true
however you do know that rh+ve parents can have a rh-ve child (two rh-ve parents can't have a rh+ve child - but it doesn't work the other way around) - that is beside the point if your parents admitted that she is biologically their child
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[deleted]
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esh. the poor woman has been lied to her entire life by the people she loved. she is wrong to blame you in particular, or her husband for that matter, but all of you have fundamentally betrayed her trust and you need not expect to hear from her again any time soon.
what you *should* have done is insist that your parents and her parents tell *her* the truth rather than you. but instead you made this about you not her, and now you are paying the price.
she is the real victim here. i don’t think she is handling it well, but i have never had my entire family turn out to be liars, so i’m not rushing to that judgement as quickly as i am for the rest of you.
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esh. why didn't you tell her when you found out? why keep it a secret? i won't judge your family for a cultural practice i know nothing about but i will judge them for keeping it a secret for so long. if i were her, i'd feel extremely betrayed.
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esh (except your sister)
this should never have been a secret, the family should have told you both, when you found out you should have told no one or her, your husband shouldn't have told anyone, the family should not be blaming you.
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yta for telling her *last* after other people already knew. you should have told her first. you have nothing to do with "making her divorce her husband"; that is coming from her extreme sense of betrayal from everyone. every single person has lied to her, either since her birth, or since they discovered this secret. she may feel she has no one but her baby.
why was she "given away" while you were kept? you seem very dismissive of the trauma incurred from learning this, as if giving a baby to a sister is not really giving it away. you indicate you had lots of siblings, while it sounds like she grew up as an only child. there were times growing up when you both probably envied the other's life. but you have no real idea of how this news has shaken her. she is likely replaying hundreds of conversations in her head where she now realizes she was lied to. she may have asked her mom about her pregnancy with her, and her mom lied. it wasn't just one lie 25 years ago. it was a lifetime of lies.
i hope you gain some empathy and understanding and can reach out to her. you didn't cause this, but you have made her feel more lonely and alone. tell the rest of your family to stop blaming you for refusing to continue to lie and instead focus on helping your twin get some counseling to help deal with all that she is feeling.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
ESH
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NAH
| null |
ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
| 0.638248 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (25f) and my cousin (25f) have been very close. adding to that we look **very much** alike, which is very obvious since most of our family has brown/red hair, while we both are blonde. me and my cousin got married at roughly the same time, both of our husbands are very close friends to each other (29 and 27). in her pregnancy we found out that we are both rh-. after some time i found out that my uncle is rh+. which means the he cannot be the father. i told my parents who then told me that, she is actually my twin sister and that she was given to my uncle and aunt who raised her as their own since my aunt is infertile (or thought to be) after an accident. (it is fairly common in our culture to give a child to an infertile sibling) i was very conflicted after finding this out and told my husband who then supposedly accidentally told my cousins husband. well, last week after her doing some research on the rhesus factor ( her husband is rh+) she also found out that her parents can’t be her parents. she came to me crying and i told her everything. shocked at everyone knowing but her and hurt by the betrayal of her husband; she asked her husband for a divorce and has ceased any contact with me. i don’t know why i told her, i even had to promise my parents and my aunt and uncle to never tell her. (who also won’t talk to me). everyone is blaming me and my brother in law is absolutely devastated. so aita? &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (25f) and my cousin (25f) have been very close. adding to that we look **very much** alike, which is very obvious since most of our family has brown/red hair, while we both are blonde. me and my cousin got married at roughly the same time, both of our husbands are very close friends to each other (29 and 27). in her pregnancy we found out that we are both rh-. after some time i found out that my uncle is rh+. which means the he cannot be the father. i told my parents who then told me that, she is actually my twin sister and that she was given to my uncle and aunt who raised her as their own since my aunt is infertile (or thought to be) after an accident. (it is fairly common in our culture to give a child to an infertile sibling) i was very conflicted after finding this out and told my husband who then supposedly accidentally told my cousins husband. well, last week after her doing some research on the rhesus factor ( her husband is rh+) she also found out that her parents can’t be her parents. she came to me crying and i told her everything. shocked at everyone knowing but her and hurt by the betrayal of her husband; she asked her husband for a divorce and has ceased any contact with me. i don’t know why i told her, i even had to promise my parents and my aunt and uncle to never tell her. (who also won’t talk to me). everyone is blaming me and my brother in law is absolutely devastated. so aita? &#x200b; [/INST] nta. her parents are, for not telling her as a child. so are your parents for not telling you either. </s>
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AITA for getting guys kicked out of my restaurant for making me feel uncomfortable?
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before you judge please read to the end.
i (20f) work at an upscale restaurant. i was the closing server last night and around 11:45, had these three (very high) men come in (around the ages 20-25). immediately when they sat down they began to stare at me. and not a normal stare, a creepy stare. like head on a swivel following me around the restaurant and never once taking their eyes off of me. it got to the point where a booth full of my coworkers (who just finished their shifts) started asking me if i was okay. one of my coworkers decided to pretend he was my boyfriend in an attempt to deter them, but they continued to stare. when i walked past their booth, at one point one of the men reached out probably in an attempt to grab my waist (or ass) but i dodged. about 5 minutes later they still wouldn’t stop staring, so my other coworker shouted “what are you looking at? she’s 16 do you want to go to jail?” only for one of them to reply in the creepiest tone “yeah i’d go to jail for that”.
it then escalated to where our manager had to call security and all of our chefs came out to make sure they didn’t do anything. they were kicked out shortly after but it made the rest of my shift very uncomfortable as i felt embarrassed that the situation got as big as it did, and a little guilty. i also felt uncomfortable beforehand, because i had to repeatedly pass the guys’ booth to get to the patio (where i was serving).
i am extremely grateful for how my coworkers handled everything and how they continuously kept asking me if i was okay.
here’s what makes me think i’m ta.
when i got home i told my parents and my sister about what happened (in detail) and my sister promptly said “you kicked them out because they were looking at you?”. i explained it to her again and she said “well that’s life” and pointedly looked me up and down to indicate that i was wearing an extremely tight and short dress. nothing was showing obviously i was completely covered.
i know what they were doing was inappropriate but they also didn’t do anything besides stare (because i didn’t let them touch me)
it’s now 24h later but i still feel all weird about it.
so aita?
edit 1: sorry forgot to mention, my parents are utterly and completely 100% on my side and they’re appalled by my sisters’ comments.
| 922 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vb48bn/aita_for_getting_guys_kicked_out_of_my_restaurant/
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2022-06-13 04:51:24
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nta, but your sister sure is. she sounds like one of those idiots who thinks women deserve to be r*ped for how they dress. no empathy at all. you did nothing wrong and those men are creepers who deserved to get thrown out. don’t forget that an entire restaurant staff felt the same way, and backed you up.
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nta. clothes aren’t sexual, it doesn’t matter what a woman wears—a man will always find a way to sexualize her unfortunately. i’m sorry that happened to you, and what you and your coworkers did was right. it could have escalated badly if none of you did anything about it
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nta. it sounds like you didn’t even do anything- your coworkers noticed their behavior and had your back. this is absolutely not your fault, and no one should feel uncomfortable where they work. i’m glad your coworkers paid attention and did what needed to be done! and don’t tell yourself that “they didn’t do anything wrong,” because trying to touch you, and the comment that was made were wrong and incredibly inappropriate. definitely not ta.
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nta. if a man is 1) grabbing at you 2) saying he’d go to jail for the chance to be with you sexually, you are nta for a comparatively benign response.
you have clearly worn those clothes around hundreds of other men who didn’t openly mention statutory rape, so it’s definitely a them problem—not a you problem. i’m sorry you went through that.
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*you* didn't get them kicked out.
their inappropriate behavior drew the attention of the staff and then it escalated to management. they got themselves kicked out. they didn't just stare, they tried to grab you, and they made sexually inappropriate comments about *someone they believed to be a minor.* management chose quite rightly to remove them. don't take responsibility for someone else's bad behavior. this is on them. what you were wearing does not matter. your sister is so incredibly wrong that it seems like internalized misogyny.
you work in a good place with good people. carry on.
nta
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nta and your sister is a victim blamer. don’t trust her judgement on that.
your safety comes before the feelings of others. never forget that.
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nta at all, even the staring alone would be creepy but they did more than just look at you. your sister clearly has some internalized issues she needs to stop projecting onto other women
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nta. people who roll into a restaurant right before closing need to be on their very best behavior, not act like creeps. also, it's not like they were staring at you for refills; one of the idiots said "i'd go to jail for that." adios, mf.
i'm decades older than you, but i did my time as a closing server; that gig will teach you to set boundaries. not only are you not the asshole; you did exactly the right thing. well done.
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nta - the misogyny is coming from inside the house on your sister's part. a quick look at someone you find attractive is vastly different from staring, reaching for, and making creepy comments at someone. do not feel guilty, those guys git what they deserved for being creeps.
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nta. your sister is a massive one though! you'd think her sisters safety would be more important than a bunch of people she did not know getting kicked out. your coworkers felt creeper out enough to help you- that tells you all you need to know. your sister should pray her coworkers would help her like this if she were in such a situation.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: before you judge please read to the end. i (20f) work at an upscale restaurant. i was the closing server last night and around 11:45, had these three (very high) men come in (around the ages 20-25). immediately when they sat down they began to stare at me. and not a normal stare, a creepy stare. like head on a swivel following me around the restaurant and never once taking their eyes off of me. it got to the point where a booth full of my coworkers (who just finished their shifts) started asking me if i was okay. one of my coworkers decided to pretend he was my boyfriend in an attempt to deter them, but they continued to stare. when i walked past their booth, at one point one of the men reached out probably in an attempt to grab my waist (or ass) but i dodged. about 5 minutes later they still wouldn’t stop staring, so my other coworker shouted “what are you looking at? she’s 16 do you want to go to jail?” only for one of them to reply in the creepiest tone “yeah i’d go to jail for that”. it then escalated to where our manager had to call security and all of our chefs came out to make sure they didn’t do anything. they were kicked out shortly after but it made the rest of my shift very uncomfortable as i felt embarrassed that the situation got as big as it did, and a little guilty. i also felt uncomfortable beforehand, because i had to repeatedly pass the guys’ booth to get to the patio (where i was serving). i am extremely grateful for how my coworkers handled everything and how they continuously kept asking me if i was okay. here’s what makes me think i’m ta. when i got home i told my parents and my sister about what happened (in detail) and my sister promptly said “you kicked them out because they were looking at you?”. i explained it to her again and she said “well that’s life” and pointedly looked me up and down to indicate that i was wearing an extremely tight and short dress. nothing was showing obviously i was completely covered. i know what they were doing was inappropriate but they also didn’t do anything besides stare (because i didn’t let them touch me) it’s now 24h later but i still feel all weird about it. so aita? edit 1: sorry forgot to mention, my parents are utterly and completely 100% on my side and they’re appalled by my sisters’ comments.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
before you judge please read to the end. i (20f) work at an upscale restaurant. i was the closing server last night and around 11:45, had these three (very high) men come in (around the ages 20-25). immediately when they sat down they began to stare at me. and not a normal stare, a creepy stare. like head on a swivel following me around the restaurant and never once taking their eyes off of me. it got to the point where a booth full of my coworkers (who just finished their shifts) started asking me if i was okay. one of my coworkers decided to pretend he was my boyfriend in an attempt to deter them, but they continued to stare. when i walked past their booth, at one point one of the men reached out probably in an attempt to grab my waist (or ass) but i dodged. about 5 minutes later they still wouldn’t stop staring, so my other coworker shouted “what are you looking at? she’s 16 do you want to go to jail?” only for one of them to reply in the creepiest tone “yeah i’d go to jail for that”. it then escalated to where our manager had to call security and all of our chefs came out to make sure they didn’t do anything. they were kicked out shortly after but it made the rest of my shift very uncomfortable as i felt embarrassed that the situation got as big as it did, and a little guilty. i also felt uncomfortable beforehand, because i had to repeatedly pass the guys’ booth to get to the patio (where i was serving). i am extremely grateful for how my coworkers handled everything and how they continuously kept asking me if i was okay. here’s what makes me think i’m ta. when i got home i told my parents and my sister about what happened (in detail) and my sister promptly said “you kicked them out because they were looking at you?”. i explained it to her again and she said “well that’s life” and pointedly looked me up and down to indicate that i was wearing an extremely tight and short dress. nothing was showing obviously i was completely covered. i know what they were doing was inappropriate but they also didn’t do anything besides stare (because i didn’t let them touch me) it’s now 24h later but i still feel all weird about it. so aita? edit 1: sorry forgot to mention, my parents are utterly and completely 100% on my side and they’re appalled by my sisters’ comments. [/INST] nta, but your sister sure is. she sounds like one of those idiots who thinks women deserve to be r*ped for how they dress. no empathy at all. you did nothing wrong and those men are creepers who deserved to get thrown out. don’t forget that an entire restaurant staff felt the same way, and backed you up. </s>
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AITA for declining the invite of my older twin brothers?
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first language is not english plus throwaway account
backstory:we are 2 sets of twins in our family. brother a1 and a2 (27) are birth identical and me and my sister c are not (23m,f)
a1 and a2 are always weirdly enmeshed and live in the same house,went to the same university(same degree also) and currently marrying together. me and my sister was not part of their world since we are born and i do not think my parents either. they are disturbingly same,in a comedic way. they would have tantrums if they were in a different class or doing a group project in different groups,you can see that they did not have friends in all of their middle.and high school life.
they were always acting like we did not exist in the house and they always used our rooms like storage and trash or tried to beat us. how much our mom and dad punished them did not matter,they had the same attitude but after we were 11,they started to be more absent than being dickheads. it was a relief but me and my sister both felt sad for being neglected.
when we were 15,they went to university and i can say both my parents and us were relieved to see them leaving and things got weirder,they studied the same course(which is fine i guess),but always wore the same colours everyday,had everything as a duo,started to do twin dates stuff like that. also i can count with my hands that me and my sister were called or visited and it is mostly holidays or some special events. we also went to the same university with them(luckily they were graduated at that time) but when we told their names,most of the people looked us like we are freaks and when we asked why,a dorm head told that they were like a couple. they could have seen holding hands,having romantic dates and even sometimes kissing in discreet places and he had some photos. to be honest,we were viscerally disgusted and told our parents the story. it steered a fight in the extended family and they were told they were not welcome anymore and they left the house in 4 hours and i have not heard from them for 6 years until last week.
last week,brother a1 sent me a mail saying that they are in town and wanted us to meet with his fiancée. i called him and said what we told was still on the board and we do not want to hear from them. after this,the part comes where i can be the asshole. his fiancée called me and asked why i was so literally mean to him and i told the whole story well,she is now ex fiancée and my parents blame me for it. apparently they have been to therapy and they had their separate lives since 2017 with healthy dose of sibling bond and i did not know that,they were seeing my brother's for a year since march 2019. only my sister agrees with me.
some info and a little update :a1s fiancée left him with a letter and collecting her staff to her car,leaving in 3.hours after the talk so it was not a fight,it was a flight and letter involved some choice words against incest
a2 is currently at a1s house,i hope they do not relapse but it would not be surprising. me and my sister are going to stay behind and told our family that we do not care what they do. they understood that and shut the topic.
| 616 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jxrlml/aita_for_declining_the_invite_of_my_older_twin/
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2020-11-20 15:58:20
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nta-she asked and you answered. did your brother really think he could hide this from his fiancée?
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nta and i swear to god i thought the fiancé was going to turn out to be the brother.
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nta
she asked why and you told her the truth. and no one told you about your parents trying to reconcile with them, so you also didn’t know to keep your mouth shut
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nta
ive heard of that siblings falling in love in books but have never heard of identical twins doing it especially men. very fascinating.
the fiance asked a straight question and you answered honestly. if your brother didn't want to bring up the principle reason that there was a breakdown in the family than he should not have contacted you.
i really don't blame the fiance for running. but i assume she just wanted your brother to go no contact with the twin in question and he refusex which led to the seperatiom.
why your parents are blaming you, i dont know. do they think this would not have surfaced at some point, or did they think that when enough time had passed the woman would be too invested to leave?
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holy shit.
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nta - she had other indications that their relationship was not just brothers. one person telling you something bad will not make you leave your fiancé. you just confirmed it and probably saved her a lot of heartache.
if you truly feel bad, try calling her and ask if she is ok and why she made that decision.
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i'm gonna say nta. you didn't know they went to therapy since you don't have a relationship with them. all you did was told the truth to a1's ex- fiancée. it sucks for your brother, but that info should have been brought up way before getting engaged. that's on him, not you. your parents have no right to be disappointed in you for the way they have dealt with this situation.
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holy fuck, nta. if i was marrying a guy like your brothers, i would want to know. good on you.
edited due to a spelling error.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: first language is not english plus throwaway account backstory:we are 2 sets of twins in our family. brother a1 and a2 (27) are birth identical and me and my sister c are not (23m,f) a1 and a2 are always weirdly enmeshed and live in the same house,went to the same university(same degree also) and currently marrying together. me and my sister was not part of their world since we are born and i do not think my parents either. they are disturbingly same,in a comedic way. they would have tantrums if they were in a different class or doing a group project in different groups,you can see that they did not have friends in all of their middle.and high school life. they were always acting like we did not exist in the house and they always used our rooms like storage and trash or tried to beat us. how much our mom and dad punished them did not matter,they had the same attitude but after we were 11,they started to be more absent than being dickheads. it was a relief but me and my sister both felt sad for being neglected. when we were 15,they went to university and i can say both my parents and us were relieved to see them leaving and things got weirder,they studied the same course(which is fine i guess),but always wore the same colours everyday,had everything as a duo,started to do twin dates stuff like that. also i can count with my hands that me and my sister were called or visited and it is mostly holidays or some special events. we also went to the same university with them(luckily they were graduated at that time) but when we told their names,most of the people looked us like we are freaks and when we asked why,a dorm head told that they were like a couple. they could have seen holding hands,having romantic dates and even sometimes kissing in discreet places and he had some photos. to be honest,we were viscerally disgusted and told our parents the story. it steered a fight in the extended family and they were told they were not welcome anymore and they left the house in 4 hours and i have not heard from them for 6 years until last week. last week,brother a1 sent me a mail saying that they are in town and wanted us to meet with his fiancée. i called him and said what we told was still on the board and we do not want to hear from them. after this,the part comes where i can be the asshole. his fiancée called me and asked why i was so literally mean to him and i told the whole story well,she is now ex fiancée and my parents blame me for it. apparently they have been to therapy and they had their separate lives since 2017 with healthy dose of sibling bond and i did not know that,they were seeing my brother's for a year since march 2019. only my sister agrees with me. some info and a little update :a1s fiancée left him with a letter and collecting her staff to her car,leaving in 3.hours after the talk so it was not a fight,it was a flight and letter involved some choice words against incest a2 is currently at a1s house,i hope they do not relapse but it would not be surprising. me and my sister are going to stay behind and told our family that we do not care what they do. they understood that and shut the topic.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
first language is not english plus throwaway account backstory:we are 2 sets of twins in our family. brother a1 and a2 (27) are birth identical and me and my sister c are not (23m,f) a1 and a2 are always weirdly enmeshed and live in the same house,went to the same university(same degree also) and currently marrying together. me and my sister was not part of their world since we are born and i do not think my parents either. they are disturbingly same,in a comedic way. they would have tantrums if they were in a different class or doing a group project in different groups,you can see that they did not have friends in all of their middle.and high school life. they were always acting like we did not exist in the house and they always used our rooms like storage and trash or tried to beat us. how much our mom and dad punished them did not matter,they had the same attitude but after we were 11,they started to be more absent than being dickheads. it was a relief but me and my sister both felt sad for being neglected. when we were 15,they went to university and i can say both my parents and us were relieved to see them leaving and things got weirder,they studied the same course(which is fine i guess),but always wore the same colours everyday,had everything as a duo,started to do twin dates stuff like that. also i can count with my hands that me and my sister were called or visited and it is mostly holidays or some special events. we also went to the same university with them(luckily they were graduated at that time) but when we told their names,most of the people looked us like we are freaks and when we asked why,a dorm head told that they were like a couple. they could have seen holding hands,having romantic dates and even sometimes kissing in discreet places and he had some photos. to be honest,we were viscerally disgusted and told our parents the story. it steered a fight in the extended family and they were told they were not welcome anymore and they left the house in 4 hours and i have not heard from them for 6 years until last week. last week,brother a1 sent me a mail saying that they are in town and wanted us to meet with his fiancée. i called him and said what we told was still on the board and we do not want to hear from them. after this,the part comes where i can be the asshole. his fiancée called me and asked why i was so literally mean to him and i told the whole story well,she is now ex fiancée and my parents blame me for it. apparently they have been to therapy and they had their separate lives since 2017 with healthy dose of sibling bond and i did not know that,they were seeing my brother's for a year since march 2019. only my sister agrees with me. some info and a little update :a1s fiancée left him with a letter and collecting her staff to her car,leaving in 3.hours after the talk so it was not a fight,it was a flight and letter involved some choice words against incest a2 is currently at a1s house,i hope they do not relapse but it would not be surprising. me and my sister are going to stay behind and told our family that we do not care what they do. they understood that and shut the topic. [/INST] nta-she asked and you answered. did your brother really think he could hide this from his fiancée? </s>
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AITA because my dog pooped on someone’s driveway?
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my wife, daughter, and i were taking our puppy for a walk. we’re two houses down from our house and the dog stops to poop. in doing so, she pulled over onto the neighbor’s driveway. the owner (who we’ve never met) happened to be out there and gives us the look of utmost disgust and starts griping.
mind you, we’re standing there, bag in hand ready to clean it. “i can’t believe you let your dog crap on our driveway. you chose to have a dog. i didn’t. that’s unbelievably rude.”
“we’re cleaning it up. are you really that petty?”
<continues bitching as she gets in her car>
am i in the wrong here? i mean, i don’t care if someone’s dog craps in my yard as long as the owner picks it up, but am i just weird?
| 378 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rzws7w/aita_because_my_dog_pooped_on_someones_driveway/
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2022-01-09 17:35:20
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nta.
everyone saying yta clearly has never owned a puppy/dog before. your neighbor is psycho.
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nta can’t believe all these yta’s. as long as you clean up after the dog of course
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info exactly how far onto other people's property do you let your dog wander? were they just barely on the edge of the sidewalk, or at the end of their leash several feet into the driveway?
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nta as long as you clean up after your dog. you can also train your dog to go in the grass, makes cleanup easier.
people are talking about going to parks, but not every neighborhood has a good park for walking a dog. and it would be more rude to walk in the middle of the street. it's not like you left the poop there.
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yta
not because of the dog though. accidents happen and puppies need to be trained. but that doesn't mean that all homeowners will be ok with watching your dog eliminate on their property. even when you are obviously right there ready to clean it up. you'd have been fine if you'd have apologized and cleaned up (you were doing that anyway).
buuuuut you didn't.
you responded with an . . .
> are you really that petty?
. . . and then complain about how she's still upset at your rude ass response while she's getting in her car.
that's what makes you ta, you behaved like a petulant child.
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nta, this is just a normal part of life?
i'm wondering about the cultural differences here that so many people are saying "you and your dog shouldn't be on someone's property." having grown up in, and currently living in, suburban neighborhoods in the us, everything but the street is somebody's property, and you don't just walk your dog down the middle of the street (walking on asphalt can actually be bad for dogs' paws and nails). in some jurisdictions the first few inches/couple feet of the yard are technically the property of the town or city, it just depends, but the attitude that no one should be allowed to be there is... weird and kind of bleak to me.
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i have 3 dogs. i have literally, not one day in my life, since i was born, not had a dog. i am obsessed with dogs. i have fostered, volunteered, rescued. i walk my dogs everywhere they are allowed - parks, neighborhoods, etc.
i always clean up their poop.
but i don't even let them walk in anyone's yard, let alone poop in it. i do not care if people let their dog poop or step into my yard (as long as they clean it up) but i know not everyone is a dog person. we walk on the sidewalk or the edge of the street, and only step one step into a driveway if we have to do to get out of the way of a car. i try to be over respectful of people and their space. they are my dogs...not the neighborhoods dogs.
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i have to go yta.
yes, dogs will go where they want, but honestly? you let your dog 'pull over onto the neighbor's driveway'. so it wasn't on a public sidewalk, so you should have kept your puppy closer to you to make sure she didn't go onto other people's property.
it doesn't matter whether you were ready to clean it up or not, because there could be stuff left behind that needs to be hosed down. you don't know that person's situation. i know i would be upset if i just saw a random stranger letting their dog wander onto my driveway (no matter how close to the side walk) and letting it do its business.
it doesn't matter what you don't care about, it matters what that person cares about. she obviously cares about dogs going on her property, so next time keep your dog away from their driveway/yard. also, if someone does get upset with you letting your puppy go on their property, apologize, say it won't happen again, and i am planning on cleaning it up. because other wise you will be the ah again.
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nta. dogs poop outside and you cleaned it up. if they had a sign that said “no dogs” then ywbta, otherwise you’re good. are they gonna freak out if a bird poops on their driveway? at least the dog poop got cleaned up, unlike the bird poop.
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funny how us humans destroy entire ecosystems with our shit but go crazy when an animal poops on our yard. op picked it up, nta end of story.
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.256629 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife, daughter, and i were taking our puppy for a walk. we’re two houses down from our house and the dog stops to poop. in doing so, she pulled over onto the neighbor’s driveway. the owner (who we’ve never met) happened to be out there and gives us the look of utmost disgust and starts griping. mind you, we’re standing there, bag in hand ready to clean it. “i can’t believe you let your dog crap on our driveway. you chose to have a dog. i didn’t. that’s unbelievably rude.” “we’re cleaning it up. are you really that petty?” <continues bitching as she gets in her car> am i in the wrong here? i mean, i don’t care if someone’s dog craps in my yard as long as the owner picks it up, but am i just weird?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife, daughter, and i were taking our puppy for a walk. we’re two houses down from our house and the dog stops to poop. in doing so, she pulled over onto the neighbor’s driveway. the owner (who we’ve never met) happened to be out there and gives us the look of utmost disgust and starts griping. mind you, we’re standing there, bag in hand ready to clean it. “i can’t believe you let your dog crap on our driveway. you chose to have a dog. i didn’t. that’s unbelievably rude.” “we’re cleaning it up. are you really that petty?” <continues bitching as she gets in her car> am i in the wrong here? i mean, i don’t care if someone’s dog craps in my yard as long as the owner picks it up, but am i just weird? [/INST] nta. everyone saying yta clearly has never owned a puppy/dog before. your neighbor is psycho. </s>
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AITA if I refuse to testify at my niece's custody hearing?
| 690 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cx3t4d/aita_if_i_refuse_to_testify_at_my_nieces_custody/
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2019-08-29 17:12:03
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nta
honestly sounds like emotional manipulation to get you into saying nice things about them.
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nah
you would not be an asshole for not wanting to get involved. nor would you be an asshole to tell her that you would testify but that neither parent is likely to come out looking good in that instance.
interestingly, b is right... it should come down to what you think is best for n. the poor girl hasn't had a great life and no one has really been looking out for her full time like she deserves (not dogging you here, you weren't in a position to do so), except maybe the grandparents. maybe contact them and ask what they think will be best? ask if the child has a guardian ad litem assigned and if so, speak with them (i don't know if they would in a case like this but it is a lawyer assigned to look out for the best interest of the child independent of the parents).
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info
do you not want to testify because it would be against your brother, or because you don't think b should get custody? also, what are the possible outcomes? is it just a or b get custody, or is there a chance the grandparents get it?
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[deleted]
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"then she told me, if i really cared about my niece, i'd do what is best for her and not consider the backlash."
that's emotional blackmail. since i have no idea, how such a trial would go and what would be expected of you, but i'd think you have every right to do or do not what you feel is right. going in court and saying the maternal grandparents should get custody sounds like the thing you may want to say, but i have no idea, if that's allowed or fruitful. so, nta (just regarding the immediate question of custody court appointment).
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nta, quite frankly neither seem good and i would leave it to the professional law people
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nta. i'd see if writing a confidential letter was an option. lay out what you've written here and put it in the hands of the judge.
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reading this with code names was a disaster. can’t you just type mother and father?
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bro just make up names instead of letters
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NTA
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NAH
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INFO
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0.023868 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta honestly sounds like emotional manipulation to get you into saying nice things about them. </s>
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AITA for blaming my parents for medical neglect?
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throughout my (24f) and my sisters (18f and 26f) life our parents have been very neglectful and abusive. my younger sister still lives (though strictly monitored by me and 26f in case of neglect/abuse) with them and my older sister has gone no contact with them. as kids we would not have enough food, no good clothes, we did not have enough bedsheets to be able to wash them because we often had just 1 non-scratchy sheet and washing meant someone else could take it.
this was not due to poverty, not at all. our parents had their own stacks of high end bedsheets, had a whole wall made into a wardrobe, bought 3 new mattresses while i was getting stabbed by a broken spring in mine every night for 5 years. they were not poor at all. the kids just weren't worth anything.
my mom was a biologist and used to work at a pharmaceutical company for a while, which made her think she has medical knowledge. so none of us kids ever went to a doctor because she knew it wasn't serious. all our medical issues were disregarded. i have an ed and have been severely overweight for most of my life, so all my issues were just blamed on being fat. my older sister has a genetic disorder that causes her problems but she has just been told she's exaggerating and making up any pain. like when she "whined" about horrible "imaginary" pain in her abdomen for months as a kid and eventually her teacher took her to the hospital where she immediately had an ovarian tumour removed.
over the years, my sister and i have found out we both have a lot of medical issues that should have been noticed and treated earlier. like 1 leg being shorter, extremely painful periods or only getting a period once or twice a year. i even turn out to have had severe chronic pain all my life that was fixed by getting good shoes for once and it's not just because i'm fat.
the issue is that our mom has been asking me what they did wrong, what they ever did to deserve being cut off by my older sister. i want to tell her about how they failed to care for us, how much pain i have been in that they shouldn't have disregarded. but i have been told not to blame them, that i'm an adult and am responsible for my own health now. that i should take care of myself and not resent them for not knowing i had actual problems.
so, aita for blaming my parents for only now finding out about serious medical conditions?
| 825 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mgnj0u/aita_for_blaming_my_parents_for_medical_neglect/
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2021-03-30 19:11:07
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nta of course. i am confused what the point of your post is? your parents are abusive in every sense of the word. you really think you'll be called an asshole?
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nta. it’s not “blaming” its “informing”. your mother asked why, nicely and firmly tell her why. don’t let her take you down the hole of not believing you, telling you you’re wrong, etc. just tell her what you wrote here, and if she gets aggressive, tell her you answered her question and don’t wish to discuss it further.
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[deleted]
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nta
you had a medical problem, they didn’t address it.
i think you have to keep in mind about the context of when you can/cannot blame them. can you blame them for your current medical issues that you can/should manage? not really, unless if it’s due to negligence when you were a child. can you blame them for your past medical issues/problems when you were a child and dependant on them? yes.
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nta in any way.
there is one tiny tiny reason yta tho. why hasn’t cps been called like at all, ever, by anyone? i get the feeling you’ve always hated your parents, so i don’t understand being attached, and if it’s because foster isn’t the best system, was what you three went through worth it? why not the second your older sibling had access to like anything, they called cps, and stop any more neglect and abuse? i still understand not doing that bc you feel scared to, but just a small nitpick
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nta first of all.
i had a similar situation with my mom a couple of months ago where i went into a debate about the shitty things she did and said (she is not mentally well) and while i am nc with her, i did call her to ask her to sign my sister's (12y/o, youngest of 4) passport (in my country we have had an issue with immigrant parents where one of them get their kid a passport and taking them out of the country where they are never seen again essentially leaving the other parent clueless. because of this when both parents have custody a child's passport needs to be signed for by both parents. also while my mom is declared unfit as a parent and isn't allowed to alone with my sister, she still has shared custody with my dad and therefore has a say over this. she does it to fuck with my dad, doesn't care about sis at all). on this phone call, she asked why we don't see her and what she did wrong, etc. i tell her to the best of my abilities, but she is a master of gaslighting and manipulating a conversation and i am not the best at controlling an argument. continued to feel like shit days after the call was over.
now to finish my point in all this is that if you have the call with your mother, then be prepared with counter-arguments. abusers will not see rime nor reason if they're like your parents and the phonecall will definitely leave you sad for a while after, because they will not suddenly be all 'ah yes i see your point, let me turn my life around.' they're gonna get defensive as hell and probably spin it on you or call 'woe is me'. so if you are going to make the call, be prepared and have emotional support from someone you love and trust on hand, because it is going to be one hell of an argument. also, your sisters might have different opinions on the conversation, (i know my sister (18f) got mad as hell i talked with my mother about this). also, make sure it doesn't come around to bite your younger sister in the ass in some way, she is living with your parents after all.
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nta. you've cut them out, stay out and maybe call cps/nspcc or some other child protective services for your sisters sake. this is clearly abuse.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throughout my (24f) and my sisters (18f and 26f) life our parents have been very neglectful and abusive. my younger sister still lives (though strictly monitored by me and 26f in case of neglect/abuse) with them and my older sister has gone no contact with them. as kids we would not have enough food, no good clothes, we did not have enough bedsheets to be able to wash them because we often had just 1 non-scratchy sheet and washing meant someone else could take it. this was not due to poverty, not at all. our parents had their own stacks of high end bedsheets, had a whole wall made into a wardrobe, bought 3 new mattresses while i was getting stabbed by a broken spring in mine every night for 5 years. they were not poor at all. the kids just weren't worth anything. my mom was a biologist and used to work at a pharmaceutical company for a while, which made her think she has medical knowledge. so none of us kids ever went to a doctor because she knew it wasn't serious. all our medical issues were disregarded. i have an ed and have been severely overweight for most of my life, so all my issues were just blamed on being fat. my older sister has a genetic disorder that causes her problems but she has just been told she's exaggerating and making up any pain. like when she "whined" about horrible "imaginary" pain in her abdomen for months as a kid and eventually her teacher took her to the hospital where she immediately had an ovarian tumour removed. over the years, my sister and i have found out we both have a lot of medical issues that should have been noticed and treated earlier. like 1 leg being shorter, extremely painful periods or only getting a period once or twice a year. i even turn out to have had severe chronic pain all my life that was fixed by getting good shoes for once and it's not just because i'm fat. the issue is that our mom has been asking me what they did wrong, what they ever did to deserve being cut off by my older sister. i want to tell her about how they failed to care for us, how much pain i have been in that they shouldn't have disregarded. but i have been told not to blame them, that i'm an adult and am responsible for my own health now. that i should take care of myself and not resent them for not knowing i had actual problems. so, aita for blaming my parents for only now finding out about serious medical conditions?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throughout my (24f) and my sisters (18f and 26f) life our parents have been very neglectful and abusive. my younger sister still lives (though strictly monitored by me and 26f in case of neglect/abuse) with them and my older sister has gone no contact with them. as kids we would not have enough food, no good clothes, we did not have enough bedsheets to be able to wash them because we often had just 1 non-scratchy sheet and washing meant someone else could take it. this was not due to poverty, not at all. our parents had their own stacks of high end bedsheets, had a whole wall made into a wardrobe, bought 3 new mattresses while i was getting stabbed by a broken spring in mine every night for 5 years. they were not poor at all. the kids just weren't worth anything. my mom was a biologist and used to work at a pharmaceutical company for a while, which made her think she has medical knowledge. so none of us kids ever went to a doctor because she knew it wasn't serious. all our medical issues were disregarded. i have an ed and have been severely overweight for most of my life, so all my issues were just blamed on being fat. my older sister has a genetic disorder that causes her problems but she has just been told she's exaggerating and making up any pain. like when she "whined" about horrible "imaginary" pain in her abdomen for months as a kid and eventually her teacher took her to the hospital where she immediately had an ovarian tumour removed. over the years, my sister and i have found out we both have a lot of medical issues that should have been noticed and treated earlier. like 1 leg being shorter, extremely painful periods or only getting a period once or twice a year. i even turn out to have had severe chronic pain all my life that was fixed by getting good shoes for once and it's not just because i'm fat. the issue is that our mom has been asking me what they did wrong, what they ever did to deserve being cut off by my older sister. i want to tell her about how they failed to care for us, how much pain i have been in that they shouldn't have disregarded. but i have been told not to blame them, that i'm an adult and am responsible for my own health now. that i should take care of myself and not resent them for not knowing i had actual problems. so, aita for blaming my parents for only now finding out about serious medical conditions? [/INST] nta of course. i am confused what the point of your post is? your parents are abusive in every sense of the word. you really think you'll be called an asshole? </s>
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AITA for not giving a friend who serial cheats on her BF a plus one to my wedding?
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i’m getting married in a few months and just sent the official invites out. we were trying to keep it to 150 guests attending, but ended up with over 200 on the invite list. that being said, i’m being a bit picky with who gets a plus one. thus far, people who don’t have a significant other and would know other people at the wedding have not gotten a plus one. aside from one “friend” who has a long-term bf (and i use the term friend loosely here).
i’ve known this girl my whole life as she is a good friend of my older sister. but i’ve always disliked her. she’s negative, rude, and the type of person who always has to “one up” everything you say. she has been in a long-term relationship with her boyfriend for ~7 years and they live together, but i’ve never even met him. and she cheats on him every chance she gets.
she has openly stated that she would “stop cheating if he finally proposed” and brags about her cheating, which is literally every weekend and with multiple guys. she cheated most often with another friend who is invited to the wedding - although complained that it has stopped since he got a girlfriend (and i gave him a plus one for her lol).
she complained to my sister recently about not receiving a plus one when the guy she cheated with did, and that it’s not fair. honestly, if it wasn’t for my sister, i wouldn’t have even invited her to begin with. aita for not giving her a plus one? and wibta if i told her it’s because she clearly doesn’t care about or respect her bf if she asks me?
| 1,017 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c19nj1/aita_for_not_giving_a_friend_who_serial_cheats_on/
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2019-06-16 13:02:39
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yta for inviting this "friend" to your wedding in the first place and creating this entire situation when it simply could have been avoided.
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this girl sounds like actual human garbage.
why is she invited to your wedding? i understand she's your sisters good friend. but it's your wedding, and you don't need waste space on someone you actively dislike for your sister's sake. you already said you wanted under 150 and are over 200. trim. the. fat.
nta. i hope this girl's poor boyfriend finds out or finds some self esteem if he already knows and gets the hell out.
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esh. if she's so awful, why invite her at all? couples are invited as a social unit, not a "only if i approve of your relationship" unit. it's your wedding, you don't have to invite someone that's a friend of your sister if she's not a friend to you.
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info if you don’t like her why invite?
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i'm going againist the grain here- yta.
i don't understand why you invited this girl to begin with. you clearly dislike her and she's not your friend, she's your sister's friend.
but to give a +1 to one cheater and not another is really judgmental and in this case, it feels sexist. i mean "i gave him a plus one lol"? ugh. this isn't a moral issue for you, this is about you trying to punish one cheater and not another. you're stirring up shit here but you let the guy she cheated with totally off the hook.
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nta. and even if you were being an asshole, it’s your wedding and you’re allowed to be.
are you really friends? or you’ve known her for ages? they aren’t the same thing.
i wouldn’t have invited her at all.
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yta but not for the reason you think.
this girl shouldn’t be invited to your wedding in the first place. if her morals are so messy, how do you know she won’t try it on with the boy she used to cheat with? or the best man? or your fiancé? also, how come you know so much about her scandals but her boyfriend hasn’t been told yet?
she shouldn’t be in the wedding and you should tell her poor boyfriend.
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esh - you're giving a guy she cheated with a plus one and not her? sounds like you're being inconsistent and punishing the girl while letting the guy go.
a girl like that will find someone to get with at your wedding. her attending alone could lead to some unintended consequences. might've been better for her to have her boyfriend in tow.
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esh. you don’t like her but invite her anyway. sister threw a hissy so she was invited to avoid tension. my money is on this friend bringing a plus one anyway.
good luck and congrats on the wedding!
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nta but just remember that it sounds like she’d enjoy it without him there, and will probably cheat on him at your wedding.
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YTA
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NTA
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ESH
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INFO
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.583617 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m getting married in a few months and just sent the official invites out. we were trying to keep it to 150 guests attending, but ended up with over 200 on the invite list. that being said, i’m being a bit picky with who gets a plus one. thus far, people who don’t have a significant other and would know other people at the wedding have not gotten a plus one. aside from one “friend” who has a long-term bf (and i use the term friend loosely here). i’ve known this girl my whole life as she is a good friend of my older sister. but i’ve always disliked her. she’s negative, rude, and the type of person who always has to “one up” everything you say. she has been in a long-term relationship with her boyfriend for ~7 years and they live together, but i’ve never even met him. and she cheats on him every chance she gets. she has openly stated that she would “stop cheating if he finally proposed” and brags about her cheating, which is literally every weekend and with multiple guys. she cheated most often with another friend who is invited to the wedding - although complained that it has stopped since he got a girlfriend (and i gave him a plus one for her lol). she complained to my sister recently about not receiving a plus one when the guy she cheated with did, and that it’s not fair. honestly, if it wasn’t for my sister, i wouldn’t have even invited her to begin with. aita for not giving her a plus one? and wibta if i told her it’s because she clearly doesn’t care about or respect her bf if she asks me?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m getting married in a few months and just sent the official invites out. we were trying to keep it to 150 guests attending, but ended up with over 200 on the invite list. that being said, i’m being a bit picky with who gets a plus one. thus far, people who don’t have a significant other and would know other people at the wedding have not gotten a plus one. aside from one “friend” who has a long-term bf (and i use the term friend loosely here). i’ve known this girl my whole life as she is a good friend of my older sister. but i’ve always disliked her. she’s negative, rude, and the type of person who always has to “one up” everything you say. she has been in a long-term relationship with her boyfriend for ~7 years and they live together, but i’ve never even met him. and she cheats on him every chance she gets. she has openly stated that she would “stop cheating if he finally proposed” and brags about her cheating, which is literally every weekend and with multiple guys. she cheated most often with another friend who is invited to the wedding - although complained that it has stopped since he got a girlfriend (and i gave him a plus one for her lol). she complained to my sister recently about not receiving a plus one when the guy she cheated with did, and that it’s not fair. honestly, if it wasn’t for my sister, i wouldn’t have even invited her to begin with. aita for not giving her a plus one? and wibta if i told her it’s because she clearly doesn’t care about or respect her bf if she asks me? [/INST] yta for inviting this "friend" to your wedding in the first place and creating this entire situation when it simply could have been avoided. </s>
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AITA for not caring that my uncle died?
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i know how the title sounds but please hear me out...
my (20f) father left me and my mother when i was only 1 year old. they were married for 6 years prior to him leaving. he had no interest in seeing me or being any part of my life despite my mother’s efforts. when i was around middle school age i asked my mother to stop trying to contact him regarding me because it only made me upset. then we saw him out in public when i was in high school. he made eye contact with me and then put his head down and pretended i wasn’t there. this was the first and last time i have seen him in person since i was a baby. (it’s probably also important to note that he has lived in the same small town as me my whole life. he was homeless for a long time, sleeping at friends houses and moving all around so i’ve heard. i’m surprised we didn’t run into him more) there was literally no excuse for him to not be in my life. i remember growing up and my mother would call him begging him to be a part of my life. she knew how much him leaving me effected my mental health. i have been to therapy for it and still have abandoned trust issues, but i was working on it and was doing well until he contacted me out of nowhere.
now to the part i might be an asshole...
my fathers brother passed away unexpectedly. i have literally never met this man in my life. i don’t have a relationship with anybody on my fathers side. my father has the audacity to reach out to me for the first time in twenty years on facebook to let me know that my uncle passed away. we weren’t even friends on facebook.
the conversation went something like this:
him: i just wanted to let you know that your uncle passed away
me: sorry for your families loss
him: he’s your family too, he is your uncle, he’s my brother
me: i don’t care. he wasn’t my family and neither are you
he didn’t answer after that. i had a couple people tell me i was rude and i should have been nicer to him because his brother just passed away. they also said this might have been his way of trying to finally start a relationship with me.
but in my eyes, this man had 20 years to reach out. now he wants to reach out with sad news to try and get my sympathy, on facebook nonetheless. i wasn’t having it. if he wanted to have a relationship, he could have at least reached out and been an adult and owned up to everything. i felt as though if i gave him that sympathy he wanted, he would think all is forgiven. absolutely not.
so aita for not caring that my uncle died?
| 462 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jpdps8/aita_for_not_caring_that_my_uncle_died/
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2020-11-06 21:20:14
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nta. you handled it perfectly.
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nta. he has no right to come crashing in when it suits him, using his brother’s death as an excuse for guilt tripping you. good on you for telling him how you really feel!
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uh, what "couple of people" told you you were rude? they are way off-base. you are nta at all for what you said to your "father" and for not caring that your uncle, a man you never met and had no idea even existed, died. your father is ta for, well, everything really.
but i'm concerned that your father's leaving has left you with so many psychological and emotional issues. a 1-year-old wouldn't know the difference if a parent left. plenty of kids grow up with only one parent and don't notice or care. it sounds to me like your mother has made it an issue for you your whole life (or at least your whole early childhood), and that's not ok. she should have shielded you from the fact that your dad was a deadbeat, not involved you in it. i'm sorry for the way all of this was handled.
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nta
how can you care for someone you've never met? simple as that. family can be strangers too.
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nta at all at all at all. you are right, he was not your family. he is a stranger to you, why should you console him because his brother (who you never met or knew anything about) died? nonsense.
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nta. i'm not sure what type of drawn-out response he was hoping to receive.
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nta you owe him nothing and honestly you were a lot more polite then many. if you don't want a relationship with him that is your right.
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nta. sounds like he expected you to help him get through this without caring how you felt. don’t back down you don’t owe him anything
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nta. your father, by his own doing, is a stranger to you, and his brother even more so. i have no idea why he would contact you like this out of the blue to tell you someone you've never met has died, but your response to him is absolutely correct. he may be related to you by blood, but he is not your family, and up to this point at least, never has been. honestly, i don't understand why anyone would expect you to feel differently.
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nta. that was a surprisingly measured and respectful response to him and was very appropriate for the situation. if your dad wants to connect with you, he needs to start by apologizing for his failure to parent. no apology, no relationship.
as for not caring that your uncle died...you didn't know him. you're not obligated to mourn someone you never had a relationship with.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i know how the title sounds but please hear me out... my (20f) father left me and my mother when i was only 1 year old. they were married for 6 years prior to him leaving. he had no interest in seeing me or being any part of my life despite my mother’s efforts. when i was around middle school age i asked my mother to stop trying to contact him regarding me because it only made me upset. then we saw him out in public when i was in high school. he made eye contact with me and then put his head down and pretended i wasn’t there. this was the first and last time i have seen him in person since i was a baby. (it’s probably also important to note that he has lived in the same small town as me my whole life. he was homeless for a long time, sleeping at friends houses and moving all around so i’ve heard. i’m surprised we didn’t run into him more) there was literally no excuse for him to not be in my life. i remember growing up and my mother would call him begging him to be a part of my life. she knew how much him leaving me effected my mental health. i have been to therapy for it and still have abandoned trust issues, but i was working on it and was doing well until he contacted me out of nowhere. now to the part i might be an asshole... my fathers brother passed away unexpectedly. i have literally never met this man in my life. i don’t have a relationship with anybody on my fathers side. my father has the audacity to reach out to me for the first time in twenty years on facebook to let me know that my uncle passed away. we weren’t even friends on facebook. the conversation went something like this: him: i just wanted to let you know that your uncle passed away me: sorry for your families loss him: he’s your family too, he is your uncle, he’s my brother me: i don’t care. he wasn’t my family and neither are you he didn’t answer after that. i had a couple people tell me i was rude and i should have been nicer to him because his brother just passed away. they also said this might have been his way of trying to finally start a relationship with me. but in my eyes, this man had 20 years to reach out. now he wants to reach out with sad news to try and get my sympathy, on facebook nonetheless. i wasn’t having it. if he wanted to have a relationship, he could have at least reached out and been an adult and owned up to everything. i felt as though if i gave him that sympathy he wanted, he would think all is forgiven. absolutely not. so aita for not caring that my uncle died?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i know how the title sounds but please hear me out... my (20f) father left me and my mother when i was only 1 year old. they were married for 6 years prior to him leaving. he had no interest in seeing me or being any part of my life despite my mother’s efforts. when i was around middle school age i asked my mother to stop trying to contact him regarding me because it only made me upset. then we saw him out in public when i was in high school. he made eye contact with me and then put his head down and pretended i wasn’t there. this was the first and last time i have seen him in person since i was a baby. (it’s probably also important to note that he has lived in the same small town as me my whole life. he was homeless for a long time, sleeping at friends houses and moving all around so i’ve heard. i’m surprised we didn’t run into him more) there was literally no excuse for him to not be in my life. i remember growing up and my mother would call him begging him to be a part of my life. she knew how much him leaving me effected my mental health. i have been to therapy for it and still have abandoned trust issues, but i was working on it and was doing well until he contacted me out of nowhere. now to the part i might be an asshole... my fathers brother passed away unexpectedly. i have literally never met this man in my life. i don’t have a relationship with anybody on my fathers side. my father has the audacity to reach out to me for the first time in twenty years on facebook to let me know that my uncle passed away. we weren’t even friends on facebook. the conversation went something like this: him: i just wanted to let you know that your uncle passed away me: sorry for your families loss him: he’s your family too, he is your uncle, he’s my brother me: i don’t care. he wasn’t my family and neither are you he didn’t answer after that. i had a couple people tell me i was rude and i should have been nicer to him because his brother just passed away. they also said this might have been his way of trying to finally start a relationship with me. but in my eyes, this man had 20 years to reach out. now he wants to reach out with sad news to try and get my sympathy, on facebook nonetheless. i wasn’t having it. if he wanted to have a relationship, he could have at least reached out and been an adult and owned up to everything. i felt as though if i gave him that sympathy he wanted, he would think all is forgiven. absolutely not. so aita for not caring that my uncle died? [/INST] nta. you handled it perfectly. </s>
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AITA for telling my cousins girlfriend, my kid is not her babysitter?
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i’m f45. my mom and i were hosting this years family christmas party. i have two daughters, eight and 15. english is not my native language.
the family is from my moms side. my grandma was present, my moms two brothers and her sister. one of her brothers is single. the rest was their with their spouses. my cousin (m32), son of my moms sister, his girlfriend of more than 7 years sarah, their daughter (f2) and sarah’s mom.
my daughter aly was playing with the girl (f2), i’ll call her jenny. they were finger painting. i asked sarah if she could keep an eye on jenny, because i was helping my mom with cooking. we were going to eat, so i told the girls to clean up, i helped them pick-up all the supplies. i asked sarah, please help jenny wash her hands. i could see jenny’s hands going to her mouth. i stopped her. i walked away to put away all the painting supplies. i came back and my daughter was crying. i asked what was wrong and she said sarah told her that jenny had paint in her mouth and up her nose. she (aly) should have done a better job looking after jenny.
i told sarah, my daughter is not your babysitter, she is just eight. her reply was, they were playing together, so it’s her responsibility to watch after the younger one. i said, i told you to keep an eye on jenny, you should have been with your daughter. she kept insisting that she was not needed because aly should have looked after jenny. i told her next time to ask her boyfriend to look after jenny if she can’t be bothered. she gave me a scowl and walked away. they ate and left immediately after. aita?
| 1,478 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zvcn17/aita_for_telling_my_cousins_girlfriend_my_kid_is/
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2022-12-26 02:13:59
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nta. first, an 8yo is not old enough to be babysitting. second, it is never ok to assume someone, regardless of their age, is looking after a child unless they were asked and agreed to do it.
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nta. just wow... expecting an 8 year old to watch a 2 year old. that woman shouldn't have kids. she is lacking some serious judgment.
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nta
she is responsible for her own kid.
you can’t pass that off onto an 8 year old!
plus 2 year olds cry, then get over it.
don’t take it out on an 8 year old!
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nta
she really thinks 8 year olds can hold responsibility for a child. they themselves are children. sarah knows she messed up and she’s pushing the blame on a child.
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nta. in the u.s. if she left an 8 yo alone with a 2 yo, she could be charged with child neglect or abuse, depending on what happens.
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nta. who cares this much about some finger paint in the mouth and up the nose? that stuff is not toxic. maybe don't drink it... but what do you expect when a two year old uses finger paint? this isn't worth making an eight year old feel bad, when she was being nice to play with the littler kid in the first place!
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[deleted]
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nta.
your daughter is a child and so is the other one. they both need to be babysat (the two year old more so, obviously). so you did the right thing.
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nta. sarah needs to parent her two year old and stop expecting child care from an eight year old. the only thing an eight year old should be doing when playing with a two year old is know when to shout for help from a grown up. sheesh.
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nta
such an entitled person your cousin’s gf.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m f45. my mom and i were hosting this years family christmas party. i have two daughters, eight and 15. english is not my native language. the family is from my moms side. my grandma was present, my moms two brothers and her sister. one of her brothers is single. the rest was their with their spouses. my cousin (m32), son of my moms sister, his girlfriend of more than 7 years sarah, their daughter (f2) and sarah’s mom. my daughter aly was playing with the girl (f2), i’ll call her jenny. they were finger painting. i asked sarah if she could keep an eye on jenny, because i was helping my mom with cooking. we were going to eat, so i told the girls to clean up, i helped them pick-up all the supplies. i asked sarah, please help jenny wash her hands. i could see jenny’s hands going to her mouth. i stopped her. i walked away to put away all the painting supplies. i came back and my daughter was crying. i asked what was wrong and she said sarah told her that jenny had paint in her mouth and up her nose. she (aly) should have done a better job looking after jenny. i told sarah, my daughter is not your babysitter, she is just eight. her reply was, they were playing together, so it’s her responsibility to watch after the younger one. i said, i told you to keep an eye on jenny, you should have been with your daughter. she kept insisting that she was not needed because aly should have looked after jenny. i told her next time to ask her boyfriend to look after jenny if she can’t be bothered. she gave me a scowl and walked away. they ate and left immediately after. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m f45. my mom and i were hosting this years family christmas party. i have two daughters, eight and 15. english is not my native language. the family is from my moms side. my grandma was present, my moms two brothers and her sister. one of her brothers is single. the rest was their with their spouses. my cousin (m32), son of my moms sister, his girlfriend of more than 7 years sarah, their daughter (f2) and sarah’s mom. my daughter aly was playing with the girl (f2), i’ll call her jenny. they were finger painting. i asked sarah if she could keep an eye on jenny, because i was helping my mom with cooking. we were going to eat, so i told the girls to clean up, i helped them pick-up all the supplies. i asked sarah, please help jenny wash her hands. i could see jenny’s hands going to her mouth. i stopped her. i walked away to put away all the painting supplies. i came back and my daughter was crying. i asked what was wrong and she said sarah told her that jenny had paint in her mouth and up her nose. she (aly) should have done a better job looking after jenny. i told sarah, my daughter is not your babysitter, she is just eight. her reply was, they were playing together, so it’s her responsibility to watch after the younger one. i said, i told you to keep an eye on jenny, you should have been with your daughter. she kept insisting that she was not needed because aly should have looked after jenny. i told her next time to ask her boyfriend to look after jenny if she can’t be bothered. she gave me a scowl and walked away. they ate and left immediately after. aita? [/INST] nta. first, an 8yo is not old enough to be babysitting. second, it is never ok to assume someone, regardless of their age, is looking after a child unless they were asked and agreed to do it. </s>
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WIBTA if I let my boyfriend get scammed
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my boyfriend is currently in the market for a used car. he found one of offerup for $1500 and the entire situation with the owner is very sketchy.
the owner is apparently “in virginia training on a military base” and needs the car gone by the 18th, before he’s deployed. so he told my boyfriend that if he’s interested to “send him his information” and he would forward it to ebay motors, so my boyfriend can buy the car from there and get it shipped to him. apparently they have a 5-day return period.
because the seller is “on a military base” he can’t have a cell phone on him, but he’s somehow emailing him back all the time....
i told him it sounds like a scam, and he somewhat brushed me off
this is my boyfriend’s hard earned money that took a long time to save, but this isn’t the first time he’s wasted money on a obvious scam. he has to learn somehow. wibta if i let him finally learn his lesson the hard way?
| 274 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/okri40/wibta_if_i_let_my_boyfriend_get_scammed/
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2021-07-15 12:07:56
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nta: tell him that ultimately, he can do what he wants--yet you feel very strongly it is a scam. suggest he do just one google search; **i just now typed: 'scam cars from ebay' - and the first thing that came up on my search is from the ftc explaining how the scam works, and it is almost exactly what you just wrote.** if that doesn't change his mind nor open his eyes -- it's on him.
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ywnbta as long as you have been clear that you think it sounds sketchy and for what reasons (e.g. inability to have a phone on american military base just seems odd). it is also worth noting that if he does get scammed you need to be ready to commiserate and not say 'i told you so'
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ywbta
you say it's "not the first time he wasted money on an obvious scam". so....did he learn his lesson the first time? or any other time? do you really think this is going to make him "learn his lesson" if he's out all his money? or just desperate for any car and willing to fall for even more obvious scams out of desperation?
have a grown up conversation. express your concerns. tell him some things you think he should do/look into. help him explore options.
if you think your boyfriend is too gullible to make adult decisions, and want him to fail instead of want to help him, you're better off not in a relationship together. i understand not wanting to be with someone like that, but not why you'd want him to get screwed over.
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nta. you've told him straight out that you think its a scam. what more can you do? how many times are you obliged to tell him?
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no idea if this is scam or not, but ysk -
in virginia, a lot of people work in facilities that don't allow cell phones, but do allow internet access. facility can monitor/secure the internet access, but cell phones are the wild west.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0.216506 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my boyfriend is currently in the market for a used car. he found one of offerup for $1500 and the entire situation with the owner is very sketchy. the owner is apparently “in virginia training on a military base” and needs the car gone by the 18th, before he’s deployed. so he told my boyfriend that if he’s interested to “send him his information” and he would forward it to ebay motors, so my boyfriend can buy the car from there and get it shipped to him. apparently they have a 5-day return period. because the seller is “on a military base” he can’t have a cell phone on him, but he’s somehow emailing him back all the time.... i told him it sounds like a scam, and he somewhat brushed me off this is my boyfriend’s hard earned money that took a long time to save, but this isn’t the first time he’s wasted money on a obvious scam. he has to learn somehow. wibta if i let him finally learn his lesson the hard way?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my boyfriend is currently in the market for a used car. he found one of offerup for $1500 and the entire situation with the owner is very sketchy. the owner is apparently “in virginia training on a military base” and needs the car gone by the 18th, before he’s deployed. so he told my boyfriend that if he’s interested to “send him his information” and he would forward it to ebay motors, so my boyfriend can buy the car from there and get it shipped to him. apparently they have a 5-day return period. because the seller is “on a military base” he can’t have a cell phone on him, but he’s somehow emailing him back all the time.... i told him it sounds like a scam, and he somewhat brushed me off this is my boyfriend’s hard earned money that took a long time to save, but this isn’t the first time he’s wasted money on a obvious scam. he has to learn somehow. wibta if i let him finally learn his lesson the hard way? [/INST] nta: tell him that ultimately, he can do what he wants--yet you feel very strongly it is a scam. suggest he do just one google search; **i just now typed: 'scam cars from ebay' - and the first thing that came up on my search is from the ftc explaining how the scam works, and it is almost exactly what you just wrote.** if that doesn't change his mind nor open his eyes -- it's on him. </s>
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AITA for paying my own bill?
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i (30f) and my husband (33m) have recently traveled abroad to stay with my family in my home country. we plan on being here for a few months since we were unable to travel during the pandemic, and we now have a baby.
prior to moving away from home, and when our financial standing was better, we would often foot the bill if we went out with our friends no questions asked. the expectation wasn't that the friends had to do it the next time, but just that we wanted to show we loved that they spent time with us.
of course, with the pandemic and the general state of the world and economy, our finances haven't been great. we used a chunk of our savings to travel to my home country, and have been budgeting our expenses.
a close friend of mine took us out to a restaurant recently. it wasn't too fancy, but my husband and i decided to not spend too much and share some of the meals to save some money for our portion. i even informed my friend beforehand that our finances weren't great, but we're looking forward to spending time with her (30f) and her partner (31m).
we ended up having a really great night, and really enjoyed ourselves. however, when it came to paying the bill, my friend pushed the bill over to us and signalled to the waiter that we'd be paying. this was odd. my husband and i ordered about $60 worth of food that we shared, whereas their combined bill was well into the $100's. i told the waiter our portion, plus taxes and tips and paid with my card, the waited for my friend to pay. she and her partner looked surprised. her partner, begrudgingly took out his wallet and paid their share.
the rest of the night was weird because there was this huge tension in the air. when we got home, i got a text from my friend about how i was an ah for the stunt i pulled at the restaurant. i was really shocked, because it seemed like she and her partner sprung the bill on us knowing full well about our financial struggles. we didn't expect her to pay for us, we paid our portion, which seemed fair. i texted all this to her, and she basically said that it was meant to be like "old times". i told her that was weird and unfair to expect that of us, especially because we're the one's visiting. she hasn't replied since.
aita for paying my own bill?
| 411 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vk9fk3/aita_for_paying_my_own_bill/
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2022-06-25 07:15:13
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nta, it seems your "friend" cares more about a free meal than seeing you.
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who tf asks someone out for dinner and expects them to pay, going as far as telling the waiter that you'd be paynig without even consulting you first??? nta
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lmao. nta.
your friend is a mooch. you should never expect someone else to pay your bill, even when they're well off.
dump the friend. save money.
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wth??? absolutely nta. and frankly, their behavior throws serious red flags about your friendship. sounds more like they see you as a literal meal ticket than an actual friend.
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nta- kinda sounds like your friend is using you for nice food.
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i don't understand the comments saying this was op's fault because they've commonly paid the bill in the past. op, you told them your finances weren't great. they should have realized that you couldn't pay for their meal too (and shouldn't expect it when they invited you out). nta.
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nta - sounds like your friends are a bit oblivious or materialistic, either way, fair weather friends and treat them accordingly.
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info: "when our financial standing was better, we would often foot the bill if we went out with our friends no questions asked" - often or every time?
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your friend wanted you to foot the bill on their nice dinner. i’d be telling them not to invite me out again unless they get their head on straight - the entitlement is astounding.
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cheeky cow i would be telling her to gtf. their not friends their leeches looking for a free meal ticket and actually audacity off her to slid the bill over and just assume you would be paying after telling her about your finances she was hoping you would be embarrassed into paying for their dinner and when you didn't she started the nasty messages nah would definitely be ex friends
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NAH
| 0.009259 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (30f) and my husband (33m) have recently traveled abroad to stay with my family in my home country. we plan on being here for a few months since we were unable to travel during the pandemic, and we now have a baby. prior to moving away from home, and when our financial standing was better, we would often foot the bill if we went out with our friends no questions asked. the expectation wasn't that the friends had to do it the next time, but just that we wanted to show we loved that they spent time with us. of course, with the pandemic and the general state of the world and economy, our finances haven't been great. we used a chunk of our savings to travel to my home country, and have been budgeting our expenses. a close friend of mine took us out to a restaurant recently. it wasn't too fancy, but my husband and i decided to not spend too much and share some of the meals to save some money for our portion. i even informed my friend beforehand that our finances weren't great, but we're looking forward to spending time with her (30f) and her partner (31m). we ended up having a really great night, and really enjoyed ourselves. however, when it came to paying the bill, my friend pushed the bill over to us and signalled to the waiter that we'd be paying. this was odd. my husband and i ordered about $60 worth of food that we shared, whereas their combined bill was well into the $100's. i told the waiter our portion, plus taxes and tips and paid with my card, the waited for my friend to pay. she and her partner looked surprised. her partner, begrudgingly took out his wallet and paid their share. the rest of the night was weird because there was this huge tension in the air. when we got home, i got a text from my friend about how i was an ah for the stunt i pulled at the restaurant. i was really shocked, because it seemed like she and her partner sprung the bill on us knowing full well about our financial struggles. we didn't expect her to pay for us, we paid our portion, which seemed fair. i texted all this to her, and she basically said that it was meant to be like "old times". i told her that was weird and unfair to expect that of us, especially because we're the one's visiting. she hasn't replied since. aita for paying my own bill?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (30f) and my husband (33m) have recently traveled abroad to stay with my family in my home country. we plan on being here for a few months since we were unable to travel during the pandemic, and we now have a baby. prior to moving away from home, and when our financial standing was better, we would often foot the bill if we went out with our friends no questions asked. the expectation wasn't that the friends had to do it the next time, but just that we wanted to show we loved that they spent time with us. of course, with the pandemic and the general state of the world and economy, our finances haven't been great. we used a chunk of our savings to travel to my home country, and have been budgeting our expenses. a close friend of mine took us out to a restaurant recently. it wasn't too fancy, but my husband and i decided to not spend too much and share some of the meals to save some money for our portion. i even informed my friend beforehand that our finances weren't great, but we're looking forward to spending time with her (30f) and her partner (31m). we ended up having a really great night, and really enjoyed ourselves. however, when it came to paying the bill, my friend pushed the bill over to us and signalled to the waiter that we'd be paying. this was odd. my husband and i ordered about $60 worth of food that we shared, whereas their combined bill was well into the $100's. i told the waiter our portion, plus taxes and tips and paid with my card, the waited for my friend to pay. she and her partner looked surprised. her partner, begrudgingly took out his wallet and paid their share. the rest of the night was weird because there was this huge tension in the air. when we got home, i got a text from my friend about how i was an ah for the stunt i pulled at the restaurant. i was really shocked, because it seemed like she and her partner sprung the bill on us knowing full well about our financial struggles. we didn't expect her to pay for us, we paid our portion, which seemed fair. i texted all this to her, and she basically said that it was meant to be like "old times". i told her that was weird and unfair to expect that of us, especially because we're the one's visiting. she hasn't replied since. aita for paying my own bill? [/INST] nta, it seems your "friend" cares more about a free meal than seeing you. </s>
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WIBTA for asking my friend to pay $3500 after her dog damaged my car?
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my friend asked to carpool with me to an event. i wanted to take my car and she told me she would have to bring her dog along which i said was fine.
when we got to the event, she asked for my keys and i didn’t really think much of it. i can unlock my car with my phone so i left them with her.
when i got back the car later i saw that she had left her dog in the car. please note the car was a perfectly safe temperature and she had access to water. when i let the dog out i realized that she had clawed up the interior of my car and there were also scratch marks underneath the window. apparently my friend had left the window cracked and the dog jumped out scratching the exterior.
i got the car (brand new) about 2 months ago and want to restore it to it prior state. i took the car into a reputable retailer and they quoted me $3500 to fix all of the scratch marks.
technically, my insurance would cover this but my rates would increase l. wibta if i asked my friend to pay for the repairs out of pocket instead of going through my insurance?
| 638 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xov4up/wibta_for_asking_my_friend_to_pay_3500_after_her/
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2022-09-26 20:40:11
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nta: her dog, her bill.
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nta
asshole left her dog unattended in your brand new car. without permission.
she is 100% responsible for the damage.
take her to court if she doesn't pay. you will win easily. save emails now!
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nta. why in the world would that friend bring the dog then leave the dog in the car.
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nta, but the friendship will be torched. which...probably isn't a bad thing.
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nta, who tf takes their dog to something then leaves it in the car? she could have left it at home. this is all on her, just as if her dog damaged your house or your actual body.
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nta. so the fun part here is that your insurance company will ask you how the damage happened. and if you tell them that it was your friend's dog, there is a very good chance your insurer will come after your friend.
so either way, your friend would need to pony up.
and, well .... your friend won't be your friend anymore if you push this.
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nta - but i would get a second quote on what it would cost to fix.
btw - you're friend is also an ah for leaving a dog in the car for any period of time, not to mention that it was not their car, and a brand new car to boot...!
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you won't be ta if you try, but don't hold your breath.
if she has homeowner insurance, that might cover it, and you can try to see if you can get her to make a claim under that.
if she just asked you for your key and didn't tell you what she wanted it for, you can honestly claim that she did not have your permission to leave her dog unsupervised in your brand new car.
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why do people think their dogs must go everywhere they do?
believe it or not your dog is going to do much better at home with a pet sitter checking on them than in a hot or cold car in a parking lot or garage. they don't need to go to the grocery store or home depot. they don't need to go on all your dates, or over to your relatives house. they don't need to go to your kids sporting events. leave them home where they have food, water, a safe temperature, toys, and familiarity.
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1) insurance rates do not increase for claims that are not your fault. generally speaking.
2) her dog her responsibility, she should pay for, at a minimal, the deductible.
wnbta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my friend asked to carpool with me to an event. i wanted to take my car and she told me she would have to bring her dog along which i said was fine. when we got to the event, she asked for my keys and i didn’t really think much of it. i can unlock my car with my phone so i left them with her. when i got back the car later i saw that she had left her dog in the car. please note the car was a perfectly safe temperature and she had access to water. when i let the dog out i realized that she had clawed up the interior of my car and there were also scratch marks underneath the window. apparently my friend had left the window cracked and the dog jumped out scratching the exterior. i got the car (brand new) about 2 months ago and want to restore it to it prior state. i took the car into a reputable retailer and they quoted me $3500 to fix all of the scratch marks. technically, my insurance would cover this but my rates would increase l. wibta if i asked my friend to pay for the repairs out of pocket instead of going through my insurance?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my friend asked to carpool with me to an event. i wanted to take my car and she told me she would have to bring her dog along which i said was fine. when we got to the event, she asked for my keys and i didn’t really think much of it. i can unlock my car with my phone so i left them with her. when i got back the car later i saw that she had left her dog in the car. please note the car was a perfectly safe temperature and she had access to water. when i let the dog out i realized that she had clawed up the interior of my car and there were also scratch marks underneath the window. apparently my friend had left the window cracked and the dog jumped out scratching the exterior. i got the car (brand new) about 2 months ago and want to restore it to it prior state. i took the car into a reputable retailer and they quoted me $3500 to fix all of the scratch marks. technically, my insurance would cover this but my rates would increase l. wibta if i asked my friend to pay for the repairs out of pocket instead of going through my insurance? [/INST] nta: her dog, her bill. </s>
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WIBTA for going off on family members name-shaming my son?
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my son is 4 months old and for the last 4 months, i have only heard from family members how his first name, henry is terrible and how they plan to only call him by his middle name, tarrin. my aunt is the main one that does this, saying how henry is an old man's name and "playfully" saying names that are better to her. my cousin visited today, and the entire time would only call him tarrin. i've tried to bite my tongue about it but it's reaching the point where it's just straight irritating.
| 216 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bg9vtg/wibta_for_going_off_on_family_members_nameshaming/
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2019-04-23 00:51:28
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nta start calling your cousin henry
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nta.
i personally think henry is a great name for all ages, i don’t see the problem with it. even if i did, your kid your choice. your family members should respect that choice.
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nta
if you wanted your son to be called "tarrin" on a regular basis, you would have made that his first name from the get-go.
tell your relatives to knock that shit off if they want to have a continued roll in henry's life (and i'd even put the emphasis on the name)
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nta- i clicked expecting you to say you named your kid something like "talon" or "zethro". henry is a great name. they can go sit on a tack.
