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AITA for letting my girlfriend fall off a ladder to prove a point?
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my girlfriend and i, both 24, bought a house last year. it needed quite a lot of doing up which we haven’t had an opportunity to do until now. i’m still working, even though it’s from home, so our agreement was that she’d paint and get me to help every now and then when she needed it.
i walked into what is going to be her office to see her struggling badly. she’s just above 5ft tall and couldn’t reach anything high up even with the ladder so i obviously offered to help. she refused, saying i needed to let her do it by herself and stop looking after her all the time. i left to get a coffee and then came back.
i could see her being fairly unstable on the ladder, she’s quite badly anaemic at the minute so is a bit shaky on the floor anyways, but she still refused to let me help. she was probably about 2 metres off the floor when she fell. it was an accident waiting to happen but i didn’t stop it. she’s absolutely fine, no injuries, but she’s somehow trying to turn this into me being abusive even though i offered many times to help. aita?
| 1,610 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gx2t9w/aita_for_letting_my_girlfriend_fall_off_a_ladder/
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2020-06-05 11:30:50
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nta
while you could’ve maybe been a little less stubborn and pushed harder to help her if you knew it could’ve happened - she has no right to blame it on you, and she could’ve been less stubborn.
she told you she wanted to do it by herself.
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info: what did you gain by doing this?
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yta. even if she refused your help you still could've given her a head's up about the ladder or sat nearby just in case. it seems you care more about "proving a point" than being a good partner.
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dude you are so nta! and im sorry you are getting such results from horrible people. you are in a catch 22 situation.
if you "helped" her any more than you are a jerk for not respecting her abilities as a woman able to know her own body aka being high handed.
if you grabbed the ladder to steady it you could throw her off balance or just make her more stubborn and angry also causing her to fall since she would be more focused on you ignoring her than her own safety.
if you sat and watched you'd set her off because you don't trust that she can do the job herself.
i could literally go on with all the possible scenarios, its not hard, and yet i can't currently think of a single one where you wouldn't be turned into the bad guy.
the only way you could have turned this into a situation where you aren't a jerk is by catching her (without either of you getting hurt) and just being the "hero". even that scenario can bite you in the ass (as someone else pointed out) by her claiming she was right and was completely fine.
right now it sounds like she has some serious bruised ego syndrome. she wanted to prove that she is independent and on her opinion she failed. what she failed to realize is that if she's going to be hard headed and stubborn then there are consequences.
i mean seriously are you supposed to watch her every second like a child? because that's what she's acting like. its not your responsibility to take care of her like shes a child.
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nta. she refused help. what, should you have forced her to accept your help now?
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nta. what was the alternative to all of this? going up there and yanking her off the ladder? that would have seemed abusive to me.
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yta. you saw your partner about to fall and let it happen? in what world would you not be the ass??
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esh, yeah she was being stubborn but you just purposefully let her fall off a ladder? i get she's definitely an arse for being stubborn, but if you felt it was pretty certain she was going to fall you should at least be spotting her, i do for my partner even while i'm pretty sure he'll be fine. she needs to not let her pride get in the way and you need to stop being petty
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nta. not one fucking bit.
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esh
the difference here is between you saying:
„let me help you“, which she didn‘t want, maybe to prove she was capable of doing it and following your agreement. this makes her a bit stubborn and thus esh.
but after asking multiple times, you should have taken a different approach like: „you look a bit unstable up there, i‘m worried you‘ll fall. maybe we can find a way for you to do it that‘s safer“
she didn‘t want you to do the job for her, but you still could have tried to make it safer for her without nagging her and (at least i feel like that was her problem) making her feel like she‘s not capable. still, she should not be hurt in her pride that easily by you offering help, unless there‘s some backstory we‘re missing.
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NTA
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INFO
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YTA
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NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.539274 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my girlfriend and i, both 24, bought a house last year. it needed quite a lot of doing up which we haven’t had an opportunity to do until now. i’m still working, even though it’s from home, so our agreement was that she’d paint and get me to help every now and then when she needed it. i walked into what is going to be her office to see her struggling badly. she’s just above 5ft tall and couldn’t reach anything high up even with the ladder so i obviously offered to help. she refused, saying i needed to let her do it by herself and stop looking after her all the time. i left to get a coffee and then came back. i could see her being fairly unstable on the ladder, she’s quite badly anaemic at the minute so is a bit shaky on the floor anyways, but she still refused to let me help. she was probably about 2 metres off the floor when she fell. it was an accident waiting to happen but i didn’t stop it. she’s absolutely fine, no injuries, but she’s somehow trying to turn this into me being abusive even though i offered many times to help. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriend and i, both 24, bought a house last year. it needed quite a lot of doing up which we haven’t had an opportunity to do until now. i’m still working, even though it’s from home, so our agreement was that she’d paint and get me to help every now and then when she needed it. i walked into what is going to be her office to see her struggling badly. she’s just above 5ft tall and couldn’t reach anything high up even with the ladder so i obviously offered to help. she refused, saying i needed to let her do it by herself and stop looking after her all the time. i left to get a coffee and then came back. i could see her being fairly unstable on the ladder, she’s quite badly anaemic at the minute so is a bit shaky on the floor anyways, but she still refused to let me help. she was probably about 2 metres off the floor when she fell. it was an accident waiting to happen but i didn’t stop it. she’s absolutely fine, no injuries, but she’s somehow trying to turn this into me being abusive even though i offered many times to help. aita? [/INST] nta while you could’ve maybe been a little less stubborn and pushed harder to help her if you knew it could’ve happened - she has no right to blame it on you, and she could’ve been less stubborn. she told you she wanted to do it by herself. </s>
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AITA for referring to my fiancé as my sons father on social media?
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i have a 4 year old son from a previous relationship. i have majority custody of my son since my ex lives in a different state and has an “unpredictable” job. my ex has a few days a month when he gets our son. i won’t call my ex a complete deadbeat because he does pay most of his child support and he calls weekly to check up on our son, gives him birthday and christmas gifts and such but he is not consistent with making all his days. he only gets our son once a month and has often called to cancel or reschedule with varying excuses.
i met my fiancé about 1.5 years. ago. i introduced him to my son after we had been together for 3 months. he really stepped up to the plate to be a fatherly figure to my son and i love him for it so much. my ex and i don’t talk about our personal lives together but he knew i had a boyfriend and that he was around our son and he knew i got engaged. i don’t live with my fiancé yet but my fiancé spends many nights a week at my house now
so a few days ago my fiancé, son and i went to the park i posted 3 pics on instagram. one of them was me, my fiancé and son together at a park with the caption “family time” and another was my fiancé carrying my son over his shoulder with the caption ”father-son bonding time <3”
my ex and i do not follow each other on social media but i guess one of his friends told him about what i posted because a few hours later he’s blowing up my phone demanding to know why i’m referring to my boyfriend as our son’s father. he accused me of trying to humiliate him publicly. we got in an argument and he even threatened to try and get full custody (i know this was empty threat he would never do this lol)
i think he’s being ridiculous. my fiancé and i are planning on getting married this summer. he’s not just a boyfriend and i obviously know that my ex is my sons father but that doesn’t change the fact that my fiancé has been an amazing father figure in my sons life. he also spends much more time around my son than my ex does.
my ex thinks i’m trying to “replace him” and i’m being disrespectful.
aita here?
**
| 745 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mhfugp/aita_for_referring_to_my_fiancé_as_my_sons_father/
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2021-03-31 21:10:37
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yta...he's not his father. you know that. just apologize and be honest with people. there would be nothing wrong with saying stepfather and stepson bonding.
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yta. he's not his father, and while his father may not have custody, it's not like he's fucked off an abandoned his kid completely. not to mention the fact that you introduced him three months in--it sounds to me like you are trying to replace your ex.
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yta (said kindly) like you wrote, he is an outstanding 'father figure' but not your son's father. perhaps one day, but not now, not yet. your son of course most likely adores this man that mommy is marrying and that is awesome. but still too young to grasp fully he has a bio dad and a step-dad. one day your son may decide to bestow the honor of 'this is my dad' upon your new husband, but until then, he is not. and this opinion is from someone who re-married when she had 2 very young children but let the kids decide themselves. if your son wants to call your new husband a cute name, then let your son come up with it himself, do not prompt or suggest, pls. some step kids call their step-parent by their given name (john, steve, bob) but it doesn't mean they don't love their step parent more than life itself.
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nta.
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nta -
>he accused me of trying to humiliate him publicly.
your ex only cares about the optics. you didn't say that your ex was upset because he feels like your fiance is trying to replace him. and odds are, he's pissed because he likely tells everyone around him what a good father he is. really, if you wanted to humiliate him, you could post photos of your fiance taking your son out on special trips every time your ex cancels with the caption, "ex cancelled on son again today, but it's okay. fiance took him to 'place' to ensure he knows he does have a dad that loves him."
and your ex can threaten all he wants, no court would ever give him custody given his pattern of missed dates and back owed child support.
your fiance is your son's father in every way but one, genetically.
tell your ex he's more than welcome to come spend some bonding time whenever he chooses.
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yta, very deliberate what you are trying to do. at the end of the day his bio dad is still in your sons life and will always be his father. imagine your ex got married and took pictures with your son saying "mother and son bonding time".
no excuse
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if your son calls him dad, he's his dad. simple. my 'father' was a waste of space, and only saw him occasionally between 1-10 and nothing since. my stepfather is my dad and the only dad i've ever known or needed.
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just think, before the advent of social media, this wouldn’t even be an issue.
i’m gonna go nta. i get the impression from the op and comments that it wasn’t done intentionally to slight the bio dad. it was done for a succinct caption.
but i am surprised at all the y t a judgements here. usually in stepparent posts, the step parent is forcing the issue or alienating or outright hostile towards the child(ren). and here we are in a situation where the fiancé is stepping up and he’s being vilified for “not being the father yet.” smh. you’re engaged. it’s semantics at this point.
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yta. your son's father is in his life, so to refer to the fiance as "father" is not accurate. that doesn't negate the good relationship your kid and fiance have, but it also shouldn't negate what relationship there is between your son and his father.
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yta. he’s not the daddy.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
| null |
NTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.419026 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a 4 year old son from a previous relationship. i have majority custody of my son since my ex lives in a different state and has an “unpredictable” job. my ex has a few days a month when he gets our son. i won’t call my ex a complete deadbeat because he does pay most of his child support and he calls weekly to check up on our son, gives him birthday and christmas gifts and such but he is not consistent with making all his days. he only gets our son once a month and has often called to cancel or reschedule with varying excuses. i met my fiancé about 1.5 years. ago. i introduced him to my son after we had been together for 3 months. he really stepped up to the plate to be a fatherly figure to my son and i love him for it so much. my ex and i don’t talk about our personal lives together but he knew i had a boyfriend and that he was around our son and he knew i got engaged. i don’t live with my fiancé yet but my fiancé spends many nights a week at my house now so a few days ago my fiancé, son and i went to the park i posted 3 pics on instagram. one of them was me, my fiancé and son together at a park with the caption “family time” and another was my fiancé carrying my son over his shoulder with the caption ”father-son bonding time <3” my ex and i do not follow each other on social media but i guess one of his friends told him about what i posted because a few hours later he’s blowing up my phone demanding to know why i’m referring to my boyfriend as our son’s father. he accused me of trying to humiliate him publicly. we got in an argument and he even threatened to try and get full custody (i know this was empty threat he would never do this lol) i think he’s being ridiculous. my fiancé and i are planning on getting married this summer. he’s not just a boyfriend and i obviously know that my ex is my sons father but that doesn’t change the fact that my fiancé has been an amazing father figure in my sons life. he also spends much more time around my son than my ex does. my ex thinks i’m trying to “replace him” and i’m being disrespectful. aita here? **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have a 4 year old son from a previous relationship. i have majority custody of my son since my ex lives in a different state and has an “unpredictable” job. my ex has a few days a month when he gets our son. i won’t call my ex a complete deadbeat because he does pay most of his child support and he calls weekly to check up on our son, gives him birthday and christmas gifts and such but he is not consistent with making all his days. he only gets our son once a month and has often called to cancel or reschedule with varying excuses. i met my fiancé about 1.5 years. ago. i introduced him to my son after we had been together for 3 months. he really stepped up to the plate to be a fatherly figure to my son and i love him for it so much. my ex and i don’t talk about our personal lives together but he knew i had a boyfriend and that he was around our son and he knew i got engaged. i don’t live with my fiancé yet but my fiancé spends many nights a week at my house now so a few days ago my fiancé, son and i went to the park i posted 3 pics on instagram. one of them was me, my fiancé and son together at a park with the caption “family time” and another was my fiancé carrying my son over his shoulder with the caption ”father-son bonding time <3” my ex and i do not follow each other on social media but i guess one of his friends told him about what i posted because a few hours later he’s blowing up my phone demanding to know why i’m referring to my boyfriend as our son’s father. he accused me of trying to humiliate him publicly. we got in an argument and he even threatened to try and get full custody (i know this was empty threat he would never do this lol) i think he’s being ridiculous. my fiancé and i are planning on getting married this summer. he’s not just a boyfriend and i obviously know that my ex is my sons father but that doesn’t change the fact that my fiancé has been an amazing father figure in my sons life. he also spends much more time around my son than my ex does. my ex thinks i’m trying to “replace him” and i’m being disrespectful. aita here? ** [/INST] yta...he's not his father. you know that. just apologize and be honest with people. there would be nothing wrong with saying stepfather and stepson bonding. </s>
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AITA for saying I'll be more than glad to my relative when they told me they won't attend my wedding?
|
for the context, i'll mention that i'm an indian, for the sake of cultural differences you will notice in the post. now, onto the story.
i(24f) fell in love and now engaged to my fiance(27m) who's fairly rich than my family and my immediate family. we're all middle classes but my family is the lowermost in our entire family. for this reason, we weren't treated well and my relatives loved to tease our situations indirectly and put us down in terms of jokes. they act friendly and nice but also toxic sometimes.
we got engaged last week and planning to tie the knot in a few months. i know for a fact, when i announced my relationship, my relatives were not so happy with me marrying someone who's richer than them. my future in laws are really happy and they're helping us as much as they can i.e planning the wedding, buying expensive things and gifting us an apartment . and my family is also putting money into the wedding but not as much as them.
on the day i got engaged, my aunts went to my fmil and asked her if she's okay with his son marrying "me" and indirectly indicating that we're nowhere near his family. fmil was so uncomfortable and brushed it off it as a joke and informed me at the end of the day. i was beyond mad and humiliated. i informed my mom and my mom was upset but didn't want ask her sisters because she didn't want to make a scene out of it.
for the wedding shopping, the entire family (cousins, niece/nephews, aunts& uncles) comes with us ( like a tradition). i wanted to enjoy the time and didn't have a problem until my relatives were degrading my choices. as my fmil is gifting me a lot , i wanted to repay her, in addition to buying for myself. but whatever i choose, my relatives were passive and aggressive and made comments like " it's not worth the money, it looks bad and so so." before you ask me, yes, they do have a say in what we buy and my mom is mainly down for their opinions because she wants us all to be in favour of what we buy. i don't agree with them always and i'll stick to what i like. to my surprise , they were all nice and it was all going well until my aunt made comments saying how i'm lucky to get married into such a wonderful, rich family. i saw it as a way of putting me down and it made me feel like i don't deserve my fiance. i got mad and snapped at her. the conversation escalated quickly with me saying " atleast if you can't be happy for me, don't be so jealous." and they said they won't be attending because i'm mad at them and to which i replied that i'll more than glad if they don't come.
all hell broke loose and they all blaming me because i disrespected them and i'm showing an attitude because i'm getting married to a rich family. the situation doesn't look good and my grandmother, my mom wants me to apologize to resolve it. my mom's dead worried because we don't have my dad's side and my mom's side are the only ones left for us.
| 478 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/osnhdn/aita_for_saying_ill_be_more_than_glad_to_my/
|
2021-07-27 14:05:05
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nta
i also come from indian/sri lankan descent and the amount of backseat decision making that relatives make, is intolerable. i completely understand what you mean by passive aggressive comments that look like compliments, but actually take stabs at your financial situation. relatives like that can actually go fuck themselves. i wouldn't want that kind of bullshittery anywhere near me, let alone at my wedding.
i'm glad you told them off and made them uninvite themselves. good on you for taking out the trash. hopefully it serves as an eye opener to their shitty behaviour.
|
nta
indian here..i understand the whole jealous aunties thing and also the richer family thing. you are absolutely in no way the asshole. but you know how things work in our country. at a time of need these are the only people who'd be willing to help us out. here the whole blood is thicker than water is taken seriously. wayyy too seriously. don't apologize or back down. try talking to out though. and i know it's hard but try your best to ignore what they say, if not more than you they'll pressure your mum and grandma.
the comments or judgements won't stop. whether you get married or not. infact every single thing you do will be judged. what everyone does is judged. it's the twisted way our society works. it's not fair but it's the reality. especially in india with all the family so close to each other everything is everyone's business. stay strong with this. you're making the right choice and your husband's family supports you
to all the non-indians and indians from different backgrounds, please be kind. understand that there are differences in culture and keep that in mind while commenting. i haven't seen anything here, but there are waayyy too many posts with people who don't understand our culture giving judgement based on their culture.
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nta, you said it rather politely and you were just being honest, just as honest as they were when they were talking down to you to your face and behind your back.
good riddance and congratulations
|
nta
how come some one disrespects you, when you stand up for yourself you are suddenly the one giving disrespect?
|
nta, because it sounds like at most you gave back proportionately what you were given, but curious about your family dynamic:
> the situation doesn’t look good and my grandmother, my mom wants me to apologize to resolve it.
does this mean they think you were wrong, or think you were right but still place the obligation on you to apologize, not on the other person. if the latter, for what reason?
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for the context, i'll mention that i'm an indian, for the sake of cultural differences you will notice in the post. now, onto the story. i(24f) fell in love and now engaged to my fiance(27m) who's fairly rich than my family and my immediate family. we're all middle classes but my family is the lowermost in our entire family. for this reason, we weren't treated well and my relatives loved to tease our situations indirectly and put us down in terms of jokes. they act friendly and nice but also toxic sometimes. we got engaged last week and planning to tie the knot in a few months. i know for a fact, when i announced my relationship, my relatives were not so happy with me marrying someone who's richer than them. my future in laws are really happy and they're helping us as much as they can i.e planning the wedding, buying expensive things and gifting us an apartment . and my family is also putting money into the wedding but not as much as them. on the day i got engaged, my aunts went to my fmil and asked her if she's okay with his son marrying "me" and indirectly indicating that we're nowhere near his family. fmil was so uncomfortable and brushed it off it as a joke and informed me at the end of the day. i was beyond mad and humiliated. i informed my mom and my mom was upset but didn't want ask her sisters because she didn't want to make a scene out of it. for the wedding shopping, the entire family (cousins, niece/nephews, aunts& uncles) comes with us ( like a tradition). i wanted to enjoy the time and didn't have a problem until my relatives were degrading my choices. as my fmil is gifting me a lot , i wanted to repay her, in addition to buying for myself. but whatever i choose, my relatives were passive and aggressive and made comments like " it's not worth the money, it looks bad and so so." before you ask me, yes, they do have a say in what we buy and my mom is mainly down for their opinions because she wants us all to be in favour of what we buy. i don't agree with them always and i'll stick to what i like. to my surprise , they were all nice and it was all going well until my aunt made comments saying how i'm lucky to get married into such a wonderful, rich family. i saw it as a way of putting me down and it made me feel like i don't deserve my fiance. i got mad and snapped at her. the conversation escalated quickly with me saying " atleast if you can't be happy for me, don't be so jealous." and they said they won't be attending because i'm mad at them and to which i replied that i'll more than glad if they don't come. all hell broke loose and they all blaming me because i disrespected them and i'm showing an attitude because i'm getting married to a rich family. the situation doesn't look good and my grandmother, my mom wants me to apologize to resolve it. my mom's dead worried because we don't have my dad's side and my mom's side are the only ones left for us.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for the context, i'll mention that i'm an indian, for the sake of cultural differences you will notice in the post. now, onto the story. i(24f) fell in love and now engaged to my fiance(27m) who's fairly rich than my family and my immediate family. we're all middle classes but my family is the lowermost in our entire family. for this reason, we weren't treated well and my relatives loved to tease our situations indirectly and put us down in terms of jokes. they act friendly and nice but also toxic sometimes. we got engaged last week and planning to tie the knot in a few months. i know for a fact, when i announced my relationship, my relatives were not so happy with me marrying someone who's richer than them. my future in laws are really happy and they're helping us as much as they can i.e planning the wedding, buying expensive things and gifting us an apartment . and my family is also putting money into the wedding but not as much as them. on the day i got engaged, my aunts went to my fmil and asked her if she's okay with his son marrying "me" and indirectly indicating that we're nowhere near his family. fmil was so uncomfortable and brushed it off it as a joke and informed me at the end of the day. i was beyond mad and humiliated. i informed my mom and my mom was upset but didn't want ask her sisters because she didn't want to make a scene out of it. for the wedding shopping, the entire family (cousins, niece/nephews, aunts& uncles) comes with us ( like a tradition). i wanted to enjoy the time and didn't have a problem until my relatives were degrading my choices. as my fmil is gifting me a lot , i wanted to repay her, in addition to buying for myself. but whatever i choose, my relatives were passive and aggressive and made comments like " it's not worth the money, it looks bad and so so." before you ask me, yes, they do have a say in what we buy and my mom is mainly down for their opinions because she wants us all to be in favour of what we buy. i don't agree with them always and i'll stick to what i like. to my surprise , they were all nice and it was all going well until my aunt made comments saying how i'm lucky to get married into such a wonderful, rich family. i saw it as a way of putting me down and it made me feel like i don't deserve my fiance. i got mad and snapped at her. the conversation escalated quickly with me saying " atleast if you can't be happy for me, don't be so jealous." and they said they won't be attending because i'm mad at them and to which i replied that i'll more than glad if they don't come. all hell broke loose and they all blaming me because i disrespected them and i'm showing an attitude because i'm getting married to a rich family. the situation doesn't look good and my grandmother, my mom wants me to apologize to resolve it. my mom's dead worried because we don't have my dad's side and my mom's side are the only ones left for us. [/INST] nta i also come from indian/sri lankan descent and the amount of backseat decision making that relatives make, is intolerable. i completely understand what you mean by passive aggressive comments that look like compliments, but actually take stabs at your financial situation. relatives like that can actually go fuck themselves. i wouldn't want that kind of bullshittery anywhere near me, let alone at my wedding. i'm glad you told them off and made them uninvite themselves. good on you for taking out the trash. hopefully it serves as an eye opener to their shitty behaviour. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to join “optional” social meetings at work?
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some background: i was diagnosed with severe anxiety 14 years ago. my office has been home working for the past year & we have a lot of video and voice call meetings.
about 2 weeks ago i had a talk with supervisor a (sa for short) & told her that meetings, especially meetings just to socialise make me extremely anxious. (note: every email mentions these are optional meetings.) i can push myself through work related meetings because i know it’s what i’m being paid for- but these social meetings are killer for my anxiety.
i said that i felt pressured to join these “optional” meetings because of how some of the incite emails are worded. i told her i’ve been hounded to join, & i always cave because of the pressure. both the pressure and the meeting make me so anxious that i sometimes get physically ill.
she replied that i need to look like i’m a “team player” and that i should just show up but not say anything and just listen. she also mentioned that if i’m looking to transfer to a different department (i need to because i moved far from the office) that i need to show i’m a “team player” when it comes to meetings.
ive tried to just listen in but it still made me very anxious because people still asked me random questions even when i mentioned i was only listening in and not engaging.
yesterday i had a killer headache and messaged the group that i wouldn’t be in the catch-up. sa messaged back “not even just to listen? ok” which came off as very passive aggressive to me.
within 5 minutes sb (who is aware of the talk i had with sa) emailed the team and said we wouldn’t be having a meeting (likely due to some of the team being on annual leave and then i said i couldn’t). he added: “we put these in place for your benefit and to break up the work day- so it’s up to you if you want to take the opportunity to have an hour to talk to your coworkers.”
this morning there was an email from sa to the entire office to setting up yet another weekly “optional” socialisation session. (note: i am now up to a minimum of 3 of these per week minimum split between the department, team, and office). she added that when it comes to working from home, it’s important to be a “team player.”
this immediately didn’t sit right with me because i have never heard her use this term except in our talk 2 weeks ago. she then added that “you may not feel like you need the support of your colleagues but they may need yours.” i had told her that i always cave to these “optional” meetings because of the pressure put on me. i feel like she is now using this against me as well as implying i am not a team player if i don’t attend, and that people need to talk to me. the amount of pressure implied by these comments makes it feel like it’s not optional.
aita for not wanting to attend these “optional” meetings?
| 817 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m7q0wh/aita_for_not_wanting_to_join_optional_social/
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2021-03-18 12:45:49
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nta. they shouldnt be called "optional" if they are requiring you to participate.
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i'm reluctant to call you ta, but if your anxiety is that bad, you need to seek treatment. when you no longer have an actual office environment, i would consider those interactions key to not losing a lot in terms of team dynamic. while the meetings may be optional, they are not an unreasonable expectation of an employee. this really is on you to fix.
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nta and be upfront with her. if she wants to be passive aggressive, bring everything out into the open with an honest conversation
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nah, but it sounds like your anxiety is going to hold you back at this company. it’s clear that while the individual meetings aren’t mandatory, your participation in some of them is expected. conspicuously skipping them will likely get you passed over for promotions and bumped up the list when layoffs roll around. if i were you, i’d make managing your anxiety around this meetings a high-priority treatment goal.
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esh. this sub is sometimes entirely too literal and thinks freedom of choice equates to freedom from any consequences.
*yes*, the team meetings are optional, and you don’t need to attend, your supervisor is an ah for being passive aggressive and pressuring you, and 3 social meetings a week does seem excessive to me, so you shouldn’t be in the position you’re in in the first place.
that said, building rapport with your peers and higher ups is how you advance in a company. and these meetings are the best way to do that. and if everyone else is jumping on board with the meetings, you’re going to inadvertently make yourself look bad by being the one person who never attends, so you’re going to be less likely to be promoted or transferred than someone higher ups feel like they can trust, who puts in that extra time with the team. is that fair? i don’t know. but it’s pretty standard. so i think you’re the ah to yourself if you don’t find a way to manage your anxiety to the point where you can comfortably attend these meetings more often.
and before i get all the comments about “well at my job, we never socialize...”, it’s possible to find a job where those sort of meetings never come into play. but depending on op’s field, it’s difficult to have a career avoiding those conversations and meetings entirely.
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i have both social anxiety and general anxiety as well as a bunch of other mental health related diagnoses. you clearly need treatment if your anxiety is this bad. it’s not healthy for you to live this way.
also, while it doesn’t necessarily make you an asshole for not wanting to, the social aspect of a job can be important too. even if it’s just making appearances at an event once in a while
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nta. this doesn’t seem like it’s really being done to ‘support’ you, more so that some manager can put it on job applications with metrics about engagement etc.
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i need more info.
what kind of 'social meetings' are these and how long do they last? are they something like each person teals what they did on the weekend? is there talk about work or what is happening around your area? is it the equivalent of having drinks after work?
depending on your line of work, 'optional social meetings' might not be so optional. things are screwy right now so business are trying to recreate 'that office experience' remotely. they want co workers to feel connected while working from home so they have zoom meetings, parties and games.
i realize that you are currently waiting to start therapy for your social anxiety. is this documented at work or do you have ada accommodations where you are? can you attend one meeting a week for a short amount of time? can you say one thing briefly, then listen in for the rest of the meeting (or however long you stay)? can you type your responses to questions in the chat function and have your computer camera off?
i would seriously think about whether this is the best environment for you. although other posters are chiming in and saying that they just do the work and not socialize but still get promoted this doesn't seem to apply to you. rightly or wrongly, you have been put on notice that management expects you to be a 'team player' (whatever their definition of a team player is), especially if you want to transfer to a different department. it is clear that they are watching to see how you interact with your co workers on a more intimate level. proceed cautiously.
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info: what are you and your therapist doing to work on managing your anxiety in these instances?
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nta, cause its your life and choice, but dont be suprised if it has negative effects on your career. at the end of the day your supervisors are not putting these together for their own benifits, but that socialization is a career builder both inside your company and when your trying ro get a better job somewhere else.
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NAH
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ESH
| null |
NTA
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INFO
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.139754 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: some background: i was diagnosed with severe anxiety 14 years ago. my office has been home working for the past year & we have a lot of video and voice call meetings. about 2 weeks ago i had a talk with supervisor a (sa for short) & told her that meetings, especially meetings just to socialise make me extremely anxious. (note: every email mentions these are optional meetings.) i can push myself through work related meetings because i know it’s what i’m being paid for- but these social meetings are killer for my anxiety. i said that i felt pressured to join these “optional” meetings because of how some of the incite emails are worded. i told her i’ve been hounded to join, & i always cave because of the pressure. both the pressure and the meeting make me so anxious that i sometimes get physically ill. she replied that i need to look like i’m a “team player” and that i should just show up but not say anything and just listen. she also mentioned that if i’m looking to transfer to a different department (i need to because i moved far from the office) that i need to show i’m a “team player” when it comes to meetings. ive tried to just listen in but it still made me very anxious because people still asked me random questions even when i mentioned i was only listening in and not engaging. yesterday i had a killer headache and messaged the group that i wouldn’t be in the catch-up. sa messaged back “not even just to listen? ok” which came off as very passive aggressive to me. within 5 minutes sb (who is aware of the talk i had with sa) emailed the team and said we wouldn’t be having a meeting (likely due to some of the team being on annual leave and then i said i couldn’t). he added: “we put these in place for your benefit and to break up the work day- so it’s up to you if you want to take the opportunity to have an hour to talk to your coworkers.” this morning there was an email from sa to the entire office to setting up yet another weekly “optional” socialisation session. (note: i am now up to a minimum of 3 of these per week minimum split between the department, team, and office). she added that when it comes to working from home, it’s important to be a “team player.” this immediately didn’t sit right with me because i have never heard her use this term except in our talk 2 weeks ago. she then added that “you may not feel like you need the support of your colleagues but they may need yours.” i had told her that i always cave to these “optional” meetings because of the pressure put on me. i feel like she is now using this against me as well as implying i am not a team player if i don’t attend, and that people need to talk to me. the amount of pressure implied by these comments makes it feel like it’s not optional. aita for not wanting to attend these “optional” meetings?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
some background: i was diagnosed with severe anxiety 14 years ago. my office has been home working for the past year & we have a lot of video and voice call meetings. about 2 weeks ago i had a talk with supervisor a (sa for short) & told her that meetings, especially meetings just to socialise make me extremely anxious. (note: every email mentions these are optional meetings.) i can push myself through work related meetings because i know it’s what i’m being paid for- but these social meetings are killer for my anxiety. i said that i felt pressured to join these “optional” meetings because of how some of the incite emails are worded. i told her i’ve been hounded to join, & i always cave because of the pressure. both the pressure and the meeting make me so anxious that i sometimes get physically ill. she replied that i need to look like i’m a “team player” and that i should just show up but not say anything and just listen. she also mentioned that if i’m looking to transfer to a different department (i need to because i moved far from the office) that i need to show i’m a “team player” when it comes to meetings. ive tried to just listen in but it still made me very anxious because people still asked me random questions even when i mentioned i was only listening in and not engaging. yesterday i had a killer headache and messaged the group that i wouldn’t be in the catch-up. sa messaged back “not even just to listen? ok” which came off as very passive aggressive to me. within 5 minutes sb (who is aware of the talk i had with sa) emailed the team and said we wouldn’t be having a meeting (likely due to some of the team being on annual leave and then i said i couldn’t). he added: “we put these in place for your benefit and to break up the work day- so it’s up to you if you want to take the opportunity to have an hour to talk to your coworkers.” this morning there was an email from sa to the entire office to setting up yet another weekly “optional” socialisation session. (note: i am now up to a minimum of 3 of these per week minimum split between the department, team, and office). she added that when it comes to working from home, it’s important to be a “team player.” this immediately didn’t sit right with me because i have never heard her use this term except in our talk 2 weeks ago. she then added that “you may not feel like you need the support of your colleagues but they may need yours.” i had told her that i always cave to these “optional” meetings because of the pressure put on me. i feel like she is now using this against me as well as implying i am not a team player if i don’t attend, and that people need to talk to me. the amount of pressure implied by these comments makes it feel like it’s not optional. aita for not wanting to attend these “optional” meetings? [/INST] nta. they shouldnt be called "optional" if they are requiring you to participate. </s>
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AITA for asking my neighbors to not park in my second assigned parking space that I rarely use?
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i live in a townhouse and we have two assigned spots. my family mostly uses one car and because of the pandemic we rarely have visitors (my spouse is high risk) so we don’t use the second spot much. i have asked my neighbors to not use my spot in the past because it makes loading my disabled son into the car easier and safer. last night they had a party and let someone park in our spot (there is guest parking on the side of the building). it was a loud party so i was a bit irritated, but i didn’t say or do anything until around noon today when the other cars were gone except for the car in my second spot.
they moved the car but then put on loud music and pounded on the walls loudly for a few hours. i shrugged it off but wondered if i’m the asshole for not sharing. they have three spots assigned to them but have a non-running car in one of them. i figure if space is such an issue that they should get rid of that junk car instead of crossing a boundary i set. not to mention i pay for the assigned space in my rent, regardless if i use it. in the past when other neighbors have asked, i let them use it for short periods of time, but these particular neighbors have been hostile since we moved in.
| 599 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qtxxeq/aita_for_asking_my_neighbors_to_not_park_in_my/
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2021-11-14 19:56:01
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nta
don't **ask**. tell.
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nta. warn them once more. next time, get the damn car towed. and if they play loud music, check your lease and call about breaking it. you can also call the cops.
if they’re going to be an asshole, give them a taste of their own medicine. you tried to do it the nice way. and now they’re a dick!
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nta. can you park your one car across both spaces? it kind of sends a message
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nta. time to get the authorities involved. tow their car whenever it’s in your space. call the police for a noise complaint if they bang on the walls.
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nta. you have to establish that it is not ok. otherwise that will become a habit for them. it is your space to do with what you want.
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nta. report their behavior to the apartment management. next time, have the car towed.
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nta.
we had two car spaces and just parked our car in the middle, across both spots - it meant an easy park every time and plenty of room on either side to load.
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your assigned spots are yours and yours alone. that is part of your lease agreement. i don’t see the harm in your neighbors using it on occasion with your permission, but you are never obligated to let them.
do your neighbors rent as well? if that is the case, you need to make your landlord or property manager aware of what’s going on. they need to handle this, not you. and if they’re renting, they need to get the clunker out of there. that’s often a big no-no in rental communities.
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tow the car every time.
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nta, is it possible for you to block the parking space with something that isn't in the way for you when your son is going in and out of the car? who do you pay rent for the space? can they help you with this?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i live in a townhouse and we have two assigned spots. my family mostly uses one car and because of the pandemic we rarely have visitors (my spouse is high risk) so we don’t use the second spot much. i have asked my neighbors to not use my spot in the past because it makes loading my disabled son into the car easier and safer. last night they had a party and let someone park in our spot (there is guest parking on the side of the building). it was a loud party so i was a bit irritated, but i didn’t say or do anything until around noon today when the other cars were gone except for the car in my second spot. they moved the car but then put on loud music and pounded on the walls loudly for a few hours. i shrugged it off but wondered if i’m the asshole for not sharing. they have three spots assigned to them but have a non-running car in one of them. i figure if space is such an issue that they should get rid of that junk car instead of crossing a boundary i set. not to mention i pay for the assigned space in my rent, regardless if i use it. in the past when other neighbors have asked, i let them use it for short periods of time, but these particular neighbors have been hostile since we moved in.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i live in a townhouse and we have two assigned spots. my family mostly uses one car and because of the pandemic we rarely have visitors (my spouse is high risk) so we don’t use the second spot much. i have asked my neighbors to not use my spot in the past because it makes loading my disabled son into the car easier and safer. last night they had a party and let someone park in our spot (there is guest parking on the side of the building). it was a loud party so i was a bit irritated, but i didn’t say or do anything until around noon today when the other cars were gone except for the car in my second spot. they moved the car but then put on loud music and pounded on the walls loudly for a few hours. i shrugged it off but wondered if i’m the asshole for not sharing. they have three spots assigned to them but have a non-running car in one of them. i figure if space is such an issue that they should get rid of that junk car instead of crossing a boundary i set. not to mention i pay for the assigned space in my rent, regardless if i use it. in the past when other neighbors have asked, i let them use it for short periods of time, but these particular neighbors have been hostile since we moved in. [/INST] nta don't **ask**. tell. </s>
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AITA for sending my GF's mother to a psychiatric evaluation
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quick backstory about my gf's mother. we don't like each other that much. we remain civil most of the time but it's clear that we don't like each other. she is a cleaning maniac, sometimes waking up at 6am to start cleaning even if it's almost sterile. great at cooking. thinks she knows best etc etc. doesn't work.
i was invited to their holiday flat. a small thing with two rooms and a kitchen. my gf's mother would be there, no problem it happened already.
this time it was different. she changed from this a tad too talkative lady to someone that spent all her time before her pc stating that she did doing "important work".
found out that her "important work" was searching about every possible conspiracy theory. from chem trails through moon to zero point energy. files upon files littered the floor with her notes about them. she kept saying that she is 26000 years old, came from a special lineage that was fighting the babylonians. she was doing it through twitter... the last thing thing that i remember was her panicking about being involved in the assassination of osiris. yes the egyptian god.
she wouldn't clean. she would sleep 3h a day and eat every 2 days.
i informed my gf that we should do something before her mother ages 10 years in a span of 6 months. she didn't know what to do. i said to check with a specialist.
nothing happened.
then i decided it was time to bring the big guns. that means her sister who was at the time a few months from becoming a doctor. telling her everything about it. she wasn't as lenient as my gf. she contacted psychological er about this and they scheduled a home checking, and then a meeting with everyone.
my gf was beyond pissed at me and her sister. her father told me that he hopes i end in hell.
everybody lied to the docs about her state even if there were written proofs on twitter.
my gf forgave me after a week but i know that she still holds a grudge about it.
tell me reddit aita?
| 424 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f8fc4i/aita_for_sending_my_gfs_mother_to_a_psychiatric/
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2020-02-23 20:30:38
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nta. you and her sister are genuinely concerned. it seems to me that some of the family may have a stigma about mental health. i hope your gf's mom gets the help she needs.
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[deleted]
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nta. she needed help. that is a serious psychotic break. i witnessed my mother have one when i was 14. she gave away her belongings because "god told her to", and thought she had worms crawling out of her face. we watched this happen for a couple of days (only my sister and i living with her), and then i found her on the kitchen floor with a bottle of pills. she'd attempted, and thankfully failed at, committing suicide. turns out, she's bipolar. now, almost 20 years later, she is fully medicated and well. not saying this happens to everyone that has psychotic breaks, but it is certainly something you need to take action on. your gf's mom needs, and thanks to you, got some help.
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nta. somebody should have warned you that's a common reflex. people aren't thankful for psychological emergency interventions. at all lol. it takes years for people to begrudgingly see the reporter may have hat a point. you did right op. i don't know what the family sees as a benefit from hiding some really clear abnormal behavior. keep those twitter screenshots.
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nta gf’s mom is gonna get her own segment on fox.
jokes aside sadly if they all lied for her and she refuses to get help, your hands are tied.
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nta.
you're describing a major psychological event. she needed help, either of the medical or mental health variety. sudden behavioral changes are nothing to put on the back burner.
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nta
the sleep deprivation and starvation i think is what pushes it into that territory. that is genuinely dangerous for her health. it sounds like she's dealing with some kind of mental health disorder that's causing her to hallucinate. if its causing her to self harm through starvation then she needs serious professional help.
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nta and the earlier a psychotic episode is treated the more likely the person is to recover and not have a second episode.
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nta and please support the poor sister, she's probably going through as much flak as you are.
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nta. you did 100% the right thing. unfortunately, this isn’t something you get thanked for. it’s one of those hard-to-do right things. she absolutely needed help, a lot of it, and fast.
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: quick backstory about my gf's mother. we don't like each other that much. we remain civil most of the time but it's clear that we don't like each other. she is a cleaning maniac, sometimes waking up at 6am to start cleaning even if it's almost sterile. great at cooking. thinks she knows best etc etc. doesn't work. i was invited to their holiday flat. a small thing with two rooms and a kitchen. my gf's mother would be there, no problem it happened already. this time it was different. she changed from this a tad too talkative lady to someone that spent all her time before her pc stating that she did doing "important work". found out that her "important work" was searching about every possible conspiracy theory. from chem trails through moon to zero point energy. files upon files littered the floor with her notes about them. she kept saying that she is 26000 years old, came from a special lineage that was fighting the babylonians. she was doing it through twitter... the last thing thing that i remember was her panicking about being involved in the assassination of osiris. yes the egyptian god. she wouldn't clean. she would sleep 3h a day and eat every 2 days. i informed my gf that we should do something before her mother ages 10 years in a span of 6 months. she didn't know what to do. i said to check with a specialist. nothing happened. then i decided it was time to bring the big guns. that means her sister who was at the time a few months from becoming a doctor. telling her everything about it. she wasn't as lenient as my gf. she contacted psychological er about this and they scheduled a home checking, and then a meeting with everyone. my gf was beyond pissed at me and her sister. her father told me that he hopes i end in hell. everybody lied to the docs about her state even if there were written proofs on twitter. my gf forgave me after a week but i know that she still holds a grudge about it. tell me reddit aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
quick backstory about my gf's mother. we don't like each other that much. we remain civil most of the time but it's clear that we don't like each other. she is a cleaning maniac, sometimes waking up at 6am to start cleaning even if it's almost sterile. great at cooking. thinks she knows best etc etc. doesn't work. i was invited to their holiday flat. a small thing with two rooms and a kitchen. my gf's mother would be there, no problem it happened already. this time it was different. she changed from this a tad too talkative lady to someone that spent all her time before her pc stating that she did doing "important work". found out that her "important work" was searching about every possible conspiracy theory. from chem trails through moon to zero point energy. files upon files littered the floor with her notes about them. she kept saying that she is 26000 years old, came from a special lineage that was fighting the babylonians. she was doing it through twitter... the last thing thing that i remember was her panicking about being involved in the assassination of osiris. yes the egyptian god. she wouldn't clean. she would sleep 3h a day and eat every 2 days. i informed my gf that we should do something before her mother ages 10 years in a span of 6 months. she didn't know what to do. i said to check with a specialist. nothing happened. then i decided it was time to bring the big guns. that means her sister who was at the time a few months from becoming a doctor. telling her everything about it. she wasn't as lenient as my gf. she contacted psychological er about this and they scheduled a home checking, and then a meeting with everyone. my gf was beyond pissed at me and her sister. her father told me that he hopes i end in hell. everybody lied to the docs about her state even if there were written proofs on twitter. my gf forgave me after a week but i know that she still holds a grudge about it. tell me reddit aita? [/INST] nta. you and her sister are genuinely concerned. it seems to me that some of the family may have a stigma about mental health. i hope your gf's mom gets the help she needs. </s>
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AITA for being rude to a mentally challenged person?
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i am not a great storyteller, so bear with me.
a while back, i was at a sephora browsing with headphones on. not earbuds, but big, over the ears earphones. i do this partially because i don't do well in crowds/busy spaces (i get very anxious) and it helps distract me from everyone around me. due to this, i also sort of space out about who is around me.
i'm stopped at a display, looking down at some items, and all of a sudden, a guy (maybe 18-20 years old) is pulling up one of my headphones, getting very close to my face and shouting "hello!" it startled the hell out of me and i jerked back, pushed his hand away, (apparently) made a face and quickly turned and walked away. a few minutes later, i'm on the other side of the store and someone taps me on the shoulder. i turn around and it's a woman (maybe early 20s), motioning for me to take my headphones off. i do and she says (not really rudely, but with a little condescension) "that guy you pulled away from is my brother, he is mentally challenged and he was just trying to be friendly and say hello. you didn't need to react that way. you need to learn about disabled people and..."
that's as far as i let her get. i said "look, i would have reacted that way no matter who did it. i don't like to be touched by strangers." then i walked out of the store and back to my car because i was done.
i posted about it on fb and some people thought i could have been nicer to her when she was trying to explain about how he is and there was no malice in it and i could have gone up to him after and said hello, but others said that i was fine, no one has the right to touch me and then someone else to lecture me. so, aita?
(also since i suck at storytelling, please feel free to ask questions and i will answer as much as i can)
| 1,347 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/utg4xy/aita_for_being_rude_to_a_mentally_challenged/
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2022-05-19 23:35:04
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nta - disabled or not, you’re allowed to feel uncomfortable about a stranger’s presence especially when it is out of nowhere. may the universe bless him with security and nourishment, but you are your own person with boundaries and those boundaries should not be broken.
you probably would’ve reacted better if he didn’t pull out your headphone, honestly just a quick reaction. but keep in my mind the sister is biased by default.
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nta
it's rude to put hands on a stranger in public, and especially rude to pull off headphones. if the sister was so worried about things she should have been keeping a closer eye on him. you had no way to know he had a disability when he was doing that to you, and your reaction was warranted.
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nta - if you need to wear large headphones in public spaces due to anxiety, then you know very well about challenges. you didn't need this obnoxious woman lecturing you. she needs to be lecturing her brother on when it is appropriate to touch strangers. if he isn't able to control that impulse, she needs to be keeping a much stricter eye on him in public and intervene before someone reacts a whole lot more harshly than you did.
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dude grabs your headphones and shouts in your face? nta. he's lucky you weren't more assertive about defending yourself.
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nta. you shouldn’t be expected to tolerate physical harassment from anyone, disabled or not.
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and i legit 100% do not blame him. he didn't know it wasn't okay. but, sister-lady.....keep an eye out.
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nta he shouldn’t be harassing people, his sister needs to watch him and control him.
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nta. having an intellectual disability doesn’t mean it’s okay to go touching strangers. that’s still wrong - bodily autonomy matters. the guy needs to be taught that, and if he struggles with it, his sister should be trying to stop him from doing it, not scolding strangers that they have to tolerate his aggressively friendly approach.
not exactly the same thing, but i’m physically disabled and had a service dog who liked people so much that his program nicknamed him “the mayor” - he wanted to go glad-handing with everyone. it was one of my responsibilities to rein him in. he did occasionally get away from me a bit, especially if i was traveling and exhausted, and when that happened, i apologized for him getting too-friendly and nosey. that‘s how this guy’s sister should have reacted if he got away from her, rather than scolding you.
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nta. i worked at a zoo and was in an enclosed stand working the register, and a mentally challenged dude walked up with his mom. he proceeded to shove his ipad through the window and take my picture. his mom’s reaction was “oh she is very pretty, isn’t she?”
and i wish i had stood up for myself but i was too shocked to do anything about it. never be afraid to stand up for yourself
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you’re nta. that would’ve startled the shit out of me too haha. the sister shouldn’t of done that to you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am not a great storyteller, so bear with me. a while back, i was at a sephora browsing with headphones on. not earbuds, but big, over the ears earphones. i do this partially because i don't do well in crowds/busy spaces (i get very anxious) and it helps distract me from everyone around me. due to this, i also sort of space out about who is around me. i'm stopped at a display, looking down at some items, and all of a sudden, a guy (maybe 18-20 years old) is pulling up one of my headphones, getting very close to my face and shouting "hello!" it startled the hell out of me and i jerked back, pushed his hand away, (apparently) made a face and quickly turned and walked away. a few minutes later, i'm on the other side of the store and someone taps me on the shoulder. i turn around and it's a woman (maybe early 20s), motioning for me to take my headphones off. i do and she says (not really rudely, but with a little condescension) "that guy you pulled away from is my brother, he is mentally challenged and he was just trying to be friendly and say hello. you didn't need to react that way. you need to learn about disabled people and..." that's as far as i let her get. i said "look, i would have reacted that way no matter who did it. i don't like to be touched by strangers." then i walked out of the store and back to my car because i was done. i posted about it on fb and some people thought i could have been nicer to her when she was trying to explain about how he is and there was no malice in it and i could have gone up to him after and said hello, but others said that i was fine, no one has the right to touch me and then someone else to lecture me. so, aita? (also since i suck at storytelling, please feel free to ask questions and i will answer as much as i can)
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am not a great storyteller, so bear with me. a while back, i was at a sephora browsing with headphones on. not earbuds, but big, over the ears earphones. i do this partially because i don't do well in crowds/busy spaces (i get very anxious) and it helps distract me from everyone around me. due to this, i also sort of space out about who is around me. i'm stopped at a display, looking down at some items, and all of a sudden, a guy (maybe 18-20 years old) is pulling up one of my headphones, getting very close to my face and shouting "hello!" it startled the hell out of me and i jerked back, pushed his hand away, (apparently) made a face and quickly turned and walked away. a few minutes later, i'm on the other side of the store and someone taps me on the shoulder. i turn around and it's a woman (maybe early 20s), motioning for me to take my headphones off. i do and she says (not really rudely, but with a little condescension) "that guy you pulled away from is my brother, he is mentally challenged and he was just trying to be friendly and say hello. you didn't need to react that way. you need to learn about disabled people and..." that's as far as i let her get. i said "look, i would have reacted that way no matter who did it. i don't like to be touched by strangers." then i walked out of the store and back to my car because i was done. i posted about it on fb and some people thought i could have been nicer to her when she was trying to explain about how he is and there was no malice in it and i could have gone up to him after and said hello, but others said that i was fine, no one has the right to touch me and then someone else to lecture me. so, aita? (also since i suck at storytelling, please feel free to ask questions and i will answer as much as i can) [/INST] nta - disabled or not, you’re allowed to feel uncomfortable about a stranger’s presence especially when it is out of nowhere. may the universe bless him with security and nourishment, but you are your own person with boundaries and those boundaries should not be broken. you probably would’ve reacted better if he didn’t pull out your headphone, honestly just a quick reaction. but keep in my mind the sister is biased by default. </s>
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AITA for uninviting a friend to my wedding because of comments she made about the type of dress I want?
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**update has been posted. thank you for the help and kind words everyone <3**
e**dit 2: i'm meeting leah today and will post an update on my profile :)**
**
| 2,289 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oazbqg/aita_for_uninviting_a_friend_to_my_wedding/
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2021-06-30 15:11:55
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nta. yeesh. don't feel guilty and don't apologize. "sorry if this was mean" is not an excuse to be mean.
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nta. she was an asshole & now she’s surprised there were consequences.
buying an expensive wedding dress is not the reason our environment is bad or global warming exists. even if you bought a cheap one would you really wear your wedding dress again casually at some other time?
it’s okay to cut toxic people out of your life (even take a temporary break) & doing so does not make you an asshole
enjoy your dream wedding
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nta.
a wedding, in theory, is a once in a lifetime event and the wedding couple should wear what they want. it's a milestone in one's life.
keep in mind your friend's attitude: they are anti-marriage so *of course* your friend does not value a wedding the way you do.
imo, you're not uninviting her for her rude statement, although yes, that is a minor reason (like the "cherry on top") but because of her disrespectful attitude towards you, what you want, your fiancé, and your marriage. if she is unable to respect this part of your life, she doesn't get to participate in a wedding. she probably didn't think she'd suffer consequences for her rudeness but now that she did she's angry. tough.
congratulations on your nuptials, op!! have a great life with your new husband!
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as someone who doesn't want to get married, and is happy being with my partner of a decade and not being married, your friend is ta.
when one of my friends get engaged, go dress shopping and ultimately get married, i am freaking overjoyed the entire way though. why? because this is something they've always wanted and they are finally getting.
it doesn't matter if i don't agree with the amount of money they spent, or the overall look/feel. it's their wedding, that they want. if i was really that offended by their decisions i would take myself out of the narrative.
nta
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nta. i am not into big weddings or spending too much money on one outfit, but i would never tell someone not to have their wedding or outfits. that's part of being a supportive friend.
she was rude and judgy.
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nta. you didn’t ask for her opinion. she is trying to control your wedding, that’s not cool.
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nta, your fiance sounds like a stand up guy though! congratulations and i hope your wedding is as beautiful as it sounds.
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buy the sabyasachi, they're amazing.
a friend of mine took an appointment for the lols and she was ready to marry a rando on the street just to wear one after.
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nta. why she would want to join you to shop for your wedding when she is anti marriage is beyond me. just to make her stand on things i guess. if she can’t share in your happiness, she can stay home with her annoying opinions.
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nta don’t let her come to the wedding and don’t be her friend. she doesn’t sound like a good one to begin with. she owes you a huge apology. she doesn’t deserve one. she was mean and she knew it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: **update has been posted. thank you for the help and kind words everyone <3** e**dit 2: i'm meeting leah today and will post an update on my profile :)** **
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
**update has been posted. thank you for the help and kind words everyone <3** e**dit 2: i'm meeting leah today and will post an update on my profile :)** ** [/INST] nta. yeesh. don't feel guilty and don't apologize. "sorry if this was mean" is not an excuse to be mean. </s>
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AITA for kicking out my unemployed cousin despite knowing that she has no where to go?
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me (22f) and my cousin (23f) are very close since we were kids. just a bit of a background, she graduated last year as an english major but she haven't had a job since then. i recently graduated from nursing and i had no trouble looking for a job since healthcare workers are in demand.
around three months ago, my cousin decided to move in with me temporarily because of some family problems on her part. since she currently has no job, i don't expect her to pay for bills, rent, or food. i told her that this is okay with me as long as she makes an effort to look for a job because i won't be there to help her forever. i also told her that i expect her to help with the chores since i'll be pretty much busy.
our arrangement has been okay for a couple of months and i saw that she has been applying to various jobs online so i know that she's trying. however, about 2 weeks ago, i noticed that she has been quite lazy. she doesn't clean around the apartment, she doesn't do her own laundry (a lot of her clothes are scattered all over the house) and she doesn't even wash the dishes (her dishes since i've been gone the whole day). i also noticed that she has been using some of my personal things like shampoo, soap, pads, tissues, etc.
i brought these issues with her but she told me that since she doesn't have money yet, she doesn't know how she'll buy these kinds of things. i told her that i'll give her a month to fix her sht because paying for everything in the apartment is starting to take a toll on me.
she agreed but i've been seeing the same problems lately. what really set me off was when i found out through one of my neighbors that my cousin has been bringing her boyfriend in my apartment where she feeds him with my food, whenever i'm out on my shift. i confronted my cousin and i found out that her boyfriend would also sometimes take a shower at my place and sleep on our couch. obviously, we got into an argument and i told her to pack her things and go.
she has nowhere to go since her boyfriend is also staying at a friend's house. she can't go back to her family because of some issues. i haven't talked to her since then but i got a call from one of her friends saying that i'm such a bitch and how could i treat a family member like that, knowing that she's at her rock bottom.
i've been overthinking since then and i feel like maybe i'm the asshole because my cousin's practically my bestfriend and maybe i should have given her more time.
| 417 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/panovs/aita_for_kicking_out_my_unemployed_cousin_despite/
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2021-08-24 13:48:00
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nta, she disrespected you and your home that you kindly opened to her. she proceeded to disregard the deal and to make it worse she brought over her man to further use your resources.
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nta. the next person who calls to make you feel bad, invite them to inherit the problem. clearly they don’t care enough to offer her a couch themselves.
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nta - her friend can let her sponge of them , you’ve been more the generous and she has taken complete advantage of that
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nta. time wasn't the issue here. you gave her some pretty simple terms: maintain an active job search, do your share of the chores, don't take stuff without permission. not only did she ignore most of that, she decided to push her luck further by inviting someone *else* over without permission who *also* took your stuff. if the lesson she chooses to learn from this is "op is a big meaniehead" and not "yikes, guess i shouldn't take other people's generosity for granted in future," that sucks for her *other* future roommates, but at least it's not your problem any more.
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nta. you're fresh out of college, just got a new job, and likely have little to no savings. you can't afford to be paying for everything while your cousin refuses to even lift a finger by washing her own dishes. she brings some random man into your house to eat **your** food and use **your** resources (which she knew was wrong because she did it behind your back.) and stomping all over your boundaries in general. your cousin needs to respect the basic ground rules you guys agreed upon, especially when **you're** paying for **everything**.
there's a **big** difference between helping someone versus letting them take advantage of you.
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nta. you are not her parent. it was nice if you to give her a place to stay and if you kicked her out without warning that would be one thing, but you said she could live with you and you would pay for everything if she followed some guidelines, respected your boundaries, and contributed (i.e. didn't make your life actively worse which should be the bare minimum). she didn't do any of those things. she broke the agreement.
the problem with not kicking her out would be basically letting her know that she could get away with doing anything because she's "family" and you care about her. there is no incentive for her to change if there aren't consequences.
it's okay to feel sympathy for her and encourage her to get help, but her not just freeloading off of you but actively making your life worse and violating your boundaries is pretty bad.
also i will say there is a massive labor shortage right now. sure, i doubt she wants to work at a restaurant but sometimes you have to until you can find something better. if she doesn't have a job to at least contribute somewhat that's pretty much on her. living rent free is one thing; living rent free, eating your food, using your toiletries, and feeding her free-loading boyfriend goes waaaay over the line.
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nta. you gave her a deadline and drawn the lines. she isn't respecting the rules.
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she has nowhere to go because of her own actions. she could work on her mental health, she isn't. she could get a part time job for now, she didn't. she is banking on you protecting her from the harsh reality of the world needing money to navigate. nta, but if you let her slide ywbta to yourself
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me (22f) and my cousin (23f) are very close since we were kids. just a bit of a background, she graduated last year as an english major but she haven't had a job since then. i recently graduated from nursing and i had no trouble looking for a job since healthcare workers are in demand. around three months ago, my cousin decided to move in with me temporarily because of some family problems on her part. since she currently has no job, i don't expect her to pay for bills, rent, or food. i told her that this is okay with me as long as she makes an effort to look for a job because i won't be there to help her forever. i also told her that i expect her to help with the chores since i'll be pretty much busy. our arrangement has been okay for a couple of months and i saw that she has been applying to various jobs online so i know that she's trying. however, about 2 weeks ago, i noticed that she has been quite lazy. she doesn't clean around the apartment, she doesn't do her own laundry (a lot of her clothes are scattered all over the house) and she doesn't even wash the dishes (her dishes since i've been gone the whole day). i also noticed that she has been using some of my personal things like shampoo, soap, pads, tissues, etc. i brought these issues with her but she told me that since she doesn't have money yet, she doesn't know how she'll buy these kinds of things. i told her that i'll give her a month to fix her sht because paying for everything in the apartment is starting to take a toll on me. she agreed but i've been seeing the same problems lately. what really set me off was when i found out through one of my neighbors that my cousin has been bringing her boyfriend in my apartment where she feeds him with my food, whenever i'm out on my shift. i confronted my cousin and i found out that her boyfriend would also sometimes take a shower at my place and sleep on our couch. obviously, we got into an argument and i told her to pack her things and go. she has nowhere to go since her boyfriend is also staying at a friend's house. she can't go back to her family because of some issues. i haven't talked to her since then but i got a call from one of her friends saying that i'm such a bitch and how could i treat a family member like that, knowing that she's at her rock bottom. i've been overthinking since then and i feel like maybe i'm the asshole because my cousin's practically my bestfriend and maybe i should have given her more time.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me (22f) and my cousin (23f) are very close since we were kids. just a bit of a background, she graduated last year as an english major but she haven't had a job since then. i recently graduated from nursing and i had no trouble looking for a job since healthcare workers are in demand. around three months ago, my cousin decided to move in with me temporarily because of some family problems on her part. since she currently has no job, i don't expect her to pay for bills, rent, or food. i told her that this is okay with me as long as she makes an effort to look for a job because i won't be there to help her forever. i also told her that i expect her to help with the chores since i'll be pretty much busy. our arrangement has been okay for a couple of months and i saw that she has been applying to various jobs online so i know that she's trying. however, about 2 weeks ago, i noticed that she has been quite lazy. she doesn't clean around the apartment, she doesn't do her own laundry (a lot of her clothes are scattered all over the house) and she doesn't even wash the dishes (her dishes since i've been gone the whole day). i also noticed that she has been using some of my personal things like shampoo, soap, pads, tissues, etc. i brought these issues with her but she told me that since she doesn't have money yet, she doesn't know how she'll buy these kinds of things. i told her that i'll give her a month to fix her sht because paying for everything in the apartment is starting to take a toll on me. she agreed but i've been seeing the same problems lately. what really set me off was when i found out through one of my neighbors that my cousin has been bringing her boyfriend in my apartment where she feeds him with my food, whenever i'm out on my shift. i confronted my cousin and i found out that her boyfriend would also sometimes take a shower at my place and sleep on our couch. obviously, we got into an argument and i told her to pack her things and go. she has nowhere to go since her boyfriend is also staying at a friend's house. she can't go back to her family because of some issues. i haven't talked to her since then but i got a call from one of her friends saying that i'm such a bitch and how could i treat a family member like that, knowing that she's at her rock bottom. i've been overthinking since then and i feel like maybe i'm the asshole because my cousin's practically my bestfriend and maybe i should have given her more time. [/INST] nta, she disrespected you and your home that you kindly opened to her. she proceeded to disregard the deal and to make it worse she brought over her man to further use your resources. </s>
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AITA for not wanting my brother-in-law to have the code to our apartment anymore?
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i got married a month and a half ago and moved into my husband’s apartment.
we live in the same building as his brother. we live at the top and he lives right below us. to access our apartment, you need a code which my brother-in-law knew from before i moved in. he has a habit of just coming in without permission which has led to some awkward situations for me.
a few days ago, i was in the kitchen in just a towel when he showed up unannounced. he doesn’t usually come up when my husband isn’t home so i really wasn’t expecting him. the whole thing was mortifying and a little scary. my brother-in-law apologised and left immediately but when my husband came home, i demanded he change the code and not give it to his brother.
my husband said he had already spoken to his brother and that it wouldn’t happen again and he thought there wasn’t a need to change the code. i kept insisting but he wouldn’t change it and i don’t know how to do it myself, so we argued over it. my husband said he wanted his brother to have access to the apartment for safety reasons and kept repeating that it wouldn’t happen again.
aita?
| 199 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rfs1vl/aita_for_not_wanting_my_brotherinlaw_to_have_the/
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2021-12-13 22:29:46
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nta. if your bil legitimately won’t enter the apartment without invitation again, it probably isn’t a terrible idea for him to have access in case of an emergency. that said, if it happens one more time, figure out how to change the code and do it yourself.
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info: why did he come into the apartment when your husband wasn’t home?
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[deleted]
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nta
>my husband said he wanted his brother to have access to the apartment for safety reasons
"and i want to change the code, for safety reasons, and i f\*\*king live here. whose safety is more important, the people who live here, or the person who doesn't?! clearly this wasn't an emergency and he busted in on me. he walked in on me half naked without any announcement. forgive me if my trust in him is thin. so now, the code changes, and he doesn't get it."
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nta and i think it's unfair of your husband to insist on not changing the code. this is a situation where everyone living in the house should be comfortable with who has access or else you don't share the code. ask your husband if he would be comfortable with you giving out the code to friends and family of yours he isn't close with, regardless of whether he agrees? i'm sure he would want a say.
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nta but why did he show up if husband wasn't there?
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nta
it's one thing if he has code for emergency reasons, but it looks like bil is simply treating your apartment as a second place of his. that's not okay. he can't just barge in whenever he feels like it.
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nta
my twin sister has the code to my house. i have the code to my bff and his wife’s house.
unless there was a legit concern that necessitated breaking in (no one hearing from us for a few days level concern), or a misunderstanding (i came home a day early and they were feeding the cat while i was gone) none of us would ever dream of letting ourselves in without permission.
with great power comes great responsibility. your bil was 10000% in the wrong here.
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nta. call the security company or google to figure out how to change the code and change it.
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[removed]
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i got married a month and a half ago and moved into my husband’s apartment. we live in the same building as his brother. we live at the top and he lives right below us. to access our apartment, you need a code which my brother-in-law knew from before i moved in. he has a habit of just coming in without permission which has led to some awkward situations for me. a few days ago, i was in the kitchen in just a towel when he showed up unannounced. he doesn’t usually come up when my husband isn’t home so i really wasn’t expecting him. the whole thing was mortifying and a little scary. my brother-in-law apologised and left immediately but when my husband came home, i demanded he change the code and not give it to his brother. my husband said he had already spoken to his brother and that it wouldn’t happen again and he thought there wasn’t a need to change the code. i kept insisting but he wouldn’t change it and i don’t know how to do it myself, so we argued over it. my husband said he wanted his brother to have access to the apartment for safety reasons and kept repeating that it wouldn’t happen again. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i got married a month and a half ago and moved into my husband’s apartment. we live in the same building as his brother. we live at the top and he lives right below us. to access our apartment, you need a code which my brother-in-law knew from before i moved in. he has a habit of just coming in without permission which has led to some awkward situations for me. a few days ago, i was in the kitchen in just a towel when he showed up unannounced. he doesn’t usually come up when my husband isn’t home so i really wasn’t expecting him. the whole thing was mortifying and a little scary. my brother-in-law apologised and left immediately but when my husband came home, i demanded he change the code and not give it to his brother. my husband said he had already spoken to his brother and that it wouldn’t happen again and he thought there wasn’t a need to change the code. i kept insisting but he wouldn’t change it and i don’t know how to do it myself, so we argued over it. my husband said he wanted his brother to have access to the apartment for safety reasons and kept repeating that it wouldn’t happen again. aita? [/INST] nta. if your bil legitimately won’t enter the apartment without invitation again, it probably isn’t a terrible idea for him to have access in case of an emergency. that said, if it happens one more time, figure out how to change the code and do it yourself. </s>
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AITA wanting my son to be buried in the family plot.
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my husband and i came to the us in our 20s and started our family here. we have 4 children. back in our home country we have a family plot in a cemetery that our entire family is buried in there is a plot for me my husband and all of our children.
our oldest son got married a few years ago his wife is fine. they came for dinner the other day and when i asked what they did that day they told me they bought plots in a cemetery here.
i was upset i reminded him of the plots in our home country for our entire family. he said sry but those were the arrangements they made.
i haven’t stoped thinking about it since that fact that my son won’t be buried near me is eating me alive.
i called him yesterday and asked him if he was sure and he told me to drop it. i can’t stop thinking about it. my daughter told me i was being pushy and acting like a jerk but i want my entire family together.
| 676 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yw08gd/aita_wanting_my_son_to_be_buried_in_the_family/
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2022-11-15 15:24:57
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yta. for how many generations do you expect your family to ship corpses back to your home country?
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yta. everybody gets to decide where they want to be buried, you can make a request but you can't make demands.
your son and his wife are making a new tradition and you should be supportive instead of thinking of yourself only.
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as gently as i can say this... you will be dead. he will be dead. you will not be conscious. you will be corpses. it doesn't matter what dirt the corpses are lying in, you will be corpses.
they've made the right arrangements for them. it's nothing to do with you. it's not afternoon tea. you'll be dead.
yta
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sorry to be blunt, but he gets to decide where his earthly remains go. he has chosen *his family*. why does it matter where he decomposes?
yta for thinking you have a say in where someone decides to be laid to rest.
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yta. nah for wanting him in the family plot and him not wanting to do that, but absolutely ta for insisting on it. he has family here, and kids here, and will probably have grandchildren here, plus nieces and nephews and in-laws on his wife's side. if his body is carted all the way back to your home country, none of them will get to visit the grave. even travelling to the funeral may be prohibitively expensive. his body, even after death, he decides where it goes. nta for reminding him and asking him to reconsider, absolutely yta for your drama over it. the good news for him is that you will very likely be gone and unable to badger his family over it when it's his turn for a dirt nap.
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yta-- you will all be dead. it's not like you are going to be aware that his decomposing body isn't being placed next to your decomposing body several decades after you died.
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[deleted]
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yta
i'm sure this is emotionally charged, so i'm not going going to be too judgemental. instead, just a challenge for you:
why is your desire to have your family buried with you any more valid than his desire to have his family buried with him? as parents, part of the joy (and challenge) is letting them start their own legacy. take this as such.
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yta, he has a family of his own now.
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yta. you need to respect his decision and leave him alone.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i came to the us in our 20s and started our family here. we have 4 children. back in our home country we have a family plot in a cemetery that our entire family is buried in there is a plot for me my husband and all of our children. our oldest son got married a few years ago his wife is fine. they came for dinner the other day and when i asked what they did that day they told me they bought plots in a cemetery here. i was upset i reminded him of the plots in our home country for our entire family. he said sry but those were the arrangements they made. i haven’t stoped thinking about it since that fact that my son won’t be buried near me is eating me alive. i called him yesterday and asked him if he was sure and he told me to drop it. i can’t stop thinking about it. my daughter told me i was being pushy and acting like a jerk but i want my entire family together.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i came to the us in our 20s and started our family here. we have 4 children. back in our home country we have a family plot in a cemetery that our entire family is buried in there is a plot for me my husband and all of our children. our oldest son got married a few years ago his wife is fine. they came for dinner the other day and when i asked what they did that day they told me they bought plots in a cemetery here. i was upset i reminded him of the plots in our home country for our entire family. he said sry but those were the arrangements they made. i haven’t stoped thinking about it since that fact that my son won’t be buried near me is eating me alive. i called him yesterday and asked him if he was sure and he told me to drop it. i can’t stop thinking about it. my daughter told me i was being pushy and acting like a jerk but i want my entire family together. [/INST] yta. for how many generations do you expect your family to ship corpses back to your home country? </s>
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WIBTA if I stole a lady's dog?
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**throwaway account. wibta if i stole a lady's dog?**
i know, it sounds bad. let me explain.
at my job, every few days, this little dog gets away from his house and comes across a very busy street to our building. we'll call the dog rover.
rover is a young, little 7 pound terrier mix that is as cute as can be. he has no chip (owner told us). he sometimes has his tags on, sometimes he does not. he has a chunk of hair missing above his tail that he bites at, and he has a lot of fleas. rover is very friendly though and he really likes me. he's a good boy. i put him in the office with me and he runs around happy. i give him some water and we play fetch until the owner comes to pick him up.
the owner is this woman that lives across the street about a 1-minute walking distance away. rover has gotten out so many times and came over here that the office lady has her number written down and calls her. she always says she'll "be right over". she comes in always about 30-45 minutes later, with 4 small and unruly children every time. she has never once thanked us for keeping rover safe.
rover has come over to our building and this entire scenario has played out 20+ times.
a couple of weeks ago, someone in our building noticed an animal control truck was outside, and saw rover. the person knows i like this dog and they called me. i was able to talk to the animal control guy and let him know that i knew who the owner was. he said he was called because there was a "loose dog running around". he reluctantly let me have rover and said that he was otherwise headed to the pound (that kills dogs) downtown.
rover had no tags this time. we called the woman. she came in to get him 30 minutes later with her children running around. the office lady told rover's owner that a person here would be willing to keep rover if she didn't want the dog since it looks like he's being neglected. she also told her that we essentially saved rover from going to the pound, and with no tags, no chip, and no information, she likely would have never seen him again. the woman called our office lady a bitch and left.
rover got out again today. we called her. she came and took rover.
i love dogs. i really do not want to see rover get hit and killed by one of the many, many cars that come on the busy street. there is even a corvette shop around the corner that regularly "tests" (illegally) out their cars on this busy street and flies by at 60+ mph. the office lady told me that the next time he gets out and comes over here, we should just not call the woman and i should just keep rover.
i would essentially be stealing a dog, but i would be giving him a much better home. i'm not sure of the legality of this. i told a few friends what is going on, and a few said they have my support. another told me i would be a thief and a major pos.
so, reddit, wibta if i stole this lady's dog?
thank you.
| 658 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/elf686/wibta_if_i_stole_a_ladys_dog/
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2020-01-07 18:07:30
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nta. but legally obtain the dog. next time he comes
over take him to the pound yourself. tell them that if no one claims the dog you would be very interested in adopting him and leave a number.
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i’m assuming you are not in the us? (perhaps wrongly but the corvette situation kind of makes me think not)
where i live in the us, you can keep an animal you found on “stray hold” for 5 business days if there is no chip or identifying collar tag—7 if they have those. you simply have to call in to animal control and let them know you have a dog of x description. if the owner doesn’t go looking for the dog, then you can keep it or rehome it.
check into the law where you are so you can stay on the right side of things. then you’re nta at all. chances are, this lady won’t go looking—she hasn’t yet. sounds like she doesn’t even notice that the dog is gone.
as for the tail thing—that’s usually flea bite dermatitis and can get secondary infection requiring medication. if you do end up getting the dog, take it to the vet right away to get the proper meds.
also, are you guys treating your office after this dog due to the fleas? because they’ll bite people too...
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nta normally i'd say you're partially an asshole for stealing but in this case, to hell with that woman. since the dog doesnt have any microchips, there's no way to prove a whole lot. just be prepared though because chances are real good that she's gonna get another dog ("for the kids") and do the same thing.
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nta.
i refuse to call you ta even though you technically are for stealing another woman’s property. this woman has shown herself to be unfit as a pet owner and will probably lose her dog anyway, either to the pound or to a random car on the street.
i might get heat for this, but this is completely unacceptable for her to be treating a living being like this. the next time rover gets out, keep him and never say a word to her. i’m sure he’s in good hands with you op.
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nta - rover? what rover? haven't seen the little guy. why is my purse wiggling? oh, no reason...
go take that sweet baby!
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nta - but you need to legally cover your ass. so next time call animal control and tell them you found a dog, have him picked up but tell them you want to adopt the dog. they can put your name on his account so that when his stray hold is up they will contact you. then you can register the dog under your name, have him licensed and microchipped to you and the previous owner can have no claim on him. if you end up taking him to work though you might want to disguise him, maybe have him wear a dress and a floppy hat like scooby doo.
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legally, yta. morally, nta. if i were in your shoes i’d keep the dog. if she comes looking say you saw an animal control truck in the area so maybe he got picked up.
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nta, give this pooch a good home.
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f\*ck it!! take that lady's dog! if you don't, you're find it dead on the street or hear about it being put down and it's gonna be too late. it's obvious the dog is neglected and yes, you should try to do it the legal way, but sometimes the legal way doesn't work!!
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yta but gently because your heart is in the right place.
you should call animal control next time you see him and when they pick rover up, go to the shelter and adopt him the proper way.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
| null |
YTA
| 0.164243 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: **throwaway account. wibta if i stole a lady's dog?** i know, it sounds bad. let me explain. at my job, every few days, this little dog gets away from his house and comes across a very busy street to our building. we'll call the dog rover. rover is a young, little 7 pound terrier mix that is as cute as can be. he has no chip (owner told us). he sometimes has his tags on, sometimes he does not. he has a chunk of hair missing above his tail that he bites at, and he has a lot of fleas. rover is very friendly though and he really likes me. he's a good boy. i put him in the office with me and he runs around happy. i give him some water and we play fetch until the owner comes to pick him up. the owner is this woman that lives across the street about a 1-minute walking distance away. rover has gotten out so many times and came over here that the office lady has her number written down and calls her. she always says she'll "be right over". she comes in always about 30-45 minutes later, with 4 small and unruly children every time. she has never once thanked us for keeping rover safe. rover has come over to our building and this entire scenario has played out 20+ times. a couple of weeks ago, someone in our building noticed an animal control truck was outside, and saw rover. the person knows i like this dog and they called me. i was able to talk to the animal control guy and let him know that i knew who the owner was. he said he was called because there was a "loose dog running around". he reluctantly let me have rover and said that he was otherwise headed to the pound (that kills dogs) downtown. rover had no tags this time. we called the woman. she came in to get him 30 minutes later with her children running around. the office lady told rover's owner that a person here would be willing to keep rover if she didn't want the dog since it looks like he's being neglected. she also told her that we essentially saved rover from going to the pound, and with no tags, no chip, and no information, she likely would have never seen him again. the woman called our office lady a bitch and left. rover got out again today. we called her. she came and took rover. i love dogs. i really do not want to see rover get hit and killed by one of the many, many cars that come on the busy street. there is even a corvette shop around the corner that regularly "tests" (illegally) out their cars on this busy street and flies by at 60+ mph. the office lady told me that the next time he gets out and comes over here, we should just not call the woman and i should just keep rover. i would essentially be stealing a dog, but i would be giving him a much better home. i'm not sure of the legality of this. i told a few friends what is going on, and a few said they have my support. another told me i would be a thief and a major pos. so, reddit, wibta if i stole this lady's dog? thank you.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
**throwaway account. wibta if i stole a lady's dog?** i know, it sounds bad. let me explain. at my job, every few days, this little dog gets away from his house and comes across a very busy street to our building. we'll call the dog rover. rover is a young, little 7 pound terrier mix that is as cute as can be. he has no chip (owner told us). he sometimes has his tags on, sometimes he does not. he has a chunk of hair missing above his tail that he bites at, and he has a lot of fleas. rover is very friendly though and he really likes me. he's a good boy. i put him in the office with me and he runs around happy. i give him some water and we play fetch until the owner comes to pick him up. the owner is this woman that lives across the street about a 1-minute walking distance away. rover has gotten out so many times and came over here that the office lady has her number written down and calls her. she always says she'll "be right over". she comes in always about 30-45 minutes later, with 4 small and unruly children every time. she has never once thanked us for keeping rover safe. rover has come over to our building and this entire scenario has played out 20+ times. a couple of weeks ago, someone in our building noticed an animal control truck was outside, and saw rover. the person knows i like this dog and they called me. i was able to talk to the animal control guy and let him know that i knew who the owner was. he said he was called because there was a "loose dog running around". he reluctantly let me have rover and said that he was otherwise headed to the pound (that kills dogs) downtown. rover had no tags this time. we called the woman. she came in to get him 30 minutes later with her children running around. the office lady told rover's owner that a person here would be willing to keep rover if she didn't want the dog since it looks like he's being neglected. she also told her that we essentially saved rover from going to the pound, and with no tags, no chip, and no information, she likely would have never seen him again. the woman called our office lady a bitch and left. rover got out again today. we called her. she came and took rover. i love dogs. i really do not want to see rover get hit and killed by one of the many, many cars that come on the busy street. there is even a corvette shop around the corner that regularly "tests" (illegally) out their cars on this busy street and flies by at 60+ mph. the office lady told me that the next time he gets out and comes over here, we should just not call the woman and i should just keep rover. i would essentially be stealing a dog, but i would be giving him a much better home. i'm not sure of the legality of this. i told a few friends what is going on, and a few said they have my support. another told me i would be a thief and a major pos. so, reddit, wibta if i stole this lady's dog? thank you. [/INST] nta. but legally obtain the dog. next time he comes over take him to the pound yourself. tell them that if no one claims the dog you would be very interested in adopting him and leave a number. </s>
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AITA for yelling at my aunt that I want to go back to my real home?
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so i (16 f) and my little brother ben (12) live with our aunt katie (35). she's like super rich. like we live on a farm in bc and her house is huge. she's an engineer she goes to fancy dinners, has met mps and meets businesspeople a lot. like she got my brother a ps5 the day it came out.
our mom was not rich, we lived in a one story house but i loved it. after our mom died we were supposed to live with our dad's parents in ontario but aunt took us both in instead.
i didn't really know aunt katie before that like i remember when i was little she lived with mom and my grandparents but then she was gone one day. mom always said they had a bad fight but she never talked about it and aunt katie's told me enough for me to ge tthe feeling that they didn't really like each other because of it.
i know aunt katie loves me, like she'll teach me how to cook, go to my games and help with pre-calc when she's around but it's not like it is with ben. like she treats him like he is her son and i've always just felt like i'm staying over.
i dunno i've really been missing home and yesterday after dinner i asked her if i could go and see it and she said no. when i asked why she asked why i would ever want to go back there when she's given me so much better. it kind of started a fight between us and she said she always hated that place and it'd hurt her to go there. then she said one day i'd appreciate her taking me in to house when its mine and i just yelled back that i want to go back to my real home. she just got really quiet and sent me to my room.
i heard her crying in her room last night when i went to the washroom and i feel bad but i don't know if i'm wrong cause i just want to see it again. when i told ben about it this morning, he told me i was an asshole since i made her cry and she does so much for us.
writing this in my free period, so not sure i'll be able to respond much.
| 819 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s2g9tw/aita_for_yelling_at_my_aunt_that_i_want_to_go/
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2022-01-12 20:38:15
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yta a little bit, but i'd give everyone a break in this situation. it's tough for someone who is 35 to suddenly be raising teenagers. she probably pays more attention to your little brother because he's younger and she's not as sure what you need, but it sounds like she's doing her best. i think you should apologize and talk it out. whatever she's reacting to, it's probably not about your old house and how "nice" the house is. she probably feels like she's put aside a lot of her own life to take care of you guys and when you said you wanted to go home, it made her feel like she's doing a bad job.
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first, let me say how sorry i am for the loss of your mom. i can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you.
i’d have to say nah. honestly, i don’t think anyone is ta here. you are still grieving and that takes time. your aunt is grieving too. even if she & your mom had a falling out, that doesn’t change that they were sisters.
your feelings are valid! of course you miss that home because your mom was there. it might be helpful to explain to your aunt that it isn’t so much the house, because you know her home is beautiful and she has done a wonderful job of providing for you — even getting material items that you wouldn’t have had otherwise. the draw to that house was your mom and you miss her. truthfully, i’m sure she already knows this but open communication will help you both through the grieving process and hopefully help you bond too.
i’d like to ask you a question. i don’t want you to answer me, just think about it yourself and be honest with yourself. this is 100% not a judgement on you or your aunt. just something to ponder. you said that you think your aunt treats your brother like a son but you *feel* like you’re “just staying over.” do you think you feel that way because she actually treats you like you’re less important or because you might be keeping her at arms length because it feels disloyal to your mom? there is no “right or wrong” answer, just truth. once you know that truth, you can address it honestly with your aunt.
if you haven’t already done so, you might want to consider grief counseling to help you navigate this completely different life you are now living. take care!
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i'm gonna go with nah.
your situation is hard. it's okay to miss what was your home. and she is likely sensitive about it as well in the exact opposite way.
i would suggest approaching her, and meeting here where she is. thank her for what she does for you, but let her know what you're feeling. maybe you can work something out. emotions got too high here, so let it simmer down and then have an open discussion.
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i am curious if house you lived with your mom was where your aunt grew up?
i am going to go with a soft yta. your aunt obviously doesn't want to go to the house. i suspect she has some unhappy memories she doesn't want to dredge up. she sounds like she has gone above and beyond to care for you and your brother and i question if your own emotions lend to you feeling a distinction between you and your brother as you admit your aunt goes to your games ect. not generally actions of someone who's house you are "staying at".
you hurt your aunt's feelings with your approach. there was no need to throw her love and care aside and make her feel less than.
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nah- your feelings are your feelings. you miss where you grew up, thats totally normal and you're 16, so you're trying to find out who you are and where you came from is part of that.
just do your best to be calm and explain to aunt that you've memories growing up on that house, and of your mom and family. it's not that you dont like what you have now, its just you miss other things at the moment.
it's a tough situation for you both, aunt is doing her best and you are doing yours. just talk.
