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AITA for using my husband's savings to re-purchase the bike that he took from our daughter?
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my daughter recieved a bike from her uncle (my brother) on her 11th birthday, she was over the moon and excited to use it because it was on her wishlist for so long.
days ago, i discovered that my husband reached out to my brother to ask for the recipient for the bike and returned it to the store and kept the money for himself while my daughter was at school (the bike was at home). my daughter and i got home and she started crying after noticing the bike was gone. my husband was home at the time, he told me he returned the bike and got money in return to spend on something useful for us since the bike was just there as a "distraction" and there was no need for it now since we're the dead of winter. i was aggravated and lost it on him saying it wasn't his, didn't come from him, and he didn't pay for it so he had no right to touch it especially knowing our daughter's been wanting it for a long time and my brother was decent enough to buy it for her despite barely having money to get him by. i told him what he did was theft and insisted he hand over the money to me so i could re-purchase it but he said he spent it on stuff for the house and doesn't have any money left now but i knew about the money he was stashing away in the bedroom that he forbade me from toucing and i took some of it and went out to re-purchase the bike while he was out the next day.
he found out and verbally lashed out at me saying i should've never touched the money he was saving for himself which isn't much but i lashed right back that i had to so i could re-purchase the bike he took from under our daughter. he explained that he didn't keep the money for himself and instead spent it for necessities for our home but he was at fault for taking the bike in the first place and he was responsible for getting it back. he yelled at me for almost 10 minutes then stormed outside and started smoking.
my daughter asked why her dad was upset and that she no longer wants the bike if dad doesn't want her to have it, but i assured her that's not the case and told her she shouldn't feel guilty and to just focus on enjoying her bike.
my husband hasn't stopped grilling me about how i disrespected and undermined him and managed to make our daughter hate him after making him look like the bad guy, i again said he shouldn't have touched the bike, end of the story/// he's called me theif and juvenile for taking money from his savings and being sneaky about it.
aita for the way i got the bike back?
| 22,580 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rxcj7m/aita_for_using_my_husbands_savings_to_repurchase/
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2022-01-06 11:35:37
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nta. your husband stole your daughter’s gift and you made it right. and he’s hiding money you aren’t allowed to touch? he sounds incredibly awful and controlling.
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nta. he can’t afford necessities but he has a stash of money for himself and he’s smoking? really?
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nta but you know you’ve got much bigger problems than the bike and this particular money incident.
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your husband is so piss poor he has to steal from your kids, yet he somehow has enough money to smoke?
nta. but you're married to a huge one.
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nta. but like others i'm also wondering why you're with this man. he seems to care only about himself and not even a little bit about you or your daughter. are you with him for your daughter? because trust me, she doesn't need that kind of drama in her life. it's better to not have a dad than a dad that steals from you for his own fun.
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info why does he have savings for himself if you're so broke you have to sell your daughter's presents to buy things you need for the house?
this is a genuine question because for most parents selling a child's presents bought by someone else would be a line they would do a lot to avoid crossing
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~~on the legal side he is allowed to sell his daughter bike, she is minor so it is his legal right.~~ but in the same time, if you dont have a prenup, you have the same legal right to take every penny from his savings, bc all savings are legally your common savings. he cannot use double standards on his actions and on your actions. either you are both thieves, or none of you.
but this sub is not about legality but about morality, your husband is ta and you are nta
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the money stash he forbade me from touching isn't much anyway but he says it's huge deal that i went behind his back and stole instead of talking to him about it like a rational adult.
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look up financial abuse. your husband is abusive. nta.
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nta. why are you with this man?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter recieved a bike from her uncle (my brother) on her 11th birthday, she was over the moon and excited to use it because it was on her wishlist for so long. days ago, i discovered that my husband reached out to my brother to ask for the recipient for the bike and returned it to the store and kept the money for himself while my daughter was at school (the bike was at home). my daughter and i got home and she started crying after noticing the bike was gone. my husband was home at the time, he told me he returned the bike and got money in return to spend on something useful for us since the bike was just there as a "distraction" and there was no need for it now since we're the dead of winter. i was aggravated and lost it on him saying it wasn't his, didn't come from him, and he didn't pay for it so he had no right to touch it especially knowing our daughter's been wanting it for a long time and my brother was decent enough to buy it for her despite barely having money to get him by. i told him what he did was theft and insisted he hand over the money to me so i could re-purchase it but he said he spent it on stuff for the house and doesn't have any money left now but i knew about the money he was stashing away in the bedroom that he forbade me from toucing and i took some of it and went out to re-purchase the bike while he was out the next day. he found out and verbally lashed out at me saying i should've never touched the money he was saving for himself which isn't much but i lashed right back that i had to so i could re-purchase the bike he took from under our daughter. he explained that he didn't keep the money for himself and instead spent it for necessities for our home but he was at fault for taking the bike in the first place and he was responsible for getting it back. he yelled at me for almost 10 minutes then stormed outside and started smoking. my daughter asked why her dad was upset and that she no longer wants the bike if dad doesn't want her to have it, but i assured her that's not the case and told her she shouldn't feel guilty and to just focus on enjoying her bike. my husband hasn't stopped grilling me about how i disrespected and undermined him and managed to make our daughter hate him after making him look like the bad guy, i again said he shouldn't have touched the bike, end of the story/// he's called me theif and juvenile for taking money from his savings and being sneaky about it. aita for the way i got the bike back?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter recieved a bike from her uncle (my brother) on her 11th birthday, she was over the moon and excited to use it because it was on her wishlist for so long. days ago, i discovered that my husband reached out to my brother to ask for the recipient for the bike and returned it to the store and kept the money for himself while my daughter was at school (the bike was at home). my daughter and i got home and she started crying after noticing the bike was gone. my husband was home at the time, he told me he returned the bike and got money in return to spend on something useful for us since the bike was just there as a "distraction" and there was no need for it now since we're the dead of winter. i was aggravated and lost it on him saying it wasn't his, didn't come from him, and he didn't pay for it so he had no right to touch it especially knowing our daughter's been wanting it for a long time and my brother was decent enough to buy it for her despite barely having money to get him by. i told him what he did was theft and insisted he hand over the money to me so i could re-purchase it but he said he spent it on stuff for the house and doesn't have any money left now but i knew about the money he was stashing away in the bedroom that he forbade me from toucing and i took some of it and went out to re-purchase the bike while he was out the next day. he found out and verbally lashed out at me saying i should've never touched the money he was saving for himself which isn't much but i lashed right back that i had to so i could re-purchase the bike he took from under our daughter. he explained that he didn't keep the money for himself and instead spent it for necessities for our home but he was at fault for taking the bike in the first place and he was responsible for getting it back. he yelled at me for almost 10 minutes then stormed outside and started smoking. my daughter asked why her dad was upset and that she no longer wants the bike if dad doesn't want her to have it, but i assured her that's not the case and told her she shouldn't feel guilty and to just focus on enjoying her bike. my husband hasn't stopped grilling me about how i disrespected and undermined him and managed to make our daughter hate him after making him look like the bad guy, i again said he shouldn't have touched the bike, end of the story/// he's called me theif and juvenile for taking money from his savings and being sneaky about it. aita for the way i got the bike back? [/INST] nta. your husband stole your daughter’s gift and you made it right. and he’s hiding money you aren’t allowed to touch? he sounds incredibly awful and controlling. </s>
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WIBTA if I(28M) don't encourage our baby learn my wife's(26F) native language ?
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we're due in about 6 weeks or so atm. i'm white.born and raised in the states. my wife is a brown woman from asia. she grew up speaking urdu and some other local languages and english ofcourse. i only speak english and some bits of spanish here and there. she always wanted our kid to speak urdu and english as a child so her native language would be passed down. now i don't plan to encourage this because urdu is not that well of a language and we live in a country where english is enough to get us by. she plans on speaking to him in urdu and wants me to speak english so we can raise him bilingual. but a part of me is nervous and hesitant because my child would be speaking a language i can't understand or speak and i feel like it would create a rift between us so i'd rather we stick to just english. wibta?
| 4,129 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oris7g/wibta_if_i28m_dont_encourage_our_baby_learn_my/
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2021-07-25 20:03:47
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yta. if you’re worried about your child and your wife speaking a language you don’t speak, maybe you should learn. don’t stop your child from learning something just because you’re insecure about your own knowledge. we should always want our children to be better off than we are.
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christ dude, why are you so insecure? this entire post is so cringy. once i read that you described your wife as a “brown woman from asia” i knew it would be a good one.
if you’re so worried about your son being able to speak a language you can’t, here’s a crazy idea: learn the language too!! i know, such an out-there idea, right?? or, idk, not be so weird about your son having a skill you don’t? how could knowing a second language possibly hurt him? it has absolutely no chance of harming him and every chance of enriching his life, his future, and his connection to his mother. like honestly, this is so dismissive of your wife’s culture. it’s your son’s culture too! how could it possibly hurt you to have your wife connect with your son over their shared heritage? fragile dudes like you annoy the crap out of me smfh. yta. yta. yta.
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yta yikes!!! i can't believe she married you and this wasn't discussed already. the nerve of a white man thinking they can say what language is important and what isn't. 70 million people speak urdu and 100 million as 2nd language. if ur so worried to be left out instead of sitting on your white privileged a** maybe start learning too. don't stop your future children from exploring where they come from and seeking higher intelligence by knowing other languages just because ur insecure. why did u even go for a non white person if you're racist like this. i guess u thought you can make her white and ur child white. are u going to tell people he's white instead of partly brown too?? poor woman. feel sorry for her. colonialism is still alive i see.
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yta and racist. i can’t stand people who marry outside of their race/culture then complain about their spouses wanting to pass down that same culture
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yta. multilingualism boosts cognitive function. it’s good for the kid. get over it.
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why don’t you try learning urdu so you can speak it as well? yta
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yta. bringing up a child to be truly bilingual, no matter what the languages are, is one of the greatest gifts you can bestow on them, and makes it much easier for them to pick up other languages later.
in fact, one of my biggest regrets in life is that i didn’t start learning another language until i was eleven, and although i’ve needed to use five other than english on various occasions, i’m not fluent in any of them.
oh, and if i’d married someone whose native language wasn’t english, learning her language would be one of my highest priorities - why does she have to make all the linguistic effort?
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yta. all of your reasons are flimsy and point back to your own insecurity.
this is your child’s own heritage. the language spoken by the child’s mother and extended family. try to picture yourself in 20 years explaining to your child that you deliberately prevented him from learning this language because you were selfish and insecure.
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my dad is german from the usa and my mom is vietnamese from vietnam. my parents decided to not teach me or my brother vietnamese as a child because my dad didn’t want us to speak a language he didn’t understand in the house.
as an adult i truly believe this was the wrong decision for them to make, and a huge parenting mistake. don’t be like my parents... bilingual is a gift, a skill, and has tangible value in life. don’t let your insecurities take that away from your child! it’s not in their best interest. being a parents is about setting your insecurities aside and doing what’s best for the child. this is test one of many.
ywbta.
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yta. you are actively trying to eliminate your wife’s culture from your child’s life.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we're due in about 6 weeks or so atm. i'm white.born and raised in the states. my wife is a brown woman from asia. she grew up speaking urdu and some other local languages and english ofcourse. i only speak english and some bits of spanish here and there. she always wanted our kid to speak urdu and english as a child so her native language would be passed down. now i don't plan to encourage this because urdu is not that well of a language and we live in a country where english is enough to get us by. she plans on speaking to him in urdu and wants me to speak english so we can raise him bilingual. but a part of me is nervous and hesitant because my child would be speaking a language i can't understand or speak and i feel like it would create a rift between us so i'd rather we stick to just english. wibta?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we're due in about 6 weeks or so atm. i'm white.born and raised in the states. my wife is a brown woman from asia. she grew up speaking urdu and some other local languages and english ofcourse. i only speak english and some bits of spanish here and there. she always wanted our kid to speak urdu and english as a child so her native language would be passed down. now i don't plan to encourage this because urdu is not that well of a language and we live in a country where english is enough to get us by. she plans on speaking to him in urdu and wants me to speak english so we can raise him bilingual. but a part of me is nervous and hesitant because my child would be speaking a language i can't understand or speak and i feel like it would create a rift between us so i'd rather we stick to just english. wibta? [/INST] yta. if you’re worried about your child and your wife speaking a language you don’t speak, maybe you should learn. don’t stop your child from learning something just because you’re insecure about your own knowledge. we should always want our children to be better off than we are. </s>
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AITA for expecting my daughter to help her brother?
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me (50sm)
my daughter (32/f)
my son (27/m)
i love my kids equally.
my daughter lives at home rent free, which has allowed her to pursue her passion. we don’t charge her rent and so she’s built up a good deal of savings (~50k).
my son is a bit more aimless. he has a college degree, but he and his girlfriend have chosen to pursue a more nomadic lifestyle. he supports them (gf doesn’t work) and does odd jobs/gigs. they have lived in airbnbs for two years, until about a month ago.
last week, my son came to me to speak in private. apparently, they have been living off of credit cards and now my son owes ~30k. there’s no way he’ll be able to pay that off on his current job. he has moved back in and is looking for more steady work, but it’s going slowly as he has little career history to speak of. meanwhile, the creditors are calling constantly. the debt will inevitably grow with interest. my wife is pushing hard for son to file for bankruptcy to manage this.
i don’t want my son to file for bankruptcy. it would be a huge stain on his credit and make some jobs impossible to get. i believe my daughter should loan him the money out of her savings. when i pass all my children will have is each other. they should learn how to rely on each other more.
i told my daughter i think she should loan son the money. she got extremely angry and left to live with her mom. her mom, my wife, and my daughter are all angry at me now.
aita?
| 14,965 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bymu7a/aita_for_expecting_my_daughter_to_help_her_brother/
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2019-06-09 17:44:23
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yta. your daughter’s money is hers to do with as she pleases. she earned it. if you want your son’s credit cards paid off then do it yourself.
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yta. it isn’t your daughter’s job to bail out your son. he needs to face the consequences of his financial decisions. it sounds like filing for bankruptcy is the right call here.
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yta. you have no right to tell your daughter what to do with her money. your son is an adult, he made mistakes and now he has to figure out how to fix it instead of relying on daddy.
why should your daughter be burdened by his life choices?
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yta, i'm afraid. it isn't your daughter's job to take care of her brother's problems. it's not even her responsibility. not to mention the fastest way to ruin a family dynamic is (usually) to involve money. one missed payment and now everything is tense and everyone is angry.
your daughter, with your help, has been incredibly responsible. your son has not. now he has the chance to follow in her footsteps, get a job, and take responsibility for his actions. he should have known *well* before 30k debt that his situation was untenable. at 10k, at the least, he should have re-evaluated his life style. he didn't. your daughter should not being giving up her hard earned savings because of his lack of foresight.
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“they should learn how to rely on each other more.”
actually what your proposing is closer to this,
“my son should learn to leech off his sister.”
what a stupid thing to suggest, i can see where your son got his brains from. yta
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i read this whole thread.
are you seriously trying to imply that your children are equally irresponsible? your son a) lives way beyond his means and b) has a mooch girlfriend. and your daughter has committed the sins of a) being single and b) working at a non profit? so this means... she should bail him out?
yta
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yta - if you want to bail your son out, why don't *you* loan him the money to pay his debts? why would this fall on his sibling? just because she has managed to build up a savings? o.o
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yta. $30k!!! sounds like it’s your son’s fault for having a “nomadic” lifestyle. i get that your daughter lives rent free but it’s not reasonable to expect her to bail her brother out of a bad situation he caused. that’s a lot of money.
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yta- its nice that you've been able to help your daughter out so she can pursue her passion, but it sounds like your daughter has also taken responsibility for her financial well being. she's made sound choices and she's been able to save.
you son had made other choices. instead of working full time, he's made the choice to move around and not save money. it's unfair for you to expect your daughter to bail him out.
why not offer your son the same that you've offered your daughter? free rent while he gets back on his feet. yes, bankruptcy will affect his credit for the next 7 years, but that is a consequence of the choices your son has made
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yta.
you have now made your daughter feel as if the 50k she saved is actually yours. because you let her live rent free.
but it wasn't rent free - you actually had deep expectations that she would use the money in a way you wanted, if you only asked.
you can help your son yourself, but you cannot require siblings to help each other. what you just did is the opposite of helping them rely on each other. also did it not occur to you that your son came to you (not his sister) with this problem? you violated his trust as well.
bankruptcy is not that big of a deal. sure, there may be certain kinds of jobs in the financial industry that he can't have, but wtf makes you think that's where he's headed? people i know who declared bankruptcy buy houses 7 years later (or sooner if there's a distress sale). they learn adulting by digging their way out.
jobs that do not check for bankruptcy are the vast majority of jobs (including things like teacher and social worker, so maybe he'll be forced to help others)
or he can just continue doing whatever he's doing in the gig economy. really, he should contact a legitimate credit negotiators and just make a settlement to pay it off at lower interest. maybe he should get a regular job? you're not an asshole to say to your son, "get a job and pay it off" if he has brought the problem to you. you are a big asshole for making it your daughter's problem.
sheesh.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me (50sm) my daughter (32/f) my son (27/m) i love my kids equally. my daughter lives at home rent free, which has allowed her to pursue her passion. we don’t charge her rent and so she’s built up a good deal of savings (~50k). my son is a bit more aimless. he has a college degree, but he and his girlfriend have chosen to pursue a more nomadic lifestyle. he supports them (gf doesn’t work) and does odd jobs/gigs. they have lived in airbnbs for two years, until about a month ago. last week, my son came to me to speak in private. apparently, they have been living off of credit cards and now my son owes ~30k. there’s no way he’ll be able to pay that off on his current job. he has moved back in and is looking for more steady work, but it’s going slowly as he has little career history to speak of. meanwhile, the creditors are calling constantly. the debt will inevitably grow with interest. my wife is pushing hard for son to file for bankruptcy to manage this. i don’t want my son to file for bankruptcy. it would be a huge stain on his credit and make some jobs impossible to get. i believe my daughter should loan him the money out of her savings. when i pass all my children will have is each other. they should learn how to rely on each other more. i told my daughter i think she should loan son the money. she got extremely angry and left to live with her mom. her mom, my wife, and my daughter are all angry at me now. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me (50sm) my daughter (32/f) my son (27/m) i love my kids equally. my daughter lives at home rent free, which has allowed her to pursue her passion. we don’t charge her rent and so she’s built up a good deal of savings (~50k). my son is a bit more aimless. he has a college degree, but he and his girlfriend have chosen to pursue a more nomadic lifestyle. he supports them (gf doesn’t work) and does odd jobs/gigs. they have lived in airbnbs for two years, until about a month ago. last week, my son came to me to speak in private. apparently, they have been living off of credit cards and now my son owes ~30k. there’s no way he’ll be able to pay that off on his current job. he has moved back in and is looking for more steady work, but it’s going slowly as he has little career history to speak of. meanwhile, the creditors are calling constantly. the debt will inevitably grow with interest. my wife is pushing hard for son to file for bankruptcy to manage this. i don’t want my son to file for bankruptcy. it would be a huge stain on his credit and make some jobs impossible to get. i believe my daughter should loan him the money out of her savings. when i pass all my children will have is each other. they should learn how to rely on each other more. i told my daughter i think she should loan son the money. she got extremely angry and left to live with her mom. her mom, my wife, and my daughter are all angry at me now. aita? [/INST] yta. your daughter’s money is hers to do with as she pleases. she earned it. if you want your son’s credit cards paid off then do it yourself. </s>
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AITA For leaving in an Uber after what my husband did at the restaurant?
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me (31f) and my husband (35m) have been married for 14months. he's a middle-school teacher. very close to his family. loves to help out but can be firm at times. he adores his 1.2 yo niece. his sister's baby. he always babysits whenever he's got nothing to do. i help with whatever i can. we haven't gotten out for a nice dinner in a while.
i asked if we could go out to a new restaurant and try their food. and have good time together. he agreed. i immediately made reservations and took care of everything.
since i couldn't take the day off i left work early and went to meet him there at the restaurant. i walked in and saw my husband sitting and his niece in a carseat by the table. i asked and he said his sister had work and wanted him to watch his niece. his family were out of town so there was no one else beside him. i noticed the restaurant staff were giving us looks since it's not a childfriendly restuarant and i was worried the baby'd cry or something. she was asleep then.
we ordered our meals. while he was calming his niece down cause she was crying out loud. he kept asking the waitress about stuff they don't have for his niece
i couldn't take the looks from people unable to enjoy their meals cause of the noise husband's niece was making. especially when he started singing “youre welcome” from moana movie while swinging her. i got up to the restroom. few mins later i heard him arguing loudly. i went to see that he was actually trying to change his niece's diaper on the table. the waitress was arguing with him. i was in shock. the manager came after my husband said he'd take a minute to get it done. the manager spoke to me and asked me to leave eventually. i was livid. we left and i blew up outside. asked my husband why the table while people were eating. that he could've told me. otherwise i wouldn't have picked a restaurant that doesn't allow infants. that he embarrassed me .ruined dinner and got us kicked out.
he started arguing with me like i was one of his students after i refused to get in the car. giving me 0/10 for my reaction and claiming i picked a bad restaurant.
said that he was helping his sister. and i needed to understand that. after the argument i took an uber and went home. he went to his sister's place and called saying i shouldn't have left like that and make him feel guilty for wanting to help. but i didn't respond.
[edit] i just want to say that my husband is the one who insists on taking his niece. he doesn't consider this babysitting he just loves to be with her and take care of her. he said he wants us to adopt since it's our only way of having children (medical reasons) he absolutely adores kids so i understand his bond with his niece. but the restaurant incident was blamed on me. he thinks my reaction was over the top and honestly i have no idea why he thinks people should mind their own business when he's behaving like that in a public place.
| 21,570 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m4vz4f/aita_for_leaving_in_an_uber_after_what_my_husband/
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2021-03-14 14:25:12
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nta, who tf changes a baby at a table and not in the restroom when they're in public? why does he act like his niece is his kid and bring her everywhere, especially when it's clear you're trying to have some time with just you and your husband?
he absolutely embarrassed the hell out of you, and furthermore tried to make you feel guilty for picking a nice restaurant when you were under the reasonable assumption you could have a nice dinner. you need to have some serious talks with your husband and your sil regarding boundaries and childcare bc this is 100% not okay.
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nta. he should have told you, so you could have gone somewhere else to eat.
also: changing diapers in the middle of a restaurant is absolutely not acceptable.
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nta - “ gave me a 0/10 for my reaction.”
what?
what?
oh hell no
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>he was actually trying to change his niece's diaper on the table
nta. this is gross. your husband should have given you the heads up so you could book a different restaurant or even declined his sisters request because it was your date night.
thank you for being the only self-aware adult at that table. some places are just not suitable for young children.
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oh my gosh.
nta.
his wanting to be helpful shouldn't be prioritized over your and his needs, he seems to believe everything should revolve naturally around his helpfulness without recognizing the effect.
also, that pattern aside, it's intensely rude and unsanitary to change a diaper on a table, whether it's burger king or a five star restaurant.
at best that's woefully ignorant and thoughtless, at worst it's showboating how helpful he is without recognizing the impact on others.
getting kicked out of the restaurant was entirely his fault and instead of recognizing his mistakes, he blames you for choosing the restaurant?! like there's such thing as any restaurant in the world who would allow what he did?!
not to mention the effort you put in and requested for this to be a date night, prioritizing each other's company.
he sounds stuck in head with an idea of him being above reproach because of how helpful he thinks he is. i would seriously consider counseling.
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nta. your husband is allowed to have his own life and occasionally say “no” to his sister. it sounds like she and her daughter are more important to him than your marriage is. a marriage requires work, including the occasional time just for the two of you.
also, by not warning you about him agreeing to watch the baby completely blindsided you. he made it so that there was no way for you to object until the deed was done. this is pure manipulation.
your husband needs to learn that just because his sister has a crisis that he does not need to step in at the last minute every time and by doing so he is telling his sister that she can pull this time after time.
also, changing a diaper at the table??? that is insane. any functional adult knows to take the child to the restroom to do that.
finally, he tried to deflect guilt by making the argument about you (you picked a bad restaurant, etc) instead of being an adult and keeping on subject about his actions.
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nta. he was out of order and to change a babies diaper on the table while others are eating is frankly disgusting. and then he tries to blame everything on you. no shit you was embarrassed and got in a taxi and left. you need to have a good chat with him about how he made you feel and if he can't see he has done anything wrong well you need to decide if you want to stay with someone like that because i doubt he will change.
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nta. at all. and at first i was wondering what “loves to help out but can be firm” means but then i read the rest and realized it means “is at the beck and call of his extended family and i dream of him one day putting me first”.
he was really, really out of line. for not consulting you before agreeing to babysit at a time you already had plans for. for bringing the baby on your date without even giving you a heads-up. for bringing the baby into a restaurant that really isn’t baby-friendly. for the condescending way he spoke to you later. for all the above and more, and especially for changing a diaper on the table.
i would be pissed. beyond pissed.
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nta. your husband is a major asshole. you don't take a random toddler on a date with you. you don't agree to babysit after making date plans. you don't bring children to a restaurant that isn't kid friendly. you don't sing and dance with toddlers in a restaurant, especially one that isn't kid friendly. you don't let your kids cry in a restaurant, you take them outside. you don't change a diaper at a table, that's fucking disgusting. you don't treat your spouse like a child. your husband was an asshole at every step. you deserve better.
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nta but your husband is. he was wrong on every level. is he going to always put you second? if so, is this how you want to live the rest of your life
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me (31f) and my husband (35m) have been married for 14months. he's a middle-school teacher. very close to his family. loves to help out but can be firm at times. he adores his 1.2 yo niece. his sister's baby. he always babysits whenever he's got nothing to do. i help with whatever i can. we haven't gotten out for a nice dinner in a while. i asked if we could go out to a new restaurant and try their food. and have good time together. he agreed. i immediately made reservations and took care of everything. since i couldn't take the day off i left work early and went to meet him there at the restaurant. i walked in and saw my husband sitting and his niece in a carseat by the table. i asked and he said his sister had work and wanted him to watch his niece. his family were out of town so there was no one else beside him. i noticed the restaurant staff were giving us looks since it's not a childfriendly restuarant and i was worried the baby'd cry or something. she was asleep then. we ordered our meals. while he was calming his niece down cause she was crying out loud. he kept asking the waitress about stuff they don't have for his niece i couldn't take the looks from people unable to enjoy their meals cause of the noise husband's niece was making. especially when he started singing “youre welcome” from moana movie while swinging her. i got up to the restroom. few mins later i heard him arguing loudly. i went to see that he was actually trying to change his niece's diaper on the table. the waitress was arguing with him. i was in shock. the manager came after my husband said he'd take a minute to get it done. the manager spoke to me and asked me to leave eventually. i was livid. we left and i blew up outside. asked my husband why the table while people were eating. that he could've told me. otherwise i wouldn't have picked a restaurant that doesn't allow infants. that he embarrassed me .ruined dinner and got us kicked out. he started arguing with me like i was one of his students after i refused to get in the car. giving me 0/10 for my reaction and claiming i picked a bad restaurant. said that he was helping his sister. and i needed to understand that. after the argument i took an uber and went home. he went to his sister's place and called saying i shouldn't have left like that and make him feel guilty for wanting to help. but i didn't respond. [edit] i just want to say that my husband is the one who insists on taking his niece. he doesn't consider this babysitting he just loves to be with her and take care of her. he said he wants us to adopt since it's our only way of having children (medical reasons) he absolutely adores kids so i understand his bond with his niece. but the restaurant incident was blamed on me. he thinks my reaction was over the top and honestly i have no idea why he thinks people should mind their own business when he's behaving like that in a public place.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me (31f) and my husband (35m) have been married for 14months. he's a middle-school teacher. very close to his family. loves to help out but can be firm at times. he adores his 1.2 yo niece. his sister's baby. he always babysits whenever he's got nothing to do. i help with whatever i can. we haven't gotten out for a nice dinner in a while. i asked if we could go out to a new restaurant and try their food. and have good time together. he agreed. i immediately made reservations and took care of everything. since i couldn't take the day off i left work early and went to meet him there at the restaurant. i walked in and saw my husband sitting and his niece in a carseat by the table. i asked and he said his sister had work and wanted him to watch his niece. his family were out of town so there was no one else beside him. i noticed the restaurant staff were giving us looks since it's not a childfriendly restuarant and i was worried the baby'd cry or something. she was asleep then. we ordered our meals. while he was calming his niece down cause she was crying out loud. he kept asking the waitress about stuff they don't have for his niece i couldn't take the looks from people unable to enjoy their meals cause of the noise husband's niece was making. especially when he started singing “youre welcome” from moana movie while swinging her. i got up to the restroom. few mins later i heard him arguing loudly. i went to see that he was actually trying to change his niece's diaper on the table. the waitress was arguing with him. i was in shock. the manager came after my husband said he'd take a minute to get it done. the manager spoke to me and asked me to leave eventually. i was livid. we left and i blew up outside. asked my husband why the table while people were eating. that he could've told me. otherwise i wouldn't have picked a restaurant that doesn't allow infants. that he embarrassed me .ruined dinner and got us kicked out. he started arguing with me like i was one of his students after i refused to get in the car. giving me 0/10 for my reaction and claiming i picked a bad restaurant. said that he was helping his sister. and i needed to understand that. after the argument i took an uber and went home. he went to his sister's place and called saying i shouldn't have left like that and make him feel guilty for wanting to help. but i didn't respond. [edit] i just want to say that my husband is the one who insists on taking his niece. he doesn't consider this babysitting he just loves to be with her and take care of her. he said he wants us to adopt since it's our only way of having children (medical reasons) he absolutely adores kids so i understand his bond with his niece. but the restaurant incident was blamed on me. he thinks my reaction was over the top and honestly i have no idea why he thinks people should mind their own business when he's behaving like that in a public place. [/INST] nta, who tf changes a baby at a table and not in the restroom when they're in public? why does he act like his niece is his kid and bring her everywhere, especially when it's clear you're trying to have some time with just you and your husband? he absolutely embarrassed the hell out of you, and furthermore tried to make you feel guilty for picking a nice restaurant when you were under the reasonable assumption you could have a nice dinner. you need to have some serious talks with your husband and your sil regarding boundaries and childcare bc this is 100% not okay. </s>
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AITA for telling my father "we'll catch the next one" when he invited me to his wedding?
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he's been married 4 times now, and this wedding will be his fifth in the span of 30 years. i don't know how he has such a high turnover rate but i'm guessing it's to do with him being both rich and a raging narcissist. he invited me to get coffee and introduced me to his new fiancee. i knew he was going to do this because two of my brothers (there are 7 of us total, none have the same mother) said that they had just gotten coffee with dad and met the fiancee, then been invited to the wedding, and both had been given a plus one for their girlfriends of 8 and 10 months respectively.
dad told me to bring my "partner" when i came for coffee and i brought my (trans) boyfriend along. we have been together for 3 years. the fiancee seemed nice, wanting to know about me and my boyfriend and asking questions that sounded like she actually gave a shit. dad gets all the details of the engagement/wedding out of the way and then asks me, and only me, if i'll be there.
i notice that he was talking to just me, not my boyfriend, so i say "*we* will check if *we're* free".
dad replies that "this is family only"
i reply, "i just assumed, seeing as how the other siblings got plus ones"
dad says "that's different. are you coming?"
i say "we'll catch the next one".
dad's fiancee becomes visibly upset and they leave. dad texts me after that if i can be civil on the day then i can still come alone.
i felt like i had to stick up for my boyfriend because this was definitely due to him being transgender, and he thanked me at the time but told me that i should probably still go, but after reporting back to my siblings to say what had happened i got mixed responses. the overall opinion was that while i absolutely should stick up for my boyfriend this was some hill to die on and i managed to catch the actually nice fiancee in the crossfire and upset dad, too.
aita?
info: i am a woman. my boyfriend is trans ftm. despite both of us being straight, dad thinks of us as lesbians due to my boyfriend's biology. of me and my siblings, 3 were within wedlock and the other 4 (including me) were extramarital: 3 affairs, 1 long term girlfriend. the fiancee knows she's #5 and dad gives the same story about how he was tricked into marrying golddiggers by accident and didn't know until too late and the affairs all happened as the relationships were breaking down.
| 29,708 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eayiq4/aita_for_telling_my_father_well_catch_the_next/
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2019-12-15 12:42:08
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nta. you stood up for your boyfriend. as unfortunate as it is that the fiancée was caught in the crossfire, she didn’t oppose her soon to be husband’s views, so.
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nta, i think it was the best thing you could've done in the situation, especially with the way your dad is. it's a shame that his fiance may have gotten her feelings hurt, but she'll have bigger problems to worry about in a few months when she's sorting through a divorce. i'm sorry that your dad can't be more accepting.
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nta, good for you. i hope your boyfriend’s okay.
maybe reach out to your dad’s fiancée about the situation too so that she at least knows it’s not about her but instead how your dad was acting.
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nta. and for the record "my partner is a human and deserves respect" is not a weird hill to die on
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nta because he invited your partner to coffee to make sure to avoid inviting both of you to the wedding. if he had invited you alone or spoken to you privately first, you could have discussed it without hurting anyone's feelings.
honestly, i thought it was clever even if it was mean. his new fiancee can't be that offended when she's number 8 at a minimum for marriage and/or children. i get it if she's number 2 or possibly even three, but maybe she needed this wake up to reality.
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nta.
he invited you and your partner to meet up, and then only invited you to the wedding?
that's a dickhead move. i'd say your anger was justified.
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nta
be civil my ass. it him who isn’t civil. don’t be afraid to ignore toxic people in your life.
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you are nta. fck him. who cares who you bring? at least you can keep a relationship for 3 years. is he jealous? trust me, his new in laws are going to be focused on the fact that this is his 4th/5th marriage and that your father has multiple sons all with different mothers.
tell him you only want to attend his 5th year anniversary parties. should cut down on the wedding spam.
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nta
this is a hill to die on issue. you’ve been together longer than your 2 of your siblings relationships, likely longer than the engaged couple but he excludes you from having a plus one? that’s insulting.
text your dad, “you gave plus ones to my brothers who have been with their girlfriends for less than a year. i’ve been with my boyfriend for three years and it’s insulting not include him. this is why i’m not going. you want me to celebrate your relationship while disrespecting mine. it’s hypocritical and doesn’t sit right with me.”
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esh. your dad for excluding your boyfriend but also you because your defence also hurt his fiancée who, by all accounts, seemed kind and accepting of your boyfriend.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.010125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: he's been married 4 times now, and this wedding will be his fifth in the span of 30 years. i don't know how he has such a high turnover rate but i'm guessing it's to do with him being both rich and a raging narcissist. he invited me to get coffee and introduced me to his new fiancee. i knew he was going to do this because two of my brothers (there are 7 of us total, none have the same mother) said that they had just gotten coffee with dad and met the fiancee, then been invited to the wedding, and both had been given a plus one for their girlfriends of 8 and 10 months respectively. dad told me to bring my "partner" when i came for coffee and i brought my (trans) boyfriend along. we have been together for 3 years. the fiancee seemed nice, wanting to know about me and my boyfriend and asking questions that sounded like she actually gave a shit. dad gets all the details of the engagement/wedding out of the way and then asks me, and only me, if i'll be there. i notice that he was talking to just me, not my boyfriend, so i say "*we* will check if *we're* free". dad replies that "this is family only" i reply, "i just assumed, seeing as how the other siblings got plus ones" dad says "that's different. are you coming?" i say "we'll catch the next one". dad's fiancee becomes visibly upset and they leave. dad texts me after that if i can be civil on the day then i can still come alone. i felt like i had to stick up for my boyfriend because this was definitely due to him being transgender, and he thanked me at the time but told me that i should probably still go, but after reporting back to my siblings to say what had happened i got mixed responses. the overall opinion was that while i absolutely should stick up for my boyfriend this was some hill to die on and i managed to catch the actually nice fiancee in the crossfire and upset dad, too. aita? info: i am a woman. my boyfriend is trans ftm. despite both of us being straight, dad thinks of us as lesbians due to my boyfriend's biology. of me and my siblings, 3 were within wedlock and the other 4 (including me) were extramarital: 3 affairs, 1 long term girlfriend. the fiancee knows she's #5 and dad gives the same story about how he was tricked into marrying golddiggers by accident and didn't know until too late and the affairs all happened as the relationships were breaking down.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
he's been married 4 times now, and this wedding will be his fifth in the span of 30 years. i don't know how he has such a high turnover rate but i'm guessing it's to do with him being both rich and a raging narcissist. he invited me to get coffee and introduced me to his new fiancee. i knew he was going to do this because two of my brothers (there are 7 of us total, none have the same mother) said that they had just gotten coffee with dad and met the fiancee, then been invited to the wedding, and both had been given a plus one for their girlfriends of 8 and 10 months respectively. dad told me to bring my "partner" when i came for coffee and i brought my (trans) boyfriend along. we have been together for 3 years. the fiancee seemed nice, wanting to know about me and my boyfriend and asking questions that sounded like she actually gave a shit. dad gets all the details of the engagement/wedding out of the way and then asks me, and only me, if i'll be there. i notice that he was talking to just me, not my boyfriend, so i say "*we* will check if *we're* free". dad replies that "this is family only" i reply, "i just assumed, seeing as how the other siblings got plus ones" dad says "that's different. are you coming?" i say "we'll catch the next one". dad's fiancee becomes visibly upset and they leave. dad texts me after that if i can be civil on the day then i can still come alone. i felt like i had to stick up for my boyfriend because this was definitely due to him being transgender, and he thanked me at the time but told me that i should probably still go, but after reporting back to my siblings to say what had happened i got mixed responses. the overall opinion was that while i absolutely should stick up for my boyfriend this was some hill to die on and i managed to catch the actually nice fiancee in the crossfire and upset dad, too. aita? info: i am a woman. my boyfriend is trans ftm. despite both of us being straight, dad thinks of us as lesbians due to my boyfriend's biology. of me and my siblings, 3 were within wedlock and the other 4 (including me) were extramarital: 3 affairs, 1 long term girlfriend. the fiancee knows she's #5 and dad gives the same story about how he was tricked into marrying golddiggers by accident and didn't know until too late and the affairs all happened as the relationships were breaking down. [/INST] nta. you stood up for your boyfriend. as unfortunate as it is that the fiancée was caught in the crossfire, she didn’t oppose her soon to be husband’s views, so. </s>
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AITA for reorganising my library while pregnant and telling my in-laws my husband wouldn’t help me?
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i’ve recently had an almost obsessive urge to reorganise everything in my home. my library is one of the places i felt needed to be changed asap so i asked my husband multiple times if he would help me as my shelves are pretty high up and i have a lot of books that are heavy to move. he kept telling me he would help me later as he was busy.
it felt like later was never coming so i finally decided to just do it myself while my husband was working. my in-laws came to visit us and they walked in on me grabbing books from the higher shelves. they thought what i was doing was dangerous and that i could’ve fallen. my husband also freaked out and kept telling me to get down and saying i shouldn’t be carrying heavy things.
my father-in-law asked me why i hadn’t asked somebody else to move my books for me and i told him i did ask my husband but he wouldn’t help me. he did try to correct them that he said he would help me later but his parents told him off for not doing it for me.
he thinks i made him look bad to his parents and is upset that i didn’t correct them and because i didn’t wait for him to reorganise my library. we keep arguing because i told him that he didn’t help and that i didn’t want his help anymore and i would finish the library myself.
aita?
| 6,238 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ysr5dm/aita_for_reorganising_my_library_while_pregnant/
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2022-11-11 23:55:48
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yta. from your comments, it sounds like you admit your husband was in fact busy, and just feel like he should have reprioritized to help you with the library, but it wasn't actually urgent. it was only urgent to you. if you were tired of waiting and wanted to do it yourself, that's fine, but going around and telling his parents its because he refused to help you was an ah move. despite what the general populace seems to think, pregnant women are not invalids and if you paced yourself and were careful, you were likely completely fine doing the work yourself.
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oh man, no one's the asshole, not really. as someone who has birthed three out of four of my hobbits, i feel you. especially with my first, i suddenly felt like certain things around the house just weren't right, and desperately wanted to change them. including redecorating four rooms of our house. my other half, like yours, kept saying he'll do it later. later came when i gave up and started doing it myself.
my mother turned up, took the paint brush off me and her and other half finished it all up 🙈.
point is, to me, this was really important. to him, he was going to work, doing usual household stuff, and stressing about bringing a child into the world and providing for all of us as a family. the little down time he did have was usually sleeping or finding me obscure snacks.
to him, the place really didn't need decorating and he didn't put it in the same place on his priority list as i did mine. not because he didn't care, but because perception is reality.
to him, redecorating didn't help us, and was a waste of precious time. it was never about him not caring or not being arsed.
but to *me*, it was important and i felt like he didn't care about me or what was about to be our family home.
my point is, wires get crossed so easily when expecting a potato with limbs, and even more in those first six months. trust me, i wanted to slaughter my husband when our now four year old was born just for breathing wrong.
be kind to yourself and each other. i would show him this thread if it helps, or if needed sit down and say it was really important to me, but i realise it wasn't for you. my intention wasn't to make you look bad, i was feeling frustrated and that poured over. if i tell you when something is a big deal to me next time, can you go on to help me with it as best you can?
good luck with everything, it's going to be great, take the epidural if you want it, it won't harm the baby. if you can't breast feed, don't struggle and make yourself miserable, formula (unless we're talking nestle) has never made a baby grow two heads yet. take advice with a pinch of salt and ignore anyone make you feel guilty. mum's with several kids will probably have the best advi d for keeping your sanity. if that involves cake for breakfast and a litre of coffee, that's ok.
a happy mum makes a happy baby, your suffering will not make your baby smarter, happier or healthier.
a happy mum usually makes a happy dad/other mum, too!
you've got this, all the love in the world lovely x
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i was going to go with n a h . until you told his parents that he “wouldn’t” help you, not that you wanted it done now and he wouldn’t help you right away.
you’re not ta for wanting it done. he’s not ta for not doing it right away. 2 weeks for a non urgent task doesn’t sound like long to me.
but yta for the way it was described to his parents. as a refusal, rather than a delay.
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nesting is the craziest thing about being pregnant.
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info: was your husband actually consistently busy and how long did you wait before you just did it yourself?
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yta, moving the items was not something that needed done immediately, no matter what your obsessive urge told you. just because you can't control yourself and wait doesn't mean you get to bad mouth your husband for not dropping everything on something so minor. you need to apologize.
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nta. not sure what's going on with all the y. t. as, but no, not at all.
husband put you off for two weeks. he had no desire or intention to help and was hoping that pregnancy brain would mean you moved into something else before it became a thing.
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eh - your husband isn't responsible for your obsessions. organizing the library wasn't urgent - it was something you wanted to do. which is fine, but it clearly didn't seem urgent or important to your husband. this wasn't cleaning the kitchen or some other necessary task.
and to narc to his parents? super petty. if you want to do something, then you do it. don't drag your husband into your projects, and don't try and make him look bad because he's got more important things to do.
yta
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going to get down voted but nta. your husband was so busy for two weeks that he couldn't take five minutes and help you? he needs a reality check. you shouldn't be doing heavy lifting like that. if a pile of books fell on you it could cause serious damage.
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slight yta. solely because of how you put it as he wouldn't help you. his answer was that he was busy but would try to make time. to be fair, i don't even have kids or a kid coming any time in the future, and it takes me a while to even find a free moment to clean my kitchen.
you are currently nesting - hence the obsessive urge to clean. however, this is not an emergency scenario and you are also pregnant, and climbing up on ladders is not safe for anyone pregnant.
take it easy, and try to find something a little more ground level to work out that need to clean and organize right now - like the baby's room! that is far more important than a library the baby probably won't see for a long time.
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YTA
| null |
NAH
| null |
INFO
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.570221 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’ve recently had an almost obsessive urge to reorganise everything in my home. my library is one of the places i felt needed to be changed asap so i asked my husband multiple times if he would help me as my shelves are pretty high up and i have a lot of books that are heavy to move. he kept telling me he would help me later as he was busy. it felt like later was never coming so i finally decided to just do it myself while my husband was working. my in-laws came to visit us and they walked in on me grabbing books from the higher shelves. they thought what i was doing was dangerous and that i could’ve fallen. my husband also freaked out and kept telling me to get down and saying i shouldn’t be carrying heavy things. my father-in-law asked me why i hadn’t asked somebody else to move my books for me and i told him i did ask my husband but he wouldn’t help me. he did try to correct them that he said he would help me later but his parents told him off for not doing it for me. he thinks i made him look bad to his parents and is upset that i didn’t correct them and because i didn’t wait for him to reorganise my library. we keep arguing because i told him that he didn’t help and that i didn’t want his help anymore and i would finish the library myself. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’ve recently had an almost obsessive urge to reorganise everything in my home. my library is one of the places i felt needed to be changed asap so i asked my husband multiple times if he would help me as my shelves are pretty high up and i have a lot of books that are heavy to move. he kept telling me he would help me later as he was busy. it felt like later was never coming so i finally decided to just do it myself while my husband was working. my in-laws came to visit us and they walked in on me grabbing books from the higher shelves. they thought what i was doing was dangerous and that i could’ve fallen. my husband also freaked out and kept telling me to get down and saying i shouldn’t be carrying heavy things. my father-in-law asked me why i hadn’t asked somebody else to move my books for me and i told him i did ask my husband but he wouldn’t help me. he did try to correct them that he said he would help me later but his parents told him off for not doing it for me. he thinks i made him look bad to his parents and is upset that i didn’t correct them and because i didn’t wait for him to reorganise my library. we keep arguing because i told him that he didn’t help and that i didn’t want his help anymore and i would finish the library myself. aita? [/INST] yta. from your comments, it sounds like you admit your husband was in fact busy, and just feel like he should have reprioritized to help you with the library, but it wasn't actually urgent. it was only urgent to you. if you were tired of waiting and wanted to do it yourself, that's fine, but going around and telling his parents its because he refused to help you was an ah move. despite what the general populace seems to think, pregnant women are not invalids and if you paced yourself and were careful, you were likely completely fine doing the work yourself. </s>
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AITA for walking into my flatmate's room while she was having sex and refusing to leave?
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i (20m) live in a flat with 5 others at university. there is one girl (20f), who's a bit of a...problem
she always brings guys back and has loud audible sex with them. very loud. and it annoys all of us, we have early starts in the morning and well tell her to keep it down but she doesn't listen. we told security and they didn't do shit.
so we also all have exams soon and essay deadlines. and yesterday, she does it again, brings a guy back and starts having loud sex. we're all awake on this and post on the flat chat (but she wasn't going to see it anyway until after she was done having sex).
i have an early start and had to be somewhere by 7am and it was 2am while this was happening.
i had had enough. i banged on her door and she wouldn't open it. i bang again and she doesn't open. so i try to open it and...it's unlocked, they must have forgotten to lock it given that they came back drunk.
so i walk in and see them having sex. they both quickly see me and freak out. she says to me ''what the fuck?!!'' but i look over to the guy, the guy was a bit short and really skinny, there's no way in hell he would be a threat to me and he looked way more nervous than she does.
she keeps saying ''what the fuck?!! get out!!'' and i say to her ''i've had enough of your fucking shit. we've all had enough of your fucking shit, you piece of shit. we're trying to sleep''.
the guy is standing there awkwardly so i tell him ''get the fuck out'' and he doesn't do anything just stands there awkwardly, so i tell him ''i'll fucking call security, and i've got 4 other flatmates to back me up, our words against yours so get the fuck out!!'' and he gets his clothes on and runs out the flat.
so the ''problem'' girl starts crying and i tell her that she needs to sort her life out, i then to say to her ''please leave this flat, move out. no one here fucking likes you, not even that guy you just fucked likes you enough to stay'' and she screams at me and calls me fucking cunt and asshole.
i then leave and go to back to my room. i told the others what happened and they agreed with me, there's nothing else i could have done. in fact they thanked me, at least we could get to sleep and now we sent her a message, aita?
**to those saying that the other flatmates are all guys, that's not true. aside from the bitch, there are two girls, and the rest guy.**
**to the people telling me that i should have spoken nicely to her, i said in the first few paragraphs i already did this. me and the other flatmates asked her nicely to stop on several occasions and she didn't follow through. what she did was say ''okay'' and then continue to do the same shit. i'm writing this as a clarification for those comments.**
| 17,367 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b6wg38/aita_for_walking_into_my_flatmates_room_while_she/
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2019-03-29 12:06:04
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yta holy shit i hope this is a troll post otherwise you have some serious issues. trying to the scare the naked guy she’s having sex jeez.
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shp? if not then esh leaning more towards yta. this is not how adults talk to each other.
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yta
you made it too personal... "nobody likes you"... could've just told her to shape up or move out or else you'll keep barging in and be as inconsiderate as she's been.
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yta- you went above and beyond to be cruel. she had loud sex, it's super annoying. i get it. but bang on her door until she comes out. the guy did nothing wrong either.
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esh
but yta especially. loud sex is certainly disrespectful when you're living with a large group of people. however, because she's having sex you're going to:
1.) gauge the kind of guy she's with and assume you could beat him in a fight?
2.) tell her to sort her life out? are you her father??
3.) shout and curse at her like you're the better person?
???
you're ta for all that. she's ta for just being disrespectful.
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nta - fun fact: sleep deprivation is torture according to the un.
you already had the adult conversation with her about this (why is everyone itt saying you should have had a conversation like an adult when you already did?). she has been messing with her 5 flatmates sleep for such a long time, after you made her well aware of the fact. her behavior is completely unacceptable.
the most important thing about sharing a flat is respecting sleep schedules and she was so way out of line that i think your reaction was appropriate. no wonder your other flatmates thanked you. i think people in this thread is severely underestimating how horrible the situation she made is.
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esh. she's a major asshole for not listening to her roommates about her loud sex problem, and you definitely have a reason to be pissed as all fuck, but deliberately walking in on her and refusing to leave her room (which is her space and she does get to tell people to leave) is in super-major-asshole territory. that's her space that she pays for, so you don't ever get the right to barge in, and doing that while she's having sex is also a major breach of privacy. i agree she sucks major ass but you're not in the right.
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nta - when you have roommates, you have to be considerate about their time/space. she was being selfish and you’ve finally stood up for everyone. someone had to do something for her to get a wake up call. it’s not fair for 5 people to not get any sleep because someone wants to get dick in the middle of the night and struggle throughout the day. everyone pays for rent and tuition and it’s not fair everyone can’t live in peace because your roommate is being a loud monkey in her room every night. if she wants to have loud sex, then she should get her own place and be as loud as she want then.
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esh, but honestly, you more so. yes, you were frustrated, and no, her behavior wasn’t great. but...you were a real asshole to her! you literally told her, while she was naked (an intensely vulnerable moment!) and crying that *nobody liked her, not even that guy she was fucking*. it’s also pretty weird to walk in on someone fucking and then just refuse to leave. and you say you “sent her a message”...which is...a touch disturbing.
yea, she was having a bunch of loud sex. but...this really should’ve been address in a more constructive way.
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yta. what the fuck? are you 16? because that’s how a 16 year old would handle things.
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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YTA
| 0.264545 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (20m) live in a flat with 5 others at university. there is one girl (20f), who's a bit of a...problem she always brings guys back and has loud audible sex with them. very loud. and it annoys all of us, we have early starts in the morning and well tell her to keep it down but she doesn't listen. we told security and they didn't do shit. so we also all have exams soon and essay deadlines. and yesterday, she does it again, brings a guy back and starts having loud sex. we're all awake on this and post on the flat chat (but she wasn't going to see it anyway until after she was done having sex). i have an early start and had to be somewhere by 7am and it was 2am while this was happening. i had had enough. i banged on her door and she wouldn't open it. i bang again and she doesn't open. so i try to open it and...it's unlocked, they must have forgotten to lock it given that they came back drunk. so i walk in and see them having sex. they both quickly see me and freak out. she says to me ''what the fuck?!!'' but i look over to the guy, the guy was a bit short and really skinny, there's no way in hell he would be a threat to me and he looked way more nervous than she does. she keeps saying ''what the fuck?!! get out!!'' and i say to her ''i've had enough of your fucking shit. we've all had enough of your fucking shit, you piece of shit. we're trying to sleep''. the guy is standing there awkwardly so i tell him ''get the fuck out'' and he doesn't do anything just stands there awkwardly, so i tell him ''i'll fucking call security, and i've got 4 other flatmates to back me up, our words against yours so get the fuck out!!'' and he gets his clothes on and runs out the flat. so the ''problem'' girl starts crying and i tell her that she needs to sort her life out, i then to say to her ''please leave this flat, move out. no one here fucking likes you, not even that guy you just fucked likes you enough to stay'' and she screams at me and calls me fucking cunt and asshole. i then leave and go to back to my room. i told the others what happened and they agreed with me, there's nothing else i could have done. in fact they thanked me, at least we could get to sleep and now we sent her a message, aita? **to those saying that the other flatmates are all guys, that's not true. aside from the bitch, there are two girls, and the rest guy.** **to the people telling me that i should have spoken nicely to her, i said in the first few paragraphs i already did this. me and the other flatmates asked her nicely to stop on several occasions and she didn't follow through. what she did was say ''okay'' and then continue to do the same shit. i'm writing this as a clarification for those comments.**
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (20m) live in a flat with 5 others at university. there is one girl (20f), who's a bit of a...problem she always brings guys back and has loud audible sex with them. very loud. and it annoys all of us, we have early starts in the morning and well tell her to keep it down but she doesn't listen. we told security and they didn't do shit. so we also all have exams soon and essay deadlines. and yesterday, she does it again, brings a guy back and starts having loud sex. we're all awake on this and post on the flat chat (but she wasn't going to see it anyway until after she was done having sex). i have an early start and had to be somewhere by 7am and it was 2am while this was happening. i had had enough. i banged on her door and she wouldn't open it. i bang again and she doesn't open. so i try to open it and...it's unlocked, they must have forgotten to lock it given that they came back drunk. so i walk in and see them having sex. they both quickly see me and freak out. she says to me ''what the fuck?!!'' but i look over to the guy, the guy was a bit short and really skinny, there's no way in hell he would be a threat to me and he looked way more nervous than she does. she keeps saying ''what the fuck?!! get out!!'' and i say to her ''i've had enough of your fucking shit. we've all had enough of your fucking shit, you piece of shit. we're trying to sleep''. the guy is standing there awkwardly so i tell him ''get the fuck out'' and he doesn't do anything just stands there awkwardly, so i tell him ''i'll fucking call security, and i've got 4 other flatmates to back me up, our words against yours so get the fuck out!!'' and he gets his clothes on and runs out the flat. so the ''problem'' girl starts crying and i tell her that she needs to sort her life out, i then to say to her ''please leave this flat, move out. no one here fucking likes you, not even that guy you just fucked likes you enough to stay'' and she screams at me and calls me fucking cunt and asshole. i then leave and go to back to my room. i told the others what happened and they agreed with me, there's nothing else i could have done. in fact they thanked me, at least we could get to sleep and now we sent her a message, aita? **to those saying that the other flatmates are all guys, that's not true. aside from the bitch, there are two girls, and the rest guy.** **to the people telling me that i should have spoken nicely to her, i said in the first few paragraphs i already did this. me and the other flatmates asked her nicely to stop on several occasions and she didn't follow through. what she did was say ''okay'' and then continue to do the same shit. i'm writing this as a clarification for those comments.** [/INST] yta holy shit i hope this is a troll post otherwise you have some serious issues. trying to the scare the naked guy she’s having sex jeez. </s>
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AITA for refusing to watch my sister's stepkid and exposing her lies to her husband?
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my f/21 sister jess, f/30, is married and has a 5 yo stepson. her husband works full time and she is a sahm.
every monday, she'd call my mom at 9am to get her to go over to her house and watch her stepkid for few hours, i live at home with my parents and so i've noticed this routine for weeks now.
last week mom went out of town to visit some relatives, and yesterday (monday) at 9am my sister called asking me to come watch her stepkid for few hours because she had an important thing to do. i said no because i had to go study and also she does this every monday so clearly it wasn't important or urgent but she insisted it was, i told her sorry but no. she ended the call then i went to the university.
hours later, i got a call from my brother in law asking where my sister was, i said i had no idea. he proceeded to tell me he just came home at 1pm and found his son by himself at the house. i was in shock that my sister left her stepkid by himself so she could go god knows where. i told him about the conversation i had with her and he got angry.
in the evening my sister came over and started making a scene by yelling at me for bailing on her after she sent me a text message telling me she was already out the house to force me to come watch her stepson. i didn't see the fb message til she told me but she said i did this deliberately and also, exposed her to her husband because she told him she'd be at home with the kid. not just that, but i also told her husband that mom comes over every monday morning to watch the kid for few hours which caused a huge fight between him and my sister. she yelled that i was petty and selfish and just stirred shit and caused issues in her marriage by tattling to her husband. i couldn't keep arguing i went into my room and started playing music. my dad and the others said i was to blame for not helping my sister and now being the reason she and her husband are in conflict.
aita?
okay guys so i saw few questions asked multiple times so i'll just put the answers out here for all to see.
1) my brother in law's wife is deceased.
2) brother in law is always at work when my sister calls my mom to get her to come over and watch her stepson.
3) most of you guys are asking where my sister goes every monday, and i even saw someone mention that i was yta for not finding out, but i don't know anything, i have no idea what's going with my sister and i thought it was non of my business.
| 23,190 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s74e8q/aita_for_refusing_to_watch_my_sisters_stepkid_and/
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2022-01-18 18:36:16
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nta. so is your sister having an affair, or is she a drug addict?
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nta a 30 year old does not need this coddling. she left a 5 year old alone for who knows how long to get into who knows what trouble. the 5 year old needs some coddling. not the grown woman who made a knowing and conscious decision to marry a man with a young son. hope he divorces her.
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nta, this is bonkers. she left a 5 y.o. alone, counting on a messaging app on a social network and your sense of concern for a child to make sure her responsibilities were covered. i don't think going out one morning a week is a problem for a sahm, but lying to your husband about it and forcing your relatives to cover it? no, sir.
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nta. i hope her husband questions her on what exactly she does and where she goes when she's supposed to be watching the kid. that's sketchy af.
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nta and i can't believe your family members are saying you are. she left a 5 year old alone. she is the ah.
also i'm nosy af, what does she do every monday????
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nta. you are not the childcare. you do not have a contract or agreement to do it. she assumed she could guilt you into it at the last minute. good for you for standing your ground.
she created this mess, not you. she will have to fix this mess, not you. her web of lies fell apart.
i feel badly for the kid & bil (but bil made a choice, probably not the kid).
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nta. but your sister sure is. as are your parents for enabling her lies to her husband. you didn't cause this, she did, with her lies. did she ever say what was so important every monday? a different guy maybe? you are definitely nta.
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**not only are you nta, but let's be extremely, exceptionally, absolutely crystal clear about something here:**
>my dad and the others said i was to blame for not helping my sister and now being the reason she and her husband are in conflict.
you are not to blame for any of this. **your sister is to blame for every single aspect of this, and there are plenty.** just for fun, let's enumerate some of them:
1) you are not to blame for "not helping your sister" in a situation where she only needed help in the first place to cover up for a lie that she still hasn't come clean about, and which is likely seriously problematic, since she's been keeping it from her husband for weeks, if not longer. not helping someone be sneaky and dishonest is not a character flaw on your part.
2) you are absolutely not "the reason she and her husband are in conflict". she is a 30 year old woman who made a deliberate and voluntary choice to leave a 5-year-old child alone for hours. that's not just piss-poor judgement, it's child neglect and completely illegal. it's also not your responsibility. you didn't hold a gun to her head and force her not to take care of her stepchild, a responsibility she willingly took on and agreed to with her husband. she made that choice all by herself. in the eyes of the law she is completely culpable; and ethically she is as well. none of this is on you.
3) you are not to blame for the fact that she is seemingly incapable of taking responsibility for her own behaviour, and the rest of your family enable that, even when she endangers a child.
nope. you are nta, and good for you for saying something to your brother-in-law. he deserves to know that his wife is a liar and a danger to his small child. you may be the only decent person in your family.
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nta. a facebook msg??? jesus.
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nta in the slightest. **she** choose to leave her stepson unattended. not you. **she** decided that a daily (and most likely not important) thing was more important than her stepson. not you. **she** choose to abuse the kindness of your parents. not you. **she** is at fault for getting **herself** exposed. not you. **she** decided to put her step child in danger. not you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my f/21 sister jess, f/30, is married and has a 5 yo stepson. her husband works full time and she is a sahm. every monday, she'd call my mom at 9am to get her to go over to her house and watch her stepkid for few hours, i live at home with my parents and so i've noticed this routine for weeks now. last week mom went out of town to visit some relatives, and yesterday (monday) at 9am my sister called asking me to come watch her stepkid for few hours because she had an important thing to do. i said no because i had to go study and also she does this every monday so clearly it wasn't important or urgent but she insisted it was, i told her sorry but no. she ended the call then i went to the university. hours later, i got a call from my brother in law asking where my sister was, i said i had no idea. he proceeded to tell me he just came home at 1pm and found his son by himself at the house. i was in shock that my sister left her stepkid by himself so she could go god knows where. i told him about the conversation i had with her and he got angry. in the evening my sister came over and started making a scene by yelling at me for bailing on her after she sent me a text message telling me she was already out the house to force me to come watch her stepson. i didn't see the fb message til she told me but she said i did this deliberately and also, exposed her to her husband because she told him she'd be at home with the kid. not just that, but i also told her husband that mom comes over every monday morning to watch the kid for few hours which caused a huge fight between him and my sister. she yelled that i was petty and selfish and just stirred shit and caused issues in her marriage by tattling to her husband. i couldn't keep arguing i went into my room and started playing music. my dad and the others said i was to blame for not helping my sister and now being the reason she and her husband are in conflict. aita? okay guys so i saw few questions asked multiple times so i'll just put the answers out here for all to see. 1) my brother in law's wife is deceased. 2) brother in law is always at work when my sister calls my mom to get her to come over and watch her stepson. 3) most of you guys are asking where my sister goes every monday, and i even saw someone mention that i was yta for not finding out, but i don't know anything, i have no idea what's going with my sister and i thought it was non of my business.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my f/21 sister jess, f/30, is married and has a 5 yo stepson. her husband works full time and she is a sahm. every monday, she'd call my mom at 9am to get her to go over to her house and watch her stepkid for few hours, i live at home with my parents and so i've noticed this routine for weeks now. last week mom went out of town to visit some relatives, and yesterday (monday) at 9am my sister called asking me to come watch her stepkid for few hours because she had an important thing to do. i said no because i had to go study and also she does this every monday so clearly it wasn't important or urgent but she insisted it was, i told her sorry but no. she ended the call then i went to the university. hours later, i got a call from my brother in law asking where my sister was, i said i had no idea. he proceeded to tell me he just came home at 1pm and found his son by himself at the house. i was in shock that my sister left her stepkid by himself so she could go god knows where. i told him about the conversation i had with her and he got angry. in the evening my sister came over and started making a scene by yelling at me for bailing on her after she sent me a text message telling me she was already out the house to force me to come watch her stepson. i didn't see the fb message til she told me but she said i did this deliberately and also, exposed her to her husband because she told him she'd be at home with the kid. not just that, but i also told her husband that mom comes over every monday morning to watch the kid for few hours which caused a huge fight between him and my sister. she yelled that i was petty and selfish and just stirred shit and caused issues in her marriage by tattling to her husband. i couldn't keep arguing i went into my room and started playing music. my dad and the others said i was to blame for not helping my sister and now being the reason she and her husband are in conflict. aita? okay guys so i saw few questions asked multiple times so i'll just put the answers out here for all to see. 1) my brother in law's wife is deceased. 2) brother in law is always at work when my sister calls my mom to get her to come over and watch her stepson. 3) most of you guys are asking where my sister goes every monday, and i even saw someone mention that i was yta for not finding out, but i don't know anything, i have no idea what's going with my sister and i thought it was non of my business. [/INST] nta. so is your sister having an affair, or is she a drug addict? </s>
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AITA for sitting back and doing nothing when mom told my wife that she'd take us to court for grandparents right?
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this situation is a bit of a mess. i'll just mention the relevent conflict at hand.
so my wife liz and i have been married for 7 years. we have preschool age kids, and because we currently live in the same city as my parents. mom would take the kids while my wife and i work.
liz is the one with a much larger income, she got an even better job opportunity that is requiring us to move to another city. i agreed since i could easily find a job in my field in the city we're moving to. but after my family heard we were selling the house to move, hell broke loose.
sunday, mom and liz got into a huge fight because liz told mom we'll move away and hire a babysitter for the kids so she's no longer "needed". mom said she doesn't want her grandkids moving away, even said we should let the kids live at her house while we move. liz laughed at her and mom lost it basically saying that liz was an ungrateful witch and that her grandkids moving will only happen over her dead body. they began exchanging harsher words and liz snapped and told mom to butt out of private matters that don't concern her. and said that she had no right to decide things regarding the kids. mom firmly told her she was dead wrong and proceeded to tell her that she, as an involved grandmother, knows her rights and she will be taking liz and me to court to ensure she still gets to see her grankids. liz was in shock, she looked to the left and saw me sitting there not saying or doing anything. she told me to check my mom but i told her she was being unfair to mom and that mom had to feel upset because she will no longer be able to see her grandchildren - i honestly told liz that she was a bit selfish to not consider my mom's feelings and her crucial presence in the kids life first. liz started arguing with me saying she couldn't believe i didn't stand behind her and defend her after hearing mom saying she'd get the court involved. i said mom was upset and can not be blamed for her reaction. liz started yelling at me calling me unsupportive and an enabler then went home with the kids, insisting my family is my problem and i should handle it although this whole moving thing was her idea.
situation hasn't been resolved and liz and mom are getting more intense in their fights. i choose to stay out of it because both have valid arguments but liz has called me awful for not siding with her after seeing how mom spoke to her and being okay with the fact that mom was willing to cause us issues in court.
aita? i get that liz wants my support but i feel like mom has been punished through no fault of her own after being a loving grandmother to my kids.
| 15,716 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/snu4c8/aita_for_sitting_back_and_doing_nothing_when_mom/
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2022-02-08 20:34:31
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yta. your mom threatened to **take your family to court so she can get custody of the kids** (she wants them to *live* with her). that is a disproportionate reaction to being told that someone is *moving*. are you okay with moving to a new city? sounds like you are. why would you ever let anyone threaten your wife with court for doing something incredibly beneficial for your family? why would you let someone **threaten** you instead of offering to get on a plane to see you?
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>insisting my family is my problem and i should handle it although this whole moving thing was her idea.
it may have been her idea, but you agreed to it. if you had an issue with moving, you should have had that conversation with your wife. agreeing with it to your wife's face and then letting your mom do the dirty work of fighting her about it is cowardly and passive aggressive. the fact that you are continuing to sit there like a bump on a log while your relatives harass your wife is failing hardcore as a spouse.
get your mother out of your marriage or you won't *have* a marriage.
yta.
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lol you're spineless, and yta. thats your family and kids, your mother doesnt get to decide and at no point does being upset allow you to be unhinged like your mom.
absolutely pathetic behavior.
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yta. yta. yta.
are you effing serious!!!!
* op said:
* **told her she was being unfair to mom and that mom had to feel upset because she will no longer be able to see her grandchildren - i honestly told liz that she was a bit selfish to not consider my mom's feelings and her crucial presence in the kids life first**
you are the biggest asshole for this.
**how do you stand back and not support your wife.** you are placing all of the blame on your wife.
look at how easily your mother went disrespectful to your wife. *grandma can jump her ass on a plane or use the all of these appss such as facetime/zoom/ skype/ whatsapp/text/duo etc etc etc to see her precious grandchildren*
* **your mother can not dictate what you and your wife do in your lives**
your mom does not financially provide for your children. she is involved in babysitting and being a grandmother.
i hope when your wife finishes with your mother in court, she goes straight to divorce court and leaves your sorry self with your "mommy"
dude you are such the asshole.
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yta. you married and had kids with liz, not your mother. are you really okay with your mom threatening to take your children?
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yta x 1000.
you should've put your mom in her place, and in no uncertain terms. her behaviour and threats are outrageous!
(or maybe, when your wife and kids move, you should stay behind with your mommy?)
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lol, waiting for the “my wife wants a divorce and i don’t know what i did wrong” update. yta, and a soon to be divorced and living with your mom asshole, but at least she’ll still get to see your kids when you get visitation! silver linings
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looks like poor liz will be going to court twice.
once for a restraining order for your overbearing psycho mother, and the second to divorce your spineless self.
good thing she has the income.
yta
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yta- your mom has raised her kids, she doesn't get to insult your wife and threaten court dates because you guys are moving. support your wife or you'll be back living with your mom as well. no one is punishing your mom, it's called life and things happen.
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info: do you agree with your mom that the kids should stay with her after you move?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this situation is a bit of a mess. i'll just mention the relevent conflict at hand. so my wife liz and i have been married for 7 years. we have preschool age kids, and because we currently live in the same city as my parents. mom would take the kids while my wife and i work. liz is the one with a much larger income, she got an even better job opportunity that is requiring us to move to another city. i agreed since i could easily find a job in my field in the city we're moving to. but after my family heard we were selling the house to move, hell broke loose. sunday, mom and liz got into a huge fight because liz told mom we'll move away and hire a babysitter for the kids so she's no longer "needed". mom said she doesn't want her grandkids moving away, even said we should let the kids live at her house while we move. liz laughed at her and mom lost it basically saying that liz was an ungrateful witch and that her grandkids moving will only happen over her dead body. they began exchanging harsher words and liz snapped and told mom to butt out of private matters that don't concern her. and said that she had no right to decide things regarding the kids. mom firmly told her she was dead wrong and proceeded to tell her that she, as an involved grandmother, knows her rights and she will be taking liz and me to court to ensure she still gets to see her grankids. liz was in shock, she looked to the left and saw me sitting there not saying or doing anything. she told me to check my mom but i told her she was being unfair to mom and that mom had to feel upset because she will no longer be able to see her grandchildren - i honestly told liz that she was a bit selfish to not consider my mom's feelings and her crucial presence in the kids life first. liz started arguing with me saying she couldn't believe i didn't stand behind her and defend her after hearing mom saying she'd get the court involved. i said mom was upset and can not be blamed for her reaction. liz started yelling at me calling me unsupportive and an enabler then went home with the kids, insisting my family is my problem and i should handle it although this whole moving thing was her idea. situation hasn't been resolved and liz and mom are getting more intense in their fights. i choose to stay out of it because both have valid arguments but liz has called me awful for not siding with her after seeing how mom spoke to her and being okay with the fact that mom was willing to cause us issues in court. aita? i get that liz wants my support but i feel like mom has been punished through no fault of her own after being a loving grandmother to my kids.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this situation is a bit of a mess. i'll just mention the relevent conflict at hand. so my wife liz and i have been married for 7 years. we have preschool age kids, and because we currently live in the same city as my parents. mom would take the kids while my wife and i work. liz is the one with a much larger income, she got an even better job opportunity that is requiring us to move to another city. i agreed since i could easily find a job in my field in the city we're moving to. but after my family heard we were selling the house to move, hell broke loose. sunday, mom and liz got into a huge fight because liz told mom we'll move away and hire a babysitter for the kids so she's no longer "needed". mom said she doesn't want her grandkids moving away, even said we should let the kids live at her house while we move. liz laughed at her and mom lost it basically saying that liz was an ungrateful witch and that her grandkids moving will only happen over her dead body. they began exchanging harsher words and liz snapped and told mom to butt out of private matters that don't concern her. and said that she had no right to decide things regarding the kids. mom firmly told her she was dead wrong and proceeded to tell her that she, as an involved grandmother, knows her rights and she will be taking liz and me to court to ensure she still gets to see her grankids. liz was in shock, she looked to the left and saw me sitting there not saying or doing anything. she told me to check my mom but i told her she was being unfair to mom and that mom had to feel upset because she will no longer be able to see her grandchildren - i honestly told liz that she was a bit selfish to not consider my mom's feelings and her crucial presence in the kids life first. liz started arguing with me saying she couldn't believe i didn't stand behind her and defend her after hearing mom saying she'd get the court involved. i said mom was upset and can not be blamed for her reaction. liz started yelling at me calling me unsupportive and an enabler then went home with the kids, insisting my family is my problem and i should handle it although this whole moving thing was her idea. situation hasn't been resolved and liz and mom are getting more intense in their fights. i choose to stay out of it because both have valid arguments but liz has called me awful for not siding with her after seeing how mom spoke to her and being okay with the fact that mom was willing to cause us issues in court. aita? i get that liz wants my support but i feel like mom has been punished through no fault of her own after being a loving grandmother to my kids. [/INST] yta. your mom threatened to **take your family to court so she can get custody of the kids** (she wants them to *live* with her). that is a disproportionate reaction to being told that someone is *moving*. are you okay with moving to a new city? sounds like you are. why would you ever let anyone threaten your wife with court for doing something incredibly beneficial for your family? why would you let someone **threaten** you instead of offering to get on a plane to see you? </s>
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AITA for enforcing a rule equally?
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i (43m) have an eight year old son (s) who's a good boy but, like most kids his age, will unfortunately often copy things he sees other people/kids doing, not understanding that it's wrong. recently he called me by my first name during a conversation, and i was shocked. i admonished him, and he told me his best friend (f) calls his dad by his first name.
i explained to s that children referring to adults by their first name is rude, and it was disrespectful for his friend to do that. i didn't punish him, because he didn't know, but i made sure he understood the behavior wasn't acceptable. everything was fine until yesterday.
my wife arranged a playdate for the boys, and since monday is my day to pick up our son, i picked up both s and f from school. they were talking in the backseat, and i heard f refer to his father by his first name. i needed to reinforce the rule with my son, or he would be confused. so i told f that it was rude of him to call his father by his name.
f spoke back to me, saying that was what he called his dad. i reiterated that it was disrespectful and asked him to remember his manners while he was in my car. he got quiet, and the boys didn't talk much after that. i figured he was thinking about what i said.
we'd only been home ten minutes when f's father showed up to retrieve his son. he didn't explain why he was so early, just picked up his son and left.
an hour ago i got a text from him calling me a major a and telling me i was way out of line trying to parent his son. he told me i had disrespected his child, which makes no sense at all, as he's a third grader, not a peer. i think this guy is a little wacky, but my wife thinks i shouldn't be trying to parent someone else's child, as i wouldn't want anyone else to parent our son.
she has a point, but i wasn't really trying to parent him, just keep my son from being confused. aita?
| 3,550 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/syphdi/aita_for_enforcing_a_rule_equally/
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2022-02-22 14:54:10
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yta.
your wife is right. you don't get to make rules for this other guy's son.
feels like this is more of a power trip thing than anything else. silly rule. being called by your first name isn't "disrespectful."
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>children referring to adults by their first name is rude
it's not. but i can see how someone who is insecure in their parenthood would think so.
yta for parenting your son's friend over something so utterly trivial, and yta for parenting your own son like that.
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yta. you don't get to enforce what *other children* call their parents. that is not for you to decide. furthermore, you have absolutely no idea as to why this child refers to his parents by their first name, but you went ahead and decided it was rude and that you had power to control this.
also, your kid is 8. he's more than old enough to start learning that some families follow very different rules than his own family and that's okay.
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'he's a third grader, not a peer.' respect isn't something you show to only your peers, dude. if you don't treat others with respect, they won't respect you - it doesn't matter their age, gender, social status etc. and this mentality of not treating children with respect will lead to them thinking it's alright to disrespect others. saying someone is 'a little wacky' because they want you to treat their child with respect and ask you not to parent them isn't right. it's understandable that you don't want your son to call you by your first name and think it's disrespectful, and it seems you've explained that to him and ensured he understands. but i don't think it's any of your business what someone else's kid has been told to call their father. as long as it isn't affecting you i don't see how it's something you have to comment on as the child has been taught to call his dad that and if you really had an issue you could have a civil conversation with the father about it. just like you said, you wouldn't want anyone else to parent your son. yta.
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yta
you have no idea what goes on in that house. is he dad, step dad, is the kid in foster care, adopted.
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yta. different strokes for different folks. gosh, i hope they don't have a different religion than you...
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yta you don't know anything about that boy's home situation. if his father is ok with his son calling him by his first name then it is not rude or disrespectful because that's what the dad wants. is he the boy's biological father? step father? you don't know. i get that for you it is your wish your son call you by dad. then you focus on your son. after the playdate, remind him that no matter what the friend does, he is should not be doing the same. but to pull the whole 'this is my car, act how i want' card is ridiculous. not your kid and not your business to correct him on how he talks regarding his parents.
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yta that child is in a different family and different families have different rules. heck there’s a bluey episode about this. there were better ways to go about this and you owe that family and that child an apology. also need to explain to your son why you were in the wrong.
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yta. don't parent other people's children. this certainly won't be the last time you will set up rules for your kid that other parents don't share so you need to figure out how to address that in the future without overstepping boundaries.
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yta. you can make rules for what your own child calls people. you can make rules for what other children call you. but you can’t make rules for what other children call other people.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (43m) have an eight year old son (s) who's a good boy but, like most kids his age, will unfortunately often copy things he sees other people/kids doing, not understanding that it's wrong. recently he called me by my first name during a conversation, and i was shocked. i admonished him, and he told me his best friend (f) calls his dad by his first name. i explained to s that children referring to adults by their first name is rude, and it was disrespectful for his friend to do that. i didn't punish him, because he didn't know, but i made sure he understood the behavior wasn't acceptable. everything was fine until yesterday. my wife arranged a playdate for the boys, and since monday is my day to pick up our son, i picked up both s and f from school. they were talking in the backseat, and i heard f refer to his father by his first name. i needed to reinforce the rule with my son, or he would be confused. so i told f that it was rude of him to call his father by his name. f spoke back to me, saying that was what he called his dad. i reiterated that it was disrespectful and asked him to remember his manners while he was in my car. he got quiet, and the boys didn't talk much after that. i figured he was thinking about what i said. we'd only been home ten minutes when f's father showed up to retrieve his son. he didn't explain why he was so early, just picked up his son and left. an hour ago i got a text from him calling me a major a and telling me i was way out of line trying to parent his son. he told me i had disrespected his child, which makes no sense at all, as he's a third grader, not a peer. i think this guy is a little wacky, but my wife thinks i shouldn't be trying to parent someone else's child, as i wouldn't want anyone else to parent our son. she has a point, but i wasn't really trying to parent him, just keep my son from being confused. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (43m) have an eight year old son (s) who's a good boy but, like most kids his age, will unfortunately often copy things he sees other people/kids doing, not understanding that it's wrong. recently he called me by my first name during a conversation, and i was shocked. i admonished him, and he told me his best friend (f) calls his dad by his first name. i explained to s that children referring to adults by their first name is rude, and it was disrespectful for his friend to do that. i didn't punish him, because he didn't know, but i made sure he understood the behavior wasn't acceptable. everything was fine until yesterday. my wife arranged a playdate for the boys, and since monday is my day to pick up our son, i picked up both s and f from school. they were talking in the backseat, and i heard f refer to his father by his first name. i needed to reinforce the rule with my son, or he would be confused. so i told f that it was rude of him to call his father by his name. f spoke back to me, saying that was what he called his dad. i reiterated that it was disrespectful and asked him to remember his manners while he was in my car. he got quiet, and the boys didn't talk much after that. i figured he was thinking about what i said. we'd only been home ten minutes when f's father showed up to retrieve his son. he didn't explain why he was so early, just picked up his son and left. an hour ago i got a text from him calling me a major a and telling me i was way out of line trying to parent his son. he told me i had disrespected his child, which makes no sense at all, as he's a third grader, not a peer. i think this guy is a little wacky, but my wife thinks i shouldn't be trying to parent someone else's child, as i wouldn't want anyone else to parent our son. she has a point, but i wasn't really trying to parent him, just keep my son from being confused. aita? [/INST] yta. your wife is right. you don't get to make rules for this other guy's son. feels like this is more of a power trip thing than anything else. silly rule. being called by your first name isn't "disrespectful." </s>
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AITA for dancing half naked in my living room leading to my bf and his family seeing me?
| 21,177 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pf77my/aita_for_dancing_half_naked_in_my_living_room/
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2021-08-31 14:40:53
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nta. you should never be embarrassed for dancing like an idiot to a song you like. who cares that you were in underwear. no one was home at the time.
oh and giving you the silent treatment is a huge red flag. it’s emotional abuse.
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nta, nate is a total asshole here. he tells you that you will have the apartment to yourself and then decides to surprise you with what exactly? a visit from his family? wow what a great surprise. he has no right to be upset at you, you didn't know anyone was gonna be home. he also has no right to insult you, never in a relationship should your significant other insult you.
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wait. your boyfriend is angry at you because he walked in on you? am i tracking this correctly?
no. nta. you are allowed to do what you want in your house. why would he even bring people by without giving a heads up anyways. that’s just so weird.
and please don’t get me started on mom. shes off her rocker. you don’t get to go insult someone ***in their home*** don’t want a show? send a text before just walking in.
there’s so much audacity here i just don’t even know.
what i do know is you owe **nobody** an apology you did **nothing** wrong. they owe you ***many***. their behavior was completely and utterly unacceptable and you need to sit down and really evaluate and see what is happening here. this is in no way this is a normal, acceptable or even reasonable response to ***their*** error.
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op you sound delightful. don’t ever let anyone judge your joy.
he lied to you. he said you would have the place to yourself. it’s your home. you’re allowed to be yourself at home.
what a stupid stupid stupid surprise on his part- that was really just awful. it was mean, judgmental, and he shamed you for being yourself in your own private space.
if i were you i would be livid with my man.
he tricked you. he 100% tricked you. he promised you one thing, did the opposite, and then shamed you when you didn’t act how he wanted you to act in private. it’s like he was setting you up!
never stop dancing. never stop baking. never stop doing the things that make you feel joy and happiness. do not ever compromise those parts of you for someone else.
when you are older and looking back, those will be the little pieces of your soul you will miss most if you give them up.
i am almost 40 and i dance every day. on purpose. dancing is one small thing humans can do to bring joy. why on earth would someone not want you to feel your full joy?
nta, op. please don’t change. please evaluate why you are allowing another human to shame you, though- does he see your gifts and your joy? or does he temper it and expect you to act a certain way and then be disappointed when you don’t? that’s not love.
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if i walked in on my son’s significant other doing this i’d have smiled, quietly laughed and cleaned the kitchen while you got back into regular clothes, clicked my tongue and said i was sorry to spoil your fun but was looking forward to trying your baking if you were willing to share. and then later i’d give my son a tongue lashing for making his so feel that he had to leave the house to embrace this side of herself.
edit :: yall thank you so much for the awards *blushes*
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nta, also if you are with a man who is angry that his girlfriend is in lingerie baking things and he doesn’t like your cupcakes he just might not be the right man for you or really anyone else.
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nta
them yelling at you and being verbally down putting for an accident is a red flag imo. you were told you had the place to yourself, and you were doing things that you enjoy. that's not your fault at all, but i understand being embarrassed in the moment! but in general, nothing that would make you an asshole. on a side note, him not liking your baking is kinda sus.
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nta. it's completely unreasonable for anyone to hold you to any expectation of behavior while at home by yourself. and when you pop in to surprise someone with no warning, you might get a surprise for yourself.
>i also know his sister told him to make me behave or smn
wtf country is is this... are you property or like a pet or something? don't apologize for whatever you were doing, and don't accept any criticism, and definitely don't tolerate insults from nate or anyone else. he should be apologizing to you for putting you in that situation.
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nta...**.are you sure you want to be involved with a man and a family that has absolutely no sense of humour**...maybe it's a cultural thing because in the uk that kind of embarrassing moment is what most of our comedies especially rom coms are made up of..my family and my husband's family would have not only not been upset but they would have viewed it as fabulous ammunition for teasing later...
they need to remove the broom handles from their....
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nta dump nate. he and his family had no right to be upset that they came into your space unannounced and got an eyeful. getting mad at you because his selfish plan didn't work the way he wanted should be an immediate dealbreaker.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta. you should never be embarrassed for dancing like an idiot to a song you like. who cares that you were in underwear. no one was home at the time. oh and giving you the silent treatment is a huge red flag. it’s emotional abuse. </s>
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AITA for not wanting my ex husband's new daughter to have a complementary Frozen name to the one our daughter already has?
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my (31f) ex husband (35m) got married less than six months ago with his girlfriend (25f) and she got pregnant very fast, recently he told me that they were having a girl.
i am a huge fan of the movie frozen, so when our daughter (6f) was born i wanted to name her elsa and my husband agreed to that. i know it is a little dumb to name your kids after things like that but it is not an super unusual or ugly name, it is pretty and it means a lot to me. my husband and i divorced when our daughter was 3, we don't hate each other but we are not best friends either.
the issue with the new baby is that he explained to me that after he told his new wife the story behind the name of elsa, she proposed that their daughter should be named anna, so they could be sisters like in the movie. for me it is totally unfair that they are stealing my naming process from me like that. what if i have another daughter? it would have been perfect to name her anna and now i wouldn't be able to do it without it looking like i am stealing from them. my husband doesn't even like frozen that much. he always said his favorite disney animated movie was bolt. i don't know if the mother likes frozen but i am totally sure she doesn't like it as much as me.
i demanded to him that they choose another name but he thinks i am acting crazy. i called my divorce lawyer but she doesn't think there is anything we can do about this. my mother just laughed at me. i feel so defeated. my sadness turned into anger and, in an impulse of rage, i called my ex husband. i told him that if they insisted with using that name, i would made everything i could to sabotage the relationship between our daughter and theirs, so they never were real sisters like elsa and anna. he got really angry and said horrible things to me.
i immediately regretted saying what i said and it is not true, i would never do that, but this whole situation has been so horrible for me and now he is really angry too. i think that i am ultimately in the rigth about why they shouldn't use that name but i was wrong in saying what i said. i want to insist on them picking another name but without going too far.
am i the asshole?
| 6,693 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zlvbir/aita_for_not_wanting_my_ex_husbands_new_daughter/
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2022-12-14 16:25:27
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yta. take a cue from your favorite movie and let it go.
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yta
did he ask for your input on names for his daughter? if not (i'm sure he didn't), then it's very inappropriate for you to even comment.
let it go, let it go!!
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>i am a huge fan of the movie frozen, so when our daughter (6f) was born i wanted to name her elsa and my husband agreed to that. i know it is a little dumb to name your kids after things like that but it is not an super unusual or ugly name, it is pretty and it means a lot to me.
>
>...
>
>for me it is totally unfair that they are ***stealing my naming process*** from me like that.
your "naming process" is copying a top-grossing children's movie. if you think you are at all unique or special, or that the names elsa and anna didn't get a huge worldwide bump after the films released, you are deluding yourself.
what's more, you have no right to dictate another person's naming choices whatsoever. why would you have any say in this? what legal action did you imagine you might have? it's a bizarre break from reality.
>i would made everything i could to sabotage the relationship between our daughter and theirs, so they never were real sisters like elsa and anna. he got really angry and said horrible things to me.
you are a literal evil stepmother in a disney film. that's what you are right now. you are, of course, also an asshole.
yta
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yta
1) the name anna has been around a lot longer than that movie
2) not your kid, not your decision
3)if you do have another kid, you can still use anna. it's not like it's trademarked
4) you seriously contacted a lawyer about this? 🤨
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yta. the fact you called your lawyer over use of a name - a very common name at that, is a bit unhinged.
the step mom is trying to do something to include your daughter in her life with her new sister. they are a family too after all. it's not out if malice or spite.
let it go. (...see what i did there?)
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yta
spare me the existential crisis of a disney adult.
they *are* sisters whether you like it or not and anna is a very common name. i suggest you get over it.
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“but i am totally sure she doesn’t like it as much as me” are you 8 years old?
info: do you really care more about a name than your daughter?
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it’s been a while since we’ve had a “she stole my baby name!!” on here. i don’t miss them.
yta
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yta: you need counseling.
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yta
it’s none of your business what they name their daughter, nor do you have *any* say in it.
and contacting your lawyer about it was laughable, and threatening to sabotage the girl’s relationship with each other is petty, immature and completely asinine.
you’ve lost your grip on reality.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (31f) ex husband (35m) got married less than six months ago with his girlfriend (25f) and she got pregnant very fast, recently he told me that they were having a girl. i am a huge fan of the movie frozen, so when our daughter (6f) was born i wanted to name her elsa and my husband agreed to that. i know it is a little dumb to name your kids after things like that but it is not an super unusual or ugly name, it is pretty and it means a lot to me. my husband and i divorced when our daughter was 3, we don't hate each other but we are not best friends either. the issue with the new baby is that he explained to me that after he told his new wife the story behind the name of elsa, she proposed that their daughter should be named anna, so they could be sisters like in the movie. for me it is totally unfair that they are stealing my naming process from me like that. what if i have another daughter? it would have been perfect to name her anna and now i wouldn't be able to do it without it looking like i am stealing from them. my husband doesn't even like frozen that much. he always said his favorite disney animated movie was bolt. i don't know if the mother likes frozen but i am totally sure she doesn't like it as much as me. i demanded to him that they choose another name but he thinks i am acting crazy. i called my divorce lawyer but she doesn't think there is anything we can do about this. my mother just laughed at me. i feel so defeated. my sadness turned into anger and, in an impulse of rage, i called my ex husband. i told him that if they insisted with using that name, i would made everything i could to sabotage the relationship between our daughter and theirs, so they never were real sisters like elsa and anna. he got really angry and said horrible things to me. i immediately regretted saying what i said and it is not true, i would never do that, but this whole situation has been so horrible for me and now he is really angry too. i think that i am ultimately in the rigth about why they shouldn't use that name but i was wrong in saying what i said. i want to insist on them picking another name but without going too far. am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (31f) ex husband (35m) got married less than six months ago with his girlfriend (25f) and she got pregnant very fast, recently he told me that they were having a girl. i am a huge fan of the movie frozen, so when our daughter (6f) was born i wanted to name her elsa and my husband agreed to that. i know it is a little dumb to name your kids after things like that but it is not an super unusual or ugly name, it is pretty and it means a lot to me. my husband and i divorced when our daughter was 3, we don't hate each other but we are not best friends either. the issue with the new baby is that he explained to me that after he told his new wife the story behind the name of elsa, she proposed that their daughter should be named anna, so they could be sisters like in the movie. for me it is totally unfair that they are stealing my naming process from me like that. what if i have another daughter? it would have been perfect to name her anna and now i wouldn't be able to do it without it looking like i am stealing from them. my husband doesn't even like frozen that much. he always said his favorite disney animated movie was bolt. i don't know if the mother likes frozen but i am totally sure she doesn't like it as much as me. i demanded to him that they choose another name but he thinks i am acting crazy. i called my divorce lawyer but she doesn't think there is anything we can do about this. my mother just laughed at me. i feel so defeated. my sadness turned into anger and, in an impulse of rage, i called my ex husband. i told him that if they insisted with using that name, i would made everything i could to sabotage the relationship between our daughter and theirs, so they never were real sisters like elsa and anna. he got really angry and said horrible things to me. i immediately regretted saying what i said and it is not true, i would never do that, but this whole situation has been so horrible for me and now he is really angry too. i think that i am ultimately in the rigth about why they shouldn't use that name but i was wrong in saying what i said. i want to insist on them picking another name but without going too far. am i the asshole? [/INST] yta. take a cue from your favorite movie and let it go. </s>
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AITA for "lying to my cat"
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oh god this is stupid but i was told to ask others for their opinion so here i am
my (23f) girlfriend (19f) claims i suck for lying to my cat(2m). i don't like my cat roaming around the kitchen when i'm not there just because he might get his less-than-average-intelligence paws on something he shouldn't. so i gotta get him out of there when i leave. on a small shelf next to the door i keep a tiny bag of kitty treats and sometimes when he refuses to come when i call his name, i shake the little bag to get him out and close the door behind him.
enter the problem: i don't actually give him a treat every time i do this. sometimes i just pick him up and give him a big ol smooch. sometimes he gets a treat.
my girlfriend thinks this counts and being mean to my cat because he might be expecting a sweet little treat, and that disappointing him is cruel.
this isn't a serious fight. just something that sometimes comes up when i don't give him treats. it isn't creating problems between us, but this time she said "ask literally anyone else see if they think you're being fair" so we'll be reading the responses together
| 11,665 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kulkxn/aita_for_lying_to_my_cat/
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2021-01-10 19:57:39
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yta.
yours sincerely,
your cat.