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not the asshole. henry is his given name, so you should require your family members to refer to him as such. that is, unless he chooses later to be called by his middle name, but that’s not the point here.
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nta. henry is a boss name, they can get over themselves. i named my son "coleman frederick" and got similar feedback. i want to name my next son "roscoe jones". imo everyone is a critic when it comes to baby names. i thought my wife would be against roscoe jones but she thinks he'd be the coolest guy ever with a name like that. it's your right to name your kid whatever you want and they need to respect that.
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nta - not using the name you ask them to use is impolite and disrespectful to both of you. don't bite your tongue - use it!
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nta - correct them now, so that he doesn't get confused later.
storytime: when my younger brother was born, he got three first names: one his grandmother chose, one i chose, one his mother chose (in that order).
so imagine his name is something like walter christopher mark smith. his grandmother only called him walter; i called him chris, because it was the name i chose; his mum never used mark because she regretted the choice (and -honest to god- started calling him henry and still does to this day).
so you have this kid who is being called by three different names; getting teachers confused as to why he's primarily going by his middle name, having his mother refer to him by a name that's not even on his birth certificate, etc.
there's nothing wrong with henry for your son, go off on your family.
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nta, henry is an adorable name! tell everyone you legally changed his middle name to henry too. then what will they do??
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nta at all. tell them to get their act together. it is s your child and you choose his name. especially when kids are young, being called different things can be confusing.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my son is 4 months old and for the last 4 months, i have only heard from family members how his first name, henry is terrible and how they plan to only call him by his middle name, tarrin. my aunt is the main one that does this, saying how henry is an old man's name and "playfully" saying names that are better to her. my cousin visited today, and the entire time would only call him tarrin. i've tried to bite my tongue about it but it's reaching the point where it's just straight irritating.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my son is 4 months old and for the last 4 months, i have only heard from family members how his first name, henry is terrible and how they plan to only call him by his middle name, tarrin. my aunt is the main one that does this, saying how henry is an old man's name and "playfully" saying names that are better to her. my cousin visited today, and the entire time would only call him tarrin. i've tried to bite my tongue about it but it's reaching the point where it's just straight irritating. [/INST] nta start calling your cousin henry </s>
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AITA For not switching places with my friend and ruining her life
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this happened a couple weeks ago but i'm still getting shit about it.
a friend of mine daya (fake name) asked me if i wanted to come with her on some errands and see her new car. i said yes because i had some things to get done and my car was being checked over. (we're in the same bubble and stayed masked the whole time)
well while we were out daya ended up hitting another car while turning left. we were both shaken but mostly fine yet but when i started to call the police daya started freaking out even more. she started begging me not to call the cops and to just go talk to the other driver. i didn't feel comfortable not calling them so i went ahead and did. then daya started begging me to get in the driver's seat, saying i had to get in the driver's seat, i had to claim i was the one driving. turns out daya doesn't have a license. she needed/wanted a car but didn't feel like getting her license so her mom bought the car for her.
i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police so i continued to refuse and just got out of the car and waited on the sidewalk for them to get there. well daya got arrested for driving without a license, insurance, or registration for her car and just told me today she has been found at fault for the accident.
now daya, her mom, and half of our friends are saying i'm an asshole for not just switching places. she is now facing multiple fines, possible jail time, and being kicked out of our ma program because of all this. i tried to explain that i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police but she just keeps calling me a "privileged bitch" and wishing horrible things would happen to me.
so am i the asshole for not switching places with her?
| 23,456 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l5gpw6/aita_for_not_switching_places_with_my_friend_and/
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2021-01-26 15:51:45
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nta. you could get into financial, legal trouble (insurance fraud) for lying. you did the right thing. she's mad because she brought all this on herself.
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no. don’t drive without a license. she wasn’t even doing something heroic... she was running errands, if daya is this mean to you, she’s not a good friend. this isn’t a white lie, this is literally not having a license or insurance, doing some dumb show off car run, being in an ma program and getting her mom and friends to gang up on you; find better friends
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nta
she ruined her own life. she and her mom chose to be irresponsible. not only did they do something illegal but then asked you to do something illegal.
block her on all platforms. if she continues to harass you because she’s an idiot that did idiotic things, tell her you’ll inform the police that you are being harassed.
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>now daya, her mom, and half of our friends are saying i'm an asshole for not just switching places.
you don't need any of those people in your life.
**nta** and i'm sad that for one moment you even considered you were one.
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“aita for not volunteering to commit [several crimes](https://www.criminaldefenselawyer.com/resources/criminal-defense/crime-penalties/lie-police-friend.htm) for a friend and her mother who were breaking the law?”
nta
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nta
not in any way at all.
she's been massively selfish, first in just thinking she has the right to drive around without a license or insurance. absolute ah thing to do. secondly in just assuming you would carry the can for her. *maybe* if you'd gone a long with it there wouldn't have been any consequences, maybe there would. you could have been charged wit dangerous driving or for perverting the course of justice. it's not on you to take that risk all because of her stupidity.
imagine having the balls to call *you* a privileged bitch! this girl sounds like she just swans around thinking the world owes her a favour and none of her actions should have consequences.
her life isn't ruined. maybe she's going to pay a high price and learn a pretty tough lesson but that's fair. it's up to her to learn that lesson, be a better person, and put this behind her.
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nta
so she did several illegal things, that are each a big no no
- driving without a license
- driving a car without registration
- driving without insurance
she and her mom definitely should have known better than doing/allowing that.
she also risked your life by letting you get into the car with her under false premises because i suspect you thought she had actual, you know, training how to drive safely and a license to show she did.
and she, her mom and those bullys now say your ta because you refused to do other illegal things on top of that? doesn't work like that!
also you did the absolute right thing. you could have gotten in serious legal trouble switching places with her because aside from the lying to the police then you would have been the one driving without registration and insurance. also, seeing there is no insurance, the cost of the damage would have legally been on you. seeing what a peach your friend and her mother are, you can't be sure they wouldn't have let you sit on that.
also, she got in legal trouble and kicked out of school because of a decision she made. even if it wasn't so detrimental for you to do so you're under no moral obligation to safe her from the consequences of her own actions.
i would seriously cut contact. friend and mom sound super toxic. find a friend who won't get you into trouble.
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nta; if you had lied and it came to light at any point, you would be charged for a lot of things and would get in trouble financially and legally.
also it's not about privilege since apparently your friend could afford a license, she just didn't feel like it. well maybe if she had, she wouldn't have hit the other car because she would have learned how to drive with a proper instructor.
looks like it's the consequences of her own actions. she should have thought of all that before doing something both illegal and extremely dangerous. there's a reason people \*learn\* how to drive; it's not as easy as it looks on the outside.
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nta.
>well daya got arrested for driving without a license, insurance, or registration for her car and just told me today she has been found at fault for the accident.
she did this herself
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nta
you didn’t ruin her life. daya ruined her own life. period.
the bad news here is that you have lost daya as a friend, though i’m not sure you would want a friend like that.
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this happened a couple weeks ago but i'm still getting shit about it. a friend of mine daya (fake name) asked me if i wanted to come with her on some errands and see her new car. i said yes because i had some things to get done and my car was being checked over. (we're in the same bubble and stayed masked the whole time) well while we were out daya ended up hitting another car while turning left. we were both shaken but mostly fine yet but when i started to call the police daya started freaking out even more. she started begging me not to call the cops and to just go talk to the other driver. i didn't feel comfortable not calling them so i went ahead and did. then daya started begging me to get in the driver's seat, saying i had to get in the driver's seat, i had to claim i was the one driving. turns out daya doesn't have a license. she needed/wanted a car but didn't feel like getting her license so her mom bought the car for her. i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police so i continued to refuse and just got out of the car and waited on the sidewalk for them to get there. well daya got arrested for driving without a license, insurance, or registration for her car and just told me today she has been found at fault for the accident. now daya, her mom, and half of our friends are saying i'm an asshole for not just switching places. she is now facing multiple fines, possible jail time, and being kicked out of our ma program because of all this. i tried to explain that i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police but she just keeps calling me a "privileged bitch" and wishing horrible things would happen to me. so am i the asshole for not switching places with her?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this happened a couple weeks ago but i'm still getting shit about it. a friend of mine daya (fake name) asked me if i wanted to come with her on some errands and see her new car. i said yes because i had some things to get done and my car was being checked over. (we're in the same bubble and stayed masked the whole time) well while we were out daya ended up hitting another car while turning left. we were both shaken but mostly fine yet but when i started to call the police daya started freaking out even more. she started begging me not to call the cops and to just go talk to the other driver. i didn't feel comfortable not calling them so i went ahead and did. then daya started begging me to get in the driver's seat, saying i had to get in the driver's seat, i had to claim i was the one driving. turns out daya doesn't have a license. she needed/wanted a car but didn't feel like getting her license so her mom bought the car for her. i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police so i continued to refuse and just got out of the car and waited on the sidewalk for them to get there. well daya got arrested for driving without a license, insurance, or registration for her car and just told me today she has been found at fault for the accident. now daya, her mom, and half of our friends are saying i'm an asshole for not just switching places. she is now facing multiple fines, possible jail time, and being kicked out of our ma program because of all this. i tried to explain that i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police but she just keeps calling me a "privileged bitch" and wishing horrible things would happen to me. so am i the asshole for not switching places with her? [/INST] nta. you could get into financial, legal trouble (insurance fraud) for lying. you did the right thing. she's mad because she brought all this on herself. </s>
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AITA for refusing to change my daughters bedroom for my pregnant SIL?
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my sil (28) is visiting for christmas and was sleeping in my daughters (16) bedroom. from the first day she's been here all she's done is complain about how my daughters bedroom is decorated.
her walls are black and she has a bunch of rock posters on her walls. my sil is very christian and she says that it's evil and that she can have no part in it. she kept asking me to make my daughter change it/take the posters down. i spoke to my daughter about it and she said that if her aunt doesn't like it then she doesn't have to sleep in there. i honestly agreed and didn't feel like fighting with an teenage girl over a poster.
anyways, right before bed last night i could hear my daughter kind of yelling and crying. when i went to see what had happened i saw that her aunt had taken all her stuff off of the walls and had "accidentally" ripped one of them which was signed by the artist. my daughter was freaking out and my sil explained that the "evil" posters gave her anxiety and that when she got anxious the baby wouldn't stop kicking and she couldn't sleep.
i told my daughter to tape the ripped poster back together and that she could put all of it back up in the morning. i told my sil that if she didn't like it she could sleep on the couch or find a hotel.
my wife doesn't like the way my daughters room is decorated either and of course she sided with her sister. she told my daughter that if she put them back up then she would rip them all up. she told me that she "couldn't believe that i would suggest that her sister should leave".
aita?
| 19,079 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k5k7nt/aita_for_refusing_to_change_my_daughters_bedroom/
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2020-12-02 22:36:07
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nta - she is a guest in your house: your house, your rules. how dare she infringe on your hospitality by telling your daughter how to decorate her bedroom. if she doesn't like it then she can book a hotel room or airbnb.
your wife is also an ah for enabling her sister and using the situation to undermine your daughter's right to her identity and interests.
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nta - but christmas is still 20+ days away, and it is completely unreasonable to make a teenager give up her room for that length of time for someone who destroys their belongings and disrespects them.
maybe point out to your wife that choosing her sister over her daughter will effect the kind of relationship they have for the next few years at least and teenagers can be petty when the feel the need.
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nta. only ah here are your wife and her sister. way to alienate her daughter and clearly show that the sister/aunt has priority over the teen that lives in the house.
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nta-, why the fuck is your sil staying for an entire month? if i was your daughter i would be pissed about having to share my living space with a grown child for an entire month, what a breach of her privacy and sense of home.
is your wife not your daughter's mom? i can't imagine telling my daughter or niece that i would rip their shit up because i don't like the fengshui. she(sil) is a guest in your home, it isn't her place to decide what goes or stays on the walls.
i say this as i know i would put my sil in her place or out my front door if she did this to my kid.
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nta. sil's behavior shows a complete lack of respect for your daughter as a person. hopefully you have a non-demonic couch for her to sleep on.
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nta!!!!!! wow, fuck off old aunt and let your teenage girl (who sounds fucking rad as hell btw) live her life. my god, they are posters lol.
this christian cult lady sounds like an absolute nightmare and i would be kicking her to the curb just as soon as she replaces your daughters art. this is your house that you fucking live in and the audacity of her touching anything in your home (as a guest) without express permission is actually shocking.
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esh you shouldn’t have kicked your daughter out of her room for your sil in the first place and once she started destroying and changing your daughter’s room, she should have been out of there. she doesn’t get to come into your daughter’s space and change it around or destroy her property. your wife is as ridiculous as her sister, she should be defending your daughter and not co-signing your daughter being made to feel unwelcome in her own home. poor kid.
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info: does your wife and daughter have a good relationship? it sounds like your wife cares more about her sister than her own daughter.
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nta. your sil and wife are tas. it's your daughter's room. like you said, if she is uncomfortable, she can sleep somewhere else. your sil should also pay for the poster that she destroyed.
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nta but also kinda info - is this you and your wife’s child? or is wife the stepmom? either way i’d be concerned at your wife telling a 16 year old that she would rip up all her decorations because sil doesn’t like them.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.032022 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sil (28) is visiting for christmas and was sleeping in my daughters (16) bedroom. from the first day she's been here all she's done is complain about how my daughters bedroom is decorated. her walls are black and she has a bunch of rock posters on her walls. my sil is very christian and she says that it's evil and that she can have no part in it. she kept asking me to make my daughter change it/take the posters down. i spoke to my daughter about it and she said that if her aunt doesn't like it then she doesn't have to sleep in there. i honestly agreed and didn't feel like fighting with an teenage girl over a poster. anyways, right before bed last night i could hear my daughter kind of yelling and crying. when i went to see what had happened i saw that her aunt had taken all her stuff off of the walls and had "accidentally" ripped one of them which was signed by the artist. my daughter was freaking out and my sil explained that the "evil" posters gave her anxiety and that when she got anxious the baby wouldn't stop kicking and she couldn't sleep. i told my daughter to tape the ripped poster back together and that she could put all of it back up in the morning. i told my sil that if she didn't like it she could sleep on the couch or find a hotel. my wife doesn't like the way my daughters room is decorated either and of course she sided with her sister. she told my daughter that if she put them back up then she would rip them all up. she told me that she "couldn't believe that i would suggest that her sister should leave". aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sil (28) is visiting for christmas and was sleeping in my daughters (16) bedroom. from the first day she's been here all she's done is complain about how my daughters bedroom is decorated. her walls are black and she has a bunch of rock posters on her walls. my sil is very christian and she says that it's evil and that she can have no part in it. she kept asking me to make my daughter change it/take the posters down. i spoke to my daughter about it and she said that if her aunt doesn't like it then she doesn't have to sleep in there. i honestly agreed and didn't feel like fighting with an teenage girl over a poster. anyways, right before bed last night i could hear my daughter kind of yelling and crying. when i went to see what had happened i saw that her aunt had taken all her stuff off of the walls and had "accidentally" ripped one of them which was signed by the artist. my daughter was freaking out and my sil explained that the "evil" posters gave her anxiety and that when she got anxious the baby wouldn't stop kicking and she couldn't sleep. i told my daughter to tape the ripped poster back together and that she could put all of it back up in the morning. i told my sil that if she didn't like it she could sleep on the couch or find a hotel. my wife doesn't like the way my daughters room is decorated either and of course she sided with her sister. she told my daughter that if she put them back up then she would rip them all up. she told me that she "couldn't believe that i would suggest that her sister should leave". aita? [/INST] nta - she is a guest in your house: your house, your rules. how dare she infringe on your hospitality by telling your daughter how to decorate her bedroom. if she doesn't like it then she can book a hotel room or airbnb. your wife is also an ah for enabling her sister and using the situation to undermine your daughter's right to her identity and interests. </s>
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AITA for kicking a patient out of my examination room?
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tldr: i refused to x-ray a screaming child and kicked them out of my exam room.
i am a radiographer working in a large public hospital. as a result of the pandemic, our shifts have been exponentially more hectic and our days mostly consists of scanning these patients.
today, i was rostered to work in the emergency department and then, swap to the icu ward later in the afternoon. before moving to the icu ward, i had an order for a hand x-ray for a young (6m) child who had a fall in a playground. conducting x-ray examinations for children can be challenging but dealing with their parents is the absolute worst in some cases. this was the case today.
before the examination had even commenced, his mother, who i’ll call brenda, threw expletives at me and questioned why it took four hours to “push a damn button”. it was clear to me that there might have been an issue with her son’s hand as he had a very limited range of motion and it was quite swollen so i bit my tongue and tried to continue. despite asking her to wait in the waiting room, brenda refused and said that she had to stay with her baby just in case i hurt him. her son was in a lot of pain and he was really distressed so i allowed it because he seemed to calm down when she was around. trying to get him to stay still was an absolute nightmare and he screamed like a banshee and at one stage, threw a tantrum by jumping out of his chair and flailing on the ground. brenda wasn’t doing anything to help the situation and she continued to scream at me and accuse me of purposefully hurting her son. i even asked brenda to help hold her son down (she would’ve been protected for radiation) but she refused.
this is where i may be the asshole. after 20 minutes of trying to get him to work with me, i gave up. i was due at another ward to relieve a shift and i told brenda that it was clear that it wasn’t going to work out and that i can’t examine her son. she told me to go fuck myself, called me incompetent and that she’ll be reporting me to the hospital. i told her that we have an official complaints helpline and that she can do what she likes and then, i shut the door in her face.
i told my family about this case and they agreed that i was a huge asshole for refusing care to a patient that clearly needed treatment and that i could’ve called a colleague to take over or help me as i was having so much trouble. we’re very short staffed due to the pandemic and there was no one available to assist. i am unsure if she ended up receiving treatment for her son. i’m starting to feel bad about this situation and maybe i could have handled it better. so, aita?
| 3,163 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p82w5r/aita_for_kicking_a_patient_out_of_my_examination/
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2021-08-20 10:57:50
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nta. "first do no harm" doesn't mean you should have to put up with bullshit. it was her refusal to help the situation that was making it impossible for you to do the xray on her child. she is the one who made the decision to make her son wait for another tech to take the xray.
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nta
she was clearly using you as a punching bag for whatever else is going on in her life. you have every right to withdraw care if you are being personally attacked.
kudos for lasting 20mins.
i’m just an electrician, and you better believe i’ve left peoples houses without power if they pull this shit (after warning them i’d leave if they kept it up).
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nta. i have an autistic child who had a hairline fracture on his wrist about 5 years ago when he was 7. we had to take him to get an x-ray. the team tried for 20 minutes but the whole process was such a huge sensory overload for him that he couldn’t handle it. we left and made another appointment for a few days time and used a wrist brace in the mean time. few days later we went back and i was firm but patient with him. held him securely and arranged for them to take one quickly. he saw straight away that it wasn’t scary and was fine then to finish the whole process of ‘taking photos of his bones’. the staff were so wonderful and even let him go and look at the photos on the computer. it became quite the memory.
parents can make either good memories or traumatic memories for their kids. this is no way on you. you did well.
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what does your hospital policy say about this situation, especially if there's no other member of staff available?
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at the end of the day hospital workers are there to help. sure it can get hard sometimes and i can see why some people get annoyed. however if she truely cared about her son she would have worked with you instead of letting him throw a tantrum in pain.
nta as you are not an emotional punching bag. you may receive a warning from the complaint but people need to show some more respect.
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look, the kid deserved treatment. i get the point of view of 'you can't just leave a kid with a broken hand'.
but at the end of the day you're human, and most of us couldn't deal with what it takes to work in emergency and icu on a good day, let alone months of terrible ones. to still be standing and doing the work you do after \*waves hand at all this\* is already a massive ask.
there was not a lot more you could do, when both patient and mother were against you, and you were needed elsewhere to care for others. you had to make a call.
the kid's mother brought this loss of treatment on their kid by losing her own shit and making it harder for you to treat him. i don't doubt that her aggressive attitude to you was playing into her kid's reaction and she did nothing to help resolve that. it's on her, and she's the one who needs to reflect on what she did wrong.
if i had to give you a 'what to do for next time' i might say you could have directed her what she needed to do next to try to get the kid examined, but i can't fault you for not maintaining perfect composure under abuse.
nta
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fellow radiographer here and i think you’re nta. you can’t force someone’s hand into place even if their parent tells you to. perhaps the ward needed to give stronger painkillers or sedation beforehand.
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nta. you have taken any lot of patience with this mother. there was a point you are needed to get out of this situation.
the mother of the kid is wrong.
i hope that you are now back in a good health for your own safety.
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nta. the mother is at fault for not teaching her child how to behave. she should know that hospital workers need to be treated with respect and aren't her personal workers. how was she expecting it to go, anyway? i don't think anyone can help a tantrum-throwing child that refuses to play along.
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ct tech here. nta. i’ve had to send uncooperative patients back to the er and to the floor before. i don’t think a lot of people realize how little our departments are staffed. i work by myself after midnight and sometimes i really don’t have the time to spend 20-30 minutes scanning a patient when it should only take 5 minutes. i’m sure if you had a co-worker that could help you would’ve asked.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: tldr: i refused to x-ray a screaming child and kicked them out of my exam room. i am a radiographer working in a large public hospital. as a result of the pandemic, our shifts have been exponentially more hectic and our days mostly consists of scanning these patients. today, i was rostered to work in the emergency department and then, swap to the icu ward later in the afternoon. before moving to the icu ward, i had an order for a hand x-ray for a young (6m) child who had a fall in a playground. conducting x-ray examinations for children can be challenging but dealing with their parents is the absolute worst in some cases. this was the case today. before the examination had even commenced, his mother, who i’ll call brenda, threw expletives at me and questioned why it took four hours to “push a damn button”. it was clear to me that there might have been an issue with her son’s hand as he had a very limited range of motion and it was quite swollen so i bit my tongue and tried to continue. despite asking her to wait in the waiting room, brenda refused and said that she had to stay with her baby just in case i hurt him. her son was in a lot of pain and he was really distressed so i allowed it because he seemed to calm down when she was around. trying to get him to stay still was an absolute nightmare and he screamed like a banshee and at one stage, threw a tantrum by jumping out of his chair and flailing on the ground. brenda wasn’t doing anything to help the situation and she continued to scream at me and accuse me of purposefully hurting her son. i even asked brenda to help hold her son down (she would’ve been protected for radiation) but she refused. this is where i may be the asshole. after 20 minutes of trying to get him to work with me, i gave up. i was due at another ward to relieve a shift and i told brenda that it was clear that it wasn’t going to work out and that i can’t examine her son. she told me to go fuck myself, called me incompetent and that she’ll be reporting me to the hospital. i told her that we have an official complaints helpline and that she can do what she likes and then, i shut the door in her face. i told my family about this case and they agreed that i was a huge asshole for refusing care to a patient that clearly needed treatment and that i could’ve called a colleague to take over or help me as i was having so much trouble. we’re very short staffed due to the pandemic and there was no one available to assist. i am unsure if she ended up receiving treatment for her son. i’m starting to feel bad about this situation and maybe i could have handled it better. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
tldr: i refused to x-ray a screaming child and kicked them out of my exam room. i am a radiographer working in a large public hospital. as a result of the pandemic, our shifts have been exponentially more hectic and our days mostly consists of scanning these patients. today, i was rostered to work in the emergency department and then, swap to the icu ward later in the afternoon. before moving to the icu ward, i had an order for a hand x-ray for a young (6m) child who had a fall in a playground. conducting x-ray examinations for children can be challenging but dealing with their parents is the absolute worst in some cases. this was the case today. before the examination had even commenced, his mother, who i’ll call brenda, threw expletives at me and questioned why it took four hours to “push a damn button”. it was clear to me that there might have been an issue with her son’s hand as he had a very limited range of motion and it was quite swollen so i bit my tongue and tried to continue. despite asking her to wait in the waiting room, brenda refused and said that she had to stay with her baby just in case i hurt him. her son was in a lot of pain and he was really distressed so i allowed it because he seemed to calm down when she was around. trying to get him to stay still was an absolute nightmare and he screamed like a banshee and at one stage, threw a tantrum by jumping out of his chair and flailing on the ground. brenda wasn’t doing anything to help the situation and she continued to scream at me and accuse me of purposefully hurting her son. i even asked brenda to help hold her son down (she would’ve been protected for radiation) but she refused. this is where i may be the asshole. after 20 minutes of trying to get him to work with me, i gave up. i was due at another ward to relieve a shift and i told brenda that it was clear that it wasn’t going to work out and that i can’t examine her son. she told me to go fuck myself, called me incompetent and that she’ll be reporting me to the hospital. i told her that we have an official complaints helpline and that she can do what she likes and then, i shut the door in her face. i told my family about this case and they agreed that i was a huge asshole for refusing care to a patient that clearly needed treatment and that i could’ve called a colleague to take over or help me as i was having so much trouble. we’re very short staffed due to the pandemic and there was no one available to assist. i am unsure if she ended up receiving treatment for her son. i’m starting to feel bad about this situation and maybe i could have handled it better. so, aita? [/INST] nta. "first do no harm" doesn't mean you should have to put up with bullshit. it was her refusal to help the situation that was making it impossible for you to do the xray on her child. she is the one who made the decision to make her son wait for another tech to take the xray. </s>
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AITA for getting upset about all of my ice cream being eaten?
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so while i was out with a friend today, my wife had her mother over. no biggie or anything there, that's not uncommon. well they wanted to try the pumpkin ice cream that i had just bought the night before. again no biggie. here's where i got upset and my wife doesn't really see the big deal. they left me less than a serving size of the ice cream left in the container and my wife said "oh i thought to myself this would be a fine amount for you to have." it would've been the equivalent to half a scoop. if this was a once or twice thing i'd be a little irate ,but this is like the 10th time this has happened. it's gotten to the point where i don't buy sweets and have them at home, or if i do i make sure they have her allergen in them so i can enjoy them myself.
| 174 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dkc45e/aita_for_getting_upset_about_all_of_my_ice_cream/
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2019-10-20 00:17:01
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nta, that's super rude behavior.
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what is it with the sos on this sub commandeering food? it drives me up the wall.
nta. the ice cream is ‘both’ of yours! if you share something with someone you should be considerate in how you use it so they can enjoy it equally and not half a scoop!
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nta leaving less than a serving is not god damn sharing. maybe you should chop the ice cream in half next time, put it in two freezer bags, put a little bit of gluten in one bag and write on the bag that "this one has gluten added to it, do not eat."
she needs to learn self control, being married does not mean that one person no longer has the right to eat sweets while the other can eat the whole carton by themselves. you are absolutely justified and right to be upset about this. and no, being reasonably selfish does not automatically make you an asshole. wanting to shower is selfish, is that bad? obviously not, and wanting more than a bite of ice cream is pretty reasonable.
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info. have you talked to your wife about this?
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nta she is being selfish. i would make a big deal about it with her and her mother.
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nta, but i am super biased about ice cream right now because i’m extremely pregnant. my ice cream bars are my life right now.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0.010352 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so while i was out with a friend today, my wife had her mother over. no biggie or anything there, that's not uncommon. well they wanted to try the pumpkin ice cream that i had just bought the night before. again no biggie. here's where i got upset and my wife doesn't really see the big deal. they left me less than a serving size of the ice cream left in the container and my wife said "oh i thought to myself this would be a fine amount for you to have." it would've been the equivalent to half a scoop. if this was a once or twice thing i'd be a little irate ,but this is like the 10th time this has happened. it's gotten to the point where i don't buy sweets and have them at home, or if i do i make sure they have her allergen in them so i can enjoy them myself.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so while i was out with a friend today, my wife had her mother over. no biggie or anything there, that's not uncommon. well they wanted to try the pumpkin ice cream that i had just bought the night before. again no biggie. here's where i got upset and my wife doesn't really see the big deal. they left me less than a serving size of the ice cream left in the container and my wife said "oh i thought to myself this would be a fine amount for you to have." it would've been the equivalent to half a scoop. if this was a once or twice thing i'd be a little irate ,but this is like the 10th time this has happened. it's gotten to the point where i don't buy sweets and have them at home, or if i do i make sure they have her allergen in them so i can enjoy them myself. [/INST] nta, that's super rude behavior. </s>
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AITA for not supporting my ex
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ex broke up with my a decade ago, 3 months before our child was born. said i wasn't fit to be a father due to an opioid addiction. i'd been in a wreck that caused severe spinal damage/pain and formed a habit that i'll admit took me a lot longer to kick than i'm proud of. she was never in any way supportive on that particular subject, but her leaving me over it was out of the blue. courts said custody would be 50/50 and it has been since.
in that decade i've done okay, remarried a wonderful woman who i've had 2 girls with and was promoted into a position with a 7 figure salary. my ex has not done well, she's remarried twice and was broken up with both times. filed bankruptcy, lives in what i can only describe as a shit hole apartment.
i make sure my son is well taken care of, my wife, girls and i spend every moment we're legally entitled to spend with him and we offer to include him in quite literally everything, which is mother frequently declines when it's on "her time". my son and ex both know as well that if he needs anything he can call and ask, i've sent food/clothing/etc. frequently and several times put them both up in a hotel because their apartment was being fumigated or similar.
both my parents, my ex's parents, my sister and of course my ex feel i should be financially supporting my ex. their reasoning is that my son stays with her half the time, she's the mother of my son, during those times he's with her they're both living in squalor and my son gets upset every time he has to go with his mother who he's started saying he "hates" as of late. when she tells him she won't feed him because it's expensive and to call me because i have money - it's no small wonder. so far as i'm aware she can afford to feed him, she's working two jobs, but she'd rather i pay his expenses so she can afford expensive shoes in addition to the minimum payment on her maxed out credit cards. (i've tried to get sole custody, the courts made it clear that short of her murdering several people that's not happening.) i've held my ground thus far, as i feel i've no responsibility for her and i've no desire to support her using my son against me for her own financial gain which is exactly what she's doing. my wife says she sees both sides.
so, aita for not financially supporting my ex because it affects my son?
| 1,477 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zosuxj/aita_for_not_supporting_my_ex/
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2022-12-18 07:25:09
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nta. support your son, not your ex.
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save proof of everything she says and does that is neglectful of your children. text messages, emails, etc where she is saying anything like that.
hire a good attorney and bring her ass back to court again. you can even report to your son’s school if his mother is neglecting or abusing him. they are obligated to report it.
you clearly provide for your child and are a good parent. you can prove to the courts that she is unfit if you have sufficient documentation.
you need to speak to an attorney. reddit is not the place for this, but you are nta for not wanting to financially support her. it’s only your job to financially support your kid.
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nta, but if you’re making a million + a year, you must smart enough to figure out how to protect your son. call cps or similar if it’s truly squalor. pay for a lawyer, do *something* besides complaining about it on reddit! act!
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nta. she wants 50/50 then it is on her to take care of him for her 50. you are not responsible for her. i am sorry you were unable to get full custody. any way to give your son a card he can use to buy food when at his moms if she doesn't feed him?
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nta she has two jobs but wants you to pay the kid’s expenses when he lives with her, plus she will take and spend any money you give your son… she needs to do better and actually take care of her son on her time with her money.
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nta
if your ex cannot support your child, then she should give up custody to you. she made her own choices that have resulted in her current living conditions.
keep on giving the child support that the court has mandated, and remind your son that when he reaches the appropriate age he can choose for himself where he wants to live.
and if your son feels like he's not being given the care & living environment he can thrive in, he should call cps on his mother.
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this is really not an "asshole" question.
if your son is truly living in squalor when he's with his mother, it's time to rethink your custody arrangement. contact your attorney.
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esh
missing missing reasons.
your wife has had a rough time in life since she left you; are you happy yet? you went into a lot of detail about her but you barely put any of that energy into your kid. considering your parents think you should help her, and your *wife* sees both sides, i'm willing to bet that your wife leaving you wasn't nearly as 'out of the blue' as *you* think it is.
you think it's unreasonable that she doesn't allow him to go with you on 'her time' and yet it's because **it's her time** and that might bite her in the ass in the long term, and if you really wanted him there consistently, you'd do it on your time. thousands of people out there have 50/50 custody and they can make it work. are you offering to trade weeks with her? or are you putting her into a position where she's the 'bad guy' and you're the 'rich fun dad'?
without knowing any details beyond 'squalor,' however you may define that as (which from what we can tell, it sounds like she lives in a cheap shitty side of town where neighbors probably have bugs that get into their apartment, which they fumigate for, which is not abuse because it's being *dealt* with). i also highly doubt someone who is working two jobs and has maxed out credit cards is specifically angling for a new pair expensive shoes, unless those 'expensive shoes' are work related or the one rare thing she used to treat herself. like, maybe your ex is a witch from hell but there is way too many holes for me to buy that, let alone the fact that you both might be just as bad to work with.
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[deleted]
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nta if you’re doing this out of true concern for your child, but yta if you’re still pissed off ten years later than your ex didn’t do some “stand by your man” bullshit when she was pregnant and you were in active addiction.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
ESH
| null |
NTA
| 0.01744 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ex broke up with my a decade ago, 3 months before our child was born. said i wasn't fit to be a father due to an opioid addiction. i'd been in a wreck that caused severe spinal damage/pain and formed a habit that i'll admit took me a lot longer to kick than i'm proud of. she was never in any way supportive on that particular subject, but her leaving me over it was out of the blue. courts said custody would be 50/50 and it has been since. in that decade i've done okay, remarried a wonderful woman who i've had 2 girls with and was promoted into a position with a 7 figure salary. my ex has not done well, she's remarried twice and was broken up with both times. filed bankruptcy, lives in what i can only describe as a shit hole apartment. i make sure my son is well taken care of, my wife, girls and i spend every moment we're legally entitled to spend with him and we offer to include him in quite literally everything, which is mother frequently declines when it's on "her time". my son and ex both know as well that if he needs anything he can call and ask, i've sent food/clothing/etc. frequently and several times put them both up in a hotel because their apartment was being fumigated or similar. both my parents, my ex's parents, my sister and of course my ex feel i should be financially supporting my ex. their reasoning is that my son stays with her half the time, she's the mother of my son, during those times he's with her they're both living in squalor and my son gets upset every time he has to go with his mother who he's started saying he "hates" as of late. when she tells him she won't feed him because it's expensive and to call me because i have money - it's no small wonder. so far as i'm aware she can afford to feed him, she's working two jobs, but she'd rather i pay his expenses so she can afford expensive shoes in addition to the minimum payment on her maxed out credit cards. (i've tried to get sole custody, the courts made it clear that short of her murdering several people that's not happening.) i've held my ground thus far, as i feel i've no responsibility for her and i've no desire to support her using my son against me for her own financial gain which is exactly what she's doing. my wife says she sees both sides. so, aita for not financially supporting my ex because it affects my son?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ex broke up with my a decade ago, 3 months before our child was born. said i wasn't fit to be a father due to an opioid addiction. i'd been in a wreck that caused severe spinal damage/pain and formed a habit that i'll admit took me a lot longer to kick than i'm proud of. she was never in any way supportive on that particular subject, but her leaving me over it was out of the blue. courts said custody would be 50/50 and it has been since. in that decade i've done okay, remarried a wonderful woman who i've had 2 girls with and was promoted into a position with a 7 figure salary. my ex has not done well, she's remarried twice and was broken up with both times. filed bankruptcy, lives in what i can only describe as a shit hole apartment. i make sure my son is well taken care of, my wife, girls and i spend every moment we're legally entitled to spend with him and we offer to include him in quite literally everything, which is mother frequently declines when it's on "her time". my son and ex both know as well that if he needs anything he can call and ask, i've sent food/clothing/etc. frequently and several times put them both up in a hotel because their apartment was being fumigated or similar. both my parents, my ex's parents, my sister and of course my ex feel i should be financially supporting my ex. their reasoning is that my son stays with her half the time, she's the mother of my son, during those times he's with her they're both living in squalor and my son gets upset every time he has to go with his mother who he's started saying he "hates" as of late. when she tells him she won't feed him because it's expensive and to call me because i have money - it's no small wonder. so far as i'm aware she can afford to feed him, she's working two jobs, but she'd rather i pay his expenses so she can afford expensive shoes in addition to the minimum payment on her maxed out credit cards. (i've tried to get sole custody, the courts made it clear that short of her murdering several people that's not happening.) i've held my ground thus far, as i feel i've no responsibility for her and i've no desire to support her using my son against me for her own financial gain which is exactly what she's doing. my wife says she sees both sides. so, aita for not financially supporting my ex because it affects my son? [/INST] nta. support your son, not your ex. </s>
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AITA for buying my own food just for myself and for none of the other kids in the house?
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okay, so my dad just got remarried and i now have 8 step siblings. 3 of them still live in the house with us, the rest are in the navy or in college. i work and make my own money and like to buy my own things pretty often. anyways, i wanted some chick fil a for dinner tonight and decided to get some after i got out of the gym. when i came home everyone was quiet and doing their own thing. my dad asked if i asked anyone else in the house if they wanted anything from cfa, and i said no. my dad has been doing this to me every time i get my own food and it’s extremely annoying. i make my own money and eat pretty late in the day anyways most of the time. the other kids all eat around 6 or so and i eat around 8 - 9.
anyways my dad called me rude that i didn’t ask if anyone else wanted anything but i feel like there is no need to since i’m spending my own money and it’s just a big hassle just to get food so i try to avoid it. now, to be fair my father does add money back to my account if i do decide to buy everyone food because i have in the past, but i’d rather just get my own and eat alone like i used to before i moved.
not to mention that i asked the kids if i really needed to ask them if they want anything every time i get my own food and they said they don’t care and to do whatever i want.
so aita?
| 210 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j3mqas/aita_for_buying_my_own_food_just_for_myself_and/
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2020-10-02 02:48:54
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nta
you're more than allowed to purchase food for yourself and eat it, i used to get sassed all the time when i made something for dinner or lunch and didnt ask anyone else. you're all adults and capable of making your own food.
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nta. i grew up with 4 older siblings. if you had your own food and it didn’t have your name on it, it was fair game.
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nta
especially if it’s like 8 or 9 pm! i think if it was actually like dinner time it would be different and you’re not responsible for everyone’s after dinner snack. maybe eat in the car but also screw your dad he’s kind of an ah
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info : your age and the ages of siblings?
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seems to be unpopular, but i don‘t really get why it‘s such a hassle to get some food for your family as well. except for taking maybe a few mins longer to order it does no harm to you, as your dad seems to pay you back fully.
i don‘t blame your dad for thinking it‘s rude, bc why not doing sth nice that takes no effort from time to time, instead of always getting the nice shit for yourself only?
overall it‘s nah, but maybe you could sometimes be nice about ity
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i mean kind of an asshole tbh, you don't have to get them food. but by your own admission you would be reimbursed, so it isn't like you would be paying for food out of pocket and you are going to go there anyway for yourself. it would take 10 seconds to text them. this seems extremely petty to me
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NAH
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.036 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay, so my dad just got remarried and i now have 8 step siblings. 3 of them still live in the house with us, the rest are in the navy or in college. i work and make my own money and like to buy my own things pretty often. anyways, i wanted some chick fil a for dinner tonight and decided to get some after i got out of the gym. when i came home everyone was quiet and doing their own thing. my dad asked if i asked anyone else in the house if they wanted anything from cfa, and i said no. my dad has been doing this to me every time i get my own food and it’s extremely annoying. i make my own money and eat pretty late in the day anyways most of the time. the other kids all eat around 6 or so and i eat around 8 - 9. anyways my dad called me rude that i didn’t ask if anyone else wanted anything but i feel like there is no need to since i’m spending my own money and it’s just a big hassle just to get food so i try to avoid it. now, to be fair my father does add money back to my account if i do decide to buy everyone food because i have in the past, but i’d rather just get my own and eat alone like i used to before i moved. not to mention that i asked the kids if i really needed to ask them if they want anything every time i get my own food and they said they don’t care and to do whatever i want. so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay, so my dad just got remarried and i now have 8 step siblings. 3 of them still live in the house with us, the rest are in the navy or in college. i work and make my own money and like to buy my own things pretty often. anyways, i wanted some chick fil a for dinner tonight and decided to get some after i got out of the gym. when i came home everyone was quiet and doing their own thing. my dad asked if i asked anyone else in the house if they wanted anything from cfa, and i said no. my dad has been doing this to me every time i get my own food and it’s extremely annoying. i make my own money and eat pretty late in the day anyways most of the time. the other kids all eat around 6 or so and i eat around 8 - 9. anyways my dad called me rude that i didn’t ask if anyone else wanted anything but i feel like there is no need to since i’m spending my own money and it’s just a big hassle just to get food so i try to avoid it. now, to be fair my father does add money back to my account if i do decide to buy everyone food because i have in the past, but i’d rather just get my own and eat alone like i used to before i moved. not to mention that i asked the kids if i really needed to ask them if they want anything every time i get my own food and they said they don’t care and to do whatever i want. so aita? [/INST] nta you're more than allowed to purchase food for yourself and eat it, i used to get sassed all the time when i made something for dinner or lunch and didnt ask anyone else. you're all adults and capable of making your own food. </s>
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AITA for having a car towed?
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i work at a small jewelry store on a crowded street and we have 2 assigned parking spaces in the back alley that are included in our lease. it is owned by the company that leased the space to us, and legally it is ours to use. recently we've seen a car park in one of our spaces, which has been extremely frustrating since there's always 2 of us working in the store and street parking is difficult to find.
i've tried everything from leaving notes on the dash to getting bigger signage ("reserved parking- violaters will be towed"), but the same person has been parking in our spots for 2 weeks nonstop. and since they're still parked when my store closes i have no idea who this violator is.
today during a shift change on an unusually busy day (street traffic-wise) we had to close the store so that a sales associate could pull out her car and i could take her space. that was the end of my rope and i called towing and had their car removed. i told a friend about this and he said that i was being unreasonable and i should've tried harder to find the car owner. aita for getting the car towed?
| 785 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wq7avy/aita_for_having_a_car_towed/
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2022-08-16 22:13:56
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nta. you’ve been far more patient and considerate about the person stealing your shop’s parking space than reasonable. you made sure a reasonable car owner would be aware that those spots were reserved. if the driver failed to heed reasonable signage and notes, they’re probably the type who would have blown you off if you’d spoken to them.
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nta and should have done it sooner. those are spaces that are part of your lease. they are yours to use, not theirs.
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you left notes, you posted signs. they have had enough time to realize their error.
you’re nta, by a long shot.
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nta. there is always some self rightious friend who feels bad for everyone willing to questipn ones assertiveness. they are also the ones whe put up with unreasonable anount of bs in their own lives as they never stand up for themselves.
i say good for you, keep doing it or be prepared to be a doormat, next time don't wait!
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nta
you did more than your due diligence in trying to warn them. they've been parking there regularly, it's not like there was some potential emergency going on.
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[deleted]
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nta. you specifically had signage up stating that those parking spaces were reserved, and you attempted to let the owner of the car know. if they continued after that, that is on them.
it's like the old meme of garfield finding a sign that says no garfield and him wondering who that was for.
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you put up a sign that towing would happen. then you towed because you had to close your store to switch cars due to this person's invasion of your space. their car taking your space meant lost business for you.
nta.
not your job to go find the owner who is parked illegally. that's what police are for. you gave weeks of warning.
i'd be careful what i trusted that friend with, in the future, if they think you should allow strangers to do illegal things, that adversely affect you, and do nothing to protect yourself.
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nta, but i'm guessing your friend is the car owner.
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nta, but tell your friend that he is funny as all get-out. you have signage posted and enlarged the signage. you have left notes.
ask your friend if a stranger repeatedly walks into his house - despite signage noting this is private property and despite being warned and reminded multiple times if it would be rude of him to force have the police escort this stranger out of his house, if he should have 'tried harder'.
i'd also be curious to know what exactly he expected you to do more than you had already done. does he feel it is that car owner's right to ignore signs and notes until he actually is found out through extensive detective work. why is it on the victims of this parking theft to give the thief more what? (time?, warnings? hand holding? a hug?)?
the repeated parking thief was bad enough. i can't stop smh at your friend's perspective.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i work at a small jewelry store on a crowded street and we have 2 assigned parking spaces in the back alley that are included in our lease. it is owned by the company that leased the space to us, and legally it is ours to use. recently we've seen a car park in one of our spaces, which has been extremely frustrating since there's always 2 of us working in the store and street parking is difficult to find. i've tried everything from leaving notes on the dash to getting bigger signage ("reserved parking- violaters will be towed"), but the same person has been parking in our spots for 2 weeks nonstop. and since they're still parked when my store closes i have no idea who this violator is. today during a shift change on an unusually busy day (street traffic-wise) we had to close the store so that a sales associate could pull out her car and i could take her space. that was the end of my rope and i called towing and had their car removed. i told a friend about this and he said that i was being unreasonable and i should've tried harder to find the car owner. aita for getting the car towed?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i work at a small jewelry store on a crowded street and we have 2 assigned parking spaces in the back alley that are included in our lease. it is owned by the company that leased the space to us, and legally it is ours to use. recently we've seen a car park in one of our spaces, which has been extremely frustrating since there's always 2 of us working in the store and street parking is difficult to find. i've tried everything from leaving notes on the dash to getting bigger signage ("reserved parking- violaters will be towed"), but the same person has been parking in our spots for 2 weeks nonstop. and since they're still parked when my store closes i have no idea who this violator is. today during a shift change on an unusually busy day (street traffic-wise) we had to close the store so that a sales associate could pull out her car and i could take her space. that was the end of my rope and i called towing and had their car removed. i told a friend about this and he said that i was being unreasonable and i should've tried harder to find the car owner. aita for getting the car towed? [/INST] nta. you’ve been far more patient and considerate about the person stealing your shop’s parking space than reasonable. you made sure a reasonable car owner would be aware that those spots were reserved. if the driver failed to heed reasonable signage and notes, they’re probably the type who would have blown you off if you’d spoken to them. </s>
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AITA for telling my ex he doesn't get a say in who our son spends time with?
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my ex and i broke up right before i found out i was pregnant. i have our son (18months) full time and my ex comes to town three or four days a month to see him.
i have been dating a wonderful man for almost a year now. i did it the right way- we started slow, he didn't meet my son until we had been dating for six months etc. now they are close buddies. i told my ex i was seeing someone when we started getting serious. they have met (briefly) three times now. my ex seemed completely uninterested. whatever. i tried.
when my ex came this morning to pick up our son, he was in the backyard playing with my bf. my ex flips over this. why is he playing with him?? you shouldn't leave them alone together! like ...what? they're literally just chasing around a soccer ball in the backyard. so we start fighting because again. what???
he keeps saying they shouldn't be alone together and starts drilling me on our relationship so i finally snapped and told him he doesn't get a say and i'm not going to stop him from hanging out with my bf just because he's jealous. i feel like i may have gone too far but it was the heat of the moment
note- if he had real concerns i would take them into consideration but his argument was basically just "i don't even know anything about him". like then ask dude! its not like i was hiding him!
tldr- ex freaked out after seeing my boyfriend play with our son and i basically told him it's none of his business
| 1,112 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ef4349/aita_for_telling_my_ex_he_doesnt_get_a_say_in_who/
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2019-12-24 17:11:24
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nta, however i do think it's his business who his son is around. even though y'all are separated it seems like he's still an active part of his life and should get some say. i'm sure you wouldn't want him to bring your son around prime you felt uncomfortable with. but in this case, you did it right and introduced him to your son after dating for a while.
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nta - ex *definitely* is. that is all.
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nta - he’s clearly overprotective and jealous. he should respect your judgement as a mother and someone he once knew pretty well and trust that you know what’s best for your child. he’s lucky he still even gets to see the kid.
i hope things work out with you and your boyfriend, sounds like you finally found someone healthy for you & your son :)
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nta. if he had a valid concern about your bf being a child beater or something, that would be one thing, but this is just dumb.
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nta have a sit down with you, your bf, and your ex so your ex can ask the questions he wants answered. yeah your ex will probably be a jerk face but it is his kid too and he does have the right to know about the people his child is spending time with.
if after this he’s still being irrational, then blow him off.
you’re not the asshole but your ex should have a say, within reason of course.
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i mean, it is his business. it’s his son. if he had custody of your child, and exposed him to someone *you* disapproved of, i’m confident you would have a similar reaction.
info - custody agreements and things of that nature should have already been outlined. is he even the legal father? it sounds like nothing was ever talked about, and no planning went into this.
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nta. as long as your son is treated well by your boyfriend, then your ex has no say in who you date and if they're around your son. maybe your ex doesn't have a full picture of what co-parenting means, and the 26-27 days you have your son with you every month means, that the people you date and hang out with, will spend time with your son.
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nah but only if your ex is genuinely concerned about his son's safety. we are only getting your side, so we can't tell if your ex is picking up on signals that you're not. if he can't give you a real reason, then he is ta. but you need to be able to discuss things without fighting. stay calm and continue asking for clarification. if that doesn't work, suggest that they start hanging out together and become friends lol.
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this isn’t a good path to successful coparenting.
nah
put the shoe on the other foot. when your ex starts dating someone else, how do you think you’ll feel about your son being around that person?
you are both parents and both have a “right” to know who the kiddo is spending time with. you don’t, except for safety concerns or co’d constraints, get to dictate.
so apologize for your statement. tell your ex “listen, we are both new to this and i want to make sure that we offer son happy homes and we don’t have unnecessary conflict. i would be happy to set up a time for you and my bf to sit down the three of us adults and meet formally, talk, etc. i want you to be comfortable and again—this is new territory for us all.”
a lot of women seem to think they “own” the kid and get all the say in all the things but that’s just not a good way to go.
as a sm, i’ve been in this mix and it works best when the parents can communicate well and keep the best interest of the child at the forefront while also understanding and having empathy for how it feels to the other parent.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
| null | 0.016912 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my ex and i broke up right before i found out i was pregnant. i have our son (18months) full time and my ex comes to town three or four days a month to see him. i have been dating a wonderful man for almost a year now. i did it the right way- we started slow, he didn't meet my son until we had been dating for six months etc. now they are close buddies. i told my ex i was seeing someone when we started getting serious. they have met (briefly) three times now. my ex seemed completely uninterested. whatever. i tried. when my ex came this morning to pick up our son, he was in the backyard playing with my bf. my ex flips over this. why is he playing with him?? you shouldn't leave them alone together! like ...what? they're literally just chasing around a soccer ball in the backyard. so we start fighting because again. what??? he keeps saying they shouldn't be alone together and starts drilling me on our relationship so i finally snapped and told him he doesn't get a say and i'm not going to stop him from hanging out with my bf just because he's jealous. i feel like i may have gone too far but it was the heat of the moment note- if he had real concerns i would take them into consideration but his argument was basically just "i don't even know anything about him". like then ask dude! its not like i was hiding him! tldr- ex freaked out after seeing my boyfriend play with our son and i basically told him it's none of his business
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my ex and i broke up right before i found out i was pregnant. i have our son (18months) full time and my ex comes to town three or four days a month to see him. i have been dating a wonderful man for almost a year now. i did it the right way- we started slow, he didn't meet my son until we had been dating for six months etc. now they are close buddies. i told my ex i was seeing someone when we started getting serious. they have met (briefly) three times now. my ex seemed completely uninterested. whatever. i tried. when my ex came this morning to pick up our son, he was in the backyard playing with my bf. my ex flips over this. why is he playing with him?? you shouldn't leave them alone together! like ...what? they're literally just chasing around a soccer ball in the backyard. so we start fighting because again. what??? he keeps saying they shouldn't be alone together and starts drilling me on our relationship so i finally snapped and told him he doesn't get a say and i'm not going to stop him from hanging out with my bf just because he's jealous. i feel like i may have gone too far but it was the heat of the moment note- if he had real concerns i would take them into consideration but his argument was basically just "i don't even know anything about him". like then ask dude! its not like i was hiding him! tldr- ex freaked out after seeing my boyfriend play with our son and i basically told him it's none of his business [/INST] nta, however i do think it's his business who his son is around. even though y'all are separated it seems like he's still an active part of his life and should get some say. i'm sure you wouldn't want him to bring your son around prime you felt uncomfortable with. but in this case, you did it right and introduced him to your son after dating for a while. </s>
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Aita for not letting my boyfriend come to family Christmas because my kids do not want him there?
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christmas with my family is celebrated tonight. my mom and dad always host my kids (19 m, 17 m, 13 f) and i, my sister and her family, and my uncle.
backstory: my ex and i separated 3 years ago, he now lives on the other side of the u.s. back in the town he grew up in. the kids are still close with him and his family. the divorce was pretty relaxed and there was not a lot of drama. around this time last year, i met p, we began dating shortly after. this is my first relationship/sexual activity since the divorce. my kids have not been liking p very much. i don’t bring him around the family much because of this. p has not done anything wrong, my kids are frankly unhappy with me dating. they claim their dad has not been dating.
my ex’s mom just died, and my kids are devastated. they want to go spend christmas with their dad, but he doesn’t want them flying in pandemic and potentially risking his dads health. the kids are already dreading christmas because of their grandmas passing. i do not want to hurt them even more by letting p come.
p is not happy. he’s been very patient with my kids dislike for him, but he’s starting to get to the point where he thinks they need to get over the fact that i’m dating again. and accept him as my partner. to top it all off, p doesn’t really have anywhere to go for christmas. he says he’s going to make himself a steak, zoom call his mom who lives out of country, and go to bed.
aita for not letting him come?
| 163 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kjlxdn/aita_for_not_letting_my_boyfriend_come_to_family/
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2020-12-24 20:10:42
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nta i think because your kids have just lost their grandmother and are understandably upset and this could just cause you unnecessary drama. however i do think you ah e to draw a line somewhere and start to be clear with your kids that this guy isn’t going anywhere. how long have you been a couple? why don’t you talk to him and agree a plan of how your are gradually going to include him more because you would be ta if you exclude him next year too!
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the kids need to understand that you’re not about to be alone the rest of your life, so **they need to accept that you’re dating**. they’re old enough to understand so just explain your feelings to them patiently and thoroughly.
however, being that their grandma just died *and* you two haven’t been dating long, i think p should understand too that **he needs to stay home** just this one christmas. new years is right around the corner to have a fun-holiday-family night if need be.
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[deleted]
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yta. did you ever get these children into therapy to deal with the divorce? their family was ripped apart.
also, you’ve been dating this man for less than a year and want to involve him in family holidays? when the children aren’t able to see their dad and their grandma just died? you may not be grieving your failed marriage, but they are grieving their loss of a singular family unit and grandma.
your two sons are adults, they will likely never have a father/son like relationship with any man you date, especially not one that you’ve only been seeing for 10 months. you can’t force them to have a relationship with your boyfriends and trying to force one will push them away. if they do build a relationship with a future partner it will likely take years to develop. your daughter is just young enough that she may be able to develops a closer relationship with a long term partner of yours, but she needs therapy asap as she’s clearly not handling these changes well and acting out as you would expect of any young teenager dealing with emotional hardship.
it also sounds like your boyfriend has some anger issues if he’s screaming at your children for making a mistake. yta for not setting immediate boundaries with your boyfriend over this. based off of some of your other comments it also sounds like he’s the type of man who demands respect while not necessarily having to give it back, and i’d bet that his attitude is part of the reason why your children don’t care for him.
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tentative nta. they’re your kids and should come first in your life. do you know why your kids don’t like him?
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nah. it's understandable that he's a little upset, but you are absolutely doing the right thing by prioritizing your children over a relatively new man in your life.
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NAH
| null | null | null | null | 0.320187 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: christmas with my family is celebrated tonight. my mom and dad always host my kids (19 m, 17 m, 13 f) and i, my sister and her family, and my uncle. backstory: my ex and i separated 3 years ago, he now lives on the other side of the u.s. back in the town he grew up in. the kids are still close with him and his family. the divorce was pretty relaxed and there was not a lot of drama. around this time last year, i met p, we began dating shortly after. this is my first relationship/sexual activity since the divorce. my kids have not been liking p very much. i don’t bring him around the family much because of this. p has not done anything wrong, my kids are frankly unhappy with me dating. they claim their dad has not been dating. my ex’s mom just died, and my kids are devastated. they want to go spend christmas with their dad, but he doesn’t want them flying in pandemic and potentially risking his dads health. the kids are already dreading christmas because of their grandmas passing. i do not want to hurt them even more by letting p come. p is not happy. he’s been very patient with my kids dislike for him, but he’s starting to get to the point where he thinks they need to get over the fact that i’m dating again. and accept him as my partner. to top it all off, p doesn’t really have anywhere to go for christmas. he says he’s going to make himself a steak, zoom call his mom who lives out of country, and go to bed. aita for not letting him come?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
christmas with my family is celebrated tonight. my mom and dad always host my kids (19 m, 17 m, 13 f) and i, my sister and her family, and my uncle. backstory: my ex and i separated 3 years ago, he now lives on the other side of the u.s. back in the town he grew up in. the kids are still close with him and his family. the divorce was pretty relaxed and there was not a lot of drama. around this time last year, i met p, we began dating shortly after. this is my first relationship/sexual activity since the divorce. my kids have not been liking p very much. i don’t bring him around the family much because of this. p has not done anything wrong, my kids are frankly unhappy with me dating. they claim their dad has not been dating. my ex’s mom just died, and my kids are devastated. they want to go spend christmas with their dad, but he doesn’t want them flying in pandemic and potentially risking his dads health. the kids are already dreading christmas because of their grandmas passing. i do not want to hurt them even more by letting p come. p is not happy. he’s been very patient with my kids dislike for him, but he’s starting to get to the point where he thinks they need to get over the fact that i’m dating again. and accept him as my partner. to top it all off, p doesn’t really have anywhere to go for christmas. he says he’s going to make himself a steak, zoom call his mom who lives out of country, and go to bed. aita for not letting him come? [/INST] nta i think because your kids have just lost their grandmother and are understandably upset and this could just cause you unnecessary drama. however i do think you ah e to draw a line somewhere and start to be clear with your kids that this guy isn’t going anywhere. how long have you been a couple? why don’t you talk to him and agree a plan of how your are gradually going to include him more because you would be ta if you exclude him next year too! </s>
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Aita for only going to black salons
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hi there, this is my first post and this is a throw away. i am a 30 year old white woman with thick curly brown hair (3c if you know what that means). i have always struggled with my hair and was adopted into a family of people with straight hair who couldnt care for my hair properly leading to huge knots and regularly get my hair massacred by scissors to make it short to be easier to deal with.
when i went to uni i met my best friend who is black and has a similar hair type to me and when noticing my struggle helped me out. she showed me hair products from brands intended for black people that really helped with my hair quality and even took me to the salon she went to that catered for black hair types. my hair has been amazing ever since, theyve been the only people to understand how to care for my hair and make it look nice.
well onto the actual argument, me and some friends from work went out for dinner and we were talking about our hair and i commented that i go to a salon that specialises in black haircare. one of the women ( also white) commented that it was inappropriate for me as a white woman to take advantage of black products and services that should only be used by black people. when i asked why she said that its kind of cultural appropriation. the others there agreed with her and i felt uncomfortable ever since. i dont know if she is right and if i am in the wrong, i dont even know what id do if it was wrong as i dont want to go back to the salons that butchered my hair before.
| 31,123 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/okvcuj/aita_for_only_going_to_black_salons/
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2021-07-15 15:38:20
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nta, black woman here with 4c hair. you use the products and resources that best suit your needs. it wouldn't be a black vs white issue if the beauty industry recognized the need and taught students how to do all types of hair.
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nta and as a black dude, i really wish white people would stop speaking for us in this manner. it's not helping in the way they think it is
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i wonder who would be a better arbiter of whether this was cultural appropriation; the black women who style your hair, or your goofy white friends? nta.
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>black products and services that should only be used by black people
your friend is trying so hard to be woke that she is actually racist! shouldn't she be happy you are supporting a black-owned business and black products? nta
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nta, people take the "cultural appropriation" thing way too far, and this is a good example. my wife is black and my kids are mixed race. i can't tell you how many times my son's hair has been butchered by someone who didn't know how to work with tight curly hair. it's about your hair, not "race". you're supporting black-owned businesses too.
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nta. your coworkers do not understand what it takes to take care of curly hair, nor do they understand cultural appropriation. cultural appropriation is rachel dolezal pretending to be black for years and running her local naacp. cultural appropriation is fashion designers who are not indigenous/native peoples using indigenous or native designs in their fashions without knowing or acknowledging the significance of those designs. black hair products were formulated originated for black hair care because for a long time there were no products that worked well with our hair. the bonus is it works great for all curly-heads. so continue going to the salon, continue being beautiful, rock your glorious curls, and thank you for supporting black businesses.
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nta - this is the reason why people laugh at woke people.
seriously, "cultural appropriation" for going to a black salon and using black hair products that works for your hair.
here's the thing, i can practically guarantee you that your hair stylist and the owners of the production don't care that you're white, they care that you're a paying customer.
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nta! many non-black hair salons won't even know what you mean when you say, 3c and start talking about porosity.
supporting black-owned business is the opposite of what you're friends are accusing you of. they are idiots!
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nta. perhaps i’m a little biased, but licensed stylists do not need to know how to properly care for and maintain black hair, aka kinky curly hair, in order to receive their license. so going to the stylists that do already know how to work with your hair type is the logical solution. it just so happens that the predominant demographic of people with hair like yours are black. don’t listen to their performative allyship, black stylists know why you go to them.
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nta - that sounds like a bizarre argument to make, particularly from a white person. what you're describing is not cultural appropriation. cultural appropriation is *mis*use of a culture's custom(s) for reasons like entertainment, mockery, etc. you are literally using the products and services as intended. to suggest that you are racist here is actually racist, it assumes that black people need protection from white saviors to enforce some sort of defensive barrier for their products and services.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi there, this is my first post and this is a throw away. i am a 30 year old white woman with thick curly brown hair (3c if you know what that means). i have always struggled with my hair and was adopted into a family of people with straight hair who couldnt care for my hair properly leading to huge knots and regularly get my hair massacred by scissors to make it short to be easier to deal with. when i went to uni i met my best friend who is black and has a similar hair type to me and when noticing my struggle helped me out. she showed me hair products from brands intended for black people that really helped with my hair quality and even took me to the salon she went to that catered for black hair types. my hair has been amazing ever since, theyve been the only people to understand how to care for my hair and make it look nice. well onto the actual argument, me and some friends from work went out for dinner and we were talking about our hair and i commented that i go to a salon that specialises in black haircare. one of the women ( also white) commented that it was inappropriate for me as a white woman to take advantage of black products and services that should only be used by black people. when i asked why she said that its kind of cultural appropriation. the others there agreed with her and i felt uncomfortable ever since. i dont know if she is right and if i am in the wrong, i dont even know what id do if it was wrong as i dont want to go back to the salons that butchered my hair before.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi there, this is my first post and this is a throw away. i am a 30 year old white woman with thick curly brown hair (3c if you know what that means). i have always struggled with my hair and was adopted into a family of people with straight hair who couldnt care for my hair properly leading to huge knots and regularly get my hair massacred by scissors to make it short to be easier to deal with. when i went to uni i met my best friend who is black and has a similar hair type to me and when noticing my struggle helped me out. she showed me hair products from brands intended for black people that really helped with my hair quality and even took me to the salon she went to that catered for black hair types. my hair has been amazing ever since, theyve been the only people to understand how to care for my hair and make it look nice. well onto the actual argument, me and some friends from work went out for dinner and we were talking about our hair and i commented that i go to a salon that specialises in black haircare. one of the women ( also white) commented that it was inappropriate for me as a white woman to take advantage of black products and services that should only be used by black people. when i asked why she said that its kind of cultural appropriation. the others there agreed with her and i felt uncomfortable ever since. i dont know if she is right and if i am in the wrong, i dont even know what id do if it was wrong as i dont want to go back to the salons that butchered my hair before. [/INST] nta, black woman here with 4c hair. you use the products and resources that best suit your needs. it wouldn't be a black vs white issue if the beauty industry recognized the need and taught students how to do all types of hair. </s>
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AITA for telling my fiancé I can’t be in the life of his kid that just showed up?
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the title’s a bit misleading, bear with me here. obligatory i’m on my phone i’m typing this thru a recently created throwaway, during my break lol. here goes.
when my fiancé and i met i was a fence sitter but i could picture myself having children in a couple of years when i make 4-5 times of what i do now. i’m one of those people that doesn’t want more than a single child, and only if i’m able to get pregnant. when i was younger they thought i might have fertility issues luckily i don’t. i dislike kids in general but i know i’ll love mine i also like hanging out with my niece when i’m not too busy.
a couple days ago my so found out he might be a parent, as an old hookup of his contacted him. she has a kid with her who’s eight. i obviously wasn’t happy with this as my pictured family with this super amazing man is our kid, me and him. i knew his feelings were the mvp so i didn’t let him onto how i felt. he likes children but isn’t baby crazy at all. as far as i know, we only want to tackle parenting with each other.
it’s been a week and a half now he has spoken to the kid once on the phone. they live away and we cannot visit(we’re both essential workers)
i never brought the ex up, never said anything about them. i wanted him to be fully responsible for his decision- whether or not to stay in the child’s life. i kinda threw myself into work last week with 24hour shifts, but finally built the courage to face him and act more normal than im fine love you bye. it was a bit immature but i have a very stressful job and this situation’s making my cry as i type.
so in bed last night he was talking about how he’s conflicted and stuff. i was humming in response to be diplomatic. he asked me how i was doing since it’s been a while since we had a heart to heart. i said i didn’t want to influence his decision regarding the 8yo but he pushed and i said i’d support him until he makes a choice then i’ll make mine. he went silent for a while then said something like ‘it’s you or the boy isn’t it?’ i didn’t reply which basically confirmed his suspicions.
my friends are all on my side and think he’s a dick for adding more stress to me especially because it’s the reason why we lost a child last year. ( irrelevant but the logical side of me didn’t let me grieve for long because i work too much to have the luxury to, i didn’t know i was pregnant, and because i knew i couldn’t financially support a child)
i think he picked me. like five mins ago the ex left me a bunch of mean messages on my ig, i didn’t go through them because i don’t need her negativity + i get under twenty minutes of time on my phone and they all go to chatting with my fiancé or our families.
| 265 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hox2wm/aita_for_telling_my_fiancé_i_cant_be_in_the_life/
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2020-07-10 20:59:16
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nta
that child is innocent but you tried to stay out of it.
he pushed for your opinion and you have the right to feel the way you feel.
that woman waited 8 years to bring her child into contact with the supposed father.
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#nta
no one should ever be forced into parenthood if they don’t want it or aren’t ready. absolutely not.
it would be worse for both you and the kid.
this decision is up to your partner, and him alone.
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paternity test. if it's his son, he should be at least financially supportive. if it's not, no issues. if he doesn't get a test, he'll always going to wonder and it'll affect your relationship.
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i’m probably gonna be in the minority but nah. you’ve known for a long time you aren’t sure you want kids but you definitely only want one. while it’s a really hard situation to be in because your fiancée seems to have been really struggling with not losing you vs potentially having a child. i probably would have a really hard time staying with someone who had a child with someone else i wasn’t aware of. my boyfriend when we first started dating had someone claim they were having his (they didn’t) but i had to come to the decision that i’m 20 and not dating anyone with children. you stated you aren’t a fan of kids unless they’re connected to you which is also, totally understandable. try to look at it from your fiancées pov. he had no idea about this kid either, but if there’s a possibility that it’s his son, isn’t it worth getting him tested and not making decisions until then? if you stay and the kid goes, he may grow to resent you. if you stay and the kid stays, you could resent the child. i think you need to take a look at your priorities and what you can handle right now. you aren’t ta for not wanting the child, but you wbta if you prevent his father from having a relationship with him just because you want your own.
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nah
it's a shit situation.
he didn't ask to be a dad, but it's normal he might want to be in the boy's life.
it's totally valid you don't want this child in your life, and hewould be.
but here's a word of warning: even if he "picked you", this might not go away.
my mom was once in a similar situation (finding out my dad had a child she did not know about). even if he "picks you", this might not go away. the boy might still try to contact him, when older. when he turns into an adult. he might still try to be in the life of any child you two might have. when he has kids (and your fiancé becomes a grandfather now) the grandkids might try contact.. this child will not magically disappear.
i am telling you this, because this is the story of my halfsister and me.
if these are your true feelings, you're better off leaving.
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nta. you tried very hard not to pressure him but it's understandable if difficult that you don't want to be in a situation with another child. you didn't go into the relationship knowing about the child, since he didn't, and from what you've said that would have been a dealbreaker from the start. it's not great to have a kid and not be involved, yeah, but i don't think you've done anything wrong by having a preference and being honest when pressed.
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info
are we sure this is even an issue? at the top of the post you said "might be a father" so is this something that has been confirmed?
but this is absolutely something you guys need to have more in depth discussions about before you get married. seriously, i urge you not to let this just get swept under the rug because it makes you both uncomfortable.
assuming your fiance is a father ... as someone else said it's a really shit situation. if he's going to be active and involved in this kid's life, then as painful as it will be it's absolutely better for you to leave now rather than put yourself in the situation of being an unwilling parent.
and if your fiance does "choose you," then i feel really bad for the kid who might lose the chance to have his dad in his life. but that's a decision that only your fiance can make, and it's not on you to decide what he wants.
but what if your fiance decides not to have a relationship with this kid, you get married, and then he grows to resent you for it?
i really hope you guys can sit down and talk through all the possibilities.
does your fiance want to be a dad?
in an ideal world, what kind of relationship does your fiance envision having with this kid? you said they live away from you, so.... is your fiance thinking he wants joint custody? to have the kid come visit over summer breaks? to get to know the kid and be a presence in his life but more as a fun uncle type of situation?
are there any of those scenarios that you might be okay with? would you be okay with having this kid in your lives if you didn't have to be the "stepmom" and it was more like your relationship with your niece?
there are so many factors in play here, and i think it is a bit of a mistake to just say "you make your decision and then i will make mine." this is something big, that you two need to actually talk about together.
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tbh i kind of think your fiance is the asshole for talking this boy before actually coming to a conclusion on what he wanted. makes the rejection a 100 times harder
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nah. you get to decide what kind of family you want and were honest with him about it. seems like the mature approach to me. he has the ability to make his own decisions too.
that said, his ex could go to court for child support and that would be perfectly legal on her part.
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nta.
you tried to stay out of it even though the decision he would make would greatly impact your life. he pushed you for your opinion. and you are entitled to your opinion.
it was your fiance's decision to make. you didn't force his hand.