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sadly i’m gonna have to say esh because it was kind of harsh. it sounds like she wasn’t on the best terms with your mom, but still agreed to have you come stay with her. she’s ta for refusing to let you go see your old house, but i’m sure there’s some backstory behind that because she claims to hate that place and it hurt her.
this sounds like a tough situation, but in my opinion i’d just apologize to her and tell her it would mean a lot if you could just go see the house, because it was a place you enjoyed.
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i’m so sorry your mom died. that’s really hard. really really hard. probably one of the hardest deaths you’ll ever have to deal with and i’m so sorry you only had 16 years with her. she sounds like an amazing mom. i hope you’re able to see a grief counselor. i think you yelled at your aunt because you’re angry and sad and overwhelmed with all the changes on top of your mom’s death and she was your lightning rod. she’s the safe person you can yell at knowing subconsciously she won’t leave.
you need to apologize to your aunt. she’s doing the best she can. her life was also turned upside down when she lost her sister and then had 2 kids she suddenly had to care for. it’s entirely possible that she’s tried to get close to you but you’ve kept her at a distance so she’s not “a mom” to you so she doesn’t take your mom’s place (fyi no one can ever replace your mom but you can have amazing relationships with other women in your life who are “extra moms”). when you’re both calmer, ask her to if it would be ok to take a trip to the old house for you to see it when you’re on a school break. honestly i know why you do but you may be disappointed because your mom isn’t there and the people living there may have changed it. but i get why you need to.
softly yta but it’s understandable. i encourage you to write in a journal, maybe write write letters to those you’re angry with and why you’re angry. you didn’t mentioned your dad being in the picture, just your paternal grandparents. i hope you’re at least able to facetime or zoom with them. you have my love and prayers ❤️
| null | null | null |
YTA
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NAH
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NAH
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YTA
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NAH
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ESH
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YTA
| null | null | null | 0.357068 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i (16 f) and my little brother ben (12) live with our aunt katie (35). she's like super rich. like we live on a farm in bc and her house is huge. she's an engineer she goes to fancy dinners, has met mps and meets businesspeople a lot. like she got my brother a ps5 the day it came out. our mom was not rich, we lived in a one story house but i loved it. after our mom died we were supposed to live with our dad's parents in ontario but aunt took us both in instead. i didn't really know aunt katie before that like i remember when i was little she lived with mom and my grandparents but then she was gone one day. mom always said they had a bad fight but she never talked about it and aunt katie's told me enough for me to ge tthe feeling that they didn't really like each other because of it. i know aunt katie loves me, like she'll teach me how to cook, go to my games and help with pre-calc when she's around but it's not like it is with ben. like she treats him like he is her son and i've always just felt like i'm staying over. i dunno i've really been missing home and yesterday after dinner i asked her if i could go and see it and she said no. when i asked why she asked why i would ever want to go back there when she's given me so much better. it kind of started a fight between us and she said she always hated that place and it'd hurt her to go there. then she said one day i'd appreciate her taking me in to house when its mine and i just yelled back that i want to go back to my real home. she just got really quiet and sent me to my room. i heard her crying in her room last night when i went to the washroom and i feel bad but i don't know if i'm wrong cause i just want to see it again. when i told ben about it this morning, he told me i was an asshole since i made her cry and she does so much for us. writing this in my free period, so not sure i'll be able to respond much.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i (16 f) and my little brother ben (12) live with our aunt katie (35). she's like super rich. like we live on a farm in bc and her house is huge. she's an engineer she goes to fancy dinners, has met mps and meets businesspeople a lot. like she got my brother a ps5 the day it came out. our mom was not rich, we lived in a one story house but i loved it. after our mom died we were supposed to live with our dad's parents in ontario but aunt took us both in instead. i didn't really know aunt katie before that like i remember when i was little she lived with mom and my grandparents but then she was gone one day. mom always said they had a bad fight but she never talked about it and aunt katie's told me enough for me to ge tthe feeling that they didn't really like each other because of it. i know aunt katie loves me, like she'll teach me how to cook, go to my games and help with pre-calc when she's around but it's not like it is with ben. like she treats him like he is her son and i've always just felt like i'm staying over. i dunno i've really been missing home and yesterday after dinner i asked her if i could go and see it and she said no. when i asked why she asked why i would ever want to go back there when she's given me so much better. it kind of started a fight between us and she said she always hated that place and it'd hurt her to go there. then she said one day i'd appreciate her taking me in to house when its mine and i just yelled back that i want to go back to my real home. she just got really quiet and sent me to my room. i heard her crying in her room last night when i went to the washroom and i feel bad but i don't know if i'm wrong cause i just want to see it again. when i told ben about it this morning, he told me i was an asshole since i made her cry and she does so much for us. writing this in my free period, so not sure i'll be able to respond much. [/INST] yta a little bit, but i'd give everyone a break in this situation. it's tough for someone who is 35 to suddenly be raising teenagers. she probably pays more attention to your little brother because he's younger and she's not as sure what you need, but it sounds like she's doing her best. i think you should apologize and talk it out. whatever she's reacting to, it's probably not about your old house and how "nice" the house is. she probably feels like she's put aside a lot of her own life to take care of you guys and when you said you wanted to go home, it made her feel like she's doing a bad job. </s>
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AITA for telling my brother to cook for himself if he doesn't like what I make?
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my parents do this yearly thing where they go away for 2 weeks. this leaves me (f16), and my 2 brothers (12 and 18). normally we have a nanny during those 2 weeks but last year our marents decided we were old enough and honestly i loved those 2 weeks. the amount of freedom we had (ofcourse with limits.) this year they went vamping with their friends so this leaves us alone again with a budget. we all went grocery shopping together and we made a deal. me and my oldest brother would switch each day cooking dinner. the first 2 times it was his turn everything went smoothly then he started not cooking which led to me cooking everyday. today he told me that he wanted lasagna. i told him that he would have it if he made it instead of me that we would eat lasagna and he said no. so i didn't make lasagna and he got angry. i told him that if he actually followed along with the plan that i would take his suggestions but he didn't. now we're kinda ignoring eachother. aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i79g67/aita_for_telling_my_brother_to_cook_for_himself/
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2020-08-10 17:37:37
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nta. you aren’t your brothers personal chef. if he wants lasagna, he can make it - otherwise he can eat what you choose to make or eat nothing at all.
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nta , he cant get mad over a deal that he’s not going along with. if i was you i’d just cook for yourself on the days he’s supposed to be cooking,,,, maybe i’m just petty lol, but don’t let him walk all over you and force you to cook/make what he wants. you would be ta if you said something rude or hurtful to him but you didn’t so next move is yours.
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nta. men start with this bullshit young 😂
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nta - i'm amazed at your generosity in feeding him at all. feel free to make just enough for you and your youngest brother - and maybe get the younger one in the kitchen with you so he doesn't turn out as a lazy mooch like your older brother.
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no, your not the asshole. your not a cook, i think your brother needs to suck it up and make food that he wants and not have someone cook it for him.
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lasagna is fairly complicated to make. since he should be taking his turn cooking, tell him to cook it himself when it is his turn. either that or let him hike to the store and get a can of chef boy ar dee. nta
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nta if i understood correctly, the chef decides what the table beholdeth. he wants lasagna, he can cook. can't have it both ways, not a good to wear even a smaller badge of entitlement.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my parents do this yearly thing where they go away for 2 weeks. this leaves me (f16), and my 2 brothers (12 and 18). normally we have a nanny during those 2 weeks but last year our marents decided we were old enough and honestly i loved those 2 weeks. the amount of freedom we had (ofcourse with limits.) this year they went vamping with their friends so this leaves us alone again with a budget. we all went grocery shopping together and we made a deal. me and my oldest brother would switch each day cooking dinner. the first 2 times it was his turn everything went smoothly then he started not cooking which led to me cooking everyday. today he told me that he wanted lasagna. i told him that he would have it if he made it instead of me that we would eat lasagna and he said no. so i didn't make lasagna and he got angry. i told him that if he actually followed along with the plan that i would take his suggestions but he didn't. now we're kinda ignoring eachother. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my parents do this yearly thing where they go away for 2 weeks. this leaves me (f16), and my 2 brothers (12 and 18). normally we have a nanny during those 2 weeks but last year our marents decided we were old enough and honestly i loved those 2 weeks. the amount of freedom we had (ofcourse with limits.) this year they went vamping with their friends so this leaves us alone again with a budget. we all went grocery shopping together and we made a deal. me and my oldest brother would switch each day cooking dinner. the first 2 times it was his turn everything went smoothly then he started not cooking which led to me cooking everyday. today he told me that he wanted lasagna. i told him that he would have it if he made it instead of me that we would eat lasagna and he said no. so i didn't make lasagna and he got angry. i told him that if he actually followed along with the plan that i would take his suggestions but he didn't. now we're kinda ignoring eachother. aita? [/INST] nta. you aren’t your brothers personal chef. if he wants lasagna, he can make it - otherwise he can eat what you choose to make or eat nothing at all. </s>
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AITA for not helping my sister with her medical bills?
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my (31f) sister (27f) and her husband (26m) just welcomed their first child. it was a really hard and complicated birth, my sister had a c-section and there was a very real moment where we were all worried we’d lose her. thankfully she’s okay, and it’s been a few months since.
last week, she sent a text to the family group chat asking for a loan because she and hubby are having a lot of trouble with medical bills. my parents gave her some help, but i told her i couldn’t. i’m a social worker with medical needs of my own, so i don’t have a ton of spare cash.
but for the past six years, i’ve been diligently saving up for grad school. i don’t have much, about 12k, but it’s something. and i made the mistake of mentioning this fund to my mother when we were casually talking about my long term plans. and i made the bigger mistake of mentioning that i wasn’t even 100% on grad school, which is the truth. i love what i do, but i’ve always wanted to be a librarian.
for the sake of brevity, i’ll just say that there was a lot of accusations and meanness thrown around. my mother called me selfish for not helping my sister, and she said i should give up at least some of my school fund to help since i “can’t even make up my mind.” i kept my cool but was still pretty upset, and i pointed out that they’d never be able to pay me back (sis is a nurse and bil is a teacher) and i didn’t want to wait until i was 40 (or take out big loans) to be able to work towards my dream job.
things have been pretty chilly between my mom and i. she says that she won’t tell my sister, but i don’t know how long she’ll stay that way. i feel a bit guilty because i know i could help my sister, but the thought of setting myself back this much makes me feel really scared. i'm disabled, so i already got my life started later than a lot of people my age.
but: aita? should i get over it and just help my sister?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yih1z7/aita_for_not_helping_my_sister_with_her_medical/
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2022-10-31 16:37:05
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nta. everyone sounds like they’ve had a rough go, but your sister is not your obligation. just like on a plane, you put your oxygen mask on before helping out others. i’m sure if money wasn’t an issue you’d help, but until then, you have to support yourself first.
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do not do this. your mom is so wrong for putting your sister's medical debt on you. this is really messed up. 12k is not a huge sum of money and it is literally your personal investment in your future.
basically you need to put your family on an information diet in the future with regards to your finances because they clearly do not have your best interests at heart.
let your mom be frosty. don't throw your life away to please her. it sounds like you may be the scapegoat of the family and your sister the golden child anyhow. nothing you ever do will be enough.
nta
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nta. your sister and bil can work out payment plans with the medical providers.
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**nta**
it's your hard earned money and what you decide to do with it is your business. just you are not 100% decided on grad school, doesn't mean that you won't be in one week, month or year. we all change our minds! and are free to do so!!
also - your physical abilities do not define you! do what you want/love to do!!
unfortunately, your sister and bil got dealt a bad hand and they will have to figure out how to pay for the medical debt. if other family members wish to donate or loan funds then that is on them. but you are not obligate just because you saved some money to better yourself in the future. (and by the way - shame on your mother for guilting you!!)
tldr - keep the money it's yours to do with as you please!! nta
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nta.
your sister and bil made a series of choices that landed them here. they could have waited and saved up until they were more financially prepared to have a kid - but they didn’t. they are not entitled to your money just because you have some right now and they don’t. everyone knows that children are very expensive bundles of joy.
there’s also plenty of options for paying hospital bills, including payment plans, and they are two gainfully employed adults - they can make it work.
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info: are you located in the us and was this c section at a public hospital? if yes, she can call the hospital or number on the back if the medical bill and apply for charity care. it’s a progran that reduces medical debt based on income.
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nta. your sister made the decision to have a baby, and all pregnancies comes with risks. it's not on you to postpone your life plans for her sake.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (31f) sister (27f) and her husband (26m) just welcomed their first child. it was a really hard and complicated birth, my sister had a c-section and there was a very real moment where we were all worried we’d lose her. thankfully she’s okay, and it’s been a few months since. last week, she sent a text to the family group chat asking for a loan because she and hubby are having a lot of trouble with medical bills. my parents gave her some help, but i told her i couldn’t. i’m a social worker with medical needs of my own, so i don’t have a ton of spare cash. but for the past six years, i’ve been diligently saving up for grad school. i don’t have much, about 12k, but it’s something. and i made the mistake of mentioning this fund to my mother when we were casually talking about my long term plans. and i made the bigger mistake of mentioning that i wasn’t even 100% on grad school, which is the truth. i love what i do, but i’ve always wanted to be a librarian. for the sake of brevity, i’ll just say that there was a lot of accusations and meanness thrown around. my mother called me selfish for not helping my sister, and she said i should give up at least some of my school fund to help since i “can’t even make up my mind.” i kept my cool but was still pretty upset, and i pointed out that they’d never be able to pay me back (sis is a nurse and bil is a teacher) and i didn’t want to wait until i was 40 (or take out big loans) to be able to work towards my dream job. things have been pretty chilly between my mom and i. she says that she won’t tell my sister, but i don’t know how long she’ll stay that way. i feel a bit guilty because i know i could help my sister, but the thought of setting myself back this much makes me feel really scared. i'm disabled, so i already got my life started later than a lot of people my age. but: aita? should i get over it and just help my sister?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (31f) sister (27f) and her husband (26m) just welcomed their first child. it was a really hard and complicated birth, my sister had a c-section and there was a very real moment where we were all worried we’d lose her. thankfully she’s okay, and it’s been a few months since. last week, she sent a text to the family group chat asking for a loan because she and hubby are having a lot of trouble with medical bills. my parents gave her some help, but i told her i couldn’t. i’m a social worker with medical needs of my own, so i don’t have a ton of spare cash. but for the past six years, i’ve been diligently saving up for grad school. i don’t have much, about 12k, but it’s something. and i made the mistake of mentioning this fund to my mother when we were casually talking about my long term plans. and i made the bigger mistake of mentioning that i wasn’t even 100% on grad school, which is the truth. i love what i do, but i’ve always wanted to be a librarian. for the sake of brevity, i’ll just say that there was a lot of accusations and meanness thrown around. my mother called me selfish for not helping my sister, and she said i should give up at least some of my school fund to help since i “can’t even make up my mind.” i kept my cool but was still pretty upset, and i pointed out that they’d never be able to pay me back (sis is a nurse and bil is a teacher) and i didn’t want to wait until i was 40 (or take out big loans) to be able to work towards my dream job. things have been pretty chilly between my mom and i. she says that she won’t tell my sister, but i don’t know how long she’ll stay that way. i feel a bit guilty because i know i could help my sister, but the thought of setting myself back this much makes me feel really scared. i'm disabled, so i already got my life started later than a lot of people my age. but: aita? should i get over it and just help my sister? [/INST] nta. everyone sounds like they’ve had a rough go, but your sister is not your obligation. just like on a plane, you put your oxygen mask on before helping out others. i’m sure if money wasn’t an issue you’d help, but until then, you have to support yourself first. </s>
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AITA for telling my (straight) friend that another (gay) friend has a crush on him?
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this is a throwaway bc i don't want to risk the people involved seeing this.
about a month ago, i was at a party which was also attended by this guy we'll call stephen. stephen is someone i've met a few times before, he's a friend of a friend. he's a nice enough guy and i do like him a lot. at this party, he got really drunk and told me and our mutual friend that he has a really huge crush on this guy we'll call luke, who is quite a good friend of mine and the mutual friend's. i didn't even realise stephen knew him, but apparently they are quite close because their families are friends. he didn't necessarily say anything sexually explicit or creepy about luke, just kind of swooned a bit over how gorgeous he is.
i saw luke a few days later and the topic of stephen came up. i mentioned that he had a crush on luke, and luke didn't really react much so i thought it was fine. apparently, it was not. for starters, apparently stephen was only out to a select few people, and neither luke or his parents were in that group. i guess luke told his parents, who told stephen's parents, who haven't reacted very well to it at all. luke has also stopped talking to him almost completely, which stephen is apparently very upset about. i haven't seen him since this happened but apparently he's just totally miserable rn. our mutual friend says he hasn't left the house much in weeks, he's barely eating and he doesn't seem to be sleeping very well.
i'm hearing from all sides that this is entirely my fault. i get that i was kinda involved for telling luke, but i think it's unfair to pin all of the blame on me; i didn't know stephen wasn't out to everyone and i didn't know that luke and his parents were going to react this way. i've been told that i should learn not to be nosey and gossip and i get that, but i still think it's unfair that i'm being held responsible for this.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bqteox/aita_for_telling_my_straight_friend_that_another/
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2019-05-20 09:39:56
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yta. my dude, you don't out people unless you have permission. even if he wasn't gay, that was clearly told to you in confidence. besides, i can't imagine *anyone* wants their crush being told without their consent. why would you tell luke anyway if you know he's straight? even assuming stephen was out to him, what is telling a straight guy that a guy likes him going to accomplish except to alienate the two?
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yta - nothing about sexuality is relevant here.
stephen told you a secret (while drunk, which makes this even worse). why the fuck would you share that information with anyone?
> i'm hearing from all sides that this is entirely my fault
it is. not knowing all the details is exactly why you don't get involved in other people's lives like this.
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yta - accept responsibility for your actions. if you weren’t such a gossip, this wouldn’t have happened. it is not your place to tell someone about a friend having a crush on them, that’s just looking for drama.
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yta. it's always best to assume that anything someone tells you when they're extremely drunk is something that they actually don't really want everyone to know. did he say not to tell anyone?
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yta why would you go around betraying your friends? gay or straight, it's not your business to go childishly going "ooh susie/jeff has a crush on you!" trying to stir up drama for your own entertainment makes you entirely the asshole, whether the boy was out or not, or straight or not. that's not where your error lies, it's just a giant compounding factor. mind your own business and stop gossiping about other people.
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yta. it's not like you went around telling everyone that stephen is gay, but you probably should have been more careful when it comes to people's crushes, especially in this circumstance. you didn't know if stephen was out to everyone (not your fault) and you didn't know what luke's reaction would be. you shouldn't have told luke because it's not your place to be the relayer of information, especially when it is a more sensitive topic since luke is straight.
the best you can do now is not arguing about who is responsible for this- it's about supporting stephen. you technically 'outed' him to his family and that is a fact, even if it is accidental. it's a very difficult time for him and you should be supporting him as a friend. put aside your guilt or frustration that you are being held responsible because it's not about you. stephen needs your support now and even if he doesn't want to talk to you or is mad at you, let him know that you are there.
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yta.
look, kid, take it from someone who has been outed without permission before: it sucks. you effectively not only took away this guy's right to come out when and how he likes and is most comfortable in doing and severely compromised his relationships with multiple people to boot including people he relies on for food and shelter it sounds like.
besides, really, the fact that you gossiped at all about this is a bit weird. why would you tell someone about a crush that you thought probably couldn't be returned? sexuality aside, it's weird. did you want them to feel awkward around each other or for there to be a fall out? i ask because i would honestly assume that was what you wanted. you just don't go blabbing about other people's crushes, ever.
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yta. my man/lady, you do not out someone, nor do you announce who they have a crush on. it's their private life. how would you like it if one of them decided to share your personal secrets? it's disrespectful and it should be confidential unless they themselves tell you that it should be public.
your little stunt may not have only alienated you from your friends, but you may have also complicated the relations between stephen's and luke's families.
i think you owe several people an apology. an apology to the families would be a good starting point.
> i still think it's unfair that i'm being held responsible for this.
look, you made a mistake, you now have to do what you can to fix it. victim playing isn't going to help anyone here.
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[deleted]
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yta. it wouldn’t be a very nice thing to do either if the parties involved were all straight people. you don’t announce crushes for people. no one asked you to.
you couldn’t keep your mouth shut about someone else’s personal details so of course everyone is putting the blame on you when damage is done from your actions.
to be fair though, stephan should be better at not drinking to the point of yapping to anyone.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this is a throwaway bc i don't want to risk the people involved seeing this. about a month ago, i was at a party which was also attended by this guy we'll call stephen. stephen is someone i've met a few times before, he's a friend of a friend. he's a nice enough guy and i do like him a lot. at this party, he got really drunk and told me and our mutual friend that he has a really huge crush on this guy we'll call luke, who is quite a good friend of mine and the mutual friend's. i didn't even realise stephen knew him, but apparently they are quite close because their families are friends. he didn't necessarily say anything sexually explicit or creepy about luke, just kind of swooned a bit over how gorgeous he is. i saw luke a few days later and the topic of stephen came up. i mentioned that he had a crush on luke, and luke didn't really react much so i thought it was fine. apparently, it was not. for starters, apparently stephen was only out to a select few people, and neither luke or his parents were in that group. i guess luke told his parents, who told stephen's parents, who haven't reacted very well to it at all. luke has also stopped talking to him almost completely, which stephen is apparently very upset about. i haven't seen him since this happened but apparently he's just totally miserable rn. our mutual friend says he hasn't left the house much in weeks, he's barely eating and he doesn't seem to be sleeping very well. i'm hearing from all sides that this is entirely my fault. i get that i was kinda involved for telling luke, but i think it's unfair to pin all of the blame on me; i didn't know stephen wasn't out to everyone and i didn't know that luke and his parents were going to react this way. i've been told that i should learn not to be nosey and gossip and i get that, but i still think it's unfair that i'm being held responsible for this.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this is a throwaway bc i don't want to risk the people involved seeing this. about a month ago, i was at a party which was also attended by this guy we'll call stephen. stephen is someone i've met a few times before, he's a friend of a friend. he's a nice enough guy and i do like him a lot. at this party, he got really drunk and told me and our mutual friend that he has a really huge crush on this guy we'll call luke, who is quite a good friend of mine and the mutual friend's. i didn't even realise stephen knew him, but apparently they are quite close because their families are friends. he didn't necessarily say anything sexually explicit or creepy about luke, just kind of swooned a bit over how gorgeous he is. i saw luke a few days later and the topic of stephen came up. i mentioned that he had a crush on luke, and luke didn't really react much so i thought it was fine. apparently, it was not. for starters, apparently stephen was only out to a select few people, and neither luke or his parents were in that group. i guess luke told his parents, who told stephen's parents, who haven't reacted very well to it at all. luke has also stopped talking to him almost completely, which stephen is apparently very upset about. i haven't seen him since this happened but apparently he's just totally miserable rn. our mutual friend says he hasn't left the house much in weeks, he's barely eating and he doesn't seem to be sleeping very well. i'm hearing from all sides that this is entirely my fault. i get that i was kinda involved for telling luke, but i think it's unfair to pin all of the blame on me; i didn't know stephen wasn't out to everyone and i didn't know that luke and his parents were going to react this way. i've been told that i should learn not to be nosey and gossip and i get that, but i still think it's unfair that i'm being held responsible for this. [/INST] yta. my dude, you don't out people unless you have permission. even if he wasn't gay, that was clearly told to you in confidence. besides, i can't imagine *anyone* wants their crush being told without their consent. why would you tell luke anyway if you know he's straight? even assuming stephen was out to him, what is telling a straight guy that a guy likes him going to accomplish except to alienate the two? </s>
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AITA for not paying for my sister’s dinner?
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my (37f) mother’s birthday is coming up and i said i’d like to take her and my dad out to a new restaurant i know she’s been excited to try.
i told my sister (33f) about the plan and invited her to join. she immediately said yes and then i added that i’d only be paying for my parents and she’d have to cover herself. it’s not a cheap restaurant but she can well afford it. she then changed her mind and tried to get me to change the location.
aita for asking her to pay for herself? i can well afford to pay for her, too, and i have often covered delivery for my family when they visit my house, but i’m tired of her just assuming that i’ve got it. ultimately she said she would join, so yay!, but i’m wondering if i should be expected to pay if i’m extending the invitation.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/py9va1/aita_for_not_paying_for_my_sisters_dinner/
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2021-09-30 01:54:22
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nta
why isn’t she going 1/2 on the bill with you for your mom’s birthday?
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nta-you let her know with the invitation. it’s not like you sprung it on her as the bill arrived. though i will say it’s not on anyone but her to decide what she can and cannot afford.
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as long as she doesn't make a fuss about you not paying, nah.
and no, there's no unwritten rule that the person doing the inviting will pay for everyone, so don't worry about that.
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maybe the two of you split the bill. when it was my parents anniversary, my siblings and i split the bill when we went to a really nice restaurant.
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why not you and your mother go to the restaurant for her birthday and your sister can take your mother to another, you pay for your mums meal at your restaurant, and your sister pays for your mothers at hers. that way your mum gets treated twice. if your sister doesn’t go to your meal that’s fine.
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nah, it's okay to ask her to pay for herself and it's okay for her to say she can't
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (37f) mother’s birthday is coming up and i said i’d like to take her and my dad out to a new restaurant i know she’s been excited to try. i told my sister (33f) about the plan and invited her to join. she immediately said yes and then i added that i’d only be paying for my parents and she’d have to cover herself. it’s not a cheap restaurant but she can well afford it. she then changed her mind and tried to get me to change the location. aita for asking her to pay for herself? i can well afford to pay for her, too, and i have often covered delivery for my family when they visit my house, but i’m tired of her just assuming that i’ve got it. ultimately she said she would join, so yay!, but i’m wondering if i should be expected to pay if i’m extending the invitation.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (37f) mother’s birthday is coming up and i said i’d like to take her and my dad out to a new restaurant i know she’s been excited to try. i told my sister (33f) about the plan and invited her to join. she immediately said yes and then i added that i’d only be paying for my parents and she’d have to cover herself. it’s not a cheap restaurant but she can well afford it. she then changed her mind and tried to get me to change the location. aita for asking her to pay for herself? i can well afford to pay for her, too, and i have often covered delivery for my family when they visit my house, but i’m tired of her just assuming that i’ve got it. ultimately she said she would join, so yay!, but i’m wondering if i should be expected to pay if i’m extending the invitation. [/INST] nta why isn’t she going 1/2 on the bill with you for your mom’s birthday? </s>
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AITA for telling my stepmother she doesn't get to demand a mother of the groom dance with me?
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i'm getting married in a few weeks. my fianceee and i plan to do a dance with our moms. she was raised by a single mom. i am very close to my mom. so the same dance will be both me and my mom and my fiancee and her mom. issue is i have a stepmother who views me as her son, who is now jealous my mom gets the dance with me and not a shared one with both of them.
i don't care for the woman all that much. i think she's very demanding and entitled. she felt like dating my dad was enough to earn herself a title with me and my sisters and she has never liked that she doesn't have a mom title with us. but where her insecurity mostly comes from is the fact my baby sister has two little kids and neither calls her grandma. so i know she wants to feel like one of the three of us accepts her as more than a stepmother.
i also understand it must hurt her that she's been in our lives for close to 20 years (we were all under 10 when she married our dad) but not one of us is close to her or values her in our lives very much.
still, she told me she was owed a dance and i should split my mother/son dance at my wedding with her and my mom so i represent both moms. i told her she's not my mom to start and she doesn't get to demand a mother of the groom dance with me at my wedding. she's pissed that i accused her of demanding it but it's exactly what she did.
my dad is pissed that i said no and that i accused her of demanding it. he said all she did was make a request as one of my mothers.
aita?
| 279 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qc4n3k/aita_for_telling_my_stepmother_she_doesnt_get_to/
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2021-10-20 16:21:25
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nta - as an adult "mother" is an earned title, not a given one. if you are close with your mother and want to share that moment with her, stepmom has no right or claim to shorten, invade, or otherwise impact it, regardless of your relationship with her.
you could probably be a bit more sensitive as you've mentioned she's insecure and jealous, but ultimately you're not an asshole for wanting to dance with your mom first at your wedding
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nta
it’s literally your choice.
my (19) nephew (23?) got married earlier this year he did a dance with his mom and his stepmom (stepmom is my sil) because he’s close with both of them and felt they should both be honored with a dance.
you are closer to you mom and you even said you don’t care for your stepmom. so therefore you don’t have to give her a mother/son dance at your wedding.
*it’s always the choice of the groom/bride when it comes to these kinds of things. don’t let anyone change your mind.*
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tale as old at time on this sub - pushy stepmother demanding to be more than just dad's wife then pulling a surprised pikachu face when it doesn't happen. nta
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“still, she told me she was owed a dance.”
says who? is there some book of etiquette on stepparent relationships that says so? you owe her nothing. it is your wedding day. dance with who you choose.
your father married her, he can dance with her.
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nta
contrary to her belief, you don’t owe anyone anything at your wedding.
why would she even want to dance with you, given that she‘d be very well aware of how much you‘d dislike it? how uncomfortable and awkward that would be, just for the sake of *pretending* to be a motherly figure to you…
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nta. your wedding, your decision. also:
'not a shared one with both of them.'
i'm assuming by this she means her and your mother taking turns rather than at the same time. in which case you just know she'd demand to dance with you first. stand your ground.
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nta - she inferred that you 'owed' her, and that's just not okay. your wedding is your own to do as you please, you owe her nothing.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm getting married in a few weeks. my fianceee and i plan to do a dance with our moms. she was raised by a single mom. i am very close to my mom. so the same dance will be both me and my mom and my fiancee and her mom. issue is i have a stepmother who views me as her son, who is now jealous my mom gets the dance with me and not a shared one with both of them. i don't care for the woman all that much. i think she's very demanding and entitled. she felt like dating my dad was enough to earn herself a title with me and my sisters and she has never liked that she doesn't have a mom title with us. but where her insecurity mostly comes from is the fact my baby sister has two little kids and neither calls her grandma. so i know she wants to feel like one of the three of us accepts her as more than a stepmother. i also understand it must hurt her that she's been in our lives for close to 20 years (we were all under 10 when she married our dad) but not one of us is close to her or values her in our lives very much. still, she told me she was owed a dance and i should split my mother/son dance at my wedding with her and my mom so i represent both moms. i told her she's not my mom to start and she doesn't get to demand a mother of the groom dance with me at my wedding. she's pissed that i accused her of demanding it but it's exactly what she did. my dad is pissed that i said no and that i accused her of demanding it. he said all she did was make a request as one of my mothers. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm getting married in a few weeks. my fianceee and i plan to do a dance with our moms. she was raised by a single mom. i am very close to my mom. so the same dance will be both me and my mom and my fiancee and her mom. issue is i have a stepmother who views me as her son, who is now jealous my mom gets the dance with me and not a shared one with both of them. i don't care for the woman all that much. i think she's very demanding and entitled. she felt like dating my dad was enough to earn herself a title with me and my sisters and she has never liked that she doesn't have a mom title with us. but where her insecurity mostly comes from is the fact my baby sister has two little kids and neither calls her grandma. so i know she wants to feel like one of the three of us accepts her as more than a stepmother. i also understand it must hurt her that she's been in our lives for close to 20 years (we were all under 10 when she married our dad) but not one of us is close to her or values her in our lives very much. still, she told me she was owed a dance and i should split my mother/son dance at my wedding with her and my mom so i represent both moms. i told her she's not my mom to start and she doesn't get to demand a mother of the groom dance with me at my wedding. she's pissed that i accused her of demanding it but it's exactly what she did. my dad is pissed that i said no and that i accused her of demanding it. he said all she did was make a request as one of my mothers. aita? [/INST] nta - as an adult "mother" is an earned title, not a given one. if you are close with your mother and want to share that moment with her, stepmom has no right or claim to shorten, invade, or otherwise impact it, regardless of your relationship with her. you could probably be a bit more sensitive as you've mentioned she's insecure and jealous, but ultimately you're not an asshole for wanting to dance with your mom first at your wedding </s>
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AITA for getting an ADHD diagnosis behind my parents' backs?
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this is a throwaway and my first time posting so please bear with me. please don't post this anywhere else!
context:
i am 18f and a senior in hs. my parents have been separated for 4 years and divorced for 2. normally custody of me and my brother (14m) is 10 days mom - 4 days dad every 2 week period.
dad and i have always had a strenuous relationship; ex: when my parents first separated, i didn't speak to/see dad for about a year bc i was trying to deal with my family unit breaking up. even while growing up i didn't see dad as he went abroad on business trips 9/12 months a year.
when i had to start thinking about/applying to colleges, he became obsessed with his "baby girl" leaving him and wanted to spend as much time with me as possible bc he felt that he had missed my childhood. i told him that i was uncomfortable and wanted him to chill out.
dad is manipulative around the topic of money. he believes that it's my duty to spend time with him bc i've treated him as an "atm" for all my life. i've expressed to him that him using money (especially for college) against me makes me uncomfortable but he just denies it. lately he has gotten really bad bc of financial aid deadlines. he hates that while he is doing this thing for me (applying for financial aid), i am not doing anything for him (playing video games).
the next time i went to mom's i ignored him bc i was upset at how he treats me. when the time came to switch back, i wrote him a long email saying that i wasn't comfortable continuing our relationship until he went to therapy. i asked him not to text me/call me all the time, not to involve 14m in this, not to harass mom/therapist, and to go to therapy weekly.
the same week, i happened to have my appt at the doctor. i asked her to screen me for adhd bc i have been struggling more than usual and my coping habits weren't working. she sent me home with connor's form, i filled it out, and mailed it back to her. she set up a virtual appt a couple of days later and diagnosed me with inattentive adhd.
this shocked my parents bc i have great grades and i've never shown any stereotypical symptoms before.
conflict:
dad's harassing mom and therapist saying he's concerned about me bc he believes i'm mentally unstable for going behind his back to get a diagnosis and starting "hard drugs" (vyvanse, which is similar to adderall but you can't develop a dependency). he believes that this is the cause of why i've stopped talking to him and refuse to see him.
i have let mom in the loop. she just doesn't communicate with dad bc she hates him.
i really feel like this diagnosis was really bad timing bc it's making dad not take me seriously about how i am uncomfortable with our whole relationship and simply disregarding my entire letter. i am starting to feel like the ah bc if i had let him in on trying to get diagnosed then maybe now he would take my feelings seriously and not chalk it up to adhd and "hard drugs." aita?
| 327 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lz6s3w/aita_for_getting_an_adhd_diagnosis_behind_my/
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2021-03-06 17:42:16
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nta
you are an adult and as such your health is your business, and no-one gets to know any of it unless you choose to tell them. so you dad had no right to know until you chose to let him know.
secondly, your diagnosis has nothing to do with his issues and his obvious reluctance to deal with them. he will never improve himself until he stops looking for excuses and wants to. this is not your fault.
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nta. at 18, you have every right to seek your own medical attention and diagnoses and you should. this isn’t about your dad.
to be direct, your dad sounds narcissistic. his transactional attitude toward his financial support of his daughter, his fury that you’re out of his control, triangulating with others, not respecting your boundaries. it paints a pretty strong picture.
you’re about to enter a stage of your life that will be about learning to take care of yourself. getting the diagnoses and help you need is part of that and you shouldn’t feel one bit bad about it. this is not a “betrayal” of your parents in any way.
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nta. the timing wouldve never “been right” for your father, and as a growing adult you deserve treatment for whatever you feel necessary.
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nta - i got my formal diagnosis in college too. my dad also did the trying to make up for being the lame parent thing once i got older so i understand where you're coming from. you are in the right when trying to understand how your brain works. your dad is just reaching for ant modicum of control and is flailing.
also, vyvanse isn't a hard drug. he's just making excuses for his crap behavior. personally i don't consider adderall a hard drug either as it's monitored (ant pharmaceutical can be abused, and it's not crystal meth like some think).
you need to do what's best for your future and brain.
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nta. you didn’t choose to get diagnosed. you noticed you were having trouble and asked the medical professional to test you. exactly what you are supposed to do. you’re an adult and your dad has no business trying to interfere with your health.
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nta. you're an adult. this diagnosis and medication may just change your life; it was life changing for me. this sounds like part of a larger pattern of controlling behaviour from your dad.
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nta
but please do understand that it is possible to develop dependence with vyvanse and people may try to steal your medication if they know you have it. be safe. your dad is an ass. don't keep financial ties with him. stick to your boundaries.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this is a throwaway and my first time posting so please bear with me. please don't post this anywhere else! context: i am 18f and a senior in hs. my parents have been separated for 4 years and divorced for 2. normally custody of me and my brother (14m) is 10 days mom - 4 days dad every 2 week period. dad and i have always had a strenuous relationship; ex: when my parents first separated, i didn't speak to/see dad for about a year bc i was trying to deal with my family unit breaking up. even while growing up i didn't see dad as he went abroad on business trips 9/12 months a year. when i had to start thinking about/applying to colleges, he became obsessed with his "baby girl" leaving him and wanted to spend as much time with me as possible bc he felt that he had missed my childhood. i told him that i was uncomfortable and wanted him to chill out. dad is manipulative around the topic of money. he believes that it's my duty to spend time with him bc i've treated him as an "atm" for all my life. i've expressed to him that him using money (especially for college) against me makes me uncomfortable but he just denies it. lately he has gotten really bad bc of financial aid deadlines. he hates that while he is doing this thing for me (applying for financial aid), i am not doing anything for him (playing video games). the next time i went to mom's i ignored him bc i was upset at how he treats me. when the time came to switch back, i wrote him a long email saying that i wasn't comfortable continuing our relationship until he went to therapy. i asked him not to text me/call me all the time, not to involve 14m in this, not to harass mom/therapist, and to go to therapy weekly. the same week, i happened to have my appt at the doctor. i asked her to screen me for adhd bc i have been struggling more than usual and my coping habits weren't working. she sent me home with connor's form, i filled it out, and mailed it back to her. she set up a virtual appt a couple of days later and diagnosed me with inattentive adhd. this shocked my parents bc i have great grades and i've never shown any stereotypical symptoms before. conflict: dad's harassing mom and therapist saying he's concerned about me bc he believes i'm mentally unstable for going behind his back to get a diagnosis and starting "hard drugs" (vyvanse, which is similar to adderall but you can't develop a dependency). he believes that this is the cause of why i've stopped talking to him and refuse to see him. i have let mom in the loop. she just doesn't communicate with dad bc she hates him. i really feel like this diagnosis was really bad timing bc it's making dad not take me seriously about how i am uncomfortable with our whole relationship and simply disregarding my entire letter. i am starting to feel like the ah bc if i had let him in on trying to get diagnosed then maybe now he would take my feelings seriously and not chalk it up to adhd and "hard drugs." aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this is a throwaway and my first time posting so please bear with me. please don't post this anywhere else! context: i am 18f and a senior in hs. my parents have been separated for 4 years and divorced for 2. normally custody of me and my brother (14m) is 10 days mom - 4 days dad every 2 week period. dad and i have always had a strenuous relationship; ex: when my parents first separated, i didn't speak to/see dad for about a year bc i was trying to deal with my family unit breaking up. even while growing up i didn't see dad as he went abroad on business trips 9/12 months a year. when i had to start thinking about/applying to colleges, he became obsessed with his "baby girl" leaving him and wanted to spend as much time with me as possible bc he felt that he had missed my childhood. i told him that i was uncomfortable and wanted him to chill out. dad is manipulative around the topic of money. he believes that it's my duty to spend time with him bc i've treated him as an "atm" for all my life. i've expressed to him that him using money (especially for college) against me makes me uncomfortable but he just denies it. lately he has gotten really bad bc of financial aid deadlines. he hates that while he is doing this thing for me (applying for financial aid), i am not doing anything for him (playing video games). the next time i went to mom's i ignored him bc i was upset at how he treats me. when the time came to switch back, i wrote him a long email saying that i wasn't comfortable continuing our relationship until he went to therapy. i asked him not to text me/call me all the time, not to involve 14m in this, not to harass mom/therapist, and to go to therapy weekly. the same week, i happened to have my appt at the doctor. i asked her to screen me for adhd bc i have been struggling more than usual and my coping habits weren't working. she sent me home with connor's form, i filled it out, and mailed it back to her. she set up a virtual appt a couple of days later and diagnosed me with inattentive adhd. this shocked my parents bc i have great grades and i've never shown any stereotypical symptoms before. conflict: dad's harassing mom and therapist saying he's concerned about me bc he believes i'm mentally unstable for going behind his back to get a diagnosis and starting "hard drugs" (vyvanse, which is similar to adderall but you can't develop a dependency). he believes that this is the cause of why i've stopped talking to him and refuse to see him. i have let mom in the loop. she just doesn't communicate with dad bc she hates him. i really feel like this diagnosis was really bad timing bc it's making dad not take me seriously about how i am uncomfortable with our whole relationship and simply disregarding my entire letter. i am starting to feel like the ah bc if i had let him in on trying to get diagnosed then maybe now he would take my feelings seriously and not chalk it up to adhd and "hard drugs." aita? [/INST] nta you are an adult and as such your health is your business, and no-one gets to know any of it unless you choose to tell them. so you dad had no right to know until you chose to let him know. secondly, your diagnosis has nothing to do with his issues and his obvious reluctance to deal with them. he will never improve himself until he stops looking for excuses and wants to. this is not your fault. </s>
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AITA for reporting my coworker who was selling her medication?
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i (22f) just recently started my job working with foster homes about a month ago. i had a coworker (27f), we'll call her ellen. ellen was incredibly open about her personal life. she would talk about sex capades, her bodily issues, etc. well, i was in the car with e, and she stated she had a secret. when i did not push the issue, she egged me on to ask, and so i did. she disclosed to me that she is selling her adhd medication, adderall, for $10 a pill, making $600 a month from it. she claims that she sells it to one adult (who is apparently taking a cocktail of other drugs). she asked me not to tell anyone. well, i reported it to our boss as it's y'know, illegal, and it worried me since she works with foster kids and families. i worried about our firm as well, if something like this got out. she was fired for it today (as well as 2 years of tardiness, speaking ill of coworkers, etc).
i called my mother yesterday, in hopes for advice if i did the right or wrong thing. my mom wasn't exactly a fan of what i did, calling me a narc. she stated that i have potentially ruined her life, and that it was none of my business. i don't have enough life experience to know what's going on, and may have financially ruined her (ellen ordered doordash 1-2x a workday, and binges alcohol, so it's presumed that's where a decent chunk of money goes). both my parents are potheads, my sister and brother have both at one time sold and/or did drugs as well. i'm the odd one out, really. anyway. so she just wasn't a fan. my sister stated she understood why, but that she would not have personally done it.
so now it's kind of weighing on me, whether i did the right or wrong thing in this situation. i've never gotten someone fired before, and it's hard to have my family not see it as a good idea or the right decision. my boss assures me that i was right, but it's just weighing on me. aita?
| 164 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ykozih/aita_for_reporting_my_coworker_who_was_selling/
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2022-11-03 01:50:10
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nta – you did the right thing. what she’s doing is highly illegal and exposes the entire company to an easily avoidable risk.
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nta. first off she worked with very vulnerable children, some who likely were removed from their homes for reasons a lot like this. second, you're probably a mandated reporter if you work with fosters.
you absolutely did the right thing. she's an idiot looking to get locked up if she's not careful.
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first off, it is illegal to sell prescribed medicine of that type to others.
second, she worked with a vulnerable population.
third, she knew the consequences of what could happen if she got caught. so her egging you on to ask her about her "secret" was stupid on her part. she also would know this even if she didn't egg you on to ask.
your coworker made extremely poor decisions. i question how she stayed in the job in the first place as her professional boundaries seem not to exist.
your family is biased. you didn't ruin her life. she did.
nta
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omg nta. anyone who says otherwise is wrong. you didn’t report it out of revenge, you reported it out of concern to protect your clients. good job.
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nta
she ratted herself out lol. i understand the foster business my family runs an agency. if she got caught instead of getting fired, a lot worse could have happened to her.
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nta. if she was selling to clients especially you had a duty to report. it was stupid of her to tell you, a coworker, because when it came out if it came out you knew you would have been fired too. she put you in a lose lose situation. it also sounds like she was on her way out the door anyways with all the tardiness and other issues.
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info
how does she gets fired on your word alone? since she should just have denied it since no proof.
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[deleted]
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null | null | null | 0.007141 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (22f) just recently started my job working with foster homes about a month ago. i had a coworker (27f), we'll call her ellen. ellen was incredibly open about her personal life. she would talk about sex capades, her bodily issues, etc. well, i was in the car with e, and she stated she had a secret. when i did not push the issue, she egged me on to ask, and so i did. she disclosed to me that she is selling her adhd medication, adderall, for $10 a pill, making $600 a month from it. she claims that she sells it to one adult (who is apparently taking a cocktail of other drugs). she asked me not to tell anyone. well, i reported it to our boss as it's y'know, illegal, and it worried me since she works with foster kids and families. i worried about our firm as well, if something like this got out. she was fired for it today (as well as 2 years of tardiness, speaking ill of coworkers, etc). i called my mother yesterday, in hopes for advice if i did the right or wrong thing. my mom wasn't exactly a fan of what i did, calling me a narc. she stated that i have potentially ruined her life, and that it was none of my business. i don't have enough life experience to know what's going on, and may have financially ruined her (ellen ordered doordash 1-2x a workday, and binges alcohol, so it's presumed that's where a decent chunk of money goes). both my parents are potheads, my sister and brother have both at one time sold and/or did drugs as well. i'm the odd one out, really. anyway. so she just wasn't a fan. my sister stated she understood why, but that she would not have personally done it. so now it's kind of weighing on me, whether i did the right or wrong thing in this situation. i've never gotten someone fired before, and it's hard to have my family not see it as a good idea or the right decision. my boss assures me that i was right, but it's just weighing on me. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (22f) just recently started my job working with foster homes about a month ago. i had a coworker (27f), we'll call her ellen. ellen was incredibly open about her personal life. she would talk about sex capades, her bodily issues, etc. well, i was in the car with e, and she stated she had a secret. when i did not push the issue, she egged me on to ask, and so i did. she disclosed to me that she is selling her adhd medication, adderall, for $10 a pill, making $600 a month from it. she claims that she sells it to one adult (who is apparently taking a cocktail of other drugs). she asked me not to tell anyone. well, i reported it to our boss as it's y'know, illegal, and it worried me since she works with foster kids and families. i worried about our firm as well, if something like this got out. she was fired for it today (as well as 2 years of tardiness, speaking ill of coworkers, etc). i called my mother yesterday, in hopes for advice if i did the right or wrong thing. my mom wasn't exactly a fan of what i did, calling me a narc. she stated that i have potentially ruined her life, and that it was none of my business. i don't have enough life experience to know what's going on, and may have financially ruined her (ellen ordered doordash 1-2x a workday, and binges alcohol, so it's presumed that's where a decent chunk of money goes). both my parents are potheads, my sister and brother have both at one time sold and/or did drugs as well. i'm the odd one out, really. anyway. so she just wasn't a fan. my sister stated she understood why, but that she would not have personally done it. so now it's kind of weighing on me, whether i did the right or wrong thing in this situation. i've never gotten someone fired before, and it's hard to have my family not see it as a good idea or the right decision. my boss assures me that i was right, but it's just weighing on me. aita? [/INST] nta – you did the right thing. what she’s doing is highly illegal and exposes the entire company to an easily avoidable risk. </s>
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AITA for insisting my husband helps our daughter with her homework
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my husband (33m) and i (33f) have two kids, 4 and 1. we live in a non-english speaking country. i am a native english speaker and my husband is not, the local language is his native language. we are raising our children bilingually and generally follow one parent one language. he speaks to them in the local language and i speak to them in english. i speak the language here very well, but it’s not my native language and as i learned as an older teenager i have an accent and make some occasional pronunciation / grammatical errors.
| 220 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jsuryt/aita_for_insisting_my_husband_helps_our_daughter/
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2020-11-12 13:42:20
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nta. even if it wasn't in different languages it shouldn't be such a big deal to help your child with their homework. it shouldn't default to you. he needs to help out as well, especially because it's in his native tongue.
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nta - sounds like your husband has some old fashioned ideas about gender roles. does he help with the kids at all?
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info: do both you and your husband work equal amounts, divide up housework and stuff equally etc? or is there an arrangement where one of you works and the other stays home and primarily cares for the kids?
|
he is lacking in commitment to his child's welfare. someone in your home is ta but it's not you.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | 0.052378 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband (33m) and i (33f) have two kids, 4 and 1. we live in a non-english speaking country. i am a native english speaker and my husband is not, the local language is his native language. we are raising our children bilingually and generally follow one parent one language. he speaks to them in the local language and i speak to them in english. i speak the language here very well, but it’s not my native language and as i learned as an older teenager i have an accent and make some occasional pronunciation / grammatical errors.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband (33m) and i (33f) have two kids, 4 and 1. we live in a non-english speaking country. i am a native english speaker and my husband is not, the local language is his native language. we are raising our children bilingually and generally follow one parent one language. he speaks to them in the local language and i speak to them in english. i speak the language here very well, but it’s not my native language and as i learned as an older teenager i have an accent and make some occasional pronunciation / grammatical errors. [/INST] nta. even if it wasn't in different languages it shouldn't be such a big deal to help your child with their homework. it shouldn't default to you. he needs to help out as well, especially because it's in his native tongue. </s>
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AITA for politely declining to exchange phone numbers with my neighbor?
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my wife (29f) and i (33m) purchased our first home a couple years ago, and the neighbor across the street (50-60s m) has always been really friendly. pretty much any time either of us are outside, he comes over to chat and make small talk, but it goes on, and on, and on. i've noticed he spends 4-8 hours a day outside in front of his house, often stands there staring at our house for minutes at a time, and he stops literally everybody who walks by to talk to them.
when he comes over (walks onto our property uninvited) to talk to us, we indulge for a minute and are always polite, but keep it light and try to find an excuse to go inside or around back because we're fairly shy people and he's a little bit odd. also, we don't really have much in common with him and aside from being nice neighbors, we have no reason at all to be social with him.
our province recently went into further lockdown - so no outdoor gatherings are permitted by people who don't live together, etc. today he came over and began talking about how people in the neighborhood need to take care of eachother, and how when people (in general) are walking by, they're often "casing places out" based on his experience living in california (because that's directly related to a small canadian town, somehow).
he then told me we needed to exchange phone numbers. i let him know that i would definitely wave him down outside if i ever saw anything that seemed weird, but that my wife and i like to sort of keep to ourselves. he then repeated that we needed to trade phone numbers, so that if one of us saw something at 2:30am, we could call eachother. i thanked him for keeping an eye out in the area and being a caring neighbor, but once again said we like to keep to ourselves and don't share our numbers with many people. i stayed really polite, thanking him repeatedly.
at this point, he started having a fit. he started repeating (very loudly) "i get the message", putting his hand up, and stomping away (while still repeating "i get it, i get the message"). i tried thanking him again for wanting to keep an eye out and he just kept stomping away, pretty obviously upset.
i normally do just about anything i can to avoid conflict, but really didn't feel comfortable giving my number to someone who already hasn't demonstrated a whole lot in the way of boundaries. aita?
tldr; neighbor has no boundaries and demanded we exchange phone numbers, i politely declined, and he threw a fit. aita?
| 247 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mszw0y/aita_for_politely_declining_to_exchange_phone/
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2021-04-17 21:48:43
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nta.
what are you going to see at arse o'clock of the morning that you'll call your neighbor and wake them up? if it's truly something dangerous, you'll call emergency services.
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nta
if they get your number, you'll either be getting calls at 2am for a strange noise (the wind) or they're just lonely and will call to talk all the time.
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nta just because someone asks for your number, or anything else, doesn't mean you're obligated to provide it.
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nta. he seems like trying to force you into doing something you don't want, which is not cool.
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nta
he sounds like a lonely fella who just wants some company but it's not your job to keep him company. you seem to be doing well just chitting the chat but the fella wants more. nothing wrong with showing boundaries.
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nta - the worst pest in the world is a bored senior. i feel for them but the problem is they need to seek out other bored seniors. younger people have very busy lives and don't want to stop and chat every time they walk out their front door. now, you're probably looking outside before you leave your house. that's just sad.
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nta. maybe offer your email instead? that's way lower maintenance.
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nta he should call the police, not you, at 2:30 am if there is something that suspicious! do what makes you comfortable. i think it was smart not sharing your # with him, since he seems the type to abuse it.
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nta. even though i think it’s good for neighbors to have each other’s numbers, no one is owed your personal information.
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nta at all! you don’t need to share personal information with anyone you don’t want to. i think not giving him your number was definitely the right call as your neighbour doesn’t seem to respect people’s time or boundries
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife (29f) and i (33m) purchased our first home a couple years ago, and the neighbor across the street (50-60s m) has always been really friendly. pretty much any time either of us are outside, he comes over to chat and make small talk, but it goes on, and on, and on. i've noticed he spends 4-8 hours a day outside in front of his house, often stands there staring at our house for minutes at a time, and he stops literally everybody who walks by to talk to them. when he comes over (walks onto our property uninvited) to talk to us, we indulge for a minute and are always polite, but keep it light and try to find an excuse to go inside or around back because we're fairly shy people and he's a little bit odd. also, we don't really have much in common with him and aside from being nice neighbors, we have no reason at all to be social with him. our province recently went into further lockdown - so no outdoor gatherings are permitted by people who don't live together, etc. today he came over and began talking about how people in the neighborhood need to take care of eachother, and how when people (in general) are walking by, they're often "casing places out" based on his experience living in california (because that's directly related to a small canadian town, somehow). he then told me we needed to exchange phone numbers. i let him know that i would definitely wave him down outside if i ever saw anything that seemed weird, but that my wife and i like to sort of keep to ourselves. he then repeated that we needed to trade phone numbers, so that if one of us saw something at 2:30am, we could call eachother. i thanked him for keeping an eye out in the area and being a caring neighbor, but once again said we like to keep to ourselves and don't share our numbers with many people. i stayed really polite, thanking him repeatedly. at this point, he started having a fit. he started repeating (very loudly) "i get the message", putting his hand up, and stomping away (while still repeating "i get it, i get the message"). i tried thanking him again for wanting to keep an eye out and he just kept stomping away, pretty obviously upset. i normally do just about anything i can to avoid conflict, but really didn't feel comfortable giving my number to someone who already hasn't demonstrated a whole lot in the way of boundaries. aita? tldr; neighbor has no boundaries and demanded we exchange phone numbers, i politely declined, and he threw a fit. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife (29f) and i (33m) purchased our first home a couple years ago, and the neighbor across the street (50-60s m) has always been really friendly. pretty much any time either of us are outside, he comes over to chat and make small talk, but it goes on, and on, and on. i've noticed he spends 4-8 hours a day outside in front of his house, often stands there staring at our house for minutes at a time, and he stops literally everybody who walks by to talk to them. when he comes over (walks onto our property uninvited) to talk to us, we indulge for a minute and are always polite, but keep it light and try to find an excuse to go inside or around back because we're fairly shy people and he's a little bit odd. also, we don't really have much in common with him and aside from being nice neighbors, we have no reason at all to be social with him. our province recently went into further lockdown - so no outdoor gatherings are permitted by people who don't live together, etc. today he came over and began talking about how people in the neighborhood need to take care of eachother, and how when people (in general) are walking by, they're often "casing places out" based on his experience living in california (because that's directly related to a small canadian town, somehow). he then told me we needed to exchange phone numbers. i let him know that i would definitely wave him down outside if i ever saw anything that seemed weird, but that my wife and i like to sort of keep to ourselves. he then repeated that we needed to trade phone numbers, so that if one of us saw something at 2:30am, we could call eachother. i thanked him for keeping an eye out in the area and being a caring neighbor, but once again said we like to keep to ourselves and don't share our numbers with many people. i stayed really polite, thanking him repeatedly. at this point, he started having a fit. he started repeating (very loudly) "i get the message", putting his hand up, and stomping away (while still repeating "i get it, i get the message"). i tried thanking him again for wanting to keep an eye out and he just kept stomping away, pretty obviously upset. i normally do just about anything i can to avoid conflict, but really didn't feel comfortable giving my number to someone who already hasn't demonstrated a whole lot in the way of boundaries. aita? tldr; neighbor has no boundaries and demanded we exchange phone numbers, i politely declined, and he threw a fit. aita? [/INST] nta. what are you going to see at arse o'clock of the morning that you'll call your neighbor and wake them up? if it's truly something dangerous, you'll call emergency services. </s>
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AITA for telling my son to shutup because he was upsetting other passengers?
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a couple of weeks ago i took my son down to florida to see family. he's 6 years old, and he's flown on a plane several times before.
i'm also a school teacher, so the way i talk to my son is usually the way i speak to my students.
about an hour before we had to board, my son asked me, and i quote, "is the plane going to crash?" i was surprised because he's never asked this before, and has flown so much and always enjoyed flying. so i asked him why he was asking me that. he just shrugged his shoulders, and i told him the plane definitely wouldn't crash.
i thought that was the end of it, but he asked me two more times, and i answered the same as before. i even asked him where he could be getting this from, and he said he didn't know.
we board. across the aisle from us, i overhear a woman who's in her 70's, saying this is her first time on a plane. within minutes of her saying this, my son started talking about a plane landing on water, and now it all made sense. still, i told him he needed to stop, because it could make other people scared. he stopped for a short while, and right before takeoff, he starts talking about plane crashes again. the woman across from us was staring at us. i don't blame her. other people were staring at us too.
during the first half of the flight, i patiently told him that plane crashes were a closed topic and kept redirecting him to other subjects. but eventually he went right back to plane crashes. out of frustration i yelled at him, "will you shutup about the plane crashes! i don't want to hear it anymore!" i got many more stares this time, but no one said anything. he was quiet the rest of the flight.
when we landed i apologized to him and told him i had gotten upset but shouldn't have said what i said. he told everyone in the family what i said and they are still holding it against me. told me i was wrong to tell him not talk about it with me, but i just didn't want him upsetting other people, and he had really pushed my limit.
| 2,600 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f3aaga/aita_for_telling_my_son_to_shutup_because_he_was/
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2020-02-13 13:53:32
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nta you tried to ask him to stop and distract him. doesn’t always work with kids. parents are allowed to lose their temper lol you apologized him and role modeled a good apology etc.
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you're gonna get a lot of asshole judgments from young people who have never dealt with a pestering kid, but i'm going to say nta.
yeah, you shouldn't have used the words "shut up" to your kid, and i'm sure you know that. but dear god do i sympathize. the amount of times i've slipped and used language at my kids is uncountable at this point. be it an eye roll paired with an under-the-breath "jesus christ" to "why the hell would you do that," even the most patient parents snap from time-to-time.
for your family to "hold it against you" rather than being understanding that sometimes parents snap and it doesn't make you a bad parent (especially when you apologized) is weird to me.
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just a side note, separate from the actual question where you're nta at all, but my dad was a teacher and him treating me like one of his students led to long lasting issues between us. i'm late 20s now and the issues are still prevalent, because of the lack of trust or emotional connection from my childhood. your future relationship with your son may benefit of you take a regular check of how you treat him, and make sure you treat him as your child, not as another kid you have to deal with.
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nah. it’s ok to lose it with kids sometimes if you follow up with an apology and explanation, like you did. being a perfect parent is impossible. being an imperfect parent who acknowledges their mistakes shows your child that nobody is perfect but everyone needs to try their best to be kind. it also shows your child that people will get annoyed with them if they behave a certain way.
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nta and i'm seriously rolling my eyes at all the perfect parents in these comments. i definitely would have lost my patience far sooner. i personally rarely if ever use the words "shut up" but i'd absolutely have yelled at my kid(s) and threatened them with all kinds of repercussions if they did not cease immediately. you're only human, and kids are assholes sometimes.
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as a parent, i’m gonna say nta. you shouldn’t have said “shut up” to your child and you know it, but you weren’t wrong to draw the boundary that certain things are inappropriate to discuss in certain settings. that is an extremely important lesson for kids to learn.
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nta - you repeatedly tried to calmly stop him. shouting was a last resort but it worked.
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nah - you yelled at him so no one else had to. i've seen worse from family members who are excellent parents whose kids got on their last nerve. it happens.
i have a phobia of flying. phobias are irrational and fitting within the irrationality of it all, overhearing a kid going on and on about plane crashes while on a plane would put me over the edge. i likely wouldn't blow up at the kid, because that's not my style, but i may say something to the parent. yelling at your kid wasn't the best move, but for him to have already gone half the flight talking about plane crashes was half a flight too long.
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nta ppl need to tell their kids to shut up every once in a while it builds character
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nah. don’t have a kid but i do have a puppy. i am all for positive reinforcement, was dead set on being patience with him, was never going to shout. but have i shouted - yes. i have lost my temper a few times, not proud but after getting nibbled pretty hard on my face, yeah, i shouted. i then apologised and felt a little guilty for a while.
you lost your temper, you shouldn’t have and you know that shouldn’t but you did. you then taught your son a lesson of responsibility by apologising for your actions. shit happens and honestly, i bet the elderly lady was glad that you did manage to get him to quiet down.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.005155 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: a couple of weeks ago i took my son down to florida to see family. he's 6 years old, and he's flown on a plane several times before. i'm also a school teacher, so the way i talk to my son is usually the way i speak to my students. about an hour before we had to board, my son asked me, and i quote, "is the plane going to crash?" i was surprised because he's never asked this before, and has flown so much and always enjoyed flying. so i asked him why he was asking me that. he just shrugged his shoulders, and i told him the plane definitely wouldn't crash. i thought that was the end of it, but he asked me two more times, and i answered the same as before. i even asked him where he could be getting this from, and he said he didn't know. we board. across the aisle from us, i overhear a woman who's in her 70's, saying this is her first time on a plane. within minutes of her saying this, my son started talking about a plane landing on water, and now it all made sense. still, i told him he needed to stop, because it could make other people scared. he stopped for a short while, and right before takeoff, he starts talking about plane crashes again. the woman across from us was staring at us. i don't blame her. other people were staring at us too. during the first half of the flight, i patiently told him that plane crashes were a closed topic and kept redirecting him to other subjects. but eventually he went right back to plane crashes. out of frustration i yelled at him, "will you shutup about the plane crashes! i don't want to hear it anymore!" i got many more stares this time, but no one said anything. he was quiet the rest of the flight. when we landed i apologized to him and told him i had gotten upset but shouldn't have said what i said. he told everyone in the family what i said and they are still holding it against me. told me i was wrong to tell him not talk about it with me, but i just didn't want him upsetting other people, and he had really pushed my limit.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
a couple of weeks ago i took my son down to florida to see family. he's 6 years old, and he's flown on a plane several times before. i'm also a school teacher, so the way i talk to my son is usually the way i speak to my students. about an hour before we had to board, my son asked me, and i quote, "is the plane going to crash?" i was surprised because he's never asked this before, and has flown so much and always enjoyed flying. so i asked him why he was asking me that. he just shrugged his shoulders, and i told him the plane definitely wouldn't crash. i thought that was the end of it, but he asked me two more times, and i answered the same as before. i even asked him where he could be getting this from, and he said he didn't know. we board. across the aisle from us, i overhear a woman who's in her 70's, saying this is her first time on a plane. within minutes of her saying this, my son started talking about a plane landing on water, and now it all made sense. still, i told him he needed to stop, because it could make other people scared. he stopped for a short while, and right before takeoff, he starts talking about plane crashes again. the woman across from us was staring at us. i don't blame her. other people were staring at us too. during the first half of the flight, i patiently told him that plane crashes were a closed topic and kept redirecting him to other subjects. but eventually he went right back to plane crashes. out of frustration i yelled at him, "will you shutup about the plane crashes! i don't want to hear it anymore!" i got many more stares this time, but no one said anything. he was quiet the rest of the flight. when we landed i apologized to him and told him i had gotten upset but shouldn't have said what i said. he told everyone in the family what i said and they are still holding it against me. told me i was wrong to tell him not talk about it with me, but i just didn't want him upsetting other people, and he had really pushed my limit. [/INST] nta you tried to ask him to stop and distract him. doesn’t always work with kids. parents are allowed to lose their temper lol you apologized him and role modeled a good apology etc. </s>
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AITA for not changing my parenting rules and jeopardizing my baby’s health to please MIL
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please do not use my post for any of your youtube/columns/etc. *no reposting or using outside of this sub. my pain is not for anyone’s content generation*
this happened over a year ago, but my husband’s entire family (and him) still blame me for it and say i was the asshole.
so when our baby was 4 months old we agreed to join my ils to celebrate a family member’s birthday in a small town. that meant we had to get up super early, take a long-distance train for 1.5 hours and then drive for another 7 or 8 hours to get there. (a very small town, nearest airport was several hours away and no direct flights there, even though we live 30 minutes away from one of the busiest airports in the world). i agreed to it because my husband wanted to go.
when we arrived, my mil gave us a t-shirt as a gift for the baby. i thanked her, but told my husband i wouldn’t put it straight on the baby because all of baby’s clothes get washed in a gentle detergent before being worn. plus, i only get cotton clothes for the baby (the t-shirt she got was polyester patchwork)
i didn’t invent this extra step, it is recommended by every “baby” book i read and makers of baby clothes - because babies’ skin is very sensitive and things can go wrong very quickly. (especially on a hot summer day)
my mil asked us to dress the baby up in her t-shirt and we explained to her about pre-washing all the clothes. she must have continued pressuring my husband because he was pushing me and eventually we had a fight about it, but i still wouldn’t do it.
a week after we got home, my husband’s brother had *a talk* with him about how upset their mother was about us [me] being rude and not straight away dressing the baby in her gift. it came up few more times over the past 15 months, and yesterday it came up again [right after husband saw his mother] with my husband saying he didn’t understand why i wouldn’t just put the t-shirt on the baby. i countered that he should be mad at his mother for not reacting like a normal person to our parenting rules and instead blowing this up into a huge deal and complaining to family members about it.
what am i missing? aita for not wanting to risk my baby getting overheated or getting a rash just to please my mil?
| 3,942 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jc8qzr/aita_for_not_changing_my_parenting_rules_and/
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2020-10-16 12:17:34
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nta- let’s normalize not having to do things you’re uncomfortable with just to please other people! good for you for standing your ground.
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nta, your mil and family sound like more work than the baby is. it's a fair enough rule, i know one of my friend's kid has eczema and it's a nightmare all the skin care stuff he had to do for her to help it and how irritating it was for her. i agree it seems they blew it way out of proportion, especially still going on about it 15 months later. is there truly nothing else more important that have happened since then for them to talk about?
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nta. if she really wanted baby to wear her gift, she would have either pre-washed it herself or gotten some baby laundry soap and let you wash it quickly. my oldest had very sensitive skin, all the way into her school years, so i completely understand the idea of pre-washing outfits for the baby. unless your baby has shown a sensitivity to the polyester, i would have been less concerned about that part.
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nta. this is completely standard practice when you have a baby. your husband is ta for not standing up to his family and the in-laws are ta for harping on about it for a year!
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your baby was 4 months old and you traveled 1.5 hours by train and another 8 hours by car one way to go visit your inlaws and they're still complaining about something you wouldn't let them do 15 months later?? they are insane and you are nta.
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nta. i still wash all my clothes before i wear them. i definitely washed my children's clothes.
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[deleted]
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esh. you can’t look at this situation in isolation. i read your past posts and you have long-standing issues with her and so every interaction with her will be tainted by the past so it needs to be viewed through that lens. she shouldn’t have made such a big deal over it but you could have put it on for a few minutes and got some pics.
the polyester patchwork part makes me think you’re a bit over the top. i find it surprising you’ll only dress the child in cotton because of the pesticides and fertilizers that are used on cotton. if you’re that concerned about what touches baby’s skin you should probably start buying only organic cotton clothes for your little one.
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nta and tell your husband to get on your side and tell his family to get over it, ffs!
new clothes have chemicals and residues on them, from the production process. all
new clothes should be washed before use, for children and adults. 100% they should be washed for babies.
tell your husband this, and tell him you better not hear about this again from him or his family. if his family raise it again, refuse to talk with then or let them see your child, until they apologise for bullying you, when you did nothing wrong.
i'd get seriously pissed over this now, it's been 15 months, and they're still being stupid. they could easily have looked this up by now, and educated themselves that you were right.
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info: did you actually intend on washing the article of clothing and then dressing the baby in it?
or did you never intend on washing it and using it because it wasn’t cotton?
because if you were ok with using it if it was washed, you could have just put it on the baby later and taken some photos that you sent to mil and avoided this long term issue.
if you never intended to use the item, you shouldn’t have lied about prewashing being the issue. you should have thanked her for the gift, explained the issue truthfully and asked her if she’d like to return it.
so i’m going with yta. not because you don’t want your baby to wear anything other than prewashed cotton, but because i don’t think you handled this kindly. i think you saw this as a battle you needed to win against her and your goal was to make her the loser.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
ESH
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NTA
|
INFO
| 0.041117 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: please do not use my post for any of your youtube/columns/etc. *no reposting or using outside of this sub. my pain is not for anyone’s content generation* this happened over a year ago, but my husband’s entire family (and him) still blame me for it and say i was the asshole. so when our baby was 4 months old we agreed to join my ils to celebrate a family member’s birthday in a small town. that meant we had to get up super early, take a long-distance train for 1.5 hours and then drive for another 7 or 8 hours to get there. (a very small town, nearest airport was several hours away and no direct flights there, even though we live 30 minutes away from one of the busiest airports in the world). i agreed to it because my husband wanted to go. when we arrived, my mil gave us a t-shirt as a gift for the baby. i thanked her, but told my husband i wouldn’t put it straight on the baby because all of baby’s clothes get washed in a gentle detergent before being worn. plus, i only get cotton clothes for the baby (the t-shirt she got was polyester patchwork) i didn’t invent this extra step, it is recommended by every “baby” book i read and makers of baby clothes - because babies’ skin is very sensitive and things can go wrong very quickly. (especially on a hot summer day) my mil asked us to dress the baby up in her t-shirt and we explained to her about pre-washing all the clothes. she must have continued pressuring my husband because he was pushing me and eventually we had a fight about it, but i still wouldn’t do it. a week after we got home, my husband’s brother had *a talk* with him about how upset their mother was about us [me] being rude and not straight away dressing the baby in her gift. it came up few more times over the past 15 months, and yesterday it came up again [right after husband saw his mother] with my husband saying he didn’t understand why i wouldn’t just put the t-shirt on the baby. i countered that he should be mad at his mother for not reacting like a normal person to our parenting rules and instead blowing this up into a huge deal and complaining to family members about it. what am i missing? aita for not wanting to risk my baby getting overheated or getting a rash just to please my mil?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
please do not use my post for any of your youtube/columns/etc. *no reposting or using outside of this sub. my pain is not for anyone’s content generation* this happened over a year ago, but my husband’s entire family (and him) still blame me for it and say i was the asshole. so when our baby was 4 months old we agreed to join my ils to celebrate a family member’s birthday in a small town. that meant we had to get up super early, take a long-distance train for 1.5 hours and then drive for another 7 or 8 hours to get there. (a very small town, nearest airport was several hours away and no direct flights there, even though we live 30 minutes away from one of the busiest airports in the world). i agreed to it because my husband wanted to go. when we arrived, my mil gave us a t-shirt as a gift for the baby. i thanked her, but told my husband i wouldn’t put it straight on the baby because all of baby’s clothes get washed in a gentle detergent before being worn. plus, i only get cotton clothes for the baby (the t-shirt she got was polyester patchwork) i didn’t invent this extra step, it is recommended by every “baby” book i read and makers of baby clothes - because babies’ skin is very sensitive and things can go wrong very quickly. (especially on a hot summer day) my mil asked us to dress the baby up in her t-shirt and we explained to her about pre-washing all the clothes. she must have continued pressuring my husband because he was pushing me and eventually we had a fight about it, but i still wouldn’t do it. a week after we got home, my husband’s brother had *a talk* with him about how upset their mother was about us [me] being rude and not straight away dressing the baby in her gift. it came up few more times over the past 15 months, and yesterday it came up again [right after husband saw his mother] with my husband saying he didn’t understand why i wouldn’t just put the t-shirt on the baby. i countered that he should be mad at his mother for not reacting like a normal person to our parenting rules and instead blowing this up into a huge deal and complaining to family members about it. what am i missing? aita for not wanting to risk my baby getting overheated or getting a rash just to please my mil? [/INST] nta- let’s normalize not having to do things you’re uncomfortable with just to please other people! good for you for standing your ground. </s>
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AITA for banning my younger sister from playing on my laptop?
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so i got a laptop for my birthday and i bought minecraft on it because i wanted to play with mods and stuff. so i was building this amazing house and it was almost done and i just had to add a few tweaks and it would be perfect. i was working on it for weeks. well i went to use the the bathroom and i came back and saw my sister blowing up the house with tnt. the whole house was gone. i was so mad because i worked so hard on that house. i asked my sister why she did that and she said because it was fun. i told her to leave and she was never allowed to play on my laptop or my other stuff ever again. she cried and told my parents and they demanded i let her play. i refused and locked it so my sister couldn’t get on the laptop. my parents are super mad at me and now i kinda feel bad.
so aita?
| 329 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ic52cl/aita_for_banning_my_younger_sister_from_playing/
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2020-08-18 17:08:18
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nta.
> so i got a laptop
this is the beginning
> ... so my sister blowing it up
this is sufficient as an end. your sister is an inconsiderate butt munch here and that's all that matters. she can blow up stuff on her own laptop.
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you mentioned she's 10 in a comment. she's definitely old enough to know that what she did was wrong. you're nta, she and your parents are.
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nta- ask yourself if they would have been as angry with you, not her, if she had gone in and deleted all of your homework and essays because she thought it was fun. since the answer should be no, they definitely would not be angry at you, the answer is no, you are not in the wrong. while homework is important, things that you enjoy and spend time on are also important. until your sister learns to control herself and not destroy other people's things, virtual or not, she shouldn't be around those things.
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nta. its your laptop, you do what you want with it.
rip minecraft house, you will forever be missed
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nta - it sounds like the laptop is yours and not a shared laptop. your sister will need to learn that she can't just use other people's stuff. if your parents insist on you sharing, set up a laptop log in for her and let her play on her own account.
who's to say you won't be in the middle of writing a paper or something and she comes along and overwrites or completely deletes something because "it's fun". just because your family doesn't mean you can't have boundaries.
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this reminds me of a time i was at a friend's house. we chatted while her two sons (about 5 & 3 at the time) played in the living room. the older one was playing with these big cardboard blocks, trying to build as tall a tower as he could out of them. he'd done a good job and the tower was taller than he was; pretty impressive that he had the patience to keep at it, actually.
he turned around to look for more blocks when his little brother looked up from what he was doing, noticed the tower, and decided it would be fun to kick the bottom out from under it and watch it all come crashing down. big brother was understandably devastated and immediately began wailing. little bro was unbothered by his brother's cries and laughed.
my friend went over there right away and had a very stern talk with little, explaining that it had been very selfish of him to knock down his brother's tower, especially because he'd worked so hard on it, and that he needed to respect his brother, just like he wanted his brother to respect him. he had to apologize to his brother and was then put in time-out until lunch (which was almost ready anyway).
my point is that if even my friend's 3yo can be made to understand that he was wrong to mess with something his brother had worked hard on, i see no reason why your 10yo sister can't. your parents are ta for not understanding that. if they want her to have a laptop to play on, they can let her play on one of theirs—i highly doubt they'd be so "forgiving" if she'd done something similar on their machines.
in the end, the point is not whether or not she messed up something serious: the point is that she deliberately destroyed something that wasn't hers and she did not consider at all how that would affect you. her actions were selfish and disrespectful, and that's the real issue, here, not your minecraft house (which sounds like it was pretty cool, btw).
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nta. it’s your laptop you decide who uses it
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i got a laptop for my birthday and i bought minecraft on it because i wanted to play with mods and stuff. so i was building this amazing house and it was almost done and i just had to add a few tweaks and it would be perfect. i was working on it for weeks. well i went to use the the bathroom and i came back and saw my sister blowing up the house with tnt. the whole house was gone. i was so mad because i worked so hard on that house. i asked my sister why she did that and she said because it was fun. i told her to leave and she was never allowed to play on my laptop or my other stuff ever again. she cried and told my parents and they demanded i let her play. i refused and locked it so my sister couldn’t get on the laptop. my parents are super mad at me and now i kinda feel bad. so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i got a laptop for my birthday and i bought minecraft on it because i wanted to play with mods and stuff. so i was building this amazing house and it was almost done and i just had to add a few tweaks and it would be perfect. i was working on it for weeks. well i went to use the the bathroom and i came back and saw my sister blowing up the house with tnt. the whole house was gone. i was so mad because i worked so hard on that house. i asked my sister why she did that and she said because it was fun. i told her to leave and she was never allowed to play on my laptop or my other stuff ever again. she cried and told my parents and they demanded i let her play. i refused and locked it so my sister couldn’t get on the laptop. my parents are super mad at me and now i kinda feel bad. so aita? [/INST] nta. > so i got a laptop this is the beginning > ... so my sister blowing it up this is sufficient as an end. your sister is an inconsiderate butt munch here and that's all that matters. she can blow up stuff on her own laptop. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to participate in DH family's death teeth ritual?
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my husband's family has an extremely bizarre set of rituals surrounding death and funerals. they're from wales, but i don't think this is a cultural thing and i haven't been able to find a basis for it or even anything remotely similar from a cultural/religious background. i think they might just be a bunch of weirdos.
so here goes. in my husband's family, before a corpse of a recently deceased family member is buried they will have all of the teeth of the deceased knocked out, and will give one tooth to each of their living relatives to keep with them in a fabric pouch which they're meant to keep with them. they even have a system for how they decide which family member gets which tooth based on their proximity to the deceased. any teeth that the deceased has collected themselves over their life is added into a ornate chest which is literally filled with thousands of human teeth (apparently this goes back many generations).
i found out about this tradition about a year after i got married to my husband at his grandmother's funeral when my mil gave me a pouch with one of her molars.
my husband got very upset when i told him i didn't want to participate in this ritual. at the time i was only talking about not wanting to carry around his family member's teeth, but evidently it's expected that after i die they'll knock out my teeth to be distributed to the family members. he asked me whether i would really deny my children the ability to have something to remind them of me after i pass away or to feel left out from their cousins.
i'm trying to be understanding and polite, and other than this his family is lovely, but to me this whole practice seems completely fking insane. i don't want my teeth knocked out and distributed to a bunch of random relatives, and there's no way in hell that my side of the family will understand or accept this. aita for not accepting this, based on how our last conversation went i think he's considering divorce.
&#x200b;
| 4,049 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jepjje/aita_for_not_wanting_to_participate_in_dh_familys/
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2020-10-20 13:32:27
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nta. wtf... i'm horrified after reading that! they're your teeth.... if you don't want them knocked out and distributed i think that's fair! ....a chest full of teeth. that's not leaving my mind for awhile.
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nta and this is a whole other level of fucked up weirdness to me. they have a chest... filled with thousands of teeth of their decreased. this is deal breaker level bizarre, at least for me.
you need to think bigger picture too. he brings up kids, so you guys clearly want them. what if, god forbid, something happens and your child dies? he's going to knock out their teeth. are you okay with that? because i sure as hell wouldn't be as a mother. (edit for typos.)
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nah
as creepy as this is, they're not ahs for having traditions that do no harm and you're not ta for being creeped out and not wanting to take part.
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info: how have you been with your husband this long and never noticed his pouch of teeth? since he seems this serious about you participating, i’m assuming he wears it?
first date:
me, “what’s in that pouch around your neck?”
him, “oh, it’s full of teeth from my ancestors ... hey, where are you going - come back i’ll explain - “
nope
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i live in wales, and i've never heard any of my welsh friends mention this ritual. nta at all!
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nah. anthropologically, this is fascinating. death is a taboo subject, and we have a horror surrounding it that is a relatively new thing in the past century or so. mortuary rituals are important to a vast amount of people, and honestly this isn't the "weirdest" or most "ghoulish" i've heard of. and honestly it's not really that much different from keeping ashes (in an urn, a locket, a glass keepsake) or being an organ and tissue donor.
that being said, get a death plan together now, and include your family in the discussion. figure this out now, and honestly work through what the both of you are feeling (would you feel different about a lock of hair? or ashes?) if you want to chat, i can link you some death resources or give you information on mortuary rituals.
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i mean... on the one hand, it's hella weird...on the other hand, it's so metal. you just know nobody fucks with that family. a chest full of human teeth would make the mafia back down.
i also love the sheer insanity of the argument your husband made. "you wouldn't want everyone to think our kids are *weird* for not having your teeth after you die, would you?" honestly, i kind of love it, in this "it's so bizarre, it's actually awesome"-way.
maybe you could try to look at it from a different angle? once you remove the wtf reaction anyone would have when they are first introduced to it, it's really not that different from any other death rituals. we just accept them, because we are used to them. whether it's ghoulish or normal depends on how long you've known about it.
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nta. i never thought i’d have to consider putting “don’t knock out my teeth when i’m dead” into my will. this is weird on so many levels.
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* horrifying, bizarre postmortem rituals involving teeth
* thousands of teeth from many generations in family's possession
* *welsh*
uh...op...you 100% married into a family of unseelie faeries. i'd tell you to get out, but i think it might legit be too late for that
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nta
i didn’t want to label your husband an asshole, but he’s being a bit silly.
otoh, it sounds like this is one of those mourning rituals that happened to survive the victorian era and it’s weird, but not that different from giving out locks of hair from the deceased. everyone has different rituals and some of them seem weird to us.
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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INFO
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.022097 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband's family has an extremely bizarre set of rituals surrounding death and funerals. they're from wales, but i don't think this is a cultural thing and i haven't been able to find a basis for it or even anything remotely similar from a cultural/religious background. i think they might just be a bunch of weirdos. so here goes. in my husband's family, before a corpse of a recently deceased family member is buried they will have all of the teeth of the deceased knocked out, and will give one tooth to each of their living relatives to keep with them in a fabric pouch which they're meant to keep with them. they even have a system for how they decide which family member gets which tooth based on their proximity to the deceased. any teeth that the deceased has collected themselves over their life is added into a ornate chest which is literally filled with thousands of human teeth (apparently this goes back many generations). i found out about this tradition about a year after i got married to my husband at his grandmother's funeral when my mil gave me a pouch with one of her molars. my husband got very upset when i told him i didn't want to participate in this ritual. at the time i was only talking about not wanting to carry around his family member's teeth, but evidently it's expected that after i die they'll knock out my teeth to be distributed to the family members. he asked me whether i would really deny my children the ability to have something to remind them of me after i pass away or to feel left out from their cousins. i'm trying to be understanding and polite, and other than this his family is lovely, but to me this whole practice seems completely fking insane. i don't want my teeth knocked out and distributed to a bunch of random relatives, and there's no way in hell that my side of the family will understand or accept this. aita for not accepting this, based on how our last conversation went i think he's considering divorce. &#x200b;
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband's family has an extremely bizarre set of rituals surrounding death and funerals. they're from wales, but i don't think this is a cultural thing and i haven't been able to find a basis for it or even anything remotely similar from a cultural/religious background. i think they might just be a bunch of weirdos. so here goes. in my husband's family, before a corpse of a recently deceased family member is buried they will have all of the teeth of the deceased knocked out, and will give one tooth to each of their living relatives to keep with them in a fabric pouch which they're meant to keep with them. they even have a system for how they decide which family member gets which tooth based on their proximity to the deceased. any teeth that the deceased has collected themselves over their life is added into a ornate chest which is literally filled with thousands of human teeth (apparently this goes back many generations). i found out about this tradition about a year after i got married to my husband at his grandmother's funeral when my mil gave me a pouch with one of her molars. my husband got very upset when i told him i didn't want to participate in this ritual. at the time i was only talking about not wanting to carry around his family member's teeth, but evidently it's expected that after i die they'll knock out my teeth to be distributed to the family members. he asked me whether i would really deny my children the ability to have something to remind them of me after i pass away or to feel left out from their cousins. i'm trying to be understanding and polite, and other than this his family is lovely, but to me this whole practice seems completely fking insane. i don't want my teeth knocked out and distributed to a bunch of random relatives, and there's no way in hell that my side of the family will understand or accept this. aita for not accepting this, based on how our last conversation went i think he's considering divorce. &#x200b; [/INST] nta. wtf... i'm horrified after reading that! they're your teeth.... if you don't want them knocked out and distributed i think that's fair! ....a chest full of teeth. that's not leaving my mind for awhile. </s>
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AITA? For making a street performer stop performing
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warning i'm on my phone sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes.
a bit of backstory (24f) i hate to be in front of crowds i stand at the back normally and watch performances from there as i don't like to be looked at and if attention gets brought to me i tend to have bad anxiety and small panic attacks so i tend to stay at the back or to the side.