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it's called operant conditioning using intermittent reinforcement, and it's the most effective way to change behavior and make it persistent.
i personally think it sucks especially since that's what social media is doing to us to keep us addicted to it. i always valued a trusting relationship with my cats and i even let them know ahead of time whenever they had to go to the vet.
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nta. what you're doing is fine. as long as he's healthy, eats and drinks enough, there's no harm in fooling him a little.
**suggestion:** get a red laser pointer and use that instead to lure him out if it helps your moral compass. my cat at least couldn't ignore it, trying to catch that damn thing like her life depended on it.
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that's exactly how you train dogs (i know this is about a cat but same principle). you get them to do something and give them a treat, then eventually you stop giving them food treats and change it to affection. you are nta. assuming the cat is well fed and cared for i really don't see an issue. you said the times you don't give the cat a treat it gets a cuddle. it's still a reward, as long as the cat is fine who cares....
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my girlfriend is really loving you guys atm i don't know if i'll fully stop lying to him, but i might increase his chances of getting a treat
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nta. cat: aita for being in the kitchen when no-one's there if the only reason i'm there is because i get treats or kisses every time?
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#cat tax.
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more info needed. i'm guessing the little furry guy is happy with the attention of getting a smooch? if that's enough of a reward in itself/makes him happy nah.
|
cat tax, cat tax ,cat tax, cat tax
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nah. intermittent reinforcement is a valid technique with both pets and small children. in many studies it's been shown to be more effective than giving them the reward every time.
|
YTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
INFO
| null |
NAH
| 0.248827 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: oh god this is stupid but i was told to ask others for their opinion so here i am my (23f) girlfriend (19f) claims i suck for lying to my cat(2m). i don't like my cat roaming around the kitchen when i'm not there just because he might get his less-than-average-intelligence paws on something he shouldn't. so i gotta get him out of there when i leave. on a small shelf next to the door i keep a tiny bag of kitty treats and sometimes when he refuses to come when i call his name, i shake the little bag to get him out and close the door behind him. enter the problem: i don't actually give him a treat every time i do this. sometimes i just pick him up and give him a big ol smooch. sometimes he gets a treat. my girlfriend thinks this counts and being mean to my cat because he might be expecting a sweet little treat, and that disappointing him is cruel. this isn't a serious fight. just something that sometimes comes up when i don't give him treats. it isn't creating problems between us, but this time she said "ask literally anyone else see if they think you're being fair" so we'll be reading the responses together
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
oh god this is stupid but i was told to ask others for their opinion so here i am my (23f) girlfriend (19f) claims i suck for lying to my cat(2m). i don't like my cat roaming around the kitchen when i'm not there just because he might get his less-than-average-intelligence paws on something he shouldn't. so i gotta get him out of there when i leave. on a small shelf next to the door i keep a tiny bag of kitty treats and sometimes when he refuses to come when i call his name, i shake the little bag to get him out and close the door behind him. enter the problem: i don't actually give him a treat every time i do this. sometimes i just pick him up and give him a big ol smooch. sometimes he gets a treat. my girlfriend thinks this counts and being mean to my cat because he might be expecting a sweet little treat, and that disappointing him is cruel. this isn't a serious fight. just something that sometimes comes up when i don't give him treats. it isn't creating problems between us, but this time she said "ask literally anyone else see if they think you're being fair" so we'll be reading the responses together [/INST] yta. yours sincerely, your cat. </s>
|
AITA for removing the stereo faceplate from my car before a long (3+ hours) drive because my GF wouldn't stop muting it to take/make phone calls?
|
to preface this i think i might have overreacted because honestly? i can't stand driving. i hate it. but i gotta get places and where i live that means driving.
little bit of info first, my car is an older car with the stereo that you can change the faceplate, like the buttons and stuff. a few years ago i sent it to a mechanic friend for a tune-up and he put bluetooth in it as a gift.
i occasionally(usually averages out to once or twice every 2-3 months) have to drive several hours to see a specialist for a medical condition i've had since i was born. over the last year or so my gf(r) has started to come with me, which i appreciate very much because i know hospitals bring back a lot of not-good memories for her.
for the issue at hand. r is very much a social butterfly and loves to talk on the phone. whenever she gets a call she'll reach over and turn the volume all the way down or mute it, not even pausing my music/podcast or whatever. it's an almost unconscious action. if i try to turn it back up, my hand either gets swatted away or i get told "this is important", or "i need to hear this". if this was once or twice during a drive it's whatever i don't care that much. but if it's a 3 hour drive, she's on the phone with friends or doing errands over the phone for at least half of it. we've had multiple talks about it, but she just either brushes me off or insists she's not on the phone for that long.
it drives me up a wall, i hate sitting in traffic listening to half a conversation that doesn't have anything to do with me, for hours. so this time before we left, i connected my bluetooth to the car and then took the faceplate off so the only way you could control it was though my phone, which was in my pocket.
she's pretty mad, not about that music, but that she felt i was treating her like a teenager and punishing her. i felt that it wasn't about punishing her, but just actually being able to listen to my podcast without being unreasonably interrupted.
| 19,600 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d5iwaj/aita_for_removing_the_stereo_faceplate_from_my/
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2019-09-17 15:50:20
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nta: she's being disrespectful. you've tried to talk to her about it, and she isn't listening or at least in denial about the situation.
driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole.
**
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nta- she’s rude, you’ve confronted her about it, she’s ignored that and you naturally escalated it. if she’s mad about being treated like a teenager she should re-evaluate how she treats people.
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nta she is being so rude. it's one thing to have a conversation with you over the music, it's another to take a non-important chit chat call over and over again.
|
esh
the faceplate tactic is a bandaid for a relationship problem. it is an escalation move rather than a de-escalation move. if you can't calmly reason your way through the problem with your gf you have a larger issue that's beyond this sub to fix.
as a personal tip that could smooth things over but doesn't solve the actual relationship problem, you could ask your gf to use a high quality headset when speaking on the phone so she doesn't need to adjust the music. also, drivers are typically allowed to use headsets in one ear if you want to not use the car sound system.
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nta you need to talk to her to find a reasonable compromise though. i personally have a pet peeve about this, people on the phone in cars is perhaps my least favorite thing on earth. ask if she can’t text instead.
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esh.
hospitals bring up bad memories for her, yet she still chooses to go with you rather than do something fun for herself. be thankful for that; she doesn't need to go with you. she's doing this to be kind.
she sucks because she's spending time with you and shouldn't spend all that time on the phone keeping you from something that could make the drive more bearable.
you both need to learn some compromise: i'm sure she could text- this way she can have her conversation, you can enjoy your podcast, and you can both be happy.
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nta.
tell gf to get some earbuds with the mic.
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nta.
in my experience, a car ride is a shared experience. no one should be making about them for 3hrs. that’s just rude.
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i thought it would be cool to kill two birds with one stone and call my parents while my husband was driving us somewhere. but he told afterward it was not fun for him. i pictured myself in that situation and i didn't like it. no one wants to listen to someone talk to other people, and in the car you can't leave the room or listen to something else. i get it!
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nta the driver picks the music and shotgun shuts his cakehole.- dean winchester
in all seriousness though its rude as hell to constantly be on the phone and leave the driver listening to a one sided conversation.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
|
NTA
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ESH
|
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.06929 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: to preface this i think i might have overreacted because honestly? i can't stand driving. i hate it. but i gotta get places and where i live that means driving. little bit of info first, my car is an older car with the stereo that you can change the faceplate, like the buttons and stuff. a few years ago i sent it to a mechanic friend for a tune-up and he put bluetooth in it as a gift. i occasionally(usually averages out to once or twice every 2-3 months) have to drive several hours to see a specialist for a medical condition i've had since i was born. over the last year or so my gf(r) has started to come with me, which i appreciate very much because i know hospitals bring back a lot of not-good memories for her. for the issue at hand. r is very much a social butterfly and loves to talk on the phone. whenever she gets a call she'll reach over and turn the volume all the way down or mute it, not even pausing my music/podcast or whatever. it's an almost unconscious action. if i try to turn it back up, my hand either gets swatted away or i get told "this is important", or "i need to hear this". if this was once or twice during a drive it's whatever i don't care that much. but if it's a 3 hour drive, she's on the phone with friends or doing errands over the phone for at least half of it. we've had multiple talks about it, but she just either brushes me off or insists she's not on the phone for that long. it drives me up a wall, i hate sitting in traffic listening to half a conversation that doesn't have anything to do with me, for hours. so this time before we left, i connected my bluetooth to the car and then took the faceplate off so the only way you could control it was though my phone, which was in my pocket. she's pretty mad, not about that music, but that she felt i was treating her like a teenager and punishing her. i felt that it wasn't about punishing her, but just actually being able to listen to my podcast without being unreasonably interrupted.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
to preface this i think i might have overreacted because honestly? i can't stand driving. i hate it. but i gotta get places and where i live that means driving. little bit of info first, my car is an older car with the stereo that you can change the faceplate, like the buttons and stuff. a few years ago i sent it to a mechanic friend for a tune-up and he put bluetooth in it as a gift. i occasionally(usually averages out to once or twice every 2-3 months) have to drive several hours to see a specialist for a medical condition i've had since i was born. over the last year or so my gf(r) has started to come with me, which i appreciate very much because i know hospitals bring back a lot of not-good memories for her. for the issue at hand. r is very much a social butterfly and loves to talk on the phone. whenever she gets a call she'll reach over and turn the volume all the way down or mute it, not even pausing my music/podcast or whatever. it's an almost unconscious action. if i try to turn it back up, my hand either gets swatted away or i get told "this is important", or "i need to hear this". if this was once or twice during a drive it's whatever i don't care that much. but if it's a 3 hour drive, she's on the phone with friends or doing errands over the phone for at least half of it. we've had multiple talks about it, but she just either brushes me off or insists she's not on the phone for that long. it drives me up a wall, i hate sitting in traffic listening to half a conversation that doesn't have anything to do with me, for hours. so this time before we left, i connected my bluetooth to the car and then took the faceplate off so the only way you could control it was though my phone, which was in my pocket. she's pretty mad, not about that music, but that she felt i was treating her like a teenager and punishing her. i felt that it wasn't about punishing her, but just actually being able to listen to my podcast without being unreasonably interrupted. [/INST] nta: she's being disrespectful. you've tried to talk to her about it, and she isn't listening or at least in denial about the situation. driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole. ** </s>
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AITA for sitting on a man's hand after he refused to remove it from the empty seat?
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pretty sure i was an asshole here but we'll see.
so, i, f30, am 8 months pregnant. i take public transport to work daily. i'm always exhausted cause i have to work extra time to be able to afford basic necessities. i take the bus to work everyday and often times it's packed, but i get lucky enough when decent folks volunteer their seats for me. now i should mention that i don use my pregnancy as an excuse to get what i want but people just offer me their places by themselves whichs kind and sweet.
wednesday, i get on the bus like usual but this time there's one empty seat, i go to sit but i find a guy in his business attire sitting there with his hand on the empty seat (sort of like resting it?) i say excuse me and ask him to remove his hand so i could sit, but he tells me the seat was "taken". i ask by who and he says his hand. ngl....i laughed a little but wasn't feeling well so i ask him to remove it so i could sit but he refuses again, folks start staring i tell him i'm tired and needed to sit and he replies saying my pregnancy isn't his problem. i had enough at this point, my legs were burning and my back was hurting, so i go ahead and sit on his hand. he freaks out and tries to removes it quickly while shouting at me. he then starts arguing about how disrespectful i was to do this inappropriate thing and in public no less, i argue back ngl but then he gets off after saying i was being inappropriate and disrespectful. everyone stares at me and i just sit there feeling a bit of shame about what happened.
i tell my husband about this incident and he wtf'd the entire time, then says that i did indeed act inappropriately and shouldn't have made this guy uncomfortable by sitting on his hand like that. he tells me i fucked up and this was totally inappropriate despite me saying i was so tired of standing and was in desperate need to sit down.
aita?
eta several points- like i said i do get offered seats from others so i'm being treated well most of the time, but unfortunately run into some people who don't do that. this guys seemed to be upset about something and then the argument probably made it worse. i could've de-escalated by maybe talking to the driver? how ever, i'm pretty sure he didn't pay for the seat just to put his hand on it (who does that?). also, most of the passengers were younger folks that day. i normally i would get a seat from older folks.
| 19,558 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/twh8z7/aita_for_sitting_on_a_mans_hand_after_he_refused/
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2022-04-04 23:58:53
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nta. though, i can't believe you stole the seat from his only lover!
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nta. i hope you farted.
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nta. seats are for butts, not hands. if you don't want a butt on your hand keep it on your own seat.
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nta. i've been 8 months pregnant on public transportation and i 100% would have done exactly as you did. 🤷♀️ seriously, what did he expect? i'd love to see the aita post for him..."aita for not moving my hand, causing a pregnant lady to sit on it."...
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nta. your husband is wrong.
when i was in my 20s, 30s, and 40s i used the public bus system every day and *i know this kind of rider.* sometimes they are snobs whose car is in the shop and they are *horrified* that they have to deal with a --*gasp*-- stranger sitting next to them. or they are touch-phobic. or they think "i call dibs on two seats" should be honored on a crowded bus.
good on you for sitting right down and not letting him get away with hogging two seats! everybody on that bus was on your side!
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so, i do this thing with my cats where i sit down slowly if they're in a space where i need to be, and i say "here comes the butt" and they move.
this guy showed less intelligence than my cats. and a lot less compassion. nta and also lol.
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nta one seat per passenger unless space permits which it didn't because you as a passenger wanted to sit. he's an entitled asshole and so is your husband.
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don't know about you, but when my wife was 8m pregnant she could give two fucks what was appropriate. i backed her all they way and i back you up as well.... nta
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nta.
his discomfort was his own damn fault. he tried to be an asshole and got pissed when you called him on it.
frankly i'm kind of surprised more people didn't publicly shame him for being a dick while he was doing it but you handled it well on your own.
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nta.
hell, he's borderline the asshole for not offering his seat to a seriously pregnant woman. but not offering *his hand's* seat? he and your husband are out of their damn minds.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: pretty sure i was an asshole here but we'll see. so, i, f30, am 8 months pregnant. i take public transport to work daily. i'm always exhausted cause i have to work extra time to be able to afford basic necessities. i take the bus to work everyday and often times it's packed, but i get lucky enough when decent folks volunteer their seats for me. now i should mention that i don use my pregnancy as an excuse to get what i want but people just offer me their places by themselves whichs kind and sweet. wednesday, i get on the bus like usual but this time there's one empty seat, i go to sit but i find a guy in his business attire sitting there with his hand on the empty seat (sort of like resting it?) i say excuse me and ask him to remove his hand so i could sit, but he tells me the seat was "taken". i ask by who and he says his hand. ngl....i laughed a little but wasn't feeling well so i ask him to remove it so i could sit but he refuses again, folks start staring i tell him i'm tired and needed to sit and he replies saying my pregnancy isn't his problem. i had enough at this point, my legs were burning and my back was hurting, so i go ahead and sit on his hand. he freaks out and tries to removes it quickly while shouting at me. he then starts arguing about how disrespectful i was to do this inappropriate thing and in public no less, i argue back ngl but then he gets off after saying i was being inappropriate and disrespectful. everyone stares at me and i just sit there feeling a bit of shame about what happened. i tell my husband about this incident and he wtf'd the entire time, then says that i did indeed act inappropriately and shouldn't have made this guy uncomfortable by sitting on his hand like that. he tells me i fucked up and this was totally inappropriate despite me saying i was so tired of standing and was in desperate need to sit down. aita? eta several points- like i said i do get offered seats from others so i'm being treated well most of the time, but unfortunately run into some people who don't do that. this guys seemed to be upset about something and then the argument probably made it worse. i could've de-escalated by maybe talking to the driver? how ever, i'm pretty sure he didn't pay for the seat just to put his hand on it (who does that?). also, most of the passengers were younger folks that day. i normally i would get a seat from older folks.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
pretty sure i was an asshole here but we'll see. so, i, f30, am 8 months pregnant. i take public transport to work daily. i'm always exhausted cause i have to work extra time to be able to afford basic necessities. i take the bus to work everyday and often times it's packed, but i get lucky enough when decent folks volunteer their seats for me. now i should mention that i don use my pregnancy as an excuse to get what i want but people just offer me their places by themselves whichs kind and sweet. wednesday, i get on the bus like usual but this time there's one empty seat, i go to sit but i find a guy in his business attire sitting there with his hand on the empty seat (sort of like resting it?) i say excuse me and ask him to remove his hand so i could sit, but he tells me the seat was "taken". i ask by who and he says his hand. ngl....i laughed a little but wasn't feeling well so i ask him to remove it so i could sit but he refuses again, folks start staring i tell him i'm tired and needed to sit and he replies saying my pregnancy isn't his problem. i had enough at this point, my legs were burning and my back was hurting, so i go ahead and sit on his hand. he freaks out and tries to removes it quickly while shouting at me. he then starts arguing about how disrespectful i was to do this inappropriate thing and in public no less, i argue back ngl but then he gets off after saying i was being inappropriate and disrespectful. everyone stares at me and i just sit there feeling a bit of shame about what happened. i tell my husband about this incident and he wtf'd the entire time, then says that i did indeed act inappropriately and shouldn't have made this guy uncomfortable by sitting on his hand like that. he tells me i fucked up and this was totally inappropriate despite me saying i was so tired of standing and was in desperate need to sit down. aita? eta several points- like i said i do get offered seats from others so i'm being treated well most of the time, but unfortunately run into some people who don't do that. this guys seemed to be upset about something and then the argument probably made it worse. i could've de-escalated by maybe talking to the driver? how ever, i'm pretty sure he didn't pay for the seat just to put his hand on it (who does that?). also, most of the passengers were younger folks that day. i normally i would get a seat from older folks. [/INST] nta. though, i can't believe you stole the seat from his only lover! </s>
|
AITA for quitting on my friend because she won the lottery?
|
i've been the sole babysitter for a friend since their child was born 3 years ago. i don't get paid supremely well, below minimum wage ($60/6hr when minimum would be $84/6hr) but it's still been agreeable because it's easy money and i can study while i'm there. my friend is also not particularly well off (or wasn't as you'll soon read) so i was throwing them a bone by being lenient on the wage. the husband is against babysitting and daycares (he was a victim of abuse this way) but he agreed because we're all friends and have been for a long time.
my friend won $740,000 in the lottery two months ago and everything is more or less settled in. they bought two new 2019 cars ($60,000+ vehicles), travelled a bit, etc. but they still paid me the same amount, which stung because i'm covering for them while they went to cuba and mexico.
they can afford to pay me more, so i told them this. i want minimum wage, and they declined saying it's too expensive. so i decided to no longer babysit for them. this means they'll have no babysitter because my friend's husband doesn't care for them.
i know i'm not the asshole for quitting over a wage but it's not entirely that. i'm half doing this vindictively because i know they're in a peculiar position where i'm their only option. but all i want is minimum wage, i'm not going to gouge them over this fact. part of it might be jealousy but if they can afford $120,000+ in cars in the span of two months, they can afford an extra $24 per shift of my babysitting.
aita?
| 18,224 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/esfxc0/aita_for_quitting_on_my_friend_because_she_won/
|
2020-01-22 18:21:17
|
nta but, uh, this is the kind of spending that's going to make them bankrupt in under a year...
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the thing is, unless they are smart with their money (which it doesn’t seem they are) the number is limited. they will run out. it’s not like one of them got a new amazing job paying a lot more. their finances are basically doomed.
that said, all you’re asking for is the minimum wage. you’re not asking for $30 per hour now that they have money. it’s not too expensive to buy brand new cars or go to cuba, but childcare for their kids? now that’s just too much. no. you have a right to ask for the minimum when you were doing it for less as a favor because they literally didn’t have it. now they do.
nta
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no judgement but if it makes you feel better, a $740,000 lottery win is probably close to $400,000 after taxes. between the cars and the trips, they have spent 1/3 of their money in 2 months. they will be broke by the end of the year.
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nta. asking to be paid *minimum wage* when your friend won the lottery is not too much to ask.
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nta - regular 6 hour shifts that allow a couple to not use a daycare is not "babysitting," it's in-home childcare and $10 per hour is a steal. especially for an infant to 3 year old. quality childcare is really expensive. even bad childcare is expensive. you did them a huge favor when they needed it. it's understandable to be miffed that they won't pay you something closer to market value for your work now that they can afford it. they're being cheap and ungrateful.
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nta. you wouldn't have been an asshole even if you quit before they won the lottery. this business arrangement isn't working out for you anymore.
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nta. it's not like you're trying to gouge them for everything they have. you asked them for minimum wage and they wouldn't even give you that. these people are not your friends.
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yta you've admitted yourself you are being partially vindictive.
you say you are being paid below minimum wage but i assume this is a casual cash in hand affair if you were to make it official and be paid minimum wage you would lose some of that 84$ in taxes.
point being you were happy to help them before but after a win you have admitted jealousy over you aren't happy to help now.
if it went the other way and they had say lost a portion of their income would you happily babysit for less than the 10$?
their good lick should have no bearing on your original agreement, of course you are well within you rights to say you no longer wish to work for below minimum wage and that's fine, but it seems like this only became an issue for you after they won some money.
and again you can't demand minimum wage if you are not paying taxes etc on that wage.
thank you guys for the awards
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nta and lavish in the fact they'll be out of money asap. while $740k is a nice chunk of change blowing $120k on cars is absolutely silly. go find a better job. i'm shocked you only asked for minimum wage as well. even prior to them winning you were under valuing yourself a lot. i am not sure where you are but here there are entry level jobs that pay at least double digits an hour to start.
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nta
interesting that husband is against babysitters or daycares, and was fine with you caring for his child for below minimum wage. look, you’re a decent and trustworthy person. but who willfully underpays someone watching their kid?? does he also insult his servers at restaurants?
so they couldn’t afford it. they can now. ultimately, if they are buying new vehicles and taking vacations while underpaying you, they’re taking advantage.
i mean...a bonus is definitely something i would have expected, once you had provided childcare under minimum wage while they went on vacations.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i've been the sole babysitter for a friend since their child was born 3 years ago. i don't get paid supremely well, below minimum wage ($60/6hr when minimum would be $84/6hr) but it's still been agreeable because it's easy money and i can study while i'm there. my friend is also not particularly well off (or wasn't as you'll soon read) so i was throwing them a bone by being lenient on the wage. the husband is against babysitting and daycares (he was a victim of abuse this way) but he agreed because we're all friends and have been for a long time. my friend won $740,000 in the lottery two months ago and everything is more or less settled in. they bought two new 2019 cars ($60,000+ vehicles), travelled a bit, etc. but they still paid me the same amount, which stung because i'm covering for them while they went to cuba and mexico. they can afford to pay me more, so i told them this. i want minimum wage, and they declined saying it's too expensive. so i decided to no longer babysit for them. this means they'll have no babysitter because my friend's husband doesn't care for them. i know i'm not the asshole for quitting over a wage but it's not entirely that. i'm half doing this vindictively because i know they're in a peculiar position where i'm their only option. but all i want is minimum wage, i'm not going to gouge them over this fact. part of it might be jealousy but if they can afford $120,000+ in cars in the span of two months, they can afford an extra $24 per shift of my babysitting. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i've been the sole babysitter for a friend since their child was born 3 years ago. i don't get paid supremely well, below minimum wage ($60/6hr when minimum would be $84/6hr) but it's still been agreeable because it's easy money and i can study while i'm there. my friend is also not particularly well off (or wasn't as you'll soon read) so i was throwing them a bone by being lenient on the wage. the husband is against babysitting and daycares (he was a victim of abuse this way) but he agreed because we're all friends and have been for a long time. my friend won $740,000 in the lottery two months ago and everything is more or less settled in. they bought two new 2019 cars ($60,000+ vehicles), travelled a bit, etc. but they still paid me the same amount, which stung because i'm covering for them while they went to cuba and mexico. they can afford to pay me more, so i told them this. i want minimum wage, and they declined saying it's too expensive. so i decided to no longer babysit for them. this means they'll have no babysitter because my friend's husband doesn't care for them. i know i'm not the asshole for quitting over a wage but it's not entirely that. i'm half doing this vindictively because i know they're in a peculiar position where i'm their only option. but all i want is minimum wage, i'm not going to gouge them over this fact. part of it might be jealousy but if they can afford $120,000+ in cars in the span of two months, they can afford an extra $24 per shift of my babysitting. aita? [/INST] nta but, uh, this is the kind of spending that's going to make them bankrupt in under a year... </s>
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AITA for watching porn???
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first of all i think this whole ordeal is stupid.
i've been dating my current gf for four months and things have been going great until now. i met her through tinder and we hit it off right away and were fwb for awhile but she didn't want to date. said she wasn't a big fan of dating because things just get more stressful. i asked if she could be a little more specific about what she found stressful cause i wanted to be the one to erase those stresses. she opened up about some shit that happened in her life and how she had revenge porn of her spread online. i wasn't too sure why that mattered for a relationship, but she said she didn't want to date someone who used porn because of her dislike for it. she gave me several reasons why she disliked it but those aren't important. i told her i wasn't a big fan of porn and if i had her as my girlfriend i would cut it out entirely. she was so special to me and it seemed like no big deal.
we started dating soon after and things have been great until she found out i've been using porn. this was a couple days ago and she has been very distant ever since. told me she felt disgusting and didn't know if she could stay in a relationship with me. i don't fucking understand. everyone watches porn. sometimes i just want to get my rocks off and look at something else for a change. i think it's ridiculous to expect your partner to get off without ever using other people. i know i said i could cut it, but that's stupid. i kept watching it because she wouldn't know and it didn't impact our relationship in any way. didn't change how i viewed her and didn't ruin our sex life. i think she's being ridiculous right now for distancing herself and being so extreme, saying she doesn't think she can date me over porn. it feels stupid just typing it out. she's making me seem like a total jerk and this isn't something i want to talk about with my friends irl. so here i am. aita??
| 3,773 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b0qbwv/aita_for_watching_porn/
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2019-03-13 19:42:10
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yta for saying you'll quit and not doing it... doesn't matter how stupid it is, you promised, and ended up lying to her. a lot of people find nothing wrong with porn, so if it's important to you, date them instead.
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yta
i'm came to this thinking it would be a very different situation, but you lied to her and told her you would cut it out. for someone who obviously has trust issues stemming from porn you breaking that trust with is has got to be shattering for her. don't make promises you don't intend to keep.
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yta not because you watch porn, but because you lied to your girlfriend when she opened up to you, made her promises and broke her trust. she told you it was a dealbreaker and you assumed and still keep saying her reasoning for it isn't important. basically you're being dismissive of her feelings and don't respect her stance. so yeah she isn't making you seem like a total jerk, you are a total jerk.
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yta - i came here completely ready to say nta, but then:
>i told her i wasn't a big fan of porn and if i had her as my girlfriend i would cut it out entirely. she was so special to me and it seemed like no big deal.
you either lied or broke your promise. either way you agreed not to do something and then did it anyway. doesn't matter what it was.
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yta let's explain this like you're 5 yrs old.
a person with a toy you want to play with comes up and says they don't eat cookies and don't want to be around anyone eating a cookie because they were force fed cookies at one point
you like eating cookies but you also want to play with that toy. you lie and say you don't eat cookies and then start playing with this persons toy. they then found out you not only eat cookies but you don't think it's a big deal to eat cookies because everyone does.
regardless of it's okay to eat cookies or not, you told this person you don't only to play with their toy.
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[deleted]
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yta not for watching porn, but for making a promise, then rolling back on it "because it's stupid." if you think it's stupid, don't agree to it.
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yta wow.
'she was so special to me' 'i would cut it out entirely'
\*uses porn\*
\*girlfriend mad\*
'i don't fucking understand.'
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yta. she straight up said she didn’t want to date someone who watches porn and now you’re surprised she doesn’t want to date someone who watches porn?
oh and lied to her
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yta. she made her position clear, and you did offer to cut it out entirely. i imagine she’s not just upset over the porn, but also the fact that you lied to her, because if you can lie about this, you can lie about other things.
if you aren’t prepared to cut porn out entirely, don’t promise to do it for someone. find a person who has no issue with porn.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: first of all i think this whole ordeal is stupid. i've been dating my current gf for four months and things have been going great until now. i met her through tinder and we hit it off right away and were fwb for awhile but she didn't want to date. said she wasn't a big fan of dating because things just get more stressful. i asked if she could be a little more specific about what she found stressful cause i wanted to be the one to erase those stresses. she opened up about some shit that happened in her life and how she had revenge porn of her spread online. i wasn't too sure why that mattered for a relationship, but she said she didn't want to date someone who used porn because of her dislike for it. she gave me several reasons why she disliked it but those aren't important. i told her i wasn't a big fan of porn and if i had her as my girlfriend i would cut it out entirely. she was so special to me and it seemed like no big deal. we started dating soon after and things have been great until she found out i've been using porn. this was a couple days ago and she has been very distant ever since. told me she felt disgusting and didn't know if she could stay in a relationship with me. i don't fucking understand. everyone watches porn. sometimes i just want to get my rocks off and look at something else for a change. i think it's ridiculous to expect your partner to get off without ever using other people. i know i said i could cut it, but that's stupid. i kept watching it because she wouldn't know and it didn't impact our relationship in any way. didn't change how i viewed her and didn't ruin our sex life. i think she's being ridiculous right now for distancing herself and being so extreme, saying she doesn't think she can date me over porn. it feels stupid just typing it out. she's making me seem like a total jerk and this isn't something i want to talk about with my friends irl. so here i am. aita??
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
first of all i think this whole ordeal is stupid. i've been dating my current gf for four months and things have been going great until now. i met her through tinder and we hit it off right away and were fwb for awhile but she didn't want to date. said she wasn't a big fan of dating because things just get more stressful. i asked if she could be a little more specific about what she found stressful cause i wanted to be the one to erase those stresses. she opened up about some shit that happened in her life and how she had revenge porn of her spread online. i wasn't too sure why that mattered for a relationship, but she said she didn't want to date someone who used porn because of her dislike for it. she gave me several reasons why she disliked it but those aren't important. i told her i wasn't a big fan of porn and if i had her as my girlfriend i would cut it out entirely. she was so special to me and it seemed like no big deal. we started dating soon after and things have been great until she found out i've been using porn. this was a couple days ago and she has been very distant ever since. told me she felt disgusting and didn't know if she could stay in a relationship with me. i don't fucking understand. everyone watches porn. sometimes i just want to get my rocks off and look at something else for a change. i think it's ridiculous to expect your partner to get off without ever using other people. i know i said i could cut it, but that's stupid. i kept watching it because she wouldn't know and it didn't impact our relationship in any way. didn't change how i viewed her and didn't ruin our sex life. i think she's being ridiculous right now for distancing herself and being so extreme, saying she doesn't think she can date me over porn. it feels stupid just typing it out. she's making me seem like a total jerk and this isn't something i want to talk about with my friends irl. so here i am. aita?? [/INST] yta for saying you'll quit and not doing it... doesn't matter how stupid it is, you promised, and ended up lying to her. a lot of people find nothing wrong with porn, so if it's important to you, date them instead. </s>
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AITA for telling my boyfriend that he embarrassed me when he waved me goodby after dropping me off at work?
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my f26 car broke down several weeks ago. my boyfriend "nick" m29 drives me to and from work everyday which i'm thankful for however....he has this habit of waving me goodby everytime he drops me off at work. i mean hand up waving type of waving. it didn't bother me much at first til one of my coworkers saw him and brought up to the whole department later to "laugh" about it.
i was livid that day. nick came to pick me up and i didn't say anything til we got home. that's when i flipped out and told him that the way he was waving me goodbye like i was some 5 year old girl embarrassed me infront of my coworkers. he acted confused and said he didn't get what was wrong in what he was doing and was just doing a nice gesture. i told him he should've used some other method like a text or something but he argued that first of all he's doing me a favor dropping off/picking me up everyday using his car and driving extra 20 minutes to get to his own work. and that second of all my coworkers were rude to think this was somethinh they would "get a laugh" from and said i should be mad at them not him instead of saying "i embarrassed him". we argued some and he stopped speaking to me for the rest of the night.
i feel like an idiot. i mean i appreciate his favor but to wave at me like i was a school girl really got my coworkers laughing and making me the butt of their weird joking habit.
aita for telling him he embarrassed me?
| 8,929 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wmw8h7/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriend_that_he_embarrassed/
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2022-08-12 21:16:37
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yta and your coworkers are assholes who need more love in their lives. go and apologise to your boyfriend.
tell him nicely if you don’t want to be waved off, even then, its clear the only disdain you have for it is because your mean coworkers take the piss out of it.
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>it didn't bother me much at first til one of my coworkers saw him and brought up to the whole department later to "laugh" about it.
yta. you are embarrassed not by your boyfriend, but because of what some asshole at work thinks of him. your loyalties should lie with him, not with a bully colleague.
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yta - so are your coworkers. your boyfriend waved at you; how is this front page news?
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let me get this straight: you have a boyfriend who drives you to/from work. he's sweet enough to wave goodbye to you when he drops you off. your co-workers are jealous of you having a sweet and charming boyfriend who cares about you, so they make jokes about it. you're embarrassed that your coworkers see you have a sweet and charming boyfriend. and you care more about what your coworkers think than what your boyfriend thinks.
does that about sum it up?
yup, yta.
if i were you i'd apologize to your boyfriend, before he waves you goodbye for good.
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yta. i understand why you feel like an idiot though. you started a fight with your boyfriend because he waved at you. that’s bananas. why wouldn’t you be
livid at your coworker for bullying you because your boyfriend waved instead of your boyfriend for doing a completely polite gesture?
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yta, it’s waving, i mean, waving 👋
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yta, wow! you weren't bothered until some dumbasses in your office made fun of you? and you are so immature that you take it out on your boyfriend who was doing you a favor? also, what the hell is wrong with him waving goodbye? you're an asshole, your coworkers are assholes, and your boyfriend deserves a better girlfriend.
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lol
yta
and also suspicious. are you trying to hide the fact you have a boyfriend from your "work boyfriend" at your job??
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yta - you certainly act like a 5 year old.
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yta - i'm guessing he should have let your carless self walk home. maybe i don't understand the full context, but he is doing you a favor, and being sweet. in return, you sound like you are being completely ungrateful. he should let you walk.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my f26 car broke down several weeks ago. my boyfriend "nick" m29 drives me to and from work everyday which i'm thankful for however....he has this habit of waving me goodby everytime he drops me off at work. i mean hand up waving type of waving. it didn't bother me much at first til one of my coworkers saw him and brought up to the whole department later to "laugh" about it. i was livid that day. nick came to pick me up and i didn't say anything til we got home. that's when i flipped out and told him that the way he was waving me goodbye like i was some 5 year old girl embarrassed me infront of my coworkers. he acted confused and said he didn't get what was wrong in what he was doing and was just doing a nice gesture. i told him he should've used some other method like a text or something but he argued that first of all he's doing me a favor dropping off/picking me up everyday using his car and driving extra 20 minutes to get to his own work. and that second of all my coworkers were rude to think this was somethinh they would "get a laugh" from and said i should be mad at them not him instead of saying "i embarrassed him". we argued some and he stopped speaking to me for the rest of the night. i feel like an idiot. i mean i appreciate his favor but to wave at me like i was a school girl really got my coworkers laughing and making me the butt of their weird joking habit. aita for telling him he embarrassed me?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my f26 car broke down several weeks ago. my boyfriend "nick" m29 drives me to and from work everyday which i'm thankful for however....he has this habit of waving me goodby everytime he drops me off at work. i mean hand up waving type of waving. it didn't bother me much at first til one of my coworkers saw him and brought up to the whole department later to "laugh" about it. i was livid that day. nick came to pick me up and i didn't say anything til we got home. that's when i flipped out and told him that the way he was waving me goodbye like i was some 5 year old girl embarrassed me infront of my coworkers. he acted confused and said he didn't get what was wrong in what he was doing and was just doing a nice gesture. i told him he should've used some other method like a text or something but he argued that first of all he's doing me a favor dropping off/picking me up everyday using his car and driving extra 20 minutes to get to his own work. and that second of all my coworkers were rude to think this was somethinh they would "get a laugh" from and said i should be mad at them not him instead of saying "i embarrassed him". we argued some and he stopped speaking to me for the rest of the night. i feel like an idiot. i mean i appreciate his favor but to wave at me like i was a school girl really got my coworkers laughing and making me the butt of their weird joking habit. aita for telling him he embarrassed me? [/INST] yta and your coworkers are assholes who need more love in their lives. go and apologise to your boyfriend. tell him nicely if you don’t want to be waved off, even then, its clear the only disdain you have for it is because your mean coworkers take the piss out of it. </s>
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AITA for showing my husband the text his mom sent me and causing her to be disowned?
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to start me and my mother in law have never gotten along. she hates my guts and can be oversensitive often times. i tried not to give her the wrong impression about me but we just don't like each other.
sunday, i was feeling sick (i'm a new mom btw) and couldn't eat what she cooked for dinner and she seemeed to take it personal. she sent me a private message of what seemed to be her final straw with my behavior and it stated the following: copy/paste
"oh yes i know and feel your passive aggressive vibe. you keep pretending to be sick so you won't have to eat what i cook? what? you think my cooking is disgusting? you think i'm unhigynec? when was the last time you actually looked at yourself in the mirror? apologies i forgot you're a new mom and can't be bothered to even get your hair brushed. you finally trapped our son and now want to use the baby as a pawn.i don’t like the fact you're my grandchild's mother. i don’t think i'll ever come to terms with it because you bore him. but i’ll pretend. pretend i don’t know my son's been having chats with his ex every chance he gets. be mean to his mommy. me. and you’ll see how far that gets you. oh and when i watch your shitbeast dog it stays chained to a garage day and night until a half hour before you arrive. it stinks up my house you know same with your hair and clothes". my mind was blown and my gut reaction was to immediately go to my husband and show him what his mom sent and he didn't take it well. he tried calling her but she didn't respond. it was 11pm and he decided to drive to his parents house and pick a fight with her about the text. according to my sister in law #1 who witnessed it he yelled at his mother and berated her and caller her names then disowned her which shocked everyone in the house. my mother in law is diabetic she fainted on the spot and my husband didn't stop he just walked out of there while his family were yelling at him. i got several calls and texts from them claiming i just caused irreparable damage in my husband's relationship with his mother, jeopardized her health because she was taken to the hospital and worsthe of all making my husband disown her over what? a dinner that i could've gotten a few bites of? a simple misunderstanding? they accused me of causing this shitshow and turning my husband on his own mother and disowning her like that. sister in law #3 berated me for sharing the text with my husband saying i should've confronted my mother in law alone instead of escalating the situation. she said i'm responsible for whatever happens next and have to fix the problem i created.
i feel awful overall and so guilty since she's at the hospital and the family are feeling tense. my husband is avoiding me.aita?
| 25,491 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qtpt11/aita_for_showing_my_husband_the_text_his_mom_sent/
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2021-11-14 13:27:23
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nta, you had to show that message to your husband. that was a very disturbing text. i also find it weird that she fainted, my son is diabetic and he has never fainted from being confronted.
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nta rule number one with toxic families let the related partner handle the own family
you did the right thing by showing him the text and not escalate the matter by yourself
and it was his decision how to react
mommy dearest was so shocked that her son would chose to defend you she probably fainted out of shock
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>i got several calls and texts from them claiming i just caused irreparable damage in my husband's relationship with his mother
oh, no... you didn't cause that damage and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. your mil caused all that pain and decided that sending a message to purposely hurt you was the way to go. she probably expected you to be so hurt by that message, especially the part where she threw in about your husband chatting with his ex, that you would end up fighting with him. instead, you showed him and he got to see just how spiteful mil is towards you. it's sad she is in hospital though, but that's not your fault either.
also, being a new mum is fucking *hard!* you're already dealing with enough stress as it is, you don't need this. good luck and congrats on the new bub!
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odds are that her claim that she tortures your pet to punish you is absolutely true, and a real insight into her character. nta.
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op -- **danger danger danger** -- read this top-level comment by u/xopranaut
> odds are that her claim that she tortures your pet to punish you is absolutely true, and a real insight into her character.
and regardless of what reconciliation may take place in the future, **do not ever leave your children alone in the care of this woman for a single instant**.
eta perhaps i should have said "*pretended* reconciliation", because i doubt that your mil will ever truly change the toxic hatred she clearly feels.
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nta. your mil thought she could abuse you and get away with it. her son let her know that wasn’t the case. she experienced the consequences of her own hatefulness.
this woman attacked you, admitted to animal abuse, and thought framing her own son as a cheater was better than you being in his life. you did the right thing showing her little hate manifesto to your husband.
she was held responsible for what she did, if the sils don’t want to acknowledge that, they ought to be cut off as well.
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> i got several calls and texts from them claiming i just caused irreparable damage in my husband's relationship with his mother,
*you* caused irreparable damage? wtf??
no, op, *she* caused that. *she* caused the "shitshow". *she* "turned your husband against his own mother."
tell your husband thank you. tell him you're proud of him for standing up to his toxic mother.
last part of my advice: this is for your husband. it's his family so it's his call to make... but if *i* were the husband in this situation, i'd show that text to my siblings too, and tell them not to blame me or my wife for what happened, that i want nothing to do with any person who would send a message like that *or* with any person who would *defend* that behavior.
oh -- almost forgot. nta, and neither is your husband.
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nta, your mil played olympic level fuck around and find out, and she got the gold. getting away from that piece of work is a stellar end to 2021.
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nta
that was one hell of a message! i understand why your mil didn't say that to you where your husband could hear her. too bad for her that it backfired. if she didn't want her son to read this, she shouldn't have sent it. you are not responsible for her words, nor for your husband's response to them. furthermore, it's very common for each partner in a relationship to handle the communication with their own family. good on your husband for sticking up for you.
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first of all *she* caused *herself* to be disowned.
you were right to show him the text.
also, the fainting is fake. how does her being diabetic have anything to do with it?
nta
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: to start me and my mother in law have never gotten along. she hates my guts and can be oversensitive often times. i tried not to give her the wrong impression about me but we just don't like each other. sunday, i was feeling sick (i'm a new mom btw) and couldn't eat what she cooked for dinner and she seemeed to take it personal. she sent me a private message of what seemed to be her final straw with my behavior and it stated the following: copy/paste "oh yes i know and feel your passive aggressive vibe. you keep pretending to be sick so you won't have to eat what i cook? what? you think my cooking is disgusting? you think i'm unhigynec? when was the last time you actually looked at yourself in the mirror? apologies i forgot you're a new mom and can't be bothered to even get your hair brushed. you finally trapped our son and now want to use the baby as a pawn.i don’t like the fact you're my grandchild's mother. i don’t think i'll ever come to terms with it because you bore him. but i’ll pretend. pretend i don’t know my son's been having chats with his ex every chance he gets. be mean to his mommy. me. and you’ll see how far that gets you. oh and when i watch your shitbeast dog it stays chained to a garage day and night until a half hour before you arrive. it stinks up my house you know same with your hair and clothes". my mind was blown and my gut reaction was to immediately go to my husband and show him what his mom sent and he didn't take it well. he tried calling her but she didn't respond. it was 11pm and he decided to drive to his parents house and pick a fight with her about the text. according to my sister in law #1 who witnessed it he yelled at his mother and berated her and caller her names then disowned her which shocked everyone in the house. my mother in law is diabetic she fainted on the spot and my husband didn't stop he just walked out of there while his family were yelling at him. i got several calls and texts from them claiming i just caused irreparable damage in my husband's relationship with his mother, jeopardized her health because she was taken to the hospital and worsthe of all making my husband disown her over what? a dinner that i could've gotten a few bites of? a simple misunderstanding? they accused me of causing this shitshow and turning my husband on his own mother and disowning her like that. sister in law #3 berated me for sharing the text with my husband saying i should've confronted my mother in law alone instead of escalating the situation. she said i'm responsible for whatever happens next and have to fix the problem i created. i feel awful overall and so guilty since she's at the hospital and the family are feeling tense. my husband is avoiding me.aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
to start me and my mother in law have never gotten along. she hates my guts and can be oversensitive often times. i tried not to give her the wrong impression about me but we just don't like each other. sunday, i was feeling sick (i'm a new mom btw) and couldn't eat what she cooked for dinner and she seemeed to take it personal. she sent me a private message of what seemed to be her final straw with my behavior and it stated the following: copy/paste "oh yes i know and feel your passive aggressive vibe. you keep pretending to be sick so you won't have to eat what i cook? what? you think my cooking is disgusting? you think i'm unhigynec? when was the last time you actually looked at yourself in the mirror? apologies i forgot you're a new mom and can't be bothered to even get your hair brushed. you finally trapped our son and now want to use the baby as a pawn.i don’t like the fact you're my grandchild's mother. i don’t think i'll ever come to terms with it because you bore him. but i’ll pretend. pretend i don’t know my son's been having chats with his ex every chance he gets. be mean to his mommy. me. and you’ll see how far that gets you. oh and when i watch your shitbeast dog it stays chained to a garage day and night until a half hour before you arrive. it stinks up my house you know same with your hair and clothes". my mind was blown and my gut reaction was to immediately go to my husband and show him what his mom sent and he didn't take it well. he tried calling her but she didn't respond. it was 11pm and he decided to drive to his parents house and pick a fight with her about the text. according to my sister in law #1 who witnessed it he yelled at his mother and berated her and caller her names then disowned her which shocked everyone in the house. my mother in law is diabetic she fainted on the spot and my husband didn't stop he just walked out of there while his family were yelling at him. i got several calls and texts from them claiming i just caused irreparable damage in my husband's relationship with his mother, jeopardized her health because she was taken to the hospital and worsthe of all making my husband disown her over what? a dinner that i could've gotten a few bites of? a simple misunderstanding? they accused me of causing this shitshow and turning my husband on his own mother and disowning her like that. sister in law #3 berated me for sharing the text with my husband saying i should've confronted my mother in law alone instead of escalating the situation. she said i'm responsible for whatever happens next and have to fix the problem i created. i feel awful overall and so guilty since she's at the hospital and the family are feeling tense. my husband is avoiding me.aita? [/INST] nta, you had to show that message to your husband. that was a very disturbing text. i also find it weird that she fainted, my son is diabetic and he has never fainted from being confronted. </s>
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AITA for telling my sister she's delusional if she thinks my daughter is her personal chef after she said to make her dinner?
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using random names, throwaway account
[a short update](https://www.reddit.com/user/makingdinneraccount/comments/zmef9j/update_aita_for_telling_my_sister_shes_delusional/)
we're getting some renovations done, so me (42f) and my daughter leah (16f) stayed with my sister sarah (27f) for a few days. i was at work during the day and leah took the bus to sarah's after school. sarah is currently doing her post grad and she has a job that's wfh, so when she has to go out for classes, her 3 year old usually stays with grandparents.
this happened last week when we were staying with sarah, and leah was the only one home. sarah texted leah saying she's running really late and has to work on a project when she gets home. sarah asked her to make dinner - it wasn't a heat up leftovers situation, but a full dinner. she told leah that she had a pizza base, sauce etc, asked to make the pizza and put it in the oven, and also make peanut butter sandwiches for her daughter.
leah said she didn't know how to do all that and she couldn't do it. sarah started getting mad and texted that everything's in the fridge, it's really easy, anyone can do it etc. leah again said no, sorry and sarah didn't reply to that.
after i got home leah was upset, and she told me what happened and that sarah went off at her. honestly i got a little mad on leah's behalf too because sure, she can ask but my daughter didn't feel comfortable making a full dinner. when sarah got home i told her leah was upset and she has no right going off at my daughter, and she's delusional if she thinks leah is her personal chef.
sarah got angry with me and we didn't talk much after, me and leah were going to leave the next day anyway.
i did call sarah later but she didn't pick up. i don't think i was in the wrong defending my daughter, when an adult asked a child to make her dinner? aita?
| 3,880 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zlh4jp/aita_for_telling_my_sister_shes_delusional_if_she/
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2022-12-14 04:14:29
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yta. how is your daughter so incompetent she can't do a pizza with all the ingredients ready? at that point it's literally an open faced sandwich + oven. so (1) you've coddled your daughter into incompetence. and (2) sarah's request was so far from "personal chef" i'd laugh if it weren't so dumb. she couldn't even handle pb&j's? she couldn't handle even that portion of the request?
lazy, incompetent, rude, ungrateful.
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when i was in 3rd grade, the theme of my birthday party was "make your own pizza". we were given a base, sauce, cheese, and toppings, and... made our own pizzas. i think my mom helped with the sauce so it didn't get everywhere and handled the oven bit, but we were 8.
your sister wasn't asking your daughter to make her a three course meal with wine pairings. she wasn't even asking her to make an entree and sides. she way asking her to spread sauce on a base, cover it with cheese and other toppings, and stick it in the oven. if your daughter can't handle that at 16, i fear for her ability to function in the real world.
yta, for sure. and you aren't doing your daughter any favors, either.
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yta. your post title is a little misguiding - i expected this to be your sister demanding your daughter quite often to make multiple meals, not asking her *once* if she could make dinner with ready made ingredients. a 16 year old kid pretty much lives on their cellphone, i’m sure they can very easily find a 30 second video on how to make a pizza and a peanut butter sandwich.
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yta why can't your daughter cook at 16?
maybe not pizza from scratch but at 16 your kids should know a lettle something about cooking so she can eat when she moves out in a few years.
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yta. your sister definitely did not ever intend to make your daughter her personal chef. it sounds like this was one time thing where she was extremely busy and was asking for a favor. a relatively easy one at that.
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seriously, what kind of sheltered life must this kid lead to not be able to put sauce,cheese, and toppings on a premade crust?
and as a previous comment mentioned, she is letting you stay for free. common courtesy would say that you and your kid should be helping out as much as possible.
yta and a massive one at that.
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so, let me make sure i have this right:
daughter was not comfortable making a multi-step pizza in a strange house.
homeowner and aunt did not understand how the multiple step process could be difficult for a high school student. aunt yelled at niece in frustration.
you defended your daughter, but said some harsh things to your sister.
i'm torn between n a h and e s h.
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yta this was assembly. it’s not cooking. this doesn’t sound like a daily thing. she is far old enough to do this and this isn’t asking her to be a personal chef.
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yta: sounds like your daughter is lazy as fuck.
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info: did your daughter have to make the dough? was the dough pre-made and rolled out with instructions "just heat at whatever temp"? also, does she know how to smear peanut butter on a piece of bread?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.032022 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: using random names, throwaway account [a short update](https://www.reddit.com/user/makingdinneraccount/comments/zmef9j/update_aita_for_telling_my_sister_shes_delusional/) we're getting some renovations done, so me (42f) and my daughter leah (16f) stayed with my sister sarah (27f) for a few days. i was at work during the day and leah took the bus to sarah's after school. sarah is currently doing her post grad and she has a job that's wfh, so when she has to go out for classes, her 3 year old usually stays with grandparents. this happened last week when we were staying with sarah, and leah was the only one home. sarah texted leah saying she's running really late and has to work on a project when she gets home. sarah asked her to make dinner - it wasn't a heat up leftovers situation, but a full dinner. she told leah that she had a pizza base, sauce etc, asked to make the pizza and put it in the oven, and also make peanut butter sandwiches for her daughter. leah said she didn't know how to do all that and she couldn't do it. sarah started getting mad and texted that everything's in the fridge, it's really easy, anyone can do it etc. leah again said no, sorry and sarah didn't reply to that. after i got home leah was upset, and she told me what happened and that sarah went off at her. honestly i got a little mad on leah's behalf too because sure, she can ask but my daughter didn't feel comfortable making a full dinner. when sarah got home i told her leah was upset and she has no right going off at my daughter, and she's delusional if she thinks leah is her personal chef. sarah got angry with me and we didn't talk much after, me and leah were going to leave the next day anyway. i did call sarah later but she didn't pick up. i don't think i was in the wrong defending my daughter, when an adult asked a child to make her dinner? aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
using random names, throwaway account [a short update](https://www.reddit.com/user/makingdinneraccount/comments/zmef9j/update_aita_for_telling_my_sister_shes_delusional/) we're getting some renovations done, so me (42f) and my daughter leah (16f) stayed with my sister sarah (27f) for a few days. i was at work during the day and leah took the bus to sarah's after school. sarah is currently doing her post grad and she has a job that's wfh, so when she has to go out for classes, her 3 year old usually stays with grandparents. this happened last week when we were staying with sarah, and leah was the only one home. sarah texted leah saying she's running really late and has to work on a project when she gets home. sarah asked her to make dinner - it wasn't a heat up leftovers situation, but a full dinner. she told leah that she had a pizza base, sauce etc, asked to make the pizza and put it in the oven, and also make peanut butter sandwiches for her daughter. leah said she didn't know how to do all that and she couldn't do it. sarah started getting mad and texted that everything's in the fridge, it's really easy, anyone can do it etc. leah again said no, sorry and sarah didn't reply to that. after i got home leah was upset, and she told me what happened and that sarah went off at her. honestly i got a little mad on leah's behalf too because sure, she can ask but my daughter didn't feel comfortable making a full dinner. when sarah got home i told her leah was upset and she has no right going off at my daughter, and she's delusional if she thinks leah is her personal chef. sarah got angry with me and we didn't talk much after, me and leah were going to leave the next day anyway. i did call sarah later but she didn't pick up. i don't think i was in the wrong defending my daughter, when an adult asked a child to make her dinner? aita? [/INST] yta. how is your daughter so incompetent she can't do a pizza with all the ingredients ready? at that point it's literally an open faced sandwich + oven. so (1) you've coddled your daughter into incompetence. and (2) sarah's request was so far from "personal chef" i'd laugh if it weren't so dumb. she couldn't even handle pb&j's? she couldn't handle even that portion of the request? lazy, incompetent, rude, ungrateful. </s>
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AITA for telling my sister her Disney obsession is embarrassing and she needs to grow up?
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one of my sisters is obsessed with all things disney. when we were kids she couldn't get enough of the movies but she never grew out of it. every year since she finished nursing school her annual vacation is disney related; disneyland, disneyworld, disney cruises or disney parks in other countries. except for the last 3 calendar years because of the coronavirus of course. her scrubs for work have disney characters. that would make some sense if she worked in a children's hospital or with kids but she's only ever worked in nursing homes. she has some disney stuff but her house isn't overtaken like some of the fanatics i've heard online. i'll give her that. that would be a bridge too far. i know she hopes to retire in florida near disney. if she could afford it she would already live in california or florida instead of louisiana.
she's already booked a disney trip for next year hoping the pandemic won't cancel it. she's turning 50 next year and it's weird fpr a single woman with no kids to be into disney and go on those vacations alone. i had hoped her having to skip her disney trips would force her to grow up and maybe move on from the obsession but it hasn't and instead she is going on her 25th disney vacation as she says. i told her that her obsession is weird and needs to stop and she needs to grow up. she's almost 50 for crying out loud. i'm not the only one in the family that feels this way but my sister doesn't want to listen she just argues about it. it's weird and there a million things she could do on vacation that aren't disney themed. aita i just told it like it was.
| 3,503 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vgz7zh/aita_for_telling_my_sister_her_disney_obsession/
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2022-06-20 23:40:59
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yta. you know what's *way* weirder than your sister's love of disney? you being so personally offended by your sister's love of disney that you've taken it upon yourself to spoil her harmless fun. do you not have any hobbies of your own?
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yta. if there was a super asshole category you would be in it.
nursing, and working in a nursing home is really hard and emotional work under normal circumstances. doing it through things like covid-19, hurricane katrina and other disasters is even harder. disney makes her happy and that's fine.
it's not your money or your time and you aren't forced to go on those vacations. it's is none of your business what someone else enjoys if they aren't hurting anyone. and who cares if she wears disney scrubs? they probably brighten her, her colleagues and the home residents day. you mention that she's been employed the last 27 years so it's obviously not a problem.
you are definitely ta here.
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info: her vacation preferences harm you how, exactly?
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“im not the only one in the family that feels that way”
congratulations! you’re all yta.
caring what a 50 year old does with their time and money….is weird.
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yta.
i went to disney at 18 years old with my two stepbrothers who were 9 and 11. guess who had a fucking blast?
that's right.
me.
guess who whined the whole time?
you know it was my brothers.
it literally hurts no one for her to go. you're just being mean for no reason.
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yta. let people enjoy things, fuck.
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yta - your sister has a disney addiction so what? she could’ve been addicted to drugs, or addicted to food or alcohol. be greatful.
you either have nothing to be happy about in your life or you just want her to stop spending money on her so you can get it when she dies.
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my mom was a nursing home nurse. and she loved it. not one week went by where she did not come home crying . sometimes because someone died. sometimes because someone was lonely with no fam to visit. sometimes for the children who are dying and are in a nursing home.
and she loved it. she was an amazing woman and i am proud to be her kid.
and she lived disney. and fairy tales. i wonder if her love of whimsy was part of why she could do what she did. how she coped.
the last movie i saw with her before she died was a disney movie. all her grown daughters (she only had girls....we didnt exclude thw grandsons!) with their late teens to adult kids piled up on a floor covered with mattresses because she was losing her cancer battle and couldn't stand or even sit up well.
and my next tattoo will be malefecent ... for her.
disney is her joy. let her have it.
edit mobile typing mess ups
edit. omgersh thank you for the awards!
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yta. she's not hurting anyone. let her have her happiness. life is too short to miss out on what you love due to other people's judgment.
sincerely, a grown adult who has a sailor moon room in her house.
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yta. i have a former coworker who loves disney. we live in fl and she would go every weekend. there's nothing wrong with it and you don't really have a right to be embarrassed
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: one of my sisters is obsessed with all things disney. when we were kids she couldn't get enough of the movies but she never grew out of it. every year since she finished nursing school her annual vacation is disney related; disneyland, disneyworld, disney cruises or disney parks in other countries. except for the last 3 calendar years because of the coronavirus of course. her scrubs for work have disney characters. that would make some sense if she worked in a children's hospital or with kids but she's only ever worked in nursing homes. she has some disney stuff but her house isn't overtaken like some of the fanatics i've heard online. i'll give her that. that would be a bridge too far. i know she hopes to retire in florida near disney. if she could afford it she would already live in california or florida instead of louisiana. she's already booked a disney trip for next year hoping the pandemic won't cancel it. she's turning 50 next year and it's weird fpr a single woman with no kids to be into disney and go on those vacations alone. i had hoped her having to skip her disney trips would force her to grow up and maybe move on from the obsession but it hasn't and instead she is going on her 25th disney vacation as she says. i told her that her obsession is weird and needs to stop and she needs to grow up. she's almost 50 for crying out loud. i'm not the only one in the family that feels this way but my sister doesn't want to listen she just argues about it. it's weird and there a million things she could do on vacation that aren't disney themed. aita i just told it like it was.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
one of my sisters is obsessed with all things disney. when we were kids she couldn't get enough of the movies but she never grew out of it. every year since she finished nursing school her annual vacation is disney related; disneyland, disneyworld, disney cruises or disney parks in other countries. except for the last 3 calendar years because of the coronavirus of course. her scrubs for work have disney characters. that would make some sense if she worked in a children's hospital or with kids but she's only ever worked in nursing homes. she has some disney stuff but her house isn't overtaken like some of the fanatics i've heard online. i'll give her that. that would be a bridge too far. i know she hopes to retire in florida near disney. if she could afford it she would already live in california or florida instead of louisiana. she's already booked a disney trip for next year hoping the pandemic won't cancel it. she's turning 50 next year and it's weird fpr a single woman with no kids to be into disney and go on those vacations alone. i had hoped her having to skip her disney trips would force her to grow up and maybe move on from the obsession but it hasn't and instead she is going on her 25th disney vacation as she says. i told her that her obsession is weird and needs to stop and she needs to grow up. she's almost 50 for crying out loud. i'm not the only one in the family that feels this way but my sister doesn't want to listen she just argues about it. it's weird and there a million things she could do on vacation that aren't disney themed. aita i just told it like it was. [/INST] yta. you know what's *way* weirder than your sister's love of disney? you being so personally offended by your sister's love of disney that you've taken it upon yourself to spoil her harmless fun. do you not have any hobbies of your own? </s>
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AITA for telling my youngest daughter that I cannot give her away at her wedding?
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long backstory: i have 2 daughters, anna (elder)and carly (younger) who are a year apart.
carly and anna were close when they were younger but drifted apart in their teenage years. i think she started resenting carly because carly always seemed to do well, academically and socially.
anna decided to take loans and go to a college she wasn't really a fan of. carly got a full ride to anna's dream college. anna became very resentful after that. she was sure that carly chose that college to rub it in anna's face.
i tried my best to accommodate them both. anna refused to talk to carly and didn't consent to any form of therapy. carly refused to compromise as anna kept being unreasonable. in the end, they both stopped talking to each other. neither of them has ever asked me to choose between them. as long as i don't bring up the other or try to get them to reconcile, i have a good relationship with both of them.
now: anna is a single mom with a 3 year old kid (alex) who is always in between jobs and in debt. me and my now-wife help out when we can, she recieves a bit of child support but i have to admit that she is struggling. carly on the other hand, lives comfortably, has an incredible job and is living with her long term boyfriend.
recently carly announced that her boyfriend proposes and that she wants to plan a wedding in 2022. she asked me to walk her down the isle and i may have cried a bit.
however, anna found out and then she came over to my house and had a breakdown (?) about how she always thought she would be the first to get married in the family and she has always wanted me to give her away first. i tried to console her but she ended up getting angry and told me that i should refuse to give away carly or have a father/daughter dance with her at the wedding. at first, i refused but she then threatened to cut off all contact between her/alex and us. [if alex wasn't in the picture, i would have cut anna off. as things stand, i need to consider alex's well being].
carly is staunchly childfree and it is very possible that alex is going to be my only grandchild. without my help, alex's life is just going to be much more harder and i cannot abandon alex with a good conscience.
while i understood that carly would be upset, alex was a child and he is priority.
i spoke to carly, explained the situation. i told her that there was still time and i would figure out a way get anna to change her mind. if not, i still promised her that i would still be very involved with her wedding except those 2 things. carly just laughed and told me not to bother with her anymore and told me she wasn't going to invite me to her wedding.
i definitely know that anna is an asshole putting me in this position. but aita for expecting carly to be more understanding?
| 6,626 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jokf37/aita_for_telling_my_youngest_daughter_that_i/
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2020-11-05 15:12:42
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yta. you're letting your daughter and her selfish wants win. you're not choosing alex, you're choosing anna over carly. shame on you.
if i were you, i'd call anna's bluff. she sounds like she's not doing too hot in life. my guess is she'd go no contact for a week before realizing she needs all the support she can get.
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yta - holy shit are you the asshole. your oldest child has been an abusive monster to your younger daughter for the better part of her life, and as you've described it here, you've been complicit in it. the fact that you would even remotely entertain anna's insane demand, grandchild or no, shows how unsupportive you've been. if you want any hope of keeping carly in your life, tell anna she's being ridiculous and you're not going to allow her to dictate the terms of your relationship with carly.
jesus christ, i can't believe you need someone to tell you this.
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yta 100% “neither of them has ever asked me to choose between them” well anna just asked and you gave into her immediately. you just chose your overly jealous daughter over what... the one that was more successful? carly is being punished because she was better in school, more social, etc? how is that fair? and using your reasoning as carly will never give you grandchildren, is that the price of love to you?
it sounds like anna has been throwing herself a pity party because she doesn’t want to come to terms with the fact that she is different than her sister, not worse or better, but different and you just validated her not coming to terms with that. i’m glad carly uninvited you from the wedding, who treats their daughter like that and still expects to be in their life?
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yta. it is not your job to mediate their adult relationship but it is your job to set boundaries with your children.
your older child just set her boundary with you,that you will not do anything for your younger child that she does not approve of or that she will use her child to punish you.
you have decided to abide by it. it sounds as though your younger daughter is ending her relationship with you and that is something that you will have to live with for the rest of your life. because chances are good that your older daughter, needing as much of your help as she does to raise her child, would not have cut you off forever over something that is in no way harming her child. the younger daughter who does not need that kind of assistance from you was in your life because she loved you.
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yta. you're not going to give carly away because you anna "thought she would be the first to get married in the family and she has always wanted me to give her away first?" that's selfish and illogical.
the reason anna is so difficult is because you've enabled her to be difficult, and affirmed every bad attitude she's developed over the years. of course you're an ah for "expecting carly to be more understanding." carly understands the situation better than you do.
you've chosen one daughter over another, so i hope you're happy with that decision, because the consequences are going to be with you and your family for a long time to come.
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yta. good luck salvaging your relationship with carly.
her laughing over your response makes me think you've been bending to anna's demands frequently over the years and taking the easy out.
you have your priorities all skewed. your grandson is not your responsibility. he is anna's. she manipulated you into taking care of him. the second you do anything she doesn't like, she'll cut you off. you ready to do this for the rest of your life? she has you right where she wants you. dance, puppet. dance!
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yta your negotiating with a terrorist. anna has completely unrealistic expectations. you have two daughters, be a father to both.
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yep, yta. you just told carly, by your actions, that anna is more important to you.
anna also played you, hard, and you fell for it. "if you walk carly down the aisle you won't see me or alex again!" what a loaded ultimatum. i hope you realize that anna is being manipulative, and using alex as a pawn to use you *and* exact revenge against carly.
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yta for kowtowing to the unreasonable daughter here. your place is to be supporting and loving to both children despite the sibling rivalry and you are refusing to engage in traditional fatherly things with one daughter to appease the other, not cool.
the fact that anna has a child or doesn't should not affect your equal treatment of both children. her holding a grandchild hostage says everything about her, not you.
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yta
stop accommodating anna’s selfish behavior.
carley doesn’t have to accept that her sister is so spoiled and selfish she even thought asking you not to walk her sis down the aisle was acceptable.
maybe you should cut anna off, i bet her threats about alex are baseless since she relies on you for support.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: long backstory: i have 2 daughters, anna (elder)and carly (younger) who are a year apart. carly and anna were close when they were younger but drifted apart in their teenage years. i think she started resenting carly because carly always seemed to do well, academically and socially. anna decided to take loans and go to a college she wasn't really a fan of. carly got a full ride to anna's dream college. anna became very resentful after that. she was sure that carly chose that college to rub it in anna's face. i tried my best to accommodate them both. anna refused to talk to carly and didn't consent to any form of therapy. carly refused to compromise as anna kept being unreasonable. in the end, they both stopped talking to each other. neither of them has ever asked me to choose between them. as long as i don't bring up the other or try to get them to reconcile, i have a good relationship with both of them. now: anna is a single mom with a 3 year old kid (alex) who is always in between jobs and in debt. me and my now-wife help out when we can, she recieves a bit of child support but i have to admit that she is struggling. carly on the other hand, lives comfortably, has an incredible job and is living with her long term boyfriend. recently carly announced that her boyfriend proposes and that she wants to plan a wedding in 2022. she asked me to walk her down the isle and i may have cried a bit. however, anna found out and then she came over to my house and had a breakdown (?) about how she always thought she would be the first to get married in the family and she has always wanted me to give her away first. i tried to console her but she ended up getting angry and told me that i should refuse to give away carly or have a father/daughter dance with her at the wedding. at first, i refused but she then threatened to cut off all contact between her/alex and us. [if alex wasn't in the picture, i would have cut anna off. as things stand, i need to consider alex's well being]. carly is staunchly childfree and it is very possible that alex is going to be my only grandchild. without my help, alex's life is just going to be much more harder and i cannot abandon alex with a good conscience. while i understood that carly would be upset, alex was a child and he is priority. i spoke to carly, explained the situation. i told her that there was still time and i would figure out a way get anna to change her mind. if not, i still promised her that i would still be very involved with her wedding except those 2 things. carly just laughed and told me not to bother with her anymore and told me she wasn't going to invite me to her wedding. i definitely know that anna is an asshole putting me in this position. but aita for expecting carly to be more understanding?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
long backstory: i have 2 daughters, anna (elder)and carly (younger) who are a year apart. carly and anna were close when they were younger but drifted apart in their teenage years. i think she started resenting carly because carly always seemed to do well, academically and socially. anna decided to take loans and go to a college she wasn't really a fan of. carly got a full ride to anna's dream college. anna became very resentful after that. she was sure that carly chose that college to rub it in anna's face. i tried my best to accommodate them both. anna refused to talk to carly and didn't consent to any form of therapy. carly refused to compromise as anna kept being unreasonable. in the end, they both stopped talking to each other. neither of them has ever asked me to choose between them. as long as i don't bring up the other or try to get them to reconcile, i have a good relationship with both of them. now: anna is a single mom with a 3 year old kid (alex) who is always in between jobs and in debt. me and my now-wife help out when we can, she recieves a bit of child support but i have to admit that she is struggling. carly on the other hand, lives comfortably, has an incredible job and is living with her long term boyfriend. recently carly announced that her boyfriend proposes and that she wants to plan a wedding in 2022. she asked me to walk her down the isle and i may have cried a bit. however, anna found out and then she came over to my house and had a breakdown (?) about how she always thought she would be the first to get married in the family and she has always wanted me to give her away first. i tried to console her but she ended up getting angry and told me that i should refuse to give away carly or have a father/daughter dance with her at the wedding. at first, i refused but she then threatened to cut off all contact between her/alex and us. [if alex wasn't in the picture, i would have cut anna off. as things stand, i need to consider alex's well being]. carly is staunchly childfree and it is very possible that alex is going to be my only grandchild. without my help, alex's life is just going to be much more harder and i cannot abandon alex with a good conscience. while i understood that carly would be upset, alex was a child and he is priority. i spoke to carly, explained the situation. i told her that there was still time and i would figure out a way get anna to change her mind. if not, i still promised her that i would still be very involved with her wedding except those 2 things. carly just laughed and told me not to bother with her anymore and told me she wasn't going to invite me to her wedding. i definitely know that anna is an asshole putting me in this position. but aita for expecting carly to be more understanding? [/INST] yta. you're letting your daughter and her selfish wants win. you're not choosing alex, you're choosing anna over carly. shame on you. if i were you, i'd call anna's bluff. she sounds like she's not doing too hot in life. my guess is she'd go no contact for a week before realizing she needs all the support she can get. </s>
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AITA for telling my family that if they gift us money for our wedding, there will be no "strings attached" or we will politely decline it?
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i fucking hate wedding culture.
it's bullshit.
my fiance and i thought we would escape the bullshit and money by having a small thing. well, family started trying to throw money at us to make it bigger and more spectacular. we were surprised, but it was a good surprise.
then the demands started coming out. they wanted this, they wanted that, they wanted this person to come, these colors, dresses can't do this, this person has to be flower girl, this person has to be a groomsman, etc etc. suddenly it didn't feel like our wedding, but an excuse for our families to have a family reunion.
we put our foot down and said:
>thank you all for your kindness and generosity when it comes to our wedding. unfortunately, it looks like we may not have been on the same page as the rest of you. when we were offered money for this wedding, we did not realize it came with strings attached. with so many requests and so many demands from people we didn't expect would think they had a say in *our* wedding, we have decided to give everyone their money back.
>
>our understanding of what a gift is must be very different.
>
>if you would like to give us money without strings attached or requests or demands, we will gracefully accept it. but if you believe a gift should come with stipulations, we must regretfully, and politely decline.
this has caused an epic shitstorm. such to the point where i have people saying they will never come to our wedding (honestly, not the worse thing in the world), that we are spoiled, we're assholes, etc etc etc. my parents are rather upset about it, but hers (who never made any demands and gave us a small cash gift) said we did the right thing.
we are halfway to canceling the whole party and just absconding into the wilderness to do the wedding the way we want.
aita? (are we?)
| 37,269 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c8uwj2/aita_for_telling_my_family_that_if_they_gift_us/
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2019-07-03 22:52:45
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nta, this is the exact reason people elope.
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nta
> that we are spoiled
"we're spoiled because you cant get what you want at our wedding?"
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nta. that's how gifts work. i vote ditch the whole ceremony and do a small destination wedding just the two ish of you
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i fear that weddings have gone from being a celebration of the beginning of a life together to an “everyone cater to my every whim and make me queen for a day and idk, may divorce later.” (op, not referencing your wedding in particular, your circumstances are your own and if a reasonable representation of your family, you’re nta.” i’ve just been reading so much on aita about wedding drama....
the reason many parents want to invite people is because we are supposed to celebrate one another’s achievements and blessings. “back in my day” my family attended weddings (which always included children) of cousins and neighbors’ children, kids of coworkers, etc. good friends and family participated in other families’ events, kids’ birthday parties, engagement parties ... and watched kids grow from first steps to high school graduation, college sometimes and into married life to repeat the cycle. weddings took place in the local parish and receptions in an attached party hall or even someone’s home.
now, perhaps because people move farther away and more often, kids are more independent, parents already spending so much on college that they can’t foot the whole bill, etc , couples are paying for their own weddings and it’s morphing into a “this is our grand gala” instead of a contemplation of a life together. moms and dads want to celebrate with their friends, too. raising kids is a long and stressful ride and marrying that child off to their forever mate signals a sense of, “phew! we did it! we can rest easy while they ride off into the sunset with one another to help them navigate the waters from here on.” it really does take a village.
guests are not supposed to be so grateful they were even invited that they give a gift of a value equal or greater to the cost of their dinner - the bride and groom are supposed to circulate at the reception and graciously thank the guests for sharing in their joy. wedding parties are supposed to be made up of the loved ones who helped the little girl and little boy grow into that kind of adult that would make a loving spouse, not the “pretty enough but not prettier than the bride“ girls that they’ve known for a year or so and have to cut their hair, pay $250 for their makeup session and are rich enough to throw some destination hen party extravaganza.
i vote for more elopements and more 20-year anniversary parties- where there’s no question anymore if it’s forever and a pretty dress that doesn’t cost $20k. i know, i’m kind of old and not too woke but i want my kids to know that the person they’ve chosen is the person with which they dream of growing old and if it’s done in a courtroom, a vegas chapel or westminster abbey, that it’s forever.
end of rant - thanks if you read it :)
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my favorite part of the whole post? the constant use of we. you and your bride. we are choosing this. we have responded thus. you are on the path to a wonderful partnership - off to the wilderness with you and have a wonderful life together.
obviously nta
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[deleted]
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nta.....that money was not a gift
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nta, a gift is a gift
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> our understanding of what a gift is must be very different.
i think the only part of this message that rubbed me wrong (and i'm not even involved) was this part.
it wasn't necessary.
people would still get angry but i think that 1 line made it extra worse.
you're nta for what it's worth. just my 2 cents about it
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nta, weddings and funerals are when you learn who your true fam is.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i fucking hate wedding culture. it's bullshit. my fiance and i thought we would escape the bullshit and money by having a small thing. well, family started trying to throw money at us to make it bigger and more spectacular. we were surprised, but it was a good surprise. then the demands started coming out. they wanted this, they wanted that, they wanted this person to come, these colors, dresses can't do this, this person has to be flower girl, this person has to be a groomsman, etc etc. suddenly it didn't feel like our wedding, but an excuse for our families to have a family reunion. we put our foot down and said: >thank you all for your kindness and generosity when it comes to our wedding. unfortunately, it looks like we may not have been on the same page as the rest of you. when we were offered money for this wedding, we did not realize it came with strings attached. with so many requests and so many demands from people we didn't expect would think they had a say in *our* wedding, we have decided to give everyone their money back. > >our understanding of what a gift is must be very different. > >if you would like to give us money without strings attached or requests or demands, we will gracefully accept it. but if you believe a gift should come with stipulations, we must regretfully, and politely decline. this has caused an epic shitstorm. such to the point where i have people saying they will never come to our wedding (honestly, not the worse thing in the world), that we are spoiled, we're assholes, etc etc etc. my parents are rather upset about it, but hers (who never made any demands and gave us a small cash gift) said we did the right thing. we are halfway to canceling the whole party and just absconding into the wilderness to do the wedding the way we want. aita? (are we?)
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i fucking hate wedding culture. it's bullshit. my fiance and i thought we would escape the bullshit and money by having a small thing. well, family started trying to throw money at us to make it bigger and more spectacular. we were surprised, but it was a good surprise. then the demands started coming out. they wanted this, they wanted that, they wanted this person to come, these colors, dresses can't do this, this person has to be flower girl, this person has to be a groomsman, etc etc. suddenly it didn't feel like our wedding, but an excuse for our families to have a family reunion. we put our foot down and said: >thank you all for your kindness and generosity when it comes to our wedding. unfortunately, it looks like we may not have been on the same page as the rest of you. when we were offered money for this wedding, we did not realize it came with strings attached. with so many requests and so many demands from people we didn't expect would think they had a say in *our* wedding, we have decided to give everyone their money back. > >our understanding of what a gift is must be very different. > >if you would like to give us money without strings attached or requests or demands, we will gracefully accept it. but if you believe a gift should come with stipulations, we must regretfully, and politely decline. this has caused an epic shitstorm. such to the point where i have people saying they will never come to our wedding (honestly, not the worse thing in the world), that we are spoiled, we're assholes, etc etc etc. my parents are rather upset about it, but hers (who never made any demands and gave us a small cash gift) said we did the right thing. we are halfway to canceling the whole party and just absconding into the wilderness to do the wedding the way we want. aita? (are we?) [/INST] nta, this is the exact reason people elope. </s>
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AITA For proposing to my girlfriend at my brother's wedding?
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so while the title sounds bad, please read, hope to clarify why i did it.
my brother and me get along great and when we were younger, we'd try to include each other in any celebrations/birthdays, etc. so like when we were 7, at each of our birthdays, we'd blow out the candles together, or when he graduated high school he'd make the party about me too (i graduated the following year and also used my party to also celebrate his successful first year in college).
last weekend was my brother's wedding and since we were so close and generally had no problem sharing the spotlight, i figured i'd propose to my girlfriend. after some dancing where couples danced with their sos, i went to the dj and asked him to quiet down the music. i got down on one knee and made my proposal. my girlfriend was ecstatic, people congratulated us, etc. my brother also congratulated us, but about a half an hour later he came up to me and asked to speak privately.
he told me he didn't have a problem with my proposal, but that his now-wife complained to him and called me a bunch of names. i told my brother i'd talk to her, but i was upset that his wife didn't just come to me to talk about what happened and was acting passive aggressive about it.
when his wife had a moment to herself, i went up to her and apologized and said i should have asked her permission first. she went off on me and told me how i ruined the wedding.
i told her she's being dramatic and everyone is having a good time. unfortunately me and his wife were never really on the best of terms, i told her i didn't think my brother should have ever married her and i hope they get divorced.
me and my fiancee left early, couldn't find my brother or wife anywhere and we haven't spoken since then.
| 5,791 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eup5jx/aita_for_proposing_to_my_girlfriend_at_my/
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2020-01-27 15:12:01
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yta
you didn't even ask the couple for their permission first? dude, you're a huge asshole. and then you doubled down on the assholery and told the bride you hope they get divorced? dude, i hope this is fake cause that's some next-level shittiness on your part.
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info: are you out of your mind?
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yta... not only for taking away from your brothers brides day, but for what you said after. such an asshole move.
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yes, yta. proposing **at** a wedding is just in poor taste.
&#x200b;
> i was upset that his wife didn't just come to me to talk about what happened and was acting passive aggressive about it.
the irony in this statement. you did something to take the focus off of her/your brother, without asking them first, while at their wedding. man, if only you'd just come to talk to them before doing it.
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yta, massively. if i was the bride, i’d never speak to you again.
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at their wedding, you:
1. proposed without running it by them first
2. told the bride you didn't think her husband should have married her and you hope they get divorced.
and you have to ask if yta? if this is real then yes. yes you are.
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yta for not asking, for insulting your brother's wife, and also for not realizing you probably embarrassed the hell out of your girlfriend. if my boyfriend pulled something like this i would be so uncomfortable.
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yta. you and your brother may have enjoyed joint celebrations as children and young adults. but that in no way means you are entitled to share the spotlight in his wedding!! your brother and sil are rightly pissed-off. you effectively hijacked the wedding that they spent a lot of money and effort to organise. you have a lot of groveling to do to make things right.
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yta. you stole the spotlight at your brother's wedding.
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yta. of course you should have asked them first.
and then telling your brother he shouldn't have married her because she was understandably annoyed? if my brother pulled something like this i wouldn't speak to him again. yta x1000
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so while the title sounds bad, please read, hope to clarify why i did it. my brother and me get along great and when we were younger, we'd try to include each other in any celebrations/birthdays, etc. so like when we were 7, at each of our birthdays, we'd blow out the candles together, or when he graduated high school he'd make the party about me too (i graduated the following year and also used my party to also celebrate his successful first year in college). last weekend was my brother's wedding and since we were so close and generally had no problem sharing the spotlight, i figured i'd propose to my girlfriend. after some dancing where couples danced with their sos, i went to the dj and asked him to quiet down the music. i got down on one knee and made my proposal. my girlfriend was ecstatic, people congratulated us, etc. my brother also congratulated us, but about a half an hour later he came up to me and asked to speak privately. he told me he didn't have a problem with my proposal, but that his now-wife complained to him and called me a bunch of names. i told my brother i'd talk to her, but i was upset that his wife didn't just come to me to talk about what happened and was acting passive aggressive about it. when his wife had a moment to herself, i went up to her and apologized and said i should have asked her permission first. she went off on me and told me how i ruined the wedding. i told her she's being dramatic and everyone is having a good time. unfortunately me and his wife were never really on the best of terms, i told her i didn't think my brother should have ever married her and i hope they get divorced. me and my fiancee left early, couldn't find my brother or wife anywhere and we haven't spoken since then.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so while the title sounds bad, please read, hope to clarify why i did it. my brother and me get along great and when we were younger, we'd try to include each other in any celebrations/birthdays, etc. so like when we were 7, at each of our birthdays, we'd blow out the candles together, or when he graduated high school he'd make the party about me too (i graduated the following year and also used my party to also celebrate his successful first year in college). last weekend was my brother's wedding and since we were so close and generally had no problem sharing the spotlight, i figured i'd propose to my girlfriend. after some dancing where couples danced with their sos, i went to the dj and asked him to quiet down the music. i got down on one knee and made my proposal. my girlfriend was ecstatic, people congratulated us, etc. my brother also congratulated us, but about a half an hour later he came up to me and asked to speak privately. he told me he didn't have a problem with my proposal, but that his now-wife complained to him and called me a bunch of names. i told my brother i'd talk to her, but i was upset that his wife didn't just come to me to talk about what happened and was acting passive aggressive about it. when his wife had a moment to herself, i went up to her and apologized and said i should have asked her permission first. she went off on me and told me how i ruined the wedding. i told her she's being dramatic and everyone is having a good time. unfortunately me and his wife were never really on the best of terms, i told her i didn't think my brother should have ever married her and i hope they get divorced. me and my fiancee left early, couldn't find my brother or wife anywhere and we haven't spoken since then. [/INST] yta you didn't even ask the couple for their permission first? dude, you're a huge asshole. and then you doubled down on the assholery and told the bride you hope they get divorced? dude, i hope this is fake cause that's some next-level shittiness on your part. </s>
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AITA for having our daughter cook dinner once’s a week?
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i (35m) have a daughter, rebecca (15f) and i have to admit both my wife and i worked a ton. so we have money and since we were both busy with work we hired a maid and cook to come by twice a week. well a while ago both of us realized rebecca doesn’t now how to do much. so we changed what sara (maid) cleans, no more cleaning rebecca’s room or laundry.
rebecca was not happy about this but she needed to learn how to clean up after herself before she went to college. both of us then realized that rebecca can not cook at all either. she only knows how to make sandwiches and heat food up. we really dropped the ball on this so we decided to have her cook dinner once a week.
it start two weeks ago and so far all rebecca made was spaghetti and tacos. the are not difficult meals so yesterday i gave rebecca a recipe to follow, chicken parmesan. she was in the kitchen for three hours making it. i have to admit it wasn’t the best and i commented that.
rebecca got really quiet and said well maybe if you actually taught me crap instead of throwing me to the wolves each time i could do stuff. she picked up her plate and throw the food away. i then grounded her and she went to her room.
i called my sister and she laughed and said i don’t even know how to cook either and that i am ass for always throwing my kids head first.
| 10,044 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vqlxkm/aita_for_having_our_daughter_cook_dinner_onces_a/
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2022-07-03 16:57:26
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yta. not for making your kid cook. for shaming her for it when you did, indeed, throw her to the wolves. and then grounding her when she acted out.
edited a typo
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yes, yta. you should be cooking with her, and teaching her.
also, laughing and insulting someone doing something new is pathetic.
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“i didn’t teach my child basic life skills and now i’m mad that she doesn’t know basic life skills. aita for literally not preparing my child for adulthood and getting mad at my child for my mistake?” that’s how the fuck you sound
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yta for:
- not teaching her any cooking skills and then being surprised that her food “wasn’t the best.”
- commenting on the quality of the food when she clearly put a ton of effort into the meal (three hours in the kitchen!)
- grounding her when she was clearly (and validly) upset that you criticized the meal she worked so hard on
instead of punching down on your child, why don’t you encourage her by: saying how grateful you are that she cooked; cooking with her; going with her to cooking classes. oh, and un-ground her, and apologize for your rude behavior / abusing your parental authority.
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yta. i am all on board about having her cook. however you do not get a say in what she cooks nor was it appropriate for you to say how bad the meal turned out. you might wish to consider taking her advice and working along side her.
p.s grounding her here was over the top.
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yta
either cook with her or hire someone to teach her.
if you are unwilling to do anything to help her learn, you don't get to criticize her efforts.
since you can't cook, either, maybe you should find someone who can teach both of you the basic techniques and then make it a weekly routine to try a new recipe *together*.
(oh, and while you're trying to rectify your parenting failures, does she know how to shop for groceries? how to figure out how much of what to buy? how to select produce? how to budget?)
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yta — nothing quite says “insensitive, a-hole parent” like disrespecting your child after she attempts to do something out of her comfort zone that doesn’t live up to your expectations.
you raised your daughter to be dependent and unable to fend for herself. help her along in becoming independent and give her some credit for attempting to succeed.
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yta. cooking is actually pretty hard. if someone is t a good cook, giving them a chicken parm is too advanced for them. start with basics. how to make sandwiches, how to cook pasta properly.
imagine getting grounded for doing what you were asked to do because daddy didn’t like it.
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>both of us then realized that rebecca can not cook at all either. she only knows how to make sandwiches and heat food up. we really dropped the ball on this so we decided to have her cook dinner once a week.
we dropped the ball on teaching you how to be a functional adult, so now we're going to make you responsible for what we didn't teach you _and_ judge you for not already having learned it.
>it start two weeks ago and so far all rebecca made was spaghetti and tacos. the are not difficult meals so yesterday i gave rebecca a recipe to follow, chicken parmesan.
so she made two successful dinners and you _punished_ her for it? what the fuck, man?
>rebecca got really quiet and said well maybe if you actually taught me crap instead of throwing me to the wolves each time i could do stuff. she picked up her plate and throw the food away. i then grounded her and she went to her room.
yta. she's right, and you know it.
>i called my sister and she laughed and said i don’t even know how to cook either and that i am ass for always throwing my kids head first.
so you're an asshole _and_ a hypocrite, no surprise.
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so you don't teach your daughter how to cook, comment negatively on the food she spent three hours trying to make (while 'figuring it out' because you're too lazy to teach her how to cook), and then act surprised when she's upset.
yta. what is it with the uptick in shitty parent posts the past few days?
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (35m) have a daughter, rebecca (15f) and i have to admit both my wife and i worked a ton. so we have money and since we were both busy with work we hired a maid and cook to come by twice a week. well a while ago both of us realized rebecca doesn’t now how to do much. so we changed what sara (maid) cleans, no more cleaning rebecca’s room or laundry. rebecca was not happy about this but she needed to learn how to clean up after herself before she went to college. both of us then realized that rebecca can not cook at all either. she only knows how to make sandwiches and heat food up. we really dropped the ball on this so we decided to have her cook dinner once a week. it start two weeks ago and so far all rebecca made was spaghetti and tacos. the are not difficult meals so yesterday i gave rebecca a recipe to follow, chicken parmesan. she was in the kitchen for three hours making it. i have to admit it wasn’t the best and i commented that. rebecca got really quiet and said well maybe if you actually taught me crap instead of throwing me to the wolves each time i could do stuff. she picked up her plate and throw the food away. i then grounded her and she went to her room. i called my sister and she laughed and said i don’t even know how to cook either and that i am ass for always throwing my kids head first.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (35m) have a daughter, rebecca (15f) and i have to admit both my wife and i worked a ton. so we have money and since we were both busy with work we hired a maid and cook to come by twice a week. well a while ago both of us realized rebecca doesn’t now how to do much. so we changed what sara (maid) cleans, no more cleaning rebecca’s room or laundry. rebecca was not happy about this but she needed to learn how to clean up after herself before she went to college. both of us then realized that rebecca can not cook at all either. she only knows how to make sandwiches and heat food up. we really dropped the ball on this so we decided to have her cook dinner once a week. it start two weeks ago and so far all rebecca made was spaghetti and tacos. the are not difficult meals so yesterday i gave rebecca a recipe to follow, chicken parmesan. she was in the kitchen for three hours making it. i have to admit it wasn’t the best and i commented that. rebecca got really quiet and said well maybe if you actually taught me crap instead of throwing me to the wolves each time i could do stuff. she picked up her plate and throw the food away. i then grounded her and she went to her room. i called my sister and she laughed and said i don’t even know how to cook either and that i am ass for always throwing my kids head first. [/INST] yta. not for making your kid cook. for shaming her for it when you did, indeed, throw her to the wolves. and then grounding her when she acted out. edited a typo </s>
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AITA for telling my husband to grow a pair
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my husband and i have been together for 16 years, married for 11. he has always had a pretty low pain tolerance though he won’t admit it (once he accidentally kneeled on one of our toddler’s hot wheels cars and it put him out of commission for the entire day although nothing was broken or even bruised). i’ve become alarmed many times at his over reactive response to things like stubbing his toe or hitting his funny bone on something, he will literally moan and whine and shout out in pain over the most minor stuff.
i always thought of it as a quirk of his, not too major to actually have a conversation about, until yesterday. i have what my doctors believe is crohn’s disease, and i’ve been in the thick of a nasty flare-up for the last few days. for those of you unfamiliar, it’s an inflammatory bowel disease and causes diarrhea, vomiting, etc. i was trying to take a nap for some relief and had just gotten to sleep, when i hear an actual scream from downstairs. i jump out of bed and find my husband clutching his hand. i asked what happened and he told me he pinched his finger in the baby gate. i looked at it and it wasn’t even red, no broken skin.
i told him he woke me up with his scream and probably also woke up our son, and he said he couldn’t help it, it just hurt so bad. i said ‘you know what else hurts? shitting my brains out all morning and not being able to take a nap because you’re being so loud over a minor mishap’. he got really offended and said that i wouldn’t like it if i pinched my finger either and i said no i sure wouldn’t but i also wouldn’t scream my head off, i didn’t even do that when i was giving birth to a 9-lb baby unmedicated. he said well your body was made to do that, i’m not made to get my finger stuck in a baby gate. this is when i rolled my eyes, told him to grow a pair, and went back upstairs to try and rest.
yes, i said it out of anger, but my husband is acting like i emasculated him horribly and insulted him to his very core and is barely speaking to me. i’m not in any hurry to apologize especially since he didn’t for waking me up when i’m dealing (pretty silently) with objectively more pain than he was.
| 20,255 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g77rzf/aita_for_telling_my_husband_to_grow_a_pair/
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2020-04-24 12:47:55
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nta- either he’s using it as a way to get attention (most likely) or he needs to talk to his doctor about it. it is definitely not normal to have that low of pain tolerance.