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NAH
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NTA
| 0.033983 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: the title’s a bit misleading, bear with me here. obligatory i’m on my phone i’m typing this thru a recently created throwaway, during my break lol. here goes. when my fiancé and i met i was a fence sitter but i could picture myself having children in a couple of years when i make 4-5 times of what i do now. i’m one of those people that doesn’t want more than a single child, and only if i’m able to get pregnant. when i was younger they thought i might have fertility issues luckily i don’t. i dislike kids in general but i know i’ll love mine i also like hanging out with my niece when i’m not too busy. a couple days ago my so found out he might be a parent, as an old hookup of his contacted him. she has a kid with her who’s eight. i obviously wasn’t happy with this as my pictured family with this super amazing man is our kid, me and him. i knew his feelings were the mvp so i didn’t let him onto how i felt. he likes children but isn’t baby crazy at all. as far as i know, we only want to tackle parenting with each other. it’s been a week and a half now he has spoken to the kid once on the phone. they live away and we cannot visit(we’re both essential workers) i never brought the ex up, never said anything about them. i wanted him to be fully responsible for his decision- whether or not to stay in the child’s life. i kinda threw myself into work last week with 24hour shifts, but finally built the courage to face him and act more normal than im fine love you bye. it was a bit immature but i have a very stressful job and this situation’s making my cry as i type. so in bed last night he was talking about how he’s conflicted and stuff. i was humming in response to be diplomatic. he asked me how i was doing since it’s been a while since we had a heart to heart. i said i didn’t want to influence his decision regarding the 8yo but he pushed and i said i’d support him until he makes a choice then i’ll make mine. he went silent for a while then said something like ‘it’s you or the boy isn’t it?’ i didn’t reply which basically confirmed his suspicions. my friends are all on my side and think he’s a dick for adding more stress to me especially because it’s the reason why we lost a child last year. ( irrelevant but the logical side of me didn’t let me grieve for long because i work too much to have the luxury to, i didn’t know i was pregnant, and because i knew i couldn’t financially support a child) i think he picked me. like five mins ago the ex left me a bunch of mean messages on my ig, i didn’t go through them because i don’t need her negativity + i get under twenty minutes of time on my phone and they all go to chatting with my fiancé or our families.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
the title’s a bit misleading, bear with me here. obligatory i’m on my phone i’m typing this thru a recently created throwaway, during my break lol. here goes. when my fiancé and i met i was a fence sitter but i could picture myself having children in a couple of years when i make 4-5 times of what i do now. i’m one of those people that doesn’t want more than a single child, and only if i’m able to get pregnant. when i was younger they thought i might have fertility issues luckily i don’t. i dislike kids in general but i know i’ll love mine i also like hanging out with my niece when i’m not too busy. a couple days ago my so found out he might be a parent, as an old hookup of his contacted him. she has a kid with her who’s eight. i obviously wasn’t happy with this as my pictured family with this super amazing man is our kid, me and him. i knew his feelings were the mvp so i didn’t let him onto how i felt. he likes children but isn’t baby crazy at all. as far as i know, we only want to tackle parenting with each other. it’s been a week and a half now he has spoken to the kid once on the phone. they live away and we cannot visit(we’re both essential workers) i never brought the ex up, never said anything about them. i wanted him to be fully responsible for his decision- whether or not to stay in the child’s life. i kinda threw myself into work last week with 24hour shifts, but finally built the courage to face him and act more normal than im fine love you bye. it was a bit immature but i have a very stressful job and this situation’s making my cry as i type. so in bed last night he was talking about how he’s conflicted and stuff. i was humming in response to be diplomatic. he asked me how i was doing since it’s been a while since we had a heart to heart. i said i didn’t want to influence his decision regarding the 8yo but he pushed and i said i’d support him until he makes a choice then i’ll make mine. he went silent for a while then said something like ‘it’s you or the boy isn’t it?’ i didn’t reply which basically confirmed his suspicions. my friends are all on my side and think he’s a dick for adding more stress to me especially because it’s the reason why we lost a child last year. ( irrelevant but the logical side of me didn’t let me grieve for long because i work too much to have the luxury to, i didn’t know i was pregnant, and because i knew i couldn’t financially support a child) i think he picked me. like five mins ago the ex left me a bunch of mean messages on my ig, i didn’t go through them because i don’t need her negativity + i get under twenty minutes of time on my phone and they all go to chatting with my fiancé or our families. [/INST] nta that child is innocent but you tried to stay out of it. he pushed for your opinion and you have the right to feel the way you feel. that woman waited 8 years to bring her child into contact with the supposed father. </s>
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AITA for not accommodating my MILs need to see new grandchild?
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my husband and i are about to have a baby - we currently live 5mins from his parents, and we see them once every 2-3 weeks.
my parents live 45mins away and prior to pregnancy we would see them at least once a week, during my pregnancy this increased which was wonderful :)
when baby arrives, the first two months will be at our house and then my husband and i agreed to live 2 months at my parents house so they get a chance to spend time with the baby - without all of us having to drive up and down. i’m so so happy about it since i’m very close with my family.
mil is not happy about it and says we will be taking the baby away from her. the rationale is that my parents have made the effort for three years to drive back and forth to see us and all through my pregnancy, so it’s only fair they get some quality time with the baby - plus they are able to provide my husband and i with more support for baby as they are far more mobile and independent, especially since my husband wasn’t able to take paternity leave.
we said mil and fil are welcome to my parents house anytime - even if they want to stay over, plenty of rooms/bathrooms in the house. but they won’t do this as it’s too far to drive - ironic since fil sometimes drives upwards of 100km and back in a day (delivery driver).
i’m really done trying to accommodate them - plus it’s only two months and then we’ll be back to living 5 mins from mil.
so aita for not accommodating mils needs in this instance?
| 486 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/syyk6w/aita_for_not_accommodating_my_mils_need_to_see/
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2022-02-22 21:15:15
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nta. as you said, they are free to visit, and it’s only temporary.
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info: so far you've only told use about your mils wants. what actual need is there?
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nta - it's not their child its yours. you determine the rules and boundaries on when and who get to see the baby. things should be convenient for you, your husband, and the baby if others want to be a part they will just have to work around that. the language of your mil saying that you are taking the baby away from her implies some entitlement to the child when she doesn't have any. i think you might need to set some boundaries about this early on. it might be worse than it appears, hopefully not though.
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nta. you've tried to compromise. it's not like you're saying they can't see the baby. they've just been spoiled with having you so close.
when a baby is that small, it sleeps most of the time anyway. there's not really many memories they'll be able to make together until the child is older, which will then give them a huge advantage since they will be much closer.
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ok, living with your parents for 2 months made me cringe a little. believe me, the first couple months post-partum is a challenge. but actually moving out of your house for two months just so your parents can see the baby seems like a huge ask on their part. and after the first couple months, you, your baby and your husband will be getting into the rhythm of things. i can't imagine just moving out of your house for 2 months. nah, i think, it's not what i would do but your mil can drive or wait, you're not stopping her from visiting and she's not really being an ah.
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nta. you offered to make arrangements to have them closer and they are refusing. you didn’t have to make anything more convenient for them.
them throwing a tantrum makes them the ahs.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0.023868 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i are about to have a baby - we currently live 5mins from his parents, and we see them once every 2-3 weeks. my parents live 45mins away and prior to pregnancy we would see them at least once a week, during my pregnancy this increased which was wonderful :) when baby arrives, the first two months will be at our house and then my husband and i agreed to live 2 months at my parents house so they get a chance to spend time with the baby - without all of us having to drive up and down. i’m so so happy about it since i’m very close with my family. mil is not happy about it and says we will be taking the baby away from her. the rationale is that my parents have made the effort for three years to drive back and forth to see us and all through my pregnancy, so it’s only fair they get some quality time with the baby - plus they are able to provide my husband and i with more support for baby as they are far more mobile and independent, especially since my husband wasn’t able to take paternity leave. we said mil and fil are welcome to my parents house anytime - even if they want to stay over, plenty of rooms/bathrooms in the house. but they won’t do this as it’s too far to drive - ironic since fil sometimes drives upwards of 100km and back in a day (delivery driver). i’m really done trying to accommodate them - plus it’s only two months and then we’ll be back to living 5 mins from mil. so aita for not accommodating mils needs in this instance?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i are about to have a baby - we currently live 5mins from his parents, and we see them once every 2-3 weeks. my parents live 45mins away and prior to pregnancy we would see them at least once a week, during my pregnancy this increased which was wonderful :) when baby arrives, the first two months will be at our house and then my husband and i agreed to live 2 months at my parents house so they get a chance to spend time with the baby - without all of us having to drive up and down. i’m so so happy about it since i’m very close with my family. mil is not happy about it and says we will be taking the baby away from her. the rationale is that my parents have made the effort for three years to drive back and forth to see us and all through my pregnancy, so it’s only fair they get some quality time with the baby - plus they are able to provide my husband and i with more support for baby as they are far more mobile and independent, especially since my husband wasn’t able to take paternity leave. we said mil and fil are welcome to my parents house anytime - even if they want to stay over, plenty of rooms/bathrooms in the house. but they won’t do this as it’s too far to drive - ironic since fil sometimes drives upwards of 100km and back in a day (delivery driver). i’m really done trying to accommodate them - plus it’s only two months and then we’ll be back to living 5 mins from mil. so aita for not accommodating mils needs in this instance? [/INST] nta. as you said, they are free to visit, and it’s only temporary. </s>
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AITA For wanting to get rid of my wife's great grandparents bed?
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my issue specifically is with the mattress. it grosses me out that we have a mattress from 1906 that has had 3-4 generations of people sleeping in it. at least two of those generations were married couples.
the mattress weighs literally 200lbs, we're about to move into a new house and i don't want to move that matress anywhere except the dump.
she's attached to it because it's comfortable, and she grew up sleeping on it.
she just wants to use it for a kid's bed or a guest bed. and i just don't want to have anyone sleep on it.
i'm good with keeping the frame and headboard and everything. it's a piece of family history which i value highly. just not the mattress.
| 942 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ba4vf9/aita_for_wanting_to_get_rid_of_my_wifes_great/
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2019-04-06 14:33:05
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nta
a mattress that old is super gross. i would not want to sleep on it, and would not want to subject anyone else to it either. especially not kids or the elderly, as i could see something like that potentially causing or worsening asthma or breathing problems.
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nta i legit felt nauseous reading this. the dead skin and dust mites alone probably make up at least a quarter of that weight. so gross.
new mattress needed.
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nta. you’re meant to replace your mattress every 8 to 10 years, not every 80 to 100. ick.
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nta.
get a uv light, turn off the lights and let her see the amount of bodily fluids and god knows what else is in that bed.
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nta.
it weighs 200 pounds because it's full of ghosts.
can you donate it to a museum?
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nta. that thing is a biohazard at this point
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nta omg that is so unhygienic.
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nta. what on earth is a mattress from 1906 even made of?!
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nah.
your wife, however, needs to understand that along side her generations of humans.... have been generations of millions possibly billions of dust mites. and that if we are what we eat then these dust mites are also family because they’ve been feasting on her family for 100 years.
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if it went though the depression and you're throwing it away make sur it isn't stuffed with money...
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| null | 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my issue specifically is with the mattress. it grosses me out that we have a mattress from 1906 that has had 3-4 generations of people sleeping in it. at least two of those generations were married couples. the mattress weighs literally 200lbs, we're about to move into a new house and i don't want to move that matress anywhere except the dump. she's attached to it because it's comfortable, and she grew up sleeping on it. she just wants to use it for a kid's bed or a guest bed. and i just don't want to have anyone sleep on it. i'm good with keeping the frame and headboard and everything. it's a piece of family history which i value highly. just not the mattress.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my issue specifically is with the mattress. it grosses me out that we have a mattress from 1906 that has had 3-4 generations of people sleeping in it. at least two of those generations were married couples. the mattress weighs literally 200lbs, we're about to move into a new house and i don't want to move that matress anywhere except the dump. she's attached to it because it's comfortable, and she grew up sleeping on it. she just wants to use it for a kid's bed or a guest bed. and i just don't want to have anyone sleep on it. i'm good with keeping the frame and headboard and everything. it's a piece of family history which i value highly. just not the mattress. [/INST] nta a mattress that old is super gross. i would not want to sleep on it, and would not want to subject anyone else to it either. especially not kids or the elderly, as i could see something like that potentially causing or worsening asthma or breathing problems. </s>
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AITA for telling my girlfriend she's selfish for crying to me after my brother's funeral
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my (20m) girlfriend (22f) always complains and literally cries sometimes about her job which hasn't been a problem until recently. my brother who i was extremely close to passed away unexpectedly about 2 weeks ago. i've barely been holding it together and have been a complete mess.
so about a week ago he had his funeral and my girlfriend can't make it because her boss won't let her take the day off of work which is totally fine and i understand. she meets up with me after work like an hour after the funeral, and starts crying almost immediately. she starts venting to me about how much she hates her boss and her schedule and how bad of a day she had at work. meanwhile my whole world feels like its completely falling apart and a peice of my heart was ripped out of my chest.
after she's done rambling about work i asked her "why does everything have to be about you? i permanently lost one of the closest people in my life and you're so selfish that you can't even spare me one day of your trivial problems". she stops crying gets mad and drives home and texts me "you're an asshole"
so reddit aita for calling my girlfriend selfish for crying after my brother's funeral?
| 7,731 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xzh1zr/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_shes_selfish_for/
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2022-10-09 09:10:11
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nta
the way you say she stopped crying makes me picture it like a total switch. if she went straight from crying upset about her day to mad at you that's...unnerving
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nta. that her tears weren’t for you or your brother in that particular moment hurt me. i can’t imagine how devastating it was for you.
“she stops crying gets mad and drives home.” she stopped crying. oof. this makes it worse. she got mad? at you? for being annoyed that you wanted her support instead of her drama on the day of your brother’s funeral?
i’m so sorry for your loss.
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nta.
your girlfriend could have show a bit of compassion and understanding here. the fact that she didn’t, and she tried to make the day all about her shitty day to day problems, says a lot about how she’ll behave going forwards. the world does not revolve around her. she’s being very selfish.
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nta, the "stopped crying" part is what really gets me. this is usually an attention seeking tactic, which she is clearly using because she hasn't been feeling as important to you lately (for obvious reasons) and so she just dropped it when it stopped working. all you did was tell the truth. she is extremely selfish.
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nta, i would be done with her over that
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nta. i get it she may have felt guilty about not being there for you, but your girlfriend needs a lesson in how to read the room and complaining about her job was the not the right thing to do. i think you need to figure out if this was just a moment or she is that self absorbed she couldn’t park her own feelings for a day to be there for you and decide if you still want to see her.
most definitely not the arsehole and i’m so so sorry for your loss. please take the time to grieve how you need to - you have the right to do that. if girlfriend cannot be supportive then i think you might need some space right now to focus on yourself.
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nta. dump her. she is selfish and doesnt care about you. she just wants you to baby her and put everything aside for her to be the centre of attention.
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nta sorry for your loss your girlfriend is a "main character". it's time for you to take care of yourself and evaluate if this relationship is healthy.
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the fact that she instantly stopped crying makes me think this is a manipulation on her part. is she trying to get you to take care of her? get the okay from you to quit her job and have you pay her way? it's suspicious to say the least. i'm sorry for your loss. nta
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nta.
everyone has problems but there’s a time and a place..
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (20m) girlfriend (22f) always complains and literally cries sometimes about her job which hasn't been a problem until recently. my brother who i was extremely close to passed away unexpectedly about 2 weeks ago. i've barely been holding it together and have been a complete mess. so about a week ago he had his funeral and my girlfriend can't make it because her boss won't let her take the day off of work which is totally fine and i understand. she meets up with me after work like an hour after the funeral, and starts crying almost immediately. she starts venting to me about how much she hates her boss and her schedule and how bad of a day she had at work. meanwhile my whole world feels like its completely falling apart and a peice of my heart was ripped out of my chest. after she's done rambling about work i asked her "why does everything have to be about you? i permanently lost one of the closest people in my life and you're so selfish that you can't even spare me one day of your trivial problems". she stops crying gets mad and drives home and texts me "you're an asshole" so reddit aita for calling my girlfriend selfish for crying after my brother's funeral?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (20m) girlfriend (22f) always complains and literally cries sometimes about her job which hasn't been a problem until recently. my brother who i was extremely close to passed away unexpectedly about 2 weeks ago. i've barely been holding it together and have been a complete mess. so about a week ago he had his funeral and my girlfriend can't make it because her boss won't let her take the day off of work which is totally fine and i understand. she meets up with me after work like an hour after the funeral, and starts crying almost immediately. she starts venting to me about how much she hates her boss and her schedule and how bad of a day she had at work. meanwhile my whole world feels like its completely falling apart and a peice of my heart was ripped out of my chest. after she's done rambling about work i asked her "why does everything have to be about you? i permanently lost one of the closest people in my life and you're so selfish that you can't even spare me one day of your trivial problems". she stops crying gets mad and drives home and texts me "you're an asshole" so reddit aita for calling my girlfriend selfish for crying after my brother's funeral? [/INST] nta the way you say she stopped crying makes me picture it like a total switch. if she went straight from crying upset about her day to mad at you that's...unnerving </s>
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AITA For telling my older sister the truth even though it caused my sick mother stress?
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i have older siblings, my mom had an affair on her first husband and that’s how my younger brother and i were born. my parents couldn’t afford daycare so my older sisters were pretty much forced into talking care of us.
flash forward some years and my oldest sister (will call her katherine) got a bf and my mom was very jealous and said horrible things about him. then when katherine who was well over the age 18 told my mom that she would be moving in with her bf my mom went ballistic and made it like she was selfish for not staying and taking care of my brother and i. my mom said that pretty much she wasn’t welcome over and didn’t want her seeing us which cut me off from my sister. this devastated me at age 11, because i was very attached to my sister.
to make matters worse my mom ended up getting into my sisters email and read all the emails her and her bf had exchanged to each other and printed them.. she read them with my other older sister (will call her cindy) and even showed them to my grandparents and twisted stories to turn my grandparents against her.
for years my mom and katherine did not talk but my mom called her in 2018 to apologize.
now flash forward to 2022 and kathrine is living her absolute best life. still with her husband, and they’ve done very well for themselves just overall very happy and financially well.
well katherine brought up a rumor she was hearing from someone else in the family about her husband and my other older sister cindy and i immediately knew where it had came from and what she was talking about. see when i was age 13 my mom found condoms in cindy’s closet and because cindy didn’t have a boyfriend or go places much besides my sister’s house to hang out with katherine and her husband she jumped to the conclusion that cindy was having an affair with kathrine’s husband. i didn’t believe this to be true even at age 13, but my mom went and ran this rumor to my dad/others
so i told katherine all of this. i clarified how the rumor started and that mom was who started it years ago. kathrine warned me she would confront our mom which i was fine with and what did my mother do? she denied everything. she says i’m lying, and my father just backed on it.
now my mom was diagnosed with ms this year.. my mother will call katherine and say how she doesn’t know how they’re going to pay the bills, etc. and katherine has helped them numerous times, giving them thousands of dollars.
well, kathrine found out more stuff our mom did in the past and our mom freaked out which caused my dad to send me a nasty text saying that my mother has a serious health issue and that she does not need the stress i am causing her and that i need to stop with the drama and how disappointed he was in me which caused us to fight and when my aunt called my mother to confront her on both katherine’s behave and mine and our mother told my aunt i am crazy/not to believe me.
| 856 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xutpds/aita_for_telling_my_older_sister_the_truth_even/
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2022-10-03 19:58:14
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nta. op, your mom is a bad person. if she didn't want to experience consequences for her horrible abuse of your sister, she shouldn't have committed those acts. consider telling your mom how you really feel about her and distancing yourself from her entirely.
your dad has enabled your mother's behavior all of these years. he's also a bad person.
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nta. it's the truth. also, did your mom only "reconcile" when she was in financial trouble?
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you are nta. when people cause issues & create lies like this it has a tendency to catch back up with them one way or another. although it caught back up with your mother at an unfortunate time, it’s still her fault because she created these lies in the first place. i think you did the right thing by telling your sister the truth because otherwise it could have caused unneeded trouble in her relationship. stay strong.
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i'm gonna say nta but tbh katherine really should probably go no contact with your mother if she's known to cause *that* much drama.
sorry you guys have to deal with all of that.
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nta. your title…you telling the truth caused your sick mom stress? too damn bad…..your mom is a lifelong shitshow. sorry for all of you.
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nta
your mom is a bad person. she happens to have ms. having a serious health disorder does not make her into a good person or make everyone obligated to let her behave so badly. since your mother is hell bent on creating drama within your family, it would be best if you and your siblings went nc or lc. it's not healthy for anyone to participate in her nonsense.
she was a bad person before she got sick and she is still a bad person. nobody should feel obligated to help her out financially. let her figure it out for herself. your father was complicit in enabling your mother's bad behavior. he is not a good guy. you are all abused in some way and the best thing for you to heal is to cut her off. therapy would be a really good idea, and possibly some extra therapy with your siblings so you can support each other.
i am so sorry for the pain and turmoil you must be feeling.
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nta, your moms been causing trouble from before you were even born it seems. why should her stress be so important with all the stress she has caused personally
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nta i had ever right to tell your older sister the truth. your mother's been causing so much trouble like one of the other commenters said before you were born. now karma's come back to bite her in the butt. so looks like catherine is no longer going to be sending money. funny thing is the truth always has a way of coming out and your sister finally knows the truth.
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> i need to stop with the drama
don't let yourself fall for his false framing. telling the truth about what she did is not "causing drama".
> she does not need the stress i am causing her
she caused all that herself- not you.
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your mom is...toxic. she doesn't take motherhood, marriage, or vows seriously. and now that she's sick and going to need a lot of care and money, she's going to use up and discard each of her children. but she won't stop talking badly about any of you while using you, she can't, even if it's for her own good.
as soon as you can, you have to move out of that house. do not get stuck there for years being her caregiver. it will destroy you mentally and physically.
nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have older siblings, my mom had an affair on her first husband and that’s how my younger brother and i were born. my parents couldn’t afford daycare so my older sisters were pretty much forced into talking care of us. flash forward some years and my oldest sister (will call her katherine) got a bf and my mom was very jealous and said horrible things about him. then when katherine who was well over the age 18 told my mom that she would be moving in with her bf my mom went ballistic and made it like she was selfish for not staying and taking care of my brother and i. my mom said that pretty much she wasn’t welcome over and didn’t want her seeing us which cut me off from my sister. this devastated me at age 11, because i was very attached to my sister. to make matters worse my mom ended up getting into my sisters email and read all the emails her and her bf had exchanged to each other and printed them.. she read them with my other older sister (will call her cindy) and even showed them to my grandparents and twisted stories to turn my grandparents against her. for years my mom and katherine did not talk but my mom called her in 2018 to apologize. now flash forward to 2022 and kathrine is living her absolute best life. still with her husband, and they’ve done very well for themselves just overall very happy and financially well. well katherine brought up a rumor she was hearing from someone else in the family about her husband and my other older sister cindy and i immediately knew where it had came from and what she was talking about. see when i was age 13 my mom found condoms in cindy’s closet and because cindy didn’t have a boyfriend or go places much besides my sister’s house to hang out with katherine and her husband she jumped to the conclusion that cindy was having an affair with kathrine’s husband. i didn’t believe this to be true even at age 13, but my mom went and ran this rumor to my dad/others so i told katherine all of this. i clarified how the rumor started and that mom was who started it years ago. kathrine warned me she would confront our mom which i was fine with and what did my mother do? she denied everything. she says i’m lying, and my father just backed on it. now my mom was diagnosed with ms this year.. my mother will call katherine and say how she doesn’t know how they’re going to pay the bills, etc. and katherine has helped them numerous times, giving them thousands of dollars. well, kathrine found out more stuff our mom did in the past and our mom freaked out which caused my dad to send me a nasty text saying that my mother has a serious health issue and that she does not need the stress i am causing her and that i need to stop with the drama and how disappointed he was in me which caused us to fight and when my aunt called my mother to confront her on both katherine’s behave and mine and our mother told my aunt i am crazy/not to believe me.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have older siblings, my mom had an affair on her first husband and that’s how my younger brother and i were born. my parents couldn’t afford daycare so my older sisters were pretty much forced into talking care of us. flash forward some years and my oldest sister (will call her katherine) got a bf and my mom was very jealous and said horrible things about him. then when katherine who was well over the age 18 told my mom that she would be moving in with her bf my mom went ballistic and made it like she was selfish for not staying and taking care of my brother and i. my mom said that pretty much she wasn’t welcome over and didn’t want her seeing us which cut me off from my sister. this devastated me at age 11, because i was very attached to my sister. to make matters worse my mom ended up getting into my sisters email and read all the emails her and her bf had exchanged to each other and printed them.. she read them with my other older sister (will call her cindy) and even showed them to my grandparents and twisted stories to turn my grandparents against her. for years my mom and katherine did not talk but my mom called her in 2018 to apologize. now flash forward to 2022 and kathrine is living her absolute best life. still with her husband, and they’ve done very well for themselves just overall very happy and financially well. well katherine brought up a rumor she was hearing from someone else in the family about her husband and my other older sister cindy and i immediately knew where it had came from and what she was talking about. see when i was age 13 my mom found condoms in cindy’s closet and because cindy didn’t have a boyfriend or go places much besides my sister’s house to hang out with katherine and her husband she jumped to the conclusion that cindy was having an affair with kathrine’s husband. i didn’t believe this to be true even at age 13, but my mom went and ran this rumor to my dad/others so i told katherine all of this. i clarified how the rumor started and that mom was who started it years ago. kathrine warned me she would confront our mom which i was fine with and what did my mother do? she denied everything. she says i’m lying, and my father just backed on it. now my mom was diagnosed with ms this year.. my mother will call katherine and say how she doesn’t know how they’re going to pay the bills, etc. and katherine has helped them numerous times, giving them thousands of dollars. well, kathrine found out more stuff our mom did in the past and our mom freaked out which caused my dad to send me a nasty text saying that my mother has a serious health issue and that she does not need the stress i am causing her and that i need to stop with the drama and how disappointed he was in me which caused us to fight and when my aunt called my mother to confront her on both katherine’s behave and mine and our mother told my aunt i am crazy/not to believe me. [/INST] nta. op, your mom is a bad person. if she didn't want to experience consequences for her horrible abuse of your sister, she shouldn't have committed those acts. consider telling your mom how you really feel about her and distancing yourself from her entirely. your dad has enabled your mother's behavior all of these years. he's also a bad person. </s>
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AITA for telling my gf I would rather kiss her for $100 than kiss the hottest girl I know for $700
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today is my (24) birthday, i just got done with work and was watching tv when my girlfriend of 4 years came in the room to tell me she made my favorite kind of pie. she then asked me if i would rather kiss her for $100 dollars or kiss the hottest girl i know for $700. not thinking much about it i said i would kiss her for $100. she got upset that i didn’t say she was the hottest girl i knew. she stormed off to our room and won’t talk to me. to me it seems like a trick question and i don’t get why she is so mad. aita?
| 6,832 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/go6usi/aita_for_telling_my_gf_i_would_rather_kiss_her/
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2020-05-21 22:31:11
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nta. she tricked you on purpose with a trick question and is mad at you on your birthday. she should be happy you said her. nta.
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nta. this is just a silly trend in twitter. i asked my bf the same (kiss me: 100 dollars or hottest girl: 1 mill) and he said he’d kissed the hottest girl once and we’d have our life solved.
i think she overreacted a bit.
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nta. she set you up to fail. besides, if my bf wasn't willing to kiss a girl for $700, then let me do it. i need money
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nta. tell her to spend less time on tiktok
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i just asked my husband. he answered “correctly”, so i gave him a kiss.
he’s now claiming i owe him $800. aita if i don’t pay him?
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nta. but word of wisdom, but the correct answer to this question is "well regardless of what i pick, i'm walking away with $900 dollars".
but seriously, she was trying to play a dumb game, she's only got herself to be upset with. what a stupid question.
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nta
your girlfriend sounds unhinged. she set you up in a really obnoxious way, and on your birthday! she sounds very immature to be playing these mind games with you, seemingly for no reason.
what does this girl bring to the relationship? because personally, i would not want to deal with dating a person like this.
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lol is she 16? who else would a) do this stupid test and b) get actually mad about it
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ahhh the bait and switch. yah there was no winning that one op. you are nta.
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nta
that was a trap and she played herself. the hottest girl i know of will more than likely not be the same person i'm dating. just like the hottest guy my partner would know of is definitively not me and if that say i am, imma leave them for lying to my face. lying is not a solid foundation for relationships.
to sum it up, don't play stupid games unless you want stupid prizes.
also, we'll see if the mods keep this, because there shouldn't be relationship posts but i ain't no snitch.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: today is my (24) birthday, i just got done with work and was watching tv when my girlfriend of 4 years came in the room to tell me she made my favorite kind of pie. she then asked me if i would rather kiss her for $100 dollars or kiss the hottest girl i know for $700. not thinking much about it i said i would kiss her for $100. she got upset that i didn’t say she was the hottest girl i knew. she stormed off to our room and won’t talk to me. to me it seems like a trick question and i don’t get why she is so mad. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
today is my (24) birthday, i just got done with work and was watching tv when my girlfriend of 4 years came in the room to tell me she made my favorite kind of pie. she then asked me if i would rather kiss her for $100 dollars or kiss the hottest girl i know for $700. not thinking much about it i said i would kiss her for $100. she got upset that i didn’t say she was the hottest girl i knew. she stormed off to our room and won’t talk to me. to me it seems like a trick question and i don’t get why she is so mad. aita? [/INST] nta. she tricked you on purpose with a trick question and is mad at you on your birthday. she should be happy you said her. nta. </s>
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AITA for being rude to a guy who questioned my ability to put up a shelf?
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i, a 26 year old woman, spent 8 years working as a handyman. my parents owned a construction company and dad taught me everything he knows, as did one of his brothers who was in the business with them, and several of his employees. i can put up a fence, fix a pipe, replant a garden, build furniture and rewire a light switch like it's second nature, which it kind of is.
i'm also 5"1, able to shop in petite, and dress very femininely (dresses, heels, jewelry, nails, makeup) all the time, and i'm lean and toned but i would never call myself muscular, and due to 3 years of not doing any regular physical labour i have put a bit of weight on. as a result when i say something like "i've just put up a shelf" or "i can chop you up some firewood" i often get at least one "if you say so" type of reaction.
if it ever goes beyond that then i'll get fuckface mcgee who's never done anything more than sob onto instructions for an ikea nightstand saying "you know, to put up a shelf you should try \[some internet "hack" i've known about for years and have a better method for\]" or "you really shouldn't be doing that, \[tool\] weights more than you lol".
i've tolerated this for years now from various people but sometimes they just annoy me so much i feel the need to be a dick back to them.
earlier tonight i met my girlfriend's sister's boyfriend for the first time. they came to our place. when he found out i'd recently put up a shelf he first said "you really put up that shelf?" multiple times. when i finally convinced him that i had he asked for a marble to test it was completely level. i then told him i didn't have one. he then walked over to it and placed his beer bottle on it sideways. it didn't roll off but it did get beer on the shelf i'd just put up a week ago. he then took his beer off it and started pushing and pulling the shelf, shaking it to see if it would stay in place or fall off. while it's a good shelf, it is still a plank of wood, so eventually i said "look, mate, i know what i'm doing. leave it alone."
they left, and my girlfriend got a text saying that the boyfriend found me abrasive, arrogant and rude. my girlfriend sides with me but also feels that on this specific occasion (meeting the sister's boyfriend) i should have been a bit less dickish and "didn't need to go all ron swanson on him". the boyfriend is apparently so offended that the sister wants me to apologise. my girlfriend doesn't think it should go that far, but apparently the boyfriend is really offended and is giving the sister grief.
aita?
| 1,127 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f2h7rp/aita_for_being_rude_to_a_guy_who_questioned_my/
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2020-02-11 23:25:24
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nta.
he sounded like a huge ah. “testing” the shelf like it would break? making a big deal out of it? there are so many more things to worry about than a woman installing a shelf well.
he should have been polite to you at your first meeting. he’s the one in your house getting in a tizzy about issues that aren’t even issues.
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awwwww, did you insuwt his wittle manhood? nta lmaooooooooo
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nta.
you weren't even rude. they are being patronizing and condescending toward you.
you were kinder than i would have been.
by the way, i'm 6'4" and a woman, and i get condescending assholes too because of my frame. so it's not just because you're short, it's because they're shitheads.
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nta, and your girlfriend's sister's boyfriend is a condescending dick. who the hell asks to do a marble test on someone else's shelf??? i hope he doesn't treat her the same way, but he probably does.
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nta. if he is that offended by you telling him how it is he needs a reality check lol. him doing what he did to “test” the shelf are rude as heck, so maybe he should apologize too, especially for wasting a damn beer to test it.
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omfg nta nta nta!!
that’s pure projection on his part. you didn’t allow him to mock, degrade, and insult you and your skills & indicated that you’d rather he didn’t try to rip it off the wall to prove that you haven’t “properly” installed it.
fuck that guy and sit down with your gfs sister instead and explain that you denying someone the opportunity to continue to insult you is not arrogance. she can explain it to fuckface mcdick from your point of view. you don’t need to explain shit to him. he knows what he did.
you’ve dealt with these assumptions and people challenging your skills your whole life, you don’t need to spend an ounce of energy on someone who you know was trying to make a point that because of your appearance and gender that you can’t be skilled with your hands/do useful construction work.
he’s pathetic, the sister should’ve told him to stfu, and you don’t need to do anything other than make it clear that he is projecting out of embarrassment for being called out.
if being spoken to like a normal human comes across to him as abrasive then your gfs sister has no hope of ever getting him to behave respectfully.
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nta. you owe him nothing after the way he talked to you. being so patronizing and skeptical of your ability to make a shelf, spilling beer on it... did he even clean that up? i'm assuming he didn't but either way if anyone should apologize for their behaviour it's him.
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as a blue collar dude, fuck that guy. he probably gets too hyped about bacon, brags he's the last man on earth to drink black coffee, and turns his nose up if your steak preference isn't blue rare.
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nta, tell her that you will apologize when he does for trying to degrade you and your abilities in your own home, as well as spilling beer on your shelf and being an overall dick.
it wasn't just you meeting him, but him meeting you, and if he acts like shit on first meeting, he's going to be worse after a few months.
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“didn’t need to go all ron swanson on him” 👌
nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i, a 26 year old woman, spent 8 years working as a handyman. my parents owned a construction company and dad taught me everything he knows, as did one of his brothers who was in the business with them, and several of his employees. i can put up a fence, fix a pipe, replant a garden, build furniture and rewire a light switch like it's second nature, which it kind of is. i'm also 5"1, able to shop in petite, and dress very femininely (dresses, heels, jewelry, nails, makeup) all the time, and i'm lean and toned but i would never call myself muscular, and due to 3 years of not doing any regular physical labour i have put a bit of weight on. as a result when i say something like "i've just put up a shelf" or "i can chop you up some firewood" i often get at least one "if you say so" type of reaction. if it ever goes beyond that then i'll get fuckface mcgee who's never done anything more than sob onto instructions for an ikea nightstand saying "you know, to put up a shelf you should try \[some internet "hack" i've known about for years and have a better method for\]" or "you really shouldn't be doing that, \[tool\] weights more than you lol". i've tolerated this for years now from various people but sometimes they just annoy me so much i feel the need to be a dick back to them. earlier tonight i met my girlfriend's sister's boyfriend for the first time. they came to our place. when he found out i'd recently put up a shelf he first said "you really put up that shelf?" multiple times. when i finally convinced him that i had he asked for a marble to test it was completely level. i then told him i didn't have one. he then walked over to it and placed his beer bottle on it sideways. it didn't roll off but it did get beer on the shelf i'd just put up a week ago. he then took his beer off it and started pushing and pulling the shelf, shaking it to see if it would stay in place or fall off. while it's a good shelf, it is still a plank of wood, so eventually i said "look, mate, i know what i'm doing. leave it alone." they left, and my girlfriend got a text saying that the boyfriend found me abrasive, arrogant and rude. my girlfriend sides with me but also feels that on this specific occasion (meeting the sister's boyfriend) i should have been a bit less dickish and "didn't need to go all ron swanson on him". the boyfriend is apparently so offended that the sister wants me to apologise. my girlfriend doesn't think it should go that far, but apparently the boyfriend is really offended and is giving the sister grief. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i, a 26 year old woman, spent 8 years working as a handyman. my parents owned a construction company and dad taught me everything he knows, as did one of his brothers who was in the business with them, and several of his employees. i can put up a fence, fix a pipe, replant a garden, build furniture and rewire a light switch like it's second nature, which it kind of is. i'm also 5"1, able to shop in petite, and dress very femininely (dresses, heels, jewelry, nails, makeup) all the time, and i'm lean and toned but i would never call myself muscular, and due to 3 years of not doing any regular physical labour i have put a bit of weight on. as a result when i say something like "i've just put up a shelf" or "i can chop you up some firewood" i often get at least one "if you say so" type of reaction. if it ever goes beyond that then i'll get fuckface mcgee who's never done anything more than sob onto instructions for an ikea nightstand saying "you know, to put up a shelf you should try \[some internet "hack" i've known about for years and have a better method for\]" or "you really shouldn't be doing that, \[tool\] weights more than you lol". i've tolerated this for years now from various people but sometimes they just annoy me so much i feel the need to be a dick back to them. earlier tonight i met my girlfriend's sister's boyfriend for the first time. they came to our place. when he found out i'd recently put up a shelf he first said "you really put up that shelf?" multiple times. when i finally convinced him that i had he asked for a marble to test it was completely level. i then told him i didn't have one. he then walked over to it and placed his beer bottle on it sideways. it didn't roll off but it did get beer on the shelf i'd just put up a week ago. he then took his beer off it and started pushing and pulling the shelf, shaking it to see if it would stay in place or fall off. while it's a good shelf, it is still a plank of wood, so eventually i said "look, mate, i know what i'm doing. leave it alone." they left, and my girlfriend got a text saying that the boyfriend found me abrasive, arrogant and rude. my girlfriend sides with me but also feels that on this specific occasion (meeting the sister's boyfriend) i should have been a bit less dickish and "didn't need to go all ron swanson on him". the boyfriend is apparently so offended that the sister wants me to apologise. my girlfriend doesn't think it should go that far, but apparently the boyfriend is really offended and is giving the sister grief. aita? [/INST] nta. he sounded like a huge ah. “testing” the shelf like it would break? making a big deal out of it? there are so many more things to worry about than a woman installing a shelf well. he should have been polite to you at your first meeting. he’s the one in your house getting in a tizzy about issues that aren’t even issues. </s>
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WIBTA for not letting my disabled sister use me as a physical support?
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my sister (20f) is physically disabled. she’s unstable on her feet and has a slower walk, and she gets tired easily. where the problem comes in is that, whenever my sister feels unsteady or starts to fall, her reflex is to grab me to support herself and catch her balance. i get no warning when this happens, there’s just suddenly a hand grabbing my arm or my shoulder. it even happens when she’s sitting down on the couch or a bed- she’ll scoot back, start to lose her balance, and then there’ll be a hand on my thigh while she pushes herself back up.
i’m tiny. i’m the second oldest child in my family after her, and i’m the shortest and smallest. my sister has at least twenty pounds on me and almost a foot in height. when she grabs me like that or uses me as a support, it almost knocks me over. it hurts! she also has a habit of rolling her mobility aid scooter over my foot or using my feet to hold it in place while she climbs on- her excuse is that she can’t move, while i can. but this happens when i’m backed into a corner. i just have to stand there with the wheel of a forty-five-pound scooter rammed into my foot until my sister gets on and starts going. every time she runs me over, she says it’s my fault for not getting out of the way- even when she rams into me from behind.
i’m really tired of being her brace. i understand that she’s disabled, and that she can’t help her unsteadiness. but i can’t keep getting almost shoved to the floor because she’s trying to stop herself from falling. i’m not stable enough because of my size to act as her support. i keep getting grabbed, pushed, shoved, and banged into. it hurts, and i’m sick and tired of it. would i be the asshole if i told her to stop using me to support herself?
| 3,331 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wd8ljf/wibta_for_not_letting_my_disabled_sister_use_me/
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2022-08-01 04:51:54
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nta. this is a rather upside down situation where you’re being abused by the person with the disability. she’s literally running you over. people with mobility issues have lots of potential aids they can use and your sister clearly has some of them. she can find ways to manage that don’t involve constantly invading your bodily autonomy.
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nta. you are not responsible for her physical safety. stop putting yourself physically in a position to be used like that; she can’t do it if you are not physically close enough for her to reach.
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your sister seems to be using her disability to be an entitled brat. if i were you i'd make sure to stay 6feet away from her at all times. nta
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nta.
i have a disability with the exact same symptoms as your sister (maybe we have the same one) and i would never do this especially to someone physically smaller than me. she needs to figure out another way (walker, wheelchair, cane, etc) cause otherwise she may injure you both by accident.
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nta she keeps doing knowing it hurts you and does it o. purpose when in her scooter, that's abuse, disabled or not she likes doing or she would find a better way to handle herself you need to keep your distance as much as possible. you also need to talk to your family. she hurting you regularly, there needs to be a cane or walker for her
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nta what would happen if you start vocalizing, loudly, whenever she hurts you? a loud ‘ouch!’ each time she grabs you, ‘my foot, my foot! ‘ every time she runs you over? in public, and at home, just to make everyone present aware of how often she hurts you?
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**nta** she needs to use an appropriate walker all the time. when you get ready to go somewhere, ask her where it is and do not let her leave the car without it.
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nta. ive been a carer for disabled people for12 odd years. never, ever try to lift a client. always use mobility aids, always have mobility aids. and, no one has been run over deliberately by an electric wheelchair yet. your sister needs an occupational therapist and mobility aids . im smaller, and weigh 1/2 or 2/3rds what my clients do. you are more in danger of breaking a bone if someone falls on you, than if you fell yourself. then what is your family going to do? i'd suggest also stay away from her as much as you can, till you can leave.
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nta. she is hurting you. she and your parents need to find ways for her to take care of herself without physically hurting you. i am so sorry your parents having been sticking up for you. and your sister is just so used to abusing you in this way that she doesn’t realize that it is abuse. there are aids she could use to avoid grabbing you but it looks like no one is going to make sure do it unless you insist.
if you aren’t brave enough to stick up for yourself, find an experienced older person to help? try telling your doctor or physical therapist and ask for help? try to get a therapist and work on how to have this conversation in individual or family therapy.
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info: where are your parents at when all of this is happening? are they aware? it seems you've made yourself vocal about not being used as an assistive device by your sister anymore, for extremely valid reasons! do you live with anyone that can help you enforce those boundaries?
i know others have mentioned this, but the behavior of your sister is extremely concerning and i think she needs to be evaluated mentally as well. based on your accounts, she is not psychologically well. your sister is rationalizing physical abuse of her further disabled twin.
my mother has a multitude of chronic illness and suffers from imbalance and dizziness (though not to the extent of your sister) and the most she has ever done to me or anyone else is lay a hand on my shoulder. she's never thrown her whole body weight on me! that (and the rest your sister's behavior) is absolutely bizarre, ridiculous, and inexcusable. there is no reason for her to be using another disabled person (because you are) as an assistive device. you are a person. not her walker.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister (20f) is physically disabled. she’s unstable on her feet and has a slower walk, and she gets tired easily. where the problem comes in is that, whenever my sister feels unsteady or starts to fall, her reflex is to grab me to support herself and catch her balance. i get no warning when this happens, there’s just suddenly a hand grabbing my arm or my shoulder. it even happens when she’s sitting down on the couch or a bed- she’ll scoot back, start to lose her balance, and then there’ll be a hand on my thigh while she pushes herself back up. i’m tiny. i’m the second oldest child in my family after her, and i’m the shortest and smallest. my sister has at least twenty pounds on me and almost a foot in height. when she grabs me like that or uses me as a support, it almost knocks me over. it hurts! she also has a habit of rolling her mobility aid scooter over my foot or using my feet to hold it in place while she climbs on- her excuse is that she can’t move, while i can. but this happens when i’m backed into a corner. i just have to stand there with the wheel of a forty-five-pound scooter rammed into my foot until my sister gets on and starts going. every time she runs me over, she says it’s my fault for not getting out of the way- even when she rams into me from behind. i’m really tired of being her brace. i understand that she’s disabled, and that she can’t help her unsteadiness. but i can’t keep getting almost shoved to the floor because she’s trying to stop herself from falling. i’m not stable enough because of my size to act as her support. i keep getting grabbed, pushed, shoved, and banged into. it hurts, and i’m sick and tired of it. would i be the asshole if i told her to stop using me to support herself?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister (20f) is physically disabled. she’s unstable on her feet and has a slower walk, and she gets tired easily. where the problem comes in is that, whenever my sister feels unsteady or starts to fall, her reflex is to grab me to support herself and catch her balance. i get no warning when this happens, there’s just suddenly a hand grabbing my arm or my shoulder. it even happens when she’s sitting down on the couch or a bed- she’ll scoot back, start to lose her balance, and then there’ll be a hand on my thigh while she pushes herself back up. i’m tiny. i’m the second oldest child in my family after her, and i’m the shortest and smallest. my sister has at least twenty pounds on me and almost a foot in height. when she grabs me like that or uses me as a support, it almost knocks me over. it hurts! she also has a habit of rolling her mobility aid scooter over my foot or using my feet to hold it in place while she climbs on- her excuse is that she can’t move, while i can. but this happens when i’m backed into a corner. i just have to stand there with the wheel of a forty-five-pound scooter rammed into my foot until my sister gets on and starts going. every time she runs me over, she says it’s my fault for not getting out of the way- even when she rams into me from behind. i’m really tired of being her brace. i understand that she’s disabled, and that she can’t help her unsteadiness. but i can’t keep getting almost shoved to the floor because she’s trying to stop herself from falling. i’m not stable enough because of my size to act as her support. i keep getting grabbed, pushed, shoved, and banged into. it hurts, and i’m sick and tired of it. would i be the asshole if i told her to stop using me to support herself? [/INST] nta. this is a rather upside down situation where you’re being abused by the person with the disability. she’s literally running you over. people with mobility issues have lots of potential aids they can use and your sister clearly has some of them. she can find ways to manage that don’t involve constantly invading your bodily autonomy. </s>
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AITA dressing my son with the girls clothes his dad's family brought him
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english is not my first language and i am in mobile, so please be patient with me
november last year i(30f) gave birth to our first baby. it's the first in my family and the 6th in my husband family(32m). it's important to say that all the six kids are boys and mil is in some sick baby girl rabies.
ever since we made the announcement mil convinced herself that i was pregnant with a girl. i told her that once we knew the gender she would be the first one to know. we told her it was a boy, she still was convinced it was a girl. she told they whole side of the family it was a girl. i corrected but she told them i was just annoyed bc i wanted a boy first (i wanted a healthy baby, i didn't have a damn about the sex). she also told them we are naming the girl after her mom, which we will never do bc hubby hates his grandma.
when the baby shower gifts started to come i noticed a lot of things that wasn't in the register. embroidered things with grandma's name. and it didn't matter we told them the gender and the name, and make clear we are not lying about the gender. everyone believed her
well, the baby was born. and imagine the surprise... it was a boy, just like we have been telling everyone. the problem (for them) was that now the baby have plenty of "girly" clothes, pink onesies etc, and we are dressing our baby with them. specially for his family video calls and for pictures for them.
after saturday call, mil called us to scream to us bc we are making the elders uncomfortable for not sticking to a masculine color scheme for the baby clothes. and we have to being this childish, she just through my belly shape was more like girl them for a boy.
we told her we will not change the baby's clothes, and to just await until the dresses fit. he will look adorable.
well i commented the thing w one of my friends and she told me i was wrong and should just listen to her. so aita?
edit
1. i did tried to return the clothes, but i needed the receipts and they didn't have me, some passed the period of return (generally 1 month in my country).
2. i was not trying to be petty or mean, but is clothes, mostly was super nice and i was not wasting.
3. guys i already donated the dresses, and some clothes with "baby girl" and things like that. i can be pretty chill but i know this is a spoon full for bullying in the future. i have been dressing him like that not for pictures but in the calls
4. luckily my side of the family is pretty chill and gave us plenty of neutral and "boyish" clothes.
5. and you guys are right, he doesn't give a damn, he paint any color with puke lol 😂😂😂
| 5,592 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o0l7tg/aita_dressing_my_son_with_the_girls_clothes_his/
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2021-06-15 18:32:38
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nta. what a well deserved punishment for an overbearing mil. i think the grandma onesies are especially appropriate since, everyone will know that grandma bought the clothes. mil is a person that needs to be put on an info diet, since she uses everything for her own advantage.
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[deleted]
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nta. why should you have to buy new baby clothes when you have perfectly good ones right there?
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nta, so grandma ignore parents confirming is a boy.. tells everyone is a girl and that parents are delusional
bunch of family buys girls things even after being told it's a boy..
parents not wanting to waste clothes, has baby wear them..
family gets upset cause they bought wrong stuff and you're using it.
queue shocked pikachu face
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“just wait till the dresses fit”
i think this was the best line i’ve read on reddit
nta
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nta- if she had an issue, she shouldn’t have bought them. you told her the baby was a boy
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nta. your family is unhealthy in their obsession with color coding infants for gender. that's totally unnecessary.
also, thank you for putting all the clothes to use anyway! love it!
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nta
first, her behaviour is ridiculous.
second, the baby most likely doesn't care whether the onesies are pink or blue. you have the items? make use of them.
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nta - this is hilarious, and you should cross-post to r/maliciouscompliance
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your baby is wearing clothes with pink and flowers and dolls on them - ok that’s not hurting anyone and frankly quite cute. your mil is questioning her own sanity. all in all win - win. nta.
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: english is not my first language and i am in mobile, so please be patient with me november last year i(30f) gave birth to our first baby. it's the first in my family and the 6th in my husband family(32m). it's important to say that all the six kids are boys and mil is in some sick baby girl rabies. ever since we made the announcement mil convinced herself that i was pregnant with a girl. i told her that once we knew the gender she would be the first one to know. we told her it was a boy, she still was convinced it was a girl. she told they whole side of the family it was a girl. i corrected but she told them i was just annoyed bc i wanted a boy first (i wanted a healthy baby, i didn't have a damn about the sex). she also told them we are naming the girl after her mom, which we will never do bc hubby hates his grandma. when the baby shower gifts started to come i noticed a lot of things that wasn't in the register. embroidered things with grandma's name. and it didn't matter we told them the gender and the name, and make clear we are not lying about the gender. everyone believed her well, the baby was born. and imagine the surprise... it was a boy, just like we have been telling everyone. the problem (for them) was that now the baby have plenty of "girly" clothes, pink onesies etc, and we are dressing our baby with them. specially for his family video calls and for pictures for them. after saturday call, mil called us to scream to us bc we are making the elders uncomfortable for not sticking to a masculine color scheme for the baby clothes. and we have to being this childish, she just through my belly shape was more like girl them for a boy. we told her we will not change the baby's clothes, and to just await until the dresses fit. he will look adorable. well i commented the thing w one of my friends and she told me i was wrong and should just listen to her. so aita? edit 1. i did tried to return the clothes, but i needed the receipts and they didn't have me, some passed the period of return (generally 1 month in my country). 2. i was not trying to be petty or mean, but is clothes, mostly was super nice and i was not wasting. 3. guys i already donated the dresses, and some clothes with "baby girl" and things like that. i can be pretty chill but i know this is a spoon full for bullying in the future. i have been dressing him like that not for pictures but in the calls 4. luckily my side of the family is pretty chill and gave us plenty of neutral and "boyish" clothes. 5. and you guys are right, he doesn't give a damn, he paint any color with puke lol 😂😂😂
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
english is not my first language and i am in mobile, so please be patient with me november last year i(30f) gave birth to our first baby. it's the first in my family and the 6th in my husband family(32m). it's important to say that all the six kids are boys and mil is in some sick baby girl rabies. ever since we made the announcement mil convinced herself that i was pregnant with a girl. i told her that once we knew the gender she would be the first one to know. we told her it was a boy, she still was convinced it was a girl. she told they whole side of the family it was a girl. i corrected but she told them i was just annoyed bc i wanted a boy first (i wanted a healthy baby, i didn't have a damn about the sex). she also told them we are naming the girl after her mom, which we will never do bc hubby hates his grandma. when the baby shower gifts started to come i noticed a lot of things that wasn't in the register. embroidered things with grandma's name. and it didn't matter we told them the gender and the name, and make clear we are not lying about the gender. everyone believed her well, the baby was born. and imagine the surprise... it was a boy, just like we have been telling everyone. the problem (for them) was that now the baby have plenty of "girly" clothes, pink onesies etc, and we are dressing our baby with them. specially for his family video calls and for pictures for them. after saturday call, mil called us to scream to us bc we are making the elders uncomfortable for not sticking to a masculine color scheme for the baby clothes. and we have to being this childish, she just through my belly shape was more like girl them for a boy. we told her we will not change the baby's clothes, and to just await until the dresses fit. he will look adorable. well i commented the thing w one of my friends and she told me i was wrong and should just listen to her. so aita? edit 1. i did tried to return the clothes, but i needed the receipts and they didn't have me, some passed the period of return (generally 1 month in my country). 2. i was not trying to be petty or mean, but is clothes, mostly was super nice and i was not wasting. 3. guys i already donated the dresses, and some clothes with "baby girl" and things like that. i can be pretty chill but i know this is a spoon full for bullying in the future. i have been dressing him like that not for pictures but in the calls 4. luckily my side of the family is pretty chill and gave us plenty of neutral and "boyish" clothes. 5. and you guys are right, he doesn't give a damn, he paint any color with puke lol 😂😂😂 [/INST] nta. what a well deserved punishment for an overbearing mil. i think the grandma onesies are especially appropriate since, everyone will know that grandma bought the clothes. mil is a person that needs to be put on an info diet, since she uses everything for her own advantage. </s>
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AITA for telling my sister she can't sleep with here bf while at my house?
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i 29m am getting married to my long time girlfriend in a few days and it's been fucking hectic.
my sister who lives in a different city (23f) has come home for the wedding and bought along her bf (also 23 m), which is ok because we allow for a plus one and i won't turn away a guest from our.
i'm doing well for myself so i have a pretty decent house and now my parents, a few of my cousins, an aunt ad uncle, and my sister has come down to live with me there till the reception is over. don't be shocked this is just how things are done in my culture. (my fiance has also moved back with her parents until all this is over).
i have absolutely no problem with here bringing her bf around and i think neither do my parents. but my aunt and uncle certainly do. i've even heard them whispering that what effect this might have on the younger cousins when they heard he was coming.
i tried to placate everyone and distract them with my wedding plans and it worked. however when my sister got here things got a little more complicated. sister came home to a warm welcome and it wasn't that awkward with aunt and uncle and her bf either.
but when she saw the sleeping arrangements her face fell. i was bunking with another male cousin. my parents and aunt and uncle got a room each and there was another bedroom for her to share with 2 female cousins. she got annoyed and asked what her bf was supposed to do. i told her we can set up the couch for him.
this irritated her and she said she'd sleep on the couch out with him. i flat out refused as what would our parents and aunt and uncle think.
she then said she didn't like that he'd be on the couch and that she'd get a comfy bed even if she's sharing. i told her this was out of the question and that she's behaving like a brat.
then she suggested the cousin i was bunking with and her bf take turns on the couch (in our culture the wedding can last for a few days). i refused this as well because well my cousin brother is my buddy and i don't want to share space with her bf who is practically a stranger.
sis started getting angry at this point and yelling at me asking why the hell did i say she was allowed to bring someone then. i told her she could bring someone for the wedding and not to my house.
she got even angry at this and told me i know indian weddings last for 4-5 days and where was he to go during the wedding functions as they can't afford a hotel for those many days.
i told her this wasn't my problem and that she's forgotten our culture. there's no way my parents would accept her sleeping on the couch with her bf.
she flipped me off and told me if she doesn't get to stay with her bf or if my cousin doesn't alternate, she'll leave. i told her i would be a waste of travel expenses and time and to stop behaving like a brat.
bf at this point butt in and said he's perfectly happy on the couch. but i could see he only did this to keep peace. and sis won't stop giving me the stink eye.
| 1,345 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yu2n58/aita_for_telling_my_sister_she_cant_sleep_with/
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2022-11-13 14:07:02
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nta if sleeping with him is more important than your culture & family then they can stay in a hotel together. you offered them somewhere to stay for free if the accommodations are not to her liking she can leave.
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nta
this would have caused a lot of drama at your wedding. yeah, we may or may not disagree with some stuff in our cultures, but someone else’s celebration is not the time to take a stand.
you can’t sleep with a random dude next to you. she has a bed and bf has a couch and it’s free. if they cared so much about sleeping arrangements in a wedding house they should have checked in with you beforehand.
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nta. i was anticipating going the other direction from the title. but your issue is the very high number of house guests consistent with a cultural expectation. you’ve been forced to pack the house. a bedroom for the male cousins, a bedroom for the female cousins, bedrooms for the older generation, and a separate space for the boyfriend. if your cousin wanted to stay at your place, she should have inquired of sleeping arrangements. if she was dissatisfied with them, she could go elsewhere.
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nta. you are providing a free place for them to stay. if they don’t like the sleeping arrangements you’re providing, they need to pay for a hotel. it’s not unreasonable to ask them to respect your family’s culture by not sleeping together for a few days while at your house.
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info why didn't you tell her this ahead of time?
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yta for giving the impression that the boyfriend would be appropriately catered for and then only providing a couch. you should have been upfront and told them in full what the situation was so they could chose to stay elsewhere if they wanted
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yta. you knew the wedding will last for days, so of course he'd need a comfortable space to sleep. and she didn't invite a random date - she invited her partner, which you also knew about. you're honestly too locked up in people's judgements to give your sister any consideration, but since she's right in her demands you're writing her off as a brat.
you could have handled this in 20 other ways. but you chose the typical desi guy route - dismiss the person causing you issues on something as minor as alternate sleeping arrangements. isn't our culture also big on hospitality? would make sense to remember that. make the poor guy feel welcome, groom-zilla.
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i’ll probably get flack over this but i’m going to go with nta- every culture is different and they’re not married. if they want to sleep together they should get a hotel or an air bnb. it’s not like they’re not going to spend time together during the day. it’s only for a few days. they’ll survive.
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please don't pretend that you didn't see this clash of cultures coming. you set up your sister and her bf for failure and embarrassment. at the minimum you should have alerted her beforehand to the sleeping arrangements, giving her a chance to make choices beforehand.
bad planning on your part. yta.
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yta.
i wanted to vote differently, until i read your comment about your sister already living with him and posting pictures in instagram (how dare she live her own life?). so you knew that this will be an issue and chose to ignore it. and btw, you don't appear to be a "liberal brother" at all.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.764152 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i 29m am getting married to my long time girlfriend in a few days and it's been fucking hectic. my sister who lives in a different city (23f) has come home for the wedding and bought along her bf (also 23 m), which is ok because we allow for a plus one and i won't turn away a guest from our. i'm doing well for myself so i have a pretty decent house and now my parents, a few of my cousins, an aunt ad uncle, and my sister has come down to live with me there till the reception is over. don't be shocked this is just how things are done in my culture. (my fiance has also moved back with her parents until all this is over). i have absolutely no problem with here bringing her bf around and i think neither do my parents. but my aunt and uncle certainly do. i've even heard them whispering that what effect this might have on the younger cousins when they heard he was coming. i tried to placate everyone and distract them with my wedding plans and it worked. however when my sister got here things got a little more complicated. sister came home to a warm welcome and it wasn't that awkward with aunt and uncle and her bf either. but when she saw the sleeping arrangements her face fell. i was bunking with another male cousin. my parents and aunt and uncle got a room each and there was another bedroom for her to share with 2 female cousins. she got annoyed and asked what her bf was supposed to do. i told her we can set up the couch for him. this irritated her and she said she'd sleep on the couch out with him. i flat out refused as what would our parents and aunt and uncle think. she then said she didn't like that he'd be on the couch and that she'd get a comfy bed even if she's sharing. i told her this was out of the question and that she's behaving like a brat. then she suggested the cousin i was bunking with and her bf take turns on the couch (in our culture the wedding can last for a few days). i refused this as well because well my cousin brother is my buddy and i don't want to share space with her bf who is practically a stranger. sis started getting angry at this point and yelling at me asking why the hell did i say she was allowed to bring someone then. i told her she could bring someone for the wedding and not to my house. she got even angry at this and told me i know indian weddings last for 4-5 days and where was he to go during the wedding functions as they can't afford a hotel for those many days. i told her this wasn't my problem and that she's forgotten our culture. there's no way my parents would accept her sleeping on the couch with her bf. she flipped me off and told me if she doesn't get to stay with her bf or if my cousin doesn't alternate, she'll leave. i told her i would be a waste of travel expenses and time and to stop behaving like a brat. bf at this point butt in and said he's perfectly happy on the couch. but i could see he only did this to keep peace. and sis won't stop giving me the stink eye.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i 29m am getting married to my long time girlfriend in a few days and it's been fucking hectic. my sister who lives in a different city (23f) has come home for the wedding and bought along her bf (also 23 m), which is ok because we allow for a plus one and i won't turn away a guest from our. i'm doing well for myself so i have a pretty decent house and now my parents, a few of my cousins, an aunt ad uncle, and my sister has come down to live with me there till the reception is over. don't be shocked this is just how things are done in my culture. (my fiance has also moved back with her parents until all this is over). i have absolutely no problem with here bringing her bf around and i think neither do my parents. but my aunt and uncle certainly do. i've even heard them whispering that what effect this might have on the younger cousins when they heard he was coming. i tried to placate everyone and distract them with my wedding plans and it worked. however when my sister got here things got a little more complicated. sister came home to a warm welcome and it wasn't that awkward with aunt and uncle and her bf either. but when she saw the sleeping arrangements her face fell. i was bunking with another male cousin. my parents and aunt and uncle got a room each and there was another bedroom for her to share with 2 female cousins. she got annoyed and asked what her bf was supposed to do. i told her we can set up the couch for him. this irritated her and she said she'd sleep on the couch out with him. i flat out refused as what would our parents and aunt and uncle think. she then said she didn't like that he'd be on the couch and that she'd get a comfy bed even if she's sharing. i told her this was out of the question and that she's behaving like a brat. then she suggested the cousin i was bunking with and her bf take turns on the couch (in our culture the wedding can last for a few days). i refused this as well because well my cousin brother is my buddy and i don't want to share space with her bf who is practically a stranger. sis started getting angry at this point and yelling at me asking why the hell did i say she was allowed to bring someone then. i told her she could bring someone for the wedding and not to my house. she got even angry at this and told me i know indian weddings last for 4-5 days and where was he to go during the wedding functions as they can't afford a hotel for those many days. i told her this wasn't my problem and that she's forgotten our culture. there's no way my parents would accept her sleeping on the couch with her bf. she flipped me off and told me if she doesn't get to stay with her bf or if my cousin doesn't alternate, she'll leave. i told her i would be a waste of travel expenses and time and to stop behaving like a brat. bf at this point butt in and said he's perfectly happy on the couch. but i could see he only did this to keep peace. and sis won't stop giving me the stink eye. [/INST] nta if sleeping with him is more important than your culture & family then they can stay in a hotel together. you offered them somewhere to stay for free if the accommodations are not to her liking she can leave. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to change the way I speak?
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my boyfriend and i have been doing extraordinarily well in our relationship, but a few times we've butted heads because he thinks i sound like a dumb valley girl and wants me to change the way i speak. specifically, using "like" as a vocal filler too often.
i feel extremely insulted; i was born and raised in los angeles, where we currently live, so i don't think it's ridiculous for me to have the accent that is typical of my surroundings. i know i use "like" as a vocal filler, but i don't think the amount of vocal fillers i use outnumbers the amount he uses, his just happen to be "uh" "um" "y'know" etc more often than "like".
i ask him why it matters and he tells me he's afraid to introduce me to people because he's scared they'll think i'm stupid based off the way i sound, and he'll be embarrassed. i told him i don't give a fuck about the opinions of people who would make that kind of assumption about me based on something so superficial, and he confesses it's because *he* thinks i sound stupid. i told him after a year of dating, i'd hope i've proven in plenty of other ways my intelligence.
the first couple times we argued i really didn't budge, because i don't think i should bend to fit his language ideologies, especially not in an environment where plenty of people around me sound exactly the same as me. i told him if we move somewhere else, i might consider not sounding like i'm from la, but as long as we're here, i'm perfectly fine with the way i sound. i also remind him that the reason i'm using vocal fillers with him is because he's my partner, and i'm comfortable enough with him in our apartment that i don't have to concentrate as much on speaking eloquently because i don't think it's necessary in that context; that doesn't mean i won't be conscientious of my speech when i'm with others.
but today he brought it up for the fourth time and it's really starting to bother me. i can't tell if he's just obsessing, or if maybe i'm really in the wrong. am i being too stubborn? i have never heard from anyone else that i say "like" too much, and i think it's such a superficial thing that would take a lot of effort for me to constantly watch. is there a side of this i'm not seeing? his arguments boil down to "you sound stupid and it annoys me", and that's pretty much it. it's made me feel pretty insecure and makes me feel like i can't be as loose around him as i usually am because i have to pay such close attention to what i'm saying. aita??
tl;dr: i'm a valley girl and i sound like one. my boyfriend thinks my voice, combined with the fact that i say "like" a lot makes me sound stupid and wants me to stop because it's annoying him.
| 309 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hbsfbb/aita_for_not_wanting_to_change_the_way_i_speak/
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2020-06-19 02:34:15
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nta. if my boyfriend ever told me i sounded so dumb and embarassing that he didn't want to introduce me to anyone, i would be done with him then and there.
shame on him.
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nta, and this is a red flag. he's trying to control you and, to a degree, it's working. you're already starting to doubt yourself and feel insecure/on edge around him.
i'm not outright labelling him abusive or anything (i don't know anywhere near enough about your relationship to properly judge!) but please keep an eye out for him making a fuss over further insignificant issues. abuse always starts off small. degrading your self-esteem is textbook behaviour.
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nta your boyfriend sounds like he’s fixating on this
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nta.
> i ask him why it matters and he tells me he's afraid to introduce me to people because he's scared they'll think i'm stupid based off the way i sound, and he'll be embarrassed. i told him i don't give a fuck about the opinions of people who would make that kind of assumption about me based on something so superficial, and he confesses it's because *he* thinks i sound stupid. '
wow! he doesn't sound like a nice person at all. vocal fillers are totally natural and since you're living in la, what does he really expect?
his problem with you is exactly that, *his* problem not yours. he should be proud to show you off as his girlfriend and if he thinks you sound stupid, well, he has some soul-searching he needs to be doing.
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nta-
everyone i know around my age (21) has an issue with using the word "like" so much. should we all maybe try to not use it as much? yeah sure. does using it so much make it okay for our partners to call us stupid and embarrassing???
.... i'll let you answer that one
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nta he doesn't respect you. that isn't a reason for you to change your way of speech. if he can't be less shallow, then that is not your problem.
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nta. if he can’t accept you the way you are, he shouldn’t be with you.
remember the point of dating is not to do whatever it takes to be with them. the point of dating is to be yourself, see if you are compatible and figure out if they are worth staying with.
if someone makes you feel like garbage, they are not worth it.
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nta, he sounds like a controlling and superficial jerk.
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nta
i'm from southern california and i absolutely know the accent that you're talking about. i used to have a habit of saying like like like like like all the time, and my mother got really annoyed by it. instead of calling me stupid and saying i sounded like an airhead, you just said it was getting on her nerves and asked me to be mindful of it. i also took a speech class and instructor was very clear that using nervous fillers made your sentences have less impact.
but, no one ever said i sounded stupid, that i needed to change, or that i embarrassed them. everyone told me in a kind way and didn't criticize me or make me feel bad for how i spoke. and i think that the way your boyfriend handled this was very cruel and potentially devastating. he shouldn't make you feel like the way you speak isn't good enough. and personally, if you're good enough to date and have sex with, then he should be proud of who you are. he sounds very selfish
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my boyfriend and i have been doing extraordinarily well in our relationship, but a few times we've butted heads because he thinks i sound like a dumb valley girl and wants me to change the way i speak. specifically, using "like" as a vocal filler too often. i feel extremely insulted; i was born and raised in los angeles, where we currently live, so i don't think it's ridiculous for me to have the accent that is typical of my surroundings. i know i use "like" as a vocal filler, but i don't think the amount of vocal fillers i use outnumbers the amount he uses, his just happen to be "uh" "um" "y'know" etc more often than "like". i ask him why it matters and he tells me he's afraid to introduce me to people because he's scared they'll think i'm stupid based off the way i sound, and he'll be embarrassed. i told him i don't give a fuck about the opinions of people who would make that kind of assumption about me based on something so superficial, and he confesses it's because *he* thinks i sound stupid. i told him after a year of dating, i'd hope i've proven in plenty of other ways my intelligence. the first couple times we argued i really didn't budge, because i don't think i should bend to fit his language ideologies, especially not in an environment where plenty of people around me sound exactly the same as me. i told him if we move somewhere else, i might consider not sounding like i'm from la, but as long as we're here, i'm perfectly fine with the way i sound. i also remind him that the reason i'm using vocal fillers with him is because he's my partner, and i'm comfortable enough with him in our apartment that i don't have to concentrate as much on speaking eloquently because i don't think it's necessary in that context; that doesn't mean i won't be conscientious of my speech when i'm with others. but today he brought it up for the fourth time and it's really starting to bother me. i can't tell if he's just obsessing, or if maybe i'm really in the wrong. am i being too stubborn? i have never heard from anyone else that i say "like" too much, and i think it's such a superficial thing that would take a lot of effort for me to constantly watch. is there a side of this i'm not seeing? his arguments boil down to "you sound stupid and it annoys me", and that's pretty much it. it's made me feel pretty insecure and makes me feel like i can't be as loose around him as i usually am because i have to pay such close attention to what i'm saying. aita?? tl;dr: i'm a valley girl and i sound like one. my boyfriend thinks my voice, combined with the fact that i say "like" a lot makes me sound stupid and wants me to stop because it's annoying him.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my boyfriend and i have been doing extraordinarily well in our relationship, but a few times we've butted heads because he thinks i sound like a dumb valley girl and wants me to change the way i speak. specifically, using "like" as a vocal filler too often. i feel extremely insulted; i was born and raised in los angeles, where we currently live, so i don't think it's ridiculous for me to have the accent that is typical of my surroundings. i know i use "like" as a vocal filler, but i don't think the amount of vocal fillers i use outnumbers the amount he uses, his just happen to be "uh" "um" "y'know" etc more often than "like". i ask him why it matters and he tells me he's afraid to introduce me to people because he's scared they'll think i'm stupid based off the way i sound, and he'll be embarrassed. i told him i don't give a fuck about the opinions of people who would make that kind of assumption about me based on something so superficial, and he confesses it's because *he* thinks i sound stupid. i told him after a year of dating, i'd hope i've proven in plenty of other ways my intelligence. the first couple times we argued i really didn't budge, because i don't think i should bend to fit his language ideologies, especially not in an environment where plenty of people around me sound exactly the same as me. i told him if we move somewhere else, i might consider not sounding like i'm from la, but as long as we're here, i'm perfectly fine with the way i sound. i also remind him that the reason i'm using vocal fillers with him is because he's my partner, and i'm comfortable enough with him in our apartment that i don't have to concentrate as much on speaking eloquently because i don't think it's necessary in that context; that doesn't mean i won't be conscientious of my speech when i'm with others. but today he brought it up for the fourth time and it's really starting to bother me. i can't tell if he's just obsessing, or if maybe i'm really in the wrong. am i being too stubborn? i have never heard from anyone else that i say "like" too much, and i think it's such a superficial thing that would take a lot of effort for me to constantly watch. is there a side of this i'm not seeing? his arguments boil down to "you sound stupid and it annoys me", and that's pretty much it. it's made me feel pretty insecure and makes me feel like i can't be as loose around him as i usually am because i have to pay such close attention to what i'm saying. aita?? tl;dr: i'm a valley girl and i sound like one. my boyfriend thinks my voice, combined with the fact that i say "like" a lot makes me sound stupid and wants me to stop because it's annoying him. [/INST] nta. if my boyfriend ever told me i sounded so dumb and embarassing that he didn't want to introduce me to anyone, i would be done with him then and there. shame on him. </s>
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WIBTA if I didn’t pay a guy who solicited me an hour or so ago.
