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AITA for telling my brothers girlfriend who i "bullied" to get over herself?
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last week my (15f) brother (17m) began dating this girl jamie (15f) whos in my year. me and jamie were never friends, however when she first came about 3 yeara ago, the people i was friends with back then used to "bully" her. by "bullying", i mean they'd sometimes make fun of her clothes, and because she used to smell really bad they'd hold their noses whenever they passed her- just typical immature behaviour. i never really took part in it, and i don't think what my ex-friends did was okay at all.
anyway yesterday my brother brought jamie to our house for dinner, and she looked really uncomfortable when she saw me and hardly spoke to me. it was annoying, i'll admit, but i didn't say anything and just went to my room until it was time to eat. during dinner, she didnt speak much, and kept excusing herself to go to the bathroom. my brother said he didnt know what was up with her, and my parents said she was probably just nervous. after she hadnt come down in a while, i offered to go check up on her. when i saw her, she was just standing near the bathroom, crying. i asked what was up, and she told me to fuck off and stop trying to be nice. that annoyed me and i told her she had some nerve telling me to fuck off in my own house. i guess that really triggered something because she began screaming at me that i had no right to start being nice to her all of a sudden, when i was cruel to her back then. i told her to get over herself because it happened three years ago, and if she was serious about my brother she shouldn't speak to me like that. she ended up leaving and my brother was devastated. after i told my parents and brother what had happened, my mum told me i was behaving really cruel and i shouldve apologised, and my brother says the same. my dad says she should just get over it because we were all young back then, and i didnt really take part in it anyway.
aita?
just a quick
| 2,134 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/thunvg/aita_for_telling_my_brothers_girlfriend_who_i/
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2022-03-19 12:57:46
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yta and still a bully.
just apologize to her already.
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you can drop the quotation marks. you bullied her and you are still a bully.
yta and so is your father for trying to excuse your behaviour.
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>me and jamie were never friends, however when she first came about 3 yeara ago, the people i was friends with back then used to "bully" her.
maybe i'm reading too much into this but those quotation marks are sus.
>by "bullying", i mean they'd sometimes make fun of her clothes, and because she used to smell really bad they'd hold their noses whenever they passed her- just typical immature behaviour.
that's a fairly standard definition of bullying. it sounds like you were a bully. it's weird that you're normalizing it.
>anyway yesterday my brother brought jamie to our house for dinner, and she looked really uncomfortable when she saw me and hardly spoke to me. it was annoying,
sorry seeing a former bully was traumatizing for her. that must have been so inconvenient for you /s
>i told her to get over herself because it happened three years ago, and if she was serious about my brother she shouldn't speak to me like that.
so you admitted to her that you bullied her three years ago, and if she didn't magically get over it you were going to sabotage her relationship. so you're still a bully. i see in the past three years you haven't matured at all.
yta.
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yta. consequences of bullying do not suddenly vanish because it happended three years ago and you "were all young back then". obviously she associates you with the bullying (being a bystander and simply watching the bullying without intervening doesn't make you innocent either) so maby show a little empathy and don't snap at her being distraught.
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the axe forgets, but the tree remembers. yta. you need to own up to your mistakes. it will make you a better adult.
there are two types of bad people: people who do bad things, and people who see people doing bad things and stand by/watch.
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yta. "just get over it" wow, have you ever heard of trauma?
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yta, then and now now. you’re young so hopefully you’ll grow as a person and realize actions have consequences. mental trauma affects people worse than physical trauma which is what you caused without any concern for another person’s feelings. who knows what was the reason behind the odor. it could have been something beyond her control. instead of helping or at least politely ignoring you decided to bully her to make yourself seem better…
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yta.putting bully in quotation marks was bs. your friends (and likely you) bullied her then. and you bullied her now. real nasty mean girl behavior
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oh, her not talking to you because you were a bully is annoying? get over yourself yta
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yta
just apologize.
"in your own house"
people who say this are self righteous and insolent. you don't get to control others speech ever.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: last week my (15f) brother (17m) began dating this girl jamie (15f) whos in my year. me and jamie were never friends, however when she first came about 3 yeara ago, the people i was friends with back then used to "bully" her. by "bullying", i mean they'd sometimes make fun of her clothes, and because she used to smell really bad they'd hold their noses whenever they passed her- just typical immature behaviour. i never really took part in it, and i don't think what my ex-friends did was okay at all. anyway yesterday my brother brought jamie to our house for dinner, and she looked really uncomfortable when she saw me and hardly spoke to me. it was annoying, i'll admit, but i didn't say anything and just went to my room until it was time to eat. during dinner, she didnt speak much, and kept excusing herself to go to the bathroom. my brother said he didnt know what was up with her, and my parents said she was probably just nervous. after she hadnt come down in a while, i offered to go check up on her. when i saw her, she was just standing near the bathroom, crying. i asked what was up, and she told me to fuck off and stop trying to be nice. that annoyed me and i told her she had some nerve telling me to fuck off in my own house. i guess that really triggered something because she began screaming at me that i had no right to start being nice to her all of a sudden, when i was cruel to her back then. i told her to get over herself because it happened three years ago, and if she was serious about my brother she shouldn't speak to me like that. she ended up leaving and my brother was devastated. after i told my parents and brother what had happened, my mum told me i was behaving really cruel and i shouldve apologised, and my brother says the same. my dad says she should just get over it because we were all young back then, and i didnt really take part in it anyway. aita? just a quick
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
last week my (15f) brother (17m) began dating this girl jamie (15f) whos in my year. me and jamie were never friends, however when she first came about 3 yeara ago, the people i was friends with back then used to "bully" her. by "bullying", i mean they'd sometimes make fun of her clothes, and because she used to smell really bad they'd hold their noses whenever they passed her- just typical immature behaviour. i never really took part in it, and i don't think what my ex-friends did was okay at all. anyway yesterday my brother brought jamie to our house for dinner, and she looked really uncomfortable when she saw me and hardly spoke to me. it was annoying, i'll admit, but i didn't say anything and just went to my room until it was time to eat. during dinner, she didnt speak much, and kept excusing herself to go to the bathroom. my brother said he didnt know what was up with her, and my parents said she was probably just nervous. after she hadnt come down in a while, i offered to go check up on her. when i saw her, she was just standing near the bathroom, crying. i asked what was up, and she told me to fuck off and stop trying to be nice. that annoyed me and i told her she had some nerve telling me to fuck off in my own house. i guess that really triggered something because she began screaming at me that i had no right to start being nice to her all of a sudden, when i was cruel to her back then. i told her to get over herself because it happened three years ago, and if she was serious about my brother she shouldn't speak to me like that. she ended up leaving and my brother was devastated. after i told my parents and brother what had happened, my mum told me i was behaving really cruel and i shouldve apologised, and my brother says the same. my dad says she should just get over it because we were all young back then, and i didnt really take part in it anyway. aita? just a quick [/INST] yta and still a bully. just apologize to her already. </s>
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AITA for leaving a child unattended while at work?
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i (22f) work at a grocery store as a self checkout attendant. while attending i have to keep my area cleaned and well stocked with bags, which means wiping down the machines and taking back hand baskets that customers leave behind. i have to stay on top of cleaning my area because my supervisors are usually roaming about the store and i can't be caught with a messy area. sometimes customers will leave their buggies behind and go to their car to get their card or cash. one lady came in trying to use apple pay and i told her we don't accept apple pay. she then said she had to go to her car and get her card. when she left she left her buggy with a child in it that looked no older than 1. at first i was looking after her child but then i noticed some hand baskets and decided to put them away (takes about 10 seconds so i wasn't gone long). she was gone for about 3 minutes and while she was away i was making sure my area was clean, putting away hand baskets. when she came back i wasn't there with her child but i wasn't too far behind her. when she noticed me she started reprimanding me for leaving her child unattended. i apologized but told her i had a job to do and i couldn't stay and watch her child while doing my job. she said as an employee of <unnamed store> it's part of my job to make sure customers are safe and that includes her child. i didn't know she even wanted to watch her child while she was away, but i responded with saying it's not part of my job to babysit children. she got mad and demanded to speak to a manager because she felt i was being rude. i called one of supervisors over to let her rant about my "rudeness" and was told not to worry about it when she left. aita for leaving the child unattended?
| 1,444 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tgmfwd/aita_for_leaving_a_child_unattended_while_at_work/
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2022-03-17 22:42:49
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nta she left her child unattended not you.
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nta. i had your job for like ten years— i actually used to tell customers to take their kid with them because otherwise it’s a liability issue. your boss knows what’s up, don’t worry about it. as a grocery retail employee you know how dumb and self-righteous people can be.
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um, nta.
she left her child unattended, not you. you're not a daycare or a babysitter. she didn't even think twice about walking away from her child and leaving it with a complete stranger. if you wanted tbtah, you could have called the police on her for leaving her baby in a store.
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nta. not your kid, not your problem
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nta. i'm a parent and i wouldn't ever do this. your job is working in a store and everything that is entailed in that. mine is making sure my child is safe. i don't do your job, you don't do mine.
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nta. honestly, that mother was neglectful and irresponsible. you should talk to your manager about this in the future. you are not a babysitter, and it's not your job to watch over strangers' children. the next time this happens, go to the intercom and announce that there is a lost child or call the police.
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nta
i wouldn’t have left the child personally. but it’s not your job to look after her child.
she didn’t explicitly ask you to look after the child and you explicitly didn’t tel her that if she left, she would be leaving her child unsupervised as you are not qualified to do so.
learning for the future maybe? but nta
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nta. in some places she would face charges for this. it is not your job, nor a part of it, nor should it be.
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it's not your job to watch her child. but guess who's job it is? hers. nta
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esh. she shouldn't have left her child without her in the store. that's something you just don't do. but when you knew that child was unattended you should have immediately called for your supervisor if possible and waited for her to come back. it only takes your back turned for a few seconds for someone to snatch a baby out of a cart and i can't believe how irresponsible that mother was. at that moment the baby's safety was more important than putting baskets away. had your supervisor walked by all you'd need to say is some lady left her baby unattended and you couldn't leave a baby by itself and your supervisor would have understood.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.010125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (22f) work at a grocery store as a self checkout attendant. while attending i have to keep my area cleaned and well stocked with bags, which means wiping down the machines and taking back hand baskets that customers leave behind. i have to stay on top of cleaning my area because my supervisors are usually roaming about the store and i can't be caught with a messy area. sometimes customers will leave their buggies behind and go to their car to get their card or cash. one lady came in trying to use apple pay and i told her we don't accept apple pay. she then said she had to go to her car and get her card. when she left she left her buggy with a child in it that looked no older than 1. at first i was looking after her child but then i noticed some hand baskets and decided to put them away (takes about 10 seconds so i wasn't gone long). she was gone for about 3 minutes and while she was away i was making sure my area was clean, putting away hand baskets. when she came back i wasn't there with her child but i wasn't too far behind her. when she noticed me she started reprimanding me for leaving her child unattended. i apologized but told her i had a job to do and i couldn't stay and watch her child while doing my job. she said as an employee of <unnamed store> it's part of my job to make sure customers are safe and that includes her child. i didn't know she even wanted to watch her child while she was away, but i responded with saying it's not part of my job to babysit children. she got mad and demanded to speak to a manager because she felt i was being rude. i called one of supervisors over to let her rant about my "rudeness" and was told not to worry about it when she left. aita for leaving the child unattended?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (22f) work at a grocery store as a self checkout attendant. while attending i have to keep my area cleaned and well stocked with bags, which means wiping down the machines and taking back hand baskets that customers leave behind. i have to stay on top of cleaning my area because my supervisors are usually roaming about the store and i can't be caught with a messy area. sometimes customers will leave their buggies behind and go to their car to get their card or cash. one lady came in trying to use apple pay and i told her we don't accept apple pay. she then said she had to go to her car and get her card. when she left she left her buggy with a child in it that looked no older than 1. at first i was looking after her child but then i noticed some hand baskets and decided to put them away (takes about 10 seconds so i wasn't gone long). she was gone for about 3 minutes and while she was away i was making sure my area was clean, putting away hand baskets. when she came back i wasn't there with her child but i wasn't too far behind her. when she noticed me she started reprimanding me for leaving her child unattended. i apologized but told her i had a job to do and i couldn't stay and watch her child while doing my job. she said as an employee of <unnamed store> it's part of my job to make sure customers are safe and that includes her child. i didn't know she even wanted to watch her child while she was away, but i responded with saying it's not part of my job to babysit children. she got mad and demanded to speak to a manager because she felt i was being rude. i called one of supervisors over to let her rant about my "rudeness" and was told not to worry about it when she left. aita for leaving the child unattended? [/INST] nta she left her child unattended not you. </s>
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AITA for expecting to go on a family vacation?
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as a heads-up — this has not yet happened (the trip isn’t until later this year), but i wanted to check in here to get the read on the situation nonetheless as it has recently been a topic of discussion.
my family (54m, 52m, 20m, 20m, 16m) and i (23m) have planned an international vacation. we’re all fully vaccinated, and haven’t gone out of the country in years, so my dad set up a trip around christmas-time during my brothers’ respective winter breaks.
all was well until i lost my global entry membership due to them finding an arrest record of mine that the state government expunged over a year ago. additionally, i missed the appeal window (i didn’t realize it existed). i’ve since applied for reinstatement, a process that the website quotes as taking several months.
that situation irks my father (54m). today, in particular, he’s threatened to leave me behind while the rest of our family goes on vacation. it could very well be an empty threat (he makes a number of those), but he’s made further comments (listed below) that make me think it’s not so unlikely
1. “show some real effort and stop blaming the government” (response to my saying i applied after giving the customer service rep an earful about the appeal window and that i doubt the government cares enough about my travel plans to expedite their processes)
2. “show me how you made an appointment, met with a global entry person at [our major airport]. spent an hour or two on the phone trying to track down the person who can rectify this for you. then, i’ll have compassion. until then, get to work.”
i think he’s salty about my slowing everything down as the one member of the family without global entry. i’m actually offended -- he’s willing to lose a week of time with me and deprive me of that with our family just because of it. i’ve told him just as much.
note: request any info you may need. i’ll respond relatively quickly.
| 442 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pgtqzx/aita_for_expecting_to_go_on_a_family_vacation/
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2021-09-02 23:57:13
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nta. global entry is nice and all but not *that* nice.
is your dad really that upset about you having to go through the slower line? or is he upset about the arrest and projecting his feelings?
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nta and i bet you every single person who said y t a didn’t understand that the only impact of not having global entry is waiting in customs for a little longer
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info: i don’t really see why your global entry status is a major factor in this trip. as long as you have a valid passport, you can still travel. it’s just a slightly longer line at immigration (and the advantage of a shorter line was mostly nullified by covid anyway)
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why did you give a customer service rep "an earful" about a process he or she has absolutely no control over. that's rude. it's not anyone else's fault but you own that you didn't educate yourself about the "global entry" process.
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nta. global entry is not a requirement to travel
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what is global entry
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nta. your dad is a little controlling.
also i think you need to explain global entry to everyone more because i think the majority of the yta are assuming you can't leave the country.
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nta. the govt is responsible for the screw up not him. his arrest was for a misdemeanor you all are acting like he fucking killed someone.
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global entry only really saves you about 5-15 minutes on average at best.
i have traveled between europe (greece, romania, germany, france, & uk) and the states extensively over the past 6 years (around 23 round trips) and without ge, my average customs time is literally minutes, at least at dfw, jfk, & atl.
in all of my trips, i have yet to beat my luggage to baggage claim, so no bs, your father’s concerns are not valid.
this is literally a non-issue.
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nta. it's understandable that you dad wants to see some action around getting this rectified, but him treating you like a child is not going to cut through any red tape.
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.007141 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: as a heads-up — this has not yet happened (the trip isn’t until later this year), but i wanted to check in here to get the read on the situation nonetheless as it has recently been a topic of discussion. my family (54m, 52m, 20m, 20m, 16m) and i (23m) have planned an international vacation. we’re all fully vaccinated, and haven’t gone out of the country in years, so my dad set up a trip around christmas-time during my brothers’ respective winter breaks. all was well until i lost my global entry membership due to them finding an arrest record of mine that the state government expunged over a year ago. additionally, i missed the appeal window (i didn’t realize it existed). i’ve since applied for reinstatement, a process that the website quotes as taking several months. that situation irks my father (54m). today, in particular, he’s threatened to leave me behind while the rest of our family goes on vacation. it could very well be an empty threat (he makes a number of those), but he’s made further comments (listed below) that make me think it’s not so unlikely 1. “show some real effort and stop blaming the government” (response to my saying i applied after giving the customer service rep an earful about the appeal window and that i doubt the government cares enough about my travel plans to expedite their processes) 2. “show me how you made an appointment, met with a global entry person at [our major airport]. spent an hour or two on the phone trying to track down the person who can rectify this for you. then, i’ll have compassion. until then, get to work.” i think he’s salty about my slowing everything down as the one member of the family without global entry. i’m actually offended -- he’s willing to lose a week of time with me and deprive me of that with our family just because of it. i’ve told him just as much. note: request any info you may need. i’ll respond relatively quickly.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
as a heads-up — this has not yet happened (the trip isn’t until later this year), but i wanted to check in here to get the read on the situation nonetheless as it has recently been a topic of discussion. my family (54m, 52m, 20m, 20m, 16m) and i (23m) have planned an international vacation. we’re all fully vaccinated, and haven’t gone out of the country in years, so my dad set up a trip around christmas-time during my brothers’ respective winter breaks. all was well until i lost my global entry membership due to them finding an arrest record of mine that the state government expunged over a year ago. additionally, i missed the appeal window (i didn’t realize it existed). i’ve since applied for reinstatement, a process that the website quotes as taking several months. that situation irks my father (54m). today, in particular, he’s threatened to leave me behind while the rest of our family goes on vacation. it could very well be an empty threat (he makes a number of those), but he’s made further comments (listed below) that make me think it’s not so unlikely 1. “show some real effort and stop blaming the government” (response to my saying i applied after giving the customer service rep an earful about the appeal window and that i doubt the government cares enough about my travel plans to expedite their processes) 2. “show me how you made an appointment, met with a global entry person at [our major airport]. spent an hour or two on the phone trying to track down the person who can rectify this for you. then, i’ll have compassion. until then, get to work.” i think he’s salty about my slowing everything down as the one member of the family without global entry. i’m actually offended -- he’s willing to lose a week of time with me and deprive me of that with our family just because of it. i’ve told him just as much. note: request any info you may need. i’ll respond relatively quickly. [/INST] nta. global entry is nice and all but not *that* nice. is your dad really that upset about you having to go through the slower line? or is he upset about the arrest and projecting his feelings? </s>
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AITA for refusing to eat the dish my bf's mom cooked specifically for me?
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i (f23) recently got invited for dinner with my bf's (m24) parents whom i haven't met before.
i'm mostly vegan - *mostly* bc i'm not eating 100% vegan yet. for example, when i was on vacation with friends, i ate what everyone else had bc the kitchen was too small to cook my own food while they were preparing theirs. with my bf, me being vegan is no issue.
i reminded him to please tell his parents and ask them to prepare some vegan foods (i'm not expecting them to cook a full vegan meal just for me - i would have been fine with only eating some of theirs). he assured me his parents knew.
when we get there. everything's fine until his mom tells me that she prepared food just for me. she seemed super excited to hand me thedish. everyone else had potatoes with various side options while my dish was casserole. i'm not sure what exactly was in it but it was definitely not vegan and i was confused why she made it specifically for me and assumed it was a misunderstanding.
but no, she told me it was her signature dish and no, it wasn't vegan and yes, she knew it didn't align with my diet but i should give it a try since it would be so much better than whatever else i could have. i was irritated that she went out of her way to cook something she knew i didn't want to eat, so i told her that i appreciated her effort but that i wasn't going to eat it but i'd be happy to just have some plain potatoes. that's when she got mad and defensive and called me ungrateful that i wouldn't even try it. i kept politely telling her that i didn't want to eat the non-vegan dish. no one else said anything. i could see my bf being embarrassed, but eventually we agreed i'd have potatoes and salad and though the rest of the evening was awkward, it was okay.
on our way back, i was still confused by the entire thing and asked my bf about it but he accused me of causing a scene. he agreed it was stupid his mom made the casserole but said that since i still eat non-vegan food occassionally, i should not have made it awkward. i probably would have eaten it if this had been a misunderstanding or if she had accidentally served something not entirely vegan, but i found her serving me the dish disrespectful and it was a matter of principle for me. i told him that if i had given in , she would assume that i'm always okay with not eating vegan and it would just be harder to stand firm later. i reminded him that i don't expect her to bend over backwards to accommodate me, i just want her to respect my diet.
we ended up fighting the entire ride back, and my friend later aid that she didn't get the big deal since she's seen me eat non-vegan food before and that i would have liked the dish so i should have just eaten it to save his mom the embarrassment and not sour my relationship with her.
| 307 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vmlnwv/aita_for_refusing_to_eat_the_dish_my_bfs_mom/
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2022-06-28 12:05:34
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nta
1. no is a complete sentence, and food is a personal boundary
2. you are on route to complete veganism, and from the sound of it, your non-vegan moments are tied to logistiscs (small kitchen for many people) and things that cannot be help, like a misunderstanding.
3. you correctly deduced that had you eaten the food, your bf's mom would have been less likely to respect your veganism once it is a complete thing, because she met you in your transition period and took it for "vegan-curious" or something.
4. you also made the correct differentiation between blatant disregard for your food choice and a misunderstanding or an honest mistake.
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nta. making a dish especially for you that she knew wasn’t in line with your preferences was a power play. it was her opening gambit. now you know what you’re up against. and so does she.
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nta. she made vegan food (potatoes and salad) that she served to everyone else but specifically made a non-vegan dish for you, the vegan person? and your boyfriend accused you of causing a scene?
you got set up here. the only thing i’m not clear about is who orchestrated it—the mom or the boyfriend.
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nta. anyone a regular reader of r/justnomil know this was a total power play on her part. she disrespected you, your dietary choices, and has driven a wedge in your relationship. it’s all by design. sorry your boyfriend didn’t have your back even after admitting she was shitty for doing that.
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nta. she knew and ignored it. what’s she mad about? next she’ll serve an allergic person peanuts and get mad when they refuse? come on…
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nta,
she’s playing games.
well done for not joining in.
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nta
if the casserole was so much better why was only op served with it?
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nta. people are being dicks about your diet but your dietary choices are yours. you've said your only exceptions are when it isn't reasonable for you to be vegan, when you're sharing close space with others. that seems reasonable to me. if you want to eat vegan as much as you can, communicated that you wanted something vegan in advance, and when offered the dish suggested just having some potato so you wouldn't make a fuss by asking for extra food to be made... she's ta. you don't mess with people's diets. i'm just glad you were aware and didn't eat it without knowing, because people have done that to my sister before and it made her very sick.
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nta. she knew ahead of time. you said 'no' gracefully with good manners. set your bar now. she was the one who escalated and made this a public ugly scene.
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nta but it is a problem that your bf clearly doesn’t respect your beliefs and is willing to side with his mother over you. his mom was rude. it’s a red flag.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f23) recently got invited for dinner with my bf's (m24) parents whom i haven't met before. i'm mostly vegan - *mostly* bc i'm not eating 100% vegan yet. for example, when i was on vacation with friends, i ate what everyone else had bc the kitchen was too small to cook my own food while they were preparing theirs. with my bf, me being vegan is no issue. i reminded him to please tell his parents and ask them to prepare some vegan foods (i'm not expecting them to cook a full vegan meal just for me - i would have been fine with only eating some of theirs). he assured me his parents knew. when we get there. everything's fine until his mom tells me that she prepared food just for me. she seemed super excited to hand me thedish. everyone else had potatoes with various side options while my dish was casserole. i'm not sure what exactly was in it but it was definitely not vegan and i was confused why she made it specifically for me and assumed it was a misunderstanding. but no, she told me it was her signature dish and no, it wasn't vegan and yes, she knew it didn't align with my diet but i should give it a try since it would be so much better than whatever else i could have. i was irritated that she went out of her way to cook something she knew i didn't want to eat, so i told her that i appreciated her effort but that i wasn't going to eat it but i'd be happy to just have some plain potatoes. that's when she got mad and defensive and called me ungrateful that i wouldn't even try it. i kept politely telling her that i didn't want to eat the non-vegan dish. no one else said anything. i could see my bf being embarrassed, but eventually we agreed i'd have potatoes and salad and though the rest of the evening was awkward, it was okay. on our way back, i was still confused by the entire thing and asked my bf about it but he accused me of causing a scene. he agreed it was stupid his mom made the casserole but said that since i still eat non-vegan food occassionally, i should not have made it awkward. i probably would have eaten it if this had been a misunderstanding or if she had accidentally served something not entirely vegan, but i found her serving me the dish disrespectful and it was a matter of principle for me. i told him that if i had given in , she would assume that i'm always okay with not eating vegan and it would just be harder to stand firm later. i reminded him that i don't expect her to bend over backwards to accommodate me, i just want her to respect my diet. we ended up fighting the entire ride back, and my friend later aid that she didn't get the big deal since she's seen me eat non-vegan food before and that i would have liked the dish so i should have just eaten it to save his mom the embarrassment and not sour my relationship with her.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (f23) recently got invited for dinner with my bf's (m24) parents whom i haven't met before. i'm mostly vegan - *mostly* bc i'm not eating 100% vegan yet. for example, when i was on vacation with friends, i ate what everyone else had bc the kitchen was too small to cook my own food while they were preparing theirs. with my bf, me being vegan is no issue. i reminded him to please tell his parents and ask them to prepare some vegan foods (i'm not expecting them to cook a full vegan meal just for me - i would have been fine with only eating some of theirs). he assured me his parents knew. when we get there. everything's fine until his mom tells me that she prepared food just for me. she seemed super excited to hand me thedish. everyone else had potatoes with various side options while my dish was casserole. i'm not sure what exactly was in it but it was definitely not vegan and i was confused why she made it specifically for me and assumed it was a misunderstanding. but no, she told me it was her signature dish and no, it wasn't vegan and yes, she knew it didn't align with my diet but i should give it a try since it would be so much better than whatever else i could have. i was irritated that she went out of her way to cook something she knew i didn't want to eat, so i told her that i appreciated her effort but that i wasn't going to eat it but i'd be happy to just have some plain potatoes. that's when she got mad and defensive and called me ungrateful that i wouldn't even try it. i kept politely telling her that i didn't want to eat the non-vegan dish. no one else said anything. i could see my bf being embarrassed, but eventually we agreed i'd have potatoes and salad and though the rest of the evening was awkward, it was okay. on our way back, i was still confused by the entire thing and asked my bf about it but he accused me of causing a scene. he agreed it was stupid his mom made the casserole but said that since i still eat non-vegan food occassionally, i should not have made it awkward. i probably would have eaten it if this had been a misunderstanding or if she had accidentally served something not entirely vegan, but i found her serving me the dish disrespectful and it was a matter of principle for me. i told him that if i had given in , she would assume that i'm always okay with not eating vegan and it would just be harder to stand firm later. i reminded him that i don't expect her to bend over backwards to accommodate me, i just want her to respect my diet. we ended up fighting the entire ride back, and my friend later aid that she didn't get the big deal since she's seen me eat non-vegan food before and that i would have liked the dish so i should have just eaten it to save his mom the embarrassment and not sour my relationship with her. [/INST] nta 1. no is a complete sentence, and food is a personal boundary 2. you are on route to complete veganism, and from the sound of it, your non-vegan moments are tied to logistiscs (small kitchen for many people) and things that cannot be help, like a misunderstanding. 3. you correctly deduced that had you eaten the food, your bf's mom would have been less likely to respect your veganism once it is a complete thing, because she met you in your transition period and took it for "vegan-curious" or something. 4. you also made the correct differentiation between blatant disregard for your food choice and a misunderstanding or an honest mistake. </s>
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AITA for having a family removed from a private lake neighborhood?
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i live in a private neighborhood built around a lake. essentially, the lake is in the middle and a road runs in a circle around it with houses on the road. everyone who buys a house here pays an hoa fee to help take care of the neighborhood. fixing docks, stocking the lake with fish, clubhouse maintenance, etc. not a big body of water, about 1.5 miles around. there are lots of signs, including a big one right when you drive in, saying that the neighborhood is private for members and guests only.
in the past month, all homeowners have gotten letters from the hoa saying to be on the lookout for people who don't living coming to fish since a lot of public parks have been closed. if we see someone who doesn't live here and doesn't have lake tags signifying that they are a guest, we should tell them to leave or call the maintenance guy who will handle it. you can see where this is going.
a week ago i leave my house and see a pickup pulled up to the dock in front on my house. there is a guy (dad) and his two small kids there fishing. i have never seen them before, so i go up to them and strike up a conversation. i ask where they live and they say that they don't live here but heard about the lake from one of their friends who also doesn't live there. we talk for a few more minutes and i tell the dad (whispering so the kids don't hear) that this is a private neighborhood and that they technically aren't allowed to fish here if they aren't a member or guest. i then say that they must not have known that and tell them to finish fishing for a day. i even offered to give them lake tags if anyone else hasseles them about being there. the guy thanks me, says he didn't know, and continues fishing the next few hours that i could tell after i went back inside.
two days later, i am going for a walk around the lake and i see the same family fishing at another dock (not in front of my house). i ask the dad if he has tags and he says he doesn't, but that his kids want to fish and they aren't hurting anyone. i say i understand that, but the people that live here pay for the lake, the docks, and the fish in it and it isn't for just anyone to come here and use. we get into it and i tell him to leave. he refuses, calmly, and i tell him that our maintenance guy will be here in 10 minutes and he better find some tags in that time period or else he's getting dragged out. i get back to my house, call the maintenance guy, and i see the maintenance guy drive up to them from my window and presumably tell them to leave which they do.
am i the asshole here? on one hand, it is private property and i let them stay and finish the first day when i could have easily kicked them out. on the other hand, they weren't hurting anyone.
if more information is needed, i will edit this post to include it.
| 2,340 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g3x29q/aita_for_having_a_family_removed_from_a_private/
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2020-04-18 23:09:29
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nta. you gave him a break the first time and he came back
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nta. i’ve never understood “we’re not hurting anyone” as a defense. they could hurt something five minutes later—snap the end off a piece of the dock, drop a soda can in the water, hit something with the truck on the way out—so “hurting anyone” isn’t usually something you expect to do until it’s done. it’s a manmade lake so they’re taking your fish, there’s the liability concern, and also you pay money to live on a private lake specifically so you can avoid having strangers traipsing in and out.
disney’s closed right now. can i just jump the fence with my husband and kids and make a day of it? we wouldn’t be hurting anyone.
if someone said that to me i’d be tempted to tell them that they sure as fuck aren’t *helping* anyone.
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used to work at a lake and i guess i was the “maintenance guy” in this story. i hated having to kick “visiting” people off the lake. i felt like a natural god made thing like a lake shouldn’t be owned by anyone. i always felt shitty about it.
however, homeowners control access points, pay for stocking, take care of docks. they are within their rights to police it.
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nta, the guy broke the law by trespassing, you told him what was what, he refused to leave. he’s lucky someone wasn’t inclined to call the police
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nta, i think you were generous to let them stay the first time but he knew he was breaking the rules and came back anyway.
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nta but for a different reason. this is a man-made, stocked lake, and you say your hoa dues go towards stocking the lake. you didn't mention if the family was practicing catch-and-release, but regardless, this would be akin to hunting on someone's posted land.
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nta- they knew better. you warned them, you even helped them the first time.
they are not special and should follow the rules. it isn't their lake.
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nta, you were reasonable and they took advantage the next day.
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i used to live in a private lake community and there are a few things to consider here.
for one thing, maintenance and upkeep are costly and these strangers have no stake in maintaining the community. you can't be sure they aren't hurting anything, and they are essentially stealing assets that are paid for by the hoa members. they shouldn't be there.
another consideration is liability. what if this guy or one of his kids gets injured while they are there. they could sue the hoa, meaning they would be suing you and your neighbors since the hoa funds are comprised of the dues that you all pay. is that really worth the risk?
also, lakes have a very delicate ecology. in my old community we had such rules in place to prevent outsiders from bringing in boats and other water equipment that might have been used in other lakes. if not cleaned properly they could introduce bacteria or invasive plant species that could seriously impact the health of your lake and the species living in it.
and aside from all of that, private property is private property. they read the signs and decided to ignore them. that's just entitled behavior that shouldn't be rewarded.
nta.
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nta.
you went above and beyond and some people just want to take.
it's not public property. you're never the asshole for enforcing trespassing after a fair warning.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i live in a private neighborhood built around a lake. essentially, the lake is in the middle and a road runs in a circle around it with houses on the road. everyone who buys a house here pays an hoa fee to help take care of the neighborhood. fixing docks, stocking the lake with fish, clubhouse maintenance, etc. not a big body of water, about 1.5 miles around. there are lots of signs, including a big one right when you drive in, saying that the neighborhood is private for members and guests only. in the past month, all homeowners have gotten letters from the hoa saying to be on the lookout for people who don't living coming to fish since a lot of public parks have been closed. if we see someone who doesn't live here and doesn't have lake tags signifying that they are a guest, we should tell them to leave or call the maintenance guy who will handle it. you can see where this is going. a week ago i leave my house and see a pickup pulled up to the dock in front on my house. there is a guy (dad) and his two small kids there fishing. i have never seen them before, so i go up to them and strike up a conversation. i ask where they live and they say that they don't live here but heard about the lake from one of their friends who also doesn't live there. we talk for a few more minutes and i tell the dad (whispering so the kids don't hear) that this is a private neighborhood and that they technically aren't allowed to fish here if they aren't a member or guest. i then say that they must not have known that and tell them to finish fishing for a day. i even offered to give them lake tags if anyone else hasseles them about being there. the guy thanks me, says he didn't know, and continues fishing the next few hours that i could tell after i went back inside. two days later, i am going for a walk around the lake and i see the same family fishing at another dock (not in front of my house). i ask the dad if he has tags and he says he doesn't, but that his kids want to fish and they aren't hurting anyone. i say i understand that, but the people that live here pay for the lake, the docks, and the fish in it and it isn't for just anyone to come here and use. we get into it and i tell him to leave. he refuses, calmly, and i tell him that our maintenance guy will be here in 10 minutes and he better find some tags in that time period or else he's getting dragged out. i get back to my house, call the maintenance guy, and i see the maintenance guy drive up to them from my window and presumably tell them to leave which they do. am i the asshole here? on one hand, it is private property and i let them stay and finish the first day when i could have easily kicked them out. on the other hand, they weren't hurting anyone. if more information is needed, i will edit this post to include it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i live in a private neighborhood built around a lake. essentially, the lake is in the middle and a road runs in a circle around it with houses on the road. everyone who buys a house here pays an hoa fee to help take care of the neighborhood. fixing docks, stocking the lake with fish, clubhouse maintenance, etc. not a big body of water, about 1.5 miles around. there are lots of signs, including a big one right when you drive in, saying that the neighborhood is private for members and guests only. in the past month, all homeowners have gotten letters from the hoa saying to be on the lookout for people who don't living coming to fish since a lot of public parks have been closed. if we see someone who doesn't live here and doesn't have lake tags signifying that they are a guest, we should tell them to leave or call the maintenance guy who will handle it. you can see where this is going. a week ago i leave my house and see a pickup pulled up to the dock in front on my house. there is a guy (dad) and his two small kids there fishing. i have never seen them before, so i go up to them and strike up a conversation. i ask where they live and they say that they don't live here but heard about the lake from one of their friends who also doesn't live there. we talk for a few more minutes and i tell the dad (whispering so the kids don't hear) that this is a private neighborhood and that they technically aren't allowed to fish here if they aren't a member or guest. i then say that they must not have known that and tell them to finish fishing for a day. i even offered to give them lake tags if anyone else hasseles them about being there. the guy thanks me, says he didn't know, and continues fishing the next few hours that i could tell after i went back inside. two days later, i am going for a walk around the lake and i see the same family fishing at another dock (not in front of my house). i ask the dad if he has tags and he says he doesn't, but that his kids want to fish and they aren't hurting anyone. i say i understand that, but the people that live here pay for the lake, the docks, and the fish in it and it isn't for just anyone to come here and use. we get into it and i tell him to leave. he refuses, calmly, and i tell him that our maintenance guy will be here in 10 minutes and he better find some tags in that time period or else he's getting dragged out. i get back to my house, call the maintenance guy, and i see the maintenance guy drive up to them from my window and presumably tell them to leave which they do. am i the asshole here? on one hand, it is private property and i let them stay and finish the first day when i could have easily kicked them out. on the other hand, they weren't hurting anyone. if more information is needed, i will edit this post to include it. [/INST] nta. you gave him a break the first time and he came back </s>
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AITA for removing my sister from my wedding
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my sister (36f) is on meth. i know i (27f) say it so nonchalant, but it is what it is. i’ve been dealing with her drug addiction since i was 12. she’s been on and off drugs for so long and when i got engaged, she was clean. everything was great, she was participating in the planning of the bachelorette party and the bridal shower, she sounded like she was sober and excited, etc. then out of no where she decided the dress i picked for everyone wouldn’t suit her. she wanted a completely different dress. i was annoyed by this but agreed. then she decided she and her boyfriend should be staying in the same house as me and my fiancé the days leading up to the wedding. she said it was selfish of me to want the house we rented to ourselves. i said fuck no you’re not staying with us and my mom has been bitching ever since (i just ignore her).
the day of the shower comers and she doesn’t show up, she texted me three days later to say she fell off the wagon and she’s sorry but that i should understand and forgive her for not being able to attend. fine, it’s my sister, i’m not going to cause a problem so i let it go. well three weeks later and now it’s time for the bachelorette party. she has been mia according to the other bridesmaids (she doesn’t answer any of my calls either) so i decided she’s not going to be in the wedding. she needs to work on getting better and this isn’t going to help her. well after doing so my mom flipped her shit and told me that it’s wrong of me to exclude my sister. “she’s family and i need to have a bit of ‘grace’.” in my head this is a big what the fuck no. she isn’t in a good spot and for once in my life i want something to be about me and not revolved around the family. i decided to go ahead and remove her from the wedding party despite the family objections. needless to say everyone is pissed at me. yeah she’s family but, aita for kicking my sister out of the wedding?
| 2,348 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i86vwe/aita_for_removing_my_sister_from_my_wedding/
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2020-08-12 04:03:01
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nta. "she's family" is a stupid thing to say. family is supposed to go both ways. you're her family too, and she doesn't care for you.
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whoa big nta. it's your wedding. what your sister is doing is selfish and also she is the asshole. your family needs to realize that she's basically the problem and not you.
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nta. your sister needs counseling and rehab. even if she did show up to the wedding (which seems unlikely given recent behavior), i doubt she would be in a good/coherent state and could very likely cause problems.
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nta it sounds like your mom has a bigger problem with it than your sister does. it's not like you plan on kicking out of the wedding completely right? like she's still able to attend? i agree she needs to be focusing on getting better and the stress of being part of a wedding party might be a part of what's triggering her relapse. the thing is, the next time she's tempted she might think about what it costs her including being in your wedding party. it might actually help her.
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nta, "b-b-b-but familyyyyyyy" is a terrible way to convince you to accept unacceptable behavior.
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nta. it’s your wedding and you want it as drama free as you can. everyone, including your sister should understand that. i am guessing that she is still invited but she can’t stand up for you because she is unreliable at this point. i hope for your sake that she shows up and that it is not stressful for you. meth is a horrible drug and i can understand why your family might be mad but they are directing there anger in the wrong direction. don’t let them guilt you into changing your mind.
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nta! first of all, by kicking her out of the wedding, you’ve made it easier for her to find time to go to rehab!
secondly, you don’t want to spend all of your special wedding events worried about your sister and if something there will push her to relapse. it’s your day and regardless of what your mom thinks, it is about you and your relationship, not your sister. i hope that she gets and stays clean and you have a beautiful wedding!
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nta as long as your sister isn’t clean, she cannot be a member of the wedding party. the simple reason is because this day is to be fully focused on you and your groom.
just as it’s incredibly rude and unacceptable for a sibling to get engaged at their brother or sister’s wedding, announce a pregnancy, sell tupperware, essential oils, timeshares, anything that attempts to take the spotlight away from the couple getting married. anyone who attempt to take control of the wedding needs to be immediately removed from the wedding party and possibly the entire wedding as well.
if your sister is on drugs, she has forfeited the privilege of being in the wedding party. explain this to your mother and anyone who disagrees. they can invite your sister to their next family wedding, graduation, or anniversary celebration if they feel so strongly about it. she can help them run their event. nobody is stopping them.
push it back on them. have zero guilt. it’s insane anyone would accept a methhead (apologies for that term, but apparently it’s true) as a bridesmaid.
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nta your sister isn’t able to be there for you right now.
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[deleted]
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister (36f) is on meth. i know i (27f) say it so nonchalant, but it is what it is. i’ve been dealing with her drug addiction since i was 12. she’s been on and off drugs for so long and when i got engaged, she was clean. everything was great, she was participating in the planning of the bachelorette party and the bridal shower, she sounded like she was sober and excited, etc. then out of no where she decided the dress i picked for everyone wouldn’t suit her. she wanted a completely different dress. i was annoyed by this but agreed. then she decided she and her boyfriend should be staying in the same house as me and my fiancé the days leading up to the wedding. she said it was selfish of me to want the house we rented to ourselves. i said fuck no you’re not staying with us and my mom has been bitching ever since (i just ignore her). the day of the shower comers and she doesn’t show up, she texted me three days later to say she fell off the wagon and she’s sorry but that i should understand and forgive her for not being able to attend. fine, it’s my sister, i’m not going to cause a problem so i let it go. well three weeks later and now it’s time for the bachelorette party. she has been mia according to the other bridesmaids (she doesn’t answer any of my calls either) so i decided she’s not going to be in the wedding. she needs to work on getting better and this isn’t going to help her. well after doing so my mom flipped her shit and told me that it’s wrong of me to exclude my sister. “she’s family and i need to have a bit of ‘grace’.” in my head this is a big what the fuck no. she isn’t in a good spot and for once in my life i want something to be about me and not revolved around the family. i decided to go ahead and remove her from the wedding party despite the family objections. needless to say everyone is pissed at me. yeah she’s family but, aita for kicking my sister out of the wedding?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister (36f) is on meth. i know i (27f) say it so nonchalant, but it is what it is. i’ve been dealing with her drug addiction since i was 12. she’s been on and off drugs for so long and when i got engaged, she was clean. everything was great, she was participating in the planning of the bachelorette party and the bridal shower, she sounded like she was sober and excited, etc. then out of no where she decided the dress i picked for everyone wouldn’t suit her. she wanted a completely different dress. i was annoyed by this but agreed. then she decided she and her boyfriend should be staying in the same house as me and my fiancé the days leading up to the wedding. she said it was selfish of me to want the house we rented to ourselves. i said fuck no you’re not staying with us and my mom has been bitching ever since (i just ignore her). the day of the shower comers and she doesn’t show up, she texted me three days later to say she fell off the wagon and she’s sorry but that i should understand and forgive her for not being able to attend. fine, it’s my sister, i’m not going to cause a problem so i let it go. well three weeks later and now it’s time for the bachelorette party. she has been mia according to the other bridesmaids (she doesn’t answer any of my calls either) so i decided she’s not going to be in the wedding. she needs to work on getting better and this isn’t going to help her. well after doing so my mom flipped her shit and told me that it’s wrong of me to exclude my sister. “she’s family and i need to have a bit of ‘grace’.” in my head this is a big what the fuck no. she isn’t in a good spot and for once in my life i want something to be about me and not revolved around the family. i decided to go ahead and remove her from the wedding party despite the family objections. needless to say everyone is pissed at me. yeah she’s family but, aita for kicking my sister out of the wedding? [/INST] nta. "she's family" is a stupid thing to say. family is supposed to go both ways. you're her family too, and she doesn't care for you. </s>
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AITA for not moving my bag off a seat for someone to sit down on the train?
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i was on the train, the stop i get on is the end of the line and no one really uses it except for the busy period (morning commute to work and that). when i was on the train, the carriage was completely empty as it was the quieter time of the day. i put my bag on the seat beside me to access it to put my umbrella away as i can't bend over due to torticollis.
torticollis is a locked spasm in your neck that makes it painful to move. bending over is near impossible without bending your neck and right now that is too painful to do. with the fact my laptop and university books was in my bag, it was a lot heavier and would have caused pain. i was going to university as the worst was over and didn't want to miss any more days.
i was putting my things in my bag when an old man approached me and asked to sit down. i said i would be a couple of minutes and explained what was happening. mainly because from the outside it just looks like i'm tilting my head to the side. he said i should move the bag because what i was doing was bad manners and disrespectful to him. i ended up telling him that the carriage was empty so i didn't understand why he wanted to sit next to me when he can sit anywhere. if the train was busy, i would absolutely move my bag to accommodate for someone else but it was empty so i didn't think it was necessary.
the old man got annoyed and told me i was a disrespectful rude girl then walked to another carriage. i don't think i was being unreasonable. aita?
| 1,603 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ew4sf4/aita_for_not_moving_my_bag_off_a_seat_for_someone/
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2020-01-30 12:36:47
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nta. honestly, it’s pretty creepy that he wanted to sit next to you in an empty carriage.
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doesnt he know its bad manners and disrespectful to sit next to a stranger on a completly empty train or bus?
its just weird.
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>i ended up telling him that the carriage was empty so i didn't understand why he wanted to sit next to me when he can sit anywhere.
i'm gonna go ahead and say it:
>girl
either way, nta.
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nta
as a frequent public transit user, i was all ready to come in here to call you ta, but yeaaaaaah. when the car is empty, put your bag on the seat all you like. that dude was a creeper.
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so some bizarre, aggressive old guy wants to sit right next to you on an empty train?
something tells me you dodged a bullet (of the unwanted-touching sexual harassment kind), when he finally left!
if anything, you may want to make a report about this guy--how he was aggressively trying to insist on sitting next to you on an empty train.
something tells me he'll be trolling for other potential victims on this train line soon enough.
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nta
> if the train was busy, i would absolutely move my bag to accommodate for someone else but it was empty so i didn't think it was necessary.
this is it right here. it's rude if the train is full and there aren't any free seats, but on a largely empty train there's nothing wrong with putting a bag on a chair.
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nta if the carriage was empty and you weren’t in the seat right next to the door then no not,if you were in the seat right next to the door then you’re closer to being the a just cause some old people don’t move well and want to sit in the first spot they can get to
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>when i was on the train, the carriage was completely empty
>i ended up telling him that the carriage was empty so i didn't understand why he wanted to sit next to me when he can sit anywhere. if the train was busy, i would absolutely move my bag to accommodate for someone else but it was empty so i didn't think it was necessary.
nta. he was being a creep. no reason for you to move your bag when the car was empty. hope you're feeling better soon. invisible disabilities suck.
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nta
that's honestly just creepy to want to sit next to a stranger on an empty carriage.
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nta.
also, as a woman, i sometimes purposely put a bag next to me on a nearly-empty train.
noone but creeps asks you to move it.
in my case, then i get up and say: sure, have the whole seat! then i go sit far away and/or closer to people who seem normal.
the creeps don't like that, ha ha ha haha. but they can't say anything now!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was on the train, the stop i get on is the end of the line and no one really uses it except for the busy period (morning commute to work and that). when i was on the train, the carriage was completely empty as it was the quieter time of the day. i put my bag on the seat beside me to access it to put my umbrella away as i can't bend over due to torticollis. torticollis is a locked spasm in your neck that makes it painful to move. bending over is near impossible without bending your neck and right now that is too painful to do. with the fact my laptop and university books was in my bag, it was a lot heavier and would have caused pain. i was going to university as the worst was over and didn't want to miss any more days. i was putting my things in my bag when an old man approached me and asked to sit down. i said i would be a couple of minutes and explained what was happening. mainly because from the outside it just looks like i'm tilting my head to the side. he said i should move the bag because what i was doing was bad manners and disrespectful to him. i ended up telling him that the carriage was empty so i didn't understand why he wanted to sit next to me when he can sit anywhere. if the train was busy, i would absolutely move my bag to accommodate for someone else but it was empty so i didn't think it was necessary. the old man got annoyed and told me i was a disrespectful rude girl then walked to another carriage. i don't think i was being unreasonable. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i was on the train, the stop i get on is the end of the line and no one really uses it except for the busy period (morning commute to work and that). when i was on the train, the carriage was completely empty as it was the quieter time of the day. i put my bag on the seat beside me to access it to put my umbrella away as i can't bend over due to torticollis. torticollis is a locked spasm in your neck that makes it painful to move. bending over is near impossible without bending your neck and right now that is too painful to do. with the fact my laptop and university books was in my bag, it was a lot heavier and would have caused pain. i was going to university as the worst was over and didn't want to miss any more days. i was putting my things in my bag when an old man approached me and asked to sit down. i said i would be a couple of minutes and explained what was happening. mainly because from the outside it just looks like i'm tilting my head to the side. he said i should move the bag because what i was doing was bad manners and disrespectful to him. i ended up telling him that the carriage was empty so i didn't understand why he wanted to sit next to me when he can sit anywhere. if the train was busy, i would absolutely move my bag to accommodate for someone else but it was empty so i didn't think it was necessary. the old man got annoyed and told me i was a disrespectful rude girl then walked to another carriage. i don't think i was being unreasonable. aita? [/INST] nta. honestly, it’s pretty creepy that he wanted to sit next to you in an empty carriage. </s>
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AITA for telling my ex to get over herself and stfu after she got mad at my son for not being in the room for his wife’s labor?
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when my wife got pregnant i dumped her because she admitted to baby trapping me. we’ve had split custody of our son from the day he was born to the day he turned 18 when he then stayed with me full time as if his choice.
in 2017 my son married his high school sweet heart and about 4 months ago they decided to have a child. she recently decided that she wanted her mom in the room during her labor and everyone was perfectly fine with this except for my ex wife. she claimed that he as the father of this child needs to be “more realistic” and “be there for his wife during her time of need.”
we all just told her to stop cause she didn’t get to make that choice. he was fine with it and it’s what his wife wanted so my ex should not get an opinion on that matter. well this went on for about 2 weeks and yesterday i’d had enough. we were all over there discussing a gender reveal, (nothing big they were just gonna have a friend make a cake. it would just be family) she brought up the “issue” with the delivery room and i got really annoyed.
i told her that she needed to shut the fuck up and get over herself because it wasn’t her child and she didn’t get to make that choice. she got really upset and started wailing so my son kicked her out. we went back to what we were doing and my daughter in law actually thanked me for saying something but i can’t help but feel like i was too harsh. am i in the wrong here?
| 3,592 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ju81o7/aita_for_telling_my_ex_to_get_over_herself_and/
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2020-11-14 19:51:21
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nta, but you should have known this the minute your son kicked her out and his wife thanked you.
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nta.
whatever the woman pushing the baby out wants the woman pushing the baby out gets.
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nta. your daughter-in-law picks whoever she wants in the delivery room. she picked her mom. your son is fine with your daughter-in-law's choice.
your ex-wife couldn't take it, her feelings got hurt, and she responded by *wailing*. your delivery may have been a *little* harsh, but in the end, your daughter-in-law decides who is in the delivery room with her. she made her choice. end of story.
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info
this is a genuine question, how does someone you're already married to "baby trap" you? i thought that was something that only a horrible person who was a singleton would do to a partner who wouldn't commit.
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if she didnt get the (not so) hint of literally telling her to stop, she deserved it. nta
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nta. your wife has absolutely no place annoying everyone with her opinions. it’s not hers to have an opinion on. your dil wants her mom in the room, and your son is okay with that, there should be no further discussion or argument.
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nta. it's his wife's choice
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nta - dil should put her happiness before your ex's beliefs.
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nta
you were right to speak up, your ex is just salty that she got told her opinion doesn't matter. and it doesn't. she was not being asked for her opinion she was being informed of their decision. the couple having the baby makes that decision, and they have made theirs. ex needs to apologize for overstepping.
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are we serious here? the only person upset at you is the person you told to stfu? you know you're nta, this is such a request for a pat on the back ugh
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: when my wife got pregnant i dumped her because she admitted to baby trapping me. we’ve had split custody of our son from the day he was born to the day he turned 18 when he then stayed with me full time as if his choice. in 2017 my son married his high school sweet heart and about 4 months ago they decided to have a child. she recently decided that she wanted her mom in the room during her labor and everyone was perfectly fine with this except for my ex wife. she claimed that he as the father of this child needs to be “more realistic” and “be there for his wife during her time of need.” we all just told her to stop cause she didn’t get to make that choice. he was fine with it and it’s what his wife wanted so my ex should not get an opinion on that matter. well this went on for about 2 weeks and yesterday i’d had enough. we were all over there discussing a gender reveal, (nothing big they were just gonna have a friend make a cake. it would just be family) she brought up the “issue” with the delivery room and i got really annoyed. i told her that she needed to shut the fuck up and get over herself because it wasn’t her child and she didn’t get to make that choice. she got really upset and started wailing so my son kicked her out. we went back to what we were doing and my daughter in law actually thanked me for saying something but i can’t help but feel like i was too harsh. am i in the wrong here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
when my wife got pregnant i dumped her because she admitted to baby trapping me. we’ve had split custody of our son from the day he was born to the day he turned 18 when he then stayed with me full time as if his choice. in 2017 my son married his high school sweet heart and about 4 months ago they decided to have a child. she recently decided that she wanted her mom in the room during her labor and everyone was perfectly fine with this except for my ex wife. she claimed that he as the father of this child needs to be “more realistic” and “be there for his wife during her time of need.” we all just told her to stop cause she didn’t get to make that choice. he was fine with it and it’s what his wife wanted so my ex should not get an opinion on that matter. well this went on for about 2 weeks and yesterday i’d had enough. we were all over there discussing a gender reveal, (nothing big they were just gonna have a friend make a cake. it would just be family) she brought up the “issue” with the delivery room and i got really annoyed. i told her that she needed to shut the fuck up and get over herself because it wasn’t her child and she didn’t get to make that choice. she got really upset and started wailing so my son kicked her out. we went back to what we were doing and my daughter in law actually thanked me for saying something but i can’t help but feel like i was too harsh. am i in the wrong here? [/INST] nta, but you should have known this the minute your son kicked her out and his wife thanked you. </s>
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AITA for refusing to give my space to my new wheelchair bound housemate without him paying for it?
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me (26 m) moved into a house 18 months ago with three friends. the rent was 2500 and parking is very expensive in my area. as i am the only one who drives i agreed to pay 900pm in rent for my room while my two friends pay 800 as they don't avail of the parking space which is built into the price.
one of my friends is moving out and advertised his room at 800, he has the downstairs bedroom and the person taking over his room is in a wheelchair and drives an assisted car.
obviously the car parking space should without question go to the guy in the wheelchair as it is right outside the house, we all unanimously agreed to this when he moved in without question.
however, i stated that the car parking space is an extra 100pm, as the reason i am paying more is because of that space and now i will need to pay for parking elsewhere.
he is refusing stating that the price advertised was 800 and he was advised the house was suitable, i acknowledged his point and can see where he is coming from but i also had no involvement in the renting of the room to him and would have advised him if that was the case.
i offered to split the small difference in 100pm space between everyone as that makes it fairer but this has not been accepted either.
the landlord stated that he would not get involved as the house was rented as a singular unit.
everyone is calling me ta for not just paying it and i have come to the point where i am saying i will continue using the space if everyone does not agree to split the cost and he will need to find alternative accommodation, especially since the lease is in my name.
i have also stated to my friend that i will not return his deposit back to him as he has mis advertised the price and he will need to rectify the situation first as our agreement was we need to find someone to fill our rooms if we move out before the end of the two year lease.
i'm being called petty and inconsiderate but i think splitting the difference is the fairest way to go, so on principle i'm not paying an extra 100 a month.
aita?
| 2,101 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t9rcno/aita_for_refusing_to_give_my_space_to_my_new/
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2022-03-08 21:28:22
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nta. it's all very simple: you were paying extra for the parking space. you would no longer have use of that parking space, ergo, you should no longer pay for the parking space.
friend is the asshole here. he needs to rectify this since it's his poor/false advertising that has landed you and the new tenant in this stalemate.
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nta disabled or not 100 per month isn’t cheap. if you’re not using the spot why the heck should you pay it. if he’s not paying it why should he park there
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nta. so they expect you to both give up the spot and continue paying for the spot? that’s unreasonable. you have offered two very reasonable solutions, it’s on them if they refuse to work with you.
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nta. in my mind, being ta would involve you belligerently sticking to your guns without being willing to compromise and that’s not you. the original agreement was, you paid more because you also paid for a spot - that’s no longer the agreement. you indicated you even countered with an everyone can split the difference and that still doesn’t seem to be working. i feel like there may be some a’s lurking around this situation - i don’t think it’s you.
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nta, that $100/month adds up. your friend should have communicated better with the new roommate, but new guy also should have known to ask about such things.
the price was $800/month for the room. new roommate gets the room. if he wants the parking space, he will have to either split the fee or pay the whole $100/month.
i don't advise just not paying the $100 though. it will make you short on subsequent months rent since new payments generally go towards any outstanding balance before the new charges, and rent isn't considered paid until the whole amount it paid. so you'll have late fees etc. and since the lease is in your name, you're the only one who gets affected long term because rental companies do call previous landlords for references. if the property is owned or managed by a company, it could even end up on your credit report.
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nta
was the conversation about who uses the parking spot before or after the new roommate signed the lease? if that was a concern of his, then that conversation needed to happen before he signed.
if the conversation happened after the lease, it is perfectly reasonable to say he can take the spot if he picks up the $100/month extra that comes with it.
the third roommate needs to stay out of it unless he’s willing to put up his own money. he does not have a dog in the fight and should be quiet accordingly.
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nta. he’s got a disability but that doesn’t mean everyone should pity him or he not pay his fair share. if you paid 100pm more then that’s what he should pay or i wouldn’t give up my parking spot. how are you gonna pay for a spot you can’t park in and also pay to park your actual car elsewhere? doesn’t make sense. if your “friends” have such issues, they can pay for it
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100% nta. you are paying extra for the space. if you aren't using it - you don't pay it.
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i think nta, and your two original roommates kinda suck. the first one should not have advertised his room as $800 unless he specified that parking wasn’t included, and your other roommate can hardly claim you should pay the extra 100 for no parking space if he isn’t willing to either.
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nta
you can't be expected to pay extra every month so someone else gets a freebie. you pay extra to use the space, you're happy to give up the space but there's no reason you should keep paying for it if someone else is using it.
your old housemate messed up when he advertised the room but as it stands, the space is yours, end of. generosity is one thing but 100 a month? hell no. having a disability doesn't entitle someone to free stuff at the expense of someone else.
if whoever wants the space won't pay for it then everyone will have to split the extra 100, as it would have been had the space been unused or never existed.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me (26 m) moved into a house 18 months ago with three friends. the rent was 2500 and parking is very expensive in my area. as i am the only one who drives i agreed to pay 900pm in rent for my room while my two friends pay 800 as they don't avail of the parking space which is built into the price. one of my friends is moving out and advertised his room at 800, he has the downstairs bedroom and the person taking over his room is in a wheelchair and drives an assisted car. obviously the car parking space should without question go to the guy in the wheelchair as it is right outside the house, we all unanimously agreed to this when he moved in without question. however, i stated that the car parking space is an extra 100pm, as the reason i am paying more is because of that space and now i will need to pay for parking elsewhere. he is refusing stating that the price advertised was 800 and he was advised the house was suitable, i acknowledged his point and can see where he is coming from but i also had no involvement in the renting of the room to him and would have advised him if that was the case. i offered to split the small difference in 100pm space between everyone as that makes it fairer but this has not been accepted either. the landlord stated that he would not get involved as the house was rented as a singular unit. everyone is calling me ta for not just paying it and i have come to the point where i am saying i will continue using the space if everyone does not agree to split the cost and he will need to find alternative accommodation, especially since the lease is in my name. i have also stated to my friend that i will not return his deposit back to him as he has mis advertised the price and he will need to rectify the situation first as our agreement was we need to find someone to fill our rooms if we move out before the end of the two year lease. i'm being called petty and inconsiderate but i think splitting the difference is the fairest way to go, so on principle i'm not paying an extra 100 a month. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me (26 m) moved into a house 18 months ago with three friends. the rent was 2500 and parking is very expensive in my area. as i am the only one who drives i agreed to pay 900pm in rent for my room while my two friends pay 800 as they don't avail of the parking space which is built into the price. one of my friends is moving out and advertised his room at 800, he has the downstairs bedroom and the person taking over his room is in a wheelchair and drives an assisted car. obviously the car parking space should without question go to the guy in the wheelchair as it is right outside the house, we all unanimously agreed to this when he moved in without question. however, i stated that the car parking space is an extra 100pm, as the reason i am paying more is because of that space and now i will need to pay for parking elsewhere. he is refusing stating that the price advertised was 800 and he was advised the house was suitable, i acknowledged his point and can see where he is coming from but i also had no involvement in the renting of the room to him and would have advised him if that was the case. i offered to split the small difference in 100pm space between everyone as that makes it fairer but this has not been accepted either. the landlord stated that he would not get involved as the house was rented as a singular unit. everyone is calling me ta for not just paying it and i have come to the point where i am saying i will continue using the space if everyone does not agree to split the cost and he will need to find alternative accommodation, especially since the lease is in my name. i have also stated to my friend that i will not return his deposit back to him as he has mis advertised the price and he will need to rectify the situation first as our agreement was we need to find someone to fill our rooms if we move out before the end of the two year lease. i'm being called petty and inconsiderate but i think splitting the difference is the fairest way to go, so on principle i'm not paying an extra 100 a month. aita? [/INST] nta. it's all very simple: you were paying extra for the parking space. you would no longer have use of that parking space, ergo, you should no longer pay for the parking space. friend is the asshole here. he needs to rectify this since it's his poor/false advertising that has landed you and the new tenant in this stalemate. </s>
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AITA for not cancelling plans to see my boyfriend due to a death in my manager's family?
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i work in fast food. we are a tight knit group of around 13 workers, 6 of which belong to the same family. my boyfriend and i are long distance (we've been dating since january), so we don't get to see each other as often as we would like. recently, we've discussed trying to make more of an effort to see each other, so we planned a visit around my work schedule, which was posted a week and a half ago. i ran the visit by my manager, telling her what i was going to do on my days off. so, she knows about my plans. i don't get a lot of weeks with 2 days off, especially weeks with 2 consecutive days off in a row. i've also been working a lot of hours recently, and we aren't really properly paid overtime. i feel overwhelmed, and feel as if i need a much needed break. so, when the schedule came out, i was happy about it.
i got my bus tickets bought, and my hotel booked. and that's when the family's grandmother passed away. i feel really bad for the family because they've been through a lot during the past year, and can't seem to catch us a break. but, here's our problem:
i'm the only opening supervisor capable of opening the store whose not part of the family. i'm also relatively new to supervising. i haven't even got my + $0.25 pay increase yet. i just got a text from my manager's daughter asking me if i'm still going to my boyfriend's city. i'm assuming this is because the funeral is going to be on the day i'm set to leave, and they need a supervisor to run the restaurant. from the text message, i feel like they're hinting at me to forgo the trip.
i replied to her telling her that i was still planning on going, and that i didn't think my bus tickets or hotel were refundable (which was sort of a white lie...)
aita for standing my ground and still going?
| 146 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dr89lw/aita_for_not_cancelling_plans_to_see_my_boyfriend/
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2019-11-03 22:57:46
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nta always stand your ground with work, having all the managers be from the same family is bad for this exact reason. it's not your fault they don't know how to run a business.
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nta
if they won’t treat you right, you don’t need to abandon the trip for them. not to mention, imagine yourself in your boyfriends shoes
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nta
also, if they aren't properly paying ot, consider getting a different job where they follow the labor laws.
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nah
i think you get their position very well but on the other hand that’s the down side of a family business they should be very aware of and not your responsibility to fix.
a long distance relationship is really hard to sustain if you don’t put your partner first and honestly this job is treating you not well enough imo to risk you relationship for it.
your employers always has the opportunity to close the restaurant because of the funeral which is common practice where i am from.
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nta
they work you like a dog. they don't "properly pay over time". you got a promotion, but didn't even get the requisite, meager pay increase.
why would you cancel your trip for their benefit?
on the other hand, be prepared to pay the consequences if you don't.
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nta. you aren’t required to change your plans due to an emergency in someone else’s family. perhaps this will inspire them to treat their employees better.
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nta. you’re just an employee in their eyes, so why should you do favors for them as if they were more than just a boss?
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nta- its really super unfortunate, but you aren’t available. whatever you do, do because you want to do. can you potentially work that day if you request they pay for a new bus ticket? & additional time off to see your bf a day later? of course take his availability into consideration as well, but just an idea?
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nta.
sort if sucks for them, but your plans are yours, you shouldnt take a loss because fo the circumstances that your uninvolved in. they however, should have systems in place. if they are all going to attend family situations and expect that all family members can attend it's kind of dumb not to have more non family members hired or be able to close the restaurant or some plan in place.
sucks for you as well, people talk and that may indirectly hurt your job, even if it shouldnt based on policy and junk.
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nta. you are not responsible for the overall hiring and scheduling. in my experience it’s always been the company that expects 100% loyalty but shows none when it comes right down to it. protect yourself. in an employment situation where a bunch of folks are family, you are most likely the one to get screwed.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i work in fast food. we are a tight knit group of around 13 workers, 6 of which belong to the same family. my boyfriend and i are long distance (we've been dating since january), so we don't get to see each other as often as we would like. recently, we've discussed trying to make more of an effort to see each other, so we planned a visit around my work schedule, which was posted a week and a half ago. i ran the visit by my manager, telling her what i was going to do on my days off. so, she knows about my plans. i don't get a lot of weeks with 2 days off, especially weeks with 2 consecutive days off in a row. i've also been working a lot of hours recently, and we aren't really properly paid overtime. i feel overwhelmed, and feel as if i need a much needed break. so, when the schedule came out, i was happy about it. i got my bus tickets bought, and my hotel booked. and that's when the family's grandmother passed away. i feel really bad for the family because they've been through a lot during the past year, and can't seem to catch us a break. but, here's our problem: i'm the only opening supervisor capable of opening the store whose not part of the family. i'm also relatively new to supervising. i haven't even got my + $0.25 pay increase yet. i just got a text from my manager's daughter asking me if i'm still going to my boyfriend's city. i'm assuming this is because the funeral is going to be on the day i'm set to leave, and they need a supervisor to run the restaurant. from the text message, i feel like they're hinting at me to forgo the trip. i replied to her telling her that i was still planning on going, and that i didn't think my bus tickets or hotel were refundable (which was sort of a white lie...) aita for standing my ground and still going?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i work in fast food. we are a tight knit group of around 13 workers, 6 of which belong to the same family. my boyfriend and i are long distance (we've been dating since january), so we don't get to see each other as often as we would like. recently, we've discussed trying to make more of an effort to see each other, so we planned a visit around my work schedule, which was posted a week and a half ago. i ran the visit by my manager, telling her what i was going to do on my days off. so, she knows about my plans. i don't get a lot of weeks with 2 days off, especially weeks with 2 consecutive days off in a row. i've also been working a lot of hours recently, and we aren't really properly paid overtime. i feel overwhelmed, and feel as if i need a much needed break. so, when the schedule came out, i was happy about it. i got my bus tickets bought, and my hotel booked. and that's when the family's grandmother passed away. i feel really bad for the family because they've been through a lot during the past year, and can't seem to catch us a break. but, here's our problem: i'm the only opening supervisor capable of opening the store whose not part of the family. i'm also relatively new to supervising. i haven't even got my + $0.25 pay increase yet. i just got a text from my manager's daughter asking me if i'm still going to my boyfriend's city. i'm assuming this is because the funeral is going to be on the day i'm set to leave, and they need a supervisor to run the restaurant. from the text message, i feel like they're hinting at me to forgo the trip. i replied to her telling her that i was still planning on going, and that i didn't think my bus tickets or hotel were refundable (which was sort of a white lie...) aita for standing my ground and still going? [/INST] nta always stand your ground with work, having all the managers be from the same family is bad for this exact reason. it's not your fault they don't know how to run a business. </s>
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AITA for telling my family friend to give me my dog?
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i (19m) got a puppy today. i’ve spent my entire day getting to know the dog and spending time with it. it’s also my dads bday, and we had a few family friends over to celebrate (socially distantly). they all met the dog, and one family friends took immediately to him in a very possessive manner. for example, when she first held him, she decided to hold him for 45 minutes. anyway, for dinner she held him in her lap for literally 2 and a half hours. the entire time, everyone else is asking to see him, only for her to get defensive. at the end of the night, it is 9:15, the dog is fucking melted. however, they are still being incredibly loud and repeatedly waking him up. everytime the family friend holding it laughs, the dog gets shaken awake. i decide to take pity on the poor fella and ask if we should put him in his crate. she looks me dead in the eyes and accuses me of “trying to take her dog.” i brush it off and go back to my business. ten minutes later i try again, she continues to act offended until i finally just reach over and pick him up to put him to sleep. the entire time she protested and afterwards she stared daggers on me. imo it’s my dog, and if i want to take him away from anyone it is my right to, especially if it’s for his health or comfort.
| 2,206 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gxkfia/aita_for_telling_my_family_friend_to_give_me_my/
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2020-06-06 04:35:06
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nta. you were looking after your pet and your family friend got weirdly possessive.
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nta - your dog, you get to decide what’s best for it. fyi, that person sounds like a psycho. my cats would’ve scratched anyone who treated them like that.
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"i (19m) got a puppy today."
"she looks me dead in the eyes and accuses me of “trying to take her dog.”."
"imo it’s my dog..."
wtf is wrong with you people? it's your dog you just got today. some weird friend comes over and tries to claim it as theirs all day long and you don't try to correct her delusions until hours later when it's been long enough that apparently she's convinced herself that it actually is her puppy. and what's with this imo it's my dog? either it is or it isn't your dog, what's "in my opinion" have to do with it?
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nta tell her he isn't her dog, he's yours, and to get her own dog.
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nta. you should have crated the family friend though.
on a serious note, get the dog microchipped and save all very receipts. this family "friend" might cause trouble down the road for you and your puppets.
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you are not the asshole. she was being really weird about your dog. she had no business giving you attitude like that.
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nta. set boundaries with her and your pet. and be firm if she doesnt respect your decision then tell her straight she banned interacting with your dog.
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nta
and never indulge people like this. you kinda fucked up letting her over bond with your animal. some people get weird inappropriate parental triggers and you wanna nip that in the bud by taking it back after a “reasonable time” and never letting that delusion take root.
don’t apologize. you were kind enough to let her hold it awhile, but then it’s not just your right but your obligation to take it away so people don’t get emotionally confused in who’s “baby” it really is.
don’t let her come “visit” your dog and if she asks to “babysit” it know that odds are good she won’t give it back.
congrats on your pupper. guard it carefully. people are greedy, selfish, entitled, hostile assholes sometimes and don’t ever want to give them a solid toe-hold to take advantage of you or make your life hell.
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yta for getting a new puppy and on the same day throwing a load of new people at it. it needs time to settle into a new environment. you should’ve taken the dog off this psycho way before it affected the dogs sleep
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nta. it's your dog legally and shit, not her's. if she wants one so bad, she can go adopt one.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (19m) got a puppy today. i’ve spent my entire day getting to know the dog and spending time with it. it’s also my dads bday, and we had a few family friends over to celebrate (socially distantly). they all met the dog, and one family friends took immediately to him in a very possessive manner. for example, when she first held him, she decided to hold him for 45 minutes. anyway, for dinner she held him in her lap for literally 2 and a half hours. the entire time, everyone else is asking to see him, only for her to get defensive. at the end of the night, it is 9:15, the dog is fucking melted. however, they are still being incredibly loud and repeatedly waking him up. everytime the family friend holding it laughs, the dog gets shaken awake. i decide to take pity on the poor fella and ask if we should put him in his crate. she looks me dead in the eyes and accuses me of “trying to take her dog.” i brush it off and go back to my business. ten minutes later i try again, she continues to act offended until i finally just reach over and pick him up to put him to sleep. the entire time she protested and afterwards she stared daggers on me. imo it’s my dog, and if i want to take him away from anyone it is my right to, especially if it’s for his health or comfort.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (19m) got a puppy today. i’ve spent my entire day getting to know the dog and spending time with it. it’s also my dads bday, and we had a few family friends over to celebrate (socially distantly). they all met the dog, and one family friends took immediately to him in a very possessive manner. for example, when she first held him, she decided to hold him for 45 minutes. anyway, for dinner she held him in her lap for literally 2 and a half hours. the entire time, everyone else is asking to see him, only for her to get defensive. at the end of the night, it is 9:15, the dog is fucking melted. however, they are still being incredibly loud and repeatedly waking him up. everytime the family friend holding it laughs, the dog gets shaken awake. i decide to take pity on the poor fella and ask if we should put him in his crate. she looks me dead in the eyes and accuses me of “trying to take her dog.” i brush it off and go back to my business. ten minutes later i try again, she continues to act offended until i finally just reach over and pick him up to put him to sleep. the entire time she protested and afterwards she stared daggers on me. imo it’s my dog, and if i want to take him away from anyone it is my right to, especially if it’s for his health or comfort. [/INST] nta. you were looking after your pet and your family friend got weirdly possessive. </s>
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AITA for not giving the other parents at the party a heads up that my son wears prosthetics and not making him keep them on?
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i am a 34 year old woman who recently moved to a new town with my son who is 8. when he was six months old we were in a bad car crash after a lorry smashed into us. my boyfriend who was his father died instantly and my son ended up losing both his legs below the knees. i myself was largely unscathed from serious harm though i have some wicked facial scarring now.
one of the neighbouring mothers invited us to her 10 year old sons birthday party which was happening 4 days after we moved in, she said we didn't need to bring a gift as we didn't really know her son and it'd just be a good way for my son to make some friends so i happily accepted thinking it was a kind offer.
the party was being held at a local park so when it came we went, my son was in shorts as we're experiencing a heat wave this made it possible to tell at a glance he wears prosthetics which clearly made the other parents uncomfortable and a few of them approached me to ask if he'd be ok in the park which i was quick to assure them he'd be fine.
my son gave one of his toy pirate swords to the birthday boy as he didn't want to go without a gift and ran off to go play with the other kids, my son is obsessed with pirates seeing them as like him and he often tells people the reason he has no legs below the knee is because he wanted to be the ultimate pirate and have two peg legs, he's something else but i'm proud of how confident he is.
while the kids were playing i sat with the other parents i was also keeping an eye on my son to make sure no other kids were picking on him but beyond some confusion and questions the kids seemed to be doing fine.
eventually several kids began to come leave their shoes with their parents as it was too hot, my son came up and complained that his prosthetics were "itching" as he was too hot and asked me if he could take them off, i told him of course and i'd keep them beside me and to just shout on me when he wanted them back. my son is able to move about without them it's just slower so i knew this wouldn't stop him playing and the park was clean with no broken glass etc.
the other parents just stared shocked as my son took off his prosthetics before going back to play with the kids who barely batted an eyelid at him suddenly being a couple of feet shorter. one of the mothers then began to say how i couldn't let him do that as it would scare the other children and he had to put them back on. i told her they seemed fine to me and if the other kids could take their shoes off he could do this, she tried to protest it wasn't the same.
some other parents then tried to imply it was rude that i'd not said anything in a polite roundabout way clearly not wanting to be seen as overtly offensive.
i keep thinking back to those exchanges though. i've never really had issues like this, where we stayed before basically everyone knew so i'd never thought to do the explaining to other parents thing...was i in the wrong here? should i have been considerate of them?
| 5,750 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vkc1go/aita_for_not_giving_the_other_parents_at_the/
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2022-06-25 10:20:51
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nta. honestly you're son sounds like an absolute trooper with a great attitude.
people need to stop trying to "protect" their children from seeing or experiencing something unique. otherwise those kids grow up not understanding anything outside their bubble.
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*you* are not the asshole here! your son is living his best pirate life, and clearly the kids didn't mind - just their rude-ass mothers.
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nta 100%
the other parents should act like adults in this situation. the kids weren’t bothered by your son’s prosthetics and the parents shouldn’t be either. my husband is a disabled combat veteran and he has a friend that has 2 prosthetic legs. he stayed with us for a couple days when my son was about 5. my son was curious, and asked a lot of questions, but certainly was not scared. he actually thought he had really cool “robot legs” which is how my husband’s friend explained it to him. it sounds like the kids at the park were much the same, asked questions, but were not scared. and it sounds like your son handled the situation perfectly. if any of the kids were scared, that is the perfect opportunity for their parents to talk to them about how some people do have disabilities, but it doesn’t mean we treat them any differently. your son sounds amazing and i love the story about being the ultimate pirate. i’m sure you both have enough challenges to overcome, you shouldn’t have to worry about “warning” other parents about your son wearing prosthetics. maybe if it was a sleepover you would want to give them some direction, but you were literally there at the park with him. if they are uncomfortable, that is on them! keep being the great mother you already are!
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nta
your son's medical needs and mobility aids are none of those other parents' business. it sounds like you're doing a wonderful job raising a bright, confident child to live his best life, and that the other kids accepted him _as he is_ without reservation. with and without his prosthetics.
kids don't learn to other on their own, they inherit their biases from their parents, and parents use their kids as an excuse for their own discomfort. that's what happened at the park. don't lean into their shittiness.
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nta
your son doesn’t need permission to take a break from his legs. and you don’t need permission to act in your sons best interest.
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definitely nta, and those other parents should have observed their own children's non-reactions before getting so weird on you. sorry about that experience, your son sounds awesome.
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you a totally fab pirate momma.
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nta, i remember having experiences like that age, it never bothered me!
the mothers are the petty ones, it literally makes no difference to other children! and the heads up thing is just dumb???
i remember when i was sick (not able to walk for a few days and being generally slower than others over the year i spent getting better), i was so embarrassed at the stares my legs got for being full of bruises, i have trouble wearing shorts to this day (even tho i recovered a almost 10 years ago), these mothers should learn their actions hurt! ur son seems so sweet and should be allowed to have fun!!
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arrrr me hearties! i spy no problems 'ere! keep doin' what ye be doin' an' ignore the 'aters
nta
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nta.
imo, your son gave an amazing gift to all of the other kids at the party: normalizing people with different abilities. for the rest of their lives, those kids will likely perceive paraplegic, visually or hearing impaired , etc peers as just that - peers, not 'special'. that is a huge lesson that the parents likely missed as children.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am a 34 year old woman who recently moved to a new town with my son who is 8. when he was six months old we were in a bad car crash after a lorry smashed into us. my boyfriend who was his father died instantly and my son ended up losing both his legs below the knees. i myself was largely unscathed from serious harm though i have some wicked facial scarring now. one of the neighbouring mothers invited us to her 10 year old sons birthday party which was happening 4 days after we moved in, she said we didn't need to bring a gift as we didn't really know her son and it'd just be a good way for my son to make some friends so i happily accepted thinking it was a kind offer. the party was being held at a local park so when it came we went, my son was in shorts as we're experiencing a heat wave this made it possible to tell at a glance he wears prosthetics which clearly made the other parents uncomfortable and a few of them approached me to ask if he'd be ok in the park which i was quick to assure them he'd be fine. my son gave one of his toy pirate swords to the birthday boy as he didn't want to go without a gift and ran off to go play with the other kids, my son is obsessed with pirates seeing them as like him and he often tells people the reason he has no legs below the knee is because he wanted to be the ultimate pirate and have two peg legs, he's something else but i'm proud of how confident he is. while the kids were playing i sat with the other parents i was also keeping an eye on my son to make sure no other kids were picking on him but beyond some confusion and questions the kids seemed to be doing fine. eventually several kids began to come leave their shoes with their parents as it was too hot, my son came up and complained that his prosthetics were "itching" as he was too hot and asked me if he could take them off, i told him of course and i'd keep them beside me and to just shout on me when he wanted them back. my son is able to move about without them it's just slower so i knew this wouldn't stop him playing and the park was clean with no broken glass etc. the other parents just stared shocked as my son took off his prosthetics before going back to play with the kids who barely batted an eyelid at him suddenly being a couple of feet shorter. one of the mothers then began to say how i couldn't let him do that as it would scare the other children and he had to put them back on. i told her they seemed fine to me and if the other kids could take their shoes off he could do this, she tried to protest it wasn't the same. some other parents then tried to imply it was rude that i'd not said anything in a polite roundabout way clearly not wanting to be seen as overtly offensive. i keep thinking back to those exchanges though. i've never really had issues like this, where we stayed before basically everyone knew so i'd never thought to do the explaining to other parents thing...was i in the wrong here? should i have been considerate of them?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am a 34 year old woman who recently moved to a new town with my son who is 8. when he was six months old we were in a bad car crash after a lorry smashed into us. my boyfriend who was his father died instantly and my son ended up losing both his legs below the knees. i myself was largely unscathed from serious harm though i have some wicked facial scarring now. one of the neighbouring mothers invited us to her 10 year old sons birthday party which was happening 4 days after we moved in, she said we didn't need to bring a gift as we didn't really know her son and it'd just be a good way for my son to make some friends so i happily accepted thinking it was a kind offer. the party was being held at a local park so when it came we went, my son was in shorts as we're experiencing a heat wave this made it possible to tell at a glance he wears prosthetics which clearly made the other parents uncomfortable and a few of them approached me to ask if he'd be ok in the park which i was quick to assure them he'd be fine. my son gave one of his toy pirate swords to the birthday boy as he didn't want to go without a gift and ran off to go play with the other kids, my son is obsessed with pirates seeing them as like him and he often tells people the reason he has no legs below the knee is because he wanted to be the ultimate pirate and have two peg legs, he's something else but i'm proud of how confident he is. while the kids were playing i sat with the other parents i was also keeping an eye on my son to make sure no other kids were picking on him but beyond some confusion and questions the kids seemed to be doing fine. eventually several kids began to come leave their shoes with their parents as it was too hot, my son came up and complained that his prosthetics were "itching" as he was too hot and asked me if he could take them off, i told him of course and i'd keep them beside me and to just shout on me when he wanted them back. my son is able to move about without them it's just slower so i knew this wouldn't stop him playing and the park was clean with no broken glass etc. the other parents just stared shocked as my son took off his prosthetics before going back to play with the kids who barely batted an eyelid at him suddenly being a couple of feet shorter. one of the mothers then began to say how i couldn't let him do that as it would scare the other children and he had to put them back on. i told her they seemed fine to me and if the other kids could take their shoes off he could do this, she tried to protest it wasn't the same. some other parents then tried to imply it was rude that i'd not said anything in a polite roundabout way clearly not wanting to be seen as overtly offensive. i keep thinking back to those exchanges though. i've never really had issues like this, where we stayed before basically everyone knew so i'd never thought to do the explaining to other parents thing...was i in the wrong here? should i have been considerate of them? [/INST] nta. honestly you're son sounds like an absolute trooper with a great attitude. people need to stop trying to "protect" their children from seeing or experiencing something unique. otherwise those kids grow up not understanding anything outside their bubble. </s>
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AITA for telling my sister that my niece is welcomed in my home but my nephew is not till he learns not to touch things?
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it is pretty much what the title says. my sister is a single mother with two kids beth(12) and joe(9). every so often i watch my niece and nephew in my home. i love them so i do my best to make sure my home is their second home. my guest room is their playroom, i have games and toys, i make them dinner and help with homework. beth is a dream to look after. she is well spoken and behaved. i don't have to really watch her cause she's good at doing that she's told and keeping herself busy. joe on the other hand is a headache. i will say this now because i know it will come up in the comments. joe doesn't have adhd, autism, or anything of that nature. (his teacher thought he might so my sister got him tested)
joe has a problem with touching things that aren't his. he'll do this at home, my house, stores - pretty much anywhere. he has to pick up and touch everything he sees! i constantly have to tell him to put something down. i do meant constantly. if you tell him to stop touching something or to put something down, joe will just say "why? why? i want to touch it though!" once i had to pay for a vase in a store cause joe dropped it. he's gotten in trouble at school for taking other students' things to touch.
recently my pen pal from washington sent me some 3d wooden puzzles for my birthday. they in the shape of ships and planes. i put them together and put them on a bookshelf in the living room to display them. joe noticed them right away. i told him he can look but not to touch cause they aren't toys. naturally joe ignored me and touched. four the 3d puzzles are completely broken. i can't repair them and cried.
joe apologized but the damage was done. when my sister came to pick them up, i told her joe was no longer welcomed till he learned to keep his hands to himself. my sister argued it wasn't fair that beth could keep coming but joe couldn't. i told her joe is old enough to listen. even though he apologized, the point stands that i told him not to touch them in the first place. we argued for a bit then she left.
aita?
| 5,228 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qggsak/aita_for_telling_my_sister_that_my_niece_is/
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2021-10-26 21:31:01
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nta, but joe needs help. he may not have adhd or autism, but he has *something*.
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nta.
he's 9 not 3. although a 3 year old may understand "don't touch" more then him.
he already broke one thing you had to pay for which i hope you got reimbursed for.
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absolutely nta, and your sister is hurting joe's social experience by not teaching him to control his impulses that are getting him into trouble. no reason you can't still have a relationship with joe that for the time being doesn't involve him having access to your stuff.
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nta- i have worked in childcare for almost ten years. developmentally 9 is old enough to follow a direction such as “don’t touch”.
however, i do have some insights that may be helpful in this situation.
it seems like joe may have an impulse control problem. his brain is still developing and although he doesn’t want to break things or upset others he may find the compulsion to touch things extremely difficult to control because that part of his brain is still developing.
i think disallowing him from your home is a reasonable, related consequence, but you also need to offer a clear path to earning the privilege back. keeping him from your home forever would be too harsh a punishment for a young child and will make things much harder on your single mother sister.
in addition to an apology, what can he do to demonstrate that he can handle being in your home again without touching things that he isn’t supposed to? also, what further precautions can you take to help curb his impulse control problem until he outgrows this developmental phase? could you put alluring breakable items on higher out-of-reach shelves? perhaps you or his mother could provide tactilely stimulating toys such as slime or fidget toys to distract him from touching other things?
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nta
he isn't just touching things, he is destroying them. your sister is lucky you don't make her pay for the damage.
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nta, but don’t be surprised if your sister does not let beth come over anymore either. you aren’t wrong in that 9 is plenty old enough to understand not to touch. that is something even a toddler understands to an extend. joe is blatantly ignoring boundaries and now has to deal with the consequences.
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nta
"joe is old enough to know better, and since words aren't working, actions will. he won't get to enjoy my home and the fun things we do here if he can't respect my home and possessions. he needs to learn no apology is going to fix the things he breaks, and so he needs to not break them in the first place by not touching them."