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nta... his low pain tolerance isn't the problem, it's his reaction to it. you can control your reactions to things. i'm sure we've all been in a situation where you hurt yourself and go to involentarily swear but realize your around a child and stop yourself.
when he screams he's making his pain everyone else's problem. he needs to be an adult and control his responses.
pop psychology - i'm betting mom gave him lots and love and attention when he vocally expressed that he hurt himself. maybe see if you can find a way of reinforcing him when he doesn't react.
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nta-but i think the better phrase is “grow a vag”
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nta - he was an ass for saying that your body was meant to deliver babies, trying to inflate the point you were making. i think you absolutely had a right to call him out, who even screams out loud like that? maybe he should go to the doctor and check for neurological issues.
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mate, the whole “your body was made for childbirth” thing was sooooo out of line. sure, what you said wasn’t exactly nice, but how he refused to apologise for waking you up really grinds me gears, can’t imagine how you’re feeling. if i ever woke someone up like that, especially someone as worn out as you are, even if my arm had been ripped off or something i’d still apologise straight away. sounds like he needs not to grow a pair, but to grow up.
it’s true that some people have higher pain tolerances than others, but this sounds ridiculous. is it possible that he did it to wake you up on purpose? absolutely not trying to stir the pot any more than it has been, but not even any reddening from a pinch makes me suspicious, though it’s not my place to say.
big ole nta for you. i hope you feel better soon~ 💕
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esh - yeah your husband is acting ridiculous. but things said in anger are often the wrong things. with a cooler head maybe apologize and hopefully he does too. i definitely think he owes you one also. then maybe have a conversation about what seems to be attention seeking behavior and how there are healthier ways that he can get his needs met.
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low grade esh, close to a n a h. sorry probably not a popular opinion. he shut his hand in a baby gate and yelled. it probably did hurt, was probably surprising, and a lot of people would have done the same.
i know your crohn's really, really sucks, and that you have said he has a low pain tolerance, but it doesn't give you the right to gate keep his pain. you sound rightfully frustrated with your disease but you kinda admitted you lost your temper with him. yes, he was insensitive saying how you're designed to give birth to a 9lb baby, but it sounds like you put him on the back foot by coming down and telling him off when and he was being reactionary/defensive. closing a gate on your hand and then being told off will make your adrenaline spike, and hearing a yell whilst resting did the same to you. sounds like you were both in a bit of fight or flight.
also pain is a pretty complicated subject, but it is only ever a subjective experience, so you cannot be objectively in more pain than someone else, tho i'm not trying to suggest for a second i'd rather have crohn's than shut my hand in a gate.
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nta.
stop paying attention to any of his screams. any. it seems it's his way to get attention and play a victim he developed from childhood. for the same amount of pain he screams louder because this is how he's calibrated. he can react differently, he chooses not to.
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esh. he's either over reacting or there's a problem he needs to see the doctor about. i think you snapped due to the pain in the flare up and while it's outside if your control, your reactions are in your control.
you should probably apologize and tell him that if things are that painful, that he should see a doctor about it
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yta purely for the "grow a pair" comment.
everyone cries 'toxic masculinity' when its convenient but then ridicule men for not 'being man enough'.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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YTA
| 0.341285 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i have been together for 16 years, married for 11. he has always had a pretty low pain tolerance though he won’t admit it (once he accidentally kneeled on one of our toddler’s hot wheels cars and it put him out of commission for the entire day although nothing was broken or even bruised). i’ve become alarmed many times at his over reactive response to things like stubbing his toe or hitting his funny bone on something, he will literally moan and whine and shout out in pain over the most minor stuff. i always thought of it as a quirk of his, not too major to actually have a conversation about, until yesterday. i have what my doctors believe is crohn’s disease, and i’ve been in the thick of a nasty flare-up for the last few days. for those of you unfamiliar, it’s an inflammatory bowel disease and causes diarrhea, vomiting, etc. i was trying to take a nap for some relief and had just gotten to sleep, when i hear an actual scream from downstairs. i jump out of bed and find my husband clutching his hand. i asked what happened and he told me he pinched his finger in the baby gate. i looked at it and it wasn’t even red, no broken skin. i told him he woke me up with his scream and probably also woke up our son, and he said he couldn’t help it, it just hurt so bad. i said ‘you know what else hurts? shitting my brains out all morning and not being able to take a nap because you’re being so loud over a minor mishap’. he got really offended and said that i wouldn’t like it if i pinched my finger either and i said no i sure wouldn’t but i also wouldn’t scream my head off, i didn’t even do that when i was giving birth to a 9-lb baby unmedicated. he said well your body was made to do that, i’m not made to get my finger stuck in a baby gate. this is when i rolled my eyes, told him to grow a pair, and went back upstairs to try and rest. yes, i said it out of anger, but my husband is acting like i emasculated him horribly and insulted him to his very core and is barely speaking to me. i’m not in any hurry to apologize especially since he didn’t for waking me up when i’m dealing (pretty silently) with objectively more pain than he was.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i have been together for 16 years, married for 11. he has always had a pretty low pain tolerance though he won’t admit it (once he accidentally kneeled on one of our toddler’s hot wheels cars and it put him out of commission for the entire day although nothing was broken or even bruised). i’ve become alarmed many times at his over reactive response to things like stubbing his toe or hitting his funny bone on something, he will literally moan and whine and shout out in pain over the most minor stuff. i always thought of it as a quirk of his, not too major to actually have a conversation about, until yesterday. i have what my doctors believe is crohn’s disease, and i’ve been in the thick of a nasty flare-up for the last few days. for those of you unfamiliar, it’s an inflammatory bowel disease and causes diarrhea, vomiting, etc. i was trying to take a nap for some relief and had just gotten to sleep, when i hear an actual scream from downstairs. i jump out of bed and find my husband clutching his hand. i asked what happened and he told me he pinched his finger in the baby gate. i looked at it and it wasn’t even red, no broken skin. i told him he woke me up with his scream and probably also woke up our son, and he said he couldn’t help it, it just hurt so bad. i said ‘you know what else hurts? shitting my brains out all morning and not being able to take a nap because you’re being so loud over a minor mishap’. he got really offended and said that i wouldn’t like it if i pinched my finger either and i said no i sure wouldn’t but i also wouldn’t scream my head off, i didn’t even do that when i was giving birth to a 9-lb baby unmedicated. he said well your body was made to do that, i’m not made to get my finger stuck in a baby gate. this is when i rolled my eyes, told him to grow a pair, and went back upstairs to try and rest. yes, i said it out of anger, but my husband is acting like i emasculated him horribly and insulted him to his very core and is barely speaking to me. i’m not in any hurry to apologize especially since he didn’t for waking me up when i’m dealing (pretty silently) with objectively more pain than he was. [/INST] nta- either he’s using it as a way to get attention (most likely) or he needs to talk to his doctor about it. it is definitely not normal to have that low of pain tolerance. </s>
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AITA for letting my picky eater child go hungry?
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my four year old has decided to become a picky eater. he doesn't have autism or anything else that causes sensory issues, he's just picky now, he used to be willing to eat anything. if he had his way he'd only eat french fries and goldfish. obviously i'm not going to let him only eat those two things. i'm also not going to be bossed around by a toddler. what i've been doing is that if he turns up his nose at a meal, i'll just say something like "alright, i guess you can eat this later" and put the food in the fridge. if he asks for a snack, i offer him the food, and if he refuses, no snacks except for milk; at the next meal, i'll offer it to him then if he didn't eat it before. he carries on for a bit, but he eventually gets hungry enough that he'll eat whatever it was he was refusing to eat before. he's never gone more than a day of refusing to eat, if he did i'd probably feed him something else. my mom friends are horrified i'd do this to my kid, and tell me i'm old fashioned. i also feel like the worst mother in the world when my kid is whining about how hungry he is. for the record my husband is completely on board with this method. aita for letting him go hungry?
&#x200b;
| 19,691 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bs3303/aita_for_letting_my_picky_eater_child_go_hungry/
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2019-05-23 13:41:05
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nta - toddlers love to test boundaries. your method isn't uncommon, and the kid isn't starving.
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nta - toddlers are terrorists - and we don't negotiate with terrorists, haha
i will say that sometimes the food refusal is about getting some power and control rather than the foods - if you can, maybe give him a choice at mealtimes between two different things? that might help.
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nta
this is the current advice of the health visitor / nhs in the uk. i have a picky toddler myself! they won't starve themselves! obviously if he had any health issues or was losing weight etc. that would be a different matter, but otherwise this is very common and recommend behavioural enforcement.
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my mom did this with me. her go-to line was "this isn't a restaurant, you'll eat what i cook and you aren't getting anything else."
i'm sure she didn't enjoy the experience either but whatcha gonna do? kids are assholes sometimes.
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nah. i come from the perspective of a parent who could not, due to my child's medical needs, use this method. there are other ways to break picky eating habits than insisting the child has no choice but eat what is offered. my child has refused medically necessary food items that are absolutely required to be eaten and we negotiated that at every stage of toddler and preschool behavior and she almost never missed meals.
at 4 its pretty hard to communicate about sensory issues. there are sensory issues that are not related to autism spectrum disorders. a friend of mine has a teenager who had severe undiagnosed tongue and lip ties that were noticed by a dentist at 15. no clue how lactation consultants, doctors, specialists who investigated her daughter's issues with swallowing and other dentists missed it but she had resigned herself to her daughter being picky af. the ties were fixed and she had to relearn to eat now that her tongue actually does its job and her jaw has normal range of motion. she's experiencing food she would have never eaten now.
my point is: don't engage in a battle of wills just for the sake of dominance, its a risk that might have you working against a legitimate issue that can't be communicated now. work through this and start teaching your child the value of a balanced diet. maybe a reward chart that encourages your kid to try a certain number of new or different foods before he will get goldfish or french fries again.
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will probably get downvoted but nah (because obvs i'm not going to call a 4 year old an asshole)
giving in to picky eating habits enables them and allows them to carry on into adolescence and ultimately adulthood. things like this need to be curbed as soon as humanly possible.
you're not starving your kid and you're not denying him food. you're weaning him out of a certain behaviour.
that said this is 100% something you should be bringing up with your paediatrician. i would also ask if there's a paediatric nutritionist you could be referred to so that you can ensure what he's getting is wholesome and nutritious enough that when he does it it, he's getting everything he needs.
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nta. that's the right way to do it.
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i don't have a judgement, just a personal story. i always had to eat what was served for dinner and cause it's the way i grew up, i thought it was right. my bf told me that his mother would cook different things for him and his brothers and i was shocked at first, almost outraged. upon reflection i realized that i have quite a messed up relationship to food (not really a proper eating disorder) and that it because i was forced to either go hungry or to force myself to eat food that would repulse me. so yeah, i obviously didn't starve to death but i got some long term damage... i don't know if the situations are comparable, just wanted to let you know.
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nah/yta : it’s so common for kids to be picky , their tastebuds are more sensitive than adults, they play control games, yada yada yada. i’ve had one picky and one not picky. (the picky one said she didn’t like ice cream for awhile 😱)
i just tried to make sure there was at least one dish my picky kid liked with each meal. guess what they all survived and the picky one eats most everything now at age 18.
however if you’re going to turn this into a showdown, you’re going to lose. don’t turn this into a my way or the highway situation. i never cooked alternate meals for any kid. eat it or if you don’t want it, don’t eat it. but then let it go. start fresh at the next meal. keeping a meal in the fridge until they are forced to eat it on succeeding days is not cool at all.
also it takes 10-15 tries of a new food before a kid may try or like a new food. keep putting broccoli on that plate and don’t push it on him. if he says i don’t want that broccoli, say okay don’t eat it but eat something . picky kid watched us eat broccoli forever (years?) then picked up a fork and started eating broccoli one day.
he’s not going to starve and he’s going to be okay and he will eventually start eating new foods. and he may flip flop on foods (i liked it, now i don’t like it, oh i like it again).
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nta
keep teaching him to be humble and eat what’s in front of him.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NAH
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NAH
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NTA
| null |
NAH
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NTA
| 0.00851 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my four year old has decided to become a picky eater. he doesn't have autism or anything else that causes sensory issues, he's just picky now, he used to be willing to eat anything. if he had his way he'd only eat french fries and goldfish. obviously i'm not going to let him only eat those two things. i'm also not going to be bossed around by a toddler. what i've been doing is that if he turns up his nose at a meal, i'll just say something like "alright, i guess you can eat this later" and put the food in the fridge. if he asks for a snack, i offer him the food, and if he refuses, no snacks except for milk; at the next meal, i'll offer it to him then if he didn't eat it before. he carries on for a bit, but he eventually gets hungry enough that he'll eat whatever it was he was refusing to eat before. he's never gone more than a day of refusing to eat, if he did i'd probably feed him something else. my mom friends are horrified i'd do this to my kid, and tell me i'm old fashioned. i also feel like the worst mother in the world when my kid is whining about how hungry he is. for the record my husband is completely on board with this method. aita for letting him go hungry? &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my four year old has decided to become a picky eater. he doesn't have autism or anything else that causes sensory issues, he's just picky now, he used to be willing to eat anything. if he had his way he'd only eat french fries and goldfish. obviously i'm not going to let him only eat those two things. i'm also not going to be bossed around by a toddler. what i've been doing is that if he turns up his nose at a meal, i'll just say something like "alright, i guess you can eat this later" and put the food in the fridge. if he asks for a snack, i offer him the food, and if he refuses, no snacks except for milk; at the next meal, i'll offer it to him then if he didn't eat it before. he carries on for a bit, but he eventually gets hungry enough that he'll eat whatever it was he was refusing to eat before. he's never gone more than a day of refusing to eat, if he did i'd probably feed him something else. my mom friends are horrified i'd do this to my kid, and tell me i'm old fashioned. i also feel like the worst mother in the world when my kid is whining about how hungry he is. for the record my husband is completely on board with this method. aita for letting him go hungry? &#x200b; [/INST] nta - toddlers love to test boundaries. your method isn't uncommon, and the kid isn't starving. </s>
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AITA for refusing to pay for my friend's EpiPen?
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this is a throwaway because my friends have reddit and i don't want them to find this.
i have a housemate (jilian 26f) who is severely allergic to peanuts. there are 5 of us who rent a house together and we all agreed to put a label in our food containers to help keep jilian safe and avoid contamination. i have a mini fridge in my room where i store my drinks so that i don't have to go to the kitchen if i want a drink in the middle of the night.
well last friday my filipino girlfriend gave me an authentic filipino dish for lunch at work. it's called kare-kare, it's an ox tail stew with a rich peanut sauce. it's in a glass container, and i saved some so i can have it for dinner.
when i got home i put it in my mini fridge but i forgot to eat it that night because we ordered pizza for dinner. saturday i went out with my girlfriend and got home at around 9pm. when i arrived jilian's girlfriend (trish) confronted me saying i almost killed jilian. i didn't know what she was talking about, she went on saying how irresponsible of me to not label the food in my mini fridge. i asked one of our housemates wtf happened and he said jilian had an allergic reaction to my stew because i didn't put a label on the container. i told them it's inside my personal mini fridge and how dare they enter my room. trish said they were looking for beer when they saw my stew. she and another housemate ate it, jilian only tasted it and she had an anaphylactic shock where they had to use her epipen to stop the swelling.
trish then demanded that i need to pay for the epipen. i told them that is not going to happen. if anything they should apologize to me for trespassing and stealing my food. they called me an asshole. she and 3 housemates said i nearly caused jilian her life and the least i could do is apologize and pay for the epipen. aita?
edit for more info: jilian was taken to the hospital. no, i never gave anyone any permission to enter my room. they were drinking that time and were looking for more beer. they ate the dish with some rice that they found on top of the mini fridge. i think jilian ate some rice that had sauce on it. i didn't get to ask the details of that exactly happened.
edit/
| 24,439 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pnd8qo/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_my_friends_epipen/
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2021-09-13 11:08:20
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nta
literally none of this would have happened if they had not invaded your space, without your permission, taken food that did not belong to them, and eaten said food.
perhaps this can be a lesson to them in the future, to not enter a space they don't have permission to enter, and to not eat food that they do not have permission to eat.
eta holy guacamole, thank you everyone 💖
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nta. you're right, but good luck convincing them. fwiw i have a friend who's allergic to peanuts (carries epipens), and i cannot imagine them touching unlabeled food. that's nuts. har har.
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nta. i’m even tempted to say it was karma for attempting to steal beer from your personal fridge.
edit1: i wrote the wrong acronym.
edit2: surely they don’t believe their own bs. they must know they were caught red handed and this is all just a way to deflect from their guilt.
edit3: alright, let’s break this down.
**op**: nta
.
**trish**: a
.
**housemate 1** (one who ate with trish): *if they were aware of the food’s origin* - a; *if unaware but sided with trish later* - a; *if unaware and sides with op* - not a
.
**jillian**: *if she was aware of trish entering op’s room to pilfer beer* - a; *if she did not condone the theft and was unaware of the food’s origin and blames op* - a; *if she did not condone the theft and was unaware of the food’s origin and does not blame op* - not a but still an idiot. i do wish her a speedy recovery.
.
**housemates who side with trish**: a
edit4: i see some saying they are young and it’s not really stealing, etc. all they had to do was send a text asking for permission before going in. it’s not the stone age.
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nta. if it was the common area then yes, but they went in to your room and stole from your mini fridge. i have bad allergies. i never eat anything without finding out what’s in it first. when i go to someone’s home i specifically ask about dishes as i don’t expect them to remember my allergies.
if anything your roommates should buy you a new meal.
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nta but i would move because i doubt leftovers is the only thing your roommate has taken from your room.
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wtf they trespassed and stole from you, how could you possibly be the asshole? ask them if this means you can go into their rooms and grab whatever you want.
nta
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nta and you dont owe them shit.
also, kare kare reeks of peanuts?? i seriously dont understand how they didnt smell it. i can smell it when my neighbors cook it down the street 😅
ps- get a lock on that door asap.
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nta - i feel terrible for jilian, but they should not have been in your room consuming your food/drinks, without your permission.
be kind to jilian, but you this was not your fault and you should not have to pay for their assholery and her error.
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>"we were trying to steal your beer, but we stole your stew instead and the person with the deathly allergy decided to eat the unlabelled food with no idea of the ingredients and it's all your fault."
nta
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nta
there was a simple reason why the stew was in you mini fridge in your room: it was fucking yours. the way you describe it it seemed that you didn't intend on sharing it with anyone and that you wanted to eat it yourself. why should you label it then? besides, taking food without asking is just rude.
it may sound harsh but i would say they are more at fault than you ever could be in this scenario. if anyone should replace the epipen, it's them.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this is a throwaway because my friends have reddit and i don't want them to find this. i have a housemate (jilian 26f) who is severely allergic to peanuts. there are 5 of us who rent a house together and we all agreed to put a label in our food containers to help keep jilian safe and avoid contamination. i have a mini fridge in my room where i store my drinks so that i don't have to go to the kitchen if i want a drink in the middle of the night. well last friday my filipino girlfriend gave me an authentic filipino dish for lunch at work. it's called kare-kare, it's an ox tail stew with a rich peanut sauce. it's in a glass container, and i saved some so i can have it for dinner. when i got home i put it in my mini fridge but i forgot to eat it that night because we ordered pizza for dinner. saturday i went out with my girlfriend and got home at around 9pm. when i arrived jilian's girlfriend (trish) confronted me saying i almost killed jilian. i didn't know what she was talking about, she went on saying how irresponsible of me to not label the food in my mini fridge. i asked one of our housemates wtf happened and he said jilian had an allergic reaction to my stew because i didn't put a label on the container. i told them it's inside my personal mini fridge and how dare they enter my room. trish said they were looking for beer when they saw my stew. she and another housemate ate it, jilian only tasted it and she had an anaphylactic shock where they had to use her epipen to stop the swelling. trish then demanded that i need to pay for the epipen. i told them that is not going to happen. if anything they should apologize to me for trespassing and stealing my food. they called me an asshole. she and 3 housemates said i nearly caused jilian her life and the least i could do is apologize and pay for the epipen. aita? edit for more info: jilian was taken to the hospital. no, i never gave anyone any permission to enter my room. they were drinking that time and were looking for more beer. they ate the dish with some rice that they found on top of the mini fridge. i think jilian ate some rice that had sauce on it. i didn't get to ask the details of that exactly happened. edit/
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this is a throwaway because my friends have reddit and i don't want them to find this. i have a housemate (jilian 26f) who is severely allergic to peanuts. there are 5 of us who rent a house together and we all agreed to put a label in our food containers to help keep jilian safe and avoid contamination. i have a mini fridge in my room where i store my drinks so that i don't have to go to the kitchen if i want a drink in the middle of the night. well last friday my filipino girlfriend gave me an authentic filipino dish for lunch at work. it's called kare-kare, it's an ox tail stew with a rich peanut sauce. it's in a glass container, and i saved some so i can have it for dinner. when i got home i put it in my mini fridge but i forgot to eat it that night because we ordered pizza for dinner. saturday i went out with my girlfriend and got home at around 9pm. when i arrived jilian's girlfriend (trish) confronted me saying i almost killed jilian. i didn't know what she was talking about, she went on saying how irresponsible of me to not label the food in my mini fridge. i asked one of our housemates wtf happened and he said jilian had an allergic reaction to my stew because i didn't put a label on the container. i told them it's inside my personal mini fridge and how dare they enter my room. trish said they were looking for beer when they saw my stew. she and another housemate ate it, jilian only tasted it and she had an anaphylactic shock where they had to use her epipen to stop the swelling. trish then demanded that i need to pay for the epipen. i told them that is not going to happen. if anything they should apologize to me for trespassing and stealing my food. they called me an asshole. she and 3 housemates said i nearly caused jilian her life and the least i could do is apologize and pay for the epipen. aita? edit for more info: jilian was taken to the hospital. no, i never gave anyone any permission to enter my room. they were drinking that time and were looking for more beer. they ate the dish with some rice that they found on top of the mini fridge. i think jilian ate some rice that had sauce on it. i didn't get to ask the details of that exactly happened. edit/ [/INST] nta literally none of this would have happened if they had not invaded your space, without your permission, taken food that did not belong to them, and eaten said food. perhaps this can be a lesson to them in the future, to not enter a space they don't have permission to enter, and to not eat food that they do not have permission to eat. eta holy guacamole, thank you everyone 💖 </s>
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AITA to ask my friend (single mother) to do a paternity test on her son because I had suspicions my husband is the father?
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messy but i’ll make this as short as possible.
so one of my best friends had a kid 3 years ago. she said it was a one night stand and later the guy expressed no interest in being a dad so she raised her son herself. no one has ever seen this guy, not even me.
the issue is this: this kid looks extremely like my husband like to an insane degree. the hair color, eyes, face everything. he’s even been out with my friend and her son and people have mistaken him to be the dad before. needless to say for three years now i’ve had my suspicions but i haven’t said anything. my husband is also close to my friend and the timeline works out. we were all living almost in the same neighborhood around the time she got pregnant.
over the past year it’s really eaten at me. i see the resemblance growing more and more. it doesn’t help that my friend refuses to show me a picture of her son’s biological father no matter how much i asked. it kept spiraling until i had a meltdown and confronted both of them, saying that i will pack up and leave if i don’t see a paternity test.
long story short, my friend got a paternity test but said our friendship is over. the test says my husband isn’t the father. i feel so ashamed to lose my friend but i thought my husband would slightly understand since even he sees the obvious resemblance between him and this kid. but he has moved out for the time being and i’m worried this is the end of our marriage.
aita for insisting on that test? i honestly felt like i had no other choice. the resemblance was unavoidable and it was eating at me so much that no amount of therapy could help. i thought my husband would understand my fears most of all given my history with past cheating exes. did i fuck up and how badly?
| 6,815 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i3k9k3/aita_to_ask_my_friend_single_mother_to_do_a/
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2020-08-04 14:27:00
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yta
> i thought my husband would slightly understand since even he sees the obvious resemblance between him and this kid
wait so you thought your supposedly cheating husband would just casually comment on his love-child like “oh gee honey doesn’t he look just like me” to his already paranoid wife?
why the fuck would he do that if he was actually guilty? why the fuck would either of them indulge you if they actually cheated?
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huh. it'd be nice if we could just believe people who swear they weren't cheating... but that's just what cheaters would do, so we can't. i don't even know where to begin judging this one.
how would that even go?
"babe, i know this is stupid, but the kid looks a lot like you, and i just can't get this idea out of my head. what should i do?"
*faithful spouse's response:*
"i have always been faithful to you. i hate to say it, but this sounds like your past experiences with cheating exes is messing with your head. if you pursue this, it's going to ruin your friendship and strain our marriage. please listen to me and figure out a way to get over it."
*cheating spouse's response:*
"i have always been faithful to you. i hate to say it, but this sounds like your past experiences with cheating exes is messing with your head. if you pursue this, it's going to ruin your friendship and strain our marriage. please listen to me and figure out a way to get over it."
if you suspect cheating but can't prove it, what are you supposed to do? the only two options i can think of are "burn it all down, right or wrong", and "just let it go, right or wrong".
once you start trying to prove it, accusing people of cheating and asking for evidence, etc., those friendships are pretty much trashed either way. if you're right, they're goddamn cheaters and that's the end of the friendship. if you're wrong, congratulations! you've accused your friend of betraying you, and that's the end of the friendship.
so i think you have to ask yourself, what's more important to you? losing your friends but knowing for sure? or keeping your friends and living with the doubt?
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i incline towards yta, but would ask for more info. the situation is both sad and very confusing. i get that this child looked like your husband, but it is one hell of a leap to assuming unfaithfulness from him and betrayal from a close friend.
my question, i guess, is did you have any reason to suspect him? specifically, has he previously been unfaithful or given you solid reason to distrust him? if the answer is no, then yta, i'm afraid.
but it is a really sad situation. i recognise that you've lost a friend and now face the difficult challenge of reconciling with your husband. you might need outside support (e.g. couples counselling) to help with that.
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yta.
you need to get therapy, op. regardless of whether or not your marriage survives--and if i were your spouse, i don't think it would--this is obviously a pretty serious problem.
>i thought my husband would slightly understand
you accused him of 1. having so little respect for your marriage that he'd run around, and 2. having so little loyalty to his own flesh and blood that he'd be a deadbeat dad. seriously? i don't think i'd want to be around you again, if you insulted me so terribly.
and then the fact that you "had a meltdown and confronted" him? instead of approaching it calmly, saying that you know you have a problem and you're not sure how to work it out?
>i felt like i had no other choice
every time, *every time* that you feel like that, question it.
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going against the grain to give a nah. this thread is classic case of [outcome bias](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/outcome_bias). a judgment of op's decisions should only depend on the information that was available to op when those decisions were made. so, the outcome of the paternity test should not affect judgment, yet i guarantee all of these y-t-as would be n-t-as if the test came back positive.
it's too bad that you couldn't move past this. in hindsight it was just your paranoia, but hindsight is 20:20. go to any reddit thread about suspected cheated and you'll find hundreds of comments telling you to trust your gut feelings and find the truth. well, that's what you did, and now reddit crucifies you for it. typical.
you made a decision that would ease your suspicions while ending your relationships (no matter the outcome). it's a tough trade, and now it's time to face the consequences of it. but, hopefully, it is better than being driven to wit's end by uncertainty.
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yta. so just because your husband bears a passing resemblance to your friends son you have destroyed both your marriage and a good friendship?
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yta
>it kept spiraling until i had a meltdown and confronted both of them, saying that i will pack up and leave if i don’t see a paternity test.
that was unnecessarily over the top.
>it was eating at me so much that no amount of therapy could help
did you even try?
>i thought my husband would understand my fears most of all given my history with past cheating exes
punishing your current partner for past partners mistakes is not okay. of course he doesn't understand. you just told him that he's no better than those losers.
you owe them both a *huge* apology for thinking so little of their character, and you need to seek help for your paranoia.
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info did you have any reason to believe either of them would have gotten together? you basically accused your husband of cheating and your friend of sleeping with him so of course theyre both upset.
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weird situation, but i am going to go with yta.
you let your insecurities get the better of you to an insane degree and, instead of talking it over in a normal (albeit wildly uncomfortable) conversation, you waited till you went crazy and threatened to leave them all if they didnt do exactly what you wanted.
you cant really blame them for leaving you after that. what is the next thing youre going to get this insecure about?
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yta
so you forced your friend to pay for a paternity test for their child.
did you ever outright ask if your friend had sex with your husband?
did you ever ask your husband?
sounds like you were looking for trouble.
why did you think your husband would understand???? hey, this kid looks like you so obviously you cheated on me. you want him to forgive you? i wouldn't.
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.041117 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: messy but i’ll make this as short as possible. so one of my best friends had a kid 3 years ago. she said it was a one night stand and later the guy expressed no interest in being a dad so she raised her son herself. no one has ever seen this guy, not even me. the issue is this: this kid looks extremely like my husband like to an insane degree. the hair color, eyes, face everything. he’s even been out with my friend and her son and people have mistaken him to be the dad before. needless to say for three years now i’ve had my suspicions but i haven’t said anything. my husband is also close to my friend and the timeline works out. we were all living almost in the same neighborhood around the time she got pregnant. over the past year it’s really eaten at me. i see the resemblance growing more and more. it doesn’t help that my friend refuses to show me a picture of her son’s biological father no matter how much i asked. it kept spiraling until i had a meltdown and confronted both of them, saying that i will pack up and leave if i don’t see a paternity test. long story short, my friend got a paternity test but said our friendship is over. the test says my husband isn’t the father. i feel so ashamed to lose my friend but i thought my husband would slightly understand since even he sees the obvious resemblance between him and this kid. but he has moved out for the time being and i’m worried this is the end of our marriage. aita for insisting on that test? i honestly felt like i had no other choice. the resemblance was unavoidable and it was eating at me so much that no amount of therapy could help. i thought my husband would understand my fears most of all given my history with past cheating exes. did i fuck up and how badly?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
messy but i’ll make this as short as possible. so one of my best friends had a kid 3 years ago. she said it was a one night stand and later the guy expressed no interest in being a dad so she raised her son herself. no one has ever seen this guy, not even me. the issue is this: this kid looks extremely like my husband like to an insane degree. the hair color, eyes, face everything. he’s even been out with my friend and her son and people have mistaken him to be the dad before. needless to say for three years now i’ve had my suspicions but i haven’t said anything. my husband is also close to my friend and the timeline works out. we were all living almost in the same neighborhood around the time she got pregnant. over the past year it’s really eaten at me. i see the resemblance growing more and more. it doesn’t help that my friend refuses to show me a picture of her son’s biological father no matter how much i asked. it kept spiraling until i had a meltdown and confronted both of them, saying that i will pack up and leave if i don’t see a paternity test. long story short, my friend got a paternity test but said our friendship is over. the test says my husband isn’t the father. i feel so ashamed to lose my friend but i thought my husband would slightly understand since even he sees the obvious resemblance between him and this kid. but he has moved out for the time being and i’m worried this is the end of our marriage. aita for insisting on that test? i honestly felt like i had no other choice. the resemblance was unavoidable and it was eating at me so much that no amount of therapy could help. i thought my husband would understand my fears most of all given my history with past cheating exes. did i fuck up and how badly? [/INST] yta > i thought my husband would slightly understand since even he sees the obvious resemblance between him and this kid wait so you thought your supposedly cheating husband would just casually comment on his love-child like “oh gee honey doesn’t he look just like me” to his already paranoid wife? why the fuck would he do that if he was actually guilty? why the fuck would either of them indulge you if they actually cheated? </s>
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AITA for telling my son to grow up?
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i have three sons - 7, 9 and 15. last night i needed to do a target run and asked my 15yo if he wanted to go. i could use an extra set of hands plus it would be an opportunity to have daddy time. he said no so i went with my youngest two.
towards the end of the shopping trip, i went to see what they had at the clearance section. they had some small lego packages that were 50% off and my sons asked if they could get one. i agreed and then we got ice cream before we left.
when we got home my 15yo asked why i didn't ask him if he wanted anything from the clearance section or get him an ice cream. i told him because he didn't want to go to with us plus i made them scan, bag and load everything into the car.
he said that wasn't fair and i said he's 15yo bitching over a $5 lego set and a cup of ben and jerry's ice cream so he really should grow up.
| 3,640 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u9azxx/aita_for_telling_my_son_to_grow_up/
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2022-04-22 09:59:00
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yta for not being able to have a normal discussion with your teenage son without resulting to insults. how can you tell him to grow up when you sound as immature as him? you don’t have to buy him anything but answer like a mature adult if you expect the same of him.
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yta.
your principle was sound.
your delivery was shit.
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this is such a nothing sandwich. maybe just work on your relationship with your kid? like do something together that isn’t chores
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yta.
you'd have been n t a if you had simply said "that was a reward for coming and helping - maybe next time!".
saying grow up makes you ta.
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i think it's fine that you didn't get him the legos or ice cream because that was a result of your younger sons going with you and helping you. he decided to not do that, so he doesn't get the reward.
i don't think the way you talked to him was necessary. it sounds like he was just complaining, it's not like he had a crazy temper tantrum. you could have just said "it is fair, was a reward for helping me. you got to stay home, they got legos and ice cream" and just made that be the end of it
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yta…..you told him to grow up yet you referred to him in your post, that spending time with you as “daddy time?”
also, nothing wrong with a 15 year old wanting legos and an ice cream.
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esh.
you - for your language. no need to tell a kid to “stop bitching” and “grow up”. there are better ways of speaking to him rather than modelling being an ah parent. eg just say “younger kids came shopping and got rewarded for helping. you didn’t come. you didn’t get a reward.”
your son - for his (agreed) somewhat childish entitled an immature attitude. but this is more on you as parents tbh. sounds like he’s learned to speak to you the way you speak to him
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yta. if you speak to your teenager as if you are a teenager, on what planet do you have a leg to stand on when you tell him to grow up?
'i said he's 15yo bitching over a $5 lego set and a cup of ben and jerry's ice cream'
like...how does that command any kind of respect?
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yta for the way you responded. instead of acting like an adult and explaining things you were just immature and resorted to childish insults.
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yta
lego and ice can be seen as pay/reward for the help if it was clear beforehand that they would be rewarded/paid for helping, your older child shouldn’t expect to get something for doing nothing. and it is fair that he didn’t get anything.
if the rewards are not normally given than it could be a little unfair as he didn’t know what he denied. (same would be your child misbehaves and you tell them you wanted to gift them xy for their birthday but because they misbehaved they won’t get it. the child had no possibility to adapt their behavior beforehand because they didn’t know what was at risk)
you don’t need to insult your child to get your point across. simply telling him these were rewards/pay for help would have been enough. if he still felt treated unfairly you could ask why and explain not insult.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.000646 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have three sons - 7, 9 and 15. last night i needed to do a target run and asked my 15yo if he wanted to go. i could use an extra set of hands plus it would be an opportunity to have daddy time. he said no so i went with my youngest two. towards the end of the shopping trip, i went to see what they had at the clearance section. they had some small lego packages that were 50% off and my sons asked if they could get one. i agreed and then we got ice cream before we left. when we got home my 15yo asked why i didn't ask him if he wanted anything from the clearance section or get him an ice cream. i told him because he didn't want to go to with us plus i made them scan, bag and load everything into the car. he said that wasn't fair and i said he's 15yo bitching over a $5 lego set and a cup of ben and jerry's ice cream so he really should grow up.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have three sons - 7, 9 and 15. last night i needed to do a target run and asked my 15yo if he wanted to go. i could use an extra set of hands plus it would be an opportunity to have daddy time. he said no so i went with my youngest two. towards the end of the shopping trip, i went to see what they had at the clearance section. they had some small lego packages that were 50% off and my sons asked if they could get one. i agreed and then we got ice cream before we left. when we got home my 15yo asked why i didn't ask him if he wanted anything from the clearance section or get him an ice cream. i told him because he didn't want to go to with us plus i made them scan, bag and load everything into the car. he said that wasn't fair and i said he's 15yo bitching over a $5 lego set and a cup of ben and jerry's ice cream so he really should grow up. [/INST] yta for not being able to have a normal discussion with your teenage son without resulting to insults. how can you tell him to grow up when you sound as immature as him? you don’t have to buy him anything but answer like a mature adult if you expect the same of him. </s>
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WIBTA for exposing my late wife to my sons?
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please bear with me while i try to gather my thoughts and explain just what’s going on. i (m40)was married to my wife (f38) for 18 years. we had what i thought was a perfect relationship, we barely fought, got along great, and she was my best friend. we had two sons together, j who is 14 and m who is 16.
my wife passed extremely unexpectedly a month ago and it absolutely shattered our world. i feel so alone and have even started going to counseling to help with getting over her.
here is the hard part. two nights ago i decided to go through my wife’s cell phone to read our text messages and look at some photos she had taken i never got sent. that’s when i found the messages after i decided to look through her browser history.
messages to men in their 60’s sending dirty photos she had sent me. nights she told me she was visiting her sister, she was actually out with these men doing god knows what for money. i don’t want to get into to much detail with how filthy some of they were, but i cannot believe she could have done this to me. i suspected nothing. ever.
my sons are obviously still crushed and always talking up their mother and how sweet, amazing she is. how much they miss her love and honesty. i cannot see her as the woman i thought i knew and i am torn on what to do. on one hand, i don’t want to make this passing harder for them and hinder their thoughts about their mother but on another hand i feel they are old enough to know the truth.
wibta if i exposed my late wife to my sons and told them what she was really doing to our family? please help me.
| 14,436 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dflphm/wibta_for_exposing_my_late_wife_to_my_sons/
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2019-10-09 19:05:09
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yta. they just lost their mother. i'm sorry she wasn't who you thought she was, but she was still their mom. they don't need to ever know.
please go to counseling, for yourself and as a family. this must be a giant shock for your system.
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yta (ywbta)
don't do this. your kids are 14 & 16, they are *not* old enough to hear this.
i'm sorry for your families loss, and sorry about her betrayal, but destroying the image your children have of her isn't going to change anything.
please find a counselor to talk to.
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yta. this is way above our pay-grade here. i really think you need to take this to your therapist to talk through your feelings and help you process all of this. honestly i would probably wait until they were older. let them mourn the mother they knew and loved. despite her horrible philandering it does seem like she was a loving, caring mother to them. i feel like dropping this information on them, a month after her unexpected passing, will just crush them more and possibly cause some resentment towards you as the bearer of this insane news. your wife is gone. you can't get revenge on her by exposing her sins to your kids.
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yta.
don't fucking do that to them, it'll crush them even worse. let them remember her as a saint.
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ywbta. i understand that this is quite painful and shocking. what would your reason be? for your children to share in your misery? parents protect their children from that, if at all possible. was she a good mother? if the answer is yes, then ywbta if you ever told them, unless, as well adjusted adults, a situation arose that this experience that’s yours would help them to learn and grow. first, you have to grieve, and forgive.
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you need to see a professional for this. we’re just a bunch of basement dwellers and this type of thing is something you should speak to a therapist about or something
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nah. you're feeling understandably hurt, betrayed and pissed, on top of having to grieve. your reactions are understandable. but in terms of whether to tell your sons or not, think of it this way: if you had the opportunity to completely forget what you learned and be sure you'd never find out again, would you take it? you have the chance to offer that to your sons. it sucks, it really sucks, but this is one of those times where you're going to have to keep it to yourself. except for a counselor, 100% echoing the advice of others there.
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what good could possibly come of stomping on the grave of your kids’ dead mother? nothing she did affected them, just you. why piss on the memory of their mother? let them remember her as they knew her, don’t drag them down even further. it serves no purpose.
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nta. nobody is asshole for telling the truth, and it kind of disturbs me that so many people would rather live in ignorance than try and learn from reality.
but they are right about holding off until your kids are old enough to process that information. and also that will give you more time to process your own thoughts about what happened.
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you must be in a lot of pain and not thinking clearly to think this is even an option. please talk to a therapist to help you get to a better place, and do not — please do not — say a word to the children. hurting them solves nothing and will cause huge problems for them.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
NAH
| null |
NTA
| null | 0.200446 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: please bear with me while i try to gather my thoughts and explain just what’s going on. i (m40)was married to my wife (f38) for 18 years. we had what i thought was a perfect relationship, we barely fought, got along great, and she was my best friend. we had two sons together, j who is 14 and m who is 16. my wife passed extremely unexpectedly a month ago and it absolutely shattered our world. i feel so alone and have even started going to counseling to help with getting over her. here is the hard part. two nights ago i decided to go through my wife’s cell phone to read our text messages and look at some photos she had taken i never got sent. that’s when i found the messages after i decided to look through her browser history. messages to men in their 60’s sending dirty photos she had sent me. nights she told me she was visiting her sister, she was actually out with these men doing god knows what for money. i don’t want to get into to much detail with how filthy some of they were, but i cannot believe she could have done this to me. i suspected nothing. ever. my sons are obviously still crushed and always talking up their mother and how sweet, amazing she is. how much they miss her love and honesty. i cannot see her as the woman i thought i knew and i am torn on what to do. on one hand, i don’t want to make this passing harder for them and hinder their thoughts about their mother but on another hand i feel they are old enough to know the truth. wibta if i exposed my late wife to my sons and told them what she was really doing to our family? please help me.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
please bear with me while i try to gather my thoughts and explain just what’s going on. i (m40)was married to my wife (f38) for 18 years. we had what i thought was a perfect relationship, we barely fought, got along great, and she was my best friend. we had two sons together, j who is 14 and m who is 16. my wife passed extremely unexpectedly a month ago and it absolutely shattered our world. i feel so alone and have even started going to counseling to help with getting over her. here is the hard part. two nights ago i decided to go through my wife’s cell phone to read our text messages and look at some photos she had taken i never got sent. that’s when i found the messages after i decided to look through her browser history. messages to men in their 60’s sending dirty photos she had sent me. nights she told me she was visiting her sister, she was actually out with these men doing god knows what for money. i don’t want to get into to much detail with how filthy some of they were, but i cannot believe she could have done this to me. i suspected nothing. ever. my sons are obviously still crushed and always talking up their mother and how sweet, amazing she is. how much they miss her love and honesty. i cannot see her as the woman i thought i knew and i am torn on what to do. on one hand, i don’t want to make this passing harder for them and hinder their thoughts about their mother but on another hand i feel they are old enough to know the truth. wibta if i exposed my late wife to my sons and told them what she was really doing to our family? please help me. [/INST] yta. they just lost their mother. i'm sorry she wasn't who you thought she was, but she was still their mom. they don't need to ever know. please go to counseling, for yourself and as a family. this must be a giant shock for your system. </s>
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AITA for talking frankly about my abortion, when my coworker was making some wild generalizations about what abortions are like?
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i was in the break room at work and my coworker arthur who tends to talk a lot about politics... got to talking about politics.
it was me, my coworker john who i'm good friends with, adam who i don't know too well, and arthur in the room. i was kinda sitting back from the discussion because i wanted to chill and eat lunch.
but it kind of annoyed me that arthur was making comments about women getting abortions without knowing what they're getting into, making impulse decisions because they're scared of parenthood. as if this is a big thing that happens often.
i spoke up and said i didn't think it was like that; our state has mandatory counseling and meetings to make sure the person is giving informed consent. and i didn't think anyone was going about it willy nilly without knowing what they were doing.
he got kind of blustery, saying "how do you know that they don't just rush you through that, tick a few boxes?"
i said that when i'd had mine, i had a very practical and informative counseling session that gave me a lot of information on my options, what i'd expect from the procedure, what my specific risks of continuing with a pregnancy would be, due to a medical condition of mine. and i didn't feel at all like i was doing something i didn't understand.
it was really awkwardly silent for a bit. arthur told me that wasn't appropriate for me to have said at work, and it's something i ought to keep quieter. i bit back the childish urge to comment that he started it.
later, john, my friend from work said he thought it was funny, how i threw arthur's assumptions in his face, but he thinks i ought to be a little more careful because arthur is probably gonna think differently of me now.
i don't feel ashamed to talk about it, but i do see how it was a lot to say at work...
aita for talking frankly about my abortion?
| 22,073 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/epa98w/aita_for_talking_frankly_about_my_abortion_when/
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2020-01-15 23:13:19
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nta. if he doesn’t want people to talk about abortion at work he should not bring up abortion at work. it’s a medical procedure.
what arthur wanted was an echo-chamber.
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nta. they didn’t have a problem discussing abortion at work when they felt like experts. then they get called out as wrong and suddenly it’s inappropriate? fragile egos.
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nta. since your coworker brought up abortions at work he did, in fact, start it. if he can talk about them in detail, then it seems equally applicable for you to talk about your own experience. he was essentially asking for it. if he has a problem with it or brings it to hr, at least your other coworker was present for the entire discussion and can show his own part in bringing up the “inappropriate” topic.
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nta
and while the word "mansplaining" gets tossed around a lot, perhaps it is appropriate in this case.
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nta. arthur got embarrassed when he realised he couldn’t reasonably argue against you, but he made that bed himself. on some level you overshared, but i think you were completely validated to shut down his bullshit.
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nta ignorance comes from a lack of understanding and lack of information. people being open about what abortions are like helps dispelling misinformation and ignorance
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nta. too bad for arthur if he thinks it is fine to talk about abortions generally but not for a specific person to talk about having one.
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when i lived in west virginia as a 23 year old single girl, i lived in a neighborhood with a bunch of hard-core republican men with whom i’d politely shoot the shit // smoke weed & occasionally good-humoredly pick at their beliefs and vice versa. one day i shut down a man in feverish debate with me about how women who abort are cold blooded murderers who deserve to die by sticking my hand out to re-introduce myself as a murderer. the look on his face was priceless. i then went on to tell him about the woman who was in recovery next to me, and how she & her husband wanted child desperately but she would die if she carried to term because of a spinal injury from a car crash. he told me honestly that i had changed his view with that comment and that he had “to do some thinking”. the unflappably cool feeling that outcome gave me carries me confidently into uncomfortable interactions even years later.
nta
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was in the break room at work and my coworker arthur who tends to talk a lot about politics... got to talking about politics. it was me, my coworker john who i'm good friends with, adam who i don't know too well, and arthur in the room. i was kinda sitting back from the discussion because i wanted to chill and eat lunch. but it kind of annoyed me that arthur was making comments about women getting abortions without knowing what they're getting into, making impulse decisions because they're scared of parenthood. as if this is a big thing that happens often. i spoke up and said i didn't think it was like that; our state has mandatory counseling and meetings to make sure the person is giving informed consent. and i didn't think anyone was going about it willy nilly without knowing what they were doing. he got kind of blustery, saying "how do you know that they don't just rush you through that, tick a few boxes?" i said that when i'd had mine, i had a very practical and informative counseling session that gave me a lot of information on my options, what i'd expect from the procedure, what my specific risks of continuing with a pregnancy would be, due to a medical condition of mine. and i didn't feel at all like i was doing something i didn't understand. it was really awkwardly silent for a bit. arthur told me that wasn't appropriate for me to have said at work, and it's something i ought to keep quieter. i bit back the childish urge to comment that he started it. later, john, my friend from work said he thought it was funny, how i threw arthur's assumptions in his face, but he thinks i ought to be a little more careful because arthur is probably gonna think differently of me now. i don't feel ashamed to talk about it, but i do see how it was a lot to say at work... aita for talking frankly about my abortion?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i was in the break room at work and my coworker arthur who tends to talk a lot about politics... got to talking about politics. it was me, my coworker john who i'm good friends with, adam who i don't know too well, and arthur in the room. i was kinda sitting back from the discussion because i wanted to chill and eat lunch. but it kind of annoyed me that arthur was making comments about women getting abortions without knowing what they're getting into, making impulse decisions because they're scared of parenthood. as if this is a big thing that happens often. i spoke up and said i didn't think it was like that; our state has mandatory counseling and meetings to make sure the person is giving informed consent. and i didn't think anyone was going about it willy nilly without knowing what they were doing. he got kind of blustery, saying "how do you know that they don't just rush you through that, tick a few boxes?" i said that when i'd had mine, i had a very practical and informative counseling session that gave me a lot of information on my options, what i'd expect from the procedure, what my specific risks of continuing with a pregnancy would be, due to a medical condition of mine. and i didn't feel at all like i was doing something i didn't understand. it was really awkwardly silent for a bit. arthur told me that wasn't appropriate for me to have said at work, and it's something i ought to keep quieter. i bit back the childish urge to comment that he started it. later, john, my friend from work said he thought it was funny, how i threw arthur's assumptions in his face, but he thinks i ought to be a little more careful because arthur is probably gonna think differently of me now. i don't feel ashamed to talk about it, but i do see how it was a lot to say at work... aita for talking frankly about my abortion? [/INST] nta. if he doesn’t want people to talk about abortion at work he should not bring up abortion at work. it’s a medical procedure. what arthur wanted was an echo-chamber. </s>
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AITA for being topless at home?
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i have a son (4 months old), i'm breastfeeding, he's forever spitting up on me, and we're trying to give as much skin to skin contact as possible. because of this, i've pretty much stopped wearing clothes at home. i'll wear them when i go out, obviously, but in the privacy of mine and my boyfriend's flat i just go bare chested. my in laws were meant to come by around 6pm, and instead came by over an hour early and let themselves in with the spare key. i was sleeping on the sofa with my son on my chest, they got an eyeful. i woke up to them yelling at me to put a shirt on and asking why i didn't do that sooner if i knew they'd be over today. i maintain that they were a full hour early and why on earth would they just let themselves in when i didn't answer the door. my boyfriend wants me to apologise, i refuse. who's the arsehole here?
| 24,453 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ewudks/aita_for_being_topless_at_home/
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2020-01-31 20:27:11
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nta. first off, they shouldn't have let themselves in. second, it's your damn house. you're free to do what you want.
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nta it's unspeakably rude to just let yourself into someone else's home. it's just as rude to be an hour early without any kind of warning. so, they're assholes even before getting to the bullshit of what you wear or don't wear in the privacy of your own home, and their opinions about that.
also, special shoutout to your partner for not having your back in all this- he's an asshole too for that. basically, you and the baby are the only people here who aren't assholes and are owed big apologies.
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nta. spare keys are for emergencies not so you can walk in at any moment. they still need to knock.
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nta....your husband is insane if he expects you to apologize to his parents after they violated your privacy by letting themselves into your home an hour before they said they would be there. they were also super duper rude to stay, wake you, and demand that you put clothes on for thier comfort. its your home. you have an absolute right to be naked in your own home especially when you are breastfeeding a newborn infant. what is wrong with your husband and his family?
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nta.
you could have even left out all the (legitimate) justification for being topless.
anyone who shows up an hour early and lets themselves in without knocking loses any right to complain about the “decency” of what they find in the other side of the door.
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we're all missing the important question here how was the nap?
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lol when i was breastfeeding my daughter my dear sweet idiot husband forgot to tell me that my fil was coming over. he walked in and i got spooked and took my daughter off my breast, meaning that my fil walked into my home tits out milk streaming. know what he did? turned around and walked upstairs. and we have never spoken about it because he is a good and decent man. op, your il's are complete assholes. nta
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nta - they're fuckin' idiots if they think it's fine to just wander into people's houses and then complain when they aren't dressed.
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absolutely nta for feeding your baby in your home. how dare they let themselves in and then complain that your boobs were visible in readiness for what nature intended! don’t you dare apologise- it is they that should apologise to you!
on a separate note, and no criticism intended; i know how difficult it is to stay awake, but please don’t fall asleep with your baby on your chest, it’s such a huge risk factor for sids. please have a look at the lullaby trust website for safer sleep advice 💕
https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/
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you have the right to be naked in your home - and surely everyone knows the risks of walking through a door without being invited!
nta.
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a son (4 months old), i'm breastfeeding, he's forever spitting up on me, and we're trying to give as much skin to skin contact as possible. because of this, i've pretty much stopped wearing clothes at home. i'll wear them when i go out, obviously, but in the privacy of mine and my boyfriend's flat i just go bare chested. my in laws were meant to come by around 6pm, and instead came by over an hour early and let themselves in with the spare key. i was sleeping on the sofa with my son on my chest, they got an eyeful. i woke up to them yelling at me to put a shirt on and asking why i didn't do that sooner if i knew they'd be over today. i maintain that they were a full hour early and why on earth would they just let themselves in when i didn't answer the door. my boyfriend wants me to apologise, i refuse. who's the arsehole here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have a son (4 months old), i'm breastfeeding, he's forever spitting up on me, and we're trying to give as much skin to skin contact as possible. because of this, i've pretty much stopped wearing clothes at home. i'll wear them when i go out, obviously, but in the privacy of mine and my boyfriend's flat i just go bare chested. my in laws were meant to come by around 6pm, and instead came by over an hour early and let themselves in with the spare key. i was sleeping on the sofa with my son on my chest, they got an eyeful. i woke up to them yelling at me to put a shirt on and asking why i didn't do that sooner if i knew they'd be over today. i maintain that they were a full hour early and why on earth would they just let themselves in when i didn't answer the door. my boyfriend wants me to apologise, i refuse. who's the arsehole here? [/INST] nta. first off, they shouldn't have let themselves in. second, it's your damn house. you're free to do what you want. </s>
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AITA for arguing with my husband for the picture he had for my contact photo on his phone?
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《throwaway》.
my husband bought a new phone last week. before that he used to have one of those old phones that didn't have many features. i was happy for him and helped him learn how to use some features he's never seen before.
yesterday morning. i couldn't find my phone before i went to work.i woke him up to ask him to call me so i could find it but he handed me his phone and told me to do it myself. i took his phone, opened the call log and searched for my contact number. i saw that he had a picture of me (my face) for my contact photo. i was mad i woke him up again to ask why he did it. he said it was normal and he did it with his family and friends even. i told him i didn't give him permission and he should've asked if i was comfortable with having my picture there. he said i have a ton of pictures of him in my phone but i keep them in a hidden app so no one sees them and this way, i'm protecting his privacy. besides, that i got his permission for every single picture before saving them. i demanded he remove it but he fought back and said i'm being bossy and controlling. i told him my face was in there, he again said it wasn't a huge deal and that i should chill. i snapped and said i wasn't going to let him convince me to be okay with my privacy being violated. he said "gtfo it's not like i put nudes in there" but still. we fought some more and he removed the picture then kept pouting and venting about how i keep trying to dictate how he lives and what he does and said it's become too much.
info. i live in an area far from home and i don't know anyone here yet and i was worried if he loses his phone, my info will be linked to my photo.
| 9,771 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u8987o/aita_for_arguing_with_my_husband_for_the_picture/
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2022-04-20 23:13:06
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yta. unless you go through society with a veil on, people are going to see your face, so the privacy argument seems far-fetched. what is the problem?
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yta. i just read that twice and i don’t…understand what exactly you’re mad about
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besides clearly yta. i like how you tried to slip
in that you “searched through his call logs to find your number”. nice try. why wouldn’t you just go to contacts? my guess is you went in searching for something to get mad at him about, when you didn’t find anything, you decided to fight about your photo because you’re so mental you were desperate to shit on him for something.
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info: are you in witness protection and/or on the run from the feds?
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yta and i am so baffled by why you’re angry that i can’t give you feedback beyond that. i mean… really?
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is this a joke? you think your husband keeping pictures of you violates your privacy?
yta
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yta. i believe he can put an emoji as your contact picture. maybe one like this 💩💩💩
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>> i have a ton of pictures of him in my phone but i *keep them in a hidden app so no one sees them*
so, who are you hiding your husband from? this sounds beyond sketch.
yta. your overreaction to him having your *face as your contact photo* in your phone is way over the top and, to be honest, suspicious.
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yta - he’s not allowed to have photos of you??? he needs permission to have photos of his wife??? to set your picture, something only he (or those he allows access to his phone) will see??? you only keep photos of him in a private app???
you are definitely the ah, and a very paranoid one. do you have some deeper issues going on? this isn’t normal behavior, and it might be beneficial for you to talk about this with a professional. this *is* controlling behavior, and if it stems from a place of paranoia, it’s best for you to do all you can to work on it.
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: 《throwaway》. my husband bought a new phone last week. before that he used to have one of those old phones that didn't have many features. i was happy for him and helped him learn how to use some features he's never seen before. yesterday morning. i couldn't find my phone before i went to work.i woke him up to ask him to call me so i could find it but he handed me his phone and told me to do it myself. i took his phone, opened the call log and searched for my contact number. i saw that he had a picture of me (my face) for my contact photo. i was mad i woke him up again to ask why he did it. he said it was normal and he did it with his family and friends even. i told him i didn't give him permission and he should've asked if i was comfortable with having my picture there. he said i have a ton of pictures of him in my phone but i keep them in a hidden app so no one sees them and this way, i'm protecting his privacy. besides, that i got his permission for every single picture before saving them. i demanded he remove it but he fought back and said i'm being bossy and controlling. i told him my face was in there, he again said it wasn't a huge deal and that i should chill. i snapped and said i wasn't going to let him convince me to be okay with my privacy being violated. he said "gtfo it's not like i put nudes in there" but still. we fought some more and he removed the picture then kept pouting and venting about how i keep trying to dictate how he lives and what he does and said it's become too much. info. i live in an area far from home and i don't know anyone here yet and i was worried if he loses his phone, my info will be linked to my photo.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
《throwaway》. my husband bought a new phone last week. before that he used to have one of those old phones that didn't have many features. i was happy for him and helped him learn how to use some features he's never seen before. yesterday morning. i couldn't find my phone before i went to work.i woke him up to ask him to call me so i could find it but he handed me his phone and told me to do it myself. i took his phone, opened the call log and searched for my contact number. i saw that he had a picture of me (my face) for my contact photo. i was mad i woke him up again to ask why he did it. he said it was normal and he did it with his family and friends even. i told him i didn't give him permission and he should've asked if i was comfortable with having my picture there. he said i have a ton of pictures of him in my phone but i keep them in a hidden app so no one sees them and this way, i'm protecting his privacy. besides, that i got his permission for every single picture before saving them. i demanded he remove it but he fought back and said i'm being bossy and controlling. i told him my face was in there, he again said it wasn't a huge deal and that i should chill. i snapped and said i wasn't going to let him convince me to be okay with my privacy being violated. he said "gtfo it's not like i put nudes in there" but still. we fought some more and he removed the picture then kept pouting and venting about how i keep trying to dictate how he lives and what he does and said it's become too much. info. i live in an area far from home and i don't know anyone here yet and i was worried if he loses his phone, my info will be linked to my photo. [/INST] yta. unless you go through society with a veil on, people are going to see your face, so the privacy argument seems far-fetched. what is the problem? </s>
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AITA for calling a woman an idiot when she refused listen to why my daughter isn't vaccinated?
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my (20f) 2yo daughter has had a heart transplant due to chd and is severely immune compromised, as a result she cannot recieve live virus vaccines.
i'm in a young mom's group on facebook and the topic of daycares and being a sahm came up. i said my boyfriend is the breadwinner and i stay at home with our daughter because i can't risk sending her to a daycare as she's not vaccinated.
one woman, who is the same age as me with a newborn, started off, she's a new member, all the other women already know of my daughters medical history. she started calling me names and said i don't belong here if i'm so anti-vax. i told her my daughter is a transplant patient and can't be vaccinated. she just told me stop making excuses.
i said, "you're an absolute idiot, if you even looked at my profile for a second you'd know that i'm an advocate for vaccines and if you did a bit of research you'd know that giving someone who is severely compromised a live virus vaccine is a bad idea."
she was clearly very upset, she posted a rant about me onto the group and a few of the members said i was an asshole for calling her an idiot.aita?
| 25,294 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lj2pxa/aita_for_calling_a_woman_an_idiot_when_she/
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2021-02-13 15:38:19
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nta.
it’s clear to anyone who knows anything about vacccines and how they work. the whole goal of vaccines is to develop herd immunity so that people like your daughter who can’t get vaccines are safer. it’s not just for the general population, but also for people like your daughter. she was completely out of control from the very beginning.
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absolutely nta. i advocate vaccination myself, but there are valid reasons (supported by modern, mainstream medical science) why *specific* people in/with *specific* situations may not be able to take x vaccine(s).
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nta i am extremely pro-vaccine, but i haven't been vaccinated myself due to serious medical conditions. this is literally what herd immunity is for - to protect people like me and your daughter.
thankfully, my kids are all vaccinated and don't have the same conditions i do.
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nta. one of my friends has a daughter who, while she can get live vaccines, does not retain the titters (i’m not sure that’s the correct medical language). anyway, end result is that a few months after she receives a vaccine, it’s like she never got it at all. so, not the same situation, but she also has to deal with people who don’t understand why her kid isn’t vaccinated (she is, she just might as well not be).
anyway. it’s not your fault that she showed her ass and couldn’t step back and say, “oh, i’m sorry, i’m unaware of the situation and don’t understand the medicine behind this.” she doubled down. you defended yourself and your kid. frankly, not sure what else you were supposed to do
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nta - humans have two ears and one mouth. she should learn to prioritise them as such.
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nta.
if anything your daughter’s status would make you want people to be vaccinated as that is the only way to protect her since she cannot be vaccinated. the woman is an idiot. stating something factual does not make you an asshole.
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nta. you did your homework and she came at you trying to make it personal. good show calling her on it and knocking her off her high horse.
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nta if she knew anything about being pro or anti-vaccines she would know that people like your daughter are why mass vaccinations are so important (as you already said you had posted on your page). she sounds not only rude but uneducated and jumping in a train of thought she doesn’t understand and doesn’t sound like she willing to learn about. as for the other members in your group perhaps a “refresher post” about situations like yours and the importance of getting vaccinated could be good?
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (20f) 2yo daughter has had a heart transplant due to chd and is severely immune compromised, as a result she cannot recieve live virus vaccines. i'm in a young mom's group on facebook and the topic of daycares and being a sahm came up. i said my boyfriend is the breadwinner and i stay at home with our daughter because i can't risk sending her to a daycare as she's not vaccinated. one woman, who is the same age as me with a newborn, started off, she's a new member, all the other women already know of my daughters medical history. she started calling me names and said i don't belong here if i'm so anti-vax. i told her my daughter is a transplant patient and can't be vaccinated. she just told me stop making excuses. i said, "you're an absolute idiot, if you even looked at my profile for a second you'd know that i'm an advocate for vaccines and if you did a bit of research you'd know that giving someone who is severely compromised a live virus vaccine is a bad idea." she was clearly very upset, she posted a rant about me onto the group and a few of the members said i was an asshole for calling her an idiot.aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (20f) 2yo daughter has had a heart transplant due to chd and is severely immune compromised, as a result she cannot recieve live virus vaccines. i'm in a young mom's group on facebook and the topic of daycares and being a sahm came up. i said my boyfriend is the breadwinner and i stay at home with our daughter because i can't risk sending her to a daycare as she's not vaccinated. one woman, who is the same age as me with a newborn, started off, she's a new member, all the other women already know of my daughters medical history. she started calling me names and said i don't belong here if i'm so anti-vax. i told her my daughter is a transplant patient and can't be vaccinated. she just told me stop making excuses. i said, "you're an absolute idiot, if you even looked at my profile for a second you'd know that i'm an advocate for vaccines and if you did a bit of research you'd know that giving someone who is severely compromised a live virus vaccine is a bad idea." she was clearly very upset, she posted a rant about me onto the group and a few of the members said i was an asshole for calling her an idiot.aita? [/INST] nta. it’s clear to anyone who knows anything about vacccines and how they work. the whole goal of vaccines is to develop herd immunity so that people like your daughter who can’t get vaccines are safer. it’s not just for the general population, but also for people like your daughter. she was completely out of control from the very beginning. </s>
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WIBTA if my spouse and I had just appetizers for our wedding guests but a full roast chicken for ourselves at the wedding?
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we're trying to save money where possible for the wedding ceremony and are using publix for the catering. my wife thinks the guests will be ok just eating finger foods such as fruit/vegetable trays, assorted cheeses, wings, chicken tenders... but she knows she'll be hungry and won't be satisfied with just those. she wants just her and i to also have a roast chicken at the table (i think some sides to). i think it would be incredibly rude to have an openly much better meal than our guests would have. us tearing apart a full bird while they munch on tenders. conversely i'd be perfectly fine with just the appetizers for everyone, us included. the costs for every table to get a roast chicken would put us at like $30 a plate according to her and that's not saving money. with every decision we make she justifies them by going "it's our wedding! it's ours, not anybody else's!". she didn't want to have a wide variety of options to cater to others either. she only wanted stuff she'd like. i think we'd be total assholes to go through with her idea. thoughts?
| 15,822 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vraao6/wibta_if_my_spouse_and_i_had_just_appetizers_for/
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2022-07-04 15:44:39
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yta. if you're hungry don't eat publicly when your guest have no food. also if you're broke, go small
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man have a taco bar or something, it’s rude not to feed your guests when they take the time and trouble(and bring you gifts) to celebrate “your wedding”.
etiquette 101: be a good host
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have fewer guests if you can’t afford to feed them
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lmao, this is like the post where the couple rented "official mini and micky mouse" and didn't feed there guests and she wondered why everyone had a shit time, of course yta feed your guests
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yta. that would be so rude. plan a meal for the two if you for after the ceremony in you honeymoon room as compromise. but i would be so offended as a guest to show up to that. it screams gift grab
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order pizza (edit for all) that is classier than what your wife suggests and people will feel full. do not eat a full meal in front of your guests while they have finger foods/snacks. that is beyond tacky and instead of looking frugal, you look cheap and miserly.
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yta.
you eat the same as your guests.
finger foods for all? fine.
full sit down feast for all? fine.
hosts eat full meal and guests get buffet? nope.
absolutely not.
decide what you can/want to afford **for everyone**.
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yta lmaooooooooo
this post is giving me reminders of that one op who held a wedding and put no food out at all because she spent the food budget on disney characters coming to say hi to her lmaoooooooo
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of course yta if you do this lol.. what a slap in the face to your guests
your reception is for your guest actually.. it’s a thank you to them for coming to your ceremony and celebrating your marriage
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ywbta’s
that’s incredibly rude. she can shout out “it’s my day” until the end of time but it doesn’t change the fact that doing that would be awful.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we're trying to save money where possible for the wedding ceremony and are using publix for the catering. my wife thinks the guests will be ok just eating finger foods such as fruit/vegetable trays, assorted cheeses, wings, chicken tenders... but she knows she'll be hungry and won't be satisfied with just those. she wants just her and i to also have a roast chicken at the table (i think some sides to). i think it would be incredibly rude to have an openly much better meal than our guests would have. us tearing apart a full bird while they munch on tenders. conversely i'd be perfectly fine with just the appetizers for everyone, us included. the costs for every table to get a roast chicken would put us at like $30 a plate according to her and that's not saving money. with every decision we make she justifies them by going "it's our wedding! it's ours, not anybody else's!". she didn't want to have a wide variety of options to cater to others either. she only wanted stuff she'd like. i think we'd be total assholes to go through with her idea. thoughts?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we're trying to save money where possible for the wedding ceremony and are using publix for the catering. my wife thinks the guests will be ok just eating finger foods such as fruit/vegetable trays, assorted cheeses, wings, chicken tenders... but she knows she'll be hungry and won't be satisfied with just those. she wants just her and i to also have a roast chicken at the table (i think some sides to). i think it would be incredibly rude to have an openly much better meal than our guests would have. us tearing apart a full bird while they munch on tenders. conversely i'd be perfectly fine with just the appetizers for everyone, us included. the costs for every table to get a roast chicken would put us at like $30 a plate according to her and that's not saving money. with every decision we make she justifies them by going "it's our wedding! it's ours, not anybody else's!". she didn't want to have a wide variety of options to cater to others either. she only wanted stuff she'd like. i think we'd be total assholes to go through with her idea. thoughts? [/INST] yta. if you're hungry don't eat publicly when your guest have no food. also if you're broke, go small </s>
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Aita for telling my girlfriend to stop picking up earthworms in front of my friends?
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there's literally no way of writing this without it sounding weird but there you go...
my girlfriend (26f) and i (27m) have been dating for 3 months. she's super cool and it's all going really well, so i thought it was time to introduce her to my friends from school back home. now, some things to note about my girlfriend: she's quite petite, probably about 5ft, and she dresses like - i quote - a 'kids' tv presenter.' she also gets very excited about things very easily. this means that she often gets read as being a lot younger than she actually is, which can be annoying but is also hilarious as she's probably the most intelligent person i've ever met. it's an odd contradiction but i think it's really cute.
when we got to my hometown, we decided to meet my friends at a local park which has a lake and a set of gardens. it had been raining the day before and the ground was still pretty wet, but we planned on walking around the lake with my friends, because we all live life on the edge. we got there and everyone seemed to like my girlfriend and they all got on well.
it changed when she noticed that there were lots of earthworms that had got themselves stranded on the wet pavement. my girlfriend is a complete softie when it comes to worms and snails and she always saves them whenever she sees them. it's a personality quirk. she has a folder of photos on her phone of all the worms and snail 'friends' she makes and she carries a bottle of hand sanitiser with her at all times, just in case.
so as soon as she realised that there were worms that needed saving, she got right to work, and just knelt down right there on the ground in front of my friends and started picking up the worms, literally talking to them and saying stuff like (i wish i were kidding) "let's sort you out, you've got yourself into a real situation here."
my friends all started laughing then, and i honestly couldn't tell if they were laughing with or at her, so i said to her "hey, do you think you could give the worm stuff a rest?" and she said "just let me pick up a couple more," to which i said "let's pay attention to my human friends, not your worm ones, like adults do," and that made her stop. she looked kind of embarrassed and i felt bad, and then all my friends told her that we could have a worm rescuing session if she wanted, but she seemed reluctant.
my friends all told me later that they really liked her, and they thought the worm thing was cute, but she's stopped showing me photos of the little critters on her phone now and i'm worried i was a total asshole and need to apologise. the reason i'm not sure i'm ta is that i told her to stop because i was worried my friends were laughing at her, so i said it to protect her, not shame her. aita?
| 3,398 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f7jl5m/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_to_stop_picking_up/
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2020-02-21 23:14:39
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yta.
you single handedly dulled the light in her eyes because you were afraid of what people might think.
apologize to her and explain, because my heart would be broken if my so stopped talking to me about the dumb shit they love. it’s part of the reason i love them.
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yta. i was more sympathetic with your cause until the “let’s talk to human friends like adults do” quote. that is beyond patronising and infantilising.
it’s a little concerning that you love that she “dresses like a kids tv presenter” and “acts like a kid” and you talk to her like one. jesus, just because she dresses in bright colours and is enthusiastic doesn’t mean you treat your girlfriend like a child.
apologise mate.
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yta
> i said to her "hey, do you think you could give the worm stuff a rest?" and she said "just let me pick up a couple more," to which i said "let's pay attention to my human friends, not your worm ones, like adults do," and that made her stop.
you like being single? because this is how you become single. i'd get to apologizing, and fast. hell, offer to join in next time.
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if you thought your friends were laughing at her, you could have asked them to stop. instead, you chose to back them up by telling her to stop. not really what a decent boyfriend would do. yta.
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yta.
&#x200b;
first, - " she dresses like - i quote - a 'kids' tv presenter.' " who are you quoting here? what's the point of this line?
second - why aren't you standing up to your friends for your gf? why are you so embarrassed about it? you can't tell if people are laughing at your gf, and your default is to tell her to stop? she's right to stop showing you those photos and letting you be a part of that aspect of her. you don't like it and are embarrassed by it.
you didn't protect her. you protected yourself. because you were embarrassed.
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yta. she sounds wonderful and the world needs more.
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> to which i said "let's pay attention to my human friends, not your worm ones, like adults do,"
oh come on man, that was uncalled for. that's a total asshole thing to say. she's not doing anything wrong and you just reacted that way because you felt embarrassed. don't take your insecurities and pin them on her. if you aren't comfortable with her little eccentricities then just break up with her. yta.
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yta
be honest, you were embarrassed by her and you were mean.
she deserves better tbh.
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you called her a child in front of your friends for partaking in her hobby and something she likes to do. how is that "protecting her" and her hobby/interests? that's shaming. yta
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yta. you weren't protecting your girlfriend, you were protecting yourself from the mockery of your friends. she was comfortable doing her thing until you made her self-conscious about who she was. at that point, she felt mocked and demeaned and all those comments from your friends about 'a worm rescuing session' just sounded rude. of course she stopped and was embarrassed: and you allowed it to happen.
look i get it - the fact that your girlfriend rescues worms seems funny to you. but it's part of who she is and you just allowed your friends to mock her and laugh at her ... and you joined in. that's just wrong. you were wrong.
if you're with your girlfriend, you're with her. that means shutting down assholes who tell her she's stupid to do what she does, or that she should pay more attention to other things. you didn't have her back. you allowed your friends to laugh at her. think about that for a minute. you acted as though it was perfectly all right for your friends to mock her. and now you're surprised that she's not being open with you. yes, you were a total asshole. apologize.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: there's literally no way of writing this without it sounding weird but there you go... my girlfriend (26f) and i (27m) have been dating for 3 months. she's super cool and it's all going really well, so i thought it was time to introduce her to my friends from school back home. now, some things to note about my girlfriend: she's quite petite, probably about 5ft, and she dresses like - i quote - a 'kids' tv presenter.' she also gets very excited about things very easily. this means that she often gets read as being a lot younger than she actually is, which can be annoying but is also hilarious as she's probably the most intelligent person i've ever met. it's an odd contradiction but i think it's really cute. when we got to my hometown, we decided to meet my friends at a local park which has a lake and a set of gardens. it had been raining the day before and the ground was still pretty wet, but we planned on walking around the lake with my friends, because we all live life on the edge. we got there and everyone seemed to like my girlfriend and they all got on well. it changed when she noticed that there were lots of earthworms that had got themselves stranded on the wet pavement. my girlfriend is a complete softie when it comes to worms and snails and she always saves them whenever she sees them. it's a personality quirk. she has a folder of photos on her phone of all the worms and snail 'friends' she makes and she carries a bottle of hand sanitiser with her at all times, just in case. so as soon as she realised that there were worms that needed saving, she got right to work, and just knelt down right there on the ground in front of my friends and started picking up the worms, literally talking to them and saying stuff like (i wish i were kidding) "let's sort you out, you've got yourself into a real situation here." my friends all started laughing then, and i honestly couldn't tell if they were laughing with or at her, so i said to her "hey, do you think you could give the worm stuff a rest?" and she said "just let me pick up a couple more," to which i said "let's pay attention to my human friends, not your worm ones, like adults do," and that made her stop. she looked kind of embarrassed and i felt bad, and then all my friends told her that we could have a worm rescuing session if she wanted, but she seemed reluctant. my friends all told me later that they really liked her, and they thought the worm thing was cute, but she's stopped showing me photos of the little critters on her phone now and i'm worried i was a total asshole and need to apologise. the reason i'm not sure i'm ta is that i told her to stop because i was worried my friends were laughing at her, so i said it to protect her, not shame her. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
there's literally no way of writing this without it sounding weird but there you go... my girlfriend (26f) and i (27m) have been dating for 3 months. she's super cool and it's all going really well, so i thought it was time to introduce her to my friends from school back home. now, some things to note about my girlfriend: she's quite petite, probably about 5ft, and she dresses like - i quote - a 'kids' tv presenter.' she also gets very excited about things very easily. this means that she often gets read as being a lot younger than she actually is, which can be annoying but is also hilarious as she's probably the most intelligent person i've ever met. it's an odd contradiction but i think it's really cute. when we got to my hometown, we decided to meet my friends at a local park which has a lake and a set of gardens. it had been raining the day before and the ground was still pretty wet, but we planned on walking around the lake with my friends, because we all live life on the edge. we got there and everyone seemed to like my girlfriend and they all got on well. it changed when she noticed that there were lots of earthworms that had got themselves stranded on the wet pavement. my girlfriend is a complete softie when it comes to worms and snails and she always saves them whenever she sees them. it's a personality quirk. she has a folder of photos on her phone of all the worms and snail 'friends' she makes and she carries a bottle of hand sanitiser with her at all times, just in case. so as soon as she realised that there were worms that needed saving, she got right to work, and just knelt down right there on the ground in front of my friends and started picking up the worms, literally talking to them and saying stuff like (i wish i were kidding) "let's sort you out, you've got yourself into a real situation here." my friends all started laughing then, and i honestly couldn't tell if they were laughing with or at her, so i said to her "hey, do you think you could give the worm stuff a rest?" and she said "just let me pick up a couple more," to which i said "let's pay attention to my human friends, not your worm ones, like adults do," and that made her stop. she looked kind of embarrassed and i felt bad, and then all my friends told her that we could have a worm rescuing session if she wanted, but she seemed reluctant. my friends all told me later that they really liked her, and they thought the worm thing was cute, but she's stopped showing me photos of the little critters on her phone now and i'm worried i was a total asshole and need to apologise. the reason i'm not sure i'm ta is that i told her to stop because i was worried my friends were laughing at her, so i said it to protect her, not shame her. aita? [/INST] yta. you single handedly dulled the light in her eyes because you were afraid of what people might think. apologize to her and explain, because my heart would be broken if my so stopped talking to me about the dumb shit they love. it’s part of the reason i love them. </s>
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AITA for leaving dinner at my husband's family's house over a comment he made about my miscarriage?
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my husband and i have been trying to have kids for 3 years. i've had a series of mcs and not a single pregnancy was successful. our recent mc was a month ago. and although my husband never said anything (up until now) these have such trying to times for me personally, the tension and emotions are very overwhelming and i've become too sensitive even at the mention of the topic.
he took me to his family's house for dinner last night and my mc was brought up by his mom. the look of disappointment on her face made me lose my appetite completely. she went on and on about what may have caused it then my husband chimed in and said that he's starting to come to a conclusion that "maybe i'm 'incapable' of being a mom" i was floored for two reasons. one is that he'd even say such thing. two is that no doctor has told me that there was something wrong with me specifically so for him to declare i was "incapable" of bearing children and being a mom hurt like a sting. i looked at him and he was like "what???" then told me to not get offended since he was just being honest. he said he loves me and thinks i'm perfect but still thinks that "i'm flawed in that area" referring to motherhood. i had it at that point, i just got up from my seat and took my stuff and headed to the door. i said nothing just made my way out. he shouted at me but i didn't stop.
i went home and he came and started unloading on me about how immature and too sensitive and ridiculous i was being. he said he was giving his honest opinion about the matter and i have no right to police the words that come out of his mouth whether i like what i'm hearing or not it's still *the truth*. we argued some then we stopped talking altogether. he keeps saying i exaggerated and walked during dinner and disrespected him and his family over literally nothing.
i'm unsure if i handled this the right way, or yet acted out of emotions.
| 21,769 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wa6wwq/aita_for_leaving_dinner_at_my_husbands_familys/
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2022-07-28 11:03:10
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nta-gurl don't have kids with this man
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i am almost speechless. i am so very sorry for your loss and heartache. before you consider another try, i think you may wish to re-evaluate whether this is the man you want to parent with forever. his insensivity is outrageous and then he doubled down by attacking again at home behind his interpretation of "the truth". what a total ah. please consider counseling for yourself - for your grief, frustration, and to determine whether you really want to continue with this abusive boor. soooo nta.
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1) being "too sensitive" about miscarriages is not a thing. they're devastating. your feelings and sadness surrounding them are valid. i am so sorry.
2) miscarriages very rarely have an identifiable cause. most likely, the fetus was incompatible with life for some reason. it's not anything you did or didn't do.
3) if everyone who was "incapable of being a mom" experienced miscarriages we wouldn't need the foster care system.
4) he doesn't think you're perfect and at this moment he considers you little more than a potential incubator and believes your value lies in your ability to carry a child to term.
you are nta but he and his mother absolutely are.
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nta.
it was his opinion and it wasn't based in any medical fact.
miscarriage is a natural thing. it happens quite frequently. about 1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage and it can happen for a variety of reasons. it says nothing about you and motherhood. sometimes in nature, sperm dna can be damaged during sperm production and transport. this damage is known as dna fragmentation. high levels of sperm dna fragmentation have been shown to double the likelihood of a miscarriage occurring.
so maybe instead of trying to blame you, he should look in the mirror. maybe it's his low quality sperm that's to blame, you know?
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nta - you have not handled it the right way. the right way is to change the locks, send him to mom and divorce him.
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nta. his comments were way out of line, then combined with the fact that he said them in front of others is an additional line that was crossed.
&#x200b;
op, i'm sorry for your loss and struggles to have children. i'm sure the stress and emotions are immense. know that there are many others out there with the same issues and there are support groups out there and available if you ever need. the inability to bear children in no way means you can't be a mother.
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genuinely, i don't believe that there's such a thing as "too sensitive" when it comes to your own miscarriages. seriously. you are allowed to grieve and be hurt and be mad and frustrated and whatever you need. and what your husband said wasn't """the truth""", it was his *evil, shitty opinion that he should have never, ever voiced aloud to you*. nta.
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nta. please leave this man. i don’t say this lightly but someone who treats you like this doesn’t truly love you. you deserve so much better and the sooner you break off this toxic marriage the better. you can find happiness.
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i’d would have told him that maybe he’s the problem, and he should consider if he’s the one who can’t be a dad and thus ruining your chances.
and honestly? fuck him and fuck his family for treating you like this.
nta
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nta
keep on walking till you run in the opposite direction
“ you are flawed in this area?? seriously???
he is flawed in the most important areas needed for a successful marriage- sensitivity and empathy… instead of tempering the discussion and moving away from uncomfortable and highly inappropriate commentary by your mil on mcs he decided to add to the discussion in the most crass way..
nope not the ah at all but husband and mil definitely are
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i have been trying to have kids for 3 years. i've had a series of mcs and not a single pregnancy was successful. our recent mc was a month ago. and although my husband never said anything (up until now) these have such trying to times for me personally, the tension and emotions are very overwhelming and i've become too sensitive even at the mention of the topic. he took me to his family's house for dinner last night and my mc was brought up by his mom. the look of disappointment on her face made me lose my appetite completely. she went on and on about what may have caused it then my husband chimed in and said that he's starting to come to a conclusion that "maybe i'm 'incapable' of being a mom" i was floored for two reasons. one is that he'd even say such thing. two is that no doctor has told me that there was something wrong with me specifically so for him to declare i was "incapable" of bearing children and being a mom hurt like a sting. i looked at him and he was like "what???" then told me to not get offended since he was just being honest. he said he loves me and thinks i'm perfect but still thinks that "i'm flawed in that area" referring to motherhood. i had it at that point, i just got up from my seat and took my stuff and headed to the door. i said nothing just made my way out. he shouted at me but i didn't stop. i went home and he came and started unloading on me about how immature and too sensitive and ridiculous i was being. he said he was giving his honest opinion about the matter and i have no right to police the words that come out of his mouth whether i like what i'm hearing or not it's still *the truth*. we argued some then we stopped talking altogether. he keeps saying i exaggerated and walked during dinner and disrespected him and his family over literally nothing. i'm unsure if i handled this the right way, or yet acted out of emotions.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i have been trying to have kids for 3 years. i've had a series of mcs and not a single pregnancy was successful. our recent mc was a month ago. and although my husband never said anything (up until now) these have such trying to times for me personally, the tension and emotions are very overwhelming and i've become too sensitive even at the mention of the topic. he took me to his family's house for dinner last night and my mc was brought up by his mom. the look of disappointment on her face made me lose my appetite completely. she went on and on about what may have caused it then my husband chimed in and said that he's starting to come to a conclusion that "maybe i'm 'incapable' of being a mom" i was floored for two reasons. one is that he'd even say such thing. two is that no doctor has told me that there was something wrong with me specifically so for him to declare i was "incapable" of bearing children and being a mom hurt like a sting. i looked at him and he was like "what???" then told me to not get offended since he was just being honest. he said he loves me and thinks i'm perfect but still thinks that "i'm flawed in that area" referring to motherhood. i had it at that point, i just got up from my seat and took my stuff and headed to the door. i said nothing just made my way out. he shouted at me but i didn't stop. i went home and he came and started unloading on me about how immature and too sensitive and ridiculous i was being. he said he was giving his honest opinion about the matter and i have no right to police the words that come out of his mouth whether i like what i'm hearing or not it's still *the truth*. we argued some then we stopped talking altogether. he keeps saying i exaggerated and walked during dinner and disrespected him and his family over literally nothing. i'm unsure if i handled this the right way, or yet acted out of emotions. [/INST] nta-gurl don't have kids with this man </s>
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AITA for "forcing" my father to pay child support
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my father is a dick. when he got my mother pregnant he wanted her to quit her job and just stay home to "be a good little wife and mother. he is very well off due to a trust fund and he doesn't really need to work. my mother refused and divorced him. because of a prenup she got very little and he moved back to europe. his parents never knew about me and my mother had a good profession and i never really wanted for anything. my grandmother and grandfather, her mom and dad were awesome, and i got to spend my summers exploring the wilds of western canada with them. my father never paid the child support he should have. like i said it did really matter. my mom makes good money and she gave me a great life as a child.
so the point of this post. i'm (f28) getting married. i met the love of my life (m31) at university and we have been together for eight years. he is a wonderful person and he really is my lobster. (sorry, friends reference).
his family is from the same city as my father and they are a huge rambunctious bunch. because of a lot of intermingled business and personal relationships my parental grandparents found out about my impending wedding and me i suppose. the have been in contact and want to come to canada to meet me and my fiancee who i guess is a grandson of an acquaintance of theirs. small world.
when they found out that my father had basically abandoned me to fend for myself in this world, this is honestly how they see it, they were pissed to say the least. it is very funny because we are decidedly upper middle class here.
so long story short they had their lawyer calculate the amount of child support my father should have paid with inyerest and the cost of my post secondary education. they then gave my this as a gift. what i didn't know was that it came out of my father's yearly draw on his trust fund.
he is furious because it is obviously a sizeable amount and it will very much affect his finances for at least the next two years. he may need to ,gasp, get a job.
he has been contacting me and telling me that his current wife and children will be negatively affected if i don't give him back this money.
i don't really need it. and i guess i am entitled to it and i am getting a trust fund now as well.
but i really want to pay off any debt my mother may have and make sure that when she retires she can do whatever suits her fancy.
i'm not giving it back.
aita?
| 25,924 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x1h05k/aita_for_forcing_my_father_to_pay_child_support/
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2022-08-30 11:49:36
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nta. he should have been paying it all along. and your grandparents sound badass.
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[removed]
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nta
your grandparents wont accept it back anyway.
it's your grandparents money to use however they wish. they've decided to gift it to their grandchild and not their lazy ass son.
tell him this is between him and his parents.
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[removed]
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that trust fund isn’t his money, it’s his parents money. they can give or take that any time they want. and they wanted to take it from him and given it to you. that’s 100% their right. your father is actually angry at them, but he’s also a coward. he knows that any anger he directs at them may end up with him being cut off completely.
it’s time to shut him up. let him know that if he keeps harassing you, you’ll show his texts and emails and calls to his parents. ask him how he thinks they’d react to his actions.
keep the money. just because you don’t “need” a thing doesn’t make it wrong to have it. pay off your debt, buy a home, make your new life with your husband that much easier. save and invest it for your children if you want. your grandparents want you to have their money. let them be generous to you.
nta
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he’s no father.
go wild with the money, make sure he knows exactly how wild.
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nta
they gave it freely. it is yours. if they were able to give it, it wasn't his money to control where it goes to anyway. that's how a trust works.
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nta
your dad’s a deadbeat, he should’ve been paying it all along. it’s not his money anyway, it’s from the trust fund set up for him.
your paternal grandparents sound awesome though, maybe they’re trying to atone for raising the asshat that is their son.
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nta call it karma. it's your money. it's a lovely idea to give it to your mom.
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certainly nta, how lovely of your grandparents. i bet if you let them know he’s been contacting you about it, they’ll put a stop to it. (if you want to do it in a sneakily nice way, you can say, “hey i feel awkward about this, but my dad/your son has been contacting me saying it’ll hurt his lifestyle unless i give him the money back, is that true? i’m worried about his kids”)
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my father is a dick. when he got my mother pregnant he wanted her to quit her job and just stay home to "be a good little wife and mother. he is very well off due to a trust fund and he doesn't really need to work. my mother refused and divorced him. because of a prenup she got very little and he moved back to europe. his parents never knew about me and my mother had a good profession and i never really wanted for anything. my grandmother and grandfather, her mom and dad were awesome, and i got to spend my summers exploring the wilds of western canada with them. my father never paid the child support he should have. like i said it did really matter. my mom makes good money and she gave me a great life as a child. so the point of this post. i'm (f28) getting married. i met the love of my life (m31) at university and we have been together for eight years. he is a wonderful person and he really is my lobster. (sorry, friends reference). his family is from the same city as my father and they are a huge rambunctious bunch. because of a lot of intermingled business and personal relationships my parental grandparents found out about my impending wedding and me i suppose. the have been in contact and want to come to canada to meet me and my fiancee who i guess is a grandson of an acquaintance of theirs. small world. when they found out that my father had basically abandoned me to fend for myself in this world, this is honestly how they see it, they were pissed to say the least. it is very funny because we are decidedly upper middle class here. so long story short they had their lawyer calculate the amount of child support my father should have paid with inyerest and the cost of my post secondary education. they then gave my this as a gift. what i didn't know was that it came out of my father's yearly draw on his trust fund. he is furious because it is obviously a sizeable amount and it will very much affect his finances for at least the next two years. he may need to ,gasp, get a job. he has been contacting me and telling me that his current wife and children will be negatively affected if i don't give him back this money. i don't really need it. and i guess i am entitled to it and i am getting a trust fund now as well. but i really want to pay off any debt my mother may have and make sure that when she retires she can do whatever suits her fancy. i'm not giving it back. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my father is a dick. when he got my mother pregnant he wanted her to quit her job and just stay home to "be a good little wife and mother. he is very well off due to a trust fund and he doesn't really need to work. my mother refused and divorced him. because of a prenup she got very little and he moved back to europe. his parents never knew about me and my mother had a good profession and i never really wanted for anything. my grandmother and grandfather, her mom and dad were awesome, and i got to spend my summers exploring the wilds of western canada with them. my father never paid the child support he should have. like i said it did really matter. my mom makes good money and she gave me a great life as a child. so the point of this post. i'm (f28) getting married. i met the love of my life (m31) at university and we have been together for eight years. he is a wonderful person and he really is my lobster. (sorry, friends reference). his family is from the same city as my father and they are a huge rambunctious bunch. because of a lot of intermingled business and personal relationships my parental grandparents found out about my impending wedding and me i suppose. the have been in contact and want to come to canada to meet me and my fiancee who i guess is a grandson of an acquaintance of theirs. small world. when they found out that my father had basically abandoned me to fend for myself in this world, this is honestly how they see it, they were pissed to say the least. it is very funny because we are decidedly upper middle class here. so long story short they had their lawyer calculate the amount of child support my father should have paid with inyerest and the cost of my post secondary education. they then gave my this as a gift. what i didn't know was that it came out of my father's yearly draw on his trust fund. he is furious because it is obviously a sizeable amount and it will very much affect his finances for at least the next two years. he may need to ,gasp, get a job. he has been contacting me and telling me that his current wife and children will be negatively affected if i don't give him back this money. i don't really need it. and i guess i am entitled to it and i am getting a trust fund now as well. but i really want to pay off any debt my mother may have and make sure that when she retires she can do whatever suits her fancy. i'm not giving it back. aita? [/INST] nta. he should have been paying it all along. and your grandparents sound badass. </s>
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AITA for getting my interviewer fired?