_____
so about a year ago when i was living in perth western australia i had a few friends come and visit me from interstate for a week or so. on the saturday we decided to go to fremantle and have a look around.
we got there about 10am had looked then decided to go to the fremantle markets. we where about to walk in when we saw a street performer starting to set up on the corner of henderson street and south terrace, so we decided to stop and watch him.
he was doing this magic/comedy show. about 10 minutes into his performance i noticed he kept on looking at my group of friends. he asked for a volunteer then this little kid went up and helped after this he still kept looking at our group. about 5 more minutes went by when he asked for another volunteer and was now looking directly at us.
i guess for some reason he thought that i would join him in the act as he kept eye contact with me. i shook my head as to tell him i can't volunteer, he then decided to keep asking us questions and repeating the questions until we would answer him i kept shaking my head. (did answer one question but went back to shaking my head).
now at this point everybody who was watching this performer was now starting at us and was giving me daggers. i was starting to get really uncomfortable clammy hands a little sweaty, my chest was starting to get a little tight while my breathing was started to fasten. what felt like ten minutes later but was probably about 2 to 4 minutes. this guy was still trying to get one of us 3 girls to come up and help. both of my friends are shy so they also didn't want to go up.
in the end the little kid that volunteered the last time said he will do it but the performer said no this is an adult only one then proceeded to say if nobody is going to help him he will leave. he stood there for about 10 seconds muttering some curse words then proceeded to pack up and leave. while everyone thought this was a joke and started to laugh.
once i calmed down a little and was starting to breathe properly again. we went into the markets, when i hear some lady that was watching say "that girl should have just gone up so he could have finished his performance."
so aita?
| 573 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/it4roj/aita_for_making_a_street_performer_stop_performing/
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2020-09-15 08:27:51
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nta u don't have to "help" him. and plus i think his intentions weren't perform smt. i think you did the right thing.
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nta. you don’t have to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, in any social situation.
that performer sounds like a big baby, what comedian/magician doesn’t have a backup plan/string of after jokes if someone doesn’t wanna volunteer?
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nta. part of his job is learning to ‘read the room’. to focus on you beyond what is comfortable instead of moving on, then cracking a tantrum and leaving just shows him to be a shit performer.
that lady’s comment isn’t even worth noting. i wouldn’t give anymore mind space to this.
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nta wow what an asshole you clearly signaled hey i don't want to do this pick someone else and then he just blames you and leaves.
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nta - that was incredibly strange behaviour on his part and he doesn’t sound well suited to being a street performer. or any performer.
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nta
you didn't make him stop. no means no, he should have chosen someone else, someone willing. or maybe it's better that he didn't. that performer was creepy.
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speaking as a former street performer:
nta. reading the audience is like 90% of the job.
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nta
the performer sounds like a creeper, or someone who should be on r/niceguys
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nta, you can enjoy street performing without being obligated to help ”perform”.
it's their job to work with what they've got and what they did not have was you as you didn't want/have to help. he should have just found another volunteer.
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nta. anxiety is not a joke ans something you can ignore, sadly. sounds like this guy was likely some kind of creep/predator even.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: warning i'm on my phone sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes. a bit of backstory (24f) i hate to be in front of crowds i stand at the back normally and watch performances from there as i don't like to be looked at and if attention gets brought to me i tend to have bad anxiety and small panic attacks so i tend to stay at the back or to the side. _____ so about a year ago when i was living in perth western australia i had a few friends come and visit me from interstate for a week or so. on the saturday we decided to go to fremantle and have a look around. we got there about 10am had looked then decided to go to the fremantle markets. we where about to walk in when we saw a street performer starting to set up on the corner of henderson street and south terrace, so we decided to stop and watch him. he was doing this magic/comedy show. about 10 minutes into his performance i noticed he kept on looking at my group of friends. he asked for a volunteer then this little kid went up and helped after this he still kept looking at our group. about 5 more minutes went by when he asked for another volunteer and was now looking directly at us. i guess for some reason he thought that i would join him in the act as he kept eye contact with me. i shook my head as to tell him i can't volunteer, he then decided to keep asking us questions and repeating the questions until we would answer him i kept shaking my head. (did answer one question but went back to shaking my head). now at this point everybody who was watching this performer was now starting at us and was giving me daggers. i was starting to get really uncomfortable clammy hands a little sweaty, my chest was starting to get a little tight while my breathing was started to fasten. what felt like ten minutes later but was probably about 2 to 4 minutes. this guy was still trying to get one of us 3 girls to come up and help. both of my friends are shy so they also didn't want to go up. in the end the little kid that volunteered the last time said he will do it but the performer said no this is an adult only one then proceeded to say if nobody is going to help him he will leave. he stood there for about 10 seconds muttering some curse words then proceeded to pack up and leave. while everyone thought this was a joke and started to laugh. once i calmed down a little and was starting to breathe properly again. we went into the markets, when i hear some lady that was watching say "that girl should have just gone up so he could have finished his performance." so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
warning i'm on my phone sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes. a bit of backstory (24f) i hate to be in front of crowds i stand at the back normally and watch performances from there as i don't like to be looked at and if attention gets brought to me i tend to have bad anxiety and small panic attacks so i tend to stay at the back or to the side. _____ so about a year ago when i was living in perth western australia i had a few friends come and visit me from interstate for a week or so. on the saturday we decided to go to fremantle and have a look around. we got there about 10am had looked then decided to go to the fremantle markets. we where about to walk in when we saw a street performer starting to set up on the corner of henderson street and south terrace, so we decided to stop and watch him. he was doing this magic/comedy show. about 10 minutes into his performance i noticed he kept on looking at my group of friends. he asked for a volunteer then this little kid went up and helped after this he still kept looking at our group. about 5 more minutes went by when he asked for another volunteer and was now looking directly at us. i guess for some reason he thought that i would join him in the act as he kept eye contact with me. i shook my head as to tell him i can't volunteer, he then decided to keep asking us questions and repeating the questions until we would answer him i kept shaking my head. (did answer one question but went back to shaking my head). now at this point everybody who was watching this performer was now starting at us and was giving me daggers. i was starting to get really uncomfortable clammy hands a little sweaty, my chest was starting to get a little tight while my breathing was started to fasten. what felt like ten minutes later but was probably about 2 to 4 minutes. this guy was still trying to get one of us 3 girls to come up and help. both of my friends are shy so they also didn't want to go up. in the end the little kid that volunteered the last time said he will do it but the performer said no this is an adult only one then proceeded to say if nobody is going to help him he will leave. he stood there for about 10 seconds muttering some curse words then proceeded to pack up and leave. while everyone thought this was a joke and started to laugh. once i calmed down a little and was starting to breathe properly again. we went into the markets, when i hear some lady that was watching say "that girl should have just gone up so he could have finished his performance." so aita? [/INST] nta u don't have to "help" him. and plus i think his intentions weren't perform smt. i think you did the right thing. </s>
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AITA for following my [42M] wife [27F] around for an evening?
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the title sounds extreme but here are the details. my wife and i have been together for 5 years. i love her so much that it pains me to write this. the thing is, i was the sole earner for a while and i was happy to provide (i am a software developer at a local startup that has tripled in employees and gone exponential in revenue). we're not having kids, so my wife got bored of being home and doing nothing. so she got a job at a law firm as a paralegal.
enter this attorney, who i'll call brandon. my wife started to bring him up quite a bit. you know when your wife starts talking about something, drops it, and then brings it up again a few minutes or hours later like there was no gap? my wife does that with stories about him. i searched through her facebook friends list one day for "brandon" and saw that they had connected. okay... then my wife starts going to work happy hours and i'm seeing pictures of the guy on her timeline. in most of the pictures she is positioned next to him, holding a drink. okay...
i have gained considerable weight since joining the startup. there is free food provided to us nearly every day. my wife has maintained a really low weight and looks as beautiful as she did at 22. brandon is more like how i used to be weight wise. however, i believe i make more money than he does.
so here it goes... i take off work on friday, as my team is nearing the end of our project. i wait for my wife to leave the firm and i see her walking out with brandon. they get in my wife's car, purchased on my dime, and i follow them for a bit. they go to a local dive bar and it turns out all of her coworkers are there - i see them entering. i wait for hours and everyone eventually leaves. my wife leaves last with brandon and she takes him home. i don't see any physical contact as he exits the vehicle to go inside his apartment building.
at this point, i'm sick. i'm gutted. i wait at home for my wife and confront her about brandon. she went insane basically, threatening to end the marriage because i stalked her. she told me she is always the dd for happy hour because she doesn't drink much (which is true), but she didn't address my greater concerns. aita?
tl;dr followed my wife one evening because of her weird relationship with an attorney at the firm she joined
| 4,913 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bxpblv/aita_for_following_my_42m_wife_27f_around_for_an/
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2019-06-07 02:29:45
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yta. she's not allowed to hang out with coworkers? you observed nothing but normal friendly stuff and yet you confronted her? this marriage is doomed. sorry my dude.
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yta /. i guess it’s easy to be insecure when you’re an overweight old guy married to a young hottie. good luck pal.
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yta. so she made a friend at work, told you about him honestly, and then you decided to stalk her...where you saw her go to a work happy hour and then drop him off at his house perfectly innocently. you’re a lunatic and i hope she leaves you asap. and that’s not even beginning to get into all the sexist bullshit thrown in throughout your post.
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yta for not having an honest conversation with her like an adult instead of creepily following her. turns out she had done nothing wrong and you’re just jealous and insecure.
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>"brandon is more like how i used to be weight wise. however, i believe i make more money than he does."
&#x200b;
\^ insecure much, dude?
you are 100% the asshole here. you don't trust your wife but rather than bringing up your concerns with her and having a conservation like adults (you're 15 years older than her, a little maturity shouldn't be too much to ask) you spent hours following her? the fact that you thought this was your best option strongly, strongly suggests that this is a doomed relationship. yta.
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yta. this is way over the line and your wife must be devastated by obvious lack of trust you have in her. this was all so bad, especially this part:
“brandon is more like how i used to be weight wise. however, i think i make more money than him.”
yikes. it doesn’t seem like you have a very high opinion of your wife or your relationship if you’re thinking of things so shallow.
she has a new work friend (and yes, he’s only a friend), and that must be wonderful after all her years spent at home! be happy for her, apologize, get to couples therapy, and lay off of her.
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yta so much that asshole.
you don't trust your wife, because of your own insecurities. you'll end up blowing up your marriage in an epic self-fulfilling prophecy.
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yta. yuck.
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yta. even before you started following her, you were spying on her via facebook, so let’s not pretend it was just this one evening.
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yta. having insecurities and concerns does not make you ta, but stalking your own wife absolutely does. why would you not just talk to her with your words? she's allowed to have friends, you're allowed to have questions.
&#x200b;
but the stalking and confronting and being given an extremely reasonable explanation for the shared car ride and then having the nerve to say "she didn't address my greater concerns" as if you approached the issue in a mature, calm manner is bonkers and makes you ta.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: the title sounds extreme but here are the details. my wife and i have been together for 5 years. i love her so much that it pains me to write this. the thing is, i was the sole earner for a while and i was happy to provide (i am a software developer at a local startup that has tripled in employees and gone exponential in revenue). we're not having kids, so my wife got bored of being home and doing nothing. so she got a job at a law firm as a paralegal. enter this attorney, who i'll call brandon. my wife started to bring him up quite a bit. you know when your wife starts talking about something, drops it, and then brings it up again a few minutes or hours later like there was no gap? my wife does that with stories about him. i searched through her facebook friends list one day for "brandon" and saw that they had connected. okay... then my wife starts going to work happy hours and i'm seeing pictures of the guy on her timeline. in most of the pictures she is positioned next to him, holding a drink. okay... i have gained considerable weight since joining the startup. there is free food provided to us nearly every day. my wife has maintained a really low weight and looks as beautiful as she did at 22. brandon is more like how i used to be weight wise. however, i believe i make more money than he does. so here it goes... i take off work on friday, as my team is nearing the end of our project. i wait for my wife to leave the firm and i see her walking out with brandon. they get in my wife's car, purchased on my dime, and i follow them for a bit. they go to a local dive bar and it turns out all of her coworkers are there - i see them entering. i wait for hours and everyone eventually leaves. my wife leaves last with brandon and she takes him home. i don't see any physical contact as he exits the vehicle to go inside his apartment building. at this point, i'm sick. i'm gutted. i wait at home for my wife and confront her about brandon. she went insane basically, threatening to end the marriage because i stalked her. she told me she is always the dd for happy hour because she doesn't drink much (which is true), but she didn't address my greater concerns. aita? tl;dr followed my wife one evening because of her weird relationship with an attorney at the firm she joined
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
the title sounds extreme but here are the details. my wife and i have been together for 5 years. i love her so much that it pains me to write this. the thing is, i was the sole earner for a while and i was happy to provide (i am a software developer at a local startup that has tripled in employees and gone exponential in revenue). we're not having kids, so my wife got bored of being home and doing nothing. so she got a job at a law firm as a paralegal. enter this attorney, who i'll call brandon. my wife started to bring him up quite a bit. you know when your wife starts talking about something, drops it, and then brings it up again a few minutes or hours later like there was no gap? my wife does that with stories about him. i searched through her facebook friends list one day for "brandon" and saw that they had connected. okay... then my wife starts going to work happy hours and i'm seeing pictures of the guy on her timeline. in most of the pictures she is positioned next to him, holding a drink. okay... i have gained considerable weight since joining the startup. there is free food provided to us nearly every day. my wife has maintained a really low weight and looks as beautiful as she did at 22. brandon is more like how i used to be weight wise. however, i believe i make more money than he does. so here it goes... i take off work on friday, as my team is nearing the end of our project. i wait for my wife to leave the firm and i see her walking out with brandon. they get in my wife's car, purchased on my dime, and i follow them for a bit. they go to a local dive bar and it turns out all of her coworkers are there - i see them entering. i wait for hours and everyone eventually leaves. my wife leaves last with brandon and she takes him home. i don't see any physical contact as he exits the vehicle to go inside his apartment building. at this point, i'm sick. i'm gutted. i wait at home for my wife and confront her about brandon. she went insane basically, threatening to end the marriage because i stalked her. she told me she is always the dd for happy hour because she doesn't drink much (which is true), but she didn't address my greater concerns. aita? tl;dr followed my wife one evening because of her weird relationship with an attorney at the firm she joined [/INST] yta. she's not allowed to hang out with coworkers? you observed nothing but normal friendly stuff and yet you confronted her? this marriage is doomed. sorry my dude. </s>
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AITA for buying bracelets for the purpose of reusing the beads in my own jewelry?
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i've (24f) been a loyal customer to this small mineral/crystal/jewelery shop for years now. i guess it's kind of like a "new age" store. the shop is out in the middle of nowhere, about 40min drive from my house. because of that, i don't go very often. but when i do go i spend a good chunk of money, and occasionally bring a friend or two who also buys from the shop owned by "t".
anyway, i've recently taken up micro-macrame jewelry making. i've been to your standard craft stores (hobby lobby, michael's, etc.) and their semi-precious stone beads go for about $7-$10 each strand. i then went to t's shop and saw a massive planter pot overflowing with beaded bracelets (large variety of stones i'm looking for) for $6 ea. i grabbed 2 of them, along with some small tumbled stones for about $50. i made some cute necklaces using the beads of one of the bracelets and posted it on social media (i am friends with her on this social media site).
a few weeks go by and i go back to her shop on black friday with my dad to buy more of these bracelets and small tumbled stones to make christmas gifts. as i browse the pot of bracelets she tells me to not buy any more bracelets. i ask why, and it's because i am not using them for their designed purpose. i try and play stupid but she tells me she saw my post using the beads from the bracelets. i honestly didn't think she would remember who bought what in her store or care this much about $6 bracelets.
she then goes on to tell me that if i wish to make jewelry, to buy from the strands in the back (her husband runs the jewelry side of the shop). i told her i am not paying $15 for one strand, and plus there is a lack of variety. she tutted and i went on to say that i didn't know that you were the bead police, i give you money for your goods and i should be able to do as i please with my goods. she told me i needed to finish with my shopping immediately. i didn't buy any beads, just more tumbled stones.
this was honestly rediculous and i have no idea why she would come at me like this. when we got in the car my dad agreed with my side of the disagreement. aita?
| 666 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r5pel4/aita_for_buying_bracelets_for_the_purpose_of/
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2021-11-30 15:14:23
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nta, and that's weird af that she is telling you that you can't repurpose something you paid for. that's ridiculous! don't buy there any longer. if you are making your own stuff, you can get a reseller's license (if you are in the us, sorry, don't know about other countries) and get your beads wholesale. you can also check gem and jewelry shows, they are much cheaper than shops.
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a 6$ bracelet doesn't really qualify as art to me especially when they're being mass produced and lumped together in a pot display. nta and i'd like to see a pic of your project.
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nta. once you purchase something, you can do whatever you want with it. using it for its "designed purpose" isn't part of the agreement when you purchase the goods.
that being said, i do believe she has the right to deny you a purchase for any reason as long as it isn't based on discrimination of a protected class.
i'm surprised you can't find the beads you want for cheaper than the jewelry you bought though.
but if you really want her jewelry to remake stuff, send one of your friends or family members in to purchase it for you instead.
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nta; it’s none of her business what you do with the items you buy from her
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nta, and i don't want to be a creep but i know someone who owns a rock shop with her husband that would totally pull this behavior, so i creeped on your profile a bit and it's in your area. on the off chance it's the same shop i'm thinking of i wouldn't feel too bad, i grew up with her and i'm still friends with her sister. she seems normal at first but not too far under the surface she's kind of a mess and her marriage with her husband is really toxic and she takes it out on other people instead of admitting he's an abusive asshole behind closed doors.
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nta
for me, it's pretty standard to recycle and remake. including both stuff i made and i bought. usually it's not nice to reuse the beads from something extra artsy and crafty, but $6 bead bracelets that are likely just a short strand with clasps? come on.
she deserved the bead police there.
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nah. you can use a good you've purchased however you want, but similarly she can decline to sell good to you.
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nta. once you buy the bracelets, they're yours to do with as you like.
to the people saying that they understand why she wouldn't want "her" bracelets being broken up and reused in this way, there is little chance that the shop owner was making them herself, given the fact that there was "a large planter pot" full of presumably dozens or hundreds of bracelets, and that they were going for only $6. she almost certainly buys said bracelets in bulk, possibly by the pound, from china or india.
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im going to give a nah i think. you can do what you want with what you buy, but jewelery is art. not everyone is going to be happy seeing their art torn apart just because you bought it. it could also be discouraging that the only reason someone wants your art is to recycle the materials used. the owners do have the right to refuse sale too.
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info: does your social media posts make it look like you got the bracelet that you made from her store? she might feel like her brand is being infringed on if she didn’t like the style of bracelet and people think it came from her store? or if people liked your piece more and go to her store looking for it. but if there is no association an outsider could make between the bracelet you made and her store then it seems to me like she is just losing a customer.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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INFO
| 0.013266 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i've (24f) been a loyal customer to this small mineral/crystal/jewelery shop for years now. i guess it's kind of like a "new age" store. the shop is out in the middle of nowhere, about 40min drive from my house. because of that, i don't go very often. but when i do go i spend a good chunk of money, and occasionally bring a friend or two who also buys from the shop owned by "t". anyway, i've recently taken up micro-macrame jewelry making. i've been to your standard craft stores (hobby lobby, michael's, etc.) and their semi-precious stone beads go for about $7-$10 each strand. i then went to t's shop and saw a massive planter pot overflowing with beaded bracelets (large variety of stones i'm looking for) for $6 ea. i grabbed 2 of them, along with some small tumbled stones for about $50. i made some cute necklaces using the beads of one of the bracelets and posted it on social media (i am friends with her on this social media site). a few weeks go by and i go back to her shop on black friday with my dad to buy more of these bracelets and small tumbled stones to make christmas gifts. as i browse the pot of bracelets she tells me to not buy any more bracelets. i ask why, and it's because i am not using them for their designed purpose. i try and play stupid but she tells me she saw my post using the beads from the bracelets. i honestly didn't think she would remember who bought what in her store or care this much about $6 bracelets. she then goes on to tell me that if i wish to make jewelry, to buy from the strands in the back (her husband runs the jewelry side of the shop). i told her i am not paying $15 for one strand, and plus there is a lack of variety. she tutted and i went on to say that i didn't know that you were the bead police, i give you money for your goods and i should be able to do as i please with my goods. she told me i needed to finish with my shopping immediately. i didn't buy any beads, just more tumbled stones. this was honestly rediculous and i have no idea why she would come at me like this. when we got in the car my dad agreed with my side of the disagreement. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i've (24f) been a loyal customer to this small mineral/crystal/jewelery shop for years now. i guess it's kind of like a "new age" store. the shop is out in the middle of nowhere, about 40min drive from my house. because of that, i don't go very often. but when i do go i spend a good chunk of money, and occasionally bring a friend or two who also buys from the shop owned by "t". anyway, i've recently taken up micro-macrame jewelry making. i've been to your standard craft stores (hobby lobby, michael's, etc.) and their semi-precious stone beads go for about $7-$10 each strand. i then went to t's shop and saw a massive planter pot overflowing with beaded bracelets (large variety of stones i'm looking for) for $6 ea. i grabbed 2 of them, along with some small tumbled stones for about $50. i made some cute necklaces using the beads of one of the bracelets and posted it on social media (i am friends with her on this social media site). a few weeks go by and i go back to her shop on black friday with my dad to buy more of these bracelets and small tumbled stones to make christmas gifts. as i browse the pot of bracelets she tells me to not buy any more bracelets. i ask why, and it's because i am not using them for their designed purpose. i try and play stupid but she tells me she saw my post using the beads from the bracelets. i honestly didn't think she would remember who bought what in her store or care this much about $6 bracelets. she then goes on to tell me that if i wish to make jewelry, to buy from the strands in the back (her husband runs the jewelry side of the shop). i told her i am not paying $15 for one strand, and plus there is a lack of variety. she tutted and i went on to say that i didn't know that you were the bead police, i give you money for your goods and i should be able to do as i please with my goods. she told me i needed to finish with my shopping immediately. i didn't buy any beads, just more tumbled stones. this was honestly rediculous and i have no idea why she would come at me like this. when we got in the car my dad agreed with my side of the disagreement. aita? [/INST] nta, and that's weird af that she is telling you that you can't repurpose something you paid for. that's ridiculous! don't buy there any longer. if you are making your own stuff, you can get a reseller's license (if you are in the us, sorry, don't know about other countries) and get your beads wholesale. you can also check gem and jewelry shows, they are much cheaper than shops. </s>
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WIBTA if I got a tattoo my boyfriend doesn't want me to get?
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i'm 30f. so i know myself and what i want in life. i'm not asking for opinions here about tattoos. i want to get a portrait of the singer in my favorite band on my back. it means a lot to me, as i've been a fan since i was a teenager and the singer tragically died a few years ago. my boyfriend of three years absolutely hates the idea. his reasons are that 1. it's another man on my body and will be weird when we are intimate in that position. and 2. it's not very feminine to have a huge back tattoo. he's made me feel really bad about this, eventhough i was very excited about the idea before i spoke with him. i'm unsure what to do because i don't want him to think less of me and find me less attractive. but it's something i really want. wibta if i went against his wishes on this?
| 294 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tgs17q/wibta_if_i_got_a_tattoo_my_boyfriend_doesnt_want/
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2022-03-18 03:23:33
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nta.
the tattoo sounds fucking hideous, by the way.
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nta, but don't be surprised if he breaks up with you after you get your tattoo. he can't control what you do with your body, but you can't force him to be happy with your choices.
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just my opinion, i think your tattoo idea is a little weird.
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nta. this is completely your choice. if your boyfriend doesn't like it, he can decide how to deal with that, but it's not his decision whether you get the tattoo or not.
on the other hand, you need to accept that if you get a huge tattoo and your boyfriend thinks it's tacky and/or doesn't find it attractive, that's an entirely reasonable way for him to feel. you can choose how you present yourself, but other people don't owe it to you to think your choices are appealing.
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nah. you can get whatever tattoo you want. but he’s also allowed to decide that this change is a dealbreaker. a giant tattoo like that can be a relationship breaker and i wouldn’t be surprised if it caused the end of a relationship.
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nta but i am begging you to not get chester bennington’s or chris cornell’s face, etc tattooed on your body. i know you said you weren’t looking for that advice but do you not think someone who suffered like they did would despise that? find another tribute. why a portrait?
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um. hm. i guess nah? cause you can put whatever you want on your body. but no way in hell am i dating a 30 year old woman who gets a giant detailed tattoo of the lead singer of linkin park on her back. i honestly don’t know how anyone would.
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nta.
your body your choice.
also i've a feeling your talking about chester right? from likin park?
i love the idea don't get me wrong but that's a very detailed tattoo and the back is one of the most painful places and it's gonna be expensive. depending on the size and all.
i suggest maybe something related to his life or music or lyrics etc. or even an image he used etc.
also back pieces can be beautiful as hell regardless of gender.
if you do this find a really good artist who specializes in portrait tattoos not everyone does. you want someone who can do really good detail work with faces etc.
and be prepared for your bf to leave. he is being a bit unreasonable about the whole another man thing but it's how he feels. just really be ready for that.
though i think regardless what you get on your back he wont be happy
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you can have any ridiculous tattoo you want. you’re a grown woman. but realize that your boyfriend may decide you’re now the ex-girlfriend.
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chester bennington doesn't love you and there's a good chance your boyfriend won't either after the tattoo.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| null | null | 0.00461 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm 30f. so i know myself and what i want in life. i'm not asking for opinions here about tattoos. i want to get a portrait of the singer in my favorite band on my back. it means a lot to me, as i've been a fan since i was a teenager and the singer tragically died a few years ago. my boyfriend of three years absolutely hates the idea. his reasons are that 1. it's another man on my body and will be weird when we are intimate in that position. and 2. it's not very feminine to have a huge back tattoo. he's made me feel really bad about this, eventhough i was very excited about the idea before i spoke with him. i'm unsure what to do because i don't want him to think less of me and find me less attractive. but it's something i really want. wibta if i went against his wishes on this?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm 30f. so i know myself and what i want in life. i'm not asking for opinions here about tattoos. i want to get a portrait of the singer in my favorite band on my back. it means a lot to me, as i've been a fan since i was a teenager and the singer tragically died a few years ago. my boyfriend of three years absolutely hates the idea. his reasons are that 1. it's another man on my body and will be weird when we are intimate in that position. and 2. it's not very feminine to have a huge back tattoo. he's made me feel really bad about this, eventhough i was very excited about the idea before i spoke with him. i'm unsure what to do because i don't want him to think less of me and find me less attractive. but it's something i really want. wibta if i went against his wishes on this? [/INST] nta. the tattoo sounds fucking hideous, by the way. </s>
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AITA for not paying the vet bill for my friends dog after it ate rat bait at my house?
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we recently had some friends come visit and they brought their kelpie along with them without letting us know first. we are pet free and child free ourselves so our yard isn’t particularly pet or child safe. we have a shed with a door that doesn’t close properly so it’s not secure at all. when our friends arrived they just opened our side gate and let the dog in the backyard without asking. they came inside, had a coffee, and after about 30 minutes they mentioned the dog in the backyard. we didn’t think too much of it at the time. when it was time to leave, they went out to get the dog who was in the shed with a pack of rat bait on the ground... the dog seemed fine at the time and we weren’t sure how much he ate (if any at all) so our friends left and that was that. i thought they’d call somebody when they got home at least. well a few days later we get a call from them saying their dog almost died from eating the rat bait. they found him foaming at the mouth and rushed him to the vet and supposedly theres permanent damage done. our friend tried to casually bring up the cost of the vet bill and said we should pay half because it happened at our house. sure, it was our yard, but we weren’t expecting a dog in the yard! it’s a pretty hefty bill and yes i feel bad, but i don’t think it’s our responsibility to pay. our friend was very annoyed by this and hung up the phone on me, then i later received a pretty abusive text from his girlfriend saying i don’t care about their dog and i’m a heartless asshole. aita?
| 1,055 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dzbv5d/aita_for_not_paying_the_vet_bill_for_my_friends/
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2019-11-21 01:35:53
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nta, mainly because you guys had no clue the dog was there. they are however for not immediately rushing their dog to the vet.
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nta. i love animals and i have quite a few pets myself. it was completely irresponsible of them to bring their dog to your home with no warning. since they had been there 30 minutes before they even let you know the dog was there you had no time to make sure the yard was safe for a pet. it is the responsibility of the owner to make sure they are bringing their animal to a safe environment, not yours.
i feel bad for the dog and i hope he recovers but the owners should take this as a lesson and make sure they are more aware of what can happen when they take their pet somewhere.
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nta. i have a dog myself and would never bring him to a persons home without asking first. you’re not pet owners. you’re under no obligation to keep your house and yard safe for a dog. your friends are assholes for just bringing their dog over and then for trying to shove a vet bill down your throat.
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nta. they brought a dog to your house unannounced and let it run free. you aren't a pet owner and you are under no obligation to keep your home pet safe. it was their own neglect and failure to supervise their dog that led to it almost dying. their dog, their responsibility, their bill. end of.
tell the gf she's a negligent bitch and to take responsibility for her own damn mutt.
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nta. who tf just lets a dog in your backyard without asking? that's just bad pet-parenting, not to mention being a bad guest. what if you had a vegetable garden and this little mutt started digging everything up? did your friends comb the yard thoroughly and bag every bit of poop the dog left behind?? something tells me they didn't... send them your landscaping bill in response.
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info: why did they feel comfortable letting the dog into the yard and not warning you about it? have they brought the dog over before?
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nta, their dog their responsibility. i would not bring my dog to someone else’s house unless i asked first. even then, it’s on me to watch my dog. they came to your house, brought their dog without asking and didn’t watch him. that’s pretty irresponsible.
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nta - i hate your friend. whenever i go anywhere with my dog i follow her around and make sure i am 100% certain she is in a safe environment before i will leave her unsupervised, but even still this wont be for long periods of time.
your friend bought their poor dog around and didn't ensure its safety. the dog ate rat bait like they always do when it's laying around, which is especially common in sheds too.
instead of your friend taking their dog straight to the vet, they didnt want to spend any money so waited for it to almost die, like it obviously will. if your friend cared enough about their dog to type 3 words into google they would have learned this. then after waiting for max possible time for the dog to succumb to the extend of the poison and therefore making the vet more expensive through their neglect, they have the nerve to expect you to pay them money for the bill.
instead of sitting there for a second and trying to think about how they could prevent something this horrible from happening again, they decide to lay blame on everyone but themselves and try to get some cash out of it.
why are you friends with such horribly abusive people?
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nta
their dog. their responsibility, especially when they let the dog back there without letting you know.
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nta - brought their kelpie along with them without letting us know first.
i didn't have to read further than here.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we recently had some friends come visit and they brought their kelpie along with them without letting us know first. we are pet free and child free ourselves so our yard isn’t particularly pet or child safe. we have a shed with a door that doesn’t close properly so it’s not secure at all. when our friends arrived they just opened our side gate and let the dog in the backyard without asking. they came inside, had a coffee, and after about 30 minutes they mentioned the dog in the backyard. we didn’t think too much of it at the time. when it was time to leave, they went out to get the dog who was in the shed with a pack of rat bait on the ground... the dog seemed fine at the time and we weren’t sure how much he ate (if any at all) so our friends left and that was that. i thought they’d call somebody when they got home at least. well a few days later we get a call from them saying their dog almost died from eating the rat bait. they found him foaming at the mouth and rushed him to the vet and supposedly theres permanent damage done. our friend tried to casually bring up the cost of the vet bill and said we should pay half because it happened at our house. sure, it was our yard, but we weren’t expecting a dog in the yard! it’s a pretty hefty bill and yes i feel bad, but i don’t think it’s our responsibility to pay. our friend was very annoyed by this and hung up the phone on me, then i later received a pretty abusive text from his girlfriend saying i don’t care about their dog and i’m a heartless asshole. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we recently had some friends come visit and they brought their kelpie along with them without letting us know first. we are pet free and child free ourselves so our yard isn’t particularly pet or child safe. we have a shed with a door that doesn’t close properly so it’s not secure at all. when our friends arrived they just opened our side gate and let the dog in the backyard without asking. they came inside, had a coffee, and after about 30 minutes they mentioned the dog in the backyard. we didn’t think too much of it at the time. when it was time to leave, they went out to get the dog who was in the shed with a pack of rat bait on the ground... the dog seemed fine at the time and we weren’t sure how much he ate (if any at all) so our friends left and that was that. i thought they’d call somebody when they got home at least. well a few days later we get a call from them saying their dog almost died from eating the rat bait. they found him foaming at the mouth and rushed him to the vet and supposedly theres permanent damage done. our friend tried to casually bring up the cost of the vet bill and said we should pay half because it happened at our house. sure, it was our yard, but we weren’t expecting a dog in the yard! it’s a pretty hefty bill and yes i feel bad, but i don’t think it’s our responsibility to pay. our friend was very annoyed by this and hung up the phone on me, then i later received a pretty abusive text from his girlfriend saying i don’t care about their dog and i’m a heartless asshole. aita? [/INST] nta, mainly because you guys had no clue the dog was there. they are however for not immediately rushing their dog to the vet. </s>
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AITA for telling my stepsister that I don't want her to come to my house anymore?
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edit (1): omg this blew up, but i just want to say that i edited my husband's age because i didn't like the comments i received. but since y'all can't stop talking about it, yes, he's 48 so he's 24 years older than me and i don't care because his age has nothing to do with my post, i just said his age because many people do it when they mention someone and as i mentioned him i thought i should say his age, that's all.
a few months ago my 24f husband gave me a beautiful necklace when our son was born, the necklace was made especially for me and is really special to me.
the point is that since my son was born my mother 44f comes to visit me more often and my stepsister 15f comes with her, and i like when she comes because she's really good with kids and my son loves her, but i don't like her curiosity, she's a really curious girl and she touches absolutely everything as if she were 3 years old.
sometimes she likes to check my closet and if there is something she likes that i don't use, i give it to her since we are both very thin and most of my clothes fit her. but she knows that she can only touch my closet and nothing else, i never gave her permission to touch anything else from my room.
some days i take off the necklace my husband gave me because our son is growing up and he likes to pull it and i don't want him to break it, so sometimes i forget that i took it off and leave it in the jewelry box for days.
yesterday i wanted to use it but the necklace wasn't in my jewelry box, and i know that if the necklace disappeared it was because my mother or my stepsister took it. so i called my mom and asked her if any of them hadn't taken my necklace by "mistake" and she said no, and sounded really convincing tbh but i can't say the same for my stepsister because when i asked her if she took it she started accusing the cleaning lady, but we trust her and i know she would never do something like that, she has worked for my husband for more than 15 years and she's like family, she would never steal anything.
so i told her that if she took it that she shouldn't lie, that i could buy her a similar one but that that one was really special to me and that i wanted her to give it back to me. and she gave it back to me, and told me that she took it because she wanted to wear it to go to school and show it to her friends because it's a really beautiful necklace but that on monday she was going to give it back to me.
i told her that what she did was wrong and that i don't want her to come to my house anymore until she learns not to take my things without permission. and my mom told me that i was overreacting, that she was going to give it back anyway, that she wasn't going to keep it forever.
but i don't feel that what i told her was wrong, she took something without permission and i don't trust her anymore, am i the asshole for banning her from coming to my house?
| 5,945 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ma8ala/aita_for_telling_my_stepsister_that_i_dont_want/
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2021-03-21 22:48:50
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nta. i think the most upsetting part of this story is that the sister tried to pin her crime on the innocent cleaning lady. let’s let that marinate a second. if op had believed her, the poor woman would have lost her job and possibly had a visit with the police (and who knows where that would have ended up). implicating innocent people is an inexcusable offense. disgusting
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nta.
> and my mom told me that i was overreacting, that she was going to give it back anyway, that she wasn't going to keep it forever.
aaaaaaand this is how you raise a criminal, way to go, mom.
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[removed]
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nta. the part that would really upset me is that she tried to blame it on an innocent person and could have cost them their job.
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nta. she stole from you. but i’m a little weirded out you married a man older than your own mother. i hope you’re safe.
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[removed]
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i know i'm gonna get downvoted for this, but you all who keep getting stuck on the age difference need to fvck off. op isn't being abused just because her husband is older than her. she's happy and they're not hurting anyone. and it's not like she's 17 or 18. leave it alone and focus on the question she's actually asking instead of bothering her about their ages. geez.
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nta. she stole from you. she says she was going to bring it back now that she was caught. what if she hadn’t been caught?
if she just wanted to borrow it, she would’ve asked permission. especially considering you let her borrow/have stuff all the time.
probably if you let her come back over, she should also lose closet privileges.
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nta. your sister stole from you, lied to you, and tried to blame someone else. barring her from your house until she improves is a reasonable response. fifteen is old enough to learn about consequences along with everything else.
i don't know why your mother is trying to downplay this, but in doing so she is being an asshole to both of you. if she's not going to teach your sister better, eventually someone else will, and if your sister's unlucky the lesson will come with criminal charges. there's no guarantee the lesson you're teaching will stick or that your mother won't twist it around, but you're doing the right thing.
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nta. there is a word for “borrowing” without permission. it is called stealing. she stole your necklace, and you only have her word that she was planning to give it back if you hadn’t called her out for it. she has obviously gotten used to being entitled to any of your things that she decides she wants, going through your closet like she is shopping in a store. she’s a little thief and i wouldn’t trust her to be in my house either. tell your mom that she is failing to raise your stepsister properly if she doesn’t teach her that stealing is wrong, and you have to work to re-earn people‘s trust if you betray it that way.
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: edit (1): omg this blew up, but i just want to say that i edited my husband's age because i didn't like the comments i received. but since y'all can't stop talking about it, yes, he's 48 so he's 24 years older than me and i don't care because his age has nothing to do with my post, i just said his age because many people do it when they mention someone and as i mentioned him i thought i should say his age, that's all. a few months ago my 24f husband gave me a beautiful necklace when our son was born, the necklace was made especially for me and is really special to me. the point is that since my son was born my mother 44f comes to visit me more often and my stepsister 15f comes with her, and i like when she comes because she's really good with kids and my son loves her, but i don't like her curiosity, she's a really curious girl and she touches absolutely everything as if she were 3 years old. sometimes she likes to check my closet and if there is something she likes that i don't use, i give it to her since we are both very thin and most of my clothes fit her. but she knows that she can only touch my closet and nothing else, i never gave her permission to touch anything else from my room. some days i take off the necklace my husband gave me because our son is growing up and he likes to pull it and i don't want him to break it, so sometimes i forget that i took it off and leave it in the jewelry box for days. yesterday i wanted to use it but the necklace wasn't in my jewelry box, and i know that if the necklace disappeared it was because my mother or my stepsister took it. so i called my mom and asked her if any of them hadn't taken my necklace by "mistake" and she said no, and sounded really convincing tbh but i can't say the same for my stepsister because when i asked her if she took it she started accusing the cleaning lady, but we trust her and i know she would never do something like that, she has worked for my husband for more than 15 years and she's like family, she would never steal anything. so i told her that if she took it that she shouldn't lie, that i could buy her a similar one but that that one was really special to me and that i wanted her to give it back to me. and she gave it back to me, and told me that she took it because she wanted to wear it to go to school and show it to her friends because it's a really beautiful necklace but that on monday she was going to give it back to me. i told her that what she did was wrong and that i don't want her to come to my house anymore until she learns not to take my things without permission. and my mom told me that i was overreacting, that she was going to give it back anyway, that she wasn't going to keep it forever. but i don't feel that what i told her was wrong, she took something without permission and i don't trust her anymore, am i the asshole for banning her from coming to my house?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
edit (1): omg this blew up, but i just want to say that i edited my husband's age because i didn't like the comments i received. but since y'all can't stop talking about it, yes, he's 48 so he's 24 years older than me and i don't care because his age has nothing to do with my post, i just said his age because many people do it when they mention someone and as i mentioned him i thought i should say his age, that's all. a few months ago my 24f husband gave me a beautiful necklace when our son was born, the necklace was made especially for me and is really special to me. the point is that since my son was born my mother 44f comes to visit me more often and my stepsister 15f comes with her, and i like when she comes because she's really good with kids and my son loves her, but i don't like her curiosity, she's a really curious girl and she touches absolutely everything as if she were 3 years old. sometimes she likes to check my closet and if there is something she likes that i don't use, i give it to her since we are both very thin and most of my clothes fit her. but she knows that she can only touch my closet and nothing else, i never gave her permission to touch anything else from my room. some days i take off the necklace my husband gave me because our son is growing up and he likes to pull it and i don't want him to break it, so sometimes i forget that i took it off and leave it in the jewelry box for days. yesterday i wanted to use it but the necklace wasn't in my jewelry box, and i know that if the necklace disappeared it was because my mother or my stepsister took it. so i called my mom and asked her if any of them hadn't taken my necklace by "mistake" and she said no, and sounded really convincing tbh but i can't say the same for my stepsister because when i asked her if she took it she started accusing the cleaning lady, but we trust her and i know she would never do something like that, she has worked for my husband for more than 15 years and she's like family, she would never steal anything. so i told her that if she took it that she shouldn't lie, that i could buy her a similar one but that that one was really special to me and that i wanted her to give it back to me. and she gave it back to me, and told me that she took it because she wanted to wear it to go to school and show it to her friends because it's a really beautiful necklace but that on monday she was going to give it back to me. i told her that what she did was wrong and that i don't want her to come to my house anymore until she learns not to take my things without permission. and my mom told me that i was overreacting, that she was going to give it back anyway, that she wasn't going to keep it forever. but i don't feel that what i told her was wrong, she took something without permission and i don't trust her anymore, am i the asshole for banning her from coming to my house? [/INST] nta. i think the most upsetting part of this story is that the sister tried to pin her crime on the innocent cleaning lady. let’s let that marinate a second. if op had believed her, the poor woman would have lost her job and possibly had a visit with the police (and who knows where that would have ended up). implicating innocent people is an inexcusable offense. disgusting </s>
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AITA for walking out on date night after my BF got me a bikini instead of a purse?
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throwaway...me (25f) and my bf "seth" (28m) have been together for 2 years. yesterday we went out for date night, and we decided to go hang out at the mall before going to dinner. while we were there, i came across an adorable purse that i loved. before i could say anything, seth looked at the price tag and said, "woah! $40.00? that's way too expensive, so don't get any ideas, haha."
i was kinda bummed, but i chuckled and told him i agree, it is too expensive. shortly after this, i had to rush into the bathroom, and i was in there for about 20 minutes. after i came back, seth said that he had a surprise to show me at dinner. i was excited, because i figured he must've bought me something, maybe even the purse.
after we arrived at the restaurant, seth grabbed his backpack and told me to close my eyes. after i opened my eyes, seth was holding up a hot pink bikini from the mall. at first i was confused, then i asked him how much it cost, and he told me $45.00! i then asked him how could he buy something that costs more then the purse i saw? he said, "i know, but i saw this bikini and i just couldn't say no. it's just so you, babe!"
i don't know what came over me, but i felt so hurt and insulted in that moment. when it's something i want, it's too expensive, but when it's something he wants, price isn't a problem. i don't even wear bikinis, i've never once worn a bikini, so that made the gift even more weird. i put the bikini back in his backpack, got up, and drove home. he's furious with me, called me a spoiled brat, and said that i was being petty. aita?
| 18,730 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ow5cd5/aita_for_walking_out_on_date_night_after_my_bf/
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2021-08-02 02:06:52
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nta
that bikini wasn’t a gift for you at all, it was entirely for himself that he expected you to go along with because he called it a *gift*.
he is mad because you didn’t give him credit for his thoughtless “gift” that after 2 years together, he should have known wasn’t something you’d like.
he’s calling you a petty spoiled brat for not appreciating his selfish attempt to make you a model for his gift to himself.
**buy yourself the purse and tell him ***he*** can wear the bikini.**
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it's the thought that counts. and in this case it seems he was thinking of himself. so nta.
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nta. what's the difference between the purse and bikini (besides $5)? one makes his dick go up. the other doesn't. he bought the gift for him, not you. he needs to get his $&#) together.
&#x200b;
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nta
not only is it something he wants, it's objectifying.
you are not a spoiled brat. you have standards. you deserve someone who will treat you better.
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nta
this wasn't a gift for you.
this was something he bought basically for himself, he wants you to wear it for his viewing pleasure
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nta. he's ta for name calling after being a crappy gift giver. **go to the mall and buy yourself that purse!**
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nta it's not even about the price, he bought you something you'd never wear. the fact he knows that is even more messed up. he likely wanted you to wear it for him which makes it a gift for him, not you. i'm sorry dude.
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nta - his “gift” wasn’t for you, it was for him. he wanted to see you in a sexy bikini.
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nta, take off the glasses rose glasses and look at the flags. it will save you heart ache.
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oh, look. another post, another boyfriend that needs to be shown the door.
reddit makes me grateful af that i'm asexual.
the bikini wasn't for you. it was for his dick. buy yourself the nice ass purse, dump the douche.
nta
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NTA
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| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway...me (25f) and my bf "seth" (28m) have been together for 2 years. yesterday we went out for date night, and we decided to go hang out at the mall before going to dinner. while we were there, i came across an adorable purse that i loved. before i could say anything, seth looked at the price tag and said, "woah! $40.00? that's way too expensive, so don't get any ideas, haha." i was kinda bummed, but i chuckled and told him i agree, it is too expensive. shortly after this, i had to rush into the bathroom, and i was in there for about 20 minutes. after i came back, seth said that he had a surprise to show me at dinner. i was excited, because i figured he must've bought me something, maybe even the purse. after we arrived at the restaurant, seth grabbed his backpack and told me to close my eyes. after i opened my eyes, seth was holding up a hot pink bikini from the mall. at first i was confused, then i asked him how much it cost, and he told me $45.00! i then asked him how could he buy something that costs more then the purse i saw? he said, "i know, but i saw this bikini and i just couldn't say no. it's just so you, babe!" i don't know what came over me, but i felt so hurt and insulted in that moment. when it's something i want, it's too expensive, but when it's something he wants, price isn't a problem. i don't even wear bikinis, i've never once worn a bikini, so that made the gift even more weird. i put the bikini back in his backpack, got up, and drove home. he's furious with me, called me a spoiled brat, and said that i was being petty. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway...me (25f) and my bf "seth" (28m) have been together for 2 years. yesterday we went out for date night, and we decided to go hang out at the mall before going to dinner. while we were there, i came across an adorable purse that i loved. before i could say anything, seth looked at the price tag and said, "woah! $40.00? that's way too expensive, so don't get any ideas, haha." i was kinda bummed, but i chuckled and told him i agree, it is too expensive. shortly after this, i had to rush into the bathroom, and i was in there for about 20 minutes. after i came back, seth said that he had a surprise to show me at dinner. i was excited, because i figured he must've bought me something, maybe even the purse. after we arrived at the restaurant, seth grabbed his backpack and told me to close my eyes. after i opened my eyes, seth was holding up a hot pink bikini from the mall. at first i was confused, then i asked him how much it cost, and he told me $45.00! i then asked him how could he buy something that costs more then the purse i saw? he said, "i know, but i saw this bikini and i just couldn't say no. it's just so you, babe!" i don't know what came over me, but i felt so hurt and insulted in that moment. when it's something i want, it's too expensive, but when it's something he wants, price isn't a problem. i don't even wear bikinis, i've never once worn a bikini, so that made the gift even more weird. i put the bikini back in his backpack, got up, and drove home. he's furious with me, called me a spoiled brat, and said that i was being petty. aita? [/INST] nta that bikini wasn’t a gift for you at all, it was entirely for himself that he expected you to go along with because he called it a *gift*. he is mad because you didn’t give him credit for his thoughtless “gift” that after 2 years together, he should have known wasn’t something you’d like. he’s calling you a petty spoiled brat for not appreciating his selfish attempt to make you a model for his gift to himself. **buy yourself the purse and tell him ***he*** can wear the bikini.** </s>
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AITA for breaking my promise to my husband and letting others meet our newborn before him?
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i f25 moved away from my town and to my husband's m32 hometown after we got married. the main reason is because he suffers from a medical chronic condition and needs to be near his family.
i was pregnant with our first baby and was nearing my due date when my husband had to travel out of town for work for 2 weeks. because of this he couldn't be with me in the delivery room which wasn't expected. i wanted to ask mom to come be with me but he assured me that his family are there to help and i shouldn't be worried. he then made me promise that i don't let anyone see our son for the first time in person before him besides his stepmom who was supposed to be there for me and i agreed.
his stepmom was with me when i went into labor but she stayed away since she is the type that doesn't get too involved and keeps her distance. she's also the "i don't do diapers" type meaning she doesn't offer help with the baby and i shouldn't be expecting it. she dropped me and my son off at home and asked that i only call if there's an emergency. i felt helpless i asked my neighbor for few favors but needed real help with the baby so i called my mom (she new i'd just given birth) and asked if she could come help me and she drove 4 hours to come stay with me. she helped out tremendously and i'm so so grateful for that.
my husband stayed away for few more days then came home. once he saw my mom he got so upset repeatedly saying i broke the promise that i made him by not letting others meet our son before him and i explained that i needed help and he brought up his stepmom but i replied that she dropped me off and left that's it. besides, he and mom are on good terms i didn't get why he was mad she met her grandbaby which was inevitable. he said it wasn't about mom since it could've been anybody else but it was about me disrespecting his wishes and breaking the promise i made. he reminded me that he's also the parent and he gets a say too. at this point i said he was overreacting but he replied that i forever tainted the memory of his son's birth and broke his trust and proved to him that my word "is worth shit" now. mom tried to give us space but i said she did nothing wrong she came to help after his stepmom left so i can't be blamed for asking for help. he told me to stop giving him excuses and admit i wronged him with what i did and then started avoiding me and just kept focusing his attention on our son. he keeps acting cold towards me calling me a selfish promise breaker and expecting me to make it up to him.
he wanted an apology but i haven't given him that yet.
aita?
eta we did talk to each other on the phone several times and he already knew that his stepmom refused to stay with me and told me to just call if something happens but i didn't tell him about calling me mom knowing how he'd react and decided to wait til he got home so we could talk about it.
| 15,440 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rax9hl/aita_for_breaking_my_promise_to_my_husband_and/
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2021-12-07 11:38:42
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nta
he prevented you from organising help for yourself.
he didn't come home after the brith.
my so would be single and i mean that.
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he needs to live in his hometown because of a chronic medical condition, but goes out of town for two weeks when his kid is being born? like i know there are some professions where that would be a thing, but the imbalance there leapt out at me. what about your needs? what about your recovery? your husband is isolating you at a time when you need support most.
nta.
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nta but your husband is for so many reasons. the best part is that he think it tainted the *memory* of his son's birth? he wasn't even there. so he has no memory of it, and thus has no say in how you wanted things handled. zero. nada.
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just … wow. you know, they say a classic sign of an abusive (yes, i’m going there) partner is they try to separate you from or shut out your family (think coal miner’s daughter). my eyebrows were raised already when op said they wanted their mom at the birth and her husband said no. for what reason? this already shows there was a problem well before op “broke her promise” 🙄. all the husband cared about when he got home was focusing on berating the mother of his first born, not the joy of creating a family or having a new child. i have a suspicion there are and were a mountain of other issues with this guy, his family, and their marriage that she’s not mentioning, or at least not acknowledging. nta, but definitely there’s more here.
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nta
your husband knows he was wrong to leave during the due date. so he made a plan : to force you to make a promise you could not held. this way, he (and people on his side) will be able to distract other people from his huge mistake (the work travel) with your broken promise.
smart plan, right? now he can blame you so you spend energy trying to defend yourself instead of thinking "hey, he shouldn't have left me, or his step mom should have been more involved ".
if he left you with reliable people, i would be okay with his travel... but then you would have to let his family meet baby!
i will never have kids because i don't want any, and even if i think children are cool/funny, i hate babies. but you know what? i would never left a woman with a newborn alone if i knew her husband or family wouldn't be able to get here in less than 30 minutes. it is about being civil, decent, human.
your husband knows that, and knows he might be blamed for this too (absence and cruel family) so... he blames you again with this impossible promise!
step mom is ta, husband too. you, your mother and baby are not responsible for their actions and choices. you three were trapped.
guess what : the nurses/doctors/hospital staff met baby before him. so you did not break the promise, his absence did.
take care, keep your mom close or... get closer to her. husband might get new plans of the same nature to defect the blame on you for his futures mistakes/acts of disrespect.
you deserve better
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nta. why was it okay for his stepmom to meet the baby before him but not your mom?
his priorities are seriously messed up if he thinks him getting to meet his baby before anyone else trumps your need for help and support taking care of newborn and yourself. his expectations were controlling and unfair. you do not owe him an apology, he owes you one.
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nta. yeah... heal up and leave. your husband is acting like an entitled selfish brat. he has no idea what its like to give birth amd need help afterwards. his family isn't helping you... what does he expect? he's showing major red flags. and there's no excuse, work or not, he wasn't at the birth unless he's in the military, and even then they probably would have made an exception. tell your husband name calling is for toddlers, to grow up, or you need to run. at break neck speed.
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nta. your husband is either ignorant or wilfully unaware of what it would be like to come home to be alone with one’s first child.
it sucks that his work was unable to accommodate him being with you at the time of your child’s birth. i find that cruel and inhumane. but his expectation that “nobody would meet” the child was foolish and immature. you needed help; you reached out; you got help for you and your son.
your husband’s behaviour and either his inability or choice to understand your situation is problematic, to say the least.
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oh hell no. nta. he left you alone knowing you would have to take care of a newborn and i'm guessing he knew how his stepmom was. you can't be expected to do everything by yourself. he should be grateful someone was willing to help.
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[deleted]
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i f25 moved away from my town and to my husband's m32 hometown after we got married. the main reason is because he suffers from a medical chronic condition and needs to be near his family. i was pregnant with our first baby and was nearing my due date when my husband had to travel out of town for work for 2 weeks. because of this he couldn't be with me in the delivery room which wasn't expected. i wanted to ask mom to come be with me but he assured me that his family are there to help and i shouldn't be worried. he then made me promise that i don't let anyone see our son for the first time in person before him besides his stepmom who was supposed to be there for me and i agreed. his stepmom was with me when i went into labor but she stayed away since she is the type that doesn't get too involved and keeps her distance. she's also the "i don't do diapers" type meaning she doesn't offer help with the baby and i shouldn't be expecting it. she dropped me and my son off at home and asked that i only call if there's an emergency. i felt helpless i asked my neighbor for few favors but needed real help with the baby so i called my mom (she new i'd just given birth) and asked if she could come help me and she drove 4 hours to come stay with me. she helped out tremendously and i'm so so grateful for that. my husband stayed away for few more days then came home. once he saw my mom he got so upset repeatedly saying i broke the promise that i made him by not letting others meet our son before him and i explained that i needed help and he brought up his stepmom but i replied that she dropped me off and left that's it. besides, he and mom are on good terms i didn't get why he was mad she met her grandbaby which was inevitable. he said it wasn't about mom since it could've been anybody else but it was about me disrespecting his wishes and breaking the promise i made. he reminded me that he's also the parent and he gets a say too. at this point i said he was overreacting but he replied that i forever tainted the memory of his son's birth and broke his trust and proved to him that my word "is worth shit" now. mom tried to give us space but i said she did nothing wrong she came to help after his stepmom left so i can't be blamed for asking for help. he told me to stop giving him excuses and admit i wronged him with what i did and then started avoiding me and just kept focusing his attention on our son. he keeps acting cold towards me calling me a selfish promise breaker and expecting me to make it up to him. he wanted an apology but i haven't given him that yet. aita? eta we did talk to each other on the phone several times and he already knew that his stepmom refused to stay with me and told me to just call if something happens but i didn't tell him about calling me mom knowing how he'd react and decided to wait til he got home so we could talk about it.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i f25 moved away from my town and to my husband's m32 hometown after we got married. the main reason is because he suffers from a medical chronic condition and needs to be near his family. i was pregnant with our first baby and was nearing my due date when my husband had to travel out of town for work for 2 weeks. because of this he couldn't be with me in the delivery room which wasn't expected. i wanted to ask mom to come be with me but he assured me that his family are there to help and i shouldn't be worried. he then made me promise that i don't let anyone see our son for the first time in person before him besides his stepmom who was supposed to be there for me and i agreed. his stepmom was with me when i went into labor but she stayed away since she is the type that doesn't get too involved and keeps her distance. she's also the "i don't do diapers" type meaning she doesn't offer help with the baby and i shouldn't be expecting it. she dropped me and my son off at home and asked that i only call if there's an emergency. i felt helpless i asked my neighbor for few favors but needed real help with the baby so i called my mom (she new i'd just given birth) and asked if she could come help me and she drove 4 hours to come stay with me. she helped out tremendously and i'm so so grateful for that. my husband stayed away for few more days then came home. once he saw my mom he got so upset repeatedly saying i broke the promise that i made him by not letting others meet our son before him and i explained that i needed help and he brought up his stepmom but i replied that she dropped me off and left that's it. besides, he and mom are on good terms i didn't get why he was mad she met her grandbaby which was inevitable. he said it wasn't about mom since it could've been anybody else but it was about me disrespecting his wishes and breaking the promise i made. he reminded me that he's also the parent and he gets a say too. at this point i said he was overreacting but he replied that i forever tainted the memory of his son's birth and broke his trust and proved to him that my word "is worth shit" now. mom tried to give us space but i said she did nothing wrong she came to help after his stepmom left so i can't be blamed for asking for help. he told me to stop giving him excuses and admit i wronged him with what i did and then started avoiding me and just kept focusing his attention on our son. he keeps acting cold towards me calling me a selfish promise breaker and expecting me to make it up to him. he wanted an apology but i haven't given him that yet. aita? eta we did talk to each other on the phone several times and he already knew that his stepmom refused to stay with me and told me to just call if something happens but i didn't tell him about calling me mom knowing how he'd react and decided to wait til he got home so we could talk about it. [/INST] nta he prevented you from organising help for yourself. he didn't come home after the brith. my so would be single and i mean that. </s>
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AITA for refusing to bring my kids to my friends BBQ because a woman attending called me a narc?
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29f and i have 3 kids. i have a friend who is an older woman (53) and is super down to earth. she is one of those "peace and love", hippy type individuals. with that said though, she does like her coke habit. now, generally i tend to stay away from individuals whom use any sort of drugs because i dont want to be mixed in with that lifestyle at all. basically if i wont allow my kids around you, i wont be around you. this woman is the only exception i have ever had to that rule, though i still wont bring my kids there. she respects that and knows why.
anyways, she invited me over for a bbq. she said that she would put her coke up for that time so that my kids could go. i already knew that my answer would be no but i didnt want to be a dick, so i told her i would think about it. well, at that very moment her friend chimed in and started badgering me with questions about why i had to think about it if my friend said she would put the coke up. this woman also does drugs, and a lot more than coke. she also doesnt give a fuck who is around and will call you a bitch if you refuse any drugs offered. which is pathetic for someone her age.
so, anyways, i finally told her why. i said that it didnr matter if the coke was put up or not and that it's still the principle of it. i dont want my kids mixed into people's lifestyles who use; whether it be in front of them or hidden away in the background somewhere. situations can turn sour quick, after all. this woman then said "what? are you a fucking narc or something?" this comment was made after my friend told her that i had never personally used drugs and that she understood where i am coming from. i then turned to my friend and said "i'm sorry but we will not be coming."
when she asked why, i said "well, as i said, my kids arent going to be sitting her with drugs going on in the background or not. even if you put it up, she wont." -i pointed at her friend. i then continued with "and i will be damned a conversation like this will come up in front of my children and i'm willing to bet it will because she obviously thinks i'm some sort of piece of shit for choosing my kids over drugs." this was a low blow attack k because both my friend and her friend have kids that they use in front of (all of them over 16 years old).
the woman started freaking out and was asking my friend if she was going to put up with "some bitch" putting her down like that and eventually left. my friend is saying i should have just kept my mouth zipped and not said anything because now there is tension.
aita?
| 786 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jzghta/aita_for_refusing_to_bring_my_kids_to_my_friends/
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2020-11-23 12:11:15
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nta - and honesty- these aren't people i'd continue to associate with in the future. the hateful one bc hateful, and the other because she's ok with the hateful one's attitude.
also - i gotta ask - what exactly does a hippie with a coke habit act like? i have a mental picture of a house with 40 incense sticks burning, 20 pieces of tie dye in various stage of drying and a short lady with long hair cooking up 30 pounds of tofu at once.
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nta. you politely declined the invite, this woman pushed and rudely asked for a reason. *and* she was the one who kept bringing up the coke and wanting to ask your reasons for it when you didn’t want to have that discussion with her.
i get where you’re coming from. i enjoy using drugs occasionally but my best friend is 50 years old and recently used coke in front of her 16 year old daughter. she was like a mom figure to me in a way and i felt really sad and uncomfortable. like you, i have changed my interactions with this woman. she is still valuable to me and i know her drug use doesn’t mean she’s a bad person, but you should never be forced to be in a situation you’re uncomfortable with.
the sad truth is that if you use drugs in front of your kids they are more likely to do it themselves and not understand they’re a serious issue.
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nta - get new friends. she sounds like she hangs with a bad crowd and it could come back to you in some way. protect your kids and create some distance.
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"she also doesnt give a fuck who is around and will call you a bitch if you refuse any drugs offered. which is pathetic for someone her age."
that's pathetic regardless of age.
nta.
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nta your friends seems to respect your choices, which is cool. her friend is not so cool. there are rare people that use drugs to adjust the chemistry of their brain and are responsible. then there are the constant pot smokers that insist they are a "better parent" when they are high. i have to admit that my mom was a "better parent" when she was high, since the other times she was snorting speed and beating the snot out of me, so better is relative i guess. maybe if you are "that" kind of better parent on drugs, you should be a parent at all.
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nta.
you're being responsible as a parent should.
not all people who use drugs recreationally are terrible people, as your friend has shown.
what does make her an ass, is not sticking up for you when her asshole drug friend attacked you.
i have friends that have a coke habit, and i would never let my daughter around them. awesome people, but they know i don't want it around me or the kid. and they all respect that. so they don't invite us to bbqs and such that would probably have drugs.
i would for sure bring this up to your friend, that you appreciate that she won't do it and that she'll put the drugs away, doesn't mean that her invited guests will.
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why are you friends with these people? the company you keep and all that jazz.
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nta.
you put the lady in her place. get rid of both though. too much drama for no reason.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: 29f and i have 3 kids. i have a friend who is an older woman (53) and is super down to earth. she is one of those "peace and love", hippy type individuals. with that said though, she does like her coke habit. now, generally i tend to stay away from individuals whom use any sort of drugs because i dont want to be mixed in with that lifestyle at all. basically if i wont allow my kids around you, i wont be around you. this woman is the only exception i have ever had to that rule, though i still wont bring my kids there. she respects that and knows why. anyways, she invited me over for a bbq. she said that she would put her coke up for that time so that my kids could go. i already knew that my answer would be no but i didnt want to be a dick, so i told her i would think about it. well, at that very moment her friend chimed in and started badgering me with questions about why i had to think about it if my friend said she would put the coke up. this woman also does drugs, and a lot more than coke. she also doesnt give a fuck who is around and will call you a bitch if you refuse any drugs offered. which is pathetic for someone her age. so, anyways, i finally told her why. i said that it didnr matter if the coke was put up or not and that it's still the principle of it. i dont want my kids mixed into people's lifestyles who use; whether it be in front of them or hidden away in the background somewhere. situations can turn sour quick, after all. this woman then said "what? are you a fucking narc or something?" this comment was made after my friend told her that i had never personally used drugs and that she understood where i am coming from. i then turned to my friend and said "i'm sorry but we will not be coming." when she asked why, i said "well, as i said, my kids arent going to be sitting her with drugs going on in the background or not. even if you put it up, she wont." -i pointed at her friend. i then continued with "and i will be damned a conversation like this will come up in front of my children and i'm willing to bet it will because she obviously thinks i'm some sort of piece of shit for choosing my kids over drugs." this was a low blow attack k because both my friend and her friend have kids that they use in front of (all of them over 16 years old). the woman started freaking out and was asking my friend if she was going to put up with "some bitch" putting her down like that and eventually left. my friend is saying i should have just kept my mouth zipped and not said anything because now there is tension. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
29f and i have 3 kids. i have a friend who is an older woman (53) and is super down to earth. she is one of those "peace and love", hippy type individuals. with that said though, she does like her coke habit. now, generally i tend to stay away from individuals whom use any sort of drugs because i dont want to be mixed in with that lifestyle at all. basically if i wont allow my kids around you, i wont be around you. this woman is the only exception i have ever had to that rule, though i still wont bring my kids there. she respects that and knows why. anyways, she invited me over for a bbq. she said that she would put her coke up for that time so that my kids could go. i already knew that my answer would be no but i didnt want to be a dick, so i told her i would think about it. well, at that very moment her friend chimed in and started badgering me with questions about why i had to think about it if my friend said she would put the coke up. this woman also does drugs, and a lot more than coke. she also doesnt give a fuck who is around and will call you a bitch if you refuse any drugs offered. which is pathetic for someone her age. so, anyways, i finally told her why. i said that it didnr matter if the coke was put up or not and that it's still the principle of it. i dont want my kids mixed into people's lifestyles who use; whether it be in front of them or hidden away in the background somewhere. situations can turn sour quick, after all. this woman then said "what? are you a fucking narc or something?" this comment was made after my friend told her that i had never personally used drugs and that she understood where i am coming from. i then turned to my friend and said "i'm sorry but we will not be coming." when she asked why, i said "well, as i said, my kids arent going to be sitting her with drugs going on in the background or not. even if you put it up, she wont." -i pointed at her friend. i then continued with "and i will be damned a conversation like this will come up in front of my children and i'm willing to bet it will because she obviously thinks i'm some sort of piece of shit for choosing my kids over drugs." this was a low blow attack k because both my friend and her friend have kids that they use in front of (all of them over 16 years old). the woman started freaking out and was asking my friend if she was going to put up with "some bitch" putting her down like that and eventually left. my friend is saying i should have just kept my mouth zipped and not said anything because now there is tension. aita? [/INST] nta - and honesty- these aren't people i'd continue to associate with in the future. the hateful one bc hateful, and the other because she's ok with the hateful one's attitude. also - i gotta ask - what exactly does a hippie with a coke habit act like? i have a mental picture of a house with 40 incense sticks burning, 20 pieces of tie dye in various stage of drying and a short lady with long hair cooking up 30 pounds of tofu at once. </s>
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AITA for going to Grandparent's Day
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my family and i recently moved about 5 hours away from any of our family. i have a 5 year old son in kindergarten, and he misses his paw paw a lot. his school held a grandparent's day lunch, where grandparents could come and bring their grandchild a special lunch and eat with their grandchildren. i've taught elementary school before where they've done this same event. when i taught, if a grandparent couldn't come, they'd allow pretty much anyone else attend in their place. my son was very distraught his paw paw couldn't make the 5 hour trip, and asked if his baby brother and i could attend in his place? i said of course i would, and sent back the sign up sheet marking that myself and my infant would be attending. the principal then told me that i wouldn't be allowed to attend, it was an event for grandparents only. since we are new to town, i did a little investigating and found that many parents intended to accompany the grandparents and also attend. i then asked the principal, would she turn these parents away at the door, since parents were not allowed? she didn't know how to respond and just kept claiming no other parents had ever asked to attend (which i later found out from his teacher was a lie, that many parents asked to attend). i tried reasoning with her again, providing research based evidence that shows children who feel isolated have increased stress that can lead to adulthood. she still would not let me attend. i decided to call the school board about it, and almost every person i talked to as i worked my way up the chain of command said that they left matters like these up to the principal's discretion. that was when i called the superintendent. he actually agreed with me, that having a special guest rather than no one would be preferable, and even brought to my attention that her allowing some parents to accompany grandparents and not allow parents in general to attend was discriminatory. so, i attended grandparent's day (there were many other parents there too) and the principal was mean mugging me ever chance she got. i enjoyed the lunch with my son, and didn't let him in on the drama, but still feel a little assholish. she probably got into trouble with her superior. his teacher said to me, i am his only advocate and that if i didn't fight for him who would? i just still feel weird about the whole scenario and wonder if i took things too far?
| 419 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d6uxvw/aita_for_going_to_grandparents_day/
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2019-09-20 13:29:55
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nta
just another power tripping bully entitled teacher
you stuck by your son kudos.
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nta.
considering how many kids may not have grandparents who can come for whatever reason, the principal was just being so shitty here. like, she really just wanted to be like “tough shit kid, you’re coming alone while all the other kids get to have their loved family guest.”
i think it’s fine that you elevated it — making a fuss over the principal’s head makes it likely that the principal won’t try the same thing for a different kid next time. good for you.
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nta - better to have someone there than no one. they were just being mean and arbitrary. you made all the calls and who knows? maybe paved the way for children with non-traditional families to have an easier time in the future.
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nta. at the small christian school i used to teach at, for grandparents day if kids didn’t have grandparents that could attend they would get “assigned grandparents” - senior citizens from the church who didn’t have any grandkids at the school. we always made sure that every kid had someone coming to visit them and spend lunch with them.
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nta at all that principal is a dick
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nta. your son was sad that he would probably be alone at lunch on a special day. everyone else’s grandparents (and parents) we’re coming, so why couldn’t you? that principal knew she was being a jerk, she knew other parents were coming, and she was not going to shut the door on them.
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nta! good job momma!!! you did the right thing, that principle is a straight up prick who, it seems to me, was just looking for someone to hold her power over.
it messes kids up when they are the only ones who don’t have visitors at these events. my school had a fathers luncheon every year, and every year i was the only kid without a dad there (he had passed away when i was a toddler). my mom was never permitted to come either (or she didn’t bother asking, i honestly don’t know.) all i know is how incredibly lonely and different i felt from my classmates, and that’s a feeling that’s never really gone away.
so again, good on you for fighting for him! i bet he had a great time, and he is one lucky kid to have such an awesome caring mom!
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nta. the principal, otoh, was.
many years ago when i was dating this guy, i became close to his younger brother. his kid brother had a grandparents day, but all of his grandparents were dead. he asked me, his brother's girlfriend, to go because i was the only one willing to attend with him.
we had a blast, and 20+ years later, it's one of the things he remembers about my time with his brother; the fact that i went to a special school even with him. we're still friends to this day.
your son will appreciate the fact that he had someone who cared enough to come.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my family and i recently moved about 5 hours away from any of our family. i have a 5 year old son in kindergarten, and he misses his paw paw a lot. his school held a grandparent's day lunch, where grandparents could come and bring their grandchild a special lunch and eat with their grandchildren. i've taught elementary school before where they've done this same event. when i taught, if a grandparent couldn't come, they'd allow pretty much anyone else attend in their place. my son was very distraught his paw paw couldn't make the 5 hour trip, and asked if his baby brother and i could attend in his place? i said of course i would, and sent back the sign up sheet marking that myself and my infant would be attending. the principal then told me that i wouldn't be allowed to attend, it was an event for grandparents only. since we are new to town, i did a little investigating and found that many parents intended to accompany the grandparents and also attend. i then asked the principal, would she turn these parents away at the door, since parents were not allowed? she didn't know how to respond and just kept claiming no other parents had ever asked to attend (which i later found out from his teacher was a lie, that many parents asked to attend). i tried reasoning with her again, providing research based evidence that shows children who feel isolated have increased stress that can lead to adulthood. she still would not let me attend. i decided to call the school board about it, and almost every person i talked to as i worked my way up the chain of command said that they left matters like these up to the principal's discretion. that was when i called the superintendent. he actually agreed with me, that having a special guest rather than no one would be preferable, and even brought to my attention that her allowing some parents to accompany grandparents and not allow parents in general to attend was discriminatory. so, i attended grandparent's day (there were many other parents there too) and the principal was mean mugging me ever chance she got. i enjoyed the lunch with my son, and didn't let him in on the drama, but still feel a little assholish. she probably got into trouble with her superior. his teacher said to me, i am his only advocate and that if i didn't fight for him who would? i just still feel weird about the whole scenario and wonder if i took things too far?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my family and i recently moved about 5 hours away from any of our family. i have a 5 year old son in kindergarten, and he misses his paw paw a lot. his school held a grandparent's day lunch, where grandparents could come and bring their grandchild a special lunch and eat with their grandchildren. i've taught elementary school before where they've done this same event. when i taught, if a grandparent couldn't come, they'd allow pretty much anyone else attend in their place. my son was very distraught his paw paw couldn't make the 5 hour trip, and asked if his baby brother and i could attend in his place? i said of course i would, and sent back the sign up sheet marking that myself and my infant would be attending. the principal then told me that i wouldn't be allowed to attend, it was an event for grandparents only. since we are new to town, i did a little investigating and found that many parents intended to accompany the grandparents and also attend. i then asked the principal, would she turn these parents away at the door, since parents were not allowed? she didn't know how to respond and just kept claiming no other parents had ever asked to attend (which i later found out from his teacher was a lie, that many parents asked to attend). i tried reasoning with her again, providing research based evidence that shows children who feel isolated have increased stress that can lead to adulthood. she still would not let me attend. i decided to call the school board about it, and almost every person i talked to as i worked my way up the chain of command said that they left matters like these up to the principal's discretion. that was when i called the superintendent. he actually agreed with me, that having a special guest rather than no one would be preferable, and even brought to my attention that her allowing some parents to accompany grandparents and not allow parents in general to attend was discriminatory. so, i attended grandparent's day (there were many other parents there too) and the principal was mean mugging me ever chance she got. i enjoyed the lunch with my son, and didn't let him in on the drama, but still feel a little assholish. she probably got into trouble with her superior. his teacher said to me, i am his only advocate and that if i didn't fight for him who would? i just still feel weird about the whole scenario and wonder if i took things too far? [/INST] nta just another power tripping bully entitled teacher you stuck by your son kudos. </s>
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AITA for telling my niece off?
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i'm a m2f trans woman and let's be honest my genetics have made passing hard. my niece has taken it upon herself to remind me of this fact every time she's around.
comments like "how's the delusion going?" and "how's it feel to be a full time drag queen?" just drive me up the wall.
my brother accepts me out of her earshot but remains quiet as he doesn't want to fight with her. but the second she says anything he seems to catch laryngitis. with the pandemic she has gotten even more insufferable.
today i was on skype with my boyfriend and she shouted “maybe he should get a 'real' girl” and flashed the camera. i exploded and yelled at her to which she ran out of my room. now my brother is arguing with me not wanting to hear why i erupted, all the while she's right over his shoulder smirking.
so i just quit fighting and went back into my room and locked the door, only for her to pound on it demanding that i restore the wifi(i may have been a little petty, but i pay for it and i only blocked her devices) i was about to restore it until she said “if you wanna be a girl you can't be so unladylike, girls aren't supposed to like computers!” i just responded “if being a girl is what you are, i may have to reconsider my transition as nobody would want to be a bitch like you!”
now my brother is trying to get me to apologize to her for calling her a bitch, saying i don't have to sink to her level. i've told him only when she apologizes for all the transphobic bs she's said and flashing my boyfriend would i consider it.
so reddit... am i the asshole?
edit 1: because some people asked i'm 37 and she's 22. the home in question is my folks' house as i've lived there since rona hit as there are no jobs for a cosmetologist at the moment(hairdresser, spa worker, nail tech i'm licensed to do all but everything is shut down)
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hxxs21/aita_for_telling_my_niece_off/
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2020-07-26 00:56:45
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nta. transphobic people don't even deserve an ounce of respect. the fact that she was in the background smiling tells me that she doesn't just do this out of hate, she actively thrives on making you feel like shit. fuck her, she can get her own wifi.
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oh hell no lol and by her logic, i should probably check into uterus removal and transitioning myself as i'm a ciswoman and love computers and video games.
nta, your brother needs to reign in his spawn. i dunno your situation, but i'd try and relocate if possible, that kid would drive anyone crazy.
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nta at all.
your niece is a shit brat, and your brother is a full coward.
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nta. i'm sorry, but your niece sounds like an insufferable bigot. sure, the comment was a bit harsh, but transphobes won't get any sympathy from me. also, your brother needs to step in and tell her that what she's saying and doing to you is unacceptable.
for that matter, don't restore the wifi. if she can't respect the person who is **literally giving her free wifi**, then she doesn't deserve to use it.
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nta at alllll. she's been transphobic the whole time, making comments every time she's around you, she deserves what she got. honestly she probably deserves even worse. your niece is the biggest asshole for being transphobic, but your brother is also an asshole for a) never defending you and b) not listening to your side of the story.
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nta, i was straight up about to say cut her some slack cause she’s a just a kid, but she’s 22? she’s acting so childish that i assumed she was a kid
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nta. she was an asshole and when she was called out on it she got upset? that’s not how the real world works. sounds like she doesn’t deserve wifi until she respects the person who gives it to her for free.
if she wants wifi she can pay for her own. teach her that being an asshole doesn’t pay the bills.
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nta - your niece is 22 and should know better. her transphobic comments are unacceptable and are enough to warrant you kicking her off the wifi that you pay for. your brother also needs to get his head out his butt and discipline (or at least have a stern talking to) his daughter for her comments and her flashing your boyfriend (so not okay, and at 22, who does that?!). your brother needs to be a parent, not a bystander (and his behavior isn’t even acceptable for a bystander).
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i’m sorry,, she fucking flashed the camera??!? and faced no repercussions from her family?? what evennnn. what she did and how she treats you is sooo fucked, and the fact that you’re brother does nothing ab it is so trashy. if he lets her treat you like this imagine how he lets her treat himself. honestly it’s high time she grew up. you’re sooo nta
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nta. just go no contact. you’ll feel better. one trans person to another (i’m ftm), even though i wish things went differently with my dad’s side, cutting them out of my life was the best decision i ever made for my mental health.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm a m2f trans woman and let's be honest my genetics have made passing hard. my niece has taken it upon herself to remind me of this fact every time she's around. comments like "how's the delusion going?" and "how's it feel to be a full time drag queen?" just drive me up the wall. my brother accepts me out of her earshot but remains quiet as he doesn't want to fight with her. but the second she says anything he seems to catch laryngitis. with the pandemic she has gotten even more insufferable. today i was on skype with my boyfriend and she shouted “maybe he should get a 'real' girl” and flashed the camera. i exploded and yelled at her to which she ran out of my room. now my brother is arguing with me not wanting to hear why i erupted, all the while she's right over his shoulder smirking. so i just quit fighting and went back into my room and locked the door, only for her to pound on it demanding that i restore the wifi(i may have been a little petty, but i pay for it and i only blocked her devices) i was about to restore it until she said “if you wanna be a girl you can't be so unladylike, girls aren't supposed to like computers!” i just responded “if being a girl is what you are, i may have to reconsider my transition as nobody would want to be a bitch like you!” now my brother is trying to get me to apologize to her for calling her a bitch, saying i don't have to sink to her level. i've told him only when she apologizes for all the transphobic bs she's said and flashing my boyfriend would i consider it. so reddit... am i the asshole? edit 1: because some people asked i'm 37 and she's 22. the home in question is my folks' house as i've lived there since rona hit as there are no jobs for a cosmetologist at the moment(hairdresser, spa worker, nail tech i'm licensed to do all but everything is shut down)
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm a m2f trans woman and let's be honest my genetics have made passing hard. my niece has taken it upon herself to remind me of this fact every time she's around. comments like "how's the delusion going?" and "how's it feel to be a full time drag queen?" just drive me up the wall. my brother accepts me out of her earshot but remains quiet as he doesn't want to fight with her. but the second she says anything he seems to catch laryngitis. with the pandemic she has gotten even more insufferable. today i was on skype with my boyfriend and she shouted “maybe he should get a 'real' girl” and flashed the camera. i exploded and yelled at her to which she ran out of my room. now my brother is arguing with me not wanting to hear why i erupted, all the while she's right over his shoulder smirking. so i just quit fighting and went back into my room and locked the door, only for her to pound on it demanding that i restore the wifi(i may have been a little petty, but i pay for it and i only blocked her devices) i was about to restore it until she said “if you wanna be a girl you can't be so unladylike, girls aren't supposed to like computers!” i just responded “if being a girl is what you are, i may have to reconsider my transition as nobody would want to be a bitch like you!” now my brother is trying to get me to apologize to her for calling her a bitch, saying i don't have to sink to her level. i've told him only when she apologizes for all the transphobic bs she's said and flashing my boyfriend would i consider it. so reddit... am i the asshole? edit 1: because some people asked i'm 37 and she's 22. the home in question is my folks' house as i've lived there since rona hit as there are no jobs for a cosmetologist at the moment(hairdresser, spa worker, nail tech i'm licensed to do all but everything is shut down) [/INST] nta. transphobic people don't even deserve an ounce of respect. the fact that she was in the background smiling tells me that she doesn't just do this out of hate, she actively thrives on making you feel like shit. fuck her, she can get her own wifi. </s>
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AITA for getting my GF’s sisters car towed?
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so me (28m) and my girlfriend (27f) have been dating for 2 years, while living together the last year. one recurring issue keeps happening. her sister tori (30f) keeps parking in our driveway. this has happened more times than i can count. she will park in the drive which blocks me from getting in and out of the garage. i’ll come home late from work and her car will be on the drive, i’ll have to park on the street and walk to the house. i’ve told her prolly 10 times to stop doing this. my girlfriend has told tori to quit doing it because her car will get blocked in also. she just keeps doing it, always saying “oops i’m sorry, i forgot i’ll move it”.
so i come home last night after grocery shopping and sure enough tori’s car is parked in the drive. i call my girlfriend to tell her to move it. she says they got picked up by a friend and went to dinner. i had to park on the street and haul all the groceries up my steeply inclined driveway. it took forever and i was pissed. i called a tow truck. guy comes and i explain the situation and he towed tori’s car. they get back from dinner, walk in freaking out asking where tori’s car is. i tell them that it got towed and gave them the tow truck company’s number. tori is pissed and it ended up costing her a decent amount of money. aita?
| 2,672 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rlrh8z/aita_for_getting_my_gfs_sisters_car_towed/
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2021-12-21 23:44:32
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nta.
she was asked multiple times to stop parking in the driveway. this was a natural consequence.