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nta
if this is a problem in stores and schools and people's homes then this is a big problem that your sister should have addressed. by not doing so she is doing a great disservice to her son. i blame her far more than i blame him. you are perfectly within your rights not to want him in your home until you know your belongings will be safe and respected.
that being said, and i'm not trying to be harsh, but when you knew you had a toucher/breaker of things in your home, was giving him access to these models a good idea? could you not have moved them to a higher shelf, or blocked his access some way? i hate to say it, but having him in the same room with them in arms reach seems like leading a bull into a china shop and hoping for the best.
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nta. sis it seems to me that joe thinks if he says sorry everything is forgiven and no harm done. he needs to learn some consequences for actions even after he says he is sorry.
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nta. actions have consequences and he's old enough to listen.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: it is pretty much what the title says. my sister is a single mother with two kids beth(12) and joe(9). every so often i watch my niece and nephew in my home. i love them so i do my best to make sure my home is their second home. my guest room is their playroom, i have games and toys, i make them dinner and help with homework. beth is a dream to look after. she is well spoken and behaved. i don't have to really watch her cause she's good at doing that she's told and keeping herself busy. joe on the other hand is a headache. i will say this now because i know it will come up in the comments. joe doesn't have adhd, autism, or anything of that nature. (his teacher thought he might so my sister got him tested) joe has a problem with touching things that aren't his. he'll do this at home, my house, stores - pretty much anywhere. he has to pick up and touch everything he sees! i constantly have to tell him to put something down. i do meant constantly. if you tell him to stop touching something or to put something down, joe will just say "why? why? i want to touch it though!" once i had to pay for a vase in a store cause joe dropped it. he's gotten in trouble at school for taking other students' things to touch. recently my pen pal from washington sent me some 3d wooden puzzles for my birthday. they in the shape of ships and planes. i put them together and put them on a bookshelf in the living room to display them. joe noticed them right away. i told him he can look but not to touch cause they aren't toys. naturally joe ignored me and touched. four the 3d puzzles are completely broken. i can't repair them and cried. joe apologized but the damage was done. when my sister came to pick them up, i told her joe was no longer welcomed till he learned to keep his hands to himself. my sister argued it wasn't fair that beth could keep coming but joe couldn't. i told her joe is old enough to listen. even though he apologized, the point stands that i told him not to touch them in the first place. we argued for a bit then she left. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
it is pretty much what the title says. my sister is a single mother with two kids beth(12) and joe(9). every so often i watch my niece and nephew in my home. i love them so i do my best to make sure my home is their second home. my guest room is their playroom, i have games and toys, i make them dinner and help with homework. beth is a dream to look after. she is well spoken and behaved. i don't have to really watch her cause she's good at doing that she's told and keeping herself busy. joe on the other hand is a headache. i will say this now because i know it will come up in the comments. joe doesn't have adhd, autism, or anything of that nature. (his teacher thought he might so my sister got him tested) joe has a problem with touching things that aren't his. he'll do this at home, my house, stores - pretty much anywhere. he has to pick up and touch everything he sees! i constantly have to tell him to put something down. i do meant constantly. if you tell him to stop touching something or to put something down, joe will just say "why? why? i want to touch it though!" once i had to pay for a vase in a store cause joe dropped it. he's gotten in trouble at school for taking other students' things to touch. recently my pen pal from washington sent me some 3d wooden puzzles for my birthday. they in the shape of ships and planes. i put them together and put them on a bookshelf in the living room to display them. joe noticed them right away. i told him he can look but not to touch cause they aren't toys. naturally joe ignored me and touched. four the 3d puzzles are completely broken. i can't repair them and cried. joe apologized but the damage was done. when my sister came to pick them up, i told her joe was no longer welcomed till he learned to keep his hands to himself. my sister argued it wasn't fair that beth could keep coming but joe couldn't. i told her joe is old enough to listen. even though he apologized, the point stands that i told him not to touch them in the first place. we argued for a bit then she left. aita? [/INST] nta, but joe needs help. he may not have adhd or autism, but he has *something*. </s>
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AITA for not sharing our fruits?
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i'll keep this short and crisp:we bought a new house last month and it came with a big, beautiful garden, including a nice pear tree that's right by the brick wall to the neighbors garden. i love pears!to clarify: our tree doesn't hang over the other property but since the neighbor's garden has a higher ground level than ours, it is very easy for them to reach over the wall and pick the fruits.
so a few days after moving in i was in the garden and saw the neighbor lady picking our pears. she seemed a tiny bit embarrassed upon noticing me but when i came closer she said that the previous house owners didn't like pears and always allowed them to pick the fruit so they won't spoil.fair enough, but i told her then that i happen to love pears and i'd like to keep our crop.
she was visibly miffed when i told her that but she left the fruits she picked on top of the wall (....where i cannot reach them) and left.i tried not to think much of it, but the next day i encountered her husband doing the same. picking the fruit. i told him the same thing i told her already and he replied that it's only some pears and that the world would be such a bad place if everyone would make such a fuss about it like i do.
i wasn't aware that i was making a fuss? i simply thought that if it's my property and my tree and if it doesn't hang over to their garden - can i not keep it? why does he think he's entitled to our crop??
i just left then because i was so mad and i didn't wanna risk saying anything mean, but i talked to my husband and he said that the neighbors are right and i shouldn't worry about it, afterall we can just buy pears in the supermarket and it's no big deal.yeah sure, technically he's right, but i just can't get over the entitlement of these people! if they think they have the rights to things that aren't theirs, will it stop at just fruit trees? or will they suddenly show up in my garden, playing ball and acting like they can do anything they want like in some creepy netflix series??
i don't want some "neighborhood war" or whatever but i find their behavior preposterous. am i really the ass here for telling them to keep their paws off my crop?
(ps: that was about a month ago and meanwhile all pears are gone, we haven't talked to the neighbors since, but today i remembered because the guy was giving me the stinkeye when i pulled into my driveway earlier...)
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z1e44v/aita_for_not_sharing_our_fruits/
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2022-11-21 23:37:32
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nta. your property. your tree. your call. your neighbors should stop picking fruits that aren't theirs and buy it at the supermarket, not you. they can plant their own pear tree if they're not happy about it. next time the tree blooms, offer them a bag of pears to appease things with them.
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>afterall we can just buy pears in the supermarket and it's no big deal.
so can the neighbours who do not have an effing pear tree. nta
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nta - i mean, the “neighborly” thing to do would be to invite them to pick a few, but what irks me on this is that they just went ahead and took without asking. they don’t get to decide whether or not it’s “reasonable” for you to ask them to stop; it’s not theirs to take. if they had asked for a few before taking any, then i would say you might want to consider sharing, but they didn’t. they helped themselves without asking, and that is not behavior i would personally want to encourage.
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nta. i’d be pissed, too! we’re planning to put in a fruit tree or two soon, and i’d be so upset if someone helped themself without so much as a by-your-leave. before next season’s fruit comes in, you might think about putting up some bird netting on poles between the wall and your tree, so they can’t just reach in and grab your pears. if it’s so easy to go pick them up at the grocery store, let them go do that. everyone knows home grown is better, because you can let everything get good and ripe and not worry about transport bruising your fruits, especially with things like pears and plums that get soft and easily damaged when they’re properly ripe.
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there’s actually a word for this. tell your neighbors to stop scrumping your pears. you’re not the previous owner. they can buy pears at the supermarket. nta.
*edit a word.
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nta. that’s your shit. it’s probably neighborly to share some but it should be within the boundaries that you set, not the previous owner of the house.
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put a cardboard sign saying $10 each pear where they can see.
put a camera filming then and when they steal your pears, charge them.
nta, your tree, your pears.
tell them to try to go to a grocery store and pick a few things and say to the owner not to make a fuss when they are obviously stopped on the way out.
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>afterall we can just buy pears in the supermarket and it's no big deal.
your husband is ta and a pushover. why dont the neighbors buy their own damned pears from the supermarket and leave yours alone? there is nothing like a fresh ripened pear from the tree. most of the time store bought pears cant even compete.
i cant even imagine the scenario of a pear tree taking up space in my backyard, water and other resources from my pocket and im the one who has to buy supermarket pears. gtfo of here...
your neighbors are also entitled assholes who are blatantly and overtly stealing from you and the husband has the balls to tell you not to fuss. you should prune your tree further away from your wall. maybe for xmas or a holiday, you gift them a pear sapling they can plant in their own yard as a not so subtle message. nta
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nta... how the hell does it make sense that you spend the money for the water that feeds the tree and yet somehow you should also have to bear the cost of purchasing the fruit from a grocery store because your neighbors want unfettered access to yours? that's completely asinine and i can't see where your husband is coming from. i also don't think you should start a neighborhood war but good neighbors should be respectful of each other, and they are absolutely not respectful of you.
i would tell them that you're willing to give them a dozen pears as an act of good will but anymore then that will be charged for. how stupid is your husband going to feel when he finds out that they are taking all of your pairs to the farmers market and selling them for a fair penny?
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info a whole treeful of pears is an awful lot of pears. did you have plans to can them or otherwise preserve the whole lot of them? while you’re technically in the right, it does seem petty unless you truly were going to eat or preserve every last pear from the tree. i have a plum tree, and i eat, preserve, and give away bags and bags of fruit and loads still end up rotting on the ground. maybe pear trees don’t produce like that but i can’t imagine i’d ever notice if my neighbors took a few-there’s far more than enough to go around.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'll keep this short and crisp:we bought a new house last month and it came with a big, beautiful garden, including a nice pear tree that's right by the brick wall to the neighbors garden. i love pears!to clarify: our tree doesn't hang over the other property but since the neighbor's garden has a higher ground level than ours, it is very easy for them to reach over the wall and pick the fruits. so a few days after moving in i was in the garden and saw the neighbor lady picking our pears. she seemed a tiny bit embarrassed upon noticing me but when i came closer she said that the previous house owners didn't like pears and always allowed them to pick the fruit so they won't spoil.fair enough, but i told her then that i happen to love pears and i'd like to keep our crop. she was visibly miffed when i told her that but she left the fruits she picked on top of the wall (....where i cannot reach them) and left.i tried not to think much of it, but the next day i encountered her husband doing the same. picking the fruit. i told him the same thing i told her already and he replied that it's only some pears and that the world would be such a bad place if everyone would make such a fuss about it like i do. i wasn't aware that i was making a fuss? i simply thought that if it's my property and my tree and if it doesn't hang over to their garden - can i not keep it? why does he think he's entitled to our crop?? i just left then because i was so mad and i didn't wanna risk saying anything mean, but i talked to my husband and he said that the neighbors are right and i shouldn't worry about it, afterall we can just buy pears in the supermarket and it's no big deal.yeah sure, technically he's right, but i just can't get over the entitlement of these people! if they think they have the rights to things that aren't theirs, will it stop at just fruit trees? or will they suddenly show up in my garden, playing ball and acting like they can do anything they want like in some creepy netflix series?? i don't want some "neighborhood war" or whatever but i find their behavior preposterous. am i really the ass here for telling them to keep their paws off my crop? (ps: that was about a month ago and meanwhile all pears are gone, we haven't talked to the neighbors since, but today i remembered because the guy was giving me the stinkeye when i pulled into my driveway earlier...) \---
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'll keep this short and crisp:we bought a new house last month and it came with a big, beautiful garden, including a nice pear tree that's right by the brick wall to the neighbors garden. i love pears!to clarify: our tree doesn't hang over the other property but since the neighbor's garden has a higher ground level than ours, it is very easy for them to reach over the wall and pick the fruits. so a few days after moving in i was in the garden and saw the neighbor lady picking our pears. she seemed a tiny bit embarrassed upon noticing me but when i came closer she said that the previous house owners didn't like pears and always allowed them to pick the fruit so they won't spoil.fair enough, but i told her then that i happen to love pears and i'd like to keep our crop. she was visibly miffed when i told her that but she left the fruits she picked on top of the wall (....where i cannot reach them) and left.i tried not to think much of it, but the next day i encountered her husband doing the same. picking the fruit. i told him the same thing i told her already and he replied that it's only some pears and that the world would be such a bad place if everyone would make such a fuss about it like i do. i wasn't aware that i was making a fuss? i simply thought that if it's my property and my tree and if it doesn't hang over to their garden - can i not keep it? why does he think he's entitled to our crop?? i just left then because i was so mad and i didn't wanna risk saying anything mean, but i talked to my husband and he said that the neighbors are right and i shouldn't worry about it, afterall we can just buy pears in the supermarket and it's no big deal.yeah sure, technically he's right, but i just can't get over the entitlement of these people! if they think they have the rights to things that aren't theirs, will it stop at just fruit trees? or will they suddenly show up in my garden, playing ball and acting like they can do anything they want like in some creepy netflix series?? i don't want some "neighborhood war" or whatever but i find their behavior preposterous. am i really the ass here for telling them to keep their paws off my crop? (ps: that was about a month ago and meanwhile all pears are gone, we haven't talked to the neighbors since, but today i remembered because the guy was giving me the stinkeye when i pulled into my driveway earlier...) \--- [/INST] nta. your property. your tree. your call. your neighbors should stop picking fruits that aren't theirs and buy it at the supermarket, not you. they can plant their own pear tree if they're not happy about it. next time the tree blooms, offer them a bag of pears to appease things with them. </s>
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AITA For refusing to put up the Christmas tree with my bf and his family.
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so for reference my bf (m27) and i (f20)live in my home, recently his sister (f25) and her two toddlers have also moved in with us. it’s been really rough and our relationship has been on the rocks for awhile. today he made the comment “guess who is gonna be putting up the tree today?” i asked who… he said “obviously you since it’s your house”. i didn’t agree and honestly it kind of annoyed be but i just laughed it off. for past knowledge i bought my home when i was 18, about 8 months before i met him. he likes to use this against me and says it’s my house i should do everything to take care of it such as chores, etc… it’s always bothered me so much. later in the evening we were all sitting in the living room and hey looked at me and said “hey you should go get the christmas tree and decorations from the shed” i didn’t realize he was serious until he said it was my house and my tree. i’d also like to add we have been in the middle of a blizzard for the past week and temperatures are below freezing and windy. i just said “okay meet you out there”. i got all bundled up and went out to the shed… and guess who never came out? i ended up having to take the tree in first, they both watched me bring them in and then just looked away and kept watching t.v. then i made another trip and brought in all the decorations. this time when i came in he said “well you forgot part so you need to go back”. i got frustrated and started looking for a flashlight because now it’s pitch black outside and my phone died. the my bf yelled from the couch at me and said “if you’re gonna keep acting that miserable we’re not gonna do this”. i just looked over and said “you have your gf going outside in a blizzard getting christmas decorations for your family and your not helping, it’s freezing and slick outside!”. his sister just watched, and he got upset and walked away. i ended up going back out there to look for the missing piece, i spent about 15 minutes looking for it and didn’t find it so i went back inside.
they had already started while i was out there, i looked at my phone once i got to the charger and he texted me that i didn’t miss a piece. now i’m in the room while they are putting up the and decorating the tree and he is upset with me for not helping. i also want to add i have several chronic pain disorders and nerve issues, my body doesn’t do good in the cold at all and i’m sore for days after.
i know christmas is important to his family and i feel guilty for missing out. but he made me so upset.
*little update, i woke up this morning and came out to find out they didn’t even out it up! he literally brought them all back out in the shed and is now blaming me his family won’t have a tree !🤬*
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zol25n/aita_for_refusing_to_put_up_the_christmas_tree/
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2022-12-18 00:29:44
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nta, why are you with someone who is treating you like this? i understand chronic pain and him to act like this is crazy, especially if he knows. he should’ve helped even if it you didn’t have the pain.
you need to stand up for yourself though and be firm and an advocate for yourself or this will not get any better. he is already showing you how he will treat you and his family is following suit.
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holy shit, no…nta.
get out get out get out. of this relationship. they can get out of your house.
i can’t even imagine being the sister and being present for this whole thing while i sat on my ass. let alone this ‘your house so you do it’ bs. does anyone financially contribute? physically contribute? they need to get out.
get out.
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nta. i know many people’s response on this forum is “break up”. but, girl! if he is living with you and contributes in no way to the management (yard work, chores, cooking) of the house now, it’s not going to get better. if you truly want to attempt to salvage the relationship, go to therapy. if he has no interest in therapy or saving the relationship, then get him out. he’s abusing the relationship for a living situation. imagine what he’d be like if y’all got married and your belongings were legally attached to each other. if he becomes worse than he is now, i would hope you loved yourself enough to leave the relationship. unless you got a pre-nup, most divorces would be 50-50. even though it would be a far distant possibility, your house may no longer be your’s. the law’s weird. don’t take risks, honey. if you love him, give him a chance. if not, he’s obviously failing to contribute to the relationship. you’re giving way more than he ever was to the two of you.
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nta - but you don’t have a bf, i’m afraid - you have a leech.
- tells you chores are your responsibility because it’s your house
- watches you struggle and doesn’t list a finger
- moves his sister in
- expects you to serve them both
i know these things can be hard to recognize when you’re in the middle of them - but this is not how you treat someone you love.
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nta, he sure is and his sister too.
you can use the excuse "it's my house" as well." it's my house so i don't really want to have to live with people for whom i have to do everything.
he probably knew about how bad the cold it's for you, but he made you leave to search for the tree and the decorations all by yourself, then accused you of looking miserable when clearly you were because they were not helping you to do something they wanted to do and on top of that he didn't have the decency to come out to look for you and tell you that you hadn't forgotten anything, that you should come in and put up the tree all together instead of what happened.
a person that cruel is not worth much, if i were you i would be like : "you know what? it's my house and you could start looking for a new one for you and your sister because our relationship is over"
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girl, y.t.a, not for refusing to put up the christmas tree with your boyfriend, but for letting him and his sister treating you like a doormat. you know he’s been doing this, and instead of putting your foot down and create a boundary, you accepted his demands and put your own self in misery.
edit after reading op’s answer: nta, but i feel really sad for you. i hope with other people’s answers you can realize that you are in a really bad situation with your bf and his sister. they’re definitely not your ally. they’re using you. please drop them and seek professional help.
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nta. your bf is the asshole. he’s taking advantage of you. the it’s your house nonsense is garbage and i think maybe he’s doing it to you because you’re young and perhaps don’t realize how wrong that is. as a person who lives in the house, he and his sister are responsible for as much of the housework as you, if not more if they’re not contributing rent.
if he’s going to persist at throwing the fact that it’s your house at you then you should start charging him rent since he thinks he just gets a free ride. and oven if he’s paying rent, he still needs to clean up after himself.
personally, i think you should break up with him. i think he might be using you.
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nta.
kick that lazy, selfish, asshole loser and his leech of a sister out of your house.
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nta
i’ve read your responses and i understand the mental hurdle you have to jump to pull off breaking up with him. i’d feel the same way, it’s christmas and the kids didn’t ask for this dysfunction either. but this is not on you, this is an opportunity for you to take control and change the narrative of your past experiences with abuse. some break up phrase could be like “i don’t feel about you like i used to and i am ending this relationship. you and your sister have until jan 15 to move out” i personally would do it after christmas because i’d use christmas as my back up to reason why i want the relationship to end. “i wanted to see how christmas went so i could clarify my feelings and my feelings didn’t change” or before as “i think it’s fair we end the relationship now as i don’t want christmas to not be real for all of us” go with your gut on what you think will cause the least amount of stress for yourself. i really feel like this is a bad relationship to keep going. i was going to suggest boundaries and time lines but honestly i feel this needs to end as the odds of things getting better are probably the same as winning the lottery. when it comes to the separation of stuff find out what your common law laws are where you live. for jointly purchased items you can buy each other out for who wants the items. i left a common law relationship of 10 years where we had bought a house together and he paid me out for my share of all the things we bought together that he wanted to keep.
you must think of you and what is best for you in this situation, not all ah are super bad people and that’s what makes it hard but you’re the one you are with the rest of your life and she deserves better.
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nta - but you have a much bigger issue than a tree. your “boyfriend” is a grown man who doesn’t help you maintain or decorate the home you both live in, has a bad attitude, and just doesn’t pull his weight in the relationship or treat you like you deserve. unless there is a lot about him unsaid that he does bring to the table this doesn’t seem like a relationship worth keeping. age gap alone is a red flag but the lack of empathy and respect demonstrated is a bigger one.
christmas doesn’t appear to actually be important either since they don’t joyfully participate but just want to enjoy someone else’s work.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so for reference my bf (m27) and i (f20)live in my home, recently his sister (f25) and her two toddlers have also moved in with us. it’s been really rough and our relationship has been on the rocks for awhile. today he made the comment “guess who is gonna be putting up the tree today?” i asked who… he said “obviously you since it’s your house”. i didn’t agree and honestly it kind of annoyed be but i just laughed it off. for past knowledge i bought my home when i was 18, about 8 months before i met him. he likes to use this against me and says it’s my house i should do everything to take care of it such as chores, etc… it’s always bothered me so much. later in the evening we were all sitting in the living room and hey looked at me and said “hey you should go get the christmas tree and decorations from the shed” i didn’t realize he was serious until he said it was my house and my tree. i’d also like to add we have been in the middle of a blizzard for the past week and temperatures are below freezing and windy. i just said “okay meet you out there”. i got all bundled up and went out to the shed… and guess who never came out? i ended up having to take the tree in first, they both watched me bring them in and then just looked away and kept watching t.v. then i made another trip and brought in all the decorations. this time when i came in he said “well you forgot part so you need to go back”. i got frustrated and started looking for a flashlight because now it’s pitch black outside and my phone died. the my bf yelled from the couch at me and said “if you’re gonna keep acting that miserable we’re not gonna do this”. i just looked over and said “you have your gf going outside in a blizzard getting christmas decorations for your family and your not helping, it’s freezing and slick outside!”. his sister just watched, and he got upset and walked away. i ended up going back out there to look for the missing piece, i spent about 15 minutes looking for it and didn’t find it so i went back inside. they had already started while i was out there, i looked at my phone once i got to the charger and he texted me that i didn’t miss a piece. now i’m in the room while they are putting up the and decorating the tree and he is upset with me for not helping. i also want to add i have several chronic pain disorders and nerve issues, my body doesn’t do good in the cold at all and i’m sore for days after. i know christmas is important to his family and i feel guilty for missing out. but he made me so upset. *little update, i woke up this morning and came out to find out they didn’t even out it up! he literally brought them all back out in the shed and is now blaming me his family won’t have a tree !🤬*
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so for reference my bf (m27) and i (f20)live in my home, recently his sister (f25) and her two toddlers have also moved in with us. it’s been really rough and our relationship has been on the rocks for awhile. today he made the comment “guess who is gonna be putting up the tree today?” i asked who… he said “obviously you since it’s your house”. i didn’t agree and honestly it kind of annoyed be but i just laughed it off. for past knowledge i bought my home when i was 18, about 8 months before i met him. he likes to use this against me and says it’s my house i should do everything to take care of it such as chores, etc… it’s always bothered me so much. later in the evening we were all sitting in the living room and hey looked at me and said “hey you should go get the christmas tree and decorations from the shed” i didn’t realize he was serious until he said it was my house and my tree. i’d also like to add we have been in the middle of a blizzard for the past week and temperatures are below freezing and windy. i just said “okay meet you out there”. i got all bundled up and went out to the shed… and guess who never came out? i ended up having to take the tree in first, they both watched me bring them in and then just looked away and kept watching t.v. then i made another trip and brought in all the decorations. this time when i came in he said “well you forgot part so you need to go back”. i got frustrated and started looking for a flashlight because now it’s pitch black outside and my phone died. the my bf yelled from the couch at me and said “if you’re gonna keep acting that miserable we’re not gonna do this”. i just looked over and said “you have your gf going outside in a blizzard getting christmas decorations for your family and your not helping, it’s freezing and slick outside!”. his sister just watched, and he got upset and walked away. i ended up going back out there to look for the missing piece, i spent about 15 minutes looking for it and didn’t find it so i went back inside. they had already started while i was out there, i looked at my phone once i got to the charger and he texted me that i didn’t miss a piece. now i’m in the room while they are putting up the and decorating the tree and he is upset with me for not helping. i also want to add i have several chronic pain disorders and nerve issues, my body doesn’t do good in the cold at all and i’m sore for days after. i know christmas is important to his family and i feel guilty for missing out. but he made me so upset. *little update, i woke up this morning and came out to find out they didn’t even out it up! he literally brought them all back out in the shed and is now blaming me his family won’t have a tree !🤬* [/INST] nta, why are you with someone who is treating you like this? i understand chronic pain and him to act like this is crazy, especially if he knows. he should’ve helped even if it you didn’t have the pain. you need to stand up for yourself though and be firm and an advocate for yourself or this will not get any better. he is already showing you how he will treat you and his family is following suit. </s>
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AITA for refusing to pet sit for my uncle after his outburst last time?
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i (22f) have an uncle (j) who has a 10 year old american bulldog (spike). my uncle who works in construction occasionally has to work out of the state so he asks one of us to watch his dog for the week(s) he's away. he pays 200 dollars to have us walk, feed, bath, clean up after and take spike to his appointments. the person also has to check up on him at least twice a day. so i've almost always pet sat for him since he got spike until abiut 2 years ago. i'd been watching spike at his house when i got a call from my mom asking if i could pick up my brother from our aunts house. i agreed and put spike outback in the backyard while i was away dropping my brother off. i'd not been gone more than 10 or 15 minutes when i came back and saw my uncles car in his driveway. i'd gone to the backyard to see if he was there only to have him yell at me from across the yard. spike had gotten out of the yard and gone into a shallow muddy creek behind the fence. apparently my uncle had assumed i'd left him there on purpose. he was yelling and cursing up a storm when he threatened to call the police and have me arrested for animal neglect. i didn't have the patience to deal with him so i left. i didn't get paid either.
now, this morning i got a call from my uncle asking if i could dog sit spike next week as he was going out of state for the first time in 2 years. i said no. he laughed and told me to stop joking when i told him i want joking. he demanded i tell him why since he'd cleared with my mother that i wouldnjave time to dog sit. i told him that he shouldn't have asked my mom (even tho i live with here) about my schedule as i'm an adult. i also told him that last time i dog sat he threatened to calm the police on me without even asking why or how spike had gotten out. i then said i would dog sit for him again since he has a terrible temper and immediately jumps to conclusions before asking anyone what has happened. i hung up before storming towards my mother and told her never to tell anyone that asks her about my schedule ever again that i am and adult and they can ask me. she agreed but asked if i was going to dog sit which i replied no. she asked why and i told her it's not her business. later that night she pulled me aside to ask me if i was still upset about what had happen 2 years prior. i told her yes and to drop the subject. she said ok only after saying if was wrong of me to hold a grudge over something so childish. do reddit aita?
| 218 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p5mf6w/aita_for_refusing_to_pet_sit_for_my_uncle_after/
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2021-08-16 18:50:08
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nta you are owed an apology for his behavior (as well as $200) and refusing to be treated like crap is not holding a grudge, it a sign you know how people are supposed to behave. your uncle was the childish one, not you. if your mom has a problem with it, she can pet sit herself.
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nta...you can say "no thanks" for any reason you want. it's really nobody's business why.
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nta. they are guilting you out of something like convenience (not exactly convenient if you have to force someone) and personal opinion of how you should conduct yourself.
they seem to still see you as a child (i.e. asking your mother before asking you and her agreeing for you) either that, or he was trying to force your hand by asking her first which is obviously not okay, and means that he knew you would not agree to do it.
i certainly wouldn’t do it. especially since he never apologized.
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nta.
he threatened to call the police on you, for likely a hole that already existed, and a dog that obviously knew how to use it. he owes you 200$ and a serious apology, and before i’d do anything for him, a change of behavior. time does not magically absolve people of their wrong doings.
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[deleted]
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nta - no point doing favours for people who are so ungrateful for them, he can get a professional sitter or a kennel.
and you don't owe anyone an explanation "no" is a complete sentence.
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nta. and it isn't "holding a grudge" if he never apologized and paid you.
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you can ask for the money he owes you. and you can tell your mother that he didn't pay his bill last time so there's no reason for you to work for free again.
nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (22f) have an uncle (j) who has a 10 year old american bulldog (spike). my uncle who works in construction occasionally has to work out of the state so he asks one of us to watch his dog for the week(s) he's away. he pays 200 dollars to have us walk, feed, bath, clean up after and take spike to his appointments. the person also has to check up on him at least twice a day. so i've almost always pet sat for him since he got spike until abiut 2 years ago. i'd been watching spike at his house when i got a call from my mom asking if i could pick up my brother from our aunts house. i agreed and put spike outback in the backyard while i was away dropping my brother off. i'd not been gone more than 10 or 15 minutes when i came back and saw my uncles car in his driveway. i'd gone to the backyard to see if he was there only to have him yell at me from across the yard. spike had gotten out of the yard and gone into a shallow muddy creek behind the fence. apparently my uncle had assumed i'd left him there on purpose. he was yelling and cursing up a storm when he threatened to call the police and have me arrested for animal neglect. i didn't have the patience to deal with him so i left. i didn't get paid either. now, this morning i got a call from my uncle asking if i could dog sit spike next week as he was going out of state for the first time in 2 years. i said no. he laughed and told me to stop joking when i told him i want joking. he demanded i tell him why since he'd cleared with my mother that i wouldnjave time to dog sit. i told him that he shouldn't have asked my mom (even tho i live with here) about my schedule as i'm an adult. i also told him that last time i dog sat he threatened to calm the police on me without even asking why or how spike had gotten out. i then said i would dog sit for him again since he has a terrible temper and immediately jumps to conclusions before asking anyone what has happened. i hung up before storming towards my mother and told her never to tell anyone that asks her about my schedule ever again that i am and adult and they can ask me. she agreed but asked if i was going to dog sit which i replied no. she asked why and i told her it's not her business. later that night she pulled me aside to ask me if i was still upset about what had happen 2 years prior. i told her yes and to drop the subject. she said ok only after saying if was wrong of me to hold a grudge over something so childish. do reddit aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (22f) have an uncle (j) who has a 10 year old american bulldog (spike). my uncle who works in construction occasionally has to work out of the state so he asks one of us to watch his dog for the week(s) he's away. he pays 200 dollars to have us walk, feed, bath, clean up after and take spike to his appointments. the person also has to check up on him at least twice a day. so i've almost always pet sat for him since he got spike until abiut 2 years ago. i'd been watching spike at his house when i got a call from my mom asking if i could pick up my brother from our aunts house. i agreed and put spike outback in the backyard while i was away dropping my brother off. i'd not been gone more than 10 or 15 minutes when i came back and saw my uncles car in his driveway. i'd gone to the backyard to see if he was there only to have him yell at me from across the yard. spike had gotten out of the yard and gone into a shallow muddy creek behind the fence. apparently my uncle had assumed i'd left him there on purpose. he was yelling and cursing up a storm when he threatened to call the police and have me arrested for animal neglect. i didn't have the patience to deal with him so i left. i didn't get paid either. now, this morning i got a call from my uncle asking if i could dog sit spike next week as he was going out of state for the first time in 2 years. i said no. he laughed and told me to stop joking when i told him i want joking. he demanded i tell him why since he'd cleared with my mother that i wouldnjave time to dog sit. i told him that he shouldn't have asked my mom (even tho i live with here) about my schedule as i'm an adult. i also told him that last time i dog sat he threatened to calm the police on me without even asking why or how spike had gotten out. i then said i would dog sit for him again since he has a terrible temper and immediately jumps to conclusions before asking anyone what has happened. i hung up before storming towards my mother and told her never to tell anyone that asks her about my schedule ever again that i am and adult and they can ask me. she agreed but asked if i was going to dog sit which i replied no. she asked why and i told her it's not her business. later that night she pulled me aside to ask me if i was still upset about what had happen 2 years prior. i told her yes and to drop the subject. she said ok only after saying if was wrong of me to hold a grudge over something so childish. do reddit aita? [/INST] nta you are owed an apology for his behavior (as well as $200) and refusing to be treated like crap is not holding a grudge, it a sign you know how people are supposed to behave. your uncle was the childish one, not you. if your mom has a problem with it, she can pet sit herself. </s>
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AITA for rejecting my mom’s decorations for homecoming of my baby boy?
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i’m 37 weeks pregnant today and went to see my mom an hour drive away for one last time before i wait around for baby to come. she had asked me for a key to my house as she wanted to be there when my husband and i return from the hospital. when i tell her i did not have the key, she smiled and said she had a surprise but since i didn’t have a key, she gave me decor items to put up outside my own home for welcoming baby. a big loud garden flag, 2 long banners to flank the front door and garlands of flowers.
i immediately got really sad-upset and burst into tears. it seemed like a big reaction to a few cheap outdoor decor items, but i’m a very modest and private person and we have totally differente tastes. tbh, the decor she chose i felt was loud, corny and tacky from a design standpoint. this makes me feel even more like an asshole because i’m getting all snobby about fonts and design. i didn’t say i thought they were tacky, just that it’s not like me to put out decor to broadcast to the neighborhood. i hate that i think this way and i hate myself for not just graciously accepting and displaying them how she would, but this isn’t nearly the first time my mom has imposed on me.
it mostly feels like she pushes what she wants on my major life events. i opted for a chill dinner show instead of a bridal shower, and she came with a tiara and sash with led lights for me to wear at the restaurant. for my wedding, i had to put a stop to her ideas for my wedding. of the many examples, we had a chill playlist for the reception, but she insisted for weeks that we play “pump up the jam” by technotronic?? with our child’s nursery and clothing, i decided on a color scheme of mint green and gray with bears, because one of his names literally means bear in latin. i told her no blue as i don’t like the whole blue=boys/pink=girls thing. she ignored me completely and bought a ton of baby clothes and items in blue, with dogs and ducks. she asked if i had chosen a name, didn’t give me a chance to respond and shouted/insisted frederick. needless to say she was not pleased with the name my husband and i chose for him 3 years ago. she has since not said his name correctly once. all this is on top of decades since adolescence where she ignores my personal aesthetic and buys me things completely not my style, just because she liked them for herself.
my mom doesn’t get angry. she always says “ok i can return it, no big deal!” or “oh i just would like to see you in something like this instead of what you always wear!” and she moves on. but this really has worn me down for so long. i appreciate all she has done for me, even though i feel like they are more for her. but every single time i beat myself up and hate myself a little more. she doesn’t really guilt trip me, but i guilt trip myself. i’ve cried for half the day really believing i’m an asshole. my husband says i’m not and my reactions are correct, albeit overreactions. anyway, am i an asshole?
| 187 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hyysec/aita_for_rejecting_my_moms_decorations_for/
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2020-07-27 19:16:27
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nta. i'm sure your mom has good intentions, but she's trying to dominate your choices and it's completely reasonable that you would feel frustrated about it. i hope all goes well, good luck with your pregnancy, and don't cry - you're not an asshole!
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. your mom has a serious problem of forcing you to undergo her 'surprises" which are more harmful that pleasant to you. and you seem to be severely affected by that .
you definitely need to have a talk with her and tell her to stop for once and for all.. you are definitely nta here.
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nah - there’s really no conflict here - she’s trying to do something nice by giving you some decorations, it wasn’t to your taste and you said no thanks. she didn’t react poorly.
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nta
years of her forcing gifts and ideas onto you aside, announcing to the world via decorations "hey!! there's a newborn baby in this house!!" is probably a bad idea anyway
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nta. my mom does the same type of things and after 42 years i've learned to just ignore the passive aggressive "suggestions" when they start. it's never anything huge, just tons and tons of little stuff that adds up. kind of like paper cuts, they don't seem bad at first but hurt like hell.
two sayings that i have taken to heart that have helped me and may help you are
1. our parents installed all our buttons and know which ones to push and
2. there is such a thing as death by a thousand paper cuts.
just do your thing, live your life and realize that you are your own person.
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nta congrats, op, hoping everything else goes smoothly here on out
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nta. at some point after the baby's first months when you're able to sleep full nights again, it would be a good idea to sit down with your mother over a good meal and discuss the pattern you've described at this thread.
might be helpful to bring in an ally such as the husband for this conversation. she's misnaming your child? whew. that's well over the line.
it's justifiably upsetting that you've had to fend off unwelcome surprises at so many of your major life events. see if you can work out a better arrangement, such as *no surprises*.
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m 37 weeks pregnant today and went to see my mom an hour drive away for one last time before i wait around for baby to come. she had asked me for a key to my house as she wanted to be there when my husband and i return from the hospital. when i tell her i did not have the key, she smiled and said she had a surprise but since i didn’t have a key, she gave me decor items to put up outside my own home for welcoming baby. a big loud garden flag, 2 long banners to flank the front door and garlands of flowers. i immediately got really sad-upset and burst into tears. it seemed like a big reaction to a few cheap outdoor decor items, but i’m a very modest and private person and we have totally differente tastes. tbh, the decor she chose i felt was loud, corny and tacky from a design standpoint. this makes me feel even more like an asshole because i’m getting all snobby about fonts and design. i didn’t say i thought they were tacky, just that it’s not like me to put out decor to broadcast to the neighborhood. i hate that i think this way and i hate myself for not just graciously accepting and displaying them how she would, but this isn’t nearly the first time my mom has imposed on me. it mostly feels like she pushes what she wants on my major life events. i opted for a chill dinner show instead of a bridal shower, and she came with a tiara and sash with led lights for me to wear at the restaurant. for my wedding, i had to put a stop to her ideas for my wedding. of the many examples, we had a chill playlist for the reception, but she insisted for weeks that we play “pump up the jam” by technotronic?? with our child’s nursery and clothing, i decided on a color scheme of mint green and gray with bears, because one of his names literally means bear in latin. i told her no blue as i don’t like the whole blue=boys/pink=girls thing. she ignored me completely and bought a ton of baby clothes and items in blue, with dogs and ducks. she asked if i had chosen a name, didn’t give me a chance to respond and shouted/insisted frederick. needless to say she was not pleased with the name my husband and i chose for him 3 years ago. she has since not said his name correctly once. all this is on top of decades since adolescence where she ignores my personal aesthetic and buys me things completely not my style, just because she liked them for herself. my mom doesn’t get angry. she always says “ok i can return it, no big deal!” or “oh i just would like to see you in something like this instead of what you always wear!” and she moves on. but this really has worn me down for so long. i appreciate all she has done for me, even though i feel like they are more for her. but every single time i beat myself up and hate myself a little more. she doesn’t really guilt trip me, but i guilt trip myself. i’ve cried for half the day really believing i’m an asshole. my husband says i’m not and my reactions are correct, albeit overreactions. anyway, am i an asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m 37 weeks pregnant today and went to see my mom an hour drive away for one last time before i wait around for baby to come. she had asked me for a key to my house as she wanted to be there when my husband and i return from the hospital. when i tell her i did not have the key, she smiled and said she had a surprise but since i didn’t have a key, she gave me decor items to put up outside my own home for welcoming baby. a big loud garden flag, 2 long banners to flank the front door and garlands of flowers. i immediately got really sad-upset and burst into tears. it seemed like a big reaction to a few cheap outdoor decor items, but i’m a very modest and private person and we have totally differente tastes. tbh, the decor she chose i felt was loud, corny and tacky from a design standpoint. this makes me feel even more like an asshole because i’m getting all snobby about fonts and design. i didn’t say i thought they were tacky, just that it’s not like me to put out decor to broadcast to the neighborhood. i hate that i think this way and i hate myself for not just graciously accepting and displaying them how she would, but this isn’t nearly the first time my mom has imposed on me. it mostly feels like she pushes what she wants on my major life events. i opted for a chill dinner show instead of a bridal shower, and she came with a tiara and sash with led lights for me to wear at the restaurant. for my wedding, i had to put a stop to her ideas for my wedding. of the many examples, we had a chill playlist for the reception, but she insisted for weeks that we play “pump up the jam” by technotronic?? with our child’s nursery and clothing, i decided on a color scheme of mint green and gray with bears, because one of his names literally means bear in latin. i told her no blue as i don’t like the whole blue=boys/pink=girls thing. she ignored me completely and bought a ton of baby clothes and items in blue, with dogs and ducks. she asked if i had chosen a name, didn’t give me a chance to respond and shouted/insisted frederick. needless to say she was not pleased with the name my husband and i chose for him 3 years ago. she has since not said his name correctly once. all this is on top of decades since adolescence where she ignores my personal aesthetic and buys me things completely not my style, just because she liked them for herself. my mom doesn’t get angry. she always says “ok i can return it, no big deal!” or “oh i just would like to see you in something like this instead of what you always wear!” and she moves on. but this really has worn me down for so long. i appreciate all she has done for me, even though i feel like they are more for her. but every single time i beat myself up and hate myself a little more. she doesn’t really guilt trip me, but i guilt trip myself. i’ve cried for half the day really believing i’m an asshole. my husband says i’m not and my reactions are correct, albeit overreactions. anyway, am i an asshole? [/INST] nta. i'm sure your mom has good intentions, but she's trying to dominate your choices and it's completely reasonable that you would feel frustrated about it. i hope all goes well, good luck with your pregnancy, and don't cry - you're not an asshole! </s>
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AITA for paying for my dog’s ACL surgery but not my son’s?
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i know the title sounds bad but hear me out i (57f) have a beloved yellow lab (5f) and a son (26m).
last year my poor puppy girl tore one of her acls while we were out on a hike. seeing my poor girl limp broke my heart and the vet told me the only option was acl surgery. i of course paid the 15k to get her fixed up despite it being a pretty big strain on my finances but honestly my dog’s health comes first.
my son is a successful kid for the most part. he works full time and lives on his own. he just recently turned 26 and i told him numerous times he is going to need to get his own health insurance as he’s not allowed to be in mine anymore. he kept telling me he knew this and would handle it.
well last weekend my son was playing in one of his soccer games and he got into a bad accident on the field and ended up tearing his acl. he is now demanding i help pay for his surgery because of course he couldn’t send one email to hr to enroll in his workplace’s health insurance. he says this is my fault for not reminding him he’s not on my insurance any more enough.
i want to help him but honestly we have no idea what this will end up costing and i’m still pretty strapped from my sweet puppy girl’s surgery last year, plus the hubs and i would like to retire in a few years and i’m not sure we can do that if we take on who knows how much medical debt.
my husband agrees with my but the rest of my family is blowing up my phone and saying i’m a huge asshole for not paying for the same surgery for my son that i have paid for for my dog. so reddit aita?
| 2,051 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x3jgze/aita_for_paying_for_my_dogs_acl_surgery_but_not/
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2022-09-01 21:42:05
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nta
firstly, your dog didn’t have the option of getting her own health insurance. your son being too lazy to send one email is not your problem to fix.
if your family are so worried about your son’s surgery then they can pony up the cash for it.
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nta- he is now an adult l. if he just turned 26 he can apply for cobra under your insurance but he’s paying the full amount. at issue is that he waited and didn’t get insurance right away so he has a gap and this now considered pre existing and won’t be paid under his new insurance. will definitely be cheaper than completely out of pocket and he pays for it
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nta, but you got ripped off on your dog’s surgery. tplo on my large dog in 2020 only cost me $4k.
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nta you didn't choose one or the other, the dog tore it first and you paid for the surgery. you expected your son to have his own health insurance through work.
if you would have *chosen* the dog over your son because the surgeries were at the same time and you could only afford one i would see your son's frustration more. but this is a year later and you can't afford it.
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nta, your son should have gotten on his company's health insurance. all that said, do not ever, ever turn around and ask him for financial help on anything ever. don't expect him to help you when you're much older. you have set the precedent, don't try and pull surprised pikachu face later in life.
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15k is an absurd amount to spend on acl surgery for the record. i’ve had this done to many dogs in some of the highest cost of living places in the country and even if it’s both knees, that is crazy high.
anyways nta but letting that go untreated could be a night mare. idk. tough situation but i’d probably handle it the same way.
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this just sucks. i'm of 2 minds about it. to me- the dog is irrelevant in the calculus of what's right here. the problem i have with your son is 1) he didn't handle his business and 2) and this one might be worse...he's blaming you for it.
my inclination is to tell you that you ought to help him, he's your son. but i'm not sure i could do it without him at least saying "fuck, you were right, i really should have handled this, i'm so so sorry for putting you in this position" see, now i'm looking for shit to sell to help cover the bill.
i'm going to go with nta up until the point that he at least learns the lesson that he is a grown ass man and ought to handle his own business and not plan on mommy and daddy bailing his irresponsible ass out- particularly at some significant cost to their retirement.
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nta - not sure if your family have noticed, but your dog isn’t able to take out her own insurance policy. you take on the responsibility of caring for their needs when you bring them into your home. your adult son on the other hand is more than capable, especially after you have already told him to take out his own policy more than once.
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nta.
he didn't "forget" to enroll - he just didn't want to take the financial hit to his paycheck because health insurance is stupidly expensive. he knew, he told you he knew with his words, and he's just unhappy with the very unfortunate consequences of a decision he made.
like many young folks, he probably thought health insurance was a waste of money. which it absolutely is, until you need it. because we live in the dumbest of countries.
the real asshole here is the american for-profit healthcare system. your son is slightly asshole-ish for trying to deflect blame onto you, and every relative blowing up your phone should just be told that the only way you will listen to them bitch is at the rate of $100 per 10 minutes, payable directly into a fund to help your son get his uninsured surgery.
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nta. he's an adult, not a dependent like your dog. and he has access to health insurance but was too immature to fill out a form with hr.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i know the title sounds bad but hear me out i (57f) have a beloved yellow lab (5f) and a son (26m). last year my poor puppy girl tore one of her acls while we were out on a hike. seeing my poor girl limp broke my heart and the vet told me the only option was acl surgery. i of course paid the 15k to get her fixed up despite it being a pretty big strain on my finances but honestly my dog’s health comes first. my son is a successful kid for the most part. he works full time and lives on his own. he just recently turned 26 and i told him numerous times he is going to need to get his own health insurance as he’s not allowed to be in mine anymore. he kept telling me he knew this and would handle it. well last weekend my son was playing in one of his soccer games and he got into a bad accident on the field and ended up tearing his acl. he is now demanding i help pay for his surgery because of course he couldn’t send one email to hr to enroll in his workplace’s health insurance. he says this is my fault for not reminding him he’s not on my insurance any more enough. i want to help him but honestly we have no idea what this will end up costing and i’m still pretty strapped from my sweet puppy girl’s surgery last year, plus the hubs and i would like to retire in a few years and i’m not sure we can do that if we take on who knows how much medical debt. my husband agrees with my but the rest of my family is blowing up my phone and saying i’m a huge asshole for not paying for the same surgery for my son that i have paid for for my dog. so reddit aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i know the title sounds bad but hear me out i (57f) have a beloved yellow lab (5f) and a son (26m). last year my poor puppy girl tore one of her acls while we were out on a hike. seeing my poor girl limp broke my heart and the vet told me the only option was acl surgery. i of course paid the 15k to get her fixed up despite it being a pretty big strain on my finances but honestly my dog’s health comes first. my son is a successful kid for the most part. he works full time and lives on his own. he just recently turned 26 and i told him numerous times he is going to need to get his own health insurance as he’s not allowed to be in mine anymore. he kept telling me he knew this and would handle it. well last weekend my son was playing in one of his soccer games and he got into a bad accident on the field and ended up tearing his acl. he is now demanding i help pay for his surgery because of course he couldn’t send one email to hr to enroll in his workplace’s health insurance. he says this is my fault for not reminding him he’s not on my insurance any more enough. i want to help him but honestly we have no idea what this will end up costing and i’m still pretty strapped from my sweet puppy girl’s surgery last year, plus the hubs and i would like to retire in a few years and i’m not sure we can do that if we take on who knows how much medical debt. my husband agrees with my but the rest of my family is blowing up my phone and saying i’m a huge asshole for not paying for the same surgery for my son that i have paid for for my dog. so reddit aita? [/INST] nta firstly, your dog didn’t have the option of getting her own health insurance. your son being too lazy to send one email is not your problem to fix. if your family are so worried about your son’s surgery then they can pony up the cash for it. </s>
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AITA for refusing to acknowledge my former sitter's email?
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my son had a sitter from age 7 to 11 and the guy was like a father-figure during those years. my son started middle school and it became clear he didn't need a sitter so i let him go. yes, it made me sad but it was what it was. this was seven months ago.
recently, he sent me an email asking me how my son was doing. he told me that was great he was doing fine. he wrote that he felt that i treated him like shit the entire time that he worked for me.
he listed several points like how i didn't give him a raise the whole he worked for us (i overpaid him for other stuff though) and how we didn't ask him to go to our son's school activities (i didn't even know he'd want to go).
i told him i had no idea and he wrote how he stayed as long as he did because he cared that much for our son and it was messed up we didn't see that.
i don't want him to feel like we were bad to him and in hindsight he really cared about our son but i also find his email childish.
| 309 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nl41ie/aita_for_refusing_to_acknowledge_my_former/
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2021-05-26 00:27:03
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nta - this is what the phrase "i'm sorry you feel that way" was meant for
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nta! i am getting such creeper vibes out of this. it's just.... weird. don't engage. just be damn sure he isn't on any sort of old permission lists at your son's school. no pickups permitted. update that stuff right away.
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nta
he should have brought up those issues when he was working for you. i strongly advise you to block his emails. they're getting toxic and i'd think twice before recommending him to anyone.
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nta. he was the _sitter_ - as in **paid help**, not family. okay, nice guy father figure and all that; still doesn't mean he has any justification for an email like that - particularly after so long. from what you've said, i'm actually getting a little bit of a creepy vibe.
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nta for ignoring the second one. what is he looking for and why now? borderline creepy.
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nta. that is some weird stuff there. if he had issues he should have brought them up. if he wanted to be involved he should have said so.
also, "hey, how are you, i miss your kid like crazy, i'm doing well but you treated me like garbage." pick a topic dude. those are some very different messages to put into 1 email.
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nah. super weird that he emailed out of nowhere but honestly if your nanny says you were a jerk honestly you probably kind of were, whether you realize it or not. i say that having been a nanny to 5-6 families over years.
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question. you didn't give him a raise in four years? 4 years is too long to go without a raise. i know you claim that you overpaid him for other things but i'd be very curious what you think those overpayments were.
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nta
he said what he wanted. that doesn't put any obligation on you. best just ignore it.
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don’t engage with this guy anymore. it’s super creepy. nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my son had a sitter from age 7 to 11 and the guy was like a father-figure during those years. my son started middle school and it became clear he didn't need a sitter so i let him go. yes, it made me sad but it was what it was. this was seven months ago. recently, he sent me an email asking me how my son was doing. he told me that was great he was doing fine. he wrote that he felt that i treated him like shit the entire time that he worked for me. he listed several points like how i didn't give him a raise the whole he worked for us (i overpaid him for other stuff though) and how we didn't ask him to go to our son's school activities (i didn't even know he'd want to go). i told him i had no idea and he wrote how he stayed as long as he did because he cared that much for our son and it was messed up we didn't see that. i don't want him to feel like we were bad to him and in hindsight he really cared about our son but i also find his email childish.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my son had a sitter from age 7 to 11 and the guy was like a father-figure during those years. my son started middle school and it became clear he didn't need a sitter so i let him go. yes, it made me sad but it was what it was. this was seven months ago. recently, he sent me an email asking me how my son was doing. he told me that was great he was doing fine. he wrote that he felt that i treated him like shit the entire time that he worked for me. he listed several points like how i didn't give him a raise the whole he worked for us (i overpaid him for other stuff though) and how we didn't ask him to go to our son's school activities (i didn't even know he'd want to go). i told him i had no idea and he wrote how he stayed as long as he did because he cared that much for our son and it was messed up we didn't see that. i don't want him to feel like we were bad to him and in hindsight he really cared about our son but i also find his email childish. [/INST] nta - this is what the phrase "i'm sorry you feel that way" was meant for </s>
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AITA for telling my classmate to help the kids in Africa themself?
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so the title sounds weird i know, but it’s a point in the conversation. so i was at school and i’m still getting shit from some of my classmates for this and this was on wednesday. but it was senior week for and we’re in the 8th grade. i’m 14f and so is the classmate is in question. but they were giving out muffins and i took one because i needed to eat something because i had taken an ibuprofen. and i stopped eating my muffin for like two minutes because i was talking with a friend and my classmate goes “oh make sure you finish that, there’s kids starving in africa.” and so i tell her like i know but i’m in the middle of a conversation right now. and she was like “yeah i can see that but there’s kids in africa starving right now and you wasting food isn’t going to help them.” so i told her like there’s starving kids everywhere not just africa.
she then tells me that i’m a bad person because i’m wasting food, and that i’m trying to make the starving kids in africa seem like a smaller problem than what it was. keep in mind i was talking something completely unrelated to starving kids. so i told her “if it’s such a big thing to you why don’t you help the starving kids in africa? and just so you know not everyone in africa is impoverished, it’s a beautiful place to see.” she then got upset and said “oh i don’t have anything to give them.” so i was just like send them your food then, you’re obviously done with yours.
multiple classmates told me i was taking it too far. aita for what i said?
| 670 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vgag88/aita_for_telling_my_classmate_to_help_the_kids_in/
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2022-06-20 02:08:40
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nta. your classmate started this, and in truth, your muffin wasn't going to make a difference to a starving child in africa or anywhere else. america has 12 million starving children, and we waste 108 billion pounds of food per year.
your classmate was sticking her nose in something that wasn't her business. all you did was beat her at her own game.
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clearly nta. this classmate of yours sure is an entitled prick
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nta. and you were right, poverty exists everywhere. she was repeating a line passed down over the years about starving children in africa, one of those things parents say when their kids won’t eat their dinner. poverty, malnourishment, and poor housing conditions aren’t limited to a single nation, or continent. apparently other countries have advertisements and such for starving kids in america, too.
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nta that was funny and she shouldve just minded her own business instead of putting herself into ur convo
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as an african, your friend is offensive. i am not only offended, i am hundred percent confused as to what your food has to do with our issues as a continent? thank you for bringing up the point that the people starving everywhere and usa is not the exception. and even if they aren’t literally starving the amount of people who are malnourished in the usa are also astonishing.
nta
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to be honest, if we’re gonna be technical; not finishing the muffin is more likely to help the starving kids than finishing it.
if you eat it, then it is consumed. if you throw it away, there is an infinitesimally small chance that it may somehow make its way to a starving child in africa.
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nta - the africa argument has never cut it lol
(tho i will say this: africa is not a place, but a full on continent with like 50+ countries)
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so the title sounds weird i know, but it’s a point in the conversation. so i was at school and i’m still getting shit from some of my classmates for this and this was on wednesday. but it was senior week for and we’re in the 8th grade. i’m 14f and so is the classmate is in question. but they were giving out muffins and i took one because i needed to eat something because i had taken an ibuprofen. and i stopped eating my muffin for like two minutes because i was talking with a friend and my classmate goes “oh make sure you finish that, there’s kids starving in africa.” and so i tell her like i know but i’m in the middle of a conversation right now. and she was like “yeah i can see that but there’s kids in africa starving right now and you wasting food isn’t going to help them.” so i told her like there’s starving kids everywhere not just africa. she then tells me that i’m a bad person because i’m wasting food, and that i’m trying to make the starving kids in africa seem like a smaller problem than what it was. keep in mind i was talking something completely unrelated to starving kids. so i told her “if it’s such a big thing to you why don’t you help the starving kids in africa? and just so you know not everyone in africa is impoverished, it’s a beautiful place to see.” she then got upset and said “oh i don’t have anything to give them.” so i was just like send them your food then, you’re obviously done with yours. multiple classmates told me i was taking it too far. aita for what i said?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so the title sounds weird i know, but it’s a point in the conversation. so i was at school and i’m still getting shit from some of my classmates for this and this was on wednesday. but it was senior week for and we’re in the 8th grade. i’m 14f and so is the classmate is in question. but they were giving out muffins and i took one because i needed to eat something because i had taken an ibuprofen. and i stopped eating my muffin for like two minutes because i was talking with a friend and my classmate goes “oh make sure you finish that, there’s kids starving in africa.” and so i tell her like i know but i’m in the middle of a conversation right now. and she was like “yeah i can see that but there’s kids in africa starving right now and you wasting food isn’t going to help them.” so i told her like there’s starving kids everywhere not just africa. she then tells me that i’m a bad person because i’m wasting food, and that i’m trying to make the starving kids in africa seem like a smaller problem than what it was. keep in mind i was talking something completely unrelated to starving kids. so i told her “if it’s such a big thing to you why don’t you help the starving kids in africa? and just so you know not everyone in africa is impoverished, it’s a beautiful place to see.” she then got upset and said “oh i don’t have anything to give them.” so i was just like send them your food then, you’re obviously done with yours. multiple classmates told me i was taking it too far. aita for what i said? [/INST] nta. your classmate started this, and in truth, your muffin wasn't going to make a difference to a starving child in africa or anywhere else. america has 12 million starving children, and we waste 108 billion pounds of food per year. your classmate was sticking her nose in something that wasn't her business. all you did was beat her at her own game. </s>
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AITA for telling my parents to stop using my son as their emotional support animal?
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on mobile, sorry about any formatting/autocorrect.
a bit of background:
i had my first son at 22, i am now 24 and expecting kid #2. my relationship with my parents can be strained at times and my childhood was less than ideal. my parents are also of poor health due to their poor lifestyle choices and *habits* in the 80's and 90's. i bring my son by for a visit 1-2x a week.
much like the title suggests, i told my parents to stop treating my son as their emotional support animal. they constantly video call, waking me up at all times of day (i'm a night shift worker), demand to see my son, and get up-in-arms if we go out of town. make no mistake, i'm glad that they love my child, however many of their comments rub me the wrong way. my mother refers to my son as "her baby". she has stated on multiple occasions "now that you're having another baby, you can just let me keep [son]." yesterday, my father calls me and states, "you need to bring [son] to see your mother, he makes her feel better." this is where the title comes into play.
my parents have been known to overstep my boundaries with my son. my mom kept attempting to enter the delivery room while i was actively pushing out my son. i had made it known that my husband was the only visitor i wanted during that time. the nurse had to threaten her with security multiple times. my father would constantly log into our video baby monitor from his house to watch my son while he slept.
my husband feels that my response was justified and agrees that my parents try to treat our son like their "do-over kid." so aita in this situation?
| 2,606 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pufqw6/aita_for_telling_my_parents_to_stop_using_my_son/
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2021-09-24 08:50:38
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nta
i hope you changed the login for your video monitor. that is such a huge violation.
i wouldn’t allow them any unsupervised time with your children. i have a strong feeling that if they got the chance they would be practicing parental alienation. saying things like, “mommy isn’t going to have time for you when the new baby arrives but granny will always love you best.”
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nta- you need to make strict boundaries that both you and your husband stick too. set up a schedule that x and y days are when the kids will visit. unless there's a crisis, calling on you while sleeping will not be tolerated and their numbers will be blocked. next time you go into labor, you will not call them until after the birth.
the whole "my baby" thing is creepy. correct them and either say "you mean my/our (if husband is there) baby?" or "that's sweet of you to say about me"
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nta. your husband said exactly what is happening. if there is a difference in they way that they are treating your son compared to the way that they use to treat you, then it gets messed up. however, if it is the same, then they may just have some boundary issues. still, they are being a bit overly attached to your son a bit too much. near helecopter parent level. infact, i would start limiting thier co tact with him a bit because they may end up progressing in thier attempt to see him, or it will happen either way. i would have a plan for when they plan to kidnap him. hope i was of help
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nta. loving your grandson is one thing, pretending he’s actually your son and going so far as to hack into the baby monitor to watch him without his parents consent is an entirely different thing. this is really disturbing behaviour on their part, and i’d strongly recommend reducing contact until they learn boundaries.
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nta, it is your child, you make the boundaries and if you feel they overstep those boundaries you are well within your right to speak out about it
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nta i wouldn’t let them be alone with your son. your mom might actually kidnap him or something “since you are having another baby she can just keep him” if they don’t stop or if they start acting like they are going to take him maybe cut off contact for a little bit until they learn to stop depending on your son to make them feel better.
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i feel like you're *under* reacting.
your mother ignored your wishes and direct orders from medical staff while you were pushing out a human. your father hacked into your baby monitor to watch your baby without your knowledge or consent.
they make demands of your time and your child and guilt you into subservience.
you need to shiny up that spine and lay some pretty hard boundaries with them or you'll forever be at their beck and call, and so will your son.
tell them you'll bring your son and new baby to visit when you're ready. phone calls and video calls will happen at a time suitable for you and your son's schedule. any getting pissy results in a time out and no contact until they apologise and respect your wishes as a mother.
i'm sure your husband will back you on this and of course get his input but you've got to reign this nonsense in.
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nta
**my father would constantly log into our video baby monitor from his house to watch my son while he slept.** that is just so creepy and wrong! i'd get rid of that video monitor asap if you haven't already! op im gonna be honest you need to go low contact or totally no contact with your parents what there doing is beyond creepy and wrong and lord knows what there telling your son when your out of the room! tell your mother you do not want her at the hosptail when you give birth to your next baby maybe leave your son with your hubby's parents if you can? or a trusted friend do not leave him with your parents!
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nta, they don’t get to steamroll you all the time and then call you hormonal or sensitive when you call them out on it. if it were me, the new rule would be they only see the kid when offered by you or husband, not when they ask, since they act entitled and don’t care about your schedule or feelings.
also, if you haven’t already: change the passwords on all the things (seriously grandpa, what the hell).
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nta. you need to start setting up some real boundaries with your parents. stop bringing your son for visits so often. put your phone on do not disturb while you are sleeping and do not answer the phone if it wakes you up. your parents’ behavior is way ott and you need to stop enabling it by reducing their access to you and your family and clearly telling them no when they are overstepping.
people like your parents need to be shown consequences of their boundary stopping. you might tell them that they’re crossing a line, but if you don’t back that up with any real consequence they won’t consider it a real issue. be very clear with them: “if you do x, i will do y,” where y is some version of hanging up the phone / getting up and leaving / changing the subject / skipping your next usual visit / etc. and then you actually have to do it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: on mobile, sorry about any formatting/autocorrect. a bit of background: i had my first son at 22, i am now 24 and expecting kid #2. my relationship with my parents can be strained at times and my childhood was less than ideal. my parents are also of poor health due to their poor lifestyle choices and *habits* in the 80's and 90's. i bring my son by for a visit 1-2x a week. much like the title suggests, i told my parents to stop treating my son as their emotional support animal. they constantly video call, waking me up at all times of day (i'm a night shift worker), demand to see my son, and get up-in-arms if we go out of town. make no mistake, i'm glad that they love my child, however many of their comments rub me the wrong way. my mother refers to my son as "her baby". she has stated on multiple occasions "now that you're having another baby, you can just let me keep [son]." yesterday, my father calls me and states, "you need to bring [son] to see your mother, he makes her feel better." this is where the title comes into play. my parents have been known to overstep my boundaries with my son. my mom kept attempting to enter the delivery room while i was actively pushing out my son. i had made it known that my husband was the only visitor i wanted during that time. the nurse had to threaten her with security multiple times. my father would constantly log into our video baby monitor from his house to watch my son while he slept. my husband feels that my response was justified and agrees that my parents try to treat our son like their "do-over kid." so aita in this situation?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
on mobile, sorry about any formatting/autocorrect. a bit of background: i had my first son at 22, i am now 24 and expecting kid #2. my relationship with my parents can be strained at times and my childhood was less than ideal. my parents are also of poor health due to their poor lifestyle choices and *habits* in the 80's and 90's. i bring my son by for a visit 1-2x a week. much like the title suggests, i told my parents to stop treating my son as their emotional support animal. they constantly video call, waking me up at all times of day (i'm a night shift worker), demand to see my son, and get up-in-arms if we go out of town. make no mistake, i'm glad that they love my child, however many of their comments rub me the wrong way. my mother refers to my son as "her baby". she has stated on multiple occasions "now that you're having another baby, you can just let me keep [son]." yesterday, my father calls me and states, "you need to bring [son] to see your mother, he makes her feel better." this is where the title comes into play. my parents have been known to overstep my boundaries with my son. my mom kept attempting to enter the delivery room while i was actively pushing out my son. i had made it known that my husband was the only visitor i wanted during that time. the nurse had to threaten her with security multiple times. my father would constantly log into our video baby monitor from his house to watch my son while he slept. my husband feels that my response was justified and agrees that my parents try to treat our son like their "do-over kid." so aita in this situation? [/INST] nta i hope you changed the login for your video monitor. that is such a huge violation. i wouldn’t allow them any unsupervised time with your children. i have a strong feeling that if they got the chance they would be practicing parental alienation. saying things like, “mommy isn’t going to have time for you when the new baby arrives but granny will always love you best.” </s>
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AITA for telling my GF she's 'too dumb' to go to law school?
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throwaway account. i (28m) am a lawyer. i am working for a nonprofit; my gf (28f) is a case worker. we connected over our interest in our work.
recently, she has told me she also wants to go to law school. tbh, i have very serious reservations for anyone going to law school. it's a huge time and financial commitment, and it is not some easy path to money or fame. but i became very concerned bc she kept saying she wanted to do what i did. honestly, i don't feel like i'm making the change or impact i should be. i am very strongly considering changing professions. for her, who is interested in the social justice aspect, i feel like she doesn't truly understand some of the limitations of being a lawyer in the social justice field.
i tried to tell her about the above issues, but she said she knew what she wanted. she asked me to look at her application essay - and it was terrible. i was honestly shocked. while she is not a native english speaker and has a strong accent, she went to high school and graduated from a good college. we've never had an issue of communicating. but her written work (which i had never seen) was just objectively bad. if i had never spoken to her i would've assumed from her writing she was learning english - not basically fluent.
my initial reaction upon reading her essay was 'if she writes like this in a personal essay, there is no way she is going to be able to handle a memo'. writing in law school is hard - it is an entirely different form and style, and a lot of students, even the most gifted, struggle. i really couldn't envision this working out.
so, i told her that. my basic point was 'i think you have to prepare a lot more and think a lot more about this decision. i just don't think your expectations of law school match the reality, and you definitely need to improve your writing skills a lot more to be a competitive student.' she immediately reacted angrily, telling me i was arrogant, that just bc i had gone to law school didn't mean i knew everything, that her english was fine, and she couldn't believe i was telling her she was too dumb to go. i tried to tell her it wasn't about her intelligence, but about her expectations and preparation, but she basically told me to go to hell.
i guess i could've been more supportive from the get-go and softened the approach, but i honestly think she would be making a huge mistake in even attempting to go to law school. the fact that her writing ability is...sub-par just seals it for me. so, aita?
| 957 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v813rt/aita_for_telling_my_gf_shes_too_dumb_to_go_to_law/
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2022-06-08 21:58:20
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nta. you were honest, which is good. you know it’s not only hard but a huge time and financial commitment. it would be worse, in my opinion, if you weren’t honest and let her try to go through the process. which she can certainly still try but you told her the truth.
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i'm gonna go out on a limb and say soft yta. i can tell from your post that you really love your gf, and you clearly want to protect her from rejection. but in trying to do that, you actually hurt her. i think a more appropriate response would've been something along the lines of, "if this is something that you really want, i support you 100%. you can get into law school if you improve your skills in these areas. you need to practice, a lot, but it is doable." that way, you're supporting her and being honest at the same time. if she wants to try it, let her! if she fails, she fails, but that's honestly the worst that could happen; and failure is an important part of life. at least if she fails she knows you'll support her. and best case scenario is she just might succeed!
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if she can't take your criticism now, it will be so much worse when people who don't like her tell her what her written work actually looks like. nta
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nta. you were honest and you didn't insult her. you just told her the truth she didn't want to hear.
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nta
i am a lawyer and law school and even the practice of law is about 90% dependent on excellent verbal skills.
i don't know how you would do well in the lsat (or equivalent) and manage to get through law school without being able to write coherently.
even if you aren't writing memos or briefs, you are constantly communicating with other people and those people are generally judging you on your verbal skills. even if it is by email, it tends to be much more formal than many people are used to when they use email or texting with their friends.
also - at least in the us - it is extremely hard to get a well paying legal job unless one has gone to one of the top rated law schools and has graduated near the top of the class. otherwise one has accumulated significant student debt without a high salary to pay it off.
i am not sure what she means by "social justice law". does she plan to be a public defender? or does she want to work with one of the organizations like aclu or other progressive organizations. those positions are probably harder to get than a job at a white shoe firm.
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nta law school professors would be way "meaner" to her. if you argue with other people for a profession you need thicker skin
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no one can say
we weren’t there and couldn’t hear the tone / inflections in your voice and the exact words you said.
i think the smarter thing to do would be to have her start studying for the lsats and maybe help her. she will probably realize quickly she cannot handle it.
info: how did she graduate from a good college with such poor written english?
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yta - from a retired lawyer. condescending much? law school is tough for some people.
the writing skills are learned. first year students are taught legal writing. it doesn't come naturally to most people and is a learned skill. i couldn't write my way out of a paper bag. i ended up writing appellate briefs and teaching legal writing.
you have no idea of her potential in the legal field. it sounds like you had a tough time and may have regrets on your career path. please don't project your feelings on her. i suggest encouraging and supporting her on her journey. whether she makes it or not, encourage her to accomplish her dream. she may fail, but your discouragement may defi e
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nta. she did ask for your opinion and you gave it... i don't get it when people ask for someone's opinion and then gets mad when it's not what they want to hear. this is real life, everyone has weaknesses, we can't all be awesome at everything. it's much better to hear the truth from someone you know well, phrased in a gentle manner than to hear a scathing review from an admissions officer/professor. after all, you did tell her how she could improve, she just didn't want to hear it. why? we don't learn anything unless we are willing to acknowledge our weaknesses and work on them! you weren't telling her that she would never be good enough to get into law school, only that she has a ways more to work on.
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reading a lot between the line here, but your reasoning does not sound objective, and the whole process seems like you've made up your mind and viewing the steps under the lens that she wouldn't succeed. you question her cause without any indication of why she wouldn't be able to handle it. you use your own feeling (subjective) wrapped around the more objective aspects of the decision. law school is hard and often not worth the effort is objective. your self doubts, etc. is subjective to you as an individual.
you made no mentions of why do you think she can't handle the emotional aspect of the work, nor why do you think she wouldn't be tenacious enough to accomplish the degree. writing skills can improve. lack of discipline is much more alarming. if anything, having a cause helps the effort.
instead you straight up trashed her efforts without any mentioning of constructive feedback. not sugar coating it is fine. saying that she would need to spend a lot more time working up a background is fine. what you described was simply malicious.
yta from those reasons. if you truly think she can't make it, that's fine, work with her and highlights in your own experience, the challenges she would need to face. the efforts needed. be objective and supportive. you can be supportive even if you are against the decision.
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.441 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway account. i (28m) am a lawyer. i am working for a nonprofit; my gf (28f) is a case worker. we connected over our interest in our work. recently, she has told me she also wants to go to law school. tbh, i have very serious reservations for anyone going to law school. it's a huge time and financial commitment, and it is not some easy path to money or fame. but i became very concerned bc she kept saying she wanted to do what i did. honestly, i don't feel like i'm making the change or impact i should be. i am very strongly considering changing professions. for her, who is interested in the social justice aspect, i feel like she doesn't truly understand some of the limitations of being a lawyer in the social justice field. i tried to tell her about the above issues, but she said she knew what she wanted. she asked me to look at her application essay - and it was terrible. i was honestly shocked. while she is not a native english speaker and has a strong accent, she went to high school and graduated from a good college. we've never had an issue of communicating. but her written work (which i had never seen) was just objectively bad. if i had never spoken to her i would've assumed from her writing she was learning english - not basically fluent. my initial reaction upon reading her essay was 'if she writes like this in a personal essay, there is no way she is going to be able to handle a memo'. writing in law school is hard - it is an entirely different form and style, and a lot of students, even the most gifted, struggle. i really couldn't envision this working out. so, i told her that. my basic point was 'i think you have to prepare a lot more and think a lot more about this decision. i just don't think your expectations of law school match the reality, and you definitely need to improve your writing skills a lot more to be a competitive student.' she immediately reacted angrily, telling me i was arrogant, that just bc i had gone to law school didn't mean i knew everything, that her english was fine, and she couldn't believe i was telling her she was too dumb to go. i tried to tell her it wasn't about her intelligence, but about her expectations and preparation, but she basically told me to go to hell. i guess i could've been more supportive from the get-go and softened the approach, but i honestly think she would be making a huge mistake in even attempting to go to law school. the fact that her writing ability is...sub-par just seals it for me. so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account. i (28m) am a lawyer. i am working for a nonprofit; my gf (28f) is a case worker. we connected over our interest in our work. recently, she has told me she also wants to go to law school. tbh, i have very serious reservations for anyone going to law school. it's a huge time and financial commitment, and it is not some easy path to money or fame. but i became very concerned bc she kept saying she wanted to do what i did. honestly, i don't feel like i'm making the change or impact i should be. i am very strongly considering changing professions. for her, who is interested in the social justice aspect, i feel like she doesn't truly understand some of the limitations of being a lawyer in the social justice field. i tried to tell her about the above issues, but she said she knew what she wanted. she asked me to look at her application essay - and it was terrible. i was honestly shocked. while she is not a native english speaker and has a strong accent, she went to high school and graduated from a good college. we've never had an issue of communicating. but her written work (which i had never seen) was just objectively bad. if i had never spoken to her i would've assumed from her writing she was learning english - not basically fluent. my initial reaction upon reading her essay was 'if she writes like this in a personal essay, there is no way she is going to be able to handle a memo'. writing in law school is hard - it is an entirely different form and style, and a lot of students, even the most gifted, struggle. i really couldn't envision this working out. so, i told her that. my basic point was 'i think you have to prepare a lot more and think a lot more about this decision. i just don't think your expectations of law school match the reality, and you definitely need to improve your writing skills a lot more to be a competitive student.' she immediately reacted angrily, telling me i was arrogant, that just bc i had gone to law school didn't mean i knew everything, that her english was fine, and she couldn't believe i was telling her she was too dumb to go. i tried to tell her it wasn't about her intelligence, but about her expectations and preparation, but she basically told me to go to hell. i guess i could've been more supportive from the get-go and softened the approach, but i honestly think she would be making a huge mistake in even attempting to go to law school. the fact that her writing ability is...sub-par just seals it for me. so, aita? [/INST] nta. you were honest, which is good. you know it’s not only hard but a huge time and financial commitment. it would be worse, in my opinion, if you weren’t honest and let her try to go through the process. which she can certainly still try but you told her the truth. </s>
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AITA for watermarking my grandfather's autobiography transcription?
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for context\~ so my (19m) sister (21f) found my grandfathers 200 page-long autobiography in his basement while we were cleaning it out about 4 years ago, i thought it was fucking awesome and my sister said she was going to transcribe it from korean to english.
as soon as we got home she went to work, i helped out too. it was extremely hard because alot of things were lost in translation, and some of the pages were in japanese or chinese, and handwritten, so we had to get the help of others.
she ended up giving up within the first week, and we had only finished 3 pages worth together. i kept at it, and i do admit i gave up after awhile too, but when google translate came out with that function to take pictures of entire pages and translate it, i started getting back into trying to transcribe it. i was able to finish it last summer. it's still a bit iffy but im still working on it.
i bought a stand for it and put it on a table in the common area and left it there, from time to time ill pull it up when im bored and try and fix anything that i made notes of.
the other day i was chilling in my room and then decided to go grab it and look through it. it wasnt in the common area anymore so i thought maybe i left it in my room or something, i ended up finding it sitting on the stand on my sisters study desk in her room.
i asked her why she moved it and she said its because its "hers".
lmfao wtf, i told her that its not hers and she said it is because she "found it". i said that i transcribed and bought the stand. so she handed me the stand and said i could have it back.
i told my mom and she said my sister found it, and that nobody told me to transcribe it.
what the hell is that, ok its not mine but i worked hard on it so shouldnt it be equal or something?? i was really pissed so i went out and bought a stamp with my name on it and wrote "transcribed by:" and stamped my name next to it.
when she found out she threw a fit, and my mom blocked me from the internet.
i honestly cant see how its fair she keeps its and im in the wrong even though i basically transcribed the entire thing. aita?
edit\~ fixed a mistake
edit #2 \~ i see theres lots of confusion between the book and the transcription, its one book now. the front page of the autobigraphy was taken off and the transcription was put on the front and it was all glued and binded together.
| 358 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p6bh1m/aita_for_watermarking_my_grandfathers/
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2021-08-17 20:13:04
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nta your sister stole from you. that’s wild.
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info: what exactly did you mark, was this the original autobiography or your transcription of it?
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nta. so sad that your mom say's it belongs to your sister (who seems like an ah). it should be something that belongs to the entire family so everyone can share in your grandfather's legacy.
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nta
simple solutions though:
a) make copies of the entire book and hand them out/ gift them to relatives.
b) seperate the two, make a copy of the original. keep a copy of the original and the transcript.
c) give them to a trusted family member for safekeeping.
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yta if you stamped pages that he wrote.
nta if you stamped pages that you translated.
i probably would have stolen the pages that i translated and have her do it all again herself. imo it belongs to the family. doesn't matter who found it. you should have kept it in a safe place not out in the open. just saying.
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nta
~~i'm going to assume you stamped the transcribed copy and i'm going to go w/ nta~~. i read your title again, it sounds like you stamped the transcription so i'm going w/ nta here. ~~i believe~~ you are owed the transcribed copy - that's your work. sure, no one told you to do it but you did it, so it's yours.
she found the original - if she wanted to claim it, i feel like she's pretty within her rights to do so. although i would make photocopies of the original so you can keep at it with your work.
she isn't entitled to your hard work and your mom obviously has a favorite.
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info: do you consider the item to be yours in the same light your sister does?
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nta your mom should have stayed out of it. your sister sounds greedy as it should be owned by the entire family.
| null | null |
NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| null | null | 0.176777 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for context\~ so my (19m) sister (21f) found my grandfathers 200 page-long autobiography in his basement while we were cleaning it out about 4 years ago, i thought it was fucking awesome and my sister said she was going to transcribe it from korean to english. as soon as we got home she went to work, i helped out too. it was extremely hard because alot of things were lost in translation, and some of the pages were in japanese or chinese, and handwritten, so we had to get the help of others. she ended up giving up within the first week, and we had only finished 3 pages worth together. i kept at it, and i do admit i gave up after awhile too, but when google translate came out with that function to take pictures of entire pages and translate it, i started getting back into trying to transcribe it. i was able to finish it last summer. it's still a bit iffy but im still working on it. i bought a stand for it and put it on a table in the common area and left it there, from time to time ill pull it up when im bored and try and fix anything that i made notes of. the other day i was chilling in my room and then decided to go grab it and look through it. it wasnt in the common area anymore so i thought maybe i left it in my room or something, i ended up finding it sitting on the stand on my sisters study desk in her room. i asked her why she moved it and she said its because its "hers". lmfao wtf, i told her that its not hers and she said it is because she "found it". i said that i transcribed and bought the stand. so she handed me the stand and said i could have it back. i told my mom and she said my sister found it, and that nobody told me to transcribe it. what the hell is that, ok its not mine but i worked hard on it so shouldnt it be equal or something?? i was really pissed so i went out and bought a stamp with my name on it and wrote "transcribed by:" and stamped my name next to it. when she found out she threw a fit, and my mom blocked me from the internet. i honestly cant see how its fair she keeps its and im in the wrong even though i basically transcribed the entire thing. aita? edit\~ fixed a mistake edit #2 \~ i see theres lots of confusion between the book and the transcription, its one book now. the front page of the autobigraphy was taken off and the transcription was put on the front and it was all glued and binded together.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for context\~ so my (19m) sister (21f) found my grandfathers 200 page-long autobiography in his basement while we were cleaning it out about 4 years ago, i thought it was fucking awesome and my sister said she was going to transcribe it from korean to english. as soon as we got home she went to work, i helped out too. it was extremely hard because alot of things were lost in translation, and some of the pages were in japanese or chinese, and handwritten, so we had to get the help of others. she ended up giving up within the first week, and we had only finished 3 pages worth together. i kept at it, and i do admit i gave up after awhile too, but when google translate came out with that function to take pictures of entire pages and translate it, i started getting back into trying to transcribe it. i was able to finish it last summer. it's still a bit iffy but im still working on it. i bought a stand for it and put it on a table in the common area and left it there, from time to time ill pull it up when im bored and try and fix anything that i made notes of. the other day i was chilling in my room and then decided to go grab it and look through it. it wasnt in the common area anymore so i thought maybe i left it in my room or something, i ended up finding it sitting on the stand on my sisters study desk in her room. i asked her why she moved it and she said its because its "hers". lmfao wtf, i told her that its not hers and she said it is because she "found it". i said that i transcribed and bought the stand. so she handed me the stand and said i could have it back. i told my mom and she said my sister found it, and that nobody told me to transcribe it. what the hell is that, ok its not mine but i worked hard on it so shouldnt it be equal or something?? i was really pissed so i went out and bought a stamp with my name on it and wrote "transcribed by:" and stamped my name next to it. when she found out she threw a fit, and my mom blocked me from the internet. i honestly cant see how its fair she keeps its and im in the wrong even though i basically transcribed the entire thing. aita? edit\~ fixed a mistake edit #2 \~ i see theres lots of confusion between the book and the transcription, its one book now. the front page of the autobigraphy was taken off and the transcription was put on the front and it was all glued and binded together. [/INST] nta your sister stole from you. that’s wild. </s>
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AITA for giving my daughter's vegan friend meaty meals during sleepovers?
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my daughter and her friend m are both 12 years old and like to have sleepovers every now and then. m's family maintains a strict vegan diet where she isn't even allowed to drink milk. her parents are nice people although a bit on the neurotic side. m is bright young girl and she's a good friend to my daughter but i noticed how much smaller and paler she is compared to my daughter. i think it's likely tied to her family's diet.
so whenever she is over i always make a big meaty meal for them. last weekend i made some cheeseburgers and steak for them on the grill with a big glass of milk. m absolutely loves it and always politely asks for more (which i happily provide). for snacks i give them some of my venison jerky. for breakfast i typically make a big plate of scrambled eggs and bacon again with a big glass of milk. despite her size m always wolfs down whatever i make. and i have to say everytime she leaves it looks like she has a healthy glow to her.
i know i probably shouldn't be doing this but i think m is a bit malnourished (nothing against vegans or anything). she knows she'll get in big trouble if she tells her folks. (i think she fibs a bit to her parents about what she eats).
aita for letting my daughter's vegan friend eat meat?
| 7,077 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q3chzl/aita_for_giving_my_daughters_vegan_friend_meaty/
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2021-10-07 16:13:30
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yta
"i think m is a bit malnourished" is where i deemed you the asshole.
you are absolutely judging her family, and her family's diet, and you are doing this out of some misguided form of activism. you think you're the hero here saving her from some injustice.
it'd be one thing if you were maybe just trying to make the kid happy one time and keeping a little secret -- but you're doing this to make a statement. you're actively and defiantly disrespecting her parents.
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yta. you say "whenever she is over i always make a big meaty meal for them". so, you're going out of your way to make something you know m's parents wouldn't let her have? based on "she looks smaller and paler" than your daughter?
stop substituting your judgements about how this kid is raised for her parents'. she's not your kid.
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yta
you are not her doctor. this isn't your choice to make. undermining her parents' dietary choices is going to do more harm than good for her.
to jump from a strict plant based diet to one heavy with dairy and meat and then to go right back to strict plant based, that shocks the body so to speak. if you're concerned about her health, talk to her parents.
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yta. not your fucking kid, you cant change her diet.
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yta
would you feed a jewish or muslim kid pork because you felt they were missing out?
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unless you ran it by her parents, yta. it's kind that you make food for them, but why can't you accommodate her vegan diet? you don't know she's malnourished. if anything, you may have harmed the friendship. if/when the parents find out they may not want her coming to your place. yta
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“she isn’t *even* allowed to drink milk” umm, yea obviously? vegans don’t do dairy.
yta, if you have concerns about her being malnourished, talk to her parents, or cps if you suspect abuse. feeding long term vegans animal products can make them sick.
tbh sounds like you just don’t agree with / don’t like her parents and are doing this to spite them.
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~~i’m going to go with esh.~~
editing to yta. it’s since come to light the girl is allowed meat from time to time, which makes the “militant vegan parent” angle *far* less likely. i’m sill not 100% sure if the parents are permissive of a non-vegan diet outside of their home or not, simply because the *op refuses to talk to the parents to verify anything.*
below is my original, unedited post:
the girl is old enough that her parents should respect her lifestyle choices. it sounds like the parents are vegan, but the girl is not - at least not by choice. the parents don't have to accommodate a meat-eating lifestyle at home, particularly since it goes against their ethos, but they shouldn't be forbidding their daughter from eating meat outside of the home. (unless there are any medical reasons for why she can't have meat.) *if that is what is happening.*
op is an ah for a two different reasons. mostly because you *haven't spoken with the parents at all*. from this post, you've painted her parents as strict die-hard militant vegans who have absolutely *forbidden* their child to be anything but vegan. we don't know that, and you don't know that. you know they are vegan, but you don't know if they condone their daughter eating non-vegan outside of the house. for all you know, they could have absolutely no problem with their girl eating pulled pork and smoked salmon at your house. in fact, i would be extremely surprised if they didn't know their daughter was having non-vegan meals during these sleepovers. you've gone with the idea that "it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission", and that is a solid ah move.
the second reason is, you are attempting to justify what you believe to be shitty behavior and undermining the other persons parents with the excuse that "she looks a bit malnourished." you are not a doctor, nor a dietician. you do not know at all whether or not she is malnourished or not, just that she has a healthy appetite, enjoys your food, and is on the small/pale side (which could just be simple genetics at play.) if you actually thought she was malnourished, you'd have spoken with her parents about it. it's great that you are making sure she is well fed while she is over, but your concern for her health should extend beyond just the duration of her sleepovers and within the confines of your home.
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info: has the daughter actually told you she's not "allowed" to eat meat and dairy outside her home? or does she just come from a household where they are vegan?
regardless, she can make her own choices about food if she's old enough to have a sleepover. i think you should stop making meat exclusively, that's a bit odd, but you should offer them a variety of foods and ask what she wants and she can decide. the key here is giving the kid some agency in what she is fed.