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so i (21f) park my car on the street i live on, and there’s a couple of cars that are the same model as mine; an older vw golf. it’s quite common for the headlights to oxidise as they age (i’m sure this is the case with many cars) but it’s not a hazard nor is it something i worry about too much seeing as my car is 15 years old and does it’s job getting me from a to b.
about an hour or two ago my sister (15f) and i were getting into my car to go somewhere and this man approaches my sister’s window and says something. i get out seeing as i can’t hear him and he goes ‘oh! i’ve been trying to track you down!’ and i’m kinda like ‘okay.’ i’m trying to be polite to this guy cause he’s a complete stranger who’s approached me (i’m 5”4 and 110 bloody lbs), has just seen me exit the driveway down which i live and my 15 year old sister is sitting in my car.
he launches into this sales pitch about how he’s been door knocking around and trying to figure out who owns my car (and others on my street) so he can clean my lights, he even knocked on the door of the lady that lives in front of our house (we’re down a driveway) asking if my car was hers. he tells me he’s here to do my other neighbours car (similar model to mine) and he can do mine now too if i would like. he’s telling me how if you go to the dealership it’s $140 per light but he can do both for $60!! i try to decline and he goes ‘here i’ll show you!’ and starts on one of the lights while continuing to talk about how i’ll fail my car warrant if they’re not done (i’ve never failed one before) and i really can’t get a word in edge ways. he’s done both in 2 minutes and is suddenly asking me for $60. he ever tries to have a crack at a paint mark on the curb side of the bumper. i say i don’t have cash and he gives me his internet banking details and i say i’ll sort it later cause i’m in a hurry.
i get home and i’m talking to my dad about it. he believes i’m under no obligation to pay him seeing as this guy was essentially soliciting, and i never asked for it to be done. i didn’t specifically say ‘no’ (which i struggled to do even if i could have) but i also don’t exactly have $60 to chuck at something on my car that’s not a concern of mine anyway. dad says if this guy does end up door knocking us he’d be happy to talk to this man himself (seeing as he knows where i live now, which is my biggest concern.) but i’m wondering reddit; would i be the asshole if i didn’t pay him?
| 167 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f0lqzq/wibta_if_i_didnt_pay_a_guy_who_solicited_me_an/
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2020-02-08 03:16:16
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nta, and you've just had a taste of why we middle-aged women have a reputation for being a bit assertive. it's because the world will walk all over you if you're not.
guy sounds like a total scammer. no way was he knocking on doors all up and down the street to see whose car it was. he just snagged you because you happened to come out to your car and looked, sorry to be blunt, young and impressionable.
i don't want to say "call the cops" but-- i wouldn't call you ta if you did.
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nta - this is a common tactic with these types of “salesmen.” some people pay out of guilt, some people don’t...even if he only gets 2 out of 5, he still made $120. this exact scenario happened to me in my apartment complex parking lot a few years back. i didn’t consent to the service, so i didn’t pay, and he went about his “business” and left me alone. i wouldn’t worry too much about it.
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nta. you didn't ask or consent to this service. you owe him nothing.
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nta. it’s a guilt trap. you have no obligation to pay as you didn’t agree to any service.
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while i agree with the be assertive part, the karen memes came into existence because they took it way beyond the next level of just being assertive.
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nta. it doesn’t matter if you didn’t say no you didn’t say yes. if he wants to clean your lights without you saying you’ll pay him than it’s his fault. he probably did it to guilt you in to paying him even though he knew you didn’t want it.
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nta. i don’t pay the guy at the gas station when he starts cleaning my back window. i tell him the car is fine and don’t need his services. it’s not your fault he was more insistent and did both the bulbs. he’s trying to force you into saying yes and his desperation is not your problem.
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nta give the information you have to the police he's a scammer.
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the karen meme is a bit ridiculous. like people who are actually called karen are getting mocked because if it. same goes for:
-guys who go to the gym (chads)
-guys who like anime (incel)
-someone trying to haggle on anything (choosing beggar)
if someone likes something that slightly hints at one of these things, bam! smeared all over the internet. it's not as funny as you'd think when the joke is made at your expense.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i (21f) park my car on the street i live on, and there’s a couple of cars that are the same model as mine; an older vw golf. it’s quite common for the headlights to oxidise as they age (i’m sure this is the case with many cars) but it’s not a hazard nor is it something i worry about too much seeing as my car is 15 years old and does it’s job getting me from a to b. about an hour or two ago my sister (15f) and i were getting into my car to go somewhere and this man approaches my sister’s window and says something. i get out seeing as i can’t hear him and he goes ‘oh! i’ve been trying to track you down!’ and i’m kinda like ‘okay.’ i’m trying to be polite to this guy cause he’s a complete stranger who’s approached me (i’m 5”4 and 110 bloody lbs), has just seen me exit the driveway down which i live and my 15 year old sister is sitting in my car. he launches into this sales pitch about how he’s been door knocking around and trying to figure out who owns my car (and others on my street) so he can clean my lights, he even knocked on the door of the lady that lives in front of our house (we’re down a driveway) asking if my car was hers. he tells me he’s here to do my other neighbours car (similar model to mine) and he can do mine now too if i would like. he’s telling me how if you go to the dealership it’s $140 per light but he can do both for $60!! i try to decline and he goes ‘here i’ll show you!’ and starts on one of the lights while continuing to talk about how i’ll fail my car warrant if they’re not done (i’ve never failed one before) and i really can’t get a word in edge ways. he’s done both in 2 minutes and is suddenly asking me for $60. he ever tries to have a crack at a paint mark on the curb side of the bumper. i say i don’t have cash and he gives me his internet banking details and i say i’ll sort it later cause i’m in a hurry. i get home and i’m talking to my dad about it. he believes i’m under no obligation to pay him seeing as this guy was essentially soliciting, and i never asked for it to be done. i didn’t specifically say ‘no’ (which i struggled to do even if i could have) but i also don’t exactly have $60 to chuck at something on my car that’s not a concern of mine anyway. dad says if this guy does end up door knocking us he’d be happy to talk to this man himself (seeing as he knows where i live now, which is my biggest concern.) but i’m wondering reddit; would i be the asshole if i didn’t pay him?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i (21f) park my car on the street i live on, and there’s a couple of cars that are the same model as mine; an older vw golf. it’s quite common for the headlights to oxidise as they age (i’m sure this is the case with many cars) but it’s not a hazard nor is it something i worry about too much seeing as my car is 15 years old and does it’s job getting me from a to b. about an hour or two ago my sister (15f) and i were getting into my car to go somewhere and this man approaches my sister’s window and says something. i get out seeing as i can’t hear him and he goes ‘oh! i’ve been trying to track you down!’ and i’m kinda like ‘okay.’ i’m trying to be polite to this guy cause he’s a complete stranger who’s approached me (i’m 5”4 and 110 bloody lbs), has just seen me exit the driveway down which i live and my 15 year old sister is sitting in my car. he launches into this sales pitch about how he’s been door knocking around and trying to figure out who owns my car (and others on my street) so he can clean my lights, he even knocked on the door of the lady that lives in front of our house (we’re down a driveway) asking if my car was hers. he tells me he’s here to do my other neighbours car (similar model to mine) and he can do mine now too if i would like. he’s telling me how if you go to the dealership it’s $140 per light but he can do both for $60!! i try to decline and he goes ‘here i’ll show you!’ and starts on one of the lights while continuing to talk about how i’ll fail my car warrant if they’re not done (i’ve never failed one before) and i really can’t get a word in edge ways. he’s done both in 2 minutes and is suddenly asking me for $60. he ever tries to have a crack at a paint mark on the curb side of the bumper. i say i don’t have cash and he gives me his internet banking details and i say i’ll sort it later cause i’m in a hurry. i get home and i’m talking to my dad about it. he believes i’m under no obligation to pay him seeing as this guy was essentially soliciting, and i never asked for it to be done. i didn’t specifically say ‘no’ (which i struggled to do even if i could have) but i also don’t exactly have $60 to chuck at something on my car that’s not a concern of mine anyway. dad says if this guy does end up door knocking us he’d be happy to talk to this man himself (seeing as he knows where i live now, which is my biggest concern.) but i’m wondering reddit; would i be the asshole if i didn’t pay him? [/INST] nta, and you've just had a taste of why we middle-aged women have a reputation for being a bit assertive. it's because the world will walk all over you if you're not. guy sounds like a total scammer. no way was he knocking on doors all up and down the street to see whose car it was. he just snagged you because you happened to come out to your car and looked, sorry to be blunt, young and impressionable. i don't want to say "call the cops" but-- i wouldn't call you ta if you did. </s>
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AITA for being upset I was tricked into spending $200 on “celebratory” champagne?
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(
| 246 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hisxgg/aita_for_being_upset_i_was_tricked_into_spending/
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2020-06-30 18:20:56
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nta - the way that was phrased made it very misleading and the price per glass underscores the issue.
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nta for being upset. in future i go by the rule, if its handed to me upon arrival then i'm assuming it's free, if i am asked if i would like something i generally ask what the charge is.
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[deleted]
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tentatively nta, $70 a glass is expensive champagne indeed, even in a very nice restaurant, probably worth mentioning in a review if the rest of the meal was not $400+. (if it was a $200+ per person dinner at a michelin starred place, maybe to be expected and nah, but if the champagne glasses ended up being 30% or more of the price of the meal, that’s a trap.)
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nah
you thought it was complimentary and got upset at an expensive drink being unexpectedly put on your tab.
the waiter did not say complimentary or on the house and is ok as well.
15% tip when you feel you got hossed for $140? thats pretty damn generous in my opinion.
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nta - classic move by the door treasons hotel. i’ve seen this before, especially on cruises and in hotels. it’s shady for sure. i would have asked to speak to the manager but alas you weren’t told it was complimentary. the waiter knew exactly what he was doing and thus is indeed the butthole.
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nta i really hate those sorts of tricks. like coffee shops that ask about adding whipped cream or flavoring after they ask if you want cream or sugar, or if it's for here or to go. they never say the flavoring or whipped cream are free, but by asking you about other free things first, your mind goes in that direction.
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nta. the waiter knew what he was doing. the proper thing to do would have been to ask you if he should bring out the menu so you could choose one within your budget.
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nta. waiter definitely pulled that on purpose. if it wasn't complimentary he should have mentioned the price or said 'great, check out the wine menu and let me know'. especially at hotels it's very common to offer complimentary champagne or dessert for a birthday. not as common to use sneaky tricks to get you to order the most expensive champagne on the menu.
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have to admit i think i'd have fallen for that too; what exactly is "celebratory" champagne? how does that differ from ordinary champagne that the waiter serves?
it gives a strong *impression* that it's a birthday related gift (as opposed to actually making you look like a bit of an ah if you effectively reject the offer of celebrating the birthday they know about!).
it might be a common misleading upsell, but it's still an ah'ish way to do it; generally, you'd have seen the wine list with prices upfront.
so i'm going with nta. i can understand the argument for n a h as the waiter didn't *explicitly* say it was complimentary - but i think it was misleading enough.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: (
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
( [/INST] nta - the way that was phrased made it very misleading and the price per glass underscores the issue. </s>
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AITA for getting angry at my aunt for stealing my fan for her baby?
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i (18f) live with my mum (42) in a tiny flat in the city. recently my uncle (38) and his wife (29) have had a baby, and they chose to stay with us whilst they get used to the whole “parent” thing.
to be honest, the whole situation has confused me from the beginning. my aunt and uncle live in scotland in a huge house, and instead of getting help from my aunt’s family who actually live there, they’ve decided to drive down to england to stay in a pokey flat with me and my mum. we didn’t ask questions, though, and just welcomed them with open arms, because that’s what families do.
anyway, as some of you may know, right now in the uk, there’s a big heatwave hitting us. it’s more limited to england i think, but recently it’s been about 29c (84f) but temps are set to hit 40c (104f) which is the hottest it’s ever been over here. our homes are not equipped for heatwaves, they’re actually designed to insulate instead of keep cool, so we’re all panicking about how hot it’s going to get in the flat. my mum and i thought that my aunt and uncle would go back up to scotland where it’s cooler, but they were insistent on staying with us, so last week, we bought an air conditioning unit and some fans to keep us going.
however, as of late, my aunt keeps stealing all our fans and the ac for her and the baby. “it’s too hot, we need them.” the rest of us are literally baking, including her own husband who has asthma and suffers in extreme heat, but she doesn’t seem to care or even understand that. we were trying to be accommodating at first, but now it’s actually getting beyond ridiculous. she won’t even let us use the things that we bought in our own home, which i find really selfish and unfair.
it kind’ve came to a boiling point (no pun intended 🤣) this morning when she decided to take the one hand fan that i had in my room and put it in the baby’s cot because, “the baby was crying and the ac unit and the two fans weren’t enough.” i tried telling her that maybe the baby was actually too cold or maybe just hungry and that lead to an argument where she accused me of questioning her parenting, etc etc.
i didn’t engage, just told her that i don’t care how she parents her child as long as she doesn’t steal from me, took my fan back, and didn’t say another word to her.
aita for getting pissy? i get that she’s a first time parent and she’s worried about her baby but i don’t know, i just don’t think it justified taking my stuff.
(just for some context, as far as i know nothing has happened up in scotland for them not to go back. i honestly have no idea why they want to be here when the weather is bloody minging and their house with built-in ac is empty but !!!! this is the shit i am dealing with)
| 6,282 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w1x32l/aita_for_getting_angry_at_my_aunt_for_stealing_my/
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2022-07-18 11:34:53
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nta
as a fellow brit i can confirm it’s hot as balls and you need your fan.
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nta. your aunt is a guest in your house. she needs to ask before she takes things. if the baby needs something, it can be discussed as a family, or she can use *her* money to provide for *her* child.
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nta
sounds like she overstayed her welcome. i would offer her 1 fan and if it's appropriate, have the ac in a communal area. if the baby can't stay there, go back to your own home or purchase more cooling units
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nta. may i suggest that you talk with your mom because she likely knows more than she’s telling about why the aunt and uncle are squatting at your mom’s tiny flat. my guess is they were kicked out of that home in scotland where they were living with her relatives. you’re old enough to be told the truth.
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nta... maybe they should go and buy some extra fans and another ac unit specifically for the baby, out of their own earnings, rather than depriving everyone else in the home of cool air.
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baby's don't need ac and multiple fans in their room. they can't regulate their temps as well as adults so they get cold easier and they don't sweat like adults so they get hot faster. honestly, coming from someone who lives in those temps several months of the year you need to put the ac in the most commonly used room, shut the door to the kitchen to keep cooking heat out of the rest of the house (if you have a door on your kitchen- which seems wild to me but videos on tic tok has me believing kitchen doors are common there.) put a fan at the door of each bedroom to draw the cooler air into the bedrooms.
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you and your mom should head to their house in scotland.
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nta. while i understand that the baby needs to be kept cool (newborns cannot thermo regulate like older children and adults), it’s not ok to cause the rest of the household to bake so she and the baby can stay cool. you are also right that the baby might be getting too cold especially if she is using an ac unit and 2 fans. they should return to scotland.
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nta they need to be sent back to scotland and have her family help. she’s being an entitled ah
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nta that ac thing will be making the baby cold also fans just push around warm air. im in the uk qith a ac tower and had to turn it off cos im getting cold and im a fat arsed grown woman. also if shes not careful hubby will.end up in the hospital because of her ocd with keeping the baby on ice so to speak. i think there is more going off with your aunt and shes not filling you in when it comes to why shes not going home. could be wrong im going back to lay on my wood flooring as its the right temp to be comfortable 🤣
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (18f) live with my mum (42) in a tiny flat in the city. recently my uncle (38) and his wife (29) have had a baby, and they chose to stay with us whilst they get used to the whole “parent” thing. to be honest, the whole situation has confused me from the beginning. my aunt and uncle live in scotland in a huge house, and instead of getting help from my aunt’s family who actually live there, they’ve decided to drive down to england to stay in a pokey flat with me and my mum. we didn’t ask questions, though, and just welcomed them with open arms, because that’s what families do. anyway, as some of you may know, right now in the uk, there’s a big heatwave hitting us. it’s more limited to england i think, but recently it’s been about 29c (84f) but temps are set to hit 40c (104f) which is the hottest it’s ever been over here. our homes are not equipped for heatwaves, they’re actually designed to insulate instead of keep cool, so we’re all panicking about how hot it’s going to get in the flat. my mum and i thought that my aunt and uncle would go back up to scotland where it’s cooler, but they were insistent on staying with us, so last week, we bought an air conditioning unit and some fans to keep us going. however, as of late, my aunt keeps stealing all our fans and the ac for her and the baby. “it’s too hot, we need them.” the rest of us are literally baking, including her own husband who has asthma and suffers in extreme heat, but she doesn’t seem to care or even understand that. we were trying to be accommodating at first, but now it’s actually getting beyond ridiculous. she won’t even let us use the things that we bought in our own home, which i find really selfish and unfair. it kind’ve came to a boiling point (no pun intended 🤣) this morning when she decided to take the one hand fan that i had in my room and put it in the baby’s cot because, “the baby was crying and the ac unit and the two fans weren’t enough.” i tried telling her that maybe the baby was actually too cold or maybe just hungry and that lead to an argument where she accused me of questioning her parenting, etc etc. i didn’t engage, just told her that i don’t care how she parents her child as long as she doesn’t steal from me, took my fan back, and didn’t say another word to her. aita for getting pissy? i get that she’s a first time parent and she’s worried about her baby but i don’t know, i just don’t think it justified taking my stuff. (just for some context, as far as i know nothing has happened up in scotland for them not to go back. i honestly have no idea why they want to be here when the weather is bloody minging and their house with built-in ac is empty but !!!! this is the shit i am dealing with)
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (18f) live with my mum (42) in a tiny flat in the city. recently my uncle (38) and his wife (29) have had a baby, and they chose to stay with us whilst they get used to the whole “parent” thing. to be honest, the whole situation has confused me from the beginning. my aunt and uncle live in scotland in a huge house, and instead of getting help from my aunt’s family who actually live there, they’ve decided to drive down to england to stay in a pokey flat with me and my mum. we didn’t ask questions, though, and just welcomed them with open arms, because that’s what families do. anyway, as some of you may know, right now in the uk, there’s a big heatwave hitting us. it’s more limited to england i think, but recently it’s been about 29c (84f) but temps are set to hit 40c (104f) which is the hottest it’s ever been over here. our homes are not equipped for heatwaves, they’re actually designed to insulate instead of keep cool, so we’re all panicking about how hot it’s going to get in the flat. my mum and i thought that my aunt and uncle would go back up to scotland where it’s cooler, but they were insistent on staying with us, so last week, we bought an air conditioning unit and some fans to keep us going. however, as of late, my aunt keeps stealing all our fans and the ac for her and the baby. “it’s too hot, we need them.” the rest of us are literally baking, including her own husband who has asthma and suffers in extreme heat, but she doesn’t seem to care or even understand that. we were trying to be accommodating at first, but now it’s actually getting beyond ridiculous. she won’t even let us use the things that we bought in our own home, which i find really selfish and unfair. it kind’ve came to a boiling point (no pun intended 🤣) this morning when she decided to take the one hand fan that i had in my room and put it in the baby’s cot because, “the baby was crying and the ac unit and the two fans weren’t enough.” i tried telling her that maybe the baby was actually too cold or maybe just hungry and that lead to an argument where she accused me of questioning her parenting, etc etc. i didn’t engage, just told her that i don’t care how she parents her child as long as she doesn’t steal from me, took my fan back, and didn’t say another word to her. aita for getting pissy? i get that she’s a first time parent and she’s worried about her baby but i don’t know, i just don’t think it justified taking my stuff. (just for some context, as far as i know nothing has happened up in scotland for them not to go back. i honestly have no idea why they want to be here when the weather is bloody minging and their house with built-in ac is empty but !!!! this is the shit i am dealing with) [/INST] nta as a fellow brit i can confirm it’s hot as balls and you need your fan. </s>
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AITA For telling a customer to come back when we were actually open?
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i work at a dental office. we open at 8 am. i am a supervisor so i try to be at work by 7:30 am, the earliest we (as staff) are allowed to be in the building. we usually unlock the doors for patients around 7:55 am. also for context, where i live in the us, it has started getting cold as we head into winter weather.
i get to work, change into my scrubs, and go sit at my desk, when i hear a banging on the front door. i go check, and there is a patient standing outside. by now it is too late to walk away because she sees me. this is around 7:40am. i unlock and open the door a crack to speak to her.
she says, "i have an appointment at 8am."
i respond, "okay, unfortunately we are not open yet."
she then says rudely, "i want to come inside," so i say back to her, "we are still sanitizing the building," (you know, covid-19), "and not all of our staff are here yet. i'm going to have to ask you to wait in your vehicle until our operating hours."
then she gets huffy and says, "but it's cold." i look, and she's driving a brand new car parked not 20 feet away. she agreed to wait in her car after i explained again that we can't open the doors yet, but then bad mouthed me to the doctor during her appointment. aita?
edit, more info: we have communicated to all patients that we try to keep time-spent in the waiting room to a minimum (through newsletters and posted signage). patients are given the option to show up close to their appointment time or are given the option to wait in their vehicle for us to call when we are ready for them to enter the building. we try to have patients check-in, get pre-screened, and taken back to their operatories asap. in this case, this woman would be sitting in the waiting room for 20 minutes without anyone to "supervise" her (you never know what people will do). also, i was very polite in my tone of voice, said sorry multiple times, very "customer service" mannered.
| 3,702 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jj2ddt/aita_for_telling_a_customer_to_come_back_when_we/
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2020-10-27 14:41:40
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nta. the customer is not always right. just because she showed up early doesn’t mean you have to let her in the building before you’re actually open.
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nta. my doctor’s office communicates in advance that we will not be allowed inside before our appointment time and that we should wait inside our vehicles until called. might be helpful to say that with the reminder call or text to avoid any unnecessary harassment. thank you for your work and stay safe.
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nta with covid many offices are requiring you to wait in your car, then staff will inform you when you can come in. plus your office wasn't open (you unlock 5 minutes before the first appointment which isn't unreasonable.)
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nta. who demands to go into a building these days under these circumstances? the dentist should have defended you.
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nta. you have safety protocols to follow. plus, boundaries are good
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nta. i’d be more understanding if it was like 5 mins before. but you were alone, with 20 mins till open, and covid19 is a thing, it’s completely reasonable to not let someone in under these circumstances
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the only person whose judgement matters here is your boss the dentist. tell the dentist you’d like to talk about what happened, tell your side of the story, and ask if you followed the correct procedure (which is set by your employer).
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nta that is pretty standard procedure right now to wait in your car until you are called in for appointments.
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i understand coming in earlier like 5min, but 20mins is a bit early to feel entitled to be let in when you're the first slot.
i think its impt that you were firm in not letting patients in until the building or office is properly sanitised. you play an impt role in curbing the spread of covid-19.
im torn between n ah and n ta.
info: im just wondering if the dr perhaps ask oh were you here very early? as the same patient i would have replied that yeah i was early but i wasnt let in till 7.55am. that wouldnt be bad mouthing though.
if she did actually bad mouth you, then yeah she would be ta.
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nta
my dentists office specifically tells everyone not to come earlier than 5 minutes early because of covid so the waiting rooms don’t get full. maybe it’s time to have a company policy like that.
everyone else has to wait outside.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i work at a dental office. we open at 8 am. i am a supervisor so i try to be at work by 7:30 am, the earliest we (as staff) are allowed to be in the building. we usually unlock the doors for patients around 7:55 am. also for context, where i live in the us, it has started getting cold as we head into winter weather. i get to work, change into my scrubs, and go sit at my desk, when i hear a banging on the front door. i go check, and there is a patient standing outside. by now it is too late to walk away because she sees me. this is around 7:40am. i unlock and open the door a crack to speak to her. she says, "i have an appointment at 8am." i respond, "okay, unfortunately we are not open yet." she then says rudely, "i want to come inside," so i say back to her, "we are still sanitizing the building," (you know, covid-19), "and not all of our staff are here yet. i'm going to have to ask you to wait in your vehicle until our operating hours." then she gets huffy and says, "but it's cold." i look, and she's driving a brand new car parked not 20 feet away. she agreed to wait in her car after i explained again that we can't open the doors yet, but then bad mouthed me to the doctor during her appointment. aita? edit, more info: we have communicated to all patients that we try to keep time-spent in the waiting room to a minimum (through newsletters and posted signage). patients are given the option to show up close to their appointment time or are given the option to wait in their vehicle for us to call when we are ready for them to enter the building. we try to have patients check-in, get pre-screened, and taken back to their operatories asap. in this case, this woman would be sitting in the waiting room for 20 minutes without anyone to "supervise" her (you never know what people will do). also, i was very polite in my tone of voice, said sorry multiple times, very "customer service" mannered.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i work at a dental office. we open at 8 am. i am a supervisor so i try to be at work by 7:30 am, the earliest we (as staff) are allowed to be in the building. we usually unlock the doors for patients around 7:55 am. also for context, where i live in the us, it has started getting cold as we head into winter weather. i get to work, change into my scrubs, and go sit at my desk, when i hear a banging on the front door. i go check, and there is a patient standing outside. by now it is too late to walk away because she sees me. this is around 7:40am. i unlock and open the door a crack to speak to her. she says, "i have an appointment at 8am." i respond, "okay, unfortunately we are not open yet." she then says rudely, "i want to come inside," so i say back to her, "we are still sanitizing the building," (you know, covid-19), "and not all of our staff are here yet. i'm going to have to ask you to wait in your vehicle until our operating hours." then she gets huffy and says, "but it's cold." i look, and she's driving a brand new car parked not 20 feet away. she agreed to wait in her car after i explained again that we can't open the doors yet, but then bad mouthed me to the doctor during her appointment. aita? edit, more info: we have communicated to all patients that we try to keep time-spent in the waiting room to a minimum (through newsletters and posted signage). patients are given the option to show up close to their appointment time or are given the option to wait in their vehicle for us to call when we are ready for them to enter the building. we try to have patients check-in, get pre-screened, and taken back to their operatories asap. in this case, this woman would be sitting in the waiting room for 20 minutes without anyone to "supervise" her (you never know what people will do). also, i was very polite in my tone of voice, said sorry multiple times, very "customer service" mannered. [/INST] nta. the customer is not always right. just because she showed up early doesn’t mean you have to let her in the building before you’re actually open. </s>
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AITA for not telling a friends wife his test results even though I knew he would be okay with it?
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not in the us + english is not my first language
i (f28) work at a doctors office as an office manager. i’m mostly back office but the nurses (idk if that’s the right term) will call me to the front occasionally if there’s trouble.
so a few weeks back a friend „mark“ (m34) came in for a few tests. 2 days later i get a call from the front desk saying there’s a woman who wants to speak to me and that she’s pissed. so i went to talk to her and found my friends wife „jenny“ (f32) waiting at the front desk. now jenny and i don’t like each other. i think she a controlling, manipulative b*tch and she doesn’t like that i’m friends with her husband and occasionally hug him to say goodbye or hello. she even went as far as telling my husband (m33) „to get his bitch under control“.
so as you can imagine i was surprised when she tried to hug me. i blocked her hug and reminded her there’s a pandemic. she shrugged and then told me she wants to file a complaint against the nurses at the front desk because they were rude and wouldn’t give her her husbands lab results. i asked if she had brought an authorization with his signature and his id, she said no. now knowing mark i knew he’d be completely fine with her picking up his results, but i didn’t have anything in writing and he never told us his wife would pick up anything. i explained to her the nurses did everything right and if she didn’t bring the authorization we couldn’t give her the results. she said but you know he’s my husband and i said yes, but i still need something in writing. it’s the law, i didn’t make it and i can’t make an exception just because i know her. she left very upset.
later that day i got a text from mark asking why jenny couldn’t pick up his results. i told him the same i told her and he said he kind of understood i couldn’t make an exception but there was no need to embarrass her in front of my coworkers just because i don’t like her. i asked him what he meant and apparently she told him i was super rude and mean and made fun of her for not knowing she needed to bring the authorization and told everyone where not friends and the whole office laughed at her. i told him that’s not true and explained what happened, saying he’s welcome to ask the nurses if he didn’t believe me. he knows she can be obnoxious and is overly dramatic so he believed me.
apparently after that they had a fight because she lied to him and now she’s telling all of our mutual friends what a horrible person i am and that i’m trying to split them up because i want to be with mark (i’m happily married with a child, i don’t want mark). most of them know she’s full of shit, but some said i caused unnecessary drama by not giving her the results even though i knew mark wouldn’t have a problem with it.
i’m standing firm that this is my job and i can’t break the rules or the law for anyone.
so reddit, aita?
| 1,506 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kwcfvn/aita_for_not_telling_a_friends_wife_his_test/
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2021-01-13 08:34:11
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nta
why does no one seem to understand it's the law? it's not some personal attack on his crazy wife, it's the law. it's something you and the nurse's need to follow or get into huge trouble. why on earth would you even risk it for this woman?
how are you causing any issues, this is 100% crazy wife's fault.
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nta and she sounds awful. giving her the results without authorization would have been literally illegal and could put your job at risk.
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nta
frankly, these laws are mostly in place *exactly* because of manipulative and controlling family members.
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nta. i don't know the laws in your nation but it's a serious offense in many places to give out medical info without a signed authorization. what you knew as a friend was irrelevant because you had a duty to the patient and the practice and your profession.
you also knew she was manipulative and didn't like you. so that she tried this screams that she has boundary and control issues. let mark be angry. you made the right call.
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nta - from a professional pov, you could likely have been severely reprimanded to not manage patient privacy and your staff will also see your actions as how they should work. so absolutely no issue with not handing over results.
the crazy lady was clearly wanting to shame your receptionist and was embarrassed you did not take her side.
mark really should ditch her for his own future.. but you just know that you will be blamed by the mutual friends she has recruited as supporters. be prepared to have to defend yourself as i suspect they will be breaking up and she wanted to stab you metaphorical before it happens.
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you’re bound by hipaa (or if not in the us, your country’s comparable law)! what are you supposed to do, risk massive fines and loss of not only your job but your ability to work in your entire field? cripes! nta. let your mutual friends know that she came to your office, demanded you break the law, and when you said you couldn’t do that, she went around to all of them (your friends) trying to make you look bad. nta, but she sure is.
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nta. you had legal obligations and could have gotten in trouble at work. there are reasons why there are these rules.
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nta i also don't see how you can be certain mark would have been 100% fine because if he weren't you could have been in huge legal troubles and risking your job in the middle of a pandemic is not what you want to do!
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>now she’s telling all of our mutual friends... that i’m trying to split them up
that actually sounds like a good idea. you'd be doing your friend a huge favor. she's clearly a pathological liar and relationships with pathological liars are doomed to fail. he should get out now and cut his losses.
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nta. it’s the fucking law i don’t know what she doesn’t understand
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: not in the us + english is not my first language i (f28) work at a doctors office as an office manager. i’m mostly back office but the nurses (idk if that’s the right term) will call me to the front occasionally if there’s trouble. so a few weeks back a friend „mark“ (m34) came in for a few tests. 2 days later i get a call from the front desk saying there’s a woman who wants to speak to me and that she’s pissed. so i went to talk to her and found my friends wife „jenny“ (f32) waiting at the front desk. now jenny and i don’t like each other. i think she a controlling, manipulative b*tch and she doesn’t like that i’m friends with her husband and occasionally hug him to say goodbye or hello. she even went as far as telling my husband (m33) „to get his bitch under control“. so as you can imagine i was surprised when she tried to hug me. i blocked her hug and reminded her there’s a pandemic. she shrugged and then told me she wants to file a complaint against the nurses at the front desk because they were rude and wouldn’t give her her husbands lab results. i asked if she had brought an authorization with his signature and his id, she said no. now knowing mark i knew he’d be completely fine with her picking up his results, but i didn’t have anything in writing and he never told us his wife would pick up anything. i explained to her the nurses did everything right and if she didn’t bring the authorization we couldn’t give her the results. she said but you know he’s my husband and i said yes, but i still need something in writing. it’s the law, i didn’t make it and i can’t make an exception just because i know her. she left very upset. later that day i got a text from mark asking why jenny couldn’t pick up his results. i told him the same i told her and he said he kind of understood i couldn’t make an exception but there was no need to embarrass her in front of my coworkers just because i don’t like her. i asked him what he meant and apparently she told him i was super rude and mean and made fun of her for not knowing she needed to bring the authorization and told everyone where not friends and the whole office laughed at her. i told him that’s not true and explained what happened, saying he’s welcome to ask the nurses if he didn’t believe me. he knows she can be obnoxious and is overly dramatic so he believed me. apparently after that they had a fight because she lied to him and now she’s telling all of our mutual friends what a horrible person i am and that i’m trying to split them up because i want to be with mark (i’m happily married with a child, i don’t want mark). most of them know she’s full of shit, but some said i caused unnecessary drama by not giving her the results even though i knew mark wouldn’t have a problem with it. i’m standing firm that this is my job and i can’t break the rules or the law for anyone. so reddit, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
not in the us + english is not my first language i (f28) work at a doctors office as an office manager. i’m mostly back office but the nurses (idk if that’s the right term) will call me to the front occasionally if there’s trouble. so a few weeks back a friend „mark“ (m34) came in for a few tests. 2 days later i get a call from the front desk saying there’s a woman who wants to speak to me and that she’s pissed. so i went to talk to her and found my friends wife „jenny“ (f32) waiting at the front desk. now jenny and i don’t like each other. i think she a controlling, manipulative b*tch and she doesn’t like that i’m friends with her husband and occasionally hug him to say goodbye or hello. she even went as far as telling my husband (m33) „to get his bitch under control“. so as you can imagine i was surprised when she tried to hug me. i blocked her hug and reminded her there’s a pandemic. she shrugged and then told me she wants to file a complaint against the nurses at the front desk because they were rude and wouldn’t give her her husbands lab results. i asked if she had brought an authorization with his signature and his id, she said no. now knowing mark i knew he’d be completely fine with her picking up his results, but i didn’t have anything in writing and he never told us his wife would pick up anything. i explained to her the nurses did everything right and if she didn’t bring the authorization we couldn’t give her the results. she said but you know he’s my husband and i said yes, but i still need something in writing. it’s the law, i didn’t make it and i can’t make an exception just because i know her. she left very upset. later that day i got a text from mark asking why jenny couldn’t pick up his results. i told him the same i told her and he said he kind of understood i couldn’t make an exception but there was no need to embarrass her in front of my coworkers just because i don’t like her. i asked him what he meant and apparently she told him i was super rude and mean and made fun of her for not knowing she needed to bring the authorization and told everyone where not friends and the whole office laughed at her. i told him that’s not true and explained what happened, saying he’s welcome to ask the nurses if he didn’t believe me. he knows she can be obnoxious and is overly dramatic so he believed me. apparently after that they had a fight because she lied to him and now she’s telling all of our mutual friends what a horrible person i am and that i’m trying to split them up because i want to be with mark (i’m happily married with a child, i don’t want mark). most of them know she’s full of shit, but some said i caused unnecessary drama by not giving her the results even though i knew mark wouldn’t have a problem with it. i’m standing firm that this is my job and i can’t break the rules or the law for anyone. so reddit, aita? [/INST] nta why does no one seem to understand it's the law? it's not some personal attack on his crazy wife, it's the law. it's something you and the nurse's need to follow or get into huge trouble. why on earth would you even risk it for this woman? how are you causing any issues, this is 100% crazy wife's fault. </s>
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AITA for telling my boyfriend I’m not stressing over the shade of my dress not matching his bow tie for his friends wedding?
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ok so i got a new boyfriend, together for about two months, it’s fresh i know. he invited his plus one at his friends wedding. he invited me back in may and the wedding is coming up in two weeks. i knew i needed to buy a dress, and he said he wanted my dress to match his bowtie. at first he said he wanted it to be black to match the suit but i told him i’m not wearing black to a wedding that’s bad luck and i convinced him to let me get a dress that matches his bowtie, which is pink.
my issue is that he needs the color pink to match exactly with the shade of his bowtie, which he saw once so he doesn’t really remember the exact shade of pink on his bowtie. i’ve been sending him pictures of potential dresses and asking him to pick the ones that he likes and that are similar to his bowtie. last night i sent him a couple pictures and i told him to like the ones that matched because i was going to buy the one in the morning. he liked the ones that matched, or so i assumed, i went ahead and put an order in for one of the dresses. as soon as i put the order in he’s telling me about how it might not even match and that i’m gonna look stupid and be the only one that’s not matching or according to dress code.
that’s set me off because how are you going to have me as a plus one, give me the responsibility of looking for and buying my dress, and then when i finally order the dress after getting your approval you still tell me it’s wrong.
i’m telling him that him stressing the shade of the dress matching his bowtie is stressing me out. and him telling me that i’m gonna be the only one that looks different and funny is stressing me out. and now he’s trying to say oh i never meant to stress you out and i don’t know why you’re stressing but you really shouldn’t be. i feel like this is a classic case of gaslighting, but who knows. anyways am i crazy? am i the asshole?
| 1,513 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vfubo2/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriend_im_not_stressing/
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2022-06-19 12:40:04
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nta. don't even wear pink. his tie matches the bridesmaids dress and you're gunna look like a crazy girlfriend trying to be in the wedding party too.
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nta. why are you putting up with this level of control from him when you’ve only been dating him for two months? he sounds exhausting, and his whole rationale is frankly kind of silly. he has a pink bow tie you have a pink dress, there’s 1 million shades of pink they don’t have to match exactly. frankly i don’t even understand why your dress has to matches bowtie but if that’s what they want to do fine. but his lack of courtesy and respect here is not a good luck for this early in a relationship.
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nta. is your boyfriend in the wedding or just attending? if he's in the wedding, you really shouldn't be trying to wear wedding colors to begin with.
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nta. it's not an american custom for a guest to match bowtie to dress. sounds like he thinks he's going to a prom.
you do need to go somewhere. somewhere this guy is not. i'd say this was a red flag, but in this case, it's a pink one.
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nta.
there's a lot wrong with this. it just gets worse as i read.
he wants you to match something he doesn't even know the colour of.
he's a groom's man, so matching him is going to mean you match the bride's maids at a stranger's wedding.
he's too dumb to realise what a faux pas that is, or too malicious to care.
he's already stressing you out this badly **2 months in**.
don't go to the wedding, and reconsider if he's worth it at all. at the very least, if by some miracle he's worth it, wear blue or green. thoughtless get that he is.
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this isn't an american thing, it is a dumb boyfriend thing
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um won’t the bridesmaids be matching him? for this reason i would say pink is the worst choice. where is this dress code coming from? him or the bride & groom? i would just buy a dress i like regardless of color.
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nta. he’s completely confused about this dress code (which is for people on the wedding party) and arrogant about it. skip this wedding.
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nta why are you falling for this? the tie is matched to the dress, not vice versa. you can even get a tie dyed to match. you don't buy the tie first. if he's in the wedding party, and you're not, you shouldn't be matching, but the bride can send a swatch. if he's not in the wedding party, he was supposed to get a tie to match your dress, after you got your dress. and, yeah, how the heck can you match a dress to a tie you don't have?
he may just be super insecure and inexperienced, though.
still, this is 100% on him. you're an angel for trying to accommodate him. i hope either he becomes, or you find someone, worthy of your generosity.
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this isnt a normal american thing he's just a weirdo
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok so i got a new boyfriend, together for about two months, it’s fresh i know. he invited his plus one at his friends wedding. he invited me back in may and the wedding is coming up in two weeks. i knew i needed to buy a dress, and he said he wanted my dress to match his bowtie. at first he said he wanted it to be black to match the suit but i told him i’m not wearing black to a wedding that’s bad luck and i convinced him to let me get a dress that matches his bowtie, which is pink. my issue is that he needs the color pink to match exactly with the shade of his bowtie, which he saw once so he doesn’t really remember the exact shade of pink on his bowtie. i’ve been sending him pictures of potential dresses and asking him to pick the ones that he likes and that are similar to his bowtie. last night i sent him a couple pictures and i told him to like the ones that matched because i was going to buy the one in the morning. he liked the ones that matched, or so i assumed, i went ahead and put an order in for one of the dresses. as soon as i put the order in he’s telling me about how it might not even match and that i’m gonna look stupid and be the only one that’s not matching or according to dress code. that’s set me off because how are you going to have me as a plus one, give me the responsibility of looking for and buying my dress, and then when i finally order the dress after getting your approval you still tell me it’s wrong. i’m telling him that him stressing the shade of the dress matching his bowtie is stressing me out. and him telling me that i’m gonna be the only one that looks different and funny is stressing me out. and now he’s trying to say oh i never meant to stress you out and i don’t know why you’re stressing but you really shouldn’t be. i feel like this is a classic case of gaslighting, but who knows. anyways am i crazy? am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ok so i got a new boyfriend, together for about two months, it’s fresh i know. he invited his plus one at his friends wedding. he invited me back in may and the wedding is coming up in two weeks. i knew i needed to buy a dress, and he said he wanted my dress to match his bowtie. at first he said he wanted it to be black to match the suit but i told him i’m not wearing black to a wedding that’s bad luck and i convinced him to let me get a dress that matches his bowtie, which is pink. my issue is that he needs the color pink to match exactly with the shade of his bowtie, which he saw once so he doesn’t really remember the exact shade of pink on his bowtie. i’ve been sending him pictures of potential dresses and asking him to pick the ones that he likes and that are similar to his bowtie. last night i sent him a couple pictures and i told him to like the ones that matched because i was going to buy the one in the morning. he liked the ones that matched, or so i assumed, i went ahead and put an order in for one of the dresses. as soon as i put the order in he’s telling me about how it might not even match and that i’m gonna look stupid and be the only one that’s not matching or according to dress code. that’s set me off because how are you going to have me as a plus one, give me the responsibility of looking for and buying my dress, and then when i finally order the dress after getting your approval you still tell me it’s wrong. i’m telling him that him stressing the shade of the dress matching his bowtie is stressing me out. and him telling me that i’m gonna be the only one that looks different and funny is stressing me out. and now he’s trying to say oh i never meant to stress you out and i don’t know why you’re stressing but you really shouldn’t be. i feel like this is a classic case of gaslighting, but who knows. anyways am i crazy? am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. don't even wear pink. his tie matches the bridesmaids dress and you're gunna look like a crazy girlfriend trying to be in the wedding party too. </s>
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AITA for moving out and not telling any of my relatives where i moved to.
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i (21f) do not get along with my family except for just around 4 of them for tons of reasons. i have been saving up my money for a long time to afford to rent me just a small house so i could live on my own. for background on what my family is like they are the type of people to show up to your house uninvited and take whatever they please at any moment. anyways recently they found out that i ended up moving out and called me and asked for my address so they could see what my house is like. i told them that i will not be giving out my address not letting them come over if they want to see me then i will come over to there house or we can have a family get together. they think it is wrong of me to not tell them and are talking about cutting me if i don’t allow them to come see me. so am i the asshole for not telling them where i live?
| 339 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w81jkm/aita_for_moving_out_and_not_telling_any_of_my/
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2022-07-25 21:58:20
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nta. they’re gonna cut you off if you don’t tell them where you live so they can come swipe stuff? sounds like a win to me.
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nta.
i suspect you wouldn't be doing this unless you really needed to.
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nta. when people are used to having free rein, setting healthy boundaries feels like taking something that belongs to them.
do it anyway.
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nta.
your house. your rules.
you stated you had a ton of reasons for not getting along with most of your family, soooo….protect your peace and your privacy.
congrats on the new house and move!
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nta.
giving access to yourself is a personal decision. don’t feel pressured. it sounds like you did the right thing!
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nta but if you're local they're going find you after not too long.
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> they think it is wrong of me to not tell them and are talking about cutting me if i don’t allow them to come see me.
sounds like you're headed towards a no- or low-contact situation anyway, so no big loss!
nta. find the people you consider your true family. live your life and move on. :)
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (21f) do not get along with my family except for just around 4 of them for tons of reasons. i have been saving up my money for a long time to afford to rent me just a small house so i could live on my own. for background on what my family is like they are the type of people to show up to your house uninvited and take whatever they please at any moment. anyways recently they found out that i ended up moving out and called me and asked for my address so they could see what my house is like. i told them that i will not be giving out my address not letting them come over if they want to see me then i will come over to there house or we can have a family get together. they think it is wrong of me to not tell them and are talking about cutting me if i don’t allow them to come see me. so am i the asshole for not telling them where i live?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (21f) do not get along with my family except for just around 4 of them for tons of reasons. i have been saving up my money for a long time to afford to rent me just a small house so i could live on my own. for background on what my family is like they are the type of people to show up to your house uninvited and take whatever they please at any moment. anyways recently they found out that i ended up moving out and called me and asked for my address so they could see what my house is like. i told them that i will not be giving out my address not letting them come over if they want to see me then i will come over to there house or we can have a family get together. they think it is wrong of me to not tell them and are talking about cutting me if i don’t allow them to come see me. so am i the asshole for not telling them where i live? [/INST] nta. they’re gonna cut you off if you don’t tell them where you live so they can come swipe stuff? sounds like a win to me. </s>
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AITA for not using my airline points?
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my son is in college on one coast, i live on the other. i have a a hefty amount of airline points at my disposal, mostly due to my current wife and her job. she is really generous however and we use them to fly my son back and forth and are saving them for a bucket list vacation next year.
when my kid started college my ex and i agreed that we would take turns flying him back to our side of the country for holidays and breaks to spread the cost. we live 5 hours away from each other, each have a major airport. the person that pays books to flight to their town and my son drives or we drive to see him when he is back on our side. this has worked really well.
well the ex is now refusing to get our son flights because she found out we use points. to her my flights are "free" while she has to shell out cash. (she makes over 100k a year, so it is not a matter of funds)
spring break is coming and originally my ex agreed to fly him because it is "her turn." we paid for, with points, thanksgiving and christmas. she now is saying she won't pay for anymore flights and i need to use points. not only that, she is demanding i fly him to her airport. i have told her no, that wasn't our agreement and i have been holding firm that i will not get this ticket this time.
aita?
| 2,417 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/elsqq2/aita_for_not_using_my_airline_points/
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2020-01-08 13:31:48
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nta - the points aren’t “free,” it’d be no different than if you were paying for the flights with a gift card. you are still giving up something of yours in exchange for the ticket. effectively, this money is coming out of your vacation fund.
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nta. she is being petty and somewhat entitled. if that’s the case keep flying him to your airport instead and let your ex drive.
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nta. points are same as cash. it's not her problem you have points. she's trying to pull one over on you and save money.
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nta
your wife is a saint for letting you guys use her points for your son’s travel. i’m not sure i’d be as generous in a non emergency when the kid has two perfectly capable parents. but as a sm, i’ve always kept my finances separate. child support, childcare and any other regular kid costs aside from food came out of my husband’s account—not mine.
for those of us who travel a lot for work, getting ffms is often considered part of our compensation package. so basically your wife is financing this when she could instead use it for herself. there is value to these points, it’s not really “free money”.
your ex is out of line to on top of paying for it, insist that you pay to fly him to her.
i’d tell her to pound sand. and i wouldn’t budge on this an inch.
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nta and i would use the points to go visit him instead, so the only person impacted by her actions is herself.
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nta. this is how divorce works (or should) when you’ve had a child together. you take turns paying for stuff. she is being petty.
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nta. you (or your current wife in this case) earned those points. i don't get how your ex thinks she has a right to those, is she currently sending you gift cards with her credit card points or getting you free gas with her grocery store purchases?
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tell her to use a credit card or check. that’s not cash! otherwise how each of you pay for the ticket is entirely up to you!!! nta. to what level does she want to take this? an airline voucher (for delayed or bumped flights) isn’t cash. does that count? credit card points can be used. does that count? this is just her being petty. maybe a quick resolution is just to lie. tell her ok, we’ll pay cash for the flights and still use the miles. i know on all of my stuff it never says revenue source.
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nta! stand your ground on this - those are points you could have used on other things.
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nta. you had an agreement with your ex and now she’s upset that you use your points. points aren’t endless - i travel a lot for work and save my points for larger travel plans, but it takes a while to build up. i think your current wife is generous to let you utilize her points to fly your son back and forth. points aren’t free - you have to pay for them upfront to be rewarded with them.
if you didn’t have points you’d pay cash. she’s being petty.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my son is in college on one coast, i live on the other. i have a a hefty amount of airline points at my disposal, mostly due to my current wife and her job. she is really generous however and we use them to fly my son back and forth and are saving them for a bucket list vacation next year. when my kid started college my ex and i agreed that we would take turns flying him back to our side of the country for holidays and breaks to spread the cost. we live 5 hours away from each other, each have a major airport. the person that pays books to flight to their town and my son drives or we drive to see him when he is back on our side. this has worked really well. well the ex is now refusing to get our son flights because she found out we use points. to her my flights are "free" while she has to shell out cash. (she makes over 100k a year, so it is not a matter of funds) spring break is coming and originally my ex agreed to fly him because it is "her turn." we paid for, with points, thanksgiving and christmas. she now is saying she won't pay for anymore flights and i need to use points. not only that, she is demanding i fly him to her airport. i have told her no, that wasn't our agreement and i have been holding firm that i will not get this ticket this time. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my son is in college on one coast, i live on the other. i have a a hefty amount of airline points at my disposal, mostly due to my current wife and her job. she is really generous however and we use them to fly my son back and forth and are saving them for a bucket list vacation next year. when my kid started college my ex and i agreed that we would take turns flying him back to our side of the country for holidays and breaks to spread the cost. we live 5 hours away from each other, each have a major airport. the person that pays books to flight to their town and my son drives or we drive to see him when he is back on our side. this has worked really well. well the ex is now refusing to get our son flights because she found out we use points. to her my flights are "free" while she has to shell out cash. (she makes over 100k a year, so it is not a matter of funds) spring break is coming and originally my ex agreed to fly him because it is "her turn." we paid for, with points, thanksgiving and christmas. she now is saying she won't pay for anymore flights and i need to use points. not only that, she is demanding i fly him to her airport. i have told her no, that wasn't our agreement and i have been holding firm that i will not get this ticket this time. aita? [/INST] nta - the points aren’t “free,” it’d be no different than if you were paying for the flights with a gift card. you are still giving up something of yours in exchange for the ticket. effectively, this money is coming out of your vacation fund. </s>
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AITA For sending the police to my stepsister's wedding?
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i (f32) lost my mom when i was 23. it was by far the most traumatic loss i had experienced. i just couldn't and didn't want to accept her death. it was unfair, untimely, and preventable. i got in therapy and was doing better but i had issues with my dad's new wife and her daughter who's 25 and just got married weeks ago.
we do not have a close relationship but we were cordial enough to sit at dinner tables. my stepsister treats me as a relative and was as much distant from me. but after my father got sick we had to see each other a lot. i'm handling his care while stepmom works full time and stepsister doesn't do much though she's always visiting when i moved in to help my dad.
before that i was living with my ex so returing home was just in time. i brought with me all of my mom's belongings and my stepsister showed interest in my mom's necklace and asked if she could borrow it to wear it at her wedding. i refused and she tried every method to convince me i had to put it in a place where i thought it'd be safe after my stepmother got involved.
as the wedding approached they both kept convincing me to let my stepsister have it (she bragged about affording a better one but it was a matter of showing who's in control) i stood my ground and told them how serious i was so they backed off.
i didn't attend the wedding to stay with my dad. i remember wanting to change where i was hiding the necklace while the house was empty but i found it was gone. after searching for hours, i called my stepmom and she said not to worry my stepsister took it and will return it when the wedding is over but it was clear that i won't see it til after the honeymoon since she said her daughter was staying at a hotel. i screamed at her to return it but she argued about not wanting to leave the guests and the wedding already started. i told her i'd get it myself but she forbid me from coming saying she'd have to keep me out for wanting to make a scene. i called the police and explained to them what was happening. i informed them my stepsister intended to leave for her honeymoon with my property.
the police were sent to where the wedding was being held and they were able to retrieve the necklace from my stepsister. she and my stepmom were in shock and livid. she (stepmom) returned home and kept shouting at me calling me petty and crazy to send the police to my stepsister's wedding. ruining it and humiliating them over a piece of jewelry. she was screaming at my sick dad telling him to handle me after the stunt that i pulled at the wedding. i defended myself saying i only wanted an item that belonged to me that they took without permission returned. she argued further that i could've waited to get it back but i chose to burn the bridge with my stepsister and said that she considers me dead after this. she said stuff i can't mention here but all i can say is it was a bad night.
i might have overreacted by getting the police involved but i had no gaurantee of getting the necklace back since i have experience with them in the past.
aita?
| 17,052 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ndutzs/aita_for_sending_the_police_to_my_stepsisters/
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2021-05-16 18:42:02
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nta.
don’t want the police at your wedding? don’t steal your step-sister’s necklace and then brag about it. seems easy enough to me.
op, your step family is a pit of assholes. may i suggest a safety deposit box at a bank for your precious items?
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nta
they took your late mother’s property!!!! and tried to flip it on you like you burned the bridge foh with that mess. you are not the asshole in any way, shape, or form. good riddance hopefully they never bother you again, put all your mothers things in a safe, safety deposit box, or storage unit.
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she says you are dead to her after this? well, honestly, she should be dead to you! she was in the wrong, they both were wrong! you don't want the respect of people like that, because their respect would make you wonder if you are turning out like them!
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something old,
something new,
something stolen,
boys in blue.
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nta
this is a pretty common story and it’s sickening how people feel so entitled to someone’s belongings and especially if it was left behind by a loved one. i remember reading a similar post about this where the other person stole and wore the necklace and then lost it. the bridge would’ve been burned regardless of whether you called the cops or not. you might as well show her that she’s not entitled to anything and that there were consequences.
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nta. she stole for you. your step mom can blame herself and her daughter for the wedding being raided by the police.
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[deleted]
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nta
if you don't want the police to turn up and make a scene at your wedding or any other time don't steal someone's stuff.
the entitlement of the step sister is off the scale.
anyone who spends that much time and energy manipulating you, finding out the answer is still no and then going against your wishes anyway isn't worth it.
be dead to her. someone so manipulative and down right horrid should be dead to you.
i would have demanded to press charges.
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you are my hero. i love that you don't let them walk over you. step sis and mother hopefully learned a lesson, borrowing without permission is called stealing and is against the law. i hope you press charges. keep them out of your life.
i'm very disappointed with your dad, why did he not fight for you? he enabled their entitlement to some degree.
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nta. you've definitely made a cordial relationship impossible between you two, but that's probably for the better anyway. she had no right to take the necklace and she knew it. bet if she had taken it with her to the honeymoon she would have conveniently "lost" it. basically, burn that bridge to ash, baby. i do feel sorry for your dad though, all this drama while he's sick. not your fault though.
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f32) lost my mom when i was 23. it was by far the most traumatic loss i had experienced. i just couldn't and didn't want to accept her death. it was unfair, untimely, and preventable. i got in therapy and was doing better but i had issues with my dad's new wife and her daughter who's 25 and just got married weeks ago. we do not have a close relationship but we were cordial enough to sit at dinner tables. my stepsister treats me as a relative and was as much distant from me. but after my father got sick we had to see each other a lot. i'm handling his care while stepmom works full time and stepsister doesn't do much though she's always visiting when i moved in to help my dad. before that i was living with my ex so returing home was just in time. i brought with me all of my mom's belongings and my stepsister showed interest in my mom's necklace and asked if she could borrow it to wear it at her wedding. i refused and she tried every method to convince me i had to put it in a place where i thought it'd be safe after my stepmother got involved. as the wedding approached they both kept convincing me to let my stepsister have it (she bragged about affording a better one but it was a matter of showing who's in control) i stood my ground and told them how serious i was so they backed off. i didn't attend the wedding to stay with my dad. i remember wanting to change where i was hiding the necklace while the house was empty but i found it was gone. after searching for hours, i called my stepmom and she said not to worry my stepsister took it and will return it when the wedding is over but it was clear that i won't see it til after the honeymoon since she said her daughter was staying at a hotel. i screamed at her to return it but she argued about not wanting to leave the guests and the wedding already started. i told her i'd get it myself but she forbid me from coming saying she'd have to keep me out for wanting to make a scene. i called the police and explained to them what was happening. i informed them my stepsister intended to leave for her honeymoon with my property. the police were sent to where the wedding was being held and they were able to retrieve the necklace from my stepsister. she and my stepmom were in shock and livid. she (stepmom) returned home and kept shouting at me calling me petty and crazy to send the police to my stepsister's wedding. ruining it and humiliating them over a piece of jewelry. she was screaming at my sick dad telling him to handle me after the stunt that i pulled at the wedding. i defended myself saying i only wanted an item that belonged to me that they took without permission returned. she argued further that i could've waited to get it back but i chose to burn the bridge with my stepsister and said that she considers me dead after this. she said stuff i can't mention here but all i can say is it was a bad night. i might have overreacted by getting the police involved but i had no gaurantee of getting the necklace back since i have experience with them in the past. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (f32) lost my mom when i was 23. it was by far the most traumatic loss i had experienced. i just couldn't and didn't want to accept her death. it was unfair, untimely, and preventable. i got in therapy and was doing better but i had issues with my dad's new wife and her daughter who's 25 and just got married weeks ago. we do not have a close relationship but we were cordial enough to sit at dinner tables. my stepsister treats me as a relative and was as much distant from me. but after my father got sick we had to see each other a lot. i'm handling his care while stepmom works full time and stepsister doesn't do much though she's always visiting when i moved in to help my dad. before that i was living with my ex so returing home was just in time. i brought with me all of my mom's belongings and my stepsister showed interest in my mom's necklace and asked if she could borrow it to wear it at her wedding. i refused and she tried every method to convince me i had to put it in a place where i thought it'd be safe after my stepmother got involved. as the wedding approached they both kept convincing me to let my stepsister have it (she bragged about affording a better one but it was a matter of showing who's in control) i stood my ground and told them how serious i was so they backed off. i didn't attend the wedding to stay with my dad. i remember wanting to change where i was hiding the necklace while the house was empty but i found it was gone. after searching for hours, i called my stepmom and she said not to worry my stepsister took it and will return it when the wedding is over but it was clear that i won't see it til after the honeymoon since she said her daughter was staying at a hotel. i screamed at her to return it but she argued about not wanting to leave the guests and the wedding already started. i told her i'd get it myself but she forbid me from coming saying she'd have to keep me out for wanting to make a scene. i called the police and explained to them what was happening. i informed them my stepsister intended to leave for her honeymoon with my property. the police were sent to where the wedding was being held and they were able to retrieve the necklace from my stepsister. she and my stepmom were in shock and livid. she (stepmom) returned home and kept shouting at me calling me petty and crazy to send the police to my stepsister's wedding. ruining it and humiliating them over a piece of jewelry. she was screaming at my sick dad telling him to handle me after the stunt that i pulled at the wedding. i defended myself saying i only wanted an item that belonged to me that they took without permission returned. she argued further that i could've waited to get it back but i chose to burn the bridge with my stepsister and said that she considers me dead after this. she said stuff i can't mention here but all i can say is it was a bad night. i might have overreacted by getting the police involved but i had no gaurantee of getting the necklace back since i have experience with them in the past. aita? [/INST] nta. don’t want the police at your wedding? don’t steal your step-sister’s necklace and then brag about it. seems easy enough to me. op, your step family is a pit of assholes. may i suggest a safety deposit box at a bank for your precious items? </s>
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AITA for not wanting a new office chair if I can't take my old one home?
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whole office was offered new chairs, i asked about the specs on the new chairs and they seemed pretty basic so i declined because i was one of the lucky few able to nab a really fancy one from a different office when we merged. it's one of the ones with like 10 different nobs and levers to get everything perfect.
so, they asked me to help assemble all these new chairs (like 20+) when they were delivered and they were telling everyone that if they got a new chair they could take their old one home.
one of the ladies in our office did not like the new chair once she sat in it so she opted to keep her original chair (it was not a fancy one, just wider). they offered this new chair to any of us that had not switched, nobody wanted it so i sat in it and it was quite comfortable right out of the box and did not need any adjustment. so i took it, it wasn't really any better than my other chair but the fact that i could take the other chair home was enough of a selling point to use the new chair.
now, my office mate across the hall (who has the same fancy chair already and also declined the new chairs) saw me wheeling the fancy chair into the corner of my office & decides they want my fancy chair because the color is different... (hers is more of a beige while mine was black). i told her that was fine, i'll just take the beige one home... i'm sure you see where this is going.
she says we were allowed to take "our old chairs home" and the beige one is her old chair so she will be taking it home herself... so i said nevermind, i'll just keep my chair and someone else can take the new one; she doesn't want it even if she can take the beige one home.
she says i'm an asshole...
| 320 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ctgykc/aita_for_not_wanting_a_new_office_chair_if_i_cant/
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2019-08-21 13:36:03
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nta. she doesn't get both.
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nta.
no reason to deal with a coworker operating on "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine" software.
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she should not be allowed to take her old chair home because she's not getting a new chair.
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nta she’s trying to get a free chair from you instead of the company. she’s being totally unreasonable if she won’t give you hers in exchange
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nta. she can't have her cake and eat it too.
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nta. aren't offices fun?
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nta. she just wanted to stiff you.
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nta. she's greedy.
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nta
your office mate is the ah here, she's being selfish in wanting 2 of the 'fancy chairs'.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: whole office was offered new chairs, i asked about the specs on the new chairs and they seemed pretty basic so i declined because i was one of the lucky few able to nab a really fancy one from a different office when we merged. it's one of the ones with like 10 different nobs and levers to get everything perfect. so, they asked me to help assemble all these new chairs (like 20+) when they were delivered and they were telling everyone that if they got a new chair they could take their old one home. one of the ladies in our office did not like the new chair once she sat in it so she opted to keep her original chair (it was not a fancy one, just wider). they offered this new chair to any of us that had not switched, nobody wanted it so i sat in it and it was quite comfortable right out of the box and did not need any adjustment. so i took it, it wasn't really any better than my other chair but the fact that i could take the other chair home was enough of a selling point to use the new chair. now, my office mate across the hall (who has the same fancy chair already and also declined the new chairs) saw me wheeling the fancy chair into the corner of my office & decides they want my fancy chair because the color is different... (hers is more of a beige while mine was black). i told her that was fine, i'll just take the beige one home... i'm sure you see where this is going. she says we were allowed to take "our old chairs home" and the beige one is her old chair so she will be taking it home herself... so i said nevermind, i'll just keep my chair and someone else can take the new one; she doesn't want it even if she can take the beige one home. she says i'm an asshole...
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
whole office was offered new chairs, i asked about the specs on the new chairs and they seemed pretty basic so i declined because i was one of the lucky few able to nab a really fancy one from a different office when we merged. it's one of the ones with like 10 different nobs and levers to get everything perfect. so, they asked me to help assemble all these new chairs (like 20+) when they were delivered and they were telling everyone that if they got a new chair they could take their old one home. one of the ladies in our office did not like the new chair once she sat in it so she opted to keep her original chair (it was not a fancy one, just wider). they offered this new chair to any of us that had not switched, nobody wanted it so i sat in it and it was quite comfortable right out of the box and did not need any adjustment. so i took it, it wasn't really any better than my other chair but the fact that i could take the other chair home was enough of a selling point to use the new chair. now, my office mate across the hall (who has the same fancy chair already and also declined the new chairs) saw me wheeling the fancy chair into the corner of my office & decides they want my fancy chair because the color is different... (hers is more of a beige while mine was black). i told her that was fine, i'll just take the beige one home... i'm sure you see where this is going. she says we were allowed to take "our old chairs home" and the beige one is her old chair so she will be taking it home herself... so i said nevermind, i'll just keep my chair and someone else can take the new one; she doesn't want it even if she can take the beige one home. she says i'm an asshole... [/INST] nta. she doesn't get both. </s>
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AITA For cussing my husband out for lying about Childhood trauma
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this happened about a week ago,i have known my husband for about 10 years and we got married four months ago while we were dating he told me that he had a massive fear snakes because of something his brother did to him when he was 8 now i never got to meet his brother he said that he lived out of state and his family never talked about him so i assumed that he went no contact with them now a week ago we went to go hang out with my husband‘s family when we walked in his mother was talking about how much she missed my husband’s brother now i didn’t think anything of this i thought she was just sad because he was no content with the but it turns out his brother died when he was four now from what i have gathered it was due to a medical issue that runs in the family when i found out i looked at my husband and all i saw was pure terror on his face and i just started cursing at him nonstop now it’s important to know that i’ve always love snakes i grew up in a rescue center that my family owned and we had snakes coming in almost 5 times a week so i grew up loving loving snakes and while we were dating i always talked about a corn snake that i had and how i wanted to get more because he had died when i moved in with my husband who was my boyfriend at the time. now when i was somewhere in between yelling at my husband my mother-in-law was so confused and wondering what i meant her baby had died when he was four when i told her she started yelling at my husband.aita because my husband now not talking to me saying how i shouldn’t have said that in front of his family and i should’ve waited till we got home to confront him.
| 309 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/whuge6/aita_for_cussing_my_husband_out_for_lying_about/
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2022-08-06 18:08:12
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nta. forget the snakes. that’s a massive lie. he resurrected his dead brother to avoid getting a snake.
wow.
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nta. that’s a really shitty thing to lie about & tarnish his brothers name. but i’m confused as to how you were together for 10 years & didn’t know his brother died? that’s a long time to just not know about it. are you sure your snake actually died from natural causes or did your boyfriend(now husband) kill it?
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nta i can’t believe all of the people blaming op for bringing it up in front of his mother and calling her an ah. her son died a long time ago, if he had died recently it would be different but she found out her husband lied to her and called him out. his mother should know that he’s lying about her son because at 4 years old i doubt he even remembers his brother. her husband lies to get his way instead of just telling his wife he doesn’t like snakes? what an ah!
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nta. this is a serious problem you have here. and his mother had every right to know he was lying about her dead son. to bring him up like that and vilify him is extremely concerning.
this would make me question everything.
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i'm not getting why people are y t a. i get fighting in front of the mil when she was expressing her sadness about her dead son wasn't ideal, but homeboy over in the corner lied about it for 10 years because he didn't want a pet snake? i'd be pissed too! don't lie about things like that if you don't want to be confronted about it when the truth comes out.
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this story just comes off as completely fake. i don’t see how in 10 or more years of being together, the dead brother would never have been mentioned? there were no pictures at the in-laws? he was never mentioned by the in-laws when you asked what your husband was like when he was young (standard getting to know you stuff). you never went through picture albums from your husband’s childhood? he wasn’t mentioned at your wedding? sorry just not believable.
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nta.
to lie about trauma and to place a blame on a deceased sibling (a 4 year old child) is messed up.
what was the logic behind this?
yes, a person can not like snakes but there is no need to create some fake trauma over it.
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on the vague assumption that his story could be true (i honestly dont believe it how has op not visited mom in 10 years or had no contact, how could you miss that brother died)
i'm going to say nta. normally i wouldn't support cussing a partner out immediately - but the gravity of the lie no so much justifies the scenario but excuses it somewhat.
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sounds like your husband killed your snake because he doesn’t want you to have one and came up with a lie he didn’t think youd look into further. but it is strange that you didn’t know about his brother after being married for so long. what else may he have lied about to avoid talking to you about? weird situation if true. nta
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.04134 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this happened about a week ago,i have known my husband for about 10 years and we got married four months ago while we were dating he told me that he had a massive fear snakes because of something his brother did to him when he was 8 now i never got to meet his brother he said that he lived out of state and his family never talked about him so i assumed that he went no contact with them now a week ago we went to go hang out with my husband‘s family when we walked in his mother was talking about how much she missed my husband’s brother now i didn’t think anything of this i thought she was just sad because he was no content with the but it turns out his brother died when he was four now from what i have gathered it was due to a medical issue that runs in the family when i found out i looked at my husband and all i saw was pure terror on his face and i just started cursing at him nonstop now it’s important to know that i’ve always love snakes i grew up in a rescue center that my family owned and we had snakes coming in almost 5 times a week so i grew up loving loving snakes and while we were dating i always talked about a corn snake that i had and how i wanted to get more because he had died when i moved in with my husband who was my boyfriend at the time. now when i was somewhere in between yelling at my husband my mother-in-law was so confused and wondering what i meant her baby had died when he was four when i told her she started yelling at my husband.aita because my husband now not talking to me saying how i shouldn’t have said that in front of his family and i should’ve waited till we got home to confront him.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this happened about a week ago,i have known my husband for about 10 years and we got married four months ago while we were dating he told me that he had a massive fear snakes because of something his brother did to him when he was 8 now i never got to meet his brother he said that he lived out of state and his family never talked about him so i assumed that he went no contact with them now a week ago we went to go hang out with my husband‘s family when we walked in his mother was talking about how much she missed my husband’s brother now i didn’t think anything of this i thought she was just sad because he was no content with the but it turns out his brother died when he was four now from what i have gathered it was due to a medical issue that runs in the family when i found out i looked at my husband and all i saw was pure terror on his face and i just started cursing at him nonstop now it’s important to know that i’ve always love snakes i grew up in a rescue center that my family owned and we had snakes coming in almost 5 times a week so i grew up loving loving snakes and while we were dating i always talked about a corn snake that i had and how i wanted to get more because he had died when i moved in with my husband who was my boyfriend at the time. now when i was somewhere in between yelling at my husband my mother-in-law was so confused and wondering what i meant her baby had died when he was four when i told her she started yelling at my husband.aita because my husband now not talking to me saying how i shouldn’t have said that in front of his family and i should’ve waited till we got home to confront him. [/INST] nta. forget the snakes. that’s a massive lie. he resurrected his dead brother to avoid getting a snake. wow. </s>
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AITA For Not Telling Daughter to Put Top On
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its getting really hot where i am. ac is not always a solution. me and my son have been going shirtless around the house a lot due to this. even before this we would often be shirtless. my daughter [18f] asked me if she could also go topless around the house and i told her she can wear whatever makes her comfortable so yes. we are in the united states but i've never tried to teach that breasts are inherently sexual so i was happy she felt comfortable enough here to ask if she could dress how she pleases.
the heat has gotten a bit better but she still is topless sometimes. she also has started occasionally walking from one room to another naked while getting ready or leaving her room if she wakes up at night to grab something without getting dressed again. this is something my son has already been doing every now and again.
the mother of my children got here early to find me, my son, and my daughter all sitting on the couch at the table and playing cards. me and my son were shirtless and my daughter was topless only wearing shorts.
their mom was picking them up. my daughter told me that her mom called her slutty for being topless which enraged me. when i confonted her about it, she told me that she and her friends agree i need to tell her to put a shirt on.
| 4,781 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i3zioi/aita_for_not_telling_daughter_to_put_top_on/
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2020-08-05 05:27:28
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nta. her mom called her slutty for being topless at home in front of her dad and brother?! like what, she’s trying to seduce you two? fuckkkkk that. personally i wouldn’t feel comfortable being topless but it is so far from being slutty.