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nta. tori and your girlfriend suck. they both don’t care at all. your girlfriend has obviously not made it clear to her sister that this a big problem, she even left the house with her last night seeing the car in the driveway and didn’t tell her to move it first.
you did take a pretty drastic and expensive option but, after telling her to stop time and time again and not being listened to, something had to give.
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nta. you told her to stop multiple times and she didn’t. all you did was remove a vehicle you didn’t want parked on your land.
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nta i bet she doesn't do it again.
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nta, maybe an expensive lesson for tori will be enough to stop parking in the driveway.
i don’t know about anyone else, but unless it’s my driveway i always park on the street when going to someone else’s house just in case they need their driveway.
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nta. tori was warned. maybe now she'll park on the street. if not, keep towing it.
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instead of aita you should ask yourself if you wanted your relationship with your girlfriend to last. i hope the answer was no because you opened a big ol' messy can of worms. if your girlfriend knew it was such a big deal why didn't she have her sister move the car before they left?
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nta. you warned her on multiple occasions that this wasn't acceptable and she continued to do it anyway. she then doubled down by *knowingly* blocking your driveway when she knew she would be unavailable to correct it for several hours.
it's an expensive lesson that treating people poorly has consequences (and that when using up your second, third, fourth and fifth chances, you never know which one was your last chance until it's too late)
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hahaha. maybe ah but she definitely earned it. it is your house you have the sole right to park in your driveway.
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nta. you're a justifiable asshole.
tori wasn't going to quit because there's been no repercussions for her actions. now there has been. i bet she doesn't park there anymore.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so me (28m) and my girlfriend (27f) have been dating for 2 years, while living together the last year. one recurring issue keeps happening. her sister tori (30f) keeps parking in our driveway. this has happened more times than i can count. she will park in the drive which blocks me from getting in and out of the garage. i’ll come home late from work and her car will be on the drive, i’ll have to park on the street and walk to the house. i’ve told her prolly 10 times to stop doing this. my girlfriend has told tori to quit doing it because her car will get blocked in also. she just keeps doing it, always saying “oops i’m sorry, i forgot i’ll move it”. so i come home last night after grocery shopping and sure enough tori’s car is parked in the drive. i call my girlfriend to tell her to move it. she says they got picked up by a friend and went to dinner. i had to park on the street and haul all the groceries up my steeply inclined driveway. it took forever and i was pissed. i called a tow truck. guy comes and i explain the situation and he towed tori’s car. they get back from dinner, walk in freaking out asking where tori’s car is. i tell them that it got towed and gave them the tow truck company’s number. tori is pissed and it ended up costing her a decent amount of money. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so me (28m) and my girlfriend (27f) have been dating for 2 years, while living together the last year. one recurring issue keeps happening. her sister tori (30f) keeps parking in our driveway. this has happened more times than i can count. she will park in the drive which blocks me from getting in and out of the garage. i’ll come home late from work and her car will be on the drive, i’ll have to park on the street and walk to the house. i’ve told her prolly 10 times to stop doing this. my girlfriend has told tori to quit doing it because her car will get blocked in also. she just keeps doing it, always saying “oops i’m sorry, i forgot i’ll move it”. so i come home last night after grocery shopping and sure enough tori’s car is parked in the drive. i call my girlfriend to tell her to move it. she says they got picked up by a friend and went to dinner. i had to park on the street and haul all the groceries up my steeply inclined driveway. it took forever and i was pissed. i called a tow truck. guy comes and i explain the situation and he towed tori’s car. they get back from dinner, walk in freaking out asking where tori’s car is. i tell them that it got towed and gave them the tow truck company’s number. tori is pissed and it ended up costing her a decent amount of money. aita? [/INST] nta. she was asked multiple times to stop parking in the driveway. this was a natural consequence. </s>
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AItA for getting mad at my friend because he photoshopped my wedding pics?
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about a month back, my husband and i got married. we had this very small church wedding with just family and friends. my friend,david, is a professional photographer and is kinda famous in our city for his amazing work. when i told him about my wedding, he offered to do the photos for free as a wedding gift.
yesterday we received the wedding pics, and well, he’s edited the heck out of my face and body. first thing i noticed was that he’s made my waist smaller to get that ‘hourglass’ appearance. the next thing he did was to edit my rather pointy nose into a small, button-like one. in some pictures, where my side profile is visible, he’s edited out the dorsal hump. the end result still looks like me, but also like every generic instagram model you see online. i quite like my nose, and i quite liked the way i looked on my wedding day.
so i called him up to ask if he had the unedited versions of these pics and he said he’s already deleted those. i told him that he shouldn’t have photoshopped my wedding pics without asking first and that it ruined the whole thing. he said that he only made subtle changes, changes that most of his clients ask him to do and that’s why he was being proactive in my case. i told him that it was very stupid to assume that everyone likes/wants the same thing. he didn’t think he was wrong and said that he was trying to do a nice thing and i was being ungrateful.
i told all of this to a common friend, and she thinks i’m overreacting because all he did was, quote, ‘make you look prettier.’
aita?
| 7,416 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jxxnx6/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_friend_because_he/
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2020-11-20 21:14:18
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nta deleting the originals was a dumb, rookie move. giving you an unasked-for cosmopolitan mag cover girl 'shop is extremely presumptuous.
girl ngl i'd be pissed too.
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nta. he needs to call up an it guy who can hopefully "undelete" those pics. you didn't ask for it and he should give you the unedited versions. and he should do it for free. and tell him that it's noted that he thinks you're unsightly.
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i don't know too many professional photographers, but i do know a few, and none of them would ever delete the original photos. with storage technology so cheap, there is no reason to. i think he's lying to you since he is not getting paid and just doesn't want to be bothered with getting them to you. he's an ah
nta
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oh my god. nta! what an awful thing to do- making judgements on your appearance, assuming you have insecurities about your features when youve expressed no such thing, deleting the original pictures without asking... i am so sorry this happened. if he has any decency he will apologise and do his best to photoshop them again to make them look as much like the originals as possible.
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i am a professional retoucher and you are nta.
they only reason my verdict isn’t n-a-h is because he told you he got rid of the originals. i don’t think i’ve ever met a pro photog who would destroy their raw format images in favor of both a lossy file and a permafixed adjustment. i suspect he is either an idiot or lying.
that said, the best advice i’ve ever gotten for what a “standard” level of retouch should be is that it should look like you managed to catch the subject in the best possible of all circumstances — ideal lighting, flattering posture, well-fitted clothing, and on best hair and skin day of their lives. if ideal circumstances wouldn’t change the thing (e.g., that mole on their forehead), don’t edit it unless asked.
and even then, do so without insinuating a fault in the client. but that one is just common sense.
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nta wow hes such an ass. if you had been a paying client he would not have done this. also, dont pros usually send images some images as a "do you like this or no?" i find it hard to believe that he already deleted the originals. i dont think you can pursue legal action because you didnt pay him, but i dont know for sure. this falls under "defamation of character" i believe.
>i told all of this to a common friend, and she thinks i’m overreacting because all he did was, quote, ‘make you look prettier.’
and this is not a friend if she believes you need to be photoshopped to be prettier.
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nta - i would be heartbroken. that is horrible of him to make you into someone you are not. he owes you a huge apology. if you had known that, you could have paid someone to take the photos you wanted.
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nta. even if (big if) he had the best of intentions, when it comes to altering things that are different in reality, not just deleting a zit or getting rid of a stray hair, the golden rule is you ask your client. some people don't really mind if their appearance doesn't reflect reality, while others (myself included, and the op as well) do.
so the dude overstepped the boundaries of professionalism, which state you always consult your client/customers, and he overstepped the boundaries of friendship (because you weren't just some strangers) when he didn't ask you beforehand.
ask him for the actual photos. ask him why he felt the need to edit stuff without your permission. enjoy your marriage and nevermind assholes like david.
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"david, as much as i appreciate you wanting to gift me photos for my wedding day, i cannot accept these. as amazingly talented as you are, i don't feel comfortable keeping photos of my husband marrying what looks like someone else. i've been edited to no longer look like me. it breaks my heart you deleted the originals, and can't produce pictures with me in them. just because other people like the heavily edited versions of themselves, doesn't mean everyone does. i wish you had asked beforehand before essentially removing me from my own wedding photos."
nta op, not by a long shot.
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nta- be frank with him and tell him if you had known that your appearance was going to be edited you would have declined the gift and hired someone, and therefore you you’d even pay for proper photos from him. then put a call out on sm to your guests that there was a mishap with your photos and requesting that they share any they may have.
you’ll get some good shots, and don’t be surprised when they come from your friend.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: about a month back, my husband and i got married. we had this very small church wedding with just family and friends. my friend,david, is a professional photographer and is kinda famous in our city for his amazing work. when i told him about my wedding, he offered to do the photos for free as a wedding gift. yesterday we received the wedding pics, and well, he’s edited the heck out of my face and body. first thing i noticed was that he’s made my waist smaller to get that ‘hourglass’ appearance. the next thing he did was to edit my rather pointy nose into a small, button-like one. in some pictures, where my side profile is visible, he’s edited out the dorsal hump. the end result still looks like me, but also like every generic instagram model you see online. i quite like my nose, and i quite liked the way i looked on my wedding day. so i called him up to ask if he had the unedited versions of these pics and he said he’s already deleted those. i told him that he shouldn’t have photoshopped my wedding pics without asking first and that it ruined the whole thing. he said that he only made subtle changes, changes that most of his clients ask him to do and that’s why he was being proactive in my case. i told him that it was very stupid to assume that everyone likes/wants the same thing. he didn’t think he was wrong and said that he was trying to do a nice thing and i was being ungrateful. i told all of this to a common friend, and she thinks i’m overreacting because all he did was, quote, ‘make you look prettier.’ aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
about a month back, my husband and i got married. we had this very small church wedding with just family and friends. my friend,david, is a professional photographer and is kinda famous in our city for his amazing work. when i told him about my wedding, he offered to do the photos for free as a wedding gift. yesterday we received the wedding pics, and well, he’s edited the heck out of my face and body. first thing i noticed was that he’s made my waist smaller to get that ‘hourglass’ appearance. the next thing he did was to edit my rather pointy nose into a small, button-like one. in some pictures, where my side profile is visible, he’s edited out the dorsal hump. the end result still looks like me, but also like every generic instagram model you see online. i quite like my nose, and i quite liked the way i looked on my wedding day. so i called him up to ask if he had the unedited versions of these pics and he said he’s already deleted those. i told him that he shouldn’t have photoshopped my wedding pics without asking first and that it ruined the whole thing. he said that he only made subtle changes, changes that most of his clients ask him to do and that’s why he was being proactive in my case. i told him that it was very stupid to assume that everyone likes/wants the same thing. he didn’t think he was wrong and said that he was trying to do a nice thing and i was being ungrateful. i told all of this to a common friend, and she thinks i’m overreacting because all he did was, quote, ‘make you look prettier.’ aita? [/INST] nta deleting the originals was a dumb, rookie move. giving you an unasked-for cosmopolitan mag cover girl 'shop is extremely presumptuous. girl ngl i'd be pissed too. </s>
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AITA for telling my brother to grow the hell up and not helping him because he’s family?
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i (33f) have a brother (37m) who’s always been the golden child. he could do no wrong in my parents eyes they would always bail him out of any situation. for example, he got in trouble with the law a lot as a teenager and in early 20’s my parents would always bail him out more than once. he totaled his car and my parents just bought him another. he would steal my savings that i kept in my room and have no consequences. he’s never had consequences to his actions from my parents.
my brother met his then wife through me. (no i didn’t introduce them i told any female friends to stay away from my brother) they married when she was 18. they moved away shortly after due to his legal issues. they had two kids together. his ex would fly home to her mothers often to visit spend time here then go back to my brother. the last time she came she planned to stay about 6 months. at this point they’d only been together about 4 years. long story short she was cheating ended up pregnant. they divorced she got custody my brother was a mess afterwards. he eventually moved on.
so present day he’s been with his new wife almost 8 year they have a kid now (7f). recently i found out she moved out to her mothers essentially leaving my brother but still married they’re “working” on their differences. yesterday he calls me frantically looking for our parents. they were both working. i ask him what wrong tell me how i can help. he tells me he has an emergency. i tell him to tell me what it is and i’ll try to help. he asks me for money. i tell him no. he pleads and begs. i tell him if he tells me why he needs the money i’ll let him borrow it. long story short while his wife was at her mothers he’s been cheating and now the mistress found out he’s married and is now threatening to tell his wife. she’s asking for money and he doesn’t have it. my parents support him and his family there. here’s where i may have been the ahole i lose it on him. asking him why he cheated. asking him if his wife deserves the same pain he went through. asking if he wants his child there to suffer like the ones here. he tells me i’m making him feel bad he’s going to cry. i tell him to grow the hell up. he’s not young to be doing this. that he’s a disappointment as an older brother. i tell him he deserves any pain and suffering he’ll get for his actions. he begs me not to tell our mom.
i tell my mom everything including what i told him. my mom tells me i was too harsh on him and he makes mistakes just like everyone else. she tells me if he gets divorced it’ll me my fault again (i was blamed for “introducing the first wife) and i should help him because he’s family. now i’m second guessing my decision not to help him and feeling slightly guilty.
so reddit aita for telling my brother to grow the hell up instead of helping him?
| 512 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yyn7gc/aita_for_telling_my_brother_to_grow_the_hell_up/
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2022-11-18 15:47:35
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nta
please keep your money. even if you help him there will be another similar issue down the road, it’s just who he is. thanks in no small part to your parents. another reason to not waste your resource, who will help you if you ever need it? not them.
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dude your family sounds toxic. tell mom and dad they can keep helping him but you are done with him and them. go nc. let golden boy take care of them in their retirement years (cause they will be after you to help them knowing goldy is worthless in that respect). nta.
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nta. your brother got a good kick in the nuts from karma here. why would you give your childish, irresponsible brother money to pay an extortionist? that just sounds dumb. your parents may be the biggest assholes in this whole family. constantly covering for your brother, paying for his mistakes and letting him suffer no consequences has done your brother no favors in life. trying to blame you for his first divorce just lets me know how far gone they are. being family doesnt mean you let each other get away with murder. so tired of seeing that shit on here. honestly i think you should go nc with your brother and let him know when he gets his life together and starts taking responsibility then yall can talk again.
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nta.
if your parents tell you it’s your fault again apologize to them for not being a better parent to your brother as you were clearly the only one raising him.
they are always more than welcome to bail out their friend who is biologically their son. but there’s no need for you to keep getting messy from someone else’s mess. time to take a step back from your family, perhaps indefinitely.
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i want you to sit a hot minute and digest what you are really asking all of us. "am i an asshole for not gifting my brother a significant sum of money to pay off his mistress and keep lying to his wife?"
holy shit no. nta.
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nta and your family is toxic...
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nta. i would be petty and tell his wife myself.
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nta, but your brother and parents are. he literally fucked around and is finding out. if i were you, i’d minimize contact with all of them and sit back with a cup of coffee and enjoy the shitshow.
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lol, nta and you know it. he's made his bed, he can lie in it. none of this is on you and you should just tell your mum to stop projecting his failures onto you, because his actions are his responsibilities.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (33f) have a brother (37m) who’s always been the golden child. he could do no wrong in my parents eyes they would always bail him out of any situation. for example, he got in trouble with the law a lot as a teenager and in early 20’s my parents would always bail him out more than once. he totaled his car and my parents just bought him another. he would steal my savings that i kept in my room and have no consequences. he’s never had consequences to his actions from my parents. my brother met his then wife through me. (no i didn’t introduce them i told any female friends to stay away from my brother) they married when she was 18. they moved away shortly after due to his legal issues. they had two kids together. his ex would fly home to her mothers often to visit spend time here then go back to my brother. the last time she came she planned to stay about 6 months. at this point they’d only been together about 4 years. long story short she was cheating ended up pregnant. they divorced she got custody my brother was a mess afterwards. he eventually moved on. so present day he’s been with his new wife almost 8 year they have a kid now (7f). recently i found out she moved out to her mothers essentially leaving my brother but still married they’re “working” on their differences. yesterday he calls me frantically looking for our parents. they were both working. i ask him what wrong tell me how i can help. he tells me he has an emergency. i tell him to tell me what it is and i’ll try to help. he asks me for money. i tell him no. he pleads and begs. i tell him if he tells me why he needs the money i’ll let him borrow it. long story short while his wife was at her mothers he’s been cheating and now the mistress found out he’s married and is now threatening to tell his wife. she’s asking for money and he doesn’t have it. my parents support him and his family there. here’s where i may have been the ahole i lose it on him. asking him why he cheated. asking him if his wife deserves the same pain he went through. asking if he wants his child there to suffer like the ones here. he tells me i’m making him feel bad he’s going to cry. i tell him to grow the hell up. he’s not young to be doing this. that he’s a disappointment as an older brother. i tell him he deserves any pain and suffering he’ll get for his actions. he begs me not to tell our mom. i tell my mom everything including what i told him. my mom tells me i was too harsh on him and he makes mistakes just like everyone else. she tells me if he gets divorced it’ll me my fault again (i was blamed for “introducing the first wife) and i should help him because he’s family. now i’m second guessing my decision not to help him and feeling slightly guilty. so reddit aita for telling my brother to grow the hell up instead of helping him?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (33f) have a brother (37m) who’s always been the golden child. he could do no wrong in my parents eyes they would always bail him out of any situation. for example, he got in trouble with the law a lot as a teenager and in early 20’s my parents would always bail him out more than once. he totaled his car and my parents just bought him another. he would steal my savings that i kept in my room and have no consequences. he’s never had consequences to his actions from my parents. my brother met his then wife through me. (no i didn’t introduce them i told any female friends to stay away from my brother) they married when she was 18. they moved away shortly after due to his legal issues. they had two kids together. his ex would fly home to her mothers often to visit spend time here then go back to my brother. the last time she came she planned to stay about 6 months. at this point they’d only been together about 4 years. long story short she was cheating ended up pregnant. they divorced she got custody my brother was a mess afterwards. he eventually moved on. so present day he’s been with his new wife almost 8 year they have a kid now (7f). recently i found out she moved out to her mothers essentially leaving my brother but still married they’re “working” on their differences. yesterday he calls me frantically looking for our parents. they were both working. i ask him what wrong tell me how i can help. he tells me he has an emergency. i tell him to tell me what it is and i’ll try to help. he asks me for money. i tell him no. he pleads and begs. i tell him if he tells me why he needs the money i’ll let him borrow it. long story short while his wife was at her mothers he’s been cheating and now the mistress found out he’s married and is now threatening to tell his wife. she’s asking for money and he doesn’t have it. my parents support him and his family there. here’s where i may have been the ahole i lose it on him. asking him why he cheated. asking him if his wife deserves the same pain he went through. asking if he wants his child there to suffer like the ones here. he tells me i’m making him feel bad he’s going to cry. i tell him to grow the hell up. he’s not young to be doing this. that he’s a disappointment as an older brother. i tell him he deserves any pain and suffering he’ll get for his actions. he begs me not to tell our mom. i tell my mom everything including what i told him. my mom tells me i was too harsh on him and he makes mistakes just like everyone else. she tells me if he gets divorced it’ll me my fault again (i was blamed for “introducing the first wife) and i should help him because he’s family. now i’m second guessing my decision not to help him and feeling slightly guilty. so reddit aita for telling my brother to grow the hell up instead of helping him? [/INST] nta please keep your money. even if you help him there will be another similar issue down the road, it’s just who he is. thanks in no small part to your parents. another reason to not waste your resource, who will help you if you ever need it? not them. </s>
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AITA for trying to avoid having mentally challenged people sit next to me on the bus?
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the bus i commute on has a stop right next to a facility for the mentally challenged, and more often than not, people get on the bus to go to the city.
when i see a mentally challenged person coming onto the bus, and the seat next to me is empty, i either put my bag on it, or try to sit as widely as possible. i'm 188 cm (6'2") tall so when i do that, there isn't much room next to me. if someone asks that i move my bag, i obviously oblige.
the reason for doing this is that often the mentally challenged person is loud, has bad personal hygiene or is just generally unpleasant to sit next to. often they are also quite obese and take up a lot of space. they also may ignore when i need to exit the bus, as i often am the only one who exits at my stop.
the reason i'm writing here is that someone sort of called me out on it today, as they loudly remarked to a mentally challenged person that "they could sit next to them, and people shouldn't have their bags on the empty seats. "
| 157 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/al1b44/aita_for_trying_to_avoid_having_mentally/
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2019-01-29 15:50:35
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yta. not because you don't want to sit next to them, but because you actively take up two seats as a resolution. get. over. your. self.
a nta reaction would be to stand up before this stop, and then sit wherever is a comfortable place for you. or if there are no remaining seats, stand.
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[deleted]
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so nta for being uncomfortable around mentally challenged people and not wanting to sit with them, i've asked my own friends before if i'm a dick for being uncomfortable. but yta for being super obvious about it and taking up extra seats. just stand. if you stand, you can move closer to the door when they're all settled, and then you don't have to worry about people not moving for you to get off the bus.
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yta - riding public transportation means you ride with the public. you are not entitled to two seats and acting like the mere presence of a person with developmental disabilities is a hardship you are enduring is a gaping, goatse level of assholishness.
i’d suggest that you simply buy a car and commute that way if you want to avoid social interactions, but i’m empathetic that *there may be circumstances outside your control that make this extremely difficult or impossible.* which is maybe a thought process you should try implementing more often.
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yta. i don't believe i even need to explain why, as i think you know you're being an asshole, which is the reason for this post.
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yta, the person was right to call you out for taking empty seats just so you didn’t have to sit next to someone
you can want to sit next to whoever you want, but don’t take up multiple seats to get your way
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nta on the condition that you only do it when the bus still has plenty of seats left. i think if you posted this about not wanting to sit next to people in general, the results would have been more in your favor.
but i think squeezels has the best suggestion here for going forward, which is to stand up before the stop and sit down afterwards.
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yta
don't take up two seats, that's serious bullshit man. if you're afraid of cooties then stand up.
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yta,first,you are cruel to them, its not there fault they are this way , second you have no right to take 2 seats, you don't like them? get off your seat and move away.
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yta. if you don't want to sit next to someone with a disability then stand up, there is nothing wrong with that. however, taking up two seats makes you entitled and cruel. you are demonstrating that you feel like you have more right to a seat than they do. you don't consider them people and you are a super asshole for believing that.
you would never say the same thing about an ethnic minority, despite the fact that because of diet and genetics there are distinct smells that can be common among distinct ethnic groups. you are saying this about people with disabilities because you don't consider them human.
would you show this thread to your mother? would you feel shame showing it to the mother or father of one of those people you don't consider human? guess what, i have a small child with sever disabilities, who one day will suffer because of people like you. it will hurt his feelings, it will make him cry, and people like you are the ones that should be shunned, not him.
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.164243 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: the bus i commute on has a stop right next to a facility for the mentally challenged, and more often than not, people get on the bus to go to the city. when i see a mentally challenged person coming onto the bus, and the seat next to me is empty, i either put my bag on it, or try to sit as widely as possible. i'm 188 cm (6'2") tall so when i do that, there isn't much room next to me. if someone asks that i move my bag, i obviously oblige. the reason for doing this is that often the mentally challenged person is loud, has bad personal hygiene or is just generally unpleasant to sit next to. often they are also quite obese and take up a lot of space. they also may ignore when i need to exit the bus, as i often am the only one who exits at my stop. the reason i'm writing here is that someone sort of called me out on it today, as they loudly remarked to a mentally challenged person that "they could sit next to them, and people shouldn't have their bags on the empty seats. "
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
the bus i commute on has a stop right next to a facility for the mentally challenged, and more often than not, people get on the bus to go to the city. when i see a mentally challenged person coming onto the bus, and the seat next to me is empty, i either put my bag on it, or try to sit as widely as possible. i'm 188 cm (6'2") tall so when i do that, there isn't much room next to me. if someone asks that i move my bag, i obviously oblige. the reason for doing this is that often the mentally challenged person is loud, has bad personal hygiene or is just generally unpleasant to sit next to. often they are also quite obese and take up a lot of space. they also may ignore when i need to exit the bus, as i often am the only one who exits at my stop. the reason i'm writing here is that someone sort of called me out on it today, as they loudly remarked to a mentally challenged person that "they could sit next to them, and people shouldn't have their bags on the empty seats. " [/INST] yta. not because you don't want to sit next to them, but because you actively take up two seats as a resolution. get. over. your. self. a nta reaction would be to stand up before this stop, and then sit wherever is a comfortable place for you. or if there are no remaining seats, stand. </s>
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WIBTA For Sucking Up To My Racist POS Grandpa To Get His Inheritance?
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my grandpa is an jerk. he has a swastika tattoo on his right shoulder. he hates my dad because 'he is not good enough for my mom', he is black and because he is a sahd. he disowned my mom for 'marrying a monkey'. the only member of the family he likes is me, because i am 'his only legitimate heir' since i am white.
i hate my grandpa. when i was younger, and he used to visit, he would always spout some anti-black, or anti-jew, or anti-mexican propaganda. he would also loudly say how much he hated my 'monkey dad'.
however he is a rich jerk. idk exactly how much money he has, but he lives like a king. since he disowned my parents, not a cent of the money found it's way to us. we are poor.
he just got diagnosed with cancer, and he will die in 9 months. i want to say 'good riddance and the world is a better place'. however, he announced that he is writing his will, and i want to be on it.
my plan is to visit him in the hospital everyday until he dies. i will listen to his stupid world views and racist comments. i will agree with him, and express my own hate (this will be a lie of course). i will talk bs about white supremacy, etc.
then i'll be in his will, and inherit a ton of money, which will pay for my college. i'll also give some to my parents.
my mom is all for it, but my is against it, saying he doesn't want me around that pos.
tell me reddit, wibta if i sucked up to my asshat grand sperm-doner to get into his will?
**
| 5,801 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/goixj8/wibta_for_sucking_up_to_my_racist_pos_grandpa_to/
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2020-05-22 13:01:28
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nta. go for it and earn some money. yeah he is a piece of crap, but it's totally worth being around him every now and then for a slice of the pie.
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i mean, yes, yta, but please be machiavellian about this. get the inheritance, don't piss it away. as a final act of revenge, donate some money to a couple of charities that help minorities in his name. doesn't even have to be a large amount.
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i don’t have a judgement on this, but i would be careful about your father’s feelings. he’s already had to put up with so much from that man, that i imagine watching his son buddy up to the guy and pretend to be racist could be pretty heart wrenching. the money isn’t worth it if it hurts some one you care about. just my thoughts.
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nta. do it, suck the money out of it, and as a final fuck give some of the money to blm and anti-racist charities/organisations
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nta. consider what he might do with the money if you tell him to eat a (black) dick. he could easily donate it to a hate group or something like that. better it should end up in your hands.
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meh, my husband did it and now, even tho he has the money, he's entirely hated by his family now.
think before you act or take.
sometimes the consequences aren't felt for years.
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yta
but in this case, that’s not such a bad thing. when it’s all said and done you should donate some of that money to the southern poverty law center or another group that could put some of that money to good use helping other minorities.
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nta. get that money and put it to good use. if you're feeling guilty, set some aside for a minority or jewish charity to piss on his memory after he dies.
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yta but f it he is a horrible human being. if you do pull this off may i suggest a donation to the naacp in his name?
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yta only because you are allowing your principles to be purchased. and good luck, i'm betting he has nothing to his name from "living like a king" and has made the "make a will" comment just so his miserable, racist ass won't be alone at the end.
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NTA
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YTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 1 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my grandpa is an jerk. he has a swastika tattoo on his right shoulder. he hates my dad because 'he is not good enough for my mom', he is black and because he is a sahd. he disowned my mom for 'marrying a monkey'. the only member of the family he likes is me, because i am 'his only legitimate heir' since i am white. i hate my grandpa. when i was younger, and he used to visit, he would always spout some anti-black, or anti-jew, or anti-mexican propaganda. he would also loudly say how much he hated my 'monkey dad'. however he is a rich jerk. idk exactly how much money he has, but he lives like a king. since he disowned my parents, not a cent of the money found it's way to us. we are poor. he just got diagnosed with cancer, and he will die in 9 months. i want to say 'good riddance and the world is a better place'. however, he announced that he is writing his will, and i want to be on it. my plan is to visit him in the hospital everyday until he dies. i will listen to his stupid world views and racist comments. i will agree with him, and express my own hate (this will be a lie of course). i will talk bs about white supremacy, etc. then i'll be in his will, and inherit a ton of money, which will pay for my college. i'll also give some to my parents. my mom is all for it, but my is against it, saying he doesn't want me around that pos. tell me reddit, wibta if i sucked up to my asshat grand sperm-doner to get into his will? **
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my grandpa is an jerk. he has a swastika tattoo on his right shoulder. he hates my dad because 'he is not good enough for my mom', he is black and because he is a sahd. he disowned my mom for 'marrying a monkey'. the only member of the family he likes is me, because i am 'his only legitimate heir' since i am white. i hate my grandpa. when i was younger, and he used to visit, he would always spout some anti-black, or anti-jew, or anti-mexican propaganda. he would also loudly say how much he hated my 'monkey dad'. however he is a rich jerk. idk exactly how much money he has, but he lives like a king. since he disowned my parents, not a cent of the money found it's way to us. we are poor. he just got diagnosed with cancer, and he will die in 9 months. i want to say 'good riddance and the world is a better place'. however, he announced that he is writing his will, and i want to be on it. my plan is to visit him in the hospital everyday until he dies. i will listen to his stupid world views and racist comments. i will agree with him, and express my own hate (this will be a lie of course). i will talk bs about white supremacy, etc. then i'll be in his will, and inherit a ton of money, which will pay for my college. i'll also give some to my parents. my mom is all for it, but my is against it, saying he doesn't want me around that pos. tell me reddit, wibta if i sucked up to my asshat grand sperm-doner to get into his will? ** [/INST] nta. go for it and earn some money. yeah he is a piece of crap, but it's totally worth being around him every now and then for a slice of the pie. </s>
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AITA for wanting to adopt my niece
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my sister has 5 kids and is pregnant with number 6. yesterday cps took the kids from her. she and her kids dad are both drug users, he beats her in front of the kids, the youngest 2 were born with cocaine in their systems.
i was going to try to adopt the youngest. i told my other sister and she told me i'm disgusting, and she never wants to talk to me again, that i'm trying to steal the baby and implied i'm trying to replace my dead daughter with my niece.
am i the asshole?
| 242 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bzm6jc/aita_for_wanting_to_adopt_my_niece/
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2019-06-12 03:32:58
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nta. those poor kids.
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nta. wish you could take them all, but at least 1 would have a fighting chance at a successful, happy life.
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nta
it's kind of you to be willing to open your home like this. but what about the other kids? i how you're not going to lose contact with them.
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info - does your family have plans for the rest of the children? can you support them?
i’m so sorry for your loss, but it would be terrible to separate the children from their siblings if alternate arrangements could be made
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nta but you clearly haven’t sought legal help. if this is the us, they would need to give up or have their parental rights terminated. that is an extreme and lengthy process to terminate the rights. even if cps takes them away it is the courts belief that it is in the best interests of the children if they can reunite them with their biological parents.
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nta- after reading a few comments and seeing how you have 3 kids yourself, the other two kids are already passed elementary age (assuming this is us), and are wanting a baby sister anyway, i think that you’re in the right because that’s literally all you can financially afford. especially in such a bad environment and already having frost in her system already... not even some of us on here.
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nta you're trying to save a life and it doesn't sound like youve given up on the other kids either. wherher or not it's 'best' to keep all siblings together, can any one household in your family suddenly take in 6 kids? probs not. it's the best you can do with a shitty hand played.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0.007141 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister has 5 kids and is pregnant with number 6. yesterday cps took the kids from her. she and her kids dad are both drug users, he beats her in front of the kids, the youngest 2 were born with cocaine in their systems. i was going to try to adopt the youngest. i told my other sister and she told me i'm disgusting, and she never wants to talk to me again, that i'm trying to steal the baby and implied i'm trying to replace my dead daughter with my niece. am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister has 5 kids and is pregnant with number 6. yesterday cps took the kids from her. she and her kids dad are both drug users, he beats her in front of the kids, the youngest 2 were born with cocaine in their systems. i was going to try to adopt the youngest. i told my other sister and she told me i'm disgusting, and she never wants to talk to me again, that i'm trying to steal the baby and implied i'm trying to replace my dead daughter with my niece. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. those poor kids. </s>
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AITA for telling my sister the world doesn’t revolve around her
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i(15f) live with my parents and sister (f17). lately my sister has been doing her classes from the kitchen and has banned me from the kitchen from 8-4 so she can focus (she has a desk in her room). i take private voice lessons every thursday at 11. she’s known this for years. today i had my lesson and in the middle of it she barged into my room and said i need to cancel my lessons because it’s distracting her (my room is right next to the kitchen and the walls are thin in this house). i told her no and that if she wants peace and quiet and no distractions to go to her room on the other side of the house and do homework there and that the world doesn’t revolve around her. she got mad at me and said i have no idea how hard it is for her to have adhd and slammed my door. so am i the asshole?
| 878 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jt16jw/aita_for_telling_my_sister_the_world_doesnt/
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2020-11-12 19:22:58
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nta. you’re right, the world doesn’t revolve around her. also, adhd doesn’t “turn off” if you’re in a kitchen...
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nta your sister sounds unreasonable. try talking to your mom about it.
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nta i think of you would do the same to your sister she would freak out. you need to follow your lessons
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info-where are your parents in all of this? why are they not intervening?
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so out of 40hours a week, she can’t find a spot to retreat to for one hour? is she getting professional help? if not, your parents need to get on that because adhd shouldn’t be controlling her life that much while not being under medical help.
nta at all but please urge your sister to get help if this is truly a manifestation of the adhd and not just her being a brat.
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nta. i have adhd and i think she’s being unreasonable. she might be working in the kitchen because something about her room is distracting to her/doesn’t allow her to focus, but there are many ways to work around adhd symptoms without asking everyone around you to significantly change their lives.
also, it’s like, 1 hour. she could have just taken the time to eat lunch and gear up for a more productive afternoon.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0.010352 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(15f) live with my parents and sister (f17). lately my sister has been doing her classes from the kitchen and has banned me from the kitchen from 8-4 so she can focus (she has a desk in her room). i take private voice lessons every thursday at 11. she’s known this for years. today i had my lesson and in the middle of it she barged into my room and said i need to cancel my lessons because it’s distracting her (my room is right next to the kitchen and the walls are thin in this house). i told her no and that if she wants peace and quiet and no distractions to go to her room on the other side of the house and do homework there and that the world doesn’t revolve around her. she got mad at me and said i have no idea how hard it is for her to have adhd and slammed my door. so am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i(15f) live with my parents and sister (f17). lately my sister has been doing her classes from the kitchen and has banned me from the kitchen from 8-4 so she can focus (she has a desk in her room). i take private voice lessons every thursday at 11. she’s known this for years. today i had my lesson and in the middle of it she barged into my room and said i need to cancel my lessons because it’s distracting her (my room is right next to the kitchen and the walls are thin in this house). i told her no and that if she wants peace and quiet and no distractions to go to her room on the other side of the house and do homework there and that the world doesn’t revolve around her. she got mad at me and said i have no idea how hard it is for her to have adhd and slammed my door. so am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. you’re right, the world doesn’t revolve around her. also, adhd doesn’t “turn off” if you’re in a kitchen... </s>
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AITA for not wanting to help watch my sisters special needs kids over night for 5 days while she goes on a cruise?
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this is a long one with plenty of small issues that build up to a bigger one.
i work full time for my sister as a special needs caretaker, both of her kids have severe autism and are the messiest most stressful children i’ve ever encountered. she booked a cruise a while ago (she invited me but i’m broke and going to be taking a full class load). since i didn’t want to go, she invited the other caretaker that works to help her kids, and i assume the caretaker is paying for her own portion of the ticket. the cruise is this november.
this november i will be neck deep in my last load of classes(online), each of which are necessary to graduate this year and infuriatingly expensive.
i will also be moving into a new home with my boyfriend right around that time. it’s the first time i’ve ever moved out officially (still living with family), so i assume i’ll be quite stressed with the change and finding a new daily normal.
if she has her way i’ll be staying with the kids 5 nights in a row and driving them to and from aba therapy which is about 65 miles round trip each day. my only time off will be the 8 hours the kids are in therapy so if i want to see my so it’ll be close to an hour drive or more to go home and see him and our pets, + he’ll be at work the hours i’ll actually be free to see him.
when she brought up this cruise at the beginning of the year i told her all of this. i told her that i’d be stressed with school and in the middle of moving. i honestly don’t want to change my work schedule for her and my coworker to take off on a tropical cruise together leaving me to deal with the kids. i could maybe do one or two nights but she needs to find another caretaker anyways. aita for standing my ground and telling her i’m not willing to do 5 nights in a row? if she doesn’t find someone else to help it either ruins my coworkers trip or my sisters, or i’ll probably sacrifice my mental health due to guilt and cave in to her request.
just a little add on, i do have caretaker burnout, i’m so ready to leave and find a better job that’s easier on my mental health, but i can’t risk finding another job right now until i can finish the 1k a month tuition bills, my savings are just too low. i’ll be gone and full on job hunting the day i graduate from college. (which she knows)
| 622 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cncatg/aita_for_not_wanting_to_help_watch_my_sisters/
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2019-08-07 21:56:58
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nta, you told her from the beginning that you would not be able to commit to 5 days. who takes their children's caretaker on a cruise and doesn't hire a backup?
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nta. she should have found someone before booking her cruise.
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nta. don’t cave in, the kids already sound like a lot of work. that coupled with school, idk how you’ll survive.
out of curiosity, do you get paid for watching the kids?
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nta carefully read back exactly what you wrote and realize how unrealistic it would be to take care of the kids while you'll be busy with everything else in your life. especially finishing the classes in order to graduate is a necessary step for a better future. it's unfortunate for your sister but there are plenty of caretakers out there that could help for such a short duration of only 5 days.
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nta - she should have figured out her childcare needs *before* booking a cruise. what she is asking is way too much of someone to do for free.
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nta
that’s a completely unrealistic request.
aside from the fact you’ve said you can’t even be paid over 40 hours/week - how in the world would even begin to balance your life around 120 straight hours of care?
it’s her job as a parent to sort out her kids’ care needs before booking a cruise. she was completely irresponsible booking her own tickets or inviting either of the two caretakers who her children do know to go with her if she’s unable to find a replacement carer.
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nta.
since she invited the other caretaker that normally splits the time with you, she should find a temporary replacement, rather than shove it all on you. you have other stuff going on, and while your sister relies on you, she should take the responsible course of action. what if you get sick while shes gone, and then there's no one to watch the kids because the other caretaker is gone too?
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nta. she should have thought about who would be having the kids before she booked the cruise. she’s ta for possibly assuming you’d do it.
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nta
your sister's children are her responsibility, not yours. it isn't your fault that your sister booked a vacation and then invited both of her children's caregivers to attend with her. you are only paid to care for the children 40 hours a week and should not care for them more than that. your sister needs to nake plans for their care.
also, this is too much for you. you need a job where you can have some emotional distance and down time. you really need a different job. as in, you should seriously consider giving notice to quit as the children's caregiver now.
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nta. your sister is taking advantage of you and she knows it. do not let her keep trampling all over you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this is a long one with plenty of small issues that build up to a bigger one. i work full time for my sister as a special needs caretaker, both of her kids have severe autism and are the messiest most stressful children i’ve ever encountered. she booked a cruise a while ago (she invited me but i’m broke and going to be taking a full class load). since i didn’t want to go, she invited the other caretaker that works to help her kids, and i assume the caretaker is paying for her own portion of the ticket. the cruise is this november. this november i will be neck deep in my last load of classes(online), each of which are necessary to graduate this year and infuriatingly expensive. i will also be moving into a new home with my boyfriend right around that time. it’s the first time i’ve ever moved out officially (still living with family), so i assume i’ll be quite stressed with the change and finding a new daily normal. if she has her way i’ll be staying with the kids 5 nights in a row and driving them to and from aba therapy which is about 65 miles round trip each day. my only time off will be the 8 hours the kids are in therapy so if i want to see my so it’ll be close to an hour drive or more to go home and see him and our pets, + he’ll be at work the hours i’ll actually be free to see him. when she brought up this cruise at the beginning of the year i told her all of this. i told her that i’d be stressed with school and in the middle of moving. i honestly don’t want to change my work schedule for her and my coworker to take off on a tropical cruise together leaving me to deal with the kids. i could maybe do one or two nights but she needs to find another caretaker anyways. aita for standing my ground and telling her i’m not willing to do 5 nights in a row? if she doesn’t find someone else to help it either ruins my coworkers trip or my sisters, or i’ll probably sacrifice my mental health due to guilt and cave in to her request. just a little add on, i do have caretaker burnout, i’m so ready to leave and find a better job that’s easier on my mental health, but i can’t risk finding another job right now until i can finish the 1k a month tuition bills, my savings are just too low. i’ll be gone and full on job hunting the day i graduate from college. (which she knows)
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this is a long one with plenty of small issues that build up to a bigger one. i work full time for my sister as a special needs caretaker, both of her kids have severe autism and are the messiest most stressful children i’ve ever encountered. she booked a cruise a while ago (she invited me but i’m broke and going to be taking a full class load). since i didn’t want to go, she invited the other caretaker that works to help her kids, and i assume the caretaker is paying for her own portion of the ticket. the cruise is this november. this november i will be neck deep in my last load of classes(online), each of which are necessary to graduate this year and infuriatingly expensive. i will also be moving into a new home with my boyfriend right around that time. it’s the first time i’ve ever moved out officially (still living with family), so i assume i’ll be quite stressed with the change and finding a new daily normal. if she has her way i’ll be staying with the kids 5 nights in a row and driving them to and from aba therapy which is about 65 miles round trip each day. my only time off will be the 8 hours the kids are in therapy so if i want to see my so it’ll be close to an hour drive or more to go home and see him and our pets, + he’ll be at work the hours i’ll actually be free to see him. when she brought up this cruise at the beginning of the year i told her all of this. i told her that i’d be stressed with school and in the middle of moving. i honestly don’t want to change my work schedule for her and my coworker to take off on a tropical cruise together leaving me to deal with the kids. i could maybe do one or two nights but she needs to find another caretaker anyways. aita for standing my ground and telling her i’m not willing to do 5 nights in a row? if she doesn’t find someone else to help it either ruins my coworkers trip or my sisters, or i’ll probably sacrifice my mental health due to guilt and cave in to her request. just a little add on, i do have caretaker burnout, i’m so ready to leave and find a better job that’s easier on my mental health, but i can’t risk finding another job right now until i can finish the 1k a month tuition bills, my savings are just too low. i’ll be gone and full on job hunting the day i graduate from college. (which she knows) [/INST] nta, you told her from the beginning that you would not be able to commit to 5 days. who takes their children's caretaker on a cruise and doesn't hire a backup? </s>
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AITA for installing cameras without telling my housemates?
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i (f20) live in a shared house with 3 other girls. i will call them sara, kate, and zoe. kate is friends with zoe, the rest of us aren't really friends. whilst i'm on ok terms with sara and zoe, i've never really liked kate.
we have a shared fridge, where we have a shelf for each of our stuff. i have noticed that my food and milk constantly goes missing. i see multiple times a week that a large portion of my food and milk is gone. it's unbelievably frustrating, and also very time- consuming and expensive having to buy/cook new food.
i always believed it was kate because
1.) she is awake late in the night (1-4am). i am asleep then, and i tend to notice my stuff missing in the morning
2.) i have asked all of them about it. sara and zoe both deny taking my stuff, but kate gets all defensive and says i shouldn't accuse her when i have no proof
i was complaining about it to my friend, and he said he was in a similar situation and he got a fridge camera. i thought this was a great idea. i got one, placed it discreetly inside the fridge, and decided to wait a week.
sure enough, it was kate, raiding my food daily. i confronted her about it, because now i had proof. i showed her the footage, told her to never do it again, and that she should repay me for what she took.
she went apeshit. she said how dare i put a camera in the shared kitchen without asking the others first, and how it's so invasive to record others in their own home.i explained the camera only recorded the inside of the fridge, not the whole kitchen, but she didn't care.
she has since said she'll never be able to feel safe in her own home again. zoe has sided with her and they're both calling me an ah and saying i should've asked everyone first, even though this would've defeated the whole purpose. i said none of this would've happened if kate hadn't been stealing my food and lying about it. sara has taken my side, so it's pretty tense in the house atm.
aita?
| 17,123 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rvxfpb/aita_for_installing_cameras_without_telling_my/
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2022-01-04 15:49:06
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nta
kate: "how dare you procure evidence of my stealing to back off your charges? this is an outrage!!"
do not apologize. you should insist \[to\] the other roommates that kate should apologize and pay \[you\] back or move out.
\[great advice from u/piemanthe3rd [below](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/rvxfpb/comment/hr8x65z/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
\[
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nta, this is normal behaviour for someone caught doing something wrong by trying to deflect.
from your point of view, all the other house mates denied it, so either one was lying or there was an intruder coming in, which is a real reason not to feel safe in your own home.
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nta - she said not to accuse her without proof - you got the proof she demanded.
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eh, kinda going with esh.
kate, for stealing your food, for sure. ah slam dunk there.
on the other hand, i don't think you can place a camera in someone's home without their knowledge and expect them to be chill about it.
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[deleted]
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esh. telling them about the camera would have only defeated the point if your goal were the catch the thief. if your goal were to stop the thefts, it would have worked well.
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esh you for secretly filming people in their own home without their knowledge or consent. it is creepy, immoral and (depending on where you live) potentially illegal whatever your intentions. she is ta for stealing your food
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esh
yes she’s stealing your food, but you also violated all of your roommates’ privacy. you could have told them you were putting cameras up to see what’s happening to your food, and that likely would’ve been enough to stop kate.
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sorry but esh. i know not a popular opinion but hear me out.
yeah, she was stealing and got caught and she's an ah for that, but the question here is for installing cameras without telling.
you live with all girls, it is 100% probable that several of you walk around not fully dressed, especially at times no one else is around or everyone is asleep. that camera, while in the fridge, could still catch people in states of undress.
maybe i'm sensitive to it because i had an ex secretly record me and then try to blackmail with it (still in therapy), but you don't film someone in their own home without telling them. you just don't.
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nta. it was only in the fridge and got her the proof she needed that kate said she needed before accusing her. maybe kate will think twice before stealing peoples food.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| null |
ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.517608 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f20) live in a shared house with 3 other girls. i will call them sara, kate, and zoe. kate is friends with zoe, the rest of us aren't really friends. whilst i'm on ok terms with sara and zoe, i've never really liked kate. we have a shared fridge, where we have a shelf for each of our stuff. i have noticed that my food and milk constantly goes missing. i see multiple times a week that a large portion of my food and milk is gone. it's unbelievably frustrating, and also very time- consuming and expensive having to buy/cook new food. i always believed it was kate because 1.) she is awake late in the night (1-4am). i am asleep then, and i tend to notice my stuff missing in the morning 2.) i have asked all of them about it. sara and zoe both deny taking my stuff, but kate gets all defensive and says i shouldn't accuse her when i have no proof i was complaining about it to my friend, and he said he was in a similar situation and he got a fridge camera. i thought this was a great idea. i got one, placed it discreetly inside the fridge, and decided to wait a week. sure enough, it was kate, raiding my food daily. i confronted her about it, because now i had proof. i showed her the footage, told her to never do it again, and that she should repay me for what she took. she went apeshit. she said how dare i put a camera in the shared kitchen without asking the others first, and how it's so invasive to record others in their own home.i explained the camera only recorded the inside of the fridge, not the whole kitchen, but she didn't care. she has since said she'll never be able to feel safe in her own home again. zoe has sided with her and they're both calling me an ah and saying i should've asked everyone first, even though this would've defeated the whole purpose. i said none of this would've happened if kate hadn't been stealing my food and lying about it. sara has taken my side, so it's pretty tense in the house atm. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (f20) live in a shared house with 3 other girls. i will call them sara, kate, and zoe. kate is friends with zoe, the rest of us aren't really friends. whilst i'm on ok terms with sara and zoe, i've never really liked kate. we have a shared fridge, where we have a shelf for each of our stuff. i have noticed that my food and milk constantly goes missing. i see multiple times a week that a large portion of my food and milk is gone. it's unbelievably frustrating, and also very time- consuming and expensive having to buy/cook new food. i always believed it was kate because 1.) she is awake late in the night (1-4am). i am asleep then, and i tend to notice my stuff missing in the morning 2.) i have asked all of them about it. sara and zoe both deny taking my stuff, but kate gets all defensive and says i shouldn't accuse her when i have no proof i was complaining about it to my friend, and he said he was in a similar situation and he got a fridge camera. i thought this was a great idea. i got one, placed it discreetly inside the fridge, and decided to wait a week. sure enough, it was kate, raiding my food daily. i confronted her about it, because now i had proof. i showed her the footage, told her to never do it again, and that she should repay me for what she took. she went apeshit. she said how dare i put a camera in the shared kitchen without asking the others first, and how it's so invasive to record others in their own home.i explained the camera only recorded the inside of the fridge, not the whole kitchen, but she didn't care. she has since said she'll never be able to feel safe in her own home again. zoe has sided with her and they're both calling me an ah and saying i should've asked everyone first, even though this would've defeated the whole purpose. i said none of this would've happened if kate hadn't been stealing my food and lying about it. sara has taken my side, so it's pretty tense in the house atm. aita? [/INST] nta kate: "how dare you procure evidence of my stealing to back off your charges? this is an outrage!!" do not apologize. you should insist \[to\] the other roommates that kate should apologize and pay \[you\] back or move out. \[great advice from u/piemanthe3rd [below](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/rvxfpb/comment/hr8x65z/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \[ </s>
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AITA for not letting my grandparents hold my newborn daughter because they wont get a flu shot despite no one else having the flu shot
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ok so first off i know this makes me sound bad but basically my daughter is due in under 2 weeks, me and my partner decided to ask everyone to get flu shots if they want to hold or kiss or cuddle my daughter.
everyone agreed apart from my grandparents.
but since then we've found out there is a shortage of flu shots and 99% of our families cant get them done until after shes here. in my point of my view they've respected my wishes and as long as they wash their hands and watch for symptoms etc they can hold her, im not ever going to force anyone to get a vaccine but the rest of my family agreed and made the effort to aleast book it in for when shes here while my grandparents straight up refused.
my mum thinks im being an asshole because they could just wash their hands and make sure they don't have a cold or flu symptoms etc like everyone else but i dont think thats the point, i laid out the rules and whether there is a flu vaccine shortage or not they didnt want to hold my daughter enough to get this flu vaccine so they still shouldn't be able to even if no one else has the vaccine yet, aita?
| 168 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dgxmwp/aita_for_not_letting_my_grandparents_hold_my/
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2019-10-12 16:49:46
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yta. you are more interested in winning than in your daughter's safety. if it's really about the flu shot, it doesn't matter why someone isn't vaccinated, but you're willing to put her at risk now. you said it's because they wont follow your rules.
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what a strange hill to die on. i get saying no to the grandparents, but why is it ok for everyone else now that there's a shortage?
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yta- i think you should definitely stick with the rule but it should apply to everyone, even those that have tried but couldn’t. it’s about your babies health and safety not the other people.
if this scenario is based on babies health then no one that isn’t vaccinated can hold them, if it’s about being petty then everyone else can and not your grandparents.
also please don’t let anyone kiss your baby. they can get so sick - google may help explaining that
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so you are just supremely petty?
of course yta
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yta. you're going to let unvaccinated people hold your baby, but not grandparents because they didn't listen to you. it has nothing to do with them not being vaccinated, it's because they didn't do as you commanded. you're using your child as a weapon in your petty little war.
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yta only because you're allowing some people to be in contact with her. if you are going to say no to some people because they haven't gotten the flu shot, then you should say no to everyone who doesn't get it.
where are you that there is a shortage of the flu shot already? that doesn't usually happen until later in the year.
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yta most kids get the flu from their parents, siblings or the doctor's office. if you simply require that they wash their hands and not come if there is any chance they are not feeling well, i think you would be reasonable. if you insist on the vaccination thing involving the flu specifically, then they have a right to consider you an asshole.
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yta.. stop the power trip. washing hands and no symptoms should be sufficient. a face mask would be a potential compromise if your that worried.
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yta
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yta - if they aren’t sick and wash their hands, what’s the problem? your ego is getting the best of you here. maybe they didn’t like how you asked them originally. i wouldn’t be surprised based on how you’re responding here.
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok so first off i know this makes me sound bad but basically my daughter is due in under 2 weeks, me and my partner decided to ask everyone to get flu shots if they want to hold or kiss or cuddle my daughter. everyone agreed apart from my grandparents. but since then we've found out there is a shortage of flu shots and 99% of our families cant get them done until after shes here. in my point of my view they've respected my wishes and as long as they wash their hands and watch for symptoms etc they can hold her, im not ever going to force anyone to get a vaccine but the rest of my family agreed and made the effort to aleast book it in for when shes here while my grandparents straight up refused. my mum thinks im being an asshole because they could just wash their hands and make sure they don't have a cold or flu symptoms etc like everyone else but i dont think thats the point, i laid out the rules and whether there is a flu vaccine shortage or not they didnt want to hold my daughter enough to get this flu vaccine so they still shouldn't be able to even if no one else has the vaccine yet, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ok so first off i know this makes me sound bad but basically my daughter is due in under 2 weeks, me and my partner decided to ask everyone to get flu shots if they want to hold or kiss or cuddle my daughter. everyone agreed apart from my grandparents. but since then we've found out there is a shortage of flu shots and 99% of our families cant get them done until after shes here. in my point of my view they've respected my wishes and as long as they wash their hands and watch for symptoms etc they can hold her, im not ever going to force anyone to get a vaccine but the rest of my family agreed and made the effort to aleast book it in for when shes here while my grandparents straight up refused. my mum thinks im being an asshole because they could just wash their hands and make sure they don't have a cold or flu symptoms etc like everyone else but i dont think thats the point, i laid out the rules and whether there is a flu vaccine shortage or not they didnt want to hold my daughter enough to get this flu vaccine so they still shouldn't be able to even if no one else has the vaccine yet, aita? [/INST] yta. you are more interested in winning than in your daughter's safety. if it's really about the flu shot, it doesn't matter why someone isn't vaccinated, but you're willing to put her at risk now. you said it's because they wont follow your rules. </s>
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AITA for shouting at my mum after embarrassing me and not caring about my education
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i (15f) live with my mum (29f), her useless boyfriend (t 25m) and younger half siblings (j 11m, l 9m, z 4f, b 1f). i'm in year 10 and doing the first year of my gcses. one of my teachers has put me forward for a scholarship to do my a levels at a prestigious local private school, which depends on my gcse results in 2022.
my family is like a stereotypical council house family, the 5 of us have 4 different dads and i was born when my mum was just 14. i love my mum and appreciate how hard she tries to give us a good life, but i want better for myself and now i have this opportunity that will give me a leg up to a good university, i want to get it. i hope to be a paediatrician so i need top grades and work really hard for it.
i normally do my work in the family room so i can help j & l but when we have to be on camera i go into my bedroom for privacy. today i was in my online biology class, on camera, in my room with the door closed. my mum barged in only wearing underwear and handed b to me, telling me to keep the door open and keep an eye on my other siblings so she can take a shower before work. my whole class saw this and were all laughing. my teacher then asked me for a private call after the lesson, where she said i can't look after a baby and concentrate, and said if she saw it again she'd have to speak to the family liaison officer at school.
the school day was finished after this, so i went to give b back to my mum so i could go and start my homework and help my brothers with theirs, and also said to her that it was really embarrassing for her to come on camera undressed during my lesson and told her what my teacher said. she laughed it off and then told me to keep looking after b so she could get ready. meanwhile t was sleeping all day.
i put b on her bed by t and told her i need to do my work, i'd not absorbed some of the lesson because of b and biology is probably the most important subject for my future career, and she just laughed again. i started shouting "i'm not killing my chances of getting somewhere in life just because you couldn't use a condom and i'm not a free babysitter/teacher, get t to look after his own daughter" and then took my homework to my room and didn't help j or l.
she left for work and texted me saying if i'm acting like a stuck up bitch now she doesn't want me to go to that posh school, and she was always so proud of how helpful i was but now i'm getting a nasty attitude and i don't care about my family. so now i'm wondering if i went too far but after the embarrassment and then laughing at me and expecting me to watch the kids she popped out i think i have a right to be mad.
| 754 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l79shy/aita_for_shouting_at_my_mum_after_embarrassing_me/
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2021-01-28 21:42:56
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nta, this is parentification, i would speak to your teacher about getting contact information of people who could help you
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nta, keep working towards your goals as much as you can. perhaps it wouldn't be a bad idea for your teacher to contact the family officer liaison? just keep working hard and try to get into student housing once you start college, perhaps research scholarships you can apply too. there is no maximum you're allowed to apply to and sometimes they can cover some of your living costs too if they choose you.
you were completely right. it's not your job to be a babysitter or tutor for your younger siblings. there should be nothing expected of you on that front in general but especially not if t is right there too.
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nta. talk to your teachers and look into legal emancipation. it's not your job or responsibility to solve your mother's problems, nor enable her poor life decisions.
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>and she was always so proud of how helpful i was but now i'm getting a nasty attitude and i don't care about my family.
ahem, let me translate: she's been taking advantage of how helpful you are and parentifying you while her useless bf opts out of his parenting duties, and now she's mad that you're old enough to actually want things for yourself out of life and are pushing back. she's also irritated that you have opportunities she's never going to get, and that you choosing a different path from her is a disparagement of her life choices.
nta, you told her the truth and the truth hurts. your education should be your #1 priority, and next time she hands you the baby during class time, go dump the kid on her lazy father and go back to what you're supposed to be doing. if either he or your mother get upset, then absolutely don't be afraid to talk to your teacher and get the family liaison involved if you have to.
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nta
can you talk to your teacher and ask for the officer to come to your house and have a conversation with your mom. she does not seem to get what remote learning is.
i got to be honest, yelling is always an asshole move. but here, jeez, sorry you have to go through that.
good luck!!!
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nta, children are not free childcare staff for their irresponsible parents. you need to talk to a responsible adult about getting you into a situation where your future won't be ruined by idiots.
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nta in my opinion, you shouldn’t be used like that especially when you need to be focusing on your education.
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nta
your mother still has the emotional age of a child. as she became a parent at such a young age, she does not understand the importance you are placing on getting your education and not ending up like her with 5 children before the age of 30. i must say, i think she is more than likely envious of you and you wanting to do better and not be in the same situation. she hurt your feelings and really doesn't care.
your mother has had 5 children in 15 years. 2 of you by the age of 18. she appears to not have any idea of what your goals are and that you want to do better. that is a shame. she should be your champion. not trying to stop you from getting a better education.
keep working on your grades and continue to strive for more instead of becoming like her. concentrate on your goals and doing better. that is your priority.
you have every right to be upset. if it were possible, i hope you can go live somewhere else. unfortunately, i don't think your mother will willingly let you go. more than likely you would have to be removed and that may mean all of your are removed. that could be for the best.
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nta, your mom treats you like a babysitter or something and i'm guessing without pay. not your fault that your mom is immature and unable to prioritize what's important. if the family liaison officer is what i think it is, give your mom an ultimatum, make t pitch in or *you* go to the liaison on your volition to notify them about an unstable home life.
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nta. i am so sorry this is happening to you. you are very mature for keeping your eye on the prize and striving for your end goal.
having someone official talk to your mum is a good start. do you have any other family you could stay with while school is in session?
all the best. xxx
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (15f) live with my mum (29f), her useless boyfriend (t 25m) and younger half siblings (j 11m, l 9m, z 4f, b 1f). i'm in year 10 and doing the first year of my gcses. one of my teachers has put me forward for a scholarship to do my a levels at a prestigious local private school, which depends on my gcse results in 2022. my family is like a stereotypical council house family, the 5 of us have 4 different dads and i was born when my mum was just 14. i love my mum and appreciate how hard she tries to give us a good life, but i want better for myself and now i have this opportunity that will give me a leg up to a good university, i want to get it. i hope to be a paediatrician so i need top grades and work really hard for it. i normally do my work in the family room so i can help j & l but when we have to be on camera i go into my bedroom for privacy. today i was in my online biology class, on camera, in my room with the door closed. my mum barged in only wearing underwear and handed b to me, telling me to keep the door open and keep an eye on my other siblings so she can take a shower before work. my whole class saw this and were all laughing. my teacher then asked me for a private call after the lesson, where she said i can't look after a baby and concentrate, and said if she saw it again she'd have to speak to the family liaison officer at school. the school day was finished after this, so i went to give b back to my mum so i could go and start my homework and help my brothers with theirs, and also said to her that it was really embarrassing for her to come on camera undressed during my lesson and told her what my teacher said. she laughed it off and then told me to keep looking after b so she could get ready. meanwhile t was sleeping all day. i put b on her bed by t and told her i need to do my work, i'd not absorbed some of the lesson because of b and biology is probably the most important subject for my future career, and she just laughed again. i started shouting "i'm not killing my chances of getting somewhere in life just because you couldn't use a condom and i'm not a free babysitter/teacher, get t to look after his own daughter" and then took my homework to my room and didn't help j or l. she left for work and texted me saying if i'm acting like a stuck up bitch now she doesn't want me to go to that posh school, and she was always so proud of how helpful i was but now i'm getting a nasty attitude and i don't care about my family. so now i'm wondering if i went too far but after the embarrassment and then laughing at me and expecting me to watch the kids she popped out i think i have a right to be mad.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (15f) live with my mum (29f), her useless boyfriend (t 25m) and younger half siblings (j 11m, l 9m, z 4f, b 1f). i'm in year 10 and doing the first year of my gcses. one of my teachers has put me forward for a scholarship to do my a levels at a prestigious local private school, which depends on my gcse results in 2022. my family is like a stereotypical council house family, the 5 of us have 4 different dads and i was born when my mum was just 14. i love my mum and appreciate how hard she tries to give us a good life, but i want better for myself and now i have this opportunity that will give me a leg up to a good university, i want to get it. i hope to be a paediatrician so i need top grades and work really hard for it. i normally do my work in the family room so i can help j & l but when we have to be on camera i go into my bedroom for privacy. today i was in my online biology class, on camera, in my room with the door closed. my mum barged in only wearing underwear and handed b to me, telling me to keep the door open and keep an eye on my other siblings so she can take a shower before work. my whole class saw this and were all laughing. my teacher then asked me for a private call after the lesson, where she said i can't look after a baby and concentrate, and said if she saw it again she'd have to speak to the family liaison officer at school. the school day was finished after this, so i went to give b back to my mum so i could go and start my homework and help my brothers with theirs, and also said to her that it was really embarrassing for her to come on camera undressed during my lesson and told her what my teacher said. she laughed it off and then told me to keep looking after b so she could get ready. meanwhile t was sleeping all day. i put b on her bed by t and told her i need to do my work, i'd not absorbed some of the lesson because of b and biology is probably the most important subject for my future career, and she just laughed again. i started shouting "i'm not killing my chances of getting somewhere in life just because you couldn't use a condom and i'm not a free babysitter/teacher, get t to look after his own daughter" and then took my homework to my room and didn't help j or l. she left for work and texted me saying if i'm acting like a stuck up bitch now she doesn't want me to go to that posh school, and she was always so proud of how helpful i was but now i'm getting a nasty attitude and i don't care about my family. so now i'm wondering if i went too far but after the embarrassment and then laughing at me and expecting me to watch the kids she popped out i think i have a right to be mad. [/INST] nta, this is parentification, i would speak to your teacher about getting contact information of people who could help you </s>
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AITA for allowing my step dad to pay my college tuition and hiding it from my mom
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my mom (38f) had me(23f) from a very young age and my bio dad (38m) mostly didn't want anything to do with me, so i never had a father figure in my life. i was mostly raised by my mom and grandparents.
things changed when my mom married my step dad (37m) in 2006 and he became my father, unfortunately they got divorced in 2012 and the divorce was bad my step dad is very wealthy and my mom signed a prenup before they got married so she got nothing in the divorce, not even alimony and she lost custody of my siblings 11m and 9m( she was hoping to keep them so she could live off a large sum of child support), after the divorce my mom took some petty revenge on my step dad and he was banned from seeing me( he never adopted me because my bio dad refused) . my mom and i moved in with my grandparents, i was told to never contact my step dad again, i wasn't even allowed to say "hi" when he drop off my brother's for visits, i was to accept no gifts or money from him or to speak with him. i did however manage to stay in touch via social media and i hid this from my mom because she wouldn't allow us to have contact( she wanted to punish my step dad by banning him from seeing his daughter)
when i graduated from high school i wanted to go to med school and study to become a surgeon i got accepted to a prestigious school but i didn't get a scholarship so my mom couldn't afford to pay. i asked my step dad if he could pay for me and he agreed, i knew my mom wouldn't approve( she would rather i didn't go to med school than ask my step dad), so i lied and said i got i scholarship which paid for everything fees, housing, transport, food etc. i went to med school i never told my mom who is paying. my step dad and i were even able to see each other since was in a different city.
she recently found out after 5 years it was my step dad paying and she went mental saying i went against her wishes, i disrespected her, i chose a man who i wasn't biologically related to me over family. she kicked me out of the house and most of my family is calling me and sending me texts calling me an asshole.
so reddit aita
| 2,726 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hdoogm/aita_for_allowing_my_step_dad_to_pay_my_college/
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2020-06-22 08:53:58
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nta. the money is not really the issue, other than she’s bitter about her not getting hers after the split. the real issue is the relationship (
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nta. your mother is clearly in the wrong here.
using a person to harm another out of spite is generally not a very nice thing to do,
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nta, and i dont know what kind of controlling crap she's feeling with.
did you know adults can get adopted? if you two wanted, and especially if you pushed for the idea, you could become officially adopted now that your consent supersedes whatever legal bs she pushed on the both of you when you were a child.
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nta - cut off your mom and her toxic behaviour and focus on a relationship with your ex step-dad. he sounds considerably nicer, less manipulative and more caring.
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nta i'm sorry you had to live under such a toxic mum like that. she obviously felt that having the one up on your stepdad was better than your well being. she is as selfish as they come. did she do anything else like this whilst you were there?
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nta and i am quite impressed by what you did.
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nta. how is that even a question? your mother was sabotaging your future because she was bitter and wanted to hurt her ex. she needs to get over herself and learn to behave like an adult.
i also want to say that your former stepdad sounds like a really great person. i don't think there are many guys who would do that for a stepdaughter they've had virtually no contact with for years. it speaks really well of him that he could separate his feelings for you from your mother's horrid behaviour. maybe cut off your mother and get to know your half-siblings a bit better?
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nta- your mum was petty and vindictive. biology doesn't make a parent
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nta. she can't have money, so you can't have a relation with the man who was your dad during 6 years ? she can go pound sand.
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nta. your step-dad had become your dad. it didn’t matter if you were related by blood or not. he sounds lovely, patient, and supportive, as a father should be.
your mom is ta. a child should never be used as a form of punishment. she took away your dad and siblings from you, made you changed schools, and tried to take away your future education all out of spite. she would preferred you got into lifelong debt then have a relationship with your dad. all her decisions are based on what she wants and needs. she doesn’t care about you. you will always come second. she’s manipulative, entitled, and selfish.
seriously consider:
1. blocking or at least limiting contact with her. set boundaries that she can’t manipulate or guilt you into what she wants, and she can’t be emotionally abusive if she wants to stay in your life.
2. continue to build a relationship with your dad and siblings. be open about it. sounds like they’re your true family.
3. block anyone who supports your mom’s abuse and manipulation.
4. get a therapist to help cope with the above. your mom is very difficult and she will make it hard to set up boundaries because of how entitled she is. a therapist will help you set up the boundaries and cope with the years of abuse she put you through.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mom (38f) had me(23f) from a very young age and my bio dad (38m) mostly didn't want anything to do with me, so i never had a father figure in my life. i was mostly raised by my mom and grandparents. things changed when my mom married my step dad (37m) in 2006 and he became my father, unfortunately they got divorced in 2012 and the divorce was bad my step dad is very wealthy and my mom signed a prenup before they got married so she got nothing in the divorce, not even alimony and she lost custody of my siblings 11m and 9m( she was hoping to keep them so she could live off a large sum of child support), after the divorce my mom took some petty revenge on my step dad and he was banned from seeing me( he never adopted me because my bio dad refused) . my mom and i moved in with my grandparents, i was told to never contact my step dad again, i wasn't even allowed to say "hi" when he drop off my brother's for visits, i was to accept no gifts or money from him or to speak with him. i did however manage to stay in touch via social media and i hid this from my mom because she wouldn't allow us to have contact( she wanted to punish my step dad by banning him from seeing his daughter) when i graduated from high school i wanted to go to med school and study to become a surgeon i got accepted to a prestigious school but i didn't get a scholarship so my mom couldn't afford to pay. i asked my step dad if he could pay for me and he agreed, i knew my mom wouldn't approve( she would rather i didn't go to med school than ask my step dad), so i lied and said i got i scholarship which paid for everything fees, housing, transport, food etc. i went to med school i never told my mom who is paying. my step dad and i were even able to see each other since was in a different city. she recently found out after 5 years it was my step dad paying and she went mental saying i went against her wishes, i disrespected her, i chose a man who i wasn't biologically related to me over family. she kicked me out of the house and most of my family is calling me and sending me texts calling me an asshole. so reddit aita
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my mom (38f) had me(23f) from a very young age and my bio dad (38m) mostly didn't want anything to do with me, so i never had a father figure in my life. i was mostly raised by my mom and grandparents. things changed when my mom married my step dad (37m) in 2006 and he became my father, unfortunately they got divorced in 2012 and the divorce was bad my step dad is very wealthy and my mom signed a prenup before they got married so she got nothing in the divorce, not even alimony and she lost custody of my siblings 11m and 9m( she was hoping to keep them so she could live off a large sum of child support), after the divorce my mom took some petty revenge on my step dad and he was banned from seeing me( he never adopted me because my bio dad refused) . my mom and i moved in with my grandparents, i was told to never contact my step dad again, i wasn't even allowed to say "hi" when he drop off my brother's for visits, i was to accept no gifts or money from him or to speak with him. i did however manage to stay in touch via social media and i hid this from my mom because she wouldn't allow us to have contact( she wanted to punish my step dad by banning him from seeing his daughter) when i graduated from high school i wanted to go to med school and study to become a surgeon i got accepted to a prestigious school but i didn't get a scholarship so my mom couldn't afford to pay. i asked my step dad if he could pay for me and he agreed, i knew my mom wouldn't approve( she would rather i didn't go to med school than ask my step dad), so i lied and said i got i scholarship which paid for everything fees, housing, transport, food etc. i went to med school i never told my mom who is paying. my step dad and i were even able to see each other since was in a different city. she recently found out after 5 years it was my step dad paying and she went mental saying i went against her wishes, i disrespected her, i chose a man who i wasn't biologically related to me over family. she kicked me out of the house and most of my family is calling me and sending me texts calling me an asshole. so reddit aita [/INST] nta. the money is not really the issue, other than she’s bitter about her not getting hers after the split. the real issue is the relationship ( </s>
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AITA for not carding a senior citizen?
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i had this interaction at my workplace and needed some perspective.
i work at a grocery store that sells alcohol. our policy, which is in line with state law, is that we card everyone who isn’t “obviously of age” (think 60+, grey hair and such). so a woman came through my line, she was probably about 65 or so, completely grey hair, defined wrinkles and so on. she was buying, among other things, a 6 pack of beer. i rang it through but didn’t ask for id because i didn’t need one to know that she was over 21. she pays happily and i thought she walked off, but she actually just went and stood a ways off to the side. i start to ring up the next customer, who was about 30-35 and was also purchasing alcohol. i asked for his id, and at this point the woman comes up to me and says “excuse me! you forgot to charge me for my beer!”. i thought maybe i had forgotten to charge for it somehow, and she was just being a good citizen. so i looked at her receipt and pointed out that the beer was on it, and said that she was all set. she replied, “there’s no way you could have charged me for the beer, because you would have needed to see my id, because obviously you’re carding everyone (gesturing to current customer). and so since you didn’t ask for id obviously you didn’t charge me.”
i was very confused by this, and i reminded her that the beer was shown on her receipt, to which she responses, in all seriousness, “well i’m so happy you decided to not charge me for it! cause i sure would have been offended if you did and didn’t ask for my id!”
at this point i just stared blankly at her and the other customer was clearly containing laughter. i think she realized she wasn’t going to get anywhere so she says “i’m just kidding! i’m kidding! you have a good day!” and runs off. there was nothing in her tone previously to suggest that she was joking, so i have to ask, aita for offending an elderly woman by not carding her?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sqiq6b/aita_for_not_carding_a_senior_citizen/
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2022-02-12 04:21:18
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nta. this woman was behaving ridiculously. you did nothing wrong. you should’ve told her you didn’t need to id her since you gave her the senior citizen discount.
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nta as an elderly woman myself, i can tell you there is nothing insulting about failing to check the id of an obviously older person. no 65yo looks under 21 and we all know it.
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nta. my father is in his 70s and gets gassed when he gets id’d and i have to hear about. so no you spared somebody somewhere for having to her how hype she was that she got carded in her 60s.
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nta. it isn't your job to give her an ego boost. she's ridiculous.
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nta.
i know i’m old. when someone cards me now, i repeat a line i heard a comedian say years ago.
“look in my eyes. do you see any hope left?”
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nta
she was looking for an excuse to be upset. if you had said "well you are obviously over 21 so i didn't card you." she would have demanded a manager because you are being rude and saying she looks old. if you had said "i must have forgotten to card you. could i please see you id." she would have demanded to see you manager because you weren't doing you job right. by remaining silent you made her justify why she was upset out loud, which is why she got embarrassed and left. you are not ta and she probably would have caused a scene no matter what you did.
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nta! i am 51. i do not look like i'm 21 or under. i am annoyed when someone does ask for my id, because it is obvious that i'm old enough to buy alcohol. it is such a pain in the a$$ to get it out of my wallet. i prefer when someone doesn't ask, because reality is . ... i'm old. there. i said it. and so is she! she's being the butthole, so don't worry about it.
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nta. the woman was just off. i'm obviously older and i'm happy not to waste time being carded.
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i had this interaction at my workplace and needed some perspective. i work at a grocery store that sells alcohol. our policy, which is in line with state law, is that we card everyone who isn’t “obviously of age” (think 60+, grey hair and such). so a woman came through my line, she was probably about 65 or so, completely grey hair, defined wrinkles and so on. she was buying, among other things, a 6 pack of beer. i rang it through but didn’t ask for id because i didn’t need one to know that she was over 21. she pays happily and i thought she walked off, but she actually just went and stood a ways off to the side. i start to ring up the next customer, who was about 30-35 and was also purchasing alcohol. i asked for his id, and at this point the woman comes up to me and says “excuse me! you forgot to charge me for my beer!”. i thought maybe i had forgotten to charge for it somehow, and she was just being a good citizen. so i looked at her receipt and pointed out that the beer was on it, and said that she was all set. she replied, “there’s no way you could have charged me for the beer, because you would have needed to see my id, because obviously you’re carding everyone (gesturing to current customer). and so since you didn’t ask for id obviously you didn’t charge me.” i was very confused by this, and i reminded her that the beer was shown on her receipt, to which she responses, in all seriousness, “well i’m so happy you decided to not charge me for it! cause i sure would have been offended if you did and didn’t ask for my id!” at this point i just stared blankly at her and the other customer was clearly containing laughter. i think she realized she wasn’t going to get anywhere so she says “i’m just kidding! i’m kidding! you have a good day!” and runs off. there was nothing in her tone previously to suggest that she was joking, so i have to ask, aita for offending an elderly woman by not carding her?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i had this interaction at my workplace and needed some perspective. i work at a grocery store that sells alcohol. our policy, which is in line with state law, is that we card everyone who isn’t “obviously of age” (think 60+, grey hair and such). so a woman came through my line, she was probably about 65 or so, completely grey hair, defined wrinkles and so on. she was buying, among other things, a 6 pack of beer. i rang it through but didn’t ask for id because i didn’t need one to know that she was over 21. she pays happily and i thought she walked off, but she actually just went and stood a ways off to the side. i start to ring up the next customer, who was about 30-35 and was also purchasing alcohol. i asked for his id, and at this point the woman comes up to me and says “excuse me! you forgot to charge me for my beer!”. i thought maybe i had forgotten to charge for it somehow, and she was just being a good citizen. so i looked at her receipt and pointed out that the beer was on it, and said that she was all set. she replied, “there’s no way you could have charged me for the beer, because you would have needed to see my id, because obviously you’re carding everyone (gesturing to current customer). and so since you didn’t ask for id obviously you didn’t charge me.” i was very confused by this, and i reminded her that the beer was shown on her receipt, to which she responses, in all seriousness, “well i’m so happy you decided to not charge me for it! cause i sure would have been offended if you did and didn’t ask for my id!” at this point i just stared blankly at her and the other customer was clearly containing laughter. i think she realized she wasn’t going to get anywhere so she says “i’m just kidding! i’m kidding! you have a good day!” and runs off. there was nothing in her tone previously to suggest that she was joking, so i have to ask, aita for offending an elderly woman by not carding her? [/INST] nta. this woman was behaving ridiculously. you did nothing wrong. you should’ve told her you didn’t need to id her since you gave her the senior citizen discount. </s>
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AITA for letting a teenage boy spend the night in jail before dropping the charges?
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hello reddit.
so i feel like i am always posting here, and here is my latest ask.
when i moved cities a few months ago i rented an apartment on a monthly contract while looking for another one to buy.
a couple months in the owner told me that she will be putting it on the market so she will be needing my schedule to arrange showings.
i offered to buy it and not even 2 weeks later i was the owner of my own apartment.
i live in the second floor, the first floor is owned by a family (father, mother and two teen boys). the ground floor is two garages for cars, one for each owner. and finally the roof is split into two roofs with a 8ft wall and separate doors off of the landing.
when i bought my house i wanted to redo the kitchen and bathroom, so i took some cookies and knocked on my neighbours house to ask for their schedule. i didn't want to do work while they were at home to avoid bothering them.
that day i was in my balcony and heard the husband complaining about me buying the apartment, apparently they were planning to do so but i beat them to it.
now fast foreward a couple of months, and i have turned my roof into a garden, with raised beds for my veggies, pots for flowers, some garden furniture and an area with some wooden outside tiles.
while coming out one day i met my neighbour and she asked to see the garden with her sons, i showed it off and thought that was the end of it.
that is untill i started noticing how some of my flowers were cut, the furniture was moved...etc.
so i installed a camera and saw that her sons jump over the dividing wall along with some friends and spend their time there.
i told the parents, and asked them to tell their kids to stop, that most of the time i am not at home and if something happened there is no way to open the door to help them (metal door with a huge padlock)
they said ok but the kids continued to do so, they even started destroying my plants for telling on them.
so i gave their mother an ultimatum, they either stop or i will be calling the police. she scoffed and called me an entitled bitch.
the next time i got an alert on my phone i called the cops and said someone broke into my rooftop garden. they came pretty fast and only one kid managed to escape, the other was caught red handed and taken to the precinct.
their father almost broke my door and started screaming at me to come and drop the charges. i just threatened to call the police on him as well and went to bed. this morning i went to the precinct and dropped the charges so he spent the night in their jail with, according to his mom, drug dealers and thugs.
i was so sure of my decision, that i was teaching him the consequences of his actions. but my mom said that i was too harsh, she said that i punished the parents not that i taught the kid a lesson.
so reddit, aita?
| 16,965 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q832yq/aita_for_letting_a_teenage_boy_spend_the_night_in/
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2021-10-14 16:20:34
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nta. not even remotely ta.
you talked to them. you talked to them again. they, instead of disciplining their kids, basically left you with no other choice.
hell, with that kind of attitude - frankly, you would still never be the ah even if you didn't drop the charges. probably shouldn't have. probably should have called the police on the father, too.
i know you need peace where you live, but they jumped so far over the 'reasonable behavior' line that an olympic vaulter would be jealous.
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nta. your neighbors are entitled ahs and one day their son will get in more serious trouble and it’ll be all their fault.
i wouldn’t have dropped the charges.
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nta.
that is your space and your property.
your mom is wrong. by punishing the kid you hit two birds with one stone- you punished both the parents and the kids, even the one who didn’t get caught. they knew they were in the wrong (why else would they run?) and you stood your ground by following through with your word.
the kids should not have invaded your space before and should not invade your space again.
things may be awkward between you and your neighbour but keep in mind that you were not the wrong and they know it.
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nta. he probably wasn’t in a cell with any adult prisoners anyway, and honestly deserved the charges, so you were super nice to drop them at all.
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nta. but i would have made them paying for anything destroyed or damaged a condition of dropping the charges. that kind of parenting is so gross. maybe you’ll get lucky and they’ll decide to move soon.
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nta and you should not have dropped the charges. when they retaliate, call the cops again, show them the video, and let the charges stand.
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nta, but now you live next door to people who completely loathe you, so your life is going to suck.
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nta
those parents sound like the typical parents raising snowflakes. the kid got consequences and righfully so, spent the night with drugdealers and thugs. what's the difference? he's breaking and entering and destroying property. i say it was spending the night with peers or future colleagues.
you weren't harsh by giving the parents a chance to tell their kids to cut it out. they ignored it and the police catching one is a consequence of their own actions.
i wouldn't have dropped the charges if i were ypu but what's done is done. make sure to save and document everything from now on cause those parents do not sound stable at all. no wonder their kids have no respect for others.
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nta. your mom is wrong, it wasn't harsh enough. let the system deal either shit. charges should be brought against dear old dad. i'd also beef up security inside and out. no matter what you do, the petty retaliation will continue. you're dealing with sketchy people, so advise the landlord as well.