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i (f27) went to a job interview for a potential job opportunity at this company. the interviewer, we'll call him "eddie" (30ish) welcomed me into the office and had me sit down. first thing he did was look at my cv then started asking me questions that seemed a little to personal and unrelated to the job. like if i was in a relationship, wether my eye color was "real" or just 'lenses", also asked about how i spend my time when "alone" and what type of dudes i like. like legit personal questions. don't know if he was testing how i react but i kept it cool til he asked me the question of what my greatest weakness was. i responded by saying "keeping up with your inappropriate questions and answering them politely!". he looked at me upset and then told me i had an "attitude". it was clear that the interview was over. he told me i didn't get the job which i found unfair because i don't think i desreved to lose the job over what? nothing. i got into an argument with him then told him i was going to report him.
i went to speak to the supervisor and filed a complaint against eddie. the supervisor apologized to me and tried to reschedule a new interview but i was hasitant about it. later i was told that eddie got fired which made me feel guilty. my mom and dad agreed that his questions were inappropriate but said that i went too far by reporting him and having him fired. eddie tried contacting me via email saying that what i did could've been resolved between us and even said he could've arranged a new interview for me but i "ruined" it for myself and cost him his job.
aita?
| 22,754 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v8gw85/aita_for_getting_my_interviewer_fired/
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2022-06-09 13:29:51
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nta
notify the company that eddie used your application info to contact you after he was fired. that is a major security/liability issue for them. keep a record of all contact in case this guy turns out to be a stalker.
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nta. if he got fired that quickly, then he was probably already on probation for similar issues. your complaint is saving others from similar experiences. he wasn’t just bothering you, he wasn’t serving the company well by focusing on hiring qualified people. furthermore, he should not have contacted you afterwards. he shouldn’t still have access to your contact info and you should let the company know as it could be a liability issue for them.
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nta - i am a manager who has interviewed people over 30 years and could clearly say that "eddie" had no business interviewing you. he clearly crossed the line then had the gaul to play victim in all of this. i think you handled yourself professionally.
i feel everyone thinks it would be easy to interview but there is actually a lot of training that is required because there are so many questions you can ask someone that seem harmless and actually break the law. but...eddies questions are way beyond that...it seems he not only crossed the line but was a 100 miles beyond the line.
eddie actually put his whole company at risk for a lawsuit that can cost them millions in settling lawsuits and legal feels. the company did the wrong thing by not training and preparing eddy to conduct interviews but they did the right thing in the end and cut out that cancer from their company.
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nta. your parents are wrong — you didn’t “have him fired,” you just reported what he was doing to his supervisor. what happened next between him and his employer isn’t on you. for all you know it was a last strike (but it really sounds like this guy just shouldn’t have been there in the first place).
nice one, btw, on “keeping up with your inappropriate questions.”
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100% nta. what is wrong with your parents through? good grief.
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why do all of these posts involve people agreeing that the perpetrator did something wrong but thinking that they shouldn't have faced consequences for it?
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nta! 100%
wtf is wrong with your parents?! they should have your back on this.
&#x200b;
you absolutely did the right thing in reporting him! those questions shouldn't have been anywhere in that interview! and since they did fire him, you should consider going in for an interview. a great new position just opened up!
&#x200b;
you did not get him fired, he got himself fired by being completely unprofessional in the interview. if nobody tells his supervisor, how will they know?! i'd want to know if i ran the company! i'd want decent people working for me. i wouldn't want people getting harassed at the interview! it doesn't say anything good about the company if that happens!!!!
and him emailing you after the fact? you send him a link to this post so he can see just how ridiculous his behavior was. he can blame nobody but himself for the outcome he received! and it's hard to resolve things alone with someone who was sexually harassing you at a place of work!
&#x200b;
(advice: if ever you're asked about your greatest weakness at a job interview, you can give the same answer i give: "i don't handle unprofessional attitudes very well" most employers love to think they have a professional work force and don't actually see that as a bad weakness to have)
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he hit on you in a professional setting when you were looking for a job, then he denied you that interview after you took issue with his inappropriate behavour. he deserves to be fired and you did the right thing. you should report back to the company that he is now harassing you over email - an email address that he stole from work. this has data protection implications. they will want to know.
besides, you did address his behaviour and look how he reacted. he tried to deny you a job. imagine working with this guy? " go out with me or i'll get you fired".
nta, you handled it perfectly. now report the fact that he is stalking you.
also, your parents? they're arseholes, too.
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nta. you didn’t “have him fired.” the company realized he was a liability bomb and disposed of dangerous material.
info: wtf is wrong with your parents?
edit. don’t wait until something happens. let the company know right now that he used your personal information to contact you.
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nta. i could only imagine how much worse he is with his other colleagues.
shame on your parents too.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f27) went to a job interview for a potential job opportunity at this company. the interviewer, we'll call him "eddie" (30ish) welcomed me into the office and had me sit down. first thing he did was look at my cv then started asking me questions that seemed a little to personal and unrelated to the job. like if i was in a relationship, wether my eye color was "real" or just 'lenses", also asked about how i spend my time when "alone" and what type of dudes i like. like legit personal questions. don't know if he was testing how i react but i kept it cool til he asked me the question of what my greatest weakness was. i responded by saying "keeping up with your inappropriate questions and answering them politely!". he looked at me upset and then told me i had an "attitude". it was clear that the interview was over. he told me i didn't get the job which i found unfair because i don't think i desreved to lose the job over what? nothing. i got into an argument with him then told him i was going to report him. i went to speak to the supervisor and filed a complaint against eddie. the supervisor apologized to me and tried to reschedule a new interview but i was hasitant about it. later i was told that eddie got fired which made me feel guilty. my mom and dad agreed that his questions were inappropriate but said that i went too far by reporting him and having him fired. eddie tried contacting me via email saying that what i did could've been resolved between us and even said he could've arranged a new interview for me but i "ruined" it for myself and cost him his job. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (f27) went to a job interview for a potential job opportunity at this company. the interviewer, we'll call him "eddie" (30ish) welcomed me into the office and had me sit down. first thing he did was look at my cv then started asking me questions that seemed a little to personal and unrelated to the job. like if i was in a relationship, wether my eye color was "real" or just 'lenses", also asked about how i spend my time when "alone" and what type of dudes i like. like legit personal questions. don't know if he was testing how i react but i kept it cool til he asked me the question of what my greatest weakness was. i responded by saying "keeping up with your inappropriate questions and answering them politely!". he looked at me upset and then told me i had an "attitude". it was clear that the interview was over. he told me i didn't get the job which i found unfair because i don't think i desreved to lose the job over what? nothing. i got into an argument with him then told him i was going to report him. i went to speak to the supervisor and filed a complaint against eddie. the supervisor apologized to me and tried to reschedule a new interview but i was hasitant about it. later i was told that eddie got fired which made me feel guilty. my mom and dad agreed that his questions were inappropriate but said that i went too far by reporting him and having him fired. eddie tried contacting me via email saying that what i did could've been resolved between us and even said he could've arranged a new interview for me but i "ruined" it for myself and cost him his job. aita? [/INST] nta notify the company that eddie used your application info to contact you after he was fired. that is a major security/liability issue for them. keep a record of all contact in case this guy turns out to be a stalker. </s>
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AITA for not defending my wife at the dinner table?
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my wife (27f) and me (36m) were having thanksgiving dinner at my parents' house last thursday. my wife has this weird habit of eating with a teaspoon all the time, instead of a regular spoon so when she and my mom were setting the table, she took a teaspoon for herself. anyways, when she was eating with it, my dad pointed it out to her and asked "why on earth are you eating with that tiny spoon? y'know eating in tiny mouths isn't gonna help you lose those extra pounds you have." i saw it as a harmless joke at the time and laughed along with it, so did my wife at the time but when we were going back hone she seemed annoyed with me and at first i didn't get why until she told me it was because i let my dad joke about her weight and didn't defend her. she has had some trouble with her weight lately but i didn't think she'd get so angry over the joke
at the time she seemed chill about the joke and it really seemed harmless, if someone joked about me that way i wouldn't take it to heart. personally i don't think her reaction was reasonable and i dont get why she's still annoyed at me for it.
| 7,957 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r6mstm/aita_for_not_defending_my_wife_at_the_dinner_table/
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2021-12-01 19:23:25
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yta. you and your dad. insulting someone while laughing isn’t a joke, it’s just an insult.
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yta. do not laugh at a "joke" that insults your wife. especially if you know it is a sensitive topic for her. you messed up big time.
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yta
flip it around. if your mil "joked" about your tiny penis or lack of achievement or whatever else, and your wife did not stand up for you then how would you feel?
that was not a harmless joke. that was a passive-aggressive dig.
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yta
your dad insulted your wife and you laughed. this only encourages your family to make these snide comments.
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response to your
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yta - she seemed “chill” at the time because she was in shock and uncomfortable with confronting your dad over his comment and over your silence on the matter. a joke is something that is considered to be funny by all parties and, as she never actually thought it was funny, means it wasn’t a joke.
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wait, so you sat there at the dinner table and laughed along as your dad called your wife fat?
what the hell is wrong with you?
yta.
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yta your father called her fat in front of everyone and you laughed.
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that wasn't a joke. that was a really insensitive comment your dad made to your wife. i bet your wife laughing was one of those placating laughs women are conditioned to do when men say insensitive shit they think is funny.
even so, you could have said something to your dad about his mean-spirited comment.
yta
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yta and while i’m not diagnosing your wife’s “weird habit” sounds at first glance very much like a tactic someone with disordered eating would use, so i’d say good chance it’s a sensitive issue.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife (27f) and me (36m) were having thanksgiving dinner at my parents' house last thursday. my wife has this weird habit of eating with a teaspoon all the time, instead of a regular spoon so when she and my mom were setting the table, she took a teaspoon for herself. anyways, when she was eating with it, my dad pointed it out to her and asked "why on earth are you eating with that tiny spoon? y'know eating in tiny mouths isn't gonna help you lose those extra pounds you have." i saw it as a harmless joke at the time and laughed along with it, so did my wife at the time but when we were going back hone she seemed annoyed with me and at first i didn't get why until she told me it was because i let my dad joke about her weight and didn't defend her. she has had some trouble with her weight lately but i didn't think she'd get so angry over the joke at the time she seemed chill about the joke and it really seemed harmless, if someone joked about me that way i wouldn't take it to heart. personally i don't think her reaction was reasonable and i dont get why she's still annoyed at me for it.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife (27f) and me (36m) were having thanksgiving dinner at my parents' house last thursday. my wife has this weird habit of eating with a teaspoon all the time, instead of a regular spoon so when she and my mom were setting the table, she took a teaspoon for herself. anyways, when she was eating with it, my dad pointed it out to her and asked "why on earth are you eating with that tiny spoon? y'know eating in tiny mouths isn't gonna help you lose those extra pounds you have." i saw it as a harmless joke at the time and laughed along with it, so did my wife at the time but when we were going back hone she seemed annoyed with me and at first i didn't get why until she told me it was because i let my dad joke about her weight and didn't defend her. she has had some trouble with her weight lately but i didn't think she'd get so angry over the joke at the time she seemed chill about the joke and it really seemed harmless, if someone joked about me that way i wouldn't take it to heart. personally i don't think her reaction was reasonable and i dont get why she's still annoyed at me for it. [/INST] yta. you and your dad. insulting someone while laughing isn’t a joke, it’s just an insult. </s>
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AITA for telling strangers that my wife and I are married?
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my wife gets upset when i do this but i feel like i'm in the right here. if we are at a bar or a party, we usually go our own separate ways to socialize. i'll notice that she'll be talking to a guy that neither of us have met before and i can see on his face that he's into her. so i'll head over to where she's at and grab her, give her a kiss and compliment her. something like "she's so funny. that's why i married her." then i leave so she can continue talking. almost every time, the guy ends up leaving after i do. she's never really flirting with these guys, just talking sports or politics. but she's beautiful and very smart and she has a knack for being very personable so they assume she is flirting. she says all she is trying to do is have a conversation with a stranger but i'll i'm doing is letting people know we are married. if it was just a conversation, they should still be able to talk to her even though she's taken. aita?
| 16,859 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bxk596/aita_for_telling_strangers_that_my_wife_and_i_are/
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2019-06-06 18:27:48
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yta. if all they’re doing is having a normal conversation, then you’re just acting unnecessarily jealous. if you trust your wife, then trust that she will tell them that she is married if needed.
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yta. stop interrupting her conversations so that you can mark your territory.
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yta - you might as well pee on her to mark your territory. imagine if every time you were talking to a woman she did the same thing?
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there's a chance those guys are leaving because you're acting a bit creepily possessive. might depend on how you're doing these introductions, if you're walking in on their conversation to say "isn't she great? we're married by the way." and then leave within 30 seconds, that's just weird.
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yta.
that's kinda some dangerous levels of possession jealousy going on.
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yta. there's nothing wrong with telling people you're married, but the way you're doing it clearly kills the conversation, and your wife has mentioned that it upsets her. this is what makes you the asshole.
you can't really know that someone is flirting with your wife, they could really just be chatting. and even if they are flirting, who cares? you should trust that your wife will pick up on it and shut it down if they do start coming on to her.
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oof dude that’s pretty cringey.
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“my wife gets upset when i do this” yeah, because it’s intrusive and awkward, and she’s telling you to stop! y’all came to the event together, you yourself say she’s not flirting. she’s a human being with agency, not an object to be claimed every time you think someone else is looking at it approvingly. yta.
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yta
they probably are looking for more than conversation--but a lot of them won't be. i know like hell i wouldn't be interested in continuing a conversation with someone if their partner barges in and makes assumptions about my intentions, even if i wasn't interested in the person sexually.
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yta.
do you not trust your wife? because that's what it sounds like. unless you see something inappropriate going on, let her talk to people. the guys leave because with a husband like that it's only going to be problems too even talk to her.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife gets upset when i do this but i feel like i'm in the right here. if we are at a bar or a party, we usually go our own separate ways to socialize. i'll notice that she'll be talking to a guy that neither of us have met before and i can see on his face that he's into her. so i'll head over to where she's at and grab her, give her a kiss and compliment her. something like "she's so funny. that's why i married her." then i leave so she can continue talking. almost every time, the guy ends up leaving after i do. she's never really flirting with these guys, just talking sports or politics. but she's beautiful and very smart and she has a knack for being very personable so they assume she is flirting. she says all she is trying to do is have a conversation with a stranger but i'll i'm doing is letting people know we are married. if it was just a conversation, they should still be able to talk to her even though she's taken. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife gets upset when i do this but i feel like i'm in the right here. if we are at a bar or a party, we usually go our own separate ways to socialize. i'll notice that she'll be talking to a guy that neither of us have met before and i can see on his face that he's into her. so i'll head over to where she's at and grab her, give her a kiss and compliment her. something like "she's so funny. that's why i married her." then i leave so she can continue talking. almost every time, the guy ends up leaving after i do. she's never really flirting with these guys, just talking sports or politics. but she's beautiful and very smart and she has a knack for being very personable so they assume she is flirting. she says all she is trying to do is have a conversation with a stranger but i'll i'm doing is letting people know we are married. if it was just a conversation, they should still be able to talk to her even though she's taken. aita? [/INST] yta. if all they’re doing is having a normal conversation, then you’re just acting unnecessarily jealous. if you trust your wife, then trust that she will tell them that she is married if needed. </s>
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AITA for asking my bridesmaid to temporarily change her vibrant hair colour for my colour schemed wedding?
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my 24 f bridsemaid / cousin ella 26 f is to be in my wedding party in june.
the ongoing issue is that my wedding has a blue and green peacock theme and guests have been asked to follow this colour scheme with their clothes.
hair wasn't originally included at all in the colour scheme but my cousin ella has natural bright ginger hair.
i would never ask someone to permemnantly change their hair for my wedding, i know that would be bonkers so i suggested some temporary hair dye, but ella argued that she has been growing her hair for 6 years and doesn't want to risk the colour not washing out.
i thought this was ridiculous because it literally says washes out in like 14 washes.
but ella says because her hair is completely natural colour it might take strongly to her hair.
so i gave up on that avenue and suggested a wig, it is 1 day 1 single day and there are some amazing wigs these days, i had a look on instagram and you wouldn't even be able to tell.
but she said she would feel self conscious and weird wearing a wig and that because her hair is butt length that it might sit weird on her head.
so she won't dye it, and won't cover it up.
i really don't want to come across as a bridezilla but butt length flaming red hair will destroy the wedding photos, and ruin the colour scheme completely.
im at a loss, i can't cut her from the wedding because my mom would murder me but i can't have freaking merida ruining the photos, aita for asking this of her for just 1 single day?
tl;dr bridesmaid has flaming red hair and refusing to hide it for one single day for my wedding that has a colour scheme it will clash with aita
| 8,963 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/essrci/aita_for_asking_my_bridesmaid_to_temporarily/
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2020-01-23 12:59:47
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yta - this is her natural hair. if she had artificial coloring, i can see asking her to dye it again, but you are asking someone to change their natural hair color. yes your wedding, but there are limits are you have exceeded the limit.
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yta she's hotter than you huh
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yta.
i thought she was going to have some sort of comical crayola shade of red hair. she has gorgeous, natural virgin red hair. it's beautiful and completely natural. nothing about her hair is "flaming." it's not even particularly red, more like a deep strawberry blonde. this is just bizarre. you're a bridezilla like 17 times here. idk what's behind this weird insecurity about someone's natural hair color, but you are absolutely the asshole for making such ridiculous demands. your wedding guests shouldn't need to adhere to a strict dress code color scheme and people shouldn't be asked to subdue their natural hair color or other traits outside of your control. jfc it's not even like her hair is purple!
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yta. a peacock color scheme would look just fine with that shade of red hair. if anything, it'll make the dress colors look more vibrant. if she wears her hair up, the emphasis will be on the color scheme, not her hair. you don't ask a natural redhead to dye their hair for one day. you don't ask a woman with super long hair to stuff it into a wig.
are you sure you're not worried she'll look better than you because of her hair?
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yta. it’s her natural hair for heaven sake! plus, dying red hair is notoriously difficult, and frequently red hair doesn’t return to its natural shade after dying it. her red hair isn’t going to ruin your color scheme. get over yourself; you’re being unreasonable.
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yta. as someone with "flaming red hair," there are about a hundred things i would say to you about this, but 99 of them would probably get me banned from this sub; so i'll just say you're in the running to be america's next top bridezilla.
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yta asking someone to change their natural hair or their hair period is over the line. no one will give a crap about your wedding photos within a few months of the wedding besides you. her hair won't ruin the photos, your attitude will.
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yta 100% bridezilla.
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yta. what on god's green earth makes you think you have any standing to tell someone to change their hair color - their natural hair color?
you are the epitome of the bridezilla stereotype. i often think that people who demand such things for their super special magikal princess jubilee marry day are not mature enough to marry.
calm down op. your cousin will look lovely, you will look lovely, none of this matters in the scheme of life.
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ytmassivea: speaking as a person with natural bright copper hair, your peacock color scheme has nothing to with it. those specific tones go perfectly with red hair and it looks amazing. there literally couldn’t be a more complimentary pallet to red hair than peacock tones.
your jealousy is showing and rightfully so, she’s going to look *amazing* on your big day with those colors as her backdrop.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my 24 f bridsemaid / cousin ella 26 f is to be in my wedding party in june. the ongoing issue is that my wedding has a blue and green peacock theme and guests have been asked to follow this colour scheme with their clothes. hair wasn't originally included at all in the colour scheme but my cousin ella has natural bright ginger hair. i would never ask someone to permemnantly change their hair for my wedding, i know that would be bonkers so i suggested some temporary hair dye, but ella argued that she has been growing her hair for 6 years and doesn't want to risk the colour not washing out. i thought this was ridiculous because it literally says washes out in like 14 washes. but ella says because her hair is completely natural colour it might take strongly to her hair. so i gave up on that avenue and suggested a wig, it is 1 day 1 single day and there are some amazing wigs these days, i had a look on instagram and you wouldn't even be able to tell. but she said she would feel self conscious and weird wearing a wig and that because her hair is butt length that it might sit weird on her head. so she won't dye it, and won't cover it up. i really don't want to come across as a bridezilla but butt length flaming red hair will destroy the wedding photos, and ruin the colour scheme completely. im at a loss, i can't cut her from the wedding because my mom would murder me but i can't have freaking merida ruining the photos, aita for asking this of her for just 1 single day? tl;dr bridesmaid has flaming red hair and refusing to hide it for one single day for my wedding that has a colour scheme it will clash with aita
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my 24 f bridsemaid / cousin ella 26 f is to be in my wedding party in june. the ongoing issue is that my wedding has a blue and green peacock theme and guests have been asked to follow this colour scheme with their clothes. hair wasn't originally included at all in the colour scheme but my cousin ella has natural bright ginger hair. i would never ask someone to permemnantly change their hair for my wedding, i know that would be bonkers so i suggested some temporary hair dye, but ella argued that she has been growing her hair for 6 years and doesn't want to risk the colour not washing out. i thought this was ridiculous because it literally says washes out in like 14 washes. but ella says because her hair is completely natural colour it might take strongly to her hair. so i gave up on that avenue and suggested a wig, it is 1 day 1 single day and there are some amazing wigs these days, i had a look on instagram and you wouldn't even be able to tell. but she said she would feel self conscious and weird wearing a wig and that because her hair is butt length that it might sit weird on her head. so she won't dye it, and won't cover it up. i really don't want to come across as a bridezilla but butt length flaming red hair will destroy the wedding photos, and ruin the colour scheme completely. im at a loss, i can't cut her from the wedding because my mom would murder me but i can't have freaking merida ruining the photos, aita for asking this of her for just 1 single day? tl;dr bridesmaid has flaming red hair and refusing to hide it for one single day for my wedding that has a colour scheme it will clash with aita [/INST] yta - this is her natural hair. if she had artificial coloring, i can see asking her to dye it again, but you are asking someone to change their natural hair color. yes your wedding, but there are limits are you have exceeded the limit. </s>
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AITA for buying an extra airline seat (and utilizing it) even though I don't need it?
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i hate flying to the point that i will gladly drove 10-15 hours to avoid a 4 hour flight. it's not that i'm scared of flying, i just hate everything from the security theater to the cramped seats that leave me sore for days.
so i only fly if i can buy a second seat (or third if i'm flying with my wife). it lets me stretch my legs out if needed, not feel trapped mentally, and not sit next to annoying people etc. also a second seat is almost always cheaper than business/first class and for some reason they refund you if the flight isn't full. i'm a big guy but i 100% don't need two seats, gate agents are constantly baffled and one even said "you're not nearly big enough to need 2 seats".
on multiple flights i've had to argue with flight attendants and randoms that no i bought the second seat, and if they oversold the flight/some 400 lb guy didn't buy the second seat he needs and is killing his seatmate it's not my problem.
aita for never backing down in this scenario that has happened 6-7 times at this point? if i was willing to fly with one seat i wouldn't have bought a second seat.
note - i do not take two seats on the train/bus ever. they are way more comfortable and you can stand whenever etc so i don't feel cramped and trapped like on a plane.
| 26,938 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c3os52/aita_for_buying_an_extra_airline_seat_and/
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2019-06-22 11:47:57
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nta. you bought both seats. they're yours to use or not use as you please.
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nta. if you pay for it then it’s yours, simple as that.
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nta -- unless the flight is departing a wartorn region, a natural disaster, or a horde of zombies, there is no reason to second-guess yourself: you paid for the seat, so it's yours.
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flights have limited space and so i feel like it inconveniences people who might have to find a different flight. but if the airlines allow it and you pay for it then nta i guess.
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i have no idea how you are consistently making this work because we fly with our own damn kids all the time and have encountered several instances in which the airlines split up the seats we reserve together for reasons that make absolutely no sense.
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[removed]
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not only are you nta, i want to applaud you buying a 2nd seat.
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the only negative thing about this is the negative impact on climate. planes pollute a lot, and it helps if they're packed to maximum capacity.
however, business class still exists so fuck it. what you're doing is a drop in the bucket.
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nta
i absolutely hate it when airlines sell too many tickets and make other passengers who paid for 2 seats give up their extra seat. and guess what, airlines actually sell extra seats at every chance possible. apparently statistically there is a very high chance at least one passenger doesn't make it in a flight so airlines would just sell extra tickets.
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nta, you bought them, they're your seats, and that's it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i hate flying to the point that i will gladly drove 10-15 hours to avoid a 4 hour flight. it's not that i'm scared of flying, i just hate everything from the security theater to the cramped seats that leave me sore for days. so i only fly if i can buy a second seat (or third if i'm flying with my wife). it lets me stretch my legs out if needed, not feel trapped mentally, and not sit next to annoying people etc. also a second seat is almost always cheaper than business/first class and for some reason they refund you if the flight isn't full. i'm a big guy but i 100% don't need two seats, gate agents are constantly baffled and one even said "you're not nearly big enough to need 2 seats". on multiple flights i've had to argue with flight attendants and randoms that no i bought the second seat, and if they oversold the flight/some 400 lb guy didn't buy the second seat he needs and is killing his seatmate it's not my problem. aita for never backing down in this scenario that has happened 6-7 times at this point? if i was willing to fly with one seat i wouldn't have bought a second seat. note - i do not take two seats on the train/bus ever. they are way more comfortable and you can stand whenever etc so i don't feel cramped and trapped like on a plane.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i hate flying to the point that i will gladly drove 10-15 hours to avoid a 4 hour flight. it's not that i'm scared of flying, i just hate everything from the security theater to the cramped seats that leave me sore for days. so i only fly if i can buy a second seat (or third if i'm flying with my wife). it lets me stretch my legs out if needed, not feel trapped mentally, and not sit next to annoying people etc. also a second seat is almost always cheaper than business/first class and for some reason they refund you if the flight isn't full. i'm a big guy but i 100% don't need two seats, gate agents are constantly baffled and one even said "you're not nearly big enough to need 2 seats". on multiple flights i've had to argue with flight attendants and randoms that no i bought the second seat, and if they oversold the flight/some 400 lb guy didn't buy the second seat he needs and is killing his seatmate it's not my problem. aita for never backing down in this scenario that has happened 6-7 times at this point? if i was willing to fly with one seat i wouldn't have bought a second seat. note - i do not take two seats on the train/bus ever. they are way more comfortable and you can stand whenever etc so i don't feel cramped and trapped like on a plane. [/INST] nta. you bought both seats. they're yours to use or not use as you please. </s>
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AITA for drunkenly proposing to my girlfriend at my best friends wedding reception?
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i was the best man at my best friends wedding about 4 months ago. i’d never been to a wedding before but had a great time and it was amazing seeing my best friend since childhood get married. i’m have a pretty nervous disposition, so the fact i’d be making a speech at some point during the day, i drank a bit more than i should’ve done.
my girlfriend and i have been together for about 3 years, and have decided that we’re going to wait a bit to get married as she’s been through a lot recently. i’m not big on the whole marriage thing so i told her that was absolutely fine and we’d wait.
the wedding reception rolls around, i make my speech, i take advantage of the open bar. my girlfriend was also in the brides wedding party so she was off with her friends most of the day. it got to 10pm and i was pretty drunk, so my girlfriend found me and took me outside to have some fresh air. whilst we were there we had a super amazing deep chat about life, and i thought to myself, why not, let’s propose. it was outside but we were still in eye-view of everyone in the reception, and a few people were already looking to make sure i was okay as they knew how drunk i was.
i proposed expecting her to be overjoyed but instead she started crying and ran inside. my best friend came over and asked what the fuck i thought i was doing proposing at his wedding, and his new wife was pissed because instead of enjoying her wedding she was now having to console my girlfriend who was pissed off that i’d even thought of proposing whilst drunk. my girlfriend decided we needed to take a break and the majority of my friends aren’t speaking to me, but i was drunk and i do love my girlfriend. aita?
| 4,236 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h14t6c/aita_for_drunkenly_proposing_to_my_girlfriend_at/
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2020-06-11 18:22:05
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yta. you can't use "because i was drunk" as an excuse for your actions. also, your gf had told you she's not ready, why put her on the spot at someone else's wedding?
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yta don't propose at someone's event and don't propose when you are drunk
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jesus christ. yta. firstly for getting so plastered at your best friend's wedding reception that (actual adults, unlike you) had to fucking babysit you and secondly for being so self-centered that you thought for even half a second that a surprise proposal at somebody else's wedding while blitzed out of your mind could possibly have a positive outcome.
grow up.
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yta. god what a lazy proposal, plus how inconsiderate to your friends. and instead of taking responsibility for your selfishness, you’re pinning it on being drunk. so immature. i hope your gf reconsiders marrying you.
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yta. from literally every angle.
proposing at someone else's wedding is always wrong. they didn't spend thousands to be upstaged. but that's not even the worst part.
you and your (ex?) gf had specifically discussed waiting because *she* had been through a lot lately. but somehow you think it's ok that you decided on her behalf that whatever was going on with her didn't matter anymore?
"i was drunk" is the worst excuse in the book. and it sounds like you haven't apologized or expressed remorse of any kind, and now see yourself as a victim.
you are the worst.
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firstly, how do you not understand the social concept of taking away the day from the bride and groom on a normal scale, this is a pretty basic concept to say the least.
secondly, no one, not one single person who matters in this situation thinks what you did is okay, so i'm confused to again how you don't understand.
regardless of what any person says here supporting you and your decision to propose while intoxicated, the bride, groom and your (ex) girlfriend do not agree, which is all that matters here.
yikes, yta.
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big fat yta, you never do that at someone else's wedding! \*\*i wouldn't be surprised if the bride and groom dumped you as a friend. holy shit.
edit
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yta . this is one of those posts where i can't believe the op doesn't seem themselves as the asshole. everyone knows the wedding is for the bride and the groom, you don't take away attention from that without express permission from the couple. on top of that you proposed drunk, which is ridiculous to me. i can't imagine how embarrassing it was for her to see you drunkenly propose to her at your best friends wedding.
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you keep repeating how you were drunk as if it were an excuse. it's not. getting that drunk at a wedding alone makes you an asshole. but getting drunk and proposing to your gf (when you've already decided mutually to wait and you don't have the permission of the people whose wedding you're crapping on) is a double asshole move. so yes, yta.
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holy hell. what's wrong with you? you should be so embarrassed. you completely ruined the chance for you to ever propose to her seriously again. you just made something super serious into a complete joke. not to mention you ruined your friend's wedding. she deserves better.
yta x 100
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was the best man at my best friends wedding about 4 months ago. i’d never been to a wedding before but had a great time and it was amazing seeing my best friend since childhood get married. i’m have a pretty nervous disposition, so the fact i’d be making a speech at some point during the day, i drank a bit more than i should’ve done. my girlfriend and i have been together for about 3 years, and have decided that we’re going to wait a bit to get married as she’s been through a lot recently. i’m not big on the whole marriage thing so i told her that was absolutely fine and we’d wait. the wedding reception rolls around, i make my speech, i take advantage of the open bar. my girlfriend was also in the brides wedding party so she was off with her friends most of the day. it got to 10pm and i was pretty drunk, so my girlfriend found me and took me outside to have some fresh air. whilst we were there we had a super amazing deep chat about life, and i thought to myself, why not, let’s propose. it was outside but we were still in eye-view of everyone in the reception, and a few people were already looking to make sure i was okay as they knew how drunk i was. i proposed expecting her to be overjoyed but instead she started crying and ran inside. my best friend came over and asked what the fuck i thought i was doing proposing at his wedding, and his new wife was pissed because instead of enjoying her wedding she was now having to console my girlfriend who was pissed off that i’d even thought of proposing whilst drunk. my girlfriend decided we needed to take a break and the majority of my friends aren’t speaking to me, but i was drunk and i do love my girlfriend. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i was the best man at my best friends wedding about 4 months ago. i’d never been to a wedding before but had a great time and it was amazing seeing my best friend since childhood get married. i’m have a pretty nervous disposition, so the fact i’d be making a speech at some point during the day, i drank a bit more than i should’ve done. my girlfriend and i have been together for about 3 years, and have decided that we’re going to wait a bit to get married as she’s been through a lot recently. i’m not big on the whole marriage thing so i told her that was absolutely fine and we’d wait. the wedding reception rolls around, i make my speech, i take advantage of the open bar. my girlfriend was also in the brides wedding party so she was off with her friends most of the day. it got to 10pm and i was pretty drunk, so my girlfriend found me and took me outside to have some fresh air. whilst we were there we had a super amazing deep chat about life, and i thought to myself, why not, let’s propose. it was outside but we were still in eye-view of everyone in the reception, and a few people were already looking to make sure i was okay as they knew how drunk i was. i proposed expecting her to be overjoyed but instead she started crying and ran inside. my best friend came over and asked what the fuck i thought i was doing proposing at his wedding, and his new wife was pissed because instead of enjoying her wedding she was now having to console my girlfriend who was pissed off that i’d even thought of proposing whilst drunk. my girlfriend decided we needed to take a break and the majority of my friends aren’t speaking to me, but i was drunk and i do love my girlfriend. aita? [/INST] yta. you can't use "because i was drunk" as an excuse for your actions. also, your gf had told you she's not ready, why put her on the spot at someone else's wedding? </s>
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AITA for giving my husband one day to return the bracelet that he took from his daughter's mom?
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it's a bit complicated, so bear with me.
i f34 have been with my husband m37 for 2 years, he has a 9 year old daughter with his ex wife (nora) and the reason for the divorce was financial. but she told me he initiated after she got diagnosed with cancer. now cancer has come back and i feel sorry for her because she's a decent woman overall.
due to treatment schedule nora only gets visitation with my stepdaughter for now, my husband drives my stepdaughter to see her mom 2 days a week.
yesterday he came home saying nora wasn't home and he and my stepdaughter had to leave after waiting for an hour. he then went into the bedroom, stayed there for sometime then went out to visit his friend.
i was cleaning the bedroom and found a gold bracelet that looked familiar, i realized it belonged to nora as i'd seen her wear it before. i was confused i waited til he got home to ask him about it. his reaction wasn't good, he lashed out and took it out of my hand saying i shouldn't touch his personal stuff. i said this wasn't his stuff this is nora's, i asked if he took this bracelet behind her back and he said no, nora gave it to him so he could give it to their daughter once she's 20 in case something happens to nora. i don't know why but i didn't believe him, i told him i would call nora to ask her but he started yelling at me to stay out of his family business. we started arguing and i kept demanding he tell me how and why he got this bracelet. he refused to say anything first, then he admitted going into nora's room and taking it while she was out. i told him thus wasn't okay but he said this was his right after he spent money on her treatment before but never got his money back. i was shocked by this statement, they were married back then and he shouldn't expect to be repaid. i got mad and told him he has 1 day to return the bracelet or i'll tell nora and let her involve the authorities if she had to cause the bracelet looked heavy and pricey. he begged me to stay out of it but i refused. he said i was being malicious and should side with him not threaten him but i refused to negotiate anything, and i'm responsible for my word now. nora is a decent woman who's struggling and i feel like she should know she can't trust her own daughter's father in her home after this.
he said if i go through with this then this will ruin our relationship so badly but i said i'm still standing by my word. aita?
| 21,823 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tyc1h0/aita_for_giving_my_husband_one_day_to_return_the/
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2022-04-07 12:31:56
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nta.
but you have been given a gift by getting a glimpse of your future
is this what you want? is this how you want to be treated if you get sick like his ex?
again, nta. he's a cold-hearted asshole, a thief, and a liar.
i'd also tell nora to change her locks so he can't come in while she's out to steal things. this isn't the only thing he's taken, i guarantee it.
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nta
this is the hill, my friend. do not back down.
i don’t even know how a relationship recovers from this.
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nta. you seem weirdly attached to the idea that this matter only concerns nora & not you particularly. your husband doesn’t sound like a good person. he left a woman for financial reasons right she was diagnosed with an expensive life threatening illness. then he stole from her & lied to you about it. why are you married to a person who would do that? what does this tell you about how he might treat you someday?
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you’re married to a man who steals from a woman with cancer who is the mother of his child that he left because she got cancer
you want a relationship with this person??????
nta obviously
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1. he stole from a cancer patient.
2. he thinks he is entitled to do so because he helped said person pay for treatment when they were married.
3. he expected to be paid back for the money he spent on his spouse's medical treatment.
4. he lied to you.
5. he thinks his illegal actions dont affect you.
why are you giving him one day? call nora and give the bracelet back... i would really reconsider that relationship because he is likely going to treat you the same way if you get sick. nta.
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you say nora is a decent woman, and i believe you. i believe you because, clearly, you are a decent woman.
how the hell does a man who would steal from a cancer patient get two decent women to marry him?
nta. but lock up anything of yours you don't want to lose.
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nta - but...
you've seen what kind of person your husband is. why are you staying with him.
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nta.
what kind of man divorces a woman for having cancer?!
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nta... but you're married to someone who will dump you if you get cancer and then steal from you.
are you sure it's a wise choice to stay married to this horrible man?
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nta - now you know the reason for the divorce. your husband is the kind of man who will rob a woman with cancer.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: it's a bit complicated, so bear with me. i f34 have been with my husband m37 for 2 years, he has a 9 year old daughter with his ex wife (nora) and the reason for the divorce was financial. but she told me he initiated after she got diagnosed with cancer. now cancer has come back and i feel sorry for her because she's a decent woman overall. due to treatment schedule nora only gets visitation with my stepdaughter for now, my husband drives my stepdaughter to see her mom 2 days a week. yesterday he came home saying nora wasn't home and he and my stepdaughter had to leave after waiting for an hour. he then went into the bedroom, stayed there for sometime then went out to visit his friend. i was cleaning the bedroom and found a gold bracelet that looked familiar, i realized it belonged to nora as i'd seen her wear it before. i was confused i waited til he got home to ask him about it. his reaction wasn't good, he lashed out and took it out of my hand saying i shouldn't touch his personal stuff. i said this wasn't his stuff this is nora's, i asked if he took this bracelet behind her back and he said no, nora gave it to him so he could give it to their daughter once she's 20 in case something happens to nora. i don't know why but i didn't believe him, i told him i would call nora to ask her but he started yelling at me to stay out of his family business. we started arguing and i kept demanding he tell me how and why he got this bracelet. he refused to say anything first, then he admitted going into nora's room and taking it while she was out. i told him thus wasn't okay but he said this was his right after he spent money on her treatment before but never got his money back. i was shocked by this statement, they were married back then and he shouldn't expect to be repaid. i got mad and told him he has 1 day to return the bracelet or i'll tell nora and let her involve the authorities if she had to cause the bracelet looked heavy and pricey. he begged me to stay out of it but i refused. he said i was being malicious and should side with him not threaten him but i refused to negotiate anything, and i'm responsible for my word now. nora is a decent woman who's struggling and i feel like she should know she can't trust her own daughter's father in her home after this. he said if i go through with this then this will ruin our relationship so badly but i said i'm still standing by my word. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
it's a bit complicated, so bear with me. i f34 have been with my husband m37 for 2 years, he has a 9 year old daughter with his ex wife (nora) and the reason for the divorce was financial. but she told me he initiated after she got diagnosed with cancer. now cancer has come back and i feel sorry for her because she's a decent woman overall. due to treatment schedule nora only gets visitation with my stepdaughter for now, my husband drives my stepdaughter to see her mom 2 days a week. yesterday he came home saying nora wasn't home and he and my stepdaughter had to leave after waiting for an hour. he then went into the bedroom, stayed there for sometime then went out to visit his friend. i was cleaning the bedroom and found a gold bracelet that looked familiar, i realized it belonged to nora as i'd seen her wear it before. i was confused i waited til he got home to ask him about it. his reaction wasn't good, he lashed out and took it out of my hand saying i shouldn't touch his personal stuff. i said this wasn't his stuff this is nora's, i asked if he took this bracelet behind her back and he said no, nora gave it to him so he could give it to their daughter once she's 20 in case something happens to nora. i don't know why but i didn't believe him, i told him i would call nora to ask her but he started yelling at me to stay out of his family business. we started arguing and i kept demanding he tell me how and why he got this bracelet. he refused to say anything first, then he admitted going into nora's room and taking it while she was out. i told him thus wasn't okay but he said this was his right after he spent money on her treatment before but never got his money back. i was shocked by this statement, they were married back then and he shouldn't expect to be repaid. i got mad and told him he has 1 day to return the bracelet or i'll tell nora and let her involve the authorities if she had to cause the bracelet looked heavy and pricey. he begged me to stay out of it but i refused. he said i was being malicious and should side with him not threaten him but i refused to negotiate anything, and i'm responsible for my word now. nora is a decent woman who's struggling and i feel like she should know she can't trust her own daughter's father in her home after this. he said if i go through with this then this will ruin our relationship so badly but i said i'm still standing by my word. aita? [/INST] nta. but you have been given a gift by getting a glimpse of your future is this what you want? is this how you want to be treated if you get sick like his ex? again, nta. he's a cold-hearted asshole, a thief, and a liar. i'd also tell nora to change her locks so he can't come in while she's out to steal things. this isn't the only thing he's taken, i guarantee it. </s>
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AITA - For giving my husband only 3 days to return my jewelry set that he he gave his brother's wife as a wedding gift?
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i f36 have always been into jewelry. i used to own of variety of jewelry sets but due to unfortunate circumstances most of them had to go so i could afford rent after i lost my job. my husband never got lucky to land a job since 2013. thankfully now i have a stable job that gets us by from month to month.
i also kept one set of jewelry which is the most valuable wether momentarily and/or sentimentally since it's part of family herilom. the set includes a pair of earings - a bracelet and - a necklace. all gold material and again they are worth decent amount of money. my bil has been with then gilfriend for 10 years and they recently got married. it was a huge deal for the family. my husband wanted to get them a decent wedding gift and tried borrowing money from friends and neighbors but got turned down. he kept stressing out about it for weeks and just the other day (the wedding was days prior and the groom and bride are off to their honeymoon) i discovered that my jewelry set was gone. i freaked after my husband nonchantly said he gifted it to his brother's wife as a wedding gift. i was fuming i asked how could he and he replied that he had no money and nothing of value to give the newly weds and besides that that set has been sitting in the closet since july, 2019 and i never wore any piece of it so he figured i'd forgotten about it but he said he'll figure a way to pay me or get me a similar one once he starts working but i very loudly told him andolutely not and gave him 3 days, just 3 days to return the set or i'll stop paying for everything in the apartment. he looked puzzled like he couldn't believe i was serious. he said he doesn't want to cause an issue but i said it's already there and if he doesn't want issues all he has to do is contact his brother or his wife and retrieve the set or go get it himself. he tried to twist the argument and offer the same solutions as mentioned above but i refused i said i just want my set back and he has 3 days only. he kept talking about how tasteless and disrespectful it'd be for him to retreive a wedding gift and said this will damage his relationship with his brother and family and also how impossible it was to retreive the set in 3 days when the couple are on their honeymoon in another country.
aita for this? he said i was financially abusing him by threatening to stop paying for anything knowing i'm the breadwinner. also he refused to give me their new contact info to retreive the set myself.
| 23,269 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rldid7/aita_for_giving_my_husband_only_3_days_to_return/
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2021-12-21 12:19:42
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nta the financial abuser here is your husband. get the set back and kick him out anyway.
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nta, and the sad news is
i'm pretty sure your marriage is over.
how is your husband not able to find a job since 2013?
how is it possible to think gifting a family heirloom without consulting you would be a good idea?
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nta
jesus christ.
your husband is not "unlucky with a job" , he's actually a very lucky man that he found someone to mooch from and is not going to change this situation ever.
he doesn't want a job. he will never "repay you or buy you a new one when he gets a job". his whole life plan is to mooch off you forever.
please, find yourself a divorce lawyer. this guy is a dead weight on you and will never be a partner.
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nta.
first of all, your husband has been unemployed since 2013? tell him to get off his ass and get a job, any job. there is just no excuse to be unemployed for that long.
secondly, he must be missing more than a few brain cells if he thinks what he did was acceptable (it is not).
you have the power in the relationship. use it (and you have).
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nta
“he kept talking about how tasteless and disrespectful it’d be for him to retrieve a wedding gift...”
umm it’s way more tasteless and disrespectful to steal and give away your wife’s jewelry.
___
“he said i was financially abusing him...”
he has not had a job in almost 10 years and steals from you! if anyone is financially abusing you, it’s him for taking advantage for so long.
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nta, i'd have made him get in a car, go straight to your bil's place and ask it back there and then. what the fuck does he think he's doing gifting your stuff to other people without asking?
all this being said, be aware that if you're paying and your name is on bills and contracts etc. you could end up causing more trouble for yourself than for him. can you limit non payment to bills that have his name on them only and affect only him?
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nta.
wtf? your husband has crossed the line and didn’t even ask you? this isn’t how a partner acts. he has no right and this is low key stealing? that’s your property. your belongings. what gives him the right?
good. don’t pay for shit. i would have been so pissed and gifted all of his shit away too. what an ah.
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move your money into an account he has no access to. throw out a social media post that includes your in-laws family telling them that husband stole your family heirloom jewelry and gave it away to his brother without telling you. you want your heirloom jewelry back. husband has refused to ask for it back. until you get it back, husband has been kicked out of the house.
and follow through with divorce if husband does not bring back all the jewelry asap.
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please have him explain how he'll pay you back if he's got no income?
why and what happened and continues to happen that he hasn't worked since 2013? a bad 6 month spell, sure. even a year... but 7 or 8 years? wow. he is obviously reaping in the benefits of just you working. that's not a husband, that's an oversized child you have in your home. think about it, you pay for everything and he hasn't learned to communicate like a partner should and discuss finances with you. and he chose to just grab your things using logic of a 3 year old.
i'm deducing you don't speak with bil or his family much because you don't mention being at the wedding or knowing ahead of time about the "gift" but rather finding out until later.
you have deeper issues than the stolen jewelry. others have outlines it ( unemployment, consent, disregard for respect of property, communication issues, financial abuse etc) you need to reconsider why you are putting up with this. your passive writing style makes me think you're deeply bothered by many things in the relationship but you put up with it or don't know how to articulate it.
get the stolen jewelry back by filing a police report.
this will not be last time this happens since you've already had to lose the rest of your property due to sacrifices..what is your husband sacrificing?
if you continue with him, you'll need marriage therapy, a motivational class for him, some serious get his ass in gear stipulations - which by his reply.to your request makes it appear he won't agree to.
if you continue with him, you'll need a lawyer or financial advisor or both to ensure you have security and stability etc etc.
if you don't continue with him, get a lawyer and protect yourself and file for divorce. it's not an ugly word, it's a necessity for our well being sometimes. meaning, it's a step forwards - not backwards.
nta
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nta - he stole your jewelry set and if he had even thought he was in the right for a second, he would have asked your permission for it first. the fact that he didn't means that he was trying to get away with taking it, figuring it is better to ask for forgiveness and thinking you wouldn't demand something back from a newly wed that he gave as a gift.
your husband is a major ah.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i f36 have always been into jewelry. i used to own of variety of jewelry sets but due to unfortunate circumstances most of them had to go so i could afford rent after i lost my job. my husband never got lucky to land a job since 2013. thankfully now i have a stable job that gets us by from month to month. i also kept one set of jewelry which is the most valuable wether momentarily and/or sentimentally since it's part of family herilom. the set includes a pair of earings - a bracelet and - a necklace. all gold material and again they are worth decent amount of money. my bil has been with then gilfriend for 10 years and they recently got married. it was a huge deal for the family. my husband wanted to get them a decent wedding gift and tried borrowing money from friends and neighbors but got turned down. he kept stressing out about it for weeks and just the other day (the wedding was days prior and the groom and bride are off to their honeymoon) i discovered that my jewelry set was gone. i freaked after my husband nonchantly said he gifted it to his brother's wife as a wedding gift. i was fuming i asked how could he and he replied that he had no money and nothing of value to give the newly weds and besides that that set has been sitting in the closet since july, 2019 and i never wore any piece of it so he figured i'd forgotten about it but he said he'll figure a way to pay me or get me a similar one once he starts working but i very loudly told him andolutely not and gave him 3 days, just 3 days to return the set or i'll stop paying for everything in the apartment. he looked puzzled like he couldn't believe i was serious. he said he doesn't want to cause an issue but i said it's already there and if he doesn't want issues all he has to do is contact his brother or his wife and retrieve the set or go get it himself. he tried to twist the argument and offer the same solutions as mentioned above but i refused i said i just want my set back and he has 3 days only. he kept talking about how tasteless and disrespectful it'd be for him to retreive a wedding gift and said this will damage his relationship with his brother and family and also how impossible it was to retreive the set in 3 days when the couple are on their honeymoon in another country. aita for this? he said i was financially abusing him by threatening to stop paying for anything knowing i'm the breadwinner. also he refused to give me their new contact info to retreive the set myself.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i f36 have always been into jewelry. i used to own of variety of jewelry sets but due to unfortunate circumstances most of them had to go so i could afford rent after i lost my job. my husband never got lucky to land a job since 2013. thankfully now i have a stable job that gets us by from month to month. i also kept one set of jewelry which is the most valuable wether momentarily and/or sentimentally since it's part of family herilom. the set includes a pair of earings - a bracelet and - a necklace. all gold material and again they are worth decent amount of money. my bil has been with then gilfriend for 10 years and they recently got married. it was a huge deal for the family. my husband wanted to get them a decent wedding gift and tried borrowing money from friends and neighbors but got turned down. he kept stressing out about it for weeks and just the other day (the wedding was days prior and the groom and bride are off to their honeymoon) i discovered that my jewelry set was gone. i freaked after my husband nonchantly said he gifted it to his brother's wife as a wedding gift. i was fuming i asked how could he and he replied that he had no money and nothing of value to give the newly weds and besides that that set has been sitting in the closet since july, 2019 and i never wore any piece of it so he figured i'd forgotten about it but he said he'll figure a way to pay me or get me a similar one once he starts working but i very loudly told him andolutely not and gave him 3 days, just 3 days to return the set or i'll stop paying for everything in the apartment. he looked puzzled like he couldn't believe i was serious. he said he doesn't want to cause an issue but i said it's already there and if he doesn't want issues all he has to do is contact his brother or his wife and retrieve the set or go get it himself. he tried to twist the argument and offer the same solutions as mentioned above but i refused i said i just want my set back and he has 3 days only. he kept talking about how tasteless and disrespectful it'd be for him to retreive a wedding gift and said this will damage his relationship with his brother and family and also how impossible it was to retreive the set in 3 days when the couple are on their honeymoon in another country. aita for this? he said i was financially abusing him by threatening to stop paying for anything knowing i'm the breadwinner. also he refused to give me their new contact info to retreive the set myself. [/INST] nta the financial abuser here is your husband. get the set back and kick him out anyway. </s>
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AITA if I don't donate all or even part of my inheritance (about $725,000)? My cousin say's it's "blood money" and claims she's donating 100% of her share.
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using a throwaway since money is involved here. lots of background and doing my best to keep it under 3000 words.
i was born in south africa but emigrated when i was just a few months old so i am totally american. i come from a family of full on apartheid supporters and when it ended, basically everyone bailed for america. my parents and aunts and uncles eventually were educated and came around but my grandparents, while being very sweet and loving to me, were true believers in what apartheid stood for. they made a small fortune in south africa by literally investing and owning businesses in the apartheid era. to be totally fair, they also made a ton of money in the us, but still the money because they were white and well connected in south africa.
my grandmother died recently. she lived pretty lavishly up until the day she died in a very exclusive retirement home in socal so i figured there wouldn't be any money left and maybe i'd get some family heirlooms. my head about popped off when i saw the number me and my cousin will split (it's about $725,000 each). money that will literally change my life.
my parents business failed so i wasn't nearly as well off as my cousin. she's also now married, lives in rancho santa fe (google it if you aren't familiar) and will be just fine without this money. she claims she's going to donate 100% of it to charities in south africa. she is seriously chiding me that *if* i plan on keeping it, then i am taking advantage of blood money built on racism.
i have student loans i could pay off, i could actually have a down payment on a house, i could invest, i mean...i know where this money came from but it could literally mean my life would be better. i understand where it came from but i also can't possibly imagine giving it away. i have no idea what charities are like in south africa and family friends we have that still live there say that corruption has taken over everything from government to charities and i'm better off just keeping it.
i understand my cousins point but man is it hard to say goodbye to that much money that will change my life.
| 18,686 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bvb2rz/aita_if_i_dont_donate_all_or_even_part_of_my/
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2019-05-31 18:25:10
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nta your money your choice.
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nta. tell your cousin that if she cares so much, she can give you 725k, and then you'll donate your inheritance wherever she wants. by the way, she's only doing so well in life because of that "blood money". her lifestyle is only possible because her parents were wealthy and connected, and they were only wealthy and connected because of your awful grandparents. your parents messed up and it didn't trickle down as much to you as it did to her, but that doesn't make it any less true. grats on being able to climb out of debt when so many people in your generation won't be able to. don't forget how lucky you were, and don't waste the opportunities you have now.
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nta- buy that house! pay off those loans! change your life!
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[deleted]
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nta. your cousin is being ridiculous. does she know for a fact that every cent of that money was made directly off the back of apartheid? no hard work or frugality involved on the part of your grandparents?
unless that money literally comes from running the jail mandela was in i wouldn’t sweat any misplaced sense of guilt.
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i've been lurking on reddit forever and have never felt compelled to make an account until now. as someone who lives in south africa you are certainly nta for keeping the money, but you are almost as bad as your racist family members if you believe them when they say that "corruption has taken over everything from government to charities and i'm better off just keeping it". there are plenty of charities here that would put your money to excellent use.
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nta
it's easy for your cousin to give away her share of the inheritance because of her well off background, but this money could really help you and your family. your situation is entirely different and it's inconsiderate of your cousin to expect you to donate all of your inheritance when she doesn't fully understand the importance that amount of money can have for someone less fortunate than her.
you should be able to do what you'd like with your inheritance- it's not like you're going to spend it all on lavish things.
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nah. i respect your cousin's feelings, but she can afford to forego $350k and you can't.
it is blood money. but so is most of the money in america -- stolen from native americans, made on slave labor, made on businesses that trafficked in slave labor.
i would say get rid of your student loans, buy the house, and give some of it to worthy causes you find appropriate.
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nta, op.
your cousin has the luxury of being principled because her side of the family - also due to the racist system in south africa - had the advantage of immigrating to the us (not just something anyone can do) with enough money to do well here. she's also taking advantage of "blood money." this is just more blood money that she doesn't need that's a salve for her guilty conscience. that's fine, but she shouldn't be guilting you when the financial stakes are much higher for you.
you're not racist, you're not a supporter of apartheid, and i don't think it matters where the money came from as long as you aren't going to use it for nefarious purposes.
also, there's no reason *this* money has to be donated *right now*. you could invest most of it after paying off your student loans and then commit a portion of your income to charity from now on. and when you pull out money from your retirement accounts at the end of your life, you could donate a part of that. i would add: not being a burden to your children or your grandchildren in old age is a tremendous gift. i say this having recently lived through the consequences of my family members inadequately planning for retirement.
please don't give it away.
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nah- if your cousin think it's blood money and rather give it to a charity as repayment for what your family may have done or didn't do that is her money to do with.
if you rather keep it to pay of loans or invest it that's cool too.
on a personal note, i tend to agree with your cousin that it is "blood money built on racism" for what you have said in the story and in the comments. but that doesn't mean you can't do good things with it and invest in south african businesses to help people out.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.002566 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: using a throwaway since money is involved here. lots of background and doing my best to keep it under 3000 words. i was born in south africa but emigrated when i was just a few months old so i am totally american. i come from a family of full on apartheid supporters and when it ended, basically everyone bailed for america. my parents and aunts and uncles eventually were educated and came around but my grandparents, while being very sweet and loving to me, were true believers in what apartheid stood for. they made a small fortune in south africa by literally investing and owning businesses in the apartheid era. to be totally fair, they also made a ton of money in the us, but still the money because they were white and well connected in south africa. my grandmother died recently. she lived pretty lavishly up until the day she died in a very exclusive retirement home in socal so i figured there wouldn't be any money left and maybe i'd get some family heirlooms. my head about popped off when i saw the number me and my cousin will split (it's about $725,000 each). money that will literally change my life. my parents business failed so i wasn't nearly as well off as my cousin. she's also now married, lives in rancho santa fe (google it if you aren't familiar) and will be just fine without this money. she claims she's going to donate 100% of it to charities in south africa. she is seriously chiding me that *if* i plan on keeping it, then i am taking advantage of blood money built on racism. i have student loans i could pay off, i could actually have a down payment on a house, i could invest, i mean...i know where this money came from but it could literally mean my life would be better. i understand where it came from but i also can't possibly imagine giving it away. i have no idea what charities are like in south africa and family friends we have that still live there say that corruption has taken over everything from government to charities and i'm better off just keeping it. i understand my cousins point but man is it hard to say goodbye to that much money that will change my life.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
using a throwaway since money is involved here. lots of background and doing my best to keep it under 3000 words. i was born in south africa but emigrated when i was just a few months old so i am totally american. i come from a family of full on apartheid supporters and when it ended, basically everyone bailed for america. my parents and aunts and uncles eventually were educated and came around but my grandparents, while being very sweet and loving to me, were true believers in what apartheid stood for. they made a small fortune in south africa by literally investing and owning businesses in the apartheid era. to be totally fair, they also made a ton of money in the us, but still the money because they were white and well connected in south africa. my grandmother died recently. she lived pretty lavishly up until the day she died in a very exclusive retirement home in socal so i figured there wouldn't be any money left and maybe i'd get some family heirlooms. my head about popped off when i saw the number me and my cousin will split (it's about $725,000 each). money that will literally change my life. my parents business failed so i wasn't nearly as well off as my cousin. she's also now married, lives in rancho santa fe (google it if you aren't familiar) and will be just fine without this money. she claims she's going to donate 100% of it to charities in south africa. she is seriously chiding me that *if* i plan on keeping it, then i am taking advantage of blood money built on racism. i have student loans i could pay off, i could actually have a down payment on a house, i could invest, i mean...i know where this money came from but it could literally mean my life would be better. i understand where it came from but i also can't possibly imagine giving it away. i have no idea what charities are like in south africa and family friends we have that still live there say that corruption has taken over everything from government to charities and i'm better off just keeping it. i understand my cousins point but man is it hard to say goodbye to that much money that will change my life. [/INST] nta your money your choice. </s>
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AITA for not buying my GF a car?
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tl;dr: gf is a bad driver and totaled her car, now she wants me to buy her a very expensive car.
throwaway account, gf knows my reddit handle.
my (30m) gf (25f) wrecked and totaled her car last week, no injuries thankfully. she is a notoriously bad driver. she's been driving since she was 16 and this is the 3rd car that she's totaled (found at fault for all 3) and been involved with multiple other minor accidents.
a couple of days ago we left to take her to the dealership so that she can get another car and directs me to drive her to the porsche dealership as she's scheduled to test drive a brand new 2021 porsche convertible lol what? that's an obvious joke right? she tells me she's dead serious. she was just totaled an older model kia rio, why the sudden upgrade to a $200,000 car? i don't even drive a car that nice. an argument ensued from there.
i ask how she's planning on paying for that. she's a waitress at a very high end restaurant with big clientele so she's paid well, but business has been slow the last few months due to covid. she says obviously with my job we'd be able to afford it no problem. while it's true that it wouldn't break the bank, i told her i might as well light the money on fire with the way that she drives. i suggested she get a used non luxury brand and that if she can go a few years without an accident maybe then get the luxury car. a little more back and forth and neither of us feel like getting a car anymore so we go back home.
it's now been 3 days since the argument and she's been sleeping in the spare bedroom and barely talking to me. the friends we have in our group chat are split and some believe i'm the asshole and some belief gf is. so reddit, what's your verdict?
| 4,389 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i18g6o/aita_for_not_buying_my_gf_a_car/
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2020-07-31 14:28:23
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yta - for dating a woman who sees you as an atm. there had to be some red flags along the way before she demanded you buy her a $200k car. might want to reassess this relationship.
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nta for sure.
she expects you to purchase a car for her? fucking **what**???! she has enough money to get herself a used reliable car. how fucking entitled of her. she honestly aounds like a 16 year old girl on an episode of "my super sweet 16". that's some big red flags. she refuses to sleep with you because you won't buy her a luxury car. i don't thibk i, personally, could be in a relationship with someone who acted that way towards me over me not purchasing them a car. especially a luxury car. i'm in no way telling you to break up with her but i definetly think you should address to her about how big of a problem this is and maybe post this in r/relationships. that's a big issue shes acting like that.
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nta dude what?
>she says obviously with my job we'd be able to afford it no problem
uh, bye.
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nta, i can’t even begin to imagine the entitlement to ask a boyfriend, not even a spouse, to finance a car like that. has she always been bought a car? let her buy a car she can afford in her own name, and she be solely responsible for payments. maybe the driving will miraculously improve.
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nta. there are so many things wrong with this picture - her reckless behavior and her sense of entitlement being at the top of the list.
how dare she assume she can spend your money? even if the two of you were married, that car would be a huge ask. and selfish. if you have that kind of money to burn there are so many better ways to use it.
has she looked at the cost of insurance on that thing, given the price and her driving record? got to be through the roof. and with the economy the way it is right now, it's mind-boggling that she thinks this is a rational idea.
this whole thing is a huge red flag. you should have a serious talk with her and if she can't understand why her expectation is wrong, reconsider the relationship.
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nta. buy her a bicycle.
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nta. your gf is a spoiled brat.
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it's so clearly nta that i wouldn't normally comment but i don't think you can hear this enough: do not marry this person.
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dump her. and i mean now, right this instant. thank me in a few years.
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nta she needs to think straight, why does she think that you will pay for it if she will probably just ruin it. it almost sounds to me like she wants you for your money, why immediately go for a $200.000 car and then just casually say "oh but you will pay for it". it sounds really weird for me.
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: tl;dr: gf is a bad driver and totaled her car, now she wants me to buy her a very expensive car. throwaway account, gf knows my reddit handle. my (30m) gf (25f) wrecked and totaled her car last week, no injuries thankfully. she is a notoriously bad driver. she's been driving since she was 16 and this is the 3rd car that she's totaled (found at fault for all 3) and been involved with multiple other minor accidents. a couple of days ago we left to take her to the dealership so that she can get another car and directs me to drive her to the porsche dealership as she's scheduled to test drive a brand new 2021 porsche convertible lol what? that's an obvious joke right? she tells me she's dead serious. she was just totaled an older model kia rio, why the sudden upgrade to a $200,000 car? i don't even drive a car that nice. an argument ensued from there. i ask how she's planning on paying for that. she's a waitress at a very high end restaurant with big clientele so she's paid well, but business has been slow the last few months due to covid. she says obviously with my job we'd be able to afford it no problem. while it's true that it wouldn't break the bank, i told her i might as well light the money on fire with the way that she drives. i suggested she get a used non luxury brand and that if she can go a few years without an accident maybe then get the luxury car. a little more back and forth and neither of us feel like getting a car anymore so we go back home. it's now been 3 days since the argument and she's been sleeping in the spare bedroom and barely talking to me. the friends we have in our group chat are split and some believe i'm the asshole and some belief gf is. so reddit, what's your verdict?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
tl;dr: gf is a bad driver and totaled her car, now she wants me to buy her a very expensive car. throwaway account, gf knows my reddit handle. my (30m) gf (25f) wrecked and totaled her car last week, no injuries thankfully. she is a notoriously bad driver. she's been driving since she was 16 and this is the 3rd car that she's totaled (found at fault for all 3) and been involved with multiple other minor accidents. a couple of days ago we left to take her to the dealership so that she can get another car and directs me to drive her to the porsche dealership as she's scheduled to test drive a brand new 2021 porsche convertible lol what? that's an obvious joke right? she tells me she's dead serious. she was just totaled an older model kia rio, why the sudden upgrade to a $200,000 car? i don't even drive a car that nice. an argument ensued from there. i ask how she's planning on paying for that. she's a waitress at a very high end restaurant with big clientele so she's paid well, but business has been slow the last few months due to covid. she says obviously with my job we'd be able to afford it no problem. while it's true that it wouldn't break the bank, i told her i might as well light the money on fire with the way that she drives. i suggested she get a used non luxury brand and that if she can go a few years without an accident maybe then get the luxury car. a little more back and forth and neither of us feel like getting a car anymore so we go back home. it's now been 3 days since the argument and she's been sleeping in the spare bedroom and barely talking to me. the friends we have in our group chat are split and some believe i'm the asshole and some belief gf is. so reddit, what's your verdict? [/INST] yta - for dating a woman who sees you as an atm. there had to be some red flags along the way before she demanded you buy her a $200k car. might want to reassess this relationship. </s>
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AITA for telling my BIL that I wouldn’t sleep with him even if my life depended on it in front of his family and friends?
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i (24f) got proposed to 2 months ago. my fiancé jax (28m) has a younger brother jacob (23m) who i went to college with. when i was in college i slept around a lot and was pretty known for that. my fiancé knew this and so did his brother. jacob was a bit of a jokester so he liked to bring it up frequently. at family gatherings, birthdays, holidays, etc. my fiancé and his family often told him to stop when they saw i was uncomfortable with it. last night it was jacobs birthday dinner. me, my fiancé, a lot of his friends, and a few younger family members were there. jacob started getting more drunk and started cracking unfunny jokes. some included him saying how he was surprised i never took the chance to sleep with him in college. being fed up and a little bit drunk i told him i wouldn’t sleep with him if my life depended on it. he got pissed and kept silent. the dinner was awkward for the rest of the time. my fiancé said and some of his family said that i didn’t do anything wrong and they even have been waiting for me to tell him that. this morning i woke up to texts from jacobs friends telling me i’m a whore and a bitch. i don’t do anything wrong but my friend requested that i post this on here to get outside opinions.
| 18,584 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u3o6h2/aita_for_telling_my_bil_that_i_wouldnt_sleep_with/
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2022-04-14 18:36:47
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nta. he's mad because you didn't sleep with him.
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nta you're a whore for not wanting to sleep with your fiancé's brother?
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nta. he clearly wanted to sleep with you back then and is pissed off that he missed the chance to even try. he just wants to, i don't know, roll the blame over to you? like "if op just had realized i'm the perfect guy, we would be together" or something like that. but that is not your problem, it's his. and he has to deal with it.
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nta
“you used to be a whore!”
“i would never have sex with you”
cue tantrum.
send him a birthday card meant for an 8 year old. inside, write, “sorry i ruined your birthday and sorry you act like a child.”
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nta
someones salty 😂
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nta as you said in your post, you know you didn't do anything wrong. people that insult women for having too many partners are misogynists. his jokes, if you don't find them funny, are misogyny. you are not an ah for responding to that, certainly not how you responded. you could've emptier his beer on his head and not been the ah. idk why your partner hasn't told him to cut it out, maybe he doesn't want to seem like he has a problem with you having multiple partners in the past, which he shouldn't, but he should have a problem with his bro making jokes you don't like.
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nta. it’s creepy that the brother always brought it up in front of family - or at all. fuck jacob’s friends; lashing out at you bc you hurt their friend’s ego is pathetic.
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nta. your former promiscuity is your business. he was bullying you and got smacked down. all is right with the world. good luck!
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nta. he had it coming.
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nta and his “joking” like that is disturbing. to me it shows a complete lack of respect for you and also your fiancé. your past is where it should be, behind you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (24f) got proposed to 2 months ago. my fiancé jax (28m) has a younger brother jacob (23m) who i went to college with. when i was in college i slept around a lot and was pretty known for that. my fiancé knew this and so did his brother. jacob was a bit of a jokester so he liked to bring it up frequently. at family gatherings, birthdays, holidays, etc. my fiancé and his family often told him to stop when they saw i was uncomfortable with it. last night it was jacobs birthday dinner. me, my fiancé, a lot of his friends, and a few younger family members were there. jacob started getting more drunk and started cracking unfunny jokes. some included him saying how he was surprised i never took the chance to sleep with him in college. being fed up and a little bit drunk i told him i wouldn’t sleep with him if my life depended on it. he got pissed and kept silent. the dinner was awkward for the rest of the time. my fiancé said and some of his family said that i didn’t do anything wrong and they even have been waiting for me to tell him that. this morning i woke up to texts from jacobs friends telling me i’m a whore and a bitch. i don’t do anything wrong but my friend requested that i post this on here to get outside opinions.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (24f) got proposed to 2 months ago. my fiancé jax (28m) has a younger brother jacob (23m) who i went to college with. when i was in college i slept around a lot and was pretty known for that. my fiancé knew this and so did his brother. jacob was a bit of a jokester so he liked to bring it up frequently. at family gatherings, birthdays, holidays, etc. my fiancé and his family often told him to stop when they saw i was uncomfortable with it. last night it was jacobs birthday dinner. me, my fiancé, a lot of his friends, and a few younger family members were there. jacob started getting more drunk and started cracking unfunny jokes. some included him saying how he was surprised i never took the chance to sleep with him in college. being fed up and a little bit drunk i told him i wouldn’t sleep with him if my life depended on it. he got pissed and kept silent. the dinner was awkward for the rest of the time. my fiancé said and some of his family said that i didn’t do anything wrong and they even have been waiting for me to tell him that. this morning i woke up to texts from jacobs friends telling me i’m a whore and a bitch. i don’t do anything wrong but my friend requested that i post this on here to get outside opinions. [/INST] nta. he's mad because you didn't sleep with him. </s>
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AITA for using my wife’s shampoo and our good towels to wash our dogs?
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preface: i have a first world problem that the reddit masses get to weigh-in on, and it’s going to change the future of my marriage.
me (40’s m) and my wife (30’s f) have been together 17 years. we support each other well and have (mostly) resolved the petty disputes long ago. except for one…
more detail: we discovered early in our relationship that we operate best with very clear roles in our household. she picks up the house throughout the week, and i take off early every friday and clean the entire house.
i get to be kind of a messy dude for five days a week, and she walks into a perfectly clean house, sometimes with fresh flowers in the vase at the door.
we support each other on these tasks when needed, like, i’ll help clear dishes and the kitchen if she cooks during the week. she will fold all the laundry i have washed on friday if i do not get to it.
my intent of this preface is to let the reader know that we genuinely support each other…now…
aita: part of my weekly cleaning on friday is giving our two dogs a bath. it’s normally my last task, and i’m rushing before she gets home from work. admittedly, because i’m in a rush to have the house and dogs clean before she gets home, i will completely ignore other options and use her shampoo. also her good towels.
her nice shampoo. it’s not the $50 bottle that some people use, but i’m willing to admit it’s pretty good stuff. she hates the fact i do this.
i tell her that she could always pick it up at one of her trips out during the week, or i will personally go pick it up for her, if needed. i wash the laundry, so i can ensure the towels go through an extra wash if they still smell like dog.
she says it’s the principle: men have no idea how much concern it may cause a woman to be close to running out of their shampoo.
again, first world problems. my wife reviewed this post, and agrees to let reddit decide the direction we go on this argument.
tldr: when washing our two dogs, i’m going to use my wife’s nice shampoo and our good towels. aita?
| 3,759 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tvab6z/aita_for_using_my_wifes_shampoo_and_our_good/
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2022-04-03 14:19:04
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yta
there is absolutely no reason that you must use your wife's shampoo/towels for the dogs every week (especially since she's asked you not to), other than to **deliberately** piss her off/make some sort of power play. how hard is it to reach for some other shampoo?
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yta
it's one thing if you ran out of dog shampoo and didn't realize until the last minute so you used what you had on hand. but this a repeated occurence you said yourself that you are *ignoring* other options. and why? why is it easier to use your wife's shampoo/towels than dog shampoo/towels?
is it location? then move the dog shampoo/towels to they're easier to grab.
this is ridiculous.
and human shampoo can cause problems for dog skin when used repeatedly so yet another reason not to use your wife's shampoo.
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yta. aside from the fact that dog shampoo is better for your dogs' skin, you know this bothers your wife so why do you feel the need to do it?
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yta
where do i start.
* human shampoo is not good for doggos. use a doggo shampoo.
* using the human, good towels is gross. just buy a couple of cheap towels and 'voila - doggie towels
and just as importantly
* so how old were you and how old was your wife when you starting dating? ...
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yta. if you are willing to go out and buy your wife a replacement bottle of her good shampoo, why not just go out and buy dog shampoo instead? and while you're out buying the dog shampoo, why not also pick up a few towels that can be designated for the dogs after their baths?
seems kind of passive aggressive that you are going out of your way to purposely use your wife's good shampoo and towels on the dogs because she specifically asked you not to do that. also, do you ever use *your* shampoo and *your* towels on the dogs? why not?
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yta. are you seriously telling me you bathe your dogs with your wife's nice shampoo? why? just because you can't be arsed to get dog shampoo? huge asshole.
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yta. why your wife's? why not yours? i imagine it s just as easy to grab yours? so why be so petty as to grab her shampoo? because it is petty to always use hers and never yours. that takes deliberate choice and not just grabbing the closest over and over again.
plus you are likely drying out your dog's skin. dog shampoo won't completely strip the oils from their skin. and using the good towels? why?
go get dog shampoo and put it where you wash the dogs. take two towels and label them dog towels. then get some new towels to replace them.
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her shampoo could cost a dollar and it would not change the verdict. she has asked you to respect her things and you refuse yta
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yta. human shampoo actually isn't good for dogs because it's way too acidic and can really mess with their skin. it can make them itchy, cause rashes and other irritations. do better for your dogs and stop wasting your wife's shampoo.
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yta. your wife doesn’t want to smell like a dog, dude. buy some dog shampoo and a couple of cheap towels. keep them under the bathroom sink. why would you just intentionally annoy your spouse? wife: put your shampoo away on friday morning, and put out the dog shampoo and towels. make it a little bit harder for him to annoy you like this. teamwork can keep you from putting arsenic in each other’s oatmeal.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: preface: i have a first world problem that the reddit masses get to weigh-in on, and it’s going to change the future of my marriage. me (40’s m) and my wife (30’s f) have been together 17 years. we support each other well and have (mostly) resolved the petty disputes long ago. except for one… more detail: we discovered early in our relationship that we operate best with very clear roles in our household. she picks up the house throughout the week, and i take off early every friday and clean the entire house. i get to be kind of a messy dude for five days a week, and she walks into a perfectly clean house, sometimes with fresh flowers in the vase at the door. we support each other on these tasks when needed, like, i’ll help clear dishes and the kitchen if she cooks during the week. she will fold all the laundry i have washed on friday if i do not get to it. my intent of this preface is to let the reader know that we genuinely support each other…now… aita: part of my weekly cleaning on friday is giving our two dogs a bath. it’s normally my last task, and i’m rushing before she gets home from work. admittedly, because i’m in a rush to have the house and dogs clean before she gets home, i will completely ignore other options and use her shampoo. also her good towels. her nice shampoo. it’s not the $50 bottle that some people use, but i’m willing to admit it’s pretty good stuff. she hates the fact i do this. i tell her that she could always pick it up at one of her trips out during the week, or i will personally go pick it up for her, if needed. i wash the laundry, so i can ensure the towels go through an extra wash if they still smell like dog. she says it’s the principle: men have no idea how much concern it may cause a woman to be close to running out of their shampoo. again, first world problems. my wife reviewed this post, and agrees to let reddit decide the direction we go on this argument. tldr: when washing our two dogs, i’m going to use my wife’s nice shampoo and our good towels. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
preface: i have a first world problem that the reddit masses get to weigh-in on, and it’s going to change the future of my marriage. me (40’s m) and my wife (30’s f) have been together 17 years. we support each other well and have (mostly) resolved the petty disputes long ago. except for one… more detail: we discovered early in our relationship that we operate best with very clear roles in our household. she picks up the house throughout the week, and i take off early every friday and clean the entire house. i get to be kind of a messy dude for five days a week, and she walks into a perfectly clean house, sometimes with fresh flowers in the vase at the door. we support each other on these tasks when needed, like, i’ll help clear dishes and the kitchen if she cooks during the week. she will fold all the laundry i have washed on friday if i do not get to it. my intent of this preface is to let the reader know that we genuinely support each other…now… aita: part of my weekly cleaning on friday is giving our two dogs a bath. it’s normally my last task, and i’m rushing before she gets home from work. admittedly, because i’m in a rush to have the house and dogs clean before she gets home, i will completely ignore other options and use her shampoo. also her good towels. her nice shampoo. it’s not the $50 bottle that some people use, but i’m willing to admit it’s pretty good stuff. she hates the fact i do this. i tell her that she could always pick it up at one of her trips out during the week, or i will personally go pick it up for her, if needed. i wash the laundry, so i can ensure the towels go through an extra wash if they still smell like dog. she says it’s the principle: men have no idea how much concern it may cause a woman to be close to running out of their shampoo. again, first world problems. my wife reviewed this post, and agrees to let reddit decide the direction we go on this argument. tldr: when washing our two dogs, i’m going to use my wife’s nice shampoo and our good towels. aita? [/INST] yta there is absolutely no reason that you must use your wife's shampoo/towels for the dogs every week (especially since she's asked you not to), other than to **deliberately** piss her off/make some sort of power play. how hard is it to reach for some other shampoo? </s>
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AITA for letting my child cuss at an old woman?
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my husband is staying with his mother. both are in isolation. thank goodness my kids, and i are -.
i had to do an emergency grocery run because the delivery in my area was backed up. i took my kiddos: 5, 8, 12 with me.
8 is on the spectrum and has trouble in places like grocery stores. i gave him an ipad with cellular and over the ear headphones. he should be good to go. he doesn’t like loud noises or strangers touching him.
while in line, 12 is a lot of help with his brothers, so he’s trying to help me with 5 throwing junk food in the cart.
i decided to go to the cashier's checkout, and then the line was long.
8 is good. just chilling watching his cartoons with his headphones.
until this old lady behind us is upset over something. i’m ignoring her, but 12 grabs me and says i think we have an issue.
the lady starts going on about kids today and technology. she is trying to get 8 attention. i don’t want to startle him, so 12 moves between them. but 5 is looking at more cookies.
the old woman told me my kids were rude, ignoring her.
she taps on my 8 year old, and i pull him aside. he looks up from his ipad and takes his headphones off to see if something is wrong. i’m trying to get his headphones back on, and the old woman says these types of things are for at home only, and i need to teach my kids to interact in public.
she tells 8 he’s old enough to know better than to act like this, scolding him. loudly publicly and in the middle of the store.
8 starts to cry, the first sign of a meltdown with him.
12 turns to the old woman and says, “you stupid bitch he’s autistic.” while i usually would tell 12 off because i have more issues to deal with.
the old lady wants to talk to security and starts making a scene about my kids screaming they called her a bitch.
i finally leave a full cart of food there and leaves
security tried to stop me, saying i had to get 8 to the car. he has autism, and he’s going to have a major meltdown.
12 talks to security and tells him about the old lady in line.
| 19,141 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s2cmob/aita_for_letting_my_child_cuss_at_an_old_woman/
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2022-01-12 18:03:35
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nta. the end of this story better be, “and then i took 12 for ice cream.”
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nta. she was a pushy nosy broad who never learned to mind her own business. getting told off by a 12 year old was the least she deserved. have a talk with 12 about his language if you feel so inclined but otherwise he's fine
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nta, wow your 12 year old is a superstar brother. you should name and shame this store imo, they deserve the public censure.
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nta - as a fellow autistic mother of a boy you handled this way better then i would have , how dare this woman 1. touch your child ( during a pandemic) , 2. lecture you on what your children are doing and how your children should be acting people need to mind their business and keep their hands to themselves she was 100% wrong
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i'd say the fact that 8 has autism is irrelevant to this story in the sense that the old lady had no business being in your or your kids business full stop. she didn't need to know why 8 had headphones, it's none of her f*ing business. so nta so many times and yay to 12, an excellent and appropriate use of language is what i would call that. i hope you managed to get some groceries in the end and some calm time at-home and together
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nta lmao i like 12
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nta-12 sounds like a great sibling ❤️
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nta . this situation is a perfect example of how entitled and toxic boomers can be . the lady had no right starting drama over something that did not include her at all. as for your 12 year old, i believe him swearing was only a product of his anger upon witnessing how harshly this old lady was treating his autistic brother and he expressed it . he only wanted to defend his brother.
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nta
and 12 isn’t either… like even if your kid wasn’t in the spectrum, what is this lady on about?
“your kids are minding their own business and not engaging with life the way that i would like them to, so allow me to butt in and impose myself on then and your parenting with an opinion no one asked for.”
i hate people like this. now if your kids were running around throwing things, screaming, etc maybe then i could see butting in, but honestly your post had them appear relatively well behaved, even the 5 year old who was doing 5 year old shenanigans trying to grab all the junk food.
when i see anyone with headphones in my first instinct is “leave them alone” i don’t care how old they are.
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nta. the old woman has never learned how to mind her own business.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband is staying with his mother. both are in isolation. thank goodness my kids, and i are -. i had to do an emergency grocery run because the delivery in my area was backed up. i took my kiddos: 5, 8, 12 with me. 8 is on the spectrum and has trouble in places like grocery stores. i gave him an ipad with cellular and over the ear headphones. he should be good to go. he doesn’t like loud noises or strangers touching him. while in line, 12 is a lot of help with his brothers, so he’s trying to help me with 5 throwing junk food in the cart. i decided to go to the cashier's checkout, and then the line was long. 8 is good. just chilling watching his cartoons with his headphones. until this old lady behind us is upset over something. i’m ignoring her, but 12 grabs me and says i think we have an issue. the lady starts going on about kids today and technology. she is trying to get 8 attention. i don’t want to startle him, so 12 moves between them. but 5 is looking at more cookies. the old woman told me my kids were rude, ignoring her. she taps on my 8 year old, and i pull him aside. he looks up from his ipad and takes his headphones off to see if something is wrong. i’m trying to get his headphones back on, and the old woman says these types of things are for at home only, and i need to teach my kids to interact in public. she tells 8 he’s old enough to know better than to act like this, scolding him. loudly publicly and in the middle of the store. 8 starts to cry, the first sign of a meltdown with him. 12 turns to the old woman and says, “you stupid bitch he’s autistic.” while i usually would tell 12 off because i have more issues to deal with. the old lady wants to talk to security and starts making a scene about my kids screaming they called her a bitch. i finally leave a full cart of food there and leaves security tried to stop me, saying i had to get 8 to the car. he has autism, and he’s going to have a major meltdown. 12 talks to security and tells him about the old lady in line.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband is staying with his mother. both are in isolation. thank goodness my kids, and i are -. i had to do an emergency grocery run because the delivery in my area was backed up. i took my kiddos: 5, 8, 12 with me. 8 is on the spectrum and has trouble in places like grocery stores. i gave him an ipad with cellular and over the ear headphones. he should be good to go. he doesn’t like loud noises or strangers touching him. while in line, 12 is a lot of help with his brothers, so he’s trying to help me with 5 throwing junk food in the cart. i decided to go to the cashier's checkout, and then the line was long. 8 is good. just chilling watching his cartoons with his headphones. until this old lady behind us is upset over something. i’m ignoring her, but 12 grabs me and says i think we have an issue. the lady starts going on about kids today and technology. she is trying to get 8 attention. i don’t want to startle him, so 12 moves between them. but 5 is looking at more cookies. the old woman told me my kids were rude, ignoring her. she taps on my 8 year old, and i pull him aside. he looks up from his ipad and takes his headphones off to see if something is wrong. i’m trying to get his headphones back on, and the old woman says these types of things are for at home only, and i need to teach my kids to interact in public. she tells 8 he’s old enough to know better than to act like this, scolding him. loudly publicly and in the middle of the store. 8 starts to cry, the first sign of a meltdown with him. 12 turns to the old woman and says, “you stupid bitch he’s autistic.” while i usually would tell 12 off because i have more issues to deal with. the old lady wants to talk to security and starts making a scene about my kids screaming they called her a bitch. i finally leave a full cart of food there and leaves security tried to stop me, saying i had to get 8 to the car. he has autism, and he’s going to have a major meltdown. 12 talks to security and tells him about the old lady in line. [/INST] nta. the end of this story better be, “and then i took 12 for ice cream.” </s>
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AITA for refusing to change out of my bikini to save my niece's feelings?
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my husband assures me that i'm not ta, and i agreed at the time but now i feel a bit guilty because i don't want to upset anyone, a child least of all.
since i've been home more for quarantine i marie-kondo'd my closet, which means getting rid of all of my old bathing suits (they all lost elasticity or were worn out) except for one - this is relevant later.
this past weekend we had a small family gathering at our house because its hot and we have a pool (and quarantine limitations had been lifted in our area a while ago so we finally decided to get together for the first time in 3 months). my husbands parents, his brother and wife (sil), and their 2 kids, niece 9f and nephew 6m came over.
so we're all in the backyard bbqing and getting ready to swim. i change into my swimwear and come outside and start applying sunscreen. sil rushes over to me and pulls me aside and asks that i cover up or change into something less revealing like a 1-piece as niece has been sensitive lately and dealing with some body image issues regarding feeling fat (she's not). i tell her that regrettably this is the only swimsuit i have anymore due to cleaning out my closet and i plan on swimming as it was sweltering hot, but after my sunscreen dries i'd be happy to throw something on over my swimsuit until i'm actually in the water.
she then asked me if i could just go inside then at least until the sunscreen soaks in and come out covered up. i was like uh no? i'm not going to hide in my home for 30+ mins while we have company over that we haven't seen in 3 months. sil says it will hurt niece to see me in a 2-piece because of my "unrealistic body image". i tell her there's nothing unrealistic about me because i'm a real person so i don't even know what that means, and i'm sure niece will be fine for only 30 mins. i also said that while i sympathize with body image issues as i've dealt with them in the past myself, it's probably not helping to just shelter her from seeing people's bodies and maybe work on body positivity instead. she says i don't understand because i don't have kids. so i sit in the shade to apply sunscreen and let it soak in and she takes niece inside for over half an hour before coming back out.
i don't know if i'm in the wrong here, maybe i could have just gone inside for a while to spare my niece's feelings but at the same time i feel like i shouldn't have to hide my body - and at my own house for that matter. and it was just a 2-piece, it wasn't like really booby or revealing - the top was high-cut kinda like a sports bra and the bottoms were normal bikini cut, they weren't like a thong bottom or anything. i didn't notice that niece was upset but sil definitely was, maybe niece was just hiding her feelings? i don't want to add to her body image issues and feel kinda bad now reflecting on it in case i made her feel bad. aita?
| 20,869 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ho4td0/aita_for_refusing_to_change_out_of_my_bikini_to/
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2020-07-09 15:13:26
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nta.
your house, your body. if someone has a problem with it, they're welcome to leave.
> i didn't notice that niece was upset but sil definitely was, maybe niece was just hiding her feelings?
i have a feeling that the niece isn't the one with the body-image problems.
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nta. i'd bet good money that sil actually has insecurity/jealousy issues and is using your niece as an excuse to project them.
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nta but i wonder if sil's action actually contribute to your niece's problems. kids are aware of more going on around them that what parents give them credit for. so niece probably knows her mom is talking about niece's "problem" which will create or exacerbate the problem.
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[removed]
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nta
1.) it is your house and you shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home
2.) sil is making her child’s body image issues worse, i guarantee it. kids are hyper aware of their mother’s behaviors and the sil seems like she is intensifying the body image issue by openly suggesting you have a body she cannot obtain.
3.) sil should be focusing on uplifting her daughter, not sheltering. what happens when they go to the beach? what happens when she hears her mom say things about thinner women such as “that isn’t healthy” “that isn’t obtainable” because to me, from this post, that is the direction she is heading.
anyways, you’re not the asshole. it was nice of you to even throw a cover up on.
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nta. your sil is doing a disservice to your niece by attempting to shelter her from your (real and valid) body type.
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nta. expecting anybody to cover up because their child is insecure is fucking mental lmao
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nta - sadly, our society is full of unrealistic body images for women and it’s pretty much inescapable. your real life body isn’t an example of this. it’s unreasonable that your sil expects you to remove yourself as a solution. there’s a whole list of ways she can help her daughter and you can be supportive - having discussions about airbrushing, healthy eating habits, not talking about diets, etc. but not letting her daughter see real life human beings is not a solution. your sil knows this. there’s no way she’d ask strangers to cover up at a public pool, she’d find a diff solution.
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nta your sil was out of line. it’s possible that your niece has expressed feeling inadequate or even mentioned you as someone with a level of attractiveness she feels she can’t match, but the answer to that isn’t for you to change your clothes. it’s is, as you said, to help niece learn to love and appreciate herself.
edit to add: my problems with eating and self confidence didn’t come from seeing my slim cousins or friends. it came from adults commenting on the differences between my body and theirs, both men and women, though the most notable might have been a male relative who ranked the female cousins by his perception of how attractive (read: skinny) we were
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i guess i'm going against the grain a bit by saying nah.
the top rated comments keep painting sil as the jealous one, projecting their insecurities onto their daughter... but unless you (op) update with more info to suggest that your sister has been jealous of you in the past, i don't think it is necessarily fair that we all assume it.
we consider 9 to be young, but this is a super common age for body image issues to start, since puberty is starting for some girls around this age. the "insecurity" could be related to bullying at school. there is no reason the niece would feel comfortable telling you she's upset or being bullied etc... so unless you were given a good reason you didn't tell us, you should trust her mom / your sister that this is real.
now again, it is your house and you had limited alternative options, but i don't fault a mother for trying to protect her daughter from feeling upset. i don't want to assume she was doing it out of malicious intent because the story, on its surface, seems perfectly plausible and i don't know why we on reddit need to immediately vilify a parent and assume she's a liar. i think a happy medium was reached either way.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband assures me that i'm not ta, and i agreed at the time but now i feel a bit guilty because i don't want to upset anyone, a child least of all. since i've been home more for quarantine i marie-kondo'd my closet, which means getting rid of all of my old bathing suits (they all lost elasticity or were worn out) except for one - this is relevant later. this past weekend we had a small family gathering at our house because its hot and we have a pool (and quarantine limitations had been lifted in our area a while ago so we finally decided to get together for the first time in 3 months). my husbands parents, his brother and wife (sil), and their 2 kids, niece 9f and nephew 6m came over. so we're all in the backyard bbqing and getting ready to swim. i change into my swimwear and come outside and start applying sunscreen. sil rushes over to me and pulls me aside and asks that i cover up or change into something less revealing like a 1-piece as niece has been sensitive lately and dealing with some body image issues regarding feeling fat (she's not). i tell her that regrettably this is the only swimsuit i have anymore due to cleaning out my closet and i plan on swimming as it was sweltering hot, but after my sunscreen dries i'd be happy to throw something on over my swimsuit until i'm actually in the water. she then asked me if i could just go inside then at least until the sunscreen soaks in and come out covered up. i was like uh no? i'm not going to hide in my home for 30+ mins while we have company over that we haven't seen in 3 months. sil says it will hurt niece to see me in a 2-piece because of my "unrealistic body image". i tell her there's nothing unrealistic about me because i'm a real person so i don't even know what that means, and i'm sure niece will be fine for only 30 mins. i also said that while i sympathize with body image issues as i've dealt with them in the past myself, it's probably not helping to just shelter her from seeing people's bodies and maybe work on body positivity instead. she says i don't understand because i don't have kids. so i sit in the shade to apply sunscreen and let it soak in and she takes niece inside for over half an hour before coming back out. i don't know if i'm in the wrong here, maybe i could have just gone inside for a while to spare my niece's feelings but at the same time i feel like i shouldn't have to hide my body - and at my own house for that matter. and it was just a 2-piece, it wasn't like really booby or revealing - the top was high-cut kinda like a sports bra and the bottoms were normal bikini cut, they weren't like a thong bottom or anything. i didn't notice that niece was upset but sil definitely was, maybe niece was just hiding her feelings? i don't want to add to her body image issues and feel kinda bad now reflecting on it in case i made her feel bad. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband assures me that i'm not ta, and i agreed at the time but now i feel a bit guilty because i don't want to upset anyone, a child least of all. since i've been home more for quarantine i marie-kondo'd my closet, which means getting rid of all of my old bathing suits (they all lost elasticity or were worn out) except for one - this is relevant later. this past weekend we had a small family gathering at our house because its hot and we have a pool (and quarantine limitations had been lifted in our area a while ago so we finally decided to get together for the first time in 3 months). my husbands parents, his brother and wife (sil), and their 2 kids, niece 9f and nephew 6m came over. so we're all in the backyard bbqing and getting ready to swim. i change into my swimwear and come outside and start applying sunscreen. sil rushes over to me and pulls me aside and asks that i cover up or change into something less revealing like a 1-piece as niece has been sensitive lately and dealing with some body image issues regarding feeling fat (she's not). i tell her that regrettably this is the only swimsuit i have anymore due to cleaning out my closet and i plan on swimming as it was sweltering hot, but after my sunscreen dries i'd be happy to throw something on over my swimsuit until i'm actually in the water. she then asked me if i could just go inside then at least until the sunscreen soaks in and come out covered up. i was like uh no? i'm not going to hide in my home for 30+ mins while we have company over that we haven't seen in 3 months. sil says it will hurt niece to see me in a 2-piece because of my "unrealistic body image". i tell her there's nothing unrealistic about me because i'm a real person so i don't even know what that means, and i'm sure niece will be fine for only 30 mins. i also said that while i sympathize with body image issues as i've dealt with them in the past myself, it's probably not helping to just shelter her from seeing people's bodies and maybe work on body positivity instead. she says i don't understand because i don't have kids. so i sit in the shade to apply sunscreen and let it soak in and she takes niece inside for over half an hour before coming back out. i don't know if i'm in the wrong here, maybe i could have just gone inside for a while to spare my niece's feelings but at the same time i feel like i shouldn't have to hide my body - and at my own house for that matter. and it was just a 2-piece, it wasn't like really booby or revealing - the top was high-cut kinda like a sports bra and the bottoms were normal bikini cut, they weren't like a thong bottom or anything. i didn't notice that niece was upset but sil definitely was, maybe niece was just hiding her feelings? i don't want to add to her body image issues and feel kinda bad now reflecting on it in case i made her feel bad. aita? [/INST] nta. your house, your body. if someone has a problem with it, they're welcome to leave. > i didn't notice that niece was upset but sil definitely was, maybe niece was just hiding her feelings? i have a feeling that the niece isn't the one with the body-image problems. </s>
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AITA for trying to "force" my step son to move out of his bedroom so my daughter can move in?