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nta?
it doesn’t seem like you did anything wrong although it does seem a bit odd
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hey look it’s “erotic fiction dad with his naked 18 year old daughter”
like every two weeks he shows up as a dad who:
- bathes his injured naked 18 year old daughter
- allows his 18 year old daughter to be naked or topless in the house or garden
then in his story someone has a problem with this and he says his daughter has every right to be naked. or it’s not weird to be bathing his naked 18 year old daughter. the world is just assuming it’s creepy.
everyone rushes in to tell him he’s right. then a couple of weeks later we’re back with another scenario. one of our frequent fliers here. wish he’d get new material though
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nta. i personally find it a little odd and wouldn’t do it myself (but also i’m american and we’re taught to be weird about nudity), but you and your daughter are both comfortable with this arrangement and there is no sexual component. it’s no one else’s business outside of that.
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nta. you’ve done nothing wrong. it’s not really the norm, but neither is it unheard of with households that don’t make a big deal out of nudity. your daughter should be able to act however she’s comfortable with in her home. her mom calling her ‘slutty’? yeah, think we’ve found the asshole of the story.
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nta-a parent calling their child slutty is automatically an asshole. you’re doing nothing wrong by treating your daughter as you would your son when it comes to partial nudity and comfort.
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nta but it is weird lol
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yeah there’s no way this actually happened unless you are straight up nudists.
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yta. this is weird and you know it. reddit is really a virtual hippy commune.
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bruh. i get the whole "free the boobs" thing, as it really shouldn't be stigmatized, but damn. playing cards with your top topless adult daughter is fucking weird and you *know* it is. i'm calling esh on this one.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
YTA
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ESH
| 0.147002 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: its getting really hot where i am. ac is not always a solution. me and my son have been going shirtless around the house a lot due to this. even before this we would often be shirtless. my daughter [18f] asked me if she could also go topless around the house and i told her she can wear whatever makes her comfortable so yes. we are in the united states but i've never tried to teach that breasts are inherently sexual so i was happy she felt comfortable enough here to ask if she could dress how she pleases. the heat has gotten a bit better but she still is topless sometimes. she also has started occasionally walking from one room to another naked while getting ready or leaving her room if she wakes up at night to grab something without getting dressed again. this is something my son has already been doing every now and again. the mother of my children got here early to find me, my son, and my daughter all sitting on the couch at the table and playing cards. me and my son were shirtless and my daughter was topless only wearing shorts. their mom was picking them up. my daughter told me that her mom called her slutty for being topless which enraged me. when i confonted her about it, she told me that she and her friends agree i need to tell her to put a shirt on.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
its getting really hot where i am. ac is not always a solution. me and my son have been going shirtless around the house a lot due to this. even before this we would often be shirtless. my daughter [18f] asked me if she could also go topless around the house and i told her she can wear whatever makes her comfortable so yes. we are in the united states but i've never tried to teach that breasts are inherently sexual so i was happy she felt comfortable enough here to ask if she could dress how she pleases. the heat has gotten a bit better but she still is topless sometimes. she also has started occasionally walking from one room to another naked while getting ready or leaving her room if she wakes up at night to grab something without getting dressed again. this is something my son has already been doing every now and again. the mother of my children got here early to find me, my son, and my daughter all sitting on the couch at the table and playing cards. me and my son were shirtless and my daughter was topless only wearing shorts. their mom was picking them up. my daughter told me that her mom called her slutty for being topless which enraged me. when i confonted her about it, she told me that she and her friends agree i need to tell her to put a shirt on. [/INST] nta. her mom called her slutty for being topless at home in front of her dad and brother?! like what, she’s trying to seduce you two? fuckkkkk that. personally i wouldn’t feel comfortable being topless but it is so far from being slutty. </s>
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AITA For Going On A Trip Over My Youngest Daughters Birthday?
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so, i know the title above screams “asshole,” but hear me out. i’ve had a trip planned for awhile to go on a trip over a few certain days with my oldest son, and possibly my wife. (the trip has not been paid for yet, but we’ve had the idea to go for awhile.)
i have two daughters, who would not go, for the reason being they’re both underage. my son, is over 18, therefore he’d be able to drink and go to the club etc.
well, my trip just happens to fall on my youngest’s birthday. her birthday is on a monday, and we plan to leave the weekend before. so we are not specifically leaving on her exact birthday, and would return a day or two after her birthday has occurred. she’ll be turning 12.
the reason i want to leave and be gone on those certain days is because one of my son and i’s favorite artist will be preforming for 3 days there. i really do not want to miss it, and i figure my daughter will get over the birthday thing since there’ll be many more we can celebrate with her! this concert is kind of a once and a lifetime thing for me.
i have told her that we can have her party after we return, so there’s nothing she’d really be missing out on her actual birthday. now, i’ve even told her that her grandparents will come see her etc.
my oldest daughter, and youngest have told me (basically) i am the asshole, and i could leave/stay a few days to make sure i make the birthday; and can see at least one night of the concert. but the thing is, the concert is basically a series. if i miss two days there’s no reason to even go.
they’ve also said i should want to stay with my daughter on her special day, rather than chose a concert. i am in no way trying to chose a concert over my daughter, though. seeing as there’ll be other birthdays; no other concerts like this one.
so, reddit, aita for wanting to go on a one and a lifetime trip, rather than miss just one of my daughters birthdays?
| 398 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/enf00p/aita_for_going_on_a_trip_over_my_youngest/
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2020-01-11 23:11:01
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yta. take all your kids to mexico and have alternate activities for the younger one. that way you guys can see the concert and you can spend the 12-year old's b-day with her. problem solved
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yta. you are showing clear favoritism towards your son by taking him to mexico without your other kids. they are going to resent you for it for a very long time (and rightfully so).
god damn, even considering going is some piss poor parenting.
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> i am in no way trying to chose a concert over my daughter, though
except you are. you are showing that your children come second place to your own wants. they will remember it and your relationship with them will be forever changed.
yta
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yta. you planned the trip awhile in advance either knowingly or unknowingly during your daughter's birthday. you're an asshole for either of those options and you're favoring your son too. good parenting there.
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yta just so we are clear, you are saying a concert is more important than your daughter?
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yta. your arguments might sound fine and logical to you but choosing not to be in the same country as your daughter on her birthday because you’d rather spend it with your son doing dad and son things is a giant dick move that reeks of selfishness and favouritism and will not be well received by your daughter. have you considered actually listening to how she feels about it? i’m guessing not, because you want to arm yourself with an overwhelming nta from internet strangers before you tell your daughter your plan lol
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sorry but i think yta here. you are choosing this concert over your daughter’s birthday and for a 12 year old i imagine that might hit quite hard.
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[deleted]
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yta. you are prioritizing your fun over your kid. just bring everyone to mexico. just because she can't drink or club doesn't mean she won't have fun. you and your son can go to the concerts and your wife and the two other kids can have their fun.
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>i figure my daughter will get over the birthday thing since there'll be many more we can celebrate with her!
she might get over it, she might not. she won't forget it and is unlikely to completely forgive you, ever.
yta
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, i know the title above screams “asshole,” but hear me out. i’ve had a trip planned for awhile to go on a trip over a few certain days with my oldest son, and possibly my wife. (the trip has not been paid for yet, but we’ve had the idea to go for awhile.) i have two daughters, who would not go, for the reason being they’re both underage. my son, is over 18, therefore he’d be able to drink and go to the club etc. well, my trip just happens to fall on my youngest’s birthday. her birthday is on a monday, and we plan to leave the weekend before. so we are not specifically leaving on her exact birthday, and would return a day or two after her birthday has occurred. she’ll be turning 12. the reason i want to leave and be gone on those certain days is because one of my son and i’s favorite artist will be preforming for 3 days there. i really do not want to miss it, and i figure my daughter will get over the birthday thing since there’ll be many more we can celebrate with her! this concert is kind of a once and a lifetime thing for me. i have told her that we can have her party after we return, so there’s nothing she’d really be missing out on her actual birthday. now, i’ve even told her that her grandparents will come see her etc. my oldest daughter, and youngest have told me (basically) i am the asshole, and i could leave/stay a few days to make sure i make the birthday; and can see at least one night of the concert. but the thing is, the concert is basically a series. if i miss two days there’s no reason to even go. they’ve also said i should want to stay with my daughter on her special day, rather than chose a concert. i am in no way trying to chose a concert over my daughter, though. seeing as there’ll be other birthdays; no other concerts like this one. so, reddit, aita for wanting to go on a one and a lifetime trip, rather than miss just one of my daughters birthdays?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so, i know the title above screams “asshole,” but hear me out. i’ve had a trip planned for awhile to go on a trip over a few certain days with my oldest son, and possibly my wife. (the trip has not been paid for yet, but we’ve had the idea to go for awhile.) i have two daughters, who would not go, for the reason being they’re both underage. my son, is over 18, therefore he’d be able to drink and go to the club etc. well, my trip just happens to fall on my youngest’s birthday. her birthday is on a monday, and we plan to leave the weekend before. so we are not specifically leaving on her exact birthday, and would return a day or two after her birthday has occurred. she’ll be turning 12. the reason i want to leave and be gone on those certain days is because one of my son and i’s favorite artist will be preforming for 3 days there. i really do not want to miss it, and i figure my daughter will get over the birthday thing since there’ll be many more we can celebrate with her! this concert is kind of a once and a lifetime thing for me. i have told her that we can have her party after we return, so there’s nothing she’d really be missing out on her actual birthday. now, i’ve even told her that her grandparents will come see her etc. my oldest daughter, and youngest have told me (basically) i am the asshole, and i could leave/stay a few days to make sure i make the birthday; and can see at least one night of the concert. but the thing is, the concert is basically a series. if i miss two days there’s no reason to even go. they’ve also said i should want to stay with my daughter on her special day, rather than chose a concert. i am in no way trying to chose a concert over my daughter, though. seeing as there’ll be other birthdays; no other concerts like this one. so, reddit, aita for wanting to go on a one and a lifetime trip, rather than miss just one of my daughters birthdays? [/INST] yta. take all your kids to mexico and have alternate activities for the younger one. that way you guys can see the concert and you can spend the 12-year old's b-day with her. problem solved </s>
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AITA for not allowing my mum decide how much I put into my savings?
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so i'm 19 and am transitioning from a part time role to full time role at my job. after telling my parents about this they advised me that when i'm working full time i would have to pay rent to live in my house with them to help cover bills. i agreed (reluctantly) that this was fair as moving out isn't an option where i live due to a high cost of living. my parents are fairly well off and really have never struggled for money for me and my 2 sisters.
today my mum comes to me and states that she wants me to pay her rent of £150 along with putting £500 each month into my savings account. this would leave me with the same amount of "disposable income" as i have had previously working part time. this annoyed me as i felt like she was deciding what i could do with my money that i earn. the rent price is hers to decide (£150 is a fair price) but choosing the amount that i put into savings i feel is dictating my life a little too much.
this sparked a debate about how she would put up the rent if i was to put less into savings, and put it into my savings anyway basically leaving me stuck having to pay the amount she set.
&#x200b;
i get that my parents are trying to help me and my future and i'm grateful for this but, i agreed to put some into savings but feel like them deciding the amounts on money that i earned is a bit much. am i the asshole for pushing back on them?
| 244 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cozdej/aita_for_not_allowing_my_mum_decide_how_much_i/
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2019-08-11 17:11:59
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nta, but she’s got a point and if you can put that much away for a couple of years, you’ll be far ahead of most people. maybe you can negotiate with her and go with 400 into savings.
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nah - it may seem like she’s trying to control your life but you will thank her later, my mom did this for me and it has helped me so much in the long run. i have still stuck to her way of allowing myself an “allowance” out of my income. she didn’t do this with my sister and she still struggles to manage her money. you will thank her later, promise.
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nah
in a slightly overbearing way she is preparing you for the future. so many people, especially young people, put off any kind of savings plan and get fucked hard with emergencies. if, after all the saving and rent, have the same amount of money free that you did when you were working part time, that's pretty good. pretend that money doesn't exist. i've done that in the past multiple times after paying something off. i add what i was paying into my monthly savings and saved quite a bit up over time.
it's ultimately your call obviously, but it's not a terrible plan.
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150 per month is easy living if your working full time, does your mum have access to your savings? if so change that, and just ignore her, you pay rent to her so she is not entitled to dictate your life, but if you do put 500 a month away, in a couple of years you will be laughing when you have a silly amount of savings but it's up to you man, not your mum
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she's making that rule so you can afford to move out at some point. thank of it as paying 650 rent (still probably a less than you would be paying by the sounds of things) and you get most of it back when you leave.
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nta, part of being an adult is figuring out these things for yourself.
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yta - the rent is hers to decide and she's not being a dick about it. she can attach extra conditions to it if she likes. if you don't like it move out and £650 for a room in a stranger's house.
trust me, once you move out you'll miss all the stuff your parents did for you and life is expensive. learning good habits now will really help in the long run.
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nah - but you are sounding a little entitled. a room in a shared house would cost in the region of £400 then there’s bills to consider too, so paying £150 to your parents in rent is a paltry sum and you know it.
i bet this includes all bills and your parents also do most of the housework and buy all the cleaning products and food shopping too - mums always cook and then also do the laundry and change the bedsheets too.
think about it - what do you really want to spend the £500 they want you to save on? new clothes? a few nights out? a holiday? none of this is really that important. if you don’t save in a few years you’ll have nothing to show for your hard work except for a few dodgy instagram pictures and it will be too comfortable for you to ever leave.
either you suck it up and do as they ask, or you leave now and pay the market rates for rent etc and spend your disposable income as you wish..... if you want to go on a holiday then use your savings. don’t go crazy just because you’ve had your first proper payslip
| null | null |
NTA
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NAH
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NAH
| null | null |
NTA
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YTA
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NAH
| null | null | 0.228617 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i'm 19 and am transitioning from a part time role to full time role at my job. after telling my parents about this they advised me that when i'm working full time i would have to pay rent to live in my house with them to help cover bills. i agreed (reluctantly) that this was fair as moving out isn't an option where i live due to a high cost of living. my parents are fairly well off and really have never struggled for money for me and my 2 sisters. today my mum comes to me and states that she wants me to pay her rent of £150 along with putting £500 each month into my savings account. this would leave me with the same amount of "disposable income" as i have had previously working part time. this annoyed me as i felt like she was deciding what i could do with my money that i earn. the rent price is hers to decide (£150 is a fair price) but choosing the amount that i put into savings i feel is dictating my life a little too much. this sparked a debate about how she would put up the rent if i was to put less into savings, and put it into my savings anyway basically leaving me stuck having to pay the amount she set. &#x200b; i get that my parents are trying to help me and my future and i'm grateful for this but, i agreed to put some into savings but feel like them deciding the amounts on money that i earned is a bit much. am i the asshole for pushing back on them?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i'm 19 and am transitioning from a part time role to full time role at my job. after telling my parents about this they advised me that when i'm working full time i would have to pay rent to live in my house with them to help cover bills. i agreed (reluctantly) that this was fair as moving out isn't an option where i live due to a high cost of living. my parents are fairly well off and really have never struggled for money for me and my 2 sisters. today my mum comes to me and states that she wants me to pay her rent of £150 along with putting £500 each month into my savings account. this would leave me with the same amount of "disposable income" as i have had previously working part time. this annoyed me as i felt like she was deciding what i could do with my money that i earn. the rent price is hers to decide (£150 is a fair price) but choosing the amount that i put into savings i feel is dictating my life a little too much. this sparked a debate about how she would put up the rent if i was to put less into savings, and put it into my savings anyway basically leaving me stuck having to pay the amount she set. &#x200b; i get that my parents are trying to help me and my future and i'm grateful for this but, i agreed to put some into savings but feel like them deciding the amounts on money that i earned is a bit much. am i the asshole for pushing back on them? [/INST] nta, but she’s got a point and if you can put that much away for a couple of years, you’ll be far ahead of most people. maybe you can negotiate with her and go with 400 into savings. </s>
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AITA for choosing my niece over my brother after we all learned she wasn’t his?
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over a year ago my brother found out my niece -who was 6 at the time- was not his biological daughter. something his b*tch of an ex girlfriend had lied to him about. after finding out he basically cut of all contact with his ex and my niece. moved out of their shared apartment and refused to have anything else to do with them. i (30m) have mixed feelings about that but i wasn’t the one cheated on or lied to so i can’t say i understand his complicated emotions.
the rest of my family (like my parents and other siblings) also cut off all contact. so basically the only family my niece knew her entire life were not involved anymore. it didn’t feel right for me to do that too. i’ve loved my niece since the day she was born. i’m her godfather and everything, even if we’re not biologically related the idea of not being in her life anymore hurt.
so i stuck around. my brother was always against me still being involved but in the end it became one of those things we don’t have a problem with as long as we don’t talk about it. even if i hated having to interact with her mom, i still got to spend time with my niece and take her out.
before all this happened, my niece’s mom has been struggling with health problems and now we’re learning that her time is limited.
she herself has no other family so she’s asking if i’d take over as my niece’s legal guardian once she’s not here anymore. we haven’t started the legal process yet but i’ve already agreed i’ll take care of her.
my parents are completely against this since it means my niece will be in my life permanently and i’d be an awful person for putting my brother in that kind of position. i’d never force them to meet but it does mean from now on i’d have to keep distance from him since he still wants nothing to do with her.
my brother found out about this too and he’s furious. i’ve gotten an earful from him about how i’m the worst brother ever, and a selfish shit for taking in the one person he wants no involvement with.
honestly i knew this would not make him happy at all, but the level of hate i’m getting from my family is not what i expected. i really can’t see myself not taking her in because it’s either me or foster care. so when he gave me that ultimatum, him or her, i ended up going for her.
still haven’t heard the end of it from everyone else for betraying my brother again like his ex did. it’s getting harder and harder to not feel like a total asshole for doing this and not sure anymore. aita
| 7,932 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n1hqr8/aita_for_choosing_my_niece_over_my_brother_after/
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2021-04-29 23:57:18
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nta. that little girl needs one adult who loves her unconditionally, and that's you.
anyone who chooses to send you hate over this loving choice can go pound salt. you made the best choice you possibly could, and you can cut anyone out of your life who doesn't support you.
good on ya, op. well done you.
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nta at all. you are putting a child's needs first. and whether related or not, you have a bond with the child. it's understandable that your brother is having a hard time with all of it, and by proxy that your family is too. but how could they all so quickly and easily turn their back on a child they had presumably treated like family for 6 years?!
is your brother named on the birth certificate? was a dna test done to confirm he's not the father?
either way, if your family wants you to pick sides, it sounds like your niece is going to have an amazing guardian who doesn't have to deal with extended family anymore.
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nta everyone's anger here is misplaced but yours. i understand your brother having complicated feelings about this but his daughter, this child he raised for 6 years he abandoned. your parents abandoned their grandchild. what her mother did was inexcusable but her daughter is paying the price and that is not fair, she is literally a child. again, i understand your families complicated feelings however they need to get over themselves. there was a time that they loved this child and this child was their family. how dare they be upset with you for not turning your back on her and for being there for her when she needs it. they'd rather she go into foster care because they are mad at her mother. they need to grow up. family isn't just blood.
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nah. you are doing a good thing, but that doesn't negate the fact that this is probably the most painful thing that has ever happened to your brother in his life, probably fucked him up long term, and he can't be completely free of this in order to move on because of you.
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nta. blood or not, your brother abandoned this girl. he's the father she knew and i guarantee he hurt her more than his ex hurt him. and i don't get how he could just "turn off" his love for her, anyway. honestly, that's alarming.
i'm so grateful to hear she'll have you. thank you for being the parent she does deserve, but i'm sorry you're getting such heat for it. so grateful to know you're gonna do right by her anyway.
god, if you listened to your brother, he'd have her abandoned twice. first by him, then given to foster care. that's just so heartless.
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nta. and i’m going to be honest here, the fact that your brother raised this child for six years as his own daughter and now wants her to go into the foster care system just to preserve his own feelings and pride makes me think that he’s not a great person tbqh. terrible things happen to children in foster care. terrible. i know this firsthand. i would not wish that on anyone for any reason. i certainly wouldn’t inflict it on a child i’d known since she was born just because her parent had cheated on me. how selfish is he?
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nah obviously the little girl is innocent but that doesn’t mean your brother can ever feel the same about her again. every time he looks at her he will see the biggest betrayal of his life. she’s not his daughter. but at the same time he shouldn’t be mad at you for stepping up. although i understand why he wishes he could just pretend like this never happened and not have to see her ever again.
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info: so where is the bio dad? wouldn’t he be next of kin?
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i would go with the unpopular nah..
what you are trying to do by giving your niece a home is absolutely wonderful but..
i do get where your brother is coming from because depending on how he expresses his grief over this situation he is some what pinning that on the child. is it right? no. but are his feelings of hurt and betrayal valid? yes.
i would suggest having a very open conversation with your brother and family but separately.. see if there is any middle ground/therapy and also if it has been a few years why is this still bothering him or is he past the cheating.
it's very easy to cut off people but takes a lot to maintain relationships. see if there's anything left to save before going nc.
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nta - he was the only father this child had ever known and while i can't fault him for being angry over having been deceived, he's a grown man and shouldn't be taking his anger out on the child.
no one's even asking him to step up and be her father again - but he's trying to make sure she's left alone in the world and put in foster care?!?
that's evil.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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INFO
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NAH
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NTA
| 0.020963 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: over a year ago my brother found out my niece -who was 6 at the time- was not his biological daughter. something his b*tch of an ex girlfriend had lied to him about. after finding out he basically cut of all contact with his ex and my niece. moved out of their shared apartment and refused to have anything else to do with them. i (30m) have mixed feelings about that but i wasn’t the one cheated on or lied to so i can’t say i understand his complicated emotions. the rest of my family (like my parents and other siblings) also cut off all contact. so basically the only family my niece knew her entire life were not involved anymore. it didn’t feel right for me to do that too. i’ve loved my niece since the day she was born. i’m her godfather and everything, even if we’re not biologically related the idea of not being in her life anymore hurt. so i stuck around. my brother was always against me still being involved but in the end it became one of those things we don’t have a problem with as long as we don’t talk about it. even if i hated having to interact with her mom, i still got to spend time with my niece and take her out. before all this happened, my niece’s mom has been struggling with health problems and now we’re learning that her time is limited. she herself has no other family so she’s asking if i’d take over as my niece’s legal guardian once she’s not here anymore. we haven’t started the legal process yet but i’ve already agreed i’ll take care of her. my parents are completely against this since it means my niece will be in my life permanently and i’d be an awful person for putting my brother in that kind of position. i’d never force them to meet but it does mean from now on i’d have to keep distance from him since he still wants nothing to do with her. my brother found out about this too and he’s furious. i’ve gotten an earful from him about how i’m the worst brother ever, and a selfish shit for taking in the one person he wants no involvement with. honestly i knew this would not make him happy at all, but the level of hate i’m getting from my family is not what i expected. i really can’t see myself not taking her in because it’s either me or foster care. so when he gave me that ultimatum, him or her, i ended up going for her. still haven’t heard the end of it from everyone else for betraying my brother again like his ex did. it’s getting harder and harder to not feel like a total asshole for doing this and not sure anymore. aita
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
over a year ago my brother found out my niece -who was 6 at the time- was not his biological daughter. something his b*tch of an ex girlfriend had lied to him about. after finding out he basically cut of all contact with his ex and my niece. moved out of their shared apartment and refused to have anything else to do with them. i (30m) have mixed feelings about that but i wasn’t the one cheated on or lied to so i can’t say i understand his complicated emotions. the rest of my family (like my parents and other siblings) also cut off all contact. so basically the only family my niece knew her entire life were not involved anymore. it didn’t feel right for me to do that too. i’ve loved my niece since the day she was born. i’m her godfather and everything, even if we’re not biologically related the idea of not being in her life anymore hurt. so i stuck around. my brother was always against me still being involved but in the end it became one of those things we don’t have a problem with as long as we don’t talk about it. even if i hated having to interact with her mom, i still got to spend time with my niece and take her out. before all this happened, my niece’s mom has been struggling with health problems and now we’re learning that her time is limited. she herself has no other family so she’s asking if i’d take over as my niece’s legal guardian once she’s not here anymore. we haven’t started the legal process yet but i’ve already agreed i’ll take care of her. my parents are completely against this since it means my niece will be in my life permanently and i’d be an awful person for putting my brother in that kind of position. i’d never force them to meet but it does mean from now on i’d have to keep distance from him since he still wants nothing to do with her. my brother found out about this too and he’s furious. i’ve gotten an earful from him about how i’m the worst brother ever, and a selfish shit for taking in the one person he wants no involvement with. honestly i knew this would not make him happy at all, but the level of hate i’m getting from my family is not what i expected. i really can’t see myself not taking her in because it’s either me or foster care. so when he gave me that ultimatum, him or her, i ended up going for her. still haven’t heard the end of it from everyone else for betraying my brother again like his ex did. it’s getting harder and harder to not feel like a total asshole for doing this and not sure anymore. aita [/INST] nta. that little girl needs one adult who loves her unconditionally, and that's you. anyone who chooses to send you hate over this loving choice can go pound salt. you made the best choice you possibly could, and you can cut anyone out of your life who doesn't support you. good on ya, op. well done you. </s>
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AITA for telling my dad his girlfriends comments bothered me?
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so my parents got a divorce last may (so a year ago) and a lot happened since then that pretty much f***ed up my sisters and i.
my dad got a new girlfriend in a heartbeat and wanted us to basically be best friends with her right away. she’s actually really nice and fun to hangout with, but she makes little comments about my mom every so often that bothers me.
when i came home from work one day she was standing in our driveway laughing with my dad at a piece of paper. she walked up to me and showed it to me laughing because it was a marriage certificate from their church 25 years ago (my mom and dad) and i guess churches then gave out a sort of report card saying how likely it is for this marriage to get a divorce and actually gave grades for each section. she explained that to me, showed me the paper and then said jokingly “according to this they never should have gotten married!”.
she makes comments like this a lot and they just don’t sit right with me. i’m not that close with her to be joking around about my mom and their divorce and so on. that stung a little and for some reason made me really upset that day. i told my therapist who told me to talk to my dad about it.
he basically said i took it the wrong way, i’m too sensitive, but he understands and will talk to her about it. my dad and i discusses how he should mention this to her without making it a big deal, just to say how it stung a little and i don’t like to hear her and my dad talk about my mom as a joke (other comments of theirs did this as well, not just the report card one).
later that night he calls he saying that his girlfriend is now crying because she didn’t mean to come off like that, i upset her a lot, she just wants to be close to us, and that if i had a problem with something she said then i should have told her in the moment or talked to her separately and not have gotten my dad involved. he told her way more of what i said on my one on one conversation with him than he said he would when him and i talked about how to approach it with her. he told me it would be a good idea to text her and talk to her about all of this because she’s crying and that she can “read between the lines”.
aita??
| 813 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/grf1nw/aita_for_telling_my_dad_his_girlfriends_comments/
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2020-05-27 07:26:09
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nta. your dad and his gf sounds insecure in their new relationship.
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nta
the new gf shouldn't be making any comments about your mother - that really crosses a line!
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nta. why did she think making those comments were okay? unless you’ve told her that you didn’t like your mom or something, there was no reason for her to say it. your dad also made things worse by telling her too much.
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nta- rule one of successful co-parenting after divorce: you don’t talk shit about the other parent - that includes advising anyone you date that that’s not on. your father is the parent - you are the child- he needs to behave like the parent and follow rule one.
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nta. why on earth did she think joking about your mum and dad’s relationship would be a great way to bond with you?
she is massively insecure.
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nta - you shouldn't be made to feel bad about your own mother by your dad's new partner.
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nta
you didn’t list ages, but you’re the child in this situation even if you’re 18 or older. the parents and the people they’re dating are supposed to be adults, and show the emotional maturity of adults. dad’s gf is playing high school mean girl games trying to be cool by insulting the ex, and is now embarrassed to be called out over how bitchy that is to do in actual adult relationships. that’s on her, not you.
on top of that, what gf is doing is called parental alienation, and in some jurisdictions can be explicitly banned by the divorce agreement or even considered child abuse. it actively hurts kids to hear someone tear down their parents.
finally, both dad and his gf are assholes for putting the burden of calling gf out on you. you’re the kid, and you’re the one dealing with the emotional upheaval of your parents splitting and your dad moving on. they’re being insensitive and unrealistic to think there’s any real chance of you accepting a new gf this quickly, and deeply unfair to expect you to call out inappropriate behavior in real time. going to your dad as an intermediary was the right choice.
and if your dad sucks at being a communications go-between smoothing out the relationship between his kids and his gf? maybe he should take that as a sign he’s pushing too hard and too fast, back off, and let his parenting time be with just you until all of this is less raw.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my parents got a divorce last may (so a year ago) and a lot happened since then that pretty much f***ed up my sisters and i. my dad got a new girlfriend in a heartbeat and wanted us to basically be best friends with her right away. she’s actually really nice and fun to hangout with, but she makes little comments about my mom every so often that bothers me. when i came home from work one day she was standing in our driveway laughing with my dad at a piece of paper. she walked up to me and showed it to me laughing because it was a marriage certificate from their church 25 years ago (my mom and dad) and i guess churches then gave out a sort of report card saying how likely it is for this marriage to get a divorce and actually gave grades for each section. she explained that to me, showed me the paper and then said jokingly “according to this they never should have gotten married!”. she makes comments like this a lot and they just don’t sit right with me. i’m not that close with her to be joking around about my mom and their divorce and so on. that stung a little and for some reason made me really upset that day. i told my therapist who told me to talk to my dad about it. he basically said i took it the wrong way, i’m too sensitive, but he understands and will talk to her about it. my dad and i discusses how he should mention this to her without making it a big deal, just to say how it stung a little and i don’t like to hear her and my dad talk about my mom as a joke (other comments of theirs did this as well, not just the report card one). later that night he calls he saying that his girlfriend is now crying because she didn’t mean to come off like that, i upset her a lot, she just wants to be close to us, and that if i had a problem with something she said then i should have told her in the moment or talked to her separately and not have gotten my dad involved. he told her way more of what i said on my one on one conversation with him than he said he would when him and i talked about how to approach it with her. he told me it would be a good idea to text her and talk to her about all of this because she’s crying and that she can “read between the lines”. aita??
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my parents got a divorce last may (so a year ago) and a lot happened since then that pretty much f***ed up my sisters and i. my dad got a new girlfriend in a heartbeat and wanted us to basically be best friends with her right away. she’s actually really nice and fun to hangout with, but she makes little comments about my mom every so often that bothers me. when i came home from work one day she was standing in our driveway laughing with my dad at a piece of paper. she walked up to me and showed it to me laughing because it was a marriage certificate from their church 25 years ago (my mom and dad) and i guess churches then gave out a sort of report card saying how likely it is for this marriage to get a divorce and actually gave grades for each section. she explained that to me, showed me the paper and then said jokingly “according to this they never should have gotten married!”. she makes comments like this a lot and they just don’t sit right with me. i’m not that close with her to be joking around about my mom and their divorce and so on. that stung a little and for some reason made me really upset that day. i told my therapist who told me to talk to my dad about it. he basically said i took it the wrong way, i’m too sensitive, but he understands and will talk to her about it. my dad and i discusses how he should mention this to her without making it a big deal, just to say how it stung a little and i don’t like to hear her and my dad talk about my mom as a joke (other comments of theirs did this as well, not just the report card one). later that night he calls he saying that his girlfriend is now crying because she didn’t mean to come off like that, i upset her a lot, she just wants to be close to us, and that if i had a problem with something she said then i should have told her in the moment or talked to her separately and not have gotten my dad involved. he told her way more of what i said on my one on one conversation with him than he said he would when him and i talked about how to approach it with her. he told me it would be a good idea to text her and talk to her about all of this because she’s crying and that she can “read between the lines”. aita?? [/INST] nta. your dad and his gf sounds insecure in their new relationship. </s>
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AITA for implying my mom is a bully?
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my mom used to be a mean girls type in high school. she tells stories about how “funny” it was when she used to throw yogurt on people out front of the gay bar.
we have had a lot of fights over this type of behaviour. since i had my son she has behaved better because i told her i wasn’t going to expose my son to her rhetoric so she cleaned it up. mostly.
now we have a family album where i share pictures of my son and my mil (who i love! & who had a closer high-school experience to mine than my moms, the bullied, not the bully) makes cute comments now and again.
yesterday my mom was visiting and starting making fun of mil to me like “oh well she’s a bit weird isn’t she, why did she say that, why does she comment so much, why does she dress like that… etc.,” because she loves her grandson and who cares?
eventually i told her she should probably to go to therapy and figure out why she was so insecure that she was 65 years old still trying to tear others down to make herself feel good and that she needed to stop being such a mean girl because no one likes a bully. she got irate and started insulting me, to which i just looked at her confused and said “are you okay?” (way to prove my point)
she had my sister call me later to tell me i needed to apologise because i hurt her feelings and i told my sister i’d start caring about her feelings when she started caring about others and then i said this is why we spend more time visiting mil in the summer because no one has time for petty bullies and she was just digging her own grave of not getting to see me and her grandson more. apparently my mom was listening to the call and now she’s playing victim on facebook about how i’ve replaced her with me mil and im bullying her. lol.
aita?
| 1,659 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vzdrsu/aita_for_implying_my_mom_is_a_bully/
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2022-07-15 02:52:26
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nta. that’s toxic behaviour and she reacted because you hit the nail on the head when you called out her insecurities. boundaries are awesome and good for you for putting one up clearly and assertively.
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nta - my suggestion is if she wants to spend her time with you and your son , she needs to go to therapy otherwise no go . you can't have that kind of attitude in your life. hope she makes the right decision and you need to stand your ground.
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nta. not sure why you aren't nc. imo bullies don't deserve others to give them the time of day.
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nta . your mom is a bully and your mil sounds awesome. stand your ground.
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nta. good for you! you handled this extremely well!
also, your mother getting your sister to to call you to berate you in her place - this is the act of a bully - to get other people involved to bully others for them and to use peer pressure to bully them as well.
and, of course, your mother saying she is being bullied is typical reversal.
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you should comment on her post. "mom, would you like me to share the mean things that you have been saying about people?" nta from another child of a mean girl.
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nta. way to stand your ground op. also if she talks about her highschool bullying days so freely odds are her “friends” already know how she is and will take the posts at face value. a desperate grasp at her reality to feel secure.
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nta! you’re doing a really good job keeping your child away from her
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mom used to be a mean girls type in high school. she tells stories about how “funny” it was when she used to throw yogurt on people out front of the gay bar. we have had a lot of fights over this type of behaviour. since i had my son she has behaved better because i told her i wasn’t going to expose my son to her rhetoric so she cleaned it up. mostly. now we have a family album where i share pictures of my son and my mil (who i love! & who had a closer high-school experience to mine than my moms, the bullied, not the bully) makes cute comments now and again. yesterday my mom was visiting and starting making fun of mil to me like “oh well she’s a bit weird isn’t she, why did she say that, why does she comment so much, why does she dress like that… etc.,” because she loves her grandson and who cares? eventually i told her she should probably to go to therapy and figure out why she was so insecure that she was 65 years old still trying to tear others down to make herself feel good and that she needed to stop being such a mean girl because no one likes a bully. she got irate and started insulting me, to which i just looked at her confused and said “are you okay?” (way to prove my point) she had my sister call me later to tell me i needed to apologise because i hurt her feelings and i told my sister i’d start caring about her feelings when she started caring about others and then i said this is why we spend more time visiting mil in the summer because no one has time for petty bullies and she was just digging her own grave of not getting to see me and her grandson more. apparently my mom was listening to the call and now she’s playing victim on facebook about how i’ve replaced her with me mil and im bullying her. lol. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my mom used to be a mean girls type in high school. she tells stories about how “funny” it was when she used to throw yogurt on people out front of the gay bar. we have had a lot of fights over this type of behaviour. since i had my son she has behaved better because i told her i wasn’t going to expose my son to her rhetoric so she cleaned it up. mostly. now we have a family album where i share pictures of my son and my mil (who i love! & who had a closer high-school experience to mine than my moms, the bullied, not the bully) makes cute comments now and again. yesterday my mom was visiting and starting making fun of mil to me like “oh well she’s a bit weird isn’t she, why did she say that, why does she comment so much, why does she dress like that… etc.,” because she loves her grandson and who cares? eventually i told her she should probably to go to therapy and figure out why she was so insecure that she was 65 years old still trying to tear others down to make herself feel good and that she needed to stop being such a mean girl because no one likes a bully. she got irate and started insulting me, to which i just looked at her confused and said “are you okay?” (way to prove my point) she had my sister call me later to tell me i needed to apologise because i hurt her feelings and i told my sister i’d start caring about her feelings when she started caring about others and then i said this is why we spend more time visiting mil in the summer because no one has time for petty bullies and she was just digging her own grave of not getting to see me and her grandson more. apparently my mom was listening to the call and now she’s playing victim on facebook about how i’ve replaced her with me mil and im bullying her. lol. aita? [/INST] nta. that’s toxic behaviour and she reacted because you hit the nail on the head when you called out her insecurities. boundaries are awesome and good for you for putting one up clearly and assertively. </s>
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AITA for not replying to someone who was supposed to be my bridesmaid, but ghosted me for two months?
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basically, i am getting married this saturday. it is an extremely small wedding, only 40 people, in my parents' country backyard. this girl, we'll call her angela, was supposed to be one of my bridesmaids. i had asked her back in october and she was beyond excited to be a part of the wedding. we met working in the same company, we both worked at a gym. fast forward to about two months ago. she quit her job at our gym, and she moved about 20 minutes away. after moving she completely stops texting, instagram messaging, etc. i texted her at least four separate times throughout these two months asking if she was still interested in being a bridesmaid or even attending the wedding as a guest. not a word. throughout these two months i could see she was still posting on all of her social media accounts.
&#x200b;
about a week ago at nearly 11 pm, i got a text saying "babe! so sorry, my phone hasn't been working!" that's it. no comment on the wedding or anything. i don't think she even remembers the date. i did not reply as at this point, the wedding was a week and a half away and i had heard absolutely nothing from her for months. yesterday, she sent me a snapchat of a selfie saying "i fucking hate (\*insert gym company name here\*)" again, i didn't reply. i haven't heard anything since.
&#x200b;
am i an asshole for deciding to ghost her and not include her in the wedding anymore? i just feel like if she really wanted to be a part of the day she wouldn't have ignored my messages for two months and expressed zero interest in anything related to the wedding.
| 291 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/byx6wi/aita_for_not_replying_to_someone_who_was_supposed/
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2019-06-10 12:22:40
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nta - she fell off the face of the planet. months of phone not working? bs
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nta.
she was never a true friend. cut that shit out of your life.
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nta. it's your special day and you get to decide who's going to be a part of it. you don't wanna see the pictures later and remember how a bad friend this specific girl was. if she doesn't care why should you.
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nta - you don't need that kind of nonsense mixed up in your wedding day. it sounds like you did everything you should have to keep her involved, that's on her now.
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nta - sounds like she didn't value your time, now you get to return the favor.
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nta - spoiler alert: her phone was fine.
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nta. can you ghost someone who already ghosted you? i mean she has sent a pretty clear message that she doesn't want to be part of it - are you in the us? i understand that over there being a bridesmaid comes with a hefty expense so frankly i wouldn't be surprised if she didn't want the 'honour'. just leave it, she's made herself very clear and your conscience should be totally unburdened. shame she didn't feel able to address it directly, but not everyone can cope with confrontation.
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i think nta, it is your wedding and your special day. you should have who you want there. you don't need unnecessary drama and stress on your wedding day. congrats by the way!
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nta! you should be glad u have people like her out of your life. congratulations in getting married!!
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nta
weddings are a bitch to organise as it is, you didn't need to be chasing a bridesmaid for 2 months on top of that. if she hasn't realised how much of a ah she's been, thats her problem. keep ignoring her until she inevitably questions it, then simply tell her. or even better, don't.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: basically, i am getting married this saturday. it is an extremely small wedding, only 40 people, in my parents' country backyard. this girl, we'll call her angela, was supposed to be one of my bridesmaids. i had asked her back in october and she was beyond excited to be a part of the wedding. we met working in the same company, we both worked at a gym. fast forward to about two months ago. she quit her job at our gym, and she moved about 20 minutes away. after moving she completely stops texting, instagram messaging, etc. i texted her at least four separate times throughout these two months asking if she was still interested in being a bridesmaid or even attending the wedding as a guest. not a word. throughout these two months i could see she was still posting on all of her social media accounts. &#x200b; about a week ago at nearly 11 pm, i got a text saying "babe! so sorry, my phone hasn't been working!" that's it. no comment on the wedding or anything. i don't think she even remembers the date. i did not reply as at this point, the wedding was a week and a half away and i had heard absolutely nothing from her for months. yesterday, she sent me a snapchat of a selfie saying "i fucking hate (\*insert gym company name here\*)" again, i didn't reply. i haven't heard anything since. &#x200b; am i an asshole for deciding to ghost her and not include her in the wedding anymore? i just feel like if she really wanted to be a part of the day she wouldn't have ignored my messages for two months and expressed zero interest in anything related to the wedding.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
basically, i am getting married this saturday. it is an extremely small wedding, only 40 people, in my parents' country backyard. this girl, we'll call her angela, was supposed to be one of my bridesmaids. i had asked her back in october and she was beyond excited to be a part of the wedding. we met working in the same company, we both worked at a gym. fast forward to about two months ago. she quit her job at our gym, and she moved about 20 minutes away. after moving she completely stops texting, instagram messaging, etc. i texted her at least four separate times throughout these two months asking if she was still interested in being a bridesmaid or even attending the wedding as a guest. not a word. throughout these two months i could see she was still posting on all of her social media accounts. &#x200b; about a week ago at nearly 11 pm, i got a text saying "babe! so sorry, my phone hasn't been working!" that's it. no comment on the wedding or anything. i don't think she even remembers the date. i did not reply as at this point, the wedding was a week and a half away and i had heard absolutely nothing from her for months. yesterday, she sent me a snapchat of a selfie saying "i fucking hate (\*insert gym company name here\*)" again, i didn't reply. i haven't heard anything since. &#x200b; am i an asshole for deciding to ghost her and not include her in the wedding anymore? i just feel like if she really wanted to be a part of the day she wouldn't have ignored my messages for two months and expressed zero interest in anything related to the wedding. [/INST] nta - she fell off the face of the planet. months of phone not working? bs </s>
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AITA for keeping the cat I was cat sitting
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5 months ago, my sisters friend, bella, gave us her cat, marcy, to catsit for about a month until bella's mom could settle into a house. (bella's mom was living out of her car) when we got marcy, she had fleas, worms, had never had her claws clipped, & had never been to the vet. i took her to the vet to get spayed, vaxxed, tested, & treated for worms etc. i paid for all her bills, food, etc. after a few months, bella said she couldn't take marcy back and to just put her up for adoption. i didn't want to give her away so i decided to keep her. that was 3 months ago.
here's where the trouble starts: today, bella texted my sister saying that her mom found a place & will be moving in soon so she will be able to take marcy back. my sister & i explained to her that i had chosen to keep marcy when she said to put her up for adoption. i don't know where the wires crossed but there was some type of miscommunication & bella thought that we were still keeping her in our house to continue cat sitting for her & just assumed that we would keep her with us until she was ready to take her back. this is obviously not the case. i told her that i will not be giving marcy back to her.
here's the thing: since bella never officially adopted marcy (she had gotten marcy from a friend) & had never taken her to the vet, she had no documentation that marcy was hers. i, however, did take her to the vet, so all documentation of marcy's existence is under my name. when i heard she was trying to take marcy back, i scheduled an appointment to get her microchipped with my information.
in civil court cases dealing with pet ownership, the first thing they look at is if the animal is microchipped & with whose information, & second, they look at is any veterinary records. no matter which way you flip it, in every legal sense of the word, marcy is my cat. & even if they did try disputing it, i could argue that they are unfit to take care of an animal, seeing as the state i got her in was very poor & they don't have stable living conditions. (it's also worth mentioning that they have another cat that lives with bella's dad & that cat is very ill & had so many fleas, their entire house is now infested)
you can't choose to take care of an animal whenever it's convenient for you. although i know the housing situation makes it different, at the end of the day, she told us to give marcy up for adoption & find her a new home- which i did : my home.
so am i the asshole for keeping the cat?
| 209 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wbpeko/aita_for_keeping_the_cat_i_was_cat_sitting/
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2022-07-30 05:06:18
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nta
generous of you to assume it’s crossed wires. if someone else had adopted marcy, would she be demanding the cat back? by stating marcy needed to be put up for adoption she was relinquishing ownership.
cat tax?
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nta.
she said to put the cat up for adoption. you adopted her.
you could also make an invoice of all the medical bills, food, supplies and time you put into her neglected cat and see if she is willing to pay.
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hell naw.
nta.
that poor cat just got a decent freaking owner and it does not need to be mistreated again. she neglected that cat, and it deserves the love are care (and money, honestly) you have put into it. i hope you and the cat have a wonderful time together, also, cat pics?
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nta. keep taking care of your sweet cat.
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nta. she was willing to give it away when she didn't want to take responsibility for marcy. why should she be entitled to something that she wasn't going to have anyway?
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nta.
the second she said to put her up for adoption she gave up her rights to assume that she could take the cat away. pets are living things and she showed how easily she’d dump them at any time
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nta.
not only did she put the cat up for adoption, but she couldn't even be bothered to take the poor thing to the vet? sounds like a case of criminal neglect. and all the vet records under your name would prove that.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: 5 months ago, my sisters friend, bella, gave us her cat, marcy, to catsit for about a month until bella's mom could settle into a house. (bella's mom was living out of her car) when we got marcy, she had fleas, worms, had never had her claws clipped, & had never been to the vet. i took her to the vet to get spayed, vaxxed, tested, & treated for worms etc. i paid for all her bills, food, etc. after a few months, bella said she couldn't take marcy back and to just put her up for adoption. i didn't want to give her away so i decided to keep her. that was 3 months ago. here's where the trouble starts: today, bella texted my sister saying that her mom found a place & will be moving in soon so she will be able to take marcy back. my sister & i explained to her that i had chosen to keep marcy when she said to put her up for adoption. i don't know where the wires crossed but there was some type of miscommunication & bella thought that we were still keeping her in our house to continue cat sitting for her & just assumed that we would keep her with us until she was ready to take her back. this is obviously not the case. i told her that i will not be giving marcy back to her. here's the thing: since bella never officially adopted marcy (she had gotten marcy from a friend) & had never taken her to the vet, she had no documentation that marcy was hers. i, however, did take her to the vet, so all documentation of marcy's existence is under my name. when i heard she was trying to take marcy back, i scheduled an appointment to get her microchipped with my information. in civil court cases dealing with pet ownership, the first thing they look at is if the animal is microchipped & with whose information, & second, they look at is any veterinary records. no matter which way you flip it, in every legal sense of the word, marcy is my cat. & even if they did try disputing it, i could argue that they are unfit to take care of an animal, seeing as the state i got her in was very poor & they don't have stable living conditions. (it's also worth mentioning that they have another cat that lives with bella's dad & that cat is very ill & had so many fleas, their entire house is now infested) you can't choose to take care of an animal whenever it's convenient for you. although i know the housing situation makes it different, at the end of the day, she told us to give marcy up for adoption & find her a new home- which i did : my home. so am i the asshole for keeping the cat?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
5 months ago, my sisters friend, bella, gave us her cat, marcy, to catsit for about a month until bella's mom could settle into a house. (bella's mom was living out of her car) when we got marcy, she had fleas, worms, had never had her claws clipped, & had never been to the vet. i took her to the vet to get spayed, vaxxed, tested, & treated for worms etc. i paid for all her bills, food, etc. after a few months, bella said she couldn't take marcy back and to just put her up for adoption. i didn't want to give her away so i decided to keep her. that was 3 months ago. here's where the trouble starts: today, bella texted my sister saying that her mom found a place & will be moving in soon so she will be able to take marcy back. my sister & i explained to her that i had chosen to keep marcy when she said to put her up for adoption. i don't know where the wires crossed but there was some type of miscommunication & bella thought that we were still keeping her in our house to continue cat sitting for her & just assumed that we would keep her with us until she was ready to take her back. this is obviously not the case. i told her that i will not be giving marcy back to her. here's the thing: since bella never officially adopted marcy (she had gotten marcy from a friend) & had never taken her to the vet, she had no documentation that marcy was hers. i, however, did take her to the vet, so all documentation of marcy's existence is under my name. when i heard she was trying to take marcy back, i scheduled an appointment to get her microchipped with my information. in civil court cases dealing with pet ownership, the first thing they look at is if the animal is microchipped & with whose information, & second, they look at is any veterinary records. no matter which way you flip it, in every legal sense of the word, marcy is my cat. & even if they did try disputing it, i could argue that they are unfit to take care of an animal, seeing as the state i got her in was very poor & they don't have stable living conditions. (it's also worth mentioning that they have another cat that lives with bella's dad & that cat is very ill & had so many fleas, their entire house is now infested) you can't choose to take care of an animal whenever it's convenient for you. although i know the housing situation makes it different, at the end of the day, she told us to give marcy up for adoption & find her a new home- which i did : my home. so am i the asshole for keeping the cat? [/INST] nta generous of you to assume it’s crossed wires. if someone else had adopted marcy, would she be demanding the cat back? by stating marcy needed to be put up for adoption she was relinquishing ownership. cat tax? </s>
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AITA for telling my parents that I don't trust them?
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hello, i'm writing this as short as possible, i will give details in comments.
i'm a 16m and have family link + other tracking and screen time apps etc etc.
i have it since 14 and have almost no time on it. i only have online school stuff and that's that. i have every site blocked, can't download anything, i just don't use my phone anymore. my parents check my messages every night, they have all my passwords and i don't have any privacy nor online nor irl. i got a gaming pc with my own money and firstly they didn't approve but i managed to convince them.
in octomber last year, i had a free class because our math teacher was sick and ended school early. so i went on discord quick so i can check in on my friends, how they are doing and all that. my father came into my room and asked me why i'm not in math class (they know when i start, when i finish school, and my classes). i told him that i have a free class and he didn't believe me because he never does. he always thinks i'm lying.
after that i got an ip blocker or something like that on my router, can't access anything, but only online school stuff as well, just like on my phone. but i recently found a backdoor and can post on reddit now.
i got into an argument recently with them because i asked them when i will get every controlling app removed. and they told me that it's my fault that they can't trust me, because i got my gaming pc to play during school. and told me my grades were bad because i got a 9 (that's about an a- for americans) in math. i was so mad that i just told them that i don't trust them because they control me so much and try to manipulate me.
reddit, was i the ah?
edit 1: i want to say that i have good grades, have only 9's and 10's (a's) and only 1 8 (b)
| 475 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kwcmxq/aita_for_telling_my_parents_that_i_dont_trust_them/
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2021-01-13 08:50:47
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nta: it’s parents like that who’ll wonder why you cut contact when you move out
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nta
damn, all i can say is stay strong, save some cash, and move out when you can. i hope you have a bright future ahead.
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nta. oh lordy lord. i feel so bad for you. this is definitely borderline abuse and excessive helicopter parenting. move out when you can. go to university and don’t let them visit or something. i’d have told them to fuck off by now
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nta
do you have anyone else that you can go to for help like a family member or friend that’s willing to help you get out of that hell hole?
if so you need to get out of their as soon as possible.
and also save up and buy your own phone and plan or see if a friend is willing to let you use one of their old phone that they still have and might be willing to work something out with their family to let you onto their cellular plan.
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nta - they are controlling to the point that stifling your potential sense of responsibility and time management at a period of your life when you need to freedom to learn from your mistakes and face the consequences of your actions in your path to becoming a mature adult.
by removing all entertainment and privacy, they have removed any immediate motivation to do anything but the bare minimum in school.
by not giving your an end-date to your 'punishment' or a path to ease restrictions, they've removed any desire to cooperate with them.
like others had said, please do what you can to acquire/save money and to graduate from school because it seems like the best option is to remove yourself from that house as soon as possible.
but, if you want to negotiate with your parents, you can discuss how restrictive measures will cause 'binge' behavior once they are removed. look at the us and the drinking age and drug illegalization has resulted in some of the worse stastistics in the world for alcohol and drug additiction, the rise in crime related to addiction, and the number of deaths linked to binge drinking and overdose in young adults.
social media, games, and other types of entertainment (18+) all have their own addictive qualities and with your suppressed self management of time and content, it is believable that you may be at high risk of developing an addiction/over-indulgence/binge behavior.
talk to them.. if they're unwilling to talk, then tell them you have no motivation to do well in school or to do anything. you are not doing anything to their standards. of course, still learn, still do the work, but don't get the amazing grades you were getting. you can even coordinate with the teacher, if they're cool, that you will turn in two sets of work... poor work that will be recorded as your grade and the real work you put effort into that will help grade your understanding that will not be recorded.
depending on country, though, i'm not sure how far you can push this with your parents without being kicked out.... so, yeah.
talk to them like adults in a business meeting, keep all emotions aside. have a plan to ease the restrictions. discuss their requirements of performance at school. do not allow them to mandate you get straight a's. school is to learn and improve, if you're getting straight a's then it is a sign you are not being challenged, the school is too easy, or you are wasting yoru potential. b's show that you are still learning and still improving. if they want you to get straight a's, then they should enroll you in a better school to get better education... to rely on your ability to already know the stuff to give the impression that perform well at school.
i dunno, i hope this makes sense and might help.
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nta
this is beyond controlling this is bordering on abusive from your parents! they are liturely ribing you of any kind of privacy and they do not treat you like a 16 year old in anyway. i hope they will se that this is not a healthy way if parenting
sadly the probably won't ever se that what they do is severely harming your relationship. i hope you get out as fast as possible and never have to talk to these assholes again!
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nta, wtf is wrong with them.
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nta
i was so mad that i just told them that i don't trust them because they control me so much and try to manipulate me.
thats because thats what they are doing..
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nta. your parents are controlling you as fuck, and you should have at least sort of privacy. you should start saving up to move out and do it as soon as possible.
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info: what country is this occuring in? it could give better idea's or understanding what options a person your age has.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hello, i'm writing this as short as possible, i will give details in comments. i'm a 16m and have family link + other tracking and screen time apps etc etc. i have it since 14 and have almost no time on it. i only have online school stuff and that's that. i have every site blocked, can't download anything, i just don't use my phone anymore. my parents check my messages every night, they have all my passwords and i don't have any privacy nor online nor irl. i got a gaming pc with my own money and firstly they didn't approve but i managed to convince them. in octomber last year, i had a free class because our math teacher was sick and ended school early. so i went on discord quick so i can check in on my friends, how they are doing and all that. my father came into my room and asked me why i'm not in math class (they know when i start, when i finish school, and my classes). i told him that i have a free class and he didn't believe me because he never does. he always thinks i'm lying. after that i got an ip blocker or something like that on my router, can't access anything, but only online school stuff as well, just like on my phone. but i recently found a backdoor and can post on reddit now. i got into an argument recently with them because i asked them when i will get every controlling app removed. and they told me that it's my fault that they can't trust me, because i got my gaming pc to play during school. and told me my grades were bad because i got a 9 (that's about an a- for americans) in math. i was so mad that i just told them that i don't trust them because they control me so much and try to manipulate me. reddit, was i the ah? edit 1: i want to say that i have good grades, have only 9's and 10's (a's) and only 1 8 (b)
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hello, i'm writing this as short as possible, i will give details in comments. i'm a 16m and have family link + other tracking and screen time apps etc etc. i have it since 14 and have almost no time on it. i only have online school stuff and that's that. i have every site blocked, can't download anything, i just don't use my phone anymore. my parents check my messages every night, they have all my passwords and i don't have any privacy nor online nor irl. i got a gaming pc with my own money and firstly they didn't approve but i managed to convince them. in octomber last year, i had a free class because our math teacher was sick and ended school early. so i went on discord quick so i can check in on my friends, how they are doing and all that. my father came into my room and asked me why i'm not in math class (they know when i start, when i finish school, and my classes). i told him that i have a free class and he didn't believe me because he never does. he always thinks i'm lying. after that i got an ip blocker or something like that on my router, can't access anything, but only online school stuff as well, just like on my phone. but i recently found a backdoor and can post on reddit now. i got into an argument recently with them because i asked them when i will get every controlling app removed. and they told me that it's my fault that they can't trust me, because i got my gaming pc to play during school. and told me my grades were bad because i got a 9 (that's about an a- for americans) in math. i was so mad that i just told them that i don't trust them because they control me so much and try to manipulate me. reddit, was i the ah? edit 1: i want to say that i have good grades, have only 9's and 10's (a's) and only 1 8 (b) [/INST] nta: it’s parents like that who’ll wonder why you cut contact when you move out </s>
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AITA for being mad at my wife for dumpster diving?
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hi everyone, i’d like some input.
my wife and i struggle to make ends meet. we strictly budget everything down to the dollar, without a lot of wiggle room. this includes our groceries, which we have a set $ amount we spend, no more.
recently our dd dropped the milk and spilled it. it was 5 days to payday and we’d already done our grocery shopping. my wife said she’d figure it out. i know she has a little money stashed for herself that she’s gotten from selling some of her clothes recently, so when she came home with milk and a bag of chips for the kids as a treat, i figured she must have decided to dip into that. boy was i wrong.
the next week i noticed our food was a little...higher quality. a couple of brand name things, even a roast on sunday with asparagus. i figured she must have gotten some killer deals, but when i asked she said “oh no, i found a bunch of money off coupons.” then she showed a few to me.
they were those “earn 0.07$ a gallon” receipts you get at the gas station. she had gone there and dug through the garbage! she said she got about 5$ worth of these receipts the first time when we needed milk, and went back the next week for more, netting about 30$ total.
i was speechless. i asked her how she could lower herself like that. she replied that she did it for our kids. when i asked why she didn’t use her money she had saved, she said it was hers and she was saving it for something special.
i’m so disgusted guys. i can’t believe she did this. i don’t even want to look at her. she on the other hand is mad at me, and says i’m an asshole for being mad, and for expecting her to use her saved money instead. aita for expecting my wife not to dumpster dive?
| 17,830 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b12st4/aita_for_being_mad_at_my_wife_for_dumpster_diving/
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2019-03-14 17:01:37
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yta in a major way. there’s nothing low about dumpster diving to get coupons to feed your children. swallow your fucking pride, man. your children come long before your sense of superiority that “oh at least i don’t sink that low”. welcome to the real world.
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[deleted]
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yta. dumpster diving is a great way to save money and help keep items out of landfills. i would recommend she look at some of the diving groups on facebook, they have a lot of great tips for places to go and also ways to stay safe. people find unopened items all the time, items that are brand new and otherwise would fill a landfill.
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yta. get a second/third job if you don't want your wife to result to such a "low".
it is dumb that she won't tell you why she won't use her tiny savings, but it could be for something actually important.
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yta she's used her initiative and found a way to get more for your families tight budget.
maybe be thankful she's going to all that trouble to do more for your family and not shame her.
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yta. a lot of people dumpster dive to save money, and people waste a lot of stuff just throwing it away. you guys live paycheck to paycheck and your wife figured out something to help. she's not even diving for leftover food! she just found coupons people didn't need, so what in the hell is the matter?
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yta - you are mad at your wife for getting free/better quality food for your family because you don’t like the idea of her digging through the trash. sad that your priorities are so backwards. just because you wouldn’t dig through the garbage to provide for your family, doesn’t mean she shouldn’t.
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yta. you're mad... at your wife... for scavenging... for coupons?
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yta at first i assumed this was going to be dumpster food which you would have a point just for the sanitary issues of good even if sealed sitting in a dumpster. but she is hurting no one and your comment about “lowering herself to that level” is just a shitty thing to say.
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yta - if your budget is that tight, and if she doesn't have an issue doing it herself, then you should mind your own fucking business, man.
who are you to judge what your wife does to earn an extra $30? and you're also **directly benefiting** from it *by your own admission.*
i do "get" not being thrilled about how she's saving the money, but i think you need to grow up.
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi everyone, i’d like some input. my wife and i struggle to make ends meet. we strictly budget everything down to the dollar, without a lot of wiggle room. this includes our groceries, which we have a set $ amount we spend, no more. recently our dd dropped the milk and spilled it. it was 5 days to payday and we’d already done our grocery shopping. my wife said she’d figure it out. i know she has a little money stashed for herself that she’s gotten from selling some of her clothes recently, so when she came home with milk and a bag of chips for the kids as a treat, i figured she must have decided to dip into that. boy was i wrong. the next week i noticed our food was a little...higher quality. a couple of brand name things, even a roast on sunday with asparagus. i figured she must have gotten some killer deals, but when i asked she said “oh no, i found a bunch of money off coupons.” then she showed a few to me. they were those “earn 0.07$ a gallon” receipts you get at the gas station. she had gone there and dug through the garbage! she said she got about 5$ worth of these receipts the first time when we needed milk, and went back the next week for more, netting about 30$ total. i was speechless. i asked her how she could lower herself like that. she replied that she did it for our kids. when i asked why she didn’t use her money she had saved, she said it was hers and she was saving it for something special. i’m so disgusted guys. i can’t believe she did this. i don’t even want to look at her. she on the other hand is mad at me, and says i’m an asshole for being mad, and for expecting her to use her saved money instead. aita for expecting my wife not to dumpster dive?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi everyone, i’d like some input. my wife and i struggle to make ends meet. we strictly budget everything down to the dollar, without a lot of wiggle room. this includes our groceries, which we have a set $ amount we spend, no more. recently our dd dropped the milk and spilled it. it was 5 days to payday and we’d already done our grocery shopping. my wife said she’d figure it out. i know she has a little money stashed for herself that she’s gotten from selling some of her clothes recently, so when she came home with milk and a bag of chips for the kids as a treat, i figured she must have decided to dip into that. boy was i wrong. the next week i noticed our food was a little...higher quality. a couple of brand name things, even a roast on sunday with asparagus. i figured she must have gotten some killer deals, but when i asked she said “oh no, i found a bunch of money off coupons.” then she showed a few to me. they were those “earn 0.07$ a gallon” receipts you get at the gas station. she had gone there and dug through the garbage! she said she got about 5$ worth of these receipts the first time when we needed milk, and went back the next week for more, netting about 30$ total. i was speechless. i asked her how she could lower herself like that. she replied that she did it for our kids. when i asked why she didn’t use her money she had saved, she said it was hers and she was saving it for something special. i’m so disgusted guys. i can’t believe she did this. i don’t even want to look at her. she on the other hand is mad at me, and says i’m an asshole for being mad, and for expecting her to use her saved money instead. aita for expecting my wife not to dumpster dive? [/INST] yta in a major way. there’s nothing low about dumpster diving to get coupons to feed your children. swallow your fucking pride, man. your children come long before your sense of superiority that “oh at least i don’t sink that low”. welcome to the real world. </s>
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AITA for not acting enthusiastic about someone else's pregnancy?
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throwaway for obvious reasons.
my coworker is currently pregnant and everyone is gushing over her constantly. all i hear all day long is pregnancy jokes, comments, or baby talk. especially now as her due date is around the corner.
i am happy for her, but i have had 3 miscarriages within the past 13 months. the last one i had major complications with and there is a chance i won't be able to get pregnant again as a result. my coworkers are aware of the last one because it happened later in the pregnancy (22 weeks) and we had announced.
i'm genuinely happy for her, i really am. and i try to be supportive. but, i cannot make myself be enthusiastic.
the office manager confronted me about it this morning because i'm the only person not constantly asking the pregnant coworker how she's feeling, etc and the manager noticed. she feels i should be over what happened or at least be able to pretend enthusiasm. again i have always been supportive and kind to the pregnant coworker, i just don't gush over her or start conversations with her that involve her pregnancy or child.
i thought i was doing fine, but this confrontation by the office manager makes me wonder if i'm really being an asshole? i don't talk about my miscarriages with any of them anymore, not since i was finally over the medical complications and even that was just because i couldn't do things at work that i normally do without risking a trip to the er. i'm a very private person and i while i was open with saying "i'm not ok, but i'm doing better than yesterday." i never opened up to anyone in the office about what i was going through beyond just "this happened and as a result i can't do x until my doctor clears me for that type of work".
i honestly don't know if i can fawn over my pregnant coworker at this point. i feel horrible about it after what my manager said, but its all i can do sometimes to just smile and nod to the conversation regarding her pregnancy/baby instead of crying. i don't expect everyone to treat me special by any means, but am i really the asshole for not pretending to be ecstatic about this?
&#x200b;
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ao6eox/aita_for_not_acting_enthusiastic_about_someone/
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2019-02-07 17:53:36
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nta. your boss is being horribly insensitive by confronting you. if i was the pregnant woman, i would be asking people to tone it down out of compassion for you.
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nta jesus not an asshole! if anyone is ta is your boss. not everyone needs to gush over pregnancy, pregnant ladies generally hate it, so who is it even benefitting?? anyone with half a brain cell can figure out you're hurting and it's completely understandable that you're not over the moon celebrating for someone else. tell your boss to get a fucking clue and mind their own business.
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nta
to be clear. if you were rude to her or something it would be an issue, or wanted her to avoid pregnancy talk all together but not being over the moon and wanting to talk about is fair and normal.
if you have an hr person, go to them and explain how inappropriate your manager was in telling you you should be over a serious medical issue and family hardship already. if not, be sure to icily frame it to your manager that you'll do them the the favor of forgetting they said something so blatantly discriminatory and inappropriate.
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nta it was extremely unprofessional of your office manager to confront you with this issue. absolutely irrelevant to the work you're doing and your lack of enthusiasm in no way reflects on your ability to do your job.
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nta.
and this isn’t intended as a red herring, but would hr lady be questioning op’s enthusiasm levels if she were a man? i’ve worked in several different office environments and rarely have i seen male employees gush over pregnancies.
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ybita - your boss is the asshole
nta.
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nta first of all sorry for all the trouble you've had, 3 miscarriages is not something that should be blown over. also you are most definitely not required to be enthusiastic about somebody else's baby especially because you've had such a rough time. as long as you're respectful, which it seems you are, you don't have to be excited about someone you're not so close to. good luck!
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nta, and your boss is being wildly inappropriate. we had a similar, but nowhere near as brutal couple years as you did before our daughter was born. my wife was not ready to be happy for other pregnant women during that time, and i absolutely understood, it was extremely emotional for me, and it wasn't even my body. if my wife's boss acted the way that your's did, i would have driven my car into their fucking living room.
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nta. what is your manager thinking, she’s not a preacher, and has no control over anyone’s emotions. ignore it.
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> 3 miscarriages within the past 13 months
oh my god.
> last one because it happened later in the pregnancy (22 weeks) and we had announced
noooooooo
> she feels i should be over what happened or at least be able to pretend enthusiasm.
**woooooooooow**
nta - i have not had a miscarriage. however, my coworker/friend had one in early november. she was right around 4 months and had just announced to the office a week before it happened. there are a couple of pregnant women we work with and she, just like you, is happy for them. but it still *hurts* her being reminded of pregnancy, babies, and the excitement surrounding that. so, you're not alone in your feelings. you're feelings are normal. you're recovering from a trauma that not everyone can understand and that's so painful and hard and takes time and energy.
&#x200b;
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway for obvious reasons. my coworker is currently pregnant and everyone is gushing over her constantly. all i hear all day long is pregnancy jokes, comments, or baby talk. especially now as her due date is around the corner. i am happy for her, but i have had 3 miscarriages within the past 13 months. the last one i had major complications with and there is a chance i won't be able to get pregnant again as a result. my coworkers are aware of the last one because it happened later in the pregnancy (22 weeks) and we had announced. i'm genuinely happy for her, i really am. and i try to be supportive. but, i cannot make myself be enthusiastic. the office manager confronted me about it this morning because i'm the only person not constantly asking the pregnant coworker how she's feeling, etc and the manager noticed. she feels i should be over what happened or at least be able to pretend enthusiasm. again i have always been supportive and kind to the pregnant coworker, i just don't gush over her or start conversations with her that involve her pregnancy or child. i thought i was doing fine, but this confrontation by the office manager makes me wonder if i'm really being an asshole? i don't talk about my miscarriages with any of them anymore, not since i was finally over the medical complications and even that was just because i couldn't do things at work that i normally do without risking a trip to the er. i'm a very private person and i while i was open with saying "i'm not ok, but i'm doing better than yesterday." i never opened up to anyone in the office about what i was going through beyond just "this happened and as a result i can't do x until my doctor clears me for that type of work". i honestly don't know if i can fawn over my pregnant coworker at this point. i feel horrible about it after what my manager said, but its all i can do sometimes to just smile and nod to the conversation regarding her pregnancy/baby instead of crying. i don't expect everyone to treat me special by any means, but am i really the asshole for not pretending to be ecstatic about this? &#x200b;
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway for obvious reasons. my coworker is currently pregnant and everyone is gushing over her constantly. all i hear all day long is pregnancy jokes, comments, or baby talk. especially now as her due date is around the corner. i am happy for her, but i have had 3 miscarriages within the past 13 months. the last one i had major complications with and there is a chance i won't be able to get pregnant again as a result. my coworkers are aware of the last one because it happened later in the pregnancy (22 weeks) and we had announced. i'm genuinely happy for her, i really am. and i try to be supportive. but, i cannot make myself be enthusiastic. the office manager confronted me about it this morning because i'm the only person not constantly asking the pregnant coworker how she's feeling, etc and the manager noticed. she feels i should be over what happened or at least be able to pretend enthusiasm. again i have always been supportive and kind to the pregnant coworker, i just don't gush over her or start conversations with her that involve her pregnancy or child. i thought i was doing fine, but this confrontation by the office manager makes me wonder if i'm really being an asshole? i don't talk about my miscarriages with any of them anymore, not since i was finally over the medical complications and even that was just because i couldn't do things at work that i normally do without risking a trip to the er. i'm a very private person and i while i was open with saying "i'm not ok, but i'm doing better than yesterday." i never opened up to anyone in the office about what i was going through beyond just "this happened and as a result i can't do x until my doctor clears me for that type of work". i honestly don't know if i can fawn over my pregnant coworker at this point. i feel horrible about it after what my manager said, but its all i can do sometimes to just smile and nod to the conversation regarding her pregnancy/baby instead of crying. i don't expect everyone to treat me special by any means, but am i really the asshole for not pretending to be ecstatic about this? &#x200b; [/INST] nta. your boss is being horribly insensitive by confronting you. if i was the pregnant woman, i would be asking people to tone it down out of compassion for you. </s>
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AITA for not letting my father take my seat?