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nta. i support your decision however the one thing i would do different was take them to small claims court to replace the plants and possessions of yours if they have destroyed. they need to be taught a lesson at their age and there needs to be serious consequences.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hello reddit. so i feel like i am always posting here, and here is my latest ask. when i moved cities a few months ago i rented an apartment on a monthly contract while looking for another one to buy. a couple months in the owner told me that she will be putting it on the market so she will be needing my schedule to arrange showings. i offered to buy it and not even 2 weeks later i was the owner of my own apartment. i live in the second floor, the first floor is owned by a family (father, mother and two teen boys). the ground floor is two garages for cars, one for each owner. and finally the roof is split into two roofs with a 8ft wall and separate doors off of the landing. when i bought my house i wanted to redo the kitchen and bathroom, so i took some cookies and knocked on my neighbours house to ask for their schedule. i didn't want to do work while they were at home to avoid bothering them. that day i was in my balcony and heard the husband complaining about me buying the apartment, apparently they were planning to do so but i beat them to it. now fast foreward a couple of months, and i have turned my roof into a garden, with raised beds for my veggies, pots for flowers, some garden furniture and an area with some wooden outside tiles. while coming out one day i met my neighbour and she asked to see the garden with her sons, i showed it off and thought that was the end of it. that is untill i started noticing how some of my flowers were cut, the furniture was moved...etc. so i installed a camera and saw that her sons jump over the dividing wall along with some friends and spend their time there. i told the parents, and asked them to tell their kids to stop, that most of the time i am not at home and if something happened there is no way to open the door to help them (metal door with a huge padlock) they said ok but the kids continued to do so, they even started destroying my plants for telling on them. so i gave their mother an ultimatum, they either stop or i will be calling the police. she scoffed and called me an entitled bitch. the next time i got an alert on my phone i called the cops and said someone broke into my rooftop garden. they came pretty fast and only one kid managed to escape, the other was caught red handed and taken to the precinct. their father almost broke my door and started screaming at me to come and drop the charges. i just threatened to call the police on him as well and went to bed. this morning i went to the precinct and dropped the charges so he spent the night in their jail with, according to his mom, drug dealers and thugs. i was so sure of my decision, that i was teaching him the consequences of his actions. but my mom said that i was too harsh, she said that i punished the parents not that i taught the kid a lesson. so reddit, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hello reddit. so i feel like i am always posting here, and here is my latest ask. when i moved cities a few months ago i rented an apartment on a monthly contract while looking for another one to buy. a couple months in the owner told me that she will be putting it on the market so she will be needing my schedule to arrange showings. i offered to buy it and not even 2 weeks later i was the owner of my own apartment. i live in the second floor, the first floor is owned by a family (father, mother and two teen boys). the ground floor is two garages for cars, one for each owner. and finally the roof is split into two roofs with a 8ft wall and separate doors off of the landing. when i bought my house i wanted to redo the kitchen and bathroom, so i took some cookies and knocked on my neighbours house to ask for their schedule. i didn't want to do work while they were at home to avoid bothering them. that day i was in my balcony and heard the husband complaining about me buying the apartment, apparently they were planning to do so but i beat them to it. now fast foreward a couple of months, and i have turned my roof into a garden, with raised beds for my veggies, pots for flowers, some garden furniture and an area with some wooden outside tiles. while coming out one day i met my neighbour and she asked to see the garden with her sons, i showed it off and thought that was the end of it. that is untill i started noticing how some of my flowers were cut, the furniture was moved...etc. so i installed a camera and saw that her sons jump over the dividing wall along with some friends and spend their time there. i told the parents, and asked them to tell their kids to stop, that most of the time i am not at home and if something happened there is no way to open the door to help them (metal door with a huge padlock) they said ok but the kids continued to do so, they even started destroying my plants for telling on them. so i gave their mother an ultimatum, they either stop or i will be calling the police. she scoffed and called me an entitled bitch. the next time i got an alert on my phone i called the cops and said someone broke into my rooftop garden. they came pretty fast and only one kid managed to escape, the other was caught red handed and taken to the precinct. their father almost broke my door and started screaming at me to come and drop the charges. i just threatened to call the police on him as well and went to bed. this morning i went to the precinct and dropped the charges so he spent the night in their jail with, according to his mom, drug dealers and thugs. i was so sure of my decision, that i was teaching him the consequences of his actions. but my mom said that i was too harsh, she said that i punished the parents not that i taught the kid a lesson. so reddit, aita? [/INST] nta. not even remotely ta. you talked to them. you talked to them again. they, instead of disciplining their kids, basically left you with no other choice. hell, with that kind of attitude - frankly, you would still never be the ah even if you didn't drop the charges. probably shouldn't have. probably should have called the police on the father, too. i know you need peace where you live, but they jumped so far over the 'reasonable behavior' line that an olympic vaulter would be jealous. </s>
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AITA for uninviting my friends from my wedding?
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for the past year, i’ve been pursuing my masters degree abroad. i met this incredible man and we’ve been going strong for a year and a half. he recently proposed and i cannot wait to be his wife. i’ve just come back to my home country for a quick visit and am planning on returning to the country which i did my degree in once i start work.
being back home after living and quarantining with my fiancé for a year has been hard. we’ve gone from seeing each other every day to having a facetime call every night. i was out with my friends one night and explained that it was difficult and i hoped to move my flight up so i could spend a little more time with him.
my friends became absolutely irate. they told me that no man should ever have that much of a hold on me and that he’s not worth my time. they had an issue with him not getting me a diamond ring (despite me explicitly saying i didn’t want a diamond). they tried to rationalize it by saying i was out of his league and that they all discussed this frequently.
they all know my boyfriend is absolutely incredible. he’s not toxic in any way and makes me feel so loved. i asked them why the hell they felt like telling me this now and they said that they wanted to nip it in the bud before i embarrassed myself with him on my arm. i asked why it mattered and they said that they would’ve told me to not date him if they met him first.
i told them to fuck off and said that maybe if they looked in the mirror they’d know that them being my friends was by far the most embarrassing thing. they got really offended and i paid and left the restaurant we were at. i’m not replying to their texts or calls and i’m hopping on a plane tomorrow. i uninvited them all to the wedding.
our mutual friends are calling me an asshole for reacting how i did, but i feel like any rational person would. now they’re posting cryptic things to instagram about fake friends and i just think it’s so childish. my mutual friends are threatening to not come to my wedding over this and i told them that it’s okay. i only want supporters there. aita?
| 1,248 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n3wsnl/aita_for_uninviting_my_friends_from_my_wedding/
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2021-05-03 13:59:26
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nta. sooo many red flags. if they're telling you that a man who genuinely loves and cares for you isn't the one for you and claims that you're "embarrassing" yourself, their hearts aren't in a good place. it's obvious that they're jealous or just don't want to see you happy. you did the right thing by cutting off those toxic "friends" and doing so quickly.
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nta. no one should be at a wedding who doesn’t support the marriage.
quick thing though. “he’s not toxic and i’m gonna cut friends out of my life to prove it” kind of screams “i’m engaged to an abuser and this is the start of my isolation from those who love me enough to be honest”. now idk you or him or anything, but that’s definitely a way for this to be interpreted. which i only mention 1) because of the off chance you’re being manipulated and don’t realize and 2) because if it looks that way then they’d be shit friends for not telling you
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info: do you talk about your fiance to your friends? since they never met him i imagine you talking to them about him is the only way for them to have an idea about how he is.
imo if my friend showed up after 1 1/2 year with a ring on her finger no knowledge about the guy whatsoever, then told me she wants to hurry up and go back to him much faster than planned i'd be really suspicious of him.
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nta - sounds like some of your friends never left high school
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info
why did they bring all of this up suddenly? it seems random that they would sh*t on your partner of 1.5 years without ever meeting him.
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[deleted]
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nta. you invite who you want to your wedding and it should be people who support you. they do not sound very supportive at all. have they even met your fiancé? what are they basing this on besides the diamond you don’t want?
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isn’t it weird that “all your friends” think this way? and that your mutuals are not on your side?
that tells me that you are leaving some part of the story out. 1 or 2 friends ok....but all?
something’s fishy.
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nta, you won! you dont have fake friends to criticise you and your partner anymore, and they have lost an actual friend to their own bitterness. enjoy your partner and wedding!
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i might get some downvotes for this but imo esh. your friends' comments about the ring and how he is not good enough for you were out of line, none of their business and seemingly based on a bunch of assumptions. they suck for this.
however, i get why they would be irritated when you admitedly only see them for a "quick visit" and you're hanging out with them, telling them basically that time spent with them is kind of a waste and you can't wait to gtfo to go back to your financé. it sounds like you havent seen them in over a year, they obviously missed you, and you're getting married to your financé, you'll have your whole life to spend with him! dont get me wrong, youre entitled to your feelings and im sure you must miss him like crazy, but if i was on the receiving end of that comment i would feel like a chore to you, not a close friend that you missed and wanted to spend time with.
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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ESH
| 0.111582 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for the past year, i’ve been pursuing my masters degree abroad. i met this incredible man and we’ve been going strong for a year and a half. he recently proposed and i cannot wait to be his wife. i’ve just come back to my home country for a quick visit and am planning on returning to the country which i did my degree in once i start work. being back home after living and quarantining with my fiancé for a year has been hard. we’ve gone from seeing each other every day to having a facetime call every night. i was out with my friends one night and explained that it was difficult and i hoped to move my flight up so i could spend a little more time with him. my friends became absolutely irate. they told me that no man should ever have that much of a hold on me and that he’s not worth my time. they had an issue with him not getting me a diamond ring (despite me explicitly saying i didn’t want a diamond). they tried to rationalize it by saying i was out of his league and that they all discussed this frequently. they all know my boyfriend is absolutely incredible. he’s not toxic in any way and makes me feel so loved. i asked them why the hell they felt like telling me this now and they said that they wanted to nip it in the bud before i embarrassed myself with him on my arm. i asked why it mattered and they said that they would’ve told me to not date him if they met him first. i told them to fuck off and said that maybe if they looked in the mirror they’d know that them being my friends was by far the most embarrassing thing. they got really offended and i paid and left the restaurant we were at. i’m not replying to their texts or calls and i’m hopping on a plane tomorrow. i uninvited them all to the wedding. our mutual friends are calling me an asshole for reacting how i did, but i feel like any rational person would. now they’re posting cryptic things to instagram about fake friends and i just think it’s so childish. my mutual friends are threatening to not come to my wedding over this and i told them that it’s okay. i only want supporters there. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for the past year, i’ve been pursuing my masters degree abroad. i met this incredible man and we’ve been going strong for a year and a half. he recently proposed and i cannot wait to be his wife. i’ve just come back to my home country for a quick visit and am planning on returning to the country which i did my degree in once i start work. being back home after living and quarantining with my fiancé for a year has been hard. we’ve gone from seeing each other every day to having a facetime call every night. i was out with my friends one night and explained that it was difficult and i hoped to move my flight up so i could spend a little more time with him. my friends became absolutely irate. they told me that no man should ever have that much of a hold on me and that he’s not worth my time. they had an issue with him not getting me a diamond ring (despite me explicitly saying i didn’t want a diamond). they tried to rationalize it by saying i was out of his league and that they all discussed this frequently. they all know my boyfriend is absolutely incredible. he’s not toxic in any way and makes me feel so loved. i asked them why the hell they felt like telling me this now and they said that they wanted to nip it in the bud before i embarrassed myself with him on my arm. i asked why it mattered and they said that they would’ve told me to not date him if they met him first. i told them to fuck off and said that maybe if they looked in the mirror they’d know that them being my friends was by far the most embarrassing thing. they got really offended and i paid and left the restaurant we were at. i’m not replying to their texts or calls and i’m hopping on a plane tomorrow. i uninvited them all to the wedding. our mutual friends are calling me an asshole for reacting how i did, but i feel like any rational person would. now they’re posting cryptic things to instagram about fake friends and i just think it’s so childish. my mutual friends are threatening to not come to my wedding over this and i told them that it’s okay. i only want supporters there. aita? [/INST] nta. sooo many red flags. if they're telling you that a man who genuinely loves and cares for you isn't the one for you and claims that you're "embarrassing" yourself, their hearts aren't in a good place. it's obvious that they're jealous or just don't want to see you happy. you did the right thing by cutting off those toxic "friends" and doing so quickly. </s>
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AITA for asking my son to put his phone away while we’re on vacation?
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me (61m) and my three kids- a (22m), b (20m) and c (15f) are all on vacation. the vacation consists of a trip across multiple countries in the middle east, including a stop to perform pilgrimage, and it’s very hectic.none of my children speak arabic very well. my eldest son a has issues including anxiety and depression to an extent that it’s hard for him to handle a lot of the situations he might encounter on the trip if he were alone. my middle son and youngest daughter are both sick with the flu, b is recovering while c is more on the downward trend.
now to the main issue: because of all the information above, the trip has been strenuous on all of our mental health. i’ve spent most of the trip in bed or resting when possible and i’ve entrusted b with the responsibility for caring for his siblings- resolving any disputes at the airport, checking us into the hotel, getting us food, et cetera. i also imposed a rule that nobody goes off on their own, and since they’re an odd number that means whenever they go anywhere they go together. b has again been instrumental in making sure they don’t get lost and that they remain together. today, a went out on his own and left his phone in the hotel room and got lost- b went out and was gone for a few hours to find him. my daughter and i were of course very tense as a has a bad sense of direction and god knows where he could have been. b came back with a and food for us and we sat down to eat. b pulled out his phone and spent the majority of the meal on social media or texting his friends and honestly it just upset me, i wanted us to take this vacation so we could have more family time and bond together. i told him to put the d*** phone down and just spend time with us and he said “i’ve spent enough time with you all already, honestly”. i felt really disrespected by this, but i didn’t want to cause a scene. later we were going over highlights and lowlights of the trip so far and i mentioned that one of my lowlights was the way b had been acting. he snapped at me and went “god, i’d hate to ruin your trip dad sorry” super sarcastically and went to the room he has his stuff in. since then he hasn’t come out and i’m honestly furious, i want this trip to be fun and i feel like he’s dragging it down for the whole family.
my elder son agrees that he’s being irritating while my daughter is saying that i need to be more compassionate with him. aita?
| 2,436 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zpqyfy/aita_for_asking_my_son_to_put_his_phone_away/
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2022-12-19 13:00:44
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yta
your children are adults and can do what they want. you are far too controlling and it sounds like a terrible trip from your kid's perspective.
your trip has already been complicated by illness so the dream vacation you pictured in your mind was ruined. you are expecting your family to behave as you've envisioned and they aren't following your script.
stop forcing grown adults to conform to your fantasies and enjoy your family as they are. not everyone can handle so much togetherness. your kids have the right to decompress in their own way.
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yta.
reading between the lines, your son didn't want to be on this trip; or he did at first, but then you then unilaterally saddled him with the burden of parenting his siblings.
i'm also baffled at this rule of your children needing to be in pairs. perhaps your youngest needs assistance, but the others are in their 20s! young adults routinely go backpacking alone across multiple countries where they don't speak the language, but you're afraid of your children leaving the hotel for a few hours? are you in an area that's so dangerous that this is necessary? and if so, *why on earth would you bring your entire family there??*.
i'm guessing there is a lot going on here in this family.
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i feel like if b was left to handle everything then he should be allowed to relax and just play on his phone. 🤷🏻♀️
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yta.
truthfully this doesn't sound like a vacation and it sounds like b has been roped into being tour leader for 2 adults and a teenager. he should be allowed to have a bit of a break from taking care of everyone.
i think you need to take a beat and really consider if this vacation was planned with the whole family's wants in mind. a lot of people do not enjoy hectic vacations, not to mention hectic vacations where they don't know the language, and they and 2 other family members are sick.
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yta
> we’re on vacation
> the trip has been strenuous on all of our mental health
you're vacationing wrong
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why have you been spending most of your time in bed and leaving b to parent the other kids? unless you are sick, other than “stress”, yta.
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info: why? what was so wrong about him wanting to be on his phone for one evening? particularly after a stressful day.
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lol, yta. not only are you pushing your responsibility on one of your children, you are wondering why your son snapped at you after being on a trip even you described as exhausting. if i see anyone "ruining" this trip for your family, it's you. you keep saying how instrumental b is, but then throw a tantrum over him taking his mind off over dinner? maybe he is irritating because you keep pushing responsibilities on him while he is still recovering from the flu, while you are "resting when possible", just after he had to get his older brother, because you wouldn't. you honestly sound more like a tyrant than a father.
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you state you shoved all the responsibilities of travel onto your second child while you did... exactly what? oh yeah, laid down. literally. laid. down. such a delicate flower.
i can't imagine the horror and isolation you must have felt when, after b spent hours looking for the wanderer and getting food for your reclining self and his ailing siblings, he actually had the thought of friends instead of your resting self! how does one actually forget you're in the room waiting to have your food cut up!! how did he get distracted from the exhausting duty of herding cats while he himself was also sick and, i'm just going to say it, ****why**** would he even want to?😱/s
yta
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yta
you should say thank you to your son for him being a parent to your other kids. and frankly this vacation looks like is for your own pleasure only.
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
|
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me (61m) and my three kids- a (22m), b (20m) and c (15f) are all on vacation. the vacation consists of a trip across multiple countries in the middle east, including a stop to perform pilgrimage, and it’s very hectic.none of my children speak arabic very well. my eldest son a has issues including anxiety and depression to an extent that it’s hard for him to handle a lot of the situations he might encounter on the trip if he were alone. my middle son and youngest daughter are both sick with the flu, b is recovering while c is more on the downward trend. now to the main issue: because of all the information above, the trip has been strenuous on all of our mental health. i’ve spent most of the trip in bed or resting when possible and i’ve entrusted b with the responsibility for caring for his siblings- resolving any disputes at the airport, checking us into the hotel, getting us food, et cetera. i also imposed a rule that nobody goes off on their own, and since they’re an odd number that means whenever they go anywhere they go together. b has again been instrumental in making sure they don’t get lost and that they remain together. today, a went out on his own and left his phone in the hotel room and got lost- b went out and was gone for a few hours to find him. my daughter and i were of course very tense as a has a bad sense of direction and god knows where he could have been. b came back with a and food for us and we sat down to eat. b pulled out his phone and spent the majority of the meal on social media or texting his friends and honestly it just upset me, i wanted us to take this vacation so we could have more family time and bond together. i told him to put the d*** phone down and just spend time with us and he said “i’ve spent enough time with you all already, honestly”. i felt really disrespected by this, but i didn’t want to cause a scene. later we were going over highlights and lowlights of the trip so far and i mentioned that one of my lowlights was the way b had been acting. he snapped at me and went “god, i’d hate to ruin your trip dad sorry” super sarcastically and went to the room he has his stuff in. since then he hasn’t come out and i’m honestly furious, i want this trip to be fun and i feel like he’s dragging it down for the whole family. my elder son agrees that he’s being irritating while my daughter is saying that i need to be more compassionate with him. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me (61m) and my three kids- a (22m), b (20m) and c (15f) are all on vacation. the vacation consists of a trip across multiple countries in the middle east, including a stop to perform pilgrimage, and it’s very hectic.none of my children speak arabic very well. my eldest son a has issues including anxiety and depression to an extent that it’s hard for him to handle a lot of the situations he might encounter on the trip if he were alone. my middle son and youngest daughter are both sick with the flu, b is recovering while c is more on the downward trend. now to the main issue: because of all the information above, the trip has been strenuous on all of our mental health. i’ve spent most of the trip in bed or resting when possible and i’ve entrusted b with the responsibility for caring for his siblings- resolving any disputes at the airport, checking us into the hotel, getting us food, et cetera. i also imposed a rule that nobody goes off on their own, and since they’re an odd number that means whenever they go anywhere they go together. b has again been instrumental in making sure they don’t get lost and that they remain together. today, a went out on his own and left his phone in the hotel room and got lost- b went out and was gone for a few hours to find him. my daughter and i were of course very tense as a has a bad sense of direction and god knows where he could have been. b came back with a and food for us and we sat down to eat. b pulled out his phone and spent the majority of the meal on social media or texting his friends and honestly it just upset me, i wanted us to take this vacation so we could have more family time and bond together. i told him to put the d*** phone down and just spend time with us and he said “i’ve spent enough time with you all already, honestly”. i felt really disrespected by this, but i didn’t want to cause a scene. later we were going over highlights and lowlights of the trip so far and i mentioned that one of my lowlights was the way b had been acting. he snapped at me and went “god, i’d hate to ruin your trip dad sorry” super sarcastically and went to the room he has his stuff in. since then he hasn’t come out and i’m honestly furious, i want this trip to be fun and i feel like he’s dragging it down for the whole family. my elder son agrees that he’s being irritating while my daughter is saying that i need to be more compassionate with him. aita? [/INST] yta your children are adults and can do what they want. you are far too controlling and it sounds like a terrible trip from your kid's perspective. your trip has already been complicated by illness so the dream vacation you pictured in your mind was ruined. you are expecting your family to behave as you've envisioned and they aren't following your script. stop forcing grown adults to conform to your fantasies and enjoy your family as they are. not everyone can handle so much togetherness. your kids have the right to decompress in their own way. </s>
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AITA for no showing my job even though I’m the only option for a position that’s being vacated at the end of the week?
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well my title sums it up but i’ll add some info. i started working in the accounting office at a car dealership about a month and a half ago. it was the most entry level that entry level jobs could get; i was basically doing all the crappy paperwork that everyone else needed for their jobs but were too busy to do themselves. we all know those jobs. i didn’t mind it because it was menial and i listened to audiobooks all day.
so last monday the office manager asked how i’d feel about taking over another girl’s job because she put in her two weeks. i was pretty excited about moving up so i agreed. i’ve been getting trained on it over the last week and a half and i’m not comfortable to take over starting this coming monday but i’ve been busting my butt and trying to understand. her job is very specific, there’s lots of parts to it, there’s so many different things to do, and she’s the only person in the office that knows how to do it. they haven’t let me forget that detail.
she has arguably one of the most important jobs in the office. basically i went from moderate workload and minimal responsibility to huge workload and huge responsibility. with no raise i might add. not to mention i’m driving over an hour both ways and not getting home until it’s almost time for my kids to go to bed.
but i’ve been trudging along being a trooper because everyone else has their job and no one wants to do this job so sure, let’s stick the newest person with the least experience with it. the girl who’s training me is constantly on her phone and not paying attention to what i’m doing and i’ve made a lot of mistakes. every time i make a mistake she starts berating me and acting all condescending. she says stuff like “it’s actually really easy if you use your common sense.”
the last couple days i’ve felt like i’ve been nearing a breakdown. the more mistakes i make the more tension i feel in the office. i’m not a confrontational person by any means so i’ve sat there with tears in my eyes while she’s texting in the office group chat, which i’m not in. i’ll make a mistake, she picks up her phone and starts texting, phones buzz, the other girls laugh. all day today. and she’s just standing behind me whispering to another girl and they’re just giggling. i went to the bathroom and called my husband crying then when i went back to the office i heard her tell the office manager that i was crying and she, the manager, goes “oh that’s funny.”
i’m just not going back tomorrow. i’ve made up my mind. my husband thinks i’m running away from my problems and wants me to at least go talk it through with them but my mom, sister, and cousin basically say fuck em. my reasoning is that they’ll have two days to train someone with years more experience than i had and it’s really not my problem how they solve it after that because they should’ve thought about how they treated their only option for a job that’s an asset to the entire dealership.
so aita? i’m still not going but i’ll accept my judgement.
| 195 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eso8sm/aita_for_no_showing_my_job_even_though_im_the/
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2020-01-23 04:39:08
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nta. it sounds like an extremely mismanaged place. the boss should know how to do every job there.
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nta. it’s a business, they wouldn’t feel bad for you (and clearly don’t) so walk away. you lose a reference, but the business will go on. don’t lose sleep over it.
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nta
toxic workplaces are not worth your time. move on and find something better with better people.
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nta though to be the better person in this scenario i would recommend at least tell them you quit so they aren't wondering at the start of the day.
it sounds like the manager tried to take the route of least interpersonal friction and is more concerned about keeping her office "friends" than effectively filling and training someone for this vacancy. like you said, not your problem.
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nta - so sorry you had to deal with such cruel co-workers. i was going to say don't look back and leave it off your resume. not worth the trouble after only a month and a half.
however, wouldn't it feel better to tell them about themselves? i don't usually support burning bridges at work but sometimes you have to listen to your mom, sister, and cousin. they're right. fuck 'em and let them know their behavior is the reason why you're not extending a 2 week courtesy... in your resignation email!
at least you got this crap out of the way early in the year. here's to a smooth 2020!
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nta but i’d go in and quit properly. tell them they knew you weren’t qualified but choose to put you in this position. tell them the person teaching you hasn’t actually taught you anything and spends all day on her phone laughing at you getting it wrong. tell them that a group of them are bullying you and they see nothing wrong with that.
go all guns blazing and then quit and leave.
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i think you should go back and either negotiate a raise for your new position or ask to be moved back to your prior position. if you aren't comfortable with the job, they should be able to arrange something. let the supervisor know about the person who is training you. your doing your best so just keep at it!
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esh - you definitely need to leave this job, op, but put in your notice. you can tell the manager that you appreciate the opportunity, but you don’t seem to be picking it up and don’t like the way you have been treated by the person training you and think it’s time for you to go in a different direction.
i promise that once you put in notice it’s like a weight being lifted off your shoulders, you can still do you job with very few expectations and be out of there in a week or so. in the long run it’s better for you and will be something you can look back on knowing you handled it well.
good luck, op.
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nta. the company clearly doesn't care about you. why should you care about their feelings?
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
ESH
|
NTA
| null | 0.01744 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: well my title sums it up but i’ll add some info. i started working in the accounting office at a car dealership about a month and a half ago. it was the most entry level that entry level jobs could get; i was basically doing all the crappy paperwork that everyone else needed for their jobs but were too busy to do themselves. we all know those jobs. i didn’t mind it because it was menial and i listened to audiobooks all day. so last monday the office manager asked how i’d feel about taking over another girl’s job because she put in her two weeks. i was pretty excited about moving up so i agreed. i’ve been getting trained on it over the last week and a half and i’m not comfortable to take over starting this coming monday but i’ve been busting my butt and trying to understand. her job is very specific, there’s lots of parts to it, there’s so many different things to do, and she’s the only person in the office that knows how to do it. they haven’t let me forget that detail. she has arguably one of the most important jobs in the office. basically i went from moderate workload and minimal responsibility to huge workload and huge responsibility. with no raise i might add. not to mention i’m driving over an hour both ways and not getting home until it’s almost time for my kids to go to bed. but i’ve been trudging along being a trooper because everyone else has their job and no one wants to do this job so sure, let’s stick the newest person with the least experience with it. the girl who’s training me is constantly on her phone and not paying attention to what i’m doing and i’ve made a lot of mistakes. every time i make a mistake she starts berating me and acting all condescending. she says stuff like “it’s actually really easy if you use your common sense.” the last couple days i’ve felt like i’ve been nearing a breakdown. the more mistakes i make the more tension i feel in the office. i’m not a confrontational person by any means so i’ve sat there with tears in my eyes while she’s texting in the office group chat, which i’m not in. i’ll make a mistake, she picks up her phone and starts texting, phones buzz, the other girls laugh. all day today. and she’s just standing behind me whispering to another girl and they’re just giggling. i went to the bathroom and called my husband crying then when i went back to the office i heard her tell the office manager that i was crying and she, the manager, goes “oh that’s funny.” i’m just not going back tomorrow. i’ve made up my mind. my husband thinks i’m running away from my problems and wants me to at least go talk it through with them but my mom, sister, and cousin basically say fuck em. my reasoning is that they’ll have two days to train someone with years more experience than i had and it’s really not my problem how they solve it after that because they should’ve thought about how they treated their only option for a job that’s an asset to the entire dealership. so aita? i’m still not going but i’ll accept my judgement.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
well my title sums it up but i’ll add some info. i started working in the accounting office at a car dealership about a month and a half ago. it was the most entry level that entry level jobs could get; i was basically doing all the crappy paperwork that everyone else needed for their jobs but were too busy to do themselves. we all know those jobs. i didn’t mind it because it was menial and i listened to audiobooks all day. so last monday the office manager asked how i’d feel about taking over another girl’s job because she put in her two weeks. i was pretty excited about moving up so i agreed. i’ve been getting trained on it over the last week and a half and i’m not comfortable to take over starting this coming monday but i’ve been busting my butt and trying to understand. her job is very specific, there’s lots of parts to it, there’s so many different things to do, and she’s the only person in the office that knows how to do it. they haven’t let me forget that detail. she has arguably one of the most important jobs in the office. basically i went from moderate workload and minimal responsibility to huge workload and huge responsibility. with no raise i might add. not to mention i’m driving over an hour both ways and not getting home until it’s almost time for my kids to go to bed. but i’ve been trudging along being a trooper because everyone else has their job and no one wants to do this job so sure, let’s stick the newest person with the least experience with it. the girl who’s training me is constantly on her phone and not paying attention to what i’m doing and i’ve made a lot of mistakes. every time i make a mistake she starts berating me and acting all condescending. she says stuff like “it’s actually really easy if you use your common sense.” the last couple days i’ve felt like i’ve been nearing a breakdown. the more mistakes i make the more tension i feel in the office. i’m not a confrontational person by any means so i’ve sat there with tears in my eyes while she’s texting in the office group chat, which i’m not in. i’ll make a mistake, she picks up her phone and starts texting, phones buzz, the other girls laugh. all day today. and she’s just standing behind me whispering to another girl and they’re just giggling. i went to the bathroom and called my husband crying then when i went back to the office i heard her tell the office manager that i was crying and she, the manager, goes “oh that’s funny.” i’m just not going back tomorrow. i’ve made up my mind. my husband thinks i’m running away from my problems and wants me to at least go talk it through with them but my mom, sister, and cousin basically say fuck em. my reasoning is that they’ll have two days to train someone with years more experience than i had and it’s really not my problem how they solve it after that because they should’ve thought about how they treated their only option for a job that’s an asset to the entire dealership. so aita? i’m still not going but i’ll accept my judgement. [/INST] nta. it sounds like an extremely mismanaged place. the boss should know how to do every job there. </s>
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AITA for not telling my son his true parentage?
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19 years ago in a rocky part of our relationship, my (41m) wife (41f) had a short lived affair in a country we no longer live in that resulted in a pregnancy. she was extremely remorseful and apologetic and has gone above and beyond since then to regain my trust, on top of which we previous attended therapy over this; in short, there is no bitterness between the two of us regarding this event.
we decided to keep the son that was born from her affair and raise him as our own and not disclose his parentage to anyone else, in terms of looks there is nothing notably unusual about him for anyone to question his parentage simply being anyone else but my wife and i. his bio father is someone we're both certain is childfree and likes it that way, so we didn't see the point in disclosing this to him, plus like i said, we no longer live in the same country that the affair took place. the entire event is basically a one off that was wiped clean and far, far behind us. i'll add that my wife and i later had a daughter (now 10f) that is definitely mine biologically, and since both our kids were born we have never shown any favoritism or had any serious family conflicts whatsoever. overall, my son's parentage never seemed to be a problem in our family nor did he have any doubt or curiosity about it.
our son (19m) is now an anthropology major in college and is out of state from where my wife and i live. without telling either of us, he took a 23andme test because he was interested in seeing the precise breakdown of his genetics and, yes, from this information he realized i could not be his father. obviously he is completely devastated and sent my wife and i a barrage of confused and angry texts questioning the meaning of this and how disgusting he finds it that we never told him this. he said he feels he will never look at me the same again nor his sister.
but from what i said earlier, my wife and i simply never saw the reason to. his blood may not be mine, but he always felt like a blessing to us regardless, and certainly always our son. he blocked us shortly after sending all the texts so i haven't have a chance to even talk to him yet, it's been about 6 hours, i feel confident he'll come around and unblock us eventually and we can talk. my wife and i are now feeling really unsure if we really messed up by not telling him the truth when he was a child, but we just didn't want him to feel "different" or disconnected from us in any way for essentially no good reason.
tldr aita for never having told my son he isn't my bio son when our family functioned perfectly regardless and he never had a reason to suspect this?
| 287 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pyyvpp/aita_for_not_telling_my_son_his_true_parentage/
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2021-10-01 02:44:32
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yta
i'm sorry, but you should have told your son by the time he turned 18. this is important information about him and he had the right to know.
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yta, though i understand you did what you thought was best. the issue is, your son is his own person. his identity goes beyond being your son, even if he was yours biologically.
parents tend to keep things from their children with the assumption that they know best for their child, forgetting that someday their child is going to be an adult facing the repercussions of the decisions their parents made for them.
he deserves to know things like this and you should have at least told him by the time he was 18, if not sooner.
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soft yta. i completely understand why you didn't want to tell him, but i feel like these type of secrets always come out. once he was an adult it should've been said, eliminating the risk of him discovering on his own and feeling betrayed.
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[removed]
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yta
dude dude dude you and your wife f’ed up big time. now i am not saying you are bad parents but he deserved to know and probably this was gonna come out sometime or the other. this is almost exactly like an adopted child it’s just that one of the bio parents is still in the picture. let him go he probably would have a lot of things to say to you if he decides to contact you again and listen carefully and apologise. try to understand his perspective he thought you were his dad and your daughter was his bio sister imagine that just one day you find out that isn’t the truth you are gonna be shattered.
also yta for not telling his bio dad that he had a child. even if the bio dad is child free even if he knew he wouldn’t take any responsibility your son is still his bio child he deserved to know.
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yes yta you should have told him. you would still be his dad, but he needed to know, from the beginning. even if his biological father never wants to see him, it doesn’t matter. this is the biggest mistake non-biological parents make, even through adoption, is not saying anything. he deserves to know his heritage, but also it would be helpful to know his family medical history, or what isn’t, that may be life or death at some point if he’s saying oh no neither of my parents ever had x or have a gene for x and a doctor says ok well then you can’t have x, but surprise he actually could.
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yta. i know you meant well because you were able to accept a child born from an affair as your own but it wasn't a lie that should've been kept. in this day and age many people do those tests to find out various things and that uncovers secrets you don't want uncovered. this is a case point for it.
the issue with you withholding this information is, you don't have a complete medical history for him. his medical history is only half available and it will potentially backfire on him. i'm in the same boat but i was not an affair baby, my family just sucks and my mother was not fond of hers and sadly shes passed so i can't get medical info from her. so i'll have to do that testing for my own medical history.
he did it for fun only to find out the hidden secret that you've hidden from him for nearly 2 decades. he's not your son thats the sad truth, his sister is only his half sister another truth that is hard to deal with. he grew up thinking his family was intact biologically and now he has to come to terms that its not.
he's rightfully angry, their was ways to explain everything without holding things secret. he deserved to know and now you kinda opened pandora's box. he may not talk to you again, let alone his mother because this is a lot to handle.
he also has to come to terms with the fact his bio-father didn't want him and now has to do the uncomfortable search on his own medical history because that side of the family doesn't know he even is alive.
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yta- did you really not expect this? how many of these tests have destroyed families because of the lies? and an anthropology major? seriously? you didn't see this coming?
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yta, you messed up. you should have figured he would eventually find out. just about everyone takes those tests. the first thing you need to do with yourselves and to your son is own this. this business of no reason to tell him because of this and that is baloney. when he calms down you both don't make excuses! apologize and tell him the truth! answer his questions. do not lie to him about anything so you don't lose him.
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yta and your wife is ta even bigger time. you kept a child from knowing about his biological dad and even more horrifying you kept the dad from ever knowing about the son.
you cannot say “oh he’s happily child free.” how exactly do you know that? do you know him super well? well enough to not have noticed the fact that he and your wife were screwing behind your back? plus it’s been almost 20 years. no i do not think you know him well at all.
the reason you have been playing pretend all this time is likely that you want to forget that your wife cheated on you, and she wants to forget that she cheated on you, so hey let’s selfishly screw over both the kid and his bio dad.
you want to sweep the past under the carpet, but you can’t. mother nature always has the last laugh.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: 19 years ago in a rocky part of our relationship, my (41m) wife (41f) had a short lived affair in a country we no longer live in that resulted in a pregnancy. she was extremely remorseful and apologetic and has gone above and beyond since then to regain my trust, on top of which we previous attended therapy over this; in short, there is no bitterness between the two of us regarding this event. we decided to keep the son that was born from her affair and raise him as our own and not disclose his parentage to anyone else, in terms of looks there is nothing notably unusual about him for anyone to question his parentage simply being anyone else but my wife and i. his bio father is someone we're both certain is childfree and likes it that way, so we didn't see the point in disclosing this to him, plus like i said, we no longer live in the same country that the affair took place. the entire event is basically a one off that was wiped clean and far, far behind us. i'll add that my wife and i later had a daughter (now 10f) that is definitely mine biologically, and since both our kids were born we have never shown any favoritism or had any serious family conflicts whatsoever. overall, my son's parentage never seemed to be a problem in our family nor did he have any doubt or curiosity about it. our son (19m) is now an anthropology major in college and is out of state from where my wife and i live. without telling either of us, he took a 23andme test because he was interested in seeing the precise breakdown of his genetics and, yes, from this information he realized i could not be his father. obviously he is completely devastated and sent my wife and i a barrage of confused and angry texts questioning the meaning of this and how disgusting he finds it that we never told him this. he said he feels he will never look at me the same again nor his sister. but from what i said earlier, my wife and i simply never saw the reason to. his blood may not be mine, but he always felt like a blessing to us regardless, and certainly always our son. he blocked us shortly after sending all the texts so i haven't have a chance to even talk to him yet, it's been about 6 hours, i feel confident he'll come around and unblock us eventually and we can talk. my wife and i are now feeling really unsure if we really messed up by not telling him the truth when he was a child, but we just didn't want him to feel "different" or disconnected from us in any way for essentially no good reason. tldr aita for never having told my son he isn't my bio son when our family functioned perfectly regardless and he never had a reason to suspect this?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
19 years ago in a rocky part of our relationship, my (41m) wife (41f) had a short lived affair in a country we no longer live in that resulted in a pregnancy. she was extremely remorseful and apologetic and has gone above and beyond since then to regain my trust, on top of which we previous attended therapy over this; in short, there is no bitterness between the two of us regarding this event. we decided to keep the son that was born from her affair and raise him as our own and not disclose his parentage to anyone else, in terms of looks there is nothing notably unusual about him for anyone to question his parentage simply being anyone else but my wife and i. his bio father is someone we're both certain is childfree and likes it that way, so we didn't see the point in disclosing this to him, plus like i said, we no longer live in the same country that the affair took place. the entire event is basically a one off that was wiped clean and far, far behind us. i'll add that my wife and i later had a daughter (now 10f) that is definitely mine biologically, and since both our kids were born we have never shown any favoritism or had any serious family conflicts whatsoever. overall, my son's parentage never seemed to be a problem in our family nor did he have any doubt or curiosity about it. our son (19m) is now an anthropology major in college and is out of state from where my wife and i live. without telling either of us, he took a 23andme test because he was interested in seeing the precise breakdown of his genetics and, yes, from this information he realized i could not be his father. obviously he is completely devastated and sent my wife and i a barrage of confused and angry texts questioning the meaning of this and how disgusting he finds it that we never told him this. he said he feels he will never look at me the same again nor his sister. but from what i said earlier, my wife and i simply never saw the reason to. his blood may not be mine, but he always felt like a blessing to us regardless, and certainly always our son. he blocked us shortly after sending all the texts so i haven't have a chance to even talk to him yet, it's been about 6 hours, i feel confident he'll come around and unblock us eventually and we can talk. my wife and i are now feeling really unsure if we really messed up by not telling him the truth when he was a child, but we just didn't want him to feel "different" or disconnected from us in any way for essentially no good reason. tldr aita for never having told my son he isn't my bio son when our family functioned perfectly regardless and he never had a reason to suspect this? [/INST] yta i'm sorry, but you should have told your son by the time he turned 18. this is important information about him and he had the right to know. </s>
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AITA for thinking my fiance is a momma's boy
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on mobile, so pls don't mind the formatting.
my(25f) fiance(35m) and i have been together for 5 years, engaged for 1 and we have a great relationship. we tell each other everything. however, he tells his mother everything first. what irks me about it is that obviously couples confide in each other, i tell him things that i wouldn't tell anyone else but the problem is that he goes and tells his mother and it's annoying because nothing is personal. his excuse is that everyone has a person they tell things to, and where i feel he is my person, for him it's his mother. because of this, she knows things about me and my family that she most definitely shouldn't and it's uncomfortable for me. i don't care if she's my stbmil, i'm a very private person. now when something exciting happens in my life, sure i want to tell my friends/family but the very first person i get excited to tell is him. and it just sucks that over and over again, he shows me that even when something great happens for him, i'm always second. now, i don't know if i'm overreacting or anything but i'd like for him to feel the same way i do when it comes to sharing things.
the reason this is bothering me today of all days is because my fiance has been unemployed for a couple of years, due to wanting to start something of his own. a few things didn't work out but i was working so it was okay but then earlier in the year, one of his business ventures were going really well and he asked me to quit my job to assist, i did. then things went south but whatever, i'm currently looking for a job and so was he. today, he had an interview and he was conducting it in the next room and his mother was further away in the kitchen (we had to move back here when covid hit), i'm mentioning this for context. when i heard him wrap up, i paused what i was watching so that i could hear how it went, lol stupid me, he walked right past the room and went to the kitchen to tell his mom about it. so, when i mention this to him he says, "well, if you really wanted to know, you could have come to kitchen to find out". i was right next door to you, seriously?!
and it probably wouldn't get to me so much if she was nice to him all the time but she isn't. she's constantly on his ass and they're always fighting so i don't even get it. you have someone that is always rooting for you and supports you but you constantly choose negative nelly. i don't get it. aita for feeling this way or am i overreacting?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pgi8o6/aita_for_thinking_my_fiance_is_a_mommas_boy/
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2021-09-02 13:47:53
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nta and run!
of course normal bates-light started dating 20 yr old at 30, because how else do you get someone to join you and your mom in a co-dependent fuck-tangle? i guess the other option is kidnapping and brining misery into the mix.
neither of them are going to change and you’re better off without them than being married to both of them.
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nta - this is never going to change - and that's why he was dating a 20 yo at 30 - because women his age won't put up with this crap.
the good news though, is that you're recognizing what's going on here - mommy is always going to be number one, and you deserve better.
walk away.
this isn't going to change.
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**nta.** he's 35 and tell his mother everything. this does not bode well. even if you have a talk about it, he's been doing it this long and it will be extremely difficult to stop.
i know reddit is quick to jump to "dump them" but think about this- and you have said yourself - would you be ok with **always** being second?
plus the fact that he is unemployed, his business ventures failed and he convinced you to quit your job to help him and now y'all are living with *his* mom?
and i hate to bring it up, but he's 10 years older than you. i know relationships with age gaps can be happy and successful, but he's 35 and his mom comes before you.
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nta - 30yr old started dating a 20yr old. he’s overly attached to his mother. he’s unemployed. he made bad financial decision of making you quit to help. he doesn’t respect boundaries. he’s choosing his mother over you.
why are you together?
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nta - he's a momma's boy - by the way, this will not get better without him acknowledging this and fixing it. if you marry him, prepare to always play second fiddle, for her to always know any marital disagreements you have and prepare for her to fully support him divorcing you if you two have \*any\* disagreements. (divorced a momma's boy, and momma was more viscous in that situation than he was - it was so weird)
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nta
run, don't walk, away. make a plan or get ready for trench warfare you might lose when you finally can't stand this woman or she's breathing down your neck in the delivery room or ruining your wedding or whatever justnomil adventures are down the line.
run! in the meantime were i you i would keep my uterus locked down in terms of protection because an accidental baby in the mix with a a momma's boy and a justnomil is a toxic soup you will have a hard time extricating yourself from.
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nta. if your so isn't respecting your privacy its a problem you need to talk about before marriage. he's welcome to share his issues with his mum but if you tell him something in confidence and he runs straight to someone else to tell them that's really not ok.
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nta, he definitely is a mommas boy!!! i know one when i see one. (personally dating a mommas boy)
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nta
hate to say it, but the difference in maturity between 20 and 30 years old is pretty big. and there's a reason at 30 he ended up with someone 10 years his junior. he is emotionally stunted, probably due to his mother.
is this really what you want for the rest of your life? it'll only get worse if you have kids. getting him to change now is going to be an uphill battle, and there's no guarantee you'll succeed. what does he bring to this relationship? think really hard on that. it looks very one sided in his favor from where i'm sitting.
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nta. this will continue to happen. you are not his priority and never will be.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: on mobile, so pls don't mind the formatting. my(25f) fiance(35m) and i have been together for 5 years, engaged for 1 and we have a great relationship. we tell each other everything. however, he tells his mother everything first. what irks me about it is that obviously couples confide in each other, i tell him things that i wouldn't tell anyone else but the problem is that he goes and tells his mother and it's annoying because nothing is personal. his excuse is that everyone has a person they tell things to, and where i feel he is my person, for him it's his mother. because of this, she knows things about me and my family that she most definitely shouldn't and it's uncomfortable for me. i don't care if she's my stbmil, i'm a very private person. now when something exciting happens in my life, sure i want to tell my friends/family but the very first person i get excited to tell is him. and it just sucks that over and over again, he shows me that even when something great happens for him, i'm always second. now, i don't know if i'm overreacting or anything but i'd like for him to feel the same way i do when it comes to sharing things. the reason this is bothering me today of all days is because my fiance has been unemployed for a couple of years, due to wanting to start something of his own. a few things didn't work out but i was working so it was okay but then earlier in the year, one of his business ventures were going really well and he asked me to quit my job to assist, i did. then things went south but whatever, i'm currently looking for a job and so was he. today, he had an interview and he was conducting it in the next room and his mother was further away in the kitchen (we had to move back here when covid hit), i'm mentioning this for context. when i heard him wrap up, i paused what i was watching so that i could hear how it went, lol stupid me, he walked right past the room and went to the kitchen to tell his mom about it. so, when i mention this to him he says, "well, if you really wanted to know, you could have come to kitchen to find out". i was right next door to you, seriously?! and it probably wouldn't get to me so much if she was nice to him all the time but she isn't. she's constantly on his ass and they're always fighting so i don't even get it. you have someone that is always rooting for you and supports you but you constantly choose negative nelly. i don't get it. aita for feeling this way or am i overreacting?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
on mobile, so pls don't mind the formatting. my(25f) fiance(35m) and i have been together for 5 years, engaged for 1 and we have a great relationship. we tell each other everything. however, he tells his mother everything first. what irks me about it is that obviously couples confide in each other, i tell him things that i wouldn't tell anyone else but the problem is that he goes and tells his mother and it's annoying because nothing is personal. his excuse is that everyone has a person they tell things to, and where i feel he is my person, for him it's his mother. because of this, she knows things about me and my family that she most definitely shouldn't and it's uncomfortable for me. i don't care if she's my stbmil, i'm a very private person. now when something exciting happens in my life, sure i want to tell my friends/family but the very first person i get excited to tell is him. and it just sucks that over and over again, he shows me that even when something great happens for him, i'm always second. now, i don't know if i'm overreacting or anything but i'd like for him to feel the same way i do when it comes to sharing things. the reason this is bothering me today of all days is because my fiance has been unemployed for a couple of years, due to wanting to start something of his own. a few things didn't work out but i was working so it was okay but then earlier in the year, one of his business ventures were going really well and he asked me to quit my job to assist, i did. then things went south but whatever, i'm currently looking for a job and so was he. today, he had an interview and he was conducting it in the next room and his mother was further away in the kitchen (we had to move back here when covid hit), i'm mentioning this for context. when i heard him wrap up, i paused what i was watching so that i could hear how it went, lol stupid me, he walked right past the room and went to the kitchen to tell his mom about it. so, when i mention this to him he says, "well, if you really wanted to know, you could have come to kitchen to find out". i was right next door to you, seriously?! and it probably wouldn't get to me so much if she was nice to him all the time but she isn't. she's constantly on his ass and they're always fighting so i don't even get it. you have someone that is always rooting for you and supports you but you constantly choose negative nelly. i don't get it. aita for feeling this way or am i overreacting? [/INST] nta and run! of course normal bates-light started dating 20 yr old at 30, because how else do you get someone to join you and your mom in a co-dependent fuck-tangle? i guess the other option is kidnapping and brining misery into the mix. neither of them are going to change and you’re better off without them than being married to both of them. </s>
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AITA for telling my daughter that she cannot use her recent breakup to act like a brat?
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i (45m) am the father for five children - (18m,) (17f), (14f), (7m) and (5m).
their mother passed away shortly after the youngest's birth.
a week ago, my (14f) daughter went through a breakup with a boy from school. she was absolutely devastated, and i've tried to best to be there for her and listen and understand her needs. ever since the breakup, she's been acting like a completely different girl - she's rude to me and her siblings, has actively bullied the youngest, called her older sister a 'slut' because of her dating habits, and when i pull her aside and tell her to apologize, she rolls her eyes and refuses. every time i ask her why she's acting so badly, she always excuses it away with the breakup.
i have tried to sit her down and talk to her. i have tried go explain to her how hurtful words can be. she never listens. yesterday, she called her youngest brother a 'retard', and i snapped, which i don't usually do but after a week of the behaviour, i was ready to end it. i told her that breakups sucked and they hurt beyond belief, but that she was acting like a brat and it needed to end.
she got upset, stormed upstairs, and proceed to call her aunt (who helped me raise the kids after my wife's death), as she usually does when she feels like she can't talk to me about sensitive issues. they talked awhile, and then my sister (the aunt) called me and said that i needed to be more patient with her, since she'd just gone through her first major heartbreak, and that i shouldn't have snapped at her.
any insight? i will accept any fault.
| 14,879 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/khvcvw/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_that_she_cannot_use/
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2020-12-22 01:44:11
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nta, she should be watching romcoms and eating ben and jerry's icecream, she is using it as an excuse to bully and your sister is just re-enforcing that it's okay.
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nta- it's totally okay for your daughter to be upset after a heartbreak. i could even understand if she was a little short or snappy for a couple days because of it. but her flat out bullying behavior is unacceptable.
without knowing your family dynamic, my best guess as to what happened is that your daughter felt more comfortable talking to her aunt than she did to you about the breakup. maybe revealing something particularly hurtful that was said or done. so aunt is telling you to be more kind thinking you know all the same details. i could be totally off base but that was my first instinct.
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nta. she needs to learn that she can’t take out her feelings on other people. i’m sure she’s having a hard time, but it’s no excuse to bully her siblings.
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nah. the aunt obviously only got one side of the story.
your daughter is young, but she also needs to be responsible for her actions. i'd keep talking to her about her feelings, but also make it clear that unacceptable behavior will be punished.
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nta. it is not acceptable to use your pain as an excuse to inflict pain on others. this is a lesson she needs to learn.
that said, you should definitely still show her that you love her and can sympathize with her sadness.
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nta there is never an excuse to talk to her siblings like that, especially to use the r-word
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nah (okay, your daughter a little but being 14 and heartbroken is really, really hard), you need to help your daughter to understand that being hurt is not an excuse to lash out at other people and help her to emotionally regulate. some extra, quality time with you/aunt might help her as well - as other people have mentioned, losing one person makes you wonder if you'll lose the other people in your life as well, this may be why she is pushing all of you away.
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nta, you have other kids to think about too and she's affecting them. it would be easier if it was just her on her own. maybe the aunt can help talk to her and give you some tips on how to carry on supporting her, especially now when you feel like you've had enough! good luck.
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also using the r word is not ok.
just because you are hurting doesn't give you the right to use slurs.
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nta. although yes being gentle helps through a first breakup, she is lashing out for zero reason. it’s one thing to be holed up in your room crying that you won’t come out, but calling names and being rude is not part of healthy coping.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.002566 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (45m) am the father for five children - (18m,) (17f), (14f), (7m) and (5m). their mother passed away shortly after the youngest's birth. a week ago, my (14f) daughter went through a breakup with a boy from school. she was absolutely devastated, and i've tried to best to be there for her and listen and understand her needs. ever since the breakup, she's been acting like a completely different girl - she's rude to me and her siblings, has actively bullied the youngest, called her older sister a 'slut' because of her dating habits, and when i pull her aside and tell her to apologize, she rolls her eyes and refuses. every time i ask her why she's acting so badly, she always excuses it away with the breakup. i have tried to sit her down and talk to her. i have tried go explain to her how hurtful words can be. she never listens. yesterday, she called her youngest brother a 'retard', and i snapped, which i don't usually do but after a week of the behaviour, i was ready to end it. i told her that breakups sucked and they hurt beyond belief, but that she was acting like a brat and it needed to end. she got upset, stormed upstairs, and proceed to call her aunt (who helped me raise the kids after my wife's death), as she usually does when she feels like she can't talk to me about sensitive issues. they talked awhile, and then my sister (the aunt) called me and said that i needed to be more patient with her, since she'd just gone through her first major heartbreak, and that i shouldn't have snapped at her. any insight? i will accept any fault.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (45m) am the father for five children - (18m,) (17f), (14f), (7m) and (5m). their mother passed away shortly after the youngest's birth. a week ago, my (14f) daughter went through a breakup with a boy from school. she was absolutely devastated, and i've tried to best to be there for her and listen and understand her needs. ever since the breakup, she's been acting like a completely different girl - she's rude to me and her siblings, has actively bullied the youngest, called her older sister a 'slut' because of her dating habits, and when i pull her aside and tell her to apologize, she rolls her eyes and refuses. every time i ask her why she's acting so badly, she always excuses it away with the breakup. i have tried to sit her down and talk to her. i have tried go explain to her how hurtful words can be. she never listens. yesterday, she called her youngest brother a 'retard', and i snapped, which i don't usually do but after a week of the behaviour, i was ready to end it. i told her that breakups sucked and they hurt beyond belief, but that she was acting like a brat and it needed to end. she got upset, stormed upstairs, and proceed to call her aunt (who helped me raise the kids after my wife's death), as she usually does when she feels like she can't talk to me about sensitive issues. they talked awhile, and then my sister (the aunt) called me and said that i needed to be more patient with her, since she'd just gone through her first major heartbreak, and that i shouldn't have snapped at her. any insight? i will accept any fault. [/INST] nta, she should be watching romcoms and eating ben and jerry's icecream, she is using it as an excuse to bully and your sister is just re-enforcing that it's okay. </s>
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AITA for changing my password?
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my bf (33m) (now ex) has always had the password to all of my online accounts and apps. i have never had access to his. i (48f) just recently purchased an xbox one to be able to play rockband 4. i also have purchased all the instruments and dlc that go along with the game. my bf and i play rb together most of the time but i play frequently without him. his interest in the game is not the same as mine. he has not paid for any of the instruments/dlc/or even microsoftlive subscriptions. a few days ago he got a new xbox one for himself. while i was asleep, he transferred all of my rb dlc to his console. he actually went as far as to save my entire xboxlive profile to his device without saying a word to me. i only found out the next day when we attempted to play online together but the music was still in queue. he said i shouldn’t be upset because we share everything and i leave my account signed in on my xbox all the time anyway. i immediately changed the password to my account...all of my accounts. he was furious when he found out the next day. aita for changing my password? i for sure would have shared all my music with him. i just feel he should have asked before taking the liberty. i would never get into his account without asking even if i could. he didn’t even tell me after the fact he did it. i might never have found out what he did if the transfer hadn’t paused overnight. also, on a side note, he went through my entire friends list, and chats, and added all the people i play with online as his friend...
| 729 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gykq99/aita_for_changing_my_password/
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2020-06-07 21:14:49
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nta. he stole your account by copying it. he decided to be a creep so you cut off his access. you can't trust him after he stole your entire account to go through it. good on you for leaving him.
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he's your ex and he's mad that you....don't want him logging into your accounts? nta, but seriously what is this post?
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nta: glad to hear he is your ex. i know people say and think it's just games. but he should have asked.
and good for you for changing the all passwords. no telling what he could have gotten his hands on.
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> he said he couldn’t trust me because i changed my password.
classic "blame the victim" strategy. the truth is that you changed your password because *you* can't trust *him*, but he's twisting this around to make it somehow your fault.
nta, definitely, and i'm glad to hear that he's now your **ex**bf.
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nta
he stole what you loved and got infuriated when you took it away.
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nta. husband and i game together and share most things account wise but we always ask first and never assume even though we know each other's passwords. it's basic respect and trust. never just assume.
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nta. this is model abusive behaviour
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we broke up because of this situation. he said he couldn’t trust me because i changed my password. our 3yr relationship ended because of rockband.
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nta you did the right thing
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nta. be grateful for this situation because it helped you dodge a bullet. dude is 33. if he spies on you and gets bent out of shape over trivial shit, imagine how bad he‘d be about things that actually matter.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my bf (33m) (now ex) has always had the password to all of my online accounts and apps. i have never had access to his. i (48f) just recently purchased an xbox one to be able to play rockband 4. i also have purchased all the instruments and dlc that go along with the game. my bf and i play rb together most of the time but i play frequently without him. his interest in the game is not the same as mine. he has not paid for any of the instruments/dlc/or even microsoftlive subscriptions. a few days ago he got a new xbox one for himself. while i was asleep, he transferred all of my rb dlc to his console. he actually went as far as to save my entire xboxlive profile to his device without saying a word to me. i only found out the next day when we attempted to play online together but the music was still in queue. he said i shouldn’t be upset because we share everything and i leave my account signed in on my xbox all the time anyway. i immediately changed the password to my account...all of my accounts. he was furious when he found out the next day. aita for changing my password? i for sure would have shared all my music with him. i just feel he should have asked before taking the liberty. i would never get into his account without asking even if i could. he didn’t even tell me after the fact he did it. i might never have found out what he did if the transfer hadn’t paused overnight. also, on a side note, he went through my entire friends list, and chats, and added all the people i play with online as his friend...
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my bf (33m) (now ex) has always had the password to all of my online accounts and apps. i have never had access to his. i (48f) just recently purchased an xbox one to be able to play rockband 4. i also have purchased all the instruments and dlc that go along with the game. my bf and i play rb together most of the time but i play frequently without him. his interest in the game is not the same as mine. he has not paid for any of the instruments/dlc/or even microsoftlive subscriptions. a few days ago he got a new xbox one for himself. while i was asleep, he transferred all of my rb dlc to his console. he actually went as far as to save my entire xboxlive profile to his device without saying a word to me. i only found out the next day when we attempted to play online together but the music was still in queue. he said i shouldn’t be upset because we share everything and i leave my account signed in on my xbox all the time anyway. i immediately changed the password to my account...all of my accounts. he was furious when he found out the next day. aita for changing my password? i for sure would have shared all my music with him. i just feel he should have asked before taking the liberty. i would never get into his account without asking even if i could. he didn’t even tell me after the fact he did it. i might never have found out what he did if the transfer hadn’t paused overnight. also, on a side note, he went through my entire friends list, and chats, and added all the people i play with online as his friend... [/INST] nta. he stole your account by copying it. he decided to be a creep so you cut off his access. you can't trust him after he stole your entire account to go through it. good on you for leaving him. </s>
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AITA for saying a girl had nothing to shake when she twerked in front of me (without consent)
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ugh, hate the word. i don’t have a close relationship with this girl, we have never and, by the looks of it, won’t ever been friends.
i walked over to the bin just as lunch ended and this girl, clearly having a good time with all of her friends, i passed over and said hello as i proceeded to put the trash in the bin, she suddenly started to twerk ask i asked her to move out of the way so i could get to the trash in a way that she was trying to make me see (no she doesn’t like me and i’ve made it clear that i am gay), i walked away saying ‘there’s nothing to shake’.
i’ve had quite mixed reactions since then.
| 1,676 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iu0znv/aita_for_saying_a_girl_had_nothing_to_shake_when/
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2020-09-16 18:08:24
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nta
you are my idol from here on out.
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nta, why twerk in the lunch room?!
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nta, she sexually harassed you in public.
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nta some people are just dumb like straight up stupid
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it’s normally rude to body shame buuutt i’d do the same thing 😂
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esh but my god, that’s funny.
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[deleted]
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nta, but since it seems you're probably fairly young and you've got a bunch of strangers online congratulating you for this--it's generally considered poor form to insult someone's physical appearance because you don't like their behavior.
just saying.
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i mean let's be honest, esh, but god damn that's hilarious
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esh but i’m not gonna lie, that’s funny. this is kind of the equivalent of saying “i don’t think i’d be able to find it” to a dude asking you to look at his dick.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
ESH
| null |
NTA
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ESH
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ESH
| 0.229769 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ugh, hate the word. i don’t have a close relationship with this girl, we have never and, by the looks of it, won’t ever been friends. i walked over to the bin just as lunch ended and this girl, clearly having a good time with all of her friends, i passed over and said hello as i proceeded to put the trash in the bin, she suddenly started to twerk ask i asked her to move out of the way so i could get to the trash in a way that she was trying to make me see (no she doesn’t like me and i’ve made it clear that i am gay), i walked away saying ‘there’s nothing to shake’. i’ve had quite mixed reactions since then.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ugh, hate the word. i don’t have a close relationship with this girl, we have never and, by the looks of it, won’t ever been friends. i walked over to the bin just as lunch ended and this girl, clearly having a good time with all of her friends, i passed over and said hello as i proceeded to put the trash in the bin, she suddenly started to twerk ask i asked her to move out of the way so i could get to the trash in a way that she was trying to make me see (no she doesn’t like me and i’ve made it clear that i am gay), i walked away saying ‘there’s nothing to shake’. i’ve had quite mixed reactions since then. [/INST] nta you are my idol from here on out. </s>
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AITA for farting to get my sister and her friends out of the room?
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my parents said that i (17m) could use the xbox in our main living room area for the day.
my sister (19f) had been using it for most of the week so it was my turn. well lockdown has been eased so we can invite friends over and she invited 2 of her friends.
as i was playing xbox , they came in and asked to use it. i said that it's my turn and that they've had their chance. she then refused to leave and said she would annoy me.
i'd eaten egg fried rice beforehand so i knew a stinker was coming if i let it rip. i just let out a huge fart and then another one for good measure. my sis and her friends started screeching and ran out of the room and didn't disturb me after that.
it smelled very eggy tbh.
after she said i was an ah but i thought it was useful. aita?
| 1,069 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hgs25m/aita_for_farting_to_get_my_sister_and_her_friends/
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2020-06-27 11:36:23
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nta. she was threatening to annoy you out of your turn because she felt entitled, you simply did what you needed to get her off your case.
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nta - my brother had a ‘smell jar’ where he’d save up his best ones to unleash on me at a later date so it could have been worse for her. maybe now she’ll learn to share and wait her turn...
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nta. you used the toots you had available to resolve the situation.
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i mean nta but eww dude
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nta
genius and effective.
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yta. bio-weapons are illegal.
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nta that’s pretty funny. i’d have done it ahaha.
she needed to respect that it’s your turn.
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nta and my sisters and i have all done this to each other and some point. and i’m pretty sure if we were ever in this predicament again in our now late 30s/40s one of us would surely handle it the same way. it’s a sibling thing i guess.
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nta. i am not like omg, i love farts, but whenever someone lets one rip, it makes me giggle. the audacity cracks me up. i wish i could fart on command
dude, your sister has issues. i saw her post in reaction to yours. i don’t even see how this is an issue. my mother even farted in our presence. maybe covid is getting to everyone, but let it go.
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updoot for your toot
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my parents said that i (17m) could use the xbox in our main living room area for the day. my sister (19f) had been using it for most of the week so it was my turn. well lockdown has been eased so we can invite friends over and she invited 2 of her friends. as i was playing xbox , they came in and asked to use it. i said that it's my turn and that they've had their chance. she then refused to leave and said she would annoy me. i'd eaten egg fried rice beforehand so i knew a stinker was coming if i let it rip. i just let out a huge fart and then another one for good measure. my sis and her friends started screeching and ran out of the room and didn't disturb me after that. it smelled very eggy tbh. after she said i was an ah but i thought it was useful. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my parents said that i (17m) could use the xbox in our main living room area for the day. my sister (19f) had been using it for most of the week so it was my turn. well lockdown has been eased so we can invite friends over and she invited 2 of her friends. as i was playing xbox , they came in and asked to use it. i said that it's my turn and that they've had their chance. she then refused to leave and said she would annoy me. i'd eaten egg fried rice beforehand so i knew a stinker was coming if i let it rip. i just let out a huge fart and then another one for good measure. my sis and her friends started screeching and ran out of the room and didn't disturb me after that. it smelled very eggy tbh. after she said i was an ah but i thought it was useful. aita? [/INST] nta. she was threatening to annoy you out of your turn because she felt entitled, you simply did what you needed to get her off your case. </s>
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WIBTA For going on holidays without my pregnant girlfriend?
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this year we are planning a 2-weeker surf trip with my mate and my gf would tag along. the trip is in 6 months from now but we recently found out my girlfriend is pregnant and she would certainly not be able to join.
i get very little holidays every year due to a demanding job and when we go on holidays i pay for everything.
i am planning now to still carry on with the trip and go just with my mate. this is a dream holiday i've been looking forward to for years.
to make up for it i am offering my girlfriend to go on a long week-end somewhere nice this summer instead. she will have her mom/dad around anyway to take care of her if i am away for 2 weeks.
wibta?
| 312 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bhwvgr/wibta_for_going_on_holidays_without_my_pregnant/
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2019-04-27 07:53:15
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yta
you're bailing on your pregnant girlfriend so that you can go hang out with your buddy for two weeks.
you need to get your priorities straight before this baby comes.
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yta
if your girlfriend just found out she’s pregnant, then she’s already 1-2 months. your vacation is 6 months from now, putting her in her third trimester when you plan on leaving her for 2 weeks. why don’t you just plan the dream vacation next year? you said your girlfriend was initially included, right? it seems like you’re putting her in a pretty precarious position. she’s not the only one who helped make a baby but it seems like she’s the one who has to trade off an entire holiday.
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yta. she’s literally about to sacrifice her body and comfort for the next 8-9 months so that she can bring your child into the world, but you can’t postpone a 2 week vacation? if you want to show her that you’re a real partner, then you’ll go another time when she can go with you.
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yta.
my dad went on a hunting trip when my mom was about 7.75 months pregnant with me. i decided to come early. my mom almost died and he was fucking around in the woods with his buddies. the person who was with my mother for my delivery was the 80 year old neighbor lady who discovered my mom was in trouble and called the ambulance. my mom hated my dad forever because of that and she never trusted him to do right by her after that. don't be like my asshole dad: cancel your fucking plans.
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yta. dude, she'll be six months pregnant and you'll just bail on her? not okay.
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yta you got pregnant together, this is your responsibility too. she's likely to be feeling quite overwhelmed at 6 months, and will likely need support.
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yta - you can take a vacation another time dude. you're on track to be a father, it's time to start acting like one.
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yta you wanna leave her for 2 full weeks and then "treat her to a long weekend" after she's had the baby? get a fucking grip
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yta especially if you're going to go even if she doesn't want you to go.
but let me share this. i have a son who's 7 months old now. my pregnancy was rough.
it didn't start being super rough until the second and third trimester and i needed my fiancé a lot. for example, by the time my belly was huge it was really hard for me to get out of bed on my own. i felt like a turtle stuck on it's back. sometimes i'd need help getting out of our couch that sank. while he was at work i'd only sit in one chair that i knew i could get out of on my own. it felt like most mobility tasks became teamwork. even putting on my shoes was a big task when i couldn't even see my feet anymore.
around my second trimester i had gestational diabetes despite not being overweight and having been healthy. doctor told me it could just happen depending on genetics and stuff. well when my blood sugar would get low i'd get really dizzy and sick. i'd need help with someone getting me food asap or i felt i'd pass out or feel really weak.and this combined with having food aversions and throwing up a lot just do to hypermesis (extremely severe morning sickness that lasts all day) made me feel almost constantly ill.
i'd need his help showering because when you take showers it can cause changes in blood pressure. the immediate change would cause me to have floaters in my vision and feel dizzy and i was worried i'd fall, so i liked having him there just in case. the other two issues maybe my parents/ a friend could have helped me with, but as a grown adult i definitely wouldn't have felt comfortable with my mom or dad being the one to help me shower.
and there's always the case of a serious complication or baby deciding to come early. i was rushed to the hospital one night because of severe cramping and bleeding. i thought i was going into early labor. if my fiancé hadn't been there i don't know what i'd have done, he was my support. luckily things were fine but i needed his support especially his support since this was his child too.
of course i hope your girlfriend has a very easy pregnancy and all goes well. not all women suffer complications like i did. but the point is that you literally never know. i was totally fine my entire first trimester besides your general morning sickness and then everything slapped me in the face at once. she could be fine now and not be in a few months and you have absolutely no way of knowing that.
even if she doesn't have morning sickness or gd or anything else just the physical limitations of being pregnant can require help. you can get very emotional as well and anytime you even think something might be wrong you expect the worse. it can also be very frustrating when you know you're emotional over something stupid, or you start hating the foods and stuff you used to love, and you can't even tie your shoes on your own, it's emotionally frustrating.
so she's going to need you emotionally and most likely physically as time goes on. these were things i needed from my fiancé. it's not a type of support that my friends or parents could give, it's not the same. when he'd help me it would make me feel like a partnership, like i wasn't suffering alone through it.
so yes leaving her to deal with everything while you get to go have fun isn't fair to her and it's not being a supportive partner or parent.
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why don't you also just go on ~long weekend, somewhere nice with your buddy? since like four days and two weeks are apparently close enough.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this year we are planning a 2-weeker surf trip with my mate and my gf would tag along. the trip is in 6 months from now but we recently found out my girlfriend is pregnant and she would certainly not be able to join. i get very little holidays every year due to a demanding job and when we go on holidays i pay for everything. i am planning now to still carry on with the trip and go just with my mate. this is a dream holiday i've been looking forward to for years. to make up for it i am offering my girlfriend to go on a long week-end somewhere nice this summer instead. she will have her mom/dad around anyway to take care of her if i am away for 2 weeks. wibta?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this year we are planning a 2-weeker surf trip with my mate and my gf would tag along. the trip is in 6 months from now but we recently found out my girlfriend is pregnant and she would certainly not be able to join. i get very little holidays every year due to a demanding job and when we go on holidays i pay for everything. i am planning now to still carry on with the trip and go just with my mate. this is a dream holiday i've been looking forward to for years. to make up for it i am offering my girlfriend to go on a long week-end somewhere nice this summer instead. she will have her mom/dad around anyway to take care of her if i am away for 2 weeks. wibta? [/INST] yta you're bailing on your pregnant girlfriend so that you can go hang out with your buddy for two weeks. you need to get your priorities straight before this baby comes. </s>
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AITA for saying my mother’s partner can’t stay with me even though I have the space?
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i recently moved into a 2 bedroom flat with sam, my long term partner, in london. i am finishing my degree and sam works full time. because it is a major city, the flat is very small, about the size of some studios or one bedrooms in the states or smaller cities in europe.
my mother is planning is on visiting me in 2 months with my infant half-sister. i’m looking forward to her visit, however, my mother is making it one of her conditions of her visit that i host two of her friends as well. i don’t know these friends and my mother has only known them for maybe a year.
i have issues with this because: i don’t feel comfortable leaving strangers alone in my flat while i’m gone for the day (i have work and university), sam is uncomfortable with strangers in the flat, i don’t have extra keys, sam and i enjoy our privacy, and there’s also very little space (these friends would need to stay on my sofa). apparently my mother has already promised these ‘friends’ a free place to stay in london. my mother doesn’t pay me and my partner’s bills, so i find this request/demand to be incredibly rude.
however, my mother is making me feel like a total dick. she’s said that because she’s hosted myself and sam (when i went back home to introduce my partner to my family), i should host her and two strangers.
part of me feels like my mother doesn’t even want to see me, that she just wants a cheap holiday. my mother said that the only way that she’d visit me is if she could bring her friends.
aita for telling my mom that i can’t host her when she comes to my city?
tl;dr: my mother is planning to visit me, but only if i host her friends as well. am i a major asshole for saying no?
| 362 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e8wucs/aita_for_saying_my_mothers_partner_cant_stay_with/
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2019-12-10 21:14:13
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nta. your home, your rules. your mother was the asshole for promising them a place to stay that wasn't hers.
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nta ! this is your place . your place is suppose to be a safe place so you’re fine with not wanting random strangers in your safe place! your mom seems to only want to see you because of a free place
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nta
> however, my mother is making it one of her conditions of her visit that i host two of her friends as well
"that's unfortunate because one of my conditions is people who don't live here don't get to make conditions. family only. "
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nta
your mom is an asshole for treating your space like her own and making promises to her friends that she couldn't fulfill, let alone the fact that she never consulted you about this before hand. it does not make you an asshole to have boundaries. you have communicated these reasonable and logical boundaries to your mom who is making the choice to not accept them. classic asshole move.
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nta. she's making this one of the conditions of her visit? why does she have any conditions at all to visit her own daughter? she sounds like a huge mooch if she'll only visit if she's getting something in return. if this was a partner (as you state in the title but i saw in your comments that they're just friends), i would say it's different because she hosted you and your partner that she'd never met, but you shouldn't have to host two people that your mom hasn't even known very long.
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let me get this straight. your mom wants you to host her, her two friends and an infant with you and your partner in a one bedroom? and she already told her friends it would be free? nta at all. if it was for a quick overnight, maybe. but not for an extended visit and not without your permission.
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nta.. it's your place and it can't fit that many people. easy answer.
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info: title doesn't match narrative. is it two friends, or someone your mom is in a relationship with and their child?
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nta. if your mom thinks you should arrange your own accommodations when you come to visit her from now on, fine! doesn't mean she gets to demand you make your home available to her on her terms, let alone additional strangers.
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nta - you mom is being incredibly manipulative. you don't give gifts (like hosting) then use them to manipulate your loved one's later. you also don't put conditions on stuff like visiting. if she couldn't afford to visit you without staying with you, that is really sad, but not on you.
she isn't only disrespecting you, but also sam. then she is disrespecting you again by disrespecting your relationship on top of that.
stick to your boundaries. you are not respondsible for her feelings. "mom, i am not comfortable hosting your friends. i'm sorry you promised them free accommodations, but i did not. they will have to find somewhere else to stay. you and sister are still welcome. if you decide not to come because of this, i will be sad to miss you, but i understand." make sure at no point to throw sam under the bus, or really mention her in anyway so that your mom can focus on her. sometimes moms tend to think "it's not my own kid that is saying no, it's their evil partner who has changed them!!", especially when the mom tends to be manipulative like this. if your mom asks what sam thinks of all this, just stick to your guns "that really doesn't matter, i already said i'm not comfortable with it, so it's not happening."
if she throws that you stayed with her for free say "its disappointing you are using something like that to try to make me feel bad. it just makes me feel i can't come stay with you in the future if your going to use it against me like this."
good luck op.
edut: typos
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i recently moved into a 2 bedroom flat with sam, my long term partner, in london. i am finishing my degree and sam works full time. because it is a major city, the flat is very small, about the size of some studios or one bedrooms in the states or smaller cities in europe. my mother is planning is on visiting me in 2 months with my infant half-sister. i’m looking forward to her visit, however, my mother is making it one of her conditions of her visit that i host two of her friends as well. i don’t know these friends and my mother has only known them for maybe a year. i have issues with this because: i don’t feel comfortable leaving strangers alone in my flat while i’m gone for the day (i have work and university), sam is uncomfortable with strangers in the flat, i don’t have extra keys, sam and i enjoy our privacy, and there’s also very little space (these friends would need to stay on my sofa). apparently my mother has already promised these ‘friends’ a free place to stay in london. my mother doesn’t pay me and my partner’s bills, so i find this request/demand to be incredibly rude. however, my mother is making me feel like a total dick. she’s said that because she’s hosted myself and sam (when i went back home to introduce my partner to my family), i should host her and two strangers. part of me feels like my mother doesn’t even want to see me, that she just wants a cheap holiday. my mother said that the only way that she’d visit me is if she could bring her friends. aita for telling my mom that i can’t host her when she comes to my city? tl;dr: my mother is planning to visit me, but only if i host her friends as well. am i a major asshole for saying no?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i recently moved into a 2 bedroom flat with sam, my long term partner, in london. i am finishing my degree and sam works full time. because it is a major city, the flat is very small, about the size of some studios or one bedrooms in the states or smaller cities in europe. my mother is planning is on visiting me in 2 months with my infant half-sister. i’m looking forward to her visit, however, my mother is making it one of her conditions of her visit that i host two of her friends as well. i don’t know these friends and my mother has only known them for maybe a year. i have issues with this because: i don’t feel comfortable leaving strangers alone in my flat while i’m gone for the day (i have work and university), sam is uncomfortable with strangers in the flat, i don’t have extra keys, sam and i enjoy our privacy, and there’s also very little space (these friends would need to stay on my sofa). apparently my mother has already promised these ‘friends’ a free place to stay in london. my mother doesn’t pay me and my partner’s bills, so i find this request/demand to be incredibly rude. however, my mother is making me feel like a total dick. she’s said that because she’s hosted myself and sam (when i went back home to introduce my partner to my family), i should host her and two strangers. part of me feels like my mother doesn’t even want to see me, that she just wants a cheap holiday. my mother said that the only way that she’d visit me is if she could bring her friends. aita for telling my mom that i can’t host her when she comes to my city? tl;dr: my mother is planning to visit me, but only if i host her friends as well. am i a major asshole for saying no? [/INST] nta. your home, your rules. your mother was the asshole for promising them a place to stay that wasn't hers. </s>
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AITA for wanting to move out?
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yesterday, one of my roommates “pranked” me and my other roommate. let’s call the one that “pranked” us lucy and the other roommate andrea. me and andrea recently got a new kitten which is now six months old, i’ve caught lucy trying to feed my kitten serrano peppers, and calling her dirty and nasty, which already doesn’t make me like her. now, yesterday me and andrea went on a quick grocery run to get our kitten some food. lucy then calls andrea frantically saying that our cat fell from the eighth floor (where we live) and that our kitten has died. she even sent us a picture of our cat on the little crevice in our juliet balcony (which i had told her the day before to not allow her on there) so of course we started to freak out. andrea started nervously laughing asking her multiple times if this was a joke and lucy said that it wasn’t and that she had called management to dispose of our kittens stiff body. she kept describing the body and kept giving very detailed descriptions of what “was going on”. after sobbing for around twenty minutes in the car, me and andrea finally got the courage to go up to our apartment just to find our kitten looking out the window and lucy sitting in the couch laughing at us. i am now heavily considering moving but andrea said that i’m doing too much. i do not feel safe leaving my kitten with her around. i haven’t told anyone else about my plans of moving out but i’m sure i would be the asshole in their eyes for making lucy seem like a bad person because of this “joke”
| 889 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rwgceg/aita_for_wanting_to_move_out/
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2022-01-05 06:35:53
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nta that's not a prank, that's psychological abuse. gtf out of there. and no, you should not feel safe leaving your kitten with her.
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lucy is a bad person.
this wasn't a joke, it was emotional torture and it was cruel.
i would push to make her move out instead.
nta, but lucy is...
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nta - move out, let her deal with herself, she'll wide up in jail from the sounds of it for animal abuse. feeding a kitten peppers? being this cruel? she sounds like a walking nightmare.
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nta. lucy's not joking. she considers it delightful fun to cause both you *and* your cat pain, whether that's physical or emotional. to hell with doing this quietly and subtly: find somewhere safe for kitty to stay until you have a new place lined up, or just see if a different friend will let both of you crash on a couch for a few days, and wish andrea good luck dealing with ms. psycho. she's going to need it.
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nta and i wouldn’t stay. that’s not a prank. that’s sociopathic behavior. and i for damn sure wouldn’t leave your pet alone with her ever again. i would seriously consider having the kitten stay with a friend if one of you can’t be with her.
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nta, lucy is a disturbed personand a major ah. do what you need to do to get yourself and kitty away from her.
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lucy is a bad person and if andrea doesn’t see that, then you should just move out. with the kitten. ideally it would be you and andrea forcing lucy out, but apparently andrea has no spine. nta.
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nta. this is neither a joke nor a prank. lucy enjoys torturing this kitten and you. this level of lack of empathy is a sign of psychopathy. move out asap with the kitten.
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nta. if they’re gonna think you’re an asshole for removing your animal from a dangerous environment i say fuck it, be an asshole. id rather look like a jackass than risk my cat being abused by someone who is already showing signs of being abusive. that cannot be considered a joke on any level. please get kitten and you out of here asap.
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nta - not only would i consider moving out but depending on your living arrangements, i would report this to the relevant people. this isn’t a prank or a joke, this is sociopathic behaviour. if she thinks this is a joke i’d hate to think what she is capable of actually doing.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: yesterday, one of my roommates “pranked” me and my other roommate. let’s call the one that “pranked” us lucy and the other roommate andrea. me and andrea recently got a new kitten which is now six months old, i’ve caught lucy trying to feed my kitten serrano peppers, and calling her dirty and nasty, which already doesn’t make me like her. now, yesterday me and andrea went on a quick grocery run to get our kitten some food. lucy then calls andrea frantically saying that our cat fell from the eighth floor (where we live) and that our kitten has died. she even sent us a picture of our cat on the little crevice in our juliet balcony (which i had told her the day before to not allow her on there) so of course we started to freak out. andrea started nervously laughing asking her multiple times if this was a joke and lucy said that it wasn’t and that she had called management to dispose of our kittens stiff body. she kept describing the body and kept giving very detailed descriptions of what “was going on”. after sobbing for around twenty minutes in the car, me and andrea finally got the courage to go up to our apartment just to find our kitten looking out the window and lucy sitting in the couch laughing at us. i am now heavily considering moving but andrea said that i’m doing too much. i do not feel safe leaving my kitten with her around. i haven’t told anyone else about my plans of moving out but i’m sure i would be the asshole in their eyes for making lucy seem like a bad person because of this “joke”
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
yesterday, one of my roommates “pranked” me and my other roommate. let’s call the one that “pranked” us lucy and the other roommate andrea. me and andrea recently got a new kitten which is now six months old, i’ve caught lucy trying to feed my kitten serrano peppers, and calling her dirty and nasty, which already doesn’t make me like her. now, yesterday me and andrea went on a quick grocery run to get our kitten some food. lucy then calls andrea frantically saying that our cat fell from the eighth floor (where we live) and that our kitten has died. she even sent us a picture of our cat on the little crevice in our juliet balcony (which i had told her the day before to not allow her on there) so of course we started to freak out. andrea started nervously laughing asking her multiple times if this was a joke and lucy said that it wasn’t and that she had called management to dispose of our kittens stiff body. she kept describing the body and kept giving very detailed descriptions of what “was going on”. after sobbing for around twenty minutes in the car, me and andrea finally got the courage to go up to our apartment just to find our kitten looking out the window and lucy sitting in the couch laughing at us. i am now heavily considering moving but andrea said that i’m doing too much. i do not feel safe leaving my kitten with her around. i haven’t told anyone else about my plans of moving out but i’m sure i would be the asshole in their eyes for making lucy seem like a bad person because of this “joke” [/INST] nta that's not a prank, that's psychological abuse. gtf out of there. and no, you should not feel safe leaving your kitten with her. </s>
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AITA for not praying?