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i have never used this site before but my daughter uses it pretty regularly and suggested that i post here.
i have a daughter and a stepson who i will call carly and kyle \[carly-15 & kyle-18\]. they have never been particularly close. kyle tends to avoid myself and carly like the plague, he hasn't bothered ever trying to build a relationship with us.
i have been with kyle's dad since the kids were 10 & 13. due to some personal troubles which i'll not go to into detail about, kyle stays with his dad though his mother will visit fairly regularly and they are in constant contact. she, of course, believes me to be the asshole in this situation.
kyle has stayed in the attic since i knew him. his parents had the attic converted into a proper bedroom for him when he was around 9 or 10. it is an absolutely stunning room. plenty of space, nice furniture and it is currently inhabited by several dressmaking dummies as he is studying fashion at university.
lately, carly has asked me if she can stay with me full time. she and her dad are just not getting on and she'd prefer living with me. her dad is absolutely fine with this as he was never really good with her in the first place. this means that the majority of carly's things will be at our place. she has a lot more things than kyle and would most likely need more space. that's why i thought it'd be a better idea to have kyle move into carly's slightly smaller bedroom downstairs and carly can move into the attic bedroom. i even offered to pay for whatever kyle wants for his new bedroom \[regarding wallpaper, paint, posters etc.\] as i know it is a bit of a change for him.
kyle is not a fan of the idea and has been complaining about how he needs the space to work on his uni projects. i told him that he is more than welcome to use the dining room as we rarely ever use it and we can clean out one of the storage cupboards to store the dummies in. kyle's partner is also not a fan of this though i am almost 100 percent sure that this is just because in the attic bedroom, they can do what teenagers do without interruption. i think that kyle is being a bit over dramatic about this as i'm not kicking him out into the street, just into a smaller bedroom, which i have offered to decorate for him.
his father is not completely sold on the idea but is slowly coming around. he also thinks that kyle is being a bit dramatic regarding the room situation. kyle's mother and girlfriend and of course kyle himself, all think that i'm being an asshole.
am i the asshole?
| 6,148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jtlmfq/aita_for_trying_to_force_my_step_son_to_move_out/
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2020-11-13 18:48:39
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yta, you can't kick him out cause want your daughter to have his room. you give her what's available. such a terrible thing you're trying to do.
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yta. that has been his room for years, now you wanna favor your own child.
this is his space, he needs it for his studies. all of his points are valid. you're playing favorites and wanting to give your daughter the bigger room.
your reasoning makes zero sense.
"oh she has more things" but then go "well he can store his stuff downstairs."
yeah, so can she.
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yta. this is kyle's personal space. it's what he knows, it's where he feels comfortable and safe. you're taking that away from him to give it to your daughter. you say that you're not close? i'm not surprised, there's obvious favouritism here, and it's just going to drive an even larger wedge between everyone.
put your daughter in the smaller room, leave kyle his own space and freedom. and if she has too much stuff, she either needs to get rid of it, or those storage cupboards can be cleared out and the dining room utilised for her instead.
it's his house. she's the newcomer. he shouldn't have to have his life upended so she can be more comfortable. i'm guessing you have the master bedroom? how about your give that up for your daughter instead?
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yta and i can’t believe you even have to ask. why should your stepson have to move out of a bedroom that was specifically converted for him and has been his bedroom since he was a child? just because your 15-year-old has a lot of “stuff”? put her stuff in the storage cupboards, let your stepson continue having the space he needs to do his schoolwork, and try to be less obvious in future about which of your kids you favor.
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yta. the same solution of dining room and storage space can be given to carly. why make kyle move?
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yta.
i can’t help but feel that had the roles been reversed (kyle was staying with his other parent and wanted to move into your home, and your daughter was living with you and had the attic bedroom) that you wouldn’t ask your daughter to move out of her room and into the smaller bedroom to accommodate kyle and his things. he’s been in that bedroom for half his life, i’m sure he’d be annoyed to have to move bedrooms. i’m sure being a teenager and wanting privacy with his gf is a big part as well. i also do believe that he’s probably being dramatic about it, but if you put yourself in his shoes, you couldn’t have thought he’d just be elated with the idea. especially if he’s not super friendly with you and your daughter. i think that it’s wrong to move him out of his childhood bedroom to accommodate your daughter. and it doesn’t seem fair, since he was there first, and he’s older, and in households with kids, the older child usually has the bigger room anyways. i understand you wanting the best for your biological daughter, but i think kyle has every right to not like this idea. and i’d fight to keep my space too.
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yta. hopefully carly reads this post and realizes that while she has a lot of stuff, she'd be really hurt if she had to give up her room for another person.
it's his room. it doesn't matter that a decade ago he lived in the other room. he lives in the attic now. since he's 18, you could consider asking for rent but that means he literally gets to keep the space and you have to stay out of it.
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yta
this has been his room since before you moved there and was specifically converted into a room for him by his parents. this room has nothing to do with you.
he is older than your daughter and since he has a partner he does have the right to privacy with them. also? why would you not want them to do “what teenagers do” without interruption, have you been wanting to interrupt them?
if you have been playing favourites like this since you came into his life then i am not surprised that he doesn’t want to have much to do with you.
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yta. evil step mom vibes tbh
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yta it’s his room in his home and you don’t get to toss him out because you think your kid should have the bigger room.
it was his home first.
respect that
also this is why he avoids you
because your entitled and dismissive of him
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have never used this site before but my daughter uses it pretty regularly and suggested that i post here. i have a daughter and a stepson who i will call carly and kyle \[carly-15 & kyle-18\]. they have never been particularly close. kyle tends to avoid myself and carly like the plague, he hasn't bothered ever trying to build a relationship with us. i have been with kyle's dad since the kids were 10 & 13. due to some personal troubles which i'll not go to into detail about, kyle stays with his dad though his mother will visit fairly regularly and they are in constant contact. she, of course, believes me to be the asshole in this situation. kyle has stayed in the attic since i knew him. his parents had the attic converted into a proper bedroom for him when he was around 9 or 10. it is an absolutely stunning room. plenty of space, nice furniture and it is currently inhabited by several dressmaking dummies as he is studying fashion at university. lately, carly has asked me if she can stay with me full time. she and her dad are just not getting on and she'd prefer living with me. her dad is absolutely fine with this as he was never really good with her in the first place. this means that the majority of carly's things will be at our place. she has a lot more things than kyle and would most likely need more space. that's why i thought it'd be a better idea to have kyle move into carly's slightly smaller bedroom downstairs and carly can move into the attic bedroom. i even offered to pay for whatever kyle wants for his new bedroom \[regarding wallpaper, paint, posters etc.\] as i know it is a bit of a change for him. kyle is not a fan of the idea and has been complaining about how he needs the space to work on his uni projects. i told him that he is more than welcome to use the dining room as we rarely ever use it and we can clean out one of the storage cupboards to store the dummies in. kyle's partner is also not a fan of this though i am almost 100 percent sure that this is just because in the attic bedroom, they can do what teenagers do without interruption. i think that kyle is being a bit over dramatic about this as i'm not kicking him out into the street, just into a smaller bedroom, which i have offered to decorate for him. his father is not completely sold on the idea but is slowly coming around. he also thinks that kyle is being a bit dramatic regarding the room situation. kyle's mother and girlfriend and of course kyle himself, all think that i'm being an asshole. am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have never used this site before but my daughter uses it pretty regularly and suggested that i post here. i have a daughter and a stepson who i will call carly and kyle \[carly-15 & kyle-18\]. they have never been particularly close. kyle tends to avoid myself and carly like the plague, he hasn't bothered ever trying to build a relationship with us. i have been with kyle's dad since the kids were 10 & 13. due to some personal troubles which i'll not go to into detail about, kyle stays with his dad though his mother will visit fairly regularly and they are in constant contact. she, of course, believes me to be the asshole in this situation. kyle has stayed in the attic since i knew him. his parents had the attic converted into a proper bedroom for him when he was around 9 or 10. it is an absolutely stunning room. plenty of space, nice furniture and it is currently inhabited by several dressmaking dummies as he is studying fashion at university. lately, carly has asked me if she can stay with me full time. she and her dad are just not getting on and she'd prefer living with me. her dad is absolutely fine with this as he was never really good with her in the first place. this means that the majority of carly's things will be at our place. she has a lot more things than kyle and would most likely need more space. that's why i thought it'd be a better idea to have kyle move into carly's slightly smaller bedroom downstairs and carly can move into the attic bedroom. i even offered to pay for whatever kyle wants for his new bedroom \[regarding wallpaper, paint, posters etc.\] as i know it is a bit of a change for him. kyle is not a fan of the idea and has been complaining about how he needs the space to work on his uni projects. i told him that he is more than welcome to use the dining room as we rarely ever use it and we can clean out one of the storage cupboards to store the dummies in. kyle's partner is also not a fan of this though i am almost 100 percent sure that this is just because in the attic bedroom, they can do what teenagers do without interruption. i think that kyle is being a bit over dramatic about this as i'm not kicking him out into the street, just into a smaller bedroom, which i have offered to decorate for him. his father is not completely sold on the idea but is slowly coming around. he also thinks that kyle is being a bit dramatic regarding the room situation. kyle's mother and girlfriend and of course kyle himself, all think that i'm being an asshole. am i the asshole? [/INST] yta, you can't kick him out cause want your daughter to have his room. you give her what's available. such a terrible thing you're trying to do. </s>
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AITA for convincing my girlfriend NOT to wear a white dress on our wedding day?
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so me (32m) and my soon to be wife (23f) are planing to get married in a few months.
i come from a very religious house hold with strong cristian beliefs and one of the traditions in my family is if the woman getting married isn’t still a virgin they shouldn’t wear a white dress on their wedding day.
my family knows my soon to be wife wasn’t a virgin when i met her because my mom asked me when i started dating her if she was pure, and i was honest and told her she had boyfriends before she met me.
my wife was really upset when i asked her if she could wear a coloured dress on our wedding day but she agreed, so we’re looking at getting glittery blue dress instead.
now she’s saying she won’t marry me because she’s too humiliated by the whole situation, but i really don’t see how it’s a big deal. aita?
| 12,002 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k8u666/aita_for_convincing_my_girlfriend_not_to_wear_a/
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2020-12-08 01:13:25
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yta. for a dude marrying a girl nearly a decade younger, you sure are worried about what mommy thinks.
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yta. i am a 65 year old christian grandmother and that is an unkind, judgemental and controlling thing for you to do. truly it is spirit crushing to hear when people pretend that this kind of finger-pointing idea is christian in nature. he makes all things new. if you want to love and honor her as your wife ask her forgiveness and god's for being unkind and encourage her to choose whatever dress she wants.
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info: are you a virgin? if not, what will you be wearing on your wedding day to signify how you've been tainted?
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yta. way to humiliate your wife over something she has no reason to be ashamed of. also fun fact: brides in western cultures started wearing white because queen victoria did as a fashion statement not to symbolize their “pureness”
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yta i can’t believe you’re trying to publicly shame her on your wedding day. are you a virgin? should you wear something on to identify your shame?! she should run!
wow, thanks for the rewards!
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yta big time. i’m a christian and i’d like to remind you that jesus turned sins that were like scarlet into white as snow. he who is without sin may cast the first stone. if you have a problem with her past, don’t marry her. that’s super messed up on so many levels dude. it’s a dress.... and it’s her dress. she can wear whatever color she wants. you should support her and not judge her.
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yta. that is humiliating. one- the idea that a woman/person is "impure" because they've had sex is disgusting. two, she's sacrificing something that may be important or traditional for her- wearing white, which she wanted to do- for other's beliefs. three, she's announcing to your conservative, judgemental family she's "impure". thats like labelling her for judgement and abuse from them. i can only imagine how she feels.
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info are you a virgin ?
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yta. your future bride shouldn’t have to forgo a white gown just bc your family is old-fashioned. it is humiliating. stand up for your fiancée.
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yta, and this "christian" tradition of yours is utterly made up. wedding dress colors have varied for centuries, and it's wild to me that you feel a need to announce her sexual history to everyone at your wedding.
i hope she sticks to her guns on this one, or she's going to be in for a long ride of a sexist husband and overbearing mother in law.
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so me (32m) and my soon to be wife (23f) are planing to get married in a few months. i come from a very religious house hold with strong cristian beliefs and one of the traditions in my family is if the woman getting married isn’t still a virgin they shouldn’t wear a white dress on their wedding day. my family knows my soon to be wife wasn’t a virgin when i met her because my mom asked me when i started dating her if she was pure, and i was honest and told her she had boyfriends before she met me. my wife was really upset when i asked her if she could wear a coloured dress on our wedding day but she agreed, so we’re looking at getting glittery blue dress instead. now she’s saying she won’t marry me because she’s too humiliated by the whole situation, but i really don’t see how it’s a big deal. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so me (32m) and my soon to be wife (23f) are planing to get married in a few months. i come from a very religious house hold with strong cristian beliefs and one of the traditions in my family is if the woman getting married isn’t still a virgin they shouldn’t wear a white dress on their wedding day. my family knows my soon to be wife wasn’t a virgin when i met her because my mom asked me when i started dating her if she was pure, and i was honest and told her she had boyfriends before she met me. my wife was really upset when i asked her if she could wear a coloured dress on our wedding day but she agreed, so we’re looking at getting glittery blue dress instead. now she’s saying she won’t marry me because she’s too humiliated by the whole situation, but i really don’t see how it’s a big deal. aita? [/INST] yta. for a dude marrying a girl nearly a decade younger, you sure are worried about what mommy thinks. </s>
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AITA for telling my brother and SIL “you got your big day now you have deal with the consequences”
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my (29f) brother (31m) and his wife (34f) got married two months ago, they had a destination wedding
unfortunately none of our side expect a cousin could attend due to multiple valid reasons which i list a short few
- grandparents (95f,98f,89m) = too old
- our parents= mom has breast cancer and my dad takes full care of her
- me and our youngest brothers gf = heavily pregnant/newborn
- our older brother and aunt = busy doctors who have to be extra careful
everyone else ether couldn’t afford it or couldn’t afford to take two weeks off.
we tried to explain to them the situation months before the wedding but where hit with “our wedding,our rules. don’t like it don’t come”
we asked to be able to help in anyway we could but a few weeks before the wedding their attitudes changed we where told they’d prefer to go low contact because we weren’t coming to the wedding ,which meant we didn’t support their marriage. i even begged to pay for the bridesmaids dresses but my brother told me he didn’t want my money he wanted me at his day i tried to explain to him,his wedding was 4 days before my due date. he ended up screaming at me calling me a spoiled entitled brat than blocking me.
they did similar stuff with everyone else, they even went as far getting my extremely sick mother upset to the point my father stopped talking to my brother.
so onto the situation after months of passive aggressive posts on social media and bride/groomzila tantrums they wanted to make up with everyone due to my mother finding out extremely heartbreaking news (6 months left)
we all ended up having dinner at my family home tonight with everyone being extremely cold to my bother and his wife. no one really cared to listen to about their wedding nor looked at their photos
my brother ended up getting us(siblings) alone to ask us why we where being dicks. my youngest brother told him tonight wasn’t the time than walked out, oldest said when mom died he would never speak to him again but due to the fact i’m his only sister he seem more mad/upset at me i told them “you got your big day now you have to deal with the consequences”
my bother and sil got extremely upset than left. my mother asked what happened but we told her he had the runs (diarrhoea) and needed to leave
my bother sent me a heartbreaking email afterwards on how he felt so rejected that we weren’t at his wedding nor apologised afterwards
sorry for my bad grammar but with the news of my mom and having a newborn plus the situation with my brother,my mind is like a noodle rn
| 19,460 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r01d97/aita_for_telling_my_brother_and_sil_you_got_your/
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2021-11-23 01:23:42
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nta. your brother and his wife obviously had grand visions for their wedding and seemed to be entirely tone deaf about the viability of those visions. that's not your fault or issue. they seem pretty immature.
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nta. your brother doesn’t get to alienate his family, make it impossible for them to come to his wedding, and then turn around and play victim on the other side.
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nta. they sound extremely privileged.. if you want people to go to your wedding, have it somewhere easily accessible.
you clearly tried your best to be a good brother and they treated you poorly in return. you have nothing to be sorry for.
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if you find your brother's self-serving email "heartbreaking" despite the irrefutable bullet points you wrote about the reasons you all couldn't attend the self-indulgent destination wedding, then you should also be heartbroken that he's brain dead. sincere condolences on your mother and congratulations on your new baby.
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nta
they got what they deserved.
>my bother and sil got extremely upset than left. my mother asked what happened but we told her he had the runs (diarrhoea) and needed to leave
love this btw, especially since it low key says that they left because they were being little shits lol
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nta - op i am so sorry that at this time when you should be celebrating the birth of your child, you have to deal with your mother's bad news.
my mind is totally blown that your family meets while everyone is digesting the news that she only has 6 more months and your brother/sil want to discuss their wedding. get you and your siblings alone not to discuss your mother, but his hurt feelings. maybe he'll grow up someday.
someone thought maybe sil was trying to alienate him from his family, but it sounds like he's stuck in a "me me me" stage of life.
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wow, what drama queens. definitely nta
we live in this world where people think that weddings are an excuse to be selfish and then they don't want to deal with the lifelong consequences that come with that. they sound like awful and entitled people all around. they made their plans knowing none of you would be able to come.
and sorry about your mom. that must be terrible.
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wow. nta. that’s wild.
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nta. destination weddings come with the possibility of not every desired guest in attendance. your brother choosing to cut off relationships with his family over very valid reasons for being unable to travel is his own problem. also, insisting people travel during the current global pavlova is incredibly selfish and irresponsible, even when those people are fit and fully healthy.
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nta. he can't call you names, go low contact, etc., and then wonder why-oh-why his siblings aren't being warm and welcoming to him.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (29f) brother (31m) and his wife (34f) got married two months ago, they had a destination wedding unfortunately none of our side expect a cousin could attend due to multiple valid reasons which i list a short few - grandparents (95f,98f,89m) = too old - our parents= mom has breast cancer and my dad takes full care of her - me and our youngest brothers gf = heavily pregnant/newborn - our older brother and aunt = busy doctors who have to be extra careful everyone else ether couldn’t afford it or couldn’t afford to take two weeks off. we tried to explain to them the situation months before the wedding but where hit with “our wedding,our rules. don’t like it don’t come” we asked to be able to help in anyway we could but a few weeks before the wedding their attitudes changed we where told they’d prefer to go low contact because we weren’t coming to the wedding ,which meant we didn’t support their marriage. i even begged to pay for the bridesmaids dresses but my brother told me he didn’t want my money he wanted me at his day i tried to explain to him,his wedding was 4 days before my due date. he ended up screaming at me calling me a spoiled entitled brat than blocking me. they did similar stuff with everyone else, they even went as far getting my extremely sick mother upset to the point my father stopped talking to my brother. so onto the situation after months of passive aggressive posts on social media and bride/groomzila tantrums they wanted to make up with everyone due to my mother finding out extremely heartbreaking news (6 months left) we all ended up having dinner at my family home tonight with everyone being extremely cold to my bother and his wife. no one really cared to listen to about their wedding nor looked at their photos my brother ended up getting us(siblings) alone to ask us why we where being dicks. my youngest brother told him tonight wasn’t the time than walked out, oldest said when mom died he would never speak to him again but due to the fact i’m his only sister he seem more mad/upset at me i told them “you got your big day now you have to deal with the consequences” my bother and sil got extremely upset than left. my mother asked what happened but we told her he had the runs (diarrhoea) and needed to leave my bother sent me a heartbreaking email afterwards on how he felt so rejected that we weren’t at his wedding nor apologised afterwards sorry for my bad grammar but with the news of my mom and having a newborn plus the situation with my brother,my mind is like a noodle rn
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (29f) brother (31m) and his wife (34f) got married two months ago, they had a destination wedding unfortunately none of our side expect a cousin could attend due to multiple valid reasons which i list a short few - grandparents (95f,98f,89m) = too old - our parents= mom has breast cancer and my dad takes full care of her - me and our youngest brothers gf = heavily pregnant/newborn - our older brother and aunt = busy doctors who have to be extra careful everyone else ether couldn’t afford it or couldn’t afford to take two weeks off. we tried to explain to them the situation months before the wedding but where hit with “our wedding,our rules. don’t like it don’t come” we asked to be able to help in anyway we could but a few weeks before the wedding their attitudes changed we where told they’d prefer to go low contact because we weren’t coming to the wedding ,which meant we didn’t support their marriage. i even begged to pay for the bridesmaids dresses but my brother told me he didn’t want my money he wanted me at his day i tried to explain to him,his wedding was 4 days before my due date. he ended up screaming at me calling me a spoiled entitled brat than blocking me. they did similar stuff with everyone else, they even went as far getting my extremely sick mother upset to the point my father stopped talking to my brother. so onto the situation after months of passive aggressive posts on social media and bride/groomzila tantrums they wanted to make up with everyone due to my mother finding out extremely heartbreaking news (6 months left) we all ended up having dinner at my family home tonight with everyone being extremely cold to my bother and his wife. no one really cared to listen to about their wedding nor looked at their photos my brother ended up getting us(siblings) alone to ask us why we where being dicks. my youngest brother told him tonight wasn’t the time than walked out, oldest said when mom died he would never speak to him again but due to the fact i’m his only sister he seem more mad/upset at me i told them “you got your big day now you have to deal with the consequences” my bother and sil got extremely upset than left. my mother asked what happened but we told her he had the runs (diarrhoea) and needed to leave my bother sent me a heartbreaking email afterwards on how he felt so rejected that we weren’t at his wedding nor apologised afterwards sorry for my bad grammar but with the news of my mom and having a newborn plus the situation with my brother,my mind is like a noodle rn [/INST] nta. your brother and his wife obviously had grand visions for their wedding and seemed to be entirely tone deaf about the viability of those visions. that's not your fault or issue. they seem pretty immature. </s>
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AITA for kicking my sister out of my family gathering after comment about adopted son?
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some feel i (32m) should’ve handled the situation but i don’t see how i’m wrong. me and my sister (37f)are not as close as we used to be because of some messed up stuff that happened years ago. i had my son jesse (9) pretty young. months after that to my surprise my ex was pregnant again. only i knew it wasn’t me because having an infant to take care of and provide for left me with zero interest in sex. and we found out it was my sister’s fiancé -ex now -that she was seeing behind our backs. it hurt. worst pain ever but for my son’s sake i tried to get past it. i come from a family of half sibs too so i wanted my son to be close to his half brother (keith).
surprise, not only were they (my ex and my sister’s ex) horrible lying cheaters, but also terrible parents. both got hooked on drugs, only escalated from there. he got locked up when keith was 3. this particular issue with my sister happened a couple years ago:
my ex got sick, she was scared of keith ending up in foster care like her and i didn’t want that for him either. i legally adopted him before she passed when he was 6. not everyone in my family was on board at first but he’s the kind of kid that is hard *not* to love so they warmed up to him. my sister never did. she hated that i brought the son of her ex fiancé into my family. and i understood why it was painful but keith’s and jesse’s best interest were my main priority. that’s how we drifted apart. last weekend was my birthday and had a small barbecue at my place. my parents have tried hard to mend things between us so they convinced me to let her come too so we can chat. i thought that meant she was cool with keith because obviously the 3 of us are a package deal.
i asked my parents how would she feel about keith, they said not to worry about it. again i took it as she came around. only she wasn’t told he would also be present. but how could he not be? he lives there. my sister got there and she was mad when she saw him . she very specifically said “i thought this was family only what’s he doing here.” loud enough where he could’ve easily heard but thankfully he was playing with his brother.
my sister was pissed because my parents told her keith wouldn’t be around. and i got pissed when she told me she didn’t want him here expecting me to do something about it. so i just told her to leave, and she’s not welcome here then. there was some back and forth from her and my parents. i didn’t want that kind of talk around my sons so still made her leave. my mom seems to think i was a huge asshole for kicking her out of my party instead of trying to work things out.
like they take keith somewhere out of site while me and her talk. but to me, what’s the point of us working it out if that’s how she still feels toward my son? well this is still causing some conflict since i “escalated” the feud by making her leave instead of actually talking to her . aita?
| 29,817 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ojzd5s/aita_for_kicking_my_sister_out_of_my_family/
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2021-07-14 07:35:18
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nta.. regardless of what happened in the past between consenting adults, kieth is a child and is absolutely innocent. bless you op for having such a huge heart and opening up your home to another son! you rock!
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let me get this straight - essentially, the *same exact thing* happens to both you and your sister - you were both cheated on - and you do a remarkably decent thing and adopt the child that resulted from it yet she can't even be in the same room as said child? why does she think her pain from said incident is so much more traumatic than yours? does she even realize, comparatively speaking, what a petty little human she must be? dude, you are so nta and kudos for being a generally good human - we need more people like you in the world today.
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[removed]
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nta
why did your parents tell her, keith would not be around? this makes no sense. and then saying you are an a\*hole? not fair!
you did the right thing in that situation. but try to talk to your sister and tell her, he is your kid! and if she does not want to see him it'll be quite possile you see each other "never again".
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nta, but everyone else other than you (and the kids) sure are.
keith is your son’s brother and even if he weren’t, he’s an innocent child who has no responsibility for his terrible birth parents. **you adopting him was such a wonderful thing to do.** you protected an innocent child from a lifetime of suffering the consequences of his birth parents bad choices and protected your son’s ability to have a relationship with his brother.
it is understandable that your sister would have a hard time with the reminder of what her ex-fiancé did to her, but that’s not the child’s fault or responsibility, there’s no involvement with her ex, and she’s had years* to deal with it and get over it. **keith never did anything to her and her attitude toward him is disgusting.**
**your parents tried to bring the two of you together by lying to both of you** about the main source of your conflict. **that was incredibly stupid and guaranteed to blow up.** the nerve of them to get mad at you for throwing your sister out when she behaved exactly as would have been expected had your parents been honest. had they been honest, you would not have invited her and this whole incident would have never happened.
your sister reacting badly is expected because she too was lied to. she was told keith wouldn’t be there and was blindsided when he was. her attitude toward him is disgusting but her reaction to being blindsided like that is also completely predictable. had your parents not lied to her, she wouldn’t have accepted the invite and this whole incident never would have happened.
and now your mom blames you and is calling you the asshole when **the entire confrontation was your parents doing by choosing to lie to both of her children in a way she knew would escalate the conflict even more than it already was.**
overall, i’d say your parents and your sister are pretty equal on the asshole scale, but **for this particular incident, your parents win the position of top assholes.**
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nta. it's your son. he's not optional. he's part of the package deal and he is very much so family.
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nta, but your parents are. they ambushed your sister by lying about where keith would be. she clearly has unresolved issues about her ex and she reacted emotionally. the situation escalated and your parent are placing blame on the wrong person. your parents are responsible for what happened, not you, but also not your sister. she needs to get help so she can deal with keith being in her family and her life forever, and until then you’re right to keep her away from him. you’re awesome for adopting keith btw, what a selfless, honourable thing to do.
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nta; i just wanna say how amazing it was for you to step up and give this kid a better life even though he wasn’t yours and now is. secondly, she needs to grow up and understand that your son was not at fault for anything.
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absolutely nta. the fact your sister expected you to remove your son, a child, from his home so she can attend a party is insane. it's not the child's fault who his bio parents are and anyone with ill will towards an innocent child because they dislike their parents needs to grow up. you did nothing wrong, you protected your son.
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nta. good job for defending your sons. your sister should be ashamed for how she treats this child. i understand he can represent a bad time for her but it isn’t his fault and he doesn’t know what’s going on.
you are exactly right, you can’t fix how your sister feels and you sure aren’t gonna ask a child to leave so it had to be her and besides you don’t need someone around that’s going to make your son feel bad.
your parents are also major ah because you tried to confirm that your sister was ok with keith but instead they outright lied to everyone
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: some feel i (32m) should’ve handled the situation but i don’t see how i’m wrong. me and my sister (37f)are not as close as we used to be because of some messed up stuff that happened years ago. i had my son jesse (9) pretty young. months after that to my surprise my ex was pregnant again. only i knew it wasn’t me because having an infant to take care of and provide for left me with zero interest in sex. and we found out it was my sister’s fiancé -ex now -that she was seeing behind our backs. it hurt. worst pain ever but for my son’s sake i tried to get past it. i come from a family of half sibs too so i wanted my son to be close to his half brother (keith). surprise, not only were they (my ex and my sister’s ex) horrible lying cheaters, but also terrible parents. both got hooked on drugs, only escalated from there. he got locked up when keith was 3. this particular issue with my sister happened a couple years ago: my ex got sick, she was scared of keith ending up in foster care like her and i didn’t want that for him either. i legally adopted him before she passed when he was 6. not everyone in my family was on board at first but he’s the kind of kid that is hard *not* to love so they warmed up to him. my sister never did. she hated that i brought the son of her ex fiancé into my family. and i understood why it was painful but keith’s and jesse’s best interest were my main priority. that’s how we drifted apart. last weekend was my birthday and had a small barbecue at my place. my parents have tried hard to mend things between us so they convinced me to let her come too so we can chat. i thought that meant she was cool with keith because obviously the 3 of us are a package deal. i asked my parents how would she feel about keith, they said not to worry about it. again i took it as she came around. only she wasn’t told he would also be present. but how could he not be? he lives there. my sister got there and she was mad when she saw him . she very specifically said “i thought this was family only what’s he doing here.” loud enough where he could’ve easily heard but thankfully he was playing with his brother. my sister was pissed because my parents told her keith wouldn’t be around. and i got pissed when she told me she didn’t want him here expecting me to do something about it. so i just told her to leave, and she’s not welcome here then. there was some back and forth from her and my parents. i didn’t want that kind of talk around my sons so still made her leave. my mom seems to think i was a huge asshole for kicking her out of my party instead of trying to work things out. like they take keith somewhere out of site while me and her talk. but to me, what’s the point of us working it out if that’s how she still feels toward my son? well this is still causing some conflict since i “escalated” the feud by making her leave instead of actually talking to her . aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
some feel i (32m) should’ve handled the situation but i don’t see how i’m wrong. me and my sister (37f)are not as close as we used to be because of some messed up stuff that happened years ago. i had my son jesse (9) pretty young. months after that to my surprise my ex was pregnant again. only i knew it wasn’t me because having an infant to take care of and provide for left me with zero interest in sex. and we found out it was my sister’s fiancé -ex now -that she was seeing behind our backs. it hurt. worst pain ever but for my son’s sake i tried to get past it. i come from a family of half sibs too so i wanted my son to be close to his half brother (keith). surprise, not only were they (my ex and my sister’s ex) horrible lying cheaters, but also terrible parents. both got hooked on drugs, only escalated from there. he got locked up when keith was 3. this particular issue with my sister happened a couple years ago: my ex got sick, she was scared of keith ending up in foster care like her and i didn’t want that for him either. i legally adopted him before she passed when he was 6. not everyone in my family was on board at first but he’s the kind of kid that is hard *not* to love so they warmed up to him. my sister never did. she hated that i brought the son of her ex fiancé into my family. and i understood why it was painful but keith’s and jesse’s best interest were my main priority. that’s how we drifted apart. last weekend was my birthday and had a small barbecue at my place. my parents have tried hard to mend things between us so they convinced me to let her come too so we can chat. i thought that meant she was cool with keith because obviously the 3 of us are a package deal. i asked my parents how would she feel about keith, they said not to worry about it. again i took it as she came around. only she wasn’t told he would also be present. but how could he not be? he lives there. my sister got there and she was mad when she saw him . she very specifically said “i thought this was family only what’s he doing here.” loud enough where he could’ve easily heard but thankfully he was playing with his brother. my sister was pissed because my parents told her keith wouldn’t be around. and i got pissed when she told me she didn’t want him here expecting me to do something about it. so i just told her to leave, and she’s not welcome here then. there was some back and forth from her and my parents. i didn’t want that kind of talk around my sons so still made her leave. my mom seems to think i was a huge asshole for kicking her out of my party instead of trying to work things out. like they take keith somewhere out of site while me and her talk. but to me, what’s the point of us working it out if that’s how she still feels toward my son? well this is still causing some conflict since i “escalated” the feud by making her leave instead of actually talking to her . aita? [/INST] nta.. regardless of what happened in the past between consenting adults, kieth is a child and is absolutely innocent. bless you op for having such a huge heart and opening up your home to another son! you rock! </s>
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AITA for not allowing my roommate's girlfriend to use my bathroom causing her to piss herself
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i live with a roommate in an apartment. i have the master bedroom and it comes with an attached bathroom. i also pay a higher rent for the bigger room + bathroom. i generally don't like people touching my belongings or using my bathroom.
the other day my room mate brought a few guests over including his girlfriend. i was sleeping when i heard some frantic knocking on the door. roommate's girlfriend was shouting through the door asking to use my bathroom. i pretended not to hear. she kept knocking and begging to use the bathroom but i ignored it. she stopped knocking after a while.
later when i saw my roommate he confronted me about this and said he girlfriend ended up pissing herself in front of their other friends. she was mortified and crying according to roommate. i lied and told him i didn't hear her knocking as i was sleeping. he didn't question it because he knows i'm a very deep sleeper and have slept through multiple alarms before.
aita? my sister thinks i was because it was a one time urgent thing but i honestly hate other people using my bathroom and that was why i chose to pay more to have a separate one. there is also a communal bathroom on a first floor that everyone can use (we stay on the 3rd floor) and if she really needed the bathroom she could have ran down to use it. it's not that clean because loads of people use it through the day but i think you cant be that picky if you're so urgent and can't control your pee. aita?
| 3,455 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cxr97c/aita_for_not_allowing_my_roommates_girlfriend_to/
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2019-08-31 03:41:01
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yta you said she begged to use it, seriously
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yta — what is wrong with you?
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yta- kindness costs nothing. someday, you'll need someone to be kind to you. i hope that when they are you appreciate it and see what an asshole you were in this instance and feel regret.
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yta. i hope you’re trolling. if not, you’re a shit.
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yta. maybe someone was using the other bathroom. hope you end up in a similar situation and are forced to piss yourself
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you caused your roommate’s girlfriend a lot of anguish and embarrassment.
even if in general you don’t like people touching your things or using your bathroom, you couldn’t make an exception for an obvious emergency? what if it was you in that situation?
this post belies an obvious lack of empathy for your roommate’s girlfriend and your roommate too. how could you?
yta.
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yta one day you will crap your pants in public and look back on this shitpost.
it happens to us all, you just lacked compassion
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i guess i'm in the minority saying nta.
>the other day my room mate brought a few guests over including his girlfriend.
ok so if the other bathroom was occupied, why couldn't she get that person to finish quickly? they would have been a fellow guest, not an uninvolved, sleeping person like yourself. not your circus, not your monkeys.
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yta. op posts in aita asking if he is an asshole, gets told by all commenters that he is an asshole, then disagrees with their responses to his question. i am confusion.
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nta i don't see why she couldn't just use the bathrooms that everyone else uses, why did she wait until she was about to piss herself? if everyone else can use the other bathrooms then there's no reason why she can't.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.128 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i live with a roommate in an apartment. i have the master bedroom and it comes with an attached bathroom. i also pay a higher rent for the bigger room + bathroom. i generally don't like people touching my belongings or using my bathroom. the other day my room mate brought a few guests over including his girlfriend. i was sleeping when i heard some frantic knocking on the door. roommate's girlfriend was shouting through the door asking to use my bathroom. i pretended not to hear. she kept knocking and begging to use the bathroom but i ignored it. she stopped knocking after a while. later when i saw my roommate he confronted me about this and said he girlfriend ended up pissing herself in front of their other friends. she was mortified and crying according to roommate. i lied and told him i didn't hear her knocking as i was sleeping. he didn't question it because he knows i'm a very deep sleeper and have slept through multiple alarms before. aita? my sister thinks i was because it was a one time urgent thing but i honestly hate other people using my bathroom and that was why i chose to pay more to have a separate one. there is also a communal bathroom on a first floor that everyone can use (we stay on the 3rd floor) and if she really needed the bathroom she could have ran down to use it. it's not that clean because loads of people use it through the day but i think you cant be that picky if you're so urgent and can't control your pee. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i live with a roommate in an apartment. i have the master bedroom and it comes with an attached bathroom. i also pay a higher rent for the bigger room + bathroom. i generally don't like people touching my belongings or using my bathroom. the other day my room mate brought a few guests over including his girlfriend. i was sleeping when i heard some frantic knocking on the door. roommate's girlfriend was shouting through the door asking to use my bathroom. i pretended not to hear. she kept knocking and begging to use the bathroom but i ignored it. she stopped knocking after a while. later when i saw my roommate he confronted me about this and said he girlfriend ended up pissing herself in front of their other friends. she was mortified and crying according to roommate. i lied and told him i didn't hear her knocking as i was sleeping. he didn't question it because he knows i'm a very deep sleeper and have slept through multiple alarms before. aita? my sister thinks i was because it was a one time urgent thing but i honestly hate other people using my bathroom and that was why i chose to pay more to have a separate one. there is also a communal bathroom on a first floor that everyone can use (we stay on the 3rd floor) and if she really needed the bathroom she could have ran down to use it. it's not that clean because loads of people use it through the day but i think you cant be that picky if you're so urgent and can't control your pee. aita? [/INST] yta you said she begged to use it, seriously </s>
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AITA for getting mad at my sister for not wanting me shirtless at her pool?
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my sister and her husband invited me over to their pool today for a little bbq. i assumed it would just be me, my sister, her husband, my nephews, and my parents. but turns out they also invited her husband’s side of the family.
when it was time to get in the pool, i changed into my swim trunks and removed my shirt. but my sister stopped me before i came out their house and asked to keep my shirt on because of my scars. she was referring to the scars from when i had my top (chest) surgery. i’m a trans guy. had started transitioning 8 yrs ago and my surgery was 4 years ago. my scars have already faded and they’re pretty well hidden under my pecs. you’d have to look really close to even notice.
i’ve been to their pool many times and she’s never said anything before so i was surprised. every other guy including my dad were all shirtless in the pool.
when i asked what the prob was with my scars she said she was uncomfortable with her in laws knowing i’m trans. my feelings were hurt but i was mainly pissed. she said she didn’t want her in laws to look at her differently if they found out about me.
she told me not to make a big deal and to go with it.
when she left, i went back inside to change because i wasn’t gonna go in the pool with a shirt on. i only had the one i came wearing because i didn’t expect her to ask me this.
my mood was soured after that and i didn’t wanna be around her so i decided to leave. when i said bye to everyone they were all confused since i was only there less than an hour. my dad pulled me aside and asked why i was leaving early.
i told him to ask my sister and left. an hour later my sister called me upset because she and my dad got into a fight.
my parents were furious about what she told me and they ended up leaving early too. now she’s angry at me for ruining the bbq and said i didn’t have to cause all this drama if i only did what she asked.
what she said hurt me and i was no longer in a mood to be around her or anyone else, but i didn’t mean for all that to happen. am i the asshole for getting mad at her and basically ruining their day?
| 30,924 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hppclc/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_sister_for_not_wanting/
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2020-07-12 05:47:52
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nta, no way. showing your scars and explaining why you have them on the spot would have been much easier for everyone. your sister ruined her own bbq. i bet her in-laws have many questions in their minds now too.
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[removed]
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nta
you were right to call out that transphobic behaviour. 'didn't want her in laws to look at her differently' makes it sound like she was saying she was ashamed to have a trans brother.
i'm glad your parents stood up for you though! that was awesome of them.
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you resected her wishes, you kept your shirt on and left. your parents were offended by her behaviour, they left. the only person your sister has to blame is herself. kudos to you and your parents.
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nta. i have several ftm friends and former students. getting to go shirtless at a pool or the beach is like a rite of passage. it means you feel comfortable that you are “passing.” i guess you could call it a “rite of passing” then. i can imagine how deeply it hurt you, both that your sister wasn’t supportive (and, frankly, overjoyed) that you feel good about going shirtless, and that she is obviously ashamed of who you are. you were right to leave, and i almost cheered out loud when i read that your parents left too, in solidarity with you.
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nta.
you didn't cause the drama she did.
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nta
as a fellow trans afab person, i would be heartbroken if my sister said this to me. i’m yet to have top surgery but when i initially came out my older sister was awful about it. she said she woulda never call me her brother, never use my new name and never use different pronouns. it broke my heart. it’s so good though that your parents stuck up for you, and it’s her own fault that she had an argument with your dad. she’s the ah and clearly has some internalised transphobia.
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nta. your sister should have been more supportive of you. at least your parents stood up for you.
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nta! your sister ruined her party all by herself. she worried about her in-laws thinking badly of *her* b/c you're you. that's a dick move right there.
i'm so sorry she chose appearances over honesty. i would have left, too. i'm glad your parents are supporting you. sis needs to go take a look in a mirror to see who's responsible here.
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nta at all. she can f right off with her transphobic comments.
ps: could someone tell me if i have this right? trans male = someone who transitioned from female to male and trans female = someone who transitioned from male to female?
i have no trans people in my life or anything to ask and i want to make sure i understand everything correctly
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister and her husband invited me over to their pool today for a little bbq. i assumed it would just be me, my sister, her husband, my nephews, and my parents. but turns out they also invited her husband’s side of the family. when it was time to get in the pool, i changed into my swim trunks and removed my shirt. but my sister stopped me before i came out their house and asked to keep my shirt on because of my scars. she was referring to the scars from when i had my top (chest) surgery. i’m a trans guy. had started transitioning 8 yrs ago and my surgery was 4 years ago. my scars have already faded and they’re pretty well hidden under my pecs. you’d have to look really close to even notice. i’ve been to their pool many times and she’s never said anything before so i was surprised. every other guy including my dad were all shirtless in the pool. when i asked what the prob was with my scars she said she was uncomfortable with her in laws knowing i’m trans. my feelings were hurt but i was mainly pissed. she said she didn’t want her in laws to look at her differently if they found out about me. she told me not to make a big deal and to go with it. when she left, i went back inside to change because i wasn’t gonna go in the pool with a shirt on. i only had the one i came wearing because i didn’t expect her to ask me this. my mood was soured after that and i didn’t wanna be around her so i decided to leave. when i said bye to everyone they were all confused since i was only there less than an hour. my dad pulled me aside and asked why i was leaving early. i told him to ask my sister and left. an hour later my sister called me upset because she and my dad got into a fight. my parents were furious about what she told me and they ended up leaving early too. now she’s angry at me for ruining the bbq and said i didn’t have to cause all this drama if i only did what she asked. what she said hurt me and i was no longer in a mood to be around her or anyone else, but i didn’t mean for all that to happen. am i the asshole for getting mad at her and basically ruining their day?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister and her husband invited me over to their pool today for a little bbq. i assumed it would just be me, my sister, her husband, my nephews, and my parents. but turns out they also invited her husband’s side of the family. when it was time to get in the pool, i changed into my swim trunks and removed my shirt. but my sister stopped me before i came out their house and asked to keep my shirt on because of my scars. she was referring to the scars from when i had my top (chest) surgery. i’m a trans guy. had started transitioning 8 yrs ago and my surgery was 4 years ago. my scars have already faded and they’re pretty well hidden under my pecs. you’d have to look really close to even notice. i’ve been to their pool many times and she’s never said anything before so i was surprised. every other guy including my dad were all shirtless in the pool. when i asked what the prob was with my scars she said she was uncomfortable with her in laws knowing i’m trans. my feelings were hurt but i was mainly pissed. she said she didn’t want her in laws to look at her differently if they found out about me. she told me not to make a big deal and to go with it. when she left, i went back inside to change because i wasn’t gonna go in the pool with a shirt on. i only had the one i came wearing because i didn’t expect her to ask me this. my mood was soured after that and i didn’t wanna be around her so i decided to leave. when i said bye to everyone they were all confused since i was only there less than an hour. my dad pulled me aside and asked why i was leaving early. i told him to ask my sister and left. an hour later my sister called me upset because she and my dad got into a fight. my parents were furious about what she told me and they ended up leaving early too. now she’s angry at me for ruining the bbq and said i didn’t have to cause all this drama if i only did what she asked. what she said hurt me and i was no longer in a mood to be around her or anyone else, but i didn’t mean for all that to happen. am i the asshole for getting mad at her and basically ruining their day? [/INST] nta, no way. showing your scars and explaining why you have them on the spot would have been much easier for everyone. your sister ruined her own bbq. i bet her in-laws have many questions in their minds now too. </s>
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AITA for calling my wife ridiculous for saying that she won't attend my family's christmas over some stockings?
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my mom has a tradition for every christmas and that is to get custon stockings of her grandchildren's names (cody, mia, sammy, alaina...etc...) and hang those stockings near the fireplace.
my wife and i have been together for 3 years. she has a son (my stepkid) from her former marriage. when she found out about the tradition mom has, she said she expects my stepson to get his own custom stocking and be hanged along with the other kids' stockings. i asked my mom and she said that she loves her step grandchild but does not feel comfortable yet to have a stocking of his name and gang it in her home. apparently, my wife refused to drop it and chose it as a hill to die on and even told me she would not be attending christmas party if mom doesn't do it. we started arguing about it for days. i finally blew up and told her it was not reasonable for me or her to dictate how my mom decorates her home and what stockings she hangs. she started crying and called me 'blind' for not seeing how my family are treating my stepson. i said they love him and a some stocking isn't going to prove anything. she said she wouldn't go then and i called her ridiculous for deciding not to go over something so trivial.
we have been in conflict about it since then and she's refusing to even speak to me.
aitaa for saying that it was ridiculous for her to decide not to go over some stockings?
my stepson's age is 9.
| 18,361 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zfz9u6/aita_for_calling_my_wife_ridiculous_for_saying/
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2022-12-08 13:42:02
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yta: 3 years isn't enough? your mom's a real piece of work.
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yta. your mother is singling out *a child* from a christmas tradition that your family has. your stepson is now part of your family. if your mother can’t even bring herself to have a *sock* with his name on it, then your stepson deserves better than your family. it might only be a stocking to you, but to your wife and *your stepson* it’s going to look like a hell of a lot more than that.
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yta. your stepson has been in your life for 3 years. if your mom “doesn’t feel comfortable” putting a stocking up for him (which really just sounds like an excuse to be exclusionary) she never will. your wife is 100% right here, your stepson will absolutely feel very hurt and left out if all the other grandkids get a nice customized stocking and he gets nothing. it’s not about a decorating choice, it’s about excluding a kid.
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yta your mother is being unwelcoming to your step son, basically saying he's not part of the family. how about you step the fuck up and support your wife and step son?
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yta. i’d die on this hill too and saying she’s refusing to go just over stockings feels disingenuous to me. she’s refusing to go because your mother is refusing to include her son.
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“i asked my mom and she said that she loves her step grandchild but does not feel comfortable yet to have a stocking of his name”.
wtf did i just read? you do realize that your mom does not love your step son, right?
and by not agreeing with your wife, i have to wonder if you do.
he’s a child. wow.
yta. your poor step child and wife. clearly they are not family.
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yta. the old bint is not being asked to gift half the family inheritance and the 17th century christening spoons to her step-grandchild. just to treat a guest as included in the family for a few days to the tune of $10 or so. it looks like being shady pines for your retirement plans, so think on that.
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yta!! and your mother is a major ah, too. this is your wife, and you consider him your stepson. obviously, he's been around your family long enough. your mom "loves" him but not enough to feel "comfortable" hanging a damn stocking?? dense much? your mom is making your stepson feel unwelcome and like he's not part of your family. he is gonna ask why he's the only one without a stocking. yes, this is the hill your wife should die on because she's there to protect her son.
i'm glad my mil isn't anything like your mother. she had a stocking already hung for my son before meeting him.
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yta. your step son is going to show up on christmas and be the only one without a custom stocking. how do you think that's going to make him feel? it really sounds like your wife is the only person that cares about this kid.
if the stocking isn't that big of a deal, why doesn't your mother make one?
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yta. so is your mom.
i’m a step child. my parents got married when i was 11. his family took me in like their own without batting an eyelash, and my grandparents on his side would do anything for me. i can’t imagine my life without their love and acceptance.
i feel really badly for your wife and her kid. you’ve been married to her for three years and your mother doesn’t feel comfortable accepting him as her grandchild? imagine how that feels to your wife and child.
the fact that you have to even ask if you’re the a-hole here tells me that you don’t make much effort to set boundaries with your mother & stand up for your family - your wife and son.
(edited for some grammar mistakes)
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mom has a tradition for every christmas and that is to get custon stockings of her grandchildren's names (cody, mia, sammy, alaina...etc...) and hang those stockings near the fireplace. my wife and i have been together for 3 years. she has a son (my stepkid) from her former marriage. when she found out about the tradition mom has, she said she expects my stepson to get his own custom stocking and be hanged along with the other kids' stockings. i asked my mom and she said that she loves her step grandchild but does not feel comfortable yet to have a stocking of his name and gang it in her home. apparently, my wife refused to drop it and chose it as a hill to die on and even told me she would not be attending christmas party if mom doesn't do it. we started arguing about it for days. i finally blew up and told her it was not reasonable for me or her to dictate how my mom decorates her home and what stockings she hangs. she started crying and called me 'blind' for not seeing how my family are treating my stepson. i said they love him and a some stocking isn't going to prove anything. she said she wouldn't go then and i called her ridiculous for deciding not to go over something so trivial. we have been in conflict about it since then and she's refusing to even speak to me. aitaa for saying that it was ridiculous for her to decide not to go over some stockings? my stepson's age is 9.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my mom has a tradition for every christmas and that is to get custon stockings of her grandchildren's names (cody, mia, sammy, alaina...etc...) and hang those stockings near the fireplace. my wife and i have been together for 3 years. she has a son (my stepkid) from her former marriage. when she found out about the tradition mom has, she said she expects my stepson to get his own custom stocking and be hanged along with the other kids' stockings. i asked my mom and she said that she loves her step grandchild but does not feel comfortable yet to have a stocking of his name and gang it in her home. apparently, my wife refused to drop it and chose it as a hill to die on and even told me she would not be attending christmas party if mom doesn't do it. we started arguing about it for days. i finally blew up and told her it was not reasonable for me or her to dictate how my mom decorates her home and what stockings she hangs. she started crying and called me 'blind' for not seeing how my family are treating my stepson. i said they love him and a some stocking isn't going to prove anything. she said she wouldn't go then and i called her ridiculous for deciding not to go over something so trivial. we have been in conflict about it since then and she's refusing to even speak to me. aitaa for saying that it was ridiculous for her to decide not to go over some stockings? my stepson's age is 9. [/INST] yta: 3 years isn't enough? your mom's a real piece of work. </s>
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AITA For siding with my brother and SIL over my parents?
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my brother and my sil have been married for 6 years. i love them both dearly. they adopted a little girl about a year ago. my parents were happy about this too, at first. they got really angry when my brother and sil announced recently that their daughter would be their only child and they do not want biological kids.
&#x200b;
my mom and dad lost their shit. they told my brother he *had* to get my sil pregnant. he was the family's male heir and he would have to have a biological son to carry forward the family name. this makes no sense to me, nor my bro and sil. it's not as if we're a family of european royalty. who gives a fuck about the family name in this day and age? well, my parents do apparently. they've been berating my brother and guilt tripping my sister in law, making her feel like she's taking something away from our family. on one occasion they actually suggested that my brother leave my sil if she didn't want to get pregnant and have a son with another woman.
&#x200b;
what's even worse is that they've stopped paying attention to my niece. earlier, they would call and talk to her almost everyday. but ever since they were told about my bro and sil's decision, they've stopped calling her. this pisses me off and has deeply saddened my bro and sil. the child is 3 years old and doesn't deserve this kind of treatment.
&#x200b;
yesterday, when i called my brother, he seemed very upset. he told me that mom and dad had called him and they had talked about something unrelated. when he asked if they wanted to talk to their granddaughter, they said they'd talk to their *real* grandchild when my brother came to his senses and decided to give them one.
&#x200b;
i was angrier than i've been in a long time. i called my parents and unloaded on them. i told them how selfish and cruel they were being and how dare they take out their anger on my niece, along with a lot of other things i can't even remember. my mom started crying as she's not used to being yelled at. i understand that yelling at them may have been a bit much, but i just can't believe how awful they are being towards a kid. so am i the asshole? or are they?
&#x200b;
&#x200b;
edit : some people have been wondering how my parents would act when i have kids. no need to worry about that since i won't be having any. i made this clear to my parents years ago and yes they threw a fit over this.
| 25,137 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i0hwki/aita_for_siding_with_my_brother_and_sil_over_my/
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2020-07-30 07:40:34
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nta. your parents can be disappointed that they don’t have a “biological” grandchild, but you were absolutely right to call them out on how cruel they’re being to your niece. what if your brother or sil weren’t physically able to have children? i wonder if your parents would have thrown a fit about carrying on the family name then. either way, they need to come to terms with their disappointment and stop taking it out by being so mean to everyone, especially their granddaughter.
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nta
they absolutely deserved it. good on you for having your brother's, sil's, and niece's backs.
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nta i’m sure your brother feels good that you are at least on his side.
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pretty obviously nta. forcing someone to have kids? abusive potentially.
your parents’ behaviour is disgusting in this context.
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nta, they are though! they have a grandchild and are mistreating her (and her parents) for not being biologically related to them. do you know the saying "blood is thicker than water"? the actual quote goes "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb", meaning that connections established freely are stronger than just being connected by genetics.
maybe yelling wasn't the best thing to do, but so is their behaviour towards your niece, who is getting ignored by her grandparents for something she has no power over and for some old/weird value.
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nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta
just because your mom cried because one of her children demanded to be respected as a peer doesn't make you an asshole. they are being selfish, cruel, petulant, childish, immature, assholes. you had every right to read them the riot act, so does your brother, so does your sil. hopefully they learn from this encounter and grow up.
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nta
not only because you don't treat a child like that, but even if they did have a child, what if it was "gasp" a girl!!! would they be as vile to their "bio"grandchild unless they get the gender they want?
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as a parent of an adopted child...thank you. i am from india and it's not a very socially accepted norm here. my in laws reacted similarly when we told them first that we only wanted to adopt and not have biological kids. lots of tantrums and emotional manipulation. thankfully my bil was very supportive and he stood by us. as time went on they have completely accepted the reality and are very loving to their grandchild. i hope it's only time that they need to get over their disappointment and they will come around to giving the little girl the grandparents she deserves. you did absolutely the right thing. she is lucky to have such an aunt / uncle who stands up for her.
nta
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*oh, but they must have a male heir, for the abbey is entailed. otherwise your boorish solicitor cousin, mr. feversham, will inherit all! now will someone please enlighten me as to what is a week-end?!*
nta, and your niece doesn’t need grandparents who suck like that!
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nta. your parents are being completely irrational.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother and my sil have been married for 6 years. i love them both dearly. they adopted a little girl about a year ago. my parents were happy about this too, at first. they got really angry when my brother and sil announced recently that their daughter would be their only child and they do not want biological kids. &#x200b; my mom and dad lost their shit. they told my brother he *had* to get my sil pregnant. he was the family's male heir and he would have to have a biological son to carry forward the family name. this makes no sense to me, nor my bro and sil. it's not as if we're a family of european royalty. who gives a fuck about the family name in this day and age? well, my parents do apparently. they've been berating my brother and guilt tripping my sister in law, making her feel like she's taking something away from our family. on one occasion they actually suggested that my brother leave my sil if she didn't want to get pregnant and have a son with another woman. &#x200b; what's even worse is that they've stopped paying attention to my niece. earlier, they would call and talk to her almost everyday. but ever since they were told about my bro and sil's decision, they've stopped calling her. this pisses me off and has deeply saddened my bro and sil. the child is 3 years old and doesn't deserve this kind of treatment. &#x200b; yesterday, when i called my brother, he seemed very upset. he told me that mom and dad had called him and they had talked about something unrelated. when he asked if they wanted to talk to their granddaughter, they said they'd talk to their *real* grandchild when my brother came to his senses and decided to give them one. &#x200b; i was angrier than i've been in a long time. i called my parents and unloaded on them. i told them how selfish and cruel they were being and how dare they take out their anger on my niece, along with a lot of other things i can't even remember. my mom started crying as she's not used to being yelled at. i understand that yelling at them may have been a bit much, but i just can't believe how awful they are being towards a kid. so am i the asshole? or are they? &#x200b; &#x200b; edit : some people have been wondering how my parents would act when i have kids. no need to worry about that since i won't be having any. i made this clear to my parents years ago and yes they threw a fit over this.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my brother and my sil have been married for 6 years. i love them both dearly. they adopted a little girl about a year ago. my parents were happy about this too, at first. they got really angry when my brother and sil announced recently that their daughter would be their only child and they do not want biological kids. &#x200b; my mom and dad lost their shit. they told my brother he *had* to get my sil pregnant. he was the family's male heir and he would have to have a biological son to carry forward the family name. this makes no sense to me, nor my bro and sil. it's not as if we're a family of european royalty. who gives a fuck about the family name in this day and age? well, my parents do apparently. they've been berating my brother and guilt tripping my sister in law, making her feel like she's taking something away from our family. on one occasion they actually suggested that my brother leave my sil if she didn't want to get pregnant and have a son with another woman. &#x200b; what's even worse is that they've stopped paying attention to my niece. earlier, they would call and talk to her almost everyday. but ever since they were told about my bro and sil's decision, they've stopped calling her. this pisses me off and has deeply saddened my bro and sil. the child is 3 years old and doesn't deserve this kind of treatment. &#x200b; yesterday, when i called my brother, he seemed very upset. he told me that mom and dad had called him and they had talked about something unrelated. when he asked if they wanted to talk to their granddaughter, they said they'd talk to their *real* grandchild when my brother came to his senses and decided to give them one. &#x200b; i was angrier than i've been in a long time. i called my parents and unloaded on them. i told them how selfish and cruel they were being and how dare they take out their anger on my niece, along with a lot of other things i can't even remember. my mom started crying as she's not used to being yelled at. i understand that yelling at them may have been a bit much, but i just can't believe how awful they are being towards a kid. so am i the asshole? or are they? &#x200b; &#x200b; edit : some people have been wondering how my parents would act when i have kids. no need to worry about that since i won't be having any. i made this clear to my parents years ago and yes they threw a fit over this. [/INST] nta. your parents can be disappointed that they don’t have a “biological” grandchild, but you were absolutely right to call them out on how cruel they’re being to your niece. what if your brother or sil weren’t physically able to have children? i wonder if your parents would have thrown a fit about carrying on the family name then. either way, they need to come to terms with their disappointment and stop taking it out by being so mean to everyone, especially their granddaughter. </s>
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AITA for refusing my mother's dying wish
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33f, married, financially stable and happy with a couple cats and a senior dog
my mother (67 f) is a cancer survivor and was recently diagnosed with another, more aggressive form of tumor. considering her history with treatment, the prognosis isn't good.
she and i aren't close. she has untreated mental health issues (i suspect bpd) that made my life hell growing up, and even in my adult years she's often tried to control my life to make it more like hers. one thing we've always disagreed on is the topic of babies. my mother *loves* babies (but not children, who have opinions) and has desperately wanted to be a grandmother from the moment she found out she was having a daughter. unfortunately for her, i'm childfree. i like kids. i even work with babies, and i'm good with them. but i've never wanted one, and i'm an only child.
i called her after the diagnosis came in to check on her, and - in tears - she declared that now is the time that i *have* to give her a grandbaby. the doctor is giving her about a year to live, perfect timing if i get pregnant now apparently. she says this is the only thing that would make her feel better about dying.
as usual, i said no. i don't want a kid. my spouse doesn't want a kid. that's it.
now, several of my mother's friends, who in the past had supported my decision, are calling me up to say i'm ta for refusing her dying wish. they're pointing out that my spouse and i could afford a child (true) and that we already have more space in our home than we need (sort of true), and therefore the only thing that's stopping me from popping out an infant in 9 months is, in their opinion, that i'm a horrible selfish child.
to be clear, i'm not going to change my mind. a lot of factors have gone into my decision not to have babies, and a few old people calling me a self-absorbed bitch won't change that, but i'll admit that perhaps i am, in fact, a self-absorbed bitch.
what say you, reddit?
| 19,865 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fxsho6/aita_for_refusing_my_mothers_dying_wish/
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2020-04-09 13:33:11
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nta. you're really mature, responsible and smart to not have a child to appease another person. a child is not a toy that you can return once your mother got her few moments to coo over it. you'd be responsible for that child for at least two decades, and if you don't want a child, it would be crazy to take on that responsibility because your mother wants you to.
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nta
you absolutely cannot bring a human into the world to placate a dying woman. sorry, but that's just absurd.
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on top of the blunt fact that **you don't owe her anything**, especially creating a new human life for her personal fulfillment:
*"1 year to live" could mean 3 years or it could mean 1 month from now.*
this baby doesn't deserve to only be alive because a grandmother it never knew guilted you into having it.
maybe that argument will get through their insane troll logic.
nta
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nta but your mother and her friends sure are. you should never have a child because someone else wants you to. i’m sorry your mother is ill but to demand you have a child so she can be a grandmother is an incredibly selfish thing to do. you do you. don’t have kids or do based on what you and your partner want, everyone else can shove their opinion right up their arse.
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so she wants you to have a baby that she can love for her last few months of her life. and then, when she is gone, what is gonna happen with the baby that you didn't want in the first place? does her friends really want a child in this world that is not wanted? that is just plain bad. nta.
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nta.
look, normally i wouldn’t advocate this, but if you want to lie and tell her awful friends and her you and your husband are trying, or that you got checked and are infertile, no one would blame you. i know what it is like to have a complex relationship with a dying parent. sometimes? sometimes, you just gotta say what you can to get by.
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nta. your mum was essentially using emotional blackmail on you. the fact that she has also complained to the world about your refusal to be forced into making a baby for her makes her highly manipulative as well.
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come on, there is no way you think you are actually the asshole for this
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yta for coming here to post this. do you really have to ask whether or not you're the asshole for being in control of your own reproduction? come on, now. figure out another way to pick up karma.
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i don't understand this obsession with having kids and why other people are so concerned whether or not you have them. it's weird, it's personal and just doesn't make sense to me.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
YTA
| null | 0.04134 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: 33f, married, financially stable and happy with a couple cats and a senior dog my mother (67 f) is a cancer survivor and was recently diagnosed with another, more aggressive form of tumor. considering her history with treatment, the prognosis isn't good. she and i aren't close. she has untreated mental health issues (i suspect bpd) that made my life hell growing up, and even in my adult years she's often tried to control my life to make it more like hers. one thing we've always disagreed on is the topic of babies. my mother *loves* babies (but not children, who have opinions) and has desperately wanted to be a grandmother from the moment she found out she was having a daughter. unfortunately for her, i'm childfree. i like kids. i even work with babies, and i'm good with them. but i've never wanted one, and i'm an only child. i called her after the diagnosis came in to check on her, and - in tears - she declared that now is the time that i *have* to give her a grandbaby. the doctor is giving her about a year to live, perfect timing if i get pregnant now apparently. she says this is the only thing that would make her feel better about dying. as usual, i said no. i don't want a kid. my spouse doesn't want a kid. that's it. now, several of my mother's friends, who in the past had supported my decision, are calling me up to say i'm ta for refusing her dying wish. they're pointing out that my spouse and i could afford a child (true) and that we already have more space in our home than we need (sort of true), and therefore the only thing that's stopping me from popping out an infant in 9 months is, in their opinion, that i'm a horrible selfish child. to be clear, i'm not going to change my mind. a lot of factors have gone into my decision not to have babies, and a few old people calling me a self-absorbed bitch won't change that, but i'll admit that perhaps i am, in fact, a self-absorbed bitch. what say you, reddit?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
33f, married, financially stable and happy with a couple cats and a senior dog my mother (67 f) is a cancer survivor and was recently diagnosed with another, more aggressive form of tumor. considering her history with treatment, the prognosis isn't good. she and i aren't close. she has untreated mental health issues (i suspect bpd) that made my life hell growing up, and even in my adult years she's often tried to control my life to make it more like hers. one thing we've always disagreed on is the topic of babies. my mother *loves* babies (but not children, who have opinions) and has desperately wanted to be a grandmother from the moment she found out she was having a daughter. unfortunately for her, i'm childfree. i like kids. i even work with babies, and i'm good with them. but i've never wanted one, and i'm an only child. i called her after the diagnosis came in to check on her, and - in tears - she declared that now is the time that i *have* to give her a grandbaby. the doctor is giving her about a year to live, perfect timing if i get pregnant now apparently. she says this is the only thing that would make her feel better about dying. as usual, i said no. i don't want a kid. my spouse doesn't want a kid. that's it. now, several of my mother's friends, who in the past had supported my decision, are calling me up to say i'm ta for refusing her dying wish. they're pointing out that my spouse and i could afford a child (true) and that we already have more space in our home than we need (sort of true), and therefore the only thing that's stopping me from popping out an infant in 9 months is, in their opinion, that i'm a horrible selfish child. to be clear, i'm not going to change my mind. a lot of factors have gone into my decision not to have babies, and a few old people calling me a self-absorbed bitch won't change that, but i'll admit that perhaps i am, in fact, a self-absorbed bitch. what say you, reddit? [/INST] nta. you're really mature, responsible and smart to not have a child to appease another person. a child is not a toy that you can return once your mother got her few moments to coo over it. you'd be responsible for that child for at least two decades, and if you don't want a child, it would be crazy to take on that responsibility because your mother wants you to. </s>
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AITA for telling my brother not to bring his wife to family events?
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i come from a very orthodox family. there are certain rules for women in my family. like not wearing revealing clothes (even jeans and shorts), make up and roaming around alone at night. i'm aware that most of it is unfair but they won't change and i can't move out without losing all contact with my family.
a few years back i started attending this language class (my parents agreed very reluctantly) and became friends with a girl there. introduced her to my older brother (m25) who would pick me up from class. long story short: they fell in love and eloped.
my mother was devastated. she cried for days and blamed me for introducing "that witch" to my brother. my brother moved into an apartment pretty close to ours but maintained his distance from us and gradually died down. until this year where they finally decide to reconcile. i thought they would tone things down and slowly get my parents to approve of their marriage. it was naive of me to think so. my sil wears only short pants and skirts for every family event. she talks about moving to europe, never having kids and everything else that would give my mother a stroke. she has the luxury of saying all this and running back to the safety of her house. i'm the one who has to sit through the aftermath. the minute she leaves, my parents start yelling about how much shame and bad luck she's gonna bring our family. they also never forget to point out that none of this would have happened if i hadn't gone to that language class.
i have repeatedly asked my sil to just wear normal clothes for a few hours but she doesn't listen. i guess this is her way of rebelling or getting revenge.
recently, my older sister gave birth to a child and there's plenty of ceremonies that are to be performed. these ceremonies are huge and most of my relatives will be attending it. i can only imagine the fights that will start at home.
my brother called to ask me if there was something he could do and i straight up told him not to show up or to show up without his wife. he called me an asshole and said i was just like our parents.
i know that the only people in the wrong here are my parents but i know them and i know they won't change and i don't think wearing different set of clothes for a few hours is a big deal and if it is they can just not attend.
so i think i'm not the asshole but maybe i just can't see it? so tell me reddit.
english is not my first language so ignore my mistakes!
| 8,375 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/og5vps/aita_for_telling_my_brother_not_to_bring_his_wife/
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2021-07-08 12:07:51
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yta - absurdly controlling behaviour (which at that level seems downright abusive in it’s own right) doesn’t get a pass because the people doing it believe in the supernatural. you don’t get a pass because it’s easier to appease the believers in the supernatural than it is to stand up for someone else’s basic human dignity to live freely.
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i feel sad for you - are you content to accept the cage in which you live?
there is another alternative to having your brother resume acceptance of the conditions that you yourself describe as unfair. you could consider your brother and his wife - who was your friend first - as a conduit to a different sort of life.
it’s not just about the clothing, dear. there is a great big world out there. language class is just one teeny-tiny piece.
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edited nta. your parents are the biggest ah here but your brother has some responsibility as well. you've communicated that his actions are causing your parents to lash out at you. you just want him to stop so you stop being punished. while you're brother and wife have done nothing wrong by simply living the way they do your brother should take your feelings into account.
more clarification on my edit. your parents are lashing out at you and that's not fair. you've spoken to your brother but he isn't stopping. i understand that he either has to leave his wife home or risk you being punished. if i was in his position i'd stop coming to see your parents. hopefully that would take pressure off you and he wouldn't have to change anything to fit your parents.
further edit. op has said sil is fully aware of how this effects op and seems to delight in pissing the parents the off. that's much different than just existing and not wanting to be judged because she knows that op's parents are going to take their anger out on op. that means sil has as much agency in this as op's brother. while the parents are the ones reacting badly since they both know they are not facing consequences they are ahs too. because they should care, at least, about how this is harming op.
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omg does people not understand the cultural differences here? with the way the family is described and the ceremonies while a child is born, the it seems like the op is from south asia. maybe india or pakistan? people in us or uk are commenting yta based on what they experience not keeping in mind the ops background.
everyone here says that the op is to blame for asking her brother to not come with his wife. but there's a limit to what she can go through at her home. cutting off people or removing yourself from such situations are simply not possible in the culture. i speak as an indian myself, once someone orthodox decides to moral police you, no amount of reasoning or explanation can make them understand.
it's not fair, in any way that someone gets to comment on your clothes, your ambitions and your life choices but that's how it is here. there are small changes everyday but mostly the situation hasn't changed.
op definitely doesn't have a choice to distance herself from her parents but sil does. if sil can make ops life a little better by doing that then why doesn't she? sil can choose to wear clothes the parents approve of or just not meet them. i know this sounds controlling but there really isn't a perfect solution to this, the parents are more or less set in their way and won't compromise on this.
nta op. most people commenting here just don't understand how controlling and unfair it is to be in a conservative south asian household.
ps: i've done my but ranting about controlling south asian families but if the op doesn't turn out to be from this cultural background imma be hella ashamed lol
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you are correct.
> i know that the only people in the wrong here are my parents
your parents are angry that they cannot control your brother or sil so they are taking it out on you because, as you noted, you can't really stop them from doing so. they can say that they are just following their culture or beliefs, but their behavior toward you is abusive.
given that you were raised in the same home, your brother should be a little more empathetic toward you. he was understandably annoyed by your request, but calling you an ah and equating your request with his parents controlling, intolerant behavior was uncalled for.
nta.
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holy shit, these comments, wtf.
op, you are nta. you can't help the fact that your parents are misogynists and abusive. you also have no power to change them and are probably looking to move out asap. all your sil has to do to is not show up to people she obviously doesn't want to be around or wear pants for a few hours. this isn't a big ask and people here who are calling you an asshole sound like the most unsympathetic people i've ever seen.
she knows her presence and the way she is present will cause you to endure abuse from your parents and she chooses to do it anyway. she's not an asshole for standing up against the parents, but she is an asshole for doing it knowing full well you're the only one who will suffer from it. your parents are obviously assholes too.
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info: when you asked your sil/talked to your brother did you tell them your request was because of the abuse you endure or did you focus on your sil's outfits?
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[removed]
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i'm going to say nta. most of the people who are commenting yta have no idea how difficult it is to stand up to a conservative abusive family. since op has stated that she has communicated to her brother that she ends up bearing the repercussions of sil not compromising on different attire, i think that her brother and sil are slight assholes. with that said, op, you can't live like this forever. you know that your parents are wrong. are you really happy with them? please think of yourself and get out of that house.
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you're not the asshole here, you're just caught up in something you shouldn't have to deal with.
your parents are the assholes. your brother is doing exactly what he should be doing, defending his wife.
nah, except your parents. you're not handling it correctly but you're not an asshole, per se.
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YTA
| null |
NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0.334749 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i come from a very orthodox family. there are certain rules for women in my family. like not wearing revealing clothes (even jeans and shorts), make up and roaming around alone at night. i'm aware that most of it is unfair but they won't change and i can't move out without losing all contact with my family. a few years back i started attending this language class (my parents agreed very reluctantly) and became friends with a girl there. introduced her to my older brother (m25) who would pick me up from class. long story short: they fell in love and eloped. my mother was devastated. she cried for days and blamed me for introducing "that witch" to my brother. my brother moved into an apartment pretty close to ours but maintained his distance from us and gradually died down. until this year where they finally decide to reconcile. i thought they would tone things down and slowly get my parents to approve of their marriage. it was naive of me to think so. my sil wears only short pants and skirts for every family event. she talks about moving to europe, never having kids and everything else that would give my mother a stroke. she has the luxury of saying all this and running back to the safety of her house. i'm the one who has to sit through the aftermath. the minute she leaves, my parents start yelling about how much shame and bad luck she's gonna bring our family. they also never forget to point out that none of this would have happened if i hadn't gone to that language class. i have repeatedly asked my sil to just wear normal clothes for a few hours but she doesn't listen. i guess this is her way of rebelling or getting revenge. recently, my older sister gave birth to a child and there's plenty of ceremonies that are to be performed. these ceremonies are huge and most of my relatives will be attending it. i can only imagine the fights that will start at home. my brother called to ask me if there was something he could do and i straight up told him not to show up or to show up without his wife. he called me an asshole and said i was just like our parents. i know that the only people in the wrong here are my parents but i know them and i know they won't change and i don't think wearing different set of clothes for a few hours is a big deal and if it is they can just not attend. so i think i'm not the asshole but maybe i just can't see it? so tell me reddit. english is not my first language so ignore my mistakes!
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i come from a very orthodox family. there are certain rules for women in my family. like not wearing revealing clothes (even jeans and shorts), make up and roaming around alone at night. i'm aware that most of it is unfair but they won't change and i can't move out without losing all contact with my family. a few years back i started attending this language class (my parents agreed very reluctantly) and became friends with a girl there. introduced her to my older brother (m25) who would pick me up from class. long story short: they fell in love and eloped. my mother was devastated. she cried for days and blamed me for introducing "that witch" to my brother. my brother moved into an apartment pretty close to ours but maintained his distance from us and gradually died down. until this year where they finally decide to reconcile. i thought they would tone things down and slowly get my parents to approve of their marriage. it was naive of me to think so. my sil wears only short pants and skirts for every family event. she talks about moving to europe, never having kids and everything else that would give my mother a stroke. she has the luxury of saying all this and running back to the safety of her house. i'm the one who has to sit through the aftermath. the minute she leaves, my parents start yelling about how much shame and bad luck she's gonna bring our family. they also never forget to point out that none of this would have happened if i hadn't gone to that language class. i have repeatedly asked my sil to just wear normal clothes for a few hours but she doesn't listen. i guess this is her way of rebelling or getting revenge. recently, my older sister gave birth to a child and there's plenty of ceremonies that are to be performed. these ceremonies are huge and most of my relatives will be attending it. i can only imagine the fights that will start at home. my brother called to ask me if there was something he could do and i straight up told him not to show up or to show up without his wife. he called me an asshole and said i was just like our parents. i know that the only people in the wrong here are my parents but i know them and i know they won't change and i don't think wearing different set of clothes for a few hours is a big deal and if it is they can just not attend. so i think i'm not the asshole but maybe i just can't see it? so tell me reddit. english is not my first language so ignore my mistakes! [/INST] yta - absurdly controlling behaviour (which at that level seems downright abusive in it’s own right) doesn’t get a pass because the people doing it believe in the supernatural. you don’t get a pass because it’s easier to appease the believers in the supernatural than it is to stand up for someone else’s basic human dignity to live freely. </s>
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AITA for disinviting my brother to my wedding after he told me “being gay is wrong”?
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little backstory: i’ve been out of the closet since i was 17, in 2007. when i came out, people in my family said some pretty hurtful things, which i totally expected, being from a southern baptist family in... god, it hurts to admit this but.. florida😫. but my older brother at the time seemed very receptive, surprisingly. he told me that if my dad ever gave me any trouble, to call him and he’d talk to him. that was really the last time we talked about it.
flash forward 13 years (i’m 30) and i’m getting married to my fiancé scott next year in april (if covid so graciously allows). i started putting a package together of fun things from my brother and i’s childhood, all with the intention of asking him to be my best man. however, he called me two weeks ago, claiming he’s wanted to “talk to me about this for a long time”
he went into the long tangent about how being gay is wrong and isn’t “what god wants”. he said he thinks scott is a nice guy and he loves me, but he doesn’t think it’s right that we’re getting married. it was quite a shock as scott and i have stayed with him multiple times when we visit my hometown. to top it off (and what hurts perhaps the most), he said my three old niece, whom we adore, won’t be coming to the wedding because he didn’t “want to have to explain to her what was going on here”.
notice he only said that she wasn’t coming to the wedding. i think he fully expected to still be invited after this. his wife, whom he started dating when i was 12, feels the same apparently. my whole dad’s side of the family feels the same way they do, but i’ve already written them off mostly in my mind. my mother is beyond pissed and upset at them.
i think what upsets me the most is a sense of betrayal. they were my safe spot in the family. i felt like because they’re close to my age and younger and went to college, they would understand and it wouldn’t be a big deal to them. i almost feel a bit embarrassed because scott comes from a wonderful italian catholic family and they’ve never been anything less than loving and supportive.
i told them that, on what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, if they or anyone else is sitting in the audience and in the back of their mind thinking that what we’re doing is wrong or not right, they should just stay home. i know my brother and family love me, but it feels up to a point, conditional, and limited. i told them that they learned being gay is wrong, they weren’t born not liking gay people. so they can unlearn it, if they were willing. but i don’t think that’s going to happen.
| 24,129 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hqmqs3/aita_for_disinviting_my_brother_to_my_wedding/
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2020-07-13 20:10:05
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nta. no one belongs at your wedding who isn't there to celebrate it.
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nta i'm so sorry op. your brother is a huge ah. you deserve to have people there who support and love you guys. all the hugs op
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its because family when they first hear it are like “oh its a phase” then later theyre like oh its not, better try to make them feel like our all loving god hates them.
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nta
unfortunately for some reason, weddings tend to bring out the worst of people. people say things they would otherwise hold their tongue about because they view weddings as so “final”
i’m sorry your brother revealed the ugly center
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nta - it's your day and they don't need to be there if they aren't committed to your happiness or are allowing prejudice to change the way they treat you.
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nta - it was a backstabbing move to betray you and your partner. enjoy your day.
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nta. no homophobes allowed.
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not even a little bit. why have someone at your wedding who thinks that way? i don't care if it's a family member or not.
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nta. i do not really understand what he was hoping to achieve with his little speech. you are not the asshole if you choose to not invite him to the wedding. apparently, his faith has him reject his own brother...just like jesus wanted!
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nta. you deserve to be surrounded by those that love you on your wedding, regardless of being related by blood.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: little backstory: i’ve been out of the closet since i was 17, in 2007. when i came out, people in my family said some pretty hurtful things, which i totally expected, being from a southern baptist family in... god, it hurts to admit this but.. florida😫. but my older brother at the time seemed very receptive, surprisingly. he told me that if my dad ever gave me any trouble, to call him and he’d talk to him. that was really the last time we talked about it. flash forward 13 years (i’m 30) and i’m getting married to my fiancé scott next year in april (if covid so graciously allows). i started putting a package together of fun things from my brother and i’s childhood, all with the intention of asking him to be my best man. however, he called me two weeks ago, claiming he’s wanted to “talk to me about this for a long time” he went into the long tangent about how being gay is wrong and isn’t “what god wants”. he said he thinks scott is a nice guy and he loves me, but he doesn’t think it’s right that we’re getting married. it was quite a shock as scott and i have stayed with him multiple times when we visit my hometown. to top it off (and what hurts perhaps the most), he said my three old niece, whom we adore, won’t be coming to the wedding because he didn’t “want to have to explain to her what was going on here”. notice he only said that she wasn’t coming to the wedding. i think he fully expected to still be invited after this. his wife, whom he started dating when i was 12, feels the same apparently. my whole dad’s side of the family feels the same way they do, but i’ve already written them off mostly in my mind. my mother is beyond pissed and upset at them. i think what upsets me the most is a sense of betrayal. they were my safe spot in the family. i felt like because they’re close to my age and younger and went to college, they would understand and it wouldn’t be a big deal to them. i almost feel a bit embarrassed because scott comes from a wonderful italian catholic family and they’ve never been anything less than loving and supportive. i told them that, on what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, if they or anyone else is sitting in the audience and in the back of their mind thinking that what we’re doing is wrong or not right, they should just stay home. i know my brother and family love me, but it feels up to a point, conditional, and limited. i told them that they learned being gay is wrong, they weren’t born not liking gay people. so they can unlearn it, if they were willing. but i don’t think that’s going to happen.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
little backstory: i’ve been out of the closet since i was 17, in 2007. when i came out, people in my family said some pretty hurtful things, which i totally expected, being from a southern baptist family in... god, it hurts to admit this but.. florida😫. but my older brother at the time seemed very receptive, surprisingly. he told me that if my dad ever gave me any trouble, to call him and he’d talk to him. that was really the last time we talked about it. flash forward 13 years (i’m 30) and i’m getting married to my fiancé scott next year in april (if covid so graciously allows). i started putting a package together of fun things from my brother and i’s childhood, all with the intention of asking him to be my best man. however, he called me two weeks ago, claiming he’s wanted to “talk to me about this for a long time” he went into the long tangent about how being gay is wrong and isn’t “what god wants”. he said he thinks scott is a nice guy and he loves me, but he doesn’t think it’s right that we’re getting married. it was quite a shock as scott and i have stayed with him multiple times when we visit my hometown. to top it off (and what hurts perhaps the most), he said my three old niece, whom we adore, won’t be coming to the wedding because he didn’t “want to have to explain to her what was going on here”. notice he only said that she wasn’t coming to the wedding. i think he fully expected to still be invited after this. his wife, whom he started dating when i was 12, feels the same apparently. my whole dad’s side of the family feels the same way they do, but i’ve already written them off mostly in my mind. my mother is beyond pissed and upset at them. i think what upsets me the most is a sense of betrayal. they were my safe spot in the family. i felt like because they’re close to my age and younger and went to college, they would understand and it wouldn’t be a big deal to them. i almost feel a bit embarrassed because scott comes from a wonderful italian catholic family and they’ve never been anything less than loving and supportive. i told them that, on what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, if they or anyone else is sitting in the audience and in the back of their mind thinking that what we’re doing is wrong or not right, they should just stay home. i know my brother and family love me, but it feels up to a point, conditional, and limited. i told them that they learned being gay is wrong, they weren’t born not liking gay people. so they can unlearn it, if they were willing. but i don’t think that’s going to happen. [/INST] nta. no one belongs at your wedding who isn't there to celebrate it. </s>
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AITA for telling my sister that she should have gone to college if she wanted a life like mine?
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hello everyone, please excuse my grammar. english is my 4th language and 100% self taught. also this will be a long post.
my sister and i are twins (33f). we come from a culture where arranged marriages are an option (not india). mostly they are blind dates set by a matchmaker. and if you are compatible you marry.
when we both graduated highschool, my sister (who was valedictorian btw) chose not to attend college. she asked for an arranged marriage since all she wanted to be was a wife and mother (nothing wrong with that). my parents (who are a love match) tried to convince her to at least get her bachelor's. she refused. i on the other hand started attending an engineering college (computer engineering)
a year later she married a man that she met through the matchmaker. he is a very nice man, a teacher and treats my sister like a queen. the thing is he was just a freshly hired teacher. my sister went from living in a double income house with parents being both high earners (a doctor and a lawyer) to a single income house on a teacher's salary.
i graduated at 23, started working as a cyber security personnel for a big bank. after 2 years of dating around, i too asked for an arranged marriage.
my husband is a business owner (real estate developer) and he makes a lot more than i do. he also comes from money.
my sister didn't like him from the get go, she even threw a tantrum (thankfully in private) in my wedding. apparently the bride gifts he brought were tacky (more like very expensive, more than what yer husband could get her)
the problem is that my first child is now at the age where she will be starting pre-school, we signed her for a private school. the monthly tuition is more than what her husband makes.
when she heard this she just exploded. she was ranting about how it's not fair that our kids will not have equal opportunities, how the only reason i could live like i do was that my parents chose a better husband for me.
i became angry, for how she treats me, how unfair she was to her husband and my parents, so i laid the truth on her, i told her i got matched with a better husband because i am a college educated woman with a respectable job, and that wealthy men using matchmakers don't want 19 years old highschool graduates, their standards are higher. i told her that her husband is a wonderful man who loves her, but if all she wanted was wealthy man she should have gone to college.
now she is nc with me, she says that i am an elitist ah.
so aita?
| 21,819 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v2so1r/aita_for_telling_my_sister_that_she_should_have/
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2022-06-01 21:58:39
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nta.
she's jealous/envious of your life because you decided to go through college and became successful. also, how horrible she is to be talking about someone she presumably loves. sounds like she was only marrying for money, not for love.
you told her point blank what it is. if she wanted a wealthy husband, she should've went to college. her decisions/choices are the reason why her life is the way it is. also, it's her fault that her children won't have the same opportunities as yours.
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nta. she's so jelly you could call her smuckers.
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first, 4 languages?!?!?! damn, op! that’s awesome!
you’re nta. truth hurts.
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esh - she is clearly envious but you clearly like to throw in extra details to make sure people know how great you are. some examples
* english is my 4th language and 100% self taught
* apparently the bride gifts he brought were tacky (more like very expensive, more than what yer husband could get her)
* the monthly tuition is more than what her husband makes
i can already tell when you talk about your life with her you are giving her the business and making sure she knows how much better things are turning out for you in a very condescending way. "oh sister, if you had just been like me and done this and that".
she probably should just go nc with you for her own mental health.
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nta
she's jealous of you and your husband's success. i don't really know how matchmaking works, but if i were to use one as a university educated woman, i would want an equally educated partner, as we would be more compatible, especially in terms of life goals. my husband agrees, so i trust you that education plays a big role in matchmaking. and it sounds like her husband is a sweetheart, so she's being an ah to him too.
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your husband isn't "better", he just makes more money... esh
her for being shallow & jealous, & you for that dumb comment.
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sigh this is hard. i really feel for your sister. really important decisions get made when people are far too young to understand how much money matters. and that even if you want a simple life, money will mean way more than your teenage self could ever imagine. that said, no op, you’re not an asshole. but neither is your sister.
also, i think you may be overestimating how much of your financial well being was good luck vs. hard work. not to say you didn’t work hard. but so do a lot of people. and i think you are also overestimating how much of your sisters situation is due to poor choices. even if she did what you did it could have ended up very differently.
jealousy and regret are horrible emotions and i’m sure your sister is swamped with both. while her behavior is not great, compassion may have been a better option than telling her, essentially, that you are doing better because you are better.