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yta. not your place to decide how someone else raises their kid. if you think there’s an issue, talk to them. if you think the issue borders on abuse, talk to the authorities.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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INFO
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YTA
| 0.007204 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter and her friend m are both 12 years old and like to have sleepovers every now and then. m's family maintains a strict vegan diet where she isn't even allowed to drink milk. her parents are nice people although a bit on the neurotic side. m is bright young girl and she's a good friend to my daughter but i noticed how much smaller and paler she is compared to my daughter. i think it's likely tied to her family's diet. so whenever she is over i always make a big meaty meal for them. last weekend i made some cheeseburgers and steak for them on the grill with a big glass of milk. m absolutely loves it and always politely asks for more (which i happily provide). for snacks i give them some of my venison jerky. for breakfast i typically make a big plate of scrambled eggs and bacon again with a big glass of milk. despite her size m always wolfs down whatever i make. and i have to say everytime she leaves it looks like she has a healthy glow to her. i know i probably shouldn't be doing this but i think m is a bit malnourished (nothing against vegans or anything). she knows she'll get in big trouble if she tells her folks. (i think she fibs a bit to her parents about what she eats). aita for letting my daughter's vegan friend eat meat?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter and her friend m are both 12 years old and like to have sleepovers every now and then. m's family maintains a strict vegan diet where she isn't even allowed to drink milk. her parents are nice people although a bit on the neurotic side. m is bright young girl and she's a good friend to my daughter but i noticed how much smaller and paler she is compared to my daughter. i think it's likely tied to her family's diet. so whenever she is over i always make a big meaty meal for them. last weekend i made some cheeseburgers and steak for them on the grill with a big glass of milk. m absolutely loves it and always politely asks for more (which i happily provide). for snacks i give them some of my venison jerky. for breakfast i typically make a big plate of scrambled eggs and bacon again with a big glass of milk. despite her size m always wolfs down whatever i make. and i have to say everytime she leaves it looks like she has a healthy glow to her. i know i probably shouldn't be doing this but i think m is a bit malnourished (nothing against vegans or anything). she knows she'll get in big trouble if she tells her folks. (i think she fibs a bit to her parents about what she eats). aita for letting my daughter's vegan friend eat meat? [/INST] yta "i think m is a bit malnourished" is where i deemed you the asshole. you are absolutely judging her family, and her family's diet, and you are doing this out of some misguided form of activism. you think you're the hero here saving her from some injustice. it'd be one thing if you were maybe just trying to make the kid happy one time and keeping a little secret -- but you're doing this to make a statement. you're actively and defiantly disrespecting her parents. </s>
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AITA for not letting my ex wife's stepkids work for me?
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ex-wife and i divorced 7 years ago. we have a teenage daughter together. ex and i are not on the best of terms. when she started dating her husband jeff, the two of them attempted to get me to step back or step out of my daughters life so he could be her new father. on top of that, since jeff had three kids instead of one, he liked to believe he knew better than me and was always trying to give me unsolicited advice, always acting superior. one time he said to my daughter in front of me that i wanted her to call him dad too since he was such an amazing parent and one i could aspire to be like. i did have to deny saying that without trying to say i didn't want my daughter to call him dad. i wanted to leave it to her. she never did call him dad and she thinks he's arrogant as fuck too.
jeff's kids are teens now too and they are aware my daughter has a summer and sometimes weekend job at the business i own. ex and jeff want his kids to work there too. they say it would be great for them to all be part of the family business and work together and build sibling bonds. i don't want jeff's kids anywhere near my business. i do not want to be more involved in my ex's new life more than i already am because of our daughter. jeff's kids are not part of my family so them being part of the family business makes no sense. plus from what my daughter has said and what ex and jeff have said, they're not very close and don't consider each other siblings.
my saying no has been controversial and i hear from jeff and my ex all the time how i'm an asshole, and should be willing to give them a shot, pointing out that they are my daughters family whether i like it or not and she should be able to include them in a business she will one day inherit.
aita?
| 3,906 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w4aax0/aita_for_not_letting_my_ex_wifes_stepkids_work/
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2022-07-21 07:24:54
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nta.
you can already fortell that your ex, her husband (stepfather) and the stepfather's kids will be trying to claim a partial ownership share when the daughter inherits (assuming that happens as who knows what happens between now and that distant future event) or sticking out their hand for a share in whatever she inherits from the op.
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you're divorced. her new man's kids are his responsibility, not yours. full stop.
nta
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nta, wtf.
there is no "family business" for them to be a part of. just because your daughter has a relationship with them doesn't mean you do. they aren't entitled to work there, keep putting your foot down about that.
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nta sounds like they’ve already made plans for his kids to also be inheriting your family’s business.
don’t allow them, don’t employ them, and make sure your daughter knows that it’s your family business, not a family business that covers both sides
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nta. and the entitlement here is breathtaking. the very idea that your daughter should get a say in hiring people into your business because she may some day inherit it, when she’s still a teen and not the one actually managing it is pure batshittery.
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nta. if they want jobs at your company they can apply like everyone else does
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nta. your money, your call.
besides, having many siblings in one company is counter productive.
if they they want, they can put up a business and hire their own kids.
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nta seems like jeff isn't just content with making people think hes superman now he wants to get a foot in the door of you business aswell and will be telling you how to run it then muscle in saying you gave it to him. be very careful with this one
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nta it is in no way, shape, or form your responsibility to give your ex’s step kids a job. as you said they are not a part of your family and your ex and her new husband are being wildly inappropriate in trying to make you feel bad about this.
it’s probably time to set the boundaries on exactly how much or how little you will be involved with anyone other than your daughter and remind the dear step dad that she is your child and while you hope she gets along with her step siblings it is not your responsibility to foster that relationship but his.
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these people want a share in your business. if you passed away suddenly they would expect the business to be left to your daughter and the step-siblings. the idea of them working in your business is to "train" your daughter that they belong in the business and it should belong to her and them when you pass. do not allow this. it is not family - it is greed.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ex-wife and i divorced 7 years ago. we have a teenage daughter together. ex and i are not on the best of terms. when she started dating her husband jeff, the two of them attempted to get me to step back or step out of my daughters life so he could be her new father. on top of that, since jeff had three kids instead of one, he liked to believe he knew better than me and was always trying to give me unsolicited advice, always acting superior. one time he said to my daughter in front of me that i wanted her to call him dad too since he was such an amazing parent and one i could aspire to be like. i did have to deny saying that without trying to say i didn't want my daughter to call him dad. i wanted to leave it to her. she never did call him dad and she thinks he's arrogant as fuck too. jeff's kids are teens now too and they are aware my daughter has a summer and sometimes weekend job at the business i own. ex and jeff want his kids to work there too. they say it would be great for them to all be part of the family business and work together and build sibling bonds. i don't want jeff's kids anywhere near my business. i do not want to be more involved in my ex's new life more than i already am because of our daughter. jeff's kids are not part of my family so them being part of the family business makes no sense. plus from what my daughter has said and what ex and jeff have said, they're not very close and don't consider each other siblings. my saying no has been controversial and i hear from jeff and my ex all the time how i'm an asshole, and should be willing to give them a shot, pointing out that they are my daughters family whether i like it or not and she should be able to include them in a business she will one day inherit. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ex-wife and i divorced 7 years ago. we have a teenage daughter together. ex and i are not on the best of terms. when she started dating her husband jeff, the two of them attempted to get me to step back or step out of my daughters life so he could be her new father. on top of that, since jeff had three kids instead of one, he liked to believe he knew better than me and was always trying to give me unsolicited advice, always acting superior. one time he said to my daughter in front of me that i wanted her to call him dad too since he was such an amazing parent and one i could aspire to be like. i did have to deny saying that without trying to say i didn't want my daughter to call him dad. i wanted to leave it to her. she never did call him dad and she thinks he's arrogant as fuck too. jeff's kids are teens now too and they are aware my daughter has a summer and sometimes weekend job at the business i own. ex and jeff want his kids to work there too. they say it would be great for them to all be part of the family business and work together and build sibling bonds. i don't want jeff's kids anywhere near my business. i do not want to be more involved in my ex's new life more than i already am because of our daughter. jeff's kids are not part of my family so them being part of the family business makes no sense. plus from what my daughter has said and what ex and jeff have said, they're not very close and don't consider each other siblings. my saying no has been controversial and i hear from jeff and my ex all the time how i'm an asshole, and should be willing to give them a shot, pointing out that they are my daughters family whether i like it or not and she should be able to include them in a business she will one day inherit. aita? [/INST] nta. you can already fortell that your ex, her husband (stepfather) and the stepfather's kids will be trying to claim a partial ownership share when the daughter inherits (assuming that happens as who knows what happens between now and that distant future event) or sticking out their hand for a share in whatever she inherits from the op. </s>
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AITA for taking my mom on vacation
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i grew up very poor with a single mom. my mom was the type to work hard for not-enough money but she would put everyone before herself. we used to fantasize about vacations, because we’d never get them. we’d say where we wanted to go if we came into a bunch of money and pretend to plan them. when i was 15 i promised her i’d take her to nepal for her 60th birthday, because she wanted to go.
17 years later, i made good on that promise. i had worked hard in college, walked away with 2 master’s degrees and a six figure job. i saved up, and we were going to nepal. since i was now 32 and married, my husband came along as well. he’d known for years that i was planning this, and was onboard. it may be relevant that while i’m the high earner between us, we have a joint account and share everything. he helped me keep it a secret, we got the tickets, arranged everything, surprised her, and went to nepal for two weeks. upon our return my mother-in-law asked my husband, ‘where are you taking me for my 60th?’ her birthday was later that year. my husband explained that we were still planning to come to her 60th birthday party but that we had used almost all our vacation for the nepal trip (not to mention we saved for quite a bit for that, i’m not so well off i can take two international vacations in the same year).
my mil works a good job and is well off. she has 3 other grown, adult kids, her house is paid off, she bought a new car cash with a european buying program and took a trip to get the car, toured all over the nordic countries and london, and took my husbands young (adult) brother with her, mostly compliments of a very large inheritance she received. so she could definitely afford to take herself to nepal, or anywhere really. and in fact she did, she took my sister in law on a trip to iceland instead for her birthday and pointedly invited everyone but us, saying she didn’t invite us because we ‘had no vacation left.’
at first i thought she was just being petty, but my husband’s siblings have all slowly come on board to pointing out that i am definitely the asshole for taking my mom somewhere, and not planning an equal type of thing for my mil’s 60th, which was 8 months later. it’s caused a huge strife and arguments on all sides. my husband tries to protect me from it but i know it wears on him. we live on the opposite side of the country so it’s easier to have fewer dealings with them, but i feel terrible that i’ve caused this wedge now. all i wanted was to keep a promise i made when i was 15 and take my mom somewhere nice because of the sacrifices she made me for when i was growing up. but the fact that so many of my husband’s family think i’m in the wrong here makes me think i am actually the asshole for not also thinking about and considering her birthday as well.
| 2,667 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oanh7d/aita_for_taking_my_mom_on_vacation/
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2021-06-30 02:26:18
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nta
obviously your husbands family has no idea what it’s like to never be able to go on vacation. they’re petty.
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nta- does your mil know the story behind the trip? if she doesn’t, she’s an ah still, but it’s a little more understandable. if she knows the whole story and is still being a brat about it, that’s completely on her.
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nta. i have an upvote to you but i really just want to hug you. that was so sweet of you to do that for your mother. you worked so hard for so long and you did it. your husband seems like a great guy also for sticking up for you. his family seems entitled. they can’t understand that this was a dream for you and your mother. the rest of the family is siding with her to see what they can get out of it in the future.
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nta. they should recognize their privilege. also there’s nothing wrong with saying i planned and saved for this for over a decade. since i didn’t know you 17 years ago when i planned this it’s not in the cards right now
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hi friend,
how wonderful that you made such a powerful vow at a young age, and were able to bring it to life! this is a beautiful example of generosity, gratitude, and perseverance, and it says so much about about the love between you and your mother.
regarding your in-laws... you are not the asshole, you are not in the wrong, and you are not inconsiderate. in any way.
i've learned that there are some people who will treat any degree of empathy / consideration as an admission of guilt, and that actively trying to see things from their perspective just eggs them on. with this sort of personality any "give" just makes things worse. which seems counterproductive, because rational people will try to see things from another perspective, and empathetic people will acknowledge that other perspective... which seems like it should be the "right" thing to do, only with some folks it's totally... not.
so, what to do?
try doing the opposite of what you've been doing. (which i'm guessing has been empathetic and generous.) i'm not saying you should be an asshole back to them... but rather, just speak your truth neutrally, confidently, and unshakably... as though any other perspective would be ridiculous.
an example, if your mil raises this again - say, something like "you obviously don't care about me because you didn't treat me equally on my 60th." you just smile, laugh, and say a shortened version of the following: "oh mil, of course you're not suggesting that saving for x years to honor a promise made to my mother at 15 means that we should do the same for you... especially given the differences between your finances and hers. you're far too polite and understanding. now, what should we do for dinner / how about sports-team-result / let me tell you the latest thing that happened at work." and just relentlessly move the conversation forward.
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nta. assuming that your husband explained the circumstances, this seems like more of a mother-in-law not feeling “appreciated,” and frankly, she’s being childish for trying to blame you. your husband is wonderful for trying to protect you, but at the end of the day, he needs a sit down with his mom to let her know that his not planning a vacation for her doesn’t mean he doesn’t appreciate her. if she’s still kicking up a fuss, then you both may need to give her a vacation from your presence. the siblings can shut up, as it is none of their business. you are nta. mil did not raise you, and you owe her nothing.
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[deleted]
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nta.
i'm confused. op took her mom on holiday. if mil wants a holiday shouldn't it be one of her own kids who takes her? why is she the one required to pay and take mil anywhere?
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definitely nta . your mil is being entitled. this trip was something you and your mom dreamed about since, like you said,you were ... what 15? you saved and planned to take her and it will probably be the only time your mom would be able to travel outside the country. your in laws are being jerks. and you are most def nta here. your mom probably will remember it for the rest of her time here. i'm sure she is even bragging to her friends about her amazing child for spoiling her. good for you op, she totally deserved that trip.
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nta what a bunch of spoiled, entitled, vicious people. they have absolutely no empathy for your living situation now and in the past, instead choosing to view things only in terms of what benefits them directly and what doesn't. the fact that they've rallied together to make you miserable over holding a lifelong promise to your mother who scraped by for decades is disgusting and inexcusable. i'm truly sorry you're dealing with this senseless awfulness.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i grew up very poor with a single mom. my mom was the type to work hard for not-enough money but she would put everyone before herself. we used to fantasize about vacations, because we’d never get them. we’d say where we wanted to go if we came into a bunch of money and pretend to plan them. when i was 15 i promised her i’d take her to nepal for her 60th birthday, because she wanted to go. 17 years later, i made good on that promise. i had worked hard in college, walked away with 2 master’s degrees and a six figure job. i saved up, and we were going to nepal. since i was now 32 and married, my husband came along as well. he’d known for years that i was planning this, and was onboard. it may be relevant that while i’m the high earner between us, we have a joint account and share everything. he helped me keep it a secret, we got the tickets, arranged everything, surprised her, and went to nepal for two weeks. upon our return my mother-in-law asked my husband, ‘where are you taking me for my 60th?’ her birthday was later that year. my husband explained that we were still planning to come to her 60th birthday party but that we had used almost all our vacation for the nepal trip (not to mention we saved for quite a bit for that, i’m not so well off i can take two international vacations in the same year). my mil works a good job and is well off. she has 3 other grown, adult kids, her house is paid off, she bought a new car cash with a european buying program and took a trip to get the car, toured all over the nordic countries and london, and took my husbands young (adult) brother with her, mostly compliments of a very large inheritance she received. so she could definitely afford to take herself to nepal, or anywhere really. and in fact she did, she took my sister in law on a trip to iceland instead for her birthday and pointedly invited everyone but us, saying she didn’t invite us because we ‘had no vacation left.’ at first i thought she was just being petty, but my husband’s siblings have all slowly come on board to pointing out that i am definitely the asshole for taking my mom somewhere, and not planning an equal type of thing for my mil’s 60th, which was 8 months later. it’s caused a huge strife and arguments on all sides. my husband tries to protect me from it but i know it wears on him. we live on the opposite side of the country so it’s easier to have fewer dealings with them, but i feel terrible that i’ve caused this wedge now. all i wanted was to keep a promise i made when i was 15 and take my mom somewhere nice because of the sacrifices she made me for when i was growing up. but the fact that so many of my husband’s family think i’m in the wrong here makes me think i am actually the asshole for not also thinking about and considering her birthday as well.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i grew up very poor with a single mom. my mom was the type to work hard for not-enough money but she would put everyone before herself. we used to fantasize about vacations, because we’d never get them. we’d say where we wanted to go if we came into a bunch of money and pretend to plan them. when i was 15 i promised her i’d take her to nepal for her 60th birthday, because she wanted to go. 17 years later, i made good on that promise. i had worked hard in college, walked away with 2 master’s degrees and a six figure job. i saved up, and we were going to nepal. since i was now 32 and married, my husband came along as well. he’d known for years that i was planning this, and was onboard. it may be relevant that while i’m the high earner between us, we have a joint account and share everything. he helped me keep it a secret, we got the tickets, arranged everything, surprised her, and went to nepal for two weeks. upon our return my mother-in-law asked my husband, ‘where are you taking me for my 60th?’ her birthday was later that year. my husband explained that we were still planning to come to her 60th birthday party but that we had used almost all our vacation for the nepal trip (not to mention we saved for quite a bit for that, i’m not so well off i can take two international vacations in the same year). my mil works a good job and is well off. she has 3 other grown, adult kids, her house is paid off, she bought a new car cash with a european buying program and took a trip to get the car, toured all over the nordic countries and london, and took my husbands young (adult) brother with her, mostly compliments of a very large inheritance she received. so she could definitely afford to take herself to nepal, or anywhere really. and in fact she did, she took my sister in law on a trip to iceland instead for her birthday and pointedly invited everyone but us, saying she didn’t invite us because we ‘had no vacation left.’ at first i thought she was just being petty, but my husband’s siblings have all slowly come on board to pointing out that i am definitely the asshole for taking my mom somewhere, and not planning an equal type of thing for my mil’s 60th, which was 8 months later. it’s caused a huge strife and arguments on all sides. my husband tries to protect me from it but i know it wears on him. we live on the opposite side of the country so it’s easier to have fewer dealings with them, but i feel terrible that i’ve caused this wedge now. all i wanted was to keep a promise i made when i was 15 and take my mom somewhere nice because of the sacrifices she made me for when i was growing up. but the fact that so many of my husband’s family think i’m in the wrong here makes me think i am actually the asshole for not also thinking about and considering her birthday as well. [/INST] nta obviously your husbands family has no idea what it’s like to never be able to go on vacation. they’re petty. </s>
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AITA for refusing to help my parents babysit for a neighbor on Christmas Eve
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my parents occasionally babysit for a neighbor's kid, and of all times, they need a babysitter on christmas eve. i (38f) was planning to visit my parents and have a nice and quiet holiday together (we live in the same city but i don't live with them). i have nothing against kids and my parents' arrangements with the neighbors don't bother me. but on christmas eve i simply don't want to share the house with a kid who is not even family. i work with kids on a daily basis, so in my free time i don't want to be around them. so i told my parents i'm not coming over. now i'm the insensitive asshole because i won't visit my parents, and subsequently help with the kid.
aita for "ruining" my parents' christmas and choosing my peace and quiet over a loud visit?
edit, to clarify some things:
1. the kid is seven, and apparently her parents need some downtime to pack for an out-of-town vacation. they know my folks are too nice to say no, even on christmas eve, so they are shipping the kid over for the day/afternoon.
2. we didn't have anything planned, it's just me and them for christmas. the trouble is they see the little girl as a houseguest, so they think it's rude of me to just stay out of the way and not "entertain" the kid.
| 969 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rmxpcc/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_parents_babysit_for/
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2021-12-23 15:11:38
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nta. you work with kids all day. you wanted a quiet day w/o - your parents chose this obligation so your not ta because you don’t want to help look after a kid.
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nta- nope. they chose to do it and shouldnt expect you to help without asking first.
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nta. you don't have to do jack shit! if you want a relaxing holiday you take it
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nta. what they're asking for is unreasonable, but i think you should disarm the "ruining christmas" ploy by saying you'd love to spend christmas with them, but they (or you and they together) need to hire a babysitter for the kid so all the adults can enjoy christmas together.
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it would be n a h except
> help with the kid
they don't seem to be missing your company, they are missing your labor, nta.
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**nta**
you don’t need to spend christmas eve with your parents neighbours kid if you don’t want to.
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[deleted]
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nta. why should you spend your down time helping someone with a commitment they took on? holidays i spend with who doesn't drain me, i have to deal with energy sucking people all the time, on my down time, i stick to who i know i can digest and not be wicked tired after. you're allowed to wanna be mellow and they're allowed to want to babysit. you're nta for living your life and doing what makes you happy.
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the ahs here are the neighbors who'd rather pack for a trip than spend christmas eve with their 7 yo child.
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nta, i work with kids as well and what you want is perfectly reasonable. working with kids can be exhausting and you deserve to have a break with the holidays, not more work. your parents are being unreasonable, don't feel bad. enjoy your time op, happy holidays!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.000646 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my parents occasionally babysit for a neighbor's kid, and of all times, they need a babysitter on christmas eve. i (38f) was planning to visit my parents and have a nice and quiet holiday together (we live in the same city but i don't live with them). i have nothing against kids and my parents' arrangements with the neighbors don't bother me. but on christmas eve i simply don't want to share the house with a kid who is not even family. i work with kids on a daily basis, so in my free time i don't want to be around them. so i told my parents i'm not coming over. now i'm the insensitive asshole because i won't visit my parents, and subsequently help with the kid. aita for "ruining" my parents' christmas and choosing my peace and quiet over a loud visit? edit, to clarify some things: 1. the kid is seven, and apparently her parents need some downtime to pack for an out-of-town vacation. they know my folks are too nice to say no, even on christmas eve, so they are shipping the kid over for the day/afternoon. 2. we didn't have anything planned, it's just me and them for christmas. the trouble is they see the little girl as a houseguest, so they think it's rude of me to just stay out of the way and not "entertain" the kid.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my parents occasionally babysit for a neighbor's kid, and of all times, they need a babysitter on christmas eve. i (38f) was planning to visit my parents and have a nice and quiet holiday together (we live in the same city but i don't live with them). i have nothing against kids and my parents' arrangements with the neighbors don't bother me. but on christmas eve i simply don't want to share the house with a kid who is not even family. i work with kids on a daily basis, so in my free time i don't want to be around them. so i told my parents i'm not coming over. now i'm the insensitive asshole because i won't visit my parents, and subsequently help with the kid. aita for "ruining" my parents' christmas and choosing my peace and quiet over a loud visit? edit, to clarify some things: 1. the kid is seven, and apparently her parents need some downtime to pack for an out-of-town vacation. they know my folks are too nice to say no, even on christmas eve, so they are shipping the kid over for the day/afternoon. 2. we didn't have anything planned, it's just me and them for christmas. the trouble is they see the little girl as a houseguest, so they think it's rude of me to just stay out of the way and not "entertain" the kid. [/INST] nta. you work with kids all day. you wanted a quiet day w/o - your parents chose this obligation so your not ta because you don’t want to help look after a kid. </s>
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AITA For Not Telling My Friend To Hide Their Burn Scars?
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throwaway because ritchie follows me on main, although this is so specific, so ritchie, if you see this, no you didn’t.
okay, hi, i (m21) am best friends with ritchie (nb20 - they/them please). we met senior year of highschool, when we both applied to the same university, and became friends very quickly, and naturally, now that i am arranging for a party, ritchie is being invited. (gatherings are allowed here, but with restrictions on size.)
ritchie has burn scars across their arms and chest, and has had them for as long as i’ve known them. in their younger photos, they used to cover them up with make up, but recently has stopped doing so. as in the last ten months or so. they’re slowly regaining confidence, which i’m glad to see.
so, one of the party-goers messaged me, and asked me if i can ask ritchie to cover up their burn scars for the party, because scars tend to ruin the feeling of a party, and it might make others uncomfortable, and that ritchie needed to be understanding that there was a “time and place for everything.”
i told him that he can message ritchie himself, but i was absolutely not going to expect ritchie to cover up for him, or for anyone else. now this person is upset, and he called me an asshole, and i’ve received another message, saying that this was a dick move, and all he was asking for is a message to be passed along.
i’m not really sure now, because all they wanted me to do was just “tell ritchie”, and not actually force them, since, but on the other hand, i feel that since i’m not the one uncomfortable, then the uncomfortable person can message ritchie himself. (they’re friends, but i’m closer to ritchie.)
to be 100% clear, aita for refusing to even suggest to ritchie to cover up their burn scars, and telling the uncomfortable person that he can message ritchie himself and ask?
| 860 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ilrdjn/aita_for_not_telling_my_friend_to_hide_their_burn/
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2020-09-03 11:08:52
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nta. like you said, they can ask for themselves. also, how horribly entitled and insensitive to say “there’s a time and place” for someone else’s scars. yikes.
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esh. "scars tend to ruin the feeling of a party?" that's no different to saying "wheelchairs spoil the mood" or "can you wear a long-sleeved shirt so no one gets bummed out by your prosthetic arm."
since you're the one arranging the party, i do think you suck for suggesting this person message ritchie themselves, rather than just telling them "if that's the way you feel, don't come."
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nta but you need to univite the ah who wants richies scars covered.
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nta
good on you for being a supportive friend, ritchie is lucky to have you in their life.
ritchie has made a brave decision to not cover their scars when they struggled with that in the past. you, as the person they feel comfortable with, should definitely not be the one to ask them to do something like cover up.
the person who wants that to happen can very well ask ritchie himself and be seen as ta he is.
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esh- shoulda just bluntly told them 'no, my friend does no have to cover up their scars, don't body shame.'
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nta. the other person is an asshole for asking/expecting richie to cover up, and they know they're being an asshole because that's why they tried to have you ask them.
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nta
good for your friend for accepting their body, scars and all, and shame on that other person for wanting them to cover up because it’s inconvenient and being too much of a chicken to ask ritchie to cover their scars themselves.
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esh. you should have told the person to go to hell rather than send the message themselves.
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how do you even need our input here? nta.
that person was asking you to ask your friend to cover up part of their body because it might be a bummer. that's fucked up.
if ritchie was missing a limb would they be like "hey, can you have ritchie just keep their prosthetic out of sight the entire night, it's a real bummer."
fuck those people.
also, good for ritchie for regaining their confidence in their own body.
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nta. that party goer sounds absolutely awful and i would seriously suggest uninviting them!
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.139196 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway because ritchie follows me on main, although this is so specific, so ritchie, if you see this, no you didn’t. okay, hi, i (m21) am best friends with ritchie (nb20 - they/them please). we met senior year of highschool, when we both applied to the same university, and became friends very quickly, and naturally, now that i am arranging for a party, ritchie is being invited. (gatherings are allowed here, but with restrictions on size.) ritchie has burn scars across their arms and chest, and has had them for as long as i’ve known them. in their younger photos, they used to cover them up with make up, but recently has stopped doing so. as in the last ten months or so. they’re slowly regaining confidence, which i’m glad to see. so, one of the party-goers messaged me, and asked me if i can ask ritchie to cover up their burn scars for the party, because scars tend to ruin the feeling of a party, and it might make others uncomfortable, and that ritchie needed to be understanding that there was a “time and place for everything.” i told him that he can message ritchie himself, but i was absolutely not going to expect ritchie to cover up for him, or for anyone else. now this person is upset, and he called me an asshole, and i’ve received another message, saying that this was a dick move, and all he was asking for is a message to be passed along. i’m not really sure now, because all they wanted me to do was just “tell ritchie”, and not actually force them, since, but on the other hand, i feel that since i’m not the one uncomfortable, then the uncomfortable person can message ritchie himself. (they’re friends, but i’m closer to ritchie.) to be 100% clear, aita for refusing to even suggest to ritchie to cover up their burn scars, and telling the uncomfortable person that he can message ritchie himself and ask?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because ritchie follows me on main, although this is so specific, so ritchie, if you see this, no you didn’t. okay, hi, i (m21) am best friends with ritchie (nb20 - they/them please). we met senior year of highschool, when we both applied to the same university, and became friends very quickly, and naturally, now that i am arranging for a party, ritchie is being invited. (gatherings are allowed here, but with restrictions on size.) ritchie has burn scars across their arms and chest, and has had them for as long as i’ve known them. in their younger photos, they used to cover them up with make up, but recently has stopped doing so. as in the last ten months or so. they’re slowly regaining confidence, which i’m glad to see. so, one of the party-goers messaged me, and asked me if i can ask ritchie to cover up their burn scars for the party, because scars tend to ruin the feeling of a party, and it might make others uncomfortable, and that ritchie needed to be understanding that there was a “time and place for everything.” i told him that he can message ritchie himself, but i was absolutely not going to expect ritchie to cover up for him, or for anyone else. now this person is upset, and he called me an asshole, and i’ve received another message, saying that this was a dick move, and all he was asking for is a message to be passed along. i’m not really sure now, because all they wanted me to do was just “tell ritchie”, and not actually force them, since, but on the other hand, i feel that since i’m not the one uncomfortable, then the uncomfortable person can message ritchie himself. (they’re friends, but i’m closer to ritchie.) to be 100% clear, aita for refusing to even suggest to ritchie to cover up their burn scars, and telling the uncomfortable person that he can message ritchie himself and ask? [/INST] nta. like you said, they can ask for themselves. also, how horribly entitled and insensitive to say “there’s a time and place” for someone else’s scars. yikes. </s>
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WIBTA if I didn't invite in-laws to daughter's birthday?
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my in-laws do not like me, and because of that they do things that make my daughter feel like crap. if i thought they did it purposefully i would have put an end to them being involved in her life years ago but i honestly don't think they realize how much it affects her. one major way she becomes collateral damage is her birthday.
my daughters birthday has always ended with her crying because (in her words) no body cares about her. usually this is because my in-laws refuse to eat her cake since i make it and leave as fast as they can. one year they even used the wind as an excuse to leave when she hadnt even finished opening her gifts. nothing major for an adult but when you are a young kid birthdays are special and seeing people you love not want to celebrate it is devastating.
last year was the absolute worst. my daughter was turning13 and she was extra excited since she was officially a teenager. we made plans with mil to have the party in my in-laws backyard. the day of the party there was a parade which my daughter was in and the whole family went to watch. that is when my mil asked what we were doing for the party. having just discussed this very subject days before my husband and i were quite confused and irritated. i admit, my husband got more angry than was warranted but after years of having his family treat our daughter's birthday as no big deal it was the final straw. this is when shit hit the fan.
sil decides she needs to defend mom because husband is questioning how she can forget plans we just made. sil starts cussing husband out, husband is having none of it and yes right back at her. mil starts literal screaming (not words just high pitched screeching) sil threatens to punch husband, to which he dares her to do it. the reason of us were dumbfounded by the whole situation an could do nothing but watch as it all unfolded. i have never in my life seen the amount of dipshittery i saw in that 5 minutes. let me remind you, they are grown ass adults in public. it was ridiculous and humiliating.
my daughter yet again ended up crying because her birthday was ruined. i do my best to cheer her up and salvage the day but it was useless. later that night, my in-laws want to give her gifts but she is hurt and pissed off, wanting nothing to do with any of them, her father included. despite my own anger, i convince her she needs to be the bigger person. a decision i regret to this day. i taught her that she shouldn't stand up for herself when it's family being assholes.
eventually life got back to normal but this year when i asked what she wanted to do for her birthday she said she wasn't even sure she wanted a party because they always just end up making her feel like crap. that broke my heart. since they are the cause of her feeling like that wibta if we had a party and didn't my invite in-laws?
| 394 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b8jyla/wibta_if_i_didnt_invite_inlaws_to_daughters/
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2019-04-02 14:30:55
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nta-
it sounds like you’ve tried reason and they aren’t listening. i’d just let them know they won’t be invited, and explicitly and calmly tell them why.
you won’t be an asshole, but it will likely cause problems with the family. that’s just something you’ll have to account and prepare for.
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nta
your daughter's feelings come before your in-laws'. allow her to set boundaries with people who have mistreated her. it's not always about being the bigger person.
if they make it a big deal you can do something with them but have a party/plan something that doesn't include them. they don't deserve another chance to ruin her birthday.
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nta, and i see a way out. instead of a traditional birthday party do something different away from the houses which wouldn't look obvious if the in-laws and other adults (but one or two) aren't invited. for instance, does your daughter like horses? when i was 12 years old i had a quarter horse named sandy and i lived on her, was there every day after school.
why not book horseback riding for her and her friends, and have a picnic/bday cake and prezzies afterwards at a place you need not tell anyone like a park, ice cream or pizza parlor.
another idea, is she a girly girl? how about taking them to a beauty parlor to get their nails done and then take them to a tea room so they can have a tea birthday party. might be too old for that.
just find something to do, some activity away from private homes. ask your daughter to cut down her birthday list to only very special friends so whatever activity you do it will be in budget. save the money for all the food and drinks, and decorations you'd have to pay for at a normal backyard party and take them to an amusement park where they can giggle about the boys who are there. ;-) hopefully, your daughter can enjoy her 13th birthday party without all the toxic vibes this year. happy birthday, teen!
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esh!! your inlaws are clearly asses who don't give 2 shits about their grand kid/niece but you and your husband are still assholes too. why the holy fuck are you continuing to force this child to interact, especially on her fucking b'day, with people who don't care about her?? you and your husband are allowing them to continue hurting and emotionally abusing her by inviting them to things that are important to her. why?? if these people can't treat her decently, they shouldn't even be involved in her life yet you guys seem to keep forcing it. it needs to stop. you're hurting your kid by allowing others to continue to hurt her.
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nta
it's clear you daughter is very aware of her grandparents treat. she's old enough to decide who she wants at her birthday. if she doesn't want ils at her birthday so be it. you are not at fault for this and neither is your daughter they are clearly tas in this situation. just be aware that this will cause issues.
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heck no... nta
your in laws sound like petty awful people.
if you want not to stir more drama make plans where organically you wouldn't invite them. something like going to disney (lol), you get the idea. do something special for her that is more intimate or duck no, do a big party and purposely don't invite your in-laws, you are more than in your rights to do so. whatever your daughter wants.
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info
did you talk to your daughter about this? would she rather invite them? it's her birthday and she should decide. if you just decide without talking to her first, yta.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null | null | null | 0.074016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my in-laws do not like me, and because of that they do things that make my daughter feel like crap. if i thought they did it purposefully i would have put an end to them being involved in her life years ago but i honestly don't think they realize how much it affects her. one major way she becomes collateral damage is her birthday. my daughters birthday has always ended with her crying because (in her words) no body cares about her. usually this is because my in-laws refuse to eat her cake since i make it and leave as fast as they can. one year they even used the wind as an excuse to leave when she hadnt even finished opening her gifts. nothing major for an adult but when you are a young kid birthdays are special and seeing people you love not want to celebrate it is devastating. last year was the absolute worst. my daughter was turning13 and she was extra excited since she was officially a teenager. we made plans with mil to have the party in my in-laws backyard. the day of the party there was a parade which my daughter was in and the whole family went to watch. that is when my mil asked what we were doing for the party. having just discussed this very subject days before my husband and i were quite confused and irritated. i admit, my husband got more angry than was warranted but after years of having his family treat our daughter's birthday as no big deal it was the final straw. this is when shit hit the fan. sil decides she needs to defend mom because husband is questioning how she can forget plans we just made. sil starts cussing husband out, husband is having none of it and yes right back at her. mil starts literal screaming (not words just high pitched screeching) sil threatens to punch husband, to which he dares her to do it. the reason of us were dumbfounded by the whole situation an could do nothing but watch as it all unfolded. i have never in my life seen the amount of dipshittery i saw in that 5 minutes. let me remind you, they are grown ass adults in public. it was ridiculous and humiliating. my daughter yet again ended up crying because her birthday was ruined. i do my best to cheer her up and salvage the day but it was useless. later that night, my in-laws want to give her gifts but she is hurt and pissed off, wanting nothing to do with any of them, her father included. despite my own anger, i convince her she needs to be the bigger person. a decision i regret to this day. i taught her that she shouldn't stand up for herself when it's family being assholes. eventually life got back to normal but this year when i asked what she wanted to do for her birthday she said she wasn't even sure she wanted a party because they always just end up making her feel like crap. that broke my heart. since they are the cause of her feeling like that wibta if we had a party and didn't my invite in-laws?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my in-laws do not like me, and because of that they do things that make my daughter feel like crap. if i thought they did it purposefully i would have put an end to them being involved in her life years ago but i honestly don't think they realize how much it affects her. one major way she becomes collateral damage is her birthday. my daughters birthday has always ended with her crying because (in her words) no body cares about her. usually this is because my in-laws refuse to eat her cake since i make it and leave as fast as they can. one year they even used the wind as an excuse to leave when she hadnt even finished opening her gifts. nothing major for an adult but when you are a young kid birthdays are special and seeing people you love not want to celebrate it is devastating. last year was the absolute worst. my daughter was turning13 and she was extra excited since she was officially a teenager. we made plans with mil to have the party in my in-laws backyard. the day of the party there was a parade which my daughter was in and the whole family went to watch. that is when my mil asked what we were doing for the party. having just discussed this very subject days before my husband and i were quite confused and irritated. i admit, my husband got more angry than was warranted but after years of having his family treat our daughter's birthday as no big deal it was the final straw. this is when shit hit the fan. sil decides she needs to defend mom because husband is questioning how she can forget plans we just made. sil starts cussing husband out, husband is having none of it and yes right back at her. mil starts literal screaming (not words just high pitched screeching) sil threatens to punch husband, to which he dares her to do it. the reason of us were dumbfounded by the whole situation an could do nothing but watch as it all unfolded. i have never in my life seen the amount of dipshittery i saw in that 5 minutes. let me remind you, they are grown ass adults in public. it was ridiculous and humiliating. my daughter yet again ended up crying because her birthday was ruined. i do my best to cheer her up and salvage the day but it was useless. later that night, my in-laws want to give her gifts but she is hurt and pissed off, wanting nothing to do with any of them, her father included. despite my own anger, i convince her she needs to be the bigger person. a decision i regret to this day. i taught her that she shouldn't stand up for herself when it's family being assholes. eventually life got back to normal but this year when i asked what she wanted to do for her birthday she said she wasn't even sure she wanted a party because they always just end up making her feel like crap. that broke my heart. since they are the cause of her feeling like that wibta if we had a party and didn't my invite in-laws? [/INST] nta- it sounds like you’ve tried reason and they aren’t listening. i’d just let them know they won’t be invited, and explicitly and calmly tell them why. you won’t be an asshole, but it will likely cause problems with the family. that’s just something you’ll have to account and prepare for. </s>
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AITA for tipping the other tables waiter?
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i took my family out to a sit-down restaurant last evening, and our waiter was terrible. he took forever getting to us and taking our drink orders, then took even longer bringing them out. the drinks he brought out were wrong, so we had to wait again. then we waited forever to place our entree orders.
a waitress at the table next across from us noticed us sitting at a table without even water in front of us and stopped by and repeatedly to check on us and covered for our waiter - she was the one who eventually took our entree orders. she also brought out refills for my kids twice while our server was playing on his phone next to the bar.
the food was fine - but our server never checked in on us after bringing it out. i had to request help from passing busboys and other waiters.
the restaurant was not busy that night - it was only half full, and there was plenty of waitstaff - our server was not overworked, and the bar was not backed up. i know this because i repeatedly saw him sitting casually at the empty bar talking with the bartender for several minutes.
after waiting over 10 minutes for the check, i went up to the hostess to request it again. our waiter, who had been chatting with someone in front of the kitchen saw me and finally seemed to remember that i had asked him for the check and came over to print it out.
i left him a $0.01 tip.
then i went to the table with the helpful waitress, and said “our service was terrible, but your waitress helped us out a lot. could you give this to her?”, they happily agreed, and i left cash for a 40% tip for her.
my wife was horrified that i did that - she just wanted me to stiff the lazy waiter.
so... aita?
----
| 664 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c2w1cw/aita_for_tipping_the_other_tables_waiter/
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2019-06-20 13:29:12
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nta. she provided you with service, she deserves a tip.
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nta
suspect i am very cynical but i wouldn't have trusted that other table to a) not pocket your money or b) use your tip instead of giving their own tip. nice gesture though, i hope she got it!
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nta. you were served by two waiters and you tipped what you felt they earned. honestly, you didn’t *have* to tip her, so i think it was really nice. total opposite of an asshole
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nta : anyone can tip anyone, though making a grandiose gesture might have embarrassed your wife? i'm sure the helpful waitress appreciates knowing that her going above her duties was recognized. you were kind, good, etc, though 40% is **very** kind and generous.
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nta........ how could you be, you've given recognition to a waitress who went above her duties to help you as you wasn't her table. it's nice that you left her a tip and she's probably really greatful for the unexpected generosity.
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nta
you can tip however you see fit, so if they were rude and ignored you, then their will reflect that. if someone else helped you and not your actual server, then you should tip her, as she basically took over for your table. you, my good sir (i assume), are most certainly not the asshole
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nta - i feel really conflicted about this because tips are the way they make their living as they get bare nothing on a hourly wage usually.
however, if he was legit not doing his job then why should he get paid for something he didn't do? rewarding someone who gave you good service isn't a bad thing, but it might cause some in house drama.
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nta - she helped out as much as she could along with serving her own tables and therefore deserved the tip you gave her! she probably really appreciated you noticing that she had gone out of her way to help you out.
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nta but you should have gave it to her directly as told her why. it’s more than likely that the people kept your money and tipped her less or gave her your tip ad didn’t tip themselves.
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nta
you rewarded good service and rejected bad service. the so-called waiter standing around chatting is a total asshole.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i took my family out to a sit-down restaurant last evening, and our waiter was terrible. he took forever getting to us and taking our drink orders, then took even longer bringing them out. the drinks he brought out were wrong, so we had to wait again. then we waited forever to place our entree orders. a waitress at the table next across from us noticed us sitting at a table without even water in front of us and stopped by and repeatedly to check on us and covered for our waiter - she was the one who eventually took our entree orders. she also brought out refills for my kids twice while our server was playing on his phone next to the bar. the food was fine - but our server never checked in on us after bringing it out. i had to request help from passing busboys and other waiters. the restaurant was not busy that night - it was only half full, and there was plenty of waitstaff - our server was not overworked, and the bar was not backed up. i know this because i repeatedly saw him sitting casually at the empty bar talking with the bartender for several minutes. after waiting over 10 minutes for the check, i went up to the hostess to request it again. our waiter, who had been chatting with someone in front of the kitchen saw me and finally seemed to remember that i had asked him for the check and came over to print it out. i left him a $0.01 tip. then i went to the table with the helpful waitress, and said “our service was terrible, but your waitress helped us out a lot. could you give this to her?”, they happily agreed, and i left cash for a 40% tip for her. my wife was horrified that i did that - she just wanted me to stiff the lazy waiter. so... aita? ----
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i took my family out to a sit-down restaurant last evening, and our waiter was terrible. he took forever getting to us and taking our drink orders, then took even longer bringing them out. the drinks he brought out were wrong, so we had to wait again. then we waited forever to place our entree orders. a waitress at the table next across from us noticed us sitting at a table without even water in front of us and stopped by and repeatedly to check on us and covered for our waiter - she was the one who eventually took our entree orders. she also brought out refills for my kids twice while our server was playing on his phone next to the bar. the food was fine - but our server never checked in on us after bringing it out. i had to request help from passing busboys and other waiters. the restaurant was not busy that night - it was only half full, and there was plenty of waitstaff - our server was not overworked, and the bar was not backed up. i know this because i repeatedly saw him sitting casually at the empty bar talking with the bartender for several minutes. after waiting over 10 minutes for the check, i went up to the hostess to request it again. our waiter, who had been chatting with someone in front of the kitchen saw me and finally seemed to remember that i had asked him for the check and came over to print it out. i left him a $0.01 tip. then i went to the table with the helpful waitress, and said “our service was terrible, but your waitress helped us out a lot. could you give this to her?”, they happily agreed, and i left cash for a 40% tip for her. my wife was horrified that i did that - she just wanted me to stiff the lazy waiter. so... aita? ---- [/INST] nta. she provided you with service, she deserves a tip. </s>
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AITA for calling out my Wife's friend's husband for having a micropenis?
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alright, to avoid confusion:
me=me (or first person)
my wife= wife
her friend= megan
megan's husband= alex
&#x200b;
so long story short, we all live in a city that's surrounded by farms. i grew up here, i worked on my uncle's farm all of my youth life.
&#x200b;
he met megan in college. she's from here. i met my wife in college and she came here with me after college.
&#x200b;
megan's parents own a farm. alex worked there for a bit. then quit and now he's a used car salesman cause he went to college for sales.
&#x200b;
my wife and megan became friends because they both are into crafts and met at a crafts store.
&#x200b;
my wife told me that megan told her that alex had a "way below average" dick. which my wife told me in confidence. and i learned that both alex and megan were virgins, because they're i guess super christian, (like the wait until marriage type).
&#x200b;
my wife also told me that after they were married, apparently, they both agreed that masturbation was okay. and megan, who'd only been with one guy, who was small; learned that there were men out there that were much larger.
&#x200b;
i hosted a bbq yesterday, alex and megan showed up late. but what they came here in was a monstrosity.
alex and megan showed up in a truck, which was a gmc but idk what model, that was the biggest truck i've ever seen. i've seen trucks that are lifted 9" with 38" tires and this thing was bigger. i thought it was a truck that was on his lot. until i saw the paper plates on it and it was a different dealership.
&#x200b;
then he spend a good 45 min talking about the truck he bought and shit. saying it was lifted over a foot and it had "the biggest tires i can legally have". and every time i tried to ask questions about it, he was just like "you don't know about it, you're not from the country".
&#x200b;
so i got a little mad, and also i was a little drunk, so for someone who grew up in some shithole in wa called spokane to tell me that i don't know about country life just because i don't dress in flannels and cowboy boots... like that made me mad.
&#x200b;
so i asked him if he bought the truck because of his microdick. he got really red.
&#x200b;
he looked at megan, then i looked at my wife and she was giving the worst of death glares. it's been less than 24 hours and my wife is still giving me the cold shoulder.
&#x200b;
so, aita?
| 6,713 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ff6ooa/aita_for_calling_out_my_wifes_friends_husband_for/
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2020-03-08 03:24:13
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yta. man, that's just really immature. also... saying that you were a little drunk isn't an excuse for anything.
"a drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts."
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super yta...… blaming being drunk is no excuse. you spilled the beans on something very private. you probably lost your wife one of her very close friends. i truly doubt that the friendship could continue. not only did you hurt that couple, but you hurt your wife. you're easily the asshole.
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esh except for alex. megan for telling your wife, your wife for telling you, and you for being drunk, jealous & rude to a guest at your home. grow up.
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yta!!! you massively escalated things with alex for no reason, you might have thrown a wrench into megan and alex's marriage, and you *definitely* damaged your wife's ability to tell you anything in confidence. but hey, you won the truck argument. totally worth it, right?
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yes, yta.
in a variety of ways.
how can you have any doubt about it?
telling a secret told in confidence by your wife?
insulting a friend?
embarrassing your spouse?
wow.
serious ah move.
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here’s a tip. if you’re saying something because you’re mad at someone, it’s almost always an unnecessarily small gesture. using someone’s penis size (which you shouldn’t even know) as an insult against them is some seriously misguided thinking and it’s a dick move.
yta.
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yta. are you 12? that was not at all necessary.
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esh.
1) you 100% should not have shared that information ever. especially not at a bbq with other guests. that was super inappropriate and alcohol is a bad excuse.
2) your wife should not have shared that information with you (it was not hers to share).
3) alex sucks for dismissing your attempts at being interested based on you 'not being from the country'. but you could also have left the conversation.
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yta. you are a douche. making excuses like you were drunk doesn't help your case either.
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yta. there is literally no way you are not the ah. don’t talk about other people’s genitals. damn.
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.002 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: alright, to avoid confusion: me=me (or first person) my wife= wife her friend= megan megan's husband= alex &#x200b; so long story short, we all live in a city that's surrounded by farms. i grew up here, i worked on my uncle's farm all of my youth life. &#x200b; he met megan in college. she's from here. i met my wife in college and she came here with me after college. &#x200b; megan's parents own a farm. alex worked there for a bit. then quit and now he's a used car salesman cause he went to college for sales. &#x200b; my wife and megan became friends because they both are into crafts and met at a crafts store. &#x200b; my wife told me that megan told her that alex had a "way below average" dick. which my wife told me in confidence. and i learned that both alex and megan were virgins, because they're i guess super christian, (like the wait until marriage type). &#x200b; my wife also told me that after they were married, apparently, they both agreed that masturbation was okay. and megan, who'd only been with one guy, who was small; learned that there were men out there that were much larger. &#x200b; i hosted a bbq yesterday, alex and megan showed up late. but what they came here in was a monstrosity. alex and megan showed up in a truck, which was a gmc but idk what model, that was the biggest truck i've ever seen. i've seen trucks that are lifted 9" with 38" tires and this thing was bigger. i thought it was a truck that was on his lot. until i saw the paper plates on it and it was a different dealership. &#x200b; then he spend a good 45 min talking about the truck he bought and shit. saying it was lifted over a foot and it had "the biggest tires i can legally have". and every time i tried to ask questions about it, he was just like "you don't know about it, you're not from the country". &#x200b; so i got a little mad, and also i was a little drunk, so for someone who grew up in some shithole in wa called spokane to tell me that i don't know about country life just because i don't dress in flannels and cowboy boots... like that made me mad. &#x200b; so i asked him if he bought the truck because of his microdick. he got really red. &#x200b; he looked at megan, then i looked at my wife and she was giving the worst of death glares. it's been less than 24 hours and my wife is still giving me the cold shoulder. &#x200b; so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
alright, to avoid confusion: me=me (or first person) my wife= wife her friend= megan megan's husband= alex &#x200b; so long story short, we all live in a city that's surrounded by farms. i grew up here, i worked on my uncle's farm all of my youth life. &#x200b; he met megan in college. she's from here. i met my wife in college and she came here with me after college. &#x200b; megan's parents own a farm. alex worked there for a bit. then quit and now he's a used car salesman cause he went to college for sales. &#x200b; my wife and megan became friends because they both are into crafts and met at a crafts store. &#x200b; my wife told me that megan told her that alex had a "way below average" dick. which my wife told me in confidence. and i learned that both alex and megan were virgins, because they're i guess super christian, (like the wait until marriage type). &#x200b; my wife also told me that after they were married, apparently, they both agreed that masturbation was okay. and megan, who'd only been with one guy, who was small; learned that there were men out there that were much larger. &#x200b; i hosted a bbq yesterday, alex and megan showed up late. but what they came here in was a monstrosity. alex and megan showed up in a truck, which was a gmc but idk what model, that was the biggest truck i've ever seen. i've seen trucks that are lifted 9" with 38" tires and this thing was bigger. i thought it was a truck that was on his lot. until i saw the paper plates on it and it was a different dealership. &#x200b; then he spend a good 45 min talking about the truck he bought and shit. saying it was lifted over a foot and it had "the biggest tires i can legally have". and every time i tried to ask questions about it, he was just like "you don't know about it, you're not from the country". &#x200b; so i got a little mad, and also i was a little drunk, so for someone who grew up in some shithole in wa called spokane to tell me that i don't know about country life just because i don't dress in flannels and cowboy boots... like that made me mad. &#x200b; so i asked him if he bought the truck because of his microdick. he got really red. &#x200b; he looked at megan, then i looked at my wife and she was giving the worst of death glares. it's been less than 24 hours and my wife is still giving me the cold shoulder. &#x200b; so, aita? [/INST] yta. man, that's just really immature. also... saying that you were a little drunk isn't an excuse for anything. "a drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts." </s>
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AITA for being mad my husband wants to spend $450 dollars to put his brother in yet another rehab?
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my husbands brother is in his late 40’s. he’s struggled with drugs since he was 16. my history with him started when i was dating my husband over 16 years ago. on one instance, i had to hide in a closet for hours because his brother was trying to fight and destroy everything and everyone. when he finally walked far enough away, my then boyfriend and i made a mad dash to the door to escape and call 911. i didn’t even have time to grab shoes. throughout the last 16 years, my in laws have spent upwards of $40k on rehab’s, legal issues, taking care of his son who he doesn’t have custody of nor takes care of, hotel rooms so he doesn’t freeze to death, food so he doesn’t starve, ect ect. he’ll be normal for a period of time, but it never lasts. the last time my in laws let him stay at their house, they had to flee to a neighbors home and watch as swat shut down their street and took down their son in their driveway. this was just a few years ago. he has shown up at my house randomly, high on drugs, the most recent time he did randomly showed up, was just this year. we have 2 kids. i’ve had to teach them to hide and lock the doors and not let him in if he shows up. my in laws paid for a 7th rehab this year, but he was removed from the rehab due to his anger and trying to fight someone. he’s currently back in jail, on drug charges and simple battery. my husband and i are not well off. i just went back to work after being laid off. we’re climbing out of a rough patch ourselves. our family could use that $450 dollars. the kids will be going back to school soon, we would like to save for a vacation, we could pay more on our bills, ect. my in laws have finally drawn a line in the sand and they are not willing to pay any more money. am i the asshole for being mad and telling my husband to spend our money on his brother?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vsraqy/aita_for_being_mad_my_husband_wants_to_spend_450/
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2022-07-06 14:27:33
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nta.
i speak from experience; some people cannot be helped. it sucks and it's heartbreaking, especially when they're family. but your kids come first. if more than $40k has already been spent on him, that $450 is not going to make any difference.
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nta
your husbands family have been enabling him for years and it’s clearly not working. it’s taken 20+ years for his parents to finally reach their breaking point, your husband needs to follow suit because nothing is going to change.
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nta - i have a family member like that. my step-brother in fact. around his 7th or 8th rehab, the director of the facility told my parents to stop helping him. stop paying. because he subconsciously relies on y’all helping. he has to make things right by himself. it was hard but my parents did that. not even answering the phone. it lasted for about a year. he then got a room to rent and a small job.
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your husband - and you, to a lesser extent - are putting y'all's kids at risk. simple battery? swat teams? removed from treatment because of anger issues? teaching your kids to lock doors and hide? hiding in a closet yourself? all for a guy who is not going to get better?
nta for finally drawing a line, but i hope you realize that you have, in small part, enabled it to get to this point. i grew up with abusive and destructive alcoholics, so i have inkling of what your kids have gone through, what you have brought into their lives.
follow your inlaws lead. refuse to enable him further. put your kids and their safety first.
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nta
at some point you just need to give up on people who have shown their true colors time and time again. the brother is not putting in the effort to get better. you guys need to focus on helping yourselves before trying to help other. my partner and i are kind of on the same boat with his older sister and at some point you need to stop letting it affect your life, they chose the path that they live on especially after being offered help so many times. he's too grown to be acting like that. as i tell my partner "you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped".
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nta.
it would make more sense to spend a portion of that getting a restraining order to keep him away from your family than to throw it into the money pit that is rehab for the brother. after over $40k in costs, another $450 isn't going to make the slightest bit of difference.
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nta - your bil has some significant issues. use the $450 on a restraining order at the very least, but you can't "throw good money after bad."
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absolutely nta.
100% nta.
your husband has to keep the line your in-laws have set.
do not spend 1 red cent on that man.
do not let him in your house.
call the police on sight and get a restraining order if needed. he's been violent before the court will grant it.
take self defence classes. be it martial arts, fire arms, or bear spray.. if you tell any martial arts instructor your situation they will help you with moves to protect your self.
it's time for tough love. he's learned he can plead sorry, then go right back to it.
you can not change him. no amount of rehab will change him until he hits bottom. he's always had a safety net in family. time to remove it and let him face his truth.
i'm the adult child of a addict/alcoholic..spare your kids.
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rehab for $450 sounds like a bargain.
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nta. talk to your husband and his parents about attending al anon meetings or some kind of support system for **families of addicts**. al anon has meetings all over the world and they can help you with mental and behavioral tools that can be used to start saying no to his brother. you also may want to talk to someone who can help **you** to learn how to deal with a family member who is an addict, addiction can poison an entire family, even the satellite members (this would be you because you are in very close proximity, but not blood related).
addicts tend to create chaos wherever they are, that is part of the disease. they also don't get better until they decide they are sick and wake up that addiction is an illness and they need help to get and remain sober and clean. it's a hard disease to watch your loved ones suffer, because it is difficult to understand how they can keep using, even as everything is falling apart around them. they either hit "rock bottom" and actually change, or sometimes, they never change because the substance just has such a deep hold on them that they simply can't let go, and end up dying because of it.
as long as his brother is being enabled and rescued, he will not take responsibility for his disease. your husband needs to go tough love and cut him off and let him be homeless. the thing is, rescuing him does not help him, it is called enabling and it is really hard to stop because you love that person, and you want to help. but the **best thing your husband can do, is turn his back on his brother and refuse contact at all costs**, no matter what. if he shows up, call the police because he is trespassing. he will never recover if people keep being responsible for him. he needs the cold hard truth of being homeless and having no food or shelter in order to get him to wake up. you have to let him hit rock bottom and rescuing him prevents that, every. single. time.
my mom was an alcoholic and only tried a few times over the course of forty years to get help, in the end it killed her. when i was in my mid twenties, i had fantasies about how to "get rid of her" because she just created so much chaos and drama and left me to clean it up. i confided in a friend that i thought about offing my mom and he was like, "no, you can't let her disease affect your mental health, you need to call these people". if it wasn't for al anon, i'd probably be in prison because i had made plans to get rid of her and make it look like an "accident"...her illness affected me that much...scary to admit that now, but at the time, i thought it was a solution, i knew it was extreme,, and not really a good solution, but it felt like i had no other way to stop the chaos at the time. i didn't have the tools to deal with it mentally and emotionally and al anon meetings gave me those tools by talking to others like me. they are a really good place to go and get some answers and to learn how to stop letting the addict's behavior affect your life.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husbands brother is in his late 40’s. he’s struggled with drugs since he was 16. my history with him started when i was dating my husband over 16 years ago. on one instance, i had to hide in a closet for hours because his brother was trying to fight and destroy everything and everyone. when he finally walked far enough away, my then boyfriend and i made a mad dash to the door to escape and call 911. i didn’t even have time to grab shoes. throughout the last 16 years, my in laws have spent upwards of $40k on rehab’s, legal issues, taking care of his son who he doesn’t have custody of nor takes care of, hotel rooms so he doesn’t freeze to death, food so he doesn’t starve, ect ect. he’ll be normal for a period of time, but it never lasts. the last time my in laws let him stay at their house, they had to flee to a neighbors home and watch as swat shut down their street and took down their son in their driveway. this was just a few years ago. he has shown up at my house randomly, high on drugs, the most recent time he did randomly showed up, was just this year. we have 2 kids. i’ve had to teach them to hide and lock the doors and not let him in if he shows up. my in laws paid for a 7th rehab this year, but he was removed from the rehab due to his anger and trying to fight someone. he’s currently back in jail, on drug charges and simple battery. my husband and i are not well off. i just went back to work after being laid off. we’re climbing out of a rough patch ourselves. our family could use that $450 dollars. the kids will be going back to school soon, we would like to save for a vacation, we could pay more on our bills, ect. my in laws have finally drawn a line in the sand and they are not willing to pay any more money. am i the asshole for being mad and telling my husband to spend our money on his brother?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husbands brother is in his late 40’s. he’s struggled with drugs since he was 16. my history with him started when i was dating my husband over 16 years ago. on one instance, i had to hide in a closet for hours because his brother was trying to fight and destroy everything and everyone. when he finally walked far enough away, my then boyfriend and i made a mad dash to the door to escape and call 911. i didn’t even have time to grab shoes. throughout the last 16 years, my in laws have spent upwards of $40k on rehab’s, legal issues, taking care of his son who he doesn’t have custody of nor takes care of, hotel rooms so he doesn’t freeze to death, food so he doesn’t starve, ect ect. he’ll be normal for a period of time, but it never lasts. the last time my in laws let him stay at their house, they had to flee to a neighbors home and watch as swat shut down their street and took down their son in their driveway. this was just a few years ago. he has shown up at my house randomly, high on drugs, the most recent time he did randomly showed up, was just this year. we have 2 kids. i’ve had to teach them to hide and lock the doors and not let him in if he shows up. my in laws paid for a 7th rehab this year, but he was removed from the rehab due to his anger and trying to fight someone. he’s currently back in jail, on drug charges and simple battery. my husband and i are not well off. i just went back to work after being laid off. we’re climbing out of a rough patch ourselves. our family could use that $450 dollars. the kids will be going back to school soon, we would like to save for a vacation, we could pay more on our bills, ect. my in laws have finally drawn a line in the sand and they are not willing to pay any more money. am i the asshole for being mad and telling my husband to spend our money on his brother? [/INST] nta. i speak from experience; some people cannot be helped. it sucks and it's heartbreaking, especially when they're family. but your kids come first. if more than $40k has already been spent on him, that $450 is not going to make any difference. </s>
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WIBTA if I call my new nephew by his middle name instead of his first name?
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one of my sisters and i have been fighting with each other for a few months. she’s kind of a piece of work. “woke” but totally unable to see or respect someone else’s point of view. very controlling. is incapable of treating me like an adult (she’s 7 years older) because “she feels like i’m one of her children” (i’m in my 30s, she moved out of the house when i was 10).
real friction started when i had my son a few years ago and stopped letting her control the show. just going along with things was fine when it was just me, but, now i have a child to model for. this turned into her constantly interrupting, yelling at me, negging me, telling me i was doing everyone wrong (ex: i am telling a very intimate story about my life, she interrupts and goes on a tirade about how the way i said one thing is wrong). i would try opening up conversation about it with her, but it was like she went deaf whenever i brought things up.
flash forward a couple years of this and i hit a breaking point. we have a particularly fucking horrible visit. i stop responding to her texts for maybe 2 weeks— not the best, i know, but i needed a fucking break to clear my anger out before i can respond. she starts sending me aggressive things about how i can’t “ghost her”, i respond saying that the last visit was really bad for me and i need time to clear before working with her about it. she basically keeps agro poking me.
this devolves into us basically not speaking. i’ve tried emailing her about my experience to have a dialogue. she responds and doesn’t recognize anything i’ve said, shifts blame, and victim plays. in our last exchange a month or two ago we agreed to take a break until her new baby is a few months ago.
she has baby, a month after baby is born she emails me that she is naming him my son’s name.
i talk to my partner. we both don’t like this and it makes us feel really uncomfortable. i write that back. i spend an hour talking on the phone with my bil about the reasons and layers my partner and i feel hurt and uncomfortable with this.
they name him that anyway.
now... i’m in a bit of a “fuck all y’all” emotional state. at this point i’m not sure if i’ll even meet new baby, but, i hurt every time i think of calling him my son’s name.
my son has a very unique name. it’s meaning is deeply meaningful to my partner and i. and, we are jews (naming after a living person isn’t done).
wibta if i call new nephew his middle name?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ckq1ri/wibta_if_i_call_my_new_nephew_by_his_middle_name/
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2019-08-01 15:43:38
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nta. your sister sure is a piece of work though
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esh.
i’m jewish, too, so i understand the taboo about giving a child the same name as a living relative. to explain a little for our gentile friends, ashkenazi jewish tradition is to name babies after deceased relatives; giving a baby the same name as a living relative is superstitiously believed to be sort of like wishing death on the older relative. so, your sister is definitely a huge asshole.
but how religious are you, really? did you name your son after a deceased relative? do you actually feel like your son’s life or well-being is threatened by this? do you believe your sister bears any ill will toward your son?
if you’re uncomfortable using the first name, give the child a nickname and use that. i think using his middle name would be confusing to the child and disrespectful to him. the child is innocent. don’t put him in the middle of this fight between adults. also, this issue is never going to be resolved in the way that you want, so there’s no point in digging in your heels and dragging out the disagreement.
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nta, i would take the approach of giving him a cute nickname that only you call him. this way the situation stays positive for you and your nephew because he’s your little bubs or something like that.
the goal is to keep your relationship with your nephew positive and if your sister doesn’t like the nickname, she can go shit that brick lodged in her ass.
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nta. i wouldn’t call the kid anything, because i’d cut ties altogether with your toxic sister.
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[deleted]
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this is a tough one. i actually gasped when i read she named her kid the same name as her own nephew. i won't even use the same name as a friends friends kid. i don't think you should call your nephew by his middle name because it will be confusing to him. having a cousin with the same name will also be confusing... what a mess. i foresee most of your family calling him some sort of nickname or variation of his name, logistically its going to be way to difficult for the whole family for them both to have the exact same name. give it time and see how it plays out. sounds like you won't be seeing much of her or the baby soon anyway. nta.
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as a fellow jew (conservative towards reform) this is a huge no-no. a unique name? this was intentionally done. my name is not that common, in judaism at least, but if my cousins had a kid and named them my name, i would be hella pissed. nta.
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nta. your story makes me wonder why you still talk to or see her at all.
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>and, we are jews (naming after a living person isn’t done).
i can second this. as someone who is culturally jewish, i was taught naming someone after a living person is like wishing them death. i get that reddit doesn't always see "name stealing" as the thing, but considering the details and the cultural background this is pretty obnoxious.
nta, sorry about your sister.
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nta
in jewish culture naming someone after someone who is alive is a big no no. the superstition is that if you name person b after person a, you’re rushing person a closer to their grave.
time to stay the hell away from her.
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: one of my sisters and i have been fighting with each other for a few months. she’s kind of a piece of work. “woke” but totally unable to see or respect someone else’s point of view. very controlling. is incapable of treating me like an adult (she’s 7 years older) because “she feels like i’m one of her children” (i’m in my 30s, she moved out of the house when i was 10). real friction started when i had my son a few years ago and stopped letting her control the show. just going along with things was fine when it was just me, but, now i have a child to model for. this turned into her constantly interrupting, yelling at me, negging me, telling me i was doing everyone wrong (ex: i am telling a very intimate story about my life, she interrupts and goes on a tirade about how the way i said one thing is wrong). i would try opening up conversation about it with her, but it was like she went deaf whenever i brought things up. flash forward a couple years of this and i hit a breaking point. we have a particularly fucking horrible visit. i stop responding to her texts for maybe 2 weeks— not the best, i know, but i needed a fucking break to clear my anger out before i can respond. she starts sending me aggressive things about how i can’t “ghost her”, i respond saying that the last visit was really bad for me and i need time to clear before working with her about it. she basically keeps agro poking me. this devolves into us basically not speaking. i’ve tried emailing her about my experience to have a dialogue. she responds and doesn’t recognize anything i’ve said, shifts blame, and victim plays. in our last exchange a month or two ago we agreed to take a break until her new baby is a few months ago. she has baby, a month after baby is born she emails me that she is naming him my son’s name. i talk to my partner. we both don’t like this and it makes us feel really uncomfortable. i write that back. i spend an hour talking on the phone with my bil about the reasons and layers my partner and i feel hurt and uncomfortable with this. they name him that anyway. now... i’m in a bit of a “fuck all y’all” emotional state. at this point i’m not sure if i’ll even meet new baby, but, i hurt every time i think of calling him my son’s name. my son has a very unique name. it’s meaning is deeply meaningful to my partner and i. and, we are jews (naming after a living person isn’t done). wibta if i call new nephew his middle name?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
one of my sisters and i have been fighting with each other for a few months. she’s kind of a piece of work. “woke” but totally unable to see or respect someone else’s point of view. very controlling. is incapable of treating me like an adult (she’s 7 years older) because “she feels like i’m one of her children” (i’m in my 30s, she moved out of the house when i was 10). real friction started when i had my son a few years ago and stopped letting her control the show. just going along with things was fine when it was just me, but, now i have a child to model for. this turned into her constantly interrupting, yelling at me, negging me, telling me i was doing everyone wrong (ex: i am telling a very intimate story about my life, she interrupts and goes on a tirade about how the way i said one thing is wrong). i would try opening up conversation about it with her, but it was like she went deaf whenever i brought things up. flash forward a couple years of this and i hit a breaking point. we have a particularly fucking horrible visit. i stop responding to her texts for maybe 2 weeks— not the best, i know, but i needed a fucking break to clear my anger out before i can respond. she starts sending me aggressive things about how i can’t “ghost her”, i respond saying that the last visit was really bad for me and i need time to clear before working with her about it. she basically keeps agro poking me. this devolves into us basically not speaking. i’ve tried emailing her about my experience to have a dialogue. she responds and doesn’t recognize anything i’ve said, shifts blame, and victim plays. in our last exchange a month or two ago we agreed to take a break until her new baby is a few months ago. she has baby, a month after baby is born she emails me that she is naming him my son’s name. i talk to my partner. we both don’t like this and it makes us feel really uncomfortable. i write that back. i spend an hour talking on the phone with my bil about the reasons and layers my partner and i feel hurt and uncomfortable with this. they name him that anyway. now... i’m in a bit of a “fuck all y’all” emotional state. at this point i’m not sure if i’ll even meet new baby, but, i hurt every time i think of calling him my son’s name. my son has a very unique name. it’s meaning is deeply meaningful to my partner and i. and, we are jews (naming after a living person isn’t done). wibta if i call new nephew his middle name? [/INST] nta. your sister sure is a piece of work though </s>
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AITA for not wanting a certain friend to be my roommate?
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my [18f] boyfriend [18m] and i have been together for 2 years and are moving out together soon. he sort of wants a roommate to help pay rent and everything, but none of our friends want to do it except one.
i've known this friend longer than i've known my boyfriend, and he has always made me very uncomfortable. he used to be really into me and would just generally be creepy. he's gotten better about it, but i just have this gut feeling that it won't turn out good and it makes me very, very deeply uncomfortable, partially because of some past experiences.
i don't want this to seem like my boyfriend is just being a dick. he is not. his reasoning for this is that it will take a pretty good chunk out of what we have to pay, and he likes said friend. i see how it might be nice, but i've been calculating my ass off and we'd both have a good 4 or 5 hundred or more each month after paying rent, groceries, etc.
it's a good reason, but i just have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that screams this is an awful idea. i can honestly barely stand to be around this person more than an hour or two, and he makes me deeply uncomfortable. this is stressing me out so much and every time i try to talk to him about it he gets mad, even if he's the one who brings up talking about it. this is to the point where it makes me not want to even live with my boyfriend, but my home life is so draining and stressful that either one sounds awful. i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
tl;dr: my friend makes me very deeply uncomfortable but my partner sees it as absolutely necessary that we let him move in.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gga3z1/aita_for_not_wanting_a_certain_friend_to_be_my/
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2020-05-09 06:09:55
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nta. you are a member of this house just as much as he is. any additions need to have a 100 percent backing from both of you. home is where you need to relax and rest and if this friend of yours can’t allow you to do that, he’s not fit to be your roommate.
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[deleted]
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nta. then this is a huge red flag and you need to be very open and honest with your boyfriend. you may want to get out of a bad living situation but if you and your boyfriend are moving in together for the first time it’s going to be stressful to begin with. adding a whole other level onto it is just a recipe for disaster. let him know how you feel. if your boyfriend still doesn’t respect this maybe you need to consider whether or not living with him is a good idea.
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nta - while i can see and totally understand the cost-effectiveness of having a roommate, you are well within your rights to establish the boundary of who you want or don’t want in your own home. no one should ever feel uncomfortable in their own home.
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i have to admit, i'm really stuck on
1) why you're 'friends' with someone who makes you so uncomfortable
2) why your bf even wants to share a house with you and someone who used to have a thing for you. (the way op tells it, 'friend' still has a crush, but toned it down so they wouldn't be cut off completely.) when my husband and i first got together 7+ years ago, i had a 'friend' who had a crush on me and made a few half-hearted efforts to 'settle' for being 'friends' but it kept coming up again. now-husband eventually told him to get lost (but not that politely) and 'friend' did us all a favour and refused to have anything to do with me. i can't imagine husband ever wanting a situation where the 'friend' had all-hours access to me, got to do day-to-day house stuff with me, had the opportunities to 'accidentally' walk in on me etc.
3) why bf is so dismissive of op's feelings. 'that person makes me uncomfortable, i don't want to live with them' should make it the end of the discussion, regardless of the reasons. as far as living with a person goes, you have to both at least be able to live with them. you both have absolute veto for whatever reason you like.
i haven't read all the comments so i apologise if this has been covered, but is it an option to find a smaller place, like a one bedroom unit?
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nta. feeling comfortable and safe is a priority in setting up a healthy living situation.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my [18f] boyfriend [18m] and i have been together for 2 years and are moving out together soon. he sort of wants a roommate to help pay rent and everything, but none of our friends want to do it except one. i've known this friend longer than i've known my boyfriend, and he has always made me very uncomfortable. he used to be really into me and would just generally be creepy. he's gotten better about it, but i just have this gut feeling that it won't turn out good and it makes me very, very deeply uncomfortable, partially because of some past experiences. i don't want this to seem like my boyfriend is just being a dick. he is not. his reasoning for this is that it will take a pretty good chunk out of what we have to pay, and he likes said friend. i see how it might be nice, but i've been calculating my ass off and we'd both have a good 4 or 5 hundred or more each month after paying rent, groceries, etc. it's a good reason, but i just have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that screams this is an awful idea. i can honestly barely stand to be around this person more than an hour or two, and he makes me deeply uncomfortable. this is stressing me out so much and every time i try to talk to him about it he gets mad, even if he's the one who brings up talking about it. this is to the point where it makes me not want to even live with my boyfriend, but my home life is so draining and stressful that either one sounds awful. i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. tl;dr: my friend makes me very deeply uncomfortable but my partner sees it as absolutely necessary that we let him move in.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my [18f] boyfriend [18m] and i have been together for 2 years and are moving out together soon. he sort of wants a roommate to help pay rent and everything, but none of our friends want to do it except one. i've known this friend longer than i've known my boyfriend, and he has always made me very uncomfortable. he used to be really into me and would just generally be creepy. he's gotten better about it, but i just have this gut feeling that it won't turn out good and it makes me very, very deeply uncomfortable, partially because of some past experiences. i don't want this to seem like my boyfriend is just being a dick. he is not. his reasoning for this is that it will take a pretty good chunk out of what we have to pay, and he likes said friend. i see how it might be nice, but i've been calculating my ass off and we'd both have a good 4 or 5 hundred or more each month after paying rent, groceries, etc. it's a good reason, but i just have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that screams this is an awful idea. i can honestly barely stand to be around this person more than an hour or two, and he makes me deeply uncomfortable. this is stressing me out so much and every time i try to talk to him about it he gets mad, even if he's the one who brings up talking about it. this is to the point where it makes me not want to even live with my boyfriend, but my home life is so draining and stressful that either one sounds awful. i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. tl;dr: my friend makes me very deeply uncomfortable but my partner sees it as absolutely necessary that we let him move in. [/INST] nta. you are a member of this house just as much as he is. any additions need to have a 100 percent backing from both of you. home is where you need to relax and rest and if this friend of yours can’t allow you to do that, he’s not fit to be your roommate. </s>
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AITA for not having my brother and his wife over for dinner?
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my brother is recently married, and bought a large house with his wife this past year. since then, they've had the family (my parents, my other brother and his wife and kids, me and my husband and two kids) over for gatherings twice.
my house is another matter. it's tiny, cluttered with kid and dog stuff, in a near-permanent state of ongoing renos as my husband has problems finishing projects. there are literal holes in the walls. further, i have a significant mental illness (for which i am medicated and in therapy) and strongly suspected asd, and as a result i have severe executive disfunction issues that make cleaning and doing chores a real challenge for me. due to all these factors we don't have people over, ever. we used to, we even had the whole of my family over for dinner for thanksgiving years ago, though it was very challenging as there is very little space. this was back when we didn't have a large dog and my house wasn't as much of a disaster as it is currently. we haven't hosted since.
before christmas, the whole family went out for brunch. after brunch, on the way out of the restaurant when everyone was making their way out to the cars, my brother approached me and invited himself and his wife over for dinner during the holidays. it wasn't an ask - he invited themselves over without asking if it was okay. i was caught off guard by this, and stammered out something along the lines of "sure, we'll figure something out" before hurrying off to my car as my husband and children were already in it waiting to go.
on christmas day, the whole family gathered at my parents' house. after dinner was finished, the topic of my brother and his wife coming over to my house for dinner came up. i tried to be firm but polite when i replied that we weren't prepared to host anyone at this time. i said that we don't have anyone over, ever, for a variety of reasons. my brother and his wife kept pushing, though, insisting that they be invited over for dinner. my brother's wife said that, "well we had you over to our house, now you should have us over to yours, that's just the way it works in my family." i think that's great that her family works that way, but mine just doesn't. it'd be nice if we could reciprocate, but we can't. they kept pushing and i eventually broke and said no, you can't come over. my house is small. my house is in a continual state of mess and disrepair. and eventually i had to state that due to my mental illness i get stressed out and overwhelmed very easily.
my sister-in-law seemed to take all of this very personally, instead of listening to what i was saying. my inability to host things has everything to do with me and my house, nothing to do with her. i told her his and reiterated that i do like her and love having her as part of the family.
i feel like the asshole, because initially when my brother asked, i was caught off guard and agreed, and then went back on the agreement during christmas dinner. so reddit, aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s0vx7i/aita_for_not_having_my_brother_and_his_wife_over/
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2022-01-10 22:03:04
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nta. what in the world am i reading? who invites themselves over to someone's house and then actually legitimately gets offended when they say no or push back? yikes.
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they're being extremely weird and invasive. i understand your discomfort. they're also disregarding everything you're saying and it's rude. stick to your guns, and i hope you can improve the situation soon. a tidy environment works wonders on depression.
nta
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i'm going to offer another perspective, because i've been on the other side of this. for nearly 20 years we hosted my husband's family for holiday gatherings. with my family, everyone trades off who hosts, and when we aren't the host we bring things to help (we make an effort, e.g. make nice desserts or appetizers and bring wine, etc.)
my husband's siblings never once hosted us. when i started asking for help (like, please bring a side dish) they would make the bare minimum of effort. one of them brought a bag of chips and a jar of salsa when i asked for an appetizer... this was for christmas dinner! so here's me and my husband, paying and doing all the work for a nice big meal (e.g. beef tenderloin) for his siblings and all their kids, and getting... a bag of tostitos? i shopped, cleaned and cooked for days, and they stopped by the convenience store on their way over.
hosting can be exhausting and expensive. when i floated the idea of every family pitching in to get it catered (but still having at our house), they declined because it was "too expensive." when we went to a restaurant one year, my father in law ended up paying for all the siblings and their kids (we gave him money.)
sadly my husband died of cancer several years ago. i hosted his family 2 or 3 more times, again with little to no help, and finally stopped because they never reciprocated and barely helped.
i understand if your house, like my in-laws', isn't great for hosting. but if you hope to continue to share holidays or other get togethers with them, at it would be great to offer to do something to help. it would go a long way toward making this easier on your sil if you offered to help pay for catering or to find a restaurant where every family could pay their way. maybe invite them somewhere for drinks and dessert if taking them out for dinner is too much.
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nta- no one should ever just invite themselves to your house. however, you can show some kind of reciprocation whether it’s taking them out to eat, or even a thank you gift. reciprocation does not have to be same for same. if you do something as a thank you and they still don’t appreciate it, that’s on them.
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nta but here’s a crazy thought — have her over. do zero to get ready. serve frozen foods direct from their trays. and be completely open with her before you invite, as in, “sis, how about next saturday? but i need to tell you in advance, the walls are full of holes. everything’s being renovated. there’s dog hair everywhere. my oven is only so-so so we’re gonna serve microwave frozen food. afterwards we’ll watch tv. can’t wait to have you!”
this advice is offered very tongue-in-cheek. your new sil sounds like someone who can’t fathom that anyone has a different life experience than herself. i feel for you.
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nta at all. i have adhd and am in the process of screening for asd. my house is a disaster. i am too ashamed to have people over. but despite being a disaster, it's also my refuge. the one place i don't always have to mask and pretend i'm nt. it's my safe zone and i don't want anyone else in there. i hear you. your stance on this is completely reasonable and valid. your sil is not nice.
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nta, you don't have to have anyone to your house if you don't want. i find it so odd that they are demanding it.
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nta. at all. they don't sound very empathetic to me. now that you've told them no and stated your reasons, what do you think about going out to a restaurant with them. it would be a way of having a meal without invading on your privacy and a way they don't have to host?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother is recently married, and bought a large house with his wife this past year. since then, they've had the family (my parents, my other brother and his wife and kids, me and my husband and two kids) over for gatherings twice. my house is another matter. it's tiny, cluttered with kid and dog stuff, in a near-permanent state of ongoing renos as my husband has problems finishing projects. there are literal holes in the walls. further, i have a significant mental illness (for which i am medicated and in therapy) and strongly suspected asd, and as a result i have severe executive disfunction issues that make cleaning and doing chores a real challenge for me. due to all these factors we don't have people over, ever. we used to, we even had the whole of my family over for dinner for thanksgiving years ago, though it was very challenging as there is very little space. this was back when we didn't have a large dog and my house wasn't as much of a disaster as it is currently. we haven't hosted since. before christmas, the whole family went out for brunch. after brunch, on the way out of the restaurant when everyone was making their way out to the cars, my brother approached me and invited himself and his wife over for dinner during the holidays. it wasn't an ask - he invited themselves over without asking if it was okay. i was caught off guard by this, and stammered out something along the lines of "sure, we'll figure something out" before hurrying off to my car as my husband and children were already in it waiting to go. on christmas day, the whole family gathered at my parents' house. after dinner was finished, the topic of my brother and his wife coming over to my house for dinner came up. i tried to be firm but polite when i replied that we weren't prepared to host anyone at this time. i said that we don't have anyone over, ever, for a variety of reasons. my brother and his wife kept pushing, though, insisting that they be invited over for dinner. my brother's wife said that, "well we had you over to our house, now you should have us over to yours, that's just the way it works in my family." i think that's great that her family works that way, but mine just doesn't. it'd be nice if we could reciprocate, but we can't. they kept pushing and i eventually broke and said no, you can't come over. my house is small. my house is in a continual state of mess and disrepair. and eventually i had to state that due to my mental illness i get stressed out and overwhelmed very easily. my sister-in-law seemed to take all of this very personally, instead of listening to what i was saying. my inability to host things has everything to do with me and my house, nothing to do with her. i told her his and reiterated that i do like her and love having her as part of the family. i feel like the asshole, because initially when my brother asked, i was caught off guard and agreed, and then went back on the agreement during christmas dinner. so reddit, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my brother is recently married, and bought a large house with his wife this past year. since then, they've had the family (my parents, my other brother and his wife and kids, me and my husband and two kids) over for gatherings twice. my house is another matter. it's tiny, cluttered with kid and dog stuff, in a near-permanent state of ongoing renos as my husband has problems finishing projects. there are literal holes in the walls. further, i have a significant mental illness (for which i am medicated and in therapy) and strongly suspected asd, and as a result i have severe executive disfunction issues that make cleaning and doing chores a real challenge for me. due to all these factors we don't have people over, ever. we used to, we even had the whole of my family over for dinner for thanksgiving years ago, though it was very challenging as there is very little space. this was back when we didn't have a large dog and my house wasn't as much of a disaster as it is currently. we haven't hosted since. before christmas, the whole family went out for brunch. after brunch, on the way out of the restaurant when everyone was making their way out to the cars, my brother approached me and invited himself and his wife over for dinner during the holidays. it wasn't an ask - he invited themselves over without asking if it was okay. i was caught off guard by this, and stammered out something along the lines of "sure, we'll figure something out" before hurrying off to my car as my husband and children were already in it waiting to go. on christmas day, the whole family gathered at my parents' house. after dinner was finished, the topic of my brother and his wife coming over to my house for dinner came up. i tried to be firm but polite when i replied that we weren't prepared to host anyone at this time. i said that we don't have anyone over, ever, for a variety of reasons. my brother and his wife kept pushing, though, insisting that they be invited over for dinner. my brother's wife said that, "well we had you over to our house, now you should have us over to yours, that's just the way it works in my family." i think that's great that her family works that way, but mine just doesn't. it'd be nice if we could reciprocate, but we can't. they kept pushing and i eventually broke and said no, you can't come over. my house is small. my house is in a continual state of mess and disrepair. and eventually i had to state that due to my mental illness i get stressed out and overwhelmed very easily. my sister-in-law seemed to take all of this very personally, instead of listening to what i was saying. my inability to host things has everything to do with me and my house, nothing to do with her. i told her his and reiterated that i do like her and love having her as part of the family. i feel like the asshole, because initially when my brother asked, i was caught off guard and agreed, and then went back on the agreement during christmas dinner. so reddit, aita? [/INST] nta. what in the world am i reading? who invites themselves over to someone's house and then actually legitimately gets offended when they say no or push back? yikes. </s>
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AITA for getting upset when my mom fired me because my hair was too long?
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i feel it's important to mention that my hair is about, 3 inches from my scalp, definitely a lot of hair on my head for a "boys cut" but also, extremely short in comparison to like, everyone else who works there.
&#x200b;
&#x200b;
my mom owns a business, where i have worked for the better half of 6 months, (since day one). and today she wanted me to come into work, to tell me hair was too long and that i was fired. here's how that conversation went:
&#x200b;
&#x200b;
mom: pwnytail24, your hair is getting way too long.
me: what's wrong with it?
mom: it's unsanitary.
me, getting defensive: your hair is longer than mine and you don't wear a hairnet either.
mom: well i think you need to consider going home and not coming back.
me: you're firing me because my hair is too long?
mom: yeah if that's what you wanna call it.
&#x200b;
&#x200b;
i grabbed my stuff and left pretty angry after that. now the problem i have here, is not that she fired me over my hair, but rather that i feel like she taking advantage of me, i always come in when she asks, doesn't matter what day, doesn't matter what time, i regularly come in on less that an hours notice, i drop everything i'm doing to come work for her, i once went to a neighboring city with my grandparents, (50 minutes from my house) only for her to call saying she needed me the second i got there, and you know what i did? i drove another 50 minutes back, just to make it to work. i've covered shifts for other employees who didn't show, i've worked three 8 hour shifts in a row just because she didn't have anyone to cover. and i've never complained to her once. i'm only 16 for fucks sake, i feel like this is at the very least, unfair to me, for her to have me come to work, just to fire me as soon as i step through the door, after all the things i've done for her.
&#x200b;
&#x200b;
my grandma said i deserved it, and that i have to forgive her because "her life is so hard and you have to support her" idk what kinda bs that's supposed to be because believe it or not, my life is kinda shitty too, but i don't take out my anger on my family like her. and this is just one out of hundreds of things shes done, she's been nothing but awful, and abusive, and manipulative my whole life, and the only reason that i haven't gotten a different job is because no one is hiring, and i'm nervous to try.
&#x200b;
&#x200b;
so aita for getting pissed off and defensive because my mom fired me over my hair? also bonus: wibta if i shaved my whole head just to stick it to her.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/newxy3/aita_for_getting_upset_when_my_mom_fired_me/
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2021-05-18 00:55:35
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nta and i know it’s your moms business but i feel like that’s illegal
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nta be sure to file for unemployment
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nta. don't shave your head. in two days when she tries to give you a new work schedule, tell her she laid you off and you're never coming back. this is a terrible work situation (any issues of legality aside) and i think you'll ultimately look back on your firing as a dodged bullet.
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nta, she's taking advantage of you and she's using your job as a means to control you and your hair. your gramma sounds old school. sorry you're going through this op.
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nta- get another job.
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nta. sounds like your mother is controlling and abusive.