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i (20f) have been atheist/agnostic for the last 5 years or so. i grew up in a catholic household and went through trauma within the church. after a lot of research and soul-searching, i left religion completely.
both of my parents are still religious. i still attend church with them on major holidays if they want me too. i try to be as respectful as possible but do not pray while in church. my grandparents are still religious as well and about once a year, they ask everybody to go to church with them. this happened this last weekend for their anniversary. because of the big c, our family was the only one in the church with the pastor (we’re all vaccinated besides the children). it was my family, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, and cousins. a rather large group. the service was exactly the same as it would be. the entire service, i did not pray. i would just bow my head. my entire family knows about my beliefs.
at one point, they called the children up for the prayer. the pastor gave all of them a turn with the mic to share who they’re praying for. since it was just my younger cousins, i figured they would pray for my grandma’s upcoming heart surgery or my grandpa’s knee issues. all but one did. my cousin, k (8f), pointed her finger at me and said, “i’m praying for my cousin scootersgod because she doesn’t believe anymore.” i was embarrassed and my family was too.
after the service, the pastor kept bombarding me with questions. i asked her politely to respect my beliefs and i was just here for my grandparents. my uncle, k’s dad, then pulled me aside and lectured me for not praying and that’s probably why i don’t believe. he said i’m a bad example for his children. i told him that i have my beliefs and i still respect everybody else’s and he should too and should teach his children too as well.
my dad (who is very supportive) said that i wasn’t ta and that his brother was. my mom said i was ta because i should’ve just prayed. so, aita?
| 959 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nr84rq/aita_for_not_praying/
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2021-06-03 08:06:45
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nta, and good on your dad for having your back. you did nothing wrong as you were respectful of theirs beliefs, and still attending to support. i don’t think it’s much to ask that they do the same for you.
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why do i have a weird feeling that your 8 year old cousin didn't just decide that out of the blue by themselves. sounds more like an adult told her to say that.
nta. listen to your dad, he speaks the truth. it was not your fault, the uncle was the ah. it's amazing how resentful and hateful some religious people can be just because you're not one of them. disgusting.
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nta.
don't do things you don't want to.
it is that simple.
at the end of the day it only matters if you were a good person or not.
that what matters.
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nta
religion (or lack thereof) is very personal thing. it's no one's business that you are not praying. you were acting respectful in the church and that was enough.
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nta - is praying when you don’t believe it not worse?
your basically pretending, wouldn’t that be worse?
also your catholic priest is a woman? i thought the catholic church didn’t allow that?
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i’m a christian, and i’m very sorry to hear you were treated like that. how disrespectful of your uncle. you’re definitely nta.
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nta. it’s true that you could’ve put on a show to keep the peace, but you shouldn’t have to. you respect their beliefs and they should respect yours.
even if they were concerned for you spiritually or whatever, they shouldn’t be lashing out and bombarding you.
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so they think forcing you to fake pray is going to fix the problem as they see it? they really are \*sses, aren't they? your 8yr cousin, her father who put her up to it, and the pastor are awful for trying to pressure you into belief, and your mother for saying you should just go along with it. keep your own faith in what you believe or don't. nta
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what would a female pastor be doing in a catholic church?
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nta, you're being way more accommodating than i would be in the same situation. i guess you could pray, "i pray that we can all reach a greater understanding and celebrate our similarities and differences." this doesn't have to be directed at a higher being.
praying is just hoping, after all - from a personal opinion/point of view. i've never had religion so i am trying not to show any disrespect here to anyone who is religious and has their own view on what praying is/does.
it's one word which means a lot to them and nothing to you so it won't make a huge amount of difference to use it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (20f) have been atheist/agnostic for the last 5 years or so. i grew up in a catholic household and went through trauma within the church. after a lot of research and soul-searching, i left religion completely. both of my parents are still religious. i still attend church with them on major holidays if they want me too. i try to be as respectful as possible but do not pray while in church. my grandparents are still religious as well and about once a year, they ask everybody to go to church with them. this happened this last weekend for their anniversary. because of the big c, our family was the only one in the church with the pastor (we’re all vaccinated besides the children). it was my family, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, and cousins. a rather large group. the service was exactly the same as it would be. the entire service, i did not pray. i would just bow my head. my entire family knows about my beliefs. at one point, they called the children up for the prayer. the pastor gave all of them a turn with the mic to share who they’re praying for. since it was just my younger cousins, i figured they would pray for my grandma’s upcoming heart surgery or my grandpa’s knee issues. all but one did. my cousin, k (8f), pointed her finger at me and said, “i’m praying for my cousin scootersgod because she doesn’t believe anymore.” i was embarrassed and my family was too. after the service, the pastor kept bombarding me with questions. i asked her politely to respect my beliefs and i was just here for my grandparents. my uncle, k’s dad, then pulled me aside and lectured me for not praying and that’s probably why i don’t believe. he said i’m a bad example for his children. i told him that i have my beliefs and i still respect everybody else’s and he should too and should teach his children too as well. my dad (who is very supportive) said that i wasn’t ta and that his brother was. my mom said i was ta because i should’ve just prayed. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (20f) have been atheist/agnostic for the last 5 years or so. i grew up in a catholic household and went through trauma within the church. after a lot of research and soul-searching, i left religion completely. both of my parents are still religious. i still attend church with them on major holidays if they want me too. i try to be as respectful as possible but do not pray while in church. my grandparents are still religious as well and about once a year, they ask everybody to go to church with them. this happened this last weekend for their anniversary. because of the big c, our family was the only one in the church with the pastor (we’re all vaccinated besides the children). it was my family, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, and cousins. a rather large group. the service was exactly the same as it would be. the entire service, i did not pray. i would just bow my head. my entire family knows about my beliefs. at one point, they called the children up for the prayer. the pastor gave all of them a turn with the mic to share who they’re praying for. since it was just my younger cousins, i figured they would pray for my grandma’s upcoming heart surgery or my grandpa’s knee issues. all but one did. my cousin, k (8f), pointed her finger at me and said, “i’m praying for my cousin scootersgod because she doesn’t believe anymore.” i was embarrassed and my family was too. after the service, the pastor kept bombarding me with questions. i asked her politely to respect my beliefs and i was just here for my grandparents. my uncle, k’s dad, then pulled me aside and lectured me for not praying and that’s probably why i don’t believe. he said i’m a bad example for his children. i told him that i have my beliefs and i still respect everybody else’s and he should too and should teach his children too as well. my dad (who is very supportive) said that i wasn’t ta and that his brother was. my mom said i was ta because i should’ve just prayed. so, aita? [/INST] nta, and good on your dad for having your back. you did nothing wrong as you were respectful of theirs beliefs, and still attending to support. i don’t think it’s much to ask that they do the same for you. </s>
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AITA for not making my kid get a gift for their teacher
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my son george (12) is in 6th grade. his school emailed his dad (my ex) and i, and all the parents i assume on friday to remind us about teacher appreciation week this week. that was basically it "be nice to your teachers ".
i asked george if he wanted to give his teacher something. in the past i've picked up a gift card or something . he said "no not really i don't like her". i said "are you sure?" and he said "yea, she's mean and yells all the time".
his teacher this year is....well, you know how we all have a teacher we remember from when we were in school? not because of what we learned or how they helped us but because of how mean they were? i'm sure that'll be "ms. a" to him. george has said in the past that she yells alot and is mean. he said that her favorite students are the "smart kids" and she doesn't even hide it.
my friend is a class helper for her son in 3rd grade, she said sometimes when she's coming or going she can hear ms. a screaming at the class.
in january they had a "student appreciation day" and kids weren't supposed to get any homework. ms. a assigned them a bunch of reading. george said that someone in his class told her they weren't supposed to get homework and ms. a said "reading isn't homework since it's fun".
she's kinda condescending during parent teacher conferences. george struggles with some subjects like math and science. he still does his homework and does okay on tests. we asked for ways that he could improve and she said "well study more obviously, less time playing video games and more time with science".
in the past when we've asked teachers for recommendations to help him get better at a subject, they gave us some websites and apps to help him learn it. not point out the obvious.
saturday when his dad picked him up he asked if i was "getting something for that teacher thing" i said "no, george said he doesn't want to". he aaid "nevermind i'll ask him".
he dropped him off last night and said "i really think we should still get something for him to give his teacher?" i said ""we"? no i'm not but if you want to you can go ahead, i'm not making george give a gift to someone that he doesn't like and thinks is mean". his dad said "what if he's the only one that doesn't give her something he'll be embarrassed ". i said "i doubt that'll happen it's not like it's required" "he said no but it's recommended obviously ". i said "well you're more than welcome to run to the store and pick something up" he said "isn't that usually the mom's job" i said "eh maybe but you're the one so worried about it".
he told me i was being petty and left.
aita for not getting anything for his teacher
| 1,159 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ugrx9u/aita_for_not_making_my_kid_get_a_gift_for_their/
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2022-05-02 15:16:35
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nta. lol, wtf at this line?
> said "well you're more than welcome to run to the store and pick something up" he said "isn't that usually the mom's job"
ignoring the rest of this post, this makes him ta. period.
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“isn’t that usually the mom’s job”
i’m sorry, what?
what?
did he mean to say “i’ll go sleep on the couch now until i learn to respect your decisions and autonomy”?
nta btw.
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nta. but your husband is.
the mothers job? if i ever hear something like that from someone i know well enough, i would let them have it.
op, you handled that beautifully. no one is ever obligated to give a gift. if so, then stop calling it a gift.
op asked if the child wanted to and he didn’t. he is the one who deals with the teachers.
but, i understand social norms. the husband wanted to adhere to social norms. in that case, he should have gotten the gift. it was to make him feel better.
nta and you need to have a talk with him about abolishing gender roles.
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nta. my mom was a teacher for 40 years and ended up with a massive collections of tchotchkes taking up space and collecting dust. a lot of times, teacher appreciation events are pushed by administrators while the teachers just want to get back to class. and kudos for listening to your kid - i think it’s a good lesson to not falsely reward disrespectful behavior.
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nta.
imo it's rude of the school to solicit anything for teacher appreciation week and it would be equally rude of the teacher to expect gifts and take note of who didn't give one.
the teacher is a an employee doing the job they're paid to do. i'm sure gifts are appreciated, but they are also voluntary.
if your ex would like to show his appreciation for his kid's teacher, there's nothing stopping him. he can choose the gift, pay for it, wrap it, sign the card and deliver it himself.
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nta - good for you for having your son’s back. we need to get rid of this whole obligatory “appreciation gift” thing
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nta .
teacher here. feel it's bizarre to expect a gift as a teacher, especially in tough economic times . i prefer a card on drawing from a pupil (who has willingly and voluntarily made one for me) anyway, i have a wee memory box i put them, in gives me a better memory of them . rather than chocolates ( i do like chocolates but it can be a lot if everyone gives you them 😆) or a million best teacher mugs .
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nta. if she is mean to the kids, the only gift she deserves is a kick in the butt out off the school.
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nta.
his dad sounds like an absolute asshat, btw. i get his thought process about if george is the only one that doesn't give ms. a something (that might even lead to more targeting by her), but that line of his about it being the mom's job? he can fuck right off for that.
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nta. it's optional.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my son george (12) is in 6th grade. his school emailed his dad (my ex) and i, and all the parents i assume on friday to remind us about teacher appreciation week this week. that was basically it "be nice to your teachers ". i asked george if he wanted to give his teacher something. in the past i've picked up a gift card or something . he said "no not really i don't like her". i said "are you sure?" and he said "yea, she's mean and yells all the time". his teacher this year is....well, you know how we all have a teacher we remember from when we were in school? not because of what we learned or how they helped us but because of how mean they were? i'm sure that'll be "ms. a" to him. george has said in the past that she yells alot and is mean. he said that her favorite students are the "smart kids" and she doesn't even hide it. my friend is a class helper for her son in 3rd grade, she said sometimes when she's coming or going she can hear ms. a screaming at the class. in january they had a "student appreciation day" and kids weren't supposed to get any homework. ms. a assigned them a bunch of reading. george said that someone in his class told her they weren't supposed to get homework and ms. a said "reading isn't homework since it's fun". she's kinda condescending during parent teacher conferences. george struggles with some subjects like math and science. he still does his homework and does okay on tests. we asked for ways that he could improve and she said "well study more obviously, less time playing video games and more time with science". in the past when we've asked teachers for recommendations to help him get better at a subject, they gave us some websites and apps to help him learn it. not point out the obvious. saturday when his dad picked him up he asked if i was "getting something for that teacher thing" i said "no, george said he doesn't want to". he aaid "nevermind i'll ask him". he dropped him off last night and said "i really think we should still get something for him to give his teacher?" i said ""we"? no i'm not but if you want to you can go ahead, i'm not making george give a gift to someone that he doesn't like and thinks is mean". his dad said "what if he's the only one that doesn't give her something he'll be embarrassed ". i said "i doubt that'll happen it's not like it's required" "he said no but it's recommended obviously ". i said "well you're more than welcome to run to the store and pick something up" he said "isn't that usually the mom's job" i said "eh maybe but you're the one so worried about it". he told me i was being petty and left. aita for not getting anything for his teacher
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my son george (12) is in 6th grade. his school emailed his dad (my ex) and i, and all the parents i assume on friday to remind us about teacher appreciation week this week. that was basically it "be nice to your teachers ". i asked george if he wanted to give his teacher something. in the past i've picked up a gift card or something . he said "no not really i don't like her". i said "are you sure?" and he said "yea, she's mean and yells all the time". his teacher this year is....well, you know how we all have a teacher we remember from when we were in school? not because of what we learned or how they helped us but because of how mean they were? i'm sure that'll be "ms. a" to him. george has said in the past that she yells alot and is mean. he said that her favorite students are the "smart kids" and she doesn't even hide it. my friend is a class helper for her son in 3rd grade, she said sometimes when she's coming or going she can hear ms. a screaming at the class. in january they had a "student appreciation day" and kids weren't supposed to get any homework. ms. a assigned them a bunch of reading. george said that someone in his class told her they weren't supposed to get homework and ms. a said "reading isn't homework since it's fun". she's kinda condescending during parent teacher conferences. george struggles with some subjects like math and science. he still does his homework and does okay on tests. we asked for ways that he could improve and she said "well study more obviously, less time playing video games and more time with science". in the past when we've asked teachers for recommendations to help him get better at a subject, they gave us some websites and apps to help him learn it. not point out the obvious. saturday when his dad picked him up he asked if i was "getting something for that teacher thing" i said "no, george said he doesn't want to". he aaid "nevermind i'll ask him". he dropped him off last night and said "i really think we should still get something for him to give his teacher?" i said ""we"? no i'm not but if you want to you can go ahead, i'm not making george give a gift to someone that he doesn't like and thinks is mean". his dad said "what if he's the only one that doesn't give her something he'll be embarrassed ". i said "i doubt that'll happen it's not like it's required" "he said no but it's recommended obviously ". i said "well you're more than welcome to run to the store and pick something up" he said "isn't that usually the mom's job" i said "eh maybe but you're the one so worried about it". he told me i was being petty and left. aita for not getting anything for his teacher [/INST] nta. lol, wtf at this line? > said "well you're more than welcome to run to the store and pick something up" he said "isn't that usually the mom's job" ignoring the rest of this post, this makes him ta. period. </s>
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AITA for not letting my sibling use my room anymore?
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hello! a little backstory: i (f17) have an older sibling (m21) who i'll call 't'. t is still having trouble getting on his feet in the real world and sometimes comes over to the house i share with my mom, step-dad, and my little brother. he'll stay for a few days or so before going somewhere else to stay while he gets his buisness in order. he's trying to be responsible, i get it, but he hardly ever does a good job, and it's frustrating sometimes.
also, little note, i've been diagnosed with ocd, so my room is very clean, and i keep it that way.
i was going to spend the night at my aunts house, and my brother just so happened to be over. i told him that he could use my room while i was gone, and also gave him a towel so he could shower, and i left.
when i came back two days later, my room was dirty, and my brother was gone. he left three very personal items, and a stack of coupons of his, on my bedside table, as well as left his wet dirty towel in the middle of my floor. my bed was a wreck (i can understand it not being made, but still ruffled my feathers a bit lol), and there was a coupon for a box of condoms on my bedside table as well. everything else i was annoyed with, but the condom thing made me very angry.
i talked to my mom about it a little, and decided that he is not allowed to be in my room/use my room while i'm gone. period. i was taught that if someone shows you hospitality, you leave the space as clean as/cleaner than when you found it. t says that i'm being ridiculous, but i don't know if i am...? what do y'all think? aita?
| 417 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d5285v/aita_for_not_letting_my_sibling_use_my_room/
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2019-09-16 15:27:34
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nta.
> i was taught that if someone shows you hospitality, you leave the space as clean as/cleaner than when you found it.
absolutely this. he showed no respect for your space, you're well within your rights to refuse him usage of it.
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nta - if you are a guest, even at a family members house/room, you clean your crap up.
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nta, you gave him your room to use, which is already your own private space and he took it for granted and didn't respect it. he is old enough to clean after himself, no matter if you have ocd or not, he should've left the room the way he found it or better.
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nta he needs to clean up after his ass no matter where he is. jesus christ i can almost not believe he is older than you because you are far more responsible
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nta. an adult male knows that if you borrow someone's stuff/stay at someone's place, you return it in the condition you found it. t knows he was in the wrong, he just doesn't care. it doesn't even sound like he made an attempt at cleaning up after himself. it would be one thing if he had only done one of the things you mentioned, but all of them? nope - he chose not to respect your space.
perhaps in the future if t chooses to sincerely apologize and make it clear that he understands how to now be respectful when staying at someone's place, you might choose to be generous and give him another chance. as for right now, i absolutely wouldn't.
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if he doesn't stay in your room can he still say in the house, just crash on a sofa or something? he just won't be in your room if you're not there.
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nta. he should have cleaned up after himself. if you are ocd then it’s something your family likely knows about and they should respect it, especially in your own space. don’t let him use your space.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hello! a little backstory: i (f17) have an older sibling (m21) who i'll call 't'. t is still having trouble getting on his feet in the real world and sometimes comes over to the house i share with my mom, step-dad, and my little brother. he'll stay for a few days or so before going somewhere else to stay while he gets his buisness in order. he's trying to be responsible, i get it, but he hardly ever does a good job, and it's frustrating sometimes. also, little note, i've been diagnosed with ocd, so my room is very clean, and i keep it that way. i was going to spend the night at my aunts house, and my brother just so happened to be over. i told him that he could use my room while i was gone, and also gave him a towel so he could shower, and i left. when i came back two days later, my room was dirty, and my brother was gone. he left three very personal items, and a stack of coupons of his, on my bedside table, as well as left his wet dirty towel in the middle of my floor. my bed was a wreck (i can understand it not being made, but still ruffled my feathers a bit lol), and there was a coupon for a box of condoms on my bedside table as well. everything else i was annoyed with, but the condom thing made me very angry. i talked to my mom about it a little, and decided that he is not allowed to be in my room/use my room while i'm gone. period. i was taught that if someone shows you hospitality, you leave the space as clean as/cleaner than when you found it. t says that i'm being ridiculous, but i don't know if i am...? what do y'all think? aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hello! a little backstory: i (f17) have an older sibling (m21) who i'll call 't'. t is still having trouble getting on his feet in the real world and sometimes comes over to the house i share with my mom, step-dad, and my little brother. he'll stay for a few days or so before going somewhere else to stay while he gets his buisness in order. he's trying to be responsible, i get it, but he hardly ever does a good job, and it's frustrating sometimes. also, little note, i've been diagnosed with ocd, so my room is very clean, and i keep it that way. i was going to spend the night at my aunts house, and my brother just so happened to be over. i told him that he could use my room while i was gone, and also gave him a towel so he could shower, and i left. when i came back two days later, my room was dirty, and my brother was gone. he left three very personal items, and a stack of coupons of his, on my bedside table, as well as left his wet dirty towel in the middle of my floor. my bed was a wreck (i can understand it not being made, but still ruffled my feathers a bit lol), and there was a coupon for a box of condoms on my bedside table as well. everything else i was annoyed with, but the condom thing made me very angry. i talked to my mom about it a little, and decided that he is not allowed to be in my room/use my room while i'm gone. period. i was taught that if someone shows you hospitality, you leave the space as clean as/cleaner than when you found it. t says that i'm being ridiculous, but i don't know if i am...? what do y'all think? aita? [/INST] nta. > i was taught that if someone shows you hospitality, you leave the space as clean as/cleaner than when you found it. absolutely this. he showed no respect for your space, you're well within your rights to refuse him usage of it. </s>
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AITA for not drinking at a wedding?
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this happened a while ago--
i was invited as a plus one to my (at the time 21f) partner's friend's wedding. my partner (at the time 26m) was a groomsman, and even though we had only been together for a few months, he felt it was important that i came as his plus one (to me this was a huge deal, since i have only met his friends twice at this point).
wedding happens, reception was wonderful, everyone's mingling with each other... except for me. i have a bit of social anxiety and since i'm surrounded by literally everyone who knows each other (i'm on the groomsman table), i felt extremely out of place. no problem, i can keep to myself for a few hours especially since my partner had groomsman duties. by now, everyone around me was pretty tipsy/drunk except for me. now this maybe the start of where i am an asshole. i 100% did not feel comfortable drinking in an outside setting other than my home or a trusted friend's home (at the time), and chose to sip on soda even when the bride and groom came over to the table for cheers. of course it's awkward, but i have little experience drinking, and silly to say, yes it could have just been a sip of red wine, but i didn't know my limits and i wasn't ready to test it in a public setting.
some of my partner's/groom's/groomsmen's friend group noticed i haven't been drinking, and two of them came over to me and demanded that i drink because i was at a wedding. now i have seen these two guys around, never really interacted with them, and now i'm scared shitless and said no it's okay. they weren't having it and they tried to get me to drink directly from a red wine bottle by holding it over my head and tipping it forward. i was holding it back and was even more scared shitless and my anxiety was going through the roof. my partner sees me and comes over to help me and tells them to leave me alone. i start crying and sobbing because i was in so much shock with what just happened. the groom comes over and checks up on me because he was wondering why someone was crying at his wedding.
after this incident, my partner told me it's fine if i never have to see his friends again. i also developed anxiety being around drunk people (yay for more anxiety). i also make sure to do at least a glass of wine or champagne at weddings so something like this wouldn't happen to me again with the same crowd.
i sometimes can't help but wonder if i was an asshole for crying at the wedding when i should have just drank a sip of alcohol, like what.. i guess normal adults do at a social gathering.
| 222 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kq4u0m/aita_for_not_drinking_at_a_wedding/
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2021-01-04 08:44:14
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nta. you are under no obligation from anyone in any setting to drink. for any reason. and you don’t owe them an explanation.
“no thank you.” is a full sentence
i’m so sorry you had to deal with that op. i’ve got friends and family who don’t drink for a variety of reasons and it’s no ones business but their own.
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nta
i also have social anxiety and completely understand why you’d break down like that.
you were in a situation where you felt uncomfortable and being pressured to do another uncomfortable thing made you break. you’re absolutely nta for sticking to your boundaries even if you ended up crying.
not to mention pressuring people into drinking is a shitty thing to do to begin with, for all they knew you could’ve been an alcoholic in recovery.
props to you for making it through that stressful situation :)
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honestly, it worries me that you can write this and be unsure about who was in the wrong here. they tried to force alcohol down your throat...
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nta - there is this weird phenomenom when as soon as people get tipsy, they start getting offended that you won't consume the same kind of liquid as they do.
thet is their problem, not yours.
you can never be ta for not consuming alcohol in any way.
toasting works just as well when done with different liquids in the glasses than with the same.
there are ways to deal with it, like you i don't drink a lot outside the home (and not much inside it either), though i seldom has to deal with people like that.
my startergy for dealing with tipsy/high people is to agree with them and then distract with a question, i also have a decent kowledge of my limits, and at parties i keep two glasses, one with the alcoholic beverage provided, the other with water. i sip the alcoholic beverage and keep it for toasts, but mainly consume water, that way i can always toast and appear to enjoy the wine/beer/champagne while mostly drinking water.
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nta. just like in any other situation, no means no. for anyone that doesn't respect that, being called an a is not strong enough.
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im not sure how you would think you were the ah here but you said no and then they tried to force you to. that’s crazy and i’m glad your partner stepped in. it’s fine if you cried, you were put in a weird situation. people don’t drink for a sorts of reasons, it’s crazy that they felt entitled to make you.
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nta, aside from your anxiety issues, these people don't know your history. you could be in aa, you could've previously been a drink driver etc and they tried to take your bodily autonomy away from you.
that is never okay.
i am sorry this happened to you.
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nta at all, those two guys were. i have never heard of drinking at a wedding/reception as a requirement and those men were super weird and creepy for doing what they did
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this happened a while ago-- i was invited as a plus one to my (at the time 21f) partner's friend's wedding. my partner (at the time 26m) was a groomsman, and even though we had only been together for a few months, he felt it was important that i came as his plus one (to me this was a huge deal, since i have only met his friends twice at this point). wedding happens, reception was wonderful, everyone's mingling with each other... except for me. i have a bit of social anxiety and since i'm surrounded by literally everyone who knows each other (i'm on the groomsman table), i felt extremely out of place. no problem, i can keep to myself for a few hours especially since my partner had groomsman duties. by now, everyone around me was pretty tipsy/drunk except for me. now this maybe the start of where i am an asshole. i 100% did not feel comfortable drinking in an outside setting other than my home or a trusted friend's home (at the time), and chose to sip on soda even when the bride and groom came over to the table for cheers. of course it's awkward, but i have little experience drinking, and silly to say, yes it could have just been a sip of red wine, but i didn't know my limits and i wasn't ready to test it in a public setting. some of my partner's/groom's/groomsmen's friend group noticed i haven't been drinking, and two of them came over to me and demanded that i drink because i was at a wedding. now i have seen these two guys around, never really interacted with them, and now i'm scared shitless and said no it's okay. they weren't having it and they tried to get me to drink directly from a red wine bottle by holding it over my head and tipping it forward. i was holding it back and was even more scared shitless and my anxiety was going through the roof. my partner sees me and comes over to help me and tells them to leave me alone. i start crying and sobbing because i was in so much shock with what just happened. the groom comes over and checks up on me because he was wondering why someone was crying at his wedding. after this incident, my partner told me it's fine if i never have to see his friends again. i also developed anxiety being around drunk people (yay for more anxiety). i also make sure to do at least a glass of wine or champagne at weddings so something like this wouldn't happen to me again with the same crowd. i sometimes can't help but wonder if i was an asshole for crying at the wedding when i should have just drank a sip of alcohol, like what.. i guess normal adults do at a social gathering.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this happened a while ago-- i was invited as a plus one to my (at the time 21f) partner's friend's wedding. my partner (at the time 26m) was a groomsman, and even though we had only been together for a few months, he felt it was important that i came as his plus one (to me this was a huge deal, since i have only met his friends twice at this point). wedding happens, reception was wonderful, everyone's mingling with each other... except for me. i have a bit of social anxiety and since i'm surrounded by literally everyone who knows each other (i'm on the groomsman table), i felt extremely out of place. no problem, i can keep to myself for a few hours especially since my partner had groomsman duties. by now, everyone around me was pretty tipsy/drunk except for me. now this maybe the start of where i am an asshole. i 100% did not feel comfortable drinking in an outside setting other than my home or a trusted friend's home (at the time), and chose to sip on soda even when the bride and groom came over to the table for cheers. of course it's awkward, but i have little experience drinking, and silly to say, yes it could have just been a sip of red wine, but i didn't know my limits and i wasn't ready to test it in a public setting. some of my partner's/groom's/groomsmen's friend group noticed i haven't been drinking, and two of them came over to me and demanded that i drink because i was at a wedding. now i have seen these two guys around, never really interacted with them, and now i'm scared shitless and said no it's okay. they weren't having it and they tried to get me to drink directly from a red wine bottle by holding it over my head and tipping it forward. i was holding it back and was even more scared shitless and my anxiety was going through the roof. my partner sees me and comes over to help me and tells them to leave me alone. i start crying and sobbing because i was in so much shock with what just happened. the groom comes over and checks up on me because he was wondering why someone was crying at his wedding. after this incident, my partner told me it's fine if i never have to see his friends again. i also developed anxiety being around drunk people (yay for more anxiety). i also make sure to do at least a glass of wine or champagne at weddings so something like this wouldn't happen to me again with the same crowd. i sometimes can't help but wonder if i was an asshole for crying at the wedding when i should have just drank a sip of alcohol, like what.. i guess normal adults do at a social gathering. [/INST] nta. you are under no obligation from anyone in any setting to drink. for any reason. and you don’t owe them an explanation. “no thank you.” is a full sentence i’m so sorry you had to deal with that op. i’ve got friends and family who don’t drink for a variety of reasons and it’s no ones business but their own. </s>
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AITA for not pulling my weight and depending on my MIL and husband to pick up the slack?
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i have two 3 year olds, a boy and a girl, and up until a week ago, i was pregnant with my 3rd. my husband's company required him to take a 2 day business trip, and while neither of us wanted him to go, both because i was 37 weeks along and theres a freakin pandemic going on, he would have lost his job if he said no, and we just can't afford that. my mother in law and father in law (who are not married anymore) are also living with us at the moment.
i ended up going into labor while my husband was away. my first labor took 26 hours, but this one was over in about 2 hours. there wasn't time for me to get to the hospital. everything happened so fast. my mil ended up calling an ambulance and i gave birth on the floor of my bedroom with the help of the emts. it was a pretty traumatic experience, especially because i could hear my kids crying for me while it was happening. luckily, my son was born healthy and the hospital was able to patch up my insides pretty well.
the past week has been rough for me. breastfeeding didn't work out physically or emotionally, which was tough. i'm in a lot of pain and just generally feel like shit. i've been talking to my therapist and doctor a lot (and no, i don't have ppd or ppa) but i feel a lot worse after this birth than i did after my first.
my mil and husband have been doing much more than their fair share. my mil is doing all the cooking and has taken over a lot of entertaining the older kids. my husband is doing pretty much all the cleaning and a lot of the parenting. all three of us have been doing the night feedings, but that's the only productive thing i've really done. i feed and hold the baby, but when my older kids want my attention, i tell them we can chat, cuddle and watch a movie, or color, but i just don't have it in me to do much else.
this all came to a head when i asked my husband to tear out the part of the carpet i gave birth on and replace it with some extra carpet we have in the basement. he did it for me, no complaints, but my fil lost it at me. he accused me of being demanding and dumping an unfair amount of work on my mil and husband. my mil and husband both told him to stop and said i wasn't doing anything wrong, but i also know he's right. i'm not doing close to 50/50 with my husband, and i'm certainly not doing an even split with my husband and mil. i feel bad for slacking, taking naps, and letting them do the heavy lifting. am i the asshole for letting them take on the extra work and not doing my share?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gj4mzp/aita_for_not_pulling_my_weight_and_depending_on/
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2020-05-13 18:28:58
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nta. yes, work should be split 50/50 in a relationship but that doesn’t mean it’s always 50/50 at all times. sometimes it leans one way and sometimes it leans the other way.
besides, you’re doing the monumental task of recovering from childbirth right now. that’s your “work” and you’re doing it beautifully. it’s absurd to call recovery “slacking.” it’s honestly really disturbing to hear you talk about “productivity.” this is a family, not a factory.
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nta. a week? a week. traumatic delivery and one week later? your fil needs to be checked for a head injury, or he’s got his head so far up his ass he can describe the back of his molars.
for real? he said this and he is allowed to be shushed instead of shamed? fuck that noise. you didn’t just give birth to him, he’s not a child to be re-parented. i’ve booted people smooth out of my house for less than that shit. and if he “but pandemic”’s you, reassure him that having his head so far up his ass means he has the best face covering around.
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nta.
i wish i knew your fil's number so i can tell him what an asshat he is.
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nta
fil is a guest in your house and way out of line. if he thinks mil and husband are doing too much than why doesn’t he help out?
you’re recovering from a birth, how can he not understand the physical and mental toll that takes? even your toddlers seem to be more understanding than him!
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nta.
pretty sure your husband didn’t do half the work of growing and birthing the baby. you are healing and the people who are actually doing tasks for you are happy to help. your fil should mind his own business.
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nta
god your fil is an asshole. you are lucky his son turned out a decent person. also, you are pulling your weight, and your husband is doing his job as an adult as a parent. the only one who is "picking the slack" is mil, because she is kinda and nice.
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nta
not pulling your weight? you just pushed a living being out of you on the bathroom floor not a week ago. i'd say you've pulled plenty for a good minute.
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nta
you're dealing with had given birth one week ago, and you had other 2 children. it's only natural that your husband and mil wants to do more things for you, even if you can't do things for yourself, even less for them; because they love you and know that you're going through.
fil is a complete ah, and i can see why your mil isn't with him anymore. you aren't slacking, you're dealing with your own post-partum problems.
you aren't lazy.
you
just
given
birth
your mil and husband seems ok with that. you should concentrate in your newborn child and your own health rather than fil being a ah.
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nta> you use the term "not pulling your weight" inappropriately.
the weight of giving birth and recovering is one many people never have to pull. you are doing enough, you have nothing for which to apologise
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nta. you just gave birth. you're entitled to rest and not feel guilty. your spouse (and your mil) are taking care of your normal responsibilities because you just gave birth. tell your fil go to back to his own house if he doesn't like it. i'm glad you have such wonderful support during this time of healing.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have two 3 year olds, a boy and a girl, and up until a week ago, i was pregnant with my 3rd. my husband's company required him to take a 2 day business trip, and while neither of us wanted him to go, both because i was 37 weeks along and theres a freakin pandemic going on, he would have lost his job if he said no, and we just can't afford that. my mother in law and father in law (who are not married anymore) are also living with us at the moment. i ended up going into labor while my husband was away. my first labor took 26 hours, but this one was over in about 2 hours. there wasn't time for me to get to the hospital. everything happened so fast. my mil ended up calling an ambulance and i gave birth on the floor of my bedroom with the help of the emts. it was a pretty traumatic experience, especially because i could hear my kids crying for me while it was happening. luckily, my son was born healthy and the hospital was able to patch up my insides pretty well. the past week has been rough for me. breastfeeding didn't work out physically or emotionally, which was tough. i'm in a lot of pain and just generally feel like shit. i've been talking to my therapist and doctor a lot (and no, i don't have ppd or ppa) but i feel a lot worse after this birth than i did after my first. my mil and husband have been doing much more than their fair share. my mil is doing all the cooking and has taken over a lot of entertaining the older kids. my husband is doing pretty much all the cleaning and a lot of the parenting. all three of us have been doing the night feedings, but that's the only productive thing i've really done. i feed and hold the baby, but when my older kids want my attention, i tell them we can chat, cuddle and watch a movie, or color, but i just don't have it in me to do much else. this all came to a head when i asked my husband to tear out the part of the carpet i gave birth on and replace it with some extra carpet we have in the basement. he did it for me, no complaints, but my fil lost it at me. he accused me of being demanding and dumping an unfair amount of work on my mil and husband. my mil and husband both told him to stop and said i wasn't doing anything wrong, but i also know he's right. i'm not doing close to 50/50 with my husband, and i'm certainly not doing an even split with my husband and mil. i feel bad for slacking, taking naps, and letting them do the heavy lifting. am i the asshole for letting them take on the extra work and not doing my share?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have two 3 year olds, a boy and a girl, and up until a week ago, i was pregnant with my 3rd. my husband's company required him to take a 2 day business trip, and while neither of us wanted him to go, both because i was 37 weeks along and theres a freakin pandemic going on, he would have lost his job if he said no, and we just can't afford that. my mother in law and father in law (who are not married anymore) are also living with us at the moment. i ended up going into labor while my husband was away. my first labor took 26 hours, but this one was over in about 2 hours. there wasn't time for me to get to the hospital. everything happened so fast. my mil ended up calling an ambulance and i gave birth on the floor of my bedroom with the help of the emts. it was a pretty traumatic experience, especially because i could hear my kids crying for me while it was happening. luckily, my son was born healthy and the hospital was able to patch up my insides pretty well. the past week has been rough for me. breastfeeding didn't work out physically or emotionally, which was tough. i'm in a lot of pain and just generally feel like shit. i've been talking to my therapist and doctor a lot (and no, i don't have ppd or ppa) but i feel a lot worse after this birth than i did after my first. my mil and husband have been doing much more than their fair share. my mil is doing all the cooking and has taken over a lot of entertaining the older kids. my husband is doing pretty much all the cleaning and a lot of the parenting. all three of us have been doing the night feedings, but that's the only productive thing i've really done. i feed and hold the baby, but when my older kids want my attention, i tell them we can chat, cuddle and watch a movie, or color, but i just don't have it in me to do much else. this all came to a head when i asked my husband to tear out the part of the carpet i gave birth on and replace it with some extra carpet we have in the basement. he did it for me, no complaints, but my fil lost it at me. he accused me of being demanding and dumping an unfair amount of work on my mil and husband. my mil and husband both told him to stop and said i wasn't doing anything wrong, but i also know he's right. i'm not doing close to 50/50 with my husband, and i'm certainly not doing an even split with my husband and mil. i feel bad for slacking, taking naps, and letting them do the heavy lifting. am i the asshole for letting them take on the extra work and not doing my share? [/INST] nta. yes, work should be split 50/50 in a relationship but that doesn’t mean it’s always 50/50 at all times. sometimes it leans one way and sometimes it leans the other way. besides, you’re doing the monumental task of recovering from childbirth right now. that’s your “work” and you’re doing it beautifully. it’s absurd to call recovery “slacking.” it’s honestly really disturbing to hear you talk about “productivity.” this is a family, not a factory. </s>
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AITA for banning a kid from my house who has some kind of mental/autistic problems ?
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this is a throw away for self explanatory reason. we moved into new neighborhood .my wife became bffs with one of the neighbors. that women has a son and he clearly has some mental problems .he barely can muster more then few words has anger issues and just screams for no reasons. he is about 5 years old. he was held back a year in kindergarten and kicked out from another due to behavior issues and inability to learn anything. we had a get together recently .the kid started breaking my daughters toys ripping books apart and other stuff. i went towards my wife and told that she should tell her friend to get her kid under control. next thing i know he took one of those children chairs and started charging towards the tv. i managed to intercept before he could damage it. later i found out before he wrecked 3 tv's this way. once the party was over told my wife that kid is no longer welcome at my home. my daughter has even complained that he is very aggressive sometimes towards her and other people. my wife was a bit more on forgiving side, he is young, he needs some positivity .yes, he has problems and so on. after the party my wife told be her friend broke down and started crying. i feel like shit but i know her refusal to do anything about the kid getting him diagnosed and medicated is one of the bigger problems here.so am in the wrong here ?
| 1,008 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c02xw8/aita_for_banning_a_kid_from_my_house_who_has_some/
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2019-06-13 07:48:08
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nta. the mother really needs to get her kid to a psychiatrist, thats not normal. hopefully this will help her understand that. and be really careful about him from now on, i’m worried for your child’s safety.
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nah. careful parenting and "positivity" wasn't enough to stop his destructive behavior. it must be really rough on your neighbor, but there need to be multiple sets of eyes on this kid at all times if he's going to be allowed anywhere. god willing, may his mother find treatment for him.
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nta
i understand the mum crying. she's likely feeling the public rejection of her son very deeply. but you have every right to protect your daughter and your possessions.
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nta and i was a mother of a kid like this. the difference being i fought tooth and nail to get the kid help. if that was my kid i woild have been following them from room to room and then told i was a hovering helicopter parent - but i knew what behaviour i was stopping.
i lost friends because it was to hard for them to deal with my reality.
i also have friends for life who sat with me every day for a month and ignored my kids tantrums (which would turn into meltdowns) because kid learned bad behaviour meant num went home and kid didn’t want to share mum. so those friends sitting with me assuring me it’s totally fine as my kid went nuts in their home..... i’m so thankful because one day it was light switch kid decided it was more fun to go play with friends kids while mum spoke to the adults.... instead of the screaming etc.
my point is your actions can have a huge impact on the whole family.
the best question to ask is .... how can we as friends and neighbors support you and your kid? how do we get to a point together that you’re comfortable as a homeowner and father... plus kid is behaved plus the parents can socilose.
it might need some work from all of you to unlock that kids potential.
i promise you this kid is worth it.
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nta, both mom and child need help.
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nta. you aren’t excluding him because of his disability, you’re excluding him for being aggressive and damaging property with no intervention from his parents. his parents are the assholes for not handling their child’s needs (and i know that it’s a difficult job, i’ve worked with very low functioning kids with autism and other disabilities who will self injure or go after others if they get overstimulated or otherwise distressed).
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nta.
please listen, i’ve worked as an rbt(registered behavior technician) for the last two years which is pretty much just teaching children on the spectrum how to improve motor/social skills from ages of 3-18.
i’ve been in situations that you described but unfortunately there was no one around who could have properly handled it.
let me clear, i have no qualifications to determine whether the child is on the spectrum but i strongly recommend that you make it clear that the child must be checked out by their pediatrician before being allowed back at your house; if they are diagnosed then applied behavior analysis (aba) would be the next step for the child where they would receive weekly sessions with an rbt who can accompany the child next time you have a get-together. the rbt is prepared to handle any aggressive situations during session and it provides a learning experience for everyone to better understand how to handle these situations without escalation.
i’m also assuming this post is from the us? if not then unfortunately i don’t know how autism is treated internationally.
good luck, hoping for the best.
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nta
i'll be banning children from my home entirely due to them triggering my anxiety.
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wait wait you need to explain edit 2??? what did you find out?
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nta it’s your responsibility to protect your family and household.
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this is a throw away for self explanatory reason. we moved into new neighborhood .my wife became bffs with one of the neighbors. that women has a son and he clearly has some mental problems .he barely can muster more then few words has anger issues and just screams for no reasons. he is about 5 years old. he was held back a year in kindergarten and kicked out from another due to behavior issues and inability to learn anything. we had a get together recently .the kid started breaking my daughters toys ripping books apart and other stuff. i went towards my wife and told that she should tell her friend to get her kid under control. next thing i know he took one of those children chairs and started charging towards the tv. i managed to intercept before he could damage it. later i found out before he wrecked 3 tv's this way. once the party was over told my wife that kid is no longer welcome at my home. my daughter has even complained that he is very aggressive sometimes towards her and other people. my wife was a bit more on forgiving side, he is young, he needs some positivity .yes, he has problems and so on. after the party my wife told be her friend broke down and started crying. i feel like shit but i know her refusal to do anything about the kid getting him diagnosed and medicated is one of the bigger problems here.so am in the wrong here ?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this is a throw away for self explanatory reason. we moved into new neighborhood .my wife became bffs with one of the neighbors. that women has a son and he clearly has some mental problems .he barely can muster more then few words has anger issues and just screams for no reasons. he is about 5 years old. he was held back a year in kindergarten and kicked out from another due to behavior issues and inability to learn anything. we had a get together recently .the kid started breaking my daughters toys ripping books apart and other stuff. i went towards my wife and told that she should tell her friend to get her kid under control. next thing i know he took one of those children chairs and started charging towards the tv. i managed to intercept before he could damage it. later i found out before he wrecked 3 tv's this way. once the party was over told my wife that kid is no longer welcome at my home. my daughter has even complained that he is very aggressive sometimes towards her and other people. my wife was a bit more on forgiving side, he is young, he needs some positivity .yes, he has problems and so on. after the party my wife told be her friend broke down and started crying. i feel like shit but i know her refusal to do anything about the kid getting him diagnosed and medicated is one of the bigger problems here.so am in the wrong here ? [/INST] nta. the mother really needs to get her kid to a psychiatrist, thats not normal. hopefully this will help her understand that. and be really careful about him from now on, i’m worried for your child’s safety. </s>
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AITA for not following religious practices
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i live and work in a muslim country in central asia and i have spent most of my childhood in a foreign country so my religious views are not the same as my peers and co-workers. i don’t pray, don’t go to the mosque to pray on fridays or fast during the holy months. my knowledge on islam is kinda vague and i have been skeptical ever since teenage years, maybe i’m an atheist who knows. basically religion is not something i want to read or do in the meantime, maybe in the future. my mom is the only member in my household that follows the muslim practices , she tells me to pray, go to mosque on friday and fast but she doesn’t force me to do them. my brother is the same as me.
meanwhile there are some people at work forcing me to follow religious tradition. it started in autumn last year, one coworker asked me to go to mosque to pray on fridays but i declined saying i was busy then some coworkers and him lectured me several times about judgement day and stuff so i couldn’t say no and finally accepted and went to the mosque with them several times. few months later, i just didn’t want to go anymore, i’m glad i have online college lessons so i made excuses for not going.
the company office has a room just for praying and all of the office workers, literally all of them except me, go there to pray. they also told me several times to pray with them, so i prayed with them once and just stopped all of it.
now it is ramadan, muslim people have to fast for one month. they also told me several times to fast but i am just not interested.
today they told me that i will regret on judgement day for not following the muslim traditions, not reading the quran and stuff. i respect the islam religion, all religions but i am just not interested at the moment.
so am i the asshole for not following religious practices in a muslim country?
| 180 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ms2qnl/aita_for_not_following_religious_practices/
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2021-04-16 13:06:30
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nta-not at all. freedom of religion should be a freedom everywhere.
they should respect your beliefs and it is not up to them to judge what will happen to you when the death day comes because no one really knows.
i’m catholic, but if i know someone i’m with is agnostic or atheist i don’t preach to them how they’re going to “burn in hell” because if you are a good person, there’s no reason you would be sent to hell.
brush it off, and tell them you respect their beliefs but you don’t hold the same beliefs.
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nta
the problem with asking here is you have a western secular audience that mostly shares the opinion that religious practice is icky, and that is the answer you are going to get.
as a westerner i have respect for religious practice, but that does not mean i partake in practices i don't believe in. honestly i find that being fake during prayer, and i would think any omnipresent diety would be well aware i was faking it, and more damm me for that than doing what i believe.
the problem with the above is it completely discounts the social pressure you are under to comply. and the question should be how do you handle that pressure? i dunno, i am an obnoxious westerner and would tell them politely no, and express that the diety would count my behavior towards others more so than a ritualistic formulation of expressing belief, and in my mind write these folks who the people i care about list. i am pretty sure you can't do that
the only thing i can tell you are nta, and i have sympathy for your position.
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nta, but if you're in a muslim country i fear that your collogues will probably keep doing this. good luck!
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nta.
i’m a muslim in the middle east. in the religion it is haram (forbidden) to try and force the religion onto others. some people say they need to “spread the religion” and it’s fine to tell people about it but they can’t try to force you.
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nta - i am not a muslim so i apologise if i am taking this wildly out of context. there is a line in the quran - al baqarah 256 "let there be no compulsion in matters of religion"
seems pretty clear to me.
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nta
i'm muslim too and can understand that they are doing what they are doing "with the best at heart" but at the end of the day it's your choice.
for this to stop you would need to explicitly state your boundaries and let them know that even though you understand their sentiment, you would rather keep what you do and dont do personal and that you don't appreciate having your religious beliefs discussed at work.
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nta, you have the right to be able to decline those things, freedom of religion!!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i live and work in a muslim country in central asia and i have spent most of my childhood in a foreign country so my religious views are not the same as my peers and co-workers. i don’t pray, don’t go to the mosque to pray on fridays or fast during the holy months. my knowledge on islam is kinda vague and i have been skeptical ever since teenage years, maybe i’m an atheist who knows. basically religion is not something i want to read or do in the meantime, maybe in the future. my mom is the only member in my household that follows the muslim practices , she tells me to pray, go to mosque on friday and fast but she doesn’t force me to do them. my brother is the same as me. meanwhile there are some people at work forcing me to follow religious tradition. it started in autumn last year, one coworker asked me to go to mosque to pray on fridays but i declined saying i was busy then some coworkers and him lectured me several times about judgement day and stuff so i couldn’t say no and finally accepted and went to the mosque with them several times. few months later, i just didn’t want to go anymore, i’m glad i have online college lessons so i made excuses for not going. the company office has a room just for praying and all of the office workers, literally all of them except me, go there to pray. they also told me several times to pray with them, so i prayed with them once and just stopped all of it. now it is ramadan, muslim people have to fast for one month. they also told me several times to fast but i am just not interested. today they told me that i will regret on judgement day for not following the muslim traditions, not reading the quran and stuff. i respect the islam religion, all religions but i am just not interested at the moment. so am i the asshole for not following religious practices in a muslim country?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i live and work in a muslim country in central asia and i have spent most of my childhood in a foreign country so my religious views are not the same as my peers and co-workers. i don’t pray, don’t go to the mosque to pray on fridays or fast during the holy months. my knowledge on islam is kinda vague and i have been skeptical ever since teenage years, maybe i’m an atheist who knows. basically religion is not something i want to read or do in the meantime, maybe in the future. my mom is the only member in my household that follows the muslim practices , she tells me to pray, go to mosque on friday and fast but she doesn’t force me to do them. my brother is the same as me. meanwhile there are some people at work forcing me to follow religious tradition. it started in autumn last year, one coworker asked me to go to mosque to pray on fridays but i declined saying i was busy then some coworkers and him lectured me several times about judgement day and stuff so i couldn’t say no and finally accepted and went to the mosque with them several times. few months later, i just didn’t want to go anymore, i’m glad i have online college lessons so i made excuses for not going. the company office has a room just for praying and all of the office workers, literally all of them except me, go there to pray. they also told me several times to pray with them, so i prayed with them once and just stopped all of it. now it is ramadan, muslim people have to fast for one month. they also told me several times to fast but i am just not interested. today they told me that i will regret on judgement day for not following the muslim traditions, not reading the quran and stuff. i respect the islam religion, all religions but i am just not interested at the moment. so am i the asshole for not following religious practices in a muslim country? [/INST] nta-not at all. freedom of religion should be a freedom everywhere. they should respect your beliefs and it is not up to them to judge what will happen to you when the death day comes because no one really knows. i’m catholic, but if i know someone i’m with is agnostic or atheist i don’t preach to them how they’re going to “burn in hell” because if you are a good person, there’s no reason you would be sent to hell. brush it off, and tell them you respect their beliefs but you don’t hold the same beliefs. </s>
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AITA for refusing to attend my sister’s wedding when she wants me to wear a dress?
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some background. i (25f) was raised in an extremely religious household. growing up, i never felt overly feminine. not as if i wasn’t a girl, but i was never into dresses or makeup or anything like that. if i wanted to wear slacks to church, i would get screamed at. i wore dresses growing up (not just to church, but school) and always felt super uncomfortable. around 15, i came out as a lesbian and my parents did not approve. i’m not saying all lesbians dress like this, but i did tend to start wearing jeans, t-shirts, etc to school, slacks and nice shirts to events. i finally felt comfortable. my mom and i got into many arguments over this and my dad constantly told me that i was making a big deal over nothing.
i was kicked out at 16 when i refused conversion therapy. my older sister, mindy, took me in and was the only one in my family who ever truly supported me. i lived with her all through college. i live with my girlfriend now, but mindy and i maintained a very close relationship.
mindy is engaged and getting married next summer. she asked me to be the maid of honor. we went shopping for her dress last weekend and she looks stunning! we went with two of her other bridesmaids. we just had an appointment for mindy’s dress but while the saleswoman was ringing everything up, the bridesmaids and mindy started looking at dresses for the bridal party. nothing definite, but they got ideas on what to look for. later, in private, i spoke to mindy and reminded her i’m not comfortable in a dress. i offered an alternative of wearing a tux or suit. we could even find one the same color of the bridesmaids.
mindy said it was one day, couldn’t i just wear a dress? she claimed a tux would make me look like a groomsmen (i have a pixie cut and due to my lack of makeup, i often get mistaken for a guy, especially when out with my very feminine girlfriend). i said i really wouldn’t feel comfortable. plus a lot of our family is going to come which already makes me anxious. it’s already going to be hard, in the same church that told me i was going to hell, surrounded by my family who said similar. wearing a dress will make me feel like that teenager who had no control of their life and ended up in extensive therapy for having to conform to be loved.
**
| 1,460 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zawk1q/aita_for_refusing_to_attend_my_sisters_wedding/
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2022-12-02 20:24:24
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nta. you have offered many compromises, your sister is wrong. it's wrong to force someone to do anything against their will. what's really sad to me is how she threw raising you in your face. who takes a person in expecting to receive anything other than love? she is so wrong for this. love is a gift, gifts don't come with strings.
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nta. she wants her day to be perfect. and you, being true to yourself, doesn't fit into her idea of perfect. she was there when being your authentic self meant having your parents reject you. she must know the emotional toll that took. i'm astounded she's asking you to essentially go backwards and erase all the progress you've made overcoming that.
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nta. if it's just one day and it doesn't matter, why doesn't she wear a tux too?
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nah. i can’t make a judgement one way or the other.
in your shoes, i would be uncomfortable for a day to make my sister, who loved and supported me when no one else did. i would want to do my part to make her wedding as smooth as possible.
if i absolutely could not wear what she wanted. i would be at the wedding, just not in the bridal party. i would be there to love and support her. my gift to her would be my support and turning my focus to her, not me.
however, i am a hetero cis woman. my baggage is different than yours. i cannot judge you for your stance. i can’t say you are an a for not doing the same as i would hypothetically do. you have different life experiences and baggage than i do. i think you have to weigh yourself image and comfort vs your relationship with your sister. what will be harmed more by one decision or another?
that absolutely sucks. it sucks image and looks become so fucking important in events like these.
best of luck to you. i really hope you can make the best decision for you and your life.
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nta
>her fiancé has called me several times, saying mindy wants to apologize, it’s not a big deal, if i just wear the dress it’ll go away
they can't have that both ways. either mindy wants to apologise - which should be synonymous with acknowledging and amending her hurtful behaviour - *or* she/they still stand by their determination to push you into being expensively uncomfortable for their "special day".
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nta. major props to you for sticking to your guns. coming from someone who isn't straight, things like this can seem innocuous enough at first, but capitulating here may have given your parents or mindy leverage to pressure you or your lifestyle in the future.
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nta
she is free to set the dress requirement at her wedding, and you are free to decline attending or participating.
shes a bit of a h tho. honestly you could look really smart in a matching suit, and as a queer person she is basically disrespecting your chosen gender representation which makes her an a h.
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nta. it sounds like mindy's idea of a perfect day includes making you extremely uncomfortable. if she wants you there as maid of honour, she should let you be who you are. if she just wants a mannequin for the photos, she can get someone else.
as for all the "it's just for one day" stuff, i think that's a bunch of bs. if it's just for one day, she can accept you for who you are and not try to change you just for the sake of appearances.
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[deleted]
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i’ll go against the grain. yta
the wedding is not about you. it’s about supporting your sister. you know, the sister who’s been supporting you for years?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
YTA
| 0.048498 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: some background. i (25f) was raised in an extremely religious household. growing up, i never felt overly feminine. not as if i wasn’t a girl, but i was never into dresses or makeup or anything like that. if i wanted to wear slacks to church, i would get screamed at. i wore dresses growing up (not just to church, but school) and always felt super uncomfortable. around 15, i came out as a lesbian and my parents did not approve. i’m not saying all lesbians dress like this, but i did tend to start wearing jeans, t-shirts, etc to school, slacks and nice shirts to events. i finally felt comfortable. my mom and i got into many arguments over this and my dad constantly told me that i was making a big deal over nothing. i was kicked out at 16 when i refused conversion therapy. my older sister, mindy, took me in and was the only one in my family who ever truly supported me. i lived with her all through college. i live with my girlfriend now, but mindy and i maintained a very close relationship. mindy is engaged and getting married next summer. she asked me to be the maid of honor. we went shopping for her dress last weekend and she looks stunning! we went with two of her other bridesmaids. we just had an appointment for mindy’s dress but while the saleswoman was ringing everything up, the bridesmaids and mindy started looking at dresses for the bridal party. nothing definite, but they got ideas on what to look for. later, in private, i spoke to mindy and reminded her i’m not comfortable in a dress. i offered an alternative of wearing a tux or suit. we could even find one the same color of the bridesmaids. mindy said it was one day, couldn’t i just wear a dress? she claimed a tux would make me look like a groomsmen (i have a pixie cut and due to my lack of makeup, i often get mistaken for a guy, especially when out with my very feminine girlfriend). i said i really wouldn’t feel comfortable. plus a lot of our family is going to come which already makes me anxious. it’s already going to be hard, in the same church that told me i was going to hell, surrounded by my family who said similar. wearing a dress will make me feel like that teenager who had no control of their life and ended up in extensive therapy for having to conform to be loved. **
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
some background. i (25f) was raised in an extremely religious household. growing up, i never felt overly feminine. not as if i wasn’t a girl, but i was never into dresses or makeup or anything like that. if i wanted to wear slacks to church, i would get screamed at. i wore dresses growing up (not just to church, but school) and always felt super uncomfortable. around 15, i came out as a lesbian and my parents did not approve. i’m not saying all lesbians dress like this, but i did tend to start wearing jeans, t-shirts, etc to school, slacks and nice shirts to events. i finally felt comfortable. my mom and i got into many arguments over this and my dad constantly told me that i was making a big deal over nothing. i was kicked out at 16 when i refused conversion therapy. my older sister, mindy, took me in and was the only one in my family who ever truly supported me. i lived with her all through college. i live with my girlfriend now, but mindy and i maintained a very close relationship. mindy is engaged and getting married next summer. she asked me to be the maid of honor. we went shopping for her dress last weekend and she looks stunning! we went with two of her other bridesmaids. we just had an appointment for mindy’s dress but while the saleswoman was ringing everything up, the bridesmaids and mindy started looking at dresses for the bridal party. nothing definite, but they got ideas on what to look for. later, in private, i spoke to mindy and reminded her i’m not comfortable in a dress. i offered an alternative of wearing a tux or suit. we could even find one the same color of the bridesmaids. mindy said it was one day, couldn’t i just wear a dress? she claimed a tux would make me look like a groomsmen (i have a pixie cut and due to my lack of makeup, i often get mistaken for a guy, especially when out with my very feminine girlfriend). i said i really wouldn’t feel comfortable. plus a lot of our family is going to come which already makes me anxious. it’s already going to be hard, in the same church that told me i was going to hell, surrounded by my family who said similar. wearing a dress will make me feel like that teenager who had no control of their life and ended up in extensive therapy for having to conform to be loved. ** [/INST] nta. you have offered many compromises, your sister is wrong. it's wrong to force someone to do anything against their will. what's really sad to me is how she threw raising you in your face. who takes a person in expecting to receive anything other than love? she is so wrong for this. love is a gift, gifts don't come with strings. </s>
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AITA for telling my daughter she can’t publicly come out as gay until her grandparents die?
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i (f36) have a 16 year old daughter. about three months ago, she came out to her father and i as gay. we’ve always had an idea as she’s never been interested in boys, so obviously have been incredibly supportive. we baked her a rainbow cake the next day and watched pride documentaries. when covid started intensifying, i told my parents, both in their 70s to come and stay with us.
my parents aren’t the most accepting of people, they’re the topic old white religious heterosexual couple, and i don’t want them being like that to my daughter. my daughter asked if she could come out to them and i said no, but the longer they’ve been here the more she’s wanted to. i know for a solid fact that they won’t accept her, and i don’t want to have to choose between my daughter and my elderly parents because it’ll be my daughter every time. i told them she shouldn’t come out on social media or to the rest of the family until they die in case it gets back to them which has devastated her. aita?
| 4,274 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h8h3ij/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_she_cant_publicly/
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2020-06-13 22:12:26
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yta. you said you don't want to choose because you'd choose your daughter, but you're not. you're choosing your parents.
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>i know for a solid fact that they won’t accept her, and i don’t want to have to choose between my daughter and my elderly parents because it’ll be my daughter every time.
this is a lie. you *have* chosen already, and your choice was to support your parents bigotry, rather than your daughters identity.
yta
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they’re in their 70s. when are you expecting them to die? they could live another 10-20 years. if she meets someone when she’s 25 are you going to tell her she can’t bring them to family functions or marry them?
there’s nothing wrong with warning her of the potential fall out, but telling her outright not to makes yta.
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yta.
&#x200b;
i'm part of the lgbt community. and let me tell you, from the perspective i've seen, you've basically told her how okay and supportive you are, and then you've ripped that support from right under her feet. i'd be devastated too, if i had parents who baked me a pride cake and then were like "oops nvm your grandparents are still alive", probably more devastated than me being told its not okay. especially during pride month where all of her friends are freely expressing themselves on social media.
&#x200b;
what you probably should do is grow up and tell your parents that they're living under *your* roof now, and that if they aren't willing to at least be kind and respectful to your daughter, then they aren't welcome there.
&#x200b;
also, if your parents are in their seventies, you could be asking her not to come out until she's in her thirties, given they live until about 90s, because you're scared of what your parents might think.
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yta.
look, i get it. my parents have never been the best when it comes to homosexuality; i grew up hearing lots of awful stuff. when my oldest child came out i was very concerned that her grandparents would be judgmental. i explained to her that they were like that, and they might not be supportive (while stressing that they were in the wrong, not her), and asked her permission to speak with them, which she gave.
and then i made it very, very clear that they could feel however the hell they wanted about it, but they were never ever ever to say a single negative word to her.
and you know, at first it was tough - my dad was convinced she'd 'grow out of it' and my mom never said much one way or the other. but they kept their damn mouths shut when i told them to, and my daughter has always known that i do and will choose her, every single time. because that's the deal i made when i decided to become a mother. and for what it's worth, my mother posted on her social media yesterday something that was in support of gay pride month, so you just never know how people will react.
by telling your daughter to keep her orientation a secret, you're already choosing between her and your parents. you're showing her that you're 'supportive,' but only when it's easy - when it's about making cakes - and not when it's hard, when there might be consequences for you. that's not real support. that's not real parenting, either. the world is already a very hard place for our kids, they're going to hear and see and be subjected to shit that they should never have to deal with, and you should be doing everything you possibly can to make your space as safe and affirming as possible. you are not right now. you need to do better.
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yta- you can’t confine her to living your life. she wants to be open and staying in the closet takes a massive toll on her mental health. the fact that you aren’t willing to defend and stand up for your daughter and who she is as a person speaks volumes. support your kid.
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yta, and coming from a queer kid who’s mother did the exact same thing to them as a teenager, that is one of the big reasons we haven’t spoken in years. you will lose your daughter over this, i promise you that.
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yta. it’s her choice. she is the gay one, not you. she decides when to come out, not you.
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yta. your job as a parent is to back her up, even against your parents.
i guarantee you, as a lesbian woman who came out at 19 to my mormon father who wouldn't support me to his own parents/my grandparents, that she's going to remember this as a moment when you failed her.
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yta. you're choosing your parents over your daughter and what she feels comfortable with. do you expect her to come out when she's 30?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f36) have a 16 year old daughter. about three months ago, she came out to her father and i as gay. we’ve always had an idea as she’s never been interested in boys, so obviously have been incredibly supportive. we baked her a rainbow cake the next day and watched pride documentaries. when covid started intensifying, i told my parents, both in their 70s to come and stay with us. my parents aren’t the most accepting of people, they’re the topic old white religious heterosexual couple, and i don’t want them being like that to my daughter. my daughter asked if she could come out to them and i said no, but the longer they’ve been here the more she’s wanted to. i know for a solid fact that they won’t accept her, and i don’t want to have to choose between my daughter and my elderly parents because it’ll be my daughter every time. i told them she shouldn’t come out on social media or to the rest of the family until they die in case it gets back to them which has devastated her. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (f36) have a 16 year old daughter. about three months ago, she came out to her father and i as gay. we’ve always had an idea as she’s never been interested in boys, so obviously have been incredibly supportive. we baked her a rainbow cake the next day and watched pride documentaries. when covid started intensifying, i told my parents, both in their 70s to come and stay with us. my parents aren’t the most accepting of people, they’re the topic old white religious heterosexual couple, and i don’t want them being like that to my daughter. my daughter asked if she could come out to them and i said no, but the longer they’ve been here the more she’s wanted to. i know for a solid fact that they won’t accept her, and i don’t want to have to choose between my daughter and my elderly parents because it’ll be my daughter every time. i told them she shouldn’t come out on social media or to the rest of the family until they die in case it gets back to them which has devastated her. aita? [/INST] yta. you said you don't want to choose because you'd choose your daughter, but you're not. you're choosing your parents. </s>
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AITA for being upset my mom set the date of her wedding on my birthday?
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so my mom and dad divorced some time ago, and my mom has since started dating again and now wants to get married to her boyfriend.
the problem is that the date she set for the wedding is the exact day my birthday is on. i know from her that she did not forget that fact, since she specifically said to me "we will get married on your birthday"; she also said something like "we will celebrate your birthday **too**"
aita for being pissed off about this? seems like she's "stealing" potential party guests among my family and friends who will instead be attending her wedding. and keep in mind that this would not be over next year, since my birthday would then forever be her wedding anniversary, which i'd play second fiddle to. wibta for not attending the wedding for these reasons?
i'm 22, in case age matters here
| 2,732 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/emqk29/aita_for_being_upset_my_mom_set_the_date_of_her/
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2020-01-10 12:55:00
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nta - that's a bit shitty. i don't care for birthdays that much but understandably a lot of people do. to set a wedding date on the same day as your child's birthday, when they clearly would like to celebrate it in another way, is a dick move.
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eh, it’s a little weird that she set it for that day, but honestly aside from the wedding itself and major anniversaries (25th,50th, etc), most people don’t celebrate other people’s anniversaries. so i think you’re overreacting a bit because you’ll have the focus taken off of you for only one day (the wedding) for many birthdays to come.
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info why did she set it that day? was it the only day they could book?
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you're 22, you should understand that you don't have to do your birthday party the exact day of your birthday. you should also know you don't have to do a party at all.
there's thousands of people who married/were born/did something no one cares the same day as your birthday.
> seems like she's "stealing" potential party guests
you already have a birthday party planned ? or you plan to have one the exact same day just to try to make a competition on who has the most family members going ?
yta, there's no issue
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yeah yta here. congrats, you’ve reached the age where no birthdays matter unless they’re milestones (25, 30, 40, 50, and beyond)
it’s weird your mom chose that date, but there’s a million reasons that could have happened. maybe it was the only date available for the venue or for her budget.
i’m not sure what kind of lifestyle your mom has but i can’t see a second wedding lasting through the night. usually second weddings are smaller affairs... and usually old people like the young people to have fun and enjoy themselves so how long could this actually last? 10pm? 11pm? i don’t know about you but when i was 22 that’s when our night would begin.
you’re allowed to be miffed but it feels like you’re stuck on principle here... and that the wedding won’t actually effect you too much... which is why i think you’re being ta.
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woah. the kids of reddit are back.
you’re growing up op. time to realize birthdays don’t mean anything.
nah. i see being a little disappointed but it’s time to put your big boys pants on and get over it. most of the wedding guests will know, you’ll get to have a great time and everyone will think you’re a very supportive and loving son.
if you kick up a fuss you’ll come across as entitled, a douchebag and a child for ruining your mums day.
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>i'm 22, in case age matters here
age *does* matter here, and if you're old enough to post this on reddit, yta. that is to say, get over yourself and your birthday-related entitlement. you're not a child anymore; adults accommodate their birthday celebration, if any, around other big and small life events. your mother's *wedding* takes precedence here. sorry, adult birthdays are just not any big deal.
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yta
“stealing potential party guests” - for a 23rd birthday?
i like celebrating my birthday but i realize that i don’t own the day.
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info is there any rationale for picking that day? like some relatives have to fly in and that's the time that would work? or she really likes a certain venue and can only do it that day? anything that could explain her seemingly aish decision?
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yta. calm down about your birthday. why do you care about playing "second fiddle" to your parents anniversary? i mean, do you really plan to celebrate your birthday on your birthday with your mom for the rest of your life?? and her saying she'd celebrate her anniversary on your birthday? so what, it's a light-hearted joke. she probably didn't realize you were being so petty and butthurt about the whole deal because it's silly for you to care so much
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NTA
| null |
INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
| 0.275248 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my mom and dad divorced some time ago, and my mom has since started dating again and now wants to get married to her boyfriend. the problem is that the date she set for the wedding is the exact day my birthday is on. i know from her that she did not forget that fact, since she specifically said to me "we will get married on your birthday"; she also said something like "we will celebrate your birthday **too**" aita for being pissed off about this? seems like she's "stealing" potential party guests among my family and friends who will instead be attending her wedding. and keep in mind that this would not be over next year, since my birthday would then forever be her wedding anniversary, which i'd play second fiddle to. wibta for not attending the wedding for these reasons? i'm 22, in case age matters here
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my mom and dad divorced some time ago, and my mom has since started dating again and now wants to get married to her boyfriend. the problem is that the date she set for the wedding is the exact day my birthday is on. i know from her that she did not forget that fact, since she specifically said to me "we will get married on your birthday"; she also said something like "we will celebrate your birthday **too**" aita for being pissed off about this? seems like she's "stealing" potential party guests among my family and friends who will instead be attending her wedding. and keep in mind that this would not be over next year, since my birthday would then forever be her wedding anniversary, which i'd play second fiddle to. wibta for not attending the wedding for these reasons? i'm 22, in case age matters here [/INST] nta - that's a bit shitty. i don't care for birthdays that much but understandably a lot of people do. to set a wedding date on the same day as your child's birthday, when they clearly would like to celebrate it in another way, is a dick move. </s>
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AITA for white lying to my girlfriend about masturbating?
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quick backstory : my current gf of 7 months was previously cheated on in her last relationship. she acknowledges that she has current trust issues. my gf sleeps over my place 5 days out of the week.
my gf came back today from a 4 day international vacation trip with her girl best friend. during this period, i masturbated once back here at home. my girlfriend is now back and we're on the couch watching tv. guy in tv starts watching porn, which prompts my girlfriend to ask me when the last time i masturbated was.
the last time she asked me about masturbating, i gave her an honest answer, and she got very upset. i don't see much of a problem with masturbating. we've had a lot of small arguments recently, so part of what we agreed on when we made up is that she'd work on the way she reacts to hurtful truths, as she normally shuts down and stops communicating.
as my girlfriend asks me when the last time i masturbated was, i white-lied and told her it's been a while. as she persists with her questioning, i say that it's been a few weeks. a bit more questioning and i reveal it's actually only been this weekend. i then sincerely apologize profusely about lying, explaining that i was wary of how she'd react, based on her previous reactions.
gf hates the fact that i lied, and equates it to "if you lie about this, you can be hiding anything". she associates white lies to lies with cheating. i try to explain my intentions and my line of thinking, but she's had none of it. she's since left and won't be spending the night.
i understand i'm an asshole for white lying, but in my head she might be over reacting a bit. she's also ignored my apologies.
edit1: sorry need to stress more that she's more upset about the white lying rather than the actual masturbating. however she admits she would've been upset with that too, had i told the truth in the first place. (which is exactly why i white-lied)
| 298 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ainzux/aita_for_white_lying_to_my_girlfriend_about/
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2019-01-22 15:38:04
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nta, also massive red flag. if your girlfriend isn't going to let you masturbate, she's being kind of douchy. seriously, masturbating is a healthy part of your own sexual life, and she shouldn't be violating that.
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esh you shouldn't have lied but she has no right to dictate what you do with your body anymore then you do with hers. honestly if she is upset about you beating off i'd run fast and run far...
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esh i think your heart was in the right place with the lie but it is always better to tell the truth.
i think she needs to take a look at herself though it seems a ridiculous way to react about masturbating . does she not masturbate at all ?
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esh you shouldn't lie and she should grow up
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nta. it's your own private life man you can't let anyone dictate that with there feelings, it's something everyone does and she needs to grow and except that your gonna do that, but the fact that you do that also doesn't mean your gonna cheat.
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i'm going with esh.
normally i don't have to much of an issue with white lies, and long as they are truly harmless and have no bearing on anything. however because of the past issues you mentioed i would say you should keep the white lies to a bare minimum (zero) with her.
getting upset about said masterbation is ridiculous. i would promptly tell her if she doesn't like the fact that i yank it sometimes, theres the door dont let it hit your ass on the way out.
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nta
you need to get yourself out of that relationship. she has obvious and massive trust issues.
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nta. you should be allowed to masturbate as you please in your own home, it’s your personal set of genitals. she over-reacts about you masturbating, leading you to try to avoid essentially being shamed for masturbating when she asks in the future. which makes hta kind of.
don’t lie to her about it in the future, if she asks, tell her the truth, she might get upset but own it. eventually, with you being honest with her she will be more okay with it because you’re not hiding it(hopefully),
don’t hold this against her either if you can. she’s insecure and she doesn’t need to be punished for being this way.
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>the last time she asked me about masturbating, i gave her an honest answer, and she got very upset.
info. what exactly makes her upset about it?
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nta - the fuck is it her business? why is she the inquisitor of jacking off?
&#x200b;
you need to abort this relationship asap. red flags all over. asking about your beat sessions, freaking out about your possible being embarrassed and "fibbing" about it. "trust" issues sounds more like projecting.
&#x200b;
4 day international vacation? woman i beat off eight times since you left.
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.34993 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: quick backstory : my current gf of 7 months was previously cheated on in her last relationship. she acknowledges that she has current trust issues. my gf sleeps over my place 5 days out of the week. my gf came back today from a 4 day international vacation trip with her girl best friend. during this period, i masturbated once back here at home. my girlfriend is now back and we're on the couch watching tv. guy in tv starts watching porn, which prompts my girlfriend to ask me when the last time i masturbated was. the last time she asked me about masturbating, i gave her an honest answer, and she got very upset. i don't see much of a problem with masturbating. we've had a lot of small arguments recently, so part of what we agreed on when we made up is that she'd work on the way she reacts to hurtful truths, as she normally shuts down and stops communicating. as my girlfriend asks me when the last time i masturbated was, i white-lied and told her it's been a while. as she persists with her questioning, i say that it's been a few weeks. a bit more questioning and i reveal it's actually only been this weekend. i then sincerely apologize profusely about lying, explaining that i was wary of how she'd react, based on her previous reactions. gf hates the fact that i lied, and equates it to "if you lie about this, you can be hiding anything". she associates white lies to lies with cheating. i try to explain my intentions and my line of thinking, but she's had none of it. she's since left and won't be spending the night. i understand i'm an asshole for white lying, but in my head she might be over reacting a bit. she's also ignored my apologies. edit1: sorry need to stress more that she's more upset about the white lying rather than the actual masturbating. however she admits she would've been upset with that too, had i told the truth in the first place. (which is exactly why i white-lied)
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
quick backstory : my current gf of 7 months was previously cheated on in her last relationship. she acknowledges that she has current trust issues. my gf sleeps over my place 5 days out of the week. my gf came back today from a 4 day international vacation trip with her girl best friend. during this period, i masturbated once back here at home. my girlfriend is now back and we're on the couch watching tv. guy in tv starts watching porn, which prompts my girlfriend to ask me when the last time i masturbated was. the last time she asked me about masturbating, i gave her an honest answer, and she got very upset. i don't see much of a problem with masturbating. we've had a lot of small arguments recently, so part of what we agreed on when we made up is that she'd work on the way she reacts to hurtful truths, as she normally shuts down and stops communicating. as my girlfriend asks me when the last time i masturbated was, i white-lied and told her it's been a while. as she persists with her questioning, i say that it's been a few weeks. a bit more questioning and i reveal it's actually only been this weekend. i then sincerely apologize profusely about lying, explaining that i was wary of how she'd react, based on her previous reactions. gf hates the fact that i lied, and equates it to "if you lie about this, you can be hiding anything". she associates white lies to lies with cheating. i try to explain my intentions and my line of thinking, but she's had none of it. she's since left and won't be spending the night. i understand i'm an asshole for white lying, but in my head she might be over reacting a bit. she's also ignored my apologies. edit1: sorry need to stress more that she's more upset about the white lying rather than the actual masturbating. however she admits she would've been upset with that too, had i told the truth in the first place. (which is exactly why i white-lied) [/INST] nta, also massive red flag. if your girlfriend isn't going to let you masturbate, she's being kind of douchy. seriously, masturbating is a healthy part of your own sexual life, and she shouldn't be violating that. </s>
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AITA for swearing at my mom during a mother's day celebration, after she excluded my wife?
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growing up i was close to my family. i'm the youngest of three kids and had a great upbringing. as of right now my family isn't that close. my mom and dad have been distant for a while and my mom stopped hosting holidays years ago. that part really sucks because i know she isn't obligated, but out of my wife, me, and the rest of the family none of us are good cooks, and my mom used to do amazing holidays.
my parents travel a lot, spend a lot of time with friends, and just don't seem interested in us or their grandkids from my oldest brother. we get together maybe once every two to three months. i saw my mom for mother's day the other day, and it came up that we rarely get together and that my parents don't want to do holidays anymore (they do it with their friends) my mom said that honestly now that her kids are married and bring their spouses she doesn't have much interest in hosting. i said that was a little selfish, and she said she doesn't have much fun when we all get together.
i asked her point blank if she had a problem with my wife. my mom said not particularly but i chose her, she didn't, and she doesn't enjoy spending time with people she doesn't feel fully comfortable with. i might have jumped the shark a bit, but i called her an evil bitch and said i can't forgive her for wanting to exclude my wife. my mom was just like whatever, but my father was furious and they left.
| 472 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n9dzbk/aita_for_swearing_at_my_mom_during_a_mothers_day/
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2021-05-10 19:37:31
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yta - woah dude, you like. escalated. she just said she wasn't 100% comfortable. i mean you are obviously upset about the holidays thing, but you just took it to such a crazy level. maybe this whole like, looking for an excuse to call your mother a crazy bitch on mother's day is a part of why she doesn't feel comfortable around you or your spouse.
also your mom is allowed to have friends.
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yta. your mom put on at least 20 years of holidays? now she doesn’t want to do it anymore for a pretty valid reason. you’re all adults with your own families that your mom doesn’t feel super close to. there’s nothing wrong with that. she should get to enjoy her holidays with whomever she chooses. learn how to cook. it’s not rocket science.
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yta. it sounds like you asked questions and didn’t like the answers. i’d guess you are a taker and expect her to be a doting mammy even though you are a grown up. your poor mum, dealing with an adult temper tantrum.
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yta. your mom is not your cook. why should she always be the one hosting? how about you and your wife take the time and learn to cook and host holidays gathering instead?
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well then. with that response i can see why your mom chooses not to host holidays and spend her time traveling.
yta
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you asked what was up, your mother told you she doesn't feel totally comfortable with your wife (a perfectly reasonable position for her to take) and you thought you'd solve it with a quick profanity laced tirade?
what exactly is it that you believe you're owed here? her great cooking, available on demand and at your convenience? your mother sounds self-aware, thoughtful, and polite, if shy. you sound entitled and honestly a little unhinged.
yta
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yta
you asked, she answered politely, but you didn't like her answer so.flipped out.
have you, your wife and your parents made an effort to get to know eachother? to make eachother comfortable? do you invite her over for diner regularly? or do you just expect your mom to do all the hosting and cooking?
look, she could have pretended and probably make diners quite awkward. instead, your parents decided to find joy in their own dinner parties. only way to resolve this: meet eachother halfway, do stuff that is nice for everyone. or just accept that this is the way it is. but first: apologise!
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yta - maybe your mum doesn’t like the big holidays with your families if all the cooking etc is on her to do?
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yta
seriously, your mom is not obligated to be comfortable with your wife or even like her. your mom is not obligated to host holidays and is allowed to opt out because it was no longer fun. you all have your own families now, act like a responsible adult.
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yta hosting holidays is a crap ton of work. i know this because we took over a lot of the hosting when we all became adults, got married and started having children of our own. why would your mom choose to have so many people over every 3 months when it doesn't seem like any of her grown ass children or their spouses are willing to reciprocate? when we do a big holiday like christmas i spend at least a day before cleaning, and the day after cleaning up after everyone else. we spend a ton of money on food, we spend a ton of time cooking, we have a ton of dishes to clean up after. it's exhausting. i don't mind because my mom spent 25 years doing it, now it's our turn to put the work in.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: growing up i was close to my family. i'm the youngest of three kids and had a great upbringing. as of right now my family isn't that close. my mom and dad have been distant for a while and my mom stopped hosting holidays years ago. that part really sucks because i know she isn't obligated, but out of my wife, me, and the rest of the family none of us are good cooks, and my mom used to do amazing holidays. my parents travel a lot, spend a lot of time with friends, and just don't seem interested in us or their grandkids from my oldest brother. we get together maybe once every two to three months. i saw my mom for mother's day the other day, and it came up that we rarely get together and that my parents don't want to do holidays anymore (they do it with their friends) my mom said that honestly now that her kids are married and bring their spouses she doesn't have much interest in hosting. i said that was a little selfish, and she said she doesn't have much fun when we all get together. i asked her point blank if she had a problem with my wife. my mom said not particularly but i chose her, she didn't, and she doesn't enjoy spending time with people she doesn't feel fully comfortable with. i might have jumped the shark a bit, but i called her an evil bitch and said i can't forgive her for wanting to exclude my wife. my mom was just like whatever, but my father was furious and they left.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
growing up i was close to my family. i'm the youngest of three kids and had a great upbringing. as of right now my family isn't that close. my mom and dad have been distant for a while and my mom stopped hosting holidays years ago. that part really sucks because i know she isn't obligated, but out of my wife, me, and the rest of the family none of us are good cooks, and my mom used to do amazing holidays. my parents travel a lot, spend a lot of time with friends, and just don't seem interested in us or their grandkids from my oldest brother. we get together maybe once every two to three months. i saw my mom for mother's day the other day, and it came up that we rarely get together and that my parents don't want to do holidays anymore (they do it with their friends) my mom said that honestly now that her kids are married and bring their spouses she doesn't have much interest in hosting. i said that was a little selfish, and she said she doesn't have much fun when we all get together. i asked her point blank if she had a problem with my wife. my mom said not particularly but i chose her, she didn't, and she doesn't enjoy spending time with people she doesn't feel fully comfortable with. i might have jumped the shark a bit, but i called her an evil bitch and said i can't forgive her for wanting to exclude my wife. my mom was just like whatever, but my father was furious and they left. [/INST] yta - woah dude, you like. escalated. she just said she wasn't 100% comfortable. i mean you are obviously upset about the holidays thing, but you just took it to such a crazy level. maybe this whole like, looking for an excuse to call your mother a crazy bitch on mother's day is a part of why she doesn't feel comfortable around you or your spouse. also your mom is allowed to have friends. </s>
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AITA for getting my friend disinvited from a wedding?
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i’ve (26f) met mary (f27), sean (m28) and cat (f26) in college (fake names). mary and sean dated for 3 years and broke up in the last year of college, saying they wanted different things in life. mary was upset over it (imo mary always seemed more invested in their relationship then sean) but everyone remained friends.
two years after, cat and sean started dating. mary didn’t say anything to them, but she kept telling everyone how cat was just waiting for the opportunity to take her man. this got back to cat and sean and it obviously strained a little their relationship with mary.
cat and sean are getting married come december and i’m on the bridal party, i’ve been helping them set everything up.
mary was invited, but recently i was out with her and some friends and she was saying how she was going to “stir some fun” at the wedding. i questioned her about it but she just laughed and said she was just going to enjoy the party and the open bar.
vera, another friend, pulled me aside and told me mary had been talking about making a bit of a scandal during the party to “get back at cat” and they’d been trying to talk her out of it but it didn’t seem to be working.
i knew how much cat and sean were putting money and effort into this wedding and how happy and excited they were so i went to cat and sean and told them about what i heard.
cat talked to mary and apparently things were not okay, and now mary is disinvited from the wedding.
cat and sean thanked me for telling them and sparing them of this at their wedding day. but mary and some friends have been bombarding my phone telling me i’m a b*tch and i shouldn’t have meddled in this.
aita for telling cat and sean about mary’s plans?
| 1,279 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pxa9p6/aita_for_getting_my_friend_disinvited_from_a/
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2021-09-28 16:36:51
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nta. m is acting like a child.. just tell her the wedding is child-free.