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"hello everyone, please excuse my grammar. english is my 4th language and 100% self taught."
this shit made me laugh out loud and; "...says that i am an elitist" def sound like one with that first line xd
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esh - your sister needs to pull in her jealousy because in the end it’s just stuff and has no bearing happiness. she’s got a comfortable life and should focus on her own family and achievements. the fact that she can school her children should be enough, a stay at home mom means she can personally supplement any education any school provided by working with her children at home, working mothers do not have that luxury.
however this is your twin and instead of sitting down and discussing what was really bothering her you lashed out and called her education level into question. some people can be well educated yet still be dumb when it comes to social skills. what’s really bothering your sister? is her marriage not going well? has your husband done something that raised a flag so she doesn’t think he’s worthy of you with or without money? is her being raised in a wealthy household then going to middle income making her question her own self worth as a wife and mother so her self esteem is low?
there could be all sorts of nuances here to her feelings that you dismissed with your education jab. she can still go to school and learn just as much or more than you. heck she can do that outside of school if she desired. also her husband could invent the next great whatever and be the next multi billionaire who knows. bottom line is she’s your sister and while lashing out and poking at each other is fine when you are kids, you are both adults now and should be able to have frank and honest discussions without resorting to insults.
edit typos
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tldr. you sound like an asshole just based on the first sentence of your post.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
| null | null |
ESH
| null | 0.30677 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hello everyone, please excuse my grammar. english is my 4th language and 100% self taught. also this will be a long post. my sister and i are twins (33f). we come from a culture where arranged marriages are an option (not india). mostly they are blind dates set by a matchmaker. and if you are compatible you marry. when we both graduated highschool, my sister (who was valedictorian btw) chose not to attend college. she asked for an arranged marriage since all she wanted to be was a wife and mother (nothing wrong with that). my parents (who are a love match) tried to convince her to at least get her bachelor's. she refused. i on the other hand started attending an engineering college (computer engineering) a year later she married a man that she met through the matchmaker. he is a very nice man, a teacher and treats my sister like a queen. the thing is he was just a freshly hired teacher. my sister went from living in a double income house with parents being both high earners (a doctor and a lawyer) to a single income house on a teacher's salary. i graduated at 23, started working as a cyber security personnel for a big bank. after 2 years of dating around, i too asked for an arranged marriage. my husband is a business owner (real estate developer) and he makes a lot more than i do. he also comes from money. my sister didn't like him from the get go, she even threw a tantrum (thankfully in private) in my wedding. apparently the bride gifts he brought were tacky (more like very expensive, more than what yer husband could get her) the problem is that my first child is now at the age where she will be starting pre-school, we signed her for a private school. the monthly tuition is more than what her husband makes. when she heard this she just exploded. she was ranting about how it's not fair that our kids will not have equal opportunities, how the only reason i could live like i do was that my parents chose a better husband for me. i became angry, for how she treats me, how unfair she was to her husband and my parents, so i laid the truth on her, i told her i got matched with a better husband because i am a college educated woman with a respectable job, and that wealthy men using matchmakers don't want 19 years old highschool graduates, their standards are higher. i told her that her husband is a wonderful man who loves her, but if all she wanted was wealthy man she should have gone to college. now she is nc with me, she says that i am an elitist ah. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hello everyone, please excuse my grammar. english is my 4th language and 100% self taught. also this will be a long post. my sister and i are twins (33f). we come from a culture where arranged marriages are an option (not india). mostly they are blind dates set by a matchmaker. and if you are compatible you marry. when we both graduated highschool, my sister (who was valedictorian btw) chose not to attend college. she asked for an arranged marriage since all she wanted to be was a wife and mother (nothing wrong with that). my parents (who are a love match) tried to convince her to at least get her bachelor's. she refused. i on the other hand started attending an engineering college (computer engineering) a year later she married a man that she met through the matchmaker. he is a very nice man, a teacher and treats my sister like a queen. the thing is he was just a freshly hired teacher. my sister went from living in a double income house with parents being both high earners (a doctor and a lawyer) to a single income house on a teacher's salary. i graduated at 23, started working as a cyber security personnel for a big bank. after 2 years of dating around, i too asked for an arranged marriage. my husband is a business owner (real estate developer) and he makes a lot more than i do. he also comes from money. my sister didn't like him from the get go, she even threw a tantrum (thankfully in private) in my wedding. apparently the bride gifts he brought were tacky (more like very expensive, more than what yer husband could get her) the problem is that my first child is now at the age where she will be starting pre-school, we signed her for a private school. the monthly tuition is more than what her husband makes. when she heard this she just exploded. she was ranting about how it's not fair that our kids will not have equal opportunities, how the only reason i could live like i do was that my parents chose a better husband for me. i became angry, for how she treats me, how unfair she was to her husband and my parents, so i laid the truth on her, i told her i got matched with a better husband because i am a college educated woman with a respectable job, and that wealthy men using matchmakers don't want 19 years old highschool graduates, their standards are higher. i told her that her husband is a wonderful man who loves her, but if all she wanted was wealthy man she should have gone to college. now she is nc with me, she says that i am an elitist ah. so aita? [/INST] nta. she's jealous/envious of your life because you decided to go through college and became successful. also, how horrible she is to be talking about someone she presumably loves. sounds like she was only marrying for money, not for love. you told her point blank what it is. if she wanted a wealthy husband, she should've went to college. her decisions/choices are the reason why her life is the way it is. also, it's her fault that her children won't have the same opportunities as yours. </s>
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AITA for refusing to give my ex-husband's girlfriend a part of the inheritance?
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i (58f) was married to a man for 16 years and we had a son. after my son was killed by a drunk driver we couldn't support each other. we divorced 6 years ago, i moved to a different state and we haven't spoken since then.
about a month ago i was contacted by the executor of his will and informed of his death. his latest will was written about a year ago.
when i went i was informed that he left me everything, except for $10k that he left to his girlfriend. they were together for 2 years and lived in the same house.
now his girlfriend is demanding that i surrender all of the inheritance to her. she says that i wasn't the one that was there for him when he was drowning in his grief, that i moved on while he was still feeling guilt over the death of our son.
i have refused so far, but i still feel a bit guilty since i am planning to sell the house (our marital house, i couldn't bear to stay in it after our son's death) so she will have to look for housing (she can't afford to, she doesn't have a job). also i make a good living and own a house outright (inherited from my parents).
so aita?
| 19,696 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sm07pc/aita_for_refusing_to_give_my_exhusbands/
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2022-02-06 16:06:34
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nta. he left her money but felt you deserved more. she had her inheritance. dont give her a penny. he clearly had a reason to leave it to you.
i am so sorry about your son xxxx
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the fact that she was specifically named to get $10k (which may be taxable), he named you got the rest for a reason. it is not for us the try to understand his motive.
i’m am sorry for your loss. but you owe her nothing. i am sorry for her as well, but i have little sympathy for able adults that cannot take care of themselves. she is not your job.
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nta the gf was given $10,000. if your ex wanted her to have more he had every opportunity to do that. she should be ashamed of trying to guilt you.
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nta. she’s out of line for demanding that money. yes, she was there for a man in grief, but that’s what you do for people you love, and you don’t expect payment for it. also she’s incredibly insensitive for the loss of your son. i am very sorry to hear that, op. don’t feel bad about respecting the will.
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nta. he didn't forget her in the will, he left her the amount he wanted her to have.
don't let her guilt you, you are already being more than generous.
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he wrote it a year ago? so it's pretty new, and back then the situation was the same as now, right?
nta
if his girlfriend is unhappy, your ex is to blame
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im so sorry you and your ex-husband lost your son. nta. your husband obviously wanted you to have his inheritance. if he wanted to leave it to his gf, he would have done so when he updated his will a year ago.
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nta. it’s scary how money hungry and greedy people get after a death.
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nta. do not offer her a temporary stay.
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nta. he made the will. it was his decision to divvy up his estate the way he did. she can be pissed about that but he must have had a good reason for doing it that way. you are literally just following his directions.
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (58f) was married to a man for 16 years and we had a son. after my son was killed by a drunk driver we couldn't support each other. we divorced 6 years ago, i moved to a different state and we haven't spoken since then. about a month ago i was contacted by the executor of his will and informed of his death. his latest will was written about a year ago. when i went i was informed that he left me everything, except for $10k that he left to his girlfriend. they were together for 2 years and lived in the same house. now his girlfriend is demanding that i surrender all of the inheritance to her. she says that i wasn't the one that was there for him when he was drowning in his grief, that i moved on while he was still feeling guilt over the death of our son. i have refused so far, but i still feel a bit guilty since i am planning to sell the house (our marital house, i couldn't bear to stay in it after our son's death) so she will have to look for housing (she can't afford to, she doesn't have a job). also i make a good living and own a house outright (inherited from my parents). so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (58f) was married to a man for 16 years and we had a son. after my son was killed by a drunk driver we couldn't support each other. we divorced 6 years ago, i moved to a different state and we haven't spoken since then. about a month ago i was contacted by the executor of his will and informed of his death. his latest will was written about a year ago. when i went i was informed that he left me everything, except for $10k that he left to his girlfriend. they were together for 2 years and lived in the same house. now his girlfriend is demanding that i surrender all of the inheritance to her. she says that i wasn't the one that was there for him when he was drowning in his grief, that i moved on while he was still feeling guilt over the death of our son. i have refused so far, but i still feel a bit guilty since i am planning to sell the house (our marital house, i couldn't bear to stay in it after our son's death) so she will have to look for housing (she can't afford to, she doesn't have a job). also i make a good living and own a house outright (inherited from my parents). so aita? [/INST] nta. he left her money but felt you deserved more. she had her inheritance. dont give her a penny. he clearly had a reason to leave it to you. i am so sorry about your son xxxx </s>
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AITA for dumping my gf after her unannounced backpacking trip
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ok so this happened maybe three days ago, but first some context.
me and my (now ex) girlfriend of 3 years lived in a 2 bedroom apartment which i pay for by myself, as i make enough money to afford it and i didn’t want to trouble her by pressing her with a bill for a place that is a tiny bit out of her price range, instead we use a meter and pay the bill through my account, with her compensating her spend.
we also have always been big on trust since both of us have been cheated on in previous relationships, and didn’t want to go through that again in this one.
the fact that i pay solely this apartment is important as it allows her to spend her money on things like more expensive gifts and the occasional excursion for us (which of course i pay in part for). also the fact that we are big on trust means we tell eachother a lot about our lives and future plans.
anyways, she was always a fan of these trips abroad and loved travelling, and for the most part our trips were always fun. however, about three days ago she announced that she had bought tickets for a solo backpacking trip across south america which she was going to go on on friday, and that she had been planning this for months.
first i asked if i could come, to which she said no because she would be “discovering herself” on this trip, and when i asked why hadn’t she told me she said because i wouldn’t have allowed (or at the very least not wanted) her to go, especially alone. (which is mostly true)
well an argument ensued and at some point i finally put my foot down, it went something like this:
gf: “why can’t i just go explore the world and live life to its fullest”
me: “you can, without me or the security of my home, pack your bags and get out”
i believe it was the right thing to do as she didn’t pay for the apartment anyways, and so didn’t have any right to demand to stay, plus i was willing to give her money for a hotel for a week, which she refused.
that night she went to her parents home an hour away and my phone was blown up with people calling me a controlling asshole and the like, my question is am i really an asshole for this?
tldr: girlfriend popped a surprise solo trip on me 5 days before she left, saying she wanted to go alone and had been planning it for months, i kicked her out my house.
| 20,709 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ae5whx/aita_for_dumping_my_gf_after_her_unannounced/
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2019-01-09 11:18:19
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nta: she admitted she knew you would not like what she was about to do and you obviously did not. if anything, she sounds like she was trying to manipulate you into the trip by keeping it a secret. the people texting you should mind their business especially after hearing a one sided version of the story.
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nta. “finding herself” on a solo backpacking trip likely includes sleeping around. i’m an american living in south america and i’ve seen it quite a bit with foreigners here.
also, she’s able to pay for this trip by living off your paycheck, basically. she lived in a free, to her, apartment and you partially financially funded other trips.
at the very least, she should have told you what she was planning. springing this on you by surprise is a very large red flag.
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nta. what stands out the most to me is that she wants to go solo to “discover herself” which is usually code for fucking her way through the trip with any guy that catches her fancy.
two, and a big one for me, she essentially got to live for free with minimal expenses so she could have her income to use whichever way she wanted, including this trip. i honestly think she waited to tell you to provoke you into breaking up with her so she could be “free” on this trip with no attachments while she’s hooking up with whoever she wants. don’t be surprised if she calls you when she gets back telling you she misses you and wants to move back in and whatever else. stand your ground when that happens.
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esh - why shouldn’t she be allowed to go and do something by herself sometimes? not “letting” her go sounds controlling to me. going on a solo trip doesn’t not necessarily mean she is planning on cheating like some others have suggested, and needing to have experiences alone is a perfectly legit thing people need. still, she should have been transparent about it if she valued your relationship.
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esh.
at three years and living together there is a certain entanglements of lives that goes beyond 'do whatever you want'. you need clear communication and to at least be aware of each other's expectations even if you don't fully agree. you are, to a certain extend, a *team* and a collective entity.
she is the asshole for the surprise springing of a fucking vacation. that as someone else mentioned almost certainly at least includes the possibility of sleeping with other people.
you are definitely the asshole for kicking her out and for using the fact you pay the rent against her. regardless of who pays for it, she *lives* there and you can't just kick her out. not only morally, but also not legally, as she is almost certainly legally a tenant (so depending on your exact construction you either have no legality to kick her out if she is on the lease or you just did an illegal eviction if she is not because by now she is effectively a tenant of yours).
if you didn't like the fact you paid the rent, you should have addressed it, not let the resentment bottle up. that is 100% on you.
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nta, but my reason is slightly different from the others.
gf: “why can’t i just go explore the world and live life to its fullest”
meaning she's suggesting, she gets to live life to the fullest while you sit and rot.
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esh.
you do sound controlling if you would have tried to stop her going on a trip she wanted to go on. worrying would be totally normal, but trying to limit her experiences for your own comfort is a really restrictive and genuinely sad way to be in a relationship. you should never knowingly cause someone you love to miss out on something that is important to them. you find ways to work around it, or you agree that you want different things and end the relationship.
at the same time, if you're in a relationship, it means that you have to be open and honest, you have to communicate, and you have to consider the other person when making decisions. she actively hid her plans from you, informed you rather than discussing it with you, and just did what she wanted instead of expressing what she wanted. that doesn't seem like a relationship to me, and it's not one that i'd personally stay in.
i do sense that she may have felt restricted for a while and this trip may have been her acting out because she was fed up of it. if that's the case, it's not all on you, because again, this is something she should have communicated; but you may want to listen and look at whether you have any issues with control (particularly if you do believe it's your role to "allow" a partner to do something).
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nta sounds like your financial situation was based on an assumption that her money would still be spent fairly as a couple. living rent free then dropping thousands (?) on a trip is selfish as hell. she’s definitely the asshole.
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info, so much left out here. not sure any amount of info you give would fill it in. couple thoughts, sounds like she knows you pretty well, that you would tell her no and talk her out of it. which is what you did. not a great plan on her part cause sooner or later you'd notice she was gone. i would ask, and you can ignore, what roughly are your ages? has she ever lived alone? did you discuss her need to "find herself?". she may have real reasons for this.
if she told you months ago, that she was going on this trip, and refused to not do it, would you have still gone with gtfo? what is it about this trip that it has to be cancel it or gtfo? i mean i get being scared she may get hurt, or dead. if my wife did this before we had kids, i would have serious concerns, for her safety, and while she was gone i would have been worried sick (actually she did do a semester abroad in spain when in college and had a couple close calls), but in the end i would not have ended our relationship over it. i would have tried to understand and respected her reasoning.
i would say really evaluate the source of your feelings a bit. go to why, what really bugs you about this trip?
&#x200b;
&#x200b;
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nta. sounds like she actually broke up with you first but didn’t bother to mention it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.207934 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok so this happened maybe three days ago, but first some context. me and my (now ex) girlfriend of 3 years lived in a 2 bedroom apartment which i pay for by myself, as i make enough money to afford it and i didn’t want to trouble her by pressing her with a bill for a place that is a tiny bit out of her price range, instead we use a meter and pay the bill through my account, with her compensating her spend. we also have always been big on trust since both of us have been cheated on in previous relationships, and didn’t want to go through that again in this one. the fact that i pay solely this apartment is important as it allows her to spend her money on things like more expensive gifts and the occasional excursion for us (which of course i pay in part for). also the fact that we are big on trust means we tell eachother a lot about our lives and future plans. anyways, she was always a fan of these trips abroad and loved travelling, and for the most part our trips were always fun. however, about three days ago she announced that she had bought tickets for a solo backpacking trip across south america which she was going to go on on friday, and that she had been planning this for months. first i asked if i could come, to which she said no because she would be “discovering herself” on this trip, and when i asked why hadn’t she told me she said because i wouldn’t have allowed (or at the very least not wanted) her to go, especially alone. (which is mostly true) well an argument ensued and at some point i finally put my foot down, it went something like this: gf: “why can’t i just go explore the world and live life to its fullest” me: “you can, without me or the security of my home, pack your bags and get out” i believe it was the right thing to do as she didn’t pay for the apartment anyways, and so didn’t have any right to demand to stay, plus i was willing to give her money for a hotel for a week, which she refused. that night she went to her parents home an hour away and my phone was blown up with people calling me a controlling asshole and the like, my question is am i really an asshole for this? tldr: girlfriend popped a surprise solo trip on me 5 days before she left, saying she wanted to go alone and had been planning it for months, i kicked her out my house.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ok so this happened maybe three days ago, but first some context. me and my (now ex) girlfriend of 3 years lived in a 2 bedroom apartment which i pay for by myself, as i make enough money to afford it and i didn’t want to trouble her by pressing her with a bill for a place that is a tiny bit out of her price range, instead we use a meter and pay the bill through my account, with her compensating her spend. we also have always been big on trust since both of us have been cheated on in previous relationships, and didn’t want to go through that again in this one. the fact that i pay solely this apartment is important as it allows her to spend her money on things like more expensive gifts and the occasional excursion for us (which of course i pay in part for). also the fact that we are big on trust means we tell eachother a lot about our lives and future plans. anyways, she was always a fan of these trips abroad and loved travelling, and for the most part our trips were always fun. however, about three days ago she announced that she had bought tickets for a solo backpacking trip across south america which she was going to go on on friday, and that she had been planning this for months. first i asked if i could come, to which she said no because she would be “discovering herself” on this trip, and when i asked why hadn’t she told me she said because i wouldn’t have allowed (or at the very least not wanted) her to go, especially alone. (which is mostly true) well an argument ensued and at some point i finally put my foot down, it went something like this: gf: “why can’t i just go explore the world and live life to its fullest” me: “you can, without me or the security of my home, pack your bags and get out” i believe it was the right thing to do as she didn’t pay for the apartment anyways, and so didn’t have any right to demand to stay, plus i was willing to give her money for a hotel for a week, which she refused. that night she went to her parents home an hour away and my phone was blown up with people calling me a controlling asshole and the like, my question is am i really an asshole for this? tldr: girlfriend popped a surprise solo trip on me 5 days before she left, saying she wanted to go alone and had been planning it for months, i kicked her out my house. [/INST] nta: she admitted she knew you would not like what she was about to do and you obviously did not. if anything, she sounds like she was trying to manipulate you into the trip by keeping it a secret. the people texting you should mind their business especially after hearing a one sided version of the story. </s>
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AITA for “shaming” my sister a few weeks after she gave birth?
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okay, so i’m using a throwaway.
i (24f) am staying with my sister, have been for the past 9 months to help out with my sister (26f) during her pregnancy, she gave birth via c-section 3 weeks back.
yesterday a few relatives came to meet my sister (who we’ll call beth) and the baby.
so beth was not really upto sitting with our relatives the entire time (she complained of feeling sick and feeling pains in her stomach) so she often went back to her bedroom, leaving me to talk with the relatives.
somehow my marriage came up in conversation and one of my uncles asked me about my husband. i have been married for 3 years. i told them he was fine and just a bit busy adjusting back to in person work.
then my aunt asked me when i was planning on having a baby, and that having a baby when i would be 30+ was a bad decision, etc.
the thing is that i don’t really want babies. for one i really don’t want to go through the pain of it all. i had been there with beth during her entire pregnancy and i also went to visit her after her c-section. i’m also very scared about a lot of things about pregnancy. i have body dysmorphia and after beth’s c-section, she would constantly pick apart flaws in her body. she used to never do that and always used to be very proud of her body. so i imagined if she was so insecure about her body after pregnancy, i would be much, much worse.
i didn’t want to tell them the whole of it so i just told them that pregnancy would possibly ruin my body and that i wasn’t really upto all the symptoms during pregnancy.
they just nodded and carried on talking.
an hour after they left, i tried to talk to my sister but she wasn’t opening the door. i didn’t understand why but she would just keep saying that she needed to rest for a bit and asked me to take the baby to her so that the baby could feed.
after that she locked the door and told me not to disturb her. i thought it was probably post pregnancy pains or something like that but my mother called me and asked me if i had said that post pregnancy bodies were ugly. i told her i didn’t.
she told me to stop lying and that when my aunt called her she told her that i said that post-pregnancy bodies were ruined, etc. she told me that my sister was really hurt by that comment, considering that i had told my sister multiple times her body was very pretty after birth.
i was really confused because i didn’t mean that bodies were ruined after pregnancy, i meant my perception of my body would be ruined. i tried to explain that to my mother but she told me that she could do anything about it but it was really hurtful of me to say that.
so, reddit, am i the asshole for saying that i didn’t want to get pregnant because it ruined how i saw my body? i think i might be the asshole because my sister is really sensitive right now and i might have shamed her body by that comment even though that wasn’t my intention.
| 5,007 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lw49tb/aita_for_shaming_my_sister_a_few_weeks_after_she/
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2021-03-02 15:15:55
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yta
you didn't say "i'm afraid it will ruin my perception of my body."
you said "it will ruin my body."
\--> those are two very different statements. certainly in the eyes of a new mother.
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for having body dysmorphia and a fear of what pregnancy might do to your body, you have a shocking lack of empathy for someone with brand new body image issues based on what pregnancy did do to her body. i don’t think you’re necessarily a huge asshole for doing it - it was a mistake and you were thoughtless. but upon being told of the misunderstanding, you did not immediately see the body image issues your sister is facing and how body image is so fragile, and persist in thinking you did nothing wrong. for saying she’s potentially being unreasonable about someone talking about her body in a negative way, and coming on to reddit to post an aita? the fact that you have your issues and didn’t immediately think you were an asshole makes you one. yta
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nta- you were pressured by your aunt to talk about a subject you are not comfortable talking about. you gave a quick answer and hoped she would drop it. she turned around and told everyone a misinterpreted opinion you had about your sister. unless you specifically said "i don't want to have kids because it messed up my sister's body" you were not talking about her (sister) you were offering up your reasoning for not wanting a baby.
*edit. thank you for the award kind redditor.
mostly i think the issue should be with the aunt for being in a baby frenzy and pressuring op into answering a question that op isn't comfortable answering. then the aunt shared this information with the sister and her mom. unless op yelled through the house, "i don't want a baby because it totally screwed up my sister's body." then everything else was interpretation on the aunt's part.
*edit 2 thank you for the multiple awards.
op i hope your sister talks to you and you can understand her side of the hurt and can work through it. it seems like you care a lot about your sister.
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i totally get it wasn’t your intention, but .... soft yta. your comment, while not meant to be necessarily about your sister, directly relates to her and is a comment on her current appearance. i would apologize and give her space. although it may be uncomfortable, if you want to salvage your relationship with her i would also suggest coming clean about your own body image issues and how it contributed to what you said but that it’s not a reflection of what you actually think about her body.
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nta. you even stated it yourself, but your aunt and mother took it out of context. you stated, and i quote:
"i have body dysmorphia and after beth's c-section, she would constantly pick apart flaws in her body."
you said she never did this, and that she was proud of her body. so if she was so insecure about her body after pregnancy, you felt that you would have it much worse including the fact that you didn't want to go through the pain of what they went through. you also said, and i quote:
"i didn’t want to tell them the whole of it so i just told them that pregnancy would possibly ruin my body and that i wasn’t really upto all the symptoms during pregnancy."
neither did you ever mean to intentionally insult your sister. you never claimed that post-pregnancy bodies were ruined. your aunt mistook that like and idiot in her own words (sorry for calling your aunt an idiot), lied to your mother which got her to get on your case, and resulted in this aftermath.
so to end my post, you're nta. your mother didn't listen, so that's her problem when she comes to deal with it later. however, i suggest talking to your sister to explain your side since this is a vulnerable moment in time for her. good luck op.
you're nta.
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yta. you said that “pregnancy would ruin my body”. the reasons behind your statement really don’t matter in this case, you still said it and your sister still heard. you have every right to not have a baby, for any reason you choose, but you picked a really bad time and place to say it.
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nah to op and sister. op’s aunt is acting like a shit stirring bitch though.
aunt comes over and asks intrusive questions about op’s life and reproductive choices, then badgers op into answering awkwardly. then aunt leaves and calls up op’s newly post partum sister and tells her the answers... just to make sure everyone’s day is ruined? like wtf? is aunt always the family dramamonger?
op, just be honest with your sister and apologize for hurting her feelings (because they are hurt, even if it’s not your fault), but point out aunt did this to you guys. and see aunt waaay waaay less.
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nta and i’m honestly kind of confused by all the “yta” comments. you did not tell your sister that and you probably didn’t know she could hear it, i say all the time that i don’t want to ruin my body through pregnancy it’s a pretty normal concern. just because you don’t want that for your body doesn’t mean you’re shaming everyone who has ever had a kid. especially if you’re someone with body image issues. it sucks that she took the comment that way but obviously it puts you through some extreme changes. also your family sounds like they suck. tell them to mind their own when it comes to you and your decision on having kids.
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nta, u didn't say pregnancy bodies are disgusting. u said u would not want to ruin your body. you have a right 2 your opinion. your sister is sensitive cos she just had a baby. your mom is an ass for not listening to how you responded. but i think not an asshole.
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nta- i’m so surprised by all the yta comments. because you didn’t word it a specific way you’re in the wrong? you said “pregnancy would possibly ruin my body and that i wasn’t really upto all the symptoms during pregnancy.” legitimate reasons and nothing negative regarding your sister. not once did you say post pregnancy body was ugly you talked about yourself, that’s it. the assholes are your family for 1. asking when you were going to have a baby not knowing your health status or desire for children and 2. then telling you that it was a bad idea to have children after 30. and 3. running back to your mother to gossip instead of saying whatever they felt needed to be said then and there. if they deemed you rude it could have been addressed and all would have been cleared up. as for your sister she’s may be going through postpartum so anything could make her feel down which happens when hormones are unbalanced. but you dear are nta.
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.686375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay, so i’m using a throwaway. i (24f) am staying with my sister, have been for the past 9 months to help out with my sister (26f) during her pregnancy, she gave birth via c-section 3 weeks back. yesterday a few relatives came to meet my sister (who we’ll call beth) and the baby. so beth was not really upto sitting with our relatives the entire time (she complained of feeling sick and feeling pains in her stomach) so she often went back to her bedroom, leaving me to talk with the relatives. somehow my marriage came up in conversation and one of my uncles asked me about my husband. i have been married for 3 years. i told them he was fine and just a bit busy adjusting back to in person work. then my aunt asked me when i was planning on having a baby, and that having a baby when i would be 30+ was a bad decision, etc. the thing is that i don’t really want babies. for one i really don’t want to go through the pain of it all. i had been there with beth during her entire pregnancy and i also went to visit her after her c-section. i’m also very scared about a lot of things about pregnancy. i have body dysmorphia and after beth’s c-section, she would constantly pick apart flaws in her body. she used to never do that and always used to be very proud of her body. so i imagined if she was so insecure about her body after pregnancy, i would be much, much worse. i didn’t want to tell them the whole of it so i just told them that pregnancy would possibly ruin my body and that i wasn’t really upto all the symptoms during pregnancy. they just nodded and carried on talking. an hour after they left, i tried to talk to my sister but she wasn’t opening the door. i didn’t understand why but she would just keep saying that she needed to rest for a bit and asked me to take the baby to her so that the baby could feed. after that she locked the door and told me not to disturb her. i thought it was probably post pregnancy pains or something like that but my mother called me and asked me if i had said that post pregnancy bodies were ugly. i told her i didn’t. she told me to stop lying and that when my aunt called her she told her that i said that post-pregnancy bodies were ruined, etc. she told me that my sister was really hurt by that comment, considering that i had told my sister multiple times her body was very pretty after birth. i was really confused because i didn’t mean that bodies were ruined after pregnancy, i meant my perception of my body would be ruined. i tried to explain that to my mother but she told me that she could do anything about it but it was really hurtful of me to say that. so, reddit, am i the asshole for saying that i didn’t want to get pregnant because it ruined how i saw my body? i think i might be the asshole because my sister is really sensitive right now and i might have shamed her body by that comment even though that wasn’t my intention.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay, so i’m using a throwaway. i (24f) am staying with my sister, have been for the past 9 months to help out with my sister (26f) during her pregnancy, she gave birth via c-section 3 weeks back. yesterday a few relatives came to meet my sister (who we’ll call beth) and the baby. so beth was not really upto sitting with our relatives the entire time (she complained of feeling sick and feeling pains in her stomach) so she often went back to her bedroom, leaving me to talk with the relatives. somehow my marriage came up in conversation and one of my uncles asked me about my husband. i have been married for 3 years. i told them he was fine and just a bit busy adjusting back to in person work. then my aunt asked me when i was planning on having a baby, and that having a baby when i would be 30+ was a bad decision, etc. the thing is that i don’t really want babies. for one i really don’t want to go through the pain of it all. i had been there with beth during her entire pregnancy and i also went to visit her after her c-section. i’m also very scared about a lot of things about pregnancy. i have body dysmorphia and after beth’s c-section, she would constantly pick apart flaws in her body. she used to never do that and always used to be very proud of her body. so i imagined if she was so insecure about her body after pregnancy, i would be much, much worse. i didn’t want to tell them the whole of it so i just told them that pregnancy would possibly ruin my body and that i wasn’t really upto all the symptoms during pregnancy. they just nodded and carried on talking. an hour after they left, i tried to talk to my sister but she wasn’t opening the door. i didn’t understand why but she would just keep saying that she needed to rest for a bit and asked me to take the baby to her so that the baby could feed. after that she locked the door and told me not to disturb her. i thought it was probably post pregnancy pains or something like that but my mother called me and asked me if i had said that post pregnancy bodies were ugly. i told her i didn’t. she told me to stop lying and that when my aunt called her she told her that i said that post-pregnancy bodies were ruined, etc. she told me that my sister was really hurt by that comment, considering that i had told my sister multiple times her body was very pretty after birth. i was really confused because i didn’t mean that bodies were ruined after pregnancy, i meant my perception of my body would be ruined. i tried to explain that to my mother but she told me that she could do anything about it but it was really hurtful of me to say that. so, reddit, am i the asshole for saying that i didn’t want to get pregnant because it ruined how i saw my body? i think i might be the asshole because my sister is really sensitive right now and i might have shamed her body by that comment even though that wasn’t my intention. [/INST] yta you didn't say "i'm afraid it will ruin my perception of my body." you said "it will ruin my body." \--> those are two very different statements. certainly in the eyes of a new mother. </s>
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AITA for not telling him dinner is ready?
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my husband has an obsession with tiktok he’s 40 btw not 14. he takes his phone to the bathroom and will spend ages just mindlessly scrolling. we have 2 young kids and i think he just does it for some peace.
but it means i’m constantly having to go and knock on the door are you ok? are you going to be long? will you come and help with the tiny humans? it’s a pita.
i was making a full roast dinner and saw him heading off upstairs. i said it’ll be ready in 20 minutes don’t be long.
set the table, finished cooking, plated up got the kids to the table and just thought i’m not going to seek him this is ridiculous. i 100% wanted to see how long it would take him to come out on his own- 2 hours and 10 minutes.
in that time we had finished the meal, i had cleaned the kitchen and the floor, done the dishes and done a load of laundry and the kids were half way through a film.
he came down and and yelled at me that i should have told him the meal was ready. i told him i’m not his mother and it’s not my job to go and seek him. he’s stormed out saying he’s not eating his meal now as roast dinners are rubbish heated in the microwave and this is all my fault and iata.
| 29,196 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ndtjqu/aita_for_not_telling_him_dinner_is_ready/
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2021-05-16 17:42:14
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nta.
are you sure he's not 14? storming out because you didn't tell him the dinner you made was ready after you told him it would be 20 minutes is something a 14yo would do. a 40yo should apologize for taking so long and thank you for making dinner, feeding his kids and cleaning up.
you two need to have a long talk about this.
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thank you all. this has been going on for the last 6-7 weeks, before then he was fully engaged as a spouse and as a father. now he’s acting like a sullen teenager. we will talk tonight when he comes back from wherever he’s stormed off to try and get to the bottom of what’s going on. the people who said i have 3 kids right now are 100% correct
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[removed]
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nta
>we have 2 young kids
no, you have 2 young kids and one old one. there's only one adult in this house
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nta. your husband's behaviour screams social media addiction, specifically tiktok. if he's not listening to you, ducking out on parental responsibilities and losing track of 2 hours of time then it may be worth really sitting him down and discussing this.
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nta stop chasing after him to make sure he gets his dinner when it is ready. you told him it would be ready in 20mins he spent 130mins in the bathroom having fun with himself. good for you for standing up for yourself.
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first 100000% nta.
so, mark me if i didn't get something.
\-you have 2 kids... that you didn't make on your own, so they're his too.
\-the cooking is all yours.
\-the cleaning all yours.
\-childcare (doing all the above) still all yours.
\-i assume he's not doing house chores either.
\-but you have to feed him... which you do.
\-and you have to be sure he's fed by chasing him through the house.
\-and you have to control his screen time.
\-also he doesn't seem to give a fuck about your feelings or provide emotional support.
&#x200b;
so please, can you tell me, besides a second salary to the house (i hope)... why is your life with him better than without him? because without at least you would have less chores to do.
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that dude is jacking off. tiktok has porn. that dude, is jacking off. nta, that was inconsiderate of him
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[deleted]
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nta. he was on a device that tells you the time and comes equipped with an alarm, for goodness sake.
this may have been a bit passive-aggressive, but it sounds like you're understandably at the end of your rope. the two of you need to have a serious discussion about how his obsession is impacting your family.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband has an obsession with tiktok he’s 40 btw not 14. he takes his phone to the bathroom and will spend ages just mindlessly scrolling. we have 2 young kids and i think he just does it for some peace. but it means i’m constantly having to go and knock on the door are you ok? are you going to be long? will you come and help with the tiny humans? it’s a pita. i was making a full roast dinner and saw him heading off upstairs. i said it’ll be ready in 20 minutes don’t be long. set the table, finished cooking, plated up got the kids to the table and just thought i’m not going to seek him this is ridiculous. i 100% wanted to see how long it would take him to come out on his own- 2 hours and 10 minutes. in that time we had finished the meal, i had cleaned the kitchen and the floor, done the dishes and done a load of laundry and the kids were half way through a film. he came down and and yelled at me that i should have told him the meal was ready. i told him i’m not his mother and it’s not my job to go and seek him. he’s stormed out saying he’s not eating his meal now as roast dinners are rubbish heated in the microwave and this is all my fault and iata.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband has an obsession with tiktok he’s 40 btw not 14. he takes his phone to the bathroom and will spend ages just mindlessly scrolling. we have 2 young kids and i think he just does it for some peace. but it means i’m constantly having to go and knock on the door are you ok? are you going to be long? will you come and help with the tiny humans? it’s a pita. i was making a full roast dinner and saw him heading off upstairs. i said it’ll be ready in 20 minutes don’t be long. set the table, finished cooking, plated up got the kids to the table and just thought i’m not going to seek him this is ridiculous. i 100% wanted to see how long it would take him to come out on his own- 2 hours and 10 minutes. in that time we had finished the meal, i had cleaned the kitchen and the floor, done the dishes and done a load of laundry and the kids were half way through a film. he came down and and yelled at me that i should have told him the meal was ready. i told him i’m not his mother and it’s not my job to go and seek him. he’s stormed out saying he’s not eating his meal now as roast dinners are rubbish heated in the microwave and this is all my fault and iata. [/INST] nta. are you sure he's not 14? storming out because you didn't tell him the dinner you made was ready after you told him it would be 20 minutes is something a 14yo would do. a 40yo should apologize for taking so long and thank you for making dinner, feeding his kids and cleaning up. you two need to have a long talk about this. </s>
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AITA for freaking out and not helping my husband when he had a scorpion inside his CPAP mask?
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i know this will sound almost made up but i swear on my mothers grave this isn't a karma farm or troll job. for part one we have been inundated with scorpions this year. we think it's the wet winter just caused an explosion of them. we have had them inside, outside, in the drains, clothes...everywhere. we have an exterminator but it takes time. so far no stings, thank god.
part two is my husband wears a cpap mask. it works and when he puts it on he goes into super sleep mode and is dead do the world.
he had it on last night and i read reading and out of the corner of the eye i just noticed a little black movement indside the hose that connects the humidifier to the mask. i really didn't think much of it but figured i'd get our black light just in case. in the time it took me to turn out the overhead light and find the black light flashlight the scorpion had moved up the hose much closer to his face. the black light verified that it was a scorpion. i panicked and ran out of the room.
husband must have sense my movement and screams because he woke up and took his mask off to ask me what's wrong. i didn't see it but i guess when he did that the scorpion fell into his lap. he screamed at me that there was a scorpion in the bed and to bring him the black light. i said no the scorpion is in your mask! well that caused him to freak out even more but we were able to find the scorpion and kill it.
he is so furious with me for not "helping him" when i saw the scorpion was close to his face. like so furious he isn't speaking to me and texted me that he doesn't want to be around me for date night tonight. i feel bad but i packicked and i don't know what i should have done anyways. was i the asshole for how i reacted last night?
| 4,938 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ch8jvr/aita_for_freaking_out_and_not_helping_my_husband/
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2019-07-24 14:00:57
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yta. apparently seeing your husband in danger means you... run out of the room? instead of helping??
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yta you just ran away screaming and didn’t even try to wake and tell him there’s a scorpion in his mask?
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yta, your husband could have died and you ran away from him so he was on his own with a venomous creature almost in his throat. you're very lucky you have time to post this and aren't making funeral arrangements. i get fight or flight reactions but the moment you got a grip your should have come back to help him.
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yta. scorpions are scary, i get it, but he was in a vulnerable position and you were awake and alert. you should have tried to wake him up. he could have gotten seriously hurt.
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yta. you really don't know what you should have done? woken him up, calmly but firmly and helped him get his mask off in a way that didn't end up with the scorpion touching either of you. apologize for panicking and not being helpful, and if you have such a severe scorpion phobia that you'll panic like this in the future, seek therapy.
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yta - do you really need to ask reddit if abandoning your husband to be stung by a scorpion while he’s asleep is a bad thing? really? come on... it’s obviously a bad thing. also, if the scorpion was in the hose then you were in zero danger, yet you still ran away? again... really?
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yta
i get flight or fight responses, but you just left. the only reason your husband woke up is because of your movements. you didn't even make any noise like a scream; you just left.
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yta. if my partner did this to me, you *bet* i’d cancel date night! holy shit. i can understand panicking but to leave him, still asleep, and just run outside the door? like....what was your plan if he hadn’t woken up when you raced out of the room? let your husband inhale a poisonous insect? eek.
give the man a little space op it sounds like he needs it
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i understand you acting the way you did, but yta.
while you had a natural reaction, with your hubby practically incapacitated you should have helped him even if it means you freak out for a second, run out, and then come back in to help.
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not a troll, not made up, but doesn't respond to anything? good job on accepting the fact that yta at least.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i know this will sound almost made up but i swear on my mothers grave this isn't a karma farm or troll job. for part one we have been inundated with scorpions this year. we think it's the wet winter just caused an explosion of them. we have had them inside, outside, in the drains, clothes...everywhere. we have an exterminator but it takes time. so far no stings, thank god. part two is my husband wears a cpap mask. it works and when he puts it on he goes into super sleep mode and is dead do the world. he had it on last night and i read reading and out of the corner of the eye i just noticed a little black movement indside the hose that connects the humidifier to the mask. i really didn't think much of it but figured i'd get our black light just in case. in the time it took me to turn out the overhead light and find the black light flashlight the scorpion had moved up the hose much closer to his face. the black light verified that it was a scorpion. i panicked and ran out of the room. husband must have sense my movement and screams because he woke up and took his mask off to ask me what's wrong. i didn't see it but i guess when he did that the scorpion fell into his lap. he screamed at me that there was a scorpion in the bed and to bring him the black light. i said no the scorpion is in your mask! well that caused him to freak out even more but we were able to find the scorpion and kill it. he is so furious with me for not "helping him" when i saw the scorpion was close to his face. like so furious he isn't speaking to me and texted me that he doesn't want to be around me for date night tonight. i feel bad but i packicked and i don't know what i should have done anyways. was i the asshole for how i reacted last night?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i know this will sound almost made up but i swear on my mothers grave this isn't a karma farm or troll job. for part one we have been inundated with scorpions this year. we think it's the wet winter just caused an explosion of them. we have had them inside, outside, in the drains, clothes...everywhere. we have an exterminator but it takes time. so far no stings, thank god. part two is my husband wears a cpap mask. it works and when he puts it on he goes into super sleep mode and is dead do the world. he had it on last night and i read reading and out of the corner of the eye i just noticed a little black movement indside the hose that connects the humidifier to the mask. i really didn't think much of it but figured i'd get our black light just in case. in the time it took me to turn out the overhead light and find the black light flashlight the scorpion had moved up the hose much closer to his face. the black light verified that it was a scorpion. i panicked and ran out of the room. husband must have sense my movement and screams because he woke up and took his mask off to ask me what's wrong. i didn't see it but i guess when he did that the scorpion fell into his lap. he screamed at me that there was a scorpion in the bed and to bring him the black light. i said no the scorpion is in your mask! well that caused him to freak out even more but we were able to find the scorpion and kill it. he is so furious with me for not "helping him" when i saw the scorpion was close to his face. like so furious he isn't speaking to me and texted me that he doesn't want to be around me for date night tonight. i feel bad but i packicked and i don't know what i should have done anyways. was i the asshole for how i reacted last night? [/INST] yta. apparently seeing your husband in danger means you... run out of the room? instead of helping?? </s>
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WIBTA if I just chose not to go to my sisters wedding?
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my sister has a wedding coming up this summer. its not a destination wedding, it will be in a local park/pavilion, she just told us about it recently and told us to expect the invitations, but we knew it was a possibility with as i heard recently her boyfriend asked our dad about how he would feel if they got married (essentially asking for her hand in marriage, old fashioned but i guess).
well, when we received the invitations, it said this wedding will be "child free". once i got my invitation, i called my sister up just to discuss the wedding and give her my response by phone. i didn't mention the child free part, just asked about the wedding and how her planning was going. she seemed excited, told me she can't wait to be the "center of attention" on her special day. i congratulated her, but i told her as its child free and i have two sons, i wouldn't be able to make it, i would send a gift with our parents though.
she kinda got upset and asked why i wasn't going to come. i simply told her weddings are family events for me, and if its not a family event i don't see the point (i.e. kids being allowed). our parents are the important people to be there for her special day, so i don't feel my presence as direly needed. my sister was very unhappy about this, she yelled that i never even tried to find babysitting or come to her wedding. she got angry because last year i attended our cousins wedding, and she feels hers should be more important and one i should want to attend.
their wedding wasn't child free, my kids were there, very well behaved and it was definitely a family event. i don't feel that i should shell out money to have someone watch my kids, just to watch her get married and honestly i just don't want to. i didn't mention her changing the rule, i just told her i wouldn't be attending. she got angry and is now involving my husband and parents in my decision, saying if i choose not to come she won't speak to me again (her hill to die on, not my problem). my parents would like me to come just to keep the peace, and my husband says its really my decision and he backs me either way. personally i don't feel like an asshole cause i'm not asking her to change anything, i'm just making a personal decision. wibta for not attending?
| 7,168 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/scpdm0/wibta_if_i_just_chose_not_to_go_to_my_sisters/
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2022-01-25 22:13:13
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yta. children do not have to be part of every thing that happens. you are showing your sister how little you care for her.
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going off grain here, yta... and here is specifically why.
to me, your taking a slight offense to it. the comment about how weddings should be 'family' affairs, is nonsense. to each their own. and your right in that, you don't have to go. and it is absolutely ok, and not an insult, to decline and invitation. however...
your reasoning is unsound. a lot of people want weddings to be a party! sometimes that means a grownup party where adults can enjoy the celebration and unwind worry free for a night. your sister having a childfree wedding doesn't mean she 'doesn't want family there'. just means she wants everyone who attends to enjoy them selves, responsibility free.
if you had a good/decent relationship with her growing up and now, and your simply choosing not to go over something so miniscule? yeah yta... she doesn't sound mad, she sounds sad that you can't be bothered to go and support her and have fun with her. there is nothing wrong with getting a sitter for that night so you can have a no kids night. and im a parent. so even im not sure why this is the hill you want to do die on. its kinda silly. good luck op.
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edited to change my vote to yta after reading comments. also edited my explanation.
it's messed up that you are skipping your sister's wedding and playing it off as some unimportant event. it's shitty that you can't hire a babysitter for a couple hours so you can be there. your reason of "personal freedom" is ridiculous too. i can't believe this is worth ruining your relationship with your sister over.
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yta. it seems like you are choosing a weird hill to die on. i feel like there is way more to this story than a “child free” wedding invitation.
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yta. “just to watch her get married.” that’s a pretty dismiss way to describe your sister’s wedding. the way you write about your sisters wedding comes off as incredibly judgement. (old fashioned, but i guess…if it’s not a family event, it’s not worth going.)
i could see it if this was a wedding you have to travel for, but you really won’t get a babysitter for a few hours to watch your kids so you can attend your sister’s wedding?
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yta your kids don’t have to go everywhere you go. but i think you’re just using this as an excuse not to go to your sisters wedding!
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yta, it’s your sisters wedding and you don’t seem to mention that you’re not close with her or that you’re not getting along in general so i’m going to assume that you’re ditching a very important day for her without even attempting to compromise bc you don’t wanna leave your kids for a few hours and don’t wanna pay for a babysitter.
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bleh, your high and mighty attitude makes yta. “if it’s not a family event i don’t see the point”. obviously this is a very special day for her and it seems you’re using it to make a point
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yta why is your opinion critical but your sister's opinion is not important? to the point of saying that a wedding not done your way isn't worth even an hour of your time? even your own sister's wedding?
this sounds like it's really about you wanting the attention instead of your sister.
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nta for not wanting to go, but yta for your comment about weddings being a family affair. it’s almost like you’re holding a grudge against her for not wanting to include your children in her big day. your feelings about weddings being a family affair would be valid if it were your own wedding, but her wedding isn’t about catering to your desires.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.024 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister has a wedding coming up this summer. its not a destination wedding, it will be in a local park/pavilion, she just told us about it recently and told us to expect the invitations, but we knew it was a possibility with as i heard recently her boyfriend asked our dad about how he would feel if they got married (essentially asking for her hand in marriage, old fashioned but i guess). well, when we received the invitations, it said this wedding will be "child free". once i got my invitation, i called my sister up just to discuss the wedding and give her my response by phone. i didn't mention the child free part, just asked about the wedding and how her planning was going. she seemed excited, told me she can't wait to be the "center of attention" on her special day. i congratulated her, but i told her as its child free and i have two sons, i wouldn't be able to make it, i would send a gift with our parents though. she kinda got upset and asked why i wasn't going to come. i simply told her weddings are family events for me, and if its not a family event i don't see the point (i.e. kids being allowed). our parents are the important people to be there for her special day, so i don't feel my presence as direly needed. my sister was very unhappy about this, she yelled that i never even tried to find babysitting or come to her wedding. she got angry because last year i attended our cousins wedding, and she feels hers should be more important and one i should want to attend. their wedding wasn't child free, my kids were there, very well behaved and it was definitely a family event. i don't feel that i should shell out money to have someone watch my kids, just to watch her get married and honestly i just don't want to. i didn't mention her changing the rule, i just told her i wouldn't be attending. she got angry and is now involving my husband and parents in my decision, saying if i choose not to come she won't speak to me again (her hill to die on, not my problem). my parents would like me to come just to keep the peace, and my husband says its really my decision and he backs me either way. personally i don't feel like an asshole cause i'm not asking her to change anything, i'm just making a personal decision. wibta for not attending?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister has a wedding coming up this summer. its not a destination wedding, it will be in a local park/pavilion, she just told us about it recently and told us to expect the invitations, but we knew it was a possibility with as i heard recently her boyfriend asked our dad about how he would feel if they got married (essentially asking for her hand in marriage, old fashioned but i guess). well, when we received the invitations, it said this wedding will be "child free". once i got my invitation, i called my sister up just to discuss the wedding and give her my response by phone. i didn't mention the child free part, just asked about the wedding and how her planning was going. she seemed excited, told me she can't wait to be the "center of attention" on her special day. i congratulated her, but i told her as its child free and i have two sons, i wouldn't be able to make it, i would send a gift with our parents though. she kinda got upset and asked why i wasn't going to come. i simply told her weddings are family events for me, and if its not a family event i don't see the point (i.e. kids being allowed). our parents are the important people to be there for her special day, so i don't feel my presence as direly needed. my sister was very unhappy about this, she yelled that i never even tried to find babysitting or come to her wedding. she got angry because last year i attended our cousins wedding, and she feels hers should be more important and one i should want to attend. their wedding wasn't child free, my kids were there, very well behaved and it was definitely a family event. i don't feel that i should shell out money to have someone watch my kids, just to watch her get married and honestly i just don't want to. i didn't mention her changing the rule, i just told her i wouldn't be attending. she got angry and is now involving my husband and parents in my decision, saying if i choose not to come she won't speak to me again (her hill to die on, not my problem). my parents would like me to come just to keep the peace, and my husband says its really my decision and he backs me either way. personally i don't feel like an asshole cause i'm not asking her to change anything, i'm just making a personal decision. wibta for not attending? [/INST] yta. children do not have to be part of every thing that happens. you are showing your sister how little you care for her. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers?
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background:
me (35m), my wife (34f), and our two kids (3 and 5) live in a vhcol city. i made about 5x as much as my wife, so we do pretty well. if my income were the same as my wifes we would not be able to afford to live in our city.
my job is pretty low stress, about 35ish hours a week with the only requirement that i be "on call" for 1 week out each month. normally nothing ever happens, so i do my usual routine with the understanding with my wife that if i am needed i will drop whatever we are doing and work until the work issue is resolved. this only ever happens once every quarter and only lasts a few hours.
my wife on the other hand has a much more stressful job, her boss is incredibly demanding, and often demands random and inane things just as a power play with her subordinates. she usually works about 45-50 hours a week. as a result, i take care of most home stuff, drop off / pick up kids from daycare, cook meals, and generally keep the house clean.
the aita incident:
it was an on-call week after work hours when my wife got a text from her boss about fulfilling an emergency 'request' for a client. my wife complained to me that this request really could wait until tomorrow but she would rather get it done so she doesnt have to listen to her boss bitch at her in the morning if its not done. i had no problem with it, but i reminded her that i am on-call so i might need to switch with her if something came up, she made a grunt of acknowledgement but nothing beyond that.
about 2 hours later i get an all-hands call to immediately come into the office. normally i can resolve issues remotely, but we had an issue that prevented us from remoting in. i rush upstairs and told me wife i had to leave only for her to turn around and say, "sorry but my issue came up first, you are going to have to tell your work you can't." i was taken aback and told her that no, this issue isn't something i can skip for anything short of 'i am physically in the hospital and can't come in'. she got increasingly angry and started ranting at me, but i told her that i didn't have time for this, and that i am leaving, when i get back we can discuss this. she started crying, but i had no more time, so i left for the office. on the way she called me to continue the argument and in the heat of the moment, i said, "look, i respect that you put a lot of time and energy into your work, but we cannot afford our house or lifestyle without my job, so when push comes to shove, my job has to come first otherwise we are going to be on the streets." she hung up on my after that.
when i got home about 3 hours later (around 11 pm) the kids were crashed out on the living room couch with several bowls of cereal spilled around them. i went upstairs and my wife was locked in the bedroom and refused to talk. in the morning i found out from the kids that she spent the night crying in her room and didn't feed them dinner or tuck them in so they made cereal and had a sleepover in the living room.
| 19,528 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w2t6dw/aita_for_telling_my_wife_my_job_has_to_come/
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2022-07-19 13:47:18
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nta, and her neglecting to feed your children should be a red flag
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i'm not going to lie, i was prepared to give you a y.t.a. after reading the title, but no, you're absolutely nta in this situation.
her behaviour with the kids was horrible.
she must change her job... and attitude.
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nta
your wife, however, needs to talk to a therapist. her reaction is not normal nor is it healthy. she should also look for a new job as her current job is clearly interfering with not just her life but her emotional state. she knew you were on call- this was a known, pre-arranged agreement. her suddenly going back on it & also neglecting your children is not healthy. what if one of the kids choked on the cereal? what if one of them slammed their head into something which gave them a concussion? not caring for the children is a serious issue & signs of a much larger problem.
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i was going to go with no ah here until the last paragraph. she knew you were on call, her work didn't have to be done there and then, ergo when your work called she should've stopped working and acted like a parent to your children! having a childish tantrum in her room and ignoring the kids is unacceptable. if her job is so shitty she should move roles, not take it out on her family. you're nta.
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nta
as you correctly stated the family depends on your job. however, two points that you both should consider:
* there is no need for her to have such a demanding and stressful job considering the family situation. she should find something else she finds fulfilling without all the stress.
* your family's life is hugely depending on your job. therefore, you should prepare with savings/ insurance in case something happens to it or you.
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a lot of people have responded and encourage my wife to go to therapy, too many to reply individually, so i will just leave it here.
i have brought up therapy before but she is very resistant to it. she always has an excuse like "im too busy", or "they wont be able to help me".
im not sure what more i could do for her when she won't do anything to change the situation.
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nta
she's being unnecessarily argumentative and ignorant.
your job is worth more, that's just the way it is. if you lost your job tomorrow, you as a family would feel it. if she lost hers, probably not so much.
her ego is getting in the way of what's important.
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you do most of the housework, the childcare, the cooking, and provide almost all of the money. the one time you really need your wife, she locks herself into your room to cry and doesn't feed your kids. i'd be looking for a divorce lawyer. what is she contributing to your life? it sounds like she just adds stress.
if she wants to work a high stress job with too many hours and a terrible boss that's her problem but i wouldn't want it to be mine anymore and i wouldn't want it to be my kids' problem. nta. your kids are three and five. good job on them feeding themselves and getting themselves to sleep.
her crying like that or trying to tell you that her work non emergency is more important is very manipulative. you've tried and encouraged her to get a new job and she refuses. she needs to go to counseling asap or i'd say it's over if you even want to bother.
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[deleted]
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nta
she neglected your kids. for me that is the worst thing you could do. and all because of personal selfish reasons. i would divorce her
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: background: me (35m), my wife (34f), and our two kids (3 and 5) live in a vhcol city. i made about 5x as much as my wife, so we do pretty well. if my income were the same as my wifes we would not be able to afford to live in our city. my job is pretty low stress, about 35ish hours a week with the only requirement that i be "on call" for 1 week out each month. normally nothing ever happens, so i do my usual routine with the understanding with my wife that if i am needed i will drop whatever we are doing and work until the work issue is resolved. this only ever happens once every quarter and only lasts a few hours. my wife on the other hand has a much more stressful job, her boss is incredibly demanding, and often demands random and inane things just as a power play with her subordinates. she usually works about 45-50 hours a week. as a result, i take care of most home stuff, drop off / pick up kids from daycare, cook meals, and generally keep the house clean. the aita incident: it was an on-call week after work hours when my wife got a text from her boss about fulfilling an emergency 'request' for a client. my wife complained to me that this request really could wait until tomorrow but she would rather get it done so she doesnt have to listen to her boss bitch at her in the morning if its not done. i had no problem with it, but i reminded her that i am on-call so i might need to switch with her if something came up, she made a grunt of acknowledgement but nothing beyond that. about 2 hours later i get an all-hands call to immediately come into the office. normally i can resolve issues remotely, but we had an issue that prevented us from remoting in. i rush upstairs and told me wife i had to leave only for her to turn around and say, "sorry but my issue came up first, you are going to have to tell your work you can't." i was taken aback and told her that no, this issue isn't something i can skip for anything short of 'i am physically in the hospital and can't come in'. she got increasingly angry and started ranting at me, but i told her that i didn't have time for this, and that i am leaving, when i get back we can discuss this. she started crying, but i had no more time, so i left for the office. on the way she called me to continue the argument and in the heat of the moment, i said, "look, i respect that you put a lot of time and energy into your work, but we cannot afford our house or lifestyle without my job, so when push comes to shove, my job has to come first otherwise we are going to be on the streets." she hung up on my after that. when i got home about 3 hours later (around 11 pm) the kids were crashed out on the living room couch with several bowls of cereal spilled around them. i went upstairs and my wife was locked in the bedroom and refused to talk. in the morning i found out from the kids that she spent the night crying in her room and didn't feed them dinner or tuck them in so they made cereal and had a sleepover in the living room.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
background: me (35m), my wife (34f), and our two kids (3 and 5) live in a vhcol city. i made about 5x as much as my wife, so we do pretty well. if my income were the same as my wifes we would not be able to afford to live in our city. my job is pretty low stress, about 35ish hours a week with the only requirement that i be "on call" for 1 week out each month. normally nothing ever happens, so i do my usual routine with the understanding with my wife that if i am needed i will drop whatever we are doing and work until the work issue is resolved. this only ever happens once every quarter and only lasts a few hours. my wife on the other hand has a much more stressful job, her boss is incredibly demanding, and often demands random and inane things just as a power play with her subordinates. she usually works about 45-50 hours a week. as a result, i take care of most home stuff, drop off / pick up kids from daycare, cook meals, and generally keep the house clean. the aita incident: it was an on-call week after work hours when my wife got a text from her boss about fulfilling an emergency 'request' for a client. my wife complained to me that this request really could wait until tomorrow but she would rather get it done so she doesnt have to listen to her boss bitch at her in the morning if its not done. i had no problem with it, but i reminded her that i am on-call so i might need to switch with her if something came up, she made a grunt of acknowledgement but nothing beyond that. about 2 hours later i get an all-hands call to immediately come into the office. normally i can resolve issues remotely, but we had an issue that prevented us from remoting in. i rush upstairs and told me wife i had to leave only for her to turn around and say, "sorry but my issue came up first, you are going to have to tell your work you can't." i was taken aback and told her that no, this issue isn't something i can skip for anything short of 'i am physically in the hospital and can't come in'. she got increasingly angry and started ranting at me, but i told her that i didn't have time for this, and that i am leaving, when i get back we can discuss this. she started crying, but i had no more time, so i left for the office. on the way she called me to continue the argument and in the heat of the moment, i said, "look, i respect that you put a lot of time and energy into your work, but we cannot afford our house or lifestyle without my job, so when push comes to shove, my job has to come first otherwise we are going to be on the streets." she hung up on my after that. when i got home about 3 hours later (around 11 pm) the kids were crashed out on the living room couch with several bowls of cereal spilled around them. i went upstairs and my wife was locked in the bedroom and refused to talk. in the morning i found out from the kids that she spent the night crying in her room and didn't feed them dinner or tuck them in so they made cereal and had a sleepover in the living room. [/INST] nta, and her neglecting to feed your children should be a red flag </s>
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Aita for lying to my son about his grandmother giving him money?
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i have 2 kids, a 9 year old son and a 7 year old daughter. my son is technically my stepson though. when i married my husband he had a 1 year old baby and i adopted him. my son's bio mother has never been in the picture. we are very open about this with him. we have told him that i used to be his stepmom before i adopted him and answer any questions that he has about it.
my mother has always seemed to prefer my daughter over my son due to the fact that she is my biological child. both of my children received christmas cards from my mom. gabrielle (my daughter) had $20 inside of her card. my son didn't have any money in his. logan (my son) asked me why there was no money in his card and i didnt know how to explain it to him. so i took my own $20 and pretended to pick it up off of the floor. i told him that he must have dropped his money on the floor.
flash foward to a couple days later, my kids are talking to my mother on facetime. my son said "thank you for the card and the $20, grandma". and my mother basically told him that she gave $20 to gabrielle because she can only afford to give biological grandchildren money. logan was very confused and kept insisting that there was money in his card. so i basically had to end up telling the truth that i had pretended like she gave him $20 and that the money was actually from me.
now my child is upset at me because i lied to him. and he is very upset in general because he knows that his grandma thinks less of him because he is not my biological child. i also think he is very confused about why she thinks less of him. i probably shouldn't have lied to him but i didnt know what else to do. i cant just tell my kid "grandma didnt give you money because you are not my biological child". i have always raised them both equally despite him not being biological. him not getting any money makes it seem like he is not as important as his sister. but that is not true in the slightest. he is 100% as important as her.
| 6,743 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kikt5v/aita_for_lying_to_my_son_about_his_grandmother/
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2020-12-23 03:11:43
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yta for allowing someone to treat your child so poorly. if it was me, "grandma" would never see either of my kids again.
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nta for lying to your child, but yta for not cutting your mom completely out of your life. if she can't treat your kids equally then it's no different than her being a racist. that's not a behavior a parent should want their kids to think is "okay".
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a soft yta. i totally get why you did that. i’m not so much judging you on the fact you lied about the $20 but it sounds like you didn’t even stand up for your son. you need to talk to your mom that this is unacceptable. you can’t make her love him but she can at least treat your child with decency. tell her either send them the same amount or nothing at all.
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nta- this is a super easy fix. no more presents from grandma. if they come return them to sender. if the kids ask say ‘in our house everyone is treated equally and grandma is not playing by our family rules’. tell them story from this year next year and use it as a lesson in fairness.
grandma can either respect your family or not. it’s completely up to her. no need to get upset saying it calmly and matter of fact like and they will accept it because you set the tone for your family. promise not to lie to him again say sorry and drop it and then distract them with candy or drugs.
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i’m no math wizard but is 20 not divisible by 2?
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yta for the fact you allow grandma to treat that poor innocent child that way
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nta - your mother is a huge one though. if she could only afford to give $20 to one child, she should have just given $10 to each of them. it’s cruel.
you should have told your mother, after bailing her out, that you stepped up because she couldn’t even be decent towards your son.
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yta for telling him the truth instead of killing the conversation/whisking him out of the room/creating a distraction
but not nearly as much for that as for allowing your mother to actively harm your children with her cruelty and favoritism
frankly, you need to tell your mom that if she insists on treating your children differently, she loses the privilege of interacting with *both* of them. and then hold that line.
start intercepting future cards and gifts until you’ve had a chance to check them for blatant disparities.
if your daughter has $20 in her next card and you son does not, take the $20 before she sees it and secretly deposit it in an account in her name that she can access later in life. and then call your mom and notify her that because of the uneven gifting, she will not see or hear from either child for six months. next offense is a year, then 2 years.
i know it doesn’t seem like it, but this bullshit hurts your daughter as well as your son, just in a different way. and as their mother, it’s your responsibility to protect both of them from your asshole mother.
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you're not the asshole for lying, but yta for letting your mother, who sounds vile, into your children's lives. your son is old enough to remember this and carry it with him.
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yta
for putting your kid in that situation
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
| null |
YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.785231 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have 2 kids, a 9 year old son and a 7 year old daughter. my son is technically my stepson though. when i married my husband he had a 1 year old baby and i adopted him. my son's bio mother has never been in the picture. we are very open about this with him. we have told him that i used to be his stepmom before i adopted him and answer any questions that he has about it. my mother has always seemed to prefer my daughter over my son due to the fact that she is my biological child. both of my children received christmas cards from my mom. gabrielle (my daughter) had $20 inside of her card. my son didn't have any money in his. logan (my son) asked me why there was no money in his card and i didnt know how to explain it to him. so i took my own $20 and pretended to pick it up off of the floor. i told him that he must have dropped his money on the floor. flash foward to a couple days later, my kids are talking to my mother on facetime. my son said "thank you for the card and the $20, grandma". and my mother basically told him that she gave $20 to gabrielle because she can only afford to give biological grandchildren money. logan was very confused and kept insisting that there was money in his card. so i basically had to end up telling the truth that i had pretended like she gave him $20 and that the money was actually from me. now my child is upset at me because i lied to him. and he is very upset in general because he knows that his grandma thinks less of him because he is not my biological child. i also think he is very confused about why she thinks less of him. i probably shouldn't have lied to him but i didnt know what else to do. i cant just tell my kid "grandma didnt give you money because you are not my biological child". i have always raised them both equally despite him not being biological. him not getting any money makes it seem like he is not as important as his sister. but that is not true in the slightest. he is 100% as important as her.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have 2 kids, a 9 year old son and a 7 year old daughter. my son is technically my stepson though. when i married my husband he had a 1 year old baby and i adopted him. my son's bio mother has never been in the picture. we are very open about this with him. we have told him that i used to be his stepmom before i adopted him and answer any questions that he has about it. my mother has always seemed to prefer my daughter over my son due to the fact that she is my biological child. both of my children received christmas cards from my mom. gabrielle (my daughter) had $20 inside of her card. my son didn't have any money in his. logan (my son) asked me why there was no money in his card and i didnt know how to explain it to him. so i took my own $20 and pretended to pick it up off of the floor. i told him that he must have dropped his money on the floor. flash foward to a couple days later, my kids are talking to my mother on facetime. my son said "thank you for the card and the $20, grandma". and my mother basically told him that she gave $20 to gabrielle because she can only afford to give biological grandchildren money. logan was very confused and kept insisting that there was money in his card. so i basically had to end up telling the truth that i had pretended like she gave him $20 and that the money was actually from me. now my child is upset at me because i lied to him. and he is very upset in general because he knows that his grandma thinks less of him because he is not my biological child. i also think he is very confused about why she thinks less of him. i probably shouldn't have lied to him but i didnt know what else to do. i cant just tell my kid "grandma didnt give you money because you are not my biological child". i have always raised them both equally despite him not being biological. him not getting any money makes it seem like he is not as important as his sister. but that is not true in the slightest. he is 100% as important as her. [/INST] yta for allowing someone to treat your child so poorly. if it was me, "grandma" would never see either of my kids again. </s>
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AITA for refusing to let my daughter get a surgery?
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(throwaway because some of my family use reddit.)
hi, all. i (f30) have been dealing with chronic medical issues all my life. i married my (33) husband, l, a few years ago and had my daughter a (5) soon after.
when i was pregnant with a, i was warned that it would be difficult due to my issues and that she would likely have some passed on from me. i accepted this, and i expected it. she was delivered and was a beautiful baby girl who didn't have my issues at the time.
however, as she got older, it became more apparent that she inherited my medical problems. one of which has an optional surgery that could negate it entirely. it's possible to live with it instead of choosing to operate, but the surgery will eliminate it.
i have some trauma with hospitals in general. i've had to be in and out of them my entire life, and it's left some deep wounds. it's awful to spend your formative years stuck in a sterile room with an iv and in pain. i've spent some time in therapy for it, but i still hate them.
the surgery that would remove the problem is covered by insurance, so money isn't a problem. however, it has a long recovery period, and i don't want my daughter to have to suffer through that.
i've told l that i don't want her to have to go through the lengthy process of recovery. he disagrees and has asked my family members to "knock some sense" into me. (his words, not mine.) it's become a big point of contention between us, and i refuse to budge.
so, aita?
| 20,349 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/one1c4/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_daughter_get_a_surgery/
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2021-07-19 13:27:25
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yta, you decided to have a baby when you knew that this would/could happen.
you want her to live with it because of *your trauma*?!
yeah yta
you also should have thought about this before having biological children. god knows how long you will let your kid suffer because of your trauma.
also don't have another child if you are going to treat them like this.
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yta. she may have inherited your medical condition. she did *not* inherit your feelings about hospitals, and in no way, shape, or form is it okay for you to insist that she suffer unnecessarily because she *might* not enjoy what the recovery process entails.
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yta - why would you want your child to suffer through their entire life with a medical problem that can be easily resolved by surgery? sure, the recovery period is long- but it will alleviate her from having to deal with the problem for her entire life. i'm a parent too, and if i could get my child a surgery rather than have them suffer with a condition for their whole lives, i would definitely go with the surgery.
i understand you have some trauma with hospitals, but this isn't about you, this is about your daughter and her overall quality of life.
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yta
you honestly just sound like you don't want your daughter to not have that problem.
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[deleted]
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yta
i had to look up what she had and if it was something that legitimately wouldn’t hurt her then my answer would be different. however, according to https://rarediseases.info.nih.gov/diseases/10876/congenital-radioulnar-synostosis this can get very painful once they hit teenage years (which i’m assuming you know) and it can all be avoided with surgery. yes, recovering will also hurt but for a much shorter amount of time. it also stated that surgery is best preformed as soon as possible so that the fusion isn’t as extensive as it will be as they age. also, there is an age limit on when they can even do this surgery so she won’t be able to wait until she’s an adult to make this decision herself.
i sympathize that you have a fear of hospitals but doesn’t the pain your daughter will face for the rest of her life outweigh your fears?
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yta...so instead of suffering through recovery, she should suffer for the rest of her life because of your hang-ups? you need to do what's best for your child, not yourself.
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>however, it has a long recovery period, and i don't want my daughter to have to suffer through that.
is the recovery period longer than "forever," which is how long you've been dealing with your chronic medical conditions?
let's put it this way. if i had a chronic medical condition that my parents could have treated but chose not to because they were afraid of hospitals, i'd be out the door and never talk to them again.
you're inflicting suffering on your daughter by not treating. yta.
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yta. so you’d rather your daughter have a medical condition for the rest of her life, rather than have her go through a “long” recovery as a child that she most likely won’t remember so that she can be healthy long term? i mean how long is the “long” recovery in comparison with literally her entire lifespan? what might seem long now is probably just a blip in time. get her the surgery.
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yta, kids bounce back from trauma and even thrive from adversity. you are deliberately holding your daughter back. what tf is wrong with you? also as her mother, you've been through the medical system and can help to alleviate her fears and concerns
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: (throwaway because some of my family use reddit.) hi, all. i (f30) have been dealing with chronic medical issues all my life. i married my (33) husband, l, a few years ago and had my daughter a (5) soon after. when i was pregnant with a, i was warned that it would be difficult due to my issues and that she would likely have some passed on from me. i accepted this, and i expected it. she was delivered and was a beautiful baby girl who didn't have my issues at the time. however, as she got older, it became more apparent that she inherited my medical problems. one of which has an optional surgery that could negate it entirely. it's possible to live with it instead of choosing to operate, but the surgery will eliminate it. i have some trauma with hospitals in general. i've had to be in and out of them my entire life, and it's left some deep wounds. it's awful to spend your formative years stuck in a sterile room with an iv and in pain. i've spent some time in therapy for it, but i still hate them. the surgery that would remove the problem is covered by insurance, so money isn't a problem. however, it has a long recovery period, and i don't want my daughter to have to suffer through that. i've told l that i don't want her to have to go through the lengthy process of recovery. he disagrees and has asked my family members to "knock some sense" into me. (his words, not mine.) it's become a big point of contention between us, and i refuse to budge. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
(throwaway because some of my family use reddit.) hi, all. i (f30) have been dealing with chronic medical issues all my life. i married my (33) husband, l, a few years ago and had my daughter a (5) soon after. when i was pregnant with a, i was warned that it would be difficult due to my issues and that she would likely have some passed on from me. i accepted this, and i expected it. she was delivered and was a beautiful baby girl who didn't have my issues at the time. however, as she got older, it became more apparent that she inherited my medical problems. one of which has an optional surgery that could negate it entirely. it's possible to live with it instead of choosing to operate, but the surgery will eliminate it. i have some trauma with hospitals in general. i've had to be in and out of them my entire life, and it's left some deep wounds. it's awful to spend your formative years stuck in a sterile room with an iv and in pain. i've spent some time in therapy for it, but i still hate them. the surgery that would remove the problem is covered by insurance, so money isn't a problem. however, it has a long recovery period, and i don't want my daughter to have to suffer through that. i've told l that i don't want her to have to go through the lengthy process of recovery. he disagrees and has asked my family members to "knock some sense" into me. (his words, not mine.) it's become a big point of contention between us, and i refuse to budge. so, aita? [/INST] yta, you decided to have a baby when you knew that this would/could happen. you want her to live with it because of *your trauma*?! yeah yta you also should have thought about this before having biological children. god knows how long you will let your kid suffer because of your trauma. also don't have another child if you are going to treat them like this. </s>
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AITA for telling my sister I am never babysitting for her again?
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i (37m) am single, childfree and have two dogs (german shepherd mixes). they are very well behaved and super nice, my niblings (aged 2-13) love them.
i have 4 sisters and they have 10 kids total, so i babysit a lot. i work from home and am pretty much always available to watch the older ones (since i can easily work while they are in my appartment) and when they need care for the little ones, i just move my schedule around a bit.
yesterday 4 of my niblings were at my place (ages 3, 5, 7 and 8). 7 and 8 are siblings.
i have just one super strict rule at my house: no chocolate. it's deadly for dogs, i don't like it anyway and kids can easily go an afternoon without it.
the 7 and 8yro obviously brought chocolate with them and shared with 3 and 5yro. i was in the kitchen making them drinks, they were in the living room. my dogs were sleeping on the balcony.
i came into the living room and there were obviously chocolate crumbs everywhere. i asked who had the chocolate and 7 and 8yro admitted that mom gave it to them and they always have some with them, but usually eat it in secret.
when my sister came to pick them up a few hours later, i told her what happened and she said that her kids are big enough not to make a chocolate mess. i told her i'm never babysittinv for her again.
she is furious and says i overreacted. another sister of mine agrees with her. my mother thinks i am wrong for putting my dogs before the children.
aita?
| 19,905 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vmlz4k/aita_for_telling_my_sister_i_am_never_babysitting/
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2022-06-28 12:21:55
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nta; additionally i would not babysit children that are taught to lie to me
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nta and it looks like your mom has volunteered to babysit for free! thanks mom!
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nta and what a nice life lesson she teaches her kids "if you don't like the rules, just lie" 🤦🏼♀️
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nta. you have one simple rule and she broke it and made her kids hide it! they also clearly aren’t big enough to not make a chocolate mess since there were crumbs on your floor.
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nta. free babysitting is always, always a privilege that can be taken away.
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nta. obviously they are not old enough to not make a mess. your dogs could easily have eaten those crumbs. it is fine for you to have rules.
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it's not even necessarily putting your dogs above those kids. it's got more to do with the blatant disrespect of your rules and boundaries. i take it you do the babysitting for free? then the least they could do is not go behind your back.
nta. stick to your guns. this _is_ your hill to die on.
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nta. your home. your rules. and your sister knew she was wrong because she made her kids hide it(also wrong).
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you had one rule and it's a very easy rule to follow. nta. they disrespected you
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nta at all. and just to address this nonsense:
>my mother thinks i am wrong for putting my dogs before the children.
you're putting your dogs' **lives** ahead of the kids' **chocolate**. the kids won't die if they don't have chocolate, but your dogs might die if they get the kids' chocolate.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (37m) am single, childfree and have two dogs (german shepherd mixes). they are very well behaved and super nice, my niblings (aged 2-13) love them. i have 4 sisters and they have 10 kids total, so i babysit a lot. i work from home and am pretty much always available to watch the older ones (since i can easily work while they are in my appartment) and when they need care for the little ones, i just move my schedule around a bit. yesterday 4 of my niblings were at my place (ages 3, 5, 7 and 8). 7 and 8 are siblings. i have just one super strict rule at my house: no chocolate. it's deadly for dogs, i don't like it anyway and kids can easily go an afternoon without it. the 7 and 8yro obviously brought chocolate with them and shared with 3 and 5yro. i was in the kitchen making them drinks, they were in the living room. my dogs were sleeping on the balcony. i came into the living room and there were obviously chocolate crumbs everywhere. i asked who had the chocolate and 7 and 8yro admitted that mom gave it to them and they always have some with them, but usually eat it in secret. when my sister came to pick them up a few hours later, i told her what happened and she said that her kids are big enough not to make a chocolate mess. i told her i'm never babysittinv for her again. she is furious and says i overreacted. another sister of mine agrees with her. my mother thinks i am wrong for putting my dogs before the children. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (37m) am single, childfree and have two dogs (german shepherd mixes). they are very well behaved and super nice, my niblings (aged 2-13) love them. i have 4 sisters and they have 10 kids total, so i babysit a lot. i work from home and am pretty much always available to watch the older ones (since i can easily work while they are in my appartment) and when they need care for the little ones, i just move my schedule around a bit. yesterday 4 of my niblings were at my place (ages 3, 5, 7 and 8). 7 and 8 are siblings. i have just one super strict rule at my house: no chocolate. it's deadly for dogs, i don't like it anyway and kids can easily go an afternoon without it. the 7 and 8yro obviously brought chocolate with them and shared with 3 and 5yro. i was in the kitchen making them drinks, they were in the living room. my dogs were sleeping on the balcony. i came into the living room and there were obviously chocolate crumbs everywhere. i asked who had the chocolate and 7 and 8yro admitted that mom gave it to them and they always have some with them, but usually eat it in secret. when my sister came to pick them up a few hours later, i told her what happened and she said that her kids are big enough not to make a chocolate mess. i told her i'm never babysittinv for her again. she is furious and says i overreacted. another sister of mine agrees with her. my mother thinks i am wrong for putting my dogs before the children. aita? [/INST] nta; additionally i would not babysit children that are taught to lie to me </s>
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AITA for being really crude to my nosy aunt about my sex life?
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for some reason, whenever my aunt calls and catches up with family she really picks on me. she sees me as the slutty one in the family with a steady stream of boyfriends. i've only had like half a dozen and i'm nearly 25, for heaven's sake!
still, compared to her 23 yr old pitch perfect valedictorian daughter, i guess i'm easy pickings.
this last week, she had the nerve on a family call with my cousin, my older sis, and my dad to bring up my dating life. something silly about how i'm getting along without meeting my bf that often. (you know, i'm hungry and thirsty for sex unlike her perfect little girl.)
she made a really bad comment about how i should be careful and that you never know when you can get pregnant (that's why her daughter's waiting to get engaged .. little did she know .. but my cousin and i are tight so i wouldn't rat on her). in the heat of the moment, i responded, don't worry, i make sure it's only on my face each time. no chance of pregnancy there.
my sis thought it was hilarious, my dad stifled a laugh, but my aunt got mortified. she huffed and puffed about how rude i was and how inappropriate it was to bring this up with family.
wait ... sex lives are inappropriate in family conversations? wouldn't know it from talking to her.
apparently my aunt and dad had a long call afterwards and she had the nerve to tell me to apologize to her and for setting a bad example for her perfect daughter.
sigh. i just did something lukewarm to ease off the family drama but aita here?
| 21,824 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jaq5yq/aita_for_being_really_crude_to_my_nosy_aunt_about/
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2020-10-14 00:32:50
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nta. the frigging hypocrisy. also, love how you didn’t throw your cousin under the bus. i know that would have been the bigger blow to your aunt (obvs nothing wrong having sex) but you didn’t go there.
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nta - might i suggest the following " dear aunt, i am sorry you were offended that i responded to your constant uncalled for, intrusive, and let's be honest - crude comments with a response in kind. i'm sorry you are upset and let me suggest if you don't like responses like that, that in the future you avoid commenting on my personal life. but if you want continue to make such comments i will take it as you wish me to keep making comments like i did."
maybe share with her - [another work around to pregnancy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ft5bbrjlgr8)
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we only do anal....mic drop.
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nta and that's hilarious
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nta my aunt is the same way with my sister, since she already got some smart remarks from me and doesn’t risk that anymore. every time we’re at a family gathering and she pulls that i tend to give her the death glare along with my parents and that shuts her up good.
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"if you don't want to hear about my sex life then you shouldn't ask about my sex life"
nta
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nta in fact well played but you might have added you should try it aunty its great for the skin it might get rid of those crows feet
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you're an adult in your mid-twenties and she has no business dragging your father into the matter. nor making this a topic of conversation at all.
btw if she ever brings up a subject like this again, tell her you won't be watching her next child if she has a surprise perimenopausal pregnancy.
nta and well played.
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nta. she was rude, you had a snappy comeback. no need to apologise, especially if it means you can skip calls with her in future.
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nta 10/10 bravo. don't apologize. let it hang. let her know that if she wants to talk shit about your life, you don't mind inviting her in with "tmi" true or not.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for some reason, whenever my aunt calls and catches up with family she really picks on me. she sees me as the slutty one in the family with a steady stream of boyfriends. i've only had like half a dozen and i'm nearly 25, for heaven's sake! still, compared to her 23 yr old pitch perfect valedictorian daughter, i guess i'm easy pickings. this last week, she had the nerve on a family call with my cousin, my older sis, and my dad to bring up my dating life. something silly about how i'm getting along without meeting my bf that often. (you know, i'm hungry and thirsty for sex unlike her perfect little girl.) she made a really bad comment about how i should be careful and that you never know when you can get pregnant (that's why her daughter's waiting to get engaged .. little did she know .. but my cousin and i are tight so i wouldn't rat on her). in the heat of the moment, i responded, don't worry, i make sure it's only on my face each time. no chance of pregnancy there. my sis thought it was hilarious, my dad stifled a laugh, but my aunt got mortified. she huffed and puffed about how rude i was and how inappropriate it was to bring this up with family. wait ... sex lives are inappropriate in family conversations? wouldn't know it from talking to her. apparently my aunt and dad had a long call afterwards and she had the nerve to tell me to apologize to her and for setting a bad example for her perfect daughter. sigh. i just did something lukewarm to ease off the family drama but aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for some reason, whenever my aunt calls and catches up with family she really picks on me. she sees me as the slutty one in the family with a steady stream of boyfriends. i've only had like half a dozen and i'm nearly 25, for heaven's sake! still, compared to her 23 yr old pitch perfect valedictorian daughter, i guess i'm easy pickings. this last week, she had the nerve on a family call with my cousin, my older sis, and my dad to bring up my dating life. something silly about how i'm getting along without meeting my bf that often. (you know, i'm hungry and thirsty for sex unlike her perfect little girl.) she made a really bad comment about how i should be careful and that you never know when you can get pregnant (that's why her daughter's waiting to get engaged .. little did she know .. but my cousin and i are tight so i wouldn't rat on her). in the heat of the moment, i responded, don't worry, i make sure it's only on my face each time. no chance of pregnancy there. my sis thought it was hilarious, my dad stifled a laugh, but my aunt got mortified. she huffed and puffed about how rude i was and how inappropriate it was to bring this up with family. wait ... sex lives are inappropriate in family conversations? wouldn't know it from talking to her. apparently my aunt and dad had a long call afterwards and she had the nerve to tell me to apologize to her and for setting a bad example for her perfect daughter. sigh. i just did something lukewarm to ease off the family drama but aita here? [/INST] nta. the frigging hypocrisy. also, love how you didn’t throw your cousin under the bus. i know that would have been the bigger blow to your aunt (obvs nothing wrong having sex) but you didn’t go there. </s>
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AITA for dropping the "We're Not Having Kids, Now Stop Bringing It Up" bomb on my MIL?
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my husband and i don't want kids. my mil is big into family in the traditional sense. she has been pushy with us about having kids since we got married. literally the week after we got engaged, she started asking.
my husband has always changed the subject, and has even told her that it's really none of her business. every time we see her, she asks. everything we do is built around the idea of use having kids. 3 years into our marriage, my husband said "we might not even have kids" and mil would *not*hear it. at year 4, husband had a vasectomy and i had a tubal.
so this weekend we were all at their home enjoying some bbq and drinks and everything. when i get up to grab a beer, my mil asks me if maybe i should drink water instead, because wink wink nudge nudge, you never know.
i was annoyed by this and said "there's really no chance."
mil, all wide-grin, said, "oh come on! it's time for you two to finally get serious! put down the beer and tell us when we can finally expect you two to finally make your family official!"
i said "we've been official for about 5 years now, mil," and drink the beer. husband laughs with me.
mil gets more annoyed and says "well, you won't be real (lastnames) until you bless us with babies!"
husband said, "mom, enough." mil pushed again. husband repeated.
after about fifteen minutes of the usual comments, i finally snapped and said "mil, husband got snipped. i had my tubes tied. we're not having kids. you need to stop bringing it up. period."
well, i thought i started wwiii. she started crying and stormed off. family looked at us with disgust and stormed off to comfort her. we left. party kinda ended. the social media bullshit started shortly after. vague posts, links about how motherhood is a woman's greatest calling, listicles about how unhappy childless women are, etc. some meme about how "i guess i wasn't a good enough mother and won't be graduating to grandmother." it's obnoxious to the point that i just muted all of them.
my mil finally called me this morning and told me that she was willing to put this all behind us if husband and i came over and listened to her reasons that we really "need" to have kids. i told her no, that we are tired of her pushing this on us, and then she said "well then, i guess you two aren't prepared to be real (lastname)s. i'd like a refund for what we paid for the wedding." (it wasn't that much. it was like $400 for the rehearsal dinner.)
i hung up on her. when recounting this to my friends, a few of them said that i was the asshole here for dropping it like that. but i don't think she was ever going to drop it if i didn't finally make a serious, direct comment about it. so aita?
| 26,180 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b5hirx/aita_for_dropping_the_were_not_having_kids_now/
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2019-03-25 22:34:21
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nta.
> well, you won't be real (lastnames) until you bless us with babies
i think it's clear who is ta here
> i'd like a refund for what we paid for the wedding
oh! they paid for babies!
you had to drop it for her to stop with it, so you are definitely not ta.
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nta, i hate people that are pushy about big life choices. it's not her life, it's not her choice, whether you guys have kids or not. you aren't an asshole for refusing to have children, nor are you an asshole for making it very clear that you never intend to have children.
&#x200b;
also, the "motherhood is a woman's greatest calling" thing is freaking sexist.
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nta at all and i thought i was on r/justnomil because of how awful this is. she’s a major asshole who is continuing to disrespect you and your body, treating you like an incubator.
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nta. if you want to be an asshole but still a smaller asshole than your mil you and you partner can both go get a new last name and send the announcement with their $400 check.
imagine being so weird about what other people decide to do in regards to kids.
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my god! your delivery of "no!" was epic.
and she still persisted. you're not [last name] until?? hahaha. grade a stupidity. there's no making peace with this kind of dumb. you'll have to be more aggressively degrading to get your point accross and then she'll just switch to name calling.
you are absolutely nta.
black flag her visits and chats.
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nta. you gave your mil several nice requests to stop asking about it, and you had to be direct. she is the asshole for being so pushy about it after you stopped, and demanding a refund for her rehearsal dinner and saying all those mean things to you.
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nta - she was told enough time to drop it and she kept pushing... for years. ahe was told repeatedly it was none of her business and told to stop. she kept persisting to the point of your discomfort and i bet you cringed at the thought of even going over there to visit because you knew it was coming.
sometimes people need the shock of harsh reality to smack them in the face before they stop.
now you got to decide the best way forward- peacefully- because you’re family.
hand her the $400 back, write a cheque and post it to her without a word - just a note saying “wedding money returned as you requested”. this way you will see of she decides to cash it or not. this way you have absolutely no obligation to her. if she thinks she will hold $400 over your heads to try and make you have kids then she’s got another thing coming.
as for her “listening to me” bs. reply you’ve heard everything that she has had to say on the subject over the years and shes has said enough.
also say along the lines of mil, i thought you genuinely liked me for me, not my ability to be an incubator. my status as a parent doesn’t change my position in this family, not husbands. we need to to accept our decision and move past this and love us for who we are... just as we are
for the record i have a bunch of kids, more than average kidlets actually. but my bff and her husband are very happy being child free and having disposable income which they use to travel the world whilst i change diapers and live vicariously through her adventures lol. she loves my kids and always sends the cool gifts from her travels and is perfectly content as cool-honarary-aunt status. i respect her decision to not have kids just as much as she respects my decision to have them. i honestly don’t think she will regret her decision down the track as she put heaps of thought into it and it’s not a easy decision to make as our biological urge is to procreate.
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nta sure you probably could have handled it with more grace, but she wouldn’t take the hint. honestly i’d also say your husband is an asshole for not standing up to his mother more. it’s his mother, he needs to be leading this battle.
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nta.
your life, your decisions.
join us: /r/childfree or /r/truechildfree
you should post this over there.
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nta, your mil needs a lesson in boundaries. fuck this “motherhood is a woman’s highest calling” bs. what about women who can’t conceive or who miscarry? it’s just misogyny. good for you for standing up to her.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i don't want kids. my mil is big into family in the traditional sense. she has been pushy with us about having kids since we got married. literally the week after we got engaged, she started asking. my husband has always changed the subject, and has even told her that it's really none of her business. every time we see her, she asks. everything we do is built around the idea of use having kids. 3 years into our marriage, my husband said "we might not even have kids" and mil would *not*hear it. at year 4, husband had a vasectomy and i had a tubal. so this weekend we were all at their home enjoying some bbq and drinks and everything. when i get up to grab a beer, my mil asks me if maybe i should drink water instead, because wink wink nudge nudge, you never know. i was annoyed by this and said "there's really no chance." mil, all wide-grin, said, "oh come on! it's time for you two to finally get serious! put down the beer and tell us when we can finally expect you two to finally make your family official!" i said "we've been official for about 5 years now, mil," and drink the beer. husband laughs with me. mil gets more annoyed and says "well, you won't be real (lastnames) until you bless us with babies!" husband said, "mom, enough." mil pushed again. husband repeated. after about fifteen minutes of the usual comments, i finally snapped and said "mil, husband got snipped. i had my tubes tied. we're not having kids. you need to stop bringing it up. period." well, i thought i started wwiii. she started crying and stormed off. family looked at us with disgust and stormed off to comfort her. we left. party kinda ended. the social media bullshit started shortly after. vague posts, links about how motherhood is a woman's greatest calling, listicles about how unhappy childless women are, etc. some meme about how "i guess i wasn't a good enough mother and won't be graduating to grandmother." it's obnoxious to the point that i just muted all of them. my mil finally called me this morning and told me that she was willing to put this all behind us if husband and i came over and listened to her reasons that we really "need" to have kids. i told her no, that we are tired of her pushing this on us, and then she said "well then, i guess you two aren't prepared to be real (lastname)s. i'd like a refund for what we paid for the wedding." (it wasn't that much. it was like $400 for the rehearsal dinner.) i hung up on her. when recounting this to my friends, a few of them said that i was the asshole here for dropping it like that. but i don't think she was ever going to drop it if i didn't finally make a serious, direct comment about it. so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i don't want kids. my mil is big into family in the traditional sense. she has been pushy with us about having kids since we got married. literally the week after we got engaged, she started asking. my husband has always changed the subject, and has even told her that it's really none of her business. every time we see her, she asks. everything we do is built around the idea of use having kids. 3 years into our marriage, my husband said "we might not even have kids" and mil would *not*hear it. at year 4, husband had a vasectomy and i had a tubal. so this weekend we were all at their home enjoying some bbq and drinks and everything. when i get up to grab a beer, my mil asks me if maybe i should drink water instead, because wink wink nudge nudge, you never know. i was annoyed by this and said "there's really no chance." mil, all wide-grin, said, "oh come on! it's time for you two to finally get serious! put down the beer and tell us when we can finally expect you two to finally make your family official!" i said "we've been official for about 5 years now, mil," and drink the beer. husband laughs with me. mil gets more annoyed and says "well, you won't be real (lastnames) until you bless us with babies!" husband said, "mom, enough." mil pushed again. husband repeated. after about fifteen minutes of the usual comments, i finally snapped and said "mil, husband got snipped. i had my tubes tied. we're not having kids. you need to stop bringing it up. period." well, i thought i started wwiii. she started crying and stormed off. family looked at us with disgust and stormed off to comfort her. we left. party kinda ended. the social media bullshit started shortly after. vague posts, links about how motherhood is a woman's greatest calling, listicles about how unhappy childless women are, etc. some meme about how "i guess i wasn't a good enough mother and won't be graduating to grandmother." it's obnoxious to the point that i just muted all of them. my mil finally called me this morning and told me that she was willing to put this all behind us if husband and i came over and listened to her reasons that we really "need" to have kids. i told her no, that we are tired of her pushing this on us, and then she said "well then, i guess you two aren't prepared to be real (lastname)s. i'd like a refund for what we paid for the wedding." (it wasn't that much. it was like $400 for the rehearsal dinner.) i hung up on her. when recounting this to my friends, a few of them said that i was the asshole here for dropping it like that. but i don't think she was ever going to drop it if i didn't finally make a serious, direct comment about it. so aita? [/INST] nta. > well, you won't be real (lastnames) until you bless us with babies i think it's clear who is ta here > i'd like a refund for what we paid for the wedding oh! they paid for babies! you had to drop it for her to stop with it, so you are definitely not ta. </s>
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AITA for telling my daughter to cancel her marriage?
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i have a daughter(27) who was with her boyfriend for 7 years and they got engaged not long ago(just a small party, not many guests). she always talks to me about how she loved him, how he always listens to he and he was made for her. i have agreed with her, since i found i=him to be a good natured man, he was kind and humble and was always respectful to our family. we've met his parents for dinner twice or thrice and they hit me as a little sexist, asking questions to my wife like "i don't know why you're working, isn't that the husband's job? its the mothers job to be taking care of the children".
now that they wanted to make it more serious, they planned a marriage. anyways we have been planning about the marriage, and one day her boyfriend comes to me and says that his parents want to talk to me. i was going to call my daughter too, but he said that she wasn't allowed. i went with him and his parents started talking with me about dowry. i was confused and said that there was no dowry and in 2020 who even gives dowry?? but boyfriend and his parents started lecturing me about how necessary it was and how my daughter would be a stay at home wife(my daughter has told me that she wants to continue her dreams so i don't know what this is). anyways they told me that i should give it a thought and told me not to tell my daughter for the time being. however i immediately told my daughter about it, and she started crying saying she didn't know that her boyfriend was so sexist. she asked me what she could do now, and i told her that she wasn't being forced and could cancel her marriage if she didn't want it.
well, that is exactly what happened and now her boyfriend and his parents are calling me saying i took away the love of his life etc... on top of that, some of her friends (some were bridesmaids) said that i was a asshole for breaking up what would've been a "healthy marriage". but its my daughter's happiness that matters. aita?
| 31,765 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/itd4ok/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_to_cancel_her/
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2020-09-15 17:14:54
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nta. you saved your daughter from a life of hell. sorry she had to go through that though. i'm sure it was a shock to realize her ex and her almost-in-laws are misogynistic ah's. hope she's doing okay. 7 years is a long time. how did this not ever come up before???