> so aita for getting pissed off and defensive because my mom fired me over my hair? also bonus: wibta if i shaved my whole head just to stick it to her.
i wouldn't recommend this, it's your hair, don't get rid of it just out of spite. stick with whatever hairstyle you like the most.
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nta - obviously that's really shitty of your mom.. it's selfish and undermining of your confidence. it's your mom's job to take care of you, not the other way around. i don't care how hard her life's been. i hope you're able to find a job somewhere where people are more respectful of your appearance. or at the very least save enough money to gtfo once you can legally leave.
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nta- it's time to emotionally distance yourself from them. you need to understand and build healthy walls to keep your abusive family's abuse away from your heart. get a new job, save up money fast, and move out. don't do favors. don't help "just this once". get out of the home and lives of these people. don't do stupid stuff to show them. just move out and live an awesome live that they're not a part of
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i feel it's important to mention that my hair is about, 3 inches from my scalp, definitely a lot of hair on my head for a "boys cut" but also, extremely short in comparison to like, everyone else who works there. &#x200b; &#x200b; my mom owns a business, where i have worked for the better half of 6 months, (since day one). and today she wanted me to come into work, to tell me hair was too long and that i was fired. here's how that conversation went: &#x200b; &#x200b; mom: pwnytail24, your hair is getting way too long. me: what's wrong with it? mom: it's unsanitary. me, getting defensive: your hair is longer than mine and you don't wear a hairnet either. mom: well i think you need to consider going home and not coming back. me: you're firing me because my hair is too long? mom: yeah if that's what you wanna call it. &#x200b; &#x200b; i grabbed my stuff and left pretty angry after that. now the problem i have here, is not that she fired me over my hair, but rather that i feel like she taking advantage of me, i always come in when she asks, doesn't matter what day, doesn't matter what time, i regularly come in on less that an hours notice, i drop everything i'm doing to come work for her, i once went to a neighboring city with my grandparents, (50 minutes from my house) only for her to call saying she needed me the second i got there, and you know what i did? i drove another 50 minutes back, just to make it to work. i've covered shifts for other employees who didn't show, i've worked three 8 hour shifts in a row just because she didn't have anyone to cover. and i've never complained to her once. i'm only 16 for fucks sake, i feel like this is at the very least, unfair to me, for her to have me come to work, just to fire me as soon as i step through the door, after all the things i've done for her. &#x200b; &#x200b; my grandma said i deserved it, and that i have to forgive her because "her life is so hard and you have to support her" idk what kinda bs that's supposed to be because believe it or not, my life is kinda shitty too, but i don't take out my anger on my family like her. and this is just one out of hundreds of things shes done, she's been nothing but awful, and abusive, and manipulative my whole life, and the only reason that i haven't gotten a different job is because no one is hiring, and i'm nervous to try. &#x200b; &#x200b; so aita for getting pissed off and defensive because my mom fired me over my hair? also bonus: wibta if i shaved my whole head just to stick it to her.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i feel it's important to mention that my hair is about, 3 inches from my scalp, definitely a lot of hair on my head for a "boys cut" but also, extremely short in comparison to like, everyone else who works there. &#x200b; &#x200b; my mom owns a business, where i have worked for the better half of 6 months, (since day one). and today she wanted me to come into work, to tell me hair was too long and that i was fired. here's how that conversation went: &#x200b; &#x200b; mom: pwnytail24, your hair is getting way too long. me: what's wrong with it? mom: it's unsanitary. me, getting defensive: your hair is longer than mine and you don't wear a hairnet either. mom: well i think you need to consider going home and not coming back. me: you're firing me because my hair is too long? mom: yeah if that's what you wanna call it. &#x200b; &#x200b; i grabbed my stuff and left pretty angry after that. now the problem i have here, is not that she fired me over my hair, but rather that i feel like she taking advantage of me, i always come in when she asks, doesn't matter what day, doesn't matter what time, i regularly come in on less that an hours notice, i drop everything i'm doing to come work for her, i once went to a neighboring city with my grandparents, (50 minutes from my house) only for her to call saying she needed me the second i got there, and you know what i did? i drove another 50 minutes back, just to make it to work. i've covered shifts for other employees who didn't show, i've worked three 8 hour shifts in a row just because she didn't have anyone to cover. and i've never complained to her once. i'm only 16 for fucks sake, i feel like this is at the very least, unfair to me, for her to have me come to work, just to fire me as soon as i step through the door, after all the things i've done for her. &#x200b; &#x200b; my grandma said i deserved it, and that i have to forgive her because "her life is so hard and you have to support her" idk what kinda bs that's supposed to be because believe it or not, my life is kinda shitty too, but i don't take out my anger on my family like her. and this is just one out of hundreds of things shes done, she's been nothing but awful, and abusive, and manipulative my whole life, and the only reason that i haven't gotten a different job is because no one is hiring, and i'm nervous to try. &#x200b; &#x200b; so aita for getting pissed off and defensive because my mom fired me over my hair? also bonus: wibta if i shaved my whole head just to stick it to her. [/INST] nta and i know it’s your moms business but i feel like that’s illegal </s>
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AITA for replacing the scale I broke with one that shows anyone my sisters weight?
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my siblings and i share a bathroom with a scale. i accidentally broke our this scale, so i got us a new one. i ended up getting a used smart scale from a friend.
the scale works with an app and will keep track of your past measurements for multiple users. these measurements are all private and you cannot access them without your account password. we all think this is really useful and have been enjoying the features.
the problem is the scale also very briefly shows on its screen the weight of the last person to use the scale before it adjust to your weight. i’ve checked online and this is not a defect of the scale it’s just a bad design problem.
when my sister found out that anyone that used the scale could see her weight if they used it after her she freaked out. she is now saying i need to buy a different scale since i didn’t replace the one i broke with one that worked the same. she says she can’t use this one because it makes her self conscious that we can figure out her weight while she’s trying to lose weight.
since i don’t have anymore money she says i need to sell this scale and get one that works the same as the old one.
to me this scale does what it’s supposed to and more. neither my brothers or i care that we can see each other’s weight or that other can see ours. most of the time i don’t even look down to see until a second or two after i step on it so the scale has a chance to settle on the right number anyway. it doesn’t make sense to me to sell this scale when it does what it’s supposed and me and my brothers like it.
| 326 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hxq6js/aita_for_replacing_the_scale_i_broke_with_one/
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2020-07-25 17:08:08
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nta
if she's insecure about her weight showing up then after she weighs herself she can weigh an object or something so that will be the last recoreded weight on the scale.
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just tell her to put one foot on it lightly, or grip the basin while using it, once she's done.
it will tell everyone she weighs about 12lb.
it'll mess up her app unless you can delete weights, but if she's bothered by that she needs to buy a new scale.
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why not after using it just push down on it halfway? that way it shows a weight but it’s not the actual one?
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nta- i get that she’s insecure but it’s not your fault. perhaps tell her to weigh something random after she steps off the scale so it will show a random measurement?
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yta, but only a bit. you broke something you share with others and replaced it with something that is not as good as the original. i understand there is an app for the new scale, but it also has a design flaw that one of the people you share it with can't stand.
i do feel like more information would help, though. do your brothers or you ever comment on your sister's weight? how did you break the scales? what do your parents have to say about it all?
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my siblings and i share a bathroom with a scale. i accidentally broke our this scale, so i got us a new one. i ended up getting a used smart scale from a friend. the scale works with an app and will keep track of your past measurements for multiple users. these measurements are all private and you cannot access them without your account password. we all think this is really useful and have been enjoying the features. the problem is the scale also very briefly shows on its screen the weight of the last person to use the scale before it adjust to your weight. i’ve checked online and this is not a defect of the scale it’s just a bad design problem. when my sister found out that anyone that used the scale could see her weight if they used it after her she freaked out. she is now saying i need to buy a different scale since i didn’t replace the one i broke with one that worked the same. she says she can’t use this one because it makes her self conscious that we can figure out her weight while she’s trying to lose weight. since i don’t have anymore money she says i need to sell this scale and get one that works the same as the old one. to me this scale does what it’s supposed to and more. neither my brothers or i care that we can see each other’s weight or that other can see ours. most of the time i don’t even look down to see until a second or two after i step on it so the scale has a chance to settle on the right number anyway. it doesn’t make sense to me to sell this scale when it does what it’s supposed and me and my brothers like it.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my siblings and i share a bathroom with a scale. i accidentally broke our this scale, so i got us a new one. i ended up getting a used smart scale from a friend. the scale works with an app and will keep track of your past measurements for multiple users. these measurements are all private and you cannot access them without your account password. we all think this is really useful and have been enjoying the features. the problem is the scale also very briefly shows on its screen the weight of the last person to use the scale before it adjust to your weight. i’ve checked online and this is not a defect of the scale it’s just a bad design problem. when my sister found out that anyone that used the scale could see her weight if they used it after her she freaked out. she is now saying i need to buy a different scale since i didn’t replace the one i broke with one that worked the same. she says she can’t use this one because it makes her self conscious that we can figure out her weight while she’s trying to lose weight. since i don’t have anymore money she says i need to sell this scale and get one that works the same as the old one. to me this scale does what it’s supposed to and more. neither my brothers or i care that we can see each other’s weight or that other can see ours. most of the time i don’t even look down to see until a second or two after i step on it so the scale has a chance to settle on the right number anyway. it doesn’t make sense to me to sell this scale when it does what it’s supposed and me and my brothers like it. [/INST] nta if she's insecure about her weight showing up then after she weighs herself she can weigh an object or something so that will be the last recoreded weight on the scale. </s>
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AITA for telling my mom she’s a bad mom after she made me spinach enchiladas
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so for reference, i (20f) have always been called a “picky eater”. however, when i was growing up a lot of educators suggested that some of my quirks and pickiness might be because i’m on the autism spectrum. my parents refused to have me tested, insisting i’m just a little different and picky.
some foods are really hard for me to eat because of the texture. and by hard to eat i mean it almost hurts. i’m not sure if that’s normal but my parents have always thought i’m exaggerating. they used to make me sit at a table for hours as i choked down food. sometimes i would vomit, i couldn’t handle it.
now that you have context, i’m in school and my school has a study abroad program that’s a semester long. i went to south america. understandably, i was nervous about the food. but i can proudly say i did great. there were only one or two meals i couldn’t do for a whole semester. and i tried dozens of new foods and dishes. it was great.
but after a whole semester i really was exhausted. when i got back to the u.s. i was ready for food i was familiar with. my mom picked me up and took me home. she told me we’d just be having leftovers which was fine!!
but they were spinach enchiladas. one of the foods i remember puking up and have flat out refused to eat and gone hungry because of it.
but i’m 20. i just made myself some pasta and my mom flipped. “how did you even make it a semester in sa if you’re so picky”. she said a lot of mean stuff about how i think i’m too good for her food.
i flipped my lid. i told her that she was a bad mom who has refused to let me get tested for a disability i might have. and that she has belittled me all my life about certain aversions to food. she’s made me feel like crap about myself and that i’m a drama queen because of this issue.
she wouldn’t talk to me. it’s been a few months and she still won’t talk to me unless i apologize. i apologized for yelling but i stand by what i said. my father says i’m making things really difficult for her
aita?
info: i had to get vaccinated before i went to south america. i’d never been vaccinated before because my mom doesn’t trust vaccines. she was upset when i was vaccinated.. when i came out to my mom it was after this. she thought that maybe the chemicals in the vaccine did something to me and she said “maybe they do cause autism”. so yeah she kind of thinks that vaccines gave me autism which made me gay. but she still doesn’t know what that has to do with the enchiladas.
| 1,291 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fg1wx9/aita_for_telling_my_mom_shes_a_bad_mom_after_she/
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2020-03-09 21:08:43
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nta. ball is in her court, she’s the one refusing to talk to you. you aren’t making it difficult on her, she’s making it difficult on herself by acting childish.
blowing up at her is probably not the best way to open a conversation on the topic of your disability, however, given her history of denying it and belittling you for it, i think it was an understandable and not disproportionate reaction.
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nta
adults are allowed to have food preferences, and i don’t understand why kids aren’t. sure, kids should have to try things to expand their palate, but if it’s a pass, it’s a pass. as an adult, you get to decide.
if you want to be assessed, you still can be. it may help with other areas of your life.
as for your mom...she may never get it. you can have a relationship with her, but it may be strained.
[read this.](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent%3famp)
see if it sounds familiar. there’s not a lot you can do, but you can establish boundaries and for a relationship that works for you.
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nta. anyone who makes a little child sit at a table for *hours* to force feed them food they don’t what to eat to the point of *vomiting* is automatically an ah. period. that’s abusive and it is not acceptable.
(also- have you heard of ~~adult~~ avoidant restrictive food intake disorder? it sounds similar to what you’re dealing with, check out /r/arfid for more info)
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gay autistic enchilada is one hell of a band name.
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nta. i wouldn't even call you a "true" picky eater. you clearly tried things including a couple different preparations, but ultimately there's only so much you can do to get over food aversions.
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nta, i will say if it’s just food textures it might just be food textures not autism. i have the same thing and no other signs of autism. my sister is the same way will literally puke from eating one of her aversions. if you have other symptoms that’s one thing but if it’s just food it might just be an aversion.
i do think that your parents are ta for forcing you to eat things that make you physically ill.
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nta: **who the fuck puts spinach in an enchilada??**
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nta
your mom is acting like a child
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nta i am the same and i can't force myself to eat those things.
you made your own food, didn't cause any trouble, and only yelled back in self defense.
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why haven’t you gotten tested now? i feel like that might be very helpful for you.
i have some ocd tendencies (that have luckily gotten better) that i have to have my food prepared in a certain order (like pitas and burgers and such) i also have certain foods i can’t eat and i don’t like my food touching (stews, pasta etc are fine for touching tho). so i think some people just feel like that even though they don’t have any diagnoses. i know i don’t and i function well enough that i don’t feel i need one even though i might be able to get one. but anyways you’re nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so for reference, i (20f) have always been called a “picky eater”. however, when i was growing up a lot of educators suggested that some of my quirks and pickiness might be because i’m on the autism spectrum. my parents refused to have me tested, insisting i’m just a little different and picky. some foods are really hard for me to eat because of the texture. and by hard to eat i mean it almost hurts. i’m not sure if that’s normal but my parents have always thought i’m exaggerating. they used to make me sit at a table for hours as i choked down food. sometimes i would vomit, i couldn’t handle it. now that you have context, i’m in school and my school has a study abroad program that’s a semester long. i went to south america. understandably, i was nervous about the food. but i can proudly say i did great. there were only one or two meals i couldn’t do for a whole semester. and i tried dozens of new foods and dishes. it was great. but after a whole semester i really was exhausted. when i got back to the u.s. i was ready for food i was familiar with. my mom picked me up and took me home. she told me we’d just be having leftovers which was fine!! but they were spinach enchiladas. one of the foods i remember puking up and have flat out refused to eat and gone hungry because of it. but i’m 20. i just made myself some pasta and my mom flipped. “how did you even make it a semester in sa if you’re so picky”. she said a lot of mean stuff about how i think i’m too good for her food. i flipped my lid. i told her that she was a bad mom who has refused to let me get tested for a disability i might have. and that she has belittled me all my life about certain aversions to food. she’s made me feel like crap about myself and that i’m a drama queen because of this issue. she wouldn’t talk to me. it’s been a few months and she still won’t talk to me unless i apologize. i apologized for yelling but i stand by what i said. my father says i’m making things really difficult for her aita? info: i had to get vaccinated before i went to south america. i’d never been vaccinated before because my mom doesn’t trust vaccines. she was upset when i was vaccinated.. when i came out to my mom it was after this. she thought that maybe the chemicals in the vaccine did something to me and she said “maybe they do cause autism”. so yeah she kind of thinks that vaccines gave me autism which made me gay. but she still doesn’t know what that has to do with the enchiladas.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so for reference, i (20f) have always been called a “picky eater”. however, when i was growing up a lot of educators suggested that some of my quirks and pickiness might be because i’m on the autism spectrum. my parents refused to have me tested, insisting i’m just a little different and picky. some foods are really hard for me to eat because of the texture. and by hard to eat i mean it almost hurts. i’m not sure if that’s normal but my parents have always thought i’m exaggerating. they used to make me sit at a table for hours as i choked down food. sometimes i would vomit, i couldn’t handle it. now that you have context, i’m in school and my school has a study abroad program that’s a semester long. i went to south america. understandably, i was nervous about the food. but i can proudly say i did great. there were only one or two meals i couldn’t do for a whole semester. and i tried dozens of new foods and dishes. it was great. but after a whole semester i really was exhausted. when i got back to the u.s. i was ready for food i was familiar with. my mom picked me up and took me home. she told me we’d just be having leftovers which was fine!! but they were spinach enchiladas. one of the foods i remember puking up and have flat out refused to eat and gone hungry because of it. but i’m 20. i just made myself some pasta and my mom flipped. “how did you even make it a semester in sa if you’re so picky”. she said a lot of mean stuff about how i think i’m too good for her food. i flipped my lid. i told her that she was a bad mom who has refused to let me get tested for a disability i might have. and that she has belittled me all my life about certain aversions to food. she’s made me feel like crap about myself and that i’m a drama queen because of this issue. she wouldn’t talk to me. it’s been a few months and she still won’t talk to me unless i apologize. i apologized for yelling but i stand by what i said. my father says i’m making things really difficult for her aita? info: i had to get vaccinated before i went to south america. i’d never been vaccinated before because my mom doesn’t trust vaccines. she was upset when i was vaccinated.. when i came out to my mom it was after this. she thought that maybe the chemicals in the vaccine did something to me and she said “maybe they do cause autism”. so yeah she kind of thinks that vaccines gave me autism which made me gay. but she still doesn’t know what that has to do with the enchiladas. [/INST] nta. ball is in her court, she’s the one refusing to talk to you. you aren’t making it difficult on her, she’s making it difficult on herself by acting childish. blowing up at her is probably not the best way to open a conversation on the topic of your disability, however, given her history of denying it and belittling you for it, i think it was an understandable and not disproportionate reaction. </s>
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AITA for keeping my house all to myself?
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i've changed details and kept things vague because some things are specific and could identify me.
i (34f) have just bought my first house and i couldn't be happier. it's small, but enough for me and my pets, and it has a garage.
i'm very late moving out. i started attending college at 20 after working for a few years, and in my final year of my degree i had to go home because i was volunteered as an unpaid carer for a grandparent (he has 3 kids, but 2 claimed they were too busy with work/their kids, and my mom was working too). i finished my degree remotely, but got stuck in the carer role until i was 31 - and because of this i couldn't work. moving home was also not rent free so i ate through my savings just surviving. it's too long to go into details, but it was a decade of hell and i would never do it again.
its been 3 years since my grandparent died, and i finally have a job that pays well enough that i could save a deposit and get a mortgage. i've been desperate to move out and just escape my family since i was volunteered.
i moved in a couple of weeks ago, and i took everything i owned with me, which wasn't much because i had to contain myself and my hobbies to my childhood room, so i have a really empty house i plan on filling with upcycled furniture gradually.
since i moved in my mom has visited every day, and every day brought a car full of things for me to keep in my new place because i have room. i have politely told her 'no' every time. its usually duplicates of items, or things she hasn't used in years, that i also have no use for.
this has been a thing as long as i can remember, with her asking me to hide alcohol and food items in my bedroom as a child because she would eat/drink them otherwise, so even my room was never /my/ space.
today she rang me up to tell me i am selfish and i should feel guilty for not letting her use my empty garage as storage. i've told her no again, because i have plans to use the garage as a workshop and i'll be moving tools in there on my next pay check to start working on furniture.
this spiralled into a full rant about how i should be grateful she allowed me to stay at home for the last decade and how much i owe her financially.
aita - should i let my mom use my house as storage?
| 1,049 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wmmoib/aita_for_keeping_my_house_all_to_myself/
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2022-08-12 14:29:38
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nta. your mom is a gaslighting hoarder.
>a full rant about how i should be grateful she allowed me to stay at home for the last decade and how much i owe her financially
yeah no. your mom financially crippled you by guilting you into taking care of her parent for ten years. she sounds like a narcissist.
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nta if your mother needs storage space for her junk, she can rent a storage unit. she doesn't need to store things at your house, she wants to and it gives her an excuse to come and go to your house.
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nta heck no
and put strong boundaries in place
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nta. firstly, congratulations on your new home. secondly, do not let your mother store anything. if she says she has no room, tell her to declutter or to use your old bedroom. if you let her bring stuff in, you will never get rid of it.
stand firm and refuse, once you say yes, you lose the house you worked so hard for.
also, is your mother a hoarder?
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nta. thank you for providing the background and context, but really, the issue is just that your mum wants to dump all her crap at yours. and the answer is no, she can't. i mean, what is she going to do with it? just leave it in your garage forever?? if she has too much stuff to fit in her own house, she needs to have a yard sale, not foist it upon you or anyone/anywhere else for that matter.
nta. enjoy your castle 🏰 🥰
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nta
>this spiralled into a full rant about how i should be grateful she allowed me to stay at home for the last decade and how much i owe her financially.
not only were you apparently paying rent while livign with her, you were also taking care of your grandfather for that time. she's the one who owes you.
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nta.
you've more than earned the right to feel at home in your house and i doubt very much that you'd feel as comfortable with her junk all over the place. as someone else said, if she needs more place, she could use your old bedroom.
btw, i'm so excited for you to start this new adventure and to upcycle your furniture to make it fully your own while, i suppose, enjoying your hobby as you must have dreamed of doing for years! i hope you find as fulfilling as it sounds and wish you the very best.
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"my house is not your garbage dump."
that is a sentence i have had to use a number of times. dh used to want to accept anything that he was given because "it's free". yeah, no. not storing someone else's used things that i have no use for, don't clutter my house with your garbage. my dad used to want to give me his old things whenever he wanted an excuse to buy a shiny new thing. i was given an old mechanical lawn edger, dull as heck and practically useless, because he wanted a new weed whacker that, surprise, can edge lawns. it took me a while, but i have learned to say no...and bought a weed whacker for myself.
also, once you allow it in your house it becomes your problem to get rid of. you will be the one hauling it to the dump or to a charity.
"my house is not your garbage dump." nta
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nta - next she’ll want to move in because well, all of her stuff is there. don’t let anyone take over your space. she’s already gotten a lot from you by guilting you, don’t give her anything else and know you have nothing to feel guilt about, she should feel guilt for manipulating you into doing things you don’t want to do and making you unhappy.
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nta and i would consider going lc with your mom at least for a while.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i've changed details and kept things vague because some things are specific and could identify me. i (34f) have just bought my first house and i couldn't be happier. it's small, but enough for me and my pets, and it has a garage. i'm very late moving out. i started attending college at 20 after working for a few years, and in my final year of my degree i had to go home because i was volunteered as an unpaid carer for a grandparent (he has 3 kids, but 2 claimed they were too busy with work/their kids, and my mom was working too). i finished my degree remotely, but got stuck in the carer role until i was 31 - and because of this i couldn't work. moving home was also not rent free so i ate through my savings just surviving. it's too long to go into details, but it was a decade of hell and i would never do it again. its been 3 years since my grandparent died, and i finally have a job that pays well enough that i could save a deposit and get a mortgage. i've been desperate to move out and just escape my family since i was volunteered. i moved in a couple of weeks ago, and i took everything i owned with me, which wasn't much because i had to contain myself and my hobbies to my childhood room, so i have a really empty house i plan on filling with upcycled furniture gradually. since i moved in my mom has visited every day, and every day brought a car full of things for me to keep in my new place because i have room. i have politely told her 'no' every time. its usually duplicates of items, or things she hasn't used in years, that i also have no use for. this has been a thing as long as i can remember, with her asking me to hide alcohol and food items in my bedroom as a child because she would eat/drink them otherwise, so even my room was never /my/ space. today she rang me up to tell me i am selfish and i should feel guilty for not letting her use my empty garage as storage. i've told her no again, because i have plans to use the garage as a workshop and i'll be moving tools in there on my next pay check to start working on furniture. this spiralled into a full rant about how i should be grateful she allowed me to stay at home for the last decade and how much i owe her financially. aita - should i let my mom use my house as storage?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i've changed details and kept things vague because some things are specific and could identify me. i (34f) have just bought my first house and i couldn't be happier. it's small, but enough for me and my pets, and it has a garage. i'm very late moving out. i started attending college at 20 after working for a few years, and in my final year of my degree i had to go home because i was volunteered as an unpaid carer for a grandparent (he has 3 kids, but 2 claimed they were too busy with work/their kids, and my mom was working too). i finished my degree remotely, but got stuck in the carer role until i was 31 - and because of this i couldn't work. moving home was also not rent free so i ate through my savings just surviving. it's too long to go into details, but it was a decade of hell and i would never do it again. its been 3 years since my grandparent died, and i finally have a job that pays well enough that i could save a deposit and get a mortgage. i've been desperate to move out and just escape my family since i was volunteered. i moved in a couple of weeks ago, and i took everything i owned with me, which wasn't much because i had to contain myself and my hobbies to my childhood room, so i have a really empty house i plan on filling with upcycled furniture gradually. since i moved in my mom has visited every day, and every day brought a car full of things for me to keep in my new place because i have room. i have politely told her 'no' every time. its usually duplicates of items, or things she hasn't used in years, that i also have no use for. this has been a thing as long as i can remember, with her asking me to hide alcohol and food items in my bedroom as a child because she would eat/drink them otherwise, so even my room was never /my/ space. today she rang me up to tell me i am selfish and i should feel guilty for not letting her use my empty garage as storage. i've told her no again, because i have plans to use the garage as a workshop and i'll be moving tools in there on my next pay check to start working on furniture. this spiralled into a full rant about how i should be grateful she allowed me to stay at home for the last decade and how much i owe her financially. aita - should i let my mom use my house as storage? [/INST] nta. your mom is a gaslighting hoarder. >a full rant about how i should be grateful she allowed me to stay at home for the last decade and how much i owe her financially yeah no. your mom financially crippled you by guilting you into taking care of her parent for ten years. she sounds like a narcissist. </s>
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AITA for yelling at my neighbor to leave us the fuck alone
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we(me(18m), my brother(15), sister(16) and brother’s boyfriend(17))live in an apartment. few months ago older couple moved in next to us. i could tell that they didn’t like us from the start.
days later after they moved in they blamed us for playing music loudly, when they find out it wasn’t us(it was the upstairs neighbors) they didn’t even say sorry or anything. then they complained about smell of smoke being in their house constantly. which we’re pretty sure isn’t from us either because i have smoked 2 times in past months at home. now they’re complaining about us getting home late and causing them to wake up. we’re walking as quietly as possible, the apartment has loud metal doors that shuts loudly but other than that we don’t make any noise.
yesterday it was around 1 am when me and my brother’s boyfriend got home and while we’re going upstairs of course that lady is there waiting for us ready to start yelling. she asked us what time it was and why we were getting home so late. i asked her why she wanted to know and she started yelling of course saying that she was tired of our “disrespectful behavior and constantly waking her up at night”.
i was just fed up with their bullshit and yelled at her to leave us the fuck alone and if she couldn’t sleep get some headphones. we went inside our home. she continued yelling about something, i didn’t pay attention to it.
my brother thinks that i still shouldn’t have yelled at her since she’s older and i could’ve calmly talked to her even tho i’ve done that probably 50 times and obviously it’s not working.
| 3,061 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iaqz0k/aita_for_yelling_at_my_neighbor_to_leave_us_the/
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2020-08-16 11:44:34
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nta. but keep records of her harassing you because she might call the police and make something up.
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nta. they are harassing you. make a written complaint to the landlord.
where does she get off asking you why you're getting home late?! if you were older i doubt she'd say a word. living in an appartment building comes with things like people walking in at whatever fucking time they want.
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nta. who the fuck does your neighbor think she is to try and police your coming and going when you want? you don’t even know the asshole. i’d honestly drop a dime with your landlord at this point cause who knows what they’ve been telling your landlord.
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>my brother thinks that i still shouldn’t have yelled at her since she’s older and i could’ve calmly talked to her even tho i’ve done that probably 50 times and obviously it’s not working.
tell your brother to go talk with her himself, if he doesn't want to then he can kindly stfu about the whole situation.
nta
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nta what is she, your mother?? yeah you could have handled it better, but so could she!
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nta, but also info, do any parents live with you? or a legal guardian? your post makes it sound like you're the only legal adult, which would be concerning.
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nta if they can't live with neighbours, they need to move into their own house.
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what is she your mother? nta. could you have stayed calmer? yeah, possibly if it wasn't the 51st time she was a dick.
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nta!!!
1) she’s not your parent, so what you do with your time is none of her business!!
2) you were there first, so she should just mind her business
3) document all the harassment, and send it to main office, bcz she has no business bothering others when they are obviously the problem!!
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nta.
who does she think she is talking to you guys like that? she's your neighbor, not your parents and i'd she can't handle apartment living she need to move to another place. those kind of people are why i hate apartments.
how childish and ridiculous can someone get? anytime she starts her shit that would be my go to response.
if she continues you should start documenting. dates, times what she said because if it continues you've got a legitimate complaint for harrassment against her.
and i don't know about your state but in hawaii that can land someone in jail for a month as well as having to pay a fine that included restitution to the victim, or just outright being banned from the state for military personnel.
anyway. document the behavior and repeat the leave is alone requests and document those too. repeatedly asking for harrassment to stop and the other party refusing can slide into the stalking area of the laws, esp if she starts threatening you.
also try talking to the landlord. you'd be surprised what a few weeks of constant complains can do, esp when you're not doing anything wrong.
there is no curfew for coming home. people's schedules are different and night shift work is a thing i how you get it resolved soon
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we(me(18m), my brother(15), sister(16) and brother’s boyfriend(17))live in an apartment. few months ago older couple moved in next to us. i could tell that they didn’t like us from the start. days later after they moved in they blamed us for playing music loudly, when they find out it wasn’t us(it was the upstairs neighbors) they didn’t even say sorry or anything. then they complained about smell of smoke being in their house constantly. which we’re pretty sure isn’t from us either because i have smoked 2 times in past months at home. now they’re complaining about us getting home late and causing them to wake up. we’re walking as quietly as possible, the apartment has loud metal doors that shuts loudly but other than that we don’t make any noise. yesterday it was around 1 am when me and my brother’s boyfriend got home and while we’re going upstairs of course that lady is there waiting for us ready to start yelling. she asked us what time it was and why we were getting home so late. i asked her why she wanted to know and she started yelling of course saying that she was tired of our “disrespectful behavior and constantly waking her up at night”. i was just fed up with their bullshit and yelled at her to leave us the fuck alone and if she couldn’t sleep get some headphones. we went inside our home. she continued yelling about something, i didn’t pay attention to it. my brother thinks that i still shouldn’t have yelled at her since she’s older and i could’ve calmly talked to her even tho i’ve done that probably 50 times and obviously it’s not working.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we(me(18m), my brother(15), sister(16) and brother’s boyfriend(17))live in an apartment. few months ago older couple moved in next to us. i could tell that they didn’t like us from the start. days later after they moved in they blamed us for playing music loudly, when they find out it wasn’t us(it was the upstairs neighbors) they didn’t even say sorry or anything. then they complained about smell of smoke being in their house constantly. which we’re pretty sure isn’t from us either because i have smoked 2 times in past months at home. now they’re complaining about us getting home late and causing them to wake up. we’re walking as quietly as possible, the apartment has loud metal doors that shuts loudly but other than that we don’t make any noise. yesterday it was around 1 am when me and my brother’s boyfriend got home and while we’re going upstairs of course that lady is there waiting for us ready to start yelling. she asked us what time it was and why we were getting home so late. i asked her why she wanted to know and she started yelling of course saying that she was tired of our “disrespectful behavior and constantly waking her up at night”. i was just fed up with their bullshit and yelled at her to leave us the fuck alone and if she couldn’t sleep get some headphones. we went inside our home. she continued yelling about something, i didn’t pay attention to it. my brother thinks that i still shouldn’t have yelled at her since she’s older and i could’ve calmly talked to her even tho i’ve done that probably 50 times and obviously it’s not working. [/INST] nta. but keep records of her harassing you because she might call the police and make something up. </s>
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AITA for calling the cops on my neighbors kids?
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i know this sounds bad but hear me out first before making a judgment.
i(25f) am a single mom to my son(8m). after busting for years, i was able to buy a objectivhouse in a low income area. it's not the best house, i'm having to do quite a bit of work on it but it's safe and it's home. one of the things i have done to make it a tad bit better is gardening. it doesn't take up the entire yard, just a garden bed near my porch and another around a tree. i'm hoping to eventually put in a few more around the house but it's expensive and time consuming. i'm proud of what i've accomplished so far.
my neighbor "lisa" is a single mom of 6 kids. her 3 youngest(8m, 7m, and 4f) are constantly qt my house playing with my son. this isn't a problem for me but i do have to get on to them quite often. these kids are wild. i feel like i'm constantly having to talk to lisa about their behavior.
for the past month, i have talked to her almost daily about the kids being in my garden. watching them doesn't help as they even come over when me nor my son is home to play in my yard. i've tried to fix this by putting up anything my son has outside(bikes, balls, taking the swings off of a swingset, ect). nothing stops them. they have taken to playing in the garden beds and bringing shovels to dig. i've started getting mad and told lisa, under no circumstances, are they allowed in my yard when i'm not home and they are not allowed in my garden at any time.
finally this came to a head when i got home two days ago. my garden was wrecked. all of my plants were dug up and destroyed, the barrier around the beds were torn apart, my little garden decorations were smash and drawn on and there were so many holes and toys.
i was pissed. i went over to lisa's and admittedlyyelled at her about her kids. she yelled back that they were kids and i couldn't expect to have a garden with kids around. i demanded payment for the damage and she told me to get off of her property. i went home and called the police to report the damage. the cops didn't do much but did tell lisa that her family was not to come on my property again.
i was ranting to my friends about this and while they do agree that it was wrong, they think i took it way too far by calling the cops on such young kids. they think i might have ruined my sons chances at a friend. my son is happy about it tho because he was starting to realize the 2 older of the 3 were using him for his "cool stuff".
aita?
| 1,466 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tt62m0/aita_for_calling_the_cops_on_my_neighbors_kids/
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2022-03-31 18:19:31
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nta
you weren't calling the police on the children. you were calling the police on the parents who are liable for the children.
you could try taking them to small claims court.
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nta. if this was a one off thing, then it would be different, but it's you're property and they are technically trespassing. legally, you're in the right. morally, you did tell their mom multiple times that they aren't allowed over. and their mom saying you couldn't have a garden on your own property because of her kids is stupid.
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nta. mom is willingly letting them destroy your property. you tried other routes and she refuses to fix the situation.
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nta. you asked them nicely to not trespass and to not touch your garden. they then destroyed it. ages 8 and 7 are certainly old enough to understand that no means no, and a 4 year old has no business being on your property unsupervised. so no, you are not the ah for calling the cops.
i would put up a small video camera pointing at the garden for now so you are aware if they trespassing. take pictures now for evidence of the original damage and then if it happens again take pictures and call the cops again.
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so either she watching her kids destroy your yard or she’s leaving a 8,7, and 4 y/o unsupervised. nta
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nta. that doesn’t sound like innocent children’s play that caused accidental damage. that sounds like intentional distraction. i wouldn’t want my child playing with those children anyway if that’s there mother’s attitude. they are entitled without manner and their mother isn’t teaching them right from wrong. i’d buy trespassing signs and post them around the yard and read up on local ordnances to see how i could prevent further damages.
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nta, lisa is responsible for the damages her kids cause.
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nta.
while the kids may have caused the damage, you weren't really calling the cops on them. i think you needed someone with authority to tell lisa that there will be consequences if she lets her kids run wild and destroy other peoples' property.
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nta.. "lisa" is an irresponsible parent and her attitude towards other people's property and the actions of her children is inexcusable. you went to her multiple times and she blew it off. you had every right to call the police. if i were you, i'd get a couple of security cameras for next time. you'll have proof and can take it further.
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nta take her entitled ass to small claims court asap. she’s responsible for paying for all the damaged and destroyed stuff.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i know this sounds bad but hear me out first before making a judgment. i(25f) am a single mom to my son(8m). after busting for years, i was able to buy a objectivhouse in a low income area. it's not the best house, i'm having to do quite a bit of work on it but it's safe and it's home. one of the things i have done to make it a tad bit better is gardening. it doesn't take up the entire yard, just a garden bed near my porch and another around a tree. i'm hoping to eventually put in a few more around the house but it's expensive and time consuming. i'm proud of what i've accomplished so far. my neighbor "lisa" is a single mom of 6 kids. her 3 youngest(8m, 7m, and 4f) are constantly qt my house playing with my son. this isn't a problem for me but i do have to get on to them quite often. these kids are wild. i feel like i'm constantly having to talk to lisa about their behavior. for the past month, i have talked to her almost daily about the kids being in my garden. watching them doesn't help as they even come over when me nor my son is home to play in my yard. i've tried to fix this by putting up anything my son has outside(bikes, balls, taking the swings off of a swingset, ect). nothing stops them. they have taken to playing in the garden beds and bringing shovels to dig. i've started getting mad and told lisa, under no circumstances, are they allowed in my yard when i'm not home and they are not allowed in my garden at any time. finally this came to a head when i got home two days ago. my garden was wrecked. all of my plants were dug up and destroyed, the barrier around the beds were torn apart, my little garden decorations were smash and drawn on and there were so many holes and toys. i was pissed. i went over to lisa's and admittedlyyelled at her about her kids. she yelled back that they were kids and i couldn't expect to have a garden with kids around. i demanded payment for the damage and she told me to get off of her property. i went home and called the police to report the damage. the cops didn't do much but did tell lisa that her family was not to come on my property again. i was ranting to my friends about this and while they do agree that it was wrong, they think i took it way too far by calling the cops on such young kids. they think i might have ruined my sons chances at a friend. my son is happy about it tho because he was starting to realize the 2 older of the 3 were using him for his "cool stuff". aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i know this sounds bad but hear me out first before making a judgment. i(25f) am a single mom to my son(8m). after busting for years, i was able to buy a objectivhouse in a low income area. it's not the best house, i'm having to do quite a bit of work on it but it's safe and it's home. one of the things i have done to make it a tad bit better is gardening. it doesn't take up the entire yard, just a garden bed near my porch and another around a tree. i'm hoping to eventually put in a few more around the house but it's expensive and time consuming. i'm proud of what i've accomplished so far. my neighbor "lisa" is a single mom of 6 kids. her 3 youngest(8m, 7m, and 4f) are constantly qt my house playing with my son. this isn't a problem for me but i do have to get on to them quite often. these kids are wild. i feel like i'm constantly having to talk to lisa about their behavior. for the past month, i have talked to her almost daily about the kids being in my garden. watching them doesn't help as they even come over when me nor my son is home to play in my yard. i've tried to fix this by putting up anything my son has outside(bikes, balls, taking the swings off of a swingset, ect). nothing stops them. they have taken to playing in the garden beds and bringing shovels to dig. i've started getting mad and told lisa, under no circumstances, are they allowed in my yard when i'm not home and they are not allowed in my garden at any time. finally this came to a head when i got home two days ago. my garden was wrecked. all of my plants were dug up and destroyed, the barrier around the beds were torn apart, my little garden decorations were smash and drawn on and there were so many holes and toys. i was pissed. i went over to lisa's and admittedlyyelled at her about her kids. she yelled back that they were kids and i couldn't expect to have a garden with kids around. i demanded payment for the damage and she told me to get off of her property. i went home and called the police to report the damage. the cops didn't do much but did tell lisa that her family was not to come on my property again. i was ranting to my friends about this and while they do agree that it was wrong, they think i took it way too far by calling the cops on such young kids. they think i might have ruined my sons chances at a friend. my son is happy about it tho because he was starting to realize the 2 older of the 3 were using him for his "cool stuff". aita? [/INST] nta you weren't calling the police on the children. you were calling the police on the parents who are liable for the children. you could try taking them to small claims court. </s>
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AITA For Dropping Out of A Tinder Date After Finding Out That He Had Lied About His Height?
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for context, i am 27f and i am standing at 5'2" and i was wearing short boots wedges for the date.
aita for dropping out of a tinder date after finding out that he is actually shorter from what he had told me? i am asking because after talking to my friends, i've been getting mixed responses.
originally, i had met this guy on tinder, and we've been chatting for quite some time. we would have conversations about random things and it could go all day long. casually, the question about height came up, and i told him that i was short at 5'2'" and he told me that he was 5'6".
i was really excited for this date because to be honest, i could see a potential even though we've only been chatting through text.
imagine my disappointment when i had arrived for the dinner and movie date to find out that he was in fact a bit shorter than me? i was literally standing over him and i am 5'2" and i am only wearing short boot wedges. i was kind of freaking out a little bit by the fact that he had lied about his actual height. height, d@ck, weight size does not matter to me i just do not like liars.
after leaving the date early, i had talked to my friends about it and they said that i should text him and ask him why did he need to lie about his height? mind you, two of my friends are 5'6" so i do know what 5'6" because they would be literally standing over me.
time and time again, he would still insist that he is 5'6" even though that is not the case. i eventually just stopped talking to him and just blocked him from everything because i cannot stand a liar and i would've hoped that he would just admit that he had lied.
a couple of my friends told me that i am being dramatic about it and that i shouldnt had stopped talking to him even though he had lied about his height. i told them over and over and it didn't matter about his height, it had mattered when he had continued to lie about it.
| 1,647 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r8b0jq/aita_for_dropping_out_of_a_tinder_date_after/
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2021-12-03 22:45:20
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nta
you don’t have to date someone for whatever reason you want.
but yeah, i never get the lying about things you will absolutely get caught on sight about. i had a guy on an online app send me his photo pre meeting for coffee that was 20 years old and looked nothing like him currently. like you think we aren’t going to notice that?
just be honest.
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nta. you’re not upset he’s short, you’re upset he lied then continued to lie.
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nta
if he’s perfectly okay with lying about something so simple, then he’s probably also okay with lying in general. you cannot trust a liar, you cannot build a relationship without trust.
___
perhaps he is really 5’6” when he is also wearing his boots with wedges?
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nta. same happened to me. guy told me he was over 6’ but was actually about 5’2. but i’m almost 6’. bad times. i looked like i’d brought my child to a bar. what’s the point in lying about it? 🤷♀️
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nta. like you said, you did it not because of his height but because he lied and honestly lying over petty shit like that is a total red flag
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nta - if he would lie about something so obvious, what else would he lie about?
that stated, he can't help the height and it's probably a sensitive topic for him. he might even get pretty defensive about it. if he confronts you - stress it is the lie, not the height that upset you.
there is a social stigma around men's height so much so that short actors (like tom cruise) have their contacts written to only allow shorter women play their 'love interest' to not appear "less than".
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nta. i’ve had many relationships die due to compulsive lying. so i tell guys straight up, just be honest with me.. like if he lied about that, what else was he lying about?!?
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nta
you're nicer than i am, i went on a date from a dating app i'm a 5'3 fuller figured curvy woman. his profile said 5'10 he was in fact 4'11 and i looked like a mom taking their kid out to eat. i said i could do drinks but something came up so i couldn't do dinner. i deleted him from the app and was happy i stuck to my rule of not giving my number out before the first date.
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nta especially because it sounds like you gave him a chance to come clean&he still wouldn’t. i also can’t stand liars so get how it may sound like an over reaction to some of your friends but the fact he continued to lie to you even when there was proof&you knew 100% is beyond frustrating. i prob wouldn’t have blocked him myself but i wouldn’t have wanted another date.
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nta.
might be unpopular, but it was your first date, a lot of people would say you should be able to end it for whatever reason.
the fact that he kept insisting afterwards and didn't even admit anything stands out, too.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for context, i am 27f and i am standing at 5'2" and i was wearing short boots wedges for the date. aita for dropping out of a tinder date after finding out that he is actually shorter from what he had told me? i am asking because after talking to my friends, i've been getting mixed responses. originally, i had met this guy on tinder, and we've been chatting for quite some time. we would have conversations about random things and it could go all day long. casually, the question about height came up, and i told him that i was short at 5'2'" and he told me that he was 5'6". i was really excited for this date because to be honest, i could see a potential even though we've only been chatting through text. imagine my disappointment when i had arrived for the dinner and movie date to find out that he was in fact a bit shorter than me? i was literally standing over him and i am 5'2" and i am only wearing short boot wedges. i was kind of freaking out a little bit by the fact that he had lied about his actual height. height, d@ck, weight size does not matter to me i just do not like liars. after leaving the date early, i had talked to my friends about it and they said that i should text him and ask him why did he need to lie about his height? mind you, two of my friends are 5'6" so i do know what 5'6" because they would be literally standing over me. time and time again, he would still insist that he is 5'6" even though that is not the case. i eventually just stopped talking to him and just blocked him from everything because i cannot stand a liar and i would've hoped that he would just admit that he had lied. a couple of my friends told me that i am being dramatic about it and that i shouldnt had stopped talking to him even though he had lied about his height. i told them over and over and it didn't matter about his height, it had mattered when he had continued to lie about it.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for context, i am 27f and i am standing at 5'2" and i was wearing short boots wedges for the date. aita for dropping out of a tinder date after finding out that he is actually shorter from what he had told me? i am asking because after talking to my friends, i've been getting mixed responses. originally, i had met this guy on tinder, and we've been chatting for quite some time. we would have conversations about random things and it could go all day long. casually, the question about height came up, and i told him that i was short at 5'2'" and he told me that he was 5'6". i was really excited for this date because to be honest, i could see a potential even though we've only been chatting through text. imagine my disappointment when i had arrived for the dinner and movie date to find out that he was in fact a bit shorter than me? i was literally standing over him and i am 5'2" and i am only wearing short boot wedges. i was kind of freaking out a little bit by the fact that he had lied about his actual height. height, d@ck, weight size does not matter to me i just do not like liars. after leaving the date early, i had talked to my friends about it and they said that i should text him and ask him why did he need to lie about his height? mind you, two of my friends are 5'6" so i do know what 5'6" because they would be literally standing over me. time and time again, he would still insist that he is 5'6" even though that is not the case. i eventually just stopped talking to him and just blocked him from everything because i cannot stand a liar and i would've hoped that he would just admit that he had lied. a couple of my friends told me that i am being dramatic about it and that i shouldnt had stopped talking to him even though he had lied about his height. i told them over and over and it didn't matter about his height, it had mattered when he had continued to lie about it. [/INST] nta you don’t have to date someone for whatever reason you want. but yeah, i never get the lying about things you will absolutely get caught on sight about. i had a guy on an online app send me his photo pre meeting for coffee that was 20 years old and looked nothing like him currently. like you think we aren’t going to notice that? just be honest. </s>
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AITA for not splitting the control of my business to my children equally?
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hay, 65-year-old electrician from germany here.
i plan to settle down, travelling with my wife(65) and spoiling our grandchildren for the rest of our life.
i had built up a small business with now 23 employees, my son(36) alexander will take control of it.
i have also 2 daughters in which i am proud of, laura(34) has study biochemistry and has her master’s degree, marie(30) became a middle school teacher in mathematics and sports.
i have recently spoken about my plan at a family gathering.
laura was totally acceptable with it, but marie accused me of favoritism.
that is not true, i love every of my children equally, but my son decided to make a training on my side as he graduated(abitur similar to high school), additional he got a masters license as electrician.
so we work nearly 17 years together, also he has the ability to run our business and our employees respect him.
i told my daughter the points above, but she said i was always closer to my son as to my daughters.
sadly, i have to admit it is kind of true, but how isn't it possible if i work all the day together with my son? he is also my colleague and my right hand at work. my wife, laura and alexander side with me, so i need an outside opinion in here, so reddit aita?
| 4,637 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o87sef/aita_for_not_splitting_the_control_of_my_business/
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2021-06-26 09:49:12
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nta - you are giving your electrician business to the electrician who has worked there for 17 years
you're employees would think you are the asshole if you handed control over to someone with no experience other than being related
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nta. your son has invested his time and energy in the business and helped you to make it a success, no doubt. and all of your reasons are also correct - by leaving the business to your son, you are also trying to ensure that the workers and their families also have a long term future with the business, as your son is best placed to keep the company running successfully.
also - it’s your business and your money - and therefore your right to leave it to whoever you want to.
good luck.
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nta
that’s just sensible business. marie likely doesn’t have much experience in this industry or in running a business. your son is most qualified and knows the ins-and-outs after working with you for 17 years.
it sounds like marie is more bitter about alexander’s close relationship with you rather than the handover of the business.
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so nta for giving your son a business because he works in it but i do think you need to think what your daughter is saying. she is saying she feels excluded and probably always have. if you love your daughter that is really something that you have to pay attention too. also something else to consider is how to acknowledge that you are giving one child a major asset but not your others?
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yta because math.
if your business is worth 100,000€ you have just given your son a gift of 100,000€ and your daughters zero.
if you are doing this because he works hard, awesome! now that he owns the business, he can sell it and have 100,000€ or if he should die unexpectedly, his wife and her next husband will have a 100,000€ business, but either way your daughters will still have zero.
perhaps a smarter way would be to divide it equally - 1/3 per child - or even do a proportional split, with your son getting extra for helping to build/run the business - him 50%, your daughters 25% each, meaning he is gifted 50,000€ and they get 25,000€ each. he can choose to “buy them out” if he wants sole ownership.
another option would be to gift them each something worth 100,000€ (or whatever the business is actually worth based on reputation).
it kind of gets worse when you realize you are also gifting your son a guaranteed lifetime income while your daughters get nothing.
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maybe yta. in family businesses, estate planning is very necessary. typically, there might be one sibling who takes over a business, and even possibly becomes the sole new owner. but then there are other mechanisms to make sure an estate is fairly divided. family assets, investment accounts, etc., can be used to equalize. additionally, the daughters can be shareholders while the son runs the business, gets a nice salary, and over time fairly buys out his sisters.
german culture relating to inheritances is often skewed towards the oldest son. i don’t think this is fair, and it does not sound like you are making this fair between your three children.
i work for a family owned german business. the oldest son has the majority. his siblings have the minority and are on the board. but through other mechanisms, all children are being treated with equity. try harder to make a fair deal with all children.
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info, your son will have control of the business, which is reasonable, but will any of the profits be shared with his sisters?
that might be why marie is upset. if he gets control of the business and all the profits, then it does seem one sided. if however, he was the md with a salary and the profits were split evenly that might make marie feel less left out.
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i n f o: "taking control" means, he will lead the company or he will own company? this is not quite clear in your post, but it would be crucial for the judgement.
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yta, actually. not for giving your son control of the business, but for essentially disinheriting your daughters. they have reasonable expectations to an inheritance - after all, you’re not considering giving the business to a long-term employee you’re not related to - and unless you are compensating them in other ways, yes, it is favouritism.
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info. gotta say, i'm completely baffled by the responses here. having your son run the business obviously makes the most sense. but that's not the issue at all. if i understand correctly, the issue is this: *you are giving your son a* ***much*** *bigger inheritance than your daughters*. period. i don't see anywhere where the daughters are interested in running the business, so i assume the only issue is money. if that's not the issue, please explain; if it is, yta for the very simple reason of *giving your son a* ***much*** *bigger inheritance than your daughters*.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| null |
YTA
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INFO
| 0.691271 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hay, 65-year-old electrician from germany here. i plan to settle down, travelling with my wife(65) and spoiling our grandchildren for the rest of our life. i had built up a small business with now 23 employees, my son(36) alexander will take control of it. i have also 2 daughters in which i am proud of, laura(34) has study biochemistry and has her master’s degree, marie(30) became a middle school teacher in mathematics and sports. i have recently spoken about my plan at a family gathering. laura was totally acceptable with it, but marie accused me of favoritism. that is not true, i love every of my children equally, but my son decided to make a training on my side as he graduated(abitur similar to high school), additional he got a masters license as electrician. so we work nearly 17 years together, also he has the ability to run our business and our employees respect him. i told my daughter the points above, but she said i was always closer to my son as to my daughters. sadly, i have to admit it is kind of true, but how isn't it possible if i work all the day together with my son? he is also my colleague and my right hand at work. my wife, laura and alexander side with me, so i need an outside opinion in here, so reddit aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hay, 65-year-old electrician from germany here. i plan to settle down, travelling with my wife(65) and spoiling our grandchildren for the rest of our life. i had built up a small business with now 23 employees, my son(36) alexander will take control of it. i have also 2 daughters in which i am proud of, laura(34) has study biochemistry and has her master’s degree, marie(30) became a middle school teacher in mathematics and sports. i have recently spoken about my plan at a family gathering. laura was totally acceptable with it, but marie accused me of favoritism. that is not true, i love every of my children equally, but my son decided to make a training on my side as he graduated(abitur similar to high school), additional he got a masters license as electrician. so we work nearly 17 years together, also he has the ability to run our business and our employees respect him. i told my daughter the points above, but she said i was always closer to my son as to my daughters. sadly, i have to admit it is kind of true, but how isn't it possible if i work all the day together with my son? he is also my colleague and my right hand at work. my wife, laura and alexander side with me, so i need an outside opinion in here, so reddit aita? [/INST] nta - you are giving your electrician business to the electrician who has worked there for 17 years you're employees would think you are the asshole if you handed control over to someone with no experience other than being related </s>
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AITA for going to see a band at the last minute?
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friday night my friend won tickets to see a band i adore in a charity auction for the following night. i've been with my partner for 11 years, before we met i used to see bands all the time, loved festivals etc as music was my love. since we met as he doesn't enjoy music (especially my kind) i've not been to anything, my social life is well and truly dead. we literally never go out. he has health issues and works in a manual job which leaves him tired, so it's never been something i complained about, it is what it is. but this band's music got me through some horrifically traumatic times, (before meeting my partner, including the awful death of my mum) and i never thought i'd get to see them. i told my partner before the auction ended, he was not ok, but i was desperate. as soon as the auction ended he didn't speak to me, he was so annoyed i'd not asked permission to go before saying i would. i was so unhappy, but i couldn't then not go, especially as my friend had bid knowing i was paying for my ticket. we went, i cried when they came on, they were amazing. we're still not speaking ( 3 days later) aita?
| 325 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v135ec/aita_for_going_to_see_a_band_at_the_last_minute/
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2022-05-30 15:50:08
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nta you have given up your social life for 11 years to keep him happy (and under his control). i'm happy you went and if he leaves you because of it it will only be a good thing. in fact you can even say the band helped you out once again big time!
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nta
you shouldn’t be “asking permission”, you are a whole ass person in your own right. you can make plans for entertainment on your own, even when you are in a 11 year relationship.
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nta. a good partner would have been happy for you. you’re not his child, you don’t need to ask him “permission”. he doesn’t hold power over how you spend your time. this is ridiculous.
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i'm overwhelmed by all the comments. thank you. sitting here trying to hold it together. i've felt so selfish and awful for this. i need to have a serious talk with him
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if your partner doesn't enjoy something, you don't have to stop doing it yourself. the fact that your partner was upset with you because you _didn't ask permission first_ (dude you're an adult why do you need permission!!!) and is now not speaking to you at all when you literally did nothing wrong is 🚩🚩🚩🚩
people can enjoy things separately but your partner doesn't want you to. your partner wants to punish you for doing something fun. your social life is "well and truly dead". is this how you want to spend the next 11 years? why? don't you deserve fun and happiness?
_
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nta. dump him. he doesn't spark joy.
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the fact that he's crushed your social life rather than accepting you have different interests that you can enjoy without him speaks volumes. nta, but it's time for a conversation with hubs about getting his head out of his own ass.
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hi again, i just wanted to do another update. i sent my partner this thread because i was just so pissed off at the situation and wanted to show him what the consensus is. i think the word permission fell out of his mouth without realising the implications. we've both had a lot of tears this afternoon, and the biggest thing is he didn't realise how big an issue seeing this band was to me. so we've cleared the air and understand each other a lot better now. and next time there's a band i'm desperate to see i'm sure he'll be pushing me out of the door to go. thanks everyone 🥰
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he was annoyed you didn’t ask permission? permission???? nta. throw the whole man away.
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>he was so annoyed i'd not asked permission to go before saying i would
you don't need his permission. your situation honestly sounds abusive. you deserve to have a life outside of your relationship too
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: friday night my friend won tickets to see a band i adore in a charity auction for the following night. i've been with my partner for 11 years, before we met i used to see bands all the time, loved festivals etc as music was my love. since we met as he doesn't enjoy music (especially my kind) i've not been to anything, my social life is well and truly dead. we literally never go out. he has health issues and works in a manual job which leaves him tired, so it's never been something i complained about, it is what it is. but this band's music got me through some horrifically traumatic times, (before meeting my partner, including the awful death of my mum) and i never thought i'd get to see them. i told my partner before the auction ended, he was not ok, but i was desperate. as soon as the auction ended he didn't speak to me, he was so annoyed i'd not asked permission to go before saying i would. i was so unhappy, but i couldn't then not go, especially as my friend had bid knowing i was paying for my ticket. we went, i cried when they came on, they were amazing. we're still not speaking ( 3 days later) aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
friday night my friend won tickets to see a band i adore in a charity auction for the following night. i've been with my partner for 11 years, before we met i used to see bands all the time, loved festivals etc as music was my love. since we met as he doesn't enjoy music (especially my kind) i've not been to anything, my social life is well and truly dead. we literally never go out. he has health issues and works in a manual job which leaves him tired, so it's never been something i complained about, it is what it is. but this band's music got me through some horrifically traumatic times, (before meeting my partner, including the awful death of my mum) and i never thought i'd get to see them. i told my partner before the auction ended, he was not ok, but i was desperate. as soon as the auction ended he didn't speak to me, he was so annoyed i'd not asked permission to go before saying i would. i was so unhappy, but i couldn't then not go, especially as my friend had bid knowing i was paying for my ticket. we went, i cried when they came on, they were amazing. we're still not speaking ( 3 days later) aita? [/INST] nta you have given up your social life for 11 years to keep him happy (and under his control). i'm happy you went and if he leaves you because of it it will only be a good thing. in fact you can even say the band helped you out once again big time! </s>
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AITA for sleeping in on Weekends and not helping my sister with her newborn.
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my sister and i live with our parents. me because i just started working and i am saving up to move out. my sister because she and her husband have a baby and got evicted from their previous flat. when i come home from work i am so tired and mentally drained. i just go straight to my room and relax. i need a full 8 hour sleep to concentrate at work the next day. so i'm in bed by 1030 everyday.
my sister is upset because i never help out with her infant (11mo). i don't babysit. i'm too tired and honestly just don't want to. i would if there was an emergency like if someone is at the hospital but other than that i don't help out with the baby. during weekends i sleep in and get up at 1 or 2pm. it's a bad habit but my parents don't mind because i always get my chores done by the end of the day. sunday i'm usually out with my friends and girlfriend.
aita? my sister will not stop bothering me about it. we are the same age (twins) but have gone very different routes in life. she claims that her friends' younger siblings are very helpful. they even babysit everyday.
| 1,002 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dyxshb/aita_for_sleeping_in_on_weekends_and_not_helping/
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2019-11-20 05:59:24
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nta
she's got a husband, and she's got herself.
your sleep schedule is none of her business. and as the younger sister of four, with seven nieces and nephews from my big sisters, i assure you that i did not even babysit the ones in town regularly, let alone every day.
of course, if you have kids some day, this could come back to haunt you and you probably won't get any help from your sister. that might be something to think about. (if you're not having kids, it's moot of course.)
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nta - it’s her and her husbands kid, not yours. if they didn’t want the responsibility of looking after the kid they shouldn’t have had it. you shouldn’t be forced to look after the kid if you don’t want to
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nta. to be clear you are stating that in this house there are parents and grandparents of the child, but apparently that isn't enough help for the mum?
no, you are working and doing you, as long as you aren't making your sister's life more difficult being in the house (dishes, cooking, washing, general things in life), then i don't see why you should be obligated to make it easier just because she's there. 4 adults, 1 baby, they got it covered
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nta - you chose not to have a kid. she did.
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not your baby not your responsibility. nta
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nta
her irresponsibility is not your responsibility.
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>she claims that her friends' younger siblings are very helpful. they even babysit everyday.
good for fucking them. they are not you, and she needs to realize that and stop guilt tripping you. she's clearly jealous of all the rest you get/need that she doesn't, and apparently you're supposed to be punished for her decisions?? it's not like you sit on your ass all day. keep doing you, so you can get the hell out of that house. her child is not your responsibility. nta at all.
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nta. your sister chose to have the baby her and her husband can look after it
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nta. why would you be obligated to take care of her kid? she can hire a babysitter.
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nta. your sister and her husband had sex. sex, even with contraceptives, can lead to pregnancy.
your sister got pregnant. pregnancy can be terminated or can end in adoption. your sister and her husband made many conscious decisions to have a child! when adult humans make conscious decisions they experience consequences. i have a 10 month old. my little one has only been looked after by someone (other than my husband or myself) once! wanna know why? because we had a child! no one else! us! smh
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister and i live with our parents. me because i just started working and i am saving up to move out. my sister because she and her husband have a baby and got evicted from their previous flat. when i come home from work i am so tired and mentally drained. i just go straight to my room and relax. i need a full 8 hour sleep to concentrate at work the next day. so i'm in bed by 1030 everyday. my sister is upset because i never help out with her infant (11mo). i don't babysit. i'm too tired and honestly just don't want to. i would if there was an emergency like if someone is at the hospital but other than that i don't help out with the baby. during weekends i sleep in and get up at 1 or 2pm. it's a bad habit but my parents don't mind because i always get my chores done by the end of the day. sunday i'm usually out with my friends and girlfriend. aita? my sister will not stop bothering me about it. we are the same age (twins) but have gone very different routes in life. she claims that her friends' younger siblings are very helpful. they even babysit everyday.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister and i live with our parents. me because i just started working and i am saving up to move out. my sister because she and her husband have a baby and got evicted from their previous flat. when i come home from work i am so tired and mentally drained. i just go straight to my room and relax. i need a full 8 hour sleep to concentrate at work the next day. so i'm in bed by 1030 everyday. my sister is upset because i never help out with her infant (11mo). i don't babysit. i'm too tired and honestly just don't want to. i would if there was an emergency like if someone is at the hospital but other than that i don't help out with the baby. during weekends i sleep in and get up at 1 or 2pm. it's a bad habit but my parents don't mind because i always get my chores done by the end of the day. sunday i'm usually out with my friends and girlfriend. aita? my sister will not stop bothering me about it. we are the same age (twins) but have gone very different routes in life. she claims that her friends' younger siblings are very helpful. they even babysit everyday. [/INST] nta she's got a husband, and she's got herself. your sleep schedule is none of her business. and as the younger sister of four, with seven nieces and nephews from my big sisters, i assure you that i did not even babysit the ones in town regularly, let alone every day. of course, if you have kids some day, this could come back to haunt you and you probably won't get any help from your sister. that might be something to think about. (if you're not having kids, it's moot of course.) </s>
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AITA for telling my SIL I wont be doing anymore favors for her?
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i cant tell if i am being petty or not so please lay the judgement on thick. i'm 28f, my husband is 29m and his sister is 43f. she has an 11yo daughter. we have 2 kids, ages 9f and 3m. my husband and i have been together 11 years.
since the very beginning my sil has been the "free handouts" type. she loves asking people to do free manual labor for her because she refuses to get off her sims game to do anything unless her husband barks orders at her. the dynamic in that household is sickening.
so not even 2 months ago she asked if our 9yo could come clean up the toys in her yard for $20. this is the first time she offered money and my daughter wanted to do it. we went, she did the yard work by herself. when it came down to payment, my sil said "shit, i only have $10 to last me the week. can i pay you friday?" friday came and went and she never paid. so, i gave my daughter the $20 for her work and told my sil how fucked up it was. she apologized profusely and said she hadn't intended to do this. i couldnt tell if she was lying or not so i dropped it.
last week she calls my husband and said "can you ask cassidy to come help me clean the house? i have people coming over and my back is killing me." i responded with "well, what are you doing next weekend?" she said "i never have plans." so i said "alright, i will come help you clean your house if you watch our kids next weekend so we can have a date night." she said "absolutely!". i got in the car to head over. i then get a text from her that says "shit, i forgot that i have plans with my friend this weekend so i cant." i turned my car around and went back home.
i get a call about an hour later asking where i am and when i would be there. so i said "i said i would come clean your house for free if you watched my kids next weekend. you changed your mind so i'm not coming." she started freaking out and said her friends would be there in 2 hours and she had accomplished nothing because she was waiting for me. i told her "well, it sounds like you better get moving then." she is now telling my husband that i wasted her time and that i was an ah for telling her one thing, doing another and not telling her that i wasnt coming over until she called to ask. i said that she should turn that statement around on herself, as she did the same thing and that i would no longer be doing her any favors, where she never bothers to help me out and never pays me.
aita?
| 6,792 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j9pzn1/aita_for_telling_my_sil_i_wont_be_doing_anymore/
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2020-10-12 12:29:15
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nta kinda funny actually
thanks for karma
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nice... not petty at all. you simply did what she does. she flaked on a $20 payment for a kid, that's some bullshit. nta and very direct way of showing her behavior to herself. let her be mad
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nta, especially after she did that to your kid, and i think it’s kinda funny that she said she never has plans when she was asking for help cleaning literally because she was having company over.
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nta, if your husband is upset, he can go clean her house.
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nta
she continues to act like the because people around her enable. you're doing the right thing to stop this. hopefully your husband is on your side as well.
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nta. she went back on the agreement, which seems to be a pattern with her. she also seems dishonest and manipulative, and it's especially fucked up that she manipulated your kid. i'm angry for you and was half expecting that you would have asked her to pay your kid before agreeing to do anything else for her, even in exchange
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nta, can’t be letting people walk on you and your family.
i mean, you *could* have called her and told her, but, you knew she was just trying to have her cake and eat it too.
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nta. she has a history of reneging on deals, so don’t make deals with her anymore. her word obviously isn’t worth anything.
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nta
these aren't "favors," they're exchanges of labor or (in the case of your daughter) compensated tasks. the bottom line is that if you aren't willing to exchange labor or you don't reliably pay, people will be less likely to agree to do these things with you. this is a natural consequence of her unreliability.
it has nothing to do with her enjoyment of video games or the dynamic of her household though. even if she was a very active person with a wonderful relationship, you probably wouldn't clean her house in exchange for nothing, right? these are reasons why you already dislike her, not that relevant to the situation at hand.
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nta. lmao i swear every family has someone like that. always has their hand out but quietly disappears when it's time to put some work in.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i cant tell if i am being petty or not so please lay the judgement on thick. i'm 28f, my husband is 29m and his sister is 43f. she has an 11yo daughter. we have 2 kids, ages 9f and 3m. my husband and i have been together 11 years. since the very beginning my sil has been the "free handouts" type. she loves asking people to do free manual labor for her because she refuses to get off her sims game to do anything unless her husband barks orders at her. the dynamic in that household is sickening. so not even 2 months ago she asked if our 9yo could come clean up the toys in her yard for $20. this is the first time she offered money and my daughter wanted to do it. we went, she did the yard work by herself. when it came down to payment, my sil said "shit, i only have $10 to last me the week. can i pay you friday?" friday came and went and she never paid. so, i gave my daughter the $20 for her work and told my sil how fucked up it was. she apologized profusely and said she hadn't intended to do this. i couldnt tell if she was lying or not so i dropped it. last week she calls my husband and said "can you ask cassidy to come help me clean the house? i have people coming over and my back is killing me." i responded with "well, what are you doing next weekend?" she said "i never have plans." so i said "alright, i will come help you clean your house if you watch our kids next weekend so we can have a date night." she said "absolutely!". i got in the car to head over. i then get a text from her that says "shit, i forgot that i have plans with my friend this weekend so i cant." i turned my car around and went back home. i get a call about an hour later asking where i am and when i would be there. so i said "i said i would come clean your house for free if you watched my kids next weekend. you changed your mind so i'm not coming." she started freaking out and said her friends would be there in 2 hours and she had accomplished nothing because she was waiting for me. i told her "well, it sounds like you better get moving then." she is now telling my husband that i wasted her time and that i was an ah for telling her one thing, doing another and not telling her that i wasnt coming over until she called to ask. i said that she should turn that statement around on herself, as she did the same thing and that i would no longer be doing her any favors, where she never bothers to help me out and never pays me. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i cant tell if i am being petty or not so please lay the judgement on thick. i'm 28f, my husband is 29m and his sister is 43f. she has an 11yo daughter. we have 2 kids, ages 9f and 3m. my husband and i have been together 11 years. since the very beginning my sil has been the "free handouts" type. she loves asking people to do free manual labor for her because she refuses to get off her sims game to do anything unless her husband barks orders at her. the dynamic in that household is sickening. so not even 2 months ago she asked if our 9yo could come clean up the toys in her yard for $20. this is the first time she offered money and my daughter wanted to do it. we went, she did the yard work by herself. when it came down to payment, my sil said "shit, i only have $10 to last me the week. can i pay you friday?" friday came and went and she never paid. so, i gave my daughter the $20 for her work and told my sil how fucked up it was. she apologized profusely and said she hadn't intended to do this. i couldnt tell if she was lying or not so i dropped it. last week she calls my husband and said "can you ask cassidy to come help me clean the house? i have people coming over and my back is killing me." i responded with "well, what are you doing next weekend?" she said "i never have plans." so i said "alright, i will come help you clean your house if you watch our kids next weekend so we can have a date night." she said "absolutely!". i got in the car to head over. i then get a text from her that says "shit, i forgot that i have plans with my friend this weekend so i cant." i turned my car around and went back home. i get a call about an hour later asking where i am and when i would be there. so i said "i said i would come clean your house for free if you watched my kids next weekend. you changed your mind so i'm not coming." she started freaking out and said her friends would be there in 2 hours and she had accomplished nothing because she was waiting for me. i told her "well, it sounds like you better get moving then." she is now telling my husband that i wasted her time and that i was an ah for telling her one thing, doing another and not telling her that i wasnt coming over until she called to ask. i said that she should turn that statement around on herself, as she did the same thing and that i would no longer be doing her any favors, where she never bothers to help me out and never pays me. aita? [/INST] nta kinda funny actually thanks for karma </s>
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AITA for not wanting to give up some of my college money
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i am a (16f) and i work part time at walmart to save up money for college. my parents aren’t very well off and haven’t saved any money for my education. i don’t blame them for this but it’s also been stressing me out, which is why i wanted to get a job.
my grandma lives in england and came to my house to visit more than a month ago. my mom has been begging me to give my grandma $500 because i am the first of her grandchildren to get a job and it would be a special gift. my mom also thinks that i should give her this money to show appreciation to her because my grandma has sent me money in the past. however, that was only once and my mom made me lie to my grandma and say i received the money even though my mom used it all. my mom has also been taking my money for other things and calling me selfish and ungrateful if i object.
this really bothers me because i am trying to save up money for college because my parents never did. it feels as though if my parents cared about my future they would leave my money alone and see that i am trying to better myself. i think it’s also important to mention that my grandma and i have absolutely no relationship due to distance.
i feel really bad and guilty because it’s always been ingrained in me that you’re supposed to give up anything for family and you’re not supposed to disrespect your elders. am i the asshole for not wanting to give up a piece of my college money for my grandma?
| 3,568 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gji1bt/aita_for_not_wanting_to_give_up_some_of_my/
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2020-05-14 08:06:13
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nta. do not give anyone in your family a dime. this is financial abuse.
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nta, you earned the money- spend it on what you want. i also feel like surely your grandma would be happy you’re saving for college? the idea of giving her $500 cash as a gift seems ludicrous to me, esp at age 16
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nta. make sure no one else has access to your accounts and keep saving. no one is ever entitled to something you earned. don't feel bad or guilty, you're doing something that will help your future and you should be really proud of that.
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why are you supposed to give someone else money to celebrate your first job? if she is so concerned about giving your grandma $500 why doesn’t she do it? nta.
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nta this is financial abuse.
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nta. your parents are being the most self centered people in existence. you are their child, they are not your children. it's not your job to mop up their inability to properly provide for themselves, especially if your mother takes it for other things and lied to your grandmother. you should put your foot down and say that it is your college money and you are trying to get an education to provide for a family if you have one.
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nta- i’m not gonna lie i’ve been in a situation kind of like this before where my parents used my financial aid money for whatever (bills, necessities etc). lemme save you at least 3 years of time and say don’t do it because they say. money can’t buy love or respect and i would hope your grandma would understand your future is important. also, don’t believe you have to sacrifice everything for family because you will be leave you stuck and in this case financially. i mean no offense to your parents but asking a 16 year old teenager to give $500 to a grandparent is ridiculous.
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nta
don't give the money. it's possible that your mom plans on getting that $500 for herself, some way.
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nta, you'll be damned for eternity if you give them anymore of your money, your future is most important.
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nta i would make sure that it is in an account they can’t access. i would also be prepared to move out and away from home for college.
if your grandma throws her gift in your face let her know the truth of how your mother took it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am a (16f) and i work part time at walmart to save up money for college. my parents aren’t very well off and haven’t saved any money for my education. i don’t blame them for this but it’s also been stressing me out, which is why i wanted to get a job. my grandma lives in england and came to my house to visit more than a month ago. my mom has been begging me to give my grandma $500 because i am the first of her grandchildren to get a job and it would be a special gift. my mom also thinks that i should give her this money to show appreciation to her because my grandma has sent me money in the past. however, that was only once and my mom made me lie to my grandma and say i received the money even though my mom used it all. my mom has also been taking my money for other things and calling me selfish and ungrateful if i object. this really bothers me because i am trying to save up money for college because my parents never did. it feels as though if my parents cared about my future they would leave my money alone and see that i am trying to better myself. i think it’s also important to mention that my grandma and i have absolutely no relationship due to distance. i feel really bad and guilty because it’s always been ingrained in me that you’re supposed to give up anything for family and you’re not supposed to disrespect your elders. am i the asshole for not wanting to give up a piece of my college money for my grandma?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am a (16f) and i work part time at walmart to save up money for college. my parents aren’t very well off and haven’t saved any money for my education. i don’t blame them for this but it’s also been stressing me out, which is why i wanted to get a job. my grandma lives in england and came to my house to visit more than a month ago. my mom has been begging me to give my grandma $500 because i am the first of her grandchildren to get a job and it would be a special gift. my mom also thinks that i should give her this money to show appreciation to her because my grandma has sent me money in the past. however, that was only once and my mom made me lie to my grandma and say i received the money even though my mom used it all. my mom has also been taking my money for other things and calling me selfish and ungrateful if i object. this really bothers me because i am trying to save up money for college because my parents never did. it feels as though if my parents cared about my future they would leave my money alone and see that i am trying to better myself. i think it’s also important to mention that my grandma and i have absolutely no relationship due to distance. i feel really bad and guilty because it’s always been ingrained in me that you’re supposed to give up anything for family and you’re not supposed to disrespect your elders. am i the asshole for not wanting to give up a piece of my college money for my grandma? [/INST] nta. do not give anyone in your family a dime. this is financial abuse. </s>
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AITA for not wanting strangers parking on my yard during city/county events?
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to give context, my city/ county throws parades for holidays: mlk day, mardi gras, christmas, etc. it’s up the main street of the town and my street branches off of the “parade street”. so naturally, ppl will park their cars up and down my street to make easier and quicker departure time for them and their families. i understand that. what i don’t understand is how 2 or 3 people each parade, will pull into my driveway or drive in my yard and park on my grass or driveway. now i used to not bat an eye at this situation because, parades last like 30 minutes right? well lately they’ve been hours, including people who show up early to get settled in. my mom now can’t get into her garage after coming home from work because there’s a f250 smack dab in the middle of our driveway. not to the side, literally at the very beginning of the driveway taking up all the space. so this christmas parade i saw the same f250 and walked by him while he sits in his truck and gave him a confused look while walking to my house. a look of “do i know you and why are you in my driveway?” i look at my house and look back at him and he scoffs, rolls his eyes, and pulls out. a old lady parks her car on my grass. i do the same thing but she ignores me. as a teenager i don’t really know what to do about this situation and when i try to get them to leave my yard they act as if i’m the ah. so i ask reddit.
aita
| 1,477 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zc5rdh/aita_for_not_wanting_strangers_parking_on_my_yard/
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2022-12-04 09:55:46
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nta - place a sign that says all cars parked in the drive or on the grass will be towed at owners expense! then call a tow company all the cops are possibly busy due to parade and can’t get through.
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nta
if you can, see if you can buy some traffic cones and tape, or other means of blocking off your driveway and yard so you can set them up when you know an event is coming up.
and/or call the police. you can put up a sign notifying anyone that parks there that police will be called.
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nta. tow. tow their cars off your property. i never considered parking at someone’s house before that’s crazy. it’s also a liability if they have something in their car they shouldn’t have while on your property.
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nta - i used to rent an apartment next to a baseball field. we had a designated driveway for our car, but when there were little league games going on, i would find a car blocking my driveway. i would call the police every time before i got the name of a towing company willing to tow these cars. my husband also had a friend at the municipal building who sent a crew to paint our curb yellow (our neighbor saw this and also asked they paint her curb yellow since she had the same problem). after all this, the parked cars stopped. bottom line is no one should be taking liberties on your property and you have options. don’t be afraid to accuse these people of trespassing and that you will be having their car towed if they leave it there. like others suggested, put up a sign that any unauthorized car on, or blocking entry to, your property will be towed at owner’s expense. good luck
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post a prominent sign saying there is a fee of $40 to park there.
meanwhile, nta. but i think you should learn to use your words.
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nta, many people who can't have fenced their property often put big boulders on the street facing end of their lawn so assholes can't put their cars there.
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nta we live in a similar town in the south. in fact there’s a parade today. get some stakes and put up yellow tape along yard and a couple no parking signs. at end of drive way put orange cones to block it with no parking signs. you can use chairs just something you can easily move so you can access driveway. it’s a small investment to do but you can use it over for every event. several people here now charge people to park in the yards,$20.
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pick up the phone and call the police. that's what they're there for.
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[removed]
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nta- why don’t you put up a sign saying that vehicles will be clamped as you need access to your property. most people are decent and would ask before parking on someone’s property, so you would only be doing it to stop assholes. if you don’t want to buy a clamp, ring round some tow firms- i am sure they would be delighted to do it on your behalf!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: to give context, my city/ county throws parades for holidays: mlk day, mardi gras, christmas, etc. it’s up the main street of the town and my street branches off of the “parade street”. so naturally, ppl will park their cars up and down my street to make easier and quicker departure time for them and their families. i understand that. what i don’t understand is how 2 or 3 people each parade, will pull into my driveway or drive in my yard and park on my grass or driveway. now i used to not bat an eye at this situation because, parades last like 30 minutes right? well lately they’ve been hours, including people who show up early to get settled in. my mom now can’t get into her garage after coming home from work because there’s a f250 smack dab in the middle of our driveway. not to the side, literally at the very beginning of the driveway taking up all the space. so this christmas parade i saw the same f250 and walked by him while he sits in his truck and gave him a confused look while walking to my house. a look of “do i know you and why are you in my driveway?” i look at my house and look back at him and he scoffs, rolls his eyes, and pulls out. a old lady parks her car on my grass. i do the same thing but she ignores me. as a teenager i don’t really know what to do about this situation and when i try to get them to leave my yard they act as if i’m the ah. so i ask reddit. aita
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
to give context, my city/ county throws parades for holidays: mlk day, mardi gras, christmas, etc. it’s up the main street of the town and my street branches off of the “parade street”. so naturally, ppl will park their cars up and down my street to make easier and quicker departure time for them and their families. i understand that. what i don’t understand is how 2 or 3 people each parade, will pull into my driveway or drive in my yard and park on my grass or driveway. now i used to not bat an eye at this situation because, parades last like 30 minutes right? well lately they’ve been hours, including people who show up early to get settled in. my mom now can’t get into her garage after coming home from work because there’s a f250 smack dab in the middle of our driveway. not to the side, literally at the very beginning of the driveway taking up all the space. so this christmas parade i saw the same f250 and walked by him while he sits in his truck and gave him a confused look while walking to my house. a look of “do i know you and why are you in my driveway?” i look at my house and look back at him and he scoffs, rolls his eyes, and pulls out. a old lady parks her car on my grass. i do the same thing but she ignores me. as a teenager i don’t really know what to do about this situation and when i try to get them to leave my yard they act as if i’m the ah. so i ask reddit. aita [/INST] nta - place a sign that says all cars parked in the drive or on the grass will be towed at owners expense! then call a tow company all the cops are possibly busy due to parade and can’t get through. </s>
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WIBTA if I cut my child off for not going to college?
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my son is 18 yo and currently on a gap year, he has offers from a range of fantastic colleges including princeton and berkeley. he isn't interested in going and wants to work as a scuba diving instructor, something he's done as a hobby for years.
this is something i'd never even consider cause of lack of money, social status, accomplishment but he honestly does not seem bothered by this. still i feel as if he will end up regretting it long term when he's older, which is why i've suggested to my wife cutting him off and then seeing if he still feels the same way after he graduates. she's flipped out and brings up how he's wanted to do this for years, lifes dream etc but at the end of the day i'm the breadwinner and my sons moneys coming from him. wibta if i cut him off if he doesn't attend? he could easily "survive" without support but it would be a far less luxurious lifetstyle.
| 158 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c4kdzb/wibta_if_i_cut_my_child_off_for_not_going_to/
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2019-06-24 08:51:29
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yta.
too much of a not-so-humble brag going on here.
encourage him to attend and take that opportunity now while his acceptances are still valid. going back later is much, much harder.
find a different way to encourage him to go now if you think that is the right thing. he is an adult and will choose his own path ultimately.
i wish my parents were half as supportive as this when i wanted more than anything to attend college. find another way to accomplish your goal.
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it’s highly unlikely that going to college is going to bring the money, social status and accomplishment that you think it will, particularly if he’s uninterested in pursuing it. kids come out of college with debt and skill at attending school, not real-world experience. pursuing higher education is a long-term commitment for a professional degree. general undergrad degrees are barely worth the paper they’re printed on, and every coffee shop barista found out the hard way.
trade school is a far better option, particularly if someone is passionate about it. specialized training in an area he’s interested in may spark an interest in pursuing it further - getting into marine biology? it may open doors for travel and experience that college won’t.
yta for cutting him off as punishment for not following your desired path for him, and your views and expectations from that path are likely archaic and not relevant to this new generation. encourage and support him instead, with the goal that this will lead him to self-sufficiency and a career he enjoys. be proud of him for having passion for it and pursuing something that makes him happy, rather than bemoaning the lack of social status because you feel it reflects poorly on you. nurturing is something to be proud of, not disregarding his happiness because it’s not the path you’ve taken.
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you're under no obligation to support his lifestyle if he's choosing to go straight into the workforce.
from the other perspective, i went into a field of study which i was only vaguely interested in, in an effort to please my parents who expected me to study straight after school. i didn't really have a grasp on what i wanted to do, and i hated it, but finished.
i am now working in a completely unrelated field. i wouldn't say i regret studying per se, but it was an expensive decision which didn't work out. i carry a lot of guilt for that. i think if i had waited i would have chosen something more suited.
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yta for trying to force him to go to university.
i didn't go to university until i was about 21-22 and tbh, i don't think i would have coped had i gone when i was 18. college/university is a huge commitment, and if he isn't ready to make that commitment yet, then maybe you should allow him that room to grow until he is ready. if he's not in the right mind set to study for 3+ years, or feels like he's being forced in to it just to please you, then that could impact how he feels towards you and towards studying/college. i know i'd feel resentful if my mother had made the decision for me to go to university and it hadn't been my own choice.
i've never understood the culture of shuffling kids through school and then straight in to college, like they're on a conveyor belt. he wants to be a scuba instructor; he doesn't need college for that. there's no point in getting himself in thousands of dollars of debt to come out of university and then become a scuba instructor.
if you want to cut him off, then fine, but do it because he's an adult, not because you're trying to force him in to going to college. maybe offer financial support while studying if he does decide to go in the future, but don't be like "i'm cutting you off because you're not going to princeton straight away".
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nta. if he wants to be a scuba instructor. let him be a scuba instructor. but he lives off the wages of a scuba instructor. i'd like to hope you'd support him as well if he wanted to learn a trade or do an apprenticeship. but if you want to do a menial job that has no upward momentum or development. you should do so with no parental support.
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i am leaning towards yta. hear me out.
you're his father. he doesn't want to go to college and he wants to follow his dream. you are giving him an ultimatum that he could one day resent you for. an ultimatum your wife is not supportive of. this would be telling your wife her opinion doesn't matter because you make the money in the house, not her.
yes. it is your money. do with it as you please, but you could be jeopardizing your marriage in the process since your wife doesn't agree. she wants to still support him while supporting his dreams. maybe you should sit down and talk to both of them and find an understanding as to why he wants this.
and sure, he could survive without your money, but you could also be irreparably damaging your relationship with your son. remember that.
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nah - he wants to follow his dream. his dream is to be a scuba instructor, which does not require anything other than knowing how to be a scuba instructor, and it kinda sounds like he's pretty much there. once he's an instructor, he's earning a paycheck, so he should be on his own.
how about put up his first months rent/deposit so he can move and get his dream job, and keep the offer of university payment being there if he ever decides to use it? you're not obliged to support your children through their entire lives, he's old enough to do his thing. paying for education is nice to do though, and it sounds like you'd already somewhat set that money aside.
yta for your views of scuba diving due to social status/accomplishment though, get your head out of your arse. if he has a dream, and he genuinely enjoys it, let him do it.
| null | null | null |
YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NAH
| null | null | null | 0.284979 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my son is 18 yo and currently on a gap year, he has offers from a range of fantastic colleges including princeton and berkeley. he isn't interested in going and wants to work as a scuba diving instructor, something he's done as a hobby for years. this is something i'd never even consider cause of lack of money, social status, accomplishment but he honestly does not seem bothered by this. still i feel as if he will end up regretting it long term when he's older, which is why i've suggested to my wife cutting him off and then seeing if he still feels the same way after he graduates. she's flipped out and brings up how he's wanted to do this for years, lifes dream etc but at the end of the day i'm the breadwinner and my sons moneys coming from him. wibta if i cut him off if he doesn't attend? he could easily "survive" without support but it would be a far less luxurious lifetstyle.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my son is 18 yo and currently on a gap year, he has offers from a range of fantastic colleges including princeton and berkeley. he isn't interested in going and wants to work as a scuba diving instructor, something he's done as a hobby for years. this is something i'd never even consider cause of lack of money, social status, accomplishment but he honestly does not seem bothered by this. still i feel as if he will end up regretting it long term when he's older, which is why i've suggested to my wife cutting him off and then seeing if he still feels the same way after he graduates. she's flipped out and brings up how he's wanted to do this for years, lifes dream etc but at the end of the day i'm the breadwinner and my sons moneys coming from him. wibta if i cut him off if he doesn't attend? he could easily "survive" without support but it would be a far less luxurious lifetstyle. [/INST] yta. too much of a not-so-humble brag going on here. encourage him to attend and take that opportunity now while his acceptances are still valid. going back later is much, much harder. find a different way to encourage him to go now if you think that is the right thing. he is an adult and will choose his own path ultimately. i wish my parents were half as supportive as this when i wanted more than anything to attend college. find another way to accomplish your goal. </s>
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AITA for asking a seller for a photo of an eBay item?