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i was on a plane with my parents and my sister from nyc to greece (which is 9 hours) i went to use the bathroom and when i came back my father was lying down taking up his seat and mine. he told me to just go walk around while he slept, it was a completely booked flight i couldn’t just switch seats so i said “no, i want to try and sleep myself”. then he and my sister started guilt tripping me and kept telling me to just walk around for a while (my mom didn’t care either way). notice my sister didn’t offer her seat, he wasn’t working all day he just couldn’t sleep in a single chair and was tired. aita for wanting my own damn chair.
| 1,417 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w1ufa0/aita_for_not_letting_my_father_take_my_seat/
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2022-07-18 08:48:18
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nta, and you know your father was being ridiculous.
for safety purposes, airlines prefer passengers be in their seats and properly restrained when possible. this is important both for keeping the aisles clear in the event of emergencies or for other passengers and if the aircraft experiences rough air or turbulence.
your father was being selfish. plane seats are tiny, but that’s the trade off we currently have to make for flying coach (presumably) to a destination instead of taking an alternate form of transportation.
you can always just hit the call button and have the flight attendant make your dad move over, but i can’t promise that won’t make him angry.
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nta - he sounds very inconsiderate, and the fact that your mum didn't tell him to pack it in makes her an ah as well.
sis - well, she didn't have to offer her seat to him or you but could have pulled him up on his behaviour too. but siblings often like to see the other children mildly inconvenienced so... 🤷♂️
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nta
that is so ridiculous, its a plane, with no other seats, did he really expect you to stand and walk up and down the aisle for potentially hours!?
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nta.
i can’t believe i’m typing this but you need your seat too in order to rest. not only that, i’d assume it’s unsafe to walk around in a plane for hours. you’d also be bothering the other passengers. this was a ridiculous move by your father.
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nta. i think people sitting next to me who spread their legs into me or get a little *too* into my personal space are aholes. but taking the entire gosh-dang seat!? he's the butthole here, even if he was tired.
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nta.
1. air crew hate when people wander around and hang out in the aisles and galley/lav area. that is their work space and it's cramped enough as it is
2. unexpected turbulence is a real and dangerous thing. airlines recommend it, but more than that, it is for your safety that you spend most of the flight seated with your seatbelt fastened
3. airline travel sucks. you know that saying "drunk words are sober thoughts". well the way people act on aircraft is drunk words. people show their true colours on aircraft, and guess what. turns out your family are ta
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nta. the flight attendents would have asked you to sit down if you were walking around for too long. what did he expect you to do, stand up for hours. he's an idiot.
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nta
did he really expect you to walk around the plane so he can sleep? i think it's ridiculous he even came up with such an idea. if he wants to use two seats, tell him to book a spare one for himself next time he flies.
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nta. in the same way that he's entitled to a seat, so are you. it's got your name right there on the ticket. it's unfortunate that your dad can't sleep next to you and your sister. perhaps a more creative solution could have worked. but you're nta for refusing a solution that doesn't work for you. and as someone who's been woken a few hundred times on flights where children were sent to wander the aisles, i appreciate your refusal. but i feel bad for your dad too.
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nta. his request is absurd. do these family members regularly ask you to make ridiculous sacrifices for them? hope you can find respite from the jackassery.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was on a plane with my parents and my sister from nyc to greece (which is 9 hours) i went to use the bathroom and when i came back my father was lying down taking up his seat and mine. he told me to just go walk around while he slept, it was a completely booked flight i couldn’t just switch seats so i said “no, i want to try and sleep myself”. then he and my sister started guilt tripping me and kept telling me to just walk around for a while (my mom didn’t care either way). notice my sister didn’t offer her seat, he wasn’t working all day he just couldn’t sleep in a single chair and was tired. aita for wanting my own damn chair.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i was on a plane with my parents and my sister from nyc to greece (which is 9 hours) i went to use the bathroom and when i came back my father was lying down taking up his seat and mine. he told me to just go walk around while he slept, it was a completely booked flight i couldn’t just switch seats so i said “no, i want to try and sleep myself”. then he and my sister started guilt tripping me and kept telling me to just walk around for a while (my mom didn’t care either way). notice my sister didn’t offer her seat, he wasn’t working all day he just couldn’t sleep in a single chair and was tired. aita for wanting my own damn chair. [/INST] nta, and you know your father was being ridiculous. for safety purposes, airlines prefer passengers be in their seats and properly restrained when possible. this is important both for keeping the aisles clear in the event of emergencies or for other passengers and if the aircraft experiences rough air or turbulence. your father was being selfish. plane seats are tiny, but that’s the trade off we currently have to make for flying coach (presumably) to a destination instead of taking an alternate form of transportation. you can always just hit the call button and have the flight attendant make your dad move over, but i can’t promise that won’t make him angry. </s>
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AITA for not having sympathy & calling an old ex disgusting?
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very short
i dated this one dude for a short while when we were children, in our teens basically. 20 years later. he hits me up, tries flirting. i entertain it, to try to get to know him a bit more. because a lot of things change in 20 years.
eventually he tells me he does meth. and the way he said it. was so casual. i’m instantly disgusted and shocked. and i tell him just that “that’s fucking disgusting, you’re literally disgusting”. he knows i have two young children. and he’s already stated that “i need a real man” and that he’s it.
him telling me he does meth “here and there” was just an instant no for me. not only that i don’t want to associate with anyone who does those types of drugs. he told me i was being extremely judgmental and rude. i told him he was being stupid and absolutely insane if he thought i’d ever let him around me. much less my children.
and he was beyond not someone i ever would want or need.
my friends told me although they understood where i was coming from. he was clearly addicted without knowing he was addicted and trying to rationalize it to me and i should of been more sympathetic. i told them he’s a grown man. and i don’t coddle adults feelings. nor should i have too when it has the potential to involve me and my kids.
| 315 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/we2yp5/aita_for_not_having_sympathy_calling_an_old_ex/
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2022-08-02 05:10:49
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nta -you have a very reasonable boundary here. drugs are disgusting (the health detriments are numerous) and,their pushers are disgusting (encourage their users to literally sell their soul for a fix). keep that out of your life and your children's
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nta, based mainly on his other comments. i suppose maybe there could’ve been a nicer way to say it, but why does she owe him any additional emotional labor? i strongly suspect a gentler approach would not have been as effective in shutting him down, which she has not only the right, but the responsibility, to do.
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no. nta. you are absolutely correct not to bring a druggie into your children's lives. you do not have to have sympathy for him. he is not your responsibility. your children are.
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his audacity. nta. tell your friends they’re welcome to audition for him with their sympathy. and find new friends.
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nta. he’ll never stop if someone doesn’t tell him the truth. you have children and yourself to protect and made the best decision.
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nta. also, your friends are straight up wrong. you don't owe this guy your sympathy. if he's addicted, that sucks, but that's not your situation to manage.
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nta. stay far away. veryfar away. addicts eventually force everyone away. sometimes they try to get clean at that point. you and your kids do not need to be anywhere near there.
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you don’t need a “real man.” he needs housing, steady food supply, and a purse to borrow from when he gets the urge. don’t pay this hobosexual the time of day. especially since you have kids.
and since your friends care so much, they can date him / house him / feed him. nta
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nta
>he told me i was being extremely judgmental and rude. i told him he was being stupid and absolutely insane if he thought i’d ever let him around me. much less my children.
outstanding! how dare you judge his addiction and criminal behavior! /s
dude deserves heavy censure and to be kept far, far away from your kids and home.
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nta. it’s not your job to “be sympathetic” and kind about your boundaries. you have children and want to protect them. he’s a grown man and if what you said hurt him, he can find a way to manage
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: very short i dated this one dude for a short while when we were children, in our teens basically. 20 years later. he hits me up, tries flirting. i entertain it, to try to get to know him a bit more. because a lot of things change in 20 years. eventually he tells me he does meth. and the way he said it. was so casual. i’m instantly disgusted and shocked. and i tell him just that “that’s fucking disgusting, you’re literally disgusting”. he knows i have two young children. and he’s already stated that “i need a real man” and that he’s it. him telling me he does meth “here and there” was just an instant no for me. not only that i don’t want to associate with anyone who does those types of drugs. he told me i was being extremely judgmental and rude. i told him he was being stupid and absolutely insane if he thought i’d ever let him around me. much less my children. and he was beyond not someone i ever would want or need. my friends told me although they understood where i was coming from. he was clearly addicted without knowing he was addicted and trying to rationalize it to me and i should of been more sympathetic. i told them he’s a grown man. and i don’t coddle adults feelings. nor should i have too when it has the potential to involve me and my kids.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
very short i dated this one dude for a short while when we were children, in our teens basically. 20 years later. he hits me up, tries flirting. i entertain it, to try to get to know him a bit more. because a lot of things change in 20 years. eventually he tells me he does meth. and the way he said it. was so casual. i’m instantly disgusted and shocked. and i tell him just that “that’s fucking disgusting, you’re literally disgusting”. he knows i have two young children. and he’s already stated that “i need a real man” and that he’s it. him telling me he does meth “here and there” was just an instant no for me. not only that i don’t want to associate with anyone who does those types of drugs. he told me i was being extremely judgmental and rude. i told him he was being stupid and absolutely insane if he thought i’d ever let him around me. much less my children. and he was beyond not someone i ever would want or need. my friends told me although they understood where i was coming from. he was clearly addicted without knowing he was addicted and trying to rationalize it to me and i should of been more sympathetic. i told them he’s a grown man. and i don’t coddle adults feelings. nor should i have too when it has the potential to involve me and my kids. [/INST] nta -you have a very reasonable boundary here. drugs are disgusting (the health detriments are numerous) and,their pushers are disgusting (encourage their users to literally sell their soul for a fix). keep that out of your life and your children's </s>
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AITA for making a grown ass Woman cry by calling her a "Child Abuser"
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this happened a while back about 5 or 6 years ago and i was 16 working at mcdonalds for my highschool senior co-op program. ( i graduated high-school at the ripe age of 17). while working at this mcdonalds there were a lot of adults working there and being the youngest one, i was usually the bud of the jokes. there was this employee, lets call her ashley who was in her mid 20's and had two kids(this is important). as i was used to jokes i usually just played along with them be it fat jokes/terrorist jokes. one day ashley started calling me a woman beater, which i guess was her trying to make a joke, i didn't really care because i assumed it was a one time thing but boy was i wrong. fast forward a week or so and still being called a woman beater, i just had a rough day at school and just was not feeling good. ashley comes up to me and goes "whats up, woman beater". i told her i wasn't feeling it today and told her to call me by my name, she decided that isn't something that she should've done. during mid shift she goes " hey can you get me some fries?" i worked at the kitchen and it was swamped so i told her "no, you're a big girl go get it yourself". maybe this was my fuck up but she screamed out of her lungs "if you weren't fucking beating and abusing women all day maybe you would've been laid by now" ??? as a 16 year old i was just in disbelief, she said all that for fries?? i was an emotional 16 year old so i blurted out "why are you abusing me i'm only a child, are you a child abuser? do you enjoy doing this?" when i said this i had no fucking clue that she was a mother of 2 and she started tearing up and started saying i love my children i would never abuse them. that is not what i implied by asking her that but thats the way she decided to take it, she complained to my manager and he called my school and as this was "co-op for school" i got suspended for 3 days from school for this incident. so, i ask aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cpccfv/aita_for_making_a_grown_ass_woman_cry_by_calling/
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2019-08-12 13:24:53
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nta- you were a child and she was like 10 years older than you. she should’ve known better than to harass you and call you all those terrible things. shame on her.
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nta. that isn’t a joke on her part. the wrong person could overhear and run with it and get you in a whole lot of trouble. does your manager know she’s been behaving like this?
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nta
she was verbally abusing a child, you. and calling you a woman beater all week even if you weren't being literal you asked her to stop in a reasonable way and then dished a tiny amount back at her.
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nta, what a shitty work environment.
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nta. how is it ok for her to call you a woman beater, but not for you to call her a child abuser?
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nta. harrasment is a form of abuse. she was harassing you. you are a child. therefore she abused a child. therefore she is a child abuser. you were not wrong.
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nta
ashley is an abusive lunatic and your term was accurate.
"that is not what i implied by asking her that but thats the way she decided to take it, she complained to my manager and he called my school and as this was "co-op for school" i got suspended for 3 days from school for this incident." what the actual fuck?
your adult colleague harasses and lords it over you at work and gets you suspended?
where are your parents here op?
this is fucking with your income and your education - you have grounds to file a serious grievance against both this horrible woman and your dumbass shithead manager
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nta- look she asked for this, did you go to far, yes but in fairness if you can't take it then dont throw it. at the end of the day you were a little bit of arsehole but the reason why your not e-s-h is that this went on for a week and we all have a breaking point.
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"she started tearing up and started saying i love my children i would never abuse them."
whoa. does this sound like a red flag for an abusive household? heck if i know, but your response was proportionate to her provocation, so nta.
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nta she can dish out insults but can't take them back what an a hole
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this happened a while back about 5 or 6 years ago and i was 16 working at mcdonalds for my highschool senior co-op program. ( i graduated high-school at the ripe age of 17). while working at this mcdonalds there were a lot of adults working there and being the youngest one, i was usually the bud of the jokes. there was this employee, lets call her ashley who was in her mid 20's and had two kids(this is important). as i was used to jokes i usually just played along with them be it fat jokes/terrorist jokes. one day ashley started calling me a woman beater, which i guess was her trying to make a joke, i didn't really care because i assumed it was a one time thing but boy was i wrong. fast forward a week or so and still being called a woman beater, i just had a rough day at school and just was not feeling good. ashley comes up to me and goes "whats up, woman beater". i told her i wasn't feeling it today and told her to call me by my name, she decided that isn't something that she should've done. during mid shift she goes " hey can you get me some fries?" i worked at the kitchen and it was swamped so i told her "no, you're a big girl go get it yourself". maybe this was my fuck up but she screamed out of her lungs "if you weren't fucking beating and abusing women all day maybe you would've been laid by now" ??? as a 16 year old i was just in disbelief, she said all that for fries?? i was an emotional 16 year old so i blurted out "why are you abusing me i'm only a child, are you a child abuser? do you enjoy doing this?" when i said this i had no fucking clue that she was a mother of 2 and she started tearing up and started saying i love my children i would never abuse them. that is not what i implied by asking her that but thats the way she decided to take it, she complained to my manager and he called my school and as this was "co-op for school" i got suspended for 3 days from school for this incident. so, i ask aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this happened a while back about 5 or 6 years ago and i was 16 working at mcdonalds for my highschool senior co-op program. ( i graduated high-school at the ripe age of 17). while working at this mcdonalds there were a lot of adults working there and being the youngest one, i was usually the bud of the jokes. there was this employee, lets call her ashley who was in her mid 20's and had two kids(this is important). as i was used to jokes i usually just played along with them be it fat jokes/terrorist jokes. one day ashley started calling me a woman beater, which i guess was her trying to make a joke, i didn't really care because i assumed it was a one time thing but boy was i wrong. fast forward a week or so and still being called a woman beater, i just had a rough day at school and just was not feeling good. ashley comes up to me and goes "whats up, woman beater". i told her i wasn't feeling it today and told her to call me by my name, she decided that isn't something that she should've done. during mid shift she goes " hey can you get me some fries?" i worked at the kitchen and it was swamped so i told her "no, you're a big girl go get it yourself". maybe this was my fuck up but she screamed out of her lungs "if you weren't fucking beating and abusing women all day maybe you would've been laid by now" ??? as a 16 year old i was just in disbelief, she said all that for fries?? i was an emotional 16 year old so i blurted out "why are you abusing me i'm only a child, are you a child abuser? do you enjoy doing this?" when i said this i had no fucking clue that she was a mother of 2 and she started tearing up and started saying i love my children i would never abuse them. that is not what i implied by asking her that but thats the way she decided to take it, she complained to my manager and he called my school and as this was "co-op for school" i got suspended for 3 days from school for this incident. so, i ask aita? [/INST] nta- you were a child and she was like 10 years older than you. she should’ve known better than to harass you and call you all those terrible things. shame on her. </s>
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AITA for not inviting my future BIL and SIL’s son to our wedding
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i (m28) am getting married to my partner (f30). my partner has 3 siblings. one of these siblings has a 3 year old. he is the only child of the immediate family. my partner and i have decided to have a child-free wedding and have communicated this to all guests (some of whom have children of their own) which has been wholly accepted. out of respect for my future bil and sil we offered for their child to attend the ceremony and perform a small role. we then requested that the child not attend the reception. the bil and sil are staying at accommodation on site and the wedding venue has offered a baby sitting service. the bil and sil have taken this extremely personally and have refused to have a baby sitter. we have been deliberately excluded from the sils and the sons birthday celebrations, blanked at every family event and our attempts to reach out to them have been completely ignored. we then met them 5 months after we communicated our decision and were yelled at and abused for half an hour, and were threatened with “repercussions”.
i am now considering uninviting them completely from the wedding. aita?
edit/
| 258 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xg8zcq/aita_for_not_inviting_my_future_bil_and_sils_son/
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2022-09-17 01:29:05
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nta
now you won't have **three** 3 year olds at your wedding.
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nta - child-free weddings aren't uncommon, you've given them plenty of notice and options for childcare, and even offered the child a role in your wedding. their reactions are inappropriate. i also don't think that you would be the asshole if you uninvited them, though perhaps i would try communicating with them about their behavior before you do.
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> "repercussions"
lmao yeah, it's well past time to uninvite them.
nta
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nta. you’ve offered some really generous compromises to bil and sil and i’m sure gone a bit out of your comfort zone already offering to let their child attend the ceremony and have a small role. the accommodations they are staying at even offer child care. i don’t think your asking for the moon by requesting the child not be present during the reception.
they are being entitled ahs. given their history of excluding you from important family events, i think you are being more then gracious. lol after those threats, i don’t think anyone (on reddit at least) would judge you for rescinding their invitations entirely.
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nta. seems to me they've already uninvited themselves.
if they've frozen you out for 5 months, then "yelled at and abused" you for half an hour, and threatened you to boot...on top of "refusing to have a babysitter"....um, that isn't the behaviour of folks who are excitedly planning to attend your wedding.
the person whose sibling this is (ie. your fiance, not you) should send them a dignified note or email saying *"x and i have regretfully accepted your refusal to attend our (child-free) wedding. your accommodation reservation has been cancelled, and we will miss you both."*
i personally enjoy children, but also attended a small, supposed-to-be-dignified wedding that was completely trashed by a shouting, grabby, tantruming, loudly farting (*yep! right at the most solemn moment of the ceremony...*) 4yo who announced repeatedly "this is sooo boring!". that poor bride-- the memory is burned in my brain.
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nta. it's obvious if they come, the 3 year old will be brought into the reception. i think they need to be uninvited if they can't respect the rule.
i have never understood why people throw a fit over this.
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nta. this is pretty common unfortunately when you do child free weddings. someone in the family always thinks they’re above the rules and exempt. if it wasn’t for the on site sitting service i might say yta for expecting the child to attend the ceremony and not the reception but with the service on site that makes it pretty convenient. i would probably uninvited them after their tantrum.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (m28) am getting married to my partner (f30). my partner has 3 siblings. one of these siblings has a 3 year old. he is the only child of the immediate family. my partner and i have decided to have a child-free wedding and have communicated this to all guests (some of whom have children of their own) which has been wholly accepted. out of respect for my future bil and sil we offered for their child to attend the ceremony and perform a small role. we then requested that the child not attend the reception. the bil and sil are staying at accommodation on site and the wedding venue has offered a baby sitting service. the bil and sil have taken this extremely personally and have refused to have a baby sitter. we have been deliberately excluded from the sils and the sons birthday celebrations, blanked at every family event and our attempts to reach out to them have been completely ignored. we then met them 5 months after we communicated our decision and were yelled at and abused for half an hour, and were threatened with “repercussions”. i am now considering uninviting them completely from the wedding. aita? edit/
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (m28) am getting married to my partner (f30). my partner has 3 siblings. one of these siblings has a 3 year old. he is the only child of the immediate family. my partner and i have decided to have a child-free wedding and have communicated this to all guests (some of whom have children of their own) which has been wholly accepted. out of respect for my future bil and sil we offered for their child to attend the ceremony and perform a small role. we then requested that the child not attend the reception. the bil and sil are staying at accommodation on site and the wedding venue has offered a baby sitting service. the bil and sil have taken this extremely personally and have refused to have a baby sitter. we have been deliberately excluded from the sils and the sons birthday celebrations, blanked at every family event and our attempts to reach out to them have been completely ignored. we then met them 5 months after we communicated our decision and were yelled at and abused for half an hour, and were threatened with “repercussions”. i am now considering uninviting them completely from the wedding. aita? edit/ [/INST] nta now you won't have **three** 3 year olds at your wedding. </s>
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AITA for saying I don't want to have any student midwives watching during my labour?
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i'm new to this so i'm just going to apologise now if i'm doing it wrong, sorry!
i'm currently 12 weeks pregnant and i was talking to my so about the labour and how i hope things go smoothly because they didn't last time and i'm quite terrified. a bit of background my son was prem, it was a very difficult and traumatising birth. he spent 4 weeks in the scbu ward.
i've been reading up on things to try and make it a positive experience this time around and although i know you can't control how labour goes one of the things was to make it as different as possible to your last birth. so i listed to my partner what things i can have different this time and not having a student midwife there was one of them.
with my labour it turned into a ventouse delivery because they needed to get him out asap and they asked if it would be okay if the student midwife watched because he'd never witnessed one of those births before. i agreed but mainly i think because i was in so much pain and on a lot of drugs.
so this time i've said i don't want anyone there who doesn't need to be there and my so said that would be unfair of me because i could be the reason this person takes longer to pass? (we're not so sure how becoming a qualified midwife works so we we're just guessing). i understand what he's saying but i just don't want to have anything the same as last time if i can help it. so said he'll support me whatever as i'm the one giving birth but i've thought about it and i'm now worried aita?
| 910 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gf79h7/aita_for_saying_i_dont_want_to_have_any_student/
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2020-05-07 14:11:06
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nta. birth is not spectator sport. my daughter was premature and i gave birth at a teaching hospital. the moment my daughter was crowning, the neonatologist brought in several ob/gyn students. i was so shocked and focused on pushing my kid out, i didn't even tell them to get the fuck out.
i don't remember consenting to having students watch my birth, but in any case, no, you are not the asshole here. with my next pregnancy and birth, i totally do not want any students watching me give birth.
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nta- you wouldn't be making it harder for that student to pass. it's your delivery, you get to choose who can be in the room with you. congratulations on the pregnancy, by the way, i hope everything goes down smoothly. good luck.
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nta
your so is taking out their ass you don’t owe student midwives shit, and that’s not even how this works. if they don’t see it in real life at the hospital there are plenty, and i mean plenty, of research videos of women having all sorts of childbirths. he’ll be fine. your so is clearly a compassionate person but he should be more worried about you and the baby then about the career of someone he doesn’t even know.
i’m dumbfounded honestly, it is bizarre to prioritize a college students course work over your loved ones comfort during fucking childbirth jesus fuck
so yeah nta, best of luck with the baby!
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nta
you should be comfortable as much as possible during your labour. don’t worry about the student’s academic reqs or whatever they needed, that’s the hospital’s problem.
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nah - i’m someone who always allows student doctors, nurses, assistants, etc there because i’m a bit of a medical anomaly in a couple of areas, so i’m just used to it and it’s never bothered me. but there’s a reason they ask you if you’re okay with it - it’s ultimately your call. there are enough people like me around to make up for the people who say no. at my last birth, (planned section as a result of increased scar tissue raising concerns about uterine rupture) i said yes so many times that there were two student nurses, a surgical student, a training nurse anesthetist, a training anesthesiologist, and a training pediatrician. (it was a teaching hospital, so the or room was gigantic!) everything went well, and we all had a grand old time cracking jokes and otherwise ignoring the fact that my insides were temporarily on my outside. due to blood type differences, my child was born jaundiced and we opted for natural treatment first, so we had lots of training professionals monitoring his progress as he improved so they could do the same for others. i find i get better treatment when there are more eyes because the person in charge has to take their time to teach, but it’s not like it really changes the course of treatment.
do what makes you most comfortable and feel the safest. your stress level during birth is one of the most important things to stay on top of. do what makes you happy, regardless of how other people would respond or react. you probably won’t even be the only person birthing a baby that day, so there will be other opportunities for the students.
congrats!
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nta
your comfort during labour is the top priority. especially given your history of a premature birth.
there will also be plenty of other opportunities for student midwives to what they need to do.
put your comfort first. what makes you happy and will relax you.
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nta and not abnormal at all.
it’s your delivery, it’s your choice.
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nta— you shouldn’t feel pressured. my story is similar— first baby was high risk at a teaching hospital and it was grand central station at the surgery room when she was born. things weren’t explained, i felt totally out of control, a student did my stitches and did a horrible job that messed me up. and the same student was there when we got a bad diagnosis and she was really unprofessional— discussed the baby in front of us but when we said “what? it’s a girl? what— baby has what?” she said she was talking about another baby— but it so obviously wasn’t and when we found out her diagnosis, that was clear. it was just a mess with her from day one but we kept getting stuck with her.
so i was the same— for #2, when i was asked, sometimes i said no. some things i said yes to— like my placenta was interesting and they wanted to show it to a student— i didn’t care, sure, weigh my healthy baby, sure. and one student was actually very helpful when i had a problem.
but feeling comfortable while giving birth is so important. don’t let them pressure you.
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nta. your so's argument is a little off. you have no responsibility whatsoever to worry about when or if this person passes. i actually don't think they have to wait for certain events in order to do so.
your responsibility is to yourself and your baby.
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nta my little cousin is a midwife in south london and they do rotations based on time period and then stick with a specialization. student midwives will have plenty of time to get experience, and honestly, that was a really callous thing to say about a deeply personal event
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm new to this so i'm just going to apologise now if i'm doing it wrong, sorry! i'm currently 12 weeks pregnant and i was talking to my so about the labour and how i hope things go smoothly because they didn't last time and i'm quite terrified. a bit of background my son was prem, it was a very difficult and traumatising birth. he spent 4 weeks in the scbu ward. i've been reading up on things to try and make it a positive experience this time around and although i know you can't control how labour goes one of the things was to make it as different as possible to your last birth. so i listed to my partner what things i can have different this time and not having a student midwife there was one of them. with my labour it turned into a ventouse delivery because they needed to get him out asap and they asked if it would be okay if the student midwife watched because he'd never witnessed one of those births before. i agreed but mainly i think because i was in so much pain and on a lot of drugs. so this time i've said i don't want anyone there who doesn't need to be there and my so said that would be unfair of me because i could be the reason this person takes longer to pass? (we're not so sure how becoming a qualified midwife works so we we're just guessing). i understand what he's saying but i just don't want to have anything the same as last time if i can help it. so said he'll support me whatever as i'm the one giving birth but i've thought about it and i'm now worried aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm new to this so i'm just going to apologise now if i'm doing it wrong, sorry! i'm currently 12 weeks pregnant and i was talking to my so about the labour and how i hope things go smoothly because they didn't last time and i'm quite terrified. a bit of background my son was prem, it was a very difficult and traumatising birth. he spent 4 weeks in the scbu ward. i've been reading up on things to try and make it a positive experience this time around and although i know you can't control how labour goes one of the things was to make it as different as possible to your last birth. so i listed to my partner what things i can have different this time and not having a student midwife there was one of them. with my labour it turned into a ventouse delivery because they needed to get him out asap and they asked if it would be okay if the student midwife watched because he'd never witnessed one of those births before. i agreed but mainly i think because i was in so much pain and on a lot of drugs. so this time i've said i don't want anyone there who doesn't need to be there and my so said that would be unfair of me because i could be the reason this person takes longer to pass? (we're not so sure how becoming a qualified midwife works so we we're just guessing). i understand what he's saying but i just don't want to have anything the same as last time if i can help it. so said he'll support me whatever as i'm the one giving birth but i've thought about it and i'm now worried aita? [/INST] nta. birth is not spectator sport. my daughter was premature and i gave birth at a teaching hospital. the moment my daughter was crowning, the neonatologist brought in several ob/gyn students. i was so shocked and focused on pushing my kid out, i didn't even tell them to get the fuck out. i don't remember consenting to having students watch my birth, but in any case, no, you are not the asshole here. with my next pregnancy and birth, i totally do not want any students watching me give birth. </s>
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AITA for ordering food and not telling my SO that I planned on eating my leftovers for dinner?
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i am sick. i asked my so if he could make a a pb&j. he said no; he was feeling under the weather. he offered to order me food.
i went to order the food, thai food, and asked him if he wanted anything. i told him he didnt have to buy my food and he still declined to get anything for himself.
this thai place always serves enough for two meals. i planned on having mine for dinner as well since we cant make food. 9 minutes before the order arrives, my so asks if we can split the food. i say no, i planned on having my extra for dinner.
he got upset saying that i should have told him that ahead of time. now he feels he has to spend more to order himself something.
aita for assuming it was my food to do what i want with?
| 566 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rz9thh/aita_for_ordering_food_and_not_telling_my_so_that/
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2022-01-08 20:58:23
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nta you asked if he wanted anything
this is like the cliché where one partner says they're not hungry then steals all the other one's fries.
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you offered, he said no, then he wanted to split. that's not your fault that he can't communicate. also, what kind of illness does he have that he can't make a damn sandwich? though i guess that could be said about you too. regardless, it just seems this is full of bad communication, mostly on his part.
nta
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**nta. your so was rude and presumptuous. given that you asked him specifically if he wanted any food and he said no, why would he think you were ordering anything to share with him?**
honestly, i'm always astonished at people's entitlement when it comes to these posts about takeout. the number of times someone has posted on the sub that a partner or family member has insisted that they "don't want food" and refused to order anything, and then demanded to eat part of someone else's meal is shocking. other people's food is . . . well, other people's. you don't get to eat anyone else's meal if they don't want you to. a fry or two? sure, but not half their meal. especially if they've given you the opportunity to order for yourself. you are nta, and your bf should have ordered himself noodles if he wanted some.
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nta. you asked him if he wanted something and he said no. he’s not entitled to half of your food.
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nta. you asked him if he wanted anything and he passed.
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nta. you asked if he wanted anything and he said no. it's not your fault you took him at his word when what he apparently meant was "i'm going to have half of yours".
fwiw, i've been married almost 13 years and my husband and i always assume the other person's food is theirs unless they specifically offer us some. if he orders something that i think looks really good and it makes me wish i'd ordered the same thing, that's on me. if i order something for takeout and he says he doesn't want anything then that's on him. leftovers are only up for grabs from day 3 onwards- those first 2 days after they're put in the fridge they're the original orderer's only unless that person says "you can have my leftover pizza (or whatever), i'm not going to eat it." perhaps you should discuss having a similar policy with your so?
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nta
that is some expert level manipulation on his end.
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nta. he said he did not want to get any food. you had no reason to think he would then want to split your food so you had no reason to tell him that ahead of time.
he needs to get over himself.
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plus why would he want to share your food if you're sick?
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nta your significant other should make up his mind faster
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am sick. i asked my so if he could make a a pb&j. he said no; he was feeling under the weather. he offered to order me food. i went to order the food, thai food, and asked him if he wanted anything. i told him he didnt have to buy my food and he still declined to get anything for himself. this thai place always serves enough for two meals. i planned on having mine for dinner as well since we cant make food. 9 minutes before the order arrives, my so asks if we can split the food. i say no, i planned on having my extra for dinner. he got upset saying that i should have told him that ahead of time. now he feels he has to spend more to order himself something. aita for assuming it was my food to do what i want with?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am sick. i asked my so if he could make a a pb&j. he said no; he was feeling under the weather. he offered to order me food. i went to order the food, thai food, and asked him if he wanted anything. i told him he didnt have to buy my food and he still declined to get anything for himself. this thai place always serves enough for two meals. i planned on having mine for dinner as well since we cant make food. 9 minutes before the order arrives, my so asks if we can split the food. i say no, i planned on having my extra for dinner. he got upset saying that i should have told him that ahead of time. now he feels he has to spend more to order himself something. aita for assuming it was my food to do what i want with? [/INST] nta you asked if he wanted anything this is like the cliché where one partner says they're not hungry then steals all the other one's fries. </s>
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AITA for calling out a couple for grab-a**ing at the gym?
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i got into a small confrontation at the gym just now with a couple who had been acting inappropriately the whole time i was working out. the girl was rubbing her butt all over the guys crotch, he was grabbing her ass while "spotting" her, they were steamily making out, etc. i wasn't going to say anything but i had to walk right by them on my way out and they were in the middle of kissing so i got their attention and reminded them that they were in a public place and their behavior is off-putting. they were immediately upset with me because i interrupted their instagram video! the guy kept telling me i should mind my business and i kept pointing out that since they're in public it is my business, and all the other people that may not want to watch them snog. the girl seemed a little nicer and tried to explain that she's "instagram famous" and makes a lot of money making these videos so she has to. watching them was like watching some serious foreplay and i told them i didn't come to the gym to be on their date. am i the asshole here??
| 529 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wxhquu/aita_for_calling_out_a_couple_for_grabaing_at_the/
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2022-08-25 15:50:44
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nta, glad somebody told them. being instagram famous is not an excuse to be so offensive, especially in a public place. maybe next time report them to management.
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nta. you're a hero for standing up to these asshole. only thing that infuriates me about this story, is that it didn't end with everybody clapping.
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nta. did you report to gym management?
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nta. of course not. that’s a literal cultural moré; you do not just perform any kind of sex act in public around, especially around others, and without any consent. it’d be wrong of them if they were just into and not getting paid, and it’s wrong if they are getting paid. it’s wrong either way bc they are breaking a super common social rule, and i’m usually pretty big on examining if we should dismantle those…
i hope you know if someone is making you feel uncomfortable at a public place, it’s usually a good idea to find someone who works there and let them know so they can handle it however the my see fit. it can be dangerous to instigate things yourself, you just never know with people.
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i can't wait for the "influencer" trend to pass. and tic toc and instagram too. so annoying.
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nta - gyms have codes of conduct, most especially do not allow filming and i can't see any wanting to allow potentially lewd behaviour because all ages use them
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nta, tell them to buy a home gym with all their instagram money
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nta these instagram and tik tok people are ridiculous and rude.
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nta the gym is for working out and unless you have prior permission to record and make sure you stay out of everyone's way, you shouldn't be recording. you did the right thing by calling them out, god bless you, you glorious bastard.
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nta - pda is ok, but this is outright not ok. you should let management know that they admitted to filming what you perceived to be soft core porn in their gym and she admitted that she makes her money doing this… this is not ok.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i got into a small confrontation at the gym just now with a couple who had been acting inappropriately the whole time i was working out. the girl was rubbing her butt all over the guys crotch, he was grabbing her ass while "spotting" her, they were steamily making out, etc. i wasn't going to say anything but i had to walk right by them on my way out and they were in the middle of kissing so i got their attention and reminded them that they were in a public place and their behavior is off-putting. they were immediately upset with me because i interrupted their instagram video! the guy kept telling me i should mind my business and i kept pointing out that since they're in public it is my business, and all the other people that may not want to watch them snog. the girl seemed a little nicer and tried to explain that she's "instagram famous" and makes a lot of money making these videos so she has to. watching them was like watching some serious foreplay and i told them i didn't come to the gym to be on their date. am i the asshole here??
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i got into a small confrontation at the gym just now with a couple who had been acting inappropriately the whole time i was working out. the girl was rubbing her butt all over the guys crotch, he was grabbing her ass while "spotting" her, they were steamily making out, etc. i wasn't going to say anything but i had to walk right by them on my way out and they were in the middle of kissing so i got their attention and reminded them that they were in a public place and their behavior is off-putting. they were immediately upset with me because i interrupted their instagram video! the guy kept telling me i should mind my business and i kept pointing out that since they're in public it is my business, and all the other people that may not want to watch them snog. the girl seemed a little nicer and tried to explain that she's "instagram famous" and makes a lot of money making these videos so she has to. watching them was like watching some serious foreplay and i told them i didn't come to the gym to be on their date. am i the asshole here?? [/INST] nta, glad somebody told them. being instagram famous is not an excuse to be so offensive, especially in a public place. maybe next time report them to management. </s>
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AITA for snapping at my best friend over her concerns on my eating habits?
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for some context: i (26 f) have been friends with anna (not her real name, 27 f) for almost eleven years. anna is extremely important to me because she is the first friend i made at school when my family moved to our current country. she's currently studying to be a nutritionist.
being my best friend, she knows some things about me that no one else does, mainly, that i have big body image issues and some trouble with my eating habits because of it. in my culture, beauty and self presentation are extremely important, and i grew up being constantly told i should strive to be a pageant winner and beauty queen, so my parents had always been on top of everything i ate and super judgy on any fast food or sweets i treated myself to. this led to me feeling guilty over anything "unhealthy" in my diet, among other issues.
&#x200b;
now, lately i've been feeling a lot better about myself, so last friday i decided to treat myself and went to a pub with my coworkers, had a couple of beers and decided to post a story on instagram. i woke up the next morning to a repply from anna telling me to "eat better, dammit!", and being a sensitive issue to me, i tried to laugh it off, but she insisted and told me "i'd get a beer gut for not taking care of myself".
it is not the first time she's told me something like this, so i snapped. i told her i wasn't going to die over a couple beers and proceeded to remind her why those kind of comments feel hurtful to me, and that it hurt coming from her, specially since she's seen me cry and lock myself in my room over the years because of it. i didn't use any bad words or insults, but i admit i was a bit agressive in my stance.
anna got upset and said she's concerned and just wants to take care of me, that she's not a mind reader to know i'd be so affected by a single passing comment, she just wants to see me happy and healthy because we're friends and she loves me and feels its her duty as a soon-to-be nutritionist. she also reasoned that since we now live a couple hours away, she can only know about my eating habits from what i post, and well, i don't go taking pictures of my salads and granola cups daily.
&#x200b;
aita for getting angry at her?
| 374 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/enpknx/aita_for_snapping_at_my_best_friend_over_her/
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2020-01-12 16:33:13
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nta.
it is absolutely not her duty as a nutritionist to judge your diet (out loud) or offer her opinion unless you ask. any more than it's a doctor's business to offer medical advice or a fashion advisor's business to criticize your wardrobe or a mom to instruct pregnant lady friends. she needs to learn this sooner rather than later.
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nta
you control what you eat.
she controls expressing her concerns in a polite manner. which is where she failed.
you control setting boundaries on what you will discuss with her. “my food choices are not up for discussion. you’ve expressed your concerns. now i control what i eat.”
stick to your boundaries and what you control.
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nta. soon-to-be anythings are the worst. they aren't experts yet, but the think they are and they look for any opportunity to wiggle that "expertise" into a conversation.
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[deleted]
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nta.
but first of all. she’s not a nutritionist. she’s apparently still studying to be one.
second of all, she should probably learn that unsolicited advice, in the form of demands, is never welcome, regardless of the job. and, just telling someone to “eat better, dammit” is not a nutritionist. if it was, i could make shitloads of money. lol.
also, you’re right, you gotta treat yourself sometimes.
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nta
but anna sure is. i had a bff in hs/college like this. (plus a few other similar ppl in my life.)she loved to focus and comment jn my bad habits but i was never allowed to mention hers ot i was insensitive and mean.
it's a power strategy to keep the dynamics of the realtionship in her favor.
i no longer have those ppl in my life (i do see my old bff about twice a yr) and i am much happier for it!
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nta
unsolicited advice about your eating is not her primary duty to you op, being a friend is. a beer here or there won't hurt you, so long as you are not going to the pub every day and binging on greasy foods.
she should know better than to say these kinds of comments to her friend with self image issues and if this is how she is going to act towards someone she knows has these issues, she may find it tough to be a nutritionist to strangers that are not as forthcoming to her with their issues and would just not go back to her.
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nta and as a dietitian a lot of our schooling is how to help people eat healthier without making people obsessed with eating and super restrictive as that can lead to disordered eating which is worse for people’s health.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for some context: i (26 f) have been friends with anna (not her real name, 27 f) for almost eleven years. anna is extremely important to me because she is the first friend i made at school when my family moved to our current country. she's currently studying to be a nutritionist. being my best friend, she knows some things about me that no one else does, mainly, that i have big body image issues and some trouble with my eating habits because of it. in my culture, beauty and self presentation are extremely important, and i grew up being constantly told i should strive to be a pageant winner and beauty queen, so my parents had always been on top of everything i ate and super judgy on any fast food or sweets i treated myself to. this led to me feeling guilty over anything "unhealthy" in my diet, among other issues. &#x200b; now, lately i've been feeling a lot better about myself, so last friday i decided to treat myself and went to a pub with my coworkers, had a couple of beers and decided to post a story on instagram. i woke up the next morning to a repply from anna telling me to "eat better, dammit!", and being a sensitive issue to me, i tried to laugh it off, but she insisted and told me "i'd get a beer gut for not taking care of myself". it is not the first time she's told me something like this, so i snapped. i told her i wasn't going to die over a couple beers and proceeded to remind her why those kind of comments feel hurtful to me, and that it hurt coming from her, specially since she's seen me cry and lock myself in my room over the years because of it. i didn't use any bad words or insults, but i admit i was a bit agressive in my stance. anna got upset and said she's concerned and just wants to take care of me, that she's not a mind reader to know i'd be so affected by a single passing comment, she just wants to see me happy and healthy because we're friends and she loves me and feels its her duty as a soon-to-be nutritionist. she also reasoned that since we now live a couple hours away, she can only know about my eating habits from what i post, and well, i don't go taking pictures of my salads and granola cups daily. &#x200b; aita for getting angry at her?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for some context: i (26 f) have been friends with anna (not her real name, 27 f) for almost eleven years. anna is extremely important to me because she is the first friend i made at school when my family moved to our current country. she's currently studying to be a nutritionist. being my best friend, she knows some things about me that no one else does, mainly, that i have big body image issues and some trouble with my eating habits because of it. in my culture, beauty and self presentation are extremely important, and i grew up being constantly told i should strive to be a pageant winner and beauty queen, so my parents had always been on top of everything i ate and super judgy on any fast food or sweets i treated myself to. this led to me feeling guilty over anything "unhealthy" in my diet, among other issues. &#x200b; now, lately i've been feeling a lot better about myself, so last friday i decided to treat myself and went to a pub with my coworkers, had a couple of beers and decided to post a story on instagram. i woke up the next morning to a repply from anna telling me to "eat better, dammit!", and being a sensitive issue to me, i tried to laugh it off, but she insisted and told me "i'd get a beer gut for not taking care of myself". it is not the first time she's told me something like this, so i snapped. i told her i wasn't going to die over a couple beers and proceeded to remind her why those kind of comments feel hurtful to me, and that it hurt coming from her, specially since she's seen me cry and lock myself in my room over the years because of it. i didn't use any bad words or insults, but i admit i was a bit agressive in my stance. anna got upset and said she's concerned and just wants to take care of me, that she's not a mind reader to know i'd be so affected by a single passing comment, she just wants to see me happy and healthy because we're friends and she loves me and feels its her duty as a soon-to-be nutritionist. she also reasoned that since we now live a couple hours away, she can only know about my eating habits from what i post, and well, i don't go taking pictures of my salads and granola cups daily. &#x200b; aita for getting angry at her? [/INST] nta. it is absolutely not her duty as a nutritionist to judge your diet (out loud) or offer her opinion unless you ask. any more than it's a doctor's business to offer medical advice or a fashion advisor's business to criticize your wardrobe or a mom to instruct pregnant lady friends. she needs to learn this sooner rather than later. </s>
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AITA for not forgiving my sister
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my sister and i have had a tumultuous relationship for years. when i was pregnant with my son my counselor suggested a date with my husband's with no phones. we went, and after i saw a text from my sister and responded. but it was a short response. she started railing on me about how i never talk to her anymore and everyone in the world probably knows if i'm having a boy or girl except her and she is my sister so she should know first. my gender ultrasound was the next day so i didn't even know yet. when i told her this she called me all kinds of dirty names. i blocked her on every thing (this isn't the first time she's done something like this). that night she sent me a long email about how i need to get right with god; and that she is going to call cps and have my baby taken from me as soon as it is born, and also tell my husband the baby isn't his to split up our marriage. if that didn't work she would find another way to get my husband to leave me. now my dad is telling me i need to be the bigger person and apologize for my part in the argument and forgive her for her part. aita for not wanting to do that?
| 1,522 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y6e4gs/aita_for_not_forgiving_my_sister/
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2022-10-17 15:31:44
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nta - forgive her? i wouldn’t even forgive dad for bringing that up. forever nc. you don’t owe it to anyone to stay in a toxic relationship.
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hellllllllll no.
you don't need to apologize when your sister is the asshole. you didn't do anything wrong. she did.
also, you might want to show the texts to your husband, just so hard not tricked and blindsided later by whatever's she's planning. also, since it could potentially involve your child, he needs to be put in the loop as well.
nta
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i’m confused:
•your sister wants to call cps on you for no reason?
•she wants to split your marriage up?
•your dad is telling you that you somehow caused your sister to go crazy?
nta: i don’t know what you did wrong
i wouldn’t forgive my sister and dad. i assume your dad has a history of siding with your sister just to appease her
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nta - it sounds like your sister has mental health issues
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nta and there needs to at least be a mental health intervention with your sister if not a police intervention. she sounds dangerously unstable. good move blocking her, i'd go no contact immediately, both with her and with any relative who with reasonable understanding of the facts attacks you instead if her.
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please document, record, screen shot and save any interactions with your sister. she is unwell and apparently jealous. she sounds like she will have no qualms causing trouble for you.
what exactly are you supposed to apologize for?
nta
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nta and it's disgusting that anyone would try to convince you that you are. not only is what your sister doing despicable, but causing you undue stress during pregnancy is unhealthy for you and your baby. block anyone who doesn't understand that and wait for *them* to make a sincere apology to *you* before even considering letting them back in.
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what part are you supposed to apologise for exactly? not getting the ultrasound before she called? not encouraging her to call cps / break up your marriage? which part exactly?
nta obviously. anyone who starts a fight over nothing is free to be the bigger person.
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it's not your dad's place to tell you what to do in this situation. your sister sounds like a very unwell person, and you would do well to go lc or nc with her until you have some sort of concrete evidence that she has ceased this sort of behaviour.
you *might* choose to forgive her when she stops this sort of behavour and expresses some remorse for the hurt she has caused. or you might not.
either way, you are nta.
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nta
tell your father you want nothing to do with her anymore - threats to call cps aren’t something that should be taken lightly.
show your husband and close friends you trust the messages. tell your doctor too so they can note it and testify against your sister if she pulls this. start planning your will and make sure guardianship doesn’t pass to your sister.
also call cps on yourself, tell them what’s up and let them do a tour of your home. then they’ll note down what’s up and are less likely to take your baby away
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister and i have had a tumultuous relationship for years. when i was pregnant with my son my counselor suggested a date with my husband's with no phones. we went, and after i saw a text from my sister and responded. but it was a short response. she started railing on me about how i never talk to her anymore and everyone in the world probably knows if i'm having a boy or girl except her and she is my sister so she should know first. my gender ultrasound was the next day so i didn't even know yet. when i told her this she called me all kinds of dirty names. i blocked her on every thing (this isn't the first time she's done something like this). that night she sent me a long email about how i need to get right with god; and that she is going to call cps and have my baby taken from me as soon as it is born, and also tell my husband the baby isn't his to split up our marriage. if that didn't work she would find another way to get my husband to leave me. now my dad is telling me i need to be the bigger person and apologize for my part in the argument and forgive her for her part. aita for not wanting to do that?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister and i have had a tumultuous relationship for years. when i was pregnant with my son my counselor suggested a date with my husband's with no phones. we went, and after i saw a text from my sister and responded. but it was a short response. she started railing on me about how i never talk to her anymore and everyone in the world probably knows if i'm having a boy or girl except her and she is my sister so she should know first. my gender ultrasound was the next day so i didn't even know yet. when i told her this she called me all kinds of dirty names. i blocked her on every thing (this isn't the first time she's done something like this). that night she sent me a long email about how i need to get right with god; and that she is going to call cps and have my baby taken from me as soon as it is born, and also tell my husband the baby isn't his to split up our marriage. if that didn't work she would find another way to get my husband to leave me. now my dad is telling me i need to be the bigger person and apologize for my part in the argument and forgive her for her part. aita for not wanting to do that? [/INST] nta - forgive her? i wouldn’t even forgive dad for bringing that up. forever nc. you don’t owe it to anyone to stay in a toxic relationship. </s>
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AITA For Telling My Mom That It's Her Own Fault That I Have A "Favorite Sister"?
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throwaway account
i (25m) have two younger sisters "kelly" (13f) is my mom (44f) and stepdad's child and my other sister "lori" (5f) is my dad's (44m) daughter. my parents had me young which is why there's a huge age gap between me and my siblings. my parents did think that they were truly in love and had me to try and prove to their families that it would last. obviously not and they divorced when i was 6.
now it was obvious that their marriage was a hectic one and should've never happened in the first place but the straw that broke the camel's back was when my mom cheated on my dad. i know that i didn't like my parents fighting all the time but that didn't mean i wanted them to divorce and was really hurt by it. there was even doubts about my dad being my dad and a paternity test was taken when establishing child support. i am my dad's kid and 50/50 custody was decided by the courts.
it was challenging at first but i eventually learned to cope and was getting on with my life until my mom announced she was getting re-married to "ken" (52m) a.k.a. the guy my mom cheated on my dad with. they had re-connected when i was about 9 and got married and had kelly when i was 12-13 and i hated it. ken will always be the guy who helped hurt my dad and ruined my family. i did not want to go to the wedding but was forced to and refused to smile in any of the pictures. when i was 14 i asked my dad if i could stay with him full-time and would always make some excuse to minimize time with my mom.
she'd always tried to push kelly on me but i just wasn't interested since, you know, i was teen and she was a toddler. eventually, my dad met and married my stepmom "jill" (39f) and they had lori. she is absolutely adorable and i love her to pieces. we video chat multiple times a week and it's not uncommon for her to spend the night at my place.
recently my mom confronted me about not being as involved in kelly's life the way i am with lori and i nonchalantly admitted to loving lori. she called me cruel and i told her that if it was so important to her that i be a good big brother to her kids then she shouldn't have had them with ken. she knows i still don't like the guy and distancing myself from kelly is just a by-product of that. now my mom's gotten her parents and siblings to rag on me when i was just being honest how i felt. aita?
| 3,184 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tqfdxl/aita_for_telling_my_mom_that_its_her_own_fault/
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2022-03-28 18:05:54
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nta, it would be one thing if kelly was the one that is hurting, but if it's just your mom's feelings that ain't your problem.
though if kelly does want a relationship i would say to at least give her a chance. the girl is neither your mother nor her father. and may be in need of big brother, especially as she goes though her teens.
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nta.
harsh words, but really, your mom should have seen that coming.
as long as you don't treat the kid cruelly and merely keep your distance, that is your choice.
also there seems to be some unresolved issues in the backround so maybe a trip to the therapist to clear some of that out?
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nta, your response that "if being a big brother to her kids is important she shouldn't have had them with ken" was perfect! just tell anyone who rags on you that your mother "trying to weaponize other members of the family to force you to change your mind is only making you more certain that your decision to distance yourself from her side of the family was the correct one".
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nta, it makes complete sense that you'd want to reduce contact with your mum after she cheated on your dad and then tried to push her new happy family on you.
also, your interest in a new baby when you were 12 years old versus 20 is naturally gonna be very different.
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gonna get hate, but nta as long as you stay civil to kelly. you can't force a child to love a half sib, and it is your mom's duty to live with what she has done. my parents divorced over adultery, and if a kid was born out of it i would have very hard time to deal with them. you still were a child when she broke your family and kelly will always be the daughter of the man who was your mom's lover.
let the cheater handle the weight of their stupidity.
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nta
op is 25, old enough to decide he doesn’t want to have a relationship with his stepdad and half-sister. that’s his choice.
he will be an asshole if he rocks up twenty years later asking for something from stepdad and stepsis after making this decision.
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nta you are under no obligation to like kelly and you never even bond with her so i get why you don't see her like you see lori.
you would be an ass if you bullied her.
if one day, when kelly is older and wants to meet you far away from her dad, please don't automatically say no. she might be an awesome kid like lori seems to be.
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nta is not your job to like your moms new life and you don't have to be involved with your step sibling just because your mom is trying to force it. i think you should go no contact if her side is harassing you that much.
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while the way you expressed it might not be the best, you are entitled to your feelings. i assume you aren't diligently bullying kelly, but rather live your life without including her (or your mom for the matter). it's very easy to read this and think "oh this guy is still mad at his mom and stepdad ??" until we "try those shoes" so to speak.
your mom can't really force a relationship and her comment probably only made the gap fee or. this to say kelly isn't the one at fault, since she has no choice in any of this.
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nta you have a lot of past feelings of anger and pain that you have not been able to let go of. therapy to help you deal with it might not be a bad idea. unfortunately like you said you have sisters caught the byproduct of these feelings. anytime someone tries to force another person into something it's going to cause more resentment. your half sister killing might be a wonderful person unfortunately due to circumstances beyond either of your control and your mother's forcing the situation things are where they are. i don't think holding this grudge against the half sibling is going to help you in the long run. with that being said i still think you are nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway account i (25m) have two younger sisters "kelly" (13f) is my mom (44f) and stepdad's child and my other sister "lori" (5f) is my dad's (44m) daughter. my parents had me young which is why there's a huge age gap between me and my siblings. my parents did think that they were truly in love and had me to try and prove to their families that it would last. obviously not and they divorced when i was 6. now it was obvious that their marriage was a hectic one and should've never happened in the first place but the straw that broke the camel's back was when my mom cheated on my dad. i know that i didn't like my parents fighting all the time but that didn't mean i wanted them to divorce and was really hurt by it. there was even doubts about my dad being my dad and a paternity test was taken when establishing child support. i am my dad's kid and 50/50 custody was decided by the courts. it was challenging at first but i eventually learned to cope and was getting on with my life until my mom announced she was getting re-married to "ken" (52m) a.k.a. the guy my mom cheated on my dad with. they had re-connected when i was about 9 and got married and had kelly when i was 12-13 and i hated it. ken will always be the guy who helped hurt my dad and ruined my family. i did not want to go to the wedding but was forced to and refused to smile in any of the pictures. when i was 14 i asked my dad if i could stay with him full-time and would always make some excuse to minimize time with my mom. she'd always tried to push kelly on me but i just wasn't interested since, you know, i was teen and she was a toddler. eventually, my dad met and married my stepmom "jill" (39f) and they had lori. she is absolutely adorable and i love her to pieces. we video chat multiple times a week and it's not uncommon for her to spend the night at my place. recently my mom confronted me about not being as involved in kelly's life the way i am with lori and i nonchalantly admitted to loving lori. she called me cruel and i told her that if it was so important to her that i be a good big brother to her kids then she shouldn't have had them with ken. she knows i still don't like the guy and distancing myself from kelly is just a by-product of that. now my mom's gotten her parents and siblings to rag on me when i was just being honest how i felt. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account i (25m) have two younger sisters "kelly" (13f) is my mom (44f) and stepdad's child and my other sister "lori" (5f) is my dad's (44m) daughter. my parents had me young which is why there's a huge age gap between me and my siblings. my parents did think that they were truly in love and had me to try and prove to their families that it would last. obviously not and they divorced when i was 6. now it was obvious that their marriage was a hectic one and should've never happened in the first place but the straw that broke the camel's back was when my mom cheated on my dad. i know that i didn't like my parents fighting all the time but that didn't mean i wanted them to divorce and was really hurt by it. there was even doubts about my dad being my dad and a paternity test was taken when establishing child support. i am my dad's kid and 50/50 custody was decided by the courts. it was challenging at first but i eventually learned to cope and was getting on with my life until my mom announced she was getting re-married to "ken" (52m) a.k.a. the guy my mom cheated on my dad with. they had re-connected when i was about 9 and got married and had kelly when i was 12-13 and i hated it. ken will always be the guy who helped hurt my dad and ruined my family. i did not want to go to the wedding but was forced to and refused to smile in any of the pictures. when i was 14 i asked my dad if i could stay with him full-time and would always make some excuse to minimize time with my mom. she'd always tried to push kelly on me but i just wasn't interested since, you know, i was teen and she was a toddler. eventually, my dad met and married my stepmom "jill" (39f) and they had lori. she is absolutely adorable and i love her to pieces. we video chat multiple times a week and it's not uncommon for her to spend the night at my place. recently my mom confronted me about not being as involved in kelly's life the way i am with lori and i nonchalantly admitted to loving lori. she called me cruel and i told her that if it was so important to her that i be a good big brother to her kids then she shouldn't have had them with ken. she knows i still don't like the guy and distancing myself from kelly is just a by-product of that. now my mom's gotten her parents and siblings to rag on me when i was just being honest how i felt. aita? [/INST] nta, it would be one thing if kelly was the one that is hurting, but if it's just your mom's feelings that ain't your problem. though if kelly does want a relationship i would say to at least give her a chance. the girl is neither your mother nor her father. and may be in need of big brother, especially as she goes though her teens. </s>
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AITA for refusing to buy something from my brother and his STB wife's registry and just made a charitable donation on their behalf?
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i was going through their registry and it seems awfully excessive like a $400 ralph lauren vanity picture frame or a $300 for a 24 piece flatware? they are well-off, much better off than their guests so i find it tacky/trashy asking for such expensive gifts. instead, i made a $250 charitable donation to an animal sanctuary in their name. i told them and they were pretty angry and asked i couldn't i just gotten them a gift or the cash.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eq936n/aita_for_refusing_to_buy_something_from_my/
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2020-01-18 00:23:43
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yta. you could have just given them a monetary gift, which is what 99 percent of people did for us since we did not need anything. instead you make a donation to someone else in their name, which does nothing to help them.
also, $300 for a silverware set is out of your price range but a $250 donation isn't? sounds to me like you just took a holier than thou attitude.
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yta.
it’s seems pretty clear you did this to piss them off.
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yta. donating to a charity that you support but don't know if the other person supports is tacky. it's virtue signalling and people only do it to make themselves feel good about themselves. you could have bought anything, you didn't have to choose from the registry.
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yta. a registry is a suggestion, so you can buy something off of it (which you can afford, if you are dropping $250 anyway) or buy something different that is meaningful to your relationship.
you did neither of these, but chose this moment to be a virtue-signaling ass.
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yta- at least give them the receipt so they can put it towards their taxes- not much of a gift if they are paying for an expensive wedding and you keep the tax receipt for your own taxes. passive aggressive bs, you are trying to punish them because you think their registry is too expensive. give them the cash equivalent of the per head cost of the dinner for you and your date if you don’t like the registry.
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yta, from the post you made it is pretty clear you did this to stick it to them. you made your point , but at what cost.
is it really up to you to decide what is appropriate to be on the registry?
you could have just not given them anything but instead you kind of gave them the middle finger
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yta. you could have just given them a gift certificate in the amount you felt comfortable with to a store where they registered.
you didn't get them a gift. you gave them attitude and judgement. you don't even mention it was a charity they particularly cared about.
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yta. by your actions, you are literally flipping the bird at your brother and his fiance's materialism. a wedding is not the time and place to do that.
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yta. you're casting judgment on what they asked for? why? tacky? trashy? pot meet kettle.
now for the record me and my wife didn't register... or ask for any money, but registries are suggestions and are a tradition. a lot of the times it's old folks and parents friend wanting to lavish the happy couple with something that they'll be forever remembered. it's the time that you ask for things that you might not always buy yourself. i know plenty of couples young and old who still own flatware that they got from their wedding.
and if you say, i couldn't or didn't want to afford an expensive item. that's just an excuse. you could've gone in with a friend or family member.
judgment reeks in your post. you chose to throw away 60% of the money, just because you didn't like what they registered for. then you chose to throw it distastefully in their face right before their wedding.
you know your brother. you hopefully want to get to know your sister in law. you could've maybe thought about them and got them a gift that only you would know they liked. at least your intention would've been to get him a gift instead of spitting in his and his new wife's face.
you owe them an apology. or better yet, send them an actual heartfelt gift. it's the least price you can pay to repair your own dignity.
with siblings like this. jeez.
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yta. you could have chosen anything- you’re his sister, so a more personal gift would be not only welcomed, but cherished. instead of making a choice, any choice, that would demonstrate your love for your brother and your joy in his marriage, you did something that he won’t likely forget (and she never will!)- you not only judged them and their lifestyle, but you chose a gift that said so. then you told them about your non-gift and expected...joy?
even if you think their list is tacky, you can give a gift that you want to give.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was going through their registry and it seems awfully excessive like a $400 ralph lauren vanity picture frame or a $300 for a 24 piece flatware? they are well-off, much better off than their guests so i find it tacky/trashy asking for such expensive gifts. instead, i made a $250 charitable donation to an animal sanctuary in their name. i told them and they were pretty angry and asked i couldn't i just gotten them a gift or the cash.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i was going through their registry and it seems awfully excessive like a $400 ralph lauren vanity picture frame or a $300 for a 24 piece flatware? they are well-off, much better off than their guests so i find it tacky/trashy asking for such expensive gifts. instead, i made a $250 charitable donation to an animal sanctuary in their name. i told them and they were pretty angry and asked i couldn't i just gotten them a gift or the cash. [/INST] yta. you could have just given them a monetary gift, which is what 99 percent of people did for us since we did not need anything. instead you make a donation to someone else in their name, which does nothing to help them. also, $300 for a silverware set is out of your price range but a $250 donation isn't? sounds to me like you just took a holier than thou attitude. </s>
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AITA for not letting a kid pat my dog?
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i have a beautiful bernese mountain dog who is 7 months old. he pretty much comes everywhere with me, and people always stop us to say hi and pat him. he is adorable and an unusual breed so i really don’t blame them. most people ask if it’s ok to pat him, and even those who don’t ask will usually just give him a quick pat and be on their way.
when he was a puppy, maybe only 10 weeks old, i was out for breakfast with a friend and he was with us. he was the most adorable ball of fluff and everybody wanted to pat him - all good, i would want to if i saw him out in public too. out of nowhere this father brings up his infant (not yet walking) son and puts him right up in my dogs face. he was so lucky that my dog instinctively knew to be gentle, because he was at an age where he wanted to bite everything with his little puppy teeth and jump and play.
i told off the dad for a) not asking first, and b) putting his kid’s face right in my dog’s face. he was pretty offended and took his son and left. whatever. i didn’t really think much of it, and figured that he was 100% in the wrong and was irresponsible.
more recently my friend who was there brought it up with another friend and they agreed that i was rude for telling the dad off. basically their argument is that i shouldn’t of got a cute/uncommon breed if i didn’t want people to pat him. in addition to that, if he wasn’t friendly i shouldn’t take him out in public. i’m kind of stumped by this, i still think i was in the right, but maybe i’m biased? aita??
[puppy tax](https://imgur.com/gallery/fu8umxq)
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/exm4yv/aita_for_not_letting_a_kid_pat_my_dog/
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2020-02-02 09:38:35
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nta, your friends are idiots and clearly not dog owners. you can have the friendliest pup in the work but unexpected situations can return unexpected results - they are still dogs after all.
would you ever touch someone else’s baby without asking? no? then don’t touch someone’s dog without asking. it’s simple
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nta. he would have called your dog a bad dog/been upset in a heart beat if it had bitten his child even though *he placed the child in your puppy’s face*. you should always ask before attempting anything with a dog you don’t know, period. also, puppy tax please.
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100% nta.
you should never! just approach a dog and pat it, regardless of the breed. you’ve no idea how it was bought up or if it’s friendly. children need to be taught this, if anyone pats my dog without asking i tell them to stop, if they ask then it’s fine, or if i offer.
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nta. your friend is just being confrontational. having a cute puppy does not give people permission to touch it without your consent. sounds sort of like a “she was asking to get sexually assaulted because she showed cleavage” argument. nope, doesn’t work like that.
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nta. dad was beyond irresponsible. it’s not okay to pet someone else’s dog without permission, it is even less okay to stuff a toddler into the face of an unknown puppy. you friends are wrong.
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yeah for all he knows the dog could’ve bitten him. i would if someone was in my face. and it would be their fault anywho
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nta! that is a scary, uncertain situation, and even friendly dogs can react poorly with something being shoved right in their face. even if your reaction could have been gentler, that dad needs to realize that was not ok and his child could jave been hurt.
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nta
service dogs can be any breed, don't need to wear anything labeling them as service dogs, and can not be interrupted while working. are you supposed to let anyone pet him if you were training him to be a service dog? no. it's no different. the dad is in the wrong. all the people who did not ask are in the wrong. you always ask before touching someone's dog. they could be in training or actively working. it doesn't matter the breed.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a beautiful bernese mountain dog who is 7 months old. he pretty much comes everywhere with me, and people always stop us to say hi and pat him. he is adorable and an unusual breed so i really don’t blame them. most people ask if it’s ok to pat him, and even those who don’t ask will usually just give him a quick pat and be on their way. when he was a puppy, maybe only 10 weeks old, i was out for breakfast with a friend and he was with us. he was the most adorable ball of fluff and everybody wanted to pat him - all good, i would want to if i saw him out in public too. out of nowhere this father brings up his infant (not yet walking) son and puts him right up in my dogs face. he was so lucky that my dog instinctively knew to be gentle, because he was at an age where he wanted to bite everything with his little puppy teeth and jump and play. i told off the dad for a) not asking first, and b) putting his kid’s face right in my dog’s face. he was pretty offended and took his son and left. whatever. i didn’t really think much of it, and figured that he was 100% in the wrong and was irresponsible. more recently my friend who was there brought it up with another friend and they agreed that i was rude for telling the dad off. basically their argument is that i shouldn’t of got a cute/uncommon breed if i didn’t want people to pat him. in addition to that, if he wasn’t friendly i shouldn’t take him out in public. i’m kind of stumped by this, i still think i was in the right, but maybe i’m biased? aita?? [puppy tax](https://imgur.com/gallery/fu8umxq)
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have a beautiful bernese mountain dog who is 7 months old. he pretty much comes everywhere with me, and people always stop us to say hi and pat him. he is adorable and an unusual breed so i really don’t blame them. most people ask if it’s ok to pat him, and even those who don’t ask will usually just give him a quick pat and be on their way. when he was a puppy, maybe only 10 weeks old, i was out for breakfast with a friend and he was with us. he was the most adorable ball of fluff and everybody wanted to pat him - all good, i would want to if i saw him out in public too. out of nowhere this father brings up his infant (not yet walking) son and puts him right up in my dogs face. he was so lucky that my dog instinctively knew to be gentle, because he was at an age where he wanted to bite everything with his little puppy teeth and jump and play. i told off the dad for a) not asking first, and b) putting his kid’s face right in my dog’s face. he was pretty offended and took his son and left. whatever. i didn’t really think much of it, and figured that he was 100% in the wrong and was irresponsible. more recently my friend who was there brought it up with another friend and they agreed that i was rude for telling the dad off. basically their argument is that i shouldn’t of got a cute/uncommon breed if i didn’t want people to pat him. in addition to that, if he wasn’t friendly i shouldn’t take him out in public. i’m kind of stumped by this, i still think i was in the right, but maybe i’m biased? aita?? [puppy tax](https://imgur.com/gallery/fu8umxq) [/INST] nta, your friends are idiots and clearly not dog owners. you can have the friendliest pup in the work but unexpected situations can return unexpected results - they are still dogs after all. would you ever touch someone else’s baby without asking? no? then don’t touch someone’s dog without asking. it’s simple </s>
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AITA for not donating blood despite being a universal donor? (blood type O-)
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here's the whole family tree bloodline: my mother is a- and my father is b-, my grandparents on my father/aunt's side are both b-, all my siblings are a- except for me, i'm an o- by chance.
my aunt is the only other person who's an o- in the family and she passed away this year. she used to always donate blood and was very proud (& vocal) of it. that's great, i'm glad she got joy in helping others.
my cousin, her daughter, wanted to start donating blood in her memory however turns out she's an a+. she still can donate and help people but in her words it won't help as many since she can donate to less blood types. so my cousin goes around asking family members' blood types during a gathering and once she finds out that i'm also an o- she gets excited.
she wants me to start donating (on a regular basis, not one time) as in to honour my aunt's legacy. i more or less dodged the question because i didn't like being put on the spot. however she won't stop bugging me about it. i don't want to donate. why? i don't know, i just don't, and now i'm against the idea even more because i would be doing it to please my cousin, not of my free will to help people. i almost feel compelled to say no and go donate in secret, i don't even know anymore. i have no idea what to say so would i be an asshole for not going ahead and donating in my aunt's memory
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bh8eek/aita_for_not_donating_blood_despite_being_a/
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2019-04-25 13:05:55
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nta
your body, your choice. you dont want to and that's fine. there are other o-'s out there.
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nta. if she wants to do this to honour her mom, great. she's completely out of line to try and bully or pressure or repeatedly nag you to do it. that's your own personal decision and you're in no way obligated because you have a more "useful" bloodtype.
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nta
this argument falls back to bodily autonomy. your blood, your choice.
it wouldn’t be assholish of your family to discuss the importance of blood donations (0- is rare and someone with 0- can only get blood that’s 0-), especially seeing the importance this topic has in your family - but the decision is 100% yours.
you don’t have to justify yourself for it, a no is a no. giving blood is a good thing to do, but voluntary.
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nah. it's your choice, but it's not like it would *kill* you to do it. it's a way to make a difference with very little time and effort (to be fair, this also makes constant bragging about it kind of self-absorbed and douche-y).
> turns out she's an a+. she still can donate and help people but in her words it won't help as many since she can donate to less blood types.
that really doesn't matter. *plenty* of people need blood transfusions, and in non-emergency situations doctors can easily match donor and recipient blood types. also, every donation will probably end up going to one particular patient. even though o-blood (especially o-neg) has more *potential* people it *could* go to, a single donation of it is not going to "help more people."
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nta. your body, your choice. personally, i wish i could donate. i’m also a universal donor, but i’m physically very small and pass out when i give blood. so you aren’t the only universal donor who doesn’t donate.
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nta, your body your choice.
also, even though a+ can't go to everybody, a good portion of the population is a+ and can still receive blood if your cousin were to donate. 36% of people in the us have a+ blood type (not sure where you're from), and another 1.5% have ab+ which can receive a+. tell her to stop being a hypocrite and donate if it means so much to her.
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yta - i’m going against the grain here but hear me out.
not donating blood doesn’t necessarily make you an asshole - not donating because someone made the suggestion kind of seems to me like spitting the dummy out for no reason when you could be helping people.
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nta. an important point though:
> she still can donate and help people but in her words it won't help as many since she can donate to less blood types.
*is* she still donating? that's not entirely clear. she still shouldn't be pressuring you, but if she's trying to get you to donate *instead* of her that's *super* douchey.
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nta you have a right to your body and can refuse without her making you feel guilty or bugging you about it.
i will say though, since you don't have a strong reason to not donate i would at least think it over since o- is very rare and can help many different people!