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this story did not go how i predicted. nta.
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nta, this is the kind of parenting that the modern world needs. supportive and caring but not afraid to step in when needed. hope you and your daughter are ok.
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the fuck?? absolutely you are nta for telling your daughter about this. especially if her own values and beliefs lie outside of what her husband to be expected. if she's always had grand plans to have a career, a marriage to this man who expects the opposite was going to be nothing but heartache.
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nta on three fronts.
1). you did not tell your daughter to cancel the wedding. you told her that if she did cancel the wedding, you would not think any less of her. that is a really important distinction.
2) that talk of a dowry is just ridiculous in a twenty-first century marriage that does not involve an exchange of lands or noble titles.
3) if they are going to demand a dowry, then at the very least their son should demonstrate he can provide for your daughter. did he even do the courtesy of bringing a freshly hunted and killed elk or boar to the table in your great hall?
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nta.
you gave her advice, but, ultimately, it was her choice. her ex-future-husband seems like a very toxic and manipulative person. it is beyond bizarre that they would ask for a dowry (assuming you live in a western country, as i know this is still common in some places). and it raises all sorts of alarm to me that he didn't want you to tell her about the dowry.
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nta. with the mention of dowry it brought back memories of marriages of females in my family. i hate the practice of dowry and putting such a limitation on women like this. reality is she is dodging a bullet because if the “boyfriend” is already expecting this out of her then it will only get worse in the future. i come from a culture where women also call out other women for wanting equality and to not stay as stay at home wives so i am not surprised that you have received such backlash. rest easy knowing you have helped her make the right decision and focus on keeping her strong so that she sticks with it.
since people below are asking:
a dowry is an old tradition and it dates back to several cultures. i can only tell you what a dowry means in indian culture. a dowry is a gift the bride’s parents/family/brothers pay to the groom and his family. they pay this dowry as a financial transaction as the groom’s family is absorbing the costs of the bride. this is due to the old familial structure of women not “financially” contributing to the household. in recent years it has become somewhat common for the groom’s family to increasingly demand ridiculous gifts in the dowry (such as cars, houses, large sums of money).
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you did not break them up, that was the time treveling-boyfriend from the 18th century.
nta
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nta. you're just a good mom.
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if the friends think the marriage is so healthy one of them can marry him.
you did right by your daughter. nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a daughter(27) who was with her boyfriend for 7 years and they got engaged not long ago(just a small party, not many guests). she always talks to me about how she loved him, how he always listens to he and he was made for her. i have agreed with her, since i found i=him to be a good natured man, he was kind and humble and was always respectful to our family. we've met his parents for dinner twice or thrice and they hit me as a little sexist, asking questions to my wife like "i don't know why you're working, isn't that the husband's job? its the mothers job to be taking care of the children". now that they wanted to make it more serious, they planned a marriage. anyways we have been planning about the marriage, and one day her boyfriend comes to me and says that his parents want to talk to me. i was going to call my daughter too, but he said that she wasn't allowed. i went with him and his parents started talking with me about dowry. i was confused and said that there was no dowry and in 2020 who even gives dowry?? but boyfriend and his parents started lecturing me about how necessary it was and how my daughter would be a stay at home wife(my daughter has told me that she wants to continue her dreams so i don't know what this is). anyways they told me that i should give it a thought and told me not to tell my daughter for the time being. however i immediately told my daughter about it, and she started crying saying she didn't know that her boyfriend was so sexist. she asked me what she could do now, and i told her that she wasn't being forced and could cancel her marriage if she didn't want it. well, that is exactly what happened and now her boyfriend and his parents are calling me saying i took away the love of his life etc... on top of that, some of her friends (some were bridesmaids) said that i was a asshole for breaking up what would've been a "healthy marriage". but its my daughter's happiness that matters. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have a daughter(27) who was with her boyfriend for 7 years and they got engaged not long ago(just a small party, not many guests). she always talks to me about how she loved him, how he always listens to he and he was made for her. i have agreed with her, since i found i=him to be a good natured man, he was kind and humble and was always respectful to our family. we've met his parents for dinner twice or thrice and they hit me as a little sexist, asking questions to my wife like "i don't know why you're working, isn't that the husband's job? its the mothers job to be taking care of the children". now that they wanted to make it more serious, they planned a marriage. anyways we have been planning about the marriage, and one day her boyfriend comes to me and says that his parents want to talk to me. i was going to call my daughter too, but he said that she wasn't allowed. i went with him and his parents started talking with me about dowry. i was confused and said that there was no dowry and in 2020 who even gives dowry?? but boyfriend and his parents started lecturing me about how necessary it was and how my daughter would be a stay at home wife(my daughter has told me that she wants to continue her dreams so i don't know what this is). anyways they told me that i should give it a thought and told me not to tell my daughter for the time being. however i immediately told my daughter about it, and she started crying saying she didn't know that her boyfriend was so sexist. she asked me what she could do now, and i told her that she wasn't being forced and could cancel her marriage if she didn't want it. well, that is exactly what happened and now her boyfriend and his parents are calling me saying i took away the love of his life etc... on top of that, some of her friends (some were bridesmaids) said that i was a asshole for breaking up what would've been a "healthy marriage". but its my daughter's happiness that matters. aita? [/INST] nta. you saved your daughter from a life of hell. sorry she had to go through that though. i'm sure it was a shock to realize her ex and her almost-in-laws are misogynistic ah's. hope she's doing okay. 7 years is a long time. how did this not ever come up before??? </s>
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AITA for reporting my car stolen when my sister took it after I told her not to?
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my sisters car broke down 6 months ago because of her own stupidity. i won't go into it here but she ignored the advice of a mechanic and because of that her car broke. i decided to be nice and offer my sister my car until she could get hers fixed as i could bike to work while she needed to drive. she did not get her car fixed for some reason. she claimed to be saving money to do so but every time her paycheck came she spent it. my parents have even offered her a loan to fix her car but she refused. along with all of this, she has been abusing my generosity and taking my car all day and night. i told her she could use it for work but is seems to her that is a free pass to use my car, not fill it with gas, and take it when i specifically tell her not to.
&#x200b;
recently i've been needed to get to work very early and i really don't feel like riding my bike 6 miles at 3 in the morning so i told my sister she had 30 days until i took the spare key from her and she is no longer allowed to use it. that was 32 days ago. yesterday morning she woke up specifically before me to take my car (at 2:30 in the morning). i called her and demanded she bring it back but she just hung up on me. because of this i reported it stolen.
&#x200b;
my sister was arrested 30 minutes later and my parents had to go bail her out. my sister is now facing charges for unauthorized use of a car and my parents and her are pissed. they claim i want way to far here but honestly, i feel justified. my parents are worried if she's found guilty she will loose her job but in my opinion, it's her own fault. am i wrong here? am i an asshole?
| 31,454 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bp8v29/aita_for_reporting_my_car_stolen_when_my_sister/
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2019-05-16 05:40:20
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nta, this is the definition of theft
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nta. she stole your car. sounds like she needs a lesson in accountability.
tell your parents you wouldn’t have had to report it stolen if she brought it back like you asked. why is she not held to the same standard you are?
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nta - you gave her 30 days notice so she had time to make other arrangements. she straight up got early to take your car on purpose so you did not have the ability to use it. maybe reporting it as stolen was a little far. but i honestly don’t blame you for it. you gave her more than enough time and ultimately, it’s your car.
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nta. she stole your car. her actions were premeditated (coming over at 2.30am when she knew you would be leaving at 3am) and she deliberately hung up on you when you tried calling her. you even gave her 30 days notice. she had every intention to steal.
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harsh but fair
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nta
gave her 30 days and she also hung up on you. justified. she shouldn’t get away with this she’s being immature
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nta
she literally stole your car.
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nta. she stole your car after you specifically told her she couldn't use it anymore. definition of theft. doesn't matter if she's family or not, you were more than reasonable and she completely abused your generosity. the only thing that makes me sad is that your parents bailed her ass out, she should've stayed in jail longer.
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nta- she took a car she wasnt legally entitled to. thats stealing a car.
yeah it was your car and she was your sister but that doesnt change anything. its was still
a car she wasnt legally entitled to that she took. theft.
maybe this will teach her responsability!
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a bit different then the consensus but tbh esh. she is primarily the asshole, however, the response is way over the top. i feel like it could of been dealt with differently, but to each their own.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sisters car broke down 6 months ago because of her own stupidity. i won't go into it here but she ignored the advice of a mechanic and because of that her car broke. i decided to be nice and offer my sister my car until she could get hers fixed as i could bike to work while she needed to drive. she did not get her car fixed for some reason. she claimed to be saving money to do so but every time her paycheck came she spent it. my parents have even offered her a loan to fix her car but she refused. along with all of this, she has been abusing my generosity and taking my car all day and night. i told her she could use it for work but is seems to her that is a free pass to use my car, not fill it with gas, and take it when i specifically tell her not to. &#x200b; recently i've been needed to get to work very early and i really don't feel like riding my bike 6 miles at 3 in the morning so i told my sister she had 30 days until i took the spare key from her and she is no longer allowed to use it. that was 32 days ago. yesterday morning she woke up specifically before me to take my car (at 2:30 in the morning). i called her and demanded she bring it back but she just hung up on me. because of this i reported it stolen. &#x200b; my sister was arrested 30 minutes later and my parents had to go bail her out. my sister is now facing charges for unauthorized use of a car and my parents and her are pissed. they claim i want way to far here but honestly, i feel justified. my parents are worried if she's found guilty she will loose her job but in my opinion, it's her own fault. am i wrong here? am i an asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sisters car broke down 6 months ago because of her own stupidity. i won't go into it here but she ignored the advice of a mechanic and because of that her car broke. i decided to be nice and offer my sister my car until she could get hers fixed as i could bike to work while she needed to drive. she did not get her car fixed for some reason. she claimed to be saving money to do so but every time her paycheck came she spent it. my parents have even offered her a loan to fix her car but she refused. along with all of this, she has been abusing my generosity and taking my car all day and night. i told her she could use it for work but is seems to her that is a free pass to use my car, not fill it with gas, and take it when i specifically tell her not to. &#x200b; recently i've been needed to get to work very early and i really don't feel like riding my bike 6 miles at 3 in the morning so i told my sister she had 30 days until i took the spare key from her and she is no longer allowed to use it. that was 32 days ago. yesterday morning she woke up specifically before me to take my car (at 2:30 in the morning). i called her and demanded she bring it back but she just hung up on me. because of this i reported it stolen. &#x200b; my sister was arrested 30 minutes later and my parents had to go bail her out. my sister is now facing charges for unauthorized use of a car and my parents and her are pissed. they claim i want way to far here but honestly, i feel justified. my parents are worried if she's found guilty she will loose her job but in my opinion, it's her own fault. am i wrong here? am i an asshole? [/INST] nta, this is the definition of theft </s>
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AITA for wearing a matching workout set to my stepdaughter's college graduation?
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my stepdaughter graduated college, so my husband, myself, and our kids (the ones we have together) traveled to watch the ceremonies, take her to dinner, give her gifts, and spend time with her since she will be all over during the summer with her friends and mom's side before she starts grad school in the fall.
we had to fly in to see her, so i was wearing a comfy matching workout set (in her school colors to celebrate) on the flight, and had a dress and heels in my carry-on to change into before the ceremony.
unfortunately, we had a delayed flight and things were very hectic and we barely got there in time for the graduation, and our kids wanted to stop and pick out flowers for her. my young son got very sick and with all the chaos, and taking care of the kids, and getting there with the traffic, i never ended up changing because it completely slipped my mind and i have zero idea how. i think i was just very exhausted.
my stepdaughter was very upset and was very warm to her dad and half-siblings, but was cold with me. i asked her privately what was wrong and she told me she was furious with how disrespectful i was with my clothing (people were dressed kind of casually because the big ceremony was outdoors in the football stadium) and that she wanted nice pictures with everyone dressed up. she said if she were my real kid i would have never done what i had done
she also told her dad that i was banned from future events of hers because she knows "i will be a terrible person" and wear sweatpants to her wedding.
i apologized and tried to explain what had happened and that i was very proud of her and was very sorry she felt like an afterthought. i told her we could all dress up for dinner and take better pictures, but she was angry at my suggestion.
she has not spoken to me and has not spoken to my husband since (he apologized but tried to defend me)
am i the asshole?
| 7,059 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ukhvmb/aita_for_wearing_a_matching_workout_set_to_my/
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2022-05-07 17:16:08
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yta - in comments you said you wore a sports bra to her college graduation, and that you didn’t take the time to change because your kids are “young and wanted mom” - you prioritized them over the 10 minutes you would have needed to be more presentable to your stepdaughter’s major life event.
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yta.
a sports bra and leggings is not what i was picturing. and despite your kids wanting mom, you could have handed them to your husband for five minutes to look presentable. wearing a sports bra to any formal event is a slap in the face to the person (or people) being honored.
you could have also changed in the airplane bathroom when the flight was delayed. or at least thrown a jacket on over the bra.
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yta- you could have literally thrown your dress over the bra and leggings as you walked in. leggings and a sports bra is incredibly inappropriate and attention seeking for a graduation ceremony. shame on you op, you should have just stayed home.
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woah. you are super forever ta.
i call bullshit, you didn't forget.
when i started reading i expected you to say your luggage was lost, that would have been a valid excuse.
nothing you said was a valid excuse.
wtf is wrong with you?
it would have been better not to bring flowers if it meant you didn't wear a sports bra and leggings. . it would have been better for you to walk in late so you could have changed rather than wear what you were wearing.
there's no reason to wear that outfit on a flight, let alone think it was appropriate for a college graduation.
why were you wearing workout clothing when you weren't working out? because it's comfy? if you're honest, comfort is not the reason you chose that outfit.
your stepdaughter was an afterthought, and don't pretend otherwise.
yta. i hope she cuts you off.
and her dad is ta for allowing you to dress that way on a day that was intended to celebrate what is a very important, milestone achievement.
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yta and does anyone want to bet that she is very close to the stepdaughters age and wanted to show off?
no one is too busy to put a shirt on. no one.
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just so people know she conveniently left out the part where the "workout set" was leggings and just a sports bra "in school colours"
so it really reads like she just didn't want to change.
her young kids "wanted mom" and apparently wouldn't have survived 5 mins while she changed because the husband is so inept.
"the flight got delayed" so of course she couldn't have changed during the delay before flying there either. no possible solution to this problem
ridiculous
yta 1000x's
i'd be so embarrassed
eta
thank you for the award(s) ❤❤❤
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info: what do you mean by 'workout set'? and why couldn't husband help with the kids?
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you know your post implies you were wearing like a track suit type of thing. a sports bra and no shirt? come on… that’s not even appropriate for the plane. yta.
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yta. a sports bra and leggings - are you kidding? that's beyond inappropriate. no wonder she's upset - i'd be absolutely mortified if my parent/guardian/adult- relative-who-should-know-better showed up looking like that.
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yta, your outfit is totally inappropriate. i’m surprised you were let into the venue. you had your change of clothes on hand, it doesn’t take much to pop into a toilet to change.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my stepdaughter graduated college, so my husband, myself, and our kids (the ones we have together) traveled to watch the ceremonies, take her to dinner, give her gifts, and spend time with her since she will be all over during the summer with her friends and mom's side before she starts grad school in the fall. we had to fly in to see her, so i was wearing a comfy matching workout set (in her school colors to celebrate) on the flight, and had a dress and heels in my carry-on to change into before the ceremony. unfortunately, we had a delayed flight and things were very hectic and we barely got there in time for the graduation, and our kids wanted to stop and pick out flowers for her. my young son got very sick and with all the chaos, and taking care of the kids, and getting there with the traffic, i never ended up changing because it completely slipped my mind and i have zero idea how. i think i was just very exhausted. my stepdaughter was very upset and was very warm to her dad and half-siblings, but was cold with me. i asked her privately what was wrong and she told me she was furious with how disrespectful i was with my clothing (people were dressed kind of casually because the big ceremony was outdoors in the football stadium) and that she wanted nice pictures with everyone dressed up. she said if she were my real kid i would have never done what i had done she also told her dad that i was banned from future events of hers because she knows "i will be a terrible person" and wear sweatpants to her wedding. i apologized and tried to explain what had happened and that i was very proud of her and was very sorry she felt like an afterthought. i told her we could all dress up for dinner and take better pictures, but she was angry at my suggestion. she has not spoken to me and has not spoken to my husband since (he apologized but tried to defend me) am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my stepdaughter graduated college, so my husband, myself, and our kids (the ones we have together) traveled to watch the ceremonies, take her to dinner, give her gifts, and spend time with her since she will be all over during the summer with her friends and mom's side before she starts grad school in the fall. we had to fly in to see her, so i was wearing a comfy matching workout set (in her school colors to celebrate) on the flight, and had a dress and heels in my carry-on to change into before the ceremony. unfortunately, we had a delayed flight and things were very hectic and we barely got there in time for the graduation, and our kids wanted to stop and pick out flowers for her. my young son got very sick and with all the chaos, and taking care of the kids, and getting there with the traffic, i never ended up changing because it completely slipped my mind and i have zero idea how. i think i was just very exhausted. my stepdaughter was very upset and was very warm to her dad and half-siblings, but was cold with me. i asked her privately what was wrong and she told me she was furious with how disrespectful i was with my clothing (people were dressed kind of casually because the big ceremony was outdoors in the football stadium) and that she wanted nice pictures with everyone dressed up. she said if she were my real kid i would have never done what i had done she also told her dad that i was banned from future events of hers because she knows "i will be a terrible person" and wear sweatpants to her wedding. i apologized and tried to explain what had happened and that i was very proud of her and was very sorry she felt like an afterthought. i told her we could all dress up for dinner and take better pictures, but she was angry at my suggestion. she has not spoken to me and has not spoken to my husband since (he apologized but tried to defend me) am i the asshole? [/INST] yta - in comments you said you wore a sports bra to her college graduation, and that you didn’t take the time to change because your kids are “young and wanted mom” - you prioritized them over the 10 minutes you would have needed to be more presentable to your stepdaughter’s major life event. </s>
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AITA for not paying for my daughters wedding?
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my husband and i started saving for my daughters (28) college fund since she was born, we both worked really hard for our money and we accumulated a lot for her. she ended up getting a scholarship to cover a lot of her college so we had about 20k left over, we offered to give to to her at the time and she said she’d rather we keep it for when she gets married and we agreed. that was years ago now.
about 4 years ago my daughter came out as bi-sexual and started dating a girl, this shocked us a lot because we never saw her as the type. my husband and i were really upset because we loved the idea of her having a husband and a family, grandchildren for us. we thought it was just a phase but 4 years later they are still together and they got engaged last month.
they came over to visit and do some wedding planning, she got her journal and it had the finances they put aside for the wedding as well as ‘20k- mom & dad’. i saw this and told her that we were planning on using that 20k for renovations now. she questioned us and we were upfront and said we agreed for her to use that money under the assumption she was marrying a man. her girlfriend got very upset and started calling us homophobic, and my daughter just sat there letting her go off at us. then my daughter said “that money was mine and i had it all planned out to use it towards the wedding” well no it is our money that we saved with a specific use. she left in a huff and told us to never speak to her again. i think she is being very ungrateful but my other daughter has now turned on us as well and said we are terrible parents. i am not homophobic i respect same sex couples it is just not what i wanted for my daughter. aita?
| 10,858 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hhw1pw/aita_for_not_paying_for_my_daughters_wedding/
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2020-06-29 08:21:37
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yta. you were willing to just straight up hand over the money to her, and she asked you to save it for her wedding. then she found someone to marry, and now you are refusing to hand over the money because that person happens to be a woman. you are being unsupportive and homophobic.
and it’s not even about the money, it’s about how you refusing to give the money clearly shows that you don’t consider her relationship valid or good enough. it shows that you think less of her because of her sexuality, and that’s horrible.
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yta, and you're homophobic. you have no problems with same sex couples so long as you're not related to them.
you agreed to keep it for her wedding, did you say at the time only if you marry someone of the opposite gender no. your daughter had a reasonable expectation, you had agreed to keep the 20k for her wedding.
normally i'd be saying not the ah when kids expect money from parents, but in this case where you'd agreed to it. hadn't ever told the daughter something different. and are a bigoted ah you and your husband are the ah.
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# yta.
please don't try to downplay homophobia. you had a preferred sexuality for your daughter in mind and are not willing to accept her (rightfully) own decisions.
&#x200b;
you concluded **together** that the money you saved up was for your daughter's wedding. the money may have originated from you, but she has equal say in where it can get used.
&#x200b;
let me ask you this: **are you willing to alienate your daughter from your lives just to spend the extra cash on a new couch?**
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yta.
to be clear, you aren't obligated to pay for your daughter's wedding. if you could no longer afford to contribute because your financial situation or priorities changed since the last time you discussed the money and its intended purpose, that would be understandable. but by your own admission, the only reason you aren't following through is that you don't approve of her same-gender partner. we have a word for that. it's called homophobia.
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>i am not homophobic i respect same sex couples it is just not what i wanted for my daughter
yta i'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear but i'm bi with a lot of friends in the lgbtq community and that's one of the number one thing homophobic parents say to make themselves feel better. you can't say you're not homophobic if you can't except your kids' lifestyles; it's hurtful and basically a slap in the face. it's actually worst then just admitting that you are homophobic because this is like saying "i'm fine with everyone else but not you". no kid asked to be born, they just were, so your daughter need freedom to control her own lives especially who she marries.
you already promised the money to her so it already is her money. the deal was made without any caveat so it's not right to back down on your end of the bargain just because you're angry.
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“i’m openly homophobic towards my own daughter. aita?” you’re just a troll. git.
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yta - homophobic parents are always like this. good luck with this attitude for the rest of your miserable life without your daughter
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yta. newsflash: you’re homophobic
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yta! you agreed to set aside that money for when she gets married, it doesn’t matter who she gets married to whether it’s a man or a woman, you are completely going back on what you said to her and quite frankly it makes you look very homophobic and basically an ah. how was she to know that this was meant to be for if she married a man?
you know 2 women can have children right and be great parents, you can still have your family and grandchild life if she chooses to have children. this post has just made me really angry because there is clearly some homophobic antics there. but yeah yta
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>i am not homophobic i respect same sex couples it is just not what i wanted for my daughter
you're either a homophobe or a controlling narcissist (
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i started saving for my daughters (28) college fund since she was born, we both worked really hard for our money and we accumulated a lot for her. she ended up getting a scholarship to cover a lot of her college so we had about 20k left over, we offered to give to to her at the time and she said she’d rather we keep it for when she gets married and we agreed. that was years ago now. about 4 years ago my daughter came out as bi-sexual and started dating a girl, this shocked us a lot because we never saw her as the type. my husband and i were really upset because we loved the idea of her having a husband and a family, grandchildren for us. we thought it was just a phase but 4 years later they are still together and they got engaged last month. they came over to visit and do some wedding planning, she got her journal and it had the finances they put aside for the wedding as well as ‘20k- mom & dad’. i saw this and told her that we were planning on using that 20k for renovations now. she questioned us and we were upfront and said we agreed for her to use that money under the assumption she was marrying a man. her girlfriend got very upset and started calling us homophobic, and my daughter just sat there letting her go off at us. then my daughter said “that money was mine and i had it all planned out to use it towards the wedding” well no it is our money that we saved with a specific use. she left in a huff and told us to never speak to her again. i think she is being very ungrateful but my other daughter has now turned on us as well and said we are terrible parents. i am not homophobic i respect same sex couples it is just not what i wanted for my daughter. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i started saving for my daughters (28) college fund since she was born, we both worked really hard for our money and we accumulated a lot for her. she ended up getting a scholarship to cover a lot of her college so we had about 20k left over, we offered to give to to her at the time and she said she’d rather we keep it for when she gets married and we agreed. that was years ago now. about 4 years ago my daughter came out as bi-sexual and started dating a girl, this shocked us a lot because we never saw her as the type. my husband and i were really upset because we loved the idea of her having a husband and a family, grandchildren for us. we thought it was just a phase but 4 years later they are still together and they got engaged last month. they came over to visit and do some wedding planning, she got her journal and it had the finances they put aside for the wedding as well as ‘20k- mom & dad’. i saw this and told her that we were planning on using that 20k for renovations now. she questioned us and we were upfront and said we agreed for her to use that money under the assumption she was marrying a man. her girlfriend got very upset and started calling us homophobic, and my daughter just sat there letting her go off at us. then my daughter said “that money was mine and i had it all planned out to use it towards the wedding” well no it is our money that we saved with a specific use. she left in a huff and told us to never speak to her again. i think she is being very ungrateful but my other daughter has now turned on us as well and said we are terrible parents. i am not homophobic i respect same sex couples it is just not what i wanted for my daughter. aita? [/INST] yta. you were willing to just straight up hand over the money to her, and she asked you to save it for her wedding. then she found someone to marry, and now you are refusing to hand over the money because that person happens to be a woman. you are being unsupportive and homophobic. and it’s not even about the money, it’s about how you refusing to give the money clearly shows that you don’t consider her relationship valid or good enough. it shows that you think less of her because of her sexuality, and that’s horrible. </s>
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AITA for not telling someone I can read lips
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this happened pre covid btw.
i've had hearing loss for most of my life , but it was diagnosed when i was about 7 years old. so i learned to read lips at the same time i was learning to speak. i'm very proficient in reading lips.
whenever i work with someone new, i make sure to let them know that i have hearing loss and to make sure that they are facing me and i'm aware they're talkin to me.
i've never actually mentioned to any co-workers that i could read lips & but i'm pretty sure most of them at least suspect it strongly.
a new co-worker started and i did my customary introduction and disclaimer about my hearing.
i don't think she believed me because she got very offended when i ignored her. the problem being she was trying to get my attention from behind me and i genuinely did not hear her. once someone got my attention i apologize to her and pointed out that i did have hearing loss and i wasn't aware that she was talking to me.
a few days later she was venting to a mutual coworker. the only problem was she was facing me and i could read her lips perfectly.
after a few minutes i approached her and let her know that if she was going to s*** talk someone she needed to make sure they couldn't understand her and that i was reading her lips the entire time.
i told her i was upset that she wouldn't just come to me, and that i did tell her twice that i was partially deaf and couldn't hear her. she freaked out because apparently i was being rude by reading her lips when she was facing me
| 24,745 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hidzc5/aita_for_not_telling_someone_i_can_read_lips/
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2020-06-30 02:00:22
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nta. sounds like you taught her a very important lesson and she was embarrassed. glad you called her out and stuck up for yourself.
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i have a severe progressive hearing loss and read lips. i can't turn it off, did you know puppets say "blah, blah, blah"? nta
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nta- also suffer from partial hearing loss and read lips. i tell coworkers i am hearing impaired for the same reason, and some people did think i was purposely ignoring them before i started. i feel like everyone already knows i read lips because i work behind a loud bar and will look at peoples lips while they speak. but it’s not some super power lol and it’s not rude to do. don’t talk shit if you don’t want them to find out 🤷🏼♀️
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[removed]
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nta
people who are deaf or hoh are never the asshole for not saying they can read lips. that’s a personal choice and truly no one else’s business. and you did tell her.
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nta. if she called you an asshole for reading her lips, she basically took advantage of your hearing loss by talking shit about you in front of you. why would you talk shit about someone in the same room as them and be surprised when they confront you about it?
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nta but you should let hr know she isn't respecting you at work and talking shit
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hi! i'm just like you except i can't sign. i'm sorry this is long.
people don't always fully grasp the impact of our disability when we let them know. it doesn't matter if you say hard of hearing, hearing impaired, deaf, partially deaf, whatever. i don't have to tell you how often people reply "oh me too, haha" when they are clearly not at a point where they require aides and visual cues to get through a conversation.
most people can read a few things like "fuck you" or "wow" other common phrases. i think when we tell people to look at us so we can read their lips, they associate lipreading with how *they* lipread, and assume we must catch a few extra words.
everyone has experienced struggling to hear at some point. so i think when people find out about someone's hearing loss, they think "oh it's like when i can't hear but a little quieter." they don't understand how simply not seeing the person speaking can be crippling or just completely impossible to hear. that's not how it is for them.
i don't know how old you are now, but part of the struggle is deafness being associated with old age unless the person was born profoundly deaf. i don't know why it's one or the other for people but it seems that way to me. the fact that you are speaking in a vocal conversation also makes it very easy for people to forget, or choose to forget, that you have a disability and are putting more effort into communicating than they are.
this is what i have learned from navigating the corporate world: **let them see the fuck out of your deafness.** don't compromise on being included or change your behaviors to protect your peers from embarrassment. you don't have to constantly confront and remind people, just let your tools and cues be noticeable.
* jump when someone comes up behind you.
* lean wayyyy the hell in when someone isn't projecting. cup your ear with your hand and strain your face.
* don't give up on someone who's repeating badly. say "i'm sorry, what?" over and over, and react to it like it's the first time you heard it when you finally get it.
* laugh loud at a joke, even if it's when your brain just takes a little longer to put the context clues together.
* don't back down when someone seems a little uneasy about you staring at their mouth.
* always pay attention — by this i mean don't find yourself saying "sorry, i wasn't listening." never ignore anyone. feel free to tell people that you never ignore anyone because your brain is wired to always listen when you can.
* train the people you work with — you probably already do this. "15? did you say one five or one six?" "t as in tom? (while gesturing a t)" "you said we were meeting someone at the something at 3:30?"
* if everyone is sitting on one side of the meeting table, sit on the opposite side so you can see everyone. you can even ask people to move.
* my favorite is to remind people that when they interrupt each other, i lose them. people love this because they hate being interrupted in the first place.
just be your happy self. people will get used to it, and eventually, they will support and protect you just out of habit. the ones who don't will be shamed by those who have gotten to know you.
you have a disability, and your workplace has to accommodate you by law. if your ignorant coworker continues, you can tell hr that you are concerned that a coworker is not accomodating you by waiting to catch your eye before speaking. they won't want to deal with that situation escalating to a legal issue.
&#x200b;
**tl;dr: i'm deaf too and i got a little passionate. you have every right to use your tools.**
&#x200b;
oh and nta :)
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nta - just like i can't help what my hears hear, you can't help what your eyes see.
these corona masks must be a real kick in the teeth for you, do you also sign?
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nta. you aren't obligated to tell anyone you can read lips, and she was being incredibly rude for taking advantage of your lack of hearing and talking in front of you thinking you wouldn't notice.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this happened pre covid btw. i've had hearing loss for most of my life , but it was diagnosed when i was about 7 years old. so i learned to read lips at the same time i was learning to speak. i'm very proficient in reading lips. whenever i work with someone new, i make sure to let them know that i have hearing loss and to make sure that they are facing me and i'm aware they're talkin to me. i've never actually mentioned to any co-workers that i could read lips & but i'm pretty sure most of them at least suspect it strongly. a new co-worker started and i did my customary introduction and disclaimer about my hearing. i don't think she believed me because she got very offended when i ignored her. the problem being she was trying to get my attention from behind me and i genuinely did not hear her. once someone got my attention i apologize to her and pointed out that i did have hearing loss and i wasn't aware that she was talking to me. a few days later she was venting to a mutual coworker. the only problem was she was facing me and i could read her lips perfectly. after a few minutes i approached her and let her know that if she was going to s*** talk someone she needed to make sure they couldn't understand her and that i was reading her lips the entire time. i told her i was upset that she wouldn't just come to me, and that i did tell her twice that i was partially deaf and couldn't hear her. she freaked out because apparently i was being rude by reading her lips when she was facing me
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this happened pre covid btw. i've had hearing loss for most of my life , but it was diagnosed when i was about 7 years old. so i learned to read lips at the same time i was learning to speak. i'm very proficient in reading lips. whenever i work with someone new, i make sure to let them know that i have hearing loss and to make sure that they are facing me and i'm aware they're talkin to me. i've never actually mentioned to any co-workers that i could read lips & but i'm pretty sure most of them at least suspect it strongly. a new co-worker started and i did my customary introduction and disclaimer about my hearing. i don't think she believed me because she got very offended when i ignored her. the problem being she was trying to get my attention from behind me and i genuinely did not hear her. once someone got my attention i apologize to her and pointed out that i did have hearing loss and i wasn't aware that she was talking to me. a few days later she was venting to a mutual coworker. the only problem was she was facing me and i could read her lips perfectly. after a few minutes i approached her and let her know that if she was going to s*** talk someone she needed to make sure they couldn't understand her and that i was reading her lips the entire time. i told her i was upset that she wouldn't just come to me, and that i did tell her twice that i was partially deaf and couldn't hear her. she freaked out because apparently i was being rude by reading her lips when she was facing me [/INST] nta. sounds like you taught her a very important lesson and she was embarrassed. glad you called her out and stuck up for yourself. </s>
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AITA for getting mad that my girlfriend didn't set up her room the same way I did
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update (5/13): i bought her an extension cord and she started talking to me again
i (22m) started dating my girlfriend (21f) in january. unfortunately i had to move about 3 hours north of her for work reasons.
we've been continuing long distance and it has worked out very well. she had to move in back in with her parents due to covid but moved into her parents office to have her own private space to do school work (she used to share a room there with her sister).
we were texting while we were setting up our new rooms and i mentioned how i thought it was cute we were doing this together. i made a point to her of putting my bed near an outlet so that i could charge my computer from there so i could always video chat her while i was in my bed.
i was video chatting her last night and she mentioned having to leave her bed to plug in her computer soon. i got very frustrated just because she knows i like the feeling of video chatting her while we were both in bed. i was like "didn't you understand that when i mentioned i was positing my bed towards and outlet i wanted you to do that as well". she got very offended and started crying about how i have no right to tell her how to set up her own room and that she can video chat me fine from her desk. i was like "well you know how important it is to me we do this from bed so it can feel like we're laying down next to each other", she said i was being ridiculous and hung up the call, she hasn't spoken to me all day.
i truly feel like i totally have the right to be angry that she's ignoring what i said was important to me but i'd just like to confirm that. aita?
&#x200b;
| 5,985 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ggw1hk/aita_for_getting_mad_that_my_girlfriend_didnt_set/
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2020-05-10 06:03:50
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yta - it sounds like you have *serious* control issues, i honestly doubt that something like this is the first time you've been controlling over something small. i can't blame her for not talking to you all day, and honestly i wouldn't blame her if she just keeps not talking to you forever.
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bro yta
> i made a point to her of putting my bed near an outlet so that i could charge my computer from there so i could always video chat her while i was in my bed.
> [...]
> i got very frustrated just because she knows i like the feeling of video chatting her while we were both in bed. i was like "didn't you understand that when i mentioned i was positing my bed towards and outlet i wanted you to do that as well".
> [...]
> i was like "well you know how important it is to me we do this from bed so it can feel like we're laying down next to each other"
this reeks of passive communication.
i don't see anything in your post that indicates that you clearly and directly said, "hey, gf, it's really important to me that it feels like we're lying in bed together when we webcam. would you be willing to set up your room so we can do that regularly?". and then after asking such a question, i see nothing indicating you got a "yes!" from your gf.
it sounds like you're expecting her to read your mind based on your actions, which is completely unrealistic.
try clearly communicating what you want with words instead of assuming she'll get the gist from vague actions.
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yta and this is totally weird.
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yta. she doesn’t have to set up her room to please you and you sound like an entitled brat.
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amazon prime her an extension lead, include an apology. very weird hill to die on, if i was her i would be very weirded out by this.
yta
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yta. this is an insane thing to get mad about. maybe she should’ve charged it if y’all had planned to talk but like this is not reasonable. she’s allowed to have her room however she wants and can always get an extension cord or something if that makes it easier.
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yta 1000%. this is insane. you cannot demand she does anything in her own room. also, that is crazy, how would she just know that. you could've just asked her hey i would like if you could do this but instead, you wanna be a controlling ah. apologize, check yourself, and hope she does not break up with you because i would.
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> i was like "didn't you understand that when i mentioned i was positing my bed towards and outlet i wanted you to do that as well". she got very offended and started crying about how i have no right to tell her how to set up her own room and that she can video chat me fine from her desk. i was like "well you know how important it is to me we do this from bed so it can feel like we're laying down next to each other", she said i was being ridiculous and hung up the call, she hasn't spoken to me all day.
yta. no one would ever understand that "setting up our rooms together" means "setting up our rooms with the exact layout re: electronics and their outlets." even if by some miracle someone actually interpreted that correctly, it's her room. she can do with it as she pleases.
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info: did you explicitly tell her that you put your bed next to an outlet so you could video chat her while in bed? it's possible that she didn't pick up on the hint, especially since it sounds like the initial conversation occurred over text.
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yta- dude it's her room. she can do it however she likes. you don't have a right to get mad at her. you don't own her or anything
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: update (5/13): i bought her an extension cord and she started talking to me again i (22m) started dating my girlfriend (21f) in january. unfortunately i had to move about 3 hours north of her for work reasons. we've been continuing long distance and it has worked out very well. she had to move in back in with her parents due to covid but moved into her parents office to have her own private space to do school work (she used to share a room there with her sister). we were texting while we were setting up our new rooms and i mentioned how i thought it was cute we were doing this together. i made a point to her of putting my bed near an outlet so that i could charge my computer from there so i could always video chat her while i was in my bed. i was video chatting her last night and she mentioned having to leave her bed to plug in her computer soon. i got very frustrated just because she knows i like the feeling of video chatting her while we were both in bed. i was like "didn't you understand that when i mentioned i was positing my bed towards and outlet i wanted you to do that as well". she got very offended and started crying about how i have no right to tell her how to set up her own room and that she can video chat me fine from her desk. i was like "well you know how important it is to me we do this from bed so it can feel like we're laying down next to each other", she said i was being ridiculous and hung up the call, she hasn't spoken to me all day. i truly feel like i totally have the right to be angry that she's ignoring what i said was important to me but i'd just like to confirm that. aita? &#x200b;
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
update (5/13): i bought her an extension cord and she started talking to me again i (22m) started dating my girlfriend (21f) in january. unfortunately i had to move about 3 hours north of her for work reasons. we've been continuing long distance and it has worked out very well. she had to move in back in with her parents due to covid but moved into her parents office to have her own private space to do school work (she used to share a room there with her sister). we were texting while we were setting up our new rooms and i mentioned how i thought it was cute we were doing this together. i made a point to her of putting my bed near an outlet so that i could charge my computer from there so i could always video chat her while i was in my bed. i was video chatting her last night and she mentioned having to leave her bed to plug in her computer soon. i got very frustrated just because she knows i like the feeling of video chatting her while we were both in bed. i was like "didn't you understand that when i mentioned i was positing my bed towards and outlet i wanted you to do that as well". she got very offended and started crying about how i have no right to tell her how to set up her own room and that she can video chat me fine from her desk. i was like "well you know how important it is to me we do this from bed so it can feel like we're laying down next to each other", she said i was being ridiculous and hung up the call, she hasn't spoken to me all day. i truly feel like i totally have the right to be angry that she's ignoring what i said was important to me but i'd just like to confirm that. aita? &#x200b; [/INST] yta - it sounds like you have *serious* control issues, i honestly doubt that something like this is the first time you've been controlling over something small. i can't blame her for not talking to you all day, and honestly i wouldn't blame her if she just keeps not talking to you forever. </s>
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AITA for not making my daughter do chores she hates doing?
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throwaway. i'm 36f and my daughter is 16. her dad and i spilt over a decade ago and share custody. since the pandemic, she has been with him and now he's living out of the country so she is with me full time. since covid, my finance took a blow. my ex couldn't help out much and my brother and wife has space and needed help with the kids so i moved there. sils brother died of covid leaving his kids 4&6 with her and her husband who already had 3 kids of their own 17, 13& 15. my brother is a doctor and his wife needed a lot of help. i helped out as much as i could while staying here. she and i butt heads a few times since our parenting styles are different, i think the kids should spend more times being kids and not washing a million dishes after dinner. she had a system, a chore chart. every other week it changes. everyone is apart of the chart and her kids don't mind as much but i do. since my ex left, my daughter is with me. she hates the chart and feels like it's crazy for her to clean up after everyone like the dishes or vacuuming.
one night my daughter didn't do the dishes and my sil caught her before bed and asked why. my daughter told her she didn't want to do them. sil said she has to do them as she's apart of the mess and sil can't make breakfast in a dirty kitchen. an argument started and i got home to it. i spoke my sil saying it's truly unfair because she's only 1 person and isn't making a big mess and my daughter said she isn't apart of this family unit. sil said okay and did the dishes herself. from that moment, my daughter isn't invited to do any fun activity with the family. sil normally baked goodies for her church and the kids help. she love helping, especially the older ones. my daughter loves it as well but they started without her and when she got there, she never got her normal duties. sil took the kids out most saturdays to have fun. my daughter wasn't invited. the older kids are being cold with my daughter because of how she shouted at their mom. i think it's ridiculous to shut my daughter out from all of this. i told my brother who says those activities are family activities and since my daughter isn't apart of the family unit and pulling her weight during the hard parts, she cannot enjoy the good parts either especially since i'm not bringing in any momey. just because she doesn't want to do dishes. i told sil to not turn her kids against mine and her oldest daughter got defensive saying they aren't stupid and heard the argument for themselves to pick sides. it's all just stupid. my daughter doesn't want to do chores and i'm not going to force her. sil is the one with 5 kids cause the 2 youngest could stay with her parents. my ex says sil shouldn't include our daughter since she doesn't want to help. i'm told i'm the asshole for enabling but i don't think so. am i?
| 4,047 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ucl0fh/aita_for_not_making_my_daughter_do_chores_she/
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2022-04-26 19:47:20
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yta. she said she wasn't a part of that family, now they're treating her like it. why the shocked pikachu face?
you don't get to say things like that, not do a chore because you don't want to, and expect you get some kind of special treatment.
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yta, and so is your daughter. pull your fucking weight, and tell your daughter to as well. you are literally one step away from being homeless, and you are already walking down the path of being a bad parent. you do make the kids do chores they 'don't want to do' because she lives there. she uses dishes. she uses their electricity and water and enjoys the advantages of indoor living. your daughter was rude and pissy about not being a part of the family, and your inlaws have every right not to include her in family specials since she was outrageously rude. you and your ex don't have your shit together and are raising a spoiled brat. when my own son complains about doing a chore, i remind him "you live here, you help". and he does it because he knows i'll follow through and make him do it. you apparently haven't impressed upon your daughter that other people deserve consideration and respect. she's going to be as much of an insufferable, exhausting nightmare as you are continuing to fail her as a parent. you should be grateful that you are still housed because i would have thrown you both out and made you someone else's problem. you say you helped as much as you could-- that means getting your and your daughter's attitudes in line and backing your sil up, as she is the female head of that household.
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yta for supporting and enabling this behavior in your daughter. you know how a family is - everyone contributes. she wants to have the fun stuff but not help with the cleanup. a chore chart is very reasonable, and she needs to help out. if you guys are going to live there, you both need to contribute. based on your description, your brother and sil are exceptionally generous people, and your daughter is taking advantage of that.
i would have her apologize to her aunt, and do whatever is needed. her cousins will warm up again and she'll be able to do the fun stuff.
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yta sil is trying to manage a big household with a lot of moving parts, all of whom are contributing to the mess. "i think the kids should spend more times being kids and not washing a million dishes after dinner" uh, do that at your own house. the kids generate the million dishes, and sil and brother can't possibly shoulder this on their own--the kids, especially the older ones, should be on a glide path to being competent, reasonable adults who can transfer these skills to doing dishes at their own place pretty soon..
as long as the chores your daughter (and you) are being assigned are appropriate and fair--that one person isn't always doing something onerous--that's part of the package of living there. unilaterally exempting your kid from this while taking advantage of their living space is not cool and it is teaching her to be a free rider in the household. if i was one of the kids doing chores for the common good, i'd be pissed at the moocher, too.
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it’s not stupid. you’re raising an entitled child. based on this post, i suspect it’s trickling down from *you.*
yta
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yta the fact that you don't seem seem to realize that is honestly concerning.
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yta and your edit makes you sound like an even bigger ah, your name sil issues, i see the issue, its you. your poor sil
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yta, so it’s ok to help with the baking but not with the dishes. being part of the family means also helping with the chores to keep the family house in order. need i point out, a house where your daughter was taken into when you needed a place.
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yta. you and your daughter were taken into a household that was already grapping with a loss and the addition of more children. to make it work, they are trying to distribute the work evenly and have everyone lend a hand. why should your little princess get all the benefits of living there without having to lift a finger to help out? it would be different if none of the other children did anything and her highness was expected to do it all, but give me a break! she's 16. washing dishes or vacuuming a floor isn't going to destroy her life!
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i kinda agree with sil, if she doesnt want to be apart of the family unit and do chores then why should she be included with everything else? its not like she was cinderella, it was a chore chart that everyone participated in. its a good way to keep a house clean and organized especially when there are a lot of people living there.
info- since you moved in are you working and or paying for anything? and would you move back out to your own house if possible?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway. i'm 36f and my daughter is 16. her dad and i spilt over a decade ago and share custody. since the pandemic, she has been with him and now he's living out of the country so she is with me full time. since covid, my finance took a blow. my ex couldn't help out much and my brother and wife has space and needed help with the kids so i moved there. sils brother died of covid leaving his kids 4&6 with her and her husband who already had 3 kids of their own 17, 13& 15. my brother is a doctor and his wife needed a lot of help. i helped out as much as i could while staying here. she and i butt heads a few times since our parenting styles are different, i think the kids should spend more times being kids and not washing a million dishes after dinner. she had a system, a chore chart. every other week it changes. everyone is apart of the chart and her kids don't mind as much but i do. since my ex left, my daughter is with me. she hates the chart and feels like it's crazy for her to clean up after everyone like the dishes or vacuuming. one night my daughter didn't do the dishes and my sil caught her before bed and asked why. my daughter told her she didn't want to do them. sil said she has to do them as she's apart of the mess and sil can't make breakfast in a dirty kitchen. an argument started and i got home to it. i spoke my sil saying it's truly unfair because she's only 1 person and isn't making a big mess and my daughter said she isn't apart of this family unit. sil said okay and did the dishes herself. from that moment, my daughter isn't invited to do any fun activity with the family. sil normally baked goodies for her church and the kids help. she love helping, especially the older ones. my daughter loves it as well but they started without her and when she got there, she never got her normal duties. sil took the kids out most saturdays to have fun. my daughter wasn't invited. the older kids are being cold with my daughter because of how she shouted at their mom. i think it's ridiculous to shut my daughter out from all of this. i told my brother who says those activities are family activities and since my daughter isn't apart of the family unit and pulling her weight during the hard parts, she cannot enjoy the good parts either especially since i'm not bringing in any momey. just because she doesn't want to do dishes. i told sil to not turn her kids against mine and her oldest daughter got defensive saying they aren't stupid and heard the argument for themselves to pick sides. it's all just stupid. my daughter doesn't want to do chores and i'm not going to force her. sil is the one with 5 kids cause the 2 youngest could stay with her parents. my ex says sil shouldn't include our daughter since she doesn't want to help. i'm told i'm the asshole for enabling but i don't think so. am i?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway. i'm 36f and my daughter is 16. her dad and i spilt over a decade ago and share custody. since the pandemic, she has been with him and now he's living out of the country so she is with me full time. since covid, my finance took a blow. my ex couldn't help out much and my brother and wife has space and needed help with the kids so i moved there. sils brother died of covid leaving his kids 4&6 with her and her husband who already had 3 kids of their own 17, 13& 15. my brother is a doctor and his wife needed a lot of help. i helped out as much as i could while staying here. she and i butt heads a few times since our parenting styles are different, i think the kids should spend more times being kids and not washing a million dishes after dinner. she had a system, a chore chart. every other week it changes. everyone is apart of the chart and her kids don't mind as much but i do. since my ex left, my daughter is with me. she hates the chart and feels like it's crazy for her to clean up after everyone like the dishes or vacuuming. one night my daughter didn't do the dishes and my sil caught her before bed and asked why. my daughter told her she didn't want to do them. sil said she has to do them as she's apart of the mess and sil can't make breakfast in a dirty kitchen. an argument started and i got home to it. i spoke my sil saying it's truly unfair because she's only 1 person and isn't making a big mess and my daughter said she isn't apart of this family unit. sil said okay and did the dishes herself. from that moment, my daughter isn't invited to do any fun activity with the family. sil normally baked goodies for her church and the kids help. she love helping, especially the older ones. my daughter loves it as well but they started without her and when she got there, she never got her normal duties. sil took the kids out most saturdays to have fun. my daughter wasn't invited. the older kids are being cold with my daughter because of how she shouted at their mom. i think it's ridiculous to shut my daughter out from all of this. i told my brother who says those activities are family activities and since my daughter isn't apart of the family unit and pulling her weight during the hard parts, she cannot enjoy the good parts either especially since i'm not bringing in any momey. just because she doesn't want to do dishes. i told sil to not turn her kids against mine and her oldest daughter got defensive saying they aren't stupid and heard the argument for themselves to pick sides. it's all just stupid. my daughter doesn't want to do chores and i'm not going to force her. sil is the one with 5 kids cause the 2 youngest could stay with her parents. my ex says sil shouldn't include our daughter since she doesn't want to help. i'm told i'm the asshole for enabling but i don't think so. am i? [/INST] yta. she said she wasn't a part of that family, now they're treating her like it. why the shocked pikachu face? you don't get to say things like that, not do a chore because you don't want to, and expect you get some kind of special treatment. </s>
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AITA for telling coworkers extremely bluntly why I'm not participating in the office weight loss bet?
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someone got the brilliant idea to make an office diet bet due to covid gains, with people pooling in their money to see who can lose the most weight by thanksgiving.
i am one of 7 people not participating. lots of preggos, some bodybuilders, and people who maintained their weight who aren't interested. since i've visibly gained, they thought i'd want to participate. i didn't. jen, in charge of everything, kept dropping by to remind me to turn in my form and my money.
i said "no thanks." jen wouldn't drop it. other people got involved, asking me why not all the time, it'll be fun! don't be scared, i'd "feel better" and "look better" (i told them no, i wouldn't) and it's a great way to bond, we're all in it together, it's like weight watchers!
"i'm not interested," and then eventually, "i. said. no. drop it." they decided i wanted them to convince me. two weeks into the bet, they tried to trick on the scale to "shock" me.
i contacted hr, people finally backed down. i'm eating my food one day (rice and beans), people sitting with me start dropping hints that how they feel so much better now that they aren't eating carby comfort food all the time.
i said "i'm glad you feel better."
they took this as a sign that i "knew" i'd "feel better" again and started up saying i could still join in. i finally fucking snapped and said "you guys suck. i'm a recovering anorexic. i get one whiff of competition and start starving myself for days and start puking up what i do eat until i'd have to get my third oral surgery to remove rotting teeth. does that sound worth it to you?"
chorus of "wow" and "we were just joking."
i said "no, you weren't *just joking*. congratulations, by the way. after you all wouldn't stop, i weighed myself for the first time in seven years and didn't eat for two days. does that make you all *feel good*?"
none of them would look me in the eye, so i just went home for the day. i got a call from the women in hr, who were shockingly supportive of me. one of the bodybuilder guys stepped up and said he's witnessed a lot of the harassment and he doesn't blame me for my outburst. a few others did too.
however, they had to cancel the diet bet (i didn't ask them to) and people are blaming me. saying that i can't take a joke, it wasn't "that deep" and the girls present said they no longer feel "safe" working with me because i obviously have mental issues. one of them made a big stink about "politically correct bullshit" and how i'm the typical hypersensitive milennial.
i go back and forth on this all day, thinking i should have just swallowed my anger and gone back to hr or just stopped eating lunch in the office or whatever. i didn't mean to ruin anyone's fun but i also feel justified in pushing back on their harassment.
aita?
| 44,997 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jhwisp/aita_for_telling_coworkers_extremely_bluntly_why/
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2020-10-25 16:46:09
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nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta!
they took this public, not you. your hr team handled this appropriately. i’m glad some of your coworkers are supporting you as well.
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you're spot on, because what they are doing really is harassment - and that does not belong in the workplace.
nta.
and if they continue to give you grief in *retaliation* then you should continue to report - because the issue is not done.
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no. your nta. anorexia is a horrific illness and it's not something to be played around with. you were in a good place and they put you in the bad place. i'm sorry that this has happened to you 🥺 and i really hope you are receiving the support you need.
all your coworkers who have essentially tried to "get you to play along" are fucking assholes. they pushed and pushed and pushed and didn't like it when their own assholery got a snap back (not only from you but from hr, who i am assuming is the one who shut down the bet)
also, who the fuck bets on weight loss? that's literally how people develop illnesses like anorexia and bulimia.
*cuddles* from one recovering anorexic to another. please stay safe and try to stay comfortable with eating. if you get uncomfortable again, try to speak with a professional.
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nta.
your co-workers were harassing you. no matter your reason for saving no, to a non-work related competition, they should've dropped it immediately.
honestly, i'd let hr know about the comments being made, especially the women saying they don't feel safe because you are recovering from an eating disorder. that seems like it could easily skew into more harassment from them, based on how they've acted so far.
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nta
you told them you didn't want to participate multiple times, politely. they didn't take any notice of you and unsurprisingly it eventually came to a head. this has nothing to do with political correctness and everything to do with those colleagues being insensitive. no one should be forced to take part in activity outside of work regardless of what it is, similar to how you wouldn't force a former alcoholic to go to a pub/bar.
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nta
even not considering the eating disorder. at the first "no" they should've backed down. asking someone to lose weight is harassment and you were right to contact hr.
one can have a number of reasons for not wanting to lose weight. for example "i don't want to, mind your own beeswax."
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nta - at my prior org they tried similar till someone filled a complaint with the labor department after hr didn't deal with the passive aggressive harassment that was happening to people who opted out.
i have always been uncomfortable with the dietbet model. like i'm on ww and ill see ww ambassadors endorsing diet betting and its weird.
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nta. the event was canceled because they couldn't respect your boundaries not because of you. tbh though i'd start looking around at other jobs. i had a job where a manager kept trying to get handsy with me and after 6 months of asking him to stop i reported him to hr. people started getting mad at me because they had to do harassment training and he was just messing around, it was a joke. i was written up and reported by coworkers 5 times in 3 weeks over lies until i gave my notice.
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nta. i find all diet and weight talk a bit triggering just because i closely saw what severe anorexia did to my sister. i can't imagine what it means for you, especially if its so targeted directly at you. you tried to be good, you told them no several times. i am so sorry this happened. please take care of yourself, maybe reach out to some professional help (if you dont have it) if you feel yourself spiralling! i am glad there are some people who are supportive.
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nta
are you the asshole for laying down a boundary and then sticking up for yourself when people continuously smashed right through it? no, you are not, despite all the "mean girl" attempts to gas light you. "it was just a joke" - favorite line of all bullies everywhere.
good luck with that bunch of assholes.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: someone got the brilliant idea to make an office diet bet due to covid gains, with people pooling in their money to see who can lose the most weight by thanksgiving. i am one of 7 people not participating. lots of preggos, some bodybuilders, and people who maintained their weight who aren't interested. since i've visibly gained, they thought i'd want to participate. i didn't. jen, in charge of everything, kept dropping by to remind me to turn in my form and my money. i said "no thanks." jen wouldn't drop it. other people got involved, asking me why not all the time, it'll be fun! don't be scared, i'd "feel better" and "look better" (i told them no, i wouldn't) and it's a great way to bond, we're all in it together, it's like weight watchers! "i'm not interested," and then eventually, "i. said. no. drop it." they decided i wanted them to convince me. two weeks into the bet, they tried to trick on the scale to "shock" me. i contacted hr, people finally backed down. i'm eating my food one day (rice and beans), people sitting with me start dropping hints that how they feel so much better now that they aren't eating carby comfort food all the time. i said "i'm glad you feel better." they took this as a sign that i "knew" i'd "feel better" again and started up saying i could still join in. i finally fucking snapped and said "you guys suck. i'm a recovering anorexic. i get one whiff of competition and start starving myself for days and start puking up what i do eat until i'd have to get my third oral surgery to remove rotting teeth. does that sound worth it to you?" chorus of "wow" and "we were just joking." i said "no, you weren't *just joking*. congratulations, by the way. after you all wouldn't stop, i weighed myself for the first time in seven years and didn't eat for two days. does that make you all *feel good*?" none of them would look me in the eye, so i just went home for the day. i got a call from the women in hr, who were shockingly supportive of me. one of the bodybuilder guys stepped up and said he's witnessed a lot of the harassment and he doesn't blame me for my outburst. a few others did too. however, they had to cancel the diet bet (i didn't ask them to) and people are blaming me. saying that i can't take a joke, it wasn't "that deep" and the girls present said they no longer feel "safe" working with me because i obviously have mental issues. one of them made a big stink about "politically correct bullshit" and how i'm the typical hypersensitive milennial. i go back and forth on this all day, thinking i should have just swallowed my anger and gone back to hr or just stopped eating lunch in the office or whatever. i didn't mean to ruin anyone's fun but i also feel justified in pushing back on their harassment. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
someone got the brilliant idea to make an office diet bet due to covid gains, with people pooling in their money to see who can lose the most weight by thanksgiving. i am one of 7 people not participating. lots of preggos, some bodybuilders, and people who maintained their weight who aren't interested. since i've visibly gained, they thought i'd want to participate. i didn't. jen, in charge of everything, kept dropping by to remind me to turn in my form and my money. i said "no thanks." jen wouldn't drop it. other people got involved, asking me why not all the time, it'll be fun! don't be scared, i'd "feel better" and "look better" (i told them no, i wouldn't) and it's a great way to bond, we're all in it together, it's like weight watchers! "i'm not interested," and then eventually, "i. said. no. drop it." they decided i wanted them to convince me. two weeks into the bet, they tried to trick on the scale to "shock" me. i contacted hr, people finally backed down. i'm eating my food one day (rice and beans), people sitting with me start dropping hints that how they feel so much better now that they aren't eating carby comfort food all the time. i said "i'm glad you feel better." they took this as a sign that i "knew" i'd "feel better" again and started up saying i could still join in. i finally fucking snapped and said "you guys suck. i'm a recovering anorexic. i get one whiff of competition and start starving myself for days and start puking up what i do eat until i'd have to get my third oral surgery to remove rotting teeth. does that sound worth it to you?" chorus of "wow" and "we were just joking." i said "no, you weren't *just joking*. congratulations, by the way. after you all wouldn't stop, i weighed myself for the first time in seven years and didn't eat for two days. does that make you all *feel good*?" none of them would look me in the eye, so i just went home for the day. i got a call from the women in hr, who were shockingly supportive of me. one of the bodybuilder guys stepped up and said he's witnessed a lot of the harassment and he doesn't blame me for my outburst. a few others did too. however, they had to cancel the diet bet (i didn't ask them to) and people are blaming me. saying that i can't take a joke, it wasn't "that deep" and the girls present said they no longer feel "safe" working with me because i obviously have mental issues. one of them made a big stink about "politically correct bullshit" and how i'm the typical hypersensitive milennial. i go back and forth on this all day, thinking i should have just swallowed my anger and gone back to hr or just stopped eating lunch in the office or whatever. i didn't mean to ruin anyone's fun but i also feel justified in pushing back on their harassment. aita? [/INST] nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! they took this public, not you. your hr team handled this appropriately. i’m glad some of your coworkers are supporting you as well. </s>
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AITA For demanding my fiancé and his mom to pay for a new wedding address?
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me 26f and my fiancé 28m been engaged for 4 months, we're planning on having our wedding on october 18th, my future mother in law kept annoying me and sending me suggestions for choosing the right wedding dress, and said that she knew better and tried to get me to approve of wedding dresses that she chose and when she couldn't enforce her decision she demanded that i take her with me to buy my wedding dress so she could have an opinion.
before i went shopping i called her to ask if she wanted to come but started making excuses about how busy she was with my sister in law, i went shopping with my mom and i was able to find a really nice dress although it cost me a little over what i saved up for, but it was worth it.
i made some changes to it and it was perfect, it arrived to my apartment at the end of the week, i made sure it was stored in a safe place so it doesn't get ruined.
yesterday, i got back from my mom's house, and found that my fiancé wasn't home neither was the dress, i called him immediately knowing that he must've taken it to show it to his mom since she continuously asked to see it and refused to have me send her pictures of it on facebook.
i was so mad when it was confirmed that my fiancé took it to show it to his mom, he said he was gonna be home in 30 minutes after he went to the supermarket i waited for longer than i had to and then when he arrived i ran to get my dress that was buried underneath grocery bags, i took it to check on it and it's zipper was broken and the dress itself (fabric) was stretched out, i was like what the fuck happened to it, my mother in law must've tried it on, because it looked ruined, the straps were almost loose, i had to call my mother in law when my fiancé told me his mom and sister took turns to try it on, i was absolutely livid, she told me she did nothing wrong and that i was making a big deal out of it.
she said she'd get a replacement for the broken zipper, but i told her to pay for a new dress since it was stretched out and no longer fitting, she refused and said that i probably wasn't happy with my dress choice and wanted to her to pay so i could get a new one, i yelled at her for trying it on and ruining it, that she and my fiancé were responsible for ruining my dress so they should pay for a new one, it's done, no longer fitting, the straps are in a horrible condition, my mom said she'd pay for fixing it but i just hate it now that someone else wore it before me.
i'm mad at both of them and seriously considering postponing the wedding.
| 23,013 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j1kuds/aita_for_demanding_my_fiancé_and_his_mom_to_pay/
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2020-09-28 21:01:35
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nta.
girl do you hear yourself?? your fiance took your wedding dress without permission and allowed multiple people to try it on!
do you understand how disrespectful and innapropriate that is? you not only have a bad mother in law problem, you have a huge fiance problem. needless to say, id be doing more than postponing.
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you don’t need a new dress you need a new fiancé. nta
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don’t marry him- you will always be second best to his mother and sister.
what normal person tries on their future daughter in law /sister in laws wedding dress.
and what’s worse he took it round to their place so they could do that.
read the mother in law from hell stories and then run away far and fast.
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nta.
there are so many levels of wrong here, and none of it by you.
first off, it's super rude to try on someone else's wedding dress. it's *extremely* rude to try a dress on to the extent that the zipper breaks. like, there had to have been some serious tugging and yanking and signs the dress obviously did not fit before the zipper broke.
but it's really, really creepy that your fiancee's mom wanted to wear *your* wedding dress. did she imagine herself marrying her son?
and it's very, very red-flaggy that your fiancee treated your wishes so cavalierly. does he plan to put his mother ahead of you when it comes to things like kids or who he spends time with? is there a pattern of him ignoring your wishes when it conflicts with hers? does she make "jokes" about how you're taking her son away?
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nta
first : your fiance took your dress without your knowledge or permission?
second :they tried it on ?
why tho!!? that goes beyond commen sense and what's right imo .
i think you should let them pay for it and get your fiance involved, if he doesn't apologize and demand his family to repay you and apologize to you maybe you should consider all this wedding thing because stuff like that will keep happening in the future
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nta, but i don't think you need a new dress as much as you need a whole new fiancé. you are signing up for a life of him intentionally enabling his family's shitty, disrespectful behavior.
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nta and what kind of fiancé even looks at the wedding dress never mind even taking it to people to look at and then letting them try it on
yes they should pay for a new dress but not be there to see it and when it is ready store it at your mom’s
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nta. you are incredibly lucky to have been given such a clear glimpse into what your life will look like if you marry this man. throw the dress and the man away and go and live your best life.
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nta.
he sucks for caving into their pressure and bringing the dress, his mom and sister suck for destroying your property.
someone needs to pay to have this fixed to your satisfaction and from the sounds of it, it probably needs to be replaced with an identical non-ruined dress. if his mother and sister won't do it, then he needs to do it because without him stealing the dress, it never would have been ruined.
remember that. he stole your property because his mother asked him to.
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nta.
the issue isn't about the wedding dress. the issue is about boundaries. you would be right to be upset of they tried on anything of yours without permission, but that your fiance took it to them to try on?!? oh fn.
you need to discuss with your future so about what is acceptable and what is not acceptable.
for me this would be break up worthy. my so needs to respect me and my wishes before his parents because we are a team and need to act like a team. freaking...so many lines crossed! the second hand anger is real...
btw, take them to small claims court (no lawyers needed) for the cost of the dress and go buy a new one. don't eff around or they will continue to try and do this kind of stuff.
lastly, i would bet money your fmil wanted to pick the dress specifically to use it on another occasion.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me 26f and my fiancé 28m been engaged for 4 months, we're planning on having our wedding on october 18th, my future mother in law kept annoying me and sending me suggestions for choosing the right wedding dress, and said that she knew better and tried to get me to approve of wedding dresses that she chose and when she couldn't enforce her decision she demanded that i take her with me to buy my wedding dress so she could have an opinion. before i went shopping i called her to ask if she wanted to come but started making excuses about how busy she was with my sister in law, i went shopping with my mom and i was able to find a really nice dress although it cost me a little over what i saved up for, but it was worth it. i made some changes to it and it was perfect, it arrived to my apartment at the end of the week, i made sure it was stored in a safe place so it doesn't get ruined. yesterday, i got back from my mom's house, and found that my fiancé wasn't home neither was the dress, i called him immediately knowing that he must've taken it to show it to his mom since she continuously asked to see it and refused to have me send her pictures of it on facebook. i was so mad when it was confirmed that my fiancé took it to show it to his mom, he said he was gonna be home in 30 minutes after he went to the supermarket i waited for longer than i had to and then when he arrived i ran to get my dress that was buried underneath grocery bags, i took it to check on it and it's zipper was broken and the dress itself (fabric) was stretched out, i was like what the fuck happened to it, my mother in law must've tried it on, because it looked ruined, the straps were almost loose, i had to call my mother in law when my fiancé told me his mom and sister took turns to try it on, i was absolutely livid, she told me she did nothing wrong and that i was making a big deal out of it. she said she'd get a replacement for the broken zipper, but i told her to pay for a new dress since it was stretched out and no longer fitting, she refused and said that i probably wasn't happy with my dress choice and wanted to her to pay so i could get a new one, i yelled at her for trying it on and ruining it, that she and my fiancé were responsible for ruining my dress so they should pay for a new one, it's done, no longer fitting, the straps are in a horrible condition, my mom said she'd pay for fixing it but i just hate it now that someone else wore it before me. i'm mad at both of them and seriously considering postponing the wedding.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me 26f and my fiancé 28m been engaged for 4 months, we're planning on having our wedding on october 18th, my future mother in law kept annoying me and sending me suggestions for choosing the right wedding dress, and said that she knew better and tried to get me to approve of wedding dresses that she chose and when she couldn't enforce her decision she demanded that i take her with me to buy my wedding dress so she could have an opinion. before i went shopping i called her to ask if she wanted to come but started making excuses about how busy she was with my sister in law, i went shopping with my mom and i was able to find a really nice dress although it cost me a little over what i saved up for, but it was worth it. i made some changes to it and it was perfect, it arrived to my apartment at the end of the week, i made sure it was stored in a safe place so it doesn't get ruined. yesterday, i got back from my mom's house, and found that my fiancé wasn't home neither was the dress, i called him immediately knowing that he must've taken it to show it to his mom since she continuously asked to see it and refused to have me send her pictures of it on facebook. i was so mad when it was confirmed that my fiancé took it to show it to his mom, he said he was gonna be home in 30 minutes after he went to the supermarket i waited for longer than i had to and then when he arrived i ran to get my dress that was buried underneath grocery bags, i took it to check on it and it's zipper was broken and the dress itself (fabric) was stretched out, i was like what the fuck happened to it, my mother in law must've tried it on, because it looked ruined, the straps were almost loose, i had to call my mother in law when my fiancé told me his mom and sister took turns to try it on, i was absolutely livid, she told me she did nothing wrong and that i was making a big deal out of it. she said she'd get a replacement for the broken zipper, but i told her to pay for a new dress since it was stretched out and no longer fitting, she refused and said that i probably wasn't happy with my dress choice and wanted to her to pay so i could get a new one, i yelled at her for trying it on and ruining it, that she and my fiancé were responsible for ruining my dress so they should pay for a new one, it's done, no longer fitting, the straps are in a horrible condition, my mom said she'd pay for fixing it but i just hate it now that someone else wore it before me. i'm mad at both of them and seriously considering postponing the wedding. [/INST] nta. girl do you hear yourself?? your fiance took your wedding dress without permission and allowed multiple people to try it on! do you understand how disrespectful and innapropriate that is? you not only have a bad mother in law problem, you have a huge fiance problem. needless to say, id be doing more than postponing. </s>
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AITA For Telling My Sister She Was Dating My Bio-Father?
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so, my life's turned into a bloody soap opera recently and i could use some outside opinions here.
i (24f) am the product of my mom having an affair. fortunately my dad decided to forgive my mom and keep me, and i had a pretty good upbringing. but i don't really look a lot like the rest of my family (i'm the only redhead, among other things) and i did ask questions of a 'why am i the only one with -insert trait here-?' nature growing up. when i was 17 my mom took me out for ice cream and introduced me to my bio-father. she said that she felt i was old enough to know the truth, and explained about her affair, while also a) making me promise i wouldn't tell my older sister (27f in the present) and b) hammering home along with my bio-father that he'd never be part of my life and didn't want me.
it was a lot, i won't lie, but i learned to suck it up and move on with my life. fast forward to the present. my big sis has always gravitated towards older men (we like to joke that it's the result of too many george clooney movies growing up) and two months ago shared a picture of herself and her new boyfriend. who, to my shock, turned out to be my bio-father. i debated what to do for a couple of days, then ultimately decided she needed the truth and told her. my sister did not take it well and dumped him, but she wasn't angry with me. honestly by now she's kinda amused, says that since she banged my dad she's my mom and has extra power to boss me around now.
my mom on the other hand, is *furious*. she says i divulged something that wasn't my secret to share, and that i had no business telling anyone. that since bio-father isn't related to my sister it didn't matter if he dated my sister and it wasn't like they were talking marriage anyway. it's been two month and she's still angry, still snide, calls me a traitor and finds excuses to make loud comments about how i can't be trusted with anything private or important so beware.
at the time i thought i was doing the right thing, but i've never seen my mom this angry before, and she's sustained that anger for 2 solid months, so i'm starting to worry. did i actually do something really shitty, am i the asshole?
&#x200b;
| 22,969 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l8v24r/aita_for_telling_my_sister_she_was_dating_my/
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2021-01-30 20:35:53
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nta, she needed to know that, that's weird and a little too close to home.
also it's kind of messed up that your older sister was never told about this key part of her family history.
also if your bio-father knew who she was and her relationship to you that's really weird and creepy.
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nta.
your mom is taking her feelings about herself out on you.
>calls me a traitor
she's the one who cheated on her family
>i can't be trusted with anything private or important
...says the woman who couldn't be trusted to stay faithful to her marriage.
it's weird and messed up that your mother wasn't the *least* bit icked out that her daughter's father was hooking up with her other daughter. her feelings must be a category 4 hurricane right now.
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nta. it's about your life, you can tell anyone you want!
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nta that's creepy as hell, imagine if your sis ended up marrying or having a kid with him or something. your bio dad would be your brother in law, your niece would be your bio sister, and your older sister would be your step mom.
yeah no, she needed to know about that, and you're not an asshole for telling her as she isn't even mad. your mom on the other hand shouldn't be mad either, because does she seriously want her daughter to marry her fling???
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nta. your mom is deeply, deeply embarrassed by her infidelity. rather than be a fucking adult about it and become a better person she's put the burden of keeping her secret on your shoulders. your origin is not her secret, it's your life. next time it comes up tell her she can shut up and deal with it or you'll be perfectly happy to start telling everyone. after all, you're not the one who has anything to hide here.
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nta. this guy (your bio-dad) bangs a married woman and then bangs her daughter? your mom really does not care about her own husband does she? she really does not care that the guy who banged his wife was now banging his daughter? holy shit, your (non-bio) dad deserves an award for putting up with your mom.
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nta you did nothing wrong. you did the correct thing . you mom on the other hand is dead wrong for say you can not be trusted. she is lashing out because her secret and lies are no longer hidden. it is great you and your sister are laughing about it now.. since you 2 are the ones that should have known that info.
how does you dad feel about it ?.
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nta. few things are more your business than your family history.
1. it is entirely inappropriate for another person to say you need to keep secrets about yourself, and that's exactly what this was.
2. it is just as inappropriate for a parent to divulge infidelity to their own child and then expect them to keep the secret. that is not healthy parenting, and your mother is as big an asshole for that as for the original affair.
you are not responsible for your mother's good name, nor do you need to hide the truth of your history in order to make her more comfortable with her own poor decisions.
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nta and also weird af because she doesn't see anything wrong with the fact that she and your sister shared a dick. your mom is problematic af. i would clown her on the regular for sleeping with the same person my sister slept with.
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nta.
however, your bio-dad is majorly the asshole. he’s your dad and hooked up with your mom before...he knew what he was doing.
also, your mom and sister haven’t handled it well either. saying “i banged your dad” is an asshole move, and your mom staying angry with you for so long is one too.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, my life's turned into a bloody soap opera recently and i could use some outside opinions here. i (24f) am the product of my mom having an affair. fortunately my dad decided to forgive my mom and keep me, and i had a pretty good upbringing. but i don't really look a lot like the rest of my family (i'm the only redhead, among other things) and i did ask questions of a 'why am i the only one with -insert trait here-?' nature growing up. when i was 17 my mom took me out for ice cream and introduced me to my bio-father. she said that she felt i was old enough to know the truth, and explained about her affair, while also a) making me promise i wouldn't tell my older sister (27f in the present) and b) hammering home along with my bio-father that he'd never be part of my life and didn't want me. it was a lot, i won't lie, but i learned to suck it up and move on with my life. fast forward to the present. my big sis has always gravitated towards older men (we like to joke that it's the result of too many george clooney movies growing up) and two months ago shared a picture of herself and her new boyfriend. who, to my shock, turned out to be my bio-father. i debated what to do for a couple of days, then ultimately decided she needed the truth and told her. my sister did not take it well and dumped him, but she wasn't angry with me. honestly by now she's kinda amused, says that since she banged my dad she's my mom and has extra power to boss me around now. my mom on the other hand, is *furious*. she says i divulged something that wasn't my secret to share, and that i had no business telling anyone. that since bio-father isn't related to my sister it didn't matter if he dated my sister and it wasn't like they were talking marriage anyway. it's been two month and she's still angry, still snide, calls me a traitor and finds excuses to make loud comments about how i can't be trusted with anything private or important so beware. at the time i thought i was doing the right thing, but i've never seen my mom this angry before, and she's sustained that anger for 2 solid months, so i'm starting to worry. did i actually do something really shitty, am i the asshole? &#x200b;
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so, my life's turned into a bloody soap opera recently and i could use some outside opinions here. i (24f) am the product of my mom having an affair. fortunately my dad decided to forgive my mom and keep me, and i had a pretty good upbringing. but i don't really look a lot like the rest of my family (i'm the only redhead, among other things) and i did ask questions of a 'why am i the only one with -insert trait here-?' nature growing up. when i was 17 my mom took me out for ice cream and introduced me to my bio-father. she said that she felt i was old enough to know the truth, and explained about her affair, while also a) making me promise i wouldn't tell my older sister (27f in the present) and b) hammering home along with my bio-father that he'd never be part of my life and didn't want me. it was a lot, i won't lie, but i learned to suck it up and move on with my life. fast forward to the present. my big sis has always gravitated towards older men (we like to joke that it's the result of too many george clooney movies growing up) and two months ago shared a picture of herself and her new boyfriend. who, to my shock, turned out to be my bio-father. i debated what to do for a couple of days, then ultimately decided she needed the truth and told her. my sister did not take it well and dumped him, but she wasn't angry with me. honestly by now she's kinda amused, says that since she banged my dad she's my mom and has extra power to boss me around now. my mom on the other hand, is *furious*. she says i divulged something that wasn't my secret to share, and that i had no business telling anyone. that since bio-father isn't related to my sister it didn't matter if he dated my sister and it wasn't like they were talking marriage anyway. it's been two month and she's still angry, still snide, calls me a traitor and finds excuses to make loud comments about how i can't be trusted with anything private or important so beware. at the time i thought i was doing the right thing, but i've never seen my mom this angry before, and she's sustained that anger for 2 solid months, so i'm starting to worry. did i actually do something really shitty, am i the asshole? &#x200b; [/INST] nta, she needed to know that, that's weird and a little too close to home. also it's kind of messed up that your older sister was never told about this key part of her family history. also if your bio-father knew who she was and her relationship to you that's really weird and creepy. </s>
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AITA for telling my daughter [26F] that I [55M] will not walk down the aisle with her stepdad [50M].
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my wife and i divorced when my daughter was 6 years old, and my wife had custody of my daughter for the most part since i was too busy working 50 hours a week, she quickly moved on to be with another man 7 years younger than her. i knew from many stories i've heard that my daughter would probably end up being closer to him than me, since not only was our time together very limited but he was a stay at home dad, which means they had plenty of time to bond together which makes me feel sick to this day. this may sound immature but i made her promise to never ever call her stepdad(dad), that i was her only father and to not betray me. but i have no control over what she or they do in their home. fast forward to now my prediction came through and she's obviously closer to her step dad than me. she has gotten engaged about a year ago and now that the wedding is approaching near(1 month or so) she's now out of the blue told me that she wants both me and her stepdad to walk her down the aisle after promising me i would be the one to do it. even though i know they're very close, i don't believe he has any right to walk my blood daugther down the aisle. i am her only father, it isn't fair that he got to be with my daugther more than me, her bio dad, and now he wants to take this moment from me too. i got a bit angry and told her i absolutely will not share an honor that is meant for me the actual father of the bride with some guy i barely know. she told me he's done a lot for her growing up and that i'm being petty over something that happened years ago. i told her i wasn't going to argue about it and if she wants her stepdad to walk her she can, but i won't be there to see it.
i was told by a friend of mine who uses this site quite often that many people have gone through something similar to this with their kids or parents, so i wanted to see other people's perspective, on if it's wrong for me to want to be the only one to walk my only daughter down the aisle.
| 24,502 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d4x0zs/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_26f_that_i_55m_will/
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2019-09-16 06:52:24
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yta - it's her day and you're already ruining shit.
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yta
so you can't be an adult and put aside your feelings for one day for your daughter? why are you making her choose? what's so horrible about her wanting both of her father figures to walk her down the aisle? her mom remarrying a younger guy literally has nothing to do with the story. you sound jealous and bitter.
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yta.
my own dad did this selfish shit to me and our relationship has never been the same. you made your daughter promise to be loyal to you? what kind of sick shit is that to put on your child? since becoming a parent myself, and a divorced one at that who has secondary custody, i love anyone who loves my child. how blessed your daughter would have been to have two amazing fathers by her side — but you’re too fucking wrapped in your own goddamn ego for her to have that.
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yta, and you've clearly been one all her life.
* you made a 6 year old child promise something that you've been manipulating her with and "reminding" her about through her life
* you've clearly been bitter about your ex daring to move on and get remarried, because you "knew" they would be closer since they spent more time together. that isn't the case - you can be close to a person without spending every waking moment with them. where it becomes difficult is when they are bitter and insist of bad-mouthing the other people in your life - children are smart. she knew exactly what you were doing, and as she grew older and realised just how bitter you were, her emotions understandably caught up to your manipulation.
* you're making the one day in her life that is undoubtedly about her, about you. you're forcing her to choose, so i hope you aren't surprised when she chooses the person who brought her up with love, instead of bitterness.
having both "fathers" walking a bride down the aisle can be the most heartwarming moment ever: https://www.today.com/parents/dad-surprises-stepdad-daughters-wedding-both-walking-bride-down-aisle-t46981
but based on the person you've been since you and your ex split? i hope your daughter not only chooses the man that raised her well, but also chooses to given him the title he deserves far more than you - that of dad.
biology doesn't a father make, and your post proves that beyond a doubt. yta.
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am i the only one who is seething in anger because of this guy? the audacity that he even asked this question. i feel so bad for his daughter for having such a shitty, petty excuse for a father.
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yta - stop being so petty. your daughter was fortunate enough to have a step father that was active in her life. he is an addition not a replacement. she wants to acknowledge both of you. if you want to stomp your feet and have a temper tantrum you will more than likely be given a seat to watch her walk down the aisle with him. if you want to be a part of her life, your actions should reflect that. grow up.
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yta.
the only person to blame for you not spending more time with your daughter is you. you chose work over your daughter.
it's not surprising she has grown to love someone that has pretty much helped to raise her and has been there for her, and it's unfair of you to expect to be her number 1, when you didn't make her your number 1.
she wants you at her wedding. it's her day. nothing to do with you. she wants both her fathers there to walk her down the aisle. suck it up, show your daughter that what she wants means more for that one day than what you want, and be happy for her.
if you don't go, i imagine it will possibly put a wedge in your relationship that may not be able to be fixed.
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yta. it really takes a village to raise a child and this man treated your daughter as his own and helped foster a healthy home environment for her. holy familial alienation on your behalf. you’re literally choosing yourself over your child being healthy and happy. what you went through sucks, but this is her day and you’re kind of ruining it. she shouldn’t have to stress about appeasing your jealousy on her wedding day. the fact that she wants to give everyone who was there in supporting her growth a place in her wedding really says that she’s grown to be a wonderful woman. choose to see that. choose to be grateful that she has a family filled with people who have supported her development. i had 0 dads because every man who ever walked into my life either left me or harmed me or both. i would have given so much to have multiple sources of love in my life.
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yta at the end of the day it’s her choice. be happy that she hasn’t chosen him over you.
family is who is there for you, not blood.
man up, shoulder your pride and do it for her because this other dude obviously means a lot to her and digging in your heels will drive a wedge in your relationship.
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yta
walking your daughter down the aisle is a **privilege** not a **right**
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i divorced when my daughter was 6 years old, and my wife had custody of my daughter for the most part since i was too busy working 50 hours a week, she quickly moved on to be with another man 7 years younger than her. i knew from many stories i've heard that my daughter would probably end up being closer to him than me, since not only was our time together very limited but he was a stay at home dad, which means they had plenty of time to bond together which makes me feel sick to this day. this may sound immature but i made her promise to never ever call her stepdad(dad), that i was her only father and to not betray me. but i have no control over what she or they do in their home. fast forward to now my prediction came through and she's obviously closer to her step dad than me. she has gotten engaged about a year ago and now that the wedding is approaching near(1 month or so) she's now out of the blue told me that she wants both me and her stepdad to walk her down the aisle after promising me i would be the one to do it. even though i know they're very close, i don't believe he has any right to walk my blood daugther down the aisle. i am her only father, it isn't fair that he got to be with my daugther more than me, her bio dad, and now he wants to take this moment from me too. i got a bit angry and told her i absolutely will not share an honor that is meant for me the actual father of the bride with some guy i barely know. she told me he's done a lot for her growing up and that i'm being petty over something that happened years ago. i told her i wasn't going to argue about it and if she wants her stepdad to walk her she can, but i won't be there to see it. i was told by a friend of mine who uses this site quite often that many people have gone through something similar to this with their kids or parents, so i wanted to see other people's perspective, on if it's wrong for me to want to be the only one to walk my only daughter down the aisle.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i divorced when my daughter was 6 years old, and my wife had custody of my daughter for the most part since i was too busy working 50 hours a week, she quickly moved on to be with another man 7 years younger than her. i knew from many stories i've heard that my daughter would probably end up being closer to him than me, since not only was our time together very limited but he was a stay at home dad, which means they had plenty of time to bond together which makes me feel sick to this day. this may sound immature but i made her promise to never ever call her stepdad(dad), that i was her only father and to not betray me. but i have no control over what she or they do in their home. fast forward to now my prediction came through and she's obviously closer to her step dad than me. she has gotten engaged about a year ago and now that the wedding is approaching near(1 month or so) she's now out of the blue told me that she wants both me and her stepdad to walk her down the aisle after promising me i would be the one to do it. even though i know they're very close, i don't believe he has any right to walk my blood daugther down the aisle. i am her only father, it isn't fair that he got to be with my daugther more than me, her bio dad, and now he wants to take this moment from me too. i got a bit angry and told her i absolutely will not share an honor that is meant for me the actual father of the bride with some guy i barely know. she told me he's done a lot for her growing up and that i'm being petty over something that happened years ago. i told her i wasn't going to argue about it and if she wants her stepdad to walk her she can, but i won't be there to see it. i was told by a friend of mine who uses this site quite often that many people have gone through something similar to this with their kids or parents, so i wanted to see other people's perspective, on if it's wrong for me to want to be the only one to walk my only daughter down the aisle. [/INST] yta - it's her day and you're already ruining shit. </s>
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AITA for telling my stepdaughter to stop using period products in the bathroom she shares with my teenage sons?
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i have been living with my new wife and stepdaughter for about 6 months now. she’s 19, almost 20, and i have three sons aged 18, 16 and 15. she’s a really good kid and she’s a good influence on my sons, i really enjoy having her around. my wife and her daughter moved into my house and sold theirs. my stepdaughters father isn’t present in her life, nor is my sons’ mother. all four children share a bathroom.
my sons have never lived for a long period of time with a woman, nor have any of them had long term girlfriends. they had short visitation periods when they were younger but never longer than an hour, so living with two women has been unusual for them.
my eldest son, 18, came to me last week and told me that his stepsister disposes of her used sanitary products in the trash can they share, but doesn’t use toilet roll or sandwich bags to disguise what they are, and it makes him uncomfortable which i think is reasonable. my sons are teenage boys and don’t want to see their stepsisters period products on full display.
a few nights ago i went into the kitchen to grab a snack and she was there doing some work for university. my wife had mentioned that she knew she was on her period so i took it as an opportunity to have a word with her. i told her my sons were uncomfortable and asked her if she’d mind putting her used products in diaper bags or flushing them down the toilet.
she laughed and told me it was rich coming from a man who “sheds like a gorilla” and has produced “three skid marking sons” which i thought was just an unnecessary attack. i’ve been nothing but nice to the girl and it’s hardly a comparison. my sons shouldn’t be subjected to her unhygienic products if it makes them uncomfortable. she went on to lecture me about how tampons can’t be flushed and that it’s bad for the environment if she uses diaper bags for every one which i think is just an excuse. i called her a scruff and told her that this was my house and that what i say goes.
i later asked my wife if she could have a word with her and she told me i was being ridiculous and that her daughter has had her period for ten years and knows what she’s doing. when i told her it was making my sons uncomfortable she said my sons needed to get a grip and turned over and went to sleep.
this is a genuine issue to me and she didn’t care enough to have a discussion about it. i asked my stepdaughter again in the morning and she did the same as her mother, completely dismissed it. both of them have told me to stop being so silly but i don’t see how i’m being unreasonable when it makes my sons uncomfortable. aita?
update — not even two hours after i posted this, my wife and stepdaughter gathered my sons and i and gave us a full intensive “periods for pricks” course, powerpoint and all. it was a hoot, they made an interactive quiz and everything. my sons and i learned a lot and apologised to my stepdaughter. thankyou for your input
| 37,664 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h0a45w/aita_for_telling_my_stepdaughter_to_stop_using/
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2020-06-10 12:42:51
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yta. sorry but what? i'm a guy and realize this is ridiculous. you need to help yourself and your son's become better men and accept that it's a natural process.
are you uncomfortable with your wife's use of the same? i assume not so teach your sons to be better.
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yta. how about you have a talk with your sons about periods instead of trying to shame a woman for bleeding.
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yta, dude.
instead of saying that a woman can't help having a period and they should be more understanding of her throwing away sanitary products in a place she's lived in without you for years, you doubled down on the sexism.
how dare you talk to a grown woman like that?
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yta. she threw them in the garbage where they belong. what do you think is going to happen if your sons marry a woman? are they going to ask their wives to hide something they cannot control? for fucks sake.
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yta, why don’t you build a menstrual hut in the backyard?
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yta. firstly you cannot flush a tampon. you will clog the toilet and hello plumber bills. secondly as long as she wraps it in toilet paper said "skidmarking sons" can suck it up.
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yta
your sons are way too old to be such sensitive little babies about a natural part of life. you shouldn’t he encouraging their idiocy. even if they are all gay and will never date a woman they should still understand this as part of life.
it’s her bathroom too. tampons are ready to be thrown out on their own. they don’t need to be covered and it’s worse for the environment to do so.
how is this even a debate? tell your kids to grow the fuck up and stop making their step-sister feel weird about a natural part of life.
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yta no, it is not reasonable to be disturbed by period products that are in a *trash can*. it's not like she's finger painting on the wall with her period blood. she's just disposing of her menstrual products. your sons need to grow up.
i understand their discomfort because they're young and not used to living with women. but what on earth is your excuse? and why would you want to encourage your sons to remain immature and childish about this?
you're also incredibly ignorant for suggesting that she should flush them. menstrual products are *never* supposed to be flushed.
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yta. geeze.
assuming they're straight, your sons will theoretically live with a woman in the future. they need to get over that now.
and she's right. you're not supposed to flush products. but this is something women have to deal with, so you can all get over it.
i could see perhaps asking her to wrap them in toilet paper first, if she's just tossing them unwrapped. or if she's using pads, to wrap them in the wrapper of the new one. or.... get a trash can with a lid. that would be the least wasteful option. but that's not what you asked. you wanted her to use diaper bags or flush them.
also, your "my house, my rules" attitude is pretty much the opposite of welcoming to your wife and stepdaughter. it makes it clear you don't consider them a part of your family, really.
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>i later asked my wife if she could have a word with her and she told me i was being ridiculous and that her daughter has had her period for ten years and knows what she’s doing.
it is almost like your wife has some experience with this scenario. maybe she would know better than you whether you can flush a tampon, for instance...