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hey guys, 31m here, my first time posting in this subreddit, these events took place yesterday and just now, here goes:
ok, so yesterday i ordered a purple glass diamond paperweight as my current one has scratches and lost a little color, after i ordered and paid for it, i messaged the seller to see if they can send a pic of it so i can see how purple it is, they haven’t got an actual picture of the item, just a stock image (i think) totally innocent question, shouldn’t take a minute, thought they would’ve done that, boy was i wrong! i received the following message earlier today saying:
”no sorry we dont have time to do these things, your order has been cancelled and you can purchase from elsewhere..”
and then they refunded me, saying there was an issue with my address in which there wasn’t as i had ordered a different coloured glass paperweight from them before with no issues
i did respond to them apologising if i had sounded unreasonable though, maybe they didn’t have time to do it or maybe my request was cheeky of me to ask, i’m not sure, i work in retail and to compare this, it’ll be like me refusing to sell an item to a customer if they asked to try it out or if it was electrical, to see if it worked
aita for asking for a picture of it before they posted it?
&#x200b;
| 170 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ph65wi/aita_for_asking_a_seller_for_a_photo_of_an_ebay/
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2021-09-03 14:23:44
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nta they might be ordering from elsewhere and getting it sent to your address (i know someone who does this)
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nta - something tells me you would have gotten scammed if you hadn’t emailed them at all
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nta
fair enough they might not have had the time to take a picture of it, but it's \*highly\* suspicious that when you asked they outright cancelled your order. that is a very lopsided reaction to a perfectly reasonable request.
they've also blatantly lied about there being an issue with the address; if there had been, they'd have mentioned that when responding to you.
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nta. most likely they are not the actual seller of the item, they are 3rd party (they don’t have the item with them, they order it for you & is sent to you from where they ordered it)
instead of explaining this (which would jeopardize business) they became defensive & cancelled.
find a better seller.
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nta - are you able to recognize you dodged a bullet with a potentially problematic sale?
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nta, just a seller being weird about things. the lower the threshold to set up a shop, the more variability you get in quality of service.
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nta
i used to sell on ebay a lot, he chose that reason “problem with address” because it’ll stop him from paying a fee or getting a strike on his account (i can’t remember which it is, i think it’s the fee but if a seller constantly cancels items ebay will start to give them strikes).
i avoid buying from other sellers who only use stock images on their listings and asking for images for an item (even if the listing has images of said item in their possession) is extremely common, the only time (professional wise) a seller won’t/ can’t send a picture is because the item is already boxed up, but that being said why didn’t you ask for the pictures before hand?
however you can still leave feedback (should be able too) and warn other buyers of this unprofessional seller
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hey guys, 31m here, my first time posting in this subreddit, these events took place yesterday and just now, here goes: ok, so yesterday i ordered a purple glass diamond paperweight as my current one has scratches and lost a little color, after i ordered and paid for it, i messaged the seller to see if they can send a pic of it so i can see how purple it is, they haven’t got an actual picture of the item, just a stock image (i think) totally innocent question, shouldn’t take a minute, thought they would’ve done that, boy was i wrong! i received the following message earlier today saying: ”no sorry we dont have time to do these things, your order has been cancelled and you can purchase from elsewhere..” and then they refunded me, saying there was an issue with my address in which there wasn’t as i had ordered a different coloured glass paperweight from them before with no issues i did respond to them apologising if i had sounded unreasonable though, maybe they didn’t have time to do it or maybe my request was cheeky of me to ask, i’m not sure, i work in retail and to compare this, it’ll be like me refusing to sell an item to a customer if they asked to try it out or if it was electrical, to see if it worked aita for asking for a picture of it before they posted it? &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hey guys, 31m here, my first time posting in this subreddit, these events took place yesterday and just now, here goes: ok, so yesterday i ordered a purple glass diamond paperweight as my current one has scratches and lost a little color, after i ordered and paid for it, i messaged the seller to see if they can send a pic of it so i can see how purple it is, they haven’t got an actual picture of the item, just a stock image (i think) totally innocent question, shouldn’t take a minute, thought they would’ve done that, boy was i wrong! i received the following message earlier today saying: ”no sorry we dont have time to do these things, your order has been cancelled and you can purchase from elsewhere..” and then they refunded me, saying there was an issue with my address in which there wasn’t as i had ordered a different coloured glass paperweight from them before with no issues i did respond to them apologising if i had sounded unreasonable though, maybe they didn’t have time to do it or maybe my request was cheeky of me to ask, i’m not sure, i work in retail and to compare this, it’ll be like me refusing to sell an item to a customer if they asked to try it out or if it was electrical, to see if it worked aita for asking for a picture of it before they posted it? &#x200b; [/INST] nta they might be ordering from elsewhere and getting it sent to your address (i know someone who does this) </s>
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AITA for taking away my niece's flower girl duty the day of the wedding?
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got married last weekend and had a lovely day, but had some commotion early on the wedding day.
for flower girl, we had a choice between my two nieces, amber and katie. they're both eight and it was a tough decision. unfortunately for my perfect day i felt shallow and since amber has more of a typical angelic ''cute'' appearance (very long hair, glasses, big smile) i picked her. her parents also convinced me she deserved it because she got top marks in some assessment her school did.
during the wedding prep katie and her dad (my brother) kept telling me that amber had been bullying her about the fact she didn't get the job. the girls have never liked each other for reasons i don't know. i didn't pay too much mind to it since i was too caught up in myself.
on the wedding morning i got to witness the bullying myself and it was pretty cruel. amber (and keep in mind this is an eight year old child) told katie that she'd never get married because she's too ugly. i could imagine how upsetting this would be for a child and i made amber apologise and also took away the flower girl job and gave it to katie. amber was crying throughout the wedding day, and for the past days i haven't heard anything from her dad my other brother.
my husband and i are going away on our honeymoon on thursday, and i was anxious to get in touch with my brother before we leave. he finally called me and was extremely angry at me for taking the job away from his daughter. he said amber has been crying the past two days and felt really humiliated, and was really looking forward to the job.
as someone who was bullied myself growing up, it felt like the right thing to do after amber's behaviour towards katie. i can't imagine how upsetting those comments would be, and at that point katie, who had never been anything other than well behaved deserved it more than amber.
| 12,874 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dc2rg6/aita_for_taking_away_my_nieces_flower_girl_duty/
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2019-10-02 00:41:45
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yta for not just having two flower girls. like, why was this even an issue in the first place?
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yta for making it so incredibly obvious that you were picking amber over katie in the first place that you gave credibility to amber's bullying. there was no reason you couldn't have 2 flower girls. you played favorites, then realized it was problematic when amber exaggerated the same reasoning that lead to your initial decision.
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yta for choosing your flower girl based on who was cuter. who the hell are you to be judging an 8 year old kid on how cute she is? sounds like bullying runs in the family.
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yta. i have 4 nieces and all 4 of them were flower girls at my wedding. why choose just one, and the "cute" one at that? sounds like you created your own drama just for pretty pictures
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esh except katie. why didn't you choose them both? they wear pretty dresses and throw a few flowers. the parents bask in reflected glory. you get married. why choose one over the other.
amber sucks for bullying. her dad sucks for not having your back over his daughter's behaviour.
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yta. amber is eight. she's parroting the attitudes of those around her. i have a cousin my age and this happened to us all the time. our family would treat me like the cute one and her like the good one, and we fell into our respective roles and we fought all the time. it took until we were adults to see the ways in which we were constantly encouraged to compete with each other.
you're surprised to hear amber call katie ugly when you basically did the same damn thing in your rationale for excluding katie from your wedding in the first place.
you have two nieces. your job is to love them both, treat them both with respect and model positive behavior. do better.
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yta you picked your flower girl based on who was cuter wth.
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yta
> the girls have never liked each other for reasons i don't know. i didn't pay too much mind to it since i
it could be cause someone who is trying to convince us they're an adult is pitting them against each other.
> i was too caught up in myself.
this i have absolutely no difficulty believing. self-absorption sounds like a default operating mode for you, wedding or no.
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>as someone who was bullied myself growing up
oh, did you learn bullying is bad?
>unfortunately for my perfect day i felt shallow and since amber has more of a typical angelic ''cute'' appearance (very long hair, glasses, big smile) i picked her.
no, you did not. yta for bullying an 8 year old. and who even says you can't have two flower girls?
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esh
you for not just having two flower girls and playing favourites. (and especially for choosing one based on her appearance, like way to teach her that appearance is most important, no wonder she said that to the other one)
you brother for raising a bratty bully.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
| 0.002 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: got married last weekend and had a lovely day, but had some commotion early on the wedding day. for flower girl, we had a choice between my two nieces, amber and katie. they're both eight and it was a tough decision. unfortunately for my perfect day i felt shallow and since amber has more of a typical angelic ''cute'' appearance (very long hair, glasses, big smile) i picked her. her parents also convinced me she deserved it because she got top marks in some assessment her school did. during the wedding prep katie and her dad (my brother) kept telling me that amber had been bullying her about the fact she didn't get the job. the girls have never liked each other for reasons i don't know. i didn't pay too much mind to it since i was too caught up in myself. on the wedding morning i got to witness the bullying myself and it was pretty cruel. amber (and keep in mind this is an eight year old child) told katie that she'd never get married because she's too ugly. i could imagine how upsetting this would be for a child and i made amber apologise and also took away the flower girl job and gave it to katie. amber was crying throughout the wedding day, and for the past days i haven't heard anything from her dad my other brother. my husband and i are going away on our honeymoon on thursday, and i was anxious to get in touch with my brother before we leave. he finally called me and was extremely angry at me for taking the job away from his daughter. he said amber has been crying the past two days and felt really humiliated, and was really looking forward to the job. as someone who was bullied myself growing up, it felt like the right thing to do after amber's behaviour towards katie. i can't imagine how upsetting those comments would be, and at that point katie, who had never been anything other than well behaved deserved it more than amber.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
got married last weekend and had a lovely day, but had some commotion early on the wedding day. for flower girl, we had a choice between my two nieces, amber and katie. they're both eight and it was a tough decision. unfortunately for my perfect day i felt shallow and since amber has more of a typical angelic ''cute'' appearance (very long hair, glasses, big smile) i picked her. her parents also convinced me she deserved it because she got top marks in some assessment her school did. during the wedding prep katie and her dad (my brother) kept telling me that amber had been bullying her about the fact she didn't get the job. the girls have never liked each other for reasons i don't know. i didn't pay too much mind to it since i was too caught up in myself. on the wedding morning i got to witness the bullying myself and it was pretty cruel. amber (and keep in mind this is an eight year old child) told katie that she'd never get married because she's too ugly. i could imagine how upsetting this would be for a child and i made amber apologise and also took away the flower girl job and gave it to katie. amber was crying throughout the wedding day, and for the past days i haven't heard anything from her dad my other brother. my husband and i are going away on our honeymoon on thursday, and i was anxious to get in touch with my brother before we leave. he finally called me and was extremely angry at me for taking the job away from his daughter. he said amber has been crying the past two days and felt really humiliated, and was really looking forward to the job. as someone who was bullied myself growing up, it felt like the right thing to do after amber's behaviour towards katie. i can't imagine how upsetting those comments would be, and at that point katie, who had never been anything other than well behaved deserved it more than amber. [/INST] yta for not just having two flower girls. like, why was this even an issue in the first place? </s>
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WIBTA if I ask my Fiancé to get me a real ring?
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my fiancé proposed to me on new years- with a ring pop, as an inside joke. it was adorable and so sweet- but as you can tell, by now- the lollipop is long gone and i can't wear the band that comes with it all the time.
i'm seven months pregnant, and i'm wanting an effort more than ever. i bring up wedding plans, and he says its all up to me, because i'm the one who has a fashion sense.
money is not an issue at all, but anytime i hint about a ring, even a ten dollar ring i found online, or if i could pay for it- he blows me off. he changes the subject, or says "i'll get you one".
i feel like i'm being too needy or selfish, but part of me feels like he should be trying?
with a baby on the way, i want him to start trying to start our future together, if that even makes sense.
will i be the asshole, if i ask him to just get me a new ring?
| 632 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/djksg1/wibta_if_i_ask_my_fiancé_to_get_me_a_real_ring/
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2019-10-18 09:01:52
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nta also wedding planning is more than a 'fashion sense'. he is avoiding responsibility
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nta from what you're saying here the issue is not the ring, but your fiancé's general attitude. he seems selfish and lazy regarding both the ring and the wedding. by fobbing you of with' you have more fashion sense' your fiance is placing on your shoulder a hundred percent of the responsibility of a day that takes a massive amount of work. you need to coordinate family and friends, plan a venue and vendors, prepare the payment of deposits and bills, and a hundred other things.
by saying 'you know about fashion' your boyfriend is saying 'i will not help you do any work.'
he needs to grow up and learn how to contribute in a meaningful way.
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nta i totally get wanting a ring, but you may want to keep in mind that at seven months pregnant your fingers are likely a bit swollen even if you don’t realize it. i couldn’t wear my wedding ring from about seven months through six weeks after i had the baby and my hand looked pretty normal. i didn’t have any obvious swelling, but my fingers were about one ring size bigger. it might be a good idea to either wait or to get a very cheap ring now and save the real ring for once you are sure your ring size has stabilized.
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info. as with so many aita stories, something sounds fishy here. i think the ring is a clear metaphor for commitment. that’s the conversation you need to have, not the proxy. get to the root of the problem: “are you prepared to enter into this new life with me, your wife, and your child?” that’s a big question. he needs to figure it out—and yes, with your help
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nta, your fiance doesn't seem very invested in your relationship.
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nta. he needs to step up on the ring *and* the wedding. does [this cartoon](https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/) remind you of your fiancé at all?
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i would recommend sitting him down and explicitly telling him how you feel. also another poster recommended getting a fake ring until you’ve had your baby due to finger swelling and i couldn’t agree more!
“so, i feel hurt when i think about the idea that you haven’t bought me an engagement ring yet. it makes me feel like you are unsure about your decision to marry me. i would really appreciate if you bought me a $50 placeholder ring while you picked out the real one. it might seem silly to you, but if you did this for me, it would really make me feel more secure about your love for me.”
i’ve been married for almost 2 years now and the biggest thing that i’ve learned is that you both have to be completely honest when things hurt or bother you (or else it will never change). sometimes it isn’t the romantic thing to do but it’s the only way to improve! i have had to beg my husband to buy me a silly $1 card on valentine’s day because i just wanted something in my hands to feel special. he didn’t understand why something cheap would even be better than nothing. it wasn’t romantic, but he did it and it made me feel a little more loved than the day prior. one day, he’ll buy me a valentine’s day gift without having to be asked. but he never would have known that it bothered me if i hadn’t explicitly said so.
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nta.
...but i'm also concerned about the division of emotional labor here.
he's putting all of the work of planning a wedding on you. he's basically saying, "do the work, and i'll show up."
are you going to be ok if he takes this route during parenthood? are you okay with running the household, making ever lunch, knowing every appointment, and having to tell your husband where to be and when? because that might be hour future if he doesn't step up.
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nta. he chose to propose and should buy you a ring.
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nta and i’m also someone that proposed with a ring pop lol. i might be similar to your husband in that regard. i don’t care for rings, weddings or even marriage tbh.
my wife also asked for a real ring and even though personally i don’t care for them and it wasn’t a big deal to get her one to make her happy. i can’t understand why your husband seems to be against it if it’s something he can afford.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my fiancé proposed to me on new years- with a ring pop, as an inside joke. it was adorable and so sweet- but as you can tell, by now- the lollipop is long gone and i can't wear the band that comes with it all the time. i'm seven months pregnant, and i'm wanting an effort more than ever. i bring up wedding plans, and he says its all up to me, because i'm the one who has a fashion sense. money is not an issue at all, but anytime i hint about a ring, even a ten dollar ring i found online, or if i could pay for it- he blows me off. he changes the subject, or says "i'll get you one". i feel like i'm being too needy or selfish, but part of me feels like he should be trying? with a baby on the way, i want him to start trying to start our future together, if that even makes sense. will i be the asshole, if i ask him to just get me a new ring?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my fiancé proposed to me on new years- with a ring pop, as an inside joke. it was adorable and so sweet- but as you can tell, by now- the lollipop is long gone and i can't wear the band that comes with it all the time. i'm seven months pregnant, and i'm wanting an effort more than ever. i bring up wedding plans, and he says its all up to me, because i'm the one who has a fashion sense. money is not an issue at all, but anytime i hint about a ring, even a ten dollar ring i found online, or if i could pay for it- he blows me off. he changes the subject, or says "i'll get you one". i feel like i'm being too needy or selfish, but part of me feels like he should be trying? with a baby on the way, i want him to start trying to start our future together, if that even makes sense. will i be the asshole, if i ask him to just get me a new ring? [/INST] nta also wedding planning is more than a 'fashion sense'. he is avoiding responsibility </s>
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AITA for refusing to pack (extra) specific clothing for my kids so their grandmother can do a photoshoot on their visit?
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5 years ago my ex and i split up. he stopped taking our kids for visits in april of 2018 but he continues to live at home with his mother for free, while never working, paying child support or making an effort with our kids. he is 29.
once every 6 months or so my children's grandmother, my ex's mom, decides she wants the kids for the weekend. they make no effort during this and i am made to drop off and pick up my kids whenever they go. its 3 hours, round trip. so 6 hours of my weekend, my only days off. doesnt seem like much but its irritating.
now, the thing is that i always provide my kids with everything they need. clothes, toothbrushes, tylenol, shampoos, carseats and booster seats. they have never bought anything for the kids and never provided them with anything they will need on a visit. so this mixed with the fact that i have to drive them to and from their grandmother's really gets under my skin.
anyways, i get a text yesterday asking me to pack an extra pair of clothing next weekend for each kid because their grandmother planned a photoshoot with my kids and her 3 kids, including my ex. i said no. she lost her shit on me and said she wanted the kids to "look decent" and that if they weren't dressed in color coordinated clothing with her kids, the whole shoot would look like a mess. i told her that she could bring the kids out shopping for clothes if that were the case because i wasnt making a special trip to the store to pick up the specific items she is requesting. she argued she didnt have time to do so.
now, she works from home 3 days a week as an insurance broker. she makes easily 4x the amount i do in a month. i work monday through friday and when i am home, i have shit to do that does not consist of running to the store to grab more clothes, even though it wouldnt take too much time.
aita for refusing to do this even though i do have the means to do so? admittedly part of the reason why i refuse is because i know these photos will be posted on her fb account as well as my kids sperm donors fb account pretending that they are fucking perfect and super involved with my kids when they arent and that really gets under my skin. i dont want to purchase clothing for them to get perfect photos and pretend they are a perfect family.
| 683 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jtfyod/aita_for_refusing_to_pack_extra_specific_clothing/
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2020-11-13 12:15:31
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nta
totally not. it’s wholly unreasonable for them to expect you to do all the driving let alone buy specific clothes
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nta
and stop taking your kids there. if your ex wants them, he (not his mom) needs to come get them and you will pick them up.
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nta here, if *she* (the gm) wants something for *her* personal use then it is *her* responsibility to provide these items. not yours.
do the kids enjoy the visit or is this more enforced upon them?
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nta.
wow, you are way more patient than most people. perhaps too much.
as someone who has been there done that with an equally useless sperm donor father (ex), who expected me to maintain standards for his "beloved" son while providing no help at all, i have to say that the effort you are making is actually contributing to the problem.
i say that with understanding; if the kids gain from it it's worth doing but only to a point. the kids will also be seeing their dad take your energy and patience with no appreciation. you are setting them an example of how they can walk all over someone else (or let someone do it to them).
some changes would be worthwhile.
reverse the way you get the kids - ex and gma can pick up from your place, you collect from theirs at the end of the weekend. if he doesn't like it, tough. you deserve better than to be their lackey.
reconsider providing toys for the kids to play with there. if they have heaps of fun at dad's then come home to the exhausted, broke mumma it puts you in a bad light - for no effort on his part.
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nta and i would advise you stop being so accommodating. if they want the kids they can come get them.
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nta. it amazes me that you are even doing as much as you are presently doing for such people.
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nta - do not buy the extra clothes and they should be doing at least half the driving.
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sperm donor and his mom make minimal effort when it comes to the kids. maybe they should drive the six hours to pick up the kids every once in a while. and if grandma wants special clothes, she can freaking buy them.
nta
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nta. how entitled!!! if grandma wants them to look a certain way she can run to the store herself.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: 5 years ago my ex and i split up. he stopped taking our kids for visits in april of 2018 but he continues to live at home with his mother for free, while never working, paying child support or making an effort with our kids. he is 29. once every 6 months or so my children's grandmother, my ex's mom, decides she wants the kids for the weekend. they make no effort during this and i am made to drop off and pick up my kids whenever they go. its 3 hours, round trip. so 6 hours of my weekend, my only days off. doesnt seem like much but its irritating. now, the thing is that i always provide my kids with everything they need. clothes, toothbrushes, tylenol, shampoos, carseats and booster seats. they have never bought anything for the kids and never provided them with anything they will need on a visit. so this mixed with the fact that i have to drive them to and from their grandmother's really gets under my skin. anyways, i get a text yesterday asking me to pack an extra pair of clothing next weekend for each kid because their grandmother planned a photoshoot with my kids and her 3 kids, including my ex. i said no. she lost her shit on me and said she wanted the kids to "look decent" and that if they weren't dressed in color coordinated clothing with her kids, the whole shoot would look like a mess. i told her that she could bring the kids out shopping for clothes if that were the case because i wasnt making a special trip to the store to pick up the specific items she is requesting. she argued she didnt have time to do so. now, she works from home 3 days a week as an insurance broker. she makes easily 4x the amount i do in a month. i work monday through friday and when i am home, i have shit to do that does not consist of running to the store to grab more clothes, even though it wouldnt take too much time. aita for refusing to do this even though i do have the means to do so? admittedly part of the reason why i refuse is because i know these photos will be posted on her fb account as well as my kids sperm donors fb account pretending that they are fucking perfect and super involved with my kids when they arent and that really gets under my skin. i dont want to purchase clothing for them to get perfect photos and pretend they are a perfect family.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
5 years ago my ex and i split up. he stopped taking our kids for visits in april of 2018 but he continues to live at home with his mother for free, while never working, paying child support or making an effort with our kids. he is 29. once every 6 months or so my children's grandmother, my ex's mom, decides she wants the kids for the weekend. they make no effort during this and i am made to drop off and pick up my kids whenever they go. its 3 hours, round trip. so 6 hours of my weekend, my only days off. doesnt seem like much but its irritating. now, the thing is that i always provide my kids with everything they need. clothes, toothbrushes, tylenol, shampoos, carseats and booster seats. they have never bought anything for the kids and never provided them with anything they will need on a visit. so this mixed with the fact that i have to drive them to and from their grandmother's really gets under my skin. anyways, i get a text yesterday asking me to pack an extra pair of clothing next weekend for each kid because their grandmother planned a photoshoot with my kids and her 3 kids, including my ex. i said no. she lost her shit on me and said she wanted the kids to "look decent" and that if they weren't dressed in color coordinated clothing with her kids, the whole shoot would look like a mess. i told her that she could bring the kids out shopping for clothes if that were the case because i wasnt making a special trip to the store to pick up the specific items she is requesting. she argued she didnt have time to do so. now, she works from home 3 days a week as an insurance broker. she makes easily 4x the amount i do in a month. i work monday through friday and when i am home, i have shit to do that does not consist of running to the store to grab more clothes, even though it wouldnt take too much time. aita for refusing to do this even though i do have the means to do so? admittedly part of the reason why i refuse is because i know these photos will be posted on her fb account as well as my kids sperm donors fb account pretending that they are fucking perfect and super involved with my kids when they arent and that really gets under my skin. i dont want to purchase clothing for them to get perfect photos and pretend they are a perfect family. [/INST] nta totally not. it’s wholly unreasonable for them to expect you to do all the driving let alone buy specific clothes </s>
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AITA for not inviting my dad and his mistress to his wedding
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throwaway because i don't want this to come back to me
i am getting married soon and i have not invited my father or his mistress. he cheated on my mother and essentially screwed her over. i want nothing to do with that person i sadly have to call human and a father.
he spent my god damn college fund which was almost 80% of my mother's money on his mistress and has only called me for money despite having a bunch of his own knowing we were barley surviving just so he could belittle us.
he has always expected things in life without during the heavy work and my grandmother encourages it which is why he grew up to be a deadbeat father and entitled. i got a phone call from him expecting a wedding invitation.
i laughed, said no, and then hung up. less than an hour later my grandmother called to chew me out and said i was being a ungrateful and spiteful brat. i almost choked on the food i was eating when hearing this.
i can agree it was spiteful to laugh at him but he laughed at me for years and nobody cared but when i laughed at him one time they acted like i murdered someone or something. now my dad's family is on my case about being rude. i wanted to know if i was being spiteful or ungrateful. aita
| 6,279 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nd8nxa/aita_for_not_inviting_my_dad_and_his_mistress_to/
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2021-05-15 21:14:34
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nta. and i'd cut that grandma loose right along with him.
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nta
he spent your college fund on his mistress?!?!! i literally haven't met this guy yet i hate his guts. to hell with it. screw that guy. he doesn't deserve to go to your wedding
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nta.
your wedding. your guests. you are not obligated to extend an invitation to anyone you don’t want there. it doesn’t even matter if the person in question is family, friend, nice, or in this case - an asshole. you don’t want them there? done. no invitation. that is all.
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nta. start hanging up on your toxic grandma, too.
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nta block his number. this is you and your spouse's wedding not his.
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i mean, this are being spiteful... and it is well deserved. as far as ungrateful, what exactly are you supposed to be grateful for? there fact that he stole from you? or the fact that he destroyed your family?
your dad made the decision to cheat on your mother. that decision comes with consequences. he made this bed and now he gets to lie in it
nta
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nta. your father made his terrible choices, now he can deal with the consequences. i would personally cc everyone on his side of the family on an email stating exactly why you don’t want him there and if they want to judge you for it, they can join him in not attending. because that? is some toxic ass shit right there.
you are not required to give to people who do nothing but take from you, regardless of your relationship with that person.
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nta
where were they when he was spending your college fund or cheating on your mother?
if they chewed him out for that, things might have been different.
keep in mind, people will ask questions about this matter and your fathers bad behaviour will be exposed. they are probably more concerned about “losing face” rather than a healthy relationship.
ignore them.
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nta. cut them out of your life.
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nta. he sounds like a terrible human. your wedding is a day to celebrate with loved ones, and you are entitled to invite whomever you want.
i dunno, if it was me, i would tell him he can come if he pays back the college fund.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway because i don't want this to come back to me i am getting married soon and i have not invited my father or his mistress. he cheated on my mother and essentially screwed her over. i want nothing to do with that person i sadly have to call human and a father. he spent my god damn college fund which was almost 80% of my mother's money on his mistress and has only called me for money despite having a bunch of his own knowing we were barley surviving just so he could belittle us. he has always expected things in life without during the heavy work and my grandmother encourages it which is why he grew up to be a deadbeat father and entitled. i got a phone call from him expecting a wedding invitation. i laughed, said no, and then hung up. less than an hour later my grandmother called to chew me out and said i was being a ungrateful and spiteful brat. i almost choked on the food i was eating when hearing this. i can agree it was spiteful to laugh at him but he laughed at me for years and nobody cared but when i laughed at him one time they acted like i murdered someone or something. now my dad's family is on my case about being rude. i wanted to know if i was being spiteful or ungrateful. aita
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because i don't want this to come back to me i am getting married soon and i have not invited my father or his mistress. he cheated on my mother and essentially screwed her over. i want nothing to do with that person i sadly have to call human and a father. he spent my god damn college fund which was almost 80% of my mother's money on his mistress and has only called me for money despite having a bunch of his own knowing we were barley surviving just so he could belittle us. he has always expected things in life without during the heavy work and my grandmother encourages it which is why he grew up to be a deadbeat father and entitled. i got a phone call from him expecting a wedding invitation. i laughed, said no, and then hung up. less than an hour later my grandmother called to chew me out and said i was being a ungrateful and spiteful brat. i almost choked on the food i was eating when hearing this. i can agree it was spiteful to laugh at him but he laughed at me for years and nobody cared but when i laughed at him one time they acted like i murdered someone or something. now my dad's family is on my case about being rude. i wanted to know if i was being spiteful or ungrateful. aita [/INST] nta. and i'd cut that grandma loose right along with him. </s>
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AITA for grounding my son for the rest of the year and forbidding him from seeing his girlfriend (or any of his friends) privately because I found out he wasn’t using condoms?
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two days ago, my 16 year old son came to my wife and i freaked out. he said he’s scared for his life and he doesn’t know what he’s going to do. we had to calm him down and to make a long story short, he thinks he got his girlfriend pregnant. he said she missed her period weeks ago and he doesn’t know what he’s going to do because he’s not ready to be a father. his girlfriend is vehemently pro-life, so there’s not anything he can do.
i asked him how could this happen; why wasn’t she taking her reproductive health seriously and be on birth control, and especially, why isn’t he especially not taking him reproductive seriously by using condoms. he said that his girlfriend’s parents are strict, so she has no way to access them, and to condoms, he said and i quote “condoms feel like having sex with a thick garbage bag.” apparently, they relied on the calendar method and pulling out because “together, it’s almost impossible to get pregnant.”
i was **infuriated**. i’ve talked to him all the time about safe sex. we’re no prudes; we knew that once he got a girlfriend, he’d start having sex. which is why we emphasized being *safe*. we’ve just have had this conversation so many times; i was just so. angry. that my son would do this to his life, and potentially wreck his entire life.
i told him that this was his fuck-up, and he has to take responsibility. effective immediately, he is going to have to get a job and work 40 hours a week and start building a savings. additionally, he has shown that we cannot trust him to make responsible decisions, and he’s effectively grounded until the end of the year. he can spend time with his friends at our house only, with all the doors open, and he cannot go upstairs with any girl at all. he can also only do this only when we’re home (we live in a gated community so this is easily enforceable). that means no sleepovers, no parties, no going to the pool (unless we go with him), no nothing. if he wants to go somewhere like out to eat with his friends, we’ll use find my iphone to track him. he said he understood.
he came to us today with great news; his girlfriend got her period. he asked now that she’s not really pregnant, can the punishment be less strict, and that he promises to start using condoms now, but my wife and i want to stick to our guns on this. though with the added stipulation that he can work 20 hours a week instead, and it can be a mixture of volunteer and actual work. but he’s shown us he’s downright irresponsible and we just plainly cannot trust him until he matures.
my son maintains that we’re being way to harsh, and that he realizes his mistake now, but he’s also said in the past that he’d never have sex without a condom because “he’s not an idiot.” we just plainly cannot trust him right now. are we being unreasonable?
| 14,701 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bvnava/aita_for_grounding_my_son_for_the_rest_of_the/
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2019-06-01 17:31:35
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nta. the entire year seems **incredibly** strict, but the fact that he can still see his friends and socialize at your home makes it not too bad. it might be a little stricter than necessary, but the bottom line is, your son could’ve ruined his *entire* life because he was being plain stupid. i bet your ass he’s going to use condoms after the punishment is over.
the fact is that you emphasized this to your son countless times. he just didn’t listen. he’s shown you that you shouldn’t trust him at his word. i don’t think you’re being unreasonable here.
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nta - your son needs a lesson on being responsible.
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nta but, in my opinion, you made a decision for the length of the punishment in anger. you might want to dial it back just a tad. also go get him some decent condoms. they've got plenty these days that are pretty good for sensitivity.
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nta for grounding him and supervising his visits with friends and all that, since he's been a huge moron and cannot be trusted, but the working part confuses me.
info - how were you planning to have a 16 year old working 40 hours a week? doesn't he go to school? even 20 hours a week seems extreme, unless it's just for the summer or something.
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esh -
- your son for being _massively_ irresponsible despite education on safe sex and then thinking he should be punished less just because he managed to dodge the **real** consequences of his actions through sheer luck.
- you for telling him him he has to be an adult and then still "grounding" him like he's a child
yes, there should still be consequences and you can set the rules for what's goes on in your home but, trying to dictate every waking hour of a teenager's life is folly (and a great way to completely alienate your kid) and sends a very mixed message when you're effectively trying to tell them they need to "grow up" now.
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this is a hard one, but yta. slightly. on one hand he should definitely know better than to be having unprotected sex at that age. on the other hand, a punishment that strict will guarantee that he won’t trust you with these kinds of things anymore and trust me, as someone raised by super strict parents i still managed to get in trouble all the time.
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yta - great way to get your son to not tell you anything ever again. total wrong move.
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hi! teen mom here! yta!
if your son became a father, he would basically need to grow up overnight. grounding him like a preteen isn’t how you treat other adults.
i understand the frustration of learning that your child is making bad decisions, but such severe punishment is often times extremely counter productive. he knows that you don’t trust him. treating him like a convict won’t fix that.
i think that giving him some more, new responsibilities is a good idea. tell him he needs to get a job, and pay his portion of the phone bill, or his car insurance. teach him how to build savings. help your son become an adult, don’t just treat him like a 13 year old and hope for the best.
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till the end of 2019? that's a bit rough.
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yta
the kid seems scared enough as it is. if he’s in any way smart ( is he? ) he’ll learn his lesson. i think you’re over compensating here tbh. education is better for your kid in the long run than punishment imo
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.852562 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: two days ago, my 16 year old son came to my wife and i freaked out. he said he’s scared for his life and he doesn’t know what he’s going to do. we had to calm him down and to make a long story short, he thinks he got his girlfriend pregnant. he said she missed her period weeks ago and he doesn’t know what he’s going to do because he’s not ready to be a father. his girlfriend is vehemently pro-life, so there’s not anything he can do. i asked him how could this happen; why wasn’t she taking her reproductive health seriously and be on birth control, and especially, why isn’t he especially not taking him reproductive seriously by using condoms. he said that his girlfriend’s parents are strict, so she has no way to access them, and to condoms, he said and i quote “condoms feel like having sex with a thick garbage bag.” apparently, they relied on the calendar method and pulling out because “together, it’s almost impossible to get pregnant.” i was **infuriated**. i’ve talked to him all the time about safe sex. we’re no prudes; we knew that once he got a girlfriend, he’d start having sex. which is why we emphasized being *safe*. we’ve just have had this conversation so many times; i was just so. angry. that my son would do this to his life, and potentially wreck his entire life. i told him that this was his fuck-up, and he has to take responsibility. effective immediately, he is going to have to get a job and work 40 hours a week and start building a savings. additionally, he has shown that we cannot trust him to make responsible decisions, and he’s effectively grounded until the end of the year. he can spend time with his friends at our house only, with all the doors open, and he cannot go upstairs with any girl at all. he can also only do this only when we’re home (we live in a gated community so this is easily enforceable). that means no sleepovers, no parties, no going to the pool (unless we go with him), no nothing. if he wants to go somewhere like out to eat with his friends, we’ll use find my iphone to track him. he said he understood. he came to us today with great news; his girlfriend got her period. he asked now that she’s not really pregnant, can the punishment be less strict, and that he promises to start using condoms now, but my wife and i want to stick to our guns on this. though with the added stipulation that he can work 20 hours a week instead, and it can be a mixture of volunteer and actual work. but he’s shown us he’s downright irresponsible and we just plainly cannot trust him until he matures. my son maintains that we’re being way to harsh, and that he realizes his mistake now, but he’s also said in the past that he’d never have sex without a condom because “he’s not an idiot.” we just plainly cannot trust him right now. are we being unreasonable?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
two days ago, my 16 year old son came to my wife and i freaked out. he said he’s scared for his life and he doesn’t know what he’s going to do. we had to calm him down and to make a long story short, he thinks he got his girlfriend pregnant. he said she missed her period weeks ago and he doesn’t know what he’s going to do because he’s not ready to be a father. his girlfriend is vehemently pro-life, so there’s not anything he can do. i asked him how could this happen; why wasn’t she taking her reproductive health seriously and be on birth control, and especially, why isn’t he especially not taking him reproductive seriously by using condoms. he said that his girlfriend’s parents are strict, so she has no way to access them, and to condoms, he said and i quote “condoms feel like having sex with a thick garbage bag.” apparently, they relied on the calendar method and pulling out because “together, it’s almost impossible to get pregnant.” i was **infuriated**. i’ve talked to him all the time about safe sex. we’re no prudes; we knew that once he got a girlfriend, he’d start having sex. which is why we emphasized being *safe*. we’ve just have had this conversation so many times; i was just so. angry. that my son would do this to his life, and potentially wreck his entire life. i told him that this was his fuck-up, and he has to take responsibility. effective immediately, he is going to have to get a job and work 40 hours a week and start building a savings. additionally, he has shown that we cannot trust him to make responsible decisions, and he’s effectively grounded until the end of the year. he can spend time with his friends at our house only, with all the doors open, and he cannot go upstairs with any girl at all. he can also only do this only when we’re home (we live in a gated community so this is easily enforceable). that means no sleepovers, no parties, no going to the pool (unless we go with him), no nothing. if he wants to go somewhere like out to eat with his friends, we’ll use find my iphone to track him. he said he understood. he came to us today with great news; his girlfriend got her period. he asked now that she’s not really pregnant, can the punishment be less strict, and that he promises to start using condoms now, but my wife and i want to stick to our guns on this. though with the added stipulation that he can work 20 hours a week instead, and it can be a mixture of volunteer and actual work. but he’s shown us he’s downright irresponsible and we just plainly cannot trust him until he matures. my son maintains that we’re being way to harsh, and that he realizes his mistake now, but he’s also said in the past that he’d never have sex without a condom because “he’s not an idiot.” we just plainly cannot trust him right now. are we being unreasonable? [/INST] nta. the entire year seems **incredibly** strict, but the fact that he can still see his friends and socialize at your home makes it not too bad. it might be a little stricter than necessary, but the bottom line is, your son could’ve ruined his *entire* life because he was being plain stupid. i bet your ass he’s going to use condoms after the punishment is over. the fact is that you emphasized this to your son countless times. he just didn’t listen. he’s shown you that you shouldn’t trust him at his word. i don’t think you’re being unreasonable here. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to get close with my brothers new girlfriend because he can’t keep a relationship?
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my brother falls in love fast and can’t keep a girlfriend. last year he had 8 different girlfriends and he claimed each one of them was the “one”. i used to make an effort and wanted to get to know his girlfriends, but now i don’t even bother.
it’s not like i treat his girlfriends badly. i’m still really polite, but i don’t see the point in making an effort when i won’t see this person again. my brother is now dating another girl and he’s accusing me of coming off as cold. i simply told him if he makes it two month with her i’ll make more of an effort. he got very upset and claimed i’m an unsupportive sister.
aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lkwm9t/aita_for_not_wanting_to_get_close_with_my/
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2021-02-16 05:15:14
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nta - this post made me laugh. not at you, but at the situation lol. op you are totally in right to do that. if my sibling did that... i would've done exactly the same.
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nta. however he won’t like it.
semi related a friend in college did the same thing. she changed dudes like i changed socks. i made a mistake in telling a guy “i’ll learn your name if you are around next week.” i was the asshole.
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hahahaha i love this. maybe he’ll be motivated to keep one around
nta - if he keeps a revolving door why would you invest emotionally?
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nta because he shouldn't be upset with you. why is he even introducing these girlfriends to the family so early? his turnover rate is so high he might as well be a mcdonald's. he can date whomever he wants as often as he wants, but he can't expect you to act like a sil to someone he's been with for literal weeks.
he's not upset because you're unsupportive; he's upset because you were honest and he didn't want to hear it.
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nta. they’re his girlfriends, not yours.
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nta, because you don't know whether the relationship lasts or not. you also shouldn't have to be forced to become friends with someone if you don't want to.
p. s.: jesus christ, 8 girlfriends? what is he? ted mosby?
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nah maybe if there was more detail, i'd go one way or another, but based on what's here, it seems like everyone's being polite and simply discussing their feelings
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother falls in love fast and can’t keep a girlfriend. last year he had 8 different girlfriends and he claimed each one of them was the “one”. i used to make an effort and wanted to get to know his girlfriends, but now i don’t even bother. it’s not like i treat his girlfriends badly. i’m still really polite, but i don’t see the point in making an effort when i won’t see this person again. my brother is now dating another girl and he’s accusing me of coming off as cold. i simply told him if he makes it two month with her i’ll make more of an effort. he got very upset and claimed i’m an unsupportive sister. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my brother falls in love fast and can’t keep a girlfriend. last year he had 8 different girlfriends and he claimed each one of them was the “one”. i used to make an effort and wanted to get to know his girlfriends, but now i don’t even bother. it’s not like i treat his girlfriends badly. i’m still really polite, but i don’t see the point in making an effort when i won’t see this person again. my brother is now dating another girl and he’s accusing me of coming off as cold. i simply told him if he makes it two month with her i’ll make more of an effort. he got very upset and claimed i’m an unsupportive sister. aita? [/INST] nta - this post made me laugh. not at you, but at the situation lol. op you are totally in right to do that. if my sibling did that... i would've done exactly the same. </s>
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AITA for ignoring my mom for almost a week
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so me (16f) and my 2 younger siblings (7m) (5f) mostly see my mom( sahm) during the week as dad has a job in another state and visits on weekends so my mom expects me to always help her out in household work and i'm happy to help but since half a year or so she is dumping everything on me
she expects me to be ahead on my school work , clean the house and watch the kids in the evenings and i just don't understand why she can't try to do harder.
i've tried to talk to her if something is bothering her but she shut me down and tells me to not interfere in her life .she usually goes out in the evenings and dosent return until late so i'm the one who has to watch the kids
so what trigged me is that i got my periods on monday and i have very several periods with intense cramping, vomiting and sometimes passing out so i'm mostly laying down
when i told my mom i won't be able to help her today she gets pissed and starts yelling how ungrateful and selfish i am and how periods aren't an excuse to slack on responsibilities i basically just hear it out and hope that she'll understand . when she is leaving the room i ask if she can get me my heating pad she ignored me and left
she came back sometime around 4 and asked if i could make the kids some thing to eat as she's tired and wants to nap i said no and she throws another fits at me
when i get down around dinner time my mom is no where to be found and when i asked my brother where she is he said that she is in out and i was gonna prepare them dinner at this point i was pissed at her but still scraped something up while i was still in pain
all of us slept before she came back and i ignored her for the rest of the week i would just stay in my room . this went on till friday with neither her or me initiating a conversation
my dad got home on friday night and noticed that i was off so i told him what happened and he was furious at mom and basically said that she it was her job to look after the house not mine so my mom snapped that there's nothing wrong with doing house hold work
now they're fighting and my mom is blaming me for over reacting and causing a fight
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vcq1ea/aita_for_ignoring_my_mom_for_almost_a_week/
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2022-06-15 08:50:46
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nta. your mum is treating you like another parent. you're not. you're a child. you're her child.
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nta. it seems like something is up with your mom but you really can't do more than ask her what's wrong. and it's also no excuse to let you do everything, especially if you also need to concentrate on your schoolwork.
unrelated to all of this but your periods don't sound normal at all... have you seen a doctor regarding that? you shouldn't be vomiting and passing out from them.
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sounds like she's cheating on your dad to me. if you're running the house hold all week while she goes out all the time.
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nta
doing house work and having chores is normal, but being responsible for watching and caring siblings because your mother is too tired or wants to go out is not your responsibility.
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google parentification. it’s a form of abuse exploitation.
watch out for your mum trying to undermine your plans to leave home at 18+ for further education or work. she won’t want to lose the free babysitter/maid. nta.
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nta. she's trying to avoid responsibilities and throw all of them at you. what is she doing that's making her go out so much?
being a sahm means it's literally her job. imagine your dad throwing all his paperwork or whatever at you and expect it to be done perfectly.
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nta. your mom sounds abusive. if she's experiencing burnout, there are better ways to handle it than forcing her child to parent and getting angry whenever she can't get her way. glad your dad called her out. do not let her blame you for any issues she has with your dad from this.
p.s. please see a doctor for your period symptoms if you haven't already. it's not normal to vomit and pass out!!!
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nta. your mother is shrugging her parental responsibilities onto you and making you essentially the mother while she goes out and does goodness knows what while she should be at home with her children. you are only 16 and whilst you can definitely help your mom out, it is not your place to take over her role. she should also be there to take care of you when you need her.
if this continues when your dad leaves again, be sure to tell him - he needs to know what is going on and be able to take care of you and your siblings even if living arrangements have to change.
something is definitely going on with your mother.
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nta -
your mother is shoving parental responsibility on you because your father isn’t at home.
while it’s normal for older siblings to baby sit once in a while or maybe make 1 day a week meal… what she’s got you doing is a live in nanny service.
your mother knows she’s been caught out, where does she go in the evenings?
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nta. i’m so happy your father stood up for you when you expressed to him what happened. your mom needs to realize that you are not another parent just because your dad is gone. you are still growing up and deserve to life your life as a teenager. yeah, it’s not terrible to ask to do some chores, but the degree in which she was having you take care of your siblings & clean the house is not okay.
i grew up with having siblings that are 7 & 11 years younger than me so i know how hard it is to be older and your parents expect you do be more than just their sibling. i would recommend going to group therapy with your mom so you can express your feelings to her with an outside party present. it could help your mom understand the ridiculousness she has put you through and how that’s not okay. she needs to realize her kids are not your responsibility to take care of.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so me (16f) and my 2 younger siblings (7m) (5f) mostly see my mom( sahm) during the week as dad has a job in another state and visits on weekends so my mom expects me to always help her out in household work and i'm happy to help but since half a year or so she is dumping everything on me she expects me to be ahead on my school work , clean the house and watch the kids in the evenings and i just don't understand why she can't try to do harder. i've tried to talk to her if something is bothering her but she shut me down and tells me to not interfere in her life .she usually goes out in the evenings and dosent return until late so i'm the one who has to watch the kids so what trigged me is that i got my periods on monday and i have very several periods with intense cramping, vomiting and sometimes passing out so i'm mostly laying down when i told my mom i won't be able to help her today she gets pissed and starts yelling how ungrateful and selfish i am and how periods aren't an excuse to slack on responsibilities i basically just hear it out and hope that she'll understand . when she is leaving the room i ask if she can get me my heating pad she ignored me and left she came back sometime around 4 and asked if i could make the kids some thing to eat as she's tired and wants to nap i said no and she throws another fits at me when i get down around dinner time my mom is no where to be found and when i asked my brother where she is he said that she is in out and i was gonna prepare them dinner at this point i was pissed at her but still scraped something up while i was still in pain all of us slept before she came back and i ignored her for the rest of the week i would just stay in my room . this went on till friday with neither her or me initiating a conversation my dad got home on friday night and noticed that i was off so i told him what happened and he was furious at mom and basically said that she it was her job to look after the house not mine so my mom snapped that there's nothing wrong with doing house hold work now they're fighting and my mom is blaming me for over reacting and causing a fight
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so me (16f) and my 2 younger siblings (7m) (5f) mostly see my mom( sahm) during the week as dad has a job in another state and visits on weekends so my mom expects me to always help her out in household work and i'm happy to help but since half a year or so she is dumping everything on me she expects me to be ahead on my school work , clean the house and watch the kids in the evenings and i just don't understand why she can't try to do harder. i've tried to talk to her if something is bothering her but she shut me down and tells me to not interfere in her life .she usually goes out in the evenings and dosent return until late so i'm the one who has to watch the kids so what trigged me is that i got my periods on monday and i have very several periods with intense cramping, vomiting and sometimes passing out so i'm mostly laying down when i told my mom i won't be able to help her today she gets pissed and starts yelling how ungrateful and selfish i am and how periods aren't an excuse to slack on responsibilities i basically just hear it out and hope that she'll understand . when she is leaving the room i ask if she can get me my heating pad she ignored me and left she came back sometime around 4 and asked if i could make the kids some thing to eat as she's tired and wants to nap i said no and she throws another fits at me when i get down around dinner time my mom is no where to be found and when i asked my brother where she is he said that she is in out and i was gonna prepare them dinner at this point i was pissed at her but still scraped something up while i was still in pain all of us slept before she came back and i ignored her for the rest of the week i would just stay in my room . this went on till friday with neither her or me initiating a conversation my dad got home on friday night and noticed that i was off so i told him what happened and he was furious at mom and basically said that she it was her job to look after the house not mine so my mom snapped that there's nothing wrong with doing house hold work now they're fighting and my mom is blaming me for over reacting and causing a fight [/INST] nta. your mum is treating you like another parent. you're not. you're a child. you're her child. </s>
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AITA for telling my mom that her and my dad need to stop enabling my brother, and tell him to to grow up?
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my brother is is in the last year of his third college degree. he already has ba's in the history of art and sociology and in the spring he'll finish one in communications. he lives with our parents and they pay his bills and all the college stuff his loans don't cover. he's never had a job before. my mom does all his laundry, cooking, cleaning and general caretaking. my dad receives all his bills for his car, phone and other stuff and makes sure they get paid and makes sure his bank account has money in it. i can't even imagine how much debt he has or how much my parents have given him for college on top of his bills. when my parents went on trips before the coronavirus my brother would run out of clean clothes and instead of doing laundry because he doesn't know how he just bought new clothes until they came back. he didn't buy groceries, clean, mow the lawn or do other chores.
i moved out after i finished high school. so normally i mind my own business and don't comment on anything my brother or parents do. i live in another state so it doesn't affect me at all. i didn't do any college, community college or any other kind of schooling. i did an apprenticeship and became an electrician. i don't think there's anything wrong with going to college but some people like me aren't cut out for it.
the last time i talked to my parents my mom told me my brother has been applying into graduate school ma programs for next fall. he wants to do it in sociology or librarian science but he is still looking at programs. two of the schools he wants to apply at are the ones my dad went to college and law school at. so as legacy student but he's looking at others to see who will accept him. i think my brother needs to grow up, get a job and stop leeching off my parents. i haven't been supported by them since i was 18 (i'm 30 now) and it's time he joined me. he's 29 now. but i didn't say that because like i said it's not my business. it was what my mom said next though. she said she's happy to know that i'll look after my brother if something happens to them before he's done with college, or i'll help her and my dad if my brother gets too busy once he gets his high paying job.
i told my mom none of that is happening. i don't know where she got this. i'll never give them or my brother money. i said if she's worried they need to stop enabling my brother's laziness and if his spending drives them to ruin it is not on me. i only said this because of what she said. her and my dad are young (51 and 56) but if my brother keeps bleeding them dry they'll be in trouble later on but they are making their own beds. my brother won't be raking it in if he ever gets a job.
my mom told my brother and dad what i said. all of them are po'd at me but i was only speaking the truth and i only said something because of what my mom said first. they want me to say sorry and retract it and think i'm jealous of my brother's degrees which is not true in the slightest.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qekoit/aita_for_telling_my_mom_that_her_and_my_dad_need/
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2021-10-24 04:13:44
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nta in fact, it was pretty smart of you to clear up those misconceptions as soon as they arose.
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nta i also sincerely hope no one marries your brother, because that will be a full time job caring for a child who will never grow up.
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nta- mum at least already realises what they have created if she is assuming once he gets a highly paid job(i’d love to know what job she thinks he will get with the degrees he has) he won’t help them. she’s trying to lay the ground work for you to do so and good on you for setting that straight.
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nta. it’s on them if they enable him at their own expense, but they certainly have no right to rope you into this or treat you as if it’s your responsibility to cater to him should a bad situation arise in their future.
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nta.
it sounds like he continuously studies so he doesn’t have to get a job. otherwise he would be working, supporting himself and doing his continued studies part time.
the fact they thought you’d support them or your brother is laughable. you cleared up their unrealistic expectations in a non confrontational and mature approach. brother can support himself and if he gets that big paying future job then he can support them, why does it fall back to you? after all you support yourself and they have supported him and he can return the favour if they expect it.
your brother is po bc you have now got them thinking about their future finances which will impact him and they are po bc they expect you to fix the problem they created .
“i think it’s excellent that brother has that many degrees and can’t wait to see what job he applies himself to, i hope he supports you as much as you have supported him”.
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nta. they are all grown adults not children. why would you need to look after your brother if something happened to them? if he has a high paying job he can pay people to do those things anyway.
at the end of the day you don’t need to look after them because their life choices left them with very little or because your brother doesn’t know how to do it himself. i think you did the right thing setting that boundary now
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nta. you owe your brother nothing and your parents nothing. you took up your self-reliant path, and he did not. degrees don’t mean higher status. sometimes it just means debt. his degree path does not equate to big riches.
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lmfao they are delusional and you are not the asshole. she/they have some nerve assuming and for attacking you. i’d just cut them off completely. it doesn’t seem that they add anything positive to your life, you don’t need them and doesn’t seem like you see them often, etc. so no real loss. i say this as the black sheep of a toxic family and as soon as i can i can’t wait to cut all ties lol.
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nta, but everyone else is. to be 29 and not know how to put powder in a washing machine and press a few buttons is a disgrace. even if he hasn’t been taught, you can google or youtube everything you need to know. your mother definitely should not have relayed the conversation to your brother.
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nta what a strange thing to say—does your brother have some type of disability? if not, they are totally enabling him, which is their prerogative, but they shouldn’t expect you to join in. i would tell them that you can try to get your brother a job on a construction site if something happens to them.
i don’t think your parents need to worry about him having a high-paying job if he goes into sociology or librarianship.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother is is in the last year of his third college degree. he already has ba's in the history of art and sociology and in the spring he'll finish one in communications. he lives with our parents and they pay his bills and all the college stuff his loans don't cover. he's never had a job before. my mom does all his laundry, cooking, cleaning and general caretaking. my dad receives all his bills for his car, phone and other stuff and makes sure they get paid and makes sure his bank account has money in it. i can't even imagine how much debt he has or how much my parents have given him for college on top of his bills. when my parents went on trips before the coronavirus my brother would run out of clean clothes and instead of doing laundry because he doesn't know how he just bought new clothes until they came back. he didn't buy groceries, clean, mow the lawn or do other chores. i moved out after i finished high school. so normally i mind my own business and don't comment on anything my brother or parents do. i live in another state so it doesn't affect me at all. i didn't do any college, community college or any other kind of schooling. i did an apprenticeship and became an electrician. i don't think there's anything wrong with going to college but some people like me aren't cut out for it. the last time i talked to my parents my mom told me my brother has been applying into graduate school ma programs for next fall. he wants to do it in sociology or librarian science but he is still looking at programs. two of the schools he wants to apply at are the ones my dad went to college and law school at. so as legacy student but he's looking at others to see who will accept him. i think my brother needs to grow up, get a job and stop leeching off my parents. i haven't been supported by them since i was 18 (i'm 30 now) and it's time he joined me. he's 29 now. but i didn't say that because like i said it's not my business. it was what my mom said next though. she said she's happy to know that i'll look after my brother if something happens to them before he's done with college, or i'll help her and my dad if my brother gets too busy once he gets his high paying job. i told my mom none of that is happening. i don't know where she got this. i'll never give them or my brother money. i said if she's worried they need to stop enabling my brother's laziness and if his spending drives them to ruin it is not on me. i only said this because of what she said. her and my dad are young (51 and 56) but if my brother keeps bleeding them dry they'll be in trouble later on but they are making their own beds. my brother won't be raking it in if he ever gets a job. my mom told my brother and dad what i said. all of them are po'd at me but i was only speaking the truth and i only said something because of what my mom said first. they want me to say sorry and retract it and think i'm jealous of my brother's degrees which is not true in the slightest.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my brother is is in the last year of his third college degree. he already has ba's in the history of art and sociology and in the spring he'll finish one in communications. he lives with our parents and they pay his bills and all the college stuff his loans don't cover. he's never had a job before. my mom does all his laundry, cooking, cleaning and general caretaking. my dad receives all his bills for his car, phone and other stuff and makes sure they get paid and makes sure his bank account has money in it. i can't even imagine how much debt he has or how much my parents have given him for college on top of his bills. when my parents went on trips before the coronavirus my brother would run out of clean clothes and instead of doing laundry because he doesn't know how he just bought new clothes until they came back. he didn't buy groceries, clean, mow the lawn or do other chores. i moved out after i finished high school. so normally i mind my own business and don't comment on anything my brother or parents do. i live in another state so it doesn't affect me at all. i didn't do any college, community college or any other kind of schooling. i did an apprenticeship and became an electrician. i don't think there's anything wrong with going to college but some people like me aren't cut out for it. the last time i talked to my parents my mom told me my brother has been applying into graduate school ma programs for next fall. he wants to do it in sociology or librarian science but he is still looking at programs. two of the schools he wants to apply at are the ones my dad went to college and law school at. so as legacy student but he's looking at others to see who will accept him. i think my brother needs to grow up, get a job and stop leeching off my parents. i haven't been supported by them since i was 18 (i'm 30 now) and it's time he joined me. he's 29 now. but i didn't say that because like i said it's not my business. it was what my mom said next though. she said she's happy to know that i'll look after my brother if something happens to them before he's done with college, or i'll help her and my dad if my brother gets too busy once he gets his high paying job. i told my mom none of that is happening. i don't know where she got this. i'll never give them or my brother money. i said if she's worried they need to stop enabling my brother's laziness and if his spending drives them to ruin it is not on me. i only said this because of what she said. her and my dad are young (51 and 56) but if my brother keeps bleeding them dry they'll be in trouble later on but they are making their own beds. my brother won't be raking it in if he ever gets a job. my mom told my brother and dad what i said. all of them are po'd at me but i was only speaking the truth and i only said something because of what my mom said first. they want me to say sorry and retract it and think i'm jealous of my brother's degrees which is not true in the slightest. [/INST] nta in fact, it was pretty smart of you to clear up those misconceptions as soon as they arose. </s>
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AITA for not letting my(21f) daughter(12mo) sleepover at her aunt’s(24f) house because of her boyfriend(?M)
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basically the title. also this whole thing happened literally the day before the stay at home order was issued for my city. my daughter is about one year old now (she turns one this week) and i’m being induced with my second and final child this tuesday. i was talking to my mother in law about the pregnancy and how everything was going, and double checked that she was still okay with watching my daughter since she can’t come to the hospital with us. my sil, who was sitting at the table with us, jumps in and says that she can take my daughter for the entirety of the time of us being in the hospital. my mil sort of just shrugged and said if that’s what i want, it’s fine, whatever is easiest for me. sil then turns to me and starts making plans as far as what time she’ll pick her up, etc etc. i thanked her for the offer, but said i’d rather mil keep her instead, thinking that’d be the end of it. instead sil started to insist and when i still said no, she asked why, so i was honest. i told her i didn’t feel comfortable having my daughter spend the night at her house because of her boyfriend. i made myself very clear that it was nothing against the boyfriend himself - i just didn’t know him. i literally don’t know anything about him other than how they met, and his first name. she seemed to get offended and said she wouldn’t have her niece around somebody dangerous and that her bc was a good man, so why am i being this way? frustrated - and this may be where i’m the asshole here - i told her, “well, sil, you guys were together for a week (they’d been together a month at this point) before you were saying i love you, and you moved him into your house after three weeks of a relationship. i’m not even confident *you* know him all that well.” at that point my mil interrupted and told her to leave me alone, and that she’d watch dd. sil left not too long after and hasn’t talked to me since. with my induction date so close at hand, the interaction has been on my mind and i wonder if i should reach out and apologize or if i was being too paranoid. aita?
| 1,311 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g92crk/aita_for_not_letting_my21f_daughter12mo_sleepover/
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2020-04-27 15:03:59
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nta, it seems like she really rushed into this relationship, and it’s completely understandable why you’d want to keep your baby around people you know and trust, especially in a situation where you couldn’t go get her if (god forbid) something went wrong.
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nta for not wanting your baby around a stranger, but it is not for you to judge other people's relationship. you said yourself that you don't know him, so you definitely don't know anything about how well they know each other.
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nta.
a) he may well be the most amazing guy in the history of the world but you, as your child’s parent, don’t know him very well. who on earth leaves their child with someone they barely know? what was your sil thinking?
b) personally, with the obvious exception of the child’s parents (if separated), regardless of their relationship to the child i always find it a bit skeevy when someone tries to insist on or demand time with a child even after their main carer has said no. i’m sure that most cases are entirely innocent but, as a survivor of abuse, it’s one of those things that just creeps me out and makes me avoid leaving my child alone with them.
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no, nta for speaking the truth, it sounds like you were pushed into that scenario. cool that your mil told (her daughter?) to leave you alone.
i doubt apologizing would make much difference at this point, what could you say anyway? i'm sorry my pointing out you've only known this guy for a month hurt your feelings?
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nta, she should have left it alone. i would absolutely have done the same with my children.
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totally nta. you have a young daughter and it's totally ok for you to not be comfortable with someone to be around the baby. i have a 11 and 7 daughter and even then im not comfortable with a stranger or someone your barely know being around them even if they're with someone you know. i have to trust everyone there to be around my kids.
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you kinda of already know your comments came off as ah comments
because they were snarky and judgey. even though your sil pressed for an answer its probably wiser to not engage and stick to your story that you don’t know him that well - end of. this is just a better way to navigate in laws in general.
that being said your sil was pushing boundaries and it’s your daughter so i understand the frustration. so a slight esh
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nta- i get that she wants to watch her niece/be part of your plans/help you out, but you would be potentially putting your daughter in danger if you let her stay.
i wouldn't even be comfortable with that if i knew the boyfriend extremely well!
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nta. and good for you. you are absolutely right on all counts. the stats on child molestation are insane. and screw your sil if she thinks you're in the wrong.
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nta its literally your choice is she doesn't like it tough tits
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.010125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: basically the title. also this whole thing happened literally the day before the stay at home order was issued for my city. my daughter is about one year old now (she turns one this week) and i’m being induced with my second and final child this tuesday. i was talking to my mother in law about the pregnancy and how everything was going, and double checked that she was still okay with watching my daughter since she can’t come to the hospital with us. my sil, who was sitting at the table with us, jumps in and says that she can take my daughter for the entirety of the time of us being in the hospital. my mil sort of just shrugged and said if that’s what i want, it’s fine, whatever is easiest for me. sil then turns to me and starts making plans as far as what time she’ll pick her up, etc etc. i thanked her for the offer, but said i’d rather mil keep her instead, thinking that’d be the end of it. instead sil started to insist and when i still said no, she asked why, so i was honest. i told her i didn’t feel comfortable having my daughter spend the night at her house because of her boyfriend. i made myself very clear that it was nothing against the boyfriend himself - i just didn’t know him. i literally don’t know anything about him other than how they met, and his first name. she seemed to get offended and said she wouldn’t have her niece around somebody dangerous and that her bc was a good man, so why am i being this way? frustrated - and this may be where i’m the asshole here - i told her, “well, sil, you guys were together for a week (they’d been together a month at this point) before you were saying i love you, and you moved him into your house after three weeks of a relationship. i’m not even confident *you* know him all that well.” at that point my mil interrupted and told her to leave me alone, and that she’d watch dd. sil left not too long after and hasn’t talked to me since. with my induction date so close at hand, the interaction has been on my mind and i wonder if i should reach out and apologize or if i was being too paranoid. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
basically the title. also this whole thing happened literally the day before the stay at home order was issued for my city. my daughter is about one year old now (she turns one this week) and i’m being induced with my second and final child this tuesday. i was talking to my mother in law about the pregnancy and how everything was going, and double checked that she was still okay with watching my daughter since she can’t come to the hospital with us. my sil, who was sitting at the table with us, jumps in and says that she can take my daughter for the entirety of the time of us being in the hospital. my mil sort of just shrugged and said if that’s what i want, it’s fine, whatever is easiest for me. sil then turns to me and starts making plans as far as what time she’ll pick her up, etc etc. i thanked her for the offer, but said i’d rather mil keep her instead, thinking that’d be the end of it. instead sil started to insist and when i still said no, she asked why, so i was honest. i told her i didn’t feel comfortable having my daughter spend the night at her house because of her boyfriend. i made myself very clear that it was nothing against the boyfriend himself - i just didn’t know him. i literally don’t know anything about him other than how they met, and his first name. she seemed to get offended and said she wouldn’t have her niece around somebody dangerous and that her bc was a good man, so why am i being this way? frustrated - and this may be where i’m the asshole here - i told her, “well, sil, you guys were together for a week (they’d been together a month at this point) before you were saying i love you, and you moved him into your house after three weeks of a relationship. i’m not even confident *you* know him all that well.” at that point my mil interrupted and told her to leave me alone, and that she’d watch dd. sil left not too long after and hasn’t talked to me since. with my induction date so close at hand, the interaction has been on my mind and i wonder if i should reach out and apologize or if i was being too paranoid. aita? [/INST] nta, it seems like she really rushed into this relationship, and it’s completely understandable why you’d want to keep your baby around people you know and trust, especially in a situation where you couldn’t go get her if (god forbid) something went wrong. </s>
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AITA for not helping out my siblings financially?
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i am the oldest (21f) of my siblings (19f) (18m) and am currently in my last year of college to become a diagnostic medical sonographer. i am doing okay for money because i have worked very hard to make sure i could make it through this program without needing student loans. in order to save for school, i worked 3 jobs 50-60 hours a week for a full year while taking prerequisite classes online as well as working 2 jobs through all of high school. i was also fortunate to find a part time job that worked perfectly with my schedule for my first year and a half of college.
over the last 2-3 years my mom has been asking me to put some money aside to give to my siblings so they can pay tuition. not pushy about it, but still bringing it up now and then. i have explained to her that even though i’m doing okay, i’m not in a position to be supporting anyone else, and once i’m working i could be more help. the program i am taking ends with a year of clinical 40 hours a week including through the summer for no pay with full price tuition, and exams on weekends. there is no way for me to have an income right now and i prepared for that.
lately my mom has been getting impatient with my telling her no. she believes it would be the most fair option for me to give my siblings money because i didn’t have to take out a loan, so i should help them not go into debt as well. she asked me to give money from my most recent scholarship to my brother so he can pay his tuition for first semester. when i told her i desperately need to be able to afford new tires and tuition she made a comment about how i have so much going for me but can’t help put them ahead in life. later that day she asked me to let my brother move in with me and my boyfriend while he goes to school (we rent a place together with a spare room we use as office space). my moms place is nearly a 3 hour drive to the closest city, so moving is necessary for school. because we are renting the place we would have to have permission from our landlord. my boyfriend and i agreed to consider it. when it came down to it, i didn’t want my younger brother sleeping next door to me and my boyfriend for the next couple years. since i’ve given her this answer she has been upset with me. i came home to visit on the weekend and she began saying that her and i can’t get along because i’m so hard to reason with, too frugal and controlling, and when it comes down to it i wont help my family. i will not apologize for my decision. i love my mom but i don’t love what’s happening. aita?
| 444 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oyyfs3/aita_for_not_helping_out_my_siblings_financially/
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2021-08-06 03:19:37
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nta if they don't want to go into debt over college they should've worked as hard as you did. congrats on your hard work paying off and don't let your mom get to you.
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[deleted]
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nta. your mom has a lot of nerve trying to put the onus on you. if it’s anyone’s job to help her other kids, it is your moms.
also, wow! you’re doing amazing sweetie!
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nta it’s time for your siblings to put up or shut up. what’s fair is for all of them to bust their asses working as hard as you did. suppose they drop out or flunk out? your mother wants you to solve her problems with a lazy son. don’t let her manipulate you. you earned everything you have. they need to do the same.
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nta please don’t jeopardize your future. you’re not your siblings parents. they could follow your example and work hard to get where they are at. it’s not fair for her to ask you to find their education. that’s supposed to be a parents job. not on you. if you have your sibling move in he will most definitely mooch off you and be expecting you to pay for all he needs.
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nta. this is asinine! not your kids, not your problem. you worked your ass off to go to college without loans. you are living proof that if you want it bad enough, it can be done! your siblings need to talk to you about how to do it, and work their asses off, or take out loans, their choice.
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nta they can work just as hard as you or take out loans. that's not on you.
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nta - keep working hard for yourself and don't feel guilty about your siblings. your mother is not being fair at all. debt is part of life and we all have to deal with it one time or another.
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nta
you are ahead because you worked your butt off.
your mother should be encouraging them to do the same.
and should not be harassing you for money. if she wants to support them so badly, she should work 60hrs like you did.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am the oldest (21f) of my siblings (19f) (18m) and am currently in my last year of college to become a diagnostic medical sonographer. i am doing okay for money because i have worked very hard to make sure i could make it through this program without needing student loans. in order to save for school, i worked 3 jobs 50-60 hours a week for a full year while taking prerequisite classes online as well as working 2 jobs through all of high school. i was also fortunate to find a part time job that worked perfectly with my schedule for my first year and a half of college. over the last 2-3 years my mom has been asking me to put some money aside to give to my siblings so they can pay tuition. not pushy about it, but still bringing it up now and then. i have explained to her that even though i’m doing okay, i’m not in a position to be supporting anyone else, and once i’m working i could be more help. the program i am taking ends with a year of clinical 40 hours a week including through the summer for no pay with full price tuition, and exams on weekends. there is no way for me to have an income right now and i prepared for that. lately my mom has been getting impatient with my telling her no. she believes it would be the most fair option for me to give my siblings money because i didn’t have to take out a loan, so i should help them not go into debt as well. she asked me to give money from my most recent scholarship to my brother so he can pay his tuition for first semester. when i told her i desperately need to be able to afford new tires and tuition she made a comment about how i have so much going for me but can’t help put them ahead in life. later that day she asked me to let my brother move in with me and my boyfriend while he goes to school (we rent a place together with a spare room we use as office space). my moms place is nearly a 3 hour drive to the closest city, so moving is necessary for school. because we are renting the place we would have to have permission from our landlord. my boyfriend and i agreed to consider it. when it came down to it, i didn’t want my younger brother sleeping next door to me and my boyfriend for the next couple years. since i’ve given her this answer she has been upset with me. i came home to visit on the weekend and she began saying that her and i can’t get along because i’m so hard to reason with, too frugal and controlling, and when it comes down to it i wont help my family. i will not apologize for my decision. i love my mom but i don’t love what’s happening. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am the oldest (21f) of my siblings (19f) (18m) and am currently in my last year of college to become a diagnostic medical sonographer. i am doing okay for money because i have worked very hard to make sure i could make it through this program without needing student loans. in order to save for school, i worked 3 jobs 50-60 hours a week for a full year while taking prerequisite classes online as well as working 2 jobs through all of high school. i was also fortunate to find a part time job that worked perfectly with my schedule for my first year and a half of college. over the last 2-3 years my mom has been asking me to put some money aside to give to my siblings so they can pay tuition. not pushy about it, but still bringing it up now and then. i have explained to her that even though i’m doing okay, i’m not in a position to be supporting anyone else, and once i’m working i could be more help. the program i am taking ends with a year of clinical 40 hours a week including through the summer for no pay with full price tuition, and exams on weekends. there is no way for me to have an income right now and i prepared for that. lately my mom has been getting impatient with my telling her no. she believes it would be the most fair option for me to give my siblings money because i didn’t have to take out a loan, so i should help them not go into debt as well. she asked me to give money from my most recent scholarship to my brother so he can pay his tuition for first semester. when i told her i desperately need to be able to afford new tires and tuition she made a comment about how i have so much going for me but can’t help put them ahead in life. later that day she asked me to let my brother move in with me and my boyfriend while he goes to school (we rent a place together with a spare room we use as office space). my moms place is nearly a 3 hour drive to the closest city, so moving is necessary for school. because we are renting the place we would have to have permission from our landlord. my boyfriend and i agreed to consider it. when it came down to it, i didn’t want my younger brother sleeping next door to me and my boyfriend for the next couple years. since i’ve given her this answer she has been upset with me. i came home to visit on the weekend and she began saying that her and i can’t get along because i’m so hard to reason with, too frugal and controlling, and when it comes down to it i wont help my family. i will not apologize for my decision. i love my mom but i don’t love what’s happening. aita? [/INST] nta if they don't want to go into debt over college they should've worked as hard as you did. congrats on your hard work paying off and don't let your mom get to you. </s>
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AITA for saying it would be nicer if my bf had a bigger dick
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i've been dating a guy for a couple of months. almost every time we get intimate he mentions how my butt would be so much nicer if it was just bigger. he's told me many times about how he prefers women with bigger butts, and wishes mine was larger as well. i've told him i'm pretty happy with how large my butt is currently (it's about average size, not big not small) and i don't want to do "booty workouts" to make it bigger or anything like that. since he keeps brining this up i asked him how it would feel if i kept saying it would be so much nicer if he had a bigger dick (his dick is below average in size, so this might have hit a place of insecurity for him). he was very upset that i would even suggest that and said they were two completely different things since i could change how big my butt is but he cant change how long his dick is. i was just trying to bring up a parallel so he would understand how i felt.
&#x200b;
aita?
| 2,831 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iz2gzd/aita_for_saying_it_would_be_nicer_if_my_bf_had_a/
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2020-09-24 18:11:12
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nta he should shut the fuck up
but really if you have to explain to someone not to not constantly tell you about the body they wish you had you should consider finding someone else
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nta. a bloke kept asking me what my bra-size was. didn't know him that well, i wasn't dating him or anything. i told him i would tell him if he told me how big his dick was. well, he was outraged. how dared i ask such a personal question of someonei barely knew? nope, he didn't see the irony.
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nta.
i mean, he's right in that it's literally not the same thing. but, constantly bringing up your butt likely makes you just as insecure about your body image as him with his little dick. he should probably stfu.
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nta - but, i also wouldn't stick around with someone who kept trying to get me to change my body - especially after i've said i'm not interested.
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lmao, nta in my eyes....but i like his gumption...i always figured you have to have a decent sized boat to play in that big booty ocean....ala i don't think i have the boat to play in the kim kardashian ocean..kanye however🤨...so for someone with a dinghy wanting to go deep see fishing...impressive
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nta. the analogy was good. how was he proposing that you increase your butt size?
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nta and he sounds like he's trying to manipulate you into changing your own body, which isn't cool. definitely a red flag from this guy. my logic is that if he's soooooo enamored with bigger butts, he should get with someone with a big butt then instead of trying to make you feel inadequate by telling you all the time how much he wishes you were different. its a shitty thing of him to do.
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wow. nta. that dude is a giant prick. i'd get out of there and find a guy who isn't a giant prick.
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nta but dude honestly why are you dating someone who would even say that to you?
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they can dish it out but they can’t take it. my ex husband used to want me to have bigger boobs. my boobs were normal size. like you i finally had it and told him ‘if you get a bigger dick, i’ll get bigger boobs’. he reaction was similar to your bf’s. part of why he is an ex. like i said, they can dish it out but can’t take it. they can ‘wish for things’ but we can’t??? big babies
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i've been dating a guy for a couple of months. almost every time we get intimate he mentions how my butt would be so much nicer if it was just bigger. he's told me many times about how he prefers women with bigger butts, and wishes mine was larger as well. i've told him i'm pretty happy with how large my butt is currently (it's about average size, not big not small) and i don't want to do "booty workouts" to make it bigger or anything like that. since he keeps brining this up i asked him how it would feel if i kept saying it would be so much nicer if he had a bigger dick (his dick is below average in size, so this might have hit a place of insecurity for him). he was very upset that i would even suggest that and said they were two completely different things since i could change how big my butt is but he cant change how long his dick is. i was just trying to bring up a parallel so he would understand how i felt. &#x200b; aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i've been dating a guy for a couple of months. almost every time we get intimate he mentions how my butt would be so much nicer if it was just bigger. he's told me many times about how he prefers women with bigger butts, and wishes mine was larger as well. i've told him i'm pretty happy with how large my butt is currently (it's about average size, not big not small) and i don't want to do "booty workouts" to make it bigger or anything like that. since he keeps brining this up i asked him how it would feel if i kept saying it would be so much nicer if he had a bigger dick (his dick is below average in size, so this might have hit a place of insecurity for him). he was very upset that i would even suggest that and said they were two completely different things since i could change how big my butt is but he cant change how long his dick is. i was just trying to bring up a parallel so he would understand how i felt. &#x200b; aita? [/INST] nta he should shut the fuck up but really if you have to explain to someone not to not constantly tell you about the body they wish you had you should consider finding someone else </s>
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AITA for offering to guide a hike for my friends boyfriend and his friends?
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i (28f) am a professional hiking guide, my friends boyfriend (29m) is interested in the outdoors and hiking in general but hasn't really dipped his toes into it yet. i offered to take him and some of his friends on a basic hike to see how they handle it and if they like it, i even waived my usual charge telling them they could buy me a couple of drinks afterwords in exchange as he's dating my friend.
my friend (27f) has no interest in hiking or the outdoors but i suggested she come along if she wants to also as it'll be an easy hike and fun with plenty of breaks as it's a group of newbies. she refused and admitted she is upset at me for offering to take her boyfriend on this without clearing it with her first as she's uncomfortable with him spending the entire day with her friend like this. i admit i was surprised by this but was quick to reassure her that it was in no way a one on one hike in case she misunderstood and that four of his friends are coming too.
this didn't change matters for her and she felt it was still "weird" for me to make this offer and made her uncomfortable, i asked her why it made her uncomfortable and she said it just did. this only came about because we're mutual friends on social media through her and he has seen some of my hiking pictures and expressed interest in it. is it really that weird for me to offer this?
| 328 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t4uaqe/aita_for_offering_to_guide_a_hike_for_my_friends/
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2022-03-02 07:00:28
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nta. your friend is being very insecure.
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nta - it’s your friend with the problem. she sounds very jealous and insecure - maybe she has some history that has caused her to react this way. you have made a kind gesture because she is dating him, no other reason.
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nta - i don't see any issue with this from your side. someone has shown an interest in your area of expertise and as a favour, you are offering to get someone more involved. it may be, after this one, they hate it.
however - her feeling uncomfortable is 100% a sign that either she doesn't trust her partner or doesnt trust you. there may be reasons for this that you are fully unaware of and this goes beyond just you.
do you cancel the tour? that starts explanations that could lead to major consequences with friendship and even relationships but let me be frank here - to me - you have done nothing wrong.
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nta
your friend seems very controlling and insecure. whatever her issue is, the issue really is with her. you have done nothing wrong at all.
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nta she doesn’t trust you, and she doesn’t trust him. does she think you’re taking the boys out for a quick orgy in the woods (and wanted to include her)? slightly /s
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nta - it's totally fine to offer to be your friend's boyfriend guide for hike. especially when he showed intrest.
it's her insecurity and probably a bit of jealousy that the boyfriend and you have something in common that she doesn't share that makes her feel uncomfortable.
she can either be an adult and let it slide or be petty about it, causing a rift.
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nta. you are both almost 30, not 14. she should grow up.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (28f) am a professional hiking guide, my friends boyfriend (29m) is interested in the outdoors and hiking in general but hasn't really dipped his toes into it yet. i offered to take him and some of his friends on a basic hike to see how they handle it and if they like it, i even waived my usual charge telling them they could buy me a couple of drinks afterwords in exchange as he's dating my friend. my friend (27f) has no interest in hiking or the outdoors but i suggested she come along if she wants to also as it'll be an easy hike and fun with plenty of breaks as it's a group of newbies. she refused and admitted she is upset at me for offering to take her boyfriend on this without clearing it with her first as she's uncomfortable with him spending the entire day with her friend like this. i admit i was surprised by this but was quick to reassure her that it was in no way a one on one hike in case she misunderstood and that four of his friends are coming too. this didn't change matters for her and she felt it was still "weird" for me to make this offer and made her uncomfortable, i asked her why it made her uncomfortable and she said it just did. this only came about because we're mutual friends on social media through her and he has seen some of my hiking pictures and expressed interest in it. is it really that weird for me to offer this?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (28f) am a professional hiking guide, my friends boyfriend (29m) is interested in the outdoors and hiking in general but hasn't really dipped his toes into it yet. i offered to take him and some of his friends on a basic hike to see how they handle it and if they like it, i even waived my usual charge telling them they could buy me a couple of drinks afterwords in exchange as he's dating my friend. my friend (27f) has no interest in hiking or the outdoors but i suggested she come along if she wants to also as it'll be an easy hike and fun with plenty of breaks as it's a group of newbies. she refused and admitted she is upset at me for offering to take her boyfriend on this without clearing it with her first as she's uncomfortable with him spending the entire day with her friend like this. i admit i was surprised by this but was quick to reassure her that it was in no way a one on one hike in case she misunderstood and that four of his friends are coming too. this didn't change matters for her and she felt it was still "weird" for me to make this offer and made her uncomfortable, i asked her why it made her uncomfortable and she said it just did. this only came about because we're mutual friends on social media through her and he has seen some of my hiking pictures and expressed interest in it. is it really that weird for me to offer this? [/INST] nta. your friend is being very insecure. </s>
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AITA? I told my best friend's boyfriend that he planned on proposing to her at my wedding
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my wedding is in two weeks and my best friend (let's call her rita) is one of my bridesmaids.
rita and her boyfriend have been together for 3 years and lately he's talking about he wants to propose. he's also asked me for advice on what kind of rings rita would like and generally he has involved me a lot in his proposal process. he just got the ring now and he's very nervous and he was telling me he's anxious because the proposal will happen soon and he's very excited about it. i kept asking where the proposal would be and he said it's going to be a surprise. then he started asking me if he could also have a speech at the wedding and i found this a very weird request because only my moh (my sister), my parents, and my in laws will have speeches and even my friends have not requested a speech so it was weird coming from him. i declined because i felt awkward about it and not comfortable. he was very upset and would stop texting or calling me to talk about the proposal after that.
few days ago another one of my bridesmaids who's also friends with both rita and i told me that rita's bf plans on proposing to rita at the wedding that's why he was insisting on having a speech so he could do it during his speech.
i immediately confronted him and told him i'm extremely angry and disappointed how he tried to trick me into this and how he thinks this is a good idea and he could just ask and then i could decide whether or not i'm comfortable with it. he said he knew i'd say no and that's why he didn't tell me anything. this made me even more angry. i told him not to try anything or else i'll have no choice but to uninvite him. he didn't believe i'd uninvite him because he thought i'd be afraid to disappoint rita and he literally laughed at my face and said my hands are tied and there's nothing i can do about it or else i'll hurt rita's feelings and ill have to offer her an explanation. i then uninvited him and i told rita he's not welcome anywhere anymore and she was mad and kept asking me why. so i told her what he was planning to do. and just like that i ruined the surprise that her bf wanted to propose. rita is mad at both me and her bf and said that i could just make up a lie on why i uninvited him and tell her the truth after he would have proposed to her and that now i ruined one of the best surprises she'd have in her life. i feel so bad right now and i don't know if i did the right thing but at the same time i believe i was in a lose lose situation and i'd still get blamed even if i made up a lie and reveal the truth later. aita?
| 8,239 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v3za1k/aita_i_told_my_best_friends_boyfriend_that_he/
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2022-06-03 13:21:09
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nta - if you didn’t tell her, it could’ve ruined your relationship with her, so you were right to do so. he is the asshole for treating you like shit, and not respecting the fact that it’s your wedding.
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nta- you definitely were in a lose-lose situation. and your story should 🚩🚩🚩to rita about her boyfriend. wtf was he thinking? his plan was completely inappropriate, and he knew it, so he tried to disguise it and then laughed in your face when you found out?!?! bye, boy.
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nta but boy is rita's bf the ah. what he said to you about you not being able to stop him from proposing at your wedding is horrible. you did the right thing. rita also would be mad if you lied cause she never would have accepted you uninviting her bf.
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nta
‘you should have just lied to me’ is rarely a phrase that is applicable to any situation. her boyfriend was an ah and incredibly rude. you responded to that behavior. she flipped out on you and demanded the truth. you told her. what lie would she have accepted to have been serious enough to be uninvited from a wedding but also not ruined her proposal??? i’m sitting here trying to think of one.
bottom line, he was an ah; if she blames you, she’s not a real friend. he ruined her surprise by being a jerk. don’t feel bad and have a wonderful day.
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"he said he knew i'd say no and that's why he didn't tell me anything." then maybe don't do it, bro!
nta
this guy sucks and based on how manipulative he is, sounds like a shit partner for your best friend.
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nta your wedding day is a day about you and your new husband
not rita and some dude who cant be creative enough to take her somewhere special to her to do this at
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nta. are any proposals these days every actually a surprise? i mean, yes a surprise time/location, but you didn’t ruin that surprise because that was no longer a possibility since he was uninvited. so he new needs to come up with his own proposal venue. but don’t every serious couple have discussions about marriage before the actual proposal?
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definitely nta - your friend's bf is a manipulative asshole, and while your friend is understandably upset, she needs to get over it because they both backed you into a corner. you shouldn't have to be dealing with other peoples' relationship drama during your wedding planning. just put them out of your mind.
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nta. a wedding is no place for a proposal, and he needed to learn that. you saw it coming and you stopped it from messing up your wedding. good job.