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man so many of these are about weddings.
nta
if she’s planning to actually sabotage the wedding, that’s not okay.
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nta! considering that no one could talk m out of “her plans” and the fact that they’re not even denying that she was gonna stir trouble, your call was correct!
also, i hope all the friends who didn’t want you to “meddle” have their weddings ruined by m so they can learn their lesson!
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nta, but m certainly is! she likely knew you would tell c & s about her plan, so she purposely didn't tell you. this means m knows she's in the wrong, and is likely more upset that you brought things to light, thus preventing it from occurring. you are a good friend for protecting c & s. i suggest you do some serious thinking about your friendship with m, because if she's willing to hold a jealous grudge against a friend long enough to plot ruining a wedding, who knows what she would plot against you now that she can't do that.
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nta. i hope yours friends are prepared for m to take revenge nonetheless. she wants to ruin the memory of the wedding
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nta
normally i’d say mind your own business, but i can’t imagine sitting back and waiting for someone to ruin a wedding and not doing anything. ignoring it and letting it happen is almost approving it since you would have known it was coming. weddings aren’t something to mess with for revenge. m needs to move on from this and let it go. everyone blaming you is an enabler that would have been fine letting it happen and not good friends to c and s.
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nta
your friends deserve to enjoy their wedding without it getting sabotaged
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nta all "pranksters" shudder be closed in room with other pranksters and then they can do their life miserable.... m is ta. can you ask now what she wanted to do?
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god i wish people would just use fake names. i fully didn’t read this cause i couldn’t follow it when it’s just initials.
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nta. m needs to talk to a therapist if she's still so hung up on this perceived betrayal years later that she would try to mess with their wedding. that's an unhealthy obsession. you did good to protect your friends from m's toxic behavior.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’ve (26f) met mary (f27), sean (m28) and cat (f26) in college (fake names). mary and sean dated for 3 years and broke up in the last year of college, saying they wanted different things in life. mary was upset over it (imo mary always seemed more invested in their relationship then sean) but everyone remained friends. two years after, cat and sean started dating. mary didn’t say anything to them, but she kept telling everyone how cat was just waiting for the opportunity to take her man. this got back to cat and sean and it obviously strained a little their relationship with mary. cat and sean are getting married come december and i’m on the bridal party, i’ve been helping them set everything up. mary was invited, but recently i was out with her and some friends and she was saying how she was going to “stir some fun” at the wedding. i questioned her about it but she just laughed and said she was just going to enjoy the party and the open bar. vera, another friend, pulled me aside and told me mary had been talking about making a bit of a scandal during the party to “get back at cat” and they’d been trying to talk her out of it but it didn’t seem to be working. i knew how much cat and sean were putting money and effort into this wedding and how happy and excited they were so i went to cat and sean and told them about what i heard. cat talked to mary and apparently things were not okay, and now mary is disinvited from the wedding. cat and sean thanked me for telling them and sparing them of this at their wedding day. but mary and some friends have been bombarding my phone telling me i’m a b*tch and i shouldn’t have meddled in this. aita for telling cat and sean about mary’s plans?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’ve (26f) met mary (f27), sean (m28) and cat (f26) in college (fake names). mary and sean dated for 3 years and broke up in the last year of college, saying they wanted different things in life. mary was upset over it (imo mary always seemed more invested in their relationship then sean) but everyone remained friends. two years after, cat and sean started dating. mary didn’t say anything to them, but she kept telling everyone how cat was just waiting for the opportunity to take her man. this got back to cat and sean and it obviously strained a little their relationship with mary. cat and sean are getting married come december and i’m on the bridal party, i’ve been helping them set everything up. mary was invited, but recently i was out with her and some friends and she was saying how she was going to “stir some fun” at the wedding. i questioned her about it but she just laughed and said she was just going to enjoy the party and the open bar. vera, another friend, pulled me aside and told me mary had been talking about making a bit of a scandal during the party to “get back at cat” and they’d been trying to talk her out of it but it didn’t seem to be working. i knew how much cat and sean were putting money and effort into this wedding and how happy and excited they were so i went to cat and sean and told them about what i heard. cat talked to mary and apparently things were not okay, and now mary is disinvited from the wedding. cat and sean thanked me for telling them and sparing them of this at their wedding day. but mary and some friends have been bombarding my phone telling me i’m a b*tch and i shouldn’t have meddled in this. aita for telling cat and sean about mary’s plans? [/INST] nta. m is acting like a child.. just tell her the wedding is child-free. </s>
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AITA for calling my husband selfish over money?
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i'm 29f and i'm an rn. i have a pretty stable bank account, as well as cd accounts that i cannot touch for 4 years. my husband is a shop worker who builds sheds in a warehouse. he does not have a bank account or any investments due to his mother forging checks in his name that overdrew his account last year. he gets paper checks that he cashes at the local walmart while paying off the debt that she caused.
given that i make more than him and his job is more of a commute, i let him take my debit card with him to work for gas and food. all of our bills are split based off our income and neither of us have financial problems (aside from what isnt his fault) so i have never run into an issue.
however, he got promoted 3 weeks ago and makes $4 more an hour now. i still make more but i've noticed he has been weird with money ever since. i wanted to go to the casino for my birthday. we both got the day off and went with $20 each. neither of us are big gamblers. i just wanted to try it out, as i havent been since i turned 21.
well.. he ended up pulling another $20 out of the debit card for himself when he went through his original $20 and when i asked for the debit card so i could do the same, his response was "well i'm almost done with this anyways so why dont we just leave?" i told him i didnt want to leave yet and his response was "yeah i know but all we are doing is wasting money here. we arent winning." i dont know why but this really pissed me off. this is the first time he has told me what i cannot do with my money in the 12 years we have been together.
my response to him was to say "just because you got a promotion doesnt mean that you can start dictating what i can and cannot do with my money. you just pulled another $20 for yourself but i cannot do the same? are you really going to be fucking selfish right now?" he immediately cashed out of his machine and walked out, with the money in tow. when i got back to the car he told me i was an ah for calling him out in the middle of a casino about money that we shouldnt be spending in the first place. the casino was pretty much vacant and there was no one anywhere near us so it's not like anyone heard me say this to him but he is still offended.
aita?
| 316 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j9ozf8/aita_for_calling_my_husband_selfish_over_money/
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2020-10-12 11:12:29
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nta but your husband sure is. a little bit of extra money and he thinks he can do this? not ok. don’t give him your debit card. let him have a set amount of cash. or, he can provide for himself.
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nta. i believe you can never be an ah for calling out hypocrites
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nta, he behaves like that on your birthday?!? he doesn’t respect you.
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nta this is a serious red flag. things were only “equal” or “fair”/“shared” between you two when you held more money than him but the second he has more money than you he gets stingy and controlling? tread carefully this sounds like a recipe for financial and emotional abuse. watch out for other warning signs like suddenly wanting you to do more ‘womens’ work and things of that nature.
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nta this is terrible and disrespectful and it’s better that you nipped this in the bud. he can get his own bank account and you should either take back your card or have a deep sit down conversation about finances going forward.
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nta.
also
"he does not have a bank account or any investments due to his mother forging checks in his name that overdrew his account last year."
wtf? why has he not reported this to the police and gotten it removed from his record?
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nta. but your husband is. moreover, he should have filed identity fraud against his mother.
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nta. tell him if he's going to start dictating what you can and cannot do and basically hold your debit card ransom, then he will no longer have access to it. talk about one thing for him and another for you.
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nta it was your birthday, you have every right to spend as much as him. if he was concerned about the total amount he could have split the $20 with you but he didnt even offer. if he thought you shouldnt be spending it anyway, why did he grab more? if anything by his logic you should have called him out for spending money he shouldnt be spending.
$80 for a birthday date isnt an insane amount. casino money is a recreational activity no different than a dinner out. it's no different than any other thing that offers temporary gratification. what he is saying is that if you went to dinner instead, he had the right to $40 in food/drinks and you only could get $20 worth.
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nta
and don’t let him use your debit card anymore. walmart has a money card. he can cash his checks right on to it.
separate your finances before he continues to be financially abusive.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm 29f and i'm an rn. i have a pretty stable bank account, as well as cd accounts that i cannot touch for 4 years. my husband is a shop worker who builds sheds in a warehouse. he does not have a bank account or any investments due to his mother forging checks in his name that overdrew his account last year. he gets paper checks that he cashes at the local walmart while paying off the debt that she caused. given that i make more than him and his job is more of a commute, i let him take my debit card with him to work for gas and food. all of our bills are split based off our income and neither of us have financial problems (aside from what isnt his fault) so i have never run into an issue. however, he got promoted 3 weeks ago and makes $4 more an hour now. i still make more but i've noticed he has been weird with money ever since. i wanted to go to the casino for my birthday. we both got the day off and went with $20 each. neither of us are big gamblers. i just wanted to try it out, as i havent been since i turned 21. well.. he ended up pulling another $20 out of the debit card for himself when he went through his original $20 and when i asked for the debit card so i could do the same, his response was "well i'm almost done with this anyways so why dont we just leave?" i told him i didnt want to leave yet and his response was "yeah i know but all we are doing is wasting money here. we arent winning." i dont know why but this really pissed me off. this is the first time he has told me what i cannot do with my money in the 12 years we have been together. my response to him was to say "just because you got a promotion doesnt mean that you can start dictating what i can and cannot do with my money. you just pulled another $20 for yourself but i cannot do the same? are you really going to be fucking selfish right now?" he immediately cashed out of his machine and walked out, with the money in tow. when i got back to the car he told me i was an ah for calling him out in the middle of a casino about money that we shouldnt be spending in the first place. the casino was pretty much vacant and there was no one anywhere near us so it's not like anyone heard me say this to him but he is still offended. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm 29f and i'm an rn. i have a pretty stable bank account, as well as cd accounts that i cannot touch for 4 years. my husband is a shop worker who builds sheds in a warehouse. he does not have a bank account or any investments due to his mother forging checks in his name that overdrew his account last year. he gets paper checks that he cashes at the local walmart while paying off the debt that she caused. given that i make more than him and his job is more of a commute, i let him take my debit card with him to work for gas and food. all of our bills are split based off our income and neither of us have financial problems (aside from what isnt his fault) so i have never run into an issue. however, he got promoted 3 weeks ago and makes $4 more an hour now. i still make more but i've noticed he has been weird with money ever since. i wanted to go to the casino for my birthday. we both got the day off and went with $20 each. neither of us are big gamblers. i just wanted to try it out, as i havent been since i turned 21. well.. he ended up pulling another $20 out of the debit card for himself when he went through his original $20 and when i asked for the debit card so i could do the same, his response was "well i'm almost done with this anyways so why dont we just leave?" i told him i didnt want to leave yet and his response was "yeah i know but all we are doing is wasting money here. we arent winning." i dont know why but this really pissed me off. this is the first time he has told me what i cannot do with my money in the 12 years we have been together. my response to him was to say "just because you got a promotion doesnt mean that you can start dictating what i can and cannot do with my money. you just pulled another $20 for yourself but i cannot do the same? are you really going to be fucking selfish right now?" he immediately cashed out of his machine and walked out, with the money in tow. when i got back to the car he told me i was an ah for calling him out in the middle of a casino about money that we shouldnt be spending in the first place. the casino was pretty much vacant and there was no one anywhere near us so it's not like anyone heard me say this to him but he is still offended. aita? [/INST] nta but your husband sure is. a little bit of extra money and he thinks he can do this? not ok. don’t give him your debit card. let him have a set amount of cash. or, he can provide for himself. </s>
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AITA for getting a tech store suspended from Apple?
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i have applecare+. my laptop was not turning on and showing an error screen so i went online to make a genius bar appointment at the nearest apple store. i needed my laptop for freelance work i was doing and didn't want to loose important files. most of my stuff is backed up since i back things up every month, but still - i didn't want to loose all of my programs. the closest appointment that i could make was in four days, so i decided to book at an apple affiliate store instead.
when there, a worker i'll call "john" explained to me that this apple affiliate store would charge me $500 to mail my laptop out even though i was covered by applecare+. the store kept bringing up extra charges, such as charging me $200 to expedite my mac to the top of their to-do list since i stressed needing it quickly for my work. i was desperate, so i let them run free diagnostics. they did ask for my laptop password and asked for me to remove activation lock. all of this they claimed was apple policy.
they eventually got to my computer in two days and called me back with two separate options. they explained there was no way to recover my data so i could either pay $300 to get it sent to a data recovery center (????) or $200 for the store to reinstall my system albeit wiped. the store said if i took my computer to apple they would just wipe by computer because "apple doesn't handle data." i decided to just go to the store and take my computer back.
i called apple customer support that night and explained what had happened. the worker said i shouldn't have been charged for the mailing device process since i had applecare+. i brought up that the store said apple wouldn't try to recover my data and the worker expressed shock at this claim. she said they would open a store report and suspend their apple affiliate license until this claim is checked out further. they also were able to squeeze time for me to meet at an actual apple store and fixed my computer... recovering all my data... for free. it was covered under applecare+.
i was at a family dinner and telling this story but was rather surprised to be called in the wrong for letting apple go ahead with the store report. my uncle said the store is local and would loose a lot of work since they couldn't get appointments through apple anymore and i should have just forgiven and forgot.
aita for getting this tech store suspended?
| 193 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w367r3/aita_for_getting_a_tech_store_suspended_from_apple/
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2022-07-19 23:00:08
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nta. if it’s local it sounds like you did your community a favor
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nta they screwed you over like a shady mechanic telling you your car needs parts that it doesn't. you were absolutely right to report them, and it's apple who gets to set those terms, not them.
if apple dictates service be done in a certain way, then that store is liable to do it that way or face the consequences they are facing now. they only get to use apple's branding and marketing as a trade off for abiding by the rules that apple sets out. they have only themselves to blame for their shifty practices.
you've actually done your local community a better service by stopping them from doing this to others. i'm apple certified myself and this makes the rest of us look bad, so thank for removing a "bad apple" from the bunch!(sorry i just could not resist the pun)
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nta - they should be suspended, they're scamming so many people with these extras "fees"
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nta. just curious, is your uncle a small business owner? it sounds like nothing about the service of the local shop was positive, and they probably shouldn't be affiliated with apple. i think your report and reviews were entirely justified.
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nta i don't care if a store is local, if it relies on scams to run it should be shut down
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have applecare+. my laptop was not turning on and showing an error screen so i went online to make a genius bar appointment at the nearest apple store. i needed my laptop for freelance work i was doing and didn't want to loose important files. most of my stuff is backed up since i back things up every month, but still - i didn't want to loose all of my programs. the closest appointment that i could make was in four days, so i decided to book at an apple affiliate store instead. when there, a worker i'll call "john" explained to me that this apple affiliate store would charge me $500 to mail my laptop out even though i was covered by applecare+. the store kept bringing up extra charges, such as charging me $200 to expedite my mac to the top of their to-do list since i stressed needing it quickly for my work. i was desperate, so i let them run free diagnostics. they did ask for my laptop password and asked for me to remove activation lock. all of this they claimed was apple policy. they eventually got to my computer in two days and called me back with two separate options. they explained there was no way to recover my data so i could either pay $300 to get it sent to a data recovery center (????) or $200 for the store to reinstall my system albeit wiped. the store said if i took my computer to apple they would just wipe by computer because "apple doesn't handle data." i decided to just go to the store and take my computer back. i called apple customer support that night and explained what had happened. the worker said i shouldn't have been charged for the mailing device process since i had applecare+. i brought up that the store said apple wouldn't try to recover my data and the worker expressed shock at this claim. she said they would open a store report and suspend their apple affiliate license until this claim is checked out further. they also were able to squeeze time for me to meet at an actual apple store and fixed my computer... recovering all my data... for free. it was covered under applecare+. i was at a family dinner and telling this story but was rather surprised to be called in the wrong for letting apple go ahead with the store report. my uncle said the store is local and would loose a lot of work since they couldn't get appointments through apple anymore and i should have just forgiven and forgot. aita for getting this tech store suspended?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have applecare+. my laptop was not turning on and showing an error screen so i went online to make a genius bar appointment at the nearest apple store. i needed my laptop for freelance work i was doing and didn't want to loose important files. most of my stuff is backed up since i back things up every month, but still - i didn't want to loose all of my programs. the closest appointment that i could make was in four days, so i decided to book at an apple affiliate store instead. when there, a worker i'll call "john" explained to me that this apple affiliate store would charge me $500 to mail my laptop out even though i was covered by applecare+. the store kept bringing up extra charges, such as charging me $200 to expedite my mac to the top of their to-do list since i stressed needing it quickly for my work. i was desperate, so i let them run free diagnostics. they did ask for my laptop password and asked for me to remove activation lock. all of this they claimed was apple policy. they eventually got to my computer in two days and called me back with two separate options. they explained there was no way to recover my data so i could either pay $300 to get it sent to a data recovery center (????) or $200 for the store to reinstall my system albeit wiped. the store said if i took my computer to apple they would just wipe by computer because "apple doesn't handle data." i decided to just go to the store and take my computer back. i called apple customer support that night and explained what had happened. the worker said i shouldn't have been charged for the mailing device process since i had applecare+. i brought up that the store said apple wouldn't try to recover my data and the worker expressed shock at this claim. she said they would open a store report and suspend their apple affiliate license until this claim is checked out further. they also were able to squeeze time for me to meet at an actual apple store and fixed my computer... recovering all my data... for free. it was covered under applecare+. i was at a family dinner and telling this story but was rather surprised to be called in the wrong for letting apple go ahead with the store report. my uncle said the store is local and would loose a lot of work since they couldn't get appointments through apple anymore and i should have just forgiven and forgot. aita for getting this tech store suspended? [/INST] nta. if it’s local it sounds like you did your community a favor </s>
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AITA: For being mad that I was excluded from my own plans?
|
hi reddit,
last week i invited my friend to go to the chicago bears game with me and another friend. we hadn't purchased the tickets yet, but we asked if he wanted to go and make a day of it (go to a bar, go to the game, do something after). he waffled back and forth about if he wanted to go or not for about a week, before i asked him to make a final choice.
i found tickets in a good section for a really, really good deal, sent him the link and asked him if he wanted to go. he said he didn't want to go since it was an exhibition game and that he would rather save his money since it wasn't a game that counted. i asked somebody else if they wanted the tickets, they had to work, but then another buddy and i decided to go, only to find out that the tickets had been sold. i didn't think much of it, and i wasn't really upset about it, just figured it wasn't meant to be and decided to watch from home instead.
the night before the game our friend group was hanging out and he mentioned that he was taking his ex girlfriend who he is trying to get back together with to the game the next day (he has been going on a series of expensive dates to try and win her back, it's unrelated but it's a mess). i told him "what happened to not wanting to go?" and he just laughed and said "well i changed my mind". the next day he was at the game with her sitting in the exact seats that i had picked out, so he essentially offered it up to his ex, bought the tickets, and cut me out of it when i was the one who tried to initiate going to the event, and was the one who found the tickets.
the next day i saw him and told him it was a shitty thing to do, and told him that i hoped he enjoyed spending twice as much to go with someone who doesn't care about football and leave early. i also told him that i would've accepted him just saying he wanted to take her, but lying to me about it is what got me actually upset, and buying the tickets he said i was being an asshole about it, and that i needed to realize that making peace with her was what was most important to him at the time. i am obviously pissed about being treated this way, and am ready to just stop talking to him as its clear he's going to run me over in favor of his ex anytime he gets the chance, but i also acknowledge that she might have asked him to go after we talked about it. one of my friends said it was a dumb thing to be upset about, and that i was being an irrational ah about it.
so...aita?
| 159 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pa6hj9/aita_for_being_mad_that_i_was_excluded_from_my/
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2021-08-23 19:03:46
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nta
>he said i was being an asshole about it, and that i needed to realize that making peace with her was what was most important to him at the time.
he's not your friend. he's a guy you know that doesn't give a shit about anyone or anything that's not directly making his life better. he's not worth your energy.
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nta
so not only did he **hijacked your plans**, but he also **lied** to you?
that's not real friendship right there man. i mean you explained in detail what you were mad about and he still had the audacity to call you an ah?
you should definitely go nc. real friends don't pull shitty stunts like that.
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nta. he let you do the legwork for a date with his ex. you’re right to be upset, but just let it go from here on out and don’t invite him to anything.
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nta. nta. nta. what. an. ass.
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nta. toxic relationships tend to take anyone around down with them.
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nta. this guy sucks; doesn't even really sound like he wanted to hang with you in the first place. ex girlfriend is probably taking advantage of him and he deserves it.
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nta
the big part of this is he lied. he didn't "change his mind", he lied. i can have any relationship with liars, even friendship.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi reddit, last week i invited my friend to go to the chicago bears game with me and another friend. we hadn't purchased the tickets yet, but we asked if he wanted to go and make a day of it (go to a bar, go to the game, do something after). he waffled back and forth about if he wanted to go or not for about a week, before i asked him to make a final choice. i found tickets in a good section for a really, really good deal, sent him the link and asked him if he wanted to go. he said he didn't want to go since it was an exhibition game and that he would rather save his money since it wasn't a game that counted. i asked somebody else if they wanted the tickets, they had to work, but then another buddy and i decided to go, only to find out that the tickets had been sold. i didn't think much of it, and i wasn't really upset about it, just figured it wasn't meant to be and decided to watch from home instead. the night before the game our friend group was hanging out and he mentioned that he was taking his ex girlfriend who he is trying to get back together with to the game the next day (he has been going on a series of expensive dates to try and win her back, it's unrelated but it's a mess). i told him "what happened to not wanting to go?" and he just laughed and said "well i changed my mind". the next day he was at the game with her sitting in the exact seats that i had picked out, so he essentially offered it up to his ex, bought the tickets, and cut me out of it when i was the one who tried to initiate going to the event, and was the one who found the tickets. the next day i saw him and told him it was a shitty thing to do, and told him that i hoped he enjoyed spending twice as much to go with someone who doesn't care about football and leave early. i also told him that i would've accepted him just saying he wanted to take her, but lying to me about it is what got me actually upset, and buying the tickets he said i was being an asshole about it, and that i needed to realize that making peace with her was what was most important to him at the time. i am obviously pissed about being treated this way, and am ready to just stop talking to him as its clear he's going to run me over in favor of his ex anytime he gets the chance, but i also acknowledge that she might have asked him to go after we talked about it. one of my friends said it was a dumb thing to be upset about, and that i was being an irrational ah about it. so...aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi reddit, last week i invited my friend to go to the chicago bears game with me and another friend. we hadn't purchased the tickets yet, but we asked if he wanted to go and make a day of it (go to a bar, go to the game, do something after). he waffled back and forth about if he wanted to go or not for about a week, before i asked him to make a final choice. i found tickets in a good section for a really, really good deal, sent him the link and asked him if he wanted to go. he said he didn't want to go since it was an exhibition game and that he would rather save his money since it wasn't a game that counted. i asked somebody else if they wanted the tickets, they had to work, but then another buddy and i decided to go, only to find out that the tickets had been sold. i didn't think much of it, and i wasn't really upset about it, just figured it wasn't meant to be and decided to watch from home instead. the night before the game our friend group was hanging out and he mentioned that he was taking his ex girlfriend who he is trying to get back together with to the game the next day (he has been going on a series of expensive dates to try and win her back, it's unrelated but it's a mess). i told him "what happened to not wanting to go?" and he just laughed and said "well i changed my mind". the next day he was at the game with her sitting in the exact seats that i had picked out, so he essentially offered it up to his ex, bought the tickets, and cut me out of it when i was the one who tried to initiate going to the event, and was the one who found the tickets. the next day i saw him and told him it was a shitty thing to do, and told him that i hoped he enjoyed spending twice as much to go with someone who doesn't care about football and leave early. i also told him that i would've accepted him just saying he wanted to take her, but lying to me about it is what got me actually upset, and buying the tickets he said i was being an asshole about it, and that i needed to realize that making peace with her was what was most important to him at the time. i am obviously pissed about being treated this way, and am ready to just stop talking to him as its clear he's going to run me over in favor of his ex anytime he gets the chance, but i also acknowledge that she might have asked him to go after we talked about it. one of my friends said it was a dumb thing to be upset about, and that i was being an irrational ah about it. so...aita? [/INST] nta >he said i was being an asshole about it, and that i needed to realize that making peace with her was what was most important to him at the time. he's not your friend. he's a guy you know that doesn't give a shit about anyone or anything that's not directly making his life better. he's not worth your energy. </s>
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AITA for using money earmarked for my younger daughter’s college tuition for her older sister’s legal issues?
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my daughters are 19 and 16.
my oldest daughter (19) was a varsity athlete, straight a student, 35 act. she got into a good private college but is taking a gap year. her college fund is secured because her father (who i never married) is paying for the entirety of it.
i was married to my youngest daughter’s father for ten years before he died and i’ve had to save for her college fund on my own.
when my oldest daughter was 15, she was arrested for riding off with a seller’s bike while claiming to test ride it.
i thought she bought it with babysitting money until about two weeks later when police showed up.
i ended up spending a lot of money on a lawyer that successfully negotiated the situation so it could be handled civilly.
she’s cleaned up since then and had this new lease on life.
but because she’s been working with unreliable coworkers in a barely supervised store, she’s now in the middle of a missing money and inventory situation.
she got fired and then an officer called to question her. she promises me she wasn’t the culprit.
i called up a lawyer. he calls the detective on our behalf and tells us that this is was serious.
i know that a charge like this would ruin her life but the lawyer has a track record of successfully resolving these types of cases. he asked for a $5,000 retainer.
the only place where i have that kind of money is in the fund earmarked for my younger daughter’s college. the money coming from my 19 year old’s father is to be used only for education purposes.
so i ended up getting the $5,000 for the retainer and giving it to the lawyer.
but now just from the amount of time my daughter spends on the phone with her lawyer i can tell that we’re probably going to be out at least $10,000.
when my younger daughter found out that it was coming from her college fund, she started screaming at both of us. she yelled “ stop calling your lawyer so much!” at her sister.
aita? i will try my hardest to replace my daughter’s college fund (there’s around $20,000 in the fund) but i couldn’t just let my oldest daughter drown. it’s well known that people with poor or no legal representation go to jail.
| 1,943 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/im5818/aita_for_using_money_earmarked_for_my_younger/
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2020-09-03 23:57:28
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yta. you and your oldest daughter are assholes. why isn’t your oldest daughter responsible for taking out a loan to pay her lawyer? she’s an adult. why isn’t she responsible for putting the money back in her sisters college fund? she’s an adult. and why bring up her history of sticky fingers at all unless you assume she did the crime?
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yta. stop bailing out your eldest and maybe she'll stop fucking up. do you think the store doesn't have cameras? come on. good odds your kid did the deed and you're gullible as hell and throwing away your younger daughter's future so the elder can fuck up again.
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yta
you are essentially stealing from your youngest daughter. it isn't fair to her that her oldest sister gets into trouble and the money used to bail her out is the money designated for her education. and you used an expensive lawyer too. this sucks.
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yta. this is completely unfair. why do you favor your older daughter so much? why are you willing to sacrifice your younger daughter’s college fund to enable your older daughter to steal?
don’t be surprised when your younger daughter goes no contact as soon as she’s out of the house.
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yta.
your kid can get a public defender like others without funds do and take her lumps.
and really? chances are she did the crime. taking away from your younger child so that the older one doesn't have to own up to her mistakes is an issue here.
your other option is to get a second and third job in order to ensure your younger daughter doesn't continue to have to pay for your older daughter's sticky fingers.
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if your oldest daughter was really as fantastic as the image of her you seem to be clinging to, you wouldn’t have to justify her by starting out this post with all her accomplishments. your oldest has made mistakes, and those mistakes are hers, not your youngest’s.
why can’t your elder daughter’s father help? she’s 50% his.
don’t punish your younger daughter and set her back in life for this. limit the legal calls. tell your oldest she has to figure something out. she’s a grown adult. she can take out loans. if she is innocent, great. if not, you threw away a lot of money for nothing. plus, your youngest will resent you for good reason.
yta
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yta. she is 19. i would make her pay back every cent back and get her father involved.
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info: has your older daughter always been your favorite?
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yta. you're punishing your youngest daughter for your oldest daughter's mistakes.
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yta. you are rewarding your older daughter's bad behavior while punishing your younger daughter who hasn't done anything wrong. older daughter is an adult - she needs to pay any fees associated with her own legal issues, even if she has to take out loans or make payment plans.
if you take your younger daughter's college fund to pay for your older daughter's defense attorney, you are a terrible parent and i hope your younger daughter cuts you out of her life as soon as she can get away from you.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughters are 19 and 16. my oldest daughter (19) was a varsity athlete, straight a student, 35 act. she got into a good private college but is taking a gap year. her college fund is secured because her father (who i never married) is paying for the entirety of it. i was married to my youngest daughter’s father for ten years before he died and i’ve had to save for her college fund on my own. when my oldest daughter was 15, she was arrested for riding off with a seller’s bike while claiming to test ride it. i thought she bought it with babysitting money until about two weeks later when police showed up. i ended up spending a lot of money on a lawyer that successfully negotiated the situation so it could be handled civilly. she’s cleaned up since then and had this new lease on life. but because she’s been working with unreliable coworkers in a barely supervised store, she’s now in the middle of a missing money and inventory situation. she got fired and then an officer called to question her. she promises me she wasn’t the culprit. i called up a lawyer. he calls the detective on our behalf and tells us that this is was serious. i know that a charge like this would ruin her life but the lawyer has a track record of successfully resolving these types of cases. he asked for a $5,000 retainer. the only place where i have that kind of money is in the fund earmarked for my younger daughter’s college. the money coming from my 19 year old’s father is to be used only for education purposes. so i ended up getting the $5,000 for the retainer and giving it to the lawyer. but now just from the amount of time my daughter spends on the phone with her lawyer i can tell that we’re probably going to be out at least $10,000. when my younger daughter found out that it was coming from her college fund, she started screaming at both of us. she yelled “ stop calling your lawyer so much!” at her sister. aita? i will try my hardest to replace my daughter’s college fund (there’s around $20,000 in the fund) but i couldn’t just let my oldest daughter drown. it’s well known that people with poor or no legal representation go to jail.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughters are 19 and 16. my oldest daughter (19) was a varsity athlete, straight a student, 35 act. she got into a good private college but is taking a gap year. her college fund is secured because her father (who i never married) is paying for the entirety of it. i was married to my youngest daughter’s father for ten years before he died and i’ve had to save for her college fund on my own. when my oldest daughter was 15, she was arrested for riding off with a seller’s bike while claiming to test ride it. i thought she bought it with babysitting money until about two weeks later when police showed up. i ended up spending a lot of money on a lawyer that successfully negotiated the situation so it could be handled civilly. she’s cleaned up since then and had this new lease on life. but because she’s been working with unreliable coworkers in a barely supervised store, she’s now in the middle of a missing money and inventory situation. she got fired and then an officer called to question her. she promises me she wasn’t the culprit. i called up a lawyer. he calls the detective on our behalf and tells us that this is was serious. i know that a charge like this would ruin her life but the lawyer has a track record of successfully resolving these types of cases. he asked for a $5,000 retainer. the only place where i have that kind of money is in the fund earmarked for my younger daughter’s college. the money coming from my 19 year old’s father is to be used only for education purposes. so i ended up getting the $5,000 for the retainer and giving it to the lawyer. but now just from the amount of time my daughter spends on the phone with her lawyer i can tell that we’re probably going to be out at least $10,000. when my younger daughter found out that it was coming from her college fund, she started screaming at both of us. she yelled “ stop calling your lawyer so much!” at her sister. aita? i will try my hardest to replace my daughter’s college fund (there’s around $20,000 in the fund) but i couldn’t just let my oldest daughter drown. it’s well known that people with poor or no legal representation go to jail. [/INST] yta. you and your oldest daughter are assholes. why isn’t your oldest daughter responsible for taking out a loan to pay her lawyer? she’s an adult. why isn’t she responsible for putting the money back in her sisters college fund? she’s an adult. and why bring up her history of sticky fingers at all unless you assume she did the crime? </s>
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AITA for refusing to give my roommate money and hiding things while she was moving out?
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throwaway account.
a few days ago my roommate decided she wanted to leave school so she went home and said she’d be back in a few days to get all of her things. nothing wrong for that, i know college isn’t for everyone and not all schools are right for everyone etc.
anyway, earlier today she came back to get her things and i knew that there would be stuff she would try to steal.
for example, i have a blanket my grandma made me that we keep on the couch, and she tells everyone it’s hers. also, the four of us split food costs four ways even though she would eat almost all of it. plus there was a pillow i bought at target that i really like, and she would keep it in her bed and use it all the time.
so when she texted that she was ten minutes away from here, i hid my blanket, my pillow, and all of our food in my closet behind some empty suit cases. (the last round of food she didn’t even pay for because she wasn’t here).
when she got here the first thing she looked for was food. when she noticed there was none i told her that we ate the last of it and didn’t go to buy more yet. this had her enraged and she started screaming that we ate all of “her food” even though she didn’t even pay for the last round of food.
she then demanded that we all venmo her a certain amount of money for the food she missed out on when she left. my other two roommates reluctantly agreed, but i put my foot down and said i wouldn’t pay her for something that wasn’t hers in the first place, especially since we’ve been basically paying for 3/4s of what she already ate here.
her mom was there too so she quickly deescalated the situation after i said that, and so the roommate decided to let it go and pack the rest of her things. two things she realized were missing was my blanket and my pillow. she asked about where they were and i told her i put them in my car because they were mine and i knew she would try to take them.
she didn’t say anything because her mom was right there, but i could tell from her face that she was fuming.
now i’m guessing she just got back home because now she’s texting me nonstop saying i owe her money and that i’m an ah for hiding things that were mine even though she wanted them. my roommates are also saying i could’ve been nicer as to not embarrass her in front of her mom.
so i’m pretty sure i’m not, but aita?
| 3,243 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xay7hg/aita_for_refusing_to_give_my_roommate_money_and/
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2022-09-10 19:45:58
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nta because you hid your own belongings. she has no right to them.
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nta. she's a thief and a bully. never think of her again.
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nta if she didn’t want to be embarrassed by her behavior or intentions, she shouldn’t have embarrassing behavior or intentions.
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nta. it's good that her mother knows what a thief she is.
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i hope you got her key or she'll be back for your blanket and pillow.
nta
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nta, my bet is she got chewed out by her mom and is blaming you, good for you for standing your ground
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how is this even a question?
you hid *your* possessions, because you were worried she was going to try and steal them.
and then she did.
of course you aren't ta, but how could you even thin you are? i don't get it.
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since she's move out now, block her. you don't owe her any money.
nta
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nta. lol those are your things. she cant just take them simply because she likes them...
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do you know for sure she longer has access to your place? she seems like the type who will come back to get your things for herself.
nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway account. a few days ago my roommate decided she wanted to leave school so she went home and said she’d be back in a few days to get all of her things. nothing wrong for that, i know college isn’t for everyone and not all schools are right for everyone etc. anyway, earlier today she came back to get her things and i knew that there would be stuff she would try to steal. for example, i have a blanket my grandma made me that we keep on the couch, and she tells everyone it’s hers. also, the four of us split food costs four ways even though she would eat almost all of it. plus there was a pillow i bought at target that i really like, and she would keep it in her bed and use it all the time. so when she texted that she was ten minutes away from here, i hid my blanket, my pillow, and all of our food in my closet behind some empty suit cases. (the last round of food she didn’t even pay for because she wasn’t here). when she got here the first thing she looked for was food. when she noticed there was none i told her that we ate the last of it and didn’t go to buy more yet. this had her enraged and she started screaming that we ate all of “her food” even though she didn’t even pay for the last round of food. she then demanded that we all venmo her a certain amount of money for the food she missed out on when she left. my other two roommates reluctantly agreed, but i put my foot down and said i wouldn’t pay her for something that wasn’t hers in the first place, especially since we’ve been basically paying for 3/4s of what she already ate here. her mom was there too so she quickly deescalated the situation after i said that, and so the roommate decided to let it go and pack the rest of her things. two things she realized were missing was my blanket and my pillow. she asked about where they were and i told her i put them in my car because they were mine and i knew she would try to take them. she didn’t say anything because her mom was right there, but i could tell from her face that she was fuming. now i’m guessing she just got back home because now she’s texting me nonstop saying i owe her money and that i’m an ah for hiding things that were mine even though she wanted them. my roommates are also saying i could’ve been nicer as to not embarrass her in front of her mom. so i’m pretty sure i’m not, but aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account. a few days ago my roommate decided she wanted to leave school so she went home and said she’d be back in a few days to get all of her things. nothing wrong for that, i know college isn’t for everyone and not all schools are right for everyone etc. anyway, earlier today she came back to get her things and i knew that there would be stuff she would try to steal. for example, i have a blanket my grandma made me that we keep on the couch, and she tells everyone it’s hers. also, the four of us split food costs four ways even though she would eat almost all of it. plus there was a pillow i bought at target that i really like, and she would keep it in her bed and use it all the time. so when she texted that she was ten minutes away from here, i hid my blanket, my pillow, and all of our food in my closet behind some empty suit cases. (the last round of food she didn’t even pay for because she wasn’t here). when she got here the first thing she looked for was food. when she noticed there was none i told her that we ate the last of it and didn’t go to buy more yet. this had her enraged and she started screaming that we ate all of “her food” even though she didn’t even pay for the last round of food. she then demanded that we all venmo her a certain amount of money for the food she missed out on when she left. my other two roommates reluctantly agreed, but i put my foot down and said i wouldn’t pay her for something that wasn’t hers in the first place, especially since we’ve been basically paying for 3/4s of what she already ate here. her mom was there too so she quickly deescalated the situation after i said that, and so the roommate decided to let it go and pack the rest of her things. two things she realized were missing was my blanket and my pillow. she asked about where they were and i told her i put them in my car because they were mine and i knew she would try to take them. she didn’t say anything because her mom was right there, but i could tell from her face that she was fuming. now i’m guessing she just got back home because now she’s texting me nonstop saying i owe her money and that i’m an ah for hiding things that were mine even though she wanted them. my roommates are also saying i could’ve been nicer as to not embarrass her in front of her mom. so i’m pretty sure i’m not, but aita? [/INST] nta because you hid your own belongings. she has no right to them. </s>
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AITA for saying my wife needed to stay up with me after she told me I wasn’t allowed to have a nap?
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i’m a shd and my wife works. i have a pension front he military so i also bring income. this is mostly irrelevant except to state we have a traditionally reversed gender roll household. i cook i clean i’m up every day at 0630 starting the house up, making breakfast lunches, taking big kids to school, you have it. that said i don’t get naps i treat my position like any job and i work hard to make sure i do a good job.
today we woke up early and went on a hike. after, we had brunch with some friends. about half way home from brunch i told my wife i’d like to take a nap when our baby does. we stayed up late and i was really exhausted. she said that was fine because her girlfriend also wanted to take a walk so she would head out and do that and she would like a nap when and a shower when she got home.
we get home and the baby goes down for a nap. i find the corner of the couch and shut my eyes. i hear my wife saying “don’t fall asleep yet. friend will bet here soon.” 30 minutes later the friend showed up, and she sits and talks for 15 minutes.
finally i say, “look i need to shut my eyes or i’m not going to get the nap i need.” so they leave and not 3 minutes after they leave the baby wakes up. i’m up so i go get him, change him, feed him and play with/monitor him for the next couple hours waiting for mom to get home from the hike.
when she does i tell her what happened and ask if i can still take a short nap. since i had to be awake while the baby was sleeping. she starts getting upset saying she’s tired too. she states that she still wants a shower and a nap. i got pissed because i wanted to sleep while the baby was napping. i reminded her of this and said, “go get your shower, but you need to come back down and help me i’m really struggling and if i’m not allowed nap because you were waiting to leave then you can be tired with me because i need help with our baby.
now she’s saying i’m the asshole because i’m not putting her needs before my own. i’m saying she’s the asshole for asking me to stay awake when i could have rested so this whole situation could be avoided. and more so for not being willing to help out in the aftermath. honestly she’s a lot better at arguing than i am and i’m too tired to fight about it. am i the asshole here?
| 611 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eiq7nq/aita_for_saying_my_wife_needed_to_stay_up_with_me/
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2020-01-02 00:16:23
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nta - why the f*ck did you need to stay awake to wait for her friend?!
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nta you're gender roles don't mean shit. by the sounds of it you work damned hard for that household, and dude be proud of that.
you've obviously worked hard in the past, and now can afford to stay at home whilst your wife works, what with you receiving your military pension.
there is one thing you're doing wrong though mate. don't ever ask her permission to go for a nap again. you're a grown man, not a child. if you need to close your eyes for 30 minutes or so, so that you can recharge, then do it. if she doesn't like it that's her problem.
i get some people may think you were being spiteful for telling her she can't nap, and you probably were, but fuck it. if you need her permission to nap, then she needs your permission as well
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info: why didn't she want you to take your nap until her friend came? i'm confused about that part.
either way, definitely leaning towards nta. she made sure you didn't get a nap as planned, she doesn't then get to demand you keep doing childcare while she takes one after already being out socializing for hours while you cared for the baby.
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nta
if she had let you nap earlier then she could have napped afterwards. this is basic napping math.
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your ta for not putting her needs before your own?
what about her? by her own logic she’s ta by not putting your needs before her own.
nta
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nta - there's some high level dependency there on your wife's side. why are her needs always more important than yours? also a nap when you have a baby is a necessity to stay healthy not some kind of off the clock hobby.
i get that your wife has issues with anxiety. that sucks and is hard but again, her needs are always above yours. what is she doing to work through her own issues, what are her coping mechanism?
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nta. you put her needs first by sacrificing your nap time to keep her company waiting for her friend. the least she can do is sacrifice her own nap time to help take care of your shared child.
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stay at home mom here. nta. however, stop asking for her permission. just go nap.
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nta - it seems strange though had to wait up for her friend to get there.
i’ve heard so many people say, “sleep when the baby sleeps.”
now obviously that’s not always possible but in this case it was.
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nta.. you were clear you needed a nap and she was the reason you didn’t get one. it was also selfish of her to demand you put her needs before her own, when she’s not doing the same for you.
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m a shd and my wife works. i have a pension front he military so i also bring income. this is mostly irrelevant except to state we have a traditionally reversed gender roll household. i cook i clean i’m up every day at 0630 starting the house up, making breakfast lunches, taking big kids to school, you have it. that said i don’t get naps i treat my position like any job and i work hard to make sure i do a good job. today we woke up early and went on a hike. after, we had brunch with some friends. about half way home from brunch i told my wife i’d like to take a nap when our baby does. we stayed up late and i was really exhausted. she said that was fine because her girlfriend also wanted to take a walk so she would head out and do that and she would like a nap when and a shower when she got home. we get home and the baby goes down for a nap. i find the corner of the couch and shut my eyes. i hear my wife saying “don’t fall asleep yet. friend will bet here soon.” 30 minutes later the friend showed up, and she sits and talks for 15 minutes. finally i say, “look i need to shut my eyes or i’m not going to get the nap i need.” so they leave and not 3 minutes after they leave the baby wakes up. i’m up so i go get him, change him, feed him and play with/monitor him for the next couple hours waiting for mom to get home from the hike. when she does i tell her what happened and ask if i can still take a short nap. since i had to be awake while the baby was sleeping. she starts getting upset saying she’s tired too. she states that she still wants a shower and a nap. i got pissed because i wanted to sleep while the baby was napping. i reminded her of this and said, “go get your shower, but you need to come back down and help me i’m really struggling and if i’m not allowed nap because you were waiting to leave then you can be tired with me because i need help with our baby. now she’s saying i’m the asshole because i’m not putting her needs before my own. i’m saying she’s the asshole for asking me to stay awake when i could have rested so this whole situation could be avoided. and more so for not being willing to help out in the aftermath. honestly she’s a lot better at arguing than i am and i’m too tired to fight about it. am i the asshole here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m a shd and my wife works. i have a pension front he military so i also bring income. this is mostly irrelevant except to state we have a traditionally reversed gender roll household. i cook i clean i’m up every day at 0630 starting the house up, making breakfast lunches, taking big kids to school, you have it. that said i don’t get naps i treat my position like any job and i work hard to make sure i do a good job. today we woke up early and went on a hike. after, we had brunch with some friends. about half way home from brunch i told my wife i’d like to take a nap when our baby does. we stayed up late and i was really exhausted. she said that was fine because her girlfriend also wanted to take a walk so she would head out and do that and she would like a nap when and a shower when she got home. we get home and the baby goes down for a nap. i find the corner of the couch and shut my eyes. i hear my wife saying “don’t fall asleep yet. friend will bet here soon.” 30 minutes later the friend showed up, and she sits and talks for 15 minutes. finally i say, “look i need to shut my eyes or i’m not going to get the nap i need.” so they leave and not 3 minutes after they leave the baby wakes up. i’m up so i go get him, change him, feed him and play with/monitor him for the next couple hours waiting for mom to get home from the hike. when she does i tell her what happened and ask if i can still take a short nap. since i had to be awake while the baby was sleeping. she starts getting upset saying she’s tired too. she states that she still wants a shower and a nap. i got pissed because i wanted to sleep while the baby was napping. i reminded her of this and said, “go get your shower, but you need to come back down and help me i’m really struggling and if i’m not allowed nap because you were waiting to leave then you can be tired with me because i need help with our baby. now she’s saying i’m the asshole because i’m not putting her needs before my own. i’m saying she’s the asshole for asking me to stay awake when i could have rested so this whole situation could be avoided. and more so for not being willing to help out in the aftermath. honestly she’s a lot better at arguing than i am and i’m too tired to fight about it. am i the asshole here? [/INST] nta - why the f*ck did you need to stay awake to wait for her friend?! </s>
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AITA for freaking out on customer?
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i was working in a gas station, and had recently got my ticket to handle propane bottle/vehicle fills.
it was a busy day and the smell of propane was in the air, as i had to purge a partially filled tank to get rid of ice inside.
then i see a customer walking toward me, lit cigarette in one hand and propane bottle in the other. i immediately yell at him to back the f up and put out his smoke. he continues walking and i yell “stop right now and back up and put out that smoke.”
he asks me why. i yell again “because i don’t want to explode and die!”
a customer waiting in line chimed in saying, “me either! go put that out!”
he grumbles and goes back to his car and puts it out and gets in line. while waiting he tells me “you didn’t have to be an a**hole about it” and i’m just like “what you were doing is very dangerous.”
he tells me there should be a sign then and i pointed out the two on either side of the station and the huge one on the main tank. he grumbles that i’m a jerk but doesn’t argue anymore.
aita for freaking out like that?
| 1,215 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o35y7w/aita_for_freaking_out_on_customer/
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2021-06-19 02:16:16
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nta - you have to keep yourself safe. they could have caused serious harm if they continued the way they were.
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nta. they must have not seen that king of the hill episode. it was dangerous. using profanity is literally the least of my concerns when it comes to human life. plus, it was your gut reaction. nothing wrong there.
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nta because that would be a dumb way to die.
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nta. though i'm not one for cursing, **he could have literally killed everyone there.** in that situation, you don't have time to politely ask him to put his butt out. one little spark off that cig could've killed both of you.
even if there was no sign, it is common knowledge that **you don't smoke in a gas station.**
people really need to realize that just because someone is yelling at you doesn't mean they're a big fat meanie who hates you. yelling is nessicary in some situations.
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nta. maybe this guy is so incredibly ignorant that he doesn't realize that a lit cigarette near propane is incredibly dangerous, but i have a hard time believing that. likely he just resented being yelled at, as most people do. too bad for him. he's the ah.
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nta customer was dumb and you loudly alerted him of the danger and alerted everyone else around to the hazard.
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nope!!! nta. completely appropriate when someone is that stupid.
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nta you think those big red flammable gas signs and the circles with a slash thru the cigatette might have clued him in but apparently not. you had a natural reaction to a dangerous situation. you shouted to get his attention and because you didn't want to blow up yourself and the gas station. he was mumbling under his breath because everyone in line who witnessed what happened thought he was an ass.
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nta
that was potentially an extremely dangerous situation and it's little wonder you were a bit freaked out.
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nta. how thick do you need to be to not get how dangerous that is?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was working in a gas station, and had recently got my ticket to handle propane bottle/vehicle fills. it was a busy day and the smell of propane was in the air, as i had to purge a partially filled tank to get rid of ice inside. then i see a customer walking toward me, lit cigarette in one hand and propane bottle in the other. i immediately yell at him to back the f up and put out his smoke. he continues walking and i yell “stop right now and back up and put out that smoke.” he asks me why. i yell again “because i don’t want to explode and die!” a customer waiting in line chimed in saying, “me either! go put that out!” he grumbles and goes back to his car and puts it out and gets in line. while waiting he tells me “you didn’t have to be an a**hole about it” and i’m just like “what you were doing is very dangerous.” he tells me there should be a sign then and i pointed out the two on either side of the station and the huge one on the main tank. he grumbles that i’m a jerk but doesn’t argue anymore. aita for freaking out like that?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i was working in a gas station, and had recently got my ticket to handle propane bottle/vehicle fills. it was a busy day and the smell of propane was in the air, as i had to purge a partially filled tank to get rid of ice inside. then i see a customer walking toward me, lit cigarette in one hand and propane bottle in the other. i immediately yell at him to back the f up and put out his smoke. he continues walking and i yell “stop right now and back up and put out that smoke.” he asks me why. i yell again “because i don’t want to explode and die!” a customer waiting in line chimed in saying, “me either! go put that out!” he grumbles and goes back to his car and puts it out and gets in line. while waiting he tells me “you didn’t have to be an a**hole about it” and i’m just like “what you were doing is very dangerous.” he tells me there should be a sign then and i pointed out the two on either side of the station and the huge one on the main tank. he grumbles that i’m a jerk but doesn’t argue anymore. aita for freaking out like that? [/INST] nta - you have to keep yourself safe. they could have caused serious harm if they continued the way they were. </s>
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AITA for not moving from my seat on the train because of my cat?
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i(27m) was taking the train down to the city to visit family and friends. i booked a seat for myself and paid the extra fee to bring my cat on the train. for those that don't know, the train company does allow pets as long as they are in a carrier and you pay an extra fee.
i get into my seat and put the carrier next to me. a husband and wife sit in the seats across from me. my cat meows a little during the ride and i hear the husband groan in annoyance. i put my headphones in when i felt tapping on my shoulder. i take my headphones out and the husband asks if i can move seats.
i tell him no because i had purchased the seats in advanced. i also explained that my cat wasn't disturbing anyone. the wife tells me that she was allergic to my cat and needed it away from her. i had enough and told them to find other seats. they got off at their exit and i got a few looks from other people.
aita for not moving from my seat on the train because of my cat?
| 1,175 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tje485/aita_for_not_moving_from_my_seat_on_the_train/
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2022-03-21 15:15:52
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nta
you literally paid for specific seats and took every right measure to request accommodations. i would've said, "yeah absolutely! as long as you give me $xxx that i paid for my seats and my accommodations." :)
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nta you paid for specific seats. it's on other people to manage their own allergies. and you got there first, they needed to be the one to move if it bothered them that much.
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nta.
general rule: if someone is using a space in a way that bothers you but isn't breaking any rules... you move.
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if she was allergic they would have moved as soon as they notice a cat there. not wait around and then get closer to you to touch you and tell you to move.
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nta. she should have spoken to someone the moment she saw the carrier to see if she could move seats. if you seriously have an allergy that can be triggered by just being around an animal, you don't risk a reaction by sitting in close proximity to one.
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nta but there must be a lot of entitled "allergy" sufferers because there was just a similar post about a dog in a restaurant.
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nta. you paid for your seat.
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nta you took every proper step to be a responsible traveler.
if they needed special accommodation they should have done the same.
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nta. you payed for your seat if i was sitting next to someone with a cat on a train i would move. what they did was entitled behaviour.
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amazing how quickly people develop allergies in response to not getting their own way. why sit near you if you had a pet in a carrier? bs.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(27m) was taking the train down to the city to visit family and friends. i booked a seat for myself and paid the extra fee to bring my cat on the train. for those that don't know, the train company does allow pets as long as they are in a carrier and you pay an extra fee. i get into my seat and put the carrier next to me. a husband and wife sit in the seats across from me. my cat meows a little during the ride and i hear the husband groan in annoyance. i put my headphones in when i felt tapping on my shoulder. i take my headphones out and the husband asks if i can move seats. i tell him no because i had purchased the seats in advanced. i also explained that my cat wasn't disturbing anyone. the wife tells me that she was allergic to my cat and needed it away from her. i had enough and told them to find other seats. they got off at their exit and i got a few looks from other people. aita for not moving from my seat on the train because of my cat?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i(27m) was taking the train down to the city to visit family and friends. i booked a seat for myself and paid the extra fee to bring my cat on the train. for those that don't know, the train company does allow pets as long as they are in a carrier and you pay an extra fee. i get into my seat and put the carrier next to me. a husband and wife sit in the seats across from me. my cat meows a little during the ride and i hear the husband groan in annoyance. i put my headphones in when i felt tapping on my shoulder. i take my headphones out and the husband asks if i can move seats. i tell him no because i had purchased the seats in advanced. i also explained that my cat wasn't disturbing anyone. the wife tells me that she was allergic to my cat and needed it away from her. i had enough and told them to find other seats. they got off at their exit and i got a few looks from other people. aita for not moving from my seat on the train because of my cat? [/INST] nta you literally paid for specific seats and took every right measure to request accommodations. i would've said, "yeah absolutely! as long as you give me $xxx that i paid for my seats and my accommodations." :) </s>
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AITA For telling a teenage ex-babysitee they’re the reason I quit babysitting
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so i 23(f) used to babysit during my teen years. i was pretty good at it too according to parents at least.
it was a pretty good side gig and worth it until i babysit “angel”. cause that’s what their mom said they were, a perfect angel.
wrong.
angel was an absolute heathen, the first time i baby sat angel they kept turning off the burners on the stove when i was making them dinner. no big deal, but i kept telling them not to touch the stove cause they could get burned.
they’d do things like grab the cereal and pour it out all over the floor to “share with the dog.” they were 9 at the time.
this escalated to angel locking me outside, throwing heavy blankets over my head when i was walking down the stairs, using me as target practice, and unplugging/turning off lights, tv’s, the air purifier they were supposed to sleep with.
little things that slowly drove me to my wits end and when i quit i quit babysitting completely.
flash forward to now i’m visiting my parents for the holidays back in my hometown when i run into angel and their mom. angel is all grown up now, about the age i was when i was babysitting them. totally in their element and just seemed like a great, well rounded kid now.
they even told me they were gonna start babysitting now too and it was because of me. i laughed and said “that’s funny cause you’re actually the reason i stopped.” it was a totally off handed comment.
their face kinda fell and they got quiet, so i quickly covered it up and said i was just joking. we said our byes and i thought that was it.
well this morning i get a call from my mom apparently angel’s mom had called her and told her what i said. and how angel felt awful and doesn’t want to babysit anymore. and how it was my fault. apparently angel had found out that they were the last kid i babysit, so assumed what i said was true.
i didn’t really mean what i said to hurt their feeling but now i’m feeling like an asshole or if they’re being a bit sensitive and i don’t know how to proceed. my mom wants me to call them, but i feel like that might be a little awkward.
aita?
| 1,066 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s48iqp/aita_for_telling_a_teenage_exbabysitee_theyre_the/
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2022-01-15 01:39:37
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nta angel deserves to know the truth before they start down that path. that their behavior was awful to be on the receiving end of and drove you to quit babysitting. i'm sure angel thought it was all good fun or something but it wasn't fun for you. you made them reconsider their behavior and they realized that even if they weren't "that bad" it was worse than they really want to deal with. self reflection is a good thing. hopefully angel grows from this.
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nta.
if angel is so lacking in self-awareness that she doesn't know how awful she was then that's on her and her mom.
she's what 15, 16 now? she can remember being 9. i was a bratty kid for a few years, i know it, i knew it a few years later when i grew out of it. sounds like angel grew out of it, don't see why this dose of reality is keeping her from babysitting now. but it's not on you.
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i was 50/50 a/na until you said she was **9 years old** when she was pulling those stunts. that's way too old for that asshole behavior and and not knowing better. re the sob story you're dealing with, i think you are still being played by the little devil.
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nta
can't believe they called your mom. 😂
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nta. snort. milk out my nose funny. baby sitters everywhere are relating to this. brava
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also i don’t know where to add this but angel goes by they/them pronouns now. all this is making me reminisce of when they were younger so i might mess up on that and edit my comments to fix it.
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nta. you didn’t lie, and you didn’t go in for the kill and expound on what a royal shit she was. she knows what she did and it’s a weak move to have her mom call your mom about it.
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nta you don’t owe angel anything.
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frankly, i think you should call angel and explain everything you just said about what she did. do not apologize.
nta
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nta, but i'm always on the side of bluntness
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i 23(f) used to babysit during my teen years. i was pretty good at it too according to parents at least. it was a pretty good side gig and worth it until i babysit “angel”. cause that’s what their mom said they were, a perfect angel. wrong. angel was an absolute heathen, the first time i baby sat angel they kept turning off the burners on the stove when i was making them dinner. no big deal, but i kept telling them not to touch the stove cause they could get burned. they’d do things like grab the cereal and pour it out all over the floor to “share with the dog.” they were 9 at the time. this escalated to angel locking me outside, throwing heavy blankets over my head when i was walking down the stairs, using me as target practice, and unplugging/turning off lights, tv’s, the air purifier they were supposed to sleep with. little things that slowly drove me to my wits end and when i quit i quit babysitting completely. flash forward to now i’m visiting my parents for the holidays back in my hometown when i run into angel and their mom. angel is all grown up now, about the age i was when i was babysitting them. totally in their element and just seemed like a great, well rounded kid now. they even told me they were gonna start babysitting now too and it was because of me. i laughed and said “that’s funny cause you’re actually the reason i stopped.” it was a totally off handed comment. their face kinda fell and they got quiet, so i quickly covered it up and said i was just joking. we said our byes and i thought that was it. well this morning i get a call from my mom apparently angel’s mom had called her and told her what i said. and how angel felt awful and doesn’t want to babysit anymore. and how it was my fault. apparently angel had found out that they were the last kid i babysit, so assumed what i said was true. i didn’t really mean what i said to hurt their feeling but now i’m feeling like an asshole or if they’re being a bit sensitive and i don’t know how to proceed. my mom wants me to call them, but i feel like that might be a little awkward. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i 23(f) used to babysit during my teen years. i was pretty good at it too according to parents at least. it was a pretty good side gig and worth it until i babysit “angel”. cause that’s what their mom said they were, a perfect angel. wrong. angel was an absolute heathen, the first time i baby sat angel they kept turning off the burners on the stove when i was making them dinner. no big deal, but i kept telling them not to touch the stove cause they could get burned. they’d do things like grab the cereal and pour it out all over the floor to “share with the dog.” they were 9 at the time. this escalated to angel locking me outside, throwing heavy blankets over my head when i was walking down the stairs, using me as target practice, and unplugging/turning off lights, tv’s, the air purifier they were supposed to sleep with. little things that slowly drove me to my wits end and when i quit i quit babysitting completely. flash forward to now i’m visiting my parents for the holidays back in my hometown when i run into angel and their mom. angel is all grown up now, about the age i was when i was babysitting them. totally in their element and just seemed like a great, well rounded kid now. they even told me they were gonna start babysitting now too and it was because of me. i laughed and said “that’s funny cause you’re actually the reason i stopped.” it was a totally off handed comment. their face kinda fell and they got quiet, so i quickly covered it up and said i was just joking. we said our byes and i thought that was it. well this morning i get a call from my mom apparently angel’s mom had called her and told her what i said. and how angel felt awful and doesn’t want to babysit anymore. and how it was my fault. apparently angel had found out that they were the last kid i babysit, so assumed what i said was true. i didn’t really mean what i said to hurt their feeling but now i’m feeling like an asshole or if they’re being a bit sensitive and i don’t know how to proceed. my mom wants me to call them, but i feel like that might be a little awkward. aita? [/INST] nta angel deserves to know the truth before they start down that path. that their behavior was awful to be on the receiving end of and drove you to quit babysitting. i'm sure angel thought it was all good fun or something but it wasn't fun for you. you made them reconsider their behavior and they realized that even if they weren't "that bad" it was worse than they really want to deal with. self reflection is a good thing. hopefully angel grows from this. </s>
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AITA for making a garden bed in my own backyard?
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i (27m) have this 75(f) something year old neighbor, we’ll call her janice. who i share my back fence with. she’s retired and spends every waking moment in her backyard tending to her garden and reading. i moved into my house a year ago and things started out pretty well between us. we both have dogs who love to play between the fence and we would talk occasionally, she’d give me gardening advice talk about how millennials are ruining the world etc. i was like cool, maybe she’ll be like a bonus grandma lol.
but things soured when i put a garden bed in my backyard. for some reason, deciding to put in some pine trees, hydrangeas and azaleas really bothered her. mind you this is in a section of my yard we don’t share a fence and i asked my other neighbor if they would be okay with it and they loved it. after two days work, her sitting in her backyard watching me the entire time, she waits until the exact moment i finish to walk over and yell at me. she comes over as i’m admiring my work and is pissed at me, she starts yelling “that i didn’t consult her, i’ve lived here for 50 years and we do things differently around here. we ask our neighbors before doing things” i was honestly too stunned to speak and was like “i’m willing to hear what your complaint is and work out something if there’s an issue or a city ordinance i broke” (there wasn’t i checked before hand).
she just mumbles and huffs away, which i thought was the end of it. so i pack up and clean up my tools for the day and as i’m walking back to grab something she’s brought over another neighbor and a binder of city ordinances. meanwhile backup neighbor takes a look at my work and is like “looks good kid” now she’s extra pissed and flipping through her binder. she fails to find anything and just says next time talk to me before doing anything. i was kinda of left stunned and a little upset and confused by the whole thing honestly.
aita for not consulting her before making a garden bed in my own yard?
| 547 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uc1o55/aita_for_making_a_garden_bed_in_my_own_backyard/
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2022-04-26 02:03:08
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nta. i'm not sure why you even asked the other neighbor, unless you share yard space or something. it doesn't seem like any of janice's business, and she caused a stink over nothing.
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nta
as long as you didn't do anything illegal or hurt anyone, she has no business getting into your business. it's your yard. i don't understand how your yard isn't fenced in that area and why she feels she has a say in it but maybe it's time to put some kind of low fence or barrier there now.
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nta. she sounds like a controlling neighbor who thinks that everyone needs her permission to live their lives. ignore her and enjoy your yard. heck, add some plants to prevent her from looking into your yard too.
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nta - change is hard. as a 50 plus person i can sympathize with your cranky neighbor in a weird sort of way, however she is wrong. do what you would like in your own backyard sounds like you picked some beautiful trees and plants. (hydrangeas are my favorite). give her some space and enjoy your new garden area. my bet is she will come around.
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nta, but unless your backyard is pretty big that pine tree could cause shade and pine leaves/cones being deposited on her garden. is it possible that is her concern?
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nta. there’s one in every neighborhood.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (27m) have this 75(f) something year old neighbor, we’ll call her janice. who i share my back fence with. she’s retired and spends every waking moment in her backyard tending to her garden and reading. i moved into my house a year ago and things started out pretty well between us. we both have dogs who love to play between the fence and we would talk occasionally, she’d give me gardening advice talk about how millennials are ruining the world etc. i was like cool, maybe she’ll be like a bonus grandma lol. but things soured when i put a garden bed in my backyard. for some reason, deciding to put in some pine trees, hydrangeas and azaleas really bothered her. mind you this is in a section of my yard we don’t share a fence and i asked my other neighbor if they would be okay with it and they loved it. after two days work, her sitting in her backyard watching me the entire time, she waits until the exact moment i finish to walk over and yell at me. she comes over as i’m admiring my work and is pissed at me, she starts yelling “that i didn’t consult her, i’ve lived here for 50 years and we do things differently around here. we ask our neighbors before doing things” i was honestly too stunned to speak and was like “i’m willing to hear what your complaint is and work out something if there’s an issue or a city ordinance i broke” (there wasn’t i checked before hand). she just mumbles and huffs away, which i thought was the end of it. so i pack up and clean up my tools for the day and as i’m walking back to grab something she’s brought over another neighbor and a binder of city ordinances. meanwhile backup neighbor takes a look at my work and is like “looks good kid” now she’s extra pissed and flipping through her binder. she fails to find anything and just says next time talk to me before doing anything. i was kinda of left stunned and a little upset and confused by the whole thing honestly. aita for not consulting her before making a garden bed in my own yard?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (27m) have this 75(f) something year old neighbor, we’ll call her janice. who i share my back fence with. she’s retired and spends every waking moment in her backyard tending to her garden and reading. i moved into my house a year ago and things started out pretty well between us. we both have dogs who love to play between the fence and we would talk occasionally, she’d give me gardening advice talk about how millennials are ruining the world etc. i was like cool, maybe she’ll be like a bonus grandma lol. but things soured when i put a garden bed in my backyard. for some reason, deciding to put in some pine trees, hydrangeas and azaleas really bothered her. mind you this is in a section of my yard we don’t share a fence and i asked my other neighbor if they would be okay with it and they loved it. after two days work, her sitting in her backyard watching me the entire time, she waits until the exact moment i finish to walk over and yell at me. she comes over as i’m admiring my work and is pissed at me, she starts yelling “that i didn’t consult her, i’ve lived here for 50 years and we do things differently around here. we ask our neighbors before doing things” i was honestly too stunned to speak and was like “i’m willing to hear what your complaint is and work out something if there’s an issue or a city ordinance i broke” (there wasn’t i checked before hand). she just mumbles and huffs away, which i thought was the end of it. so i pack up and clean up my tools for the day and as i’m walking back to grab something she’s brought over another neighbor and a binder of city ordinances. meanwhile backup neighbor takes a look at my work and is like “looks good kid” now she’s extra pissed and flipping through her binder. she fails to find anything and just says next time talk to me before doing anything. i was kinda of left stunned and a little upset and confused by the whole thing honestly. aita for not consulting her before making a garden bed in my own yard? [/INST] nta. i'm not sure why you even asked the other neighbor, unless you share yard space or something. it doesn't seem like any of janice's business, and she caused a stink over nothing. </s>
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Aita for asking my sister to stop wearing revealing clothes around my fiance
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my sister (31) recently went through a divorce so i (22) allowed her to stay at my apartment until she gets back on her feet.
my sister let's call her mia usually wear modest clothing but every time my fiance comes around she changes up her clothes into way more revealing ones, i mean she doesn't even try to be subtle and will change if my fiance comes around unexpectedly even if it's in the middle of the day from clothe that are more modest into clothes that are revealing.
my fiance started noticing it as well and it makes him uncomfortable, he told me on many different occasions that mia will do stuff like dorp something on purpose and pick it up back side facing my fiance or eat a banana very seductively while looking my fiance in the eyes.
i thought he was joking at first but i witnessed it with my very own eyes, i mean i understand she's going through hard time after her divorce or what not but this is honestly ridiculous.
so i sat mia down and explained to her that her actions are making me and my fiance uncomfortable and i'd appreciate if she'd stop and i listed all the weird things she been doing.
she was extremely offended by it and claimed that i am sexest and that she should be able to wear what she pleases when she pleases. went on facebook and made a post about our discussion claiming that i'm overly jealous sexest and insecure and can't handle being around a big girl.
my mom thinks that i should allow her to continue dressing like that in front of my fiance because she think mia is under alot of stress.
i feel like she's being inappropriate and i feel as if she's being disrespectful, i been trying my best to help her through her separation with her husband, i allowed into my house and i allow her to have my niece and nephew over the weekends and even watch my niece and nephew when needed. i don't understand what i have done for her to act in such disrespect towards me.
aita for asking my sister to cover up more infont of my husband
| 4,542 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdrif9/aita_for_asking_my_sister_to_stop_wearing/
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2021-10-22 22:08:16
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nta. she is being incredibly disrespectful of you and your husband, and it's frankly creepy and embarrassing for her. your house, your rules. you've told her her behavior makes you both uncomfortable and is inappropriate. she needs to stop or leave. period. doesn't matter how much "stress" she is under. your mother can host her if she feels differently.
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nta but you're going at this from the wrong angle.
you need to stop acting as though this is a level playing field where your sister's ridiculousness might actually tempt your fiance, and make it clear to her that the problem here isn't her immodesty, it's that she's embarrassing herself, and you feel sorry for her.
it's a cruel thing to have to do, and not one i would usually suggest because it requires that you be mean. but at this point you have tried compassion and gentleness and she came back at you with utter disrespect and rudeness. she no longer deserves the kindness you have shown her. so be honest.
explain to her that she's right, that she can dress however she likes. but that your fiance isn't interested in her, and that each and every time she makes one of these blatant attempts at being seductive around him, the discomfort you both feel isn't jealousy (from you) or attraction (from him) but pity (from both of you) because he isn't remotely attracted to her, and her desperation is incredibly unflattering and pitiful. you love her, she's your sister, and you just really want to see her have more self-respect than to act like a thirst-trap around her own utterly disinterested brother-in-law, because she's so much better than that, and it's so heartbreaking to see. maybe that will finally get through to her.
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nta. kick her out. kick her out now. i don’t give a damn about the dumpster fire that’ll start online.
no one should be sexually harassed in their own home. that’s the *real* sexist part about this. if it was a woman being sexually harassed by her fiancé’s brother this would be seen as totally different.
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nta
it must feel quite cringy to observe her behaviour.
also, is your fiancé the last man on this planet or what? can't she find any other new man to seduce?
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nta she's hitting on your fiancé. i wouldn't allow someone who behaved like that to stay with me.
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nta. the issue isn't her wearing whatever she wants. the issue is that she is hitting on your fiance and no amount of stress makes that justifiable. you are doing her a favor and she repays it by going after your fiance? ugh.
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nta, but the clothes are not the real issue here, her blatantly flirting with your fiancé is. asking her to cover up isn't going to tackle the root of the problem
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nta it's not sexist, because it doesn't seem to be about her dressing simply the way she likes, but it's about her deliberately changing when your fiance comes around.
besides, it's really pretty harsh to try and get this kind of attention from her sister's fiance, someone who took her in when she needed a place. don't worry, you're good.
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nta, and since your mom thinks this is ok behavior then mia should probably move in with her.
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nta. best solution is to point it out each time: "look doug, you can see mia's gash through her clothes. looks like a bullet wound, right? can also make out her hairy pancake nipples. you think she'll deep throat a carrot for you?"
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister (31) recently went through a divorce so i (22) allowed her to stay at my apartment until she gets back on her feet. my sister let's call her mia usually wear modest clothing but every time my fiance comes around she changes up her clothes into way more revealing ones, i mean she doesn't even try to be subtle and will change if my fiance comes around unexpectedly even if it's in the middle of the day from clothe that are more modest into clothes that are revealing. my fiance started noticing it as well and it makes him uncomfortable, he told me on many different occasions that mia will do stuff like dorp something on purpose and pick it up back side facing my fiance or eat a banana very seductively while looking my fiance in the eyes. i thought he was joking at first but i witnessed it with my very own eyes, i mean i understand she's going through hard time after her divorce or what not but this is honestly ridiculous. so i sat mia down and explained to her that her actions are making me and my fiance uncomfortable and i'd appreciate if she'd stop and i listed all the weird things she been doing. she was extremely offended by it and claimed that i am sexest and that she should be able to wear what she pleases when she pleases. went on facebook and made a post about our discussion claiming that i'm overly jealous sexest and insecure and can't handle being around a big girl. my mom thinks that i should allow her to continue dressing like that in front of my fiance because she think mia is under alot of stress. i feel like she's being inappropriate and i feel as if she's being disrespectful, i been trying my best to help her through her separation with her husband, i allowed into my house and i allow her to have my niece and nephew over the weekends and even watch my niece and nephew when needed. i don't understand what i have done for her to act in such disrespect towards me. aita for asking my sister to cover up more infont of my husband
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister (31) recently went through a divorce so i (22) allowed her to stay at my apartment until she gets back on her feet. my sister let's call her mia usually wear modest clothing but every time my fiance comes around she changes up her clothes into way more revealing ones, i mean she doesn't even try to be subtle and will change if my fiance comes around unexpectedly even if it's in the middle of the day from clothe that are more modest into clothes that are revealing. my fiance started noticing it as well and it makes him uncomfortable, he told me on many different occasions that mia will do stuff like dorp something on purpose and pick it up back side facing my fiance or eat a banana very seductively while looking my fiance in the eyes. i thought he was joking at first but i witnessed it with my very own eyes, i mean i understand she's going through hard time after her divorce or what not but this is honestly ridiculous. so i sat mia down and explained to her that her actions are making me and my fiance uncomfortable and i'd appreciate if she'd stop and i listed all the weird things she been doing. she was extremely offended by it and claimed that i am sexest and that she should be able to wear what she pleases when she pleases. went on facebook and made a post about our discussion claiming that i'm overly jealous sexest and insecure and can't handle being around a big girl. my mom thinks that i should allow her to continue dressing like that in front of my fiance because she think mia is under alot of stress. i feel like she's being inappropriate and i feel as if she's being disrespectful, i been trying my best to help her through her separation with her husband, i allowed into my house and i allow her to have my niece and nephew over the weekends and even watch my niece and nephew when needed. i don't understand what i have done for her to act in such disrespect towards me. aita for asking my sister to cover up more infont of my husband [/INST] nta. she is being incredibly disrespectful of you and your husband, and it's frankly creepy and embarrassing for her. your house, your rules. you've told her her behavior makes you both uncomfortable and is inappropriate. she needs to stop or leave. period. doesn't matter how much "stress" she is under. your mother can host her if she feels differently. </s>
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AITA Refusing To Move Back Home For My Family
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i (35f) have finally gotten myself and my kids out of a bad marriage/relationship and tragedy has struck several times since then. i mean four family deaths, horrible accidents of family members, and just recently my brother has been told he has stage three kidney failure. a little backstory i have always been the outcast until someone in the family needs something then it’s as if we have been on speaking terms all the while. i moved away to have my family at peace but again being in a really bad relationship made that hard until now. after finding out about my brother my mother is asking me to move back to my home town to be closer to family. i told her no because honestly i feel like it’s because i’m needed to help financially in some kind of way or to take my brother to appointments. i don’t want to. i maybe the asshole for not wanting to help but i have dig myself out of a hole and i refuse to willingly jump into a new one. so am i really the ah?
| 227 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zft565/aita_refusing_to_move_back_home_for_my_family/
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2022-12-08 08:19:30
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nta you don't have to live as your family wants, especially if they only reach out to you when they want something.
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nta, if your family wanted your for more than money, theyd've kept in contact when they didn't need something from you.
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nta
as soon as you move back and they no longer financially need you or need favors from you, they will discard you once again.
live where you have support, have friends, are mentally stable. family is more than blood.
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oh, boy, nta
i want you to listen very carefully to me, op. because i have ckd and esrd. currently, depending on who you talk to, my prognosis is 4 years to maybe more. (my vascular surgeon says "don't listen to those pussies! i'll tell you when your longevity is at risk!")
stage 3 chronic kidney failure is not life threatening! is it a serious illlness? yes. but! it is very manageable so long as the person is compliant with their treatment plan. a person cannot get social security disability for stage 3 kidney failure. it has to be full on end stage renal failure (esrd) before they would qualify. you can still work full time as a stage 3 ckd patient. you can go do lots of stuff, because stage 3 ckd does not require dialysis, so i am not sure what kind of smoke your mom is trying to blow up your behind with saying you have to move home. i'm betting it's so that you can financially support them while he goes and goofs off, most certainly getting himself into esrd within the next year or so with being dumb. do not do this!
i worked full time up until i was late stage 4 ckd. by then, my kidney function was dropping below 20%. you do not start dialysis until 15%. again, not sure why your mom is having conniptions at stage 3, unless your brother is just a completely irresponsible person about his health. i'm esrd now, on dialysis and have some other serious gastric issues that make life fun, but here i am, at 7am in the morning, getting ready to go work my part time job, making plans for errands after work and for making a batch of sauerkraut, elderberry syrup and fire cider. i am most certainly not on my death bed. (though i do occasionally have to take a day and rest, but hey, that's what world of warcraft is for!) your brother is only stage 3. if he straightens up and adheres to his treatment plan, follows the renal diet faithfully and sticks to a decent exercise regimen, he can avoid dialysis for 20 to 30 years, or more. because while your kidneys are most certainly prone to be fragile under certain conditions, those little buggers are also pretty darn resilient if you take care of them properly! so, i definitely call bs on the "you need to come home" thing. no! you do not need to do anything but take care of yourself and your kids!
you want to know why i am on dialysis at the age of 54? because i did not prioritize my own health ahead of what "but faaammmilllyyyy!" wanted me to do. am i salty about that? darn tootin'! because i will not see my daughter grow into a mature woman, or see my grandchildren or live to be a crazy old woman, cackling with delight over all the shocked faces when i say something or do something that they think an old woman should not be saying or doing. (see: torturing my daughter until she's 60. i say that facetiously. because she already gives me the "i am sucking on the world's most sour lemon" face frequently, like when i tell her i am working a free lance install gig. tbf, i did scare the bejeezus out of her by almost dying in 2017.)
no, what you need to do right now is give yourself a solid year of grieving for everything that has happened. the divorce, the family deaths, all of it. make it a hard and fast rule. no major decisions for a year. because you need to heal from the relationship trauma. your kids need to heal from the relationship trauma. have you stopped to realize that they were collateral damage yet? because they were, hon. not trying to place blame or fault, but what you have to realize is that your kids have some trauma too, and that is gonna leave scars, just as it is with you.
you have to prioritize yourself, because you have minor kids who cannot take care of themselves. that is your responsibility. your mom and your brother are not, i repeat, not your responsibility! they are grown ass adults and can take care of themselves!
now, putting on my mom/grandma face for a minute: have you found a therapist for yourself and your kids? if you have insurance, whether through work or medicaid, it should cover it. i know mine covers telehealth therapy for free. look into it. take advantage of it. because you need all the help you can get to learn tools for establishing your boundaries and then enforcing them with extreme prejudice. when is the last time you did something kind for yourself? when is the last time you had a decent meal and decent sleep? when is the last time you gave yourself grace and allowed yourself to feel all the emotions that i know have to be overwhelming you right now? when is the last time you felt like you liked or even loved yourself? these are things you need to think about and address, way before you even remotely think about your mom or brother. that is not selfish.
i made a promise to a 12 year old girl when i first found out how sick i was. i promised her that i would fight tooth and nail, even walk through hellfire, to stay alive for as long as she needed me. that girl is now 30ish!!! came real close to breaking that promise in 2017 and was told i shocked the surgeons who saved my life, because there was no way i should have been alive. but i still remember fishing in heaven with my mama and being ordered to go back, and waking up to my daughter's stressed out, angry voice ringing in my ear "ma! you promised!". and i remember trying to answer her around the tube down my throat, with my hands tied up on the rails of the hospital bed; trying to tell her "i know, baby girl. i'm right here. i am not going anywhere yet!". of course, all that came out was "gurglegurgle", but she could take my hand and i tried to squeeze as hard as my weak little butt could to reassure her.
i've had 8 surgeries this year. every time, i tell the surgeon, "see you on the other side" and she tells me "you die on my table, i'll kill you myself!". the nurses get exasperated with me because i will not stay put and i'm doing laps around the hallways. because i know that moving, being compliant with my treatment program and my diet keeps me alive. god will call me home in his time. until then, i am fighting tooth and nail to keep that promise to my daughter.
now, you need to think about that for a moment. if you go haring off to the beck and call of your mom and your brother, do you honestly thing that you are going to be there for your kids as long as they need you to be? no, because you are going to expend precious resources on them when you should be expending them on yourself and your kids.
no is a complete sentence. if you want to help your brother, encourage him to go make an account at [davita.com](https://davita.com). there are some nifty tools and resources on their website that will help him learn how to manage his dietary needs, exercise and fluid restrictions. it will even have resources for free classes and seminars so that he can be put in touch with other patients who will help support him in learning how to live with and manage his ckd. it even has this nifty food analyzer that tells you the breakdown on things like potassium, calcium, salt, and phosphorus contents. (potassium is quite poisonous to ckd patients in high amounts)
now, final and most important thing! you need to make an appointment with your doctor, or a doctor, as soon as possible. have them run a complete renal (kidney) panel as well as a full chemistry panel on you. because kidney disease usually runs in families. so, you need to be checked as well. you have a higher risk because you are a woman. you also have a higher risk of complications due to being a woman and having had kids. your system has already been stressed. get checked. then check out the [davita.com](https://davita.com) website. be proactive. walk. make little lifestyle changes that include dietary and exercise changes. focus on yourself and your kids. become selfish and self centered for them! because trust me, you want to be able to be 90 years old and showing the great-grandkids something your grandkids and kids will be absolutely tearing their hair out over while cackling madly with glee. (think one of them is 18 and you just taught them how to do doughnuts in the mall parking lot or how to go mudding in pop's new truck level of shenanigans).
now, take a deep breath. in and out. just breathe. i promise you, the sun will shine again for you. for right now, while it's all stormy out for you, take this time to learn how to be a willow tree. so that when the storms of life hit, you dance in them, bending and swaying but never, ever breaking.
may the earth mother embrace you and give you a path full of love, light, laughter, joy and a peaceful soul. may you walk in beauty, always.
love and hugs, dear one.
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nta, sounds like there’s plenty of capable adults in the family who stuck around and are available to help.
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nta, they are trying to use you, given the fact they only include you when they want something.
i’m sorry for all the tragedies that have happened in your family. my condolences go out to you. i hope things get better soon.
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nta. you are almost certainly right about the expectations if you did move nearer to them.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (35f) have finally gotten myself and my kids out of a bad marriage/relationship and tragedy has struck several times since then. i mean four family deaths, horrible accidents of family members, and just recently my brother has been told he has stage three kidney failure. a little backstory i have always been the outcast until someone in the family needs something then it’s as if we have been on speaking terms all the while. i moved away to have my family at peace but again being in a really bad relationship made that hard until now. after finding out about my brother my mother is asking me to move back to my home town to be closer to family. i told her no because honestly i feel like it’s because i’m needed to help financially in some kind of way or to take my brother to appointments. i don’t want to. i maybe the asshole for not wanting to help but i have dig myself out of a hole and i refuse to willingly jump into a new one. so am i really the ah?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (35f) have finally gotten myself and my kids out of a bad marriage/relationship and tragedy has struck several times since then. i mean four family deaths, horrible accidents of family members, and just recently my brother has been told he has stage three kidney failure. a little backstory i have always been the outcast until someone in the family needs something then it’s as if we have been on speaking terms all the while. i moved away to have my family at peace but again being in a really bad relationship made that hard until now. after finding out about my brother my mother is asking me to move back to my home town to be closer to family. i told her no because honestly i feel like it’s because i’m needed to help financially in some kind of way or to take my brother to appointments. i don’t want to. i maybe the asshole for not wanting to help but i have dig myself out of a hole and i refuse to willingly jump into a new one. so am i really the ah? [/INST] nta you don't have to live as your family wants, especially if they only reach out to you when they want something. </s>
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AITA for telling my girlfriend that I never want to go with her to the movies again?