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i’m a universal donor and just see it as “i can help anyone if they need blood quickly” but generally i’m not bound to go and donate.
you’re nta, i think your cousin is. she should go and donate, as she wants you to, because there is always need for any blood donors! for her to say she has less chance of helping someone, is total bullshit!!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.03763 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: here's the whole family tree bloodline: my mother is a- and my father is b-, my grandparents on my father/aunt's side are both b-, all my siblings are a- except for me, i'm an o- by chance. my aunt is the only other person who's an o- in the family and she passed away this year. she used to always donate blood and was very proud (& vocal) of it. that's great, i'm glad she got joy in helping others. my cousin, her daughter, wanted to start donating blood in her memory however turns out she's an a+. she still can donate and help people but in her words it won't help as many since she can donate to less blood types. so my cousin goes around asking family members' blood types during a gathering and once she finds out that i'm also an o- she gets excited. she wants me to start donating (on a regular basis, not one time) as in to honour my aunt's legacy. i more or less dodged the question because i didn't like being put on the spot. however she won't stop bugging me about it. i don't want to donate. why? i don't know, i just don't, and now i'm against the idea even more because i would be doing it to please my cousin, not of my free will to help people. i almost feel compelled to say no and go donate in secret, i don't even know anymore. i have no idea what to say so would i be an asshole for not going ahead and donating in my aunt's memory
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
here's the whole family tree bloodline: my mother is a- and my father is b-, my grandparents on my father/aunt's side are both b-, all my siblings are a- except for me, i'm an o- by chance. my aunt is the only other person who's an o- in the family and she passed away this year. she used to always donate blood and was very proud (& vocal) of it. that's great, i'm glad she got joy in helping others. my cousin, her daughter, wanted to start donating blood in her memory however turns out she's an a+. she still can donate and help people but in her words it won't help as many since she can donate to less blood types. so my cousin goes around asking family members' blood types during a gathering and once she finds out that i'm also an o- she gets excited. she wants me to start donating (on a regular basis, not one time) as in to honour my aunt's legacy. i more or less dodged the question because i didn't like being put on the spot. however she won't stop bugging me about it. i don't want to donate. why? i don't know, i just don't, and now i'm against the idea even more because i would be doing it to please my cousin, not of my free will to help people. i almost feel compelled to say no and go donate in secret, i don't even know anymore. i have no idea what to say so would i be an asshole for not going ahead and donating in my aunt's memory [/INST] nta your body, your choice. you dont want to and that's fine. there are other o-'s out there. </s>
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AITA for not Paying for my Roommates GF’s Cleaning Service?
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i (20m) and my roommate (20m) live in an apartment together and have been roommates for 5 months. we get along mostly well but he’s a germaphobe and i can get a bit messy at times. i take 18 hours at college, work 8 hour shifts at my job, and door dash and instacart on the side to cover rent, utilities, gas, groceries etc. my roommate takes 12 hours and doesn’t work. not to say he’s lazy or anything just wanting to compare the schedules of us. when i say i’m a little messy, i mean there will be dishes in the sink, clothes to be folded on table, and maybe a trash bag on the door to take out. none of these things stay there for more than 1-2 days…i’m almost never home but take care of it whenever i can. every saturday or sunday, i sacrifice half the day to deep clean the place (sweep mop, do laundry, dishes, clean bathroom, etc). he really focuses on his room but will sometimes complain about the mess outside when it’s really a pan i still need to wash. we also have friends (we share a friend group) over almost every night and depending on the amount, there can be some trash in the morning to pick up.
recently he’s reached out and said his gf is starting a facebook cleaning business where friends and family can get her cleaning services for around 150-250 to clean their apartments and houses. he said that we should be one of his clientele and we would both pay 75. i don’t have an extra 75 to throw around, especially for an inexperienced cleaner who will only do it once a month (his parents would pay her essentially). i told him it’s on not in my budget and while i think she can clean, she definitely isn’t 150 dollars worth what i do every weekend in 2-3 hours. he said that we could use the extra money and the place could use the extra cleaning. i told him he knew what he was getting into as i let him know my schedule was very busy and that i will keep the place tidy but things may be laying out for a day or two but to text me if anything bothered you. i deep clean the apartment on my own every saturday/ sunday on my own to make up for it. he said that it’s clearly not enough and either we need outside help or i need to step it up or he will start throwing dishes (we use separate plates) and clothes away.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wt92rh/aita_for_not_paying_for_my_roommates_gfs_cleaning/
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2022-08-20 14:57:00
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nta, but it sounds like he doesn't want a roommate but a mommy..he should help clean common areas as well, especially being a germaphobe. sounds like he is just lazy af
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nta
it seems that your roommate didn't need a cleaning service until his gf needed clients.
like everyone else said, keep your laundry in your room, not in the common area, wash the dishes right away.
it seems that your roommate didn't need a cleaning service until his gf needed clients.
it also seems that your roommate doesn't spend a lot of his time cleaning, which is unusual for a germaphobe. the germ thing is his issue, but it sounds like you could use a chore chart of some kind to split the common area work.
it seems that your roommate didn't need a cleaning service until his gf needed clients.
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nta. however, i think you should just make sure you don't leave things around. put your clothes in your room and wash dishes as they are used. then he can't complain about you not paying for the cleaning service.
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op, this is your roommate's issue to deal with, not yours. he's asking for you to hand money over to his girlfriend or he's going to start disposing of/destroying your property. for your own sake, please find an alternate living arrangement, because your roommate is terrible. nta.
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nta. he cannot tell you how to spend your money.
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esh
you should be cleaning up after yourself as you go to prevent things from just lying around. don't take the garbage to the door, take it to the dumpster- it only adds a couple of minutes depending on how far the dumpster is. don't leave dirty dishes, wash them right after you use them. washing a plate and cup only takes a minute or two. take your clean clothes to your room, don't leave it laying around in the common areas. coming from someone who always took more than 12 credit hours each semester and worked 40 to 50 hours per week all through college, these things are simple and make all of the difference.
also, the deep cleaning duties should be shared, you shouldn't be the only one cleaning.
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so your roommate is trying to use you to help pad his gf's income?
it's fine if you don't want to hire a cleaner.
nta
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nta, but i’d say you may just need to take that extra time to keep the common areas cleared daily of your stuff (take your unfolded clothes straight to your room, clean your dishes as soon as you finish your meal, and take the trash out immediately). i’ve always been super messy, but when i live with roommates, i’ve always kept the common areas clean daily so they can’t complain or try to get me to pay for cleaning.
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the clothes need to be in your room not left out anywhere else. and dishes should be washed right after you use them (makes getting the crud off easier). then you aren't leaving things around. or use paper plates you can toss out.
nta- so he cleans only his room? and expects you to deep clean the rest of the house? if he wants a cleaner, then he can pay for it. i dont know any college kid who can afford an extra $150 a month for that.
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so i’m going to go with esh because we do have to make concessions when in a roommate situation.
but 100% no - you do not have to agree to pay his gf for a cleaning service. if he wants to do that he can himself.
but you do have to clean up after yourself - so that could mean keeping your laundry in your bedroom and making an adjustment to your dish routine.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.054 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (20m) and my roommate (20m) live in an apartment together and have been roommates for 5 months. we get along mostly well but he’s a germaphobe and i can get a bit messy at times. i take 18 hours at college, work 8 hour shifts at my job, and door dash and instacart on the side to cover rent, utilities, gas, groceries etc. my roommate takes 12 hours and doesn’t work. not to say he’s lazy or anything just wanting to compare the schedules of us. when i say i’m a little messy, i mean there will be dishes in the sink, clothes to be folded on table, and maybe a trash bag on the door to take out. none of these things stay there for more than 1-2 days…i’m almost never home but take care of it whenever i can. every saturday or sunday, i sacrifice half the day to deep clean the place (sweep mop, do laundry, dishes, clean bathroom, etc). he really focuses on his room but will sometimes complain about the mess outside when it’s really a pan i still need to wash. we also have friends (we share a friend group) over almost every night and depending on the amount, there can be some trash in the morning to pick up. recently he’s reached out and said his gf is starting a facebook cleaning business where friends and family can get her cleaning services for around 150-250 to clean their apartments and houses. he said that we should be one of his clientele and we would both pay 75. i don’t have an extra 75 to throw around, especially for an inexperienced cleaner who will only do it once a month (his parents would pay her essentially). i told him it’s on not in my budget and while i think she can clean, she definitely isn’t 150 dollars worth what i do every weekend in 2-3 hours. he said that we could use the extra money and the place could use the extra cleaning. i told him he knew what he was getting into as i let him know my schedule was very busy and that i will keep the place tidy but things may be laying out for a day or two but to text me if anything bothered you. i deep clean the apartment on my own every saturday/ sunday on my own to make up for it. he said that it’s clearly not enough and either we need outside help or i need to step it up or he will start throwing dishes (we use separate plates) and clothes away.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (20m) and my roommate (20m) live in an apartment together and have been roommates for 5 months. we get along mostly well but he’s a germaphobe and i can get a bit messy at times. i take 18 hours at college, work 8 hour shifts at my job, and door dash and instacart on the side to cover rent, utilities, gas, groceries etc. my roommate takes 12 hours and doesn’t work. not to say he’s lazy or anything just wanting to compare the schedules of us. when i say i’m a little messy, i mean there will be dishes in the sink, clothes to be folded on table, and maybe a trash bag on the door to take out. none of these things stay there for more than 1-2 days…i’m almost never home but take care of it whenever i can. every saturday or sunday, i sacrifice half the day to deep clean the place (sweep mop, do laundry, dishes, clean bathroom, etc). he really focuses on his room but will sometimes complain about the mess outside when it’s really a pan i still need to wash. we also have friends (we share a friend group) over almost every night and depending on the amount, there can be some trash in the morning to pick up. recently he’s reached out and said his gf is starting a facebook cleaning business where friends and family can get her cleaning services for around 150-250 to clean their apartments and houses. he said that we should be one of his clientele and we would both pay 75. i don’t have an extra 75 to throw around, especially for an inexperienced cleaner who will only do it once a month (his parents would pay her essentially). i told him it’s on not in my budget and while i think she can clean, she definitely isn’t 150 dollars worth what i do every weekend in 2-3 hours. he said that we could use the extra money and the place could use the extra cleaning. i told him he knew what he was getting into as i let him know my schedule was very busy and that i will keep the place tidy but things may be laying out for a day or two but to text me if anything bothered you. i deep clean the apartment on my own every saturday/ sunday on my own to make up for it. he said that it’s clearly not enough and either we need outside help or i need to step it up or he will start throwing dishes (we use separate plates) and clothes away. [/INST] nta, but it sounds like he doesn't want a roommate but a mommy..he should help clean common areas as well, especially being a germaphobe. sounds like he is just lazy af </s>
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AITA for not inviting my uncle’s girlfriend and her kid to my wedding?
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we’ve never like my uncle’s girlfriend, sandy, or her 12 year old kid, amy. sandy has the exclusive right to parent my uncle’s kids without question, but if my uncle even asks amy to sit down for dinner she goes crying to her mom and my uncle is getting lectured on boundaries, how she’s not his kid. amy is a mini sandy, full of herself and has to insert herself in everything. first month they were dating we did family pictures. nobody knew who sandy or amy were when they showed up for the pictures. we politely asked them if we could get just family pictures first. my grandma just wanted pictures with her kids and grandkids, not even my father was in the pictures and my mom and him have been together for almost 40 years. sandy threw a fit claiming she was being alienated by my grandma and that my grandma is just of her because my uncle is dating her not my grandma (what??? why would my grandma want to date her son???). then a couple of months later sandy starts showing up almost everywhere my grandma went (she lived alone in a different state for the first few months of quarantine)! grandma had to go get groceries at costco? sandy was there “thinking about applying for a membership”. my grandma had to go to the pharmacy? oh what a coincidence, “the other pharmacy didn’t have my medication” so she had to go to the one 35 minutes away that’s in my grandmas town. anyway, onto thanksgiving day’s events. all of us decided to hop on zoom so we could have thanksgiving dinner “together” when my uncle started getting tons of phone calls and texts causing him to step away. when he came back he said “sorry that was sandy and amy, they’re upset they weren’t invited so i sent them the link.” now, we did this for 2 reasons, 1) they’re both self centered, and 2) sandy is still married and living with her husband who also joins the call. first we hear amy crying and screaming in the background like a 2 year old having a tantrum, then sandy starts screaming at us calling us selfish bastards, and then to top it off her husband starts laying into us about disrespecting “his wife”. before you ask, no, they’re apparently not in an open relationship; sandy and her husband allegedly just want the benefits. anyway, my grandma, being the savage little old lady she is, pipes up saying “see? this is why nobody here like you. this is why we do everything without you. this is my i’m so glad that you and that rabid kid of yours aren’t invited to my granddaughter’s wedding.” from there all hell broke loose and there was even more crying from amy, and sandy started to cry saying that we’re “targeting her” and so on. my wedding isn’t for over a year, so if she turned her attitude around even to be pleasant, she’d be invited to keep peace. so, aita for not inviting my uncle’s girlfriend to my wedding?
thank you stranger for the gold and the love of my savage grandma!
| 5,208 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k253sd/aita_for_not_inviting_my_uncles_girlfriend_and/
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2020-11-27 17:10:47
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nta - what a shitshow. i was prepared to say you should invite them as a favor to your uncle as it would create drama. but someone should tell your uncle to not date married women, even if they’re only married for the “benefits.”
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nta, your wedding, your rules, your guest list. make sure you get a good bouncer to keep them out. even if they weren’t awful human beings (which they are), the same statement would still apply.
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nta. sandy and amy sound like raging attention seekers and your entire family, especially your grandma, seem absolutely, completely and utterly sick of their bullshit.
they will make the wedding about them and every perceived slight against them. they will cause a scene. they will make the rest of your family feel uncomfortable with their entitlement and antics.
your uncle might be the biggest asshole of all here, though - why the hell is he letting this awful person and her nightmare of a kid dictate to his own children? gross.
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nta.....she tried to insert herself in a family portrait the first 2 weeks they were dating? lmao...crazy hussy! yes...i use the term hussy strongly because she has a husband and a boyfriend...both of which are spineless fools!!! her hubby really got mad because you were treating his still legal wife like crap? i am having a good time with this one! there’s so much more i can say but won’t so as not to have my comment deleted. don’t invite her to the wedding....i’m trying hard not to say your uncle either because he just might try and make her his plus one or something and then she will want to be the center of attention by getting him to propose or something equally a ham....
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nta... please tell me someone booted sandy from the zoom call.
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nta. don’t invite her or her daughter. i promise you, they will make your wedding about themselves and ruin it. it’s supposed to be a magical day. they will 100% cause a scene. you have no obligation to invite them.
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[deleted]
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info, so sandy is still married (not to your uncle) and also dating your uncle?
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nta people can’t act self-centered and not concerned for wishes from your family then expect to be welcomed and greeted like they’re the best people in the world. though, maybe you should’ve explained to your uncle about the dinner and the boundaries, they didn’t have entitlement to come. i personally know blood family that don’t get invited, but they know why and are ok with it.
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nta... she’s married, so all your uncle is is a side piece. you don’t bring your married girlfriend to a family wedding.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we’ve never like my uncle’s girlfriend, sandy, or her 12 year old kid, amy. sandy has the exclusive right to parent my uncle’s kids without question, but if my uncle even asks amy to sit down for dinner she goes crying to her mom and my uncle is getting lectured on boundaries, how she’s not his kid. amy is a mini sandy, full of herself and has to insert herself in everything. first month they were dating we did family pictures. nobody knew who sandy or amy were when they showed up for the pictures. we politely asked them if we could get just family pictures first. my grandma just wanted pictures with her kids and grandkids, not even my father was in the pictures and my mom and him have been together for almost 40 years. sandy threw a fit claiming she was being alienated by my grandma and that my grandma is just of her because my uncle is dating her not my grandma (what??? why would my grandma want to date her son???). then a couple of months later sandy starts showing up almost everywhere my grandma went (she lived alone in a different state for the first few months of quarantine)! grandma had to go get groceries at costco? sandy was there “thinking about applying for a membership”. my grandma had to go to the pharmacy? oh what a coincidence, “the other pharmacy didn’t have my medication” so she had to go to the one 35 minutes away that’s in my grandmas town. anyway, onto thanksgiving day’s events. all of us decided to hop on zoom so we could have thanksgiving dinner “together” when my uncle started getting tons of phone calls and texts causing him to step away. when he came back he said “sorry that was sandy and amy, they’re upset they weren’t invited so i sent them the link.” now, we did this for 2 reasons, 1) they’re both self centered, and 2) sandy is still married and living with her husband who also joins the call. first we hear amy crying and screaming in the background like a 2 year old having a tantrum, then sandy starts screaming at us calling us selfish bastards, and then to top it off her husband starts laying into us about disrespecting “his wife”. before you ask, no, they’re apparently not in an open relationship; sandy and her husband allegedly just want the benefits. anyway, my grandma, being the savage little old lady she is, pipes up saying “see? this is why nobody here like you. this is why we do everything without you. this is my i’m so glad that you and that rabid kid of yours aren’t invited to my granddaughter’s wedding.” from there all hell broke loose and there was even more crying from amy, and sandy started to cry saying that we’re “targeting her” and so on. my wedding isn’t for over a year, so if she turned her attitude around even to be pleasant, she’d be invited to keep peace. so, aita for not inviting my uncle’s girlfriend to my wedding? thank you stranger for the gold and the love of my savage grandma!
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we’ve never like my uncle’s girlfriend, sandy, or her 12 year old kid, amy. sandy has the exclusive right to parent my uncle’s kids without question, but if my uncle even asks amy to sit down for dinner she goes crying to her mom and my uncle is getting lectured on boundaries, how she’s not his kid. amy is a mini sandy, full of herself and has to insert herself in everything. first month they were dating we did family pictures. nobody knew who sandy or amy were when they showed up for the pictures. we politely asked them if we could get just family pictures first. my grandma just wanted pictures with her kids and grandkids, not even my father was in the pictures and my mom and him have been together for almost 40 years. sandy threw a fit claiming she was being alienated by my grandma and that my grandma is just of her because my uncle is dating her not my grandma (what??? why would my grandma want to date her son???). then a couple of months later sandy starts showing up almost everywhere my grandma went (she lived alone in a different state for the first few months of quarantine)! grandma had to go get groceries at costco? sandy was there “thinking about applying for a membership”. my grandma had to go to the pharmacy? oh what a coincidence, “the other pharmacy didn’t have my medication” so she had to go to the one 35 minutes away that’s in my grandmas town. anyway, onto thanksgiving day’s events. all of us decided to hop on zoom so we could have thanksgiving dinner “together” when my uncle started getting tons of phone calls and texts causing him to step away. when he came back he said “sorry that was sandy and amy, they’re upset they weren’t invited so i sent them the link.” now, we did this for 2 reasons, 1) they’re both self centered, and 2) sandy is still married and living with her husband who also joins the call. first we hear amy crying and screaming in the background like a 2 year old having a tantrum, then sandy starts screaming at us calling us selfish bastards, and then to top it off her husband starts laying into us about disrespecting “his wife”. before you ask, no, they’re apparently not in an open relationship; sandy and her husband allegedly just want the benefits. anyway, my grandma, being the savage little old lady she is, pipes up saying “see? this is why nobody here like you. this is why we do everything without you. this is my i’m so glad that you and that rabid kid of yours aren’t invited to my granddaughter’s wedding.” from there all hell broke loose and there was even more crying from amy, and sandy started to cry saying that we’re “targeting her” and so on. my wedding isn’t for over a year, so if she turned her attitude around even to be pleasant, she’d be invited to keep peace. so, aita for not inviting my uncle’s girlfriend to my wedding? thank you stranger for the gold and the love of my savage grandma! [/INST] nta - what a shitshow. i was prepared to say you should invite them as a favor to your uncle as it would create drama. but someone should tell your uncle to not date married women, even if they’re only married for the “benefits.” </s>
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AITA for telling my roommate that they can either move out in two months, or my fiancée and I will be moving out in one?
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my fiancée and i came to this decision after months of dealing with the stress our roommate has caused us. this all began a few months ago when our roommate was having relationship issues with her girlfriend. our roommate was generally being terrible to her girlfriend (i.e. blaming her girlfriend for her own issues, etc). this, naturally, led to her girlfriend to breaking up with our roommate.
our roommate then started meddling in my fiancée and i’s relationship, and tried to convince me to kick out my fiancée on multiple occasions while insisting it was my idea. my fiancée and i almost broke up as a result, but came to realize that the advice our roommate gave us both individually seemed to be with the intent of pitting us against each other.
eventually we had enough and began putting up some boundaries with our roommate to hopefully mitigate things, save our relationship, and create a less stressful environment for us. we started meal prepping as well, which led to us having our own separate grocery list from our roommate. we all came to an agreement that my fiancée and i would take care of our own groceries, and our roommate would take care of her own groceries in turn.
following this, our roommate began to tell her and i’s coworkers that my fiancée and i were treating her like her abusive mother did (our roommate and i work at the same place). i heard, and told our roommate to knock it off because that was home business that i didn’t think belonged at work.
the gossip continued nonetheless.
we told our roommate that we were beginning to become uncomfortable with our living arrangements with her. our roommate asked us for two weeks to improve and then have us make a decision, and we obliged. we told her that if we were still this uncomfortable living with her after two weeks, then we planned to move out in a month after that, or our roommate would have two months to find a new place and/or roommate.
last night, our roommate wanted an answer with two more days of that two weeks remaining.
so we told her that she was doing a fair bit better, but that this was a personal journey to getting better that our roommate was taking. we no longer wanted to be this closely a part of that journey, and we would still like to go through with our 1mo or 2mo plan.
our roommate instantly broke down, had a panic attack, grabbed her keys, left, and didn’t come back until early this morning. she refused to give us an answer as to whether or not she wanted us to leave in a month, or if she’d rather leave herself in two months.
now i, and my fiancée to a lesser extent, are worried we’re the assholes here. we made this decision for our well-being, and an unfortunate consequence of that is that our roommate or us will have to find a new place.
tl;dr: my fiancée and i grew more and more stressed as our roommate treated us and those around her poorly, and we gave her the ultimatum that we could leave in one month or she could leave in two.
| 2,662 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xl3dno/aita_for_telling_my_roommate_that_they_can_either/
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2022-09-22 14:45:43
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nta. once she started manipulate your relationship thats it.
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nta. just move out. don't let safe housing be in limbo because of her. misery loves company, and she's trying to attack you inside and outside of your home.
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nta. just wash your hands of her and move out though.
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nta - this is going to be a never-ending-circle if your roommate decides to leave in 2 months, because she can stretch that shit out forever. unless there's a reason you want to stay in this particular place (great rent, amazing location, whatever), you and your fiance should start looking for a new place of your own. fresh start, new memories, no drama. give your landlord your notice that you'll be out by 10/31, and then it's up to your roommate what she wants to do. if you tell her now, she'll be able to tell the landlord the same thing so she won't get stuck paying for november by herself.
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nta. simply because anyone is entitled to relocate.
now, if you failed to mentioned the time frame would cause roommate to have to incur more financial costs, my vote may be different. but, based on what was laid out, i say nta since it seems to be a toxic living environment.
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info: who is on the lease? did you previously commit on a lease to a longer living arrangement?
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nta
> our roommate began to tell her and i’s coworkers that my fiancée and i were treating her like her abusive mother did
i initially misread this as “treating *her* like an abusive mother,” and…honestly, can’t say that would have been an inaccurate assessment. maybe her issues are the result of never having learned what healthy relationships are supposed to look like, but she needs to actually *work* on that on her own instead of taking it out on whoever happens to be around for her to take it out on. i don’t think you should wait for her to get it through her head that she can’t just stonewall you on this, or even stick to the month timeline: just find a new place, don’t leave a forwarding address, and put as much distance as you can between you. and if she keeps trying to stir up drama at work, go have a chat with hr; you can feel free to mention you think she might benefit from any mental health assistance that might be available.
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nta. granted there wasnt a leasei would've moved out as soon as i figured out she was purposely trying to break up my relationship. the rest of the toxic manipulative behavior is just icing on the cake
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nta
you said that you two will either move out or she can move out, so it sounds like you are being quite reasonable.
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purely as a logic experiment, the ultimatum could be ineffective unless you ask her to move out first. it should be that she leaves in one month, or you guys leave in two. if she says she’ll leave in two, but then doesn’t, you might have missed your one month opportunity. if, however, you switch the ultimatum, you can leave in two months if she breaks a one-month-until-i-leave promise.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my fiancée and i came to this decision after months of dealing with the stress our roommate has caused us. this all began a few months ago when our roommate was having relationship issues with her girlfriend. our roommate was generally being terrible to her girlfriend (i.e. blaming her girlfriend for her own issues, etc). this, naturally, led to her girlfriend to breaking up with our roommate. our roommate then started meddling in my fiancée and i’s relationship, and tried to convince me to kick out my fiancée on multiple occasions while insisting it was my idea. my fiancée and i almost broke up as a result, but came to realize that the advice our roommate gave us both individually seemed to be with the intent of pitting us against each other. eventually we had enough and began putting up some boundaries with our roommate to hopefully mitigate things, save our relationship, and create a less stressful environment for us. we started meal prepping as well, which led to us having our own separate grocery list from our roommate. we all came to an agreement that my fiancée and i would take care of our own groceries, and our roommate would take care of her own groceries in turn. following this, our roommate began to tell her and i’s coworkers that my fiancée and i were treating her like her abusive mother did (our roommate and i work at the same place). i heard, and told our roommate to knock it off because that was home business that i didn’t think belonged at work. the gossip continued nonetheless. we told our roommate that we were beginning to become uncomfortable with our living arrangements with her. our roommate asked us for two weeks to improve and then have us make a decision, and we obliged. we told her that if we were still this uncomfortable living with her after two weeks, then we planned to move out in a month after that, or our roommate would have two months to find a new place and/or roommate. last night, our roommate wanted an answer with two more days of that two weeks remaining. so we told her that she was doing a fair bit better, but that this was a personal journey to getting better that our roommate was taking. we no longer wanted to be this closely a part of that journey, and we would still like to go through with our 1mo or 2mo plan. our roommate instantly broke down, had a panic attack, grabbed her keys, left, and didn’t come back until early this morning. she refused to give us an answer as to whether or not she wanted us to leave in a month, or if she’d rather leave herself in two months. now i, and my fiancée to a lesser extent, are worried we’re the assholes here. we made this decision for our well-being, and an unfortunate consequence of that is that our roommate or us will have to find a new place. tl;dr: my fiancée and i grew more and more stressed as our roommate treated us and those around her poorly, and we gave her the ultimatum that we could leave in one month or she could leave in two.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my fiancée and i came to this decision after months of dealing with the stress our roommate has caused us. this all began a few months ago when our roommate was having relationship issues with her girlfriend. our roommate was generally being terrible to her girlfriend (i.e. blaming her girlfriend for her own issues, etc). this, naturally, led to her girlfriend to breaking up with our roommate. our roommate then started meddling in my fiancée and i’s relationship, and tried to convince me to kick out my fiancée on multiple occasions while insisting it was my idea. my fiancée and i almost broke up as a result, but came to realize that the advice our roommate gave us both individually seemed to be with the intent of pitting us against each other. eventually we had enough and began putting up some boundaries with our roommate to hopefully mitigate things, save our relationship, and create a less stressful environment for us. we started meal prepping as well, which led to us having our own separate grocery list from our roommate. we all came to an agreement that my fiancée and i would take care of our own groceries, and our roommate would take care of her own groceries in turn. following this, our roommate began to tell her and i’s coworkers that my fiancée and i were treating her like her abusive mother did (our roommate and i work at the same place). i heard, and told our roommate to knock it off because that was home business that i didn’t think belonged at work. the gossip continued nonetheless. we told our roommate that we were beginning to become uncomfortable with our living arrangements with her. our roommate asked us for two weeks to improve and then have us make a decision, and we obliged. we told her that if we were still this uncomfortable living with her after two weeks, then we planned to move out in a month after that, or our roommate would have two months to find a new place and/or roommate. last night, our roommate wanted an answer with two more days of that two weeks remaining. so we told her that she was doing a fair bit better, but that this was a personal journey to getting better that our roommate was taking. we no longer wanted to be this closely a part of that journey, and we would still like to go through with our 1mo or 2mo plan. our roommate instantly broke down, had a panic attack, grabbed her keys, left, and didn’t come back until early this morning. she refused to give us an answer as to whether or not she wanted us to leave in a month, or if she’d rather leave herself in two months. now i, and my fiancée to a lesser extent, are worried we’re the assholes here. we made this decision for our well-being, and an unfortunate consequence of that is that our roommate or us will have to find a new place. tl;dr: my fiancée and i grew more and more stressed as our roommate treated us and those around her poorly, and we gave her the ultimatum that we could leave in one month or she could leave in two. [/INST] nta. once she started manipulate your relationship thats it. </s>
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WIBTA If I tell someone she's better off not speaking
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i’m currently in college and in one of my classes, there’s a girl who may be better off not talking. she’s about 21 and constantly raises her hand to share information or stories she has that are vaguely related to the topic but has no meaningful impact on the class. almost every time she speaks in class, she stutters or trips over words, not a speech issue just because she speaks to fast, i think. only once has she raised her hand to answer the teacher's question and that was a welcomed experience honestly. most of the time when she raises her hand to speak in class it’s unnecessary and it’s gotten tiring. it happens at least once every class period. the teacher has started to give her a *look* and she’s started to cut her off mid-sentence to resume class. when she gets cut off other students snicker. i’m unsure if she notices it or not, but it hasn’t stopped her from raising her hand.
some examples:
* 1st day, we had to share basic information and a fact about us. most people say “i play basketball” “my favorite color is blue” etc. she goes on to say “i’m a fiery irish redhead with freckles and passion and…” it goes on and on.
* topic was prenatal development and the lecture mentioned how drugs and alcohol affect the fetus the most in the first 12 weeks. the girl raises her hand to something along the lines of “oh i just want to say that if you ask a nurse that deals with pregnancies, she’ll tell you that drugs and alcohol will actually affect your baby throughout the pregnancy.” as if that’s not pretty much baseline knowledge. a guy in the back clapped for her saying this trying to be funny, i won’t lie i gave a tiny laugh.
this girl actively tries speaking to me. i try to be friendly with her and let her speak. we were talking about a movie project we have, and she says she had to force her parents to watch the movie with her because her sister didn’t want to watch it or something and she hates watching movies alone. i said, “what you don’t have friends?” in a joking way. she got shy and had a sad tone in her voice when she said “oh… uhh… not really…” i felt like a complete asshole.
i feel bad for her, she’s getting laughed at and i feel bad for the class having to put up with it. she is very annoying. i’ll feel like a complete ass for trying to explain this to her, but i think it is what is morally right. wibta if i tried telling her she should raise her hand less in class and focus doing so when the teacher is asking specific questions or calling on someone to speak? normally i have no issue with being an asshole, but it just feels kinda scummy to do.
| 649 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dil1aj/wibta_if_i_tell_someone_shes_better_off_not/
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2019-10-16 06:01:41
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yta. seriously are you 12? this girl is socially awkward but eager to share in class. maybe she's trying to put herself out there and be more engaging with people. you and the others seem to be having more fun mocking her and acting like middle school kids.
if her behavior is truly disruptive to the class and affecting your grades, then talk to your professor. let them handle the issue. either way you would be a major asshole telling her to speak less when she could just be a bit misguided and socially awkward. your professor should be the one to handle this.
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who are *you* to tell someone they’re better off not speaking though lol. what the hell. ywbta for sure just off the way you talked about her here alone
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your classmate needs to learn some social skills. i'm not sure i trust you to be the one to teach her, given the way you've talked to her and about her so far.
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>i feel bad for her, she’s getting laughed at
>
>i won’t lie i gave a tiny laugh.
maybe you're better off not speaking. yta, literally, as you are the one laughing at her.
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i couldn't even get through your post without a yta of it's an issue the professor will let her know
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you cannot helpfully or politely tell someone to talk less.
the instructor needs to handle the class.
be her friend or study partner or class acquaintance. call people out if you hear them being snarky or if they try to gossip to you about her.
yta (or would be) if you tell her to speak less.
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yta and you would be if you said this too. since when is "what you don't have friends?" a joke? jesus dude. and you think it would be 'morally right' for you, the person laughing at her, to tell her to stop engaging in learning? wtf. if the professor sees an issue with her talking too much, they will talk to her. you say at least "once per class period'. you can't handle her talking 1x twice a week? classes are typically 1.5 or 3 hours, talking multiple times throughout is definitely not unreasonable.
also, from my experience, the people in my classes that do this actually help me better understand the material, because it becomes an interaction(easier to remember than straight lecture) and normally involves a real life application of the lesson. also these people are more likely to immediately speak up if something is confusing, which makes the professors pay more attention to their pacing and give more explanations of the way it works. some classes don't vibe with it due to the lecture being very formal(coincides with worst classes) but in a decent class, contributions are generally *encouraged*.
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yta it would just hurt her. you all need to be adults and accept some people are strange and carry on with your life. i know you want to help her but it just wouldn’t.
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ywbta. look, clearly your intention is more to shut her up cuz she's annoying than this "moral right" that you have to help her.
if it's that big of an issue in class, the professor will talk to her. and if you did want to help her, you could just try to be her friend then do this stuff.
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yta. i had a girl exactly like this in my class through uni, it was due to her having autism which i found out after we graduated, yes it was hella annoying but she always had as much right to share her experiences as everyone else no matter how often.
she also used to follow me every lunch time, where yes i’ll admit i was sometimes ta and would high tail it out of class before she could catch me, but i tried not to make that obvious to her and she never caught on.
i wouldn’t make an assumption if she does or doesn’t, just don’t take away her courage to share or make her feel isolated.
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m currently in college and in one of my classes, there’s a girl who may be better off not talking. she’s about 21 and constantly raises her hand to share information or stories she has that are vaguely related to the topic but has no meaningful impact on the class. almost every time she speaks in class, she stutters or trips over words, not a speech issue just because she speaks to fast, i think. only once has she raised her hand to answer the teacher's question and that was a welcomed experience honestly. most of the time when she raises her hand to speak in class it’s unnecessary and it’s gotten tiring. it happens at least once every class period. the teacher has started to give her a *look* and she’s started to cut her off mid-sentence to resume class. when she gets cut off other students snicker. i’m unsure if she notices it or not, but it hasn’t stopped her from raising her hand. some examples: * 1st day, we had to share basic information and a fact about us. most people say “i play basketball” “my favorite color is blue” etc. she goes on to say “i’m a fiery irish redhead with freckles and passion and…” it goes on and on. * topic was prenatal development and the lecture mentioned how drugs and alcohol affect the fetus the most in the first 12 weeks. the girl raises her hand to something along the lines of “oh i just want to say that if you ask a nurse that deals with pregnancies, she’ll tell you that drugs and alcohol will actually affect your baby throughout the pregnancy.” as if that’s not pretty much baseline knowledge. a guy in the back clapped for her saying this trying to be funny, i won’t lie i gave a tiny laugh. this girl actively tries speaking to me. i try to be friendly with her and let her speak. we were talking about a movie project we have, and she says she had to force her parents to watch the movie with her because her sister didn’t want to watch it or something and she hates watching movies alone. i said, “what you don’t have friends?” in a joking way. she got shy and had a sad tone in her voice when she said “oh… uhh… not really…” i felt like a complete asshole. i feel bad for her, she’s getting laughed at and i feel bad for the class having to put up with it. she is very annoying. i’ll feel like a complete ass for trying to explain this to her, but i think it is what is morally right. wibta if i tried telling her she should raise her hand less in class and focus doing so when the teacher is asking specific questions or calling on someone to speak? normally i have no issue with being an asshole, but it just feels kinda scummy to do.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m currently in college and in one of my classes, there’s a girl who may be better off not talking. she’s about 21 and constantly raises her hand to share information or stories she has that are vaguely related to the topic but has no meaningful impact on the class. almost every time she speaks in class, she stutters or trips over words, not a speech issue just because she speaks to fast, i think. only once has she raised her hand to answer the teacher's question and that was a welcomed experience honestly. most of the time when she raises her hand to speak in class it’s unnecessary and it’s gotten tiring. it happens at least once every class period. the teacher has started to give her a *look* and she’s started to cut her off mid-sentence to resume class. when she gets cut off other students snicker. i’m unsure if she notices it or not, but it hasn’t stopped her from raising her hand. some examples: * 1st day, we had to share basic information and a fact about us. most people say “i play basketball” “my favorite color is blue” etc. she goes on to say “i’m a fiery irish redhead with freckles and passion and…” it goes on and on. * topic was prenatal development and the lecture mentioned how drugs and alcohol affect the fetus the most in the first 12 weeks. the girl raises her hand to something along the lines of “oh i just want to say that if you ask a nurse that deals with pregnancies, she’ll tell you that drugs and alcohol will actually affect your baby throughout the pregnancy.” as if that’s not pretty much baseline knowledge. a guy in the back clapped for her saying this trying to be funny, i won’t lie i gave a tiny laugh. this girl actively tries speaking to me. i try to be friendly with her and let her speak. we were talking about a movie project we have, and she says she had to force her parents to watch the movie with her because her sister didn’t want to watch it or something and she hates watching movies alone. i said, “what you don’t have friends?” in a joking way. she got shy and had a sad tone in her voice when she said “oh… uhh… not really…” i felt like a complete asshole. i feel bad for her, she’s getting laughed at and i feel bad for the class having to put up with it. she is very annoying. i’ll feel like a complete ass for trying to explain this to her, but i think it is what is morally right. wibta if i tried telling her she should raise her hand less in class and focus doing so when the teacher is asking specific questions or calling on someone to speak? normally i have no issue with being an asshole, but it just feels kinda scummy to do. [/INST] yta. seriously are you 12? this girl is socially awkward but eager to share in class. maybe she's trying to put herself out there and be more engaging with people. you and the others seem to be having more fun mocking her and acting like middle school kids. if her behavior is truly disruptive to the class and affecting your grades, then talk to your professor. let them handle the issue. either way you would be a major asshole telling her to speak less when she could just be a bit misguided and socially awkward. your professor should be the one to handle this. </s>
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WIBTA for telling my mom that my siblings aren’t allowed at my house.
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bare with me this post is long and detailed but i’ll start out by saying my mom had me at 16 and when i met my wife she had a son who was close in age to two of my younger siblings. i’ve always looked to him and treated him like my own. now that we are officially married he’s my son. she is also pregnant with my first biological child and we are due very soon.
i am the oldest of 7 kids and my son is (6) my youngest two siblings are (6f) and (8m) and don’t get me wrong i love all of my siblings but every time these two come to our house they are very rude. they don’t listen to my wife unless i am present at the house. now my mom is typically very laid back and kinda lets them do as they please. but at my house there is a lot more structure and we have specific rules and we keep our things clean and orderly. at my moms they don’t have the cleanliness and rules as much. anyways my mom recently went on vacation and asked that we watched my two younger siblings while she was gone. (note i’m 25 and all my other siblings are adults these two children came decades later.) i was hesitant because we have issues with my little brother more so than my sister.
to give you more of what the main issue is, is that when i’m not there or around to see it my brother hazes and bullies my son to the point where he isn’t comfortable in his house. and my wife can’t do anything about it because her and my mom haven’t always had the best relationship. whole other post.
my siblings break things at our house, break rules and go places they’re not supposed to go. i’ve brought it to the attention of my mother many times and she always brushes it off. so my wife and i decided to watch them this time and it all started again. even after i gave them a warning on day 1 their bullshit continued.
when my mom returns from her trip my wife and i will be sitting down with her and telling her that we will no longer have them in our home until they can be more respectful, follow our rules and listen the first time.
so wwbta for telling my mom this? we have had issues in the past telling my mom things to similar context and i know my mom well enough to know that this conversation isn’t gonna end well and she will tell me i’m out of pocket but i really don’t want them at my house. let me know friends.
edit for confusion: we just moved to this new home and my siblings have only been over 2 total times. but i know the behavior will continue overtime. i have approached my mom and brother about it at every instance as well.
| 229 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f81ns6/wibta_for_telling_my_mom_that_my_siblings_arent/
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2020-02-23 00:30:20
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nta for banning them, but ta for failing to address the problem sooner. you should have protected your son the first time your bro bullied him.
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nta
you and your mom have different parenting styles. your children have structure and manners. hers are free range assholes.
you are well within your rights to tell her you will never watch your siblings again. you’re the oldest of seven? that means there’s four other adults who can watch them.
you tried giving it one last chance. fine, you’re the type that wants to help family. but now your wife and son come first.
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nta but your mom can't discipline them at your house if she's not there. that's your job. why can't you discipline them when they are with you?
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nta, it sounds like your siblings are learning their lack of respect for your wife from your mother. whatever relationship your wife and mother have, it's your still your mom's job to work with you **both** to reinforce your authority in your own house. if she's not doing that, she's not entitled to free babysitting.
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yta for not doing something sooner.
nta for banning them.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.128 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: bare with me this post is long and detailed but i’ll start out by saying my mom had me at 16 and when i met my wife she had a son who was close in age to two of my younger siblings. i’ve always looked to him and treated him like my own. now that we are officially married he’s my son. she is also pregnant with my first biological child and we are due very soon. i am the oldest of 7 kids and my son is (6) my youngest two siblings are (6f) and (8m) and don’t get me wrong i love all of my siblings but every time these two come to our house they are very rude. they don’t listen to my wife unless i am present at the house. now my mom is typically very laid back and kinda lets them do as they please. but at my house there is a lot more structure and we have specific rules and we keep our things clean and orderly. at my moms they don’t have the cleanliness and rules as much. anyways my mom recently went on vacation and asked that we watched my two younger siblings while she was gone. (note i’m 25 and all my other siblings are adults these two children came decades later.) i was hesitant because we have issues with my little brother more so than my sister. to give you more of what the main issue is, is that when i’m not there or around to see it my brother hazes and bullies my son to the point where he isn’t comfortable in his house. and my wife can’t do anything about it because her and my mom haven’t always had the best relationship. whole other post. my siblings break things at our house, break rules and go places they’re not supposed to go. i’ve brought it to the attention of my mother many times and she always brushes it off. so my wife and i decided to watch them this time and it all started again. even after i gave them a warning on day 1 their bullshit continued. when my mom returns from her trip my wife and i will be sitting down with her and telling her that we will no longer have them in our home until they can be more respectful, follow our rules and listen the first time. so wwbta for telling my mom this? we have had issues in the past telling my mom things to similar context and i know my mom well enough to know that this conversation isn’t gonna end well and she will tell me i’m out of pocket but i really don’t want them at my house. let me know friends. edit for confusion: we just moved to this new home and my siblings have only been over 2 total times. but i know the behavior will continue overtime. i have approached my mom and brother about it at every instance as well.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
bare with me this post is long and detailed but i’ll start out by saying my mom had me at 16 and when i met my wife she had a son who was close in age to two of my younger siblings. i’ve always looked to him and treated him like my own. now that we are officially married he’s my son. she is also pregnant with my first biological child and we are due very soon. i am the oldest of 7 kids and my son is (6) my youngest two siblings are (6f) and (8m) and don’t get me wrong i love all of my siblings but every time these two come to our house they are very rude. they don’t listen to my wife unless i am present at the house. now my mom is typically very laid back and kinda lets them do as they please. but at my house there is a lot more structure and we have specific rules and we keep our things clean and orderly. at my moms they don’t have the cleanliness and rules as much. anyways my mom recently went on vacation and asked that we watched my two younger siblings while she was gone. (note i’m 25 and all my other siblings are adults these two children came decades later.) i was hesitant because we have issues with my little brother more so than my sister. to give you more of what the main issue is, is that when i’m not there or around to see it my brother hazes and bullies my son to the point where he isn’t comfortable in his house. and my wife can’t do anything about it because her and my mom haven’t always had the best relationship. whole other post. my siblings break things at our house, break rules and go places they’re not supposed to go. i’ve brought it to the attention of my mother many times and she always brushes it off. so my wife and i decided to watch them this time and it all started again. even after i gave them a warning on day 1 their bullshit continued. when my mom returns from her trip my wife and i will be sitting down with her and telling her that we will no longer have them in our home until they can be more respectful, follow our rules and listen the first time. so wwbta for telling my mom this? we have had issues in the past telling my mom things to similar context and i know my mom well enough to know that this conversation isn’t gonna end well and she will tell me i’m out of pocket but i really don’t want them at my house. let me know friends. edit for confusion: we just moved to this new home and my siblings have only been over 2 total times. but i know the behavior will continue overtime. i have approached my mom and brother about it at every instance as well. [/INST] nta for banning them, but ta for failing to address the problem sooner. you should have protected your son the first time your bro bullied him. </s>
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AITA for not paying for pizzas I said I would?
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i (25f) don’t like pineapple. it makes my mouth itch (i’m not sure if it’s an allergy since it seems to happen to quite a few other people i know as well) and i don’t like the flavour so i tend to stay away from it. naturally, this means i’m in the “no pineapples on pizza” camp where even picking it off isn’t an option for me. of course, this has lead to ridicule from friends and family alike and i like to believe i’m a good sport about it: always gentle ribbing and banter even though i genuinely cannot eat it, though there are a few in my circle that seem to think it’s “all in my head” and i “just haven’t had a good hawaiian yet”. one such person is bob(27m), who i met in uni and have been friends with for about 6 years. somehow, bob and i have never been in a situation where i have had to decline eating pineapples so he’s never been in a position to force that on me… until tonight.
bob and his partner jamie(28m) threw a party to celebrate their anniversary (their get together story involves quite a bit of our friend group) and we were all responsible for at least one thing. i volunteered to pay for the pizzas (3 large) since i was at work all day and couldn’t help with anything else. we all agreed on cheese, since it was the safest bet for everyone and i arrived at their house thinking that the agreement stood. graciously, jamie let me use his bathroom so i could clean up after work and when i came out, the delivery person was in the entryway with the 3 pies, a smug looking bob, 2 of our mutual friends, and a nervous looking jamie. the delivery person handed me the receipt while telling me the total and i realised that bob had ordered 3 large hawaiian pizzas. then he said:
“can’t run away from it now. i promise you’ll love it.”
i argued that i genuinely couldn’t eat the pizza and i wouldn’t be paying for them if this is just some attempt to force me to eat it, one of our friends called me dramatic, while the other played mediator with jamie. then, bob said that if i wasn’t going to pay for the pizzas then i could leave… so i left. jamie texted later to apologize but a few of our friends are saying that i’m the asshole for “ditching my responsibilities” and that “it was fine because there were other foods”. people are generally pretty torn on the situation, so reddit… aita?
| 3,625 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wtm7oh/aita_for_not_paying_for_pizzas_i_said_i_would/
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2022-08-21 00:46:17
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nta
it is just rude to get all the pizza the same, particularly when they are doing it just to pick on someone.
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nta - you all agreed on choosing cheese pizza - that was the agreement. bob knew you wouldn’t eat it and deliberately ordered it to “trick” you into having to eat it. what if you were vegetarian and he did the same with meat pizzas instead?
also - fyi pineapples have an enzyme in them that breaks down proteins, which is why it makes your mouth itch! it’s quite literally eating away at you
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nta the level of entitlement that it takes to use someone else’s money to order food they freaking hate to make your point.
it’s pineapple ffs…. why do people take it personally?
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you agreed to pay for cheese pizzas. an entirely reasonable choice when multiple people are involved. that was your commitment. bob didn't order cheese pizzas. he tried to change the deal. he's the asshole. you are not.
jamie needs to grow a spine.
nta.
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nta- i don’t get why he got 3 hawaiian, like i understand if he wanted 1 but could have got two other flavours as well. he was clearly being an intentional dick
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nta. and how would bob feel if you told him that being in a relationship with a woman is awesome and he really just needs to stop being a baby and try it?
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nta i love pineapple but i do not care for it on pizza. if they had ordered one hawaiian and two other that were plain or with other toppings okay but ordering 3 hawaiian pizzas was just the host being obnoxious. i looked into the origin of the ham and pineapple pizza and it's canadian not hawaiian.
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nta. if you are allergic, bob is endangering you. if you just don't like it, he is still disrespecting you. on the other hand, you did agree to pay for the pizzas so...actually, heck no. that lack of respect means you don't owe them anything.
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nta - that itchiness is an allergy or hypersensitivity to bromeline.
your friend is a prickly pineapple asshole for doing this.
also - i’m hawaiian - we don’t eat pineapple on our pizza. dole took a lot of land (often from unsuspecting people) and brought the non-native fruit to grow on hawaiian soil. eliminating many natural areas of terra farming, indigenous trees, water rights for farmers (like my family).
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nta and that mf...
you are not averse to pineapple... you have an allergic reaction. i'm allergic to banana. if i touch it, i itch and break out. if someone eats it and i happen to touch something they touched... i itch and breakout. bob is rude af and presumptuous to boot. i wouldn't have paid for it either.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (25f) don’t like pineapple. it makes my mouth itch (i’m not sure if it’s an allergy since it seems to happen to quite a few other people i know as well) and i don’t like the flavour so i tend to stay away from it. naturally, this means i’m in the “no pineapples on pizza” camp where even picking it off isn’t an option for me. of course, this has lead to ridicule from friends and family alike and i like to believe i’m a good sport about it: always gentle ribbing and banter even though i genuinely cannot eat it, though there are a few in my circle that seem to think it’s “all in my head” and i “just haven’t had a good hawaiian yet”. one such person is bob(27m), who i met in uni and have been friends with for about 6 years. somehow, bob and i have never been in a situation where i have had to decline eating pineapples so he’s never been in a position to force that on me… until tonight. bob and his partner jamie(28m) threw a party to celebrate their anniversary (their get together story involves quite a bit of our friend group) and we were all responsible for at least one thing. i volunteered to pay for the pizzas (3 large) since i was at work all day and couldn’t help with anything else. we all agreed on cheese, since it was the safest bet for everyone and i arrived at their house thinking that the agreement stood. graciously, jamie let me use his bathroom so i could clean up after work and when i came out, the delivery person was in the entryway with the 3 pies, a smug looking bob, 2 of our mutual friends, and a nervous looking jamie. the delivery person handed me the receipt while telling me the total and i realised that bob had ordered 3 large hawaiian pizzas. then he said: “can’t run away from it now. i promise you’ll love it.” i argued that i genuinely couldn’t eat the pizza and i wouldn’t be paying for them if this is just some attempt to force me to eat it, one of our friends called me dramatic, while the other played mediator with jamie. then, bob said that if i wasn’t going to pay for the pizzas then i could leave… so i left. jamie texted later to apologize but a few of our friends are saying that i’m the asshole for “ditching my responsibilities” and that “it was fine because there were other foods”. people are generally pretty torn on the situation, so reddit… aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (25f) don’t like pineapple. it makes my mouth itch (i’m not sure if it’s an allergy since it seems to happen to quite a few other people i know as well) and i don’t like the flavour so i tend to stay away from it. naturally, this means i’m in the “no pineapples on pizza” camp where even picking it off isn’t an option for me. of course, this has lead to ridicule from friends and family alike and i like to believe i’m a good sport about it: always gentle ribbing and banter even though i genuinely cannot eat it, though there are a few in my circle that seem to think it’s “all in my head” and i “just haven’t had a good hawaiian yet”. one such person is bob(27m), who i met in uni and have been friends with for about 6 years. somehow, bob and i have never been in a situation where i have had to decline eating pineapples so he’s never been in a position to force that on me… until tonight. bob and his partner jamie(28m) threw a party to celebrate their anniversary (their get together story involves quite a bit of our friend group) and we were all responsible for at least one thing. i volunteered to pay for the pizzas (3 large) since i was at work all day and couldn’t help with anything else. we all agreed on cheese, since it was the safest bet for everyone and i arrived at their house thinking that the agreement stood. graciously, jamie let me use his bathroom so i could clean up after work and when i came out, the delivery person was in the entryway with the 3 pies, a smug looking bob, 2 of our mutual friends, and a nervous looking jamie. the delivery person handed me the receipt while telling me the total and i realised that bob had ordered 3 large hawaiian pizzas. then he said: “can’t run away from it now. i promise you’ll love it.” i argued that i genuinely couldn’t eat the pizza and i wouldn’t be paying for them if this is just some attempt to force me to eat it, one of our friends called me dramatic, while the other played mediator with jamie. then, bob said that if i wasn’t going to pay for the pizzas then i could leave… so i left. jamie texted later to apologize but a few of our friends are saying that i’m the asshole for “ditching my responsibilities” and that “it was fine because there were other foods”. people are generally pretty torn on the situation, so reddit… aita? [/INST] nta it is just rude to get all the pizza the same, particularly when they are doing it just to pick on someone. </s>
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AITA for asking my MIL and SIL to leave mid-wedding dress shopping because they didn't respect my no-phone policy?
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i'm sure the title paints me as a bridezilla, but i hope my background can excuse the no-phone policy!
long story short, my fiancé and i went through a serious health scare where we weren't sure that i was going to make it down the aisle. when my doctor gave me a clean bill of health, we immediately began planning for our wedding.
because the wedding almost didn't happen, one thing that really mattered to my fiancé and i was that we really got to experience the "magic" of the wedding we almost didn't have. one of those moments was a first look where my fiancé expressed that he really wanted to be surprised by my dress and have a moment to take it all in just the two of us (he said he's always wanted to see me as a bride).
we made this very clear to everyone who went wedding shopping with me, and they all knew the reason why. i was super concerned about my mil specifically because she had already previously forwarded inspiration images of my dress to my fiancé that i had sent to my bridal party for reference. my fiancé was upset, they had a talk, and everything seemed ok.
because my mil said she did it from "being too excited" and it didn't seem malicious, i decided to extend an invite to the actual dress shopping with one rule: she had to give her phone to my moh. she agreed, but the day of, my mother saw that she took my sil's phone and sneakily took photos.
i told her to stop, and she got defensive, and we ended up fighting to the point where i asked mil and sil to leave. i felt like they betrayed my trust and ruined what was supposed to be a special moment. my fiancé is on my side, but the rest of his family thinks i was being too dramatic over "one photo". i think it's bigger than just the photo and has to do with my trust, but now the two sides are split. was i the ah?
| 400 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z0c5d0/aita_for_asking_my_mil_and_sil_to_leave/
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2022-11-20 18:59:55
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nta- you’re not kicking them out of the wedding you are just acknowledging that they can’t keep a secret. so they get to find out with everyone else.
that being said- don’t let your need for “special moments “ ruin your wedding. it is supposed to be the celebration of a new life together, not the right knife to cut the cake. you know how precious this chance is for the two of you, surely anything else is a minor inconvenience.
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nta. i’m not gonna lie, the beginning of this sounded a *touch* over the top, but “please don’t take pictures of my wedding dress and send them to your son” is an extremely reasonable request.
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nta you and your fiance want the dress to be a surprise mil and sil seem to think otherwise. if they cant follow simple rules they deserved it.
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nta
apparently (justifiably) treating her like a naughty child didn’t work, so good luck where you go from there.
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nta. good luck with your soon to be mil and sil. i think you are going to need it.
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nta and i think they just lost the ability to be trusted with confidential information about their son/brother for a long long time.
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nta. you explained why you had a no phone policy, and your mil and sil ignored it. they deserved to be kicked out of the dress shopping.
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nta - boundaries and consequences… you play stupid games you win stupid prizes… you behave badly, you get punished.
let’s make no mistake. your mil planned to do this. she wanted sil to come with her to use sils phone to send a pic to fiancé. and once the pic was sent, there would be no do overs.
your mil is making this about her. it’s you and your fiancé’s wedding. be wary of mil, this isn’t the last thing she is going to pull to one up you…
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nta,
your mil has proven herself untrustworthy not once but now twice.
you did the right thing kicking her out.
she’s doing major boundary stomping and probably will in the future, be prepared and put her on an information diet from now on.
i’m pleased your fiancé has got your back, that is a good thing.
good luck with your wedding!
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nta. your reasons for kicking them out of the shopping are very good. but you could take away your health history, and the whole first look part of it, and still be good. the "no photos" rule alone, for whatever reason, or even no reason at all, is more than enough.
they broke the rule. they experienced consequences.
you are absolutely correct that this is more than just "one photo". it is is about your trust. its also about more than that. its about a lack of respect for you and your fiancé, you know fmils son.
it is fabulous to hear that your fiancé is supporting you in this. hopefully he is taking the lead in shutting down his family. here's some thoughts on points for him to consider in doing so.
fmil may be excited about the wedding. but her excitement is not more important than the excitement of both of you. it is *your* wedding, not hers. it ok for her to be excited. but it has to be excitement that supports your excitement and amps it up. not excitement that damps down yours.
what she's tried multiple times now is actually stealing from you. **both of you.** she is trying to steal that moment where your fiancé sees you in your wedding dress from you. but she is also stealing that momemt from her own son. (emphasize that part with his family to no end.)
futher, it does not matter if what she is trying to share is a picture of you in **the dress**, or even just **the dress**. *anything* dress related that she shares with her son is stealing that moment from him. maybe not all at once, but bit by bit.
now, she might say she wasn't going to share the photo with him. that's nice. then why was she trying to take the photo, then? oh, for her memories... which... well, there's a solution to that could have fulfilled her desire for capturing the moment while still honoring your request. she could have asked for you to have someone like your moh or your mom take some photos with their phone and save them to share *after the wedding*.
and thats without even getting into her previous overstep and the lack of good judgement demonstrated there.
that she delibrerately took action that she knew was against what you and your fiancé want says she does not care about either you or her son. she only cares about her own self satisfaction.
at this point, fmil has a choice. on the one hand, she can admit that what she's been trying to do is wrong and learn to respect your boundaries and expectations. which will allow her to continue being made privy to details of the wedding. on the other hand, she can contine her current path. which will undoutably result in her learning everything on your wedding day, just like any other guest.
as for her supporters, well frankly this is neither their circus or their monkeys (though they're trying to by flying monkeys for fmil), so they can leave well enough alone...
because on the gripping hand, it is you and your fiancé's wedding and you have the right to protect it from any of them from ruining it before it even happens.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm sure the title paints me as a bridezilla, but i hope my background can excuse the no-phone policy! long story short, my fiancé and i went through a serious health scare where we weren't sure that i was going to make it down the aisle. when my doctor gave me a clean bill of health, we immediately began planning for our wedding. because the wedding almost didn't happen, one thing that really mattered to my fiancé and i was that we really got to experience the "magic" of the wedding we almost didn't have. one of those moments was a first look where my fiancé expressed that he really wanted to be surprised by my dress and have a moment to take it all in just the two of us (he said he's always wanted to see me as a bride). we made this very clear to everyone who went wedding shopping with me, and they all knew the reason why. i was super concerned about my mil specifically because she had already previously forwarded inspiration images of my dress to my fiancé that i had sent to my bridal party for reference. my fiancé was upset, they had a talk, and everything seemed ok. because my mil said she did it from "being too excited" and it didn't seem malicious, i decided to extend an invite to the actual dress shopping with one rule: she had to give her phone to my moh. she agreed, but the day of, my mother saw that she took my sil's phone and sneakily took photos. i told her to stop, and she got defensive, and we ended up fighting to the point where i asked mil and sil to leave. i felt like they betrayed my trust and ruined what was supposed to be a special moment. my fiancé is on my side, but the rest of his family thinks i was being too dramatic over "one photo". i think it's bigger than just the photo and has to do with my trust, but now the two sides are split. was i the ah?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm sure the title paints me as a bridezilla, but i hope my background can excuse the no-phone policy! long story short, my fiancé and i went through a serious health scare where we weren't sure that i was going to make it down the aisle. when my doctor gave me a clean bill of health, we immediately began planning for our wedding. because the wedding almost didn't happen, one thing that really mattered to my fiancé and i was that we really got to experience the "magic" of the wedding we almost didn't have. one of those moments was a first look where my fiancé expressed that he really wanted to be surprised by my dress and have a moment to take it all in just the two of us (he said he's always wanted to see me as a bride). we made this very clear to everyone who went wedding shopping with me, and they all knew the reason why. i was super concerned about my mil specifically because she had already previously forwarded inspiration images of my dress to my fiancé that i had sent to my bridal party for reference. my fiancé was upset, they had a talk, and everything seemed ok. because my mil said she did it from "being too excited" and it didn't seem malicious, i decided to extend an invite to the actual dress shopping with one rule: she had to give her phone to my moh. she agreed, but the day of, my mother saw that she took my sil's phone and sneakily took photos. i told her to stop, and she got defensive, and we ended up fighting to the point where i asked mil and sil to leave. i felt like they betrayed my trust and ruined what was supposed to be a special moment. my fiancé is on my side, but the rest of his family thinks i was being too dramatic over "one photo". i think it's bigger than just the photo and has to do with my trust, but now the two sides are split. was i the ah? [/INST] nta- you’re not kicking them out of the wedding you are just acknowledging that they can’t keep a secret. so they get to find out with everyone else. that being said- don’t let your need for “special moments “ ruin your wedding. it is supposed to be the celebration of a new life together, not the right knife to cut the cake. you know how precious this chance is for the two of you, surely anything else is a minor inconvenience. </s>
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AITA if I tell my friends who have been staying with me that they need to get a hotel for the rest of the trip?
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a few weeks ago a friend of mine from another state said she wanted to visit me and asked if she could stay at my place if her stay situation falls through. i say yes. she says she has a surprise for me.
i pick her up at the airport and the “surprise” is another friend of mine. which i’m happy about but i immediately ask, “so where are you staying”
they assumed they could both stay with me even though she never mentioned a second person. so i let them both stay.
i requested a couple days off to be with them. but the next day they stay in bed and don’t do anything until like the middle of the day we just go get dinner. and when we get home they just go in their room all night.
the next day they leave to pick up a car they’re renting and then don’t come back until 8:30 at night. i sat at home waiting for them all day. i requested these days off and lost money for this.
they get home, use my kitchen to make food, then go to their room for the rest of the night.
the next morning i’m just really angry and awkward and i go to my room to change and don’t come out for a bit. when i finally do come out they’ve left again without saying anything or inviting me.
i thought they were nice but it really feels like they’re just taking advantage of me for a place to stay and i really want them to pay me back for the money i’ve lost and i want them to get their shit out and stay at a hotel.
am i an asshole if i ask them to do this?
| 1,313 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/av4f77/aita_if_i_tell_my_friends_who_have_been_staying/
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2019-02-26 20:53:18
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nta
they're taking advantage and they know it. i think it might be an overstep to ask for compensation for your time off work, but i don't think it's unfair for you to ask them to leave since they're clearly just using you as a free crash pad.
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nta- sounds like they’re using you for an accommodation, i would tell them to get lost
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esh if you ask them to pay back the money you lost out on for requesting time off. especially if you do it aggressively/vulgarly. yes, they're taking advantage of you, but demanding money in response and being vulgar with them would be an overreaction. they don't owe you any money because you didn't ask for that up front.
nta if just you ask them to leave because they're being a burden on you.
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nta - it's one thing if you all are spending time together, but it's a completely different thing if they are using you as their airbnb while they go out together and leave you behind. time for them to check out!
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nta. you are in no way obligated to pick up the slack for other people who failed to plan ahead and secure accommodations. and if they couldn't afford to travel, they shouldn't have left town. you might ask for something like $40 a day or look at comparable airbnbs in your area and charge them that. because if your "friends" had really wanted to see you, they'd spend some time with you.
and can i just say, i hate traveling with people who like to lounge around in bed all goddamn day. i'm all for sleeping in, but if you can't get out of bed until after noon, that makes me feel like my whole day is wasted. there's hours and hours there i could have been doing something else, not waiting for your lazy ass to get the fuck up so we can go have some fun. i am not above abandoning someone to do something fun and then come back later to see if they're ready to start their day. at 5:00 p.m. psh. ridiculous.
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[deleted]
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esh depending on if anything was discussed beforehand. did this seem like a trip to visit you specifically or did they just need to be in town for a few days looking for a cheap place to stay? i've definitely had friends stay with me before that i barely saw because they were in town for work/family/something i didn't really have time or a desire to go for. we'd hang out a bit or grab a bite/drinks and that'd be about it. you say this:
>a few weeks ago a friend of mine from another state said she wanted to visit me and asked if she could stay at my place if her stay situation falls through.
which leads me to think they might have just needed a place to stay and had plans already. it sucks wasting your pto but if you didn't have an idea of their plans first that's on you.
nta though if you made big plans to do all kinds of fun stuff together and now they're just using you as a place to crash.
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nta. you were kind enough to offer a fallback, and they took advantage of it immediately while disregarding your hospitality.
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info do they know you took time off work to hang out with them?
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esh - why don't you talk to them about their leaving you out, before you go burning bridges?
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
ESH
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NTA
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INFO
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ESH
| 0.260793 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: a few weeks ago a friend of mine from another state said she wanted to visit me and asked if she could stay at my place if her stay situation falls through. i say yes. she says she has a surprise for me. i pick her up at the airport and the “surprise” is another friend of mine. which i’m happy about but i immediately ask, “so where are you staying” they assumed they could both stay with me even though she never mentioned a second person. so i let them both stay. i requested a couple days off to be with them. but the next day they stay in bed and don’t do anything until like the middle of the day we just go get dinner. and when we get home they just go in their room all night. the next day they leave to pick up a car they’re renting and then don’t come back until 8:30 at night. i sat at home waiting for them all day. i requested these days off and lost money for this. they get home, use my kitchen to make food, then go to their room for the rest of the night. the next morning i’m just really angry and awkward and i go to my room to change and don’t come out for a bit. when i finally do come out they’ve left again without saying anything or inviting me. i thought they were nice but it really feels like they’re just taking advantage of me for a place to stay and i really want them to pay me back for the money i’ve lost and i want them to get their shit out and stay at a hotel. am i an asshole if i ask them to do this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
a few weeks ago a friend of mine from another state said she wanted to visit me and asked if she could stay at my place if her stay situation falls through. i say yes. she says she has a surprise for me. i pick her up at the airport and the “surprise” is another friend of mine. which i’m happy about but i immediately ask, “so where are you staying” they assumed they could both stay with me even though she never mentioned a second person. so i let them both stay. i requested a couple days off to be with them. but the next day they stay in bed and don’t do anything until like the middle of the day we just go get dinner. and when we get home they just go in their room all night. the next day they leave to pick up a car they’re renting and then don’t come back until 8:30 at night. i sat at home waiting for them all day. i requested these days off and lost money for this. they get home, use my kitchen to make food, then go to their room for the rest of the night. the next morning i’m just really angry and awkward and i go to my room to change and don’t come out for a bit. when i finally do come out they’ve left again without saying anything or inviting me. i thought they were nice but it really feels like they’re just taking advantage of me for a place to stay and i really want them to pay me back for the money i’ve lost and i want them to get their shit out and stay at a hotel. am i an asshole if i ask them to do this? [/INST] nta they're taking advantage and they know it. i think it might be an overstep to ask for compensation for your time off work, but i don't think it's unfair for you to ask them to leave since they're clearly just using you as a free crash pad. </s>
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AITA for not letting my boyfriend disclose my job/salary to his family and letting them think I’m a mooch.
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me and my bf dated all throughout college. i got along with his family okay. i say “okay” because they always had trouble with my weight/personality (i’m thin, introverted. my bf is handsome, life-of-the-party type). they have basically been telling him he can “do better” our entire relationship.
i graduated after my boyfriend and moved in with him (who was an engineer already living on his own). i had a spell of “unemployment”. although, i was generating $$$ online- sometimes even more than my bf. i also used this time to deal with something personal. of course, this whole time his family used my employment as something else to shit on me for.
well i eventually got a job- a great one. i told my boyfriend not to tell his family that i got an actual job unless they specifically ask him. i also told him not give details about my title or my salary (because i know they’re dying to know). “she works with electronics. she doesn’t want me to disclose her personal details” is basically what i told him to tell them.
my boyfriend thinks i’m a major asshole for this, but i’m just done with his family at the moment. i spent so many years trying to please them, only to have them make me shed lots of tears. i know i can easily tell them what i do/how much i make, but it’s oddly satisfying having them think i mooch off my boyfriend, but then see what i’m doing on social media and thinking “wait how would they afford that?” (yes my bf is an engineer, but this is in california lol. he can barely afford to live by himself.)
but i also can see my boyfriend’s side of things.
would like to hear other opinions! am i an asshole for this?
**
| 1,642 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ek691v/aita_for_not_letting_my_boyfriend_disclose_my/
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2020-01-05 01:56:45
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nta why are you dating someone who lets their family talk shit about you?
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nta for not wanting his family to know your personal information, it's honestly none of their business.
however, i'd probably avoid letting them think that you're a mooch, because that's probably resulting in him getting a lot of unnecessary flack about you.
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yta, but only because of how this is impacting your boyfriend. his family doesn't have any right to know your salary, but instructing him to tell them “she works with electronics. she doesn’t want me to disclose her personal details” puts him in a really weird position. if you think he needs to create more distance from his family in order for your relationship to work, have that conversation. but don't play a game where you demand he keeps your job a secret because "it’s oddly satisfying" to know they'll be confused
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yta
you need for petty revenge is putting your boyfriend in a difficult position with his family. no one wants to see their kid with a mooch, you're just causing unnecessary problems for him.
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yta... kinda. i don't think there is anything wrong with asking him to keep your salary private (that's your business), but asking him to play coy with his family so you can get the thrill of misleading them puts him in a shitty place. them being shitty to you in the past doesn't justify doing that to him.
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nah.
but let me get this straight, they used to be rude or talk about you behind your back because you weren’t making money and “mooching” off their son (your words, not mine).
so your solution is, instead of tell them your job, you’re going to pretend you don’t work.. 🤡
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unemployment sucks. my now husband was mostly unemployed for the first two plus years of our relationship. when he finally took a job just to have a job, i lost mine.
up until that point my entire family was against our getting married (we had already been engaged when i lost my job, wedding was six weeks away). when i lost my job he kept his shitty job and between my unemployment and his job we kept a roof over our heads. then the unemployment ran out. we blew through savings and used the last of our money to move to an area where he could finally use his degree. he then supported us on his own for another six months before i finally was employed. i was unemployed for 16 months.
when it was my husband who couldn’t get a job in his field (because he moved to be with me) he was a “mooch” despite the fact that he was paying his fair share of the rent, utilities, and all food. when my new career crashed and burned he stepped up and that was when my family shut up.
i’m not saying the two instances are the same. but i am saying that if you want them to shut up, they need to see that they are wrong.
no they don’t need to know how much you are making, but if you are doing well, let your bf brag. he has put up with their shit for along time and he deserves to tell them that they were wrong.
i’m going with a soft yta, let him brag about your accomplishments.
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yta. you've been with this guys for a long enough where is guys are more than likely going to get married. i understand the salary part but telling your boyfriend to intentionally lie, omit things from his families is an ah thing to do,
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yta- i don't think you should ask your boyfriend to keep basic facts about you secret just so that you can get some sense of satisfaction. of course he doesn't need to tell them about your salary, but i don't think it's fair to ask him to keep your job (a basic thing about your life) secret from his own family just so you can feel better
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nah
* if you've been dating for years it's reasonable that the parents want to know what your job is.
* your salary is personal; you are under no obligation to share this information.