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nta
rita needs to assess why she wants to marry someone who would treat her best friend this way.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wedding is in two weeks and my best friend (let's call her rita) is one of my bridesmaids. rita and her boyfriend have been together for 3 years and lately he's talking about he wants to propose. he's also asked me for advice on what kind of rings rita would like and generally he has involved me a lot in his proposal process. he just got the ring now and he's very nervous and he was telling me he's anxious because the proposal will happen soon and he's very excited about it. i kept asking where the proposal would be and he said it's going to be a surprise. then he started asking me if he could also have a speech at the wedding and i found this a very weird request because only my moh (my sister), my parents, and my in laws will have speeches and even my friends have not requested a speech so it was weird coming from him. i declined because i felt awkward about it and not comfortable. he was very upset and would stop texting or calling me to talk about the proposal after that. few days ago another one of my bridesmaids who's also friends with both rita and i told me that rita's bf plans on proposing to rita at the wedding that's why he was insisting on having a speech so he could do it during his speech. i immediately confronted him and told him i'm extremely angry and disappointed how he tried to trick me into this and how he thinks this is a good idea and he could just ask and then i could decide whether or not i'm comfortable with it. he said he knew i'd say no and that's why he didn't tell me anything. this made me even more angry. i told him not to try anything or else i'll have no choice but to uninvite him. he didn't believe i'd uninvite him because he thought i'd be afraid to disappoint rita and he literally laughed at my face and said my hands are tied and there's nothing i can do about it or else i'll hurt rita's feelings and ill have to offer her an explanation. i then uninvited him and i told rita he's not welcome anywhere anymore and she was mad and kept asking me why. so i told her what he was planning to do. and just like that i ruined the surprise that her bf wanted to propose. rita is mad at both me and her bf and said that i could just make up a lie on why i uninvited him and tell her the truth after he would have proposed to her and that now i ruined one of the best surprises she'd have in her life. i feel so bad right now and i don't know if i did the right thing but at the same time i believe i was in a lose lose situation and i'd still get blamed even if i made up a lie and reveal the truth later. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wedding is in two weeks and my best friend (let's call her rita) is one of my bridesmaids. rita and her boyfriend have been together for 3 years and lately he's talking about he wants to propose. he's also asked me for advice on what kind of rings rita would like and generally he has involved me a lot in his proposal process. he just got the ring now and he's very nervous and he was telling me he's anxious because the proposal will happen soon and he's very excited about it. i kept asking where the proposal would be and he said it's going to be a surprise. then he started asking me if he could also have a speech at the wedding and i found this a very weird request because only my moh (my sister), my parents, and my in laws will have speeches and even my friends have not requested a speech so it was weird coming from him. i declined because i felt awkward about it and not comfortable. he was very upset and would stop texting or calling me to talk about the proposal after that. few days ago another one of my bridesmaids who's also friends with both rita and i told me that rita's bf plans on proposing to rita at the wedding that's why he was insisting on having a speech so he could do it during his speech. i immediately confronted him and told him i'm extremely angry and disappointed how he tried to trick me into this and how he thinks this is a good idea and he could just ask and then i could decide whether or not i'm comfortable with it. he said he knew i'd say no and that's why he didn't tell me anything. this made me even more angry. i told him not to try anything or else i'll have no choice but to uninvite him. he didn't believe i'd uninvite him because he thought i'd be afraid to disappoint rita and he literally laughed at my face and said my hands are tied and there's nothing i can do about it or else i'll hurt rita's feelings and ill have to offer her an explanation. i then uninvited him and i told rita he's not welcome anywhere anymore and she was mad and kept asking me why. so i told her what he was planning to do. and just like that i ruined the surprise that her bf wanted to propose. rita is mad at both me and her bf and said that i could just make up a lie on why i uninvited him and tell her the truth after he would have proposed to her and that now i ruined one of the best surprises she'd have in her life. i feel so bad right now and i don't know if i did the right thing but at the same time i believe i was in a lose lose situation and i'd still get blamed even if i made up a lie and reveal the truth later. aita? [/INST] nta - if you didn’t tell her, it could’ve ruined your relationship with her, so you were right to do so. he is the asshole for treating you like shit, and not respecting the fact that it’s your wedding. </s>
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AITA for telling my mom she can't wear white to my wedding
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i (23f) am back in the states with my fiance (24m) for the holidays. while here, my best friends planned a surprise engagement party for me and my fiance where all of my close friends and family were invited to celebrate our engagement. this party included my immediate family and family friends which consists of mostly my mom's best friends and their families.
the party is in full swing and since i and my fiance have been in scotland for the past few months we're very busy catching up with family friends. midway through the party, my best friend pulls me to the side and asks me if i had seen the dress my mom is telling everyone that she's wearing to the wedding. confused, i make my way across the room to talk to my mother and i ask her about the whole situation. unfazed, she very excitedly shows me this white sparkly gown with what looked like a two feet sweep train in the back. the dress looked like a wedding dress.
i was shocked. i had barely even begun wedding planning and somehow my mother had already managed to begin to derail my wedding. i asked her if she was serious and she simply nodded her head and tell me about how she went shopping the moment she heard i was engaged and thought it was perfect.
i didn't want to cause a scene at the party so i waited until we all went home to address my mother after everyone went to sleep. i basically asked her if it was possible for her to find another dress as my wedding wouldn't be for at least two years and i very plainly wasn't comfortable with her wearing a white dress that had a train and basically looked like a wedding dress.
my mom then got very huffy and basically said that "if she looked good in it then why shouldn't she wear it?" and began to double down and tell me that if i was worried about her overshadowing me at my wedding then that would be my problem and i shouldn't let others make me feel inferior or ruin my day.
she then went on a rant about how she didn't understand why i was making such a big deal about the wedding since all i needed was a church and all the family there and nothing else should matter if i'm with my husband and we're getting married in a church (she's a very devout catholic). then proceeded to point out that if i was really focusing on what dress she was wearing and other small details like flowers, venues, music, and other things then i was being really shallow and maybe shouldn't get married at all.
i reiterated my point about while that may be - it's my wedding and i would not feel comfortable if anyone else showed up in an overly expensive white dress comparable to my white dress and i didn't care how that made me look.
she then told me i'm shallow and should go to church to rethink my actions because obviously, i'm not ready for marriage if that's all i'm focused on.
aita for asking my mom not to wear a white dress to my wedding?
| 4,398 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rv1bg0/aita_for_telling_my_mom_she_cant_wear_white_to_my/
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2022-01-03 13:06:35
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nta
there’s no way your mother doesn’t know that this is a huge faux pas. she’s either jealous or insecure and wants to upstage you.
tell her if she sticks to her guns on it that she’ll be uninvited to the wedding. then she’ll know how serious you are.
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nta at all.
your mom and this situation belongs on r/raisedbynarcissists .
she’s gaslighting you and wants this wedding to be about her. please stand up for yourself or else looking back i’m sure you’re going to regret it and be bitter about it.
asking your own freaking mom to not wear white isn’t asking for a lot (at all) and you shouldn’t even have to ask. everyone knows not to wear white to a (christian) wedding. has she always gone out of her way to seek this much attention?
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nta. she will likely show up in white no matter what. and she will look very foolish having done so. i’ve also heard red wine looks wonderful on white dresses. hopefully your bridal party *loves* red wine and can help decorate your mother’s dress.
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nta. your mum is trying to emotionally blackmail you. did she not get the wedding dress she wanted when she got married? she made be using your wedding as the chance for her to wear the dress that she has always wanted.
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nta. i hate everyone’s families on aita.
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nta - as they’ve said so many fucking times before.
the bar is so damn low and yet here she is limbo-ing with satan.
what you’re asking of your mother, which is to not wear a wedding gown to your wedding (and that’s what it is. stop sugar coating it) and that’s the bare fucking minimum you could expect of a woman in your wedding or as a guest. jesus tap dancing christ. let alone having to ask her not to wear a wedding gown and her doubling down and painting you in a bad light for wanting just a shred of respect on your big day.
*
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nta. she's almost gaslighting you. there's no way anyone sane would find this acceptable. unless she was brought up in a completely different culture. if she's genuinely that clueless then just ask her to ask around if that helps, but she may be a manipulative narcissist.
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nta
make it simple to her
you approve her dress in advance or she doesn’t get an invite to the wedding
and make it clear that if she deviates from that choice she’ll be barred from entering the wedding
you don’t need your mother ruining you special day
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nta - wearing a white or wedding dress (or even something close) to someone else's wedding is one of the biggest no-nos there is!
maybe you could talk her around by framing it as not wanting her to make a fool of herself and have everyone laughing and gossiping about what an awful mother she is to do that to her child, because it is a well known faux-pas.
if that doesn't work you may well have to tell her if she wears that dress she will not be allowed in, and if she insists un-invite her and have security to keep her out.
i'm also going to add that you should keep all vendors and locations on lockdown with passwords in case she tries to overstep again, and make sure all dresses and decorations are kept somewhere secure, just in case things escalate. because if she's already doing something like this, she could well escalate. maybe consider eloping instead.
congratulations and good luck!
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nta - and holy carp your mother has issues. she's really out here making it sound as if you aren't a good enough catholic because you care about your wedding beyond "a church and your family," and you don't want her to look like a ...bride...at your wedding? if it were me, i would tell her she can either wear the dress or come to the wedding, but that's just me.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (23f) am back in the states with my fiance (24m) for the holidays. while here, my best friends planned a surprise engagement party for me and my fiance where all of my close friends and family were invited to celebrate our engagement. this party included my immediate family and family friends which consists of mostly my mom's best friends and their families. the party is in full swing and since i and my fiance have been in scotland for the past few months we're very busy catching up with family friends. midway through the party, my best friend pulls me to the side and asks me if i had seen the dress my mom is telling everyone that she's wearing to the wedding. confused, i make my way across the room to talk to my mother and i ask her about the whole situation. unfazed, she very excitedly shows me this white sparkly gown with what looked like a two feet sweep train in the back. the dress looked like a wedding dress. i was shocked. i had barely even begun wedding planning and somehow my mother had already managed to begin to derail my wedding. i asked her if she was serious and she simply nodded her head and tell me about how she went shopping the moment she heard i was engaged and thought it was perfect. i didn't want to cause a scene at the party so i waited until we all went home to address my mother after everyone went to sleep. i basically asked her if it was possible for her to find another dress as my wedding wouldn't be for at least two years and i very plainly wasn't comfortable with her wearing a white dress that had a train and basically looked like a wedding dress. my mom then got very huffy and basically said that "if she looked good in it then why shouldn't she wear it?" and began to double down and tell me that if i was worried about her overshadowing me at my wedding then that would be my problem and i shouldn't let others make me feel inferior or ruin my day. she then went on a rant about how she didn't understand why i was making such a big deal about the wedding since all i needed was a church and all the family there and nothing else should matter if i'm with my husband and we're getting married in a church (she's a very devout catholic). then proceeded to point out that if i was really focusing on what dress she was wearing and other small details like flowers, venues, music, and other things then i was being really shallow and maybe shouldn't get married at all. i reiterated my point about while that may be - it's my wedding and i would not feel comfortable if anyone else showed up in an overly expensive white dress comparable to my white dress and i didn't care how that made me look. she then told me i'm shallow and should go to church to rethink my actions because obviously, i'm not ready for marriage if that's all i'm focused on. aita for asking my mom not to wear a white dress to my wedding?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (23f) am back in the states with my fiance (24m) for the holidays. while here, my best friends planned a surprise engagement party for me and my fiance where all of my close friends and family were invited to celebrate our engagement. this party included my immediate family and family friends which consists of mostly my mom's best friends and their families. the party is in full swing and since i and my fiance have been in scotland for the past few months we're very busy catching up with family friends. midway through the party, my best friend pulls me to the side and asks me if i had seen the dress my mom is telling everyone that she's wearing to the wedding. confused, i make my way across the room to talk to my mother and i ask her about the whole situation. unfazed, she very excitedly shows me this white sparkly gown with what looked like a two feet sweep train in the back. the dress looked like a wedding dress. i was shocked. i had barely even begun wedding planning and somehow my mother had already managed to begin to derail my wedding. i asked her if she was serious and she simply nodded her head and tell me about how she went shopping the moment she heard i was engaged and thought it was perfect. i didn't want to cause a scene at the party so i waited until we all went home to address my mother after everyone went to sleep. i basically asked her if it was possible for her to find another dress as my wedding wouldn't be for at least two years and i very plainly wasn't comfortable with her wearing a white dress that had a train and basically looked like a wedding dress. my mom then got very huffy and basically said that "if she looked good in it then why shouldn't she wear it?" and began to double down and tell me that if i was worried about her overshadowing me at my wedding then that would be my problem and i shouldn't let others make me feel inferior or ruin my day. she then went on a rant about how she didn't understand why i was making such a big deal about the wedding since all i needed was a church and all the family there and nothing else should matter if i'm with my husband and we're getting married in a church (she's a very devout catholic). then proceeded to point out that if i was really focusing on what dress she was wearing and other small details like flowers, venues, music, and other things then i was being really shallow and maybe shouldn't get married at all. i reiterated my point about while that may be - it's my wedding and i would not feel comfortable if anyone else showed up in an overly expensive white dress comparable to my white dress and i didn't care how that made me look. she then told me i'm shallow and should go to church to rethink my actions because obviously, i'm not ready for marriage if that's all i'm focused on. aita for asking my mom not to wear a white dress to my wedding? [/INST] nta there’s no way your mother doesn’t know that this is a huge faux pas. she’s either jealous or insecure and wants to upstage you. tell her if she sticks to her guns on it that she’ll be uninvited to the wedding. then she’ll know how serious you are. </s>
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AITA for not sending my daughter away?
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i really don’t know where to begin, i’m frustrated and feel blind sided by this whole situation.
for context, my wife (41f) and i (39m) are unable to conceive children due to medical reasons. we both make very good money, so we were able to happily adopt 5 beautiful children, three sons and two daughters.
my oldest daughter (15f), whom i’ll call mary, has very prominent chinese features, and obviously looks nothing like my wife and i (both of us are scandinavian). we have always been open to our kids about being adopted, and been truthful when they have questions. when mary was 12 we told her about her birth parents, just two poor, inner city, high schoolers unable to raise a child.
the problem arose when her history class watched a documentary about asian kids essentially being kidnapped and “adopted” (sold) to european families. while i’m sure child trafficking is an incredibly serious issue, i was hurt when my own daughter accused my wife and i of participating. when my wife tried to reassure her that we adopted kids both to give them a better life, and because we absolutely wanted to love and raise kids of our own; mary accused my wife of stealing her from her birth parents, who would have loved her and gave her a great life. she started crying and screamed that we only adopted kids so other people would think we were good people and that she would have had a great life growing up with her real parents even if they were poor. she then stormed off to her room.
my wife and i each took turns later in the night after she calmed down, to remind her of how much we love her and that she would always be our little girl, no matter who her birth parents are. for dinner i made her chocolate chip pancakes and we watched supernatural together till she fell asleep cuddled between my wife and i.
i thought we had moved on until the next morning my wife was adamant about sending our daughter to stay with my brother-in-law in the city. he has a nice apartment and lives on a good block, however he’s not very far away from where the city becomes very poverty stricken. my wife believes that by exposing mary to the slums of the city, she will better understand how much better off and privileged she is. i told my wife that i think she’s taking our daughters words too personally, and that her outburst probably came from wondering why her birth parents didn’t want her. my wife agreed with this, but is still adamant a day in the city will change mary’s perspective and make her more appreciative that she comes from a secure family.
so reddit, aita for not wanting to expose my daughter to abject poverty by sending her away for a day?
| 177 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v5hdcx/aita_for_not_sending_my_daughter_away/
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2022-06-05 16:49:55
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nta. sending her away when she struggling to understand her connections and relationships in her family will further distance and alienate her. she wants security and unconditional love, sending her away when she is struggling would not help her feel safe.
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nta this is nuts. she saw a documentary that caused her to fresk out about the circumstances of her adoption. it's totally understandable for a teenager to do that. sounds like your wife is holding a grudge.
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nta. you don't want to send the message that you're punishing her for questioning her adoption, or that you only love her when she's a 'good kid'. adoption is hard for kids to process, and it sounds like this is anger at her biological parents finding an unhealthy way to manifest. she doesn't want to have been unwanted, so if she was kidnapped, she was loved by her biological parents.
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nta for not sending your daughter away, but your wife is ta for wanting to send her away.
your daughter has grown up with a minority ethnic and racial identity and has experiences that you will never understand in her life. this isn't a dig at you, this is the absolute truth. seeing this documentary about asia really, really hit home. do you know what it's like to have a different ethnicity, race, and skin colour from your family? to be racially profiled at every single turn, whether or not your family recognises it.
she's dealing with a lot right now.
you've said you told her "about her birth parents, just two poor, inner city, high schoolers unable to raise a child." is that true? was she born to migrants to scandinavia, or people with different ethnic heritage, and too poor to raise a child- or was she adopted from asia? kids can really tell when you're lying.
what steps, if any, have you taken to ensure your child is comfortable as a transracial adopted child to white parents? what does she know about her ethnic and racial heritage? your child feeling weird about being adopted for various reasons doesn't mean you get to dump her in a lower-income community so that she, as an adoptee, can feel "grateful" for you as parents doing your absolute bare minimum. your wife should be ashamed of herself for wanting to punish her like this.
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hey op- you absolutely are not ta for not sending her away. something important to understand is that adoption is an open wound on a lot of children who wind up separated from their biological families. you can provide for them, love them, the whole nine yards. but due to the nature of the situation, there will likely always be some level of trauma. particularly if her adoption was from a different country.
if you want to reassure her that you and your wife weren’t up to anything nefarious, i’d be honest with her. embrace the facts that sometimes adoptions aren’t what they seem. if she’s interested, help her find out more about her family. the only way to show her you truly love her is offer her unconditional support when it comes to this topic.
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nta, poor ppl dont exist to show ur daughter a lesson, ur wife is an asshat
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nta. as an adoptee i grew up hearing in one breath how loved and wanted i was by my adoptive parents, and in the next how grateful i should be for the opportunities i “probably” would have never received otherwise.
it was an absolute mind fuck.
im close to 50 and just now untangling how toxic my childhood was.
for the love of your daughter please don’t let your wife or anyone prove to her how “lucky” she is without your white knight intervention.
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i was adopted by white parents and come from an asian country myself.
your daughter is facing what a vast majority of teenagers adopted from foreign countries or from a different ethnic background than their parents face : she has an identity crisis.
most teenagers adopted or not face this but it's very hard on adopted children because we feel like we were "uprooted", we feel like we don't belong anywhere and are looking for answers, the most important question to get an answer to being: why did my bio parents did not want me? it has nothing to do with the way our parents treat us.
your wife does not seem to understand that your daughter needs love and reassurance, not a "reality check". moreover, expecting your daughter to be "grateful" to you for adopting her is not what she should expect. by sending her away, she will only alienate your daughter further. adopted children did not ask to be brought into the world, you can try to reason and rationalize with your daughter that adoption was the best for her, but she's not in the right psychological state to aknowledge your arguments.
i would recommend therapy for the whole family in order to better communicate.
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nta. i hate when parents either suggest or go through with such things. they never stop to think about the psychological damage that it's gonna do to the kid.
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nta she doesn't need to be taught a lesson about how good she has it, or how wonderful you and your wife were for "saving" her. she needs to be shown that she's loved, given the space to explore these feelings and provided the support to process them. do not send her away!
do you have information on the exact circumstances of her birth family, or the ability to access it? not just the fact that they were "two inner city high schoolers", but how it came to be that they chose to seek adoption for her, who cared for her and where she lived before she was adopted, etc. maybe consider getting her in to therapy and/or getting her involved with a transracial adoption group, possibly one for you and your wife too (and maybe for your other kids prememptively). there's a lot of literature about supporting adopted kids, you and your wife should maybe do some independent reading too. also perhaps watching that doc might give you some insight in to her thought processes.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i really don’t know where to begin, i’m frustrated and feel blind sided by this whole situation. for context, my wife (41f) and i (39m) are unable to conceive children due to medical reasons. we both make very good money, so we were able to happily adopt 5 beautiful children, three sons and two daughters. my oldest daughter (15f), whom i’ll call mary, has very prominent chinese features, and obviously looks nothing like my wife and i (both of us are scandinavian). we have always been open to our kids about being adopted, and been truthful when they have questions. when mary was 12 we told her about her birth parents, just two poor, inner city, high schoolers unable to raise a child. the problem arose when her history class watched a documentary about asian kids essentially being kidnapped and “adopted” (sold) to european families. while i’m sure child trafficking is an incredibly serious issue, i was hurt when my own daughter accused my wife and i of participating. when my wife tried to reassure her that we adopted kids both to give them a better life, and because we absolutely wanted to love and raise kids of our own; mary accused my wife of stealing her from her birth parents, who would have loved her and gave her a great life. she started crying and screamed that we only adopted kids so other people would think we were good people and that she would have had a great life growing up with her real parents even if they were poor. she then stormed off to her room. my wife and i each took turns later in the night after she calmed down, to remind her of how much we love her and that she would always be our little girl, no matter who her birth parents are. for dinner i made her chocolate chip pancakes and we watched supernatural together till she fell asleep cuddled between my wife and i. i thought we had moved on until the next morning my wife was adamant about sending our daughter to stay with my brother-in-law in the city. he has a nice apartment and lives on a good block, however he’s not very far away from where the city becomes very poverty stricken. my wife believes that by exposing mary to the slums of the city, she will better understand how much better off and privileged she is. i told my wife that i think she’s taking our daughters words too personally, and that her outburst probably came from wondering why her birth parents didn’t want her. my wife agreed with this, but is still adamant a day in the city will change mary’s perspective and make her more appreciative that she comes from a secure family. so reddit, aita for not wanting to expose my daughter to abject poverty by sending her away for a day?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i really don’t know where to begin, i’m frustrated and feel blind sided by this whole situation. for context, my wife (41f) and i (39m) are unable to conceive children due to medical reasons. we both make very good money, so we were able to happily adopt 5 beautiful children, three sons and two daughters. my oldest daughter (15f), whom i’ll call mary, has very prominent chinese features, and obviously looks nothing like my wife and i (both of us are scandinavian). we have always been open to our kids about being adopted, and been truthful when they have questions. when mary was 12 we told her about her birth parents, just two poor, inner city, high schoolers unable to raise a child. the problem arose when her history class watched a documentary about asian kids essentially being kidnapped and “adopted” (sold) to european families. while i’m sure child trafficking is an incredibly serious issue, i was hurt when my own daughter accused my wife and i of participating. when my wife tried to reassure her that we adopted kids both to give them a better life, and because we absolutely wanted to love and raise kids of our own; mary accused my wife of stealing her from her birth parents, who would have loved her and gave her a great life. she started crying and screamed that we only adopted kids so other people would think we were good people and that she would have had a great life growing up with her real parents even if they were poor. she then stormed off to her room. my wife and i each took turns later in the night after she calmed down, to remind her of how much we love her and that she would always be our little girl, no matter who her birth parents are. for dinner i made her chocolate chip pancakes and we watched supernatural together till she fell asleep cuddled between my wife and i. i thought we had moved on until the next morning my wife was adamant about sending our daughter to stay with my brother-in-law in the city. he has a nice apartment and lives on a good block, however he’s not very far away from where the city becomes very poverty stricken. my wife believes that by exposing mary to the slums of the city, she will better understand how much better off and privileged she is. i told my wife that i think she’s taking our daughters words too personally, and that her outburst probably came from wondering why her birth parents didn’t want her. my wife agreed with this, but is still adamant a day in the city will change mary’s perspective and make her more appreciative that she comes from a secure family. so reddit, aita for not wanting to expose my daughter to abject poverty by sending her away for a day? [/INST] nta. sending her away when she struggling to understand her connections and relationships in her family will further distance and alienate her. she wants security and unconditional love, sending her away when she is struggling would not help her feel safe. </s>
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AITA for laughing and telling my property manager to get stuffed?
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i'm a model tenant. always paid my rent on time, i'm a bit neurotic when it comes to cleaning, quiet and respectful and i've been renting this house for 8 years. the owners adore me. my old property manager was a peach to deal with but she moved on to a different company and i met my new property manager this morning when she came around to do an inspection.
i took the day off work because i wanted to meet her and it was going well until she passed me the report saying that everything looked good, but i had to remove the two armchairs in the living room. i asked what was wrong with them and she said that they were 'ratty and an eyesore'. the said armchairs in question i've had for 3 years however i got them off a friend who didn't want them anymore. the leather is worn and torn, they're an awful shade of green/brown and yeah, they're ugly as all hell but they're the most comfortable armchairs i've ever sank into. they don't smell or anything either.
i told her they've never been an issue before and the previous manager had shown photos of the living room to the owners and they'd never said anything either. she was kind of rude and snapped saying that (old manager) isn't the property manager now, but she is and that i should take her advice because she can and will feed back everything to the owners. i dunno if it was a power trip or something that she was on but i scoffed/laughed at her and said "yeah nah, get stuffed" kinda without thinking and then followed up with "sorry but your job is to make sure the house is being maintained, not to come in and tell me to ditch my stuff."
the inspection ended on a sour note obviously and she ended with "if those arm chairs are here next inspection then i'll follow it up with the owners. just remember that my feedback is a deciding factor in whether or not you continue to stay here."
bit rude. didn't think much of it. told my mum who said i was unneccessarily rude though so that brings me here.
| 7,868 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p5g2ws/aita_for_laughing_and_telling_my_property_manager/
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2021-08-16 13:29:17
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nta - why would a property manager be inspecting and commenting on the furniture inside your house?
what right does a landlord/property manager have to comment on your decorating choices? is there other info missing or something, because that doesn’t make sense?
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nta
if you have the contact info for the owners, you may want to give them a friendly heads up that the new property manager threatened to report you because you won't replace your furniture.
it's inappropriate of her to have said anything about your furniture and to have threatened your housing over it. if she's doing stuff like that to good tenants, she's probably going to cause bigger issues for the landlords.
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nta - sounds to me like they are on a bit of a power trip. really strange for somebody to tell you that you need to replace furniture inside of your house. i would consider messaging the owners as you mention that they adore you. if she does decide to "give feedback" next time, its good to be ahead of it.
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nta - i'd be following up
with whoever her boss is. it's attitudes like this that cause landlords to lose good tenants.
hopefully you still have copies of previous reports noting the furniture and nil poor previous feedback.
you can't be evicted because of a choice of furniture
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why on earth does the property manager think she gets to dictate what furniture you have inside your home?? i've never heard of such a thing. nta, obviously. i can't think of much you could have said to this petty tyrant that would have made you ta.
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info: do you have direct contact with the property owners? could you ask them directly about what their expectations are? if this woman is being an ah it would be worth raising your concerns with them and asking them to confirm that their expectations of how you furnish and use the home are the same as they have been for the past 3 years.
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nta - it sounds like the property manager is overstepping their job, yes it's their job to manage the property, but that doesn't mean they get to dictate your decor.
wording was a bit harsh, but i can't say i blame you if the property manager is threatening to kick you out over this. is there any way you could get ahold of the owners and explain to them, your side of things? because the property manager was just as rude, if not outright threatening the security of your home over their preference.
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nta - but in what country or what contract is it legal to require aesthetically pleasing furniture?
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nta. you had better get ahead of this and call the owners yourself and tell them what she said. i do not think they would be happy with her. go on offense. tell the owners that she made you uncomfortable by trying to intimidate you. it is the truth. your record of being a great tenant for 8 years should stand on its own.
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nta. op, go straight to the owners and let them know about her behaviour.
she sounds vindictive. at this moment you don't know what she's capable of doing to jeapardize your stay there.
get ahead of her.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm a model tenant. always paid my rent on time, i'm a bit neurotic when it comes to cleaning, quiet and respectful and i've been renting this house for 8 years. the owners adore me. my old property manager was a peach to deal with but she moved on to a different company and i met my new property manager this morning when she came around to do an inspection. i took the day off work because i wanted to meet her and it was going well until she passed me the report saying that everything looked good, but i had to remove the two armchairs in the living room. i asked what was wrong with them and she said that they were 'ratty and an eyesore'. the said armchairs in question i've had for 3 years however i got them off a friend who didn't want them anymore. the leather is worn and torn, they're an awful shade of green/brown and yeah, they're ugly as all hell but they're the most comfortable armchairs i've ever sank into. they don't smell or anything either. i told her they've never been an issue before and the previous manager had shown photos of the living room to the owners and they'd never said anything either. she was kind of rude and snapped saying that (old manager) isn't the property manager now, but she is and that i should take her advice because she can and will feed back everything to the owners. i dunno if it was a power trip or something that she was on but i scoffed/laughed at her and said "yeah nah, get stuffed" kinda without thinking and then followed up with "sorry but your job is to make sure the house is being maintained, not to come in and tell me to ditch my stuff." the inspection ended on a sour note obviously and she ended with "if those arm chairs are here next inspection then i'll follow it up with the owners. just remember that my feedback is a deciding factor in whether or not you continue to stay here." bit rude. didn't think much of it. told my mum who said i was unneccessarily rude though so that brings me here.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm a model tenant. always paid my rent on time, i'm a bit neurotic when it comes to cleaning, quiet and respectful and i've been renting this house for 8 years. the owners adore me. my old property manager was a peach to deal with but she moved on to a different company and i met my new property manager this morning when she came around to do an inspection. i took the day off work because i wanted to meet her and it was going well until she passed me the report saying that everything looked good, but i had to remove the two armchairs in the living room. i asked what was wrong with them and she said that they were 'ratty and an eyesore'. the said armchairs in question i've had for 3 years however i got them off a friend who didn't want them anymore. the leather is worn and torn, they're an awful shade of green/brown and yeah, they're ugly as all hell but they're the most comfortable armchairs i've ever sank into. they don't smell or anything either. i told her they've never been an issue before and the previous manager had shown photos of the living room to the owners and they'd never said anything either. she was kind of rude and snapped saying that (old manager) isn't the property manager now, but she is and that i should take her advice because she can and will feed back everything to the owners. i dunno if it was a power trip or something that she was on but i scoffed/laughed at her and said "yeah nah, get stuffed" kinda without thinking and then followed up with "sorry but your job is to make sure the house is being maintained, not to come in and tell me to ditch my stuff." the inspection ended on a sour note obviously and she ended with "if those arm chairs are here next inspection then i'll follow it up with the owners. just remember that my feedback is a deciding factor in whether or not you continue to stay here." bit rude. didn't think much of it. told my mum who said i was unneccessarily rude though so that brings me here. [/INST] nta - why would a property manager be inspecting and commenting on the furniture inside your house? what right does a landlord/property manager have to comment on your decorating choices? is there other info missing or something, because that doesn’t make sense? </s>
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AITA for calling my in-laws and parents selfish and horrible because they said we didn't need to adopt now?
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i had a miscarriage three years ago and i decided i wanted to adopt instead of going through that again. the reason we never started the process back then is because i was having issues with my husband at the time.
we finally started the process 2 months ago but i found out i’m pregnant recently. we told our families yesterday and they were happy for us but my father-in-law brought up how we wouldn’t need to adopt now. my husband never said anything but i told him that i still wanted to adopt a child because we could give them a much better life than they otherwise would have. my in-laws and parents then tried to convince me it was a bad idea because i would have my hands full with a newborn who would need all of my attention.
i got angry after my dad said i needed to focus on my child and not somebody else’s so i told them they were all selfish and horrible. i was so upset and i didn’t want to fight with them anymore so i locked myself in my room and wouldn’t speak to them when they tried to apologise or when my husband tried to convince me to come and say goodbye.
my husband is upset with me because he thinks they had a valid point and i overreacted.
aita?
| 203 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wifwvg/aita_for_calling_my_inlaws_and_parents_selfish/
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2022-08-07 13:36:05
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nta but i am a bit worried about your husband’s reaction. is he really going to treat your adopted child the same as your biological child if he views them as “someone else’s child”?
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esh seems like you're not on the same page with your husband and he is kind of silent in this conversation. your in-laws and parents are butting where they shouldn't be.
a side note: adoption is a wonderful thing but is not all roses. these kids have experienced trauma, have detachment issues, and often need years of therapy and support. evalute if you will really have time and energy for that with a newborn, because returning an adopted child is traumatizing them all over again (this happens more than you think).
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i’m going with esh. sounds like you haven’t even had a chance to get on the same page with your husband about it and then you locked yourself in your room like a teenager. your family is obviously trying to look out for you, however it is really none of their business. so esh.
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esh. i have no idea what the timing of your adoption is going to be. your ils and parents went overboard with their input and don't really get a say if you are not planning to ask them for help with the children.
however, an adopted child needs a lot more time and attention from their new parents in the first year to feel that you are their permanent home and they are loved and wanted. having an adopted child join the family within 6 months before or after a new baby isn't really fair to the adoptee. newborns demand constant attention and parents of newborns are exhausted 24/7 so there is a real danger the adopted child will feel less than. the only case where this might work is if the adopted child is also a young baby. so the esh is because i also feel you are not considering the impact on the adopted child. running off to the bedroom to hide is also not the best response.
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not exactly the asshole, but it does sound like your husband doesn't actually want to adopt anymore.. therefore you absolutely shouldn't be adopting.
your in-laws on the other hand are most definitely assholes.. so nta.
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info: if i may inquire,, are you trying to adopt a infant, kid, or a preteen/teen? i'm not trying to dissuade you or anything. the opposite infact, i myself am adopted. i was adopted fairly young (met my mom at 2 and was adopted just before turning 3) and my siblings are as well. however, notably my two brothers who were adopted at the oldest of us all (8 and 7 and biological brothers) have alot of,,,behavioral issues that came from their birth family and foster care. alot of these issues led to the younger children, myself included, being subject to some,,,,very scary things. what i'm getting at here is that children from foster care (me included) often come with a litany of mental health or behavioral issues. you might do well to get through pregnancy and the newborn/infant stages before bringing on an adopted child. it took my mom years individually to acclimate us all, convince us we weren't being sent back, that we were loved now, had a family now. i promise you that you don't want to throw a newborn into that mix it very well could bring up some nasty issues and if not that it will be incredibly taxing because your newborn will not be the only child who will need constant acclimation to being a part of your family.
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nta, it started out as a valid point but then there was the comment about taking care of someone else's child. it is so important for people to adopt, the system is so flooded right now that kids are having to live in terrible homes because there is no place for them.
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0.432053 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i had a miscarriage three years ago and i decided i wanted to adopt instead of going through that again. the reason we never started the process back then is because i was having issues with my husband at the time. we finally started the process 2 months ago but i found out i’m pregnant recently. we told our families yesterday and they were happy for us but my father-in-law brought up how we wouldn’t need to adopt now. my husband never said anything but i told him that i still wanted to adopt a child because we could give them a much better life than they otherwise would have. my in-laws and parents then tried to convince me it was a bad idea because i would have my hands full with a newborn who would need all of my attention. i got angry after my dad said i needed to focus on my child and not somebody else’s so i told them they were all selfish and horrible. i was so upset and i didn’t want to fight with them anymore so i locked myself in my room and wouldn’t speak to them when they tried to apologise or when my husband tried to convince me to come and say goodbye. my husband is upset with me because he thinks they had a valid point and i overreacted. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i had a miscarriage three years ago and i decided i wanted to adopt instead of going through that again. the reason we never started the process back then is because i was having issues with my husband at the time. we finally started the process 2 months ago but i found out i’m pregnant recently. we told our families yesterday and they were happy for us but my father-in-law brought up how we wouldn’t need to adopt now. my husband never said anything but i told him that i still wanted to adopt a child because we could give them a much better life than they otherwise would have. my in-laws and parents then tried to convince me it was a bad idea because i would have my hands full with a newborn who would need all of my attention. i got angry after my dad said i needed to focus on my child and not somebody else’s so i told them they were all selfish and horrible. i was so upset and i didn’t want to fight with them anymore so i locked myself in my room and wouldn’t speak to them when they tried to apologise or when my husband tried to convince me to come and say goodbye. my husband is upset with me because he thinks they had a valid point and i overreacted. aita? [/INST] nta but i am a bit worried about your husband’s reaction. is he really going to treat your adopted child the same as your biological child if he views them as “someone else’s child”? </s>
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AITA for causing my girlfriend's friend to have a severe allergic reaction
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please read before answering.
two days ago my (29m) girlfriend (24f) came over my place and her friend (24f) tagged along, we just had a heatwave so my gf and i were in the pool (her friend wasn't). i'm a little bit of a jokester and i thought it'd be funny to push her friend into the pool. as soon as i did this, both of them started freaking out. i was pretty confused and my girlfriend helped her friend out. this is when things went to hell. her friend started developing hives and my gf was yelling at me to call an ambulance because she's having an allergic reaction i was still confused but i called triple zero. this is when my girlfriend informed me that her friend had 'cold urticaria' (an allergy to cold) and is reacting to the cold water. i didn't even know that was a thing. everything happened so fast, her friend started complaining about being dizzy and having shortness of breath. thankfully the paramedics showed up, injected an epipen and then took her to hospital - she is fine now.
just to be clear - i had no idea about her friend's allergy but now my girlfriend is mad at me because "i shouldn't be pushing people into pools anyway" and she's making me feel even more guilty by calling me a jerk etc.
aita?
| 3,858 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k3aw2w/aita_for_causing_my_girlfriends_friend_to_have_a/
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2020-11-29 15:11:14
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yta and shouldn't be pushing people into pools anyway
other people's distress is not entertainment
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yta. if someone is dry, and does not intend to get into the pool you are a big asshole for pushing them in. yes, with certain friends that you are close to and everyone is getting in and out of the pool, pushing someone (already wet) in is acceptable (again, depending on group and closeness) but getting someone wet who intended to stay dry is a big jerk move. did you even bother to ask her or care why she wasn't getting in the pool? there are also people who have bad reactions to chlorine, who have wounds or skin conditions that can't be in chlorinated water- even an inability to swim or a fear of water. don't go messing with people you don't know.
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yta - don’t push people into pools. she could have been hurt even if she wasn’t allergic.
if you can’t make jokes without it being at someone else’s expense, it means you’re not funny.
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yta - why you pranking people by pushing them into pools? i agree with gf, even though you didn’t know she has that allergy you shouldn’t push people in pools.
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yta don't push people into the pool even if they don't have an allergy. it's rude and obnoxous.
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yta - what if she's carrying her phone in her pocket? in 1960 pushing people into pools was great fun, nowadays, everyone knows there's probably electronics on each person
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yta
come on man, if someone's not getting in the pool, there's probably a reason for it. you need to apologize.
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yta. people have many reasons for not wanting to be pushed in a pool. just don't do it. it's not funny.
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“i’m a bit of a jokester” no no no you’re a bit of an asshole. trying to be funny by being mean is school children level and you should really aim higher as an adult. yta
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if making someone get wet who doesn't want to be wet, for whatever reason or no reason at all, is your idea of funny, yta. and you might be a nine year old boy trapped in a 29 year old body.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: please read before answering. two days ago my (29m) girlfriend (24f) came over my place and her friend (24f) tagged along, we just had a heatwave so my gf and i were in the pool (her friend wasn't). i'm a little bit of a jokester and i thought it'd be funny to push her friend into the pool. as soon as i did this, both of them started freaking out. i was pretty confused and my girlfriend helped her friend out. this is when things went to hell. her friend started developing hives and my gf was yelling at me to call an ambulance because she's having an allergic reaction i was still confused but i called triple zero. this is when my girlfriend informed me that her friend had 'cold urticaria' (an allergy to cold) and is reacting to the cold water. i didn't even know that was a thing. everything happened so fast, her friend started complaining about being dizzy and having shortness of breath. thankfully the paramedics showed up, injected an epipen and then took her to hospital - she is fine now. just to be clear - i had no idea about her friend's allergy but now my girlfriend is mad at me because "i shouldn't be pushing people into pools anyway" and she's making me feel even more guilty by calling me a jerk etc. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
please read before answering. two days ago my (29m) girlfriend (24f) came over my place and her friend (24f) tagged along, we just had a heatwave so my gf and i were in the pool (her friend wasn't). i'm a little bit of a jokester and i thought it'd be funny to push her friend into the pool. as soon as i did this, both of them started freaking out. i was pretty confused and my girlfriend helped her friend out. this is when things went to hell. her friend started developing hives and my gf was yelling at me to call an ambulance because she's having an allergic reaction i was still confused but i called triple zero. this is when my girlfriend informed me that her friend had 'cold urticaria' (an allergy to cold) and is reacting to the cold water. i didn't even know that was a thing. everything happened so fast, her friend started complaining about being dizzy and having shortness of breath. thankfully the paramedics showed up, injected an epipen and then took her to hospital - she is fine now. just to be clear - i had no idea about her friend's allergy but now my girlfriend is mad at me because "i shouldn't be pushing people into pools anyway" and she's making me feel even more guilty by calling me a jerk etc. aita? [/INST] yta and shouldn't be pushing people into pools anyway other people's distress is not entertainment </s>
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AITA for making my white neighbor seem like a racist
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hello reddit! i’m a long time lurker, first time posting. so recently couple weeks back a new family moved into the house across from mine. we’ve never met or spoke, i’ve only occasionally seen them when they’re working on their lawn. so the situation happened this morning. when i was opening my door to get my amazon package, my dog squeezed through the little opening and ran straight to my neighbors lawn. i later found out she did this because she saw my neighbors dog. i immediately put my package inside my house and ran across the street barefoot to my neighbor’s lawn. i literally had just gotten out of bed prior to this i hadn’t even brushed my teeth when i noticed my dog bolt. by the time i reached my dog, my neighbor ran out of her house cursing every word she knew at me. which to be fair, i understand as it was my dog that was in her lawn. then she accused me of doing this multiple times which confused me. i’m a college student, my “morning” starts at 3pm because i take late classes. i’ve never seen seen her face to face and only caught glimpses of her. she screamed at me using colorful variety of words before she inevitably threatens to call the police on me. i tried to explain that i didn’t even mean to open the door and my dog ran but i couldn’t get a word in.
i tell my mom what happens and she tells me how she believes she’s purposely targeting us as we’re the only non-white family in the neighborhood. the reasons why we believe this is because this situation has never happened before, my dog likes to chase bunnies and runs after them but she’s never ran into anyone’s lawn especially this neighbor’s lawn (until now). she blatantly lied and said she’s specifically seen me multiple times when i don’t even leave my room until it’s dark out. my mom also mentioned she caught our neighbor glare at my mom and dad whenever they’re on our front yard.
so anyways after few minutes of talking to my mom a policemen showed up to my house. i explained the situation exactly as it had happened and he was very understanding. im sure my morning breath told him that i wasn’t looking to walk my dog and that this situation was just an accident. he told me accidents happen but that doesn’t mean we deserved getting berated by our neighbor especially if this was the first time. he even encouraged us to file a harassment complaint if it were to occur again. this is the part where i might be ah. i mentioned to him the things my mom mentioned and how she lied and cursed at me. also pointing out the fact we’re the only non-white family in the neighborhood and how she’s seemingly kind to everyone else except my family. he also told me to keep a look out for any racially-biased things she does or says and to call the cops if it were to happen again as any race related issue to going to be taken very seriously. he assured us he was going to have a talk with her and left.
now reddit aita for making my neighbor seem like a racist?
| 1,454 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k29qmp/aita_for_making_my_white_neighbor_seem_like_a/
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2020-11-27 21:09:44
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nta. she isn't going to get arrested for being racist. plus it gives the police documentation the next time she is in a altercation with someone.
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you didn't make her seem like a racist, you simply told him the experience that you and your mom have experienced, the police can make their own conclusions.
nta
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nta
be sure to video any interaction if possible
**she. already. called. the. police**.
what a jerk of a neighbor.
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nta. maybe your neighbor shouldn’t be acting borderline racist if they don’t wanna get accused of being racist.
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nta
she knew what she was doing. especially for calling the cops.
get it documented because she will do it again.
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nta. your neighbor is a racist. you didn't make her "seem" like one. she is one. if this happened in the us, calling the police on poc for minor things sometimes has deadly consequences.
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nta. she is a racist.
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nta your neighbor needs those charges to remind them to behave obviously. don't be afraid to pursue them!
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in my experience, people that aren’t racist don’t call the police on non-white people for trivial things such as a dog simply running into their yard. even the most crotchety angry old person in the world who waits for moments like these just to scream at someone wouldn’t waste time calling the cops. nta
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> he even encouraged us to file a harassment complaint if it were to occur again
generally speaking, cops don't do this unless the family is a *problem*.
nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hello reddit! i’m a long time lurker, first time posting. so recently couple weeks back a new family moved into the house across from mine. we’ve never met or spoke, i’ve only occasionally seen them when they’re working on their lawn. so the situation happened this morning. when i was opening my door to get my amazon package, my dog squeezed through the little opening and ran straight to my neighbors lawn. i later found out she did this because she saw my neighbors dog. i immediately put my package inside my house and ran across the street barefoot to my neighbor’s lawn. i literally had just gotten out of bed prior to this i hadn’t even brushed my teeth when i noticed my dog bolt. by the time i reached my dog, my neighbor ran out of her house cursing every word she knew at me. which to be fair, i understand as it was my dog that was in her lawn. then she accused me of doing this multiple times which confused me. i’m a college student, my “morning” starts at 3pm because i take late classes. i’ve never seen seen her face to face and only caught glimpses of her. she screamed at me using colorful variety of words before she inevitably threatens to call the police on me. i tried to explain that i didn’t even mean to open the door and my dog ran but i couldn’t get a word in. i tell my mom what happens and she tells me how she believes she’s purposely targeting us as we’re the only non-white family in the neighborhood. the reasons why we believe this is because this situation has never happened before, my dog likes to chase bunnies and runs after them but she’s never ran into anyone’s lawn especially this neighbor’s lawn (until now). she blatantly lied and said she’s specifically seen me multiple times when i don’t even leave my room until it’s dark out. my mom also mentioned she caught our neighbor glare at my mom and dad whenever they’re on our front yard. so anyways after few minutes of talking to my mom a policemen showed up to my house. i explained the situation exactly as it had happened and he was very understanding. im sure my morning breath told him that i wasn’t looking to walk my dog and that this situation was just an accident. he told me accidents happen but that doesn’t mean we deserved getting berated by our neighbor especially if this was the first time. he even encouraged us to file a harassment complaint if it were to occur again. this is the part where i might be ah. i mentioned to him the things my mom mentioned and how she lied and cursed at me. also pointing out the fact we’re the only non-white family in the neighborhood and how she’s seemingly kind to everyone else except my family. he also told me to keep a look out for any racially-biased things she does or says and to call the cops if it were to happen again as any race related issue to going to be taken very seriously. he assured us he was going to have a talk with her and left. now reddit aita for making my neighbor seem like a racist?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hello reddit! i’m a long time lurker, first time posting. so recently couple weeks back a new family moved into the house across from mine. we’ve never met or spoke, i’ve only occasionally seen them when they’re working on their lawn. so the situation happened this morning. when i was opening my door to get my amazon package, my dog squeezed through the little opening and ran straight to my neighbors lawn. i later found out she did this because she saw my neighbors dog. i immediately put my package inside my house and ran across the street barefoot to my neighbor’s lawn. i literally had just gotten out of bed prior to this i hadn’t even brushed my teeth when i noticed my dog bolt. by the time i reached my dog, my neighbor ran out of her house cursing every word she knew at me. which to be fair, i understand as it was my dog that was in her lawn. then she accused me of doing this multiple times which confused me. i’m a college student, my “morning” starts at 3pm because i take late classes. i’ve never seen seen her face to face and only caught glimpses of her. she screamed at me using colorful variety of words before she inevitably threatens to call the police on me. i tried to explain that i didn’t even mean to open the door and my dog ran but i couldn’t get a word in. i tell my mom what happens and she tells me how she believes she’s purposely targeting us as we’re the only non-white family in the neighborhood. the reasons why we believe this is because this situation has never happened before, my dog likes to chase bunnies and runs after them but she’s never ran into anyone’s lawn especially this neighbor’s lawn (until now). she blatantly lied and said she’s specifically seen me multiple times when i don’t even leave my room until it’s dark out. my mom also mentioned she caught our neighbor glare at my mom and dad whenever they’re on our front yard. so anyways after few minutes of talking to my mom a policemen showed up to my house. i explained the situation exactly as it had happened and he was very understanding. im sure my morning breath told him that i wasn’t looking to walk my dog and that this situation was just an accident. he told me accidents happen but that doesn’t mean we deserved getting berated by our neighbor especially if this was the first time. he even encouraged us to file a harassment complaint if it were to occur again. this is the part where i might be ah. i mentioned to him the things my mom mentioned and how she lied and cursed at me. also pointing out the fact we’re the only non-white family in the neighborhood and how she’s seemingly kind to everyone else except my family. he also told me to keep a look out for any racially-biased things she does or says and to call the cops if it were to happen again as any race related issue to going to be taken very seriously. he assured us he was going to have a talk with her and left. now reddit aita for making my neighbor seem like a racist? [/INST] nta. she isn't going to get arrested for being racist. plus it gives the police documentation the next time she is in a altercation with someone. </s>
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AITA for telling my ex he can not come to my cousins wedding with me?
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so long story short, my ex(41) and i(32) decided(in march) to try getting back together after 11 years apart. we share a daughter (11) who i have sole custody for and we have lived in germany for the last 9 years, my daughter has had minimal contact with her father over the years, barely sent birthday and christmas cards etc. but we recently got back in contact and thought we would give it a go, it was going great, my family were very supportive even though there is a lot of history there including family courts blah blah blah. ex and i planned for my daughter and myself to move back to the uk in august, my daughter has already been enrolled in the local high school. we spoke about how quickly this was all moving but together decided it was the best route for our daughter as she would be starting high school this year in uk. she has only ever attended a german speaking school and we felt it was in her best interests to start at the first year of high school along with all the other children so that she doesnt struggle in a year or two when she starts taking exams etc.
we bought dd her new uniform when we were over last month, we flew back home the following day and within 24hour ex called and said he "couldn´t" be with me anymore. and that we couldnt move over in august etc. he tried to persuede me to move dd to portugal for the three of us to be together there, but we couldnt be together in uk.
move on a few weeks later to now, i am still confused as to what has gone on, dd has said she doesnt want to speak to her father again, which i fully understand and to be honest i really had to persuede her to give him a chance this time round (because of the lack of effort and interest he has shown her over the last 11 years) which i now feel like an arsehole for because of how it has turned out.
down to the point, my cousin is getting married this year and asked dd to be a flower girl, when my cousin found out that i was back with my ex she asked me if i would like to bring him with me so he could see dd as part of the brial party. i obviously said yes as that was a lovely offer from my cousin. however, now we are no longer together my belief is that my ex is no longer entitled to be my plus1 at my cousins wedding, it would be innapropriate. i believe its an unfortunate consiquence of breaking up with your partner that you no longer get to attend their family functions even if your child is part of the wedding party but my ex has thrown a full blown hissy fit and said i have manipulated the situation so that he couldnt go to my cousins wedding (he didnt know my cousin beforehand and has only met her and the groom once)
aita for saying he cant go with me to the wedding?
| 273 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vytm9g/aita_for_telling_my_ex_he_can_not_come_to_my/
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2022-07-14 11:29:54
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nta and please never force your daughter to have contact with this absent crappy parent if she no longer wants to. what a let down for her.
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nta but you realize that whatever relationship your ex had in the uk is back on? the one that fell apart in march and had him figure "why not try again with op"? i would put money on that being the reason why he tells you y'all can't be together in the uk but portugal is totally fine - that way he can keep his two relationships/families separate.
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nta you are under no obligation to bring him. frankly it would be very strange to bring him in the circumstances. most importantly, your daughter doesn't want him. at this point her opinion is the only one that could count more than yours. his certainly does not.
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nta
i'm confused. he feels he should be at the wedding because your daughter is in it? he does get that this isn't your daughter's day right?
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nta. of course you aren’t bringing your ex to the wedding. that’s actually very common not to do.
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nta for the wedding, yes he is not entitled to come. but for heaven's sake op , why are you falling over backwards for this guy. why are you willing to even consider going back to him, when by your own words , he did not act like a father and keeps showing you his true colors and you seem to be blinded to it. he says jump and you say how high??????
i've read your post 3 times, hoping i missed something where you say how he redeemed himself to your daughter and yourself and nothing. you even make fun of family court procedure as hs shenanigans or small family argument.
i could be wrong of course and this is your life, but i feel that you need to be more firm with him and close the door of any relationship with you he or more specifically you are hoping for. as for his relationship with your daughter, he needs to act as a father not as an occasional visitor or he gets no relationship at all.
please don't feel like i am attacking you, but you really need to think of yourself and your daughter and be assertive and firm for both your sakes.
one more thing; do not think of using the "**he is her father and i owe it to her to try to make it work**", that's totally bs when the hard work is done by one parent while the other picks and choose when to act.
good luck and enjoy your cousin's wedding with you daughter and without the other dead weight.
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**nta**
you get to choose who your date is.
he has no right to get angry at you, given that he barely knows your cousin and his own daughter doesn’t want to speak to him again.
sounds like he is just angry he will miss out on a free party.
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why is this wedding invite even the issue?
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nta. as you said, you are no longer together and it would not be appropriate for him to be your plus1. he was only invited for that reason; no invitation would have been sent to him individually had you not been together, regardless of his daughter being in the wedding party.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so long story short, my ex(41) and i(32) decided(in march) to try getting back together after 11 years apart. we share a daughter (11) who i have sole custody for and we have lived in germany for the last 9 years, my daughter has had minimal contact with her father over the years, barely sent birthday and christmas cards etc. but we recently got back in contact and thought we would give it a go, it was going great, my family were very supportive even though there is a lot of history there including family courts blah blah blah. ex and i planned for my daughter and myself to move back to the uk in august, my daughter has already been enrolled in the local high school. we spoke about how quickly this was all moving but together decided it was the best route for our daughter as she would be starting high school this year in uk. she has only ever attended a german speaking school and we felt it was in her best interests to start at the first year of high school along with all the other children so that she doesnt struggle in a year or two when she starts taking exams etc. we bought dd her new uniform when we were over last month, we flew back home the following day and within 24hour ex called and said he "couldn´t" be with me anymore. and that we couldnt move over in august etc. he tried to persuede me to move dd to portugal for the three of us to be together there, but we couldnt be together in uk. move on a few weeks later to now, i am still confused as to what has gone on, dd has said she doesnt want to speak to her father again, which i fully understand and to be honest i really had to persuede her to give him a chance this time round (because of the lack of effort and interest he has shown her over the last 11 years) which i now feel like an arsehole for because of how it has turned out. down to the point, my cousin is getting married this year and asked dd to be a flower girl, when my cousin found out that i was back with my ex she asked me if i would like to bring him with me so he could see dd as part of the brial party. i obviously said yes as that was a lovely offer from my cousin. however, now we are no longer together my belief is that my ex is no longer entitled to be my plus1 at my cousins wedding, it would be innapropriate. i believe its an unfortunate consiquence of breaking up with your partner that you no longer get to attend their family functions even if your child is part of the wedding party but my ex has thrown a full blown hissy fit and said i have manipulated the situation so that he couldnt go to my cousins wedding (he didnt know my cousin beforehand and has only met her and the groom once) aita for saying he cant go with me to the wedding?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so long story short, my ex(41) and i(32) decided(in march) to try getting back together after 11 years apart. we share a daughter (11) who i have sole custody for and we have lived in germany for the last 9 years, my daughter has had minimal contact with her father over the years, barely sent birthday and christmas cards etc. but we recently got back in contact and thought we would give it a go, it was going great, my family were very supportive even though there is a lot of history there including family courts blah blah blah. ex and i planned for my daughter and myself to move back to the uk in august, my daughter has already been enrolled in the local high school. we spoke about how quickly this was all moving but together decided it was the best route for our daughter as she would be starting high school this year in uk. she has only ever attended a german speaking school and we felt it was in her best interests to start at the first year of high school along with all the other children so that she doesnt struggle in a year or two when she starts taking exams etc. we bought dd her new uniform when we were over last month, we flew back home the following day and within 24hour ex called and said he "couldn´t" be with me anymore. and that we couldnt move over in august etc. he tried to persuede me to move dd to portugal for the three of us to be together there, but we couldnt be together in uk. move on a few weeks later to now, i am still confused as to what has gone on, dd has said she doesnt want to speak to her father again, which i fully understand and to be honest i really had to persuede her to give him a chance this time round (because of the lack of effort and interest he has shown her over the last 11 years) which i now feel like an arsehole for because of how it has turned out. down to the point, my cousin is getting married this year and asked dd to be a flower girl, when my cousin found out that i was back with my ex she asked me if i would like to bring him with me so he could see dd as part of the brial party. i obviously said yes as that was a lovely offer from my cousin. however, now we are no longer together my belief is that my ex is no longer entitled to be my plus1 at my cousins wedding, it would be innapropriate. i believe its an unfortunate consiquence of breaking up with your partner that you no longer get to attend their family functions even if your child is part of the wedding party but my ex has thrown a full blown hissy fit and said i have manipulated the situation so that he couldnt go to my cousins wedding (he didnt know my cousin beforehand and has only met her and the groom once) aita for saying he cant go with me to the wedding? [/INST] nta and please never force your daughter to have contact with this absent crappy parent if she no longer wants to. what a let down for her. </s>
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AITA for refusing to attend my sister's engagement party? (and subsequent wedding proceedings?)
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my sister (30f) and i (28f) used to be close as kids, but we no longer have a good relationship. starting in middle school, she bullied me. when i was 9, one of my friends died and i was so devastated that i stopped eating and was hospitalized. during the first day of middle school (11yo), i found a note in my locker claiming to be from my dead friend's brother. the note said that my friend had always hated me, and that she must be happy to be away from me in death. long story short, my sister wrote it because she thought it was funny. in high school, my sister organized a "bullying network" to target me. she is still friends with my biggest bully, who she has told me repeatedly she values more than me because she "finally has someone who sees how [i] truly am." my sister was also creepy throughout my teens. she ransacked my underwear drawer because she wanted to know if my bra size was changing. she rummaged through trash looking for my used pads, then cried about how i wasn't "sisterly" because i wouldn't share when my period was. i have always felt hugely violated by this and it makes me sick to even type it.
we ended up going to uni near each other. she'd invite me over for celebratory events -- her birthday, sorority events, presentations -- and every single time, the way i celebrated wasn't good enough. i bought her a cake? it went in the trash, with her berating me for being so pathetic i would buy something so small. i bought her flowers? "you're so fucking worthless, you couldn't even find a bouquet with flowers i like?" i refused to attend her sorority events, which led to her cussing me out. when it came to my events, she either showed up and ruined them by insulting me the entire time ("it's not like anything you achieve matters anyway") or she just didn't attend, like with my graduation.
after college, she has stolen money, electronics, beauty products. she has spread rumors about me. i'm thinner than her, so i'm bulimic. i avoid being around her, so now i have bpd, npd, aspd. she makes up these lies and tells relatives, friends, acquaintances, strangers. in the past 6 years, she has not spoken to me kindly unless she wants something from me; otherwise she alternates between insulting me, accusing me of jealousy, screaming, and the silent treatment. she also has this habit of inviting me places, acting like she wants to improve our relationship, and then bullying me the entire event. my heart's crushed. i genuinely cannot take this anymore.
recently, my sister got engaged and i refused to go to her party. my mom has been calling me daily, screaming at me that i'm selfish, i'm ruining my sister's chance at happiness, i'm holding grudges, it's my fault our relationship is so bad because i refuse to accept my sister for who she is, etc. my mom asked if i would attend the wedding; when i said no, she told me that she's ashamed she raised a daughter who's so uncaring and cruel, and that i really sicken and scare her. aita?
| 1,678 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pmcjr9/aita_for_refusing_to_attend_my_sisters_engagement/
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2021-09-11 18:19:59
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nta. ignore her and your mom.
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you already know the answer to this. its not wrong to cut toxic out of your life. be happy. be you.
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nta. i’m so sorry you’re going through this and that your family seem to be narcissists. you should consider greyrocking or no contact with your family.
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nta- why would you want to attend an event for someone who constantly berates and bullies you? also, what does your mother mean when she says you never accepted your sister for who she is? you didn’t accept her bullying? you are not required to be around a toxic person, even if they are family.
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nta - you need to go no-contact with both of them.
there's something seriously wrong here, and it's not you.
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nta
like mother, like daughter. both your sister and mother are cut from the same cloth.
move away, go live your own life.
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nta. none of these people sound like they're worth your time or like they're even your family. i would find a new family.
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nta. it sounds like your sister isn't your only bully. your mom sounds just as bad as your sister. for your own mental health you should consider cutting both of them out of your life. you have been your sisters favorite punching bag for too long and it doesn't sound like your mother did anything to protect you.
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you have created boundaries to keep your own sanity. here is the crux of the problem. you said your mother told you, "it's my fault our relationship is so bad because i refuse to accept my sister for who she is." your mom has enabled your sister's bad behavior by accepting it. and i would almost venture to say that your sister learned some of her behavior from your mom, who screamed at you about this and is using emotional manipulation to get you to go, rather than discussing it like a normal person and trying to understand your side of it.
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nta. your mom should be ashamed she raised a daughter who's so uncaring and cruel, but you're not that daughter.
block, block. block.
btw, what does your dad say?
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister (30f) and i (28f) used to be close as kids, but we no longer have a good relationship. starting in middle school, she bullied me. when i was 9, one of my friends died and i was so devastated that i stopped eating and was hospitalized. during the first day of middle school (11yo), i found a note in my locker claiming to be from my dead friend's brother. the note said that my friend had always hated me, and that she must be happy to be away from me in death. long story short, my sister wrote it because she thought it was funny. in high school, my sister organized a "bullying network" to target me. she is still friends with my biggest bully, who she has told me repeatedly she values more than me because she "finally has someone who sees how [i] truly am." my sister was also creepy throughout my teens. she ransacked my underwear drawer because she wanted to know if my bra size was changing. she rummaged through trash looking for my used pads, then cried about how i wasn't "sisterly" because i wouldn't share when my period was. i have always felt hugely violated by this and it makes me sick to even type it. we ended up going to uni near each other. she'd invite me over for celebratory events -- her birthday, sorority events, presentations -- and every single time, the way i celebrated wasn't good enough. i bought her a cake? it went in the trash, with her berating me for being so pathetic i would buy something so small. i bought her flowers? "you're so fucking worthless, you couldn't even find a bouquet with flowers i like?" i refused to attend her sorority events, which led to her cussing me out. when it came to my events, she either showed up and ruined them by insulting me the entire time ("it's not like anything you achieve matters anyway") or she just didn't attend, like with my graduation. after college, she has stolen money, electronics, beauty products. she has spread rumors about me. i'm thinner than her, so i'm bulimic. i avoid being around her, so now i have bpd, npd, aspd. she makes up these lies and tells relatives, friends, acquaintances, strangers. in the past 6 years, she has not spoken to me kindly unless she wants something from me; otherwise she alternates between insulting me, accusing me of jealousy, screaming, and the silent treatment. she also has this habit of inviting me places, acting like she wants to improve our relationship, and then bullying me the entire event. my heart's crushed. i genuinely cannot take this anymore. recently, my sister got engaged and i refused to go to her party. my mom has been calling me daily, screaming at me that i'm selfish, i'm ruining my sister's chance at happiness, i'm holding grudges, it's my fault our relationship is so bad because i refuse to accept my sister for who she is, etc. my mom asked if i would attend the wedding; when i said no, she told me that she's ashamed she raised a daughter who's so uncaring and cruel, and that i really sicken and scare her. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister (30f) and i (28f) used to be close as kids, but we no longer have a good relationship. starting in middle school, she bullied me. when i was 9, one of my friends died and i was so devastated that i stopped eating and was hospitalized. during the first day of middle school (11yo), i found a note in my locker claiming to be from my dead friend's brother. the note said that my friend had always hated me, and that she must be happy to be away from me in death. long story short, my sister wrote it because she thought it was funny. in high school, my sister organized a "bullying network" to target me. she is still friends with my biggest bully, who she has told me repeatedly she values more than me because she "finally has someone who sees how [i] truly am." my sister was also creepy throughout my teens. she ransacked my underwear drawer because she wanted to know if my bra size was changing. she rummaged through trash looking for my used pads, then cried about how i wasn't "sisterly" because i wouldn't share when my period was. i have always felt hugely violated by this and it makes me sick to even type it. we ended up going to uni near each other. she'd invite me over for celebratory events -- her birthday, sorority events, presentations -- and every single time, the way i celebrated wasn't good enough. i bought her a cake? it went in the trash, with her berating me for being so pathetic i would buy something so small. i bought her flowers? "you're so fucking worthless, you couldn't even find a bouquet with flowers i like?" i refused to attend her sorority events, which led to her cussing me out. when it came to my events, she either showed up and ruined them by insulting me the entire time ("it's not like anything you achieve matters anyway") or she just didn't attend, like with my graduation. after college, she has stolen money, electronics, beauty products. she has spread rumors about me. i'm thinner than her, so i'm bulimic. i avoid being around her, so now i have bpd, npd, aspd. she makes up these lies and tells relatives, friends, acquaintances, strangers. in the past 6 years, she has not spoken to me kindly unless she wants something from me; otherwise she alternates between insulting me, accusing me of jealousy, screaming, and the silent treatment. she also has this habit of inviting me places, acting like she wants to improve our relationship, and then bullying me the entire event. my heart's crushed. i genuinely cannot take this anymore. recently, my sister got engaged and i refused to go to her party. my mom has been calling me daily, screaming at me that i'm selfish, i'm ruining my sister's chance at happiness, i'm holding grudges, it's my fault our relationship is so bad because i refuse to accept my sister for who she is, etc. my mom asked if i would attend the wedding; when i said no, she told me that she's ashamed she raised a daughter who's so uncaring and cruel, and that i really sicken and scare her. aita? [/INST] nta. ignore her and your mom. </s>
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AITA for interrupting my husband's "Live stream" and going off on him after he "forgot" to feed and change our daughter's diaper?
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my f32 husband m35 i has a youtube channel with over 14k followers. he's been doing live streaming a lot lately even though i told him that we have responsibilities to take care of. before our daughter (she's 7 months old) was born he'd stream randomly and spend lot of time with his "followers". answering questions and engaging in conversations. he keeps saying that his followers are good for his mental health and that engaging with them weekly makes him become better at socializing and communicating.
he's been complaining about wanting to do a live stream for days. i told him we'd look at our schedule and see if we could get him some time to make it happen. apparently, this wasn't good enough. yesterday i had to go grocery shopping and asked him to keep an eye on our daughter while she was asleep. he said okay.
i was gone for 4hrs but kept calling him to see if everything was ok. he'd tell me she was alright and that she was sleeping. i started getting this weird feeling something was wrong because, she must've had been hungry or needed a diaper change. he argued that everything was fine. i immediately went home and when i entered the house i didn't find him, i shouted his name but got nothing. i went into the bedroom and saw that my daughter was awake and her diaper wasn't changed...and worse was that her bottle was even touched. i was confused i got out and noticed that his office's door was closed. i figured he was doing a live streaming from the noise i heard. i was beyond seething i barged into the office and saw him sitting. i blew up while he was trying to turn his mic off and telling me to stop but i didnt stop. i berated him for leaving our daughter unattended and with no milk nor diaper change. he freaked out on me saying i just ended his entire channel and destroyed his fan base for interrupting his live stream and embarrassing and scandalized him like that. i told him to not say a word but he kept yelling calling me out of control and unhinged. he was almost crying so i had to leave the office.
he kept fighting with me til i decided to go stay with my mom. he started blaming me for ignoring his needs after he already expressed them and that he forgot to do what i asked him and i'd cost him so much. now us telling to come back home because he misses his daughter.
| 28,560 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w1l464/aita_for_interrupting_my_husbands_live_stream_and/
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2022-07-17 23:56:07
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nta - dude was straight up neglecting his human child for some twitch viewers. if i ever caught my husband doing that, i'd be reevaluating the marriage; a child's well-being and safety should be his first priority, not worrying about his subscribers.
(and before anyone tries it, he could have waited until op sat down with him and they mutually agreed upon a time when the baby'd be taken care of while he streamed for his mental health)
(thanks for the award! also, no, it has not escaped my notice that this reply has more upvotes than op's husband has subscribers)
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**nta**
he has a social media addiction. what he did was unconscionable, and the fact that he had an absolute tantrum and explosive upset over you potentially embarrassing him in front of his followers or ruining his "channel" . . . and not the fact that he left his infant child sitting hungry and in a soiled diaper so that he could talk at a bunch of complete strangers is horrifying, and inexplicable by any other reasoning.
and btw, his whole "mental health" argument doesn't make this better. any therapist worth their salt would raise a serious eyebrow at the fact that he claims that he desperately "needs" the adulation and interaction with thousands of strangers "for his mental health". that isn't mental health, it's addiction. and i say that as a housebound disabled person whose social life revolves entirely around online things . . . but there is a vast difference between connecting with friends and having meaningful relationships with individuals online, and claiming that you need to interact with thousands of strangers - with an audience - to the point that you start to get jittery and panicked if you don't, and will neglect your family, your infant child, just to get your "fix". every single thing you describe shouts "addiction".
don't go home until he agrees to get professional help. his craving for an audience, the fact that he can't live without it, and that he will do things detrimental to his family and to your child if it means getting in front of an audience. . . that's not mental health, it's addiction, and his is out of control. do not go home until he acknowledges that he has lost control of this, and he needs help, and shows you that he is taking steps to get it.
you are nta, but this isn't a small thing. an addict cannot be trusted because they'll say or do anything to get what they need. you've seen that now with your child.
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nta. he neglected your child for hours. there is no way in hell that he should be left alone with any child since he wants to be a child himself. your husband is an irresponsible asshole. there is a time for fun and games, but not while he is supposed to be a father for once is not that time. it’s called being a parent and growing up.
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nta
i'd like to find some glint of justification for what he did, but i can't; it doesn't matter how long he went without connecting with his followers and how much it was upsetting him. the fact is, he left his infant daughter without changing, without food and didn't even keep her in the same damn room as him. he literally just left her alone for 4 hours. that's just fucking negligence.
he could have actually had her with him and looked after her while streaming, that is so possible for him.
he needs to remember he is a fucking parent.
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nta get a fucking divorce
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nta 14k doesn’t even make a livable income. he sounds delusion from your perspective
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nta.
he left your infant completely unattended for hours with a soiled diaper and did not feed her. that is abuse. babies do not ask to come here, we bring them here and we have an obligation to care for them.
what if a neighbor heard her crying and rang the bell with no answer and called the police out of concern? they would have entered and then cps would have been called and then they could have taken your child.
what he did is beyond irresponsible. it is cruel to neglect children and we are talking about an infant who cannot even open the fridge to get a juice box.
you husband showed you exactly what ho he is. he has shown you that he cares more about his youtube than he does about his baby. please, please believe him.
i would never trust him with my child again.
you and your daughter can do better.
i wish you the best.
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why are you with this man? what does he contribute? also, he doesn't miss his daughter. he forgot she existed and neglected her. this is divorce level, protect your child at all costs!!! this will happen again if you let it. nta
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nta, and from his reaction (talking about "ending his entire channel") he definitely knows what he did was serious. honestly i hope you *did* end it, i hope his follower count never recovers. your daughter deserves better.
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info:
how were you gone grocery shopping for 4 hours but was able to rush home when you thought something was wrong?
how did he not hear the baby crying?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my f32 husband m35 i has a youtube channel with over 14k followers. he's been doing live streaming a lot lately even though i told him that we have responsibilities to take care of. before our daughter (she's 7 months old) was born he'd stream randomly and spend lot of time with his "followers". answering questions and engaging in conversations. he keeps saying that his followers are good for his mental health and that engaging with them weekly makes him become better at socializing and communicating. he's been complaining about wanting to do a live stream for days. i told him we'd look at our schedule and see if we could get him some time to make it happen. apparently, this wasn't good enough. yesterday i had to go grocery shopping and asked him to keep an eye on our daughter while she was asleep. he said okay. i was gone for 4hrs but kept calling him to see if everything was ok. he'd tell me she was alright and that she was sleeping. i started getting this weird feeling something was wrong because, she must've had been hungry or needed a diaper change. he argued that everything was fine. i immediately went home and when i entered the house i didn't find him, i shouted his name but got nothing. i went into the bedroom and saw that my daughter was awake and her diaper wasn't changed...and worse was that her bottle was even touched. i was confused i got out and noticed that his office's door was closed. i figured he was doing a live streaming from the noise i heard. i was beyond seething i barged into the office and saw him sitting. i blew up while he was trying to turn his mic off and telling me to stop but i didnt stop. i berated him for leaving our daughter unattended and with no milk nor diaper change. he freaked out on me saying i just ended his entire channel and destroyed his fan base for interrupting his live stream and embarrassing and scandalized him like that. i told him to not say a word but he kept yelling calling me out of control and unhinged. he was almost crying so i had to leave the office. he kept fighting with me til i decided to go stay with my mom. he started blaming me for ignoring his needs after he already expressed them and that he forgot to do what i asked him and i'd cost him so much. now us telling to come back home because he misses his daughter.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my f32 husband m35 i has a youtube channel with over 14k followers. he's been doing live streaming a lot lately even though i told him that we have responsibilities to take care of. before our daughter (she's 7 months old) was born he'd stream randomly and spend lot of time with his "followers". answering questions and engaging in conversations. he keeps saying that his followers are good for his mental health and that engaging with them weekly makes him become better at socializing and communicating. he's been complaining about wanting to do a live stream for days. i told him we'd look at our schedule and see if we could get him some time to make it happen. apparently, this wasn't good enough. yesterday i had to go grocery shopping and asked him to keep an eye on our daughter while she was asleep. he said okay. i was gone for 4hrs but kept calling him to see if everything was ok. he'd tell me she was alright and that she was sleeping. i started getting this weird feeling something was wrong because, she must've had been hungry or needed a diaper change. he argued that everything was fine. i immediately went home and when i entered the house i didn't find him, i shouted his name but got nothing. i went into the bedroom and saw that my daughter was awake and her diaper wasn't changed...and worse was that her bottle was even touched. i was confused i got out and noticed that his office's door was closed. i figured he was doing a live streaming from the noise i heard. i was beyond seething i barged into the office and saw him sitting. i blew up while he was trying to turn his mic off and telling me to stop but i didnt stop. i berated him for leaving our daughter unattended and with no milk nor diaper change. he freaked out on me saying i just ended his entire channel and destroyed his fan base for interrupting his live stream and embarrassing and scandalized him like that. i told him to not say a word but he kept yelling calling me out of control and unhinged. he was almost crying so i had to leave the office. he kept fighting with me til i decided to go stay with my mom. he started blaming me for ignoring his needs after he already expressed them and that he forgot to do what i asked him and i'd cost him so much. now us telling to come back home because he misses his daughter. [/INST] nta - dude was straight up neglecting his human child for some twitch viewers. if i ever caught my husband doing that, i'd be reevaluating the marriage; a child's well-being and safety should be his first priority, not worrying about his subscribers. (and before anyone tries it, he could have waited until op sat down with him and they mutually agreed upon a time when the baby'd be taken care of while he streamed for his mental health) (thanks for the award! also, no, it has not escaped my notice that this reply has more upvotes than op's husband has subscribers) </s>
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WIBTA if I wanted my sister's in-laws to get arrested?
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my sister (25) got married a year back and is living with her in-laws and in our tradition it is mandatory to give dowry to the husband's house, and ironically it is prohibited by law in our nation but still, people do it. some people do it for their daughter's wellness, and some genuinely want to do it.
my father did it for the prior reason plus my sis's in-laws demanded it. so well and so good but after getting married her in-laws started demanding more money and started accusing us that we have done nothing and bragged about their own daughter's wedding (which was in my opinion an empty brag) because my father did so muchhhh, he basically did everything while they wasted away to gossips.
the other thing is they don't even let my sister come visit and for the first six months of the marriage my sister was sobbing to no use. her husband is like a sponge, going in every direction and not supporting his own wife (which is another story).
one fine day, we invited them to our house as we had puja that day and surprisingly they came (cause they avoid coming here and don't let my sis or their son come... as i said), i didn't suspect anything at that time. after the puja, my sister went out to buy something with my other sister and the elders were in the living room while i was serving food.
the in-laws started asking for a house in my sister's name and money for buying a new one. my dad was very clear about transf3ring the property in his children's name after all of their marriage. but by then my sister's in-laws started shouting at the injustice of all (like they are entitled to my father's hard-earned money and house).
i got so angry and went outside before i let my mouth run. i, in general, don't tolerate gold diggers and money-minded people, and for them to ruin the auspicious day saddened both my parents. i wanted them gone the next second but controlled my damn mouth because i don't want gossip running around about my not-at-all-well-mannered mannerisms, because in the end, it will poke my parents' upbringing.
after they went down my sister cried to my father and followed them back to their house. it literally made me murderous. i hated seeing my sister cry. after a while, i wanted to beat myself because i wasted away a good opportunity to take a video of their demands.
i want them to get arrested for demanding dowry, which is strictly prohibited in our nation. but now after a few months, my sister started speaking less and less to us about her problems and stopped talking in general. and i so want to believe that the mental abuse has stopped but i know it hadn't.
wibta if i turn over my sister's in-laws to police for demanding dowry and mental cruelty?
| 210 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wu115g/wibta_if_i_wanted_my_sisters_inlaws_to_get/
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2022-08-21 14:33:03
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nta. she is being isolated and mentally abused.
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nta
laws are strict about dowry(if i am right about the country you live in).
i will say this "file a complaint"
your sister's partner and in laws will face serious jail time if they are reported.
and please do not send your sister back to her in law's place, it sounds a bit serious because if she is crying then she is being emotionally abused for not convincing your parents for more dowry.
your sister should stand up for herself and honestly, i know it's easier said than done. she needs to move to a different place with her husband. if he doesn't support her, file a complaint immediately with proofs such as texts, calls attached. if your sister was given gold and cash, try to recover it and save it. she needs to have a financial independence.
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nta but will reporting it actually help? sometimes these laws are on the books but not enforced, and you don't want to make things worse for her.
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nta. you care about your sister's wellbeing and i get that calling the police on them sounds like the best idea right now. but i would recommend you trying to talk to your sister first, maybe getting her opinion on her situation could help both of you come up with a better solution that wouldn't hurt your sister's life. i just feel like you're speaking out of anger and not thinking of the consequences.
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nta but op i believe you live in india as well. you know as well as me that police won't do much even with proof if the accused are influential. try to gather some kinda proof...audio or video recordings.
your sister hasn't stopped talking to you...she was made to. the more silent she is the more abuse she is enduring. hope to god this is not the case but it's what happens to the majority of women.
try to visit her house in the pretext of seeing your sister. they'll definitely run their mouth. try & record it and dont aggravate them too much to gather proof. if she's in a bad living situation please leave with her.
but before everything talk to your parents about this. make them understand that their daughter being alive loved & cared for is more important. because when shit hits the fan your parents support will be the most important for your sister.
hope for a positive update from you. good luck.
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nta
but her not talking about her problems means the abuse has escalated and she's being isolated from people who love and can help her.
help your sister op. she may even try to say they aren't abusing her (which is typical of victims), but don't give up on her.
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protip: 99.99999% of the replies here will have no understanding of your culture, ethics, or lifestyle. take reddit's advice with a giant grain of salt.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister (25) got married a year back and is living with her in-laws and in our tradition it is mandatory to give dowry to the husband's house, and ironically it is prohibited by law in our nation but still, people do it. some people do it for their daughter's wellness, and some genuinely want to do it. my father did it for the prior reason plus my sis's in-laws demanded it. so well and so good but after getting married her in-laws started demanding more money and started accusing us that we have done nothing and bragged about their own daughter's wedding (which was in my opinion an empty brag) because my father did so muchhhh, he basically did everything while they wasted away to gossips. the other thing is they don't even let my sister come visit and for the first six months of the marriage my sister was sobbing to no use. her husband is like a sponge, going in every direction and not supporting his own wife (which is another story). one fine day, we invited them to our house as we had puja that day and surprisingly they came (cause they avoid coming here and don't let my sis or their son come... as i said), i didn't suspect anything at that time. after the puja, my sister went out to buy something with my other sister and the elders were in the living room while i was serving food. the in-laws started asking for a house in my sister's name and money for buying a new one. my dad was very clear about transf3ring the property in his children's name after all of their marriage. but by then my sister's in-laws started shouting at the injustice of all (like they are entitled to my father's hard-earned money and house). i got so angry and went outside before i let my mouth run. i, in general, don't tolerate gold diggers and money-minded people, and for them to ruin the auspicious day saddened both my parents. i wanted them gone the next second but controlled my damn mouth because i don't want gossip running around about my not-at-all-well-mannered mannerisms, because in the end, it will poke my parents' upbringing. after they went down my sister cried to my father and followed them back to their house. it literally made me murderous. i hated seeing my sister cry. after a while, i wanted to beat myself because i wasted away a good opportunity to take a video of their demands. i want them to get arrested for demanding dowry, which is strictly prohibited in our nation. but now after a few months, my sister started speaking less and less to us about her problems and stopped talking in general. and i so want to believe that the mental abuse has stopped but i know it hadn't. wibta if i turn over my sister's in-laws to police for demanding dowry and mental cruelty?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister (25) got married a year back and is living with her in-laws and in our tradition it is mandatory to give dowry to the husband's house, and ironically it is prohibited by law in our nation but still, people do it. some people do it for their daughter's wellness, and some genuinely want to do it. my father did it for the prior reason plus my sis's in-laws demanded it. so well and so good but after getting married her in-laws started demanding more money and started accusing us that we have done nothing and bragged about their own daughter's wedding (which was in my opinion an empty brag) because my father did so muchhhh, he basically did everything while they wasted away to gossips. the other thing is they don't even let my sister come visit and for the first six months of the marriage my sister was sobbing to no use. her husband is like a sponge, going in every direction and not supporting his own wife (which is another story). one fine day, we invited them to our house as we had puja that day and surprisingly they came (cause they avoid coming here and don't let my sis or their son come... as i said), i didn't suspect anything at that time. after the puja, my sister went out to buy something with my other sister and the elders were in the living room while i was serving food. the in-laws started asking for a house in my sister's name and money for buying a new one. my dad was very clear about transf3ring the property in his children's name after all of their marriage. but by then my sister's in-laws started shouting at the injustice of all (like they are entitled to my father's hard-earned money and house). i got so angry and went outside before i let my mouth run. i, in general, don't tolerate gold diggers and money-minded people, and for them to ruin the auspicious day saddened both my parents. i wanted them gone the next second but controlled my damn mouth because i don't want gossip running around about my not-at-all-well-mannered mannerisms, because in the end, it will poke my parents' upbringing. after they went down my sister cried to my father and followed them back to their house. it literally made me murderous. i hated seeing my sister cry. after a while, i wanted to beat myself because i wasted away a good opportunity to take a video of their demands. i want them to get arrested for demanding dowry, which is strictly prohibited in our nation. but now after a few months, my sister started speaking less and less to us about her problems and stopped talking in general. and i so want to believe that the mental abuse has stopped but i know it hadn't. wibta if i turn over my sister's in-laws to police for demanding dowry and mental cruelty? [/INST] nta. she is being isolated and mentally abused. </s>
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AITA for disinviting a guest to my wedding
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for some context; we are getting married next month and the count is just under 150 at $200 per plate. in my culture, the bride’s parents pay for the wedding in its entirety.
to keep the budget low, my fiancé and i left people off the list that we would have wanted to come because the guest count was getting too high. also, we did not give most of the single guests a +1. to be honest, i didn’t want my parents to have to pay for random tinder dates that the single ones would have brought along. the only single guests that got a +1 were the ones that wouldn’t know anyone at the wedding.
one guest we invited is a family friend. we did not give them +1 because they (as far as we knew) were single and are a longtime family friend so they will know plenty of people at the wedding. we recently got back their rsvp card where they scratched out the “1” signifying the number of seats we were giving them and wrote in a “2” with a “please!? love ya!” written under it.
i told my parents, they laughed at the audacity, but ultimately have a “what can you do” attitude and included them in the count. i want to disinvite this guest’s +1. i feel like it’s rude to automatically assume we can accommodate extra guests, especially since we left people off to keep costs low. i feel like if they thought us giving them 1 invite instead of 2 was an oversight on our part, they should have called us to at least have a dialogue about it and see if we could accommodate instead of automatically assuming. am i being petty? aita for wanting to tell this person they get one invite only?
| 159 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d7l2ud/aita_for_disinviting_a_guest_to_my_wedding/
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2019-09-22 03:23:56
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nta. tell them you can't accommodate their guest. the way they wrote it indicates they knew they were asking a big favor.
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i think to be extra polite this guest needs to be included in the wedding, i.e. you should marry the guest as well as your fiance
it's only polite
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nta - people don't get to add extra uninvited guests to someone else's wedding. it's not just about cost, it's about respecting the time, effort and planning someone has gone into to make a formal wedding happen. this isn't someone's backyard bbq. (and even if the wedding is someone's backyard bbq, you don't get to add someone to the guest list unless you talk to the host first and get an okay.)
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$200 a plate?! is the food solid gold?
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nta you would be the ah if you don’t call them and ask for clarification. is the +1 someone they’ve been with for a while that y’all don’t know about? if that’s the case i would let it slide. but if they just want to bring an extra friend or like you said a tinder date you have to lay down the law. i do get where you’re coming from that’s a lot of money per plate and it’s kinda a dick move on their part but it honestly sounds like a miscommunication.
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nta - his date was not invited and he’s being extremely rude by changing his rsvp card to a 2.
you aren’t disinviting her as she was never invited, but i wouldn’t mind betting that when you tell your friend she can’t come he will probably decline (and if he’s that good a friend, he probably knows that your numbers are limited.
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nta when my friend got married, one of her mom’s church friends responded yes plus 17. the audacity. the mom had to call her up to let her know she can’t bring 17 people to her daughter’s wedding.
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info . i mean are you truly disuniting them or just denying the extra guest?
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nta: axe the uninvited guest.
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nta. that was really out of line of them. feel free to tell them you can’t accommodate a +1 for them due to numbers constraints.
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for some context; we are getting married next month and the count is just under 150 at $200 per plate. in my culture, the bride’s parents pay for the wedding in its entirety. to keep the budget low, my fiancé and i left people off the list that we would have wanted to come because the guest count was getting too high. also, we did not give most of the single guests a +1. to be honest, i didn’t want my parents to have to pay for random tinder dates that the single ones would have brought along. the only single guests that got a +1 were the ones that wouldn’t know anyone at the wedding. one guest we invited is a family friend. we did not give them +1 because they (as far as we knew) were single and are a longtime family friend so they will know plenty of people at the wedding. we recently got back their rsvp card where they scratched out the “1” signifying the number of seats we were giving them and wrote in a “2” with a “please!? love ya!” written under it. i told my parents, they laughed at the audacity, but ultimately have a “what can you do” attitude and included them in the count. i want to disinvite this guest’s +1. i feel like it’s rude to automatically assume we can accommodate extra guests, especially since we left people off to keep costs low. i feel like if they thought us giving them 1 invite instead of 2 was an oversight on our part, they should have called us to at least have a dialogue about it and see if we could accommodate instead of automatically assuming. am i being petty? aita for wanting to tell this person they get one invite only?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for some context; we are getting married next month and the count is just under 150 at $200 per plate. in my culture, the bride’s parents pay for the wedding in its entirety. to keep the budget low, my fiancé and i left people off the list that we would have wanted to come because the guest count was getting too high. also, we did not give most of the single guests a +1. to be honest, i didn’t want my parents to have to pay for random tinder dates that the single ones would have brought along. the only single guests that got a +1 were the ones that wouldn’t know anyone at the wedding. one guest we invited is a family friend. we did not give them +1 because they (as far as we knew) were single and are a longtime family friend so they will know plenty of people at the wedding. we recently got back their rsvp card where they scratched out the “1” signifying the number of seats we were giving them and wrote in a “2” with a “please!? love ya!” written under it. i told my parents, they laughed at the audacity, but ultimately have a “what can you do” attitude and included them in the count. i want to disinvite this guest’s +1. i feel like it’s rude to automatically assume we can accommodate extra guests, especially since we left people off to keep costs low. i feel like if they thought us giving them 1 invite instead of 2 was an oversight on our part, they should have called us to at least have a dialogue about it and see if we could accommodate instead of automatically assuming. am i being petty? aita for wanting to tell this person they get one invite only? [/INST] nta. tell them you can't accommodate their guest. the way they wrote it indicates they knew they were asking a big favor. </s>
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AITA for not speaking with most of my family after my wedding?