>when i told her it was making my sons uncomfortable she said my sons needed to get a grip and turned over and went to sleep.
yeah, your sons need to get a grip. so do you.
it's blood. you can throw it in the trash. and as long as she does that, anyone calling her out on how her menstrual cycle is particularly iffy or gross or has cooties, or whatever, is the asshole.
yta
edit to add why this is not everybody sucks-territory:
>she laughed and told me it was rich coming from a man who “sheds like a gorilla” and has produced “three skid marking sons” which i thought was just an unnecessary attack. i’ve been nothing but nice to the girl and it’s hardly a comparison.
she did lash out. after she had just been told that her menstrual blood was somehow tainted and particularly vile, compared to other body functions. (and lets not go into how insanely old and misogynistic that idea is). if op thinks comparing blood smears to shit smears is being too harsh on the shit, then he has a serious problem was some internalized... wel, shit.
this is a grown woman being told that her menstrual cycle is something to be ashamed of, by a man who knows nothing about it and obviously has some serisouly shitty preconceptions about blood that comes from... gasp, a vagina! laughing in his face is the correct response.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have been living with my new wife and stepdaughter for about 6 months now. she’s 19, almost 20, and i have three sons aged 18, 16 and 15. she’s a really good kid and she’s a good influence on my sons, i really enjoy having her around. my wife and her daughter moved into my house and sold theirs. my stepdaughters father isn’t present in her life, nor is my sons’ mother. all four children share a bathroom. my sons have never lived for a long period of time with a woman, nor have any of them had long term girlfriends. they had short visitation periods when they were younger but never longer than an hour, so living with two women has been unusual for them. my eldest son, 18, came to me last week and told me that his stepsister disposes of her used sanitary products in the trash can they share, but doesn’t use toilet roll or sandwich bags to disguise what they are, and it makes him uncomfortable which i think is reasonable. my sons are teenage boys and don’t want to see their stepsisters period products on full display. a few nights ago i went into the kitchen to grab a snack and she was there doing some work for university. my wife had mentioned that she knew she was on her period so i took it as an opportunity to have a word with her. i told her my sons were uncomfortable and asked her if she’d mind putting her used products in diaper bags or flushing them down the toilet. she laughed and told me it was rich coming from a man who “sheds like a gorilla” and has produced “three skid marking sons” which i thought was just an unnecessary attack. i’ve been nothing but nice to the girl and it’s hardly a comparison. my sons shouldn’t be subjected to her unhygienic products if it makes them uncomfortable. she went on to lecture me about how tampons can’t be flushed and that it’s bad for the environment if she uses diaper bags for every one which i think is just an excuse. i called her a scruff and told her that this was my house and that what i say goes. i later asked my wife if she could have a word with her and she told me i was being ridiculous and that her daughter has had her period for ten years and knows what she’s doing. when i told her it was making my sons uncomfortable she said my sons needed to get a grip and turned over and went to sleep. this is a genuine issue to me and she didn’t care enough to have a discussion about it. i asked my stepdaughter again in the morning and she did the same as her mother, completely dismissed it. both of them have told me to stop being so silly but i don’t see how i’m being unreasonable when it makes my sons uncomfortable. aita? update — not even two hours after i posted this, my wife and stepdaughter gathered my sons and i and gave us a full intensive “periods for pricks” course, powerpoint and all. it was a hoot, they made an interactive quiz and everything. my sons and i learned a lot and apologised to my stepdaughter. thankyou for your input
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have been living with my new wife and stepdaughter for about 6 months now. she’s 19, almost 20, and i have three sons aged 18, 16 and 15. she’s a really good kid and she’s a good influence on my sons, i really enjoy having her around. my wife and her daughter moved into my house and sold theirs. my stepdaughters father isn’t present in her life, nor is my sons’ mother. all four children share a bathroom. my sons have never lived for a long period of time with a woman, nor have any of them had long term girlfriends. they had short visitation periods when they were younger but never longer than an hour, so living with two women has been unusual for them. my eldest son, 18, came to me last week and told me that his stepsister disposes of her used sanitary products in the trash can they share, but doesn’t use toilet roll or sandwich bags to disguise what they are, and it makes him uncomfortable which i think is reasonable. my sons are teenage boys and don’t want to see their stepsisters period products on full display. a few nights ago i went into the kitchen to grab a snack and she was there doing some work for university. my wife had mentioned that she knew she was on her period so i took it as an opportunity to have a word with her. i told her my sons were uncomfortable and asked her if she’d mind putting her used products in diaper bags or flushing them down the toilet. she laughed and told me it was rich coming from a man who “sheds like a gorilla” and has produced “three skid marking sons” which i thought was just an unnecessary attack. i’ve been nothing but nice to the girl and it’s hardly a comparison. my sons shouldn’t be subjected to her unhygienic products if it makes them uncomfortable. she went on to lecture me about how tampons can’t be flushed and that it’s bad for the environment if she uses diaper bags for every one which i think is just an excuse. i called her a scruff and told her that this was my house and that what i say goes. i later asked my wife if she could have a word with her and she told me i was being ridiculous and that her daughter has had her period for ten years and knows what she’s doing. when i told her it was making my sons uncomfortable she said my sons needed to get a grip and turned over and went to sleep. this is a genuine issue to me and she didn’t care enough to have a discussion about it. i asked my stepdaughter again in the morning and she did the same as her mother, completely dismissed it. both of them have told me to stop being so silly but i don’t see how i’m being unreasonable when it makes my sons uncomfortable. aita? update — not even two hours after i posted this, my wife and stepdaughter gathered my sons and i and gave us a full intensive “periods for pricks” course, powerpoint and all. it was a hoot, they made an interactive quiz and everything. my sons and i learned a lot and apologised to my stepdaughter. thankyou for your input [/INST] yta. sorry but what? i'm a guy and realize this is ridiculous. you need to help yourself and your son's become better men and accept that it's a natural process. are you uncomfortable with your wife's use of the same? i assume not so teach your sons to be better. </s>
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AITA for laughing in my husbands face??
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so i f(32) have been married to my husband m(34) for 6 years. before we got married he had me sign a prenup stating that our financials would always be separate and the only thing we would share was an expense account to pay for household related fees. the reason for this was because he was making pretty good money and i was in graduate school so my financial situation was pretty bad but i signed nonetheless because i understood he wanted to protect himself. anyway fast forward to now, i’ve been out of school for about 4 years and i make more than 3 times as much as he does. (i never asked how much he makes and he’s never asked me either).
anyway 2 weeks ago i told him that i was thinking about buying a new car as one i had, was really old since i had had it since my undergraduate days. he wasn’t really interested and just told me to get whatever i liked. so a week ago i decided to make the plunge and get an audi, i was pretty excited as i had always wanted one….(at the time my husband was on a business trip, he got back yesterday) and i showed him my car…he was really happy for me, however later he asked me what my monthly payments were as the audi was pretty new…at this point i told him that i had made the purchase in cash and that i had no monthly payments. he was taken back and asked with what money and i answered that i made more than enough money to be able to afford it. he didn’t talk after that and i thought that was that………however after a few hours he came back to me and told that he thinks we should void the prenup……this is where i might be the asshole i laughed in his face and asked him why i would agree to that and his answer was that we’re married and should share our financials. so i told him that we’ve been married for 6 years and yet we’ve never shared financials and i was fine with what we were doing, and his sudden change of heart was very suspicious. he called me a bunch of names and stormed out and didn’t come home and and i guess he told his family about our fight and they called to berate me and say how he supported me while i was in school (he didn’t) and now am wondering if i was the asshole??
| 19,442 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rze4vu/aita_for_laughing_in_my_husbands_face/
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2022-01-09 00:06:47
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nta
not gonna lie, you two don’t sound like partners. you sound like you’re against each other in life. take this change of heart as the red flag that it is and consider how you want to proceed.
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so he wanted the prenup initially to protect his money because you didn’t have much, and now you have more money he wants to void the prenup so he can have more of your money?
hmm.
no wonder you laughed in his face.
nta.
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nta. i would have laughed too. but i find it very strange you both have no knowledge of the others finances.
he wanted the prenup and he got it. don’t back down.
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nta. interesting how things change once he figures out that you made more money than him. i think your hubby just met karma. serves him right. don’t let anyone guilt you. i would suggest some marriage counseling because i’m not sure your marriage can survive his ego.
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nta. i would have laughed too. now that it is no longer to his benefit, of course, he wants to void the prenup.
haven't you figured out that what is his is his and he considers what is yours is his?
as long as his financials were protected, the prenup was fine. now that he sees you as a cash cow, he wants to void the prenup. you have every right to be suspicious because....reread what i wrote.
btw, it is none of his family's business. it always astounds me how the family gets involved when it is not their fight! and obviously, they don't have the full story (he did not support you while you were in school).
it was nice while it lasted but, now that you are making so much more money, this marriage is over.
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nta. prenup is prenup. no point in changing the rules after the fact, especially if the rules might change to your detriment.
of course you can redo the prenup. if *both of you* bring all assets to the table, and negotiate a deal fair to both parties. but i suspect that wouldn't be the case...
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there has to be more to this story. after 6 years of marriage neither of you has any idea of the others financial situation? both seem very well off so maybe money is never a concern but what happens if you or he lost your jobs and couldn’t afford the lifestyle you’ve grown accustomed to? sounds like a business relationship more than a marriage.
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100% nta. now that he knows you make enough money to pay cash for an audi, he wants in on that action. no. don't do it. and don't let his family do it. he was perfectly happy with the financial situation prior to this. suddenly he's not, and he's calling you names, walking out on you, and getting his family involved? all because he found out you can buy a car with cash?
nope. what happened to his love? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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nta - sounds like an ex of mine that wanted to split expenses proportionately (since i made rather more than he did) which was fine for many months… right up until i was laid off and we hit a month where he had to pay more and then he wanted to go 50-50.
sorry your husband’s greed is showing (not that the terms of that prenup didn’t make his selfish approach to your marriage rather clear.)
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nta - he thought he was being slick with the prenup. and he thought all this time that he was making more than you. now you’ve burst his bubble. he’s ta here not you. but now watch him try to penny pinch everything you do together. if you want to go out, you’re paying. if you buy a new oven, he’ll want more than half because “he doesn’t cook” or if you go on a trip, he’ll keep score of everything he paid for and ask you to venmo him. i dont know how you’re married to someone like this, but tell him what you make is none of his business. you contribute your half just as you always have. you’re not an asshole for making good money and for not sharing it. if it was the other way around, he made you sign a legal document that he wouldn’t share it with you. don’t let his shitty financial situation fuck you both up. even if he’s fine with money, he will think this means he has more money. and he doesn’t. you do.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i f(32) have been married to my husband m(34) for 6 years. before we got married he had me sign a prenup stating that our financials would always be separate and the only thing we would share was an expense account to pay for household related fees. the reason for this was because he was making pretty good money and i was in graduate school so my financial situation was pretty bad but i signed nonetheless because i understood he wanted to protect himself. anyway fast forward to now, i’ve been out of school for about 4 years and i make more than 3 times as much as he does. (i never asked how much he makes and he’s never asked me either). anyway 2 weeks ago i told him that i was thinking about buying a new car as one i had, was really old since i had had it since my undergraduate days. he wasn’t really interested and just told me to get whatever i liked. so a week ago i decided to make the plunge and get an audi, i was pretty excited as i had always wanted one….(at the time my husband was on a business trip, he got back yesterday) and i showed him my car…he was really happy for me, however later he asked me what my monthly payments were as the audi was pretty new…at this point i told him that i had made the purchase in cash and that i had no monthly payments. he was taken back and asked with what money and i answered that i made more than enough money to be able to afford it. he didn’t talk after that and i thought that was that………however after a few hours he came back to me and told that he thinks we should void the prenup……this is where i might be the asshole i laughed in his face and asked him why i would agree to that and his answer was that we’re married and should share our financials. so i told him that we’ve been married for 6 years and yet we’ve never shared financials and i was fine with what we were doing, and his sudden change of heart was very suspicious. he called me a bunch of names and stormed out and didn’t come home and and i guess he told his family about our fight and they called to berate me and say how he supported me while i was in school (he didn’t) and now am wondering if i was the asshole??
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i f(32) have been married to my husband m(34) for 6 years. before we got married he had me sign a prenup stating that our financials would always be separate and the only thing we would share was an expense account to pay for household related fees. the reason for this was because he was making pretty good money and i was in graduate school so my financial situation was pretty bad but i signed nonetheless because i understood he wanted to protect himself. anyway fast forward to now, i’ve been out of school for about 4 years and i make more than 3 times as much as he does. (i never asked how much he makes and he’s never asked me either). anyway 2 weeks ago i told him that i was thinking about buying a new car as one i had, was really old since i had had it since my undergraduate days. he wasn’t really interested and just told me to get whatever i liked. so a week ago i decided to make the plunge and get an audi, i was pretty excited as i had always wanted one….(at the time my husband was on a business trip, he got back yesterday) and i showed him my car…he was really happy for me, however later he asked me what my monthly payments were as the audi was pretty new…at this point i told him that i had made the purchase in cash and that i had no monthly payments. he was taken back and asked with what money and i answered that i made more than enough money to be able to afford it. he didn’t talk after that and i thought that was that………however after a few hours he came back to me and told that he thinks we should void the prenup……this is where i might be the asshole i laughed in his face and asked him why i would agree to that and his answer was that we’re married and should share our financials. so i told him that we’ve been married for 6 years and yet we’ve never shared financials and i was fine with what we were doing, and his sudden change of heart was very suspicious. he called me a bunch of names and stormed out and didn’t come home and and i guess he told his family about our fight and they called to berate me and say how he supported me while i was in school (he didn’t) and now am wondering if i was the asshole?? [/INST] nta not gonna lie, you two don’t sound like partners. you sound like you’re against each other in life. take this change of heart as the red flag that it is and consider how you want to proceed. </s>
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AITA for telling my sister to stop leaving her room when she's wearing her nightgown?
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my 26, female, sister moved in with me 29, female, and my husband 32, male, days ago after her divorce was finalized then lost her job and was no longer being able to pay rent for her apartment.
we're mostly in agreement about everything except, i've been kind of having an issue with what she wears especially at nighttime when she unwind and tend to relax a bit as she says. i think that what she wears is inappropriate. she usually wear silky nightwear (nightgowns mostly). she says that's just "her style" and is what she's been wearing for years. not just that, but she'd come out of her room dressing like that to grab water or use the bathroom. while yes, it was just me who saw her dressed like that i honestly could not risk having an argument with my husband over it. i suggested she buys some pjs but she said that she doesn't "feel comfortable" in them.
last night, i saw her in the kitchen grabbing something from the fridge and was dressed in a purple, strapped, knee length nightgown. i tried to speak to her about it but it didn't go well. we started arguing and i ended up telling her to stop leaving her room when she's wearing stuff like that and she argued that there was nothing wrong with what she was wearing, that it wasn't like she was walking around naked or anything of the sort. i told her it's my home and she's a guest and should just respect my request but she responded saying that just because she lives in my house does not mean that i have the right to control what she wears then stormed off to her room.
we haven't talked since then and she is refusing to talk about it.
| 12,074 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z5e5qv/aita_for_telling_my_sister_to_stop_leaving_her/
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2022-11-26 18:21:55
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yta. she’s wearing a **knee-length** night gown. what next? she can’t show her shoulders? a little bit of cleavage? her ankles?
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yta. don't take whatever issues you're having with your husband out on your sister.
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info: what do you mean you couldn’t risk having an argument with your husband over it?
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purple, strapped, and knee length? what is wrong with that?! are you a nun?
is it sheer/see through? can you see her tits and her ass? no?
yta.
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info:
what do you mean by:
>i honestly could not risk having an argument with my husband over it.
why does anyone need to argue about this at all?
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**nta**, while it can certainly be argued that you are being overly sensitive, that is subjective and hard to measure. what is easy to measure and clear is that you’re doing her a favor by giving her somewhere to stay when she needs it, and i do not think it is unreasonable that you ask her to respect this simple request for how to behave in your home. whether one thinks the request is a bit silly or not doesn’t change that it is a simple request, and you are doing her a good favor in turn.
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i’m actually shocked by all the y t as here. is this what you people do when you’re a guest in someone else’s house who is helping you? you just tell them to shut up and deal? gtf outta my house, all of you! it doesn’t matter why she’s asking.
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tell me you’re incredibly self conscious and distrusting in your marriage with out telling me you’re incredibly self conscious and distrusting in your marriage. yta.
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info: it seems like a piece of this is missing. do you mean "wears silky nightwear with clearly nothing else underneath?" or does your husband have some sort of weakness for silk? and why haven't you just asked her to put on a robe rather than change her lifelong style of dress?
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nta
silky to me implies thin and clingy. noone needs to see all that. get a robe.
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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INFO
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NTA
| null |
YTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.475284 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my 26, female, sister moved in with me 29, female, and my husband 32, male, days ago after her divorce was finalized then lost her job and was no longer being able to pay rent for her apartment. we're mostly in agreement about everything except, i've been kind of having an issue with what she wears especially at nighttime when she unwind and tend to relax a bit as she says. i think that what she wears is inappropriate. she usually wear silky nightwear (nightgowns mostly). she says that's just "her style" and is what she's been wearing for years. not just that, but she'd come out of her room dressing like that to grab water or use the bathroom. while yes, it was just me who saw her dressed like that i honestly could not risk having an argument with my husband over it. i suggested she buys some pjs but she said that she doesn't "feel comfortable" in them. last night, i saw her in the kitchen grabbing something from the fridge and was dressed in a purple, strapped, knee length nightgown. i tried to speak to her about it but it didn't go well. we started arguing and i ended up telling her to stop leaving her room when she's wearing stuff like that and she argued that there was nothing wrong with what she was wearing, that it wasn't like she was walking around naked or anything of the sort. i told her it's my home and she's a guest and should just respect my request but she responded saying that just because she lives in my house does not mean that i have the right to control what she wears then stormed off to her room. we haven't talked since then and she is refusing to talk about it.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my 26, female, sister moved in with me 29, female, and my husband 32, male, days ago after her divorce was finalized then lost her job and was no longer being able to pay rent for her apartment. we're mostly in agreement about everything except, i've been kind of having an issue with what she wears especially at nighttime when she unwind and tend to relax a bit as she says. i think that what she wears is inappropriate. she usually wear silky nightwear (nightgowns mostly). she says that's just "her style" and is what she's been wearing for years. not just that, but she'd come out of her room dressing like that to grab water or use the bathroom. while yes, it was just me who saw her dressed like that i honestly could not risk having an argument with my husband over it. i suggested she buys some pjs but she said that she doesn't "feel comfortable" in them. last night, i saw her in the kitchen grabbing something from the fridge and was dressed in a purple, strapped, knee length nightgown. i tried to speak to her about it but it didn't go well. we started arguing and i ended up telling her to stop leaving her room when she's wearing stuff like that and she argued that there was nothing wrong with what she was wearing, that it wasn't like she was walking around naked or anything of the sort. i told her it's my home and she's a guest and should just respect my request but she responded saying that just because she lives in my house does not mean that i have the right to control what she wears then stormed off to her room. we haven't talked since then and she is refusing to talk about it. [/INST] yta. she’s wearing a **knee-length** night gown. what next? she can’t show her shoulders? a little bit of cleavage? her ankles? </s>
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AITA for telling daughter I'm disappointed in her and won't take her out to a second restaurant?
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my daughters 14&16 are on the same dance team. their team won a competition on sunday, and we were all so excited and proud of them. after the competition, my dad suggested we go out to eat and said he would pay for wherever we wanted.
older daughter, who loves seafood, has been asking for years to go to a restaurant that has unlimited crab legs, but it's a very pricy restaurant, so we've never been able to. she immediately suggested this restaurant. my dad liked the suggestion. my younger daughter suggested we go to her favorite restaurant, a local mexican restaurant, instead. we've been there many times, as it's much more affordable. knowing this would be a wasted opportunity, i said older daughter's suggestion made more sense because it was somewhere we'd never been.
younger daughter complained she wouldn't like anything there, but i assured her the menu would have more than crab legs. we got there, and sure enough, there were many dishes that didn't have seafood, including steak, youngest's favorite. even though there were dishes without seafood, youngest daughter said she wasn't hungry because the restaurant "smelled weird." i ordered her steak anyway.
younger daughter pouted throughout the meal. she picked at her steak. older daughter was very happy, and completely absorbed in the crab legs. my mom tried to talk to my younger daughter about the competition, but she wasn't responsive. at the end of the meal, we were all stuffed except for youngest. my dad told everyone to pick a dessert to go, except for youngest because "she's clearly not hungry."
i asked my dad to leave her alone, and he did, but she was already upset. when we got home, i tried to talk to her. i explained that this was a rare opportunity and sometimes we need to let someone else have something nice. i told her i could have taken us to the mexican restaurant this weekend. she said it's not the same, because the restaurant we go to the night of the competition is special, and we went somewhere she didn't like. i pointed out that she didn't know she didn't like it because she didn't try it. she said i know she hates seafood and that the restaurant is known for its seafood, so of course she wouldn't want to go there after a special event.
she was annoyed all monday and tuesday but started to mellow on wednesday. this morning she asked if we are going to the mexican restaurant tomorrow. i said not this week because of her behavior, but we'll see next week. she wasn't happy. am i being too hard on her? i think she was very rude to her grandparents, but i know when you're a teenager everything feels like a bigger deal than it is. should i have just let her behavior slide and taken her to the mexican restaurant?
| 18,412 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wrjbpi/aita_for_telling_daughter_im_disappointed_in_her/
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2022-08-18 13:15:24
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nta
you’re teaching her a valuable lesson here. too many people seem to have the mentality of “when i am done being angry and move on, you all have to as well.” as though her mood improving absolves her of any accountability for her actions while being pissy. (a classic tactic in my house growing up)
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nta.
being part of a family means sometimes (lots of times!) doing something because it's what's someone else really wants to do/try. and, as i seem to learn the hard way all too often, rewarding sulky/petulant behavior for the short term victory always comes back to bite you as a parent.
i'd hold firm on no consolation trip to the mexican restaurant really that now too.
now, they're both on the dance team, and younger daughter should get to feel like she's being celebrated too, so maybe next time there's a family treat it's her choice, since older daughter made the pick this time.
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nta and can y'all take me to dinner with you next time? that sounds amazing. steak or crab legs are both amazing. your youngest pitched a fit like she was 5. every point you made was right. take the rarer opportunities. it isn't favoritism, and you offered to go to the mexican restaurant later.
hell, i would be happy if we went to mcdonald's. just mention food is involved anywhere, and i'm baited.
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nta.. i think you handled it perfectly and you're right; not everything is about her. she's focusing on it being a sea food restaurant when they had more than just sea food. she's clearly angry she just didn't get her way. i think you're good.
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nta. you are teaching her that not everything is about her and that it is not acceptable to be rude/throw a fit when she doesn't get her way.
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they both won the competition. they both were meant to be rewarded. only one’s feeling were considered for the reward.
you told your youngest you wanted to celebrate her and to pick a restaurant, then ignored her wants completely because you saw a chance to go somewhere you and your oldest wanted to try.
your youngest then told you she wasn’t hungry because of the smell. you took it upon yourself to order her steak, a heavy and expensive meal. you should have let her order what she wanted, even if that was nothing.
do i think she could have handled it better? of course. but she’s fourteen. you’re the adult.
the answer here was to pick a new restaurant they both would enjoy trying and to let your father know your oldest would love to try the seafood place when it’s her birthday or her own celebration.
everyone, including you, seems to think your youngest was acting like a brat. but she was told this was for her and therefore shared her wants at every step. she then had her wants ignored and was punished for not acting grateful enough for being given things she didn’t want.
this is yta for me.
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info: how is your (or grandpa's) relationship with each of your daughters and between the girls?
a 14 year old who is agry for 2 days over a restaurant choice is either exhibiting some pretty bratty behaviour, or a consequence of a bigger issue of her always feeling perhaps less than or undervalued compared to her sister.
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the smell of seafood, particularly when it's predominant, has always made me feel like i'm going to hurl. luke actual bile in my mouth, not metaphorical in the least.
at 14, i definitely would have felt, in your daughter's shoes, like i was being punished for my accomplishments if i had to "celebrate" in a seafood restaurant, regardless of what was on my plate. the shitty comment from her grandpa about desert probably didn't help.
and instead of talking to her and trying to understand, you want her to see how fair it is that everyone else had a good time but her.
i know i'm going against the grain and i'm gonna get down voted because it's popular to call kids "entitled brats" here, but yta.
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esh. i don't think it was particularly well done to choose a place only one kid liked when *both of them* won the same competition & shared the achievement that earned eating out. it probably contributed hugely to 14's attitude, since her wishes were entirely ignored & no compromise was offered, just 16 gets what she wants. were there really no other places both of them could have cheerfully agreed to go?
however: the decision was made, there were other things besides seafood that 14 could eat, & she acted like a brat the whole time you were there. 14 is old enough to keep her disappointment at the obvious favoritism in check & bring the subject up with you privately later on.
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yta. if you are someone who is adverse to seafood then the smell is often overwhelming. not something mildly unpleasant. many, many adults cannot comfortably sit and eat in a seafood restaurant, yet you expect a child to not just do so, but to do so gracefully while hiding all discomfort.
what did she get to do to celebrate this victory? because it was as much hers as it was your other daughters. because from my, and likely her point of view she won a competition and because of that had to sit through a horrible meal, go hungry and then got punished.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
| 0.647233 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughters 14&16 are on the same dance team. their team won a competition on sunday, and we were all so excited and proud of them. after the competition, my dad suggested we go out to eat and said he would pay for wherever we wanted. older daughter, who loves seafood, has been asking for years to go to a restaurant that has unlimited crab legs, but it's a very pricy restaurant, so we've never been able to. she immediately suggested this restaurant. my dad liked the suggestion. my younger daughter suggested we go to her favorite restaurant, a local mexican restaurant, instead. we've been there many times, as it's much more affordable. knowing this would be a wasted opportunity, i said older daughter's suggestion made more sense because it was somewhere we'd never been. younger daughter complained she wouldn't like anything there, but i assured her the menu would have more than crab legs. we got there, and sure enough, there were many dishes that didn't have seafood, including steak, youngest's favorite. even though there were dishes without seafood, youngest daughter said she wasn't hungry because the restaurant "smelled weird." i ordered her steak anyway. younger daughter pouted throughout the meal. she picked at her steak. older daughter was very happy, and completely absorbed in the crab legs. my mom tried to talk to my younger daughter about the competition, but she wasn't responsive. at the end of the meal, we were all stuffed except for youngest. my dad told everyone to pick a dessert to go, except for youngest because "she's clearly not hungry." i asked my dad to leave her alone, and he did, but she was already upset. when we got home, i tried to talk to her. i explained that this was a rare opportunity and sometimes we need to let someone else have something nice. i told her i could have taken us to the mexican restaurant this weekend. she said it's not the same, because the restaurant we go to the night of the competition is special, and we went somewhere she didn't like. i pointed out that she didn't know she didn't like it because she didn't try it. she said i know she hates seafood and that the restaurant is known for its seafood, so of course she wouldn't want to go there after a special event. she was annoyed all monday and tuesday but started to mellow on wednesday. this morning she asked if we are going to the mexican restaurant tomorrow. i said not this week because of her behavior, but we'll see next week. she wasn't happy. am i being too hard on her? i think she was very rude to her grandparents, but i know when you're a teenager everything feels like a bigger deal than it is. should i have just let her behavior slide and taken her to the mexican restaurant?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughters 14&16 are on the same dance team. their team won a competition on sunday, and we were all so excited and proud of them. after the competition, my dad suggested we go out to eat and said he would pay for wherever we wanted. older daughter, who loves seafood, has been asking for years to go to a restaurant that has unlimited crab legs, but it's a very pricy restaurant, so we've never been able to. she immediately suggested this restaurant. my dad liked the suggestion. my younger daughter suggested we go to her favorite restaurant, a local mexican restaurant, instead. we've been there many times, as it's much more affordable. knowing this would be a wasted opportunity, i said older daughter's suggestion made more sense because it was somewhere we'd never been. younger daughter complained she wouldn't like anything there, but i assured her the menu would have more than crab legs. we got there, and sure enough, there were many dishes that didn't have seafood, including steak, youngest's favorite. even though there were dishes without seafood, youngest daughter said she wasn't hungry because the restaurant "smelled weird." i ordered her steak anyway. younger daughter pouted throughout the meal. she picked at her steak. older daughter was very happy, and completely absorbed in the crab legs. my mom tried to talk to my younger daughter about the competition, but she wasn't responsive. at the end of the meal, we were all stuffed except for youngest. my dad told everyone to pick a dessert to go, except for youngest because "she's clearly not hungry." i asked my dad to leave her alone, and he did, but she was already upset. when we got home, i tried to talk to her. i explained that this was a rare opportunity and sometimes we need to let someone else have something nice. i told her i could have taken us to the mexican restaurant this weekend. she said it's not the same, because the restaurant we go to the night of the competition is special, and we went somewhere she didn't like. i pointed out that she didn't know she didn't like it because she didn't try it. she said i know she hates seafood and that the restaurant is known for its seafood, so of course she wouldn't want to go there after a special event. she was annoyed all monday and tuesday but started to mellow on wednesday. this morning she asked if we are going to the mexican restaurant tomorrow. i said not this week because of her behavior, but we'll see next week. she wasn't happy. am i being too hard on her? i think she was very rude to her grandparents, but i know when you're a teenager everything feels like a bigger deal than it is. should i have just let her behavior slide and taken her to the mexican restaurant? [/INST] nta you’re teaching her a valuable lesson here. too many people seem to have the mentality of “when i am done being angry and move on, you all have to as well.” as though her mood improving absolves her of any accountability for her actions while being pissy. (a classic tactic in my house growing up) </s>
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AITA for wanting my stepdaughter to switch schools in her Junior year to live with us?
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my husband and i have been married for two years and have five children: his daughter from a previous marriage (16), my two sons from a previous relationship (13 and 15), and two children together (3 and 1).
my husband's daughter lived primarily with her mother until she was in 8th grade, when she was offered a scholarship to go to a very good boarding school for high school. i've never agreed with the idea of sending teenagers to live away from family, but her mother and my then fiance agreed that it would be beneficial for her. they drafted a new custody agreement to reflect the new school schedule. my husband moved out of state, so he always had summers and holidays anyway.
when i married my husband, i thought that she would be just a day boarder which seems better than full-time, so i let it go. by the time i learned the truth, 2020 was in full swing and removing her wouldn't have been safe even if she'd wanted to leave, which she didn't.
fast forward to 2022, she's 16 years old and a junior. i recently learned that her mother moved back to her home country six months ago and has been letting my stepdaughter manage her own money. this means that there's now not even a parent in the same state or even side of the country from my stepdaughter. she is completely independent in her day-to-day life.
my stepdaughter has every weekend unsupervised to do whatever she pleases, and independent access to not only multiple major cities, but is only a day trip from another country that she has dual citizenship in. i've seen facebook posts of her just going to art shows in other states without her having even pretended to ask one of her parents for permission. this isn't acceptable.
it's not okay for a teenager to just go live her own life, especially to this degree. we have two sons that are only 1 and 3 years behind her, and they're starting to see the double standard as well. i would never let any of my kids do the things my stepdaughter is doing. she's my child too, and this needs to stop. she needs to change schools to be either with her mother or with us and be part of a family.
my husband says that it's different because she "was raised differently" and is "just more responsible", but that's bull. if he actually thinks she's not being a normal 16 year old with that level of freedom, he's lying to himself. my stepdaughter loves her school, of course, and is very resistant to changing schools for all of one year of high school to leave her friends, and no doubt doesn't want to actually have rules.
i'm still pushing the issue, and now my husband and stepdaughter are mad at me for trying to change the status quo, the boys are mad at me for "having double standards" and other family members are mad at me for either over or under stepping in "my role". aita?
| 6,783 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uiapt0/aita_for_wanting_my_stepdaughter_to_switch/
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2022-05-04 16:37:59
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yta she’s at boarding school and doesn’t need to ask permission to see art shows. you’re being dramatic and she’s not even your child. on top of that you’re controlling. you’re acting as if she’s getting drunk and high every night and interacting with bad people her age/older. calm down. you have no good reason for her to change schools and you’re over stepping your role. her parents already created a plan and you have to respect that
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yta, she hasn't given you any reason to doubt her ability to take care of herself and behave appropriately, so you would be punishing her for literally nothing. she's going to art shows? how wild!
just leave the kid alone. she's not your child and she's been fine this long, removing her from a situation that works for her and isn't harming anyone would be cruel and unreasonable. you should be proud she's independent and cultured.
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yta. you are violently overstepping any rights you have (you have none. you are a step parent of a very short time period who has never had any responsibility or role in raising this child.)
admit it: you’re jealous that your step daughter has a truly amazing life improving opportunity and you can’t give it to your children, so you want to wreck the nice thing this poor girl has.
sit down and shut up before you tank your marriage.
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yta - she's not "your child too". her parents have decided how to raise their child and it is none of your business. you need to step back and leave this alone. whether or not your sons feel there's a double standard is besides the point - they're old enough to understand that their step-sister's parents have made choices for her, and that you and your husband are entitled to make different choices.
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yta. there are agreements in place and oversight from the school.
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[deleted]
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yta. oh no, she went to an art show! she is not 'your child too', at least not in the way you think. decisions about her education are up to her two parents, and they've decided. they don't want to change anything, *she* doesn't want to change anything, that your sons are jealous is completely irrelevant. butt out and let her be.
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>i've never agreed with the idea of sending teenagers to live away from family
nobody cares, and this is irrelevant because this isn’t your child and nobody is trying to make you put your own children in boarding school
>she's my child too,
no she isn’t.
>and this needs to stop.
correct this needs to stop, but the “this” is you trying to control and direct what the *actual* mother and father of this girl do in regard to her.
just because you can’t handle conversations with your own kids about the differences between this girl’s teenage experience and theirs, doesn’t mean everyone needs to bow down to your demands.
yta. and you will *never* be any sort of close part of this girl’s life, much less any sort mother figure to this girl, especially if you keep forcing this issue.
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yta.
first, she's not your child.
the parents made the decision. if you're not happy, too damn bad for you.
teach your sons that they don't have the same parents and so not the same way of living. it's called parenting.
mind you own business. you're not the mother and that girl doesn't even think of you that way.
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yta - thank god you have zero say in this since you are not her mother.
it sounds like this young woman is thriving in this environment and living a wonderful life.
who do you think you are to make these demands on how she lives? you are not her parent and she does not need anything from you.
you need take a big step back and realize you are not in control here and frankly your opinion is irrelevant.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i have been married for two years and have five children: his daughter from a previous marriage (16), my two sons from a previous relationship (13 and 15), and two children together (3 and 1). my husband's daughter lived primarily with her mother until she was in 8th grade, when she was offered a scholarship to go to a very good boarding school for high school. i've never agreed with the idea of sending teenagers to live away from family, but her mother and my then fiance agreed that it would be beneficial for her. they drafted a new custody agreement to reflect the new school schedule. my husband moved out of state, so he always had summers and holidays anyway. when i married my husband, i thought that she would be just a day boarder which seems better than full-time, so i let it go. by the time i learned the truth, 2020 was in full swing and removing her wouldn't have been safe even if she'd wanted to leave, which she didn't. fast forward to 2022, she's 16 years old and a junior. i recently learned that her mother moved back to her home country six months ago and has been letting my stepdaughter manage her own money. this means that there's now not even a parent in the same state or even side of the country from my stepdaughter. she is completely independent in her day-to-day life. my stepdaughter has every weekend unsupervised to do whatever she pleases, and independent access to not only multiple major cities, but is only a day trip from another country that she has dual citizenship in. i've seen facebook posts of her just going to art shows in other states without her having even pretended to ask one of her parents for permission. this isn't acceptable. it's not okay for a teenager to just go live her own life, especially to this degree. we have two sons that are only 1 and 3 years behind her, and they're starting to see the double standard as well. i would never let any of my kids do the things my stepdaughter is doing. she's my child too, and this needs to stop. she needs to change schools to be either with her mother or with us and be part of a family. my husband says that it's different because she "was raised differently" and is "just more responsible", but that's bull. if he actually thinks she's not being a normal 16 year old with that level of freedom, he's lying to himself. my stepdaughter loves her school, of course, and is very resistant to changing schools for all of one year of high school to leave her friends, and no doubt doesn't want to actually have rules. i'm still pushing the issue, and now my husband and stepdaughter are mad at me for trying to change the status quo, the boys are mad at me for "having double standards" and other family members are mad at me for either over or under stepping in "my role". aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i have been married for two years and have five children: his daughter from a previous marriage (16), my two sons from a previous relationship (13 and 15), and two children together (3 and 1). my husband's daughter lived primarily with her mother until she was in 8th grade, when she was offered a scholarship to go to a very good boarding school for high school. i've never agreed with the idea of sending teenagers to live away from family, but her mother and my then fiance agreed that it would be beneficial for her. they drafted a new custody agreement to reflect the new school schedule. my husband moved out of state, so he always had summers and holidays anyway. when i married my husband, i thought that she would be just a day boarder which seems better than full-time, so i let it go. by the time i learned the truth, 2020 was in full swing and removing her wouldn't have been safe even if she'd wanted to leave, which she didn't. fast forward to 2022, she's 16 years old and a junior. i recently learned that her mother moved back to her home country six months ago and has been letting my stepdaughter manage her own money. this means that there's now not even a parent in the same state or even side of the country from my stepdaughter. she is completely independent in her day-to-day life. my stepdaughter has every weekend unsupervised to do whatever she pleases, and independent access to not only multiple major cities, but is only a day trip from another country that she has dual citizenship in. i've seen facebook posts of her just going to art shows in other states without her having even pretended to ask one of her parents for permission. this isn't acceptable. it's not okay for a teenager to just go live her own life, especially to this degree. we have two sons that are only 1 and 3 years behind her, and they're starting to see the double standard as well. i would never let any of my kids do the things my stepdaughter is doing. she's my child too, and this needs to stop. she needs to change schools to be either with her mother or with us and be part of a family. my husband says that it's different because she "was raised differently" and is "just more responsible", but that's bull. if he actually thinks she's not being a normal 16 year old with that level of freedom, he's lying to himself. my stepdaughter loves her school, of course, and is very resistant to changing schools for all of one year of high school to leave her friends, and no doubt doesn't want to actually have rules. i'm still pushing the issue, and now my husband and stepdaughter are mad at me for trying to change the status quo, the boys are mad at me for "having double standards" and other family members are mad at me for either over or under stepping in "my role". aita? [/INST] yta she’s at boarding school and doesn’t need to ask permission to see art shows. you’re being dramatic and she’s not even your child. on top of that you’re controlling. you’re acting as if she’s getting drunk and high every night and interacting with bad people her age/older. calm down. you have no good reason for her to change schools and you’re over stepping your role. her parents already created a plan and you have to respect that </s>
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AITA For making my daughter move her pet rabbit outside due to my stepson's allergies?
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i am a widower. my first wife passed away 6 years ago from cancer. a few years after she passed, i reconnected with a former girlfriend of mine (we ended the relationship amicably, but lost touch over the years). we started dating again, albeit long-distance, and we married this past january and moved in together this february.
there has been a major hiccup in all of this though. my daughter has a pet rabbit, she has had him for almost 5 years now. his name is basil. basil lives in my daughter's room and currently enjoys a lot of space: we converted her walk-in closet into a bunny pad, he is litter trained and she often lets him run around the house supervised. he honestly is more like a cat than what you would think a pet rabbit would be like. she has a little ramp for him to get on and off her bed and he will follow her around the house and everything.
unfortunately, it seems my stepson is *highly* allergic to rabbits.
it seems to be a pretty severe allergy. we've gone to doctors to try medicine, we tried banning basil from the common areas of the house and had everything professionally cleaned. no dice on any of it. just walking down the hallway past my daughter's room causes my stepson's eyes to swell and his throat start to close.
my stepson and wife are currently living in a hotel until we can make the house safe for him.
i told my daughter we will have to move basil outside because him living indoors just isn't safe for her stepbrother. she is, understandably, very upset about this. i've tried to involve her in picking out and building an appropriate setup for basil but she absolutely refuses to do so. she is mostly not talking to me, and when she is it is screaming, crying, and saying every hurtful thing she can think up towards me.
aita?
| 6,710 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tjeck1/aita_for_making_my_daughter_move_her_pet_rabbit/
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2022-03-21 15:25:59
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yta she's already lost her mother and now you want to move her pet away from her just because you have decided to get with someone else , she will end up resenting you and stepson, if his allergies are that severe him and his mother should stay at their own house and except the world doesn't revolve around their illnesses and if they want a sterile environment they will have go make one themselves
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so your child lost her mother 6 years ago and, then, a year later, she got basil and now, you're asking her to give the bunny up? how much more does your child have to lose so that you get to be happy with your new wife? yta.
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honestly, yta. this girl lost her mom and now has to change her lifestyle around. the rabbit is basically a cat and you are forcing her loved pets outdoors. did you think about the rabbit? it's accustomed to indoors and now it has to live outdoors where it could have issues adjusting.
are you sure it's the rabbit allergies? i thought my cats were causing allergies until i did an allergy test and found out it was dust.
have you tried getting an air purifier for her room and letting the rabbit only live in there? moving the bunny outdoors should be a last resort.
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esh, execpt for the kids.
why do 2 adults move in together when one of the child is allergic to the other child's pet ? i mean, do you not want your blended family to last ? are you looking for your daughter to hate your gf and her son ?
poor kid and poor bunny who is going to have to live outside to make your love life easier.
edit : because i just realized she's not your gf but your wife. how did you get married without knowing that her kid was allergic to the rabbit ? why didn't you plan anything before they moved in ?
you and your wife are doing things all wrong. i bet you haven't been together more than two years... you daughter is going to hate you and this new family you're trying to create. why should she be the one to give up something she loves ? she didn't ask for you to get married or to live with your wife and her son, and you can trust me on that, she's going to make your lives very difficult if you make her rabbit live outside.
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yta
i've seen your responses.
you travelled with your daughter to their home while you was ld.
married in january, they moved in february, and they had never been to your house before then, during the 4yrs you had been dating ld?
so my point to why your ta. you would have known about stepsons allergy to basil before hand *if they had visited you at any point during your relationship before moving in*. your daughter is 13, having to get used to 2 people being in *her* home and after 4ish weeks your telling her that basil has to go outside, despite all the training she's given him and how good of a pet he is. she might have given you her blessing on proposing, but that doesn't mean she has to give her blessing to anything else.
you say you've tried everything. and if its the dander he's reacting to, what happens when your daughter has spent time with basil and walks past him? cos if he cant walk past her room, he won't be able to walk by her either.
to your daughter, you are picking them over her. shes already given up her home and having you divide your attention with 2 other people. what is she gaining from this?
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yta
it would have been very easy to find out about this allergy well before moving the stepson in. almost unavoidable, in fact. you wouldn't have to think to test it, as merely having the stepson over to your home to visit would have been enough clue you all in that there was an issue.
moving the pet outside now is just a solution to a problem you created and could have easily avoided.
as for the rabbit, transitioning an indoor rabbit to an outdoor one is an involved process, you can't just dump them in an outdoor hutch and leave them. what's more, it's inhumane to have just one rabbit. they are social animals, and currently the rabbit relies on people for socialization, which it will get significantly less of outdoors. you would need to get another rabbit to keep this one company.
unfortunately, the best thing for the rabbit now is to rehome it rather than put it outside, as it can't stay when it's making the stepson miserable. but the fact that it even came to this is entirely your fault for creating this situation in the first place, and your daughter has a lot of reason to be angry with you for it.
you put yourself above both of these kids just up and moving them in together as thoughtlessly as you did. now this poor girl who has already lost so much has to lose what little she has left, not because of her stepbrother, but because of *you.*
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honestly? yta. your daughter lost her mom. now she has to live with a woman she barely knows and her son. the first thing you do is making her get rid (yes, i know he just changes places, but to her it doesn't matter) of her pet. it might not be the case, but to her this looks like you're picking your stepson's comfort over hers. it's a bad situation and i feel for you. obviously stepson can't live there if it makes him sick. but that's on you and your wife to solve, not on them. they didn't chose that. if someone needs to make a sacrifice here, it shouldn't be a girl by moving away her pet or a child who gets sick.
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yta. you & your wife handled this terribly. stepson hadn't set foot in your house before you had them move in? ridiculous. firstly, stepson deserved a chance to see the home a few times before living there. secondly, this would have made the rabbit allergy apparent and given you all tome to plan.
the options you presented are rabbit goes outside or rabbit gets rehomed. for a house rabbit, going outside may not be in its best interests. rehoming it...unbelievably cruel to your daughter.
ultimately you caused this situation.
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yta. glad you found your second soulmate and all but your daughter deserves to have one parent who prioritizes her. unfortunately, her mom is dead so she’s only got you and you are prioritizing yourself and your *new love*.
can your daughter move in with her maternal or paternal grandparents? and before you get all *but that’s my baby and i want her with me*, you would again be prioritizing yourself and your interests over hers.
let her move in with grandparents until basil reaches the end of his life and see if she wants to come back. that way you don’t need to have *your wife and son* living separately which you said you aren’t willing to do.
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yta, for many reasons.
as a vet tech and rabbit owner, pet rabbits don't belong outside. especially those that are used to living indoors and highly socialized like basil is. you're going to make him go from being a free roam bunny to living in abutchm that's cruel. rabbits don't belong hutches anyway. they need a space that allows them to hop three full length jobs in each direction at minimum.
yta, for putting your "stepson" and your gf above your daughter who has lost her mother and basil is probably the only thing that brings her joy. she's already lost enough.
likely, your stepson is allergic to the hay, try switching to orchard grass hay, it's a lot better for people with allergies. or yiu knowz explain that thus just instead going to work with your gf and you will have to live separately, or break up becauee you can't put your daughter through anymore heartache. and you have tonput her first.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am a widower. my first wife passed away 6 years ago from cancer. a few years after she passed, i reconnected with a former girlfriend of mine (we ended the relationship amicably, but lost touch over the years). we started dating again, albeit long-distance, and we married this past january and moved in together this february. there has been a major hiccup in all of this though. my daughter has a pet rabbit, she has had him for almost 5 years now. his name is basil. basil lives in my daughter's room and currently enjoys a lot of space: we converted her walk-in closet into a bunny pad, he is litter trained and she often lets him run around the house supervised. he honestly is more like a cat than what you would think a pet rabbit would be like. she has a little ramp for him to get on and off her bed and he will follow her around the house and everything. unfortunately, it seems my stepson is *highly* allergic to rabbits. it seems to be a pretty severe allergy. we've gone to doctors to try medicine, we tried banning basil from the common areas of the house and had everything professionally cleaned. no dice on any of it. just walking down the hallway past my daughter's room causes my stepson's eyes to swell and his throat start to close. my stepson and wife are currently living in a hotel until we can make the house safe for him. i told my daughter we will have to move basil outside because him living indoors just isn't safe for her stepbrother. she is, understandably, very upset about this. i've tried to involve her in picking out and building an appropriate setup for basil but she absolutely refuses to do so. she is mostly not talking to me, and when she is it is screaming, crying, and saying every hurtful thing she can think up towards me. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am a widower. my first wife passed away 6 years ago from cancer. a few years after she passed, i reconnected with a former girlfriend of mine (we ended the relationship amicably, but lost touch over the years). we started dating again, albeit long-distance, and we married this past january and moved in together this february. there has been a major hiccup in all of this though. my daughter has a pet rabbit, she has had him for almost 5 years now. his name is basil. basil lives in my daughter's room and currently enjoys a lot of space: we converted her walk-in closet into a bunny pad, he is litter trained and she often lets him run around the house supervised. he honestly is more like a cat than what you would think a pet rabbit would be like. she has a little ramp for him to get on and off her bed and he will follow her around the house and everything. unfortunately, it seems my stepson is *highly* allergic to rabbits. it seems to be a pretty severe allergy. we've gone to doctors to try medicine, we tried banning basil from the common areas of the house and had everything professionally cleaned. no dice on any of it. just walking down the hallway past my daughter's room causes my stepson's eyes to swell and his throat start to close. my stepson and wife are currently living in a hotel until we can make the house safe for him. i told my daughter we will have to move basil outside because him living indoors just isn't safe for her stepbrother. she is, understandably, very upset about this. i've tried to involve her in picking out and building an appropriate setup for basil but she absolutely refuses to do so. she is mostly not talking to me, and when she is it is screaming, crying, and saying every hurtful thing she can think up towards me. aita? [/INST] yta she's already lost her mother and now you want to move her pet away from her just because you have decided to get with someone else , she will end up resenting you and stepson, if his allergies are that severe him and his mother should stay at their own house and except the world doesn't revolve around their illnesses and if they want a sterile environment they will have go make one themselves </s>
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AITA for telling my mom she must have had no self-respect to marry my dad?
|
some context: my (16f) high school has an annual fall dance. not last year, for obvious reasons. but it's back on this year with covid restrictions, of course, and it's been unseasonably warm this season (thanks global warming?) so a lot of the dance will be taking place outside. anyway, the boys are supposed to ask the girls, and yesterday at lunch, a boy asked me and i agreed to go with him.
my dad has always been a traditional kind of guy when it comes to me and my younger sister (14f). so last night at dinner, i mentioned that i had a date for the dance, and he made a crack about answering the door with his shotgun. the thing is, i'm pretty sure he would do it. i told him that if he was going to be like that, i'd just meet up with our friend group at school. he then got very serious and told me in an angry tone that he didn't want me sneaking around with some guy without his knowledge. he asked me what i even knew about this guy. he then said he didn't want me to to turn into one of those "slutty girls" who give it all away to the first guy they meet and who no self-respecting man would ever want to marry.
that's when i flipped a switch. i like to think i'm a pretty good kid. i get good grades, i play volleyball, i help my sister with her homework and help drive her to her soccer practice, i've never had a boyfriend. so being talked to like i was some lovestruck idiot who was going to wind up pregnant because i'm choosing to go to a dance with a friend really annoyed me. also, i know a bit about my dad's history. he was in a frat in college, and he's told stories to my cousin (18m), who recently started college at a big state school where frat culture is a big thing.
so i told him that:
a) this guy is my friend and he seems nice, but if he turns out to be a dick i'll figure it out
b) i only agreed to go to a dance. the last time i checked, going to a dance was not a binding sexual contract.
and here's where i may have crossed the line. i told him that i knew he was in a frat in college, and i know what goes on in those places. i also know the stories he's told my cousin. so in the heat of the moment, i said something along the lines of:
"by your own logic, the only slut in the family is **you.**"
then i looked at my mom and said "you must have had no self-respect to have married him."
by the looks on their faces, i could tell what i said was hurtful. and then of course, i got yelled at and probably won't be able to go to the dance at all. but i feel like it's unfair for him to give me a lecture about "slutty" behavior and self-worth when he's recently been bragging to my male cousin about doing much worse things when he was just a few years older than me. but maybe i crossed the line trying to prove my point. aita?
&#x200b;
**
| 20,594 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q9atd4/aita_for_telling_my_mom_she_must_have_had_no/
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2021-10-16 12:14:09
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nta. everything you said to your dad is 100% accurate and frankly i would hi five my daughter if she said that.
i completely understand why you brought your mother into it. she was allowing your father to slut shame you and that is unacceptable.
it sounds like your father is projecting from his past behaviors and your mother is conditioned to think those things are acceptable. good on you for standing up for yourself.
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nta. your father can kick rocks. what a nasty thing to say to someone. good on you for standing up for yourself. maybe apologize to your mom (however, she should have stood up for you) but your dad owes you an apology for being a misogynistic as*hat. don’t ever lose that fire within that made you stand up for yourself
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you punched his mysogony right in the fuckin' mouth you lil champ. sorry if you end up missing that dance. don't stop standing up for yourself against those kinds of comments...i would encourage my little sister do the same. but i'm a hothead so your post gave me a justice boner.
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nta. if you feel bad about what you said to your mom apologise but end of the day you were standing your ground and in the heat of the moment that is a hell of a comeback to make.
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nta you are 100% right about him and his double standards
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yta to your mom.
your dad is....not an ass hole or ass hat but an entire ass suit.
the shotgun thing is horrible and can be taken as a threat. he went way off the rails with the slut shaming and lecturing.
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nta. your dad was a slut in college. since your dad likes to " slut shame" females your daddy can own they were slutty in college and your mom settled for sloppy seconds
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can i say yta but it’s justified? because what you said wasn’t nice but you called him out on the double standard. good for you, i hope you still get to go to the dance and i hope you have a wonderful time with your friend.
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nta.
this guy needs to make up his mind.
first it was too many dicks. now it’s not enough.
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nta. why? well, dad had it coming and mom too for sitting there and not saying anything.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.164243 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: some context: my (16f) high school has an annual fall dance. not last year, for obvious reasons. but it's back on this year with covid restrictions, of course, and it's been unseasonably warm this season (thanks global warming?) so a lot of the dance will be taking place outside. anyway, the boys are supposed to ask the girls, and yesterday at lunch, a boy asked me and i agreed to go with him. my dad has always been a traditional kind of guy when it comes to me and my younger sister (14f). so last night at dinner, i mentioned that i had a date for the dance, and he made a crack about answering the door with his shotgun. the thing is, i'm pretty sure he would do it. i told him that if he was going to be like that, i'd just meet up with our friend group at school. he then got very serious and told me in an angry tone that he didn't want me sneaking around with some guy without his knowledge. he asked me what i even knew about this guy. he then said he didn't want me to to turn into one of those "slutty girls" who give it all away to the first guy they meet and who no self-respecting man would ever want to marry. that's when i flipped a switch. i like to think i'm a pretty good kid. i get good grades, i play volleyball, i help my sister with her homework and help drive her to her soccer practice, i've never had a boyfriend. so being talked to like i was some lovestruck idiot who was going to wind up pregnant because i'm choosing to go to a dance with a friend really annoyed me. also, i know a bit about my dad's history. he was in a frat in college, and he's told stories to my cousin (18m), who recently started college at a big state school where frat culture is a big thing. so i told him that: a) this guy is my friend and he seems nice, but if he turns out to be a dick i'll figure it out b) i only agreed to go to a dance. the last time i checked, going to a dance was not a binding sexual contract. and here's where i may have crossed the line. i told him that i knew he was in a frat in college, and i know what goes on in those places. i also know the stories he's told my cousin. so in the heat of the moment, i said something along the lines of: "by your own logic, the only slut in the family is **you.**" then i looked at my mom and said "you must have had no self-respect to have married him." by the looks on their faces, i could tell what i said was hurtful. and then of course, i got yelled at and probably won't be able to go to the dance at all. but i feel like it's unfair for him to give me a lecture about "slutty" behavior and self-worth when he's recently been bragging to my male cousin about doing much worse things when he was just a few years older than me. but maybe i crossed the line trying to prove my point. aita? &#x200b; **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
some context: my (16f) high school has an annual fall dance. not last year, for obvious reasons. but it's back on this year with covid restrictions, of course, and it's been unseasonably warm this season (thanks global warming?) so a lot of the dance will be taking place outside. anyway, the boys are supposed to ask the girls, and yesterday at lunch, a boy asked me and i agreed to go with him. my dad has always been a traditional kind of guy when it comes to me and my younger sister (14f). so last night at dinner, i mentioned that i had a date for the dance, and he made a crack about answering the door with his shotgun. the thing is, i'm pretty sure he would do it. i told him that if he was going to be like that, i'd just meet up with our friend group at school. he then got very serious and told me in an angry tone that he didn't want me sneaking around with some guy without his knowledge. he asked me what i even knew about this guy. he then said he didn't want me to to turn into one of those "slutty girls" who give it all away to the first guy they meet and who no self-respecting man would ever want to marry. that's when i flipped a switch. i like to think i'm a pretty good kid. i get good grades, i play volleyball, i help my sister with her homework and help drive her to her soccer practice, i've never had a boyfriend. so being talked to like i was some lovestruck idiot who was going to wind up pregnant because i'm choosing to go to a dance with a friend really annoyed me. also, i know a bit about my dad's history. he was in a frat in college, and he's told stories to my cousin (18m), who recently started college at a big state school where frat culture is a big thing. so i told him that: a) this guy is my friend and he seems nice, but if he turns out to be a dick i'll figure it out b) i only agreed to go to a dance. the last time i checked, going to a dance was not a binding sexual contract. and here's where i may have crossed the line. i told him that i knew he was in a frat in college, and i know what goes on in those places. i also know the stories he's told my cousin. so in the heat of the moment, i said something along the lines of: "by your own logic, the only slut in the family is **you.**" then i looked at my mom and said "you must have had no self-respect to have married him." by the looks on their faces, i could tell what i said was hurtful. and then of course, i got yelled at and probably won't be able to go to the dance at all. but i feel like it's unfair for him to give me a lecture about "slutty" behavior and self-worth when he's recently been bragging to my male cousin about doing much worse things when he was just a few years older than me. but maybe i crossed the line trying to prove my point. aita? &#x200b; ** [/INST] nta. everything you said to your dad is 100% accurate and frankly i would hi five my daughter if she said that. i completely understand why you brought your mother into it. she was allowing your father to slut shame you and that is unacceptable. it sounds like your father is projecting from his past behaviors and your mother is conditioned to think those things are acceptable. good on you for standing up for yourself. </s>
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AITA for proposing to my girlfriend in a way she didn't like?
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i (34 m) have been seeing my girlfriend (28 f) for 4 years.
we've talked about marriage and kids in passing, it's always been something we're both open to, but we're both quite career-minded and that's been our focus.
she and her brother both often joke/complain about the pressure they feel from their parents to get married (he's been in a relationship longer than we have and still not engaged), and i've seen as well how it's something their parents drop unsubtle hints about all the time. i don't think they mean it to feel like pressure - they just want their kids to be happy, and they want to be grandparents.
anyway, i've been thinking about it a lot lately. i've reached that point in my life where marriage is increasingly appealing. i'm ready to make that commitment, and i know she's the one for me.
her parents hosted a dinner party to celebrate us all being able to finally visit each other's houses again - it was me, my gf, her brother, his gf and our 3 sets of parents.
it seemed perfect to me, so after dessert i got down on one knee and proposed. she looked pretty stunned and said "errrm.... i guess" and everyone laughed.
all the parents started celebrating, her mother was crying, her father was opening champagne, we were all hugging.
we went home later and i told her how happy i was to spend the rest of my life with her, and she started crying and saying she felt like she had no choice.
this upset me, it was hardly the enthusiasm i'd hoped for, and i asked if she loved me.
she said she did, and maybe she did want to get married, but the way i proposed made it feel like her answer was a foregone conclusion and she didn't have time to think about it, and even now she knows that if she were to change her mind, she'd be letting everyone down and disappointing her parents.
she said she wished i'd proposed privately, so we could talk together about what it really means and what our future looks like, and she could be really 100% sure of her decision before announcing it to her family. she feels like i've removed her opportunity to prepare for her parents' reaction and make sure she was saying yes because she wanted to, instead of because of expectation.
she says she's less sure than ever about our relationship because the proposal shows how little i know her or what she wants.
i thought i was being romantic, and even if it wasn't her ideal proposal, i don't see why that should affect her answer. our relationship's about more than just that one evening.
aita?
| 6,309 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i463il/aita_for_proposing_to_my_girlfriend_in_a_way_she/
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2020-08-05 14:15:10
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yta - you really should have been paying more attention to these discussions on how much pressure their parents have put on them to get married, and how uncomfortable that is.
asking in front of the people who pressure her to get married was probably the absolute worst way to propose to this woman.
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it pains me to say this, but yta. she has a point. when i saw the title, i was ready for a story about some entitled girl who was mad that you didn't make some huge grand gesture with fireworks and shit, but she has a point on this one.
by making a public spectacle out of it, you really did force her into a corner. saying no in that situation is incredibly awkward, to the point that most people couldn't bring themselves to do it, and now, as she said, she feels kind of trapped into it because all those people saw her say yes and all got excited about it. not gonna lie, i did the same thing (too young), and she ended up breaking it off. not saying that's going to happen to you, but the "yes" in that case didn't mean a lot. she just felt compelled to say yes.
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you don't pop the question unless you know the answer. you basically did the same as proposing with a blimp or an airplane in a baseball game with the big screen then focusing on you.
of course she said yes. she would have broken her entire family's heart and **destroyed your relationship** if she had. consider for two minutes if she had said no, and then privately told you you need to talk about it and later the answer would have been yes. would you have been upset? yes.
>she says she's less sure than ever about our relationship because the proposal shows how little i know her or what she wants.
well, she's right, you didn't give a shit about her, and a proposal is supposed to be all about the two of you.
>i thought i was being romantic,
well, it wasn't romantic. it was heavy-handed and insensitive.
>i don't see why that should affect her answer. our relationship's about more than just that one evening.
ah right, because it was fun and nice for you, it doesn't really matter what she feels? your engagement is off to a great start!
yta.
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yta.
>anyway, **i've** been thinking about it a lot lately. **i've** reached that point in **my** life where marriage is increasingly appealing. **i'm** ready to make that commitment, and **i** know she's the one for me.
<
look at all of the "i" and "me" words in here. not once is there a "we", "us", "our" word. you are only thinking about what you want and you never once stopped to communicate with her about what she wants. you make it sound like you looked at your to-do list one day, saw that marriage and a family were next and you just shrugged and said "okay, i guess that's fine and i guess you're fine".
look, it's okay if the proposal itself is a surprise, but the idea of it should not be. you two should have had a discussion about where you both are in the relationship and where you see it going from there. there needs to be an agreement to get married before a proposal. you've watched too many bad movies romanticizing unhealthy relationship dynamics. i mean, you didn't even bother to find out what kind of proposal she would have wanted. you did trap her and put her in an incredibly unfair position by blind siding her with this in front of family. no man, just no.
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i’m leaning yta. i hate public proposals because the other person feels like they have to say yes. do it in private and reveal it as she is comfortable
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i’m sorry but yta
here’s why
- never propose without discussion of marriage
- if you do then do it privately so that you guys can discuss it
- just because you are ready for marriage doesn’t mean that she is. that’s why it could change the answer.
i get that your heart was in the right place and you wanted to marry her but you should have talked to her about it first. by doing it public you practically forced her to say yes because she doesn’t want to embarrass you or disappoint her family.
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yta
you should have talked to her about getting engaged before popping the question. by asking her in front of her marriage hounding parents you put her in a very sticky and pressure filled situation.
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you're really going to act like you didn't intentionally ask her in front of everyone because you knew they wanted you guys to get engaged?
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yta - you really put her on the spot by doing that and i can see why she felt she had no choice. you had a lot of time to consider marriage and come to your decision, while she had about 2 seconds in front of everyone who has been pressuring her. that's not fair.
you're right that your relationship is about more than just one evening, but you really botched what should have been one of the most romantic moments of her life.
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info: had you ever talked about marriage and your future before?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
|
INFO
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (34 m) have been seeing my girlfriend (28 f) for 4 years. we've talked about marriage and kids in passing, it's always been something we're both open to, but we're both quite career-minded and that's been our focus. she and her brother both often joke/complain about the pressure they feel from their parents to get married (he's been in a relationship longer than we have and still not engaged), and i've seen as well how it's something their parents drop unsubtle hints about all the time. i don't think they mean it to feel like pressure - they just want their kids to be happy, and they want to be grandparents. anyway, i've been thinking about it a lot lately. i've reached that point in my life where marriage is increasingly appealing. i'm ready to make that commitment, and i know she's the one for me. her parents hosted a dinner party to celebrate us all being able to finally visit each other's houses again - it was me, my gf, her brother, his gf and our 3 sets of parents. it seemed perfect to me, so after dessert i got down on one knee and proposed. she looked pretty stunned and said "errrm.... i guess" and everyone laughed. all the parents started celebrating, her mother was crying, her father was opening champagne, we were all hugging. we went home later and i told her how happy i was to spend the rest of my life with her, and she started crying and saying she felt like she had no choice. this upset me, it was hardly the enthusiasm i'd hoped for, and i asked if she loved me. she said she did, and maybe she did want to get married, but the way i proposed made it feel like her answer was a foregone conclusion and she didn't have time to think about it, and even now she knows that if she were to change her mind, she'd be letting everyone down and disappointing her parents. she said she wished i'd proposed privately, so we could talk together about what it really means and what our future looks like, and she could be really 100% sure of her decision before announcing it to her family. she feels like i've removed her opportunity to prepare for her parents' reaction and make sure she was saying yes because she wanted to, instead of because of expectation. she says she's less sure than ever about our relationship because the proposal shows how little i know her or what she wants. i thought i was being romantic, and even if it wasn't her ideal proposal, i don't see why that should affect her answer. our relationship's about more than just that one evening. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (34 m) have been seeing my girlfriend (28 f) for 4 years. we've talked about marriage and kids in passing, it's always been something we're both open to, but we're both quite career-minded and that's been our focus. she and her brother both often joke/complain about the pressure they feel from their parents to get married (he's been in a relationship longer than we have and still not engaged), and i've seen as well how it's something their parents drop unsubtle hints about all the time. i don't think they mean it to feel like pressure - they just want their kids to be happy, and they want to be grandparents. anyway, i've been thinking about it a lot lately. i've reached that point in my life where marriage is increasingly appealing. i'm ready to make that commitment, and i know she's the one for me. her parents hosted a dinner party to celebrate us all being able to finally visit each other's houses again - it was me, my gf, her brother, his gf and our 3 sets of parents. it seemed perfect to me, so after dessert i got down on one knee and proposed. she looked pretty stunned and said "errrm.... i guess" and everyone laughed. all the parents started celebrating, her mother was crying, her father was opening champagne, we were all hugging. we went home later and i told her how happy i was to spend the rest of my life with her, and she started crying and saying she felt like she had no choice. this upset me, it was hardly the enthusiasm i'd hoped for, and i asked if she loved me. she said she did, and maybe she did want to get married, but the way i proposed made it feel like her answer was a foregone conclusion and she didn't have time to think about it, and even now she knows that if she were to change her mind, she'd be letting everyone down and disappointing her parents. she said she wished i'd proposed privately, so we could talk together about what it really means and what our future looks like, and she could be really 100% sure of her decision before announcing it to her family. she feels like i've removed her opportunity to prepare for her parents' reaction and make sure she was saying yes because she wanted to, instead of because of expectation. she says she's less sure than ever about our relationship because the proposal shows how little i know her or what she wants. i thought i was being romantic, and even if it wasn't her ideal proposal, i don't see why that should affect her answer. our relationship's about more than just that one evening. aita? [/INST] yta - you really should have been paying more attention to these discussions on how much pressure their parents have put on them to get married, and how uncomfortable that is. asking in front of the people who pressure her to get married was probably the absolute worst way to propose to this woman. </s>
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WIBTA: If I refuse to get a flu shot to hang out with my GF's friends
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my gf wants to host a game night, but one of her friends has a newborn(4weeks old). the parents want everyone to have their flu shots before they bring the kid over. maybe it's because i(30yr m) grew up before flu shots were a thing, but i don't feel that i should be required to have a shot to hang out with them. if they are worried about their kid they should get a sitter and leave him at home.
my gf got pissed and said i was being unreasonable because the flu shot was inexpensive and you can easily get them at a cvs. i am all about vaccinations, but i am not a fan of being told i need to do something for someone else's peace of mind.
| 14,188 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/di4l1l/wibta_if_i_refuse_to_get_a_flu_shot_to_hang_out/
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2019-10-15 07:57:20
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yta.
>maybe it's because i(30yr m) grew up before flu shots were a thing
just no. flu vaccines have been around for more than 50 years. i'm a little bit older than you and have got one every year that i can remember.
and the vaccine is just as much for everyone else as it is for you.
get the fucking shot.
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yes, if you refuse, yta. that baby can't get vaccinated yet, and relies on herd immunity to keep from getting sick. without it, the baby could actually die from the flu. for real. so, either get the shot or stay home.
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yta.
______________________________________
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yta either don’t go or come up with a better excuse than you don’t want to be told to do something.
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yta. it's not just for someone peace of mind. the baby can get seriously sick from you. is it really hard to get a flu shot ? you either should take that flu shot or just stay home.
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yta- i'm 34 and get my flu shot, don't use your age as an excuse. there wasn't an hpv vaccine when we were growing up either but that doesn't mean you shouldn't get it. also, telling someone they should leave a newborn with a stranger because it's an inconvenience to you to get a damn shot is ridiculous. you're not just affecting the baby, you're potentially affecting everyone else you pass by.
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yta. get a flu shot, you wiener.
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yta. you're objecting on a stupid principle. you're not even against the vaccine (which would be stupid in itself), you're just choosing to be stubborn for no reason.
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yta. she wants her friends to meet the baby. it can be deadly if a baby gets the flu. why don’t you get over your ego or you stay somewhere else and get a babysitter for your childish self.
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yta, you say you're all about vaccinations, but won't get one because you say you're being told to.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my gf wants to host a game night, but one of her friends has a newborn(4weeks old). the parents want everyone to have their flu shots before they bring the kid over. maybe it's because i(30yr m) grew up before flu shots were a thing, but i don't feel that i should be required to have a shot to hang out with them. if they are worried about their kid they should get a sitter and leave him at home. my gf got pissed and said i was being unreasonable because the flu shot was inexpensive and you can easily get them at a cvs. i am all about vaccinations, but i am not a fan of being told i need to do something for someone else's peace of mind.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my gf wants to host a game night, but one of her friends has a newborn(4weeks old). the parents want everyone to have their flu shots before they bring the kid over. maybe it's because i(30yr m) grew up before flu shots were a thing, but i don't feel that i should be required to have a shot to hang out with them. if they are worried about their kid they should get a sitter and leave him at home. my gf got pissed and said i was being unreasonable because the flu shot was inexpensive and you can easily get them at a cvs. i am all about vaccinations, but i am not a fan of being told i need to do something for someone else's peace of mind. [/INST] yta. >maybe it's because i(30yr m) grew up before flu shots were a thing just no. flu vaccines have been around for more than 50 years. i'm a little bit older than you and have got one every year that i can remember. and the vaccine is just as much for everyone else as it is for you. get the fucking shot. </s>
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AITA for not taking my girlfriend's side over a sexist tradition at a restaurant?
|
i (m26) am a second generation french immigrant to the us. i speak french and most of my family lives in france, so i try to make a trip back to france once or twice a year.
i have been dating an american girl (f24) for two years now. my girlfriend does not speak french at all. the actual events in question happened this winter.
i usually go to france around christmas time. the most recent christmas, my girlfriend wanted to come with me. i said sure as she had never been to france before and we'd been dating almost two years so it seemed reasonable.
my family comes from the south west, but i also have family in paris so we stopped in paris first. my gf wanted to eat at a fancy french restaurant while we were there, something with michelin stars. expensive, but not really a problem since i make pretty good money.
we made a reservation for a good restaurant, not the best but still good. we had to make it months in advance because it's a restaurant that's high in demand. as a very upscale restaurant, there was also a dress code and things like that.
we showed up and everything was fine at first. they took our coats, we sat down, the restaurant was beautiful, etc. the waiter then gave us our menu. i had to do all the communication as my gf doesn't speak french.
i was showing my gf something on my menu and she noticed that mine had prices and hers didn't. i had completely forgotten about this tradition because it's just not common at all in the us.
she asked me why mine had prices but not hers. i explained to her that it was just a tradition in many upscale french restaurants. she called it sexist and said it was ridiculous. i told her that it's just the way it is in these kinds of places, and that we shouldn't have come here if she was upset by this.
she wanted me to ask for a menu with prices for her. i refused because we already had the prices and i didn't want to make a scene. she demanded that i confront a waiter about it or she would walk out. i called her bluff and she ended up staying, but didn't talk to me for the whole meal, which was delicious by the way.
we've been back home for several months but she keeps bringing it up. i'm honestly considering ending the relationship over this because she will not stop talking about. she keeps accusing me of being sexist (i'm not) and has been making ridiculous comparisons.
aita?
| 20,163 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g2gh5m/aita_for_not_taking_my_girlfriends_side_over_a/
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2020-04-16 14:59:04
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yta - all you had to do was say "sir, my companion would appreciate a menu that includes the price list." it seems unlikely this would have caused a scene. he's a waiter responsible for customer service. it may be tradition, but i highly doubt it's restaurant policy to refuse to share their prices with their female clientele.
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" i told her that we shouldn't have come here if she was upset by this" how was she supposed to know?
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yta she felt discriminated and you did not support her. and failed her as a partner. tradition does not make misogyny ok. these restaurants should adapt themselves to modern society. not the other way around.
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[removed]
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info: what happens if two women go out to eat at this restaurant?
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yta. she’s a bloody adult, she can see the cost of the food she’s ordering, even if you are paying for it. it really bothers people to not know the cost of things, and she probably wanted to know so she didn’t order like a $1000 dish or something. oh, and it *is* misogynistic. just because it’s “tradition” doesn’t mean it’s good or okay. the reason they give men the prices menu is because way back when, women didn’t have money of their own and were assumed dependent on a man. continuing that “tradition” today just perpetuates the notion that women have to be supported by a man.
it’s not a tradition. it’s just a remnant of patriarchal misogyny. would you call it a “tradition” for a country to not allow women to vote or have jobs, or be doctors or lawyers or engineers, or would you just say it’s sexist?
“tradition” isn’t a free pass for dickish behavior.
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yta. not a major one and the scales are tippy here, but the fact that you told her "we shouldn't have come here then" when she didn't know is what really frustrates me. she literally had no warning and it wasn't until she was already in the place that she was confronted with a sexist tradition.
who was actually paying genuinely doesn't matter because regardless of anything she was still exposed to an environment where she was given no agency based on assumptions about her gender. people in the comments say she "still had access via your menu," but it is moderately demeaning to have to lean over your boyfriend's shoulder like a little kid to get a look at what something costs.
it wasn't unreasonable for her to ask and i highly doubt it would've made a scene if you politely called the waiter over and asked them, you just didn't want to deal with the discomfort of going against the grain for six seconds in order to help your girlfriend not feel like she was being treated like less of an adult and less a human being. even someone who's not paying has plenty of legitimate reasons to need to be able to look at prices.
she keeps bringing it up because she trusted you to have her back and you didn't.
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. it’s not actually a sexist tradition; the menu with prices goes to the person who made the reservation as that person is the one hosting the others. had you made a reservation for a group, you would have been the only one with the prices too; irrelevant of gender of the other people present. your girl overreacted based on an uninformed assumption...
have to say though; you should have just asked the waiter for a menu with the prices for your girl, you are paying through the nose and the waiter would have happily brought her one. why not do something simple to keep your girl happy?
i’m saying esh.
btw - was this la tour d’argent?
edit. thanks for the awards - my first. also; i’d like to say that while my experience in the industry is that this was a host menu, i am completely accepting that experiences may vary. sexism is painfully real and is harmful to not just women but society as a whole. we all have our part to play in challenging harmful societal norms and if a menu is your chosen vector for that, then i support you entirely.
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nta. i'm sorry but the saying "when in rome" exists for a reason.
don't bring american attitudes to french restaurants and expect an american atmosphere. just stay in america. i'm american and female and just as "gung-ho" about womens rights as the next one, but your girlfriend seems to just be fishing for something to anger her.
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nah. she's right, it *is* sexist. it may not be a very big deal, but you can at least acknowledge that this tradition has sexist roots. however, i can also see why you wouldn't want to make a scene, especially if you were the one paying anyway.
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.288871 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (m26) am a second generation french immigrant to the us. i speak french and most of my family lives in france, so i try to make a trip back to france once or twice a year. i have been dating an american girl (f24) for two years now. my girlfriend does not speak french at all. the actual events in question happened this winter. i usually go to france around christmas time. the most recent christmas, my girlfriend wanted to come with me. i said sure as she had never been to france before and we'd been dating almost two years so it seemed reasonable. my family comes from the south west, but i also have family in paris so we stopped in paris first. my gf wanted to eat at a fancy french restaurant while we were there, something with michelin stars. expensive, but not really a problem since i make pretty good money. we made a reservation for a good restaurant, not the best but still good. we had to make it months in advance because it's a restaurant that's high in demand. as a very upscale restaurant, there was also a dress code and things like that. we showed up and everything was fine at first. they took our coats, we sat down, the restaurant was beautiful, etc. the waiter then gave us our menu. i had to do all the communication as my gf doesn't speak french. i was showing my gf something on my menu and she noticed that mine had prices and hers didn't. i had completely forgotten about this tradition because it's just not common at all in the us. she asked me why mine had prices but not hers. i explained to her that it was just a tradition in many upscale french restaurants. she called it sexist and said it was ridiculous. i told her that it's just the way it is in these kinds of places, and that we shouldn't have come here if she was upset by this. she wanted me to ask for a menu with prices for her. i refused because we already had the prices and i didn't want to make a scene. she demanded that i confront a waiter about it or she would walk out. i called her bluff and she ended up staying, but didn't talk to me for the whole meal, which was delicious by the way. we've been back home for several months but she keeps bringing it up. i'm honestly considering ending the relationship over this because she will not stop talking about. she keeps accusing me of being sexist (i'm not) and has been making ridiculous comparisons. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (m26) am a second generation french immigrant to the us. i speak french and most of my family lives in france, so i try to make a trip back to france once or twice a year. i have been dating an american girl (f24) for two years now. my girlfriend does not speak french at all. the actual events in question happened this winter. i usually go to france around christmas time. the most recent christmas, my girlfriend wanted to come with me. i said sure as she had never been to france before and we'd been dating almost two years so it seemed reasonable. my family comes from the south west, but i also have family in paris so we stopped in paris first. my gf wanted to eat at a fancy french restaurant while we were there, something with michelin stars. expensive, but not really a problem since i make pretty good money. we made a reservation for a good restaurant, not the best but still good. we had to make it months in advance because it's a restaurant that's high in demand. as a very upscale restaurant, there was also a dress code and things like that. we showed up and everything was fine at first. they took our coats, we sat down, the restaurant was beautiful, etc. the waiter then gave us our menu. i had to do all the communication as my gf doesn't speak french. i was showing my gf something on my menu and she noticed that mine had prices and hers didn't. i had completely forgotten about this tradition because it's just not common at all in the us. she asked me why mine had prices but not hers. i explained to her that it was just a tradition in many upscale french restaurants. she called it sexist and said it was ridiculous. i told her that it's just the way it is in these kinds of places, and that we shouldn't have come here if she was upset by this. she wanted me to ask for a menu with prices for her. i refused because we already had the prices and i didn't want to make a scene. she demanded that i confront a waiter about it or she would walk out. i called her bluff and she ended up staying, but didn't talk to me for the whole meal, which was delicious by the way. we've been back home for several months but she keeps bringing it up. i'm honestly considering ending the relationship over this because she will not stop talking about. she keeps accusing me of being sexist (i'm not) and has been making ridiculous comparisons. aita? [/INST] yta - all you had to do was say "sir, my companion would appreciate a menu that includes the price list." it seems unlikely this would have caused a scene. he's a waiter responsible for customer service. it may be tradition, but i highly doubt it's restaurant policy to refuse to share their prices with their female clientele. </s>
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AITA for saying my wife and me aren't going to apologize to my sister's boyfriend?
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my sister *jennifer* (25f) has a new boyfriend *dan* (25m). they've been dating almost 3 months and about a month ago she brought him around so my wife (29f) and me (29m) could meet him. he seemed okay and we didn't have any problems then. while they were over i showed them the train horn i bought to install in my wife's vehicle. i wish i could have one in mine but i drive a company truck so no dice. i have fun if i have to drive my wife's vehicle now because of the horn.
dan said we should reconsider because the horn would be illegal here. since he's 1st year in law school me and my wife thought it was a flex. but we ignored it because he seemed okay otherwise. we didn't know dan has been a a paralegal for over 3 years and works at a law firm that primarily handles traffic and driving cases. we thought he was just showing off honestly because he's in law school now.
my wife was stopped by the cops and got a citation got the train horn and they towed her vehicle because without a legal horn it was considered unsafe. my wife has to go to court for the illegal horn and we had to pay out the ass for the towing and impound fees plus a mechanic to fix the horn back to a default because i tried and could not. when jennifer found out she said it was our own fault because dan told us the horn was illegal. i countered to the 2 of them that he should have been clearer about his credentials at the traffic firm and we would have listened. but we thought he was flexing and talking out of his ass because he's in law school now. i blame him for not being clearer. we wouldn't have had this problem if he'd actually told us.
jennifer says we need to apologize to dan for blaming him. i disagree. for the record my parents agree. i've been married to my wife for almost 11 years whereas jennifer hasn't even known dan for 3 months. we don't know him well. my wife is family. i certainly don't think she should apologize nor should i because dan could have communicated better here and now we're in a mess. if we'd known dan was an actual professional we would have taken it seriously.
| 6,964 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tki243/aita_for_saying_my_wife_and_me_arent_going_to/
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2022-03-23 00:58:45
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yta - this is hilarious. he told you, you didn’t listen.
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*my wife and i did an illegal thing and should have looked into it first, and someone we just met told us it was likely illegal, but we assumed he was a jerk and now want to blame him for our own mistake.*
yta.
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yta this is the funniest shit i've read in a while. he warned you!! he literally warned you. this is the definition of fuck around and find out. he doesn't have to be a lawyer for you to listen to him lmao.
y'all played yourselves.
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yta
>we wouldn't have had this problem if he'd actually told us.
no. you wouldn't have had this problem *if you were adults who looked into their choices*. have you never heard of google?
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yta
>i blame him for not being clearer. we wouldn't have had this problem if he'd actually told us.
he did tell you. you just thought he was full of himself. that's on you. you should have at least looked into after he said something. you're a grown adult. take responsibility for yourself.
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yta.
he knew, he warned you, you blew him off.
all on you!
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yta he literally warned you, you’re mad he didn’t make you listen to him? do you even hear yourself?
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am i missing the part where you said/know it’s dans doing your wife got pulled by the cops ?
regardless of that, yta for trying to blame other people for you and your wife getting caught wilfully breaking the law after also showing off about it
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yta. you honestly think you would have had less of a problem had he told you and listed his credentials?!? lol you would have called him arrogant and still done it anyway. this is in no way his fault. take some responsibility.
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info: did he turn you in to the cops?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister *jennifer* (25f) has a new boyfriend *dan* (25m). they've been dating almost 3 months and about a month ago she brought him around so my wife (29f) and me (29m) could meet him. he seemed okay and we didn't have any problems then. while they were over i showed them the train horn i bought to install in my wife's vehicle. i wish i could have one in mine but i drive a company truck so no dice. i have fun if i have to drive my wife's vehicle now because of the horn. dan said we should reconsider because the horn would be illegal here. since he's 1st year in law school me and my wife thought it was a flex. but we ignored it because he seemed okay otherwise. we didn't know dan has been a a paralegal for over 3 years and works at a law firm that primarily handles traffic and driving cases. we thought he was just showing off honestly because he's in law school now. my wife was stopped by the cops and got a citation got the train horn and they towed her vehicle because without a legal horn it was considered unsafe. my wife has to go to court for the illegal horn and we had to pay out the ass for the towing and impound fees plus a mechanic to fix the horn back to a default because i tried and could not. when jennifer found out she said it was our own fault because dan told us the horn was illegal. i countered to the 2 of them that he should have been clearer about his credentials at the traffic firm and we would have listened. but we thought he was flexing and talking out of his ass because he's in law school now. i blame him for not being clearer. we wouldn't have had this problem if he'd actually told us. jennifer says we need to apologize to dan for blaming him. i disagree. for the record my parents agree. i've been married to my wife for almost 11 years whereas jennifer hasn't even known dan for 3 months. we don't know him well. my wife is family. i certainly don't think she should apologize nor should i because dan could have communicated better here and now we're in a mess. if we'd known dan was an actual professional we would have taken it seriously.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister *jennifer* (25f) has a new boyfriend *dan* (25m). they've been dating almost 3 months and about a month ago she brought him around so my wife (29f) and me (29m) could meet him. he seemed okay and we didn't have any problems then. while they were over i showed them the train horn i bought to install in my wife's vehicle. i wish i could have one in mine but i drive a company truck so no dice. i have fun if i have to drive my wife's vehicle now because of the horn. dan said we should reconsider because the horn would be illegal here. since he's 1st year in law school me and my wife thought it was a flex. but we ignored it because he seemed okay otherwise. we didn't know dan has been a a paralegal for over 3 years and works at a law firm that primarily handles traffic and driving cases. we thought he was just showing off honestly because he's in law school now. my wife was stopped by the cops and got a citation got the train horn and they towed her vehicle because without a legal horn it was considered unsafe. my wife has to go to court for the illegal horn and we had to pay out the ass for the towing and impound fees plus a mechanic to fix the horn back to a default because i tried and could not. when jennifer found out she said it was our own fault because dan told us the horn was illegal. i countered to the 2 of them that he should have been clearer about his credentials at the traffic firm and we would have listened. but we thought he was flexing and talking out of his ass because he's in law school now. i blame him for not being clearer. we wouldn't have had this problem if he'd actually told us. jennifer says we need to apologize to dan for blaming him. i disagree. for the record my parents agree. i've been married to my wife for almost 11 years whereas jennifer hasn't even known dan for 3 months. we don't know him well. my wife is family. i certainly don't think she should apologize nor should i because dan could have communicated better here and now we're in a mess. if we'd known dan was an actual professional we would have taken it seriously. [/INST] yta - this is hilarious. he told you, you didn’t listen. </s>
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AITA for letting my daughter wear an expensive dress to my sister's house?
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hi all.
me, my husband and our 15 year old daughter georgia went to my sister's place for lunch this weekend.
georgia is very bright. she completed her exams early and is now studying more advanced material. she's a big fashionista, a lot more than i was at that age. she loves pretty clothes and outfits, and we're happy to get her as much as we can, provided she behaves well and keeps up the good grades.
the lunch with my sister was fairly casual, but georgia wore her new pink dress.
my sister isn't as well off as we are unfortunately. she is raising three children on her own and her job isn't a high paying one. in the past, she asked me if georgia could "tone down" her outfits when we come to visit, because she doesn't want her kids being upset because they can't afford things like that.
i do get my sister's point but it's not down to me to police what georgia wears. i have spoken to georgia about it but i left the final decision to her.
anyway so we went for lunch, and georgia ended up getting into an argument when my sister's 13 year old, lucy, asked about the dress and where it was from. georgia answered that it didn't matter because lucy couldn't afford it anyway. we told georgia to shut up as soon as the comment left her lips, but it soon ended up with georgia and lucy screaming at each other.
my sister made the kids vanilla milkshakes, and lucy decided to throw hers all over georgia, ruining the dress. georgia burst into tears and to be fair my sister did bring her a change of clothes. i said that if the dress was permanently ruined, i wanted my sister to reimburse us.
my sister has refused and said that it was "our responsibility" because my daughter wore an expensive dress despite being warned not to.
that dress cost a couple of hundred, and washing it has failed to completely remove the stains. frankly, i don't care about my sister's warnings. we can't make georgia wear what she doesn't want to, and it's not our problem that she can't control her child and stop her ruining a beautiful dress.
aita?
| 15,848 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oa5w00/aita_for_letting_my_daughter_wear_an_expensive/
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2021-06-29 10:54:18
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yta. normally i would say otherwise due to property being damaged, but not in this case. 1) you’ve already mentioned that your sister is not well off and struggles to provide for her three kids. 2) what your daughter said was extremely rude and a reflection of your parenting. she most definitely deserved to have a vanilla milkshake thrown at her for saying such a rude thing. take it to the dry cleaners and get it professionally cleaned. be happy it was vanilla and not chocolate. maybe this will teach your daughter to be a lot more humble.
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esh - look, a giant hypocrite! let’s get this out of the way first, of course the milkshake thing was not justified, and makes the other girl an asshole, which is why this gets into the category of everybody sucking. but…
1) why is it that you protest that you can’t control georgia, but expect your sister to be able to control her daughter’s behavior? seems like either teenagers are uncontrollable or they aren’t, and your stance is wholly hypocritical.
2) feels like a good teaching moment for georgia. you say she gets nice clothes as long as she gets good grades and behaves, right? well, the classist bullshit she talked to her cousin is not behaving. therefore, she has one less nice dress based on your agreement.
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yta. if georgia receives any offers to tour a chocolate factory, i highly recommend you decline.
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your family is ta.
she is a minor which literally makes it your job to 'police' what she wears.
your daughter's comment was rude, disrespectful, and reflects very people poorly on you and your husband, as well as her.
what do you do with your daughter's old clothes? do you give them to lucy? all of my old clothes went to my younger cousin. and that had zero to do with income.
learn some f'ing respect and then teach your daughter.
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since i am not going to call a child an asshole. i will go with yta. your daughter could have politely answered the questions instead of being rude about it.
your daughter is 15 and based on what you have said here you are raising a brat.
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yta - georgia should be allowed to wear whatever she pleases, but you've built her up to be some sort of saint when it turns out she's a complete brat. if i were your sister, i'd be rightfully pissed the eff off by her vile and hurtful comment.
your child lacks discipline and manners. if i were you, i'd be looking to correct this asap whilst thinking of how to apologise effectively to your niece and sister.
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yta. if my daughter said something like that to another girl, she’d be donating those “beautiful” clothes. you might dress her nicely, but you raised her poorly.
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[removed]
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esh
>. we can't make georgia wear what she doesn't want to, and it's not our problem that she can't control her child and stop her ruining a beautiful dress.
so you can't control what your daughter wears or the fact that she is an enormous snob, but your sister should be able to control her daughter's emotions?
georgia was a jerk to her cousin. being a jerk has consequences sometimes.
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your kid is an asshole. maybe this will teach her that there are consequences for shitty behavior.
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi all. me, my husband and our 15 year old daughter georgia went to my sister's place for lunch this weekend. georgia is very bright. she completed her exams early and is now studying more advanced material. she's a big fashionista, a lot more than i was at that age. she loves pretty clothes and outfits, and we're happy to get her as much as we can, provided she behaves well and keeps up the good grades. the lunch with my sister was fairly casual, but georgia wore her new pink dress. my sister isn't as well off as we are unfortunately. she is raising three children on her own and her job isn't a high paying one. in the past, she asked me if georgia could "tone down" her outfits when we come to visit, because she doesn't want her kids being upset because they can't afford things like that. i do get my sister's point but it's not down to me to police what georgia wears. i have spoken to georgia about it but i left the final decision to her. anyway so we went for lunch, and georgia ended up getting into an argument when my sister's 13 year old, lucy, asked about the dress and where it was from. georgia answered that it didn't matter because lucy couldn't afford it anyway. we told georgia to shut up as soon as the comment left her lips, but it soon ended up with georgia and lucy screaming at each other. my sister made the kids vanilla milkshakes, and lucy decided to throw hers all over georgia, ruining the dress. georgia burst into tears and to be fair my sister did bring her a change of clothes. i said that if the dress was permanently ruined, i wanted my sister to reimburse us. my sister has refused and said that it was "our responsibility" because my daughter wore an expensive dress despite being warned not to. that dress cost a couple of hundred, and washing it has failed to completely remove the stains. frankly, i don't care about my sister's warnings. we can't make georgia wear what she doesn't want to, and it's not our problem that she can't control her child and stop her ruining a beautiful dress. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi all. me, my husband and our 15 year old daughter georgia went to my sister's place for lunch this weekend. georgia is very bright. she completed her exams early and is now studying more advanced material. she's a big fashionista, a lot more than i was at that age. she loves pretty clothes and outfits, and we're happy to get her as much as we can, provided she behaves well and keeps up the good grades. the lunch with my sister was fairly casual, but georgia wore her new pink dress. my sister isn't as well off as we are unfortunately. she is raising three children on her own and her job isn't a high paying one. in the past, she asked me if georgia could "tone down" her outfits when we come to visit, because she doesn't want her kids being upset because they can't afford things like that. i do get my sister's point but it's not down to me to police what georgia wears. i have spoken to georgia about it but i left the final decision to her. anyway so we went for lunch, and georgia ended up getting into an argument when my sister's 13 year old, lucy, asked about the dress and where it was from. georgia answered that it didn't matter because lucy couldn't afford it anyway. we told georgia to shut up as soon as the comment left her lips, but it soon ended up with georgia and lucy screaming at each other. my sister made the kids vanilla milkshakes, and lucy decided to throw hers all over georgia, ruining the dress. georgia burst into tears and to be fair my sister did bring her a change of clothes. i said that if the dress was permanently ruined, i wanted my sister to reimburse us. my sister has refused and said that it was "our responsibility" because my daughter wore an expensive dress despite being warned not to. that dress cost a couple of hundred, and washing it has failed to completely remove the stains. frankly, i don't care about my sister's warnings. we can't make georgia wear what she doesn't want to, and it's not our problem that she can't control her child and stop her ruining a beautiful dress. aita? [/INST] yta. normally i would say otherwise due to property being damaged, but not in this case. 1) you’ve already mentioned that your sister is not well off and struggles to provide for her three kids. 2) what your daughter said was extremely rude and a reflection of your parenting. she most definitely deserved to have a vanilla milkshake thrown at her for saying such a rude thing. take it to the dry cleaners and get it professionally cleaned. be happy it was vanilla and not chocolate. maybe this will teach your daughter to be a lot more humble. </s>
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