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
| 0.427172 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me and my bf dated all throughout college. i got along with his family okay. i say “okay” because they always had trouble with my weight/personality (i’m thin, introverted. my bf is handsome, life-of-the-party type). they have basically been telling him he can “do better” our entire relationship. i graduated after my boyfriend and moved in with him (who was an engineer already living on his own). i had a spell of “unemployment”. although, i was generating $$$ online- sometimes even more than my bf. i also used this time to deal with something personal. of course, this whole time his family used my employment as something else to shit on me for. well i eventually got a job- a great one. i told my boyfriend not to tell his family that i got an actual job unless they specifically ask him. i also told him not give details about my title or my salary (because i know they’re dying to know). “she works with electronics. she doesn’t want me to disclose her personal details” is basically what i told him to tell them. my boyfriend thinks i’m a major asshole for this, but i’m just done with his family at the moment. i spent so many years trying to please them, only to have them make me shed lots of tears. i know i can easily tell them what i do/how much i make, but it’s oddly satisfying having them think i mooch off my boyfriend, but then see what i’m doing on social media and thinking “wait how would they afford that?” (yes my bf is an engineer, but this is in california lol. he can barely afford to live by himself.) but i also can see my boyfriend’s side of things. would like to hear other opinions! am i an asshole for this? **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me and my bf dated all throughout college. i got along with his family okay. i say “okay” because they always had trouble with my weight/personality (i’m thin, introverted. my bf is handsome, life-of-the-party type). they have basically been telling him he can “do better” our entire relationship. i graduated after my boyfriend and moved in with him (who was an engineer already living on his own). i had a spell of “unemployment”. although, i was generating $$$ online- sometimes even more than my bf. i also used this time to deal with something personal. of course, this whole time his family used my employment as something else to shit on me for. well i eventually got a job- a great one. i told my boyfriend not to tell his family that i got an actual job unless they specifically ask him. i also told him not give details about my title or my salary (because i know they’re dying to know). “she works with electronics. she doesn’t want me to disclose her personal details” is basically what i told him to tell them. my boyfriend thinks i’m a major asshole for this, but i’m just done with his family at the moment. i spent so many years trying to please them, only to have them make me shed lots of tears. i know i can easily tell them what i do/how much i make, but it’s oddly satisfying having them think i mooch off my boyfriend, but then see what i’m doing on social media and thinking “wait how would they afford that?” (yes my bf is an engineer, but this is in california lol. he can barely afford to live by himself.) but i also can see my boyfriend’s side of things. would like to hear other opinions! am i an asshole for this? ** [/INST] nta why are you dating someone who lets their family talk shit about you? </s>
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AITA for making my ex bribe me every time he misses his parenting time?
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my ex fought very hard for our current parenting agreement but he never sticks to his days as his work schedule is long and at times unpredictable. it was frustrating for me and it would hurt my son that he wouldn’t see his dad when he thought he was going to, so i threatened to drop our son off to my ex one day when he was having dinner with a client since it was his day. ever since, my ex has offered me and our son bribes whenever he misses his day and is a lot better at making the time up with our son.
he told my brother he couldn’t go on the boys trip their friends are planning because he was taking me and our son on a safari holiday to make up for missing his time with our son. i don’t know what he said exactly but he explained that he bribes me whenever he misses his parenting time to keep the peace.
my brother confronted me about it and told me i was humiliating myself, him and our family by acting like a beggar. he said if i wanted to take my son on holiday, i should’ve asked him or our parents instead of emotionally blackmailing my ex into bribing me. he kept going on and on about how their business was important and i should be more understanding of my ex sometimes having to miss time with my son as his hard work would only benefit my son in the long-term.
aita?
| 182 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z5lj7a/aita_for_making_my_ex_bribe_me_every_time_he/
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2022-11-26 23:40:32
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nta. brother should mind his own business. your life is your business. whatever it takes to makes sons life as fulfilling as possible is what it takes.
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based off the info provided, nta. unless you’re blackmailing him and threatening to go to cps/the courts/etc i don’t see how you’d be in the wrong. the only one suffering here is your child. your ex should be embarrassed that he had to resort to bribing because he can’t stick to his fatherly duties.
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it doesn't sound like you actually ask for any of it, just threaten to make him take his son when he's supposed to. you need to be documenting every time he's skipping his court appointed parenting time. after a year passes, go back to court for a revision that better fits your life /schedule with your backup. it's not fair to your son even if you guys get make-up-gifts, he's being shown you can try to buy love and thats not how it works and it will still hurt him in the end. nta.
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nta.
who's to say that this safari holiday will ever happen? your ex is only going to get so long to watch his boy grow up and i'm pretty sure he'd rather a guaranteed pizza and movie night with your ex than this safari holiday which might never happen.
and your brother has no business getting involved.
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don’t call it a bribe. it’s an asshole tax. a dad who misses out on time with his child after fighting to get that time must pay a tax proportionate to his behavior.
he is being taxed for his actions. now, one smart thing to do with that tax would be to put it in a 529 plan so that your ex’s actions can fund his child’s education. but unless your brother is paying your bills and being a father to your son full time, he can keep his nose out of your business. your ex told him whatever he told him so that your brother would put pressure on you to stop the taxation.
nta. tell your ex that he either keeps paying his bad behavior tax, or the custody agreement gets amended and the child support goes up up up.
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nta he either wants part custody or he doesn’t, the guy isn’t there for his days anyway so why not petition for full custody and he can swing by when he “gets the time” to be a “dad”. he doesn’t get to choose to be a father when it’s convenient for him.
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fatherhood isn't humiliating. nta.
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nta and you are really surrounded and infiltrated by incredibly sexist and authoritarian men, aren't you? you've had to strike a bargain with the patriarchs to get your ex to spend time with his son, and that's shitty, but if that's all the latitude you have to get what your son needs, then so be it. i hope that you can find a better way to establish clear lines and your own authority for your son's sake. he is getting so many mixed signals and also seeing his mom have to put up with all kinds of abuse -- will he grow up to be just like his dad and uncle, bullying women because of his own insecurities?
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nta. your brother needs to mind his own business. it is really weird that your brother thinks it's more important for your ex to go on a trip with his boyfriends than a trip with his son.
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nta
they aren't bribes so much as monetary consequences for not pulling his damn weight as a father.
even if you were an asshole if it works for everybody and the kid is happy, who gives a crap? tell your brother to mind his damn business.
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my ex fought very hard for our current parenting agreement but he never sticks to his days as his work schedule is long and at times unpredictable. it was frustrating for me and it would hurt my son that he wouldn’t see his dad when he thought he was going to, so i threatened to drop our son off to my ex one day when he was having dinner with a client since it was his day. ever since, my ex has offered me and our son bribes whenever he misses his day and is a lot better at making the time up with our son. he told my brother he couldn’t go on the boys trip their friends are planning because he was taking me and our son on a safari holiday to make up for missing his time with our son. i don’t know what he said exactly but he explained that he bribes me whenever he misses his parenting time to keep the peace. my brother confronted me about it and told me i was humiliating myself, him and our family by acting like a beggar. he said if i wanted to take my son on holiday, i should’ve asked him or our parents instead of emotionally blackmailing my ex into bribing me. he kept going on and on about how their business was important and i should be more understanding of my ex sometimes having to miss time with my son as his hard work would only benefit my son in the long-term. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my ex fought very hard for our current parenting agreement but he never sticks to his days as his work schedule is long and at times unpredictable. it was frustrating for me and it would hurt my son that he wouldn’t see his dad when he thought he was going to, so i threatened to drop our son off to my ex one day when he was having dinner with a client since it was his day. ever since, my ex has offered me and our son bribes whenever he misses his day and is a lot better at making the time up with our son. he told my brother he couldn’t go on the boys trip their friends are planning because he was taking me and our son on a safari holiday to make up for missing his time with our son. i don’t know what he said exactly but he explained that he bribes me whenever he misses his parenting time to keep the peace. my brother confronted me about it and told me i was humiliating myself, him and our family by acting like a beggar. he said if i wanted to take my son on holiday, i should’ve asked him or our parents instead of emotionally blackmailing my ex into bribing me. he kept going on and on about how their business was important and i should be more understanding of my ex sometimes having to miss time with my son as his hard work would only benefit my son in the long-term. aita? [/INST] nta. brother should mind his own business. your life is your business. whatever it takes to makes sons life as fulfilling as possible is what it takes. </s>
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AITA for getting angry at my husband for telling my manager to give me an extra long lunch and causing a scene?
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before i got married, i used to have a job and i was trying to establish a career. i didn’t exactly enjoy what i was doing so when i had to give it all up after marriage, i didn’t think it was a big sacrifice at the time.
unfortunately, being a housewife is also definitely not for me. i think if i had a child, i would’ve been happy being home but as it was… i just felt useless. my husband didn’t understand why i wanted a job and was against me working. he finally agreed with the condition i would be working for him.
i really enjoy the job and my colleagues are great. very few people know i’m the boss’ wife as i wanted everybody to treat me how they would treat anybody else and i didn’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable having to work with me.
the issue is that my husband thinks that just because he’s the boss he can tell me to take extra long lunches whenever he feels like it. i’ve been refusing so he decided it would be appropriate to tell my manager to give me 2 hours for lunch on friday. i was really upset when my manager told me and kept insisting i take 2 hours, instead of the usual 1 hour for lunch.
i went up to his office and confronted him. he thought i was going to go on a little lunch date with him but instead we had an argument. he told me to stop raising my voice because i was causing a scene but i was so upset so i never listened. eventually he got angry and told me to go back to work and that he was telling me as the boss, not my husband.
aita?
| 891 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sm9mzo/aita_for_getting_angry_at_my_husband_for_telling/
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2022-02-06 22:31:57
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nta. get another job, and if your husband won't "allow" you to do so, get another husband.
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nta get a new husband and a new job. not allowing you to work for anyone besides him is abuse.
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nta
your husband is just lol
get a job somewhere else. he doesn't have to give you permission to work or have your own life. getting 2 hour long lunch is absurd and making you have one against your will is pretty controlling.
did he want to have a 2 hour long lunch with you or to get a bj in his office or what? xd
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nta. op your being financially abused. your a grown adult and not 'allowed' to work where you want. you should be very concerned.
i wouldnt stay around.
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nta and thats a really weird power imbalance. its good that you're enjoying your work and colleagues but this will most likely not be a one time situation. maybe you guys could have a talk at home where you can both set up some ground rules and talk about your needs in this situation
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wow nta. why did you have to stop working after getting married? why do you have to work for him?? dude is controlling af. if he wants to be so ridiculous to demand you get extra long lunches, he can suffer the consequences of being ridiculous.
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[deleted]
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nta
oh, honey, run from this controlling, misogynistic ah
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nta.
it is not up to him if you have a job or who you work for.
he should not be forcing special treatment on you.
you should just take a long lunch cuz f it.
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nta
husband is the ah, he can't keep flip flopping like that between treating you like his wife, his employee, his wife and his employee and expect to still be married.
you're not his puppet and let him know that if he wants a lunch date with you in the middle of a workday that he has to clear it with you first, dates are not one sided decisions. honestly it's absurd you had to get his approval to get a job in the first place, let alone he got to choose where you worked. raising your voice was valid because it seems like he keeps deflecting your wishes and smothering you in his own. you deserve to be heard and you deserve your own happiness. individuality is what makes marriage special; that two people can become one team. not one person.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: before i got married, i used to have a job and i was trying to establish a career. i didn’t exactly enjoy what i was doing so when i had to give it all up after marriage, i didn’t think it was a big sacrifice at the time. unfortunately, being a housewife is also definitely not for me. i think if i had a child, i would’ve been happy being home but as it was… i just felt useless. my husband didn’t understand why i wanted a job and was against me working. he finally agreed with the condition i would be working for him. i really enjoy the job and my colleagues are great. very few people know i’m the boss’ wife as i wanted everybody to treat me how they would treat anybody else and i didn’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable having to work with me. the issue is that my husband thinks that just because he’s the boss he can tell me to take extra long lunches whenever he feels like it. i’ve been refusing so he decided it would be appropriate to tell my manager to give me 2 hours for lunch on friday. i was really upset when my manager told me and kept insisting i take 2 hours, instead of the usual 1 hour for lunch. i went up to his office and confronted him. he thought i was going to go on a little lunch date with him but instead we had an argument. he told me to stop raising my voice because i was causing a scene but i was so upset so i never listened. eventually he got angry and told me to go back to work and that he was telling me as the boss, not my husband. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
before i got married, i used to have a job and i was trying to establish a career. i didn’t exactly enjoy what i was doing so when i had to give it all up after marriage, i didn’t think it was a big sacrifice at the time. unfortunately, being a housewife is also definitely not for me. i think if i had a child, i would’ve been happy being home but as it was… i just felt useless. my husband didn’t understand why i wanted a job and was against me working. he finally agreed with the condition i would be working for him. i really enjoy the job and my colleagues are great. very few people know i’m the boss’ wife as i wanted everybody to treat me how they would treat anybody else and i didn’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable having to work with me. the issue is that my husband thinks that just because he’s the boss he can tell me to take extra long lunches whenever he feels like it. i’ve been refusing so he decided it would be appropriate to tell my manager to give me 2 hours for lunch on friday. i was really upset when my manager told me and kept insisting i take 2 hours, instead of the usual 1 hour for lunch. i went up to his office and confronted him. he thought i was going to go on a little lunch date with him but instead we had an argument. he told me to stop raising my voice because i was causing a scene but i was so upset so i never listened. eventually he got angry and told me to go back to work and that he was telling me as the boss, not my husband. aita? [/INST] nta. get another job, and if your husband won't "allow" you to do so, get another husband. </s>
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AITA for legally changing my name and refusing to speak to my mother
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growing up, my mother had a horrible habit of trying to one-up my aunt terra. she did everything from dying her hair like my aunt, making our living room a replica of her's, and getting better versions of her pets. my mom was the "pretty sister" growing up, married "better" and had "better kids."
this caused huge resentment for my siblings and i. everything we did was thrown into our cousin's faces. this led to us not speaking to my mother that often and refusing to go to see our aunt terra. i was close with my cousins \[we went to the same school\] but i hated when my mom was around.
what made it even more awkward was the fact my mom stole my aunt terra's names.
my oldest brother is martin and a year younger than cousin martina. i am named for my cousin rebecca \[i'm becca\] and we are six months apart.
i started going by eve \[short for my middle name evelyn\] when i was 13. my mom refused to call me anything but becca. but my whole family was more than happy to call me whatever i wanted. my brother went by his middle name as well.
i turned 18 and my dad paid for the legal name change. i am now evelyn surname.
my mom threw a fit and threatened to never speak to me again. i took her up on that offer and stopped contact. my dad has since divorced her and at 25 i have not spoken to her in *years.* she has reached out to me and said she was in therapy, had started medication for bipolar, and she wants me in her life.
i was almost tempted but she ended the message with "i miss my becca."
i told her she had the wrong person, there was no becca here. i told her when she wanted to speak to eve i would be here. she has not reached out since.
aita?
**thank you everyone for your replies. i have a lot to think about. i have had so many messages i am not sure how to reply to them all. but thanks everyone who took the time!**
| 18,152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ft5rx2/aita_for_legally_changing_my_name_and_refusing_to/
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2020-04-01 18:33:51
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nta, and you handled her text very well. if she really wants to talk to you and gain your respect, she knows what to do.
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nta
you don't have to like who your mother was and who she is now. she will probably learn to call you eve or she won't. she sounds like she was abusive.
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omg evelyn is a beautiful name by the way! oh and nta, your mother had clearly some problems.. the fact that she wants you back is sweet, but the fact that she wants you back only in her way is disgusting! you're evelyn, not becca, thats legal now.
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nta. she needs to accept you and your name and she clearly does not.
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nta i’m glad you’re out of that toxic place now
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nta. that sounds miserable and i feel bad for you and your siblings and your cousins. your mom is upset over something as small as a name change? that’s ridiculous. she sounds really dramatic
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nta. however...
i have bipolar disorder. it is good that your mom is getting help in dealing with this disease, because it really does affect every aspect of one's life-- mental, physical as well as emotional. she is probably in the early stages of recovery and is most likely trying to make sense out of her life and how she's royally fucked it all up. part of that is reconciling with everybody she's managed to alienate over the course of her life. that can be extremely difficult and painful. she is obviously having a hard time reconciling who you are with who she wants you to be and how she wants to remember you.
it was an asshole move on her part. part of recovery from a mental illness is taking responsibility for your past actions and not making excuses for them. i would say leave the door open for future communication. but stick to your guns. you're name is eve, not becca, and she needs to realize and accept that.
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nta if we want someone in our lives we need to understand and appreciate who they are.
a person's name is the barest minimum.
btw, somewhat unrelated, evelyn is a better name than rebecca.
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not only are you not the asshole, but you should be very careful letting her back in. make some serious boundaries and make them stick. she sounds nuts. be safe. i've seen a lot of true crime drama stories that start this way.
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nta, and honestly i admire you for treating your aunt and cousins more fairly than your mother did. you were more of an adult than she, even as a child.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: growing up, my mother had a horrible habit of trying to one-up my aunt terra. she did everything from dying her hair like my aunt, making our living room a replica of her's, and getting better versions of her pets. my mom was the "pretty sister" growing up, married "better" and had "better kids." this caused huge resentment for my siblings and i. everything we did was thrown into our cousin's faces. this led to us not speaking to my mother that often and refusing to go to see our aunt terra. i was close with my cousins \[we went to the same school\] but i hated when my mom was around. what made it even more awkward was the fact my mom stole my aunt terra's names. my oldest brother is martin and a year younger than cousin martina. i am named for my cousin rebecca \[i'm becca\] and we are six months apart. i started going by eve \[short for my middle name evelyn\] when i was 13. my mom refused to call me anything but becca. but my whole family was more than happy to call me whatever i wanted. my brother went by his middle name as well. i turned 18 and my dad paid for the legal name change. i am now evelyn surname. my mom threw a fit and threatened to never speak to me again. i took her up on that offer and stopped contact. my dad has since divorced her and at 25 i have not spoken to her in *years.* she has reached out to me and said she was in therapy, had started medication for bipolar, and she wants me in her life. i was almost tempted but she ended the message with "i miss my becca." i told her she had the wrong person, there was no becca here. i told her when she wanted to speak to eve i would be here. she has not reached out since. aita? **thank you everyone for your replies. i have a lot to think about. i have had so many messages i am not sure how to reply to them all. but thanks everyone who took the time!**
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
growing up, my mother had a horrible habit of trying to one-up my aunt terra. she did everything from dying her hair like my aunt, making our living room a replica of her's, and getting better versions of her pets. my mom was the "pretty sister" growing up, married "better" and had "better kids." this caused huge resentment for my siblings and i. everything we did was thrown into our cousin's faces. this led to us not speaking to my mother that often and refusing to go to see our aunt terra. i was close with my cousins \[we went to the same school\] but i hated when my mom was around. what made it even more awkward was the fact my mom stole my aunt terra's names. my oldest brother is martin and a year younger than cousin martina. i am named for my cousin rebecca \[i'm becca\] and we are six months apart. i started going by eve \[short for my middle name evelyn\] when i was 13. my mom refused to call me anything but becca. but my whole family was more than happy to call me whatever i wanted. my brother went by his middle name as well. i turned 18 and my dad paid for the legal name change. i am now evelyn surname. my mom threw a fit and threatened to never speak to me again. i took her up on that offer and stopped contact. my dad has since divorced her and at 25 i have not spoken to her in *years.* she has reached out to me and said she was in therapy, had started medication for bipolar, and she wants me in her life. i was almost tempted but she ended the message with "i miss my becca." i told her she had the wrong person, there was no becca here. i told her when she wanted to speak to eve i would be here. she has not reached out since. aita? **thank you everyone for your replies. i have a lot to think about. i have had so many messages i am not sure how to reply to them all. but thanks everyone who took the time!** [/INST] nta, and you handled her text very well. if she really wants to talk to you and gain your respect, she knows what to do. </s>
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AITAH for getting upset at my husband is being so harsh over locked doors?
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some context: my husband works swing shifts and works overnight often. he works a job that can involve a lot of death is very safety conscious- i completely understand. he is a wonderful person and love him very much.
so i have newly diagnosed adhd and sometimes forget to close and lock the doors. i’ve been a lot better lately and it’s been a long time since i last forgot. i just lock any door i come in and out of. it’s mostly habit by now, but once in a long while i’ll slip up. where we live is incredibly safe. almost no crime ever in our neck of the woods, and we are pretty secluded on a hill. but when i forget and my husband notices when he gets home, his immediate response is “i’m glad you’re not dead” or “oh good to see nothing happened” in a harsh tone. i don’t mind being told i goofed up. i just am hurt by his wordage. i have asked him to not phrase it that way but it doesn’t really change. i understand he’s trying to “motivate” me to remember, but that only makes me feel so crappy. i’m a forgetful person and i have put in decent effort to check before bed every night, but sometimes i’m going to screw up. i think he’s overreacting, but i can absolutely see the points he makes. he just wants to make sure i’m safe while he’s not home. i’m sure i’m overreacting as well, maybe i’m just getting defensive. i do need to own the l a bit better i’ll admit. but his reactions are really painful and i feel like i can’t avoid them.
| 899 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x4tfml/aitah_for_getting_upset_at_my_husband_is_being_so/
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2022-09-03 12:37:55
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yta.
being secluded on a hill makes it worse.
fwiw, this would be a dealbreaker for me in a relationship. i also live in a safe neighbor - but the door stays locked. always. always. it's not something i even need to check, because it's automatic. you lock the door when you come in.
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yta. i think that it’s important to own up to the fact you aren’t holding yourself accountable for a very typical adult task. you need this phrase in your life “adhd is not my fault, but it is my responsibility”. you know what your challenges are with adhd, so you are now responsible for finding strategies or accommodations to make sure those challenges don’t cause issues.
a simple fix for this is to get a wifi enabled keypad doorlock. you can set it to automatically lock when shut, you never have to worry about losing your key, and if your husband is concerned he can check the app to make sure its locked. finding solutions like this to mitigate your forgetfulness is how you take responsibility.
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nta- you are actively trying to make sure you lock the door. people make mistakes including your husband. would he be ok with you making snide condescending remarks when he makes a mistake? i think not. this isn’t about your safety it’s about his need to keep you in your place and remind you he’s superior.
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you say you have adhd, and yes that will make you forget things like that. perhaps you could try changing the locks so they lock when you close the door? to some this is going to sound like a bandaid that will not correct the underlying problem. and it is, because your adhd will not go away.
people with other disabilities will arrange their enviroment to fit with their disability. you get to do the same.
im gonna go with nah here. i get that your husband dont like it, but you are not doing it on purpose.
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you're nta, and a lot of people here are missing the point.
what we're all about here is moral judgements and what you're doing isn't a moral question at all - it's not that you've decided you won't lock the doors, it's that you've discovered you *can't*. it's bad, but it's bad like bad weather - it's bad, but it's not immoral, it simply **is**.
your partner on the other hand is making a choice, and he's choosing to be snarky and negative rather than supportive, and that is asshole-ish behaviour.
he's not wrong that the doors need to be locked, but he's not working with you in partnership - what a partner really should do - to help you succeed, he's just making you feel bad about your failures. that's neither kind, nor productive.
what you need to do is work together to find a suitable technical solution that ensures the house is secure even if you forget to lock up because no amount of berating is going to make adhd just evaporate. in the same way that a person who has difficulty walking might need a cane for support, you have difficulty with this and need support.
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nta. it’s not like you’re doing it on purpose to spite him! i can’t believe how many votes you’re getting for the other side. it’s a little mistake that doesn’t happen often. nta but he is for the comments he’s making.
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set an alarm in your phone as a reminder to lock up
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> dead” or “oh good to see nothing happened” in a harsh tone
that is not at all conducive to a healthy relationship, communication or building the muscle memory to help remember to lock the door.
everyone forgets occassionally, but as long as the effort is being made, reminders don't have to be harsh or ugly.
nta, though i question your husbands approach.
as an aside, i live out in the country and haven't locked the door in years, don't even know where the key is. i don't lock my car either.
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nta i have add, until last year i've never had to use a key to enter my home it had a pad lock, now that i use a key its very hard for me to remember to actually take it out of the door after unlocking it. i've forgotten and left my keys in my door at least 3 times overnight luckily i live in a condominium area so its gated off from the public streets.
my boyfriend doesn't tell me "im glad your not dead" he says "i love you, you can't help your brain chemistry" and he helped me figure out ways to prevent it from happening.( there is a special hook my keys must be hanging from while i'm home)
you are making a mistake its a dangerous one so i get why your husband is frustrated but taking to you like your an idiot helps no one
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nta of course you need to work on locking the doors, but he doesn't need to phrase it like that. especially after you've mentioned that it upsets you. but you should probably look into automatic locks, cause it seems like this really concerns him.
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.204124 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: some context: my husband works swing shifts and works overnight often. he works a job that can involve a lot of death is very safety conscious- i completely understand. he is a wonderful person and love him very much. so i have newly diagnosed adhd and sometimes forget to close and lock the doors. i’ve been a lot better lately and it’s been a long time since i last forgot. i just lock any door i come in and out of. it’s mostly habit by now, but once in a long while i’ll slip up. where we live is incredibly safe. almost no crime ever in our neck of the woods, and we are pretty secluded on a hill. but when i forget and my husband notices when he gets home, his immediate response is “i’m glad you’re not dead” or “oh good to see nothing happened” in a harsh tone. i don’t mind being told i goofed up. i just am hurt by his wordage. i have asked him to not phrase it that way but it doesn’t really change. i understand he’s trying to “motivate” me to remember, but that only makes me feel so crappy. i’m a forgetful person and i have put in decent effort to check before bed every night, but sometimes i’m going to screw up. i think he’s overreacting, but i can absolutely see the points he makes. he just wants to make sure i’m safe while he’s not home. i’m sure i’m overreacting as well, maybe i’m just getting defensive. i do need to own the l a bit better i’ll admit. but his reactions are really painful and i feel like i can’t avoid them.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
some context: my husband works swing shifts and works overnight often. he works a job that can involve a lot of death is very safety conscious- i completely understand. he is a wonderful person and love him very much. so i have newly diagnosed adhd and sometimes forget to close and lock the doors. i’ve been a lot better lately and it’s been a long time since i last forgot. i just lock any door i come in and out of. it’s mostly habit by now, but once in a long while i’ll slip up. where we live is incredibly safe. almost no crime ever in our neck of the woods, and we are pretty secluded on a hill. but when i forget and my husband notices when he gets home, his immediate response is “i’m glad you’re not dead” or “oh good to see nothing happened” in a harsh tone. i don’t mind being told i goofed up. i just am hurt by his wordage. i have asked him to not phrase it that way but it doesn’t really change. i understand he’s trying to “motivate” me to remember, but that only makes me feel so crappy. i’m a forgetful person and i have put in decent effort to check before bed every night, but sometimes i’m going to screw up. i think he’s overreacting, but i can absolutely see the points he makes. he just wants to make sure i’m safe while he’s not home. i’m sure i’m overreacting as well, maybe i’m just getting defensive. i do need to own the l a bit better i’ll admit. but his reactions are really painful and i feel like i can’t avoid them. [/INST] yta. being secluded on a hill makes it worse. fwiw, this would be a dealbreaker for me in a relationship. i also live in a safe neighbor - but the door stays locked. always. always. it's not something i even need to check, because it's automatic. you lock the door when you come in. </s>
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AITA for stealing my brother's spotlight by telling a girl I was gay?
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i (20, straight male) have a younger brother (18m). we are pretty close and a few years ago he told me he's gay. he hasn't told our parents because we were unsure how they would react.
there's a girl ("lisa", 19f) who lives down the road from us and she's had a thing for me for several years. i didn't mind at first, but since she finished school she has been giving me more and more attention. she's very loud and giggly and obnoxious and i'm not interested. she has a vegetable garden and often comes to our house with whatever she has grown that week, she somehow always seems to come around when i'm home alone. we have a pool in our back garden that she often comes round to use as well.
i have not responded to any of her flirting but she also hasn't made any real move so i never rejected her properly until last week. i got fed up and told her to back off and leave me alone. she wouldn't really, kept saying i just had to give her a chance and take her out, and that i should see her in her new bikini. i snapped and told her i'm gay to get her to back off.
that seemed to work but a couple of days later when my parents, brother and i are all in the lounge together my mum says we need to have a conversation. she tells me that lisa told her i was gay and that her and my dad fully support that. they both said they were proud of me and gave me hugs. i tried to say that i wasn't gay but they wouldn't listen. meanwhile my brother got upset and went to his room. i went to check on him an hour or so later and he cried and yelled about how he should have been the one to have this chat with our parents and i had ruined his coming out.
aita?
&#x200b;
| 4,188 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wiaikx/aita_for_stealing_my_brothers_spotlight_by/
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2022-08-07 08:10:17
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nta. you couldn't know that the word would reach your parents, nor that your brother would make a fuss over this.
in fact, i think he should be happy that he now knows his parents are supportive.
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nah except lisa.
your brother got hurt, which is understandable but you didn't commit your actions to hurt him. i've done similarly when a person of a specific gender did not understand a "no".
it's a desperate move, when nothing else works.
most people who thinks yta and that your brother needs this spotlight seem homophobic. being homosexual is not something special, it's a sexuality and it is no one's business (not even your parents!) except for the ones you establish relationships with. being gay, bi or straight is not something that needs special attention, because there's nothing extraordinary about having a sexuality, and making it as such is what creates power imbalance and homophobia.
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nta. that lisa girl should stay put. this problem could be easily resolved. make your parents understand that lida is a bit unhinged so you lied. talk to your brother. how come you have ruined his coming out? you didn't expose him. you just got into some crazy encounter. atleast you guys both know that your parents are supportive. that will be a relief. you didn't steal a spotlight. he's probably just feeling a bit of spiteful.
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from a queer person, esh. i can 100% understand your brother's experience. you used being gay as an excuse to get away from an (understandably) annoying person. however, for many queer people coming out is terrifying, scary and often dangerous. some queers can't hide their obvious queerness and so using it for your own advantage is kind of a dick move. however, i know that you had no intention for it to reach your parents so i don't want to label you ta in this situation. however just understand your brother may not see it that way. your brother has thought of how to come out to your parents 100x+ and now his moment to come out is an after thought of "oh yeah, your brother already faked coming out, you good". also lisa is an ah for "outing" you too.
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one gay man's opinion: nta. lisa is definitely the ah, first for not taking no for an answer, second for outing you out of spite! she could've put you in real danger! she is a truly awful person.
explain to your parents what happened. your brother might want to use this situation to come out if he wants to, or maybe he would want to do it later, it's his choice. you can apologize to him for this awkward situation and explain exactly how creepy lisa is. i'm sure he'll understand you were just protecting yourself.
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honestly nta. if anything you've kinda done your brother a favour because now you guys know that the waters are clear and it's safe for him to come out.
it would be different and actually incredibly harmful if you continued to actively pretend to be gay, however you just said it to get unwanted romantic pursuits off your back. you had no intention of it getting back to your family, obviously. it sounds like you told her very bluntly that the answer was no and she still wouldn't back down, so it's understandable that you said what you said. as long as you explain to your parents to clear up the miscommunication and apologize to your brother for hurting his feelings, it should be okay.
i mean yes, you did kinda steal his spotlight. that should have been his moment. i too would be upset. but at the same time i can't label you an asshole because again, you didn't mean to. it was just very unlucky that this girl happened to "out you" to your parents.
(now you have to come out as straight tho :/ good luck lmao)
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nah. except lisa.
all the people saying you're ta for lying about being gay? they wouldn't be saying that shit if you were female and lisa was a dude.
lisa was straight up harassing you. you said no. *no means no*. strange how some people have an issue with you lying about being gay to avoid harassment, but would more than likely applaud a woman for doing it to a guy harassing her.
i'm a gay man. dude, you did nothing wrong. you told her something to get her to back off. she tried to out you to your parents. she sucks.
your brother is a more delicate subject. he isn't ta for getting upset. it's understandable... to a point. i don't see why he's upset that he should have had that entire conversation with the parents. he literally just saw that your parents will accept him and love him unconditionally. that's a fucking awesome feeling.
he's probably more upset about the fact you lied and maybe he feels like it's a way to mock him and his feelings and sexuality?
i'd give him some space and time to cool off, then try to explain what happened. and apologize again. you didn't intend on it, but you still hurt him.
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nta. hell, i would have been grateful you broke the ice and made it known there would be no disowning, disposing of, or abuse over this issue if i were your brother. it's not like you didn't directly tell them why you said that to begin with. it's not your fault they refused that information.
give him time to deal with the situation and try being more adamant with your parents.
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nta
i totally get why your brother is upset, that should have been his moment. seeing how supportive your parents were must have been a double edged sword for him, on the one hand he now knows he can safely and confidently come out to them, on the other hand he probably feels he's just riding your coat tails now.
i've never been a fan of lying as a method of rejecting someone but there are times when there's not really any other choice, it's lie or suffer the harassment, that seems to have been the case here so i can't really fault you for that. and having a gay brother means the idea of pretending to be gay would quickly spring to mind, so again, i can't really fault you for choosing that particular lie. but still, there were surely other potential lies you could have come up with and this one had unforseen consequences which ultimately hurt your brother, so for that i think you should apologise if you haven't already. you may not feel responsible but your actions led to this outcome.
as you and your brother have a close relationship i'm sure you'll work this out somehow. i imagine it needs to start with you 'coming out' as straight to your parents. i hope it all works out for your brother and hopefully this will all just be a fun and unique coming out story for your brother to tell at future gatherings.
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nta. it would be great if we lived in a world where we could just say “i’m not interested, thanks anyways” and be left alone. unfortunately we don’t.
in my experience predatory men are deterred by a woman “belonging” to another man (which is why so many women lie about not being single in these situations), but predatory women are often only more aggressive when they have “competition”. you came up with a lie on the spot to get her to leave you alone.
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.028811 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (20, straight male) have a younger brother (18m). we are pretty close and a few years ago he told me he's gay. he hasn't told our parents because we were unsure how they would react. there's a girl ("lisa", 19f) who lives down the road from us and she's had a thing for me for several years. i didn't mind at first, but since she finished school she has been giving me more and more attention. she's very loud and giggly and obnoxious and i'm not interested. she has a vegetable garden and often comes to our house with whatever she has grown that week, she somehow always seems to come around when i'm home alone. we have a pool in our back garden that she often comes round to use as well. i have not responded to any of her flirting but she also hasn't made any real move so i never rejected her properly until last week. i got fed up and told her to back off and leave me alone. she wouldn't really, kept saying i just had to give her a chance and take her out, and that i should see her in her new bikini. i snapped and told her i'm gay to get her to back off. that seemed to work but a couple of days later when my parents, brother and i are all in the lounge together my mum says we need to have a conversation. she tells me that lisa told her i was gay and that her and my dad fully support that. they both said they were proud of me and gave me hugs. i tried to say that i wasn't gay but they wouldn't listen. meanwhile my brother got upset and went to his room. i went to check on him an hour or so later and he cried and yelled about how he should have been the one to have this chat with our parents and i had ruined his coming out. aita? &#x200b;
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (20, straight male) have a younger brother (18m). we are pretty close and a few years ago he told me he's gay. he hasn't told our parents because we were unsure how they would react. there's a girl ("lisa", 19f) who lives down the road from us and she's had a thing for me for several years. i didn't mind at first, but since she finished school she has been giving me more and more attention. she's very loud and giggly and obnoxious and i'm not interested. she has a vegetable garden and often comes to our house with whatever she has grown that week, she somehow always seems to come around when i'm home alone. we have a pool in our back garden that she often comes round to use as well. i have not responded to any of her flirting but she also hasn't made any real move so i never rejected her properly until last week. i got fed up and told her to back off and leave me alone. she wouldn't really, kept saying i just had to give her a chance and take her out, and that i should see her in her new bikini. i snapped and told her i'm gay to get her to back off. that seemed to work but a couple of days later when my parents, brother and i are all in the lounge together my mum says we need to have a conversation. she tells me that lisa told her i was gay and that her and my dad fully support that. they both said they were proud of me and gave me hugs. i tried to say that i wasn't gay but they wouldn't listen. meanwhile my brother got upset and went to his room. i went to check on him an hour or so later and he cried and yelled about how he should have been the one to have this chat with our parents and i had ruined his coming out. aita? &#x200b; [/INST] nta. you couldn't know that the word would reach your parents, nor that your brother would make a fuss over this. in fact, i think he should be happy that he now knows his parents are supportive. </s>
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AITA For Refusing to pay for my husband's meal at the restaurant?
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me f30 and my husband m32 have been married for 4 months. he likes to be independent in everything. especially when it comes to money. he's bad with money meaning he never plans for tomorrow and enjoys buying
new things everyday.
i approached him with the idea of having a joint account. and he said okay. but sadly he took it as in his salary was doubled up and kept purchasing stuff that are expensive without evening running it through me. it was just like grab money and go spend it. not okay because we have commitments.
i talked to him. his response's that since his money's in that account meaning he doesn't have to tell me about where he spends it because technically...it's his money. he admitted joint account was bad idea and unnecessary; in his words "am i crazy to think that everyone should just be able to have their own money to spend regardless of wether they were married or not?"
we decided that each of us have our own salary but both equally pay for everything. he agreed long as he could buy whatever he want with his money.
last night he suggested we go eat at a restaurant. i assumed each of us pay for our own meals. we arrived and he ordered more dishes than me and two types of desserts. when it was time for paying. i asked the waitress for separate bills and my husband looked confused when he heard. he said "you're not gonna pay for my meal too?" i told him it's his decision that each of us pay for everything 'individually'. told him this is what separate finances means. he got upset saying he spent all the money he had before coming to the restaurant and didn't think i'd actually decline to pay. so it's fair that i pay for dinne? after he argued and threw a fit i just paid for my meal and was about to leave when he called me selfish and mean.
he came home 2 hours later telling me his buddy came and paid for his meal no problem. he said i shouldn't have declined to pay for his meal and was being mean to him. i told him to not take his misplaced anger out on me but he still argued with me about what i did and how unacceptable it was.
after that i took some time to calm down. we had a talk this morning and when i suggested therapy first thing he said "okay, but who's paying?" then reminded me of what i did and how unacceptable it was. he keeps bringing it up and wants me to apologize.
in case our jobs are relevent: i'm a secretary and he's a police officer.
| 9,564 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mjwwvx/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_my_husbands_meal_at/
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2021-04-04 14:09:09
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nta but jeez, how did it get to this point? what was the financial discussion like before marriage? i mean, if this isn't resolved somehow the marriage will fall apart.
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esh. firstly, you should have discussed this before you got married. secondly, if you're already arguing over the cost of a meal 4 months in, you have problems that need solving pretty urgently.
i was with you until you *left him at the restaurant* with no means to pay. that was a really petty way to win an argument, and it puts you both in the ah basket. 4 months ago you people vowed to love each other, and you need to do it.
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completely nta. sadly most couples wait until after marriage to discuss finances.
\- what happens when one of you starts earning more than the other?
\- what happens when you have kids?
definitely he needs therapy to understand how/why he needs to spend every dollar he earns. as well as you both need financial planning. potentially the best response is that each of you has to put in x% of your salary to a joint account that covers, rent, utilities, emergency fund and other household expenses (groceries, etc). anything left he can spend as he wishes without question from you and you the same.
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info. are you married to a twelve year old? because it sounds like he spends money like he is on an allowance and he thinks mom and dad (you) will pay for what ever he wants after it is gone.
how did you not know this before you got married and while it would be a bad idea for him to have a credit card if he is this bad with money how does an adult not have a back up plan to.pay for emergencies
esh him for obvious reasons and you because you decided to leave your husband with no way to pay for something you both took part in it is not the restaurants fault you married a child
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[deleted]
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nta. but money issues cause about 40% of divorces. good luck.
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> he got upset saying he spent all the money he had before coming to the restaurant and didn't think i'd actually decline to pay.
in other words, even though he no longer has access to your money because you separated your accounts, he's still trying to spend your money. yeah, not how that works.
>he said i shouldn't have declined to pay for his meal and was being mean to him. i told him to not take his misplaced anger out on me but he still argued with me about what i did and how unacceptable it was
newp, separate finances means separate. if he was unclear on who would pay for dinner, he should have asked beforehand. instead, he just assumed you were paying, and under that assumption ordered a bunch of food. again, trying to spend your money. you weren't "mean." he failed in having the foresight to ask.
nta, and you have nothing to apologize for. even when couples choose to bank separately in a marriage (which is totally okay, and probably smart when one person has spending problems and/or a lot of debt), you are still a financial unit and there should be *some* transparency about how much money there is and where it's going. while you shouldn't have to make him account for every dime he spends, he should have bills he's responsible for and should not overspend in a way that puts pressure on you, or forces you to pay some of his expenses because he's refused to think ahead. short of a true emergency, he should not rely on you to bail him out.
marriage counseling would probably be a good idea so that you and he could have some help in hammering out an agreement about finances, and if you're both going then you both pay half. problem solved there. also, imo, at this point i think you should \*not\* have any credit accounts in both names (ie, credit card, car loan, mortgage) or any utilities in both names (water, electric, garbage, internet, cell phones, etc). that way he won't be able to run up a ton of debt in your name which you might get stuck with, and if he fails to pay whatever his assigned bills are it won't screw up your credit. you may want to seek out a financial advisor on your own for more advice on this specific topic, because until your husband gets his spending addiction under control, you have to protect yourself.
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nta but you should really start thinking if you want to continue to spend your life with this cheap asshole
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why are you two married?
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you are married to a cop with a short temper and poor impulse control? please be careful.
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0.074016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me f30 and my husband m32 have been married for 4 months. he likes to be independent in everything. especially when it comes to money. he's bad with money meaning he never plans for tomorrow and enjoys buying new things everyday. i approached him with the idea of having a joint account. and he said okay. but sadly he took it as in his salary was doubled up and kept purchasing stuff that are expensive without evening running it through me. it was just like grab money and go spend it. not okay because we have commitments. i talked to him. his response's that since his money's in that account meaning he doesn't have to tell me about where he spends it because technically...it's his money. he admitted joint account was bad idea and unnecessary; in his words "am i crazy to think that everyone should just be able to have their own money to spend regardless of wether they were married or not?" we decided that each of us have our own salary but both equally pay for everything. he agreed long as he could buy whatever he want with his money. last night he suggested we go eat at a restaurant. i assumed each of us pay for our own meals. we arrived and he ordered more dishes than me and two types of desserts. when it was time for paying. i asked the waitress for separate bills and my husband looked confused when he heard. he said "you're not gonna pay for my meal too?" i told him it's his decision that each of us pay for everything 'individually'. told him this is what separate finances means. he got upset saying he spent all the money he had before coming to the restaurant and didn't think i'd actually decline to pay. so it's fair that i pay for dinne? after he argued and threw a fit i just paid for my meal and was about to leave when he called me selfish and mean. he came home 2 hours later telling me his buddy came and paid for his meal no problem. he said i shouldn't have declined to pay for his meal and was being mean to him. i told him to not take his misplaced anger out on me but he still argued with me about what i did and how unacceptable it was. after that i took some time to calm down. we had a talk this morning and when i suggested therapy first thing he said "okay, but who's paying?" then reminded me of what i did and how unacceptable it was. he keeps bringing it up and wants me to apologize. in case our jobs are relevent: i'm a secretary and he's a police officer.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me f30 and my husband m32 have been married for 4 months. he likes to be independent in everything. especially when it comes to money. he's bad with money meaning he never plans for tomorrow and enjoys buying new things everyday. i approached him with the idea of having a joint account. and he said okay. but sadly he took it as in his salary was doubled up and kept purchasing stuff that are expensive without evening running it through me. it was just like grab money and go spend it. not okay because we have commitments. i talked to him. his response's that since his money's in that account meaning he doesn't have to tell me about where he spends it because technically...it's his money. he admitted joint account was bad idea and unnecessary; in his words "am i crazy to think that everyone should just be able to have their own money to spend regardless of wether they were married or not?" we decided that each of us have our own salary but both equally pay for everything. he agreed long as he could buy whatever he want with his money. last night he suggested we go eat at a restaurant. i assumed each of us pay for our own meals. we arrived and he ordered more dishes than me and two types of desserts. when it was time for paying. i asked the waitress for separate bills and my husband looked confused when he heard. he said "you're not gonna pay for my meal too?" i told him it's his decision that each of us pay for everything 'individually'. told him this is what separate finances means. he got upset saying he spent all the money he had before coming to the restaurant and didn't think i'd actually decline to pay. so it's fair that i pay for dinne? after he argued and threw a fit i just paid for my meal and was about to leave when he called me selfish and mean. he came home 2 hours later telling me his buddy came and paid for his meal no problem. he said i shouldn't have declined to pay for his meal and was being mean to him. i told him to not take his misplaced anger out on me but he still argued with me about what i did and how unacceptable it was. after that i took some time to calm down. we had a talk this morning and when i suggested therapy first thing he said "okay, but who's paying?" then reminded me of what i did and how unacceptable it was. he keeps bringing it up and wants me to apologize. in case our jobs are relevent: i'm a secretary and he's a police officer. [/INST] nta but jeez, how did it get to this point? what was the financial discussion like before marriage? i mean, if this isn't resolved somehow the marriage will fall apart. </s>
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AITA (33f) for telling my friend’s bf (35m) to cut his beard?
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update can be found here
https://www.reddit.com/user/nandosisnotcheeky/comments/wds9dv/update_aita_33f_for_telling_my_friends_bf_35m_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
this sounds silly, but hear me out. for context, lea (33f) and i have been friends since we were 10yo. lea has been dating dan (35m) for over a year now.
imo, dan is a walking talking red flag, he insisted on meeting all of lea’s friends pretty early but didn’t introduce her to his friends. lea has a lot of self esteem issues despite being an absolute gem of a human. i don’t like dan because he subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) puts her down in public. i’ve spoken to lea about this but she’s made it clear she wants to be with him and just wants me to be happy for her. i do my best and i’m civil.
recently, dan blessed lea by finally introducing her to his friends. he wanted her to invite her friends too, so it ended up being a party of 10. it was actually going okay, until we started talking about kids. dan cracked a joke about “hopefully our kids will look like me.”
to which one of his friends jokingly commented that lea is way out of his league, to which dan responded with “you should see her without makeup. makeup hides all the flaws.”
he’d made *many* disparaging comments before this point that we all let slide. also worth noting that lea *does* wear makeup and it’s fabulous. she’s gorge with or without, but it is something she’s self conscious about.
he started going on about how many times he’s told her to wear less makeup because it’s false advertising and how most women who wear makeup are insecure liars bla bla bla. i got annoyed and said “maybe you should shave your beard then. i heard a lot of men grow beards to fake a jawline and hide their weak chins.”
all of the women laughed, including lea, but he was sulky and had a face like a dog’s arse for the rest of the night. ive been told by two male friends to apologise, saying i took it too far. lea called and asked me to say sorry because he really took it personally and is insecure about his chin apparently. i didn’t know that beforehand, but he’s going around saying i’m a massive asshole who embarrassed him in front of his friends. i feel like he did a great job of that all on his own but now one of his friends has made a post on insta that is defo directed at me about bullies and now i’m low-key feeling a bit crazy? aita here?
| 1,488 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wcbq34/aita_33f_for_telling_my_friends_bf_35m_to_cut_his/
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2022-07-31 00:31:41
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nta. sounds like you were probably spot on.
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nta. it's funny how bullies can pick at other people's insecurities and try to make them look bad, but when the tables are turned, they can't handle it.
i just hope your friend sees sense soon & jibs him off
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nta. reply on insta that if he can't take it, maybe he shouldn't dish it out. that you see him negging your friend, and if he pulls the usual shit of trying to cut the friends out of her life, you will be on her ass like white on rice.
this is typical abusive behavior. it starts with small amounts of negative comments, then pushing the friends away, then trying to control the money, then pushing the family away, then getting her pregnant, and quitting the job. then 2-5-10-20 years later he leaves and she's totally fucked with no family, no friends, and no money.
maybe try addressing with your friend that you will support her in the relationship if she addresses the negging and sets a boundary? and that if she is too scared to do so because of how he will react, that is a huge massive red flag. like the kind that they use to have in front of perkins. like the ones dumpsters, i mean trumpsters have on their trucks. that you will be behind her every step of the way, and she can't shoo you off....but you may be waaaaaayyyyy behind her to pick up the pieces when this goes to shit.
people in the problem often can't see the forest for the trees. don't let her push you away, because she will, and he will try to make her.
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nta. he can dish it but can't take it? maybe dan mcweakchin should stfu about makeup on women.
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>i responded with ‘100%, speak your truth babes, do you wear makeup btw?’
lmao pls this is too funny😭 also, you didn't body shame him?? he shamed lea's face by saying she hid behind makeup, you insinuated he might be doing the same with his beard and stated that it wasn't fair that he was insulting lea if he was.
nta op, but i really hope you can get lea out of that relationship. she deserves better
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nta. your friend deserves better than this and you had every right to clap back.
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apologize by saying "i'm sorry about your chin."
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nta. the people in your circle will lose interest in the instagram post in a few days. if they don’t, they really need some hobbies. why don’t you pull him aside and explain that you did that so he could see how someone else feels when they’re being bullied. and let him know that every time he starts talking shit about lea you’re gonna bring up his nonexistent chin.
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nta. he's the bully. you called him on it in epic fashion. trying to make you the bully is typical gaslighting. hopefully your friend finally starts to see through his facade and realize he's no good for her.
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nta. he's just mad cause you were right. you just did the male equivalent of what he has been doing to your friend for a year, and he can't handle it. most bullies can't.
good job!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: update can be found here https://www.reddit.com/user/nandosisnotcheeky/comments/wds9dv/update_aita_33f_for_telling_my_friends_bf_35m_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf this sounds silly, but hear me out. for context, lea (33f) and i have been friends since we were 10yo. lea has been dating dan (35m) for over a year now. imo, dan is a walking talking red flag, he insisted on meeting all of lea’s friends pretty early but didn’t introduce her to his friends. lea has a lot of self esteem issues despite being an absolute gem of a human. i don’t like dan because he subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) puts her down in public. i’ve spoken to lea about this but she’s made it clear she wants to be with him and just wants me to be happy for her. i do my best and i’m civil. recently, dan blessed lea by finally introducing her to his friends. he wanted her to invite her friends too, so it ended up being a party of 10. it was actually going okay, until we started talking about kids. dan cracked a joke about “hopefully our kids will look like me.” to which one of his friends jokingly commented that lea is way out of his league, to which dan responded with “you should see her without makeup. makeup hides all the flaws.” he’d made *many* disparaging comments before this point that we all let slide. also worth noting that lea *does* wear makeup and it’s fabulous. she’s gorge with or without, but it is something she’s self conscious about. he started going on about how many times he’s told her to wear less makeup because it’s false advertising and how most women who wear makeup are insecure liars bla bla bla. i got annoyed and said “maybe you should shave your beard then. i heard a lot of men grow beards to fake a jawline and hide their weak chins.” all of the women laughed, including lea, but he was sulky and had a face like a dog’s arse for the rest of the night. ive been told by two male friends to apologise, saying i took it too far. lea called and asked me to say sorry because he really took it personally and is insecure about his chin apparently. i didn’t know that beforehand, but he’s going around saying i’m a massive asshole who embarrassed him in front of his friends. i feel like he did a great job of that all on his own but now one of his friends has made a post on insta that is defo directed at me about bullies and now i’m low-key feeling a bit crazy? aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
update can be found here https://www.reddit.com/user/nandosisnotcheeky/comments/wds9dv/update_aita_33f_for_telling_my_friends_bf_35m_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf this sounds silly, but hear me out. for context, lea (33f) and i have been friends since we were 10yo. lea has been dating dan (35m) for over a year now. imo, dan is a walking talking red flag, he insisted on meeting all of lea’s friends pretty early but didn’t introduce her to his friends. lea has a lot of self esteem issues despite being an absolute gem of a human. i don’t like dan because he subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) puts her down in public. i’ve spoken to lea about this but she’s made it clear she wants to be with him and just wants me to be happy for her. i do my best and i’m civil. recently, dan blessed lea by finally introducing her to his friends. he wanted her to invite her friends too, so it ended up being a party of 10. it was actually going okay, until we started talking about kids. dan cracked a joke about “hopefully our kids will look like me.” to which one of his friends jokingly commented that lea is way out of his league, to which dan responded with “you should see her without makeup. makeup hides all the flaws.” he’d made *many* disparaging comments before this point that we all let slide. also worth noting that lea *does* wear makeup and it’s fabulous. she’s gorge with or without, but it is something she’s self conscious about. he started going on about how many times he’s told her to wear less makeup because it’s false advertising and how most women who wear makeup are insecure liars bla bla bla. i got annoyed and said “maybe you should shave your beard then. i heard a lot of men grow beards to fake a jawline and hide their weak chins.” all of the women laughed, including lea, but he was sulky and had a face like a dog’s arse for the rest of the night. ive been told by two male friends to apologise, saying i took it too far. lea called and asked me to say sorry because he really took it personally and is insecure about his chin apparently. i didn’t know that beforehand, but he’s going around saying i’m a massive asshole who embarrassed him in front of his friends. i feel like he did a great job of that all on his own but now one of his friends has made a post on insta that is defo directed at me about bullies and now i’m low-key feeling a bit crazy? aita here? [/INST] nta. sounds like you were probably spot on. </s>
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AITA for not speaking to my sister until I get an apology
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aita for not speaking to my sister until i get an apology
so i’m currently not speaking to my sister, being stuck inside is getting to her and we’re all a bit tense and fighting more, but over the last few months she’s taken to saying that i constantly insult her and that i’m a horrible sister. bc of everything this has obviously happened more often and my brother has told me that my sister has repeatedly told my brother i have said that i’m always horrible to her.
for clarification, me and my sister have always got along very well, granted she can be annoying, and act out because she’s young, but i never insult her, the worst i have done is call her out on her bad behaviour but i never insult her, i just don’t. let alone say the things she’s accusing me of.
i ask her not to eat the strawberries with my name on them that i bought? tells people i’m calling her fat
i ask her to leave my room bc i wanna be alone bc i’m talking about stuff i don’t want her hearing on the phone? i hate her and don’t wanna speak to her
when we were allowed i spent a lot of time at my boyfriends, in a fit of rage she has repeatedly said she likes it better when i’m not here.
i am tired of being told that i’m horrible and that i constantly insult her when i literally never do, so i’m not speaking to her until she apologises, my mum thinks i should drop it bc “she’s young and shes becoming a teenager” and thinks i’m mean, but personally i know she’s extremely smart and picks up on things my mum thinks she doesn’t, and i think at almost 13 years old she’s old enough to take responsibility for her actions since i’ve taken this shit for months.
| 392 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fx8kw0/aita_for_not_speaking_to_my_sister_until_i_get_an/
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2020-04-08 15:34:18
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nta. becoming a teenager in not an excuse to be a total brat. it usually has something to do with the parenting. or in this case the lack of.
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nta. people tend to act out at people closest to them. it looks like your sister is doing the same. and considering her age she probably doesn't know how to deal with certain and possibly new feelings/emotions yet. it's always so much easier to make someone else the bad guy than to deal with your emotions. yay for puberty.
it can also be a very inefficient way to get your attention. as you get older relationships change and the way you spent time together. try to make some time and do something together that you used to do. hopefully this will help her break out of this negative focus on you and stop her from overreacting when she's experiencing negative emotions.
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nta
>ask her not to eat the strawberries with my name on them that i bought? tells people i’m calling her fat
>i ask her to leave my room bc i wanna be alone bc i’m talking about stuff i don’t want her hearing on the phone? i hate her and don’t wanna speak to her
she has a victim complex. you should not enable her.
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info; have you talked to your mom about her behavior towards you before and did she (mom) do anything about it?
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nta - since she's 'becoming a teenager,' it's time she learned not to shit where she sleeps and that actions have consequences.
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nta. she wants a reaction. by shutting down communication you are denying her that. your mother needs to step the hell up.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0.010352 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: aita for not speaking to my sister until i get an apology so i’m currently not speaking to my sister, being stuck inside is getting to her and we’re all a bit tense and fighting more, but over the last few months she’s taken to saying that i constantly insult her and that i’m a horrible sister. bc of everything this has obviously happened more often and my brother has told me that my sister has repeatedly told my brother i have said that i’m always horrible to her. for clarification, me and my sister have always got along very well, granted she can be annoying, and act out because she’s young, but i never insult her, the worst i have done is call her out on her bad behaviour but i never insult her, i just don’t. let alone say the things she’s accusing me of. i ask her not to eat the strawberries with my name on them that i bought? tells people i’m calling her fat i ask her to leave my room bc i wanna be alone bc i’m talking about stuff i don’t want her hearing on the phone? i hate her and don’t wanna speak to her when we were allowed i spent a lot of time at my boyfriends, in a fit of rage she has repeatedly said she likes it better when i’m not here. i am tired of being told that i’m horrible and that i constantly insult her when i literally never do, so i’m not speaking to her until she apologises, my mum thinks i should drop it bc “she’s young and shes becoming a teenager” and thinks i’m mean, but personally i know she’s extremely smart and picks up on things my mum thinks she doesn’t, and i think at almost 13 years old she’s old enough to take responsibility for her actions since i’ve taken this shit for months.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
aita for not speaking to my sister until i get an apology so i’m currently not speaking to my sister, being stuck inside is getting to her and we’re all a bit tense and fighting more, but over the last few months she’s taken to saying that i constantly insult her and that i’m a horrible sister. bc of everything this has obviously happened more often and my brother has told me that my sister has repeatedly told my brother i have said that i’m always horrible to her. for clarification, me and my sister have always got along very well, granted she can be annoying, and act out because she’s young, but i never insult her, the worst i have done is call her out on her bad behaviour but i never insult her, i just don’t. let alone say the things she’s accusing me of. i ask her not to eat the strawberries with my name on them that i bought? tells people i’m calling her fat i ask her to leave my room bc i wanna be alone bc i’m talking about stuff i don’t want her hearing on the phone? i hate her and don’t wanna speak to her when we were allowed i spent a lot of time at my boyfriends, in a fit of rage she has repeatedly said she likes it better when i’m not here. i am tired of being told that i’m horrible and that i constantly insult her when i literally never do, so i’m not speaking to her until she apologises, my mum thinks i should drop it bc “she’s young and shes becoming a teenager” and thinks i’m mean, but personally i know she’s extremely smart and picks up on things my mum thinks she doesn’t, and i think at almost 13 years old she’s old enough to take responsibility for her actions since i’ve taken this shit for months. [/INST] nta. becoming a teenager in not an excuse to be a total brat. it usually has something to do with the parenting. or in this case the lack of. </s>
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WIBTA if I went against my parents and installed locks on my door
|
context: i'm sixteen, i sleep naked, and i have high functioning autism so this kind of situation isn't something i know how to handle, i don't know if i'm in the right or if my autism is preventing me from seeing it correctly.
it's currently twelve forty five in the morning, about fifteen minutes ago my mom tried to open the door, she couldn't, because i had a wedge under it blocking access. so she proceeded to bang on the door to wake me up to let her in. i woke up, and looked at the time, this isn't the first time she's done this, and i told her i'm not going to be nice anymore, so i told her to fuck off. i'm naked, trying to sleep at one in the morning, all i want is some damn privacy. i've told her to back off repeatedly.
so she proceeded to break down the door, because unfortunately the wedge isn't entirely effective. once she got in, all she did was tell me i'm not allowed to do that before going off to bed.
i have asked multiple times to get a lock for my door, and my parents always say no, and recently i said i would do it anyway, but they said "it's their house, they pay for it" you get the idea. i'm not legally able to leave, and i have no-where else to go, i would rather run off into the australian bush than go to a refuge because i've seen what it's like, and a mentally ill person like me wouldn't last a minute there.
would i be an asshole if i went against their wishes and had a lock installed so i can get a little privacy?
| 151 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dgfqcd/wibta_if_i_went_against_my_parents_and_installed/
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2019-10-11 14:10:40
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nta your mom has same major anger issues if she's breaking down doors to get into a place where someone is sleeping.
the only time i could ever see that being a rational thing to do, is if she perceived you to be in imminent danger
wtf.
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this is a tough one. i would go with you're nta for wanting locks on your door, but you would be the asshole for putting them on. at the end of the day, they're right- it is their home, not yours. however, wanting and needing privacy at 16 is also understandable. i think perhaps because of your mental illness they worry about not being able to reach you should you need it. try sitting them down and talking through your reasoning point by point without getting angry..
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ywbta, it is their house and while you deserve privacy, you also have to respect their rules. you need to earn their trust, and doing this will only escalate the situation. you get a lock, maybe they take off the door. try to work it out with them, this isn’t the way
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esh – i’m hesitating with my judgement because i don’t think you’re an asshole but you’re wrong anyway. unfortunately they are right in that you don’t get to decide to install a lock on your door. that sucks but that’s a prerogative of your parents nonetheless. also even if you did install a lock, they would be able to remove it as easily so your solution isn’t even practical.
but you’re parents are ta too because who barges in the room of their daughter in the middle of the night? wtf?
i feel that you’re leaving out a piece of the story, like you did something once that they want to make sure you will not do again. that would explain why they want to be able to check on you anytime to make sure you don’t do it again.
your only option to find a solution to your problem is to talk it out with them. explain calmly what you feel, how you want some control on your environment, listen their answer and find an acceptable agreement for everyone. if it doesn’t work then you’ll have to suck it up for 2 more years and move out.
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info.
you call it a mental illness, sleep with a knife on your table and admit to being depressed.
>*the only danger is the danger i pose to myself*
bro. no locks. period. privacy and safety are two different things.
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privacy is a good thing, but they clearly want to be able to get into your room if need be. you're the child. it's their house.
they keep breaking down your barriers because you keep putting up barriers.
if you put a lock on the door they will remove the lock if not the door -- that's where this is going. if you were my kid, it'd be off the hinges already.
sit down and say you're sorry you keep barricading it, and you will absolutely stop, if they promise to knock and wait for you to say ok if there's not an emergency. if you show you're not locking it (they'll test it for a while), they'll relax.
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from comments i think she's concerned you might harm yourself and that means ywbta. if your mom is just trying to peek on you at night to make sure you're ok she should be able to.
what if you got a door lock but your mom could unlock it, peek on you, then lock it back? would you feel comfortable enough this way?
normally i'd say just wear pajamas to bed but i get that that's not so easy for someone with autism. maybe a specific material would work?
y'all need to find another solution.
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in my opinion ywnbta for putting locks in your door to get some privacy, but i don’t think you would actually get the results you want and it would escalate this conflict.
info: can your mom articulate why she needs to get in your room at 1 in the morning? if your door had been unblocked what would she have done? is this building off of another conflict?
also where does your dad come down on this? are there other family members, counselors, community members that you could turn to to help you mediate this conflict and come up with a solution that works for both of you?
your desire for privacy is a reasonable one but it is their house and your mom seems willing to go to extremes to enforce her ability to “check in on you”. so while you are living in there house you are going to have to find a way to negotiate and find compromise.
in general are you and your parents happy with the arrangement, and this is one conflict? or are you unhappy in general with living there and just don’t feel there is any alternative?
i don’t know about your area, but where i am in the us i have clients who have qualified for supported transitional living arrangements. they are not perfect but much better than homes because they support independence and are smaller places with less people.
i hope you can talk this out with your mom and figure out a solution.
|
ywbta. it’s their house and it would just make them trust you less.
i don’t know if this is where your mother is coming from, but i check on all my kids before i head to bed (three are teenagers). i often don’t sleep until after midnight so i’ll often check on the kids after midnight. it just makes me feel better knowing they are safe and asleep before i go to sleep (could be because i remember sneaking out at night when i was their age and also because one child in particular has known to be wide awake and reading with a flashlight and needs to be growled at to actually go to sleep or he’s a mess the next day, but mostly i just can’t sleep unless i know the kids are settled).
all i do when i check is poke my head in their room to set eyes on them. i don’t go up to them or go into their room (occasionally i will go in if someone has fallen asleep reading and turn their lamp off and put their book on their bedside table). so if i went to check on my kids, who i thought were sleeping, and found they’d put some sort of barricade to prevent the door opening, i’d be inclined to wake them to move it. mostly because it’s not safe. if there was a fire or something and they were sound asleep then i’d want to be able to access them. it’s the same reason that i don’t lock my own bedroom door at night. i wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing i couldn’t get to my kids if needed.
you might think you’re a light sleeper and are perfectly safe, but parents see danger everywhere. if a fire starts in your house and you don’t wake because the smoke has gotten to you in your sleep then your mother wants to be able to wake you. if there’s a freak storm and the neighbour’s trampoline crashes through your bedroom roof and pins you to the bed, your parents want to get to you. it’s irrational but that’s where a parent’s mind is sometimes. we worry. i wouldn’t mind if my kids barricaded their doors at times during the day (and one of them does) but they all know it’s never to be done at night.
also, i doubt you mean she literally broke down the door. surely you mean she just managed to push it open despite your barricade. if she broke down the door you’d have nothing to install the lock on! if this is the case you’re also ta for exaggerating (but hey you’re 16 so that’s to be expected).
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
|
INFO
| null |
YTA
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NTA
|
YTA
| null | 0.774906 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: context: i'm sixteen, i sleep naked, and i have high functioning autism so this kind of situation isn't something i know how to handle, i don't know if i'm in the right or if my autism is preventing me from seeing it correctly. it's currently twelve forty five in the morning, about fifteen minutes ago my mom tried to open the door, she couldn't, because i had a wedge under it blocking access. so she proceeded to bang on the door to wake me up to let her in. i woke up, and looked at the time, this isn't the first time she's done this, and i told her i'm not going to be nice anymore, so i told her to fuck off. i'm naked, trying to sleep at one in the morning, all i want is some damn privacy. i've told her to back off repeatedly. so she proceeded to break down the door, because unfortunately the wedge isn't entirely effective. once she got in, all she did was tell me i'm not allowed to do that before going off to bed. i have asked multiple times to get a lock for my door, and my parents always say no, and recently i said i would do it anyway, but they said "it's their house, they pay for it" you get the idea. i'm not legally able to leave, and i have no-where else to go, i would rather run off into the australian bush than go to a refuge because i've seen what it's like, and a mentally ill person like me wouldn't last a minute there. would i be an asshole if i went against their wishes and had a lock installed so i can get a little privacy?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
context: i'm sixteen, i sleep naked, and i have high functioning autism so this kind of situation isn't something i know how to handle, i don't know if i'm in the right or if my autism is preventing me from seeing it correctly. it's currently twelve forty five in the morning, about fifteen minutes ago my mom tried to open the door, she couldn't, because i had a wedge under it blocking access. so she proceeded to bang on the door to wake me up to let her in. i woke up, and looked at the time, this isn't the first time she's done this, and i told her i'm not going to be nice anymore, so i told her to fuck off. i'm naked, trying to sleep at one in the morning, all i want is some damn privacy. i've told her to back off repeatedly. so she proceeded to break down the door, because unfortunately the wedge isn't entirely effective. once she got in, all she did was tell me i'm not allowed to do that before going off to bed. i have asked multiple times to get a lock for my door, and my parents always say no, and recently i said i would do it anyway, but they said "it's their house, they pay for it" you get the idea. i'm not legally able to leave, and i have no-where else to go, i would rather run off into the australian bush than go to a refuge because i've seen what it's like, and a mentally ill person like me wouldn't last a minute there. would i be an asshole if i went against their wishes and had a lock installed so i can get a little privacy? [/INST] nta your mom has same major anger issues if she's breaking down doors to get into a place where someone is sleeping. the only time i could ever see that being a rational thing to do, is if she perceived you to be in imminent danger wtf. </s>
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AITA for accidentally exposing my friend as not really “ghetto?”
|
since we started college, my (18m) best friend (18m), who is black, has been telling everyone he’s “from the hood” and speaking with what he calls “the ghetto accent.” because he says that “girls love a thug,” so he brags about all the “things he’s stolen” and all this nonsense.
in reality, him and i went to one of the best private schools in nyc, and his dad is ceo. his mom is a lawyer. he has a trust fund, and no one at our school or in his whole family has “a ghetto accent” as he calls it. he literally watched a youtube video to practice it.
but it doesn’t affect me if he wants to pretend while we’re in college, so i just go along with it because whatever. but i accidentally exposed him. someone we know asked my christmas plans, and i said i’m spending the first two weeks with my friend at his house in italy. they thought it was weird for a “hood guy” to have multiple homes, so they looked up his last name, which revealed the net worth of his parents.
my friend is pissed off at me, saying i did it on purpose because i’m jealous of his game and how many girls want to hook up with him.
| 1,565 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rkfbk8/aita_for_accidentally_exposing_my_friend_as_not/
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2021-12-20 05:09:52
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nta dude wants to act like an idiot, let him be exposed as an idiot. and if a simple google search undid his lies then it would have happened anyways.
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if his sole purpose is to get girls i would tell him to lead with the trust fund and house in italy.
nta
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nta. his cover would've been blown sooner or later, especially if he met someone who actually grew up in an environment of poverty and crime (which could've easily escalated to violence).
better for him and everyone else that he stops faking it. if he keeps at it and is asked to prove it, he might end up doing something really stupid and jeopordizing his future (getting arrested and charged for example, not great for college or future job seeking, might even impact his family's livelihood).
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nta and it’s weird he thinks he needs to be “hood” to get girls
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nta, your friend sounds like a tool. not cool to use a “blaccent” if you’re not actually from the hood. also kind of racist of him to exploit harmful stereotypes about his own race to seem “cooler”. clearly highly privileged and super oblivious/ignorant
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nta. your friends a poser.
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nta. lol this guy was leading a double life and he got mad that you let it slip on accident. man’s got insecurity issues.
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nta but this is actually crazy. your friend is a poser and he needs to hang around regular and non rich black people more often so that they can tell him off in a way that is grounding. this is very insulting and pathetic. (this is not a dig at you)
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nta i'm amazed no one figured it out already, people who grow up rich have a lot of tells. if all he did was practice an accent, probably some people already know.
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nta this is hilarious
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: since we started college, my (18m) best friend (18m), who is black, has been telling everyone he’s “from the hood” and speaking with what he calls “the ghetto accent.” because he says that “girls love a thug,” so he brags about all the “things he’s stolen” and all this nonsense. in reality, him and i went to one of the best private schools in nyc, and his dad is ceo. his mom is a lawyer. he has a trust fund, and no one at our school or in his whole family has “a ghetto accent” as he calls it. he literally watched a youtube video to practice it. but it doesn’t affect me if he wants to pretend while we’re in college, so i just go along with it because whatever. but i accidentally exposed him. someone we know asked my christmas plans, and i said i’m spending the first two weeks with my friend at his house in italy. they thought it was weird for a “hood guy” to have multiple homes, so they looked up his last name, which revealed the net worth of his parents. my friend is pissed off at me, saying i did it on purpose because i’m jealous of his game and how many girls want to hook up with him.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
since we started college, my (18m) best friend (18m), who is black, has been telling everyone he’s “from the hood” and speaking with what he calls “the ghetto accent.” because he says that “girls love a thug,” so he brags about all the “things he’s stolen” and all this nonsense. in reality, him and i went to one of the best private schools in nyc, and his dad is ceo. his mom is a lawyer. he has a trust fund, and no one at our school or in his whole family has “a ghetto accent” as he calls it. he literally watched a youtube video to practice it. but it doesn’t affect me if he wants to pretend while we’re in college, so i just go along with it because whatever. but i accidentally exposed him. someone we know asked my christmas plans, and i said i’m spending the first two weeks with my friend at his house in italy. they thought it was weird for a “hood guy” to have multiple homes, so they looked up his last name, which revealed the net worth of his parents. my friend is pissed off at me, saying i did it on purpose because i’m jealous of his game and how many girls want to hook up with him. [/INST] nta dude wants to act like an idiot, let him be exposed as an idiot. and if a simple google search undid his lies then it would have happened anyways. </s>
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