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so, a last year i married the woman i've been with for 12 years.
we were planning the event for a year or so, but due to covid we had to make major changes at last minute. one of these changes was making the entire event significantly shorter (around 3 hours total after the ceremony), giving up as little as possible on all the things planned: special gifts for our guests, dinner, fireworks, wedding dance, and a short party at the end.
the entire event had to be done outdoors, due our country's special law during the coronavirus outbreak.
my part of the family has the tradition on weddings of doing a suprise dance for the newlyweds. i assumed this would not be done on mine, for the lack of social distance. no problem with that.
days before the wedding, my sister in law calls me visibly nervous. apparently she was on a "secret whatsapp group" to coordinate our surprise, it was a recorded video of each one of them (separately) imitating a movie trailer. pretty cool stuff actually, but them all added up to almost an entire hour.
she told my family that we had very little time left for non-planned stuff, but my family decided to ignore her and go ahead calling our wedding planner to fit it on the plan. obviously, the wp told them that wasn't possible. a few hours before that, one of my cousins decides to bypass the wp and call me directly, telling me that the wp is too hard, the videos were a lot of work and we have to fit them on the wedding day.
my now wife and i agreed that it was impossible to fit them during the dinner (only part of the wedding indoors, with access to a tv or a projector), but we wanted to see them anyway, so i told my cousin to take the videos on a pendrive for us to see them the day after. she tells me this is gonna piss off a lot of family members that put their hard work on the videos and wanted to see our faces while we first see them.
i say we've been figuring out the wedding for months and their "surprise" were gonna force us to give up on most of our plans, since there is no time for everything. i am so sorry, but i must be firm on that.
things were calm for the few days left.
on the wedding day, i saw a few weird glares to me, and i overhear some mean comments (about my suit, the place, or the food). these things are pretty common so i decide to ignore them and continue to enjoy our day.
during our wedding dance, i noticed that my part of the family didn't approach us, and while everyone is hard partying, i decide to approach their table. i say on a playful tone: "hey! i thought you guys were more party-goers!". so my aunt coldly replies "and i thought you were more considerate / respectful" (not a perfect way to translate it from spanish).
that was the last time i spoke to any of them. a few whatsapps here and there for "happy birthdays" or so, and that's it. actually i don't want to speak with them. aita for taking all this too personal?
note: on the videos only appear my part of the family, not my wife's.
| 315 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q4mi6f/aita_for_not_speaking_with_most_of_my_family/
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2021-10-09 14:33:11
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nta. they made your wedding day about them.
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nta
wow is your family fully of entitled, selfish assholes.
they could have easily organized a zoom watching of the video after your honey moon. nope, they just wanted the spotlight.
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nta. they were trying to do something nice and uphold a tradition, but honestly they were told repeatedly that logistically there wasn’t enough time. they knew this in advance. this isn’t a talent show/movie premiere for them, it’s a wedding. if they were so invested they might asked to throw another party after your wedding/honeymoon where they could show the video, but sulking through your wedding was crappy and childish of them.
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that video was for them not you. lol otherwise they wouldn't be mad with your decision as long as you saw it. they wanted other people to see how much work they put in for you and to be the center of attention.
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nta.
weddings are long enough without including an hour video as a surprise, especially since it wouldn't even have been about you guys as a couple but mostly you.
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nta. your family tried to stomp all over your very reasonable boundaries with their overblown sense of entitlement.
what you could have done was let them play their video, but run it on fast forward. op to family - why are you so upset? i agreed to let you show your video. i did not agree to play it at normal speed. is it my fault that you were not more specific?
yes, i would have been that petty.
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nta. too many people seem to want to make a wedding about themselves instead of the couple. if the couple doesn't want it then they need to accept it can't be done. the ceremony is for the couple, not the family or guests. period.
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nta, they tried to make *your wedding* about how awesome *their gift* is and are punishing you for not letting everything revolve around them. they're the ones overreacting, not you.
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nta.
they were selfish and arrogant on your wedding day. they should be ignored until they apologize.
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[deleted]
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, a last year i married the woman i've been with for 12 years. we were planning the event for a year or so, but due to covid we had to make major changes at last minute. one of these changes was making the entire event significantly shorter (around 3 hours total after the ceremony), giving up as little as possible on all the things planned: special gifts for our guests, dinner, fireworks, wedding dance, and a short party at the end. the entire event had to be done outdoors, due our country's special law during the coronavirus outbreak. my part of the family has the tradition on weddings of doing a suprise dance for the newlyweds. i assumed this would not be done on mine, for the lack of social distance. no problem with that. days before the wedding, my sister in law calls me visibly nervous. apparently she was on a "secret whatsapp group" to coordinate our surprise, it was a recorded video of each one of them (separately) imitating a movie trailer. pretty cool stuff actually, but them all added up to almost an entire hour. she told my family that we had very little time left for non-planned stuff, but my family decided to ignore her and go ahead calling our wedding planner to fit it on the plan. obviously, the wp told them that wasn't possible. a few hours before that, one of my cousins decides to bypass the wp and call me directly, telling me that the wp is too hard, the videos were a lot of work and we have to fit them on the wedding day. my now wife and i agreed that it was impossible to fit them during the dinner (only part of the wedding indoors, with access to a tv or a projector), but we wanted to see them anyway, so i told my cousin to take the videos on a pendrive for us to see them the day after. she tells me this is gonna piss off a lot of family members that put their hard work on the videos and wanted to see our faces while we first see them. i say we've been figuring out the wedding for months and their "surprise" were gonna force us to give up on most of our plans, since there is no time for everything. i am so sorry, but i must be firm on that. things were calm for the few days left. on the wedding day, i saw a few weird glares to me, and i overhear some mean comments (about my suit, the place, or the food). these things are pretty common so i decide to ignore them and continue to enjoy our day. during our wedding dance, i noticed that my part of the family didn't approach us, and while everyone is hard partying, i decide to approach their table. i say on a playful tone: "hey! i thought you guys were more party-goers!". so my aunt coldly replies "and i thought you were more considerate / respectful" (not a perfect way to translate it from spanish). that was the last time i spoke to any of them. a few whatsapps here and there for "happy birthdays" or so, and that's it. actually i don't want to speak with them. aita for taking all this too personal? note: on the videos only appear my part of the family, not my wife's.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so, a last year i married the woman i've been with for 12 years. we were planning the event for a year or so, but due to covid we had to make major changes at last minute. one of these changes was making the entire event significantly shorter (around 3 hours total after the ceremony), giving up as little as possible on all the things planned: special gifts for our guests, dinner, fireworks, wedding dance, and a short party at the end. the entire event had to be done outdoors, due our country's special law during the coronavirus outbreak. my part of the family has the tradition on weddings of doing a suprise dance for the newlyweds. i assumed this would not be done on mine, for the lack of social distance. no problem with that. days before the wedding, my sister in law calls me visibly nervous. apparently she was on a "secret whatsapp group" to coordinate our surprise, it was a recorded video of each one of them (separately) imitating a movie trailer. pretty cool stuff actually, but them all added up to almost an entire hour. she told my family that we had very little time left for non-planned stuff, but my family decided to ignore her and go ahead calling our wedding planner to fit it on the plan. obviously, the wp told them that wasn't possible. a few hours before that, one of my cousins decides to bypass the wp and call me directly, telling me that the wp is too hard, the videos were a lot of work and we have to fit them on the wedding day. my now wife and i agreed that it was impossible to fit them during the dinner (only part of the wedding indoors, with access to a tv or a projector), but we wanted to see them anyway, so i told my cousin to take the videos on a pendrive for us to see them the day after. she tells me this is gonna piss off a lot of family members that put their hard work on the videos and wanted to see our faces while we first see them. i say we've been figuring out the wedding for months and their "surprise" were gonna force us to give up on most of our plans, since there is no time for everything. i am so sorry, but i must be firm on that. things were calm for the few days left. on the wedding day, i saw a few weird glares to me, and i overhear some mean comments (about my suit, the place, or the food). these things are pretty common so i decide to ignore them and continue to enjoy our day. during our wedding dance, i noticed that my part of the family didn't approach us, and while everyone is hard partying, i decide to approach their table. i say on a playful tone: "hey! i thought you guys were more party-goers!". so my aunt coldly replies "and i thought you were more considerate / respectful" (not a perfect way to translate it from spanish). that was the last time i spoke to any of them. a few whatsapps here and there for "happy birthdays" or so, and that's it. actually i don't want to speak with them. aita for taking all this too personal? note: on the videos only appear my part of the family, not my wife's. [/INST] nta. they made your wedding day about them. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to name my daughter something that's a rude word in my language? (slightly NSFW but not really)
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i (30f) and my husband (37m) are expecting our first child. we've just found out that it's going to be a girl and so we've started discussing potential names. my husband and i are from different countries with different languages. we both speak each other's languages and we live in my husband's country.
when we found out we were having a girl, my husband said he'd like us to name her after his grandmother who passed away recently and who he was extremely close to. i think this is very, very sweet idea, and i would have no problem with it were it not for the fact that, to put it bluntly, her name in my language means female genitalia.
in his country, that association doesn't exist at all, it's just a pretty name, and he feels that because we live in his country, there's no issue with our daughter being called that. on the other hand, i'm extremely, *extremely* reluctant to call her it knowing what it means in my country. it'll be embarrassing for her to introduce herself with that name when we visit, and if we ever moved back (we're not planning to, but you never know) and she had to attend school there, she'd definitely be bullied for it.
we've argued about it a bit and neither of us want to back down. i suggested we use it as a middle name, but he really wants to honour his grandmother by using it as a first name. i suggested we change the name slightly to make it a name that exists in my country, while still being very similar to his grandma's name, but he thinks that's not the same. eventually, my husband accused me of being embarrassed by his culture, which isn't true, i'm in love with his culture and i think the name is very pretty, it's just that i know our daughter will visit my country too and she'll have such a hard time there with that name.
am i being the arsehole to insist we use it as a middle name or change it slightly?
| 11,493 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u8jshh/aita_for_not_wanting_to_name_my_daughter/
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2022-04-21 09:44:32
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nta
fanny is an absolutely terrible name …. its time has passed even here in the us where it doesn’t mean pussy.
in the us, it is slang for butt, but a mild, almost child-like word for butt.
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nta.
is the name perhaps fanny?
perfectly fine name in sweden, but with two different meanings in uk and usa english.
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parents are willing to "honour their dead" by fucking their kids. when out in public call him ballsack and when he complains, cus he will, tell him you are honouring were he came from. nta.
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nta- this would be the hill i would die on. she is a child of both cultures and he can't make 1/2 of her disappear. i am going to guess she will learn both languages. he seems to think she will never know or be bothered by it because she is being raised in his country. but she will be learning both languages.
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**nta**
your husband needs to understand that when your daughter visits her mother’s country in the future , it would not be good to have a name that would embarrass her.
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couldn't you call her tiffany? it's not my favorite name but it is a thing and she can go by tiff rather than fanny. i'm an american, but i still know what it means in commonwealth countries and brits spread their shit too far to avoid. your husband is being deliberately obtuse.
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nta
do not name your poor child fanny.
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nta. it's a good place to be firm- as another commenter said, he's trying to erase half her culture.
additionally, why is he acting like he has exclusive naming rights for the first name right now? you're the one whose body is changing, who is growing the child, and will have to go through the pain of delivery (and just statistically i'm assuming she'll have his last name). he should be the one looking for compromises here, not you.
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nta.
for the love of god, do not let your husband name your child fanny. do not do this. show him this whole comment section if you must. she will be laughed at in school every day of her life.
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nta
he won't have to deal with the blowback she will get.
i'd check what his grandmother's name was in full. was it fanny, frances, francesca, stephanie (which got shortened to fanny). that way if your daughter has the full name that is still honoring his grandma but your daughter gets to choose her own nickname (ie fanny, franny, fran).
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (30f) and my husband (37m) are expecting our first child. we've just found out that it's going to be a girl and so we've started discussing potential names. my husband and i are from different countries with different languages. we both speak each other's languages and we live in my husband's country. when we found out we were having a girl, my husband said he'd like us to name her after his grandmother who passed away recently and who he was extremely close to. i think this is very, very sweet idea, and i would have no problem with it were it not for the fact that, to put it bluntly, her name in my language means female genitalia. in his country, that association doesn't exist at all, it's just a pretty name, and he feels that because we live in his country, there's no issue with our daughter being called that. on the other hand, i'm extremely, *extremely* reluctant to call her it knowing what it means in my country. it'll be embarrassing for her to introduce herself with that name when we visit, and if we ever moved back (we're not planning to, but you never know) and she had to attend school there, she'd definitely be bullied for it. we've argued about it a bit and neither of us want to back down. i suggested we use it as a middle name, but he really wants to honour his grandmother by using it as a first name. i suggested we change the name slightly to make it a name that exists in my country, while still being very similar to his grandma's name, but he thinks that's not the same. eventually, my husband accused me of being embarrassed by his culture, which isn't true, i'm in love with his culture and i think the name is very pretty, it's just that i know our daughter will visit my country too and she'll have such a hard time there with that name. am i being the arsehole to insist we use it as a middle name or change it slightly?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (30f) and my husband (37m) are expecting our first child. we've just found out that it's going to be a girl and so we've started discussing potential names. my husband and i are from different countries with different languages. we both speak each other's languages and we live in my husband's country. when we found out we were having a girl, my husband said he'd like us to name her after his grandmother who passed away recently and who he was extremely close to. i think this is very, very sweet idea, and i would have no problem with it were it not for the fact that, to put it bluntly, her name in my language means female genitalia. in his country, that association doesn't exist at all, it's just a pretty name, and he feels that because we live in his country, there's no issue with our daughter being called that. on the other hand, i'm extremely, *extremely* reluctant to call her it knowing what it means in my country. it'll be embarrassing for her to introduce herself with that name when we visit, and if we ever moved back (we're not planning to, but you never know) and she had to attend school there, she'd definitely be bullied for it. we've argued about it a bit and neither of us want to back down. i suggested we use it as a middle name, but he really wants to honour his grandmother by using it as a first name. i suggested we change the name slightly to make it a name that exists in my country, while still being very similar to his grandma's name, but he thinks that's not the same. eventually, my husband accused me of being embarrassed by his culture, which isn't true, i'm in love with his culture and i think the name is very pretty, it's just that i know our daughter will visit my country too and she'll have such a hard time there with that name. am i being the arsehole to insist we use it as a middle name or change it slightly? [/INST] nta fanny is an absolutely terrible name …. its time has passed even here in the us where it doesn’t mean pussy. in the us, it is slang for butt, but a mild, almost child-like word for butt. </s>
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AITA for Refusing to Walk Through Metal Detector Until My Bin was in the X-Ray Machine?
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yesterday, i (m46) was going through security at universal orlando with my daughter (f14) and her bestie (f15). we followed the instructions and loaded all of our pocket contents into a shared bin. with three iphones and wallets, we had well over $3,000 of stuff in the bin.
i have learned from airport security not to enter the metal detector until your bin is in the x-ray machine to keep it under my control and to prevent pilfering. i sent the young ladies through the metal detector, and i waited with the bin. the security guard motioned for me to step through, and i told her that i was waiting for my bin to enter the machine. she became agitated and told me to "just step through the metal detector - your stuff would be fine." the belt wasn't moving, so neither was i, saying i would step through when my stuff moved into the machine. once my bin entered the machine, i stepped through the metal detector, and she began to lecture me saying, among other things, "we're just like the guards at the courthouse." i told her that i follow the same procedure at the courthouse without incident and that the security there is managed by deputy sheriffs, not private security, so not the same. i won't apologize for protecting my group's valuables.
the delay in me going through the metal detector was probably 30-60 seconds. there was sufficient room for anyone to go around me to enter the metal detector (we were at the station at the far end).
aita for refusing to follow the security guard's instruction?
| 2,027 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dk45aw/aita_for_refusing_to_walk_through_metal_detector/
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2019-10-19 14:01:28
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nta, but you basically said she can’t be trusted and some people take offense to that. that said, it’s silly for her to complain because she’s making you go through an x-ray machine because the public can’t be trusted not to hurt people.
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to all of you talking about being detained and tsa, read again. universal orlando is not an airport. it’s a theme park.
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nta if you had 3k worth of stuff waiting an extra 60 seconds to make sure its loaded in the xray intact is not unreasonable.
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lol what a dumb person. "im a complete stranger in a non-government laborers uniform, why arent you putting $3000 dollars worth of trust in me." nta
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nta since you were happy to let the line move around you.
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nta, unless you were implying that the security people were planning to steal from you which would be mildly offensive to them (though not like it’s beyond the realms of possibility).
the way i read it was that you wanted to make sure no other random members of the public stole your stuff, while you were waiting for it to go into the machine and that seems eminently sensible to me.
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nta. also, from orlando- those security guards at universal and disney are closer to mall cops than a sheriff.
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nah. i probably would have done the same thing, it's smart to stay by your belongings and you weren't doing it to be a pain in the ass or anything, just to protect your things.
at the same time, it's her job to keep the line moving and she was trying to do that. i know you said people could go around you, but presumably they had stuff in bins and such too, so getting everyone out of order could cause delays and confusion itself. i don't know that park's exact setup but i know a lot of places with that type of security try to keep people moving forward in roughly the same order as their bins. she probably could have been nicer about it, but it doesn't sound like she was too bad.
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info:
would you have been able to see the bin with your belongings from the other side of the metal detector?
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nta.
i almost got my stuff stolen at disney land security at the enterence. going through with two young children (one in a pram) with autism. the child not in the parm had an outburst. took my eyes off the bags for less than a minute. lifted the nappy back, picnic bag, spare clothes bag, and the entertainment bag. one was definitely missing. but in my frazzled state i moved along with wth queue.
before i had even realised fully that it was missing an out of breath security man was tapping my shoulder trying to give me my handbag. he saw the bag being lifted by some else in the queue and he bolted. i didn't notice it. 3 security men did, they chased him caught him and give me back my bag. after that i looked it up on a disney park face book page. it's common- only a few manage to get their bags back.
i was very very lucky. but i don't even think god himself coming doing from the sky would distract me from watching my bags before and after it's in the machine.
it does not make you an asshole. it makes you cautious.
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.009259 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: yesterday, i (m46) was going through security at universal orlando with my daughter (f14) and her bestie (f15). we followed the instructions and loaded all of our pocket contents into a shared bin. with three iphones and wallets, we had well over $3,000 of stuff in the bin. i have learned from airport security not to enter the metal detector until your bin is in the x-ray machine to keep it under my control and to prevent pilfering. i sent the young ladies through the metal detector, and i waited with the bin. the security guard motioned for me to step through, and i told her that i was waiting for my bin to enter the machine. she became agitated and told me to "just step through the metal detector - your stuff would be fine." the belt wasn't moving, so neither was i, saying i would step through when my stuff moved into the machine. once my bin entered the machine, i stepped through the metal detector, and she began to lecture me saying, among other things, "we're just like the guards at the courthouse." i told her that i follow the same procedure at the courthouse without incident and that the security there is managed by deputy sheriffs, not private security, so not the same. i won't apologize for protecting my group's valuables. the delay in me going through the metal detector was probably 30-60 seconds. there was sufficient room for anyone to go around me to enter the metal detector (we were at the station at the far end). aita for refusing to follow the security guard's instruction?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
yesterday, i (m46) was going through security at universal orlando with my daughter (f14) and her bestie (f15). we followed the instructions and loaded all of our pocket contents into a shared bin. with three iphones and wallets, we had well over $3,000 of stuff in the bin. i have learned from airport security not to enter the metal detector until your bin is in the x-ray machine to keep it under my control and to prevent pilfering. i sent the young ladies through the metal detector, and i waited with the bin. the security guard motioned for me to step through, and i told her that i was waiting for my bin to enter the machine. she became agitated and told me to "just step through the metal detector - your stuff would be fine." the belt wasn't moving, so neither was i, saying i would step through when my stuff moved into the machine. once my bin entered the machine, i stepped through the metal detector, and she began to lecture me saying, among other things, "we're just like the guards at the courthouse." i told her that i follow the same procedure at the courthouse without incident and that the security there is managed by deputy sheriffs, not private security, so not the same. i won't apologize for protecting my group's valuables. the delay in me going through the metal detector was probably 30-60 seconds. there was sufficient room for anyone to go around me to enter the metal detector (we were at the station at the far end). aita for refusing to follow the security guard's instruction? [/INST] nta, but you basically said she can’t be trusted and some people take offense to that. that said, it’s silly for her to complain because she’s making you go through an x-ray machine because the public can’t be trusted not to hurt people. </s>
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AITA for not supporting my nephew's cringy TikToks?
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lately my sister-in-law has been sending me and my husband her son's (16m) tiktoks and asking us to follow him and tell him how proud we are of him.
first of all, neither of us have tiktok accounts and don't want them. second of all, her son is the epitome of arrogant e-boy, posting shirtless "boyfriend" role plays and "what girls want" advice that honestly make me embarrassed for him.
after several polite "no thank you"s, she asked us why we didn't want to support her son's "creative endeavors" and i kind of snapped, telling her that the tiktoks were cringe and i cannot stand the kind of content he posts. she got really pissed and then told her son that he had an unsupportive aunt and uncle.
i feel kind of bad because he is only a teenager and i didnt know she was going to tell him, but i cannot force myself to compliment borderline misogynistic content just to be "supportive."
am i the asshole here?
| 2,401 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hsxzbg/aita_for_not_supporting_my_nephews_cringy_tiktoks/
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2020-07-17 15:45:21
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nta. nobody’s aunt and uncle are out commenting “we’re so proud of you” on their tik toks, that is so lame lol. does your nephew know his parents were whoring his tik toks out?
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nta. it's inappropriate for you to follow him if he's making thirst traps. you didn't snap at the kid himself and you were driven to snap at the parents due to their own persistence. the parents telling the son was their own ah move. i'm sure the boy doesn't want you following either.
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nta. sil sounds like a narcissist raising a narcissist.
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nta
with the internet we've got blogs, streamers, tiktok's, etc. i like this twist on a famous quote:
> never before have so many, with so little to say, said so much, to so few.
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nta but i'm sure there were better ways you could have approached the situation. perhaps after things cool down you guys can have a quality discussion
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as a parent and aunt, i’m normally put in odd situations with boundaries that make things awkward. what i’m talking about is the obligatory fund raiser email. “my kid’s selling —-, will you purchase?” as a parent, it sucks to send it out. as an aunt who is poor and doesn’t need $5 a roll wrapping paper, it sucks to receive. normal people send out the email knowing it sucks all around and never mention it again- great if people buy but no big deal if they don’t. long stupid story, but my point is there are guidelines for selling on the behalf of your child, and your sil ignored those guidelines in an attempt to “sell” her kid’s tiktok. you snapped because how dumb can she be? nta, you tried to be polite and she was too stupid to take the hint.
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nta but i have an important question regarding your nephews videos. is he doing a daddy daughter pov to the song dissolve posted from the account sunrisemusic? ik that’s a lot to say, but there’s been an issue on tiktok regarding these povs. essentially, they’re boys pretending to have sex with their wife and their daughter walks in on them. it’s disgusting to see. it’s always a daughter. she’s always a little kid. please tell me he isn’t doing those videos, and if he is please make him delete them. they’re disgusting and triggering people. the creator of the song (not sunrisemusic) has come out and told them to stop because they’re so gross, but the boys refuse to delete the videos
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nta, tiktok is cringe
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nta. fuck tiktok. sil sounds pretty weird.
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nta. you were initially polite and refused, she continued to push so you had no reason to not tell her the truth. also, she has no right telling you what you can and can't do, what apps you can and can not install etc.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: lately my sister-in-law has been sending me and my husband her son's (16m) tiktoks and asking us to follow him and tell him how proud we are of him. first of all, neither of us have tiktok accounts and don't want them. second of all, her son is the epitome of arrogant e-boy, posting shirtless "boyfriend" role plays and "what girls want" advice that honestly make me embarrassed for him. after several polite "no thank you"s, she asked us why we didn't want to support her son's "creative endeavors" and i kind of snapped, telling her that the tiktoks were cringe and i cannot stand the kind of content he posts. she got really pissed and then told her son that he had an unsupportive aunt and uncle. i feel kind of bad because he is only a teenager and i didnt know she was going to tell him, but i cannot force myself to compliment borderline misogynistic content just to be "supportive." am i the asshole here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
lately my sister-in-law has been sending me and my husband her son's (16m) tiktoks and asking us to follow him and tell him how proud we are of him. first of all, neither of us have tiktok accounts and don't want them. second of all, her son is the epitome of arrogant e-boy, posting shirtless "boyfriend" role plays and "what girls want" advice that honestly make me embarrassed for him. after several polite "no thank you"s, she asked us why we didn't want to support her son's "creative endeavors" and i kind of snapped, telling her that the tiktoks were cringe and i cannot stand the kind of content he posts. she got really pissed and then told her son that he had an unsupportive aunt and uncle. i feel kind of bad because he is only a teenager and i didnt know she was going to tell him, but i cannot force myself to compliment borderline misogynistic content just to be "supportive." am i the asshole here? [/INST] nta. nobody’s aunt and uncle are out commenting “we’re so proud of you” on their tik toks, that is so lame lol. does your nephew know his parents were whoring his tik toks out? </s>
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AITA for letting him and his guy friend be stranded in another city and refusing to pay for their plane tickets to get home?
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my fiance (33/m) has a guy best friend that he's known for 16 years!. he's cancer and is terminal. my fiance wanted to take him on a vacation for a couple of days and begged me to basically fund it. i refused although i felt incredibly guilty after he made me feel bad about it for days!
eventually, he was able to borrow money to go on the vacation. they went and spent 2 days at a sports city. when it was time to return, he called me asking me to pay for their plane tickets to get home. i was taken aback i asked why i should pay and he said because they ran out of money and didn't put any aside to get home. i refused and told him it wasn't my problem he didn't save money for the return flight. he started arguing with me saying i can't let them be stranded in another city when i have the means to help, especially after i refused to help fund the vacation. i said no and that he needed to deal with it on his own. he didn't stop texting me trying to get me to pay. he and his friend had to eventually return by road and it took them 8+ hrs.
he came home and blew up saying i let them be stranded in snother city and refused to help although i had money to pay for their plane tickets. he said that by "forcing" them to travel by road, i had caused his friend unnecesary exhaustion and turmoil. he called me every name under the sun and said i had no empthay for his friend and that i'd tainted the memories of this vacation.
aita? he's still mad at me and says he's in shock by the way i behaved in this situation and lack of empathy i'd displayed.
i need to mention something as a number of people have been asking about it. my fiance is unemployed that's why he could not afford the vacation although it wasn't expensive. i'm the one working. money is tight and yes, paying for the ticket would have strapped me financially since i'm paying for everything.
| 9,257 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yn7ak1/aita_for_letting_him_and_his_guy_friend_be/
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2022-11-05 21:48:04
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nta
you can't seriously still be planning to marry this guy.
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info
why didn’t he book round trip tickets? they are cheaper than two one way tickets.
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you should… reconsider.. marriage plans.
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nta, you’re not the make a wish foundation. if your husband wants to help his friend enjoy his time left then he needs to fund it and if he can’t then he needs to find things to do that he can afford, it’s not your problem nor your friend.
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nta. who leaves for two day trip without funds/plans for the return?? oh, right, the plan was to manipulate you into paying. he thought he had it covered.
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nta. please don’t expect him to change when you marry him though because he won’t. do you really want to marry someone this irresponsible? you will constantly get blamed for every problem that he has created. you will always be the responsible one while he does whatever. do you want to have to have that role for the rest of your life?
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nta but why do y’all on aita date such trash men?
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nta. he 100% planned this. you need to break it off, this is a not so nice sneak peek at your life if you marry him.
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wow, nta but he sure is. does he normally have money or are you planning to support him through the duration of your marriage?
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sigh.
this story is a macy's parade full of red flags. nta, but you certainly will be if you spend one more minute with this guy.
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my fiance (33/m) has a guy best friend that he's known for 16 years!. he's cancer and is terminal. my fiance wanted to take him on a vacation for a couple of days and begged me to basically fund it. i refused although i felt incredibly guilty after he made me feel bad about it for days! eventually, he was able to borrow money to go on the vacation. they went and spent 2 days at a sports city. when it was time to return, he called me asking me to pay for their plane tickets to get home. i was taken aback i asked why i should pay and he said because they ran out of money and didn't put any aside to get home. i refused and told him it wasn't my problem he didn't save money for the return flight. he started arguing with me saying i can't let them be stranded in another city when i have the means to help, especially after i refused to help fund the vacation. i said no and that he needed to deal with it on his own. he didn't stop texting me trying to get me to pay. he and his friend had to eventually return by road and it took them 8+ hrs. he came home and blew up saying i let them be stranded in snother city and refused to help although i had money to pay for their plane tickets. he said that by "forcing" them to travel by road, i had caused his friend unnecesary exhaustion and turmoil. he called me every name under the sun and said i had no empthay for his friend and that i'd tainted the memories of this vacation. aita? he's still mad at me and says he's in shock by the way i behaved in this situation and lack of empathy i'd displayed. i need to mention something as a number of people have been asking about it. my fiance is unemployed that's why he could not afford the vacation although it wasn't expensive. i'm the one working. money is tight and yes, paying for the ticket would have strapped me financially since i'm paying for everything.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my fiance (33/m) has a guy best friend that he's known for 16 years!. he's cancer and is terminal. my fiance wanted to take him on a vacation for a couple of days and begged me to basically fund it. i refused although i felt incredibly guilty after he made me feel bad about it for days! eventually, he was able to borrow money to go on the vacation. they went and spent 2 days at a sports city. when it was time to return, he called me asking me to pay for their plane tickets to get home. i was taken aback i asked why i should pay and he said because they ran out of money and didn't put any aside to get home. i refused and told him it wasn't my problem he didn't save money for the return flight. he started arguing with me saying i can't let them be stranded in another city when i have the means to help, especially after i refused to help fund the vacation. i said no and that he needed to deal with it on his own. he didn't stop texting me trying to get me to pay. he and his friend had to eventually return by road and it took them 8+ hrs. he came home and blew up saying i let them be stranded in snother city and refused to help although i had money to pay for their plane tickets. he said that by "forcing" them to travel by road, i had caused his friend unnecesary exhaustion and turmoil. he called me every name under the sun and said i had no empthay for his friend and that i'd tainted the memories of this vacation. aita? he's still mad at me and says he's in shock by the way i behaved in this situation and lack of empathy i'd displayed. i need to mention something as a number of people have been asking about it. my fiance is unemployed that's why he could not afford the vacation although it wasn't expensive. i'm the one working. money is tight and yes, paying for the ticket would have strapped me financially since i'm paying for everything. [/INST] nta you can't seriously still be planning to marry this guy. </s>
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AITA for telling my sister it's not my fault she can't stop eating?
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anna 26f and i 27f both had our first baby may of this year. she had a boy and i had a girl. 2 months after giving birth i started working out and watching what i eat to get my pre pregnancy body. i was blessed enough to have a supportive husband who agreed to only eat sweets and fatty food when i'm not around. my sister on the other hand struggled to lose weight. and she's started to criticize me for going to the gym. she said new moms should prioritize their babies more than themselves.
last week we had a family bbq. when we arrived, my brothers commented on my weight loss and asked how i managed to get in shape again. i shared to them my diet and workout routine. anna made a snide comment saying i am not looking after my daughter well. i just ignored her comment and proceeded to say hi to my baby nephew.
during mealtime, anna said something along the lines of "my poor niece is not getting nutritious breast milk because her mom is so selfish by only eating salad." i saw my husband's reaction and i can tell he's holding his anger in, i squeezed his hand and told anna that i also eat meat and other nutritious food so she has nothing to worry about. she replied with "whatever, you are putting yourself first by being vain instead of taking care of your daughter". this time i admit i got pissed so i told her to stop body shaming me and it's not my fault that she can't stop eating. she left the table and my comment made everything awkward throughout the bbq. mom said i never should've been so harsh to my sister because she's obviously insecure. i should've just ignored her. on the drive home my husband said what i did was warranted and he would have said something worse if my sister continued shaming me.
my bil said i made anna more insecure and i need to apologize to her for being harsh. aita? will i be an asshole if i don't apologize?
| 4,378 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pkmf1c/aita_for_telling_my_sister_its_not_my_fault_she/
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2021-09-09 00:05:03
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nta "not be so harsh"? she keeps insinuating to people that your are a terrible parent and you are the harsh one lmfaooo
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nta so she can dish it out but she can’t take it back? hypocrite. i’m amazed you held it in for so long op! congrats on the baby!
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nta. your sister is insanely jealous of you and instead of talking through her feelings with you in private she decided to try to embarrass you in the public sphere of your entire family. i probably would have said worse tbh
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nta. honestly, the whole thing surrounding losing weight after having a baby is already loaded enough, your sister didn't have to keep mentioning it. these are her insecurities, and although she's completely justified in having them, she doesn't have to antagonize you because of them.
don't dish what you can't take.
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nta
your sister is a bully and jealous of you.
you have nothing to apologise for. if anything, she should apologise to you.
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nta. first of all, your baby isn’t suffering in any way whatsoever. you can be malnourished and your body will continue to feed your baby what it needs! (obviously not ideal, because the mother will suffer, but baby will be fine!)
second, she had it coming.
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nta.
will she apologize for body shaming you? for the nasty comments about your care for your daughter?
in my country we have a saying "speak what you want, hear what you don't want". that's what's happened with your sister.
that being said, talk with your mother, tell her how you felt with your sister's comments, explain that you've already ignored some comments, but enough is enough. just because she's insecure doesn't mean she can put you down, that's bullying.
and make yourself available to share your training routine and food planning.
|
esh
i don't know why reddit is constantly okay with "but she started it" as an excuse to be a dick. you learn this shit as a kid. grow up.
did your comment make things better or worse?
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esh - your sister is an asshole for making snide comments about you and your baby just because she's insecure and you're an asshole for body shaming her after having a baby and being in a vulnerable state - very hypocritical of you, yikes
have a long honest conversation and apologize to each other - you're sisters not competitors
you dont have to "bounce back" but you shouldn't critique people who work out after pregnancy and you dont have to lose the weight and then shit on other people
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esh you're all petty
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
| 0.139196 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: anna 26f and i 27f both had our first baby may of this year. she had a boy and i had a girl. 2 months after giving birth i started working out and watching what i eat to get my pre pregnancy body. i was blessed enough to have a supportive husband who agreed to only eat sweets and fatty food when i'm not around. my sister on the other hand struggled to lose weight. and she's started to criticize me for going to the gym. she said new moms should prioritize their babies more than themselves. last week we had a family bbq. when we arrived, my brothers commented on my weight loss and asked how i managed to get in shape again. i shared to them my diet and workout routine. anna made a snide comment saying i am not looking after my daughter well. i just ignored her comment and proceeded to say hi to my baby nephew. during mealtime, anna said something along the lines of "my poor niece is not getting nutritious breast milk because her mom is so selfish by only eating salad." i saw my husband's reaction and i can tell he's holding his anger in, i squeezed his hand and told anna that i also eat meat and other nutritious food so she has nothing to worry about. she replied with "whatever, you are putting yourself first by being vain instead of taking care of your daughter". this time i admit i got pissed so i told her to stop body shaming me and it's not my fault that she can't stop eating. she left the table and my comment made everything awkward throughout the bbq. mom said i never should've been so harsh to my sister because she's obviously insecure. i should've just ignored her. on the drive home my husband said what i did was warranted and he would have said something worse if my sister continued shaming me. my bil said i made anna more insecure and i need to apologize to her for being harsh. aita? will i be an asshole if i don't apologize?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
anna 26f and i 27f both had our first baby may of this year. she had a boy and i had a girl. 2 months after giving birth i started working out and watching what i eat to get my pre pregnancy body. i was blessed enough to have a supportive husband who agreed to only eat sweets and fatty food when i'm not around. my sister on the other hand struggled to lose weight. and she's started to criticize me for going to the gym. she said new moms should prioritize their babies more than themselves. last week we had a family bbq. when we arrived, my brothers commented on my weight loss and asked how i managed to get in shape again. i shared to them my diet and workout routine. anna made a snide comment saying i am not looking after my daughter well. i just ignored her comment and proceeded to say hi to my baby nephew. during mealtime, anna said something along the lines of "my poor niece is not getting nutritious breast milk because her mom is so selfish by only eating salad." i saw my husband's reaction and i can tell he's holding his anger in, i squeezed his hand and told anna that i also eat meat and other nutritious food so she has nothing to worry about. she replied with "whatever, you are putting yourself first by being vain instead of taking care of your daughter". this time i admit i got pissed so i told her to stop body shaming me and it's not my fault that she can't stop eating. she left the table and my comment made everything awkward throughout the bbq. mom said i never should've been so harsh to my sister because she's obviously insecure. i should've just ignored her. on the drive home my husband said what i did was warranted and he would have said something worse if my sister continued shaming me. my bil said i made anna more insecure and i need to apologize to her for being harsh. aita? will i be an asshole if i don't apologize? [/INST] nta "not be so harsh"? she keeps insinuating to people that your are a terrible parent and you are the harsh one lmfaooo </s>
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AITA for scaring my SIL with a cardboard cutout of The Rock?
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my (32f) sil(43f) is super nosey. it's come up before, but she's one of those people that will just deny something to the death, no matter how much proof you have, and then get angry at you for not believing her.
at my house, the guest bathroom is partially shared with the master bedroom. (the toilet and sink are separate for guests, and then through a door you can get to the shower, our closets, and another sink, then through an additional door is the bedroom ... if that makes any sense). basically, you can get into our bedroom through the bathroom without going through the main door.
so, when she comes over, she would sometimes take just a bit too long in the bathroom. during maybe the 3rd or 4th time, i happened to be walking by the bathroom and heard 2 doors close. i asked her if she'd was looking for something in the bedroom, and if i could help her find it. she replied with "no, why would i go in your bedroom?" and then changed the subject.
the next time she was going to come over, i set something small behind the bedroom door, so i could see if it had been opened by the small item being pushed back. later, i could see that it had been. so, for me, confirming that she had been snooping again. i asked directly if she'd been in our bedroom, and she said something like "i don't care what's in your bedroom, get over yourself."
so yesterday, sil and bil came over. but before that, i ordered a full sized cutout of dwayne johnson, which i placed in our bedroom, facing the bathroom door.
about an hour into the visit, she heads into the bathroom. very shortly after, there's a scream, a thud, and a door slam.
she came out, clearly angry. she'd been quite startled and slammed her upper arm into the door frame while turning away from the cutout. bil made it worse be asking "well why were you in their bedroom?"
but she didn't answer, and they left.
she's posted on facebook that she has a big bruise on her arm, as a result of my "nasty prank." people are saying she could have been hurt worse and that she's too old to be the victim of a childish prank.
i feel badly that she was hurt. it wasn't my intention. but i might be the asshole because i still think it was hilarious.
| 9,748 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w79uy4/aita_for_scaring_my_sil_with_a_cardboard_cutout/
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2022-07-25 00:01:03
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nta and honestly, kind of hilarious.
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nta
it was hilarious. hey, you had two break-ins to your bedroom, so you got the rock to provide security. he caught the offender. end of problem.
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nta, and i'm just petty enough to reply on her post " i'm so sorry that you were hurt and startled unintentionally. i didn't think to warn you about the cutout as i had it stored out of the way in my bedroom." then let her friends put the pieces together.
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nta and since halloween stuff is starting in the stores, now’s the perfect time to purchase a motion activated witch that will cackle the next time. maybe buy a door that locks from your bedroom side so she can’t snoop. it’s disrespectful and bad behavior for a guest.
eta wow y’all, thanks for the award and all the upvotes!
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nta! she totally deserved whatever she got. edit for added opinion- i would put the details of what happened as a comment on her post
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nta-she smelled what the rock was cooking.
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nta. that’s absolutely hilarious. she was invading your privacy and hopefully you taught her a lesson. did you ever find out why she was going in there? was she snooping? looking for something specific?
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nta. glad bil asked why she was in your bedroom in the first place. a little extra embarrassment can’t hurt.
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nta she should not be snooping. you asked her several times and she kept looking. i hope she fears a surprise every time she opens a door she has no business opening! i thought it was great!
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nta: why not comment going it wasn’t a prank it was in your bedroom which she had no reason to go in.
and also kinda want to see what the cutout looks like.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (32f) sil(43f) is super nosey. it's come up before, but she's one of those people that will just deny something to the death, no matter how much proof you have, and then get angry at you for not believing her. at my house, the guest bathroom is partially shared with the master bedroom. (the toilet and sink are separate for guests, and then through a door you can get to the shower, our closets, and another sink, then through an additional door is the bedroom ... if that makes any sense). basically, you can get into our bedroom through the bathroom without going through the main door. so, when she comes over, she would sometimes take just a bit too long in the bathroom. during maybe the 3rd or 4th time, i happened to be walking by the bathroom and heard 2 doors close. i asked her if she'd was looking for something in the bedroom, and if i could help her find it. she replied with "no, why would i go in your bedroom?" and then changed the subject. the next time she was going to come over, i set something small behind the bedroom door, so i could see if it had been opened by the small item being pushed back. later, i could see that it had been. so, for me, confirming that she had been snooping again. i asked directly if she'd been in our bedroom, and she said something like "i don't care what's in your bedroom, get over yourself." so yesterday, sil and bil came over. but before that, i ordered a full sized cutout of dwayne johnson, which i placed in our bedroom, facing the bathroom door. about an hour into the visit, she heads into the bathroom. very shortly after, there's a scream, a thud, and a door slam. she came out, clearly angry. she'd been quite startled and slammed her upper arm into the door frame while turning away from the cutout. bil made it worse be asking "well why were you in their bedroom?" but she didn't answer, and they left. she's posted on facebook that she has a big bruise on her arm, as a result of my "nasty prank." people are saying she could have been hurt worse and that she's too old to be the victim of a childish prank. i feel badly that she was hurt. it wasn't my intention. but i might be the asshole because i still think it was hilarious.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (32f) sil(43f) is super nosey. it's come up before, but she's one of those people that will just deny something to the death, no matter how much proof you have, and then get angry at you for not believing her. at my house, the guest bathroom is partially shared with the master bedroom. (the toilet and sink are separate for guests, and then through a door you can get to the shower, our closets, and another sink, then through an additional door is the bedroom ... if that makes any sense). basically, you can get into our bedroom through the bathroom without going through the main door. so, when she comes over, she would sometimes take just a bit too long in the bathroom. during maybe the 3rd or 4th time, i happened to be walking by the bathroom and heard 2 doors close. i asked her if she'd was looking for something in the bedroom, and if i could help her find it. she replied with "no, why would i go in your bedroom?" and then changed the subject. the next time she was going to come over, i set something small behind the bedroom door, so i could see if it had been opened by the small item being pushed back. later, i could see that it had been. so, for me, confirming that she had been snooping again. i asked directly if she'd been in our bedroom, and she said something like "i don't care what's in your bedroom, get over yourself." so yesterday, sil and bil came over. but before that, i ordered a full sized cutout of dwayne johnson, which i placed in our bedroom, facing the bathroom door. about an hour into the visit, she heads into the bathroom. very shortly after, there's a scream, a thud, and a door slam. she came out, clearly angry. she'd been quite startled and slammed her upper arm into the door frame while turning away from the cutout. bil made it worse be asking "well why were you in their bedroom?" but she didn't answer, and they left. she's posted on facebook that she has a big bruise on her arm, as a result of my "nasty prank." people are saying she could have been hurt worse and that she's too old to be the victim of a childish prank. i feel badly that she was hurt. it wasn't my intention. but i might be the asshole because i still think it was hilarious. [/INST] nta and honestly, kind of hilarious. </s>
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AITA for telling a woman that she doesn't have a right to complain that things are hard for her when she has it the easiest out of everyone in our group.
|
my daughter (8) has cancer. the hospital that she goes to has a group for kids with cancer so they could meet kids like them. the parents all get along great and we help each other out and can vent about our struggles.
this little girl, sadie (9), and her mom, lisa, recently joined the group. sadie had cancer when she was younger and it recently came back. the chemo didn't work so sadie and lisa moved here for an experimental treatment.
lately lisa's been complaining about her husband and other kids living across the country and that she feels like a single parent now and misses her other kids. the thing is lisa and her husband are rich. lisa's husband bought them an $800k 5 bedroom house down the street from the hospital, sadie's treatment is free, lisa doesn't work, and sadie has a part time nanny. the rest of us work and are struggling to pay the bills and for our kids treatments.
lisa was complaining again the other day and i told her that she doesn't have a right to complain when her biggest problem, besides having a sick kid, is that her house is too big or that she has to watch her own kid because her nanny canceled.
lisa and i got into an argument and the group is divided over who they think was wrong so i wanted to know if i was the asshole.
| 4,119 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/suwhl9/aita_for_telling_a_woman_that_she_doesnt_have_a/
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2022-02-17 19:02:21
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yta. so did playing the “i have it worse than you” game treat your daughters cancer? no? then it shouldn’t have been said. what a disgusting argument to make.
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yta
i’m truly sorry to hear about your daughter, however, this woman is living without the emotional support of her husband, has no friends in a neighborhood she just moved to, and the one place she felt safe enough to vent her frustrations in she was just attacked by you. for what? jealousy over her house? everybody has their own problems, and you have no right to diminish her problems like that.
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her kid has cancer and the rest of her family are on the other side of the country. she has every right to complain. it's not a fucking competition.
&#x200b;
yta.
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yta. all her money hasn’t prevented her kid from getting cancer. twice. she’s going through the same thing every other parent there is, with the same fears.
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yta - her having money and buying a house close to the hospital does not, in any way, shape or form, negate the effects of having a child in the hospital fighting a potentially terminal illness... money does not make that any less stressful, nor does it make the mom any less lonely and homesick it does not make her miss her husband and other children any less.
the idea that her stress, fear, and worries are somehow less than yours because she is wealthy is no different than when someone makes a statement like "well, just use your insurance, it'll pay for everything" without stopping to consider that not all insurance is alike, and many people don't have insurance.
she came to the group for support and sympathy and reassurance, just as you did, and she deserves the same respect that you would expect others to give to you.
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yta
how would you feel if i told you that you have no right to complain because your kid is at least still sick, while other people's kids have passed away? because apparently nobody has a right to complain as long as there is someone else in the world who has it slightly worse.
her daughter has cancer. for the second time. at age nine.
do better.
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info: if you had $billions in the bank, would you somehow be happier and less distraught about your child’s cancer. it’s ok - because regardless of how you answer that question, yta!
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yta and you sound insanely jealous of lisa's financial status. you both have children with cancer and that's horrible - i hope they both get better. it's 100% valid of lisa to be sad that she's away from her husband & other kids thousands of miles away from her. sadie is seeking experimental treatment... that's code for very likely to die & she needs a miracle. how could you gaslight her mom like that?
why are you causing such drama in a support group that is just setup to help others?
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"lisa was complaining again the other day and i told her that she doesn't have a right to complain when her biggest problem, besides having a sick kid, is that her house is too big or that she has to watch her own kid because her nanny canceled."
**yta. if you didn't have anything nice to say you shouldn't have said anything to her. you could have been more polite but decided to be completely rude instead. everyone has struggles. just because a person is "rich" doesn't mean they don't have it better or worse. you don't know what they are going through. so stop being so judgmental.**
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you don’t get to gatekeep suffering and you’re ta for trying.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter (8) has cancer. the hospital that she goes to has a group for kids with cancer so they could meet kids like them. the parents all get along great and we help each other out and can vent about our struggles. this little girl, sadie (9), and her mom, lisa, recently joined the group. sadie had cancer when she was younger and it recently came back. the chemo didn't work so sadie and lisa moved here for an experimental treatment. lately lisa's been complaining about her husband and other kids living across the country and that she feels like a single parent now and misses her other kids. the thing is lisa and her husband are rich. lisa's husband bought them an $800k 5 bedroom house down the street from the hospital, sadie's treatment is free, lisa doesn't work, and sadie has a part time nanny. the rest of us work and are struggling to pay the bills and for our kids treatments. lisa was complaining again the other day and i told her that she doesn't have a right to complain when her biggest problem, besides having a sick kid, is that her house is too big or that she has to watch her own kid because her nanny canceled. lisa and i got into an argument and the group is divided over who they think was wrong so i wanted to know if i was the asshole.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter (8) has cancer. the hospital that she goes to has a group for kids with cancer so they could meet kids like them. the parents all get along great and we help each other out and can vent about our struggles. this little girl, sadie (9), and her mom, lisa, recently joined the group. sadie had cancer when she was younger and it recently came back. the chemo didn't work so sadie and lisa moved here for an experimental treatment. lately lisa's been complaining about her husband and other kids living across the country and that she feels like a single parent now and misses her other kids. the thing is lisa and her husband are rich. lisa's husband bought them an $800k 5 bedroom house down the street from the hospital, sadie's treatment is free, lisa doesn't work, and sadie has a part time nanny. the rest of us work and are struggling to pay the bills and for our kids treatments. lisa was complaining again the other day and i told her that she doesn't have a right to complain when her biggest problem, besides having a sick kid, is that her house is too big or that she has to watch her own kid because her nanny canceled. lisa and i got into an argument and the group is divided over who they think was wrong so i wanted to know if i was the asshole. [/INST] yta. so did playing the “i have it worse than you” game treat your daughters cancer? no? then it shouldn’t have been said. what a disgusting argument to make. </s>
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AITA for demanding an apology from a minister for performing a religious wedding ceremony?
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my now-husband wanted a particular minister to perform our wedding ceremony. he's an old family friend (his family, not mine), and apparently one who is sorta famous and well-respected in his community. i am a staunch atheist and did not want a religious ceremony. husband and i met with the minister, who said he could totally perform a non-religious ceremony if we wanted one, and reassured me that he would not use any explicitly religious language.
so we have the wedding rehearsal and his overview of the ceremony is totally fine, nothing religious or otherwise objectionable on my part. he gave us a detailed preview of his speech, which was also fine. i relaxed.
then at the actual wedding ... he not only peppers his speech with stuff about jesus and god's love and "this blessed holy union," but also ends with "let us pray" and recites the lord's prayer. i was turning purple with rage, but didn't say anything because i was in front of all of our guests and didn't want to turn our wedding into a fiasco.
several months after the wedding, i still wasn't over it and decided to write an email to the minister. the email read along the lines of: i asked you not to do a religious ceremony, you said you could accommodate my wishes, and you didn't. you misled me during rehearsal and made me think you would be able to perform a secular ceremony, but switched gears when i was in a situation where i couldn't protest. i deserve an apology from you. (i also said that husband's family had nothing to do with the email and so i hoped this wouldn't affect his relationship with them, but that i personally felt \[xyz\].)
my family thinks i am the asshole because i unreasonably expected a minister to deliver a non-religious ceremony. i think my husband is at least upset at losing his relationship with his childhood minister. he also seemed a bit incredulous when i said i was emailing the dude and asking for an apology.
your thoughts?
**\*edit here so as not to repeat myself: i am not just atheist, i am anti-religious institutions because i was abused as a child in church (yes by ministers, youth ministers, sunday school teachers, etc.). i told this minister all about my experiences and told him that was why i really really reeeeally could not deal with a religious ceremony. he said he understood, and said he would not even mention anything religious. not saying this to garner pity votes, but it might be important info for some**
**\*why thanks for the silver! it's my first and i am honored!**
| 3,112 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cl4urc/aita_for_demanding_an_apology_from_a_minister_for/
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2019-08-02 14:29:47
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nta
&#x200b;
he's a giant asshole who lied to you and owes an apology. its not like you sent it to the newspaper.
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nta - it was your wedding, not the minister's. if he didn't want to deliver a non-sectarian wedding, he could have declined and it would have been the end of it. instead he lied, took your money, and gave you exactly what you said you didn't want. fuck that guy.
&#x200b;
don't expect an apology, btw. he probably thinks he did you a favor by making sure your union was blessed by "god."
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nta. in the end he was a man there to do a specific ceremony the way you wanted it. he didn't and you called him out on it.
i don't know if you had to pay your minister, or if it was a family favour, but personally if i'd paid for my minister to perform the wedding a certain way and they didn't, i'd be demanding a refund pretty damn quick.
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nta. he literally made it seem like it would be non-religious and then did a 180 and made it religious. i would be pretty angry too. as for your in-laws and your husband, it's pretty assholish of them to think of their friendship of the priest first before your feelings. it was your wedding and the priest had no right to deceive you like that on your day. i hope you get your apology.
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nta. the minister deceived you about how the ceremony was to be performed. this would be no different than if you were promised a catholic ceremony and the priest switched to a traditional jewish ceremony on the day of the wedding.
you have a right to be upset, but my advice is that you have said your piece and i would say to let it go.
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nta i absolutely would have stopped in the middle of the ceremony and demanded he stop. that was so incredibly rude and disrespectful of your wishes.
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absolutely nta but a warning to anybody out there considering getting a secular ceremony from a religious minister, i've seen/heard this story and variations on it a dozen times. you will be screwed over like op was here. if you want a secular wedding, get a secular celebrant.
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nta. he had one job to do and he failed miserably at it.
like, if his job was to make you a sandwich and you ordered a grilled reuben but he ends up handing you half a peanut butter with no jelly. technically it’s a sandwich that you can survive on. but you requested and paid for a grilled reuben.
so yeah, fuck that guy. your husband’s family doesn’t know what a good friend acts like if they consider this a good friend.
is your husband’s family religious? do you think they could’ve gone behind your back and asked him to perform the religious version?
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nta. i think the minister was completely in the wrong for misleading you, but i personally don't see what you have to gain from making a big deal about it now. it's done. it's shit that he did that at your wedding, but only you can decide if it is worth upsetting your husband and his family about this. i would try and focus on the marriage, not the wedding.
would it be out of the question to have a secular blessing of some sort at your 1 yr anniversary to make up for it?
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nta. that was a deeply inappropriate thing for him to do and i admire your restraint! i think you should write the letter, put it away for a few days, read it over, and then decide whether you need to send it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my now-husband wanted a particular minister to perform our wedding ceremony. he's an old family friend (his family, not mine), and apparently one who is sorta famous and well-respected in his community. i am a staunch atheist and did not want a religious ceremony. husband and i met with the minister, who said he could totally perform a non-religious ceremony if we wanted one, and reassured me that he would not use any explicitly religious language. so we have the wedding rehearsal and his overview of the ceremony is totally fine, nothing religious or otherwise objectionable on my part. he gave us a detailed preview of his speech, which was also fine. i relaxed. then at the actual wedding ... he not only peppers his speech with stuff about jesus and god's love and "this blessed holy union," but also ends with "let us pray" and recites the lord's prayer. i was turning purple with rage, but didn't say anything because i was in front of all of our guests and didn't want to turn our wedding into a fiasco. several months after the wedding, i still wasn't over it and decided to write an email to the minister. the email read along the lines of: i asked you not to do a religious ceremony, you said you could accommodate my wishes, and you didn't. you misled me during rehearsal and made me think you would be able to perform a secular ceremony, but switched gears when i was in a situation where i couldn't protest. i deserve an apology from you. (i also said that husband's family had nothing to do with the email and so i hoped this wouldn't affect his relationship with them, but that i personally felt \[xyz\].) my family thinks i am the asshole because i unreasonably expected a minister to deliver a non-religious ceremony. i think my husband is at least upset at losing his relationship with his childhood minister. he also seemed a bit incredulous when i said i was emailing the dude and asking for an apology. your thoughts? **\*edit here so as not to repeat myself: i am not just atheist, i am anti-religious institutions because i was abused as a child in church (yes by ministers, youth ministers, sunday school teachers, etc.). i told this minister all about my experiences and told him that was why i really really reeeeally could not deal with a religious ceremony. he said he understood, and said he would not even mention anything religious. not saying this to garner pity votes, but it might be important info for some** **\*why thanks for the silver! it's my first and i am honored!**
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my now-husband wanted a particular minister to perform our wedding ceremony. he's an old family friend (his family, not mine), and apparently one who is sorta famous and well-respected in his community. i am a staunch atheist and did not want a religious ceremony. husband and i met with the minister, who said he could totally perform a non-religious ceremony if we wanted one, and reassured me that he would not use any explicitly religious language. so we have the wedding rehearsal and his overview of the ceremony is totally fine, nothing religious or otherwise objectionable on my part. he gave us a detailed preview of his speech, which was also fine. i relaxed. then at the actual wedding ... he not only peppers his speech with stuff about jesus and god's love and "this blessed holy union," but also ends with "let us pray" and recites the lord's prayer. i was turning purple with rage, but didn't say anything because i was in front of all of our guests and didn't want to turn our wedding into a fiasco. several months after the wedding, i still wasn't over it and decided to write an email to the minister. the email read along the lines of: i asked you not to do a religious ceremony, you said you could accommodate my wishes, and you didn't. you misled me during rehearsal and made me think you would be able to perform a secular ceremony, but switched gears when i was in a situation where i couldn't protest. i deserve an apology from you. (i also said that husband's family had nothing to do with the email and so i hoped this wouldn't affect his relationship with them, but that i personally felt \[xyz\].) my family thinks i am the asshole because i unreasonably expected a minister to deliver a non-religious ceremony. i think my husband is at least upset at losing his relationship with his childhood minister. he also seemed a bit incredulous when i said i was emailing the dude and asking for an apology. your thoughts? **\*edit here so as not to repeat myself: i am not just atheist, i am anti-religious institutions because i was abused as a child in church (yes by ministers, youth ministers, sunday school teachers, etc.). i told this minister all about my experiences and told him that was why i really really reeeeally could not deal with a religious ceremony. he said he understood, and said he would not even mention anything religious. not saying this to garner pity votes, but it might be important info for some** **\*why thanks for the silver! it's my first and i am honored!** [/INST] nta &#x200b; he's a giant asshole who lied to you and owes an apology. its not like you sent it to the newspaper. </s>
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AITA for getting my sister expelled from school
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i (14m) recently got my twin sister (14f) expelled from school after reporting her for the bullying she did. i don’t think i did anything wrong and my grandpa (72m) is on my side but parents (40m and 40f) think i betrayed sister.
my sister has never been the nicest person, she got in trouble for bullying in elementary school and earlier in middle school, has gotten detention and iss before, but this is the worst punishment she’s gotten so far. she can be mean to our siblings and cousins to if she wants to. we are in 8th grade now.
a few weeks ago, i was playing basketball outside during lunch (which we’re allowed to do), me and my friends were having a good time when we saw a boy crying on the grass, me and my friends went to see what was wrong. this boy was telling us about how he was being bullied by a group of kids for being “preppy” (posts skincare routines on tiktok, starbucks iced coffee, generally seen as a more feminine male aesthetic), kids were calling him gay and the f slur when he’s not gay. we told him we thought he was cool, he started discussing skincare and fashion with us, we don’t know much about it so me and my friends were trying to talk about nike and stuff about fashion we did know (mostly sports stuff), and he actually knew quite a bit about it, said he’s started taking courses at a local college about fashion history, he’s also in 8th grade like us.
after we calmed him down, we asked him if he wanted to play ball with us and we were amazed at how good he was, he said he’s not really into sports but he was so naturally good, had us playing our hardest and scored against a few of us when playing in teams, we encouraged him to potentially try out for the team in high school and he said he’d consider it.
over the few weeks, we’ve started to hang out with him more and more, we were at the park playing with him and he dropped his phone, one of my friends picked it up and unintentionally opened up the messages on instagram since he got a notification for it, he saw someone text him homophobic stuff, the boy noticed my sister was one of the kids sending him the messages, we told him it wasn’t ok and that we’d go to ap with him. my sister and her friends was called into the office and they all got in a bunch of trouble, it was her, 3 other girls and 2 other boys, one of which is her boyfriend. my sister was the ringleader and the cruelest, so she got the harshest punishment and was expelled.
my mother and father said i shouldn’t have gone to ap and instead talked to them, my grandfather has a different perspective since he was involved in progressive activist groups in his teen years and college years, and while he’s straight, he saw his gay friends get bullied and was horrified about what she was doing, even though it was to a straight boy. my sister is calling me an asshole, a snitch and says she hates me, my friends are reassuring me we did the right thing.
| 14,820 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tydxyi/aita_for_getting_my_sister_expelled_from_school/
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2022-04-07 14:10:54
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nta i think you did your sister a long term favor. if she never has any consequences how will she learn? if your parents always coddle those behaviors she won't see a reason to change. even now, it seems like she has no regard for the person she hurt. she's only mad that she is in trouble. you did the right thing.
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nta. maybe some day your sister will stop her bullying. she deserves every day that she was expelled. your parents should be dealing with her too. sister didn’t start bullying in a vacuum.
i’m sure that all the people she has bullied, are relieved to see her gone. i hope your parents are overseeing her electronics, if they haven’t removed them.
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nta - your sister sucks and she should be punished. betrayal? how about she learns how to be a decent human being?? sounds like she's only mad because she got caught and is in trouble. does she show any remorse to the person she hurt?
your sister has been doing this a long time and she hasn't changed. your parents obviously didn't solve anything from the past, so what good would it do to just tell them anyway? stand proud for what you did. we need more people like you in the world.
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you and your friends are good kids. you saw someone hurting and offered them comfort. you validated him for who he is. you saw a situation that was too big for you to handle and turned to the adults in your life that you felt could/would help.
nta. i'm very, very proud of you. and i hope your sister learns from your example.
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your sister is mad at you and calling you a snitch? maybe she shouldn't have been a bully!
nta
also, huge props to your and your friends for not only talking to him but including him in your group even though he has different interests. not everyone at your age would do that.
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nta
thank you for being a good person and standing up against your sister! if she doesn’t learn now that there are consequences to your actions then when will she?
i’m wondering what your parents would have done if you’d have told them, because clearly it’s a pattern and they aware of it but not attempting to rectify the behaviour.
good for you op you could have saved someone’s life.
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nta
it's fantastic that you and your friends stand up for others and don't tolerate homophobic slurs. your parents should be **proud** to have raised someone so kind, their loss that they're not.
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nta. tell me if i'm missing something- even if *you* hadn't gone to admin, the rest of the group would have, and the outcome would be the same. right? end of conversation, imo.
i think you're correct morally, as well, but from a simple, practical point of view, it doesn't even make sense to be mad at you in the first place. idk how to say it without using a legal term, but you are not the [cause-in-fact ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/proximate_cause)of her expulsion.
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nta what were your parents going to do if you had gone to them first?
they know that your sister has had a problem being a bullying and they obviously haven't handled it successfully. that failure has consequences.
your sister has had several chances to learn that bullying is wrong but instead her response is to harass you. honestly, i'd lean towards asking if you can stay elsewhere until mom and dad figure out how to parent their other child.
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nta.
you didn’t make her bully the boy, post hateful comments, or otherwise cause harm. she did that all on her own and it’s about time someone stopped her. your parents should be trying to figure out what they did wrong to have let her behavior become so bad instead of blaming you for standing up for someone else. your sister would have had to face consequences for her actions sooner or later—better now while she’s young than later on when it might be too late for her to change.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (14m) recently got my twin sister (14f) expelled from school after reporting her for the bullying she did. i don’t think i did anything wrong and my grandpa (72m) is on my side but parents (40m and 40f) think i betrayed sister. my sister has never been the nicest person, she got in trouble for bullying in elementary school and earlier in middle school, has gotten detention and iss before, but this is the worst punishment she’s gotten so far. she can be mean to our siblings and cousins to if she wants to. we are in 8th grade now. a few weeks ago, i was playing basketball outside during lunch (which we’re allowed to do), me and my friends were having a good time when we saw a boy crying on the grass, me and my friends went to see what was wrong. this boy was telling us about how he was being bullied by a group of kids for being “preppy” (posts skincare routines on tiktok, starbucks iced coffee, generally seen as a more feminine male aesthetic), kids were calling him gay and the f slur when he’s not gay. we told him we thought he was cool, he started discussing skincare and fashion with us, we don’t know much about it so me and my friends were trying to talk about nike and stuff about fashion we did know (mostly sports stuff), and he actually knew quite a bit about it, said he’s started taking courses at a local college about fashion history, he’s also in 8th grade like us. after we calmed him down, we asked him if he wanted to play ball with us and we were amazed at how good he was, he said he’s not really into sports but he was so naturally good, had us playing our hardest and scored against a few of us when playing in teams, we encouraged him to potentially try out for the team in high school and he said he’d consider it. over the few weeks, we’ve started to hang out with him more and more, we were at the park playing with him and he dropped his phone, one of my friends picked it up and unintentionally opened up the messages on instagram since he got a notification for it, he saw someone text him homophobic stuff, the boy noticed my sister was one of the kids sending him the messages, we told him it wasn’t ok and that we’d go to ap with him. my sister and her friends was called into the office and they all got in a bunch of trouble, it was her, 3 other girls and 2 other boys, one of which is her boyfriend. my sister was the ringleader and the cruelest, so she got the harshest punishment and was expelled. my mother and father said i shouldn’t have gone to ap and instead talked to them, my grandfather has a different perspective since he was involved in progressive activist groups in his teen years and college years, and while he’s straight, he saw his gay friends get bullied and was horrified about what she was doing, even though it was to a straight boy. my sister is calling me an asshole, a snitch and says she hates me, my friends are reassuring me we did the right thing.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (14m) recently got my twin sister (14f) expelled from school after reporting her for the bullying she did. i don’t think i did anything wrong and my grandpa (72m) is on my side but parents (40m and 40f) think i betrayed sister. my sister has never been the nicest person, she got in trouble for bullying in elementary school and earlier in middle school, has gotten detention and iss before, but this is the worst punishment she’s gotten so far. she can be mean to our siblings and cousins to if she wants to. we are in 8th grade now. a few weeks ago, i was playing basketball outside during lunch (which we’re allowed to do), me and my friends were having a good time when we saw a boy crying on the grass, me and my friends went to see what was wrong. this boy was telling us about how he was being bullied by a group of kids for being “preppy” (posts skincare routines on tiktok, starbucks iced coffee, generally seen as a more feminine male aesthetic), kids were calling him gay and the f slur when he’s not gay. we told him we thought he was cool, he started discussing skincare and fashion with us, we don’t know much about it so me and my friends were trying to talk about nike and stuff about fashion we did know (mostly sports stuff), and he actually knew quite a bit about it, said he’s started taking courses at a local college about fashion history, he’s also in 8th grade like us. after we calmed him down, we asked him if he wanted to play ball with us and we were amazed at how good he was, he said he’s not really into sports but he was so naturally good, had us playing our hardest and scored against a few of us when playing in teams, we encouraged him to potentially try out for the team in high school and he said he’d consider it. over the few weeks, we’ve started to hang out with him more and more, we were at the park playing with him and he dropped his phone, one of my friends picked it up and unintentionally opened up the messages on instagram since he got a notification for it, he saw someone text him homophobic stuff, the boy noticed my sister was one of the kids sending him the messages, we told him it wasn’t ok and that we’d go to ap with him. my sister and her friends was called into the office and they all got in a bunch of trouble, it was her, 3 other girls and 2 other boys, one of which is her boyfriend. my sister was the ringleader and the cruelest, so she got the harshest punishment and was expelled. my mother and father said i shouldn’t have gone to ap and instead talked to them, my grandfather has a different perspective since he was involved in progressive activist groups in his teen years and college years, and while he’s straight, he saw his gay friends get bullied and was horrified about what she was doing, even though it was to a straight boy. my sister is calling me an asshole, a snitch and says she hates me, my friends are reassuring me we did the right thing. [/INST] nta i think you did your sister a long term favor. if she never has any consequences how will she learn? if your parents always coddle those behaviors she won't see a reason to change. even now, it seems like she has no regard for the person she hurt. she's only mad that she is in trouble. you did the right thing. </s>
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AITA for feeding my Muslim friend pork without his knowledge?
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first id like to defend myself by saying my friend is not a traditional muslim. he smokes, drinks, does plenty of drugs, engages in premarital sex with his girlfriend, cheats on his girlfriend (with tons of prostitues), steals water from the supermarket by cleverly placing the bottles on the bottom of the shopping cart then conveniently forgetting to pay for it during check out, and never prays. one day i asked him if he could tell me the 5 pillars of islam and he struggled with 4 -couldn’t quite tell me the fifth one. so i wouldn’t say he’s religious. but eating pork is kind of where he draws the line. when i offer food like bbq ribs, or pepperoni pizza he always says “ na i’m muslim.”
the other day he came to my house and just finished smoking all my weed. he asked me if i had any food. i responded “it’s ramadan you should be fasting anyways” he responds “fuck you bitch” and opens my fridge. he grabs some left over kolaches , microwaves them and goes to town. i knew they had pork in them all along but waited for him to finish them. once he finished eating i told him “those kolaches had pork in them” while my chuckling turned into violent coughing.
he got so upset and was calling me a total asshole. i responded “ you just smoked all my weed and i feed you food how am i the asshole? “
aita?
edit : reddit has spoken and i guess i’m the asshole. but to clarify my relationship with my friend. we’ve been friends for a long time. we always bust each other’s balls. he goes through my fridge and i go through his. he smokes my weed like it’s his and i drink his beer like it’s mine. we constantly pull pranks on each other. there will be times when i’m passed out at his place and i’ll wake up with his ass directly in my face while other friends film it. we’re both assholes.
| 285 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bqi49y/aita_for_feeding_my_muslim_friend_pork_without/
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2019-05-19 15:21:38
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yta. it's not your job to tell someone how too conduct their religion. stop getring pissed they aren't doing it properly. that is **absolutely** not your place.
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esh, you're friend shouldn't grab stuff without asking if he has dietary restrictions. thats like someone with a food allergy doing the same thing. his fault for not asking. you could have refrained from laughing and just explained to him where he went wrong.
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yta. the religious aspect doesn't even matter here; even if he wasn't religious, if he said he didn't want to eat a food and you purposefully waited until he'd finished eating something which had that food in it, you'd be ta too.
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esh- hear me out, i see where a lot of you are coming from and i get it, the title is very clickbate-y. here's my take. the op obviously doesn't think very highly of his friend (i mean look how he describes him) but that isn't what this post is about. he is ta because he knew the food had pork in it and didn't try to warn his "friend". that's very, very disrespectful. on the other side though, his friend is a hypocrite, but more than that, he went digging through op's fridge without permission, took whatever food pleased him, heated it up, and ate it without any care about what might be in it. pork has a certain taste and texture, it's pretty easy to tell if something has pork in it, so either he didn't care and ate it anyways, or he was too high to notice but didn't care that there might /possibly/ be pork in it, knowing that op eats and enjoys pork then got absolutely pissed when op pointed out that, yes, there was pork in that.
tldr- op should have told him beforehand and shouldn't have laughed at him.
the "friend" should have asked before just digging through op's fridge and grabbing whatever he wanted.
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fuck it, nta, what you did might be wrong, but he's the one who stole your food, and it's laughable that the one muslim thing he does is not eat pork when he's literally been smoking weed the same day
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nta he is doesn't religious at all it's like the people who don't eat gluten because it's fashion
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nta - he didn't ask you to eat the food and didn't ask if there was even pork in it, your title is misleading as you didn't even feed them, they fed themselves pork
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nta that’s not even being insensitive cause he’s barely muslim. he won’t even do ramadan and doesn’t even know the 5 pillars of islam. he also didn’t even ask so why should that matter, what’s one more thing he does that he isn’t supposed to do.
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nta, but only because he didn't ask if they had pork in them. tbh, though, his line is his line and you should respect that.
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nta he's enough of an adult that if he doesn't want to eat pork he should ask before he eats someone else's food. you had no obligation to tell him it had pork in it, he was irresponsible. could you have told him? sure, but i don't think you're an asshole because you didn't.
might want to reevaluate this friendship though. doesn't seem like there's much mutual respect.
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.427172 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: first id like to defend myself by saying my friend is not a traditional muslim. he smokes, drinks, does plenty of drugs, engages in premarital sex with his girlfriend, cheats on his girlfriend (with tons of prostitues), steals water from the supermarket by cleverly placing the bottles on the bottom of the shopping cart then conveniently forgetting to pay for it during check out, and never prays. one day i asked him if he could tell me the 5 pillars of islam and he struggled with 4 -couldn’t quite tell me the fifth one. so i wouldn’t say he’s religious. but eating pork is kind of where he draws the line. when i offer food like bbq ribs, or pepperoni pizza he always says “ na i’m muslim.” the other day he came to my house and just finished smoking all my weed. he asked me if i had any food. i responded “it’s ramadan you should be fasting anyways” he responds “fuck you bitch” and opens my fridge. he grabs some left over kolaches , microwaves them and goes to town. i knew they had pork in them all along but waited for him to finish them. once he finished eating i told him “those kolaches had pork in them” while my chuckling turned into violent coughing. he got so upset and was calling me a total asshole. i responded “ you just smoked all my weed and i feed you food how am i the asshole? “ aita? edit : reddit has spoken and i guess i’m the asshole. but to clarify my relationship with my friend. we’ve been friends for a long time. we always bust each other’s balls. he goes through my fridge and i go through his. he smokes my weed like it’s his and i drink his beer like it’s mine. we constantly pull pranks on each other. there will be times when i’m passed out at his place and i’ll wake up with his ass directly in my face while other friends film it. we’re both assholes.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
first id like to defend myself by saying my friend is not a traditional muslim. he smokes, drinks, does plenty of drugs, engages in premarital sex with his girlfriend, cheats on his girlfriend (with tons of prostitues), steals water from the supermarket by cleverly placing the bottles on the bottom of the shopping cart then conveniently forgetting to pay for it during check out, and never prays. one day i asked him if he could tell me the 5 pillars of islam and he struggled with 4 -couldn’t quite tell me the fifth one. so i wouldn’t say he’s religious. but eating pork is kind of where he draws the line. when i offer food like bbq ribs, or pepperoni pizza he always says “ na i’m muslim.” the other day he came to my house and just finished smoking all my weed. he asked me if i had any food. i responded “it’s ramadan you should be fasting anyways” he responds “fuck you bitch” and opens my fridge. he grabs some left over kolaches , microwaves them and goes to town. i knew they had pork in them all along but waited for him to finish them. once he finished eating i told him “those kolaches had pork in them” while my chuckling turned into violent coughing. he got so upset and was calling me a total asshole. i responded “ you just smoked all my weed and i feed you food how am i the asshole? “ aita? edit : reddit has spoken and i guess i’m the asshole. but to clarify my relationship with my friend. we’ve been friends for a long time. we always bust each other’s balls. he goes through my fridge and i go through his. he smokes my weed like it’s his and i drink his beer like it’s mine. we constantly pull pranks on each other. there will be times when i’m passed out at his place and i’ll wake up with his ass directly in my face while other friends film it. we’re both assholes. [/INST] yta. it's not your job to tell someone how too conduct their religion. stop getring pissed they aren't doing it properly. that is **absolutely** not your place. </s>
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AITA for subscribing to my(36M) co workers (27F) onlyfans?
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okay so i work at a local restaurant and i (36m) have a co worker (27f) who has an onlyfans and she has never really kept that fact a secret. she tries to get the other hostess to start doing it for a while. so this past week i guess some there was some news on of saying they were gonna shut down the sexually explicit stuff so she was more vocal about onlyfans stuff at work than usual. i overheard that she goes by her first name on onlyfans which is pretty unique.
out of curiosity i did a search for her name and was able to find it and i subbed. i don't know how she found out, like if they can see subscribers names or something but the today she asked me if i subbed to her of and i was like yeah. she told me that's not cool and i am invading her privacy. i'm like okay i can cancel my sub. then she tells me to delete any pics and videos i saved. and i was like no i paid for those. so she says she'll give me my money back and i'm like okay then. but now she wants to come to my house to make sure i delete the stuff. and i'm like no just take my word for it. but she is insisting on coming to my place. she says i am an asshole for all this but i think she's an asshole for making such a big deal about this. it's not like i've ever made any creepy comments in person or commented on any of her of stuff. i was like dude who tf cares if i know what your butthole looks like, hundreds of people know what it looks like.
aita?
tldr: subbed to my co workers of when she makes it no secret that she is a sexworker part time. she says it's creepy, i say she's overreacting
| 610 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p90ro5/aita_for_subscribing_to_my36m_co_workers_27f/
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2021-08-21 22:33:10
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nta
>i am invading her privacy
yes. viewing and downloading publicly available content is invading her privacy. but demanding access to your personal devices and property to look through your pictures and videos is perfectly fine./s. hypocrisy at its finest.
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god this is a tough one. in one way, its really creepy you did that. i guess for her its different when its people she doesn't know and is never going to meet. when she knows you....its a bit weird mate.
however, you didn't invade her privacy, she's put all her private out on the internet.
so i guess....nta ?
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yta. saving her photos is what makes if over the line to yta status, imo. nobody wants their older male coworker signing up for their sexually explicit only fans without a specific invite to do so - it’s a creepy, bad look.
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gonna go with esh. you shouldn’t have looked her up. there’s plenty of free porn out there; she probably shouldn’t have broadcasted it in her day job. sex work is work; unclear where you all work but she should keep these things separate as it’s a fireable offense at a lot jobs.
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yta -
1. subscribing to a coworkers of us kinda….dodgy
2. actually you have no right to keep those pictures, you pay to view them, not save them, it’s against their terms and service
3. given how your acting i wouldn’t trust you to delete them either
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yta.
so here are some things to consider.
one, you overheard her talking about her of which is how you found it (as implied by your prepared statement). it's kinda weird that you eavesdropped and then proceeded to go look for it. it shows prior (and unprofessional) interest. especially because discussing your side business (even encouraging others to begin their own of) is not an invitation to join her page.
additionally, you should never engage in unprofessional behavior with coworkers. that's how you get a sexual harassment charge (which is a risk if she can prove that she did not solicit to you). don't shit where you eat.
lastly, most of creators understand there is a certain amount of risk that their content can be exploited (used for blackmail, harassment, etc.) but that risk is remarkably different when it's someone you know vs. an anonymous person on the internet. she's reacting this was because you, personally, have the power to tarnish her reputation/job opportunities/etc within your immediate and extended social circles in ways that an anonymous internet user can't.
you broke like several rules of engagement for dealing with explicit content creators. so, yeah. you're an asshole.
edit; i'm doubling down on my verdict after reading some of your comments. it is illegal to download the content from of; you pay to view not to save the content. you are her lead/boss at work, which makes this way worse. and you openly ridiculed her doing sex work (while simultaneously consuming/distributing her explicit content) with other coworkers.
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yta and you sound like a creep.
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i wouldn’t say you’re tah but it does seem a bit creepy to me. especially since you are her lead at work… kinda like her boss?? she knows people will see her but it’s just weird to me that you would intentionally look her up and pay to see her. just seems creepy to me. although like i said she is the one who put it out there for others to see. if my coworker had pictures like that up and i found out i wouldn’t go looking at them or pay to look at them. she probably thinks you look at her pics while jacking off. and you probably do like many other guys do. but being her lead/boss just is gross.
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yta
your replies sealed that.
-you trained her at work, you’re a lead and above her.
- it’s illegal to download and save images/videos from of without the permission from the creator. (i even double checked the tos on of for that)
-keeping her pics/videos when she asked you to delete them is creepy
-you talk about her with coworkers. that’s not okay.
stop being creepy, prove you’ve deleted her content, unsubscribe, get your money back and stop
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esh this falls under: just because you can do something does not mean you should.
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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ESH
| 0.246103 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay so i work at a local restaurant and i (36m) have a co worker (27f) who has an onlyfans and she has never really kept that fact a secret. she tries to get the other hostess to start doing it for a while. so this past week i guess some there was some news on of saying they were gonna shut down the sexually explicit stuff so she was more vocal about onlyfans stuff at work than usual. i overheard that she goes by her first name on onlyfans which is pretty unique. out of curiosity i did a search for her name and was able to find it and i subbed. i don't know how she found out, like if they can see subscribers names or something but the today she asked me if i subbed to her of and i was like yeah. she told me that's not cool and i am invading her privacy. i'm like okay i can cancel my sub. then she tells me to delete any pics and videos i saved. and i was like no i paid for those. so she says she'll give me my money back and i'm like okay then. but now she wants to come to my house to make sure i delete the stuff. and i'm like no just take my word for it. but she is insisting on coming to my place. she says i am an asshole for all this but i think she's an asshole for making such a big deal about this. it's not like i've ever made any creepy comments in person or commented on any of her of stuff. i was like dude who tf cares if i know what your butthole looks like, hundreds of people know what it looks like. aita? tldr: subbed to my co workers of when she makes it no secret that she is a sexworker part time. she says it's creepy, i say she's overreacting
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay so i work at a local restaurant and i (36m) have a co worker (27f) who has an onlyfans and she has never really kept that fact a secret. she tries to get the other hostess to start doing it for a while. so this past week i guess some there was some news on of saying they were gonna shut down the sexually explicit stuff so she was more vocal about onlyfans stuff at work than usual. i overheard that she goes by her first name on onlyfans which is pretty unique. out of curiosity i did a search for her name and was able to find it and i subbed. i don't know how she found out, like if they can see subscribers names or something but the today she asked me if i subbed to her of and i was like yeah. she told me that's not cool and i am invading her privacy. i'm like okay i can cancel my sub. then she tells me to delete any pics and videos i saved. and i was like no i paid for those. so she says she'll give me my money back and i'm like okay then. but now she wants to come to my house to make sure i delete the stuff. and i'm like no just take my word for it. but she is insisting on coming to my place. she says i am an asshole for all this but i think she's an asshole for making such a big deal about this. it's not like i've ever made any creepy comments in person or commented on any of her of stuff. i was like dude who tf cares if i know what your butthole looks like, hundreds of people know what it looks like. aita? tldr: subbed to my co workers of when she makes it no secret that she is a sexworker part time. she says it's creepy, i say she's overreacting [/INST] nta >i am invading her privacy yes. viewing and downloading publicly available content is invading her privacy. but demanding access to your personal devices and property to look through your pictures and videos is perfectly fine./s. hypocrisy at its finest. </s>
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AITA if I take a vacation week during the holidays, even though I'm just a single guy?
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so at my work we are coming up on picking vacation times. there's about 60 people on the shift, and only 4 of them can be off due to a vacation day on any particular day. thags because there's a wide variety of tasks and you have to leave room for call offs and people on leave and such.
to determine who picks first, we use a lottory system. you get 1 slip of paper for each year you've worked there and it all goes into a giant rotating bucket thing and then the order is drawn.
this lottory system is new, it used to be picked simply in order of seniority. but people complained because the same people would get the same holidays every year for many years. well, i happened to get a very good spot in the first round, even though i've only been working there a few years.
i normally don't care for the holidays that much, as my family is small and we don't celebrate that much. but my close childhood friends have told me about this trip they have in the works. it'd be a big reunion of our whole group, dudes who live far away and i haven't seen in years. it could be really good for my mental health.
the trip would be over new years so i'd be taking off thurs dec 28th, 2023 thru thurs jan 4th 2024 for my 5 vacation days of the first round. the 1st wouldn't count as a vacation day, but instead as a federal holiday.
the problem is the older, more senior employees are extremely pissed. they feel as if their seniority is not being respected. this also comes months after the company raised the minimum wage to 20 from 15. so the older employees got an extra 3% raise but they still felt bad new employees came in making as much as they took years to build up to.
so they started taking it out on me by guilt tripping me that older people with families need that week of xmas off to be with family, and since i'm single and a newer employee, i should give up those days. i felt too bad trying to justify a trip with friends against a old person trying to see family, but this trip isn't just any trip either, it would be a true reconnection.
so im torn if i'm the ah if i don't give up those days.
| 853 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xqy1ks/aita_if_i_take_a_vacation_week_during_the/
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2022-09-29 04:19:27
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nta. it is not your problem. you won that time off fair and square. no explanation will appease them so don't give one. just say you are using the time you were given, end of story.
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nta. you have perfectly good reason to take the vacation. it’s not like this something that will come up frequently. it’s not your fault the system is the way it is. that’s a problem for management. not you.
take the vacation with your friends and enjoy yourself.
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nta single people have families too this fact may escape some of your coworkers. it's a lottery system, if you draw first pick, you get first choice. if your colleagues don't get their preferred time off, they'll survive, just as you survived every holiday season you worked. your employer has chosen this system, if any of your coworkers have gripe, tell them to take it up with management.
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nta
don't let their gripes get to you. sounds like the lottery system is fair.
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nta. you have as much of a right and a need to your vacation days as anyone else. you got your days fair and square. take them and enjoy them. since it's a lottery, you won't likely get such a chance next year (if you still work there.) the bitter naysayers can take their grievances and shove them where the sun don't shine. they are likely to get the good vacation days next year anyway.
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nta
if they don't like the new sistem, they can complain to the company. you got your holiday in a fair way under the current system.
it's their choice to have kids, so they aren't entitled to specific holiday days just because of their age or life choices. also pretty sure you can turn it around and say you are entitled to a holiday with your own family (as in parents).
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nta. you don’t owe them any explanation for how you spend your vacation. and you certainly don’t owe them the vacation dates. go to the reunion. it’s a rare opportunity to reconnect with old friends. if your coworkers continue to harass you about the vacation dates, go to hr.
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nta, not matter whether you’re single or married, you are still entitled to enjoy your personal time off. you have your personal life too.
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nta - don't give them up. as you correctly pointed out, 'seniority' means the people there the longest always get the best holidays, and no one else ever can. they are just annoyed they can't have their own way. well, too bad.
we don't have kids - and i always got this when holiday time came around - 'you don't have kids, so why should you have it' - why shouldn't i have it? i'm someones kid - i have nieces and nephews, uncles and aunts, and maybe i would like to hang out with them at xmas? why should i miss out just because i didn't pop out my own kid? if you want to spend your holidays with your friends, then do it - you are not less important because you are single, because you don't have kids, or because you have only worked there for a short time.