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just got back from my first movie theater experience since the pandemic started. i went with my girlfriend and her two friends, a married couple.
well my girlfriend and her friend were talking through the previews, which was fine, but then didn't stop when the movie started. like 5 minutes go by and i'm in disbelief that they're still chatting.
so i shush them. and just the fact that it got to that point put me in a bad mood.
they quiet down. for a little while. but then they start up again. i shush the again. but again they start up. at that point i figure it's a lost cause.
the movie ends and the two of us go to the car and she says that the movie was great it was nice to go to the movies again.
i tell her that i don't see the point in going if she's just going to talk the whole time. how that ruins the movie for me.
she says that other people were talking. and that she bought the tickets (which she did, but without asking me about it first).
i say it's worse when it's someone right next to you. then tell her that if she wants to buy tickets again to just buy them for her since i don't want to go.
so we get home and she goes straight to bed without saying anything and i'm sitting here wondering aita?
| 4,011 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q9tq1b/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_i_never_want/
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2021-10-17 07:04:36
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nta. she was rude. a comment or two\* when something big happens is fine. but talking is not.
\*it's in the shed! or oh my god! type stuff.
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nta it’s an unwritten rule that when the film starts you stop talking and watch the film. your gf and her friend are what ruins going to the cinema.
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nta. who goes to the movies to talk? she and her friend are entitled and inconsiderate.
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nta- this is quite the unforgiveable sin, she not only ruined the movie for you but everyone else that was in earshot but has the guts to say she enjoyed the movie she didn't even watch. hell your girlfriend should have been kicked out for being so inconsiderate.
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nta. my husband is the same and it's annoying af.
the last straw was when we went to midsommar and he kept cracking a total cringefest of jokes whenever an intense scene came up (which if you've seen midsommar, is almost the entire movie). i was super excited to see it and he completely ruined the experience. and it upset him that i didn't enjoy his constant talking
movies are now a strict no-no as a couple thing for us. we go separately. he has a couple of friends that talk during the movie just like him. i love going to the movies with my sibling. my brother is the perfect movie companion. will stay quiet, might shoot each other the occasional "holy fuck what just happened" look. i miss nothing.
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nta it's a rule at most/all theaters not to talk in the movie for a reason. you're not asking for something uncommon here. the fact that other people were talking just makes them assholes too lol.
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nta.
you pay to see a movie, not to listen to other peoples conversations. they should have gone out to dinner or something instead.
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nta. she was extremely inconsiderate of everyone else. if i were you, i would have gotten up and moved seats far away from her
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i hear a very special level of hell is reserved for those who talk in a theater..nta
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nta
nothing is worse then people who chat at a movie theatre. like if you want to chat wait till it comes out and watch it at home. if she is going to be petty about the money just give it back, to save yourself the headache.
this is why i only go to the movies by myself or with my older sis who i know won’t speak. good luck op she sounds charming /s
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: just got back from my first movie theater experience since the pandemic started. i went with my girlfriend and her two friends, a married couple. well my girlfriend and her friend were talking through the previews, which was fine, but then didn't stop when the movie started. like 5 minutes go by and i'm in disbelief that they're still chatting. so i shush them. and just the fact that it got to that point put me in a bad mood. they quiet down. for a little while. but then they start up again. i shush the again. but again they start up. at that point i figure it's a lost cause. the movie ends and the two of us go to the car and she says that the movie was great it was nice to go to the movies again. i tell her that i don't see the point in going if she's just going to talk the whole time. how that ruins the movie for me. she says that other people were talking. and that she bought the tickets (which she did, but without asking me about it first). i say it's worse when it's someone right next to you. then tell her that if she wants to buy tickets again to just buy them for her since i don't want to go. so we get home and she goes straight to bed without saying anything and i'm sitting here wondering aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
just got back from my first movie theater experience since the pandemic started. i went with my girlfriend and her two friends, a married couple. well my girlfriend and her friend were talking through the previews, which was fine, but then didn't stop when the movie started. like 5 minutes go by and i'm in disbelief that they're still chatting. so i shush them. and just the fact that it got to that point put me in a bad mood. they quiet down. for a little while. but then they start up again. i shush the again. but again they start up. at that point i figure it's a lost cause. the movie ends and the two of us go to the car and she says that the movie was great it was nice to go to the movies again. i tell her that i don't see the point in going if she's just going to talk the whole time. how that ruins the movie for me. she says that other people were talking. and that she bought the tickets (which she did, but without asking me about it first). i say it's worse when it's someone right next to you. then tell her that if she wants to buy tickets again to just buy them for her since i don't want to go. so we get home and she goes straight to bed without saying anything and i'm sitting here wondering aita? [/INST] nta. she was rude. a comment or two\* when something big happens is fine. but talking is not. \*it's in the shed! or oh my god! type stuff. </s>
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AITA for giving my daughter more money than my son after a lottery win because of different circumstances?
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i recently had a second division win on the lottery and after taxes pocketed about $300k - a nice and very handy sum of money, but not the kind of money that will let you set you and your kids up for life.
we have two kids who are twins in their late twenties and i'll give them the fake names of lucas and carolina. lucas has a wife and two kids under 5 (being a little vague for privacy). carolina is single and happy with that for now & doesn't want kids.
my husband and i have decided that in addition to taking a holiday, getting a new car, and putting most of it into savings, we would gift each of our kids $25k each. we also decided we would pay off carolina's student loans (about $35k, which is not bad for a ba and a ma. she had a scholarship for her masters and only borrowed what she needed for a compulsory internship in an expensive city & the ba amount is pretty standard for where we are) and will pay for carolina's icl surgery for her vision (lasik is not suitable) as she needs very strong glasses (-12) and it is not covered by any insurance or our country's health care system. the surgery is about $12k. carolina has been saving for it herself, i told her to use the money and treat herself to a holiday.
lucas says that i am being unfair and favouring carolina & and that he should get the extra $47k carolina is essentially getting, especially because "i have kids and she doesn't and she has a better job anyway".
i don't think i am being unfair.
if lucas went to university, i'd have settled his debt too or paid the same amount off each of their balances, depending on the amounts. but lucas chose to drop out of school in 10th grade. her better job is the result of her putting in more years of education.
i'd also pay for lucas to have eye surgery if he needed it. but he doesn't. carolina has missed out on things because of her vision and that he has benefited in the years - she is not allowed to have a licence because of it and a few years ago when my husband and i bought a new car, we gave lucas our old one which we could have traded in for about $6k & paid for driving lessons. carolina didn't complain about it or demand money of her own.
i also think giving him $47k to "play" with is different to covering an educational debt and a health expense. it also punishes carolina - she gets a necessary surgery and educational expenses while her brother gets extra free "fun" money. he asks "what about my kids". i actually am putting aside some money for their educations (i plan to give both $10k + whatever interest it gets towards educational costs if they go to uni) but have not told him this, but ultimately, while i love my grandkids, they are his responsibility to provide for.
lucas continues to insist i am favouring carolina and making comments that she is the preferred golden child. i personally think $25k is generous and it is not unreasonable to cover a specific educational and health expenses i would have also covered if he has the need.
aita?
| 3,058 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d6c0g0/aita_for_giving_my_daughter_more_money_than_my/
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2019-09-19 10:19:09
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nta.
i think it is perfectly fine to be willing to pay educational/health expenses for your children as needed but not give additional "free money" to spend on whatever they want to the child that didn't finish school and doesn't need eye surgery.
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i'm not giving a verdict, because i think this is more complex than asshole/not asshole. i don't know lucas.
by paying of carolina's debts and surgery, you're essentially giving her that money, because she won't have to pay it herself. they're obviously two things that she can afford, because she's currently paying for herself, and you're making it so she doesn't have to anymore. she could save that money, and get that full amount.
and from lucas' perspective, he's being punished for not being as academic as carolina - despite seemingly finding his feet and having a family. what debts does he have? does he want that money for funzies, or to build a more stable future for his family?
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nta. you don't owe either of them anything and you are being exceptionally amazing parents and grandparents. your son is very entitled to money he did not earn, and he has no right dictating how much he should be given.
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esh - your son sucks for being entitled, i mean it is your money and you get to choose what you want to do with it. and giving him 25k is very gracious. however you suck for claiming this is fair. it’s not. you’re giving your daughter an extra 47k and you seem very resentful that your son dropped out of school young. if your daughter wanted she could put her money towards the eye surgery or paying off student loans, since as you stated she’s going to be making much more than her brother with her education. your daughter is living on her own with no one else to support, and she has 47k in fees on top of the 25k of usable income. your son is supporting an additional 3 people however and i can completely understand his frustrations with his single sister getting fees plus 25k. if you wanted to truly be fair, you’d have to pay 47k of his/his familys fees, like a mortgage, loan or car loan. if you don’t want to do this that’s fine but don’t call it fair.
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nta mostly because carolina isn’t “getting” more money. you are choosing how to spend it in order to cover her educational and healthcare expenses. your son just wants fun money that he controls and that’s the difference. carolina isn’t controlling how this “extra” is being spent and it’s not going in her pocket where as i see your son wanting control over if he gets extra or the same.
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soft yta - you are absolutely favouring one over the other and its hard not to have sympathy for lucas.
you gave them $25k each, and then gave her an extra $35k. and expect him to be happy with that?
>while i love my grandkids, they are his responsibility to provide for
her education was her choice, by the same reasonsing are her debts are not her responsibility?
he chose kids, she chose education, and you are rewarding her choice over his, whether you feel that is right or wrong.
however, i also disagree with just giving him $47k.
for a start, the surgery is not relevant, you are chosing to get her that with your money. if he had a medical condition you would do the same for him.
i also think setting up trust funds for the grandkids is the solution, with requirements for it to be spent on education. i think maybe the communication of this would resolve any issues.
at the end of the day, he is getting a large sum of money and should be grateful, but i do see it from his perspective too.
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yta. lucas is right, you're favoring carolina, and it shows. is it the fact that he dropped out of school, or that he married a woman you don't approve of?
you can try to explain it away all you want, but if you treat your kids differently, then you will cause a rift between them, and that makes you the asshole here. it's not about the money so much, it's about the clear message it sends - "she deserves this more than you, because she is the better child!"
if you want to be even remotely fair, stick with the 25k for each of them, let lucas know you're opening a college account for each of his kids to the tune of 10k each, then give carolina the equivalent 20k towards her debts and surgery.
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yta.
your son is right. you’re favoring your daughter over him. your daughter’s obligations that are unique to her, but i could come up with a list of unique obligations your son has that your daughter doesn’t.
you’re concerned that your son spending the money on a vacation, but you’re paying for your daughter’s surgery and expect her to use the money she saved to go on a holiday. essentially, you’re paying for a holiday for her, indirectly.
if you think your son will blow through the money, then put an equal amount of money in a trust for your grandchildren to be used for their education.
don’t set your children up to resent each other.
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nah. it’s your money. i understand he is upset because it seems like you’re giving her an extra 47k but really you’re paying off her debts and paying for her surgery. if he needed surgery i’m sure you’d pay for it. if he went to college i’m sure you would have paid for it too.
if he didn’t have a problem taking your car when his sister got nothing then he shouldn’t really complain. it seems like you help your kids out when they need it.
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yta. it is so clear how much you favour your daughter over your son. i’m sure he has some expenses you could cover but choose not to. it’s your money but you speak about your daughter in positives and your son in negatives. he’s not wrong for seeing that
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
| 0.715918 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i recently had a second division win on the lottery and after taxes pocketed about $300k - a nice and very handy sum of money, but not the kind of money that will let you set you and your kids up for life. we have two kids who are twins in their late twenties and i'll give them the fake names of lucas and carolina. lucas has a wife and two kids under 5 (being a little vague for privacy). carolina is single and happy with that for now & doesn't want kids. my husband and i have decided that in addition to taking a holiday, getting a new car, and putting most of it into savings, we would gift each of our kids $25k each. we also decided we would pay off carolina's student loans (about $35k, which is not bad for a ba and a ma. she had a scholarship for her masters and only borrowed what she needed for a compulsory internship in an expensive city & the ba amount is pretty standard for where we are) and will pay for carolina's icl surgery for her vision (lasik is not suitable) as she needs very strong glasses (-12) and it is not covered by any insurance or our country's health care system. the surgery is about $12k. carolina has been saving for it herself, i told her to use the money and treat herself to a holiday. lucas says that i am being unfair and favouring carolina & and that he should get the extra $47k carolina is essentially getting, especially because "i have kids and she doesn't and she has a better job anyway". i don't think i am being unfair. if lucas went to university, i'd have settled his debt too or paid the same amount off each of their balances, depending on the amounts. but lucas chose to drop out of school in 10th grade. her better job is the result of her putting in more years of education. i'd also pay for lucas to have eye surgery if he needed it. but he doesn't. carolina has missed out on things because of her vision and that he has benefited in the years - she is not allowed to have a licence because of it and a few years ago when my husband and i bought a new car, we gave lucas our old one which we could have traded in for about $6k & paid for driving lessons. carolina didn't complain about it or demand money of her own. i also think giving him $47k to "play" with is different to covering an educational debt and a health expense. it also punishes carolina - she gets a necessary surgery and educational expenses while her brother gets extra free "fun" money. he asks "what about my kids". i actually am putting aside some money for their educations (i plan to give both $10k + whatever interest it gets towards educational costs if they go to uni) but have not told him this, but ultimately, while i love my grandkids, they are his responsibility to provide for. lucas continues to insist i am favouring carolina and making comments that she is the preferred golden child. i personally think $25k is generous and it is not unreasonable to cover a specific educational and health expenses i would have also covered if he has the need. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i recently had a second division win on the lottery and after taxes pocketed about $300k - a nice and very handy sum of money, but not the kind of money that will let you set you and your kids up for life. we have two kids who are twins in their late twenties and i'll give them the fake names of lucas and carolina. lucas has a wife and two kids under 5 (being a little vague for privacy). carolina is single and happy with that for now & doesn't want kids. my husband and i have decided that in addition to taking a holiday, getting a new car, and putting most of it into savings, we would gift each of our kids $25k each. we also decided we would pay off carolina's student loans (about $35k, which is not bad for a ba and a ma. she had a scholarship for her masters and only borrowed what she needed for a compulsory internship in an expensive city & the ba amount is pretty standard for where we are) and will pay for carolina's icl surgery for her vision (lasik is not suitable) as she needs very strong glasses (-12) and it is not covered by any insurance or our country's health care system. the surgery is about $12k. carolina has been saving for it herself, i told her to use the money and treat herself to a holiday. lucas says that i am being unfair and favouring carolina & and that he should get the extra $47k carolina is essentially getting, especially because "i have kids and she doesn't and she has a better job anyway". i don't think i am being unfair. if lucas went to university, i'd have settled his debt too or paid the same amount off each of their balances, depending on the amounts. but lucas chose to drop out of school in 10th grade. her better job is the result of her putting in more years of education. i'd also pay for lucas to have eye surgery if he needed it. but he doesn't. carolina has missed out on things because of her vision and that he has benefited in the years - she is not allowed to have a licence because of it and a few years ago when my husband and i bought a new car, we gave lucas our old one which we could have traded in for about $6k & paid for driving lessons. carolina didn't complain about it or demand money of her own. i also think giving him $47k to "play" with is different to covering an educational debt and a health expense. it also punishes carolina - she gets a necessary surgery and educational expenses while her brother gets extra free "fun" money. he asks "what about my kids". i actually am putting aside some money for their educations (i plan to give both $10k + whatever interest it gets towards educational costs if they go to uni) but have not told him this, but ultimately, while i love my grandkids, they are his responsibility to provide for. lucas continues to insist i am favouring carolina and making comments that she is the preferred golden child. i personally think $25k is generous and it is not unreasonable to cover a specific educational and health expenses i would have also covered if he has the need. aita? [/INST] nta. i think it is perfectly fine to be willing to pay educational/health expenses for your children as needed but not give additional "free money" to spend on whatever they want to the child that didn't finish school and doesn't need eye surgery. </s>
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AITA for refusing to hide my alcohol?
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using my throwaway for privacy.
&#x200b;
&#x200b;
my flatmates and i are all in university and my flatmates love to party. i'm a cocktail bartender and i spend my weekends at work so i don't party as much as them. i've never had a problem with them partying. i've been wanting to expand my home bar so i bought a cabinet for storing my alcohol and cocktail supplies. i've told my flatmates i'm going to move my alcohol into the new cabinet for better storage so they can have more cupboard space and i have a dedicated space for my alcohol, room to expand, etc. they told me that's fine, but i'd have to cover up the cabinet or move all my alcohol to my (very small) bedroom on the weekends so their drunk friends don't take my alcohol. i'm not sure the situation in other countries, but new zealand spirits such as chartreuse can be $75+ and other quality spirits are similar which is a lot for a student. i told my flatmates that's an unreasonable request and their friends need to control themselves around alcohol, but they argue that when they're all drunk they can't control their actions. they suggested i can put a sheet over the cabinet when they have a party, but i think their friends' binge drinking shouldn't be my problem.
&#x200b;
&#x200b;
my bedroom has about 1sqm of walking space with all my furniture in it so there is no room for my alcohol in here (apart from lying on my bed).
&#x200b;
&#x200b;
aita?
| 210 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nvrq7y/aita_for_refusing_to_hide_my_alcohol/
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2021-06-09 09:35:34
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nta but that's not going to be much consolation when all your stuff gets drunk. i've been to my share of student parties in nz. i've hosted my share of them. and once the drinking starts, nothing is off limits. drinking culture here plus the bizarrely relaxed view in flats about property ownership is a very bad combination.
you're not going to win this one except morally. hide your alcohol or find a way to lock the cabinet. sorry.
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nta - i wouldn't take any risks, can the cabinet be locked?
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it “shouldn’t” be your problem...but it is. so which would you rather- take two seconds to cover up your stuff or have people drink it?
“i shouldn’t have to” is the most useless stance ever. you have a problem, there is a solution, stop whining about what you should or shouldn’t have to do because it’s not going to get you anywhere.
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depends how safe you want your alcohol lol!? if i was you i wouldn't want to risk a bunch of random drunk people drinking my expensive special stuff just because i wanted to make a point out of not hiding it away!!! priorities :)
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nta for obvious reasons but i wouldn't die on this hill unless you want your alcohol stolen. you can be right and wronged at the same time; don't let that happen when you have the foresight, my friend
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realistically if you don’t hide your alcohol, your flatmates’ guests will drink it. i think you need to store it in your room. i think if drunk students see a cabinet, even if it’s covered up, they will guess it’s a drinks cabinet and find their way in.
nah but prepare to be disappointed and out of pocket, with your flatmates shrugging and saying we warned you.
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yeah, put your booze in your room. they've told you that people might drink it.
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nah. your roommates are simply trying to protect your property. the only real solution here is to set some partying rules you all abide by. even then, your alcohol's going to be at risk unless you ban visitors altogether.
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nta. sounds to me like they are saying "hey on the weekends we'll be inviting people over who will steal your stuff if you don't hide it. fair warning." that's not acceptable,
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nah, as it seems like they are otherwise respecting your boundaries, and it seems sensible that they don't want to take responsibility for your supplies on their friends' behalf (not cool friends, but drunk people are pretty much like uncontrollable toddlers in certain situations).
better safe than sorry, eh?
i would also think about investing in a lock as someone else suggested.
(for instance, my old flatmates decided that since i offered them a shot of imported disaronno once, it was a fair game just helping themselves whenever. in full glasses...)
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
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NAH
| null |
NAH
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.011362 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: using my throwaway for privacy. &#x200b; &#x200b; my flatmates and i are all in university and my flatmates love to party. i'm a cocktail bartender and i spend my weekends at work so i don't party as much as them. i've never had a problem with them partying. i've been wanting to expand my home bar so i bought a cabinet for storing my alcohol and cocktail supplies. i've told my flatmates i'm going to move my alcohol into the new cabinet for better storage so they can have more cupboard space and i have a dedicated space for my alcohol, room to expand, etc. they told me that's fine, but i'd have to cover up the cabinet or move all my alcohol to my (very small) bedroom on the weekends so their drunk friends don't take my alcohol. i'm not sure the situation in other countries, but new zealand spirits such as chartreuse can be $75+ and other quality spirits are similar which is a lot for a student. i told my flatmates that's an unreasonable request and their friends need to control themselves around alcohol, but they argue that when they're all drunk they can't control their actions. they suggested i can put a sheet over the cabinet when they have a party, but i think their friends' binge drinking shouldn't be my problem. &#x200b; &#x200b; my bedroom has about 1sqm of walking space with all my furniture in it so there is no room for my alcohol in here (apart from lying on my bed). &#x200b; &#x200b; aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
using my throwaway for privacy. &#x200b; &#x200b; my flatmates and i are all in university and my flatmates love to party. i'm a cocktail bartender and i spend my weekends at work so i don't party as much as them. i've never had a problem with them partying. i've been wanting to expand my home bar so i bought a cabinet for storing my alcohol and cocktail supplies. i've told my flatmates i'm going to move my alcohol into the new cabinet for better storage so they can have more cupboard space and i have a dedicated space for my alcohol, room to expand, etc. they told me that's fine, but i'd have to cover up the cabinet or move all my alcohol to my (very small) bedroom on the weekends so their drunk friends don't take my alcohol. i'm not sure the situation in other countries, but new zealand spirits such as chartreuse can be $75+ and other quality spirits are similar which is a lot for a student. i told my flatmates that's an unreasonable request and their friends need to control themselves around alcohol, but they argue that when they're all drunk they can't control their actions. they suggested i can put a sheet over the cabinet when they have a party, but i think their friends' binge drinking shouldn't be my problem. &#x200b; &#x200b; my bedroom has about 1sqm of walking space with all my furniture in it so there is no room for my alcohol in here (apart from lying on my bed). &#x200b; &#x200b; aita? [/INST] nta but that's not going to be much consolation when all your stuff gets drunk. i've been to my share of student parties in nz. i've hosted my share of them. and once the drinking starts, nothing is off limits. drinking culture here plus the bizarrely relaxed view in flats about property ownership is a very bad combination. you're not going to win this one except morally. hide your alcohol or find a way to lock the cabinet. sorry. </s>
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AITA for telling my friends they can't smoke in my new house?
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recently i bought a house and had a few friends over for a housewarming party, we were playing video games and catching up for the first time since lockdown.
of the group i'm the only non smoker and i grew up in a non smoker household. the other 3 are also big pot smokers.
in my old property i was fine with them passing a solid around as it was an older building and i was renting so i had less of a personal attachment. also the landlord was my neighbour and smoked a bunch of weed himself so the smell was pretty much always there regardless.
but my house is a new build property and it's mine, i plan on being here a long time and don't want it to stink of weed. so when the guys went to light up a joint, i asked them if they wouldn't mind heading outside because i really don't want anyone smoking in my house.
of the 3, 2 were fine but my friend jack (not his real name) was mad that he was being pushed out into the rain and didn't feel welcome. i explained my reasons but he said i was moving the goal posts and he would not have never come over if he couldn't smoke here and that i was being judgemental of his habit.
he basically stormed off and walked home and hasn't spoken to me since, even though i've tried to be reasonable and text him to sort things out.
so aita?
| 983 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jkphc9/aita_for_telling_my_friends_they_cant_smoke_in_my/
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2020-10-30 03:33:09
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nta. smoking inside can cause lasting damage and the smells get embedded in fabric of all kinds. you could maybe set up like a smoking place outside your house or in the yard as a gesture of good faith, but you are nta for making and enforcing rules in your own house.
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nta. he’s not really your friend if he only comes over to your house if he can smoke inside.
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nta. pride of ownership. it’s your house, your rules.
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nta it’s literally your house. if they have a problem they can go somewhere else. it’s inconsiderate not to get someone’s consent before smoking in their home (or to ignore their wishes)
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nta. it's your house. btw you're not being judgmental, i smoke but i don't smoke indoors that's kinda rude.
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nta- those that obliged respect you. mr.jack on the other hand is just using your place to bum around to smoke weed in. he has 0 respect for you or your things. you don't need a friend like him.
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obviously nta, did you really doubt this?
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**nta**. as the saying goes: your house, your rules. you have every right to ask your friends to smoke outside, and you did so politely and explained your reasoning behind your request.
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nta. all my friends smoke and they respect when i ask them not to smoke in my car/home.
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nta - literally no one is allowed to smoke on my property for any reason. period. not in my house, not in my yard, not in my driveway. anywhere on my property is too close. you can smoke at home or in the street.
i am not obligated to allow that cancer anywhere near my lungs.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: recently i bought a house and had a few friends over for a housewarming party, we were playing video games and catching up for the first time since lockdown. of the group i'm the only non smoker and i grew up in a non smoker household. the other 3 are also big pot smokers. in my old property i was fine with them passing a solid around as it was an older building and i was renting so i had less of a personal attachment. also the landlord was my neighbour and smoked a bunch of weed himself so the smell was pretty much always there regardless. but my house is a new build property and it's mine, i plan on being here a long time and don't want it to stink of weed. so when the guys went to light up a joint, i asked them if they wouldn't mind heading outside because i really don't want anyone smoking in my house. of the 3, 2 were fine but my friend jack (not his real name) was mad that he was being pushed out into the rain and didn't feel welcome. i explained my reasons but he said i was moving the goal posts and he would not have never come over if he couldn't smoke here and that i was being judgemental of his habit. he basically stormed off and walked home and hasn't spoken to me since, even though i've tried to be reasonable and text him to sort things out. so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
recently i bought a house and had a few friends over for a housewarming party, we were playing video games and catching up for the first time since lockdown. of the group i'm the only non smoker and i grew up in a non smoker household. the other 3 are also big pot smokers. in my old property i was fine with them passing a solid around as it was an older building and i was renting so i had less of a personal attachment. also the landlord was my neighbour and smoked a bunch of weed himself so the smell was pretty much always there regardless. but my house is a new build property and it's mine, i plan on being here a long time and don't want it to stink of weed. so when the guys went to light up a joint, i asked them if they wouldn't mind heading outside because i really don't want anyone smoking in my house. of the 3, 2 were fine but my friend jack (not his real name) was mad that he was being pushed out into the rain and didn't feel welcome. i explained my reasons but he said i was moving the goal posts and he would not have never come over if he couldn't smoke here and that i was being judgemental of his habit. he basically stormed off and walked home and hasn't spoken to me since, even though i've tried to be reasonable and text him to sort things out. so aita? [/INST] nta. smoking inside can cause lasting damage and the smells get embedded in fabric of all kinds. you could maybe set up like a smoking place outside your house or in the yard as a gesture of good faith, but you are nta for making and enforcing rules in your own house. </s>
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AITA for refusing to let my whole family come on my post-grad vacation?
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throwaway because family knows my account.
i (23f) will be graduating from university next summer. since i was 18, i have been saving up a small amount of each of my paycheques from my part-time job to be able to go on a really awesome post-grad vacation. i have more than enough saved in a fund to pay for what i want - a mediterranean cruise. i can afford the flight, cruise & hotel stay a few nights in one of the ports with a small $ left over.
unfortunately, to be able to book a cabin on a cruise ship, you need to 25 years old (it's to discourage groups of college kids from booking a cruise & getting out of control). i asked my parents if they would be willing to book the cruise for me (they've been on several so might even get a discount/deal too) & i could just give them the money. they asked how i felt if they came with me, too. i actually get along with my parents really well & though it's been some time since we've all been on a trip together, i didn't have a problem with this so i agreed.
fast forward to yesterday, my much older siblings (33m and 36f) found out about the cruise & my parents want to invite them on it too. i refused for several reasons:
1) this is my post-grad trip, not a family vacation. i've been saving for this a long time & i want it to be relaxing. my brother & sister stress me out.
2) i don't get along great with my brother (33m) & i can see him getting way too drunk every night on the cruise & my mom worrying about him every single night & not having fun, which means i won't have fun. although my sister & i are close, we have very different personalities & we always disagree about what to do when we hang out.
3) my siblings are extremely disorganized & late for things (especially my brother). i really don't want to deal with the stress of almost missing the flight or boarding the cruise which is inevitable with my brother. you can tell him to be ready at 9 for something you don't have to leave for until 10, & he'll be ready at 10:30.
i told my parents i don't want to make my post-grad trip a family trip, & if they really thought it was unfair to go on this cruise & not invite my siblings, then that was fine but then we should cancel it because i'm not going with all of them. aita?
edit thanks everyone. i feel less like a selfish bitch now.
| 425 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e8ckp8/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_whole_family_come_on/
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2019-12-09 16:59:03
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nta. you’re paying for your own trip and you should get to have the vacation you want.
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[deleted]
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nta. this is *your* vacation. your parents should not have asked to go with you if they thought it was going to be a "family trip". graduating is a huge accomplishment, and you get to decide how you celebrate
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nta - have you looked at other cruise lines? i took a cruise this year with my husband. i booked everything as the primary traveler and i was not 25 yet.
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nta. there are some cruise lines that you can book being under 25. [here's a link i found for you to check out](http://www.travelandcruiseworld.com/page/agerequirementsofcruising).
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nta - you could guilt trip them to not invite your siblings saying that you were looking forward to some alone time with your parents lol
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nta this trip is for you. they are hijacking it and that’s not cool at all. remind your parents this is your reward to yourself. this is your trip, not theirs. you’re being nice enough and letting your parents come.
they are being incredibly selfish. tell them they can plan their own ‘family’ vacation, separate from yours.
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nta. your vacation, your rules. you can do a family trip another time.
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nta unless they offered to cover the cost of the trip, it’s really disrespectful to basically spend your money without consulting you first.
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nta. not everything has to be a family affair. do you know anyone else over 25 who can book the cruise for you and not invite themselves along? if you do i'd ask them instead.
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway because family knows my account. i (23f) will be graduating from university next summer. since i was 18, i have been saving up a small amount of each of my paycheques from my part-time job to be able to go on a really awesome post-grad vacation. i have more than enough saved in a fund to pay for what i want - a mediterranean cruise. i can afford the flight, cruise & hotel stay a few nights in one of the ports with a small $ left over. unfortunately, to be able to book a cabin on a cruise ship, you need to 25 years old (it's to discourage groups of college kids from booking a cruise & getting out of control). i asked my parents if they would be willing to book the cruise for me (they've been on several so might even get a discount/deal too) & i could just give them the money. they asked how i felt if they came with me, too. i actually get along with my parents really well & though it's been some time since we've all been on a trip together, i didn't have a problem with this so i agreed. fast forward to yesterday, my much older siblings (33m and 36f) found out about the cruise & my parents want to invite them on it too. i refused for several reasons: 1) this is my post-grad trip, not a family vacation. i've been saving for this a long time & i want it to be relaxing. my brother & sister stress me out. 2) i don't get along great with my brother (33m) & i can see him getting way too drunk every night on the cruise & my mom worrying about him every single night & not having fun, which means i won't have fun. although my sister & i are close, we have very different personalities & we always disagree about what to do when we hang out. 3) my siblings are extremely disorganized & late for things (especially my brother). i really don't want to deal with the stress of almost missing the flight or boarding the cruise which is inevitable with my brother. you can tell him to be ready at 9 for something you don't have to leave for until 10, & he'll be ready at 10:30. i told my parents i don't want to make my post-grad trip a family trip, & if they really thought it was unfair to go on this cruise & not invite my siblings, then that was fine but then we should cancel it because i'm not going with all of them. aita? edit thanks everyone. i feel less like a selfish bitch now.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because family knows my account. i (23f) will be graduating from university next summer. since i was 18, i have been saving up a small amount of each of my paycheques from my part-time job to be able to go on a really awesome post-grad vacation. i have more than enough saved in a fund to pay for what i want - a mediterranean cruise. i can afford the flight, cruise & hotel stay a few nights in one of the ports with a small $ left over. unfortunately, to be able to book a cabin on a cruise ship, you need to 25 years old (it's to discourage groups of college kids from booking a cruise & getting out of control). i asked my parents if they would be willing to book the cruise for me (they've been on several so might even get a discount/deal too) & i could just give them the money. they asked how i felt if they came with me, too. i actually get along with my parents really well & though it's been some time since we've all been on a trip together, i didn't have a problem with this so i agreed. fast forward to yesterday, my much older siblings (33m and 36f) found out about the cruise & my parents want to invite them on it too. i refused for several reasons: 1) this is my post-grad trip, not a family vacation. i've been saving for this a long time & i want it to be relaxing. my brother & sister stress me out. 2) i don't get along great with my brother (33m) & i can see him getting way too drunk every night on the cruise & my mom worrying about him every single night & not having fun, which means i won't have fun. although my sister & i are close, we have very different personalities & we always disagree about what to do when we hang out. 3) my siblings are extremely disorganized & late for things (especially my brother). i really don't want to deal with the stress of almost missing the flight or boarding the cruise which is inevitable with my brother. you can tell him to be ready at 9 for something you don't have to leave for until 10, & he'll be ready at 10:30. i told my parents i don't want to make my post-grad trip a family trip, & if they really thought it was unfair to go on this cruise & not invite my siblings, then that was fine but then we should cancel it because i'm not going with all of them. aita? edit thanks everyone. i feel less like a selfish bitch now. [/INST] nta. you’re paying for your own trip and you should get to have the vacation you want. </s>
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AITA for sending back a cockatil?
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all happened 2 days ago i was in this bar with a couple of friends for a drink night, we were given a table right in front of the bartender and since we do that a lot and i know my tastes when the menù arrives i didn't even bother looking at it knowing what cocktail i wanted, my friends took 2 spritz and a "japan iced tea" while i took an italian iced tea.
this said while we were chatting i saw the bartender brewing mixing a couple of orange cocktail and a green one probably being the ones my friends took, but the last one was a bit odd, whenever i take the italian iced tea i expect the bartender to lenghten it with sprite but he was putting coca cola in my drink, at first i thought that this was for another table since spritz are common and a green cocktail could be anything, but the waiter came right to our table to give us the cocktail, a bit reluctant but i accept to drink the cocktail thinking i should know better next time and read the menù because every bar can make their own little twists on cocktails and could've put coca cola in it.
second cocktail round came in and this time i checked the menù, and there was written sprite in there. maybe the bartender made a simple mistake, it happens but i do want that cocktail so i ordered again hoping that this time was right, the waiter takes the orders and the menù back and we kept chatting, i said joking to my friends that if there's coke again in my cocktail i'll send it back.
ff to when the bartender was making our cocktails again and here it is, he is pouring coke in my drink, again, so when the waiter comes in i gently ask to change my cocktail since it is not properly done, so the waiter goes speaking to the bartender which replies that he does cocktails like they are written in the menù if i wanted my own twist i should've said it earlier.
since i don't want to make too much of a scene i said that most probably i was wrong and didn't read the menù carefully enough (but i was 101% sure i read it carefully) so i said that i'll accept my cocktail like it is, if in the menù there's coke and not sprite, so i'll ask for another menù since the waiter took ours earlier when he took the orders to double check. and yes i was right from the beginning the cocktail is made how i said, and on the menù in that bar is written like i recalled.
in the end the waiter apologized and changed my cocktail making a little joke saying this time it will be exactly like i was supposed to receive it and after that he offered us a round of free shots.
i felt really bad while my friends started poking at me saying the next drink will contain spit and that probably the bartender was fired (which for the record he wasn't) but after that i felt really bad, i'm no gordon ramsey shitting on everything unless is perfect and was actually my first time sending something back, so in the end aita?
| 250 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/au76ut/aita_for_sending_back_a_cockatil/
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2019-02-24 11:36:19
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nta and bartender nta. friends are though for saying there would be spit in the drinks
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nta at all.
seems like you handled it politely and in a friendly manner. mistakes can happen but it's also your right to get the cocktail you actually ordered.
and you got free shots for you and your friends, so cheer up :)
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nah. everyone seemed to do everything that they should have. the barman may have been wrong but that doesn't make him an asshole and you recalling the correct recipe may have made him a little better at his job. the waiter sounds like a good person. i hope you tipped well.
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nta
at my regular bar, people order drinks they are not familiar with. the owner is the head bartender, and i have seen him happily exchange drinks when a customer ordered a drink they didn't like, free of charge (it is all the same price across the board). that is how i think it should be.
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nta
the menu says it's made with sprite. you want it made with sprite. i don't see the problem. maybe that's how that bartender has always made italian ice teas, and probably no one's ever sent it back, but you weren't in the wrong. also the bartender was a bit of an asshole, he could have taken 5 seconds to actually look at the menu himself before challenging your complaint. so not nah. hope you enjoyed your free shots, i'd say you deserved them.
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[deleted]
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.002 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: all happened 2 days ago i was in this bar with a couple of friends for a drink night, we were given a table right in front of the bartender and since we do that a lot and i know my tastes when the menù arrives i didn't even bother looking at it knowing what cocktail i wanted, my friends took 2 spritz and a "japan iced tea" while i took an italian iced tea. this said while we were chatting i saw the bartender brewing mixing a couple of orange cocktail and a green one probably being the ones my friends took, but the last one was a bit odd, whenever i take the italian iced tea i expect the bartender to lenghten it with sprite but he was putting coca cola in my drink, at first i thought that this was for another table since spritz are common and a green cocktail could be anything, but the waiter came right to our table to give us the cocktail, a bit reluctant but i accept to drink the cocktail thinking i should know better next time and read the menù because every bar can make their own little twists on cocktails and could've put coca cola in it. second cocktail round came in and this time i checked the menù, and there was written sprite in there. maybe the bartender made a simple mistake, it happens but i do want that cocktail so i ordered again hoping that this time was right, the waiter takes the orders and the menù back and we kept chatting, i said joking to my friends that if there's coke again in my cocktail i'll send it back. ff to when the bartender was making our cocktails again and here it is, he is pouring coke in my drink, again, so when the waiter comes in i gently ask to change my cocktail since it is not properly done, so the waiter goes speaking to the bartender which replies that he does cocktails like they are written in the menù if i wanted my own twist i should've said it earlier. since i don't want to make too much of a scene i said that most probably i was wrong and didn't read the menù carefully enough (but i was 101% sure i read it carefully) so i said that i'll accept my cocktail like it is, if in the menù there's coke and not sprite, so i'll ask for another menù since the waiter took ours earlier when he took the orders to double check. and yes i was right from the beginning the cocktail is made how i said, and on the menù in that bar is written like i recalled. in the end the waiter apologized and changed my cocktail making a little joke saying this time it will be exactly like i was supposed to receive it and after that he offered us a round of free shots. i felt really bad while my friends started poking at me saying the next drink will contain spit and that probably the bartender was fired (which for the record he wasn't) but after that i felt really bad, i'm no gordon ramsey shitting on everything unless is perfect and was actually my first time sending something back, so in the end aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
all happened 2 days ago i was in this bar with a couple of friends for a drink night, we were given a table right in front of the bartender and since we do that a lot and i know my tastes when the menù arrives i didn't even bother looking at it knowing what cocktail i wanted, my friends took 2 spritz and a "japan iced tea" while i took an italian iced tea. this said while we were chatting i saw the bartender brewing mixing a couple of orange cocktail and a green one probably being the ones my friends took, but the last one was a bit odd, whenever i take the italian iced tea i expect the bartender to lenghten it with sprite but he was putting coca cola in my drink, at first i thought that this was for another table since spritz are common and a green cocktail could be anything, but the waiter came right to our table to give us the cocktail, a bit reluctant but i accept to drink the cocktail thinking i should know better next time and read the menù because every bar can make their own little twists on cocktails and could've put coca cola in it. second cocktail round came in and this time i checked the menù, and there was written sprite in there. maybe the bartender made a simple mistake, it happens but i do want that cocktail so i ordered again hoping that this time was right, the waiter takes the orders and the menù back and we kept chatting, i said joking to my friends that if there's coke again in my cocktail i'll send it back. ff to when the bartender was making our cocktails again and here it is, he is pouring coke in my drink, again, so when the waiter comes in i gently ask to change my cocktail since it is not properly done, so the waiter goes speaking to the bartender which replies that he does cocktails like they are written in the menù if i wanted my own twist i should've said it earlier. since i don't want to make too much of a scene i said that most probably i was wrong and didn't read the menù carefully enough (but i was 101% sure i read it carefully) so i said that i'll accept my cocktail like it is, if in the menù there's coke and not sprite, so i'll ask for another menù since the waiter took ours earlier when he took the orders to double check. and yes i was right from the beginning the cocktail is made how i said, and on the menù in that bar is written like i recalled. in the end the waiter apologized and changed my cocktail making a little joke saying this time it will be exactly like i was supposed to receive it and after that he offered us a round of free shots. i felt really bad while my friends started poking at me saying the next drink will contain spit and that probably the bartender was fired (which for the record he wasn't) but after that i felt really bad, i'm no gordon ramsey shitting on everything unless is perfect and was actually my first time sending something back, so in the end aita? [/INST] nta and bartender nta. friends are though for saying there would be spit in the drinks </s>
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AITA for telling off my bfs dad
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my bf (23)and i live together and my bf works for his dads business. my bf has weekends off also. on the weekends my bf is super bad at keeping his phone charged or near, because he’s not a big cell phone person.
his dad often calls or texts him on the weekend when he’s not on call, sometimes work related and sometimes not. if my bf doesn’t answer, his dad then texts or calls me cussing and telling me to tell him to charge his damn phone. this infuriates me to no end and i’ve told my bf he needs to address it. well last weekend on friday night i absolutely could not sleep until 7 in the morning, and my bf and i sleep in late on weekends anyways. around 11:30 the next morning i wake up to a call from his dad. i answer and he’s automatically telling me again to make my bf charge his damn phone for a reason not business related or urgent. . i then ask him “does your girlfriend call her adults children’s so’s when they don’t automatically call back? do you think this is normal behavior?” before he answers i say “it’s not even my business. i don’t care what you do with your kids. what i care about is i got no sleep last night,and until you pay a single one of my bills you won’t be calling me, cussing and waking me up on my weekend.” then hung up. everyone said i was being an asshole, and he just cusses thats how he talks. i told them my own parents don’t speak to me that way, a 60 year old man i rarely see sure won’t.
aita?
| 4,526 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kygu25/aita_for_telling_off_my_bfs_dad/
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2021-01-16 10:45:49
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nta you’re not your boyfriend’s nanny, since when is policing his phone battery your job? your boyfriend should have addressed this with his dad after the first or second time.
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nta.
your boyfriend's dad needs to learn that you're more likely to get what you want if you are considerate of others when you ask.
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let me get this straight, you have to accept being cussed out for something that is categorically bugger all to do with you but he is too sensitive to accept you giving him a firm but ultimately polite and factual response? that’s a whole new level of entitlement.
hard nta.
eta. block his number.
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nta i would have blocked his phone number after the first time and then acted dumb about why his calls aren’t getting through to you.
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nta. your boyfriend isn’t a child under your care and your boyfriend’s father needs to step the eff off with how he’s talking to you. whether he is frustrated with his son or not, you don’t lash out at others. he’s acting so disrespectful to you as a person and aside from that, the repeated calls are terribly inconsiderate. edit to add: also, your bf is a huge ah here. how hard is it to charge your damn phone, dude? and why would he continue to allow his father to speak to you this way? if you’ve addressed this disrespect with your bf before and he’s refused to have the needed conversation with his dad, then that’s a huge red flag for me. he’s refusing to do the bare minimum (charge his phone) and he’s refusing to solve your valid issue with his dad’s abusive screaming and yelling. he needs to grow up.
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nta. well done not falling into the gf = secretary trap!
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nta-you aren’t in charge of your boyfriend’s phone messages. it’s past time for him to stop treating you as if you are. dad needs to learn its on boyfriend to call him back not you.
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nta. because this is his personality, people just have to accept it? i would never have the nerve to do what you did but i couldn't imagine my in laws calling me like that. you stood your ground. you could have been nicer, sure, but a grown man should know better and any reaction he gets to this childish behavior seems fair to me.
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nta, you aren't responsible for your boyfriend's phone. he is a grown man who can charge his own phone. his father is so out of line, so rude and disrespectful. you are not your boyfriend's secretary. if his father called and politely asked for you to get your boyfriend that is acceptable cussing and yelling down the phone is just an appalling way to behave. you don't have to put up with it, block his number and don't apologise this guy needs to be taken down a peg. if you apologise he is gonna think he is right and its okay to speak to people in that manner. your boyfriend needs to tell his father that he owes you an apology and that he needs to treat you more respectfully. he may be used to his father behaving this way and maybe his family tip toes around him but do you really want to put up with this behaviour the rest of your life?
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nta, but there are technical solutions to this too - quiet hours, make it so his dad doesn't have a ringtone. if he continues to not respect you, would could try those options out
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my bf (23)and i live together and my bf works for his dads business. my bf has weekends off also. on the weekends my bf is super bad at keeping his phone charged or near, because he’s not a big cell phone person. his dad often calls or texts him on the weekend when he’s not on call, sometimes work related and sometimes not. if my bf doesn’t answer, his dad then texts or calls me cussing and telling me to tell him to charge his damn phone. this infuriates me to no end and i’ve told my bf he needs to address it. well last weekend on friday night i absolutely could not sleep until 7 in the morning, and my bf and i sleep in late on weekends anyways. around 11:30 the next morning i wake up to a call from his dad. i answer and he’s automatically telling me again to make my bf charge his damn phone for a reason not business related or urgent. . i then ask him “does your girlfriend call her adults children’s so’s when they don’t automatically call back? do you think this is normal behavior?” before he answers i say “it’s not even my business. i don’t care what you do with your kids. what i care about is i got no sleep last night,and until you pay a single one of my bills you won’t be calling me, cussing and waking me up on my weekend.” then hung up. everyone said i was being an asshole, and he just cusses thats how he talks. i told them my own parents don’t speak to me that way, a 60 year old man i rarely see sure won’t. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my bf (23)and i live together and my bf works for his dads business. my bf has weekends off also. on the weekends my bf is super bad at keeping his phone charged or near, because he’s not a big cell phone person. his dad often calls or texts him on the weekend when he’s not on call, sometimes work related and sometimes not. if my bf doesn’t answer, his dad then texts or calls me cussing and telling me to tell him to charge his damn phone. this infuriates me to no end and i’ve told my bf he needs to address it. well last weekend on friday night i absolutely could not sleep until 7 in the morning, and my bf and i sleep in late on weekends anyways. around 11:30 the next morning i wake up to a call from his dad. i answer and he’s automatically telling me again to make my bf charge his damn phone for a reason not business related or urgent. . i then ask him “does your girlfriend call her adults children’s so’s when they don’t automatically call back? do you think this is normal behavior?” before he answers i say “it’s not even my business. i don’t care what you do with your kids. what i care about is i got no sleep last night,and until you pay a single one of my bills you won’t be calling me, cussing and waking me up on my weekend.” then hung up. everyone said i was being an asshole, and he just cusses thats how he talks. i told them my own parents don’t speak to me that way, a 60 year old man i rarely see sure won’t. aita? [/INST] nta you’re not your boyfriend’s nanny, since when is policing his phone battery your job? your boyfriend should have addressed this with his dad after the first or second time. </s>
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AITA for telling my neighbour to get over it when I wake her baby up?
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my garage is about 3 metres away from my neighbour's bedroom where their baby sleeps. i've got a roller door which beeps quietly four times within 20 seconds of me arriving home and pushing the button. it's so quiet that at times i can't hear it when sitting in the room adjacent to the garage when my partner comes home.
since my neighbour had her baby, i've made an effort to be more considerate of noise. despite already sound proofing my rumpus room, i've stopped playing my drums after 6pm. i've also declined hosting friends outside in my backyard due to noise. i think i've been more than considerate, but apparently not.
i get home from work at 11pm and put my car in the garage. a couple weeks ago my neighbour approached me and asked if i could wait until the morning to put my car away, but i declined as there have been break ins to cars on our street lately. my car is also one that is targeted by thieves a lot as parts are expensive, and it's an enthusiasts car. i apologised but was firm when telling her that i will not, under any circumstances, leave my car out overnight. i also know that they sleep with their window open that faces my garage, but i thought it would be weird to bring it up and suggest they close the window. i'm also confused, as i have an after market exhaust on the car which is louder than the original but they have nothing to say about it.
a couple nights ago i came home to her husband's car blocking my driveway just enough that i couldn't get my car through. it was kind of useless because i pushed the button before i even reached my driveway, so it beeped anyway. they didn't come out so i had their car towed and they haven't done it since. today (saturday) i decided to play my drums around lunch time in my sound proofed rumpus room. you can only hear minimal vibration from the kick from the outside, but it's at the rear of my property and quite far away from any neighbours but they still had something to say. the wife came over and basically said she had put up with my noise for long enough and that she was exhausted due to the kid never sleeping thanks to the noise i make.
i was definitely still miffed about the driveway blocking situation from the other night and snapped a little, telling her that i'd been considerate enough and already made concessions in terms of noise. i said that while it's within my right to play music up until 10pm in our council, i've cut myself off at 6pm in consideration of her and her kid. i said that from now on she'll have to get over it because i was done catering to her and her family.
| 16,476 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uk5vke/aita_for_telling_my_neighbour_to_get_over_it_when/
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2022-05-07 04:54:36
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nta. it sounds like you’ve been very reasonable and you’re allowed to live your life. they chose to have the baby. surely they knew things might wake it up?
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nta.
not that it's a good excuse but she probably is exhausted and this is one of those "need something to blame" kind of things. she is probably fixated on you and your "noise" because it's something that's right next door and something she can directly "attack" in a manner of speaking.
it sounds as if she's unlucky enough to have one of those babies that just doesn't sleep much, or well. that's not your fault though.
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nta lunchtime is a completely reasonable time and u are within ur rights to park ur car in ur garage
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nta. i’ve been the mum with a baby that wakes up at everything - neighbour mowing lawn, kids playing ball in their backyards, all of that. and although it’s natural to have a moment of thinking “oh for fucks sake”, you can’t control an entire neighbourhood to cater to one baby. and there are a lot of tricks they can try if the baby is a light sleeper which are easy to find in the internet. you’ve been a very considerate neighbour but they are taking the piss
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nta. honestly...parents who don't teach their newborns to sleep with loud noise on from the beginning just want to make a tiff about every little sound. it is not everyone's job to be accommodating to the growing family (up to a certain point). the best advice i've gotten when i started my family is once you bring a newborn home, make it as noisy as possible so they learn to sleep through anything. it works. now granted some babies can be more sensitive to sounds which is understandable but other times it's just the parents attitude towards others that just makes the whole thing unpleasant.
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mom to 8 month old. you said the noise is very quiet. i’d be more than willing to bet her walls dampen it so much it’s either very quiet or not heard at all. it’s probs your lights waking the baby, not the noise. she can’t reasonably ask you not to use your headlights at 11 pm. she needs to put up black out curtains or something over the window. if it is the noise, a simple white noise machine would cover that sound. my baby doesn’t even wake to my dogs barking indoors when i use white noise. moral of the story is, *she* needs to do something. not you. nta.
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nta. but i would suggest that you start living your life again dude. have people over. play your drums during the allowed hours. park your car in the garage.. and talk to her husband. she’s probably sleep deprived af and she’s blaming you because she needs a scapegoat. suggest a white noise machine because babies that aren’t taught to sleep through a bunch of noise are really hard to live with. if she comes to you again, calmly ask her what she’s going to do if she has a second baby? will she be telling her firstborn to be quiet as a whistle? (no she won’t because that’s impossible).
she’s being extremely unreasonable. good luck
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nta. a garage door opening and closing is something that is part of normal life and she just needs to get over it and deal with it. it's not even that loud.
lunch time and even early evening are perfectly reasonable times to play drums in a sound dampened room. if you can get the decibel level tested outside when you play your drums just to make sure it's not louder than you think.
i had a neighbor once that complained about the sound of someone walking by with grocery bags, not even talking. such a fun neighbor that one.
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nta. my brother and sil invested in a white noise machine for their newborn instead of chasing neighbors down expecting them to accommodate to their new baby.
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nta you made more concessions than most people would and i believe children need to learn to sleep through moderate noise
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my garage is about 3 metres away from my neighbour's bedroom where their baby sleeps. i've got a roller door which beeps quietly four times within 20 seconds of me arriving home and pushing the button. it's so quiet that at times i can't hear it when sitting in the room adjacent to the garage when my partner comes home. since my neighbour had her baby, i've made an effort to be more considerate of noise. despite already sound proofing my rumpus room, i've stopped playing my drums after 6pm. i've also declined hosting friends outside in my backyard due to noise. i think i've been more than considerate, but apparently not. i get home from work at 11pm and put my car in the garage. a couple weeks ago my neighbour approached me and asked if i could wait until the morning to put my car away, but i declined as there have been break ins to cars on our street lately. my car is also one that is targeted by thieves a lot as parts are expensive, and it's an enthusiasts car. i apologised but was firm when telling her that i will not, under any circumstances, leave my car out overnight. i also know that they sleep with their window open that faces my garage, but i thought it would be weird to bring it up and suggest they close the window. i'm also confused, as i have an after market exhaust on the car which is louder than the original but they have nothing to say about it. a couple nights ago i came home to her husband's car blocking my driveway just enough that i couldn't get my car through. it was kind of useless because i pushed the button before i even reached my driveway, so it beeped anyway. they didn't come out so i had their car towed and they haven't done it since. today (saturday) i decided to play my drums around lunch time in my sound proofed rumpus room. you can only hear minimal vibration from the kick from the outside, but it's at the rear of my property and quite far away from any neighbours but they still had something to say. the wife came over and basically said she had put up with my noise for long enough and that she was exhausted due to the kid never sleeping thanks to the noise i make. i was definitely still miffed about the driveway blocking situation from the other night and snapped a little, telling her that i'd been considerate enough and already made concessions in terms of noise. i said that while it's within my right to play music up until 10pm in our council, i've cut myself off at 6pm in consideration of her and her kid. i said that from now on she'll have to get over it because i was done catering to her and her family.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my garage is about 3 metres away from my neighbour's bedroom where their baby sleeps. i've got a roller door which beeps quietly four times within 20 seconds of me arriving home and pushing the button. it's so quiet that at times i can't hear it when sitting in the room adjacent to the garage when my partner comes home. since my neighbour had her baby, i've made an effort to be more considerate of noise. despite already sound proofing my rumpus room, i've stopped playing my drums after 6pm. i've also declined hosting friends outside in my backyard due to noise. i think i've been more than considerate, but apparently not. i get home from work at 11pm and put my car in the garage. a couple weeks ago my neighbour approached me and asked if i could wait until the morning to put my car away, but i declined as there have been break ins to cars on our street lately. my car is also one that is targeted by thieves a lot as parts are expensive, and it's an enthusiasts car. i apologised but was firm when telling her that i will not, under any circumstances, leave my car out overnight. i also know that they sleep with their window open that faces my garage, but i thought it would be weird to bring it up and suggest they close the window. i'm also confused, as i have an after market exhaust on the car which is louder than the original but they have nothing to say about it. a couple nights ago i came home to her husband's car blocking my driveway just enough that i couldn't get my car through. it was kind of useless because i pushed the button before i even reached my driveway, so it beeped anyway. they didn't come out so i had their car towed and they haven't done it since. today (saturday) i decided to play my drums around lunch time in my sound proofed rumpus room. you can only hear minimal vibration from the kick from the outside, but it's at the rear of my property and quite far away from any neighbours but they still had something to say. the wife came over and basically said she had put up with my noise for long enough and that she was exhausted due to the kid never sleeping thanks to the noise i make. i was definitely still miffed about the driveway blocking situation from the other night and snapped a little, telling her that i'd been considerate enough and already made concessions in terms of noise. i said that while it's within my right to play music up until 10pm in our council, i've cut myself off at 6pm in consideration of her and her kid. i said that from now on she'll have to get over it because i was done catering to her and her family. [/INST] nta. it sounds like you’ve been very reasonable and you’re allowed to live your life. they chose to have the baby. surely they knew things might wake it up? </s>
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AITA for not siding with my sister over how she wants her roommates to split rent?
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my (25f) sister (21f) is moving into a rented house with two friends and her girlfriend in the summer. it's a three-bedroom house and she and her girlfriend are going to be sharing a room.
the argument started when she messaged our groupchat asking how me and my ex split rent with our roommates back when i was in a similar setup. i told her that we paid half for our room that was priced a bit higher than the other rooms because there were two people living in it. it's hard to explain exactly how the pay was split, but let's say it was 40(me and my ex)/30/30.
my sister is convinced the rooms should be split up three different ways because one room is one room no matter how many people, but her roommates want to split rent four ways so everyone pays the same amount. i think both options are unfair. and her girlfriend is really tight on money so she's pushing to try and pay less than $300/month. they eventually reached an agreement where my sister and her girlfriend pay $100 more a month for rent, which is $50 each. i think that's a perfect compromise.
i've stated my opinion but my sister won't stop complaining about how unfair her roommates are being. she claims that the number of people shouldn't matter, only the number of rooms, and that her roommates are paying the rent with student loans so they shouldn't be worried about how much it costs. i keep reminding her that living with a couple is challenging and most people wouldn't pay the same amount to live with 4 people as they would with 3. also, *my parents give her an allowance* and pay for her rent and tuition when needed! her gf's parents also give her money for rent. it's not as much as the loans the roommates get, but their attitude about their financial situation is, imo, starting to become manipulative.
the past two days she and her gf brought this up and asked my opinion again while we were driving around, and then yesterday she convinced her other friend we were with that her roommates were being unfair. she's not letting this go and i'm not trying to see things her way. she's becoming more and more upset with me and was passive-aggressive all last night.
i think i might be an asshole because i really do believe that she's not being fair to her roommates and refuse to act like she's right even in front of her girlfriend and friends.
| 525 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n94mnp/aita_for_not_siding_with_my_sister_over_how_she/
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2021-05-10 13:37:25
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nta. she asked for your opinion and you gave it.
for what it's worth when i rented a house with friends when i was in my early twenties we split rent by room, but utilities by person. everybody was satisfied with that arrangement.
that doesn't help if utilities are included in the rent price though.
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nta - don't even think of giving in!
two people sharing a room has a big impact on other people in the house - another person using shared spaces like the kitchen, living room and bathroom. no way should the rent be split equally by room.
she might need to check that what she's doing is permitted. in the uk there are often limits on how many people can occupy a rented house - i rent out a five bedroom house and the licence states that there can only be one occupier for each room.
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nta. your sister won't let it go and she keeps getting upset that you don't agree with her. so stop disagreeing with her by never discussing the subject again. she brings it up, you say 'i'm tired of talking about this. if you want to live with these people, this is what you have to do. if you want to do something else, you'll need to find other people to do it with. end of.'
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nta. one room is one room, but there are still two people using the common areas, water, electricity, etc.
i’ve seen multiple situations where the split is somewhere between per room and per person.
but your sister is just trying to badger you into agreeing, all you can really do is refuse to discuss it anymore.
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i'm sorry i didn't even read the whole thing, i got as far as your sister complaining about $50 extra each they've to pay and she's giving out?
they do realise rent covers more than just the bedroom, it's all the utilities involved with living in a house so regardless of what the deal is if somebody pays a little bit more or less doesn't matter but if she thinks that is should be evenly split per room, she's dreaming.
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nta
they are trying to make things difficult by pulling you back in. if they’ve agreed to something then they need to figure it out. this is all a part of being an adult - negotiation and compromise.
that being said i’d make the ones with a master bedroom and bathroom pay more than the single bedrooms without connected bathrooms. i can see this situation play out if they all share the same bedroom size, relatively, and have to shared bathrooms.
also, $300 a month? geez, how much is rent in your area? you couldn’t rent a storage space for that price out here.
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nta - you aren’t just paying for a room, you’re paying for common spaces too.
my formula for this type of setup is this: take the midpoint between an even split by rooms (adjusted for square footage if desired) and an even split by number of people. so for three equally sized rooms, one shared and two single rooms, and a total household rent of 1000, those singles pay $291 each, and those sharing pay $209 each. then split utilities evenly.
easy peasy.
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nta. they’re thinking about just the room. the bedroom is just one faction of what rent covers. if utilities are separate from the rent, they also need to factor themselves in as 2 people, no one likes that couple that goes out with you and wants the check to be split in 1/2 instead of 1/3.
rent also pays for access to the kitchen, the bathrooms, the fridge/freezer space, use of common rooms.
no one wants to add another roommate and further divide space, time and resources if they’re not contributing their fair share. you may as well just find a single person to replace that couple!
and you’re right, living with couples does add an extra challenge sometimes. sometimes they wanna cook alone, or have the living room/dining room/entire place to themselves for couple time, they can quite easily change the atmosphere and make others uncomfortable when their relationship gets very good or very bad.
i didnt mind eclipsing from the apartment for an evening so a couple could have their alone time. but if your sister and her gf only want to pay rent per room and nothing more, and keeps going on about unfairness, i wouldn’t be making any compromises for them, and she could create a really hostile environment for herself if she doesn’t cool her jets and get some perspective.
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nta. the best answer is "i've already given you my opinion and nothing has changed". don't engage or get into a new discussion. she's going to keep at it until you give her the answer she wants.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (25f) sister (21f) is moving into a rented house with two friends and her girlfriend in the summer. it's a three-bedroom house and she and her girlfriend are going to be sharing a room. the argument started when she messaged our groupchat asking how me and my ex split rent with our roommates back when i was in a similar setup. i told her that we paid half for our room that was priced a bit higher than the other rooms because there were two people living in it. it's hard to explain exactly how the pay was split, but let's say it was 40(me and my ex)/30/30. my sister is convinced the rooms should be split up three different ways because one room is one room no matter how many people, but her roommates want to split rent four ways so everyone pays the same amount. i think both options are unfair. and her girlfriend is really tight on money so she's pushing to try and pay less than $300/month. they eventually reached an agreement where my sister and her girlfriend pay $100 more a month for rent, which is $50 each. i think that's a perfect compromise. i've stated my opinion but my sister won't stop complaining about how unfair her roommates are being. she claims that the number of people shouldn't matter, only the number of rooms, and that her roommates are paying the rent with student loans so they shouldn't be worried about how much it costs. i keep reminding her that living with a couple is challenging and most people wouldn't pay the same amount to live with 4 people as they would with 3. also, *my parents give her an allowance* and pay for her rent and tuition when needed! her gf's parents also give her money for rent. it's not as much as the loans the roommates get, but their attitude about their financial situation is, imo, starting to become manipulative. the past two days she and her gf brought this up and asked my opinion again while we were driving around, and then yesterday she convinced her other friend we were with that her roommates were being unfair. she's not letting this go and i'm not trying to see things her way. she's becoming more and more upset with me and was passive-aggressive all last night. i think i might be an asshole because i really do believe that she's not being fair to her roommates and refuse to act like she's right even in front of her girlfriend and friends.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (25f) sister (21f) is moving into a rented house with two friends and her girlfriend in the summer. it's a three-bedroom house and she and her girlfriend are going to be sharing a room. the argument started when she messaged our groupchat asking how me and my ex split rent with our roommates back when i was in a similar setup. i told her that we paid half for our room that was priced a bit higher than the other rooms because there were two people living in it. it's hard to explain exactly how the pay was split, but let's say it was 40(me and my ex)/30/30. my sister is convinced the rooms should be split up three different ways because one room is one room no matter how many people, but her roommates want to split rent four ways so everyone pays the same amount. i think both options are unfair. and her girlfriend is really tight on money so she's pushing to try and pay less than $300/month. they eventually reached an agreement where my sister and her girlfriend pay $100 more a month for rent, which is $50 each. i think that's a perfect compromise. i've stated my opinion but my sister won't stop complaining about how unfair her roommates are being. she claims that the number of people shouldn't matter, only the number of rooms, and that her roommates are paying the rent with student loans so they shouldn't be worried about how much it costs. i keep reminding her that living with a couple is challenging and most people wouldn't pay the same amount to live with 4 people as they would with 3. also, *my parents give her an allowance* and pay for her rent and tuition when needed! her gf's parents also give her money for rent. it's not as much as the loans the roommates get, but their attitude about their financial situation is, imo, starting to become manipulative. the past two days she and her gf brought this up and asked my opinion again while we were driving around, and then yesterday she convinced her other friend we were with that her roommates were being unfair. she's not letting this go and i'm not trying to see things her way. she's becoming more and more upset with me and was passive-aggressive all last night. i think i might be an asshole because i really do believe that she's not being fair to her roommates and refuse to act like she's right even in front of her girlfriend and friends. [/INST] nta. she asked for your opinion and you gave it. for what it's worth when i rented a house with friends when i was in my early twenties we split rent by room, but utilities by person. everybody was satisfied with that arrangement. that doesn't help if utilities are included in the rent price though. </s>
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AITA For Wanting The Wife To Stay At Home Instead Of Going to Work?
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today, my wife called me and told me that her boss wants her to work from midnight to 8 o’clock in the morning to bake at dunkin’ donuts because the baker that was supposed to come in, called out last minute. she wanted to take it so that she could go to church tomorrow morning and not hear it from her grandma that she missed church.
i told her that i didn’t think it was it was a great idea to be working during that time of night especially at night where she was alone and the area is through an isolated part of the city. and she’s already told me that there are suspicious activities there from time to time, even during the day.
she ultimately told her boss that she couldn’t come but is now upset at me for not letting her go and now she won’t speak to me at all. i just want to know, was this a wrong idea or am i an asshole for not letting her cover the shift?
| 201 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ohwn10/aita_for_wanting_the_wife_to_stay_at_home_instead/
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2021-07-11 03:06:07
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yta, come on dude, seriously? this isn't 1927. your wife isn't a little girl who needs to have her decisions made for her. your wife is your equal, and you should be treating her as such. you need to learn how to respect and support her decisions. she doesn't need you permission to make work related decisions. i hope you change you mentality, it's so last century.
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yta - your wife is an autonomous adult and capable of making her own decisions
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>i told her that i didn’t think it was it was a great idea to be working during that time of night
and
>not letting her go
these two seem to be a bit contradictory. one is forcing her/pestering her till she agrees not to go, the other is sharing your opinion in a calm manner but letting her make the final decision
info - which one is more accurate?
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yta. she's an adult, you don't get to veto her choices.
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yta. why do you even think you have the deciding voice to ‘let her’ do anything?? she is an adult and can make her own decisions. if anything she should have just being calling to let you that she would be working the night shift.
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info: did you explain your feelings and ask her not to go or did you *tell* her not to go?
also, anyone else surprised that someone bakes the donuts at dd? i always assumed they came in from a factory...
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yta and controlling
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esh. why would words like 'letting' come into a conversation between adults????
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yta. your wife is an adult who can make her own choices, and you are being super controlling. you bullied your wife into doing what you want, and now you’re surprised she isn’t speaking to you.
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~~esh.~~
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
| 0.036 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: today, my wife called me and told me that her boss wants her to work from midnight to 8 o’clock in the morning to bake at dunkin’ donuts because the baker that was supposed to come in, called out last minute. she wanted to take it so that she could go to church tomorrow morning and not hear it from her grandma that she missed church. i told her that i didn’t think it was it was a great idea to be working during that time of night especially at night where she was alone and the area is through an isolated part of the city. and she’s already told me that there are suspicious activities there from time to time, even during the day. she ultimately told her boss that she couldn’t come but is now upset at me for not letting her go and now she won’t speak to me at all. i just want to know, was this a wrong idea or am i an asshole for not letting her cover the shift?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
today, my wife called me and told me that her boss wants her to work from midnight to 8 o’clock in the morning to bake at dunkin’ donuts because the baker that was supposed to come in, called out last minute. she wanted to take it so that she could go to church tomorrow morning and not hear it from her grandma that she missed church. i told her that i didn’t think it was it was a great idea to be working during that time of night especially at night where she was alone and the area is through an isolated part of the city. and she’s already told me that there are suspicious activities there from time to time, even during the day. she ultimately told her boss that she couldn’t come but is now upset at me for not letting her go and now she won’t speak to me at all. i just want to know, was this a wrong idea or am i an asshole for not letting her cover the shift? [/INST] yta, come on dude, seriously? this isn't 1927. your wife isn't a little girl who needs to have her decisions made for her. your wife is your equal, and you should be treating her as such. you need to learn how to respect and support her decisions. she doesn't need you permission to make work related decisions. i hope you change you mentality, it's so last century. </s>
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AITA for telling my brother that he’s lucky that his wife can cook?
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i didn’t think that this was a big deal, but my wife is still angry about it, so i’m wondering if i’m an asshole for this.
my wife typically goes for a run around the time i get off of work, so she’s usually not home when i get there.
on this particular day i facetimed my brother when i got home, just to chat with him and his wife. he’s been with his wife since middle school, we’re all close. he got around to describing what they were having for dinner, and i got a bit envious.
i was like, “man, you’re so lucky your wife can cook.” and my brothers wife in the background says “well i don’t have the palate of a two year old” kinda ribbing my wife who refuses to eat/cook any vegetables other than carrots.
we all laughed a bit and i opened up about how i’m afraid that our future kids will be like “why doesn’t mommy have to eat vegetables?!” while i’m yelling at them to eat their peas. they just kind of consoled me and we went our separate ways.
as you may have guessed, my wife sat in our half bathroom and eavesdropped on the entire conversation. she was pretty irate when she came out and confronted me about what i said. i tried to tell her that it was just a conversation i was having with my brother, i was venting and it wasn’t a big deal.
she continued to press the issue and say that i was jealous of my brother and wanted his wife. i told her that that wasn’t true, and that i was just saying that his wife was a better cook. that made her more mad, and she called me unappreciative and lazy about her cooking. i explained to her that i cook several nights a week because if i wanted to eat any vegetables at all i would have to, and told her that i agreed that she has the palate of a two year old and the attitude of one too.
we got into a bigger argument, and didn’t talk for the rest of the evening. i tried to apologize this morning, and she wasn’t receptive. she is still angry at me now, and i’m wondering if that little conversation with my brother and his wife was such a big deal. aita for saying that my brother’s wife is a better cook than her?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/giiify/aita_for_telling_my_brother_that_hes_lucky_that/
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2020-05-12 19:32:00
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yta lol you really don't think insulting/bitching about your wife then saying it's not a big deal doesn't make you an asshole?
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yta. if your sil feels comfortable making jabs at your wife, then you’re doing something wrong. it’s not your wife’s “duty” to cook and since you’re cooking for yourself anyway, what she eats isn’t impacting you anyway. when the time comes to get your kids to eat veggies when their mother doesn’t, you will find a way by discussing the issue between the two of you.
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yta. would you be cool if she "vents" to her friends about how she wishes you were better in bed? or good with tools? or cleaned the house? if you have a problem with the cooking arrangement, talk to her instead of shit talking to your brother and comparing her to his wife. yikes, bro
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yta
you made fun of your wife behind her back, at least you thought so. how would you feel if you caught her on the phone saying something about you that she hasn’t said to you? it’s incredibly hurtful.
you’re supposed to be there for your partner. to stand up for them. all you did was show her that you talk negatively about her behind her back. she has no clue what else you’ve said.
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yta. it hurt her feelings to hear you laughing about her behind her back and implying comparison to another woman.
you are married. you must love each other and want the other to be happy, right? then apologize for making her feel bad. you are on the same team here.
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yta. we all vent a little about our sos, but you weren't venting, you were all making fun of her and insulting her cooking abilities because you thought she couldn't hear you. and then you doubled down and told her to her face that your sil was a better cook and that she has the palate, and attitude of a toddler.
look, not everyone is a natural chef. it sounds like she does indeed cook meals for you two, so what's worth insulting her over? lack of veggies? are you incapable of throwing together a salad to go with whatever she makes?
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yta- this isn't about saying your brother is lucky his wife can cook. this is about the way you spoke about her and allowed them to speak about her. she's your partner and not your cook. if you don't like how she cooks, do it yourself. you are a grown ass adult
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>i made fun of my wife behind her back
>when her feelings got hurt, i said she was acting like a toddler
>i then continued to blame her for existing within earshot of me, because it's her responsibility to go away when i talk, and not my responsibility to be a nice person who is considerate to his wife
>i clearly don't care about my wife's feelings at all and would rather her bottle them up than ever have to be responsible for hurting them
>also, this other woman is better than her and i will give her a bunch of compliments while insulting my wife and saying i wish my wife was like her
>i don't see how i did anything wrong, i'm such a nice guy. also, my wife is a stupid toddler who sucks. but i'm so nice. the nicest guy out there.
this is what you sound like. yta.
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yta. you insulted her cooking and her personally, both to her face and behind her back when you thought she couldn't hear. and you don't think you're the asshole somehow??
also, poooor baby cooking for your damn self a few nights a week. the horror!
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yta
the way you described that conversation happening gives me the impression that this has been a bit of a standing joke between you, your brother, and his wife for some time. this is something you’ve all agreed upon together. my boyfriend and i jab at his sil occasionally, but i would *never* say those things in front of his brother. ever. and i would never participate in a conversation with the two of them that involved jabbing at her (but they wouldn’t do that, because they aren’t assholes).
you literally told your wife that your sil is a better cook than her. come on man, you don’t say that, that’s rule #1. you also agreed that she had the palette and attitude of a toddler? brroooooo of course she’s mad! lmao
and maybe she doesn’t love vegetables? so the fuck what? my boyfriend doesn’t love vegetables either. he makes steak/ribs/carbs. bakes bread for days. baked goods, everything. he’s a wonderful cook. does not cook vegetables, has never been terribly interested in figuring out what’s good with what. i make vegetables, and i’ve made a bunch of kinda weird stuff vegetable-wise that he’s tried and *loved*. maybe you’re not good at cooking vegetables either if you’ve never managed to make any of them in a way that she likes.
dm me if you want some interesting vegetable recipes to make for your wife that she may end up enjoying.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i didn’t think that this was a big deal, but my wife is still angry about it, so i’m wondering if i’m an asshole for this. my wife typically goes for a run around the time i get off of work, so she’s usually not home when i get there. on this particular day i facetimed my brother when i got home, just to chat with him and his wife. he’s been with his wife since middle school, we’re all close. he got around to describing what they were having for dinner, and i got a bit envious. i was like, “man, you’re so lucky your wife can cook.” and my brothers wife in the background says “well i don’t have the palate of a two year old” kinda ribbing my wife who refuses to eat/cook any vegetables other than carrots. we all laughed a bit and i opened up about how i’m afraid that our future kids will be like “why doesn’t mommy have to eat vegetables?!” while i’m yelling at them to eat their peas. they just kind of consoled me and we went our separate ways. as you may have guessed, my wife sat in our half bathroom and eavesdropped on the entire conversation. she was pretty irate when she came out and confronted me about what i said. i tried to tell her that it was just a conversation i was having with my brother, i was venting and it wasn’t a big deal. she continued to press the issue and say that i was jealous of my brother and wanted his wife. i told her that that wasn’t true, and that i was just saying that his wife was a better cook. that made her more mad, and she called me unappreciative and lazy about her cooking. i explained to her that i cook several nights a week because if i wanted to eat any vegetables at all i would have to, and told her that i agreed that she has the palate of a two year old and the attitude of one too. we got into a bigger argument, and didn’t talk for the rest of the evening. i tried to apologize this morning, and she wasn’t receptive. she is still angry at me now, and i’m wondering if that little conversation with my brother and his wife was such a big deal. aita for saying that my brother’s wife is a better cook than her?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i didn’t think that this was a big deal, but my wife is still angry about it, so i’m wondering if i’m an asshole for this. my wife typically goes for a run around the time i get off of work, so she’s usually not home when i get there. on this particular day i facetimed my brother when i got home, just to chat with him and his wife. he’s been with his wife since middle school, we’re all close. he got around to describing what they were having for dinner, and i got a bit envious. i was like, “man, you’re so lucky your wife can cook.” and my brothers wife in the background says “well i don’t have the palate of a two year old” kinda ribbing my wife who refuses to eat/cook any vegetables other than carrots. we all laughed a bit and i opened up about how i’m afraid that our future kids will be like “why doesn’t mommy have to eat vegetables?!” while i’m yelling at them to eat their peas. they just kind of consoled me and we went our separate ways. as you may have guessed, my wife sat in our half bathroom and eavesdropped on the entire conversation. she was pretty irate when she came out and confronted me about what i said. i tried to tell her that it was just a conversation i was having with my brother, i was venting and it wasn’t a big deal. she continued to press the issue and say that i was jealous of my brother and wanted his wife. i told her that that wasn’t true, and that i was just saying that his wife was a better cook. that made her more mad, and she called me unappreciative and lazy about her cooking. i explained to her that i cook several nights a week because if i wanted to eat any vegetables at all i would have to, and told her that i agreed that she has the palate of a two year old and the attitude of one too. we got into a bigger argument, and didn’t talk for the rest of the evening. i tried to apologize this morning, and she wasn’t receptive. she is still angry at me now, and i’m wondering if that little conversation with my brother and his wife was such a big deal. aita for saying that my brother’s wife is a better cook than her? [/INST] yta lol you really don't think insulting/bitching about your wife then saying it's not a big deal doesn't make you an asshole? </s>
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AITA for refusing to let my mom visit me in inpatient treatment?
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background information: i (23 f) was diagnosed with anorexia, anxiety and ptsd in 2019 at the age of 19 and was promptly admitted to an inpatient treatment center for people with eating disorders and spent 2 months at this stage of treatment. i had undiagnosed anorexia since i was in kindergarten due to being in the modeling industry since the age of 3, and undiagnosed ptsd since the age of 16 for similar reasons.
my mom and i don’t have the best relationship because she refused to acknowledge my mental health issues and we lived in different states at the time. my mom, dad, and brother went to visit my grandparents on thanksgiving while i was in treatment and they were less than an hour away from the facility where i was at.
this is where i think i may have been the ah.
i told my dad and brother they could come visit me during visiting hours while they were close by but i told my mom she could not come (with help and support from my therapist). she was so upset that she told my dad and brother they were not aloud to go unless i let her come too.
long story short: i told my mom she would not be aloud in the building and then blocked her from my phone (which i only got for two hours a day). my dad and brother visited me two times.
i left her number blocked and told my dad that i refused to talk to her unless she got therapy for herself.
it’s 3 years later and my mom and my relationship is okay. but she still makes slide remarks about how the length of time i wasn’t talking to her was the most depressed she had ever been and how thanksgiving is such a hard time for her. this happens at least once a month and it feels like she’s trying to guilt me into feeling bad for her when i was at my absolute worst.
aita for refusing to let her visit me in treatment, not feeling bad for her, and wishing i could go back to no contact?
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mjzn2h/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_mom_visit_me_in/
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2021-04-04 16:34:56
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nta - she was a triggering person to be around and your therapist agreed. she’s in the wrong for being consistently mean to you. especially since then you’ve gotten closer to her. also, shouldn’t that time of year be worst for you since ya know your mental health was severe enough to be an inpatient at a facility.
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nta. you are allowed say “why are you bringing this up?” and then just look her in the eye for a moment. if she presses it you can say “my relationship with you was bad for my mental health. i will always cut people out if they are a bad part of my life.” don’t over-talk about it, just stay simple and firm. good luck!
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nta. your mom is a huge gaping asshole. your recovery and well being is your priority. when she starts to guilt you leave. she will figure it out eventually. i am proud of you for getting the help you need.
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nta! from my personal experience, she’s probably never gonna stop talking about it but your mental health is more important than her personal comfort. and if she doesn’t stop talking about it and making you feel guilty, you’d be perfectly well within your rights to block her again and tell her that you won’t talk to her till she gets some therapy. you are not wrong, no matter what she tells you about it.
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nta. tell her if she brings the subject up again she'll find out nc feels at (insert present time of year). and then tell her to talk to her therapist about it.
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nta. you gotta do what you feel is best especially at such a vulnerable time in your life. if she truly cared about you she would not have made a fuss and would not be making comments now, years later.
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nta at all. you had a serious, potentially dangerous illness, and needed to help yourself heal. your therapist understood that, which is why your therapist supported you and helped you.
your mother is being extremely self-centered and immature. i speak from firsthand experience. my own adult son has ptsd and other issues, and from time to time, needs to take a break from me as a sort of 'reset.' i mean, he tells me and gives me the heads up so i don't worry about him, and though i'm not the cause of the ptsd, i can see it helps him and it works.
i 100% support this. he has to do whatever it is that will make him feel better. as his mother, i love him and want him to be whole and healthy and happy with his life. your own mother was unfortunately more concerned about her own childishly hurt feelings - which were never about her per se anyway - and even now can't let go. she's just making it worse. i'm sorry you're going through this.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: background information: i (23 f) was diagnosed with anorexia, anxiety and ptsd in 2019 at the age of 19 and was promptly admitted to an inpatient treatment center for people with eating disorders and spent 2 months at this stage of treatment. i had undiagnosed anorexia since i was in kindergarten due to being in the modeling industry since the age of 3, and undiagnosed ptsd since the age of 16 for similar reasons. my mom and i don’t have the best relationship because she refused to acknowledge my mental health issues and we lived in different states at the time. my mom, dad, and brother went to visit my grandparents on thanksgiving while i was in treatment and they were less than an hour away from the facility where i was at. this is where i think i may have been the ah. i told my dad and brother they could come visit me during visiting hours while they were close by but i told my mom she could not come (with help and support from my therapist). she was so upset that she told my dad and brother they were not aloud to go unless i let her come too. long story short: i told my mom she would not be aloud in the building and then blocked her from my phone (which i only got for two hours a day). my dad and brother visited me two times. i left her number blocked and told my dad that i refused to talk to her unless she got therapy for herself. it’s 3 years later and my mom and my relationship is okay. but she still makes slide remarks about how the length of time i wasn’t talking to her was the most depressed she had ever been and how thanksgiving is such a hard time for her. this happens at least once a month and it feels like she’s trying to guilt me into feeling bad for her when i was at my absolute worst. aita for refusing to let her visit me in treatment, not feeling bad for her, and wishing i could go back to no contact?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
background information: i (23 f) was diagnosed with anorexia, anxiety and ptsd in 2019 at the age of 19 and was promptly admitted to an inpatient treatment center for people with eating disorders and spent 2 months at this stage of treatment. i had undiagnosed anorexia since i was in kindergarten due to being in the modeling industry since the age of 3, and undiagnosed ptsd since the age of 16 for similar reasons. my mom and i don’t have the best relationship because she refused to acknowledge my mental health issues and we lived in different states at the time. my mom, dad, and brother went to visit my grandparents on thanksgiving while i was in treatment and they were less than an hour away from the facility where i was at. this is where i think i may have been the ah. i told my dad and brother they could come visit me during visiting hours while they were close by but i told my mom she could not come (with help and support from my therapist). she was so upset that she told my dad and brother they were not aloud to go unless i let her come too. long story short: i told my mom she would not be aloud in the building and then blocked her from my phone (which i only got for two hours a day). my dad and brother visited me two times. i left her number blocked and told my dad that i refused to talk to her unless she got therapy for herself. it’s 3 years later and my mom and my relationship is okay. but she still makes slide remarks about how the length of time i wasn’t talking to her was the most depressed she had ever been and how thanksgiving is such a hard time for her. this happens at least once a month and it feels like she’s trying to guilt me into feeling bad for her when i was at my absolute worst. aita for refusing to let her visit me in treatment, not feeling bad for her, and wishing i could go back to no contact? [/INST] nta - she was a triggering person to be around and your therapist agreed. she’s in the wrong for being consistently mean to you. especially since then you’ve gotten closer to her. also, shouldn’t that time of year be worst for you since ya know your mental health was severe enough to be an inpatient at a facility. </s>
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