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nta. you won fair and square. you have every right to take that time, even if your plans were to sit on the sofa and never wear pants.
you can commiserate that the system doesn't seem fair, but it wasn't fair before either. they wouldn't give up their week so you could take a trip with your friends if the system were back to being seniority based. they proved that by their past actions of taking holiday weeks, so just enjoy your trip and put them out of your mind.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so at my work we are coming up on picking vacation times. there's about 60 people on the shift, and only 4 of them can be off due to a vacation day on any particular day. thags because there's a wide variety of tasks and you have to leave room for call offs and people on leave and such. to determine who picks first, we use a lottory system. you get 1 slip of paper for each year you've worked there and it all goes into a giant rotating bucket thing and then the order is drawn. this lottory system is new, it used to be picked simply in order of seniority. but people complained because the same people would get the same holidays every year for many years. well, i happened to get a very good spot in the first round, even though i've only been working there a few years. i normally don't care for the holidays that much, as my family is small and we don't celebrate that much. but my close childhood friends have told me about this trip they have in the works. it'd be a big reunion of our whole group, dudes who live far away and i haven't seen in years. it could be really good for my mental health. the trip would be over new years so i'd be taking off thurs dec 28th, 2023 thru thurs jan 4th 2024 for my 5 vacation days of the first round. the 1st wouldn't count as a vacation day, but instead as a federal holiday. the problem is the older, more senior employees are extremely pissed. they feel as if their seniority is not being respected. this also comes months after the company raised the minimum wage to 20 from 15. so the older employees got an extra 3% raise but they still felt bad new employees came in making as much as they took years to build up to. so they started taking it out on me by guilt tripping me that older people with families need that week of xmas off to be with family, and since i'm single and a newer employee, i should give up those days. i felt too bad trying to justify a trip with friends against a old person trying to see family, but this trip isn't just any trip either, it would be a true reconnection. so im torn if i'm the ah if i don't give up those days.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so at my work we are coming up on picking vacation times. there's about 60 people on the shift, and only 4 of them can be off due to a vacation day on any particular day. thags because there's a wide variety of tasks and you have to leave room for call offs and people on leave and such. to determine who picks first, we use a lottory system. you get 1 slip of paper for each year you've worked there and it all goes into a giant rotating bucket thing and then the order is drawn. this lottory system is new, it used to be picked simply in order of seniority. but people complained because the same people would get the same holidays every year for many years. well, i happened to get a very good spot in the first round, even though i've only been working there a few years. i normally don't care for the holidays that much, as my family is small and we don't celebrate that much. but my close childhood friends have told me about this trip they have in the works. it'd be a big reunion of our whole group, dudes who live far away and i haven't seen in years. it could be really good for my mental health. the trip would be over new years so i'd be taking off thurs dec 28th, 2023 thru thurs jan 4th 2024 for my 5 vacation days of the first round. the 1st wouldn't count as a vacation day, but instead as a federal holiday. the problem is the older, more senior employees are extremely pissed. they feel as if their seniority is not being respected. this also comes months after the company raised the minimum wage to 20 from 15. so the older employees got an extra 3% raise but they still felt bad new employees came in making as much as they took years to build up to. so they started taking it out on me by guilt tripping me that older people with families need that week of xmas off to be with family, and since i'm single and a newer employee, i should give up those days. i felt too bad trying to justify a trip with friends against a old person trying to see family, but this trip isn't just any trip either, it would be a true reconnection. so im torn if i'm the ah if i don't give up those days. [/INST] nta. it is not your problem. you won that time off fair and square. no explanation will appease them so don't give one. just say you are using the time you were given, end of story. </s>
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AITA for refusing to help my so-called friends?
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it’s my (19f) last year of high school and my so-called “friends” decided in december last year to cut me off and hang out without me. we were a group of 5 but because of the pandemic we divided the group into 3 (me and two other girls, 19 and 18) and the other 2 (18 both). this is important for later on!
the reason i was cut off their friend group was a joke i made with one of the girls that decided to turn all the others against me. i was of course hurt and tried to talk to them and also apologized for the joke, but after a few months i stopped trying.
you see, only the girl i made the joke with avoided me and spread rumors. the 2 girls i mentioned at the beginning of the story were on good terms with me and kept asking for help with stuff, mostly homework and for the sake of our friendship i helped them with all i could, but whenever they would hang out, they would take the joke girl while ignoring me.
this went on for months, until a few weeks ago when i decided to just tell them “i won’t help you anymore, go ask the joke girl for help, as you only hang out with her.” i am good enough when it comes to helping them, but i’m not enough to hang out with. i also recently found out the joke girl actually stalks my socials and judges my pictures with one of her friends, and a girl from that group reached out to me to vent, calling the joke girl all sorts of names while still hanging out with her.
one of the two girls agreed with the joke girl that i’m an asshole for refusing to help them and avoids me aswell. they were my best friends and now they act like i don’t exist and like i’m a bad friend for choosing myself. am i the asshole? should i continue to help them? we spent 3 years as a friend group and i do miss going out with them…
| 500 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v4lvgz/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_socalled_friends/
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2022-06-04 10:10:37
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nta they were never your friends. none of them. do not help them. it is not a loss that they are not hanging out with you, tell them good riddance instead.
in the future, whenever someone badmouths a common friend, even when venting, stop them in their tracks and tell them that badmouthing someone to a common friend is not fair and you don't want your friends to do that, and you will not do it either. (also i hope you realize that a person who badmouths their friend to you, will turn around the next moment to badmouth you to the other friend. this is how such people operate.)
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info
what was the joke you made?
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definitely nta.
at this point they aren't worth it, if they did it once they'll do it again.
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nta they only want you because they are dumb and want to pass classes while not trying. they were just using you.
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nta.
they’re simply mad because you won’t let them use you anymore. they cut emotional ties long ago and simply reached out when it was convenient. go find yourself some actual friends who aren’t vindictive!
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nta. you aren't obligated to have anyone in your life, to let people walk on and use you. my suggestion is to remove everyone and get yourself out of that drama hurricane.
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0.010352 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: it’s my (19f) last year of high school and my so-called “friends” decided in december last year to cut me off and hang out without me. we were a group of 5 but because of the pandemic we divided the group into 3 (me and two other girls, 19 and 18) and the other 2 (18 both). this is important for later on! the reason i was cut off their friend group was a joke i made with one of the girls that decided to turn all the others against me. i was of course hurt and tried to talk to them and also apologized for the joke, but after a few months i stopped trying. you see, only the girl i made the joke with avoided me and spread rumors. the 2 girls i mentioned at the beginning of the story were on good terms with me and kept asking for help with stuff, mostly homework and for the sake of our friendship i helped them with all i could, but whenever they would hang out, they would take the joke girl while ignoring me. this went on for months, until a few weeks ago when i decided to just tell them “i won’t help you anymore, go ask the joke girl for help, as you only hang out with her.” i am good enough when it comes to helping them, but i’m not enough to hang out with. i also recently found out the joke girl actually stalks my socials and judges my pictures with one of her friends, and a girl from that group reached out to me to vent, calling the joke girl all sorts of names while still hanging out with her. one of the two girls agreed with the joke girl that i’m an asshole for refusing to help them and avoids me aswell. they were my best friends and now they act like i don’t exist and like i’m a bad friend for choosing myself. am i the asshole? should i continue to help them? we spent 3 years as a friend group and i do miss going out with them…
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
it’s my (19f) last year of high school and my so-called “friends” decided in december last year to cut me off and hang out without me. we were a group of 5 but because of the pandemic we divided the group into 3 (me and two other girls, 19 and 18) and the other 2 (18 both). this is important for later on! the reason i was cut off their friend group was a joke i made with one of the girls that decided to turn all the others against me. i was of course hurt and tried to talk to them and also apologized for the joke, but after a few months i stopped trying. you see, only the girl i made the joke with avoided me and spread rumors. the 2 girls i mentioned at the beginning of the story were on good terms with me and kept asking for help with stuff, mostly homework and for the sake of our friendship i helped them with all i could, but whenever they would hang out, they would take the joke girl while ignoring me. this went on for months, until a few weeks ago when i decided to just tell them “i won’t help you anymore, go ask the joke girl for help, as you only hang out with her.” i am good enough when it comes to helping them, but i’m not enough to hang out with. i also recently found out the joke girl actually stalks my socials and judges my pictures with one of her friends, and a girl from that group reached out to me to vent, calling the joke girl all sorts of names while still hanging out with her. one of the two girls agreed with the joke girl that i’m an asshole for refusing to help them and avoids me aswell. they were my best friends and now they act like i don’t exist and like i’m a bad friend for choosing myself. am i the asshole? should i continue to help them? we spent 3 years as a friend group and i do miss going out with them… [/INST] nta they were never your friends. none of them. do not help them. it is not a loss that they are not hanging out with you, tell them good riddance instead. in the future, whenever someone badmouths a common friend, even when venting, stop them in their tracks and tell them that badmouthing someone to a common friend is not fair and you don't want your friends to do that, and you will not do it either. (also i hope you realize that a person who badmouths their friend to you, will turn around the next moment to badmouth you to the other friend. this is how such people operate.) </s>
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AITA for just doing my stepsister’s assignment for her, because I was tired of helping her with her assignments all the time?
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i’m a native french speaker, my mum learned a bit after she married my dad but definitely isn’t fluent. english is my second language.
my (17f) mum got remarried june of last year. i have a stepsister (15f).
she’s currently doing french as her foreign language elective, and just started her second year. she was really struggling, and my mum decided it’d be a good idea for me to help her as a way for us to “bond” and “get to know each other”.
it started out small, just a few pointers here and there, but over the year i ended up having to “help” her do her work every single time.
now every time she gets french homework she’ll come find/call me. she doesn’t even try by herself anymore, she just asks me. i try to tell mum i don’t want to spend so much time doing this, but mum just grounds me or yells at me if i complain.
i was really tired, and had my own homework so when she came to me and asked for help, i just did it for her. it was easier than me spending an hour sitting next to her and talking her through it. it was a writing prompt, and it was supposed to be half a page to a page.
she submitted it as is, and mum found out a week later. she wasn’t very happy. mum says she won’t learn anything if i do this, but i don’t think the spoon feeding method i was doing previously as per her command was helping stepsis either. now i’m grounded lol
| 381 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ldwhfi/aita_for_just_doing_my_stepsisters_assignment_for/
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2021-02-06 12:07:50
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nta, the logical thing would be not to help her if she isn't even trying, but your mom doesn't allow that. this puts you in an impossible position: waste your time or waste your time. you went for most efficient
option. she isn't going to learn anything eiher way.
how did mom find out?
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nta. but don't even do it for her next time.
it's not your job to "help" her with her homework, or do it for her. if you want to, that's great, but she shouldn't be using you as a crutch and your mother definitely shouldn't be grounding you for choosing not to help her. your stepsis isn't going to learn if you do it for her, but you're her stepsis, not her private tutor.
i don't blame you for just writing it, but it's only going to enable the situation more. step back from the whole mess and let her get on with her own work.
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nta. your mom is the ah. she should not be grounding you. your stepdad and your mom should be making sure your stepsister is doing her own work.
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nta
though in the future, just refuse to help her. so what if you're grounded? with a pandemic, it's not like you can really go out anyways. you're almost 18. what's she going to do when you're a legal adult and she can't try to manipulate you anymore?
either that or tell y our mom you will tutor her, but you will charge her. tutoring is a job. you are under no obligation to help her just because she is your stepsister.
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wtf nta put your foot down and say you have your own shit to do and she can google translate it
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>she submitted it as is
pardon my french, but what the fuck? this was a professionally inept decision. she could have at least, at the very, very least, copied it over using her own handwriting, or retyped it herself so maybe some knowledge might seep in through osmosis. the smartest decision would have been to take what you had written, and rephrased it in her own words, using whatever french vocabulary was available to her organically. maybe using yours to spice it up a bit, but still, doing the work herself. (at least, doing some work herself.)
>she submitted it as is, and mum found out a week later. she wasn’t very happy. mum says she won’t learn anything if i do this, but i don’t think the spoon feeding method i was doing previously as per her command was helping stepsis either. now i’m grounded lol
if only you are grounded and not your sister then that hugely sucks.
i have to go with esh, because you're an enabler. but your sister clearly sucks, as does your mother for her lack of parenting properly here.
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nta can you go stay with your father?
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nta because you're mom put you in a no win situation. your step sister needs to get a tutor through school or switch to a different language. based on your age, i assume you're in the last stretch of high school. that means you're too busy to help. you're also not going to available next year.
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if you’re going to get grounded for helping her then stop helping her.
your mom is absolutely ridiculous. what are you going to take her tests for her too? tell your mom to get your stepsister a tutor but you’re done teaching her. take the punishment. she’s going to stop when she realizes you’ll take punishment over hours of extra work. nta
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m a native french speaker, my mum learned a bit after she married my dad but definitely isn’t fluent. english is my second language. my (17f) mum got remarried june of last year. i have a stepsister (15f). she’s currently doing french as her foreign language elective, and just started her second year. she was really struggling, and my mum decided it’d be a good idea for me to help her as a way for us to “bond” and “get to know each other”. it started out small, just a few pointers here and there, but over the year i ended up having to “help” her do her work every single time. now every time she gets french homework she’ll come find/call me. she doesn’t even try by herself anymore, she just asks me. i try to tell mum i don’t want to spend so much time doing this, but mum just grounds me or yells at me if i complain. i was really tired, and had my own homework so when she came to me and asked for help, i just did it for her. it was easier than me spending an hour sitting next to her and talking her through it. it was a writing prompt, and it was supposed to be half a page to a page. she submitted it as is, and mum found out a week later. she wasn’t very happy. mum says she won’t learn anything if i do this, but i don’t think the spoon feeding method i was doing previously as per her command was helping stepsis either. now i’m grounded lol
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m a native french speaker, my mum learned a bit after she married my dad but definitely isn’t fluent. english is my second language. my (17f) mum got remarried june of last year. i have a stepsister (15f). she’s currently doing french as her foreign language elective, and just started her second year. she was really struggling, and my mum decided it’d be a good idea for me to help her as a way for us to “bond” and “get to know each other”. it started out small, just a few pointers here and there, but over the year i ended up having to “help” her do her work every single time. now every time she gets french homework she’ll come find/call me. she doesn’t even try by herself anymore, she just asks me. i try to tell mum i don’t want to spend so much time doing this, but mum just grounds me or yells at me if i complain. i was really tired, and had my own homework so when she came to me and asked for help, i just did it for her. it was easier than me spending an hour sitting next to her and talking her through it. it was a writing prompt, and it was supposed to be half a page to a page. she submitted it as is, and mum found out a week later. she wasn’t very happy. mum says she won’t learn anything if i do this, but i don’t think the spoon feeding method i was doing previously as per her command was helping stepsis either. now i’m grounded lol [/INST] nta, the logical thing would be not to help her if she isn't even trying, but your mom doesn't allow that. this puts you in an impossible position: waste your time or waste your time. you went for most efficient option. she isn't going to learn anything eiher way. how did mom find out? </s>
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AITA for "overreacting" when i found out my bf threw away a teddy bear that meant a lot to me
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throwaway cause i do not want my cousins to know this happened and they know my reddit
so some background; i (22 mtf girl) had been dating this guy for over a year (26m) we generally really get along and he has been really understanding, or so i thought. i also had a friend named hasan, who i was really close with, but who we lost 2 years ago due to sudden heart issues. him and i were extremely close and bought each other's gifts on the 14th of febuary, despite not dating, it was kind of a tradition between us. well the last time we could do this, he gave me a little teddy bear that he won as a prize, and it meant a lot to me, so i kept it where i slept.
so on to the story, my boyfriend was in my house looking around for present ideas as the 14th is approaching, he saw the teddy bear and asked why i had a teddy bear despite being 22. i explained the story behind it and how much it meant to me, cause it was a memory i was very fond of, from someone i really loved. well my bf didn't take it well. he started screaming and asking if i was still in love with a dead person. i told him that he was being jealous and unreasonable.
well lo and behold, the next day i come to my house, he was also there, and he threw my present out. i was furious, i was screaming that he was an inconsiderate ah. he said that i was overreacting and he was justified cause it made him feel unwanted. i barely talked to him in a week and i think i might have overreacted and i should apologize cause now i'm feeling really bad.
| 1,595 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lgzf2v/aita_for_overreacting_when_i_found_out_my_bf/
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2021-02-10 17:57:47
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nta
> i explained the story behind it and how much it meant to me, cause it was a memory i was very fond of, from someone i really loved.
jfc. it's one thing when these stories are "so didn't understand how important x was to me and threw it away" but here he has the full story and is angry **because** it's important.
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nta.
break up with this guy. he is jealous over a dead man.
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nta
you mean ex boyfriend, right?
that is not what someone who actually cares for you does. that's what someone with insane jealousy and anger issues does.
that is the red flag of doom.
you need to be done with that person today.
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nta. he is jealous of a dead person? then while knowing how much the teddy bear meant to you threw it out? op these are all red flags. he sounds manipulative as hell.
do not apologize op! please think. do you know anybody who acts like that or thinks that is normal behavior? cause i sure as hell don't.
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nta.
your boyfriend has showed you who he is. believe him. it will escalate if you stay with him.
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some serieus red flags here. your boyfriend has no right to throw stuff out that is yours. but especially stuff that is obvious of sentimental value is just a very very hard 'no' in any adult relationship.
let me ask you this, if 'hassan' had been an 'anna' would he have minded at all? my guess is probably not. and that is why your boyfriend is an humongous asshole and you are nta.
also, please please reconsider your relationship. do you want to move forward with a partner that has zero respect for your feelings and boundaries? what were to happen if you decided to have children? would he treat their property like his too?
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nta. what is it with people throwing out their so's property on this board?
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nta he shouldn't be throwing away what is yours.
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nta, omfg dump him, dump him immediately. this is beyond disgusting.
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nta. that teddy bear really meant something to you, and you explained why. your boyfriend is behaving like a jealous asshole. he feels so threatened by a treasured gift from a dead person to the point where it makes him feel unwanted, and that points to a great deal of insecurity on his part. don't apologize to him - he should be the one apologizing to you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway cause i do not want my cousins to know this happened and they know my reddit so some background; i (22 mtf girl) had been dating this guy for over a year (26m) we generally really get along and he has been really understanding, or so i thought. i also had a friend named hasan, who i was really close with, but who we lost 2 years ago due to sudden heart issues. him and i were extremely close and bought each other's gifts on the 14th of febuary, despite not dating, it was kind of a tradition between us. well the last time we could do this, he gave me a little teddy bear that he won as a prize, and it meant a lot to me, so i kept it where i slept. so on to the story, my boyfriend was in my house looking around for present ideas as the 14th is approaching, he saw the teddy bear and asked why i had a teddy bear despite being 22. i explained the story behind it and how much it meant to me, cause it was a memory i was very fond of, from someone i really loved. well my bf didn't take it well. he started screaming and asking if i was still in love with a dead person. i told him that he was being jealous and unreasonable. well lo and behold, the next day i come to my house, he was also there, and he threw my present out. i was furious, i was screaming that he was an inconsiderate ah. he said that i was overreacting and he was justified cause it made him feel unwanted. i barely talked to him in a week and i think i might have overreacted and i should apologize cause now i'm feeling really bad.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway cause i do not want my cousins to know this happened and they know my reddit so some background; i (22 mtf girl) had been dating this guy for over a year (26m) we generally really get along and he has been really understanding, or so i thought. i also had a friend named hasan, who i was really close with, but who we lost 2 years ago due to sudden heart issues. him and i were extremely close and bought each other's gifts on the 14th of febuary, despite not dating, it was kind of a tradition between us. well the last time we could do this, he gave me a little teddy bear that he won as a prize, and it meant a lot to me, so i kept it where i slept. so on to the story, my boyfriend was in my house looking around for present ideas as the 14th is approaching, he saw the teddy bear and asked why i had a teddy bear despite being 22. i explained the story behind it and how much it meant to me, cause it was a memory i was very fond of, from someone i really loved. well my bf didn't take it well. he started screaming and asking if i was still in love with a dead person. i told him that he was being jealous and unreasonable. well lo and behold, the next day i come to my house, he was also there, and he threw my present out. i was furious, i was screaming that he was an inconsiderate ah. he said that i was overreacting and he was justified cause it made him feel unwanted. i barely talked to him in a week and i think i might have overreacted and i should apologize cause now i'm feeling really bad. [/INST] nta > i explained the story behind it and how much it meant to me, cause it was a memory i was very fond of, from someone i really loved. jfc. it's one thing when these stories are "so didn't understand how important x was to me and threw it away" but here he has the full story and is angry **because** it's important. </s>
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AITA for not giving my mom a key to my girlfriend and I's place?
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throwaway cause my place of work is on my original account.
i (25 m) have been dating my girlfriend lacey (24 f) for six years. we met when she was a freshman because she became friends with one of my close friends, and i was enamored with her immediately after seeing her. after a couple of years of saving, we decided we wanted to take the next step and buy a house together. nothing big, just like an apartment or a townhouse. with the help of lacey's father, we purchased a townhouse a month ago.
now for some background, that led to my decision not to give my mom a key. my mother has never liked lacey. there was and is always a complaint. her dyed hair, her "revealing" clothes, her clothing style, her facial piercings, her tattoos, etc. the most recent complaint is that lacey only works a few part-time hours while i work full time ( lacey is a ph.d. neuroscience student), but even if she wasn't a student, it's not her business how our dynamic works. if she can't act amicably towards my other half, who has been nothing but kind to her, then i don't want her having access because i know she will intrude. onto the issue. two weeks ago, we held a housewarming party for our parents after we were mostly settled in. after dinner, while we were all drinking coffee in the living room, my mom asked me when she would be getting an emergency key. i told her we gave it to our friends because they are closest (that's a lie we gave one to lacey's parents). she got upset, saying emergency keys are for family only and she needs one. i told her she didn't need one, and if something happened, my friends had access. i could tell it upset her but she stopped. the next day i got a call from her, and when i answered, she was wailing, saying she knew "lacey was up to this". i told her it was both of our decisions to give the key to our friends and that lacey isn't an evil villain conspiring against her. she then switched to anger, saying i can't cover for her all the time to which i hung up. ever since i have been getting guilt trippy texts from my mother and my father about me breaking her heart because i'm shutting her out. aita? is it really that bad she does not have a key?
edit/
| 3,079 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xovvmn/aita_for_not_giving_my_mom_a_key_to_my_girlfriend/
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2022-09-26 21:06:38
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nta
give her a fake key and i guarantee 💯 % she will be complaining within days about her "emergency" key not working.
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nta but please know ywbta if you gave your mother a key at this point. adult temper tantrums like this are unacceptable and your boundary is beyond reasonable. i hope it’s clear to you, but it’s very clear to me that this has nothing to do with an “emergency key” and everything to do with your mom being unable to get what she wants.
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nta. your mother is doing an excellent job of demonstrating why you should *never* give her a key under *any* circumstances. in fact, you should probably warn building security about her, in case she tries to go around you, because there is no damn way she’s worried about “emergencies” and not either digging up dirt on lacey or simply making her feel unwelcome in her own home. (and while i’m sure you will get plenty of r/justnomil recommendations, if you didn’t craft this story based on the ones already there, please take a good *long* read, ‘cause i’m betting you’ll spot a *lot* of familiar behaviors.)
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nta. at all, in fact, you get the awesome boyfriend award.
what i would do is send your mom and dad the following:
“mom, i love you very much. however, in the last six years you have made it very clear that you don’t like lacey. you have blamed her for everything under the sun, and have had enough.
first- you will not be getting an emergency key. they are not “just for family”. emergency keys are for who we decide will get them. i decided that as you clearly disapprove of my partner of 6 years, who i now share a mortgage with, you will not be getting one. why? because this is her home. and she has the right to feel that the home we share is her safe space. and knowing that someone who hates her has a key to come over whenever she wants, and who does not respect her boundaries or my autonomy, would not create a safe space.
further, your constant anger towards her is misplaced. if you, dad, and i need to go to therapy as a family to discuss this further, please let me know when and where and i will be there. it is insulting because you seem to believe after 6 years i don’t know my own mind about the person i have decided to create a life with.
if either of you decide to send me these crazy texts, my first decision will be to block your number. my second will be to go no-contact with you. however, if you want to discuss this like adults, i am available to meet you at the restaurant of your choice.”
that should send a strong message.
edited after
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honestly her insistence is concerning.
my parents live a like a mile from me, love my husband, and don’t have a key. there just aren’t that many emergencies.
we do have a lockbox and happily give out the code in all those horrific emergency situations…that so far are usually just me forgetting my laptop at home on mondays and begging my poor retired parents to go get it. yep, that happens.
nta
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nta. ditch the \[mom\], keep the gf, live happily ever after.
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nta. if your instincts are telling you that giving your mother a key to the house will result in a major intrusion then please listen to them. it doesn't mean you don't love your mother. you are entitled to your privacy and she is not entitled to a key.
heaven forbid if you gave her a key and while you weren't home she decided to surprise lacey with a wonderful new modest wardrobe.
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nta. her anger and insistence are crossing boundaries. why does she want a key so bad? so she can sneak in, get rid of girlfriends belongings she doesn’t approve of? rearrange the house? snoop?
she does not need a key and her behavior shows it.
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nta. my inlaws had a key against my wishes. they did the following: made themselves a second copy, left the keys hanging in our door when they stopped by to leave something, used it unannounced, accidentally let our dogs out when they wanted to leave something behind.
the best part? they couldn't find either of the keys by the time we actually needed their help in an emergency.
if she is going to make this about your girlfriend, you know what else to expect. keep your boundaries, she is only going to escalate.
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nta. your mama doesn’t ‘need’ a key to your apartment : she just wants one, whether for control or to snoop or to surprise you by rearranging your furniture and organizing your underwear drawer, who knows. stand strong and keep reasonable boundaries.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway cause my place of work is on my original account. i (25 m) have been dating my girlfriend lacey (24 f) for six years. we met when she was a freshman because she became friends with one of my close friends, and i was enamored with her immediately after seeing her. after a couple of years of saving, we decided we wanted to take the next step and buy a house together. nothing big, just like an apartment or a townhouse. with the help of lacey's father, we purchased a townhouse a month ago. now for some background, that led to my decision not to give my mom a key. my mother has never liked lacey. there was and is always a complaint. her dyed hair, her "revealing" clothes, her clothing style, her facial piercings, her tattoos, etc. the most recent complaint is that lacey only works a few part-time hours while i work full time ( lacey is a ph.d. neuroscience student), but even if she wasn't a student, it's not her business how our dynamic works. if she can't act amicably towards my other half, who has been nothing but kind to her, then i don't want her having access because i know she will intrude. onto the issue. two weeks ago, we held a housewarming party for our parents after we were mostly settled in. after dinner, while we were all drinking coffee in the living room, my mom asked me when she would be getting an emergency key. i told her we gave it to our friends because they are closest (that's a lie we gave one to lacey's parents). she got upset, saying emergency keys are for family only and she needs one. i told her she didn't need one, and if something happened, my friends had access. i could tell it upset her but she stopped. the next day i got a call from her, and when i answered, she was wailing, saying she knew "lacey was up to this". i told her it was both of our decisions to give the key to our friends and that lacey isn't an evil villain conspiring against her. she then switched to anger, saying i can't cover for her all the time to which i hung up. ever since i have been getting guilt trippy texts from my mother and my father about me breaking her heart because i'm shutting her out. aita? is it really that bad she does not have a key? edit/
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway cause my place of work is on my original account. i (25 m) have been dating my girlfriend lacey (24 f) for six years. we met when she was a freshman because she became friends with one of my close friends, and i was enamored with her immediately after seeing her. after a couple of years of saving, we decided we wanted to take the next step and buy a house together. nothing big, just like an apartment or a townhouse. with the help of lacey's father, we purchased a townhouse a month ago. now for some background, that led to my decision not to give my mom a key. my mother has never liked lacey. there was and is always a complaint. her dyed hair, her "revealing" clothes, her clothing style, her facial piercings, her tattoos, etc. the most recent complaint is that lacey only works a few part-time hours while i work full time ( lacey is a ph.d. neuroscience student), but even if she wasn't a student, it's not her business how our dynamic works. if she can't act amicably towards my other half, who has been nothing but kind to her, then i don't want her having access because i know she will intrude. onto the issue. two weeks ago, we held a housewarming party for our parents after we were mostly settled in. after dinner, while we were all drinking coffee in the living room, my mom asked me when she would be getting an emergency key. i told her we gave it to our friends because they are closest (that's a lie we gave one to lacey's parents). she got upset, saying emergency keys are for family only and she needs one. i told her she didn't need one, and if something happened, my friends had access. i could tell it upset her but she stopped. the next day i got a call from her, and when i answered, she was wailing, saying she knew "lacey was up to this". i told her it was both of our decisions to give the key to our friends and that lacey isn't an evil villain conspiring against her. she then switched to anger, saying i can't cover for her all the time to which i hung up. ever since i have been getting guilt trippy texts from my mother and my father about me breaking her heart because i'm shutting her out. aita? is it really that bad she does not have a key? edit/ [/INST] nta give her a fake key and i guarantee 💯 % she will be complaining within days about her "emergency" key not working. </s>
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AITA for leaving my dad, because he wanted me to stop/lower my medication
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so to not over complicate the situation. i (17f) have adhd and take simulates to manage my daily life. my dad (60m) live alone with him because my mum died last year, thinks i should lower my dose because apparently since i’ve started meds i’m “more emotional and aggressive”.
my point that i’ve been trying to explain is that is not the meds that make me emotional is because no one is listening to why i get upset.
few weeks ago we went on vacation which was very hard for me because i didn’t get alone time and i was away from my animals and plants. so i was pretty stressed and fragile. i broke down multiple times.
after vacation i go to my new school which is more work then my old school because i have to wake up at 5am to get there and only get home at 4.50pm. i’ve been working hard and doing much more than i usually do. i’ve been succeeding for the first time in my life but it means i’m more tired and emotional then before. also dad and i have always had a strained relationship.
anyway after having one of the best days of my life, my dad gets drunk even though he tried to control his drinking that night it didn’t go to well. he had a half a bottle of white wine then a full bottle of red. i don’t drink because of meds but i smoke weed. only mentioning the weed because it plays in the story later.
after dad is on his last glass of wine he starts talking about how “i’m not the person i used to be i’m angry and emotional and it’s because of the meds,”
i start talking about how i’ve spoken to my psych about it and he says it’s not the meds i’m just adjusting to a new routine and haven’t had a break in a while.
he goes on with “you do speed and dope everyday, and i’m not the only one who thinks you’ve changed,” i get really upset at this point because i’ve tried explaining why i’m emotional and it’s not the meds speaking but it’s me. i just want understanding. anyway we keep debating this point which i think isn’t up for debate, i just want to be treated like a human with emotions not a drug addict.
ends up getting pretty nasty and we are both yelling i start packing my bag saying “i’m sick of this shit” i leave for the night and come back tomorrow trying to fix the problem with communication.
doesn’t work we are both too stubborn to come to a understanding. i end up leaving again saying “how hard is it to understand i’ll come back when you understand me,”.
now i’m staying with my grandma i don’t know where to go or what to do. lots of people on my dads side but they don’t seem to understand me either. my brother with adhd is supporting me i might be couch surfing for a while. anyway no idea if i’m messed up big time but i’ve been wanting to move out since 15 so it might be a opportunity in disguise
| 425 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lzj7dp/aita_for_leaving_my_dad_because_he_wanted_me_to/
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2021-03-07 04:36:03
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nta and i think you should considering moving out asap. with another family member or friend... whatever it takes. you’ve spoken to your doctor and your medication is a priority for you and your health, if your dad can’t see that then he will play a role in the downfall of your health.
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nta. your dad's an alcoholic. good for you for staying with a grandparent. if you have to couchsurf, can you designate your grandparents as a "home base" until you figure out something else? apply for scholarships to everywhere possible, if you can score a full, or even generous partial scholarship to college, you can at least get a solid education after all this.
good luck.
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nta dad's not a doctor nor is it his pills he's talking about. he has no business discouraging you from taking your medication. if he's not going to cut it out, then living elsewhere is probably for the best.
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nta. he's projecting his problems onto you. he's more emotional because he's an alcoholic who just has a life changing event and it'd be hard for him to go deeper into alcoholism. and people rarely go from 0 to 60, he just had not noticed how long you'd been at 59 before this.
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nta - not sure why your father is under the impression that he knows better than your doctor who prescribed you the medicine, or better than you who is on the medicine and experiences its affects.
it seems like you already know the answer, but i'm sorry he has you doubting yourself. also, am i correct in assuming from the info you gave that he has a drinking problem? if so its quite telling that he is accusing you of being a drug addict while is he the one with the problem. (side note but i always think it funny when older people refer to weed as 'dope'. if anybody my age uses the term dope i know they mean heroin or an opiate)
anyway i'm sorry you have to deal with that but i am glad you are able to get away from the situation. do you have a job or means to support yourself?
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nta ya i get if he was just concerned.
i'll be honest, i personally take antidepressants along with my own adhd medication. ritalin used to make me cry as a child, it is possible that your medication can contribute to heightening your negative emotions. crying alot isn't normal.
even so getting drugged up on alcohol and then accusing you of doing hard drugs is beyond pathetic of him. he's being crappy to put it lightly. i think distancing yourself isn't a bad thing as he's definitely not helping you emotionally
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a 17 year old is more emotional and quick to anger/stress than them when they were younger?
idk why you dad refuses to take into account puberty, school work and just general teenage stuff as part of the reason.
i know when i was about 17 (as levels, a levels and courseworks), the last couple months before/including exams were very stressful and i was a lot more snappy or quick to frustration when it came to parental interactions.
i ofc apologised and tried to hold in my frustration and we discussed the fact that it was related to the exam stress.
nta
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so to not over complicate the situation. i (17f) have adhd and take simulates to manage my daily life. my dad (60m) live alone with him because my mum died last year, thinks i should lower my dose because apparently since i’ve started meds i’m “more emotional and aggressive”. my point that i’ve been trying to explain is that is not the meds that make me emotional is because no one is listening to why i get upset. few weeks ago we went on vacation which was very hard for me because i didn’t get alone time and i was away from my animals and plants. so i was pretty stressed and fragile. i broke down multiple times. after vacation i go to my new school which is more work then my old school because i have to wake up at 5am to get there and only get home at 4.50pm. i’ve been working hard and doing much more than i usually do. i’ve been succeeding for the first time in my life but it means i’m more tired and emotional then before. also dad and i have always had a strained relationship. anyway after having one of the best days of my life, my dad gets drunk even though he tried to control his drinking that night it didn’t go to well. he had a half a bottle of white wine then a full bottle of red. i don’t drink because of meds but i smoke weed. only mentioning the weed because it plays in the story later. after dad is on his last glass of wine he starts talking about how “i’m not the person i used to be i’m angry and emotional and it’s because of the meds,” i start talking about how i’ve spoken to my psych about it and he says it’s not the meds i’m just adjusting to a new routine and haven’t had a break in a while. he goes on with “you do speed and dope everyday, and i’m not the only one who thinks you’ve changed,” i get really upset at this point because i’ve tried explaining why i’m emotional and it’s not the meds speaking but it’s me. i just want understanding. anyway we keep debating this point which i think isn’t up for debate, i just want to be treated like a human with emotions not a drug addict. ends up getting pretty nasty and we are both yelling i start packing my bag saying “i’m sick of this shit” i leave for the night and come back tomorrow trying to fix the problem with communication. doesn’t work we are both too stubborn to come to a understanding. i end up leaving again saying “how hard is it to understand i’ll come back when you understand me,”. now i’m staying with my grandma i don’t know where to go or what to do. lots of people on my dads side but they don’t seem to understand me either. my brother with adhd is supporting me i might be couch surfing for a while. anyway no idea if i’m messed up big time but i’ve been wanting to move out since 15 so it might be a opportunity in disguise
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so to not over complicate the situation. i (17f) have adhd and take simulates to manage my daily life. my dad (60m) live alone with him because my mum died last year, thinks i should lower my dose because apparently since i’ve started meds i’m “more emotional and aggressive”. my point that i’ve been trying to explain is that is not the meds that make me emotional is because no one is listening to why i get upset. few weeks ago we went on vacation which was very hard for me because i didn’t get alone time and i was away from my animals and plants. so i was pretty stressed and fragile. i broke down multiple times. after vacation i go to my new school which is more work then my old school because i have to wake up at 5am to get there and only get home at 4.50pm. i’ve been working hard and doing much more than i usually do. i’ve been succeeding for the first time in my life but it means i’m more tired and emotional then before. also dad and i have always had a strained relationship. anyway after having one of the best days of my life, my dad gets drunk even though he tried to control his drinking that night it didn’t go to well. he had a half a bottle of white wine then a full bottle of red. i don’t drink because of meds but i smoke weed. only mentioning the weed because it plays in the story later. after dad is on his last glass of wine he starts talking about how “i’m not the person i used to be i’m angry and emotional and it’s because of the meds,” i start talking about how i’ve spoken to my psych about it and he says it’s not the meds i’m just adjusting to a new routine and haven’t had a break in a while. he goes on with “you do speed and dope everyday, and i’m not the only one who thinks you’ve changed,” i get really upset at this point because i’ve tried explaining why i’m emotional and it’s not the meds speaking but it’s me. i just want understanding. anyway we keep debating this point which i think isn’t up for debate, i just want to be treated like a human with emotions not a drug addict. ends up getting pretty nasty and we are both yelling i start packing my bag saying “i’m sick of this shit” i leave for the night and come back tomorrow trying to fix the problem with communication. doesn’t work we are both too stubborn to come to a understanding. i end up leaving again saying “how hard is it to understand i’ll come back when you understand me,”. now i’m staying with my grandma i don’t know where to go or what to do. lots of people on my dads side but they don’t seem to understand me either. my brother with adhd is supporting me i might be couch surfing for a while. anyway no idea if i’m messed up big time but i’ve been wanting to move out since 15 so it might be a opportunity in disguise [/INST] nta and i think you should considering moving out asap. with another family member or friend... whatever it takes. you’ve spoken to your doctor and your medication is a priority for you and your health, if your dad can’t see that then he will play a role in the downfall of your health. </s>
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AITA for not paying for my girlfriends dinner after the deal we made?
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my girlfriend used to be anorexic before i met her. at some point in late high school, she turned it around and normalized to a healthy weight. we’re both rising seniors in college at the moment and went out for dinner tonight.
she’s not from the most financially well off family, and she’s a great hard working individual, though can sometimes not meet liquidity requirements.
once covid hit, she got really scared that she was going to gain weight and tried really hard to not gain any weight and saw a therapist to help.
she did gain a less than minimal amount of weigh though (though she’s still “normal” and i love the way she looks), but she’s not happy with it. she wants to get back to the former super healthy weight she was at before covid and so came up with an idea that she would pay for her portion of all our dates.
problem is she hit $0 tonight by accident and was declined. i felt like i should not budge and pay for he because of the deal as it’s way she wanted. she ended up having to call her bank to allow overdraft and approve it.
she ended up overdrafting and was charged an extra $30 or so for it. now she’s annoyed i didn’t agree to pay. i normally do, but should i have now too?
| 2,178 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vuq8he/aita_for_not_paying_for_my_girlfriends_dinner/
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2022-07-09 01:26:32
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yta. you don't stand there and watch someone drown because they should have known better than get in the water.
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yta. she has disordered eating. this is never the time to play games, or add anxiety to meals, or draw attention to meals. if you are going to date this woman, you need to talk to her therapist on how to support her. this garbage is not helpful.
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yta
here, let me hit you with an analogy:
> my girlfriend is trying to lose weight and get into better shape, so she asked me to let her bike between work and home (it's only a 15-minute ride) instead of driving her every day, as it's good exercise and will keep her motivated to not be lazy. and it also saves me on gas money.
>well, today she sprained her ankle, but i felt like i shouldn't budge. so she had to call an uber to take her home.
> am i the asshole?
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yta... you literally watched her be embarrassed about a declined card, have to call her bank, stress about overdraft fees, and didnt just think, "i got this, we'll sort it out later" ? just say you don't love her and go, dude
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yta. she’s anorexic- restricting food and body dysmorphia is part of her eating disorder. do not comment on her body, stop saying things like “her super healthy weight” and stop assisting her in restricting her food (by not paying for her even if she can’t afford it)- you need to learn about eating disorders and how to be a good partner to someone with one.
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yta. she’s the one who wants to pay for the dates, if she changes her mind you should accept that immediately. honestly paying to motivate herself to eat less sounds super unhealthy for someone with a disordered eating history. holding her to it on principle is just encouraging her disorder, well done.
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there's a difference between not paying to help her out... and not paying and embarrassing her and causing her more financial loss... yta
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yta. she ran out of money by accident. it was a one off. at the very least, pay for it and she'll owe you.
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how does her paying for her part of the meal have anything to do with weight gain?
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what the hell is wrong with you? pay for it next time you cheapskate
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my girlfriend used to be anorexic before i met her. at some point in late high school, she turned it around and normalized to a healthy weight. we’re both rising seniors in college at the moment and went out for dinner tonight. she’s not from the most financially well off family, and she’s a great hard working individual, though can sometimes not meet liquidity requirements. once covid hit, she got really scared that she was going to gain weight and tried really hard to not gain any weight and saw a therapist to help. she did gain a less than minimal amount of weigh though (though she’s still “normal” and i love the way she looks), but she’s not happy with it. she wants to get back to the former super healthy weight she was at before covid and so came up with an idea that she would pay for her portion of all our dates. problem is she hit $0 tonight by accident and was declined. i felt like i should not budge and pay for he because of the deal as it’s way she wanted. she ended up having to call her bank to allow overdraft and approve it. she ended up overdrafting and was charged an extra $30 or so for it. now she’s annoyed i didn’t agree to pay. i normally do, but should i have now too?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriend used to be anorexic before i met her. at some point in late high school, she turned it around and normalized to a healthy weight. we’re both rising seniors in college at the moment and went out for dinner tonight. she’s not from the most financially well off family, and she’s a great hard working individual, though can sometimes not meet liquidity requirements. once covid hit, she got really scared that she was going to gain weight and tried really hard to not gain any weight and saw a therapist to help. she did gain a less than minimal amount of weigh though (though she’s still “normal” and i love the way she looks), but she’s not happy with it. she wants to get back to the former super healthy weight she was at before covid and so came up with an idea that she would pay for her portion of all our dates. problem is she hit $0 tonight by accident and was declined. i felt like i should not budge and pay for he because of the deal as it’s way she wanted. she ended up having to call her bank to allow overdraft and approve it. she ended up overdrafting and was charged an extra $30 or so for it. now she’s annoyed i didn’t agree to pay. i normally do, but should i have now too? [/INST] yta. you don't stand there and watch someone drown because they should have known better than get in the water. </s>
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AITA for wanting to be included in a dinner conversation?
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i was invited to dinner with my boyfriend's siblings and other relatives. we were a smallish group at a restaurant. they all speak english and another language (i won't name it). one of the relatives was visiting from their country to practice speaking english, however the others were all born in out country.
for the duration of the dinner, the conversation was exclusively in their language and i was excluded by the fact that i do not speak the language (new relationship, not long enough to have started learning the language especially not to a conversational standard). i was completely bored and as i am very shy, not confident enough to say anything.
i'm not sure if i'm the ah as i've discussed it with my boyfriend and he thinks that i'm overreacting and that i'm selfish and borderline racist for thinking they should have had the conversation in the common language of the group.
| 279 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/krnat0/aita_for_wanting_to_be_included_in_a_dinner/
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2021-01-06 12:52:28
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nta
it's very rude, but if you don't speak that language and the relative doesn't speak english, one of you were going to be excluded anyway, so i kind of get why they prioritized family above you. it's still very rude to do the whole dinner, though wtf. i would have taken it as an opportunity to eat in peace without all the questions, but that might just be me being introverted :p
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nta, it's rude and demeaning to speak so one person in the group is excluded. your partner claiming it is racist to want to not sit there in ignorance is stupid af.
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i once hosted a table at a charity event, using my own things to set a pretty table and centerpiece. the women who joined my table totally ignored me the whole evening. i attempted to get to know them, introduce interesting topics, ask questions. i had my young teen daughter with me. those pigs couldn’t so much as return my initial greeting, thank us, compliment the table, answer any of my questions, or give me one minute the whole evening to exchange even one sentence. no exaggeration. it was the most uncomfortable evening and i felt bad for my daughter who had been looking forward to being “grown up.”
nta
kind and generous people include people. they do not exclude them. especially when you are the outsider to their group. your so participated in your exclusion and should have insisted on a communal language.
that he expected you to sit and be silent the whole night speaks volumes to how little he values you. that he didn’t want you to be an active part of the dinner conversation would be a huge 🚩
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nah except your boyfriend. he should have been including you in the conversation or translating for you so that you could participate a little bit. i’m failing to see how this is racist though, since speaking any language that you don’t understand is rude - if you only spoke korean and they were only speaking english, would that still be racist?
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nta. you literally said the relative was visiting to practice speaking english. how is he practicing anything if they speak the other language? the conversation should have been in english with (probably frequent) translations of unknown words. this would have helped you and the relative.
it sounds like you weren’t really wanted there. this is where you visit the bathroom, call a friend to call you with an ‘emergency’ in 5 minutes, wait, then gracefully excuse yourself and get a taxi home.
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nta. if everyone there had the ability to converse in a common language then that should have been what was used in the conversation, if not at least used to include you. sure it's a bit selfish, but it's justified selfishness. if a group of four people got together to play card games and all of them knew how to play go-fish but only three of them knew how to play blackjack i'd hope they play go-fish so the one person is included. its not you being against blackjack, its just that you only understand how to play go-fish. so your boyfriend saying you're being borderline racist is wrong and is the ah in this scenario in my opinion.
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and not one of them could turn to you and talk separately to you in english for 5 minutes? really? not one?
you are not overreacting, being selfish or a borderline racist. they are rude. they ignored one guest in favour of the other.
nta
has your bf ignored or downplayed your opinions before?
if no, then it go through to the keeper this once - it may literally be because excitement due to the overseas guest.
if yes or this happens again then time for a new bf.
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this is not right.
my parents speak many languages and sometimes slip into them when talking. we are all used to it but not new people.
when my bf joined us for dinner, i did the polite thing and explained what they were saying. my parents would apologize and try to stay in english. when a family friend once joined us, i translated to my bf at the time. your bf should have attempted to include you.
you are not being racist! he is an ass for not including you.
you might want to open your eyes to how much of a priority you are to him. you are not a decoration to sit beside him and not be included in an entire dinner. your bf and his entire family was rude, rude, rude!
nta but your bf and family certainly are!
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0.000646 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was invited to dinner with my boyfriend's siblings and other relatives. we were a smallish group at a restaurant. they all speak english and another language (i won't name it). one of the relatives was visiting from their country to practice speaking english, however the others were all born in out country. for the duration of the dinner, the conversation was exclusively in their language and i was excluded by the fact that i do not speak the language (new relationship, not long enough to have started learning the language especially not to a conversational standard). i was completely bored and as i am very shy, not confident enough to say anything. i'm not sure if i'm the ah as i've discussed it with my boyfriend and he thinks that i'm overreacting and that i'm selfish and borderline racist for thinking they should have had the conversation in the common language of the group.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i was invited to dinner with my boyfriend's siblings and other relatives. we were a smallish group at a restaurant. they all speak english and another language (i won't name it). one of the relatives was visiting from their country to practice speaking english, however the others were all born in out country. for the duration of the dinner, the conversation was exclusively in their language and i was excluded by the fact that i do not speak the language (new relationship, not long enough to have started learning the language especially not to a conversational standard). i was completely bored and as i am very shy, not confident enough to say anything. i'm not sure if i'm the ah as i've discussed it with my boyfriend and he thinks that i'm overreacting and that i'm selfish and borderline racist for thinking they should have had the conversation in the common language of the group. [/INST] nta it's very rude, but if you don't speak that language and the relative doesn't speak english, one of you were going to be excluded anyway, so i kind of get why they prioritized family above you. it's still very rude to do the whole dinner, though wtf. i would have taken it as an opportunity to eat in peace without all the questions, but that might just be me being introverted :p </s>
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AITA for asking my husband to check on me while playing video games?
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my husband is an avid computer gamer - mostly wow-type games. approximately five nights of the week, he'll play games online from the time that our son goes to bed at 8:00 or 8:30 to about 12:30, so at least four continuous hours. that in itself is not at all an issue for our relationship. he spends plenty of time with me and our son, and i have my own hobbies that he isn't interested in that i engage in when he's online.
a few nights ago i was doing laundry while he was playing online, and i stepped on a toy that my son had left on the basement stairs. i fell pretty hard and dropped the basket. luckily because of the way my weight was shifted i fell backwards rather than forwards, resulting in a bruise on my butt but i was otherwise fine. the laundry basket clattered down the stairs, ricocheted off some basement furniture, shot laundry everywhere. it was a huge racket. it woke up my son. my husband, who had his headphones on, heard literally nothing.
it dawned on me that if something really bad happened to me, my husband wouldn't know about it for potentially four hours - like what if i broke my leg falling down the stairs? so i asked if he would be willing, for my peace of mind, to just pop out of his office at the mid-point each night just to check on me. like literally, just say hi and go back to gaming. he thinks this is a huge overreaction and a waste of time. i know for a fact that he isn't actively playing the entire time and he sometimes takes breaks to go to the bathroom or get a snack or whatever, so how is this different? aita?
| 25,533 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hnn6gj/aita_for_asking_my_husband_to_check_on_me_while/
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2020-07-08 19:03:54
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nta - my so is a gamer similar to yours and in between games he has always came to check on me, kiss me etc. he has always done this from when we were dating to now living together. i think it’s really important, not only to check up on you but to let you know he is thinking of you (or maybe i have gotten used to it!!)
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nta i think that’s a fair compromise for him playing wow 5 nights a week for four hours
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nta. i don’t know much about wow, but every game has some kind of breaking point in it that leaves time to go and do little things (like going to the bathroom). all you’re asking for is some peace of mind that he, as your husband, should be happy to do for you.
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nta, there's a story somewhere on reddit about a guy upstairs playing games with noise cancelling headphones. people broke in and attacked his wife (possibly sexually assaulted her, i can't remember). this is a totally valid request.
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nta: i do it all the time for my wife, don’t see why he can’t.
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nta. this is a basic courtesy you are asking for from someone who is your partner and is supposed to care for you.
it's funny because this is something that actually happened-ish to myself and my husband a few years ago. i was taking a bath and he was playing video games. i dropped something and it made a very loud noise which he heard. like 5 minutes later he checked on me and asked if i was ok. i asked about the delay, curious as to why he was checking now, and he said he wanted to wait until his he loaded, since he wasn't sure something was wrong. i explained that if something were i might already be dead by the time he checked. now i can't drop the shampoo without him making sure i am ok.
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nta. i had this same issue with my husband the other day. he was playing with headphones on and i was in the kitchen putting dishes away (i’m pregnant btw) and the whole cabinet came off the wall and almost crushed me! i reacted super quickly and caught it and began screaming for help and nothing. a neighbor came in running before my husband even noticed. i was pretty shook. i told him he needed to lower the volume cause the baby and i could’ve been seriously hurt if the neighbor hadn’t come to help me.
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nta. this reminds me of the post where the guy was gaming with noise cancelling headphones on and didn’t realize his wife was being raped downstairs. she was being assaulted for 10 mins before he realized something was wrong...
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how about only one ear covered by the headphones? could solve both your problems.
i nta. but i think the timing is off as he thinks you're simply doing this simply because you fell down. which to men doesn't necessarily make sense
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nta
i was engaged to a gamer who would literally play all day (lost his job and refused to get another one). we’re talking wake up at noon, game until 4/5am.
one day i fell in the shower - products smashed all over the floor, tile broken etc. loud. absolutely no reaction whatsoever. luckily i was ok apart from a few bruises and a sore head but i could have easily cracked my head open. i just kinda sat there crying in self pity for a while, then went back out and he just completely ignored the obvious mess i was in - asked him also to check in and got a hard no.
yeah... he’s gone now.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband is an avid computer gamer - mostly wow-type games. approximately five nights of the week, he'll play games online from the time that our son goes to bed at 8:00 or 8:30 to about 12:30, so at least four continuous hours. that in itself is not at all an issue for our relationship. he spends plenty of time with me and our son, and i have my own hobbies that he isn't interested in that i engage in when he's online. a few nights ago i was doing laundry while he was playing online, and i stepped on a toy that my son had left on the basement stairs. i fell pretty hard and dropped the basket. luckily because of the way my weight was shifted i fell backwards rather than forwards, resulting in a bruise on my butt but i was otherwise fine. the laundry basket clattered down the stairs, ricocheted off some basement furniture, shot laundry everywhere. it was a huge racket. it woke up my son. my husband, who had his headphones on, heard literally nothing. it dawned on me that if something really bad happened to me, my husband wouldn't know about it for potentially four hours - like what if i broke my leg falling down the stairs? so i asked if he would be willing, for my peace of mind, to just pop out of his office at the mid-point each night just to check on me. like literally, just say hi and go back to gaming. he thinks this is a huge overreaction and a waste of time. i know for a fact that he isn't actively playing the entire time and he sometimes takes breaks to go to the bathroom or get a snack or whatever, so how is this different? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband is an avid computer gamer - mostly wow-type games. approximately five nights of the week, he'll play games online from the time that our son goes to bed at 8:00 or 8:30 to about 12:30, so at least four continuous hours. that in itself is not at all an issue for our relationship. he spends plenty of time with me and our son, and i have my own hobbies that he isn't interested in that i engage in when he's online. a few nights ago i was doing laundry while he was playing online, and i stepped on a toy that my son had left on the basement stairs. i fell pretty hard and dropped the basket. luckily because of the way my weight was shifted i fell backwards rather than forwards, resulting in a bruise on my butt but i was otherwise fine. the laundry basket clattered down the stairs, ricocheted off some basement furniture, shot laundry everywhere. it was a huge racket. it woke up my son. my husband, who had his headphones on, heard literally nothing. it dawned on me that if something really bad happened to me, my husband wouldn't know about it for potentially four hours - like what if i broke my leg falling down the stairs? so i asked if he would be willing, for my peace of mind, to just pop out of his office at the mid-point each night just to check on me. like literally, just say hi and go back to gaming. he thinks this is a huge overreaction and a waste of time. i know for a fact that he isn't actively playing the entire time and he sometimes takes breaks to go to the bathroom or get a snack or whatever, so how is this different? aita? [/INST] nta - my so is a gamer similar to yours and in between games he has always came to check on me, kiss me etc. he has always done this from when we were dating to now living together. i think it’s really important, not only to check up on you but to let you know he is thinking of you (or maybe i have gotten used to it!!) </s>
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AITA for not giving my ex our sons birth certificate?
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my ex and i broke up a few years ago. it was a shit show of a relationship and i escaped with our child who was only 2 at the time. during our relationship my mil was the most interfering, ignorant, rude, selfish person i have ever had the displeasure to meet. she stuck her nose in at every opportunity she could.
there came a time when my ex and his mother were ignoring the way i wanted to parent my child. the way in which myself and ex had discussed and agreed on - it was almost as if she had some special superpower that made her son immediately bend to her will and do whatever she wanted. she started to ask for a copy of our child’s birth certificate. i was a little uneasy about this as i wouldn’t put it past her to illegally apply for a passport for my child and take them out the country without our consent. i politely declined a copy of the birth certificate but offered to lend one if she needed it to set up the savings account she had mentioned in the past. this was not good enough for her and she caused a stink.
moving forward a couple of years i am now a single parent. my ex barely bothers to see his child, ask about his child or support his child. we are managing fine by ourselves and i cut all direct communication with my ex when he decided to start calling me all names under the sun. he now contacts me through either of our mothers and i still make sure my child video calls him every week.
here is where i’m not sure if i am the ah or not. a couple of weeks ago after causing nothing but heartache for my child, problems for me and not talking to me since march he asked me for a ‘favour’. he wanted the details of our child’s birth so that he could order birth certificates. 1. he knows exactly when/where our child was born having been there and was also there to register the birth which is all he needs to obtain a copy and 2. i again have that gut wrenching feeling that he might try to obtain a passport without telling me and trying to take our child out the country. so i didn’t respond. is it my fault if he can’t remember his child’s birth details he needs to order a copy? am i the ah?
update/info: we are in the uk. my child already has a passport which is in my possession though i still wouldn’t put it past my ex to claim it lost/stolen and illegally try to obtain a new one.
i am in current talks with a solicitor regarding everything else, lack of support, lack of visitation, lack of concern etc (he didn’t even come to be with our child for his surgery a couple of months ago). this birth certificate is a fairly new issue so i will mention it to my solicitor next week.
my solicitor also offered my ex supervised visitation at a contact centre until he can prove he can be consistent and reliable to which he denied so i presume he is looking to take me to court.
also, i opened a savings account for my child several years ago which is attached to my own account, apparently one of the best in the country. i’m not sure how many savings accounts are able to be opened on his behalf e.g. by my ex or ex mother in law.
| 1,014 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jtvhpi/aita_for_not_giving_my_ex_our_sons_birth/
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2020-11-14 04:06:57
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nta - something smells fishy here. you may need a lawyer. r/legaladvice
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nta please get a custody agreement asap
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nta, like you said, he should remember the details of his own child’s birth. not your job to remember that stuff for him. whether or not his plans for a birth certificate are nefarious, you don’t have to provide him with information he should know.
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info: have you looked into the rules around passports? where i live two parents have to sign or prove why one cannot. also if you already have a passport for your child they can’t get another one for same country same time.
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nta. go to court and claim that he shouldn't be able to see your son because he hasn't been supporting you in any way. that way you won't have to worry about him trying to kidnap your son.
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nta. do what's best for your child within your legal abilities. (i.e., don't risk your custody and get a lawyer asap)
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nta - btw in the us for a minor to get a passport requires both parents to apply in person. if only 1 parent a notarized letter by the other parent; i believe (could be wrong). to leave the country said minor needs both parents or notarized letter from non-present parent authorizing. not that they can’t forge signatures.... but there are some safeguards. but you are not the ah. i would trust either one. if he can’t remember; so sorry so sad.
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[deleted]
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nta, i would be extremely suspicious as well.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my ex and i broke up a few years ago. it was a shit show of a relationship and i escaped with our child who was only 2 at the time. during our relationship my mil was the most interfering, ignorant, rude, selfish person i have ever had the displeasure to meet. she stuck her nose in at every opportunity she could. there came a time when my ex and his mother were ignoring the way i wanted to parent my child. the way in which myself and ex had discussed and agreed on - it was almost as if she had some special superpower that made her son immediately bend to her will and do whatever she wanted. she started to ask for a copy of our child’s birth certificate. i was a little uneasy about this as i wouldn’t put it past her to illegally apply for a passport for my child and take them out the country without our consent. i politely declined a copy of the birth certificate but offered to lend one if she needed it to set up the savings account she had mentioned in the past. this was not good enough for her and she caused a stink. moving forward a couple of years i am now a single parent. my ex barely bothers to see his child, ask about his child or support his child. we are managing fine by ourselves and i cut all direct communication with my ex when he decided to start calling me all names under the sun. he now contacts me through either of our mothers and i still make sure my child video calls him every week. here is where i’m not sure if i am the ah or not. a couple of weeks ago after causing nothing but heartache for my child, problems for me and not talking to me since march he asked me for a ‘favour’. he wanted the details of our child’s birth so that he could order birth certificates. 1. he knows exactly when/where our child was born having been there and was also there to register the birth which is all he needs to obtain a copy and 2. i again have that gut wrenching feeling that he might try to obtain a passport without telling me and trying to take our child out the country. so i didn’t respond. is it my fault if he can’t remember his child’s birth details he needs to order a copy? am i the ah? update/info: we are in the uk. my child already has a passport which is in my possession though i still wouldn’t put it past my ex to claim it lost/stolen and illegally try to obtain a new one. i am in current talks with a solicitor regarding everything else, lack of support, lack of visitation, lack of concern etc (he didn’t even come to be with our child for his surgery a couple of months ago). this birth certificate is a fairly new issue so i will mention it to my solicitor next week. my solicitor also offered my ex supervised visitation at a contact centre until he can prove he can be consistent and reliable to which he denied so i presume he is looking to take me to court. also, i opened a savings account for my child several years ago which is attached to my own account, apparently one of the best in the country. i’m not sure how many savings accounts are able to be opened on his behalf e.g. by my ex or ex mother in law.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my ex and i broke up a few years ago. it was a shit show of a relationship and i escaped with our child who was only 2 at the time. during our relationship my mil was the most interfering, ignorant, rude, selfish person i have ever had the displeasure to meet. she stuck her nose in at every opportunity she could. there came a time when my ex and his mother were ignoring the way i wanted to parent my child. the way in which myself and ex had discussed and agreed on - it was almost as if she had some special superpower that made her son immediately bend to her will and do whatever she wanted. she started to ask for a copy of our child’s birth certificate. i was a little uneasy about this as i wouldn’t put it past her to illegally apply for a passport for my child and take them out the country without our consent. i politely declined a copy of the birth certificate but offered to lend one if she needed it to set up the savings account she had mentioned in the past. this was not good enough for her and she caused a stink. moving forward a couple of years i am now a single parent. my ex barely bothers to see his child, ask about his child or support his child. we are managing fine by ourselves and i cut all direct communication with my ex when he decided to start calling me all names under the sun. he now contacts me through either of our mothers and i still make sure my child video calls him every week. here is where i’m not sure if i am the ah or not. a couple of weeks ago after causing nothing but heartache for my child, problems for me and not talking to me since march he asked me for a ‘favour’. he wanted the details of our child’s birth so that he could order birth certificates. 1. he knows exactly when/where our child was born having been there and was also there to register the birth which is all he needs to obtain a copy and 2. i again have that gut wrenching feeling that he might try to obtain a passport without telling me and trying to take our child out the country. so i didn’t respond. is it my fault if he can’t remember his child’s birth details he needs to order a copy? am i the ah? update/info: we are in the uk. my child already has a passport which is in my possession though i still wouldn’t put it past my ex to claim it lost/stolen and illegally try to obtain a new one. i am in current talks with a solicitor regarding everything else, lack of support, lack of visitation, lack of concern etc (he didn’t even come to be with our child for his surgery a couple of months ago). this birth certificate is a fairly new issue so i will mention it to my solicitor next week. my solicitor also offered my ex supervised visitation at a contact centre until he can prove he can be consistent and reliable to which he denied so i presume he is looking to take me to court. also, i opened a savings account for my child several years ago which is attached to my own account, apparently one of the best in the country. i’m not sure how many savings accounts are able to be opened on his behalf e.g. by my ex or ex mother in law. [/INST] nta - something smells fishy here. you may need a lawyer. r/legaladvice </s>
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AITA for not wanting my husband's drug dealing daughter to come and live with us?
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my husband has a 20 year old daughter, "melissa", from a previous relationship.
melissa has always lived with her mum, but my husband and i have tried our best to be involved in her life. to be honest, she's always been a bit of a handful. fairly bright at school but she got into a lot of fights and other things which resulted in her getting kicked out. she then ended up going to facilities for other excluded kids which didn't do her any good either.
when melissa was 16, she began wearing nicer clothes when visiting us. nice dresses and shoes etc. she even had a pair of cartier earrings. she claimed that a friend of her mum had taken her on as a cleaner, and we didn't disbelieve her. i was glad she was making an effort to sort her life out.
two years later her mum's place was raided and melissa was arrested for supplying drugs. she got a four year sentence, which here in the uk means she was released after two years. we visited her a few times in prison, and she seemed like she really wanted to go straight when she came out, and we wanted to fully support her.
she was released a month ago. we saw her and it all seemed ok. unfortunately her mum called my husband a few days back, and said she'd found out melissa is dealing again and so she wants her to leave.
my husband said he doesn't mind his daughter staying here. i'm not so sure however. i don't want to be raided by police if she gets caught again. we also have a daughter of our own together, "katie". she is 14. i feel like melissa would be a terrible influence on her. i wouldn't even put it past her to try to groom or recruit our daughter and use her to sell drugs at her school.
husband and i have been arguing the past few days. he says melissa has nowhere else to go. i understand that, but we have to think about the safety of our daughter and our home first. if her drug dealing pays her enough to buy clothes and jewellery, then it can pay her enough to find somewhere to live.
| 2,772 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ocfx3i/aita_for_not_wanting_my_husbands_drug_dealing/
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2021-07-02 18:18:16
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nta- because she could really affect your other daughter...
tell him this: if he harbors a known drug dealer and you guys get raided, they can take.your other daughter away for child abuse/neglect (for.having her near drugs)
if he does bring her in, you should.move out with family because your daughters life might get ruined
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nta- if melissa gets caught with drugs in your home, cps can get involved and your child can be taken away. absolutely freaking not.
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nta.
i've had my house raided before because of a roommate. it really really really sucks and can make you feel just violated as they tear up everything in your house. i still have holes in walls in my house. it was very scary to be woken up by my backdoor being slammed out of the frame and guns right in my face.
this girl is i'm assuming an adult now and should be on her own. it sounds like she's had plenty of chances and you have a minor daughter to take care of who should always come first. she is litterally a child who shouldn't be around someone who can cause harm and disruption in the home. if she is selling drugs she will bring that into the home and she can bring a plethora of problems to your door-some as big enough to get your daughter killed.
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nta
i would never ever let a “melissa” around my kids. ever. i would never want my kids influenced or endangered.
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nta. your husband thinks you should let a drug dealer move in? did he recently hit his head really hard? that's the only explanation i can think of for this type of new lunacy.
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nta. my daughter was melissa. for the sake of my son, i had to tell her she could not move back home. hardest decision i ever made. you cannot jeopardize your entire family to save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. maybe some day she will want it. you’ll have to leave that up to her.
i’m sorry.
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nta
it’s your house too and you do need to think about the minor who is living under your roof over the adult who’s making money.
worse comes to worse, you may want to consider taking your daughter with you somewhere safe or kicking husband out
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nta. aside from her negative influence, what happens if she keeps her merchandise in your house and it is raided? you could loose everything. there is too much risk taking her in.
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nta. but about to offer advice as someone from the uk, not america, because a lot of the comments are american, and whilst not wrong, don't apply here in the same way.
first of all, there is a very high chance melissa is vulnerable, and being used considering her age. if she's involved in something such as county lines (highly possible considering age etc) then there could be a whole host of other hidden problems. i would seriously consider tackling this head on. consider telling her you're aware that she's dealing again, and try and find out why. if she's being exploited, coerced, controlled or anything else then she may actually need help escaping the situation. there are resources that can help. whilst reddit on the whole and by the large are anti-police (don't get me wrong, having seen how american cops behave, i get it) but there's a whole bunch of officers in the uk who would assist if there was a need, and could make a difference. the other problem in relation to this is if she ends up living alone the likelihood of her becoming even more heavily involved in criminality is high. cuckooing is also a common issue.
it may be that having been to prison she can't see any other paths forward for herself, and just doesn't know how else to make money, especially considering how many jobs now require dbs checks.
whilst i think it's right to be worried about your 14 year old and the negative impact that her presence could have, if you or your husband feel able to at least have these conversations with her it would give you an idea about all of the risk factors. yes they would be difficult conversations, but could also allow you to make unbiased decisions. if she's combative or unwilling to have them, then your answer becomes very obvious very quickly.
does she have a probation worker? if so that may be another path worth exploring as their may be more that can be done for her.
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nta. bringing her in creates an unsafe space for your daughter. the only way this should be an option is if she shows she’s not dealing. if your husband and his ex are so concerned for her, they can rent her a place. you will get raided again, she’s already on the police radar and given she was caught, doesn’t seem bright enough to avoid them again.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband has a 20 year old daughter, "melissa", from a previous relationship. melissa has always lived with her mum, but my husband and i have tried our best to be involved in her life. to be honest, she's always been a bit of a handful. fairly bright at school but she got into a lot of fights and other things which resulted in her getting kicked out. she then ended up going to facilities for other excluded kids which didn't do her any good either. when melissa was 16, she began wearing nicer clothes when visiting us. nice dresses and shoes etc. she even had a pair of cartier earrings. she claimed that a friend of her mum had taken her on as a cleaner, and we didn't disbelieve her. i was glad she was making an effort to sort her life out. two years later her mum's place was raided and melissa was arrested for supplying drugs. she got a four year sentence, which here in the uk means she was released after two years. we visited her a few times in prison, and she seemed like she really wanted to go straight when she came out, and we wanted to fully support her. she was released a month ago. we saw her and it all seemed ok. unfortunately her mum called my husband a few days back, and said she'd found out melissa is dealing again and so she wants her to leave. my husband said he doesn't mind his daughter staying here. i'm not so sure however. i don't want to be raided by police if she gets caught again. we also have a daughter of our own together, "katie". she is 14. i feel like melissa would be a terrible influence on her. i wouldn't even put it past her to try to groom or recruit our daughter and use her to sell drugs at her school. husband and i have been arguing the past few days. he says melissa has nowhere else to go. i understand that, but we have to think about the safety of our daughter and our home first. if her drug dealing pays her enough to buy clothes and jewellery, then it can pay her enough to find somewhere to live.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband has a 20 year old daughter, "melissa", from a previous relationship. melissa has always lived with her mum, but my husband and i have tried our best to be involved in her life. to be honest, she's always been a bit of a handful. fairly bright at school but she got into a lot of fights and other things which resulted in her getting kicked out. she then ended up going to facilities for other excluded kids which didn't do her any good either. when melissa was 16, she began wearing nicer clothes when visiting us. nice dresses and shoes etc. she even had a pair of cartier earrings. she claimed that a friend of her mum had taken her on as a cleaner, and we didn't disbelieve her. i was glad she was making an effort to sort her life out. two years later her mum's place was raided and melissa was arrested for supplying drugs. she got a four year sentence, which here in the uk means she was released after two years. we visited her a few times in prison, and she seemed like she really wanted to go straight when she came out, and we wanted to fully support her. she was released a month ago. we saw her and it all seemed ok. unfortunately her mum called my husband a few days back, and said she'd found out melissa is dealing again and so she wants her to leave. my husband said he doesn't mind his daughter staying here. i'm not so sure however. i don't want to be raided by police if she gets caught again. we also have a daughter of our own together, "katie". she is 14. i feel like melissa would be a terrible influence on her. i wouldn't even put it past her to try to groom or recruit our daughter and use her to sell drugs at her school. husband and i have been arguing the past few days. he says melissa has nowhere else to go. i understand that, but we have to think about the safety of our daughter and our home first. if her drug dealing pays her enough to buy clothes and jewellery, then it can pay her enough to find somewhere to live. [/INST] nta- because she could really affect your other daughter... tell him this: if he harbors a known drug dealer and you guys get raided, they can take.your other daughter away for child abuse/neglect (for.having her near drugs) if he does bring her in, you should.move out with family because your daughters life might get ruined </s>
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AITA for telling my(38F) daughter(17F) that she'll have parental controls on her phone as long as I'm paying the bills?
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my daughter has accepted a job offer and she needs an app so the job can know if she's done everything she needs to and so she can get paid for her time. last night she asked if i could put the appstore on her phone so she could get it and i said that i'd do it tomorrow(or today). she said that waiting for the appstore is annoying and so is having parental controls on her phone in general. i told her that she's free to start saving for her own phone and her own phone plans with the money she earns from her job but she said that the money she was saving was for her graduation trip with some friends.
&#x200b;
apparently she complained to her dad about having parental controls and he said that, yeah, it seems controlling. i don't think so, i'm just protecting her from things and certain sites. i feel like she shouldn't have complained to her dad about this and i'm mad that he's taking her side. his argument is that she's almost an adult and that, by telling her what she can do, i'm telling her what she can and can't do with her friends.
&#x200b;
aita? i don't think i am.
| 2,757 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p1318i/aita_for_telling_my38f_daughter17f_that_shell/
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2021-08-09 14:54:05
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yta. she's 17, she's old enough to protect herself from "things and certain sites." a 17-year-old shouldn't need to ask their mom if they can download an app for work.
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yta
you are mad she talked about parenting decisions with her father? you act really immature and controlling. you are in fact not protecting her in any way.
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> i feel like she shouldn't have complained to her dad about this
oh, really? because generally when people really don't see how anything is wrong with their actions, they don't mind if the actions are talked about.
anyway, yta. she's 17, not 7.
also,
>i'm just protecting her from things and certain sites.
this translates to "i don't rhink my nearly adult daughter is smart enough to keep herself safe on the internet"
what, do you think she's stupid?
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yta. i’m all for parental controls but your daughter is 17 and she’s not a child anymore. this seems overbearing and controlling. try to think back when you were 17 and how you would’ve felt.
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yta
come on. she’s 17. let her download her own damn apps.
to make this worse, she is trying to be a responsible adult here and you are delaying her access to necessary apps for her work. double the ass.
loosen the reins. imagine how damaging it would be if she has to say, ‘sorry, mummy won’t put the app on my phone yet so i can’t work’. think of how ridiculous that is.
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yta. parental controls aren’t appropriate at that age- they are creepy and controlling.
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yta. i could understand this if she was 14, but at 17, that level of "protection" will only do her harm. kids are far better off understanding what potential dangers exist in the world and going into adulthood knowing what to be cautious of and how to protect themselves. seventeen is already sexually mature, so barring her from information about that is just ridiculous as well. besides, there's nothing online that she wouldn't already heard about/see at school. give her some privacy.
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is this a joke?
she's seventeen.
yes you're the asshole here.
your job as a parent is to get her ready to be on her own. how is she supposed to learn when you won't take the training wheels off? and what happens when she *is* on her own? how is she going to handle going from all these restrictions- and probably more you have told us about- to none at all?
and why would you even make her wait for such a simple request? unless you are taking a shit or cooking something you could've done it right that second. the only reason i can think of to make her wait would be an arbitrary exercise of power, and over an *app?* really?
doing it over something she needs for work reeks of sabotage. get your priorities in line.
yta.
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if this was really about protecting her, you wouldn't have said 'well get your own phone then'. you're solely wanting to control her, and lying to both her, yourself, your husband, and us, about it. yta for being a controlling dishonest asshole.
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info: why are you parental controlling a 17 year old? is there something in particular you’re concerned about?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter has accepted a job offer and she needs an app so the job can know if she's done everything she needs to and so she can get paid for her time. last night she asked if i could put the appstore on her phone so she could get it and i said that i'd do it tomorrow(or today). she said that waiting for the appstore is annoying and so is having parental controls on her phone in general. i told her that she's free to start saving for her own phone and her own phone plans with the money she earns from her job but she said that the money she was saving was for her graduation trip with some friends. &#x200b; apparently she complained to her dad about having parental controls and he said that, yeah, it seems controlling. i don't think so, i'm just protecting her from things and certain sites. i feel like she shouldn't have complained to her dad about this and i'm mad that he's taking her side. his argument is that she's almost an adult and that, by telling her what she can do, i'm telling her what she can and can't do with her friends. &#x200b; aita? i don't think i am.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter has accepted a job offer and she needs an app so the job can know if she's done everything she needs to and so she can get paid for her time. last night she asked if i could put the appstore on her phone so she could get it and i said that i'd do it tomorrow(or today). she said that waiting for the appstore is annoying and so is having parental controls on her phone in general. i told her that she's free to start saving for her own phone and her own phone plans with the money she earns from her job but she said that the money she was saving was for her graduation trip with some friends. &#x200b; apparently she complained to her dad about having parental controls and he said that, yeah, it seems controlling. i don't think so, i'm just protecting her from things and certain sites. i feel like she shouldn't have complained to her dad about this and i'm mad that he's taking her side. his argument is that she's almost an adult and that, by telling her what she can do, i'm telling her what she can and can't do with her friends. &#x200b; aita? i don't think i am. [/INST] yta. she's 17, she's old enough to protect herself from "things and certain sites." a 17-year-old shouldn't need to ask their mom if they can download an app for work. </s>
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AITA? My friend accused me of ruining her vacation because I wouldn't go on a tourist bus tour with her.
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i recently went on a city break with my friend and her two children (10 and 15). on the last day, she wanted to go on a tourist bus tour of the city. i looked up the price and saw it cost something like 40 $ per person. i told her i thought it was too expensive for me, considering we had already spent 5 days in the city and had basically seen 90 per cent of the stuff on the tour.
she threw a tantrum, told me i had ruined her mood and the overall impression of the trip. she also claimed that she had agreed to visit things i wanted, so i should do the same. thing is, we had agreed on a common schedule, and the two museums she used as examples fit well in our schedule, and were enjoyed by her children - the visits were definitely not a favour to.me, and i told her that.
she then told me not to treat her with superiority, and that she didn't want to do anything anymore, because i had ruined things for her.
her oldest child said we should go on the tour after all, and in the end we.went.
this is the second time on a trip she has thrown a tantrum for something unjustified - from my point of.view. she had a similar outburst on a previous trip.
so, aita?
| 534 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r6d72x/aita_my_friend_accused_me_of_ruining_her_vacation/
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2021-12-01 12:00:43
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nta but stop going on trips with this child woman
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nta, but if she’s done the same on earlier trips you knew what you were signing up for. so in future plan separate holidays or expect this to happen again (and stop moaning about it).
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**nta**
you are entitled to change your mind and she could have gone on the bus your without you.
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nta you spent nearly a week in the city sight seeing and the last day you didn't want to tour what you've already seen. she could have gone without you and met up with you later.
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>on the last day, she wanted to go on a tourist bus tour of the city. i looked up the price and saw it cost something like 40 $ per person. i told her i thought it was too expensive for me, considering we had already spent 5 days in the city and had basically seen 90 per cent of the stuff on the tour.
those bus tours can be pretty good, but $40 a person is a lot of money. it's good for pictures and having a quick peek at the places you've not been able to visit, but shouldn't be something you're made to do. since she's your friend, and these aren't your kids, couldn't they have gone on it without you?
nta
>she threw a tantrum, told me i had ruined her mood and the overall impression of the trip
>she didn't want to do anything anymore, because i had ruined things for her
>in the end we.went.
>this is the second time on a trip she has thrown a tantrum for something unjustified
she's throwing a tantrum because you don't want to do a bus tour? how old is she? it comes to something when the 15 year old is having to step in.
a lot of people wouldn't go on holiday with their friend and their kids. you're not an asshole, because you went and you've compromised on plans so the kids could have a good time.
the kids aren't assholes, because they're kids dealing with a stroppy parent.
your friend is an asshole for having a temper tantrum because you didn't want to do a $40 bus tour. thing is, she likely knows that even if she's humiliating herself and the three of you, you'll back down if she does it.
maybe you should have a chat with her after the holiday is over, and tell her that you're not okay with her throwing a tantrum at you. you're both adults, and she was making you feel uncomfortable to get her own way. heck, even let her know that her kids have outgrown that, because she needs to understand that what she did is not okay. in your shoes, i wouldn't be going on holiday with her again, since that's a recurring behaviour.
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nta - i personally find it’s impossible to be friends with people like this. they want to do the same thing as you, and then later claim they were lying about wanting to, but only doing it to earn points so that you’d do something you dislike later.
i have had zero success getting these people on a system of “let’s hang out but only if we want to do the same thing.” they consider that selfish. they believe friendship requires constant sacrifice.
i don’t believe in constant sacrifice during my leisure activities so cya
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nta
who cares if you went on the bus or not. that is just awful behavior. i hate traveling with people like that, so next time find someone else to travel with. you can tell her that you don't want to ruin any more trips for her and her children, but thanks anyway.
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info: how can your friend have a 15 year old child if she’s only 12? you didn’t specifically say how old she was, but it’s pretty easy to guess.
nta
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nta.
i would strongly recommend not going on anymore trips with her, if she doesn‘t change her behaviour.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| null | 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i recently went on a city break with my friend and her two children (10 and 15). on the last day, she wanted to go on a tourist bus tour of the city. i looked up the price and saw it cost something like 40 $ per person. i told her i thought it was too expensive for me, considering we had already spent 5 days in the city and had basically seen 90 per cent of the stuff on the tour. she threw a tantrum, told me i had ruined her mood and the overall impression of the trip. she also claimed that she had agreed to visit things i wanted, so i should do the same. thing is, we had agreed on a common schedule, and the two museums she used as examples fit well in our schedule, and were enjoyed by her children - the visits were definitely not a favour to.me, and i told her that. she then told me not to treat her with superiority, and that she didn't want to do anything anymore, because i had ruined things for her. her oldest child said we should go on the tour after all, and in the end we.went. this is the second time on a trip she has thrown a tantrum for something unjustified - from my point of.view. she had a similar outburst on a previous trip. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i recently went on a city break with my friend and her two children (10 and 15). on the last day, she wanted to go on a tourist bus tour of the city. i looked up the price and saw it cost something like 40 $ per person. i told her i thought it was too expensive for me, considering we had already spent 5 days in the city and had basically seen 90 per cent of the stuff on the tour. she threw a tantrum, told me i had ruined her mood and the overall impression of the trip. she also claimed that she had agreed to visit things i wanted, so i should do the same. thing is, we had agreed on a common schedule, and the two museums she used as examples fit well in our schedule, and were enjoyed by her children - the visits were definitely not a favour to.me, and i told her that. she then told me not to treat her with superiority, and that she didn't want to do anything anymore, because i had ruined things for her. her oldest child said we should go on the tour after all, and in the end we.went. this is the second time on a trip she has thrown a tantrum for something unjustified - from my point of.view. she had a similar outburst on a previous trip. so, aita? [/INST] nta but stop going on trips with this child woman </s>
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AITA for not wanting to lie about my fiancé not being my daughter’s biological mom?
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long story shot, my fiancé let’s call her a (24f) and i (26m) had a threesome with another woman and unfortunately that woman got pregnant. it was a drunken random thing, we didn’t think of birth control because my fiancé has always had the implant.
the woman wanted to keep the pregnancy.
after a lot of discussions with everyone involved, a and i decided to legally adopt the baby. the birth mother didn’t want to be involved, and wanted a a closed adoption.
my daughter is 2 months old now and my fiancé and i been having a difficult time. obviously our parents know the situation. no one else really knew we were getting ready for a baby.
we haven’t had the full on family friends effect yet because of what’s going on so we haven’t dealt with it yet. but a doesn’t want anyone else to know how our kid was made. obviously she wasn’t pregnant, so they know she’s not a’s. a wants us to tell people we just adopted but i don’t. i don’t want to hide the fact that i’m my daughter’s bio father. i’m proud of it to be honest. i don’t feel the need to lie and i don’t think lying will just snowball. she then said let’s come up with a surrogate story but what, she’s going to tell people she can’t naturally conceive? what happens if we want more kids down the line and she’s pregnant.
i’m pretty against lying for most things, i don’t think there’s ever a good reason to lie and that the truth will come out. i understand it being an odd situation but i guess i don’t fully grasp what she’s feeling here.
| 315 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g2t8vx/aita_for_not_wanting_to_lie_about_my_fiancé_not/
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2020-04-17 02:29:12
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yta. the surrogate thing is a happy middle. you get to be the biological dad, and she doesn’t have to let everyone know that the baby came from a threesome with another person.
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yta for having a one night stand with a stranger and not putting on a condom, the fact you want to rub your fiance's nose in that fact by publicizing the fact your the bio father without giving her a shield is a doubling down of your asshole status. that your fiance stood up and took a share of the responsibility for this child should make you proud of her, not the fact this child is biological related to you... honestly you should not be proud that you managed to fail at basic sex ed at 26.
no one is going to care in a few years where your child came from, but if you chose to make your fiance's life difficult remember she is now legally and practically your child's mother and she can make your life a living hell. spend some time in r/custody or r/divorce if you think starting a war with someone who you are legally tied to for 18 years is good for you.
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info: so your serious proposal is to tell your extended family and friends that you impregnated a woman during a threesome and your girlfriend adopted the child? just want to ensure i understand.
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yta. this is emotional right now. go with the surrogate story for now. this isn’t about just you. this is complicated. don’t fuck it up at the outset. i’m pretty sure your little kiddo could do without always being associated with how she began as well. you can tell her the truth once she’s older and it’s no one else’s fucking business.
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yta. the surrogate story works. you don't have to lie if you two have kids in the future. something like "the way it all worked out was that she got pregnant now but didn't get pregnant before". you can also just say you're not comfortable talking about it to avoid lying. medical histories are pretty private.
i'm also surprised you two didn't think of what to say about her birth parents before formally adopting your daughter?
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info: you said that your "proud of it to be honest". what exactly are you proud of? are you proud you have a daughter or proud you knocked up a ons?
it was a little unclear to me.
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technically you did get a surrogate, so yta if you don't go with that story. if she gets pregnant down the line, call it a miracle baby and move on.
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yta
your girlfriend's emotions seem much less important to you than your pride over having sperm motility and wanting to control what your friends think of the situation.
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yta - yes, you're the biological dad and you are proud of that, but maybe she's not comfortable having to explain these things every time. it's complicated to have to explain to everyone that your daughter is yours but isn't hers, especially if it was a pregnancy that resulted in a threesome. what if she wishes she was the biological mom and doesn't want others to know what happened?
for all intents and purposes, it was basically a surrogacy. you're both the parents of that kid at the end of the day, no matter what. she's your biological kid but your fiance didn't carry her. you can be proud of what happened, but i personally wouldn't necessarily want my friends or my kids to know that they were the result of that.
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info: do you really think people will ask the specific details? i think "this is our daughter" should catch everyone up to speed. maybe really close friends might need more of an explanation but are your friends really this nosey?
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.041243 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: long story shot, my fiancé let’s call her a (24f) and i (26m) had a threesome with another woman and unfortunately that woman got pregnant. it was a drunken random thing, we didn’t think of birth control because my fiancé has always had the implant. the woman wanted to keep the pregnancy. after a lot of discussions with everyone involved, a and i decided to legally adopt the baby. the birth mother didn’t want to be involved, and wanted a a closed adoption. my daughter is 2 months old now and my fiancé and i been having a difficult time. obviously our parents know the situation. no one else really knew we were getting ready for a baby. we haven’t had the full on family friends effect yet because of what’s going on so we haven’t dealt with it yet. but a doesn’t want anyone else to know how our kid was made. obviously she wasn’t pregnant, so they know she’s not a’s. a wants us to tell people we just adopted but i don’t. i don’t want to hide the fact that i’m my daughter’s bio father. i’m proud of it to be honest. i don’t feel the need to lie and i don’t think lying will just snowball. she then said let’s come up with a surrogate story but what, she’s going to tell people she can’t naturally conceive? what happens if we want more kids down the line and she’s pregnant. i’m pretty against lying for most things, i don’t think there’s ever a good reason to lie and that the truth will come out. i understand it being an odd situation but i guess i don’t fully grasp what she’s feeling here.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
long story shot, my fiancé let’s call her a (24f) and i (26m) had a threesome with another woman and unfortunately that woman got pregnant. it was a drunken random thing, we didn’t think of birth control because my fiancé has always had the implant. the woman wanted to keep the pregnancy. after a lot of discussions with everyone involved, a and i decided to legally adopt the baby. the birth mother didn’t want to be involved, and wanted a a closed adoption. my daughter is 2 months old now and my fiancé and i been having a difficult time. obviously our parents know the situation. no one else really knew we were getting ready for a baby. we haven’t had the full on family friends effect yet because of what’s going on so we haven’t dealt with it yet. but a doesn’t want anyone else to know how our kid was made. obviously she wasn’t pregnant, so they know she’s not a’s. a wants us to tell people we just adopted but i don’t. i don’t want to hide the fact that i’m my daughter’s bio father. i’m proud of it to be honest. i don’t feel the need to lie and i don’t think lying will just snowball. she then said let’s come up with a surrogate story but what, she’s going to tell people she can’t naturally conceive? what happens if we want more kids down the line and she’s pregnant. i’m pretty against lying for most things, i don’t think there’s ever a good reason to lie and that the truth will come out. i understand it being an odd situation but i guess i don’t fully grasp what she’s feeling here. [/INST] yta. the surrogate thing is a happy middle. you get to be the biological dad, and she doesn’t have to let everyone know that the baby came from a threesome with another person. </s>
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